#i dont put a lot of weight into appearance when it comes to gender

[felidthing]

my specialest little detail about applestrike is she actually has a second voiceclaim. her main one is ada rook but when i was still deciding who it would be bert mccracken was actually the runner-up. i thought it was fun to imagine my transfem kitty with a male voiceclaim (tho bert is pretty high pitched) but i ended up picking rook because i love her and it felt easier in the long run for applestrike to have a female voiceclaim. but bert will always be another option in my heart

[morwensteelsheen]

farawyn and borodred for the ship ask game thing?

thank you so much!! :)

okay i’ll start with borodred because for some unfathomable reason i actually got there first —

1. What made you ship it?

One of my favourite Types of ships is the Elder Statesmen Of War-type set-ups, where it’s less about people brought together through theatrical romantic gestures and more about the steadiness of people who are going through similar (immensely difficult) circumstances, who know that in their hearts they’re always going to put their duty to that cause first, but still seek out human comfort in other people who will understand what their priorities are and why.

I think there’s also a lot of similarities about the kind of helplessness they both face despite having this tremendous innate strength. Both of them still have to deal with family dynamics that are complex (made more complex by the war) and that can’t be fixed just by their own sheer will power; both of them die these utterly unnecessary deaths (not that death makes a ship but I think in this instance it actually points to the constant tragedy these guys face); and both of them are meant to be the principal figures of their families and people and are ultimately sidelined by the cruel mechanisations of war and the forward march of history or whatever wanky term there is for it — my apologies to ep thompson's ghost, dont haunt me bro.

Plus there’s obviously the interesting thread raised when Faramir starts bitching about Gondor and likens Gondor (and by very explicit extension, Boromir) to Rohan. That always made me go ‘Hmmmmmm, wonder what else Boromir liked about Rohan,’ lmao.

Anyways for me the ship is the equivalent of Star Wars’ Kanan and Hera or (my OTP to end all others) Luke and Wedge, just people getting by on love and duty and without big ol fancy romance.

2. What are your favorite things about the ship?

The fanon, I think, really makes it, as with so many other LOTR ships. battlefield manners, by themightypen is essentially the definitive take for me on them — these two guys who are just so fucking exhausted, man, but still overcome by defensive love for their families, even if their (foster-)siblings are naïve fools. That I just love, love, love. Plus I think they’re unique for their ability to pretty comfortable explore the relationship between Gondor & Rohan in advance of the Ring War without having to stray too far into AU, which I always appreciate.

3. Is there an unpopular opinion you have on your ship?

Not really, tbh, except in that I don’t think Boromir is necessarily as laddy as people like to portray him. I’m happy to play into it in, say, my modern AUs because I think that’s a fun and sweet niche for him, but I am a bit 🤪 about Boromir as this kind of reckless, drunken playboy (not least because I think that’s a much funnier niche for Faramir to fill, at least when he’s younger). Chapter Four of Swaddledog’s Hearts and Minds gets my preferred Boromir characterisation absolutely spot on, I think.

And now, sigh, the ultimate OTP, Farawyn —

1. What made you ship it?

For starters, I think I am obsessed with Éowyn in a way I’ve never quite been obsessed with any other fictional character. I came to reading LOTR at this moment in my life where I was intensely frustrated about everything — trapped inside permanently (helplessly!) because of the pandemic, just starting a new political organisation that I truly believed in but that was still making me feel like shit, facing down an untenable about of work, and, fundamentally, really, really hating being a woman and what that means. And along comes Éowyn, who is bitter, who is cold, who is ANGRY, and who doesn’t perform joy or softness or gentleness just because people expect her to. She’s this seminal Woman Of War in so many ways, I think the kind of person a lot of us wish we could be. She’s got her emotional taps cut off at the source, she holds her head high and faces down unimaginable personal and political terrors, and at the end of it all still has this abiding love for her family that, I would argue, is almost unparalleled by anyone else in the book.

After all that, she gets this incredible moment of emotional catharsis (or what we expect to be emotional catharsis): “no living man am I!” She undertakes THE greatest martial act of the Ring War, and in that moment there’s this unbelievably sophisticated dialogue happening about gender (“Éowyn it was, and Dernhelm also”), and leadership (Merry finding his courage not because of the immediate scenario of the Witch-king, but because he’s spurred into it by Éowyn’s presence), and love and care.

And then we learn that no, actually, this glorious act of violence wasn’t the emotional catharsis we thought it would be. She gets to ride to war, she gets to throw herself headlong at death, and in the end that hopeless act of individualism isn’t really what does it for her. She’s still left desolate and despairing, and actually all of her problems haven’t gone away.

And then we need to rewind a bit, because along comes Faramir, who is gentle, and is kind, and does seem to believe in joy, but not because people expect it — actually it's made abundantly clear nobody expects it — but because it’s something quite innate to how he figures the world. And he’s a huge fucking nerd too. I have a lot of thoughts on Faramir’s flaws and why I find them endearing, which I won’t put here, but almost immediately you get this sense of a guy who’s quite melodramatic, good humoured, and very much not made to live in a time of war.

But he’s also clear-headed about war and what it requires (tactically, if not strategically, though that’s a post for another day), but who is kind of cynical and weary of it in his own unique way. And it’s a unique cynicism given his personal circumstances because he’s the second son of The great family of Gondor, he’s apparently — though with some big ol’ question marks hanging about the extent — very able to command some of the elite units in the realm, and what’s more than that, he’s got all these fantastical powers (the light mind reading to start, to say nothing of this apparently magical ability to command animals too. bruh.). By all accounts he should be this brazen hot mess, but he’s not. He’s desperate to claw his way out of this war-torn cage of expectation his people have for how a man should comport himself in time of war. Is it a little naïve? Sure. A little fussy? Absolutely. But does it point to that same desperation that Éowyn has? Yes! But also the practicality, like, neither of them are really enjoying the circumstances they live under, but good fucking god are they both able to Make It Work.

So finally we get to the Houses of Healing and what is the finest and most aggressively romantic writing of LOTR. Seriously, it’s so fucking much. It’s breathtaking. It reminds me quite viscerally of this fabulous quote from Les Mis:

The power of a glance has been so much abused in love stories, that it has come to be disbelieved in. Few people dare now to say that two beings have fallen in love because they have looked at each other. Yet it is in this way that love begins, and in this way only.

At some point I will devote more time to talking about the two reasons line, and the blissful Queen of Gondor speech, but I think to me that big, important line is: “And then her heart changed, or at least she understood it; and the winter passed, and the sun shone upon her.”

It’s not about Éowyn changing herself entirely (though, I think, it really does bear mentioning that she does change, and that’s every bit as important to understanding that scene as it is romantic), it’s about Éowyn coming to terms with how to live with herself as herself, and how to live in communion with someone else. She can’t just cut people out anymore, and she can’t just treat them as objects of infatuation as she did with Aragorn, she has to reckon with people as they are. And that’s sort of the moment where I knew I was about to plunge fully off the deep end with these two and never know a moments’ peace again, lmao.

2. What are your favorite things about the ship?

Someone on here once called Farawyn a love letter to women and, by god, yes, exactly that. I love the capacity for emotional intimacy, that is beautiful in ways I can’t express. To me, though, my favourite thing is the promise of life they speak of. Not as in oh they shag loads and have babies (though not opposed to that, obviously), but in the sense that unlike Aragorn and Arwen, who are always going to be buried under/burdened with the crushing weight of history and tradition, Éowyn and Faramir are going out yonder those hills and they’re going to do some real cottagecore farming shit. Obviously with all the trappings of rank and nobility and whatnot, but they, unique to anybody else in the books, get to sow this new idea of what life should be. They are, outside of Aragorn, the single most powerful people in Gondor. Éowyn’s got the ear of a king, a steward (which is essentially a prime-ministerial deal here), and functionally her own prince (if the hobbits are to be believed when they refer to it as essentially hers). I suspect that, in life, there were remarkably few arguments she wasn’t winning, and that Ithilien probably trended towards the jumped up noble hippie camp Tolkien so desperately wanted Oxford to be (or, in other words — Cambridge, lol).

3. Is there an unpopular opinion you have on your ship?

Yeah, man, everybody stop treating Faramir like he’s a big fucking crybaby and Éowyn like she’s some kind of shrieking 2010-era tumblr girl.

One of the single most important lines defining Faramir’s character is when Denethor roasts his ass for always trying to appear noble and lordly, if you ignore every other piece of textual evidence we have about him, what part of that line makes you think Faramir’s some simpering daisy? And why would you want to link tremendous emotional intelligence and care with being too limp-wristed to function, lol??? Like I struggle loads with writing Faramir, because I have never once in my life tried to be noble or self-restrained, so find it hard to get into that mindset, but better, I think, to imagine him too closed off than to do this wilting flower song and dance lmao.

And stop making Éowyn out to be this over-emotional angst machine. She’s got problems, yes, and she’s sure as shit got a lot of angst, but at almost every point in the book where we’re overtly dealing with her emotions, she’s sublimating them into something else. One of the most serious times we see her cry is when she’s fighting with Aragorn about riding out, and after that moment she literally tries to kill herself. Those tears aren’t standard, man, that’s a real watershed (lol) moment for her. You have to read around what the text is saying to get a better feel why everybody’s constantly calling her cold and distant.

[iridescentides]

hi again dia! happy first day of december ❤️💚 i wanted to ask you what, in your opinion, are the 5 most underrated dcoms? i remember you saying before that you've watched all of them so i'd love to hear your opinions 😊 - 🎅🎁🎄

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH secret santa you are so good! asking me all the best questions 💜

okay so i literally had to make a list of all the dcoms i consider underrated and then narrow down a top 5. theres lots of dcoms that i love, but that i think got the right amount of attention and care (like lemonade mouth and the teen beach movies, for example), so this list just focuses on ones that deserved more hype for their quality level.

5. The Cheetah Girls: One World (2008)

okay so even as i type this i feel like a hypocrite. i have only watched this movie one time. BUT i can acknowledge that its one of the most criminally underrated dcoms ever, tons of people didnt watch it simply because raven wasnt in it. thats why i avoided it as a child, and i didnt get around to watching it until i did my big dcom binge in 2016. and it was so good. theres a really long post floating somewhere around tumblr full of specifics on why its actually the best cheetah girls movie (my favorite is the second one purely out of nostalgia), so to paraphrase some points from that post:

its a solid example of cultural appreciation, rather than appropriation, as the girls go and learn about bollywood and indian culture together

the indian characters arent treated like props or unimportant sides, they get their own agency and storylines that are important

the songs are good!!!

basically this movie was overlooked and slept on even though in terms of role modeling and social value, and just like the first two cheetah girls movies it was important and impactful.

4. Sharpay’s Fabulous Adventure (2011)

okay so as someone whos very neutral and occasionally negative-leaning towards the hsm franchise (mostly bc its overhyped and not really representative of all dcoms), i was pleasantly surprised by sharpays fabulous adventure. this is another one that i know lots of people skipped right over and dont hold with as much esteem as the main hsm franchise, and that doesnt sit right with me.

i do not agree with the “uwu sharpay was the real victim in hsm” arguments bc in their efforts to look galaxy brained the people who say that overlook the fact that she was a rich white woman who used her power and status to exercise control over opportunities that should have been fairly and freely available for all; they were not “making a mockery of her theater” in the first movie, they were literally just kids who wanted to try out a new school activity that everyone was supposed to be allowed to participate in; and despite allegedly learning her lesson and singing we’re all in this together with everyone at the end of the first movie, she literally showed no growth in the second movie as she fostered an openly hostile environment and favored troy so heavily that it literally cost him his friends, all as part of yet another jealous plan to take things away from people who already have less than her. she was NOT the victim in the main franchise, and she did not seem to exhibit any growth or introspection either.

and that!!! is why sharpays fabulous adventure was so important. in focusing on sharpay as the main character, they finally had to make her likeable. they did this by showing actual real growth and putting her outside of her sphere of influence and control. we saw true vulnerability from her, instead of the basic ass “mean girl is sad bc shes actually just super insecure” trope (cough cough radio rebel), and this opened us up to finally learn about and care about her character. throughout the movie we see her learn, from her love interests example, how to care for others and be considerate. she faces actual adversity and works through it, asking herself what she truly wants and what shes capable of. and in the end, when she finally has her big moment, we’re happy for her bc she worked hard to get there. she becomes a star through her own merit and determination, rather than through money and connections. this movie is not perfect by any means, but it is severely underrated for the amount of substance it adds to sharpays character.

3. The Swap (2016)

okay i know im gonna get shit for this but thats why its on this list!!! just like sharpays fabulous adventure, its not perfect and definitely misses the mark sometimes, but it deserves more attention and love for all the things it did get right!

the swap follows two kids who accidentally switch bodies because of their emotional attachment to their dead/absent parents’ phones. and while i normally HATE the tv/movie trope of a dead parent being the only thing that builds quick sympathy for a young character, they definitely expanded well enough to where we could root for these kids even without the tragedy aspect. we see them go through their daily struggles and get a feel for their motivations as characters pretty well. as a body switching movie, we expect it to be all goofy and wacky and lighthearted, but it moves beyond that in unexpected ways.

the reason the swap is on this list is for its surprisingly thoughtful commentary on gender roles. its by no means a feminist masterpiece, and its not going to radicalize kids who watch it, but it conveys a subtle, heartfelt message that deserves more appreciation. the characters struggle with the concept of gender in a very accurate way for their age, making off-base comments and feeling trapped by the weight of expectations they cant quite put their finger on. we watch them feel both at odds with and relieved by the gender roles they are expected and allowed to perform in each others bodies, and one of the most interesting parts of the movie to me is their interactions with the other kids around them. as a result of their feeling out of place in each others environments, the kids inadvertently change each others friendships for the better by introducing new communication styles and brave authenticity. 

the value of this movie is the subtle, but genuine way it shows the characters growing through being given the space to act in conflicting ways to their expected norms. ellie realizes that relationships dont have to be complex, confusing, and painful, and that its okay to not live up to appearances and images. jack learns that emotional expression is good, healthy, and especially essential to the grieving process. one of the most powerful scenes in the movie comes at the end where, after ellie confronts jacks dad in his body, jack returns as himself to a very heartfelt apology from his father for being too hard on him; the explicit message (”boys can cry”) is paired with an open expression of love and appreciation for his kids that he didnt feel comfortable displaying until his son set an example through honest communication. this is such an empowering scene and overall an empowering movie for kids who may feel stuck in their expected roles, as it sets a positive example for having the courage to break the restrictive societal mold. for its overall message of the importance of introspection and emotional intelligence, the swap is extremely underrated.

2. Freaky Friday (2018)

this is my favorite dcom, and probably my favorite movie at this point. ive always assigned a lot of personal value to this movie (and i love every freaky friday in general), for the message of selfless familial love and understanding. i know i can get carried away talking about this topic; i got an anon ask MONTHS ago asking me about the freaky friday movies and i wrote a super super long detailed response that i never posted bc i didnt quite finish talking about the 2018 movie. and thats bc on a personal level, i cant adequately convey all the love i have for this movie. so i will try to keep this short.

first lets state the obvious: the reason people dont like this movie is bc its not the lindsay lohan version. and i get that, to an extent, bc i also love the 2003 version and its one of my ultimate comfort movies, and grew up watching it and ive seen it a billion times. i even watched it a couple days ago. but the nostalgia goggles that people have on from the early 2000s severely clouds their judgement of the wonderful 2018 remake.

yes, the 2018 version is dorky, overly simplistic plot wise, a bit stiff at times, and super cheesy like any dcom. the writing isnt 100% all the time. the narrative takes a couple confusing turns. the song biology probably shouldnt have been included. i understand this. but at the heart of it all, this movies value is love. and its edge over all the other freaky friday movies is the songs.

on a personal level, the movie speaks heavily to me. i cried very early into my first viewing of the movie bc i got to see dara renee, a dark-skinned, non-skinny actress, playing the mean popular girl on disney channel. that has never happened before. growing up, i saw the sharpays and all the other super thin white women get to be the “popular” girls on tv, and ultimately they were taken down in the end for being mean, but that doesnt change the fact that they were given power and status in the first place for being conventionally beautiful. so, watching dara renee strut around confidently and sing about being the queen bee at this high school got to me immediately. and in general, the supporting cast members of color really mean a lot to me in this movie. we get to see adam, an asian male love interest for the main character. we have a second interracial relationship in the movie with katherines marriage to mike. ellies best friend karl is hispanic. and we see these characters have depth and plot significance, we see them show love, care, and passion for the things they value. the brown faces in this movie are comforting to me personally. additionally, the loving, blended family dynamic is important to me as someone in a close-knit, affectionate step-family.

but on a more general level, this movie is underrated for its skillful musical storytelling and the way it conveys all kinds of love and appreciation. in true freaky friday fashion, we watch ellie and katherine stumble and misstep in their attempts to act like each other. its goofy and fun. but through it all, the music always captures the characters’ intimate thoughts and feelings. the opening song gives us a meaningful view into ellie and katherines relationship and the fundamental misunderstandings that play a role in straining their connection. ellie sings about how she thinks her mom wants her to be perfect, and her katherine sings about all the wonderful traits she sees in her daughter and how she wants her to be more open and self assured. this is meaningful bc even as theyre mad at each other, the love comes through. the songs continue to bring on the emotional weight of the story, as ellie sings to her little brother about her feelings of hurt and abandonment in her fathers absence. the song “go” and its accompanying hunt scene always make me cry bc of the childlike wonder and sense of adventure that it brings. for the kids, its a coming of age, introspective song. for katherine who gets to participate in ellies body, its a reminder of youth and the rich, full life her daughter has ahead of her. she is overcome with excitement, both from getting to be a teenager again for a day, and from the realization that her daughter has a support network and passions that are all her own. today and ev’ry day, the second to last song, is the culmination of the lessons learned throughout the movie, a mother and daughters tearful commitment to each other to love, protect, and understand one another. the line “if today is every day, i will hold you and protect you, i wont let this thing affect you” gets to me every time. even when things are hard and dont go according to plan, they still agree, in this moment, to be there for each other. and thats what all freaky friday stories are ultimately about.

freaky friday 2018 is a beautiful, inclusive, subversive display of familial love, sacrifice, and selflessness, and it is underrated and overlooked because of its more popular predecessor.

