#i got distracted by other hyperfixations for a few years

[5-htreuptakeinhibitor]

i love art, im very grateful for adderall for gifting me with the executive function, ease of prioritization, and clearness of thought <3

[green-typewriterz]

Some hurt/comfort with sam please?

When the Sun Hits

Sam Winchester x gn!reader

summary: set in 2001, you and Sam finally get the chance to go to prom together

Ask: Some hurt/comfort with sam please?

Warnings: injury, mention of blood, sam is pining and awkward

Author Notes: thank you for this ask my love! Sorry for disappearing for so long, i got a new hyperfix im sure many of you can understand! Also I took what I had an ran with it so sorry if this wasn’t what you imagined!

word count: 2135

SOMETIME IN 2001 - FEBRUARY

Sam sat across the room from you, his chair far in the back and to the left whereas you sat to the front…you had pulled the short straw. You found yourself turning around every now and then, locking eyes across the room, trying to get him to laugh. He was in one of his bad moods today, hair in front of his eyes and hood up. You and Dean had pretty much accepted the fact that you’d be moving around alot, your families working together as hunters but Sam wasn’t as happy about it. He didn’t want to leave again.

“Y/N,” the teacher began and you spun back around, eyes wide. “Eyes on the front please, Sam doesn’t need you distracting him.” You nodded and got back to work, though you could feel Sam’s gaze burning on the back of your head.

You had known Sam for as long as you could remember, the two of you used to share toys while your parents were out hunting with John. He was always a shy kid, but this year seemed to be the worst of it. Maybe he was going through a phase.

Class finally ended and you packed up your books before heading to the back of the class, kneeling down and leaning against Sam’s desk. He looked up and smiled, muttering a quiet, “hi.” you grinned and grabbed his bag, watching as he pushed the hair away from his eyes (it had been longer than usual lately).

“Are you still upset about moving again?” You asked, walking alongside him, his hand gently holding yours. Sam sighed, shaking his head as you made your way out of the school and toward the same motel you had been staying for the past few months.

He ran his spare hand through his hair. “It’s just…we’ve just got comfortable here. I’ve actually made friends that aren’t you or Dean. I just wish we never-.” He stopped himself short. It was a stupid thing to wish.

“I know,” You replied. He wished his family weren’t hunters. You both stopped in front of his door, staring at each other silently. It wouldn’t be long before Dean got back and started his relentless teasing, so with one final goodbye, you went your separate ways.

That evening was wholly uneventful, an hour or two of homework, some research for your dad then the sweet and familiar feeling of zoning out while listening to Deftones on your hard motel bed. ‘Please Please Please Let Me Get What I Want.’ had just faded out when there was a gentle knock on the door, one you recognised. You opened the door and took in the smiling sight of your best friend. He was wearing an oversized tee with a blue dog on it that you had given him and a pair of pyjama bottoms. He looked much more comfortable than he felt.

Sam had been building up his courage since the beginning of the year and, knowing the both of you would still be on the case when it rolled around, he wanted to ask you to prom. Even if it were just as a friend.

“Hey Sammy,” you smiled and stepped to the side to let him in, noticing how he was fiddling with the strings of his pyjamas. He was nervous. “You ok?” It was a simple question, but from the look on his face you would’ve assumed you had asked him to marry you.

He laughed slightly and scratched the back of his neck, replying, “all good, just wanted to come chat!” He smiled awkwardly. God, he thought, he was already blushing. He sat across from you, slightly wet hair brushed to the side and fluttering eyes locked on yours.

You laughed at his nerves but pressed play on your music again, turning the volume down so ‘when the sun hits’ could gently sit underneath your conversation.

“Y’know,” he began, hands fidgeting, “We’re gonna be in Oregon until spring, which means we’ll actually graduate this time.” he spoke, voice soft and wavering. “So um-”

He cut himself off, not knowing how to ask. He had wanted to do something nicer, get you flowers or something, but it hadn’t exactly gone to plan (that and Dean had told him to do it now before he got too nervous). You put your hand on his to stop it from shaking and urged him to keep talking and he smiled so softly you could’ve imagined it.

He breathed out before speaking again, “I was thinking we could go to prom? Together?” You went still. That’s what he had been nervous about.

“As friends?”

He seemed to shrink. “Uhm, yeah, if that’s what you’d want.” Sam was downtrodden, though he had expected you to take it this way, it still stung.

You smiled gently. “I’d love to go with you, but maybe not as just…friends.”

He looked up, confused for a moment. You had said yes. Blush bit at his ears as he fought the urge to get up and physically jump for joy. “I’d like that.” He managed to get out before standing again, you joining him by the door.

“I should probably head back, dad will be wondering where I am.” Though you both knew the statement wasn’t true at all, you agreed and let him walk out the door.

“Sam.”

He spun back around on his heel and you stepped closer, placing a kiss on his cheek. To him, it felt so gentle, like the breeze gently brushing his face, but it still brought up a blush so aggressive it felt like he was on fire.

SOMETIME IN 2001 - PROM

It was a few weeks before graduation, which meant it was prom night. You were sat in your motel room, in the nicest outfit you could find for cheap, waiting for Sam to finish getting ready. Since asking you to prom, the two of you had spent every waking moment together though you weren’t, as Dean would say, official yet (despite being only a label away from it).

Eventually, he walked out of the bathroom in a simple navy suit, one that matched your own outfit almost perfectly. You had both found them by chance in separate thrift stores and found yourself extremely lucky when they not only fit, but matched. “You look so handsome.” you said as he fiddled with his tie, trying to get it to sit right. Eventually, he gave up and gave you a look of desperation, asking you to do it for him with his eyes alone.

His gaze never left you as you fixed the tie, gentle hands righting the knot. Sam had planned tonight out to a tee: Dean was going to drive the both of you in their dad’s impala and then he’d get permission to take three (which was masterfully negotiated down from ten by Sam) photos. Then, he’d link his arm in yours like a gentleman and walk you into the gym. From there, his dancing skills took charge.

Each part of the plan went well and it was the middle of the night before either of you took a break to get a drink. There was a tired flush on both of your faces and a glint in Sam’s eyes you hadn’t seen since you were young. It was there, the two of you were sat when ‘your song’ came on. The song Sam had asked you to prom with (though it was more of a coincidence).

The boy took your hand gently and led you to the dancefloor again, his hands finding a place on your hips. You wrapped your arms around his neck and swayed gently, humming along to the song and staring into Sam’s eyes. The night was perfect.

Or would’ve been.

There was an impossibly loud crash and both you and Sam stared at each other in a split-second of recognition before the gymnasium went dark. Screams erupted from the crowd but the two of you stayed calm, quickly retrieving your respective silver blades that John had forced you to keep that night. Sam was furious. John had promised he would chase the monster in the opposite direction. The man had lied. In the panic, the two of you had been separated and you knew better than to call out for him in the dark school corridor.

You had prepared for this, trained. But you had never actually fought a monster before. Your hands shook from fear and tears glistened on your cheeks as you gingerly made your way down the hall. Your only lightsource was the large, dirty skylight that sat at the far end of the hallway and you found yourself glad - for the first time ever - that it was a full moon. Light trickled through the glass, fragmenting when a crack or some growing mould got in its path.

There was a growl from behind you and you stiffened, chills running down your spine. You turned slowly, eyes shut tight. You weren’t meant to be scared, you had been taught to not be afraid - so why couldn’t you find it in you to be brave. Your eyes opened and locked with the werewolf that was a mere centimetre from you now.

You gripped the blade with a sweaty palm and shoved it forward, piercing through the monster’s heart, though not before it could bring its claws down across your face. You both cried out and fell to the ground, you clutching your face and the werewolf growing still. “Y/N!” Sam called out as he sprinted over. Within a second, his hand was under your head and he was cradling you close to him.

Sam was hurt too, grazes littering his skin and a cut pulling at his lip - though he found that unimportant compared to the overwhelming amount of blood that seeped from your face.

“You’re ok.” He whispered, “You’ll be ok.”

THAT EVENING

You leaned against Sam as he got the first aid kit ready, having previously cleaned his own injuries as quickly as he could. Tears mixed with the blood on your face and Sam had to fight not to cry too, he hated seeing you hurt. “This is going to hurt, Y/n/n,” He began, eyes wrought with sympathy and a dusting of tears, “I’m so sorry.” he whispered and you nodded, preparing yourself. He moved his spare hand to the least injured part of your cheek for both control and comfort then gently let the alcohol John had provided trickle over your injuries.

You let your hand rest on his forearm, his mint breath fanning your face as you held in your tears with sharp breaths. “I killed them.” You whispered and Sam looked at you in empathy. He knew exactly how you felt. He didn’t want to shush you, (he didn’t know why people did that) he knew you needed to cry - but at the same time he didn’t want you to feel guilty.

“He was going to kill you. You did the right thing.”

You sighed, breathing shaky from the tears that stuck in your throat. “It doesn’t feel like that.” Sam stopped what he was doing and pulled away, eyes meeting yours.

He smiled gently. “You saved so many people, Y/n. no one in there would have been as brave as you.” Sam whispered and you nodded, finally finding it in yourself to agree with him. He gave you a break from cleaning the injury for a while and you got a better chance to look at him.

There were rips in his tux, some tinged with deep red stains and his previously white shirt was littered with mud stains. Cuts littered his arms and face while a particularly vicious bruise was slowly forming on his jawline. Despite all of this, he still looked handsome - you found it difficult to look away.

He knew what he was doing well enough, sanitise everything, clean the wound and then pray you didn’t need stitches - still, he couldn’t stop the anxiety from filling his mind. Sam was gentle, it was just who he was. Soft, caring hands worked quickly and lovingly while he muttered words of comfort. You were incredibly lucky, the wound was mostly superficial.

Both you and Sam sighed in relief as he placed the butterfly closure tape to each major point of the scratch mark. “See,” he whispered, “Told you you’d be ok.”

You smiled, careful not to tug at the cuts and leaned in, wrapping your arms around him. Sam’s hands found a home in your hair and he gently ran his hands through it as he sighed in comfort. “I’ll always be here for you, Y/n/n.” he whispered, voice strong, honest. You found it easy to believe him.

