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mediaevalmusereads · 3 years

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The Alienist. By Caleb Carr. New York: Random House, 1994.

Rating: 4/5 stars

Genre: historical fiction, mystery, suspense

Part of a Series? Yes, The Kreizler Series #1

Summary: The year is 1896. The city is New York. Newspaper reporter John Schuyler Moore is summoned by his friend Dr. Laszlo Kreizler—a psychologist, or “alienist”—to view the horribly mutilated body of an adolescent boy abandoned on the unfinished Williamsburg Bridge. From there the two embark on a revolutionary effort in criminology: creating a psychological profile of the perpetrator based on the details of his crimes. Their dangerous quest takes them into the tortured past and twisted mind of a murderer who will kill again before their hunt is over.

***Full review under the cut.***

Content Warnings: ableism, homophobia/transphobia, racism (including slurs), sexism, rape, abuse, child abuse and sexual assault, child prostitution, animal cruelty, blood, gore, violence

Overview: This book has been on my TBR list for a while, so I figured I’d finally get around to reading it. I wasn’t sure what I was expecting, but I was actually surprised by how much I enjoyed the reading experience. Carr writes in a way that pretty closely imitates 19th century detective fiction, and while such a style might not be for everyone, I thought it went a long way in creating atmosphere. My criticisms have mostly to do with pace and the creative decisions that probably didn’t have to be made (such as depictions of child sexual assault, use of slurs, etc), but even with those faults, I have to give Carr’s craft and research a lot of credit, so this book gets 4 stars from me.

Writing: As I mentioned above, this book mimics detective fiction of the 19th century. If you’ve read any of Arthur Conan Doyle’s Sherlock Holmes stories, you might get the idea: first person, characters displaying almost whimsical behavior, stuffed with contextual details that may or may not be relevant. At first, I thought the reading experience was going to be a slog, but once I realized what Carr was trying to do, I readjusted my expectations and found the prose to be quite engaging. If you like 19th century literature, you might appreciate what Carr does, but if you find older lit to be a challenge, this book might not be the thriller you’re hoping for.

That being said, I do think there were some areas where Carr could have picked up the pace or even cut some of the contextual details. It’s obvious that Carr did a lot of research before writing this book, and it’s understandable that he would want to show off some of that research, but there were times where I felt like it was a little much.

I also think there are a lot of things in this book that will offend modern sensibilities. I recall at least one use of the N-word (which is spoken by a racist minor character) as well as remarks that make it clear that characters think same-sex intimacy is “deviant” or abhorrent. I can understand why Carr put them in his book; if we’re trying to evoke an atmosphere and make the story feel like it’s set in the 19th century, it’s not realistic to expect everyone to be accepting of gay sex or treat POC with respect. But also, I think it’s on Carr to bear the responsibility of creating plot points and characters that have those attitudes in the first place. The character who uses the N-word could have easily not done so, and characters could have been more clear that their revulsion was at child prostitution rather than same-sex relationships.

Still, I was able to follow the plot with no problem and the sentences flowed in a way that made the reading experience feel quick (no 10-line sentences, thank god). So while there may be some things I would have liked to see adjusted to fit my own tastes, I think Carr did a wonderful job of making me feel like I was reading an older work.

Plot: The plot of this book follows a group of investigators as they try to use psychology to catch a serial killer. As far as being an “original” or unique thriller, this book doesn’t necessarily deliver a plot we haven’t seen before; but what made it so interesting (at least to me) was that it was less interested in the thrill of catching the killer and more interested in thinking through the “whys.” Why did the killer do X? Why did he do Y and Z when he could have done A or B? In this sense, the suspense doesn’t come from the action or the “chase,” but from the building of ideas and a foggy picture becoming more and more clear.

If I can fault Carr for anything, it’s that I think he crafted his mystery around some subjects that are... touchy (for lack of a better word). Most of the murder victims are children - specifically child prostitutes - and a lot of the killer’s motivations are rooted in some combination of racism and exposure to abuse. If you’re looking for a book which handles these issues with sensitivity, I think you’ll be disappointed. But I have to give Carr some credit for not overly sensationalizing these things; for example, while he did include characters who were racist towards Native Americans, he also included characters who were sympathetic and who insisted on not judging tribes for their defensive violence. Not everything is perfect, and there were some moments that made me uncomfortable, but I felt like Carr painted a complex picture of 19th century America, so I was able to keep going.

Characters: The plot of this book is told from the perspective of John Schuyler Moore - a newspaper reporter who teams up with his friend, eminent psychologist Dr. Laszlo Kreizler, to catch a serial killer. As a protagonist, Moore isn’t overly compelling - he’s more like a neutral, blank slate that the reader can project themselves onto. He serves much of the same function as Watson in the Sherlock Holmes stories: to be a witness to other characters’ brilliance while occasionally making some helpful insights. Still, I didn’t outright hate Moore - he was kind and loyal, and I admired how he went out of his way to try to help people.

Kreizler, the psychologist (or “alienist” as they were called in those days), is somewhat of a Sherlockian character in that he’s eccentric, confident, and had abilities that stun the people around him. For the most part, Kreizler was fun to follow. I think the only times I got truly frustrated with him were when he would allude to some knowledge and then leave Moore in the dark - like “aha! This thing is obvious!” “What thing?” “No time to explain! I’ll tell you at dinner!” Those moments were a little irritating.

Sarah, the most prominent female character, was more complex than I expected her to be. She has clear career aspirations and doesn’t let anyone hold her back, and I liked that she was presented as this kick-ass woman who still felt human. She struggles when faced with the horrors of the murder, but she doesn’t let the horror put her off of her task. She’s confident and never seems to have a moment of self-doubt (which is refreshing). She notices interpersonal things without being boxed in as “the woman who notices emotions.” Granted, Sarah does serve some token function - she’s brought on in order to provide a “female perspective,” which was a little frustrating, but she held her own so well that my annoyance melted away.

Marcus and Lucius, the two brothers who work for the police department, are also quite charming characters. I loved how they brought technical expertise to the group by being knowledgeable about anatomy, fingerprints, photography, and the like, and I especially enjoyed the way they bickered with one another. Their presence immediately made scenes feel lighter, and they brought something of a family aspect to the whole band.

Supporting characters were well-crafted in that no two felt quite the same. Teddy Roosevelt (yes, that one) was cheerful and warm while still demanding absolute cooperation and loyalty from his men. Cyrus and Stevie - two of Kreizler’s employees - were charming, though I wish Cyrus had gotten to do more than just kind of silently stand by awaiting orders. Mary - Kreizler’s maid - was a lovely character, and I appreciated the positive disability representation we got with her, though I do not like how her character arc ended and how it related to the main plot. The crime bosses were intimidating without feeling too much like stock characters, the thugs did their job. I don’t think there was a character that was poorly written, just characters who served purposes that may or may not have been needed.

As for the murderer... we don’t get to see him very much, but I felt like I got to know him because so much of the book was focused on mapping out his life and psychology. It worked much better than books where the antagonist is looming off to the side, acting as a vaguely threatening force but not really a character, and one that doesn’t even show up until the last quarter of the book. When the killer finally does appear on page, I felt like he had been involved in the story, even without being physically present, so I was able to accept him as an active force on the narrative, not just a surprise twist at the end.

TL;DR: The Alienist is a well-crafted mystery that uses atmosphere and psychology to create an engaging mystery. While some readers may struggle with the period-like prose or the more disturbing aspects of the story, Carr creates a compelling narrative by focusing on understanding and knowledge over spectacle and action, and by using well-developed characters.

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jobrookekarev · 4 years

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Little Turkey (Updated)

Summary: Jo and Alex celebrate Thanksgiving with everybody in Meredith’s backyard and Jo tries to induce labor.

Chapter: 1/1

Fandom: Grey's Anatomy.

Relationship: Alex Karev/Jo Wilson Karev.

Characters: Alex Karev, Jo Wilson Karev, Meredith Grey, Maggie Pierce, Jackson Avery, Amelia Shepherd, Atticus Lincoln, Zola Grey Shepherd, Ellis Shepherd, Derek Bailey Shepherd, and Carina DeLuca.

Rating: General Audiences.

Additional Tags: thanksgiving, pregnancy, birth, babies, and tiny adorable turkey onesies.

AN: New edits because I forgot to add the reason why Jo didn't realize she was in labor and her water breaking because I was in a rush to get this posted!! You think that someone who studied to be a doula would get it right but nope. LOL. So hopefully this makes more sense and seems more realistic.

Read at AO3

Read at FFN

……………………………………………………………………

Jo pushed open the gate to Meredith’s backyard and was greeted with the sight of the socially distant Thanksgiving dinner in full swing. It might be the holidays, but there was a rise of COVID in the past few weeks and the governor had shut down the state. Despite how the group was constantly tested at work, none of them were willing to take any risks for an inside formal dinner. Which meant that tables were 6 feet apart, plates of food were already set out, and masks were required. Jo didn’t mind the outdoor activities, even with the November air as her pregnancy meant that she often ran hot.

Amelia and Link were at one table with her godson, the three kids and Meredith were painting at one table. Maggie and Winston were off to the side, and Jackson, April, and Harriett were at the third table. The last table was for her and Alex, Meredith had already set out plates for them that were already filled with turkey, stuffing, casseroles, and Amelia’s pie.

“Hey, Aunt Jo,” Zola said, being the first one to greet her and waved at her with her paintbrush still in her hand. She wore a white and purple butterfly mask that matched her butterfly coat.

Everyone else followed Zola’s hello with waves as Jo walked up to the only empty table. Link bounded over like a puppy and hugged her as tightly as he could with her full belly between them. The two of them had been together for most of the pandemic with her and Alex helping them with Scout and Link and Amelia returning the favor to help with Jo’s pregnancy.

“Where’s Uncle Alex?” Zola asked holding up her turkey painting to show Jo.

“That looks very cool Zola and he is on his way. He had a meeting so he's just running a little late,” Jo said as she put a hand on her belly and eased herself into the lawn chair and put her feet up on Alex's empty chair. “I see you all left me the good chair.”

“Yeah well the rest of us didn’t want to hear you complain about it for the entire night,” Amelia said, sending Jo a wink.

“I did not complain last time!” Jo insisted, looking over at Link who just looked at her wide eyed.

Jo knew that Link’s mouth was open under his mask as he was trying to find something to say to her before retreating back over to Amelia.

Ellis grabbed a plate of paint and dragged her cat chair to Jo. “Aunt Jo, can I paint your belly?”

“What?”

“She wants to paint your baby belly,” Meredith clarified for her, handing Bailey a plate of food. “She saw a picture of someone doing it online and now all she talks about is painting your belly.”

Jo looked back down at Ellis who looked up at her with the biggest puppy eyes and Jo knew that she was pouting under her mask. Jo smiled and nodded, how could she refuse Ellis’ request. Jo put her feet down and grabbed a pillow, putting it behind her back before she pulled up her shirt and tucking it under her breasts. Ellis giggled and grabbed her brush to paint a streak across Jo's belly. Jo shivered at the cold paint, but the feeling of Ellis’s brush was oddly soft and Jo found herself relaxing back as Ellis painted.

The party continued and the conversation flowed. It had been a while since everyone had gotten together outside the hospital, especially with the kids and it was nice to relax and enjoy the night.

“Oh that’s so cute,” Jo said as Link handed her a small canvas of one of her godson’s baby bumpkins. “I can’t wait to do that with this baby.”

Jo smiled as she stared over at Amelia and her godson. Back when she and Link were serving coffee, just trying to make it through college. They talked about how their kids would grow up together and be friends. They would be each other’s family. After Jo left, she didn’t think she’d ever see him again, but she was so glad he came to Grey-Sloan and gave her a second chance.

“Yeah, it does make a good keepsake for Christmas too,” Link said, smiling back over at Amelia and the baby as well.

“Nuh-uh,” Jo mumbled, shaking her head as she took a bit of the nacho that she had dumped hot sauce on. “I’m having this baby tonight.”

Immediately all eyes were on her.

“You're in labor!” Meredith shouted standing up and pulling out her phone, no doubt to call Alex.

“You're in labor!” Maggie freaked out as she dropped Zola’s painting.

“The baby’s coming today!” Zola cheered her eyes sparkling as she raced over to them.

“The baby’s coming!” Ellis shrieked, putting both of her hands on Jo’s belly that was still wet with paint.

“Oh my god, Jo why didn’t you say anything?” Link said, dropping down to his knees and putting a hand on her shoulder.

“No, I’m not in Labor,” Jo shouted above the noise.

“Josephine Brooke Karev are you still trying to induce labor a week before your due date?”

“Uncle Alex!” All the kids screamed, so excited to see him, they all talked over each other as they showed him their paintings.

“For heaven's sake Jo,” Link said, his eyes wide as he sat down on the grass leaning on the arm of her chair. “Between you and Amelia, the stress is gonna kill me.”

“Why would you want to have your baby today?” Meredith asked, moving her chair over to sit next across from Jo.

“Well, our anniversary is Halloween. I just thought I’d keep with the theme, that way we'd always remember and it’d be extra special,” Jo said, with a shrug as she felt the baby kick inside her as if they were agreeing.

“Regardless of the date it will be special, trust me. You're never going to forget your baby's birthday because it's also your labor day,” Meredith said her eyes sparkling and Jo knew that she was smirking over at her.

“I know, but I just thought I'd be fun,” Jo said, putting a hand on her baby belly where Ellis hadn’t painted, feeling them kick again as she turned to see Alex talking to the kids.

He was nodding along to everything they were telling him and acting like Bailey's messy painted turkey was the greatest piece of artwork he's ever seen. She loved seeing Alex with all the kids so much that she didn’t mind being second best to her husband. He was so good to them, always listening to them talk and going along with whatever they wanted. She couldn't wait to see him with their kid and she knew that they already had them wrapped around their finger.

“I painted Aunt Jo’s belly!” Ellis said putting her paint covered hands on Alex’s shirt.

“And now we match,” Alex said looking down at his nice button up shirt to see two small handprints.

Jo laughed as Alex looked down at the sight of his ruined shirt. Meredith got up and took Ellis inside to wash her hands and Alex sat down next to her. He pulled down his mask to greet her with a kiss and settled in. Jo grabbed another bite of her pineapple spicy nachos and Alex took a piece from her plate.

“Hey,” Jo said, pulling the plate away from him.

“Sorry,” Alex laughed before feeding her the chip.

Jo thought that he would have long since learned not to get between a pregnant woman and her food, but apparently not.

Alex’s eyes turned serious as he looked over at her. “How are you feeling?”

“My heartburn is better than it was this morning, my braxton hicks haven't been as intense as they were yesterday, and I did a hepatectomy on a guy who almost burnt down his house trying to cook a turkey with Jackson,” Jo said in between bites of her nachos.

“Yeah I’m surprised I got here before you,” Jackson said as he held Harriett and offered her a bite of green beans. “You finished the resection before I was done debriding his wounds.”

“I scrubbed in on a surgical extraction with Dr. Bailey right after,” Jo said with a laugh, remembering the case. “Some guy shoved a corn husk up you know where.”

“A corn husk?” Meredith asked in disbelief. “I can’t believe I missed that!”

“You can scrub in with me next year after COVID is cured and you can come back to work.”

“I’ll hold you to it, Karev.”

“It sounds like you had a good day,” Alex said, leaving in to wrap his arm around her shoulders.

“I did.”

Jo could see Alex smile under his mask as his eyes wrinkled and sparkled. Jo leaned in and pressed a masked kiss to his cheek. Alex chuckled, squeezed her shoulder as she leaned in and put her head on his shoulder.

They watched the kids paint and ate too much of April's pumpkin pie and stayed long after the kids fell asleep as the alcohol came out for the adults. It was the first time they had all congregated outside of the hospital and no one was eager to leave. Her sober buddy, Amelia, came to sit next closer to her, and Jo cooed at her godson, gushing over his cute little baby cheeks even after he fell asleep.

The cold night air set in and soon they were all bundling up in blankets, but no one wanted to head home first. Jo put the baby down inside and curled up against Alex as her braxton hicks started up again. She didn't mean to fall asleep but the next thing she knew Alex was shifting against her and pulling her onto her feet and putting one arm around her as he half carried her to the car, Jo mumbled goodbye to everyone.

Jo fell asleep in the car and she didn't remember getting into bed, but the next thing she knew it’s 4 a.m. and she's waking up with a braxton hick. She rolled over in bed realizing that Alex changed her into pajamas. Jo’s not sure if it's because she was exhausted or what but, as soon as it passed she rolled over and fell asleep again.

Somewhere around sunrise, just as the sun was shining into the windows, Jo got up with another braxton hick. She knew that moving helped and she had to pee anyway, but Jo only made it to the table behind the couch before she felt a trickle of water run down her leg. At first, she thought she had an accident, but the trickle of water just kept coming as Jo tried to clean herself up. Then she realized it was amniotic fluid. Her water broke.