1. Let It Shine (2012)

this is another one of my favorite dcoms and movies in the whole world. unlike the other movies on this list, it is not the viewers themselves that contribute to the underrated-ness of this movie. disney severely under-promoted and under-hyped this movie in comparison to its other big musical franchises, and i will give you five guesses as to why, but youll only need one!

let it shine is the most beautifully, unapologetically black dcom in the whole collection. (i would put jump in! at a notable second in this category, but that one wasnt underrated). this movie was clearly crafted with care and consideration. little black kids got to see an entire dcom cast that represented them. the vernacular used in the script is still tailored mostly to white-favoring audiences, but with some relevant slang thrown in there. in short, the writers got away with the most blackness they were allowed to inject into a disney channel project.

the story centers on rap music and its underground community in atlanta, georgia. it portrays misconceptions surrounding rap, using a church setting as a catalyst for a very real debate surrounding a generational, mutlicultural conflict. this was not a “safe” movie for disney, given its emphasis on religious clashes with contemporary values. it lightly touches on issues of image policing within the black community (cyrus’s father talking about how “our boys” are running around with sagging pants and “our girls” are straying away from god), which is a very real and pressing problem for black kids who feel the pressure (from all sides) of representing their whole race with their actions. its a fun, adorable story about being yourself and staying true to your art, but also a skillful representation of struggles unique to black and brown kids and children from religious backgrounds.

on top of crafting a fun, wholesome, thoughtful narrative and likeable protagonists, let it shine brought us what is in my opinion the BEST dcom soundtrack of all time. every single song is a bop. theyre fast, fun, and lyrically engaging. “me and you” is my favorite disney channel song of all time due to its narrative significance; i will never forget my first time watching the movie and seeing that big reveal unfold onstage, as a conversation and a plot summary all wrapped into a song. the amount of thought and care that went into the music of this movie should have been rewarded with a level of attention on par with that of other musical dcoms.

if disney channel had simply cared about let it shine more, it couldve spanned franchises and sold songs the way that other musical dcoms have drawn in success. i would have loved for a sequel that explored and fleshed out cyrus’s neighborhood a little bit more, and maybe dipped into that underground scene they caught a glimpse of. i wanted a follow up on the changed church community once cyrus’s father started supporting his sons vision. i want so much more for these characters and this world than disney gave them in just one movie.

for its bold, unabashed representation of blackness and religion, subtle, nuanced presentation of race-specific issues, strong, likeable characters, and complex, thoughtful songs, let it shine is the most underrated dcom.

and because i made a full list before i started writing this post, here are some honorable mentions:

going to the mat (2004)

gotta kick it up! (2002)

tru confessions (2002)

dont look under the bed (1999)

invisible sister (2015)

[onepeachymo]

heyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy you seem cool soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo can you answer all the questions that make you think????? pretty fucking please??

i love talkking about myself and im so ego and i want you to know so i will

Nickname?

i dont have one

Hair color?

brown

Eye color?

brown

Height?

brown

Any siblings?

yes

Any pets?

i dont like to be touched

Favorite color?

uhhhhhhh that one . i dont remembr whats its called? sky

Favorite number?

Favorite animal?

man

Any phobias?

you will not get the one up on me i will not let you know my weakness you can not beat me and my big muscles i will squash you little by little i will drop large weights on you you dont even know i am so fucking twisted cuycle path im on a bike

Favorite game?

Mario :)

Sexuality?

?

Gender identity?

?????

Favorite subject in school?

i dont go to school

Any piercings?

ear

Any tattoos?

ear

Do you like sports?

do you see how fruity i am? what type of question sit his

What are your hobbies?

sports games

Favorite music genre?

i go to the pond and i lay in the water and i listen

Favorite book?

i dont read

Favorite show?

i dont watch

Favorite movie?

i hate media

Describe one thing about your physical appearance

white

Describe one thing about your identity

fruity

Favorite flower?

Lily of the Valley! Every year around Mother’s Day they sprout up by the side of my house! My mom and I are always eagerly awaiting and checking on the progress of them! And when they finally come up my mom picks them and puts them in my room! :) They smell really good and always remind me of home, I think they’re just sooo cute! :)

Favorite food?

pussy

Something you’re good at?

eating pussy

Something you wish you were better at?

Talking to my father. It’s been years since I last saw him. Our relationship is basically nonexistent at this point. I wish I could tell him I don’t blame him for all the bad things that happened. I know the guilt he feels is leagues above what I could understand and yet still I can’t bring myself to talk to him about it.

Something you spend a lot of time doing?

eating pussy

A hobby you have?

i already answered this

[livinasimminlife]

Dear David...

If you’ve kept up with The Krazy Crazy Life of Kassiopeia Fullbright, you’ll know about the appearance of the Bayless family from Twinbrook. If not, then, ***minor spoiler alert!***

Davis Lamar is related to them... a.k.a. David Bayless. Arc 34, Remembering, briefly features the Bayless family. I decided to share some stills from my gameplay for fun. 

Avery Bayless (14)  is rather angry that the soda machine ate her simoleons. She really hoped for a refreshing drink after school.

Dear David, I really hate this blasted machine! I wish you were here to reach up with your long arms and grab the cola. 

Frustrated, Avery gives up and comes home to play ball with her brother, Taye on their Bayuck swamp farm.

The days and nights kinda blend together, but every night, Taye and I play ball. It’s kinda nice. I know he wouldn’t admit it but he’s grown to be handsome while you’ve been gone... er... except for those ears! 

Taye Bayless (17) tosses a baseball with his sister, Avery near the swamp. He’s taking a break from studying for exams, and he adores his kid sister. 

At least I can wear my hair long to cover mine. The girls at school still make fun of me. I don’t know if I can ever show my face again there after falling flat on my pimply nose while trying to get that blasted cola!

Avery and Taye play ball in the yard near the water tower that provides fresh water for the Bayless family. Also Avery’s sporting her rainboots since the ground can be quite mushy in the swamps. Avery shares a special relationship with Taye as they both love the outdoors and are active. 

But here on the farm, I can just be goofy self and laugh and play in the yard. No one’s gonna see me with all this swamp grass ‘round. Don’t feel like you gotta write back. It’s just stupid stuff here, really. Don’t even know howta end so bye, I guess. ~ Aves

Skye Bayless (16) plays the bass much like their older half-brother, Davis. They also have a flamboyant style. In game, when Skye aged up from toddler to child, they had a feminine hairstyle, and when they aged up to teen, Skye was actually wearing a dress. I decided Skye is gender fluid as the game encouraged me, preferring they/their as pronouns. Look at the pure joy on their face! 

Evening hangs in sultry skies; the heat of sweetgrass swaying in the sweaty breeze. The scent of sun-soaked tea tickles my nose and tempts me away from practice. I ponder little and then I play the love song only Bayucks know and beat my foot upon the porch wood. I strum the notes you taught me b’fore and think of the soft twangs on a sweltering night that barely scratch the sky for which I’m named.

Skye shares a room with their older brother, Taye. Taye is a studious kid and is looking forward to university and getting out of the backwater swamp. Here he practicing writing his speech. 

How do I start? I miss you sounds trite. I love you sounds stupid. But I do, mmkay? Uni apps are due soon and M’as breathi’n down’em my neck, but ya know...what she dont’ realize is I really wanna go and be out there in the world. And somehow I know its tough for ya’s now, but you make it seem okay... that the world aint so scary if you can face everythin’g that’s you have and still come out okay. So hang on... oh and um... when you get home... I still need help with apos’trophes. - Love, Taye (and yeah, Im cool with mushyness but dont’cha tell Ma). 

Little River (5) Bayless is sad. She misses her big brother very much. She also lost her doll somewhere and fears the dog took off and buried it somewhere in the swamp. 

Dear David, I miss you. I love you. My dolly is gone. I think the dog took it. I think the dog put it in the yard in the ground. I wish you was here. We could dig it up to...to...too...(it’s a big word - Chase helped me). together. ~ River 

Shepherd Skeet Bayless may live in the Bayuck swamp, but he’s far from backward. True, he prefers the simple life, but he takes pride in his swamp farming skills. Here he tends to the sweetgrass his family has grown for generations and practices his sermons. After all, plants are very good listeners.

 Son, I miss you. We can’t wait for you to be home. I think it would be good to spend time in the garden together. Plants have a healing nature to them. After all, the Good Lord gave us a garden to tend to give us purpose and a place. Enclosed are my notes from my latest sermon, some psalms, and a few of your favorite hymns. I’ve taken to preaching to the plants. I know it’s dumb, probably, but they listen. I hope you’ll listen and know that you just get well and get home soon, okay? 

At twilight, Chase Bayless (19), all grown up, and capturing the land she calls home on the canvas. It’s a cooler evening than most, the mists of the swamp rising up to provide some low haze. She’s home on break from uni, an Education major, and she took up painting to unwind.

Dear David, I don’t want you to worry about me. Shark Racket broke my heart all those years ago and I know how angry you were. But today he brought me a cake. He dropped it off on the porch and ran away like a sissy, but I saw him through the curtains. I think he heard about your situation somehow. Townsfolk talk. The parishoners whisper among themselves on Sundays and I don’t like it. But you don’t need to worry about it. I’ll bop any of ‘em on the nose if they speak badly about you. 

Ma Bayless... Gwayne, that is, has enchantress abilities. She hoped at least one of her children would inherit her supernatural genes, but alas! No matter how many kids she popped out, not one of them is “special.” She takes out her frustrations by crafting potions (legal and illegal) in the attic of the Bayless Manor. 

Ma’am’s spendin’ most nights in the attic. I don’t think she’d admit it, but she feels guilty. She’s working on the perfect stress potion. She says it’s for her, but I don’t think so. I hear her mumblin’ to herself, hissing at herself, and she says your name a lot and that she’s uh... failed you. Don’t tell her I said that. She’d probably wring my neck like a spring chicken. 

Avery, like her siblings, Davis and Skye, loves music. It brings a smile to her face every time she can tickle the ivories in the evenings. What southern home is complete without a family music room? 

The armless statue of the goddess Veni offends Pa Bayless, but Chase brought the beauty back from her studies abroad in Sim Union. After three days of arguing, Gwayne finally convinced her husband to keep the peace and allow the lady to be on display. 

Did I tell you I got to study abroad? You aren’t the only Bayless to travel now, big brother. I betcha can see my smile. I can still try and one up you, ya know? I spent some time in Championne, in the City of Lights. Oh it was beautiful! I wish you could’ve seen all the art and culture and that you could taste the scones. I’ll make you some when you return.You still like blueberries, right?

I’ve enclosed some of my silly scribblings from the trip. I hope you don’t mind. Tonight I’m painting on the porch. I can hear Skye and Avery both play different songs, and yet somehow they blend so beautifully. I think you’ve inspired them. 

When she isn’t enchanting, Gwayne likes to feel the earth between her fingers. After all, an enchantress has a special relationship with nature. It’s the only time she can be “free” and doesn’t feel the pressures of motherhood and her business management career. 

And Ma’am too. You know she loves you in her own way. She spends more time in the garden now than she ever did, in the section we used to call yours. She’s trying to cut back on her hours at city hall. I think she misses you. But yeah, don’t tell her I said it. This is our secret. 

Taye gets in a late night workout in a dark corner of the attic. He really wants to grow out of the “skinny boy” stereotype. Alas! I don’t think he’ll grow into those ears! 

Taye’s upstairs now fighting on the weight machine like you always did. He’s determined not to be so scrawny anymore. 

In the backyard, River plays pirate in the treehouse. Land Ho! 

And River... I caught her in the treehouse you built with her and Pa tonight. She sleeps out there most nights, playing pirate into the wee morning hours. She says she’s lookin’ out for you over the Gulf. You’ve got a guardian angel you know that? Well, I should sleep. I’ve got an online class in the morning and I need my beauty rest. I hope you’re hanging in there. Hurry home. ~ Yours, Chase 

Hope you enjoyed! 

(The arc itself is NSFW, but if you want to read the chapters featuring the Bayless family directly/indirectly, you can read Unyielding and Unexpected.) 

[withallthingslove]

Captain Marvel Spoiler Filled Review

A completely chaotic “review” that is just my random thoughts

spoilers under the cut

- i saw this movie with three of my close friends (one who is a dude and lifelong comic fan, and then two girls who are hella feminist) so I will include some of their reactions as well just to give an idea of what it was like for different people

- right out of the gate the Marvel intro montage is all Stan Lee. It was very heartfelt and the entire theater clapped. That pretty much set the mood for the entire movie

- I know a lot of critics found the beginning to be slow, and while I agree I didn’t mind it. One of my friends said she thought the beginning was a little too jumbled and she described it as “it’s like the directors learned how to direct as the movie went on”. 

- The movie opens with Carol (at this point called Vers) having a confusing nightmare and trying to decipher it afterwards with little help from those around her. Because Carol has amnesia, the audience is left to feel what she feels which is confusion. I get what the directors were going for, but it was a little jumbled. 

- I did find the dream sequence effective and did feel Carol’s confusion and fear when she woke up. 

- She goes to her mentor yon-rogg and asks if he wants to practice fighting. They banter, and it becomes immediately clear to the audience that although Carol is confused they have a rapport with each other and she trusts him. Although he teases her, he *appears* to care for her. During the fighting scene there is more banter, but yon-rogg also tells Carol to control her emotions better. I know there were a lot of complaints from fuckboys about brie larson being stoned faced, but it makes sense for the character. She has emotions, and then is told to suppress them. 

- it was satisfying to see her zap him with her powers anyway, and the whole “don’t show emotion” garbage he was telling her reminded me of like every female experience ever and first clued me in on yon-rogg’s shadiness

- On the train ride back from fighting, carol and yon-rogg have very flirty banter and eye contact and i was like ohhhhhhhh and interpreted it that they were a thing. I’m not sure if this was on purpose, but jude law and brie larson had great chemistry (brie had chemistry with everyone though tbh) and it was very hard to ignore. Plus they’re both hot. I leaned over to my friends and asked “they’re a thing right?” and they said “yes I thought so too” and “i think it’s implied”

- When Carol gets sent to the artificial intelligence place to be approved for her first mission I did find that scene pretty confusing and jumbled

- The mission itself was very dimly lit which made it a little confusing to understand/see what exactly was happening

- But it was cool to see Korath from GOTG. One thing this movie did really well was tying into other MCU movies and connecting everything. This movie definitely feels fresh compared to other origin stories but also fits in the the universe and makes it feel more complete

- When Carol was captured and her memories explored, ben mendolsohn’s voice came on as a voice over for talos and I leaned over to my guy friend and went “i fucking love ben mendolsohn” because ITS TRUE. His voice is so recognizable and then even underneath the skrull make up his acting was so distinct

- The memory exploration scene was jumbled like the nightmare, and it made me wish that we got more of carol’s human life backstory. I got the vibe that those scenes would have been better if they were fleshed out more instead of just little tidbits for the audience. that was one of my biggest complaints for the movie is the order the flashbacks appear and how little there were

- Carol screaming at one of the skrulls as she escapes was super funny and showed a lot of her personality. I think it separates her from a lot of heroes because most are nervous as they are trying to escape but she seemed confident in her powers and her ability and therefore could joke around a bit more

- The story definitely picked up once she crash landed on earth, and the 90s nostalgia was very funny and all of those jokes landed with the audience

-Samuel l jackson did a great job as a young fury. This fury is different. He’s much more idealistic and optimistic about the world, and functions more as a good cop than the fury we see in other mcu movies. It was also cool to see coulson again

- I really really enjoyed the scene when carol is able to make contact with the rest of the kree warriors the first time from the phone booth. Even though I got a bad vibe from yon-rogg I did get the feeling that he genuinely cared for carol’s safety. By the end of the movie my opinion about that was conflicted but I think that scene did a good job of showing that she was with them for 6 years which is a long time and why it took her so long to process everything that happened later because it countered everything she knew. It also did a really good job of showing that when she first landed on earth, she still was more kree than human. Her report back was very matter of fact compared to her later contact with them.

