#i give and i am warm and bubbly and kind because i am afraid to take. i do not know how to take. all i want is to take

[soldier-poet-king]

It's way past my bedtime and I'm horrifically sad in an empty way lacking meaning and I could call in sick but I'm not /actually/ sick and if I stay home to read and cook all day my mother will be like 'oh well ur not really sick obvs' but it's like....the brain... Staying back and making soup and pasta for the week's meal prep and reading a book probably WOULD help

[chocoshrooms]

Jeff finding out reader is pregnant🤭🤭

:: Jeff The Killer x Pregnant! Reader ::

• i do not own the image above •

_____________________

:; y/n would probably try to hide the pregnancy for as long as she can to avoid the confrontation that would come with jeff

:; but once y/n starts to show, jeff did get suspicious and decided to ask out of the blue to confirm himself

:; once y/n breaks down and admits she’s known for a while, jeff only smirks and nods saying, “I knew it, you couldn’t hide that forever, Doll.”

:; he doesn’t outright express his emotions. he’s honestly mad since he doesn’t really want a baby, but it’s not like he used any protection to stop y/n from getting pregnant

“Well, what do we do now?” He asked you, a cold look behind his pretty blue eyes. You were shaking, afraid of what to say back. You did not know what to do yourself but there was no turning back now. You were already 26 weeks into the pregnancy but tried to hide the bump as best you could with big t-shirts of Jeff’s.

With no reply, Jeff only walked out the room to think. You were honestly glad he walked away rather than questioning you more.

You sat down on the couch, your hand instinctively coming to rest on your stomach, deep in thought yourself.

:; jeff would probably leave the house for a bit to clear his mind and pay a visit to Hoodie or Eyeless Jack. he’d ask Hoodie what he should do, completely distraught about what to do with a baby.

:; Hoodie would only laugh at him, but does give him some pointers on how to care for you and that he needs to “grow up” by the time the baby is here. Hoodie reminds him to be there for you and your every need

:; after, jeff would visit Eyeless Jack back at the mansion. Jack definitely knew more about situations like this and bored Jeff with lots of important information (most of which he definitely would forget). he asks Jeff to bring you to him to confirm the pregnancy much to Jeff’s dismay. Jeff doesn’t really trust Jack because of his cannibalistic tendencies but agrees to bring you soon

:; but, Jack does explain the baby needs to be checked up on with an ultrasound and offers Nurse Ann to do that which makes Jeff feel a bit better about it

Upon returning to the house, Jeff finds you resting on the couch. His eyes can’t help but to trail down to your stomach, seeing the prominent baby bump much more clearly now that he’d paid attention.

He saw your small hand resting there and that did relive him a bit to know you were not upset about the baby. He knew you would be a wonderful mama to his child, just afraid of him. Which is not too far fetched since Jeff isn’t exactly normal. He did not believe he would be such a great dad.

He stepped further into the house, closing the door behind him and reaching down to touch your belly himself. You were fast asleep, completely oblivious to his touch.

Jeff felt the hard bump, wishing he’d feel a little kick but got nothing. He wondered if the baby were a boy or girl which kind of excited him.

Jeff pulled his hand away to toss a blanket over your body before deciding to take some of Hoodie’s advice and take care of you first.

He is not really romantic but did run you a bath, finding you awake when he came back into the living room.

“You’re back,” you whispered. He nodded and gestured towards the bathroom, “Yeah, I am. Go get in the bath.”

He admired the way your eyes lit up, watching you waddle your way to the bathroom to see a nice warm and bubbly bath ready. Jeff had also laid out a warmed towel and some of your clothes, a tank top with sweat pants and comfy socks.

You were ecstatic, undressing and slipping into the water without a word. Jeff stood at the door watching like he usually does, only coming over to kneel next to the bathtub once you were comfortable.

You could see him staring at your belly and grew a bit uncomfortable, shifting in the tub to hide under the bubbles.

“You don’t have to hide it anymore,” Jeff said, resting an arm on the side of the tub.

You stayed in the same spot, only sinking further into the water. Jeff still had an off look in his eyes. You could feel the uneasiness coming from him.

“I want to bring you to get an ultrasound, I think it’s best for the uh,” he stuttered, “the uh- baby.”

You nodded softly and he finally met your eyes. You wanted to look away but just couldn’t. Jeff on the other hand was simply admiring how you looked and also searching your face to see if you’re just as afraid as he is. He sighed a bit before breaking eye contact and standing from his place on the floor.

“I’ll be waiting in the living room when you finish.” And with that he was out the door, closing it to a crack.

You sunk further into the tub, letting out a breath you didn’t know you were holding in.

:; jeff is still full of emotions about a baby coming, it really won’t hit him until the baby is born

:; he wondered what the baby would look like, would they have his eyes or yours? his hair or yours? his nose or yours?

:; in all honesty, he would rather the baby look like you. he doesn’t want to see himself in another person because of the way he is now

Jeff was stuck in his head when you emerged from the bathroom, dressed and ready to go. He held out a granola bar and a water bottle to you which you took graciously, ripping open the granola bar and eating it along the way to the mansion.

:; Jeff had small talk with you, not really much about the baby. He’d honestly be still in denial about the pregnancy since he’d never been around a pregnant woman before

:; once at the mansion though, he took you to Nurse Ann who’d perform the ultrasound for you. that’s when it really hit him there was a baby in your belly

:; he stared at the ultrasound screen, watching the baby’s little heartbeat tapping away and tiny body wiggle around

:; Nurse Ann would explain everything was looking great with the baby and y/n, too which was a relief

:; she’d print out some ultrasounds for you both to take back home to hang on the fridge.

:; back at home, jeff and you would lie in bed together, jeff’s hand resting on your belly

:; he is so consumed by his thoughts of the baby turning out like him, you’d have to tell him almost every day that everything will be alright

_____________________

Loved writing this! i’m thinking of doing a part two for how jeff acts with the baby! i didn’t really get to get into how he really feels since i wanted to keep this ask just strictly about him finding out reader is pregnant : ) thanks for reading & hearting guys! <3 - 🍫🍄

[phoeebsbuffay]

Imagine you are consoled by General Skywalker after a shitty day at work.

Warnings: short fic. fluffy, light and comfort reading. It contains some drama, though.

Warnings 2: Y/C = your choice (this fits for the subject Y/N teaches, etc).

***

It’s one of these days, Anakin feels it even before landing Coruscant. Ignoring Obi-Wan’s scowls, he goes right after you, knowing where to find you.

As he crosses his way through the countryside to see you, Anakin is anxious, feeling your feelings from afar, aware of the reasons that took you—albeit momentarily—and praying to find you well, despite his suspicious that you are not.

Unaware of his presence, you had just left your work—you are a teacher and you teach Y/C there—with eyes puddled with tears. You’ve been feeling lonely and frustrated because lately you give your very best to make a nice class, you put such a great effort to be kind, gentle and loving and all you get in return is a shitty treatment?

You start to wonder whether you are capable of doing what you do and all of a sudden what’s been choked in your throat dissolves in tears. You are outdoors, grey clouds begin to rumble, but rain pours from your eyes.

Such is the scenario when he meets you. And your eyes go wide when you find the great General Skywalker right coming to you.

Reading your thoughts brings a smile to his face.

“Y/N”, he says softly. “Why’d you believe I was not coming to see my best friend?”

You blush lightly at his words, slamming his arm playfully before being engulfed in his embrace. Ah, to smell his perfume, to feel protected by his strength.

“Would you please not read my mind, Ani?”

He smiles at how muffled your voice comes out because you bury your head against his chest.

“I cannot help myself, Y/Nickname. Besides I had a bad feeling about you. What happened, uh?” As he offers you a seat on his ship, leading you to his place instead of piloting it to yours, you notice he’s been anxious.

“Is everything okay, Ani?”, you take hold of his hand, enjoying how easily your fingertips interlock, a sight that makes you smile.

A simple gesture that warms your heart. Anakin feels it too.

“You know? Being with you makes my day a lot better”, he smiles at you, side eyeing you all the whilst he keeps his eyes on the road. “I mean it, Y/N. I could listen every quality now, I could praise you for being you.”

You are sure your face goes bright red. You suddenly look away, even though your hand is still tied to Anakin’s.

“Shush, Ani. You really don’t know what you are saying.” And then you suddenly take notice that he’s not taking you home. “Ani, why am I here? I have to go back home, you know. I work tomorrow and…”

“Now I should shush you instead, princess”, he smirks at you. “Come here…”

Once he stops at his home, he makes sure to bring you with him, leading the way all the whilst he ensures you are comfortable there. You glue your eyes at his moves, watching as he does some tea, his concern over you, the way…

Oh.

The way you love him so much.

Anakin may have heard your thoughts because he suddenly freezes whilst waiting water to boil, but it’s only because he feels the same. And yet he senses the bubble within will explode because you are overwhelmed.

Leaving aside his fears, after preparing your favourite tea, Anakin rushes to your side right as you burst into tears at long last.

“Princess, princess… hey, come here”, he puts the tea on table and embraces you as he rocks you against his chest once you both seat at the couch. “What happened, my darling? Tell me everything that’s been troubling you. Should I use my lightsaber?”

You raise your eyes and giggle between sobs.

“Of course not, Anakin. What kind of question is that?”

“Well, it did bring you to laughters, did it not? Who brought you to tears, love?”, he holds your chin, eyeing you like a lover. As he strokes your cheek, Anakin smiles. “Do you have any doubts about how I feel for you, Y/Nickname?”

“I was afraid”, you tell him, not sobbing again. “I feel so…terrible, you know? Like everything I do is not enough. Where I am kind, I get rudeness. People are so mean! We are at war, but it feels like we fight it here too. We don’t use the Force like you, but words are our weapons. They hurt so bad and they don’t even care!”

Anakin listens attentively as you speak out. He soothes your arms and back, holding you protectively, not letting you go.

He presses a kiss on top of your head, at times wiping your tears. When you finally stop sobbing, he makes you look into his blue eyes again.

Though fragile you may feel, strange is that the feeling of protectiveness is so much stronger. You feel heard, seen, understood…and loved, even if you feel like you don’t deserve it.

“You are not responsible for other people’s thoughts and sentiments, dear Y/Nickname. You are, however, only attainable to your deeds. Don’t let other people’s corruptions corrupt your mission”, he speaks softly. “Your heart is kind and generous. You are pure, you are gold. I love you for who you are and honestly I couldn’t love anybody else.”

“Not even Senator Padmé Amidala?”, you tease him, making Anakin roll his eyes.

“Really now?”

He smiles as you giggle, before pressing a kiss over your head.

“How does it feel?”

“Thank you for listening, Ani. I…”

“I know”, says Anakin. “Drink your tea, dear one, otherwise it’ll get cold.”

You snuggle against him after getting the tea he prepared for you. The two of you spend the rest of the night like this, cuddled. This evening you stay at his household, though to hold his affection is a greater comfort that truly soothes your pained heart.

You offered love to the world but getting Anakin Skywalker’s love is one true kind of joy that elevates your heart to another loving purpose…

***

Epilogue.

“Do you see the stars?”, he asks you.

Today, he is at your household. He’d just dinned with your family and now you two share some privacy outdoors.

“Yes. They spark such a vast universe”, you tell him.

“One day I’ll take you with me so we can explore it together”, Anakin vows it, taking your hands and pressing a kiss on top of every finger. “You are my sun, Y/N. I can only gravitate to you.”

“As you are my moon and stars, to whom my love is infinitive and beyond.”

You exchange glances. There is peace at long last. And as you two kiss… well, it can be said that this is where the fun truly begins.

[autisticempathydaemon]

[A4A] Your Goofy Partner Makes Thunderstorms Fun

Tags: [Comfort for fear of storms] [Established Relationship] [Silly] [Reassuring]

Type: SFW

Tagline: It’s not a dark and stormy night no more, baby; it’s a party.

Tone: silly, optimistic, bubbly

Setting; SFX: inside during a thunderstorm; faint thunder and rain

Word count: 1,176, ~10-12

Author's Notes: Lowkey, I was thinking of Lasko's comfort audio but give it to Asher, ya know?

[Rumbling of rain and distant thunder (maybe gets gradually louder/closer to build tension and denote fear which is then broken by the following), knocking at the door] (Muffled) Babyyyy! Hey, babe, are you still home? Are you there? I hope you are, cause otherwise I’m gonna look so nuts out here-

[Door opening] (Unmuffled) There you are, good! Can I come in? 

[Door closing, the storm lowers in volume and seems far now that you are here, fumbling with jacket and bags] (Rambling, breathless) I know you told me that you didn’t have anything to do today, but that was, like, four hours ago. I was hoping to get here before the rain, but I lost that race- obviously. 

[Laugh, kiss] How’re you, baby? How’re you holding up?

What do you mean? I’m here, because the forecast says thunderstorms tonight. 

Aaaand you told me last week you were really, really scared of them. I didn’t want you to be here and all scared alone, so here I am, locked and loaded with a thunderstorm funtimes bug-out bag. 

I know I didn’t have to do all that, silly; I wanted to. And I really didn’t come that far. You live, like, fifteen minutes away from me. 

It’s a good thing I didn’t drive in the rain for something “dumb” then. I drove in the rain for something legit and serious and important. Storms are loud and bright and shitty and totally reasonable to be afraid of- at least, just as reasonable as other, more common fears. Like, I’m afraid of clowns, babe. That shit makes no sense. 

It doesn’t make more sense though- that’s the thing! Like, I can probably count on one- maybe two hands how many people have died from clowns, and almost all of that is that one serial killer who gave clowns a bad name. Not to freak you out but the thing you’re scared of is so much more legit than mine which means it isn’t dumb. 

Yeah. Besides, I don’t care what you’re afraid of, you know? Babe, you could be afraid of, like… stars, like the stars in the sky, and I’m still coming over to support you and bring the best sources of light pollution a middle-class dude can buy. It doesn’t matter what‘s causing it; all that matters to me is that you’re scared and that I want to help.