Jo turned around to wake up Alex, but before she could she doubled over in pain as her next contraction started. She knew that her contractions would increase in pain after her water broke that this was on a whole different level.

Jo leaned against the table she tried to call out to Alex but she can’t speak. She was frozen in place until it passed. She knew that these weren't braxton hick, these were contractions, she was in labor. When she felt like she could move again Jo looked back at Alex, but she couldn't manage to call out to him. Instead, Jo got out her phone and pulled up her contacts, she blindly pressed Alex’s name and waited to hear his phone ring. Instead, she heard someone else answer her call.

“Hey Jo, what’s up”

Meredith’s voice was music to her ears. Jo opened her eyes and shook her head as she looked down at the phone. Jo was so relieved to see her friend. Although she had originally planned to just call Alex, it seemed she had set up a video call with Meredith. Because of the restriction, Jo couldn't have anyone other than Alex with her when she gave birth. Despite her initial plan to have Meredith with her, they had agreed to have Meredith be there over video call to support her through it. In the midst of a contraction she could barely speak, but Meredith seemed to know exactly what was going on.

“Are you in labor?”

Jo nodded, closing her eyes and swaying her hips, she wasn't sure why but somehow it seemed to help.

“How long have you been having contractions?”

“I don't know,” Jo said, blowing out a breath as the contraction passed. “A few hours maybe.”

“What do you mean maybe?” Meredith asked, glaring at her. “When did the pain start?”

“Before I went to bed last night I think.”

“So you've been in labor for six hours, Jo how did you ignore this?” Meredith said as she rubbed her eyes and pinched the bridge of her nose

“I have a high pain tolerance, and I'm used to sleeping through the pain and I was really tired,” Jo said, the memories of when she used to fall asleep after Paul beat her were not once she liked to remember, but as a result, Jo often ignored her pain out of habit.

“Well, where's Alex? He should have been keeping an eye on you.”

“Alex he's …” Jo shook her head, and trailed off as she had another contraction.

“Do you need me to get Alex?”

Jo nodded, the contraction had passed but she was so exhausted and let Meredith help her.

“Okay, hang on Jo I'm going to call him from a second phone,” Meredith reassured her as Jo heard her stuff laying around on the other end of the phone. “Amelia gimme your phone Jo’s in labor.”

Jo chuckled as Meredith continued to harass Amelia for her phone. Ever since Meredith had recovered from COVID she had been working from home and harassing them all via phone call. Especially her as Jo continue their work on the mini-livers from their lab at the hospital.

“Okay, I'm calling him now.”

Jo looked back at Alex who was still sleeping peacefully in their bed. The blanket was pulled back on her side and his arm was laying over her pillow leaving the impression of an empty space where she had been. Alex had that evening morning scruff that she loved and his lips were parted as he snored. He was completely oblivious to how his world was going to change in a few hours.

Alex’s phone rang, the sound bouncing around the apartment. He rolled over and reached for his nightstand, cursing as he looked for his phone. Another contraction distracted her from calling out to him, but she heard him silence his phone and roll over again.

“Jo, Meredith is calling you.”

“No, I'm calling you,” Meredith yelled at him through Jo's phone. “Your wife is in labor Karev, get the hell up.”

Jo looked over to see Alex sit up and stared at her. He blinked once and then twice before he scrambled to get up, getting tangled in the blankets and tripping several times before he made it over to her.

“You're in labor?”

“Yes,” Jo and Meredith yelled at the same time.

“We’re having a baby!”

“Yes, we're having a baby!”

“Okay well let’s go,” Alex said and Jo could see it on his face as he went from paranoid dad to helpful husband. “Let’s have a baby.”

“Let’s have a baby.” Jo smiled as Alex kissed her before another contraction hit and she closed her eyes in pain. They were for sure having a baby today. Happy Thanksgiving to her.

“How far apart are the contractions?”

“Every four minutes,” Meredith answered for her.

“Has your water broken?”

“Not that I can tell.”

“Jo?” Alex asked looked down to check, but Jo shook her head.

“Okay, let's check how dilated you are, but regardless we're going to head to the hospital. I'll call Carina and tell her to have a room waiting for us.” Alex said as he put his arms around her waist and Jo heavily leaned in on him.

Alex helped her over to the bed and Jo laid down, sinking into the mattress. Another contraction hit and Jo closed her eyes taking a deep breath and slowly letting it out.

“That’s it Jo, deep breaths, you're doing so good,” Alex praised her as he held her hand, and mirrored her breaths.

Jo felt the tears collect in her eyes and Alex spoke, she was so thankful that he was there cheering her on. He had been so supportive through her pregnancy. He braided her hair and rubbed her back when she puked. He tied her shoes and helped her reach for things. He rubbed her back and her feet when they ached, and he talked to their baby when they kicked her ribs. When the contraction passed and Jo opened her eyes to see Alex smiling down at her. She sighed and relaxed as he leaned forward and kissed her.

“He is right, you're doing everything like you're supposed to, you're doing great Jo,” Meredith said, from where Jo had left her phone propped up on the table.

Jo returned their smiles and squeezed Alex’s hand. “I’m having a baby.”

“You are, and you're handling it like a champ,” Alex said, moving back and putting a hand on her knees, Jo saw his face shift from proud and supportive husband to concerned doctor. “Your contractions are pretty close together. Can I check and see how dilated you are now.”

Jo nodded and lifted up her hips as he pulled off her pajama pants. Jo put her feet up by her hips and let her knees fall apart. Alex waited for her to nod before he checked her cervix, despite how many times they had sex, he always waited for her consent. Alex quickly checked her and then smiled looking down at her.

“Jo, have you felt the need to push?”

“No, why?” she asked, confused as she pushed herself up on her elbows. He had pulled back his hand, but didn't give her back her pants.

“You’re about 9 cm dilated, but we should get to the hospital before you have this baby in the car,” Alex said as he patted her knee and got up. “I’m gonna grab your bag and stuff and put it in the car then come back for you.”

“Oh my god!” Jo shouted as she sat up and watched Alex run around their apartment.

“Hey it’s okay Jo, just take a deep breath,” Meredith said, Leaning into the phone so Jo could see her whole face.

Jo nodded and took a deep breath, knowing that panicking wouldn't get her anywhere, and put a hand on her belly. She couldn't feel her baby kick, only the contractions that seemed endlessly painful. After a few deep breaths, she held herself calm back down and had to open her eyes and look back at Meredith who greeted her with a nod.

“Wait Alex, give me Meredith,” Jo shouted as she heard him open the door.

Alex stopped everything and grabbed the phone before handing it to her and running off again. Jo just smiled as she watched him go, running around like a mad dad, panicked as she labor. After everything they had been through, he was still so excited and nervous for their baby.

Another contraction hit and Jo closed her eyes, tuning out everything as Meredith talked her through it and Alex ran around with the bags. Finally, he came back and helped her down the stairs, and into the car.

Jo barely remembered the car ride to the hospital. In between her contraction, Meredith and Alex talked to her and tried to distract her. She was so exhausted and could barely think as Alex and Meredith prompted her to move and breathe when they got to the hospital. It sort of worked, but it was all just a blur as they got her up to a room.

“Hello Jo,” Carina said that she came into the room rubbing fresh hand sanitizer over her hands before she reached for a pair of gloves. “I wasn't expecting to see you so soon.”

“I need to push,” Jo shouted, already bearing down, this baby was coming now, regardless of whether anyone was ready for them or not.

“Now!” Alex shouted in disbelief. “Shit we should have been here hours ago.”

“She said now!” Meredith insisted, yelling through the phone.

“You don’t have to do that you know,” Alex said, as he crawled in behind her, rather than push on her back they had her upright and Jo sat on the end of the bed while Alex held her up and squeezed both of her hands.

“Jo wants me to advocate for her, this is me advocating.”

“Okay Jo push on the next contraction,” Carina said, shutting them both up as she got ready to catch the baby in between Jo’s legs.

Jo closed her eyes and tried to breathe as another contraction hit and she pushed with every bit of energy she had left. It felt like an endless circle of pain and pushing, then a break, and then more pain and pushing. She was so exhausted and she couldn't imagine doing this for an endless amount of hours.

“You're doing great Jo, just a little bit longer and they're gonna be here,” Alex whispered in her ear.

“He’s right Jo. Everything is perfect and your little bambino is going to be here very soon,” Carina said giving her a short nod.

Jo pushed for what seemed like hours and then Carina was announcing she could see the head. Jo knew that she had to keep going and pushed again and suddenly her baby was out and Carina held them up for them to see.

The second their baby cried, Jo's heart stopped as Carina held up this tiny little red baby screened in their ears. Jo pulled down her gown so they could do some skin to skin and Carina quickly placed them on Jo’s chest. Jo's arm instantly moved to cradle them and she leaned back against Alex as the tears filled her eyes. She and her baby's cries filled the room.

“She's so beautiful,” Alex sobbed on her shoulder as he wrapped his arms around them both.

“It's a girl,” Jo said in astonishment, she looked down to where the baby laid in her arms and their daughter looked up at them with big eyes as her cries quieted.

“Alex do you want to cut the cord?”

Alex nodded and moved to cut the cord, taking the surgical scissors from the nurse. Meredith took a few pictures and Jo was glad she had asked her to beforehand because all she could focus on was the beautiful little girl in her arms.

Jo looked down at her beautiful, perfect daughter and moved to stroke her cheek. She hardly noticed the nurses cleaning her and taking their daughter’s Apgar scores. All she could think about was a perfect little baby in her arms. For her, falling in love was a gradual process, but Jo loved their baby from the moment she found out she was pregnant and she was so overwhelmed with love for her baby as she stared down at them.

Jo looked over at Alex as he moved out from behind her to stand next to her. As all the nurses attended to her and the baby. He looked so nervous as he stared down at her shifting his weight on his feet and stuffing his hands into his pockets. It was so unusual to see him so concerned and nervous.

Jo looked down at their daughter, she’d had her for nine months and although it felt like she had only been holding her for a few minutes, Jo was sure that she was ready to watch Alex hold their baby for the first time.

“Do you want to hold her?” Jo whispered, already moving the blanket that had been placed over both of them to loosely swaddle her and transferred their daughter into her chest.

Alex just nodded and took off his shirt so they could do skin to skin, then held out his arms for their daughter. Once she placed her in his arms, Alex slowly sank down in the chair next to her bed. He held her close to his chest before he seemed to remember how to hold a baby and cradled her in his arms as he relaxed back into the chair. She watched as Alex just gazed down at her with an expression of pure love.

Jo could tell by the way that his eyes sparkled that he was smiling down at their daughter under his mask. Tears collected his eyes and a few escaped the corner of his eyes as he whispered to her. The baby opened her eyes and squirmed, crying out for a moment before Alex soothes her as he began to rock in the chair. The baby flailed her arms out and Alex reached out to hold one of her hands as her tiny hand wrapped around his big finger.

Jo finished pushing out the placenta and laid back onto the bed before Alex put their daughter back on her chest and put the blanket over both of them. Jo just stared down at her in amazement. She was so perfect, from her tiny little forehead to the thick tufts of dark hair. She stretched out her legs, kicking Jo before she curled back up into a tiny little ball and closed her eyes.

“She’s perfect,” Jo said to Alex, not taking her eyes off her daughter. “Even if her big head caused me a second degree tear.”

“Sorry about,” Alex said, sliding in to sit next to her.

“Well you and her big Karev heads are perfect and I can’t feel anything down there anyway,” Jo’s legs felt like mush and she couldn't tell how many stitches Carina was doing.

Alex wrapped an arm around her shoulders leaning in to kiss her cheek. Jo turned and tilted her head to give him a proper kiss.

“You did so good Jo, I'm so proud of you and she is absolutely beautiful,” Meredith said with a smile as they all look down at the baby. “I’m gonna let you two enjoy your baby and I’ll send you the pictures I took in a few minutes.”

“Thank you,” Jo said as she looked over at Meredith who smiled.

“It was my pleasure,” Meredith said, tilting her head as she looked down at the baby. “Besides if it wasn’t for me you would still be laboring in the loft and Alex would be fast asleep.”

“Har har,” Alex said as Jo laughed.

“But you Jo Karev,” Meredith said turning a pointed finger at her. “You have to keep remembering to watch your braxton hicks and not sleep through your labor until your nine centimeters dilated!”

“Meredith is right Jo, your labor progressed very quickly without you realizing it,” Carina said, as she set Jo with a look. “Next time, I want to see you in here as soon as your braxton hicks are consistent for more than an hour. I'd rather send you away with false labor then put you or your baby at risk.

“Yeah, we can’t have the next one on the couch in our living room,” Alex added, kissing her forehead.

“I know I said I wanted two kids, but let's not talk about a second one until my vagina starts hurting from having the first one,” Jo said as she glared at him as Alex turned to look down at their baby girl.

“She needs a name,” Alex said, changing the subject as he trailed a finger across her little hand as she wiggled her fingers.

“Meredith does make a really good name,” Meredith sang, raising her eyebrows and giving them a look.

“We'll take it into consideration,” Jo said looking back at Alex. They had a list of names they were still arguing over, some of the names were new, but others were after friends and family.

Meredith ended the call and most of the nurses left, it was just them and Carina, who was finishing the last of Jo’s stitches. The baby fussed, turning her head and opening her mouth, signaling that she was hungry. Jo moved her down and Carina helped her and the baby get a good latch on her breast. Soon their baby was making happy little eating noises as her parents smiled down at her.

“She does need a name,” Alex whispered to her, setting his head on her shoulder and he looked down at their daughter as she nursed.

“You know which one I like.”

“I know,” Alex sighed, looking away from her.

“You should call her,” Jo said, turning to look at him as he gazed off into space. “Call her and then decide, and if you still don't want the name. we can choose a different one.”

“Okay.” Alex nodded and kissed her shoulder as they turned their attention back to their baby girl.

After their daughter finished eating and Carina finished her stitches, Alex ran to grab her some food from the cafeteria. Jo chatted with Meredith again for a few minutes about the pictures before Alex came back and they ate. He put on a movie some kind of Christmas movie that Jo wasn't really interested in so she closed her eyes. She must have fallen asleep and slept for a few hours only to be woken up by Carina and the nurses checking on her.

It’s still later in the early afternoon but the closed blinds and curtains made it seem like night and it was easy for her to close her eyes. She stared at the baby in Alex's arms before she fell asleep again and when Jo woke up and the baby was in the bassinet next to her bed. She reached out an arm to lay a hand on her chest feeling the baby breathing under her hand and fell back asleep.

When Jo woke up again she heard Alex talking faintly on the phone again. The baby was not under her hand and for a moment Jo panicked, she looked around the room and she saw Alex holding the baby in a football hold, as he rocked back and forth with his back to her. Jo relaxed and closed her eyes as she listened to the baby gurgle and coo as Alex talked on the phone.

“Yeah, thanks Mom, we can’t wait for you to see her,” Alex said as he walked back over and sat down next to her. Jo blinked and caught his eyes and he smiled at her. “Hang on Jo’s awake, let me give her the baby.”

Alex set the phone down and unswaddle the baby before setting her on Jo’s chest. The baby settled on Jo as she put a hand on her back tracing her spine and noting her clean skin. While she was asleep, Alex and the nurses must have bathed her and they put her in a plain hospital hat and onesie and Jo safely tucked those away for safekeeping. Jo reached over to the bag on the chair next to her and pulled out the little turkey onesie along with a dark orange hat to match.

Jo sat the bed up and put the baby on her lap as she changed her clothes, the baby slept through the whole thing and Jo pulled her close to whisper to her daughter. She tried out the names they had on their list, including Meredith, and just as she expected, the name Jo wanted for her fit.

Jo looked up at Alex as he finished the call with his mom and smiled at him as he put down his phone and came to sit down next to her. “She needs a name. We can't just call her baby forever.”

“I know,” Alex said, looking down at the baby as Jo shook her head.

“Let's try them all out and see which one fits,” Jo said, she knew that Alex was still hesitant, but that he would know that the moment he heard it and connected the name to the sight of their daughter.

“Okay, hello Stephanie,” Alex said looking down at their daughter before he shook his head. Jo chuckled, she knew Stephanie would be disappointed, like Meredith they had considered the name as they wanted her to be named after someone they loved, but it just didn't fit. “Okay, you do the next one.”

“Alright, hello Meredith or Edith for short,” Jo said to her, it was the name Alex wanted and Jo liked it too. Meredith meant so much to them and they had agreed to have it as her middle name regardless, but it wasn’t her first name.

“You're right, it doesn't fit,” Alex said as he sighed and leaned back into the chair.

“No,” Jo said looking down at the baby in her arms. She took Alex's hand and pulled it over to hold their daughter's hands that had wiggled out from the swaddle. “Her name is Helena, after your mom and Mrs. Schmidt.”

Alex smiled as he looked down at their daughter and rubbed the back of her hand. “Yeah, she's Helena.”

“Helena,” Jo said as their daughters fluttered open and she stared up at them.

