#i feel like i forgot how to draw but thats not gonna stop me

[litta-jpg]

missed drawing yj so muchhh

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

[triangleguy]

Okay im gonna rant about the book of bill for a second. spoilers under cut

ok This⬇️.

is like the most insane thing it couldve started with because it DOES feel like this was made for me specifically. like the experience of reading this book has been like no other. my god.

i gotta say that Hey remember how when i was really into gf and posting about it a lot i was like "wow i think i do a really good job with characterization in my fanart/posts Especially with bill!!" i was right to have such a huge ego about that because there are multiple instances of things i drew over a year ago lining up really well with stuff from the book. like

⬆️Above screenshot referencing a bit in the book about him being in a milkshake machine and it immediately just made me think of that post i made about how if you put bill in a blender he would spin really fast until it breaks and when he flies out of it he just barely misses chopping your head off. im so good at this.

ALSO. THERE IS SO MUCH STRAIGHT UP HORROR SHIT IN THIS BOOK I COULD NOT BE HAPPIER. my favorite part of journal 3 is after fiddleford quits the project and ford is alone and being all paranoid and freaking out CONSTANTLY its sooooooo good. AND THEY ADDED MORE OF THAT EXACT THING. this is probably my favorite example its so good i need to draw something about it

thats basically what i have to say for now. i cant stop thinking about this its so good. i may post more but i forgot to eat and its been like 12 hours so i need to go to bed. i leave you with this:

[justin-chapmanswers]

hi justin! im an older fan here, been watching since i wasssss..... 8? 9? old enough to see s2e8 come out, thats for sure! i fell behind with ii3 though, stopped keeping up past episode 4 due to... well, i dont remember, haha... anyways, i met a newer fan IRL today and they convinced me to get caught up! so i did. In one day. since its been a while, i forgot that doing that would be an emotional roller-coaster and it Was.

As im sending this im Fresh out of the experience so that being said this is gonna be so incomprehensible

balloon and nickel especially. i remember coming home from school excited to see "kick the bucket part 2" drop and i was DEVASTATED. i really loved suitcase, and the alliance, and balloon and dearly wished that they could all get along as a kid! seeing balloon and nickels relationship develop in ii3, especially now that im older and can understand things clearly, was refreshing and interesting to watch! but that suitcase appearance.... i dont even know what to say. It was executed so well, it was the perfect punch in the gut. Im excited to see where these two go from this point, especially with what bot told them. SPEAKING of which!

Bot. Bot bot bot. ohhhhh my gosh bot. im. AUGH. Ok sooo... paintbrush kinda was my nonbinary awakening! so seeing bots identity develop, seeing their relationship with test tube develop, with a queer-coded narrative unfolding, it had me screaming into my hands a lot!!! i literally screamed and pointed at their little drawing when i saw their pronouns! it was sad to see them go, but man, you guys manage to put me back together with just two words from test tube. "It's... you." oh, to say so much by saying so little! i hope to see more from the two of them in side content like the comics, and hopefully fan too!

tl;dr how does it feel knowing you made the most emotionally destructive episode an episode with a cartoony spring as a cereal mascot as the main antagonist. good job and thank you by the way

Thank you for the super super super sweet message!!!! So glad that you've been able to connect with PB and Bot, they mean a lot to me, as well! Good news is, I don't think we're done with any of the contestants 100% quite yet, more adventures to come! :D

And some of my favorite kinds of episodes are the ones that mesh hyper-silly and hyper-dramatic. Always so excited to see them come together in cases like these! Keep ooooon springin'!

[amigac0debasic13]

hey guys. Do u even care about what I have to say. Thats right baby. It’s a mini rant. Young Garmadon edition and the horrors of white boy Star Wars core.

Okay so. Erm.? I don’t like garmadons child design in the show. This guy is way too twink coded as a young adult for me and that’s wrong. He’s a beast. And also))??? Lots of paragraphs on Wu depression. Thats the synopsis now look below for further horro r

Hello??? Dang man tatooine is calling ???? IM. SORRY THAT WAS MEAN. I’ve always felt like the spinjitzu bro books did a better job with his design, but brunette just isn’t it. Black hair. Right now. Make it naturally white but also make him fucjing stupid so he dyes it with Ink because he doesn’t want whit4 hair cause he’s DUMB.

Look alive. Make him wear a ponytail and give him the black dyed hair COWARDS.

Anyways that parts over. Now I’m going to talk about my issues with how people draw him in his human form a lot.

I feel like the twinkification is real. All human designs I’ve found of Garmadon that don’t use legos ambiguous yellow color are pasty white and this madness must STOP!!! I think if u wanna make him a cracker it’s ok. It’s fine. But it is a little boring seeing the same designs scatter my Garmadon picture wall(/J I DONT HABE THA)

‘And also while I’m at it, I’m gonna be real and say that any design for wu in the series is pretty good. Still mad he looks like a normal guy. TBH. Many fan designs give him more dragon like traits, and I think that’s so cool, but I’ve always had a specific idea I’ve never seen executed personally. I think Wu would chop his horns off if he had them permanently out.

Wu clearly isn’t a fan of just showing off his dragon or Oni traits. He straight up doesn’t do it, even as a kid (he should honestly be shown with those traits cause he really doesn’t give a fuck as a child) and I believe that his tormented old man position (see the many drawings and tweets from the shows authors and writers) he wouldn’t exactly be drawn to having his traits on display. The completely reasonable solution? Scar himself permanently by wacking them off with a blade. Sounds like something he’d do in young adult hood. His horns being out insinuates he can’t just shapeshift to make them go away, so erm!! Pretty smart solution ngl!!!

‘’Now it’s time for Wu trauma oooooooo!!!!! Oh my god part of his soul is GONE????

In one of the spinjitzu bro books Wus soul is forced into a little puppet. At the end of the book, the puppet is still alive and moving. When the ninja ask to see a puppet show before Wu recounts this, he has a physical reaction.

so. Wu is having a great time. Also, in one of the comics (forgot the name and I can’t for the LIFE OF ME remember where I read this) he confronts. Basically the embodiment of his fears. Basically he doesn’t want to become like his SHIT father who is literally god. leave him ALONE.

So. Uhm. In conclusion. Whirlwind (wus canon nickname) and Softie (Garmadons canon nickname) need to get their shit together <33333333

[theoceantot]

Chapter 2

After a lot of walking the two saw the butterfly estate. You loved how big and pretty the house looked.

"Is so big and pwetty"

Before Shinobu could stop her You ran into a Wisteria tree and started to smell all of it. To her shock you weren't affected at all by it in fact you seemed more relaxed.

"Now Now its late and baby's need their sleep" Shinobu said and took your hand leading you into the estate.

Y/n wasn't used to being in a house this big. She's always been poor and never even knew the luxury of having three meals a day.

"You need to hold my hand so you don't get lost okay?"

"Okays"

'How'd she know I was gonna run off?'

Shinobu led you into a spare room and put multiple drapes over the window so the sun wouldn't burn you in the morning.

"Let's get you into bed shall we"

You were gonna protest but the yawns came out to quickly. Shinobu took off your clothes and put you in some comfy pajamas.

