#i enjoy it when my body doesn't collapse in on itself when i do it

[atticsandwich]

but you come back to what you need

pairing: mephistopheles / gn! reader (mc)

fluff, tension, mephisto's usual tsun tendencies, mc annoying their way into mephisto's heart etc etc

it's not your fault you enjoy crashing at the newspaper club room for your midday breaks. it's also definitely not your fault for pretending to be asleep when he plants a gentle kiss on your forehead, so it really can't be helped that you're trying to figure out how to get more.

i finally finished it LMFAO... i am so sorry for the delay fellow mephisto lovers....

prompt based off of this tiktok reddit video, although it took its own form eventually. (please give it a listen though it's way too fucking cute)

—

"You're here again?" Mephistopheles groans, seemingly annoyed, putting his pen down as you waltz into his office at the newspaper club room. It's spacious— almost as big as Lucifer's study back at home. You immediately find your place at the seating couch situated at the office's side, feeling your body sink into the soft cushion.

"Previous class drained the hell out of me," you groan, watching the demon across you roll his eyes. "I have a week to list out a bunch of plants I've never heard of and their most effective usage. Potions and stuff," you continue anyway.

"Hmph," he ignores the way you blatantly disregard his posed grievance of your visit, trying to return his focus to his paperwork. "...I have some books on Devildom botany on the second shelf."

You stop yourself from laughing at his attempts at being dismissive— as much as he hates admitting it, you eventually figure out that he doesn't mind your daily visits; an occurence that started out of pure accident, no less.

-

[You recall the first time you barged into his office, out of breath, narrowly escaping Solomon's pure-hearted attempt of making you a surprise lunchbox. You love the sorcerer, you truly do, but you weren't in the mood to have your stomach collapsing onto itself for the next three days. You could only be thankful Simeon gave you a heads up about his plan so you could avoid him during lunch, knowing well enough of your inability to refuse.

"Do me a favor and don't let Solomon know I'm here," he didn't get a chance to retort before you dived to hide behind his chair, just in time as someone started knocking on the office door. With a huff of defeat, he grants the knocker entry— who turned out, to be in fact, the aforementioned sorcerer.

"Mephisto, have you seen my apprentice around? I was meaning to give them homemade lunch, but they ran off right as the bell rang," clearly, the sorcerer was earnest in his actions, but even the demon could feel the malevolent aura emanating from the supposed 'lunch box'.

"No, I have not. I doubt they would come here of their own volition, more especially during break period," he quirked an eyebrow, trying to ignore the almost-vice grip you had on the back of his coat.

"Hm..." Solomon pondered for a second. "That's weird. I thought I saw them run in this direction... I must have been mistaken, then. Thank you anyway, Mephisto!" with that, the clueless sorcerer turned to leave, and it is only when you hear his footsteps fade into the hallways that you breathe a sigh of relief.

Clearing his throat, the demon looks down behind him, and you flash him a bright grin. "I owe you one, Mephisto! You're the best!" you say before quickly wrapping yourself around his back, dashing out of the office before he could say anything in return.

He's relieved you just barely miss the way his face flusters, and the small goofy smile that creeps its way to his face after he double-checks that you're out of periphery.]

-

You couldn't stop yourself from giggling at the memory while picking out the book from the shelf Mephisto directed to. It's been a few months since then, and although your visits started off sporadic, it eventually became a daily thing— much to the demon's proclaimed inconvenience. A facade, considering no annoyed demon would start keeping an extra teacup in his office that wasn't Diavalo's spare, which just so happened to be your favorite color. Or the fact that that his record player started having your favorite music on rotation— a complete coincidence!— he exclaimed in defense when you pointed it out one day. Or even the fact that his seating area, which once felt like a completely separate space from his work desk, was slightly rearranged so the sofa just so happened to be in a closer, more comfortable viewing and talking range— not to mention the blanket draped over the backrest which also just so happened to be perfect for midday naps.

"—And what might you laughing about? I doubt a book on botany is hardly a comedic masterpiece," he quips, pulling your attention away from the book.

"Mmm," you shift your angle slightly to look at him better. "Just remembered something funny, is all."

Rolling his eyes, he gets up from his chair to the room's small tea station, where a pair of teacups are set out, a tray of snacks also already conveniently prepared.

"Barbatos gave me this blend the other day, it's supposed to help out with stress. I'm guessing it'll be useful for Lord Diavolo as well."

"Mhm," you nod along, your focus already returned to your botany study.

You hear him mumble an incantation— probably some sort of heat spell to boil water, and it's not long after that he sets your cup on the coffee table, along with a select pick of snacks you usually went for first. You would've teased him about how he knows exactly which ones you go for it if not for the fact that you're fully engrossed with Devildom's botany, making steady progress on your assignment.

"Thanks!" the faint scent of something familiar hits your senses, though you couldn't quite put a name on it. "Mm, this tea is quite fragrant."

"If I recall, it's some sort of human realm fruit essence infused in the blend," he explains, taking a book from one of the shelves, sitting down across from you. "Bergamot, I think it was? I took a little sip earlier, and it's pretty good; although I expect nothing less from Barbatos."

"Ah, that's what it was. I knew it smelt familiar."

He mumbles something incoherently, though you can barely make out the words 'humans' and 'calming effects of familiar scents'. It really is laughable how he still feigns not caring.

"Done with newspaper work already? It's rare for you to take a break at this time of day," holding back a laugh at his ridiculousness, you notice a more faintly lax expression on his face.

"I'm already a bit ahead in progress, so I can afford a small break. On the other hand, I didn't think botany would catch your interest," he points out.

"There’s a lot of cool stuff here! I didn't think I'd enjoy researching it this much. Plants in the human realm just kinda... grow?... with some exceptions, of course," with that, you start listing off the ones you chose for your assignment, particularly enthused about plants often used for traditional and ceremonial practices.

Before long, you managed to finish more than half of your task, all that's left being to actually put it in paper. Tea drank and snacks consumed, you let out a pleased sigh before letting out a yawn and a stretch. Without a word, Mephisto stands to return both your book and his back to the shelf. This time, he pulls out a record from the display and goes to play it, which you instantly recognize as a record you recommended to him some weeks ago. Before you can bring it up, he throws a glare your way, preemptively sensing the teasing that was bound to come out of your mouth. You laugh at him instead, sparing him actual words (for now).

"Fine, fine, I'll shut up and just take a nap. Happy, newspaper boy?"

Groaning at the nickname, he walks over back to his desk. "Do whatever you want. And I already told you to stop calling me that."

"Mmhm," is all you can say, already comfortably in place with the couch blanket draped over yourself, the soft music from the phonograph combined with being filled from the tea and snacks already starting to lull you into deep relaxation. You hear Mephisto grumble something, and you notice his gaze towards you when you turned your head to look at him— one he quickly broke, pretending he wasn't caught.

"Did'ya say something?" your eyelids grow heavy, sleep starting to take over.

"...Nothing. I'll wake you up before your next class."

"I know you will," you mumble before dreaming away.

—

You're not certain how long you dozed off, but the slight shuffling of an office chair lulled you out of dreamland. Still being sleepy however, your eyes opted to remain closed, hoping to grasp every second of slumber before your afternoon classes. They remained closed when you hear a familiar demon's grumbling noises as he threw another batch of proposal articles in the bin, and they remained close when you sense him quietly walk over to you, his form slowly leaning down over your face. He's so close that you could feel his breath tickle your nose, and you might be hallucinating it, but you think you feel his heart beating a mile a minute.

"Tsk..." you hear him huff out, fingers carefully tucking your hair off your face.

"...I'll never understand why you keep coming back to me," this time, his tone is a lot more soft, you almost didn't recognize it. Half your conscience is telling you to come clean and open your eyes, but you suck it and keep up the act, wanting to see where it goes. You just hope he doesn't notice your own heart beating a mile a minute. You sense him inch closer

"What am I saying..." he whispers to himself.

"...Please keep coming back to me."

In what felt like a blur, you feel the warmth of his lips silently land on the center of your forehead. He lingers there for a few seconds, before you feel him pull away.

Come back, is what you wanted to say, but words have left your throat, and you almost forget you're supposed to be pretending to be asleep.

"...Ugh," he huffs out again, feeling his hair tickle your neck as he lays his head next to yours in exasperation. He snaps out of it in a flash, and you think it slipped his mind that he wasn't supposed to be caught— so much for that anyway, you think. He walks back to his desk, mumbling to himself, and before your mind could start overthinking about what just happened, you slowly sink back into comfort, the last string of thought your mind provided was how much you wanted him to do it again.

—

You wake up fully this time, by Mephisto snatching the blanket from your sleeping form— keep it up and you'll be late for your last class!, he chastises, and you only groan out a pleading 'five more minutes,' in response.

It's not until a few minutes after you get up that it clicks— that wasn't a dream.

Mephistopheles really kissed you in your sleep.

Sure, it was on your forehead, but now you can't help but continue thinking about it. You thought about it as you waved him goodbye as you left the club room, you thought about it the whole time in class, and you thought about it all the way back to the HoL, where you finally let out a muffled scream as you buried your head in your pillow.

You want him to do it again. You wanted him to kiss your forehead, then your cheek, then your—

"Hey, dinner's ready!~" Asmodeus' intrusion cut off your thoughts, but you couldn't even be bothered to care about dinner.

"Hey Asmo?" you ask. The Avatar of Lust perks his brow up in acknowledgment.

"Yes dear?~" it's scary how it's like he can sense what you were thinking...

"...You got any ideas how to get someone to kiss you while awake and not asleep on his couch?"

[dca-prompts]

Heavily based theory/AU on this song. (Sudden burst of ideas, and this is not complete so it might be wonky but ye, wrote it when I was very tired)

Contains themes like: gore(heavy), violence against machines, unhealthy obsessions, horror themes, guilt, mind control and many more!

. . .

Y/N, who used to work at the Pizza Plex, went missing, but what really happened didn't matter, it's something only for them to know. They know it was wrong. But they didn't have a choice..

Sun and Moon, lately known as 'Eclipse', is a fusion of Sun and Moon's consciousness. They are both in control so they can survive, the ruins of this place and the captivity. They can't go anywhere now, it's all blocked off. So they sit and wait out their existence in this daycare, with nothing better to do.

Everything started when Moon became violent a few years ago, he kept on insisting that they should be put back together in one body(as they separated in this universe) and ranting how when they're apart they can't feel each other anymore.

That was only Moon, Sun on the other end denied it, he liked having his own body, it's what the both wanted at first. Now Moon doesn't anymore, which weirds him out.

Sun begins digging into Moon's stuff, and finds nothing but a plush of Glamrock Bonnie, all dusty and with an eye ripped off. Well, not very successful, but he'll take it just in case.

At some point through time you went missing and all went down, Sun didn't want to do his job anymore, Moon acted out too often now because of your absence and the Pizza Plex collapsed on itself because of not one, but two earthquakes happening at the same time, and a fire under the place, which spread faster and faster until it left nothing but smoke behind itself.

Sun and Moon survived the fire with the luck of the basements being made of concrete, which doesn't burn, they were still damaged. Sun lost his leg in the process of running out the daycare and Moon lost his left eye.

Everything went down. Moon still wasn't okay, he kept on acting out and Sun ran back to the daycare leaving him behind.

Moon began to hunt anything and everything that moved, and for a time, he steeped upon Chica, who looked worse for wear than any other time. He ripped and ripped at the metal that was still on her body until she turned off and all the trash fell out of her chest cavity. Moon enjoyed himself too much, and he continued until the endo was torn apart and every bit of Chica was brutally dented, scratched and lost.

He finds Monty, Freddy and even Roxy at some point, who end up with the same fate as Chica, and he is already off the rails. Moon is not himself anymore and he can't control the desire to be put back together with Sun. At some point through everything, he gets back into the daycare, and he approaches Sun with more then enough malice to make him back off. Sun trips backwards due to the missing appendage, his leg. He backs off but at some point Moon is too close to do anything and he is frozen in place.

"I'll put us back together... Just like before.... It only hurts for a little bit.."

And then it all goes black, his vision out and his body limp and laying on the play mats.

Moon couldn't be more proud of himself yet. He tears at the metal of Sun's casing, rips and rips, before he finally rips off Sun's arms, adding them to himself, off with his rays, the force and the brutality of it not making it enjoyable in the back of Sun's mind.

Moon then embraces Sun's body, hugging it close to himself. This was going horrible. And he didn't like it, it isn't him, and he can't fight back. A stray oily tear slips down his cheek, and he's completely gone.

. . .

Moon rips out Sun's wires in one quick motion, destroying everything but his memory chip, which he shoves back onto his own body. Back together again, never to be left alone, and never to be mistreated again.

"There there... At last... There's a piece of me in everybody... After all..."

And now back to my cave I go, adios, bc I'm pushing everything here. 🙇‍♀️

ㅤ

[bellafragolina]

Attached

gonna start by thanking @peachsodama for having such a big brain. i have not stopped thinking about this for a second, and if i have it's to think about things that tie into this, so thank you peach. i love you <3

none of this is canon by the way. i'm throwing my own spin on the hivemind au. it's up to peach if she wants anything to be canon or whatnot

🍓🍓🍓

Those before never treated their puppets nicely. They drained them, forced them to work themselves to death, then threw them aside when they were no long useful. Ingo and Emmet both were horrified by this treatment of puppets, things that should be cherished instead of abused, so when they set off on their own, they knew they would do things different, better.