[morimakesfanart]

Sindria's Prophet #37

[1] [2] [3] [4] [5] [6] [7] [8] [9] [10] [11] [12] [13] [14] [15] [16] [17] [18] [19] [20] [21] [22] [23] [24] [Intermission] [25] [26] [27] [28] [29] [30] [31] [32] [33] [34] [35] [36]

[AO3] [wattpad]

*CW-Long term affects of medical denial & child abuse, living with PTSD *Kink & toys mentioned

((I keep forgetting to tell you guys: Lyly is pronounced "lee-lee." It's short for their middle name, Llyn/Lynn (<-genderfluid affected spelling)))

~POV Mori~ I woke up gasping. I sat up and wrapped my arms around myself so I could tell the difference between actual physical touch and the phantoms left over from my night terror. My body wouldn't stop shaking; I needed Lyly's help. When I got out of bed I froze. Not only did my bed not have curtains, this wasn't my room. No. This was my room. Sinbad picked it out for me in the guest tower. I was in Sindria; in a whole different dimension. All of the adrenaline supporting me left and I sank to the floor. I was still trembling but I wasn't scared anymore. The people who hurt me couldn't reach me here. I had that dream because after spending the past month hyperfixated on the present, I had been triggered into remembering one of the worst parts of my past, so now I was remembering the rest too. 'Sorry, Lyly.' The safety I had gained in this world was invaluable. I couldn't imagine going home willing. Based on how little light was getting through the curtains it was still the middle of the night. I was drained from my dream, and my hips were still aching but it took a while for my mind to calm back down. Tomorrow and the distractions that came from it couldn't come soon enough.

--- "Alright now, Mx. Prophet," the doctor gave me my diagnosis. Sinbad had him sent first thing in the morning, and his arrival woke me up. "You need to rest for a few days. I'll have painkillers sent over to help with your hip pain, fever, and migraine." With his job done, he saw himself out. 'I can't miss the Morning Assembly! ...But-!' I knew the doctor was right deep down. I was in no condition to do much of anything. I was fine resting when I didn't have obligations, but I had a job now. If I was back home I would have had to give Lyly my keys so I couldn't leave. Five years just wasn't enough to fully rewrite my base instincts. Although, from the new memories I was gaining, the me back home was doing a bit better. Those new memories were why I was healed and practiced enough to stop myself even if a doctor hadn't told me to... especially since I had a fever. As long as both me's kept whatever this connection was then maybe we would also keep the benefits from both sides. --- ~POV Sharrkon~ Mori was the only person that missed the morning Assembly. Yamuraiha had a growing smile throughout the meetings, and now that it ended she mumbled something to Pisti. Shar groaned; he knew where this was going. "Yup." Pisti giggled. "I heard from a reliable source," probably 1 of her boyfriends, "that Mori's not 'sick'. Her hips were injured and her body over worked last night." The King refused to look at the gossips. His silence spoke volumes compared to the past month of him adamantly defending that there was nothing special between him and 'his Beautiful Prophet.' "Oh ho~! It finally happened after I left!" Hina slapped Sharrkan on the back with a laugh. "Looks like the 2 of us have to pay up! But I guess you lost the most, huh?" "Oh, no! I ain't paying nothing! Nothing happened!!" Shar had a hurt ego to nurse and he would not let them step on it harder. "Mori got hurt dancing. Our King had nothing to do with it!" Sharrkon felt a shiver run down his spine that made him hold his tongue. Hina looked to the others for confirmation. "Is that true?" Drakon answered him. "It's true. However, it's also true that Sin carried Mori all the way to their room from the festival." "Oh~? That's proof enough for me." Drakon, Ja'far, Yam, and Pisti agreed with their own comments. The man in question still refused to comment, so Hinahoho addressed him directly. "You're really not going to say anything, Sin? After all of that time, telling us how you don't want to get married?" "Fine. Fine." King Sinbad finally turned to them with his arms crossed. "It's simple really. You know I'm not the type to reveal my hand until I'm certain." Sinbad was smiling, but Shar knew instinctually the King was the threat that told him to stop talking. The giant laughed. "Is that so?" "I know you're aware this is a first for me." Sharkkon's wallet cried with him. He had lost 2 out of 3 bets. It was only a matter of time before he lost the 3rd.

---- ~POV Mori~ The Great Bell rang out. The morning Assembly was definitely over. There were several things I had wanted to do today, and I couldn't do any of them since I had to rest. I needed to meet with Queen Artemina before she left Sindria. I had to solidify our connection as allies, but she was set to leave in a day. As I wrote a letter to send her, the waves shifted. This was the right choice for me, and the future I wanted. The letter would need time to dry before I could send it. I got up from my chair and stopped. I didn't want to lay down again yet no matter how much my body needed it. 'Damnit! How much more of my life am I going to spend sick??' I groaned into my hands. I was born with a weak raspatory system, so I get sick multiple times a year and often end up bedridden. "I am allowed to rest even though I can sit up and walk. Pushing will only make it worse." My mom eventually stopped acknowledging when I would get sick due to the expense which is why I struggle to let myself rest as an adult. I made a point of putting the truth into words to fight her conditioning. I climbed back in bed even though I knew that meant I would be stuck with just my thoughts until I fell back asleep. This was the perfect opportunity to process everything that had happened with Sinbad, but I couldn't think about it at all. Being triggered, recognizing these new memories, and that night terror just made me think about home more -well the place I came from. Even when I was in my room there I often couldn't help but think 'I want to go home' because even though it was comfortable and familiar, I couldn't feel safe. My last therapist told me that as long as I stayed in that house full of reminders there was only a slim chance of me recovering from my CPTSD. If only I could have afforded to move out.

In the new memories I got, our dad finally agreed to reorganize all of the living spaces, so that me and Lyly weren't getting as many flashbacks anymore. Hell, he even apologized for everything and started acting like a real dad some of the time. The me that stayed home was able to persevere until an opening for change finally came. 'If they got Isekai now I wonder if they would want to go home?' The thought had never occurred to this me -just like it never did back when I was in in-patient. Although I was still worried about Lyly like I was then. I rolled over to pull out a scroll from the bedside dressers. When I was on the ship I had worked on all sorts of scrolls and one was a memoir of my life back home. One of the first things I did was draw the people important to me before I'll inevitably forget their faces. I unrolled the scroll. Lyly's face stared up at me from the page. As difficult as that place was to live in all of my loved ones were there. In this world there was no one that knew me, and I wasn't sure if I could let my self get that close to anyone here -especially Sinbad. He already knew how deep some of the scars on my heart are. I didn't want him to think any less of me, or use my pain against me. And even more than that, I was scared that the safety I had here would shatter if I made a wrong step. 'I thought I was doing better.' This world had treated me so well that I fell into a false sense of security. Not being surrounded by reminders of my traumas made me feel like I was somehow cured and could restart from scratch. But that's not how healing works... Being away from triggers just made it easier to avoid having an attack. It's only after feeling safe that we let ourselves feel the emotions that are unsafe to feel in the moment. A few tears fell down my cheeks. I placed the scroll on the bedside table and rolled back towards the middle of the bed. Surely it was okay for me to cry in a situation like this. I allowed myself the luxury even though the tears didn't last long. When I was young I cried just as often from joy as sadness. The abuse I experienced made it unsafe to cry at all, so I learned to cry silently until I eventually stopped crying altogether. Being in this world made me feel like it was okay again. Letting myself actually feel these emotions was an important step in the healing process. Beating myself up for getting triggered and relapsing wouldn't help at all. I needed to forgive myself.

--- One day of rest should be enough, right? It's not like I still had a fever. I didn't want to stay in my room and make an even worse impression. My hips would hurt a little if I over worked them, but that would just act as a limiter. ((<<= This person is in denial))

I got dressed after breakfast, but as soon as I grabbed the doorknob I froze. "Yeah, no." I was not in the mood to see Sinbad in person yet, and I would have to if I left my room. As soon as I took Queen Sinbad's choker back off I felt a wave of relief. It had given me so much dopamine and serotonin when it was part of a fantasy, but now it was a reminder of my fears. How could I mark myself with it when I couldn't feel safe in my own desires? Wearing it felt like a lie. I definitely wouldn't be able to wear it for a while.

'Guess I haven't completely lost my sense of self-preservation.' Besides, I hadn't actually had time to do most of the things I like doing to relax since I got to this world. Going out in this state would be worse than not going out. Another day off as I recover from the stress had to be reasonable.

But what options did I have to relax?

Everyone else was busy with work at this time of day, so I could masturbate without having to worry about being interrupted. But my toybox didn't isekai with me; I only have my hands, and some ribbons for mild shibari. Sinbad said I could make requests, but there was no way in hell I was letting him find about this, let alone use his money for my sex toys. I'll figure out where to get some after payday. The night terror was still fresh in my memory anyway.

Video games, comics, and anime were obviously out of the question. Printing still isn't big enough for fiction to be popular to write -that's part of why Sinbad's Adventure story was such a huge success. I had 3 cats back home, but I can't exactly adopt a new pet while sick. I do sing a lot to relieve stress, but it would be embarrassing to be overheard without knowing. 'Note to self: get carpets to hang up to dampen the sound.' There were places I could go that would be harder to be heard but leaving wasn't an option until I was better. That only left me: writing and drawing.

'Working on Fate scrolls it is!'

The flow of ink was good for my brain. It did more than help calm me; it gave me more perspective but it couldn't give me true answers. 'I wish we could just go back to how things were before that night. How am I supposed to know when I will be ready to see Sinbad again?' He isn't any of the people that hurt me, so why can't I just like him without being afraid of betrayal?

Were Sinbad's actions manipulation, or earnest? Could I trust the safety I felt around him? It was definitely a combination of how he treated me, what I knew from reading his Fate, and how familiar I was with being around those types of manipulation. But there was something strange. When I looked for signs of his manipulation in how he dealt with me, or any expected fallout, nothing came from it. In fact, everything kept ending in my favor. The cycle I was expecting was coming from me, not Sinbad. The waves swirled as I finally let myself think about it.

