#i feel like that's never discussed offline though lmao

[detransdamnation]

Are there trivial convo topics that annoy you or make you want to yeet yourself outta somewhere? Mine are horoscopes, baseball and excretions

Veganism, sports, religion, and philosophy. I hate horoscopes, too.

[imaginary-wanderer]

Sometimes, I really want to come out to my family and (offline) friends (though some of my friends must know something, one already saw my work signature with my pronouns) but at the same time I have this strange feeling of slight anger like it's not their business, why should I even come out lmao My friends are not queer but they're absolute allies so it's not even a matter of being accepted. I'm just also very private offline (ironic, I know).

It's just so weird. Also, it'll raise a lot of questions about my orientation, I know my parents (my mom) are wondering about "what I like", and I'm not sure she'd be ready to have a complex discussion about gender and sexual orientation. To me it's almost like a spectrum and at the same time, being a hardcore demi, orientation is almost theoretical at this point, since I never make any connection with anyone to bring it to a real attraction level.

She also doesn't want to acknowledge that I'm not as attractive as she wants me to be, even if she's not lying to herself, she knows very well I'm not attractive, but she also believes that there's someone for everyone (boomers, especially women, really think that, probably because they were used to compromise like mad and erase themselves just to not be alone). Every time we talk about it, she really doesn't understand the total inexistence of mutual attraction every time I am attracted to someone (call me Master of Unrequited, istg) The plague of being ugly and demi I guess lol

Anyway, it's that kind of a day.

[sevdoesnotexist]

Hey do you know what happened to @cock-dealer/morg? Sorry for the random ask i saw you reply often but like. i was offline for like a week straigh5 and now hes gone + im genuinely sad and also worried bc he was one of my fave bloggers lmao is he okay?

Hey so a lot has happened since March if you haven't been around. Essentially (from my understanding), Morg experienced abuse at the hands of medical staff during a hospital stay that left him in a really bad place dealing with the trauma that was brought on by that. He is and was often posting about his poor mental health and suicidal ideation.

A few weeks ago he had attempted to kill himself, I don't know him well enough to say what attempt # it was for him overall but I'll say "the first time" even though I don't think it was. In around this time too, there was "slur discourse" happening around who should and shouldn't call themselves a cripple and a lot of discussion around honouring Tai's memory by respecting the origins and meaning behind the cripplepunk movement.

A lot of emotions were running high and honestly I had seen the discourse in the community as petty insquabbling until shit hit the fan. I was kinda not touching it past my opinion on cripple being a slur that only some people can reclaim. Anyways through this discourse Morg had been receiving a lot of anon asks egging him on, telling him he's a shit person, really just generally horrible stuff and some anons who weren't necessarily approaching in bad faith got caught in the crossfire, which those interactions were used by the handful of people vocally disagreeing with Morg to further the narrative that he was a Big Bad Exclusionist™

Eventually Morg got pushed past the point of frustration and presumably while under the influence of whatever he had taken in an attempt to take his life or I also know he has mentioned the stress of it let to a psychotic episode which seems to make a lot of sense to me. Basically, he sent an anon to one of the people who was one of the instigators and main users furthering the discourse vaspider an ask that read along the lines "you got what you wanted" and posted that he had tried to kill himself for the "second" time. Around this time I know I was personally very worried and constantly refreshed his blog and sent him anons with kind messages like everyday just trying to combat the SHEER amount of hatred he was receiving not FROM users like vaspider and happysadyoyo but BECAUSE of how they were framing his mental health crisis was definately resulting in MASSIVE amounts of anon hate and suicide baiting.

The final straw for me is when I made a vent post about my feelings on the matter and vaspider literally shouted me down and called me an asshole for venting about my medical trauma and my feelings on the cripplepunk discourse. It was a really mask off moment for me I think they felt like betrayed that I didn't side with them since we were mutuals or something but regardless it made me really uncomfortable and honestly was incredibly triggering also so I blocked them as well as y'know, whoever I felt like, as I'm allowed to :))

Then like a week after that all happened, happysadyoyo, a user who WAS mutuals with me and vaspider but had actually NEVER interacted with Morg in his life, made a fucking YOUTUBE VIDEO about morgs suicide attempt, relating it to the show Thirteen Reasons Why and his own time spent being a manipulative asshole, essentially trying to insinuate that Morg had tried to take his life as a way to guilt and manipulate someone over Internet slur discourse. Yup. I was disgusted by the behaviour and openly said as much. The link is actually still up as far as I'm aware, yoyocunt refused to take the video or even the post with the link down, citing "his own psychosis"

From there I guess people who were watching this happen to Morg from the sidelines thought it would be funny to give those users a taste of their own medicine and started sending them a lot if gross anon hate including stuff like scat porn. I also think this was probably an attempt by some to paint Morg and his followers in a bad light. I mean while we had a giggle over the misfortune of people who had been royal douche canoes, we also all have made it pretty clear that we don't condone sexual harassment or suicide baiting. Those users often take screenshots of posts Morg makes without the context of a reblog or the notes cropped out in order to give the impression Morg is like, actively telling his followers to send them death threats and poop vids but like, that's just not the case.

So like you missed the most batshit insane turn of events, I don't think I covered everything concisely because I'm high but yeah basically people started disrespecting a dead kids movement and memory as well as trying to villainize a mentally ill trans dude for disagreeing with them and being rude about it

And, he's still here by the way, he's just @penis-peeper now.

[sleeping-lilies]

Title: I Get Tim a Cat Because It’s What He Deserves (oh and i guess a group chat 🙄)

a batfam/wayne family groupchat would literally never happen in canon but it would be so fucking funny you all don’t even know, so i will do it anyways.

the chat just kinda... starts. no one know where it came from. who added them. who??? none of their emotionally stunted asses would be caught dead making making a family chat tf? why can’t any of them leave? they smash their phones and then on their laptop a notification pops up like “you’ve joined ‘x’ group” and they’re stuck there. might as well use it ig, but for what???

“everyone who is alive type ‘i’” no one responds so bruce spends hours trying to find out where their bodies are until he finds out everyone just had the chat on mute

“why isn’t alfred on here” “huh. alfred isn’t on here and no one knows who made the chat?” “so whoever made it just left immediately?” “...” “lol anyways”

tim was trying to send a snap to the core four gc but accidentally sent it to the family chat and gets super embarrassed (of course this happens when everyone’s online why wouldn’t they if it makes tim’s life more difficult) and everyone makes fun of him. duke printed out copies and plastered them all over tim’s apartment while tim was out for something and tim nearly murders duke. after that no one puts the chat on mute because this was too funny.

no one actually, like, texts on a regular basis because they’re not like other families 🙄 they only text if it’s really important or someone’s dying.

that’s being said, “dick where is dog” “send doggy” “dog?” “send doggy” “dick when did you get a dog?” “SEND DOGGY” “i demand you send the dog this instant” “dog now.”

damian breaks into dick’s apartment to take a selfie with him and haley (or bitewing, haley is just shorter to type) captioned “she is mine this is a warning to all of you. i will not hesitate if any of you low lives come near her.” and dick is like “??? this is my dog i can’t have anything these days, siblings take everything, man—” oh ya, everyone reacts to the haley photo with a heart. also dick only lets this shit slide with damian, if jason the problem child pulled this shit it would be on sight lmfaooo

- tim: the dog is cute but, but in photography i learned you have to crop out everything unimportant, like this *crops out damian from the photo*

- in other news, tim joined the dead bats club and now only bruce and duke are left 😃🔪

bruce: check in if you are alive. *everyone’s status is online*

u don’t know about y’all, but my bruce wayne is a responsible father who keeps an eye on his kids, or at least does his best, “has anyone seen duke? he has school and i can’t find him” “i will find him... if you give me $50.” “i will give you the money jason just tell me where he is” jason sends a photo of himself and duke laying down on the floor eating pop tarts.

-“literally why do you all keep coming into my apartment” “our apartment, dick” “i pay for this apartment it’s mine, i keep living in blüdhaven for a reason, god, siblings always steal everything that’s your’s—” it’s ok guys dick simultaneously has eldest daughter’s syndrome and absent sibling syndrome, who is doing it like him? legend behavior. anyways, duke and jason left crumbs on the floor and dick beat them up lmao.

“can i have money” “dad” (theyre sent by same person just different text) “yes cass i will sent you as much as you need, $2,000 is enough for shipping with friends?” “dad can i have money too” “dad can i too” “may i have some too dad” “dad” “dad” fhdjdjsks they only call him dad when they’re dying, want something, or are tattling on each other, someone save him 😩

“@everyone the interviewer in the last segment asked me if we have a family chat and i have a feeling they will try to pry into my texts to see what we are texting, please actually send something so they don’t get even more nosy from our lack of communicating” *someone sends the bee movie script*

ok but like, as time goes on they get more comfy texting each other and acting like a normal(ish) family unit that texts a little more. like tattling.

“someone broke the vase in the hallway and if they don’t want me to tell pennyworth who did it they will buy alfred the cat a new scratching post by nightfall” damian is so funny i love him

“HELPPVHRNXKAK” “what’s up with jason?” “cass is sitting on him” “lol” “i think she’s gonna break his arm fhdjdksk” “ANDBSJ I HAT E YO U A LL” “when did you all come to the manor???”