- Brie larson and samuel l jackson had GREATTT buddy cop comedy chemistry

- The train chase was very fun to watch, and like the trailer it was very satisfying to see Carol punch the “old lady” 

- the scene where fury and talos (disguised as a SHIELD agent) look to see if the dead skrull has a penis got A LOT of laughs

- There’s a scene where Carol is standing outside trying to figure out her next move and this motorcycle dude pulls up and revs the motorcycle and tells her to smile. She just glared at him and then stole his motorcycle and it was ICONIC

- Again I really really really love the dynamic between Carol and Fury

- the second phone call when Carol makes contact with the Krees shows her more human side coming out. Brie Larson is great at showing emotion and as she was starting to put the pieces together everything was making more sense and less sense at the same time and you could feel her confusion and panic that something was off.

- Ben Mendolsohn is a gem and needs to be protected pass it on

- I LOVEDDDDD the moment when Coulson let Carol and Fury go without ratting them out just proving once again that he is one of the best and while i love loki i also hate him for killing him because coulson is too good for this world

- Things got really good when Fury and Carol went to Maria because I STAN FEMALE FRIENDSHIP SO HARD. From the first look they had so much depth and Maria played a huge part of helping Carol understand who she was. 

- Also go Maria for being a badass pilot and single mom and amazing best friend

- MONICA IS THE BEST OMG. Her line to her mom about setting an example for her was A++++++

- Goose the cat was also great the only thing I’ll say about this is that Goose is a scene stealer. I don’t want to give the spoilers for Goose away because while predictable they are things I wouldn’t want to spoil for anyone

- I loved the subtle nods at gender inequality 

- While the “twist” of Talos and the skrulls being good was predictable it was still very enjoyable. The predictability of it did not take anything away from it. There were references to how other planets treat refugees and Ben Mendolsohn did a great job with the pathos required for the role

- He also did an A+ job with the humor which I won’t give away because those lines are worth hearing fresh

- I think yon-rogg ‘s shadiness at the beginning is what tipped me off to the twist that he is the true villain of the story. 

- Again, the movie’s flashback scenes felt like they should be my favorite part and filled with drama and be the emotional backbone, but they just didn’t get there. It took so much effort to decipher them that you didn’t really get to sit back and process the emotional weight of them. So when Carol ran out crying once her memories returned while I thought the acting between her and Maria was great, the meaning of the conversation and hug did not have the full weight because the audience (or me) was still processing what we just learned

- Annette Bening is my mom. Also if there was ever a biopic on elizabeth warren she should play her. Also I don’t like that we didn’t get as much Mar-Vell and the reveal that she was helping the skrulls was very rushed and I feel should have had more of an emotional impact. Plus more about her relationship with carol

- Talos reuniting with his family was incredibly sweet

- It’s cool to see where exactly the tesseract ended up between CA: TFA and Avengers

- Okay.why.do.yon-rogg.and.carol.have.so.much.sexual.tension. I was worried it was just me and I looked at my friends and was just like wtf is this are they about to fuck? and we basically agreed that their sexual tension kept building throughout the final act of the movie and that they wanted to hate fuck. After one moment during the fighting it kept building my friend went “yep THIS IS CANON”  because you guys I am not kidding like I don’t ship them because yon-rogg SUCKS but they had the best accidental chemistry of any co stars ever

- The scene where Carol breaks out of the restraints and realizes her full power was BADASS. I loved the flashback montage of her always getting back up again and embracing who she it. POETIC CINEMA

- Though I personally did not like the scene where she is fighting off the Kree on the ship.. . I just wasn’t a fan of the song choice and some of the lines were just cliche. It was nice to watch Carol smile with each hit as her power increased because she was enjoying it which is something we dont see a lot i feel like but the scene did not reach its full potential for me

- It was cool to see ronan and have the space marvel movie characters be tied in. And interesting that we saw ronan before he went “rogue” Again this movie did a great job connecting the dots to other marvel movies

- CAROL IS SO POWERFUL OH MY GOD THANOS IS GOING TO GET HIS ASS KICKED AND IT WAS SO SATISFYING TO SEE HER JOURNEY

- speaking of satisfying watching her tell yon-rogg she doesn’t need to prove him anything and then blasting him into a rock cured my depression

- again i dont really understand their relationship because there’s the sexual tension, the seemingly genuine caring on his side that is conflicted with his utter manipulation and lying (a very good example of how abusive/manipulative people often don’t come across that way)... the fact that she doesnt kill him? like girl kill him and be done. It was funny when she grabbed his hand and then just dragged him to his ship, but then when he told her he couldnt go back empty handed the way jude law delivered the line made it seem like he was confiding in her and there was this intimacy. And then she was just like “boy bye im ending this war and idgaf what happens to you” because shes a queen and is done with his lies

- The ending with Carol and Talos was cute

- The ending with Coulson and Fury made me want to cry and scream because the avengers theme song began to play and we see the beginning stages of the avengers initiative which just made me think about how we have one month till all the characters we love die and this franchise has meant so much to me over the years

- the mid credit scene continued that excitement and dread.

If I was ranking the movie as a critic, I would probably give it 65%. It was good, I was never bored, the performances were great. But it definitely should have been better. There were just some parts of it that were underwhelming or didn’t deliver the way they should. My guy friend said it was just okay and that it felt more like a tie in to endgame and less about captain marvel herself. My other friends agreed on the 65% from an objective opinion, but we all want to see it again.

As a hardcore marvel fan, I give the movie 75%. I loved the characters, the easter eggs, the acting, the way the movie felt like a new beginning for marvel while still tying into past movies. It was everything I love about this franchise

[theliberaltony]

via Politics – FiveThirtyEight

The huge, Day 1 fundraising totals released by Sen. Bernie Sanders’s campaign last month ($5.9 million) and then former Rep. Beto O’Rourke’s campaign last week ($6.1 million) are great signs for both candidates. The numbers suggest both have passionate, intense supporters. A successful presidential campaign needs money, and it looks like O’Rourke and Sanders will have plenty. Moreover, there is some relationship between strong early fundraising and winning the primary.

Here’s what those big totals don’t necessarily show: broad support or diverse support.

The broad point should be obvious. Sanders’s campaign says it received contributions from more than 220,000 people on the first day of the campaign, O’Rourke’s from more than 128,000. That’s a lot of people who care enough to chip in, but let’s put those numbers in the context of the electorate. More than 13 million people voted for Sanders in the 2016 Democratic primary. More than 17 million backed Hillary Clinton. In the general election later that year, just over 137 million people participated, including nearly 66 million who voted for Clinton. So the people who have given to these two candidates are a fraction of a fraction of the total number of Democratic-leaning voters in America.

The diversity point is maybe less apparent. We don’t have any real data on Sanders and O’Rourke’s donors in terms of their gender, income or race.1 But it’s very likely that the donors to O’Rourke and Sanders — and the other 2020 candidates, including President Trump — are disproportionately upper-income, well-educated and white. Those are the people who are most likely to donate to political campaigns in America, and they’re not all that representative of the Democratic electorate in full.

A few data points:

When asked by the Pew Research Center in the fall of 2016 if they had donated to a political campaign over the previous year, 24 percent of Democrats with incomes between $75,000 and $150,000 said they had, compared to 8 percent of those with incomes below $30,000. Donating to campaigns was also more common among people with more education (33 percent of Democrats with postgraduate degrees had donated, compared to 6 percent who did not attend college), older people (32 percent among those over 65, 11 percent of those ages 18-29) and white people (21 percent of white Democrats, 7 percent of Latinos.2)

A report published in 2016 by the liberal-leaning think tank Demos estimated that in 2012, with then-President Barack Obama on the ballot, just 8 percent of Democratic presidential campaign donors were African-American and just 2 percent were Latino, even though 12 percent of the U.S. adult population was African-American and 9 percent was Latino.3 And comparing donors’ demographics to the whole U.S. population may understate the discrepancy, since nonwhite people tend to vote Democratic. According to exit polls, in 2012, 24 percent of Obama voters were African-American and 14 percent were Latino. The Demos analysis also found that even small donors were fairly well off. About 15 percent of those who contributed less than $200 to Democrats were millionaires, a group that makes up just 3 percent of the American adult population.

Another 2016 Demos analysis of donors to candidates in Washington, D.C. — an overwhelmingly Democratic city where most residents are not white — found the same pattern: Donors as a group were notably more white and upper-income than the electorate.

A 2015 analysis of major-party donations early in the 2016 election cycle found that more money had been donated from residents in 10 ZIP codes near New York’s Central Park than the combined total donated from the roughly 1,200 ZIP codes in the U.S. that are majority black.

I’m not saying everyone who donated to O’Rourke or Sanders this year is a white hipster. In fact, I suspect that the Democratic donor base in 2018 was more diverse in terms of gender and race than in previous cycles, given how many prominent female and nonwhite candidates were running and the antipathy many women and nonwhite Democrats have for Trump. And some of those 2018 donors are likely part of the group that has contributed to O’Rourke or Sanders in the 2020 cycle. Sanders also appears to be drawing in younger donors. His aides said around half the contributors (more than 108,000) who gave on the first day were age 39 or younger and that donors’ most common age was 30. (O’Rourke has not released that kind of data about his donors.) And the way O’Rourke and Sanders are raising money, with lots of small donations, reflects a fundraising model that many Democrats want to see, since it doesn’t tie candidates to very wealthy people who donate huge amounts.

Still, a small-dollar campaign donor is not necessarily a person with a small amount of dollars. In 2016, the Los Angeles Times did a comprehensive analysis of the 7 million donations (from more than 2 million people) that Sanders received that cycle. The paper concluded that Sanders’s donors were disproportionately “in the ZIP Codes with a high proportion of college graduates.” (People with degrees tend to have higher incomes.) Also, we kind of already know that O’Rourke and Sanders are likely bigger phenoms among white voters than nonwhite voters: The Texan’s 2018 Senate campaign did really well in the suburbs compared to Hillary Clinton in 2016 but not as strongly in heavily Latino areas, and Sanders struggled in the heavily black deep South in his 2016 presidential campaign.

In other words, while focusing on fundraising is a better way of assessing early-stage campaigns than empty conjecture or punditry — at least fundraising is a tangible signal of voter interest — it’s still giving us a somewhat skewed perspective of who is “doing well” in the 2020 cycle because it’s probably not capturing the views of the full Democratic Party. Pew estimates that about 40 percent of the people who backed Clinton in the 2016 general election were not white and 57 percent were not college graduates. In 2017, about a third of registered voters who identified as Democrats or Democratic-leaning independents were white Americans without college degrees. Exit polls suggest that more than a third of the voters who backed Clinton live in families with incomes of less than $50,000 per year.

This is not just a problem with campaign fundraising. Other metrics we use in the early stages of a presidential campaign are also skewed in ways that overrepresent voters with more money and education. Major campaign rallies (which we evaluate for crowd size), for example, tend to happen on nights and weekends, which is convenient for people with 9-to-5 work schedules. But people who don’t work that shift are disproportionately black, Latino or low-income.

It’s important to understand the distorted view these metrics give as you watch the campaign. In the 2008 Democratic primary, the candidate (Obama) who had huge rallies and a massive grassroots fundraising operation narrowly won the primary against a rival (Clinton) who in many states won white voters without degrees who might not have been attending rallies or giving lots of money to campaigns. In the 2016 Democratic primary, the candidate with huge rallies and a massive grassroots fundraising operation (Sanders) actually lost, facing a candidate (Clinton) who trounced him among black voters.

So I think fundraising in particular might understate the potential support for a candidate who has strong appeal to, say, white voters who don’t have as much money or affinity for giving to candidates (maybe former Vice President Joe Biden or Sen. Elizabeth Warren) or to nonwhite voters (perhaps former Obama Cabinet member Julian Castro, Sen. Kamala Harris, Biden or others).

All that said, campaigns need money, and O’Rourke and Sanders are off to a great start. I’m sure the other candidates are envious of these fundraising totals. And perhaps most importantly, having this much money this early gives O’Rourke and Sanders the ability to spend it on ads and field operations to turn their base of early supporters into a broader, more diverse coalition of Democrats. So pay attention to the fundraising numbers — just keep their limitations in mind.

[momestuck]

Epilogues: Meat ch 28-32 [Epilogue 5]

So now we’re in different hands.

chapter 28

We return to John, this time with alt-Calliope narrating about his alarmingly blunt teeth. Also on further thought I have no more reason to use ‘she’ pronouns for alt-Calliope than proper Calliope (alt-Calliope does not even seem to use the name Calliope in narration, just things like ‘the dead cherub’), so I will use they pronouns, and will edit the previous post to reflect that.

alt-Calliope declares that they are not going to be ‘inserting thoughts into peoples’ heads’, though they will be ‘truthfully’ reporting those thoughts with more clarity than the subject of narration is necessarily prepared to acknowledge.

john would be mortified with human embarrassment if he could understand the clarity and precision with which i am willing to telegraph his thoughts. but his embarrassment is irrelevant to me. as always, the truth is paramount.

This mortifying description of how John thinks of Terezi includes a reference to “gap moe”, because of f u c k i n g course it does.

John worries if this makes him like a creepy weeb who collects body pillows, but in dialogue dismisses this as something that would only make sense to a human. Unfortunately, Tegiri exists to disprove that sentiment!

Despite alt-Calliope’s avowed dedication to ‘truth’, there is obviously more to this than not contradicting the ‘truth’ of events or thoughts... she is deciding how to present the ‘true’ information, what to state and what to leave implicit and what to brush over. a story also concerns what’s ‘relevant’ and ‘essential’, as Rose said so long ago.

chapter 29

Jane, it seems, has been using the trickster-mode lollipop during her campaign. This leads to an argument with the narration about whether or not it’s “problematic” - neither Jane nor alt-Calliope think so, though neither can be considered someone presented in a 100% positive light at this point...

(Jane mostly argues in the in-universe political campaign situation, when of course the argument about ‘trickster mode’ was the whole ‘caucasian’ shitshow)

Anyway, despite her prior statements, alt-Calliope is not above interfering in the narration if it’s for the sake of cherub artefacts.

jane rubs her eyes under her glasses and groans. trickster mode is also quite exhausting. what a strange quirk of human biology that excess euphoria must necessarily be followed by crippling despair. she carelessly tosses the lollipop on the floor, lurches toward her desk...

no.

she turns around promptly, her body jolted by the surprise of her sudden reversal. she bends over, cradles the lollipop reverentially, and situates it carefully in a place signifying respect: atop the mantle, after clearing space for it by shoving several brittle, worthless objects to the floor.

alt-Calliope narrates that she’s totally got Dirk’s number - “he probably thinks he’s a very clever boy, my brother did too” - as Dirk works on a long red rifle in between other tasks designed to distract.

Jane wonders about trying to blackmail Jake by revealing that he’s been having sex with trolls. Dirk challenges this as xenophobic. There’s an odd exchange...

JANE: What ISN’T xenophobic?

DIRK: Well, for one thing, what you just said there?

DIRK: Probably also xenophobic.

JANE: WHAT?

DIRK: Sorry, that’s just how it is.

DIRK: You either gotta roll with the woke shit, or decide to commit laborious, symbolic, melodramatic suicide in the process of utterly giving up.

