#i dont often get personal on this blog but im going to be so honest idc anymore. no one has 2 read this if they dont wanna i promise

[thevalleyoftriumph]

im beginning to think that i am mentally ill and the internet makes my mental illness Worse

[sungstars]

how riize lost their virginities

- anton , he didn’t… he’s either waiting till marriage or he just has no plans too anytime soon, he has no reason too but i heavily feel like he is, he gives off virgin energy im sorry

sohee - he experimented with boys but he hasn’t actually lost it yet

wonbin - he prolly put it in someone but he didn’t like the experience (wonbin asexual king),

sungchan - def had sex multiple times prolly even did it with other idols, he’s too bad

eunseok - he prolly only did it once or twice once he was like 20 but he doesn’t see the need to constantly have sex more than a few times. year, only when he’s rlly rlly rlly horny

seunghan - he’s def fucking girl he prolly fucking RIGHT NOWWWW… i feel like he the type to make u do crazy things just bc the dick is thatttt good like

shotaro - it’s obvious he’s had sex. it’s nothing wrong with duality like ik he has a cute personality but like he’s wayy too skilled with every part of his body (esp his hips) to not be putting it to good use

i’m screaming like this made me laugh out loud when i was checking this blog on my break.. oh this made my day in the best way possible. let’s talk about it. i definitely got a bit off topic in most of these!

content warning: talking about sex, loss of virginity minors dni

anton… well yes! i just think he might not have found the right person to have sex with. i dont think marriage is something that he’s particularly waiting for. if it’s how that works out, for sure! i think that he’s just waiting for the right person that he can trust with something so intimate. i dont think he would be the person to slut himself out, but also i think that would be super yummy if he did. i love thinning about anton with a huge dick and doesn’t know how to use it. he’s definitely a hands on learner so it would be quite interesting having sex with him. he probably would accidentally push all the way in because he got lost in pleasure and apologize for it. 100% virgin but after he loses it… a bitch in heat!

sohee… THIS ONE MADE ME LAUGH IN A GOOD WAY LIKE OH I GET IT SOOO BAD. sohee has definitely experienced sexual interactions with boys. make out with a boy? hell do it. go down on one of his members? yeah he’s done it! but fucking a girl? not yet! they make him soooo nervous. i think sohee has plenty of girls who wanna fuck him… he’s just probably super nervous thinking about it because he wouldn’t know what to do even if it was in his face. i think once he found somebody who would takes their time and guide him through it, he would be ready to sleep with a woman! but it just hasn’t happened yet.

wonbin… i fear that i have to disagree. i think wonbin be fucking just not that often! he gets these spurts of where he wants to fuck any and everybody, but after he feels satisfied, it’ll be a good little bit before he wants to have sex again. i think wonbin is a bisexual king who isn’t picky about gender when it comes to sexual or romantic partners. just my honest opinion about it though! i personally just think that he does fuck a lot of people when he feels up to it! well.. i dont think he has to put it in to have fun. he lovesss foreplay. fingering & oral (giving & receiving), dry humping, handjobs, literally tweak his nipples, sloppy make out session and bite him.. that’s probably what he prefers more so than actual sex.

sungchan… definitely think he’s experienced. i’m not saying he’s easy but if you’re pretty and ask him to fuck… he’s definitely not saying no. sungchan lost his virginity and didn’t look back since. the first time he had sex, his partner was genuinely surprised because she thought he was a virgin? he was!! sungchan is just naturally good at sex and probably also took some notes from amateur porn on twitter. sungchan is definitely a man of pleasure and would prefer to take care of his partner before he takes care of himself. a selfless lover if you will.

eunseok… mm i fear i have to disagree slightly. i think eunseok gets down because he’s a freak nasty bitch. however, i think he prefers to keep it to one partner like anton. eunseok started out as a freak weirdo loser (in a hot way) so when he lost his virginity, he was completely lost and the girl definitely was confused because she thought eunseok would know what to do! looks can be deceiving. however now, i think because he knows what he’s doing, he definitely does fuck somebody frequently!

seunghan… definitely gets down the most out of all of them. i think seunghan is like eunseok & anton in regards to having just one partner instead of sleeping around / seeing multiple people. i think he’s also a freak nasty guy who knows how to use his dick. definitely has girls crazy over him because of how good his dick game is. while i think he has fun fucking, i definitely can see him like wonbin where he likes foreplay. i also think he can be a bit of a selfish lover! sometimes he focuses more so om pleasure than his partner , but when he realizes that’s what he’s doing hell definitely make up for it!

shotaro… FREAKKKKK. FREAK. NASTY. FREAKY NASTY. shotaro gets DOWNNNNN. shotaro has bitches lined up for every day of the week if he feels up to it. his cute persona is a TRAP. you think he’s super goofy and silly, which he is! but in bed he’s fucking nasty as fuck. gag on it! choke on it! cry! hell spit in your mouth and choke you out. shotaro gets down and always leaves somebody wanting more. too bad he doesn’t really see the same person more than twice if he can help it!

end!

[itsjustrosee]

hiiii idk really what to call you bc yeah anyways i have a request fir u but feel free to take ur time with it idm at all seeing as ur blog is relatively new and u probably have a bunch of asks and stuff because ur first two fics were absolute masterpieces like literally anyways im rambling im so sorry uh

(u can skip that part) So my request is basically where minho and fem!reader are really good friends and shes like a track-hoe and basically has a really flirty personality so she flirts with all her friends and minho always gets flustered uh or something like that and one time he sees her flirting with idk one of the gladers and he gets jealous thinking that shes dating (said glader) and then she confronts him about it and they kiss and live happily ever after :D

sorry this is super long and confusing dont rush to do it take ur time !!

Ok I'm honestly getting so impressed with these requests, they are so thought out and unique and I'm literally living for it. Btw my name is Rosalyn so feel free to call me that or sometimes I go by rose but address me however you'd like <3 Anyways thank you so much for the request and all of the praise, I appreciate it sm!!

Anyways, this was a super cute prompt idea I absolutely love it, so I hope you enjoy!

JEALOUS (Minho x fem!reader)

Context: pre Thomas, read above for summary ^

Warnings: spice

Word count: 4K

! I proof read but there might still be spelling mistakes !

When you arrived in the glade being a girl, it was quite a surprise for everyone.

Most of the boys tried to be pretty accepting, and after a while, you managed to get along really well with everyone. But if you're being honest, it was all due to your rather, flirty, personality.

That, however, you can't really be blamed for. I mean, you couldn't help it, it was just the way that you were!

It did, however, prove to be a slight problem during your first few months in the glade. You can't blame the rest of the boys for taking your subtle flirty gestures the wrong way, if you were them, you'd probably take the things that you said the wrong way too. So by no means was it their fault for thinking you liked them. But unfortunately, you never reciprocated their feelings, which only confused them more.

Anyways, the first person to understand this was Newt. He was always okay with your overly friendly personality and never actually got the wrong idea from you. That's probably why he became your first friend in the glade, and why when he said you should become a track hoe, you accepted his offer immediately. He, along with the rest of the track hoes' were rather chill and you enjoyed spending time with all of them.

You would consider yourself the closest with them out of all the other people in the glade, so you often hung out with them during the bonfires and dinner. However, you were relatively close with just about every boy in the glade, given your personality, but regardless, you naturally gravitated towards everyone.

It took a couple months for everyone to come to terms with your behavior and rather flirtatious personality, so after about five months, everything was going pretty smoothly. Under the given circumstances and all. Being trapped in a maze was by no means easy, but you were making the most of it. You had developed a good daily routine, and you can only imagine without the structure you and the other gladers had built for themselves, you all would've gone mad by now.

Part of your routine was waking up early. Alby had made Gally and the other builders build you a hut for obvious reasons, and Gally was happy to do it if it meant getting on your good side. You enjoyed the privacy from the rest of the boys but since you had a hut, you had a bed. A bed that was impossible for you to force yourself out of in the morning. After a couple weeks though, you got into the right mindset and started waking up right when the sun started peaking over the maze walls.

You woke up early so you could get a head start with some of the work in the garden. This meant you just spent a bit of extra time plucking out weeds and getting extra fertilizer from the deadheads. You did this to lightly the load that you and the rest of the track hoes' had to do, and you also did it because you just enjoyed being productive.

