#i dont remember a before time. theres only this. only the too tired to drive safely and too much pain to walk the pitch and not enough sleep | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

lstories · 3 years

Text

Emma and Gaudi(um)

(Safe, Soft, Unwilling, Vore, accidental fearplay.)

Original idea by @mangotangovoredango. I just put my own spin on it and used my own oc's

"Owww." Emma woke up, her back was killing her. "Every God damn night." She muttered to herself still half asleep, she tried to grab one of the blankets to cover herself and fall back asleep as the morning sun crept in. She flailed her arms to no avail, looking down to the foot of her bed Emma realized she had kicked off all her blankets trying to get comfortable in her sleep... again. Every night was the same, waking up in weird positions and her muscles aching from working and resting. She didn't have to work, she didn't have to do anything. She was the CEO of a nationwide electronics/shopping chain and didn't have to work in store but, she wanted to help more than shoot ads and work as a telephone line between the board of directors. She still had to work as the CEO while also working in store and it was starting to catch up to her.

She didn't want to fall into the category of not having to work a day in her life so she worked retail in her own company. After laying in bed for almost an hour, waiting for the alarm to get her out of bed she was not expecting a knock at the door to be the thing to fully wake her up. "Why is anyone out here, and why right before work." She thought starting to sit up. Putting her slippers on. Emma lazily walked over to the front doors. She wasn't expecting anyone and she lived a few miles out of town so nobody should be here. "Hey! I told you this was her house." Emma could recognize the voice immediately without needing to see their face. A few of her work friends stopped by with a car parked out front. That would be great if she didn't have to take a shift in an hour. "Hi, work starts in an hour, what are you doing here?" Emma said trying to sound as awake as she could. "You signed up for the carpool, remember? It was a four person pool and you signed up as the third person in ours. Also why aren't you ready for work yet." Hope said, a bit confused and concerned.

Emma started to remember, she just thought it was another paper for her to sign and now the pictures started to make more since. She didn't want to let her friends down so maybe a week would be ok before she stopped to not hurt their feelings. "I... guess it just slipped my mind, I'll get dressed really quick." Emma said closing the door and walking back to her room. "MAKE IT QUICK, WE GOTTA BE THERE SOON!" Paige yelled threw the closed door. Emma started to get dressed as quickly as she could. Stoping only to grab a small tied bundle of physical cash she put into a side pocket in her purse. She was still so tired, she couldn't keep going to work with how she's been sleeping, mostly less than an hour or two a night. She also refused to drink coffee, it was too bitter and it only made her feel even worse after a while. She walked out the door, just barely remembering to lock it as Paige basically dragged her to the car. "WE GOTA GO NOW!" She yelled as Hope started to drive off before Emma could put her seatbelt on.

"What is your rush, we have over an hour and a half before work starts." Emma said finally getting her seatbelt on. "No, it starts in half an hour and we're 10 miles away AND we have to pick someone else up!" Paige said as she frantically looked threw map and clock apps. Emma couldn't help but peek over the seat and look at her phone, and then she realized something. "You remembered daylight savings, right?" Emma said tiredly, showing her phone to Paige. She looked at the time on her phone, then the time on Emma's phone, back and forth until editing her time. "My time was off." She quietly said. Hope started to laugh her ass off. "Looks like we'll be able to stop and get coffee too." Hope said as her laughter started to die down. "Oh... cool." Emma said, a little annoyed that she couldn't go back to sleep for this. She tried to drift off, her head resting into the soft cushion. She almost fell asleep until the car stopped and another person got in the car. The briefcase they were carrying hit Emma in the legs and she winced in pain. "What the, why's there a forth person. Who... Faith?" Emma exclaimed rubbing the side of her leg that was hit by the briefcase.

"Oh, sorry Emma. Were running late and looks bad when the manager shows up last." Emma slightly glanced at her, annoyed that she couldn't sleep. "Did you-" Emma tried to talk before she was interrupted by Paige. "Daylight savings was last week and we were late but Emma showed me that my clock was fast and now were heading to the coffee shop because were early, is your clock fast?" Paige said. She didn't seem to need to breath when she talked. "Oh, I guess it is. That's embarrassing. Where are we going for coffee?" Faith asked as she started to settle down. Emma couldn't believe it, this was the first day of the car pool she didn't remember signing up for. They were uncoordinated and didn't plan for time, and she wouldn't expect anything less from her friends. "Theres a coffee shop on the corner and the new guy there makes amazing drinks. Should we go there?" Hope said, turning the corner before anyone could answer. "Guess that's a yes." Emma said under her breath. They all talked and waited in line and Emma just tried not to fall over. "Hi, what can I get ya." Gaudi exclaimed. "Hey your the new barista that Hope has been talking about, didn't you just move here because the old coffee shop you worked for closed and you were transferred here because you were so good and did you know Amy she was a regular there." Paige said, a giddy smile on her face and no falter in her breath. "Like a walking plot machine." Emma said under her breath. Gaudi slightly laughed at it, but no one else heard it. No one was supposed to hear it, she knew she said it quietly enough so nobody could hear it, let alone someone on the other side of a glass pain while she was in the back of a crowd.

"Ya, I knew Amy. She always got a hot chocolate instead of something caffeinated." Gaudi said, his face going from concerned back to chipper in an instant. "Anyway, what can I get you all?" He said. Everyone ordered their cups and last was Emma to order. She had never ordered coffee before and she didn't want to start now. "I heard something about hot chocolate, could I just get that." Emma said, her eyes were too heavy to hold open for very long. "Its not my specialty but I can load it with sugar if that's going to help you threw the day." Gaudi said, slightly laughing. "If can get me threw the day I might come back tomorrow." Emma said, placing 100$ on the counter. "You can keep the change." She said walking back to her friends. Gaudi was shocked, he looked at it and back at her. He wanted to make her drink perfectly, would it be so selfish to use a bit of magic to help her and himself. She seemed nice and she was cute so why not have her around sometimes, and maybe she might give him another big tip someday. He started to work on all their drinks, once he got to Emma's drink he made it as normal before lightly scratching something into the side of the cup. Emma couldn't stop looking back at him, there was something about him that she couldn't shake. It wasn't bad but she didn't trust it.

"Here you go everyone, and we hope you come back soon." Gaudi said while handing everyone their cups. Emma took one sip and immediately her entire body seemed to wake up. It was super sweet and she took another sip. Once she finished she felt like she had slept an entire day. When Gaudi wasn't making anything or helping anyone Emma came up to talk to him.

"What did you put in my drink? I haven't felt this awake in months."

"Magic."

"You put magic in my drink?"

"Ya, a small awakening spell."

"Come on, what did you put in it. I need to put it in my own drinks at home."

"If you won't accept magic then it's my personal secret."

"So you want me to come here every day to get your drink."

"I'd be able to see you every day and that would be nice."

"You want to see me? Can't tell if that's flirty or stalkerish."

"Well you said you would come back if the drink woke you up."

Emma started to talk once again before getting cut off. "We gotta go now, work actually starts soon." Hope said walking out the door with the others. Emma walked away without saying anything, trying to catch up to her friends. "Guess I'll see you tomarow then." Gaudi said with his head on his hand and a big grin on his face. Emma spun around, her cheeks were slightly red. She was about to say something before turning around and following her friends out. They all got into the car, everyone was eerily quiet. Emma had one last glance at Gaudi threw the window, he was helping a customer and was able to slightly glance back at Emma for just a second before Hope drove away. "So... You like him, don't you?" Faith said looking over at Emma. "No. Quiet, I'll fire you if you dont be quiet." Emma said, her cheeks brightening. "You do, you think we didn't notice." "Of course you do, and I think he likes you." They kept talking about how cute it would be if they were together, Emma just buried her head in her hands until they got to work.

Timeskip: Next Day

"Ugh" Emma's back was killing her... again. This time she had to get up even earlier for the car pool. She got up, got dressed, and waited outside for her friends. Her mind started to wander, she thought about what would happen at work, what the board of directors would be arguing about and all that. Then she started to remember what happened yesterday, Gaudi, the drinks, her friends, and how they would probably bring her back there. Oh and speak of the devil's, her friends pulled up at that moment. She lazily got into the back seat and they drove off, Hope and Paige were talking about her. "You were more productive yesterday and you seemed happier." "Maybe its because of the new barista." They kept pestering her about it. Soon they picked up Faith and she joined in, joking about her and the new barista. Not even five minutes later and they were at the coffee shop. They all gave their orders, leaving Emma to talk to Gaudi at the other counter.

"So, your back."

"I said I would be."

"Well, what can I get you today."

"Another hot chocolate."

"Will do."

Gaudi got to work making her drink, once she sat down he put another scratch into the side of her cup, covering it with the sleeve. Emma took a sip, her body started to wake again. If it kept waking her back up she was going to come here every day without complaint, other than her friends annoying her. They all talked, Emma actually able to commit to the conversation now. Before they left Emma put 200$ in the tip jar, smiling at Gaudi on her way out.

Timeskip + Brief Summary: 4 months later

Emma continued to go nearly every day. She stopped going in the car pool after a while but still met up with her friends there. She gave a sizable tip to Gaudi almost every day, but his coworkers were starting to get annoyed. She experimented with the drink, staying up for almost two full weeks with no sleep and no repercussions. She kept wondering and pestering Gaudi what he put in her drink but she never got an answer more than "magic". They started to get to know each other more, eventually Gaudi got her number and they watched a movie at her house. He was amazed at how big her house was, he didn't believe it when he saw it. Eventually, Emma had to go on a business trip and couldn't take Gaudi with her.;

Gaudi was glad the day was over. His shift was getting long and he just wanted to get home, well, as much of a home as it was. Working at a coffee shop didn't pay much, Emma's tips did help but it wasn't enough to buy a house. He walked down his normal route to home, letting his mind wander on the day. He was sad that Emma had to leave today but she told him what it was for and it made enough sense. He only had to wait 2 more weeks before she would be back and they could watch another movie or something. He walked threw a back alleyway, and into the nearby forest. It didn't take more than 30 minutes to walk to the small clearing in the forest. He could feel his wings and tail getting restless, whenever he turned into a human all of his draconic features turned into a shadow of what they were. He could still feel his tail, wings, the horns on his back, etc. They weren't invisible, but they weren't not there. Either way they needed to move, every night he turned back to a dragon to sleep and he never needed to worry about someone seeing him because they believed that there was a monster in the forest. He was a little bit sad though, his friends were getting mad that he was getting huge tips from a single customer. They all split the tips so he didn't understand why they were mad. He didn't really think on it too long before falling asleep, surrounded by his collected "treasures".

Timeskip: next day (again)

Emma couldn't belive how boring this was. She thought this work trip would be a little more fun but it was just signing more papers and agreeing with the board of directors and signing off with the marketing department. She wanted to leave and go back home, even being with her family would be more entertaining than this. She did read that 2 people went missing on the same day in her home town and that would be fun to look into. If she did have to go threw this, she wasn't going to do it tired. She called Gaudi, his phone rang for a few seconds before he picked up.

"Hey Gaudi"

"Hi, how are you"

"I was wondering if you could tell me how to make the drink, everything is so boring and I'm to tired to deal with anything."

"You know I can't tell you how to make it, it's my secret."

"Come on, how long have we known each other."

"Long enough to say that I will tell you someday, but i can't today."

His voice sounded broken and sad, she couldn't see him but she knew that he wasn't happy. He was always happy about something so this was different.

"Are you ok, you dont sound too good."

"Oh... ya, dont worry. Everything's fine."

"Well, ok. See you when I get home."

Emma couldn't stop thinking about what might have happened to Gaudi. He was never sad, he always seemed to be happy about something so hearing him like that worried her. This was going to be a long trip if she couldn't stop thinking about it.

(Before the call) Gaudi walked back to his work, he was always the first there to open shop. He never had any trouble before and he always did everything right, if he got fired he wouldn't know where to go other than back home. Once he got inside he unlocked the doors and started to turn on the heaters for the drinks. Soon enough his colleagues started to come in. They were all staring at him and watching the windows, eventually the boss came in and called Gaudi into his office. He started to get worried, the boss only ever called someone into his office if something was wrong. He sat down on the other side of the boss' desk, his leg shaking. "Gaudi, your track record and work ethics are astounding, but we've been getting complaints about you." The manager said, his face still as uncaring as when Gaudi first saw him. "Who put in the complaints?" Gaudi chocked out, his throat felt swollen. He feared the worst from what his boss would say, he didn't know why but he knew that something bad was about to happen. "Your coworkers have all been complaining about you, that you haven't been working as hard and that you have been fraternizing with a customer. We are sorry to say this but were letting you go. By signing this form you will be given a full year's pay as compensation if you leave today." He said. Gaudi's mind raced at this, where he would go, what he would do, how he would explain why he had to leave to the only friend he had here. His mind went darker and he wanted to turn into his dragon self and bat the manager around, like a cat and a ball of yarn. It wouldn't be hard and the manager did resemble a ball.

"Yes, I'm sorry sir and have a good day." Gaudi said sadly, signing the papers while holding back tears. He walked out a few of his former colleagues were smiling at him as he walked outside while the others didn't seem to care. He walked home finally laying down defeated, on the verge of tears when his phone rang. It was Emma, he didn't want to talk to her despite her probably being the only thing able cheer him up right now. He answered after letting his voice return to normal and calming down a bit. He didn't want to worry her so he wouldn't say anything about his job right now. He reassured her that everything was fine but still couldn't explain how her drink worked yet, especially over the phone.

Timeskip + brief summary: 3 weeks

Emma got threw the excruciating 2 weeks of mindless board meeting and peptalks to a camera. Once that was over, she reunited with her family for a week. Her youngest brother had finally made a friend and she believed she saw a dragon at the edge of the forest her brother was running to. She tried to stop him and ran after him only to find his new friend with cutout of a dragon and a flashlight. He did seem a bit confused while he was holding them tho. Gaudi was miserable, still sad over losing his job. Sitting in the parks most days to feed off the joy of people walking in the park. He started to use it more as a drug than a food source at this point. He couldn't stop himself, until he got a call from Emma.;

Emma got up from her seat, tiredly stumbling off the plane. A limo pulled in next to the private jet and the 2 other people on the plane started carrying bags from the plane to the limo. Emma got in, trying to go back to sleep. Eventually the limo started moving, jolting Emma back to consciousness and the man driving it started to talk. "Where should I take you mam." Emma tiredly mumbled to him before showing him the address of the coffee shop Gaudi worked at. After a few minutes of driving they arrived, Emma got out of the limo and stumbled into the coffee shop looking for Gaudi. After a bit of waiting she walked over to one of the counters, the persons face was ecstatic that she was walking over.