This may be referring to his suicide in the other branch, I guess? idefk what this is trying to say ><

chapter 30

Karkat and Dave are attempting to win over Jake. This involves a lot of jokes about “neoliberal austerity measures”, super pacs, and so on... and the two of them playing off each other. Dave has been presenting “visionary”, “avant-garde” campaign ads based on SBAHJ.

alt-Calliope notes that Jake has now been freed from Dirk’s indirect narrative control, able to make his own decisions. In tiny text, Dirk grumbles about this. Without his control, he declares, Jake is a purely reactive ‘dead bug’; with it, Jake is like an ant controlled by Cordyceps towards a “greater purpose” (i.e., reproducing Cordyceps ¬¬)

Anyway, Karkat ultimately makes a speech: he doesn’t say he’ll be the best president, but that whichever one wins, it will set a precedent on the matter of troll reproductive rights that will last for a very long time. Jane is, necessarily, far more concerned with nice appearances than doing right:

KARKAT: NO MATTER HOW NICE SHE WAS WHEN YOU WERE KIDS, HER DEDICATION TO THE APPEARANCE OF THAT “NICENESS” HAS ALREADY LED HER DOWN A PATH OF CORRUPTION AND DUPLICITY.

KARKAT: BECAUSE WHEN YOU LIVE INSIDE A SKIN THAT’S A LIE, YOU’LL EITHER GROW TO FIT IT, OR COLLAPSE UNDER THE UNBEARABLE WEIGHT OF YOUR OWN SHIT-SPEWING COGNITIVE DISSONANCE.

KARKAT: TRUST ME, I FUCKING KNOW, BECAUSE I USED TO SPEW AN UNTOLD AMOUNT OF SHIT.

I think this is well put. I think it gets to the heart of a lot of things, that this story is talking about, apart from the free will/alternate possibilities stuff...

Anyway, that wins Jake over to their side.

chapter 31

Back to Terezi eating weird things in space. (Nice!)

Do god tiers need to eat? ...come to think of it, Terezi never actually went god tier.

Anyway, Terezi and John have a heart to heart. About the doomed timeline... and about Vriska. Terezi refers to the Remem8er flash, where she found a connection with the Terezi from the Game Over timeline.

TEREZI: TH4TS WHY 1M OUT H3R3

TEREZI: YOU S33...  

TEREZI: TH4T DOOM3D T3R3Z1 M1SS3D VR1SK4 *SO* MUCH, 1T W4S L1K3 4 HOL3 1N H3R H34RT

TEREZI: 1 R3M3MB3R TH3 W4Y SH3 F3LT, B3C4US3 ON3 T1M3, 4LL H3R M3MOR13S C4M3 FLOOD1NG B4CK

TEREZI: 1 3V3N GOT TO S33 WH4T H4PP3N3D WH3N SH3 D13D

TEREZI: SH3 4ND 4NOTH3R VR1SK4 GHOST F1N4LLY FOUND 34CH OTH3R

TEREZI: 1T M4D3 M3 SO H4PPY G3TT1NG TO F33L TH4T, 4S 1F 1T W4S ON3 OF MY OWN M3MOR13S

TEREZI: 1T JUST R31NFORC3D TH3 F33L1NG TH4T TH3R3 W4S SOM3TH1NG SP3C14L B3TW33N US

TEREZI: 4ND 1 JUST K3PT H4NG1NG ON TO TH4T B3L13F, R1GHT UP UNT1L...  

TEREZI: OH, 1 DONT KNOW

TEREZI: NOW???

TEREZI: 1V3 PR4CT1C4LLY D3VOT3D MY L1F3 TO C3RT41N M3MOR13S, TO TH3 1D34 TH4T TWO P3OPL3 C4N B3 M34NT TO B3 W1TH 34CH OTH3R ON SOM3 COSM1C L3V3L, 3V3N 1F TH3Y 4LW4YS S33M TO G3T 34CH OTH3R 1NTO TROUBL3

TEREZI: 4LL TH4T 1NV3STM3NT, 4LL TH4T S34RCH1NG...  

TEREZI: 4ND FOR *WH4T*?

TEREZI: OV3R 4 SW33P TOG3TH3R, 4ND SH3 JUST D1S4PP34RS 1NTO THE VO1D 4G41N?!

TEREZI: WH4T 4 HUG3 B1TCH

T_T

Anyway, this gets to the crux of the matter: Earth C may supposedly be paradise, but it doesn’t feel like it for either of them. To quote a certain book series, “perhaps some people just don’t have the knack of being happy”.

Anyway, Terezi can’t bear to part with John just yet - so she offers to take a look at his tooth wound. There’s a very funny moment where alt-Calliope narrates the blade drawing in a way so as to personally antagonise Dirk, who is pissed.

Terezi removes the poisonous tooth and then dresses John’s wound - I’ll be interested to hear from @drc4ble if her wound care is up to snuff. Then they have post-surgery makeouts.

Literally any even slightly intimate moment lol (or even a fight)... I miss feeling able to be that affectionate with people.

Although this is a het scene, it actually feels surprisingly... not het. idk. Not sure how to clarify that.

alt-Calliope, I guess, hasn’t lost her obsession with shipping and intimacy from when she was small. She claims she’s merely allowing John to perceive his “true” thoughts - and that’s why he’s being so bold. But that involves a decision, right, about which of his thoughts are “true”?

chapter 32

Apparently “proximity to a black hole”, a proxy for void, renders Roxy’s internal monologue perceptible to alt-Calliope, even though it wouldn’t normally be for those “on a higher textual plane”.

as for alt-Calliope, narrated as Jade:

looking beyond the wall she faces, and beyond everything past it, through the very fabric of narrative itself. they scan the ciliary veins of pacing, motivation, foreshadowing, irony—a continuum that has been upended by the prince’s interference. 

Dirk and alt-Calliope are back to arguing in the narration - about how diverse the crowds are, for example. Dirk dismisses alt-Calliope’s narration as “fake-woke”.

Anyway, despite Dirk’s needling in the narration, Roxy and Dave have a well-observed conversation about like, figuring out your gay/trans/nb/etc, coming out and so forth. Dave talks about like, various stages of more-or-less-ironic self-denial. Dirk gets increasingly irate at the discussion of gender and sexuality that doesn’t lead straightforwardly into like, clear-cut relationships.

Also he’s preparing to assassinate Jake. Unable to force his thoughts into narration, he just speaks out loud, and I guess alt-Calliope reports his words.

Dirk starts climbing the bell tower. Alt-Calliope tries various means to stop him: narrating that his feet feel heavy - he monologues that he has determination to get past this - dropping a bell on him - he monologues that he’s destroying the bell with his sword. Then they just dismiss him as boring...

Alt-Calliope resorts to warning Dave of the assassination attempt. This is turning into Death Note here... “ah, but what you didn’t realise is...” type shit stacking on top of each other. Dave stands in front of Jake, which would be a Heroic death, something Dirk isn’t willing to expose him to. But Dirk’s gun isn’t loaded with bullets, but with... tranq darts. But moreover, he was misleading us as to his intentions.

He wasn’t going to shoot Jake at all. He was going to shoot alt-Calliope/Jade... giving him back control over the narration!

That was interesting though. Cherubs are fuckin’ weird, I’ll totally concede. Still not sure what makes them tick. What they idealize, what they really want. It all comes across to me as a little cloying. Perfection to them is a sweetness beyond comprehension. Sugar so potent it’s poison to us. To our bodies, to our souls. Like the place she was operating from was a realm of self-construction. A bubble of pure, phantasmal confection.

Well, I for one have had enough of that goddamn toothache. I’m back in the protein saddle, motherfuckers. I’m clacking my tongs, and the charcoal is hot.

Now who’s hungry for meat?

Epilogue 5, in toto

So this is just a ludicrously meta version of Death Note now? ok, ok...

Dirk has essentially taken the role of Caliborn, in terms of representing one of two poles of what Homestuck is “about”. Where Caliborn was about tedious masculinity and over the top carnage, Dirk seems to want plots: plans unfolding, some kind of big elegant modernist [that may be incorrect] construction where everything is “in its proper place” according to an artistic vision.

alt-Calliope now seems to want to tell a story about the personal, about complex but ultimately happy relationships, and of course to let these characters fulfil ‘their own will’, somehow...

[princepriestandpirate]

hm it's A Lot so u can skip questions but abc's for lael !!

i did all of this out of hubris and pride so here u go enjoy

A: Aptitude1. what are your oc’s natural abilities, things they’ve been doing since young?

they’ve had a little scientist’s/engineer’s instincts from a young age! they’ve always been very smart and had a good eye for figuring out how systems and mechanical things function, through observation and taking them apart

2. what activities have they participated in?

this is so vague but like. a lot of magitech stuff? and robot fighting when they were in school. and as a kid a lot of running around in nature, exploring and observing and messing with everything. 

3. what abilities do they have that they’ve worked for?

they have a natural knack for it, but all their knowledge of robotics, magic, and nature is stuff they took upon themself to study

4. what things are they bad at?

they’re not terrible athletic, and they really havent put much effort into developing people skills. 

5. what is their most impressive talent?

probably to other people the fact that they do magitech

B: Basics1. what is their hair color?

black

2. what is their eye color?

dark brown

3. how tall are they?

about 5′7″

4. how old are they?

31

5. how much do they weigh?

no clue! im bad at figuring this stuff out. body type wise tho, they’re on the leaner side bc elf heritage but also. very squishy.

C: Comfort1. how do they sit in a chair?

almost never with both feet on the ground, at least with one leg up or crossed, sometimes with feet on the seat, but generally with limbs going wherever, one arm hooked over the seatback, etc. there is no order here

2. in what position do they sleep?

they can sleep anywhere and tend to either splay out with limbs everywhere or curl up tight around a pillow

3. what is their ideal comfort day?

hang out at home, read some books, eat their childhood favorites, and hang out with their parents, maybe fuck around out in nature for a bit

4. what is their major comfort food? why?

this chicken and vegetable soup that their dad would make for them when they were sick, it’s heavy and comforting and magically makes them feel a little bit better

5. who is the best at comforting them when down?

their parents, but in different ways– their mom does more of the physical ‘taking care of them’ stuff when comforting, and their dad gets more into the emotional comfort stuff

D: Decoration1. how would they decorate a house if they had one under their name?

they do have a house! although it’s also first and foremost a lab, but that’s pretty on brand for them anyway. it’s a lot of tools and practical stuff, and a lot of the furniture is based off of personal comfort or use rather than style. for decoration though there’s some blueprints and pictures pasted to the walls. the colors in general are warmer ones, and the place overall gives the impression of not being necessarily Nice but comfortable and lived in. it’s very much Lael’s Space

2. how would they decorate their child’s room?

they. would not have children. 

3. how do they decorate their own room?

same with the house– very comfortable and useful, pictures and diagrams pasted on the walls, and lots of space for books and knick-knacks along with work room

4. what type of clothes and accessories do they wear?

they have sort of a Style but it’s also pretty chill and comfortable, made to be moving around in their workroom or working outdoors. lots of basic light-weight short sleeve shirts or button-ups, pants w lots of pocket space, overalls, tool belts, etc. if they dress fancier it’s pretty basic and streamlined, look-wise, nothing very flashy or fancy unless it’s the holidays and someone makes them.

5. do they like makeup/nail/beauty trends?

not at all, that’s a lot of extraneous effort they’re not willing to put in, esp since they dont necessarily see a lot of other people regularly

E: External Personality1. does the way they do things portray their internal personality?

pretty much, yeah. lael doesn’t see the point in trying to put on a nice face for anyone else. they’re a little softer than they appear on the outside tho.

2. do they do things that conform to the norm?

they dont care much about the norm, but they’ll go along with some stuff for the sake if it being easier (although it’s not common for them). they always tend to grate against norms a little bit in general tho

3. do they follow trends or do their own thing?

do their own thing. they’ve always been something of an outsider, even in their own community, so they don’t see the value in trying to follow what others are doing.

4. are they up-to-date on the internet fads?

the internet doesnt exist but. no. they dont really follow fads or trends outside of their own fields, where they keep up with trends but ultimately follow their own ideas.

5. do they portray their personality intentionally or let people figure it out on their own?

in some ways, yes-- they tend to broadcast their own aggressiveness and weirdness so that people know what they’re about and stay away if they’re not interested. other stuff they let people find out on their own, esp emotional soft spots and their occasional gentleness, etc

F: Fun1. what do they do for fun?

science! studying bugs and stuff. and they like gardening a lot, and doing science on the plants. when they were younger they went out more and also participated in some robot-fighting circles in their spare time.

2. what is their ideal party?

they’d think back to the days when they lived in gelt and there were some wild parties with fellow magitechnicians their age– nowadays they’d like something a bit more chill, but a good party for them would entail hanging out and drinking with other people/friends in their field

3. who would they have the most fun with?

mostly old school friends

4. can they have fun while conforming to rules?

not really, no– they dont have to break the law, but they’re always going to rub up against restrictions. everything is more fun when you have room to explore and make a little bit of trouble

5. do they go out a lot?

nope, they live out in the country and spend a lot of time working. they went out more often when they were young, though

G: Gorgeous1. what is their most attractive external feature?

those high cheekbones!!

2. what is the most attractive part of their personality?

their passion! when they care about something they Care, and it can be a little bit infectious

3. what benefits come with being their friend?

long intellectual conversations & having a friend that will 100% fight for you if you’re close enough

4. what parts of them do they like and dislike?

this is... not something they think about a lot, i’m not sure they are terribly introspective. but i think they like their own curiosity and novel approaches to problems, and dislike some of the issues they have interacting w others (but they dont think about it too hard)

5. what parts of others do they envy?

they’ll never admit it, but they’re jealous of people who can move through social situations with a ton of ease.

H: Heat1. do they rather a hot or cold room?

cold, they’re not a big fan of the heat

2. do they prefer summer or winter?

neither, but summer slightly more just because nature is much more active

3. do they like the snow?

it’s fine. pretty but also a pain in the ass

4. do they have a favorite summer activity?

bug huntin’! exploring nature! looking at plants and wildlife! taking notes!

5. do they have a favorite winter activity?

staying inside where it’s warm and working on projects. and they complain but they don’t entirely hate the rituals of going to see family during winter holidays

I: In-the-closet1. what is their sexuality?

bi/pan, idk if they have a preference label-wise

2. have they ever questioned their sexuality?

i’m not sure if they had a lot of expectations imposed on them in terms of what’s ‘normal’ sexuality-wise, but they def came to the realization of being not-straight at some point

3. have they ever questioned their gender?

im not sure they ever had a time where they didnt see themselves as non-binary, they maybe messed around w gender as a kid but fairly quickly settled on their current state of not giving a shit

4. would/was their family be okay with them being LGBT?

what’s homophobia this is fantasy land

5. how long would/did it take for them to come out?

idk if they actually came out ever, everyone just sorta knows

J: Joy1. what makes them happy?

magitech, exploring nature, weird bugs, learning new things

2. who makes them happy?

their family, their mentor, other magitechnicians who they can talk to and share ideas w

3. are there any songs that bring them joy?

songs that their parents would sing when they were young– either as lullabies or songs their father would sing while working

4. are they happy often?

lael’s emotions go all over the place, and i don’t know if they’re truly happy super often, but they’re overall content with the shape of their life right now

5. what brings them the most joy in the world?

those moments when they’re working and finally Get something or know exactly how something needs to work

K: Kill1. have they ever thought about suicide?

not really, no

2. have they ever thought about homicide?

…..yes, but more fantasizing than intent to act on it

3. if they could kill anyone without punishment, would they? who?

they would at least seriously consider it, and it’d be either their ex or whoever fucked gil up so badly

4. who would miss them if they died?

their family, a few friends

5. who would be happy they died, anyone?

hopefully no one? lael is not someone with a few friends, but while they certainly have people who dislike them, they have very few, if any, outright enemies. (to their knowledge?)

L: Lemons1. what is their favorite fruit?

they enjoy citrus but rarely get their hands on it, living in a more temperate climate. otherwise they like sour apples a lot! and blackberries

2. what is their least favorite fruit?

not a fan of pears (it’s a texture thing + they’re a bit too sweet)

3. are there any foods they hate?

not really, most of their food-dislikes are pretty mild. 

4. do they have any food intolerances?

lael is lactose-intolerant! this does not stop them from consuming dairy products.

5. what is their favorite food?

they really like the beef stew the had when they were younger! they dont get it as often now tho, only when they get home

M: Maternal1. would they want a daughter or a son?

they don’t want kids

2. how many children do they want?

zero

3. would they be a good parent?

no, they’re too obsessed with work to take care of anyone else

4. what would they name a son? what would they name a daughter?

not only do they not want kids but they are notoriously bad at naming anything and should not be allowed to do so to an actual child.

 5. would they adopt?

nope.

N: Never Have I Ever1. what would they never do? 

i don’t think they could ever like.... willingly submit to someone else? whether that be a god or a ruler or a boss. they might go along with them in some circumstances but they could never be truly devoted to someone above them

2. what have they never done that they want to do?