“😂” bruce vs “lol” dick and cass vs “agdhsjak” tim and duke vs “hA” jason vs “i don’t find any of you funny” damian

“damian i am putting your lemon cake pop thingies in the last bottom shelf on the right, i put the code and everything in the safe” “how often does damian even come to your apartment, dick?” “whenever you’re being an asshole bruce” “he’s always an asshole dickhead 🙄” “exactly 🥰”

“dad guess what” “TIM NOOO” “remember when” “TIM TIM TIM” “you told duke to take the day shift” “I WILL NEVER POST YOUR SNAP PHOTOS TO A GROUPCHAT WITH THE ENTIRE SUPERHERO COMMUNITY AGAIN!!!” “and he agreed to if he did his school work first?” “MERCY, MERCY” “what did he do, tim” “fjdjxkskkz duke goes on school zoom meetings during patrol and pretends he doesn’t have a mic and camera and i was watching his helmet footage and it was so funny, the teachers just believe him when he pretends to have really bad network and can barely type in the chat” “my teachers never trusted me that much” “that’s because you made a kid cry once jason stfu” “wait how did u know that cass—“

“AHDBSNZKAJHF” “stfu duke” “what’s wrong with him where is he?” “cain came to visit” “ohhhh” “FHDJFJDJ HELLPPPXSND” “i know you’re taking a video, you little shit, send it” “no todd come here and take one yourself—or don’t, your presence is unwanted” “fucking brat”

“DAD DICK HIT ME” “DAD JASON’S LYING” *bruce wayne online* (he doesn’t fucking respond fhsjskla) (is it because he’s exasperated with them or crying because they called him dad even though it’s a manipulation tactic or both we’ll never know)

“everyone who is alive, type in chat” *everyone is online* then bruce edits the message to say ‘everyone who wants alfred’s cinnamon rolls, type in chat’ “i guess NO ONE wants alfred’s cinnamon rolls, how sad” and the entire chat goes wild lmfao

ok uhhh let’s do on a scale of 1-10 texts most vs is online the most

bruce: 6-texting, 5.9-online because he always makes an effort to text his kids to check up on them and when his kids are texting he will text as well here and there in the convo to interact with them because he never sees and interacts with them normally and he wants to do better 🥲. he get’s minus 0.1 because of that one time jason and dick were fighting and he logged off agdhsjnz

dick: 3-texting, 3.5-online because he’s the only one in this hellhole of a family that has an actual job (in this house we uphold gymnastics teacher grayson 🙏) and sometimes he won’t have energy to text. so. but he does make an effort when he can. he’s online more than he texts because he’s able to sneak looks at the fights when he has downtime during his job and wants to see the drama lmfaooo. also everything goes on in his fucking apartment for some reason, so now he gotta break up a (one sided) fight between cass and tim because someone has to be a responsible adult.

cass: 2-texting, 10-online because she watches more than she texts? she’s more content to watch what’s going on than to join in. also 8/10 she’s usually the one causing the drama that everyone’s texting about, like beating up the others, so she can’t text while beating them up. i mean she could, but she wants to put more energy in beating them up (lovingly) (cass is basically violence (loving)) and watching what everyone’s saying about her fights. she’s always online to catch a glimpse at the drama. also most of her texts are to dick to see bitewing. and ask for money.

jason: texting-8, online-4 because if cass is the one causing drama offline, jason’s causing drama online. jason wants to be chat cryptic but texts the most lmfaoooo. he’s antagonizing his siblings whenever he sees them and whenever he can’t, king shit. he’s online less because he deadass doesn’t care that much, he’ll read the texts later if he really wants to, otherwise either duke or tim will fill him in on the drama. (“jason ur in the chat too—“ “shut up, tim, now tell me how cass beat damian’s ass)

tim: texting-6.44444, online-10, see tim texts a lot just not to the family group chat lmfao, he has REAL FRIENDS 😤 uhh ya, that’s why he’s online all the time, cuz he’s either texting his friends or on his phone doing some shit. broke: tim stays up late working on cases, woke: tim stays up late texting his friends and playing video games over chat. tim just. interacts with his family, gets bullied by them, ya. that’s the life. also he and duke keep throwing hands because it’s the family curse to beat up tim and in this essay i will discuss how dick is the superior sibling because he never tried to kill tim—wait he probably pushed him down the stairs once nvm but it was totally justified, king

duke: texting-4, online-4 because he has, like, school. and daytime patrol. and is like a junior in high school and therefore has a fuck ton of homework. my boy has no time for family and he doesn’t want it because they’re annoying, obviously 🙄. if he wants drama he’ll go into damian’s room and get the drama. diy icon. he’s online as much as he texts but is so fast of a reader he’ll know the drama in time for the next episode of wayne family shit. most of his time online is picking fights with tim and roasting his siblings to a crisp. he’s so mean, guys, legend has it that one time duke told jason that his helmet looked like a shriveled up dildo and that it could never be the gay statement he wanted it to be jason went offline for that entire day in order to cry himself to sleep. at least he got sleep (allegedly) ayyy duke the problem solver.

damian: texting-1.5, online 2 because the only time he’s texting is to ask dick for photos of bitewing and to send photos of his pets back as proper payment. a negotiator ugghhh father like son. damian honestly doesn’t care about the drama he just wants to sketch bitewing (using the photos dick sent as reference) into the Family Portrait Sketch™️ of the rest of the Animal Family™️. it is an honor for damian to create such a piece, picasso the women hater quakes in his grave as such art that blows his dog shit “art” FAR out of the water is developing. anyways, he goes online for that and to throw random barbs at his siblings. like no one is online and damian just throws a “drake is stupid” in chat and just dips. he’s online more to text the other teen titans and jon because they’re better than his dumbass family (and he texts grayson on messenger so fhdjdjsks) true chat cryptic, jason envies him

alfred: 0-texting, 10-online. huh who said that

“duke take down the tik toks, tim is crying”

“who has my sweatshirt??? i will kill you all” “i have it jason” “nvm cass that’s your sweatshirt now i’m sorry for being presumptuous don’t aTTACK ME” fhdjdjsks

“guys i have the day off do you want to hear when delilah said to jonathon it’s so funny” “are those the kids in your gymnastics class?” “ya” “tell us everything”

the bats just... love hearing drama about those kids because they’re so dramatic. apparently alex threw a rubber ball at maya and she tackled them. wild.

time for a round of: WHO SAID IT?!?!

“how do i make my text bold like the rest of you?” —bruce, dick, cass, and jason at some point.

“how do i change my screen name? please change it back to before” -cass when tim changed her name to “hal jordon #1 stan” (“what is a stan” —bruce), (“i don’t like it either change it back” —bruce after finding out what a stan is)

“what the fuck is a pog” —jason

“fucking ‘tik tok’. we used to use vine when i was a teen. i was a front line soldier of great disasters” —dick on one hand lmfao dick is so old but on the other hand holy shit you used vine??? tell us more about the battles fought

“what is a dilf?” —bruce after scrolling through twitter

ok that’s all, my brain is gone.

“cass dick is turning purple get off him” “no. make him give me my scarf back.” “oh dad that’s terrible can you send a video as evidence?”

“GUYS I FOUND A CAT AND IT SCRATCHED ME AND IM GOING TO THE HOSPITAL BUT GUYS!!! CAT!!!” “drake send a photo of the cat immediately” lmfao bruce zooms to the hospital after that text

“GUYS THE CAT HAS AN OWNER I CANT KEEP THE CAT 🥲” “the one time you could prove to be of use and you fail, drake.” “wow tim, find a cat to steal without an owner next time” “timmy, timmy, timmy, i can’t believe you’ve messed up in finding a cat again” “again?” “again?” “again?” “when i adopt a cat i’m not showing any of you, i hate you all” (lmao hard version of guess who is who i’ll give you a hint dick cass and bruce are the confused ones. )ok it’s not hard anymore.

“dad please get me a cat 😳🐱 haha jk 🤣😩 unless 👀😏😃🙏🥰” anyways tim named the cat starry because of her fur-hair-thingy

“they just so you all know steph just crashed in my apartment and i have work in the morning” “i will pick her up in the morning” “you mean tim will, you don’t have a license, cass. anyways”

“dick do you need help moving?” “no, bruce, i think i can handle it, donna and wally are helping me anyways, but thank you” “mOVING???” “OUT OF YOUR APARTMENT???” “DICK THAT SAME APARTMENT ON 666 HELLHOLE AVENUE???” “...ya?” “NOOOOO” anyways they all break into dick’s new apartment when he moves in, walk around it, and then leave. they just... ya... damn, these bats...

anyways that’s all. see ya.

[tosikoarts]

Modern AU Ogata BF HC

Hey-hey! It took some time but there you go, honey ♡ Got carried away thinking about how Ogata feeding stray cats >>> everything else.  Hope you enjoy these headcanons!!  You can check tosikowrites tag for more.

General:

Noda once said that in a modern setting Ogata would be a dentist but let me disagree with him. I can clearly see Ogata as a photographer, a successful one, the one that allows himself to be arrogant without a fear that his client will drop him. Thanks to the unique style and skillful handling of light, Ogata quickly became popular among ordinary photography lovers and pompous snobs and now he does not miss a single opportunity to prick the latter. Knows he is good at what he is doing and takes full advantage of this.

Despite what is written above, Ogata still lives in a small apartment on the outskirts of Sapporo and doesn’t plan to move out in the nearest future. Partially it is due to the feeling of emancipation from beloved father and the sweetest stepbrother who cannot stop prying into his affairs. Last month Yuusaku has sneaked to the private galleries where Ogata was presenting his new photoshoots two times leaving Hyakunosuke in a state of stupid stupor when he was welcomed with a warm brotherly hug.

Still a salty little bitch online. Has few throwaway accounts to start a discourse on any topic that is even minimally discussable. Is immune to death threats at this point. Has met Vasily online and can’t stop discussing Russian politics with him from whatever crazy thing Vladimir Zhirinovsky has said (Ogata loses thousands of brain cells reading articles about him) to the news about the alleged Putin palace. He now knows some Russian too, mostly swear words and basic phrases.

Constantly torn between I don’t need anybody and if I don’t interact with a human being in a less hostile manner I will go apeshit. Meets up with Shiraishi, Sugimoto, Tanigaki, and Kiroranke once in a while to piss off Sugi and teasingly ask Tanigaki if he wants another nude photo shoot. By the way, he lives on black coffee with no sugar or milk so Ogata often runs into Tsukishima when the man orders a triple espresso and teriyaki chicken sandwich. If Koito is not here, they chat for a little secret wish to never meet again. Then they meet next week and the situation repeats itself as in a Groundhog Day.

There is no place for another cat in his apartment but Ogata loves cats and makes sure to feed and pet every one on his street. Once raised a whole litter of kittens whose mother was sadly hit by a car and became an adoptive father for three big bois who visit his apartment complex for free head pats and treats. Doesn’t share this part of his life since Ogata doesn’t want to be seen as a kindhearted person lmao.

BF HC:

Where could you meet Ogata if not on Tinder? The description of his profile was extremely cryptic and consisted only of name, height, and weight, nothing else. The first few days of talking to him feel like you are being looked down on even though Ogata acts pretty friendly and puts some effort into getting to know you out of casual wyd and you up texts. Goes offline for a few days then comes back with no explanations whatsoever. This first stage is a pure test of patience because Ogata knows he is not the best man around and can be a real pain in the ass. The sooner they get to know his bad side the better.

He doesn’t get fancy dates like candlelight dinner or going to the theater. Doesn’t mix work and personal life either so do not expect an exclusive invitation to his personal exhibitions. Ogata prefers hasteless walks along the river, ice-skating under the myriad of holiday garlands, playing mortal combat late at night with empty takeaway boxes chilling on the table. Cheap and comfy. If his newfound partner doesn’t know how to skate or rollerblade, Ogata will be twice as persistent: he likes to see them slowly learning how to skate as much as holding their hand through the night.

