#i feel like it's the easiest way to know if my blog will be of any interest lol

[fortyfive-forty]

brb gonna make this my pinned post

[birdantlers]

A heartfelt and grievously expanded-upon update to this—please, please read the whole thing if you can. reblogs much appreciated.

(DISCLAIMER, for all who are saying reasons like abusive parents/legal stuff/toxic ex/triggering memories/page got deleted/job/stalkers/bullying/[[insert any other shitty life thing]], This is not concerning that—personal safety & health ALWAYS comes first, and is worth more than any media ever could be. This is my biggest reason for defending that autonomy. I would be a hypocrite to say I hadn’t deleted triggering posts of mine or ones that got me in trouble with my family.)

it genuinely makes me sad and kinda upset when someone purges all their old art off the internet like. barring harmful content what if someone liked that. What if someone would have. And now nobody will ever know and it's just gone. even people's old invader zim askblogs or whatever getting deleted feels like a micro alexandria to me and that's just something I made up. I wasn't even thinking of a specific one it just stresses me out. Is this the autism I don't get why nobody else seems to freak internally abt it like I do. I see artists whose blogs I've never even looked at go like "man so glad I deleted all my old stuff it's so clean" or saying they throw out art from when they were kids I'm like. how are you not hurling. How is that not distressing that is literally your tree rings why would you do that. I want to see what's out there. people want to see it I promise someone out there likes it

...don't they??? Does everyone get quietly irrationally upset by this as me, or is this just hyperfixation/autism/some amalgam of the two. I'm not a hoarder or obsessive compulsive or anything like that so i wonder..

Anyways. reblog if you had a favorite amateur youtube animator in your childhood whose channel got nuked without a trace one day that you still think about.

I wanted to attach this video because it condenses my point very well. A TLDR of sorts. Please watch the whole thing, it genuinely changed the entire way I think about art as a concept.

(2nd vid is "Subjectivity in Art")

“The moment your art touches an audience, the ownership shifts in an irreversible way. [They're] not having an art experience with you and your intentions. They're having an art experience with the art object.

“You can't just burn your past; it's not even your past to burn anymore. It's other people's history as well. Whether or not you like it, that art is already bonded to somebody's soul, and if you rip the art away, you're ripping a bit of the soul that has adhesive contact to it.”

The digital age makes it very easy to distance or detach yourself from the impact your work has—be it art, fanfic, videos, even memes. Online content is as important to people now as any other media, if not more. But it's also by far the easiest, fastest, and most effective form of it to erase from public access. Media so unbelievably important to people and in general. Yes, you—with the 2010s purple sparkle dog speedpaint. I still think about that speedpaint all the time, because it was the first time i learned that you could draw on a computer, and I thought it was cool as hell. I still do.

I do wish there was a stronger culture of preservation and consideration for this, because every time I see people talk about snuffing their stuff because it doesn't personally resonate with them anymore, I just think ...what about all the people it did?

I've seen lots of people saying "get over it, it doesn't even matter," but it fucking does. It does matter. Even if I didn’t make it, even if I don’t have to deal with being the one who made it, even if I'm naturally inclined to be distressed by it—It still matters. And there’s nothing you could ever say to suddenly make it not matter, because there’s nothing you could ever say to make it not matter to me.

Don't devalue the act of creation. Don't dismiss something you made. It's out there, in people's thoughts and hearts and souls, and that is real. Even if you don't know it. Especially if you don't know it. Especially in a world where physical media is being snuffed out, the internet is constantly dying without any physical remains to recover, social isolation is rampant, and simply because independently produced content online is still media.

Fanfiction can hold equal or greater significance to someone as a book, but you can’t unpublish a book. Authors don’t have a button that can vaporize every copy of their work across all time, but fanfiction authors do. I’m not counting people who download fics either—when you buy a book, that transaction is over. But online, you have the power of unending transaction that can be terminated instantly at your will. The process of publishing fanfic vs. publishing a book may be different, but people’s connection to the art is the same intensity.

So yeah. I do get depressed about the Internet being a constant Alexandria, but the times I get the most depressed is when I click someone's page and see that all their work is gone because they're ‘curating a new aesthetic’ for their page or some shit. Or weeding out all the "ugly" art. Or just went on whatever the hell 'thrill deleting' is, because they just get a kick out of it.

Fuck it—yeah! It upsets me! I’m not wrong to say that. I’m saying it!

Under the cut, because it got long as shit! Also don’t worry the ending is way sappier and more ‘beauty of human nature’ vibe so it’s not all doom and gloom lol

What if that was someone's favorite art of that character. What if someone read that 'cringe oneshot' on the worst day of their life. What if that Warriors meme vid is still burned into a college student’s mind despite being gone for 10 years. What if it's actually not just you and the ones and zeros you rent out to the world—secure in knowing the original will always be on your computer for you to do whatever you want with it.

I really, deeply wish there was more of a general awareness of this, because even though social media can be used like a diary, that’s functionally the opposite of what it is. It’s social media. When you post, it’s no longer in a vacuum, even though you can’t see the real humans that content touches—often deeply.

Media is history. You shouldn’t burn that history just because you personally believe it isn’t worth saving.

Because it’s no longer just your personal opinion. It’s no longer just your personal work. it’s. history. Memory of media is not a suitable replacement for the media itself. If it was, we wouldn’t save anything at all. Nostalgia is an agent of that. The definition of nostalgia is grief for moments of the past that are inaccessible, and the biggest balm for that pain is accessing a physical reminder of those moments. That opinion of yours is no longer personal. It’s weighed against uncountable people across all time that your thing is ALSO personal to. People who would, and will mourn its absence.

How many times have you joined an older fandom only to discover that some of its most popular works are gone? How many times have you routed through random blogs looking for scraps people hopefully reblogged? how many times have you used Wayback machine desperately praying that a fan fiction or a YouTube video will be there? How many times do you look up crunchy old vines or YouTube videos or anime AMV‘s? How many times do you remember old fanfic.net sex that impacted you in middle school, only to shake your head and go ‘probably no point even looking.’

i mourn the absence. No, people can’t and shouldn’t have their agency over what they post revoked, but they should be conscious of that weight. If you’re reading this and getting extremely annoyed, and you’re not in the pink text above,,,, good.

I honestly do hope it gets under your skin. I hope it sits with you. I hope you feel it every time you hit that button, and whether or not you do hit that button—if you hesitate, if you remember this, even spitefully, I’ve done my job. I am howling into the void. And I may not want an answer, but I do want my anguish to be heard and remembered. Because it isn’t me just being melodramatic.

I know I sound that way writing so much, but if my favorite writing YouTuber can drop trow this week and go, "yeah, sorry, all my video essays from less than a year ago that you listen to in the car all the time? I'm "rebranding" my content so i deleted them. besides, my personal views don't really agree align with the analyses i did, or the techniques i taught in them anyway. Sorry if some of the literal tens of thousands of you used them, but I don't want to feel shackled to having youtuber "classics" tied to me”

….then i guess I'm just going to have to sound dramatic! That fucking sucks! Hours of work and knowledge gone! This was a new channel too. It’s very likely there’s no archive of any kind, because who would think someone who worked hard enough to write, record, and edit hour-long videos, would just turn around and nuke it all? I definitely didn’t see it coming, but I did just start a new screenwriting class a few weeks ago, so I’ll tell you at least one person is REALLY missing those fucking videos right now. Because a lot of them were about specifically screenwriting, which I know jack shit about. and that specific person’s pace, editing, and style of breaking down information was the best suited style I found that I could focus on and absorb. There’s no replacement for that. No alternative for his individual perspective. his jokes. his opinions.

No, they may not resonate with him now, but in this decision, he’s put up a big middle finger to everyone who might have. And he has like 100k subscribers! Those are confirmed supporters! Imagine how many silent and untethered observers are feeling this loss right now. Imagine how many will not have it in the future.

If he never posted them at all, we wouldn’t know we had it. It wouldn’t be a loss. But we did. We did have it. Until he decided that no, we didn’t, because he just happens to be the one out of millions of individuals holding the button to burn it in a hundredth of a second.

His personal work, the attachment I had to it, and the ways that it helped me are now just ripped away. I am one person out of millions, literal MILLIONS of people who saw and liked this content before it vanished. The soul has been ripped, the access severed, and by CJ’s (and my) definition, the art is functionally dead. Not for the YouTuber or anyone else lucky enough to save a link or download, but everyone else. From this point until the end of time, even if people even two weeks from now don’t know it. Even if someone who stumbles upon his channel today, doesn’t know it.

We only mourn the concept of Alexandria because we had some kind of scope for what was inside. Yes, maybe you got self-conscious and deleted your 12 year old deviant art account. Do you know who else is doing that?? THOUSANDS AND THOUSANDS of other twenty somethings who ALSO feel self-conscious about their old socials. Art. Fanfic. One direction fan videos. anything.

Suddenly, an unquantifiable amount of information from your age group—an entire age group in 2012, is. gone. And we will NEVER know what’s been erased from that history. We will NEVER know what could have been significant to us ten years from now. Twenty years from now. A hundred years. A thousand.

You could have deleted a fanfic that would have been someone else’s new go-to panic attack distraction tomorrow. You could have deleted a video someone used to laugh at with their friend who died yesterday. When you delete something, you risk tearing a hole in unknowable personal histories.

The Internet isn’t just a big library of Alexandria. It’s a library containing libraries. And those libraries have their own libraries in those libraries have their own as well. libraries inside libraries, inside libraries, ad infinitum. To conceive the amount of destroyed history on the Internet is crushing.

And I just can’t help but I ask myself how in gods name people can choose to contribute to that, instead of reposting everything to trash heap alts titled “hall of shame” or some shit.

You can offload to alts. Put up disclaimers. Make password locked blogs, or dropboxes, or anonymous imgur dumps. Anonymous reuploads. Orphan fics. Make a playlist or linktree of unlisted videos. Cut off the watermarks. Delete all references to it on your main. Make a dedicated unlisted playlist. make a google drive. Make new portfolio sites. Delete any questions you get about it. Change pen names. Pretend it never existed.

Give a heads up.

Something.

But don’t. kill. the media.

The knowledge that our stuff is going to forever be tied to us is a cross we have to bear, but the responsibility that comes with putting it out there in the first place, can’t be ignored.

Anyway. I'm not trying to start conflict. This is not a bash on anyone, nor a call for witch hunts. Or anon hate, or blocks and unfollows or anything of that nature. I'm not wishing ramifications or hate of any kind on anyone who does wants to do any of this.

I'm also not guilt tripping— I am not saying that you should feel bad. I AM saying why it makes me feel bad. That’s not guilting, it’s a dialogue. One I personally feel is long overdue.

It's me yelling into the void: please consider the real people on the other side of the screen before you hit that button. Realize and know that whatever you're about to erase from history could be the most important thing in the world to someone.

Art is an experience. It's why we revisit it. If art and history simply lived in the matter and code of media, we would only need to look at it once. We wouldn’t put things in museums. We wouldn’t build libraries. We wouldn’t look up vine compilations.

If you're able, consider (and I do mean consider, this is not a call to action) not destroying that. And don’t shrug it off as some pretentious asshole venting on Tumblr. You only need to look in the notes and tags to see that it isn’t just me. it’s never just me, or you, or the pixels.

And even if you do shrug it off, then at least recognize that what you make matters. Whatever you think about it, if it’s out there, that's not your discretion anymore. If a tree falls in the woods and even one person is around to see it, it fucking mattered. Because it happened. Don’t mulch your tree rings if you don’t have to. Because if enough people do it, a whole forest is gone. Media is history, no matter whether you think it’s worth putting in a museum, or only has 30 notes.

Thousands of years ago, a child named onfim doodled on his homework. They’re crude, and everyone has the wrong amount of fingers, and they’re also priceless archaeological artifacts recognizable throughout the world.

the only thing separating Onfim’s doodles and your MS paint Pokémon doodles is time. The only thing separating your old MS paint Pokémon doodles from being a priceless artifacts, thousands of years in the future is time. Your creations are already priceless artifacts. No matter what you do, don't ever, ever deny that. It isn’t blowing up your own ass, it’s artistic and anthropological fact.

The mundane and the supposedly unworthy are often the first things lost to time, and that’s why they’re so precious. That’s why artists who were before their time are scorned first only to be celebrated later. Do you think they knew that was going to happen?? What if they nuked it? Many probably did! But now that’s happening exponentially and instantaneously everywhere, WITHOUT the artist having to destroy their only copy—which makes it way easier and more dismissable.

Sometimes, If you’re revolutionary enough, people will make an effort to preserve your work, but recognized and thoroughly recorded work is rare compared to unrecognized and thoroughly recorded work.

Sometimes something is beloved enough that it would be impossible for it not to go down in history, but even then it isnt a guarantee, and it’s rare. But if van Gogh burned all of his paintings in a fit of despair before his death, we would have no van Gogh. Because he wasn’t respected as an artist in his time, but that wasn’t what defined the worth of his art. The people after him did, because his art was still there for them.

If you rip the art away, you're ripping a bit of the soul that has adhesive contact to it. If you belittle your art, you belittle the very real relationships and emotions and revisitations people have with the media. You defy the inherent worth and weight of a creation. you created. That's effort. It's passion. No matter how flippant or unskilled or worthless you think it is, it matters. Because at the end of the day, you could have chosen to make nothing at all, and you didn't.

•

Muting notifs

[siriuslovebot]

˖ ࣪⭑˖ ࣪ 𝒔𝒉𝒊𝒓𝒕 𝒕𝒉𝒊𝒆𝒇 ➸ 𝒔𝒊𝒓𝒊𝒖𝒔 𝒃𝒍𝒂𝒄𝒌 ˖ ࣪⭑ ˖ ࣪

𓏲 ࣪₊♡𓂃 𝑾𝑨𝑹𝑵𝑰𝑵𝑮𝑺: smut (18+, minors dni!), oral (f!receiving), shy!reader, unprotected sex, praise kink (kinda), some teasing, dirty talk, etc.

𝑺𝑼𝑴𝑴𝑨𝑹𝒀: sirius really likes it when the reader wears his clothes.

𝑨/𝑵: hi everyone! i’m very excited for my first post on this blog. please go easy on me as i’m a bit rusty when it comes to writing (also this is completely unedited, so apologies in advance for any mistakes). i’m still deciding how i want to format these posts, so forgive me if it’s a bit of an eyesore. i also accidentally posted this on my main at first, so if you saw that... no you didn’t ;) as always, lowercase is intended. feel free to send me a request if you like. feedback is always appreciated!

𝑾𝑶𝑹𝑫 𝑪𝑶𝑼𝑵𝑻: 3.1k 𓂃♡₊⭑

·͙⁺˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚⁺‧͙⁺˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚⁺‧͙⁺˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚⁺‧͙•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚⁺‧͙⁺

       “is that my shirt, dove?”

       the low, silken gravel of his tired voice startles you as you sit perched in the little window seat of your shared bedroom, the window thrust open to let the night breeze in.

       “hmmm?” you muse, distracted as you slowly paint a top coat on your toenails. you fan them with one hand as you glance behind you. sirius stands in the doorway, lithe figure leaned against the frame as he watches you. his shirtsleeves are rolled up over his forearms, hair skirting his shoulders messily, eyes foggy from a long day at work. a soft smile plays over his lips, quieter than his usual wide, wolfish grin.

       he nods towards his shirt draped over your frame, the fabric pooling around your hips to expose the fabric of your panties. “been looking for that all over,” he says simply.

       you make a sheepish face, twisting the cap onto the bottle of nail polish. “‘m sorry,” you mutter, smiling apologetically. you turn towards him, bare legs dangling over the edge of the seat. you are a sight for sore eyes; his gaze trails over your exposed skin, eyes darkening as they trace your figure draped in his shirt. a warmth blooms in your stomach as you watch him watch you. the look is familiar–though it never fails to send your chest aflutter.

       “want me to take it off?” you ask, mostly because you’re at the point where it’s getting hard not to squirm beneath his hungry gaze. the silence is deafening, unspoken words bubbling to the surface. you have the sudden feeling that sirius may not be as tired from work as you thought.

       “not at all.” there’s that mischievous glint behind his eyes, darkening the clear grey to a stormy shade. you sit another second, skin burning as his eyes rake over you, and then you stand and pad over to your vanity.

        sirius should be getting undressed, preparing for bed. he’s too busy watching you. his eyes skirt over the curve of one bare shoulder as you return the little bottle of polish to its rightful place. you swipe a hand through your mussed hair, trying to ignore his attention. he always knows how to get you squirming, the easiest ways to set your cheeks alight with embarrassment. he lives for it, watching his shy girl crumble between his fingers.

       it seems he can’t contain himself any longer as he approaches you, fingers sidling up beneath the hem of the shirt. his lips are on you in an instant, pressing gently against that irresistible patch of exposed skin on your shoulder. a sigh falls from your lips and you melt into his touch. you close your eyes. his calloused palms knead over the flesh of your hips, earning a soft groan from you.

        he smirks against your skin. “quiet tonight, hmm?” his breath fans along your neck as he kisses up towards your ear. goosebumps rise on your skin, a shiver threatening to snake down your spine.

        “it’s late,” you mutter. there’s a knowing second of quiet, both of you knowing you’ve fooled around much, much later. you’re flustered, trying to deflect his teasing words. the butterflies fluttering in your stomach have long since morphed into flames, burning like your skin as you wait for his next move.

       “you want me to stop?” his whisper is soft, the undertone of huskiness becoming feather light. you shift, eyes meeting his in the reflection of the vanity. his eyes are clear, curious. you know he’d stop at the word, no questions asked. but he knows you better than that, knows the way your legs twist together at the feeling of his hands holding you firmly means you don’t want him to stop. sirius wagers you would beg him not to stop, if he wanted you to.