Alex's phone lit up with a video call from Meredith. He looked over at Jo, they had agreed to the video call beforehand, and although Jo hadn't had any time to shower or even wash her face she knew none of them would care and nodded as he answered the call. They were greeted with the sight of their family. Meredith, Amelia, Lincoln, Maggie, Winston, Jackson, April, Ben, Bailey, Richard, all the kids, and even Levi and Helm joined the call. Everybody cooed and gushed over the baby and the kids talked about how excited they were.

“Have you two decided on a name yet?” Meredith asked as everybody went silent waiting for them to respond.

“Guys say hello to Helena Meredith Karev.”

#alex karev #meredith grey #jolex #grey's anatomy #otp: home and heart #grey's anatomy fanfic #My Fanfiction #My Writing #My Work #jo wilson

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mamamittens · 4 years

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As promised, I’m delivering work summaries of the stories that are currently up to vote about which will be written, completed, and published on AO3 first! See below the cut! Titles may not be the same later on down the line, but it is the best I’ve got so far. And One Piece art-specific characters at the end!

Apricity - My Hero Academia

In a world where most of the population has a superpower and heroism is a viable career path, Yuki happens to be lucky enough to be one of the 80 percent born with incredible power. But she doesn’t really want to be a pro hero, in fact, it’s only made her incredibly lonely. An icy interior being seen as a frigid exterior. In the face of personal tragedy, perhaps the way to a happier life can be found in the halls of UA High. Maybe even friends. And who knows, she might even find out what it takes to be a hero, even without a cape and license.

Cuts Both Ways - One Piece

When the Spade pirates find a small, deserted island, they unexpectedly find another crew member and a chef (finally, some good food). Young, passionate, and talented, Joan is a perfect fit for their crew, even as she prefers to cook over fighting. But they can accept that from their unusually-tall-for-her-young-age crew member. With luck, and maybe even intervention from Whitebeard and his crew, Joan can find out how she got to that lonely island and the mystery of her strange ‘curse’. Perhaps her birth father is the key?

Dresden Ocean Waves - One Piece

Curious and mysterious, Emi seeks only three things. Answers, adventure, and freedom. On her journey to find out her past, and what she is, she finds her way onto the Moby Dick. Even with her eyes set on the past, Emi can’t help but think she can find her past and her future on Whitebeard’s crew. Meanwhile, said crew can’t help but wonder what Emi’s hiding under her hood--and what about the emerald she stole. From a Celestial Dragon no less! Maybe if they convince her to stick around, everyone will be satisfied!

Notice Me Not - One Piece

Calypso is a loyal marine in much the same way a sea king is a good fish. Only by the loosest standards and convenient happenstance wherein she has nowhere better to be. 16 and ready to retire already--and very ready to stop accidentally ending up in secret meetings--she takes the chance to repay her debt to Garp by saving his grandchildren. If she plays her cards right, she might even be able to get off the Moby Dick to retire peacefully on some no-name island for the rest of her life. The marines blissfully unaware that the Ghost of Paradise Lost is no longer actively in their ranks due to her devil fruit! Of course, the hardest part might be leaving before the Whitebeard pirates, as well as her newly adopted brother, get attached. Surely there’s time, right? Right? Why is Ace laughing? Why is Whitebeard laughing?!

The Sibling Type - One Piece

Isabella is a lot of things. Bold. Dramatic. Fond of jewelry, both horrifically expensive and ridiculously cheap. But never let it be said that she leaves good friends hanging. Even if their version of hanging is spending a lot of time around beautiful, dramatic rich kids as strange entertainment because of suspicious financial debt. She’ll gladly juggle her inherited jewelry company-related duties and indulging the wealthy elite’s desire for a good sibling role models to support Haruhi against the very ridiculous rich boys of the Host Club. After all, where would she be without her best friend? If she’s lucky, Haruhi might help her out with some new ideas she has for her company!

Arm Yourself - Pokemon Sword and Shield

Halia, mostly known by Hailey, would usually be described as quiet. Being selectively mute will do that. But there’s no doubt in anyone’s mind that she was going places, though Hop would loudly ask where. To the top isn’t a question, but Hop would like to know how far to run before his best friend reaches her destination, because her ditzy demeanor is a lie. A dirty, filthy lie that only gained traction because he’s one of the few that Halia actually talks to, and no one believes him when he says Halia wrestles her pokemon for fun. She’s either a genius or absolutely crazy, and Hops isn’t sure even she knows most days. Regardless, Galar has no idea what’s coming when they start their journey to fight his brother, and neither do they.

If anyone wonders why all three One Piece characters end up on Whitebeard’s crew, it’s because I’m a slut for found family and a lot happens to the Strat Hat crew that I’m not ready to map out yet. Because good OC fanfics follow the plot and alter it depending on character dynamics, and a lot of the early stuff is very important later on down the line. And One Piece isn’t even done yet, so I’d have to find a stopping point in the main plot of an entire series or be doomed to write a fanfic as long as the source material. And. You. Can’t. Make me! Anyway, here’s the promised picture! I will grudgingly admit that Oden has gotten better at slightly more realistic female anatomy in more recent episodes, but that bust-waist-hip ratio still implies that at least half of their ribs are missing. And there’s not a lot of good reference pictures for gemstones, so just know that’s supposed to be Emi’s hair, literally. Very Land of the Lustrous, which was also an inspiration!

Vote here!

#Poll #one piece #my hero academia #bnha #mha fanfiction #ouran high school host club #ocs #archive of our own #update

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thescholarlystrumpet · 6 years

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Untitled ficlet inspired by this post about Belle writing smut on the train and meeting Mr. Gold - who may have been reading her screen ;-)

Pairing: Rumbelle

Rating: Teen

Belle swallowed a yawn as her laptop booted up with a familiar whir. She’d been up so late last night reading Ruby’s latest chapter, she hadn’t had a chance to work on her own. Their Nanowrimo group met at 6pm and Belle was supposed to share tonight. She’d mostly finished the chapter but there was some heavy editing needed and frankly after describing both orgasms, her attention had waned a bit. The section needed at least an attempt at denouement.

She could already hear Aurora teasing her about how all her post-coital scenes ended the same. Belle’s mouth twisted. Her friend wasn’t wrong - cuddling was all well and good but a little actual conversation might help set up the next scene.

The train groaned to a stop and in her peripheral, Belle noted a handful of people getting on. The seat beside her stayed blessedly unoccupied so she opened the file and started typing.

Her interview was the better part of an hour away but she’d been out of work for nearly two months now and a spot had finally opened up at a publishing company. Her resume wasn’t a perfect match but she had to take the shot. Plus, she figured the commute would be fine as long as she had something to do, like work on her novel.

This was actually to be the third novel in Belle’s repertoire, the first two having been more high fantasy than erotica, but this one held a special place in her heart (among other parts of her anatomy). She’d been hesitant to bring it into the group initially but Ruby had assured her that they would all be excited to share this journey with her. So far, it had proven true. Everyone had been really supportive in their own way.

Belle had been trying to shop the other two novels for some time and had nothing but a pile of rejection letters atop her desk to show for it. She’d even submitted to the publishing house she was interviewing for today, but that had been almost a year ago and she doubted they remembered her. If she thought about it too much, she just got extra nervous so she put that out of her head entirely and continued to immerse herself in her work.

Armando moved inside her slowly, drawing out her pleasure, his mouth trailing her jaw with hot, biting kisses. Jocelyn arched into him, hips tilting to take him deeper. The hand not supporting his weight smoothed down the length of her body to her thigh, hoisting it higher over his hip.

Belle chewed her lower lip, finger poised over the backspace. Was twice in three sentences too many times to say hip? Was there another name for that body part? A sexy name? Butt? Arse? Arse was probably the sexier option but didn’t seem to entirely fit there, anatomically... Maybe she could just take that last bit out...

She underlined it for further consideration and moved forward.

His name on her lips was a ragged breath, her heels digging in to urge him on. She needed more, harder, faster. His hand slid between them to tease her further, easily finding that sensitive bundle of nerves at the apex of her sex. She huffed her impatience and he chuckled warmly against her throat.

Hmmm, apex... sex... too rhymey? She paused again and sighed aloud. Fuck this second guessing. She had no doubt Jefferson would be happy to point that one out if it was jarring.

Finally giving in to her wordless pleading, Armando pulled out nearly to the tip then plunged forward deep and hard, pistoning his hips (agh! another hip!) in a driving rhythm. Jocelyn gasped her appreciation, one hand curling into the blankets as the other grasped his arse to hold him fast.

Belle shifted slightly in her seat, lifting one thigh and lowering one hand subtly to measure how realistic that position might be. Well, if Jocelyn was flexible and Armando wasn’t very tall... yeah, that would work fine. Her cheeks went hot as she realized how long it had been since she’d had a real-life experience to which she could compare.

Ok, so blah blah blah ... grasped his arse to hold him fast... ‘arse’ was probably the best fit there, right? She just couldn’t imagine typing ‘butt’ with a straight face. God, how old was she??

She was just pondering pulling up thesaurus.com on her mobile when the movement of train jostled her into an unexpected shoulder beside hers, her laptop sliding halfway into a stranger’s lap before she quickly pulled it back. An embarrassingly high-pitched squeak escaped her at the collision.

How had she not even noticed a whole person there? She cringed inwardly at the thought he might have seen her screen. Not so much because she was writing porn in a public place but because it wasn’t finished, dammit! No one should see her work at less than its best unless they were in her writing group.

A man cleared his throat and low voice murmured, “Beg pardon.”

“No, no,” Belle stammered, tilting her laptop screen down slightly. “I bumped into you,” she looked up at the face of the stranger beside her with a polite smile.

He was older than she was, elegantly handsome, with just a hint of silver at the temples of his long brown hair. His expensive suit and gold-tipped cane could have given him an air of stuffiness, but there was a gentle warmth to his eyes that Belle felt herself leaning toward.

Seriously, how had she not even noticed a hot guy with a cane when he plopped down beside her? Wow, Belle. Good job. This was why there was no real life Armando, right now. Not that her romantic hero could be replicated off the page in his entirety - a dashing anti-hero with a heart of gold and a penchant for snark was not something she’d yet encountered outside of a novel. But a girl could keep hoping.

The man beside her offered her a bemused look and she realized she’d perhaps been looking at him a tad too long without actually saying anything else.

“So, um, yeah. My apologies, that is.” Belle felt her cheeks flush.

He inclined his head, dark eyes still carrying a flicker of amusement. “Accepted.” He opened his mouth again as though to add something then seemed to think the better of it and looked away.

Belle looked down at her half closed laptop, glance sliding to and from the man at her side. “At least..., uh,” she started to speak and the man looked at her once more, “at least you weren’t carrying a coffee or something. We’d both be in trouble.”

He nodded and hummed his agreement. “At that point we may well have had a lawsuit on our hands....”

Belle’s eyes widened at that leap and she worried if she’d somehow read him all wrong. “I...”

He held up a hand. “Just teasing, dear. ” A wicked grin somehow made him even handsomer and Belle felt her stomach give a little flip. “You did look a bit like a deer in headlights, there for a moment.”

She laughed sheepishly, feeling young and ridiculous but also very, very warm. “Oh, that’s just my face. I have resting deer face. Family trait.”

He laughed back at that. “What an inheritance.” A pause as he shifted slightly in his seat, his Adam’s apple bobbing. “I wouldn’t lament it much, if I were you. You, ah, wear it well.”

Belle’s face grew even hotter and she looked down then back up. “Thank you, Mister...?” She extended a hand to shake his.

Before he could answer, the train came to another stop. This time, Belle was prepared, grabbing the laptop with both hands and planting both feet to steady herself.

The stranger beside her frowned as he looked at the station sign. “I’m afraid this is my stop today. I’ve an errand to run before work.” He pulled himself to standing, leaning on his cane, as people began loading onto the train car. The man’s free hand fished a card out of one suit pocket and he offered it to her.

“Please, feel free to contact me here. You, ah,” he cleared his throat as his own cheeks seemed to take on some added color, “you show promise as a writer.”

With that, he was swallowed up by the flow of traffic and Belle was left gaping, his business card hanging limply from her fingertips. She blew out a breath and flipped the card over to examine it.

Gold and Mills Publishing

R.M. Gold, CEO

The same Gold and Mills with whom she had an interview in two hours. The same Gold and Mills who had rejected her last two manuscripts without so much as a personalized letter.

“Well. Fuck me,” Belle muttered, earning a less than pleasant look from the elderly woman who had taken up the seat beside her.

Today had certainly taken an interesting turn.

#rumbelle fic #rumbelle #rumbelle prompt #rumbelle ficlet #belle x mr. gold #writing is hard

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antivanbrandy · 6 years

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this is... very long. read more at your own risk xD

honestly that addition to that post is really shaking me up because like, holy shit, this is something i have been beating myself up over for a long time. and in before any assumptions, no i do not begrudge these kids their skills or their success, it’s awesome they’re doing so well, and yes i support them, and no i don’t see them as competition! but i am absolutely my own hardest critic and i am constantly disappointed in myself, constantly disappointed it’s taken me 30 years to even start to find the right paths let alone head down them, it’s taken me twice as long to be half as skilled. i don’t have to be competing against others to feel let down by my own lack of progress

it never occurred to me before that i didn’t have a fraction of the readily available resources or support systems of today during my formative art years

i lived in a very strict household. there were two sets of rules there; the ones for everyone else, and the ones for me. i wont go into the guts of it, save to say that my stepfather saw me as competition for my mother’s affection and got satisfaction from taking it out on me

anyway, back on track: even in my earliest memories, i was constantly drawing. all day, every day. but my mother was poor and we didn’t have much. i drew what i could remember of the characters in the disney movies i’d seen, and i had two on vhs, aladdin, and the beauty and the beast. i watched them over and over and drew my lil heart out, but had no real references

when my mother met and married my step father in the mid 90s, the vhs’s were taken away. i was no longer allowed to watch movies, i was not allowed to watch tv. we didn’t have the internet at home, and we had no books. i wasn’t even allowed on the front lawn on my own, so when i say i had no references to draw from, i’m not exaggerating. but i kept on drawing, kept on trying to draw those characters i loved from memory. i did my baby best

in the early 00s i made a new friend at school, and she introduced me to anime. i fell in love with it. she would tape card captor sakura and digimon and bring them into school so i could watch them (we would get to homeroom an hour early and use the tv and vhs player in the room before the school day began). my art style turned into a lanky spiky terrible tryhard anime mess, but i was living. i continued to draw my little heart out, and fill my days with escapist self insert daydreams about my fave animes

this entire time, through both the disney and anime phases of my life, i was going through roughly an entire 500 sheet ream of printer paper every month to two months, as that’s all i had to draw on. i’m not exaggerating when i say i drew a lot. every spare moment i had was devoted to it, and i had huge folder upon folder upon folder full of my drawings

it didn’t affect my grades btw, i was an A&B student

a year or so into this anime phase, i got my first job, and used my pay to buy myself one of those terrible ‘how to draw manga’ books every other payday. i poured over every detail in them, absorbed them like a sponge. they were all i had to reference, all i had to grow from

bloody fucking hell, if i could only go back and slap those damn books out of my stupid, desperate, impressionable little hands, i would. they were poison. they taught me terrible clunky, wildly incorrect habits and practices. they helped crystalise so many bad anatomy habits that i am still to this day trying to unlearn. there’s no doubt in my mind that they, and my naive lauding of them, helped me stagnate and lost me years of potential progress

my parents wanted me to draw realism, but didn’t seem to understand that to draw realistically i needed to... you know... have references to draw from. i was not allowed to draw them, and i was not allowed to leave the house, and i was not allowed to buy any more books. they saw my inability to pull photo-realistic portraits from my ass memory as a personal slight against them

early-mid 00s i found deviantart through the school’s internet and got my first taste of community among artists, and i was instantly enamoured. i didnt have any art friends at school, it was just me. but suddenly, there was art at my fingertips! i made friends, made small progress toward improving. and then my stepfather found out, stormed into school, and demanded they block my access to the site. they did

i was banned from drawing at home. he took my shitty how to draw manga books away and was set to punish me if i drew. i was also at this time being threatened with being pulled out of school and sent somewhere ‘i had no friends'. i was barrelling towards graduation and my part time job took up most of my free time after school and on weekends, and i no longer had my fun hobby and stress relief outlet in drawing, or my art friends on deviantart. i drew when i could, like in a friends school diary, or on receipt paper at work, but my stepfather had a way of knowing everything and punishing me for all of it (this goes well beyond the art thing, but like i said i wont get into the guts of it because it's bleak as shit)

i left home less than six months after i graduated high school, and i had a brief foray into drawing cutesy gory horror themed stuff, but by then i was so used to not drawing that i just... stopped. i was working myself into exhaustion, going to uni, learning to manage living out of home, partying with friends, and juggling it all with my first serious relationship. finding time to draw felt impossible, and because my entire post-stepfather childhood consisted of me having everything i showed interest in derided and taken away, i was used to just... doing without. i just shut down and lost interest to protect myself, because pining is terrible

i all but stopped drawing for about six years. the occasional geometric pattern doodle while i was on the phone, or an eye. no proper drawings

in the end, the thing that got me back into it was when skyrim released in 2011. and it was hard. i knew i didn’t want to draw anime or kitschy cute horror stuff any more, that i had to find my own style, but it was so difficult to develop. i was in my mid 20s at this point, my shitty habits and expectations felt fixed and i didn’t know where to start. i gave deviantart another shot, but it didn’t feel like it fit any more, everyone i knew there was gone i couldn’t find my place. i met some friends, moved over to tumblr. bought my first tablet for my 25th birthday. bought some anatomy books, loomis and hogarth, but to this day i’ve not read them properly. tried to follow artist’s whose style’s i admired. i finally had access to tools and support i needed to improve

six years later, i’m still struggling. it seems insurmountable sometimes. i know i’ve made progress in that six years, but it feels... too little too late. i struggle with wanting to quit every day, and even now i only draw once or twice a month. the amount of art behind me could fill several landfills, they do make a sizeable chunk of at least one. but the road ahead is so overwhelming, and so long. i don’t know where to really start to get better. i know i should study realism, but at this point, even though i now have the tools, the references, at my fingertips thanks to, y’know, being an adult with internet access, i feel trapped by that little girl who kept getting all her attempts to improve shot down. i still feel like that silly little girl who wasted time and money on learning bad habits and bad anatomy. i feel held back, which is foolish, but i do

to wonder what i could have become with access to all this back when i was a teen? with a little support? i can’t even imagine tbh

but realising that i still managed to make it this far despite being cut off and isolated from any kind of community during my formative art years is comforting, in its own way. the thought of where to go from here is still so daunting, but at least i have access to the means for the time being. and who knows? maybe one day it’ll all click, and i’ll be able to make sense of the mechanics of all this. a girl can hope

#long post #like.... really long post. best to skip i reckon #tbd///#Reggie waffles to no one in particular

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perplexingpegasusartshow-blog · 6 years

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I’m such a noob when it comes to oil paints I swear. If I were standing before anyone who’s had twice the years of experience, they would probably tell me I've got it all WRONG. LOL - But that’s alright with me, because everyone has their own path they take when it comes to painting, there are NO rules. (Or so I'd like to think) Remember that. It’s whatever floats your boat. And this just so happens to be what works for me.