But one of the secret advantages of waking up early to tend to the garden was seeing the runners leave right when the maze doors opened. You took the brief amount of time they had before leaving to talk to them because they were all very busy people, and getting any opportunity to have a quick chat with them mattered to you. Especially because it meant you got to talk to Minho.

You never admitted it to anyone, but Minho was one of the only boys in the glade that you actually felt attracted to. You couldn't quite understand why, but you always felt drawn to him.

Maybe it was because he was held so high by all the gladers, even though none of them were ever able to talk to him because of how busy his schedule was. He was in the maze all day and when he finally returned from a long day of working to find a way out of the maze for himself and everyone else in the glade, he would be in the maze room. He was working, constantly. Which is why you felt special whenever you had the chance to talk to him. Even if it was just for a couple seconds.

Or maybe you liked him because he still got flustered whenever you talked to him. You would always try to be as respectful towards him as possible, but your flirtatiousness always found a way to shine through. And he seemed to be the only boy who hadn't gotten over how flirty you were, even though every other boy knew that that was just the way you were.

Needless to say, you had a pretty big crush on him, one that you tried your hardest to deny. But you really couldn't help it, which is why you chose to become friends with him. You decided to settle with that because you were sure he wasn't interested in being anything more. Even though Newt often tended to think otherwise.

But you still couldn't help but think that it was just so cute how whenever you talked to him he would fumble over his words, or get as red as the tomatoes you were tending to whenever you even touched him.

However, whenever Minho acted all flustered like this, he would curse at himself relentlessly, wondering why he was as awkward as he was whenever he was near you.

The truth is, he had been down horrendously for you the second Alby pulled you out of the box. At first, he chalked it up to you just being the only girl and well, he couldn't exactly remember the last time he had seen one of those. But as the weeks went on, his feelings for you only deepened. He never saw a point in telling you because every boy who confessed his 'love' to you got rejected. Part of that made him feel glad though because he knew that just about none of the boys in the glade were good enough for you, and he felt happy knowing you would never like any of them. But the downside to that was Minho thinking that he would never have a chance with you.

That never stopped him from wanting to talk to you though. He would purposely make sure to stop by the garden to talk to you before he headed into the maze. Whenever you weren't in the garden, he would check the deadheads to see if you were there. Once he found you, he would make some excuse by saying he was just taking a walk in the woods to clear his head before going into the maze.

He really didn't know why talking to you mattered to him so much, but it just did. And today was no different.

You were nealing down next to garden beds that Gally and some of the others had just built. It was a relatively new addition to the garden and you had just finished filling them with soil and fertilizer yesterday. So you were eager to begin planting some of the last remaining seeds that were sent up from the box into the beds.

You could always tell when a month would pass by when you ran out. The box always sent up a certain amount of seedlings and by the time you ran out, a month would pass and the box would come back up, providing you with another month's worth. So as you planted the last seed in the pouch, you knew that in a few hours, a new greenie would appear from the box, symbolizing the start/ end of yet another month in the glade.

You stood up, dusting off your knees as you congratulated yourself on your wonderful planting skills. But your eyes wandered away from the garden and onto Minho, who was now walking your way. Your heartbeat quickened as you saw him. He arrived slightly earlier than normal because you noticed that you hadn't seen any of the other runners with him, but you also knew it would only be a few minutes until they came to join him.

Minho mentally prepared himself while he walked up to you, telling himself that he was going to be normal today, and he wasn't going to start stuttering like an idiot.

At least that's what he tried telling himself as he approached you, clearing his throat, "Hey (Y/N)," Minho said while resting his hands on that runner's vest he always wore on top of his signature blue shirt which complimented each of the defined muscles on his chest.

"Hi, Minho." You said with a smile on your face that couldn't help but make Minho blush. "What brings you out so early? The maze doors don't open for another five minutes don't they?" You questioned. You had gotten pretty good at telling time around the glade, even without a watch like Minho.

"Oh yeah, I just thought that maybe I'd get over here a little earlier," Minho said with an awkward chuckle as he tried to smile back at you.

"Ah, I see," you said before continuing, "Is it cause you wanted to spend a little extra time talking to me?" You said with a giggle, trying to make a little light-hearted joke as you stared up at Minho with puppy dog eyes.

Minho however, did not take this as a joke. He began blushing, hard. "Oh no that's not why- wait no that's not what I meant. Like I love talking to you but that's not why-" Before Minho could continue to embarrass himself further, you cut him off.

"Minho I was just joking." You said with a laugh, trying your best to reassure him because clearly, he was mentally freaking out. You couldn't get over how cute he was when he was like this. You were always so used to seeing him act serious and stoic in every other situation, but whenever it came to you, he was a mess.

"Yeah- right. Of course." Minho said awkwardly, trying his hardest to laugh off the situation. He felt his cheeks heat up as you continued to look at him for a moment while taking off your gardening gloves. He couldn't help but take the time to admire you and the features on your face while you did so.

You had your hair tied into a loose braid that was slung over your shoulder and onto your chest. His eyes glanced up and down your body to see that you were wearing a pair of low-rise jean shorts paired with a V-neck shirt that clung to your curves and exposed your chest slightly.

You noticed his eyes drift to your chest and laughed silently to yourself but didn't say anything else to him. You normally didn't mind having the boys in the glade stare at you because, at this point, it was to be expected. But you couldn't help but feel butterflies in your stomach as Minho looked at you, and you couldn't help but feel happy that you decided to wear this shirt today.

"If it makes you feel any better, I love talking to you too Minho." You joked, even though you definitely meant it. Your voice broke the slightly awkward silence that had filled the air while you put your hand on his bicep. No matter how many times you've made this gesture toward Minho, it never fails to surprise you with how firm his muscles are. It also never failed to make Minho physically stiffen and make his mind go completely blank.

You absentmindedly began softly rubbing Minho's bicep with your thumb. You were genuinely curious about how he had gotten this strong. Was it all the running he did? Did they have weights in the glade that you just didn't know about? You weren't quite too sure what it was but you were loving it.

You snapped out of your thoughts though as you saw the other runners approaching the garden. You looked back up at Minho with a soft smile as you took your hand off of him, "Well I hope you have a good run today Minho." You said while trying to snap him out of whatever trance you'd unknowingly put him in.

"Thanks," Minho said. At least he didn't stutter while getting that out, but then again, he only said one word. But it was a new record nonetheless.

You greeted the other runners with a smile and a wave while Minho's feet stayed planted in front of you, unable to move.

"We'll meet you at the doors Minho." Ben said as he and the others jogged past you and him, snickering at the whole situation.

You stared at him again for another moment, expecting him to move but something in him couldn't. "You should probably catch up with them right?" You ask him, hoping that you didn't just cause the glades best runner to short-circuit just because you touched his bicep.

"Right, yeah- yeah you're right," Minho said while letting out a soft chuckle.

"Be careful alright? I'll talk to you later." You told Minho as you patted him on the back while he began to walk past you.

"Okay yeah. Talk to you later." Minho said, still very flustered about what had just happened. He was still trying to process it all because even though you had been touchy with him before, it was never like this. There was something very different about it this time. He thought about it for the rest of the day while he was running in the maze, and even when he came back and ate dinner.

While Minho was showering before heading to the bonfire, he couldn't help but wonder if you also felt it, if you also felt the same energy in the air that he felt. Or if he was just overthinking an exchange between the both of you that hadn't even lasted more than five minutes.

The truth was that he wasn't the only one whose mind kept racing back to that moment.

You couldn't stop thinking about it either and it was distracting you this entire day. You didn't know what was so different about it this time, but you could feel something shift between you and Minho during that simple exchange. You brushed it off as much as you could and decided to turn your focus on showing the new greenie around.

He seemed to have taken quite a liking to you and was practically following you around 24/7, which you didn't mind too much. He seemed like a sweet kid who was around your age, behaving toward you the same way every other boy had toward you in the glade at one point or another.

As the day continued, the bonfire began and you found a seat with a group of about ten people, the greenie being one of them. He chose the seat right next to you and after a couple drinks, he had his arm around you. In your eyes, it really wasn't that big a deal. You thought it was sweet that he was opening up so soon, and you had to admit he was pretty funny. You couldn't help but laugh at a lot of his jokes.