3. is there anything they absolutely can’t believe people do?

kind of related to #1, they think it’s wild that people follow others w/o any questioning or thinking about it for themself. even w stuff as small as w/ reading a science book-- if lael has the ability to test something out for themself they will before they trust someone else’s perspective

4. what is the most embarrassing thing they’ve done?

once tried to impress a crush by giving them a bug. it did not go well.also that one time that they got a drunken tattoo (altho i dont think they regret it-- they just don’t show it off)

5. have they done anything they thought they’d never do?

lael never really thought of themself as the type to be a teacher, so the fact that they want to and are going to try to teach some stuff to arabella is unexpected for them, even if they themself suggested the idea

O: Optimism1. are they optimistic or pessimistic?

i think they alternate depending on the situation? they tend to be pessimistic when it comes to people and their motives, but optimistic in regards to progress/science/their own work

2. are they openly optimistic, throwing it on others?

they aren’t very openly optimistic, it only really shines through when they start talking about the future of magitech or some shit

3. are they good at giving advice?

not at all! unless it’s help with a project, then maybe. dont go them to them for personal advice though-- most of the good advice they have is just verbatim from other people

4. is there anyone in their life that throws optimism on them?

their parents, esp their dad, are much more optimistic about things

5. were they always optimistic?

they’ve always been pretty optimistic about certain things, like magitech. but they learned pretty young to not be optimistic about others, and they became even more pessimistic in that area as time has gone on

P: Personality1. what is their best personality trait?

their intense love of knowledge and passion for their work

2. what is their worst personality trait?

they’re kind of an asshole and care very little about what others think of them, for better or worse. 

3. what of their personality do others love?

dm quote: “Other magitechnicians admire their ingenuity and focus, Gil and their parents love their quiet dedication and the joy they take in their passions”

4. what of their personality do others envy?

the fact that they seem to care very little of others’ opinions of them

5. do they hate anything about their personality/about other’s personalities?

they tend to dislike others who are ‘fake’ and not straightforward with their intentions. as for themself, the fact that they do not have a lot of self control, ESPECIALLY when it comes to their shit taste in romantic partners

Q: Questions1. do they ask for help?

not often, if they can avoid it, but at the end of the day they’re more concerned w progress than pride

2. do they ask questions in class?

they’re the type of kid to ask too many questions in class, actually

3. do they answer questions that make them a little uncomfortable?

they might, but they’ll generally call out the other person for asking uncomfortable questions as well

4. do they ask weird questions?

very! they did moreso as a kid, they’ve developed SOME tact now

5. are they curious?

oh yeah they’re SUPER curious about stuff, but only when it’s in their field of interest (ex: they dont care much about gossip at all, not when cool bugs exist)

R: Rules1. do they follow rules?

only when it benefits them or it aligns with their own beliefs.

2. would they be a strict or laid-back parent?

they would… not be a parent. but if they were, a fairly distant and laid back one.

3. have they ever been consequenced for breaking a rule?

almost definitely, but mostly stuff like “taking worms inside the house” or “getting in fights w others” (rarely) or generally being a weird chaotic shit as a kid. they break less rules now but mostly bc they care about keeping their job

4. have they broken any rules they now regret breaking?

hm. i don’t think so. they’re not the type to have many regrets.

5. do they find any rules they/others follow absolutely ridiculous?

they have Thoughts about some Taliare rules that limit magitechnicians and impede progress. they also have issues w bureaucracy in general

S: Streets1. are they street-smart?

they are generally pretty good at reading others and judging their intentions, but they’ve def focused more attention on book-smarts

2. would they give money to someone on the streets?

honestly? probably not, but more out of not wanting to interact with strangers than any sort of malice

3. have they ever gotten in a fight on the streets?

realistically absolutely yes, once as a kid and one or two times when they were going through their first round of magitech school.

4. has anything happened to them on the streets?

they probably got pickpocketed once or twice in gelt

5. are they cautious when out?

only a bit, but they’re very capable of protecting themself if it comes down to it (they’ve got a knife! and magic!)

T: Truth1. are they honest?

on principle, and sometimes to a fault

2. can they tell if someone is lying?

usually yeah, they can get a good read on others

3. is it obvious when they’re lying?

they rarely lie they, so they don’t have a ton of practice at it, and i think someone who knows them well or is pretty intuitive they’d be able to pick up on it

4. have they lied about anything they regret lying about?

i don’t think they lie enough for this to be the case? it’s mostly white lies if anything

5. have they told truths that have been spread against their will?

nope, not really.

U: Underdog1. have they been bullied?

when they were younger, yes. partially bc of being a half elf in an almost entirely human town (which made them a very easy target) and partially bc they were just a weird fucking kid

2. have they bullied anyone?

they’ve been MEAN to people but not actively bullied anyone. they did break a kid’s nose once but he deserved it.

3. have they been physically attacked by a bully?

i dont think so, i think it was more teasing and ostracism. any physical attacks were pretty mild or on their possessions. i think once someone tried to get physical but they were scared off by the only other non-human in town (besides lael’s dad), an older half-orc boy named Cyrus, and they never tried to attack lael again.

4. have they ever been doubted?

i mean, yes almost definitely, altho i cant give u an example

5. have they surprised people with being good at something?

i feel like when they were young and first showed talent w magitech they surprised some ppl. also, when they lived in gelt i think the fact they knew so much about nature and medicine was unexpected to ppl who just met them, but for anyone who knew them well it wouldnt be surprising at all

V: Vomit1. do they vomit often?

not really, unless they’re sick

2. do they get lots of stomach aches?

not really, they dont eat particularly out-there food and their stomach isnt overly sensitive

3. are they good at comforting someone ill?

lael isn’t good at comforting period, they’re more the type to just go through necessary medical stuff but they do not have very good bedside manner.

4. what do they like as far as comfort goes?

they like to be in a place they’re comfortable, like home, and with people that Get them, w like a nice blanket, and more physical affection than usual.

5. do they burp, cough, or hiccup most when nauseous? when vomiting?

i do not know or care

W: Water1. do they drink enough water?

they probably forget while they’re working. their mom gets on them about this when they come home tho

2. have they learned to swim?

probably only the very basics, they dont live around any large bodies of water so they’re not super proficient

3. do they like to swim?

not really

4. can they dive?

o def not

5. can they swim without holding their nose?

i would hope so?

X: Xylophone1. what is their favorite genre of music?

i don’t know if they’re super up to date on music? in a modern day setting they’d be into all sorts of electronic music tho

2. do they have a favorite song?

again, not modern day so idk

3. do they have a favorite band/artist/singer?

not in-game, but they’d probably be very into all sorts of weird electronic music and lo-fi stuff that mixes ‘real’ sounds, like snail’s house

4. can they sing well?

oh no they’re not very good at it at all

5. can they rap?

….probably not

Y: You1. how old were you when you created them?

21! i made them this year

2. what inspired you to create them?

i figured if i was gonna play a character in a magitech universe i wanted them to be related to that in some way. basically they were created with the idea of “i want to play a character with a robot arm” and literally their entire backstory and personality is descended from that fact. 

the other thing is that i was learning about biomimicry-technology in german class and i thought it’d be cool to have an engineer character that very much loved and was influenced by nature

3. were they different when they were first created?

oh i first thought that their personality would be more stoic and distant, but in reality the most core thing about their personality is how fucking passionate they are about things

4. do you enjoy writing them more than other characters?

again, i dont really love playing one character more than others, i just love them for different reasons! but lael is particularly fun to play because it’s fun to not worry much about coming off as “nice” to others, and also I Love Magic. it’s also fun to play someone so passionate about their studies and work bc i can channel myself into that!

5. what’s your favorite thing about them?

man honestly it’s that aforementioned passion that they have for what they do, and their endless curiosity about how things work and how to make them better

Z: Zebra1. what’s their favorite animal?

spiders!!! they love creepy crawlys and bugs in general though

2. do they like animals?

yes but more in a scientific way than a ‘wants to have a lot of pets’ way. and it’s generally more reptiles/insects/arachnids than furry animals

3. cats or dogs?

cats

4. what’s their dream pet?

a tarantula! or a cool lizard

5. do they have any pets at the moment?

nah, but they have plants

[2dtacokit-blog]

Me and fucking mirrors. I stare a lot in them and what i see usually makes very little sense. I dunno if its dissociation or dysphoria but it’s like i can see what is there and then... it shifts. I can hardly focus on any element of my appearance without trying to convince myself something else is there. I forget what i look like a lot, that is dissociation, but since dysphoria has been kicking my ass it has gotten worse. That is, unless I dress or work to transform myself into something my brain is prepared to take in/translate? If I stand in the mirror naked or in my pyjamas, without binding or making an effort to do my usual masc things, my eyes feel like they go weird. Kinda like a lens that is out of focus. We can see what is there but it doesnt compute with my brain. No amount of changing pose, hiding body parts, or whatever helps, it’s like my brain wipes what the mirror shows from my memory. So i just... stare at the mirror for ages. Zoning out over and over until i end up usually close to angry tears or wanting to hide.

Before I started trying to present masc, I would have the same issue but I didnt question my gender, just... hated the parts of my body that marked my gender. I would do my best to amplify those parts, look as femme as possible but I had the same issue... brain fuzz, discomfort, some kinda irritating thing that was going “well none of this is right”. So i assumed it was weight. Weight, scarring, stretchmarks, age, evidence of pregnancy. I grew obsessed with my weight and would switch between starving myself, binging when i felt i was gonna pass out, working out and denying myself any food after. At times i had to have encouragement to finish eating because inside a voice was screaming that I was gonna get fat again. I have barely spoken about this as it is ongoing and i am sick of having problems tbh. As I lost weight, i still had this “it’s not right” but it wasnt that i was fat. Staring at the mirror again like WTF, why is this body that is... not fat, not big at all really, quite small to be honest still making me distressed?!. I was the smallest I had been since my early teens and I was still unable to see my body? despite seeing it.

Is it the shape of the belly then? loathe it, so lets try and get it as flat as possible. As I got close to that milestone I loved how it felt when i closed my eyes but... Looking in the mirror again it was still wrong. Gender started coming in here, belly fat and the stretchmarks on my stomach since my pregancy I couldnt dissociate from my born gender, or the trauma associated. If i cover my body up in a tshirt then i can deal with it just about, until i look in the mirror and its like I have a ramp going from my neck just to nowhere, and my tshirts just hang straight off.The shape was wrong, and I could never get it right. I tried wearing tight fitted clothes for ages but that niggling, itchy, nettle stinging voice was saying it was still hideous and we hated it. If i saw this exact body on paper (why i draw it) I dont hate it or feel repulsed at all. If i see this body on another person i am not repulsed either. It is just on myself. On myself, in photos and in the mirror. So I tried sports bras, and my body had a sillohette of an attractive woman, the figure i thought i wanted all my life and yet it is still not fucking right is it?!

The presence of my breasts made me feel fat, even if they were hoisted high, presented neatly in a balcony bra or squished with a sports bra. I felt fat, and somehow that made me feel more female. Which for a long time i hadnt realised was kinda the problem. I associate weight in chest, hips, ass, thighs and tummy with femininity, all things i dont mind in anyone else but loathe in myself bcz my body should not be that. My body is curvy. Even as i lost a tonne of weight and work out 4 times a weak focussing almost entirely on weight training and heavy lifting, it is still curvy and that makes me feel very female. Which makes me feel very sad.

But it all gets confusing when i am standing there in the mirror, in a binder and masc clothes, face also done to look a lil more masc and what i feel then is sadness and rage. Mainly because i look like a nothing? I dont look like a guy, I do not look like a girl in that state so i look nothing. And that creates more distress. I try hard to dress to exaggerate my masc parts of my body (shoulders and back, legs), but my torso fucks it all up. That and my face because in all my trawling through the internet i havent found a guy that looks like me, mainly because i look like a hecking girl. But then again I dont look like a girl. I know this because I try from time to time to present as a girl in private because the frustration of looking like a nothing is too much and i feel i should be able to just, wear a bra and be okay again.

Bullshit. I stand in a bra in the mirror, wearing my girliest underwear and i want to vomit because i cant see my body again, even though i am staring intensely at it in the mirror. I dont look like any girl i know when i look in the mirror and i can feel my eyes trying to adjust parts to masc appearance. I look like a miserable, sad weird looking guyish thing trying to be a girl - which could be validating for my dysphoria in the sense it kinda goes HERE IS THE THING, but its agony, because i know when i take that girly stuff off and put the binder and masc stuff on, I see a stupid girl trying to be a guy. By this point i am fighting SI urges because i cannot think straight. I simultaneously look too big because of the presence of my fatty femme parts, and look too small because despite all my hard work building muscle is hard. I am somehow seeing myself in that mirror as a fat, gross girl and a skinny, imasculine guy.

I take tonnes of pictures because i try to get a glimpse of the person I saw in a shop window reflection that made me feel like i was rushing. I spend ages trying to pose to feel more masculine, but get the balance right because i cant go full guy, because nothing says “you are just a girl trying to be a guy” than being a girly bodied and faced person trying their hardest to look like a guy. That and I know those photos i cannot show anyone i really know except a few close friends. Like i can feel myself trying to go all the way guyish and then pulling back a bit out of fear and self hatred. My best days though are when I feel like i pass great and people are receptive of it, but those times are fleeting, because every night without fail the battle with the mirror continues and i am lying in bed, stoned out of my mind, ploughing through all my photos and pulling them apart.

Comparing them to actual guys and going “lol you are a complete joke, look at yourself, can you actually comprehend how stupid you look in all of these? quit this you tool.”. Then comparing them to girls and going “i dont look like them either but i also do? I dont want to look like them, they are beautiful but i dont want to look like them.”. Final round in my persecution, i return to the pictures of men who share similar qualities to me, and my drawings, and before i pass out go “you will never look like this, you are a fool for thinking it. Even if you did transition you would never look like this. This is not possible for you. It never will be. You dont deserve those pronouns, and you dont deserve the other ones. You do not exist, you cannot exist, you are so unbelievably pathetic, continually transferring onto fictional characters, dreaming you could look like them. It’s hysterical almost that you try this hard when you know it is impossible, That you are who you are, and who you are does not exist in any sodding form, because the one you want you cannot have, and the one you exist in is so wrong you can never fully see it anyway.”.

Just had to get that out of my system. Feels are high today, and struggling a bit. The double whammy of DID and gender dysphoria is making it very difficult to stay... in this realm of reality? bcz my brain keeps dissociating from it and doing literally everything in its power to detatch myself from my body and the reality where I am this weird freak thing. Like high school and primary school, and like almost all my trauma. Sorry for this BS rant.

[feynites]

Sorry if that might come off wrong, how would one have a woman describe herself, without being sexist and being accurate, im asking you spefically because A.your a woman so you would know best and B. Your the best writer i know. ( i know this sounds like a guy question, uhm i know that also sounds sexist. But im a pre-everything trans woman, and just dont have a lot of experience in writing.) also sorry for any accidental sexism.

Thank you very much! And no worries, Anon, this is a perfectly understandable question and a good thing to ask, and I’m not the least bit offended. You’re all good.

The thing about writing is that we often learn how to do something from reading it, so, you don’t have to be malicious in order to pick up bad habits. Which you obviously know, and that’s - in my experience - the best place to start from. And self-descriptions are actually pretty hard. 

So, to the question. How to try and steer clear of sexism.

I don’t think there’s necessarily a surefire way to do it. But what I’ve found is that the first thing when describing any character, is to decide what’s actually important about them. And honestly that also goes for describing places and animals and objects, too. In a story, you are never going to describe everything. Details are going to be left up to the reader, and that’s not bad at all, so, step one isn’t deciding how things look, it’s deciding what aspects of that look matter.

For example, it might not matter what colour hair your female character has. You might not be even remotely bothered if some readers imagine a blonde or a brunette or a redhead, or what. Maybe it matters more that her hair is curly. Maybe her hair is utterly irrelevant. That’s all perfectly acceptable. Writing is often more about consistent feelings than consistent visuals. If you want consistent visuals, that’s what movies and comics and stuff like that are for. In writing, one reader can picture a character in a totally different way from another reader, and that can actually be a benefit.

And this is where sexism often gives itself away, because in the necessarily limited time which any writer has to describe a character, a lot of times, male characters are described in ways that reflect their character (he’s a fighter, so mention his scars, he’s on the road a lot, so mention his stubble, he’s been under a lot of stress, so mention the perpetual lines between his brows, etc), whereas female characters are described in ways that only reflect their attractiveness, regardless of its relevance to their character (she’s a scholar, so why are we mentioning her pouty lips, she spends a lot of time indoors, so why are we mentioning her cup size, she’s fond of animals, so why are we talking about her clear skin, etc). 

