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andypantsx3 · 1 year

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This is going to sound weird, but do you have any tips on how to gain traction as a fanfic writer? I've been trying for years and I get next to no interaction on my writing. I know I shouldn't care because I should be writing for myself, but it's still frustrating to see other writers get thousands of notes, and reblogs and asks praising their fics and I get maybe 20 likes. I've been looking into discord fandom groups but a lot of them don't allow people over 30, and I don't do well with busy groups anyway. I try to be active on my blog, and interact with other people and make myself approachable, but I'm getting so incredibly tired of talking to an empty space. Sorry, I think I ended up venting instead >_<

WARNING: DISCOURSE AHEAD

Omg hello my love!! First of all, I'm so sorry you feel this way! I have so many conflicting thoughts on this, let me try to get them in order for you!!

I guess, let me first start with some tips that I think actually answer your question, and then I'll just monologue about the ways I've been thinking about fandom recently, and you can skip that part if you wanna!

Part 1: Actual Thoughts on Your Question (lol)

I am possibly not in the best position to ask about this because I mostly happened to be in the right place at the right time, publishing my fics in the early part of the pandemic when people were more actively engaging in the fandom. But in my experience, outside of discord groups, other good ways to meet people and get your work out there are joining zines & collabs.

I'm not completely up-to-date with what the accounts are now that track these things, but there are several tumblrs and twitter accounts like BNHA Zines that exist to retweet & publicize zine posts. Look for zines that are in the interest check & application stages!! You can apply during the application phase and the good thing is that most zines will ask for an application piece and will judge you on your work rather than your follower count!!

Collabs are usually even easier because many of them are just open to whoever wants to join! I've only participated in server collabs but I've seen several posts cross my dash that are open to anyone. I'd probably monitor the collaboration and x reader tags on tumblr and join in on anything that looks fun!!

Another thing that I've noticed people do a lot is self-reblog their fics a couple times just to maximize their circulation. I've seen a lot of moots trying to make sure they hit good hours for different time zones and different days of the week to ensure their followers are at least aware that they've posted something if they don't have notifs on (I don't have notifs on so I'm grateful for these because otherwise I miss a lot!!). Even I have srb'd a time or two if I'm particularly proud of something lol.

And I think, if I also wanted to be a shark about things, I would try to get in on the ground floor of a fandom in its early stages!! For example, the second season of JJK is coming out soon and it's sure to bring a wave of new readers to the JJK fandom, especially for the characters like Gojo and Getou who look like they're gonna be the main focus of the season.

I think if you wanted to be extra sharp about things, you might time a fic release with some of the first couple episodes of a new season where you can be sure more people than usual will be poking around in the tags!! And if your fic is published during the early stages of a fandom, it's going to have more eyes on it overall than a fic published towards the conclusion of the series.

Anyway this is what I could think of. I hope this advice is practical and useful!! Now onto me blathering.

Part 2: Resisting Influencer Culture in Fandom Spaces

This part might be kind of controversial. I want to first acknowledge how easy it is for me to think and say these sorts of things when I'm already more than pleased with the amount of engagement I get. And I want to recognize that it is so, so deeply human to want recognition, community, and support for the things that we write.

I think it is so completely natural that you want interaction on your writing. All of us totally do, otherwise we wouldn't be publishing it publicly. If our work was truly, singularly for us and us alone, we'd keep it in the drafts lol. We put it out there hoping for praise and appreciation and connection, and in my opinion there is no shame in that.

So, admission time: I also definitely compare myself to other writers, and I have several times thought about transitioning more towards the type of content that drives higher note counts on tumblr: smuttier one-shots usually under 10k! I can see a huge difference in terms of just my own work on how my one-shots typically do in comparison to chaptered fics. And I definitely see how fast smutty imagines shoot up there in terms of note count.

But I was listening to a podcast episode recently on trying to sort of transition away from a metrics-focused approach to fandom. In the podcast, they talk about how in trying to legitimize fanfic as a literary mechanism, we've also sort of accidentally subjected it to our capitalist-influencer-mindset, where we see fic as more legitimate the more kudos it gets or the more followers it nets you, because in traditional influencer spaces, those followers are potential capital.

I'm definitely not saying you or I see people as potential revenue streams, but I think probably neither of us are immune to the culture at large, and we both probably carry some of internalized sense of our own value based on metrics, reach, and influence. And that sucks!!!!

Fandom, of all things, is supposed to be a specifically anti-capitalist space. We can't make money off of fanfic or fanart (legally, anyway lol), and we're all not the owners of the franchises either so none of our takes are necessarily more "valid" or weightier than others!! We're all supposed to just be trading stories around a campfire with no thought to their literary merit or monetary value. We're just supposed to enjoy the stories.

So, I don't know what the right answer is about how to try to resist the influences of our capitalist culture at large; I'm hoping someone smarter than me will tell me. But I do know that in fanfic, the value of your story can absolutely never be determined by how much engagement you get. Because fandom is not about metrics, and there is no inherent value in metrics. There is only the fun you had creating the story, and the depth of the connection you made with someone over it--even if that's just one other person.

And so I personally am at least trying to resist the lure of transitioning to smutty one-shots even though I think a lot of people would like that. Because what I like doing is writing my little 30k multi-chaps; those are my fave kinds of stories to tell, I'm not letting my metrics tell me what I should be writing.

I hope, at the very least, you know that your worth and the value of your story is not defined by how many other people have read it. And if you ever wanna chat more about this let me know, I'm still figuring this all out myself and could use friends to explore it with!!

#ask andie #tw: discourse

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cherish--these--times · 1 year

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15 questions and 15 mutuals

I was tagged by @movrings! Thanks, lovely! Let's have some fun.

Were you named after anyone?

Nope. I have the same initials as my dad, though. Which was something he wanted.

When was the last time you cried?

A couple of days ago. Nothing major. As Rebecca Welton would say, it's like an orgasm for the soul LOL

Do you have kids?

No, by choice. I ain't having any.

Do you use sarcasm a lot?

Not really, no. I make a lot of faces and silly voices.

What's the first thing you notice about people?

How they interact with other people (not necessarily myself but other people in the room) is what clues me in as to who they are, I'd say. I'm very mellow and don't base my opinion of people on a first impression. I always try and get to know them better. Be curious, not judgmental, is a phrase from Ted Lasso that really resonated with me at the time because I had been living this way for years. It's a lovely message to spread around and one I fervently believe in.

What's your eye color?

Brown.

Scary movies or happy endings?

I hate being scared. Why do people love being afraid is beyond me. Happy endings are good for ya. I tend to gravitate towards those, even if I appreciate the occasional dramatic ending if it's well handled.

Any special talents?

Probably? I do put people at ease quite easily when I first meet them. It's a skill I'm grateful to have, even if it's hard if I don't feel too well that day. Takes some effort. But it's worth it.

Where were you born?

France.

What are your hobbies?

If we're talking about what I enjoy doing in my spare time to relax, then I read fanfics, I go on walks, O cross-stitch, I do video editing (for fandoms exclusively), I watch films and TV shows and I play on the switch. And Tumblr of course.

Have any pets?

I have a cat who lives with my grandmother who took him in when we had to move. I've known him since he was born and I love him so much! He's always happy to see me when I come and visit.

What sports do you play/have you played?

By choice, none whatsoever LOL. In order to take care of myself, I ride my bike, go on walks, and have recently discovered I like to go swimming, which I HATED at school. People can change LOL

How tall are you?

Am smol...

Favorite subject in school?

History by far, literature and english.

Dream job?

Working towards it currently, very happily so. Keeping that one close to my chest <3

#personal #questions #that's fun

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bellsnuit · 2 years

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Unexpected future: Andy Barber/ reader (4/6)

Summary: As a single mother of a six-year-old, you decide to move out after realizing that his father, Ari Levinson, simply didn't have you both as a priority.In the twists and turns of life, you meet Andy Barber but your job makes things complicated, especially when you work with his son and see his ex-wife several times.

If you like, I would be so grateful if you reblog or comments to interact ( I love to share your thoughts) Also, let me know if you wanna be tagged on every chapter to be remembered.

Previous Chapter - Main list

A month where everything was so strange, but you weren't bad about it. The coffees in the mornings and payments had become ritual, as little morning shows. The outings to the park every Wednesday too, but despite that, intimacy was elusive like teenagers. Only sometimes, when Laurie invited Mason over one afternoon to play with Jacob, Andy would come over to your house to hang out, but you didn't want to do anything that would involve the kids either.

One day you just had some free time before you had to pick Mason up from school, so you stopped by to buy food. You knew what time he ate, and you'd been talking to him on the phone at night after putting your son to bed: you'd told him that the cafeteria had changed its facade, and he replied that when he would buy the food, he'd see. So, you were going to his office with the food you had made.

You had never entered that building before, and the waiting room of people made you evaluate every face: some nervous, some worried, and some lost.

"Can I help you with something?" a woman approached you.

"I was looking for Andy Barber."

She looked you up and down analyzing you "You're... You're the woman he's dating, aren't you?" you saw a certain knowing smile on her face.

You laughed and shook your head to the side "Yeah..." it had flattered you in a way that he had talked about you to someone in his bond, specifically at his job.

"Does he know you're coming?" you shook your head and she shook her head, wrinkling her nose "Come, I'll take you to his office."

"Thank you" you spoke in surprise. You thanked her and silently followed her to the back. She pointed to the door and knocked on it. You stood still, feeling the gaze of several employees on you, possibly prying.

"Come in" Andy spoke and the woman opened the door, letting you in. You saw him a little nervously and he relaxed his face completely, amazed at having you there, a little self-consciously, in his office.

"Honey" that nickname he had recently started using sounded so good. "Thank you, Sophia" you saw the woman who winked to leave. "Come" he waved and you stepped inside, closing the door.

"Hi" you murmured as he stood up, with a smile. "I was coming to... drop something off but the woman, Sophia, apparently recognized me" Andy nodded making it clear that it had been him talking about you. He reached over and brought his hands to your cheek to kiss you.

"I like that you came," he murmured by the time he pulled his lips away.

"I brought you lunch" you mumbled dropping the bag on his desk, but he didn't take his eyes off you, looking at you like you were something he was proud to have in front of him.

"Sounds good" this time he gave you a short kiss. "Didn't you have a job?"

"Well, the client canceled in advance."

He looked at his watch "Then I guess I've got you for a while longer then."

"You must work."

"Why do you assume I don't?" he pretended to be offended and leaned back on the desk, taking your hand and pulling you closer to him.

"Andy" you blushed as he brought his hands towards your lower back.

"I just want to kiss you" he murmured returning to your lips. You indulged him for a few long seconds and pulled away, smiling and resting your hand on his chest as you settled his shirt on the side of his chest. "Actually, I was thinking of writing to you to talk about something with you."

"Mmh" you murmured looking into his eyes, bringing your hands up to his chin to caress.

"And you have every right to refuse, okay?"

"Don't ask me to marry you" you joked and he feigned pain, both laughed at his childish act.

"Actually" he pushed back a strand of your hair, "I think we're pretty consistent, we've already talked about what we want and how we feel, haven't we?" you nodded wanting to see what he was getting at "There are the kids in the middle, so I think we have to keep some leeway, for both of us. But... I think I should talk to Laurie" he didn't seem too happy with the idea "just let her know that we're both opening up a place and that we can really get somewhere, just so that... she doesn't get caught off guard or blow up."

You fiddled with Andy's tie and nodded, tapping your index finger lightly against him "You know Laurie, and if you think there's that, well I'll back you up" he took your hands, cupping them next to his and against his chest.

"If you're aware that it has other repercussions, right?"

"Yeah, but maybe it's for the best."

"Yes. And when things are more settled, talk to the kids."

"I just think you have to tell them at the time and not let them know," you added.

"Whatever you say, you're the psychoanalyst psychologist" you laughed wrinkling your nose and he brought his lips to your hands. "I love you."

"I love you."

The next day, Jacob waited for recess to go with Mason. He said he had something very important to tell him, so they hid in a corner of the playground. "Yesterday, my mom lent me her cell phone because I wanted to play" Mason nodded looking at his friend "And she got a text, and I unintentionally opened it"

"You're not supposed to be able to read those adult messages" Mason spoke challenging his friend.

"I know, but it was her friend. There was your mother's name."

Mason frowned "My mom talked to your mom?"

Jacob denied "No no, my mom was talking about your mom and my dad. The friend put something about your mom playing dumb and something with my dad."

"What's something?"

"I don't know, it was a weird word."

"What word?"

"Sex"

"I don't know what that is," Mason denied.

"I don't know too, is it like going to the park? Your mom goes to the park with my dad so we can play."

Both children looked at each other in confusion, and what they proceeded to do, was approach their teacher. "Miss, can we ask you something?" the teacher smiled as she watched the children approach the classroom where she was alone. "What's sex?"

The teacher grimaced and sighed, "Well, it's when two adults share a moment together, sometimes as a way of showing that they love each other. That's where babies come from too" the children's eyes widened as they looked at each other "Where did you hear that word?" asked the teacher.

"Your mom and my dad are having a baby?!" and the teacher's eyes popped out of their sockets at Jacob's shout.

"Your dad wants my mom!" Mason looked at Jacob in surprise.

"Kids, no. You...that doesn't always happen" this one took a breath "That's not it. Jacob, you should talk it over with your father. Mason, you with your mother" and as far as the teacher knew, she was sure there wasn't supposed to be a relationship with those boys' parents... or not officially.

And the smartest thing he could think of to do was to call both Andy and you.

You were on your way to pick up Mason, aware that the teacher had asked you to talk as much as possible before picking up the boy. You did, however, when you parked the car, you watched as Andy got out of his. Usually, he wouldn't surprise you, it was Friday and he always went to pick him up that day, but... it was still half an hour before the kids were due to leave.

"Andy?" this one turned at your voice, but you were quizzical.

"Honey" he murmured moving closer and pointing at you to sigh "Did the teacher call you too?" You opened your mouth and watched as some amusement formed on his face "I guess the kids haven't been on their best behavior."

"I don't see either of them being able to get into trouble."

"They are growing" he assured as they began to walk inside. Both went all the way to the main office and then were sent to the children's room.

"This is weird. Well, I've never been called by Mason," you confessed.

"I've been here a couple of times" he confessed shaking his head and then looking at you "You look pretty, you know?"

You looked at him with slightly flushed cheeks "Andy, please."

"I'm sorry. Sorry" he laughed as both peeked into the classroom. You saw how the teacher seemed surprised to see, but invited both into the empty classroom.

"Thank you so much for coming, both of you" you nodded taking a seat at one of the desks. Andy sat down at the one next to you. "I'm sorry to call like that but I think...well, kids are a bit unexpected."

"What did they do?" asked Andy and you looked at the teacher who settled back in the chair. She was uncomfortable.

"You see, I don't mean to pry. But... both boys came up to me today to ask me about sex" you saw Andy's confused expression, and then you looked back at the teacher "I gave them a brief explanation, and I also talked about the babies" the teacher's pauses were killing you because you knew there was something wrong.

"I'm sorry, I wouldn't be understanding where we're going" you spoke with your hand on the table.

"The kids got that information, and apparently they heard or associated that you guys..." you widened your eyes and looked at Andy, who was just as surprised as you were. "It's not my intention to pry, again, but it seems important to me that both knew."

"Wait, we what?" the question from Andy generated both you and the teacher to look at him obviously.

"That you guys have relationships, and maybe through my words, they interpreted that they were going to have a little brother or sister."

Your mouth dropped open "Excuse me, how did this come about?"

"Where are the kids?" asked Andy and you watched as he ran his hand through his beard.

"The kids are in the gym, Mr. Barber. And the situation came about when they came up to me at recess to ask me that and they intuited everything else. I guessed that...well, usually the kids talk a lot and they never mentioned either of them being together. They're pretty close, and since I wasn't aware of the situation, I figured it must be an internal issue."

"So you didn't call Laurie?" the teacher denied at Andy's words and he sighed de-stressing. You felt like shit.

"Could we... see the children?" you asked and the teacher nodded.

"Yeah sure, I'll go get them" this one stood up quickly as if this was your chance to escape, and sought to close the door. You brought your hands to your face and Andy stood up.

"Well, let's see, they must be just kids' ideas. Pure circumstance."

You saw him seriously "Coincidence, Andy? You think Mason and Jacob are two six-year-olds speculating about their parents' lives?"

"The two of us haven't told him anything about us" you agreed with him. "We don't have any compromising messages on our cell phone, whenever we communicate we make calls."

"And always away from them" you nodded in agreement with him. Andy rested his body on the desk. "Andy, we need to talk to them."

"And what do we say to him?" you saw how he was waiting for your answer.

"The truth?" you sighed "Didn't you talk to Laurie?"

"No, I was going to talk after school today" Andy looked at you, and you noticed the silence.

"What?" this one denied as if avoiding something. "What do you think, Andy?"

"You... You're not pregnant, are you?"

You opened your eyes "Are you out of your mind?"

"Well, maybe that's where it all came from," he justified himself by throwing up his hands.

"How could I be pregnant? And if I was, I would have told you sooner. And if I was, my son definitely wouldn't know."

"I'm sorry, I just...that possibility occurred to me."

The door opened and the teacher walked through with both children who looked at each other and they didn't even hide the happiness inside. You exchanged glances with Andy, who had noticed the same thing. "Could you leave us for a moment?" the teacher nodded.

"Thank you so much" Andy thanked as the door closed again. You got up and stood in front of the kids, trying to see their faces.

"Well... Jacob, Mason, we want to talk to you."

"We already know about the baby you have mom," Mason assured proudly.

"Mason, I'm not pregnant" you denied and both boys looked at each other confused "Where did you get that from?"

"Of sex" this one spoke looking at his mother and then at Jacob, who nodded.

"From sex there are babies. And if you and my dad have sex, there can be a baby," proudly assured Jacob of all his analysis.

Andy looked at his son in disbelief and surprise, not moving from the desk he was sitting at. "Jacob, son, where did you get that?" Jacob lowered his head and Mason looked at his friend: everyone looked at Jacob, deducing that he had been the source of information. "Jacob... " Andy's words went into the air and you looked at him. "You know you can tell me anything, I won't get mad. You also know you can trust Mason's mother."

"Jacob, we just want to clear up this misunderstanding" you spoke calmly to Jacob. "And then we'll answer your questions."

The brunette sighed "It's just that I saw my mom's phone" you looked at Andy who unbuttoned the button of his shirt, already stressed.

"Jacob, what did your mother's phone say?" he was resolute with his words.

"Something like my mom was playing dumb" you watched as Mason crossed his arms somewhat angrily at that, but he didn't even look at you, he just looked at Andy as if the complaint was directed at him. "My mom isn't dumb."

"No, your mother isn't dumb, Mason," Andy assured, nodding. "Son, why did the message say that?"

Jacob dropped his shoulders: his friend had already spoken anyway. "That Mason's mom wasn't dumb and that she had sex with Andy. I mean, you."

You saw Andy who looked at you, and he looked sorry. You weren't, you just... things got out of his control. "Who wrote that?"

"Mom's friend"

"Claire?" Jacob nodded and Andy took it for granted. Silence ensued and Andy looked at you, shrugging, evaluating the possibility of telling the kids but leaving it up to you.

You stood up and ran your hands through your jeans, earning a stare from all three males. "Mason, Jacob, we really didn't want you to find out now, or like this. I'm not pregnant, to begin with" the boys grimaced in disappointment again, and you watched as Andy frowned at the boys' reaction "but yes it's true Andy and I are dating" the boys looked at each other.

"So you two are boyfriend and girlfriend?" you looked at Mason and really couldn't understand his expression.

"Yes, we are" you assured quietly and looked at the two boys. Mason moved his mouth and you noticed how something in his face changed, Jacob just didn't look bad.

"What's wrong, Mason?" asked Andy, perhaps fearing for your son's reaction.

"No nothing. That's good, right?" you nodded. "It means you love Andy, and Andy loves you. And that you give each other kisses."

"Of course, they do, Mason. They're big," Jacob blurted out but you only saw how Mason was looking at you, his gaze slightly lost.