I’ve been working on this painting of the rap artist J.Cole all morning. In all my years of dabbling in various genres of Art, this is my first Oil Painting I've ever done. I’m so use to working with Acrylics so it is quite the switch up for me. None the less, I am enjoying every second of this tedious work. I have never taken an class for oils before.In the process of learning as I go, I am going to share a few of my very own tips and tricks in my style of painting. If I ever inspire one of you mad artists out there who are always up for trying something new or if your a struggling artist, an artist whos still trying to find a style and feel of your own, please feel free to use me. If you ever have any questions, comments or concerns feel free to message me, I am always open for discussion.

HOW I STARTED: I literally sat in my room every night after work for a week and watched about a handful of videos on how to paint with oils, tips and tricks, some beginners “essentials”. That weekend I raced to a A.C. Moore about 15 minutes form my house and bought about 27-30 different colors of Winsor & Newton oil paints. Yes full sized. I bought a jar with coil in it to spot clean my brushes, sesame oil as a medium, paint thinner and brush cleaner. and a few knifes just in case I needed to start over.

(I WILL BE POSTING A PHOTO OF ALL OF MY SUPPLIES SOON AS A VISUAL FOR THOSE INTERESTED)

IN NO SHAPE OR FORM DO I RECOMMENED ANYONE TO DO WHAT I DID.

A. Shit is expensive af. budget yourself. I spent a little over $300 in that one day. (I do get discounts for being a loyalty member) B. Product knowledge is very important. Take your time and know what it is your getting into. There is a lot that goes into oil painting like making sure your in a really well ventilated area to paint so that those fumes aren’t “killing” you over time. if your painting in a box it can cause dizziness, nausea, trouble breathing and potentially pneumonia. I just happen to have very low leveled patience when it comes to getting my ideas across canvas or paper I get really restless and anxious. When I try to wait these things out it gets bad for me. I get anxiety and suffer spurts of depression. My reasoning isn't very valid but that's just me. & Yes, I do paint in my room but I have 3 very big windows that I keep opened up for ventilation and my bedroom door stays open till a majority of the fumes air out.

So let’s get down to a few questions that have been asked of me before I begin this journey with you all.

WHY OIL PAINTING? - I decided to pick up oil painting 1. Because I am always down to try something new, you really never know until you try it because it may be just right for you. 2. I literally fall in love every time I go to an art show, gallery, or I could simply be scrolling through my Instagram one day and I see all of this straight up beautiful detailed work with dope ass textures and vibrant pops of colors. And the paint looks so fluid on canvas no matter the style of the artist I just always found it breathtaking and unlike any other. I mean yes, you can achieve much with acrylic but if you have ever seen an oil painting you would know that... its just DIFFERENT. And typically with oil paint you can get far more detailed in realistic portraits, i feel. And so I said to myself “Hey, I want to do that” so I just went for it. But it wasn’t an easy “OK I am going to start today-” kind of thing. I, of course, doubted myself over a thousand times and put it off so much, it actually took me about 1 year to sike myself into ACTUALLY starting.

ARE YOU GIVING UP ACRYLIC PAINTING? - No, never that. I am just broadening my horizons. I am pretty sure I'll be doing a lot of back and forth between the two but for right now till I get my mojo down packed, I will be putting a lot more of my focus into my Oil painting and studying proportions of the human anatomy and facial structures. (Something I've always struggled with) To this day, I am still searching for my style and flow. I am still searching for my signature, my individual mark as an artist. I believe that to be essential. Because its what sets you apart from everything and everyone else. People go to see peoples work because it is a reflection of them. Something only they can create you know? That’s just how I like to think of it. Fight me if you disagree. :P

#oiloncanvas #oil painting #oilpainter #painting #paint tips and tricks #acrylic #paintershacks #Artplug #spontaneousrealism

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imaginarybird · 7 years

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Unwilling and unable to face everyone on her own when it comes time to attend Auggie and Ava’s wedding, Riley Matthews hires a solution in Lucas Friar. Loosely based on The Wedding Date.

Part One // Part Two // Part Three // Part Four // Part Five // Part Six

Rating: Around a PG 13/14

Notes: So this took a little while, but honestly…a lot happens in this chapter. Like… a lot a lot. But in any case, thanks so much to everyone who has been supporting the fic, especially @sand1128 for getting me through the worst of my doubts about what I’m doing, as always.

Please take notice of the fact that this chapter contains a semi-graphic scene of medical trauma and treatment. There is blood and discussion of injuries. If you’re squeamish, you can skip over it without losing too much content--it’s the third scene of the chapter, starting with ‘“What happened?” Riley demands…’ and ending with ‘when he gives his instruction. “Turn.”’

Also, please note that while I did a bit of research to accurately talk about treating the injuries, nothing in this story is done following any real protocols and the way some things are done is most definitely Grey’s Anatomy or ER style, i.e. for dramatization purposes rather than realistic medical integrity. This should not in any way be considered medical advice. Do not try what you’re about to read.

Anyways….

In this chapter, Lucas feels awkward, Riley saves the day, and then Riley and Lucas climb up a tree.

“Not everyone can be the princess, or have a fairy godmother to grant all their wishes, or have a prince burst in and give them everything they’ve always wanted. Some people are just the ugly stepsister in someone else’s story.”

Lucas can hardly believe the words as they come out of Riley’s mouth. How can a woman, who’s so beautiful--so wonderful--think so little of herself? “You don’t really believe that, do you?” He asks, unable to stop himself from furrowing his brow. The context of the conversation is ridiculous (it’s not like fairy tales were ever a big thing for him growing up or anything that he ever bought into) but the root of the matter is clear; Riley somehow doesn’t think that she’s the star of her own story. Just a bit part in someone else’s.

Now, more than ever, he wishes Riley were more interested in explaining her past, because he’d love to know who had convinced her to think that way so he could show them all the ways that they’re wrong.

Riley sighs, pushing herself to her feet. “Could you not…?”

“Could I not what?” Lucas follows after her. They start down the beach, back towards the party and the bed and breakfast.

“Do the whole… ‘Oh my gosh, but you’re so great Riley! Of course you’re not the stepsister. Your happy ending is totally coming!’” Riley throws on a mocking, tired effect as she apes her example. She takes a sip of her drink before returning her tone to normal. “You were just trying to convince me that that kind of thinking is a waste of people’s time and energy. Don’t insult me by turning around and telling me that you didn’t mean it was a waste of time for me.”

“I meant obsessing over it and spending your life waiting for the happy ending to come to you instead of living your life and going after what you want is waste of time.” Lucas explains. “Not that there’s no room for hope.”

“I have plenty of hope, Lucas. Just not for that.”

Lucas stops walking. He can’t explain it. Why his chest aches to hear Riley admit that she doesn’t have hope for herself in that way or why he wants to do everything in his power to fix things and change that. He’s heard about all manner of unfulfilling lives and sad life stories from his client and he’s never felt the need to do anything outside the scope of his job for them; that’s just not who he is. But here, and now… with everything he’s seen so far this week and Riley in front of him… Even after all the attempts he’s made to remind himself of his role, all Lucas wants to do is sweep Riley away from this mess of a family and find a way to prove to her that she’s so much more than what they’ve convinced her of.

“Riley--,”

“I’m really tired, Lucas.” Riley spins on her heels, flashing him a sad (and ultimately false, he thinks) smile. “I’m just gonna go back to the room and get to bed.”

Riley turns back once more and walks down the beach, leaving Lucas behind, wondering what on earth he can possibly do.

Try as he might, Lucas can’t figure out how to start another conversation with Riley, least of all about anything of substance. At first this was because he had no approachable opportunity.

On his way to follow her back to their room, he had been sidetracked by Ava, asking myriad questions about what he would be wearing to the wedding, right down to the socks that he had brought (and Lucas had started drifting off partway through the conversation when Ava had started wondering whether or not his jacket used matte or shiny thread but he’s almost positive he agreed to swap out the laces on his formal shoes to something more ‘beach chic’ appropriate, whatever that means, before the conversation finally came to a close). By the time he did manage to get back to the room, Riley was already in bed and if she wasn’t asleep she was doing a very fine job pretending that she was, so Lucas had little choice but to go through his nightly routine and climb into bed beside her.

Then the morning came, and try as he might, Lucas just isn’t a morning person. He hasn’t been ever since leaving Texas and the ranch where mornings were more of a necessity than an option, so even though his body was awake bright and early as the alarm clock in the room dictated, his mind didn’t really join him until after breakfast when they were engaged in a dance rehearsal at Ava’s behest. At that point both he and Riley were too engaged in making sure that they were in the right position, doing the right step at the right moment to discuss anything else.

Now they’re on a chartered schooner with the extended Matthews family (minus Maya, who claimed an unsteady stomach wouldn’t do well out on the water and opted to stay on shore) for the entire afternoon. One last private activity for the family before the rest of the wedding guests start arriving. And although they’re fairly isolated from everyone else, choosing to enjoy the view of the water from a padded bench on one side instead of eating at the ‘set-up for a party’ bow with the entire clan and watching several of the men engage in a clam shucking contest, they aren’t exactly talking much.

At least, not about anything of substance.

Riley seems quite content to chatter on about any benign subject from explaining why the music choices for the opening dances at the reception are significant for the young couple, to giving him more detailed accounts as to how her aunt and uncles and other extended family met their spouses (although she noticeably stays away from Josh and Maya) to telling him about some of the more exciting days she’s had since she started working in a busy emergency room.

Anything, Lucas thinks, to keep them from going back to the subject of the previous night or anything related to it, and he can’t find a way to steer them back that direction as he so eagerly wants to do. How else can he figure out a way to help her?

Riley is in the middle of explaining how they handle Halloween in a pediatric ER, when the ship hits a particularly large and choppy wave, leaving her lurching sideways to fall across his lap. The ensuing blushing and giggling disentanglement of limbs is enough to halt the filler conversation, and to remind Lucas exactly what a dangerous line it is he’s straddling; Riley is really creeping her way into his head and heart, becoming so much more engaging and interesting and attractive than any client before her has. All without any negligible effort on her part.

“Sorry.” She apologizes as they both straighten. She sends him a demure, dimpled smile as she tucks a strand of hair that’s blown out of her ponytail back behind her ear. “What was I talking about?”

Lucas doesn’t want to answer. Partly because she didn’t seem nearly so comfortable while running down her laundry list of distraction topics, and partly because this seems like as good of an opportunity as any to try and move the conversation where he wants to go. But, possibly sensing his intent to move them back towards a subject she’d rather avoid, Riley speaks again before he can find his path.

“Nevermind. I wanted to thank you, anyways.”

“Thank me?”

“For actually listening to me last night and not...trying to fix me or whatever.” Riley leans back in her seat, then looks over at him. “I know you don’t agree with what I said last night and that you wanted to say something and try and change my mind, and it means a lot to me that when I asked you not to you respected that.”

Oh.

Now Lucas just feels like a tool for wanting to broach the subject in the first place.

Riley thinks his silence on the issue was him respecting her wishes (and how low is the bar that that alone is enough to mean a lot to her? he wonders) when in reality he just didn’t know how to do what he wanted. And now she’s thanking him for it which means he absolutely cannot go back to that conversation without looking like the biggest asshole in the world and Lucas knows he can’t do that. He doesn’t want to hurt or disappoint Riley like that.

“You don’t need to thank me for that, Riley.” He settles on, hoping that his face doesn’t give any of his surprise or uncertainty away. “My number one job here is to make sure that you’re comfortable. We’re not gonna talk about anything that you don’t want to talk about.” He means it this time too. He’s not going to do anything that will jeopardize the trust that Riley has been building in him.

“Well, I really appreciate that.”

A beat passes. Lucas hesitates for a brief moment, but ultimately reaches over and grabs her hand. “So... with that settled, what do you want to talk ab--,” He doesn’t get to finish the thought.

Another wave rocks the schooner, only this time instead of falling into each other’s laps again, Lucas and Riley hear a shriek, followed quickly by someone crying out, “Oh god!”, at the same time that there’s a second, anguished scream.

“What happened?” Riley demands as they arrive at the bow of the ship and the root of the clamor and screaming. She’s holding Lucas’ hand as she pushes through the chaos of caterwauling family members buzzing around a small catering table, but drops it in the same moment she speaks: just as they spot the bright slicks of blood.

Her dad and Uncle Josh are both clutching at drenched, blood-soaked hands. Even at a distance Lucas can tell that Cory’s wound is worse; he has a nasty looking knife jammed in the base of his hand. With a pale face and glassy eyes, he looks ready to drop at any moment.

Eric answers as Riley rushes towards them. “Their knives both slipped with that last wave.”

“Someone get me the first aid kit!” Riley grabs her father by the forearms. “Let’s sit down before we fall down, OK?” She starts to lower him to deck and kneels beside him. She glances back to Lucas. “Help Josh, please.”

Lucas darts over to do as told. Josh is already starting to sit, but he helps him the rest of the way when he sees the man sway a little too much.

“Knife! There is a knife in my arm!” Cory’s eyes are transfixed on his arm.

“Close your eyes and try not to think about it.” Riley instructs. “I’m gonna look at it a little bit. You’ll feel my hands near the wound. If anything I do hurts I need you to tell me.” She grabs his injured hand and starts to inspect the wound. “Lucas, tell me about Josh. How does he look?” She doesn’t turn away from her exam, just asks the question, while doing her work.

Eyes clenched shut, Cory groans. “Take it out. Take it out.”

“That would be a bad idea.” Riley answers.

Lucas pries the hand Josh is clenching to his injury off to take a look. He finds a jagged gash, flowing with dark blood. “Like he sliced his hand with a big knife.”

“How deep? Can you see anything? Bone or fat?”

He tries to probe it, but just gets another spurt of red. “I can’t see anything past the blood.”

“Get a bottle of water and pour it over the wound to clean it.”

Cory continues to moan about getting the knife out of his arm. Riley continues to ignore that and work. Eric tosses Lucas a bottle of water, which he unscrews the lid off of the moment he catches, tossing it aside.

“Are you sure you should be doing that Riley?” Topanga asks. “The hand has a lot of delicate nerves and blood vessels…”

“Take it out. Take it out. Take it out.”

“I’m a nurse, I know what I’m doing.” Riley huffs, blowing her loose hair away from her face. “I’m not going to take it out, Dad. I’m going to tape it in place. Where are we on that first aid kit?!”

“It’s coming!” Someone shouts from the down the boat.

Riley glances over. “Lucas, how is that cut looking?”

Pouring the water over the wound and sending a runny flood of crimson down Josh’s arm, Lucas can’t see anything that doesn’t look fleshy, angry, and red. He relays the message.

“You’re only a pediatric nurse.” Topanga interjects loudly.