"Are you feeling comfy butterfly?"

You sleepily nodded your head and crawled under the covers. Shinobu was about to leave until she heard you cry and start to reach out to her.

"No leave me please stay"

"Relax I'm not going anymore"

Shinobu got into bed next to you suprissd to see you cuddling into her. You warmed up to her that fast? You've only just met. Shinobu didn't complain and allowed you to cling onto her for the rest of the night.

"Master?"

Shinobu was spoken awake by Kanao.

"Are you aware there's a demon next to you"

"Yes I'm aware Kanao so please put your sword down"

Kanao nodded and put her sword away. Shinobu gently shook you awake causing you to wake up crying.

"I sowwy no hwurt"

"You're okay butterfly you're safe. Can I touch you?" Shinobu softly said not to scare you.

Y/n nodded and Shinobu pet your cheeck with her small hand. You loved this affection so much that you grabbed her hand and tried putting it into your mouth.

Kanao was about to draw her sword when Shinobu stopped her. Y/n wasn't trying to eat her. Biting was just the littles love language. She kept doing this until she held Shinobus arm like she was scared of her leaving.

A confused Kanao asked. "Shinobu why is she acting like an infant"

At this point you were regressed to early infant years so you didn't understand a word she said.

"Kanao, do you remember when we talked about age regression in your psychology class?"

Kanao shook her head embarrassed that she forgot.

"Ahe regression is when someone reverts back to a younger state of mind"

Kanao looked at how you flapped your hands around and laughed then sticking your thumb into your mouth. Shinobu saw and quickly pulled your thumb out.

"Thats a no no butterfly. We wouldn't want you getting sick would we?"

Y/n didn't like this one bit and began to loudly cry. She wished she would have brought her paci with when she ran away.

Your loud crying attracted the attention of Aoi who rushed in the room seeing what was happening

"Is that a demon?! Why is she crying?!" Aoi panicked.

"Aoi, do you have an adult pacifier?" Shinobu asked.

She nodded and went to retrieve it.

This seemed to calm you down a bit and you three waited patiently for Aoi to come back.

"Here you go little demon"

Aoi handed you the paci and you instantly put it in your mouth and began to suckle on it.

"See all better!"

Aoi sighed in relief.

"Thank god I picked up those pacifiers just in case we had any littles"

Kanao and Shinobu nodded and watched you start hitting the bed laughing. Not only were you an age regressor but the three of them also suspected you had autism now too. With the stimming and not liking being touched. Both kept in mind to be really gentle with you.

"Shinobu, how are you gonna tell everyone else about this?! Do you really think Master will allow this" Aoi questioned. Her eyes widened as she saw your arm. There was a cut on your arm and it looked fresh. 'She must be pretty weak if she hasn't even regenerated yet'

Shinobu giggled. "Y/n is harmless. Her wounds from yesterday haven't even fully healed but I'm pretty sure you already knew that" Aoi nodded taking one last look at you before checking on the other patients.

"Shouldn't we set up a room for Y/n since she's gonna be staying with us?" Kanao asked.

"I suppose we should. We'll wait until it's night to go shopping so Y/n can pick whatever she wants" Shinobu said and gently pinched your cheeks. You giggle and gently patted her cheeks making you and her giggle.

~

𝑻𝒂𝒔𝒉𝒊𝒐 𝑺𝒆𝒄𝒓𝒆𝒕𝒔

•Kanao doesn't fully understand age regression yet

•Throughout the day you followed Shinobu like a duckling

•You were nervous around Kanao at first but quickly warmed up to her

•Aoi intimated you

[xerayn]

My first thoughts of Missing Link (from the trailer I watched twenty minutes ago (I'm only just up and going insane what about it)):

What. How. So pretty

Astral plane??? OH FLIP ITS REALITY

A map of the world? Ohhh so we can play at home but still travel nice

These Words Are Going Too Fast For Me To Catch Up Please Stop Talking And Putting Phrases Up At The Same Time

Girl??? Hello??? Skuld 2.0??? Kinda looks like my old key kid and I don't know how I feel about that. Cool red tho

Gameplay looks alright, gonna burn my phone

BOY??? WHO ARE YOU?? Axel?? (Gives me vibes of Xigbar tho?)

Heartless nice

Pretty city

Ah of course the stained glass. Really cool though

2024 LETS GOOO

Beta test, for UK YO THATS ME

Need to check website. Where Is It

Found it. Oh its for 18 plus

I'm a minor

Sigh

The one time UK is mentioned

Sigh

Alright time to draw

Oh

Oh

Long hair??

Also why do we look so bad

We're boring help

Alright stay sane stay sane your family doesn't like you talking about it anyway

Time to scream on the Internet instead

Oh that's why Mickey went to Scala to find this history to FIND SORA because this period DEALS WITH REALITY AND UNREALITY EVERYTHING MAKES SENSE

Why is this period forgotten tho? Hopefully not for sad reasons (who am I kidding it is and I love it)

I almost forgot the star reference I LOVE STARS

That's all

[mochinon-yah]

NUUU ITS OKEY NWS!! i've been like off-and-online sporadically but anyway coughs

yeee!!! i hope that you're able to get some time to yourself so you can do the things you enjoy heheheh (speaking of which, what are some of your fave manwhas? i need some new ones to read ;-;) but good luck with that project!

(dw i got scratched by a cat too a couple times)

YE CATBEDO!!

fr tho, i feel like he'd be a lot clingier than he normally is? especially when i'm off doing my own thing like drawing or sewing. he'd probably mess around with my art supplies at some point just out of spite /aff. "oh, i see you. you're just being cheeky."

or "i just saw you knock over my paint, don't act all cute, mister."

methinks he's not very subtle smh. i just happened to be looking jskfjsbfhs

but anyway! i'd love to learn how to drive someday, but now since i'm too anxious and i get like very overwhelmed easily guh ;3; (night drives are scary, thats why i'm usually the passenger princess + im not expected to drive but my bf said he'd teach me someday. man drives like a grandma tho JFKSNFBS)

oho icic well im slowlyyyy falling down the hsr rabbit hole bc of sunday and jiaoqiu so im like on the brink of becoming obsessed hehe

THIS IS SO LATE VIVI, I'M SORRY 😭😭😭

I got too busy with life and i forgot that you actually sent an ask 😭😭 i even forgot fish's ask hdhdhdjdjd my bad everyone, i'm not one to engange in social interactions all the time so maybe that's why i forgot orz

Anyway, moving on to the ask-

After this really busy project of mine, i'm finally able to get some me time to myself! Actually, tomorrow, i'm going to go to a haunted house near the place i live with my friends jdnddnhdjdj we've been wanting to go there but yea life got busy and the plan got postponed

But finally!!!! I am going 🤩💪

I HAVE A LOT OF FAVE MANWHAS ACTUALLY!!! Omg i don't have a lot of people to talk abt this with, but i need your fave genre of manwhas so i can recommend something that you'd like!

