#i feel like every two years their story gets entirely changed. sorry @ them maybe this time its fine bc i dont know anymore how it starts

[sirianasims]

Chapter 44.2

Summer is coming to an end, and the warm glow of the early evening bathes everything in gold, casting long shadows and making everything seem almost dreamlike. The sturdy planks of the bridge creak slightly as we cross, the sound blending with the gentle thuds of hooves against wood and the faint rush of the river below. In the distance, the constant song of the waterfalls form a faint, rumbling backdrop.

The sound of Serafina’s hooves changes as we leave the bridge and turn onto the cobbled stone road that leads to the estate. On evenings like this, I love Tartosa so much it makes my heart ache, and I wonder why I ever leave. The air smells sweeter here than anywhere else, a hint of saltwater mingling with the ever-present lavender and the more subtle, grassy notes of the earth itself.

I slow Serafina down as we reach the large mosaic that marks the crossroads. The colour has faded slightly with time, but the motif is as clear as ever, two intertwined wedding bands surrounded by the waves of the Tartosan sea. My great-grandparents commissioned it for an anniversary years before I was even born, a tribute to their love story carved into the very ground.

Serafina tosses her head impatiently, the reins tugging on my hands and pulling me out of my reverie. I feel her muscles tense up under the saddle, and she paws at the ground with her foreleg, restless.

“Sorry, girl,” I murmur. “We’ll go back to your baby now.”

I dismount as soon as we reach the paddock, stroke her neck and thank her for the ride. The light sheen of sweat on her coat is warm against my palm, but her focus is not on me anymore. Her tail swishes in agitation as a delicate, high-pitched nicker can be heard from the stables and I quickly open the gate and lead her through.

My uncle Gio waits for us in the doorway, brushing bits of hay off his gloves. Behind him, Serafina’s foal whinnies excitedly at the sight of its mother.

“There you are. How did it go?” He takes the reins from my outstretched hand and lets the impatient mare into her stall.

“She did great, she’s definitely getting her strength back. I let her gallop along the coast for a bit, you should have seen her. She was practically flying.”

“That’s my girl,” Gio mumbles softly, almost to himself. “Thanks for taking her out, she needed the exercise. As much as Sofia tries, she can’t ride all of them every day and school starts back up soon. How long are you staying this time?”

“I haven’t decided yet. Another week, maybe more. I need a break from everything, some time to figure out what to do next.”

“And a week or two is enough for that?”

“It’s a start. I’ll be fine, you know me, Gio.”

“Exactly, I know you. Well, tell your aunt I’ll be in soon, I’m almost done here.”

“You don’t want any help?”

He laughs, waving me off.

“You were always more useful in the kitchen, my boy.”

As soon as I open the heavy front doors of the main house, I’m met with the sound of laughter. Aunt Teresa is wiping tears of mirth from her eyes as they both turn to me.

“Hi mum, Teresa. What’s so funny?”

My mother lights up at the sight of me, and I hurry over to give her a hug before she can attempt to stand.

“Paolo, did you happen to see Giovanni out there? Is he coming in too?”

“Soon, zia, he’s just making sure the vineyard doesn’t run out of fertiliser.”

My mother laughs, giving my arm a feeble squeeze with her left hand. “I don’t think that’ll happen any time soon.”

“Well, we better not take any chances, mum. The entire Romeo fortune could be at stake, and I’m currently unemployed.”

Teresa shakes her head, smiling, then calls towards the stairs. “Sofia? Come down, please.”

Seconds later, my youngest cousin skips down the stairs.

Her older sisters, Laura and Anna, both moved out years ago, but Sofia was a late surprise addition, still just a baby when I first moved to Del Sol Valley. To Gio’s endless joy, Sofia is just as obsessed with the horses as he is.

“Sofia, you can do your piano lesson while I make dinner. Is that alright with you, Rose?”

My mother nods and carefully gets up and walks to her usual chair by the piano. Her steps are agonisingly slow but dignified, and I resist the urge to help her, instead distracting myself by picking a few white horse hairs off my shirt.

Teresa disappears into the kitchen, and I opt for simply taking the shirt off before following her.

A copper pot simmers on low heat on the old stove. Teresa’s kitchen was always my favourite room in this house, filled with delicious smells and tastes. Ever since I could walk, I kept ending up in the kitchens, both here and at the vineyard, and my grandmother and aunts never hesitated to put me to work.

There are herbs everywhere, clay pots of fresh basil and oregano. Recently picked thyme and sage, still with their purple flowers, hangs from the ceiling and fills the air with their fragrance.

Teresa points to a bunch of ripe tomatoes by the sink, drying next to the carrots and zucchini she picked earlier.

“You can start by slicing the tomatoes.”

I wash my hands and begin cutting. There’s a small bowl of large, juicy grapes from the vineyard on the table, and I pop one into my mouth. The taste brings back memories of long summers helping out with the harvest, of sun and dirt and the first time I was allowed to taste the family wine.

“How are things over in Del Sol? Your mother says you’re no longer doing voices?”

“Yeah, the show I was working on has ended. But one of my friends is trying to set me up with her agent. For movie roles, I mean.”

“You’re going back to movies? That sounds wonderful! You were so happy back when you did that.”

I know for a fact that Teresa hasn’t watched a single second of Llama Man’s adventures, animated or otherwise, but she was always supportive.

“Yeah, I’m still considering it, but…”

A wildly off-key chord sounds from the living room, followed by laughter as my mother explains something and Sofia starts over.

I glance at the crutches leaning against the wall and lower my voice slightly, although my mother is unlikely to hear me over Sofia murdering a Tartosan folk song.

“How is she doing? When I’m not here, I mean?”

“You always worry too much, tesoro. Your mother is fine.”

“I know, I just… I haven’t been home much lately.”

“You’ve been busy. It’s understandable, you have your own life over there.”

“But now that… There’s nothing that really keeps me over there right now. And both her leg and her hand seems worse lately. I was wondering if I should take a longer break, stay home with her for a while…”

Teresa sighs.

“Paolo, listen to me. It is not your job to replace your father. Your mother is happy. She has family, she has friends, she has so much joy in her life. You need to try and find some joy in your life too.”

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[thankskenpenders]

And now for something new

So, here's something I was never planning on doing, but I just couldn't shake the idea... Thanks Ken Penders is gaining a sister blog featuring an entirely different comic franchise!

Introducing... Thanks Steve Ditko, a blog where I read the Earth-616 Spider-Man comics, starting all the way back in the '60s! It's gonna be much more casual and less thorough than how I run things here on TKP, though, which I'll explain in a sec.

If seeing me post weird bits from old Spider-Man comics sounds fun and you need no further info, then just head right on over to Thanks Steve Ditko. But for longtime TKP readers, I know you probably have questions...

Number one: Why?

Spider-Man's always been my favorite superhero, and with the Spider-Verse movies kicking ass and my excitement building for the new Insomniac game, I've been in a Spidey mood. Inevitably, a thought occurred to me: Maybe I should actually read the comics that everything else is built off of and see the wildly varying contributions of all the original creators, rather than filtering them through big budget adaptations. If I can power through One Piece and all these other manga with hundreds of chapters, it can't be that hard... right?

And, well, after a few issues I quickly realized that my options were to either clog up my other accounts with random Spider-Man panels for years, or to just make a side blog. And so the side blog was born.

Two: Will this blog replace Thanks Ken Penders?

NO!!!!!!!!!

Okay but prove it

To allow the two to exist side-by-side, Thanks Steve Ditko will have a different format than what Thanks Ken Penders developed. Rather than an in-depth guided tour that critically analyzes every story beat of every issue, TSD will just be a place for amusing panels and brief thoughts as I casually read the comics at my own pace.

If you've seen me make a few tweets about reading Spider-Man recently, I'm basically just moving that to a dedicated Tumblr. It's a place for me to dump these things so that it doesn't fill up my media tab on Twitter for the next decade. (You know, assuming Twitter is still around in a decade.) There will be many issues where I only post two panels that I thought were funny. There will be issues where I don't have anything to say at all. Maybe I'll reach a run that I just cannot get into, and I start skipping around more. Who knows!

This may sound similar to what I thought this blog would be before it blew up. Aside from the simple fact that there's already mountains of Spider-Man commentary out there and therefore less of a void for me to fill, one of the main steps I'll be taking to avoid repeating the past is not enabling an ask box on TSD. I do not need people to ask me to go into ten times more detail on everything. I do not need to write seven essay-length responses to questions about Spider-Man minutiae every day. I do not need a place for people to chide me for not covering certain scenes, issues, or ancillary series.

It also won't have any kind of update schedule. I'm trying to keep it very casual. I'm reading these comics at my own pace, and if I feel like sharing a moment or commenting on something while doing so? It goes there. That's it.

(On the subject of format changes, I'm also listing the issue, writer, and penciller in the body of every post. This is a thing I wish I'd done on TKP so that people didn't misattribute every weird Archie Sonic panel I post to Penders.)

Three: So when will TKP come back from hiatus? You said it'd come back after you finished SLARPG!

I don't know! Sorry. I have a couple things on the backburner right now for TKP, but I'm not sure when I'll get back to proper updates where I read more comics.

I wanted to bring TKP back this year, and that's still possible. The main hurdle is that I want to reread my own archive (again) as a refresher, which is, uh. A lot of posts. I've developed a high standard for myself on here, and I feel like I wouldn't be doing my job right if I forgot half the ongoing subplots and character arcs and didn't bring them up in my analysis. Especially when I'm discussing the work of an author as obsessed with continuity as Ian Flynn. Unfortunately, the nature of this blog means that every time I go on another long hiatus for Life Reasons I have even more comic continuity to catch up on than last time.

(This is a big part of why I'm making Thanks Steve Ditko an extremely casual blog instead of promising to become a Lore Expert on 60+ years of Marvel.)

Mostly I've just been very burnt out this year after having finally finished a video game that took almost eight years to make. I haven't really had the energy for any creative projects, including TKP. But I feel a little bit of a spark here with Spider-Man, so I'm chasing that feeling to try to get back into the swing of blogging about comics - no pun intended.

So, basically, bear with me on this as I start this low-energy side project. But hopefully folks will enjoy Thanks Steve Ditko as its own thing, too.

Look forward to goofy shit like this

[beybaldes]

I know why we had to say goodbye like the back of my hand

summer sleepover masterlist

jamie tartt x gn!reader

summary : “am i supposed to just let you go?” / “for what it’s worth, i really am sorry”

content warning : technically a part 2 ‘I’d go back in time and change it but I can’t,’ can be read stand alone, more protective!roy and bestfriend!colin, Jamie’s past is held against him and it hurts his feelings because he has changed, two uses of yn, jamie being clueless, angstyish

an : can you tell I’m obsessed with Taylor’s music? Better man is one of the best vault tracks to exist fight me I listened to it the whole time writing this fic.

Christmas and New years come and go and when the first day back at the dog track comes around you’ve almost forgotten about Jamie entirely.

You haven’t spent a single minute of the holidays thinking of him, and yet, he’s spent every single minute of it thinking about you. In no more then 10 seconds, you’d shattered whatever hope he’d had left that maybe, just maybe, he could heal things over between the two of you. And even after that, you’d still wished him a merry Christmas. He was going to get fucking whiplash if things carried on like this.

It was exactly that which had brought him to Keeley’s doorstep at 6am on New Year’s Day. Roy answers the door and he’s still in what he assumes is lasts nights clothes. Even though Roy doesn’t particularly like Jamie, not after what he did to you, he knows Jamie wouldn’t show up here without reason, so he invites him in. He guides Jamie through to the living room and says he’s going to get Keeley but that they’ll be right back. Jamie knows he must look rough if Roy wants to sit in on the conversation too.

There’s glitter on the floor after the party Jamie wasn’t invited to. He’s knows you were here last night. You may still have him blocked on everything, but Colin doesn’t, and fuck, does Colin love posting you. Posting pictures of you all dressed up for the new year, looking perfect as ever, posting videos of the two of you on his story, taking shots together or dancing ridiculously around Keeley’s living room. Part of him knows that in another life, one where he had been a better man sooner, it would’ve been him in Colin’s place; dancing with you at a party, sharing drinks with you, and if he was really lucky, maybe even sharing a kiss at midnight.

“Jamie! Hi! Hey! What are- what are you doing here, babe?” Jamie can tell she’s just as surprised as Roy was to find him here, but that doesn’t deter him from why he came. He knows there’s only one way that he can become a better man, and that’s by trying. “Here, have a pillow.”

Keeley makes sure each of them have a bright, pink pillow in their laps before she encourages Jamie to talk, leaning forward across her own pillow to show Jamie she’s really listening. Even Roy seems open to hearing him out, stretching his arms out across the back of Keeley’s sofa.

“I need to know how I can make things better with yn.”

“Oh, fuck off.” Jamie’s barely got his words out when Roy’s growled at him and Keeley’s smacked Roy in his chest. He takes her hand gently in his and holds it in his lap and Jamie almost winces at the sweet nothingness of the action. “I mean, they’ve told you to leave them alone, so, leave them alone.” Jamie thinks Roy’s changed too, until a mere second later, he lets out the fakest cough known to mankind. “Prick.”

“Oi, I didn’t come here to get bullied by a pensioner, I came here for actual advice.” And just like that Jamie had slipped back into the shell of the person he’d been trying to leave behind. People like Roy made it all too easy, picking on his weak spots with the smallest of words, and causing all his progress to come crashing down.

“What Roy means…” Keeley interrupted, breaking up the bickering before it could ever even really begin. “Is that you made your bed Jamie, now you’ve got to lie in it. If they don’t want to forgive you, or most on from the past, then that’s their choice. You can’t force anyone to forgive you.”

“But everyone else has.” Jamie whined, head thrown back against one of Keeley’s many throw pillows as he took to lying on the settee instead. “I don’t understand why they won’t. I’m trying so…” Jamie paused, sucking in a long breath. He was trying so hard to be better and he couldn’t say that because strong men didn’t need to be better, strong men didn’t want to change for the people they loved. The smaller voice, the one that grew a little louder day in and day out, said the opposite; strong men do change for the people they love, they apologise and they acknowledge their mistakes (even when it hurts to do so). “I just don’t get why they won’t forgive me when almost everyone else has.”

“Did you happen to forget that, out of everyone, yn is the one you actually, literally, cheated on?” Silence fell over Keeley’s living room for the first time in almost 24 hours, and Jamie was sure he’d never heard something so loud in his life. “That maybe, more then anything, more then an apology, what they want is for you to explain why you did what you did?”

“No one wants to know why.” Jamie scoffed, thinking of the multiple apologies he’d make to partners in his lifetime. Each and everyone wanted an apology, he would give it to them, they’d fuck one last time, and then break up on ‘mutual’ terms claiming that it was ‘for the best’. Obviously, he didn’t want things to go like that with you, he wanted to really apologise and for you to really forgive him, and then for the two of you to work on building a friendship between the two of you. But that didn’t mean he’d ever have expect you to want to know why he did what he did. “They want an apology, and for you to seem sorry, and then that’s usually it.”

Keeley eyed him suspiciously, eyes like daggers in a way unusual and unnerving to Jamie. “You don’t know why you did it, do you?”

Jamie can feel Roy’s hand curl into a fist from across the room and he’s sure that if he was any closer he’d be able to hear his blood boiling. “No.” Jamie answers instantly and honestly. “No. I don’t. That’s just who I was then.”

“That’s bullshit.” Roy’s been speaking more then Keeley has and Jamie’s wishing he’d come over for the help at a different time. “You had a year? Two years? To come up with a reason, and that’s all you’ve got?”

Jamie wants to argue. It’s his instinct to argue. To get in some brutal back and forth debating which of them was right about the matter, ultimately say something he shouldn’t, and upset Keeley by upsetting Roy just so he can get out of the conversation. The smaller voice inside his head that’s getting louder tells him the right thing to do, the thing a good man would do, is be honest. So that’s what he does. “They really cared about me, more then anyone ever had, yeah?” Jamie sits up on the sofa, leans his elbows against his knees and hangs his joined hands between his open legs, pulling at his fingers. “Do you know how scary that is? Everyone who was supposed to care about me just ends up hurting me. So, I beat them to it. Hurt them before they can hurt me.”

Keeley and Roy try and get more out of Jamie but he decides he’s been vulnerable enough today and that he has a lot to think about. He spends the remainder of his time off before the season begins again hiding in his bedroom, and thinking about what he did wrong like a told off child.

He decides that on the first day back at the dog track, he’s going to explain everything to you. He’s going to fully embody the better man he’s been trying to become, the man he knows, that once upon a time you knew, he could be.

Thankfully, you have a very peaceful first day back at the dog track. Colin and Isaac come and eat lunch in your office with you, Will hangs around throughout the afternoon helping you with some errands, and Roy brings you coffee at 4 when he knows he’s heading out for the day but you’ve still got some work to do. You’ve barely taken a sip of the saving grace when Jamie enters your office and locks the door behind him. You simply ignore him, continuing to tap away on your laptop and blocking out the image of his puppy dog eyes from your brain.

“Look, can we just talk, yeah?” It seemed Jamie had a way of making you angry by even suggesting he had a right to your time; you stopped typing even though you didn’t mean to. “I want to apologise, and explain, and even if we can’t be friends again, I just don’t want things to be weird anymore.”

“And who’s fault is it that things are weird?” You asked, closing your laptop and leaning back in your chair, creating as much space between the two of you as possible.

“I know, mine, just let me talk, yeah?” Jamie knew he had to get the words out before you interrupted him again or he’d never say them, never give you the explanation Roy had explained, and Jamie had come to understand, you deserved. “I hurt you because I didn’t want you to hurt me. You know what my dads like, what the other people I’ve dated have been like, and every single one of them leaves. And you didn’t, and you didn’t look like you were going too either.” Jamie took a deep breath, holding his own hands to stop them from shaking. “That was so scary, to me, to have someone care about me like that. And, I don’t know, my brain made me think, like, that you were just waiting to hurt me sooner or later, so I should hurt you first.”