“Here’s the first aid kit.” Linda arrives bag in hand and breathing heavily from her sprint.

Riley rolls her eyes, muttering. “Because the structures of the hand only magically spring into place when a patient turns eighteen?” She holds one hand out behind her. “Give me some gauze and the medical tape, then take the rest of the gauze over to Lucas.” As Linda digs through the bag and provides the supplies, Riley gives her instructions. “Lucas, you’ll need to pack the gauze tightly over the wound. Then you’ll want to elevate the hand so it’s resting above Josh’s heart and continue to apply pressure. That’ll control the bleeding until I can come take a look.”

“Captain wants to know if he should turn back to the marina.” Morgan announces.

“Absolutely.”

“Riley, I just think that all of this would be better left to the real profess--,”

“There is a knife in my arm and it needs to come out now.”

“Dad, no!”

Riley’s protests come too late. By the time Lucas can look over to see what’s happening, Cory has torn the knife out of his own hand and blood is arcing out, spraying across Riley’s form. The crowd shrieks, moans, and otherwise panics while Riley dives across to clamp her hand around the now open and spurting wound.

“Lucas, I’m gonna need your help over here!”

Lucas hands Josh over to Eric and scrambles over to Riley. She has both hands holding some soaked gauze to her dad’s wrist, and he can see more blood pushing up through. “What do you need?”

“The knife was in his radial artery. Is there a blood pressure cuff in the first aid kit? I need to temporarily cut off blood flow so I can bandage the wound properly.”

“Like a tourniquet?”

“Hopefully for not nearly as long, but yeah.”

Linda produces a blood pressure cuff and tosses it over. The Matthews’ family falls into a thick silence. “What am I doing?”

“Wrap it just above his elbow and pump it up until I tell you to stop.”

All Lucas can hear is the lapping of the waves and the air-filled ghostly puff of the blood-pressure cuff as he inflates it. Cory’s mouth is flapping as he stares, white-faced, at the bloody mess Riley is trying to control, but no noise is coming out.

“Stop!” Riley orders. “Leave it there.” She lifts the soaked matted mess of gauze away from her dad’s hand and drops it to the deck beside her; the wound now trickles rather than bursts with fluid. “Perfect. Now I’m just going to pack the wound with as much sterile gauze as we have,” she holds one hand back again for Linda to start supplying her, “and wrap it as tightly as I can with an ace bandage. Meanwhile, I need someone to keep time for Lucas.”

“Time for what?” Morgan asks.

Riley doesn’t stop working, barely pausing to wipe at her forehead with the back of her wrist. “Every twenty seconds, he needs to turn the release valve on the blood pressure cuff a quarter turn to let some of the blood flow back to dad’s hand.”

“Riley, he’ll lose more blood that way!” Topanga protests.

“Turn it now,” Riley instructs softly before addressing the complaint. “And if I leave him with the blood supply to his hand cut off we risk damaging the tissue or forming a blood clot that could cause him to have a stroke. I know what I’m doing.”

“I’ve got the timer.” Shawn steps up, pulling out his phone.

“But Riley--,”

“But nothing, mother!” Riley nearly shouts as she continues to pack the wound. “I am the medical professional here, you are merely the uneducated wife of the patient, and if you want this done correctly so your husband gets to keep his hand, you need to step back, shut up, and let me do my job!”

The thick silence of moments before has nothing on the air of stunned quiet that hits the group now. Lucas risks a peek at everyone’s faces and finds them all staring at Riley, mouths agape. Topanga looks particularly floored and flummoxed.

Riley works on, breathing heavily but seemingly oblivious.

Shawn coughs once and Lucas could almost swear his voice breaks a little when he gives his instruction. “Turn.”

“Quite a day, huh?” Lucas comments as Riley emerges from their bathroom, showered and changed from her earlier clothes to a more casual (and less bloodstained) outfit. After dealing with the immediate problem of stemming the blood flow from her father’s injury, Riley had been able to properly evaluate Josh’s cut and take care of both family members until the ship’s captain returned them to the marina and she could transfer their care to the waiting paramedics. The work had left her a blood-covered mess, but it had also given him, and the entire family, a front row seat to a whole other side to Riley; gone was the nervous, subservient little girl… in the face of a real crisis Riley was confident, calm, and efficient. She knew what had to be done and didn’t hesitate to make it happen.

It had been quite the scene to watch and be a part of.

“I know, right?” Riley is almost grinning as she answers. “A beautiful trip on a schooner, topped off with a clam shucking contest gone awry...who would have thought I’d get to practice my triage and treatment out on open water at my little brother’s wedding?”

“It’s...definitely not the story your coworkers will be expecting when you get back.”

“And the day’s not even done. We still have the big ‘Welcome to the Cape’ party at that restaurant in a couple hours.”

The party Riley’s referring to is Ava’s way of greeting all of the wedding guests who have arrived throughout the day. According to the itinerary Lucas had been e-mailed not long after his confirmation as Riley’s date for the week, the patio of a local restaurant has been rented for a night of dinner, drinks and ‘one or two fun surprises’. By far not the worst activity to be saddled with, even after the craziness of their day. Lucas just can’t believe it actually is still happening after their misadventure on the cruise; he would have thought that with her future father-in-law requiring outpatient surgery (and her witnessing the initial trauma on top of that) Ava would be holding court, giving dramatic retellings and frantically wondering how Cory’s splint and Josh’s stitches will affect the aesthetics of the wedding. Not to mention how the rest of the family felt, seeing Cory in what appeared to be dire straits. Lucas isn’t particularly close with family, but he can definitely imagine the emotional journey he would go on if he were to see him involved in a gory accident like had happened today. He’s certain the only reason Riley is as calm as she seems is because she’s so used to dealing with similar scenarios at work that somehow, she had gone into nurse-mode and saw Cory as just another patient to deal with.

“Are they really up for hosting a party after such an... eventful day?”

Riley flops down onto the bed with a bounce. “I would have thought your bar for ‘eventful’ would have been set a little higher, Lucas. Aren’t you the guy who helped a horse give birth all by yourself when you were eleven?” She turns onto her side so she’s facing the side where he’s sitting, resting her head on her hand.

“Oh, so you’re saying a severed artery isn’t an event? Or getting to save the day by bossing your family around? Or standing up for yourself and telling your mom to shut up?”

“You were doing a nice job making your point until you made up that last one.” Riley rolls onto her back. “I’d never tell my mom to shut up.”

Lucas side-eyes her. Does she really not remember telling off Topanga? “Well...you did.”

“I couldn’t have.”

“Your exact words were ‘step back, shut up, and let me do my job’.” Lucas recites, watching as a look of panicked realization slides down across Riley’s features.

“Oh god.” She bolts upright and scrambles off the bed. “I yelled at my mother. I told my mother to shut up.” She starts to pace at the foot of the bed. “I slipped right into work mode and didn’t even think about what I was doing.”

It would almost be comical, although Lucas knows Riley’s worry is quite genuine; in a lot of ways he’s still getting to know her, but from what he can tell, the part of her with confidence, who can assert herself and handle whatever gets thrown at her...doesn’t exist around her family. Something in her still wants to please them, or gets incredibly intimidated by them, or something and she just becomes quiet and small. So for her to have stood up for herself, especially with her mother who Lucas can’t recall her even making token attempts to defend herself during the conversations he had been a part of, and especially when she wasn’t doing it entirely deliberately (if her lack of immediate recollection is any indication) has to legitimately be distressing for Riley.

He slides to the end of the bed to be closer to her. “I’m sure it’s not that big of a deal. Everyone gets told to shut up once in a while.”

“Not Topanga.” Riley shakes her head. “She’s always the one in charge. No one doubts her or tells her to shut up. It doesn’t matter what the question or problem is. If they disagree with her, they shut up and deal with it. It’s her way or no way at all.”

OK, well that sounds a little over dramatic and a bit like Riley is letting her childhood impressions color her point-of-view now. Nobody is that intimidating or domineering. “Riley, she’s an adult. Don’t you think she can recognize that you were both in a high stress sit--,”

“You don’t get it, Lucas. You’ve talked to her once or twice. You don’t really know her. When I say nobody yells at her, I mean nobody. I’ve heard stories that Feeny got away with it once, but that’s Feeny, anything involving him is a whole other ball game anyways.”

“What’s a Feeny?” From the way Riley stops her pacing to cross her arms over her chest and send him what can only be described as a burning glare, Lucas determines that this is the wrong question to ask. Time to inject a little rationality into the conversation. He hops to his feet and closes the distance between them, gently placing his hands on her elbows. “Riley, I think you’re looking at this from the wrong perspective.”

“I don’t see how you can know th--,”

“What I’m hearing you say,” Lucas begins, guiding her to sit on the foot of the bed, “is that your mom is going to be very upset with you for standing up to her and telling her that she was wrong.”

“Monumentally upset.”

Lucas nods, giving Riley the perfunctory correction. “OK, she’s going to be monumentally upset with you. I guess I just don’t understand why that’s such a big deal. I know I don’t have the story as to why, but it’s painfully obvious to me that she already doesn’t think any of the choices that you make are the right ones. You already have a relationship that’s so strained that you moved across the country to get away from it. If she’s mad at you about this one little thing, on top of the problems that already exist between you, exactly what difference does it make?”

Riley’s mouth opens to say something, but closes a half a moment later. She does this two more times in slow progression, her frenzied expression giving way to one of deep thought.

“Your mom strikes me as the kind of woman that doesn’t forgive someone she thinks has wronged her unless they come crawling on their hands and knees, ready to jump through an obstacle course of flaming hoops and beg her to accept their apology.” Lucas says, threading his fingers through Riley’s. “And you strike me as the kind of woman who’s strong enough, and smart enough to know deep down that doing that and sacrificing who you are will never be worth it. If you weren’t, you would have done your penance with her a long time ago. So you’re already at an impasse. It might not feel good, knowing that you’ve probably renewed her anger with you, but does it actually change anything?”

Riley still doesn’t answer him, not right away. “How do you do that?” She asks, voice quiet.

There’s something about the softness in her eyes when she looks at him, the sparkling mix of gentle awe and understanding that suddenly makes it hard for Lucas to focus. That’s not how women usually look at him. “Do what?”

“Get me to calm down and make everything seem so simple.” She replies, adding a tender smile. “You always seem to know exactly what to say. Are you this insightful with everyone you go out with?”

“I don’t think I’ve understood any of them the way I understand you.” The response just...slips out. No qualifiers, no exceptions, just the bare bones. I understand you. In that instant it feels like all of the air is sucked out of the room, and Lucas could almost swear that Riley’s breath hitches but he doesn’t dare entertain the thought or kid himself like that.

Especially when Riley looks away, closing her eyes.

How could he have gotten so relaxed? So stupid? This is a job, not a date. If he doesn’t get better about seeing Riley as nothing more than a client he’s going to be in for a world of hurt when they part ways at the end of the week.

“I know you probably say things like that to all of your clients,” she says, eyes still closed, “but thank you for saying it to me. Even if you don’t mean it, it’s nice to not feel so weird and out there for the way I feel. At least for a few minutes.”

“I don’t.” He answers, again before he can really think about it. “Say things like that to all of my clients.” So much for distancing himself. “And I do mean it. I feel like even though we may not share the same experiences, our stories are the same.”

Riley glances over at him, jaw slack. Barely a beat passes before she jumps to her feet, drawing her hand away from his. “I, um, I should call Auggie. See how dad’s surgery went. And then I think I’m gonna walk on the beach for a little while.”

She exits the room in a whirlwind. Lucas can’t even acknowledge what she said or say goodbye, she moves so quickly. And he’s left wondering exactly what just happened. How did they go from feeling so comfortable and connected to so stilted in such a short span of time?

The answer eventually comes to him as he falls back so he’s lying down, staring up at the ceiling.

Feelings.

More specifically, his feelings.

He’s so used to dealing with his clients forming crushes and thinking something exists where there’s nothing but play-pretend romance--so used to letting them down gently and keeping things professional on the job--that he never even thought about what would happen if he was the one who started to develop affection for a client. About how awkward that would be for the poor person who’s just trying to get through whatever awkward interaction they didn’t want to face alone that led them to hiring him in the first place. He’s so used to never even having to consider his feelings for a client because he’s never seen them as anything more than a business transaction that he barely even realized how much more Riley had become to him, or that he had a problem he needed to control before he had already let them run loose and made an awkward mess of it.

No wonder Riley had bolted from the room.

Lucas reaches for his phone to call his business partner. The call the day before had been a standard check-in they do when he goes on extended trips with a client; now he’ll ask for one piece of backup he never thought he’d have to ask for. The speech they’d written together about all the reasons it is a terrible idea to fall for a client.

Lucas quickly decides that he’ll listen to that and get his head on straight, and then do everything he can to show Riley that everything can be just as normal as it was and nothing has changed. He can be professional. He has to be.

The last thing he wants is to lose the friendship they’ve started to form.

“‘Cause I’ve had the time of my life,

And I’ve searched through every open door,”

“I can’t believe Auggie and Ava brought a karaoke machine to their welcome party.” Riley groans as the couple wraps up their duet. The party hasn’t even really started yet--everyone thought the two had gone up on the small staging area to give the formal speech to kick things off but instead they had started singing what Riley had informed him was their absolute favorite duet, the ballad from Dirty Dancing. “This does not bode well.”

“I’m sure they’re just having a little bit of fun.” Lucas answers, unable to keep from smiling as the couple dances on stage to the synthesized instruments as they play out the end of the song.

To his great relief, when Riley had returned to the room to get ready for the party, she had seemed just as eager to put their awkward moment of feelings behind them as he was. She’d given him what seemed to be a well-rehearsed speech about how emergency situations often amplified and distort feelings, that they were both probably feeling the effects of the adrenaline leaving their bodies after dealing with the clam shucking incident, and that they should move on as though that piece of the conversation had never happened.

Lucas had agreed, happy to latch on to a provided explanation that let him save face over something that was pretty much entirely his fault, and after a few small bumps in the road where he wasn’t sure whether he should hold Riley’s hand or have his arm around her shoulder as they walked into the party and similar moments of indecision, they’re now back to the status quo of comfortable, easy interaction.

“Thank you everyone!” Ava waves and curtsies as the song ends while the crowd on that patio cheers. “And welcome to Cape Cod for our wedding extravaganza! We are so thrilled that you’ve all made the trip to share in my and Auggie’s happiness, and that you’ve come a few days early to enjoy some of the beautiful sights the Cape has to offer and some fun activities.”

Auggie takes over for her. “Now, one of the things Ava and I wanted to do for everyone over the course of the next few days is share the activities that we’ve spent our entire relationship enjoying together, with all of you. And the first of those, as you might have guessed by our little performance,”

“Our flawless performance,” Ava corrects.

“Is karaoke.” Auggie finishes, quite obviously, in Lucas’ opinion, used to being interrupted in such a fashion.

“That’s right everyone! This isn’t just a Welcome to Cape Cod party, it’s also a karaoke party!” Ava screams and claps, seemingly oblivious to the mixed reaction she’s getting from the crowd. Most everyone is cheering, but it’s a lot less enthusiastic than they were when they were just applauding the performance or the welcome message. “There’s only one rule, and that’s that nobody gets to leave the party without getting up on stage at least once.”

The cheers lessen even more, but Lucas is fairly certain that the crowd will perk up again once they’ve had real chance to get a drink or two in them.

“In a moment, I’ll bring around songbooks to each of the tables so you can all make your selections and sign up.” Auggie explains. “And you’ll want to be quick about it--no one wants to listen to a night full of repeat songs.”

“No one wants to hear a night full of karaoke either but that doesn’t appear to be stopping you.” One table over, Maya makes a not-so-muttered comment, though Josh, hand freshly-stitched and bandaged, hushes her soon after.

“And while Auggie’s doing that I’ll get this party started with one of my personal favorites. So pick your songs, find partners if you need them and let’s have some fun! Welcome to Cape Cod everyone!”

Another synth-heavy beat kicks up behind Ava, who starts to dance, while Auggie hops off stage, grabs a large stack of mini-binders and starts to distribute them to every table.

“Hey boy, don’t you know I’ve got something going on? Yes I do.

All my friends are gonna come, gonna party all night long….”

“So…” Lucas can’t help but smirk as he looks at the rest of the table. “How does everyone here feel about this little surprise?” He’s barely a step above tone deaf, but he can’t say he minds the night’s new obligation; what does it matter if he embarrasses himself a little? It’s not like he’s ever going to see these people again once he goes back to LA.

He and Riley chat with their companions at the table, the always entertaining Eric and Linda, who both seem incredibly enthused by the prospect of getting up on the mini-stage and singing their hearts out. Riley is not nearly so thrilled, he decides based on her expression, but she’s not panicking like Lucas might have expected. He has to wonder if that’s because this is actually quite typical of Auggie and Ava or for some other reason.

After Auggie drops off the small black binders containing all of their song options, and it takes about a minute for Eric and Linda to rush off to get their choice in the lineup because they ‘weren’t going to risk anyone else getting to their song first’, Riley glances over at him in between page flips. “See anything you want to do?”