        “no,” you shake your head. there’s that grin again, and his lips are back on you. a sharp breath slices the air as he nips at your skin with his teeth. “sirius–”

        his grasp tightens at the gasp of his name. he chuckles quietly, snaking a hand up over your stomach. the rough pad of his hand finds your breast, kneading it in his palm whilst his other hand holds you firm against him. he’s hardening behind you, bulge pressed against your scantily clad frame. his gaze is still trained on you in the mirror, dragging over the lush sight of your flushed face, your lips parted in small pants, the dark look in your eyes. he loves watching you fall apart at his smallest ministrations. more than half of his pleasure comes just from working you up like this, pushing you to the brink without even trying.

       “please,” you manage, voice constricted as you writhe against him. the ache between your legs is incessant, throbbing as you watch his salacious expression in the mirror.

       “please what, my lovely girl?” he sucks a dark mark into the soft patch of skin behind your ear, earning a cry from you. he rolls your nipple between his fingers. you chew on your bottom lip, hips rocking as best they can despite his hold.

       “sirius–”

       there it is again, his favorite sound in the world. but he doesn’t give in so easily. you know better.

       “words, please, darling,” he mutters. the arm caged around your stomach loosens for a second, his flat-palm tracing down your stomach. he’s approaching the place where you need him most, but he’s not going to give in until he gets what he wants.

        you whimper at his teasing, head falling back to rest on his shoulder. “please,” you rasp desperately, “just touch me.”

        “ah,” he tuts at you, “but i am touching you…” the jest in his voice goes unnoticed by you, your head swimming as he inches closer and closer to your center. you wonder, in the back of your foggy mind, if he’ll give up without those magic words, if he’ll send you off to bed with soaked panties and a fluttering stomach. surely not…

        you contemplate being a brat, refusing to tell him what you want just to see how far you can push it. but you know he’s tired, and the need growing in your center is becoming almost unbearable. you let your pride crumble and you force yourself to meet his eyes in the mirror. “your fingers–your mouth, merlin–” your voice is choked as he smirks and gives in, his middle finger delving into your slick to circle around your engorged clit.

       “there’s my obedient girl,” he says approvingly, the praise in his voice like music to your ears. you cry out, voice cracking as he applies pressure to the bundle of nerves with expertise. he knows your body like the back of his hand, knows exactly what drives you crazy. the pad of his finger dips further down, swirling through the mess of juices shining on your lips.

       mewling moans tear from your lips as he works you towards the edge. his lips are attached to your neck, abusing your skin to the point of saccharine tenderness. rosy marks bloom over your skin. his hand falls away from your breast to toy with the hem of the shirt, lifting it up in the front just enough so that he can watch himself pleasuring you.

       “fuck, take it off, please,” you plead, hips bucking against his hand.

       he shakes his head, releasing another patch of bruised skin with a hearty pop. “can’t,” he says, “wanna fuck you in it…” he mutters, voice low. he drags his teeth over your shoulder again, and then his fingers are slipping out of your panties. you whine at the loss of contact, your thighs clenching together automatically at the lack of stimulation.

       he pats your bum gently, head nodding in the direction of your bed. “go on, dove,” he says, “lay down f’me…”

        you do as he says, your heart thumping in anticipation. your legs are already quivering, weakened from his skilled fingers. he’s taking his time, watching as you sprawl back over the mussed blankets, frame draped in his clothes. he’s never been so enamoured, the sight of you wearing something of his just furthering his claim that you’re his sweet little angel. only, it makes him want to fuck you like you’re his little slut, makes him want to split you open on his cock and make you cry for hours and hours.

        you get comfortable, spreading your legs to reveal the soaked-through fabric of your panties. he groans, running a hand through his dark hair before he begins unbuttoning his shirt. the dark fabric is discarded quickly, though he doesn’t bother removing his trousers as he kneels on the bed between your legs.

        “sirius…” you breathe, aching for him by now. he’s observing, hands gently massaging the skin of your legs starting at your ankles. you squirm, following his gaze to the fabric plastered to your core. a second passes, and he dips his head between your legs, hands splayed over your thighs to keep your legs apart. a shrill cry comes from you as he licks a long stripe up your center, tongue gently flicking around your clit through your underwear. “please!”

       he smiles, against you. “so sweet,” his voice comes as a whisper. you tremble as his eyes meet yours, the stormy grey churning with lust for you. teasing you, he places tiny kitten licks against your center, just enough friction to have your hips rolling up into his mouth. but he’s stronger than you, and he’s got you right where he wants you. he has a knack for turning you into a whining, wriggling mess, drunk on his touch.

        “i– fuck, i can’t take it,” you hiss through clenched teeth at his teasing. you watch him through hooded eyes, biting on your bottom lip so hard that it hurts. he catches your eye, swirling the flat of his tongue over your clit. your back arches off of the bed, earning a raised eyebrow from him.

        “poor baby,” he says, tongue swiping over his swollen lips. he sits back on his knees, using one hand to flick open the clasp of his belt. “shall i send you off to bed, then? let you get your beauty sleep, hmm?” his eyes flicker with amusement. his other hand rubs soft circles into the silken skin of your inner thigh. you breathe sharply at the needing ache between your legs. you need him inside of you, badly enough you feel as if you could burst into tears.

       “no, why would i–” you start, shaking your head. he narrows his gaze at you, a warning. you know what he’ll do if you act like a brat, and although you’d enjoy it you don’t think you have the energy tonight. he pats your thigh softly, then finally, painstakingly drags the zipper of his trousers down.

       “be m’good girl then, yeah?” he prompts, moving closer as he palms his bulge through his boxers, then drags the waistband down just enough to let his length spring free. you hum at the sight, licking your lips as he swipes a thumb over the angry red tip, spreading a bead of precum over it. he spits into his hand, pumping the moisture over his cock before positioning himself above you. two of his fingers push the fabric of your panties out of the way, and he drags the cockhead through your folds, coating it in your arousal.

        a high-pitched, breathy noise graces his ears as his length drags over your clit. you bring your hand to your face, pushing your sweat-slicked hair off of your forehead. he breathes sharply above you, brows screwing together as he nudges your entrance with his length.

        “need you, siri,” you say, pleading. “need you inside me so bad…”

         “i know, dove,” his voice is soft as he leans down, peppering kisses over your face. “been dying to stretch you open since i got home.” he pushes into you, a chorus of pleasured sounds destroying the quiet in your bedroom.

        you cry out, the feeling of him pushing into you driving you mad. it’s been ages since you last had him inside of you, and there’s a sliver of pain as he bottoms out inside of your dripping cunt. waves of pleasure accompany the sting of the stretch, and your eyes flutter as he rocks slowly into you. he’s watching the way his cock splits you open, low grunts coming from deep in his chest. he shifts, one hand pressing on your lower stomach, thumb swirling over your clit. you cry out, head falling back onto the pillows. the other hand lifts one of your legs, pushing it towards your chest.

        “oh my fuck–” you cry out, hands reaching for him, fingertips finding his as they dig into your fleshy thigh. he holds your leg there still, hooking one finger with your own without even thinking. his pace is steady, and his cock is dragging deep against your walls. you’re fluttering around him, doing your best to keep your eyes open and drink in his blissed expression.

        “look at you,” he grunts, brows pulled together as he snaps his hips into yours with particular force. “makin’ a mess everywhere, dove…” the fabric of his trousers and exposed patch of pubic hair are both shining with your juices, and you’re sure there’s a damp spot pooled on the sheets beneath you. he’s eyeing your swollen cunt, his thumb massaging a steady pattern into the bundle of nerves. you clench around him involuntarily, your insides so swollen and tender that you imagine you can feel the ridges of his veins pulsing against your walls.

        your orgasm approaches unrelentingly. he leans back onto his heels, the angle causing the head of his cock to prod at the spongy flesh of your sweet spot. stars bloom at the edges of your vision, and his name breaks from your lips in a hoarse cry.

        “siri, i’m close,” you sob, your voice shaking. you feel his hips snap against yours, skin slapping in the quiet night as he drills you into the mattress. you bunch his shirt up in your free hand, wringing the fabric desperately as you hold onto him with your other hand. the fabric smells of him, like cigarettes and cologne and something woody, and it drives you even closer to the edge. he’s taking over your senses; the sight of him hovering over you, muscles in his abdomen clenching and rippling as he fucks into you is enough to make you scream on its own.

        “oh, is m’good girl gonna come for me? gonna make a mess of my cock, are you?” that silken voice drowns out everything else in the world. sirius is the only thing on your mind, his ministrations setting your body aflame. pleasure courses through your veins, spreading through your whole body until it’s all you can do to keep yourself from screaming until your throat goes hoarse.

       you cry for him as you come, your entire body seizing and shivering as he guides you through your release. “that’s it,” he says throatily, “oh, you’re doing so good f’me… look at this sweet little cunt pulling me in…” he’s groaning at the feeling of you tightening around him, closer to his own orgasm by the second. you’re still shaking, riding the waves of one of the longest orgasms of your life, and you’re sure a second one is piggybacking on this one, not far from sending your body into violent tremors.

       “siri, it– ah, it’s so sensitive,” you breathe, voice weak. he’s continued his pace both inside of you and on your clit. he’s determined to drain ever ounce of pleasure from your body that he can, his eyes watching your cunt weep around him with pride.

       “you can take it, dove,” he soothes, voice soft. “just one more f’me, can you do that? make me happy, love, just one more…”

        “one–one more?” you breathe, jerking as he slows his hips, allowing you to feel him inside of you more intensely. your mouth falls open involuntarily, your features crumbling into pure bliss as he nods. his movements grow more erratic as his release approaches now.

        “one more,” he repeats, leaning down over you to place a gentle kiss on your lips. his tongue drags over your bottom lip before pushing into your mouth. the kiss is messy, teeth gnashing and tongues swirling as he fucks you with renewed vigor. the coil in your stomach tightens again, and his movements quicken.

        you’re both drenched in sweat, shaking, as his pubic bone drags over your clit. both of his hands are now pinned to the mattress, caging you in on either side of your head. your hands slide over his ribs, up his back, nails biting into the skin as your second orgasm washes over you.

       he’s not far behind, hips meeting yours with a force that is almost painful, though you’re far too distracted by the fireworks blooming behind your eyelids. you feel him spill into you, hot seed pouring into your soaked cunt and making your thighs shake. his groans are hoarse, a couple grunted curses and growls of your name joining your chorus of moans in the room. he sits up once you’ve both ridden out your high, heads swimming as he watches his cum spill from between your legs when he pulls out.

        “my lovely girl,” he mutters, swiping a finger through the mess between your legs. the mix of your arousal glistens on his finger, the sight making your head spin as he brings his digit to your lips. you open your mouth, tongue darting out to swirl around the pad of his finger. you moan at the tang of your mixed release spreading over your tongue. he chuckles, leaning over to swirl his tongue against yours in a heated kiss. you’re panting when he finally pulls away, nipping at your jawline before he sits up, stretching his arms above his head. the sight of him, shimmering with sweat, scratches adorning his ribs and shoulders, hair curled up around his hairline and ears from the humidity, makes your stomach do flips. you shift, leaning up on your elbows as he pads away from the bed.

       “where are you going?” you wonder, frowning at his departure. he’s in the bathroom, the sound of the shower quickly following his footsteps. a second later, he returns to the bedroom.

       “gotta get cleaned up, darling,” he says. he tugs on one of your ankles as you lay there, and you oblige despite the fatigue in your limbs. “c’mon, let’s get this off.” he tugs at the hem of the shirt as he directs you into the bathroom.

        “can you wash my hair?” you ask, yawning as he pulls the shirt over your head.

        “‘course i can, dove. now, in we go...”

[angel-of-the-moons]

Eccentricities

Yandere! Miguel x Fem!Reader

TW/CW: NSFW, Dark Themes, Dead Dove Do Not Eat, Yandere!Miguel is a warning on his own, spying, peeping, camera use, masturbation (m)

MINORS DNI I AM NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR CONTENT YOU CONSUME

A/N: Enjoy my brain rot I now infect you all I'm so sorry it took me so long to finish

Taglist: @vineberries9 @irmiki @autismsupermusicalassassin @obi-mom-kenobi @rin-matsuoka345-blog @loosecan @6thhokageswife @selarus @heyohalie @sapphire-and-ruby @night-spectrum @famouscattale @thespaceinbetweennothing @lazy-idate @toshimoshiko @saharadesertaj @flaps200 @amelialysm @fried-milkfish @zaunsin

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Pt. 1

You weren't sure if it was your luck, or your resume that landed you probably the easiest, most well-paying job you've ever worked. But man, were you glad whatever did get it, got it for you.

Little did you know, it was neither.

The truth is... your boss, Miguel O'Hara, noticed when you emailed it to him. Something about the pictures attached stirred something up inside him.

Maybe it was the soft, Mona Lisa-like smile in your photos, or maybe it was something else entirely. He himself didn't know it, the reason why you immediately piqued his interest.

Sure, he's hired female employees before, one or two housekeepers. They were always buxom girls looking for the whole "boss having sex with his hot maid" cliché. One even tried to trick him with a false pregnancy test, just for him to call her out with a body scan right then and there.

And yeah... he almost always wound up fucking them. But that was it. They were good, warm holes to fuck, that was all. Fuck them until he got bored with them, and toss them out; that's what he would do.

Hell, some of them weren't even good fucks... He'd had better sex from random women he brought home from clubs.

Thank god for non-disclosure contracts.

But you... He had a feeling you would last longer than all of them. There was something about you.

And whatever it was, when he met you for the first time in person in that tiny café, was absolutely intoxicating. Your scent, your voice, the way your eyelashes batted your cheeks, even the shy shuffle of one foot behind the other as you spoke with him.

He could already imagine himself splitting you open with his cock, right then and there. Making you gasp, and scream and writhe and beg him to show some mercy at how he would pummel that sweet little cunt of yours; showing everyone there that you now belonged to him.

But patience is a virtue, and good things come to those who wait.

And Miguel O'Hara always got what he wanted, in the end.

It was just a matter of waiting.

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"I just have to say that, I... It's very generous of you to offer me a room to stay in, Mr O'Hara." You say as he leads you down the hall.

"I really can't thank you enough."

He sucked in an imperceptible breath at your little smile and twinkling eyes as you rocked your head back to look up at him and meet his red-brown ones.

He flashed a smile, charming. His teeth were crooked in some places, but for some reason it put you a bit at ease. Despite his sheer size, Miguel looked... Normal. Drop dead gorgeous "normal", but still. It made him... more relatable to know someone like him wouldn't immediately run to a dentist to fix his teeth to project an image of perfection. That he wouldn't give in to vain appearances.

"Of course. You don't have to thank me at all." He said, leading you down the hall of his impossibly large house--no, mansion--to where you would be living.

"All my previous maids have been given their own spaces to live in, it's easier on them so they don't have to worry about arriving late, or paying for taxis or finding their own ways to work." He replied casually.

"Oh, actually, I'm curious about that. I haven't seen other staff around here, why is that?" You chirp innocently.

"Ah, well..." He said, giving a strained smile. He had to think of something. Fast. He couldn't possibly tell you the real reasons why. Maybe.

Yet.

"They simply didn't work out. Many of them didn't follow direction well and were constantly challenging my authority."

You frown, your brows furrowed. "Okay, arguing with your boss sounds kind of... Dumb."

"Indeed." He chuckled, his voice a deep timbre that you swear sent shivers right through your very bones.

"And as for why you are currently my own employee? Well. I do like my privacy." He tells you.

God, the smell of your perfume and the way your lips sparkled from that lip gloss...

"Ahem. Technically, the only other person you'll be seeing is Lyla."

"Lyla?" You echoed.

"Yes. She's my... assistant. Artificial intelligence. Don't let her snark fool you, she's not so bad once you get to know her." He smirked.

He could hear your pulse quicken whenever he smiled.

"Oh! An AI? I've... I've never actually met one. Like a literal one, not the ones they program into taxis..."

"No, she's far more sophisticated than that. Expertly programmed by me, smart... And of course there's the sense of humor, I don't know where she got that... But she won't bother you often." He assured you.

"Oh! Of course..."

"Now, here's your room." He gave you a grin over his shoulder as he reached for the control panel of the double doors. He could hear your heart pitter patter already.

The doors opened with a dramatic whoosh, and Miguel stepped aside for you to walk in.

He felt a smug sense of pride at your shock of the huge room he'd given you for your own personal space, and how you'd murmured that it was larger than your whole apartment.

Luxuriously furnished, it looked more like some kind of... Of ten-star hotel room or something!

The way your eyes sparkled and your mouth parted in a soft, excited smile. Everything about you had his heightened senses on alert, but not in a bad way.

You looked so soft. So delicious. Something about you made him want to devour you, bit by tiny bit.

"Mr. O'Hara, I... Oh I can't thank you enough! This is..."

"I'll leave you to it." He chuckled, giving a wave as he walked past you back out into the hall.

Pausing in the doorway, he gave you one last look.

"And you can call me Miguel... Pequeña ave."

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He simply couldn't wait and had to violently suppress the urge to drop to all fours and leap like an animal to his office and check the well-hidden, practically invisible cameras he had planted in your room and bathroom.

The moment he entered his office, he locked the door and turned Lyla's access to the room off to leave him to his privacy in case she called him.

Miguel felt a buzzing beneath his skin at the thought of what you could possibly do once you've fallen into a sense of safety and privacy, especially since he'd given you permission to have a few days to become acclimated to your new environment before you had to start work.

He sat on his chair and immediately opened up the files on his monitor, selecting the camera feeds until holograms of you at various angles were projected for him to see.