Catbedo.... i can totally imagine that 😆

I bet he really just annoys you on purpose so he could get attention lol, i can see him be all "what? i'm not doing anything, what do you i'm bothering you?" He's becoming so cheeky after meeting you, it's wild 😭

LMAOOO YEAH YEAH he's not very subtle but your observation skill is literally on top, so you just sometimes see him be a mess of a man and you can't help but to laugh bdnsjsjjdns

OH imagine if that's what makes him so interested in you!! He did something dumb cute -> you saw and laughed silently -> he's curious as to who saw that (σ≧▽≦)σ i think that'd be such a cute fluff story!!

but anyway! i'd love to learn how to drive someday, but now since i'm too anxious and i get like very overwhelmed easily guh ;3; (night drives are scary, thats why i'm usually the passenger princess + im not expected to drive but my bf said he'd teach me someday. man drives like a grandma tho JFKSNFBS)

Honestly being anxious to drive is so normal, so don't worry about it vivi!! Idk about the place you live in, but if you wanna drive, you should learn it continuously without stopping so your brain doesn't forget! If i remember correctly, my brother learned how to drive in one week (like actually driving a car and all that) continuously, because if he did stop, he could forget some stuff :o so i kinds think it's a matter of do u want to do it or do you reeeeaalllyyy want to do it?

Well, all in all, good luck vivi!!! (Before moving on to the last topic, i gotta mention the way you said ur bf drives like a grandma and laugh at it for a while LMAO)

Oh yk i can see why you'd like sunday and jiaoqiu, they both have similar vibe with each other 😭😭 do u perhaps like to simp for sussy guys- i mean, yeah, me too bestie- *coughs* the hsr rabbit hole is not gonna swallow you itself, so take ur time lmao once you're in, it's gonna be hard to get out 😆

[quietbluejay]

Ahriman Exile Reread 2

First, let's hear from Past Bluejay

thank you for your words of wisdom, past bluejay. Now, onwards with the reread Wait, I forgot to warn, spoilers up to Ahriman: Eternal, not a lot but I do reference a big twist as well as some characters' fates

part 2 time astraeos and his bros are arguing space marine style

yes truly the best way e_e ok so carmenta gave them all bionic eyes to replace the ones that got eaten carmenta continues to be the best "salvation demands loyalty"

because, as terrible as they can be you don't want to see what they will become without the oaths "oaths did not require trust, that was a truth the imperium had taught him" they all know this will end badly but the only other option is to let go of the thing they're clinging to and meanwhile ahriman is crashing after the combat/magic high and is feeling guilty okay straight up suicide ideation see what i mean, he needs to be transplanted into an entirely different universe and put in horse plinko there failing that, i still think a sun lamp and cat would help time for ahriman to spend time with tolbek's rubricae i'm sure this will help cheer him up

yeahhhh

ow that hurts

"they will never be my slaves" thats not gonna last long thidias and kadin (the other two space marines, astraeos' brothers) are still arguing choked voice im fine

;-; ok an aside but i do love the environment French sets up everything is set in an everlasting gloom, all there is is metal and wires (and human flesh) (and frost) it is an existence divorced from the light of the sun and the stars and anything natural Oh yeah so Maroth summoned a daemon into Cadars body (another one of astraeos brothers) Astraeos: I can save him…

Ahriman, having rubric flashbacks: hey that’s hell you’re walking into Time for Ahriman and Carmenta to have a chat about her mind linking with her ship and how dangerous it is Ahriman: I’m not gonna judge you tho I’m not that much of a hypocrite The whole conversation is great, I just don't have anything more to say about it than that!

and we're at trust again Carmenta wanting to trust ahriman time for ahriman to go into his mind palace the only place in this story world with light and natural things

time for ahriman to teach astraeos the deeper magical mysteries man warp juice really is a drug, it's not just ahriman astraeos has the same reaction ahriman: it's all my faullltttt

this, too, is overwhelming pride assuming you are the worst ever and responsible for everything, is just as much pride as assuming you are the best to believe that you are alone the architect of everything it's a terrible defence against the thought that maybe you couldn't have done anything at all ahriman is trapped in the "im the worst/im the best" cycle

it's a hard thing to accept because it means you didn't have the control you thought you did over the situation

gee i wonder what might be a theme like half the cast gets bad feelings abot this the entire psychic part of the cast do they stop? no lol Ahriman answer questions or draw 20 lol this book in a nutshell:

mysterious voice in ahriman's head: you don't need your sword

oh hey the oracle is an old friend used to be a comrade now is like 100 floating eyes ahriman: i have questions menkaura: everyone does ahriman, internally: phew, you know what, my life may suck but at least im not this guy

literally EVERYONE calls ahriman out

to be honest, it's why i was basically done with the series (before the third book even) because it was just the same thing over and over again the supporting cast was what kept me but like, essentially ahriman's character arc is done in book 1 this is what i mean when i say i don't think ahriman can be fixed, i think even if there was irrefutable proof that he'd been puppeted by tzeentch, he would just refuse to see it though he's not quite there yet at this point i think he could probably have been fixed in this book unfortunately this is wh40k and this is his negative character arc "ask yourself what you truly wish to know: the truth, or the lie that forgives you your choices?" man

okay, hear me out how to fix ahriman and save astraeos, carmenta, and astraeos' bros: warp storm causes them to time travel a lot further than intended i kind of want to throw them at a potential blorbo (next book i might be reading) but idk enough about him yet to see if he's actually valid, i have a few ideas for him (it's tax evasion pirate man, the meme the legend, the guy named after one of the best great lakes) okay I'm memeing here but astraeos thinks about ahriman's eyes in order to calm down because he's getting magic headaches man everyone thinks about ahriman's eyes so much

ahriman: so who is hunting me menkaura: lol the list of who isn't is shorter menkaura: so why didn't you let yourself die ahriman: i still allow myself to hope rare mental health W for ahriman unfortunately it's…. note from future bluejay: past bluejay did not finish this thought. I am consumed with curiosity

anyways time for ahriman to actually explain what's going on

so no one told you life was gonna be this wayyy lmaoo his method is to project his memories into their minds man will do literally anything to avoid explaining with his words

oh, ouch, the last thing Magnus said to him before banishing him was "You are the best of my sons, you always were" moment of silence after the memory ends where everyone is trying to mentally process this, ahriman smiles weakly man, he'd be so great in another setting, unfortunately he's here

hope disguised as arrogance ahriman you are KILLING ME with your lack of critical thinking skills and inability to apply lessons you previously learned wails and grabs hair repeated eye motifs specifically removing eyes ….i've connected the dots

groans oh no not again i am deeply tired of human fat burning owo kadin pov

in the end ahriman just jumps from one type of pride to another with no stops in between to learn humility but also i mean it's hard when there are forces (tzeentch) that are actively (tzeentch) poking him into this shape honestly, i am starting to get a bit fed up with him, though it's idw optimus but less rage inducing (because it's better writing lol) and i get that it's part of the point of the setting but there's only so much i can take of this cycle tbh i knew i'd hit this point eventually, it's just making it frustrating at times to read his POV mainly because I know what's coming lol ahriman and kadin think the same thing about astraeos

at least astraeos does get out of the cycle eventually oh boy horror movie time in the dark meanwhile, ahriman summons a daemon with astraeos' help daemon is fun takes the form of his dead brother and then goes through how he died

sassy

rip ahriman, got outplayed ah, tzeentchians so, Amon knew he was going to summon this daemon, so he summoned it first and put a binding on it so it would kill Ahriman when he summoned it thidias dies a hero so he won't become a villain ;-; Carmenta once again saves the day and everyone* *except Thidias and also arguably Kadin who got double possessed

interesting ahriman's experience with the dark mechanicum is that they tend to lose their emotions and humanity vs carmenta who is becoming more emotional the longer she mind melds with her ship more light motifs so, astraeos wants answer about why his brothers died, or worse than died ahriman: i made a mistake astraeos: just one? owo a hint astraeos' chapter gets special darkvision powers now which primarch could be their founder….. next up ahriman: let's steal ourselves a navigator