Ingo is the first on to acquire a "guest," as he likes to call them. He attaches himself to you, feels your thoughts in his head, and your energy like a soft red wine (or whatever humans say). You cry, and you scream, and you rage within your own mind, but Ingo knows you're better this way. You're healthy, taken care of, and protected by him and Emmet too, as he searches out his own puppet while learning from Ingo how to take care of one.

There are battles, as Ingo struggles to understand what your body needs and how to accommodate it, but he's happy to do it. To feel your mind slowly calm, accept him, stop fighting him at every turn, and instead just be within its own thoughts and daydreams. He grows to enjoy the times where he lets you dictate yourself, no longer clawing or shouting at him, but instead lying with him to "cuddle" or something similarly calm.

So very calm.

You've become so calm.

Too calm.

Ingo doesn't know why he doesn't notice it. The lack of brain activity should be a red alarm, yet it doesn't strike him. The busy days at the Gear Station, guiding you and coaxing trust out of the other Depot Agents lead him to being distracted. Until he suddenly realizes he hasn't heard you think anything for quite some time.

Pains gnaw at him as he takes you to an empty break room. He checks you over for any injury he could've somehow missed, but there are none. Your eyes are hollow, your frown hard set into your face to match his own.

The pain makes itself known as hunger once he pulls away control from you, and you collapse to the floor.

You're not moving.

Ingo shakes you, prods at your mind, does anything he can think of to rouse anything out of you. But you don't respond, lying on the floor with gentle breaths and unseeing eyes.

Vegetative, the paramedics that come for you call it. Ingo watches them reel you away, communicator clutched in his hand, and by the looks of it, they're not coming back.

Emmet presses close to his brother as he sobs of the loss of his first guest, one he treasured so dearly. He already feels alone in his head, your daydreams of dancing Cutieflies in colorful meadows missing, leaving his world in sad monochrome.

"Don't get attached." The words echo in his ears. He connects to another human, hands shaking as he recognizes that soon this one will die like all the ones before it. "They are not worth it. Don't get attached."

He attaches anyway.

🍓🍓🍓

ta-da!

i'm embarrassed so that's all from me folks!

~Renee

[beyondthebackup]

[a lonely lavender envelope, petite as a greeting card stuck in a bouquet of flowers, is tucked in the tight metal facets of B's desk. Contained within is a note:]

" If we shared this class, I could stare you down like a showdown at sunset, prying apart the tiny movements of your body, hold your gaze with mine until our breath fell in sync but I would never manage it, your touch obscures my vision. But you could wrap your fingers around my throat and squeeze tight like the handles of your first bike, rocking with my frame. Make me feel thoroughly used, thoroughly controlled, thoroughly loved ~ ♡ "

B collapses into the same desk he's sat in every day for the past year in this class,

Advanced Deception and Disguise.

It's a small class. These personalized curriculums meant that even one-on-one tutoring for certain subjects was common when deemed beneficial, at least for the higher ranking students.

Like art, this is a class he enters without the white noise of a familiar voice, a pair of attentive eyes, a body to mold himself around.

Though he excels at this subject Wammy's did not see fit to train A or Obelus in, he finds the class itself boring.

Backup nearly misses his gift entirely.

It peeks out at him, delicate against the depressing browns and greys of institutional wood and metal.

Like passing love notes in a prison.

Teasing out and unfolding the note in his lap, he reads it and the spark of something comes, flickering,

excitement.

B scans the room despite the note. These kids in particular, of course, are currently training to lie and suppress their tells - but even so, he finds their involvement unlikely. This class is intense, the professor is demanding, and everyone is focused...

Usually.

Now, B focuses carefully on the handwriting, following the soft curves of every letter and judging them against images of paper in his mind...

Obelus's notepad.

Umbral's scripts.

Yoriko's guide to mushrooms.

A's textbooks, the notes in the margins ...

Hah, as if he would ever write something like this.

Coward.

What strikes B the most, even after considering that the note could be a prank or meant for someone else, was how...

Tailored it felt.

Certainly, not everyone would enjoy being spoken to in this way. It's not very subtle, it's physical, violent, yet somehow still yielding.

Like play wrestling.

All that, but the note smells like honeysuckle,

Decidedly soft.

His first bike was that petulant little boy,

Goody two-shoes, prim and proper.

B smashed A into a tree, and he hasn't been right in the head since.

He learned years ago that most people don't necessarily like to be used or controlled,

at least not out loud.

But they sure do like to be loved.

...It's no use. This doesn't look like anyone's handwriting, at least not based on the memories he can visualize clearly right now.

It just doesn't make sense. He hasn't been playing anyone lately.

It has to be someone who knows something about him,

No one is this presumptuous, right?

It would be cute if they were.

Maybe they're just bold.

That would be cute, too.

"Backup."

B shoots the instructor a hot glare and discreetly tucks the envelope away in his pocket.

[Lavender Note]

[Pink Note]

[Blue Note]

[missingn000]

1. Is there a character that you didn't really expect to enjoy writing, but found out that you really liked them as you wrote their arc?

2. How much of the story did you plan out before you started writing? Like was it the whole story or just the major points?

3. What inspired Kenjaku's whole ideology? I really enjoyed his whole deranged villain monologue, which was surprising because while I had faith in you as a writer (it's clear that you put a lot of care into writing each character), Kenjaku was never a villain that I found interesting while reading jjk (like, I found him repulsive, but with not enough villain flair to at least make him feel like a compeling threat).

4. What is in your opinion the best part about writing a fic?

5. How did you decide to stick Hajime and Mahito together and why is it such a compelling dynamic?

✨️🎊✨️🎊✨️🎊✨️

1 -- SUKUNAAA. my god. he's in my top 3 least favorite characters in canon, so before i thought of his arc, i was lowkey dreading writing him. then i came up with his backstory, his key dynamics with members of the fam, and i just...ohhh when i tell you i fell in LOVE. i'll reveal the characters i picked as my top 3 faves when i release popularity poll results, but i will say this: sukuna is one of them

2 -- when i first started writing, i had a few major plot points -- the first chap of tpg was released 8 days after i came up with the idea itself (july 2 2021!) but the story developed quite quickly from there, so i'd say over the stretch of about ~2-3 months, i had a significant amount of major story developments planned out. that said, other major ideas came much later, and i still have moments of inspiration that add huge twists to the story!

3 -- a couple things went into kenjaku's ideology. i agree with you: i loathe and am repulsed by him in canon too, but i wanted to make the main villain have compelling and interesting goals that were genuinely a threat to our heroes. i wanted to incorporate the significance of him having riko's body, and combined with tengen's ability to combine all of humanity by collapsing the barriers between others, i thought there was something insane i could do with that. i was also inspired by nge!

4 -- i think the best part about writing tpg (and fanfiction in general) is having the chance to explore things the author/source material doesn't. i think the jjk verse and many of its characters have amazing potential that just wasn't followed through, so having the chance to expand on that myself has been so fun and rewarding!!

5 -- WAHH PFPK...oh that was a mentally ILL moment i had on a plane once. thought of the major plot points of their arc during one very deranged flight overseas and it snowballed from there. i knew i wanted to add an additional character to the opposing side, but i wasn't particularly drawn to any of the disaster curses. we then learned kashimo had a binding vow with kenjaku in the past in the manga, which i thought could be so interesting to somehow incorporate! given that i love creating unique duos, once i knew i wanted them as part of the story, pairing them with mahito felt natural. i think their dynamic is compelling for many reasons, but what i love so much about them is that mahito is the only one who sees kashimo as more than their strength, and kashimo is the only one who sees mahito as more than a monster. this starts out largely as a negative thing at first, but as they spend more time together and mahito learns the extent of his humanity & hajime learns there's more to life than violence, it develops into a powerful bond unlike any other due to mahito's unique nature as a curse and kashimo as a sorcerer out of time. the only one they could each belong beside is each other

[loversys-x3]

More weird miscellaneous headcannons about my f/os. Part 2.

Strong Bad has picked up on my habit of naming all my browsing bookmarks Egg and has also begun doing it when exploring more graphically oriented PCs.

While being relatively uninterested in certain food textures, Wally collects recipes for various dishes. He shares them with Poppy and I because he knows we enjoy cooking/baking.

Sun has a compartment in his chest that holds a medical kit. To get to it, you basically hinge open his chest. Sometimes Mint forgets to empty this compartment during maintenance and gets concerned from the sound of it rattling around in there.

During the Ruin DLC, I'd say the dissociative barriers between Sun and Moon have dropped drastically. This allows them to reach somewhat of a co-con with relative ease. Their conscious reflects fluidly with their damaged body.

Spot has social anxiety, next question.

Strong Bad willingly tries those handshaken cocktails you see on your tik tok/reel feeds with weird themes. I'm specifically referring to the long island Barbie tea with edible chrome glitter.

Sayori's hands are very soft, completely uncalloused.

That Money Store fanart I did may as well be canon. Lucifer would 100% give her partner one of those leather dog masks. It's the ruling complex talking.

I don't mean this in a sexual context, but Nero knows her partner's body inside and out. Not all the time mind you, but her awareness of it is heightened if they've become soul bonded.

Mint barely got to know Gregory after they adopted him. This is due to them being separated again when the pizzaplex collapsed in on itself. Gregory misses his dad during this time. Despite neither being that close during the main story of Security Breach.

The previous headcanon was before Ruin dropped. Now that it's out, I'd like to overwrite it. Gregory has a perfectly decent relationship with Mint post pizzaplex collapsing. He and Vanessa end up as his caretakers. But Mint ends up becoming distant when they leave their side to go back to the pizzaplex to look for their romantic partners (Sun and Moon).

Sayori is autistic, surprisingly good at masking too. However her closer friends do encourage her to stop masking as often so she can live comfortably.

I like to think that one off gag of Strong Bad owning a large collection of various eggs goes a bit deeper than initially suggested. Some of them he nurtures until they hatch and basically raises the animals that come out of them. I mean he probably passed the responsibility onto Strong Sad or maybe even sells the animals to Bubs once they're old enough, but idk. I didn't flesh this thought out too well.

Moon likes picking Mint up and dragging them up towards the ceiling, despite the fact he knows they're scared shitless of heights. He's not like an asshole about it tho, he makes sure Mint doesn't have to see the ground at least and baby talks them if they start becoming visibly frightened.

[sabakos]

.

So the mountain dew thing I posted the other day is um. Hm. I'm going to turn reblogs off on that actually. It's very good I posted it and got to see people's reactions and I think I made some people laugh with how I presented it, don't feel bad if you reblogged it. but uh. yeah. Not only is it unfortunately true, if anything I downplayed it a bit and left out the parts that weren't funny. Which I now realize I don't really want to think about every time I check my notes tab for the next few weeks. I never kept count but I'm pretty sure I spent more than just a few nights in high school curled up in pain in front of the toilet. I lost over 50 pounds in a year from that.

Kind of maybe also some not-so-unintentional self-harm was going on there I think. It fits in a pattern with some other past habits of mine that I don't post much about because, well, I don't want to turn this into a trauma blog. If you really wanna know, I was a high-functioning alcoholic until age 26. Like, rarely sober outside working hours, most of my calories from alcohol level. End-stage. Due to other personal issues ("wait sabi, weren't you in a serious LTR then?" yes and also my mom was in a psych ward, we don't have time to unpack any of that), I quit drinking cold turkey in 2019 and realized looking through old pictures on my phone that I barely remembered most of what happened in college, let alone anything before that. I don't even know if it's technically amnesia, so much as dissociating so severely from my past. I had a "bit" of a major mental collapse in fall 2019 after quitting drinking as my mind slowly remembered how to have emotions, real clutch scheduling that right before a global pandemic.

Thankfully due to doing nothing for two and a half years, I remember most of college now, and I've been able to recover almost 3 full years of high school from basically fragments in the past year alone. My liver doesn't hurt anymore. I'm also physically repulsed by alcohol as a result of the withdrawal. But it's starting to get back far enough to start reminding me of the previous mental breakdown that I had in middle school that made me almost get held back in 8th grade. I... might decide I don't need to know about anything before that for a little while. Not sure I actually have the ability to make that decision though. It will work itself out nonetheless, it will just be less pleasant.

I've actually almost never actually been suicidal or intentionally thought "oh I'm doing this to hurt myself." But I'm not just shitposting about the whole body dysphoria thing, beyond any gender stuff I just also would prefer not to deal with being a body. I hate every photograph of me as soon as I take it, I can only bear to look at any of them once enough time has gone by that I can trick my brain into thinking it's not me. I believe I drank alcohol for the same reason I drank horrifying concoctions in high school and still sometime make too spicy food or eat so many sour patch kids and takis my mouth bleeds. I only hated the stomach cramps in high school because I didn't know why I had them, but when I finally vomited so hard I puked blood and burst blood vessels in my face, it felt good. I enjoy pain, I like the feeling that my body has been hurt when I'm the one directly causing it. I'm punishing it for existing. I know a couple mutuals of mine probably know exactly what I'm talking about based on their own posts. I also know now that I'm doing this, and that I need to stop doing it. I'm not too worried now that I've figured this out.

But also I think for the first time I can remember, I actively want to continue to exist. I know on some level that I need to accept that that will include my body and not just living out my social life on the internet. I... like other people, not just in a flirty way, and I know I'm saying this on Tumblr of all places but I promise if I ever meet any of you I'm one of the weirdest fucking interesting people you'll ever meet because it's what people are telling me all the time. I'm really shy and don't know how to initiate an interaction with a stranger, but if you can get me to say anything at all, I talk endlessly in my (apparently, strange) voice, I hold my body wrong in distracting ways, I abruptly change topics when I'm not supposed to. None of this occurs to me at the time I'm doing it, and I do know how to act correctly in any situation, I'm just wholly incapable of doing so. But somehow this reads as charming and eccentric rather than horribly rude to most people I meet? People tell me I'm the strangest person they've ever met as a complement. I don't really know why.