He watched intently as you unpacked your clothes, placing them in the large ornate dresser.

He already made a mental note to hire movers to bring the rest of your meager belongings to his house.

Yes. Yes.

You would stay.

For as long as he wanted you. And right now he could see himself wanting you for a very, very long time.

The moment you flopped on the bed, your breasts jiggling so beautifully to him, the cute look of surprise as you sunk so deep into the downy mattress before settling in with a relaxed groan that sounded so pornographic to his ears it sent blood rushing straight to his dick.

He leaned back, running his tongue over his fangs as he continued to watch you unwind and unpack, careful not to prick the sensitive muscle on the sharp bone.

He watched you pull a small black box out of one of your suitcases and hastily move to hide it beneath your clothes in your dresser.

Bottom row, far left side, all the way to the back. He made a mental note to inspect that drawer later.

Miguel leaned in towards the projections and tapped the one of you nearest to your new closet as you slipped your blouse off and down your shoulders, revealing your back and the straps of your bra.

The leather creaked under his weight as he shifted, switching the angle to the one directly above the closet, facing down, getting a full downward view of your breasts.

He groaned and reached down to palm at his cock that throbbed in his trousers, stroking the clothed flesh in languid motions, vein beating relentlessly along the length.

He let out a guttural groan when you bent over, slipping your shoes off and placing them on the rack within the closet.

He switched angles as you bent over again and pulled your pants off, revealing your cute ass peeking out from the cotton, cherry-print panties you wore.

He ripped his trousers down to his thighs and fisted his cock in his large hand. He was disappointed you didn't notice he went without boxers today, or maybe you had but were too shy to look.

You were putting on quite the show.

Surely, you couldn't be this naive, right? So innocent? You couldn't just believe some rich man would let you, a cute, sexy little thing live in his house without planting cameras in your room and bathroom?

You must know. You must simply know, and that is why you are sashaying your hips this way and that as you dump your clothes into the laundry bin and grab the vinyl bag containing your hygiene products.

He used his thumb to smear the stream of precum leaking viscously from the head of his cock, groaning as he switched the feed to your bathroom cameras.

He watched you place your pads and tampons in one of the drawers of the vanity, organize your oral hygiene products next to the sink. He studied each bottle of vitamins you placed, his eyes picking up the words "prenatal" on one.

He dropped his head back with a groan and rolled his hips, languidly stroking his dick as his eyes rolled back.

Prenatals. You weren't pregnant, he'd be able to smell it if you were. But already the thought of fucking you full of his cum played in his mind.

His head snapped up when he heard the shower turn on and he frantically switched the feed to the shower cam.

He watched and listened as you hummed a little song to yourself, giggling at the rainfall-like streams that filled the stall.

The way your lips parted and you made that little "oooh" sound had him wondering how you'd sound when he fucked you so hard your eyes crossed.

He began to pump his fist harder, the rivulets of precum giving him ample lubrication to stroke himself.

He ran a hand through his hair as he panted, watching you as you slowly slip your bra off and toss it to the floor, along with your panties.

His hand smashed the control after to change the camera to one that had a better angle of you.

He made a sound that was almost a whimper as you closed the stall door, stepping under the steamy water with a happy and content sigh.

Miguel bit at his bottom lip, fangs threatening to prick the plush skin.

Everything about you was cute and sexy, even that cute little patch of hair between your legs, cut into the shape of a heart.

The thought of lasering that hair off and replacing it with a permanent tattoo of his spider symbol... His own little brand...

He moaned loudly into the dark of his office, feeling his balls draw taut as his orgasm got closer.

Your hands lathered in shampoo, you started scrubbing your hair, your flesh jiggling deliciously as you rinse it out, nails scratching at your scalp.

He wondered what you'd do if he pulled your hair, what sounds you'd make.

He wondered how you'd do if he pulled your hair and made you choke on his cock.

"Mierda!" He hissed, pinching the base of his cock in an effort to stave off his orgasm.

Miguel continued to watch, giving himself teasing strokes as you conditioned your hair right after.

His fist pumped harder and faster when you began soaping up your hands to scrub your skin, cupping your breasts and brushing over your hard nipples.

His breathing was so fast he was practically hyperventilating, the tip of his cock leaking more and more, the length of it throbbing and twitching as you washed the soap off.

When you slipped your hands between your legs to clean yourself there, all Miguel could do was moan pornographically, grabbing at his balls and stroking his cock as he arched his hips off his chair, his thick ropes of cum painting his fingers and dripping down to his palm, splattering a part of his leg and the underside of his desk.

He dropped down, sighing as the buzz of his orgasm slowly faded.

He cut the feed to your room.

And in the dark, bright, ruby-red eyes opened and a fanged smile bloomed.

He was going to enjoy making you his.

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Pt. 2: Link

[shuadotcom]

Stay ‘Till Sunrise | HJS + KMG (M)

☀ Summary: After years of pining and lusting over your best friends, your desperation finally gets the better of you and you decide enough is enough. Tonight is the night you’ll risk ruining the friendship to be with them in every way you can.

☀ Pairing: Joshua Hong x Fem!Reader x Kim Mingyu

☀ Genres & AUs: Smut, fluff, friends to lovers au, non!idol au, polyam au, porn with the barest of plots

☀ Rating: 18+ (MINORS & AGELESS BLOGS DNI. YOU WILL BE BLOCKED)

☀ Warnings: Profanity (especially the f bomb), alcohol, oral (f. receiving), creampie, pussy slapping (like 3 times?), squirting, spanking, hair pulling, choking, double penetration, unprotected sex, anal (f. receiving), fingering (f. receiving), dirty talk, kinda dom!shua, switch!gyu, subby!reader, praise and pet names (babygirl, pretty girl, darling)

☀ Words: 9.1k

☀ Note: This was a dream I had that I needed to put together in fic form and write so it will leave my head!! It’s also inspired by Ruin The Friendship by Demi Lovato! Big thank you to @sun-kore​ for being my amazing, wonderful beta! ❤️ And thank you sosososo much @playmetheclassics​ \ @classicscreations​ for this beautiful banner that I’m still obsessed with!! 😍

Tagging the lovely @the-boy-meets-evil​ because she asked 💛

Okay, you can finally admit it: you want to fuck your best friends.

Well, you want to do more than that. You want Joshua and Mingyu to take you out on dates and call you pet names no matter how corny and old-school they are. You want Mingyu to make you romantic dinners to celebrate milestones together and you want Joshua to make you a beaded bracelet every birthday filled with heart shapes and pastel colors.

You want the three of you to spend lazy mornings laying in bed, sharing body warmth and cuddling until you get hungry or someone has to pee. You want to spend holidays and anniversaries with them. You want to hold Joshua’s perfect hands and place kisses on Mingyu's perfect nose and be the most sickeningly cute, perfect polycule with them.

Every time you see a couple doing cutesy, cheesy couple things your mind always wanders to Joshua and Mingyu, imagining the three of you doing it too and your heart feels so warm at the thought.

Of course, when all of your soft thoughts of light kisses and hand-holding drift away they’re replaced with some not-so-soft thoughts.

Thoughts of Joshua using his big hands to choke you while he fucks you into your mattress and images of Mingyu’s strong arms gripping your legs hard as he makes you cum on his face over and over again. Your laundry list of dirty things you want to do with the two of them is long and extensive but then again how could it not be when they look the way they do?

You’ve known them for five years thanks to your roommate Seungcheol who’s known them for longer. Somewhere after the year three mark of knowing them, feelings for the two men morphed from friendly love for your sweet friends who do nice things for you all of the time to the realization that all of these sweet things have stacked up in your heart to accumulate to the massive, embarrassing,  crush you have on them now.

You love your whole group of friends of course, but they’ve always been the sweetest and easiest to get along with. You can always laugh at the same things as them, eat the same foods, and open up to them more than any of your other friends. Joshua and Mingyu make you feel safe and loved and cared for so of course your heart was bound to belong to them both.

They also happen to be some of the most beautiful men you’ve ever seen in your life.

Your eyes wander to Mingyu at this thought at his spot in the kitchen. He’s leaning back against the counter as he waits for the popcorn in the microwave. His arms are crossed as he scrolls on his phone and his long, dark hair hangs in his face. The slightly curly locks look soft and you know they are, seeing as you use every opportunity to playfully run your fingers through them.

He reaches up then, carding his fingers through the strands and you eye the wonderful way his biceps flex when he does, the sleeves of his t-shirt very noticeably hugging his arm. The arms that are so deliciously toned and hard that let you know just how strong Mingyu is and how easily he could probably toss you around and -

The ding of the microwave jolts you out of your long-running thirst thoughts about your friend. Joshua laughs from next to you, playfully poking your side.

“Did the microwave scare you?”

“I was zoning out!”

“Clearly. What were you even thinking about that hard?”

About one of my best friends absolutely wrecking my body in the most sinful of ways.

“Uh, my uh glass is empty. I was contemplating getting up for another drink.” You nod towards your empty glass on the coffee table, your skin burning up at getting caught fantasizing. It’s not a complete lie - before you were consumed with your constant Minshua fantasies, you had in fact been thinking about getting up for another drink.

But then Mingyu got up to make popcorn and you watched him walk away in his gray sweatpants at the same time that Joshua shifted on the couch and his thigh grazed yours and yeah. That’s how you ended up in such a daze.

“Oh, I’ll make you another.”

“No! You don’t have to!” You reach out to grab the glass before he can take it, but he simply bats your hand away and snatches it at the same time he gets up from the couch.

“Nope, I’m doing it.” He sends you a smile that has your heart doing cartwheels.

God, he’s so fucking sweet. You want to suck him off so badly.

“Me too?!” Mingyu points to his half-empty cup on the coffee table. He’s returned to his spot on the couch next to you, the bowl of popcorn balancing in one hand.

“What, are your legs broken? Guess you should’ve made it when you were up.”

“You’re mean!” Mingyu accuses, a pout forming on his face.

Joshua just chuckles at him, blowing him a kiss in response as he reaches the kitchen.

You’re so in love with them it’s disgusting.

He keeps a playful smile on his face as he makes your drink and it quickly morphs into determination as he eyes the different alcohols. You haven’t looked at him straight on since he and Mingyu arrived earlier in the evening for your bi-weekly movie night. You’re still both thanking and cursing the rest of your friend group for having plans and leaving you with your two biggest weaknesses tonight.

Joshua leans over the sink to rinse out your glass and the button-down he’s wearing - that’s already undone way too far in your opinion - exposes more of his smooth chest and it takes everything in you not to gape so openly. He’s nowhere as big as Mingyu, but you know for certain they’ve gone to the gym many times together and you know Joshua’s also built in a way that has you blushing and kicking your feet like a mad woman. He’s constantly wearing shirts that show off all of the honeyed skin of his neck, just begging to be covered in marks. And oh how badly do you want those marks to come from your lips and teeth.

“Can I put something else on?” Mingyu directs the question at both of you but is reaching over you already to grab the remote.

His body is so warm and he smells so good and you’re back to focusing on him again. The urge to reach out and cup his face just to gaze at him up close is strong, but you keep yourself composed.

“If you put on Spiderman one more time, I’m going to bite you,” you warn him, watching him open the search bar on the streaming menu.

“Come on! Every time we have movie night you and Shua try to put on too many scary movies!”

“The last one wasn’t even scary, it was just a thriller.” You roll your eyes at the man. “Don’t be a baby.” Your friends, especially you and Joshua, always tease the younger man about how whiny he gets when anyone puts anything remotely scary around him. Unfortunately for him, both you and Joshua love them and it’s two versus one tonight.

“It was a horror thriller! I saw the categories when it was over!” Mingyu continues leaning over you even after the remote is in his hand, so when he tilts his head back to look at you upside down, he’s so incredibly close enough to see every detail on his perfect face.

You’re the target of his pout this time, his plush lips looking oh-so inviting. Delusion kicks in at that moment and you swear you see Mingyu’s eye drift to your mouth too, neither of you moving away from one other.

Is he moving towards you right now? Kissing upside down seems hard and logistically, not that simple, but you’d never dream of rejecting Mingyu in this universe or any other.

“Move your big head!” Joshua interrupts whatever this was when he returns, waving your drink in front of your face. “Alright Y/n, I demand that you give me feedback on my bartending skills immediately.”

Mingyu jolts up, reaching quickly for a handful of popcorn and shoving it into his mouth. He gives Joshua a look that you can’t decipher. It’s quick and you nearly miss it, but it definitely looks like something. Ignoring it, you take your glass from Joshua, and he watches as you sip your drink, waiting for your verdict.

“It’s perfect,” you finally say and he breaks into a brilliant smile.

“I know.” He says rather smugly. “I always know what you like.” Joshua sends you a wink and you guess it’s that coupled with his words that conjure up a version of Joshua whispering that into your ear as he fucks you hard, knowing exactly how you like it and how to touch you.

To drown out the thirst and desperation in your head you start to chug the drink, aware of both men watching you gulp it down in record time.

“Be careful there, Y/n. I know it’s good but don’t get ahead of yourself.” Joshua’s hand finds your knee which doesn’t help you at all with the state that you’re in.

Clumsy hands reach out for the remote, announcing to them that you’ll be finding something to put on which steers the conversation into another debate of what to watch. You’re thankful for it because quite frankly, you need all the distractions you can get.

It’s nearly one in the morning when you suggest to them that they stay the night. None of you are drunk per se, but they are buzzed so driving home is off the table. Joshua suggests that they’ll take a rideshare since they don’t live far from each other, but you shoot that down.

“That’s stupid, just stay the night. We can keep hanging out.” You punctuate your words with your best pout to lay it on thick. To be honest, you’ve been debating all night if you want to make any moves to suggest you want to do more with them than watch movies but you haven’t decided yet and want a little more time. Plus you just don’t want to stop being around them.

“Fine, we'll stay.” Joshua decides for both of them. It hadn’t taken long at all for him to give in.

“Good!”

With that settled, you all take a movie intermission for bathroom breaks and showers before resuming. Since you’re in for the night you want to be more comfortable - and you need a second to try and get your mind sorted.

This wouldn’t be the first time that any of your guy friends stayed at your apartment for various reasons, so you’re able to fish out some extra sweats and shirts for them that have been left behind for various reasons.

Once you’re in your room with your door shut tight you pull off your clothes and get ready to shower. Now more than ever you’re thankful that when you and Seungcheol played rock, paper scissors to see who’d get the master bedroom, you won.

Speaking of your roommate, you think about him and send a text message as the water for your shower warms up. He went home for his brother’s birthday which gave you the blessing and the curse of being alone with the two men who are showering only a few feet away from you.

[Y/n] Cheol, are you up?

[Choi Seungcheollie] Yeah I’m up. The party is still raging on and my brother is absolutely wasted. He’s this close to getting us kicked out of this club 🙄

[Choi Seungcheollie] Why are you still up? Did Mingyu and Joshua leave already?

[Y/n] No, they're sleeping over. We’re not drunk off our asses but they def can’t be driving

[Choi Seungcheollie] They’re sleeping over huh? 🤔

[Choi Seungcheollie] Is tonight the night you’ll finally become the meat in the Mingyu and Joshua sandwich of your dreams?????

[Y/n] Stopppppppp I’m scared 😩 If I confess and they don’t feel the same our friendship is fucked you know this

[Choi Seungcheollie] You’re so dramatic. They worship the ground you walk on already, remember? Ask anyone.

[Choi Seungcheollie] Text Jeonghan I’m sure he’ll tell you the same

You most certainly will not be texting Jeonghan. You may also be close to him, but he still won’t hesitate to blackmail you to confess if he knew your current situation.

[Y/n] I’d rather risk potentially ruining the friendship myself than get that fucking villain involved

[Choi Seungcheollie] Fair point. Then all I’ll say is to just DO IT. It’ll go fine. You’ve been pining over them for literal years and I know these guys. This won’t be the end of your friendship.

[Choi Seungcheollie] Maybe just start with something small and see how they react.

You roll Seungcheol’s words around in your head. The desire weighing heavy in your stomach for them is the most it’s been in a long time. The fear of rejection and driving a wedge in between the three of you has kept your mouth shut all this time, but you’re really going through it tonight with the way you’re quite literally craving them. If you can come up with something small then it could be easier for you to read them.

[Y/n] Fine, I'll figure something out. If I get my heart broken expect a hysterical voice memo later!!

[Choi Seungcheollie] Good luck, Y/n! I’ll be here if you need me ❤️

After taking a quick shower, you finally decide the best course of action is your choice of pajamas. Instead of the cute cow set that you bought recently you decide on a black cotton night shirt that stops somewhere under your asscheeks with the matching panties that can easily be seen when you bend over - even just a little bit. Seungcheol said something subtle and you feel as though seducing them in your underwear is the most blatant yet wordless way of doing so.

Giving yourself a quick once over, you decide that forgoing a bralette is the most logical choice for your desired endgame, and make your way back out into the living room. Both men are on the couch looking at something on Mingyu’s phone when you enter and you watch as Joshua does a double take when looking up at you. He tries to subtly get Mingyu to notice you, but the latter isn’t too good with that, so Mingyu’s eyes on you are much more obvious.

“You guys showered already?” Your question is innocent, as is the way you ease into your seat between them. But, you do go out of your way to lift your night shirt so you don’t sit on it, exposing your panties as you sit.

“Yeah. We were just trying to decide if we wanted to order food.” Joshua’s words sound a little distant and a glance out of the corner of your eye tells you why. His gaze keeps darting between the tv and the expanse of your thighs that are exposed. The nightshirt is already short, but it’s risen nearly to the tops of your thighs when sitting. On your other side, Mingyu’s phone is still in front of his face but he’s doing a terrible job at pretending he isn’t looking at you.