"Jacob, come here. We're going to wait outside" Andy assured taking his son's backpack and leaving the room, giving you a look that you returned, making it clear that you were on your way out.

"Mason, honey," you walked over to him and squatted down. "What's wrong?"

"I like Andy. He's good," you nodded. "But does that mean Dad's not coming back?"

And you had to foresee it, of course. How stupid "No, no Mason" you spoke quickly, taking his hand and watching as tears welled up in his clear eyes, inherited from his father "Your father is your father, and he's going to stay your father whether I'm Andy's girlfriend or not. Just like Laurie is going to stay be Jacob's mother."

"But Jacob's mom and dad are with him."

"You know it's different. You know your father was always out for his job."

"But when he comes back, he's not coming for us anymore?"

You frowned your face "What are you talking about?"

Mason wiped his tears with his hands "It's just that daddy promised me that he was going to come back one day, that he was going to come for us, and that we were going to be a really good family the three of us together living in our house. That one day he was going to marry you."

Your heart squeezed completely and you put your hands on Mason's cheeks "Honey" you murmured.

He looked down, "Dad's never around. And it's nice that you're with Andy now, and that we're not alone anymore but-" you shook your head, resting your head on the crown of Mason's head: "Baby, you don't have to be upset. You and I still love your dad. I love him a lot too, but not as a boyfriend. Your dad...your dad is different from the rest, you know that," your eyes glazed over. "I'm so sorry your dad can't always be here, I really am, sweetie. But he just... he didn't realize it yet."

"He always came late."

"Yes honey, he's always late" you assured and pulled away, giving him a slight encouraging smile and wiping away his tears "But he loves you, and he's not going to stop loving you because I'm not with him. And you know that not all children can always have their parents together. I've told you that love is complicated."

"And do you love Andy?"

"Well, he makes love a little less complicated" you shrugged "But it's still all new. Let's take it slow, everyone, okay?" Mason nodded and went back to wipe away the tears, but you could only press your lips to his cheek until he laughed for you to let go. You laughed too. "Come on"

Mason smiled still with his red eyes "can Jacob come home?"

"I think so" you assured as Mason wrapped his arms around your hip as both walked. And as you walked out, you saw how Jacob and Andy were waiting at the door. Andy saw the boy with his teary eyes, and then you, but you just smiled at him. "Mason thought if Jacob wanted to come home to play, what do you say?" Jacob nodded and looked at Andy. He nodded with a smile, looking at you. "Both of us" you clarified.

Jacob looked at his father "Yes! dad, he says yes, please. Please" the boy pouted towards his father and Andy saw him. He nodded and Jacob looked at Mason who was celebrating.

However, after eating what you had cooked with Andy, you excused yourself by assuring him that a patient would be coming in at some point. Andy didn't mind, he said he would stay upstairs with the kids to make sure they didn't make too much of a fuss.

Two hours later, you left the office with a strong sweet smell in your nostrils.

"What a good smell."

"Yes, there really is" you assured looking at your older patient and walking him to the door. The moment you closed, you walked into the kitchen to see Andy making shapes with the cookies. "Umh, they smell good" you murmured as you hugged him from behind. It was actually the first time you were going to be with him without the kids around in the day, where you kept distance between the two of you.

"They're your recipes. I sniffed your notebook" he pointed to the cookbook and you nodded, your head resting on his back. "I'm sorry, I really am. For today. I know you didn't want the kids to know so soon, that it all came out like that. And also for Laurie's words to you."

"It's not your fault" still with your arms around him, you rested your chin on his back "I'd possibly be fuming too if my hot ex-partner was dating someone else" you felt him let out a laugh, and as his hands reached out to grab a rag and wipe himself off, turning to you. You watched him amused and he hugged you around the waist as well. "Really, Andy. Nothing was under your control either."

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Taglist: @gitasor @patzammit @un-mondo-meraviglioso @iluxionsworld @maylaysia109 @l0st-in-reality @wishfulwithwine @marvelmenwhore @crazyunsexycool @golden-library

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#andy barber #andy barber x female reader #ari levinson #andy barber x oc #andy barber x you #andy barber fluff #andy barber x reader

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atqh16 · 3 years

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Take My Hand (Say You Need Me Still)

A Daredevil Fic (Matt/Foggy, Girl!Foggy. Pre-Slash)

Summary : Look, getting shot is just the New York experience. You haven’t lived unless you’ve been held at gunpoint at least once. And if you save someone doing it? Hey, bonus!

First Chapter: AO3

“I had to exist without you”,

Foggy had whispered those words as if in a trance. Face turned towards the sky as if speaking to no one in particular. Her words had been unprompted. They had been simply been enjoying each other’s company that day after a long work week and a chance to relax at a barbeque courtesy of Luke and Claire.

It was a month after Fisk and 7 before the incident at the police station. Matt remembers the both of them lying on a mattress futon and a pile of duvets on the roof of Colleens Dojo. Foggys tone had been soft but Matt was so focused on her that it was enough to drown out the other sounds around them. Luke and Danny laughing where they were manning the barbeque grill. Misty and Karen comparing notes on Jessica’s recent client which she didn’t appreciate but didn’t seem to mind enough to make them stop as she nursed her Jack Daniels on the edge of their conversation. Misty talking sports of all things with Colleen who was wholly and very competitively invested in the New York Yankees.

But they had all turned into peripheral noise to Matt. He had pushed himself up. Fully turned his body towards her. Something Matt didn’t really have to do since there was no visual component in his interactions with the people around him but Foggy had always appreciated the gesture. A sign of assurance from her best friend that his attention was completely and undividedly on her. For her. She’s always been proud of herself for being able garner that kind of reaction from him.

But at that moment Foggy herself had seemed distracted. Even without being able to see it, Matt could tell that her eyes weren’t directed at him. She felt distant. Sounded distant. A mirror of what Matt had been feeling ever since he came back.

He hadn’t really understood why at the time. After all he’d gotten everything he ever wanted. Even more. His firm, his partner, his identity and most importantly his friends. Not just Karen and Foggy. His best friend had made sure of that when she dragged him to Jessica’s place and sat outside her office slash apartment door while Jess tore Matt a new one over what he’d done and proceeded to throw him out with a door slam so hard the glass panel shook.

That night Jessica called his burner later telling him to meet her on a roof top (What is it with roof tops?) because she needed his ears and to quote her “You owe me. Your ass better be here in an hour”.

Matt was there before the hour was up with 20 minutes to spare.

“Fucking Boy scout”, Jess had muttered under her breath but Matt smiled and tossed her a brand-new grey scarf.

“It’s the cheapest one at Walmarts”, he had said but the softness of the material and the tag said otherwise.

Matt hadn’t needed prompting to show up on Luke’s apartment door next and meeting Danny at the Dojo where the millionaire had proceeded to wipe the floor with him in hand to hand.

“I let you win”, Matt had panted, trying to catch his breath.

“Keep telling yourself that”, Danny sniped back, though there was no heat in his words, as he threw him a water bottle.

Matt woke up the next day sore, bruised and unable to wipe the grin off his face when he showed up at the office that morning to an array of extremely expensive looking bouquets congratulating their re-opening and heavily perfumed because Danny Rand is a passive aggressive dick.

But it also came with a 6 digit cheque from Rand Industries so none of them were about to complain. “A gift, from Rand Industries to the Firm of Nelson and Murdock. To hopefully new and better beginnings” was written on the envelope it came with.

Matt wished it had been as easy with Foggy. Not that either of them had given any resistance in efforts of reconciliation. But there were no ‘How To’s’ they could follow telling them exactly how to do that. No guidebooks detailing the steps needed to take to rebuild a bond that had gone through so much. The awkward bubble between them seemed to only grow more and more, stretched thin and fragile and so vulnerable to the slightest touch.

Until that night when after a few bottles of beers and a feeling of relaxed contentment that only came with a full stomach, Foggy whispered her confession as if asking for contrition.

Her words, though morose, held no acrimonious judgment. But the vestige of pain in them was bare and it had twisted Matt’s insides to hear it. It was such a simple phrase but it held so much and he knew instantly that it had been something she’d been keeping quiet. Out of shame, thinking that it was something she didn’t have a right to feel. Afraid that it might make Matt more distant.

But it was an admittance that Matt had realized he needed to hear. An honest fearless truth that was not spoken to condemn but instead a plea for him to understand where she stood. For him to know she was still bearing pain that she herself found difficult to admit. So afraid that Matt would recoil from her for it. But how could he. How could he punish such fearlessness when he knows how much he had taken from Foggy?

Both of them had made mistakes, but Foggy had been so patient. Matt had already taken and asked so much from Foggy who still tried his best to welcome him back with open arms. But Foggy had never been one to tip toe around Matt about anything. A habit that could be aggravating at times but it was always a cost he had been willing to pay for the intimacy that was brought forward from it.

And this was Foggy begging Matt to have that chance for intimacy again. As if she didn’t deserve to ask for it and it was a failure on Matts part that Foggy would harbour such hesitation.

Even through all his secrets and fear, Foggys openness about where she stood in regards to Matt had always been a beacon for him. A guide to teach him how to be a friend. Lessons he’d been deprived off the second his dad died. Matt had cast out the hope of ever achieving such a relationship. Already given up early on at the thought that he could ever receive the kind of easiness that Foggy offered and it was a miracle for him that she did. A miracle that they had met in Columbia and a miracle that through all Foggys annoying habits, that he’d been open to give her a chance. A choice that he would never have made if Foggy had been anything less than who she was. She in of itself was a miracle to him and Matt was deeply torn that he had made Foggy ever feel otherwise.

“I had only ever wanted a friend”

Foggys words from the night of their huge fight came back to him and while it might have been said in less than stellar circumstances, he knows even then that it had rung with truth. Foggy had never asked for anything more. How could he have failed to give her something so simple.

After a while Foggy finally turns her face towards Matt. He tastes salt in the air but doesn’t move to address it because he needs to focus right now. To really listen and conscientious, to what Foggy was trying to say. A lack in communication had after all been their downfall. Too much resentment over kept secrets and rancorous unspoken anger.

But there’s none of that hanging in between them now. Instead, Matt heard what wasn’t spoken loud and clear.

“Don’t leave. Don’t make me go through that again. Stay. Here, with me”

Matt doesn’t think there’s anything he can say that could live up as an answer to that so instead he creeps his hand forward to grasp Foggys in a sincere hope that his own words would ring with the same vulnerable truth that Foggy had offered.

“I’ll try”

Things had gotten better afterward. The honesty Foggy openly shows was an invitation for Matt to do the same. Not a demand and Matt will forever be grateful for that. But even so Matt still walks on eggshells at first. Not knowing what he was allowed to reveal. What was welcomed and what was not. Foggy like always, had put Matt at ease the way she always could.

It starts with an open invite to a home cooked dinner where Foggy made it clear that she wanted to know more about Matt’s abilities.

“If you want that last brownie you’re gonna have to impress me Murdock and for extra motivation, it’s a corner piece”

Matt had laughed, “I’m not sure what you’re asking here Nelson. I’m not sure I want to. The last time you gave me a dare I ended up doing the chicken dance in the college cafeteria”

“Boohoo, you deserved it after that stunt you pulled with the waffle incident. I’ve still got the burn marks to prove it. Now enough excuses and man up Murdock”

The banter might have sounded harsh to a stranger’s ears but it held such a familiarity that Matt rejoiced every second and every word. But despite all that he was still so scared to ruin what they were trying to rebuilt. Scared to run Foggy off with ‘too much’.

Foggy had again, nudged him into it gingerly and with such patience that Matt hadn’t found it in him to deny her.

She asked him to talk about what he could taste in the food she’s cooked. At first Matt was afraid to criticize but Foggy had started doing so herself. Once after a dinner Chicken Paprikash of all things, she asked if Matt sensed the yoghurt that used was close to getting bad. Matt tentatively had noted that it wasn’t rancid but it was definitely way past its prime days. Foggy wasn’t annoyed, instead she breaks the tension and laughing, jabbing about how horrible some parts about Matts senses must be. About the embarrassing things he’s had to endure.

To Matt’s surprise, the topic of his abilities became a favourite thing to talk about whenever they spent time together.

“Are you saying everytime I found you staring into space in your room it was because you got contact high from your stoner neighbour 5 rooms away from your dorm?”

Matt had groaned and dropped his forehead onto his folded arms in embarrassment. It was enough of an answer Foggy needed.

“Oh my God, you turned them in! Matthew Michael Murdock you tattle tale”

“It wouldn’t be such a problem if they didn’t get stoned every night. It was barely a secret anyway. The corridor reeked from it and personally I think I did a public service”

“Did you snitch on me bringing snacks into the library too?”

“No Foggy, that was all the crumbs you didn’t bother cleaning off your dress everytime we passed the librarian. She could probably smell the Cheeto dust on your fingers a mile away”

“I knew it! You threw away my Cheetos stash didn’t you!”

“They’re like cheese dust bombs! They were more chemicals than actual food. I did you a favour”

“And here I was thinking Tanya was stealing them from my bag during civics”

“The girl who sat beside you? Oh, she stole food from you all the time. You left your bag unzipped, it was inevitable”

“And you never told me?!?!”

“Most of the things you had in there were junk food. It’s no wonder you were on a sugar high all the time”

“In my defence, Redbull and Twinkies are a perfectly good way to combat law school stress”

“Oh god the Twinkies!”

“Don’t you dare go after Twinkies!”

Just like that the tension brought from the elephant in the room that was Matts powers was broken. Foggy made a game out of Matt trying to guess all the ingredients she’s used on nights that she cooked. Matt had initially protested on the unfairness of it all but eventually stepped up to the challenge cause he’s a competitive bastard and Foggy knows it.

“How am I supposed to know what kind of nuts you used in the Pad Thai??? I can barely afford anything other than ground nuts”

“Excuses. You haven’t suggested anything else either”

“I know you used Italian basil instead of Thai”

“Whats the difference?”

“Thai basil has a sharper taste”

“And more expensive”

“Authenticity is important. We don’t want to get sued for cultural appropriation and all”

“Oh look at me, I’m Matt Murdock and I can only eat fancy organic Thai Basil”

“It doesn’t matter, I won. Now give me my brownie Nelson!”

“Bite me Murdock!”

Matt won 9 times out of 10. The game was rigged and they both knew it but they usually ended up splitting the last piece of whatever dessert they had for the night anyway so it was never really about winning. Not for either of them anyway. On nights when there were no sugary delicacies waiting for them after their meal, if Matt won, he got to pick what they did after dinner. Watch a show, listen to an audio-book, play games before he had to leave for the night for patrol. Foggy never complained except for an over exaggerated whine or two at Matts predictability.

It’s fun, intimate. They don’t just focus on the fun stuff either. Matt had wanted to get even more intimate. He was tired of carrying all his secrets and for once he was the one who took the leap to trust that foggy wouldn’t run.

So, one night Matt finds himself stumbling into Foggys apartment after patrol. It was closer and he had a concussion. He was surprised when Foggy didn’t freak out like he expected and actually knew how to handle the situation. Like she’d prepared for it. She got some lessons from Claire who owed her for helping Luke. She doesn’t talk about when she started doing it or why. Matt didn’t know if he was ready to hear the answer either.

“You know, I could always keep my window unlocked. If you ever… ya know, need to come over”

“I don’t want to wake you”

“I always sleep late anyway and besides; I’d rather know you have somewhere to go if you need to then........”, Foggy trails off but Matt doesnt need to be a psychic to know where her thoughts had went.

“I don’t want to make thing’s hard for you", he says back and they both know he didnt just mean waking her up late.

“Matt, I want to.”, Foggy had said, firmly as she smoothed the Arnica cream over his newest bruise.

Her heart had beaten with a steady thud of truth, truth, truth.

It was comforting to know that Foggy wasn’t soaked in fear and disapproval the way she used to be before, and he did come over sometimes. Once or twice a week to get his ribs bandaged properly when they were bruised or some cuts stitched. Matt can tell Foggy’s nervous and queasy about the stitching but she soldiers on anyway and it reminds him of Maggie telling him how she had done the same for his dad when they were together and the similitude makes a roll of warmth coil around his insides like a soothing balm. It feels right.

He realizes when he gets home as is drifting off to sleep, that it’s not something he’s ever had with Elektra either.

“Foggy, I need to tell you something”

“Hmmm?”

“About midland circle”

“Matt-”

“I need you to know, why I stayed. Why I didn’t try to come back.”

“Matt, you don’t-“

“Foggy please. I need to do this”

“Ok Matty. Fire away"

“It wasn’t about you, or Karen. Maybe that’s hard to believe. I’m not gonna lie and say it wasn’t selfish of me because it was. I hurt you. You gave me the suit and you trusted me and I let you down. But you have to know Foggy, it wasn’t because of you”

Matt had ducked his head in shame

“Truth is I wasn’t thinking about anything else at that moment. I’m impulsive, we both know that. You’ve always known that. I was so overwhelmed by the fact that she was alive that I-“

He gulped.

“Did I tell you how she died? The first time?”

“No”

“It was because of me. She took a knife to the chest for me and she died in my arms and it was my fault Foggy. It was my fault. The worst part is, she’d told me beforehand that she wanted to stay with me. She wanted to try and she died in my arms because of me. I heard her heartbeat stop and it was because of me and I couldn’t… I couldn’t move Foggy."

He remembers feeling his eyes water, struggling to keep them from flowing into streams down his cheeks. But he couldn’t stop the way his voice choked.

“And I heard her heart beat that day when I found out she was alive. The way she moved, the familiar scent of her and how warm she was whennever she was close. She was so alive and I was desperate to save her this time. When she refused to leave Midland, I couldn’t leave her behind. I couldn’t leave her alone. I couldn’t let her die because I couldn’t save her for the second time. I couldn’t foggy. Everything was falling apart around us but I held her and she was so alive. I couldn’t let that go. I’m sorry Foggy. I’m sorry I hurt you. But I can’t be sorry for staying with her”

“Matt I’m not angry”

He’d perked up at that.

“I mean I was initially. Went through all 5 stages of grief. Thought a lot about beating you up if I ever saw you again. Blamed myself for letting you go. For not giving you a stronger reason to stay-”

“Foggy-”

“I understand why you did it now. But back then all I could think about was how you’d left me. You broke your promise and you left us and I kept having nightmares of how you were probably still alive and had just fucked off to god knows where with her. It took me too long to realize I’d rather you were alive then dead even if you had”

“You had a right to say no when I asked for help. I stole your wallet. I took advantage of you the second I saw you again. It was a dick move on my part”

“Oh, trust me, it definitely was and I’m not gonna let you forget that for a very long time. You owe me so many favors. But I got you back Matt. I’d asked for only one thing ever since I lost you and I got you back. How could I turn my back on that? You’re so good Matt. I know you don’t believe it but you are. Even if I was pissed, I knew you were doing things for a good reason. I knew it was because you were helping people and I’m a damned lowlife if I even thought of turning my back on that. I’m not angry at you Matt. You’re my best friend. I’m not gonna lie and say I’m not gonna stomp off again if we get into another huge fight. But I can promise I’ll always try to come back. Maybe it’s not right for me to ask you to trust that. I know enough about your past to know that’s not an easy thing for you to do……...”

“You’re the one person I trust the most, Foggy”

“Karen-”

“- is a good friend. But she hasn’t stuck around and followed me into making stupid decisions for the past ten years of my life. If there’s anything I regret, it’s not trusting you with my secrets. For hurting you with them. If there’s anything I’d redo it would be that”

“We don’t know if I would’ve been open to accepting that back then. Heck, I don’t even know what I would’ve done if you did tell me. You had good reason to worry”

“After everything, I should’ve taken the chance. There’s no one I trust more in this a world than you Foggy. Maybe that’s hard to believe considering how many promises I’ve broken. But I’m going to do everything I can to keep this one"

“…… Thank you, Matt”

It had taken everything in him to admit it, but after all they’d been through. After all Foggy had given him. Foggy had earned the right to it. That part of him. He expects to feel fragile and small afterwards but instead he feels lighted. Just like before, it felt right. This was the path they were destined to be on. The path they both have worked hard for. Foggy had returned his vulnerable revelation by sidling up to him. Intertwining their fingers and leaning to the side to place a soft peck on his temple. Matt couldn’t find it in him to pull away. They stayed that way in silent comfort until they’d both nodded off. Her head fitted to the crook of his neck and Matt’s own resting on hers.