Of course, sunshine. Anything for you.

[Kiss] Now that we settled all that, wanna get comfy on the floor and go through all the goodies I brought?

[Footsteps, thump of putting bags down] I know you’ve got a perfectly good couch to sit on, but this is not a couch sort of affair. This is a pillows, poles, blanket tent occasion, and I was a Scout. I know a thing or two about tents.

I figured a warm, kind of half-enclosed tent might be more cozy than just sitting in your living room. I thought helping put it together would take your mind off the storm and be another barrier between you and the noise, you know?

(Pleased) Cool. I brought a couple of blankets for the structure, but this one is for you to use as an actual blanket. It’s weighted and is really good for anxiety and nerves. 

[Fabric rustling] It’s nice, right? You can keep that one, I have another at home. Alright, so I also brought a ton of snacks, because I wasn’t sure what your snack situation was, and I didn’t want to raid your pantry. Also, my snacks are probably better.

Because I brought skittles, sour patch kids, and cheese balls for the express reason that it’s scientifically impossible to be scared or sad or upset with a mouth of cheese balls. 

Yeah, I’ve got studies; they were published in the scientific journals of Hard Knocks and Because I Said So.

[Laugh] Eat a skittle, brat, and let me show you the rest. I’ve got all the stuff to make either hot cocoa or chocolate milk; I wasn’t sure if you were in the mood for a hot drink or cold drink, so I played it safe and brought the ingredients for both. Oh, and movies! I brought over movies.

The same reason people like vinyl records. I love having something physical on a disk that no one can take from me and will still work without wifi. It doesn’t look like there’ll be a power outage, but we can still watch DVDs if there is.

(Playful) Hey, despite my good looks and carefree “hakuna matata” vibes, I’m smart! I’m thoughtful and logical!

I cannot be blamed for not paying my trash bill, okay. That shit doesn’t get covered in school, and I think it’s a really reasonable assumption that trash and recycling services are paid for with our tax dollars because they should be!

[Laugh] More skittles! Eat ‘em before I throw them at you!

[Laugh] Unbelievable. You’re so lucky you’re cute and it’s storming, or I’d throw pillows, not candy. Alright, take your pick. We’ve got Rambo, Hercules, and/or The Ring. What are we feeling?

Well, I figured an action movie might help, because all the gunfire and explosions might drown out the rain and thunder. Hercules, I figured we might be too busy singing to be scared; plus, the lightning outside might blend in with Zeus’s lightning in the movie. The Ring was a bit of a long shot, but my logic was that you might be less scared if we were scared… together? Does that make sense?

[Laugh] (Soft, bashful) I like you too, baby. What’s got you looking at me like that?

Of course I like you. Was that not obvious?

(Playful) Oh, you still have no idea. I like you so much I got us, as the finishing touch…

[Fabric rustling] matching pajama pants!

Because I want you to be comfy and happy, and what’s more comfy and happy than soft, fuzzy pajama pants covered in silly animals? Do you want the baby pugs or tiny dachshunds?

Yeah, I know both are cute, but I wanted you to be able to pick which one you thought was the most cute, you know? Cute things are diametrically opposed to fear… unless you’re a doll. Or a Furby… Most cute things are diametrically opposed to fear. 

[Laugh] There we go. There’s that smile that makes my day. Who cares about the rainclouds when I’ve got all the sunshine I need right here?

[Kiss] Sure I could. What exactly’s stopping me from doing this every time it storms?

And what exactly do you think I should spend my time, energy, and money on instead? What better use for them than to be with you and make you happy?

(Playful) A little bit of stupid question, just a smidge, but fear will make you delusional, so let’s get right on fixing that. You know what your brain needs to fight? Fuel. You know what fuels your brain. Sugar! Do you want a cold or sweet hot drink?

Performances~!

[namusthetic]

The Four Seasons

Color guide for the characters' comments:

Winter; Spring; Summer; Autumn;

_______

Winter

Jittery because had way too much sugar

Started buying presents and wrapping them in September

Has a special mug for every occasion

Likes to relax by the fire while reading or scrolling through their phone

Gives Christmas-themed socks to everyone

Sits in weird positions

Loud and affectionate with people they feel close with (even too affectionate... )

Cold and unforgiving when pissed

Has a reading list and is gonna finish it before the year ends (hopefully)

Struggles with anger management

Smiles at strangers on the street

Starts stuttering and their lisp comes out when too nervous or excited (I heard Autumn saying it was cute - oh really? - S-spring!!!!!!)

Loves surprises

Prideful, gets offended easily, but also forgives and forgets easily (it took us a whole afternoon to get them to open the door just because the three of us hung out without them - still don't know why we bothered. - HEY!!! )

Calls instead of texting

Ready to throw hands if any of their friends gets bullied or insulted

Aesthetics:

Hot chocolate and a crackling fireplace, Christmas songs and mulled wine, snow and cold wind, warm scarves and knitted gloves, snow angles and snowball fights, smirks and fistbumps, warm sweaters and tight hugs, doodles on frosty window panes, dad jokes and uncoordinated dance moves

Playlist:

Mr. Blue Sky by Electric Light Orchestra

Everybody Talks by Neon Trees

Don't Stop Me Now by Queen

Tongue Tied by Grouplove

(I Can Get No) Satisfaction by The Rolling Stones

This Side of Paradise by Coyote Theory

Line Without a Hook by Ricky Montgomery

Eleanor Rigby by Cody Fry

Somebody To Love by Queen

It's Beginning to Look a Lot Like Christmas by Michael Bublé

Snowman by Sia

Winter Wonderland by Michael Bublé

Good Old-Fashioned Lover Boy by Queen

_______

Spring

Has various nervous tics because of anxiety

Always sitting on the floor

Often with their head in the clouds (AM NOT! - darling, I've literally seen you walk into door frames more times than I can count - ... )

Almost never raises their voice

Starts reading a book, then forgets about it and starts another one

Gets lost in daydreaming and dissociates from reality

Defends strongly what they believe in

"If I were a frog you'd be welcome on my lily pad"

Starts projects but never finishes them

Sensitive, cries easily when animals and environment is involved

In touch with their emotions and nature (and also with summer apparently - if you don't shut up, I swear. - Autumn, help me!! - oh, hell nah)

Spends long afternoons having pic-nics in the park, reading, sleeping and sunbathing

Walks in the woods looking for fae traps and playing hide and seek with foxes

Aesthetics:

Flower crowns, pic-nics and apricot jam, sunshine filtering through the leaves, birds chirping and bubbly laughter, bumblebees and bees flying from flower to flower, soft singing, flower crowns and daisy chains, curious eyes and pastel colors, small frogs and lilly pads, strawberry toasts and herbal teas, sweet smiles and paint-stained hands

Playlist:

Ocean Eyes by Billie Eilish

Cool Kids by Echosmith

Ophelia by The Lumineers

Hey There Delilah by Plain White T's

Swing Lynn by Harmless

My Kind of Woman by Mac DeMarco

girls by girl in red

Coffee by beabadoobee

Juliet by Cavetown

rises the moon by Liana Flores

Where'd All the Time Go? By Dr. Dog

cardigan by Taylor Swift

No Plan by Hozier

_______

Summer

Sleeps with the windows open

Goes to the beach at sunrise to walk along the shore

Parties until late at night and comes home in the early morning

Afraid of never being good enough

Plans their day to the second, has a set goal in life

Chatty, makes friends easily but sometimes tries too hard

Just plain gorgeous (agreed!! - *blushes*)

Constantly doing something so they doesn't have any time to wallow in their thoughts

Sees the best in people (even Autumn? - Would you knock it off!?!!)

Doesn't need anyone's approval but cares about their found family's opinion

Has always something urgent to do

Done with everyone's whining (e- even me? - no, not you - pffft, simp. - *proceeds to throw a shoe at Winter* - You asked for it.)

Always tries to be strong by repressing their emotions (yeah, you shouldn't do that - sigh, I'll try not to)

Aesthetics:

Sunshine and linen sheets, freckles and dimples, gold and sand, warm laughter and cold cocktails, strawberry lemonade, pizza and a can of soda, tan lines and stretch marks, afternoon naps on the porch and late night rides, roller skating with their headphones on the promenade, thrift-shopping, a light breeze in the summer heat

Playlist:

Juicy by Doja Cat

Chicken Noodle Soup by J-Hope (ft. Becky G)

Cool for the Summer by Demi Lovato

WANNABE by ITZY

Need to Know by Doja Cat

I'm Legit by Nicki Minaj ft. Ciara

About Damn Time by Lizzo

Levitating (ft. DaBaby) by Dua Lipa

Egoistic by Mamamoo

Next Level by aespa

Truth Hurts by Lizzo

Gashina by SUNMI

Dirty Harry by Gorillaz

_______

Autumn

Lovely and deep, like the woods they like to wander

Started planning their Halloween costume since summer

Chooses their afternoon tea depending on their mood

Likes to sit by the window and read when starts raining

Often misunderstood

Looks dark and broody but is just a cinnamon roll (a cute, little, squishy cinnamon roll!!! - sometimes I struggle to repress the urge to push you off a cliff - nah, you know you love me - who's gonna tell them? - Not me.)

Starts reading several books at the same time and switches between them

Spends long afternoons reading in coffee shops

Struggles with depression and anxiety

Cannot function without coffee in the morning

Gets startled easily if they are focused on something else

Judges everyone silently, that's just what they do (Except Spring, she can do whatever she wants. - is it the cuteness? - It is.)

Waits for the call to end and then texts "What do you want?!?"

Aesthetics:

Eye-rolls, tired eyes, old books and fallen leaves as bookmarks, sentences underlined with shaky lines, large cardigans and knitted sweaters, dark coffee with splashes of milk, Earl Grey tea and butter biscuits, soft sighs and sweater paws, leather messenger bags and worn-out notebooks, the pitter-patter of rain on the sidewalk, fog and drizzle, the distant rumble of an incoming storm

Playlist:

The Less I Know the Better by Tame Impala

Tired by beabadoobee

Devil Town by Cavetown

Coffee by Jack Stauber's Micropop

Blondie by Current Joys

Alien Blues by Vundabar

Little Dark Age by MGMT

Hey Kids by Molina ft. Late Verlane

Take a Slice by Glass Animals

Vide Noir by Lord Huron

Mary On a Cross by Ghost

The Chain by Fleetwood Mac

Zombie by The Cranberries

----------------------🍏

Helloo!!! ✨

Sorry it's been a while since I've posted anything (again, sob) but I'm back!

I chose seasons this time, and I've also added comments from each one, I thought it would be a cute thing to add, I had fun doing it.

For the character's comments I used different colors to recognize them, I hope it's not too chaotic.

Hope you enjoy, and please take care of yourselves,

lots of love 💜

[fruityuncleskeletor]

Writers Truth & Dare Ask Game

seen on and snatched from @bunnakit

🎱 ⇢ post your AO3 total stats 

🍓 ⇢ how did you get into writing fanfiction?  I started writing my own stories about cartoon characters because the episodes on TV were too far apart

🌵 ⇢ share the link to a playlist you love

Chan's room episodes

🕯️ ⇢ on a scale from 1 to 10, how much do you enjoy editing? why is that? a fucking solid 2, because the more I see my own fic, the more disgusted I grow with it and lose the will to post it. The 2 is because I do realise editing is necessary.

🛼 ⇢ describe your latest wip with five emojis

🥑 ⇢ you accidentally killed somebody, which mutual(s) do you text for help? I am calling @hardcandythinking but only to vent, I already know where to rent a woodchipper from

🥤 ⇢ recommend an author or fanfic you love @ellieellieoxenfree

💌 ⇢ how many unread emails do you have right now?  in my business inbox, 51. In my personal account, 0

🌻 ⇢ tag someone you appreciate but don't talk to on a regular basis@sparkly-butthole-on-ao3

🐇 ⇢ do you prefer writing original characters, reader inserts, or a mix of both?  I used to be really into writing the OG characters

🧃 ⇢ share some personal lore you never posted about before I have come to terms that I will always have an eating disorder, the difference now is that I've decided to profit from it.

🎲 ⇢ what stops you from writing more in your free time? I am fucking exhausted, fam. And the supreme lack of interest in my writing in this new fandom. Feeling unwanted and tired has managed to give me a writer's block that I have successfully dodged for 20+ years.

🍄 ⇢ share a head canon for one of your favourite ships or pairings

Here's two-

Geralt and Jaskier are so in love with each other, even platonically. They don't want to admit it, but they have a really warm and cozy love bubble around them and both are afraid that if they speak about it, it'll make them feel less giddy and elated and pull this bubble into reality, making it vulnerable to being popped by evil forces.

Jace's nonchalant attitude re: the people he bangs and his unflinching love for Alec always made me think he is an in denial asexual - he is obviously not sex-repulsed but he wields sex like a weapon or like a quick fix to avoid looking at deeper emotions affecting him. I fucking love Jace to death, he gets so little credit.

🧸 ⇢ what's the fastest way to become your mutual?

talk to me on tumblr

🪐 ⇢ name three good things going on in your life right now

My cat's health is better

I am losing weight and gaining muscle, feeling fitter than in my 20s

I found a hairdresser I absolutely love going to

📚 ⇢ what's the last thing you wrote down in your notes app? some Korean words for reference. In Korean.

  🍬 ⇢ post an unpopular opinion about a popular fandom character Yennefer is a gigantic selfish asshole, with only moments of emotional clarity and kindness and she treats Geralt like absolute crap most of the time.

🔪 ⇢ what's the weirdest topic you researched for a writing project? yeah not gonna make the FBI man's job easy. stay wondering, bro!

🦷 ⇢ share some personal wisdom or a life hack you swear on

It's always better to assume people are assholes by default and then let yourself be pleasantly surprised when they are decent than the other way around. Saves you a world of disappointment.

❄️ ⇢ what's your dream theme/plot for a fic, and who would write it best?

I can't pick rn.