"Hi, how can I help you."

"Is Gaudi here today?"

Their face slumped a little in disappoint when they heard that the rich CEO that gave out hundreds of dollars in tips was asking for a specific barista.

"Gaudi? He was fired almost 3 weeks ago."

"What! He didn't tell me he was fired."

"Ya, he was fired a few days after you stopped coming in. Is there anything I can get you?"

"No, I'm leaving."

Emma walked out, getting back into the limo and driving off. She called Gaudi to ask where he was. It took a while for him to pick up. He told her he was at the park and she immediately started to head down there. It didn't take long for Emma to find him but his usual smile was replaced by a cold frown. For the first time ever she saw Gaudi sad. It started to break her heart and she walked over, sitting next to him on the grass.

"So you were fired?"

"Yep."

"And you didn't tell me? I talked to one of your colleagues and he said it was the same day I called awsking for your drink recipe."

"Auctly, it was after I was fired. I just didn't want you to worry."

A tear started well in Emma's eyes, rushing in for a hug. She was able to force herself from crying, and she saw the smile return to Gaudi's face. He couldn't hold back his tears as he returned the hug, he felt a wave of emotions wash over him.

"I... I have to leave soon, I just wanted to stay and say goodbye to you."

"What! No, you can't leave. Why are you leaving?"

"I wanted to get away from my family, to live my own life and now that I'm out of a job I need to go back."

"Wait, because you dont have a job you have to go back home? What if I hire you."

"For what? I was fired from the only thing I'm good at."

"That's it. You could be a personal at home barista. It would pay your what your monthly salary of your last job daily, you would have a new place to stay, and you wouldn't have to go home. You could stay with me, here."

"You would do that?"

"I could print the documents in the limo and we could hire a moving team to get everything from your home."

"I don't own a house."

"Your appartment?"

"Nope."

"Where have you been living?"

"In the forest neer the lake."

"You've been... what did you have, is there anything you need to pick up?"

"Nothing important."

"Do you just want to go home?"

"I could make you your drink."

"Or we could finish watching the movie series we started."

"That would be nice."

After a few silent minutes they eventually got up from where they were sitting, Emma had forgotten how tired she was. The adrenaline she had from needing to help her friend was enough to forget she hadn't slept for the past few days. Gaudi sat down next to her, some tears still pooling in the bottom of his eyes. She typed away on the computer she had in the car until they got to her house, Gaudi silently watching the entire time. When they got home she printed out the papers and Gaudi signed them. Emma showed him his new room, it was massive, deffenetly big enough for him to sleep in his dragon form. She showed him where the supplies he would be using were until she could get a full side bar set up somewhere. Gaudi immediately began to work on a quick drink for Emma, the soothing taste and the quick energy fix was needed. Soon the day came to an end, he had unpacked the one bag he was going to use to bring his minor belongings home. Emma had put on a movie in the private theater in her house. Soon a scene came on, a monster showing it's true form to their friend with them immediately accepting the monster as they had known each other. Gaudi couldn't help but want to tell Emma. Gaudi stood up from his seat and motioned Emma to follow him. She followed Gaudi into the front yard of her house. She didn't know what was going on but she thought it was going to be fun.

"So the monster scene that was just on in there, this is kinda that. I'm... I know its weard but I'm... I've wanted to say this for a while that... I know what im trying to say here."

Gaudi kept getting caught up in his words, wanting to just show her. Emma was confused but more happy than anything, it was cute.

"Ok, I'm just going to show you, but I want you to know that I really like you and that I would never do anything to hurt you and I will only ever try to protect you."

She didn't know what he was talking about but it didn't really matter, but her calm face soon went from calm and happy to horrified in just a few seconds. Gaudi's skin started to shift and ridges soon formed, and those into scales. His limbs started to extend as his clothes started to undergo the same process as his skin. Wings and a tail started to form from nothing and grow with him. And in a matter of seconds, a full dragon stood in front of Emma, the dragon of Joy. His pink scales glistened in the moon light. Gaudi fell onto all fours, accidentally shaking the ground with his weight. Emma instinctively took a step back, her face only held one emotion, fear. She was to afraid to move, her muscles were frozen and her heart was racing. Gaudi, tried to keep his smile, but his face was burning with worrie and confusion. Emma took a step back towards the house and Gaudi's instincts started to kick in. He lowered his back closer to the ground as if to pounce on Emma while his face stayed the same. They stood in silence studying each other for a few seconds. Emma made the first move, running toward the front door to get to the safety of her home.

Gaudi jumped, missing the door and jumping past her, trying to reach out his claws to stop her from entering the house. He tried to tell her to wait but she ran threw the door without listening. Emma grabbed her phone and started to unlock it as Gaudi reached threw the open doors and grabbed her. She screamed as a claw came up and flicked the phone out of her hands. He gently pulled her out of the house, holding her in front of him so they could talk. She was punching at his claws, screaming and begging to be let go, trying everything to get away. Gaudi knew she was making to much noise, trying to calm her down. "Please, I'm not going to hurt you. You wanted to know how I make the drink and I told you, magic, It's ok, your safe just please be a little quieter for just a minute so I can explain. " Emma kept screaming for help, her voice barely able to travel to the nearest house. Gaudi kept trying to reassure her that everything was fine when something caught his eye. The neighbors light a ways down the road turned on as a silhouette walked near the blinds. Gaudi ducked between the house and the lake as Emma kept screaming. There was a scene in a older movie that had a monster eating something whole and making it completely silent. He had swallowed a few squirrels and birds when he was younger and put them in his storage stomach to transport them so his mother who could heal them but nothing as big as a human. With a sorry look on his face he shoved Emma into his open maw, making sure not to hit his teeth. He gulped again and again, the sound of Emma's pleas getting quieter and quieter. The taste of chocolate was so strong and he couldn't help but let out a sigh, his eyes widened as he did. He forced himself to gulp faster to stop it from happening again. Eventually her head reached his stomach, a thin shallow liquid pooling at the bottom, covering her already drool covered face. Gaudi closed his mouth, one final powerful gulp and he let gravity do the rest of the work. Gaudi held his throat high, he let out a sigh as his stomach started to expand, a tear started to well in his eyes as he thought about what he had done. His ate his only friend who helped him stay away from his family, and it felt amazing. He knew it was safe but he didn't know if Emma knew, he wanted to help her but he didn't know how. Emma slowly slid into his stomach, the mussels of his throat and stomach started to crush her and she had to pull herself into a ball. After a few seconds of contemplation she started kicking the walls of his stomach and stretching as far as she could when she was fully in. She begged him to let her out, offering money and whatever else, she was fully crying and hearing her cry started to make Gaudi cry.

She couldn't believe it, her friend, the only person she felt she could auctly confide in betrayed her. Gaudi didnt know what to do, his mind raced as his stomach started to hurt. Maby he could make it all seem like a dream, marking a sleep spell into the dirt and raising his hands to his stomach. The clear liquid pooling around her started to glow, more of the liquid started to seep from the muscles of Gaudi's stomach even faster. A blue dust was mixed into the new stomach fluid. She touched a bit, her mind started to swirl and the tips of her fingers went numb. She tried to stay away from the new stomach fluids but it was no use, she begged gaudy not to digest her. A small amount of the liquid driped onto her head, her legs and mid torso were already numb and she couldn't think anymore, she kept awake for as long as she could, but her mind was falling and she couldn't help but drift off.

Gaudi started to calm down, he could feel Emma slowly drifting off to sleep, she stopped fighting his stomach walls and her begging turned into quiet mumbling and sobs. He started to think of how he could spin this so she wouldn't remember what had happened. He could clean up and stay in his human form, putting her back in bed and pretend it was a dream when she wakes up. His mind started to drift and his eyelids were heavy, he laid down on the grass between the house and the lake. He started to think about how he could help her, and if she found out would she let him stay. The grass was so soft, Gaudi's mind started to swirl as he unknowingly let the sleeping spell take him.

Timeskip: Morning

Gaudi woke up to the sound of birds chirping, he looked over to his side and saw a house, the morning sun bounced off his scales and onto the white walls of the house. His gut felt amazing, he hadn't felt this full ever but he didn't remember eating anything. He rolled onto his back, the weight of whatever was in his stomach pressing onto his back was nice but he wanted to know what happened. He rubbed his distended gut for a while, it was so sensitive he almost passed out from the feeling and went back to sleep. As he massaged his stomach he thought he could feel it moving. He sat up, his claws lightly dug into the ground as he watched his stomach. He held his breath for a second watching his stomach slowly, ever so slightly expanding and contracting. If his stomach was moving while he was holding his breath then what did he eat. He laid back down and extended his neck around the corner of the house, there was a limo in the driveway and the doorway looked familiar. He realized he was at Emma's house, had it worked, did he tell her that he was a dragon, but if he was out here than were was..... EMMA!

He rolled over, immediately grabbing his stomach and pushing it forward and forcing himself to get her out. His stomach started to hurt as he pushed Emma up his throat, he couldn't stop thinking about what he had done. If she was awake she would deffenetly call the cops and he would have to leave, and if she wasn't awake how would he fix this. Gaudi was finally able to push her out, he positioned his tounge over his teeth and she slid off of it like a slow sticky slide and onto the grass. She was still somehow asleep but covered in stomach fluids. Gaudi picked her up and hastily blew off all the fluids that were on her, he couldn't feel anything in his hands or claws when he set her back down on the grass. He quickly shifted back to his human form and cafully picked her up and carried her inside. He put her on the bed in the middle of her bedroom with her head resting carefully on her pillows and lazily threw the covers over her before he quickly walked out of the room. He started to make her drink, it was still his job and he would only be fired if she remembered. He worked as fast as he could and looked for a cup, eventually finding a water bottle and peeling one of the stickers down to scratch in the rune. He put the sticker back on and as he poured the drink into the cup he heard slight movement from Emma's room.

Emma woke up slightly moving her arms, somehow the blancket was still on her bed when she woke up. She was getting ready for the surge of pain whenever she wakes up but it never came. She opened her eyes expecting them to stay heavy and her not wanting to get out of bed, but she was fully awake, she sat up in her bed and looked over to her clock seeing that it's an hour until she has to be at work. She got out of bed already dressed, but her clothes were a bit wet for some reason, oh well. She walked out of her room seeing Gaudi pouring a drink into a water bottle. He was already smiling and it only grew as he saw her walking out of her room.

"Goodmorning, it's nice to see you awake"

"Morning Gaudi"

"I tried something new for you. A white hot chocolate, courtesy of your new personal barista Gaudium"

"Thanks, it's nice that... wait, Gaudium"

"Right, I've never told you my full name before"

"I thought your name was just Gaudi"

"Ya, well... I put my full name down for my last job and no one wanted to call me that so they called me Gaudi and I've just been using that ever since"

"After all this time I'm just now learning your name? Why didn't you tell me before"

"I guess it never came up"

"Huh. Well work starts soon so I should get going"

"Alright, when you get back we could finish that movie we started last night"

"Right... it was getting good to, why did we stop watching"

"Oh umm... I don't remember"

"Well I better get going, thank you for this and I will see you when I get back"

Emma walked out of the house, Gaudium was still smiling at her as she walked out. Whenever he smiled it made her happier. She walked down the intricate brick pavement to her car but, something to the right caught her eye. It looked like a liquid splatter, it was thick and was left in small clumps around her tree and on the lawn. She walked across the lawn and knelt down to get a better look at one of the bigger clumps. There was tiny blue specks in it and it looked like they were glowing. She stuck two of her fingers in it and brought a small amount of it closer to her eyes to get a better look. It was sentless and it was silky smooth but also sticky. The blue specks in it started to move closer to her fingers and once they touched her fingers it started to numb them. Her mind started to swirl as she couldn't keep a thought strait. She flicked the substance off her fingers and wiped the rest off on the grass.

Once she got into her car she took a sip of her drink, her mind started to straighten and she kept thinking about the substance. She had seen it before while she was terrified, she thought hard on it and eventually it clicked. The pink scales, the flesh surounding her, falling into his stomach... Gaudi's stomach. She rubbed the pocket of her pants leg, it was still slightly damp. Once she felt it her face slowly shifted to pure terror and she started to shake, he eyes quickly started to well with tears. She looked at the window to the kitchen in her house, Gaudium was silently sweeping away at the floor. He seemed focused and scared but once he looked out to Emma his smile reappeared. Emma couldn't help but smile back, it was involuntary but she still felt happier when she looked at him. She pulled out of the driveway and started to think about everything that happened, shaking all the way. She was eaten whole, how was she still alive, she should have been digested, why did the slime make her numb, how could he do this? She had so many questions she couldn't think strait, all she could think about was how her friend betrayed her. She instinctively parked not realizing where she was, her mind still raced as she looked up and, all at once, it stopped.

She instinctively parked outside the coffee shop and when she realized it her mind slowed to a stop. She sat in her car for a while just trying to process what she was doing and slowly her mind became more active. She started thinking about how he worked there, her friends forcing her to meet him, the happy times they had together in and out of this shop. He was a friend, he always looked out for her and he thought he could trust her enough to tell her something probably nobody else knew about him. He may have ate her but she was fine, and for the single second she remembered not struggling it was almost peaceful. Like the biggest hug he could give her, and somewhere deep down she felt protected, almost enough to stay there. She started to remember what he said before he was a dragon and as he was a dragon and like he said, she was safe. He fully trusted her and she trusted him. She started to drive to her work, she thought about what she would say to him when she got home, maybe he'd be willing enough to show her again... and possibly eat her again.

#safe vore #soft vore #unwilling prey #unwilling vore #fearplay

19 notes · View notes

windsweptlassie · 3 years

Text

On Love

So as you know I made this uquiz with an open-ended question at the end, tell me something about love, and I’ve gotten the most wonderful responses! They range from descriptions of wonderful partners:

Lauren: oh, how long I went without being myself until I met him and he showed me who I truly was and that my worth was higher than I ever thought was possible

Levi: I love who we are with each other. I love who I am with you. In your company I am me. In your company I am the best of me. The best with the best, I've told you. I wouldn't give you up for anything

Daniel: i fell in love for the first time when i was 17... at the time, i didn’t realize it was the first time, i thought i’d been in love before, a couple times actually, but falling in love at 17 was such a fulfilling experience, it felt so forceful yet so right. it’s when i first truly understood what love was. never before had i felt so understood and so cared for as i did when i was in love with her, and she was in love with me. it’s been nearly 4 years since then, and nearly 3 years since we broke up and stopped talking, and still, i think about her almost every day. i’ve never known anyone like her; to me, she was love itself.