I return to Ahriman and hey it’s Iobel my beloved This is wild

And also setup for the astraeos thing

And now cut to Astraeos going “this is a bad idea” Note he and Ahriman are now wearing blue armour, this may be relevant if I ever do time travel fic

Really getting Star Wars vibes from this The -hahahaha - the rebel ship going dark and waiting for the imperials to board and investigate so they can retrieve/kidnap someone on board Ahriman has been way out of it enough for the inquisition to pop up and him to have no clue who they are Okay we know Astraeos eyes are green Didn’t expect that

Iobel!

Ahriman once again passes out And gets badly injured Not in that order If I had a nickel for every time Ahriman has passed out in a novel, I’d have…probably at least 50c? Time for time shenanigans

Man everyone gets poetic about ahriman's eyes. I like Silvanus (kidnapped navigator) well enough but I don't have super strong feelings about him.

Who are you and what did you do with Ahriman

...

Yeah. I want to strangle you a bit lol In the end it is his untempered virtues that note from future bluejay: I left this sentence unfinished WHERE WAS I GOING WITH IT??? Meanwhile Carmenta panics

Annnd that’s when she decides to betray Ahriman

Ahriman is Tired Also he’s a bird furry Classic tzeentchian Annnd Amon decides to reward Carmenta by killing her Rip

The repeated theme of either becoming monstrous or dying

Ayyy she’s alive RIP Silvanus for finding her this has not been his day his week, his month or even his year Also I misremembered! Ahriman was not in fact chained to the ceiling naked he gets to wear a tunic So, amon's plan is to kill all the remaining thousand sons with the rubric

To be continued...

[theodoraflowerday]

young royals s3e4 episode reaction

okay, this is already stressful

you know what? linda makes sense. i do think they should move. they have the settlement money, i understand community is important but they're all sooooo far beyond thinking of just community. for safety reasons they really should move.

"the police can't do anything?" bro can't you? you're the goddamn crown prince???? do something??????

"had they done this to me they would've seen it as a threat to the nation" YEAH WELL I MEAN

"and you're my boyfriend, so" ok

listen I understand this is serious

but every time they call each other boyfriend my brain goes into hibernation mode and I can't focus on anything else

they're BOYFRIENDS

aaaaaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

"I'll talk to the royal court" THANKS WILLE

though tbf I feel like the royal court might agree that they should probably move lol

like if i had that kinda money and I knew my kids were in danger I'd be leaving the goddamn country

of course vincent is drawing a dick in the sand. that man is just *so* predictable lmao

oh man in all this I forgot about the bitter divorce plot between felice and sara

ISN'T THERE A CONFLICT OF INTEREST oh boy vincent if you Knew

NOT SIMON SAYING HE'D PREFER A DEMOCRATICALLY ELECTED HEAD OF STATE IN FRONT OF HIS BOYFRIEND, THE FUTURE NON-DEMOCRATICALLY ELECTED HEAD OF STATE

LMFAAAAOOOOOOOFKDLFJDKFJSLFJSLFJDLFKSL

"you're so fucking pathetic" "😘" okay that was the funniest exchange in the planet

like. fuck vincent. all my homies hate vincent. but my man is so goddamn hilarious even when he's being a pathetic dick

NOT VINCENT KSKFKSKFLSKFDKJFDKKF STOP THATS HILARIOUS

I can excuse demonstrations but I draw the line at them being done by poor people

oh. oh SHIT

OH SHIT

"can you?" oh FUCK

oh this is insane I can't believe they're having this conversation

YOU SOUND LIKE JAN-OLOF AAHSKFJDKFJDKFJDKF

oh baby that is Not a real job jdkgjfkgjdkgjdkf

dya think edvin was like saying those lines thru his teeth like "yes the monarchy is good and has a place in modern society actually"

ugh I want wilmon to be endgame so fucking bad but the more this season goes on the more I'm realizing they're simply too incompatible and idk how they're gonna solve this unless one of them compromises way too fuckin much

#abdication pls tho

what kind of life is that? 😭

"it's a privilege not a punishment" ok mr kristina

tbf to simon i feel like if i was already anti monarchy and started dating the crown prince whose life problems begin and end with the monarchy I would be even MORE for abolition.

like before it was more of a general sense. now it's fuckin personal. free wille

shouldn't they exclude the literal future king of sweden from this exercise about future?? like we all already know what he's gonna end up doing lol.

god this is gonna be so bad

who's this flustered ass boy and what did he do with cunt august???

YOU NEED TO HELP SIMON - ok

that felt too easy?

oh. okay I'm sorry is ludwig not his own person? can't he attend his own son's damn birthday???

AND AUGUST????????????? YOU CAN'T BE FR

every time farima is on screen it takes another year off my life

until jan-olof pointed it out I didn't notice how genuinely unsafe the eriksson house is but damn

simon said "okay" way too easily. I don't like that.

I mean like, honestly, farima is right and he needs to lay low, but also I know simon isn't gonna do that shit and it worries me

they keep having these absurdly serious conversations and it keeps Not blowing up and I'm afraid when it blows up it's gonna be super ugly

I like simon's idea of mental health in young people tho! I get what he means re: lgbtq+ issues but I also think wille is right in that he can't represent all ~the queers just bc he's in love with a boy yk

I get them both and they both have their merits. I also think wille is making a huge change just by being out and I'd be really fuckin annoyed if I was a public figure and had to do shit for the queers just bc i was also queer like no. idk. i get them both. I'm more on wille's side on this one.

but also fuck that thing about supporting lgbtq+ issues being a political statement. I hate that he's right. it shouldn't be political.

NOT GOING ON STRIKE JSKFJDKFJDKFUDKFJ DISGUSTING

vincent is such a lil bitch

if i were simon i would literally just. take the bus back home. that's it fuck them rich kids I can't deal with the bullshit.

SO YOU CAN ONLY TAKE A STAND WHEN IT DOESN'T COST YOU ANYTHING????????

BROOIFJDLFJDKFJDKFJDK WRECK HIM SIMON

god that was delightful. it was a delight. i need simon to keep this specific energy all the time because oh my god this episode is incredible.

oh and he's also wrecking sara? can we bring the other guy back so he can, in colombian, cantarle las verdades en la cara? like simon has enough fists for everyone. bring the queen in. bring fuckin erik so he can tell him off for dying

the strike looks very cozy. i wish real strikes looked like that. rich people are so funny.

so lady from the incredibles' response is to starve a bunch of rich kids including the crown prince? is she aware of the consequences of that?

oh he gave up

JALFJSLFK FOR A LOLLIPOP?