But Minho wasn't too big a fan of how the new guy clung to you. While everyone gathered at the bonfire he couldn't help but notice how the very obviously drunk boy, had his arm around your shoulder and it was driving him crazy. He had been hearing whispers from the other gladers about how you were going to start dating him and the mere thought of it made Minho's blood boil. Even though all the comments that had been made about you and the greenie were jokes because everyone knew you well enough to know you were just being friendly, Minho didn't know that.

You were in the middle of a conversation with the new guy and the rest of the group when you spotted Minho walking in your direction. At first, you got excited, you had been waiting to talk to Minho this whole day. But then you looked at him and noticed the stern, almost angry expression he had on his face. Your confusion only grew as he stopped right in front of you, his build towering over you as you stared back up at him.

"Hey, can we talk for a second?" Minho said through gritted teeth. The amount of anger in his voice was prominent, and you couldn't lie, it was kind of hot. Minho was not a hot-headed person, so seeing him be anything other than stoic or flustered was new for you.

"Uh sure, is everything alright?" You ask with genuine concern. You didn't know what could've gotten Minho this angry so you were relatively worried.

"Yeah, it's fine. Just- can you come with me?" Minho said quickly, and it was obvious to you that it, whatever 'it' even was, was not fine. You took Minho's hand anyway as he helped you up from your seat.

Everyone in the group was staring at you, just as confused as you were while you told them you'd be back soon. You shot the greenie a wave and you could've sworn you saw Minho roll his eyes and scoff as you did so.

Minho led you to the edge of the deadheads and stopped by a nearby tree. There was silence between the both of you and you were waiting for Minho to say something. When he didn't, you spoke instead, "So what is this all about?"

Minho crossed his arms as he began to reply, you couldn't help but notice fury in his eyes as he spoke, "I should be asking you that."

"What?" You questioned, slightly dumbfounded and slightly confused by Minho's harsh tone. He'd never spoken to you in such a way, so now you were really racking your brain trying to figure out what you could've done to piss him off so much.

"Oh don't pull that oblivious klunk with me (Y/N)." Minho sneered.

"I'm not acting oblivious, I don't know what you're talking about, seriously." You said while putting your hands up in surrender, and it was the truth, you really didn't know what he was talking about.

"I'm talking about you and the greenie. How you guys were all over each other. Are you dating him or something?" Minho spits out, venom and jealousy lacing his words.

You couldn't help but laugh as he said this but you quickly realized he was being serious. "Wait you're kidding, right? Me and the greenie? No Minho he's just a friend." You said in an attempt to reassure him.

"Well, it didn't look like you were just friends. Not by the way he had his arm around you." Minho blurted out.

"Are you getting jealous Minho?" You asked with a grin on your face. Minho stayed silent for a moment after you asked, so you spoke again, "Why would you care anyway? It's not like you like me like that or anything." Annoyance in your voice this time. Who was he to act so pissed off about it if he didn't even like you?

"Who said I didn't?" Minho questioned while staring dead at you.

Now it was your turn to be silent.

"You like me?" You said as you just stared at Minho for a moment longer, wondering if you had really heard him correctly. A sliver of hope surged through you as you thought of the possibility.

Minho quickly realized what he had just said and just stared at you. Did he really just say that? Why did he just say that? His words got stuck in his throat and he stayed quiet.

"Minho answer my question."

"Yes, okay? Yes, I like you. So what if I do? Are you going to reject me the same way you reject every other boy?" Minho asked with genuine curiosity.

Before you or he could say anything else, you kissed him.

You hadn't even realized how long you had been waiting to kiss Minho ever since you laid your eyes on him. But as your lips merged into his perfectly, it all just felt right.

Minho melted into your touch as you wrapped both of your arms around his neck and he pulled you in as he placed both of his arms around your waist. The kiss you both shared was gentle yet passionate as you fell deeper and deeper into his warm embrace.

You pulled away for a moment to look Minho in the eyes, "I like you too Minho." You said with a warm smile that almost made him pass out. Minho's heart melted as he heard those words come out of your mouth. They were what he'd dreamed you you eventually say to him, and he couldn't think of anything else to do at that moment than to kiss you again.

The kiss between the both of you deepened and only became more sloppy and desperate as if the both of you couldn't get enough of each other. You allowed his tongue to enter your mouth and taste every bit of you. You could tell that he must've had some muscle memory from his life before the maze because he definitely knew what he was doing as his tongue wrestled against yours.

Minho pushed you onto a nearby tree and moved one of his hands from your waist and to your ass. You moaned softly into his mouth as he did so and you pushed yourself into him further, which only caused Minho to harden against you.

"Oh, there you guys are. I assumed you guys got everything settled?" Newt asked as he interrupted you and Minho. You both pulled away for the second time, breathlessly, and stared at him for a moment.

"Oh yeah- everythings um, settled. I guess." Minho said while turning around to face Newt. Newt gave you a look and you just gave a thumbs up and an awkward smile back to him.

"Alright well, I just wanted to let you know (Y/N) that the greenie was wondering where you were," Newt said with a smirk while scratching the back of his head.

"Oh, well- just tell him I'm busy or something." You replied hastily. You had waited long enough to let Minho know how you felt and you wanted nothing more than to turn all of your attention back to him now. Minho looked at you and grinned, obviously very pleased with your response.

"Will do," Newt said as he began to walk away and back up to the bonfire to join everyone else. You blushed as you put your hands up to your face and buried your head into Minho's chest.

"God that was so embarrassing." You said, your words muffled in the fabric of Minho's t-shirt.

"Oh come on there's nothing to be embarrassed about. If anything it's good that that shuckin' greenie'll get the message." Minho cooed as he wrapped one arm around your back and used his other hand to stroke your hair. He planted a kiss on your forehead as you took your hands away from your face and wrapped them around Minho's waist. You looked up at him again with a goofy grin on your face, which only made Minho grin at you back, "What, what is it?" He chuckled.

"You never struck me as the jealous type." You stated while tilting your head slightly before continuing, "Not like there's anything wrong with that though."

Minho only smiled back at you and brought his lips to yours once more, holding you in his arms as if he found the one thing that he wanted to hold onto for the rest of his life.

alright yall here is yet another Minho fic

I hope you guys liked it and tysm @minhoshotharness for the request!! It was so fun to write and I hope that you liked what I did with the concept.

plzplzplzplz keep sending me these requests guys, I literally LOVE writing them

[polyamzeal]

dont have to answer if its too long/not the purpose of the blog:

i dont know how to word this but: im scared that i’ve developed a crush on another person (i already have 2 partners) and im scared that a. one of my partners might feel left out (?) bc we dont talk super often (they have super strict and homophobic parents) b. it took me like 4 months of pining over the guy who ended up being my second partner so if everything is okay with everyone i think i would take too long and if they even feel anything for me, that they might lose it (nearly happened with my now boyfriend) c. actually asking them out (i dont even know if they would date a poly person). as more context, i am aroace pan-platonic and my partners are qpps

im grateful for any advice i can get

A few things. It is important for us to evaluate what our poly-saturation limit is. And it is super important to understand that isn't just simple numbers. Someone with 2 very close partners might be more saturated than the same person with 4 long-distance partners. It is about how much emotional bandwidth you have, how much time certain partners require and so on.

So once you figure that out then next talk to your partners and let them know you think you are crushing on someone but you want to make they know their needs still come first so to let you know if they feel like they aren't getting enough of your attention or if there are other ways you can fulfil them more.

To be honest I am not sure I understand point 'B' but each relationship has its own pacing. Sometimes our connections to people are slow burns and other times they are flash fires! So just go with the flow and what you are comfortable with.

Finding out if they are open to a polyam person is important. If not then you might have nothing to worry about. And remember that often it is fine for a crush to just remain a crush and never go anywhere. Sometimes that is even more enjoyable than developing it into a committed relationship. So enjoy it for what it is.

[bayfuzzball7050]

SIEMPRE SE PUEDE PEDIR TRADUCCIÓN‼️‼️‼️

INTRODUCTION POST AND RULES 🔥🔥🦾🦾🦾🦈🦈

(Edit— 23/09/2024) I kinda got excited writing this ☠️

There’s like a worrying amount of text. I’m not sure everyone can gut how much I wrote 😭😭

But here are like the basics of my blog:

The name’s Andrés or Diego. Call me whatever ya want, idc

I’m a Trans Guy, he / him and if you don’t know me a they / them it’s ok I don’t mind that much. NO SHE HER IMMA BEAT UR ASS

☆ I got that dawg in me (asd) actually pls be patient im a little slow on some things

☆ Artist — I mostly make jjba fanart (currently insane about it)

☆ Art requests are currently closed!!