El: oh i’m in love with everyone that i know op!!! especially my girlfriend, of course ,but also my friends and my family and random people on the street and uh

Grace: i’ve met my soulmate and we plan on getting an apartment and marrying after college

A: I’m going to ask the woman I love to marry me and I just wanted to tell someone because I am so excited

Jeremy: you ever have that feeling where basically after years of denying that someone couldnt understand you in a way or love you and then the next thing you know you happen to find that person and its just great from then on out? idk how to explain it anyways I love my boyfriend so much he means the world to me

Lucy: i am so happy i have found the one i love

to descriptions of best friends and favorite people:

Nightbyrd: Love is a hug from an alzheimer's patient who hasn't the foggiest idea who you are, but they know you're worth hugging.

H: I have been doing so much yoga with my roommate recently!! It's a great way to center my mind for an hour

Riv: [platonic] i’ve literally never met anyone who understands me in the way that my best friends do. they’re literally the best people in the whole world and i genuinely don’t know what i’d do without them. i love them with my whole heart

Cillian: when i talk about how much i love my best friend i get so teary eyed because i cant believe that such a genuinely wonderful person wants to speak to me every day - i care for her more than anyone else on this planet

O: my two besties are my sources of happiness and they’re so pretty i would die for them :D

to beautiful quotes:

Kai: "you have bewitched me, body and soul, and I love, I love, I love you. I never wish to be parted from you from this day on." DARCYYYY PLS MY HEART CANT HANDLW THIS PAIN

Dorian: When the plane went down in San Francisco, I thought of my friend M. He’s obsessed with plane crashes. He memorizes the wrecked metal details, ____the clear cool skies cut by black scars of smoke. Once, while driving, he told me about all the crashes: The one in blue Kentucky, in yellow Iowa. How people go on, and how people don’t. It was almost a year before I learned that his brother was a pilot. I can’t help it, I love the way men love. (accident report in the tall, tall weeds- ada limon, bright dead things)

Adam: every day I think about lemony snicket I will love you if I never see you again I will love you if I see you every Tuesday or however it goes. and it KILLS ME. love only fits in small things

Hero: “Your heart beats in my ribs and mine in yours, and both in God’s… The divine magnet is in you, and my magnet responds.” - Herman Melville to Nathaniel Hawthorne

Mary: "Love is watching someone die."

Alex: "meet me at blue diner, i'll take coffee and talk about nothing baby"

Sparrow: "How dare you love me like you've never known fear?" and "For you, the world," and "Darling, I was born to press my head between your shoulder blades," and "Will you start where I end?"

V: " You want to die for love. You always have. " and "someone will remember us, I say, even in another time" are living rent free in my mind 24/7 and I'm shaking. When will I finally be not the only one falling ?

Sahar K: To love another person is to see the face of god!!!

Miriam: all the love in the world is useless when there is total lack of understanding- kafka

Juls: Don’t you think they are maybe the same? Love and attention

to practices of love:

Leo; i love feeling happy bc somebody that i love is happy and comfortable....like its not about me i just love seeing you smile. we are safe together...idk i just feel it bro

A: I like to think love is leaning on each other during the light or dark days. Its a personal mission of mine to find out who I am and what I want. Yet I never seem to find my place in this world and as I look and look , I realise the only place I can be myself even with or without the efforts to find myself was done on that day or not, I am always tired so shall I lean on you? And you can lean on me as well. I shall be your fig tree and you shall be my favourite willow tree.

L: It's too late at night to be soul searching, but it's a journey we all seem to find ourselves on these days.

Anthi: feeling safe and at home, I guess (also I love frogs)

Julia: ive found that loving someone is like becoming your own thesaurus. you have to find or come up with infinite ways to say, you’re beautiful, or, i love you. it’s a gift

Galexies: ive been writing letters to the person i'd love one day since i was 14. i write them in a little journal usually, but i've been digitizing them into emails and sending them to one account that i'll give to them someday. i'd like to put pictures, but i haven't been outside much recently so theres that. i wonder if they'd like the sunsets i have on file, or if they'd find my cat cute in a bowtie.

Caeles: Love is sharing fruit slices and making someone tea at random

Dundy: Love is sending your friends cursed shit and watching them react in horror

to crushes and potential loves:

Jess: I have a crush on my roommate. It sucks, but it's also wonderful. I get to be around him all the time when we're at school. we share a life together; it's rather domestic. I think a lot about marrying him and being domestic with him forever. It won't happen, and I'll move on eventually, but I'll be happy with him for as long as I can. I hope you feel loved tonight, because you are. Sleep well.

Aki: I so desperately want to believe that love is fake because I’ve seen what happens when loved ones leave but whenever I start to convince myself that I’ll never love anyone my best friend messages me telling me she loves me. She’s the only person I’ve ever pictured having a future with but love scares me and I don’t really know what to do but I think as long as she’s with me in some way, I’ll be fine

Hi: her her i keep thinking abt her.... gonna see her in 8 days or so i really miss her. its ok if shes never gonna love me like i want her to really being her friend spending time with her makes me the happiest girl on earth.... outsold antidepressants

Kit: this guy i have a crush on has hypnotically dark brown eyes and he's wonderful and shows me kindness like no one else

Juno: my crush has all the stars in his eyes

Mads: When I have the courage to meet my eyes with hers, the world stands still

Be Nice To Me: Look bro I never do these but I am yearning to hold them SO badly right now and someone needs to know it besides me

to the trials of love:

Pppppp: I just wanna love like from the movies and what I read about.. but everyone tells me that that’s fictional and rare to find in the real world and it sucks bc it seems like all the guys I’ve met are terrible and the norms of society are all about not respecting women and uthdjdjdk

Manny: I have been in love before and I will be again but I’m not now and I miss it

Ok: I don't think I've ever been in love, though I love many people. I am waiting for the day I look at someone and can say, YES. IT'S YOU.

Chloe: idk rn i'm like okay with my love and i'm happy so we'll see i'm just a little cautious rn bc my last partner told me i didn't know how to love

L: love is so fucking complicated I don't even know where to start

Corrin: He’s not real and it worried me that I will never allow myself to live or be loved because I will always be waiting for him

Sean: Good luck it dont exist

Serena: i want 2 b in love :(( </3

13: I don’t know anymore

M: I just really don’t like dealing with it lol

to beloved characters:

Janaya: I’m madly in love with my comfort and kin character and I hope maybe in the afterlife I can relive a life with him in some sort of dimension

Jhgjdf: when i was a kid i had a crush on ash ketchum from pokemon and id always daydream about being a female pkmn trainer and meeting him and we fall in love

to advice and prose:

Mikolai: Love is earth, gentle and soft at first flight but upon being broken, drowns you in the dry choking wastes of its consequences...

Thex: Your hands will not go cold without someone to hold them. I am here. I will be here.

Kat: it is the nearest proof to god that i find myself surrounded by people who love in a way that complements so wonderfully the way i love

H: believe in love out of spite believe in love to prove everyone wrong believe in love because you were told not to and we will not do what we’re told anymore believe in love because it’s the strongest act of teenage rebellion we have left believe in love because it’s easier not to and when is easy worth doing? believe in love because everything says otherwise but you are untouchable, you are your own, you are not made by their design believe in love because, perhaps, you are love

Ali: I used to want a kind of love that feels like coming home and now I want nothing more than to be away from home on many different adventures

Em: you dont need to love yourself to accept it from others

to the small, the simple, and the sweet:

Ireal: Poems

O: Flowers

Fay: ah im sorry that i’m feeling unmotivated but you are very kind.

Ad: we love LOVE

A: <3

Isak: small things

H: intense

Hey: Listening to a clock ticking away

S: her

E: <3

Hania: Amorous, I adore that word ^^

Catboy: wholesome

J: i love love so much it hurts

Emmy: hi i love the song darkest of discos!! try and give it a listen!! <3

Nora: Love is painful, but most of the time love is great

Ariel: i like the comfort it can bring

M: i love love

to food!

Cool Whip: Matzoh ball soup!!

Woop: I love sausages.... I hope that's ok with you?

and animals too <3

Nee: hmm i have pet geckos and i love them very much!

96: raccoons ????

DJ Big Penis: cats

:3: I Love frogs,,, love is stored in the frog,,,

I hope that this serves as a sweet compilation of what love means! Love to all of you, it warms my heart so much to hear about your people and your geckos and your characters and soup and all the songs and quotes you love. <3 Strength to all of you who are figuring out to do about your feelings for your crush, and congratulations to you who are proposing or moving in with your person! Your words are a source of light to me, truly.

#on love #love files #uquiz #mine #shut up queenie #long post

74 notes · View notes

scarletwidowaf · 3 years

Text

Ghost Of You - Chapter 4

AN: this is my favorite chapter so far! Its Mostly fluff and wholesome. Again, didn't checked mistakes so I'm sorry in advance .

words count: 1880

masterlist | story index | AO3 | wattpad

The two ex-avengers were lying on their motel shared bed.

The place was in a pretty good condition which was a nice change after the last 4 motels the group found themselves at.

Natasha was lying under the covers, her red long hair in a messy bun and a book in hand.

Next to her, Wanda was sleeping peacefully.

The younger woman was finally getting better after the brutal cold she suffered from in the last few days.

Natasha couldn't help but appreciating how cute and peaceful she was.

Her hair messy, nose red and cheeks flushed.

Thats how their evening went.

Wanda peacefully sleeping while Natasha reading a book and glancing at the younger woman every now and then.

At some point, when Natasha glanced at the brunette next to her she met with green eyes, who were watching her curiously

Natasha couldn't help but smiling at the sight in-front of her.

"Is everything okay?" She asked.

Wanda nodded weakly.

"You love reading, dont you" wanda asked.

"I do. It was something i loved doing ever since i was a kid."

"Why?"

"Many reasons, its comforting and enjoyable and in a way, its an escape, even if its just momentarily"

"Do you feel the need to escape?"

"Like right now? From this bed?" Natasha asked confused, a small smile on her lips.

Wanda smiled but didn't answer.

"So, What are you reading this time?"

"The Catcher in the rye. Its a classic"

"Is that so? Will you read to me?" Wanda asked, her cheeks getting flustered (even more than it already was).

"You dont have to of course, i didn't really thought how weird it might seem-" wanda ramble and Natasha smiled before moving her attention back to the book.

"That's the thing about girls. Every time they do something pretty, even if they're not much to look at, or even if they're sort of stupid, you fall in love with them, and then you never know where the hell you are. Girls. Jesus Christ. They can drive you crazy. They really can."

She read out loud, cutting the girl mumbling.

Natasha looked at wanda again.

The younger girl's body was pressed to her side, as she was clinging to her for warmth. Wanda looked at Natasha with a smile.

"Making sure I'm listening?"

"Something like that" she responded.

Wanda smiled at her. Her eyes sparkle.

That moment Natasha couldn't help but smile.

'Jesus christ', she thought, 'they really can'

____

"Natasha?"

Wanda felt stupid as she called Natasha's name into air.

How do you even call a dead person? She thought.

The young woman stood in the middle of the no where in particular, not far from her cabin.

A red pickup truck parks not far and its headlights illuminate the woods, where it begin to darkened.

The sun was half way down and the sky was painted in beautiful shades of orange, red and purple.

Wanda chose this spot because of the beautiful view it revealed, a small waterfall was pouring from a spot not far from her and into a lake. It was truly a sight.

Wanda really thought things trough this time.

she wasn't sure what the future holds for the two women but she was tired of wasting their precious time with fighting and crying over their bad luck. So she organized a date for them.

She spread a big mat on the floor and layered it with many blankets and pillows and even lit some candles around them, far from something that could catch fire yet close enough to light the space.

She even organized a picnic basket full of food and snacks natasha loved and some surprises for the date.

And most importantly she was definitely dressed to impress.

A high waisted skinny jeans, the ones who made her ass look extra good and she knew Natasha liked (she knew that since she wore it a few days before the snap when the two women traveled in the streets of Paris and natasha's thoughts were very loud while she walked behind her)

With a white top who didn't leave much space for imagination, cleavage and toned stomach were visible and wanda just hoped the weather will stay as warm as it was.

After shouting natasha's name over 10 times the younger woman got frustrated.

Wanda was about to give it up, sit and cry while eating cake but when she was about to turn around she met with Natasha smiling at her.

The older woman was dressed differently, which was odd, it seems like although she was dead she could do almost everything (except touching wanda which was frustrating enough), she could hold a book and read, she could eat food (although hunger was never an issue for her) and she could change clothes.

When they found out the older girl could do that natasha was pleased, relieved to change into something that wasn't the clothes she died with.

Natasha was leaning against wanda's truck, an amused smile painted on her red lips.

"You called?" She said with a lighter tone and wanda sigh in frustration.

"How long where you watching me like a creep, romanoff?"

"Long enough" natasha moved from tree to wanda's side. Her eyes scanning Wanda.

"I was just enjoying the view" she said. Her tone flirty.

To make things worse she even bit her lip, making wanda's cheeks grow red.

Wanda smiled before she sat on the pile of blankets and waited for natasha to occupy the spot next to her.

"Do I'm making you feel uncomfortable?" Natasha asked when she sat.

"Not at all nat. Im just not used to get this kind of attention. You were always holding yourself back and vision was.. you know.. vision" wanda confessed.

Natasha smiled softly.

"Well, i was a coward and vision was vision so.."

Both women smiled at each other. Their eyes sparkle with joy.

"So, what's up with the setting, not that I complain" the older women said as her eyes traveled to wanda's outfit.

"I wanted to arrange something for you. As a apology for bringing you back purely"

"You always arrange a super romantic date in the middle of the woods as an apology? Because if this is the case i think i deserve many of those after all this time"

Natasha joked and wanda rolled her eyes.

"You're an ass you know that?"

"Ive been told"

"So, what's in the basket?" Natasha asked.

Instead of answering Wanda opened it lid and pulled out the first item. A headpiece she made herself.

Natasha stared at the white flower crown with confusion.

"Why-" she started asking and wanda cut her off.

"I made this for you. For your birthday"

"Okay first of all: This is not my birthday and you know it, and two: you remember I'm dead, right?" Natasha said with a raised eyebrow, yet didn't show any sign of resistance when wanda put it on her head.