Matt had woken up first the next morning to Foggys head on his lap. A soft and unladylike snore whistling pass her lips and he remembers how it had annoyed him to no end through their first year of law school, on nights when Foggy had fallen asleep from exhaustion on Matt’s bed after a night of unending studying with him in his room. But after a while it had become a familiar comfort, accompanied by the beating thrum in her chest. An unexpected lullaby especially on nights when both of them were overwhelmed. Matt had a single room and Foggys roommate was never around, preferring to stay at her boyfriend’s place most nights. They switched between each other’s room every other night, more and more often but it never felt invasive.

Matt hopes Foggy knows how important her presence had been for him at the time.

He hadn’t attempted to wake her up that morning from her peaceful slumber even as his legs felt numb from the weight. Instead, and he stupidly hadn’t realized why he’d done it at the time, he found himself gliding his knuckles on her cheek, realizing in that moment how long it had been since they’d been this close. How much he had missed it. Touch starved in a way he hadn’t felt in a long while since they met.

This progress, this newly attained intimacy doesn’t stop. There is a relief in being able to talk to his best friend again about every part of him that he had always feared she wouldn’t accept. Not just about the heavy, things either. Even the small, minute, careless details.

To Foggys credit, she bares herself raw the same way he does.

“How did you get so good at cooking?”

“I take offence to that. I was always a talented cook”

“Pancakes and grilled cheese sandwiches maybe.”

“Hardy har. And you can boil an egg, good for you.”

“Seriously, curry noodles? I didn’t think you even knew where the spice section was”

“It was… it was actually after Midland. I couldn’t sleep sometimes and I’d stay up watching cooking channels and I gave in and just started actually making them myself. I started small but I got used to handling things after a while. It was actually… therapeutic”

“Foggy…. I-“

“Matt stop, seriously. I meant what I said. I’d rather have a life with you and all the adrenaline fueled bullshit, then a quiet life without you. Always. So, don’t worry, ok? We’re good. I promise”, Foggy had ended her little speech by reaching out to tap her fingers in a comforting rhythm on his knuckles and Matt had asked himself for the hundredth time since he got back, what he’d done to deserve such loyalty.

“Also you’re washing the dishes and paying for lunch tomorrow”

Matt had let out a burst of laughter, “Haven’t I been paying for lunch anyway?”

“And you’ll keep paying for lunch until further notice. Besides, you’re getting a free home-cooked dinner almost every other night so I’m not going to hear a peep out of you”

He’d raised his hands in a mollifying gesture, “No arguments here”

“And none of that healthy stuff too”

“Damn"

The catholic part of him that latched on to guilt too close, wasn’t satisfied. Not even close. He’d done too much, made too many mistakes. He didn’t deserve what Foggy and even Karen for that matter, were giving him. A step onto green grass that promised him sanity in exchange for something as simple as him pulling down his walls for them. To not push them away. And if that’s what Foggy asked for then Matt was going to teach himself to give it to her, even as he he itched from old habits to pull back behind said walls.

It takes 6 months for them to go through all the unsaid baggage that had been floating in the water like leftovers from crash created by their past mistakes. But at the end of it all, Foggy poked her head into his office again and told him to hurry up if he wanted her to do any actual cooking.

“I feel like I’m being sabotaged”,

“You don’t need me to do that”

“Well, that’s not very helpful”

“I mean, I didn’t tell you to try make dinner rolls from scratch, did I?”, Matt had said with a tone of faux pettiness.

“That was not my fault! I didn’t know cats could smell the yeast all the way from the alley! Ruined a perfectly batch of dough. I spent 20 minutes kneading!”

“I told you to close the window. Fair is fair, I didn’t know cats liked yeast either, I’ll give you that. So, what’s on the menu tonight?”

“Well, you made Italian last week and I’ve been exchanging gossip with Mrs Yong for a while now….”

“Getting tips from your Vietnamese neighbour is cheating”

“Do you want to eat or not?”

“I’m guessing Pad Thai?”

“Couldn’t afford your oh so expensive cashews that you just have to have. Its Pho!! We are having Pho tonight! I spent 6 hours simmering a potful when I was going through the Jenner case last week and now, I’ve got enough frozen pho in my freezer to serve 8! I mean, I did have enough for 8. It’s more like 3 now. Maybe 3 and a half”

“Is that what you were passing to Karen and Mrs Adli yesterday?”

“Karen needs to eat more if she keeps spending her nights consorting with Jessica Jones. God knows what diet Jones is on. I gave Karen extra to pass to her so hopefully she’ll see it as incentive to keep giving us tips. We definitely can’t afford her”

“I’m sure you can charm a few more favours out of her. And Mrs Adli?”

“Oh yeah, her kids sick were with the flu and from what Mrs Yong told me, Pho has magical healing powers that can beat chicken soup any day”

“You didn’t eat the rest, did you?”

“Boo hoo, shame on you. Unlike you, I know how to bribe our friends. I gave some to Claire and Brett. He looked like I was trying to poison him”

“To be fair you did once”

“I was 5! He wanted to play Mommies and Daddies and I might have been overzealous about preparing dinner”

“You know if he finds out you told me he’ll have you thrown in Rykers himself”

“Which is why if you want any of that Pho yourself, you’ll keep yourself quiet you dick”

The air between them had turned so light and easy. Every morning Matt woke up beaming with joy at the simple thought of being able to just be with her so close throughout his day and every night he was lulled to sleep by the memories left from it.

There were no more walls. No more fear or doubt. Not with her. Not anymore.

“I went to see Maggie today.”

“Yeah? How is she? I haven’t met her yet”

“She’s fine. She wanted to wish me Happy Birthday”

“That sounds nice”

“Yeah……. She gave me her ring. The one my dad gave her. It was one of the few things she had from my dad and she wanted me to have it”

Foggy had stayed silent for a moment before responding, “That was nice of her”

“Yeah. It’s nothing fancy. Doesn’t have a diamond or anything. It’s just a smooth gold band. But she said my dad saved up for months to get it. It sounds just like him. She wanted to talk with me a bit longer but I just…. Couldn’t. I think I hurt her feelings when I left”

“You don’t owe her anything Matt.”

“It was rude”

“Matt, hey, I need you to listen ok. I need you to listen to my heart. Are you listening?”

Matt remembered how his throat had tightened so he had just nodded to the question.

“I love you Matt. You’re my best friend. I will always love you. But you need to know, hey, listen buddy. You need to know that you never have to earn that from me. Not from me, not from Maggie, not from Stick, not from anybody”

“I could’ve tried harder”

“You shouldn’t have had to. You were just a kid”

“Didn’t stop them from leaving”

“And it was their fault, not yours. You didn’t deserve any of it.”

“I’d asked them to make it stop.”

“What?”

“It was after Midland. There were two guys, trying to hijack a car. I couldn’t beat them so I asked them to make it stop. To just.. end it.... end me. It was so pathetic Foggy-”

Mat hadn’t realized she’d moved from her seat until her arms were around him. Her grasp was gentle but Matt got the feeling that hell or heaven couldn’t tear her away no matter how hard they tried.

She was on her knees beside him where he was sitting on the couch. One hand pulling his body to her chest and the other caressing the side of his head. Nose buried in his hair, whispering softly, “No Matty, no. Never. God, you’re so good Matt. So brave. So strong. It’s ok to not be sometimes. I’m here. I promise. I’m right here”

For some reason, Matt had let out a startled laugh but he had felt something wet streaming down his face and suddenly he was choking on sobs. His own arms folded around her middle and he lets go. Lets himself sink into her, head buried into her shoulder, not thinking even for a second that it would be enough to cover up how loudly he was crying. But Foggy hadn’t said a word. Once upon a time he might have felt indignant at the idea of being so vulnerable with someone like that. He hadn’t been this open since Elektra and look how that turned out. Elektra herself had been different. He loved her. He still loves her. Loves how comfortable he felt in her presences. Unguarded and free.

But unguarded and comfortable was different than allowing himself to feel and appear weak. To let someone see the broken and jagged pieces that made him who he was and not be afraid to be judged for it. Elektra never made him feel like home. At least not the kind of home his dad had given him as a kid. Safe. At ease.

Loved.

They fell asleep that night like that. Lying on the couch, Foggys arms wrapped around him tights and close. His head tucked in the dip of her clavicles. Curled into her and knowing with absolute certainty that she wouldn’t ever let him go.

Matt woke up the next morning to the smell of pancakes and the annoying tap of Foggys fingers on his cheeks.

“Wake up sleepyhead. The pancakes are getting cold and I don’t want to hear you whining about it”

For a second Matt had refused to open his eyes even as the corner of his lips were pulled up.

“Five more minutes mom”

“Very funny. Catch me making you breakfast again you ungrateful prick”

Matt had let out a disgruntled groan but relented to push himself up with an over exaggerated stretch.

“You owe me groceries for this”, Foggy sing songs, pushing a plate stacked with pancakes, dripping with an unhealthy amount of syrup just the way Matt liked it. It’s one of his most unhealthiest guilty pleasures but fuck him if every bite didn’t have him melt with sinful pleasure.

“It’s the least you could do with how you had half my ass hanging off the couch last night”, Foggy continues as she digged into her own stack.

“It’s not my fault your apartment is so warm. I was practically cooking”, Matt had clapped back but was half-hearted and said through a juvenile muffled mouthful of his breakfast.

“Price of being the little spoon my friend”

Matt indulged her with an eye roll but he’s much too distracted with his breakfast to keep up the banter. Foggy sneakily pushes the extra plate pancakes forward followed by the bottle of organic syrup that was way too obscenely expensive for her budget but so very worth it to see Matt light up animatedly with a child-like glee at the taste of it on his delicate taste buds.

They had continued their banter a bit more over a steaming cup of coffee and all the while Matt realizes in that moment that he felt truly and incandescently happy with his life and where he was then compared to how where he was just six months before and a large part of it was because of Foggy. Karens acceptance of him had been great. But foggy knew him more than anyone. It’s Foggy that despite their decade long friendship, he’d disappointed and hurt and let down over and over and the fact that Foggy was still there, a constant unerring affirmation of his worth. That if there was someone in his life that could love and stick around the way foggy had then life was definitely worth living no matter what it threw at him. Foggy who’d given something no one else had. Not even Elektra.

Matt truly and utterly realize that Foggy at that moment, after so much time and effort on both their parts, truly knew him better now, more than anyone ever did. And with it Foggy had given him something he hasn’t felt since his dad died

And its not just the happiness. It’s a deep rooted and affection of what they have. Of what they’ve built through it all. . It’s a fondness. Its an appreciation. It’s a love that has driven right down to his core, so deep that its become part of his being. Its… wait… oh…. OH….. oh shit.

#foggymatt #foggy nelson #matt murdock #Daredevil #mine #my writing

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wri0thesley · 3 years

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many many anons under the cut bc i didn’t want anyone to feel like i was ignoring them and i wanted to respond to u all! warning for small text too, it was so long i wanted to make it look smaller fgbnjkgkjn

Anonymous asked: NAT... you can write WHATEVER you want! It's your blog, and I hope that rude anons can learn to respect that. I used to be on your blog just for jjba content too, so when you started getting into jjk I was indifferent but eventually you dragged me into jjk so hard!! I already like bnha, so seeing you write for it only made me happier! I hope that you continue to write whatever make YOU happy:) ❤and yes, longer fics certainly doesnt mean it's better, quality over quantity

ahh i’m happy that you are here for all three!! i always feel so accomplished when someone is like ‘your constant screaming made me think about jjk <3′. all three of the fandoms are fairly popular and i tag everything v carefully so i hope people who do use the filtering find that useful!!!

Anonymous asked: Goodness gracious. People really be out there thinking they're entitled to dictating what kind of content you should be making

i think part of it might be that i do take requests so people feel like they have like . . . a certain right to certain kinds of my content? i take requests mostly bc they keep me motivated, i like making content for ppl who cant find what they want bc i’ve Been There, but maybe people think i am a pushover? idk i am just trying to have a good time!!!

Anonymous asked: Hi. I only started following you a few days ago but please ignore that rude anon. People are so fucking entitled towards writers it's insane. I recently had someone throw a fit for "spoiling" something in my fanfic, even though the fic was about a manga-exclusive character, so what did they expect?? Overall I've really enjoyed your writing so random assholes coming to guilt you is just a shitty thing that happens. Keep going with what you wanna do.

ah gosh anon i’m sorry about that :(. i’m always super careful tagging spoilers and stuff but like, if someone clicks on a fic about say, naoya or the steel ball run boys and is mad that i spoil something they havent found out yet . . . yeah thats on them fgbnkjgfkjn

Anonymous asked: That...that anon had the nerve to say "we". The fuck?! No no no anon, YOU'RE the only one talking and you're just talking for yourself, don't you dare try and lump us other anons/followers up with you to make yourself look like you're right. We love you nat and we appreciate you. It's your blog, you're allowed to write about whoever and whatever. This brain dead anon just needs to either go read someone else if they're that salty or write their own stuff if they're that impatient.

gosh i WISH some of my mad anons would just write their own stuff honestly. idk if this anon thought they were talking for everybody but i guess they expected anons to agree with them and not be mad at them. i appreciate u anon ;_;

Anonymous asked: Just want to say that ily and you’re one of the best jojo fanfic writers in my opinion 💗 I don’t think you’re half assing jojo fics and there’s absolutely nothing wrong with you being multi fandom. A lot of jojo blogs have started posting about jjk so it’s not as if you’re the only one. I’m not sure why you get hate like this but I think it’s just because you’re one of the popular writers and that makes people bitter for whatever reason. Keep being you and posting about the things that make you happy 💕

honestly after so long writing for jojo - i’ve written well over 200 jojo reader insert fics - sometimes it feels like i’m retreading stuff, and that’s when i take a break bc i dont wanna half-ass stuff!!! i love all of my fellow jojo friends who are posting about jjk too, i appreciate them <3.

Anonymous asked: Hey my dude, ur writing has really grown since the jojo days and its better and awesome seeing u become happier to branch off and write in different fandoms 🤌🤌 those stupid anons are just boring farts that couldnt be bothered making their own content 😤😤 is it possible to block them to ease ur mind?

hello anon!! i run a statcounter for IPs but it doesnt always work for ppl who access through the tumblr app, i don’t think; a lot of the anon hate i get i just use the ‘block’ option, but last night got to me because i’ve been getting that kind of writer a lot which is . . . a bad look for the jojo fandom who are, as a whole from the ones i’ve interacted with, lovely!!! <3

Anonymous asked: People often forget, the person behind art or writing, is just another regular fan. You deserve to be happy with what you create and we should be thankful you share your talent with us. You also have right to change your main interests, and it's very normal thing. Jojo is one of the MANY things that you write for and all you get from that is a like or share. Its not your job. It's your fun thing to do, in spare time. You haven't betrayed anybody. That person was just rude, selfish and bored.

i am just a person doing my best!!! anime fanfic is one of many interests i have and i already devote a lot of time to it honestly, i love when people tell me they’ve enjoyed something i made bc it makes it feel worthwhile but equally it gets to me a lot when people are rude because i am usually trying my hardest.

Anonymous asked: Bro that jjba anon... the entitlement🤮 Fam, you write whatever you want to write😤 -Saturday

dfnjbkjnkgf i find most fic readers are NOT entitled at all and are just grateful but when they are . . . oof.

Anonymous asked: It's funny how people throw "we got you popular" and they think you start apologize and cry. Your writing and passion made you gain few numbers on a follow counter, nothing more. I think I'm too old for stuff like this, we are nothing more, but +1 on a number scale. You ow us nothing, we ow you nothing. Popular... Funny word. You just write for fun of it, fake scenarios about someone's manga characters. It's not that deep. Have fun and don't listen to people like this. I knew it's not that easy, but they are really not that important as they think they are.

extremely fun fact for people who think ‘popularity’ is important to me: i would 100% rather have 10 people who regularly comment, reblog my fics with tags and interact with me than 100 people who read my fic and either leave a like or simply move on. i think this is true for the VAST MAJORITY of writers tbh. i’m glad that people think i am a ‘popular’ blog (i am not in the grand scheme of things, one of my ex-best friends used to run a kpop reader insert blog with like 30,000 followers) bc it gives me an ego boost lmao, but i really just want people to read and enjoy the stuff i write!!!

Anonymous asked: I followed you a while ago for jojo and when my friends started getting into jjk i was like...eh sounds like work...but now that I see you writing for it I feel really motivated to get into it!!! I really enjoy your writing and I want to be able to read the new stuff too!

ah anon i really hope you like it!!! it’s only one season rn if u wanna watch the anime and there isn’t too much of the manga to catch up on either but it is a lot of fun and it’s nice to be in a fandom that’s like, excited about a new chapter and new plot developments every week!

Anonymous asked: Pls dont reply if u dont want to! <3 I'm not sure if this will be of any help to you or not but this is the kind of thing that often helps me and is the only way I know to try comfort others so I wanted to give it a go~

Now im not gonna say 'dont feel bad pls' bc I know that's not really useful but what I do think is useful is just discussing why that anon and many others feel the need to respond that way. As someone who follows a lot of writing blogs myself and have done for a long time, i've seen my handful of favourite writers come and go for different reasons, lose motivation for a while, gain motivation for a while, go from multi to single fandom, or single fandom to multi. Often times as a reader it can be upsetting when things change but it's also important as a reader to understand that some things aren't in anyone's control, I can't control what my favourite writers become a fan of or lose interest of, I can't control things in their personal lives that may motivate or demotivate them to write, but what I can do is support them as long as they're active, and if they move on to do things i'm no longer interested in or i'm the one that changed interests, rather than being upset that they're evolving to do other things or that they're not evolving with me, I think it's important that I still feel thankful for the works that I enjoyed while we were still on the same page and this is how I personally deal with those negative feelings. I think the anons that lash out at you probably just dont know what to do with themselves, maybe they got attached to your works while you were still only a jjba blog and now that you're evolving they're upset, while I understand how they feel, they're going the completely wrong way about it. I've learned to take these things and turn them into something positive for myself or at least something bittersweet that I can move on from but the anons that lash out at you for whatever reason probably haven't learned this yet. Maybe it's because i've moved on and changed interests a lot myself that I know how these things go for both writers and readers but those anons maybe haven't experienced this as much so they dont know what to do with themselves other than complain that you've changed and throw insults at you in an attempt to get you to revert back. None of this is because of the quality of your writing like they want you to believe, it's literally just because you've evolved and while some of your old followers might not like the new content for no reason other than it not being their cup of tea, it's definitely not regressed at all. You are pumping out a lot of content right now but every single thing i've read has just been better than the last. Things that really stand out to me is how well you get characterisation down to a T and all of your dialogue is just on point and from the pov of a reader I think those things seem the hardest to get right so I am such a huge fan of your stuff at the moment and I can tell you're really putting so much thought and care into each and every fic no matter how fast you're producing it, I think the fact that you're also proud of what you're writing at the moment really shines through as well and I just adore the passion that radiates from every completed request as well as in the responses for the subsequent thirsts resulting from these works that appear in your ask box later (I know i've sent quite a few by now~)

Just to be clear i'm not defending those anons in any way, while I can understand what they might be feeling/why they're reacting in the way they are I still believe it's just so immature to be hateful online point blank. Even during a time where I still got upset with writers if they started doing something else I still never targeted that negativity directly to the writer and sending rude or hateful comments whether on anon or not never something i'd stooped low enough to do even when I still had an immature way of thinking, however, I hope that it might make it a little easier to brush them off if we try and understand what they're really upset about, and that they're just putting the blame for their negative feelings onto the wrong thing rather than coming to terms with change themselves.

hello anon!! i appreciate the long message. i do feel bad for people who have no interest in what i’m currently producing and i get that they feel upset about it; i’ve watched a lot of fellow jojo writers move on completely or just stop posting, honestly. this kind of thing is why i was so intense about asking people if it would be better if i made a separate blog but the resounding answer seemed to be ‘i’m just vibing with whatever happens and i’ll block tags as needed’.

i often return to works by my favourite reader-insert writers who no longer write for the fandoms i like (and i read stuff bc it sounds interesting or i trust the person who writes it), but change can be difficult and i guess at this point i’ve - whether u like me or not lmao - been a fixture in jojo reader-insert tumblr for a While so it’s probably kind of jarring.

anyway i really appreciate you and the nice words! <3

Anonymous asked: hi nat! I just wanted to pop in and say that regardless of what fandom you write for, the love and care you pour into your writing and into interacting with followers who care about your work as well is really obvious. you're doing this for FREE and people should appreciate what you've given us so far, since ultimately this blog should be for you, whatever that means to you at any point in time. it's ok to jump fandoms! the important thing is that you feel good about what you're producing and that it makes you happy. everyone else is just a bonus - but, seeing you on my dash certainly makes me happy : ) I hope you feel better soon!

thank you anon! i’m feeling much better and happier today. birthdays are very difficult for me (i did not think i’d be alive at eighteen, much less 25!) so this event is definitely kind of a way for me to concentrate on something else, and i’m a little bit extra sensitive atm. i appreciate you so much, thank you for the kind words!!! <3

Anonymous asked: Hello! I just wanted to say, write what YOU want and make YOUR writings as long as you'd like. 💖 To the anon who is like "We mAdE yOu FaMoUs dOnt HalF asS iT" stfu, let people do what they wanna do. If you think they half do it, write something better and longer you asshat.

this is an open invitiation to that anon to send me a link to their writing blog and i’ll hype them up i promise <3

Anonymous asked: nat i'm so so sorry about that ask please know that your older followers don't share the same opinion :( sometimes people forget about the living, breathing person behind the screen smh. you are not a machine. you absolutely should not restrict yourself to posting about one fandom forever. yes, we're first pulled in by your amazing content, but we stay for your wonderful personality and work ethic. please just keep being you, taking up projects you feel comfy with! <333 bless u

ahh thank u anon! unfortunately i actually am a writing robot, i’m sorry u had to find out this way. my jojo chip has been removed, please send it back so i can continue to not half-ass my jojo work. fgnjkbgjkfn thank you so much angel!!! i appreciate you ;_;.