You’d fallen completely silent and it entirely unnerved Jamie. All of it made too much sense and a part of you felt so bad for the way you’d acted these past few months. However, you also knew that while Jamie’s insecurities was an explanation to why he did what he did, that it wasn’t an excuse.

“And I couldn’t just break up with you, because I didn’t want to, and I know my actions might not have show it, but I really loved you. And, yeah, I should’ve talked about it instead of sleeping with someone else and getting you to end things, but I didn’t know how to do that back then.” Jamie sucks in a shaky breath and a part of you yearns to hug him, to tell him to not get worked up about it, but you stay in your seat. “And it fucking sucked because I got what I wanted. And I felt so good about it, that you’d hurt me by breaking up with me and that I’d been right, and then I just felt sad.” For the first time since entering your office, Jamie looks at you. “And I just wanted to let you know, that it was never your fault that I did it, it was mine.”

A long silence took over the office, neither you nor Jamie speaking or even breathing as you took in the weight of the words just said to you. Everyone had been telling you for months now that Jamie had changed and you’d been so adamant it was a ruse, but here he was, pouring his heart out to you with the best apology you think he’s ever given, and proving he was a better man.

You stood from your chair, grabbed your bag and half drunk coffee, and tucked the chair under the desk. As you grabbed your laptop and notebook to take home with you, you finally spoke up. “Thank you for explaining Jamie, you don’t know how good it is to hear that after everything. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

Jamie brow creased and he moved to step closer to the door, stopping you from leaving immediately. “What? So, that’s it?” When you didn’t answer, Jamie took a step forward, reaching his hand out for yours and finding himself surprised when you didn’t push him away. “Am I supposed to just let you go?”

“You know, Jamie, I missed you every minute of every day for the first 8 months, and then I just wished you had been better.” You squeezed his hand gently and for a moment Jamie felt like he’d woken up from some bad dream and he was still where he was 2 years ago. “And then, I woke up one day, and I didn’t think of you at all.” Jamie knew he’d been a dick, he knew he’d hurt you in a way no one deserved to be hurt, he knew you loved him and he pushed that love away like you’d been offering him a loaded gun instead of the key to your heart. “You would’ve been the one if things had been different, but they weren’t different. And that’s okay, but that means you need to let me go.”

Jamie felt sick to his stomach, god, he couldn’t imagine anything worse to happen to him, and yet, he’d done it all to himself. “Im always going to love you, J.” For 2 years Jamie had imagined you saying those exact words to him, forgiving him for his mistakes and turning things back to how they used to be. It shouldn’t be breaking his heart to hear what he’d hoped, and dreamt, and spent sleepless nights praying for.

Jamie let you leave then, stepping away from the door with a downcast look across his face, and finally pulling himself away from your touch. What if he never got to touch you so softly again? What if this was the last time he ever heard you tell him you loved him? What if this was the last time you let him in your door? “For what it’s worth, I really am sorry.”

“I know Jamie, I am too.” You took a step forward, but not towards the door, wrapping your arms gently around Jamie, humming against his neck when his fingers clawed into your shirt and his lips trembled against your temple. “I am too.”

You left your office together and walked Jamie to his car, you said no when he offered you a lift home and he didn’t beg you to accept it. Even if you had said yes, you doubted he knew the drive from the dog track to your new place, and you didn’t want to hurt him more by letting him find out he didn’t know you like he knew the back of his hand anymore.

Tomorrow morning the team will be surprised by the fact you say good morning to everyone including Jamie, but for right now, alone in the empty Nelson Road car park, Jamie finally gets it, and he finally mourns the love he once lost.

[velvetlilacsdaisies]

Flames & Weapons pt. i

OC!Fem!Reader x Garrick Tavis, OC!Fem!Reader x Bodhi Durran

Word count: 3.5k

Synopsis: What happens when you attend Basgiath war college as an infantry cadet with your lover, your ride or die best friend and your twin brother? Alot of fucking shit. Follow the story of our oc’s Allie Henrick and Katia Lalley as their bond of friendship remains strong as their dynamics of life change around them. What happens when they meet two fellow first year riders in their first year? Will their world change forever? Then again nothing can be as expected in war college. Stay tuned as our oc's become badass infantry cadets.

Warnings: swearingggg (a lot.), iron flame spoilers???, NO USE OF Y/N!!, mentions of cheating, let me know if we missed anything 🤭

Author’s Note: SURPRISE!! A month in the making thx to my procrastination hehe sorry allie. This is a self indulgent fever dream of a collab between @garricks4thwingqueen (president of the garrick tavis fan club fr) it’s first person original character fic. Primarily focusing on GarrickxOC but with side quests of BodhixOC as well. It’s an entirely new perspective for me to write bc i do y/n pov or third person so this was a treat. We hope you all enjoy!

Three years…three years I had spent in that toxic cesspool of a relationship. For what? For everything I had an intuition about to be true? Fucking incredible. Nothing like being right and a fool, maybe once RSC started Malek could put me out of my misery, and save me from the overwhelming amount of embarrassment I felt. The clock tower in the courtyard sounded alerting it was a quarter to 8, indicating it was almost time for Battle Brief as the chatter in the halls started to die down outside my door.

I sighed, finally rolling myself out of bed after lying there, staring at the ceiling replaying the events of last night since the alarm on my bedside table went off an hour ago, but I was numbly stuck in the warmth of my blankets. What a waste of time… I’ve repeated that to myself for what felt like the umpteenth time that morning.

I barely had enough time to get dressed in the navy blue uniform I grew accustomed to, and put my auburn hair into the slicked-back bun I had to wear, my hair was barely unkempt and uniform not as crisp as the codex required. I was sure to get yelled at by one of the executive lieutenants today, but I didn’t quite care, too numb to feel the usual anxiety I would feel about abiding by the stupid little handbook we were given in the beginning of the year. I dreaded every second of the thought of going to Battle Brief. Being forced into proximity with Zachariah made my stomach churned at the flashbacks of last night.

Minimal conversation was my goal for today, I thought, setting the agenda internally for myself as I walked to Battle Brief. Just make sure my battalion doesn’t do anything stupid and stay in line. I didn’t need to get reprimanded anymore than I probably already would be today. Plus after the night I had prior, I just couldn’t bother with much interaction with anyone. It’s bad enough I had to show up for classes. I put my bag on my shoulder and made sure that my door was locked as I made my way to the academic wing of the infantry quadrant. I was never more thankful for having my own room, one of the primary perks of being a Battalion leader.

I entered the somewhat crowded hall that was used for Battle Brief. A giant map in the middle of the room, showing all of Navarre. Keeping my head down as I made my way to my usual spot.

"Allie you missed breakfast." My best friend, Katia, said concerned. I slid into my seat between her and my twin brother, Drew. He offered a tight-lipped smile in greeting. “You’re going to be sluggish through morning lessons.” She added.

"Fuck off, I’m not gonna die if I miss breakfast." I whispered snappily.

"Eat this," Drew said with a roll of his eyes, ignoring my foul mood, tossing an orange to me.

It landed on my desk with a thud, as I wasn't paying him any mind, no, my sole attention at this point was on my ex and the girl that had her arm wrapped around his waist as they walked into the enormous classroom. "Fucking hells, Chiara Reid?” Drew hissed lowly to us as they walked by.

"Oh shit?" Left the girl besides me lips as they both realized the cause of my current mood. Katia’s eyes now set to a death glare at the pair that passed by.

“I saw them kissing in the library last night. Dumb ass tried denying it all.” I sneered, pushing the lump that had formed in my throat down.

It was the last straw of the tension that had been building between us in the last few weeks. We had been together since we were teenagers, but I guess that hadn’t accounted for anything when you attend war college together.

The last few months were filled with fighting and arguing over his lingering eyes and neglectful behavior. It had driven me mad to the point that I felt crazy for even accusing him of such thoughts of cheating, but last night had confirmed my intuition was right. Fighting the burn in my eyes as silver tears lined them, threatening to spill. I would not get upset over some loser. Katia grabbed my hand, rubbing small circles on the back of it.

“I’m gonna beat his fucking ass.” Drew glowered, gripping his notebook until his knuckles turned white.

"It's not worth it Drew, he's in our squad you know the penalty," I murmured, glancing his way. "I guess I'm out of a best friend now.” He mumbled, slouching in his seat. I placed a reassuring hand on his shoulder, feeling guilty that I got in the way of their friendship.

Katia scoffed, “You’re more worried about losing a best friend than the fact he treated your sister like shit? Unbelievable Drew…”

“Yeah, well he was my friend first, and I warned him—” My twin grumbled, leaning over me to glare at her.

“Warned him? I fucking told him I’d castrate him if he ever did something to Al. And unlike your pansy ass I fully intend on keeping my promise.” Her green eyes were darkened.

Drew continued to haughtily argue in a hushed whisper with her trying to prove whatever point. I kept opening my mouth to try to shut them up, but they just kept volleying back and forth retorts to one another before I could get a word in.

I rubbed my temples, trying to focus on what our professor was debriefing instead. I didn’t expect my breakup to cause a full argument between the two people closest to me. Any other topic? Yes. Not this though.

Their voices started to raise as they used meaningless insults as jabs towards one another, causing the attention of the cadets around us to look at us. Including Zachariah and Chiara. The girl only had a smug smirk on her face, which made the impreding frustration that had been rising since I woke up grow even more.

“Silence.” Our professor yelled across the room. I slid myself down into my seat, making myself as small as possible in the crowd of infantry cadets now looking our way.

"Henricks', Lalley I didn't realize this was a socializing hour." The professor shouted mockingly. Instantly, Katia and Drew shut up, muttering coy apologies, both embarrassed they were caught.

“Now can we turn our attention back to the map.” The professor continued the lesson. I had to pinch Katia’s arm as she reached behind me to flick Drew on the side of the head. An “ow” leaving her lips as she finally stopped and actually started to take notes for class.

These two would be the death of me…

"Look I know you guys dated for years, but you had a hunch. Think of this as a celebration of a new chapter?” Katia sighed, stopping mid-route in our evening run.

"I just don't feel like doing anything extra this weekend, especially socializing." I groaned, lifting my hands and resting them on top of my head.

"Which is exactly what you need, to socialize." A mischievous glint sparkled in Katia's hazel eyes. I didn't like that glint. She had always been the rebellious one since we became friends years ago. She always got into trouble, and then I had to bail her out or succumb to her ideas. “We should definitely go to Chantara tomorrow night.”

She used any excuse to find a way to party or sneak off campus. I’m surprised I’ve upheld my titles with her as my executive squad leader with the antics she always seemed to get us into.

"This is the one weekend I'd rather just stay in my room—" I started to protest going back into a jog.

"Just humor me, Henrick." She rolled her eyes. "Besides, I'm finding the infantry dating pool rather incestuous at this point." She pointed in her mouth, making a gagging noise as she kept up her pace with me. "Anddddd Garrick and Xaden will be there and you're finally a single woman." She wagged her eyebrows at me. I just rolled my eyes at the suggestive expression on her face knowing what she was thinking.

"Fine." I huffed in the refreshing air of a late summer evening.

"Yay!" She squealed excitedly. "We're gonna have so much fun! Not to mention Garrick looked like he wanted to beat Zach's guts out before Drew stopped him; after the little spat you two had last weekend."

Garrick and Xaden…Any mingling between Riders and Infantry was frowned upon. The codex even goes as far to state there will be no toleration of inter-quadrant dating during a student’s attendance at Basgiath. But that hadn’t stopped us from becoming friends with riders. The four of us hit it off the first night we met.

I thought to myself silently as I thought back to that first night out in town during first year.

"Damn, we both clean up nice." Katia whistled.

She wasn't wrong, despite wearing our infantry winter fur-lined jackets, we looked good. We didn't have to wear our typical uniformed sleek buns, and finally could let our hair down for once. Despite the anxiety that brewed in the pit of my stomach, I was excited that my best friend had convinced me to sneak out.

I shook my head, "You're crazy, you know that right?" She linked her arm with mine, grinning maniacally in response as we left the barracks.

She led me through tunnels and stairs I’ve never been in since we started infantry a few months ago. “How do you know about this?” I asked again. She’s been rather elusive and secretive on how she even learned about Chantara, the town older Basgiath students would frequent on the weekends to drink, party, and shop at.

She pushed her brunette hair over her shoulder, shooting a wink at me. “It’s amazing what intel you can gather with incredible charm, good looks…a few gold coins.”

We reached an ancient iron gate that a couple second years were standing at. The smell of churam filled the air, making my nose scrunch up. The codex said the herb was forbidden from school property?

One of the second years grinned seeing my best friend. “Lalley, you’ve got some guts. I didn’t think you and your friend would actually show up.”

She walked up to the man, her smile alluring radiating under the dim patterns that lined the stone walls. “My promises and threats are never empty.” Reaching into her pocket, she set two gold coins down into the guy’s hand.

He handed a coin back to her, “promise me a game of darts later at Féasta?”

“Yeah, sure.” She replied coolly, her tone sultry. Though I could tell by the look in her eye, that was one promise she wouldn’t be following up on. I was ready to lose my composure, biting my lip to stifle the laugh about to fall from my lips.

His grin grew even broader. “Sweet, just follow the path through the clearing and you’ll see a fork—take the left. We just let a group of riders through not too long ago. Just follow their obnoxiously loud yelling if you’re unsure.”

She linked her arm with mine, using her free hand to wiggle her fingers at the man in goodbye. “Thanks Trey.”

She discreetly dragged me outside a reasonable distance from the gate before I burst out in giggles. “Thanks Trey?” Mocking her flirty tone.

“Listen,” she giggled lightly herself. “Desperate times call for desperate measures. And I’m desperate for a drink and a dance.”

“It must be so hard to be single.” I said sarcastically.

“We all can’t be fortunate to have their hometown sweetheart attend War college with us now can we?” She used her linked elbow to nudge me, causing me to shy away from her. She just pulled me closer. “You owe me the favor of being a wing woman tonight, I’ve covered for you and Zach too many times this year… and we haven’t even made it to squad assignments yet.”

“Whatever you say Kati.” I just rolled my eyes, shaking my head at her.

The walk into Chantara was brisk, as we giggled about what we should expect for our first night out of Basgiath. The town was lively, citizens of the town and students all throughout the town square browsing the market stalls that lined the cobblestone. Strings of lights glimmered lining the stalls, while musicians played on the corners. Everything was so lively to what we were expecting. There were three different taverns in the town square: Féastas, Lúchás, and Doyle’s. We decided to try Lúchás first seeing the group of riders Trey was talking about wandering in there, along with some couple infantry and healers.

“I knew I should have ordered food when I was up there because I’m starving.” My best friend said as she came back to our table with Lavender Lemonades.

The bar wasn’t crazy packed due to the cold weather, but there was a sizable amount of patrons in here. It was cozy, we had a table right next to the hearth, and I could see why most of the patrons were Basgiath students. The music from the band wasn’t ancient sounding, and the barmaids weren’t either. It was very youthful and merry than the taverns we had back home. Scanning over the decent sized room, my eyes landed on the opposite side of the room. On two riders more specifically, the one looked to be Katia’s type. Tall, tanned skin, dark hair. Though a scar marred his eye, it didn’t take away from his handsomeness. He would be perfect for her.

I did promise an attempt at being her wing woman tonight. My eyes kept lingering on the man next to him. He had an inch or two on his friend, longer dark hair that was more styled than his friend's unruly short waves. The most built man I’ve ever seen, Amari had to have designed her herself, his relic a masterpiece expertly marking his bulky biceps. I have a boyfriend…

“Huh?” I said as she was trying to get my attention, my gaze not leaving the far left corner of the room.

“For once would you not be in a daydream!” She chuckled until her gaze followed mine. “Oh wow, they’re hot.” She blurted.

"Shh, don't be that obvious," I said, slapping her shoulder while we both took in two very tall and handsome riders in their black leathers.

“Oh please like they aren’t even looking our way.” She scoffed, taking a sip of her drink.

But they were, well at least the taller one was looking directly at me as his friend tried to get his attention. And I couldn’t help to unabashedly stare back.

Garrick’s POV

“Garrick!” Xaden half raised his voice snapping his fingers at me, drawing my attention back to our usual corner of the tavern.

“What?” I peered over to my best friend.

“Were you even listening to what I said?” He acted annoyed.

‘Don't lie, you weren't.’ Chradh chuckled.

‘Are all dragons as sarcastic and grumpy as you?’ I chidded back getting only a huff of hot air as my answer. "Yeah, something about… OK yeah no."

Xaden chuckled, finally noticing what had caught my attention across the tavern floor. "You're obviously looking at the shorter infantry cadet, aren't you?” He nudged my side. “Only you would be the one to be six-six, and have a thing for extremely short girls, dude. She can’t even be more than five foot nothing dude.” He rattled off.

Xaden had a thing to point out the obvious and be rather talkative once he had a couple drinks in his system. Reminding me of his younger cousin, Bodhi, every time I had drank with him. I paid no mind to his rambling as I walked to the table the two infantry girls sat at.

“Where are you going? You don't even know if she's single." Xaden started to say as I couldn't help myself. I heard my best friend mutter a curse and his footsteps behind me.

"Could I fancy you two ladies to a friendly game of pool?" I asked the two girls. The taller one looked like she was about to speak first, but the shorter cadet with auburn hair was the first to open her mouth.

“Not even a ‘hi what’s your name?’ Typical rider fashion.” She had a brow arched in my direction, causing her best friend to giggle as she teasingly scoffed in my direction. Holding out her hand she beamed up at me. “I’m Allie, and this is Katia.”

That evening was the first night of what started the friendship of two first-year infantry cadets and two first-year rider cadets. Our friendship only grew over the last year as Drew and Zachariah started joining us. Though Drew and Zach were wary of the riders at first due to silly rivalry between the quadrants.

The next night, Katia met me outside in the alcove of the infantry courtyard like we always had since that winter in first year. The only difference was we no longer had to cough up gold coins to pay our way into town, and could go freely.

