#i dont understand what youre telling us but i think thats my fault and not yours because you broke it down really well!

[gibbearish]

u ever have to back out of a drama explained video bc ur like. i agree that that person was in the wrong but the way youre presenting them is just unsettling

[animereaderinsertwriter]

had some thoughts about Naruto characters and the question, "would you love me if I was a worm?", coming to you live from my roommate's text thread

Sasuke: would you love me if I was a worm

Sakura: you ARE a worm, deadbeat. come pick up your kid from school

Sasuke:

Sakura:

Sasuke: do you. love me. then?

Sakura: yes. please go get sarada.

Sai: I do not understand this. Why have you not asked me this yet?

Ino: asked you what?

Sai: if I would love you if you were a worm. Do you not want me to love you if you were a worm?

Ino: what-- no? I mean, yes! I mean--

Sai, calculating: so.... you want me to love you as a worm?

Ino: uh yeah ig?

Sai: I would not.

Ino: oh...

Sai: worms are not beautiful. or smart. they are only worms.

Ino: 🥺🥺

Temari: You would love me if I was a worm. I'd be the best worm ever, and you'd be a sucker just like you are now.

Shikamaru: Yes I would. You're already the best worm and you're not even a worm.

Temari: Good. Just making sure we're on the same page.

Shikamaru, visibly shaking: yep.

Iruka: this is a dumb question.

Kakashi: I love dumb questions. You look hot asking them.

Iruka: ..... would....would you love me if I was a worm?

Kakashi, without hesitation: of course. you'd still be you, and besides--- I've never had sex with a worm before

Iruka: Kakashi no.

Kakashi: seriously, I think it could work.

Iruka: Kakashi--

Kakashi, eyes glazed over: I'm pretty sure there's got to be a worm jutsu that would allow us to experiment....

Neji, trying and failing to be nonchalant: Hey Tenten?

Tenten, looking up from her training: Yeah?

Neji: I would love you if you were a worm.

Tenten: ?????

Neji: You know. Just in case you were wondering.

Neji *blushing*: I would.

Tenten, not understanding, but pleased nonetheless: Thanks babe ❤️

(bonus)

Sakura: Hey Naruto, earlier Sasuke asked me if I'd love him if he were a worm.

Naruto: but he IS a worm.

Sakura: That's what I said!! But... It got me thinking.

Naruto: that you would love me if I was a worm too?

Sakura: no! I mean, yes I would-- but, I was thinking more if I was a worm. Like. Would you still love me?

Naruto: uh, sure!

Sakura:..... That doesn't sound very confident.

Naruto: listen, I just --

Sakura: no I get it, you just don't love me

Naruto: THATS NOT WHAT I SAID

Sakura: no it's okay, you've always liked Sasuke more--

Naruto: SAKURA-CHAN, NOOOOOOOOO

BONUS bonus

Later:

Sasuke gets home. Naruto is in his room, sobbing. He's holding a tiny worm.

Sasuke: what the fuck are you doing?

Naruto, tears streaming down his face: ITS SAKURA-CHAN

Sasuke: what did she do????????? Is she okay?

Naruto: NO, SHES A WORM

Sasuke: WHAT

Naruto, becoming increasingly more hysterical: TODAY SHE ASKED ME IF I WOULD LOVE HER IF SHE WERE A WORM AND I CHOKED AND DIDNT ANSWER FAST ENOUGH SO NOW SHE THINKS I DONT LOVE HER SO SHE TURNED HERSELF INTO A WORM AND SHE WONT TURN BACK NO MATTER HOW MUCH I TELL HER I LOVE HER WHAT IF SHES STUCK THIS IS ALL MY FAULT--

Sasuke, visibly panicking: okay. Let's not panic. She's a sannin-level shinobi. She just wants us to feel bad. She'll change back when she's ready.

Naruto: BUT WHAT IF SHES STUCK

Sakura, who has been outside the window the whole time and watched Naruto find the worm in the kitchen: I love those morons so much-

[sucker4sixx]

Relight my fire

Pt.3

Plot: i love you

Warnings: rebounds (?)

You wake up feeling groggy, laying on nikkis warm chest, your eyes drifting up to see him smoking, his eyes red with the hangover. Nikki never liked to smoke in his house but i guess rules were made to be broken. “Morning sweetheart” he smiles at you, stroking your hair and placing the cigarette in your mouth. You take a quick few puffs and pass it back “morning nikki..” “did we fuck?” He asks blandly, knowing its a ‘no’ but wanting to catch you off guard. “Oh my god, no. Im asleep here because i was comforting you about seeing beth” he nods, your explanation making more sense.

“She looked gorgeous last night.. like a princess” he mutters, his eyes not leaving that one spot in the wall he focused on to make himself not cry “sometimes i wonder.. if i had took the news of her cheating better and not done it back.. where would we be now” his eyes go all glassy “well.. youd probably be trying to fill the void that you once felt was filled by her because you knew she slept with another man” you suggest.. “probably, yeah” he falls silent, snubbing his cigarette out and cuddling you even closer, needing the affection. You run your hands through his hair as he closes his eyes “i just dont understand.. maybe im not perfect but i gave her everything i had to offer.. i put my job on the line for her too many times” he frowns, sighing, you kiss his forehead softly “its not your fault she couldnt see what a handsome, loving, sweet man she had..” you scratch his scalp gently “but now she does.. and i dont know what to do” his bottom lip trembles alittle.

“Nikki she wont treat you any different to what she did, it wont go well if you go for her” “i know, but i miss it.. i miss waking up every morning to my wife and making her breakfast and seeing her at my shows.. i just miss the feeling of being so utterly adored, now i feel like im nobodys.. somebody.. you know?” You tilt your head, trying to understand what he means “im no ones special person anymore.. i have no one that feels complete with me and that i feel completed by” he holds back tears as you scratch his scalp. Nikki was your ‘special person’ and it hurt knowing he didn’t recognise that. “Nikki… your my special person..” he looks up at you, smiling softly “sweetheart thats sweet but.. dont tell me stuff to make me feel better” “im being serious nikki.. i mean it, since ive been here ive just felt so complete” he sighs and moves down to kiss you softly again but you move back “your still in love with the your wife nikki..” you frown and get out of his bed, moving to the living room.

He comes into the living room awkwardly ten minutes later, his face alittle red “do you want breakfast?” You look up to him and nod, smiling “ill get a fry up going” he pats your shoulder and makes his way to the kitchen. He returns with two plates of a classic english fry up and sits beside you, both of you eating silently but thinking of the same thing.. his wife.

“Im sorry..” you start, Nikkis head turning to you “for letting myself become a sort of.. wife model to you.. that wasnt my intention” you search his eyes that sadden “no, i shouldnt have used you as a rebound..” he sees your eyes sadden this time “but its not like i dont have feelings for you, your the most gorgeous woman i know.. your personality is just amazing and you smile is unbelievable-“ “nikki your doing it again” he goes quite, it wasnt even intentional “i cant help it..” he whispers. “Nikki i dont wanna be your rebound, i dont want to be with you so you can forget temporarily but when you’re bored im going in the trash-“ “i wouldnt do that!” He exclaims, feelings frustrated that you think hes capable of hurting you so badly “i wouldnt do that to you” he moves closer, you look up at his desperate eyes and he leans down to kiss you, both of your lips meeting softly.

He moves you back and his hand holds your head, kissing you softly “i wouldn’t do that” he repeats between kisses as you both make out, its filled with love thats been hidden for years.. this was bound to happen “i love..” you cut him off with a kiss “dont say it nikki.. please dont say it” you beg him, he sighs and frowns, watching your desperate eyes “dont shut me down.. i really do love yo-“ hes cut off by the door knocking, he groans and gets up, answering it to his ex wife, she smiles wide and hugs him, you watch in shock from the couch. As she kisses him you storm to your bedroom, even though they had a history your feelings for nikki were getting undeniable and hard to ignore.

Not even 20 minutes later nikkis walking into your room and crawling in beside you, you look at him confused “is she..” “yeah.. i sent her home” his arms wrap around you and he holds you close, his large hands stroking your stomach softly, you cant help but smile.

“I love you”

[tinytinyturttlesoup]

TMRS The Love Song Debate

"Dose every song you want us to do have to be about romance?" Mikey groans as he leans forward on the railing of the stage. "Little bro has a point Leo," Raph chimes in as he idlily rotates one of his drumsticks in his hand. "You've been make'n us sing alot of love songs lately. " Leo sighs looking up from the set list. "What's wrong with love songs?! thats practically half of all music ever written. Its not my fault that a majority of them are bangers. besides the fans love it." Leo slides over to Donnie resting an arm on his solder. "I mean one wink from Mr. bad boy over here during, Come a little closer will have anyone losing their shit. amirite don?" Donnie looks up from his phone, smirks and then flicks Leo between the eyes causing Leo to let go of Donnie with a yelp. "While I do agree I am in fact hot as shit. That's not the point, if we were doing this for sex appeal something from Nine Inch Nails would suffice. However that's not what we are talking about. Mikey is specifically asking why have you included a grand total of half of our set time to you spewing your puppy love stricken heart out to our audience because your boyfriend isnt here."

Mikey and Raph wince at the read from Donnie. Leo rubs the space between his eyes and huffs. "Not every love song I sing is about him. And also I feel like i should mention hes not even my fucking boyfriend " "Tell that to the amount of Mitski you've been listening to." Donnie chides as he looks back down at his phone. "Shut up!" Leo exclaims clenching his hands into fists. Raph places a calming hand on Leo's shoulder. "Leo, You gotta talk to him about it eventually. You cant keep throwing these hidden messages out to him thinking he eventually going to understand how you feel." "I second this motion." Mikey chimes in from the background.

"Like dude its starting to get painful to watch. Just have the fucking conversation with him already." Donnie chides from the corner

Leo growls and tears his shoulder away from Raph's hand. "Will you all just lay off!! I don't give a shit if Yuichi cares about me or not. I dont care! You know what you all win Ill cut the fucking love songs, we can run something from our old set list in Chicago, just don't fucking talk to me till the show." With that Leo storms out of the theater leaving the rest of his brothers with the heavy feeling of silence Leo left behind. Both Raph and Mikey turn to Donnie and glare. Donnie looks away and sinks into his hoodie. "Ok, maybe I could have worded that better." Mikey creeps up from behind and smacks him upside the head. "Ya think?!"

[sturniolo-mairead]

"Slut!"

LetsTripTour!MattSturniolo x Popstar!Reader

a/n: in this fic i dont use y/n, i may in some future fics if i cant come up with a name 😭🙏🏻 Hope you guys enjoy, its my first fic!

in which Matt Sturniolo announces his girlfriend of 6 months. Presley Evans, global popstar! Nick and Chris are shocked because they didnt even know. Shes on tour down the road from the triplets' tour. he has the camera footage that would be on the big screen of her stage. They decide to watch her tour on their screen and they figure out she wrote quite a few songs about him! they soon meet up at matts hotel room later on.

warnings: use of the word slut, like a lot 😭🙏🏻

Matts pov:

"Next question, 'does anyone have girlfriends or in nicks case a boyfriend' Well i'm very much single" my brother said. Shit. I've had a secret girlfriend for 6 months now. We have talked about going public. She said shes okay with it. It's just difficult because shes a global superstar! It's been stressing me out. I think i'm just gonna say it. I'll tell everyone here.