Putting on a short shirt was the best plan of action you could conjure up on the fly, but it seems to be working.

“Up to you guys. I’ve got more snacks if you don’t wanna wait.” Both men make noises of acknowledgment but don’t make another move other than Joshua resuming to flip through Netflix.

Not a single part of you is paying attention to what Joshua puts on tv. It’s an anime you’ve seen but the men on either side of you are all you focus on. You’re no femme fatale in the slightest and your flirting could use some serious work, but you’d like to think their change in demeanor is a good thing. You continue shifting on the couch so that different parts of you graze against the two of them and each man reacts, albeit differently.

Mingyu lets out a lot of stifled sounds of surprise while Joshua clears his throat each time an arm or leg touches him but neither of them moves away or tries to create distance which keeps your small bout of confidence from fizzling out.

Eventually, your urge to make a bolder move is strong so you decide to be a little more blatant.

“I’m gonna grab a snack, do you guys want anything?”

“Nope.”

“No.” They rush their answers out in unison and you can’t help but smile to yourself.

You pull yourself up from the couch slowly, leaning forward as you do so the back of your shirt rides up and you know for sure your panties are visible. To up the ante, you drop your phone on the floor in front of the couch.

“Oops.” Before you can talk yourself out of it, you hold your breath and bend at the waist to pick it up, ass on full display. Mingyu lets out what sounds like a whimper from behind you, but you’re too nervous to turn around so phone in hand, you beeline for the kitchen, your back still turned to them.

Nerves are starting to outweigh the rush of horniness the night has brought you. What if you throw yourself at them and they completely turn you away? What if you do too much and it makes one or both of them so uncomfortable that it ruins your dynamic? The end result of the idea of confessing to them loops back around as it always does and you’re close to backing out as you always do and retreating to the safety of your room where you can daydream of what-ifs and touch yourself in peace.

“Hey, Y/n,” You almost jump out of your skin at the sound of Mingyu’s voice so close behind you. You hadn’t even heard him approach but you very much feel him. His broad chest is pressed against your back, his body heat rolling off of him in waves.

“H-hey,” Hopefully he doesn’t hear the way your voice trembles.

“You’ve been standing here for a while. Do you need help getting something?”

Truth be told, you have no idea how long exactly you’ve been standing in front of the cabinet. At the moment your brain is having trouble keeping up with much of anything other than how close your best friend is to you.

“Uh, um,” your eyes dart to the open cabinet in front of you, landing on the bag of cookies that are on a top shelf, out of your reach. When you say this to Mingyu, he leans forward, his torso pushing against yours, effectively pinning you against the counter as he reaches over your head. He smells so good and feels so warm and firm, your head is dizzy at all of these sensations hitting you at once.

“Here.” Minygu brings the bag of cookies to your eyesight, the snack right in front of you, but neither of you moves. Both of you seem to be holding your breath, waiting for the other to do something.

“Mingyu, I -” Your sentence ends with a choke as Mingyu jolts his hips forward, the bulge in his sweatpants poking you.

He retracts his hips quickly, almost so quickly that for a second you nearly believe maybe it didn’t happen, but you know what you felt. That’s why you decide in an instant to move your hips back to meet his crotch. Mingyu makes a hissing noise behind you, but again, neither of you moves away.

“Hey, we had a deal!” Joshua’s voice is what finally has you and Mingyu separating, the forgotten bag of cookies falling to the floor.

“Shit, sorry! I couldn’t help it!” Mingyu stamps his foot on the ground. You’d have found the gesture cute if you weren’t so confused.

“A deal?” You pipe up, neither man hearing you.

“I knew when you came into the kitchen you couldn’t be trusted.”

“I really did want to come to get something to drink! I just got distracted because she’s wearing that!”

“Likely story.”

“What are you guys talking about?!” You yell, both of them finally paying attention to you. They exchange a look. “And don’t do that annoying man telekinesis shit. I saw you do it earlier tonight  - tell me the truth!”

“We agreed that neither of us would go after you since we both like you!” Mingyu blurts in a rush, unable to meet your eyes.

“You what?”

“We just didn’t wanna fuck up our friendship with each other and you of course. We care about you and didn’t want to make things messy.”

Blinking at Joshua’s words, the wheels in your head work overdrive to comprehend what they’re saying.

“I’m sorry, you both like me?”

“I know it sounds weird, I got drunk at Chan’s birthday party last year and told Joshua when you were dancing with Soonyoung.”

“And then I told him I liked you too because I was also drunk and we promised neither of us would act on it and just hope our crushes went away.”

Wordlessly, you take in their confessions. You can’t believe you’ve been breaking your own heart this whole time. Ignoring your feelings, stressing over them, willing them gone for nothing. And to think, you wanted to seduce them so badly tonight when all you probably had to do was tell them and they’d take care of you.

“You’re not mad at us, right? I’m sorry if you think we’re creepy or whatever, we can totally leave!” Mingyu looks like a kicked puppy as he anticipates your answer, likely expecting a negative response.

“You guys are not leaving.” You finally say, both men looking surprised. “I’ve been talking myself out of liking you two for the last like two years and you’ve been into me this whole time. There’s no way I’m going to let you just leave after we’ve gotten all this out in the open.”

“I - you like us too? Both of us?” Joshua looks as surprised as you probably do.

“Both of you. A lot.” They share another look.

“So… what do we do?” Joshua starts. “I mean I’m fucking stoked that you just said that, but what do we actually do?”

“I’m open to the three of us, you know, being a thing.”

“Like, you date me, but also Joshua and we all date each other?” You nod at Mingyu’s words, holding your breath at their reaction.

A beat of silence goes by, neither man speaking before Joshua decides.

“Okay.”

“Okay?” You and Mingyu ask in unison.

“Okay, we can all date. It’s a win-win-win. I get to call Y/n my girlfriend finally and Mingyu is lucky enough to say he’s dating a catch like me.”

“Yah, you’re the lucky one! Do you how many people wanna date me? I’m a model for a reason, thank you very much.”

“Posting selfies and outfit of the day TikToks doesn’t make you a model, Gyu.”

“If I get paid to show this face then it’s modeling! Don’t be a hater.” Mingyu clicks his tongue.

“Hey!” Again you interrupt their bickering. “I really, really like both of you so much and I want to do so many dumb boyfriend-girlfriend things with y’all, and we can work out the dynamics of this whole thing tomorrow, but right now I am so insanely horny and I’d really like it if you guys could fuck me.”

Your best friends - now boyfriends? - gape at you and take too long to respond, so to speed things along you close your eyes and start to lift your nightshirt, stopping to expose your bare breasts to them. Both sets of brown eyes in front of you take in your half-naked form.

“Please,” you whine, peeking an eye open. You don’t care who moves first - you just wish one of them would.

Something in Joshua’s expression changes and his usual sweet face turns dark as he crosses the small distance between you two, his hands cupping your face as he smashes your lips together.

Kissing Joshua is heavier than you anticipate. His lips easily and skillfully take over yours, his tongue slipping into your mouth without much resistance on your end. Your body presses forward against his like a magnet and you need to grip his shirt to steady yourself against him. He holds your face with a tenderness that is a stark contrast to the way he’s desperately ravishing your lips.

“Fuck, I’m finally kissing you,” Joshua sighs in between kisses and you hum in agreement.

You get lost in the whirlwind that is finally making out with Joshua, but the feeling of another set of hands on your body snaps you back to reality. Mingyu has silently met the two of you in the middle of the kitchen, efficiently trapping you between both men. His just as soft lips ghost over your neck as his arms, almost trembling, wrap around your waist.

Mingyu has always been one of the softest men you’ve ever known. He’s a big boy with big arms and an even bigger heart. You can feel the nervousness and hesitancy radiating off of him. Prying your fingers from the death grip they have on Joshua’s shirt, you move one hand down to lie on top of Mingyu’s. Immediately your fingers slip between his to grip his hand tightly and let him know how okay with this you are and how safe he is here with all of you together like this.

It must’ve been the reassurance he needs because the next thing you feel is Mingyu’s teeth as they begin nibbling harder at the skin on your neck, clearly intending to leave marks. He pulls your hips back so you meet his erection digging into your lower back.

A whimper escapes you as your brain teeters on the brink of shutting off the more Mingyu leaves you reminders of tonight and the more Joshua kisses every breath out of you.

At some point, Joshua finally comes up for air, both of you panting for dear life. Mingyu spins you around and replaces Joshua’s mouth with his, his hands opting to grip your hips as he melds his lips with yours. Where Joshua’s kiss was dominant and thoughtful, Mingyu’s is soft yet desperate. Between moments to breathe, he slips in little nibbles on your bottom lip and kisses you as if he’ll never get another chance, which couldn’t be further from the truth.

Your fingers dart up to tangle in his midnight hair, tugging on the soft strands by the root.

“Fuck, Y/n…” Your name falls from Mingyu’s mouth in a groan and it’s probably the best thing you’ve heard in your life.

Wanting to hear it once more, you pull again, and he whimpers your name again. You go in for a third time, but he doesn’t let you. Instead, Mingyu swoops down with lips still attached to yours as he grabs hold of your thighs and quickly scoops you up off of the ground, plopping you on the kitchen counter.

“Wanna taste you so bad.” Mingyu pleads between kisses. His words shoot straight to your pussy and you nod your head so fast you nearly give yourself whiplash.

The sound of Joshua’s chuckle draws your attention up and to him. As Mingyu kisses down your body, inching your panties down on the way, Joshua holds your gaze.

He’s a sight directly out of your usual fantasies. A red hue fans out across the expanse of his neck, up to his round cheekbones, and reaches his pouty lips as he pulls his bottom lip between his teeth. Your eyes desperately follow his hand as it reaches up to push back his already messy hair, then moves back down to grip his obvious erection. He rubs himself a few times through his sweatpants, his eyes never leaving yours.

“Shua…” You mewl, hand feebly reaching for him.

“What is it, pretty girl?”

You falter at the pet name that falls from his lips so easily - and in a tone that you’re not used to from him.

“I - I want you. I - ohhhhh.”

Mingyu’s lips wrap around your clit and suck hard - any semblance of a sentence you had in mind withers away. His fingers dig into your thighs to keep a grip on you as his thick tongue alternates between lapping at your clit and darting in and out of you. The sounds of Mingyu eating you out like a man starved fills the kitchen, making you dizzy.

“Fuck, Gyu!” Mingyu’s tongue is sinful as he laps at you, making a mess of you even more than you already are. “So good….you’re so good.” Your hands find Mingyu’s hair and tug on the strands again causing the younger man to moan into you as he starts eating you out even rougher, his teeth nipping at your sticky skin and his nose bumping into your clit.

Joshua is next to you suddenly, his soft hands running up your thighs and under your nightshirt. He eases the fabric off of you and tosses it elsewhere. He’s immediately cupping your face again, pulling you in to capture your lips once more. His other hand moves down to grab your breast, kneading and squeezing with the right force to have you panting in his mouth.

Having both men on you like this, touching you everywhere you need it, kissing you everywhere you need it, has you approaching your orgasm quicker than you think you ever have before.

“Gyu baby, Shua, fuck, I-I’m gonna -” For the second time tonight they have you faltering, this time it’s because Joshua pulls away at the same time that he grips Mingyu’s hair and yanks his head from between your legs. Mingyu lets out a groan that meshes with your noise of frustration.

“Why?!” The man still kneeling pouts, looking almost devastated.

“I think this’ll work best in Y/n’s bedroom.” The words barely leave Joshua’s mouth before Mingyu is clambering up from the floor, lifting you from the counter, and placing you onto the floor. He intertwines your fingers and practically drags you to your bedroom.

“Mingyu, there’s no rush!” You try and reassure him, but he has you on your bed almost immediately as you enter the room and is kissing you again.

“I know, baby girl, but I need you so bad. I’ve dreamed about eating you out for fucking ever and you taste so good and I just need to do it before I explode.”

You can’t argue with that so after one more bruising kiss, Mingyu shuffles down the bed and gets comfortable between your legs before diving back in, his tongue thrusting into you once more. Who are you to deny a beautiful man practically begging to eat your pussy? Plus if Mingyu keeps calling you baby girl the way he did, you’ll let him do damn near anything.

Joshua comes into the room then, eyes fixated on the sight before him. You have enough strength amidst Mingyu consuming your soul through your coochie to reach out and stop Joshua before he climbs onto the bed.

“C-clothes off. It’s not - ahh - uh, it’s not fair th-that I’m the only one naked.” Your sentence is capped off with a moan as Mingyu sucks particularly hard.

“Hmmm. I should make you ask me nicer than that,” Joshua teases, pretending to think but it’s only for a second. “But I think I’ll let it slide this time. Next time I won’t be so nice.” The smirk he sends your way is lethal and has you clenching around Mingyu’s eager tongue.

Joshua makes quick work of pulling off his shirt and pants. You can barely marvel at the expanse of the smooth skin of his abs and the sheer size of his cock because Mingyu makes you cum then.

“Oh fuck, yes!” It hits you like a train and your body tingles as you cry out his name. You grip your sheets so hard that your fingers hurt as he peppers kisses all over your pussy, moaning after each smooch.

“You sound so good when you cum, pretty girl. Doesn’t she, Gyu?”

“Fuck, yeah. She does.”

“I wanna hear you cum again, darling. Can you do that for us?” Joshua’s tone is full of honey and sweetness as he licks his fingers and brings them to your clit. You nearly leap off the bed as he begins rubbing circles against you, wetness pooling between your legs as soon as he finds a steady pace.

“Joshua!” You squirm under his touch, both wanting him to stop due to the sensitivity and silently begging him for more.

“I think she wants more, Shua.” Mingyu muses, his breath feeling dangerously close to your inner thigh again.

“Oh yeah? Is that what you want, darling?”

“Mmhmm! Please!”

“Please what?” You wrench your eyes open to look down at them. Mingyu apparently shed his clothes in the time it took for your post-orgasm haze to clear. His hair is a mess and his pupils are blown wide as he stares, eyes darting between your core and your face. Joshua on the other hand is only staring right at you, his brown eyes full of desire as he skillfully rubs your clit, waiting for your response.

“P-please make me cum again,” it’s more a mumble than anything, feeling flustered at having both of them with their attention on you.

In response to the feeble attempt at begging, Joshua smacks your mound, the sting rushing through you deliciously. “You can do better than that, pretty girl. Wanna try again?” Another sharp smack follows and you squeal.

“Please, please make me cum again!” It’s almost a sob this time which seems to please Joshua because the next thing you feel is one of his long fingers slipping into your entrance, immediately having you buck your hips to meet his hand.

“So needy,” he coos at you, heat spreading over you even more, this time in embarrassment.

It doesn’t take long for Joshua to be able to slip another finger in, stretching you out even more. As he fucks you with his fingers, leaving you panting like an animal underneath him, he adjusts his position on his knees and leans up to take one of your nipples into his mouth.

“Fuuuuuuck!” Your second orgasm is fast approaching with the added stimulation, but it’s not until Mingyu decides to lean down and once again suction his mouth over your clit do you arch almost painfully off the bed, a garble of curses all that’s able to leave your mouth. The heat pools in your belly hot and heavy and this time it feels so much more intense than the first.

This time when you cum, an honest to god shriek rips from you, everything feels too fucking good and your senses going into overdrive. You feel your orgasm spilling out of you as you squirt for maybe only the second time in your life.

“Holy shit, Y/n. You just squirted all over me,” Mingyu marvels.

“That’s the hottest thing I’ve ever seen” Joshua finishes and Mingyu hums in agreement. You’re aware that they’re praising you and you’re giddy about it as the fog in your brain settles and eases away.

“How are you feeling, baby girl?” Mingyu checks in with you after you’ve had time to come down. “Do you want to stop? Because we definitely can.”

“Yeah, this can be it for tonight if you want it to be.”

“No!” You tiredly object, shaking your head furiously. “I’ve wanted this forever. Please fuck me? Shua, Gyu - ‘want you both so bad.” You hope your words convey your need for both of them, adding in a low-effort pout for good measure.

They both look at each other, having another one of their telepathic conversations without you. Instead of saying anything, you open your knees, sopping cunt on display to show them just how much you mean what you say.

A few seconds tick by before Joshua speaks. “Who do you want first?”

“Both of you.”

“Are you sure?”

“A thousand, million times yes. Please don’t make me beg anymore, you said you were being nice to me this time.” You hope you’re batting your eyelashes enough to encourage them to scoop you up and finally do something.

Thankfully it works as both men move into action, maneuvering you and themselves into a position that works best. You all agreed on no condoms since you’re all clean and you’re well-protected yourself.

Joshua’s underneath you as you straddle him, his lips moving sloppily against yours as Mingyu kneels behind you. Joshua has done a good job of distracting you with groping and kissing as Mingyu preps you, already one finger deep in your ass.

When he adds more lube and eases in a second finger, you hiss against Joshua’s mouth at the added stretch.

“Ssh, you’re doing so good pretty girl.” More praise is sung by Joshua as he massages your tits.

“Our good, pretty girl,” Mingyu adds from behind, the other hand that isn’t working you open rubs, and gently kneads your ass cheeks, both men working to relax you.

Their words and touches help, and soon, Mingyu is pulling his fingers from you and tapping the swollen, lubed-up head of his dick against your puckered hole.

“I’ll go slow,” he reassures you as he does. Slowly, he starts to push into you, this stretch stinging so much more. When you let a whimper slip, Joshua’s hold around your middle tightens, keeping you close to him and peppering your face in kisses.

Fuck, Mingyu is big. You finally had a chance to see what you were in for as you were all getting into position and this would certainly be a feat for you - quickly seeing how literally everything about Mingyu is big. You already knew this would be a stretch you’ve never felt.