Don’t get me wrong, there are times to mention a character’s attractive features - usually when the POV character is feeling very attracted to them. But with characters describing themselves, especially, it becomes very glaring when the description adds no context to the character’s own personality or place in the story. 

And also, with self-description, there is bound to be even more stuff that your character simply won’t mention about herself because she’s not thinking about it. Especially with positive traits, like, unless I’m trying to amp myself up, I generally don’t go around thinking about how nice my ass looks. But that’s another point - if your character is describing herself, then her mood is going to have an impact on that description too. Is she having a good day? Is she cheering herself up? Did she stand in front of the mirror that morning, smack her own ass and say ‘you could bounce a quarter off of that, babe, you look good today’ to her reflection?

Because, that’s character work. That’s telling you as much about how she looks as it’s telling you important stuff about her personality. She likes to bolster her confidence. For other characters, the very idea of being that playful with themselves just wouldn’t fly.

There’s a lot of tropes you can try and avoid, the Not Like the Other Girls stuff, the Vain Woman thing that usually comes up whenever a lady in a story is in range of a mirror, and the Cool Girl who manages to look like she’s wearing make-up without wearing make-up, manages to eat ten tons of food but only ever gains weight in ‘all the right places’, never gets uptight, only ever takes ten minutes in the bathroom, and all that stuff, but. At the heart of it, accounting for all the kinds of women who actually live in the world, and all the kinds of stories that can be told, I think the most important thing is to just decide what actually matters to this woman about her own appearance. And then, she will describe herself in those terms, because that’s what she would think of if you asked her to describe herself.

A lot of authors (regardless of gender) think it’s of paramount importance that readers know a female character is attractive or unattractive. Right out of the gate, that’s usually the first thing put on the table, and it’s dumb, because even apart from the obvious sexism, your readers aren’t all going to find the same stuff attractive. Attractiveness is subjective. 

So like, instead of it being like:

Perhaps the time has come for me to describe myself. I’m on the tall side, slim in my upper body and wider lower down. I have black hair with flashes of auburn, cut into a curved fringe over my forehead, and drawn into a French pleat at the back. Green eyes. A pointy, slightly sharp face which was described as unattractive when I was a little girl. I remember crying for ages one day when a cousin referred to me as an abominable parrot. I was left with an acute awareness that some people might think I looked like a bird. Even if I do have a slightly hooked nose, I actually have very full, cushiony lips, and I think my complexion is more like peaches than feathers. (Actual published quote of a woman describing herself.)

It’s more like:

There are certain advantages to being tall, even if being skinny and hook-nosed when you are means that certain cousins of yours might tease you for looking like a bird. For one thing, when you’ve finished bawling your eyes out in your aunt’s bathroom, you can use your significant height advantage to hide said cousin’s favourite toys in the cabinet over his fridge. A spot where, theoretically, no one would think to look for months on end. 

And then when it’s relevant, you can mention that she has long dark hair in a braid, and if someone kisses her, perhaps they can think of how soft her lips are, or notice for the first time that her eyes are green.

Now obviously I have a different style from the infamously bad creator of the Abominable Parrot Woman, but the point is, don’t feel like you have to be 100% accurate to your own mental image of how something looks when you’re describing stuff. Looks aren’t always the most important thing, and a lot of times, sexism lurks in the presumption that, for women, they are.

[goatpaste]

#4-14 for goat 1 !!!

oough here i goooo

4) Give us a summary of their backstory.

 (ooughhh im gonna actually go long on this because yeaaah)

they grew up just outside of Arizona in a large desert ranch with his parents and relatives. he loved to roam around the wild wasteland and catch baby geckos and help tend to the bighorners. 

when he got older he took up a job with a mail company who was lookin for couriers and he did the job fairly well. he got work done and blended into the business until the one job that changed his day to day life

during his delivery was chased down and shot by benny. the process of the chase he fell off a cliff into the town of goodsprings tearing the right side of his face on the way down. then he was dragged out to the grave sight where he was shot and buried.

he was brought back by the doctor of goodsprings, and with the memory of what had happened he fell into a depressive state and left town. he traveled for a month with no goal until he ended up into the powder gangers campsite. living there as a member of the gang. he died his hair and rehabilitated himself with weapons as his vision and hearing had been ruined on the right side of his face. he was a changed man, very quiet and stoic.

when the NCR attacked the campsite leaving Goat without a home he finally lifted himself out of his self deprecating hole long enough to deiced to hunt down benny and get revenge. 

he found benny and had him crucified with the legion (Goat had no connect with the legion let alone knew their deal beyond the fact that they offered a terrible fate for benny) 

after this he found himself wandering the waste without a goal once again. the vegas strip asked for his help, he spent time with the kings and tried talking to other factions but found the weight of the responsibilities he had been handed far too much for himself to handle and ran away.

he found himself on big mountain with the think tank and.. made a home there? he found himself to like the life there and wanted not to go back and have to take responsibility for potentially ruining people’s lives.

he constantly thinks about when he left behind and doesnt how their fairing without him and terribly fears that his decision to do nothing hurt more than it did to do anything.

5) What’s their full name and does it have a meaning? Do they have any nicknames and how did they get em?

they had a normal name before getting a job in the courier business before changing it to Goat officially for both privacy and fitting to their job in the wasteland. also its a trans thing lol

he wont tell anyone his original name but if you dig into it you can find papers he signed when joining the mail corp with the name Gindel Hunther. but he claims its just a name he used to sign papers before changing his name

6) What’s their sexual, romantic, and gender orientation? Do they feel comfortable telling other people?

Goat is bi.. ish. they prefer men but like women to sometimes. he is trans and identifies as a man. and their plenty comfortable with their identity and will get in your face if you make a fuss about it. 

he is interested in people but also like comes off as angry and intimidating a lot so most people dont either like him or are very nervous around him. so the closest to a relationship he has is flings with people and his stealth suit mk ii who hes close and like to talk to 

7) Do they have any mental illnesses? How do they cope?

oh absolutely, big time he has ptsd (along with other things) and usually ends up just tinkering with weapons and electronics to fix them. if that doesnt work then he’ll go outside and take a walk around big mt or just lay down in the dirt

8) Do they have any medical conditions? Is medicine/ treatment available for them?

not really, beyond their mental illness they dont have any physical illness. the most they have is scars and bad hearing in the right side. oh also has spine troubles (at least until they arrive to big mountain and no longer had to worry about his spine lol)

9) How much do they care about their outer appearance? What’s their “beauty routine”? How often do they shower/ bathe?

they used to be pretty into it, they would want to look good as a mailman as he was the face of the deliveries and was very friendly and looked sharp. they keep a very tidy appearance. 

then the incident with Benny half his face was left disfigured and he kinda just gave up? he wandered into the waste and joined the powder gangers for a few months before coming out of a depressive state. he made it his quest to get revenge on benny by any means possible. his got covered in scars and blemishes from both gang life and finding benny.

he showers and brushes his hair but as for how his body looks he just doesnt care

10) What do they fear the most?

being a failure. letting people down. he knew the people of the strip wanted his help but he ran away from it all and hides away in big mountain. but he doesnt want to go back, he scared of messing up and ruining new vegas and  doesnt know who should be in control. 

11) They’re biggest flaw? Do they recognize it as a flaw?

their biggest flaw is their kinda selfish. they do most things for themselfs. their not out to put others down just to get better in life. but if he is given big responsibilities he cant fix with a fight then he runs away.

12) What are they most insecure about?

their lazy eye and bad hearing, they dont care about the scars or the boobs or the lackof eyebrows. but their off putting eye and the fact that they have a hard time hearing people when they try to ask him stuff or talk to him tends to make people think he doesnt like them or doesn't care enough to listen and is generally just rude. but he’s just havin a hard time and feels self caution about how these things make people perseve things about him.

he still has the part of him who wants to get along with others.

13) What Wasteland threat do they fear the most? (ex. Deathclaws, super mutants, raiders)

he really likes animals so as tough as deathclaws are he respects the creature and stays his distances and watches from afar. but he does have a fear for mantis. he gets the jitters around big the incests all together.

also heights, cliffs and mountains tend to freak him out

14) What’s their zodiac sign or which one do you think they relate to the most? What are their placements (if you know them)? (ex. Aries sun, Taurus moon, Aquarius Venus)

goat’s birthday is January 21st so he’s an aquarius 

and i dont know a damn thing about the zodiacs beyond this lol

[mochabeesnuts]

Oh no it said anon... ok hang on. (Puts on a mask) ok ok ok ... all of them

YOU HOE

0: Height

5′9″

1: Age

18, almost 19!

2: Shoe size

9 and 1/2

3: Do you smoke?

Nope!

4: Do you drink?

Nope!

5: Do you take drugs?

Nope!

6: Age you get mistaken for

I always get mistaken for being a lot older than I am

7: Have tattoos?

No

8: Want any tattoos?

Yep! I want stars behind my left ear and an arrow with a rose on my right foot.

9: Got any piercings?

My earlobes are pierced

10: Want any piercings?

I want another piercing on the side of my ear

11: Best friend?

riley and ali

12: Relationship status

single and confused

13: Biggest turn ons

:3c do you really want to know?

jkjk hmm, dedication. someone whos just,, there no matter what. even if you go your separate ways you just kinda? know theyll still be there. it means a lot cause idk, just makes me feel like im someone worth sticking around for and that does a lot for me

14: Biggest turn offs

sexist people, racist people, self centered people, especially people that are horrible to anyone in customer services

15: Favorite movie

the narnia movies

16: I’ll love you if...

youre the type of person I can just spend endless nights in late calls with. ive noticed its a p big common factor

17: Someone you miss

mm everyone already knows the answer to this

18: Most traumatic experience

scrolling through rileys bright ass eye bleeding blog for hours on end

19: A fact about your personality

im honest

20: What I hate most about myself

im never enough

21: What I love most about myself

uh,, mmm... uh... i cant think of anything, ill come back and answer this if i come up with something while i answer the rest

22: What I want to be when I get older

financially stable

23: My relationship with my sibling(s)

distant, practically non-existent

24: My relationship with my parent(s)

stressful, but theyre good people. good parents.

25: My idea of a perfect date

anything as long as we get to hold hands, even if just for a bit. i do really love aquariums though so?

26: My biggest pet peeves

lying, people who are assholes to people just trying to do their jobs

27: A description of the girl/boy I like

mm, hurt. but healing. someone who wants to grow. theyre amazing and while i know that theyll never see me the way i see them, theyre someone i hope i dont lose in my life

28: A description of the person I dislike the most

i dont have an answer for this

29: A reason I’ve lied to a friend

because the secret they wanted to know was not mine to tell

30: What I hate the most about work/school

getting up in the morning. jesus fuck. 

31: What my last text message says

“also do you remember what the hotkeys are for like when you record something and you want the notes to autosnap into place without having to adjust the tiny differences by hand“

32: What words upset me the most

turns out i was just desperate

33: What words make me feel the best about myself

anything along the lines of i love you or getting good feedback on my work

34: What I find attractive in women

im not picky but just,, the idea of a girlfriend who steals my hoodies is just... really sweet and cute to me. 

35: What I find attractive in men

a man that makes me feel like we’re equals. not that one is better than the other. maybe just a bit cheeky or sassy at times but has a big dorky side. hmm the dorky side thing kinda goes for all genders tbh though.

36: Where I would like to live

I don’t know! I’m trying to figure it out tbh. probably monterey or ireland.

37: One of my insecurities

my appearance, my weight, my tendencies to over exaggerate, my horrible academic patterns and grades, saying and doing the wrong things, not being enough, and- oh shit that says one. im gonna stop typing now lmao

38: My childhood career choice

marine biologist

39: My favorite ice cream flavor

cotton candy!

40: Who I wish I could be

the version of me in my head. yknow how like,, some people have that oc in their head where they just kinda go through different worlds and shit? i have that and well,, shes want i wish i was. shes thin and pretty, shes a really good dancer and shes just got this bright personality that id kill for. she always knows what to say or do and i wish i was her. heheh, never thought id end up having purple hair like her though. i always wanted to but kept getting told no. then it happened by accident long after i gave up lmao so i suppose it worked out

41: Where I want to be right now

with them

42: The last thing I ate

uhhh i had some take out earlier

43: Sexiest person that comes to my mind immediately

*blushes* YEAH NO NOT ANSWERING THAT AND FUCK IM MAD THAT SOMEONE ACTUALLY CAME TO MIND WTF

44: A random fact about anything

Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell

[theochelpsquad]

Lina Schlitz (Shingeki no Kyojin OC)

HEYAAAAAAAA its me again i made a really big mess of the old char sheet because i did it at like 3am so i decided i would redo it !! thanks again <333 

H: it’s fine! For the second time (bc Mod Eris is lazy!!!!) I’ll be the only reviewer. Under the cut, because this one is long!

Name: Lina Schlitz - リナシュリッツ

H: Shlitz is actually a name that has mid-German origins--nothing to fix here, it’s right on the SnK map!

Nicknames: Querida - pet in portuguese, given by her grandma. Idiot - given by some of her squad members. (i dont really have any other ideas for nicknames plz alp)

H: Most nicknames I’ve had or given come from inside jokes or shared experiences--a joke about her age when she started training or an alias from a battle, maybe?

Age: 17

Gender: Female

Birthday: 18/11/833 - scorpio (so she would be in the …. 102nd squad i think ? as she would be 17 by the time eren, mikasa, armin & the squad were 15… .although i kinda wanna make her older . .. should i?)

H: I honestly like making my characters older--older characters have more extensive backstories and more room for creativity. However, it’s your choice in the end! (And I’m pretty sure if she was 17 while the trio were 15, she’d be in the 102nd.)

Faceclaim: michiko malandro (from michiko and hatchin)

(i think this one is the most accurate - hairstyle , face, everything, n expression)

(without the chains tho… and the survey corps uniform… and shorter hair)

H: She’s so pretty cri

-personality:

positives;

brave - lina is not afraid to put herself in danger or do risky things, so she can get things done better than most people

decisive - she can throw her humanity out of the window to make decisions

honest - she doesn’t really care what people think of her, so she will often say what she thinks to your face

direct - as above, lina gets straight to the point 

observant - she often notices the little details, from environment to facial expressions or body language

realistic - she knows that she might die any day, and she lives life to the fullest

simple - relating to her trait of being realistic, lina views life in a simple way - you either die or you don’t, and if you don’t, then you better make the most of it

kind - despite not showing it much, lina is actually quite kind due to her grandparents and parents raising her to be a good lil child

neutrals;

competitive - she loves a good competition and will never back down from a challenge

sarcastic - lina uses sarcasm to make people laugh and hide her true feelings

unsentimental - as mentioned in her trait description of decisive, she knows that her 

comrades, family, and friends can die any day and they have a high chance of it too, so lina detaches herself from them as much as possible

tough - lina can power through a lot of situations, as she contains her emotions on the inside

calculating - she can observe a situation and make a decision off of it, but also she is good at making plans

strong-willed - lina will not give up. ever. no way hozay

perfectionist - everything must be perfect - including her statistics, battle technique, horse, and mostly everything under the sun. however most things aren’t perfect which annoys her to no end

negative;

cocky - lina can often overestimate herself, in battle and in casual situations, which leads to her putting herself and her comrades in danger

brittle - her emotions are easily hurt, although she doesn’t show it

manipulative - lina will lead people on if it benefits her

compulsive - she often acts off of instincts and emotions alone, tying in with being cocky

disrespectful - adding in to lina’s trait of being honest, she often disrespects her superiors, elders, and anyone on the planet if she feels like it - which doesn’t make her that likeable 

hostile - being hostile to keep people at a distance means that lina doesn’t have many friends

inconsiderate - as long as it is good enough for lina, it is good enough for you so you better not complain got it got it ok

messy - lina’s bed is often unmade and her appearance is disheveled

mannerless - tying in with being disrespectful, she often licks her plates, chews with her mouth open, talks while speaking, disrespects her superiors, ect

neurotic - despite not showing it, lina often has anxiety attacks about her past and friends, and what will happen to her (her symptoms include nausea, fear of dying, a racing heart, and heightened senses - including trembling and sweating, also staring off into space)

possessive - lina is possessive of her possessions, her friends, herself, and mostly everything that she views belongs to her

procrastinator - she often pushes things like apologising, doing training, and eating, off until the last minute

sly - tying in with lina’s trait of being manipulative, she can worm her way into someones mind quite easily and manipulate them for her own gain

uncooperative - she is terrible at teamwork, believing that everyone is ‘cramping her style’ and slowing her down, so she often refuses to work in a team and has to be forced - unless she is the leader, and then she loves to boss everyone around

sadistic - lina enjoys cutting the limbs off of titans before she kills them, however only ones that remind her of the one that killed her grandma and family - the others she has a strange interest in

cold - she often pushes people away, rejects friendship offers, and isolates herself

stubborn - once lina has decided she is doing something, there is no changing her mind

hot-tempered - she often flies off of the handle when provoked or annoyed, or if she is in a bad mood

H: So, from skimming, I’m summarizing her personality as appearing outwardly cold (though she doesn’t always mean to be) but actually being a lot different and less intense when you get to know her.