Our walk into Chantara was enjoyable as today had been the coldest day in July after our new cadets had joined us just a few weeks ago. My heart rate was almost pounding in my chest as we neared the tavern. Why was I so nervous? Yes this was my first trip into the town as a newly single woman, but that didn’t change much? It already felt like I was single by the end of first year anyway, and we’ve been to Chantara plenty of times since then.

We made our way to our usual end of the tavern where our crew usually hung out which now consisted of Drew, Katia, Xaden, Garrick, and myself. I noticed three extra bodies, two I didn't recognize at all but one had a shorter but similar build to Xaden, the second a female abou Katia’s height with short pink hair that was half shaven. Of course, Drew was shamelessly trying to flirt with her. Then there was the familiar mop of curly-haired dirty blonde 20-year-old I'd recognize anywhere.

"Sawyer!" I said excitedly, wrapping my younger cousin into a tight hug.

"Missed you too, Big Al." He chuckled. I flicked his ear at the mocking nickname.

Sawyer was all that Drew and I had left for our family. Our parents were in infantry while Sawyer's were riders and we lost all of them in an ambush on an outpost several years ago, including Katia’s; her mom a rider and father an infantry cadet. The four of us easily had become a found family of our own.

We were introduced to the other new first-year riders; the man that looked like Xaden was his younger cousin, Bodhi, and the pink haired girl was Imogen. I remember Garrick and Xaden telling us stories about them, so it already felt like I somewhat knew them. Bodhi seemed more eager to talk to us than Imogen. She stood by Sawyer and Xaden’s younger cousin a majority of the time. Even as Katia tried to compliment her hair, she offered dry responses. But everyone fell into a familiar session of banter and catching up on what's been going on for the last couple of weeks.

Throughout the night, I got lost in my thoughts. The summertime had the bar packed to the point everything was so overstimulating. The music, the loud chatter, it was too much. Why did I even come here? It was stupid to listen to Katia, I should have just stayed back in my dorm. Everyone seemed to be having a great time, but I wasn’t.

Then I saw the familiar sandy brown hair at the entrance to the tavern. Zachariah. Chiara in tow with him, as I made eye contact with my ex. His face looked as if he saw a ghost, and quickly pulled her to the other side of the bar.

“Allie, what the fuck?” Sawyer was the first to speak up.

“Yeah isn’t that your boyfriend?” Xaden offered a glare towards the shorter man across the crowded room.

“Was her boyfriend,” Katia sneered. “Two timing piece of worthless—”

“Kati.” Drew gave her a look of warning.

“I still haven’t got to fulfill my promise.” She leaned back in the booth, crossing her arms. Xaden, who sat next to her, playfully shoved the side of her head.

“Pipe down, firecracker. You’re not going to do shit.” He smirked, as she swatted his hands away.

“Riorson, it was hair washing day.” She groaned. I rolled my eyes at her dramatics. At all my friend’s dramatics actually. I didn’t want to discuss the newly ended relationship tonight or have it made a big deal. But also I certainly wasn’t expecting Zach to show up with his new girlfriend to the tavern he knew my friends frequented at.

I felt a pair of eyes glance towards me from across the table, looking over I saw Garrick looking at me. His usual hardened look was replaced by a look of concern, his hazel orbs intently focusing on me. He cocked his head towards the back door, signaling me to join him outside. I followed him towards the door, once he got up, and into the cool evening air.

I didn't realize by now that I had tears threatening to escape until Garrick pulled me into his chest and wiped a tear from my cheek.

I had been so focused on lessons and training the past couple days, I hadn’t realized how much I bottled up trying to play it off. I was upset, frustrated, and beyond done.

“It’s okay,” he whispered as my shoulders began to shake from my quiet sobs.

Garrick had always been the one that I was closest to. He always somehow caught a glimpse of the ugly side of things in my relationship and was always conveniently there to pick up the pieces when Zach would storm off.

“I’ve got you,” he murmured against my hair.

Feedback is always appreciated, likes, and reblogs as well!! 🫶🏻🫶🏻

[mhsdatgo]

I feel like a lot of people misunderstand me when I say I'm disappointed with the way Aegon was adapted.

Most of those who criticize me (and some Aegon stans who aren't apologists, because get some help seriously) throw every possible excuse there is in the book in order to rid Aegon of any kind of depth or potential for Season 2.

I've been told I can't stomach characters that are downright bad, I've been told I only cling to show!Aegon's only redeeming quality at the moment (namely, TGC) and make it THE reason why Aegon should be liked.

I really don't know why I gotta say this about myself as a preface in order to debunk that second "theory" but I can absolutely assure you that amongst all the people I've crushed on or fell in love with in all my years of life, only two of them were boys and one of them is my current boyfriend. So if anything my fuckable meter as moral compass doesn't work that well with men lmao. Thank you for admitting that this show is so bad that sometimes the only good quality about certain characters are the actors that play them, idk what to tell you.

And on not being able to handle wicked characters, really? I've got a whole blog shitting on HotD writers for a lot of reasons amongst which is the fact that they made Rhaenyra blander than unseasoned potatoes and you came to the conclusion that... I can't handle wicked characters?

I'd really have no problems with Aegon being adapted as the cruel piece of shit he is in the books. You know, the only source material. If we're talking Aegon individually, my only problem with the route they're taking is making it similar to Joffrey. We don't want Joffrey Targaryen, we want Aegon II. (And like it or not, he's so different from Joffrey it's not even funny) The only things these two kids have in common are dying from poison, having a mother who's a lady-turned-queen, having a grandfather who's hand of the king and being selfish pricks.

My problem lies with Rhaenyra. Everyone knows Aegon sucks ass, that was known even before Sara Hess came up with that caricature of cartoonish evilness and tried masking it as gray writing. It's wanting to make Rhaenyra any better that is ridiculous as fuck.

Rhaenyra was just as selfish, self-righteous and dumb as Aegon. Rhaenyra's motives were just as valid as Aegon. They are both sides of the same coin. That's the basics if you want to understand Fire and Blood. Something Sara, Ryan, Miguel and the entire team didn't understand in the slightest. If you want me to take a show about the Dance of the Dragons seriously, you want to make this SIMPLE concept clear as day, which really isn't that hard.

And I'm sorry, but the situation with Dyana, that poor thing, is always angering to watch. Despicable, yes. Unforgivable, yes. I agree. I like it when there are turns in the adaptation of a story as vague as Fire and Blood, but not when that change is made for no reason other than wanting to uplift a character who deserves anything but.

Furthermore, I beg your pardon a second time for wanting the least possible scenes of r*pe or implied r*pe on my screen. Maybe because it's triggering, not necessarily because the r*pist is played by my little meow meow, ever thought of that? If you want your audience to hate a character, put yourself at work. There are so many ways to do that. Taking the easy route (because it was an easy route, argue with the wall) because war crimes aren't enough to make people pounce at a character like rabid dogs is lazy and disrespectful to people who came to see a well developed show. First accept that there aren't saints in F&B, then you can start working.

[five-bi-five-mind]

Love! Could we get a jj x reader enemies to lovers fic😍

Pushing It

Fandom: Criminal Minds

Pairing: JJ x fem!reader

Words: 5.2k+

Genre: Fluff

Summary: JJ isn't the best at expressing how she feels and you're too competitive to notice there's something more to her actions.

Warnings: brief alcohol mentions, jealous and overprotective JJ.

A/N: I don't honestly know if this counts as enemies to lovers but I hope it does! Sorry for your wait, anon <3

(gif not mine)

It was the dead of night when you finally arrived back at your hotel room. The stillness of the air mixed with the silence of the car ride back had you on edge and it really didn’t help that your current company had spent the entire car ride stewing in rage as she drove you both. JJ was absolutely fuming and you were the cause of it. Well, at least she blamed you for it. If anyone asked you, you’d disagree and say she was overreacting, like she usually did with you. 

It had only been a year since you started at the BAU as the new communications liaison and you were still learning. The whole team seemed to love you though and helped you every step of the way. The whole team, except one that is. One Jennifer Jareau to be exact. She was nice to you for maybe the first month or two, but then things started to change. She would be short with you, antagonize you, challenge you. Somehow, it always felt like you were doing something wrong.

You knew she had your job before she became a profiler, so at first you assumed she just felt a little reluctant to give up her old position. Maybe she felt some weird pride in how she did the job and was so set in her ways that she had a particular idea of how it should be done. So, however harsh she may have been, you would take her notes. But then, you started going out more with the team and any time she would be there she would be short with you and just as harsh. That made you quickly realize, it wasn’t the job you were doing that she hated, it was you. 

After a few months you asked a few people on the team to help get you in shape in case you were put in a few dangerous situations. You had heard stories about how JJ had been in her old position, you knew that even if your main job wasn’t to be in the field, there would be scary moments. Even Penelope Garcia had been in a few, and she was the tech person who mainly stayed at the BAU. So, when you started training you were grateful for Morgan and Prentiss to help you out. You’d go on morning jogs with Morgan, Prentiss would help you learn self defense, and even Hotch would help you with your aim so you could get signed off to carry a gun in the field if need be. You promised that part wasn’t necessary, but Hotchner insisted on it just in case. 

Months had passed after you started learning from all of the team, and training was going well. Your stamina was building from the morning jogs, your self defense skills were better, albeit you weren’t as fast, coordinated, or strong as the rest of the team, and your aim was improving. You couldn’t help, but feel a sense of pride with each passing day, but then she started joining in. It started with your morning jogs. Morgan’s excuse was that JJ asked and he insisted the more the merrier. Then it went to your self defense practice with Emily. Her excuse was that you could learn more from both of them together than just one alone. And finally, she joined you with Hotch. This time, JJ gave the excuse, saying she could use the extra practice herself. For some reason, you didn’t totally buy that.  

With each session with your three fellow coworkers, suddenly, all that newfound pride went down the drain. She picked apart your every move. You couldn’t match her speed when you were supposed to be doing a light jog, you couldn’t outsmart her when practicing self defense, and your aim was just a little too off for her liking. JJ made sure to make a comment or two every single time she watched you. What seemed to irk you even more was that no one else around you noticed. She tended to have the perfect timing to criticize you when everyone else wasn’t paying attention. For a brief moment, you thought about giving up. Saying no thank you to any more training, but then you decided that meant she won. What was the competition? You didn’t seem to know, but you had a feeling you were secretly in one with her. Why else would she challenge you so much? So you didn’t give up, you made it a personal goal to prove to her that you could succeed. You’d improve your endurance, your strength, your reflexes as much as you possibly could until she had nothing left to complain about. 

Unfortunately, you set that goal over four months ago. Instead of shutting her up, it seemed like she had even more to judge you for. 

Fast forward to present day and you and the team had a nasty case to deal with. A small town, horrific murders, a handful of crime scenes. One thing you knew about small towns is that word traveled fast, so getting a handle on media coverage was crucial. You were in the public eye frequently, you talked to countless people, and all eyes seemed to be on you. Since that was the case, and it seemed this unsub had no problems retaliating against law enforcement when they got too close, Hotch insisted on an extra set of eyes on you. Sure, you’ve been trying to improve to be a more capable member of the team, but it’s not like you went through the training or had the field experience that all of them did, so it made sense that they worried for you. However, much to your surprise, that extra protection came in the form of none other than Jennifer Jareau. 

To your surprise, when it came to protection over you she went all out. She refused to leave your side, even for a moment. That meant you spent every waking moment with her. The breaks you took from the case, the meals you had, hell she even insisted on sharing a hotel room “just in case.” You argued back and forth with her for a good hour about how a hotel room next to each other would be good enough, but there was really no arguing with her. That woman was the most stubborn person you’ve ever met. It was infuriating, but you found a small positive in having her looming over you. She was easy to piss off, and you made it a game to push her buttons. 

What you didn’t expect was to thoroughly piss her off one night during the case. If you thought she was difficult to deal with when she was mildly annoyed by you, it was nothing compared to her being visibly angered by you. 

The evening started out fine. The case had gone on a few days and it seemed the team was no closer to the unsub than the day you all arrived. What you all needed was to get to know the locals, get out into the community, ask around. So, you all had your tasks. You and JJ were to go to the local bar, your job was to ask around, get information, and gauge what the locals were saying about the case. However, you realized quickly not many of them wanted to budge. Not many were sharing information willingly. 

After being shot down by a group of people, you returned to the bar for a break. Huffing in frustration as you sat, sipping on water (because after all you still had a job to do). JJ was on the other side of the bar, still trying to talk up a few people for information. If there was one thing about JJ that you admired, it was her determination. You were feeling like giving up on this task three failed attempts of conversation ago. Yet, there she was continuing on. If you were being honest, there was more than just one thing you admired about her. As harsh and frustrating as she could be, she was also driven and passionate. She went into everything giving 100%, no matter how small the challenge was. The way she worked, showing compassion for those she worked with, yet staying strong at the most horrifying or tragic things the team faced. You could barely keep yourself together in front of the team with some of the stuff you saw, but when you looked at JJ all you saw was unrelenting strength and bravery. Sure, she was mean to you and you were pretty sure she hated your guts, but that didn’t stop you from respecting her as a coworker and member of the team. 

“Can I buy you a drink?” 

The voice came from beside you, startling you out of your deep thought. 

“Huh?” was all you could think to say, your brain not quite registering what was asked. You looked over to who was speaking to you, only to see a man who you had yet to talk to had placed himself right next to you. A little too close for comfort if you were being honest. There was a reason you hadn’t reached him yet too. In fact, you had hoped JJ would take care of talking to him. He had been eying you since you walked in and it didn’t take a profiler to know what he wanted from you. Unfortunately for him, you weren’t interested. But unfortunately for you, he didn’t seem to take the hint. 

“Do you want a drink?” He repeated, waving over the bartender before you could even respond.

“Oh, no I’m good.” 

“Come on,” he scooted closer and you visibly shrank down. “Let me buy you one.” 

You were torn. On one hand you were here for a job and he was someone who was willing to come talk to you when no one else wanted you there. On the other hand, you can’t drink while working, he didn’t seem the type to let you just pretend to sip on it, and quite frankly if you did get a drink, you wouldn’t take your eyes off it or him for a second. But you also knew that on the other side of the bar JJ was way more successful talking to the locals and you felt a spark of competitiveness when you watched her effortlessly converse with the other patrons. If this man was willing to actually come to you, should you really pass up this opportunity? You watched the profilers play people like a fiddle on a regular basis for work, maybe you picked up a thing or two for this very moment. 

“What do you say?” He pressed on. His hand clasping down on your shoulder. 

If you felt uncomfortable before, his touch made your whole body freeze. Maybe this imaginary competition with JJ isn’t exactly worth it.

“I-“

“She’s good.” JJ interrupted you the second you opened your mouth. She came out of nowhere. You didn’t even know she was paying attention to you this whole time. Turns out she had been completely aware of you and how you were failing miserably the entire evening. She may not have been next to you, but she listened for your voice across the room, whenever you moved she would note it in the corner of her eye. So when she realized the man she clocked as inappropriately staring you down had found the guts to come approach you, she was ready to pounce. 

And pounce she did. But not on him, no of course not. Her anger was turned towards you. 

“Let’s go,” JJ didn’t wait for you to respond, brushing off the man’s hand on your shoulder herself before replacing it with hers. Only her grip was more firm, her fists closing around the material of your shirt as she practically hoisted you off the bar stool and dragged you towards the door. 

“What about talking to the locals?” You questioned, stumbling over your feet to keep up with JJ. 

“I got what we needed,” she said through gritted teeth, eyes never meeting yours as she dragged you all the way back to the car. “Get in. Now.”

Too stunned to even argue, you did exactly as she said. Your body felt like it was on autopilot, still too shocked about her behavior and reaction to even realize what you were doing when you felt yourself clip your seatbelt on. 

Whether it was a blessing or a relief that the car ride was silent, you weren’t sure. JJ drove with her hands in fists on the wheel, gripping it so tight her knuckles were white. She was furious and it honestly had you a little curious as to what set her off so bad. So while the car ride was incredibly uncomfortable, at least she wasn’t screaming at you. That came the moment you both closed the door to your shared hotel room. 

“It’s bad enough that I’m stuck here babysitting you,” JJ finally broke her silent fuming. “But do you really have to make it so fucking hard?”

“I don’t even know what you’re talking about!” You really didn’t. It wasn’t like you said yes to the man, you weren’t actually going to drink on the job. Is that what made her so angry? 

You stomped further into your shared hotel room. Her tone and behavior already had you absolutely heated. It wasn’t like you asked for her specifically to be the extra security glued to your hip. In fact, you had hoped it would be Morgan or Emily, that way you’d at least have a friend by your side. But no. Instead, you got Jennifer Jareau, the one woman in the entirety of the BAU who absolutely despises you. 

“What if he was the unsub?” JJ stalked after you. “You put yourself in danger!”

“Oh please!” you scoffed. “I may not be a profiler like you, but I have some sense of my surroundings when we’re on the job.” You spun around to face JJ and if looks could kill, hers would stop you dead in your tracks. Trying not to show defeat, you squared your shoulders and planted your feet. There was no way you were going to back down to her and let her make you feel wreckless and stupid. You weren’t. You were good at your job and only improving, who was she to make you feel less than that?

“Then did you notice he was following your every move since you got into the bar?” 

“Yes.” You rolled your eyes. Of course, you noticed him staring. He wasn’t the first creepy man to try to pick you up from a dive bar. 

“And you still let him get right up next to you?” 

You just shrugged. If you were being honest, by the time he approached you, you had lost focus on him. But you weren’t going to admit that to the blonde currently staring you down. 

“How can you just be so careless?!” JJ threw her hands up in frustration. “Just because he’s not the unsub doesn’t mean he doesn’t have bad intentions and you let him waltz right up to you. He was all over you, (Y/N)!” Okay, you were about to reach your threshold for JJ’s bullshit for the night. Yes, you had lost a little focus, but you weren’t in any danger. This was just one random man trying to pick you up at a bar. Of course, you were going to say no. JJ just didn’t give you the opportunity to even do it.