Presley pov:

Im about to go on stage. I talked to matt last night about going public with our relationship. It's kind of getting exhausting having to sneak around. I've been a target for slut shaming because of how many guys ive dated, but i got into the industry when i was 15! It's not my fault. My managers say it's good for 'traction' or whatever. I sent matt the camera footage that would be on the big screen of the stage. Im performing in a stadium tonight, it's my all stadium tour. I just hope he tells his crowd, thats coincidentally, down the road from the stadium. He could connect his phone to the screen behind him and his brothers and show them my show, but i don't know if he will. I understand his anxiety thats going to come with going public, especially him now going to have paparazzi following him and his brothers everywhere, and me. He's gonna be more worried about me than he's ever been before because of his female fan base, they'll send me death threats and hate, more than i normally get. It's not like I'm not used to it though. I just hope he does whats right for himself and how he's feeling. I don't want him to feel pressured to tell everyone because I am ready to.

Matts pov:

"Nah i'm still single, sadly." chris said. I stayed silent. I could just spit it out. "Matt? we all know your single" chris teased. "actually.. I do have a girlfriend." i spat out. "WHAT?" nick said, he was as shocked as he should be. "yeah, we've been talking and we think we want to go public. She is a celebrity," i went on, "her name is Presley, Presley Evans." The crowd went wild. "SO ALL THOSE TIMES IVE SCREAMED HER SONGS IN THE CAR YOU DIDNT THINK TO TELL ME YOU WERE DATING HER?!" I laughed, "i guess not, I have camera footage thats om the big screen of her tour thats going on right now, i could put it on?" i suggested.

Presley pov:

"Presley! Time to go in 5!" one of my managers told me. "Okay! coming!" i say, Matt told me he'd text me if he told everyone, and he hasnt texted me. Im starting to lose hope when, Ding! i rush to check my phone. Twitter. Not matt.

'Matt Sturniolo comes out saying hes dating global superstar Presley Evans!'

holy shit. he did it. I laugh and squeal as i jump in my bedazzled heel boots. "Presley? what happened? are you okay?" my manager asks. "HE DID IT!! HE TOLD EVERYONE!!" i scream and jump around and laugh. "Presley, are you serious?!" my manager says, she seems angry? "whats wrong?" "Presley! this could be so bad! you'll become a lightning rod for slut shaming!! His fan base is mostly girls, they'll be angry! You could be in danger! You didn't even ask me if it's a good idea!" My manager yelled. I hate to say it, she was right. I probably should've informed her i would do this. But she is not allowed to shit on my relationship. I wanted it to go public. "Listen, Trina. This is my relationship. I know where you're coming from, a place of worry. But i know i've been through worse. You were with me since i was 15, you know how strong i am. I appreciate the worry, but let me do my thing. Ive been hiding my relationship for 6 months. Putting Matt in the shadows. Im done doing that. I love him. Thats never going to change. Let me do things- no. Let me and Matt do things our way. Now i have to get to the stage. Thanks for the input." I finished. I walked away, I had on my white bedazzled heel-boots with my skirt that was tied on one side up, showing my whole thigh. the rest barley covered anything which was good because i had on a white bodysuit under. I had on a corset top. It was all white, the whole outfit. I looked amazing, i checked myself out as i walked past a mirror. I heard music start up, somebody came and handed me my mic as i walked toward the piece of my stage that moved up and down. I stood in the center preparing to go on.

Matt pov

I put on her show on the screen. I hear music start. Just in time. Everyone's eyes are glued to the screen. I look around, nobody recognized the opening notes.? I didn't either. As far as i know, theres no songs about me. As far as i know.

"Flamingo pink"

I really don't recognize this song, i feel terrible that i don't.

"sunrise boulevard, clink clink. being this young is art."

"who do you guys think this song is about?" nick asked. I know of all her exes. They all treated her like shit. I am determined to be different. I think this is a love song? she has some love songs, then breakup songs after because they put her through hell. I'd never do that, I will never.

"Being this young is art Aquamarine Moonlit swimming pool"

This could be anything, we're both still very young. Shes 20, Im 19. I turn 20 soon.

"What if all I need is you?"

So it is a love song.. i wonder which ex it's about? Maybe Johnny Orlando? (no hate to Johnny Orlando fans just needed an ex lmfao 😭) We all just stand and admire her. She looks gorgeous. Fucking beautiful, How do you fumble her? Shes like a goddess. "Maybe this songs about you lover boy" Chris says, jesus christ i hate that fucking nickname. "shut the fuck up chris! And i don't know, i don't know if she has songs about me" I say, I wish she had written a song about me.

"Everyone wants him,That was my crime The wrong place at the right time. And I break down, then he's pullin' me in. In a world of boys, he's a gentleman"

she always refers to me as a gentleman, she always says everyone wants me too.. "HOLY SHIT!" I scream, i didn't mean to, i just did. "What?!" nick said, "THIS SONGS ABOUT ME!!" "BITCH WHAT?!" "oh my god" i say.

Presley pov

I open with "slut!", a song about matt. I never tell him any songs a write about him because, well, theres a lot. I don't wanna seem creepy, but constantly writing songs about one person could be taken that way. I hope he catches on though. I always say everyone wants him and I always call him a gentleman. "And if they call me a slut. You know it might be worth it for once. And if I'm gonna be drunk. Might as well be drunk in love" I finish the song. I don't know what matts thinking, i don't even know if he was watching, i put on my best show nonetheless, just in case he was. I didn't want to disappoint him. Should i tell the crowd the songs about him? Maybe i will. "Hello! and welcome to the "Slut!" tour!"

A/N

cliffhanger! Okay so i've had this idea for a long while now i've just never gone through with writing it but i finally have! This gonna be a series and it's gonna be like every song she performs is a different chapter! This chapter is "Slut!" and thats also the name of the album! I've taken songs that already exist and made a whole new playlist/album type thing! Each song will be a surprise as the next chapter title! In total im thinking 19 parts as there are 18 tracks and then 1 extra chapter for after the tour when taylor and matt meet up 😉 I'll also be working on making my masterlist so you guys can easily access this series! See you next time 💕

[sockiestupidity]

desc: miggy and reader bond over catholic guilt🤭

warnings: probs religious trauma, (possibly) bad spanish and bad writing, bad dialogue, ooc miguel (probs), panic attack, VERY SOFT MIGUEL LIKE ACTUALLY IM NOT EVEN OVER EXAGGERATING

VERBAL READER?????

you were roaming around spider society as usual, finding comfort in the unusual ambiance. as you walk to miguel's office to turn in your reports (lab?? room?? idk) you feel slightly off but are unsure as to why. as you enter the room you're met with miguel's back. you snap to get his attention.

he turns around "I've been expecting you for a while. Do you have the reports that I asked you for?" he looks at you expectantly, raising an eyebrow slightly.

you hand him the papers and watch as he sifts through the papers. he lets out a satisfactory hum "perfect." he pauses for a moment, setting the papers aside "are you free? i'd like to give you some pointers, your hands on combat is still sloppy" he explains.

your monotone expression changes to one of shock, surprised that miguel wanted to offer you training. you begin to rack your brain, you knew you were supposed to go somewhere, but you weren't sure where. all you knew was that something was wrong. you hesitantly nod, still having a slightly off feeling as you do so.

your brain makes a sudden realization, tuning out the world as you begin to panic somebody is trying to speak to you but it sounds muffled, as if you're underwater. you watch as the blurry figure approches you with worry.

"hey. look at me for a second" the voice speaks out. you dont respond as the figure attempts to console you. "Mírame por favor. Mírame" strong large hands grip your shoulders, attempting to bring you out of your daze.

"Escucha mi respiración" you hear calm breathing and attempt to match the steady breath. you let out a choked cry, feeling a pain in your chest, a tear rolls down your face "shh shh. Escúchame" your breathing begins to calm "that's right, you're doing so good" he praises you as your breathing starts to steady out.

you look up, eyes meeting his face "m-m sorry" you manage to get out. your lip trembles. you couldn't believe that this was happening infront of the man who was basically your boss.

you watch as his face softens, and he speaks once more "it's not your fault" he reassures you. you begin to walk away from him, ready to leave "wait" he pauses, grabbing your attention "do you-" he hesitates "do you want to talk about it?" he asks you.

you look at him in surprise. you take a shaky breath and nod. he pulls out a chair for you "go ahead, sit" he offers. you're still in shock, having never seen miguel act like this. you take the seat.

"go ahead, whenever you're ready. you can take your time if you'd like" his chair is turned to face yours.

you nod and take another breath. "so um. i dunno. i guess i just. i just freaked out thats all" you try to downplay the situation at hand. your voice is small, not used to talking to other people.

he frowns slightly "what..what led to that?" he asks you, wanting to get a better understanding.

you shrug in response "realized that i forgot that i was supposed to be somewhere today" you respond vaguely.

he gives you an expression that tells you that he knows you're not telling him the full story.

you let out a heavy sigh "um-i uh.. i was supposed to um attend church today and i..forgot" you admit.

his face contorts into a surprised expression "i didn't know you were catholic"

"i mean, not really. my parents were though" you look down at your feet "you know, it's kinda funny, theyre gone and i still feel guilty when i dont go"

he hums in understanding "i was raised catholic too" you perk up at his words "we're more similar than you may think" he smiles sadly "you're not bad for not going to church, okay? plenty of people have done worse. you shouldn't be attending out of fear, you should be attending if it's something you want to do and enjoy"

you hesitantly nod, still feeling terrible about the situation. you wipe away your stray tears.

he suddenly gets up "i wamt to show you something" you quirk your head in intrest "come on" he gestures for you to get up.

you nod and follow him. you find yourself in an elevator heading up. the both of you end up on the roof of the building.

"sometimes i come up here to have a bit of thinking time to myself" he explains as if he could sense your confusion"there's so many things ive done in my life that..i think god would be displeased with, and i often find myself thinking that maybe all of..the stuff that's happened in my life happened because of what i did. whenever i start thinking like that i come here" he looks into the skyline

"if you ever start feeling like that, i want you to come here, close your eyes, and take a deep breath" he speaks in a fatherly tone. you nod.

something about being in that space felt therapeutic to you, and you felt comforted by a sense of familiarity "thank you"

he looks at you softly "of course" you then bring him into a hug. his body stiffens for a moment but then embraces you in return. "you can talk to me if you're having these kinds of thoughts again, okay?" you nod and just let him embrace you. the both of you let go and just stare up at the sky in silence. you close your eyes and let yourself feel the wond brush against your skin.