Vasily likes to draw. Ogata loves to take photos. For the first anniversary, he has collected a whole ton of photos for a cute collage. He took one when they were spinning in the kitchen like a whirligig making sure soup wasn’t too salty and noodles were just right for adding a sauce. Another one was taken when they both were trying old-fashioned pieces from the thrift shop looking like a modern-day John Lennon and Yoko Ono. They fell asleep right on top of Ogata and he managed to take a selfie kissing them on the top of their head. Put all the pieces together with texts and custom ring and voila – Ogata’s present is ready.

Teasing borders with light insults though he does not always realize it. Calls his partner silly in the sweetest tone before showing how to do the thing right. Pillow fights last until fluff flies from the pillows and Ogata won’t stop tickling them until tears stream down their cheeks. Says fuck me both as call to action and disappointed sigh with the same intonation so have fun figuring this man out. Absolute treasure and curse in one person and he won’t ever admit it but he is trying so hard to suppress the urge to push them away as a defense mechanism. Never apologizes but crawls back to them after every argument.

Speaking of which, arguments are common but rarely end up in loud door slam or hysteria. Usually, it happens when Ogata can’t control himself and pushes too many buttons of theirs so his teasing ends up being too harsh… Anyway, the cat got Ogata’s tongue and he doesn’t know how to use words to ask for forgiveness but! When he feels like it is definitely his fault, Ogata will cook ankonabe as unspoken sorry, I’ve messed up a big time and don’t know how to fix it, please don’t be mad, please talk to me. It’s rare but if he really feels this way Ogata will be stick like glue to them fearing that this time they will definitely leave him and his shitty camera all alone again.

[thesunnyshow]

Name: Bel

Writing Blog URL(s): @skzctnightnight

What fandom(s) do you write for? Kpop: Stray Kids and NCT

Age: 27

Nationality: American

Languages: English

Star Sign: Capricorn

MBTI: ENFP-T

Favorite color: Pink 

Favorite food: Chocolate covered marshmallows

Favorite movie: Who Framed Roger Rabbit

Favorite ice cream flavor: Cookie dough

Favorite animal: Dogs

Go-to karaoke song: Do Ya Think I’m Sexy by Rod Stewart or if they have it, Teenage Dirtbag by Wheatus (I do NOT go to karaoke anymore)

Dream job (whether you have a job or not): Court reporter

Coffee or tea? What are you ordering? 

Coffee! Iced Americano or a Cafe au Lait. 

If you could have one superpower, what would you choose? Time stop

If you could visit a historical era, which would you choose? 

Golden age of Hollywood, but purely as an invisible visitor

If you could restart your life, knowing what you do now, would you? 

Not at all. 

Would you rather fight 100 chicken-sized horses or one horse-sized chicken? 

100 chicken sized horses. Chickens have sharp bits!

If you were a trope in a teen high school movie, what would you have been? 

Like a stock character? Cool loser, not so socially awkward you can’t hang out with her, but also just weird enough that you still might not want to. 

Do you believe in aliens/supernatural creatures? 

Sure!

Fun fact about yourself that not everyone would know? 

I can clap with one hand!

When did you post your first piece? 

January 7, 2019, 6:38 PM

Why did you decide to write for Tumblr?

Tumblr was my home for years shortly after it began, and I left it before I graduated college. When I got back into kpop, I never knew there was a fic community for it on tumblr! I wanted the sense of community that I missed from first being here.

Do you write fluff/angst/crack/general/smut, combo, etc? Why? 

I write primarily plotty smut in all sorts of combinations except for crack. 

Do you write OCs, X Readers, Ships...etc? 

I write X Reader plots! Sometimes my pieces include an element of ships or OC’s. 

What genres/AUs do you enjoy writing the most?

I love writing thrillers and mysteries lately, but my bread and butter is developing relationships. I enjoy college au’s and other adult life scenarios, but occasionally I really enjoy finding a perspective I don’t see very often and expanding on that.

What tropes do you love, and what tropes can’t you stand?

I love friends to lovers, and adore rivals to lovers. I like power dynamics and developing relationships. I can’t believe I’m admitting this, but I really do not like fate or destiny or soulmates. I like characters that stumble upon a new purpose, or feel that they’re supposed to be with someone, but I feel like destiny is just too convenient.

Who is your favorite person to write about?

I do love writing Han Jisung with all my heart. I love him so much and he has such an amazing personality to work with. I also love writing my Reader inserts.

What inspires you to write? 

I love the satisfaction in crafting a plot and seeing it come together. Making a vision into a tangible piece that you can share and revisit is special, no matter how big or small.  

What is your writing process like?

Typically, I mull over a concept for a couple days before I begin a bullet point outline in google docs. The draft gets added and worked on within the outline until the draft is finalized, and then I finally remove the outline framework. This is typically where the title is made with a header image before I proofread. I read one more time while formatting on tumblr itself and then post!

What do you do when you hit a rough spot creatively? 

I take a break, walk away, and come back. If it’s still not there, I write something either related in theme or character or something entirely different so I can get myself worked out. This sort of move has birthed a few side projects that turned into personal favorites. 

What is your favorite work and why? Your most successful? 

My favorite completed work is my series Standby. It began shortly after accepting the fact that I had a new bias that I wasn’t expecting and those feelings seeped into the plot and helped it grow. I never expected to get so invested in this little love story. My most successful work is my series Righteous, which my readers know I have a difficult relationship with. I understand why it has fans, but I still struggle with feeling like I could’ve done so many things better. 

What do you think makes a good story?

I can’t help but feel like it’s good characters and a good plot together, as cheesy as that sounds. Everything needs a satisfying conclusion and good characters help that to be even more satisfying, even if that conclusion is sex.

What do you hope your readers take away from your work?

I hope the plot comes through, as hokey as it sounds. Some of my favorite comments are from readers who weren’t expecting to be so invested from just reading the tags and description. If I can make someone care for a character and make them want a certain ending for them, then I’m happy.

Do you think there’s a difference between writing fanfiction vs. completely original prose? 

Absolutely! I came from writing original works and the freedom is almost overwhelming at times. You can literally write whatever you want. The key to good fanfiction, though, is understanding the character you’re using and how you are using them in the plot. If the only thing the character has in common with the source is their name and appearance, then what is the point?

Would you ever repurpose a fic into a completely original story? 

I have absolutely considered it, but only for Prowl so far. 

How much would you say audience feedback/engagement means to you? 

Feedback means the world to me. Whether it’s incoherent praise, or a full length review, or even just a friendly reminder of a tag I missed, everything is valuable and helps keep me moving. Things can take exponentially longer when I’m solely writing for myself, which is easy to feel like with no feedback or engagement. 

What has been one of the biggest factors of your success (of any size)? 

Connecting with other writers has been beneficial and satisfactory in multiple ways. Networks and making friends with other writers has helped me improve and share my work. I really don’t think I’d be nearly as successful without these other writers. The community aspect of our craft makes it stronger. 

Do you think fanfic writers get unfairly judged? 

Definitely! And more lines get drawn the deeper you get. When tumblr first started and fanfiction(dot)net was still the reigning empire, fanfiction was purely taboo to the mainstream. Every writer was Tara Gilesbie and every work was My Immortal. Let’s be entirely real, EL James becoming a household name changed everything. But the medium is under more scrutiny than other fan work, because talent is less surface than in visual mediums. Every author is assumed to be amateur until proven otherwise, and this stigma thankfully lessens the more a reader becomes familiar with the medium. It’s that introductory phase that really affects things. 

Do you think art can be a medium for change? 

Absolutely! Even on a small level. In the smut side of the medium, writers are always using their platform to display ideal examples of consent, communication, and how identity is discussed and expressed. Cheesy, sure, but be the change you want to see in the world. 

Do you ever feel there are times when you’re writing for others, rather than yourself? 

I always feel as though I’m writing for others, ever since I first got feedback that my work personally affected someone. I write for them, even if I don’t know who they are. They’re just as important to the story as I am when writing it. I do write for myself, because why else would I? I cook for myself, but food is better when shared. I write for myself, but it’s always better when shared. 

Do you ever feel like people have misunderstood you or your writing at times? 

Considering the ethics of the specific nuances of my writing (real people x reader smut) it’s hard not to feel that way, to be honest. 

Do your offline friends/loved ones know you write for Tumblr?

On a need to know basis! My fiancé knows and is incredibly supportive. My friends know (except for friends on Tumblr), and they’re completely supportive or simply don’t mind and pay it no attention. My mom knows, but she doesn’t know I write smut specifically. No one tell my mom lmao. 

What is one thing you wish you could tell your followers? 

I want them to know I love and appreciate all of them. I do want to know more about what they like or don’t like, but I understand why it’s difficult to engage sometimes. 

Do you have any advice for aspiring writers who might be too scared to put themselves out there? 

Make a pen name and create a new you. Does anyone actually think my name is Belmont? When you have your new you, get to networking. Socializing is hard, but making friends who support you and want to share your work is important. Start out with requests and hate and doubt your work like everyone else. That fear is normal, that doubt is normal, but it’s how you use that fear and doubt that matters. Use it as fuel to write, and prove it to yourself. 

Are there any times when you regret joining Tumblr? 

Sure! There are some users on here who have too much time on their hands and not enough hobbies so they use their precious time on this earth to harass writers. That toxicity makes it tempting to regret this whole venture. 

Do you have any mutuals who have been particularly formative/supportive in your Tumblr journey?

 I keep saying this and I will keep saying this, but I only started this blog after feeling encouraged by Bea @sluttyten to do so. She’s been such an incredible, dear friend, just like Lexi @hellapainyo who came as soon as I started. Moe @wildernessuntothemselves helped me realize some of my strengths and embrace my writing. Rae @starxblossom is truly my younger sister on the other side of the planet, and I love geeking out or plotting together. Yue @yueliangs-wonderland is such an inspiration and dear friend of mine. I can’t imagine being here and enjoying myself like I do without her. There’s so many more, and I love all of them. 