"I know its not your birthday, but I missed 5 years of life, so i think i deserve an extension"

Wanda couldn't help her smile when she saw Natasha with the crown. The older girl's cheeks were a bit flushed and she bit her bottom lip to hold her smile. Her green eyes sparkle with joy and warmth.

"I love it" natasha admitted

"Good, because there's a cake too"

"Of course there's a cake" natasha said in amusement.

Wanda smiled brightly before she turned back to the basket and started to take out the edible items in it.

Natasha couldn't help her staring, the younger woman was beautiful, just as she remembered and even more. The Wanda Natasha was looking at at this moment was not the same Wanda she remembered.

It was like wanda somehow managed to grow up at her absence and natasha couldn't help but appreciate the women she became.

"Are those burgers from bob and Amy's?" Natasha smiled and wanda nodded

"I know that they're your favorite" wanda said as she pass Natasha her burger.

"You're kinda perfect you know that?"

"Ive been told"

By the time they finished their burgers while holding a general conversation the sun was already gone and the only light that's been left was the from the candles and wanda's truck headlights.

"You should turn off your lights" natasha said with a smile and wanda did as she was told.

It was dark except for the soft candle light.

"Now i can barely see you" wanda pouted.

Natasha smiled.

"Dont pout. It makes me sad because i cant kiss it away"

Wanda stopped pouting.

"I think I found a solution for that" wanda said and natasha raised her eyebrow.

"I found out what went wrong in the first place and i think i can fix it."

"why me wanda? Why not your brother? Your parents? Vision?"

Wanda looked down at her lap, her eyes glitter with tears.

"Its been too long for them, there's only a short window of time where it can be preformed."

Natasha smiled sadly.

"I know there's a catch wanda. What will it cost?"

"Its nothing i cant handle"

Wanda whispered.

Natasha bit her lip.

"No"

Wanda's eyes widened.

"Nat-"

"No." The older woman repeated.

"So what? Do you want to stay like these forever and hurt the both of us in the process?" The pain was visible in wanda's eyes.

"Of course not wanda" natasha whispered while her eyes traveled wanda's face. Aching to touch it.

"Then what?" Wanda asked.

"I think you need to let me go."

"No."

"Wanda-" natasha tried her again but got cut off.

"I refuse to let you die" wanda said with anger.

"Im already dead wanda"

"You dont get it, do you? I love you! Let me save you. You said you're a selfish person natasha, than prove it and choose to stay"

Wanda's tears were smudging her makeup and natasha sigh in defense.

"I love you too"

"So stay" wanda begged.

Natasha smiled sadly at wanda before she pulled the basket to her lap and pulled out a small vanilla flavored cupcake wanda brought and took a bite of it.

"Theres something i wanna try. Close your eyes" she said and wanda looked at her confused.

"Just do it, ill be here when you'll open them again" natasha said before she took another bite.

Wanda did as she been told.

Before she could open her mouth to say anything she felt soft lips ghosting over hers and a hint of vanilla flavored cake.

The younger girl was taken back.

She could almost feel natasha's lips and if she tried hard enough she could almost feel her breath.

Almost.

When she opened her eyes she found Natasha taking another bite from the cake with a small sad smile tugged on her lips.

"That's the thing about girls. Every time they do something pretty.. ..you fall in love with them, and then you never know where the hell you are." (-the catcher in the rye)

#wanda maximoff #wanda x natasha #natasha x wanda #wandanat #natasha romanoff #Black Widow #Scarlet Witch #Avengers

25 notes · View notes

daaziscoolbesties · 3 years

Text

[REPOST] MY 2K WORD COMMENTARY/ANALYSIS OF RANBOO’S LORE STREAM

‼️‼️This post contains lore spoilers from Ranboo’s 4/23 stream, “The Enderwalk Saga. Chapter 1: The Lessons”. If you haven’t seen that stream don’t read ahead unless you want spoilers‼️‼️

disclaimer: this isnt really an analysis as much as a bunch of commentary and half-baked theories.

-on the way to the mansion he was sort of talking to himself saying stuff like "i'm good i'm good" which m a y be a normal thing but also maybe it's not and it flew over our heads cause he talks to chats and donos like that so often

-again, this one may just be a normal thing but when he was climbing up the stairs in the mansion looking for foolish, he repeats some of his words like down to the exact same tone of voice and everything. 12:42, "this mansion is way too big actually. this mansion is way too big actually." (why the repeated actually? seems odd to me but again it might just be a normal thing that i haven't picked up on). (right after) "okay okay lemme find him lemme find him" again repeated words in the e x a c t same tone.

-does everyone know about ranboo's silk touch hands ability thing? or was that just a techno and ranboo main character moment. bc if it was, how would foolish know that ranboo could pick up the full cake after it'd been partially eaten. unless everyone on the sever knows about that in which case this means nothing. but if they d o n t know... how would foolish know? ranboo wrote about it in the do not read book so maybe if it's not a publicly known thing maybe foolish got his hands on the book and read it??

-14:53-ish, they're talking about the war room and how it was for tubbo or whatever and ranboo says, and i quote "he prepares for lore but he's never gonna do it." now funny thing is at first i couldn't tell if he said "war" like in reference to the war room or "lore". but after playing the clip over and over i can say with ALMOST 100% certainty that he said lore. there is a definite L sound at the beginning of the word. which either means a) this was a slip up (doubtful bc he said later that there were no mistakes), b) he broke the fourth wall because they were supposed to be rping at that point, or c) i'm completely wrong and he said "war" which leads down an entire other road of possibilities

-15:17 "are you a book reader?" "*checks inventory for do not read book* uh yeah i'd say i'm a book reader-" dunno how i didn't catch this the first time I HATE THAT DAMN BOOK

-15:18 there's blue in his hotbar. where did he get the blue.

-16:40 "it's like a metaphor- i have two minds: i have my normal self, my normal little shift-dancing self, and then the builder one. the builder one is demanding. it's a very demanding mind." ranboo then lets out a weird sigh after this. i feel like what foolish was talking about was an indirect(?) parallel to ranboo in and out of enderwalk, there's how he normally is, trying to do best for others, and then there's enderwalk, meeting up with bad guys and "demanding" things (its very late as i write this i really don't know what i'm talking about)

-17:11 "you have your panic closet" i'm sorry his what now 😀 no but seriously how the hell did i miss some of these

-18:04 "you're asking me if i remember?" very funny ranboo thank you for making jokes in these trying times

-18:25 WHY DID HE GET OUT THE AXE WHEN STARING AT THE BEE

-19:38 why did foolish hold the grass block- most of these observations probably mean nothing but- h u h - is that- i'm too tired for this

-19:54 "i never properly thanked you for the deal you made with me" so foolish got something out of this deal, we're not sure if ranboo did. "the green cardboard box" again do you mean dream's house- but seriously the only people i can think of on the server that are associated with green are dream and sam. and i have no idea what cardboard box could be referring to. foolish got a lime colored shulker from drista

-20:30 "we're supposed to only talk about it at a certain location" hmm now where would that be? panic room maybe? cause like usually after doing a big thing in the enderwalk state ranboo wakes up in the panic room so maybe? the deal was that they only talk about it in his house

-21:52 how does ranboo receive(?) the lessons? like are they whispered to him in his mind or is he seeing them as words in front of him like we see? hmm

-"Lesson 14: If you have the opportunity to gain a favor, take it." "gain a favor" don't you usually ask people for favors though? how does one "gain a favor"? anyways i'm pretty sure lesson 14 has to do with the deal foolish was talking about. (the deal explained because i now have info: at some point a bit ago foolish met up with ranboo and asked to make a deal, he'd gotten a shulker box from drista. the deal was that ranboo would have ownership of the box, it would be under his name but foolish rents/borrows it indefinitely. ranboo negotiated that if he took ownership of the box he would get a "war favor" from foolish where if something happens that creates sides, ranboo can ask him a favor that could change his side. but why would foolish want ranboo to have ownership of the shulker you may ask? well i have an answer for you. a theory actually but still. basically since drista technically isn't supposed to give out shit on the server if someone where to have that stuff then they may get in trouble. foolish wants to be able to use the shulker but if it gets found he doesn't want to get in trouble, so he can blame it on ranboo seeing as it's under his name.)

-22:16-ish "i still have this from when you *can't understand whats said here*" well i guess that sort of explains why he had the grass block? idk man (info update: he had the grass block from when ranboo threw it at him telling him to calm down like what ghostbur does with blue)

-31:35 "i figured out how to cause it" how to cause the enderwalk state

-38:30 "ninety three lessons" I STILL DONT KNOW WHY HE KEPT SAYING NINETY THREE AND NOT NINETY FOUR AND ITS DRIVING ME CRAZY LMAO

-39:01 "it's all for the greater good" okay well when are you gonna start thinking about yourself and not everyone else for once huh. self care bitch.

-40:31 he started holding the axe when he was looking at sam- gonna say it i really don't like that axe ahahah- WAIT A DAMN MINUTE THE AXE IS NAMED "axe of ender" I DONT LIKE THAT I DONT LIKE THAT AT ALL

-41:53 is there something?? physically keeping him from telling sam??? or maybe it's sort of like his enderwalk state taking control to make him shut the fuck up??? so many questions and approximately zero answers

-43:18 ranboo raising his voice legitimately scares me 😀👍

-"Lesson 27: Do not reminisce on what you have lost for it will weigh you down." showed up when he was thinking about and REMINISCING about the community house 👀👀

-"Lesson 53: Never fully trust anyone." showed up literally after he said that he thinks he can trust the other people on the server enough to tell them about what he did

-"Lesson 67: Leave no evidence of what you have helped with." this is different from the others because there doesn't seem to be at least a semi-direct connection to it? unless maybe at the time ranboo was near something he may have "helped with"? not sure about this one

-"Lesson 94: DO NOT LET THEM KNOW WHAT YOU HAVE DONE" yeah yeah i get it i get it he's fucked up some shit in enderwalk i don't feel like analyzing this thanks

-OH OH NOTICE HOW HE SAYS "REMEMBERING" WHEN THE LESSONS SHOW UP. IMPLYING THAT THIS ISNT A NEW THING, ITS HAPPENED BEFORE AND NOW HES REMEMBERING IT. MAYBE HE WROTE DOWN THE LESSONS WHEN HE WAS IN ENDERWALK AND NOW THAT HES BEEN EXPERIMENTING ITS BEEN EASIER FOR HIM TO REMEMBER THOSE ENDERWALK MEMORIES

-okokok the experiments are that he's been e x p e r i m e n t i n g on how to purposefully induce the enderwalk state. and we know now that it wasn't from the pain of the water because on the stream afterwords he said that it's caused by the intense fear of something happening. and so the "side effects" of the experiments is that since he's in enderwalk more often(?) he starts remembering more things from it

-OH MY GOD WAIT "there is a reason sam, there's so many reasons, theres ninety three of them" (44:47) WHAT IF EVERY LESSON IS TIED TO A QUOTE UNQUOTE "reason" THAT RANBOO THINKS HES A BAD PERSON/NEEDS TO BE LOCKED UP BUT HE SAYS NINETY THREE INSTEAD OF NINETY FOUR BECAUSE THE NINETY FOURTH LESSON DOESNT HAVE A REASON YET/HE DOESNT REMEMBER IT HAVING A REASON

-dude honestly the whole sam part hurts so much this man is scarily good at acting

-46:46 "i cant put you in the prison you wouldn't be able to see michael anymore" bestie that's the point he doesn't want to accidentally hurt michael or tubbo in the enderwalk state—

-okay but there's no way that sam couldn't tell that ranboo was at least TRYING to confess to something- i feel like he definitely knows more than he's letting on because usually like when people do bad shit or admit to doing bad shit he's like in Prison Guard Mode™️ (he literally cut off ponk's arm because he stole some keycards or something) and whatever and idk what he knows but he definitely knows something and is trying to protect ranboo. or he's trying to manipulate him or smth either one works—

-50:38 "you are a good person" "i am?" you can hear my heart shatter. "yes you are" "i don't think so sam" "i do, even if you don't" "i really don't think so" and there it goes again

-51:25 hello badboyhalo i see you to the left of ranboo

-52:44 "but then my curiosity got the best of me" curiosity killed the cat, bitch

-52:54 "there's ninety three, ninety four, ninety- theres so many reasons!" SEE!! NOT ONLY ARE THERE THAT MANY LESSONS THERE ARE REASONS THAT CORRESPOND IM S O SMART—

-52:56 "i don't want to remember anymore!" *quietly brings forth my theory that when ranboo loses a canon life his memory gets wiped*

-53:13 "ive opened pandora's box" isn't the prison?? literally called pandora's VAULT??? so this m a y be a stretch but i'm thinking that maybe this could be taken in the literal sense that he "opened" the prison and let dream out (the sirens at the end of quackity's stream confirm that dream is indeed out)

-53:42 mans just straight up walked through a ghost i—

-55:37 so are we just gonna ignore the eleventh page of the book? "he's alive, but hopefully soon dream won't be"??? alright nevermind it's most likely bc when tommy came back he recruited ranboo in his plan to kill dream

-55:47 notice how he writes "what am i?" as opposed to "who am i?" no elaboration here idk what it could be

-56:08 just so it's clear for anyone who doesn't know- he's wearing armor at this point, and i'm like 90% sure that when he wears his armor water can't hurt him. and i saw someone say somewhere that like with splash potions when thrown it turns into a gas-like thing? so again, it didn't hurt him, he didn't get hurt. he said in the chill stream that he wasn't comfortable making it where his character had to hurt himself to do that. the thing that causes the enderwalk isn't pain, it's intense and sudden emotions like fear and stress. thank you for coming to my tedtalk.