What was he actually going to say when I cut him off? Even if it was what I thought, would I be able to believe him? Even if I didn't have relationship trauma I don't think I could trust him romantically after reading his Fate. He claimed he wasn't playing the flirting game, but that could have been manipulation. Was it my heart or pride that would be hurt more if he was lying? I couldn't tell yet.

I was lonely. Both in general, and in this world. There was no one that knew me here. And I was too scared to trust the person getting closest to my heart. Even though I didn't want to be seen like this, I didn't actually want to be alone; I just couldn't shake the fear of rejection or punishment I thought was inevitable. I left my windows open just in case. ---

~POV Sinbad~ The King sat on the edge of Mori's bed. He had been unable to visit the first time she was sick. Now that he understood his own feelings he couldn't stay away unless he was on the other side of the world. The only reason he didn't visit the first day was because he knew she needed space away from him. The waves had been trying to guide him here for a while though. Who was he to deny them? No one answered the door when he knocked or called out. The silence and waves worried him. The last report said her current fever was mild, but it could have spiked since then. Mori developed an extremely high fever on the ship several hours after everyone saw she was unwell. He entered without permission only to find his Beautiful Prophet was sleeping peacefully. He had gotten to see her; that would have to be enough. Mori turned her head in her sleep and her bangs fell onto her eye lashes. Sinbad leaned over to move her hair out of the way. He tried to keep his touch light to not wake her, but her eyes fluttered open. Unfocused eyes watched him. "Sin..?" The sound of their voice was a relief. It didn't sound strained at all, only weak from sleep.

"How are you feeling?" They weren't anywhere near as bad as last time. "~*yawn* Better now that I'm awake." "Oh? Did you have a bad dream?" They watched him as what he asked slowly processed in their newly conscious state. "Yeah, I did. Thank you for waking me." "Anytime." Sinbad returned their weak smile with his own. "I guess that's why it wasn't just my waves leading me here." He hesitated. "Mori, what do you think about moving into the Purple Leo Tower? It will be easier to care for you when you get sick. You'll be safer there. And your waves could reach me faster." The same fear from the other night started seeping into their expression. "I'm fine here." But he wasn't fine. "Besides, it will be harder when I have to move out of the Palace." For a moment he forgot how to breathe. "Why would you have to move out?" Why would she ever think she had to leave?? "Would you really be okay with me staying after my visions run out?" The King couldn't stop his hand from reaching to caress their cheek, but he was able to hold back from making contact. "Of course." Mori's brow creased farther and they glanced at his hand. "What about after I share all the knowledge I have from my world? I wasn't an engineer. I only know the basics." Sinbad's heart dropped. From the beginning Mori had been marketing herself as a resource, and he had only ever responded positively. Yet another way he'd messed up without even realizing it. "Of course, I'll still want you by my side." The more he was able to peer into Mori's heart the more worried he got. "You are a person, not a resource. You do know that, don't you?" Mori closed their eyes and leaned their head towards his hand; he took that as permission. Their cheek didn't feel feverish. They spoke flatly about their emotions like they did the night of the Announcement. "I know that logically, but I struggle with knowing how to act if I'm not helping someone." They brought a hand up to his. "I really do like helping people, but sometimes it feels like that's all I am. It's what I had to do to survive since I was little." Ah. He could understand that thought process. Sinbad had been a caregiver for his mother and village from a very young age, and went straight from that to king's candidate. There was very little time in his life when he wasn't working towards helping someone. Drinking, and philandering became his break from that -although he would hopefully be narrowing that last point to one person soon. "You seemed to do just fine at the festival." So fine that he couldn't deny his feelings anymore. "Huh? -Oh. Yeah. I guess I did." Her expression softened into a genuine smile. "It was probably going around the festival that got me sick though." It was mainly stress according to the doctors' report. Mori closed her eyes with a yawn. "I'll have to keep more distance between me and the citizens next time. I didn't realize I was so interesting." "You're incredibly interesting." They let out a quiet chuckle. "If you say so." Sinbad watched and felt as they turned their face into his palm, and sighed. Mori relaxed more into his hand with each breath as if his scent and touch were comforting. It bubbled up desires he knew he shouldn't act upon with a sick or unconscious person and yet he couldn't make himself leave either. He took a moment to ground himself but it did little good. He couldn't bring himself to leave until after Mori let go of his hand. To think another person would have this much power over him. "You really are amazing." There was absolutely no way he'd ever allow anyone else to see this side of them. Mori would be moved to the Purple Leo Tower in time, and would just have to learn through experience that he had no intentions of letting them go. ---

~POV Mori~ I woke up to the Great Bell the next morning. Sinbad being here was not a dream. I had just been too groggy to question the situation. What was the point of staying home, if he was going to visit me in person?

On the plus side, seeing Sinbad while I wasn't stuck in my trauma brain helped break the cycle of questions. Sinbad might be stubborn but through his whole life he is shown being someone fully willing to change his mind when given enough information. At this point in the story he is someone with conviction who says his truth directly -even if he often speaks in a manipulative way. So when he said he's chosen a new path, he meant it -even if I don't know what that means yet. And when he is shown seducing women, the idea of moving any of them into the Purple Leo Tower would never be considered, let alone offered -even in private. And yet he offered that to me.

Sinbad was changing and I'd never be able to accept how if I stayed cooped up in my room. To understand myself, and Sinbad I needed to spend more time around him. My rest was over. I didn't need to jump all the way in at once. I'd see him at the morning Assemblies, swap pleasantries, and part ways until the next day. 'Slow and steady.' --- ~POV Sinbad~ Was this how Hina and Drakon felt when they looked at their wives before they got together? Just seeing Mori enter the halls of the White Capricorn Tower made his heart swell. And hearing their voice? Well, he was starting to understand why Ja'far had been so upset with him since they returned from Balbadd. Even seeing Mori dressed androgynously didn't shake his feelings -though it was a bit jarring after how they dressed for the Announcement. It just cemented that what he felt wasn't simply based on how Mori presented. They were undeniably the most beautiful person in the world to him now.

After going through more options than necessary, the first thing the Dungeon Capturer managed to say to Mori was, "I'm happy to see you're feeling better."

"Yes. And thank you for visiting me while I was resting." Mori's smile made him feel at peace. Seeing them up close confirmed that they cut their bangs some. "But never enter my room without explicit permission again." Their sharper tone pierced him repeatedly with each sentence. "That includes the bird by the way. If my curtains are closed or I don't answer the door: don't enter my room."

He wore a smile to ease their anger. "Of course. It won't happen again."

Even as Mori accepted his response and left, the King couldn't get his heart to stop racing. Why did there have to be so many large risks of ruining his chances when he already knew she liked him from reading his Fate?

--- ~POV Mori~

As soon as the Assembly was over, I fled to the Black Libra Tower. 'He said he was happy I was better! AND he didn't say anything about about my change of gender expression!' Sinbad said all of two words directly to me and I started short circuiting. I remembered that he offered to move me to his tower -the one he sleeps in???- and immediately went on the defensive. I was not as ready as I thought!! I was going to need my favorite hyperfixation to survive the rollercoaster I was trapped on. And if it didn't exits yet, then I was going to reinvent it myself! It would be relatively easy to make a printing press since this fanfic was in English instead of whichever Arabic language was the region's canonical one, or Japanese like the series was originated in. Both require significantly more characters than English, and some kanji can be too intricate to make with this world's current level of technology. Speaking of which, this world had stamps and seals so this next level of printing shouldn't be too crazy of a change. I took some print making classes in high school and college, so I got to use a few different scale printing presses. I knew enough to draft prototypes. I excelled at typography in college too -so well that the department head signed off on me skipping a few courses so I could get to the high level stuff faster. The typography was digital, but I still learned enough to draft prototypes of stamps and such. ('A shame I couldn't afford higher than an Associates Degrees.) Since I was working on a table in the middle of one of the libraries, people came up to ask me about what I was doing. I gave a brief summary to the latest onlooker, before I pointed to the examples I was drafting. "I see." His voice was familiar but I was too focused to register it. The person moved around the table to read the part I had finished this morning. He made a few sounds of recognition as he read. "Won't spelling out each word every time be a hassle?" "Well, yeah. It's better to have most words premade. And full lines of text can be fused together to make reprinting more issues easier and faster." He pointed to a spot on the parchment. "Ah- that's what this part is then." My eyes were drawn to the glint of his rings. Every cell in my body remade itself as my brain finally acknowledged who was talking to me. "That is convenient." Sinbad's voice was unmistakable now that I was paying attention. I prayed to every God I knew of that my emotions didn't show in my actions or voice. "This might be a new technology here, but you won't have to completely reinvent the wheel thanks to my 'visions.'" I had to focus on my breathing to keep my heart rate down. I was able to keep the conversation moving, but I wasn't sure I would remember it well. I was more focused on not looking like an idiot. We had exchanged greetings at the morning assembly but this was the first time I was talking to him fully sober in days. His polite gestures and this conversation made my heart swell, but he wasn't flirting; he was just existing while being attractive. 'Why did I have to start thinking it could be mutual??? I can't even enjoy it like this!' If anything starts there's going to be an end.

--- ~POV Sinbad~ Sinbad didn't have a 'real' reason for visiting Mori in Black Libra Tower on their first day back, but, as King, there was no one who would question him. Although, Ja'far would come to get him if he's away from his responsibilities for too long. He arrived a bit after lunch to find Mori sitting at a table in the middle of the library where anyone could and did come talk to them. The proof being that they didn't beat an eye at his questions. In fact, it sounded like they had explained about this stamp system multiple times. Mori needed their own office in the tower. He'd make sure they got one asap. As interesting as this new technology was, Sinbad kept finding himself staring at his Beautiful Prophet more. It was hard enough to focus at his own desk -let alone when Mori was right in front of him. Sinbad had heard that acknowledging the feeling makes it stronger, but he wasn't expecting this. Mori tensed for a moment before scooting their chair away from him. He had been leaning closer to them without realizing, and they moved away. How was this the same person that fell asleep holding his hand the previous day? Were they just too tired back then to remember what was going on? Did they think it was a dream? He definitely shouldn't flirt with them while they were this uncomfortable to be around him. Would they even be willing to hold his arm while they walked together? He didn't think so. Sinbad took a moment to ground. Even if Mori had turned into a feral cat or wild rabbit around him, the way they watched him when they thought he wasn't looking was a sign that they wouldn't mind being tamed by him. They had enjoyed his company before; he just needed to remind them of that. The only question was if he could regain Mori's trust before he had to leave for the Kou Empire.

