#i feel this way about being transgender too

[totaltrauma]

I've been listening to an audio book about raising a transgender child as research for the book I'm writing, and this particular little girl that it's about is one of those trans children who insist practically from birth that they are not their assigned gender, and show complete disgust and distress at the idea of being their assigned gender.

It's been making me think about my own gender identity, how it was shaped growing up, and how that was very much not my experience.

I'm not sure if anyone else feels the way that I do about gender? So that's kind of why I'm making this post, to see if anyone can relate.

I am genderless. But I have never been disgusted or unhappy with the idea of being a girl (or a boy, for that matter) -- rather, I was enthralled with the idea of gender. It seems like this exclusive club that everyone is apart of but me, and I wanted to be a part of it.

I badly wanted to be a girl. I just wasn't one. Equally as much, I would've loved to be a boy. But I wasn't that, either.

I feel as if all my life I have fallen short of either of those identities. In my mind, I'm not "good" enough to be a girl or boy. I can't do it right.

Any time I did "girl things" I felt like I was going undercover, or doing a very poor job of pretending to be a "real girl" when I knew deep down that I wasn't one. When I went through a phase of thinking I may be transmasculine, I had a similar experience. The idea of being a boy is enthralling! I love the idea of being apart of the gender experience! But I'm just not.

When I pretend to be a girl or a boy, I feel like I'm in drag. I really relate to that saying, "you're born naked and everything else is drag." But at large, gender is a performance that I am just too lazy to keep up with.

Do any other enbys feel like this about gender? I'd love to hear.

[trans-androgyne]

I just want to say thank you, for being a voice in all of this. I thought I was going insane for the longest time, and I felt so guilty for just being transgender — this whole discourse is so similar to the old TERFy adage of “you’re just manipulative naive frothing MRA-lites who betrayed womanhood & glorify victimhood”, it emotionally wrecked me — that I really struggled in the initial bouts, especially when I just thought I was missing something deeper going on. I appreciate you for being clear and concise about how these arguments fail, and how no amount of argumentation justifies the kind of things that are being said. Thank you.

Absolutely, I’ve been there. I sincerely almost detransitioned because of it. I agonized about it for months. It felt forbidden to acknowledge the idea that transmascs have things just as bad as other trans people and deserve to talk about our unique experiences; I saw all the vitriol and was terrified that they were right and I was being transmisogynistic by so much as reading through the transandrophobia tag. That’s why it’s so important to me to keep talking about and unpacking these things, I have a constant need to be the kind of person I would have needed at my vulnerable points and that’s one of the most vulnerable states I’ve been in. Additionally, I believe there will be sincere lasting change in the queer community because of all this and I want to help push that forward. I’m truly so glad you feel that way and that it sounds like a lot of other people have appreciated me talking about it too. Thank you for sending this <3

[birdmenmanga]

not me sending myself to eeby deeby at 5 am by thinking too hard about chorus

[uncanny-tranny]

Over the years, I've gotten a lot of cis people messaging me about how they should go about dating or courting somebody who's trans, and I always felt like my responses would almost... disappoint them because there isn't this magic secret to dating us.

Cis people, if you want to date us, just date us. We're human beings, we're not wild animals to tame! I promise you can have a healthy relationship with a trans person without needing to feel like the world will end if you mess up.

Trans people who date cis people often want to feel secure in your acceptance of them. You don't have to talk about our transness for hours on end to prove that you accept your loved one. You don't have to put on a display and cabaret about how Much You Accept Us. Just be a person around us, and let us be people, too!

I almost want to disappoint cis people by reminding them of this. Some of the best relationships I've had with cis people have been ones where my transness is acknowledged, sure, but it's acknowledged in the same way that my left-handedness is. It's not a joke to them, it isn't something to be horrified about, but it's also something that they don't objectify me for.

[mueritos]

received approval for my research into trans sex ed, just have to make very minor edits, but a comment from someone on the board was thinking about changing the title since I used the word “transsexual” in it. They said it could continue the same pathologization I seek to counter in my research.

I’m a bit troubled. I chose this word with intention as reclamation of the word has largely been because of how “dirty” it has become from decades of cis people using that term for us. The board member said using “transgender” would be better to not alienate people, but the term “transgender” was made with the intention to be a more respectable term than “transsexual”. Words can be inherently alienating, and even words based out of a need for inclusion can have their own connotations attached to them that reveal even more barriers. 