You decide you don’t want to listen to any more of this. Pushing past JJ and making sure to bump your shoulder with hers when she refuses to move, you make it to the hotel room door. Before you could even turn the knob though, you feel a hand wrapped around your wrist, stopping you in your tracks.

“Where are you going?” JJ pressed on.

“I need some air.” You tried to wrench your wrist away, but she just held it tighter. “Don’t worry, I’ll get Prentiss or Morgan to join me. I’ll talk to them, see if they can take over babysitting.” You practically hissed the last word, frustration getting the best of you finally. It was about time you were done being civil with the blonde. You had no idea what her problem was with you and you were starting to not even care. “That’s what you want, right?”

 “What are you talking about? I asked to be here.” That stopped you. 

“What?” You spun around so fast on JJ that if she didn’t still have such a tight hold on you, you would’ve fallen right into her. “You asked? Asked what exactly?”

“This case is serious, (Y/N). I arranged for you to have the extra security.” 

“So wait wait wait,” Your brain was moving a mile a minute. What the fuck was she playing at? You couldn’t tell for the life of you. Why would she volunteer to be stuck to you when she hates every move you make? Why did she complain about it being a babysitting job, if she knew what she was getting into? You couldn’t wrap your head around this and the shift in conversation was giving you whiplash. “Not only did you ask to be my extra security… but you also were the one to suggest it in the first place?” JJ just gave you an exhausted look and nodded her head as if you should’ve expected this kind of behavior from her. But the whole idea of this went against everything you knew about her so far. This felt completely out of character.

“Why?” was all you could think to ask. Confirming the string of events had not helped you understand her actions in the slightest.

“I just told you.” JJ’s grip loosened on your wrist, but her hand still remained there. 

“No, but why would you even want to be the one to do it? You said so yourself, it’s a babysitting job.”

“Well, it wouldn’t feel like babysitting if I didn’t have to worry about you wandering off all the fucking time!” Ah, there’s the attitude again. JJ’s grip around your wrist tightened yet again and her tone was just as condescending as ever. You really couldn’t follow her right now. She wanted to protect you, but she also hated you? Dots weren’t connecting here. 

“Why are you always like this?” You finally cracked. It dawned on you that the only way to figure out what the fuck this woman was talking about was to put all your card out on the table and hoped she would follow suit. 

“Like what?” JJ fired back.

“Treating me like I’m incapable! I was chosen to be here for a reason. I earned this job and beat out dozens of other applicants. Yet, you seem to think I can’t even do my job.” You ripped your arm away, finally breaking her grip. Whether you did that out of your own strength or she just let you, you weren’t quite sure. “You say you chose to be stuck with me for this case, but you obviously can’t stand to be next to me. Morgan or Prentiss would’ve done just as good of a job and you know it. So why didn’t you suggest them? I don’t know what your problem is with me or why you hate me, but I-”

“I don’t hate you.” She cut you off, her expression going from anger to shock in two seconds flat. Her tone had you confused. It was like a switch was flipped and suddenly JJ didn’t seem angry with you. She actually seemed just as confused as you were. “Why do you think I hate you?” 

“JJ, why wouldn’t I think that?” Your defensive stance slowly dropped as you stood in front of her. No longer feeling like you wanted to win the argument. In fact, you already felt defeated. “I’m always doing something wrong in your eyes. You have something to say about everything I do. Everyone describes this version of you that’s fun and kind, but the minute I enter a room I see you physically close off. Whenever I’m doing anything related to the job you always complain. I get that you don’t like me, but I just wish I knew what I did.” 

JJ just stood there for a second. Her eyes went from shock, to frustration, to understanding and then… Possibly pity? You weren’t entirely sure. What you did notice was that she finally stopped looking at you with anger or annoyance. This was a new look for her, but that didn’t make you any less uneasy. 

“I wasn’t complaining,” JJ sighed. “And I don’t dislike you.”

You just stood there with your eyebrow quirked. If she didn’t dislike you, she could’ve really fooled you. You saw firsthand that she wasn’t like this with the others on the team.

“You’ve got it all wrong,” JJ’s voice was soft this time, almost hesitant. 

“Then explain it to me.”

“I’m pushing you,” JJ corrected. “Because I know you can do better and because this job is dangerous, even when you’re a communications liaison for the team. When I was in your position, I was unprepared, untrained and I got into some sticky situations. It’s a miracle that I’m standing here today. I didn’t want you to have that risk. I couldn’t stand it if…” She paused for a second. You watched as her jaw clenched and unclenched. It was obvious she was struggling with some kind of internal debate, trying to find the right words to share with you. What amazed you was the lack of anger toward you. For once, you were seeing a softer side of JJ and all it took was you admitting that you thought she hated your guts.

“I can’t let you get hurt,” JJ finally said. “I push you to try hard so if I’m not there, you’d still be safe. I asked to keep an eye on you, because I thought you were being put in danger in this case. I want to be close to you, because…” She took a deep breath. “Because I don’t dislike you. It’s the opposite.”

The opposite? What does that even- OH. Oh. 

“Oh.” Was all you could manage to say. Did she mean what you thought she meant? It couldn’t possibly be that she had feelings for you, right? You had to be reading into that. A moment ago you thought she couldn’t stand even sharing the same air as you, and now you’re thinking she has thing for you? No, you’re losing it. That or she’s fucking with you. But as you stare back at her, in all your confusion, you can at least recognize that she’s being completely honest. Even throughout all of your bad experiences with her, you still got to know her a little bit. JJ was serious, honest, and straightforward. So it would’ve been incredibly uncharacteristic of her to be playing mind games with you right now. 

“I just never thought you felt like that?” You phrased it as a question. Still not sure how to fully understand this weird turn of events. Surely, you’re wrong. You went from two extremes: Her absolutely hating you to her having romantic feelings for you. Could you really have misread everything this whole time? If that’s the case, then you really were horrible at noticing your surroundings. “I really thought you hated me.” 

“Yeah, well…” JJ sighed. “I’m not the best at expressing my feelings.” 

The two of you just stared at each other for a moment, you still in disbelief and JJ looking almost guilty now. There was no sign of her being anything but genuine. Yet, you still just couldn’t believe it completely. 

“Are you messing with me?” You heard yourself say it before you could even really stop it.

“What? No, of course not.” JJ almost looked hurt when you asked that and you almost felt bad about it. Almost, but then you still couldn’t shake the stress and aggravation she put you through the past year. “Look, office romances can be messy and I didn’t want to get tangled up in that, so I tried to keep my distance. But then you started spending time after work with Morgan, Hotchner, and Prentiss and told myself I was joining them to help, to protect you. That was half true. I was really just jealous.”

Wow. Okay, you really didn’t see that coming. So everything back at the bar, it wasn’t even about you being bad at your job. It was about her being jealous that some guy was trying to pick you up. That really wasn’t on your list of theories for what had JJ so pissed off. Things were slowly starting to click now, though. Her insistence to always be where you were going to be was actually planned. You really had thought all those times, it was just the universe playing a cruel joke and putting you two together when she seemed to want to be as far away from you as possible. You had also always wondered why JJ asked to be invited to your training sessions, especially if she specifically knew you’d be there and clearly didn’t need the extra practice herself, even if that was her own excuse. Now, you knew it was both to protect you and be closer to you. Never in a million years would you have thought she felt protective of you and jealous of your attention on someone else. But here you were, staring at a new version of JJ you’ve never seen before. One that’s vulnerable and insecure. One that just admitted that all her actions had been out of jealousy and her overprotectiveness towards you. Fuck… did you think that was kind of cute?

“You were jealous…” You mumbled to yourself. “And everything at the bar was also jealousy?”

“You could’ve been in danger!” JJ groaned in frustration. You only half bought it. Tapping your foot, you waited for JJ to give you the honest answer you knew would come next. “Okay, a little.” There it was.

You both stood there for a moment in silence. All of her confessions still weighing heavily on both of you and the room still feeling incredibly too tense. Suddenly, everything you knew about JJ was completely wrong. Every moment with her got rewritten. You thought back to so many instances that you just totally misread. If you weren’t so intimidated by JJ maybe you could’ve seen this earlier. You wondered if anyone else knew how she felt. They were all profilers, so surely they knew. Hell, the more you thought back to certain moments with JJ the more you wondered how you didn’t know until now. 

“Listen,” JJ broke the silence finally. “I didn’t realize that you thought I hated you. If this all makes you uncomfortable then I can ask Prentiss to-”

“No!” You blurted. “I mean, no. It’s okay, I just should’ve talked to you sooner. I want you to stay.” 

“Are you sure? I completely understand if not.” JJ began to fish for her phone in her pocket. “I can just call Emily for-”

Without much thought and to the surprise of both of you, it was you who snatched her wrist this time. Only, you didn’t exactly stop there. Suddenly, you found yourself propelling forward, your lips meeting JJ. What were you even doing? You really couldn’t say. All you knew was that you had been utterly oblivious to everything going on around you and the person you found incredibly attractive and incredibly infuriating was trying to tell you this whole time that she had feelings for you. So what did you do to stop her from fleeing the scene of the mess she put you in? You kissed her.  You really kissed her. Your hand had a mind of its own, snaking its way to tangle in her hair. 

It took JJ all of one second to realize what was happening. That your lips were smashed against hers in a hasty attempt to get her to shut up. And when she did realize you were kissing her. That you were actually the one to initiate it, she was on cloud nine. The hand that wasn’t locked in your iron grip had reached for your waist, her lips moved with yours in excitement. When you felt her use her hold on your waist to pull you forward and press you fully against her, you couldn’t stop the gasp you let out against her lips.

But that’s also what snapped you out of your impulsive actions.

“Oh fuck!” You jumped back, your hand releasing her wrist to fly to your mouth. Fuck, you actually just kissed Jennifer Jareau. “I’m so sorry.” Your brain wasn’t able to process this whole day. All you could think to do was apologize. 

“Hey, I’m not complaining,” JJ gave you a smug grin, her hand tightening on your waist. You didn’t have much of a comeback to that. Turns out, you didn’t even need one as JJ had immediately leaned back in to kiss you again. This time it wasn’t awkward or rushed, it was slow and gentle. It had you melting in the arms of the woman, who moments ago you believed to be your worst enemy. But the way she was kissing you had your heart pounding and your cheeks flushed. Her lips tasted divine and when her other hand came up to cup your chin so she could hold your face closer as she kissed you, you lost yourself even more to the feeling of her. 

As surprised as you were to admit it, when she broke the kiss again you didn’t want it to end. For a year, you wanted to be as far away from her as possible, but right now you never wanted her to let you go. Did you always have these feelings for her? Maybe. Maybe that’s why you pushed yourself to step up to the challenges she presented. Maybe you wanted to impress her, to give her reasons to praise you or at least to notice you. Maybe you both were pining for each other, but both of you were far too stubborn to ever admit it. 

“What now?” You mumbled as JJ pressed her forehead to yours. Showing you a gentleness you’ve never seen with her. 

“Hm…” JJ leaned forward one more time, brushing her lips against yours before pulling back just slightly. “We could finally take Garcia’s advice?”

“Which is?”

“We could finally stop arguing and just go out on a date?” JJ chuckled. “I had to sensor that a little.”

“Oh, I bet.” You grinned and took JJ’s hands in yours. “Okay, take me out on a date then.” 

One could say the date went well, and what followed after was even better. When this case started and you were told you’d be stuck with JJ, you expected the worst. You imagined how you’d be tearing each other down the whole time, but what you didn’t, in your wildest dreams, ever expect was to be tearing off each other's clothes. What you thought was a surprise for everyone, was really just about damn time.

Taglist: @leecravesdeath @daddy-jareau @louderfortheback 

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[grey-gazania]

I'm sorry someone bombarded you with bitchy comments 😭. While my To Read list is lengthy and continually lengthier (actually I think something of yours with her is on it), I'd like to hear more about Ianneth-Fingon-Maedhros if you want to talk about them.

@polutrope

It wasn't really upsetting, just annoying and honestly a little bit funny. This guy left comments on all six chapters of By Love or at Least Free Will, every time I updated the story, just objecting to the entire premise of the story and ranting about how Elves have incorruptible pure souls and are immune to lust. I was sorely tempted to respond with this quote from "Laws & Customs Among the Eldar":

Even when in after days, as the histories reveal, many of the Eldar in Middle-earth became corrupted, and their hearts darkened by the shadow that lies upon Arda, seldom is any tale told of deeds of lust among them.

'Seldom' is not the same thing as 'never', and furthermore, I don't think lust is even a major theme of my story. It's more about conflicting obligations and unruly hearts.

In the end I deleted the comments without responding, because I have a personal policy of not engaging with people who are acting in bad faith. But I have to assume that this guy has no actual hobbies if he spends his time hate-reading entire stories instead of just...closing the window and moving on with his life. Maybe take up crochet, bro? Or volunteer at a soup kitchen? Watch a TV show that you like? Grow some tomatoes? Do something that will be more fulfilling than typing long screeds on AO3. I promise it will make you a happier person.

Anyway. On to the actual topic of your ask! As you've probably noticed, I am very fond of Russingon. However, I am also very fond of Fingon as Gil-galad's father. At first I balanced these two ideas by keeping my Russingon ideas and my Fingon-father-of-Gil-galad ideas in two separate universes, but then I started really fleshing out Gil-galad's mother, and it made me think some thoughts. To repeat something I said to @cuarthol in a comment on AO3:

...half the genesis of Ianneth was seeing so many stories (in multiple fandoms, not just Tolkien) where the woman is written out of a canon or semi-canon couple to make room for a popular M/M ship instead, without the female character being treated with any respect. I decided that the female perspective on that situation would be a nice change of pace and interesting to write.

I'm not trying to point fingers -- I'll readily admit that I have my male faves just like the next gal and that it's fun to make them kiss -- but the wives and girlfriends don't get a lot of love in fandom, do they? And it doesn't help that the legendarium in general tends to be a bit of a sausage fest. So I decided that Fingon would have a wife and be in love with Maedhros. But instead of focusing just on the forbidden love, I was going to focus on the wife's feelings, too.

Ianneth ("bridge-woman") is one of the Northern Sindar, from the community that lives around Lake Mithrim. She's the daughter of Annael (yes, that Annael), whom I've imagined to be one of the more influential leaders among the Northern Sindar, and particularly among the Elves of Mithrim.

Her betrothal to Fingon starts as a political arrangement. Fingolfin loves Fingon dearly, of course, but he's also been hinting for a while now that Fingon really needs to settle down and start having kids so that there will be a strong line of heirs should Fingolfin die. After all, Argon's dead, and Turgon and Aredhel abruptly fucked off to god-knows-where some three hundred years ago and haven't been seen nor heard from since. Your dad needs some grandsons, Fingon, and this also seems like a ripe opportunity to strengthen the Noldor's alliance with the Northern Sindar.

I don't think political marriage is unknown among the Elves of Beleriand. (For one example in the text, see Celegorm trying to marry Luthien to force Doriath into an alliance.) And the quote I drew the title of the aforementioned Fingon/Ianneth story from, also found in "Laws and Customs Among the Eldar," is:

The Eldar wedded only once in life, and for love or at the least by free will upon either part.

Free will could easily mean, "Are we in love? No. But I'll still marry you, for the good of our peoples, and I'll bring some of Dad's soldiers along with me." That sort of thing happened all the time among real-world nobility, so I see no reason why it can't happen among Elven nobility in Beleriand, too.

At any rate, Fingolfin arranges for Fingon to meet the daughters of some of the more powerful leaders of the Northern Sindar, and he's hint-hint-hinting that Fingon really needs to pick one of them to be his wife. Fingon, having been in love with Maedhros since they were young in Valinor, is not exactly keen on this plan. But he goes along with it anyway because he is a dutiful son, he knows that his father is right about needing to strengthen the line of succession, and he also knows that revealing his (quite taboo!) relationship with Maedhros to his father would probably break Fingolfin's heart.

It takes Fingon a while to decide who to court, but he picks Ianneth because he likes her sense of humor; she has the guts to gently tease him at their first meeting, which he finds quite charming. He doesn't think he can love anyone besides Maedhros, but he does look at Ianneth and think, "This is a woman I could grow to care for and whose companionship I think could enjoy."

The trouble begins when, over the course of their courtship, Fingon starts falling in love with Ianneth without falling out of love with Maedhros. And he doesn't know what to do about this. He can't call off the marriage, and he doesn't want to break things off with Maedhros, so he decides to just...keep the whole thing with Maedhros a secret and marry Ianneth anyway. It's not a good decision, but really, are there any options here that won't end with someone getting hurt? I don't think so.

So we have Ianneth, blissfully ignorant of her husband's infidelity (for now); Fingon, in love with two people at once and feeling horribly guilty about it, but unwilling to pick one partner over the other; and Maedhros, resigned to the situation but still hurting because Fingon is no longer his alone.

Maedhros' feelings are complicated by the fact that, once he meets her, he finds that likes Ianneth. It would be easier, he thinks, if he could write her off as just a political necessity for Fingon, but it turns out that she's charming and intelligent and kind, and he can understand why Fingon loves her. His feelings soften further once Ereiniel is born, because Fingon is so happy being a father, and he loves Fingon, so how can he begrudge him that? There's a line from "Famous Blue Raincoat" by Leonard Cohen that I always think of when I'm getting into Maedhros' head at this point:

And thanks for the trouble you took from [his] eyes. I thought it was there for good, so I never tried.

Things tick along about as smoothly as they can for thirteen years, until, in the aftermath of Fingolfin's death during the Dagor Bragollach, as Fingon prepares to send Ianneth and Ereiniel to the Falas for their safety, Ianneth learns his secret. This is understandably devastating for her, and leaves her wondering if Fingon ever really loved her as she loved him, or if his marriage to her was simply a politically expedient sham.

Add to that the fact that she leaves for the Falas less than ten hours after this revelation and spends most of that ten hours either crying or asleep, as she's too upset to really talk to Fingon about what she's discovered, and it leaves her with this horrible knowledge and all the worst thoughts that come from it gnawing at her nearly a full year until Fingon next comes to Eglarest -- time that she spends as the sole caregiver for her young daughter, among strangers in a foreign city, without her mother or her sister or any of her friends who might have theoretically been able to offer her some emotional support.