-appearance:

Hair Colour: brown-black

Hair Length/Style: mid-back length, extremely straight - tied in a high ponytail (so it is around the length of kristas/sashas)

Eye Colour: nut brown (very dark brown) with bits of lighter brown

Skin Colour: bronze-coloured

H; Seeing as the SnKverse is mostly white and light-skinned, how does her race affect her life? I’m guessing that once the Titans arrive, people don’t care what the heck you look like if you’re the one saving their asses, but maybe when she was a child?

Body build: mesomorph, a mix of hourglass and inverted triangle - lean

H: As she continues her training, she’ll begin losing weight and her hourglass figure will be less dramatic. If you want to write/draw her according to the timeline of her training, that’s a good thing to keep in mind!

Demeanor: relaxed - arms crossed, leaning on walls, slouched in chairs, head tilted back, head resting on table

Ethnicity: Brazilian/Portuguese/German/English (where is the story set in ??? nobody knows)

H: I’m not certain myself, but I made a post on where the story most likely takes place. Brazil isn’t on the map, though. You could make her Brazilian ancestry from her grandparents or great-grandparents who immigrated north. Then again, the map isn’t canon, so who cares?

Height: 5'3

Weight: 8 stone 6

H: She’s slightly underweight, but enough that’s it’s realistic for a malnourished environment.

Scars: One down her right arm, due to when a titan had her in its mouth during an expedition and, although one of her teammates killed it, it’s jaw fell onto her arm when it hit the ground and broke her arm.

-statistics:

Combat: 9/10

Hand to Hand Combat: 7/10

Agility: 4/10

Initiative: 8/10

Wits: 5/10

Teamwork: 4/10

3D Maneuvering Gear: 6/10

Offense: 9/10

Defense: 4/10

Cockiness: 10/10

Titan Kills: 

Solo: 11

In team: 21 (is this ok ?? i assumed since she was 2 years older, p good at fighting, and in the scouting legion, that she would have a higher kill count than say, mikasa, even though she’s an ackerman, because mikasa is 2 years younger and hasn’t been on that many expeditions)

H: Sure! The 102nd would most likely have a pretty high kill count,seeing as a lot of battles happen after their training.

Grad Rank: 1st (ahh is this ok too? i thought since she was in the 102nd squad, and her family was in the military, that she could be 1st since there aren’t any y'know titan shifters or ackermans in her squad)

H: Also fine! The 104th was a special case--standards likely wouldn’t be as high in other training corps.

Grade: A

background:

lina’s ancestors moved with most of the world to germany inside the walls, the only safe place on the eartha lot of her family died on the way, only two survived along with a few other people - a wife and her husband, alanza and lucas santos - not much older than 18.

when they made it to the walls, they were given a small, one bedroom house inside wall maria, shinganshina district as they were one of the last people to arrive.

after a few years, they had a child together, and his name was to be victor. they taught their native language, portuguese told him to teach it to his future children to keep their country alive.

lucas decided to enroll in the military and joined the garrison to try and keep his family safe, but he was tragically killed when an abnormal titan flung themselves on top of the wall and ran along it, crushing the garrison underfoot.

it was eventually killed, with the help of one of the first elite teams and the scouting legion. lucas was one of the soldiers tragically killed in the attack and alanza was left to raise victor by herself.

when victor was a teenager, he too joined the military - scouting legion - despite his mothers wishes. he managed to survive, however, long enough for him to be promoted to team leader - and for his arm to be bitten off in a mission, not long after his promotion. he was discharged by the military and met a girl by the name of hanna.

it was love at first sight, and they married only a few months after they met - after all, they could die at any time. alanza was soon a grandmother to a child of the name sofia.

by this time, the schlitz/santos line had become quite legendary in the walls, due to their skill and unwavering determination to help mankind. this cycle of the generations was continued until it got to maria and dedrick - lina’s grandparents. their father, abe, had been brutally eaten alive by a titan. due to this they were both firmly against any of their children or grandchildren joining the military in fear of their safety, and so the cycle ended. that is, until lina was born from delmira and adelchi - maria and dedrick’s daughter and step-son.

as soon as abe saw her face he knew she would join the military despite anyones wishes. as lina grew up, abe’s prediction slowly came true - she idolized the military due to their unwavering bravery and optimism that humanity would win the war between them and titans.

she was often caught sneaking out of her house to watch the scouting legion coming home from missions, cheering them on despite the crowds nervous and dejected muttering. so it was no surprise when, on her 12th birthday, the first thing she asked for was to join the military. (that lil shmishirt)

she persisted until her grandparents were brought to her house the next day from their home in wall rose. they told her of all the dangers, and yet she still persisted. they finally agreed - but only because lina’s father said he would join with her.

as soon as the words came out of his mouth, a loud bang rang out that shook the floor and caused panicked screaming to be erupted from outside. lina’s family rushed through their front door, only for them to be met with a crowd of people sprinting past, yelling and screaming.

they pushed through the crowd and found themselves at the back of another crowd, all staring up at the wall. a giant titan, over 50 metres tall, was standing behind it - looking down at the people of shiganshina with a blank expression, its hand clutching the wall. steam came off of it, increasing the temperature of lina despite how far away it was.

her family was frozen, huddling together and clutching each others hands. maria - lina’s grandmother - was clutching the cross and figures of wall maria, rose, and sina attached to her necklace and praying.

the titan moved its foot back and kicked the gate, sending it splintering all over the town. titans waiting behind it were catapulted forwards, crushing citizens and soldiers along with the multiple boulders.

lina’s family turned and ran as fast as they could. despite being old, lina’s grandparents were fit and kept up with her family - delmira dragging lina by her hand.

they made it to the docks in wall maria just as the last boat was leaving. delmira, with lina in tow, immediately began to shove her way to the front to plead with the soldiers to let lina on board. they denied her request and delmira whispered something to lina. they hugged each other as long as possible before delmira broke away and disappeared into the crowd.

luckily, the guards were distracted by the giant horde of people trying to break through. lina ran up the docks, as far away from the crowd as possible, and found herself level with a boat - it looked full to the brim. lina looked to the next one and eyed it apprehensively. stepping back a few paces, she sprinted as fast as possible towards the ledge. pushing herself off of it. her hands reached out to the edge of the boat, but the side of the boat was slippery and her hands couldn’t get a grip in time.

lina scrabbled for a grip, her fingers of her left hand slowly slipping off as she began to fall, but before she could, her wrist was snatched up by a calloused hand.

she looked up to see a friend of her mothers, adelmo weber, holding onto her arm. he pulled her up and onto the boat, despite the outrage that burst from the lips of the citizens that there wasn’t any space left on the boat, and even though she was just a child, he should have not saved her.

lina looked back just in time to see the crowd of people frantically running away - towards wall rose - from a titan, nearly 10 metres tall, picking them up and eating them like insects. the manic crowd drew level with lina’s boat, and she made eye contact with her grandma - at the back, out of breath - as she was snatched up by the titan.

lina screamed loudly, screaming at her grandmother to fight, fight the titan and get to wall rose - but it was futile.

the titan bit maria in half and let her severed legs fall to the ground as lina finally reached the edge of the boat, stretching out her hand to her grandmothers half-eaten corpse and the rest of her family.

the crowd was surrounded by titans coming from both sides and they were all massacred.

lina slumped down to the floor of the boat, and cried until she could cry no more. she slept until they reached wall rose.

H; Holy crap, all of this when she was 12? Poor kid! She probably has a lot of left-over trauma and stress from that day: PTSD, anxiety, possibly some extreme paranoia and OCD-like tendencies to check over and over that everything is okay.

the arrival of the boats was not received well by the residents of wall rose. they immediately began to riot about food shortages, overpopulation and that the titans would be drawn to the bigger population of wall rose.

lina exited across the drawbridge with the swarm of people who was on her boat, and they were promptly greeted by being pushed back by the citizens of wall rose.

they said that the other boats were too full, and they would not have enough room for all of the people on lina’s boat. the people onboard rioted immediately, calling out where would they go, would you be so heartless as to send us back - until they were silenced by the garrison and military police separating the brawling crowds.

they told all the refugees to go to the town square, where the people of appropriate build and age would be enlisted to the military with no choice, while the rest would go to work in the fields.

lina was enlisted despite being only just 12, and so began the start of her journey.

H: Woah, that’s young, even for SnK! Was she the only recruit of her age? Was she the focus of unwanted attention because of it? I have a student one year younger than the rest of the class at school and he’s always being picked on by the teacher (who I hate but that’s another story).

-trivia:

knows portuguese and when she is angry she slips in and out of it (for example, you are todas as dicas i hate eu estou para te you) also when she is tired or distracted she does too (i quero sleep por how tempo até as lights) this is because although her first language is english/german, her family spoke mainly portuguese at their home

H: My parents’ first languages were French and Arabic, and they do this all the time too! Nothing really important, I just wanted to add that. :)

she has the loudest, most boisterous laugh ever - although nobody has ever properly heard it

lina snores so loud she often kept the rest of her dormies awake

biggest sweet tooth ever - even though she rarely gets to eat anything other than beef stew and rations

H: This might not have been intentional, but people who experience traumatic events as children usually end up keeping childlike qualities with them for a long amount of time. Having a sweet tooth or sleeping with toys is not unusual for someone who went through what she did.

she has a bit of a portuguese/brazilian accent, mixed with english/german

lina cuts her own hair

her name means the heroes river, or river of light

SUMMARY-

H: To be honest, this character’s pretty airtight! There’s not much you really need to change on this one. She’s believable but still interesting enough to be a main character. Overall, great job!!

[youcancallmecirce]

Here's me asking for what i was going to ask already on AO3 and at your request to remind you madame of the altered reality pairings for ChloNath *bow* 1. The spoiled mayor child Nath and avid painter Chloe, 2. The gender switch, and 3. the same gender love type. Dont have to be in that order, just listing them so you can find them easier with numerical separation. Either way! I CANT WAIT!!! WOOOOOOOOOOOOOO LOVE YOUR STUFF!!!!

I’m starting with the Life Swap AU.  Enjoy!  (There’s lots more to the story after the break!!!)

Chloe set her easel directly in front of the large gallery windows, clipped her paper into place, and carefully laid out her supplies: pencils, sharpener, eraser, blending stick.

She was halfway through a series of tasteful, understated nudes, focused on showcasing the grace, power and beauty of the human body in all its forms—not just classic beauty, but those society dubbed ‘not ideal’ as well.  She’d already drawn all of the women for the series.  Mylene had posed for her, surprisingly enough, and she’d been able to capture her shy friend in all of her curvy beauty.  Marinette’s mother, Sabine, had volunteered for the project as well, along with several other women of varying ages and body types.

Drawing the women had been easy; drawing the men was proving a far greater challenge.  So far, she’d only done two, and both sessions had been awkward in the extreme.  Today, she didn’t even know who she’d be drawing, and she wasn’t sure whether that made things better, or worse.  If she didn’t know them, then she wouldn’t have to face them again later. That was better, right?

Right??

She shifted uneasily, wondering who she’d be working with, and began working on a few quick warm up sketches to distract herself while she waited.

Ten minutes later, she tilted her head, considering the roughly drawn figures, and sighed.  There was little more she could do without someone to draw.  She’d just begun to dig through her bag for a snack, when the studio door opened and Nathanaël Kurtzberg, of all people, waltzed in.  She gasped, and shrank behind the easel.  Was he in the wrong room?  He had to be in the wrong room, and since he probably hadn’t seen her, she could just stay out of sight and he’d leave—

“I don’t know why you’re hiding back there, Goldie, but if you intend to waste my time then I will just leave.  Mother did want me to go schmooze at some City Hall luncheon today.”

She cringed.  He’d definitely seen her, but he still might be in the wrong room.  There was a rustling as he set down his bag and removed his coat, obviously intending to stay a while.  She took a deep breath, smoothed the wrinkles from her yellow blouse, blew the heavy fringe from her eyes, and stepped out from behind the easel.

Only to gasp and dart right back behind it, her face crimson.

“Is there a problem, Goldie?”  She could hear the amusement in his voice, and she just knew that he was laughing at her.

“You’re naked!”

He chuckled, and there was more rustling.  “Well, not yet, but I will be soon.  Aren’t you going to be drawing me naked?”

She peeked from behind the easel, careful to keep her eyes glued to his face and resolutely not thinking about the subtly sculpted planes of his torso.  “Wait, you’re my model for today?”

He smirked, and made a show of rummaging through his messenger bag, and checking a schedule.  “Chloe Bourgeois, right?  Studio 716, 10am,” he deadpanned.

“Yeah.  Yeah, that’s right.”  Oh, it just wasn’t fair.  Nathanaël Kurtzberg was sinfully beautiful, rich as Croesus, arrogant as hell, and completely and utterly comfortable in his own skin.  If only he hadn’t grown out of being the nasty, spoiled brat he’d been in collége; at least then she could write him off as a jerk and focus on drawing.  But no, he had grown out of it, and she’d been nursing a crush since sometime in in lycée.

And now she was supposed to draw him.

Naked.

“You alright there, Goldie?  I’m serious, I do have other things to get to today, so if you’re not going to use me, I’m going to put my clothes back on and leave.”

Chloe shoved down all of the errant thoughts about how she’d like to ‘use’ him, and shook herself.  “Er, yeah.  I just, well I wasn’t, uh, I wasn’t expecting…you.”  He arched a brow, and she realized that probably hadn’t come across as complimentary.  “Not—not that there’s anything wrong with you!  I didn’t know who I was expecting.  At all.”

The smirk intensified, and his unusual green-blue eyes sparked with mischief.  “So, Chloe, how do you want me?”

Her eyes widened, and darted down in spite of her best intentions not to. At least he’d kept on his underwear, but the fitted boxer briefs did little to hide his body.  Her face flamed, and his smirk turned to a knowing grin.  She squeezed her eyes shut, smoothed down her blouse again, and prayed that her blush hadn’t gotten out of control.  Then she began shuffling through her stack of possible sketches, grateful for the distraction.

“I uh, have sketches of the poses I’d like to use in the series.”  She pulled two from the stack, and considered them thoughtfully.  “There are two that I’d like you to try.  The one I like the best will be very difficult for you to maintain for any length of time, so if you don’t mind, I will take a photograph for a reference.  Then I can get just a rough outline this morning, and fill in the details later.  If you have time after that, we can try the second pose.”  She passed them both to him, eyeing him shyly. “Is—is that ok?”

He looked at both the sketches, and nodded, his smirk back in place.  “You’re the artist, Chlo.  I’m just here to look pretty.”

“Right. Ah, ok.”  She moved a sturdy chair into the center of the room, in front of her easel, and angled it to the side.  “I just need you to, um…”  She gestured weakly to his underwear, and he grinned.

“Are you sure your delicate sensibilities can handle it?”

She scowled, and hid her warm face behind her hands.  “Don’t be an ass, Nathanael,” she grumbled, finally losing patience with his teasing.  “This is hard enough for me as it is.  I really don’t appreciate being made fun of.”

He looked contrite, surprisingly enough, and then he blushed.  What?

He cleared his throat, and turned his back to slide the boxer briefs from his legs.  “Sorry.  I’ve done this before, but never nude, and never—well, let’s just say I’m not as comfortable as I might appear to be.”

Chloe gaped at him, stunned.  She’d never once heard him apologize voluntarily, and she’d certainly never heard him admit to a weakness before.  Granted, she hadn’t seen him much in the years since lycée, but still!

Her eyes slid down his naked form, appreciating the clean lines of his lithe, compact body, and found her attraction to him growing.  Shit.

He half turned to face her, and suddenly she got a glimpse of something other than his well-defined ass.  She jerked her eyes back to his, and saw that his blush had darkened apace with hers.  “Ah, if you’ll just look at the sketch and get into place, and uh, get yourself situated, I’ll adjust your pose until it looks the way I want it to.”

“Sure,” he said, and she all but ran to hide behind her easel once more.