Mingyu is true to his word and pushes into you gradually, inch by tantalizing inch. It seems like hours go by before he’s fully sheathed inside of you, neither of you moving until everyone is in position.

“Doing okay, darling?” Taking a deep breath you nod at Joshua and he gives you another kiss before lifting his hips, lining himself up with your pussy, and pushing in, just as carefully as Mingyu had. Joshua’s cock isn’t as big as Mingyu, but it’s still impressive enough and plenty thick, the girth alone stretching your walls almost painfully.

Once he’s buried in all the way, no one moves, letting you adjust. Your eyes slip closed as you register how impossibly full you feel and take in how heavy all of you are breathing as you wait.

“Please move,” you finally stutter.

Both of them give your body a shallow thrust to test and that alone has a long, drawn-out moan spilling out of you. Gradually, their thrusts get faster and rougher, giving you more and more until they’re both full-on drilling into you, your body jolting back and forth so fast you can barely keep up.

The wet, squishing sounds of your arousal and the lube fill the room along with the smacks of skin on skin and the harsh spanks Mingyu has started leaving on your ass.

“You’re taking us so well, baby girl,” Mingyu pants out, his hands feeling like fire as they press indents into your skin.

“So, so well, pretty girl. I didn’t know you could take two cocks at the same time,” Joshua’s words are breathy as he bucks his hips up into yours, but they’re no less dirty and teasing.

“I-I’m so f-full…” To your ears, your words sound like gibberish as they both find the perfect rhythm that has your eyes rolling back.

“Yeah? You like being stuffed like this? Two cocks shoved inside of you?” Joshua’s hands are still wrapped around you to hold you steady, punctuating his words with sharp rolls of his hips.

“You like both of us abusing your tight little holes?” Those words come from Mingyu and are punctuated with his fingers in your hair this time, his nails scraping your scalp.

“Yes! Fuck yes, fill me up,” The all too familiar heat starts to churn in your stomach, your walls clenching around both of them as you feel your orgasm brewing. “I’m so fucking close, please!” It’s a needy cry but both of them hear you, their paces becoming quicker and rougher. Mingyu’s fingers stayed buried in your hair, pulling you up just enough to expose your neck. One of Joshua’s big hands moves to grip your neck, using it for leverage to snap his hips up more.

“Gonna cum for us again, pretty girl?” You can’t nod well with his hand where it is, but you hope he at least hears the ‘yes’ that you rasp out between the whines and moans you’ve been letting out.

Your hands, which have been holding you up, start to wobble at the force they’re fucking into you, but you still do your best to move one up to rest over Joshua’s still on your neck. You squeeze around it to try and indicate to him what you want.

“Oh? I think our girl likes to be choked, Gyu.” Involuntarily, you clench and Joshua falters in his pace a little. “Fuck, she just squeezed me so hard - that must be a yes.”

“I think she likes getting her hair pulled too.” Mingyu tugs hard at his words and you manage out a pathetic squeak in response.

Now that they both know what you like, they don’t hold back as they take you to the end. Mingyu tugs your hair so hard it burns, but you like the pain so it pushes you closer.

“Oh, oh oh! Gonna c-cum!” And then you do, with Joshua’s fingers around your neck tightening, succeeding in cutting off your air as you cum for a third time. Your mouth opens in a silent scream, fireworks exploding behind clenched eyelids, and your body goes rigid as the pleasure engulfs you.

“Shit… fuck!” Mingyu cums right after you, not bothering to pull out as he shoots his hot load into you. His groans turn into breathless sighs of your name until he begins slowing down, fucking his cum back into with shallow thrusts.

When Joshua cums next, he releases the grip on your neck so you can greedily gulp air back into your lungs. Both of Joshua’s hands hold your thighs, his nails biting into the skin, as he bucks up into you one, two, three more times before pulling out and cumming between your bodies. His whines are just as desperate as you and Mingyu’s as he empties himself, relishing in the feeling of his dick pressed between your sticky bodies.

Your shared, ragged breaths fill the room, their hips slowing to a leisurely pace until eventually, they stop moving altogether. Mingyu takes his time easing himself out of you and you feel his cum trickle down your ass, earning a groan from behind you. Now that you’re empty again, your eyelids fall shut, draping yourself completely over Joshua’s body.

You hear him chuckle from under you, your body wants so badly to drift off to sleep.

He can tell, because Joshua doesn’t let you do so, telling you everyone needs to clean up first. You try to object, wanting to power down right there, but they will hear nothing of it.

Mingyu is tasked with taking you to the shower and cleaning you up while Joshua changes your extremely soiled sheets. You spend most of the shower leaning against Mingyu’s chest, but he’s more than happy to do most of the work to clean you.

Joshua comes in at some point and fits himself into the small shower with both of you, sandwiching you between both men once again. His gentle hands rub circles on your back, applying light pressure to your sorest muscles.

When everyone is clean again, Mingyu helps you out of the shower and wraps you in a towel, starting to dry you off. He removes your shower cap - which you luckily weren’t too fucked out to forget to tell him you needed - and leans down to place a small kiss on your nose. Mingyu smiles from ear to ear at the giggle you let out and he can’t help but give you a few more pecks all over the rest of your face.

He and Joshua help you back to your bedroom and you immediately crawl into bed, your satin pillowcase practically calling your name.

“Wait, Y/n, what pajamas do you want?”

Shaking your head at Joshua, you finally reach the top of your sheets and burrow into the bed. “No pajamas. I usually sleep naked when Cheol is out of the apartment.”

“Say no more!” Mingyu flops himself down onto the bed without a second thought, efficiently trapping you under the covers.

“Gyu, let me out!”

“Not until you say something nice to me!”

You let out a laugh and feel around the covers to try and find his sides. “Now it makes sense why you always want to be babied - you have a praise kink!” When you find what feels like his toned torso, you grab at him, tickling him the best you can through the fabric.

Mingyu lets out a shrill yelp and flings himself off of the bed to avoid your hands. Joshua bursts into laughter along with you and moves to uncover you from the bed linen. Your first sight is his beautiful smile, his eyes crinkling into the most perfect half-moon shapes. Whenever Joshua looks at you like this - his most beautiful, carefree self - you want so badly to kiss him and experience the moment with him. This time, you remember that now you can do that and so you do. Without a second thought, Joshua is kissing you back, a smile still on his lips as you melt into him. Everything about tonight has felt so perfect - especially this moment right here.

“Hey, me next!” Mingyu whines as the bed dips next to you as he climbs under the covers. You and Joshua pull away, the stars in his eyes twinkling at you, and he lets you go to give your attention to Mingyu.

“I didn’t realize I was getting such a bratty boyfriend,” you tease as you turn to face him, his arms zipping out to wrap around you and pull you close.

“Don’t act so surprised. You’ve known me long enough that you should’ve known. And now it’s too late and you’re stuck with me!” Mingyu winks at you, swooping down to kiss you. It’s true - your beautiful boy has been a big baby from the first day you met him when he whined to Wonwoo about sharing one of his books with him.

“You’re lucky I think you’re too cute to say no to you.” You get the words out in between kisses and chuckles.

“You say that as if you don’t use your cuteness for evil just like him.” Joshua accuses as he flips off the bedroom light, your automatic nightlight across the room glowing a soft orange. He’s last to climb into bed, moving to spoon you with an arm around your waist.

“When do I do that?!”

Scoffing, he gives you a pointed look as he leans on his elbow to look down at you. “All the time! Yesterday when we were at that sushi place you batted your cute little eyelashes at me every time my sushi got to the table and you wanted a taste.” Okay, he’s got you there - you had intentionally pulled out the big guns to taste everything new he ordered.

“Yeah well, maybe you shouldn’t let yourself be swayed so easily.”

“Wow, I can’t believe you just victim-blamed me!”

“And I’ll do it again!”

Mingyu cracks up, his whole body shaking as he laughs.

“Hey, don’t encourage her!”

“But she’s funny and cute!”

“Tsk, tsk. Don’t be so defiant baby boy.” Mingyu chokes on his spit at Joshua’s teasing, staring wide-eyed at the older man from over your head.

“You’re so evil! I remember when you first moved to Korea - you were so sweet! I blame Jeonghan!”

“How about all of us are equally cute and Jeonghan is the root of all evil and now we can go to bed okay? Y’all bicker too loudly to sleep through.” You efficiently silence them, Mingyu sticking his tongue out at Joshua in the dim light but that’s the end of it. Goodnights are passed around and you get two goodnight kisses, one on your forehead and one on your cheek. That’s all you need to fall asleep, surrounded by so much warmth.

Sunlight peeks through your blinds in the morning and when you adjust in your sleep, it leaks through your eyelids. You squint your eyes open a crack, glaring at the offending rays. After blinking a few times to adjust to the light, you glance down, smiling warmly at the sight. Mingyu’s much larger body is attached to your side, his long limbs wrapped and tangled in yours. You can’t see his face from this angle, but his slow breathing lets you know he’s still asleep, shuffling just a bit as he snuggles closer into your chest.

You turn your head to the opposite side, both to get away from the streaks of the sun and to see Joshua’s sleeping face. His eyes are still closed, and the corner of his plush lips are curled up a little, even as he’s dreaming. For what feels like the hundredth time since last night, you’ve felt like this whole thing is a dream, finally having the men you care about the most here with you like this.

“Morning, pretty girl,” Joshua whispers suddenly and you can’t help but jump. You hadn’t realized you had zoned out staring at him.

“Morning, Shua.” He opens his eyes and meets yours, your skin heating up under his gaze. “I didn’t mean to stare!”

“Oh, that’s too bad because I was staring at you on purpose before you woke up.” He winks at you, succeeding in flustering you.

“You’re just going to spend this whole relationship being a worse flirt than you were before last night aren’t you!”

“Mmhmm. And just like Gyu said, it’s too late and you’re stuck with me!” Joshua’s expression turns wicked, mischief clear on his face.

“Shua no, Gyu’s still asleep!” Joshua doesn’t listen, because of course he doesn’t, and digs his fingers into your sides, tickling you. “N-No!” You can’t help but scream, trying to squirm away from him.

Your sudden yell has Mingyu’s head springing up, bleary-eyed but still panicking. “What’s going on?!”

A sudden commotion in the hallway catches your attention and Seungcheol comes barrelling into your open room, hands raised in fight mode. “Y/n are you alright?!” He freezes when he sees you, Mingyu, and Joshua, wrapped up in your sheets, also frozen and staring back at him. “Oh. I thought you were being hurt.” His tone is flat as he drops his fists.

“Cheol, you’re back early! I thought you wouldn’t be back until the evening.” His lack of reaction upon walking into this has some of your embarrassment starting to ebb away.

“Yeah, my brother and I had a fight so I ended up leaving early. I just got home a few minutes ago.”

“Aw, I’m sorry to hear that. Do you wanna talk about it?”

Your roommate snorts, his eyebrows raising at you. “You don’t exactly seem to be in the position to talk about my feelings, Y/n.”

“Oh. Well, give me a few minutes and we’ll get up and we can come sit down with you!”

“Nah, Jeonghan is expecting me at his place. I was texting him last night about our fight so he said I can come over when I got in. I just wanted to drop my suitcase off.”

“You texted him first about the fight?! Why not me?!” You huff at him. Seungcheol always confided in you first - since you lived together it just came naturally that you vent to each other first when something upsets you.

“Now be for real, Y/n - you were clearly quite busy after we texted last. Would you have answered me if I texted you at like three?” The struggle to try and remember when exactly Mingyu had started eating you out in the kitchen is real and you can’t come up even a guess of what time that was. “That’s what I thought. See you kids later and stay safe!”

The three of you say your goodbyes, listening to his retreating footsteps before you hear him stop.

“Oh, and if you get a bunch of messages in the group chat all of a sudden, you may wanna just mute it.” He calls down the hall.

Frowning, you share a look with Mingyu and Joshua before answering. “What? Why?”

You almost ask him again, thinking he left without answering, but then he quickly rushes the answer. “Because Jeonghan started a betting pool when he figured out - on his own may I add - that you liked Joshua and Mingyu and he wanted to see how long it would take you to confess to them and I have to tell him he lost!” He speaks fast, but you still hear every word.

“He what?! Seungcheol get back here!” Instead of an answer, he sounds as if he runs down the hall and a second goes by before the front door opens and then closes.

It’s just like you said - Jeonghan is the root of all evil. You fully intend on sending him a scathing text message, but then Mingyu starts kissing your shoulder and neck at the same time that Joshua begins drawing slow yet deliberate patterns over your thighs and hips. They probably sense your aggravation and are easily intending to redirect you. Mingyu also mentions something about making you breakfast in between smooches which also diverts your attention - your empty stomach very noticeable.

Their distraction tactics work of course because soon your mind is redirected to Joshua and Mingyu only and no one else. You’ll deal with the rest of the world later - your ain’t shit friend included - deciding to instead focus on the two beautiful men you get to not only stay friends with but also that you get to be so much more with, which feels like a dream within itself.

[robocoplesb]

Hey! Thanks for answering my question<3

I saw that you have smut posted but if you don't want to write that I can request something sfw.

I'm also taking requests so feel free to message me <3

Request;

Can I have a Nikki Sixx smut where reader is Nikki's soft spot and he's an asshole to everybody but her, so when she's being a brat at soundcheck for the Dr. Feelgood tour he just takes her back to his dressing room and gives her some softdom punishment? Like praising and thigh riding and stuffs?

Thankies!! ^^

I HATE EVERYONE ELSE IN THE WORLD BUT YOU, nikki sixx.

warnings: smut, thigh riding, blowjob, kisses, jealous!nikki, longfic (?), you and nikki have a long term relationship, praise, degradation, punishment.

author's note: hey bae! apologies for the delay. this is probably the longest thing i've ever written, i hope you don't mind. i don't have that much experience writing smut so I'm sorry if it didn't turn out the way you wanted! also, really liked your blog:) good read, kisses<3

“— do you think...like...he's okay?” — tommy asked you, almost static as you two watched nikki argue with a random sound crew guy.

“— uhum.” — you muttered, with a carefree expression. you knew better than anyone how stressed nikki was lately. you were probably the only person who understood him, who understood how important that album was to him and how he was really trying. during the recording of the album, you waited for him at home late at night, just to listen to him and be able to help with what was possible.

even though vince, tommy and mick thought you didn't care much for his sudden humor outbursts, you were always keeping an eye on him. did you know that most of the time, he just started yelling at people on pure impulse, but still wanted to prevent something worse from happening.

and, well, the boys loved you like you were part of their “family”, from the moment they met you as nikki's new girlfriend, a few years ago, they knew you weren't like the others. you kept pace with nikki, but were still very responsible and decided, and that was exactly what he needed. the thing is: not even all that affection they had for you was able to make them not be confused by how nikki was with you compared to others. it was obvious to everyone that you were the love of his life, yet they still couldn't understand how he could be so sweet to you while being such an asshole to everyone else.

and that was exactly what tommy was thinking about when he didn't even notice the bassist approaching you two. but you notice, you took a deep breath and smiled as your eyes followed nikki's figure, relieved because he dropped the argument.

tommy winced, noticing the annoyed expression on nikki's face as he walked. before he could start thinking about the thousands of shit nikki would shout at him at that moment, he saw nikki's expression change instantly as he walked towards you.

“— hey, princess.” — he says to you as he passes by you two, not forgetting to leave a peck on your lips.

honestly, for the drummer, there was no logical explanation for what happened between you and your boyfriend. he starts to consider bringing the idea of always keeping you around to vince and mick, thinking it was the easiest way to deal with nikki.

tommy turned to where you were sitting next to him, wanting to tell you a joke about it, but you weren't there. he quickly scans the stadium and stage, trying to find you. he can see you running after nikki to the dressing room before the two of you disappear behind the curtains.

★

the boys were about 20 minutes waiting for nikki, they had agreed to meet in the stage in ten minutes, for soundcheck, but all they knew was that, according to tommy, you and him disappeared somewhere backstage to make out. mick, visibly irritated, prepared to grab his guitar and head back to the dressing room when the bassist finally appeared. he seemed calmer, it was evident for the stupid smile on his face and (your) red lipstick stains on his neck. the guitarist wants to punch him for how calm he looks even though he knows he is 20 minutes late.

by the time he arrives at his position on stage, you sit in another corner of the stage, a little away from the musicians.

"— so, are we starting this shit or what?"

they went through five songs before the first break (which happened because vince said he wanted to go over some more lyrics again). nikki slung the bass over her shoulder and looked at where you were a few minutes ago, recording the soundcheck. he remembers seeing you there at the beginning of the last song, but now, you weren't there anymore.

he looked back and saw tommy walking to the dressing room. he shouted, getting the drummer's attention.

“— tommy, have you seen yn around here?"

“— nah, man. she must have gone to get some water or something” — he said quickly and went back on his way.

nikki imagined the same and didn't care too much at first, walking to his own dressing room. at least, he didn't care too much until he saw where you were. or better, who you were with. when he looked at the door, a plate with his name carved behind you and a very familiar man. evan-fucking-decker. he stood there, watching, trying to figure out the possibility of evan decker showing up backstage at a mötley crue concert and meeting you.

so, evan was like a roadie for the band for a few years, a long time ago. things kind of ended with him when he and nikki had an little intense argument. years later, at a festival, they met again, but this time you and nikki were already together. your boyfriend was at least surprised when you and the blonde recognized each other. when you were alone again, you told him you met evan as teenager, at summer camp, and that you stopped talking after he confessed liking you.

normally, nikki didn't give a shit about things from the past, like relationships and stuff like that. however, nikki remembered one time talking to evan late at night, drinking and talking about their lives. he remembered evan telling about a girl he fell in love with when he was younger. he remembered the whole story, actually, including the part where he said he hoped to meet her again someday, maybe get a second chance. maybe that memory made him think he noticed something different in evan's look at you. after that day, you met a few more times, always at music-related events, but nikki always looked sulky when he saw that man's face. until today, you didn't knew why.