I love rich kids. they're so funny. so stupid.

"don't you find it nice to be hungry sometimes?" FIND A GODDAMN THERAPIST AUGUST. JESUS CHRIST.

"that sounds like an eating disorder" FINALLY. MY FUCKING GOD.

they do kinda sound like a fun group of friends. that was a bit of a genuine moment. I liked that.

aaaand back at being snakes. gr8.

awww my babies who are total opposites

wilhelm could really learn more from simon actually

OH NO HE'S SO HUNGRY DKFIDIFIDU

THREE HUNDRED CROWNS SJDLSJFIDJFKSJFLSJFLSUFODJFOSKDL

STOODKGLDJGLDIG

THAT'S LIKE LORD OF THE FLIES IN THERE THEYRE GONNA MURDER AUGUST AND EAT HIM

JDKFJSKFJSKFJSKFKDKFJDLFKDK FREDRIKA

NOT DICKS OUT FOR HILLERSKA IM LOSING MY MISNFKDLFKDKFKDLFKFLGKFLFKFLFKDLFK

like a pair of lil street urchins, those two. I love them

"did you sleep well?" "no. did you?" "no" my BABY BOYS

NOT CLUTCHING THE CHIPS TO HIS CHEST SJFKDJFKSJFLSKFLDK

hm. so a group of people striking actually got what they wanted? Wonder if there's any lesson to learn.

IN A BATHROOM? are they gonna KISS???

"I'm so thankful you were my first real friend" oh. my god.

i have managed to make it fully unscathed so far but that simple sentence sent me into a sobbing spiral oh my god

oh go d

"since when do you care what the royals think?" "since I learned what it means to be with one of them" oh. ooooohohohohohoho

he's gonna write him a song isn't it

rosh and ayub are the realest. honestly. such real ones. day ones. I love them

is this gonna be couples therapy ooooooo let's GO

oh

I mean, idk, that reveal doesn't really hit hard bc obviously if it happened to august and nils then it had to be erik's class, right?

it's the bashing that's horrifying. erik would have participated in beating someone up for the slightest inkling of being gay that is horrifying

oh my god yeah nvm that hit super hard. wille. oh no. oh god.

fuckkkkk

[hermanunworthy]

!DNDADS S2 EP34 SPOILERS!

here are my thoughts on the new episode!!! this time im actually writing them out in real time. ive been so so excited for this one

- no normal fact damn. thats okay though will i support

- oh god are they doing this w their comedy personas.

- IM SO NERVOUS FOR THIS STRANGER I CAN ONLY IMAGINE HOW SHES FEELING ABOUT THIS LMAO

- i love how tori didnt even get an introduction to scam it was just like oh yeah theres a guy here named scam likely

- LINK JUST SHOWING GARFIELD ON HIS PHONE lincoln li wilson bless ur soul

- somehow the audio quality of link being on a microphone extra loud makes this so funny

- istg the moment hermie has a line im gonna scream and jump up and down

- ANTHONYS IN FUCKING JOKER MAKEUP????

- THE COMPLETE SILENCE AFTER THE PLANES JOKE.

- i literally forgot that disney movies have anime remakes now in dndads i was so confused for a sec WAIT TORI DOESNT KNOW THIS OMFG IMAGINE HER CONFUSION

- WAS NOT EXPECTING THE SUDDEN TAYLOR ANGST HE WAS SCARED ABOUT HIS MOM DYING AS A KID??? ARE U JOKING??

- honestly though i think taylor opening up like this through comedy makes sense

- link is so supportive of taylor awwww

- BETH MAY PREPARING MISOGYNISTIC JOKES WHILE EXPECTING TO PERFORM FOR A MAN HELPP

- NORMAL IS LAST OH GOD

- OH GOD HES TRAUMADUMPING TOO

- i think its so funny and ironic how scary is the only one who doesnt drop lore about her family in her set

- OHHHH MY GOD THE CHAPARRAL ROAST. OH YEAH. I LOVE THE DIRECTION WILLS GOING W THIS (NORMAL DOESNT GET MAD HE GETS EVEN)

- HERMIE SAID A SINGLE WORD I REPEAT HE GOT ONE WORD IN FOLKS

- WILL IS SO GOOD AT THIS. GOD

- HERMIEEEE

- THE WAY MY FACE FUCKING FELL WHEN HE STARTED DIRECTLY ROASTING HERMIE. OH NO

- "im sensitive about that :[" MY LITTLE GUYYYYY NO

- NOOOOO NORMAL WHAT ARE U DOING THIS IS SO MEAANN THIS IS TOO FAR

- HERMIE IS CRYING???? OMFG NO

- NORMAL TOLD HERMIE HE LIKES HIM!!!!!

- will campos is carrying this entire episode

- GOTHCLEATS????

- IM LESS THAN HALFWAY THROUGH THE EPISODE AND I AM ALREADY LOSING MY GODDAMN MIND

- hermies up now i am so fucking scared. this episode is NOT going the direction i thought it would omfg (not complaining at all im just in shock)

- *applauds hermie along w tori* (I CANT BELIEVE ANTHONY IS DOING THIS W JOKER MAKEUP)

- HE JUST HAS DC JOKES.

- thanks for the existential crisis/aging/suicide jokes hermie i really needed that on my bday 😅😅 /s

- IS HERMIE OKAY????? THERE WAS SM TO UNPACK THERE. I CANT DO THIS

- "im saying were all thinking about how i would be better off dead" IM KILLING MYSELFFFF

- nobody hmu ever again /j i am never going to stop thinking about the fact that hermie is canonically suicidal

- TORI SCORED LINCOLN HIGHER THAN TAYLOR LMAO

- HERMIE LOST.

- i had to take a big ol break just to process that shit. fuck. this is somehow making me even more insane hermie brained wtf

- HERMIE IS TELLING THEM TO JUST KILL SCAM???

- THE FACT THAT I JUST DID A DRAWING OF SCAM AND HERMIE WHOLESOME FATHER SON BONDING BEFORE THIS EPISODE. GOD

- "u dont like me, u idiot" 😦

- MY FUCKINGGGFG FACE RN. I. I

- NORMAL IS TALKING ABOUT MARRIAGE WTF

- IM LITERALLYYY GETTINF OAKWORTHY CONFESSION SCENE. ON MY BDAY.

- HERMIE DIDNT DO IT FOR HIS SCHOOL???

- HE. HE. HE DID ALL OF THIS FOR HIS DAD. HES LITERALLY JUST LIKE ME FR.