A/N: not my best work but i had to get this idea out of my brain😮‍💨 anyways i rlly hate this qnd will probs delete later lol

[mxnkeydo]

feel free to scroll past this bc its sort of long but i need to get some things out

so my parents just. like. they're so annoying. im not allowed to be on my phone, EVER, and when i get two minutes to pick it up they're like NO YOUVE BEEN ON IT TOO MUCH like i literally only used it for five minutes today??

i cant talk back, EVEN when they've got the entire story wrong and when i do tell them theyre like your fault, should've told us sooner. they scold me for the simplest of things, like accidentally spilling water. like, if my dad spills water my mom doesnt say anything but when i do she lectures me on being careless?? i know my dad has more "power" than me but we're both human beings and we both make mistakes, do we not?

the other day when i was going to bed, my mom made me clean my room from 9:30 to like 10 because "one book in my shelf was out of place" and "your clock is not facing the right way" and then she proceeded to dump all my clothes on the ground and make me fold them again, THEN criticized me when one fold was off, and then she got mad when i got upset because of that

and when they tell me to "not care about how other people think of me", i get it. they're tryna look out for me. but that's the thing, I CANT NOT CARE. my mom was a teenager too once, i dont know why she cant understand. i have to be athletic, good at school, the PERFECT daughter and student, but i can't be a try-hard or a teacher's pet. they get mad when i eat too much and they get mad when i eat too less. i honestly don't know what they want from me

i cant wake up at 5:30 for school and take an hour to get ready and i cant get up at 7 and take thirty minutes to get ready because "one hour is way too long to get ready" and "thirty minutes is not enough time to get ready", i cant leave without eating breakfast and yk what's for breakfats every morning in my house? grated carrots and cucumber hunks in yogurt, every single day without fail, because its "good for my skin" and then they get mad at me for wanting something else because im "selfish" and "greedy" for having cravings.

after my basketball games my dad gives me advice. thats fine. but then he sounds like he's angry with me and im too scared to tell him to sound a little gentler. i drove to my basketball game today with my friend's mom and her mom was so gentle with her advice i was like. damn. so that's how its done with other families. and when my dad gives me advice my mom starts jumping in with absurd comments even when she knows nothing about the game? and she's like, "if youre not doing well drop out why waste our money" like canot i enjoy something i do without being good at it??

man. im just tired. and exhausted. and annoyed. any chance im offered to get out of my house i take it. urgh.

[helluvabossrewrite45]

Hello, I just wanna say that your scene rewrites are amazing. Seeing Stars has got to be one of my favourites.

On the topic of Octavia, I agree that Viv and her team missed an opportunity with Via. To me in the context of the narrative, Octavia can be a tragic character that is screwed over by the writing. It is implied that she takes after Stolas with her love of astronomy as their form of bonding. Yet, she slowly watches her father drift away from them and is probably wondering if they—she even matters to him. You’re just watching a parent that you had a close bond to just leave you behind because they found someone else that captivated their interest. On top of the divorce that is currently going on would leave a child feeling doubtful.

I also just never understood why the writers want to keep having her being mad at her dad, even though they say that Stella has clearly been ruining the family, yet it’s his fault? Half the time the writing seesaws on Stella and Via’s dynamic because the only time she does care is when Stolas is there and…I get that could be counted as gaslighting, but the character lacks subtlety that it’s hard to tell when she’s always yelling. More often she doesn’t even care for her with two episodes implying this.

I just in general feel frustrated with this family because either avenue could be interesting if the writers took it seriously enough but they don’t and instead choose spur of the moment scenes that we have to use as jigsaw puzzle with some pieces not fitting because world building barely matters.

Sorry for the ramble. You’re version or fix it is probably one of my top favourites for the characters because I can definitely see the use of the loosely outlined jigsaw puzzle. Have a nice day/evening.

Thank you anon, im glad you like my rewrites

I agree 100% with via, they did the same thing with moxxie to her, that being repeating the same arc again of her being mad at her dad but forgive him in the end. It kind of shows that just like moxxie, they didnt know what to do with her which is a shame because the small details she has are there to be fully explored, but they never explore them. Like her and music, she oftens listens it even at the dinner table and with stellas reaction to the cheating affair, we can peice a puzzle of her doing it as a coping mechanism; escaping her problems through distraction. And with seeing stars main plot is around via running away to see a meteor shower, it would've been perfect to explore that side of her along with more knowledge of the family in general to piece this puzzle their giving (like the relationship with her mom, her uncle, the rest of their family, how they react to the situation, how their currently dealing with it, etc...) through flashbacks (since the whole point would've been that these issues wont go away no matter how much you try to ignore them) And yes, her closeness with her father drifting away is definitely tragic and its sucks that it wasnt futhered explored, especially with the entire goetta situation as a whole since were in season 2 and we dont even know how they reacted to it. It makes me wonder why even give us these pieces to solve properly if its so little that it makes it pretty impossible without theorizing from any vague info we have and thats not how problem solving works.

And yes, its odd that shes only mad at stolas but never to stella. I mean, i get she would be on her moms side because of him cheating but still with how stella is written, you'd think she'd hate her too. In this rewrite, stella would actually be subtle in her abuse to stolas in a way where you can still recognise it but also understand why other (like via) wouldnt. An example of this would be my first post where her and stolas confront each other about the divorce, the quote; '-or did you forget? Like you always do?'. Its meant to showcase her most common tactics, shaming. From her background (that i'll explain further in her own post), she oftens picks up things from her family, which shaming is included. She would shame stolas whenever he makes a mistake or does something she doesnt approve of (like if he wore a suit she didnt like, she would say; 'you know were meeting your family right? You think they want to see their son of royalty in that sort of wear?' or them arguing on how much time via should spend on her astronomy lessons; 'Shes going to be a future you and what, you wanna just, make her lazy, huh?!' (or even 'I didnt think you'd care that less for your own daughter....') See these are what you could recognise as shaming but also understand why people may not consider it so, potentially using excuses like 'oh shes probably right because its royalty/she just cares about looking good enough for her family' or 'oh she just cares for her daughter and her future' (ironically enough, those are kind of what fans AND the show itself use as an excuse for stolas lmao) but just because via doesnt recognise stella's abusive tendencies, doesnt mean she isnt upset with her. She very much is, mainly with stella's aggressiveness as stella developed anger issues throughout her life and didnt have anything to help it. Via hates it whenever stella yells because of course she would be, no one likes angry loud noises! Its just that unlike with stolas, shes not as open with her frustration to her mother because shes genuinely scared of her from that aggression that makes it much more harder to truly express her feelings about her, instead keeping it to herself along with her feelings towards how the rest of the family is reacting to it given that it just feels too much for her to be involved in. So the reason why shes only open on being mad at stolas is despite what he did, he's the only one she feels safe in being mad about (I mean, she does have andrealphus as someone safe to an extent though he's very dismissive of telling her whats going on with the goetias and definetly doesnt take being wrong well like stella so hes not much better) that way, it'd be more understandable and futher peice the puzzle of their family and their dynamic. Family itself is quite complicated because of the nuances it has behind it and i wanna incorporate that to the goetias were their not fully evil but tend to care about their statuses rather then whats right in front of them (that being them as a family) since i think its interesting to explore and wouldve suit stolas, stella and octavia really well.

No need to apologise for rambling, i like getting asks of peoples thoughts/ideas on helluva. Hell look, im rambling too. I hope you enjoy the future rewrites i have in store, have a nice day/evening too

[prestonmonterey]

hey so im v curious about like reality shifting and stuff but idk much about it and i have some questions

hii ok

im like

a bit eepy

but ill try to make my thoughts make sense

so

(forgive me, i wanna learn more about shifting and the community, but all of my knowledge comes from inherently critical sources, so im sorry if i come off as rude or anything, im not trying to be i genuinely want to learn more about this)

reality shifting

to my understanding

is like...kinda a combination of fiction/fanfic and dreaming.

and it stems from the idea of the multiverse?

and the idea. that you can exchange your consciousness with someones from another timeline/parallel universe

and usually this happens when youre dreaming or begins when you sleep

so

(also plz correct me if im wrong on any of the stuff above)

now onto question stuff

i think its pretty important, that like. a lot of the stuff ive seen around shifting and like, response to any criticism is basically like 'youre the only person holding yourself back" like, anyone can shift, so if you cant its your fault

and on one hand i guess this could be motivational? like as long as you try hard enough its possible?

basically i want to make sure it isnt hurting peoples self esteem or mental health

but also. i. had a similar experience with lucid dreaming when i was a kid. my mom had a phase about lucid dreaming and was telling me all about it and was like 'you should try it' so i did. i tried. over and over. to somehow just 'realize' i was dreaming and take control. it never worked for me. and my mom was like 'well i guess youre just not trying hard enough'

and it was really disheartening bc ive always had trouble with sleep (might have like. insomnia or something. ive never been able to sleep well through a full night even before my life was consumed by screens.) and ive always had extremely strange dreams. and in my waking mind of course i know that if my teacher turned into an octopus with an apple for a head (yes this did happen in a dream) i would definitely notice and be like 'hey, thats not right' but it doesnt work like that in dreams. in my dreams it kinda feels like my impulses control me and i dont have any sense of self or logic.

and it felt awful to be told that it was my fault that i couldnt do it.

i also know that lucid dreaming somewhat ties into shifting so thats one of my other concerns, bc ive never been able to lucid dream and i dont know if i ever will

also idk where to put this but like. safety is important to me. i have friends who shift and i want to make sure they arent like, actually at risk of dying? and even seperate from that im wondering if people use this as a form of escapism too often that it becomes unhealthy and like negatively affects other aspects of their life

next question: is there proof

of course theres going to be anecdotal evidence from individuals in the community, and thats super alright. but sometimes people make things up. and sometimes people tell made up things to young, impressionable children who carry those falsehoods into life. and im worried about that

ok so ive read like 1 artice about this all. but immediately it brought up a major red flag for me. it gave an example of a study on shifting. but. it didnt cite its sources

and if anyones wondering that is a huge no-no. anyone can make up conclusions from made up studies. the point of studies is to show that people who are properly educated and know what theyre doing support these claims.

now im not saying shifting is made up in any way. it just seems sketchy to me that seemingly widespread sources talk about studies but theres no links or anything. theyre basically saying 'i saw a thing about it. just trust me.'

also uhh...idk much about the multiverse. but from what i understand. it comes from the idea of free will. and that every time anyone makes a descision, a parallel universe is created where they made a different descision. so i get that that could change a lot of things about the world like the rate of inventions and industrialization and wars and stuff. but really the shifting that ive seen most is into more fantasy leaning worlds. and im kinda wondering how thats possible in the multiverse? like sure theres infinite timelines...but most of those timelines will just be like. the same as this one but samantha chose to put on her right sock first instead of her left sock or something. and physics still applies, right? so how does hogwarts exist? does hogwarts exist? if magic is real in a parallel universe, is it real here?

so basically to sum it up my main questions are:

how do we know shifting is possible for everyone?

is it safe? (mentally, physically etc)

is lucid dreaming necessary?

is there any proof or credible source that i can look to for more info?

and how does this tie into the multiverse theory

also if anyone has any information about scripting and like evrything about reality shifting that would be great

i wanna learn more but im afraid of finding misinformation

ty :3

[hayleythecannibal]

Twisted Minds: Act II- Chapter Fifteen

TW: Crime scenes, Gore, Crying, Implied Death, Malpractice, Lying, Realization, Flashbacks, suspicion, Murder

Warning this is Fem!reader. You can also find this on Wattpad and A03 under the name @HayleyMarieOfficial. Comment if you want to be added to the taglist.

Taglist: @punkin-time @miaowkitty @gabriella-aesthetic @urlocalfanficwriter @dilfdemolisher

Twisted Minds Masterlist

BSHCI - THERAPY HALL - DAY-

“I've lost the plot. I'm the unreliable narrator of my own story.” Will sits across from HANNIBAL and DR.Y/N L/N, who stand behind a white line on the stone floor. Despite the defiance  Will showed Hannibal when he last visited, he is more civil. He appears wrung-out. Haunted. “I'm trying to place myself somewhere in the frame of my mind and I have no bearings. No landmarks to tell me who I am.”