Anonymous asked: i don’t think it’s fair for other people to say shit about what you choose to write about because on tumblr and other writing platforms, writers are constantly developing how they write and the fandoms that they write for. it’s not fair for someone to criticize that “you don’t care about jjba blah blah blah” because you can enjoy new shows/manga. and like you said you’ve grown so much!! proud of you nat and im glad that ive been able to read your works (sincerely other nat)

i am STILL waiting for you to come and fight me other nat fgnjkbnf. it’s nice to be enjoying different things! i am constantly learning new things and reading new works and making new friends and improving and i think that’s important. i do care about jjba - a lot! but i can care about other things too! <3

Anonymous asked: I may not be one of your oldest followers, but i've been here for almost 3 years. Yes, i started following u for ur jojo content, but let me tell u, ur newfound motivation and enthusiam for other fandoms was honestly contagiuos for me. And i say this as a person who finds very difficult to move from one interest to another. Jojo is great, but so are other fandoms. Please don't let some faceless scum rob u that motivation. This is ur blog and u r always free to write whatever u want.

honestly, i have been there! i am autistic and i have special interests and watching other people move on to stuff i’m not vibing with has made me sad in the past, but i want people to be happy more than anything and sometimes that means new things and change! <3

Anonymous asked: Hi Nat! I saw that rude anon message & I just wanted to pop in & say that they're wrong. You're not betraying anyone & you should write whatever it is you want to write. I followed you for jojo & I'm not familiar with the other fandoms that you write for, but personally it makes me SO happy to see you enjoying new things! It's always good to find joy wherever you can, so keep writing what you're interested in. There a lot of ppl who want to see you happy and healthy <3

honestly the idea of it being a GRAND BETRAYAL is so funny, i am just writing anime fanfic here and thriving!!! tysm anon! <3

Anonymous asked: Those anons can piss off! They have no right to judge how long or how short your writing is. If they want longer content write it their damn selves. I think your writing has improved wonderfully and I originally followed for Jojo and I'm enjoying all the content period. I don't even watch jujutsu ( not my cup of tea personally) but I love seeing the creativity and the interactions. You write what makes you happy Nat and that's on that! You don't owe anybody anything! I know how hard writing is and when your consuming new content it's hard to make content for something else. That doesn't mean you don't like it any more your just doing something different for a while. Love you and your content and I'm enjoying the love your putting into your content whether long or short. ♥♥💕 Sending love your way!

honestly my idea of ‘short content’ is still over 1k words, i’m not good at reeling myself in! i guess it’s bc they see like, 1.5k jojo fic versus 5k jjk fic but it’s not that i didn’t enjoy the first fic, just that the point and the story came a lot quicker and so did the natural end! thank you anon, i appreciate you ;_;

Anonymous asked: Hello! Just wanted to let your know that I think your writing is awesome, and that you should write for whoever and for whatever you want to! You dont have to stay loyal to one fandom or anything, and your followers shouldn't expect that from you! It's not like they are paying you to write, you are doing this for free, and because you enjoy it and it makes you happy! If they dont like your stuff, they dont have to follow you, they can go to other blogs that cater to their taste, and they definitely don't need to be sending you such hurtful comments, and they dont get to make you feel sad about your writing! Just because they followed you during your earlier stages of writing, doesn't mean you owe them some type of loyalty or compensation! You can write literally whatever you want as long as it makes you happy! That's what your hobby and your blog are for! I hope you know that alot of your followers love your work and think that you are an amazing writer and are down to support the work that makes you happiest! 💖💖

ahh thank you so much anon!!! i am always so bowled over by how many people are nice to me when something like this happens, i am sending you my love <3

Anonymous asked: don’t listen to them!! we love you as a writer no matter what you write, because you’re a good person and a talented writer!! you shouldn’t have to change what you write to please a bitter person, and if they only want jjba, they can go to another blog instead of bringing you down. you’re doing amazing and they should be thankful you grace us with your talents!!

to be totally honest, if i was half-assing or not vibing with content i was making i just. wouldn’t post it. like you’d be able to TELL when i was half-assing stuff just to get words out (source: i have re-read my own nanowrimo works). there are lots of great jjba blogs who could do with more followers n interaction!!! i hope they do find them and i hope they’re nice to them :(.

Anonymous asked: Please don’t pay attention to that anon. People only have that confidence when they have anon turned on. Them looking through your blog despite feeling that way is peak fan behavior and speaks to how addicting your writing is. Naturally, you can’t please everyone and there will be people who are irrational and feel entitled to tell you what to do or what to write no matter what. Trust me when I say they’re a small minority and are more likely probably passing viewers rather than regulars. I check your blog about three or more times a day because I love reading not just your fics but also your takes, banter with other anons, or even random updates. Brainrot posts? LOVE TO SEE IT!!! Desk update? AMAZING!!! With that being said, don’t feel pressured to continue pushing out content for others. Write what makes you happy! You’ve been writing for JJBA for 4 years and it’s completely normal + healthy to get into new media. I’m not sure if it would mean much, but your love for JJK has gotten me excited to start it too!!

anon i really hope you enjoy it!!! sometimes these anons remember stuff i’ve posted and said better than i do tbh, i am living in their heads rent free i guess!

Anonymous asked: I've been following you for a couple of years and honestly it would always be a joy to see when you posted. Your writing has improved and I'm very happy you're enjoying yourself ! I know it hurts hearing and seeing stuff like that but I'm happy you're here. I'm honestly blessed everytime you post. Your writing is phenomenal. I love reading it even if its characters that I dont care for. You capture their essences so well and weave an amazing tale within the prompts and whatnot. You're amazing nat!

wehh thank you so much!!! re: the improvement, i really don’t feel like it has and then i re-read something i wrote when i first started and i’m like oh my god maybe it has. did i really write about jotaro acting like that.

Anonymous asked: Hi Nat. I recently became a follower of yours and I'm really saddened to see you get hate. You seem like a genuinely sweet person with amazing talent! I'm a writer myself and, unfortunately, get the same kind of comments. And when you get those comments, it doesn't leave you feeling motivated. People need to understand that people can and will, at times, grow out of fandoms. (1 Not just that but you're doing all of this for free. Again, I'm sorry you got such a comment. But please know that I'm proud of how far you've come. I'm proud that you're living a life that makes you happy. And no matter what fandom you may find yourself in next, I will always enjoy your writing. Take care of yourself. (2 end

HELLO NEW FOLLOWER I LOVE YOU (i get a lot more a day now than i used to and i feel guilty about not being able to look through so many blogs but i do try and follow back other writers for my fandoms!! ;_;). i’m sorry you get the same kind of comments! i’m always just happy to see people i like enjoying new things, even if i have no interest in it (hello to all of my mutuals who write for hunter x hunter and haikyuu, not interested but i’m sure you’re having a great time and i support you!!!).

Anonymous asked: I'm sure you're getting a barrage of supportive messages now (at least I hope so) but I figured I'd add my voice, because I'm a longtime follower. Your writing is, and always has been, wonderful. I've been so happy to see you and Haz get to a place that works for you both. Idk if it's obvious for everyone, but you seem like you're emotionally in a pretty good place most of the time these days, and it makes me really happy to see that. I followed years ago for JJBA content, but I stayed because regardless of what content you put out, I find your wit delightful. And I'll stick around even if you move fandoms entirely, because whatever content or editorializing you produce is going to be worth reading, regardless of what it's for.

ahh, anon!! thank you for sticking around so long, sorry if you’re old enough to have been around the vore and jorts and spider rohan fiascos! <3 i am definitely a lot more stable than i have been and - barring the Pandemic Related Mental Health Issues - happier! i’m glad that it’s noticeable! <3

Anonymous asked: It actually makes me mad how entitled some people are. Nat, you're not a content creating machine and those who expect you to be are not worth wasting a thought on. Your love for something is not measured in word counts and for you to write every day without getting burned out in the slightest you really must have a burning passion and huge dedication to your craft. If others decide to send hate then allow me to send admiration because I can feel your love and hard work in each post you make!

i try and write every day bc it’s super good for my little ocd/autistic brain to have routines and distract itself, so i’m glad other people can enjoy them because that makes me motivated to carry on! like, i write for myself mostly bc the content i want i sometimes get find, but filling requests and writing for other people also leaves me with happy warm fuzzies too! i appreciate you!! <3

Anonymous asked: If people only care about your writing for the jojo porn that’s on THEM, not you. Your writing was amazing when I followed about a year ago, and it’s only gotten better and will continue to get better! I think it really comes through when you enjoy what you’re writing and it adds a whole other layer of worth to it, because not only are you making free content but you LIKE that content and we can all gush about it together!!! More than just fans, I think you’ve created a community here and we don’t just stick around to read smut, I promise you that. -Reronon

i do miss having a discord community bc it was nice to talk to everyone in real time but it was hard work, i am glad that people feel like they can just come into my askbox and gush! i’m not very friendly in real life and people tend to think i am cold and stuck up so i work very hard to try and seem friendly and approachable online, which is much easier for me because i get to think and re-draft before i type! <3

Anonymous asked: Hi Nat! I’m sure you’re getting a lot of messages like this right now but I just wanted to say for what it’s worth that, as a person who originally followed you for jjba content and hasn’t watched/read any of the other series you’re currently writing for, I’m honestly still along for the ride. This is your blog and you’re allowed to do what you want with it and put out what content you feel like writing. Sometimes??? People acquire new interests??????? Shocking! I know absolutely nothing about jjk or bnha but out of curiosity still read some of your posts about them and even though I might not Get It, I still enjoy them because I think you’re a very talented writer! Honestly, as long as you’re still writing, I’m still down to clown, and whenever you take breaks (which are important!) I’ll still be waiting for your return or supporting and respecting your decision to stay away longer. Don’t let the entitled assholes get you down. Utilize YOUR blog and YOUR space however YOU choose. Your talent and kindness speak for themselves. Love you!!! ❤️❤️❤️

anon i care about you and i am so appreciative of you and everyone for sending me such nice messages! i am running out of ways to say it but it’s true, it really does mean a lot to me ;_; <3

#nat.txt

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miekasa · 3 years

Note

hi mie! i hope you’re well. i wanted to ask for your advice as you’re one of my favorite writers on tumblr;

i recently started writing for myself and want to start uploading works to tumblr but im not quite sure how to expand my page. i know that it’ll be pretty slow at first but i just wanted to ask you if you had any tips! i admire you as a writer so much and adore the way you and your audience interact!! its very much what i’d like to strive towards.

Helloooooo!! Hehe I’m flattered that you’d ask me for advice, and the best I can offer is probably not that groundbreaking honestly, but here you go!!

For one, the tags you use are somewhat important. I say somewhat because I don’t know how/if that’ll change with new censorship rules and things not showing up in tags—but generally, using popular fic tags will help! Second, writing the most self-indulgent things you can think of will be your life saver. You write for yourself, but there are chances that your articulation of your own daydreams and fantasies are exactly what people crave even if they didn’t know it before.

As far as interaction goes, honestly, I have the people who follow me and send asks for that. Sometimes I feel as tho I am not the most interactive myself because this is my side-blog and not my main blog, so I’m very grateful that ppl stop by to share their thoughts and concepts. I think as long as your blog is welcoming for people to share, then you’ll do great!

#anonymous #daily reminder that i love all of u for interacting w me hehehe #thank u for coming by to talk about levi and eren w me #also ik ive said this before but the way a lot of u start ur asks with 'mie!' or 'hi mie!' makes me so 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺#SO !!!!!! i cannot explain it but im just ;((((( you guysssss

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falcor-thee-luck-dragon · 4 years

Text

What a Time to be Alive - Diego Hargreeves x reader Season I

Chapter 5- Number Five

Summary: You finally found Five, drunk, but you found him. Patch is dead. And now you and Diego are on the hunt for the masked killers with assistance from Klaus.

Masterlist - where all the other chapters are⚔️

Tagged: @sambucky8 @white-wolf-buckaroo @2cuteforyourlies @la-vie-en-amour1 @fandomoverlord221 @thatfandombitcch @alonewolfsblog @starrrybarnes @winterboobear11

You burst through your apartment door with a new rage overthrowing your recent grief, Diego’s right on your tail, trying to catch up with you the best he can. Your strides are fast as you march hastily through the small room, heading straight for Five. “You boy scout looking fuck. Do you have any idea what you’ve just caused?” You growl launching yourself at him with fists in the air, without warning Luther catches you before you can really tear into Five. “No! Let me go you fucking monkey boy, get your hands off of me!” You yell at him, as he lifts you up off the ground, “I can do this as long as it takes you to calm down.” Says Luther calmly. You continue to struggle in his strong grasp, seriously contemplating if you’ve lost it enough to bite him before Diego sets a hand on your tense shoulder. Further stopping you before you can find a way to break free by injuring Luther, “Y/N, please.”

You make a lowly animistic sound, like that of a beaten circus tiger, as you stop struggling, “Fine.” Luther then sets you down.

“Now, wanna tell us what you’re talkin’ about?”

You glare at Five, still upset from finding Eudora dead in that motel room. You were gonna have lunch with her on Friday and then explain why Diego’s been so persistent about the shootings. You hadn’t had a chance to talk with her yet. And now you never will.

“Your brother’s been pretty busy since he got back. He was in the middle of that shootout at Giddy’s, and then at Gimble Brothers, after those masked psychos attacked the Academy, looking for him.” You snap, staring daggers at Five.

He barely moves a muscle, “None of which is any of your concern.” He mutters calmly, way to damn calmly for you.

You scowl at him in annoyance, “It is now you little shit. They just killed my friend.” You vent back, stepping in closer, Diego has to grab your arm from tearing into the tiny 58 year old man in front of you.

“Who are they Five?” Questions Luther, breaking the tense atmosphere.

“And where the hell are they from?” Adds Diego, hand still firmly grasping your arm.

Five gives you all a tired look, “They work for my formal employer at the commission. A woman called the Handler. She sent them...to stop me. Then as soon as Y/N and Diego’s friend got in their way, well, fair game.” Five shrugs, so this is just business is business to him.

“Well they’re my fair game now. And I’ll make sure of it that they pay in blood.” You sneer, turning around and walking briskly towards the door, Diego hot on your tail.

“That would be a mistake Diego, for you to let her go.....They’ve killed people far more dangerous then you think.” Calls Five, you stop by the railing to look back at him.

“I’d like to see them try and kill me then....the next time I see them will be when I drive my dagger into their throats.” You growl with malice, turning away from them to walk out the door.

Luther looks to Diego and then back at Five with a stunned face, “I don’t care what she does. She just better not miss.” Says Five with a sigh, as Diego nods while making towards the open door.

You get into the passenger seat as Diego takes the steering wheel, he turns the car on, turning to look at you, “Are you okay?” He whispers gently. You stare vacantly out the side window, “No. Just drive.” You mumble sadly, you’re trying to be strong but one of your only friends has just been killed violently by two masked psychopaths. It’s a bit difficult if you’re being honest, but you’re too numb with silent fury to cry at the moment.

He nods in understanding, putting the car into drive and taking off.

——

You stand silently in Diego’s doorway at the Umbrella Academy, he pulls out a metal briefcase from under his bed, and opens it up. It’s his old knife case, he then puts his remaining free knifes that are hiding on him in the case. He quickly shuts it and locks it up, leaving it on the floor to stand up and walk over to you. “Do you have anything you need to get before we head out?” He says while holding the sides of your arms. You look up at him, “I am all that I need.” You whisper valiantly, meaning absolutely every word, underlying so much more behind that small sentence.

Your mind flashes back to your younger days when you were fighting alongside with the Umbrella Academy, you had wanted so badly to prove that you belonged among them. Your mindset solely focused on accomplishing the mission successfully, hoping that Reginald would be satisfied with your hard work. Through your attempts, you may have went a little overboard, losing control at times, lashing out furiously on the enemy. You turned into something incredibly dangerous, but at the time all you saw was a warrior, a hero, a vital piece of the Umbrella Academy that could not be held back. You were so lost in your own success and the satisfaction of Sir Reginald that you didn’t notice when the Umbrella Academy was starting to become afraid of you. It was the most lonely and darkest couple weeks of your life that you’d ever felt, and you couldn’t fully understand why they wouldn’t want to play with you. It started on a mission, you’d just discovered that whenever you were completely in full rage mode, your eyes would turn the color of molten lava, a deep orange, perhaps your body’s way of showing off the raging fire within you, or so you’d tell yourself. Quite opposite of your original eye color. You’d never realized it before until Allison pointed it out after an intense mission once. To keep a long story short, you killed a bunch of terrorists who were about to kill your friends. You tore into them wildly, your eyes practically glowing embers. You were breathing heavily and covered in other people’s blood by the time you were done. For a week they wouldn’t even look at you, it took longer for Ben to come around. And you absolutely hated yourself for it. Of course Reginald was ecstatic, mentioning your achievement at dinner one night, of how you unlocked a hidden power within yourself and that the others should strive to do the same. The rest of them fumed in jealousy, deciding to ignore you for awhile as payback, since they couldn’t hurt you physically. And they were to scared about what you could have done back at them. You felt like a caged lioness, a powerful and deadly creature, being taunted and stared at from afar by snotty children who are safe and content behind the thick glass.

But life goes on, and you’ve sacrificed yourself for them a couple hundred times since then, more then they’ll ever be able to repay. With time they began to understand you better, and amazingly to your great surprise Diego, out of all people, had a ginormous crush on you. Which led to even more wonderful things you’re scared little 13 year old self could never have even dreamed of. You got older, stopping caring about Reginald’s approval, and moved on with your life. Things got much better after that.

Your wandering mind comes back to reality when Diego kisses your forehead, he understands your somber silence, choosing to comfort you in the best way he possibly can. He releases you, turning to pick up his silver briefcase as you take a step out the door. Waiting a brief moment for your vigilante lover to catch up with you.