((OMGOSH I did not expect this to take this long. At least a month of that gap was from back-to-back illness too, so it took even longer. My digestive track turned off for 24 hours and took 48 to fully come back online. While I was in recovery I caught a really bad upper raspatory infection that gave me a 103F fever for a week. So of course my period hit me like a freight train a week later. Somehow I was ill the weeks around the holidays and not on them, but it was a still a super rough couple of weeks. I'm better now :D which is why I was able to have the energy to write.

I processed a lot of my emotions while working on these chapters. They're all things I already knew, but consolidating them like this helped me see more of the places they were affecting me, and cement in my head that it is okay to move forward. :D

This arc is 3 chapters long including this one. Since I do have the next 2 written already, I just need to refine them and make the art, so there shouldn't be as long as a break for the next chapter. Like this chapter, they will have scenes of Mori processing their emotions. I needed a lot of time to edit them down a ton since there's obviously things I don't intend to post on the internet, and I want the story to feel good to read chapter to chapter. I've already got the next arc started too. It's a lot of character confrontations that became discarded drafts of earlier arcs, but definitely need to happen now. Since I have those drafts as a basis, I hope to get that arc ready before I finish posting this one. I have another DeadEnd chapter to post, and a few one shots I almost have ready. I've been posting wips and art for for them on patreon, but I won't be posting them here until I have full chapters ready U-U))

[maris-underground-art]

The year was 2020.

The world was beginning to end. Like everybody, lockdown was taking a toll on my mental health, and so I turned to Webtoon to distract myself from all the fear and uncertainty. I got sucked into a particular popular webcomic - can you guess which one? It became a new hyperfixation for the next year and a half, so I began drawing fanart for it. Little did I know these first few drawings, when posted to Instagram, would catch the attention of a small but booming fandom there.

As we were all stuck at home, fandom was exploding. I met other artists, got my art shared by a LO fan website, and became a part of that community - and an active one - for a little over a year.

[sihtricfedaraaahvicius]

Introduction? Introduction.

I figured that now I am getting more connected to some of you here, it's time to be a little less anonymous. I am ready to overshare.

My name is Sanne (she/her), I'm 28 and I am from/live in the Netherlands. I live with my boyfriend, who is from Lithuania, like Arnas, and the same age as him too, which simply amuses me endlessly at this point. We also have pet rats named Salem and Thor (yes, we had a Loki too).

I love movies, series, books and music. Music wise I am a metalhead at heart. I am an occultist and a pagan, and in general I love all things spooky. Our house is 24/7 in Halloween mode basically, and so am I. (If anyone from twitter is here right now who happens to follow me, you will know exactly who I am by this description lmao).

I only found TLK very, very recently. I am usually not a fan of period pieces, but one evening I was bored and this popped up on Netflix and I decided to give it a go. Many factors made me fall in love with the show and I binged it within two weeks, only a few weeks before the movie got released. It became a part of my life real quick.

A little fun fact: I was diagnosed with adhd only last year (fuck my life, right?) so it is easy for me to completely get lost into one thing. However, I know when something is going to stick with me and when something is just a quick hyperfixation.

And TLK? My dudes, it's a keeper.

Because of my adhd it is very hard for me to stay focused on something for a long time without getting distracted. The fact that I was able to binge this show with no interruption is insane to me. I started reading the books shortly after (I am currently reading the 4th book) and as much as I love reading: it is not easy for me either. The amount of half read books I have is something I will never tell. But I swear (on Thor's hammer) this whole series is made for people with adhd, because I have never read books so fast, so easily.

And I know it's impossible to tell, but my fave character is Sihtric. Why? I am not sure, it just happened.

I have never been into fanfics, but I was so eager to read more of him (and other characters) that I found myself searching for fics. But I was a little surprised by how "limited" results popped up, so here I am, doing god's work (just kidding). I am on sick leave for several reasons, and these lil fics give me some purpose during the day and keep me from bad habits, I've noticed, so I am just having fun here. I have no experience writing fics, I only write poetry, so to see nice and loving comments about my fics has been quite overwhelming and heartwarming!

Look at me, oversharing. Is anyone still reading this? Probably not.

Anyway...

I was lucky my bank account less lucky to see that Arnas, Mark, Alexander and Timothy will attend a comic con in Germany next week. I told myself not to go due to the finances, but with some luck (fate, perhaps?) I found out last week that I could make it. Alas, I got my tickets. For now I only have tickets secured for Arnas, but I will get a duo op with Mark and Arnas asap (because: faves).

I would love to meet Alexander and Timothy too, but the entire group op is just too expensive for me, unfortunately. I will travel alone and attend the con on my own and I am literally terrified. I have never been to cons alone (social anxiety has entered the chat) and the chances of getting a sensory overload and a meltdown are huge.

However, the fact that I made the decision to go there is really saying something about what this show, these characters and these people became to mean to me, in such a short period. Destiny really is all, I guess! Anyway, I have rambled for way too long. Sorry.

Feel free to introduce yourself to me!!

[naffeclipse]

yello Naff!!! i really admire your writing, from the way you write intense nail biting scenes to soft quiet moments i adore ALL of it, and ive read almost ALL of your fics [In Deep Dreams Between the Waves im sorry i'll read you i swear] and ive been incredibly inspired by your writing, after not reading fanfics for years your style just dragged me further into my DCA hyperfixation [...i lowkey made this account just so i can share my sleuth jesters fanart ngl] your narratives have been a huge comfort also in my stressful exam-filled life, its a goddamn event when you update <3

GOD i got distracted but i wanted to ask if you have any advice for some one whos really new to writing? even if its super simple im VERY lost, i havent tried making any long-form fic, ive drabbled in writing 4k~ oneshots but never published any, the social anxiety and pressure of making a good fic is VERY SCARY SKLDJFKLSJL

No pressure to answer any of this btw!!! if you dont want to thats no biggie jus know i love your works very much <3 i hope you have a good christmas Naff!!

Hey, babe! ♥ AHHH THANK YOU SO MUCH!!! I'm so touched, oh my gosh! You're gonna make me cry ;-; Merry Christmas to you, too!

Now for writing advice! I do have this tag right here that you can look through! However, for a new writer specifically, I got a bit I can tell ya!

Let yourself write what you want to write

Self-indulge, use tropes and whatever plot beats you want, just do whatever you want to do and have fun! Don't try to craft something to please others, because that's a good way to become miserable and burnt out real quick. This writing is for you. No one else. You. You just decide to share it if you wish!

Outlining

I highly recommend, especially for a long fic, to have your ending in mind. It erases a lot of stress and allows you to build up towards that ending in a natural and effortless manner. You don't have to get super nitty and gritty with outlining, just a basic format of events and a few notes here and there. HOWEVER! I should mention that outlining isn't everyone's ideal way to craft a story, and that's okay! I will warn you that it can be difficult if you come up with the story as you go along, but again, do what allows you to create. Outlining works for me, but it might not work for everyone.

Please be nice to yourself

Let yourself try new things, take breaks, learn from mistakes and continue to improve, and do not let one mean comment or negative review stop you. Writing can be daunting, but you can overcome it. It's so rewarding and should make you feel accomplished and satisfied, not horrible or defeated.

Good luck and happy writing!!! ♥

[incarnateirony]

So time for some personal blogging here.

You'll notice the public tone of my blog has shifted a lot. I'll answer asks, I'll post updates, I'll reblog things that are coming around, but I'm mostly just staying in my server.

I've had to have a lot of personal realizations lately, like how even Supernatural had become a drag, and not from the content. Because the hate trolls out there. the people like 2po stalking and doxxing for upwards of 6 years in little rage temper tantrums.

One can say it doesn't bother you--because it doesn't bother me in the sense they want. It doesn't cause fear or recoil in the minute. It's no different than their other relentless noise and attention seeking. But their pure existence is being an energy vampire, and the entire clan has been hyperfixated on me for six years.

Atop that, those six years were spent fighting fights they didn't realize were being fought while they were brushed off or at times intentionally distracted. There was a goal, a mission. Even if we got punched in the face over and over, there was a reason to stand back up for the next hit.

And then... we won? And... the wait was over?

And that seems like a time to celebrate, and i knew it, and I did. You all saw it, you've seen how I've posted for this last 2 years. But at the same time, like. So many old friends were gone to time (and others tiffs over a decade). I've literally lost people in this fandom to death, good people like bex.

And suddenly there wasn't anything to fight for. And I mean, some of you know me from before tumblr existed and before Supernatural existed as a show. You know. You saw me collapse Tokyopop in the early 2000s and get a TV show. Because I had something to fight for. And I got it. Then I wandered off into the fandom fog only to be seen like a mythic beast 2 decades later finding the entire fandom remaining there is still my meta.

But that aside, I did that then too. I got up and disappeared into the fog. POLOL at the time was a sort of shadow of itself and it was gonna take a LOT of work to get it back up to glory days, and I just did not have the spoons. Because in their own, fucked up way, the hate trolls had done their job. They wore me down and wore down my energy and attention.

Add in the frustrations of being a niche creator, life, my onset of disability and everything else, and it made for a pretty dark winter for a while, even while The Winchesters was airing. Like yes for a few hours each week I'm ecstatic, but then what. What do i do with nothing to do.

But there's not Nothing I Can Do. I can bring POLOL back, and we did. It just took some time to realize that really, my problem was learning to value my time and energy. First screening out the attention seekers and yeah, even resorting to a paywall to do it. On an average day I'm answering about 60 individual dms from people that all think sending me an individual dm about every little cute idea is a great thing. That alone is a full time job much less going back to my Event Coordination, Director and Programming Manager roots for free.