🌿 ⇢ give some advice on writer's block and low creativity

The only way around it is through it. It helps to do various other creative things, it will recharge your creativity in the realm you feel it's low in. Like if you have writer's block, make some art. Draw some shit, splash some colours, bake and decorate a birthday cake, go outside and photograph some flowers.

🥐 ⇢ name one internet reference that will always make you laugh "My butthole! I blew out my butthole!"

  🏜️ ⇢ what's your favourite type of comment to receive on your work? When someone picks their favourite parts of the chapter or fic, and details their thoughts on it for my enjoyment.

🍦 ⇢ name three good things about a character you hate Alec is a good leader, perseverent and insightful.

🥝 ⇢ do you lie a lot? what's the most recent lie you told? God I used to lie more often than I breathed when I was a kid and a teen. Lately I just lie to get out of having to socialise.

🦋 ⇢ share something that has been on your heart and mind lately 

I find stanning a K-Pop group to be 20% fun and 80% disheartening if you're older because you definitely feel like you can't sit with the cool kids and everything is just a really good, hi-def illusion set up to make you bust your wallet wide open, so every moment of genuine relatability and connection is invalidated by the feeling that these people are part of a marketing strategy. It's kind of like going to see strippers and even if you like one, you know that even if you fell in love with them, you're not allowed to get to know them because for them it's just work and you are only worth the cash you pay in their eyes. The closeness is an illusion that leaves you feeling even lonelier and sadder than you were before.

🦴 ⇢ is there a piece of media that inspires your writing?  There are a lot of them but my core reference is Anne Rice's writing. Now I am writing something that was inspired by the portrayal of Jack Reacher in the "Reacher" series on Amazon.

🍅 ⇢ give yourself some constructive criticism on your own writing It would be nice if I could write stuff that's relatable to others, not just to me. But that would mean biiiiiiiig consciousness shift and I'm extremely pussilanimous when it comes to this.

🐚 ⇢ do you like or dislike surprises? I think the delivery matters a lot - a surprise is being told something that you don't know yet, and if the person breaking the news makes it seem like a heart attack from shock is the adequate response, then better don't tell me, just show me.

🪲 ⇢ add 50 words to your current wip and share the paragraph here

Hyunjin had made himself comfortable on his bed, with his legs propped up on the headboard, leaving just his shirt and his socks on. He intended to drag it out as much as he could and get the most out of those pics.

Magazine in one hand, dick in the other - that’s how Changbin had found him, walking in to ask a very pressing question. (65 words bc just the 50 didn't make sense alone.)

☁️ ⇢ what made you choose your username? Thinking about my love-hate relationship with writing.

🐝 ⇢ tag your biggest supporter(s) and say one nice thing about them

@hardcandythinking is my bestie and my number 1 fan. She's the real MVP.

🌸 ⇢ do you have any pets? if you do, post some pictures of them

🎨 ⇢ link your favourite piece of fanart and explain why you like it

View this post on Instagram

A post shared by 𝐆𝐄𝐑𝐀 🌻 STAYTIST (@kerimaix)

This is so surreal - Chan is a human with two sets of ears and the rest of the members are tiny wee animals - and the love, goofiness and fun are so well captured. This artist also depicts Chan as shy and cute, and I prefer this to the hard dom or arrogant inaccessible guy takes I see more often. Like I get it's appealing to others but I like a squeaky, shy guy better than any alpha dude character.

🧩 ⇢ what will make you click away from a fanfiction immediately?

poor characterization on a macro level

crass and goofy consistent misspelling like "nobbing" instead of "nodding", "viscous" instead of "vicious", "colon" instead of "cologne"

offputting descriptions like "chubby little cock" or "fat mushroom" (used for dick tips). I would lose my erection if someone talked to me like that irl

[beck-a-leck]

May I please order one fluffy story about Xiao confessing her love to Frey? Combo #53 "That wasn't very subtle"

Here you go, Nonny! I am so sorry for the long delay in getting to this prompt. I don't know when it came in but I know it's been over a month.

Thanks for your patience, and I hope you enjoy the Frey/Xiao Pai fluff!

💜💜💜💜

Xiao sat up a little straighter when Frey stepped through the front doors of the inn. Giddy excitement bubbled up in her chest as she gave Frey a warm smile.

“Hello, Frey! Taking a bath today?”

“Yes, please, I need it.” Frey shifted her bag on her shoulder and rubbed at her neck. “I spent all day clearing out another field. I’m so sore.”

“The water is nice and hot today, that should help you feel better.”

That was true in more than one way. Xiao Pai had accidentally mixed up the normal bath salts with Spice powder, and the baths had a little more heat than normal. But Mama had assured her it would be fine, capsaicin was good for sore muscles, and people had been commenting on how the baths made them feel better than normal all day today. For once, one of Xiao’s mistakes had turned out all right.

Xiao waited a few minutes to give Frey a chance to change and wash and get into the bath before going in after her to check in. She found the earthmate sunk up to her nose with an expression of pure bliss on her face.

“Xiao, the bath feels incredible today. I can already feel the soreness melting away. Did you get new bath salts? It smells different.”

With a nervous chuckle, Xiao Pai explained her earlier mistake. She hadn’t admitted it to anyone else but Lin Fa, and she was afraid Frey might laugh at her. And Frey laughed, but not unkindly.

“That’s genius! I’ll have to remember that. What a happy accident.” She floated over to the edge of the bath and folded her arms over the edge, she rested her chin on her arms and looked up at Xiao with that small smile that always put butterflies in Xiao’s stomach. “Got time to sit and talk?”

“Yes. Mama is watching the desk for now.” Xiao took a moment to roll up the cuffs of her pants and sat down to dip her feet in the bath. There was a spicy tingle to the water, and it did feel good after she’d been on her feet all day. Xiao very much wanted to fully get into the bath with Frey, and spend a good long time just sitting there, talking with her, but she couldn’t. She could really only spare a short break for a chat. But she would take all the time she could with Frey.

Already, the earthmate occupied almost every minute of Xiao’s days, and a lot of her sleeping time as well. Hardly a moment went by that Xiao Pai wasn’t also thinking about Frey – which didn’t bode well for those tasks that required all of her attention. Ever since the princess had arrived last spring, Xiao’s rate of accidents and mishaps had increased almost exponentially. She had tried to scold herself out of the crush, tried to force her mind to put the other woman on the back burner so she could properly focus, but no matter what she tried, nothing worked. Frey was just always there, and the longer she had been in Selphia and had become part of Xiao Pai’s life, the harder it was to deny the crush.

Xiao Pai really liked Frey, and she suspected Frey felt the same. But Xiao was too scared to ask, too frightened to take the next step. Because what if she was wrong? Frey might stop coming around for her regular baths, and Xiao would lose, not only her crush, but her friend as well.

“Hmm… I’m getting kind of hungry,” Frey said reluctantly, sinking back into the bath. “I guess if I want to get dinner started, I should head back soon.” She sighed exaggeratedly, “But this bath feels soooo good…”

Xiao perked up with an idea. “Mama made an extra batch of curry manju this afternoon. Would you like some?”

Frey’s eyes brightened. “That sounds delicious!”

Xiao got to her feet. “Stay there, I’ll bring you some!”

Smiling brightly, Frey said, “Thank you, Xiao! You’re the best!” And then, as she watched Xiao slip once on the bathroom floor, called after her, “Please dry your feet and put you shoes back on before you run to the kitchen.”

Xiao did as she suggested, blushing ruefully as she realized she would have done exactly that if Frey hadn’t warned her. That probably would have ended in disaster.

While Xiao waited for the manju to reheat, she spied a pen and notepad on the kitchen counter with what looked like half a grocery list on it. An idea seized Xiao and she had the pen and paper in hand before she could over think it. She could write a cute or funny note for Frey. But what to say…?

She tried a handful of different things, but nothing sounded right. It was either too corny, or too sappy, or just didn’t make any sense. She even wrote the words ‘I really like you’ down before she tore that piece off the notepad.  She only had another minute or so before the manju were hot, she had to think of something.

Then Lin Fa poked her head into the kitchen and broke Xiao’s train of thought. “Oh, there you are, Xiao, can you come watch the desk for me for a minute.”

“Yes, Mama. But can you take the manju out in a minute, please. They are a snack for Frey.”

“Of course.” And mother and daughter traded places.

A couple minutes late Lin Fa was back at the desk, ready to take over, and she put a covered plate in Xiao’s hands. “I plated them up for you, thank you, dear. You can go keep Frey company.”

“Thank you, Mama!” Xiao walked carefully back to the bath. “Bath snacks just for you!” She presented the plate and removed the cover with a small flourish.

And Xiao Pai saw at exactly the same time Frey did, the little piece of paper that had one, simple handwritten message on it for all to see.

I really like you.

Xiao’s face burned hot, and she yelped, almost dropping the plate trying to grab the note. But Frey caught the plate, and read the note.

Her cheeks flushed red too. “Well… that’s not very subtle.”

Xiao wanted to sink through the floor, she snatched the offending piece of paper off the plate and crumpled it in her fist. “I’m sorry! Mama must have place it there. As a joke!”

“Oh… so, you don’t like me?” And Frey looked almost crestfallen.

“What? No! That is not – I mean! I do like you! I just – eep!” Xiao slapped her hand over her mouth.

“Really?” Frey’s face brightened again. She smiled nervously, looking away from Xiao Pai. “Because… I really like you too.”

“You do?”

“Yeah… I thought it was kind of obvious…” Frey’s face went pink again, “Leon kept teasing me about it.”

“Mama kept teasing me too.”

The two of them shared a look and a long laugh. When they stopped, Frey reached over and took Xiao Pai’s hand.

“I’d give you a hug if it wouldn’t get you all wet, but… how about you share my bath snacks with me, and then we can go out for dinner together?”

Xiao pai squeezed her hand. “I would like that very much.”

[xbadnews]

A   :   AFFECTION.   how does your muse show affection?

first of all, i want to preface this with how hard it is for percy to be comfortable showing affection. he craves it, he wants to show it but it's not something that comes naturally to him. so when he gets to a point where he's doing these things, you are someone incredibly important to him & he values you beyond the day he's living in.

i absolutely think that percy is a pebbler. it starts out as very much a ' this made me think of you so i picked it up ' kind of thing. that's one of the easiest ways to show affection for percy. it's something he can give to someone & dash away if they reject it, he can usually gauge whether or not they appreciate & sort of temper his expectation of them in that regard. i almost think it's a mentality of ' if they respond well to this, they'll respond well to the next step of affection' if that makes sense?

when it becomes a casual thing he tries to show in passing. i think specifically w/ vox machina he'll clean up after small messes that are left behind, keep the windows & curtains clean, buy incense & flowers to keep their environment nice to exist in. i think though percy prefers a tidy environment, it's not necessarily his priority when he's on his own. he'll complain about it but there is still this sentiment of ' i want the space i share w/ my friends to be a nice space because they deserve that ' where on his own it would be more of a ' i will clean when i accomplish this, this & this ... then i can treat myself to a clean environment ' if that makes sense?

i think a huge part of percy's love language is reflecting what the people around him need as well. i have a post somewhere detailing my headcanons about him having bpd but i am highlighting a part super relevant to this topic

a lot of Percy's love language is reflecting what people need out of him. it's part of why he's so quick to get into a crazy ritual with a bunch of friendly strangers, why he doesn't hesitate to give them all of his money. because that is what they are interested in & doing & he wants to be a part of that whether or not it aligns with goals he's otherwise set for himself.

there is almost this feeling of ' if i am useful, it shows that i care ' if that makes any sort of sense? so this is a clear, defined way he can show he cares. again, it's something he would view as passive affection. i think part of this perception has to do with him having very limited experience caring for people on any level beyond immediate. so he looks at what they need immediately & try to be that...

i want to say as he gets more comfortable with someone, he becomes a lot more comfortable with physical affection. it's something he craves, whether it's on a romantic or platonic level. hugging, holding hands, sharing snacks, just sharing a personal space bubble.

i don't think percy always realizes right away when he crosses the platonic/romantic threshold in his mind? so when it does, he's still hugging, holding hands, sharing snacks, ect. but his hands start to linger, it's a little harder to be casual about it. it's basically him going ' benormalbenormalbenormal ' at himself while also holding your hand like it's the only thing tethering him to this world. also, of course, pet names.

i think when it comes to romantic affection he gets a lot more panicky & a lot more impulsive because of that. he's an impulsive guy as is but i feel like he takes butterflies in his stomach as a challenge because when he cares about someone on that level, he's always afraid & he's unwilling to let fear deter him.

to sum it all up i feel like percy shows a lot of passive affection in caring for shared environments, adapting to be whatever flavor of useful he thinks is necessary & gift giving. though it takes him a moment to warm up to physical affection he's super comfortable with it on a platonic level & on a romantic level he gets a little bit crazy about it. in either context, he just likes to share a personal space bubble with his loved ones once he trusts them enough to do so.

[plantdad-dante]

Book #129 - Will Grayson, Will Grayson by John Green and David Levithan

(second time read; although, the only thing I remember from depressed-teenage-me's opinion on it was "kinda weird? seriously, am I the only one who finds it really kinda weird?", and... oh boy, if that is not an understatement)

I remember I mostly pretended to like this book because a friend back then loved it so much she was going to give a book presentation on it and this friend was always kind of the one friend who you're really afraid to differ in opinion with because what if they ditch you.

Anyway. Someone mark the calendar, a John Green book actually emotionally affected me! (Is it David Levithan's influence? Who knows.) Like, for a second. For a second, the Straight!Will & Tiny plot actually got to me (code word: baseball dugout). And then I remembered I really disliked Tiny, and the bubble burst, but for a second there, it had me!

The rest... well. Let me say it like this.

Straight!Will: Less annoying than I found him at 15, but still plenty annoying. Also the character who is responsible for probably the only "No Ace, Though!" I will ever encounter in a book, ever. Because dude... dude. What The Fuck Do You Mean.

Jane: Give me two weeks and I will not be able to tell her apart from the girl in the Katherine book. Just another case of "quirky cardboard".