All the memories I've recovered have contradicted my past beliefs that I've always struggled to make friends. I think I just... didn't notice? But dozens of my peers consistently made the decision to go out of their way to spend time with me almost the whole time I knew them. I don't think that was out of sympathy, I sure wasn't the Special Ed kid. So I think I actually had close friends almost my whole life from age 10 onward, many of them even? all despite the fact that I wasn't really capable of consciously reciprocating a lot of the time, and that I totally forgot in the years since that some of them even existed until later. So I want to do that again somehow, have a bunch of people I know in real life that I'm close friends with. And actually realize it this time. And I hope I'm not deluding myself with what I remember, though I've been able to independently corroborate enough that I don't think so.

Anyway if anyone was curious, that's... most of my whole brain problems deal from the parts of my life I remember. Or as much as I can condense into a post anyway. Much of it was in fact rather happy and I usually present things in a much more positive light. This post was just not about that.

[daisychainsandbowties]

💖🤔🖊️ :)

💖 what do you like most about your own writing?

oh well my favorite thing is when the narrative sort of sneaks meaning inside itself. things like when the narrative reflects something the characters say in dialogue, or there's a central point of orientation in the narrative - i liked this especially in orbital mechanics which is perhaps my most beloved of my fics - because it's literally about the gravity of language.

i just love how meaning orbits meaning and exposes meaning, sneaking thing under the radar and launching them at mach speed in a single sentence. it's a poetry thing i guess, or at least that's where i picked up the habit, but i just really love twisting and turning around a moment or a fragment of meaning and forcing language to curve & accommodate it, like massive bodies cause dents in spacetime. it's the thing i like the most about the writing process itself - that moment when all the threads arrive back in my hands, so it's probably my favorite thing about the way i write

🤔 what's the hardest part of writing fic?

i would say consistent characterization, but i actually enjoy writing a little to the left or right of characters - as in, i'm easy with not getting them canon-compliant all the time. i adore the differences in how writers interpret characters - the lack of a pattern is a pattern, especially when it's written with this mutual understanding of a character 'at stake'. i find fics where lilith is an unrelenting asshole as enjoyable as fics where the Soft Bitch side of her is more evident. (i definitely have on Opinion on which is 'correct', but i love all of it. i only dislike when people write a character & it's obvious they don't love them. i think that's pretty easy to spot.)

oh but answering the actual question in a very meta way because the hardest part for me of writing fic is keeping inside of a scene. i just love to meander around in time and space. love a good old flashback. love to contextualise and recontextualise and fuck with linearity, but some fics need me to be in control and i simply... am not usually. so that's definitely what i find hard - i.e. going on a tangent inside of a tangent. going back in time when i'm already back in time. i have to dig myself out of inception-type situations with my writing all the time, and with fic i'm usually more permissive with myself as far as this habit goes because that's my space where i write simply for fun & happiness & sometimes to work through things, but usually the narrative itself really doesn't like to be punched full of holes like that, so yeah, definitely find it difficult to resist Doing That in fic.

🖊️ post a snippet from a current WIP. since i'm really in the halo!lilith sauce today we'll do a bit more of that.

tw for blood & gore

///

lilith collapses. she wants to describe her body as curling, but what it does, in fact, is curdle. It sours in her hands and in her knees and she is suddenly on the floor. no transition, no chronology. one moment she is standing, dripping head to toe in blood, and the next she is staring at beatrice through the tomb of her strewn limbs. there’s a terrible noise inside her body; the halo roiling inside her, red flashing under her skin like she is full of sirens.

she fades, watching beatrice wrench the blade of her spear from inside a body – a wet, suctioning sound like a mouth coming away from a nipple, and when she wakes up it is with the taste of iron and soot and something faintly sweet inside her mouth.

beatrice. bringing her back from the brink of unraveling with a kiss. bruise-hard, abandoned on her face – not like something worthless but like the kiss itself was too much to hold onto, like she had no choice but to leave it there.

the spectre of her resolves, and lilith will forever describe her like this. a ghoul, a phantom, a dog-earned page in the strangeness of the world. something to which she is always returning. a shore, an ocean, a pattern inside the world.

she is the first thing lilith sees, and she is not certain if her heart stopped beating - it feels too powerful, to frantic inside her - but she aches everywhere. especially at the points where Beatrice’s fingers score into her forearms, holding her loosely aloft off the concrete floor.

there is no one left living in the room.

aside from us. lilith almost says it aloud.

she shows beatrice all her pink teeth. it is not funny and the room is all shadows but the halo pinches her eyes - cruel mistress - and shows her snatches of the scene that unspools behind beatrice.

it is contrasted by her concern, the tremble in her bottom lip, bitten bloody. the leak of fluid down her face.

(lilith tells herself it could be anything, in this light, but she knows. bodies are so full of water)

the warehouse is littered with objects. her mind wants to say with corpses but a foul, pedantic piece of her, no doubt transplanted directly from the girl who is holding her, argues that a corpse must be intact, somewhat, to be considered itself.

the room, if strict definitions are adhered to, is full of body parts. a torso decorating the gantry with one arm still attached, dangling and dripping a weird stripe of red onto the ground underneath. the dusty concrete ribboned like lilith took a paintbrush to it, but she used a man. a boy, really, caving in around her outstretched hand as though she held him entire.

other details throw themselves at her. a pony-tail lying sopping on the ground; someone’s shoe, sitting perfectly upright like one of those stupid art pieces.

here is some experimental art, lilith thinks raggedly. she wants to say mirthlessly but she finds it funny, God help her. we could call it performance art, even, if it was not entirely real. there has to be some pretense in art, or it cannot be beautiful.

[kirkjerk]

Reread Tom Robbins' "Another Roadside Attraction". Like "Still Life with Woodpecker" (which I still rate as one of my all time favorites) it doesn't resonate for me quite as much on rereading, though I love the mystical and evocative squishiness of it all.

---

"...it had long been [Amanda's] theory that human beings were invented by water as a device for transporting itself from one place to another."

--

"When she was a small girl, Amanda hid a ticking clock in an old rotten tree trunk. It drove woodpeckers crazy. Ignoring tasty bugs all around them, they just about beat their brains out trying to get at the clock. Years later, Amanda used the woodpecker experiment as a model for understanding capitalism, Communism, Christianity and all other systems that traffic in future rewards rather than in present realities."

--

"Look, America is no more a democracy than Russia is a Communist state. The governments of the U.S. and Russia are practically the same. There's only a difference of *degree*. We both have the same basic *form* of government: economic totalitarianism. In other words, the settlement to all questions, the solutions to all issues are determined not by what will make the people most healthy and happy in their bodies and their minds but by economics. Dollars or rubles. Economy *über alles*. Let nothing interfere with economic growth, even though that growth is castrating truth, poisoning beauty, turning a continent into a shit-heap and driving an entire civilization insane. Don't spill the Coca-Cola, boys, and keep those monthly payments coming."

--

"Now here was Nearly Normal awakening her. He brought a cucumber sandwich and a half-pint of milk. Good. Food would revive her. The bread slices collapsed like movie-set walls beneath her bite; the mayonnaise squished, the cucumber snapped tartly like the spine of an elf."

--

"Meanwhile, Ziller was doing a bit of tasting himself. Amanda was melting from the glory of it. She felt like the frosting left on the spoon that iced the Cake of the World."

--

"As was my custom in such elements I hunkered against the rain, drew my head into my collar, turned my eyes to the street, tensed my footsteps and proceeded in misery. But my hosts, I soon noticed, reacted in quite another way. They strolled calmly and smoothly, their bodies perfectly relaxed. They did not hunch away from the rain but rather glided through it. They directed their faces to it and did not flinch as it drummed their cheeks. They almost reveled in it. Somehow, I found this significant. The Zillers accepted the rain. They were not at odds with it, they did not deny it or combat it; they accepted it and went with it in harmony and ease. I tried it myself. I relaxed my neck and shoulders and turned my gaze into the wet. I let it do to me what it would. Of course, it was not trying to do anything to me. What a silly notion. It was simply falling as rain should, and I a man, another phenomenon of nature, was sharing the space in which it fell. It was much better regarding it that way. I got no wetter than I would have otherwise, and if I did not actually enjoy the wetting, at least I was free of my tension. I could even smile."

--

"John Paul, didn't you once do a painting on the inside of a parachute? And then repack the chute? So that the only way anyone could enjoy your painting was to jump out of an airplane and look up at it on the way down? What was the purpose of that?"

"I wanted to test the art lover's commitment. It might be desirable for museums and galleries to devise a similar test."

--

"Sexuality ringed Amanda the way a penumbra rings a shadow."

--

"You people, that fucking magician, I don't know all it is you've got yourselves into. But you wouldn't be in this mess with your government and with the Church if somebody had raised you with a little guts, if somebody had put the fear of God in you."

"You're talking about the fear of authority."

"Authority. Damn right. You never learned to respect authority."

"In order to be respected, authority has got to be respectable." Amanda whipped the custard with a wooden spoon.

"Oh? Our duly constituted authority isn't respectable enough for you."

"The only authority I respect is that one that causes butterflies to fly south in fall and north in springtime."

"You mean God?" "Not necessarily."

--

"Nothing to lose, Marx, and nothing to gain. Nothing to lose and nothing to gain. A man can be as free and happy as he wants to be because there's nothing to lose and nothing to gain."

[ggreactionsandscenarios]

Hi👋can i request were blackpink 5th member was casted in a movie and it has kissing scenes but since she doesn't want to giver her 1st kiss to just some guy she ask jisoo instead to be her 1st kiss but things escalated quickly(can u do it in smut?)TY

Jisoo x Reader

Be my first

You don't know how things escalated so quickly but Jisoo was on top of you now.

Everything started with that movie you auditioned for, it was about some girl finding the love of her life on a bus ride. Nothing really special for a drama, at the exception of a really important and heated kiss scene with the male character.

To be honest if you knew about it beforehand you would have thought twice before auditioning.

For most people it wasn't much but you never had a girlfriend nor a boyfriend and by the mean of things never had your first kiss either. It was a lot for you to just give your first kiss to some random stranger even if it came with a paycheck.

You decided to talk to Jisoo about it, after all she had some experience with dramas and could give you some piece of advice.

And at first it really was just that, a simple conversation nothing more. However as you listened to her saying that you’ll just have to pretend it’s someone you actually like, an idea made its way up your mind. Soon enough making you blurred it out to Jisoo’s surprise.

“Be my first Unnie !”

Jisoo seemed as shocked as you but before you could take it back she just straight up agreed.

“Okay.”

You couldn’t believe your ears, not that it was that unbelievable but it was actually. What were the chances that your little crush on one of your member turns out to make you say the stupiest thing ever, convincing her to kiss you ?

You were surely happy that she said yes but what were you supposed to do now ? It still was your first kiss you were talking about but now it was also involving one of your first crush. You couldn’t just be relaxed about the whole situation.

Somehow you felt better when Jisoo got closer holding your hands, both of you still sat on her bed, facing each other.

Jisoo's smile was comforting, making you feel at ease when your lips touched for the first time. It was a small peck nothing crazing, Jisoo was only testing the water for now.

As she saw you weren't changing your mind she dived in a second time, moving her lips against yours this time, your body responding naturally. Her hand was caressing your jaw and she used her thumb to caress your lips when she detached herself from you the second time.

This time staying close, her forehead resting on yours, her eyes were gravitating from your lips to your eyes repetitively. You were about to thank her when she cut you off with a third kiss this time hungrier, her tongue sneaking itself in your mouth, dancing with yours.

It was erratic, almost needy like she had been keeping herself from doing that before, a feeling that got confirmed after she took a breath.

"You can't imagine how much I've been wanting to do this."

As if she dropped the biggest secret of her entire lifetime Jisoo tried playing it off.

"I mean ... well you know maybe I had a little crush on you, just maybe.."

Like in the movies she was scratching her neck, visibly nervous which was oddly satisfying from your point of view. Seeing your long-time crush being nervous about her crush on you seemed like a fairytail and a fairly good one.

"What if it's reciprocated ?"

Jisoo looked back at you, shocked before regaining her composure. She wouldn't want you to think she isn't confident.

"Then you wouldn’t mind if I kiss you again, would you ?"

This time you didn't wait for her to do the first move and just went for it. Kissing Jisoo was addicting, her lips were magnetic, if not embrace around yours they were still always gravitating close, brushing just enough to taste.

That's how you ended up pinned against the mattress, Jisoo giving you kisses along your neck while she maintains your wrists against the bed.

There was no denying she was good, her kisses were exquisite, she knew when to touch, when to lick and when to bite down your skin. You couldn't wish for a better first.

Somewhere along the way the first kiss was becoming a first time but you weren't mad about it. You had time to think about it and knew you were ready, anyway once she bite down your lobe there was no thinking straight anymore. Starting from there there was no more thinking it was all about feeling and right now it felt good.

Her hands coming from your wrists to lace your fingers with hers felt good, her mouth on your tits felt good. The only thing that didn't felt good was the clothes that were still separating the two of you.

Which you took care of by throwing them away not minding where they'll land, her tee-shirt and pants out of the way you could finally feel her skin against yours. It didn’t take long before she undressed you too, eager to see you, to feel you fully and to admire your skin shivering at her every touch.

Starting from there you couldn't tell if things went too fast or too slow. She went down on you taking her time licking your folds and playing with your clit when you were already soaking wet. Yet your orgasm was fast to come once she fingered you deep with her index and middle fingers, not letting you enjoy the feeling of being filled up enough for your liking.