So yeah, realizing my years of work in this fandom built a truly premium space that only gets more premium when I put in the effort made me say, yeah, you know what, eat shit. They wanna use my Free Entry generosity to cause shit still, everyone has a few weeks to decide if they can manage a few bucks a week, and I WILL tell you to buy one less starbucks depending on your priorities at that point. Especially since there's free access means by voting, or by volunteering to host events and add content to the community.

You get back what you put in. It's not a hard concept. And I realized if I'm teaching this fandom many things like history and context, equal trade and adult boundaries should join that list. If you contribute major content, you don't pay shit because you help build the place; if you're just here consuming the content then give back. (Especially since if people start using the discord version I can even pay my hosts for their efforts through an internal system).

This fandom has gone far too long taking advantage of and feeling entitled to everything, and it seems the underbelly of fandom and GA both agree if the 30 new users in the last 2 days and 56+ users in our live watch say anything.

So that realization of the world around us being almost as tired as I was is a sort of aside but.

My perspective has entirely changed since deciding to value that time and work. I'm sure you've noticed, it's a nonstop stream of announcements of new phases, new ideas, new events, new reports, new feeds, whatever. I'm currently sitting here streaming the Rockin Rocky's Leaky List at 3 AM no sweat just vibes.

But it took a few things: 1, internalizing it, when I ironically broke to the Elsa - Show Yourself realization of letting it emotionally land and 2, finding a new rudder.

I'm not going to get into what or whomst the new rudder is but I've self diagnosed that I literally need something or someone to fight for. Same reason I shrugged and said Ok when my wife was done or whatever. Like I already made good on my promises to you, we had our adventure and you've turned into a closed off bitch since so ok. i made good on my promises, bye, i'm taking the tv you can have everything else.

Self care and self value matters a whole fuckin lot. I suddenly love fandom again. I suddenly want to build and design and make feeds and webhooks for everyone nonstop again.

I guess my lesson here is, do your best to tune out the emotional vampires. They've shown their homophobic and racist elements over time, they're just angry, they don't even like the show and they are literally raging about the fact that they're NOT the target audience and that we ARE. So like lmfao. Why bother.

Now next step is learning how to really tackle full frontal dysphoria and be a big boy who uses grown up words with girls instead of running away when my brain's OS misfire starts scratching the hard disc. [aggressive whirring noises inside skull]

Either way, stay tuned. We're here for the next eternity, and this time, we're literally immune to the noise.

[threephantomrey]

February 5th 2024.

here we are. it’s officially been 5 years since the release of my comfort movie, my 2nd favorite Scooby movie, and my 2nd favorite movie of all time. Scooby Doo and the Curse of the 13th Ghost.

if you follow me or at least see me online on a regular basis, you probably know that i LOVE this movie. i always loved it more than most people. (i would also call myself a curse of the 13th ghost stan. and i think i’m the only 13 Ghosts stan that loves it lol) i remember watching it at midnight when it came out because i was so excited and couldn’t stop thinking about it i literally couldn’t sleep that night until after i watched it. (that’s why this post is going up at midnight tonight) and well, this movie had a big impact on me for the past 5 years. seriously, it means a lot to me on a sentimental level, and i’m going to get into that with this post, and also me thinking about this movie all the time and my opinions on it. today is probably going to be an emotional day for me, filled with many different feelings and a lot of love.

anyways this is going to be talking about the topic of mental health so just be warned if that’s a sensitive topic for you (cause i know it is for people and i get that)

sentimental stuff & me thinking about this movie all the time:

so let me paint a picture for you of my life around the time that this was announced and coming out. i was having the WORST mental health of my life. WHEN I TELL YOU IT WAS SO BAD OH MY GOD!!! i hated myself SOOOO MUCH. and was REALLY anxious a lot. i was dealing with a teacher that negatively impacted my mental health (she commented on my body sometimes, which made me feel even worse than i already did about my body back then, and did some other stuff that really pissed me off but we won’t dive into that right now) i was also living in deep regret of bad things i did online in 2018 and it was eating me up inside. i dreaded everyday. i had some pretty dark thoughts and couldn’t really see myself having a future. this movie was really the only thing that i looked forward to at all. (sounds dark but it’s true) because of my never ending hyperfixation over it and over the 13 Ghosts series, (which was caused by the release of the movie’s trailer, congratulations to my autism for that!!🥳😁) (though i was a 13 Ghosts fan before that, i actually started being a fan sometime in early 2018. i thought it was November 2018 up until a few months ago idk i was just misremembering) it was a distraction from my terrible mental health. it was an escape from the life i was living. this movie made me feel better. it’s not the ONLY thing that got me through that rough time in my life, there was music too. and one of my childhood friends that i still talk to on the regular is a person that got me through that rough time. she’s always there for me and i’ll forever be grateful for her, i love her so much❤️ but to say that it didn’t help me at all would be a lie. i didn’t realize that this movie got me through that rough time until last year, but im glad i realized it and i’ll always be grateful that it did. i’ll always be thankful that it provided comfort for me in a time where i really needed it. it gave me hope when i didn’t have much. and since i’ve lost friends and things that were important to me in recent years, i have related to how upset Vincent felt when he thought he lost Mortifer forever. plus, this movie gave me my Vincent and Asamad hyperfixations, and those two are big comfort characters of mine💙❤️ im not kidding when i say this movie changed my life.

i think about this movie 24/7. and it’s because of how much i love the artstyle, Vincent Van Ghoul and his outfits, Daphne and her outfit, Asamad Van Ghoul + him being the 13th ghost and Vincent’s ancestor. (top 3 Scooby reveals ever if you ask me) Velma telling Vincent that Asamad wanted redemption and was watching over and protecting Vincent and now that he’s safe, he can rest. (thanks Velma and Vincent! it’s your fault that i never stop thinking about Asamad!) Vincent’s plane, Vincent and Mortifer flashbacks. Mortifer impersonating the 13th ghost and betraying Vincent. (which i think there should be more jokes about in the fandom cause it’s funny to me) Mortifer’s car getting destroyed and it being implied to be Asamad who destroyed it in an avalanche when he appears to Vincent in a cloud of smoke and snow, (LMAO) turning back into his human form, proving that the supernatural IS real. and Vincent feeling at peace with Asamad after🥺 (THE scene that changed my brain forever. i honestly think it’s cinematic, along with the scene where it zooms into Asamad’s portrait and then zooms in on Vincent’s face and he looks down in shame. two of my favorite scenes in this whole movie and in the franchise in general) Mortifer causing avalanches with his car and just being a terrible driver in general. Castle Van Ghoul. the banger that is the song “Scoobystition.” Velma almost opening the chest at the end but chooses not to after everyone tells her no, making her question her doubt. teen Flim Flam. the chest of demons merch that Flim Flam sells. Vincent reuniting with his kids. Flim Flam reuniting with his old friends. you get the idea.

i’ve had criticisms about this movie before that a lot of the fandom has. hell, i made a video with some of them in 2021. and i will admit i remember ranting to an online friend back in 2019 that the Velma explanation thing felt like a big FU to 13 Ghosts fans. and i remember being disappointed with the ending after i watched it for the first time but i don’t believe that anymore and am not disappointed anymore. and i said i had sort of a love/hate relationship with this movie around the time i first watched it. but i don’t have those criticisms anymore and i just have a love relationship with this movie now. but no matter what, i could never bring myself to full on hate this movie. my love for this movie is too strong. stronger than any mass hallucination from high altitude oxygen deprivation in the Himalayas or any swamp gas😭

and it’s not that i don’t understand why people don’t like this movie/hate it/have those criticisms, because i do. also i get why people don’t like/hate return to zombie island. but i also like that movie and i don’t think it’s insulting or that the flashbacks shown there are lifeless or bad. and i think it doesn’t retcon everything about the original or too much. and i think it’s a good movie and i don’t think it’s a bad sequel and i also consider it canon. (plus the gang run monsters over with the Mystery Machine which is awesome and makes the movie automatically better. we should talk about it more because it’s hilarious!) even though i agree that the flashback scenes look better with the artstyle of the original ZI movie and that RTZI is not AS good as the original. i think no matter what would’ve been done, people in the fandom would’ve still been disappointed with any ZI sequel because they still would’ve said nothing could live up to that movie. even though i don’t think a ZI sequel is destined to be disappointing, im just saying other people still would’ve been disappointed with any ZI sequel. shocking, i know right? and i recently realized i only said i hated RTZI before because of how most of the fandom hates it even more than they hate 13th Ghost after i rewatched it. but i love the original Zombie Island movie too and always have) but starting sometime in 2022, i’ve started to see some things differently. (a good amount of my opinions change quite often)

————————————

now i’m going to talk about my opinions since a lot of them i’ve been DYING to say for the past year. (yes that’s a Vincent pun) before i begin, if anyone is like “you have a very poor understanding of 13 Ghosts you’re a fake fan😡” or makes jokes such as “do you work at WB?” or “ok Jim Krieg lol” or anything like that in the comments, reblogs, or my ask box, you’re getting BLOCKED. i am NOT in the mood today. or any day really, but ESPECIALLY today. and no, i am not joking. i am 10000000% serious about everything i have said in this post so far and am about to say. and as much as i disagree with a lot of people’s opinions on this movie + RTZI, im obviously not going to defend WB or any of their executives. i fucking HATE WB for a number of reasons and i could not give LESS of a shit about Jim Krieg. (the guy who demanded no magic or real monsters in this + RTZI, and i heard that he had more creative control over RTZI. i don’t think he was involved in Happy Halloween though i’m going to assume he was not) i actually hate him because he was one of the writers for Scoobynatural in which Dean Winchester, a grown man, tries to get with Daphne, a 16 year old, throughout almost the whole thing and Sam Winchester, also a grown man, kisses Velma, a 15 year old, than for his insistence to keep the supernatural out of this movie. (not that i think him trying to remove any supernatural elements was good or that any of the studio meddling behind the scenes was good cause i definitely don’t, i’m just saying i hate him way more for contributing to what happened in Scoobynatural and i feel like he should get more hate for that. that’s a bigger problem) and i also hate him because he was the writer for Scooby Doo Frankencreepy, which has a gross amount of fatphobia. he is responsible for that and we should recognize that’s also a much bigger problem than his mandates on 13th Ghost and RTZI. we should hate on him more for the fatphobia in Frankencreepy too.