“You have an incomplete self. We are who we are in the now and we are the sum of our memories. There are pieces of you... you can't see.” I say gently, Will chews on his words before muttering: “I'm afraid to see. I don't know who I am anymore and I'm afraid.” 

“Without remembering, you're seized by something imagined. It has the brilliant immediacy of a childhood fantasy and is just as real.” Hannibal says, Will hangs his head, trying to contain his emotions. “I don't know what's worse. Believing I did it or believing you did it... and did this to me.” He finally glances up at Hannibal, eyes brimming. I look at Will with a soft sad expression. I have to keep the act that i believe Hannibal is innocent in all of this.  But its hard when you know the person you care about most is hurting.

Reminds me of when i was young….Mother always said i was the little butterfly who knew too much. Thinking back to where and who i am now versus what i did and who i was then is deafening. Not because i was a teenager, because quite frankly i was a very emotionally and mentally mature person back then. But Because of my actions. I would’ve done anything to protect my Mother before i knew what she was really doing. Maybe thats why I grew attached to Abigail Hobbs….Because she reminded me of well Me. 

“Hannibal's not responsible, Will. And neither are you. We have to get to the truth of what happened. It's the only way you can move forward.” I lie, Hannibal is at Fault but will he ever admit it to anyone other than me and Will, Highly Unlikely.. Will forces himself to confront despite overwhelming emotion. “I felt so betrayed by you. All that felt real to me was the betrayal. I trusted you. I needed to trust you.” Will says to Hannibal, if i was him- lets not even go there. “You can trust me.” Hannibal says With earnest. Will winces, feeling the burn of wanting to believe Hannibal. “I'm... very confused.”

“Of course you are. Ideas and perceived experiences have the same effect on our minds as tossing a rock into a pond. It all ripples. Just dont throw the rock at the glass house of our hearts. It will shatter.” I say softly,  my voice barely audible. “Don't trust blindly.” Will nods slowly, understanding my words. He stands up and walks away, leaving Hannibal alone with his thoughts. “Let us help you, Will. Let me help you.” Will clenches, holding his feelings at bay as he admits: “I need your help.” 

He's finally overcome with the emotion and can no longer hold back the tears now running down his cheeks. I watch helplessly, desperate to make him feel better, deperate to hold him. But Hannibal, Hannibal watches curiously...

BSHCI - CELL BLOCK - DAY-

Will is led in shackles down the long corridor by a GUARD and a NURSE. Will's head is hung low, clearly still emotional from the confessional meeting with Hannibal and Y/N.

BSHCI - WILL GRAHAM'S CELL - DAY-

The door CLANGS shut and the guard and nurse step away. Will weeping quietly as the guard's

footsteps recede down the hall and end with a CLOSED DOOR. Once alone, Will's weeping ceases almost immediately. His face going cold and calculating... a game is afoot. And Y/Nis his player….

HANNIBAL LECTER'S OFFICE - WAITING ROOM - DAY-

BEDELIA DU MAURIER lost in pensive thought as she waits. Finally, Hannibal OPENS the door. “This is a pleasant surprise.” Hannibal says with a soft urprised expression. “May I come in?”

HANNIBAL LECTER'S OFFICE - DAY-

Dr. Du Maurier ENTERS, followed by Hannibal. She takes in the space. She smiles faintly, something clearly on her mind. “Please. Sit.” She doesn't. “I won't be staying long.”

“I'm curious. What couldn't wait until our next session?” Hannibal says as he looks at her with curiosity. “We don't have a next session. I'm no longer your therapist.” Bedelia says bluntly, she knows he can take the hit. Hannibal pauses, an imperceptible wound. “May I ask why?” Hannibal asks with a clenched jaw. “I reached the limit of my efficacy. I don't believe I can help you.”

“Are you giving me a referral?” Hannibal asks wry, “I'm not. I'm just ending our patient - psychiatrist relationship.” Bedelia says, uncomfortable in the postion he has put her in. “You tried to end it before.” Hannibal points out, he studies her carefully. 

“I'm grateful for your persistence with engaging me after my attack. However, in light of all that's

happened with Will Graham, I've begun to question your actions. Particularly, what you might do with Dr. Y/N L/N. And Particularly, your past actions with regards to me. And my attack.” She says calmly and within reason. “Did you share these questions with Jack Crawford?” 

“No. Nor am I going to. I would look just as guilty as you. And perhaps that's what you intended.” Bedelia says with fear softly entering her eyes. Though it might have always been there when it came to Hannibal. “What exactly am I guilty of?” He asks with a slight tilt of the head. “Exactly, I can't say. I had to draw a conclusion from what I glimpse through the stitching of the person suit you wear. And the conclusion I've drawn is... you are dangerous.” She says with trembling confidence. She knew better than to tell anyone what she knew he was capable of. 

“I'm sorry you feel that way.” She studies him one last time, then: “Please don't come to my home again. I'll show myself out.” She moves to the door, opens it. Before she steps through: “I'm resuming Will Graham's therapy.”

“To what end? Besides your own.”

“He asked for my help.”

“Then maybe you deserve each other.” And with that she leaves. 

BAU - MORGUE - DAY-

Roland Umber’s body lies on a slab. BEVERLY speaks across it to JACK CRAWFORD. JIMMY PRICE and BRIAN ZELLER are there. Me and Hannibal are there as well, silent and observing. “His name is Roland Umber. Has the same profile as the other victims. Lived alone, disappeared from home, large dose of heroin in his system.” Jimmy says as Zeller leans forward to see around Hannibal. “Only major difference is the eyelet punctures are all uniformly torn.” Zeller says as he indicates the torn punctures on Roland Umber's body.

 “This victim wasn't unstrung. He was ripped from his moorings.” Jack says with crossed arms, I stand beside Hannibal, calmly gazing at the body.“Whatever his imperfection, it was enough to aggravate the killer into tearing him down.” Hannibal says gazing at the body with curiosity leaking out of the essence of his soul. “He was discarded in a tributary four hundred miles away from anything that feeds into the dam where the first victims were found.” Bev says with slight confusion.

“Like dandelion seeds, casts bodies in every direction but his own.” Leaning forward, Zeller finds Hannibal is in his way again. Hannibal steps back and bumps into Beverly. I lean on the empty morgue fridges with arms crossed. This body is different, I dont think he was an Imperfection at all…

“We know they're dead when they hit the water. Their lungs are dry. But the buffeting in the current causes so many postmortem injuries, you can't tell them apart from the ones they got when they were alive.” Zeller says as Beverly gently guides Hannibal to a more strategic spot.

“There may be trace evidence preserved in the craquelure.” Hannibal points out, i think he likes playing the role of my partner, or more so the role of Will Graham. “The what?” Jack asks confusedly.  Hannibal points to a series of TINY CRACKS IN THE RESIN.

“It's French for the cracks that appear on an oil painting as it drys and becomes rigid with age. Cracks are not always weaknesses. A life lived accrues in the cracks.” I say for Hannibal, polietly dumbing it down. He gazes down upon me with a slight smirk. Like he was proud or amused.

 “Could be something in there. Fiber, debris, might help track where the bodies were before they got dumped.” Jack is still puzzled by:“What do the victims have in common?” Jack asks as Beverly displays the victims' PHOTOGRAPHS on a table. “What if it isn't what they have in common. What if it's what makes them... different.” Bev suggests. 

On the table, the victims’ PHOTOGRAPHS -- and Roland Umber's --are arranged as Will and I did to feature the victims as --“Each of these people has a slightly different flesh tone. It could be like a color palette.” Bev says, it causes me to smirk.  I know where she’s going, i with the confirmation of Will, created the fucking theory  Jack, Jimmy and Brian stare at Beverly, not sure where she's going. But Hannibal is. He nods, thinking.

“The color of our skin is so often politicized, it would almost be refreshing to see someone revel in the aesthetic for aesthetic's sake. If it weren't so horrific, We're supposed to see color, Jack.

That may be all this killer has ever seen in his fellow man. Which is why it's so easy for him to do what he does to his victims.” Hannibal says, “Which is why there will be a lot more bodies on his color palette.”

“A fascinating insight, Ms. Katz. It's as if Will Graham himself were here in the room with us.”

Jack turns his scrutiny from the photos to Beverly herself. “Yes, it is.”

BAU - EVIDENCE PROCESSING - NIGHT-

Hannibal stands over Roland Umber's body. At the back of the room, Price and Zeller are busy at work. Hannibal swings a metal arm holding a magnifying lens and asks: “May I?”

“Knock yourself out.” Zeller shrugs. His eyes drift back to the CRACKS IN THE RESIN-COATED SKIN. A notion floats behind his eyes and takes purchase. He leans in and very inconspicuously SMELLS the craquelure on the corpse’s wrist without drawing anyone's attention. His nostrils flare as he draws its scent. The craquelure is almost as if an alien landscape. Suddenly, the chemical compounds that create the scent become VISIBLE, forming TINY SPROUTS in the

cracks of the resin that begin to grow.

Hannibal stands upright after being bent over the body, looking through the magnifying lens. He considers the craquelure of the corpse and smiles almost imperceptibly

BSHCI - THERAPY HALL - DAY-

the THERAPY CAGES to find Hannibal running his shoe over the line of tape on the floor. Will sits on a stool in the belly of his own therapy cage. He has resumed his act of wounded bird and it remains authentic. “I've been advised to stay on this side of the white line.” Hannibal says with slight amusement. “Select patients have taken to urinating on the therapists. The stone you’re standing in front of? If it were wood, it’d be warped.” Will says with amusement in his own eyes. 

“I would argue, drawing a line might encourage a pissing contest.” Hannibal suggests with a soft smirk. “I'm not interested in a pissing contest with you, Dr. Lecter. Please. Pull up your chair.”

Hannibal scoots his chair across the white line and sits.

“You said the light from friendship won't reach us for a million years, that's how far away we were. I hope our friendship feels closer today.” Hannibal says gazing up at the Caged Will Graham.  “Friends have a symmetrical relationship. Psychiatrist and patient, that's unbalanced.” Will says, The power imbalance is something to always take note of when dealing with Dr. Hannibal Lecter. “There is a power differential between psychiatrist and patient. One that I'm well aware of, particularly with my own therapist.” Hannibal points out. 

“But we're just having conversations.” Hannibal smiles, seeing a glimpse of the old Will Graham.

“You threatened me with a reckoning.” Hannibal says, remembering the day Will Graham changed. “I did. I can't claim unconsciousness on that one.” Will says with a quick raise of the eyebrow. “You were searching for something in your head to incriminate me. I can only assume you didn't find it.” Hannibal says inquiring, but i don't think he really thinks Will could find anything at all. “Not much in there I recognize.”

“Whatever you remember, if you do remember, will be a distortion of reality. Not the truth of events.” Hannibal says, Will could almost laugh at it. “I'm realizing that.” Hannibal studies Will, inscrutable as to what he sees. “Beverly Katz has come to see you.” Hannibal questions with curiosity. “Yes.” Will doesn't say anything about Y/N because he wants her to be the least suspicious person at the BAU. 

”Does she show you pictures?”

“Yes.”