Pick a quote to end your interview with: 

“What critics call dirty in our pictures, they call lusty in foreign films.” - Billy Wilder

BONUS ROUND: K-POP CONFIDENTIAL

[wannawrite]

Hundredth - LYJ 2

who?: Nine Percent’s Lin Yanjun genre: 🌺 type: bullet point TW: toxic relationship blog navigator. part two / two 

part one You love yanjun, I love yanjun. pls read part one first!! sorry for the lateness, school just started up again and it’s been so hectic :((( - admin l

disclaimer: pictures used do not belong to me and credit goes to their original owners everything that is written here is purely fictional DO NOT READ IF TRIGGERING

~

two things 

one: you felt absolutely shitfaced

two: you dreamed about meeting a handsome dude and giving him your jewelry

losing money

fantastic

but hey, he was cute though

head sore, back aching and the urge to throw up all the alcohol consumed last night, you didn’t want to pry your memory for details

your dating life was now non-existent

that hurt

it was very real

and very tragic 

the pain of realisation must’ve triggered your imagination to create your

ideal soulmate

tall 

handsome 

playful 

sexy 

all in one package 

he was no Ken doll 

not a trace of any of Yang’s characteristics 

a scowl edged itself onto your face at the thought of your ex-fiancé 

who was in Paris chasing the woman of his dreams, mind you

if only Evan was a real human and not some figment of your imagination 

you would have married him in an instant 

unfortunately, Evan was a mere hologram of your expectations

thus, you were doomed to stay single 

your back hit the soft bed with a thump 

sigh 

I just want to go back to sleep 

so Evan and I can keep meeting in our dreams 

想要牵着你的手到我们的梦中梦游

wait! 

this is still Yang’s apartment,,,that I used to call ‘home’ 

I lied to myself 

he’ll be back from his ‘business trip’ tonight

I have to pack up and get the hell out of here! 

f*ck, I wasted time daydreaming about something so useless

ouch! my head 

what the hell! why can’t anything go my way for once

you groped around to find balance, vision distorted, dizziness settling into your brain 

i’m never drinking again! 

what happened last night? 

.....did I? 

so, I got drunk, drew up my little own Ken doll in my head

lost almost 250 million worth of gems that aren’t mine

your face began to flush red 

lol at least Yang won’t have them either 

he designed that entire collection with her in his head 

that aside, I’m never getting drunk again 

carelessly, your hand swept over the bedside table

effectively knocking over most of the items 

indistinct clinks and clatters filled the empty space 

then, a soft ping of a tiny item hitting the carpeted ground caught your attention 

squinting against the sunlight, your eyes searched for the object 

even though it was mildly damaging to your retinas, the sunlight caused the object to sparkle

your hands curved around the smooth metal

fingers traced the distinctive carvings along the band 

Cartier 

upon closer inspection, you noticed that there was a strip of paper wrapped around it 

cautiously, you unwrapped it 

‘I’m sorry’ was scrawled on the paper 

it made your breath hitch in your throat 

who was apologising? 

what for? 

‘Don’t worry, things will start looking up from here. - E’

E v a n 

your hands began to shake uncontrollably

either in excitement or anxiety - you weren’t sure 

evan was real 

he had returned your Cartier bracelet 

at least he had kept your damned engagement ring 

throw it out or whatever, you didn’t care about that chunk of space rock anymore 

hopefully, Evan had burned in it an incinerator 

hopefully, he would run back to slip a new one on your finger 

NO!

lmao you just swore off relationships yesterday

and now you’re desperate for a guy to sweep you off your feet 

but this wasn’t just any guy 

he was your guy

your dream guy 

drunk or not, you knew he was a 12/10 personality wise

or maybe,,,you just haven’t met anyone befitting of your standards

tbh idk if that’s grammatically correct

were you just desperate because of a broken heart? 

god no

Yang didn’t deserve your prized heart

Evan though…

Was he a real, breathing man with blood flowing through his veins and sunlight gracing his skin? 

Could he be the person you had been looking for? 

Would you ever have a future together? 

There were just too many questions

and too few answers 

but what were the chances of you ever meeting Evan again? 

what were the odds of him coming back into your life again? 

outside of your dreamland

There was absolutely no guarantee that this note was genuine too 

Someone could just be pulling a gross prank 

Maybe there was a thief and he had just pretended to be Evan

had you been robbed last night? 

NO I’M THINKING TOO FAR 

Evan is off limits since he’s currently still a fictional dude 

besides, it would be creepy to just keep dreaming about this guy 

if he even exists 

This itself is creepy...only because I can’t remember anything 

a shudder shook your shoulders as you clambered off the bed 

ew 

your mind had to be made 

right now

two things: 

No, I won’t go searching for him 

Yes, I’ll quit thinking about him 

or anyone for that matter 

It’s about time I enjoy my life while single and youthful 

Time to pack up my things

Leave this apartment 

the Cartier bracelet slid onto your wrist perfectly 

this,,,you would keep closely 

you marched out of the building with confidence in your stride

even your bags were tugged with strength and determination 

no more Yang 

no more Evan 

no more relationships

...for some time at least

just me, I’m content being single 

however, if you had been honest with yourself

your heart would not begin to tug your brain in the opposite direction 

~

‘I lied when I said this necklace was worth 17 million,’ Cheng Xiao revealed.

‘It’s that value multiplied by nine. 

A hundred and fifty-three million dollar necklace 

and that amount would double after the deal was sealed 

Yanjun’s guilty conscience began to awake

he,,,stole close to 250 million in an unfair squabble 

The nine leaders surrounding the table were clearly shocked by the discovery 

Cheng Xiao chuckled

She knew those boys wouldn’t bother to wholly invest themselves in the jewelry 

The necklace was not theirs to keep anyway 

It was a mere pawn in this game 

There was 0.00% chance that YingYang Gems would continue their showcase 

the necklace was supposed to debut in that collection 

looks like they had to wait until Hundredths returned the gems

more likely than not, YingYang Gems would be forced to pull a plug on the showcase 

which would give Yuehua Jewellers the window to be the only top-tier jewelry debuting a new collection this month 

Hundredths held a huge amount of shares in Yuehua Jewellers 

believe me, I did research on this 

Cheng Xiao was not going to lose them all 

‘Once their stock market rises, so will our shares,’ Cheng Xiao explained, gesturing to a chart. ‘Jieqiong will decide when to buy and sell.’ 

Yanjun didn’t understand the specifics mentioned but he got the rough idea 

sort of 

he left issues like these to Xukun, Linong 

Cheng Xiao and Xukun continued to explain and discuss the situation 

Yanjun tuned out to most of it

His job was done 

he felt that he no longer wanted to play a part in this particular operation 

He just felt so damn stupid for allowing his feelings to get caught up in his work 

Yanjun felt like leaving the meeting room but he dug his heels into the carpet, forcing himself to stay 

His work was constantly emotionally and physically draining, yes 

but never like this 

Cheng Xiao glanced at the clock on the wall 

‘Okay. That’s all for today. We’ll discuss further when there’s an update from YingYang or Yuehua. Good work!’ 

Yanjun smiled and clapped along with everyone 

He was genuinely proud and happy for his mentor and fellow comrades 

It was just his own emotions that got in the way 

‘I want to praise Yanjun for doing such an excellent job at acquiring the goods. An applause for him please! Bro did well,’ Xukun suddenly announced. 

He had good intentions - Yanjun could tell by the look in his eyes

Xukun meant well 

his friends praised him with good wishes and slaps on the back 

The more attention and recognition he received, the nauseous feeling only grew 

Yanjun finally caught a breath when he slipped out of the meeting room and headed towards the gymnasium 

at this hour, the gym would usually have one or two athletes exercising 

it was an awkward hour between late lunch and early dinner time

true enough, Ziyi and Yuntian were the only two in the huge complex

Yuntian as in Zhu Yuntian, 1/2 on the slept on Zhu twins 

‘Hey bro,’ Ziyi greeted warmly as Yanjun stepped into the gym. 

Yuntian smiled from his place on a weight machine 

‘It’s great you’re keeping to your workout schedule,’ Ziyi beamed. ‘That ensures you’re always healthy for more missions like these.’ 

‘And hopefully a daily dose of endorphins keep that scowl off your face,’ Yuntian joked

that managed to crack a small smile from Yanjun 

Yanjun began to stretch as a warm up 

‘Jun, you did well. You’re happy with yourself, aren’t you?’ 

Yanjun’s mouth went dry, he pressed his lips together 

‘Of course, all of us worked hard for this mission,’ he forced the words out through gritted teeth 

brainwashing himself to focus on the benefits was harder than imagined 

Ziyi furrowed his thick brows

‘I-it’s j-just...you seem to be a bit glum and undermining yourself. I want you to know how great you performed.’ 

Ziyi

‘It must’ve been so difficult getting in there,’ 

Please

‘Especially when Zhangjing and I went offline and you were left by yourself,’ 

Stop 

‘I realised how much you’ve improved and I must commend you on that,’ 

Talking

‘Yanjun, you’re so amazing-‘ 

‘ZIYI!’ Yanjun finally exploded 

He didn’t mean to 

truly 

Ziyi was going what he thought would uplift Yanjun, it’s what any good friend would do 

shocked by his outburst, Ziyi stumbled back, losing his composure 

even Yuntian stopped his exercise to find out what had happened 

Yanjun bit down hard on his lips 

he had to calm down before he spoke

otherwise, a dear friend could be hurt by his words 

His words had already taken away many things 

He wasn’t about to lose his dear friend 

‘Ziyi, I’m sorry I reacted that way,’ Yanjun began by apologising

he gripped onto Ziyi’s shoulders but not in a domineering manner 

he just had to ensure his best friend wouldn’t slip away 

Yanjun sighed. ‘I-I’ve just been worn out from this mission and I’m trying to think of other things.’ 

Ziyi nodded. ‘Of course, of course.’ 

ways to cheer Ziyi up 

clogs in his brain reeled to find an appropriate solution 

‘You know, let’s take a break and get a coffee from the nearby cafe.’ 

~

manwhore: I know you stole my new collection. Return it to me, or you’ll pay 

manwhore: don’t think for a minute that I won’t press charges 

hiss hiss hoe: there’s evidence you left MY apartment with a big ass suitcase 

hiss hiss hoe: you can’t possibly have that many things just own up that you took the collection and I’ll drop the charges 

hiss hiss snake: listen, call my lawyer by 10pm today and all is even

just reading your messed up texts gets my blood boiling 

dumbass 

you: I don’t take shit that doesn’t mean anything to me 

you: you’ve got the wrong person 

you: the apartment was already wrecked when I got there and whoever was there had left ages ago 

*snake is calling* 

*call declined* 

*snake is calling* 

*call declined* 

*snake is calling* 

‘What!’ you snapped, causing customers seated around you to divert their attention. 

‘What the hell do you want? I don’t want anything to do with you!’ 

‘You know what I want,’ your ex-fiancé’s voice crackled. ‘I want you to return my collection by today or I’m going ahead with the police.’ 

‘I didn’t take your shit,’ you growled in frustration, exasperated. ‘I’m not playing childish games here, Yang.’ 

yes, I wore the jewelry but when I woke up only my Cartier bracelet was left 

I genuinely don’t know what happened!

but it isn’t my problem

Yang sighed from the other end of the line, most likely in annoyance. ‘Fine, be like that. I’m coming over to your townhouse with my lawyer to negotiate. Don’t drag our parents into this, you’ve already delayed the launch. That’s enough from you.’ 

the line went dead on the other side before you had a chance to protest 

your phone thudded onto the table as you buried your head in your hands

in the queue, Yanjun, Yuntian, and Ziyi were well aware of your situation 

their keen ears had heard it all 

‘What are we going to do?’ Yanjun hissed. ‘We can’t let Yang do this.’ 