(for when I open them: I draw anything but nsfw/kinks and proship stuff)

☆ Writer (no fanfic here tho)

☆ don’t ask for pics you ain’t getting em

☆ if I use emojis, be aware that most of the time it’s ironic

☆ I make a lot of kys/kms jokes, if you’re not ok with this, please don’t follow

☆ i LOVE spammers, spam likes, reblogs, whatever as much as you like :3 (if ya want to like no pressure)

☆ if ya wanna be mutuals just ask I don’t mind I’ll just check yo vibe and that’s it

Art tag: #my art

Post tag/reblogs where I add something: #momazos dieg

BY THE WAY!!

☆ I usually don’t add tw (tho I dont post stuff with heavy themes often if I’m honest like I rarely do it) But if anything, be wary

☆ I also always have my notifications off so please don’t feel bad if I don’t answer a dm or anything of the sort

☆ please excuse me if I reblog/like artists who are proshippers, I don’t tend to check blogs before interacting🧍🏽(I’ve gotten myself blocked many times because of this)

☆ also like if they problematic in general like idk if maybe someone I reblogged has been in a big ahh controversy or summ so uhhh forgive me

☆ more info abt me and my blog under the cut :P ☆

So, I think imma make(try) a dni list but ik it’s ultimately useless cuz like I can’t force ya and im not your dad plus I’m too lazy to look through every blog that reblogs or likes but uh blocklist ig???

It’s just basic dni criteria, but like if ya wanna read ig?

SHIT THAT GETS YA BLOCKED ‼️‼️

(some of these are oddly specific)

☆ zionists, racists, homophobes, ace exclusionists/phobes, antisemits (guess that’s how you say it???), conservatives, mofos who discriminate/hate minorities in general

☆ Proshippers, Comshippers, anti-anti’s and profiction mfs

Why, you may ask? Horrible past experiences with these mofos and *other* bad experiences that ain’t really related to ‘em but remind me of so like if ur a proshipper just block me and move on I don’t want y’all around. Not rlly into the discourse and prolly never gonna post abt it but yeah

no Patrick, im not against the portrayal of fucked up things, im against the portrayal of those things as a type of pornography.

☆ On a similar note, I HATE LOL1C0NS AND SHOTAC0NS KYS…NOWW

☆ ON ANOTHER SIMILAR NOTE! even if I do hate proshippers, autoshippers/selfshippers are cool like hell yeah you go marry your blorbo 🔥🔥🔥

☆ Transphobes / TERFS

I think the whole ‘Im trans’ shit explains it well enough 💀

☆ SWERFS can also go fuck themselves

☆ Misandrists and radfems too like why you here 💀 when I first hear the term i thought it was about the most radical females 🤙 but dude…these girl be saying some bogus about other chicks! Plus your gender essentialism pisses me the hell off

☆ Transmeds/Truscums/anti-MOGAI mfs get the hell out of here I hate you like Imagine gatekeeping gender cuz someone doesn’t fit your idea of what a trans person is thats stupid af 😭😭

☆ Transid, “Transabled”, "transracial" are not welcome. I support trans people, MOGAI in. You support racist, ableist and ageist views and stuff of the sort, kindly fuck off and educate yourself.

☆ Radqueers in general actually

☆ NSFW agere blogs (SFW agere it’s cool I don’t mind)

☆ pedos/MAPS I want you hanging on the STREET

☆ Paraphilics in general

☆ Misgendering kink blogs cuz WHY THE HELL ARE YOU FOLLOWING ME¿ AND IM TRANS WTH¿¿

☆ kink blogs in general actually ☠️

☆ Pro-ANA or Pro-MIA mofos y’all please seek therapy

☆ swifties.

To be honest I don’t check the blogs of most people who reblog or like but- Ricky…Ricky when I catch you Ricky-

(I mostly notice when I get followed but- anyway 😻)

THIN ICE:

☆ Giomis shippers

Why? Cuz not all of them are proshippers but a vast majority is and giomis kinda weirds me out💀ik the age gap small but still it’s kinda….

☆ dsmp fans

As much as I enjoy the Fanart and maybe the roleplay was interesting I have like personal beef with the fanbase and creators

☆ Hannibal Fans

The franchise is fire but I also have beef with Hannibal fans cuz for some reason most of them proshippers

☆ MHA fans for the same reason as Hannibal fans

☆ Same with South Park

☆ Same goes for Homestuck fans

☆ Same goes for Steven Universe fans. It’s mid btw

☆ ONE PIECE fans, y’all didn’t do anything wrong it’s just that I haven’t caught up with the show 😭😭

☆ NSFW blogs (as in porn/smut)

ANYWAY

Languages I speak:

☆ Spanish (mother language)

☆ English

☆ A tiny bit of Italian

FANDOMS IM IN (but I forget sometimes 😿)

☆ JJBA (what I post about mostly (going insane over this))

☆ Yakuza (I haven’t finished 0 yet)

☆ LOST MEDIA. (Believe it or not, im also going insane over this.)

☆ Berserk

☆ Madoka Magica

☆ ikigusare (best virtual girl band ever fr fr)

☆ Gorillaz

☆ Good Omens

☆ Moral Orel

☆ Dorohedoro

☆ My Little Pony

☆ Sonic fandom

☆ Undertale / Deltarune

☆ Breaking Bad / Better Call Saul

☆ El Cuarteto De Nos

☆ Azumanga Dioh!

☆ Vocaloid

☆ Project Sekai

☆ D4DJ

☆ Food Fantasy

☆ FNAF (grrrr I love fnaf,,)

☆ Emo / Scene / Scemo (I just don’t have money for clothes nor the patience to make a blog only for that 😭😭)

☆ actually like another shit ton more but I can’t remember 😔

Socials:

☆ Reddit u/BayFuzzball7050 (old account, permanently banned)

☆ Reddit u/BayFuzzball404 (Current Account)

☆ ofc Tumblr

☆ Wattpad and AO3 but we ain’t talking about that 🤫🧏‍♂️

☆ @bayfuzzball7050-art is my art blog (reblogs from here)

☆ …

☆ also I might or might not have a questionable side art blog (collect my shitposts)

☆ ALSO! recently opened a Pixiv :3

☆ And NOW I HAVE AN ARTFIGHT! (sea foam)

Dis me btw

[obscureother]

🌑 ˚x'˙ intro. . ??

Hello. . !! im new to tumblr, so sorry if wonky things happen while im setting this up. im still trying to figure things out guys-

i lurk on other accounts for general content but im closeted n shy so i made this one to yell about things instead so i don’t expose myself to people i know lolol

if you know or find other profiles i own, i request you not expose it for those reasons before im comfortable to.

so this is just an f/o blog/journaling. . thing. I'm not entirely sure what content will be here, but it will be centered around f/os, self-shipping, and its just to give me a place to yell about the people that live in my/your brain rent-free and know they don’t exist but we pretend they do anyway for comfort reasons and serotonin, dopamine, uhh what other things feel good and ok??

some of it will be for you if I happen to think of something, other times it is for me to explode over my fixation f/os!!

youre also welcome to come yell about your f/os if you just need someone to talk to them about!! dont think i know em?? COME OVER and INTRODUCE THEM. you can come in DMs, asks, or however you want to!! id be happy to know your f/o or listen to you talk about them if no one else will :00

This is a comfort blog to me, so there wont be any room for meanness or intended offenses here. Dont come to me with troublesome things or somehow twist/morph my content into something its not, we're just here to have a cool time with our fictional people, bro. . :((

ok who r you tho:

To be honest, I don’t have a name or something to go by as of posting this, I might get one later or just make a new comment all fancy for the pin. . For now you can just call me whatever you deem good or just go off my blog/username!! Don’t be mean tho. i may take one you guys think of or figure it out on my own.

they/them

im 21 yo. (if youre a minor, i dont mind you coming to say hello, but do look below the other stuff content for what you need to look out for. you should also know some of you goofy kiddos have energies i dont know how to respond to sometimes, so dont worry if i get awkward or something, its not your fault lolol.)

im in college, so forgive me if im slow, im also just not on tumblr very often :v i dont ghost people on purpose i swEaR-

i might post my f/os on a whole list, idk yet, but theyll prolly be mentioned sometimes to the very least. you can def ask of them tho!! (edited: i made an f/o list if you want to see them.)

i dont know if ill post content of my own f/os or me/my sona for them, but it could be there.

i dont mind sharing f/os!! id love to yell about them together. if you dont like that, then its ok!! i either wont talk about them with you so you can be their person when we talk of them, or you can just block/not interact. ill be sad i dont get to meet you, but its ok.

other stuff:

Nothing explicit/detailed will normally be posted. but: The worst there will be is just being hormonally silly from kind of "rrr ovaries go brr, chew on theM-" energy of my f/os. i will try to create a tag to mark it with so you can exclude honky content if you want or need to later, tho. from what i know, you can "block" tags. . so i think that will work if you like the other goofy stuff on the blog??