I chose transsexual for my title because while my research aims to include trans people who have not or chose not to transitioned, I believe the way I’ve seen “transsexual” being reclaimed now is by countering the idea of a linear transition. I believe anyone can call themselves a transsexual, because no single trans persons view of a transition is the same. Some of us are done at social transitions, some of us are not. Further, I know the word is used by older trans people as it is a term they are more comfortable with, but also I wanted to examine through the use of transsexual just how and what we medicalize about our transitions. Are pap smears, birth control, and access to HIV medication not as important to the transitioning journey as HRT and surgery?

Still, I want to examine if this word can truly be alienating, or at the least if we are not at a place where seeing a title like “Transsexual Sex Ed” incites the idea that the guide is only for medically transitioned trans people. I would love to know if non transitioned trans people feel alienated or included with the word “transsexual”, or do you not care? Would you feel alienated with the term being used within a research study, even if the study seeks to aim non transitioned trans people within the project?

These are all questions I’m thinking about since receiving this comment. I chose this word with intention and with the understanding that it carries a large weight, and Im not sure how I feel getting this comment from someone who is not trans. It is understandable, but I still feel troubled overall by the problem it poses. I also know this is ultimately my decision to change the title, and it being intentionally controversial was my intention as well. 

Let me know what yall think if yall have any thoughts!

[thegirlmirage]

My kind friends... my kissing encounter with another trans woman... my general content feeling and happiness from HRT... things are good. They were so bad for so long but they are good right now.

[moe-broey]

Jacket!!!! Ye olde varsity I got at the very beginning of my transition thinking "Oh fuck yes I am going to pass so hard in this" and. Well. It never worked I just have never passed a day in my life I don't think 😔 Eventually it just became a beloved test subject and has since gone through a bit of a transition itself LMFAOO

Some Notes:

> A lot of the decorations are taken from old backpacks I loved dearly that got absolutely fucking destroyed by the weight of all the shit I'd lug around in highschool LMFAO (sketchbook, diary, all kinds of notebooks...). Never had the heart to get rid of them. Specifically: The pink zippers, the holographic pockets, the glow in the dark stars, and the holo angel wings!

> The pink/blue checkers are from a small decorative quilt I thrifted years ago, I wouldn't be surprised if it was handmade (it's super soft material, btw! Important LMAO). I only took out one line of squares, I plan on stitching the rest of it back together (haven't done it yet though LMFAO). The reason for this was to upsize the jacket, so I can button it without it clinging. The pockets were added for funsies ESP cause it lined up very well and aren't really practical LMFAO (BUT YOU CAN PUT THINGS IN THEM! If you want!! 🎉🎉🎉)

> The patches (esp the name/pronouns one) were the first additions actually. Eventually more and more things were added, but I will say all the pins on the opposite side of the patches were haphazardly placed for a concert I VERY BADLY wanted to look good for LMFAOO (that's when the stars were added too! Fighting for my life on the car ride over speedrunning sewing and trying not to throw up about it AHAKHSKSHDK)

> Spike placement may be odd and I'd like to add more, but also I do frequently still carry around big heavy backpacks so I have to take that into consideration. Which is also why the wings have been bolted on. Those motherfuckers are NOT going anywhere LMFAO (has a really cool visual effect too!!)

> The material of the jacket itself (sort of a swishy windbreaker fabric) IS ABSOLUTE ASS TO WORK WITH. BY THE FUCKING WAY. IN CASE YOU WERE WONDERING. I would NOT recommend it to anybody ESPECIALLY someone who is just starting to fuck around and find out. I literally am just sticking it out bc of the sentimental value this fucker has to me 😭😭😭

This jacket was my first plunge into customization and punk fashion, I didn't have a plan and still don't have one (and I think it kind of shows lmfao). I do worry that it's too soft and cutesy. Kind of the whole point for me, when it came to leaning heavy into punk, was to feel sharper, like I had some bite to me. I might be getting closer, but I think I'm still just kind of a silly guy LMAO. But, I do think in a way, esp as my first project, it represents me well -- where I started, what I loved before the beginning, what I tried desperately to be, what I still wish for, reuniting with the things I loved and embracing them in a brand new context. It's still an ongoing project too! So maybe as I keep growing, it'll grow alongside me, maybe finding that grit I've been striving for along the way.