Tiny: Listen. I get it? I get his problems, and why he is the way he is and does the stuff he does? But I just do not possess the patience to deal with people like that. And then somehow the whole book just strangely fixates on him and I just cannot deal with meddling attention sponges like that. I know it sounds massively judgy, but... I can't. I just can't.

Gay!Will: Let me tell you, I related to some pretty edgy, misanthropic bullshit at the height of my depressed pretentiousness. Looking back, it was very much the perfect mix of "concerning, yet cringe". That being said, I remember very clearly that, even at 15, I classified this Will as "a bit much". Paint your own picture accordingly.

Maura: Newsflash! Your friends (or "friends") do not owe you their coming out, and they do not owe you the details of their mental illness, either. Also, surprise! Catfishing is wrong, regardless of your fucking intentions. Why the fuck does Will have to apologize to her in the end?? Not that he didn't do anything wrong in this arrangement (he could really have communicated better - then again, depression), but her shit massively outweighs his? Because if I remember correctly, Will "knew" "Isaac" for a whole year. Aka almost the entirety of the Maura-Will "friendship". Girl, give him a chance to warm up to you. Or take a hint, prioritize yourself, and piss off.

Like... I promise, it is possible to make peace with yourself and your choices without having to talk to people who hurt you massively. It is possible to cut people off and not look back and be at peace with it. It is possible not to intentionally catfish people into coming out to you (what a sentence).

I think I want to hate this book more than I actually do. Like I said, it got my flinty little heart to throw off a spark or two. But, as I hope is evident, it also annoyed me too much to rise to the heights of love-hate, so final comment remains a resounding: eh.

[madraleen]

Demon Slayer: Kimetsu no Yaiba - Koyoharu Gotouge Volumes 1-6 running commentary *ANIME SPOILERS!

-Sooo… here we are.

-Dear Demon Slayer manga. I have a nagging, unsettling suspicion that you could actually break my heart. Please don’t, yeah? :)

-Everyone (and by everyone I mean the Tanjiro, Nezuko and Giyu that I’ve seen so far) looks five years younger in the manga.

-Manga!Giyu looks like a child, omg, in the anime he seems in his early twenties.

-Yeah no, I checked, he IS supposed to be 19 in chapter one, God he looks so young.

-I’m sorry, but I think it’s such an iconic moment when Giyu slashes off Tanjiro’s ponytail.

-Omg, Nezuko is biting Giyu’s clothes, help.

-Will we (=Tanjiro) learn to go whoosh-whoosh and disappear like the Hashira do

-“How many demons are there?” Oh, Tanjiro, bb.

-I hope Tanjiro does buy Nezuko a beautiful kimono some day :’)

-What’s interesting to me, and this happened with Black Butler too, is that my affections don’t carry over from anime to manga. I was amazed to discover in Black Butler that I didn’t instantly get to like Ciel or whoever in the manga just because I got to like them in the anime- I had to warm up to them, and the same goes for Demon Slayer. It’s like getting to know everyone anew, and the reason I find this interesting is that I’m reading the manga *because* of the anime, and yet.

-I am asking respectfully. Urokodaki really doesn’t want to see another of his students killed. So. If Tanjiro impales himself on his traps during training. Then what. “Oh well”?

-Aw, I really liked Makomo and Sabito in the anime, it’s nice to see them again.

-Oh my little Tanjiro, I’m tearing up at his kindness with the Final Selection demon.

-Love that Zenitsu has a sparrow and just no one addresses it, like yes, here are your crows, now let’s move on.

-Urokodaki hugging both Nezuko and Tanjiro makes me cry, like at that moment, for this one instant, we’re safe.

-So okay, if only Muzan can turn humans into demons, then when Mugen Train demon tries to get Rengoku to agree to become a demon, what he actually means is that he’ll take him to Muzan to make him a demon, right? Not that he’ll do it himself.

-Love the first panel of Tanjiro and Muzan side by side. Love it.

-“Those earring – shiver.” SHIVER? Man, who was Tanjiro’s dad, what happened

-Oh EVERYONE looks younger in the manga than the anime, okay.

-Imagine calling Nezuko a hag. Ridiculous.

-Okay, so Yushiro is the only non-Muzan demon. Okay.

-Oh no way, manga!Zenitsu doesn’t share Tanjiro’s rice ball? Interesting, interesting.

-The little question mark bubble over Nezuko’s box, I can’t.

-I’ve warmed up to Zenitsu much faster in the manga, probably because it’s funnier when all his screaming is in silent letters than him screaming in my ear from the get-go.

-Zenitsu, man, he’s so cool when he fights, idk.

-Giyu is a GREAT P.E. teacher, okay, don’t let that stupid PTA make… I mean... erhm… hm.

-I understand Zenitsu is afraid of demons, but I find it fascinating that when against a human (Inosuke), he stood up for Tanjiro and his ~box with everything he had.

-I’ll give you that- I couldn’t stop watching the fights in the anime and I can’t stop reading the fights in the manga, you just want to see what happens next.

-Zenitsu’s moral compass: Tanjiro.

-I don’t quite understand what happens with Inosuke’s mother. She throws him off the cliff?

-Giyuuuuu

-Can I just say, I find it really smart that Rui cut his head off before Tanjiro could do it and end him

-Giyu is so… calm and concentrated, argh, I love him. He just up and went and developed a new eleventh form himself that only he can do, what, like it’s hard?

-Ah shut up, Rui’s story makes me tear up.

-I love how the demons’ appearance evolves the more demonic they become.

-Also, Shinobu. I kinda love her too, she’s terrifying.

-Jesus Christ, the Hashira look so young compared to the anime.

-Wait wait wait, so the fact that Muzan’s curse is removed from Nezuko means that he knows where she is, but not what she’s thinking?

-This feels like a good time to stop this commentary, because we’re approaching intense-storytelling territory.

[inkskinned]

she trails one finger down my cheek, sighing. "I'm gonna miss you."

i roll my eyes, lying back against her uncolored bedspread, watching the room settle into the correct form. she always gets like this, right before an Assignment. she takes our Roles a little bit too seriously. my brain is already sloshing with the pacing of the Narrative - a little stilted, a little distant. I'd been in Close Third in the last one, and more poetic. her hands make shadow puppets on the bright pink walls; the room shifts and become covered in art; shifts and become covered in band posters. then back to pink.

she'd been my Best Friend Forever since kindergarten, usually. the oldest we'd ever met each other was in middle school, but that Assignment had been pretty bleak anyway, and she'd only been in-and-out of the picture. I'd barely seen her. i loved her, usually, from the moment i met her - she usually had done something Charming in some way, solidifying our bond for the Audience.

"you're gonna be fine," i tell her. "we'll be back here in no time."

she sighs and curls up next to me, turning so our noses almost touch. she smells familiar, like drying ink. then she smells like mint and mown grass. then she smells like herself, for a second, before she's back to peppermint. "well, you're gonna be fine," she says. "The Main Character always is."

"this again." i roll my eyes a second time. this Assignment feels like it is heavy in the eye-rolling. i had told her before: i'm jealous of her Role just like she's jealous of mine. the Best Friend Forever gets to be quirky, spunky, cute. she always has a personality like a firecracker - even if sometimes that firecracker had a harsh edge to it. in most Assignments, she'd run around, starting - or getting me out of - loads of trouble. she gets to have grand adventures without too much Character Development, which is always painful for me and kind of annoying. she is always Assigned cool interests and hobbies, whereas i can feel my singular Driving Interest crystalizing in my bloodstream. "i think this time i'm Interested in yearbook. Gag me." I mime choking, she wrinkles her little lopsided nose in a giggle.

"you just hate it from stuff that's leftover from your last Assignment, though." she looks up at the ceiling. "you'll be actually Interested soon. in this one i'm gonna have a secret thing about fashion magazines. now that is gag-me."

"remember when you were like, so -"

"like so into porcelain dolls?"

"and i was like, Interested in -"

"you were deep in the paint of effing biology." she wrinkles her nose again, like a little mouse, and i realize i love this new face, the way i love all of her faces. i like this tic she has. sometimes her tics are supposed-to-be-ugly; i love them every time anyway. she's my Best Friend Forever, I can't not love whatever she is. she bites her lip. "oh gosh. i'm already talking like the Assignment. that's quick."

"sounds Young Adult. I haven't been able to swear in, like, a millennia." i don't usually get to swear though, regardless of Audience, since swearing is a Best Friend Forever thing. although sometimes i would be Assigned to just-swear if it was a big-deal kind of moment, and those Assignments were fun. the words would pop out of my mouth like a soap bubble, big and afraid of themselves. and my Best Friend Forever would always look at me, shocked and awestruck.

i loved when she looked at me like that. it wasn't in every Assignment, but it was always so gratifying to be in her eye like that. to be seen, the way a Best Friend Forever sees you.

she takes my hand gently. she's usually a little bit bigger than me, but in this one, she's smaller than average. slim. we're probably going to have a Big Fight about jealousy - whenever she's slimmer, the Audience needs to know she's also Insecure about it. Usually it's the other way around - I'm slimmer, and Insecure that i don't have her curves. in those, she's always "better with boys." until, at least...

like she reads my mind, she sighs again. "I know. i just hate the part where you meet Him."

i'm not startled by how on-the-same-page (ha! maybe i'm Funny in this one) we are. she's my Forever person. the Him changes a lot, but she is a delicate constant. she knows me - even when i'm not-me. or not this me. whatever. "i mean, it might be different this time."

she sits up. i sit up too, disoriented by the strange violence of the action. she pushes the heel of her palm into her cheekbone. "it sucks, you know?"

i can tell by how she wrinkles her nose that she is understating it. i've known her Forever, after all.

nose wrinkle. "we're always the most dynamic and interesting part. you and i, and how we grow up together, and how we interact, and how we try to get over the same things. i know we have a lot of Big Fights, but we always end back up together at the end."

it's a sore subject. i betray her a lot for Him. i can't help it. "i know, but maybe this time - i mean, it's not always ..."

her eyes flash while she turns to me. "you just, like, get caught up in Him. every time. and i have to, like, watch you leave."

"i don't always leave." i feel pouty, suspicious that she is right. it is a Main Character thing to be Right in The End, not a Best Friend Forever thing. i don't always do it the Right Way, but I always end up back here, apologizing to her. she always ends up being okay with it, because i'm always Right.

"you do always leave. and it doesn't make any effing sense, because He never makes sense like we do, you know, like... you both are never - like, your Development with Him, is never like, actually...." she moves her hands around in the air as if trying to find the term, but gives up. "the Audience even thinks it."

I hold my breath at her blasphemy. "don't bring the Audience into -"

she grabs at the roots of her hair. "i'm right, though. you meet Him, and because you are a girl, and you are the Main Character, you love Him, and you forget about me." her hands drop to her lap and her thin shoulders pull forward as if she has been suddenly deflated. the anger all seeping out around her. she's usually not able to stay angry at me long - loving me is her Role.

the air feels heavy between us. thick of something unwritten. i don't know the rules of this one. in the space between Assignments, she can be a little wild. her Role doesn't sink her as deep into the Assignment - she has wiggle room where i don't.

i try to tease her, nudging her with my shoulder. "i didn't realize you had a jealous Assignment this time."

she looks up at me. biting the inside of her cheek. i can see her jaw working against the muscle. "i'm always jealous," she whispers.

"that's natural," i assure her. "it's a Best Friend Forever thing. I'm always jealous, too, just a little. you know that."

"it's because we actually see each other. because we actually know each other. because we're made for each other." she doesn't drop my eyes. her hands take mine again, warm and soft. again, that feeling that she is a familiar love - a long love, a deep love - comes sloshing up inside me. i was made to love her, and i was also made to betray her. in order for the Character Development to work, i have to love her hard, so it hurts when i choose Him. she has to love me hard, too. "it's..." she breathes deep, as if through a choke. i wonder how much longer before we'll be in the Assignment, and unable to talk like this. it can't be much longer at all. "it's just stupid. every time, you see Him, and for no reason, he's just better and you leave and -"

"you know i don't want to hurt you, though!" it's an old argument. i feel the pattern of it, glad to be back on script. "you know i never -"

"you just see Him, and it's like magic, and it doesn't mater that He makes no sense - "

"it's about growing up! it's about Character Development! it's not about you, you know that, i love you, i just always Love Him, and -"

"and i am jealous -" she grabs my face, desperate, her voice thick. the room around us starts to shift, and i can tell by how it is pulling itself together that it's solidifying into the Assignment. someone is writing us into a space. her words are garbled for a second, and i feel the hair on the back of my neck rise as she fights the Assignment.

"we're gonna be okay," i promise, "i'll love you the whole time, you know that, even if -"

when she kisses me, something happens in the pit of my stomach. i've been Kissed many times, by many Hims. it is sometimes electric, dizzying, powerful. it is sometimes cataclysmic. it is sometimes rushed, hurried, overwhelming - sometimes harsh, dominant. i have been Kissed until i saw stars, and Kissed perfect.

this is not that. i don't have words for this. i have no narrative. there is only her, and only me, and no story, her hands on my cheeks. i realize, in the seconds we have - she's crying.

then i am on her bed again, which is pink and purple patchwork, and she is across the room, lying on the floor, kicking her heels up while she reads a magazine lazily. we've known each other from preschool, when she punched someone for stealing my candy. we both got detention - who knew preschoolers could get detention - and we'd be inseparable ever since. she listens to loud music but loves fashion magazines; and i love her.

she's saying something, but my old phone pings, lying on top of the Yearbook editing i'm doing. i look down, frozen. she asks me something, but i can't hear her, staring at the notification on my screen. i don't even notice her getting up to investigate.

her hair tickles my cheek while she reads the phone over my shoulder.

she grins. "oh my gosh." she says. "you got invited to the party, holy guacamole. do you know who's gonna be there? baby, you need to go."

i know i need to. after all, after a little complaining, i am going to go. we will try on all her clothes first. and while i'm there, i'll be a Main Character, and not-quit-fit-in.

and while i'm there, i'm going meet Him. and it will be Magical. for some reason, there are tears pricking at the side of my eyes, even though i have no idea why. this story is funny, and light, and amusing.

she grabs my hand, and she is warm, and familiar, and i feel Insecure that she's so thin. i feel Insecure - and - something - a memory, or a -

"come on," she says, and, for a second, something in her eyes is deeply sad, and the time between us feels like fraying satin.

but then she breaks out into a grin. "i know just what to dress you in. i can't wait. you're gonna meet Him."