Luckily Jisoo wasn't here to count, she was happy to continue, getting you on top of her so you'll ride her thigh.

Seeing you on top of her made her go insane as she helped you move by grabbing your ass and bringing it closer to her. The action making you wetter instantly, as she let her hand massage your clit, still bringing your body closer with the other one.

"Oh shit look at you, you're so hot riding me like that."

Those words had an immediat impact on you bringing over the edge once again. As you collapsed on Jisoo, you felt her release on your thigh as your knee brushed against her sex as it had been repetively when you were riding her. You were mindblowed by everything that was happening, your orgasm but also the fact that you made her cum and most of all how it led you to being in her arms right now.

“Are you okay ?”

Jisoo inquired worried that you might be in pain or regretful but you weren’t and made it clear by giving her a peck and reajusting yourself in her arms. She caressed you hair as your head was resting on her torso.

“I don’t think I can let you kiss another person like you kissed me though. I take my advice back, you shouldn’t kiss anyone like you kiss me.”

Hey, here's yours and Jisoo's first time. Give feedback 😄 Took some time to make so hope it's good -Ael

[writingforyourpleasure]

Quite the Temper

Genre: NonIdol!AU, University!AU, College!AU, Bestfriends!AU

Pairing: Vernon/Hansol x Seungkwan, Verkwan

Summary: Seungkwan and Hansol are bestfriends, the only problem is Seungkwan massive crush on the so-called friend. Not to forgot his girlfriend. What if Hansol doesn't have a girlfriend anymore tho?

Word Count: 4k353

Warnings: smut, anal sex, a litlle bit of spit.

A/N: So sad to see so little content about this incredibly cute ship, and even les smut about it. First MxM fic, did it for fun . There's probably a ton of misspelling sorry.

______

Seugkwan was definitely drunk right now.

He had started to drink way too soon. He started an hour before Minguy came to drive him and his friends to the party they planned going to.

Jihoon had asked them to go, which came as a shock knowing the black haired boy.

Even for their group it was pretty uncommon to go to any parties .

But they all soon learned that Soonyoung was the reason has to why their extroverted friend had asked them to join him to a party.

At first Seugkwan had stayed chatting with Jeonghan over a drink . But soon the discussion took a turn to how beautiful SeungCheol was tonight , and yes of course the man was cute tonight even though he was a messy drunk making a fool of himself laughing way too loud to one of SeokMin’s lame jokes, but then a more subtle laugh would add itself to the loud mess. That laugh was mesmerizing to Seugkwan.

“Seugkwan? Are you even listening to me?” Jeonghan sounded genuinely upset, so with a little bit of struggle Seugkwan turned his attention back up to his friend.

“Sorry did I miss anything about you thirsting over your man?”

The smooth features of Jeonghan became harsher in judgment .

“Ok so then maybe I should just leave you by yourself to go and enjoy ‘my man’ ?”

At that Seugkwan pouted looking over to his friend facing him with his whole body in an attempt to make him rethink his position .

“C’mon don’t do it please , Look I was just joking alright ? Nothing could compare to the sight of you getting drunk and talking weirdly about your ugly boyfriend.”

“Watch it! Coz’ you know damn well you’re no better than me Kwan’!”

“I do not know what you’re making assumption to.”

“Bullshit, while I was maybe ‘thristing’ over SeungCheol we both know which ass you were-“

“BABE!!!!” Seungcheol was both a curse and a benediction at this point, even when he was THIS drunk apparently.

Seungcheol wrapped his long ass limbs over his boyfriend in an attempt to hug him or so it seemed. Jeonghan didn’t seemed to mind at all kissing languidly his boyfriend , who became a blushing mess in less than 2 seconds of his boyfriend making a move on him. Weirdly Seungcheol was never the one to make the first move in their relationship, Jeonghan was always the one to initiate no matter where or who was watching unfortunately. Seugkwan had been the witness to those initiations way to many times. He was traumatized to say the least.

“Cheollie why would you drink that much?”

“I was missing you” Seungcheol whispered yelled at him.

Seugkwan faked gagging on his fingers in front of their disgusting lovingly attempts, making the couple halt.

“Ho shit man , I’m so sorry Kwannie, I didn’t see you! How is my favorite red haired softy?” He said collapsing in Kwan’s arms.

“I am not a softy leave those nicknames to your poor boyfriend I didn’t sign up for that shit.”

Seungcheol was looking genuinely hurt and Seugkwan did feel a little bad .

“Why are you in a shitty mood Kwannie??? You always loved my nicknames…. Did you broke up with your girlfriend too?”

“Who broke up with their girlfriend?”

“Honey, Seungkwan’s gay as fuck…” said an exasperate Jeonghan trying to rip apart the dead weight Seungcheol was on Seungkwan’s shoulders .

“I didn’t know you had a girlfriend Seungkwan.” Said a smooth voice over the way to loud music.

“I don’t!” Seungkwan looked over to Hansol to found him with dark circles under his eyes but his dark blond hair was lifting up the tired features of his face, he was looking devilishly handsome as always.

Seungkwan was starting to loose himself in the perfect shape of his eyebrows , wondering what it would feel like to touch them with his own, while Jeonghan was telling to the boys how Seungkwan was as gay as they can be and by consequence wouldn’t ever think of looking for a girlfriend.

“But wait you didn’t answered Cheol, who broke up with their girlfriend ?” Asked Seungkwan trying not to be a creep and not to stare so shamelessly but he knew that Jeonghan had caught him staring as always.

”That would be me .” Said a tight lip sealed Hansol.

Well done idiot! Seungkwan and Hansol knew each other pretty well , they all did since it was a 13 group of friends, but for the previous months Seugkwan had started getting an big embarrassing crush on Hansol. But being fully aware of the fact that he was in a relationship with a girl two classes above them , he never tempted to try to make a move on Hansol. If you were ever to say that you saw him rubbing his face on his friend’s shoulder or had a huge smile whenever he would seat on his lap instead of a chair because they were too many for the table, then he would brush it off and say you were making things up.

Last week tho, Seungkwan had felt something hard against his ass while sitting on his friend lap, he didn’t say anything , and if he had a devilish smile on his face each time he had to move to catch a fork on the ground and by consequence grind his ass on his friend’s hard on, he would say it was pure unluck . He was pretty proud of himself seeing his friend excuse himself to the bathroom for a few minutes longer than needed right before their classes would start, and when he came back, he was redder than usual and his breath a little harsher too.

Seungkwan that night used those images too pleasure himself trying to picture the redder flesh of his friend masturbating, he even added spiced up the thoughts thinking it was about him that his friend had come . But after the deed was done his mind catched up with reality and he cried that night over the fact , that of course his friend didn’t masturbate over him. He masturbated over the thoughts of his well cherished girlfriend.

“ You broke up with her ?” Jeonghan asked a little surprised.

“Yeah yesterday morning.”

“Why?” said Seungkwan in a cold tone surprising his friends.

“I don’t know dude…. We just- I fell out of love I guess. I tried to fake my feelings in order to get them back, for a few weeks. But it didn’t worked. So I broke up.”

“I’m sorry ‘sol” Said Jeonghan trying to push off his drunk boyfriend , who was kissing him on his neck.

Hansol laughed a little over the drunken state of his best friend.

“I’m gonna put him to bed, before he starts undressing himself in front of everyone. See you guys!” Jeonghan said trying to make Seungcheol stand up a little.

“Right have fun you two!” Replied Hansol smirking knowingly to his friends , before staring ahead at Seungkwan who felt himself blushing under the shameless staring.

“You want to chat a little in the garden ?”

Seungkwan nodded a bit shy at the attention and followed his friend outside.

Minguy and Joshua had joined them at some point saying they didn’t want to see Hoshi and Jihoon making out ever again.

Their little group was talking about everything and nothing at all.

Later a girl named Soo-ah had joined them with Wonwoo not far off. Minguy and her were pretty good friends apparently so they started chatting among themselves mostly as did Wonwoo and Joshua talking about a new cocktail that Joshua learned how to do over the summer at his cousin’s house in LA.

Seugkwan was once again on Hansol’s lap , not that he minded . He was sipping slowly on his drink that Joshua made.

“So… You got a boyfriend?” It took all of Seungkwan will power not to spit out his drink at Hansol’s words.

“Wh-What? I-No I don’t .” He replied trying not to sound too shock over the harmless question.

“Why?”

“Why, Why?”

“Why don’t you have one?”

“Maybe it’s gonna be a shocker to you, since you’re one of the most popular guys at our school, but weirdly people aren’t attracted to me, and ready to undress themselves right on the spot like cheol with Jeonghan, so pretty hard to found any dicks.” Said Seungkwan opting to be as blunt as possible to pass his awkwardness as subtlety as possible.

Hansol laughed out at that.

“Well I think you’re attractive.”

“Wait what?” Seugkwan was looking at Hansol with some kind of concern in his eyes.

“What can’t I found you attractive?”

Seungkwan blushed, maybe he underestimated Joshua’s drinks now.

“Obviously you can it’s just… aren’t you supposed to be sad over your breakup or something?”

“I mean I’ve been sad over it for a month now, guilt tripping myself over my emotions, now that I’m single I feel like trying out new things without feeling guilty about it.”

“So what you decided that tonight would be a good night to flirt with the first guy you see?”

“Not the first guy I see, You.”

“Why tho? Isn’t that strange?”

“Is it? Are you uncomfortable?”

“N-NO… It’s just we’re friends, what about after?”

“Hahaha Seungkwan, Don’t worry I didn’t say I wanted us to have sex tonight or something.”

There was a minute long silence , both of them getting lost in the other eyes.

“I wouldn’t mind tho…” whispered Seungkwan , and OH god he was definitely never drinking Joshua’s cocktails again.

But it apparently sparked something deep inside because Seungkwan definitely felt something move under his lap . This lit up an unknown fire deep inside him.

“We could just go to your room upstairs and there I could just go down on my knees for you. Would you like it Hansol?” The boy whispered in his friend’s right ear, slightly catching his lobe with his teeth and licking it.

Hansol slapped his hand against Seungkwan thighs trying to get him to move up . When the red haired boy did , Hansol took his hand leading him inside the house to the staircase, then to his room, locking it.

Once done he pushed gently the boy on the door going for his neck, at that the smaller boy blushed a deep crimson making its way to his face while his lips were push apart by slightly less bigger ones.

Seungkwan took over his numb body to push his tongue past his friend lips .

Friend? Could he even say that anymore? He didn’t see Hansol as a friend since quite a while was he?

His crush, as if he heard Seungkwan getting lost in his doubts, pushed his hands under the older t-shirt.

His freezing hands leaving hot trails on the aching skin underneath .

Seungkwan was swimming in heaven from finally having the wanted attention of the one he liked so much.

Hansol was trying to behave but the boy grew more impatient the more he was confronted to the endless amount of clothes between them . He moved the other boy to his bed lifting up his shirt over Seungkwan head and doing the same with his.

When he went again for the comforting and lovely feeling of the pillowy lips of Seungkwan , the other boy tried to get Hansol’s pants out of the way, Hansol quickly picking up on the motion help him out and did the same with Seungkwan pants.

“Han-Hansol.”

Seugkwan was growing more and more impatient.

Hansol just wanted him as much, but couldn’t care about being impatient he wanted to savor this.

He didn’t had sex for a while mostly jerking off to random videos or his thoughts .

Those thoughts often leaded to gay sex with blank face,’til at the very edge one became clearer and the softs facial traits of Seugkwan appeared.

At second time it happened during the same week, it leaved the boy a little surprised as normally his erotic dreams were more populated with his girlfriend face, sometimes though he had to admit her face became more masculine, her cheek chubby , and her hair shorter . But he just thought he was getting panted up to a masculine version of her. Until one night months ago , he asked her to try dressing up as masc for a making out saying he wanted to experiment , being honest with his feelings.

And it was great , but something was missing.

Until he had an wet dream about this phantasm again. Then he understood what he jerked off to wasn’t his girlfriend but one of his best friends.

Since that day , every time he felt horny he just couldn’t leave the sight of his friend ass alone.

But it wasn’t only about that. That would have been to simple.

There was a feeling deep down his throat, as it went dry for what seemed no good reason, except Seungkwan antics growing louder as Hansol retrieve further in his quiet persona.

Hansol had a big crush on his friend , and he knew his friend had one as well , each lingering glance from him was a shot of dopamine to him. The way sometimes when Hansol ex was rambling about a topic Seungkwan couldn’t seem to stop being touchy with him , like he was trying to prove a point to the girl.

And Hansol let him be , enjoying it as much as his friend did, sure the first time he felt a bit guilty to have let Seungkwan sit on his lap instead of his girlfriend , but she didn’t seemed to mind .

To her Hansol and Seungkwan were friends nothing more .

Tonight the young man had a point to prove.

“Wait, Are you a virgin?”

“No. I mean it’ll only be my third time tho and I didn’t do it in a long time, the last time was like 1 year ago I think. But I finger myself often enough so it won’t hurt if we take it slow.”

“Do you now ?” Hansol’s voice was dripping with lust just imagining the obscene scene in front of him.

“Mind showing me?” He asked to a blushing Seungkwan. The flustered boy went for Hansol’s fingers before his friend stray away from his touch.

“Be good and show me yourself Kwannie” Seungkwan was at first kinda shocked by Hansol’s playful demeanor.

“But I want yours.” Said the boy without budging , a pout to his lips.

“Too bad , you’ll have to work for it .” Hansol went for a quick kiss before sitting on his desk chair looking good as ever with a small rictus for his partner to see.