“Wouldn't want Y/N to worry you're dwelling on anything morbid in what's to be a time of recovery.” Hannibal says, almost guilt tripping Will. “It's the only thing that feels normal.” Will admits truthfully. “The violence?” Hannibal asks with a slight tilt of the head. 

“The structure of understanding the violence. That feels normal.” Will says his cold gaze never leaving Hannibals. “You're missing pieces of yourself. Careful what you replace them with. What did you see in the pictures?” Hannibal advises. “This killer. He's not stringing his victims up. He's stitching them together. Every body is a brushstroke. He's making a human Mural. But Y/Nalso saw the same thing probably even more.”

“Why does he do it?”

“Y/Nsaid He's missing pieces, too.”

BSHCI - WILL GRAHAM’S CELL - DAY-

Y/N and Beverly stand on the other side of the bars, holding an abridged file of photographs and forensic data. “Dr. Lecter has advised me against dwelling on anything morbid.” Will says with sarcasm, I roll my eyes and continue towards the bars. “I know you want to stop these  murders as much as we do.” Bev says to Will.“Reasons to stop multiple murders do occur readily to me, but I'm going to need something in  return.” Beverly stares at Will, curious what game he's playing.

“There are things you don't have. I can talk to the chief of staff.” Bev says thinking Will needs something materialistic. “Chilton?” Will asks with a raised eyebrow. “He's being very cooperative.” Bev says, boy if she only knew What Chilton really acts like whewwww….

“Of course he is. He loves when I have visitors. He's recording every word. He's gossipy that way.” Will says with obvious annoyance towards Chilton. “He’s always been that way. What do you want, Will?” I ask  Equally annoyed with the overly flirty and obnoxious Psychiatrist. “I'm wondering if you can get me the thing I really want.” Will says with curiosity “Try Me.” Beverly says confidently.  “I want you to ignore all the evidence against me.” “You're right. I can't get that.”

“How many more colors is this killer going to add to his box of crayons?”

“Say I were to ignore the evidence against you, what then?” Beverly asks calmly, “Strike it from your mental record. Start over. If I'm guilty, you'll find more evidence. If I'm not guilty, maybe you'll find that too.” Will says as he leans closer to the bars of his cell. “All right. I'll keep looking.”

“Good. Let me have the file then. I'll tell you what I think.” Beverly puts the file in a tray, slides it through the bars. “Do you mind if I do this privately?” “Yes.” She places the folding chair against the opposite wall, sits.

He rips the envelope open, leaving torn edges where the staples were. He shakes BAU PHOTOS out of a padded envelope. Shots of Roland Umber at BAU. Will glances at Beverly

through the bars and returns his attention to the pictures. Will focuses on the photos and he CLOSES HIS EYES. A long beat before the AMBIENT CELL BLOCK SOUNDS are replaced

as the DRONE of Will’s BLOOD FLOW presides. He OPENS HIS EYES, glancing down at the himphoto in his hands, of Roland Umber's wounds. He lowers the photo to reveal Y/Non a metal table. We are --

BAU - MORGUE (HEIGHTENED STATE OF WILL'S MIND)

The environment is wrapped in shadow and mood. Will now stands over Caroline’s corpse on a metal table, Beverly behind him on the other side of the glass wall. Will stares at the RAGGED WOUNDS WHERE FLESH TORE AWAY FROM STITCHING. “Skin isn't as discolored as the other victims'. Looks fairly well- preserved, all things considered. Why would I throw you away?”

 BSHCI - WILL GRAHAM'S CELL (OMNISCIENT POV)

WILL’S GAZE to the ENVELOPE the photos came in. Its end had been STAPLED SHUT, but when it was opened and where the staples were removed, THE PAPER IS TORN. “Did Roland Umber have any priors with substance abuse?” Beverly watches Will standing in the middle of his cell, as if he's in the BAU, his back to her in the corridor. “He was in an outpatient treatment program for drug addiction.”

“Heroin?”

“Among others.”

BAU - (HEIGHTENED STATE OF HIS MIND)

Will studies poor Caroline, dead on the slab. What a cruel trick his mind is playing on him.

“Had a high tolerance for opiates, the overdose didn't kill him. He survived what was done to . He tore himself free. He ran.”

BSHCI - WILL GRAHAM'S CELL - DAY

Will finally turns to face Beverly and Y/N. “How did he end up in the water?” Bev asks Will, but i already knew the answer. “Killer didn't put him there. He'd have put him back in the mural if he caught him. Other bodies were dumped. Roland Umber got away.” I say as i look to Will. “Got away from where?”

“This killer needs someplace private to do what he does. A warehouse, a farm, someplace abandoned, upstream from where the body was found. It'll be close to the water.” Will explains, exactly what i was thinking.  “Thank you.”

“I'm curious. What'd Hannibal Lecter have to say about Mr. Umber?” Will asks causing me to softly snort out a chuckle. “He thinks the killer tore him down, dumped his body like the others.” I smirk and look at Will, knowing that we both know thats not necessarily what he thinks. “That may be what he said, but not necessarily what he thinks.” Will says basically reading my mind. 

FARMYARD - GRAIN SILO - DUSK-

A GRAIN SILO looms behind, a royal sentry in a bearskin hat. Hannibal, his CLEAR PLASTIC SUIT over his traditional three- piece, crosses the property. He walks along the field of corn, toward the grain silo. He approaches the silo and regards a steep METAL STAIRCASE on

its outer wall, leading to a silo opening twenty feet up. Hannibal sees mud clumped on the lower steps -- STILL MOIST. Hannibal turns his gaze UPWARD from the locked door and begins to climb the metal staircase. Hannibal reaches the upper opening. He steps into the silo’s upper catwalk.

GRAIN SILO - CONTINUOUS-

...the TRUE ORDER in the carnage on the silo floor. SEEN FROM ABOVE, the mass grave reveals its intended form and purpose: The bodies, with their variety of shades and positioning,

form a UNIFIED PICTURE -- the image of a huge, GLOWERING EYE.  A stern, unblinking representation frozen in resin and death. HANNIBAL Sees LIGHT come through the lower opening. A man -- THE KILLER -- enters with a lantern and a resin tank with a spray wand.

“Hello.” From the silo floor and behind the Killer who spins to see Hannibal in his plastic suit, watching from above. HANNIBAL with the utmost sincerity: “I love your work.”

FARMYARD - DAY-

A full-blown crime scene, populated by considerable local and state police presence. FBI PERSONNEL work amongst them. BODY BAGS have been lined up. Each pile flapping in the wind, weighted down with a heavy stone, ready to be filled. BEVERLY AND HANNIBAL approach the silo, navigating around the CRIME SCENE PERSONNEL and between waiting rows of body bags.

“You, Dr. Y/N L/N, and Will Graham are a good team. You gave us the "what" we were looking for. He gave us the "where." Corn dust in the craquelure.” Beverly says earnestly, “And Will's insight? And What does Y/Nbring to the team? “

“He didn't think Roland Umber was discarded. He escaped. We just had to go upstream from where his body was found until we hit corn. And Y/NGives us the Why…Her connection with others’ emotions along with what her and Will do with their imaginations….Shes the Triple threat…She can tell you the what, where, and why.” Beverly says with fondness of Caroline. Though Beverly does think that Y/Nneeds to take a break at some point. 

“We do make a good team.” They approach Jack Crawford near the silo and Beverly hands Hannibal off. Jack hands Hannibal crime scene gloves. “Dr. Lecter. Follow me. Might want

to prepare yourself. You haven't seen anything like this before.”

“I'm sure I haven't.”

GRAIN SILO - DAY-

Jack and Hannibal head inside, MOVING ACROSS the expanse of bodies like dunes of sand made flesh. Hannibal takes in the magnitude of the horrific display. Jack turns to see him staring, genuinely awestruck. “How can being human go so bad?” Jack asks the obviously rhetorical question.“When it comes to nature versus nurture, I choose neither. We are built from a DNA blueprint and born into a world of scenario and circumstance we don't control.” Hannibal Answers.

“Praise the mutilated world.” Jack says grimmly, “I do.” Hannibal glances around, up into the ceiling, wondering: “What does it look like from above?” Jack hands him an iPad. On it, a DIGITAL PHOTOGRAPH reveals the human mural from above. It's very clearly an eye. “Fascinating.”

“This feels ritual. In the vicinity of voodoo. Is it human sacrifice?” Jack asks The stoic Psychiatrist. “I'm not sure if it's an offering, but it's certainly a gesture.” Hannbal says as he gazes at the Image.  “To who?” Turning to the human mural, Hannibal points to the CAUCASIAn MAN in the fetal position at the center of the brown iris, one leg tucked under the other as if it has been amputated at the knee. We will call him the REFLECTED MAN.

“The eye looks beyond this world,into the next, and sees the reflection of man himself. Is the killer looking at God? A challenge of equals? "I can be as terrible as you. I can take and I can create."” Hannibal Inquires, “Sounds like human sacrifice to me.” Jack says with a raised eyebrow. Jacks Mind is very black and white. If there is evidence that proves someone guilty, he doesnt even stop to wonder if there was a possiblity of that person being framed. “Not to appease, but to defy.” Hannibal says as he stares at the mass grave. “Is it an existential crisis?” 

“If it were an existential crisis, I would argue there wouldn't be any reflection in the eye at all.” Hannibal says genuinely, “Someone who could do this... are they likely to keep doing it?” Jack says as he looks at Hannibal. “This could be his beginning and/or his end.”

“You said he doesn't see people. He sees... material.” Jack says as he furrows his brows.“Those in the world around him are a means to an end. He uses them to do what he is driven to do.” Hannibal says inquisitively. 

BAU - MORGUE - NIGHT-

The HUMAN MURAL is an ENLARGED PHOTOGRAPH.  it's mounted on an easel between the bodies of Roland Umber and Reflected Man, side by side on tables. “No record of fingerprints. He was never arrested, never had a job that required any kind of security clearance or background check.” Jimmy says as he looks at  the  VARIOUS BODIES are present in the BAU, not only in the morgue, but in the hall, on tables, gurneys, morgue drawers. “Hopefully he's been to a dentist.” Zeller says as starts to take imprints of the body’s teeth. “Why am I looking at this man?”

“Stitch patterns on John Doe Twenty-One match Roland Umber.” Beverly says as she indicates the lateral stitches on both John Doe Twenty-One and Roland Umber; both travel similar lines. “John Doe Twenty-One was Roland Umber's replacement in the mural?” Jack asks confusedly, “But bigger.” Jimmy says as he indicates the leg, amputated below the knee. “Too big, really. Killer cut off his leg to make him fit.” Jack studies John Doe as Zeller, Price and Katz look on.

“He changed colors mid-brushstroke.”

"The eye looks beyond this world, into the next, and sees the reflection of man himself." There wasn't supposed to be a reflection. “This killer was having an existential crisis after all. How did he find his faith?”

BSHCI - THERAPY HALL - DAY-

Beverly Katz and Hannibal Lecter sit side by side, the personification of good and evil working as one. In the Middle is Y/N, The literal personification of Chaotic Nuetral. Will stares back at them, saying nothing. “Now you're just taking advantage. You're going to burn me out before my trial and then where will I be?” Will says Blankly.  “Can't afford to let you burn yourself out for nothing, but maybe for something?” Bev retorts with a soft smirk.  “What would Jack say?” Will says as he raises an eyebrow. “Jack Crawford's excellent administrative instincts are not often tempered by mercy.” Hannibal expresses with a light smile. 