[bestruction]

Things that aot boys do that warms your heart

- Eren Jaeger 

Modern au: The way he’s always touching you, not in a sexual way not only so when you come home from a long day at work be sure that this boy is waiting for you on the sofa to put his hands ALL around you. There’s something special about these quiet moments because he’s not the most silent person in the world, to know that is enough for him put you in his lap with his hand on your waist watching some random shit on Netflix brings some comfort, yk? As if being there with him is your home and not just the walls and bricks. Who can blame you? He’s a big teddy bear.

Aot au: The way he expresses himself. If I had to define him with one word it’d be intense definitively. Is he angry? You’ll know, is he embarrassed? You’ll know, is he sad? You’ll know. Even if he’s confused about what that hell he’s feeling you’ll know. He always wants to be the more honest with you as possible and of course, if he wants to tell you or show you how much and why he loves you...Girl/boy, you’ll know. I can imagine him waking his s/o at 3 am and leaving the dorms without anyone know just to see the stars or to walk around the city with some excuse like “I just wanted to see you, please. Let’s go” and at the end of the night whispering “I love you”, BUT that’s exactly the reason why 19y old Eren will break your heart in pieces (one of them). To see him getting colder and colder is like to watch the boy you love disappear slowly and all these memories only make you miss him more.

- Levi Ackerman 

Modern au: The way he’s always taking care of you. It’s not like he’s overprotective or something, he knows you’re independent and can handle with yourself. He does it almost like an instinct. If you are sick, he’ll show up at your house wearing a mask and holding a plastic bag full of remedy, teas, and some snacks, if you sleep without covering yourself he’s gonna cover you with a blanket in one second and if you are sad he can be only the shoulder that you need or advice you in the best way.

Aot au: Same thing, but it becomes overprotection since death is a factor way more present in aot au and he already lost too much. It takes a lot from this man to let you be inside of his heart because of his fear and traumas from the past and now that you’re in...He’s even more afraid to lose you. He always has one eye on you in every battle inside or outside the walls, you’re the first face he’ll be looking for and if you get hurt he may look calm and cool, but inside of him, there’s a storm.

- Armin Arlert 

Modern au: The way he tries to be brave in front of you. He’s a very shy boy, he doesn’t scream with others even if they deserve it, he doesn’t like to be the center of attention, and he for sure hates spiders and cockroaches, but this baby boy is ready to face all this shit for you! He wants to be someone you can depend on just like you’re to him. Which ends up with you both scared or without knowing how to deal with a big spider and having to call Eren or Mikasa, but he was there with you all the time!

Aot au: The way he’s curious about everything. To see him learning from the outside world with so much joy makes you forget about the war sometimes. It’s inspiring. His eyes shine when he talks about the things he saw in the sea and along the beach and when he started to learn about other cultures your heart melts inside your chest because of his compassion and kindness even with all the hate against Eldia. Also, he’s always studying you too, you actions, your mannerism, your details. He never gets tired of learning about you even after years together and it’s because of that attention and passion that you know he’s the right one.

- Jean Kirstein 

Modern au: The way he cooks. Jean learned how to cook with his mama, change my mind. There’s something about this tall-ass man when he enters into the kitchen humming some song that you never know and start to cutting vegetables for his and your omelet. His mom used to do it for him since he exists, always makes him feel safe because of her memory and that’s why he’s ready to cook one for you when you need to feel the same. He’ll ask you to wait for a little while he mixes everything, you watch him smile because of the food’s smell and his hair casually fall on his face. Little does he know that you already feel safe before he even gives your plate

Aot au: The way he acts cocky in front of everyone especially Eren, but just you show up and he’s a melted bubble of “baby this” “baby that”. No matter how much Connie and Sasha tease him for act like this around you. He’ll tell them to shut up of course, but he couldn’t care less. I see Jean as a very confident guy about these small things. In his mind, he only showing his love to his s / o why would he feel embarrassed for it? It’s very logical.

- Reiner Braun 

Modern au: The way he’s always trying to please you. Reiner is not the most expressive person at least not in words. He’s a serious man, but it doesn’t change how much he cares about you, how you’re always in his head. So now how he shows it to you? Buying you gifts. Sometimes an expensive one, sometimes a small one that he saw and wanted to bring to you, sometimes something that he thinks you might need. He’s the type of person who calls you when he’s at the store just to ask “Do you need pads?”. It’s really cute, but you have to tell him “stop spending your money, sir”  

Aot au: When Paradise attacked Marley, you were with Falco and Gabi at some random window watching Eren Jaeger eat the Warhammer titan. It was when you filled your lungs with air to scream his name that the tears came to your eyes. You knew Reiner wasn’t alright since he came back and to see him without any wish for battle and to live made your heart break into pieces. You knew that to fight it was the last thing he needed to do, but what could you do besides call for him? The kids did the same and your voice became a cry of “sorry”, but when he moved and put himself in a position to fight your broken heart lights up in hope for the man that you love. He was there. The way he was always there for you and the others warm your heart and soul.

[darthmaulification]

Hey, I want to make a request

In your Maul’s nsfw alphabet you said that he is afraid of hurting reader during sex, right? So, could you please write smth were this happens? Thank you!!

A/N: ..... anon..... the absolute Way you have me experiencing a cataclysm with this... i am imploding... 

thank you very much for requesting this, it was also a very good and welcome challenge for me to write. 😊👍 

hope you enjoy!! 💗

content: a lil bit o’ smut!, some angst??, but also lots of comfort and fluff!!, kinda sorta implied afab!reader??, maul commits a big oopsie on accident, crying during sex, blood and injury, maul gets angry at himself, but also soft!maul 🥺, lots of kissing, happy ending of course 🥰

word count: 2,334

Maul’s vigorous thrusting is complimented deliciously by the sloppy, desperate kisses he leaves all over the skin his mouth can reach. His crimson hands grip your wrists in a vice above your head, keeping them trapped against the bed. You moan into the sheets, arching up against him, hips tilting, silently begging him to go faster, harder, please, Maul...

“Harder, sweet girl?” Maul growls teasingly from above you, answering the plea you hadn’t realized you vocalized. He obeys, and you cry out his name when his hips clash into yours, drilling his cock into you, almost causing your knees to give from the force. The obscene yet beautiful sound of skin smacking together floats into your ears, mingling with Maul’s grunts and your persistent moaning.

Maul presses against you, the fiery skin of his bare chest flush against the arch of your back. The snapping of his hips make you rock in rhythmic tandem, and with each one you feel your peak nearing. Maul groans into the dip of your shoulder blades, his breath hot on the nape of your neck, where he licks across your flushed, dewy skin and leaves wet trails.

“Say my name again, my love.” He leaves a flat-tongued lick up your neck, nibbling at your ear. One of his hands drop from your wrists and travels down your side, rough fingers igniting sparks inside you. Maul kneads your waist, your belly, before clutching your hip. The brace allows him to further pound himself into you, and you see stars.

“Maul, Maul!” You scream his name, all high-pitched and airy, the pleasure toe-curling and promising of a powerful, sweet release. Maul exhales a rather handsome laugh into your ear, golden eyes glazed over with lust and something else wild. Eyes fluttering shut, you feel him suck a love bite into the nook where your neck and shoulder meet, arching your head back and against his shoulder.

Like a prayer, his name tumbles from your lips over and over again, the lamentation pleading and desperate. Your core throbs and clenches around your lover, a telltale sign of orgasm on the horizon. Everything seems to slow down... 

But then Maul bites. Hard. Your eyes snap open.

The sinking of sharp teeth into the flesh of your shoulder is so poignant, it pierces through the thick, lustful haze and roughly pulls you back to reality. You shriek, one most certainly not out of pleasure, but actual pain. It causes Maul to abruptly pull out and back, releasing your wrists in the process. At the same time you feel the emptiness of him leaving, a white-hot fire erupts from where Maul had definitely broken the skin and you writhe.

“Ow.” The whimper escapes in one word, voice thick, as tears immediately glaze over your eyes. Blinking furiously to keep them at bay, you squirm lethargically into an upright position, sitting on your knees.

“I’m...” From behind you Maul starts to say something, but his voice cuts out when you look down over your shoulder and reach a trembling hand up to the bite. When you actually see the wound, that’s when the tears start rolling down your cheeks. It’s... bad. 

The bite is a perfect oval of teeth indents and grooves, most of them deep and bleeding, the skin around them a harsh red and raised. The skin around it is an ugly mix of crimson, dark purple bruising, and pink with irritation. The entire area is swollen and pulsing with ache. Bottom lip wobbling, you trace a hesitant finger along the edge of the bite and the touch stings. You pull your hand back with a shaky gasp.

“My love, I...” Maul starts speaking again but stops and swallows. You can’t bring yourself to look at him, and you’re not exactly sure why. The tears are falling profusely now, and you shudder back heavier sobs. The room goes dreadfully silent, save for your small, quiet cries. You can feel Maul’s stare on you, more specifically on the injury he caused.

“I hurt you. I hurt you.” He repeats to himself, the tone of his voice inscrutable. He suddenly clambers up and off of the bed, the mattress shaking gently, and you listen as his footsteps disappear out of the room. The room is left thick with pain and sorrow, and also a stewing shame that was left hovering after Maul spoke. You look back at the bite after another round of tears pours from your eyes. Oh, Maul...

Footfalls sound again, and Maul reenters the room as your examining the darkening wound, particularly the trails of blood that have by now reached your waist. His heart clenches with a terrible ache, and guilt and anger bubble to the surface, stiffening him. He hurt you, he did. Maul almost doesn’t want to approach, almost thinks he shouldn’t, but you need the bacta.

You don’t look at Maul’s face when he sits next to you, though not as close he usually would, because you’re unsure if you want to see the expression that must be on it. Instead, you focus on his hands, at the wet rag, bacta, and bandages he’s holding. You also notice how his hands are quivering.

“Can I clean it?” Maul asks in an uncharacteristically quiet tone, though he’s very obviously seething with barely capped rage. That somewhat familiar self-loathing Maul gets from time to time radiates off of him, as does guilt. You sniffle, and bob your head yes. The pain is less sharp now, but the wound still needs to be dressed.

Maul says nothing as he wipes away the almost dried blood trails, or as he very tenderly dabs at the puffy wound, or when he pauses at his teeth marks that are purpling now, or even when he smears the bacta over them. The whole time, he works mechanically and in deafening silence. By the time Maul has placed a bandage over the bite, the cooling of the bacta has numbed your shoulder to a soft, dull ache and the hurt is all but gone.

“Maul...” You start softly after you feel his hands leave you, gaze climbing up his arms to his face. The shame-ridden expression on his face makes your heart sink, how his downcast golden eyes are aflame with guilt and swirling with fury. He doesn’t look at you as you turn fully to face him, and recoils when you place a hand on his cheek. His body, ever warm, is stiff beneath your touch.

“It’s okay.” You murmur and Maul’s gaze snaps up to meet yours, the anger flaring. His square jaw tenses and he shakes off your hand.

“No, it’s not. I hurt you.” And while you see and hear that familiar wrath and that unfamiliar guilt in his expression and voice, it never occurred to you before that Maul was also afraid. It makes you misty-eyed. You shake your head, shuffling closer to him.

“No, no, no— Maul, it was an accident.” You plead, placing your hands on either side of his face, rubbing circles with your thumbs. Usually, that simple touch calms him down, but this time Maul grabs your wrists and pulls his face from your grasp.

“I hurt you.” He says again, voice a hiss as he stares at you with conflicted, pained eyes, “I fucking made you cry.”

Maul suddenly leaps up from the bed, pacing across the room to roughly grab his pants off the floor. He pulls them on swiftly, and your brows furrow when he crosses the room to grab his belt and lightsaber.

“What are you doing?” You ask as he ties his belt across his waist, clipping his saber to it. He doesn’t look at you, and turns to the door.

“I’m leaving.”

“No, you are not.” You clamber up off the bed and onto your feet, stumbling slightly as you hastily make your way over to Maul. You’re able to get in front of him, planting your hands firmly on his chest and halting him. He glares down at you, angrily, sadly, and you ground yourself at look up at him.

“Move.” He growls, fists clenching and unclenching at his sides. Your lips turn down in a stubborn pout. Maul’s bristling under your touch, and you know you’re walking on precarious ground. But you’ve dealt with Maul’s temper enough to not have it faze you, and you’re sure you can handle his guilt the same.

“No.” You retort and you pull yourself flush against him, arms snaking around his torso in a tight hug, your eyes closing. Pressing your cheek against his chest, you sigh at the familiar warmth you love, digging your face into his beautiful crimson and black skin. Maul doesn’t wrap his arms around you in turn. You give his sternum a gentle kiss.

“Get off.” Maul’s growled order comes out as brashly and as firmly as always, but his commandeering attitude hasn’t worked on you for years. A sudden, but small, spark of playfulness curls your lips upwards into a tiny smile. You rub your hands up and down the length of Maul’s back, feeling every tight, defined muscle and occasionally the rough edge of his scar when your hand gets low enough and your pinky fingers brush it.

“Never.” Your murmur vibrates his chest, and you hum contentedly when you finally catch the lovely beatings of Maul’s twin hearts. They thrum in alternating rhythm beneath your ear, both strong and deep.

“You’re not running from me.” You speak again, eyes still closed. Maul is quiet, though you feel him lift an arm and a tender, yet firm, hand comes to rest on the low of your back. You smile fully, lightly gliding your nails over Maul’s back in the way you know he loves. His thumb starts to rub circles on your skin.