“Well then I’m gonna be needing lube.” Still red as a tomato but looking straightforward to the other boy.

Hansol hot up and went to his nightstand opening the first drawer to pick up and leave on the bed his cotton candy lube.

Seungkwan lift one of his eyebrows at this.

“Fancy” A smirk drawing itself on the boy’s lips.

Right now Hansol was suffering from the lack of physical contact from the other boy , but he knew it’ll soon all be worth it.

Seungkwan, shyly grab the edge of his boxer brief , preparing himself for the worst. Seungkwan didn’t like the way he looked, he had gone through many diets to always maintain a certain weight and he did. He wasn’t fat or even chubby, he just got in his head too much.

He was scared in front of his crush. Hansol was very well built and often went to the gym.

Seungkwan was in his head to much , so much that he couldn’t see the adoring eyes on his form.

Hansol knew Seungkwan wasn’t chubby but he didn’t think his friend had abs.

Seungkwan didn’t even realized he was frowning that much until rough palms went to grab his sides gently.

And soon the older boy was in the warm embrace of his friend.

“You’re so beautiful Seungkwan.” The older boy felt his heart throb overwhelmed by his emotions.

Seeing how well Seungkwan was responding to his touch and was now left unbothered by what initial thoughts were clouding his mind , Hansol grabbed his thighs lifting him up before sitting him to his desk chair.

He kissed the older with hunger and lust all the way , throwing some teeth into it, biting slightly at Seungkwan’s plumply lips.

“You don’t have to do anything you don’t feel up to. I don’t got any expectations from you. Even if we only cuddle and kiss that would be enough Kwan’.”

“But I really want to have sex with you.”

“Yeah but we can always have sex later when you’re mind is more at ease.”

“Later ?”

“I wouldn’t mind this being a thing, I mean you really look pretty getting all worked up for me, but I also want you to sit on my lip and to hug and kiss you whenever I feel like it. If you’re up to it.”

“Wh-at? But it’s … You mean being my boyfriend right? But I thought you wanted to experiment ? And just like that ? isn’t it … I don’t know , sudden?”

“Yes you dummy being your boyfriend , I want to experiment, but it’ll be best if it’s with you. And it’s not something I haven’t thought about before. I’ll be proud to have you as my Boyfriend Seugkwan.”

“Pass me the lube .”

Hansol giggled getting up and passing his now boyfriend the cotton candy lube.

And before he could do a move Seungkwan was entering his middle finger up his lubed ass.

Hansol sinked to his knees at the sight running his tongue up his upper lip.

Before lapping at his angry head. He was preventing his boyfriend thighs to choke him. As much as he loved them he didn’t planned on letting his boyfriend writhing with lust in his frat house during a party.

He then proceeded to wrap his mouth on his boyfriend’s member. Hollowing his cheek on his hard on , going up and down, doing repetitive design with his tongue.

It was very different from his ex, But he preferred it, even when he wasn’t suppose to compare the two , he couldn’t believed one could be has vocal as Seungkwan during sex.

If Seungkwan wasn’t the one leading in the bedroom , he sure remained very vocal.

At first the moans were very clear, but the further the interaction between the two continued the more incomprehensible the sentences becamed.

Next thing he knew, The oldest was now stimulating his asshole at full speed with 3 fingers and looked delirious with his dick covered in Hansol’s spit.

Hansol got up and carried his boyfriend to his bed , before stripping from his boxers.

He once again retrieved something from his nightstand drawer causing a delicate hand to wrap around his and take the condom from him to open it up.

And for the first time tonight Hansol felt skin on skin where he needed it most.

A low moan almost in pain erupt from its throat sending sparks in his boyfriend low abdomen.

Seungkwan wanted, needed to hear that magnificent sound again. He knew that he’ll store that knowledge as jack off material for later.

Once the condom applied Hansol aligned himself with his boyfriend entrance.

He thrusted hard and deep , no mercy showed on his boyfriend bending his body up , caged between Hansol’s firm chest.

He waited for a sign to keep on going from the oldest.

Seungkwan never felt that filled up never it was the greatest feeling of all , he felt his eyes rolled back and his hole clenching around the large member of the youngest.

“You’re taking me in so well baby. You look so hot right now. I can’t believe what I jerked myself off to so many times is happening.” Said Hansol before attaching his lips to his boyfriend’s.

Seungkwan took an expected turn as he spit a little in his boyfriend mouth detaching himself from him to see a strand of spit still connecting the two. For some unknow reason Seungkwan got even more aroused at the sight.

“Move already” And Hansol did so.

“God your so bossy I swear, what am I gonna do with such a brat.” Asked Hansol in a sugar-coated voice accompanied by a deep growl.

“Hanso-ol… it’s so go-ood.” And it did , to Seungkwan he never felt as aroused as he was now , it was so good that tears of pleasure were coming to blurry his vision.

“Are you okay Baby?”

“Ye-Yeah just … feels reallyreally good.” Hansol took Seungkwan hands from the sheets to put them to his hair, instinctively Seungkwan pulled with no restraint on it.

“Just focus on me.” Said Hansol as he speed up , rutting at an accelerated speed inside his boyfriend.

As they chased each other’s orgasm’s Seungkwan’s left hand felled on Hansol’s bare back, where he started painting red lines with his nails going as deep as he wished without his boyfriend even complain about it. It added to the pleasure at this point.

Hansol still had a point to be made and covered the fragile neck skin of his boyfriend in hickeys declaring the success of their night together to everyone to naïve to pay attention.

They were both really sweaty it had nothing classy . Hansol was pounding into his boyfriend’s hips at a brutal pace, but it was still done in some much love and emotions.

A big drop of water felled from Seungkwan’s eyes landing into Hansol tongue as he licked the drop away, shooing him down as the whines of Seungkwan became louder, needier, and more high pitched.

Hansol was grunting again Seungkwan’s right ear licking it and biting it before a loud line of moan’s of Seungkwan’s name felled from it , making him whimper against his ear , provoking a balance in temperature.

And Seungkwan felt himself fall from the edge . “Hans-OL” He structured , this was the deepest moan of the night by the oldest and Hansol found it extremely hot. That’s what did the trick for him, He filled up with an worrying amount of cum his condom as he rode through his high with a loud moan of Seungkwan name over and over again.

He stilled down for a few minutes , both of them recovering however they could from their wild orgasm. He ran his hands alongside the sides of his now boyfriend.

“Seungkwan I love you.”

“I love you.” Smiled Seungkwan at hansol , when he retrieved from his used hole.

He tied it down and throw it away in the ben next to his desk quietly .

“I know you’re not gonna want to hear this but , let’s take a shower, I don’t want you to have sore muscles in the morning.”

“Maybe you should have though better before pounding into me like there’s no tomorrow.” Answered sassily Seungkwan and, for the first time tonight, Hansol was a blushing mess to the dirty choice of words from his new boyfriend.

After they showered and did a slow making out session under the hot spay of the bathroom , they got under the cover of the used and old bed of Vernon.

“Can I ask you a question?”

“Shoot.”

“When did you have a boyfriend last year , I never meet him?” Asked Vernon while cuddling his boyfriend.

“A boyfriend? Hooooo you mean the person I was having sex with?”

“Wasn’t he your boyfriend ?”

“Hell no! Why would I want Soonyoung as a boyfriend? Who in their damn right mind would want that except for Jihoon? I don’t have a death wish, thanks!”

“Soonyo-o-oung?”

“Yeah, We decided to do our first time together since we’re best friend, we preferred loosing it to someone important for us instead of when we’ll be too drunk to even see what our date’ll look like in a frat house.” He said with a pointed look to Vernon.

“You’re not drunk right?”

“No, we’re just in your frat ass with some lingering drunken people downstairs.”

“Okay , Okay I got it, next time it’ll be more romantic, baby.” Said Hansol kissing Seungkwan’s temple. At his words the oldest got a marvelous sensation taking over all his emotions.

“I love you.”

“I love you.” Whispered Hansol in his right ear.

A little silence made itself known between the two , relaxing both of them.

“Wait. So did you have sex twice with Soonyoung?”

A long sight of exasperation came out of Seungkwan’s mouth.

“Yeah. Let’s say my dream came true and I did have sex while being drunk in this frat house, he was too. It was okay but sad sex so, we promised not to do it again.”

“Why was it sad ?”

“You brought your girlfriend for the first time around to the so-called party, and it made me sad.”

Hansol a little shocked to hear that , even with him knowing about Seungkwan’s crush for a little while , he hadn’t figured it was this old. He came back to himself and pampered with kisses the smooth skin of his boyfriend.

“Ex-Girlfriend, I have an amazing boyfriend now, have you met him yet?”

Seungkwan turned to face his smiling boyfriend.

“No I haven’t…”

“That’s too bad, he must be around , let me introduce him to you.”

“It’s okay I think he won’t mind if you let him be for tonight and stay up with me instead.”

“I don’t know he really has a temper.” Vernon said smirking , before a sudden fist collided with his abdomen, and both of them ended up giggling through a soft peck on the lips, before drifting off to sleep in the sweet embrace of each other.

[the-illiterate-pirate]

Not doing good. Feeling achy and in need of cuddles. Again.

What is wrong with this body?

Anyway, remembered the plot for that Tooru idea, and now it's all y'all's problem >:) hope you six JoJolion readers enjoy

No I don't care if the lyrics don't match up in time with the writing shut up shut up

I Can't Help Falling in Love

Pretty big spoilers for JoJolion, but if you're looking for Tooru content then you probably already know what's up

He watched your frail body curl into itself from his side of the bed. You had been sick for so long now and something inside of him stirred every time you coughed or hacked or collapsed back into bed. Even in sleep, with two extra blankets, you shivered so violently.

Tooru took it upon himself to bring you into his arms. He didn't have much knowledge on comforting someone, but maybe sharing heat would help you. Even if it wasn't much. You stirred slightly once his gentle hands touched you. When you realized it was only to move you into his warm arms you melted back into your blankets and his hug. His left hand rubbed at your back from under your oversized shirt while his right massaged at your scalp. The sigh that left your lips warmed his heart. "Tooru....Hey, Tooru..."

"Yes? What is it?"

Your face hit against his chest weakly, deciding against trying to lift your heavy head to look up at him, away from his warm petting. It hurt too much, anyway.

He smelled nice, too. You weren't sure what it was. But it was calming, with a little hint of something medicinal, probably something he used often at the hospital to wipe down tables. It was a smell that had you knowing you were in gentle, caring hands.

"Could you play my Elvis Presley CD? Please? I really wanna listen to music, if that's okay, I think I remember you saying you liked Elvis..."

Tooru let a soft smile grow on his lips, only for you to see. "Yeah, I'd like that too. I'll be back, okay?" He places a soft kiss on the crown of your head before leaving the bed with you a whimpering mess behind him. It was cute, but made him a bit sad to hear you crying over him. Tooru doesn't think anyone's ever cried over him before.

He quickly pushed in the sky blue CD that held Elvis Presley's greatest hits into your player. The CD player took a second too long for his liking to read the disc. But once it did, the song "Can't Help Falling in Love" started it's melodic instrumental. How fitting, one of Tooru's favorites, too. After Wonder of You, of course.

As the king's voice filled the small bedroom Tooru snuck back into your bed. You were nearly nodding off again, only to be reawakened as your bed bounced under his weight. You gladly snuggled back deep into his arms while you enjoyed your music.

"Shall I stay? Would it be a sin?"

Tooru took this time to watch your face. Even as you looked sickly, with those dark rings around your eyes, he thought you were the most beautiful human he'd ever seen. There was an unearthly glow to you that he'd never seen anywhere else.

You were so pretty.

"Some things, you know, are meant to be."

Was this meant to be?

His kind weren't supposed to fall in love with humans. In every case he'd seen, it never ended well. But... He didn't want it to end. Like an insect, you somehow had burrowed yourself deep into his heart, but he didn't want to remove you. He was afraid your feelings for him were just as genuine as his for you.

"Y/n?"

Your weak, pale eye opened to look at him. "Yes?"

"You're not going to die, are you?" His question was so sudden and bizarre, that you actually laughed. It was immediately regretted once your chest heaved and spasmed under the unfamiliar feeling. "What? Of course not." You laughed a bit more. "You know, for a part-time nurse, you sure do worry over the littlest things."

You'll be okay. Good. "It's just.. I don't want you to leave me."

Not now, not ever. His hug constricted you a little more.

"Tooru, it's just a fever. I'll be fine by next week."

"Promise?"

"Promise." His childish worry made you smile a little. In an attempt to appease him, you cupped his cheek in your palm. Your hands were clammy a little, but he didn't really mind. "Promise."

Your boyfriend leaned down the slightest bit, until your lips were just centimeters apart. "Can I have a kiss?"

"Tooru, you could get sick too."

"I don't mind. I want a kiss." He didn't even wait for a reply. Once the word left his mouth he immediately pressed his lips into yours. Nothing more than a tiny lip lock, but it made you feel lighter than air.

"Take my hand. Take my whole life, too."

One last kiss was added to your head. You slowly drifted back to sleep as Presley's melodic singing continued onto the final verse. And this time, Tooru wouldn't interrupt your sleep again.

"For I can't help falling in love with you."

[venuscribble]

No open cars, no open bars — Kim Namjoon

A/N: Hello again! Sorry I will do everything but follow the laws of grammar in my writing, I'm working on it... Grammarly hates my guts. Anyways, please do enjoy!

Summary: Joon takes his most favourite person to his most favourite spot in Seoul. He even gains a new friend on the way, too.