i know some people are like “oh if he doesn’t like supernatural stuff in Scooby, then why did he work on two sequels to versions with supernatural elements?” which i get and i don’t disagree with! (though i do disagree with the way people go about it. and what i mean by that is them being like “that’s why they shouldn’t have been made”/that’s why these movies are bad. or say that the mandate ruins the movies or when people say that’s why we shouldn’t be doing sequels) i don’t know if he specifically made any other mandates for 13th Ghost or RTZI that wasn’t the no supernatural stuff one, and there were other decisions made by WB that most of the fandom were upset about. but regardless though, i’m still suspicious about him being a writer for Scoobynatural. and sure, the Scoobynatural episode is only canon to Supernatural + being one of the writers is different than being a co-producer + that episode was not for kids (the guy says he doesn’t like supernatural stuff in Scooby cause he thinks it’s too scary for kids) + they probably had to put supernatural elements because the show is called Supernatural obviously. and yeah sure, it’s not a sequel to a Scooby series or movie with supernatural elements, but it’s literally a crossover between Supernatural and Scooby Doo Where Are You. (the guys get sucked into an episode of Where Are You by a magic tv) and yes, you could also argue that Scoobynatural was about real ghosts not belonging in Scooby Doo, but there WAS a real ghost there that the gang saw!!! even though at the end of the episode, the gang went back to not believing, everyone else + the viewers know it was real. it is 10000% confirmed in the episode. (also Castiel, a literal angel in the Supernatural show, was there too) and that episode came out only a year before 13th Ghost and Return To Zombie Island. (and after doing a little research, and by research i mean looking on Scoobypedia, i found out that he was one of the writers for the series Scooby Doo Mystery Incorporated, a Scooby show from a decade ago that ALSO has real monsters. he was one of the writers for two episodes, both in season 2, so i’m also suspicious about that) basically what i’m trying to say is that i think something’s not adding up here/there’s something we’re not being told. and i read somewhere on the ScoobySnax blog that in an interview, he said he believes the message of Scooby Doo is that monsters being people in masks symbolize things not being as scary as they seem, and that there’s really nothing to be afraid of. i will admit, i don’t think that belief is bad at all nor do i care about him not liking supernatural stuff in Scooby either, but that’s not what the entire franchise is about. like we can still have fun with non-supernatural stuff in the franchise and then also have some fun with supernatural stuff in the franchise and some fun with ambiguity too! (i think he has this belief partially cause he probably grew up with only SD stuff that doesn’t have magic or real monsters) the way he goes about his belief? incorrect. the belief just on its own? neither correct or incorrect.

while i don’t think he should’ve worked on these films, i think if he really had to, he should’ve just not put those mandates on them and should’ve just pushed his belief to the side. sometimes, if someone’s working on something, there are some opinions that shouldn’t get involved in it. and this was one of those times. but yeah the other things he did that i mentioned earlier are definitely worse

AND ONE LAST THING!! this post was originally written in late November 2023 and has been edited many times since because i knew i wasn’t going to write this whole thing on the day of the anniversary + i kept thinking of things to say over time. just thought i’d let you all know❤️

okay here’s the opinions:

• i think curse of the 13th ghost is an amazing movie and was fun. i love the movie just as much as i love the series! i could never choose between them the same way i could never choose between Vincent and Asamad

• about its reputation specifically: this movie + rtzi gets too much hate from the fandom. now don’t get me wrong here, i’m not saying these movies don’t have flaws or that they are perfect because i don’t believe that. (i don’t think any Scooby movie is perfect or above any kind of criticism, not even Zombie Island) and listen, there are some problems i have with both and i won’t deny that. but i’ve been bothered this past year at points by the hate because of how much of it is there. not ALL of it but definitely a lot of it in the fandom. (i was bothered by only the hate for 13th ghost originally and then towards the end i started getting bothered by the hate for RTZI too) i just feel like it’s overwhelming, ya know? and im not saying people CAN’T hate them or not like them!! i’m not mad that people on the internet don’t like this movie!! (to be honest, i also feel like i have been too harsh on these movies at some points, especially RTZI) it’s just that almost everytime this + rtzi are brought up, there’s people who will jump at ANY chance to hate on them and sometimes it just feels like negativity for the sake of being negative and it bothers me. hell, sometimes they aren’t even mentioned at all in conversation like people will be talking about something else that’s Scooby related and then someone will bring them up randomly JUST to hate on them. like bro we GET it, you don’t like these movies. and i’m not saying that everyone does that cause obviously it’s not everyone, (and i am not bothered by anything my mutuals or people that i follow or people in the same discord servers as me have said at all i am not talking about them <3 im talking about some people in the fandom in general) but it REALLY pisses me off. like you don’t understand how much this shit gets me heated. i’ve been feeling this way for the past year and UGHHH it sucks because i don’t WANT to. but i do. anyways i think this movie deserves more credit for the good things it does. (same opinion applies to the other one, and i feel like these are underrated and misunderstood. not in a “you just hate fun and don’t get the complexity of this cinematic masterpiece” way, but in a “it’s not invalidating the originals or trying to invalidate the originals and the magic isn’t completely removed from them” way) and i know people are going to want to say “well, these movies were shitting on things that we loved so they deserve it!” but i disagree in every way possible 10000%. and regardless, it still hurts me to see a lot of people shitting on something that i love, especially since 13th Ghost means a lot to me on a sentimental level. not implying that it’s a personal attack on me cause obviously i know it’s not. don’t get me wrong, movies shitting on something you love is obviously terrible and does hurt. im just saying seeing a lot of people in the fandom shitting on something i love hurts and is terrible. the hate for 13th Ghost hurts me on a more personal level since that movie means so much to me on a sentimental level, but the hate for RTZI is more annoying to me since it gets more hate.

but ALSO i wish people would criticize 2 parts in RTZI more: in one of the flashbacks where they lightened Chris’s skin color (that was a mixture of a saturation issue and them actually lightening her skin color) and that part where a grown man tries to be romantic with Daphne, a teenager, and no one says anything about it. but this isn’t the first time a grown man was involved with Daphne or someone’s skin color was lightened in SD, so every time that does happen, that should ALSO be more criticized, not just in RTZI. we should bring more attention to that every time it happens, especially since we don’t do that enough. it’s wayyyyyy more of a problem than the things most people will hate on that movie for/criticize. we gotta focus on that more in the future. i also wish people would criticize the whole “confederate zombies being said to be the good guys” thing in Zombie Island more, but that is another conversation for another day. and i also am really annoyed when some people telling others not to watch these movies because they themselves don’t like it and think it’s bad or insulting or whatever reason they’ll say. and it’s mainly because i think people should be able to watch whatever they want and have their own opinions on it.

but yeah i definitely think these movies are hated on too much especially for the same reasons and i just wish they had better reputations i think they don’t deserve the hate they get. they don’t deserve the reputations they have. (i feel bad for these movies because of how much hate they get. i think it’s sad) the conversation around them is reductive. the conversation around these movies most of the time is “oh they say the originals didn’t happen,” “they retcon things from the originals,” “13th Ghost didn’t conclude the 13 Ghosts series/the gang didn’t capture the real 13th Ghost,” skeptic Velma, etc. it’s wayyyyy too much of that and not enough discussion about all the good things these movies do. they don’t get enough credit as much as they should. and there’s a lot to say about these movies. they’re definitely not movies that most people watch and then have nothing to say about them and they’re not forgettable. my feelings are complex okay guys😭

• Vincent’s plane is BEAUTIFUL when am i going to get to be on that plane????? this whole movie was GORGEOUS visually like they really made the backgrounds and literally everything look so beautiful. they did not have to go that hard but they really did. and everyone had GREAT winter outfits but tbh the gang always has great winter outfits so i can’t be too surprised. but yeah the winter outfits were amazing here, literally some of their best. and the Rubber Ducky being referenced was iconic

• i consider this movie to be canon and a good 13 ghosts sequel and finale, but just in the way most people didn’t expect it to be. i really love the Asamad redemption thing and i think it’s lovely that it brings peace to Vincent and now he’s at peace with his ancestor. and i know what you’re thinking: “Velma said she lied about it” and like yeah, she did say that. but because we saw Asamad appear to Vincent + because of her not opening the chest at the end because of everyone insisting for her not to, i believe that was her doubting herself and that Asamad really did get redeemed. she was like “ok i won’t open it because these ghosts might be real and i don’t want to risk that.” so i think it’s either she THINKS what she said about Asamad is a lie, but actually it IS the truth. or that, again, it is the truth and deep down, she actually does believe it but she’s just not admitting it because of her insistence throughout most of the movie to not believe in the supernatural. so i think the Asamad redemption thing is canon. and listen, i get that people wanted to see the gang capture the real 13th ghost in the chest. (it’s what i wanted too when the movie first came out) i get why people aren’t crazy about the Asamad redemption thing, that’s fine. and hey we ever get another sequel where Asamad is actually still evil and he does get captured, i would also love to see it. i still love the idea of him still being evil. (in general, i think there’s always more to add to the 13 Ghosts universe, so if they also expand on more 13 Ghosts stuff in general in a future piece of media, i would also be down to see it 10000%) though, ever since September 2019, i’ve been loving the idea of Asamad seeking redemption more than him still being evil. so i actually love this ending. (and especially if they ever expand on him and Vincent and the redemption thing in a future piece of media, i would be 10000% down to see it) (he’s the ONLY ghost from the chest im good with being redeemed, everyone else has to remain evil imo) and i think it’s a good ending for Vincent especially, now he doesn’t have to worry about his ancestor anymore and gets to have peace and move on, and the others don’t have to worry about finding him and capturing him. to me, it’s symbolic of letting go of the past/what haunts you and finding some sort of peace and moving on, now knowing that everything is going to be okay. and you’re starting to heal. and it’s very comforting, especially since i’ve been feeling that many times in 2023. so i’m content if this is the last time they bring 13 Ghosts back. i think it ended beautifully. it’s sweet and beautiful. (i can write fanfics as a way of expanding upon it, so i win either way lmao) i also get why people have a problem with Velma in this movie + RTZI. (im sorry i keep bringing up RTZI but i kinda have to since these are in the same trilogy and because of my feelings) but i personally don’t anymore? i used to, i even called this version of her insufferable a few times iirc, but after watching this movie like 483947384783378 times, i feel nothing towards her attitude at all now, and she’s not that annoying. even though i still agree that this is not an ideal version of Velma, it’s not an irredeemable or insufferable version of her either. and her character wasn’t ruined in my eyes at all. and she doesn’t ruin anything. but her explanations will always be fun to joke about! and i feel like people have been hating her more since these movies came out, which i think is really sad because Velma is an amazing character in general and has SOOO many lovable qualities.