“I didn’t mean to hurt you.”

“I know.”

“I’m sorry.”

“I know.”

“... I was scared.”

“I know.”

You look up at Maul, eyes beneath heavy lids, your smile still bright and kind on your face. The conflict in his eyes has cooled to a simmer, being replaced more and more by that boyish, starry-eyed look he gets sometimes, the one that reminds you of how much he loves you. Maul’s other hand reaches up and cups your cheek, caressing your face. You tilt your head into the touch.

“Can you find it in your heart to forgive me?” He teases in a low murmur, honey gold eyes glimmering with rising mirth, and you quirk an eyebrow. Your hands stop to rest on his waist, just above the band of his pants. Maul’s face starts to inch in closer and closer to yours, stopping right when his lips are just above yours.

“Mm... you might have to do some convincing.” You whisper, eyes drooping further until your irises are nearly obscured by your eyelashes. Maul chuckles low in his throat, his hand shifting to place two fingers under your chin. He tilts your head up slightly, pulls you closer against him.

“How do you suppose I accomplish that?” He asks, breath puffing on your cheeks, gaze breaking from yours when he closes his eyes. You follow suit, and the tips of both your upper lips touch.

“... I can think of one way.” You say, and you tilt your head and your jaw slackens slightly, and Maul’s lips are on yours, balmy and soft. The kiss is slow, slower than he usually does, but it’s perfect and sultry and so Maul. You hum when he deepens the kiss, his tongue slipping past your lips to gyrate in your mouth. He explores everywhere, relearns every touch. It’s like you’re kissing for the first time all over again, lost in each other as if the years of memorizing each other’s body melted away into oblivion. Your hands clasp his waist, his one hand moves up to your mid back, and the heated, passionate kiss ends.

Maul pulls back a little more to look at you properly, tucking your hair behind your ear, and you open your eyes from the touch. He’s wearing that satisfied, lazy grin, the one that always makes him look mischievous. 

“Do you still need more convincing?” He asks with a tilt of his head, though he knows the answer you’re going to give by the cheeky smile that spreads across your face. You giggles, eyes sparkling, and you nod.

“Lots.” And with that, Maul’s lips are on yours, stifling your laughter in his mouth. He smothers you with kisses, peppering your lips, cheeks, and jaw, and you do the same for him, kissing over and over until you’re sure your lips will fall off. At some point, Maul heaves you into his arms, carries you to the bed, and drops your bodies atop it.

You squeal with laughter when he rolls on top of you, trapping you between his thighs, nuzzling and kissing the side of your face. Your hands fumble at his shoulders, before sliding to his face to turn his head to you. He’s grinning between your hands, looking absolutely charmed, and you kiss him on the nose, breathy from laughing.

When you pull away, Maul’s panting and still grinning like a madman, but his wild eyes have gone somewhat tame, controlled. His eyes dart all around your face, like he’s analyzing each one of your features. He breathes an exhale, licks his lips, and meets your gaze.

“I love you.” And his voice is slightly raspy, but he says it with such conviction, so raw and passionate, that the intensity floors you. Sure, he’s said those words to you before, but you don’t think you’ll ever get used to it. Your eyes go slightly misty again, and you smile sweetly, fingers rubbing the bases of his horns on his temples.

“I love you.” You reply and again, Maul sinks into you with a deep kiss, and you all but melt into each other, bodies a welcoming sanctuary for the other.

[unwrittenlibrary]

i know, you know.

summary -> bucky would die for you, but that’s not what you want from him.

words -> 1.7k

warnings -> light angst & near death & use of nickname (sweets)

notes -> i started game of thrones & i am obsessed with the idea of medieval bucky now so add that to my wips list

»»————-　☾　————-««

Bucky has no sense of self preservation.

You’re unsure if it’s because when he was a boy he was sent to war where it wasn’t a when you come home, it was an if. Or maybe because he’s lived so long he doesn’t feel like he needs to worry about life.

At first Bucky’s martyr-like care for you had made your pulse race. Throwing himself in front of punches thrown your way and saving you from bullets by reaching out his metal arm.

Then you realized he never thought things through. He just threw himself into harms way without worrying about whether or not he would survive the action.

You’ve learned all this within the two years you’ve known him. He’s become your best friend. Something more than that too. Shared stares and secret kisses that leave your heart fluttering and skin heating.

You love him, the kind of love that bubbles under the surface of kind smiles and more than friendly touches.

The kind that leaves your leg shaking as you sit beside him now, because Bucky Barnes has been asleep for three days.

A bullet had tore through his chest and left him gasping for air and bleeding out at your feet. You had dropped beside him to your knees after sending a bullet through the attackers chest.

“Sam, you’ve got to get us out of here.” You gasp into your comms. “Bucky’s hurt.” Your hands come to rest over the wound and you press harshly against them.

You look around in panic. “You idiot.” You mumble to him. Bucky’s blinking slowly and is obviously in a daze as he tries to focus on you leaning over him. “

“I’ll die before I let someone hurt you.” Bucky whispers. Your hands are stained red and Bucky’s eyes slide shut again after he breathes the words out. You let out a choked cry as you stare down at him.

“He’ll be okay.” Sam’s hand is resting on your shoulder in an attempt to comfort you. “Bucky is a fighter.”

You shake him off. “Bucky is an idiot.” You snap. Your eyes trail over his chest that’s rising and falling steadily.

‘He’s lucky.’ The doctor’s words come to your mind. ‘If it weren’t for that serum he most likely would have bled out in the field.’

You can’t stop thinking about the scene. The tips of your fingers are still stained red, the blood stubbornly refusing to wash away and remains a constant reminder of Bucky’s words in the field.

“Bucky is an idiot with no self preservation.” You start again. The words that had been caught in your throat the past three days come tumbling out like vile. “He’s selfish and doesn’t have any remorse for his choices or any idea what his actions may do to the people who care about him.”

You look at Bucky again. He doesn’t stir. His chest is still rising and falling steadily while his eyes remain closed. “I’m going to get a drink.” You push your chair our abruptly. Sam jumps away from you as you shove past him.

Guilt weighs you down immediately. You hadn’t meant to snap at Sam and you certainly didn’t mean all you said about Bucky.

It’s just - Bucky isn’t supposed to look like that. You had never seen him look so vulnerable. His skin pale and body completely immobile as he sleeps.

It has you panicking. Bucky, your Bucky, was strong and unmoving in a way that left enemies shaking. He had an aura that made you feel warm and confident with him by your side.

The hospital walls are a blank white that leave you simultaneously nauseous and comforted as you rest your back against it and shut your eyes.

Nobody stops to ask if you were okay or if you needed help, many of them too busy or preoccupied with actual patients. It was relieving to be able to have a moment of silence with nothing in your thoughts but what may be going on with the people you watched moves throughout the hospital.

How many were visitors there for a similar reason to yours? How many regular patients or who was a favorite nurse?

Sam’s voice makes you straighten out when you hear your name. You look at him apologetically, but before you can get the words out, he cuts you off. “Bucky’s awake.”

You pause. “Just like that?” You ask dumbly. You knew that this is what would happen. The doctor had explained that Bucky had been placed in an induced coma so his body could heal on it’s own and that he would wake up on his own time.

After three days though, you can’t imagine looking into Bucky’s eyes. You don’t know how to after seeing him so close to death.

“Just like that.” Sam says kindly. “I told you he was a fighter.”

You swallow thickly in an attempt to hold back tears. “I don’t… I’ll be in there soon.” You settle against the wall again.

Softly, Sam speaks, “Soon? He’s asking for you.” He tilts his head in an attempt to get you to look at him, but your eyes stay stuck to the ground. “Nobody ever said Bucky wasn’t an idiot, but he’s an idiot who cares. About you.”

“He can care about me without trying to kill himself!” You exclaim. You shoot an apologetic look toward the nurses who glance over at your voice.

There’s a beat of silence before Sam sighs. “He can. But how is supposed to know that? All Bucky has known is war, maybe in some way saving you from violence is all he knows how to do to show he cares.”

You look away again before you heave out a sigh. Your mind is a scrambled mess of panic, stress and exhaustion. All you want is to go home and forget any of this ever happened.

“I’ll give you some time.” Sam presses a reassuring kiss to the top of your head. “Just talk to him, yeah?”

You nod reluctantly. “I will.” When you don’t move, Sam raises his eyebrows. “Just… Give me a second.” When Sam leaves you in the hallway again, you suck in a deep breath in preparation.

<- ☾ ->

“Sweets.” Bucky smiles softly when he spots you in the doorway. “Been wondering where you were.”

You look him over like you’re expecting to see him covered in blood again. “Needed some air.” You answer curtly.

Bucky watches you quietly as you move further into the room. “Something wrong?”

“I’m glad you’re okay.” You avoid answering the question. Bucky notices you pause at the end of his bed and stares with furrowed brows.

When you don’t say anything else he forces out an awkward chuckle. “I’m always gonna be okay, sweets.”

“That’s not true.” You snap. You heave in a breath as Bucky watches with wide eyes. “You don’t get to just… Just wake up and be fine.”

“I am fine.” Bucky waves his hands out in front of him as if to show you. You shake your head in disbelief. “What? I am!”

“Your blood was on my hands!” You yell, shocking Bucky into silence. “You were bleeding out! Bucky, I had to watch you almost die in my arms. You don’t… You don’t get to sit here and just say you’re fine.”

“Sweets…” Bucky trails off. His eyes move over you like you’re a wild animal and he’s afraid you’ll pounce. It makes you even more upset that you look like the irrational one here.

You look away. “You were bleeding out and there was nothing I could do but watch. I can’t… I can’t do that again.”

“What am I supposed to do?” His voice raises and you know it’s so you’ll look over at him again. “Just let them hurt you?”

There’s a moment of tense silence before you nod. “Yes.”

“I’m not doing that. I can’t and I won’t.” Bucky’s shaking his head wildly at the thought of you getting hurt. “That’s not an option.”

You scoff. You’re still standing at the end of his bed and you can’t bring yourself to move closer. Not with how angry you are at him. “What is this self-sacrificial bullshit? Who does it help?”

“You!” Bucky yells. You’re almost afraid somebody will come in to check on him and find the two of you in the midst of a fight. “I’d rather be in this bed than see you in it.”

You let out a humorless laugh, but it just ends up as an exhausted sigh. “I can’t lose you, Bucky.” You finally admit in a whisper. “I can’t… I need you here, alive.”

Bucky’s eyes soften as you looks you over. “Come here.” Your eyes grow teary as he opens his arms for you crawl in beside him. “Please, sweets. Come lay with me.”

“Bucky…” You sniffle as the beginning of a sentence trails off. You move quickly to lay beside him, careful of the wires. “I don’t want you to die for me.”

His hand runs up and down your arm as your head rests on his shoulder. “This life. My life. It’s been full of violence, I just want to protect you from it.”

“You can protect me without almost dying. I won’t watch you do this again.” You look up at him sadly, the sound of his monitor beeping steadily somehow helps you breathe calmer as you push the words out. “If you want me in your life, you’ll give up this self-sacrificing bullshit.”

Bucky shifts so he can look down at you. “What else should I do?”

“Let me fight on my own. Have faith that I can handle myself.” Your hand trails down to intertwine with his. “If I… If I ever got hurt in the field like this, I’d rather you fight for me than die for me.”

Bucky inhales sharply. “I do have faith in you.” His left hand comes up to rest on your cheek and turn you eyes to face him again. “I know you’re a good fighter. I just… I…”

“I know.” You agree. The words are clear in his eyes and the nervous smile on his face. “I just need you to promise me, no more being a martyr. I don’t need anything else right now.”

Bucky’s thumb gently runs over your cheek bone. “I promise to try.” You allow your eyes to shut as Bucky leans down to press a kiss to your forehead.

There are words unspoken between you two. Things that should be said and talked about, but it can wait. You’re content to lay with him, like this, for now.

»»————-　☾　————-««

notes -> just a short bucky piece while i work on my longer fics! next part of the survivor series should be out soon.

[ray-ray-writings]

The Blade-Technoblade

This is a Technoblade x gn!reader in the dreamsmp! I hope you enjoy!

Prompt 101 from this list!

Masterlist here

Warning: Like a few cuss words. 

Y/N is forced to face their biggest fear when it quite literally comes knocking at their front door. 

Y/N’s POV

I knew who Technoblade was. Of course I knew who Technoblade was. You would be stupid not to. Everyone had heard the rumors about the famous Blood God. The wars he fought in, the lives he’d taken, the blood he’d spilt. And all of it for fun. He did the things because he found it fun. The Blade did things for pleasure and satisfaction, not caring about the wreckage and the consequences left in his wake. He frightened just about everyone around him, no one wanting to be around him longer than necessary. Including me. 

To be honest, The Blade scared the hell out of me. 

And for a while, that was okay. I lived in the DreamSMP and The Blade was always traveling across the world. We would never meet and that was just fine with me. Or so I thought. 

Cut to Wilbur and Tommy losing the election. Schlatt somehow managed to over take the votes and actually win the presidential election of L’Manberg. And his first act? Forcing Wilbur and Tommy into exile from their own nation. 

The whole situation broke my heart. Wilbur and Tommy were my friends but as much as I wanted to stop what was happening, I couldn’t. I’m just one person and besides, Schlatt is rightfully the president, he won… fair and square. What he says, goes. 

I knew about Pogtopia though. Wilbur and Tommy’s secret nation of just the two of them as they planned a way to overthrow Schlatt. I knew Tubbo was helping them and I knew that just about everyone was on their side. I, on the other hand, chose to completely stay out of it. I didn’t want to fight. War scared me, almost as much as The Blade did. I didn’t tell Schlatt about the goings on in his own cabinet and didn’t tell Wilbur about the happenings here in L’Manberg. I completely stayed out of it. 

Well that was until it literally came knocking on my front door one day. 