‘Honestly, I don’t think there’s much we can do at this point.’ Yuntian looked uncertain, shaking his head. 

‘But if we allow Yang to press charges and call the police, we’re at a bigger risk of being found out. How did he get back from Paris so fast?’ 

oh no 

Ziyi shot him a strange look. ‘Paris? I know he was due back tonight but wasn’t he in the city the whole time?’ 

cover blown 

‘Jun ge, a-are you hiding something from us?’ Yuntian asked

Ziyi sipped his mocha latte, 

‘Okay,’ Yanjun said. ‘Let me explain.’ 

it was hard to whisper in hushed tones through their masks AND with the person in question sitting less than 5 tables away 

also, Ziyi and Yuntian weren’t the most helpful by ‘oohing’ and ‘ahhing’ at Yanjun’s every word 

once he was done with his storytelling, the table went silent as they were all deep in thought 

Ziyi huffed, feeling clueless as to what to do 

‘We have to help them for the sake of protecting ourselves,’ he voiced after awhile 

Yuntian and Yanjun nodded attentively 

‘Okay,’ Ziyi muttered after a while. ‘I have a plan.’ 

~

when Ziyi said he had a plan...I didn’t think we were going to be waiting outside their townhouse 

stalking is more of an accurate choice of words 

this is so stupid,,,and creepy 

but what else could we really do 

Zhangjing had already gotten their information 

Ziyi had said that Yang’s force would definitely pressure you into accepting his offer 

and that was when the Hundredths came in 

they were going to pretend to be Yuehua representatives and lawyers whatever role they could find 

if you know YingYang Gems, you certainly know how Yuehua Jewellers is pitted against them 

the townhouse seemed compact and cozy yet modern and elegant

clearly, it had not been lived in for a very long time 

in fact, the only occupants were the monthly housemaids 

Yanjun spotted your shoes strewn across the porch, a sign of your hasty arrival and departure to get coffee 

from a mile away, Yuntian announced your arrival 

unfortunately, a black Mercedes Benz was quickly making its way down the lane too 

too fast if Yanjun may add 

Yang on one end 

you on the other 

this wasn’t going to be pretty 

Yanjun braced himself for a hissy fight 

Probably most of the pettiness from YingYang 

as expected, Yang’s car reached first 

his car ignored the trio, nearly crashing into them 

a polished, suited driver stepped out of the car to punch a code into the keypad 

red began to shade his cheeks when the gate let out an alarming buzz, signaling the password was wrong 

furious, Yang stuck his head out of the window and barked, ‘What! They changed the password! Not like that would stop me! Try again!’

then, he noticed Yuntian, Ziyi, and Yanjun 

his lips curled into a nasty sneer 

‘Who are you? Get away from my house!’ He snarled defensively 

Yanjun had to bite his lips to stop the laughter 

‘If it is indeed your house,’ Ziyi began smoothly, mockingly almost. ‘Wouldn’t you know the password?’ 

Yang’s temper only blew up, his face reddened in anger. ‘Of course, I do! My fiancé must’ve changed the password, thieves these days....I’ll contact them right now! Off my property! My lawyer is sitting in my car.’ 

so many ‘my’s, Yanjujn rolled his eyes 

Yang ordered his driver to try again and even suggested breaking in 

‘I don’t think you break into houses you call your own,’ Yanjun snapped, unable to take any more of his insolence. 

Especially since he had heard your side of the story

Yang’s current behaviour only confirmed his suspicions 

his shirt was made out of 100% dickhead material 

‘What’s going on?’ 

three strangers, one shiny black all-too-familiar car with two all-too-familiar passengers were parked right in front of your house 

‘Darling!’ Yang’s fake sugary tone made you want to throw hot coffee in his face 

‘I was trying to stop these...these hooligans! from breaking into our house.’ 

the blood rushing through your veins began to boil like a tempest 

‘The only hooligan here is you. We’re done, get away from my property,’ you fired back. ‘Leave my representatives alone!’ 

the company of three strangers seemed much better than his at that moment 

guys, idw to be that person, but please do be careful around people you don’t know 

suddenly, the window rolled down to reveal a woman sitting in the back seat

Yanjun’s breath hitched in his throat when he spotted the giant rock on her ring finger 

‘Sweetheart,’ she shrieked. ‘Are we done here yet? I want to head inside, sort out this lawyer thing and go shopping for our wedding already.’ 

the sobs you choked back were so visible to Yanjun. You were trying your best to keep your emotions a bay 

it wasn’t only your anger but his 

‘Wow, Mr Yang I will say you have guts to act this way,’ he growled. ‘Our client has just parted ways with you after two years of engagement and more of betrothal without the slightest bit of a wedding in mind.’ 

‘And here you are, already planning a dream wedding to someone you’ve met a week ago after cruelly ditching your ex. Then, you have the audacity to accuse them, force them to meet your lawyer at their house, claiming the house was yours.’ 

Yang opened his mouth to reply but Yanjun didn’t even spare him a second to shut it 

‘And you bring your new fiancé along to humiliate my client. If it truly is a legal matter between the two of you like you claim it to be, her presence isn’t required.’ 

your jaw dropped open and shut many times and you couldn’t stop thinking about how this mysterious man looked so,,, familiar 

Recognisable

but you had to save your pride right now. ‘You’ve met my representatives, we’re here for a meeting. Go before I call the police.’ 

‘This house is in my name.’ 

Thankfully, the car sped off without another word from the passengers

your jelly legs sank on the pavement, breathes coming out in short bursts 

‘T-thanks the help,’ you whispered. ‘D-do I know you from somewhere?’ 

Yanjun shook his head, eyes sparkling

he offered to help you up 

‘Unfortunately not but, we’re here to help you.’

He had a smooth way of talking, you noted. Bad sign, bad sign. All the charming ones will are heartbreaking bad boys 

but isn’t that a trait of your Ken doll Evan? 

the raven-haired, man bun sporting man cleared his throat and stepped forward 

‘We’re representatives from Yuehua Jewellers and there are some issues we would like to discuss regarding YingYang Gems.’ 

if they were Yuehua, they had to take your side 

three strangers in your house isn’t a problem when you have about ten bodyguards inside 

the gate let out a friendly beep and slid open without trouble after you had keyed in the password 

‘If it’s about boycotting Yang,’ you said, gesturing for them to enter. ‘Then, be my guest.’

~

The ‘meeting’ was successful on both terms 

Yanjun couldn’t be more ecstatic that you were finally getting away from Yang - at least for a while 

but he had to keep his true identity a secret at all times, no matter what 

However, the ‘subtle, casual’ looks that you gave him didn’t go unnoticed at all 

it was SO obvious that your brain was reeling to provide answers to your burning questions 

my last three brain cells during an exam: 

as much as Yanjun wanted to answer them himself, he restrained himself from doing so 

Now, you only knew him as Jun

That was how it was supposed to stay 

but Yanjun wasn’t sure if his heart would allow it 

…

did,,, did he really admit that? 

he can’t 

emotions and work don’t match, it would only complicate things 

yet, he would surely crumble if you pressed any further 

in order to protect himself, to protect his brothers and to protect  you, Yanjun stayed far far away from you 

he sent relatively harmless people out to meet and update you 

you only held Ziyi’s contact 

Yanjun was doing all this to keep you safe 

from him 

but it was the smallest of details that gave away his attraction 

like how he pestered Cheng Xiao for an update on the transaction every hour

or how he snuck glances over Ziyi’s shoulder when he was texting you 

he also snuck out with zheng ruibin to keep tabs on Yang, to ensure he was no longer harassing you

dread was gnawing at him from all sides 

he felt as if eyes were glaring bullet holes into him even in the safety of his room 

Yanjun lay on his bed, ears tuned into the goodnight wishes of his corridor mates 

he had to sort out his life right now

first of all, he had gotten all heart-eyed when he met you and then charmed away your jewelry 

he felt guilty for worsening your emotional breakdown AND for letting his own emotions get in the way of his work

now, he was trying to solve your problem

but Yanjun wasn’t going to waltz into your life, sweep you off your feet and propose to you 

because he knew he didn’t deserve to 

either way, he can’t satisfy both sides of a Gemini 

Yanjun was not mistaking pity for attraction, he was schooled enough to know that 

he wasn’t going to f*ck up your life and feelings more than he already had

Yanjun was placed in a tight spot 

knowing him would only put you in more danger 

so no matter what happened, for the sake of your sanity and safety 

He had to withstand the pressure crushing his shoulders, go against the wind and grow against the sun 

only diamonds come out of the rough

A Hundredth had no excuse not to 

two days later, Yang’s collection was returned safely and anonymously 

the launch continued 

but by then, Yuehua had garnered the majority of the media’s attention and public eye 

beneficial 

today was essentially your last chance to get rid of the thought that bugged your mind 

Jun 

Evan 

why did both of them seem so,,, alike?

to clear up things, you decided that there was indeed a guy named Evan in your life

and the idea of it was absolutely mortifying 

curiosity killed the cat,,,but the cat does have nine lives 

if you did indeed dump your problems and jewelry through your mini cryfest on some poor dude, you had the right to know 

from the start, YH representative Jun had caught your eye 

he was calculating, cheeky, playful and intelligent all together 

he also reminded you of someone 

personality wise 

you remembered Evan had a light silvery tint to his hair, a pair of dimples, deep voice and large eyes 

your ideal ‘Ken doll’

Jun was definitely your type

nevermind, Evan didn’t have to exist if you had Jun

had

you wouldn’t ever be able to breathe the same air as him

Jun was slowly slipping away from you

in fact, the last time you heard of his existence was yesterday night

when Zacharie was texting you and mentioned a component that Jun would manage

take the Z from Ziyi and IE from Boogie and you get Zacharie

trying to make up fake names on the spot

there were so many burning questions at the tip of your tongue

Jun resembled Evan so closely

,,,were you confusing reality and fiction? are you going mad?

annoyed, you let out a huff and flopped onto your bed

men could be so infuriating and irritating!

you: hi Zacharie, thank you for all your help these few days. Please thank the team at Yuehua on my behalf. To properly bid you farewell, I ordered some small gifts for the office. It would be great if you could send someone to pick them up! Thanks!

mhm

Zacharie and Jun won’t even know what hit them

truthfully, you didn’t have any farewell gifts because you never wanted to part

you: assistant lu please prepare appropriate tokens of appreciation for colleagues by 2pm today

~ 

why why why why why! 

the same mantra kept chanting over and over in Yanjun’s head

he had been so desperately trying to avoid you at all costs yet here he was, at your front gate

Ziyi had specifically said this errand was for him to run

currently, the only running Yanjun wanted to do was to run away from his responsibilities

to his surprise, it was you who opened the door and not your bodyguard

‘Hi! Come in for a minute,’ you greeted enthusiastically

Yanjun wondered how you could be so bubbly

well, you had the right to be after getting Yang off your back

‘Everything’s in here!’ you beamed, handing him paper bags with stamped with a brand name you couldn’t even pronounce

Yanjun smiled earnestly, taking the bags from you

your fingers brushed against his for a moment and sparks ignited through your body

‘Jun, would you something to drink? Coffee perhaps?’