20 notes · View notes

fleshblueberry · 3 years

Note

Babe wake up im going to rant about my ocs lore because im bored

Tw/cw depression, suicide, kidnapping, addiction, unreality

I write angsty stuff for my ocs oops-

When i first started making my characters they were very different in alot of ways and they were very different from what they are now. But i some how managed to glue all the chaos of my ocs together into a semi-coherent story. I went through an insane amount of world building with myself and i honestly dont think ive ever writen or typed any of it out before! its all just up in my head (and you know my memory is trash so ive probably forgotten of alot of things i made before lol). Anyways- i have two main story lines for my characters. Ethan's story, and Vevlet's story. Although i must admit Ethan's story is less complex than velvets simply beacsue it acts as a story of prequeal to Velvets story line. (Alternate realities that happen to have effect on each other basically- we love space time junk)

Ethan's world is very similar to ours, the most similar out of any of my fantasy worlds lol. Ethan's story revolves around self-discovery. I mean for it to be a wholesome/lighthearted thing that quickly leads up to dark undertones (spoilers lol). Ethan's story begins with Eef pre-transition (AFAB to NB). We get to see Ethan learn about themself and have fun exploring emotions and what it means to be alive. Ethan comes from a run-down family (mom khs, dad mia). So he lives with his adoptive parents (who i have yet to design and think about- theyre lesbians 100% though). A major moment for Eef is meeting his partner Seth. As you already know Ethan and Seth are cute ass boyfriends and stuff but guess what! im jammed their story full of angst and edgy shit bc i "wrote" most of this when i was hella depressed! Anyways Seth's family is like moderally welathy, wealthier than most i would say. Seth catches feelings for the emo chick ofc (forgot to metion Eef was definately a hot goth girl before he transitions).... uh yea anyways seth ends up flirting and crushing on eef and eef is like yea sure im bored and sad why not. and they end up dating after a while. Theres an important moment in their relationship when Ethan take Seth to this dead tree. THis dead tree is very important also bc it is where his mother hanged herself, and Ethan doesnt quite remember that bc he was very young when it happened, but he knows it as a place of comfort and he goes there alot when he feels sad or alone. this tree could be taken as symbolizim but heheh ill never tell. anyways Ethan is like yo my fevorite tree and Seth is like wtf okay bro ily and all but why a dead tree with an unstable tire swing?? ANd ethans like idk but i like it here reminds me of my childhood (op my guy) and they spend the night there. Also when ethan comes out to seth as nonbinary seth is just like ok,,, because hes bisexual lol. anyways time skip and Seth has some addiction problems once he graduates, long story short- Ethan doesnt like it bc his dad was a druggie so he trys to help Seth and Seth raises his voice and ethan is tiny compared to his bf so hes naturally like terrified of being hit and he suddenly feels his world of happy and peace he build back up bieng destroyed once again so he heads to his mothers dead tree and decides life isnt worth it anymore, and he hangs himself in the exact spot his mother did.... once seth comes off one of his highs or whatever hes like- oh fuck i yelled and acted agro to my traumatized partner. and he immedatly goes to the tree bc its Ethans favortie spot but its to late. regret is the only emootion anymore... its over for them.

now youre probably wondering how the absolute hell does that tie into velvets lore?? well do i have a tale for you. Velvets sotry begins on her 21st birthday, she is out for drinks with her douchebag bf and her bestfriend. several drinks later she yells over blaring club music shes going to the restroom, and as shes walking back she sees her bf and her bestie making out and she doesnt even say anyhting and walks out alone. She is making her way back to her apartment very tipsy. She then hears a vechile driving beside her, she cant make out anyhting theyre saying and the people in the car get out and before she even relises whats going on shes thrown into the vechile and is being beaten and yelled at. She passes out as theyre driivng to somewhere. When she next awakes she is in a barn-looking place. Concreate walls painted red and straw all over the floor. she cant stand, her legs stung and so did her entire body. for several days- she doesnt know how long she stayed in this place unable to move or do anything. Weak and starving, she gathered up her last bit of strength and hung herself on a low board (havent really worked out the details on that scence bc i keep changing my mind but she does hang herself). Cut to a space of nothingness- legit nothing- exactly its impossible to imagine nothing. In the nothing sits velvet all skin and bone, and then an entity, a hooded figure with long hair, sits next to her. No words are spoke, but the entity looks at velvet longingly. Then it tears out its eye- just full on plunges its hand into its socket and rips it out. bloody mess honestly. the entity hands its eye to velvet, and she takes it. there is no thoughts here, no sound, only actions. Cut once more to a coriners room place? ya know the place with dead bodies and tables and shit- anyways a bright light emerges from dead!vevlets chest and surrounds her entire body. *cue stunned doctor mans* Velvet arises from her death with her scars healed over and... wings. Yup shes an angel now. I mean her world already had monsters and things of suppernatural belonging but- angels are rare. She makes 1 of 2 angels in their relam as of current. Angels are "made" from regrets. Regret overflowing from two sources- one long dead and the other recent. This is where ethan comes in. Ethan's regret from how he died was powerful and sad, powerful enough for his spirt- an entity- to reach Velvets. Velvet too, had much regret in her death. So young and so many things that could have been avoided. In the days following up to her death in the barn/cellar she only felt regret. Regret for all she did and all she didnt do. So much pain summoned the entity. Their powerful forces of regret pulled them together and allowed Velvet to return- but at a price for the both of them. the entity lost its eye- symbolizing a loss of humanity and conscientiousness. While Velvet lost herself, she no longer can view her world in the same way. She has severe ptsd- like episodes and halucinations. She cant go back, she has to live through he own grief. Velvets appearnace also changes quite a bit. Her hair got longer, she has two sleek gray wings on her back, and- one of her eyes are purple now. why does it hrut her to see that eye? why is it all so familiar yet far away. Her human brain can hardly understand all the changes. But she was gifted this- she knows she must try. And luckily for her society sees angels as higher beings. They are given the umost respect but they are also greatly feared because of how misterious their origins are. The only other known angel meets with velvet quite alot through her story, he will act as a sort of guide/plot device to make things a bit easier for myself (havent worked out his lore tho or even a design for him hjbfkjsdb). Anyways im tired and its 1:35 am so thats all the lore you get for now, plus its the stuff ive thought about the most so- i dont really want to think any furtherb ahead yet lol. to many little things to work out...... i love creating but oml typing hurts after an hour or so-

Jam out!

... I don't even know what to say to this

8 notes · View notes

yyxgin · 3 years

Note

no bar!! never fret about replying late. i know what it’s like to not want to talk to anyone. honestly. i won’t call it (my experience) a depressive episode bc one of my friends used to brush off me when i was saying things like i’m depressed and say ‘sad’ instead. like if i were to say ‘that made me/i am depressed’ she’d say something like ‘oh god same! like if it’s making you sad,, don’t do it.’ which is a v poor example of what she did but i never called it depressed after that bc she pissed me off n was disregarding of my feelings (even though she’s incredibly anxious herself) bc i didn’t get it officially diagnosed. idk if you’ve ever read about birth control pills but i always read on tumblr people calling them literal depression pills and i ignored it, thinking either 1) people were being dramatic / were over-dramatising it or 2) it wouldn’t happen to me anyway. it fucking happened and they were not being dramatic. i was never happy n always working on minimal sleep n making self depreciating jokes all the time bc it was the only way i could cope with my thoughts n constant mood swings. so what i’m trying to say is,, i know how it feels. if that’s any consolation. it’s not me trying to be ‘oh me too!’ or ‘mine was worse than you’ it’s just me being understanding n telling you it’s okay. also lemme at your friends!! i’ll stomp them out n get the barman to run them over for you!! they’re so mean to forget you!! i find that deciding i want to do something specific n then asking the appropriate people if they want to do saïd thing/place works for me. it can be a simple ‘we should do this, when are you free?’ helps. making it known that you want to do things helps. or aggressively remind them that it’s nice to be asked bc it means they thought of you even if you couldn’t go n tried to include you. or we can revisit me stomping them out w my beloved barman,,, whatever works best for you my dear <3

admittedly me and one of the girls were discussing that we are going to miss our manager. even though literally everyone moaned about her (i feel like it’s impossible to avoid in literally any job/situation) she did have her moments and she did a lot for the staff like after work-drinks, asking the chefs if we could order off of the customer menu instead of the staff menu or whatever they cook in bulk for everyone to take home in the evening. apparently she did this a lot more than the previous manager. she has a good heart but sometimes she ignored some of the girls when we ask for days off or our availability for the week which was very annoying of her. it could’ve been a lot worse, i suppose, but overall she wasn’t terrible.

thé lady who lives in my town and drops me given the chance, told me the other night that she used to be the duty manager. i asked her why she stopped and she explained that when they furloughed everyone they asked her to come back on like half pay or something? idk i just remember it being explained as they wanted her to come back sooner and take away her furlough so she said no and got demoted. but somehow she still gets some of the furlough? idk i have been taught that asking how much or discussing specifics of paychecks kind of thing is rude, growing up. she has been telling me they keep asking her to come back (now they’re asking her to be a supervisor since she declined the manager role) and she keeps saying no. i love her and want the best for her so i won’t say anything to anyone about the conversations me and her have had (i mean, apart from maybe my mum if i can remember, and you bc, let’s be real, you don’t know me and idk you) and she says they’re just difficult to work with as a management team. she even said our area manager isn’t impressed with our current assistant manager (who is currently the only person on an houred contract since our manager left) which shocked me since i personally think he is quite good considering he has a good relationship with the staff and kitchen (he’s thai so he can communicate with the kitchen better than most of the wait staff (some wait staff are thai but mostly not)) i think she doesn’t want to be the eldest person in management or she doesn’t want the age gap to be so big since she has a kid she can lecture at home, she doesn’t need to be looking after people at work, y’know?

also today, me and one of the girls were upstairs (two floors of the restaurant!) and it’s nearing 11pm and her brother (who also works there) comes up and asks us when we’re finishing (mostly her lol) but we had two tables just sitting talking amongst themselves so she just said idk. he was saying he wanted to go bc he’s tired etc n he’s driving n she was like it’s fine go home i’ll call an uber or something n he was refusing to leave her behind. (i feel like i brushed over the two tables sitting there but it must be noted they’re the only tables left in the entire restaurant and we were the only two wait staff still there, apart from her brother but he changed and was waiting downstairs). anyway, she was sweeping (i was cleaning the booth/sofa thingy chairs as it was a mundane task we could do to pass time and while she was sweeping by one of the tables thé boyfriend was whispering to his girlfriend saying ‘should we go?’ and the girlfriend said ‘why should i care?’ and the girl came over to tell me v quietly and i got so upset for her. bc she is literally the sweetest person on the earth and the only reason i didn’t go to ask the manager to see if i could go home with the lady who offers to take me (ex-duty manager lady!) was so she wasn’t alone up there. if i had been the one sweeping near that table i would’ve snapped so fucking hard at them. i mean, we’re 18 and have lives and sleep schedules, and we’re working until 11pm on a thursday before we even get home?? like i wouldn’t have minded staying if they were reasonable tables but after the gf said that i was like ‘shall i go get our stuff from the staff room?’ so i could split as fast as possible. in the end the temporary acting manager came up and told us we could finish and she kicked the tables out ten minutes later. i told her what the table saïd and she thought that was mean and unnecessary too. i was also worried about my sleep tonight since i have my first vaccine tomorrow morning. that’s why i was more pressed about what time i left work today. oh well.

im sorry for talking so much about work! sometimes i don’t have someone to talk to about it (at home) bc of my weird hours and sometimes i don’t like re-explaining things to my mum if she doesn’t get it the first seven times. sometimes it’s just a little too draining as she doesn’t understand since she’s a lifer at her job. it’s easier to explain to my dad but then i get a whole lecture on something that i ultimately have no control over n id rather just bitch w the girls at work but the problem is WE’RE AT WORK!!!

also i booked for my first tattoo!! i’m excited. it’s for next week,, which was super quick considering i was expecting to have to wait soooo much longer. i’ve been telling people about it and that it’s happening but i haven’t had the pleasure of telling people exactly where i got the idea from. bar, my dear, you know wheein’s new album, redd? well, it comes with loads of things, including these stickers (one for each song) and the one from springtime was just so perfect and when i saw it my first thought was, this would be a perfect tattoo. and so i am having it tattooed on my body. a subtle nod to kpop whilst also having something meaningful on my body. i also have just decided i want a small, minimalistic (or one-line art) rose on my sternum, kind of in the valley of my breasts, bc my nan was a rose. i like having her close to me. i recently got her necklace fixed which has left me feeling so incomplete after it broke in august last year. it’s been almost ten years and i think i’m long overdue something to remind me of her. i fiddle with my necklace when i’m nervous which is why i love it so much but incase it breaks again (i pray it doesn’t but i have a long life ahead of me) i would like her close still.

gosh there’s never enough space in my head to remember what i want to tell you so i’ll stop here for now since i should sleep to be able to wake up in time for my first jab. i’m scared but it’s whatever i’ll do it i suppose,, eeek 😨

ilyl ~ 🌻

thank you so much for opening up to me about this, it means a lot to me :( i am so sorry you had to go through this and honestly,, i really resonate with you. i feel like when i talk about my emotions and my sadness (dont know if its okay to call it depression either but yea), my friend either always either makes me feel like my emotions arent valid or she tells me she doesnt know how to help, which is frankly, why i dont talk about my emotions to people irl anymore. i dont open up and it takes me a long long time to do so if i ever do, because i tend to feel insecure/not safe :D so really, thank you for telling me and i hope you are doing better. your emotions are valid and i am always here for you

HAHAHA i mean i dont have many friends so theres not many to stomp on:( but i mean,, i get passive aggressive when i feel forgotten/left out so you best believe i told my friend how im feeling, but like uhhh it didnt do much. i spent the whole weekend at work and i was free on friday but my friend decided to ditch me and yeah. i havent been out in like two weeks now and i mean i am an introvert so i dont mind that much but even i want to socialise sometimes

aah i mean every manager has their flaws, no one’s perfect. my manager keeps calling me to go to work even though i was literally there for 11 hours on saturday AND sunday which means i worked for 20 hours in two days. and i work 20 hours a week at max. and i already worked some hours before the weekend so i think i have like 30 hours now and she keeps calling??? dude i need a break too,,i am so exhausted and tired of this shit :dd

oh i totally get what the lady that drops you off sometimes told you. i would feel a little iffy if i heard it too, but like,,,judge by your own experiences!! if you feel like something is off, you can always leave,, so i wouldn’t be so stressed about it.

why are people so rude ??? dude,,you should care, because we are all human. everyone has their needs and their lives and i bet he wouldnt like it if he was the one in your place. why should you stay there longer just because he didnt want to leave?? that was so unnecessary. people are weird beings and i learnt that after working with them this weekend,,,like i litereally got screamed at because i couldnt accept cash in different currency. like,,what tf do you want me to do?? i dont have every single currency with me so i could give u the change ?? tf ??