Theoretically is a key word there, though, because even if, say, her sister had come to Eglarest, Ianneth isn't sure she'd even be able to tell her. For one thing, she can't help feeling ashamed, because infidelity is very rare among Elves, and she can't help thinking that maybe she failed as a wife somehow, and if she'd done something different, Fingon wouldn't have strayed. Then there's the fact that he's the High King of the Noldor, and if this gets out it could cause a crisis in the Noldorin government and possibly tank the alliance between the House of Fingolfin and the Northern Sindar. Ianneth is a practical woman, and she's of the Northern Sindar -- the people who have been living practically on Morgoth's doorstep for centuries, with no Maia queen's magic girdle to protect them. Their alliance with the Noldor is vital, and she would never want to jeopardize it.

So Ianneth is just...completely alone with this pain. She has no one to turn to, no one who can comfort her. And that pain is central to her story, and a not insignificant part of Ereiniel's story, too.

[quohotos]

did u maybe also read guardians of ga'hoole? could i bother u for some of those owls?

YES! I did read all of them when I was like 11 or 12. Our school library had the full series. I don't remember if I liked owls before I discovered Ga'Hoole, or if I liked owls because of Ga'Hoole but either way it became like my THING for a couple years.

My favorite thing about them was that in the inner cover was all of the main characters illustrated with their names attached, and then in the back cover was four more characters illustrated who you hadn't met yet. I just thought that was so cool, and every time a new character was introduced I would flip back to the end cover and see if it was one of the ones shown off. I'm totally going to steal that technique if I ever get published.

I actually made a clay plant pot that had little (also clay) renditions of these guys pasted onto the side but I can't find it at the moment. If I ever do I'll post a picture of it.

oh, rant time:

I read ALL of the books, and then got two books into the wolf spinoff before I realized I just... didn't super enjoy Lasky's writing. I put up with it because owl but there were a lot of things that really baffled me as I reading. What the fuck was going on with gizzards? And magnets? Why were there always songs? Why did we get two expansion pack maps (wait, no that was cool I'm not complaining about that one)? Why was Soren's brother owl Hitler? I mean that literally, they say like "Hiel Kludd" and goose step and do a little owl salute. Why do all of the books I read as a child have animal Hitler in them??? Are the humans (sorry, others) all dead? Did the owls kill them? Trader Mags tears out the eyes of portraits and trades them, and laments the fact that she's never found violet eyes (is that a fucking Underland Chronicles Reference??? (I don't think it is now but I sure as heck thought so then). Why did it suddenly become first person but for like only one book? Why is Soren related to both Owl Hitler and Owl Jesus? Does Mist actually have magic powers or is she just like that? Why did Soren let his kids drink alcohol? Soren just starts a family off screen like welcome back he's a dad now? Am I allowed to make fun of the fantasy names that are impossible to spell and pronounce or are they actually Native names and I'm gonna appear super racist? God those were violent, like a lot of people died? What's all this shit about owls not pooping, they totally do poop in addition to dropping pelots? This book mislead me and I totally embarassed myself infront of the entire highschool biology class aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

I remember walking downtown and going past a local mini movie theater. There were posters up for the Ga'Hoole movie and I was like HOLY FUCKING SHIT LETS GO LETS GO YES YES YES.

And then I saw it and it was just alright. I mean I'm not gonna say it was bad or anything, I don't think Zach Snyder ruined my life or whatnot but it was just okay. I feel like British Soren was anoying but they at least got Twilight correct. Mad they recast the spotted owl because they're native to where I grew up and we love the representation. They rolled the first like four books into one and changed the lore to kind of merge the moon blinking (which just dissipated from the story after book 2?????) with the animal magnetism that brainwashes his sister (fucking magnets again, magnets in the gizzards, how do they work?). Why did they put owl city on the soundtrack? I mean it was obligatory, they had to, but also why?

I did read all of them religiously, and I do have a great appreciation for owls as a result... but I'm just not as attached to them as I am the Underland Chronicles. I feel like they were good books for me as a kid, but I have very little desire to go back and re-read them.

[nine-of-words]

Something Borrowed (Part Six)

M Gargoyle x M Reader

PREVIOUS || STORY TAG || NEXT

Wordcount: 6036

Content Warnings: Discussion of a Breakup

Sorry for the bit of a break, life really conspired to impede my ability to write for a few weeks. But I’m so happy to get back to writing this story! I did end up cutting this part in two because the wordcount had gotten a bit bigger than I’d like. So nothing spicy yet, this part is just pure sweetness.

You wake up in the morning disoriented with a dull, throbbing headache.

You sit up in bed, confused as to the barricade of pillows at your back until memories of the previous night start to come cascading down on you.

The tasting. Trevor. Having to put on a smile and get through it because it's your job.

Unintentionally slamming nearly an entire bottle of champagne like it was the dawn of the new year.

…Carlyle.

Making a sloppy fool of yourself in front of him…

Oh, I've completely blown that wide open for sure. You think to yourself, devastated, staring at the ceiling and considering the doomed nature of your love life. Figures. With the curse… Something was bound to happen sooner or later…

On top of everything else, you barely closed anything down last night, so this morning's going to be a major slog. Might as well get up now and get started…

You groan, sitting up and grabbing your head.

You're thinking of maybe just sinking back down and smothering yourself with a pillow instead, but there are cakes to be baked.

So, you will yourself to get up and start your morning routine. Before your feet even hit the ground, though, you notice some things on your nightstand that wouldn't normally be there; a glass of water and a pair of headache pills.

…He left that out for me?

You check your device for messages, and you're both partially relieved, and partially terrified to find some new ones from Carlyle waiting.

You can deal with a hard day getting your shop caught up with a hangover. You can't deal with any more heartbreak right now.

With a wince, you open the log.

> Good morning

> I hope you're feeling better

> I closed up and turned the lights off

> As well as I could, I'm no baker

> We can reschedule when you're ready

> Let me know if you need anything else, I'll bring it over

Except, you… haven't blown it? Somehow???

…What an absolute sweetheart. Literally the patience of a saint.

The tension in your neck and shoulders releases just a bit. 

You type out a message yourself after you've popped the pills in and inelegantly gulped down the entire glass of water to follow them.

And after a few revisions, you've managed a message you think covers everything: you're fine aside from an expected headache, thanking him for his help, then sheepishly offering some times in the next week that could work.

Your relief is short lived, however; as you faintly hear the telltale sound of the shop door bell downstairs.

Dammit- is that an early customer? Or a robber leaving? 

Finally fully dressed, you hastily descend the stairs into your still slightly darkened shop.

You do this every early morning, and the darkness doesn't bother you, yet this morning it feels… decidedly spooky down here.

Across your shop, the bell is indeed still jingling.

You're staring directly at the door, through the hazy light starting to filter in from the shop windows from the sun rising. The door hasn't changed position, but the bell itself is certainly moving. 

You rub your eyes, assuming your mishap last night is making you see things. But when you reopen them, the bell is still moving, still ringing out in a gentle metallic jingling.

You steel your resolve and slowly, tentatively approach the door.

But wait- Carlyle said he locked the door. So how could…?

Hand trembling, you reach out to test the weight of your hand on the door.

Locked.

The hairs stand up on the back of your neck.

And just like that, the bell stops.

Silence falls over your empty storefront. You release a long breath you didn’t realize you were holding.

…Right. Okay. That’s fine.

You should tell Kirby about that. Definitely.

They asked for you to let them know about any peculiar activity when they're not there to see it themselves; it's Saturday, so they won't be coming into the shop today. So, you type out a message reporting the strange occurrence, in what's now a practiced routine between the two of you.

…After you’ve turned on every light in the store.

< hey good morning

< my shop bell's making a racket on its own today

< it doesn’t normally do that, to be clear

Now that your shop is bathed in light and has your full attention, you take a look around to survey the damage.

Though, there isn’t actually any mess to speak of. The back may not be set up exactly how you would’ve closed it down, but it is immaculate.

He did the dishes. He wiped down every surface. He swept under the tables. 

He even took the cardboard and trash down! Did he do all of this in a suit…?

Marriage material, your brain concludes on its own, in the way your mother or sister would express their succinct approval for a friend or family member’s new guy. You can’t help but smile as you silently chide yourself. You haven’t even had a successful date, yet. 

But the fact that you’re even entertaining the thought, after your last experience…?

Carlyle is really special.

Expecting Kirby will be calling you back soon, you set your device in its stand on speakerphone, and after washing up, begin to weigh out ingredients for the batters to mix for the day. It doesn’t take long into the task for you to receive the callback.

“Sorry, I know it’s still really early-” You say immediately, before they get a chance to speak.

“Don’t be!!” Kirby’s voice cracks a little, still audibly froggy from just waking up. “Are you okay? Do you feel threatened? I’ll come over and beat up the bell if you need me to!!”

“No, no, I wouldn’t ask you to do that on a day off,” You laugh. “It’s stopped now. It was just a bit of a spook.”

“Weird! That does sound suuuuper spooky! And not like the side effects of a curse at all, honestly!! Curses don’t really do a lot of poltergeist activity.”

“I thought much the same.” You reply, absentmindedly laying your hand on your chest, where you’ve been told the curse is seated. “Nothing like this has happened before now.”

“Hmmm. Do you know if your shop has had problems with that in the past? It could be that there is some sort of interference with your curse happening from an outside source, complicating things. Things get janky really fast when multiple sources of magic are involved. It could even be why I’m having such a hard time locating the source of your curse in the first place.”

“The space was supposedly exorcized to code before I rented it, if that means anything…”

“Ugh- But people cut corners all the time! Especially if it’s cheaper! So, it sounds like you’ve given me a lead to look into- that should be an easy enough record to find, hehe!” You can hear the excitement and passion of an expected breakthrough clear in their voice, even over the line. “I’ll let you know on Monday if I managed to dig up anything~”

“Thanks. I really appreciate it.”

“Don’t mention it! It is literaaaaally my job!” Kirby says in a singsong voice, sounding much more like themselves now that they’re awake. “Now, onto real business! You NEED to tell me how your date went. Immediately!!”

You cringe while telling Kirby about your lapse in judgement, but they seem largely unfazed, instead making sure you’re alright and commiserating on how awful of an experience getting stuck in a situation with your ex is. Overall, they’re much more interested in how Carlyle handled it. You can’t help it- you end up emphatically gushing about him for a few uninterrupted minutes, but again, Kirby seems to eat it right up, a squeal peaking the microphone at least once.

“Oh, that is the sweetest thing I’ve ever heard! I’m so happy for you!” Their voice bubbles with excitement. “Where do I find one of those for myself?! I was starting to think there’s no good men in the entirety of Windrise City- Or at least I’m not finding any of them- Hah!”

“I don’t think I’m the man to ask,” You laugh. “Every man I’ve had, I’ve landed with baked goods…”

“Haha, well not all of us are lucky enough to have innate baking skill bred into us. Did he finally like something?”

“No…”

“Ugh. Well, don’t give up! I’m invested now!!”

“Hah, no way I’m giving up when I’m this close to figuring it out. I was going to make something quick yesterday but then things happened. I still need to figure out something to make.”

You continue chatting for longer than you mean to, but decide to let yourself bask in the feeling of having a positive, supportive friendship again. It’s not like the shop opens for another few hours, anyway.

Eventually you hang up, instead shifting your idle thoughts to what to bake Carlyle next… And even though you’ve ended the call, something Kirby said has inadvertently given you a stroke of inspiration- specifically, the comment about having baking skills bred into you.

You definitely do, and now is a perfect occasion to use that fact.

After a quick glance at the clock, you dial home.

“Oh, now isn’t someone up early this mornin’?” Your sister Emer’s voice is clear and bold on the other end of the line, not even bothering with a greeting.

“I’m up early every morning,” You laugh. “You would know.”

“Right.” There’s a bit of noise on the other side. ”Yeah it’s him- Da wants to know how your starter’s doin’.”

“It’s doing what a starter does- Sitting on the counter. I wouldn’t let it die. It was a pain enough to smuggle through customs.”

“Oh no. He said he let it die, Da. What a blasted shame.” She says with a deadpan tone, followed by muffled noises of your father’s displeasure on the other end, and she can’t hold back her laughter.

“Uncalled for.”

“Hahah- So you usually call in the evenin’. What’s the occasion? Need somethin’?”

You sigh. You’ve accepted a long time ago that there’s no avoiding being read like a book when it comes to her.

“I need Ma’s cardamom bun recipe.”

Specifically, her family’s heirloom kardemummabullar recipe she brought with her when she moved to the Queen’s Isle from Linnea, long before either of you were even born. She tends to keep the recipe locked up tight- She’s always been quite superstitious, and she credits them with winning over your father, and consequently, both you and Emer existing. 

Hers use mixed spice, rather than just the cardamom and orange zest alone. You’re planning to modify it further, and really highlight the star anise flavor from the mixed spice. You had considered cinnamon rolls early into this process, but had initially written them off as too sweet. But adapting these to tick all of the boxes that you need them to wouldn’t be all that difficult.

“Ooooooh, and what are you in need of that for? You found yourself a new fella?”

You hadn’t mentioned Carlyle to her yet, and definitely not to your parents. It’s not that you haven’t wanted to, though- you’ve just been hesitant to mention it too early, after what happened last time.

“...Yeah.” You sigh. “I think so.”

You recount everything you just told Kirby minutes ago, not losing even a bit of your excitement, despite it being the second time. You fill Emer in on not just the things he did to clean up the shop, but also give her a crash course on how kind and supportive he’s been so far in general.

“Marriage material.” Emer hums summarily. Even with how little she actually says, you can hear the undertones of joy and relief there.

“Yeah, I know. I know!” You say, flustered. You can feel the grin spreading on your face, and the blood rushing to your cheeks, hearing your own thoughts from earlier echoed back to you from the source.

It’s definitely a distinction that Trevor had never gotten awarded, despite the amount of time you’d been together. You used to wonder why, but the farther you get from that relationship, the more you’re starting to understand exactly why.

 “So, are you going to give me those numbers now, or am I going to have to get on an airship for them?”

“Yeah, keep your knickers on, I have to find her- Oh. Here she is. Ma, can you fetch me the recipe card for the cardamom buns from your cedar box?... Your son…” She scoffs. “Yeah, he’s got a new fella. Why else would he want the recipe for these?”

You groan. If your hands weren’t gloved and partially coated in the wet batter you’re filling into cake tins right now, you’d be holding your head in them in despair.

“I dunno, Ma. I just found out too… I dunno! Doesn’t tell us anything. Not a scrap of information… Sounds leagues better than the last one though… I’m sure he’ll call back later and tell you everything, Ma, but if I hand you the phone now you’ll be on the line until close-”

Somehow, you survive the emotional gauntlet of listening to the women in your family talk about you like you aren’t there, and a notification for the image of the recipe card finally comes through. 

“Ma says to make it count.”

“I’ll do my best.”

You say your goodbyes and hang up, feeling a pleasant warmth in your chest and trying to mentally dampen your accent’s attempt to re-emerge before you have to speak to any customers.

By the time you’ve finished the batters and got the first round in the oven, Carlyle’s responded.

> Good. I’m glad you’re feeling better

> How about tonight then? Same time, same place

That's how you end up on the train hours later, heading to the restaurant you were supposed to be going to this time yesterday. You're carrying a pink paper box containing your latest attempt at a baked good Carlyle would like- and you have a strong feeling that this time is going to be the time you're finally victorious. You're transporting a secret weapon. 

As it turns out, the address Carlyle gave you is for a fusion fine dining restaurant at the top of an observation tower overlooking the entirety of Windrise City. You step out from the elevator and into a spacious, lavish dining room.

Massive gemstone pillars of varying colors line the walls. A great, sprawling chandelier hangs from the ceiling, studded with an array of gemstones that bathe the floor below in iridescent shards of light.

You’re instructed to take a seat on one of the leather settees lining the walls of the lobby, giving you just enough time to scope out the interior of the dining room while you wait. 

There are several sharply dressed gargoyles and harpies peppered in the mix of customers, which given the the demographic of the city and the altitude of the restaurant itself, is not surprising at all.

There is a real, living person playing the piano- just sitting there, playing it as their job, in the middle of the restaurant.

The dress worn by the hostess who greets you probably costs more than a week of what your business brings in, given how many precious stones are attached to the bodice.

This place is swanky.

Are you underdressed? You picked out one of your finest sets of clothes you have for the occasion; your favorite non-work button up, fitted slacks and your nice chukkas. Nothing that you're currently wearing ever so much as sees the inside of your work kitchen, never once coming into contact with a speck of flour or sugar. 

And yet, you can't help but feel out of place and small standing in the lobby. Everything in here is just so… shiny, glitzy, and polished.

…You're underdressed. 

And you shouldn't have brought your secret weapon in a dessert box- it probably looks so tacky. No one’s said anything, but that doesn’t mean they’re not thinking it. Then again, holding onto it is the only thing keeping you from gnawing your nails down to nubs.

You're still awkwardly fretting in the lobby, sure you stick out like a sore thumb, holding your silly little pink paper box in shame when you finally see a familiar set of shiny pink horns peeking over the heads of the throng of people in the lobby.

The crowd finally thins out, allowing you to visually take in your date approaching from the elevator.

He's handsome as ever, dressed similarly to how he was yesterday, but with a darker suit and a blush pink tie with an intricate filigree pattern you haven’t seen before. He adjusts his cufflinks- which look like they perfectly match his crystalline horns- as he approaches.

You’re so excited to see him, you pretty much hop out of your seat in expectation.

"Good evening." Carlyle walks over to you from the group exiting the elevator. "Sorry, I wanted to beat you here, but you know how the trains in this city are."

Lady of Flame, he's perfect. So charming and smooth and put together and it looks so effortless and you're sure he's not even nervous at all.

"No," You feel like you're lying, even though you know you aren’t. It felt like a hellish eternity- but he doesn't need to know that. "Not very long."