“Clearly. If you brought him as a psychiatric safety net, I've fallen through that net before. Y/N might be a better fit for that role for me. No offense.” Hannibal nods, none taken. I smirk and contain my laughter. Beverly cuts through Will's BS.

“I'm devoting a lot of time to this mural, Will. It's hard for me to focus on anything else I've been

tasked to do. Could use your help.” Subtle, but perhaps not subtle enough for Hannibal. Beverly

walks the crime scene photos over to Will. Will, getting the drift, begins to flip through the crime

photos, studying each momentarily before moving to the next. I drag my chair closer to Will. 

“During the nineteenth century, it was wrongly believed the last image seen by the eyes of a dying person would be “fixed” on the retina.” As Will finds the overhead photo of the eye. “What would be the last image fixed on this dying eye?” He takes a breath, exhales, He grabs my hand and then closes his eyes. I know what i saw but- i can never be too sure. I close my eyes and squeeze Will’s hand. 

A PENDULUM It swings in the darkness of Y/N’s mind, keeping rhythm with her heartbeat. FWUM. FWUM. Her eyes are closed. FWUM. The PENDULUM is now outside her

head. It swings behind Y/N, wiping away Hannibal, Will, and Beverly. FWUM. The PENDULUM swings and the CORRIDOR outside her cell PLUNGES INTO DARKNESS. FWUM. The PENDULUM swings and the floor under his feet goes completely dark.

The picture of the HUMAN MURAL FILLS FRAME reveals Y/NSTANDING IN DARKNESS. As LIGHT SLOWLY ILLUMINATES THE FLOOR AROUND CAROLINE, REVEALING DOZENS OF CADAVERS. We are --

GRAIN SILO - DAY (Y/N’S POV)- 

Y/N stands amongst the mural of bodies, still holding the photo of the carnage in her hands. FWOOM. The PENDULUM swings and the photo disappears. FWOOM. FWOOM. The PENDULUM STOPS SWINGING, snapping into place as Y/Nsnaps into focus. she turns, taking in the bodies.

“I made you pliable. Molded you. Set you and sealed you where you lay. This is my design. A dead eye with vision and consciousness.” Caroline, a large speck of dust in the eye, stares upward, searching for what the eye sees. What the eyes owner Feels. Hopelessness. Finality. 

“I am fixed and unseeing... unless someone else sees me.” Y/Nglances down at the Reflected Man in the mural. “Someone else has. They were here.”

HANNIBAL - BSHCI - THERAPY HALL (OMNISCIENT POV)-

Hannibal stands with Beverly, watching Y/Nand Will. He smiles an almost-imperceptible 

GRAIN SILO - (Y/N'S POV)-

Y/N steps carefully over the bodies until...“One of these things is not like the other things. One of these things just doesn't belong.” ...she is standing over the Reflected Man. “Who are you? Why are you so different from everyone else? I didn't put you here. You... are not my design.”  Suddenly, a NOISE from above causes Y/Nto look to the ceiling where a SILHOUETTED FIGURE watches from above, his antlers rising majestically into the air.

Y/Nnow lying NAKED, her LEG  MISSING, her body CONFIGURED into the opening in the mural where the Reflected Man once was.

A NEEDLE SUDDENLY PIERCING Caroline’s forearm and pulling THREAD through, drawing the length through. She feels relaxed almost like a pliant material.  She looks from the SUTURES through her arm to the one wielding the needle. The LIGHT SILHOUETTES THE FIGURE... until it SHIFTS and we see it’s HANNIBAL LECTER, eerily comforting. “Killing must feel good to God, too. He does it all the time, and are we not created in His image?” Caroline, immobilized, with a dawning realization...She looks up from the photo. We are now --

BSHCI - THERAPY HALL - DAY. 

Beverly and Hannibal watch Y/Nand Will, waiting for them to draw a conclusion from their process. Y/Ntries to gather herself together, knowing Hannibal is watching her and Will closely. “The killer is in the mural.” Will speaks first, I stare blankly as i push my chair back to its origin. “What do you mean? Literally?” Bev says as her gazes goes from Will to Me. 

“We mean, the man you're looking for has been sewn into his own mural. This man.” I say gently, my hand goes to my hair. A comforting thing ive done since i was a child. My Dad used to play with my hair to comfort me when i was upset or stressed. Something ive taken to doing myself ever since the incident when i was a 16. 

“What happened to his leg?” Bev asks confusedly, “Whoever sewed him in... took a piece of him. As a trophy. Question is, who sewed him in.” Will says as he watches my actions with a worried look in his eyes. “He must have had a friend.”

RIVER - DAY-

Will Graham fly fishing. He casts his lure and watches it land with a small PLIP that breaks the surface of the river. He shades his eyes from the sun, his gaze falling to the water flowing around his waders. A PALE BODY DRIFTS BY just beneath the surface. Will startles as a KLAXON SOUNDS. We are --

BSHCI - WILL GRAHAM'S CELL - DAY-

Will stands in the middle of his cell. Footsteps approach from down the hall and a chair SLIDES on the concrete floor. His eyes follow the action, “I don't know you.” The figure steps into the light revealing Bedelia Du Maurier. She sits across from Will “My name is Bedelia Du Maurier.”

“You're Hannibal Lecter's therapist. What's that like?” She studies him, somehow identifies with him. “I've heard so much about you and Your Partner, I almost feel as though I know you both.” Bedelia says as she gazes at one of the topics of the many conversations shes had with Hannibal. “You don't.” Will says with a wary eye. 

“No, I don't, but I understand you better than I thought. I wanted to meet you before I withdraw.” Bedelia admits, she understands his wariness she herself too is wary of her decisions. “What are you withdrawing from?” Will asks curiosly concerned. “Social ties.” Bedelia says numbly, It wont stop what or whos coming for her but it will slow them down. “You're a psychiatrist. Isn't our sense of self a consequence of social ties?” Will Questions confusedly. 

“It certainly is in your case. It may be small comfort, but I am convinced Hannibal has done what he believes is best for you.” Bedelia says gently, she doesnt just mean What Hannibal has done to Will but What he will do to Caroline. 

“That's not small comfort, that would be no comfort.” Will says with slight sarcasm. “You can transform this experience. The traumatized are unpredictable because we know we can survive. You can survive this happening to you.” Bedelia says with shaky confidence. “Happening to me.” Bedelia steps right up to the bars.

“Step away from the bars. Ma'am, step away from the bars.” GATE KLAXON SOUNDS as a NURSE and GUARD ENTER the cell block. Will Graham joins Bedelia at the barrier of his cell and she whispers so quietly she may be only mouthing the words: “I believe you.”

A nurse and guard approach from down the corridor. “Okay. That's enough. Come with us.”

Will stares at her, a wave of emotion washing over him as Bedelia steps away, gathered by the nurse and a guard and escorted back down the corridor. He begins to tremble. A great relief

having heard three simple words he's needed to hear from someone other than Caroline.

BEDELIA'S HOUSE - FOYER - NIGHT

THE SOUND OF A KEY IN THE DOOR Breaks the quiet. LIGHT SPILLS in as the door opens. Not Bedelia but Hannibal who enters with a key of his own in his GLOVED HAND. The transparent plastic of his bespoke CRIME SCENE OVER-SUIT catches the light of a distant streetlamp. He quietly moves inside, closing the door behind him. THROUGH THE ARCH OF THE LIVING ROOM Hannibal creeps further into the hall and asks the darkness no questions.

 He turns to the living room as  to reveal almost every piece of Bedelia's furniture is beneath a clear plastic cover. All the furniture has been protected against dust for an indefinite period of time. He takes in the shroud over the chairs. He walks the room's periphery, searching for some sign that she isn't truly gone. Hannibal pauses and sees something on Bedelia's chair. A CUT-GLASS PERFUME BOTTLE Hannibal takes in the shadow of Bedelia's fragrance and picks it up, considers it for what it is: a memento of friendship. “You’re not alone, you know…”

GRAIN SILO - DUSK (FLASHBACK)-

The Muralist is lying, unclothed, in his own mural. He is configured into the space from which Roland Umber pulled free. A SHADOW cast by the gas lantern moves over him. HANNIBAL Is in his plastic suit, kneeling, the syringe in hand. “In The Resurrection, Piero della Francesca placed himself in the fresco. Nothing flattering -- he depicted himself as a simple guard asleep at his post. Your placement should be much more meaningful.” The Muralist's face, increasingly complacent, clouds over: “It's not finished.”

“I'm finishing it for you. We'll finish it together.” He trades the hypo for a LARGE CURVED NEEDLE and FILAMENT. Hannibal LICKS the tip to thread latter through the former: “When your great eye looked to the heavens, what did it see?” “Nothing.” Hannibal glances up to the roof of the silo. “Not anymore.” “There is no God.”

“Certainly not with that attitude. God gave you purpose. Not only to create art, but to become it.”

“Why are you doing this to me?”

“Your eye will now see God reflected back. It will see you.” Hannibal leans over and begins SEWING the man down. “When God looks down at you, don't you want to be looking back at Him?” Hannibal sews. Blood flows. And sews. More blood. Then, incredibly: “Yes.” As the narcotic takes hold, his life ebbing away, the Muralist recalls their agreement: “What is it you wanted from me?”

“Only this.” Hannibal stitches the Muralist into his own masterwork, making Will And Y/N’s forecast come to pass. A valentine. And just as Will and Y/N intended.

[vexxandra]

intuitive messages from your person (really specific so probably not gonna resonate lol)

first time doing this! a bit of practice, since im not good with listening to my intuition. but were trying new things this new year. lool lets get started :D

m tellin u its like super SUPER specific ;D

pile one:

things that could have significance : genshin, but more specifically, wishing, debate clubs, when you wish upon a star, steven universe end credits (love like you), lavender or mint, milk, the name sofia?, sweaters or oversized clothes,  telephone (the song or the object), dial/tone, closet

hello dear. have i been away for too long? apologies, work is very hard nowadays and i find that ive been losing myself more and more. but ive been thinking about you quite a lot. especially at night. dreaming of you. ive been irresponsable, not answering your calls quickly enough and leaving things to pile up between the two of us. but please know that im working very hard and trying the best i can. you must be furious with me, and i can understand that. give me more time, and i promise i wont let you down. id never let you down. i love you too much to ever be able to do that. ive been losing sleep, and thats tiring because i get to see you when i sleep so i find that ive been taking meds more often to help with that. thats stupid, and id know you tell me the same. god, i wish you were next to me right now. then id fall asleep quicker than a light flicks off. music. ill speak to you through our favorite songs, and ill listen for things you say to me in yours as well. its time for me to say good bye though. know that nothing has changed between us, and i care for you as much as ever before.

signed, yours.

pile two:

things that could have significance: grocery stores at night, denki kaminari vibes honestly!!, mixtapes (like old cassette ones), guitar, dog or pets, crescent, artic monkeys, blasting music super loud, summertime, you get me so high - the neighbourhood, electric (or electric love)

gee, its really been a while since we’ve talked last. you’re my best friend, ill love you forever, yknow that? you’re super cool. cooler than popsicles on a summer day. cooler than penguins in the north pole. wait-- penguins live in the south pole? no one told me that?! hey! its not my fault, i never knew that. jeez... still teasing as ever, huh? sometimes i wonder how it would have been if i hadn’t moved away/transferred schools. we’d be tightknit! and we already are. there are so many stupid pictures of us in my camera roll that i jsut scroll through them when i feel like i miss you. nahh im just playing! i always miss you! we should totally hang out sometime soon! lets race grocery carts!