also i cannot be a 2019 Velma hater because she gave me the Asamad redemption explanation. like she cooked with that and i am eating it up!! and i think the whole Vincent and Asamad thing fits 13 Ghosts so well because to me, 13 Ghosts as a show and the universe it takes place in is about family, whether blood related or not, and they are family since they’re blood related. and the gang is a family (found family, not blood related) and would do anything to protect each other and Asamad was protecting Vincent. so i think it’s actually a great ending to both the movie and the show. the story is wrapped up. but we can always go back to it and add more if we want. and i think that’s an ending that wraps up the plot of 13 Ghosts well. like i said, there’s always more to add to 13 Ghosts.

• ok for this next part im about to be so “well actually☝🏻🤓” with. Velma’s explanations are not her or the movie erasing the series and we weren’t supposed to take her explanations seriously. (sounds hypocritical of me to say i know cause i just said i believe in her AVG explanation but im just talking about the explanations that she used to try to disprove the supernatural now okay lol) she’s TRYING to “prove” it wasn’t real, but literally nobody else is agreeing with her and of course they know she’s wrong just like we know she’s wrong. the movie is saying she’s wrong. i feel like the whole sequel trilogy (that’s my new name for it) is saying her behavior is wrong. and there WAS a point in 13th Ghost where Velma believed in ghosts too before going back to not believing at the end. also in Happy Halloween, she kinda thinks about how’s she been acting and is like “ok maybe i should stop” and also says she trusts her friends more than science which is very cute. everyone else knows she’s wrong and she starts to realize it in Happy Halloween. and again, she refuses to open the chest at the end after everyone tells her not to. she CAN’T erase the events of the series or the events of Zombie Island, she doesn’t have the ability to do that, no matter how many times she screams “mass hallucinations from high altitude oxygen deprivation!” or “swamp gas!” so i think because of this + Asamad appearing to Vincent + Vincent making the cuffs that Mortifer put on him disintegrate + Mortifer’s illusions not really being explained + Vincent’s crystal ball teleporting the others outside also not being explained + the flashbacks, it’s proof that the series did happen and that magic and ghosts ARE in this movie. are there as much magic and ghosts as there are in the series? no, obviously not, but they’re still here. i think it’s the writers finding a way to work around the mandates and being like “we were told not to include magic, but this is literally magic right here.” (also i am of the opinion that real monsters in Scooby should be special and happen sometimes but not all the time, but that is somewhat different than what we’re talking about here. still always going to love real monsters in SD though!) (there was also a real cat person at the end of RTZI. again, still not as much real monsters as the original, but it’s still there) so Krieg TRIED to get rid of all the supernatural elements, but he didn’t actually succeed at it. this movie is not avoiding being supernatural, it’s just that there’s not as much magic here as there was in the original. i think this movie was done well even though yeah studio meddling is bad and i will always want things to be fair in the studio! (and it’s not the first time there’s been studio meddling behind the scenes of Scooby movies. even the ZI era had some) i really don’t think that this movie ruins the original, and the studio meddling did not ruin this or the entire trilogy it’s a part of. the original still exists people can still watch it whenever they want, it’s not gone. even if i did think the movie was bad like most people do, i still wouldn’t believe that it has the power to take away from the original or to ruin it. and it does not ruin people’s childhoods/poisons their childhood memories. this is also how i feel about any sequel or reboot ever made tbh. anyways im done talking about Jim Krieg i will not be talking about him anymore. so basically no, these movies never said or implied or tried to say or imply that the originals didn’t happen, they are not invalidating the originals at all. and they DO have some supernatural stuff in them, just not as much as the originals did.

• i love cheerleader Fred :)

• i like Mortifer being the villain because it creates some good angst between him and Vincent. and like i said, it’s funny to me

• the scene where Vincent tosses the chest aside tackles Asmodeus when he tries to attack Daphne, Shaggy, and Scooby is one of the best scenes in the entire movie like omg he really loves them🥹❤️

• Shaggy and Scooby were good at flying the plane idk maybe we should let them fly more planes in future SD stuff

• i think this movie is an important part of the franchise. and i think “Scoobystition” is an underrated Scooby song that should get more love.

• no this movie is not a nostalgic nightmare/nightmare in general or an insult/mockery to the franchise, the original, or the fans and i do not think that it shouldn’t have been made. it’s not pointless or a joke or disservice or disrespectful or cringe or disappointing/a letdown or that it’s a mess/doesn’t make sense or boring/mediocre. and the ending is not a slap in the face to the fans or bad or insulting or disappointing/a letdown or spitting in the face of the OG. and i don’t think that that the other 2 movies in the trilogy are all those things either or also shouldn’t have been made. the 3rd act of this movie is not bad/ruining it and is not the weakest part, (3rd act is actually one of my favorite parts) and these movies do not treat the audience like fucking idiots, etc. and i really also do not think that this is the worst Scooby trilogy or that 13th Ghost and RTZI are the worst Scooby movies. and i do not think this trilogy overall is not good/is bad and i do not think it’s a failure or a mess/doesn’t make any sense or that these movies are incompetent or unwatchable or irredeemable or frustrating/infuriating. and it doesn’t hurt for me to remember any of them, especially not this movie. im actually really glad this was made and like i said, it changed my life with the impact it had on me and how it got me through a rough time. like now i talk about Asamad and Vincent a lot. i ship Vincent and Mortifer. and the debut of Asamad led me to create an OC of mine who is his wife and i get to make fics about Asamad and his redemption thing. so i just CAN’T agree with people who say those things for those reasons alone. it’s crazy to think how i would be without it. i would still be hyperfixating over Shaphne, which isn’t a bad thing at all btw. im just saying, i wouldn’t be who i am right now if this movie hadn’t been made. and im glad the other two in the trilogy were made too. and i don’t feel insulted whenever i watch this movie or those. (i liked the sheriff being the villain in HHSD, i think it’s a good reveal and i think HHSD is a great movie too) tbh i also think 13th Ghost is the best out of the trilogy with Happy Halloween as a close second though i do think HHSD is the one with the best opening, and i definitely prefer this trilogy over the 80’s one and always will. i think it’s better. i like Ghoul School though it’s a cute movie <3 (i like Ghoul School better than RTZI and do think it’s better than that movie but i like this trilogy as a whole better than the 80’s trilogy and think it’s better) i also can’t look at this movie as a standalone film like my brain just associates it with 13 Ghosts automatically (same applies to the other one but with ZI of course) and i don’t think this movie would work better if it was standalone. (same with RTZI) i wish this trilogy got more love🥺 and i don’t understand how some people consider the first two some of the worst Scooby movies ever. also i don’t understand how some people think 13th Ghost is “just as insulting/bad” or worse than RTZI. and it also bothers me when some people will joke that they don’t exist. and no, the 13th ghost (Asamad) is not nothing or disappointing compared to the other 12.

• i don’t think the avalanche scene was too long or that there was too much of it. it didn’t bother me at all.

• i think Vincent couldn’t do magic for the most of the movie because he has trauma caused by his ancestor so whenever he sees him or someone that he believes to be him, he becomes powerless because his ancestor made him feel so powerless, like he couldn’t do anything. so it’s his body responding to whatever he was put through. this is based off him saying “ever since Asmodeus showed up, i haven’t been able to cast a single successful spell” (in-universe explanation)

• Flim Flam’s shop is one of the coolest things i’ve ever seen. also teen Flim Flam is awesome and so is his design! he still feels like the same guy but just older. and im happy that he’s doing well.

• i love Vincent’s puns they are funny and adorable. and also when he calls Flim Flam “his boy” OHHH MYYY GODDDDD THAT IS SO CUTEEE🥺🥺🥺🥺 im gonna need another sequel where he calls Daphne “his girl” NOW. and i hope he does see Flim Flam in town when he attends his coven’s next meeting.

and yeah, i know Daphne and Vincent aren’t exactly the way they were in the OG. like there’s been a few changes made. but i love the changes and they’re both amazing characters and well written and i love them so much in both the series and the movie! and i don’t think the movie was saying/acting like that’s exactly how they were in the OG, just that it’s how they are in this movie. and it’s not ruining Vincent or saying/acting like Daphne was or is exactly like Fred and could do everything. and im not at the point where im like “WHO ARE YOU PEOPLE???” like that one Spongebob meme. they both don’t feel too different to me like i don’t think there’s been too many changes made. and im just going to headcanon that Vincent got more comfortable around the gang which is why he’s more zany and lets them call him Vincent and that Daphne changed a little because of her fighting the demons. i still get enough 13 Ghosts vibes from her hair and outfit and this movie in general so it works well. there’s just a little new vibe added. it fits 13 Ghosts well. (i think there was always going to be a new vibe added/some changes made and part of why is because this was made at a different time than the series + this is a DTV movie + made by different people than the series was) but yeah i think the changes were good and i don’t have any problems or criticisms with them, i don’t think they were bad at all. and im going to headcanon Daphne wore that outfit and had that hair offscreen back in the days of the OG. (and yes i know one of the writers said that they were aware Daphne wasn’t exactly like that in the OG, but that’s how they saw her while watching it. im just saying i don’t think the movie was saying she was exactly like that in the OG)