ALSO ITS OKAY TALK ABOUT YOUR WORK HOWEVER MUCH YOU WANT !!!! i also feel like i dont have anyone to talk to about work bc my parents dont listen to me as much as they used to these days and my friend unsurprisingly just doesnt care bc she doesnt work,, and i dont wanna talk to my internet friends abt it as much bc i feel annoying so i am glad us two can talk about these things together !!!!

YOUR FIRST TATTOOOO WHOAAAH thats so cool. i love tattoos hihi dfkja idk if u already had the appointment but tell me how it went after !! i wasnt able to find the sticker on the internet but im sure it looks hella pretty. also i love how it reminds you both of kpop and your grandma, its wonderful <3 i really want to get a tattoo one day,, and i also want something meaningful (not that i am hating on people that tattoo themselves just for fun and have no meaning behind their tattoos i just have commitment issues so i want something long lasting). alSO my crush (yes i have a crush now ew) has a tattoo and it looks like satan lowkey,,but apparently its a japanese something (i forgot the word oopsies) and it means jealousy, bad past and wisdom ?? i was like BOY IF U DONT??? fjdkla he has blue hair btw i am very much whipped but he also doesnt know me and i am older than him so this is embarrassing

ALSO I HOPE YOURE FEELING WELL AFTER GETTING THE VACCINE !!!

ily <333

#💌ask #🌻 anon

1 note · View note

themagicaltunaa · 3 years

Note

Answer all the questions

well i have nothing to do so sure

1. What have you eaten today?

some toast for breakfast, leftovers for lunch, and some cereal for dinner

2. Who was your last kiss with? Was it pleasant?

never kissed anyone, don't really care about that

3. What color shoes did you last wear?

light grey sneakers

4. Who has made you laugh the hardest in the last week?

Jeremy did, when I was watching his Alien Isolation stream on monday

5. What is your favorite scent?

I love the smell freshly baked goods

6. What is your favorite season? Why?

I love fall. I just love the aesthetic of the season, and my favorite holiday is during fall. I would love to experience it one day

7. Can you do a handstand or cartwheel?

lol nope. I was barely able to do it as a kid. If I tried now i’m pretty sure i’ll break something.

8. What color are your nails?

the regular pink color? I don’t paint my nails

9. If you had to get a tattoo on your face to save your life, what would it be?

aw geez, uhhh idk maybe like a tiny star or something

10. What is something you find romantic?

i dont know romantic things

11. Are you happy?

12. Is there anything in particular making you happy or sad?

no not really

13. Dogs or Cats?

cats. i like dogs too, but sometimes they’re too much to deal with. i’m more comfortable being with cats

15. Which do you prefer:a museum, a night club, the forest or a library?

museum

15. What is your style?

my style is “im trying”

16. If you could be doing anything you like right now, what would it be?

stay up all night to catch up on videos

17. Are you in a relationship or single?

single babeyyyy

18. What makes you attracted to the person you like right now?

nothing, because im not attracted to anyone

19. If you could replace your partner/best friend with a celebrity of your choice, would you? Who with?

i dont like celebrities

20. Are you holding on to something you need to let go of? If so then what?

i’m pretty sure i’m holding on to a lot of stuff, but I can’t seem to remember anything specific. if this question means metaphorically, the answer still works

21. How did you celebrate last Halloween?

I went to a drive thru haunted house with my 2 friends, and after we got some taco bell and went to the beach to eat our food. we sat there for like 10 minutes before it started to rain on us

22. Have you recently made any big decisions?

nope. I try not to in general , I hate having to make any sort of big decision because I starting stressing

23. Were you ever in a school play?

I’ve always had stage fright so no

24. What movie would you use to describe your life?

uhhhh, I dont watch enough movies to pick one

25. Is there something you have dreamed of doing for a long time? Why haven’t you done it?

oh there’s plenty of things that I've dreamed of doing, but I just can’t do it because of anxiety

26. Complete this sentence, “I wish I had someone with whom I could share…”

I dont like sharing

27. What are two things that irritate you about the same sex?

uhhh idk? maybe the whole makeup culture thing? but it’s not like it irritates me I just don’t get it. I can’t really think of a second thing

28. What are two things that irritate you about the opposite sex?

too much to list

29. What is the best thing that has happened to you this week?

fuck if i know

30. What is something that makes you sad when you think about it?

can’t think of anything rn

31. How long was your longest relationship?

never been in one

32. Have you ever been in love?

pretty sure I have not

33. Are you currently in love?

nope

34. Why did your last relationship end?

see question 31

35. What jewelry are you wearing right now, and where did you get it?

not wearing any atm. actually, I just don’t wear jewelry in general

36. When was the last time you cried and why?

I think it was last week? I don’t remember why, it was probably something stupid

37. Name someone pretty.

the anon that sent me this ask

38. What did you receive last Valentines Day?

oh! I got a few gifts from my bestie :)

39. Do you get jealous easily?

40. Have you ever been cheated on?

41. Do you trust your partner/best friend?

sure

42. Ever had detention?

no because I was a good bean in school

43. Would you rather live in the countryside or the city?

city. the countryside sounds nice, but just the thought of being out in the middle of nowhere especially at night makes me nervous

44. What do people call you?

by my name

45. What was the last book you read?

I do not remember. It’s been years since I’ve read a book

46. How big of a nerd/dork are you?

uhhh idk

47. What kind of music do you listen to?

anything that catches my fancy. I don’t really stick to one kind of genre

48. How tall are you?

my doctor said I’m allowed to say i’m 5′2

49. Do you like kids?

they’re alright. I can handle be around them for a bit, but I would never want to have any

50. Favorite fruits?

watermelon, starfruit, and tangerines

51. Do you wear jeans or sweats more?

jeans

52. What’s your earliest memory?

I was like 3-4, and I was at disney world with my family. I remember seeing a stage show of Bear in the Big Blue house, and I remember walking around ToonTown when it still existed

53. Ever had a poem or song written about you or to you?

i hope not

54. Do you prefer to be behind the camera or in front of it?

behind it

55. Do you have a collection of anything?

I used to collect seashells as a kid and I still have some of the collection somewhere in my closet. I wanna start a new collection of something but idk what

56. Do you save money or spend it?

i try to save it

57. What would your dream house be like?

something cozy and not too big, with a cat or 2

58. What top 5 things make you the angriest?

its 11pm at the time of answering this, i really can’t think of anything to fill a list rn

59. What top 5 things always brings a smile to your face?

see the previous question

60. You are walking down the street on your way to work. There is a dog drowning in the canal on the side of the street. Your boss has told you if you are late one more time you get fired. What do you do?

save the dog. i hate my job anyways so I don’t care

61. 72: You are at the doctor’s office and she has just informed you that you have approximately one month to live. a) Do you tell anyone/everyone you are going to die? b) What do you do with your remaining days? c) Would you be afraid?

I would definitely tell my closest friends, and some of my family members, probably my mom’s side of the family. If I had the money to, I would like to travel to some places that i’ve always wanted to go to. I would have a month to accept that i’m gonna die so i think i would be fine. i’d rather get plenty of time to know i’m dying rather than like last minute. this has been a topic that i’ve been thinking of for a while now, not because I’m like thinking about death or anything, I just need something to kill time with at work

62. Give me the first thing that comes to mind when you hear the word; heart.

a heart?

63. You just got a free plane ticket to anywhere. You have to depart right now. Where are you gonna go?

aw cmon, I can’t just think of stuff like that on the spot. I don’t even know where I would want to go

64. Do you like the beach?

It’s nice, especially in the early morning when everything is still calm and the beach isn’t packed with people yet

65. Ever sleep on the couch or a bed with someone special?

no? wtf does someone special mean?

66. Do you have a middle name? If so what is it!

Doesn’t everyone have a middle name? But yeah i do and i hate it so im not saying anything

67. Do you talk to yourself?

in my head all the time

68. Describe your hair.

brown, curly, very long because I haven’t cut it in almost a year, it’s very annoying

69. What is the meaning of life.

I wish i knew

70. What is your ideal partner like?

no one

71. Do you want to get married?

72. Do you want to have kids?

ew no

73. Like or dislike your family?

they’re bearable

74. Are you Chunky or Slim?

I’m more than chunky, i’m just straight up fat

75. Would you consider yourself smart?

lol no. I’m an absolute dumbass

76. What would you change about your life?

everything if i could

77. Religious or Not?

no not really

78. You’re drunk and yelling at hot guys/girls out of your car window, you’re with?

I don’t drink so this would never happen

79. You’re locked in a room with the last person you kissed, is that a problem?

it sure isnt because no one is there

80. Does anyone regularly (other than family) tell you they love you?

uhhhh no. I don’t really care tbh

81. If the person you wish to be with were with you, what would you be doing right now?

idk

82. So, the last person you kissed just happens to arrive at your door at 3AM; do you let them in?

i’m not opening the door because no one is there

83. Do you like when people play with your hair?

ehh not really. It’ll just make it frizzy

84. Do you like bubble baths?

85. Have you ever been pulled over by a cop?

I need to drive in order for that to happen

86. Have you ever danced in the rain?

no. its not fun getting soaked in the rain

87. Do you trust anyone with your life?

not really?

88. What was your first thought when you woke up this morning?

why does god allow suffering

89. If money wasn’t an issue, what top 10 places would you travel to? (You get to stay at each place for a week)

1.greece

2. peru

3.disney world only because I have not been to all the parks yet, also i can bug my brother while i’m there

theres a lot more but i’m too tired to fill out the rest of the list

90. How was your day today?

it was fine

91. Play an instrument?

used to play mellophone/french horn in band in high school. after I graduated I haven’t touched an instrument since

92. Describe the what you think of the ocean.

it’s scary

93. Do you believe in aliens or ghosts?

aliens as anything that counts as a living organism not of this world, not green little men from mars nonsense. the universe is too big for only life to be on earth. for ghosts, i’m still iffy about them, but that doesn’t mean i’m gonna start walking around haunted places and call the ghosts a bitch

94. Honestly, are things how you wanted them to be?

abosolutely not. every day I regret all the decisions i’ve made through my life. does that mean I’m trying to fix said mistakes or try not to do them again? lol no

95. Do you have a mean bitchy scary side?

in my mind i do. I’m too scared of everyone to actually do it

96. When are you vulnerable?

always

97. How much free time do you have?

doesn’t feel like much. saturday and sunday go by way too fast and i feel like when i go home from work theres just not enough to relax. im tired all the time

98. Do you like to go hiking?

never been

99. Odd or Even Numbers?

even

100. Would you ever go sky diving, bungee jumping , cliff diving, wing suit gliding, parasailing, snorkeling, or other extreme activities?

no because I actually have self preservation. I am also a very big chicken

#wow this sure took a while #im gonna go knock out now #Tuna's posts #Anonymous

1 note · View note

shytiff · 3 years

Text

Jan 2021 Wins

ive “journaled” for 6 months now. it started as small ___ wins because when you feel rly empty, even doing the bare minimum feels like a win. written down some of the wins. i think until now i’d like to keep the “win” part. a win against my shadow sometimes. a win in life. some things to be grateful for. a win for remembering it later in the future. i know some days im just basically doing nothing. there are a lot of wars not won by me. but im still tryna ✨manifest✨

1 - woke up. watched bts’ 2021 seasons greetings. read trap city. afternoon nap. pupuy’s mbah passed away. i got DOMS in my body even though i did the barest of exercise yesterday (frail, i know). shower, matcha latte.

2 - the x banner atikah and i sent for racil post thesis defense has arrived lmaoo. mom made delicious (and sweet) fried banana. did some studying (more than usual, bcs the bar is on the floor)

3 - ate muesli, 3 risols. Kopsus coklat at flavola. Stayed there from 12-ish to 17:30 lmaooo. weekly bahas soal w/ fi. Rapat nemo

4 - first day of collab module. Barely cicil ukmppd. My mood is normal-ish but i hardly have the will to study. Dinner is fried fish with mentai sauce, potato wedges, and saladdd by mom

5 - collab module, qa presentation for rsui reps. finished reviewing tryout 2 solid. did padi pretest (got 66,5). ate chicken porridge, a bit of muesli and vsoy, tan ek tjoan bread, matcha latte, fish and chicken and potato wedges and salad, fried banana. i ate well today lol.

6 - slept during collab webinar, went to clara’s place to study osce and attended padi together. i ate well at clara’s placeee lol. ate nastar, kusuka, white kwetiaw with soup (?), and lele goreng. went back home @ 9 pm. i feel refreshed. even though we’ve half studied half mukbang all day. human interaction rly does heal me. i need human interaction more than i think. at night i dreamed about going to bali, to waterparks, seeing sea creatures, watching a movie displayed on a concert-like stage and screen at the front row.

7 - woke up at 07:55, finished my part for collab group work. felt a bit tired today. the rest of fam went to DM, and when they were on the way back i HURRIED my way out, not even taking a shower lmaoo. got pistachio matcha latte at starbucks dm. now im more skilled in searching the best spot in a cafe to distance myself from people lmao. the matcha latte is served with some sort of pistachio cream and sprinkled with nuts on top. its like when sbux had taro matcha latte and it had purple cream on top. the pistachio taste is quite strong. reviewed TO 1 padi, sent proposals for nemo sponsorship.