- WHAT THE ACTUAL FUUUUCK. OAKWORTHY NATION. WE ARENT REALLY WINNING BUT HOLY FUCKING SHIT

- THIS IS LIKE WHEN GLENN WAS SAYING THE ONLY THING LEFT FOR HIM IS TO KILL HIS DAD THIS IS SO UPSETTING

- ANTHONY ASKING IF NORMAL ACTUALLY GENUINELY LIKES HERMIE. I CANT DO THIS

- GUYS WE GOT AN ANCHOR BREAKING W LOVE BC OF OAKWORTHY. JUST LIKE WE WANTED

- will campos really holding on strong for us. normal is gonna fix hermie if its the last thing he does ig

- THE BABY AT THE BEGINNING OF THE SEASON WAS STEWIE????

- THERES STILL LIKE ANOTHER HALF HOUR LEFT I FEEL SICK

- NICKYS BACK i wasnt expecting him this episode yippee

- THEYRE IN SPACE. AND HERMIE IS THERE. THIS IS THE PERFECT EPISODE FOR ME

- im being so serious guys when i say i think this may be my fave episode of the whole season so far it is boggling my mind and smashing my heart to pieces and im loving it

- "u can be polygamous in space" there are so many good lines this episode

- I LOVE HOW EXCITED BETH IS ABOUT THE TELEBANGLE

- i also love whenever freddie talks about sciencey mathy stuff that i dont understand

- ARE THEY SERIOUSLY ALL MARRYING EACH OTHER??? IS THIS REALLY WHATS HAPPENING???? HELPP

- SCARY SIGNED AS TERRY. W A HEART. YALL.

- THIS EPISODE IS A FUCKING FEVER DREAM I SWEAR

holy fucking shit. what a rollercoaster. so yeah guys i think that was my fave episode of the season wow. what a bday gift to me. herman unworthy is just like me fr. i am going to take an eternity to recover from this.

[7eu]

A collection of drawings I won't ever finish.

Clay Puppington (Moral Orel.) Jus a bunch of rushed sketches becuase Im still tryna decide on how I wanna draw him, its a lot harder than I thought. Hes so ugly brauh

Camus (Dog of Bay) sketch!! First ever person to post Dog of Bay fanart on Tumblr and its silly n' unfinished .. heart break LMFAO. hes like my third fav in the game, I love how sassy his dance is. :3

Rainbowdash (My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic) attempt! I really just colored a quick sketch..this was my first time ever drawing a human rainbowdash, really hard!

Yuri (Doki Doki Literature Club) head..also was just tryna figure out a design for her. She's my FAV!! Just haven't found good motivation to keep going.

Nagito Komaeda (Danganronpa 2: Goodbye Despair) drawing. I was gonna go all out but I quit once I realized how tough the hair would be..

ocs! was gonna do a lil comic, but, i couldn't think of a good storyline. i also just hate making ocs, color pallettes are a challenge for me.

Big Al (VOCALOID) sketch! He's my favorite vocaloid he's so cute!!! First time drawing him though, turned out kinda wonky. I'll definitely redo it someday!

Total Drama oc. I actually did finish smthn with him, but, this was kinda just a redo to show off more character...kinda forgot abt it.

Aira Shiratori (Ensemble Stars.) My oldest drawing yet..so ugly. I couldn't get past the body. Not even into this game anymore, supes embarrassing LMFAO

឵឵឵

឵឵឵

឵឵឵

thats the end! i have more, but, this is all i can really manage to share..if you dont know, my artstyle is heavily based off of user zkullheadx_x on TikTok! Please check them out. They're a big inspiration, and I honestly feel shame for stealing so many aspects of their artstyle. So, if you have any tips of stopping style theft, please tell me! I feel horrible LMFQO!! stoll hope u enjoyed all the pics...

឵឵឵

note : i use hashtags so people can search through my profile easily, if you don't want me using a certain tag, please tell me and i'll remove it right away!

[zante-selachi]

unveiling my Shadow Company OC

pushes him to the front this is how he looks for now, dont remember if i made any additional changes after drawing this hshsh (Leopard was his old callsign) also im not the best w/ writing on tumblr cus i dont really post here so...

anyway if anyone wanna use him for any SC prompts/drabbles/writings, feel free to do so or ask me/dm me about him :3

will insert some sketches of him i did which also have his old design at the bottom

CW: mention of torture, unhealthy coping mechanisms

Callsign: Belantik / Orion (based on the constellation) he doesnt mind whichever bc both mean the same thing, just in Malay and English

He/him, pansexual, 5'10 and Malaysian. He has tanned skin with hazel eyes (i suck at colouring so if he looks off, im sorry 💀)

He likes to paint his nails black or any other dark colours and wear rings when not on mission

He has a scar on his neck from when he was tortured really badly bc his captors wanted to silence his screams

Sucks to be them, he can still talk but not for too long/too much bc it hurts so most of the time he doesnt talk unless he needs to and this made him looks like that one scary higher-up that will stare you down--and he will--but the point is that he. Will. Get. His. Point. Across. No. Matter. What.

Orion who was only working with SC temporarily for quick cash but they somehow wormed their way into his heart and he eventually signed his life away to the devil (Graves, that smug man) and found himself being in a whole ass PMC after years of working alone/being vigilant

He took some time to adjust being in a team again and trusting them with his back because ✨trauma✨ but once he got the hang of it, he is fiercely protective of the men and will stop at nothing for them

Orion who wakes up every morning very dazed and just smiles at whatever the men are doing, no matter how chaotic they are while he sips at his tea (he rarely drinks coffee bc it makes him sleepier) has a sketch of this below‼️

Orion (a Captain) who would make sure his men come back from their mission alive. Banged up to the hell and back but alive and able to get back on their feet while he hovers over them whenever possible to make sure they rest properly

Las Almas absolutely devastated him and he isolated himself for some time bc it reminded him of bad times, felt like he didnt do good enough for his men and Graves

Orion who grumbles with a scowl on his face at how stupid the men are while he just stands and watches them, not even trying to stop their antics (because he likes seeing how happy they are, missions are hard enough and hes not stopping them from having fun)

Anytime he grumbles or shit talks someone, he would revert back to his native language which is Malay. Examples of what he would say below :>

"Ni lah dia budak2 zaman sekarang..." (Kids nowadays I swear...) [exasperated & fond]

"Orang dah kata jangan buat, dia buat jugak. Kan dah kena." (I said to not do it and they still did it. Serve you right.) [amused]

"Susah lah aku kerja ngan orang2 bodoh cam si botak ni, beruban aku sial." (It's so damn hard working with dumbasses like this bald fucker, im gonna grow white hair atp) [angry]

"Pale hotak kau." (Are you fucking dumb.) [deadpan]

"Commander tersayang aku ni... bongok gak." (My beloved Commander... just as idiotic) [fond]

"Aku benci mat saleh, babi pahal sedap sangat suara ngan accent??" (I hate white ppl [slang, but in this he actually just meant non-Malaysians] why the hell are their voices and accents so damn nice??) [frustrated & flustered]

Silly facts when i was first making him

- I wasnt sure if i wanted him in tf141, kortac, or sc but chose sc bc ehem graves... hello...

- i forgot about giving him his number in sc oops but maybe 2-15?

Sketches!

1&2 are based on a tt video (old design)

3 is self-explanatory (old design)

4 is eepy and smiley Orion (current design)

5 is his first ever design‼️‼️

Thats all for now, thank u goodnight runs away

[bronwyns-art-locker]

chatterbox

another short story i wrote for class. kinda gimmicky. i still like it.