see ya! - your best friend

pile three:

things that could have significance: notebooks, preppy or academia aesthetic, fandom or into dnd, pearls or pearly whites, ‘shade’ colors (white, grey, black-- but emphasis on grey), 505 by artic monkeys, classroom, bunch of school imagery

dear you

why do you have to be so perfect? ive always been top of my class, such an overachiever, but with you, its like all of my accomplishments are suddenly fade away. you’re awesome like that, you know. stop letting your parents control your life. you’re a super smart person, dont let anyone EVER tell you otherwise. oh, and you can let your hair down too. im not gonna judge you, and plus, i think you look nice without your hair all tight like that. meet me at our spot. the spot that’s only ours. a place where we can just be ourselves. what? stop playing around, trying to get me to tell you again. what if someone sees this letter?! its just something between you and me, and i know i can trust you. id trust you with my life, pile three. im serious. stay the way you are. dont become a product of society. you’re absolutely perfect the way you are.

from, yours

pile four TW: Harsh truth! Please don’t read unless you’re ready and willing

things that could have significance: floating, or sinking(into a mattress, or in water), bath/bathing, milky way or space in general, being loved by a ghost, anxiety/confusion, salt or minerals. lots of comparisons here, so that could be something too. also francis forever - mitski and last words of a shooting star -mitski

this person didn’t have a letter to write to you. they were very blocky and choppy and took long pauses in between of answering. also, these are just sentences, so everytime there’s a period, its a sentence ending, and a new idea beginning

i dont need you. i have everything i need. so why are you here? what am i missing? what do i not understand? stop getting into my head. ive been thinking of you. you look nice. (dont) call me. please trust me, i can keep my promises. that, i can swear. bandaids cant heal my scars. sometimes i just want to fall asleep for a long time, and you cant stop or save me. they mean more to me than you. forever. i still care about you. they lied. im getting bored. you used to be the sun. what dont you understand? i still loved you. goodbye. (bonus message: they wont last)

[slut4thebroken]

Hey same anon that was talking abt your speech👋

Im not saying its your fault that people pick on you, its definitely not your fault that they're assholes. However you said your tone was the main issue for this and I still think that that is something that's controllable. Again not saying this like it excuses them cuz it doesn't but im saying while adhd isn't something you can control, things like tone can be controlled.

And I wasn't saying all this so that you could accommodate for people, I was coming from the perspective that you could accommodate for yourself. Like this whole situation with the mean classmates, im a firm believer in saying something so they dont feel like they can continue to display their bad behaviors. (Side note: I understand masking is telling you to basically copy these people but the people you're copying are rude so im not blaming you)

But my advice wasn't that you mask. I have a husband who suffers the same as you and he used to mask with me and pretty much everyone in his life. I understand masking isn't ideal and I understand that you guys think about every little social interaction. My advice was to be comfortable with yourself but also look more inward and think that maybe you are rude during those interactions. Obviously I don't follow you around everywhere so idk how these things go. But from what I've seen from my husband is being comfortable with yourself and communicating things thru does wonders for both parties to understand each other and being comfortable with yourself id say limits the masking.

Also I figured id give you an explanation on why I thought you were rude since you were confused. I understand you were self hating in the moment but things that came off as rude and like you resent people were things like your tags when you said "so they should know by now that I cant fucking control it and thats how I talk" (which I totally understand this my husband was a jerk when we met too. The issue socially is probably youre too literal. Its not an easy fix but it is fixable from experience but saying things like "I can't control it" is very limiting towards yourself.) The reason this is rude is bc its rude to you obvi but also in your mind it seems like you kind of subconsciously expect people to just tolerate these things when they are not normal to "normal people" (you can educate me on the correct term btw cuz I honestly hate saying normal ppl I just can't think of what the correct term is called at the moment, im not hating)

You also made assumptions that people immediately get annoyed with you or think you're annoying and there was something you said abt people not feeling the same as you abt certain things you like. 1. Making assumptions abt how people feel abt you is always iffy cuz you just came up with that answer yourself you didn't ask them. It kinda shows how you view people or what you think they think which is most likely not the case. 2. For the not liking similar things, im not sure if these people don't have similar interests with you at all or what but a lot of times in life its not gonna be common to find someone with the same amount of interest in something as you do. Not saying its impossible tho I just wouldn't put that pressure on people. Them being fake however is a different thing but I wouldn't know if they were being fake with you or not. There's a lot of gaps with this because we don't know each other but im not trying to be mean or hateful and im not saying all this like its definite, you could take it or leave it. But I hope there's no hard feelings i just 1. Mainly wasnt okay with how you were talking to yourself but 2. I also did think you were being a bit rude to just people in general cuz ive been there myself. Obviously were different people and im not saying our situations are similar at all but how I took it was that while you hate these things abt yourself, you were also blaming people for things that are (whether we agree or not) in your control. But I could be totally wrong and thats okay.

I hope this didn't come off as rude tho cuz I dont intend for it to be but if it was im sorry. Its not often but sometimes I see things I have the full intention of just being helpful but I end up being the opposite. I do genuinely hope that these issues don't continue to bother you up mentally tho. (Also sorry that these have all been lengthy).

Please enlighten me on how that’s controlable. If you were talking nicely to other people, just trying to engage in conversation and be a good friend, and people constantly said that to you, what would you do? If you’re already consciously trying to sound nice. What else is there to do?

And I was comfortable with myself. My parents stopped saying I have an attitude when I was just talking a long time ago, none of my long term friends have ever made it seem like something that was a huge problem, even my ex understood that I literally just sound like that. But now I’m constantly reevaluating every interaction, trying to figure out if I actually sounded rude or if I just thought I did, or if maybe they reacted a certain way because my tone didn’t match what I was trying to say. And I’m fucking tired. I don’t know what else I should do when I’m already intentionally trying to not sound rude other than just not fucking talk at all lmao which I just realized that I’ve lowkey started doing.

And I am too literal… that’s why I don’t pick up on things like I mentioned in my original post. There’s nothing I can do to train myself to not be literal so I’m not exactly sure how I would fix that. The term is neurotypical and I’m not saying they should tolerate it but when I quite literally apologize and correct my tone immediately after saying something that could be seen as rude, I personally think it’s a dick move to continue to be mean about it rather than just say “thanks for the apology. Good to know.” And I appreciate when people tell me that something I said sounded off because then we can fix the miscommunication and also I don’t want anyone to think I don’t like them because of that one interaction. But after having this conversation (“wtf. You don’t have to be so mean about it.” “I’m sorry, I wasn’t trying to be mean. I meant it like this__.”) so many times, I don’t understand why they would continue to respond like that. Some people have started saying stuff along the lines of “lmao girl that did not sound how you wanted it to” and I apologize again every time.

As for the making assumptions part, clearly you don’t know what it’s like to just be able to tell that someone doesn’t like you lol. I’ve delt with that my whole life (as have most neurodivergent people), I’m rarely wrong about that stuff for myself personally. And I understand that people have different interests… that’s not what I was saying. What I was saying was I don’t like how I’ll get excited about something and start talking about it cause I get riled up and then I realize that I’m talking a lot and that they don’t care. I’m not good at stopping that before it starts and the only reason I put that in the original post is because I literally did it earlier that day lmao.

It did come off as rude and it actually really hurt my feelings. In the future, maybe ask if someone wants help rather than giving unsolicited advice about a situation you barely know anything about. Never in my original post did I ask for advice, I was literally just venting after having a really rough day. And while I appreciate that it was your intention to help, you should just be more thoughtful moving forward.

[slaythespire]

im sorry my tumblr followers who dont know me im mad rn, im just rambling mad under a readmore again thanksss

listen its not that i need to be dating someone im just chilling. in fact rn i would not want to date anyone.

but i HATEEEE HATE seeing people say shit like "You dont need anyone, you should learn to be happy without someone else in ur life! why do you need someone else! just be happy without that!" well damn sue me for wanting someone to deeply love me who i deeply love back!! why is that such a bad thing to want!! obviously if you cant function without being in a relationship that's not good, but people always say that shit to someone going "i feel unlovable and like no one will ever want me" and it feels so meanspirted!! damn!!

its been like almost a year since i got ghosted and i know its annoying to hear people complain abt the same thing over and over again. but its just HARD bcus i feel stupid, and used. i really thought my ex was like, THE person, we talked abt getting married and how we'd combine our last names, abt moving in together, supported each other through everything. when i was in inpatient this person called me almost everyday i was there to say hi and check in on me. i thought my future involved them and then they just dropped me without even an explanation. never in a million billion years did i think that would happen (outside of my bad brain telling me it would, which, well i was right so LOL) bcus they were my best friend of 8 years!!

and its scary bcus it makes me think there must be something wrong with me/"how could anyone ever love me when even the person who dated me for 6 years didnt". and people always say things like "you haven't met everyone who will care about you yet" but what if i have, and my one chance at having a relationship i was so happy in was ruined bcus the other person is a self-obsessed asshole who lied to my face abt so much for who KNOWS what reason. WHATEVER.

i feel like when i make posts like this i come off as an insane person in the "no wonder they broke up with you" way, but i promise im actually normal ive just been very emotionally ripped to shreds by a very bad breakup. barely a breakup bcus it was over TWITTER DM. whatever im just gonna be one of those people that obsesses over fictional characters so much i think were in a relationship.

i just rlly rlly wonder what their reasoning for doing this to me was and if they feel bad abt it. or if they think its funny, or if they just dont care. i also wonder if they think they can just message me one day and apologize and think itll be okay (i dont think this will happen, i used to but i dont anymore)

i lean towards they just dont care, i doubt they even think about what they did lol. i mean i HOPE they feel bad, but i dont think thats true. id be shocked if i ever heard from them again which is just, crazy. 8 years of knowing someone and it ends like that through no fault of your own. i wish i had a screenshot of the break up dm id post it in a heartbeat so anyone who actually read this far would feel whiplash like i do. (filled to the brim with "i love you so much" "i feel horrible for hurting you and i hate that im doing it" "i really care about you" "i hope you stay in my life bcus youre my best friend").

and it makes me really sad bcus OFC we would have stayed friends, i loved them so much that while id be sad abt breaking up i would still want them in my life. (WE EVEN TALKED ABT HOW IF WE BROKE UP WE ALWAYS THOUGHT WE'D STAY FRIENDS). but even in my fantasy world where they reach out after a few years all apologetic and guilty i just couldnt do it anymore.

one more but i don't understand what would compel someone to say all that knowing theyre lying and dont give a fuck about you, like it only comes off as evil and fucked up and cruel to me, so how else am i supposed to take that.