Wow, every word you said sounded so formal and robotic

this was very unlike you

were you nervous? around a guy?

Never!

then again, the only guys you had encountered were the middle school boyfriend, college cheater, and Yang

so,,,that was a possibility

Yanjun politely declined much to your dismay

He mentioned that Zacharie needed him back at the office for a board meeting soon

sighing, you nodded understandingly

‘Sure, you should get going soon. Thanks for all the help these few days.’

you ran a hand through your hair as you spoke

Yanjun caught sight of the Cartier bracelet securely clasped on your wrist

the one piece he decided not to steal

‘Nice Cartier,’ he complimented. ‘Very classy and iconic.’

damn Yanjun, you’re the smoothest guy on this planet and all you come up with is ‘nice Cartier’? 

impressive 

however, you face practically lit up at his compliment

‘Thank you! It was the first piece I bought with my own money,’ you revealed with pride. 

Yanjun paused at the driveway to slip his shoes back on 

which gave you time to work up the courage 

‘Hey, Jun.’

he hummed in reply 

you tried to make your tone sound as nonchalant as possible. ‘Uh, I figured you would be in touch with many of these... jewelry specialists...’ 

oh no 

Yanjun tried not to tense visibly. Instead, he offered a tight-lipped smile 

‘Um, I know this is far-fetched but would you know of anyone named Evan?’ 

E v a n 

Evan is standing right in front of you 

In your doorway 

Evan is lying 

Right in your face 

Evan doesn’t deserve you 

Because he messed up 

Yanjun shook his head and pushed back the whirlwind of emotions that was taking shape 

‘Nope, I’m sorry. I don’t know anyone of that name,’ he lied perfectly. ‘Why?’ 

Oh, the audacity 

you leaned against the doorframe, mildly disappointed 

‘Nothing. H-he just seemed really knowledgeable about gems. My cousin and I met him at...at a place near your office so I just-‘ you kept yourself from rambling. 

the silver-haired man chuckled softly at your outburst 

‘Y-you just resembled him a bit. Tall, tan, dyed hair, large eyes. Haha, thought he was a colleague or something,’ you fibbed, making up a story on the spot 

sadness flooded your lungs and made it hard to breathe, fires of vex scorched your skin and made it blister 

Jun obviously had no interest and to compare him with Evan! oh wow 

who even does this 

the moment would’ve turned awkward if Jun didn’t announce that Zacharie had begun texting him and bid you farewell with sincerity 

there was no need to rush 

he could explain everything

but what good would it do him 

what good would it do you? 

‘Jun!’ you called out as he was about to step outside, dashing after him without slippers 

‘I-i-is it okay i-if we stay in contact? I-I-. Can we b-be friends? We’re around the same age? It’ll be nice to know someone nearby.’ 

sentences began with stammers and ended with stumbles 

alarm bells rang in his head

Flustered, Jun fought to find an appropriate response 

Words got caught in his throat, they froze, then evaporated into thin air

‘Yes,’ he finally coughed out. ‘We can stay in contact but...I think it would be much better for us to stay as colleagues.’ 

hurt crumbled your features no matter how hard you forced them to stay upright 

‘Oh, o-of course.’ 

of course, you had been too immature, too caught up in the moment

too fresh from a breakup and looking in the wrong places for a rebound 

Yanjun’s smile seemed sympathetic but he too was struggling to keep his feelings at bay 

‘Goodbye. I’m sure there will be projects for us to work on again. Rest early.’ 

In the safety of Hundredth HQ, Yanjun let crystal tears slip out from his pearl-like orbs 

usually gleaming with fun, suavity,  perfection 

the mafia had made him focused, strong, bold and quick

and it was your diamonds that didn’t just scratch the surface of the onyx plating 

but pierced right through it and pricked his soft golden heart

~

honestly, i’m not super satisfied with this :((( 

it took me THREE weeks to write but it was interrupted by camp and school so my train of thought was lost

i’M SO SORRY

hopefully,,,school gets easier so I can focus on what I like to do

love all of you lots💓💓💓

[quintincoldwater]

15 Questions

Rules: 15 questions, 15 mutuals

Tagged by @canonicallyanxious -- thank you so much for tagging me. i know i haven’t been around here recently. my life is all of a sudden demanding to be lived offline, but i’m so happy to drop back in.

1. Are you named after anyone?

no. however, my mom wanted to name me Miranda, but my dad wouldn’t allow it because he said every time he would say my name he would think of the Miranda Rights lol

2. When was the last time you cried?

pretty recently. definitely sometime last week. it was probably when i was thinking about the lgbt+ people who came before us and paved the path toward enlightenment and integration we’re on today. like thinking about how it was illegal to show gay affection until the late 80s?? i was crying.

3. Do you have kids?

i do not have kids and i probably will never have kids tbh. i love being an aunt and that’s enough for me.

4. Do you use sarcasm a lot?

i can’t even tell anymore

6. What’s your eye color?

blue

7. Scary movie or happy ending?

HAPPY ENDING. give me a happy ending any day. i’m done with this cynicism crap. i like a good scary movie that has a nice plot and well fleshed out premise, but give me a happy ending bitch.

8. Any special talents?

i’m really really good at not drinking enough water. i’m also really good at making strangers feel comfortable enough to tell me their life stories without even trying.

9. Where were you born?

southern indiana in a town right on the Indiana/Kentucky border

10. What are your hobbies?

reading, writing, making playlists. umm i used to knit?? not so much anymore though. plant shopping and keeping said plants alive. hiking, traveling, exploring the different neighborhoods in my city. checking out all the independent bookstores i come across.

11. Do you have any pets?

my darling cat daughter love Carrie (named after her late space mom Carrie Fisher)

12. What sports do you play/have you played?

i was a dancer for 13 years and i did ballet, tap, jazz, open/lyrical, and hip hop. i was also a cheerleader for 7 years and i was in the best shape of my life until i quit my sophomore year of high school. I played a season of soccer when i was little and i prayed every game that no one would pass me the ball. i also played t-ball for a couple seasons and i played junior basketball when i was little and my dad was coaching the team. oh yeah and i played golf for a season in high school. oh wait oh i also played tennis in elementary and middle school! okay so i was a very active kid but like real adult life hit me hard when i turned 17 lmao

13. How tall are you?

5′5″

14. Favorite subject in school?

before college, it was probably chemistry or european history. in college, it was definitely my humanities courses where we discussed nietzsche and his dialectic philosophies, the new york beat poetry and gay movements, and how capitalism is Bad.

15. Dream job?

writing and producing a ton of queer stories!!! i make lots of queer video media!!!

i would like to tag these babes: @livinladolcevita @chertonis @keiraknighted @isisisak @juilawicker @mollymahks @ravenclawpianist @thelastlesbean @eviesoneill @theallaroundkind​

[roseymoseyberry]

Empty (one-shot)

Heyyy, guess who’s here on this Halloween to bring you my one and only attempt at horror fic. *finger guns*

This fic is inspired by Haru’s headcanon post over here about empties along with some discussion we had about the idea. Also I suppose it’s in line with her Ghost of the Machine writing challenge.

But PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE read the tags. I know my writing tagline is p much “Ok but it’s Rosey so you know it will have a happy ending” BUT that is not the case for this fic. It’s a bad sad time, y’all. So please read the tags and make sure you only read if you’re up for it. Don’t force yourself lmao.

Title: Empty

Series: Pre-TFP but altered so there are more members of Team Prime that I picked kinda at random.

Ship(s): Up to you if it’s OP/Ratch or OP&Ratch. It’s written v vaguely in that regard.

Tags/warnings: Aims to be horror (somewhere between Alien and Until Dawn in inspiration), starving, robot body-horror, robot gore, loss of self, brief mention of suicide, and major character death. Also it’s written in present tense, the spookiest tense of them all. Also I cried while writing this.

“We have visual confirmation,” Perceptor announces, his tone giving little of his own emotions away. Bulkhead and Bumblebee are huddled behind him, peeking at his screen. However, when Perceptor looks up from the screen, his optics seek out Optimus. “It’s Ratchet’s vessel.”

A hope that Optimus had not let himself entertain when the craft was first spotted now blooms unbidden in his chest.

Nearly two years have passed. Two years since the team had been formed. Two years since he had been forced to split the team into two small vessels to make the trek.  Two years since Ratchet assured Optimus that he could keep the second vessel’s crew in line and they would converge on Earth.

Two years since he had scoffed at Optimus’s concern.

“I’ll just be a call away.”

Two years since the Decepticon attack separated the twin vessels and no attempts at communication could reveal the location or fate of their companions.

Two years that now stain the new hope with long-held dread.

“Still no answer to our comms?”

“No,” Perceptor confirms. His digits race across his control panel. “Scans indicate that there is extensive damage to the hull where the communication hub is located, which I would suspect to be the cause. I would further hypothesize that the emergency beacon is the only component that was repaired.”

“So that means they’re alive, right?” Bulkhead asks hopefully. “Ratchet had to have fixed it up, so he and the rest of them gotta be alright.”

Bumblebee looks up at Optimus, more torn in his optimism and looking to the Prime for any indication of how he should feel.

The rapid beeping of the emergency beacon makes Optimus’s digits twitch.

“Perceptor, get us alongside their ship so we can board immediately.” 

It’s nearly silent inside the ship. Certainly no voices, no indications of movement or life. Only the hum of engines indicates that the ship is still functioning as Optimus enters the storage room of the ship.

It is also completely dark. The only light is coming from Optimus’s headlights, throwing long and deep shadows where it the light can’t reach.

“::This doesn’t look good,::” Bumblebee says, his whistling noises as quiet as he can make them.

“They could just be conserving energon,” Bulkhead points out, though his optimism sounds a bit desperate. “Staying in stasis while the ship runs on autopilot, y’know?”

::They should not be lacking for energon,:: Perceptor says over the comms from their vessel. ::They had the same supplies as we did.::

Optimus frowns as he steps in further. The storage room has some basic supplies, but there are only half the number of containers there should be. More worrying is that no matter where he looks, there isn’t a drop of energon to be seen.

“And yet it appears that Bulkhead is correct. There are no energon stockpiles in here.”