The hostess leads you to a table with a quality view through the tall, panoramic window looking over the city.

The height is almost dizzying- and as you stare out the window, settle into your seat and set down your box, you realize that the restaurant itself must be very slowly rotating, providing a complete view of Windrise City from your seat over time. 

People of the winged variety even seem to be landing at designated areas themselves, rather than taking the elevator from the ground. As you're watching the sight, a waiter comes by with a carafe of water, filling your glasses and just as quickly disappearing.

"First date jitters?" Carlyle asks when your eyes focus back on him.

"This place is just so nice, and I… I can't help but feel a little out of my element."

"What do you mean by that?" 

"The location, the decor, the vibe- You saw what the hostess was wearing, right?" You start to fiddle with the silverware roll, lowering your voice as a precaution. "She looks like she's rolled about in a baron's bank vault-"

Carlyle barely manages to keep from snorting into his water glass.

"Not that she doesn't seem lovely, mind you, I'm only using that as an example- but," You motion to yourself. "Baker's son. From a farming village? I'd wager that chandelier cost more than my parents' bakery-"

"Ah, I see. Are you uncomfortable?"

"...Maybe."

"Don't be, you belong here as much as anyone else. …But if it's bad, we don't have to stay."

You start to relax marginally, soothed by Carlyle validating you being here.

"No, no, we can stay. It really does seem just lovely. If you're sure it’s alright…I just feel a tick underdressed…"

"You're dressed quite well as far as I'm concerned. Usually I see you in the apron, and while I certainly appreciate the apron look, this is a nice breath of fresh air for me.”

You would feel a bit silly, needing to be given verbal permission to exist in a restaurant, but it's hard to focus on chiding yourself when your brain is flooded with good feelings from the compliment you just received.

Your sense of belonging doesn’t last very long, as the second you open the menu, you’re hit with the worst sticker shock you’ve had, outside of buying kitchen equipment.

"Do you… often come to super fancy places like this to eat?" 

You can't help but wonder if you're anywhere near each other in terms of income. …Would that be a problem for him? If he's used to this kind of thing every day…

You know there's a stereotype that lawyers tend to make a lot, and you don't do awfully for yourself with the bakery- wedding cakes aren't cheap, after all- but this place is not really within the scope of your normal budget. You're just as content frequenting the little hole-in-the-wall corner store in your neighborhood.

"Hahah. No, nonono." Carlyle shakes his head, incredulous. "This is definitely a special occasions only sort of place for me."

"Oh, whew…" You let out a long breath, before feeling a smile creep onto your face. "So, you define this as a special occasion?"

"Yes. A first date is a special occasion, as far as I'm concerned. A special occasion for a special person." The fond smile he gives you over the menu in return makes you want to melt. "Plus, you endured something difficult yesterday, and you overcame it. Is that not a reason enough to allow yourself a reward?"

"Ahh- don't remind me-" You hold your temple and wince at the empty wine glass on your side of the table, already deciding you won't be partaking tonight. "Thanks again for taking such bang-up care of me yesterday…"

"Don't mention it. I'd want someone to treat me with care too, if I was going through something of that nature."

"That's really kind of you, you know. I guess it comes with territory of exes, right? Having that experience with that, yourself…"

"...From work…? Yes, I try to treat my clients as carefully as I can, I'm sure it's bled into my personal life, too…" Carlyle replies, seemingly trying to make sense of your comparison out loud to himself.

"No, I mean," Muted terror builds in you by the second, realizing you've waltzed right into a minefield of a topic. "...From your own divorces?"

Carlyle pauses for a moment then laughs, a deep warm one.

"Oh, hahah- I was wondering when that was going to come up. It always does..." He shakes his head, dark eyes crinkling at the edges from his amusement and subtle chagrin. "I've never been married, myself; let alone divorced."

"But your horns…?" You trail off, quietly wondering how both things are true. Kirby wouldn't steer you wrong… "I'm so sorry- is that problematic to assume? I'm probably making a right fool of myself-"

"No, you're not wrong to assume that. That is usually the reason why a gargoyle would wear caps like mine." He motions towards them with an open hand. "But I wear them because my horns were damaged when I was a kid."

"Oooh, that makes sense. That would… definitely rule that out then."

His face twists into the little smirk you’ve grown familiar with, the one when he thinks what he’s about to say is amusing.

"Right? In my professional experience, it's uncommon for grade schoolers to be divorced." 

"I wouldn't have guessed." You can't help but laugh. At least he's not offended… "I suppose it's personal preference in your case?"

"Correct. My choice was to wear caps and have people think I'm divorced, or go without and have people assume I'm taken. Mattered much less when I was a child, obviously, but as I got older I decided continuing to wear them would be the best option for me."

"I quite like them." You smile, watching the way the light from the chandelier high above glints off their rosy points.

"I'm glad- Even moreso that you still wanted to date me, thinking I was serially divorced."

"Of course I would. You've gotten a face full of my baggage, so it seems only fair. …Any other notable exes? You've gotten a crash course on my only one…"

"Not a lot of that to speak of, myself. I haven't dated anyone for longer than a year or so… Nothing that ever became serious."

"Oh… Should I be worried about my shelf life, then…?" You laugh, only half joking.

"No, definitely not. Dating before was more a compulsory way to waste time, if anything. I was starting to lose interest in it altogether, if I'm being completely honest. Until I walked into your shop. No one has really ever captured my attention the way that you have."

“That’s… very sweet of you to say.” You feel your heartbeat a little faster, and the blood goes straight to your face, the temptation to hide behind your hands growing by the moment.

“It’s true.” He affirms.

The conversation is temporarily silenced when the waiter shows up to take your order.

In the momentary quiet following, you find yourself taking in the features of his face, eyes languidly tracing one of the erosion lines up, until your gaze settles on his horns.

"How did it happen? … lf you don't mind sharing. I don't want to bring up any bad memories…"

"Mmm. We got new bicycles for our 10th birthday. Someone thought it'd be fun to put a stick in the spokes of my back tire while we were riding at top speed."

You grimace, taking a quick breath of air in through your teeth in sympathy pain.

"Yes, it was as pretty an outcome as you can imagine. Flew right over the handlebars and landed headfirst onto concrete." Carlyle chuckles, almost wistfully despite the gruesome nature of what he's describing. “Luckily, since I’m a gargoyle, I only walked away with busted horns and a few scrapes on my face, and not anything more serious.”

"Oh my- I'm glad there was no lasting damage, at least… Your parents must've been worried sick."

"My mother was absolutely livid with him- she still gets so mad whenever it gets brought up. But in Marcus' defense, he really didn't realize what was going to happen. He felt so bad afterwards…" Carlyle laughs and grins one of his wide, slightly fanged smiles. "…And it was pretty funny."

"It's hard to imagine getting up to that much mischief. The worst my sister and I ever did was ruin batches of bread here and there... Or fall out of the neighbor's tree and twist a shoulder trying to pick apples."

The time until your meals arrive is spent sharing stories about your respective siblings, finding that despite you having an older sister and him having a technically younger brother, they are loveably insufferable in similar ways.

It’s good to know that you can connect about things outside of work, but you feel as if there’s still so much you have to learn about him. It’s an equally daunting and exciting prospect. You want to know him better- to get even closer. It’s something you have been too hurt to let yourself feel about anyone in a long time, and you’re eating it up.

"Um, so…" You cringe a bit at how canned your questions are. But you've spoken with him for months now, why are you agonizing over every bit of conversation in the context of a date? "What do you do for fun outside of work? I feel like I mostly see you in the scope of your job..."

"Ah, right. Like stalking me at the law library?" He smirks.

"Like picking up cupcake orders for your coworkers," You correct, playfully. "The one time you came over socially so far wasn't for the best of reasons so far…"

"Well, I'm a bit of a homebody. So, nothing that exciting, if I'm being honest. Mostly reading, or watching documentaries or-" Carlyle produces his device from his pocket, scrolling for something before showing you the screen. "Marcus told me not to bring this up on the first date because it's, and I quote, 'lame nerd shit'. However… I have a feeling you'll appreciate it."

The picture this time is what looks to be a screenshot of a video game. It has a soft, cute looking style, with what's probably his tiny, chibi avatar- given the resemblance, save for the cat ears and tail- standing posed in celebration with its arms out. What's of even more interest to you is what's towering behind his avatar though: what looks to be a scale model of the Windrise City Courthouse, composed entirely of pixel materials.

"Oh-!" You exclaim, punched in the gut by the cuteness. "Carlyle, this is absolutely precious!"

"You think so?"

"Yes! This must've taken so much time to make- and so much patience." You go on, zooming in on the image to look at the finer details you can see. "All these immaculate little touches! I'm impressed."

"I'm flattered. But you would know much more about the intricacies of making beautiful things with your hands, I think. I've seen your work."

You can't keep the blood rushing to your face, warming your cheeks with affection. Compliments are always good, but something about having your effort and skill recognized is on a whole different level of warm, fuzzy feelings.

You talk more about your respective hobbies outside of work over your meals. Carlyle speaks a bit about not only the cute sandbox game that he showed you, but some of his other favorite games; as well as his favorite documentaries (crime) and his favorite novels (mysteries), both of which are a bit more what you expected from a lawyer. He even manages to get you to talk about specialty loose leaf tea blends and your admittedly embarrassing interest in trashy, guilty pleasure programs.

"Oh, I've almost forgot," You pick up the paper box containing your secret weapon. "Since it's about time for dessert- you should try this."

"Ah." Carlyle says, accepting the box as you hand it to him. "I had a feeling that's what this was."

"It is. And I hate to inform you, but you're in for it this time."

"Oh? Is that right?" Carlyle chuckles, and dexterously unfolds the top of the box, letting the warm, pleasant smell of fresh baked good escape. "It smells amazing."

There's no doubt in your mind; you’ve made something perfect for him this time, you're sure.

Baking the kardemummabullar went off as well as you can hope for a baking project to go. Meticulously mixed, proved, shaped and cut, then braided and twisted over themselves in intricate, love filled little knots, before you finally baked them off. No glaze or icing in sight- only slivered almonds on top to finish, and a sparse dotting of the typical pearl sugar. You even made sure to pick the one that looked the most beautifully appetizing to go into the box and make the journey here with you.

It’s perfect.

You don't even try to conceal the fact you're watching intensely with an expectant smile, waiting on bated breath.

It takes what feels like a lifetime for him to assess it. It's pure torture.

"...This is good." Carlyle laughs through a partial mouthful, so surprised that he momentarily disregards his table manners. "Really good."

"Haha," You gasp out a laugh, releasing the death grip you had on your cloth napkin."You're not just saying that to be nice?"

"No- you know I would tell you if I didn't like it. Light, not too sweet, strong flavor, pleasant texture. It's like you plucked the perfect dessert for me directly out of my mind." Carlyle says, having to pause to let it sink in himself. “It would honestly be somewhat disturbing, if I didn’t know that’s exactly what you’ve been working to accomplish.”

Laughter spills out of your mouth, unstoppable by the hand that reaches up to hold it back. You don't care if you look like a fool to the stuffy old rich winged folk in the tables around you; you're overwhelmed by this pure sense of satisfaction.

You did it.

You beam, surely glowing incandescently, as you watch Carlyle meticulously finish the whole thing. Your hand curls against your chin, trying to downplay just how ecstatic you’re feeling.

Carlyle's hand gently nudges underneath where your other is idling on the tabletop.

You sit there in pleasant silence, hand in hand, just enjoying the moment together. Normally, your eyes would be drawn to savor the beautiful, sprawling panoramic view while you had ample access to it, but you can’t pull your eyes from the handsome specimen in front of you.

It’s almost like the weight you’ve felt on your chest for the last year has completely evaporated.

For the first time in a long time, you feel light. Warm. Like your heart is full to the brim.

You finally stir as that particular arrangement of jazzy piano music transitions into the next. You regrettably pull your hand from underneath the weight of his hand, the smooth stone surface gliding over your skin as you do.

“We should probably stop camping this table, huh…?” You say, but honestly, you would bask in the moment forever if you could.

Your time at the restaurant comes to an end, and when you exit the elevator at ground level, Carlyle, the gentleman he is, offers to walk you home. Despite you living out of the way of his route back, you took him up on the offer- you just wanted to squeeze every last drop of time with him you could out of tonight. And not just because you’re riding the high of finally making a treat he loves.

You're standing in the alley behind your shop, in front of the stairs that lead up directly to your living space from the street.

“I had a great time tonight.” You say, rusty enough at dating that you don’t really know how to navigate this sort of exchange anymore.

“I’m glad. So did I.” Carlyle stands with his hands in his pockets, looking down at you with the most charming, bright smile. “I particularly enjoyed the dessert.”

“So, are you a convert now?” You smile wide and reach out for his hand, which he readily produces. His fingers fit nicely in yours, and you find your eyes lingering on his lips. “Have you been reformed of your sweet-hating ways?”

“I don’t think I’ll become an enthusiastic dessert person any time soon,” He squeezes your hand lightly, careful not to press too hard with his stone digits, but the points of his claws on the back of your hand feel delightful. “But there is something sweet that I’ve acquired a taste for now.”

The heat of desire is building up in you, concentrating in a heat where your dress shirt collar lays on the back of your neck.

Heavens, you just want him to kiss you.

Maybe if you stare at his mouth a little longer? How else can you hint at what you want? Or you could always just… verbally ask him to… But would that be too forward…?

“Would you like a kiss?” Carlyle asks, seemingly effortlessly.

Of course he asks, just like that. It’s so like him- he’s never indicated that he was anything less than respectful of boundaries.

“Yes!” You blurt out, perhaps too emphatic, but it just makes him grin. “Please.”

Then, mercifully, he leans in and kisses you.

You're standing in the relative quiet of a weekend night in the business district, but fireworks might as well be going off behind you.

You expected his lips to be cold against yours, but you’re pleasantly surprised to find them warm- just like his forehead when you pressed your lips to it yesterday. Firmer than an average numan’s, but still soft and full, with the added novelty of being as smooth as polished stone.

His hand cradles your jaw affectionately, the gentle touch making you want to melt.

As soon as you’re sure you’re not dreaming, your free hand grips his shoulder, crumpling the thin fabric of his dress shirt in your desperately clenching fingers, wordlessly begging for more.

"It's getting a bit late." You say when you finally part, forcing the words out before you can second guess yourself. "Carlyle, Would you perhaps… like to come upstairs?"

He looks at you quizzically with a slight tilt of his head, seemingly trying to make sense of your contradictory statements.

"...For coffee, of course."

"Oh." A light of recognition appears in his eyes. "Absolutely. I'd love to.”

>> ✨ MASTERLIST >> ☕ KO-FI

[thatbtsfan]

Upcoming series: "MUST be LOVE"( 3 parts)

Pairing: Jungkook x redear (Y/n)(f)

genre/rating:m 18+) angst,fluff, smut: emotional, jealousy/jealous.friends to lovers au

Summary: Everything changes when from "friends" it becomes something "else" a party, a hot night and two friends.

⚠️ Warning ⚠️

Mature scene, cursing, vape/ smoking mentions, Partys, flirting, filthy, cocky, arrogant,SMUT

Notes: 3 parts. it will be only three parts of "MUST be LOVE".

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—MUST be LOVE —

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the fact that your friend forced you to this party, where she apparently left you alone in the entire party. it doesn't justify anything you did.

well maybe?

You were a little crazier a month ago, you were childish, you did something bad. but not on purpose!

Never.

you really wanted to help her. because she was ashamed to confess her feelings to her college crush, you took this initial and wrote a letter to her crush. (Saying that she really likes him) but she got very angry with you,like I tried to help you? maybe it wasn't quite decent how I behaved? first of all, it was not my job to get into hers. I’ll be honest but that was in the past. now you have grown up and you will never repeat your mistake!!

Even if a month has passed since then, it's normal to grow up, you're already in your 20s, you can't be so childish anymore!

You was clearly sorry for the strange thing you did!

but that didn't give her any right to leave you alone,you were friends for many years,you were like sisters.

she came to my house, forced me to get dressed, and eventually to get in the car and bring me here! For what? to ignore me afterwards. She just told me that jungkook will be here too.

But you didn't get along with him, for a while. because of his girlfriend, he stopped spending time with you, stopped taking an interest in your life. and then somehow you lost contact in your spare time. because at college you see each other every day! but as on weekends or on days off, he was not there.

before you were always together! if he wasn't at your house, you were at his, watching movies non-stop or playing many different games. telling stories until late at night. you missed all this.

his girlfriend was very beautiful, you never saw her, because he didn't show you or introduce her to you at all. but according to him, she was a beautiful girl. Right? he always talked about her with big and sparkling eyes, maybe this was love? you didn't know because you didn't give the guys around you your time! it was pathetic and there was no point. because your first love was him. and you didn't know what your feelings are! even if you were a good girl, smart and had good grades at school, you were pathetic in love! you didn't know how to love and you didn't even know what that love is,if you never felt it of course!

you had the second glass of wine in your hand. drink nothing but wine. it sounds ridiculous, but you don't like it when someone walks past you and smells like beer, the wine is much finer to your taste. the atmosphere was unpleasant, many people moving their bodies to the rhythm of the music, drinking and smoking. and your discomfort to leave this place as soon as possible was great. just like a sight that caught your eye made you give it up.

jungkook’s friend Taehyung was here, maybe you like him a little.but as a friend,he was a handsome, attractive, smart boy. but he was jungkook's best friend. you knew it would never work

the boy was nice. but they were both friends, and you had something for both of them, jungkook was your first love.your first crush, since you met him in the fifth grade. he was the new kid in town, and he transferred directly to our school. his parents were rich, they could send him to a well-paid school and a higher one. but he was at your school like any other child. at first you thought he was arrogant when you saw that he wasn't even at school on his first day and he already beat two children, later you found out that he protected his sister from those boys. you started watching that cute boy with big and bright eyes every hour at school, his smile reminded you a lot of a bunny. He was soo cute.

later his sister approached you and you started getting to know each other, she was two years younger than you. but that didn't stop you from becoming friends. you were at her house as often as possible, because she loved you a lot. your mother immediately became friends with her mother and after that you stayed with her or her family with you. you saw jungkook more often, and she told you a lot about her brother.

you don't know how this happened but suddenly you and jungkook became good friends. but it happened. you didn't know about him but you liked him a lot, but after spending a lot of time with him, you realized that what you are doing is wrong. he saw you as a good friend and that's it. and after that you buried all your feelings for him. what you were doing was wrong, it was wrong. even if nobody knew that. it was in your heart your imaginations with him your feelings your thoughts about him.