Fluff, hints of idol!Joon, gender neutral reader, bullying in a very romantic and charming way

It feels like I’ve lived for this little moment

On the two wheels, everything is just a trivial daydream

“Nearly there!” calls out Namjoon, riding ahead of you with his navy denim jacket billowing slightly behind, spanning out to meet the push of the wind like the wings of a dove. As the same gust pushes itself through your hair and makes waste to the careful styling you had applied to it, you can't help but realise it doesn't treat you half as nice as it does to the man before you. The gentle breeze makes his every movement elegant as he peddles along, head turning side to side to make sure every inch of the scenery around him is taken in. Intently, Namjoon soaks every little detail of his ride up and leaves nothing to be ignored. There’s not a single thing his pensive mind cannot see the beauty in, as his legs continue their steady push of the pedals below him. Nothing is minute, and to Namjoon, everything has its unique charm. It makes perfect sense for Namjoon to demand that the physical embodiment of everything he loves most about biking should accompany him on his next excursion. Despite your feeble argument against it, you knew how much accompanying Joon meant to him, a signal of trust and love which such a small gesture revealed to you. “It’ll be absolutely perfect,” he gushed as you agreed. “My baby and my bike. My two favourite things.”

You’ll do almost anything to see the bright beam of a smile Joon emits when he hears any good news. Even, it seems, deal with the gradual pain in your calves as you carry on peddling your bike along the smooth concrete path. Casting your gaze around, you understand with full clarity why Joon comes here to think - the world around you feels nothing less than idyllic. With the golden light of the sun meeting the greenery on either side of the road which you and your partner now inhabit, it feels like nothing of the cold concrete world you’re used to. Saturated and delicate, the air of perfectness is almost confusing in a sense of unfamiliarity to you. Even the daisies along the path's edge which greet you with a bow as the wind hits them feels closer to a Ghibli movie than your admittedly average life. It feels so unlike bustling Seoul, unlike unforgiving earth, unlike any dimension you could conjure up. This moment between you and Namjoon is so intimate that you conclude the space belongs to both of you and you two only. Only yours and Joon’s reality to feel the sunlight warming your cheeks and to think back on in future days.

“You look so peaceful.” You call out to Joon, hoping your voice carries through the whirring of your wheels and your backpack which audibly jiggles under your peddling. Namjoon smiles to himself, head ducking slightly in bashfulness. Accepting compliments from such a deity as yourself…he knows that will never be his forte. Alas, something his high IQ falters at - the praise of his loved one. He doesn't have a moment to string a reply together when along the path ahead he spots something that has him squeezing his brakes.

“Ah, check it out!” He exclaims happily, dismounting his bike as you brake to find...a traffic mirror? As you settle your own bike out the way to walk to your boyfriend, your head comes to rest on his shoulder from behind, looking up to the circular shape. It gives off an almost fish eye effect, the sky which is gaining an orange hue curving around your interlocked figures. A strong arm moves to hook around your waist, as Joon pulls you into his side. Seizing the opportunity to finally have you close once again, his lips plant a small kiss atop your head.

You give a small puff of a laugh. “Yknow, stopping to look at your reflection is a little vain.”

“Stopping to look at our reflections,” Joon jokes with a soft squeeze to your hip. “Me and my love.”

Your head turns to find where Joon had left his bike - of course, rather half-hazzardly abandoned in the middle of the path.

“You just left your love in the middle of the road.”

Namjoon can only let out a long and disapproving aish at your joke, releasing the hand on your waist only to engulf you in a gentle hug. Your head rests against his chest, finding solace in the familiar deep scent of his cologne. His arms wrap around your frame and rest on your hips, chin resting atop your head as he begins to rock your bodies side to side.

“Stop that.” He whines, rather than scolds. “You know I’d choose you above anything alllll day. Even if it was some kinda super cool mountain bike with an engine built in so I don't have to pedal. I’m still choosing you, okay?”

“Even above a super cool bike with engines?” you pout up at his face. He’s starry-eyed staring down at you, love pouring out of his gaze.

“Even then, and always.”

Content, you allow yourself to settle back into the comfort of his chest. What a sight, you wonder. Two lovers swaying to a melody no one can hear. You hear some chatter in the distance which only becomes a murmur once your senses tune to the soft rise and fall of Joon’s chest. His eyes smile down at you until flicking up to the mirror once more, and the sight of your frame resting upon his as the sunset casts a golden beam over you makes something tug at his heart. "Why me", he puzzles. Why him of all men in this lifetime, granted a gift so precious as yourself. He closes his eyes. His mind spirals into self-reflection. Why should Joon be the sole person granted such a harmonious moment as the one happening in front of his very eyes? What makes him so lucky? He doesn't have too long to analyse what karma he has, as he feels two paws plant themselves above his knee.

“Yeong-Won! We don’t jump at strangers!” ashamedly orders a woman as you turn your head and deduce to be in her mid-30s, whilst she and another older lady pry the golden retriever from hopping up your boyfriend’s leg. Not that Namjoon would care at all. Joon loves animals, and your many days having him give Moni just a few more kisses than you can attest to that.

“Hey, buddy!” coos Joon as he bends to meet the dog’s level. It’s slightly more grown than a puppy yet reaches to kiss Joon’s face with ease as he sinks to greet the boisterous dog. He rakes a hand over its head, running through its golden fur and ruffling his slightly floppy ears. “Nice to meet you, Yeong-wonie. What a handsome boy, eh?”

“He never does this to strangers,” offers the older of the two women to you. “Looks like he needed to say hello!”

You smile in return, shaking your head as Joon and the dog carry on playing as if the world around them has dissolved away. “What a lovely dog, he’s adorable!” You giggle. Joon rises to stand once again, not without ruffling the golden fur one last time.

“So sorry about that, again.” The younger woman adds as her eyes seem to pause on Joon’s face. Not something you're entirely foreign to.

“Wow, I feel like I recognise your face, mister. Dayeon-ah, doesn't the nice man seem familiar?”

The elder, now identified as Dayeon in your mind, furrows her eyebrows together as she thinks. Namjoon all but turns red.

“Ah, my mother tells me I have ‘one of those faces' all the time. It was nice to meet you! See ya, Yeong-wonie!”

After a quick goodbye, you both share an embarrassed laugh together and settle to resume biking once more. The sunset is in full swing now, casting shades of neon pink and blood orange against the cloudless sky like lazy brushstrokes of colour overlapping.

As Joon promised, it only takes a quick 2 minutes of peddling until you rear a corner and the greenery which followed your left side on the path is replaced by the apricot shade of the Han River. The sight makes your stomach stir - it's like nothing you could ever imagine. The setting sun reflects so perfectly, an oil painting brought to life in front of your eyes. You know Joon meets your level of adoration as the wind carries the sound of his small “Wah, so pretty” to you. Joon, your self-proclaimed bike guide during this trip, guides you along the path beside the river further, the atmosphere tranquil with the sounds of birds chirping and your wheels spinning.

“We’re here, babe.” Joon announces, once again dismounting his bike and prompting you to follow, resting your bike beside his. He is, of course, your guide. Your personal guide pauses to stop at a flat square of concrete just aside from the main path, facing the river which grows more and more picturesque by the minute. Your perfect picnic spot, you realise, pulling the backpack off your body and spreading the soft brown blanket kept inside. Joon gives a soft sigh as his body all but collapses down onto the square. The man is uber-fit, almost shockingly buff these days, yet he groans groggily after your short ride.

“Someone tired?” you tease. “Maybe you should be hitting the gym some more than you already are.”

“You're so mean to me. I bring my favourite spot and you make fun of me like this.” Huffs Joon, leaning back with his hands behind him supporting his body. “You’re lucky I love you as much as I do,” he adds with a small laugh.

“I know,” you reply, rapidly. You know you are, you might just be the luckiest person on earth. The one feeling the warmth of Joon’s unconditional love and companionship every single day. You feel like the moon and Joon is the earth itself, only you are blessed to be in his orbit despite the unfathomable size of the universe and countless other people living as you are.

“Hey, you know I'm kidding, babe.” Joon softly argues, hand running through your hair, ruffling it slightly. A blush creeps up to warm your cheeks, nuzzling into the large hand currently entwining it’s fingers into your hair. After a slight pause to collect his thoughts, Namjoon’s voice becomes more gentle as he replies, “Having you...it's like having this one treasure no one else can find. Like, I dunno. Like everything good you’ve done in life is being repaid to you. Does that make any sense?”

“Of course it makes sense, babe.” Your hand pries the one resting on your head to lock your fingers together, giving his hand a gentle squeeze. “You feel like that to me, too. I promise. You feel like everything good.” You take a quick look around your surroundings. You catch Joon’s eyes locking onto yours, gazing adoringly at you as if some sort of heavenly body had taken form, moulding into you. “You feel like the sunset and the trees... The wind, the flowers, all of it. You feel like nature to me, Joonie. Just tranquil and loving,” you turn to meet his eyes, “always so loving.”

“Ah, maybe this wasn’t such a good idea. Didn’t think taking you on my ride would make me so…”

“Gross?” you intercut with a smirk.

“Emotional, Y/N. But, this is the most romantic place in Seoul, I suppose. Doesn't help that I'm here with my angel. It’s human nature to be all soppy.”

You shuffle down to rest your head on Joon’s thigh, the extra bulk recently gained there making for an excellent makeshift pillow. He looks down at you with a tender smile which makes your most favourite pair of dimples on earth take form.

“I’m just waiting for someone to pop out that bush and say ‘Hey, got ya! Look at you being all mushy!’” you joke, the laugh it emits from Joon slightly rocking his thigh and your head in return.

“It’d probably be Jin-Hyung. I would go investigate myself if he didn’t have a schedule after we left. Still, not that I think anyone else can be trusted.” He huffs.

“Mm, definitely not.” you agree, nuzzling slightly into his thigh below you.

“I could stay here forever,” Joon begins after a tranquil minute, “just frozen in this moment.”

You want nothing more than for that to happen. For the laws of time to grant you this never-ending memory, to encapsulate it forever and never again worry about the minutes passing you by.

Joon’s lips press another soft kiss upon your head, lingering there for a while, basking in your warmth and the smell of his favourite green apple shampoo you keep using. Above you the sun gives its last fleeting moments of illumination, sinking to be doused in the Han River. He stays there, engulfed in bliss for a short second, nothing worrying him on Earth. That is, until his eyes widen and his head whips from atop yours to rapidly look at your puzzled face.

“How’re we getting home?” He all but exclaims. He’s right, you're both clearly slumped and what little sunlight that is left quickly fades. You think for a second, then, nothing.

“Shit!”

[luvvurie]

Mortal desires

Ship: Zhongli x y/n

Warnings: mentions of death, poisoning, self blame

Word count: 1020

Notes: Happy birthday Zhongli Xiansheng I know this story doesn't do you justice since I rushed my life off it(pov: writing at 1am)

Genre: angst

The drums beat to the sound of a heart a thousand years ago on the 31st of December. You thought it was a wonderful day to finally sign your fate together with Zhongli since it was his birthday. You were decked out in a red hanfu, wearing the Phoenix hairpin Zhongli gifted you the day before. When it came for the both of you to drink alcohol, you refused and requested tea. As you took a sip of the tea, you began to feel weird before collapsing.

"Y/n? Y/n!" you heard Zhongli's panicked scream as he pushed the table aside to hold onto you as you passed out. You could hear everything but it hurt. You felt like something was crushing your chest and grinding your ribs slowly as you were alive. You tried to breathe but it was as if someone had stuck a knife in your throat and eventually, you gave in to the sweet temptation of death. Zhongli gazed at you as your chest fell down and never rose back...

It had been more than just a thousand years since your passing. The memory of what happened was still vivid in Zhongli's mind but your expressions would forever be lost in the moment. Was it a smile or a frown? Maybe you could have been expressionless. Stiff like your motionless body as you fell and shut your eyes, accepting the fate you had been bestowed with.

"How have you been?" Zhongli sat down next to a tree, placing your favorite flowers down. He glanced at the snow that covered the tomb and gently swept it away with his hands. Even though it was winter, it still felt warm. Zhongli looked at the scenery where you were buried and smiled a little. "Do you like the scenery as well? Or have you grown bored of it?"

The sound of the trees rustling when the wind blew was his answer but Zhongli was contemptuous of it as he saw the sunset. It was his birthday but you were not there to celebrate it. However, if Zhongli was just a bit closer to you for this special occasion it would be enough. "I'm sorry that I can't remember what you look like." Zhongli sighed, pouring himself a cup of tea with the tea set he had brought along to enjoy with you. Zhongli furrowed his brows and poured another cup, placing it nearer to the tombstone. "I'm sorry this had to be your death day as well."

Zhongli shook his head and picked up the cup he had left for you, pouring it out. "Ah, I forgot you don't like this tea..."

The sun eventually set and the sky was left to darkened itself. No matter the amount of sorrys, it could never bring you back. A mere mortal that was courageous enough to seek the love of a god. Was it foolish or was it intelligent? Your warmth and love remained for Zhongli even though centuries had passed by and everything started to change.

Zhongli placed down his cup of tea and paused for a while before saying, "was this what you were aiming for,y/n?"

You shook your head, sitting beside Zhongli. You wished he could see you but you knew you were just wasting time dwelling on something that would never happen. You wanted to reach your hand out to touch his hair and maybe tell Zhongli that it was never his fault but you sat there and watched.