(edited: I DID IT, I DID THEM, LOOK: 🌑obscure tags list for the obscure blog )

NSFW talk can be in DMs, tho.

DO NOT come to me with those concepts if youre a minor tho, oh dear GOD. honky grown-up talk is not for you goofy child-folk.

LGBTQ+ friendly!! im nonbinary and love everybody. youre ok too. 💙

i do roleplay sometimes, but only in dms n please dont go exposing our roleplays to others. . i would be very not comfy :"0

if you want to roleplay, you can dm me to ask but i dont have to say yes or i might not be able to. im slow too dfsdf=

i may or may not make a side blog once i figure out how to do stuff, but know that until then, im going to just post whatever on this one til i know how to do things on tumblr lolol.

forgive me if some of my content gets deleted, edited, whatever as we go. like i said, this whole thing is very new to me and its not very organized for now. its just there. its gonna get wonky over here on my side for a bit.

• tiny bat gif •

[asclexe]

haii….intro post…..about me……

*flash/blink warning 4 the blinkies!

haiiii :3 i go bye cameron which is very nicknameable so have fun with that. also call me whatever 🔥🔥

gender-wise i’m a trans agender/nonbinary freak albeit masc leaning thing, i prefer he/him and also they/them pronouns but i dont mind if u use it/its! feel free to use either! or interchangeably!! 😛im like a boy and a bug/cat person and a thing at the same time..

aromantic asexual aplatonic lesbian faggot thing. i think girls r pretty 😍

minor!!!!!!!!! im ageless online 4 my safety so B cool :3

star sign leo, personality type intj, white boy :\, i live in america so expect yeehaws and occasional politics, and im an atheist :3 also left-handed (i never shut up about this)! probably not neurotypical but i haven’t been diagnosed with anything yet. i might be depressed but im in school so idrc about that rn.

interest wise, im pathetically multifandom and i reblog a lot of house md because that’s my fyp, but i also enjoy doctor who (only on s5 lol), good omens (FUCK NEIL GAIMAN FUCK HIM FUCK HIM), warrior cats (on arc 5 and no intention of reading more), dungeon meshi, six feet under (s1 still lol), yellowjackets, fnaf, thg, a series of unfortunate events, doogie howser md, moral orel (s2) and soso many many more.. (i watch a lot of shows. i’m watching hannibal next!) digesting the saw franchise atm

for uhh music i listen to mainly tally hall/miracle musical, will wood, lemon demon, weezer, the smashing pumpkins, queen, destroy boys, chappell roan, dazey n the scouts, mitski, slipknot n mindless self indulgence n ayesha erotica n deftones n nickel creek (MONA!1!1!1!!!) + wayy more i love music

im also a theater kid! beware.

i enjoy mundane shit like writing, drawing, cooking, baking, reading and listening to music and watching tv and then carpe diem crap like kleptomania, theater, staying up past my bedtime, hiking/outdoors shit, being alone, doing crazy shit and having fun and

i run @ask-the-ducklings and @ppth-obgyn-dept-head-real for my house md oc and i’m 1/2 of @meanwhile-on-the-road :3

ughh sum things you should know be4 you follow or follow/unfollow or moot/unmoot me/boundaries

i am a very morbid (i think abt death literally all the time. lol), negative, cynical person and i always have been and i will not absorb those positive vibes. im a hater. im also opinionated like everyone else and im obviously going to have bad takes. B nice. sometimes the fun and joyous whimsy comes out.

i use a lot of profanity and i say the ONE. one slur i can reclaim.

i will not go to therapy or get help. i’ve been in therapy and it does not help me and i do not like it. i do not want help. i’m fine. please do not tell me “go to therapy u need it” because i do not need it

i say “im going to kill myself” a lot and these are all fruitless, meaningless statements. i am not committing suicide yet, and when i do, you’ll have long forgotten me. hopefully.

pls tell me via ask box, dm etc if i say something offensive or wrong or are overcrossing your boundaries, im sorry, im bound to make mistakes or misjudge a post.

i do not tag my reblogs with the media or characters, only little comments. i also do not spoiler tag my posts. i try to trigger tag things when i can but if you want something trigger tagged pls lmk!!

i do not have a dni, because the block button (which i use pretty often ill be honest) is easier, so instead i’d say go away bigots and zionists and pedos/zoos because your fucking lame and nsfw/kink blogs and most people over 21 (unless im comfortable with it) because i’m a minor.

despite all of this, i am very friendly and will probably want to talk to you!! i luv my mutuals!

i use #asclexeposting for all original posts + more

trying to figure out my ao3 situation but im on pinterest and discord under assclexe if you wanna hmu (B cool) and roblox as asclexe and my airbuds

old man doctor yaoi summer

house md oc

old intro

and all my other awesome mewtuals of which i have too many to tag but i love you all!!

blinkies made in the blinkie cafe

the rest is assorted, most from pinterest?

[coldresolve]

yeah, nah, fuck it. im sharing this post and then i'm just gonna link to it whenever it becomes relevant.

every disagreement i have with yall always comes back to me phrasing things in a way that sounds mean. always, always. like duh, i dont try to sugarcoat how i see things, i have realized that, in fact i do it on purpose. why? well.

i come from a culture where it's often interpreted as deceitful and/or shallow to sandwich your point in with superficial courtesy. if you spend too much time packing your point in with whatever you think will make it easier to swallow, people will start to feel like you're infantalizing them, or straight up wasting their time. being direct and honest from the get-go is seen as a sign of respect - yes, even if what you're saying could easily be interpreted as rude. say what you think, say exactly how you feel, and we'll take it from there. that kinda thing.

when i say an opinion or criticise something on here, i am treating you, the reader, like someone who is smart enough to understand the gist of my argument without being bogged down by its delivery, mature enough to recognize the difference between criticism of your work (or general trends) and criticism of you as a person, and emotionally well-adjusted enough to not pin your self-worth on the negative opinions some random guy on the internet might have of something you do/create/like.

i am showing you respect by talking to you as if you are an adult who can deal with what i might have to say. if you're not, and you can't, i expect you to have the wherewithall to not engage with me. i could at the very least respect that. alternatively, you're also welcome to disagree with my points, obviously. i'm always up for a good discussion.

but you responding to criticism like mine with defensiveness, affront, or worse, the idea that you're now justified to go after the criticiser as a person, only comes across to me like immaturity, self-consciousness, self-importance, and in some cases - deliberate or not - obtusiveness. see how that cultural divide can go both ways?

we're probably not gonna find common ground here. i'm tired of being interpreted as aggressive all the time, but i have no intention of conforming to the american ideal of social courtesy, because it makes me feel shallow, disingenuous and fake. meanwhile, you're probably not gonna be able to hear me speak without shaking the knee-jerk feeling that i'm purposefully ignoring the sensitivity of others (because objectively, i am).

so do we chuck the whole thing up to different culturally determined approaches to communicating our ideas? can we keep a shred of respect and mutual understanding and leave it at that?

or are you gonna insist that i'm immoral/rude/aggressive/callous/antagonistic/attacking people/etc, for voicing my own opinions, in my own way, on my own blog - in which case i, in turn, will feel perfectly content to just consider you an inherently silly person?

as far as i can tell, it's one or the other.