“I see a few songs I know.” Lucas shrugs, not sure that he cares too much. “Did you want to do something together or--,”

“Actually, I have an idea. If you don’t mind. As part of your,” she glances around to see if anyone’s paying attention, leans in close and whispers the last word, “job.”

“I’m all ears.”

“Now it’s nothing but my way.

My loneliness ain’t killing me no more.”

Lucas has to admit, watching Riley sing her song, going after every syllable in a take-no-prisoners performance, and looking every inch the self-assured woman that had taken charge on the deck of the schooner, that her idea is the perfect choice for them tonight.

Apparently, after their conversation when she was taking a walk, one of the other things she had come to understand was that once she got over the initial panic of realizing that she had stood up to her mom, it actually felt really good to have done it. And now she wants to take a few more baby steps towards letting her family know that she’s happy with her life.

Things like rocking out to a Britney Spears power ballad on a karaoke stage.

And when she’s done with that, having her ‘dedicated and handsome’ boyfriend dedicating a song to her and putting on a bit of a show for everyone.

Well...Lucas is more than happy to do that.

Especially after she more than nails the execution of her part of the plan. Riley finishes her song on a high note, to the applause and cheers of Auggie and Ava’s friends and some uncomfortable looks shared between many of her present family members. She bounces off the stage, a broad smile on her face.

While Auggie and Ava do their duties as hosts and MCs for the night, spouting off commentary on Riley’s performance and starting to build up his, Lucas hugs her quickly. “That was great! How did it feel?”

“Amazing! That was so much fun! Why have I never done that before?” She laughs broadly, stepping back and twirling.

“Stay close for part two, OK?”

“And now to sing a song for his sweetheart,” Auggie says, using his best TV presenter voice, “Mr. Lucas Friar!”

Lucas hops up onto the stage, grabbing the microphone and starting his song. He only has eyes for Riley as he sings the first verse (as though that’s hard), and by the time he hits the chorus, he strides off the stage to grab her hand and start dancing while he sings, causing Riley to laugh and blush while they sway, twirl and even dip.

“If you’ll be my soft and sweet, I’ll be your strong and steady,

You’ll be my glass of wine, I’ll be your shot of whiskey…”

At the second verse, he takes her back up onto the stage with him, continuing to serenade her and guiding her through a one-handed dance, until they get they reach the end of the song.

“If you’ll be my sugar baby, I’ll be your sweet iced tea,

You’ll be my honeysuckle, I’ll be your honey bee.”

As they dance out the end of the music, Lucas fumbles the microphone back into its stand so he can hold Riley with both hands. He twirls her out, and then in in rapid succession. She collides into his chest, and he can’t help but notice the same sparkling, gentle awe in her eyes as they meet his.

The last chord plays and the crowd bursts into applause.

And with Riley’s face barely inches from his, and feeling the joy and fun and the sparks that seem to be hovering in that small space, Lucas stops thinking completely.

His lips crash down onto hers.

#rucas #rucas fanfic #rucas fanfiction #riley matthews #lucas friar #gmw #fanfiction #au #fic: Cold Cape Cod Clams #cw: blood #cw: medical stuff

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slicktwix · 5 years

Text

Evaluation for FMP

At first i was not sure what i wanted to create, how big it was and what genre it would be from but i was focused on making a large scale creature brought to life with the skills i have learnt through out this year with model making creating multiple small scale models and creatures like a mystic sci-fi alien samurai and a 4 legged, demonic spider, hive mother creature i learnt a lot of tooling techniques also modeling with super sculpey, clay and mud rock. I also learnt how to create strong sturdy armatures that could support the weight of my creations so i wanted to create something that was in my element but also demanding and large it also has to be a subject that i’m passionate about or else i cant connect with my work and not thoroughly enjoy the process that it why i want to create a creature within the realm of Greek Mythology more specifically a three headed dog called Cerberus! why?

Well because i love creating a more realistic grounded model and have used fur in the past to recreate a undead cat from pet cemetery that looked effective and scary theirs a creepy element to taxidermy how the animal is stuck in a real frame of motion stuck in place which can express anger,fear cunning and hunger which is hard to covey with other Art forms.

At first when researching Cerberus and how i would design and recreate him had me torn at first i wanted to create a fairly terrier sized three headed beast but then decided against that as i wanted a large scale three headed dog for the wow factor the armature ended up being about 76 cm in height and in length 60 cm making him quite heavy if made of clay to transport from and to college.

I based a lot of the armature on sketches and drawings i had gathered showing the anatomy of the animal and the placement of the wires also sketches of some of the limbs for basic reference. These really helped and where an improvement on my cat which i did not make any sketches as reference to rely on for vital design decisions to help you develop a good armature.

I first created the armature out of copper bars and used the metal wielder to wield joints and manufacture the legs and body frame of the dog i did not want to create the supports for the neck for practical reasons.i had no problem with metal wielding as i had done it before when recreating my cat this made it fast and satisfying to construct a fully operating armature i did have a problem with the metal wielder being in an awkward place in the room making it harder to get the right angle for me to fit the armature in place to wield the legs to the body but other than that no major problems.

For the platform or stand of the armature i found a good piece of hard board and made wholes using a drill bit the same size as the sticks of wood to be used as beams to support the weight of the three headed Cerberus. due to his size i always had reasonable doubt in my mind for weight proportionality but the beams helped a lot so that none of the legs collapsed and the actual model was stiff interlocked into the stand this is strengthened the whole model and the rest of the process due to its importance to my project.

I then decided that i would use mud rock to strengthen the Armature so it could withhold the weight of the heads, foam and fur.

I had to decide weather i would use clay which would be effective for a statue based Cerberus with great detail which shows the muscular layout of the creature but would not look good because i am not that good at sculpting and a weight issue i would have to move the dog once finished from my house to college. or i could use a more taxidermy based fury based Cerberus complete with clay paws.

I brought my armature to my house over Easter brake so i could really focus on trying to get a lot of work done instead of having to rely on college open hours i’m glad i did this as i really enjoyed the over all process that went in to creating Cerberus but i had to gather a multitude of supplies to make my room a living workshop. for my FMP i brought a Glue gun and fur from amazon due to one day delivery and the reviews of the glue gun which was very high quality and helpful when you can change the temperature. The fur was very important due to the large amount i needed luckily the dog fur came in big sheets of 150 cm to 100 cm i brought 4 sheets for a total of £43. The fur was very similar to that of a bear almost like a mixture of the animals once i had completed it. this could be seen as a slight problem but hopefully did not take away from the final grade to much. I also had to acquire foam to bulk out the mode,l i was thinking about getting expensive foam board but instead picked up three dog beds, which are cheaper and yield a large amount of foam per bed this was very useful for adding the extra chunkiness to the armature at a total price of £26.

https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/

My next step was adding the foam board/dog beads to my Armature i cut lengths of foam according to how much i wanted to cover of the dog, i would have to fold the foam around legs and mark in my head wear i would cut. This helps me savor the foam and not waste as much of it. I also had to hold a lot of foam in place once stuck with the glue gun as it had a slow setting time i also had a problem where i would burn my fingers due to the heat of the gun because i had to put pressure on every connection i made. I solved this by wearing a thick glove, so the heat could not burn through very effective and stopped my hands feeling awful. this whole process was easy and could of looked scruffy due to the fact it would eventually be covered in fur.

The next day i sculpted the paws, for reference i used pictures of bare skin dog paws to accurately portray the shape and proportional size of the dog paws all though i’m fine with the outcome, their is a lot of room for improvement due to the size of the front left paw being too big, compared to the rest of the paws this is because i did the front left paw first but should have accurately made all the paws to similar proportions this is disappointing because it is my FMP and everything should be to my best standard. Another problem i had was with the anatomy of the dog paw itself being difficult making it a struggle to recreate such a complex part of the dog. i used clay to sculpt the paws which is great for accuracy, one problem i did have was when bringing the model into college one of the paws fell apart aha i solved this by re sculpting a paw at college. more of an inconvenience than a fundamental problem.

After creating the paws i focused on making the heads , this was probably the most fun part of my project as creating heads are an essential part of creating a realistic and good looking imagery, the head is the most important part of any model due to it being what we first look at in a model and will decide if the model is good or bad. so at first i made the basic shape of the head out of tin foil i added the lower jaws using metal wire then layering in tin foil i used about 4 rolls for the whole project at around £5.75 I then added paper mache which i layered multiple times over the heads i wanted to make the heads distinct i did this by the positioning of the ears and the shape of the brows and cheeks of the dogs this was important to give each of the heads more character and identity after the paper mache i had to wait 24 hours (recommended) for the paper mache to dry this step was to ensure a more smoother surface to the heads an add a thickness to the heads i also did this for so it would be easier to add clay and stick the fur to the head tinfoil is not good for this and does not fit the criteria other ways i could of made the heads was by using clay but this would be very heavy to carry into college of course.

while waiting for the heads to dry i added fur to the legs of my armature this was easy enough but some of the fur overlapped looking cheap and horrible. To solve this i cut out chunks of fur from the sheets i had of it but i cut it at an angle so that the ratio of fur to material was 70/30 this was effective for sticking the fur with the glue gun and then neatly shuffling the fur to cover the overlapped spots this took a thew hours over all to cover all the spots and looked way better an essential part of my process to my work.

after this step i added clay and marbles to the eyes of the heads i had to mold the clay to express an angry frown upon his face this worked effectively with all the heads but through out the whole project i had problems with the clay sticking to the heads and paws this could of been because of the moisture of the clay i’m not sure but when i added a dab of water on my finger i could smooth the clay around the heads. this is useful to take into consideration for later projects that involve clay.when i used the glue gun on the dried clay it would dry and fall off not making a bond it took a couple goes to really stick the clay to the object but wasn’t too much of a concern.

when i did the first head the teeth where very low quality and basic as it was my first set of teeth in a long time but i took this into consideration for the other sets of teeth by adding crevices and evidence of worn out teeth and plus the other sets looked more anatomically correct because of the shape and the detail.

My first head is definitely the worst and if i had time i would go back and recreate it completely due to his structure, teeth and the ears but it was a learning experience and every head i created improved in quality due to my knowledge that i learned from my past mistakes, this is the reason i find creating these models so fun and interesting. even the clay around the cheeks and brow improved with minor detail showing wrinkles in the skin and spots. i think it is very important to express the anger of my design through the brow due to the fur covering their faces the most have a strong sense of emotion that pulls through the fur i personally think this went OK and you can see the anger of the creatures but maybe not to the degree i was hoping due to the fur around the face.

for the mouths i used clay to create all the gums and define the jaw i then super sculpted all the teeth and tongues after i had put them in the oven i indented all the teeth into the mouth so it would be easier to insert into the mouth this was effective and went well but had some minor issues with the glue connecting to the clay some teeth would fall out and required re-sticking but other than that no problems.

After that i had to obtain some poles/sticks for the necks of Cerberus this was easy and as i had a forest near my house i had two days before i had to bring the model into college but i had work and didn’t have time to buy sticks. the branches might be quite primitive but worked really effectively i cut the sticks down to size using a saw before whittling away the bark so that when i glue gunned the sticks to the bark wouldn’t break off along with a branch when i brought the armature into college i then rapped mud rock around the neck branches for extra strength for adding the heads.

this is a crucial part of my project involving me attaching the heads to the armature i managed to bring Cerberus into college in me mum’s car and first attached the sticks which represent the skeleton neck of the creature i used glue gun to attach them then put layers of mud rock to strengthen the necks so the heads would not separate and de-attach. i then used a large drill bit to make large wholes in the back of the heads i did a stirring movement with the drill to make the wholes larger for the heads to fit on easily i then poured a lot of glue gun into the wholes i created , i then attached the heads on the end of the sticks firmly to make the bond permanent.

I then added some finishing touches like paint and some different fur to make patterns in his coat. When painting the armature i used a pinkish fleshy brown to show the dirt of the the creature in his natural habitat.

In conclusion i set out to create a three headed dog complete with a snake tail from clay the main difference between them is the fur coat due to weight time restrictions of sculpting all that clay to a professional level and also i preferred the idea of creating a more taxidermy based creature due to its unique nature if i could change anything with my work it would be the general shape of the body the posture is accurate to what i wanted but maybe his front leg is too thick and also the eyes maybe they could be improved another problem i had was with time management i should have planned and recorded what i would accomplish each day if i had started my armature two weeks before i would of had a lot more time to produce a higher quality model that would of been the difference between grades. but i think i have effectively accomplished these goals in the time given and hope to see what your conclusion is of my work.

one change i had to make to my outcome was instead of making all of the tail out of clay i had to use fur for most of the tail and then added a snake head on the end made of super sculpey this was due to time restraints.

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incaseyouart · 8 years

Photo

Omg i’m so sorry to everyone that I haven’t answered in the past few days! I’ve been really busy shipping out zines etc @_@ I figured rather than spamming everyone on my dash I’ll do a batch-answer.

1. For digital I use the watercolour and pen brushes in Fire Alpaca. For traditional the Koi waterbrush (medium tip).

2. Thank you that’s so nice of you to say!! <3

3. I know I’ve gained a good audience by posting frequently and interacting with other members of the community, and just in general trying to stay positive! Also remember to tag everything you post to make it searchable!

4. Aw thanks~ The asks aren’t annoying!! I appreciate every single one (well.. mostly. some are clearly jokes lol). Just use reference - I usually Google-image search! I also have some drawings/tips on hands here.

5. On your lineart layer select the box “Protect alpha” - this means that any colour you lay down will ONLY affect the pixels on your lineart. You can do this for any layer. It’s basically the same function as a clipping mask.

6. You’d have to go into your pen settings I imagine! For me it’s the Wacom Desktop Centre.

7. Fire Alpaca has a lot of help files on their website, but like everything in art, mastering something just takes a lot of practice! Things that took me a bit to figure out was the “Protect Alpha” option (which lets you lock pixels and colour JUST on them and nothing else), and how to use the “snap to gridlines” in perspective - so, setting up the vanishing points. I’m still getting used to that one. Just play around with each tool for a bit and look up what it does, and how best to use it!

8. I would highly encourage you to try developing your OWN style - one that you can uniquely say is yours. You can of course take inspiration from other artists (and here I encourage the plural). If it looks TOO similar, as you’re suggesting, then you might be accused of tracing, and the original owner of that style (and any of their followers) might be annoyed. Style comes organically with practice, and you should also embrace multiple styles - that’s what makes an artist versatile, and versatility in a competitive market is very crucial for success. Good luck!

9. I have a few tutorials here - but none for that specifically. This is a cool image I found on Google. When in doubt, box it out!! Basically every figure in existence can be planned out with boxes (or circles/ellipses).

10. Use reference.

11. Hmm, I don’t think so... I don’t usually link the pose reference image(s) I use. I will, however, link the reference if it’s from another artist. I mean, it’s always a good idea to link back to reference - that’s a good practice that I should do more.

12. You can drag around the different windows by holding your mouse down on the top of the window, and then you can snap that window into/beside/underneath other windows!

13. You can for sure look at my art for reference, but keep in mind, my anatomy skills are not as good as the real thing, so I would highly encourage you to use actual references of the real human body/whatever it is you’re drawing. Thanks for asking!!

14. Please browse through my digital art and drawing tablet tags!

15. Lol I would love to get snowed on all day :P Thanks for going through my tutorials ^_^ I hope they inspired you to want to start arting!

16. Yaaay I use an Intuos small on a Mac too! You should use Fire Alpaca it’s the best (and free). For tips, please browse through my digital art and drawing tablet tags! I don’t have the buttons set on my tablet right now actually haha - except for the top button on the pen is set as eyedropper.

17, 18, 19. You need to inform your parents that you have a friend who relies on your help via electronic devices! Also yes please do take a breather from life for a bit - sounds like you’re a bit overwhelmed! If you want to DM me you can and we can talk more :)

20. You can draw however you want! There is never any pressure to draw realistically, other than from yourself! Being able to render realistically is a useful skill - and my professors would argue that before you can accurately caricature anything you must know how it works realistically - but for sure you can branch out into cartoon-like style! I always encourage artists to adopt several styles (see answer #8 and these posts)

21. Sounds like you’re drawing at too small a resolution and/or canvas size! Try a canvas of at least 2000X2000 pixels set at 200DPI. Also I find the line quality much better in Fire Alpaca than in SAI (that’s mainly why I switched over). Good luck!

22. I DON’T have all the tools a human can have - that, in my eyes, is having a Wacom Cintiq, or a Cintiq companion. I literally just use watercolour paints+paper+koi brush, or my Mac+Fire Alpaca+Intuous. I also have markers and pencil crayons, which I used to use exclusively from 2004-2013 (I miss them actually) but yeah now I only use a few things. It’s not the tools that make the artist great, it’s knowing HOW to create art! Like wizards/witches and their wands - some tools do enhance your skill (obviously), but you must know the craft FIRST.