"Could you feel my presence?" you spoke, knowing Zhongli would never hear you. You turned to look at Zhongli with pitiful eyes and saw him nod a little. You chuckle to yourself. Sometimes, it felt so surreal like he actually knew you watched over him. You placed your hand on his shoulder but it went right through. You furrowed your brows and let out an exasperated sigh. "Please wait for me…" you stood up and glanced back at Zhongli who had begun another one of his stories about modern day Liyue. You smiled, turning to face the front. You walked towards the light turning back one more time to see Zhongli before entering.

Zhongli glanced up, putting a sudden halt to his stories. Something felt off but he no longer felt your presence near the tomb. He sighed and packed the tea, standing up. Zhongli gazed down at your tomb and took it as a sign to finally leave.

As time passed, he still visited your grave at the end of the year. However, Zhongli no longer stayed more than ten minutes at your grave. It was much colder than what he remembered. Just as Zhongli was about to leave, you walked past him and placed down a singular flower on your grave.

"Who are you?" Zhongli asked, pausing and looking back at you. "It had been centuries since someone other than me had visited this grave." You glanced back and chuckled softly. You nodded and went up to Zhongli.

"So it was you?" you leaned closer to Zhongli, scanning his face. Zhongli nodded with suspicion. You lowered your gaze and softened your tone slightly, "thank you." You murmured before walking away. Zhongli stood awestruck as he saw your figure disappear into the distance just like how you faded away many years ago.

"So you've moved on?" Zhongli sighed, looking back at the tomb. He stood gazing at where you may be but he knew reuniting with you was merely a wish as you had started a new life. As the calm winter winds blew Zhongli's hair he finally felt the comfort he wanted. Even if it was not a reassurance, this was enough. "I hope you're happier."

You turned back, the grave was far from you now. You were closer to Liyue than you are to the only tombstone that stood in that lonely graveyard. You felt your saltwater fill your eyes and drip down in twin rivulets. You wiped them away quickly since once you return, people would be worried about you. You raised your head and gaze up at the sky. You muttered a few words before you continued your journey.

"I hope you're happy too…"

[cletuscortlandkasady]

kings in black, usurpers in red

a ShrikingCarnage Heavy Metal Band AU

Anyone remember that one post I made? Yeah, I wrote something for that AU a while back, but it turned into an angst-ridden and plot-centered thing instead. Anyway, I hope you guys can still enjoy what I've been able to put down for now.

Mr. Knull takes care of his boys.

When Eddie Brock, the brightest star in his billboard-lit sky, the favored son, came to him sweating as if he'd finished another workout (the physician said he should get plenty of exercise, and so did the therapist), he knew who to call. And, when Eddie's shadow, the wayward son, returned to them with blood on his hands, he blew up her phone.

"Miss Barrison," he snuck her into the hotel, leading her through the emergency stairwell and into Cletus Kasady's room. "Can I trust you to keep a secret?"

"Silence ain't cheap, Mr. K. And I got enough benzos to put the Giants to sleep," she padded her worn-out leather purse.

Knull agreed to her terms, his pale lips stretching into a smile that never reached those dark pits he called eyes. He takes care of his boys and their expensive mistakes.

Cletus Kasady's suite was all his own, but he couldn't blame the girl for believing she was actually called to take down a whole army. The ruined furnishings, broken glassware, and piles of clothes had the room looking like the actual New York Giants had run through it. The bed had been stripped of its sheets and was instead covered by Kasady's restrained body. The bonds they had used for his arms and legs (and the makeshift muzzle) gave her an idea of where the bedwear had gone.

Frances Barrison tried to swallow the tremble, but her voice still came out shaking. "What the hell? What the hell happened to him?"

"I know you’re fond of our Cletus, but I'll ask you again to be professional," he cleared his throat with all the cool and cruelty of a man of his status and stature. "He doesn't need your pity, he needs rest."

Their Cletus (his Cletus) was raging against his restraints like a rabid wolf, his howls suppressed by the cloth they clogged his mouth with. It was far from a pretty picture, and Mr. Knull saw the girl's eyes glistening, reflecting the sweat-slick white chest contracting and collapsing in on itself.

"What's he on?"

"Neither of my boys has been using anything - well unless you count the caffeine, nicotine, or alcohol - since we were last in New York," he sighed, growing quite tired of answering useless questions. "We have you for that and only you. Cletus hasn't slept in days, so I sent him for some air, a walk, a jog - to tire him out, I thought. It's all my fault, you see. I should never have left him unsupervised. One night out of my sight and he came back to us half-mad, as you can see."

Frances' voice was faint. "He's not on my stuff, but he's on somethin'." Pulling off her purse, she settled on the nearest sitting spot (one of the only chairs still standing) and began to unpack her kit.

"My dear boy," Mr. Knull casually strolled to the other side of the bed. "Do try to behave yourself," he came down on him with his huge hands, sinking his shoulders into the mattress. "We're in the presence of a lady."

Stilling the convulsing Kasady was a struggle, but bringing Barrison to him proved to be the perfect sedative. As soon as his wild eyes spotted her shimmering stare, he settled.

"Hey," she swallowed, a sad smile on her lipstick-smeared lips. "This'll sting a li'l, okay?"

Her eyelids were smoked and her body was sinched in leather as if she had just stepped right out of one of the young man's lecherous dreams. Mr. Knull didn't ask it of her, so she must've done herself up for him all on her own. And, when the syringe sunk into skin and dark fingers stroked a pale forearm, he knew that he was right to call her in.

*

Cletus Kasady is no stranger to hangovers, so he shouldn't have been surprised to have one come knocking against his skull this morning.

It scrambled his brains and sunk them into his stomach, but it was no omelet he wanted a bite out of. From the sandpaper sensation in his throat and the sting of his split lips, he guessed he had nothing to regurgitate. Not even water.

Seeking out a sip, he slowly rose to stand his ass that was still sore from getting it kicked by Brock last night. Oh, that's right! He had a fight with his bandmate - all his bandmates! They all jumped him! Shit, they did! All three of them! His body is still sore from the struggle, and his ankles, wrists, and jaw still hurt from having been bound.

Flashes of arms winding around him and voices bellowing in his ears blinded him along with the rising sun.

Fuck!

Images of gnashing teeth and sharp looks burned his retinas: Roscoe, with eyes redder than green and hair more grey than ginger, late last night at his late wife's grave, cursing his own flesh and blood through crooked teeth, wishing his heartbreak onto him. Louise died while he lashed out at him! He should've been the one to rot away in prison! He should've been the one to slip out from between the bars and water the funeral flowers with his tears! Cletus! He's the murderer!

Fuck!

The film cuts off after the father cursed his son. It came to him in flashes. Red. Roscoe. Knuckles. Fists. Brock. Knull. Black.

Then, as he finally opens his eyes to face the light, he sees the brightest one has ever entered his life: Frances, curled up uncomfably on the armchair, bathed in sunlight and wrapped in leather.

Fuck!

She wasn't just a dream, just another fictionalized addition added to his fractured film! She was here, an angel came down to earth to save him! She was here in the flesh, sleeping in the same room and breathing in the same air!

He checked his breath out of habit. It smelled like an ashtray and burned like bile. He needed water. And a mint. And a toothbrush. And a shower wouldn't hurt him, even if getting out of bed did.

*

Frances woke up to the sound of a shower being turned on, as well as a tap. Running water all around, but none for her to drink.

It was already past nine, the time she'd heard Mr. Knull call for breakfast for Cletus (and herself, seeing as there were double servings of each item in his order), so she reached for the line phone herself. And, almost as if the staff saw her sitting there on hold, there was a knock at the door.

"Cletus, it's me."

"Mr. K?"

"Miss Barrison," his voice came from the hallway, as calm and as cool as ever. "Good morning." Opening the door, she felt a chill enter the sun-lit suite when she saw the pathetic look on the poor little soul's face who was pushing in the tray with one hand and accepting a bribe from the big man with the other. "Breakfast is served."

"Thanks," she spoke to the server who saved her by bringing bottled water.

While she emptied one, enjoying the feeling of freshness washing away the tears she swallowed last night, Knull kept an eye on him, making sure his own was on the floor.

He shadowed the man and all but shooed him away before he could get a better look at the property damage. Then, after slamming the door behind him, he took a look around the room himself.

"How is he?"

"In the shower?"

"Is that a question, Miss Barrison?"

"Woke up before me," she shrugged as if the drop in tone didn't send shivers down her spine.

"I see," he said but didn't turn to look as both the tap and the shower were turned off. He called to Cletus instead. "Good morning!"

"That you, K?"

K laughed, but his eyes remained unchanged, charging into her own. "The one and only."

"Gimmie a minute."

"Take your time. And make yourself presentable," he smiled, but his eyes were still unmoving, still meeting hers. "We're in the presence of a lady."

Thankfully, it didn't take much time to wrap a white bathrobe around his pink body (she pictures he'd been scrubbing at his pale skin for a while) and throw a towel over his red hair. As he worked to dry it off, it fell forward onto his face, freckled and freshly shaved. And, when he smiled her way, she saw the green shine under the curtain of curls.

"Rock'n'roll royalty, Lady Frances of House Barrison," he put on a posh English accent. It was good if you asked her. Yet again, his voice was one of his few qualities among his many flaws. The biggest one was the way he made her blood boil when he'd share this smile with the rest of the cheering crowd. "May I?" He bent over, bowing before her, begging for her hand in his.

Knull kept staring her down, but she only succumbed to him, to Cletus Kasady, surrendering her hand for him to kiss. "And a good morning to you, Ser Kasady."

"Now, now, children," Knull came between them, his leather-clad hand like a claw on Cletus' shoulder and the soaking towel hanging from it. "Enough charades. How are you, my boy?"

"Brock doesn't hold back, I'll tell you that for nothin'."

"The body heals itself," he whispered, a secret she now shared. "It's your mind I'm worried about. Edward said something about you running into your father?"

"Edward should keep his nose outta my business before I break it," he hissed, his smile replaced with a sneer. "Bastard came all the way to New York lookin' for Ma."

"He can't hurt you anymore," the man squeezed his shoulder. "Cletus, look at me. He can't hurt you anymore."

Cletus did look at him, but he was hurting all the same. Frances wanted him to face her instead, see their shared suffering, hear the little girl shrieking inside of her, listen to the tunes of their trauma together. Knull, however, came between them.

"My head's fine, K. Got that sleep I've been puttin' off."

"We have Miss Barrison to thank for that," he nodded Frances' way, rubbing at Cletus' back. "You two enjoy your breakfast now," he greeted them. "I'll be back with a cleaning crew at noon."

"Think it's warm enough to sit out on the balcony?" Cletus rolled back his shoulders after he snatched them away from Mr. Knull. Then, turning his neck towards her, he cracked it. "Last night's party didn't make it all the way out there."

Whatever happened here last night, he knows that she knows it wasn't all about sex, drugs, and rock'n'roll. Whatever went down between father and son, she's sure that he's sure it was more than a family feud. Instead of asking, she answers his question: "Cold weather. Wear a light jacket."

He chuckled, filling out two coffee cups and offering her one. "I saw you checkin' me out. Don't think you want me wearin' no jacket."

"Ah, shit," she snorted as she was being served by Cletus Kasady of Kings in Black himself. "You got me."

There was sugar, milk, cream, and even chocolate to sprinkle on top. She wanted it all and he gave it to her. She wanted to serve it inside, so he moved the table along with two lounge chairs to the other side of the glass doors. She wanted him, and she finally got him all to herself.

"More cream cheese for your bagel, milady?"

"Thank you, milord," she snorted, masking the wide smile that spread across her face as he spread it for her.

Cletus chuckled, bringing the last of the cream cheese along with the last of the blueberry bagels on her side of the table, right up against her lips.

When she took her first bite, their eyes met like they had so many times during his concerts, and she felt like the only girl in the world. It took being greeted by a gaggle of groupies for the spell he cast to be lifted. She was not, in fact, the only girl to follow the band backstage, but she was the only one Mr. Knull trusted to bring party favors. She chewed on this thought, letting it slide into her flipping stomach. Cletus Kasady only had eyes for her and she was once again the only girl.

She must've moaned, made an approving sound to betray her appetite because he smirked like he had overheard. "Want me to order another one? Two?"

Frances bit into the bagel again, making sure to actually moan this time. "With blueberries? And another one? Chocolate chip?"

"Angel, you can have it all."

"You say that to all the girls you bring up here?" She spoke with her mouth full, the most unladylike she'd acted all morning. She needed that reminder and so did he. She wasn't another groupie and never would be.

"No," he wiped away the white cream that got smeared across her dark cheek. She should've been embarrassed, but she already decided that she was no lady. So Frances chose to watch Cletus suck his thumb clean instead. "You're the only angel I ever met."