::How peculiar. I’m attempting to connect to the ship’s systems, so I should be able to throw some illumination on the topic soon.::

“Inform me as soon as you know anything.”

::Yes, Sir.::

The control center is illuminated by only the blinking lights of the main console, confirming Bulkhead’s theory that the ship is on autopilot. After a sweep of the room proves it to be just as lacking of any signs of the ship’s crew as the storage room, Optimus makes his way to the console, nudging it back to life and throwing bright blue light across the room as the screen lights up. It’s a simple map indicating the path the autopilot has taken and the last few weeks ahead to reach Earth.

“::Where is everyone?::”

“Gotta be stasis,” Bulkhead insists. “Should we check the habsuites, Optimus?”

“One moment,” Optimus replies, his optics never leaving the screen as he begins to type away, minimizing the map to search the database.

Before he can search it, however, another screen pops up. A folder with three audio files. The oldest is labelled ‘For Optimus’, the second oldest ‘don’t listen’, and the third simply ‘new file’.

“Perceptor?”

::Their systems are running minimally, so the connection program suite is offline. It will take me a some time to find a path into the systems to online them and properly connect.::

After a moment’s hesitation, Optimus releases the hardline in his wrist, connecting himself to the console to download the files.

“I will see if I can online them from here. Bulkhead, Bumblebee, check the habsuites together.”

“Yes, sir,” Bulkhead replies as he and Bumblebee head first for the door on the left.

Optimus has started scrolling through the ship’s logs when he starts the first audio file to play in his HUD.

“Hello, Optimus.”

Optimus’s spark stalls for a moment as he hears Ratchet’s voice for the first time in years.

“Hopefully you’ll never have to hear this. But, if I’m honest with myself, you will.” Ratchet soft chuckle is humorless and despondent, and Optimus feels the hope of before evaporating quickly from his grasp. The file is a year and a half old.

Before it continues though, Optimus is snapped from the growing horror by Bulkhead yelling.

“Scrap! Fraggin’—holy scrap. Jazz?!”

Optimus turns his helm, battle programming humming to life automatically, but by some small grace of fate, it isn’t needed. But he is quick to abandon the terminal to join Bulkhead where he is knelt on the ground by the now open door.

Jazz is laid across the barrier between rooms, half in and half out, and at such an angle that Optimus realizes he was likely leaned up against the door on the other side and fell when Bulkhead opened it. Bulkhead still looks startled and jittery, but he has Jazz propped up in his arms. Bumblebee is already in the habsuite, his lights panning across the room.

Sideswipe and Sunstreaker are finally revealed, curled together on a single berth. Bumblebee makes his way over and they shift as he beeps at them.

Three confirmed online. Optimus’s spark eases a bit.

Optimus crouches next to Bulkhead, watching the way that Jazz’s frame is sluggishly whirring back to consciousness. It’s slow going, and it gives Optimus time to note the state of his frame.

Jazz has never had a colorful paintjob, sticking to his usual contrasts of black and white. But even in the dim lights, Optimus can see that the blacks have faded to greys, and any color highlights are pale at best. He nearly looks completely uniform in the sickly grey shade. It’s only his visor and face that still makes him recognizable.

Worst still is when Jazz’s visor slowly onlines and it’s so, so dull.

There is no doubt, when Jazz’s words are too slurred to understand the first time and his left arm does not move, despite by all outside appearances looking uninjured, that he’s empty. Likely has been for a while, though exactly how long is beyond Optimus’s ability to ascertain.

Bulkhead is already digging into his subspace for a cube of energon.

“It’s alright, Jazz. We have you now,” Optimus says soothingly, placing his servo on Jazz’s shoulder and squeezing reassuringly. However, he can’t stay just yet, so he pushes to his pedes to follow after Bumblebee as he says to Bulkhead, “Be careful. While most processes will be slow, programs related to refueling will be fully functional, so he is likely to act quickly and possibly aggressively.”

“Gotcha,” Bulkhead replies, shifting Jazz to lean against his chest. It allows him to wrap an arm around Jazz’s back and hold his opposite shoulder, ready to restrain if necessary.

Bumblebee is already whirring softly to the twin warriors, pulling out a cube from subspace behind his back before revealing it. And, indeed, the moment the twins’ optics find the soft glow of energon, the slow grogginess of booting up is gone. Sunstreaker snatches it lightning-fast from Bumblebee’s grip, not bothering to remove the lid so much as simply bringing it up to his mouth and biting down to breech it.

Sideswipe, still energon-less, haphazardly scrambles over his brother, reaching out in desperation towards the now spooked Bumblebee.

“Please, please please please, give me one, I’m so empty, come on--!”

Optimus grasps him by the shoulder before Sideswipe can corner Bumblebee, pulling him back while holding out a cube of energon in his free servo. “It’s alright, Sideswipe,” Optimus says as the warrior practically claws at his Prime’s servo, pulling it to his mouth so he can start to desperately gulp down the cube. “We have enough energon. You’ll be refueled soon.”

Sideswipe has greyed like Jazz, the once vibrant red now just a slight tint. Sunstreaker has fared no better. And they both move wrong. They move like long-injured mecha, making up for where their frames have failed.

There’s no knowing how far their nanites have gotten in their self-cannibalization to extend their spark-lives. No doubt wiring has been eaten away beneath their plating.

As the three empty mecha slowly start to fill up, Optimus takes the opportunity to look around the room. While it is a habsuite, it looks more like an improvised med-bay. Each habsuite was only equipped with two berths, however here a third has been dragged into the space, and each has an energon-drip hanging by it. Even in the terrible lighting, it’s obvious they have run dry, and likely had some time ago given the state of the berth’s former occupants.

There’s no indication of a fourth occupant. Nor is there any explanation for why Jazz had been up against the door.

Optimus moves Sideswipe to sit back down on the berth next to his brother. Fortunately, he doesn’t seem to mind now that he’s fueling, docile in a way that Optimus has never seen the warrior. Optimus places a couple more cubes between the two, one of which is immediately picked up by Sunstreaker who again tears into it before beginning to gulp it down.

“They should be alright for now,” Optimus tells Bumblebee, trying to be reassuring. He wonders if it’s the scout’s first experience with empties. “Keep on optic on them, and once they’re finished take them back to the ship. Perceptor will need to begin treatment immediately.”

Optimus hopes that they made it in time. Frames can be fixed, or at least parts replaced when given the supplies and time. Processors and programming however are often impossible to ever truly mend.

Jazz has finished two cubes by the time that Optimus returns to where he’s leaning against Bulkhead. His visor is a little brighter now, able after a couple seconds to focus.

“Was startin’ to worry you weren’t gonna make it,” Jazz manages, his voice rough and still slurred, but now it’s at least intelligible.

“I cannot tell you how thankful I am that we finally found you.” Optimus crouches again, servo on Jazz’s shoulder, and he means it. It’s only the lingering uncertainty that keeps Optimus from embracing his sentimentality and holding his long lost friend close. “What has happened here?”

Jazz’s face pinches.

“It’s hard to remember.”

Bulkhead frowns deeply but doesn’t comment. Optimus nods and squeezes Jazz’s shoulder again.

“Don’t worry. Your memories should come back online soon enough. Can you at least tell me why you were against the door?”

Jazz’s helm tilts and several long seconds pass before he nods.

“I tried to leave, but it was locked.”

“Locked?” Bulkhead says, his ridges furrowing with concern. “But we opened the door just fine.”

“From the inside,” Jazz says. His visor dulls again as he frowns. “It was from the inside. He didn’t want us coming out. I realized… I realized that he had’ta be hiding something from us.”

Optimus’s spark clenches.

“You mean Ratchet.”

Jazz nods. “Did he tell ya?”

Bulkhead shifts awkwardly as he says, “We haven’t seen Ratchet yet.”

“He’s supposed to be out there,” Sunstreaker says suddenly from across the room. When Optimus looks over, Sunstreaker looks bewildered, as if he had just been told a fundamental universal truth is false. “Ratchet said he would be out there.”

Optimus feels the dread of before building in his chest.

“Bumblebee, Bulkhead. I need you two to take these three back to the ship.”

“::What about you?::” Bumblebee asks. Beside Optimus, Bulkhead is standing up, lifting Jazz as he does.

“I will check the rest of the ship and then join you,” Optimus explains as he moves towards the twins. Bumblebee already has an arm slung around Sunstreaker to help him up and Sideswipe is still docile, easily letting himself be lifted off the berth by Optimus’s servos. “Bulkhead, can you take Jazz and Sideswipe?”

“No problem, boss. But I think you should come back with us so we can explore the rest together,” Bulkhead suggests, the optimism of before clearly waned.

“That won’t be necessary.”

Neither Bulkhead nor Bumblebee look happy with the decision. And Optimus understands their concerns – the desolate ship was already starting to feel oppressive, and now upon discovering their comrades in the early stages of becoming empties, no doubt they are disheartened and concerned.

The fear that things will only become worse is palpable.

Still, they follow orders. They shoulder their fellow Autobots and lead them through the control room and towards the storage room.

Until Jazz’s helm lolls and he sees the console screen. It has switched back to the map in Optimus’s absence, likely a default while the ship is in autopilot. Jazz’s pedes stop moving, dragging along the floor when Bulkhead moves before realizing his comrade has stopped. “Come on, Jazz,” Bulkhead says, trying to mollify Jazz and get him moving again. However, Jazz does not.

His visor is transfixed on the map.

“But it’s wrong.”

Bulkhead looks to Optimus and, when the Prime nods, Bulkhead stops trying to tear Jazz away.

“You’ve been in stasis a long time, Jazz,” Optimus explains. “I’m sure it is jarring, but we are indeed nearly to Earth.”

Jazz doesn’t look at Optimus, though. He’s still staring at the map.

“No. It’s wrong. We can’t be here.”

“There isn’t enough energon,” Sunstreaker pipes up, still looking bewildered and now almost upset at the state of things. “Ratchet said we didn’t have enough to make it all the way. He said so. There isn’t enough.”

“Where’s Ratchet?” Sideswipes voice is small, impossibly soft for the mech that Optimus knew him to be.

There’s a knot forming in Optimus’s chest.

Jazz’s visor brightens, then, and his servos clench into fists.

“He didn’t take his share.”

That’s enough to set Sunstreaker off. He’s suddenly yanking himself from Bumblebee’s hold, optics flickering and flashing as he yells, “No! Ratchet said he would drink it! He said so! He said he would be here and drink it!”

Jazz, at least, stays in one place. He looks shell-shocked, but there’s a knowing look on his face, and understanding. Whatever it is, it means that Bulkhead can release him and wrangle Sunstreaker instead, wrapping an arm around him and holding him close, lifting his pedes off the ground. Bumblebee takes Sideswipe so that Bulkhead can focus on Sunstreaker. After watching his twin for a moment, optics unfocused as he sways, Sideswipe lets his helm flop back and starts to call Ratchet’s name.