23. I own Canson brand sketch books! Mixed Media (90lb paper) and Watercolour (140lb cold press)

24. I used my smart phone camera, scanned it in and touched it up with Photoshop. The biggest edit I did was making the background around the drawings white. Here’s a tutorial about how to do it (with a different image)

25. Wahoo thanks for the follow and the compliment <3 GO CANADA!

26. YAAAAAAY OUR BABY HAS ARRIVED! I have shipped all the Canada ones out, and I shipped another 45 today to the US and other countries, and the rest should be out by the end of the week!! I’m so happy you got it, thanks so much for the support!!

27. Age difference doesn’t really matter THAT much, in the grand scheme - well, maybe it does for the teen years. If she has a partner currently, and she seems happy, then I would try to just stay her friend for now! You could maybe gradually drop hints that you like her, and gage her reaction?

28. Could it be acid reflux, or heart burn, or an accute respiratory condition maybe? I’m not really well-versed in medical things, and I don’t know anything about your level of fitness or health, so it’s difficult to answer... >.<

29. The print was drawn out by a friend who got them printed onto sweaters at a local print shop! We tried to find and buy it online but we couldn’t find it anywhere >.<

30. Prepare for it like any other interview - dress like you want to succeed (but also be comfortable). Know your portfolio really well, so that when they ask questions you won’t have to flip through it or hesitate. Be knowledgable about the job/thing you’re applying to as well, so you’re go to go for trivia about the interviewer. Smile and make an appropriate amount of eye contact (demonstrate active listening). Here is a good LinkedIn article about interviews.

31. Aw thanks~ yes yes most of my life is quite happy and I can’t complain ^_^ Have a good one!

32. Thank you!!!! I hope 2017 is super productive for me as well!! Graci and ciao~

WHEW! Feel free to DM me if you want to know more~

#art advice #digital art #drawing tablet #internet support group #batch answer

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easythingstodrawtutorials · 5 years

Text

How to Draw Batman - Tech Version

New Post has been published on https://easythingstodraw.net/how-to-draw-batman-tech-version/

How to Draw Batman - Tech Version

youtube

How to Draw Batman – Tech Version – Easy Things to Draw

This is the tech version of batman I’m drawing from my mind. I had no preparation to draw this, I am making it up as I go along. I talk about my process through narration. I use ballpoint pen. Check out the entire video, and please like and share if possible.

Also, don’t forget to check another tutorial Kids Drawing Revamp #1 – Easy Things to Draw

Hey guys, how are you doing, I’m Enrique and welcome to easy things to draw, hopefully you guys are having a really good day, this article is about an old video that I had from the channel sketch monster and I want to import in this channel, I’m actually having to record over the video because the original footage of this didn’t have commentary at all, so I just thought I can bring something different to it.

What I want to do with this is slowly merging my two channels together, realistically, I’m getting rid of the sketch monster channel, I might just make that only digital, I’m not sure yet and I will take most of these videos and delete them from sketch monster and put them over here, on easy things to draw…

As I said before, I don’t want to upload the same video so I’ll go over it, what I’ll draw today is a made-up version of Batman just going to tech version because I love drawing tech, I usually go through phases where I love to draw robots and things related to them, you know, like all kinds of machines and it’s almost the only thing I do, then I go to another phase where I like to draw only monsters most of the time so I go to get back to draw people because I don’t draw that as much as I used to…

The first thing I will do to get started is ghosting the image, this is something I’ve talked about before, so if you need to go over this theme you can go see a video that I have, where I explain with more detail what the ghosting is about. In this step you should go quite light with your pen, the one I’m using is a regular Ballpoint pen, is one of those who give you free to advertise and those things are very generic…

I originally did it to prove a point, which is, it really doesn’t matter what tools you use, just depends on the level of knowledge you have, because spend hundreds of dollars buying tools it won’t make you better, what will make you draw better is to learn and practice, of course I like my fine Ballpoint pen a lot better, but the one I’m using, which is free and the most common is good, I mean, it’s okay and also adequate to draw.

I continue with my drawing and I want to make like plates coming down in like the shoulder and neck area, I was thinking of giving like a samurai style, maybe a cyber samurai type, that’s actually the first thing that comes to my mind, you can find millions of amazing versions of Batman if you ever go looking for them…

If you don’t know this character, even though I doubt it, I’ll tell you a little bit about his story, Batman is a character created by the Americans: Bob Kane and Bill Finger is also owned by DC Comics. His first appearance was in the story “The case of the chemical syndicate” of the magazine, Detective Comics N. °27, published on March 30, 1939.

Batman’s secret identity is Bruce Wayne, who is a billionaire and philanthropist who owns the Wayne company in Gotham City, after witnessing the murder of his parents in a violent assault when he was a kid, He swears revenge and fights against crime, for this, he undergoes a rigorous training

His clothing, fighting utensils and vehicle is characterized by the design of a bat. Unlike most superheroes, he doesn’t have superpowers, he has to resort to his intellect, well as scientific and technological applications to create weapons and tools with which he carries out his fights. He lives in the Wayne mansion and in the underground we can find the Batcave, which is the center operations of Batman. He also gets help from allies, among which we can find Robin, Elwood, Nightwing, the local police commissioner, James Gordon, and his butler Alfred Pennyworth.

Batman is one of the most emblematic characters of DC Comics, he even got his own magazine in the year 1940, given to for his good acceptance. Three years later, Columbia Pictures released the first television adaptation of the character, which was followed by the Batman and Robin series in 1949. In the 1960s, another series was released, called “Batman”, which used a more “camp” concept and this ended up setting aside his somber tone with which it was originally conceived.

Later, the writers Dennis O’Neil, Neal Adams, and Frank Miller produced newly written material about the Batman universe, which passed between the 1970s and 1980s, taking up the original designs and elements of the franchise.

Tim Burton’s namesake film, released in 1989, is considered to have played an important role in the popularity of Batman, also was the series of films launched with “Batman Begins” in 2005. In addition to the previous productions, there are several more in which the character and his elements have been incorporated.

So there’s a huge amount of Batman versions to blow your mind on, if you guys have a favorite Batman version, please send me a link to it or just tell me, that way I can go search for myself because I love seeing different versions of the characters.

I continuing with the drawing and I putting in little parts, I still don’t know where the neck part is going to attach, which I do know is I want that neck area to be a little more complicated, I also start finding for smaller shapes, and this is something I have said in the past, of all kinds of things, you star large, very broad and then you start to focus on different aspects of the drawing. If we’re talking about design, I don’t want to over complicate the forehead, I’ve talked about tension and release, tension in the area of massive complications, well not massive but just complicated area, right here, would be in the area of the face mask, then I release private upper forehead, the ears.

Now I’m trying to give this dimension, I want the plates do not overlap completely but give the feeling that they’re touching so you can see a little crack in between the plates, that’s like attention to detail thing. I wasn’t quite sure what to do with the lens/eyes if it’s gonna be completely robotic, and then it made me think that this won’t be the real Batman, maybe, you know, it’ll be a more robotic version of Batman…

Now I want the line I’m making can bottle the chin over the cheekbone, it in carrying through all the way to the back of the forehead, you have the sweeps and that sort of thing and you can check out in this channel, since they were in my main channel before and that doesn’t exist anymore.

Continuing with the drawing, I’m going to the forehead of the far the side of the eye, now I’m choosing which lines I want to make thicker, as they’re going to really be the main focus, with at least one line you’ll create several different focuses, whatever you do darker in your drawing, it will push forward about the viewer so you’ll have to be careful what you pick and that’s why I can get away with kind of scribbling stuff in and then I put a thicker line, you know that too, if you’ve been drawing for even a little while…

You’ve already done exactly the same thing I’ve done, you know, you start drawing with a pencil and then you try to erase it, but the line is really dug so you can’t get it out, what I mean by that is kind of the same thing, but this time you’re doing it on purpose, although with this drawing I’m using a pen and it’s a little different.

Now I go around the side of the necklace and I push it downward, I just add abstract shapes at this point, fiddling with a small shape, just making a kind of mess around, also I’m trying to duplicate this piece on the shoulder, trying to mirror it, and that’s it, all I do is pretty much random, I also do this on the shoulders and the neck, I have no plan with this, I just do what I feel will look better.

We’re almost at the end of this drawing, I’ve always found pretty funny to darkening the contour, we’ve already got to the part of the drawing where the only thing left is just darksome things here and there and I feel like my drawing is almost ready, I just throw a couple of extra lines to kind of make it more presentable to the viewer, that’s also something I always think, “is this presentable enough” or “what can I do to make it more presentable”, I also like to darkening a couple of things, because this makes very clear what to look at and is more dealing to the viewer.

And that’s it, we’ve already finished our tutorial on how to draw tech Batman version, some things I have to say before saying goodbye is that I’ve started a new page in Patreon, although I already had one, like about two years ago, but this time I’m working really hard on it, since the one I had before I never took it very seriously and now I’m giving to Patreon another chance, this time I want to do it more seriously and consistently, so if you have time go visit my page…

Another thing you can do to support me is subscribing you to my channel “Easy Things To Draw 101” (the whole title together) and activate the little bell button, That way you’ll get notifications every time I upload new content to my channel, you know I like to teach you how to draw easy things, what can be: superheroes, monsters, body anatomy, robot or things related to mechanics, You don’t have to worry if you don’t know anything about it, because I always try to explain..

How to draw step by step and I try to do my tutorials the best way to help you guys, also it doesn’t really matter if you’ve been drawing for a long time or if you’re new, my tutorials and other videos are made for all types of artist, you can find drawings for beginners or also if you are a more experienced artist, you can review some themes, It is always good to do it because one can forget some things.

Another thing I like to talk about in my videos are experiences that happened to me and can happen to you as an artist, they can be, blockades when you are drawing or also can be bad art teachers among some things. And that’s all, thank you so much for seeing my tutorial, I really hope it can help you and I see you in another tutorial where I will teach you easy things to draw, goodbye.

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Also, don’t forget to check another tutorial Kids Drawing Revamp #1 – Easy Things to Draw

#easy things to draw #how to draw batman #how to draw for beginners #how to draw step by step #learn to draw #learn to draw batman #Tech Version #Batman #Comics #Dark Knight #Howto &amp; Style #New

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sabstronaut · 7 years

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If I Owned a Plantation

When I walked into my first day of English 106, I was not expecting the mind-blowing, misconception-revealing, philosophically-engaging psychological expedition I was starting. From day one, I was told not to find myself, but to make myself. By being exposed to Nietzsche’s teachings and being encouraged to educate ourselves on his life, I have begun to recognize that I can’t just listen to what I am told to do, I must constantly challenge the norm. Nietzsche thought differently than anybody else of his time. By declaring himself the Antichrist, he preached the death of God stating “We have killed Him. All of us are his murderers.” I have major respect for Nietzsche who was willing to work hard, to the point of literal collapse, in order to convey a firm belief which eventually drove him mad. His dedication to internal reflection is electrifying and motivational to me and began the entire analysis of my upbringing and influences.

In my household, growing up, I have been surrounded by the influence of my parents’ professions. Both held occupations that strived to maintain the wellbeing of others, my father being a pharmacist and my mother a director of Human Resources. While my father’s job helped on the physical side of wellbeing by actually constructing the medication to make sick people well again, my mother’s job helped with maintaining the psychological and social state of her current and future employees. Each of their jobs and ways of life strongly instilled altruistic values into my sister and I at extremely young ages. We were encouraged to volunteer and began our involvement in elementary school and from there the momentum carried us forward. Additionally, when I finished eighth grade my mom was forced to discontinue working, as she has an immune disorder and a life-threatening condition called Idiopathic Angioedema and my sister has Fibromyalgia, both regularly needing my assistance. With my dad traveling five days a week for work, I grew to be their caregiver during my high school years. This is a very noticeable lens that I have been able to see for most of my life, let’s call this one the altruistic lens. This lens shows in my college application essays, my resume, and most distinctly the occupation I aspire to have. But I know that this is not something that all children are taught at as young an age as I was. Not all of my peers walk through Wynwood, see the run-down state of living, and yearn to help those people. Not all of my peers would perform the simple courtesy of giving up your bus or train seat for an elderly or disabled individual. Not all of my peers wish to spend the rest of their life in an occupation that’s only goal is to help other people survive, recover, and thrive without any concern of the pay. The majority of actions I take, both presently and in the future, all revolve around this altruistic lens that has been inserted into my brain and is now seen with as much objectivity as gravity. Only after intense self-reflection did I realize that this was a very powerful worldview, my altruistic lens, that stems from the time I entered this world.

After reading the work of Du Bois and his ideas of “being a problem,” I began to imagine how my altruistic lens would shine through if I lived during the time of slavery as the person I am today. DuBois wrote about being free, but not really free, and described freedom as climbing a mountain because it means overcoming disrespect and ridicule. So with the altruistic lens that I have grown to have, I think that I would be a Cool plantation owner. For the sake of this essay, let’s ignore the second oppressed population who were seemingly unaware of their own oppression at the time, not sexually discriminate, and just hypothetically allow me, as a woman, to be the owner of this Plantation (disclaimer: I do NOT have any aspirations under any terms EVER to own/partake in any form of slave owning- in fact, the word ‘slave’ was not allowed in my household even as a joke [another instance of the altruistic lens]). As stated in Cool Rules: The anatomy of an attitude, “Cool is an oppositional attitude adopted by individuals or small groups to express defiance to authority.” Owning slaves in the 18th and 19th centuries was a basic symbol of social status. To own slaves was to show that you had wealth, authority, and class, therefore, no slaves means no respect. Nobody with slaves was cool. Nobody who had slaves expressed defiance to the social norms or authority. If I lived in this time-period as the individual with the altruistic lens I have I would adopt an oppositional attitude, defy authority, and let my slaves be free without a doubt. I would spend my life freeing slaves and giving them the proper life they deserve as the equals that they are in my eyes. I would risk my social status and life to give these individuals happiness. If this isn’t a realistic option than an alternative plan would be to treat the slaves I have as equals, for example: they would eat what I eat, sleep where I sleep, and I would spend my days in the field with them rather than beating and lashing them. While I’m sure many people think this way, it has come to my attention recently that not as many as I thought do. I was taught to never be racist and accept everybody for who they are by my parents and grandparents and school assemblies, another lens of mine that is second nature. Although all of that teaching may have worked for me it can be seen clearly that it did not work for a sizable proportion of our country’s population presently as racism has become an even bigger problem than previously.

While I can’t compare my position of oppression even remotely to that of the Black population, I do have a sense of the whole “I am free, but not actually,” mindset. Here I am, a 19 year old college student with dreams of becoming a doctor, a majoritively male dominated occupation, and on top of that an astronaut, ANOTHER male dominated field. A woman with aspirations as mine is not uncommon in today’s world which almost leads to an entirely inverse situation than would be expected as more medical schools are looking to take woman in order to even the ratio and expand their diversity. You could almost say I now have the upper hand! But, I will not be free for a long time. As I stated previously, freedom is synonymous to climbing a mountain: before I can live out my aspirations as an astronaut physician, I have 8-10 years of schooling standing in the way as my own mountain.

Another quote from Cool Rules: The anatomy of an attitude that spoke to me was, “Cool will change from place to place, from time to time and from generation to generation.” This speaks in my theoretical situation of being a plantation owner. Cool today defined by rebellion, narcissism, hedonism, and irony has nothing to do with setting slaves free, that was the Cool of the past. A new generation now exists, far different from that of the 18th and 19th centuries and Cool takes on a new form here and today. In Thompson’s paper, “An Aesthetic of the Cool,” he expands on the ancestors’ ability to “restore coolness.” Older generations have wisdom like no other, something I can personally explain from my own experiences. My grandparents are constantly sharing cheesy, helpful tips and words of advice such as, “never walk alone at night” or my personal favorite: “always wear sunglasses when you watch fireworks” (my grandma has weirdly said this one a few times). Although these don’t seem like the wisest words of wisdom, I do know that they have an abundance of worldly knowledge. Older people have experience in all realms and are crucial to communities such as the African ones mentioned in Thompson’s writing. These older generations help us to understand who we are and where we came from! They help us essentially bring back the past as if it never left.

As Nietzsche conveyed through his work, he believed you must know suffering to know pleasure. Not to say that my job as ‘Head of the House’ at such an early age was an even remotely true experience of suffering, but the daily stress of having to balance my own academics, sports, and social life on top of taking care of my sister, mom, and two dogs during the school week was a somewhat pathetic, yet decent concept of the not-so-average sufferings of an adolescent. I agree with Nietzsche in this sense- I did learn what pleasure was. I learned to look forward to my father’s arrival home every Friday night so that we could share the burden of the family for the weekend. I learned to greatly appreciate the days my mother is healthy enough to get out of bed and lessen my load. All of these learnings function as a vehicle of change for me. Oscar Wilde said, “Disobedience, in the eyes of anyone who has read history, is man’s original virtue. It is through disobedience and rebellion that progress has been made.” This quote is sufficient support for my proposal of how I would have treated the individuals on my plantation. I would have helped create progress and I would hope that my learned virtues of equality and selflessness, the altruistic lens, would serve as a safe haven for the slave population.