8 - did syndrome try out and padi 2 web try out. studied for osce and padi @ clara’s place. wanted to order pizza since clara bought me food before, but she insisted in ordering lmaoo. so dinner is pizza hut

9 - woke up at 11.00 lmao. havent had breakfast. lunch is muesli with the brand new delishhh chocolate granola and cimory banana milk. did one shot try out, got 71. had a google meet with Prof Agus (that ethics book ghostwriting job from a year ago is not finished until now huaaa) that went from 20.00ish and finished at 22.30,,,,, reviewed syndrome try out along the way. havent made my collab self reflection hhhh. i also need to study for osce. also havent edited article for bukang solid. and there goes my saturday nooo

10 - i swear i keep waking up late lmao. Flavola w atikah, racheel later came with wawa. Kopsus coklat and ukmppd class w dr yudo. After class i just talked at flavola (and ended not studying osce at all for sunday). Went to racheel's to pray and talk some more. Hurriedly went back for booty call with fi, watched konser dies natalis first. Tryout and sum study with fi and clar that went from 20:30 to 00:10. Powered by left over kopsus and 2 snackit pia. Rip my sleeping schedule

11 - woke up at 10:30 ish, the lack of meal and horrible sleep pattern (for my standard) produced stuffy nose during the day and a bit of headache that went away for a bit after i ate. Late bfast is muesli, drank protein, ate tan ek tjoan, plus 2 brownies in the evening. Tht coaching w dr niken. Did self reflection for collab. Had dinner without rice, as usual. Ukmppd class w dr ayu. Finished reflection at 21:30 lmao (deadline is 23:55). Tryna sleep and my nose is still itchy and i sneeze a more often. i hope it goes away 2mrw

12 - DV coaching, scele tryout, took a nap before padi cause my head kind of hurts. Les padi while drinking matcha with vsoy less sugar and no added sugar. I can withstand the horrible sugarless cy matcha taste bcs theres a taste of soy. Didnt do anything else. Havent studied osce on my own until now. Astagfirullah

13 - my head still kind of aches. Its goes away when im eating. im eating so well during the weekdays that i gained 2kgs lmao. lazed around the first half of the day. padi. finally tried saint matcha and damnn its an amazing upgrade from Cy matcha. the green color is super different yall. Cy’s green looks sick and tired compared to saint matcha. the taste? immaculate (although coco deli is more fragrant). caffeine? hits. awake and feel normal? yes. messaged an ao3 author and got replied and turns out she’s making a sequel for my fav fic of hers. yay

14 - osce practice w ara ren ness. bedah and anak osce coaching. had 3 of mom’s cinnamon rolls and matcha latte for the afternoon. cicil osce DV. edited some pld articles. did nothing else basically

15 - wasted my day, didnt have the courage to study osce (i feel like i procrastinate on it bcs it feels overwhelming to me), TO FKUI 2, hurriedly reviewed to 1 before, les padi. i feel like this is the least focused im being in a les. maybe its the too few matcha powder.

16 - woke up at 9 am. breakfast is muesli. reviewed to 2 fkui w apa salahku (finished at 12 pm, there goes half of my saturday). tried fried chicken master. its good and tender but i still prefer moon chicken.

17 - breakfast is muesli, banana and 2 martabak tahu. snack is keripik pisang aduuu wenak (and picking bits of meat cooked by mom). went to devi’s place w/ racheel silvi. brought RJ to be wrapped. we watched okay madam and its super fun, hilarious and full of twists anddd a bit of cutesy romance. just the right balance to enjoy and let the stress out. late lunch is moon chicken yay!! went home after maghrib, did to padi 6 w/ fi and matcha latte. talked about a senior’s wedding and eating healthier til 22:30

18 - To fkui 3, wasted my afternoon playing my phone, finally mustered some will to study after ashar. My progress is rly slow today. Watched hilarious jessi interview with eric, heechul. Im telling u, i thought tiktok is the funniest internet content but i was wronggg. Seeing heechul flustered is hilarious. Tried to study again at night but only learned 1 disease hiks

19 - had no idea what i did before dzuhur lmao. went to racheel’s to surprise atikah. actually napped at her place lmaoo why do i feel so sleepy. gifted rj to atikah. we ate fried chicken master and pempek on a small green table and talked. its like korean movie lmao. we talked while im simultaneously listening to padi lol.

20 - woke up at 8, chicken porridge + muesli and low sugar vsoy for breakfast. arrived at clara’s @10am. to fkui 4. reviewed it. reviewed general physical exam. finished up to padi 7. tried bombo donut. studied osce. i felt sooo dumb in osce (and clara is already super smart). superrr motivated to learn after going back home (arrived at 7) but i ended up opening youtube and drinking protein lmaooo and its suddenly 9 pm

21 - matcha latte at starbucks dm. Studied osce. Obgyn coaching w the super kind dr ilham. Les padi. Read angel buddy and played with my phone til 12 pm

22 - to fkui. padi as usual. had low motivation, so i did the tryout that day close to the actual course.

23 - left home at 06:30 to study together in capitol. had breakfast in mcd first. thank god i ate rice + chicken and breakfast wrap cuzzzz. studied osce together w ara, ical, kelvyn, dio and kak ilonka til about 2 pm. WALKED to bk bcs my parents are there. apparently simply driving to capitol is too much for them. immediately ate muesli at 4 pm cause i didnt eat anything in capitol. did nothing else after that. did not pray maghrib together lmao somehow mom had mercy on me and let me sleep som more. mom bought sate padang but i didnt eat it. i cried in bed because as yoongi said, “this is the real you and this is the real me”. did not shower/wash my face at night bcs i felt like shit lmao rip my face (its a week before bukang photoshoot)

24 - i feel tired, lazy, and just wanted some sleep. like all that’s in me is drained. ate muesli with strawberry milk. tried fitmee beef. its better than i thought. because the noodle is chewy you spend more time to chew. also ate fried chicken and daun singkong. usually i cant wait to go to flavola but even at 12 pm i just feel like laying down. finally mustered the will to shower and go out. its raining a bit on the way. colddd.

25 - to fkui 6, osce briefing, covid lecture (that was actually for ppds), padi

26 - spaghetti for brekkie, coaching neuro and ophthalmology, cicil osce

27 - cicil osce, the second to the last padi omg. the fastest padi ever

28 - obgyn osce practice at kak ilonka’s place (that nice kosan at forkabi) with ara, ren ness, kelvyn, dio with mannequins from og dept, tried meokja salemba that serves bulgogi rice. quite good. after arriving at home, studied neuro together with menno til about 20:45 an and i just dont have the energy lmaooo so i gave up and slept

29 - today is bukang photoshoot at bintaro. put base make up on the way. even put glue on my eyebrow. got eyebrow, eyeshadow and blush done by renata. took lots of photos. nebeng om coro afterwards to bxc to meet mom. we ate at genki sushi (renata ara kris mendel oca regan geordie eka). i missss road trips hua. did tryout fkui on the way back home. after shower and prayer proceeded to review TO with apa salahku. Last padi (havent done the questions beforehand so i sprinted it out while on the actual course). Muhasabah osce with kak widia afterwards lmao. Studied osce with clara

30 - studied osce with ara ren ness @ merra. I ate eatlah, moms muffin, kemplang, tango. I ate so welll. Its a productive sesh, neuro and infectious disease. At home i studied osce w clara til abt 22:15 ish. I feel like i miss my me time lmao its been 3 days. I can still go on w clara but i dont wanna get myself sick

31 - simul osce in the morning. Osce study with clara almira. Cicil osce alone. Played my phone at 10 pm even though i still have mental clarity post matcha latte -___-

1 note · View note

concentrateandpush · 4 years

Text

Like Mother, Like Daughter

At 38 weeks pregnant, Kat didnt really want to travel all the way across town to her extended families home, but it was a family gathering and they'd been invited so she felt obliged to go. It's around about an hour and three quarter drive and with Joe's company, it would surely pass time. She barely fits behind the wheel and gets tired super quick so Joe offered to drive the car, plus this would give Kat time to read her birthing plan for the thousandth time.

Only having to stop 7 times for Kat to pee, they finally arrive at the house gathering. Joe, the gentleman that he is, opens the door and supports Kat to get out. As they walk in they get the usual comments "One baby?! Surely it's wrong, you're huge!", "You look like you can barely walk!" Oh and Kats favourite "You just look like you need to lay down". Despite sitting down for the whole trip, Kat is exhausted and just needs a lay down and her aunt escorts her to where they'll be sleeping, the bed looks super comfy and Kat cant resist taking a nap in it.

Just like any family gathering, there has to be an argument. Kat wakes up to the sound of shouting and a sharp pain in her lower abdomen, she decides to get up and expects the pain wont happen again and goes downstairs to see what the problem is. Amongst all of the arguing, she notices that her cousin Anna is crying.

"What's going on Anna?" Kat questions.

"I messed everything up, they're all mad at me and now I have nothing, Callum left me this morning and now they want me out" Anna cried.

"Why? Why are they angry with you?" Kat asks whilst tucking a stray of hair behind Anna's ear.

"I f*cked up ok. I didn't think missing one pill would cause this, Callum never used condoms anyway, I just thought that if I took it most of the time -" Anna stops mid sentence and cries into her hands.

"Sweetheart, are you pregnant?" Kat asks softly, followed by a shy nod from Anna. Kat instantly grabs Anna and holds her tight in a warm reassuring embrace. "You're going to be fine, whatever it is that you want to do I'll look after you, you know that!" Kat assures her.

"They think that because I'm young I cant look after my own baby, it's my baby not theirs, I wont do anything wrong and il try my best and -" Anna snaps.

"Anna, sweetheart, you dont need to convince me that you can be a good parent, in fact, I think you'd be a great mom, age is irrelevant, yes? Now, own what you want and tell them you're keeping your own baby" Kat instructs Anna carefully. At this point Kat is feeling upset and somewhat nostalgic. After all, she remembers being that age and falling pregnant herself, she didnt have the support that she needed like she could provide for Anna.

Suddenly, Anna's mom runs up to Kat and screams "This is your fault, you bread it into her that you can have sex at any age and it be fine". Kat sharply replies "She's of legal age Mandy, she can do whatever she wants". Enraged, Mandy replies "You set off the cycle, you know you were her age when you got pregnant the first time". "You were pregnant before?" Anna asks, feeling almost safer because someone else had been through it that she could talk to. Ignoring Anna, Kat screams at Mandy "Yes I set of the cycle, I gave birth to the most perfect daughter 16 years ago and she was ripped off my chest and put into the arms of a -" Kat feels a familiar stabbing pain in her lower abdomen "Get Joe, please, go get him" Mandy sends Anna to fetch Joe and whispers "You would never have been able to take care of Anna the way I have, I've given her everything and more. I am not having her make the same mistakes you made".

Joe runs over and settles Kat "What's going on? Is the baby coming?" He asks, looking at Kats, now red, face. "Yeah, he's coming, I need to talk to Anna" she mutters as breathes through the pain slowly. "Are we telling her?" Joe asks, "She deserves to know. I'm bringing her home with us Joe, she wants to keep her baby and I know Mandy won't let her, shes too - nghh, crap I need to get to a hospital".

Joe calmly says to Kat "Okay sweetheart, we have time, your waters are still intact, lets just breathe this through and we can calm down and talk with Anna first".

"Talk with me about what?" Anna anxiously questions. "Okay, Anna, 17 years ago when I just met Joe, we were young and naive and we didnt know much about anything, we knew we loved eachother, we truly did, we decided we were ready to have sex and I wasnt on birth control yet, but we just thought one time would be fine" Kat stops because shes now having one contraction on top of the other and Anna, almost knowing where this was going asks "What does that have to do with me Kat?" Mandy listening in shouts "You better not tell her Kat, I'll f*cking kill you, I swear". Anxious to say anything, Kat gets the courage to say something shes wanted to say her whole life "Anna, the baby I give birth to all those years ago, was you and I want you to come with me, back to our home, you can keep your baby and we can help you raise it, if that's what you want, you'll see your mom whenever you want to, I'll never be your mom, but just a mentor, a guide of sorts".

"You f*cking whore, you're vile, you couldn't just let it be could you, get out of this house, get out of my life, I dont want you around here" Mandy pushes Kat towards the door and with the last nudge, Kat feels a warm, slimy liquid form in the crotch of her jeans, "Joe, my waters" she panics. "I'm coming, wait, I'm coming too" Anna runs out having grabbed her essentials.

Kat is labouring slowly and is in a state of panic, she feels most comfortable on all fours however, the concrete path to Mandy's home doesnt feel as soft as she would like. "Come on Kat, let's get in the car, you can go in the back and lay down, let's get to the hospital" said Joe, "I'll help you, I need to learn how this works anyway" said Anna.

Laying in the back of the car on a make shift blanket cushion that Joe put together, Kat is panting as fast as seems possible with Anna guiding her "In and out, in and out, hee hoo hee hoo". Joe watches from the front of the car as they drive down the motorway, both of them feel the baby must be born in the hospital they've gone to throughout the pregnancy. "Do you know what dilation is?" Kat asks Anna wishfully thinking, Anna replies "No but teach me". "Put your fingers inside me, see how many fit in comfortably, do you mind? If you dont want to, just say" Kat says, but with out a second thought Anna inserts her fingers and says "They all go in, you're open wide, I think the head is close".

Joe panics as he knows this means baby is close to being delivered, "Okay sweetheart, am I going to deliver this baby? Or am I putting my foot down until we get home" he asks. "Nggggggh, I cant, hee hoo hee hoo" Kat says whilst trying to give the best answer she can. "Just keep driving, I'm here" says Anna.

They drive a further 10 miles until Kat is clearly overwhelmed, "Joe pull over I need you" she instructs. The car windows are covered with steam and theres a musky scent through out the car. Joe jumps in the back and Anna stands behind and watches as he feels around the head confidently, "You've got a few pushes and you're going to crown, you're definitely fully dialated" Joe says.

After pushing for a good half hour, Kat is now dripping with sweat, shes a bright pinky red all over and is in tremendous amounts of pain "nghhh ahh I cant do this, ahhh ooooh" she screams "I'm not strong enough in this position, I need to squat, the head is stuck here" she quickly jumps up despite her bulbous figure and suddenly becomes in full control "Honey I need you to rub around the head to loosen me up, get me something I can put around the seats to pull on so I can push as hard as possible. Anna, sweetheart, come here and hold me back so I dont tip forward, I need to get her out".

"Nggggggh ohhh, oooohh OOHH, f*ck she's crowning right? You can see the head right?" Moans Kat.

Joe replies with a crying tone "Yes, her head is peeking, you're doing amazing, just carry on going, push baby, harder.. there we go harder again, Kat, Harder!".

Whilst all this is happening Anna is realising this is her in her foreseeable future, seeing her biological mother do this to her sibling empowers her to feel she can do this, she can push her baby out too.

"I cant. Get the. The head isnt coming. Ngggh. The head is stuck I'm telling you, I cant ah errh NGHH" Kat huffs and puffs, until eventually the head pops out and is touching the car seat, she becomes so tired of this position and decides to swap again. Lying on her back this time, she has one foot on each headrest and Joe is sat in the front ready to catch the baby.

"Okay just the shoulders now sweety, that's all you have left and she's here with us, she has your hair, keep doing what you're doing Kat, push come on, bare down as hard as you can now, it's the last big push" Joe cheers her on as she holds Anna's hand and squeezes it tighter and tighter.

"Oh f*ck, she's coming down, I can feel the. Crap. Oh god. Nggggggh, hoo hoo hoo hoo, ahhhhhh" Kat cries whilst panting and then out comes her baby with pints of amniotic fluid, 11 pound 8 ounces. Kat and Joe cry whilst holding their brand new baby and they look up at Anna who softly says "Um Kat, would you deliver my baby for me?".