I was just cleaning up around my house. Putting things away and organizing chests when there was a series of loud knocks on my front door. Furrowing my brow, I quickly shut the chest I was sorting through before making my way to the door to answer it. When I swung it open, I wished immediately that I didn’t. 

My heart stopped in my chest and my breath froze in my throat. There on my front porch, behind my front door, standing directly in front of me was the Blood God himself. Before I could even compose myself enough to speak I was being pushed to the side and the pink headed man was entering my home. “Move,” his gruff voice commanded as he brushed past me. 

I slowly turned myself to follow him as he stalked into my home. “Close the door damn it,” The Blade cursed out as he ducked into my living room. I had no choice, what was I going to do? Say no to a god?

I managed to take a gulp and unfreeze my limbs from their shocked stagnant state. I carefully closed the door before carefully walking toward the same room that the pink headed god had entered just moments ago. 

There he was.

He was still standing. Well he was pacing. Back and forth in front of my fireplace, muttering something under his breath. I had started a small fire this morning to keep me warm while I clean… that’s not important. What’s important is that there is a literal god in my living room. One I am absolutely terrified of at that. 

I carefully crept a little further in the room, trying to get a bit closer so I could hear him. “Stupid Wilbur. Not going to get caught, my ass. Stupid Tommy. You’ll be fine,” his monotone grumbled out. I was confused for a moment but then it hit me. Techno is Tommy and Wilbur’s brother. Of course they would call him for help. 

The Blade’s communicator beeped from his pocket causing him to all but rip it from its place. A loud groan escaped his lips as he angrily typed back before throwing the device against the couch causing me to flinch. The Blade must have seen this because he stopped his pacing and his head turned to me. I once again flinched under his intense stare and kept my eyes focused on the ground. 

I heard a sigh escape the man’s lips. “I’m sorry about barging in here like that. That was rather rude of me,” The Blood God’s voice filled the room. He actually sounded sorry, which was surprising. The man who brought whole villages to their knees for sport is apologizing to little ole me. 

“Why did you?” I managed to croak out shyly, “Barge in here I mean.” The Blade let out a snort of disbelief and I heard him move and sit down on my couch as he let out a deep breath. “Wilbur and Tommy convinced me to sneak into Manberg to spy. They gave me specific instructions to stay hidden and not to kill people. We need the element of surprise that I’m here fighting for Pogtopia. What they failed to mention is that Schlatt, Quackity, and Tubbo like to take walks around for meetings.” I let out a small hum, letting my eyes shift up just a little bit, taking a small step toward the couch. They do like to do that, I’m surprised Tubbo didn’t tell them that.

“So then while I was scouting out the place, I caught sight of them and they were heading straight for me. I remember Wilbur and Tommy telling me about you and your house and so when I recognized your place I figured I would hide out here for a while… Until they stop walking around,” Techno finished, looking over the back of the couch, his red eyes boring into me. 

My heart began to pound loudly in my chest. Had it been anyone else, I would not have minded. But the one person I fear more than anything? That’s a little bit of a different story. But what was I going to say? No? To a god that never hesitates to kill someone if they disrespect him? You’re joking. So I let out a deep breath, tried to relax my shoulders a little bit before nodding. “Yeah,” I squeaked out. I cleared my throat before continuing, “Yeah. That’s fine.” 

The Blood God threw a small thankful smile over his shoulder at me before turning his head back around. “Thanks, I appreciate it,” He hummed, picking up his communicator again before checking it. 

While he was distracted, I took a few more small steps forward and came to stop at the end of my couch. I didn’t want to make him or myself uncomfortable by sitting next to him on the couch, but he was in my house. The Blade must have realized this because his head turned from the small device in his hand to look at me. “You can sit down if you want. It is your house and your couch.” 

I managed to let out a small nervous giggle before carefully moving and sitting myself down on the couch. I sat perfectly straight facing forward, not letting myself relax, still quite scared. Blood God’s eyes were still on me and I heard a small chuckle escape his lips. “I won’t bite you, you know? There is no reason to be that tense. You haven’t done anything to warrant being bitten,” he told me, amusement lacing his voice. 

I cleared my throat and attempted to relax into the couch. “I’m just a little nervous. I’ve heard a lot of things about you and not all of them are good…. I’m a bit scared of you,” I admitted. I really didn’t want to offend the man but he had a right to know. 

The Blade let out a sigh as he set his commutator down before giving me his full attention. “I know that there are a lot of stories that surround my name. I know I’m the Big Bad Scary Blood God. But just like you believe those stories about me, please believe me when I say that is not all I am. The same man that drop kicked that orphan is the same man that loves farming potatoes.” 

His words caused me to freeze for just a moment before I let my head completely turn to him. “You’ve drop kicked an orphan?” I questioned incredulously. His eyes widened in a little bit of panic. “It was in self defense!” He exclaimed. Even if I wanted to, I couldn’t stop the laughter that bubbled out of my throat at his shoddy attempt at defending himself. All of the tension left my body as I keeled over myself in laughter. 

As I was laughing, I heard a deep chuckle join me in my laughter. The soft tones warmed my heart and made my laughter die down and a soft smile formed over my face. “You’re pretty funny Mr. Blood God,” you admit to the pink haired god. A soft smile of his own formed across his face. “Thanks. And please, call me Techno.” “Okay.... Techno.” 

Together on the couch, The Bla-- Techno and I got to know each other. I told him about myself and he told me about him. The real him. I learned that he did in fact love farming potatoes, and he once competed against a child to see who could grow the most potatoes… He won obviously. He also told me about his collection. How his piglin hybrid side of him has forced him to keep a hoard of all things golden and shiny. He even told me about the voices. It helped me understand just a bit more of why he does the things he does. It made me less afraid.

So much so that by the time he was ready to leave, I actually didn’t want him too. The two of us had grown a lot closer. I was no longer scared of who I knew to be The Blood God. I now knew of Techno. I knew the man behind the persona, the sweet, kind, and funny man that had very quickly stolen my heart. 

“I guess this is goodbye,” Techno claimed, scratching the back of his head as the two of us stood near my front door. The sun had finally set and the coast was completely clear, meaning Techno could safely make it out of Manberg. 

“I guess so,” I echoed, reaching up and scratching my shoulder, looking down to the ground trying to avoid his eyes. I really didn’t want him to go. Now that I had learned the Blood God wasn’t what I thought he was, I wanted to know more. I wanted to learn more about Techno. I wanted to know if this feeling that had developed in my chest was real or not. I wanted to know if I had actually fallen in love with the man I had once feared. 

The two of us stood there in uncomfortable silence for a few moments before I finally decided to break it. “I guess I was wrong about you. You’re not so bad after all,” I told him, my gaze moving from the floor to lock eyes with him. 

A warm grin overtook his face at my confession. “Yeah?” I gave him a small nod and he let out a little laugh at that. “That’s great to hear and makes me much less nervous about my next question,” Techno admitted, running his hand through his pink locks. “Hmm?” I hummed softly, trying to prompt him to ask his question. 

Techno let out a deep breath before giving me a nervous smile. “Well, I, uh… I was wondering if maybe you wanted to hang out again some time. I had a really nice time today and I would love to do it again. And maybe, if you’re up for it, it could be a… a date?” My heart melted at his words. He looked so nervous and so cute as he shyly asked me for another hang out. But maybe the next time, be a date. 

I couldn’t help the soft smile that twitched onto my lips. I took a few steps forward, carefully reaching out, and placing a soft hand against his cheek. Once I was sure that Techno was okay with the gentle contact, I carefully leaned up onto my tiptoes and slowly leaned forward, slow enough to give Techno the opportunity to pull away. He didn’t. 

Our lips met in a soft and gentle kiss, one so on the complete opposite of what I pictured the Blood God to be. It was soft and sweet, it made my eyes flutter closed and my toes curl. One of Techno’s own hands left his side and carefully cupped my own cheek, ever so gently enticing me to get closer to him. And who am I to refuse a god?

The gentle kiss was broken as the two of us parted for air. My eyes fluttered open at the same time Techno’s did. Our eyes met, causing the two of us to grin shyly at each other. The moment was soft and tender. Something I enjoyed a lot, and I could tell it affected Techno the same way.

“In case that didn’t make it obvious,” I whispered gently, not wanting to break the soft tension, “I would love to go on a date with you.” The soft grin on Techno’s face widened immensely at my words. “Yeah?” He asked, trying to get reassurance. “Yeah,” I confirmed with a wide smile painting my lips. “For real, 100%. I want to get to know you more and I would love to see you again.” 

Techno stared at me in awe for a moment before giving me a small nod. “Okay then. I will see you tomorrow then,” he claimed decidedly before carefully pulling his hand away from my face, causing me to follow suit.

“Tomorrow?” I asked, a little surprised at the soonest of it, but it’s not like I minded. “If that works for you.” I gave the man a smile and a confirming nod. “Works just fine with me.” A matching smile painted itself on his lips, mirroring mine. “Alright then. I’ll see you at the same time tomorrow.” 

Reluctantly, he reached out and grabbed the doorknob and opened my front door. Techno moved to walk out the door but just as he was about to be outside, he stopped. He turned on his heel and gave me one final warm smile. “Goodnight Y/N.” Techno stated softly, before leaning forward and pressing a quick but soft peck to my lips. I was surprised at the contact but before I could react, his lips were off mine. So instead, I gave him a warm smile in return, “Goodnight Techno.” Then he was gone. 

I let out a dreamy sigh as I closed the door behind Techno. I turned around and let myself lean backwards against the door and slide to the floor. A dreamy sigh escaped my lips as I let my fingers dance on my lips, the tingles of the sweet kiss still very present. Who knew that I would be in love with The Blade? Yes I said it, I’m in love with The Blade…. No, I'm in love with Techno. And I couldn’t be more happy about it. Gosh I can’t wait until tomorrow. 

There you have it! I hope you enjoyed! If you did, be sure to leave a like and maybe even a reply or a reblog telling me your favorite part!!!

[mypoisonedvine]

The Kind of Girl You Take Home to Mom | Andy Barber x reader (part 1)

summary: Jacob was finally taking his college girlfriend home to meet his family.  how was she, a sheltered Harvard girl, supposed to know not to trust the famous, respected lawyer who just so happened to be his father?

word count: 3.5k

warnings: smut (dub con??), age gap, infidelity, fingering, dirty talk, a lil choking, wedding ring kink, lots of awkward conversations lmao

@donutloverxo @evnscvll @ballyhoobarnes​

“They’re gonna love you,” Jacob beamed at you as you buckled into the passenger seat.

“I dunno, Jake, I’m not usually a parent’s favorite…” you mumbled nervously, adjusting to be comfortable for the drive.  It wasn’t that long of a trip— just from your dorm at Harvard to the southern suburbs of Boston; your discomfort was a lot more psychosomatic, in fact.  Isn’t it normal to be afraid to meet your boyfriend’s parents?

“Well, my parents are pretty chill,” he assured you.  “Besides, what’s not to like?”

You still felt a little dizzy as you tried to prepare yourself for a weekend with them.  You’d hoped Jacob would just have you guys meet at lunch or something but nope, he insisted that you come with him the next time he visited over a three-day weekend and you’d agreed cause you didn’t know how to say no.  Now here you were, practicing ‘Hi, it’s so nice to meet you!’ in your head as if you were going to forget how to speak English in the next fifteen minutes.  

Honestly, with how nervous you were, it was plausible.

The sun through the trees cast flashing light and shadows through your window as you watched the scenery roll by.  Something by Bon Iver was playing through the car speakers, but the mumbled lyrics were lost to your distracted mind.  You’d heard a decent amount about his parents through him— his dad was apparently quite the bigshot lawyer— but you had no idea how much they knew about you.  You hoped he talked about you a lot but you also sort of hoped he didn’t, so that you’d have a clean slate to start with.

“Your destination is on the left,” Google Maps informed you both.

“There it is,” Jacob smiled as he lifted a hand from the wheel to point to the house.  It was nice, really nice, and a little tinge of jealousy hit you.  

You took a deep breath and gave him a weak smile as you prepared to meet Mr. and Mrs. Barber.

~

You went through the motions of every great introduction to people who need to like you.  So nice to meet you, I’ve heard great things, you have a lovely home, all that good stuff.  Laurie, his mom, was bubbly and kind, and insisted you not call her Mrs. Barber because it made her feel old, apparently; Mr. Barber was a little more stern but still seemed warm enough.

After some basic hand-shaking and introductions, Laurie had explained that she was making dinner.  You offered to help but she insisted that you wouldn’t lift a finger while staying in her home.  That sure did sound nice, though you felt guilty.

So, while Jacob unpacked your and his stuff in the guest bedroom, and while Laurie was cooking, you and Mr. Barber were stuck together in the living room.

“We’ve been hearing a lot about you,” he informed you.

“Oh, r-really?” you stammered.  “Only good things, I hope.”

“Only great things,” he assured.  

You nodded, not sure what to say but realizing the conversation was going to peter out quickly…

“You can relax,” he encouraged with a smile, “we’re not giving you the third-degree or anything.”

You let out a little laugh of relief, trying to keep from looking too rigid.  “I’m sorry,” you sighed, “I just really want to make a good impression.”

“You already have,” he assured you.  “You’re a natural.”

“Oh, I don’t know about that,” you laughed nervously, “I’ve never met anybody’s parents before.  I mean, of course I’ve met people’s parents, just not a boyfriend’s or anything— that’s not usually my sort of thing…”

His eyes went a little wide, and you mirrored it as you realized the implication.  “Oh, I don’t mean— it’s not like I only do hook-ups or something, I don’t do that, I just meant I’ve never really had a serious relationship before—” oh god, is that a bad thing to say?  Does it make me seem like I’m too immature for Jacob; or does he not think we’re serious?  “I mean, it’s not like we’re serious serious, it’s not— we haven’t really— we’re not thinking that far ahead, we’re young and all that…” God, even Jacob and I haven’t had this conversation, why am I having it with his father?!

“Well, whatever it is that you two are, he seems to care for you greatly.”