[biteapple]

part of me still feels like i might be sort of genderfluid and/or bisexual but just traumatized about it. no idea anymore

[the-nerd-beast]

Why'd I have to hatch?

Why couldn't I have just stayed in that comfy egg?

I should have just gone bad in the nest instead.

[unusualshrimp]

hmm gender thoughts

[fma03envy]

Having a favorite character you've been attached to for an extended period of time is all fun and games until you feel like you've thought about them so much you've simply run out of things to think. But that bastard still somehow manages to consume your thoughts so you're just repeating the same points until they're so familiar to you they seem obvious and so you wonder if you're missing something. And you wonder if your perception of them is so cemented by this point that if you ARE mischaracterizing them you wouldn't be able to realize it and would miss a lot of important stuff about them when revisiting the source material

[callie-flower]

in regards to my last post. idk if i've ever said it before but i've noticed i love trans women streamers specifically. they're always so cute and beautiful and SILLY and their voices are so angelic and like. idk. something something the beauty of not fitting societal standards and not pertaining to the gender binary when they want to. trans women are the backbone of this godforsaken earth /lhj /hj

[uncanny-tranny]

i know this isnt usually what ppl send u but i look up to u and i love the way u see transness, im sure u can help. basically i got top surgery 4 months ago and im extremely unhappy with my results. not the surgeons fault, he warned me getting keyhole might require revisions, and im getting them in november, but i cant help feeling like ive failed my transition. i still have so much chest dysphoria. how to cope until november? it's unbearable, its all i think about; that i still have, u know...

Continued ask:

First of all, I feel the need to emphasize that this isn't your fault. You haven't failed at anything. It is okay not to be satisfied with your results right now, especially with a surgery that needs revisions. You are entirely allowed to seek those revisions, and while it's nice that other people think the results look fine, that doesn't outweigh that your opinion about your chest and how it looks is most important. You are not selfish or unreasonable to acknowledge this. I just really, really feel the need to say this because I worry that so many trans people are afraid to admit when they aren't totally satisfied with surgery because it takes a lot of effort and they want to show the "appropriately amount of happiness." This idea, however, isn't right and isn't fair. You are allowed to feel however you feel about your results; other people's opinions aren't a factor in that.

I will also state that I haven't had surgery yet, but I definitely would encourage you to build trust in yourself to express this. It's great that you have admitted how you think about the results. That's a big deal! I think, though, that it can be important to build trust in yourself to be able to be happy and satisfied. There may come a point where, after revisions, you are happy, and that's something I also noticed in your ask. I just think it can be helpful to internalize that hopefulness because it empowers you to know that this isn't permanent.

I also hope that you have a support network that is affirming and will listen. It's nice to be told that others think your chest is fine, and I'm sure they are completely genuine and mean it, but I think it's missing the point. It isn't about having a "cis chest" or a "good-looking chest," it's about having a chest that makes you happy. If you're able, I'd definitely make that clear if you haven't (no judgments if you haven't)

This is a tumultuous time, I'm sure. You deserve to be able to express the full range of your emotions however works best for you. But not for one second do I wish you feel that you have failed. There is nothing you failed at. Transition will always be a unique experience, for the better and worse. I just wish you peace along your journey. You are the most important part of your transition. Your body, your voice, your spirit all matter so immensely, no matter where you are in this part of transition. If there is nothing tangible I can do to help you with this, then I simply want to remind you of just how utterly you matter. I'm glad you were able to open up about this. It's so incredibly vulnerable and scary to admit, even though there is nothing bad about what you feel.

[micahthemoon]

August 11 2023 My relationship to my body atm is strange. I’m both concerned that I’m too thin and that I’m not thin enough. I think it could be related to my ideal body shape: I’d love to be a pole. Meaning my thighs are no bigger than my hips and my hips or chest is no bigger than my waist. I’m just a line in the air. It doesn’t matter how thick that line is. Maybe that’s why I get strong gender envy from Jere. Yes, he has tummy, tits, and bit of hips but if you ask me, he is still somewhat pole shaped.

[haarute]

i'm sorry but as someone who is always trying to understand most things and most people, the reaction a lot of folks have of immediately dismissing something or jumping to an outrage without having a second to try to reflect on a situation or process empathy is something that i will never relate to and i consider to be a bad mentality to have if left unchecked actually

[teethandclawsxx]

dick growing fast and early just like my boobs did the first time around. awesome 👍 /gen