All

you even tried your relationship with taehyung, but it didn’t work. it didn't feel right, it wasn't right what you were doing! maybe you wanted to make jungkook jealous. but you were wrong, he saw you as a friend and that's it. and that you used Tae for that was even more wrong. you felt miserable, that was clear, and then you told Tae that you didn't feel anything for him. that you really tried to love him but it didn’t work. you didn't really suffer because of jungkook, but still his absence was felt.

“Y/n what a surprise, you're here too?”

Oh tae oh

“Yeah I was thinking of leaving. As you can see, I was kind of abandoned.”

I'm really thinking of leaving. but he saw me, so there is no escape. he would never let me go home alone. even if our relationship ended well. we had nothing to talk about. it was uncomfortable and strange, like two exes talking like friends.

“You can always join us, I lost a bet and I have to buy the drinks all night”

"Join us?“

I didn't even realize that the words came out of my mouth, I thought he came alone but he turns around and shows me a table where there were several people . he was also among them, my best friend. Jungkook! maybe i should go home?

but before I have the chance to turn around and leave, he takes me by the shoulders, the drinks on his another hand,and we make our way to the others.

his touch was not uncomfortable, on the contrary, it made me feel less stressed. he was always a sweet boy.

when we reach them, jungkook's eyes are immediately on me. do i look as if I did something bad? is my outfit to blame? but I look decent, my dress is black, up to my thighs I have my favorite pair of boots, and because it's a little colder outside I had my brown coat in my hand.

something changes on his face, he stands up to call me to him. when I get close to him, he takes me in his arms. maybe he missed me like I missed him? and he forces me to sit on the chair next to him.

"did you come alone Y/n?“

in order to be able to whisper softly in my ear, he had to get very close to me. his hand puts a strand behind my ear and he looks me in the eyes with a smile. Was he flirting with me rn?

"No, i came with your sister,but i kinda lost her“

shy I said, looking back into his eyes,he was too close!!! I could feel his fresh minty breath with a little bit of beer on my face. he had been drinking. He is drunk!

it was boring, and late. were they playing truth or dare? and jungkook watched me all night.

"You wanna dance?“

He suddenly asked me.

What? No!

But i answer anyway.

"Okay"

it was clear that he wanted to escape from the crowd, so my hand is pulled by him somewhere secluded. I don't know where the road led, but it seemed to me that it was an upper room.

"Jungkook where are we going?” I'm starting to panic because he's never done this! to take my hand, to come close to me, to filter with me.

"Shhh you'll see"

he was drunk. that was obvious, but why did I let myself be carried away by him? I was stupid, he always gave me false signals, and like a fool I got my hopes up.

he was a boy who, when I told him I needed him, was there. but not for what I really needed! he saw my wounds on the outside, but not the inside ones.

he always broke me into pieces, but he was still the check that held me together. he made me smile, gave me comfort and liked me as I was, childish. I was a child spoiled by my family and when I had to live alone he was there to be my friend, my mother, my father. he was my family. but I consider him the man of my heart, I have loved him since childhood and still could not forget him.

"Y/n go inside!”

“Hmm?”

I didn't even realize when I got to my destination, and jungkook doesn't let me answer, he pushes me inside. he sticks me to the door and slowly approaches me. "Y/n I really want to fuck you"

My eyes widened.

I was shocked!

" you what?”

I couldn't process his words!! he was drunk right? he was not aware of what he is saying!

"I really like you! I've always imagined what it's like to make love to you….. I always imagined you under me! in your bedroom in my bed! always."

if I say I have no words, will you still believe me?

“since when do you have these thoughts about me?”

I couldn't help but ask this!I wanted to know when. this phase has begun!

“when you turned 18, at first I couldn't realize what was happening to me! I thought I was crazy. How can you like your best friend? how can you think such a thing about her? I asked myself every day but the thought of you made me feel good"

he pauses, looks into my eyes and presses his body tighter into mine. and then he continues...

" and then i couldn’t live without seeing Y/n for a day.I was thinking about you, I want you. not for a day nor for a month forever!”

“Jungkook i- we’re best friends?”

but I no longer considered him my friend for so many years, I was in love with him!

But I don't know what I want now. the boy I've liked for so many years, who is apparently my best friend, is he confessing his feelings to me? no his desires more said!

“Fuck this friendship Y/n i want you,for me you’re mine! I tried to distance myself from you, I thought I could forget you but I can't!”

"You have a girlfriend!”

I tried not to fixate on his words. even though I felt my stomach do a flip when he said I was his, I had to be realistic he has a girlfriend!

he takes me by surprise when his lips make contact with mine. he's aggressive and possessive with his movements. his hands are creeping around my waist, his lips are soft and a little sour from the beer. the first time when the smell of beer didn't bother me, it got me drunk too.but this is wrong!

I try to distract him so that he stop ” Jungkook stop! you have a girlfriend!"

“I don’t have a girlfriend. I lied to you Y/n!”

What he doesn’t?

“Why?”

“because I really wanted to forget you! I really wanted to start a relationship with that girl but it didn't work! you were always in my thoughts! I was jealous of you when you went out with Tae! I was jealous that's why I told you I had a girlfriend. but after Tae told me that there was nothing between you, that you doesn't like him.”

“Then why didn’t you tell me?”

“Y/n i’m too drunk to explain now”

he laughed and looked into my eyes for a few seconds before putting his head on my neck and leaving soft kisses. up to my jaw and up to my lips. he was kissing me slowly and gently, I couldn't believe that he was kissing me! is it a dream if it really is then I never want to wake up!

he kissed my neck, feeling how his teeth bit a potion from my neck, I hissed.

but he was quick to kiss the bite he made and lick the place. he continues like this down to the chest, his hands grasp my thighs from the back, lifting me up and placing me on the bed. I was drunk in his smell, in his kisses. everything about him was addicting. he takes the dress off my body and leaves me only in my underwear. it happens quickly, but in his head everything is written well, until he kisses the space between my breasts. until he took them in his hands. it covers them so well that a moan from my mouth is heard.

he arches my back so he can open the bra staples and takes it off. his mouth quickly catches my right nipple in his mouth. he sucks it, bites it, and plays with it, doing the same with the other one. I feel my private part pulsing for more, he goes down with kisses from the stomach to the thighs, his head is in my private part of the body, he kisses my inner thigh and puts the panties aside. I feel his breath on my clit and his finger makes contact with my pussy. One finger and then he adds one more, his mouth plays with my clit. Moans can be heard from my mouth. My heavy breathing, moans and heartbeats could be heard throughout the room. he removes his fingers from my hole and replaces them with his tongue, my hands cling to his hair, and I arch my back because of the sensation and how good he makes me feel!

"Y/n you taste heavenly baby”

“ jungkook i’m -g -going to come ahmm”

but before I came he stopped. frustrated that he is doing this.but he takes off his shirt and pants, his chest was well worked, his abs were well defined and that made me touch them, and that's what I did. he was so handsome. he looks divine and his smell intoxicates me. I quickly change positions and now I'm on top of him. he just smirked. and I kiss him with great passion, he is not the only one who imagined me under him, I did the same! I always wondered how would his dick feel inside me? how would he make love to me? I kiss his neck leaving a few marks on him and go down to his abdomen, I kiss him slowly, but before I reach lower, he leaves me on my back and stands on top of me.

“Y/n I want you. I want to fuck you all night raw, and then make love to you slowly and deeply.”

“Jungkook i want you too”

he takes off our underwear for both of us and positions himself at my entrance. I'm afraid, because it's the first time. and I didn't know how to tell him.

but with all the shame, I put my hands on my face, until he entered me and I told him..

“Jungkook i’m still a virgin.”

he stops what he was going to do and looks at me with soft eyes.

“Its okay my baby I'm going to take you slowly at first, but then, I'm going to fuck you raw. understand?

“Jungkook hmm”

before I could answer his cock was already inside me, he pushed himself gently inside me,all of him.it was painful but also pleasant. the pain was immense but he didn't move so that I could settle down, he kissed me on the forehead and on the lips, he gently pushed into my entrance and a wave of pleasure took control over me. and I tell him that he can move faster. he pushes himself so hard in me that he hits my g-spot countless times. it feels so good that I moan his name many times.

to make it even more intense, he takes my leg and puts it on his shoulder, that's how I feel it even deeper inside me, up to my stomach, it makes me feel so good. he thrusts into me a few more times and I come and tighten my walls around him and he releases in me with a long groan.

“Y/n i fucking love you”

.

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. — MUST be LOVE —

———————————————————————-

End part 1

It will continue

[flowerprincesscherryblossom]

long kiss good bye

pairing: Optional BTS Bias x Female Reader word count: 1375 warnings: angst, first and last kiss AO3 A/N: i was vague when it came to the whole military service stuff because i don't have a big understanding of it, and google can only help so much, so if i made any mistake please forgive me i'm very sleep-deprived (/▽＼) the title comes from the song with the same name by HALCALI Hope you like it and that you have a wonderful day wherever you are💜

You knew this day would come eventually, it had been obvious from the moment the boys expressed that they wanted to serve their country and that they would answer the call if called for.

The back and forth of the government on whether or not they should go was just delaying the inevitable. And in the end, the boys decided for themselves that they would do their military service.

On one hand, you were happy that they had decided instead of being influenced. On the other hand, you couldn't help the depressing thoughts your mind created, all because of him.

This wasn't like when they were on tour, where they would be away for a few months at best but would try to keep in touch with you to the best of their abilities. But now it was a completely different story.

They - he - wouldn't be away for months but for years, almost three to be precise, and you didn't even know if they - he - would be allowed to be in contact.

And maybe, one of the reasons why it hurt so much, was because of you.

You've had the biggest crush on him ever since you met him, a feeling that, if going by the teasing the both of you suffered at hands of the boys, was incredibly likely to be mutual. But even then, neither of you ever took the leap to become more than friends.

The phrase 'better safe than sorry' described you perfectly.

Many were the times where you wanted to take the jump and just press your lips against his, to just take the plunge and finally confess to him.

But there was always something holding you back, something that made you change your mind, every time you tried you'd lose your courage.

So you kept pushing it, more and more, further along into the future. And now it felt like it was too late, he was leaving for years and so much could change during that time.

You couldn't help but wonder if the hurt you felt inside would be much more painful if the two of you were together.

You checked the time on your phone, seeing that it was almost time to say goodbye to the boys, so you decided to get up from lying on self-pity on your couch.

You took a shower and got dressed, choosing to go with a simple hoodie and leggings, spending extra time to hide the bags under your eyes, before leaving your apartment and going towards the BTS dorm rooms, the entire time thinking of the various ways you could've changed the course of history, but only slightly.

Once you got there you found that the car that was going to drive them to the Military Manpower Administration had already arrived, telling you that you had barely made it in time to say goodbye.

As you got closer to the dorm the boys were coming out of the door, dressed to the nines and suitcases in hand, which they settled on the ground once they saw you.

The first one out of the house was also the one that took you in his arms. "Thought you weren't going to come," he squeezed you tighter, barely giving you any room to breathe.

Instead of your usually complaining, however, you simply responded in kind. "Of course I was going to come," today was your last day with them for a long while, and the last thing you wanted was to pretend to throw a temper tantrum. "If I missed, I'd march right there and drag you out just to say goodbye."

He chuckled. "Pretty sure that wouldn't be allowed."

You gave a peck on each side of his cheek before both of you let each other go.

One by one each of the boys received the same treatment - a hug, small banter, and a peck on each cheek - each time you let go of them a part of you felt emptier.

Finally, you got to him, the closer you got to him the louder your heartbeat got.

You wrapped your arms around his neck and he wrapped his around your waist, pulling you closer to him until there was barely any space between you.

Both of you laid your head on each other's shoulders, neither saying a word, for the silence spoke louder. You stood like this for quite some time, neither noticing the other six walking away so that you could have this private moment.

"I'm going to miss," he said, his nails digging into your hips.

"Me too," despite being on the verge of tears, you were trying your best not to cry, even if your voice betrayed you.

He pulled his head away from you, and you did the same, both of you staring into each other's eyes. He dipped you backward, only a smidgen, his face slowly getting closer to yours.

Unfortunately, like every other time, your fears got the better of you.

Your hand slid down from his neck to his chest, putting a stop to everything. "It's not a good idea."

He sighed, closed his eyes, and pressed his forehead against yours. "Why not?"

The sadness in his voice made it harder for you to control your tears. "It will only hurt more."

Both of you stood in silence for a couple of seconds before you felt his lips pecking your forehead, his hands pulling away from you and you do the same, the pain in your heart feeling suffocating.

"See you later," he said with a smile that didn't reach his eyes.

You turned to watch him leave, your nails digging into the palm of your hands.

You didn't want him to go, you wanted him to stay, to be with you. But you wouldn't dare to say what was on your mind, the decision wasn't yours to make. He had made his and you had let your fear of the unknown to make yours. But you didn't want to be like this. You didn't want to be stuck in this 'will they won't they' limbo for three more years.

The boys started entering the car, your tears streaming freely down your cheeks as your legs started moving of their own accord, the heart beating so loud and rapidly that it made you deaf to the other sounds surrounding you.

You yelled out his name, making him turn to look at you.

Once you were close enough, you took hold of his shirt and pulled him down to your level, crashing your lips together.

The shock was quick to pass him, his arms wrapping around your waist and bringing you closer to him as you wrapped yours around his neck.

The kiss was raw and full of passion, both of you pouring every ounce of emotion onto it. The type of kiss that made you feel like you were being swept off your feet and that made time stand still. The type that was exciting and filled you with love, but also sadness for what was to come.

This would be your first and last kiss for years to come, and you wished that it would last forever.

When you separated for breath he leaned his head against yours. "What about the hurt?" he said with a smile on his lips.

"I don't care anymore," you sniffled, a smile forming on your lips as tears streamed down your face. "I just want to be with you."

His hands left your hips and moved towards your face, cradling it as his thumbs wiped away your tears as you saw tears prickling in his eyes.

"I want to be with you too," he pressed a kiss on your head. "I just can't, I have to do this," you hid your face on his chest, squeezing him tightly against you as his fingers ran through your hair. "I'll come back and then, we can talk about us without any interruptions."

You nodded as you pulled away from him, although the words weren't making you feel better, they were, at the very least, a promise of something to come.

You kissed one last time before he entered the car and drove off, leaving you behind in a teary mess.

[ginwhitlock]

9 for edward, 10 for emmett, 54 for jasper, and 65 for all the 3 boys if that's cool :)

Of course, thank you for getting back to me :)

9. (romantic) Favorite way to be touched? Edward's a big hand/face person. You see it with him and Bella, him and Carlisle, him and Esme (at least in my mind). I think maybe it comes from his musicality, the way he always is relying on his hands and his mouth (that sounds dirty I'm sorry) to get out whatever he's feeling, couped inside his head all day. From that comes this wish to be touched, the gentlest of slights, against his brow or his cheek or his knuckles. A soft whisper of a touch, but strong enough to monitor that they're there.

10. Something about their physical appearance they're embarrassed about Emmet's nose is crooked. See-- he's never cared about his size, he knows hes big, he likes that hes big, it makes him intimidating in a way thats entirely truthful from the way he fights to the way he dances, so size has never been an issue with him. Now his face is another story. He takes pride in a lot of things that may make other men pick at themselves, and most things show he's survived, the little marks that still haven't faded after decades of playing life with a rough hand, but when he was changed, everything "imperfect" about his human body washed away in the tide of venom spit and blood. Except his nose. The one he was born now, the off kilter attribute wasn't created by some force of fist but rather a handed down genetic bread basket from his mother, the only real feature he ever got from her, which only makes him a little guilty to admit that he wish the change would've knocked it straight to suit the rest of the "perfect" lines of bone.

54. Are there any emotions they struggle to experience? This might be an odd take, or just straight canon deviance, but I don't think Jasper feels guilt. Like. Well. I think he's felt it, of course, lets hope he has to an extent, but of all the emotions that staved him off from drinking from humans, guilt wasn't one. Fear, anger, hatred, terror, pissing pants emotion, sure. Guilt. No. He gets the sticky tacky treacle molasses syrup-y kind from Edward and Esme and Carlisle all the time, the kind that sticks in his throat and slides down his crystal stomach and tries to heave dryly into the sink. Its a sort of infection, a disease that takes over his whole being for long states, but its not his emotions. Its theirs. He did horrible things, in human and vampire life, but hes almost two hundred years old, he has no guilt for the faceless nameless things he was burdened by god (or the devil depends on his day) to drain for sustenance. It is regret instead, that plagues those days.

65. What does their laughter sound like? (this is my favorite of them I like thinking of my boys happy) Emmett's laugh is like the sound of a large tree limb falling in a full forest, every sound stopping in its abrupt wake. It is like the sound of a ball in an oak barrel, rumbling around each slat as it turns and turns and turns. Emmett's laugh is all consuming, trapping everyone and everything around it when it happens, and it happens often. Like your grandfathers laugh, like a father.

Edward's laugh is like a boat sail being drawn up, thin and white and brittle like rope swinging in the wind. It slices through people, through the air, like a note on his piano. It's almost always from a sharp intake of breath, as if it surprised him to hear it.

Jasper's laugh is a gristly thing full of fat and timber. Its like smoke through the air, soft and patterned, with no distinguishable path. Its warm, until its not, and then it feels like ice shaking around your skull, a tightness overtaking your bones. But most of the time, in the good hours, it is like a blanket of fog, with a compressed sigh, as if he is unimpressed with whatever he found funny in the first place.