As you walk down the stairs and across the messy carpet past the damaged fallen chandelier. You notice Klaus who’s standing by the broken crushed table, he looks a bit lost and out of it. Oddly enough it’s not from any alcohol consumption or other substances. At least that you can smell, he’s clean.

“What happened here?” Klaus asks curiously, you look over to him with a casual shrug.

“Long story.” You add, not really wanting to get into details right now.

“You look like shit.” Diego tells him dryly.

“Why, thank you. Hey, where are you two going?” Wonders Klaus, watching the two of you head for the door. “Nope.” Snaps Diego quickly, Klaus’ face falls at his denied request.

“I’m not giving you a ride.” Grumbles Diego, who’s stopped walking to look at Klaus.

“Oh, come on, man. You know I can’t drive.” He whines, moving in closer to Diego. You stand with your arms crossed by the fallen chandelier, patiently watching the brotherly interaction between the two of them, who’re directly in front of you.

Diego shakes his head, “I don’t c..” You suddenly cut him off, “Go get your shit. We’ll be in the car.” Klaus’ face breaks out into a grateful smile, he laughs lightly before patting Diego on the chest, turning to get his things. “Okay, great. I’ll just get my things. Two minutes.” He says happily, rushing past you with a grin to get whatever it is that Klaus needs.

Diego turns around to give you a what-the-hell kinda look, you casually shrug, “He said two minutes.....and he looks like he could use some friendly interaction.” Diego just sighs, nodding in agreement, “Yeah alright...but only because you’ll be with me.” He replies, before turning towards the door.

You smack his bum as you scoot past him, “It’ll be fun, just like old times.” You quip while Diego shakes his head in amusement, following you out the door.

——

You’re comfortably sprawled out in the backseat, feeling the dull roll of the car moving speedily down the road, while you listen to the hum of the engine. Diego drives, as Klaus drinks from a wine bottle, looking dismally out the window. “You okay?” Diego says after a quiet couple minutes, not getting anything from Klaus, who takes another swig. “Wow. This is a first. My brother Klaus is silent. How bout’ that Y/N.” Diego glances at Klaus again, “Last time you were this quiet, we were 12. Ran down the stairs wearing Grace’s heels, tripped over, and broke your jaw. How long was it wired shut again?” He wonders.

“Eight weeks.” Whispers Klaus tiredly, still staring out the window.

“Eight glorious weeks of bliss.” Smiles Diego, you sit up sticking your head between the two of them. “And I missed out on it all, damn.” You mutter, trying to mentally visualize the whole scenario. Klaus suddenly lifts his head up, “Hey, just....just drop me off here.” Diego nods, you look across the street at the building in mind, Lakeshore VFW, but that’s where the veterans go? None of you have ever been in the army, at least that you know of.

Diego pulls into the small parking lot, Klaus jumping out as soon as he stops, now you’re very confused. “You sure you’re all good, Klaus?” You call after him, he ignores you as he nervously walks up to the door, opening it and walking inside. You look over to Diego who’s equally as puzzled, he turns around about to start the car again. When you instantly reach your hand out to touch his shoulder, “Wait, I’m gonna go in and see what’s up with Klaus.” Diego stops, turning his neck to look at you, “I guess I better go in too. Not that you couldn’t handle yourself Y/N...I mean Klaus probably needs me an...”

“Diego.” You deadpan, shutting him up instantly. He takes the keys out of the ignition, as you open up your door, Diego doing the same. The two of you then start walking towards the entrance, clueless as to why Klaus would have wanted to stop here.

You walk in, finding him moping around some old WWll photographs, you sigh, beginning to walk over to Klaus, Diego right behind you. Throwing a hand on Klaus’ shoulder you unintentionally startle him, “Just go away, please.” He asks you, while rubbing his eyes. You let go of his shoulder, half-sitting yourself against the pool table, Diego steps up next to him, “Not until you talk to us.”

“Is that a threat? You threatening me?” He mutters, annoyed that you two won’t leave him alone. Suddenly a random guy to your left walks up to the three of you, “Guys. This bar? It’s for vets only.” He states, urging you all to leave.

“I am a vet.” Says Klaus, by the way he announces it, you can sense he’s not lying. But how would he have been a vet. Something wrong definitely happened in that whole day he was missing.

The veteran chuckles, not believing him in the slightest, “Really? Where’d you serve?” He says amused, glancing back at his friends. “None of your business.” Snaps Klaus defensively. The grumpy vet starts to lose his humor, and apparently his temper too. His face falling, “You got balls comin’ in here, pretendin’ you’re one of us.” You glance at Diego, who gives you a what-is-even-happening, look. Klaus turns around, “Oh, I have every right to be here, just like you. Asshole.” He says growling the last word. Shit. The large and pissed off vet takes a step closer, you step in front of Klaus, raising your hands up to stop him, “Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Easy now, soldier. All right? My friend here has had one too many.” You look to his friends beginning to gather around behind him, then back to him, “Let’s just call it a day, all go our own way. No harm done.” You tell him, doing your best to reason with him and get out of here without a brawl. “Sure thing.” He says bluntly, but you’re unconvinced. “Thank you.” You answer anyway, trying to move things along, you turn to Klaus and Diego, “Let’s go..” “As long as you apologize.” Interrupts the vet, Klaus looks back at the photographs giggling to himself. You give Diego a defeated look, as you turn around to face the vet again. “Fine. I’m sorry. He’s sorry. We’re all sorry. So...are we good?” You tell him, restraining a sour tone the best you can physically muster. He looks at you, pointing to Klaus, “I wanna hear him say it.”

“Hey, man. I’m just trying to..” “No, no. He’s right Y/N. He‘s right. He’s right.” Interrupts Klaus, turning around to face the angry vet and his buddies. “I’d like to apologize...that you...are depriving some village of their idiot!” Growls Klaus, this not sitting very well with the vet. He swings at Klaus but misses when Klaus swiftly ducks, standing up again to head butt the guy. The guy staggers back, his buddy throwing a fist up to catch Klaus across the head. But before he has a chance Diego rushes in, deflecting the punch and kneeing the guy in the stomach. “Seriously.” You groan at all of them. Klaus running past you to jump on the back of another random guy who’s ready to fight.

You roll your eyes, men. Deciding enough is enough you spring into action, it only takes you about 10 seconds before they’re all groaning in pain on the ground, dazed as to how you just took them all out so fast. You stand near the exit, adjusting your jacket. “Let’s go. Right fucking now.” You snarl at Diego and Klaus, who instantly get up off the floor, making a beeline for the door.

——

You’re sitting in the backseat of Diego’s car, him at the steering wheel and Klaus in the passenger seat. Your little trio parked across the street from Giddy’s Donuts. “You got a big mouth, you know that?” States Diego, referring to Klaus’ jabs at that old grumpy vet. “Oh, wow. What a truly shocking revelation, Diego.” Mumbles Klaus unamused, as he goes to open up a bag of pills. “Everything’s a big joke to you, right? Would you stop it?” Diego yells, grabbing the pill bag out of Klaus’ hands. “Why are you putting this shit in your body?” Interrogates Diego, not being able to understand why his brother always does this over and over again.

Klaus blows a raspberry into the air, in frustrated defeat. “Check this out Hmm?” Says Diego as he lifts up his black sweater, where he then pats his toned stomach. “My body is a temple. All that shit you do, it’s just weakness.”He states. You lean up closer in between the two of them.

“That’s so inspirational.” You add sarcastically, earning a small snort form Klaus.

“Well weakness feels so good.” Klaus then reaches his hand up to take a pill, Diego reacting fast as he smacks it out of his hand.

“What’s going on with you? Huh?”

“Don’t hit me asshole!” Yells Klaus, you just sit back and watch the show, Diego leaning in closer as he jabs a finger at him, “Don’t tell me everything is all right, because I saw you in there. You were crying like a baby!” Explains Diego loudly, you covering your ears a bit at his explosion. “Because I lost someone.” Barks Klaus, who looks down at his hands, sighing sadly, “I lost someone. The only...The only person I ever truly loved more then myself.” You sit up again, looking between the two of them. Diego looks out the front window with a puzzled look on his face, not expecting that answer. Klaus just gives you a sad smile, “Cheers.” He says, popping a colorful pill in his mouth.

“Well you’re luckier then most. At least you can still see them...when they....yeah.” You whisper quietly, thinking about your parents and Patch. You lean back into the backseat, turning your head left to look out the window. Diego turns his neck to look at you, about to say something before he catches sight of Hazel through the back window, who’s breaking into a car. “That’s our guy.” You sit up, turning around to see for yourself, “Huh. No shit.”

“Hey, I know that guy.” Adds Klaus, watching Hazel through the side mirror. “How could you possibly know that...” Begins Diego.

“He and a really angry lady tortured me. I barely got out with my life.” Explains Klaus, revealing a heavy part that you missed. You furrow your brows frowning, “Cha-Cha.” You mutter quietly to yourself. These psychos are dead. Diego abruptly starts the engine, pulling out to follow Hazel to wherever he’s going next. And so the hunt begins.

——

The three of you sit in the car, outside of the crappy motel that Hazel unknowingly lead you to. Klaus is sipping on his bottle of wine, while Diego scans the area, you watching the motel windows closely. You suddenly spot movement coming from the blinds of one on the upper floor, on closer inspection it’s a woman, looking incredibly familiar, that must be Cha-Cha. “Bingo.”

Diego looks up, catching a flash of her hand, as the curtains conceal the rest of her. You get out of the car and wait for Diego as he takes out a knife, Klaus just looking at you two bored, “You know killing these people is not gonna make you feel any better, Y/N.” Adds Klaus. You stop for a second to think about why you’re doing this. Diego’s here to avenge a friend, but you’ve kinda been leading the charge this whole time. After all, you were closer friends with Patch then Diego was, and you also know that these fuckers have murdered countless other innocents. They must die, and you’re the best person to do it.

You lean down by the window to look at Klaus, “They killed my friend and countless other innocent people, kill one save a thousand.” You growl, standing back up at the sound of a door opening. You look up, watching as Hazel walks out the door and down the hallway, out of sight. You quickly follow, leaving Diego and Klaus to argue about something from behind you.

Turning a corner, you silently walk up the metal steps to the second floor, Diego practically materializing behind you, daggers out and ready to fight. You both reach the top, but before any of you have time to move Klaus walks up, “So, what exactly is the plan here, you two lovers in crime...fighting?” Muses Klaus, making it to the top steps. “I told you to wait in the car.” Grumbles Diego who gives you a look, “Yeah, but you also told me that licking a nine-volt battery would give me pubes.” You raise an eyebrow at Diego, “We were eight.” Klaus just looks up at Diego giving a shrug as he takes a couple steps. Diego grabs is arm, stopping him quickly as he pulls him down the steps, you’re watching this half annoyed and half holding in laughter. Diego then races back up the stairs, giving you a confident nod as he turns towards the blue motel door. Giving it a hard kick, the door swings open, revealing nothing on the inside but a tv blaring loudly with some western cowboy movie on. “Very subtle.” You quip, slightly irked at how less then clever his surprise ambush was. You turn to the right, looking down at the parking lot as you unexpectedly hear the scratching of tires on pavement. What the hell?

You move towards the railing as a blue car comes speeding into view, with Hazel and Cha-Cha in their familiar get up of Halloween masks and guns. That are now shooting deadly bullets at you and Diego, oh shit Diego. Without warning a bullet rips into your right upper shoulder where your arm and torso meet. A second slicing just below your bellybutton. Diego grabs at you, hauling you backwards as another bullets clips him in the forearm. To your great surprise, Klaus pulls the both of you back even further, evidently helping the two of you avoid getting shot again.

“Oh, man. See? Used to think I was an idiot?” Sasses Klaus at a panting Diego.

“I still think you’re an idiot.” He claps back, holding onto his left arm, where the bullet went through.

You on the other hand are leaning against the staircase railing, sucking in pained breaths as you slowly feel the bullets getting pushes out of you. The flesh beginning to fuse back together once again, Diego and Klaus finally look over to you. “Y/N, you alright?” Wonders Klaus. You glare up at him still grimacing in pain, “No.” You wheeze, shutting your eyes tight, as both bullets are being forced out of you by the rapid healing process, ultimately at long last they drop to the floor, making a ringing sound as they hit the metal staircase. You stand up straight once again, your eyes going wide in realization, “They’re getting away!” You blurt out, racing down the steps, Diego and Klaus hot on your heels. When the three of you make it back to Diego’s car, you notice how the front tire is completely flat. You all groan in frustration, now what? “Was this all part of your master plan?” Doubts Klaus, miffed that no one has a ride now. “Shut up.” Snaps Diego, looking around for something that could assist in the matter.

You look up to the sky, putting your hands on your hips, “Fucking fuck.” You whine loudly to the sky or birds or whoever would listen, snapping your head back down, your eyes land on the large ice cream truck. Parked ever so sweetly and conveniently in front of you. With a new idea fresh in your mind you walk past Diego and Klaus, stopping in front of the white and cutely designed truck. “I found our ride.”

They turn to look at you, Klaus smiling in excitement as Diego’s face falls. “I’ll drive.” Blurts out an ecstatic Klaus.

——

Sticking your head out the window you catch the scent of Hazel and Cha-Cha, they smell of gun powder, fast food, and death. So it wasn’t exactly that difficult to get on their trail. Gosh I’m just like a frickin bloodhound, you think. You sit on the right side while Klaus drives, Diego slumped in the middle seat, putting pressure on his wound. Why you let Klaus drive? You’re pretty sure you have some bullet fragments still stuck in your shoulder, no you definitely do. Why else would it still feel sore, damn you’re gonna have to take those out later.

Now that you look at your surroundings, there’s nothing but trees and farm fields. Plus Luther and Five, standing next to a parked car on the road, while Hazel and Cha-Cha point guns at you from further down the road. Shit. You hold on tight as Klaus manically laughs while plowing into the two assassins. Everything happens so fast and the next second you’re jostled again when the ice cream truck rams right into their getaway car. You smack your head off the window, cracking the glass, as Diego gets shoved into the dashboard. “Fuck.” You seethe through clenched teeth, bringing your hand up to touch the spot on your head. No blood is felt to your great relief and now the pain is gone, unlike Diego who’s clutching his injured arm in pain.

You hear Klaus yelling for you two to get out, not wanting to wait for Diego’s slow ass to make it out of the truck. You kick your door open, breaking the lock in the process, oh well. Not dwelling on the matter, you book it to the other side where Luther and Klaus are holding up Diego as they start running for Luther’s car, without a second thought you follow them, not caring enough to bother with either Hazel or Cha-Cha. You’ll get your chance, the safety of your family is way more important at the moment.

You run around to the passenger side of Luther’s car, Klaus and Diego taking the back, as Luther gets into the drivers seat, hitting the gas and flooring it.

#the umbrella academy #the umbrella academy x reader #diego hargreeves #diego hargreeves x you #diego hargreeves x reader #falcor the luck dragon stories #what a time to be alive fic #tua #tua season one

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lnarizakis · 4 years

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SAM HIT 1K !

hey, everyone! a few days ago i hit 1k followers and i’m so excited to share with you all this news! it’s been six months of writing, posting, and making new friends, and i’ve recognized the results of all of my efforts. thank you to everyone who’s been with me on this journey, even if i met you in march, or just yesterday!

i acknowledge that in the past i’ve been selfish and self-conscious about that number, but everyday i’m grateful that i have a growing number of people who have my back, supporting me, even if it’s through a simple like or even an anonymous ask telling me they really enjoyed a particular work of mine.

and, with everything you do in life, you encounter people who will support you, make your life better, and just know how to help you up when you’ve fallen: friends. that being said, i want to write a letter to all the friends i’ve made on here since i don’t know when i’ll be able to get the next chance to . . .

TRIS , i remember seeing you appear in the comments of almost all of my posts and i just want to thank you personally for always supporting what i have. you don’t realize how much every little comment means to me, really! it always puts a smile on my face to see you comment something and it feels like i’ve accomplished something, so thank you. @tris-does-stuff

HANA , you really don’t know how happy you’ve made me when you told me you were a fan of mine. it just... shocked me? to know that i have people out there that genuinely support what i do? we only really started talking for a couple of days but i feel a strong connection between the two of us (it really may be our matching mbti types, too!) and i’m so glad to be able to call you my friend. you didn’t hear this from me, but i constantly look back at the #anon makes me happy tag and read through those anonymous messages you sent me. i love them (and you) very much! @wansseul

ELLIOT , i know you as one of my biggest supporters for coaches don’t play, and i find that really heartwarming to see that even after, what, two months since i’ve updated, you reblogged it with the tag #thank you for updating! ! i was so happy to see that, and you even proceeded to send in an ask about it afterwards too! i know we don’t really talk often—but i definitely think we should— but i know that you’re so incredibly sweet, especially after i was having that rough slump of mine i think last month. you were so kind to tell me that you’d always be here if i need to talk with someone, so thank you very much. i’m very grateful to have met you! @keiyoomi

JJ , hey, jj!!! i know we haven’t talked in a hot second, but look! i’ve reached 1k followers! i remember you were around during my coaches don’t play days, and that you always sent an ask after almost every update. sometimes i fiind myself looking back at them and smiling, knowing that you were enjoying what i wrote, so thank you very much! i want to say another thank you for being there for me when i was feeling really down in the dumps, and for taking the time out of your day to write me a message on discord. i’m so grateful that you did so, and i hope life treats you well. also! i began reading the great gatsby for school, so we should talk about it sometime hehehe. @kunimwuah

DOVE , aka uvogin anon, dovey lovey, my favorite inbox invader! i . honestly don’t know how we met. like one day u just appeared in my inbox and BAM ! we started talking! and i don’t regret every single thing i send into your inbox (even beany cock) . i always look forward to whenever you send things in my inbox and i really mean it when i say you’re my favorite inbox invader >:) it makes me so happy to see you active on tumblr and to see what you bring me everyday. i am very grateful you’re in my life, and i hope we continue to talk more and more! @fantasiesofdreams

SAL , i remember the first time i talked with you! you liked one of my posts and i was like oh she seems cool, i’m gonna follow her and congratulate her on 400 followers. and soon enough, we started tagging each other in those tag games and later we just grew closer and closer! i’m so happy that we got really close and it always brightens my day to see you on my dash; you never fail to put a smile on my face. thank you so much for being my friend and always being there when i need a good laugh! @sugaanoya

AI , ai, ai love you! i remember following you for your “be my boyfriend” series, and i hope it continues on your new blog (no promises, of course!). i also was there during your blank kita era, and it was honestly something that made me laugh out loud. i’m pretty sure i turned on notifications for you at that point because i was so invested with this drama. you’re just an insanely nice person whose kindness rivals your love for suna (or is it sakusa? your disloyalty, tsk... just kidding!!!). i know that we haven’t talked a whole lot lately but i will be sure to hop in your inbox and stay for a while some time soon. thank you so much for being my friend and i hope you stay happy and healthy! @wiintiier

KAI , aka caca wife! i remember when we started talking on rircus, and at first i didn’t really know who you were, until one fateful night when the conversation about caca happened. at that moment i knew we had similar senses of humor and i remember that i couldn’t stop laughing. it was the caca madness! if i’m being completely honest, i look up to you as a big sister that i’ve never had and i really appreciate you for that, so thank you for being in my life! @lcaita

NAOMI , aka newmie! i remember we first started talking in rircus and i want to thank you for welcoming me so kindly in the server, and especially during the first night we talked, which is when i had a problem and you helped me out immensely. i just want to say thank you for every time that you’ve helped me, talked to me, and made me feel better when i felt less than okay. i’m so glad that i’ve met you and i hope you accomplish great things in your life. @kuraomi

MICKIE , probably one of the only people on discord whose mesages i find myself laughing at a lot. you’re always brightening up the mood wherever you go, and i always find myself looking towards what you have to say today. thanks for that! i also think about that (may i say, really funny) exchange between the two of us on here when you went: “oh god i can’t believe HE’S almost dead ahhh” and i have no idea who you were talking about so i went “omg it’s sero,” and you went on this LONG RANT and it was just so funny to me!!! thanks for always putting a smile on my face. and also! thank you so, so much for suggesting that i get curtain bangs, a decision i really don’t regret! i was afraid i was going to hate them, but i find myself looking in the mirror a lot and thinking: “wow, that is a whole different person.” in a good way! so thank you very much. @tokyoghoose

GERE , aka my ex-wife... sorry about that :( . i never got to say sorry for that but the caca bond runs strong, i hope you understand. i just want you to know how much of a kind person you are, and especially how welcoming you are, too. i was so glad to be welcomed so kindly in your server and it’s become one of my favorites to talk in. i also want you to know, that especially with current times, that things will get better and i’m so glad you’re staying positive with everything going on recently. i love you for you, please remember that!!! @t-amajiki

ISSA , omg, girly pop. hahahaha!!! issa, you’re such a genuine person and i remember meeting you for the first time on rircus. you welcomed me with open arms and you were just the kindest person i met on there. you’re someone who’s just so beautiful inside and out, and the way you’re so large and in charge with your feelings is something i really admire about you. i know we don’t talk so often, but i hope we do. i want to thank you for being my friend, and especially always making me laugh! i love you very much, issa! @indigohitoshi

KYLIE , kylie!!!! the co-founder of our son, iwaizumi hajime. this was literally peak popularity and i knew i was never to get as many notifications as i did in that moment. of everyone i could have shared the account with, i am so glad that i was able to do it with you because we were able to grow closer because of that. now we have this weird inside joke that our son gets mad cooch, and that every day we must think of in another life. where are the daily in another life tiktoks??? of course, our son isn’t the only thing i associate with you. you’re such a kind, hilarious, and genuine person, and to be honest, sometimes i really worry for your wellbeing. get some more sleep, kyl!!! you deserve it. i want you to be grucchi, not tired and wanting to die. thank you so, so much for being my friend, and i am so happy that i met you! @peppermintkiddo

TO, LIKE, EVERYONE FROM RIRCUS , the best people i could ever meet. i’m sorry i couldn��t write an individual letter to all of you, since we haven’t interacted so often for me to pick out one specific memory that i could hold and cherish, but know that every time i come on rircus and talk with you, it is a moment that i will always remember! thank you so much for being my friends and i love you all so, so incredibly much. @kaoyuuuuu @reogou @haikyuu-but-low-iq @yooooooooooomi @samdwich @kenmauwus @shirasusgf @macaronnv @king-kawa

TO EVERYONE THAT CONSTANTLY LIKES, REBLOGS, OR COMMENTS ON MY WORK , you know who you are. i know who you are. i can literally tag you right now. but i think i’ll prefer to keep the anonymity. thank you so much for sharing my work, giving me feedback, and everything. it mean so much to me, especially if there’s a comment attached to the reblog. you make me do a little happy dance!!! i love you so much for what you do and i hope you continue to support me in every way possible!