“— sixx! it's been so long!” — fuck. did he really have to talk to that guy?

nikki fakes his best smile as he walks up to you both, putting an arm around your waist and leaves a kiss on your cheek.

“— hey, evan, didn't know you would be here today!” — he said, trying to sound as friendly as possible as his hand lightly squeezed you waist.

“— ah, my friend is helping with the production. decided to stop by to visit an old friend.” — evan looked at you as he spoke, blushing a little.

you laughed as nikki tried very hard not to open that dressing room door and lock himself in there with you until he left. the feel of your head resting on his shoulder may have been what calmed him down.

“— so, hm..you are...like..” — he said, looking a little nervous when he noticed how close you and nikki were.

“— yes! for three years. you didn't knew?"

nikki thanks you for answering before him. for him, it was amazing the way evan's expression changed from excitement to disappointment. he wanted to laugh, looking like a bully kid at school.

“— no..hm, i heard something about it but i didn't believe.” — he said, kinda awkwardly .

“— why not?” — you asked, laughing, like it was a joke.

“— ah, you know...” — he chuckles — “— you are kind of opposite spirits.”

you got confused. in fact, one of the reasons you were attracted to nikki since the first time you saw him, it was how you felt he was the first person who shared the same thoughts as you. how you felt understood.

before thinking of an answer, you turned to your boyfriend, noticing how silent he was. something nikki didn't know about you is that you could read his thoughts just by hearing his voice on the phone. you always knew how he was feeling, and although there were few times he got jealous of you, did you notice his grip on your waist, almost possessive, and the look at evan, almost murderous.

you thought it was funny, and it was a good opportunity to get rid of the boredom you was feeling all morning. you quickly say goodbye to evan, pushing nikki into the dressing room.

“— finally.” — he says, taking a deep breath and sitting down on the couch. “— i can't stand that guy.”

you laughed as you closed the door. you went to the couch too, sitting on nikki's lap.

“— i can't believe you're jealous of a guy i haven't seen in almost three years.” — you said in a mocking tone as you settled into his lap, wrapping your arms around his neck.

“— apparently, three years wasn't enough for him to forget you.” — he rolled his eyes, trying hard not to give in to your touch.

“— why are you so affected by this?” — you asked as looked into his eyes. “— i didn't even remember his name. i'm not his friend since i was 15. i thought you were more confident..” — you smiled, teasing him.

“— and i thought you were smarter.” — he said seriously, making you start to get annoyed at his childish behavior. “— honestly, he fucking asked if we are dating, when he knows we are, because you said it when he met us at that festival. he was literally waiting for you to say no so he could take you to the nearest bathroom and-”

“— fine! fuck it, i understood!” — you interrupted him, putting your hand over his mouth for him to stop talking — “— fucking gross, sixx.." — you said a little disgusted, wondering how he was going to finish that sentence.

he gently grabbed your wrist and removed your hand from his face. “— well, that's exactly what he wants, whether you like it or not. and, you know, i'm generally not a big fan of guys who want to try their luck with my girlfriend.”

you smile and hold back your laughter "— i'm not going to argue with you because you look really cute when you get all possessive." — you get closer, leaving a few kisses on his face.

and nikki tries to maintain that tough pose, but when he feels you so close, after 20 minutes away, and knowing that now he will have to spend at least an hour without touching you, it seems like pride just disappears. nikki has always been like this with you, but only with you. it was physically impossible for him not to treat you like a goddess 100% of the time. and he saw you like that, as a point of light and comfort in his mind, he absolutely adored you.

you giggle against his skin as you feel his fingertips caress your hips. you pull away and stare at him for a moment. god, nikki was the most beautiful man in the world, you were sure of that.

his redemption to your charms is sealed by the gentle kiss he leaves on your lips. he feels like he melts with the artificial strawberry taste on your lips, pulling you closer until it's impossible to deepen that kiss any further. but it was still gentle, the way he held you by your waist, or how he smiled when he felt you moan softly against his lips, it was gentle.

you wish it had lasted longer. in fact, if you had known that the conversation with evan would take up so much of the time that you and nikki could have been making out on the couch, you would've said goodbye before. but you only realized when mick's angry voice sounded through the dressing room.

“— seriously, sixx, feel free to get into yn's pants AFTER the show ends, preferably”

you realize that nikki is ready to shout some childishness at mick, but thinks it's not worth it. you two would have more time after soundcheck, right?

before he says anything, you grab his face and kiss him again. less time consuming, sweet enough to make him forget whatever he was going to yell at mick.

you get off his lap and he kisses you one last time before going back to the stage. a simple goodbye that can't hide how much you both wanted to not care about any of that and can simply extend that moment.

★

"— who's that?” — nikki heard tommy ask, but didn't even bother to answer.

actually, tommy didn't care, but he was a little worried about nikki. he saw the bass player standing still for the last 10 minutes after the sound check was over. he thought nikki was going to run into his arms, but he was just staring at you talking to some random guy from afar.

“— ...nikki?” — tommy put his hand on nikki's shoulder, surprised when he felt the bassist walk away abruptly in your direction. confused, he just turned around to sort out his own things.

so, contextualizing, maybe you felt a little bored after a long 20 minutes of lying on the couch and listening to the band practice. I mean, not that it was boring. you loved life on the road, and loved accompanying the boys on tour, but you just didn't do much more than watch the boys all day before going back to the hotel.

it started as a silly joke, you thought nikki didn't even notice. you told evan that you were sorry for saying goodbye so hastily, he just laughed and said he understood. you said a few things to see if he would continue the topic, which he did without hesitation. so, you weren't sure how long you had been here, briefly listening to everything evan was saying, nodding your head to pretend you were paying complete attention as you let yourself catch your eye on nikki on stage from time to time.

you caught him staring a few times, which was the only reason you stayed where you were. you thought it was funny that nikki thought nvan liked you, because besides thinking it was stupid, all you could think about was how impossible it was. he was a nice guy, but wasn't even close to being your type.

In fact, you weren't so sure you thought he was that nice when you felt something akin to relief at being pulled away from him. the weak grip of nikki's hand on your arm, pulling you back to the dressing room, makes you laugh as you look at your boyfriend's serious expression.

“— baby, what's that?” — you say, laughing softly, knowing that nikki's temper wouldn't last long.

and he doesn't answer you, just opening the door and slipping into the room with you again.

"— no, sincerely, what the fuck was that?" - he lets go of your arm, sitting on the couch while rubbing his temples.

"— it was your girlfriend talking with someone, stupid” — You said, testing his patience. you weren't trying to be mean to nikki, you were just interested in the consequences that would bring you.

“— oh no, don't act innocent. you weren't even paying attention to what he was saying!"

“— how do you know? you weren't there!” — you say, holding back a laugh.

ge leans back on the couch, looking at you. “— because not even when you try can you take your attention away from me, right?"

you smile and cross your arms, walking towards him. you slowly sit on his lap, searching for any trace of calm on nikki's face. the depth in his greenish irises is what makes you want to go all the way. you feel his hand go up from your knee to your thigh, you place your hand on top of his, caressing the tips reddened from the bass.

“— you are terrible at teasing” — you both laugh as you adjust yourself on his lap, facing him.

“— really? it's not how you reacted...” — you smiled mischievously as you felt his hands running around your waist.

you know you have what you wanted when you feel the hunger of his lips against yours. the desperate way he squeezes your waist, pulling you closer, wanting more. you moan against his lips during this, feeling the pressure of his leg against your intimacy as he guides your body closer to his.

you immediately feel like you should have held in that fucking moan, because the next one is even louder, when nikki purposely presses her thigh against your clothed pussy again. despite the layers of your clothes, the warm feeling that spreads through your body is not light and it makes you want to cry knowing that he would still tease you for a while longer.

"— that's what you were thinking this whole time, baby? all needy...” — he laughs. you try your best to focus on what he was saying, but you just can't. you feel your body needy, fighting for more contact with nikki's, at a point where it's all you can think about.

you run your fingers along the zipper of his pants, trying to undo it, but is interrupted by nikki's hand patting yours, scolding you.

“— uh-huh...not yet” — the smile he gives you says enough, he wants to see how far you'll go for this. honestly, you could kneel down and beg at that point, but along with the excitement, your ego stayed with you at that moment. "— i won't touch you yet, pretty thing. i want to see how you will relieve yourself now.”

"— nikki-” — you pant, not sure if you can handle his teasing right now.

“— what, honey? did you think i was going to give you everything so easily?” — he took your hand from his crotch, bringing it to his lips and leaving a chaste kiss. “— you will show me that you deserve it first. actually, we both know you don't, hm? but I'll give you what you want anyway, I'll just make you beg a little”

and that's exactly what he does, in that way that he knows turns you on. the cynical look and that provocative smile that never leaves his face as he follows your every move.

he has fun with it all. you let out a whimper of dissatisfaction as you grip his shoulders, revolted by the idea of having to reach your own climax even when your fucking boyfriend was beneath you.

you started with quick movements, using all the strength your sensitive body had at that moment to continue the movements up and down nikki's thigh.

you're sure that with every inch your sex travels against his leg, you get more wet. you try to hold back your moans, wanting to show some control in the situation, but it is impossible. you feel small at nikki's look, frustrated with how he was managing to control himself.

he controls himself well, biting his lip while an arm is around your waist, he looks serene despite the fact that he's holding himself back from ruining you on that couch.

and it was hard to control himself while you looked such a beautiful mess on him. the messy hair, the lip gloss smudged on the corner of the mouth, the shirt strap falling off your shoulder (which made him groan softly when he realized you weren't wearing anything under your shirt)

he could feel the tightness in his own pants as you moved more intensely, listening to the pornographic noises you made. he was sure he could hear it outside the dressing room, he just didn't really care. it wasn't like you could just let yourself care about it now, too busy pleasing yourself.

you pressed your face against nikki's neck, slightly muffling your moans, not like it helped. your whimpers turned into long moans, full of need. nikki understood why your moans became even louder against his skin, noticing how you are trying even harder to move.

“— what, princess? got tired of rubbing yourself like a little whore on me?" — he said mocking.

panting, you hold onto him tightly when you stop moving, feeling your pussy dripping with excitement. he leaves a slap on your ass before grabbing it, his big hands not being gentle at all as he brings his lips closer to your ear.

“— that's what you are, right, baby? my desperate little whore..."

you nod your head. “— i am.” — you whisper. It's funny to see how you struggle to hold onto his words, all to show yourself as his possession.

that's how he made you feel. his. his girl. his whore. all his. and this feeling you gave him, the feeling of possession, of having you, it was the purest confirmation that he was yours just the same.

"— you are, huh?” — he laughs. nikki's hand goes behind your neck, making you look at him. his gaze is deep as he brings his thumb to your lips, slightly parting them to stick a finger in your mouth.

you moan as you run your tongue against his finger. he trails kisses from your chest to your neck. then from your neck to your cheek, stopping at your earlobe.

“— get on your knees for me, princess.”

he takes his finger out of your mouth, lightly patting your cheek before leaning in to kiss you again. he kisses you hungrily, deeply, you reciprocate with the same intensity.

when his lips leave yours, you both know what's going to happen. he leans back on the couch as he watches you get off his lap and kneel between his legs. he smiles at the sight, stroking your hair as you look at him.

"— such a beautiful little thing..."

you don't want him to notice that you blushed at his comment, quickly turning her face and looking at his pants, undoing the zipper. his cock was visibly marked by his already tight leather pants. you hurry to take off his boxers.

you push the tip to your lips, giving kitten-licks while stroking the rest of his length. the moan that nikki lets out sounds relieved. he closes his eyes at the warm feeling of your tongue touching his member.

it doesn't take long for you to take all of him in your mouth. your hands rest on his thighs as you hum against his dick, feeling the tip going deeper, your tongue running from the tip to his balls. you were trying to take it slow, not choke, but your boyfriend didn't contribute much.

despite the loud moans, he wanted more. you were caught off guard when he grabbed your hair to press your face against his crotch, making you gag. you close your eyes and let out a soft moan that is muffled by his cock, trying your best to take deep breaths through your nose, the tip hits deep in your throat. You open your eyes when he softens his grip on your hair, pulling you back before rubbing the dick against your lips.

you moan and lick everything he puts within reach of your tongue. he lets you take a deep breath before pushing his cock into your mouth again, again and again.

“— fuck, that's a good girl. such a good girl for me, princess. taking me so good..."

you hear him moan as he fucks your mouth. you roll your eyes in pleasure at the sensation, feeling a little saliva drip from your mouth to your chest.

“— i'm going to cum so hard in that little mouth.” — he says, feeling the orgasm getting closer and closer. "— my fucking little slut, waiting for me to put you on your place.”

and you like being treated like that, you both know. going from a princess to a whore, making you feel even wetter every time he degrades or praises you.

all that hits you is nikki's loud, hoarse moan as you feel something hot running down your throat. he finally lets go of your hair as you feel his taste invade your senses. it's something fine between sweet and savory, but you couldn't say you don't think it's delicious.

“— so good, princess, so fucking good..." — he says breathlessly. you feel a hand caress your cheek before patting nikki's thigh, inviting you to sit there again.

you gather some strength in your body before practically throwing yourself on nikki's lap. he laughs and hugs your waist before pulling you closer, kissing you again.

he kisses you gently, making you whimper against his mouth every time he makes a move to deepen. the kiss is long, it allows nikki to feel his own taste in your mouth. when he pulls away, you lay your head on his chest.

the tip of your nose rubs against his neck, smelling a soft scent of men's cologne that comforts you and turns you on even more.

“— love you so much, my baby” — he says docilely as his fingertips run from your thighs to your crotch. “— did so good for me”

nikki's simple validation can make you groan, pleased with yourself for taking away his bad mood. “— love you more.." — you say as you lift your head to look at him, your noses touching.

your next kiss is still slow, but not like the other. it's wet, almost sloppy and you both can feel that sexual tension burning through your skin. you moan against his lips when you feel the tip of his finger passing between your legs, caressing your pussy through the fabrics.

“— needing some attention, right, princess?”

he feels your head bump against his shoulder as his hand runs down your pants. fuck, you're going to make a huge mess before this show even starts.

[nunalastor]

Okay, more Aus and general wholesomeness to help combat the cursed inbox content (TBH, I feel like I should start signing these with an emoji. I’ve sent you like pauses to scroll through your blog and count the anon I know I sent, 20-ish!?!? Ugh, I didn’t think I had the brain rot that bad. Guess not. Any emojis that are free?

AU: For whatever reason, Alastor’s mum comes to visit. Whether its as an angel or time travel shenanigans is unclear. But everyone basically jumps at the chance to explain just how horrible Alastor is. All except Lucifer, who pulls her aside and tells her that while her son isn’t prefect, he isn’t heartless. He’s saved my daughter, multiple times. He’s the one who called be out on being an absent parent. He supported her when I wouldn’t. He respects women so much it’s a defining part of his characterization. He treats Nifty well, even when most people don’t and are creped out by her. He doesn’t lash out at Angle for his suggestive comments (much) because he knows that’s just what Angle is use to. He’s working on a way to own Angle’s soul instead of the man who’ll keep abusing him. And yes he picks fights and embarrasses Vox, but he never starts them. He’s dragged Lucifer out of depressive states and dealt with him at his worse that he won’t let even Charlie see. Alastor’s mum leaves knowing that while her son isn’t prefect, he is doing what he thinks is best, and he is loved.

AU, ft. Helluva Boss: Rather than run IMP, Blitzo works as Lucifer’s bodyguard. How did he end up in that position? Well, he met Alastor and while they do not get along, Alastor respects that he tries to be a good father. The imp soon becomes a part of their small missed matched family, and is the only one who tell RadioApple to their face that they were not, in fact, just friends. He also likes to tell them that they don’t pay him enough to deal with their drama. RadioApple catches word of Blitz messy love life and decide its only far to meddle like he did. They are both, really really bad at it though.

AU, Human: Lucifer is a teacher. The class knows he was married and divorced, and they have reason to suspect that he’s seeing someone again based on what his daughter Charlie has said. They don’t know for  sure until they have to switch to Zoom because of the plague. Unforatnely for them, their teachers partner is very good at not being caught on camera. The only thing they’ve seen of him is a flash of a red coat and a charming voice.

General HCs: Alastor and Lucifer can see each other from their rooms, if they stand at the right angle. They make a game out of trying to communicate with each other from across the hotel with hand gestures or magic. It’s pretty hit or miss most of the time. They also send paper airplanes to each other from across the roof.

Lucifer manages to sneak a rubber duck onto Alastor’s person. Where he hides it I’m not quite sure, but it is hidden. Alastor himself doesn’t know about it, but his Shadow does. It doesn’t tell him. The duck is a means of protection and when Alastor is ambushed by the Vees while healing from his wound from the final, he explodes with magic and knocks them all out, does serve damage to the road and building around it and teleports the deer demon back to the hotel. Alastor tells him to never do it again. He is ignored, and the defense ducks are regularly placed on him.

Alastor can melt with his shadow, but what people don’t know is that he can also blend in with other people’s shadows. It's easiest if they know and consent to him being there though. Lucifer has no problem with this, and Alastor takes great delight in scaring people by popping out of the king’s shadow. It also allows him to leave the pride ring, though he can’t leave the shadow, and he can’t stay in the shadow for very long if outside.

so many!! def sign with an emoji - or even submit as yourself or post to your blog with a link i can reblog so people can follow you!