(also please please recognize the difference between using culture as an excuse, and pointing out a very real cultural divide that influences both how i communicate and how you interpret how i communicate. my point is that we're gonna keep talking past each other unless we adress the fact that we approach communication with very different goals in mind, mine being effectiveness and honesty and yours being courtesy and social sensitivity. i am also not saying that either one of these is "the right way" to communicate. don't read shit into my takes that isn't there to begin with. thx)

[wewontdieunbloomed]

this is part two of unlearning the bad things i unconsciously learnt from last year.

part one was the negative default pessimism i fall in to, which i keep calling it me being emo which means i dwell in my “misery” for far too long, instead of trying to think of something positive to get myself moving out of the bad zone i am in. as we are often told, sadness and negativity gets comforting, it feels like you are protecting yourself. but one cannot see beauty in life and find joy for oneself if one does not make oneself vulnerable.

and so making myself vulnerable is what ive been doing. trying to romanticise this state that im in, a liminal space, at crossroads. its not the most ideal, too many things are unknown and for the first time in my life im dealing with having barely any structure to my days, with nothing to do yet so much i should do.

it took me quite a while to stop lamenting this unknown and start returning to the foundations i built this blog and my entire philosophy off, the whole concept of “lest we die unbloomed” of making sure i dont realise one day ive wasted my time. and in small parts i like to think ive made progress on that

the focus now is the second part. i lost a lot of my attention span and impulse control, and today i reached a horrible point where i am sitting on the kitchen floor at 9 with no dinner, having ruined my microwave dinner out of a lack of common sense. i am not sure if all this recent muddling is because of covid brain fog or the horrifying amount of screen time i have had recently, but i was so sick of it. i have done a lot of things on impulse recently, and though today i had a really fulfilling day spending time with people i havent in a long time, when i got home and im back to reality of the things i havent done and been procrastinating for too long on, i felt horrible. this need to change, i realised.

so this is part two. it calls back to one of the values i set as something important to myself, being honest with myself. i know what im doing now is not working. i know that even though i use my planner im not sticking to it. i know my todo lists are not helping me. then why do i stubbornly stick to methods i know dont work? i told myself a year ago i would not change my system if it doesnt need to be changed. i have forgotten that i need to change it when it does. how silly! so im changing.

so in the last 2 hours in order to get myself up ive written todo lists on paper instead of in my journal. used a timer for every single step from shower to sweeping the floor to brushing my teeth. enough lazing around and letting simple things occupy too much time. its a parkinsons law thing.

enough doomscrolling and opening instagram when i have nothing to do. im setting a limit for a block of time in the day where i am not allowed to use social media, pwrhaps not any internet at all. i need to make drastic change, even if it seems inconsequential. it might not be academic but its personal. and my personal life and what i want to do with my time is worth taking big measures for, because it should be more important than all that revision for exams i used to do.

so the point f this ramble is to clear things out with myself. make some sense of whats goijg on. have a direction. tomorrow i have an interview. ill come home and do the chores i have to. prepare for my afternoon activity. go for lunch and my afternoon appointment. go for a run. buy dinner. write my applications. research on uni stuff. read a book. and all the other tint things i need to give more importance to even though they seem inconsequential. it sa new mantra ive gotten into ever since part one of this. that “this is the way” this is the new way. enough lazing. its time to go hard and be rurhless. take things up a notch because when else can i do it? go big from experiences to measures i have to take to discipline myself. this is the way.

04.04.2023

[bunny-heels]

i saw your post about not rebloging from people who are proship and if im being honest, that mentality terrifies me as someone who just learned this word. what if there is a new word that circulates in places im not familiar in and i get blacklisted for just rebloging something specific without seeing the entire blog? i really try to stay on top of all this lingo but it gets tough. also is bdsm proship? bdsm is not a cover for abuse even if people try to use it as such, when done responsibly and in the right communities that value safety as a first rule they often are more aware of harm and the reduction and prevention of it then movements that wont allow the depiction of stories that help survivors identify their abuse. am i proship if i appreciate a artful depiction of an abuse in tv that helps me learn how to recover in a healthy way and find skills to help others not get hurt the ways i had to? am i proship for making jokes that might read as hurtful to an outsider who dosnt know my relationship to my friends/partner? im sorry i just want to understand the line here so i can understand the harm these people are actually doing.

i think youre just terrifying yourself, friend.

proshippers only have 3 terms they use, as far as i know; proship, comship [meaning complicated ship], and darkship [meaning dark topic ship].

you won't be blacklisted just because you reblogged a post created by a proshipper, especially if you dont follow the person who created the post and you didnt know they were a proshipper. stuff like that happens all the time, and not just with proshippers. lots of people unknowingly reblog from terfs, racists, nazis, zionists- hell even i've reblogged posts made by people who were like that. but if youre followers actually know who you are, then they'll know it was a mistake, and they'll likely warn you politely about it just to watch out for you.

BDSM is not proship. BDSM has to do with rough and physically tasking acts in sex that are discussed and consented on extensively. lots of people into BDSM, such as subs and doms, will tell you that they regularly check on each other and have a system to let them know if they're okay or need a break or if something goes too far.

plus i myself am into some extreme things that i would never do in real life, let alone without someones consent. its either a 100% yes or there's no doing it all.

liking media with depictions of harmful topics that put it in an educational or meaningful light is also not proship. one of my favorite indie games is My Eyes Deceive, which i find to be a beautifully morbid game that touches well on the topic of abuse towards children and shows how horrific it can really be.

not proship for making jokes either. i'm friends with a chick who we both used to date the same guy who turned out to be a pedo. we often joke about how we were victims of grooming because really, we were.

checkin to see if a person is a proshipper isnt something scary or even that hard to do you'll find. i mean, if you'd make an effort to check if the youtuber youre watching is racist or if the twitter acc youre following is a nazi, then i dont see it as a lot of work to go to a persons blog and double check to make sure they arent a creep.

which btw, you'll know instantly if they are. everyone on this site is not afraid to say what they like or what theyre into. there is a good 90% chance that if the blog youre checking is proship safe, then they will proudly say it on their pinned post or carrd or whatever they use to put their info. its not too hard to spot.

buddy, you have nothing to worry about, and i promise you its not that hard to be a good person. you see someone who has shitty ideals? just block and move on. you didn't know the person you interacted with was shitty? delete it, block them, and move on. like avoiding a food you find gross in a buffet or taking out the trash. you'll be fine.

[romana-after-dark]

Ghost Of You: Chapter 1 SNEAK PEAK

Ellie Miller & Joel Miller

ft. Tommy Miller, Lorenzo and Zach and Lorenzo Aleverano

Sequel mini series taking place after The Wrong Way but is told through 3rd person, none omniscient so if you want to discover the truth alongside ellie without reading TWW you can, I just dont think it will be as powerful

Summary: 16 years after her mother's death, Ellie doesn't believe the stories her uncles and aunts tell her about her about her mom and dad. She knows they are lying, but she doesn't know abut what. Ellie spends her life thinking both her parents are dead, but soon finds out her suspicions were right... but Joel isn't fully honest with her either.

Content warnings: First and foremost this is a DARK SERIES! DARK THINGS WILL HAPPEN AND BE TALKED ABOUT! full warnings will be on the series masterlist when it comes out but although Joel is dark, he is NOT dark to ellie. no violence of any kind will happen to her.

****************

She had a good life in Jackson, she knew. Horror stories of the likes outside her home town were proof of that; infected, yes, but the raiders were often worse. Murder, torture, rape… 

Still, Ellie found herself wandering outside the city late at night, sneaking out the window on her ground floor bedroom. She didn’t have her gun, which she knew was stupid, but she figured her knife was enough; there wouldn’t be any dangers here, not with patrolmen out. Tommy had given her the knife when she was 8, saying that her mom had used it to kill the infected while in labor, protecting baby Ellie even though she just watched her husband get torn apart… the knife would protect her, he said, just like her mom, dad, and big sister Sarah did in heaven. 

She was smart, she knew the patrol pattern, able to dodge the faces she knew that would turn her into Tommy in a second. What would he do? He wouldn’t yell. He’d be disappointed. That was worse. 

Yeah, she wouldn’t get caught by the patrol. She wouldn’t be caught by infected. 

But the man she didn’t recognize in front of her was not something she was prepared for. A raider. Is he coming to steal a few horses and go? Is he scoping out the place for other to attack? Is he going to rape her, or kidnap her and traffick her and-

“Ellie June Miller.” The old man spoke soft as he stepped into the light of the stars, revealing his features. He was older, a few years older than Uncle Tommy at least with much more gray hair than him, shorter and a gruff beard. He was about the same height too, but broad, intimidating…

And he knew her full name.