FOR PEOPLE THAT I MISS/PROBABLY WON’T READ THIS

MEL , hi mel! i’m not very sure if you will read this, but i am so happy that i met you and that we began talking. i remember we began talking after i asked for people to send in memes for that meme war against my sister. i told you i won, right? well, i did. ahhaha anyways, i am very sad that we sort of grew apart and i hope that we can begin talking again soon. you were the highlight of my spring semester. i enjoyed talking with you so much. but i hope that you and your family are currently doing well and that you stay happy and healthy! i miss you very much, melon, thank you for being a part of my life!

RAENAH , hi rae! i think meeting you was a blessing, to be honest. i can’t remember a time when i was utterly annoyed by your presence, nor was i ever mad with you. you are such a kind person with such a pure heart, and during your time on tumblr you really showcased it for everyone to see. you were literally with me from literally the very beginning, during the “my name is...” days, and all i can say is that i am blessed to have met you! thank you so much for lighting up my life, talking to me whenever you made the time, and especially playing minecraft with me. it was so fun, even if it was for a short while. i hope you had as much fun as i had! again, thank you so much for supporting, befriending, and getting to know me because i will never forget you on tumblr dot com. i hope you stay well and make sure you rest often, especially with uni! @a-kaashi

MIYU , where has miyu gone? just kidding. i know you’re there. i hope you read this because i don’t want to tag your new blog. anyways, i just want you to know you make my dash ten times better. it’s literally so boring without you spicing it up, with you talking with anons and your mutuals. i definitely think i should invade your inbox more, what do you think? when i was starting on tumblr, you were a very big inspiration to me and i am very proud of all the works you write. you still are someone i look up to as a writer, because you have such a creative spirit and it makes me so happy you’re able to showcase it for everyone to see. i hope you are staying healthy and well right now, and thank you so much for being my friend!

GIGI , poop. i genuinely miss you very much, but i know that school takes a priority for you. i hope you’re doing well with your classes and that you find the man of your dreams. hopefully it is not the skater boy because you deserve someone as insanely hot as kurapika. no cap. i remember during my chrollo pfp guy craze you were there to deter me away from liking him, but let me just tell you, we’re getting closer tbh. ;) . just kidding, we really aren’t, but we’ve been talking quite a bit. i also want to tell you that you’re someone who’s made me smile with everything you say, and i find myself sometimes typing the way you do. you’re an influence, gigi! please stay happy and healthy and make sure you get lots of rest during your time at school! @gigiwrite

MARS , best for last, am i right? i’m not really sure when i first saw you on my blog, but i remember you’ve been here for a very, very long time. i think it was back in july when we first started talking. you were 🦊 anon, and it made me so happy to read that you felt comfortable enough to reveal yourself! from there, i knew we had a bond from the way we interacted with one another. you’re just such a kind person and you show that to everyone you meet. it’s a quality i wish i had in myself and i really look up to you for your genuinity. sometimes i feel like i don’t thank you enough for how kind you are to me, but just know that with every time i talk i’m always grateful that you’re in my life and that i’ve met you. i know you’re someone i can always lean on and i hope you see me the same. thank you so much for being in my life; you’re someone who means a lot to me. @maru5hka

TO BASICALLY EVERYONE HERE

THANK YOU ALL SO MUCH FOR 1K!!!! YOU GUYS ARE AWESOME. i am so grateful for each and every one of you; you guys are so hot and sexy. i am so grateful to have met you all, even if it was just a simple “you’re added to the taglist!” or a “thank you so much!” i count it as you being my friend and you interacting with me. you guys aren’t my followers; you’re my friends. thank you so much for being my friend and being here for all of my weird shenanigans i have up my sleeve, whether it be my meme war against my sister, my obsession for blue lock, and my huge crush on chrollo pfp guy. well, here’s to me for being sappy and here’s to many more!

#sam’s 1k party #no im not doing anything i just wanted to give it a label #discord server maybe

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hasquetzorkukudoneanythingwrong · 3 years

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Quetzal woman: the movie

(Pt. 1)

For ages, humanity depended upon the gods to provide, care for, and guide them. How the gods viewed humanity varied greatly. Some saw humans as pawns, and that their rightful place was under their boot. Other gods cared greatly for humanity, they found joy in helping them. Eventually tho, humanity gained independence from the gods. They developed technology and sciences that lead them to no longer have need for the gods. Many gods hated this, seeing this as the ultimate blasphemy. But others still, found joy in their newfound independence, tho were sorrowful at no longer being needed. Regardless of the feelings, it could not be avoided that the gods were no longer needed, and so the gods shut themselves away, as to not interfere. Even in times where humanity seemed to need their protection again, they would not interfere. Or atleast that's how it should've been...

The mesoamerican goddess, Quetzalcoatl, watched upon the humanity she cherished so much, as they marched onward without her. But in recent times, it seemed like they may have needed her guidance once again.

Quetz: ...humanity is not doing well. Starvation, war, the changing of the climate, corruption, and so on. Many humans have the resources to change it all singlehandedly, but choose not to in favor of hoarding said resources greedily. They need our guidance once more...

Then a mysterious voice spoke up, it was not clear who they were, but what was clear was that they were powerful. More so then even Quetzalcoatl.

Voice: we are not to interfere Quetzalcoatl. Even in their darkest moments, we are to no longer meddle their affairs.

Quetz: they clearly need it!

Voice: you said it yourself, they have the resources to help themselves. Even if those resources are currently in the hands of greedy and selfish individuals, things will eventually take a turn for the better. It has happened before and it shall happen again.

Quetz: I understand what you mean... I'd love for humanity to overcome this hurdle, and reach great new heights. But... they are currently lost. Even a nudge in the right direction would be enough.

Voice: interference is interference. No matter how small.

Quetz: *sigh*

As this went on, Quetzalcoatl noticed something specific in the tropics, near the Caribbean. A lone young man, on an isolated beach, was being attacked by creatures who should no longer have a place without the gods.

Quetz: look upon that island!

Voice: hmm?

The young man was being attacked by sirens. Horrid bird like beasts, that were long lost once the Greek pantheon was no longer needed by their people.

Voice: what!? Sirens?!

Quetz: that young man is being attacked by them! Now can I interfere?!

Voice: hmmm... fine. But this is only because it would seem the Greek pantheon is interfering in mortal affairs themselves. It was only a matter of time.

Quetz: yes!!

Voice: but before you go, make sure they longer interfere in mortal affairs! No matter how long it takes, but once it's done return to the heavens at once. You understand?

Quetz: of course!

Voice: then go! He doesn't have much time!

The the sun goddess left, and went to save the young man.

At the beach.

???: wtf are these things?! Some kind of bird monsters?!

Sirens: *horrendous screeching*

???: I should've brought backup, I'm fucked now since I'm alone!

Then suddenly, a large storm appeared overhead. Lightning struck and thunder roared!

???: wtf!?

Then a huge fireball flew from the clouds, striking the earth near the sirens. The impact left the beasts flying, even injuring them.

???: holy fuck...

The sirens weren't done yet, but they focused their attention on the impact sight instead.

Then, arising from the impact, was Quetzalcoatl.

???: woah... she's... beautiful...

The sirens immediately went to attack her, but were met with tremendous force. Powerful flame attacks, along with lightning and wind aswell. She was a force to be reckoned with.

After the beasts were taken care of, the goddess went over to the young man and offered her hand to get him off the ground.

Quetz: are you ok?

???: yeah... I am now. Are you... a goddess?

Quetz: si, actually. I am!

???: oh... wait! For real?!

Quetz: si! I am the goddess Quetzalcoatl!

???: well... if it wasn't for the lightshow and that monster beat down I wouldn't believe you... that was amazing...

Quetz: gracias! Now I've told you my name, what's yours?

???: oh! Right, my name's Rex! Nice to meet you... Quetzalcoatl...

Quetz: you can just say Quetz, and nice to meet you too Rex!

Rex: Quetz huh...?

Rex: wait a minute, if you're real then, how come we don't hear about you and the rest of the pantheon anymore?

Quetz: because humanity no longer needs gods. So we shut ourselves away. The only interaction anymore is once a human goes to the afterlife.

Rex: oh... I mean, I'm not one to question the choices of gods but... sometimes it feels like we could still use a bit of help...

Quetz: I agree actually, but we aren't supposed to interfere anymore. The only reason I can now, is because it seems others have decided to interfere themselves.

Rex: ah... explains the... birds.

Quetz: right, I need to find out whose involved and put a stop to it, then return.

Rex: oh... how do you plan on doing that?

Quetz: well... I planned to blend in with humanity for the most part, until I can find whoever is responsible.

Rex: oh! OK.

Quetz: um... but I'll need some help doing that... I don't exactly have access to normal human things...

Rex: I can lend a hand...

Quetz: oh really?! I mean, I don't want to impose.

Rex: I insist, you literally saved my life. And you're a literal goddess! It'd feel wrong not to help!

Quetz: gracias! That's so nice!

Rex: of course!

Eventually the two leave for Rex's current living space on the island.

Rex: make yourself at home! It's not much but it'll do...

Quetz: oh... it's not so bad.

Rex: gracias! So... any idea how you're going to start looking for whoever caused those... things to show up?

Quetz: well... the only surefire way is to look out for other signs of divinity. Creatures such as those are a pretty good sign. But I'm note sure where else they'll show up...

Rex: there's also the fact that you can't just bust in and kick their asses like that so easily. It was whatever last time because there were no witnesses other then me but... it'll be crazy to see a woman just... do those things!

Quetz: that's a good point... how do I handle that?

Rex wasn't sure, but then he looked over at a shelf of books nearby, and inspiration struck!

Rex: hold on

Quetz: ok...

Rex went over to the shelf and picked up a comic book, then showed it to the goddess.

Rex: you could be a superhero!

Quetz: eh...? Ques eso?

Rex: these heroes with amazing abilities and colorful costumes! They protect people for good and righteousness and such!

Quetz: oh! That'd be amazing! That's exactly why I'm here so it fits!

Rex: yeah! But we need to make a costume...

Quetz: hmmm...

Rex: oh! I know, back to our homeland! Kinda...

Quetz: eh?

Rex: it's been a while for you, but the people of Mexico have invented a new type of fighting style called lucha libre, it fits the superhero image perfectly! They wear masks, and perform bombastic moves that look like flight! It'd fit you perfectly!

Quetz: wow! That sounds increíble!

Rex: then let's make you a lucha hero!

After an extensive montage of gathering the materials, learning the moves, and practicing a bit, Quetzalcoatl was ready to be a lucha themed superhero! She wore a red leotard, with red boots and gloves, green cape, and a red and gold lucha mask!

Quetz: wow! With this, I feel like a new me!

She said this with much excitement as she floated off the ground.

Rex: I'll say! It's incredible!

She zipped towards Rex, grabbing him by the shoulders, with a grateful look on her face.

Quetz: thank you so much Rex! You've been a big help!

Then without thinking she kissed him as thanks. After she finished tho, she realized what she did and the two got embarrassed.

Quetz: ah... sorry about that...

Rex: no it's... fine... kinda nice actually.

Quetz: really? Well... gracias...

The two stood together awkwardly, before an emergency broadcast was heard on the radio!

Radio: emergency alert! Emergency alert! There seems to be a huge whirlpool in the middle of a highly trafficked fishing spot in the sea, and it appears a large monster is at the center!

Rex: looks like it's time for your debut!

Quetz: looks like it! Let's go!

Then Quetz picked Rex up, ready to take him to the location.

Rex: uh...

Then boom! They were gone!

Meanwhile, in a secret underwater base, a shady old man is discussing his plans with an unseen partner.

Old man: charybdis has been unleashed master, just as you requested.

Master?: excellent! These foolish humans have gone long enough without us gods. soon, with enough sacrifices, I'll regain my full power then they'll see!

Old man: and you shall grant me great power in return for assisting you, right master?

Master?: of course! I always make good on my promises! Just do not screw things up!

Old man: of course not! I am an unparalleled genius! I shall make no mistakes!

Master?: see to it that you don't! Or there will be consequences!

A/N: so! Finally the first part of the movie event rewrite! Took too long, and the event's long since over but here we are! Hopefully I'll finish it off in one more part, but I'm fine with 3 parts! Hope you guys like the story!

Tags

@hasspartacusdoneanythingwrong @haspaulbunyandoneanythingwrong @hasishtardoneanythingwrong @hasereshdoneanythingwrong @grievouslyxorvia @exmeowstic @renmeo @kazosaurus

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jtrbluv · 4 years

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“F 2020!” - TXT

it’s 3:30am and i’m 2 lazy to make a header so here’s yoongi, i promise i have nicer handwriting

wow, i literally have no idea where to start. it’s almost my three year anniversary of being on this hellsite, but i think i can definitely say that 2020 has probably been one of my favorite years by far, and i am really grateful for it. i think 2020 was a year i was able to improve a lot in my writing despite not producing and releasing a lot of content. quarantine finally allowed me to actually sit down and focus on writing more than i ever have before, and shit, it felt good! it finally felt like i was able to write for myself and not just to please others, and it felt so rewarding rawr (•̀ᴗ•́)و

to all my followers, thank you all so so much. each and every single one of you are a huge reason as to why i’m still here and continue to write. all the likes, reblogs, comments, asks, and more mean the absolute world to me and other writers as well. i think as content creators we can all say that we all go back and scroll through all your messages. thank you for continuing to support me and hopefully i can manage to gift more fics to you this year! luv u all so much <33

to all my mutuals, whether we’ve talked once, twice, never, or a lot, thank you so much for letting me into your world! i really appreciate and luv each and every one of you and always enjoy seeing you all around my dash, we love 2 see it!! i wish you all the best and pls never hesitate to talk to me, i’ll always be here through but especially to support you and hype you all up!! >:) <33

i was going to tag people, but i don’t wanna risk missing anyone T-T. hopefully, you all know who you are :)) just know i luv u fr

lastly, here are some sappy ass luv letters to some of you in particular, sry in advance 🥶🥶

@koushiningg - yeah, of course your ass is going first. hey jae bae, bestie 4L, partner-in-crime, the one person who’s read every, and i mean EVERY single one of my fics. it irks me how much you’re always able to write out your feelings towards the people you care about, bc i SUCK at it! so yes, thank you so much for just being you, i’ll write u a sappy long letter for ur grad email but for now, thank u so much for putting up with my dumbass, listening to me ramble abt the ideas i get at the asscrack of dawn, reading my fics, supporting me in everything that i do. i love u sm fr. here is to the year that we’ve been waiting for, 2021. let’s make it our year.

@taehyungieskith - mika bae........ to think that you were still a local this year is so silly to think abt, i still remember us in the 400s and me giving u song recs in the band room GAHAHDHAJ. i love the little book club type shit we be doing, i always love ur recs duh wtf. thank u twin for always hyping up my stuff and thank god u arent on wattpad anymore mhm love u twin jumi #2 fr

@viopera - VIO!!! we’ve met recently but it feels like i’ve known u for awhile now. literally i’m so happy cuz i remember telling u to write fics and u were straight up like “no.” and now here we are RAWR! u should know this by now and u probably do but i will always be ur #1 supporter and eternal beta-reader. i hope you’re feeling better and ily my fav corpse stan and bad bitch!!!!

@bangtans-peaceful-piegon - AHH PIDGE!!! if i can remember correctly, you were one of the first people i actually talked to on the fic hub server and wow you are just the cutest and literal sweetest thing. we clicked so easily and the vibes u give off are just absolutely impeccable. i love u and i’m always here for u !!! <33

@sugacouture - AYO MEI!!! istg we literally just started talking frfr like a couple days ago but it’s like i’ve known u for years, like wtf. we literally have the same humor and vibes and it’s been rly swag talking to u. i am also more than happy to be ur eternal beta-reader and header helper if that wasn’t already clear duh <3 yeah you are so cute and you write so well that it’s unfair. mhm. unfair. *inserts that one taekook photo* love u, i’ll kidnap u and we’ll get boba and pho <3

@dreamystuffers - RACH!!!!!! rach you truly mesmerize me bc you are so freaking multi-talented, it leaves me in awe. i’m so happy you’ve continued to do what you do luv!! i will always be here and supporting u thru whatever u do!!! luv u sm!! <33

@tatastaetae - marria bby! hi!! ik we don’t talk that much but when we do you’re always such a joy to talk to! the range in ur fics is insane and i always love 2 see it! love u sm and i’m always here for u luv (i swear i’ll be more active on servers wjdjsjjds)

@pjmsdior - bella!!! we haven’t talked for that long either but i always love meeting fil moots!!! you are the sweetest thing and just know that i’ll always be here for u if u need anyone to talk to!!! if i was rich, i’d buy us both new phones in a heartbeat bc our phone literally hate us and for WHAT. kk luv u bella mwah <3

@suhdays - MO! oh my i rly do mean it when i say that u have got to be one of the sweetest and most genuine ppl i’ve met so far this year on this hellsite. ty for making me feel so welcome on the discord servers and networks despite me not being super active on there. when i do get money, i do wish to buy from your etsy shop T-T ,, you are literally the best and deserve the world mo, love u !