[nothing0fnothing]

heyo! i would just like to apologise on behalf of the NPD community for the idiots that are frothing at the mouth trying to claim that narc abuse isn't real. yeah, we get it, pwNPD ≠ abusive. doesnt mean you get to dictate how victims should view their trauma, much less make it seem invalid. pwNPD make things so much worse if they aren't grounded! do they seriously think pwNPD are cute little bunnies who just want validation? i myself am a pwNPD, and it is soo cringe omfg. all this so-called npd positivity sickens me. you're convincing pwNPD that their problematic attention-seeking behaviour is acceptable. if pre-aware me saw all those posts, i would've never sought to change my behaviour and seek a healthier source of supply. i admit, i was abusive. no BS. i literally took pleasure in others being scared of me, to the point i would bully my own sister to tears and gaslit her into thinking it was her fault. i was fucking 10. i needed that slap on the face to finally realise this was not how i was supposed to be. i got my help, i got the support i need, i'm trying to be a better person. now thats the type of positivity we need. i dont want people telling me that 'i just want to be acknowledged'. no, wanting to be acknowledged is normal. my desire was unhealthy and violent. i needed someone to beat me up and tell me not everything about me and that i shouldn't want to beat someone up for doing something better than me. Thanks for listening to my TedTalk! 😊 - 🩹

A super well considered and realistic view of what it means to be a narcissistic abuse denier and its roots in anti therapy/anti recovery rhetoric from the POV of a person who actually has NPD.

You're very right, to be a pwNPD and to argue that victims and survivors shouldn't have a community based on their shared experience of abuse because you feel personally victimised by the conversation is trying to dictate our recovery to us. It's attempting to invalidate our experience and its hella indicative of real life abusive behavior.

Thank you for sharing personal details of your own experience with NPD. I know it's hard, I know it's not fun for you and I'm sorry your safe spaces have been hijacked by wannabes and fakers pretending that to have this disorder is cool and edgy. You don't feel cool and edgy for having this disorder, because it's a real mental illness that effects your life daily, not a quirk you get to take off when you close the app and go into your life.

Support is out there for people with NPD or people who suspect they have it. It's not as fun or exciting to get help than it is to run a edgy tumblr blog that perpetuates further abuse and stigmatises people with NPD, but our mental health is our responsibility, and anti recovery and anti treatment narcissistic abuse denial blogs are just perpetrating further harm and stigma. The people who beleive in it will never get better, and it's sad, but you didn't fall into believing the narrative that NPD is untreatable. You got help though it was hard and you learned to be better.

I don't condone violence to correct bad behaviour, I don't think you needed to be hit to learn better. The desire to do better and be a good person is in all of us, and I hope you know that the decent human being you are today is thanks to your own hard work, your commitment to consistency in therapy, your strength to understand your disorder, not the time you were hit to learn better.

Thank you for your support, plaster emoji, I really appreciate it. Your Ted talk was an incredible read and I'd be pleased to hear from you again 💕

[toddstool]

Hello

I started looking into radical feminism a little over a year ago while I was rebuilding and repairing the damage to my life caused by men. It gave me a sense of belonging and made me think critically about a lot of things I had always taken for granted. I especially enjoyed how everyone seemed to encourage one another to question everything consistently. It was very good for my outlook and mental health.

Over time, the posts seemed to shift from educational to sensational. Im not saying this was the fault of the posters, I’m just saying what I experienced. It went from primarily discussing nuanced topics with no real answer which i thoroughly enjoyed since it encouraged thought, to primarily posts highlighting the depravity of men. I tried to filter these out as the thought of women being brutalized can cause me distress and panic.

The biggest shift, however, happened when I expressed my opinion on female separatism. I am quite pro and strongly believe that it is one of the best things you can do for yourself and your female loved ones. I did not understand in the slightest how women who claimed to be radical feminists could marry a man while continuing to hold their beliefs and values. I expressed this. I was blocked by a few mutuals and even more radfems I had never even spoken to. I knew upon making a “radblr” account that I would be blocked by half of tumblr but I didnt think it would be by the same people preaching to question everything and have open nuanced discussions. I considered deleting then because the website became almost unusable.

Instead, i found other radfems to follow. I became less likely to express an idea i was unsure of. I started step back from radblr as a place of learning and discussion and viewed it as an anonymous social media website. I was overwhelmed with the amount of posts detailing abuse and femicide. I understand that these events need attention for things to change, but as they were it felt more dirty. Like exploiting their stories for rage bait.

So with little to no traction on posts trying to discuss nuanced feminist topics and an overflow of notes on any silly dumb argument post, I, without intending to, began to seek out more fights. I noticed that I became more prone to showing my ass by replying with what i knew would get the most attention. I am not perfect. I crave attention and community like anyone else. When I became aware of what I was doing, I deleted the tumblr app. I felt weirdly empty and only managed to stay off tumblr for about three days. After that three days I saw the “I love men” post that I showed my whole ass on.

After that interaction was done, I started getting anons asking me how I could use the “dont forget your birth control” line since it was so obviously misogynistic and lesbiphobic. This would have been the ideal type of nuanced discussion i love if that’s what it had been. Is that line misogynistic? Why or why not?

But thats not what happened. What did happen was mutuals calling me names and blocking me. Radfems talking about how they always suspected I was lesbiphobic. I guess that was the straw that broke the camel’s back. I realized that, at least for that account, everything I enjoyed about radblr was all but lost and everything I hated about the fandom/tra account I had was there. At this point I am just trying to stay off social media entirely, but it has become obvious that I am addicted to it. Pretty evident since I’m even typing this huh?

I may come back. I may not. Idk rn. We’ll see but for right now, I just wanted to tell someone why I deleted. I thought about making a post but that would be kinda dumb right? Haha.

I’d love to find a new place to discuss and philosophize but I dont think social media is the place to do it. Its not whats rewarded here.

Good luck and happy discussion, critical thought, and feminism!

-the blog formerly known as @lookupmedicalmisogyny

*for context: a while ago i made a post asking what happened to lookupmedicalmisogyny and she found it and sent me this anon :)*

not 100% sure if I should or shouldn't post this but hey it's whateva.

i totally agree that a lot of radblrs most popular posts nowadays are ragebait/sensational type posts that feel heavily focused on women's suffering or arguing with others on here, rather than educating or respectful discussions between our community. i don't really mind as I just scroll past stuff like that if I know it'll emotionally stress me out or if I find it uninteresting. these past 2 years anyway I've just used radblr to have fun with my mutuals/keep up with them and have a configurated feed to scroll made up from like-minded and or funny women. of course this works for me because I already got to experience and read well written and thought out posts when i was first getting into radical feminism. i mean one should read theory from genuine essays and books, but you can't disagree that quite a lot of girls and young women are first being introduced to radical feminism from social media ("properly" ig opposed to just thinking about it themselves). i think what a lot of women need are irl communities, and they replace that with online communities, because in person can be scary or difficult to do.

anyway kinda off topic there. i didn't see the post that you're talking about, so I'm not sure about any lesbophobic allegations. im not sure how "don't forget to take your birth control" could be considered lesbophobic according to a radblr prospective so idk 🤔 i do miss your educational posts. i remember them bringing topics to light that I had never known about when i was first getting away from liberal/capitalistic "feminism" that i was indoctrinated into as a kid. perhaps you could have one blog for writing serious/important posts for the feminist community and another more personal one that's for fun and to talk about mutuals. while I don't think online community is exactly the best, I wouldn't entirely discredit it. after all it allows us to connect with women all over the world and learn about their experiences! that's pretty awesome. and i can imagine men don't like the idea of women learning about our historical and worldwide oppression, connecting with women everywhere, and understanding intersectional feminism lol. i guess to sum it up as long as you have in person community that's involved with your local government and helping women near you, then i think online stuff is fine and actually a positive thing as well.

do what u feel is best for yourself! social media can be extremely damaging nowadays so take it easy and I hope everything gets better :·)

[trickstarbrave]

i dont wanna bug op but like

to the person who rbed from me specifically and posted these tags:

#this is hilarious because dricing the speed limit is not gonna get you hit..#you really think ppl will rear end you because Youre drivimg the speed limit?#do you understand that if you get rear ended it is quite literally always their fault unless they have PROOF#that you intentionally break checked them?#rear end is always the person in backs fault i havent ever heard it ruled another way and thats how my accident was ruled w no investigation#no one will read end you because they know it would ruin their life#theyd be out a car theyd get a ticket and possibly arrested you sue them and then they cant ever replace that car#literally they cant because the used car market is nuts#no one is going to hit you guys like cmon thats the worst excuse ive ever heard#you guys are really so impatient that travelling 20x the speed you could generate on your own is too much??#jesus christ...#this is why i dont make friends this behavior is ridiculous and if i get in a car w someone and their speeding all over#im getting out of the car and were not friends anymore like you dont invite someone in your vehicle and drive unsafe w them

you are correct that getting rear ended is almost always gonna have you ruled as Not At Fault. i actually recently got hit in the rear of my car. cops ruled me not at fault. i had to CHASE DOWN THIS WOMAN'S FUCKING INSURANCE TO GET THEM TO PAY FOR MY CAR. and do you know what they said? they said the car wasn't worth fucking fixing. they said it was totaled. it wasn't even that fucked up. but apparently repairs were FAR beyond what the car was worth despite buying a new vehicle costing WAY MORE THAN THAT. this debacle took literally MONTHS trying to resolve. eventually i had to get my dad involved, go to MY insurance, get the money up to what they determined my fucking car was worth, and then pay for the rest of the repairs out of fucking pocket.

i guess i could have chased this old woman down in small claims court for the fucking difference but 1. i dont think the court would have given a shit and decided its MY problem my vehicle is apparently worth only 1k dollars 2. she's an old woman that only hit me because she had fainted earlier, was trying to show her friend how to back up the car bc her breaks were fucked up, accidentally hit the gas too hard while disoriented, and hit my car. she was already at fault for her friend's medical bills. do you think i wanted to be the bad guy hounding some old woman for fucking money.

also like. it doesn't matter if they are at fault and we are going at the designated highway speed limit of 65-70 mph here. that is going to completely destroy the back of my car, potentially flip my vehicle or at the very least cause me to go off road, and i might actually die. "oh that won't happen grow up--" ive been in a near fatal car accident WITHOUT someone fucking read ending me on the highway. my wheel locked up when i was trying to make a pass and i ended up going off road and crashing into a tree. i was lucky it wasnt me going off road off a fucking mountainside bc those are common here and would have meant absolute certain death. sure they will go to jail for manslaughter but i dont want a pyrrhic fucking victory jackass i wanna live

i have driven the speed limit before. i had ppl up my fucking ass who then pass me and flip me off or deliberately made a point to drive close to the side of my vehicle in a passing lane to intimidate me. "but thats illegal they can't do that" astute observation shithead. do you think when i am worried about Not Dying as someone who has Nearly Died In A Car Accident Before because some jackass has decided killing both of us is a valid response to a mild inconvenience i wanna try and get their fucking license plate and call the cops who will tell me "we'll look into it" and do fucking nothing?

i would really genuinely love to not live in a shit place like this. our car centric infrastructure is also done in a way that de-incentivizes actually going the speed limit for most ppl (did you know ppl slow down if the streets are more narrow naturally? yeah they also speed the fuck up if there are like 7 fucking lanes on this road). people here drive like maniacs. i've also nearly been killed for even dumber reasons than someone deciding to ride my ass down the highway like coming to a complete fucking stop on the highway leading to me having to swerve into 2 other lanes. and i was GOING THE SPEED LIMIT DURING THIS INCIDENT.

tl;dr:

"someone might rear end you bc u live in a place with insane ass drivers? yeah right thats illegal, people can't do that!"