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wolfwalkerstudios-blog · 7 years

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The Compass of Balance and Order

More concept art for Lustre Zeal. While attempting to try and develop the look and feel of the world the characters interact with I've also been trying to learn how to balance the aesthetics that I enjoyed while growing up with more modern sensibilities as copying the past because it was a simpler time won't necessarily make you a better artist. If anything it just makes you look dated. Also development log.

Development Log 7.21.17

So between working on various pictures and time spent trying to piece my psyche back together, apparently the development of the self and the deconstruction of the ego can be arrested at various stages in the individuation process leading to psychoses that I've no doubt Freud would have had a field day with, I've been developing a model of thought based on the nature of the Artistic Identity, the use of Inner Vision and our relationship to the social forces present in Emotional Economies to achieve what Jung would term 'a level of psychic functioning' that allows me to 'try and reach for an idea' without relying on the Extension of Self, Embodied Presence, the Avatar State, or the Panopticon Effect.

Don't know what any of those things are? Good, that saves me the trouble of trying to explain them because doing so would involve talking about higher-order thinking and metastrategic knowledge and I don't feel like being here all day. Suffice it to say that the two most prevalent processes I've come across in terms of communicating the means by which an artist experiences the creative forces analogous to the ones they seek to convey is Method Acting and Stanislavski's System, and I don't think I need to tell you which is the one that I prefer. Or maybe I do because quite frankly Method Acting has some very scary side effects and has caused many an actor to come back as something other then themselves. Think Alia from Dune when she gives Baron Harkonnen a place in her mind after speaking with him in other memory. Yeah, not pretty. Anyway back to talking about Artistic Identities and whatnot. Because working on Lustre Zeal has involved making so many freaking design decisions, I've lost count at this point as the sheer complexity of the processes involved has forced me to seek out even greater levels of organization then the one's I already rely on, I've had to focus more on a core set of techniques rather then my usual experimental and iterative explorations of various form languages. Good god that sentence was an absolute mouthful. Let's try that again shall we. Because I prefer to draw characters with more realistic looking anatomy and proportions, I've had to focus on things like the Reilly Method of drawing for my use of construction, gesture drawing for establishing the pose, Frazetta's Emotional Core for my relationships and blah, blah, blah for everything else. Seriously, do you think I'd actually sit here and list off every single artist, actor, animator or director whose work that I've studied in order to form the very foundation that I reach for when I sit down to draw? Well, I could, but it would be a fairly long list and a lot of the names would be Japanese so let's just stick with the whole Artistic Identity and whatnot as the degree of knowledge involved in achieving the level of realism I desire is fairly high and requires an obscene amount of investment in terms of time and energy to actually learn. Having said that, because of the desire to establish one's self both emotionally and mentally is a process of self-actualization, I figured that something similar must be happening whenever artists sit down to draw, writers write or musicians compose, if not only because such an identity allows us to establish our own individual presence in an Emotional Economy but because it also allows us to recognize the visual appeal of our work as well as further understand and define the form language we use to communicate our ideas with both our audience and our peers. A matter which is not helped much by the fact that the rites of passage artists undergo and the harrowing that we experience while setting out on such a path tend to have the unfortunate effect of either destroying our egos utterly or leaving us completely disillusioned by the nature of the realities we choose to engage with. The fact that I scare the absolute shit out of most people when I talk normally is something I've had to live with my entire life, so imagine my surprise when the art that I sought to create and the stories I started to tell became a reflection of the self I'd long sought to hide in order to pass off as normal. I don't doubt Jung would refer to that as the Shadow seeking to express itself in an otherwise healthy way, but then again my pursuit of finding my own Self amidst the ruins of a life ruled over by the fear of what others cannot possibly imagine has been motivated more by a desire to end such intellectual isolation then anything else. Anyway, as an Artist and a Writer I have the freedom to act and think as I want without hindrance or restraint, but balance that with the need for a Persona which to embody and the need for an Artistic Identity becomes both an ego defence mechanism and a means of self expression. There are of course countless downsides to this as dissociation and supplantation can and do occur, watching that happen to celebrities is disturbing to say the least, but then knowing the risks lessens the dangers so there is that. That said the purpose that I had in seeking out the concept of the Artistic Identity was because I wanted a way to discuss the idea of developing one's own Inner Vision without having to rely on the words 'feeling' or 'style' due to the incredibly vague connotations already associated with their use. Seriously, I hear those words used to describe everything related to art and it just grates against my mind because of how hollow and meaningless they are because if Art Deco is a style then no matter how much I may love it it isn't my 'style' its a style that I 'identify' with. Don't even get me started on 'feeling,' hoo boy, sensation is a much better word because not only can I externalize the concepts involved, I can internalize the information being gathered without harming my psyche in the process. But back to what I was originally saying, if we have an Internal Monologue, which can only be reported to exist as I know of no actual means by which to prove it exists save for maybe some form of telepresence or mind to machine transfer system, which in turn begs the question of machine learning and machine consciousness, it stands to reason that we also possess some form of Inner vision. By definition that would mean that if an Internal Monologue is about thinking in words, then Inner Vision is about thinking in pictures. Oh screw trying to dumb it down, there's a mode of meditation used in Vajrayana Buddhism that uses fully realized forms and sophisticated visualization techniques to create art. The fact it can also be used to achieve a substitution effect using imagined experiences that evoke the same cognitive and phsyiological consequences as their corresponding real world counterparts is in my mind an unintended bonus. Though not one I would personally prefer to try and teach someone as you can see by anything I try to draw, its a process that leaves little room for error and can seriously mess you up if you aren't aware of what the hell you're doing and what's going on. Seriously, ten years spent practicing a technique to achieve what people can experience in five minutes after eating a handful of mushrooms. Grumble, grumble, grumble . . . anyway, in order to differentiate one's own Inner Vision from, say, Mental Images or Mental Representation, its important to begin by distinguishing the idea of Inner Vision from the mathematical models and the spatial awareness skills we use to visualize objects as when attempting to represent an imaginary object rather then say, trying to recollect an object from memory in order to construct it, we rely on different visual processes to access and interact with the information in question. Which is to say that copying, transferring, transposing and transubstantiation all describe varying levels and degrees of the qualities we wish to ascribe to an object or form. Or in other words a sword can change its appearance to match its setting without altering its basic properties and still be recognized as a sword in spite of the differences between the artist's mental image of a sword and the way it appears in their own Inner Vision. And if that sounded confusing try applying the concept to architecture and you'll start to understand why so many artists default to the known forms that they've grown up with if only because doing so prevents them from experiencing the kind of trepidation and fear that comes from crossing through Liminal Space. Even I struggle with that one as the number of social constructs and intergenerational gaps that have created new and unprecedented chilling effects increase I find myself wondering what fresh new hell the masses have decided to pass off as popular opinion and commonly held belief. But then again the conflict that exists between attempting to establish one's own identity by rejecting the value systems of those who came before and the realization of one's own agency in a vanishing world is nothing new, its simply happening much faster now. Anyway, back to my point about developing one's Inner Vision, when we look for the primary influences that serve as the basis for the way we attempt to visualize objects, I found that focusing on those experiences that serve as our introduction to a work tend to form the foundation we unconsciously reach for when we draw as not only do they often have largest amount of emotional investiture but the degree of familiarity with the subject matter cannot be matched by the increasingly complex mental and emotional needs imposed upon us by the realities present in an adult world. Or in other words, the reason why the things we enjoyed as children absorbed us so completely is because the fabric of the social realities they presented us with served as a means of translating the elaborate social constructs of the adult worlds around us in a way that allowed us to relate to the events and forces that were shaping the geopolitical landscape of the time. The reason that I say this is because when I look back at many of the cartoons I grew up with I find myself seeing references to things that only those of us who were adults at the time would've recognized or even cared about. And this is in no way an isolated phenomena as not only is it present in my own work, but a few of the more recent cartoons that I've seen seem to be trying to reach a point where they appeal to both children and adults in a way that encourages parents to watch them with their kids so something to root for I suppose. That said, whenever I try to reach for an image in my mind that fits the parameters I've set in terms of design, I've found that comparing and contrasting it against things that already exist in reality is the only way to anchor the idea in a tangible way as asking myself to try and direct my own attention towards a certain emotion, theme, mood or even concept is all but impossible without associating my intent with some other established work. I suppose if I were to try and put it into words, its basically the difference between drawing, designing, and development. When I draw, I work from memory, when I design something I work from either an emotional intent or a previously established concept, when developing a novel or an illustration, I work with either a composition in mind or a set of parameters that in turn serve to define the work. Case in point when trying to visualize the Tower of Zeal I needed something that was simple enough to draw over and over again, and yet different enough from the rest of the surrounding architecture that no one would ever mistake it for having been built by the local population. Seeing that in my own mind on the other hand meant I couldn't rely on simply trying to copy pre-existing objects or styles even though doing so helps to familiarize us with the form language that human's use to try and express concepts like reverence and worship. That and ornamentation, people love ornamentation to the point that it is rare to see a truly blank surface anywhere in art or architecture. Anyway, I think that's enough rambling from me. As I said I'm still trying to develop the concept of the Artistic Identity and the function of Inner Vision so if I'm even less coherent then usual that would be why. Until next time folks, have a good one.

#concept art #Black and White #Lustre Zeal #fantasy

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jenkinsgames-blog · 7 years

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Survive/Thrive - End of Year Evaluation

What Went Well and Even Better If: Research Methods (and how they influenced my development)

Online Survey:

WWW: The online survey allowed me to collect a variety of opinions from a variety of people, meaning that I got a broader more varied collection of results; this helped me gain perspective from different places to apply to my work and in turn helped me develop more relatable characters.

EBI: Because of the nature of online surveys, it was expected that the answers I got online were less serious than ones I would have collected in person - this came from people “trolling” and adding joke answers that really weren’t helpful; it’s because of this I believe I would have benefited from doing a print survey also where people would have answered a bit more seriously.

Playing games/ online research:

WWW: Playing existing products allowed me to identify the key features in already successful games of the same genre. This research inspired me to create a visual novel style interactive game because although niche, they proved quite popular on websites that I visited such as Newgrounds, Miniclip, etc., receiving positive reviews across the board. Also, playing other types of games, such as horror games, FPS games, and adventure games on the PS4 allowed me to develop a further understanding of a successful and well-written narrative, which drove me to focus more on the story, which I believe is quite in-depth. The piece I did on genre and narrative in other games also really helped me develop my script and artwork for the interactive graphic novel, which I think was key to the feel my game now has.

EBI: Although I did play more than 5 different Flash games for my research, I feel that I should have put a lot more focus on playing these types of games because they directly linked back to what I was creating. I feel that by doing this, I would have learned more about Flash than I know now, meaning that I could have implemented more interactivity in my piece. Also, playing a lot of these games inspired parts of my project that in the end, I just didn’t have the time to include, such as a full soundtrack - if I’d spent this time focused more on research something different, such as art style or mechanics, this time would have been better spent.

Television and film research:

WWW: By taking a look at films and television, I was able to explore a broader selection of products that were relevant to my piece’s narrative and genre, which heavily influenced the majority of my pre-production stages. For example, watching horror films helped me develop my storyboard, script, and character designs. Without this research, I feel that I would have had a harder time developing a realistic narrative with believable characters, which is what I was aiming for. Researching television shows helped extremely when developing my antagonist because I was able to take common tropes of villainous characters to apply to my own character.

EBI: This research was extremely helpful - however, I believe that I would have benefited more from researching a wider variety of media texts, such as comic books, and even more variety of genre. I mostly focused on thriller and mystery films, whereas I think I should have watched a romance film or two to better write the romance between my protagonist and the love interests in the game. The romantic side of their relationships were supposed to be very apparent, but a frequent complaint in my script readings was that the romance wasn’t heavily hinted at, and just seemed more like friendship.

Script Readings and Play Tests:

WWW: This, in my opinion, was the most helpful research period throughout the development process. By having other people read my script and play through my interactive graphic novel, I was able to collect direct feedback on both the narrative and the mechanics of my piece. The most common things said were the things I took on board straight away and attempted to fix, and the less commonly said things were the things I asked about in the next play test and readings after I’d made my amendments - by doing this, I actively made people comment on things that were not noticed by many people before, and I actually received all positives the second time around, which let me know that I’d made appropriate changes.

EBI: I feel that the only way I could have made this research piece better is by asking a wider variety of people - this is because I mostly asked people my own age, which the exception of seven older people. Due to this, I believe that I received quite bias feedback because I’d made the content of my piece too relevant to a younger audience where I’d previously aimed to target an audience of 18 to 30.

Software research:

WWW: By looking into an assortment of different software, I was able to weigh up the pros and cons of each, and decided which would be best to develop my interactive graphic novel in. I think this was really important and helpful because it put into perspective the size of the project I planned on making and made me consider the feasibility of finishing by the deadline.

EBI: I feel that even though this research just solidified my decision to develop my piece in Flash, I should have looked into the other two software, Ren’Py and GameMaker Studio, a little bit more. This is because by using Flash I restricted myself with my own knowledge, when I already knew how to use Ren’Py quite well, and I’d already used GameMaker quite a lot for other projects. Saying this though, I still don’t regret my decision to use Flash.

Overall, I think that my main problems in terms of research methods were that I wasn’t efficient enough in using a wide variety of texts - for example, I should have looked at written texts like magazines or books. However, I think that the research that I did carry out allowed me to develop quite a successful and polished product for the genre that I was aiming to develop in.

Strengths and weaknesses and how I used them/ overcome them:

I believe that throughout the course, my weaknesses have been mostly art and software based - when I started this project, I was still having issues with drawing and creating pieces that had realistic anatomy. But, since this project started, I’ve been working on Piskel relentlessly using tracing pictures of real people as practice, and I think that the artwork in my interactive graphic novel really reflects a massive improvement in my drawing. When it comes to software, despite me still considering myself quite a novice when it comes to Flash, I think that my finished product really reflects a learning process that has improved significantly since the start - you can see that the text gets better visually, and the transitions between frames are a lot smoother in the later episodes of the game.

In terms of strengths, I feel that my skills in writing are my best, and that they are showcased quite well in the script for my product - boasting a complex narrative which features character development and plot twists, I think that my writing skills have not only helped this term but have also got even better. I think that this comes from the amount of research I have done into different texts that focus solely around narrative development such as film, television, and episodic video games.

Constraints I had to face and how I overcome them:

Although this project was completely independent, I feel that this was also a constraint as well as quite helpful - it was helpful in that I was able to manage my own time and allocate time periods for each part of the development process, however, I had issues with managing my own time because it was something I just wasn’t used to doing on this course. Because of this, I either underestimated or overestimated how long each thing would take - for example, I allocated a small amount of time for sound creation, but a lot of time for character design, where I spent almost no time developing characters because it was quite easy for me to do, where sound was incredibly difficult and needed more time to be able to work on it. Looking back, I should have swapped the time frames I had for each of these, but where I’d planned on being and what resources I had planned to use where set and it was too late to change by the production part where I needed to focus on my Flash production. I also think that the inclusion of a pre-production deadline half way through the term made me panic a little bit, and resulted in me focusing on perfecting my pre-production paperwork when I should have been in the production stage. This is because I doubted myself and worried that I hadn’t completed the work to a high enough standard, which added a sense of urgency to go back and rework everything I’d previously done so that I could get a good mark when it didn’t even matter that much at that point. If this hadn’t have happened, I think I would have been more relaxed and worked more sufficiently on my production, knowing that if needed I could come back to my pre-production to make amendments later on. Another constraint I had to work around was the blocks on certain websites on the college computers - although only really a small annoyance, every time I loaded a site within the domain for Flash game websites, it would block it, meaning that I then needed to get the attention of a lecturer to unblock it for me, which took time - I eventually decided to carry out these pieces of research at home where I was free to browse without any disturbances.

Conclusion:

Overall, looking back at where this project started, I think that I’ve made a lot of changes when comparing it to what I planned to create - for example, I originally decided to use the narrative of my game to challenge stereotypes, which for some characters I did, but I also kept in some common stereotypes and tropes because they’re common devices used to move a narrative along with ease. I think that by doing this I found it a lot easier to create a fluid script that was easy to read. I originally planned to create a product aimed at an audience of 18+ years old, plus being upwards towards about 30 - my target audience piece goes into more depth about who exactly I was aiming at in terms of demographic, but I think that I successfully created a piece that would appeal to these people; I believe this because of the mature nature of the script, artwork, graphic scenes, and so on. I think that an older audience would prefer to see an interactive graphic novel that challenges normal methods of killing characters off, and I think that I did that by having unique deaths to each character that were shrouded in speculation the entire time. I think that the most important thing that I’ve learned over the course of this project is how to evaluate narrative methods in films, games, comics and television series, and to apply it to my own writing - I think this will come into use next year because I aim to be able to write for video games on a professional level.

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