@jinpanman - mai! hiii!!! i know we don’t talk much but i’d just like to thank u for the sheer kindness and sweetness you’ve always treated me with! on the occasions that we do talk, you are such a sweetheart omg. ur fics are absolutely to die for and ilysm bby <3

@softguks - AHHDHJE LAUR! when i save u best 4 last <3. we’ve honestly barely interacted at all but you are the most sweetest thing ever, you make my heart full!!! i hope we’re able to interact more in the future and that u come back soon!

- ur local laur luvbot

my secret admirer, hi! i’m not sure if you’ll see this or not since i obviously can’t tag u, but i rly do appreciate u and all the messages u send 🥺🥺 sometimes i go back to them and read them over bc they’re actually so sweet and this is my first actual anon interaction rawr ;w; like always, i wish u nothing but the best and pls take care ☀️ anon!!! <3

sending luv and good vibes to all of u for the new year, always <3

— love, jumi (⊃｡•́‿•̀｡)⊃

#happy new year!

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loveyourselfcreatively · 4 years

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Supernatural Finale Rewrite

(Author’s Notes: Regarding the finale, that was a lot and there was a lot I would have done differently. Although this isn’t perfect by any means, it’s what I would have liked and most expected from the finale. Hope you all enjoy and are feeling alright!)

Dean’s eyes opened when the sound of his alarm clock stabbed through the veil of sleep he was enjoying. Mechanically, he turned it off and sat up against the headboard, taking a deep breath and stewing on the events of the day prior. For once, he didn’t feel a weight over his shoulders. He didn’t feel like he was playing to someone else’s narrative. This was his first day of free will in his entire life and he felt faintly content about that fact, smiling to himself before his attention was trained upon Miracle. He lifted her up onto the bed and wrapped his arms around the fluffy and recently groomed canine, calmly rocking with her clasped in his arms. Sam was surprised by his affection for the dog but she was important to Dean and he was happy to have her in his corner when he began life without God’s dictation.

After doing his morning routine smoothly, with Miracle by his side, he got to the kitchen, following the tell-tale smell of Sam’s breakfast. He watched his brother use the spatula to unstick the turkey bacon from the skillet, Eileen directly behind him with her arms wrapped around his waist affectionately. She stood on her toes and was able to kiss Sam’s cheek as he smiled similar to how he used to when Dean would tease him about having crushes on girls. They were lucky to have Eileen again. Dean remembered Sam’s attempts to be strong throughout their days of being alone on Earth, eyes on getting people back and having Eileen again. When everyone came back and Eileen showed up at the bunker door, Sam very nearly cried and Dean was just as happy as Sam was relieved.

Although it wasn’t explicitly stated as they drove to investigate the case in Ohio, it felt like one of the last rides. This scared Dean but he also forced himself to accept it. Sam was holding Eileen’s hand even though she was in the back seat and stared out the window at passing trees, fantasizing with a hopeful demeanor. It wasn’t dissimilar to when Sam was getting to be a teenager and looked out the window, secretly fantasizing about going to college but keeping that fact to himself given Dean and John at the time were not very supportive of that idea. Dean was ready to hear this time and with that thought in mind, he stopped looking towards him and focused back on the road, sharing a knowing glance with Eileen, who understood Sam now had his mind on bigger things, in the rearview.

After fighting the vampires and saving those boys, that air of finality was nearly impossible to shake. Dean would have died if Eileen wasn’t there to tag-team the larger vampire with him and he was grateful for her presence. Still, a close-call was a close-call and Sam and Dean realized in that moment that recklessness was a bad practice to have now that God wasn’t protecting them for the sake of a good narrative. Not long after, only weeks following actually, Sam stood in the doorway of Dean’s room following a nice dinner of his own making. He spent hours on it and stewed over it like the day was some kind of occasion, and it was.

Dean was laying on his stomach on the bed, flicking through news stories on his tablet with Miracle curled up by his side unbothered. He glanced up from the tablet and placed it down when he saw the look on Sam’s face. He was struggling with something, brows furrowed but also tilted up with his lips pressed in a thin straight line. Dean wouldn’t prompt him, the words that would soon leave Sam’s lips were his to share. With a shuddering breath, Sam finally said what he wanted.

“Eileen and I, we uh,” he clears his throat and looks away from Dean to the corner of the room. Dean smiled knowingly to himself but remained silent, looking down at the bed spread and scratching at Miracle’s ear as he waited. “We were wanting to go on our own trip, for a while.”

Sam expected a response from Dean, eyes softened with fearful expectation, but he got nothing. The silence wasn’t bad or uncomfortable so he clarified.

“You knew I couldn’t do this so seriously forever,” he chuckles weakly, “she and I will continue of course, can’t forget hunting, but we want to try to move on. Even though she and I�� you and I, will never be normal, it’s always been something I’ve wanted to try and I couldn’t comfortably do that the last few times, when you were gone. So, I think now’s the time to…” he scoffs in realization of what he was about to say, squinting his eyes and looking down, “move on I guess?” he laughs out abortively.

Dean finally nods and looks up to his brother, waiting until Sam looked him in the eyes to speak. “I think that’s a good idea, Sammy.”

Sam stood dumbfounded for a moment, not wholly surprised by Dean’s reaction but expecting more.

“It’s what you’ve always wanted and there’s no one here that has as much power to convince you otherwise but yourself.”

A weak but heartfelt smile crossed Sam’s face. “What are you going to do?”

“I’ll take up that question on the daily,” he mumbles thoughtfully, “and eventually I’ll figure it out.” Looking up at Sam, he was happy to see he accepted the answer with a nod.

Sam and Dean didn’t talk as much as either would have wanted in the months following Sam and Eileen taking their leave from the bunker. Eileen, as they were planning on passing through Kansas on a casual hunt that interrupted the domesticity they enjoyed prior, suggested they drop by briefly to see how Dean was doing. Sam was happy she suggested it as he wouldn’t have attempted to otherwise, even though he secretly wanted to. When they got there, Baby was nowhere to be seen but Sam disregarded that. He asked if Eileen wanted to join him but she insisted their reunion was to be had between one another and that she’d join him soon enough prompting Sam to enter the dark bunker.

His brows furrowed as he turned on the lights and looked around, finding his own barren room and eventually finding Dean’s, although, it didn’t look like Deans. None of his stuff was there any longer and it seemed as though the only remnants of anyone being there in the first place was the scratching on the table in the main room and the very faint, concerning smell of smoke that permeated throughout the bunker. Not long after scoping out the place, he called Dean’s main phone, making his way out as he did so. Eileen was confused and waited for Sam to fill her in on why Dean didn’t join him but relaxed when Sam’s demeanor relaxed as well; the call was picked up.

“Hiya, Sammy, how are you and Eileen?” he said with a smile in his tone.

“Are you on a hunt?” Sam asked even though he was aware Dean’s lack of belongings at

the bunker implied more than a simple hunt.

Dean picked at his fries and ate another, waving off a waitress politely before she could ask if he was enjoying his meal. He was sitting on the outside patio of a diner with Miracle by his side. “I’m not actually.”

Bated silence was all that could be heard on Sam’s end.

“I thought about what you said, about moving on, and I thought I’d give it a try. Still hunting but I’m doing what I want, I guess,” he chuckles, coming off as genuinely happy, “that’s all we can really do, huh? So I’m giving it a try.”

“You’re not hunting anymore?”

“Woah woah woah, of course I’m still hunting, I’m just not… well… it’s whatever comes to me.” Dean thought of his words and frowned, the part of his father in him reminding him he was selfish for not spending every waking hour hunting. “Does that make me selfish, Sam?” he asked in a moment of clarity.

Eileen watched Sam intently, garnering an understanding from their interactions based on Sam’s facial expressions and words. His eyes were wide but sparkly in happiness, mouth opened and twitching as though he wanted to say something. His brows raised up suddenly and she instantly recognized a powerful “no” leaving his lips. He was happy despite his admonishment, and so was she. Dean, likely, had left for good, and she was happy for what that meant for the both of them.

Sam had an air about him following that interaction. He was happy and spoke to Dean often. In his childhood and adulthood he always feared one of them would die too young to see the other grow old. If that didn’t happen, he was sure they would have a large fight and never make up, but they remained close despite those predictions. Dean was there for nearly every Christmas and Thanksgiving that followed the phone call, even though he said it was only for the food. Dean hadn’t been the only one to join Sam and Eileen during the holidays at their home, of course.

Jody, with Donna and the girls, joined often and teased the boys for their old age every year and Dean remained close with Claire following his absence from the bunker. Sam didn’t think to think too much about it but, more times than not, when Dean visited Sam casually, Claire was in tow, always eager to join him on hunts and growing into a capable young woman with a penchant for medicine. That fact reassured Sam that Dean was not likely to be lost with her beside him during hunts.

Miracle’s passing was followed up by Sam and Eileen having a baby girl. Sam and Dean’s makeshift family followed the latter journey every step of the way. Charlie had been excited to have her own as well so it wasn’t abnormal to see her drop by and ask Eileen how she's feeling and if she had any advice to give if Charlie wanted to have one of her own with her girlfriend by her side. Eileen was more than happy to oblige and answer those questions for her.

When she was born, the waiting room was flooded with over forty hunters from their universe and the apocalypse universe that no longer existed. Mary was calm and mild mannered like both of her parents. She would likely be just as smart as her parents and Dean never hesitated to let her know that when he visited them for the holidays following.

By the time Mary was seven, Charlie had a baby of her own and proudly showed him off to the group of hunters and friends that joined the Thanksgiving celebration that year. Mary, eager, asked her dad when Uncle Dean would be coming and Sam insisted she had to be patient, which she desperately attempted to do. All her suppression of excitement during the hours of waiting for her uncle resulted in an explosion of squeals when Dean entered and scooped her up playfully. Funnily enough, everyone predicting she would be calm and mild-mannered was negated by her favorite uncle’s brash nature.

“There’s my girl!” he spoke excitedly and groans as he tries to lift her up as high as he would have normally but he got about halfway before placing her down on the ground and smirking at her. “You’re getting to be just as tall as your daddy, huh?”

Sam scoffed and rolled his eyes before they focused in on a larger box Dean had stuck into his bag with a pink bow. “What’s that, Dean?”

“Huh? Oh, this?” he whips out the box and smirks down at Mary, “I don’t know, Mary, what do YOU think this is?”

“It’s a Christmas present!”

“Yep, needed to get this to your daddy early, you still need to wait a month though.”

She groaned but accepted the situation before smiling and running off to dote over Aunt Charlie’s baby.

Dean walked up to Sam and handed him the gift, eyes bright as he looked over the individuals in the room. Sam spoke, still looking down at the box in his hands.

“This mean you won't be coming over for Christmas?”

Dean glanced back towards the gift thoughtfully before looking towards Sam. “You know I hate to miss Christmas, giving it to you early just in case. Have a few cases on the roster that I’m considering and if any of them bleed into Christmas, I wanted Mary to at least get a gift from me, you know?”

“Not working yourself silly?”

“Nah, just doing all the good I can manage. I’m human, after all,” Dean says with a smile.

Sam was happy for the words but frowned as he figured Dean would have had a wife by that point if he wasn’t actually working himself silly. Was Dean lying to him? It was something Sam had been concerned about since Mary turned three but opted to be more patient with Dean than anything. Patience was what he deserved.

Sam, sitting at the table with everyone in tow, happily reflected on the memory of his Dean witnessed years ago: sitting with another family during the holidays enjoying their food and the family life he couldn’t relate to at the time. This Thanksgiving wasn’t unlike any of the others and Sam reflected on that memory and the life he made for himself often. Dean and Sam met stares like they did every other Thanksgiving when they truly realized how lucky they were until it got to the end of the night when the kids were tired and the adults were respectfully tipsy.

As everyone chatted following dinner, Sam couldn’t help but notice his brother was missing from the festivities. Mary had been settled so it wouldn’t have been unsurprising for Dean to lose interest and find a chair to sleep on but Sam still couldn’t find him. Finally, he caught the image of his brother leaning over the fencing on the back porch, beer bottle in hand as he looked over the dark field ahead. The view provided nothing crazy aside from the decent sight of the stars up above.

Sam joined him and stared ahead, words, unspoken, behind his closed lips as he stewed in the silence. He glanced behind him towards the group of friends, partially obscured, and his gorgeous wife, and used that for fuel for the statement he’d been keeping to himself for a few years at that point. “You ever plan on settling down like this? Have a wife and kids? Is that on your mind at all?” Sam’s eyes were softened with concern towards his brother. He noted that Jody had been right about the years never ceasing to pass. While he himself had greying hairs on his temples, Dean’s hair now took on a dull brown look, fading rather than greying. His wrinkles were deepening as well but not in a way Sam disliked. His frown lines remained how they always were but his crows feet were extra defined. Despite Sam’s worries, Dean was a happy man.

Those crows feet only deepened when his question prompted a smile from Dean. He had been still during the silence but his hand flexed around the neck of the beer bottle as he looked down and thought up a viable answer for his worried brother. “May not be what you wanted for yourself but I like how things are for me right now. It’s not normal but it's humble and unpredictable without being dangerous. Best of what you and I wanted for me if I ever got this far,” he laughs out.

Sam let out his own abortive laugh with softened eyes. Dean was privy to visits and was with Claire a lot but surely he couldn’t be happy without a partner and children of his own, right? Almost as though Dean read his mind, he continued.

“I wouldn’t mind having a kid though, if I ever feel I’m ready for it but…” he sighs softly, eyes bright, “Claire is good.”

“You see Claire as your kid?” Sam spoke softly and acceptingly.

Dean nods, “yeah, I think I do,” he chuckles almost in disbelief, “she, uh…” he tried and failed to stifle a smile, “she called me dad on a phone a few months ago and uh… I don’t know, man, it just felt right.”

Sam noticed Dean’s eyes were wet with sentimentality and nodded, eyes growing calm as he remembered watching her grow following Cass taking her father’s vessel. Sam’s eyes softened as he thought about the angel but didn’t speak of him.

Dean swallowed down his emotions and continued despite his better judgement. Sam gave off an air of openness that Dean finally decided he was willing to adhere to.

“I never told you what happened before Cass died, did I?”

Sam’s eyes widened and looked towards Dean eagerly.

Dean recognized his eagerness and faintly felt bad that he kept Sam in the dark in all the years he spent coping. Some part of him had hoped he could have Cass himself explain. Clearing his throat and nodding to himself for hype, he explained.

“Cass sacrificed himself so the Empty could come take Death away, you know that but… Well.” Dean warily looked towards Sam.

Sam responded with a patient look and Dean regained his confidence.

“Cas made some kind of deal with the Empty at some point, don’t know when. He told me the deal was when he became happy, he’d be taken away.”

Sam’s brows furrowed, not understanding where this was going.

Dean cleared his throat again, now gripping the neck of his beer bottle and staring as deeply into the dark as he could, attempting to place himself as far away from the house as he could manage subconsciously. “He told me he loved me, Sammy.”

Sam’s mouth gaped.

“He,” Dean took a deep shuddering breath, unable to stand still as he dropped his thousand yard stare and hung his head, momentarily overwhelmed with the confession, “he told me loved me and that that was good enough. That he was happiest being honest with me about it, and then he…”

Sam now understood and placed a hand on his brother’s shoulder as if he was telling him he didn’t have to explain what happened after.

“Sammy?” his voice was hoarse and surprisingly fearful but overwhelmingly vulnerable. Sam felt like Dean was a kid again but this was different because Dean never allowed Sam to console him, that was always Dean’s job.

“Yeah, Dean?”

Dean was now white knuckling the bottle as he shuddered. “Sammy, I think I loved him too,” he choked out painfully and raised his head, eyes wet as he looked up at the stars in hopes that the tears would cease. He placed the bottle on the raising so he could use his free hand to cover his eyes and rub the evidence of hurt from his face

Sam didn’t see much but he saw Dean’s face flush and mouth tense as he tried to stifle the sobs that threatened to spill from his mouth and gave in, using the hand on his shoulder to drag him into a powerful hug, silent because all Dean needed in that moment was comfort. Eventually, Dean gained the ability to speak in a way that was understandable, breaths evening.

“I tried so hard to get him back.”

Sam pulled away slightly to scrutinize him, willing to serve disappointment if Dean’s words meant he would have been willing to sacrifice himself again. Dean responded by nodding his head no.

“After you left, I spent those months looking for anything. I wouldn’t summon the Empty but I just wanted to know if he was there. I wanted to talk to him but nothing worked, Sam.”

Sam recalled the smell of smoke in the bunker when he got there to look for Dean after he left and he realized.

“I just wanted to know if he was there but it was like,” Dean froze in the middle of his sentence, remembering sitting on the dock with a line in front of him and Cass by his side. He squeezed his eyes shut to compose himself before going on, “it was like I was casting a line with bait that could only get the attention of one fish but hours would pass and days would pass and nothing ever bit. It was like Cass wasn’t there at all, Sam. And I was so…” he stops himself briefly but continues, “I wasn’t really okay with it until I thought that, even though Cas was gone for good, he would want me to use that free will I worked so hard for and he would want me to live for myself and do what I wanted.”

Sam was crying calmly, a tear streaking down his slightly aged face occasionally as Dean spoke.

“I don’t think I’m ever going to feel the way I realized I felt about Cass for someone else but I’m okay with that, Sam,” he speaks, looking into Sam’s eyes and cupping his cheek, “I’ll be okay.”

Sam scoffed out a laugh through his tears as he nodded and accepted the comfort.

“I’ll be okay because,” he looked down, gathering the words in his mind before speaking them out to the world, “happiness isn’t just in the having, it’s in the being and feeling.”

Sam couldn’t stop himself from thinking back to all the times he admonished Dean for his loyalty to Cass, for his anger directed at Cass that was mostly fueled by disappointment rooted in love, all the arguments they had that he involved himself in, and suddenly his jokes back then weren’t all jokes.

Dean begins genuinely crying and glances back towards the window and into the warm house. Eileen was peeking around the corner curiously but Dean feigned a smile for her before looking back at his brother. “You have something so good.”

Sam smiled and nodded, squeezing his eyes shut as he did so before once again meeting his big brother’s eyes.

“It’s something you built for yourself and I’m so damned proud of you, Sam,” he lovingly used the hand against his cheek to shake his head about playfully, “my baby brother.”

Sam lets out a wet laugh as he allows Dean to lead them into pressing their foreheads together. Both brother’s realized that was likely the last time Dean would tell Sam he was proud of him, not because he would be disappointed later, but because he achieved his ultimate happiness with Eileen and the family he and Dean built together.

“Are you expecting anyone?”

Bobby was shaken from his trance as he stared ahead at the world Jack built for them. He enjoyed having John, Mary, and his other friends nearby nearly as much as he enjoyed stewing in the calmness. Sitting on the porch and enjoying stillness was something he did on Earth and would continue to do throughout the afterlife.

“Hopefully not anytime soon.”

An awkward silence was the response and Bobby realized the man misinterpreted his words, “I meant anyone that’s not here already, you jackass,” he chuckles out affectionately, patting the chair and handing the man a beer when he joins him.

Cass scrutinized the bottle before tipping the liquid into his mouth and joining Bobby in the bliss of commonality despite not being fond of the taste. “Do you think they’ll like it here?”

“They’ll love it but they better not get here too soon.”

Cass looked towards Bobby with a warm, calm smile and nodded in agreement, looking back ahead at the gorgeous expanse before them.

#supernatural #supernatural finale #spn 15x21 #supernatural 15x21 #supernatural fix-it #supernatural fanfiction #destiel #saileen #dean x castiel #sam x eileen

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vvakarians · 4 years

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I need to be vulnerable for a second.

It’s been a year. I’ve made a lot of progress and am still uprooting shit I’ve been wading in for a while now. I’m growing and learning. But I’ve never gone into detail really, maybe on twitter and mentioned it a couple times but yeah. Been thinking a lot.

TW for Homophobia / Abuse

TLDR; My best friend was a shitlord and I spent ten minutes painfully sobbing about it. I’m fine lmao just needed to make a messy post.