24 notes · View notes

blookmallow · 4 years

Text

i found a SICK CAVERN and some GIANT MUSHROOMS and also, like, the actual plot, i guess :’)

---

WHAT????? RED?????? RED??????

how fucking big is this cavern i came in here through alftand and now im ALL THE WAY DOWN AT THE BOTTOM THERE

it didnt feel like i walked that far but OK :’)

apparently this is where soul gems come from i tried mining it and got gems?? it never occurred to me to wonder where soul gems come from but there u have it

ive never seen this anywhere else before

fsdjflsg id been quietly exploring this cavern seeing no signs of life that weren’t falmer or charus...es for ages and then i practically backed into this guy WHERE DID YOU COME FROM

i cant figure the falmer out, they seem to be essentially Monsters but have at least enough intelligence to make weapons and huts and sometimes they have servants??? i thought they were just taking humans/elves/whatever to make them work building stuff or mining or whatever but im getting actually Attacked by these guys. why do they have loyalty to the falmer like this. is it a thrall thing like with vampires???

is it a cult???

ok that definitely wasn’t red before

i walked away from it and looked at it again its definitely green from a distance but red up close?????? what

THERES GIANTS IN HERE TOO??

ive never seen a giant in a cave before what is going on in here

oh fuck it’s happening

ooooooooo

hmmm. what have you been up to, septimus

also doesn’t his name mean something like “seventh sign.” that feels important

hhuh

for some reason it never occurred to me that these were all variants of elves

outside the altmer/bosmer/dunmer i mean. i didn’t really think about the fact that they all have the same word ending but now that i think about it i vaguely remember reading something about the word “mer” in one of skyrim’s books somewhere and i think i didnt understand it at the time

the fact that the falmer are apparently some kind of elf species unsettles me a lot

WOAH HANG ON why am i being a vampire now

something something the blood of the elves can open the magic thing i guess lmao

i havent gone searching for falmer yet but i got most of these... generally about as ethically as you can harvest blood, :’) found a dead high elf someone *else* killed, found dark elf and orc bandits who attacked me first anyway, the only one i got stuck on was bosmer and i got tired of waiting to stumble across someone already dead/couldn’t find bosmer bandits so i finally ended up killing a hunter since i figure thats at least not a Named character but i still feel bad about it

not that i have any reason to feel bad about any of this considering i am in fact the leader of the dark brotherhood :’) but

soRR Y EXCUSE ME WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT

OK,,

OH IT’S YOU!!!!

i like how every single daedra quest seems to be variants of “my last servant is no longer useful to me go kill them” lmao im sure this won’t be a problem for me in the future in any way

i dont want to kill septimus but i mean. he’s at least pretty old, i guess,

i feel like of all the daedra ive met medea’s very likely to become actually devoted to hermaeus mora

the pursuit of Knowledge is her biggest drive

#lucy plays skyrim

5 notes · View notes

adlexegam · 4 years

Text

please tell me, am i in the wrong?

so basically i decided to join here cause i at least know my post wont get removed here. i tried posting my story on reddit’s AITA but my post kept getting removed because on their posts you cant post about abuse. so fuck it, here i am, hoping for someone other than my bf and myself to tell me im not wrong. context:i decided to invite my boyfriend over without telling my parents, i did it max 5 times. i was 16 at the time and he was 18. i got caught and my punishment was to get my phone taken away, my number cancelled, im no longer allowed to drive a car or get my license, im only allowed one friend, im not allowed my laptop anymore, im no longer allowed outside without constant supervision, cameras were installed in and out of the house, and just about every day since december of 2019 ive been getting told how disgusting i am for wanting to be with a n****r (my bf’s half puerto rican half white, i’m half hispanic and half white too), how if he was white he would have come to the front door and shook my parent’s hands and asked for permission to date their daughter, how im a dirty n****r lover who will get pregnant from him and have to slave away to take care of our half breed mistakes, how if i stay with him he’ll sell my body on the streets for money, how if i have sex with him ill get every std on the plant, all that 50′s bullshit. ive gotten pregnancy tested (im celibate), drug tested (mom claims she smelled weed in my room, so he’s a dirty n****r drug dealer apparently forcing me to do drugs, guess what i am against drugs since i know itll change my brain chemistry and i have weak lungs),and std tested (still celibate). for the first few months after they found out i was allowed my laptop at home to do homework, and only allowed my phone during school. one day i got home and i got greeted to the fact that i no longer have a laptop and now have to use the house computer to do all my work at home. of course i got mad because for months ive been doing everything they wanted, and suddenly im being punished for being suspiciously good? my mom got on top of me and fought me to take off my backpack to take my airpods too, left my phone on the kitchen table. i grabbed my phone and locked myself in my room. she found out i took my phone, and once i unlocked the door i held my phone above my head so we can just talk. instead she got on top of me and started scratching me and all over my arms to get to my phone. i dropped it from the pain of the scratches on my arms. earlier that same day i was getting ready for school with my laptop open, camera taped over, looking for any school assignments i missed. my mom unlocked my door and saw my nude body getting ready with my laptop open, and just went back to the kitchen table and told my dad how much of a slut i am and how im posting my nude body on the internet. i quickly put on clothes and came up to her yelling how im just getting ready for school and how theres tape over the camera. i even told her to look at the laptop, the only thing open was google classroom. my dad got up and started yelling at me for being a slut and for talking back. for once i finally got tired of being yelled at, i finally stood up for myself. he punched me in the face and when my mom got in between to defend me (she caused the whole situation), his swings went back in on her stomach. i screamed dont hit my mother and tried to push her off him, he used the oppurtunity to grab my shoulder by my uniform and punch me in the shoulder. everything was a blur after that. my mother drove me to school and yelled how i shouldnt have been a whore on the internet. i fought back. before i got to school i yelled “please, just fuck off”. this is important later, because she used me saying that as the excuse for her getting on top of me and scratching me and ripping my backpack off my back. because i swore at her. it was okay. but here’s the important part. he hit me in front of the camera. i knew the police would ignore the emotional abuse ive been getting for my entire life. i got my physical evidence. finally, after 16 years, i had my evidence. i told my boyfriend what happened, and we agreed to meet after school the next day and call the police. i wanted to be emancipated, since my parents adamantly agreed that i (apparently) only wanted to be emancipated because my ‘poor street rat n****r boyfriend’ was manipulating me into it. ive been dreaming of this day since i was 8, when i realized what ive been told wasnt normal. they showed up on the corner of where i called. i told the policemen what happened to me the day before. they asked if i had any scars or bruises. i said no, he didnt punch me hard enough to get a bruise the next day, and my mother didnt scratch me hard enough to get scars. they knew what would happen if they gave me physical evidence. after i said that, the policeman interrogating me asked me something that will stay with me until the day i die. “he never really hit you, did he?” i began crying and saying yes! yes he did! i have video footage to prove it! we have cameras in the house! it happened right in front of the cameras! more questions ensued, and i was brought to the police station while my boyfriend waited at a local coffeeshop for me to finally be free from the abuse. at first i was scared, but the cops calmed me down. i told them everything. all my memories spilled from my mouth like water from the niagra falls. everything came rushing out, my fears, my forgotten memories i forced into my box of never to be remembered, the times before i feared for my life, the times i knew something wasnt right. i told them everything from the bottom of my heart. they listened and asked all the right questions.(if you want to know what happened to me and what i told them, ill post them in a future post if anyone cares) one of the officers, the only one with melanin skin and a father to a beautiful girl, expressively felt sick from my stories, from my life. not even he could understand why, as a father, why any parent would find it right to do to me what they did. he was my favourite police officer, he was the kindest and the only one who really wanted me to feel comfortable. he talked to me on the level of a person, not a child. eventually cps came and he told me to tell her everything too. i did. she asked where i wanted to go if i got emancipated. i said to live with my boyfriend, his family is willing to take me in and once i get a job ill pay minimal rent so i can be free. she said ‘no, you cant live with a minor.’ i said he’s not a minor, he’s 18. she said ‘oh, then yeah you definetly cant live with him’ she said if i wanted to leave i would be put into a women’s shelter since i was too old to be adopted/put into foster care. she said i would be r*ped if i was put in there. she said i should just take it until im 18, then ill be fine. she said that there were no scars or bruises, so it wasnt that bad. (this part is blurry, the more i remember it the more the memories overlap, im sorry for any confusion) the police interrogated my parents. they believed every word they said. my mother used whitepages as a source to prove how my boyfriend lied about his name. my mother used our hours long calls to prove how im obviously being manipulated to lie. she said how im just a liar, as my father said, a pathological liar. they had no cause to me being a pathological liar, i was just born that way. i was lying to get into my manipulative boyfriend’s arms for my body to be used by him and his friends. i was obviously being manipulated, why would i want to leave my loving parents arms? i was obviously doing this just out of anger of getting my laptop and phone taken away, obviously. its not like they EVER did anything wrong to me, they were just teaching me to grow up a mature adult, ready for the world. they would never put their hands on me. the police never looked at the cameras. they never questioned me again. i was a liar. at home the child protective services lady said my room quote ‘ranked of weed’. i have never done weed. my boyfriend has never done weed in my room. at the station they said they couldnt find a record of my boyfriend. i later found out that, even after he gave them his social security number, they still questioned his existence. at the station they told my parents they couldnt find his record (he has none, hes never committed a crime). at home a therapist came. to my knowledge, my boyfriend was never real (no record) and i would still have to be at home. i wanted to die. the therapist said she wanted to take me to a mental hospital. my mom was there and consented. my dad later came home, yelled at me in front of the therapist. she said im suicidal, with his consent she would call her supervisor to take me to the local mental hospital. he consented. while she called her supervisor from across the kitchen, he said: “she wants to kill herself? fuck if i care, she can drown herself in a river for all i care” i sat there shocked. the mental hospital was a blur. once i got home i got my phone taken away too. my only communication would be from the 10+ year old computer we have in the kitchen. facing out so anyone that walks by can see what im doing. one of the cameras is watching me at all times, but is positioned so that it cant see what i am doing. once i got home i used our kindle fire. i logged into discord on incognito mode. i asked him to send me his birth certificate. was he even real? was i even real? was our late nights of cuddling nothing? were the walks in the park nothing? were the ‘i love you’s nothing? did meeting his family from an hour long train ride mean nothing? were the chinese food dates nothing? were the confessions of our embarassing secrets nothing? were the times we had non-vaginal sex and laughed in the middle from how silly we were being mean nothing? were the times we had tiffs and talked it out mean nothing? did he save me from my ex-abusive partner just to use me? were the times we layed down next to each other with the only covering being my blanket, staring at each other in wonder of how lucky each of us were, was that nothing? when we spent hours telling each other our entire life stories, was he lying? did the times he called my body the most beautiful thing he ever has seen, the times he’s said he didnt think he’d ever fall in love again from his ex, was that a lie? he sent his birth certificate. it was real. his birth date his name it was all real. he told me what happened to him. i told him what happened to me. he apologized for it going the way it did. i apologized for doubting him. child protective services sent a therapist me and my mother had to meet with weekly. 2 hours, 10 times. it lasted until the first weeks of quarantine. me and him are still in the same love we’ve has since before he found out how truly insane my parents are. the only reason we’ve ever gotten into fights is from how much he wants me to run away (before you say ‘ok maybe the parents were right, he sounds manipulative’, no, he only says that after every time something else happens at home and how he has to cope with the fact that im okay with being abused since its my normal. he wants me to run away from the abuse, not just so we can see each other again, so i wont be hurt anymore). he’s still the man i want to marry, the man i want to call mine and for him to call me his. we get scared the other might get tired of the waiting and just decide to leave for someone each other’s family would like. we talk through it. we know we can wait. i know i can take it until im 18. he knows he’ll be prepared to take me in once im 18. we know we can take the late nights awake, missing each other. we can take it because this isnt puppy love. this isnt purely passionate love. he wants me to be safe, and i want to finally be free. so you’re up to this point and you’re probably thinking one of three things: jesus christ can this lady capitalize anything?? or holy FUCK this is long it better be good or why did she title her post that? first of all, i do what a want nehenehenehneh second of all, whoever reads this needs the full context before i ask my question third of all, because of what happened a couple of days ago. a month ago my dad passed from covid-19. ive become the housewife while my mother has taken over the family business and my brother does the grass once a month. my mother still cooks, but i clean the dishes and fold laundry every day and vaccuum the whole house twice a week. a letter came in the other day stating how our child protective services case is now closed. they never found signs of physical abuse or neglect. my mother reminded me for the infinitieth time how stupid i am for getting manipulated. how much of a dirty n*****r lover i am. how i will never be anything without her. then she brought my father into this i started the situation, which made him depressed. he was depressed, so he couldnt fight off the virus. because he couldnt fight off the virus, he died. she blamed me for killing my father she blamed me for my father for deciding to go out every day without a mask for my father deciding to put in his eyedrops in an insanitary environment she blamed me it was my fault i knew i was leaving when im 18 i knew i wanted to tell my mother at least a month before i left that i was leaving but now theres no going back once im 18, im gone im never turning back i will never be treated like this or talked down like this ever again but who will clean? who will vaccuum? who will make sure the house is organized? do i stay? can i even go? i just dont know anymore should i go? and well, what i started this post with, please tell me, am i in the wrong? for planning on leaving when im 18? to finish this post, i just want to say a few things. dont tell me to call the police or child protective services.i already did. they believed my abusive parents and told them how they can protect themselves against me, since i was the one who started all this. plus, look at the fucking news. no fucking wonder they believed my parents. my boyfriend looks hispanic and i look white. no fucking wonder they believed my parents. fuck cops. not all cops are bad, but no cop should fucking gun down people for their race. no person should be judged from some racist person saying “oh im fearing for my life” and the person in question is black/a poc and is doing fucking nothing. they believed my fucking abusive parents because they threw my bf under the bus as bait and the police went for it. dont come after my family. all that will do is make everything worse for me. my mother can’t even look at a poc without claiming they’re related to my boyfriend and are going to follow her to kill her. dont do anything to me. just please answer my question. please just tell me if im in the right or if im in the wrong. i know this is abuse. i know whats happening to me is wrong. but i know i can take it. i know i can survive. i will survive and achieve my dream of becoming a doctor. i will be my own person. i am me

#numb #mental illness #abuse #trauma #sad #sadness #abusive #hurt #depression #acab #amitheasshole #aita #deep #emotionalabuse

3 notes · View notes