Merde, maybe this wasn’t such a good idea after all, Nathanaël thought, watching her scurry to hide once more.  He’d wanted to spend time with her, to show her that he was not the beast he’d been back in school, but this wasn’t going at all as he’d hoped.

He stifled a sigh, knowing that there was nothing for it now but to forge ahead, and studied the sketch she’d handed him.  Then he set it aside and stepped onto the chair, facing the back.  With his hands on the top, he positioned his toes in the middle of the seat and shifted his weight to the balls of his feet, touching his bent knees to the top of the back rest.  Rather than resting his haunches on his feet, though, he tried to keep his thighs parallel to the seat and the floor.  Chloe was right; this was not a position he could keep up for long.  He let his weight rest on his heels, since there was no point in holding the difficult position until she needed him to.  When he was sure that his goods were ah, ‘situated’, as she put it, he cleared his throat.  “I’m ready.”

He heard her draw a deep breath and let it out slowly, and then she came out of hiding.  He could tell right away that she’d shifted into artist mode, because her eyes had turned critical, and she studied him unabashedly.

“You’re perfect for this pose, I think,” she said absently.  “Turn your shoulders toward the easel, but keep your face oriented in the same direction as your knees.”

As she continued to direct him, he obliged as well as he could.  When it wasn’t quite what she wanted, she used gentle fingers to nudge him until he was positioned just so.  Sometimes, she would step back to look at him from farther away, and then come closer to adjust his position again.  When she was done, his shoulders were twisted at a ninety degree angle from his hips, and she’d placed his right hand in a fist over his heart. His left was raised so that his fist obscured his eyes, but left the rest of his profile exposed.  It was an awkward position, to be sure, even without lifting his weight.

“There,” she said with clear satisfaction coloring her tone.  “Just hold still for just a second…”  She angled her easel so that she could see him, pulled her phone from her bag and then fiddled with it, obviously bringing up her camera app. “Are you ready?”

“Yeah.”  He lifted his weight once more, and fought to keep his body immobile and his face neutral when his thighs immediately began to burn.  “Is this good?”

“Just a little bit lower…Perfect!  Don’t move!”

He heard her snap several photos, and willed her to finish quickly.  He’d thought he was fit, but this was more challenging than he’d initially realized.

“Ok, I’ve got it.  You can relax now.”

“Fuck, thank you.”  He dropped his arms and his weight with relief.  “I don’t know how much longer I could have held that.”

She giggled.  “I saw you shaking.  I’m not even going to try sketching you like that; I’ll just work from the picture.”

He slumped further and moved from the chair, forgetting for a moment that he was entirely naked.  He looked at her when she squeaked, and froze in mortification when he realized that he’d inadvertently given her an unobstructed view of everything.  Worse, she’d frozen as well, with her eyes riveted on his member—and it was growing under her attention.

Fuck.

He forced himself to move, and snatched his shirt from the floor to hold it strategically over his nakedness.  “So, that other pose?”

She shook herself and pulled her eyes away, but they did not meet his.  A fiery blush stained her cheeks.  “Yeah, right.  The pose.  Ah, here.”  She crossed to the corner, and pulled a long wooden staff from a nook between the wall and a large shelving unit.  “Face away from me, and stand with your feet shoulder width apart.  Um, rotate your whole body a little to the left.  I need your thigh to block—uh, yeah.  Like that.  Now take this and rest it across your shoulders, with your wrists draped over either end, and turn your head so that I can see your face in profile.  Perfect!”

He smiled at the excitement in her tone, and watched from the corner of his eye as she lifted her cell phone again.

“Do you mind if I take pictures of this one, too?  I want to have a reference in case we run out of time.”

“Go right ahead.”

She snapped several more pictures, tossed her phone into her bag, and finally took up her pencils.  They were quiet as she worked, and for some time the only sounds were the hum of a space heater and scratch of her pencil across the paper.

It was boring.

His shoulders ached, and his arms were going to sleep. He tried wiggling his fingers, but it only made them feel tinglier.  Was tinglier even a word?

He sighed.  Nathanaël Kurtzberg was not accustomed to boredom or discomfort.  He considered telling her to just use the picture to finish, but then he’d have to leave and he still hadn’t asked her out.  He could always steamroll her into going out with him, in return for his posing today, and a few years ago, he might have done just that.  But he didn’t want her to say yes because she had to.   He wanted her to say yes because she wanted to, and that put a whole new complexion on things.

Nathanaël Kurtzberg was not accustomed to feeling vulnerable, either. It chafed.  He sighed again.

“Are you ok?” She asked, and he jumped at the unexpected sound of her voice.  “You keep sighing.”

“Yeah, I’m good.  Just a little bored.”

“Oh! I’m sorry.  That’s my fault.  I usually try to chat with my subjects, to make the time go by, but I guess I was just lost in my own thoughts.”

She lapsed into silence again, and he turned his head a bit more to look at her.  She was blushing again, and was worrying her lower lip between her teeth.  Maybe she didn’t know what to talk about?

Well, that made two of them.

He cast about for something to say.  “So, um…will both of these drawings go into the series?”

“No!  I’m only doing sixteen portraits, and each subject is appearing only once.”

He frowned, feeling disappointed at that.  “Does that mean you’ll only actually finish one of them?”

“No, I um…I plan to finish them both.”  She tilted her head, her eyes darting back and forth between him and her paper as she considered what she’d done.  “I need to see them both, finished, to know which one belongs in the series.”

“What will you do with the other?”

“I uh, haven’t thought about it,” she replied, blushing.  “What banquet were you supposed to go to?”

Nathanaël noted that she was changing the subject, but let it go.  “Some political fund raiser.  Mother is already gearing up for next year’s campaign.”

She winced.  “I’m sorry you’re missing it.”

“I’m not.  If I weren’t here, I’d have likely found another excuse not to attend.  Trust me, there will be plenty more for Mother to drag me to.”

“My dad told me recently that he once had political aspirations.  He couldn’t stomach all of the ‘nonsense hobnobbing’, so he didn’t last long.”  She giggled.  “Can you imagine my father, the mayor?”

He smiled, thinking back to their lycée days. “No, I don’t think I can.  He’s far better suited to being a teacher.”

It got quiet again.  Nathanaël shifted his feet, which were starting to feel sore.  How far had she gotten? Would she maybe go for coffee with him after this? Coffee was casual.  Coffee was safe.  If she said no to coffee, he’d know not to ask her for an actual date.  He shifted again, drew a breath to speak, and blew it out silently.

Fuck.  Caring sucked.

He almost missed the days when he could just walk up to a girl and demand her attention, as he’d done with Adrienne for so long.  But no, that was a dick move and he didn’t want to be a dick.  It was a miracle that Adrienne was still willing to be friends with him.

Ok.  He could do this.  He could—

“Hey, um, Nathanaël?”

“Yeah?”

“I’m just about done with my initial sketch.  Would you maybe want to go for coffee?  With me?  Or—or lunch.  Because it’s noon, and people eat lunch at noon.  Or maybe not today, because you have things to do.  But maybe—”

“Hey, Goldie!”  He turned to face her fully, and leaned toward her with his signature smirk in place, the staff still slung across his shoulders.  “I’d love to get coffee with you.”

“Eeeep!”  She said, her wide eyes once again locked on his goods.

“Oh, fuck me,” he muttered, dropping the staff to cover himself with his hands, and wondering how many times he could humiliate himself in one day.

She blinked.  “M-maybe we should get that coffee first, yeah?”

[drferox]

20 Questions with Dr Ferox #14

Another mixed bag of 20 questions and comments from you Vetlings. I hope I’m not overloading you with answers lately. Many of these questions and comments pertain to posts made earlier in the week.

Anonymous said: Dumb question but do you draw? I looked at the FAQ and realised most of the questions have been vet stuff so I wanted to ask something non-vety... If you do draw, can we see an art?

Unfortunately i do not effectively draw, and I’m profoundly jealous of those that can. I can manage an unconvincing kidney or an overly complicated scribble on an endocrine system, but they are better described as ‘a spider falling into ink and having a seizure across the paper’ than ‘art’.

Anonymous said: Talking about drug seeking behavior: My mom use to work in a human urgent care and once a lady walked in saying she's new to town and doesn't have a vet yet but her poodle has SEVERE anxiety and NEEDS some kind of drug to help the dog and the poodle just happen to weigh as much as the lady. What a coincidence. Needless to say she didn't get drugs.

Rightfully so. What sort of poodle weight as much as a grown woman? That’s a poorly thought out ruse if ever I saw one. That said, I’ve had someone come into the clinic and ask to take home a syringe full of euthanasia solution for their dog at home, which happened to be human sized. We firmly declined.

@ jbbarnes-rogers said: I wanted to say that I really liked hat you compared surgery to hand sewing :^). I've always wanted to be a surgeon or a vet but gave up on that when I was in middle school because I inherited my mother's shaky hands, but I'm pretty proud of my ability to sew.

It’s a fair comparison for soft tissue surgery, which is the more common surgery. Facial surgery takes a little more finesse, but orthopedic surgery is more like carpentry.

Anonymous said: My cat, Arrow, has been with us for about 10 years and she's got a few adorable habits. When she's sleepy, you can pick her up and move her somewhere else and she'll remain purring and not be disturbed even slightly. She also seems to have figured out petting, somewhat; when she wants you to pet her she'll raise her paw and slowly claw your arm until you start petting. She doesn't seem to realise we don't like claws, but she never tries to hurt us or deliberately break skin. She's a good kitty.

All kitties are good kitties, according to their own definition.

Anonymous said: My cat really likes to eat grass. Is that ok for her?

If it’s not sprayed with anything then eating a little bit of grass is probably fine. Some cats just like to chew it, some like the novel taste or texture. A little bit wont hurt her.

@thisoleking said: ive known the issues with the Scottish fold breed for quite some time, however id like to know if Scottish straights are generally of better health?

I’d never heard them called ‘Scottish Straights’ before this site. I’m sure there’s a joke to be made from that name somewhere. They lack the gene for osteochondrodysplasia but are equally likely to develop the genetic heart and kidney diseases.

@ vilkasdaina said: Do the American Curl cats have the same risk as the Scottish Fold because of their ears?

If you mean whether they also get osteochondrodysplasia, then it doesn’t appear to be so at this stage. This s a relatively new breed though, and I’m yet to see one in Australia, so will await further data.

@dracus16 said: Quick question: what does feeding a cat a banana do?

Quick answer: You will have fed it a banana.

It eats a whole bunch of starch and potassium that won’t do any harm to a normal cat. It’s far from a balanced diet, but the occasional banana nibble doesn’t concern me.

Anonymous said: Why does eating too well cause so many problems in horses?

Someone who’s still studying this can go into more details, but asides from potentially getting colic from either pasture which is too lush, or stomach ulcers from feed which is too rich in easily digestible carbohydrates, horses (and ponies) that are fat are at increased risk of laminitis, where their hoof can basically fall off.

@lunalcvegoocl said: Hi! Thankyou for all your advice and time and effort you put into this blog! I had a check out of previously answered questions but i dont think youve answered anything along these lines before! My pregnant dog (she is in her second term, getting regular vet check ups) has recently started going mad whenever there are certain foods around, foods she has never bothered about before, also foods that are poisons to her, chocolate is one of the biggest reactions, is it like the dog version of cravings? we have kept her on her regular food, the vet recommended one, yet while she has never begged before she will now growl and bark and whine if anyone has anything (like chocolate, or weirdly, eggs and cheese) that she wants. Is this normal or should we be worrying about her not having all her proper vitamins needed? do you know if theyre any way to find out what it is she is lacking in? (she is a shih tzu, just turned 4 years old, this is her only litter)

You can get blood levels for various vitamins and minerals checked (they’re expensive though), but I would suspect this is more likely behavioural, especially because she’s after chocolate and it’s easy to ‘spoil’ a dog who’s pregnant for the first time. I wouldn’t give in to her, especially with regard to teh chocolate.

Anonymous said: I know breeders would never let it happen, but what would you think about making the puggle the new pug? Their faces are still a little smushy but at least they have an actual visual nose, and they get also get more proportional legs from the beagle as well. I just think any pug/English bulldog/etc are unethical to breed since, ya know, they literally can't breathe, and they need to figure something out, and for pugs making the puggle the actual pug might be a solution?

A pug x beagle is not a ‘new pug’. While such a cross reduces some problems, It’s not going to solve all of them and is a lazy, short term solution. This is particularly the case if you have breed standards, and public desire, striving towards a flatter and flatter face.

I have talked about this before here.

What I personally would like to see is new gene infusions from multiple suitable breeds, then back crossing those mixes to pug lines, selecting for better faces, hips and spines. This will take a global effort and a lot of work to organize, but it would be the best long term solution.

Anonymous said: Hey Dr Ferox, I was wondering, how often have you seen yellow cats aka cats with yellow nose, gums, inner-ears etc.? One of our own turned to that shade and, without going into detail, he couldn't be helped. Just wondering if it's a common occurrence. As for the question tax: came for the breed evaluations, stayed for the fantasy biology and vet stories. I like reading your posts that come by on my dash!

I don’t see really yellow cats very often (they look like their blood has been flooded with yellow highlighter), but I have about a 50:50 track record for getting them to survive. By the time they’re that jaundiced, the poor things are very, very sick.

@phenolphthaleinfuchsia said: Do you find that cats that started their lives as strays tend to get more health problems later in life even if they are kept inside once they are adopted? My mom thinks it's true based on the four cats we've had but I'm not convinced. Her argument is they are exposed to more pathogens outside that could lurk in their bodies and cause problems later in life. And question tax: what did you choose as your first starter Pokemon?

I tend not to see this. For young kittens their main problems from being strays are parasites and malnutrition, which you can correct with some parasite treatment and good tucker. Older cats may have picked up viral infections, FIV and Feline Leukaemia being the most important too, but if they have avoided these specific diseases then they’re pretty hardy. Pedigree cattery cats may avoid the malnutrition, but they’re not guaranteed to be free of these diseases, and it’s common to see them with cat flu, so they’re not notably better off.

Anonymous said: Do you recommend getting pet insurance? Specifically, do you recommend getting it for sighthounds?

I recommend everyone have a financial plan for if their pet ever gets sick, and for most people that’s insurance. However, I’m not a financial adviser so I don’t recommend any brand in particular.

Anonymous said: Does heat effect the gender of all reptile eggs, or is it just for some reptiles?

I’m not a herpetologist, but firstly reptiles don’t have a gender, they have a sex. In many species it has been determined that temperature does play a role in skewing the percentages of either sex (pH and other water parameters can do this in fish too). Wikipedia has a good starting article.

Anonymous said: Do you get foxtails in Australia? Inspired by a very recent incident in which my cat got a foxtail in his eye.

Yes, we have that type of grass seed, but we don’t often use that name. They’re just a grass seed or an *expletive* grass seed.

@ mushymaman said: Do you often see working animals such as seeing-eye dogs or therapy pets or even police dogs or horses? Have you made any observations regarding them? I assume that they have to be especially well for their jobs and I always wondered what vets think of animals being relied on for important tasks.

The police usually have their own vets they prefer, but I see the occasional guide dog or seeing eye dog. They have a few extra challenges when it comes to medicating them, because instructions like “administer half a mil” is a challenge when you’re vision impaired.

I have treated a custom’s dog before, and had to write him a medical certificate to excuse him from work while he was healing after surgery.

Anonymous said: Can cats crack their knuckles? My cat uses his teeth to pull at his toes very hard when he's cleaning them, and I can hear an audible "pop" sound before he lets go. He does each toe very methodically. There are no wounds/scratches on close examination, touching and handling the toes produces no pain reaction, he is not limping or showing any sort of injury. Vet check reveals nothing out of ordinary. He does it about twice a day for all the toes. I've honestly never seen anything like this before

It’s possible, you could technically ‘crack’ any articular joint. I suppose he might also be cleaning his claws, but I can’t really speculate more than that.

Anonymous said: Going anon because I speak for all of us vetlings on a very important matter.  May I politely demand more Trash Bag?

If you’re willing to come to my house and tell the little scamp to sit still more often for his photos, then sure. He’s a constantly moving target.

@ actual-dullahan said:  A little "question tax" if you will, heh! If you could live in any video game for a day, what game would it be and why?

That’s an interesting and difficult question because video games either have very short days or lots of bad things happen and you’re likely to die

While there is a certain appeal to survival games where literally all you’re expected to do is find yourself some food and not annoy the monsters, I would probably choose the Legend of Zelda, Ocarina of Time. I’m still hugely fond of that game from my childhood, it was very pretty and the danger levels were manageable. And it was just pretty and peaceful a lot of the time.