Won’t be mentioning who they were on SM here but if mutuals who are and were friends w/ both of us want to know, hmu lmao. I sincerely hope y’all didn’t get shit on like I did

I’m so tired. I’m tired of knowing that someone I used to call my best friend literally cyberstalked me in a discord server and when I told them I wanted to have a space without them/wouldn’t be interacting with their character, they lost it.

I’ll call this person A. They were there for me through a lot but it got weird towards the end for sure. A was always clingy, always needed to be right (passed it off as an OCD thing), and always felt like they needed to be included in things I was doing. Abandonment issues due to trauma they said, still doesn’t excuse it but you know? Fine.

I identified as aro/ace for a long time bc I was severely traumatized. Someone thirst followed me and cornered me into a relationship/took my kindness for granted (Not A, not yet). A’s reaction was to assume I would never have time for them and we would drift apart, just because I had a partner. They complained about this to me and said that even if I was just their friend and QPP (we were both aro/ace) that they still felt I would abandon them. I tried to calm them down the entire time, this was October 2018. Three days later I had a severe PTSD break (unrelated trauma) and broke up with my ‘boyfriend’. A said it was the right decision and we left it at that.

Cut to me a year later having recovered a bit and realizing I had romantic feelings still. That I *wanted* to kiss and take someone out, and do heavily romantic things. During this time A and I had severe issues with D&D parties also where they would break down if they didn’t know everything and said that I couldn’t produce any part of my worlds for profit bc theh had contributed in a small way. It was a bad time. It lead to the complete disintegration of two relationships that I can...probably never get back. One of which I’m not sure I *want* back, but that’s a different story.

Basically they wanted to be the DM with half the credit despite only making npcs I could easily replace or cut out entirely. Now that I started playing again, I have.

I still was friends with them, still waveringly QPP’s with them. Though I’d often feel my skin crawl when they touched me or wanted to be in my space. This was all the time, not when I got triggered into a PTSD episode. I was annoyed when they wanted to always be in my space and have all my attention. But I felt obligated to A and had been recently traumatized again.

Even with all of this I wanted to come out as gay / mlm but still keep part of my aceness with me. Of course in feeling this, I approached A to let them know. Their response was to immediately come back with ‘we can do all of those things you want to do with a romantic partner’. Which I felt may be true for some aspecs but not me. I wanted to *be* with someone and not just...a friend. I wanted to have a boyfriend and be cheesy. I told A that it was probably true but I wanted something else. That I wanted space to think on what they had said. They came back with ‘you’re abandoning me. You just don’t like me. Everyone always leaves me’. Once again with the ‘you get a bf you’ll forget I exist’ rhetoric 🙃.

I told them that they weren’t the person I wanted to be romantic with. I was looking for someone else. I wasn’t attracted to them that way. They took that as an insult. Though to me they relented. Come to find out A got one of our mutual friends involved bc they lived in the same area. They vented and complained to them that I was going to abandon them, that I was punishing them, that they didn’t know what they did wrong. Which was behavior my parents exhibited when I was forced out as trans to them. That Inwas punishing them somehow for a misdeed or that they knew me better, they did something ‘wrong’.

The only outlet I had away from A was TikTok, we weren’t really doing D&D anymore because the party had dissolved due to their controlling habits. Every account I had was heavily monitored by A, I would vent and they would immediately pull it up and ask if I was okay. Even if I had explicitly said before that I was alright and needed some space. But TikTok was a place they barely went on. So I cosplayed more after our last visit (October 2019), and got a small following after joining a lovely d&d tag ran by one of my now closest friends. I also met my boyfriend through this tag, and several other very close friends. I made an oc that I integrated in one or two sessions of D&D before I completely stopped DMing.

Now, it gets worse. I get a following for cosplaying my oc Asariel Whately, join a server, and for a time have a pretty okay place away from A. Some breathing room. When I mentioned that Asariel (who we had talked about maybe being w/ an oc of theirs) was going to romance my now boyfriends oc in the tag, they got upset. They said that they were sad to see them with someone else, and asked if it could all be before my campaign/not actually be real. I told them no and that I’d continue doing what I wanted.

Well, after that and scouring my TikTok (i made the mistake of saying anything in the first place), they got invited to the server and started RPing/cosplaying in the tag. Which they’re allowed to do, but A has a history of wanting to be in my things and being the center of attention. When I say A got involved with *several* other characters, including a possible *minor*, that doesn’t even cover the worst of it. They got involved in a huge polyam relationship (which is fine, i’ll explain why their behavior was weird tho) that LITERALLY took up chunks of the whole server. Any time my bf and I got into chat to rp out some scene for Asariel and Fraanic, A was there to bury our scene in their own garbage. Could have been conicidence but who knows. Then the minor got added into the mix and most of us just had the server on mute/rped in DMs. It was so bad that other people noticed their bad behavior, meta gaming, and needing to be right.

Our relationship ended when someone from a private close knit server made up of all the people who wanted to remove ourselves from the toxic environment, outed our server. Said there was an nsfw server and A immediately jumped to say they wanted an invite. I panicked and DMed them for the first time in weeks to say that they couldn’t. That I needed space from them and this was the one place I had. We had a fight, they said ‘they’re my friends too’ and I pointed out that they had forced their way in, that I said I needed space. Eventually they gave up on it, thank god. But it left me wrecked for months. I didn’t create, I retreated into a two person server with my best friend who is now my boyfriend and just never looked back.

While I’m grateful that this massive upheaval gave me a new support network, got me into a good place for a romantic partnership, and allowed me to heal...I still have a lot of pain. I felt like I had been commodiefied, like an object because of how kind and soft and pliable I was. Because someone thought I was beautiful and *theirs* in the worst way. My ocs who are some of my largest coping mechanisms were tainted, I could barely play Dragon Age, couldn’t think about it. Because someone had conpletely obliterated my love for it. I hate to think they then continued to do that same thing to other people but I honestly have no clue what A is doing now. They dropped off the planet and honestly good riddance.

#i dont even know what to tag this as #personal #idk my person tags change a lot #tw homophobia #tw abuse

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yet-another-saberface · 4 years

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Story Headcanons: Orleans (Prelude - Section 2)

This was actually very interesting for me to write, since as I went on, I found more and more that it felt natural for Eva to be passive. At first I wasn’t sure why this felt so right, until I realized that I was having Eva dissociate herself from the present circumstances. While this isn’t a fic - so you don’t really have access to every thought going through her head, I hope that that comes across in this, even though I don’t have much personal experience with dissociation caused by past trauma.

That said, this is a relatively slow start a singularity, but I hope you guys enjoy it! I got it done a lot faster than expected, but I can’t say for sure when the next part will be done... Let’s just get to it!

Prelude

We should all be thankful that it is Fou who has taken it upon itself to wake Eva up, because if it was literally anyone else, she would likely be having a minor panic attack once again. After all, dreaming of evil Servants and people being burned alive is… Unnerving, to say the least. But she wakes up to Fou, meaning that Eva immediately tucks every disturbing theory about that dream away for later in favor of thinking about how damn adorable Fou is.

When Mash comes in, she’s surprised that Eva says she slept really well. While that’s not entirely true, since Eva was having to put up with what she’s classified for the moment as nightmares, she did go to sleep and wake up at reasonable hours for once, which is unusual. When Mash remarks that she’s glad Eva is finally getting sleep, Eva merely responds by saying that anyone with half a brain would sleep the night before they’re supposed to time travel to save the world.

Unlike many other times Eva’s had to sit through explanations, she pays extremely close attention to the entire briefing, wanting to make sure she doesn’t miss a word. She may be a theory expert, and she may have interrogated everyone she could about how Chaldea’s systems work, but there’s still room for her to screw everything up. Lucky for her, the rules around travelling to the singularities are a lot looser than normal rules for time travel that have been proposed in theory - this is because singularities will dissipate after you take away the source, which in this case is the Grail. Knowing that, Eva takes that as a permit to do whatever the hell she needs to so long as she gets the Grail out, which takes quite a bit of weight off her shoulders. Now she doesn’t have to worry about accidentally killing someone that needed to live in order for all of human history to proceed as normal.

She’s a bit concerned at the prospect of having to summon within the singularity - since there might not be catalysts, and she might be forced to do a normal summoning again - but she’s assured that if the summoning circle is properly established, she should be able to tap into the FATE system as smoothly as she does at Chaldea. Upon learning this, that concern promptly vanishes. Eva returns to being all determination.

We’re actually going to assume that Eva had been introduced to Da Vinci before this moment, since on our timeline it’s been at least a week or two in between singularities, and Eva spent a good few days of that time in the command room, not sleeping. There’s no way she hasn’t met Da Vinci yet. She accepted Da Vinci’s physical appearance really quickly, especially after hearing the reasoning behind it. To her, it makes perfect sense that a Heroic Spirit, given the chance, would choose their ideal appearance as their form when summoned. Also, for our purposes, we will be using female pronouns for Da Vinci. (I reblogged a post about trans characters in Fate recently that offers a basic explanation of why I will stay firm in this decision.)

She’s very grateful to actually have a coffin for rayshifting this time, to say the least. The last thing she wants is for there to be a mishap and for her to die in the process. So she hops in there without hesitation and and rayshifts away to save humanity.

Section 1: Land of the Hundred Years’ War

This time, Eva’s reaction upon safely rayshifting is not to panic. She’s once again glad to find that Fou tagged along - even if it means having one more life to protect along the way. And she’s very grateful that it appears they’ve landed in a very peaceful area this time - the seemingly endless rolling fields is a welcome change from everything being on fire. It doesn’t hurt to breathe, the breeze makes sure that the sunlight won’t cause her to overheat, the sky is gorgeou- The sky.

And… There’s a big ring of light in the sky. That’s not normal. However, without concrete proof on what it is, she can’t even begin to try to trace it back to anything she already knows about. Even Roman admits that he doesn’t have any real idea, which isn’t very helpful.

There it is again. She’s forgetting something. If she could just remember it she’d know what’s going on. But she can’t remember… Why can’t she just remember?

She does her best to not focus on how annoying that is, snapping back to the moment as she and Mash begin the trek towards the nearest civilization… If there is any. Fortunately, they do run into what appear to be humans - French soldiers, to be exact. She’s glad that there are humans this time around, but still warns Mash about trying to interact with them at all. They don’t know what’s going on here yet. And they don’t exactly look like they’re of the era. There’s a fairly high chance that they won’t be able to negotiate.

Sure enough, they end up having to fight them. Eva is already sick of this. It clearly wasn’t that we aren’t speaking French. We should have just avoided them in the first place. I told you we should have just not tried to approach them…

Of course, she does make sure to check in with Mash after they get out of there, since every fight leaves both of them at risk of further injury. She was fortunate enough this time to not have to do anything that put her at risk… But the same can’t be said for Mash. Things seem to be okay, though.

Why the hell would they think following them is a good idea? They just fought them. That’s a horrible idea. But she’s also not in charge, so the least she can do is follow orders and try to mitigate potential damage.

Section 2: Chase the French Soldier

Upon reaching the fort, the sheer amount of injured immediately sends Eva’s mind into overdrive. The war is supposed to be having a respite at the moment. Yes, the possibility of there still being skirmishes is still there, as Mash points out, but this doesn’t look like the result of skirmishes. Skirmishes leave people with mostly minor injuries that’ll heal, at worst, in a month or two, given the time period. Maybe some people get major injuries. Skirmishes don’t leave a fort crippled like this. Skirmishes don’t put soldiers on such high alert that they attack the second there’s even a tiny chance of a possible threat. Yes, she and Mash look strange, but they weren’t displaying hostile behavior. If the war was truly in respite… Wait. What if the war isn’t in respite?

Lucky for them, the soldiers don’t attempt to attack this time around, and her theory is confirmed, be it while bringing in another complication. There was no peace treaty, and therefore no respite. But that’s because the king got killed by evil Jeanne d’Arc. While England having retreated is good - less enemies to deal with - she starts worrying very intensely upon hearing all of this. She knew history would be screwed with but this is more than that. This is history being warped so badly that it’s almost unrecognizable.

And then there’s another attack, seemingly out of nowhere. Great. At least they didn’t provoke this one. And oh great more skeletons look at that. Kill those, make sure everyone’s okay, done. How many times is she going to have to do this? At least fighting actual servants is well… Interesting. Dangerous, but it requires a lot more thought than just bashing piles of bones.

Eva is actually somewhat skeptic about the Jeanne situation. Her coming back from the dead is something she can believe, after all, Servants exist. But for her to come back and actively attack France? That just doesn’t seem right. Heroic Spirits record heroes at their best, or what they’re remembered for. Jeanne is remembered as a saint, as a savior of France. It doesn’t add up. And then there’s the change in physical appearance the soldier mentions… It could be linked back to it, but it could also be a dead giveaway that this isn’t actually Jeanne, but rather someone posing as Jeanne. Or Jeanne was corrupted in some way, like what happened in Fuyuki. But the circumstances here seem very different, so that’s less likely.

It doesn’t matter what the truth is, all of those are bad, and they need to save France regardless of which it turns out to be.

And then there’s the wyverns. Those… Should not be there. So let’s make them not there. At least they aren’t skeletons. Of course… They fly. That’ll make things difficult. But she can manage-

And oh great another person showed up. Not a person. A Servant. On their side. Well that certainly happened faster than last time. The stress Eva’s was feeling dies down a little at the prospect of more allies. This is a bad situation, but at least something good has happened.

And then the fight actually starts. It’s… Surprisingly short. Between the soldiers, Mash, and the other Servant, she barely has to do anything other than give orders and heal the wounds afterwards. She doesn’t know how to feel about that. Either those wyverns weren’t all they were cracked up to be, or Mash is just stronger and better prepared than she was in Fuyuki. She’d like to think it’s the second option.

Mash gets her to genuinely giggle with the mention of attacking Roman as revenge for the sweets. It’s funny to think about but well… Probably not the best idea. She might laugh, but she’ll also be sure to tell Mash that she doesn’t think it’s necessary. Of course, if Mash wants to take it upon herself… She’s free to do so, provided she doesn’t kill Chaldea’s director.

And look at that it’s Jeanne. At this point Eva really doesn’t feel like she’s… You know. There. She feels like her body is there, but mentally, she’s not. She’s not back at Chaldea either. She’s not back in the normal world. Her mind is just… Observing. It all feels foggy, like she’s drifting in a void, and just going along with what other people say because she doesn’t feel like fighting back. She doesn’t feel like being there. The last time she was there, she got hurt. The last time she really fought, it only made things worse. There’s no harm to going with Jeanne. She doesn’t seem hostile right now. It’s the only lead they have.

We’ve got tags!

@contractgreen @panyum @withanina @campanulabell @delfinaschiffer @princessaslan @armageddon25 @patproductions @xviicprc @eldritch-flowers @rankeluck @areeta9 @bitter–edge @uncommoncritter @blackcherrybombbomb @bluefiren7 @dtgvxg @velkiibo

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superlinguo · 5 years

Text

Linguistics Jobs: Interview with a Product Manager

A lot of tech people I know say “the best skill a programmer can have is knowing how to look up the right answer on Stack Exchange” It’s one of those websites that people use every day, but perhaps without thinking about how it gets built. Megan Risdal is one of the people who make Stack Overflow happen, as a Product Manager leading Public Q&A. As Megan mentions below, there’s even a Linguistics Stack Exchange (you might just see some old answers from me there). Megan has not only forged a career for herself in tech, she helps demystify the industry for other linguists who might follow in her footsteps, on Twitter (@MeganRisdal) and her blog.

What did you study at university?

My undergraduate degree is in Psychology from the University of Wisconsin, Eau Claire where my interests were in individual differences. I also did a minor in French and this is where I first learned about linguistics as a field of study. My combined interests in language and individual differences psychology led me to completing a senior thesis project on variation in attitudes towards linguistic diversity. Just last year this work was published with my then advisor, Dr. Erica Benson, as a chapter in Language Regard: Methods, Variation, and Change.

From here, I did a Master's degree in Sociolinguistics at North Carolina State University. Building on my statistics background from studying psychology, I dove deeper into quantitative methods, learning R along the way, while focusing on sociophonetics and laboratory phonology. For my capstone project, I measured articulatory (ultrasound tongue imaging), aerodynamic, (nasal/oral airflow), and acoustic variation in coarticulatory vowel nasalization strategies among Anglo-American and African American (Vernacular) English speakers.

Finally, I started a PhD at UCLA where I intended to continue studying laboratory phonology. I only ended up finishing one year which was spent on theoretical foundations, articulatory phonetics, and learnability before leaving with a second Master's degree in Linguistics. I ended up deciding to leave academia because I was disillusioned already with the prospect of the job market and the limited potential for my work to have impact beyond academia. I made my mind up when I applied for a job at Google and got an interview. I ultimately failed, but this was enough for me to feel confident my resume was "good enough" (completely incidentally I ended up later getting hired and working at Google for a couple of years prior to my current role).

What is your job?

For the past six months I've been working as a Product Manager at Stack Overflow where I lead the team working on public Q&A. If you're not familiar with Stack Overflow, it's a site where anyone who codes can come to find answers to their programming questions. We also have the Stack Exchange network which has similar Q&A sites for other topics like cooking and anime. There's even a Linguistics Stack Exchange site.

In my day-to-day, as a product manager, I work closely with our developers, designers, researchers, data scientists, community managers, marketing, and leadership. So, it's a lot of meetings and a lot of Google Docs. My job entails taking many, many inputs and synthesizing them into a strategy and product roadmap that the team executes on to make Stack Overflow a more useful, engaging place for all developers. On a given day, you could catch me writing a new feature specification for a developer, reviewing results of an experiment with our data scientists, or dropping in on user interviews. One of the things I love the most about my job is the variety. If a project is slipping or we just don't have the resources for something important, I'm the person who can step in and do what it takes to make sure the work of my collaborators adds up to something successful.

How does your linguistics training help you in your job?

My training in linguistics absolutely helps me.

First, and most importantly I believe, my background in sociolinguistics has taught me the significance of diversity among groups of people (like users of a product) in so many ways. For example, Stack Overflow sees many millions of users every month, but we know that not everyone is equally likely to participate on the site. There are huge, intimidating barriers to participation which disproportionately impact different groups of people depending on things like their background and experience coding. So every day I think about how changes to the product will affect different types of users. Me and my team are constantly striving to better understand the important ways our users vary in their backgrounds, motivations, and pain points and how we can better meet their needs. Especially in a globally diverse online community like ours where users interact and community with each other it's extremely important for me and my colleagues to think about always.

Second, and more concretely, the quantitative methods and experimental best practices I acquired while studying linguistics are highly applicable to my day-to-day job. We make use of a lot of different qualitative and quantitative research methods at Stack Overflow and having training in this area allows me to leverage these resources effectively in my product decision-making. Before I joined Stack Overflow, I had also spent some time as a data scientist, so my background in statistics and R was extremely relevant there. Without this training, I don't think I would be where I am today.

Do you have any advice do you wish someone had given to you about linguistics/careers/university?

Overall, I'm very happy with my trajectory. I'm extremely grateful to everyone who supported me at every stage and I would not be where I am today without all of these experience (yes including dropping out of a PhD!). That said, some thing that I wish I had encountered sooner are:

Seriously, build a public portfolio. Make your work visible. Curate an online presence. Having even a just a modest Twitter following and some publicly discoverable content with my name on it has helped me immeasurably in my career. Oh, and learn git.

Pay some attention to what's going on outside of your academic bubble. I fully intended to stay in academia when I started my PhD at UCLA. Had I thought somewhat ahead of time about the possibility that I would end up industry, I may have prioritized different classes or perhaps even chosen a different PhD program altogether. For example, if you have a choice between learning OCaml and Python, maybe see what non-academia has to say, too, as an input to your decision. Then again, hindsight is 2020. I would have seriously regretted not taking statistics/research methods under any circumstances, though.

Any other thoughts or comments?

I think every tech company should look to hire people trained in linguistics. There are so, so many ways in which a background in linguistics is relevant to so many careers in tech. From user research to data science to (apparently) product management, a background in linguistics adds a unique and valuable perspective. If you're not sure what you're qualified for, carefully tailor your experience, cast your net wide, and seek out advice!