****************

comment if you want to joel the tag list! im tagging those who have shown interest

@maura-honey @my-secret-shame-but-fanfiction @the-fox-den @not-a-unique-snowflake-blog @koshkaj-blog @primosworld

[gurophism]

i just want to say you arent alone in your struggles, ive been dealing with a similar problem and its been troubling me a lot lately too. im not sure if my advice will help at all but ive found the best solution is to make sure you dont isolate yourself... just being honest with how you feel will help a lot. and letting people know that they can call you out if they feel the need to has made me feel better as well...

i also personally struggle with dissecting parts of myself and trying to 'get rid' of them to make myself a more likeable person, and while i dont know if thats whats specifically happening to you, i think its still worthwhile to know you dont have to change fundamental parts of you to become more palatable. more often than not, those parts of you that you hate end up being things that people like about you. try to find a work around, if that makes sense. being kind to yourself is the best thing you can do.

again idk if thisll help but at least know youre heard... we arent close by any means but i enjoy seeing your posts on my dash and i visit your blog a lot, so i thought id at least try to let you know you arent totally on your own :-)

Sorry for taking so long, I appreciate you and your advice a lot, I really do. it does help knowing that another person can understand what i feel and know that i am not alone, so I hope you know that too yourself, alright? you’re always so nice to me, i hope people treat you kindly always. you’re one of my favorite blogs when I disappear for a while I always go check if you’re okay :) and I agree with you, I do think that the parts that we hate sometimes are the parts people finds the realest and more enjoyable of us, so that��s a reason I try to not change myself, at the end we can never hide completely, not even if we try, so maybe I should find comfort in that.

[devoteyrheart]

Do your muses like each other? What are their relationships with other muses on your blog?

(from) ― // @60104

im about to be stupid on main and you're just going to have to deal with it ig.

jean and erwin have a very special dynamic in my heart. erwin absolutely saw immense potential in jean, but it went beyond that. in the au where my erwin experiences heavy character development ( particularly pretraining to relationships and vulnerability ) , erwin's character development accidentally directly influences jean to start shedding his 'real men r tuff real men dont show vulnerability' frame of mind. tldr: erwin becomes an all-around good healthy male role model for jean.

but im not diving deeply into this one today. i'll be diving into other nonsense.

we all know mike and erwin got along, and that eld respected erwin a lot so i'll keep it short. mike was a very angry guy when he was younger and erwin is one of the people who helped him channel / re-direct that anger into something worthwhile. eld was very nihilistic until he met people like erwin and mike, and he was always very open to hearing what erwin had to say even when others made fun of him ( esp in their first year as cadets ). erwin could be a weird / intense guy sometimes, but he was so genuine and enthusiastic about his thoughts like... erwin really cared? like, eld thought erwin was just shooting the shit at first but then he realized that erwin actually cares about figuring stuff out? he actually CARES? it made eld cry ( privately ofc bc men don't cry ) because he didn't know people like that truly existed.

mike is very protective and patient with eld because he sees the younger version of himself in him a little bit. ilse has a brother / sister relationship with eld and his demeanor reminds her a lot of the brother she lost. gunther is the ideal bad cop to ilse's good cop and they figured this out pretty early on. marlene and eld are always testing gunther's patience, but only marlene gets genuinely offended by gunther sometimes. ( gunther probably has a huge crush on marlene, if i'm honest - there's just smth about the dynamic of a character who is v ok with taking risks and dying bc they see their death as a glory thing x a character who is cautious and wants to go tf home and doesn't think there's any glory in dying ).  

i have a brotp with marlene + ilse + hange ( i write hange privately ). ilse is v much the 'guys i support u and all but lets remember the Geneva convention yea?' person of the team. marlene isn't as curious as hange and ilse. ( at first ) hange and marlene care less about the ''greater'' good than ilse. hange found out ilse used to work at a hospital and was delighted when ilse let her borrow her illustrated v graphic anatomy books. marlene thinks she needs to be a hardass and a cool girl: ilse can very easily see through her façade like ( marlene reminds ilse of her living brother ) and hange couldn't give less of a shit about any of that, so hange and ilse both offer a safe space for marlene to be who she is whoever that is no pressure. marlene thinks hange is a weirdo but is promptly down to clown with ANY of hange's ideas more often than not. ilse doesn't think hange is a weirdo and is often down to clown with hange's ideas if they don't affect anyone apart from the three of them but if they do she's the only saying 'pause. lets think this out shall we?" because sometimes it seems like there's only 1 braincell between the three of them and after hange does all the creative thinking it promptly jumps to ilse. it's just a fun and wholesome dynamic, especially as they get older and are pulled in different directions and establish connections with other characters, but always touch base with each other. well. at least they did until ilse got eaten and marlene got yeeted.

ty for coming to my ted talk.

[oonajaeadira]

You make a really great point. Like for example, I specifically disclose its a female reader in most of my fics but provide no other physical disclosures. I absolutely try to make it inclusive, but almost none of us can say we never do those things. Especially with reader inserts, we typically imagine ourselves to varying degrees and so things slip in, like physical acts of running through your hair, or inferences to a reader who may not be thin, because accident or not, most of us will include descriptors beacuse its natural to do.

I don't subscribe to coming across reader attributes that arent matching to yourself and getting angry about it, beacuse most of them aren't done in malice or to be exclusionary. You are right that if you claim the reader has no descriptions then you should be more careful about how you write it, but when screw ups happen, people need to remember that we make mistakes and gently pointing it out so we can fix it and learn from it will ALWAYS be better then storming into the writers inbox with hateful rhetoric.

I think theres a tendancy to turn annoyance into outrage and claim that it comes from an negative place on the writers side when thats not true. We write readers to be inclusive, but if small mentions of things we may not even have noticed we wrote will upset someone so greatly, maybe they need to take some time away from reading fics and learn how to cope with that frustration, rather than taking it out on the writer. If I dont give any specifications about the reader one way or the other, it doesnt mean Im only targeting one type of person, it means I am trying to be as broad as possible and when there is a standout factor that matters more than others, I'll point it out beforehand (i.e female reader, plus size reader ect)

We as writers truly do our best to be inclusive but it will never be perfect, and I think the fandom needs to take a step back and rethink the tendancy to attack for small upsets to an aggressive degree as if they are ill intended. I just agreed with your take a lot beacuse sometimes writers in this fandom arent given the benefit of the doubt.

I agree with you. Nobody does this out of malice. And, *laughing at myself* I'm going to be honest here.

Sometimes I'm just frustrated because I have an instinct to reach out and help the author do better so their fic is better received.

In my day job, I assist new producers/writers/makers of theater. I help run an organization that helps put new work out into the public eye and we actually run marketing workshops. And one of the big things we teach new producers is how to correctly market their work.

If you promise something and don't deliver, or you pull a bait and switch, your audience may get upset because of that unmet expectation, and then you know what happens? Negative reviews.

The #1 way to please an audience (besides putting out stellar content), is to set up promises you can keep and fulfill any expectations you set before them.

So half of my frustration often sits not in that "hey, you offended me by not including me" it's in that "oof, this is bad practices for your art and you should not be setting up promises you can't keep" pet peeve of mine.

At the same time, as someone that's been making art for a long time, I still make the mistakes I warn new producers about. And as a fic writer I KNOW I've done these things. I am--as I believe everyone is from time to time--a raging hypocrite!

But. I think we're living in an age where any infraction is treated as a life-or-death situation and people can get really shouty about their criticisms. I understand that it's hard to see there's an individual behind the blog/counter/whatever and that emotions can us all feel like shouting at one person means everyone who should hear it will hear it. No.

And by that same token, it's easy to believe that everyone who comes to you with shouty, mean anons is attacking you and only you when in fact, they are just hurting and want someone to know it and fix it all.

That's why I wanted to clarify my post and say more here too. I think it's worth looking at myself and trying to see WHY I'm frustrated and where it comes from. And that any time I've been frustrated with an author that promises what they can't deliver, it's not a life and death situation. They're not doing it to personally offend me. They have learning and growing to do. I have learning and growing to do.

Gentleness is key. We should--as the post that's been circling lately says--approach every situation as if best intentions are meant. And be gentle with each other.