“That’s… good to hear,” you sighed, hoping you could just keep your mouth shut for a few minutes.  Awkward silence was leagues better than this.

“The weather’s great so I thought we could sit outside for dinner!” Laurie suggested.  

“Sounds lovely, honey,” Mr. Barber nodded, jumping off of the couch at any excuse to get out of this conversation.  You resisted the urge to hide your face in your hands.

Their patio was spacious and covered in meticulously-gardened plants, with a glass table that had already been set with four place settings.  You helped carry out some of the food and took your seat in the wrought iron chair.

“Do you want any wine, sweetie?” Laurie offered as she turned towards you, bottle in hand.

“Oh, I’m not twenty-one yet,” you explained quickly.

“Well, yeah,” Laurie raised an eyebrow, “but we’re not so sheltered, we know what college kids get up to— just a glass won’t hurt.”

“You’re kind to offer,” you relented, “but I don’t drink.”

“Really?” Laurie questioned, looking a little incredulous.

“Really,” Jacob butted in.  He laughed when his mother gave him a look of surprise.  “Yeah, I know, she’s like, the one person at Harvard who’s sober.”

“Finally, a little respect for the law in this house,” Mr. Barber added as he stepped out onto the patio.  

“You want a glass, honey?” she asked him, seeming to ignore his apparent distaste for her offering alcohol to you.

“Sure,” he nodded, taking a seat.

“So,” Mr. Barber addressed you as he sat down, “what are you majoring in?”

“English,” you answered with a nervous smile.

“And what do you wanna do with that?”

“Whatever lets me read as much as majoring in it allows me to,” you chuckled.

“Do you think you’ll go to graduate school, get a Master’s?” he pressed.

“Actually,” Jacob interjected, “she’s thinking of going for a doctorate.”

Mr. Barber turned back to you with an impressed expression.  “Wow!  Smart girl.”

Something about him calling you ‘girl’ made you feel yourself blush slightly, and shift in your seat.  Or maybe it was the praise.  Still, for some reason it coming from him felt wrong but wonderful at the same time.  “Um, I suppose so…”

It continued on like that for a while; he and Laurie asked you questions, you and Jacob told a few stories.  Mr. Barber managed to get you to open up a little and not be so worried about him judging you or assessing you all the time.  But then again, you’d heard he was a bigshot lawyer so he probably knew how to get people comfortable and talking so he could go in for the kill.

Sometimes you caught him looking at you like he was about to go in for that kill at any moment.

~

“Do you think it went okay?” you asked with faux nonchalance as you slipped into bed, watching Jacob brush his teeth in front of the mirror.

“Okay?  I fink it went greaf!” he responded, the toothbrush in his mouth making his words difficult to parse.

You laughed a little at his silliness, though you were glad to hear he thought it was a successful day.

“And they don’t mind us sharing a bed?”

Jacob snorted with a quick laugh before spitting out his toothpaste into the sink.  “They’re not conservative like that,” he dismissed with a shake of his head.  “I mean, we’re boyfriend and girlfriend, it’s normal for us to share a bed.”

You nodded because it was true, but you also found yourself twisting a piece of your hair between three fingers; you wondered if his parents assumed that you two did everything that was normal for boyfriends and girlfriends to do… and, as always, you wondered if Jacob was growing impatient with you in that regard.  He always said that he didn’t mind and was going to wait as long as you needed, but it was still hard to believe.  Sometimes you just wished he would break up with you so that he wouldn’t have to deal with celibacy and you wouldn’t have to deal with the guilt.

“You ready for bed?” he prompted, tearing you from your train of thought as he sat down on the other side of the bed.

“Oh, uh, yeah,” you agreed with a nod, laying down completely and plugging in your phone.

Jacob switched off his bedside lamp, and you were ready to fall asleep, but he quickly pulled you into him.

Oh, yes, cuddling.  This was normal, this was expected; you should feel relaxed right now, and not nervous and confused.  You tried to force yourself to, but it didn’t really work. 

He hummed contentedly, kissing behind your ear.  “Goodnight, honeybun.”

Another girl would love this kind of attention.  Any girl should.  You smiled, but it was fake.  “Goodnight, Jake,” you replied quietly.  You really did like him, you never doubted that.  But as he drifted to sleep beside you and you took in the surroundings of Jacob’s old room— renovated and updated, but still feeling like the graveyard of a childhood— you couldn’t help but question why you were here at all when you knew, deep down, that this relationship was missing something that couldn’t be found.

~

You woke up for no particularly good reason in the middle of the night, a habit of yours.  Squinting as you lifted up and unlocked your phone, you read the clock: 2:16 a.m.

You sighed and realized that you weren’t going to be able to get back to sleep, at least for a while.  

Peeling Jacob’s limp arm off of you and slipping out from underneath the comforter, you tiptoed out of the bedroom and shut the door behind you.

The streetlights cast faint yellow light into the kitchen, enough that you could see somewhat; enough that you didn’t stub your toe, thankfully. 

You did your best to open the refrigerator quietly as you searched for a snack.  I could make a sandwich but that’s a bit too much food.  There’s so much weird diet food in here, is that Mr. or Mrs. Barber’s?  A glass of juice probably isn’t enough.  Yogurt?  Hmm, maybe…   

“Burning the midnight oil?” the deep and smooth voice of Mr. Barber came from behind you.

You jumped a little as you spun around, finding him standing in the entryway to the kitchen, wearing pajamas and a smug little smile.  You let go of the door and it slowly closed itself; Mr. Barber turned on a dim light and you were able to see him a little better.

“I think we’re a little bit past midnight, sir,” you chuckled softly.

He seemed slightly uncomfortable with the title, shifting awkwardly and clearing his throat.

“Did I wake you up?” you asked, concerned.

“No, no, not at all,” he shook his head.  “I haven’t been sleeping so well recently.  A finger of scotch usually helps…”

For some reason, him telling you this felt too intimate.  You cleared your throat nervously as he poured the aforementioned drink into a crystal glass.

“You really don’t drink?” Andy asked you suddenly, and you laughed a little.

“I don’t know why it’s so hard for you guys to believe!” you replied.

“No, no, I believe you…” he trailed off.  “I guess I’m just surprised because Jacob seems really into the party scene.  You two seem sort of opposite in a lot of ways.”

“Yeah, we are,” you admitted.  “I think it works for us.”

“You keep him honest?” 

“I keep him from failing out,” you scoffed, though as soon as you’d said it, you instantly regretted your brutal honesty.

“Ah, I get it,” Andy smirked.  “He’s partying while you’re back in the dorm studying enough for the both of you.”

“That’s not—”

“Don’t lie to me,” he instructed, a little more stern than you anticipated.  “With what I do for a living, I’ve learned to spot a lie from a mile away.”

You swallowed, thinking this was getting a bit out of hand already.  “Well, I ought to get back to bed,” you realized, “and… so should you.”

As you stood up and started to walk past him, he suddenly reached out and grabbed your arm, stopping you.

“Mr. Barber, I—”

“Call me Andy,” he encouraged, stepping closer until you were pressed against the wall and he was pressed against you, finally releasing your arm but leaving you just as trapped.  This close up, your height difference was staggering.

“O-okay, Andy, I don’t—”

“Has he fucked you yet?” 

The question made your eyes shoot wide open and your stomach burn with embarrassment.  How could he ask you something like that?  But he seemed cool and collected, staring down at you as he took the last sip of his scotch and set the glass aside.

“I think as his father, I have a right to know,” he added firmly.

“I… we don’t… he and I aren’t…”

“So, no?”

You nodded quickly.

“Well, why not?  Is there something wrong with him?”

No, there’s nothing wrong with him at all, and I hate that about him because I should love him but I don’t.  “N-no!”

He looked you up and down quickly before responding.  “I can’t imagine how he keeps his hands off you…”

You knew you shouldn’t be enjoying this kind of attention, especially from your boyfriend’s father, but something about his gaze made shivers erupt in its wake.  You looked away and forced yourself to remember everything great about Jacob.

“He’s been very patient with me,” you explained shakily.  “He knows I’m not ready.”

“Not ready?”

“To be with someone… that way…”

You shivered when his fingers began to toy with the hem of your nightgown.  “This is nice,” he complimented softly.

“Um, thank you…”

“You’re a very beautiful girl,” he informed you, leaning in a little closer.

“I—” you began, but he was already about to kiss you.  You almost melted into it, you almost let your eyes flutter shut as you tilted your head; thankfully, you stopped yourself at the last second, pushing your hands against his chest.  He was strong enough that your protest would’ve been useless if he hadn’t chosen to stop in the moment.

“Andy, your wife…” you explained weakly.

“She hasn’t touched me in years,” he grimaced.  “She just wants my money, and the appearance of the perfect family.  You have no idea what it’s like to lie next to someone every night and still be completely alone.”

For a split second, Jacob flashed in your mind and you wondered if you did have an idea.  

“I’m… sorry to hear that…” you mumbled.  “But I can’t— you can’t—”

He lifted your chin with one finger, and you looked up at him with wide doe eyes.  “Is he treating you right, sweetheart?  Is he everything you deserve?  Don’t lie to me…”

“He’s…” you whispered shakily, unsure how to respond, “he’s great.”

Andy chuckled incredulously, seemingly not believing your answer.  “Listen, he’s my son; I love him, obviously.  But I know his flaws better than anyone.  And even though I like to think he’s smarter than a lot of boys his age, they’re all the same when it comes to one thing: girls.”

“I think he’s pretty smart in that regard,” you defended.

“If he was smart, he would be taking you to nice places, buying you nice things, treating you right.  If he was smart, he would’ve fucked you already.  If he was smart,” he smirked a little, “he wouldn’t have left you alone with me.”

His hand slipped under the bottom of your nightgown, grabbing your thigh.

“Andy!” you yelped, but he lifted a finger to his mouth with a soft shushing noise.

“Don’t wanna wake anybody, now do you?”

I kinda do though… you thought to yourself.

His fingers travelled higher and higher, nearly brushing against the edge of your panties; you shivered, wondering if you should stop him, and if so, how.

Your hands were still resting on his chest from when you’d tried to push him away, but instead of fighting back all they did was clench and pull at the soft cotton of his t-shirt as his pointer finger hooked into your underwear and pulled them down.

The thick, calloused pad of his finger swiped through your folds, and you bit your lip.  Something about it being the middle of the night, about the forbidden nature of it all, about the way his gaze burned right through you made your entire body so sensitive.  He found your clit instantly, and barely had to touch it to get you bucking your hips into his touch; you only somewhat managed to suppress your gasp.

He leaned in to kiss you again, but this time it actually came to fruition and his lips were soft but determined against your own.  You reciprocated eagerly, eliciting a little smile from him as you both realized how bad you wanted this even when you shouldn’t.  The moment his tongue slipped into your mouth was also the moment his middle finger slid into your tight and pulsing channel.  You moaned with surprise and it mixed with his own soft groans while your tongues intermingled.

A second finger joined his first, stretching your walls and making you nearly bite down on his lip in your mouth.  He smiled and twisted them within you, pushing right against a spot that made your knees weak, while his thumb stretched out to keep circling around your clit.

He broke the kiss to watch your face, admiring the way your brows furrowed together, and your eyes fluttered shut, and your swollen lip caught between your teeth.  Your head fell back against the wall, the effort of supporting it suddenly seeming too much, and it caused you to look up at him and make some awkward yet sensual eye contact.

“Has he ever made you come like this?” he whispered, jealousy apparent in his tone.  You shook your head ‘no.’  “Has anyone ever made you come like this?”  You shook your head again.  “Fuck,” he groaned.  “Including yourself?”

You nodded and he laughed a little, stooping down to kiss your neck.  “Always such a good girl, huh?”

His tone shifted as realization crossed over his face.  “Baby… am I the first thing that’s ever been inside you?”

You bit your lip, feeling a bit embarrassed, and nodded again.

He groaned and pressed his hips forward into your hip; the hard shape of his cock against you made you gasp.  “Feel what you do to me?” he smirked.  “God, you’re too fuckin’ perfect…”

“A-Andy, ‘m close,” you whimpered 

“Come on my fingers, sweet girl,” he encouraged.  “I wanna see how pretty you look when you let go.”

It felt like a wave of sensation was about to crash over you, faster than you knew how to handle it.  You reached down and tried to push him away by the forearm, an instinctive way to run from the intensity of the feeling as it started to make your eyes roll back and your toes go numb.  But he was too strong; your fighting was useless as his fingers kept fucking into you and pressing against your constricting walls.

“No, baby, you can take it,” he hissed.  “Come for me, sweetheart.”

Just as you were sure you were about to scream, his other hand clapped over your mouth.  You could feel the hard shape of his wedding ring against your lips and just as guilt hit you, so did your orgasm.  Your knees went weak; you would’ve fallen if it weren’t for the hand inside you all but holding you up.  

Your moans were muffled into his calloused palm as pleasure rippled through you.  You felt your channel grip his fingers at the same time as a gush of arousal coated his hand and even began to drip down to his arm.

Your breathing slowly stabilized, and Andy trusted you enough to finally take his hand away.  He pulled his fingers out of you and brought them to his lips, licking them with a smirk.  “You taste like heaven, honey,” he praised.  “Go ahead, clean off my fingers,” he instructed as he pressed the fingers into your mouth; it was already hanging slack from exhaustion.  You closed your lips and sucked on his fingers, moaning at your own taste and at the way his skin felt on your tongue.

Once he was apparently satisfied with your work, the hand in your mouth moved back and instead wrapped around your neck as you whimpered.

“Tomorrow,” he growled against your ear.  “I’m gonna get you alone, and we’re gonna finish this.”

You were a little too busy panting to respond to that.  Honestly, you had expected that you would have some post-nut clarity at this point, or even just be satisfied once you’d reached your peak.  But apparently not; even still coming down from it, you already wanted more.  With a sigh, you realized that you were already completely addicted to Andy Barber, and you were going to come back for more as soon as you could.

“Tomorrow,” you agreed in a raspy whisper.

(part 2) // (part 3)