--

[8:38pm] veronica_is_cool: Can we take a break? :3 I wanna hear about your day!

[8:38pm] xlincoln_logx: sure! u first tho

I’ve been talking to this Veronica roleplayer for about 3 months now. We met in one of those open role play rooms on ChatterBox. We ended up talking for hours that night, so we decided to make a private room for the two of us. It’s pretty rare to find anyone roleplaying Veronica these days in the Magical Arrival community, especially since they killed off her character last season. I guess one could say the same about my character, Lincoln. He’s not necessarily a protagonist, but he’s a recurring character that I really related to. That’s really the beauty of roleplaying online – even the most minor characters can be fleshed out by the fans in whatever way they want. 

[8:40pm] veronica_is_cool: My day was fine I guess! Today at school some kid tried snorting salt during lunch so that was weird xD!

[8:42pm] xlincoln_logx: thats insane lol i was out from school today tho so i just spent most of my day doom scrolling online as usual 

In the 3 months since we’ve started talking, I've gotten really close to her. When we stop role playing we just talk like regular friends. She told me her real name is Lili. She loves to draw, write short stories, and role play Magical Arrival online. What’s cool is she’s the same age as me – or at least I assume so. The thing about online friends is that you can never really discern if they’re telling you the truth about their lives. I took what I could get, though. She still listened to me and treated me like a real friend. Honestly, she was the closest friend I had at the time. But I had never seen her face. Or heard her voice. 

[9:16pm] veronica_is_cool: I’m just really shy, Max. Plus, how do I know that when we video call there’s not gonna be some older creep staring at me through me screen ;P (just joking). 

[9:18pm] xlincoln_logx: nah i get it, im rlly shy too 

[9:21pm] veronica_is_cool: I’m just worried you won’t like what you see.

More than anything, I just wanted her to say yes one day. I wondered what she was so afraid of.

[9:25pm] veronica_is_cool: Max, do you ever feel… out of place sometimes?

[9:25pm] xlincoln_logx: yea like all the time

[9:26pm] veronica_is_cool: How so?

[9:27pm] xlincoln_logx: i mean i dont rlly have friends at my school if thats what u mean. 

[9:28pm] veronica_is_cool: Not really. I mean like, do you ever feel out of place in your own body? Like you wish you could just be born different. 

[9:30pm] xlincoln_logx: i cant say that i have. why, is that how u feel??

[9:31pm] veronica_is_cool: Sometimes. 

I failed to come up with a reply. I had never heard her express something like this before. 

[9:45pm] veronica_is_cool: Sometimes I just look at myself in the mirror. I look at my body, my face, my hair… and I don’t feel like I’m me. I have, like, this picture of myself in my brain of how I want people to see me, but I know that will never happen. Really, the only person who sees me the way I want to be seen is you. 

[9:46pm] veronica_is_cool: I guess that’s why I’m so afraid to show you my face. I’m sorry. 

I didn’t know what to say or what to think. I didn’t know how to interpret what she was trying to say to me. Had she been lying to me about who she was this whole time? I felt a strange anxiety creeping up my body. It started at my legs, and made its home in my stomach. I couldn’t look at my screen for too long or else I’d just fixate on her words and get more afraid of what she was hiding from me. For the first time in a few hours I looked away from the bright glow of my laptop, and let my eyes wander around my room. 

I looked at my bed sheets, then my unfolded laundry. I got so deep into talking to her that I forgot to at least clean my room. Then I glanced at my mirror, and held my gaze longer than I expected. I examined my face; my expression. I looked tired, but not unlike myself. I guess I could stand to get a haircut, because it was getting a little long. And I needed to shave the rat-stache I had been growing since 8th grade. I definitely had an awkward appearance, but that never bothered me. I didn’t feel like a stranger in my own body – not at all like Lili said she felt. I looked away. 

My eyes then landed on the Magical Arrival poster hanging on the wall across from me. It featured all of the major characters standing at a bus stop together in poses that represented their personalities. On the far right stood Veronica. She was staring down at her shoes with her hands in her coat pockets, acting just as shy as she usually was on the show. As I studied her figure longer, I realized that I actually had a face I’d picture when I would think about Lili. 

[10:03pm] xlincoln_logx: we’re friends right lili? 

[10:04pm] veronica_is_cool: I’d like to think we are. 

[10:05pm] xlincoln_logx: you mean a lot to me. you’re someone i want to stay friends with for a while. 

[10:05pm] veronica_is_cool: I feel the same way. 

[10:06pm] xlincoln_logx: then would it be too much to ask that you dont keep anything from me? 

[10:08pm] veronica_is_cool: It’s not… 

[10:09pm] xlincoln_logx: do you trust me enough to show me what ur afraid of? 

[10:10pm] veronica_is_cool: It’s not that simple. I don’t think you get what I’m trying to say.

[10:11pm] xlincoln_logx: i think im starting to get it. can we just try and figure it out together? 

She didn’t reply for a while. I was afraid she had left entirely. I was afraid I scared her away. 

[10:45pm] veronica_is_cool: Okay. Let’s do it. 

That anxiety I felt earlier had found its way back into my body. Instead of being in my stomach, it found its way up to my chest and my arms. I was breathing manually now, and I felt a subtle tightness in my shoulders and on the sides of my ribs. My arms felt like they had 20 pound weights on them. I nervously opened up Skype and typed in her username. It felt like the ringing lasted forever, until she finally picked up and all I saw was her profile picture: a drawing of Veronica. “Sorry,” she mumbled, “I’m turning on my camera now.” Her voice sounded strained, like she wasn’t speaking in her natural register. She finally turned on her camera. 

It was my friend. For the first time since I met her, I finally saw my friend’s face. She had pale skin, and some acne on her cheeks. Her wide lips were contorted into a nervous smile as we stared at each other, just examining each other’s appearance. Her hair was long and slightly unkempt. It reached the tops of her shoulders, and was a deep brown color.  Her blue eyes hid behind thick, rectangular glasses and in the reflection of them I could see myself on her screen. I was surprised to see that she was wearing winehouse style eyeliner, and it was neatly done.  Draped over her body was an oversized “Deftones'' t-shirt; her favorite band. She looked undeniably nervous. Her eyes were shooting around the room, trying hard not to look at herself on her own screen. The more I looked at her the more I thought about our conversation. I thought more about why she was afraid to show herself to me. I thought about how much courage it must have taken to do this video call at all. I thought about the trust she put into me to reveal this side of herself. I needed to break the silence. “You know, you look just like her, right?” I said.

“Who?”

“Veronica.”