[simping-overload]

〖CUDDLING WITH FATUI HARBINGERS〗

SUMMARY ∘ cuddling; one of the easiest ways to soften up a harbinger

RAMBLES ∘ I remember when I first read the comics and I met dottore I thought you pronounced it like do tor roe and I'm just know being told that's not how you pronounce it😭😭,

AD: join my discord sever I need ppl to talk to + its genshin based https://discord.gg/3vnp4KkzAg

CHARACTERS ∘ childe, pantalone, scaramouche, dottore, capitano , pierro

TAGS ∘ gn reader, fluff, cuddles, clones, established relationships

BLOG DISCLAIMER ∘ ヾthis is a multi fandom blog that is designed for mlm/nbmlm identifying readers! so if you're female or fem alligened(she/her, she/they) please do not follow or interact with my mlm/nbmlm related post!! you will be blocked if you do not heed this warning

childe is an absolute cuddle bug, often shoving himself in your arms and draping himself over you like a blanket. he's the equivalent of a rock in this position you will not be able to move him, at all. It's best you just accept your fate your not going anywhere anytime soon. On most occasions, he is the little spoon, but if you happen to have a rough day he'll happily be the big spoon

pantalone loves snuggling with you, for him, it means you have your undivided attention on him and vice versa. he is content with whatever position as long as you're touching him in some way. however, it is often that he is the big spoon due to his need to just hold you like his personal pillow. there's no getting out of the banker's grip either, he has an iron grip, so unless you're going wake the man up with kisses you're stuck there until he wakes

scaramouche does love cuddling with you but will he ever initiate or admit it? Nope. However, when you do initiate cuddle time he won't ever stop you, he likes the way your arms feel around him so he is a little spoon often no matter how much he whines about it. he likes facing you during these times often having his head on your neck or chest. it is just a reminder to him that you are here and real.

dottore is not much of a cuddler but he's willing to indulge you every once and a while when he's not cooped up in his lab. he likes spooning you; back against his chest, his hand holding yours as he hides his face in your hair or placing kisses along your neck and shoulder. Or sometimes if he truly cannot spare the time to cuddle you he sends one of his younger clones to fill his position for the time being.

capitano may not seem like it but he is a cuddle monster— he loves when you're caged in his arms, and he feels as if he's your shield protecting you from the dangers in the world. however, he also likes when he's laying in between your legs resting his head against your abdomen, basically a personal pillow. he likes kissing your tummy too likes how soft it feels on his lips.

pierro is a very, very busy man, often getting home late at night or in the early mornings. which often leaves him little time to cuddle you. but when he can he likes when having you rest on top of him, on his chest, to him your weight is very.. grounding for him. however there are sometimes where he likes to have the roles reverse, him curled up with face tucked away in the hallow of your neck and shoulder.

[faerievampling]

hey! i just found your blog and just read all your stuff,,,, i’m in LOVE. you’re such a good writer!!!

saw that your requests were open and please ignore if this doesn’t vibe with you, but could i please request astarion (ascended or otherwise it doesn’t matter to me) headcanons (or whatever format that’s easiest for you) with a F!reader whose really insecure about her looks and body and her sexual inexperience? like she puts on a really tough front for the world, but when it comes to physical touch and intimacy she’s really nervous.

i’m so sorry if this is way too specific or weird or whatever literally ignore this. thank you so much and i hope you have a wonderful week my love <3

Hi thank you so much. I love doing these and i love this idea and IVE GOT YOU. I hope you enjoy ❤️‍🔥 disclaimer this is kinda just my stream of consciousness and what happened happened lol

Pairing: Astarion x F!Reader

warning: 18+! Explicit.

When you first met Astarion, his devastating beauty and intense flirtations intimidated you.

He was so gorgeous, and you thought yourself incredibly average, certainly not good looking enough to reasonably catch the eye of someone as beautiful as Astarion.

Not to mention—Astarion was so experienced, and you were just the opposite. You had very few sexual experiences, maybe even none at all. It only added to your insecurities about your looks and body.

You hid these feelings well, so much so that Astarion seemed non-the-wiser. He thought maybe you were just cold to him; so he worked even harder to warm you up.

Earning your trust and thus your body became a goal of Astarion’s, and he lavished all his attentions on you.

It irritated you, only because you couldn’t tell if he was being genuine with you. It hurt to think that he was just playing with you.

When Astarion finally sleeps with you, it was something you had both been waiting on, both been yearning for. Because of your cool demeanor and general reserved disposition, it takes you a while to finally trust Astarion. Of course, you had desperately wanted him since you first met him, but you had self control.

Astarion is slow to explore your body, which only adds to your vulnerability. He focuses on your breasts, your hips, all the little erogenous zones you didn’t even realize you had: your ear, the crook of your neck, the back of your knees, the space just above your tail bone on your lower back, even your toes, which he would massage one by one, despite how much it tickled you.

He focuses on making you feel exceptionally good the first night you’re with him, almost like he has something to prove. He’s never had to work this hard to fuck someone before. Poor Astarion! Don’t worry, he will get you back by using your body to pleasure himself. After the first night, you’ll surely be his forever, anyways.

After he’s done exploring the outside of your body, he focuses inward, using his fingers and tongue to explore your entrances. Astarion wants to know all of you. He is definitely the type to want to use all of your available holes if you’re ready and willing lol.

He will want to know the parts of you that have been unexplored by other lovers. This may even be a big deal to him.

But you’re shy, and you try to close your knees, try to cover your breasts or your belly, hiding yourself from him. But Astarion is so genuine in his attraction to you, and his hard cock will speak for itself most of the time.

Whatever imperfection you may have, I imagine Astarion to worship it, and he might even help you learn to love this part of you.

If you’ve told him about your insecurity, he’s very careful to help you overcome it and feel adored.

If you keep your insecurity from him, which I would imagine an aloof and bull-headed Tav to do, he quickly finds out from your first time together. As soon as he pressed his lips to yours, he can sense your hesitation, your walls going up as his hands find your waist.

You quiver beneath him, maybe you even pull away; but Astarion only brings you closer, chiding you for shying away from him.

“You are so beautiful, love, why would you ever shy away from me?”

Whether your a virgin or simply inexperienced, Astarion is very careful with your body: he cares for you, he wants you, and he will use his experienced digits and tongue in you, likely making you come even quicker than he had intended.

He’s endeared by it, humored by it, not laughing at you, per se, but with you. Your innocence cute to him. It just made him want to ravish you further, to see how else your sensitive body responds to him.

I think all versions of Astarion would be into corrupting you and teaching you how to please him, and even yourself.

Since the two of you have come to know each other fully in both body and soul, Astarion would love teaching you how to make yourself feel good. I love the idea of Astarion teaching his darling in the ways of pleasure.

Imagine, years after being with Astarion, the two of you are so happy and known. You would have forgotten what you were so worried about in the first place, because your vampire reminds you just how beautiful and fair you are each and every day.

[boiohboii]

The trophy boyfriend Pt4.

The one where the world is in flames due to Daniel's announcement, however Kim Y/N won't let her boyfriend, now fiance, upstage her.

People think they have lost Carlos to a different type of WAG only to find out Daniel Ricciardo is the one who is not coming back.

or

In which f1 fans are introduced to a South Korean chaebol and now they want to fight her rumored boyfriend...... but he is only her childhood friend while his friend is her fiance.

N.B: one more part till the end of this small series. I hope you liked it and thank you so much for reading ♥️♥️ I hope you had fun here!

PART 3

Liked by danielricciardo, carlossainz55, landonorris and 985,820 others

KimJeonwoo: Hello, this is actually Kim Y/N. While I have made it known to Daniel and our close ones that I absolutely and am madly and deeply in live with him, I think it is only fair that I acknowledge his post on this platform as well, however I will not be unlocking any of my personal profiles as they are just that- personal. I hope that you will understand that I am not one to share much publicly.

Daniel, from the day I saw you on that floor I knew I was going to find you again. People say that when you meet someone you will know, and I never believed in that superstition. How was that even possible? How was I just supposed to look at someone and decide that I will spend the rest of my life with them? But then I saw you, sprawled out on the floor with your hand reaching to me, I was and still am not the most social person so all I could do was nod at you and then go on my way, certain that I will meet you, after all, all of those sayings seemed true; I just knew you were the one in that moment.

On that first date I knew that I was going to have to share you with the world. On the second date I knew that I wanted you by my side for as long as you will have me for. And on the third date I was already picking our rings.

I was nervous on that night, I was scared that you wouldn't want to get married now, after all our schedules are ever so changing and our careers do not seem to have a meeting point. I am always nervous around you, you make me feel like I can be anything and anyone and you would still love me all the same.

I love you, you are the one who colored my life with arcades, forts, karts and jokes. You are the one who taught me to accept mistakes, to not get too caught up on the past.

They say marriage is hard, that you need to love a person for the rest of your lifetime, but I don't think these people knew what love is, if they did marriage would've been the easiest thing for them. Everytime I look at you, everytime I hear your voice i fall in love with you all over again, I fall and I will always keep falling for you, only you.

I swear that I will do you right, I will respect and cherish you, I will keep falling in love with you everyday even if I can no longer see you or hear you. You will always be my sun, my laughter and my joy. You will always be my first and last love.

Thank you for the years of bliss, the years where my heart stopped- only to beat again at the sound of your voice, the years that were full of delightful memories. And to all the years that are yet to come, always remember that I am forever yours my darling, till my very last breath.

~comments on this post have been disabled~

{Taglist: @laneyspaulding19 @iamahallucinationnn @laura-naruto-fan1998 @miiikkeey @ceeesxy-blog}

NEXT

[kaeyats]

Can we see the Liyue characters reaction to the marriage rumor 👀 I can absolutely imagine Ninguang going all out while Xiao has no idea what to do but knows he should do something to catch your attention. All the while poor poor Zhongli is suddenly regretting not having access to the same luxuries he had as an archon so he could spoil you

SAGAU,, the creator's bride/groom (part 2)

a/n: was actually in the process of writing this, but i was so happy to get some interaction from my genshin blog. this is my very first ask, ackk! i got so excited i wrote everything down in one sitting. thank you so much for the ask!!

a rumor that the almighty creator of teyvat is in the process of choosing a spouse spreads like wildfire. and all their acolytes start sucking up to them like insane. liyue edition! mondstadt edition here.

reader's gender is not specified, as with most of my works. requests and imagines in my ask box are appreciated, but will take a while. :D

warnings: none

way before whispers of the creator's newest affairs were heard in mondstadt, way before those very words that caused a ferocious storm even reached the ears of the anemo archon, the rumors of the creator's supposed interest in marriage had already been quite rampant in liyue. trending was an understatement, not when every tongue within the lands of geo had spoken about their god's affairs regarding engagement and such.

everyone in liyue was buzzing when they heard the news. some feeling quite happy for the creator and some gearing up for the absolute war that would come the next few days. after all, the creator was currently staying in liyue harbor which practically screamed "OPPORTUNITY" for anyone in liyue who was interested.

safe to say, a certain former archon ended up choking on his food when he heard the news from the director of the wangsheng funeral parlor. zhongli didn't know if he was dreaming or not, the recent rumors too similar to one of his many fantasies with you. the only thing he needed now was for you to bust into the funeral parlor and propose to him, then he'd be fully convinced he was dreaming. but alas, no creator had appeared and no busting in had occured. and seconds later, his mind foggily returned to reality. he processed the information, at least he tried to, unable to grasp much for the next few minutes. immediately, he stood up, heading towards the direction of the hotel you were staying in. hu tao was a bit confused when the usually-composed-man left the room and said nothing, looking rather dazed. he originally intended to ask you if the rumors were true, wanting to take a rational approach, but the sight of all your acolytes clinging to you in a pathetic attempt to win you over had his head empty with jealousy. he was all too tempted to take the form of morax and persuade you with his endless and very valuable resources.

ningguang knew before most common folk, a characteristic move for the opportunistic businesswoman who had connections in almost every street of liyue. however, she did not expect your other followers to know as well when she descended from the jade palace to pay you a visit. behind her were many of her servants, carrying boxes decorated with intricate golden designs. it was quite obvious that whatever was inside each of those boxes cost quite a lot. the boxes themselves looked like they cost more than any of liyue's merchants' organs. however, they were barely acknowledged by you when the 11th harbinger stole you away once again, distracting you from ningguang's elegant presence with his mindless chatter.

the moment childe heard of your supposed interest in marriage, he decided then and there to make it his mission to bother you until your other suitors would eventually fend off. at first, it was questions about your interests and things you liked. he kept a mental list of all he learned that day, disappointed in himself for not knowing any sooner due to how busy he was all the time. the job of a fatui harbinger wasn't the easiest, after all. he considered the possibility that maybe if he got married to you, his service to the tsaritsa would be allowed an end and he could spend the rest of his years exploring the world by your side. he was quite content with listening to your ramblings and daydreaming about what it'd be like to be your lover, even more so your spouse. the moment the tianquan entered your room though, childe decided he would be a menace, wanting to push the rich woman's buttons until she would eventually give up on pursuing you.

ningguang was usually a very patient woman, but something about the ginger irked her in all the wrong ways. she couldn't handle the way he blatantly flirted with you, leaving subtle touches on your body. she could only glare at his hand as she took quiet sips of her tea from across where the two of you were seated. ningguang internally praised you for being such a kind and understanding god because if she was in your place, she would've smacked the fatui harbinger away by now. it was like she wasn't even in the room anymore with how much childe had been hogging you. she couldn't begin to imagine the pain of zhongli whose presence you haven't even noticed yet.

matters were only made worse by the fact that ganyu, someone ningguang thought she would never view as a rival entered your room without knocking, a faint blush on her cheeks. "[name], i happened to stumble into your favorite flowers and thought that maybe-" instead of your happy and accommodating smile, she was greeted with the three harshest glares she had ever encountered in her whole life. ganyu had heard of the rumors, yes, but she wasn't one to believe rumors so easily, so she paid them no mind unlike the three other figures in your room.

"oh, ganyu! what brings you here?" you left your place next to childe (an action that warranted a rather bitter look on his face), giddily wrapping your arms around ganyu to greet her. it seemed that she was much too flustered to answer your question and had completely forgotten how to form coherent words when you wrapped your arms around her. not that you minded. her facial expressions were quite funny to watch.

"ganyu, it's a pleasant surprise meeting you here. although i must say, it's quite rude how you just barged in here and called the creator by the first name. i'm sure you have better manners than that." ningguang spoke from her seat, directing her gaze away from you and ganyu, knowing that she would only get angrier by the second if she did. venom, rather poorly hidden, dripped from her words and it seemed to intimidate the poor girl next to you.

"no! no! it's fine, i told ganyu she could do that."

"barge into your room? or call you by your name?" childe asked from his seat, sounding sarcastic, but truthfully unable to stop himself from wondering.

"both. also, i've been asking all of you call me by my name, it just so happens that ganyu was the first to listen."

zhongli seemed to have more luck the next day when he happened to run into you in the streets of liyue harbor early in the morning.

"oh? [name]? i didn't expect to see you here so early in the morning." just uttering your name felt like violating a forbidden taboo to zhongli. but after yesterday's encounter, he thought that maybe you truly did like to be called by your name and you weren't just saying things as a test of respect.

"oh! xiao went to my room last night and invited me to a picnic near wangshu inn. i just thought it'd be more convenient if i started traveling there earlier, you know?"

"that sounds (unacceptable, he wanted to say. how could your other acolytes just let you wander alone?) a bit unsafe, your- [name]. if you don't mind, i can assist you to wangshu inn to reassure that you arrive there in one piece."

you would've refused zhongli's offer in any other scenario, but after practically ignoring his existence yesterday, you accepted as a way to apologize. perhaps you could ease his mind with a little bit of conversation. surely that would be enough to pay for your mistake yesterday.

now, xiao had absolutely no idea how courting worked. he tried going around the inn, looking for books, anything, that could assist him with the topic. perhaps you would like dead offerings? should he got hunting for wild animals? or would you rather he seduce you with his body like in those e-ro-ti-ka books he found somewhere around the inn? he felt defeated, not knowing what to do once you arrived for your little picnic date. things would've been much easier had he had rex lapis as a guide and an advisor, he thought to himself, so imagine his surprise once he spotted rex lapis' mortal form walking with you towards him.

zhongli was certainly planning on sabotaging your supposed friend date with xiao, scheming in his head how he would steal you away from the adeptus, using those moments to win you over. and when you two spent a few hours in pleasant conversation, walking side-by-side, ever so often smiling at each other and giddily laughing, he was pretty sure he was going to go through with his plan, despite the initial guilt he felt for sabotaging a close friend. however, when he saw the way xiao's cheeks grew ever-so-pink at the way you hugged him the moment you saw him and the way a smile threatened to break through the usually-stoic-man's facade, he decided to leave you two alone to bond, letting xiao have his moment with you.

zhongli sat quietly in wangshu inn's restaurant, plates empty as he wondered what you and xiao were up to at that very moment. the good food lessened the sting he felt, jealousy clawing at his insides. he shouldn't regret his decision, he told himself. not when alatus looked so elated to be around you. he nodded to himself, yes, this is the right thing to do.

looking down at his empty plate, that is when he realized he has no mora with him.