It’s a complete cacophony as Optimus pulls Jazz from the console screen and tries his best to corral his team towards the storage room.

A loud hammering of fists against metal erupts behind them.

It’s enough to shock them all into silence. Optimus swings his helm around and knows, in an instant, that it is coming from the other habsuite door. It rattles as what sounds like an entire frame slams into it from the other side.

The shrill shriek of feedback echoing from beyond the door is spark-chilling.

The three surviving crewmembers are suddenly in motion again. Even Jazz pulls against Optimus’s hold as he murmurs, “No no no no no, you idiot, you idiot--”

“He said so! He said so!”

“Ratchet!!”

“Take them now,” Optimus orders, pushing Jazz towards Bulkhead. The warrior obediently picks Jazz up, slinging him over one shoulder while wrangling Sunstreaker up over the other. Bumblebee has as good a grip on Sideswipe as he can manage and pulls him back towards their own ship.

Optimus however remains in the control room.

“::Optimus, come on!::”

“I said take them,” Optimus repeats, his tone leaving no room for argument. “Do not come back unless I order you to. Understood?”

“But Optimus--”

“Am I understood?”

Neither of them look happy, but Bulkhead and Bumblebee nod and continue to take their wailing comrades with them.

After a few moments, Optimus steps towards the storage room door and palms the panel, having it slide shut.

It’s now silent save for the banging against the habsuite door. Optimus’s digits twitch before his servos clench into fists. He cannot be certain what is beyond the barrier, but he’s seen enough to guess, and Optimus’s spark aches at the thought.

The banging slows. The shrieking of before becomes a spark-wrenching groan of static.

And then Optimus moves.

The habsuite door is locked, this time from the outside. Optimus does his best to ignore the scratching from the other side of the door as his digits move across the panel, bringing up what information it has to give.

A quarantine lock. It’s set for a decade. Ratchet is the medical officer who set it.

No one would be able to override it except Optimus. Not even Ratchet himself.

Optimus keys in his override and, finally, the panel changes color and the door slides open.

A frame slams into Optimus, and he’s barely able to keep his footing, but the Prime manages it as he catches the mech in front of him.

Bright, dumbfounded optics stare up at him.

His frame is completely grey, giving the appearance of a walking corpse. Worst still is the level of decay, bits of armor having fallen away from the basic skeletal frame underneath. The struts of his arm are brittle under Optimus’s servos, practically hollowed by the desperate nanites finding any source of energy the mech’s frame has left in it to keep him moving and his spark spinning.

Even a third of his face has been eaten away, revealing the structures beneath and how the optic rolls in its socket as he stares.

But Optimus can still recognize the face of his old friend.

“Ratchet,” comes out broken as Optimus’s spark throbs with sorrow.

The sudden burning hunger in Ratchet’s optics confirms Optimus’s fears, even as he is suddenly growling and clawing at Optimus, dentae chomping as he tries to get close enough to bite. Digits dig into Optimus’s armor where they can, yanking with strength born of pure instinctual need, trying to rip it out of the way of Ratchet’s true target.

Ratchet is a late-stage empty.

Optimus struggles with Ratchet, holding him back as gently as he can. But Ratchet moves with a feral desperation and manages to start ripping at the paneling protecting Optimus’s neck, managing to tear one away as Optimus grunts and grits his dentae against the wave of pain and the panic it sends his self-preservation programming into. Digit-tips scramble to get a hold on the energon lines there, to hook around and yank, to rip out Optimus’s throat for a taste of his energon--

Optimus has to shove Ratchet to the ground and quickly follows to pin him. Ratchet snarls and thrashes, wild and mad.

“It’s alright,” Optimus soothes, ignoring his processor in favor of his spark and how it hurts. He shifts until his knees have Ratchet’s arms held down. “It’s alright now. I’m here to help you, Ratchet.”

Ratchet snaps his dentae and continues to struggle.

There are no more cubes of energon in Optimus’s subspace, and he will not allow his soldiers to see Ratchet like this. So, without hesitation, he pulls a small blade out of his subspace and shifts his forearm armor away so he can cut into one of his energon lines.

Ratchet’s optics go impossibly wide and completely focused on the spilt energon.

Perceptor tries to comm Optimus, but it is ignored as Optimus lowers his wrist until Ratchet can latch his mouth around it. Dentae clamp down as Ratchet gulps down the first few gushes of energon, and once that passes he begins to suck fervently. All of Ratchet’s focus is on drinking from Optimus’s frame, so he does not struggle when he’s no longer pinned, or even protest when Optimus pulls him to sit up.

The sensation of having his energon pulled through and out his lines is awful, and Optimus’s HUD sends warning after warning. However, they’re ignored as well.

None of it hurts as much as his spark does.

With Ratchet docile as he satiates himself, Optimus plays the audio files.

“Hello, Optimus.

“Hopefully you’ll never have to hear this. But, if I’m honest with myself, you will. It would be sheer dumb luck if our ship is discovered before we get much, much closer to Earth, and I don’t put much faith in luck.”

There’s an audible sigh, tired and weary.

“We lost most of our energon. And while I’ve managed to fix the emergency beacon, the rest is unsalvageable with what supplies we have left. At this rate we won’t last very long. So I’ve taken what we have and I’m going to put it to the best use I can to give them the greatest chance at survival.

“They’ll likely be empty though when you find them. I—Primus, I hate thinking about it. I wish I didn’t have to plan it this way.”

There’s another sigh but it’s shakier.

“Their drips will only last a year. They’ll be empty for likely months after that. But if they stay in stasis – if they still believe that rescue will come and thus their systems keep them in empty stasis – they should hopefully recover with minimal permanent damage. At this point, it’s take that risk, or know that they will offline. And I – Optimus, I can’t let them die. Not like this. Not when I have even a sliver of a chance to save them.”

The voice grows quieter than. Graver.

“I told them I would remain in the control room in case anything goes wrong. And that much is true. I plan to stay here as long as I’m able, staying in a light stasis so the systems can wake me as needed. However, I – I also told them I would have my own share of energon to keep me going. I had to tell them that or else they would have never agreed. I need them to believe I’m alright so that their programming trusts that help will come.

“But the ship won’t make it if I fuel myself. And if they do not make it to Earth, they won’t survive.”

There’s a barely perceptible hiccup of a ventilation.

“Ohh, Optimus. I know you wouldn’t agree with this decision I’ve made, but I know just as much that in my position you’d do the same. I have to give them the best chance at survival that I can because I can’t—I can’t let them die. Not like that, not—not to become empties, to watch them slowly deteriorate in frame and mind. I just can’t. Not when I can possibly save them.”

He sounds haggard with emotion now, his voice catching as his voicebox spits static.

“I’m sorry, Optimus. I don’t believe I’ll ever get to see you again. But know that it—it was--”

There’s a clearing of his voicebox.

“It was an honor to be by your side all these years, Optimus. I want you to know that. I will always consider you my dear friend.”

The file ends and Optimus heaves a trembling ex-vent. His spark pangs with sorrow too deep to contain, seeping like a chill through his frame.

He doesn’t even think twice before playing the second.

“I didn’t think it would get worse than the pain. I swear I could feel them, feel my own frame eating itself. But I onlined to check the status of the trip and it doesn’t – oh Primus, Optimus, I can’t feel the pain anymore. It’s still happening but I’ve gone numb and it’s—it’s all becoming too real now.

“And it’s not just my frame. Most all of my medical programming has offlined. A medic without medical programming. Hah. It’s like the beginning of some sick joke.”

He speaks with a tremor that never really stops, no matter how many times his voicebox is cleared. It nearly sounds as if he’s crying as he speaks.

“And at least I know about that. But there’re other things that are missing now. They’ve offlined and I don’t even know what they are or how to find them. I’m—I’m forgetting things, Optimus. I’m forgetting and I don’t even know what I’ve forgotten. I can’t remember…”

A moment passes. When finally he speaks again, it’s even more ragged, more emotional.

“I should just kill myself. I know I should. I mean, slag, I want to at this point, because I don’t – I don’t want to become this. I know where this ends and I can’t stand the thought. But I also know that if I die, I’ll never—I’ll never--!”

There is the distinct sound of sobbing. It lasts for about ten seconds.

“I want to see you again, Optimus. I want--”

More sobbing. It goes on for nearly thirty seconds.

“I don’t want to die alone.”

A sob wracks Optimus’s frame, but he chokes back the noise of it. He knows it’s ridiculous – the Ratchet sucking the life from his lines doesn’t care – but Optimus can’t stand the thought of possibly upsetting him. At least like this, suckling on Optimus’s wrist, Ratchet appears peaceful. Content.

It can’t go on for much longer though. Optimus is starting to run low now.

Still, he lets Ratchet drink.

He starts the final audio clip.

“LET ME OUT LET ME OUT LET ME OUT! I NEED IT! I NEED IT AND I KNOW THEY HAVE IT, THEY HAVE IT!! LET ME OUT I NEED IT LET ME HAVE IT LET ME OUT THEY HAVE IT AND I NEED IT--!!!”

Optimus ends the clip, shuddering as he can still hear that awful voice in his processor, haunting him.

Ratchet’s optics flicker to life when Optimus touches his cheek. However, Optimus does not stop him from drinking, so he settles and lets Optimus stoke his face.

“I’m so sorry, Ratchet.” The mesh of Ratchet’s face is pitted and rough. Optimus’s intake feels tight and his voicebox threatens to spit static, but Optimus schools himself, forces his voice to be even, calming. “They’ll be alright. Jazz and Sideswipe and Sunstreaker will recover and live because of you.”

It’s hard to know if Ratchet’s sucking actually slows or if it’s Optimus’s imagination. Either way he continues.

“And now let me take care of you one last time, old friend.”

His servo slips behind Ratchet’s helm, cradling it for a moment.

“You won’t have to be alone.”

Optimus moves quickly, pulling his servo away just long enough to let his dagger slip out from within his forearm plating to grasp it. It pushes cleanly between the plating of Ratchet’s neck and helm to sink into his processor.

Optimus holds his ventilation as Ratchet stills.

As Ratchet gives one last full-frame shudder.

As Ratchet’s frame goes silent and falls against Optimus’s chest.

Both of the newer audio files on the ship’s console will be deleted. Optimus will forbid Perceptor from inspecting Ratchet’s frame.  A story will be given to explain the noises, one that has nothing to do with Ratchet.

Optimus will make sure no one ever knows Ratchet as anything but the mech he once was.

Optimus holds Ratchet to his chest and mourns.