[krunchylegs]

more yap 💔

i think i want to do a fast on the weekend, a 48hour fast spanning over the weekend, if my dad cooks then ill have to do OMAD to avoid being suspicious (cant not eat bc theres already an underweight person in the household 😓) she doesnt have an ed, maybe ed behaviors but not in the way thats intentional, i think its more of a sensory thing or something like that.

im not sure bc she doesnt talk abt it but she wants to gain weight and muscle and go to the gym last time i checked, so idk why she aint tryna get her protein in. she just forgets to eat..

but anyways after the fast ill do omad with tomato soup for 2 days lol and then ill go back to eating 800 cals (limit not goal) bc i tried 700 limit and i think that was too low for me bc it made me obsess over food more. im still leaning into it, tbh im lucky tho bc when i first started tracking calories i usually hit 1500, but its still hard lowering calorific intake 😓esp when ur used to just eating when ur hungry, now its hard to not eat when im not even hungry??? like that doesnt make sense, and then i feel full and gross but its not even like a binge type of thing, and honestly ive misused the word binge a few times on my blog which im tryna stop doing bc i feel like its not an honest depiction of whats going on, anyways why does protein powder lowkey have so many calories like wdym 30g is 117cals, like what the fuck am i supposed to add that to, and then its like fat free greek yogurt! but if i dont add peanut butter it taste so sad, but then its like way more cals than i thought it would be + the volume isnt even that much..

at least i get to make my own lunch and breakfast, idk if i should start skipping breakfast again but after eating an apple for breakfast for a few days, u get used to having that extra bit of energy, honestly i think thats why i keep eating actually, i keep trying to keep my blood sugar up or something, istg why cant my body be smart and energize itself from the literal stored energy?? like ermmm thats what its there for??

anyways my food for tomorrow

breakfast+lunch(bc im not bothered to separate the cals i calculated for my lunchbox that also holds my breakfast) - 555 (oh em gee angale numbar 🥰)

falafel things - 220 i think

and if i eat outside of this itll be my dads chicken stew that he made, which was actually nice, it tasted healthy? it had vegetables in it, which like why dont i eat vegetables that often? i should buy frozen broccoli, i actually love broccoli sm its so underrated. not sure how to estimate it but if i eat any itll be a small portion, i dont think itll be too high cal, since the ingredients were pretty clean looking and its only stew, most of it is vegetables

anyways goodnight im so tired

[penumbrialhexandroga]

So i really want a space where i can just write about and share my experiences / scream into the void.

Im unsure if i should make a livejournal for this? I feel like it would be potentially less likely to gain viewership than a tumblr. Hmm i can feel a lot of parts activating but i cant decipher what they think. And then theres W whos jjst like, are you seriously trying to so this again? After the shit show that was the last time? Why do you think you deleted your old blog in the first place?

I have parts. Everyone has parts. It's not a pathological thing to have parts. Im practicing IFS therapy with my therapist. I see him once every two weeks.

I want a space where i can truly be myself, authentically and raw and uncensored. Because i wasnt really able to develop a cohesive feeling of self as i was growing up.

"Leave this for therapy, dont put this online; youre attention seeking" - im not doing this for views im doing this because i want to fit in :( i want to do the things i never allowed myself to do in the past. I want a presence on social media, not so others can look at me but so i can participate in some way. Im supposed to be going against my patterns of avoidance and hiding in isolation.

I do not have DID! So full stop, i dont want to participate in the syscourse stuff. When i look up stuff about osdd and DID on this website, everything is so disconnected from my personal experience. I do have a plethora of other diagnosed mental health conditions though. Such as autism, thats one im very open about. Level 1. But i dont want this to be about labels. I finally reached a stage where im like, i dont care about the labels, my experience is what it is and no diagnostic label will change that. I used to think that i needed a diagnostic label in order to understand my experience, but i dont think that anymore.

I dont feel like i can talk to anyone in my personal life about my experiences, besides my therapist and i only see him once every other week :/

Man i wish i never deleted my old blog :/

My therapist sometimes will talk directly to my parts. Not sometimes, often, like every session tbh. Ive shared about one of my experiences in a discord group im in (its small and very much focused on DID as an extension of cptsd not as an alter disorder or the syscourse stuff. I found it when i was looking for a cptsd server focused on IFS. I said its focused on did as an extension.... but its more focused on just healing from trauma disorders, it advertises as a cptsd server it just has systems in it and system sections, but its not like a plural discord or anything. Its very healthy and focused on healing and being grounded from what i can tell)

Anywayssss i shared about one of my experiences where i was in a really emotional state (thinking why cant i just stop? I wish i could just stop! [Feeling this way]" and then it felt like the camera lens switched out and i felt my whole body relax and all my emotions from before were just gone and i was able to get on with my business like nothing had even happened. And one of the members (with DID) said that that sounds like how they experience some of their switches!! And i just responded that i know it all exists on a spectrum. I dont have time loss or anything. God okay now i can feel myself getting all in my head. I just wanted to practice being vulnerable and honest on here so i could get that road block out of the way. Im totally sober. (Sometimes i want to do this kind of thing when im stoned but i stop myself).

Ill be honest. When i went to get assessed for autism i also mentioned how my old therapist said i had "dissociative tendencies". So my psych, he didnt specialize in that area. He said he could give me a form to fill out and he'd put the results onto my final report, but it wouldnt be a diagnosis. Id have to see a specialist about whatever result there was. So he gave me the SCID-D to fill out. And my results were consistent with "PTSD, DID, and a possible somatoform disorder". This was three years ago. I cried after reading it because it was such a shock. I thought i might have DP/DR or maaaaybe OSDD but absolutely no way DID. It scared me so much that i didnt do anything about it.

Then, a few years later i think, i was in college. University actually, i managed to get into a really good one and i transferred over. Eventually i started to lose my mind. It was a lot. I might write about it in more detail later but it can be hard to think about sometimes. I was hearing voices. I was experiencing extreme motor and vocal tics. I wasnt safe to drive and i eventually did drop out (not before making the Deans List though 😎), but i was also broke and needed a job and just couldnt manage logistically. Plus there was a long period of time where i just did not feel safe to drive. I started seeing my current therapist during this "Episode". At the time i was conviced i had DID and i really had dove head first into the online system community stuff. I had zeroooo capacity for critical thinking at this time. In fact i had one experience that was completely real to me but ill never really be able to know if it actually happened or not. I was scrolling TikTok lives after midnight, and when i entered this one the host said "oh perfect and heres Little [my irl name, not my username]. He only comes out after midnight. You have to be careful because when youre in this state people are going to try to take advantage of you". Obviously scared the hell out of me and i ended up driving myself deeper into madness trying to rationalize how it couldve happened. But it was a lot of stuff like that. It was a really really difficult time for me.

Anyways. Started seeing my current therapist. Its been over a year now, actually over two years i think? Ive reconnected with a lot of my parts that i first connected with during that episode. Once the episode dissipated i thought that, all the parts id met were just imaginary and i was out of my mind misinterpreting things. But now ive been in therapy for a while and my parts have spoken with my therapist, hes validated their existance and talks with them. Even my tendency to shut down those feelings, theres a part that when im trying to connect with my parts will say "stop deluding yourself, this is pointless". I want to work more with this part because i can feel it holds so much misery and hopelessness :(. But anyways, my therapist has helped me to see that part that diminishes my experiences, tells me the parts arent real, that i never went through anything bad, is a defense mechanism to help me survive those rough experiences that i did go through.

Im a big fan of IFS because i can work with and accept my parts without pathologizing them. A huge fear i had when i got that final report back was that my family had abused me in ways that were so severe i cant remember them. It made me paranoid. But thats not baggage that i need to carry. Everyone has parts. My working with my parts, doing the hard work, is working. My parts developed to help me survive my unique experience. To navigate the labyrinth. I love my parts. Okay well not all my parts love my parts i guess lool.

**** id thought id edit this. I didnt read all of what i wrote because its a fuck ton. Anyways i usually do not care, its a spectrum (not from easier to severe >:( like autism is sorta) disorder and the treatment is the same. My experience is what it is and a label doesnt change that. Sometimes i just get obsessive about things but its not like. What i believe at my core :). I do have parts that are like pathological tho. Like they developed from overwhelming trauma and do their best to protect me!