[spacelazarwolf]

Hey, I saw a post from another tumblr user that you are a Zionist and spreading false info about Jewish people being excluded from pride parades and I don't know what a Zionist is (they just said it was nationalist) but I enjoy your blog and wanted to ask you about it directly to understand better whats going on if thats okay? Im not anonymous in case you want to privately answer or tell me youd not want to discuss. 💕

first, i wanna thank you for being respectful about this, and for asking this off anon. this tells me you're asking in good faith, so i'm happy to answer.

i've had to state numerous times on my blog that i'm not a zionist bc people love to slap that label on any jew they disagree with, which is exactly what's happening in this situation. they disagreed with what i said about a lot of jews not feeling comfortable at pride because of the pervasive antisemitism in queer spaces, and several queer events banning the jewish pride flag because it "looked too similar to the israeli flag" and decided that made me a zionist. it happens a lot bc ppl know that that word is very taboo in activist spaces, and labeling you a zionist is a surefire way to get you kicked out of a lot of progressive circles. interestingly (said with a huge dollop of sarcasm) this rarely happens to gentiles.

zionist is also a pretty useless word for determining what someone actually believes, because depending on who you ask their ideologies can range from "i think that jewish people should be able to live in the land that is currently israel and palestine alongside palestinians and other indigenous groups" to "i think that only jews should get to live in that area and we should kick everyone else out." and as you can imagine, there's lots of people like me who agree with the first statement but vehemently disagree with the second. it's become somewhat of a dogwhistle, to the point that alt righters popularized "zio" as a slur, which was then picked up by leftists (because there is also a huge problem with antisemitism in leftist and non palestinian gentile-dominated antizionist spaces.) one of the events i mentioned in the first paragraph deleted a tweet using this slur.

the person you're probably talking about also claimed that i, a genderqueer trans man, am a misogynist, because i said that jewish masculinity is very culturally different from white masculinity and that i find a lot of comfort in it. they cited a bunch of problems with misogyny within the orthodox community, despite the fact i'm not orthodox or even ashkenazi. what it boiled down to is that they disagree with the takes i have on anti transmasculinity, and they needed something else to pin it on.

so in the future, if you see someone accusing a jew of being a zionist, take everything they have to say with a bucket full of salt and do as you did with this ask and go ask the person what they actually believe. sometimes you'll find their beliefs actually don't line up with your morals and you can unfollow, but the vast majority of the time you'll find that they just said something someone didn't like and it was the easiest way to discredit them.

in general, i don't share my opinions about zionism/antizionism on tumblr because that's not what my blog is centered on, and also i oppose the expectation that jews should have to disclose our opinions on zionism in order for gentiles to determine whether or not we are worth listening to. i also have a lot of thoughts abt how the focus on anti-anything makes it easier for activists to weaponize that activism against marginalized people, but that's an entirely different post.

anyway, i hope that answers your question, and i will probably pin this ask somewhere on my blog since i have been asked this a few times now and it seems unavoidable since ppl just won't drop it.

[is-the-snake-video-cute]

Well, um, it finally happened. I genuinely cannot believe that the first death threats I've gotten while running this blog have been over cladistics of all things! I just wanted to pop in, clarify my position, and say, uh, don't do that.

So, the nasty asks I got were concerned with how I defend the breaking of Squamata into three groups (lizards, snakes, and amphisbaenians). I cannot stress enough that I fall into the majority of herpetologists when I defend this. This is something that is taken for granted among herpetologists at large - we're not a monolith but that's just the state of herp academia right now. This isn't me "denying modern science," it's me using the terminology that my profession uses.

I personally find that this breakup is more useful than the "everything is lizards" model for a few key reasons. It's good for highlighting differences and commonalities between groups and it's good for teaching herpetology to newcomers. Most importantly, on a practical level, it's the easiest way to for us to discuss Squamata in our daily lives and it eastablishes a very clear terminology for academic writing in our field.

Are all squamates technically lizards? Sure, we can define the entire order as lizards if we wanted to. But I feel that's similar to defining birds as reptiles - it's technically accurate, but on a practical level for those of us working with living animals right now, it may be accurate but at the end of the day you're not going to ask me to know about birds and I'm not going to ask an ornithologist to know about snakes. There are just some differences that we need to account for.

When it comes to those of us who discuss evolution on a broad picture compared those of us who work with living animals as a profession, there's just going to be a difference in terminology sometimes. If we discuss evolution broadly, then yeah, I can see the usefulness in not dividing Squamata. But on a practical, small-scale level, dividing makes it easier for us to discuss these groups in the detail we need to. I cannot stress enough, again, that this is just the accepted terminology that professional herpetoligists use right now. Cladistics isn't something to get super worked up about, phylogeny is a tool that different academics can use in different ways to suit our professions, and not like an indicator of education quality or intelligence level or whatever.

Right, that out of the way...I know most of my readers are amazing and wonderful and I love you all, and I'm sure it was just one person I've already blocked sending nasty asks, but, like...don't do that. I don't know what kind of reactions asks like that are hoping for, but I'm just going to block senders and delete all of them, no exceptions.

Sorry for the buzzkill. Back to our regularly scheduled content.

[rejectionofhumanity]

Since my last post about this kind of blew up, I’m going to take the opportunity and talk some more about red flag lists. Specifically, this red flag list posted in an otherkin community I’m part of. I’m not targeting this community specifically, I’m targeting red flag lists as a whole. This is just the one that was easiest for me to find.

Okay, let’s break this down, shall we?

-Claims to be an object: Objectkin exist. I know we exist because I am one. I’m a calculator. A calculator is typing this. Many of us are animists and believe in objects having souls (me included). And psychological objectkin exist too. You don’t get to pretend we’re all trolls because we don’t fit your idea of what otherkinity looks like.

-Size is unusual: I thought otherkin can be anything, including fictional creatures. If someone says, “My kintype is that I’m basically a wolf, but I’m the size of a house”, what right do I have to doubt that? Just because wolves that size don’t exist in real life doesn’t mean they can’t be a kintype. This point is just stupid.

-Claims a high number of kintypes with a majority fictional: Okay, what do you consider a high number? 10? 20? 30? Whatever number you pick is going to be completely arbitrary. What makes that number the number that should separate “valid” otherkin from “invalid” otherkin? Why do otherkin with high numbers of kintypes deserve to be separated? Tell me, in plain language, what is wrong with polykin. Oh, and why you hate fictionkin.

-Claims to be able to physically shift: This one I don’t know how much I can say on, because I don’t know much about the physically nonhuman community and am not a part of that community. But I do know that clinical lycanthropy and clinical zooanthropy exist. If any member of the physically nonhuman community wants to add anything, feel free.

-Implies wanting attention: Everyone wants attention. It’s how socializing works. You give someone attention and they give you attention in return. I clearly want attention. If I didn’t, I would keep all my alterhumanity thoughts inside my head instead of having a blog where other people can interact with my thoughts. And if need for attention becomes disordered, then you’re describing HPD. People with HPD can still be otherkin. Implying otherwise is ableist.

-Reacts defensively when questioned: Yes, otherkin should be able to calmly explain their kintypes. But what if you’re demanded to explain yourself day after day, and people still don’t believe you about your own experiences? Wouldn’t it be reasonable for you to get just a bit frustrated?! Are otherkin just expected to bottle up all that frustration?

-Mentions being unable to live in society: In what context do they mention this? There are many people with disabilities who are unable to live in our current society without a caregiver. Those disabled people… can be otherkin. Shocker. I myself don’t need a caregiver, but I do need many accommodations for me to be able to live in society the same way everyone else does. That’s just how being disabled is sometimes.

Anyway, rant over. I hope this cleared up why red flag lists are BS.

[prettyboysdontlookatexplosions]

because this has been on my mind wrapping up the epilogue, here is a little story about how writing fanfiction for very silly sometimes awesome sometimes genuinely terrible SYFY show the magicians changed my life for real.

i started writing help, i’m alive in may 2020. as i have stated many times on this blog, the overarching goal from which this story sprung was my passionate desire to give quentin coldwater each and every last thing he deserved: i wanted to follow him all the way through a downward spiral, and then i wanted to figure out what it would take for him to climb out of the darkness and make it to somewhere he actually wanted to be. the first part of that, the part that became damage control, was some of the easiest writing i’ve ever done, even accounting for the hours spent google mapping the most depressing road trip of all time. the second part was harder, and not just because it wound up being more than four times as long (lmao). it was thornier; there were more threads to weave through; and, frankly, quentin was so fucked up that it took a lot of effort even to outline what it was he needed in order to change. i had written one story already in which the pivot happened entirely internally, an act of self-forgiveness that proved transformational, and i knew that this time i needed to give him more: actual wants, actual actions, an actual life, with actual ties not just to the people already in his circle but to the world beyond. once i had that outline, the first four chapters flowed pretty easily, anchored by the goal of hitting the story’s first big win, which is when quentin finds a way to fix something for the first time since his magic broke; chapter five was where i got stuck.

by that point, it was fall. i had quit my teaching job mid-pandemic with some modest savings, no back-up plan, and a growing realization that after five years in the classroom, teaching was no longer something i could see myself returning to; working obsessively on this story was, among other things, a great way to quiet the constant humming freak-out of what the fuck i was going to do with my life. in october doing some jump squats after sitting in bed all day i threw my back out so badly i couldn’t walk to the bathroom unassisted and paid a hundred dollars to talk to a telehealth doctor for fifteen minutes for some muscle relaxants. the pain sucked, but so did not knowing whether i was going to be better by election day — i’d signed up to be a poll worker, and i really could have used the money.

i’d started dipping my toe in some local volunteer stuff when i quit, but it was during this time that i signed up for the first time for a particular project i was really excited about joining. i did the zoom training with my camera off because my back still hurt too much to sit up; the follow-up involved scanning and emailing some personal documents and signed agreements. i didn’t do it the next day because, whatever, my back fucking hurt; i didn’t do it the day after that because…? and then, well — then i started feeling like i had missed my chance, and it was too late now.

now, here’s the thing: i say feeling like because by this point i had learned enough about the world that i knew — like, knew — that, objectively, taking a few days to send an email (during a pandemic, while i was having previously established health issues) is not considered by most people to be an unforgivable crime. i knew that i should still send the email. and i also had learned enough about myself that i could actually recognize the thing happening in my brain as an example of the kind of overly self-protective mechanisms in which i have many years of practice; i knew by then that i was an absolute expert at finding reasons to not do things that felt like they were based in truth but were really just cleverly disguised manifestations of fear, because if you do things then bad things might happen, but if you don’t do things then nothing bad happens, except that you ruin your own life. i knew all of this!! i could diagnose and analyze exactly how i was once again perpetuating the same anxiety-driven patterns that had governed so much of my life. i was conscious of the workings of my own unconscious. but i still couldn’t bring myself to send the fucking email. instead i was spending 16 hours a day alternately lying in bed and gingerly pacing in my apartment to regain mobility, feeling like shit about the fact that i wasn’t sending the email and also trying fruitlessly to unpack whatever was going on in chapter five.

the election came five days into this mess, and i did feel well enough to go work the polls. this was a great way to experience election 2020, by the way; i had to leave my apartment at like 3:30 in the morning and by the time the returns started coming in i was too delirious to have any emotions about them whatsoever. it was also, not to be a shill for electoral politics, genuinely kind of inspiring: all these people lining up to Do Democracy, the deployment of translators to assist across languages, the columbia undergrad from the neighborhood we were in i was paired with at the info desk who told me he wanted to go into politics and said very seriously, upon hearing i had a friend in the grad school there, “you should tell them to join the union.” plus, you know, the high of doing something, surrounded by other human beings, at a time when that sort of thing had been in short order for the work-from-home crowd for months, and i personally had recently been confined to my bed for several days.

leaving the site that night, entering my twentieth consecutive hour awake, i felt this weird mix of spiritually rejuvenated and psychologically worse. i had just lived through this physical proof of how doing things is both not that scary and kind of awesome, i had spent a day living in alignment with the kind of person i wanted to be, i felt a fresh rush of love for my city and its people — and i still couldn’t imagine sending the fucking email! it was like i was looking at the thing i wanted most through a pane of glass, and the glass was actually really easy to break, so the only thing stopping me was that i was too much of a baby to do it.

and the thought that i had then, i fucking swear, was: i would be such a fucking hypocrite if i wrote quentin coldwater into a happy ending i’m too cowardly to give myself.

which is, first of all: SOOOOOOOO corny, like omg. unbelievably cringe. embarrassing as hell. but it was also my truth at that moment in time. i had no faith in my own ability to change, but i had spent five months and counting thinking about almost nothing else except the story i was writing in which quentin also has no faith in his ability to change but is brave enough to do it anyway, and i really felt like — i could not live with myself putting these ideas out into the world and refusing to integrate them into my own life. i could not write this promise that something better was possible for quentin if i wasn’t even going to try to make it possible for me. i could, apparently, live forever with my constant self-sabotage, but i couldn’t live with myself making this story a lie (this story being, again, fanfiction for a TV show that was, at its best, so great, and also, at its worst, so, SO stupid).

and like… that worked. i emailed the documents the next day; i attended my first monthly zoom meeting that weekend, during which the election was officially called, which felt like a good omen. i summoned the idea that had presented itself to me that night — don’t be a hypocrite! do what you would want quentin to do! — again a while later when my email got lost in the shuffle and i had to send a check-in following up, and again every other time something came up where my fear had to war it out with my desire. (or, well, most other times — it's a work in progress, and yes, i do still find myself calling upon this logic to this day.)

my life now looks more like the happy ending i wrote quentin into than it did almost four years ago, when i started this story, or even three years ago, when i finished it. it looks more like that future than i ever imagined my life could look when i was writing it, and not just because, as i have mentioned before, a few weeks after my election night revelation, i did do as quentin did and befriend a community-minded extrovert who invited me to join a book club. even the fact that the final part of the epilogue has taken me so much longer than expected is a funny case of life imitating art, because while i have had work and illness and travel and general life stress, i have also had many days in the past few months where i was not very productive because i was simply too busy doing something fun — the kind of never-quite-solved balancing act quentin was set to deal with in the epilogue back when i first started kicking it around, well over two years ago at this point, but which was not really applicable to my own life until basically now. and it sounds even to my own ears so, so, so insane to say this, but it’s true: i can trace every aspect of that shift to the fact that i wrote this story, and that writing it fundamentally changed something inside me for the better. (shout-out to the people in the comments who noted that the story was, in a meta sense, my own version of quentin’s coffee maker; i knew you were right, but i don’t think i knew how right until this recent bout of reflection.)

i don't really know that there's a take-away here, because "quit your job and write four hundred thousand words about a weird TV show with a niche audience" is not exactly universally applicable advice. but if i were to try to find one, i think it would be something like: i felt really crazy and kind of embarrassed the entire time i was writing this story, not because i was writing fanfiction, or because it was incredibly horny and wildly self-indulgent, but because it mattered to me so, so deeply. it was one thing to have a fun goofy hobby, even a fun goofy hobby i took semi-seriously and poured a lot of time and effort into, but it was another to actually, like, care, and to care a lot, which i did. but if i hadn't accepted that this story mattered to me, i don't think it could have been as personally transformational as it wound up becoming. the heart wants what it wants, and you're only going to find out what that is if you're willing to listen to whatever rhythm it beats.

i solved chapter five on the way home from the poll site, by the way. i knew there needed to be some problem with quentin’s first semi-successful attempt to mend the coffee maker, but i couldn’t figure out how it tied in thematically with where he was in his life. on the bus it hit me: quentin and the coffee maker were both trying to remain unbreakable. an appealing idea if you’ve been broken, but one more conducive to stagnancy than to growth; you can stay there for a while, but eventually you need to let yourself want more.

[adhd-languages]

Keeping up your Languages when you’re Busy

Confession: I’ve been slacking on Japanese recently because my life has been so hectic recently. So here are some of the ways I’ve been trying to keep it in my brain when I can’t dedicate a lot of time to studying.

CHANGE YOUR PHONE LANGUAGE

This applies to computers as well! This is the easiest way to ensure you see at least some of your target language every day. It’s good for any level, even beginners.

If you haven’t already done this, do it now. I understand that some things are important and you need to be sure you understand them — in that case, you can always change individual apps to have different languages, just look up the app name in settings.

Podcasts/Music

Find some podcasts in your target language and listen to them before bed, during your commute, whatever. There are lots of podcasts made specifically for learners, or you can look up topics in your target language to find a podcast you might enjoy.

Music is also an amazing way to hear your target language being used. If you find an artist you like, that’s another good way to study your TL! Follow them on socials, look up interviews with them, etc.

Talk to Yourself

Any spare minute you have, talk to yourself in your target language. It doesn’t need to be out loud. You can have a conversation with yourself, try to express how you’re feeling, make up stories, or just describe the things around you in your target language. This is also a good way to see what kind of vocabulary you’re missing.

Apps

Duolingo has fired a ton of translators and started using crappy AI translations — so they’re probably not the best choice.

I’d recommend dictionary app that has some sort of flash card feature is also good, or an anki deck. Drops is good, and has a lot of languages, but keep in mind you’ll need audio. Anything that’s easy to get out and do for even just a few minutes is perfect.

Apps won’t teach you a language on their own, but doing a little every day helps remind me the language exists and keeps it in my mind.

Texting/Writing/Posting

Whether your friends know your TL or not, force them to experience it by randomly messaging in Japanese! Or, if you feel fancy, download an app like “HelloTalk”, “Tandem”, “Speaky”, “Tabee”…there are a lot.

If you keep a digital journal (like I do…inconsistently), try to write some entries in your TL.

If you have a blog, which I assume you do, post in your TL. Even if you’re a beginner, you can make a sideblog dedicated to saying stuff like “I’m hungry” and “Green is my favourite colour” in your target language.

Open your notes app and just write random words you can remember or sentences you can string together.

I know it’s really difficult, and don’t beat yourself up because you aren’t studying as hard. A language can be a lifelong companion — you’ll have phases of studying constantly, and sometimes it’ll take the back seat, but there’s no rush to learn it. Have a great day :)!