[cherryatiny]

𝐍𝐞𝐫𝐯𝐞𝐬 - 𝐊.𝐇𝐉

⩥𝐏𝐚𝐢𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐠: 𝐚𝐦𝐚𝐭𝐞𝐮𝐫 𝐩𝐫𝐨𝐝𝐮𝐜𝐞𝐫!𝐊𝐢𝐦 𝐇𝐨𝐧𝐠𝐣𝐨𝐨𝐧𝐠 (𝐀𝐭𝐞𝐞𝐳) 𝐱 𝐟!𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫

⩥𝐆𝐞𝐧𝐫𝐞: 𝐚𝐧𝐠𝐬𝐭, 𝐟𝐥𝐮𝐟𝐟, 𝐧𝐨𝐧-𝐢𝐝𝐨𝐥 𝐀𝐔

⩥𝐖𝐨𝐫𝐝 𝐜𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐭: 𝟐,𝟏𝐤

⩥𝐒𝐮𝐦𝐦𝐚𝐫𝐲: 𝐁𝐥𝐨𝐨𝐝, 𝐜𝐢𝐠𝐚𝐫𝐞𝐭𝐭𝐞𝐬 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐟𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭𝐬, 𝐩𝐢𝐜𝐤𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐮𝐩 𝐚𝐫𝐠𝐮𝐦𝐞𝐧𝐭 𝐨𝐯𝐞𝐫 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐬𝐭𝐮𝐩𝐢𝐝𝐞𝐬𝐭 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬, 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐢𝐫 𝐡𝐞𝐚𝐫𝐭𝐬 𝐠𝐫𝐞𝐰 𝐜𝐨𝐥𝐝𝐞𝐫 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐜𝐨𝐥𝐝𝐞𝐫 𝐚𝐬 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐡𝐚𝐫𝐬𝐡 𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐝𝐬 𝐬𝐩𝐚𝐭 𝐟𝐫𝐨𝐦 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐢𝐫 𝐦𝐨𝐮𝐭𝐡𝐬 𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐲 𝐝𝐚𝐲. 𝐁𝐮𝐭 𝐚𝐫𝐞 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐲 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐥𝐥𝐲 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐲 𝐭𝐨 𝐥𝐞𝐭 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐦𝐞𝐦𝐨𝐫𝐢𝐞𝐬 𝐠𝐞𝐭 𝐟𝐨𝐫𝐠𝐨𝐭𝐭𝐞𝐧?

⩥𝐖𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬: 𝐇𝐞𝐚𝐯𝐲 𝐚𝐧𝐠𝐬𝐭𝐲 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐦𝐞𝐬, 𝐛𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐤𝐮𝐩𝐬, 𝐭𝐨𝐱𝐢𝐜 𝐫𝐞𝐥𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐬𝐡𝐢𝐩, 𝐟𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭𝐬, 𝐛𝐥𝐨𝐨𝐝, 𝐜𝐢𝐠𝐚𝐫𝐞𝐭𝐭𝐞𝐬, 𝐚𝐥𝐜𝐨𝐡𝐨𝐥, 𝐚𝐫𝐠𝐮𝐦𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐬, 𝐜𝐮𝐫𝐬𝐢𝐧𝐠, 𝐟𝐚𝐜𝐞-𝐬𝐥𝐚𝐩𝐬

⩥𝐈𝐧𝐬𝐩𝐢𝐫𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧: 𝐍𝐞𝐫𝐯𝐞𝐬 𝐛𝐲 𝐃𝐏𝐑 𝐈𝐚𝐧

⩥𝐍𝐨𝐭𝐞: 𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐛𝐨𝐥𝐝 𝐢𝐭𝐚𝐥𝐢𝐜 𝐝𝐢𝐚𝐥𝐨𝐠𝐮𝐞𝐬 𝐚𝐫𝐞 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐥𝐲𝐫𝐢𝐜𝐬 𝐟𝐫𝐨𝐦 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐬𝐨𝐧𝐠 𝐢 𝐠𝐨𝐭 𝐢𝐧𝐬𝐩𝐢𝐫𝐞𝐝 𝐛𝐲. 𝐈'𝐦 𝐧𝐨𝐭 𝐜𝐨𝐧𝐝𝐨𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐤𝐢𝐧𝐝 𝐨𝐟 𝐛𝐞𝐡𝐚𝐯𝐢𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐦𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐞𝐝 𝐢𝐧 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐬 𝐬𝐭𝐨𝐫𝐲, 𝐚𝐥𝐥 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬 𝐦𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐞𝐝 𝐢𝐧 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐬 𝐟𝐢𝐜 𝐚𝐫𝐞 𝐩𝐮𝐫𝐞𝐥𝐲 𝐟𝐢𝐜𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐚𝐥.

•❅──────✧❅✦❅✧──────❅•

08.09.2021

Opening the door to their shared flat with shaky hands, blood dripping down his knuckled, the blonde male almost collapsed on the floor, his weakened legs failing to support him any more.

With a loud bang, his body fell on the cold floor, alerting his [insert colour]-haired girlfriend, that ran to the hallway, being met with a sight of his bloody figure laying on the floor half-unconscious, she let out a sharp yelp.

The girl fell to the ground, shaking her partner's body, to get any reaction from him. „Ah Hongjoongie, who did you get into a fight with this time...“

Wrapping his arm around her shoulder, to help him lean on her so he could walk more easily, she directed her steps into the bathroom. Sitting him on its edge, she began to fill the bathtub with water, to wash off the blood and dirt of his body. „Y/N... I'm sorry“

Without words, she started unzipping his blood-soaked clothes, letting them fall to the ground, already used to having to deal with her boyfriend coming home almost beat-up to death.

Tears filled her eyes yet again as she thought about all those moments, where she was on the border of losing her lover. The aforementioned boy always just shrugging it off with cheap words of comfort.

And that's how their relationship went. He got into a fight, they argued, he felt guilty and made her a song, they made up, went through another short period of romance where they felt like those head over heels couples at the beginning of their relationship, and the endless cycle repeated itself once again.

Her partner undressed completely and sat in the bathtub, the water gaining a reddish tint from the blood that leaked from his wounds. Without a word, she got into the bathtub with him, not caring that her t-shirt or shorts would get soaked.

Grabbing a sponge that was laying near them, she rubbed the dirt off his body. Hongjoong inhaled, preparing himself to splash Y/N in apologies, but her voice cut him off.

„Please, don't make this harder than it already is, I don't need to hear your apologies, please just stay still until I clean you, so I can treat your wounds afterwards...“ Treating the fair skin of his hurt body, she sighed as she looked at her soaked clothes.

Does living like this even have a meaning? Does crying herself to sleep from how scared she is of losing her loved one when he doesn't even care, have meaning?

Sensing the broken expression in her deep eyes, his hand took her in his, playing with her fingers and kissing the top of her knuckles reassuringly.

„I'm sorry Y/N, I'm sorry for acting like a jerk and making you bawl your eyes out at nights. So many times I could've held on I still can't believe I left you alone. Left you alone to deal with all of this, when it's completely my fault. The fault of my inconsideration of your feelings. When you lie down tonight, please get a good sleep in which you forget of all those fights and stupid things I put you through. We'll start a new chapter, I promise.“

Liar.

These words of reassurance left his mouth every time he got into a fight and yet, it always happened again. Not being able to hold the tears in any longer, the clothed figure sitting next to him let out tears, pitiful whines leaving her lips.

„You say this every time, yet you always break the promise, so how can I believe you any longer?“

•❅──────✧❅✦❅✧──────❅•

15.09.2021

Colourful leaves falling on the forest alley, the two jiggly walked down the path hand in hand, as they laughed and enjoyed each other's presence.

Approaching a small wooden bench, the two of them sat down on it, Hongjoong pulled his girlfriend into his lap, letting her back fall onto his chest, hugging her from behind.

The girl raised her legs and laid them on the bench, stretching them. Looking at her boots covered by the brownish mud, letting her head fall onto his shoulder. „Y/N?“ humming, she signalised him to continue with what he had to say.

„I made you a song. I realised how bad I was treating you, but I didn't know how to express my gratitude towards you and I'm sorry, I will sing this song to you. To tell you I really cared.“

His melodic voice audible for everyone passing them as he started singing, all the people just captured by those young lovers. Only if they knew, how heartsick their relationship was.

As his voice quietened, signalising the end of the song he composed for his girlfriend, he pulled her into a deep kiss, his hand holding her head in place, as his tongue explored all those forgotten places of her mouth.

„I hope you're not angry at me anymore.“ Shaking her head in disagreement, Hongjoong pulled the figure of his girlfriend into his embrace, hugging her tightly, to replace the warmness his heart couldn't give her, with his body.

„Let's go home, shall we?“ Taking her hand in his, the two of them got up from the bench, stretching their stiffened limbs for a bit. „Aren't you cold?“ looking at the shaking figure standing beside him, he pulled his brown trench coat off, laying it on his girlfriend's shaking figure.

Walking home hand-in-hand, the two of them lived through yet another episode of the cycle.

•❅──────✧❅✦❅✧──────❅•

21.09.2021

„You're unbelievable Kim Hongjoong! Oh god, I'm so stupid! I always put my faith in you, believing that your aims are sincere, yet you always disappoint me. You're never gonna change! I should just pack my things and leave, cuz it looks like my presence is annoying you. If it weren't for me, you could live your poor life peacefully, right? Getting into fights on daily basis, fucking whores you find on the streets and flushing it all away with nicotine and alcohol while dreaming of accomplishing something in your life, you would like that, right? You know what? I should do that right away!“

Dramatically spatting those words into his face, she turned on her heel with anger in her eyes ignoring the glasses Hongjoong threw against the wall near her to make her look at him. His hand gripping her wrist harshly, turning her back to face him.

„What the fuck do you think you're doing? You're not going anywhere!“ Disbelief filled Y/N's veins. Who was he to tell her what she can or can't do?

„What do I think I am doing? Leaving you, Kim Hongjoong. I can't express how much I hate you, I feel so stupid for letting you use me, I don't want to have anything to do with you!“

Hongjoong couldn't control his emotions any longer, letting his hand come in contact with his girlfriend's cheek, that will for sure leave a reddish mark on the spot.

Y/N yelped at the stinging pain of her boyfriend's hand slapping her cheek. Her hands caressing the hurt place as tears filled her eyes. Realising what he did, Hongjoong's eyes immediately softened, ready to comfort and apologize to his girlfriend. But it was too late...

„Leave the fuck out of my flat! I never want to see you again, we're done. Did you hear me well? We're done, there's not any us anymore, and I'll never be your girlfriend again Kim Hongjoong, actually..., I hope I never see you again!“

Motioning with her finger to the door, she signalised for him to leave, not wanting to look at him any longer, she left the room and locked herself in the bedroom, falling on the bed and bringing her knees to her face, nuzzling her face into the created space, bawling her eyes out.

Absorbing the said words, Hongjoong finally understood the weight of his actions, this time it was really the end. Smashing the front door loudly enough for the crying woman to hear, he dived into the darkness on the streets.

As he walked down the empty streets, recalling all the things that happened, he couldn't help but start crying himself. Sitting down in the middle of the road, not caring if any car drove him over anymore. Life without his lover was meaningless for him...

•❅──────✧❅✦❅✧──────❅•

18.11.2021

Sitting down on the metallic fence near the train station, he pulled the lighter out of his denim jacket, lighting the addictive stick in his shaking hands. Inhaling the relieving substance, he sighed, trying to pour the stress of his mind.

The first weeks after the break up with his past lover Y/N were hard, he lost faith in everything, barely living through, he then met a couple of boys that helped him get back on track. They put a roof over his head and helped him pursue his dream of becoming successful in music, he was truly thankful towards them.

Taking another inhale, he looked around, observing the people that were approaching the train station. Thinking about how all of them were hiding a different story, his eyes fell on an oddly familiar figure.

The figure he thought he would never see again. As the girl turned around, trying to figure out where to go, her eyes fell on him, locking eye contact.

He heard that Y/N was leaving town in a few days, pursuing her happy ending in a new place. A place that didn't wound her as much as this one did. Hongjoong smiled at her, his eyes motioning for her to come over.

With a hesitantly uncomfortable look in her eyes, she approached his figure that was still sitting on the fence, scared as to what might happen. „Y/N, long time no see.“ smiling at him lightly, she looked down rather than to look to those eyes she once loved.

„Hey girl, I heard you seem to be happy now,... how you doin'? I heard you're leaving town,... it might not matter now, but maybe it worked somehow, but I really changed this time. I know you have no intention of coming back to me and I can't blame you for that, but I couldn't live peacefully if I didn't say my sincere apology to you for the last time. I lived horribly before, but I found people who helped me and now I'm living a life that I enjoy. That's what I tell myself: she'll never know how much I wished I never let you go. Thinking of this, it tore me down to pieces.“

Looking at him with glistening eyes, she could hear the sincerity in his words for the first time in a long time.

„Ah yes Joong, you're right, I'm leaving town soon, starting a new life somewhere else. I may seem happy now, but it's not like that all the time, some wounds take time to be healed, but I'm better, how about you? I'm pleased to hear that you decided to change your life and I'm sorry for letting you go without giving you space to explain yourself, but you must understand it had to be done. Our relationship was hatred and it was destined to break sooner or later.“

Nodding in agreement to her aching but truthful words, he took an inhale from his cigarette for the last time, throwing the cigarette stub onto the ground and stepping on it to smoosh it.

„Don't worry 'bout me 'cause I'm doing fine. Although the first weeks afterwards, I came to the street you live in every day, just standing there in front of your flat and looking into the room we once shared. But I'm doing fine, girl, I swear it's not a lie.“

„I saw you a few times, the smoke coming from your cigarettes always reached my window, that's when I immediately knew you were there...so you came around my house, and you left your marks with your fingertips, I was always thinking: I'm sitting where you sat down and now he's looking for something meaningless... I'm getting a little nervous talking to you... it feels like I'm getting to the surface“

Absorbing each other's words, the two of them stood opposite of each other, their heads tilted down, as they regretted their past manoeuvres. He's getting a little nervous and she's finally getting to the surface.

„I got a little nervous of running back to you when you weren't there Y/N.. and I'm sorry, I was hurting too much to know, that you were standing right there. And I'm sorry, when I left you all alone, girl. It's time I should probably let you go and forget about a jerk who hurt you as much as I did. I know that wasn't fair 'cause I loved you. He loved you, the man who you hate sincerely loved you, even though he didn't express it in time...“

„Bye Kim Hongjoong. Stand tall and pursue your dreams.“ Bidding goodbye to her for the last time, he watched as his lover disappeared in the span that was separating them.