[frostbite-the-bat]

goofy ass ms paint werewolf eating a mango as a divider between the rant under this bc i do not wish to be precieved rn but i still wanna rant some thoughts out

random lovely guzma urge to delyeet everythin on myne site bc not only did i make it for petz things back when i was active between petz folks and got some encouragement there and ended up never finishing petz things for it, but i also feel horrible and uncommited for it being hosted and made on weebly and for bein too lazy to yeet my shit over to neocities just cause that shit gives me a headache and instead of getting inspired by people i feel jealous and unwelcome

also been working on my sleep schedule its a bit better now and im like. better in general now..? idk how long i can keep this up but getting up early makes me just. so tired like all day urgh i do not understand how i used to keep myself up when this tired. tired tired. brain empty. hard to do shit for long. defo needs more breaks but i swear to god everything feels like its frying my brain but i got nothin to do indoors. guess i can go draw traditionall but i end up putting such high expectations on myself i just yeah. fuck it up. get stressed. not fun. i need to stop thinking about others bc i keep thinking i put effort into smthn i need to show it off.like if i wasted time here i might as well. no this isnt showable it sucks damn it

even stuff i do draw purely for myself as self indulgent shit i go urhh this aint right

oh and then i try doin a lil excercise so im not like. physically diyng but my god that tires me out like instantly. but its okay, baby steps.

dont know what sort of place i am in mentally. the type id prolly spiral a bit over if it werent nice and 2 pm. wacky stuff. i wanna maybe do some stuff but ugh my brain just. isnt big thoughts when im tired. but honestly when am i not tired. and i am getting art done but i cant get myself to draw all day again ill end up in pain again my hand rn already is being a bit of a bitch

uhhh played pokemon in the morning but i need better pokemon already. i fuck up every raid (raids i need so i can get better mons easier) (and my shiny ralts i want easier)

hmm maybe i need a break from stuff but what kinda break what even is relaxing in my case? and "break from people" is a slippery slope of self isolation i always slip into. bit difficult to figure myself out

also, different thing, but ive been considering this for a good few months now and kinda ignoring it but i read one (1) thing and i m intrigued to do more n more research now but man do not like how moral ocd clicks perfectly with a lot of my most common issues . so i guess thats a thing to consider going into (like research) . if it helps .bc dear god i am Sensitive

but uhmmm yea sleeping better now ig like i went to sleep around ONE. my usual sleep time was 5-6 am a while ago !!!!!!! 1 am has always been my kinda usual time. man and i used to do that even when i had school and i *functioned* with less sleep. how did i do that. uhm. not well i guess

but yeah. things.. arent feeling right and i kinda wanna wipe my brain. also the neocities thing seems to be a part of my issue of (ppl who dont care abt me) r gonna thingk i suck bc i dont do (this that i find difficult) (coding) i will be exploded forever and shunned andhated

uhmmm what else yea last thought i forgot as i was gonna type it and the last thing i am deciding not to share anyway bc Shame so hooray

guy who is eeypy tired

i am just realizing how like tired i am but if i go nap ill make it worse so uhmm cope i guess lmfao at least it keeps me going to sleep at a more regular hour but like srsly brain we got around 8 hours of sleep why are you tired we used to get less and function fine. maybe not as good but we functioned

[keefwho]

October 28 - 2023 Saturday

8:30am

I feel some stress because my thoughts are thinking some funny things. Im trying to distance from them. I'm also trying to be okay feeling bad about them. I guess I'm kinda jealous right now and thats an okay thing to feel, even if it's unfounded. I know I'm not going to act on it or let it control me. Its more likely that I would if I tried to push it away. I always feel jealous when Daisy is at a con because I feel like she's having fun with her better friends, totally forgetting about me. I'm always afraid to admit that at the risk of sounding petty but it's only petty if I act on it. I know it's a silly way to feel but that means there should be an easy way out of it. I know this is a result of the difficulty I have with trust which comes from a low self worth. I get the entire mechanism behind this. I think some more acceptance is in order. If I can just accept this is the truth about myself and be upset about it for a little bit instead of acting like I'm not supposed to be this way.

I know she hasn't forgotten about me the same way I'd never forget about her. She believes in me. And I'm starting to believe in me too. I can learn to move past these kinds of feelings. I can either learn to dispel irrational thoughts like this or detach from them, as long as I'm not doing it as a form of suppression. The first step always seems to be acceptance that they are happening.

9:57am

Maybe writing about my feelings more often here could be a way of accepting them. When I really feel like I'm struggling to get it out there. Usually when I say I'm stunlocked, what I mean is that I can't move past something. I'm stuck in a loop. Right now I'm stuck thinking about what exactly I want to have this talk about and I'm pushing myself to try and figure it out right now. But it's a thing that needs time. I'm also really hungry so that could be it. After breakfast I'm gonna take a break and find something to do like draw or something.

3:22pm

Ugh I HATE feelings. I feel like I need to talk about them constantly or do something about them. A result of suppressing them so much maybe??? All I know is I feel stressed again, I got some things on my mind. Nothing too crazy but it's nagging at me and I'd like to be able to let it go so I can actually do something with myself. I'm tired of ruminating so much.

12:15am

This morning I had breakfast a little late, I just wasn't that hungry. I made rice with a vegetable blend stir fried in and some turkey spam. I had a couple pieces of chocolate with my coffee and did Inktober in David's server. Right after I think I played Legendary Tales and got David to do hardcore with me. He died before I did and actually got kinda upset. It's weird to me how averse people are to hardcore. I think the loss is what makes it more meaningful and I never get that mad when I die, even if it's to a bug. He stopped for a little bit but wanted to try again, then I switched to a new character with a bow this time. I was bad at the bow since I haven't used it before. For some reason playing with him wasn't as fun as I thought. I didn't really feel present or maybe I wasn't sure how to coordinate with him. I forgot that we do talk a little bit but not enough to have unspoken chemistry. I wasn't in the head space I guess to be making an effort to synchronize. It was okay though. I took a break from the server to play Cities Skylines and make lunch. For lunch I made a broccoli pizza in my pan. Lowkey boiling it in just a little water makes it come out real nice, not soggy or anything. After lunch I worked on my avatar while watching MoonMoon play some god awful brutal medieval fighting game demo. It was just extremely brutal but funny to watch. I decided to finish porting my skater girl outfit from my nanachi model to my hyenid. I had tried before but didn't think it was gonna work out. I was wrong and it turned out good. I was halfway through a drink by the time I finished and got on VRchat as soon as it was done. I had no plan, no one was on. I joined a furry world for a little bit but couldn't insert myself anywhere. I joined a random public and had very brief conversation about a cool music video. I asked Daisy about the VR portal and she said it was empty and I just so happened to have someone on my friends list on blue who was in the portal world. After multiple attempts I was able to get in and found that the VR world was pretty empty and the stream was actually loading so I told Daisy and she made it to the portal. It was amazing seeing her there. I've never seen her quite like that, it's like I was in the room with her almost. It wasn't quite like that for her I imagine since I was in my avatar. It gave me some weird perspective on things, in a good way. Goodtimes joined too, he had messaged me earlier today but I didn't know what to say to him. He said he wondered what we'd been up to and coincidentally I've been wondering about him. I was even gonna talk to Daisy about him and Golden Star and how we had this relatively brief group of sorts that I miss. After the portal closed down, Goodtimes took me to a floating island world I'd been to before. We were trying to find 2/4 koroks but we made no progress. Golden Star happened to join too and wasn't totally horny (yet). I got off to finish dinner and play a little more Cities.