[claudiajcregg]

S5 Pregnancy AU - I’d love to hear about!

Welp, this is embarrassing – mostly because this has been sitting in my inbox for almost two weeks, and I kept saying “I need to write something up!” and then… I didn't. (Or rather, I did, then I forgot to post it.) Sorry for the wait, Lil! Thank you for asking <3 (I'll divide this up because I keep writing about the process and how it came to be, instead of any actual, interesting facts.)

I have talked about this one in the past though I don't have a tag for it. The gist is what it says… (Early) S5 but CJ is pregnant. I had this idea over a year ago when I hit mid/late S4 in my rewatch. I thought it'd be interesting to explore some of her disappointment at that time if you added an unexpected pregnancy to it, even if I had the idea before even getting there, lol. Think, the ending-ish of Han, or parts of Disaster Relief. (Both of which do feature! I surprisingly focus a lot on Disaster Relief.)

The thing with S5 is that the timeline is so weird, and I feel I've also created one that isn't entirely realistic but I think it works within the story. (IIRC, the season starts in “May” but also July, then the Shutdown is in November, lmao. A few of the episodes are sneaky two-parters that flow into each other… See 5-6, 7-8.) I've finally gotten out of the no-man's-land I wrote myself into and the next chapter or two, knowing myself, will deal with 7-8! There are a couple of scenes that should be fun to write! (There are so many details I want to mention that are technically spoilers for early twists…)

Every time I had the urge to write it, I'd edit whatever outline I was working in, and though I kept some details… my muse decided to make a big change early on that completely changed the fic's direction. That, and my inability to write anything succinctly. No reason why this story will cross the 100k barrier in a couple of chapters, tops. (It's sitting at 85k across 12 chapters. I think it'll be less than 20 chapters total. Hopefully.)

This might be too long to share snippets, but I've shared some either on the server or here, a couple of months ago.

For more irrelevant details on the “process”…

As I hinted at, I wrote an outline or two around this time last year, because I couldn't stop thinking about it. When I say outlines, it's a general path for the story to follow – ideas, suggestions of dialogue and/or scenes I write to myself; all focused around some sort of chapter structure. I find it much easier to write if I write down where a chapter might go, even if it's just a few lines saying “This happens → then this → finally this;” otherwise, it takes me months. Some would say that I should post it and get encouragement that way but… I hate being dependent on something I can control even less than my muse? That's not for me, thank you. Mad respect for those who work like that.

It was meant to be short – 1-2 “long” chapters per trimester, more if needed, but then interludes in between trimesters. It's not that. Most chapters currently cover 1-2 weeks, but there is not really a pattern. I was afraid of having a fic that would take over my life like the WOWO did three years ago… And it has, but I've also taken breaks and not felt too guilty about them. I definitely don't want this one to sit in my drive and have me wondering what to do with it.

(The novel, aka WOWO, aka IM AU (2021): 150k written in a little over five months, even with extended breaks over the summer. Still hits, even with all its crazy decisions, maybe because of them, but it's also been too long, and it will always remind me of someone who kinda hurt me. Attempts to replace those memories by sharing the story with others, trying to gather whether it's worth posting, have failed, lmao. One day! Maybe!)

But yeah. Uuuuuhhhh. As I've said… Twelve chapters in ten months, 85k words… It's still not done. In fact, I've repeatedly said I am unsure of how to end it (beyond the obvious), but I'd estimate it to be under 20 chapters. I'm not posting it anywhere yet because I want to be able to edit it as a whole and try to make it more consistent; to add little details as I come up with them. There's also the fact that I am not skilled enough to write a compelling story that mixes politics and emotion into something remotely engaging. As a result, the story's politics are very surface-level, and probably repetitive at points, but it's also true I've always been more interested and focused on the emotional journey and the relationship(s) at its center. (Which should surprise exactly no one who's ever read one of my stories.)

But, as critical as I might sound of myself here, I am having fun writing this and I'm committed to seeing it through. I just keep having ideas for stories down the line, putting actual show events through a 'but she also has a kid' perspective.

[littlealeta]

The Sea Beast Review

So I finally got to watch The Sea Beast. It was one of my most anticipated 2022 films. I’m honestly surprised it fell off the radar so fast. Unfortunately, I’m not too disappointed by the lack of attention. The film left so much to be desired that I’m not sure if I would recommend it.

Story

It's the worst. As a whole, it’s just a more basic version of How to Train Your Dragon, but with no explanation as to what started the war between the creatures and the humans. It gets off on a slow start (definitely could’ve been cut 30 or 20 minutes). Third act was the worst part and just full of contrivances. Captain Crow and his mateys somehow find Maisie and Jacob and attacks Red. Maisie trips and almost dies for whatever reason. Captain Crow shamelessly tries to kill his own son for telling him the truth about the beasts. And the entire town just instantly believes Maisie after giving a speech about the innocence of the beast. Because Maisie is a God. She’s never wrong and always solves everything.

Personally, what I think they could’ve done to set it apart from HTTYD a bit is to make Maisie and Jacob both somewhat wrong. Maybe the creatures don’t actually harm people, but they do harm the environment, which caused the fight between them and humans. With Maisie being a Mary-Sue, it would’ve given her some actual flaws to work with as well as strengthening the dynamic between her and Jacob. Which brings me to….

Characters

They’re a mixed bag. I do like a few of them like Captain Crow and Jacob. However, I can’t help but feel that they could’ve been better in a better story. These two headstrong characters bounce off the more idealistic characters well, but they really don’t get much time to shine. Blue is adorable, even though the story never explains where he came from.

But then there’s Maisie. Whom, I thought was going to be this cool, spunky badass kid from the trailers, but I’m sorry. She’s actually kinda annoying. For some reason. She just gives off a lot of precocious vibes, the way this kid talks and uses mannerisms made me cringe, I wouldn’t be surprised if she was secretly some 20/21-year-old in a 8/9 year old body. Her voice actor portrayed her childishness well, but the way she uses snark, how she knows everything, seems to be the only one able to communicate with the beast, comes up with a lot of theories and philosophies too insightful for any under teen year old. She comes off as a kind of arrogant load kid, yet she’s somehow smarter than the adults. Precocious kids are one of my least favorite character types. If you’re going to have a kid act older than their age, either age them up or show us why they were able to grow up so fast.

Animation/Voice Acting

The animation may not really be Spiderverse levels of groundbreaking, but it did have a style that kinda set it apart from other animated films. The voice actors added some charm to their fairly bland characters and did well with what they were given.

Overall

If you’ve seen How to Train Your Dragon, you would’ve already seen a much better written version of The Sea Beast with better pacing and characters and a more complex story. If it was taking a bit of inspiration from HTTYD while changing up some things, it would’ve been okay. But no, it’s pretty much HTTYD, just more basic. And the child protagonist is just Hiccup if he was a Mary-Sue who stole the spotlight from every other character to the point where they never get their chance to shine.

The Sea Beast gets 5.6 bells out of 10.

Ironic how both this and Wendell and Wild have well-regarded directors-screenwriters came out the same year, yet came up with such poorly written scripts. How the guy who did Zootopia, Moana, and Frozen couldn’t come up with anything else boggles my mind. I don’t know what he was trying to do here, but I hope he does better next time because I think some of his work is really quite good.

[breaniebree]

Hi.

I am so fucking sorry if this is weird.

But I stumbled across ASC in one of my old SD cards and couldn’t resist seeing if you’d actually managed to finish that giant story - and apparently you did. Kudos to you.

When I first read ASC I was in a seriously (Siriusly, because that joke is obligatory at this point) bad place. COVID was still in its early stages, I was newly thirteen and had no idea who I was, my anxiety had reached a new high and my OCD ruled my life. I was literally scared to get out of bed and half the time I wouldn’t. I sanitized everything on sight and then some, and it still wasn’t enough to get rid of the crawling feeling inside me. I can now admit that I was depressed. And on top of that I was going through an identity/gender crisis and questioning my sexuality for the first time in my life, hating myself while at it - being an ally is one thing, but being an actual member of the LGBTQ+ community is quite another, especially when you live in an country where being gay isn’t even an option and your mother is homophobic af. Basically I was majorly fucked up.

ASC wasn’t some huge life-changing thing. It was just a random fanfic I found while scrolling through HP tags. I was intrigued, mostly, at this monster of a fic that was over two hundred chapters long, and since I was looking for free books at the time, I gave it a try. Finished the first thirty or so chapters in one sitting. And, once I got over my shock at the sex scenes (I’d never even been on a date and honestly my sexual awakening was partially triggered by this - I was like, ‘If the fact that these people shagged for hours straight, and my only concern is how possible it is to manage that position for any length of time, then I’m probably going to have to sit myself down for a soul-search’) and violent scenes (your mind is a terrifying place and I am sincerely thankful you aren’t planning world domination just yet) I was hooked.

I did comment every now and then, under varying pseudonyms - SavvySpirit was one, obviously. WarrioroftheWolves was another (thirteen-year-old me was obsessed with large predators, mainly since they were everything I wasn’t) and Raindrops & Flowers is quite possibly my least original name ever. There were a few other one-time names I can’t recall. But it was a brief respite in the craziness of ’20 and most of all it was something that was mine - to hold close to my heart, to hate when plot lines threw me for a loop, to cry over and giggle over and laugh over. I printed out the entire thing using my pocket money, in minuscule script and fitting eight pages per sheet, both sides. I think I reread that story at least twice a month - entire thing, back to back as I waited for the next time my parents would let me use the computer for longer than three minutes. I got attached to characters I barely gave second glances to. Viktor. Pansy. Dean. Padma. Mandy. Theo. Him especially, since I relate so much to him it almost hurts to see him hurt.

I stuck with ASC until around the time when Finn died and Ginny was put under bloodlust. I don’t remember exactly why I stopped checking for updates - maybe it was just a lack of time, maybe it was my refilling schedule coupled with my fear of humans. Maybe it was something deeper, who knows. But I stopped at one point and just reread (imo) the best bits every now and then.

I guess, story-wise, things got a little too real too fast for me. I’d known Cedric and Sirius was going to die, and Viktor’s death wasn’t as much of a shock as Finn’s was - because it was so unexpected and so out of the blue (I cried and screamed and cursed your name for thirty minutes straight after that last mo grá. Seriously, Breanie? You just had to go and ruin things just when they were getting good? I was looking forward to seeing Finn’s POV, and seeing them mature and fight over everything from Finn’s overprotectiveness coupled with Theo’s independence to shopping problems and flavours of ice cream, to see them go through troubles and overcome them both individually and as a couple. I was so freaking excited to see more of Tara and your take on a fairy realm, to see how Finn’s pseudo-immortality and Theo’s past demons would come into play. I wanted so much more development on Finn’s character, his flaws and quirks, his skeletons in the closet since we’d never really had his POV. I even had hopes of a storyline where Voldemort tries to get into Tara(because of the so-called immortality, duh) and gets horribly burned in the process. I wanted a Feo love child, dammit(Ciara would be such a cool aunt! And with the Weasleys and Blaise/Draco on one side of the family and Tiernan and the royal court on the other than kid would be the best protected, most spoilt kid in existence). I had hopes, Breanie. Dreams. And you destroyed them all with that single scene.) and so. Fucking. Tragic. And like ten chapters later you put Ginny under bloodlust where she hates Harry and wants to kill him (this was a seriously fucked up idea and I applaud your imagination. And sincerely hope you never become a investigator, because that would be scary.) and I read this bit with my heart in my throat because even if I don’t really like book or movie Hinny(Ginny seems too much of a side character and has so little personality, as I’m sure you know) but I adore fandom Hinny and YOU ARE NOT GOING TO RUIN YET ANOTHER OF MY FAVOURITE SHIPS IN THIS FIC DAMMIT but I chickened out and never read past that to see if she got cured. She did, right? She’s not dying slowly from poison in her bloodstream or anything? Right? Don’t correct me if I’m wrong though, I prefer to remain oblivious and happy in a world where nobody dies and everybody gets therapy.

But anyway, the point of me spilling my life story to you here was to thank you. You may not have intentionally made this fic for me, but it was a lot more effective than most of my therapy sessions since I could get my thoughts and feelings out in a roundabout way. ASC may not be a major part of my life currently, but it’s still a large part of who I am, and I am indebted to you for making this safe space. I turned fifteen and came out as panromantic/asexual. I turned sixteen and came out as a demigirl. I have career aspirations and I’m actually working on them. I’m working on long-term plans, which I never could’ve imagined having three years ago. And though I lost hearing in one ear last month, I didn’t consider ending things, not even once. Still haven’t. I have midterms but I’m not stressing myself to the max over them, and I actually have a social life now. And it’s not all completely thanks to you, but there is still a large part of my sanity that owes itself entirely to the fanfiction writers of 2020. And a slice of that pie is yours. So - thank you. For everything. You’re a truly gifted writer.

And before I forget - does Theo like, ever get closure? Hypothetically the fae have realm glasses. Which might come into use. Can fae get reborn? Just asking.

And does Zee ever date again? Like - I know Sirius was her person, but when the kids get older and she grows older…

One more question: how does someone like Delta turn out to be evil?! She was so freaking supportive when Hermione was researching human rights. Another question: Blaise survives, right? Because that guy is a riot. And another: I reread chapters 200-272 for this and realized that Finn just randomly carries around a pair of golden handcuffs? Like what was the story behind that. Did he get cornered one day and decide that ‘henceforth, I shall carry handcuffs’? And Crouch’s ‘wives’…do Millie and Hestia ever escape? My last random question: whatever happened to Arnold the Pygmy Puff?

Also is there any way I can send you a virtual fruit basket?

Hi, @savvyspirit

Wow! Thank you very much for sharing so much for me. I'm honoured my story had such a profound impact on you personally. Good for you for being honest and open with yourself about who you are. Nothing is more important. Thank you so much for sharing that my story helped you in a roundabout way. That's very cool to hear.

I understand that the story took a darker turn and did get too real too fast, but I do hope you go back to it now that it's complete and now that I'm finishing up the trilogy. Harry and Ginny are definitely getting their happy ending, that I can promise.

Finn was an important part of Theo's life and an important part of the story, but unfortunately he wasn't who Theo was meant to spend his life with. That's someone else and if you keep reading, I promise you'll see him much happier than he ever was with Finn. Yes, he does get closure. As to Zee, well... yes, she does find love (you have to keep reading to find out). Delta aka Belladonna was a lot of fun to have be evil the whole time and you learn more about her how and why as the story goes on. Blaise does survive and we get to know more about him too. Finn carried around handcuffs because he was part of the Royal Guard of Tara. Millie and Hestia do survive. Arnold is still around, promise.

Ha, as to a virtual fruit basket -- I'll take those in story reviews on Ao3 or ff.net please and thanks.

Thank you very much for sharing this with me and I sincerely hope you delve back into the world of ASC because I really do think it's worth it. Thank you!

[honeyymistt]

hi honey! it’s so good to see you again 🫶🏻

i have a bit of a situation and I’d love any words of wisdom from you if you’re willing.

so two years ago, I met someone and quickly developed a crush on her. a few months after we met, I confessed to her and she said that she didn’t think she had feelings for me and that she would like to remain friends. I was totally fine with that, so the next year was fine. she went abroad for school the year later.

now she’s back and we are co-running a dance club at school together so we are spending a lot of time working together. we have a bunch of mutual friends now so every so often she comes over to my apartment since she’s friends with all of my roommates too. we eat meals together and talk a lot and we make each other laugh.

long story (relatively) short, my feelings for her have returned and multiplied by like a million. I say “returned” like they left but I’m not sure if they ever did honestly. anyway I feel like confessing to her again wouldn’t be the best move, but I feel like, in both the best and worst possible way, I’m going to EXPLODE!!! I’ve been thinking about so many things lately and how me and her are running out of time (we are both graduating in the spring) and I think that sense of urgency is contributing to my want to do something about this.

I can’t know exactly how she feels because I am not inside her brain. all I know is that when anyone mentions love or the future, I automatically and unconsciously picture her. it’s a little pathetic tbh. but I’ve accepted the strength of my feelings and I need a way to express them or at least control them. I guess I’m writing to you for any advice you may have regarding this.

tldr: too much love. not enough time or ability to express.

sorry for the super long message but I’m not sure what to do. thank you so much :) hope you’re doing well

hi lovey!! thank you, it’s so nice to be back <3

this is a such a sweet message. so many people would love to be talked about the way you talk about her. she’s a lucky girl!!!! i always think that clear communication is the way to go. these feelings are a LOT to handle, and if pouring your heart out to her is going to make you feel better then i think, why not? if you don’t think that she feels the same way, you’ll obviously have to structure your confession as just that - a confession. but if you have a feeling that maybe she likes you back, then you could explain it and see if she can confirm it or clear it up. like you mentioned at the end, “too much love. not enough time or ability to express.” i think communication can do wonders for this situation. if she likes you back, then yay!! go on a date!! if she doesn’t, then you move on with acceptance because you did all you could do.

you could always say something along the lines of i know that i already told you this a year ago but i still have feelings for you. i feel like you deserve to know because we hang out so often and because we’re running the club together. i respect if you don’t feel the same way and i want you to know that i’m not going to jeopardize the club or drag in mutual friends. if you don’t feel the same way, i understand and i won’t act on it. i really admire you and i just need to let you know to get it off my chest. (you can adjust this according to how you guys talk to each other and add more details to explain yourself)

i don’t want to say this because it might give you false hope but this is just something to keep in mind. feelings can change. and i say this for both your feelings, and hers. my boyfriend and i went on a date last year and nothing came out of it. we went on a date almost a year later (a few months ago) and it was completely different and we’re dating now. people change, circumstances change and feelings change. just remember that!!

i think that everyone deserves to feel love and confessing could get you closer to that - love with her, or love with someone else. regardless, the choice is entirely yours and i trust that you’ll make the right decision. i can tell that you have a heart of gold, my sweet anon. i am sending you courage and support!!!! i’d love to know what you decide to do and what the outcome is. my inbox will remain open and i’ll always be here. <3