• speaking of Daphne and Vincent, the scene where Asmodeus attacks them and she protects him? SUPERB. also her doing a spooky pun for him and he gets so happy about it is so🥺🥺🥺

• the 14th ghost joke is fun i love it

• i’m fine with Bogel & Weerd and Scrappy not being in the movie because there were some episodes of the series that Bogel and Weerd weren’t in. (obviously Scrappy was in every episode) yeah, it would’ve been interesting to see them brought back and im not saying they weren’t important characters in the show, im not against the idea of bringing them back and i don’t hate them at all. and im not saying the mandate to keep him out was good cause i don’t think that. i get why some people wanted them to come back, they are valid!! i remember wanting Scrappy to come back very much too around the time the movie was coming out. but im okay with them not being here. also Bogel and Weerd probably knew about Asamad’s redemption thing, so they were like “well, we’re not working for him now.” (in-universe explanation for why they aren’t in this movie) where was Scrappy during the events of the movie? Bogel and Weerd captured him and he went missing, but the others don’t know that and just think he’s still with his mom. why is he not included in the opening credits? Bogel and Weerd casted a spell so he wouldn’t be, they’re trying to erase any trace of Scrappy’s existence. (another in-universe explanation) (yes i know that the real world explanation is that WB mandated for him to not appear, and originally Flim Flam wasn’t allowed to be included either but they included him after a writer found a way to make him work in the story, but i just made my own explanation in-universe) and im not bothered by the “What’s A Scrappy?” joke it’s just whatever to me. like obviously i don’t love it but i’m not going in a seething rage over it. (i think i used to be bothered by it a few years ago, but im not bothered by it anymore and haven’t been for a while)

• about continuity: gonna have to talk about this for a bit. i don’t think there’s too much of what people will call “retcons” or “continuity errors.” i don’t think that the movie retcons everything from the original. and i think there’s enough references from the series to make the movie fit in the same timeline as it. and that’s all i have to say about that. (i do have this theory that Time Slime controlling time is why Flim Flam aged but the gang are teenagers though if anyone wants to read it)

————————————

you might be wondering who this movie and the entire trilogy it is from is for. the answer is me. i am the target audience. seriously, even if it is bad and im wrong about everything i just said, i still had fun with it! and i think that’s one of the most important things to me: to have fun with a movie. so if it’s trash, it’s MY trash and IM LOVING IIIIITTTT!!!!🥳🥳🥳 like that meme of a woman saying “what? i love garbage.” (also im the type of person that when i like a movie, 95% of the time i will genuinely think it’s good. and i will like something more after i rewatch or re listen to it lol) and i’ll take a bad movie ANY day over no movie at all. i definitely think there’s things in 13th Ghost that you might not notice on the first watch but notice during rewatches. and you know what? i really do love the mass hallucinations from high altitude oxygen deprivation in the Himalayas and swamp gas. sometimes they are just what i need.🤷🏻‍♂️

fun fact: i learned the term “criminal negligence” from this movie.

in conclusion:

here’s to Vincent Van Ghoul, Asamad Van Ghoul, Mortifer Quinch, teen Flim Flam, the avalanches, Mortifer’s car, and the jokes and memories and posts that were made along the way by me and my friends. to the never ending theories. to all the daydreams i’ve had influenced by this movie, to the growth i experienced these past 5 years. to all the demons i conquered and am still conquering today. to all the other Scooby fans out there who like/love this movie. to that 3 month period where i and so many other people were excited for this movie. (even though i would never want to go back to that time period, it was fun getting excited and coming up with theories and seeing the clips drop, and i look back fondly on those memories) sometimes i’m still surprised by remembering that this movie is real and was made, like i almost can’t believe this is an actual Scooby movie.

as Vincent was healed by Asamad’s redemption moment, i was healed by this movie in some ways. there’s no other movie i would choose to lose my sanity over in a fun and cool way! happy 5th birthday my beloved <3 thank you for everything. im glad you won that “best nostalgia era movie” poll last year on tumblr. i’m always going to love you and i think you will be remembered regardless of whether the general fandom opinion of you changes or not. i’ll never let go of or get tired of you. i think it’s beautiful how a piece of Scooby media in general can have impact on a person❤️

[catelyngrant]

2, 8, 10, 15 - for the writer asks! XD

2. How many fics did you work on this year? (They don’t have to be finished or published!) Oh man...I have notes and little bits of two paragraphs here, a page or five there, but most of those will never go anywhere and I'm sure I've forgotten most of those ideas already but for knowing that they're in the depths of my Google Drive.

I published 10 (which is way more than usual for me!) and I've worked on/started four that I feel committed to finishing and posting eventually, as well as one more that I'll either write in the next week or watch it disappear into the ether (pretty sure there's not gonna be an in-between option for this one). This has been a year of hyperfixation whiplash, which, combined with ADHD, has had me spiraling all over the place with ideas and then promptly getting distracted and losing the momentum.

8. Did you write for a new fandom or ship this year? You know, I didn't—this was actually the year of me returning to some very, very old roots! I've written and posted my first 24 fic since, Christ, idk...2006? And then my first BSG fic since 2011, my first Doctor Who fic since 2012, and my first Star Trek fic since 2013. I wasn't expecting this but it's been pretty wild and fun! The TNG cast reuniting on Picard and then having David and Catherine back as the Doctor and Donna on Doctor Who were extremely inspiring external factors, but BSG and 24 were basically whims. I signed up for a BSG exchange in honor of the 20 year anniversary because I thought it would be fun to dip my toes back in that pond and then absolutely panicked when I realized I had to actually write BSG fic in the year of 2023, and then I started the 24 fic during a rewatch awhile back and @starg8rocks reminded me of it a few months ago and inspired me to finish it.

So, in short: no new fandoms, but lots of old ones!

10. What fic made you feel the happiest to work on? I mean, the blood sacrifice (aka the Succession yacht vs. orca crack fic) was pretty entertaining to me personally. I'm also just having so many feelings about Doctor Who deciding that the 2023 message is "rest, recover, and reconnect with all of your friends". So, while it was quite bittersweet and partly the result of me actively rejecting the premise that Sarah Jane Smith is dead in-universe, it was mostly just lovely and cathartic to write what falls away is always and offer two characters I adore a soft, quiet moment of care and connection.

15. Rec a fic you wrote or posted in 2023. The two fics that I agonized over most this year were let your faith die, bring your wonder (BSG, Laura Roslin gen) and we even flew a little (Succession, post-s3 but pre-s4 Roman/Gerri). Between one being in an older fandom and being gen vs. shippy and the other being posted just before season four of Succession started and catapulted the entire fandom, me included, into a new era of fic, I'm not shocked that neither of them got as much love (comparatively) to others I posted this year, but I like them. They're both fics I'm a bit self-conscious about and felt unhappy with when I posted with but I think that's largely because they took so long and stressed me out more than anything else I wrote this year—I liked them more upon revisiting.

my fic from this year send me 2023 fic questions!

[ferusaurelius]

Get to know your fanfic writer!

I was tagged by @callista-curations and actually got to the end of the week with a bit of energy for once, so... here we go. ;)

When did you post your first ever fanfic?

The first EVER was on ff.net probably around 2000-2004? For a friend, for an obscure show nobody's heard of. My first fic I posted for myself was 2020.

First Character(s) you wrote?

I actually wrote original characters in the Mass Effect fandom. My short thought experiment on machine translation.

Main Character(s) you’re currently writing?

Nihlus Kryik, David Anderson, Commander Rentola

Character(s) you haven’t written about before but plan to write about soon?

Nyreen Kandros, Ashley Williams. Though they might take a bit since I'm still kinda marinating on what I want to do there.

Fandom(s) you’re currently writing?

Mass Effect! Hyperfixation fandom, go! (I write meta posts for Our Flag Means Death, but do not intend to write fic.)

Platonic pairing(s) you’re currently writing?

Commander Rentola and Ashley Williams

Romantic pairing(s) you’re currently writing?

Nihlus Kryik/Saren Arterius, David Anderson/Saren Arterius (yep!).

Your top AO3 tags?

Romantic Comedy (LOL). Good job, barfics!

Current platform you use for posting?

AO3. I've read a bunch of fic for different fandoms over the years and I'm pleased to be able to contribute when I have the energy.

Snippet of the WIP you are currently working on?

So bar!fics are going to have a long!fic sequel. Keep in mind I AM A SLOW WRITER with multiple wips, to the point where the 'easy' one-shots get published first.

I'm not sure about POV or pacing, but it'll be in a different voice and tone than the originals and have actual mission-oriented plot and some developing relationship stuff.

If you don't want spoilers, I've put it below the cut. ;)

This is a Very Rough high-level outline of a fragment of the entire plot, because my 'other' current WIP is maybe gonna be a nano project. I have various wip possibilities dueling it out for my attention and will see you in December. xD

Normally I would tag a few people to play (and if you feel like playing and you are reading this, IT IS YOU WHO IS TAGGED xD), but specifics are beyond my brain tonight.

Outline time~

Saren entertains Nihlus with his own history and experience of the Skyllian Verge, as well as being a sort of guide to the full intelligence picture, as he understands it.

Nihlus (with a snap of intuition) puts together that something bigger and more urgent than Saren thinks is happening or likely to happen, and it makes him restless and want to investigate immediately, because what if his intuition is right?

Saren insists that Nihlus should go as soon as his ankle’s recovered. He has his own authority.

Nihlus declines to ‘rush’ into something and presents an alternative of walking Saren through his process and treats this as a getting-to-know you thought exercise to keep Saren distracted from how fucking miserable the detox process is.

Saren and Nihlus together, working the problem over food and no access to other sources of information beyond what they can recall, come up with a terrible plan.

Nihlus can infiltrate the merc group by having a public falling-out with Saren.

Saren can get sent to hunt down “Rogue Spectre” Nihlus in the Verge.

Nihlus treats this seriously and starts workshopping different options while Saren is getting increasingly agitated about the whole concept of the frame-up.

Saren: I can’t ask you to do this.

Nihlus: Fine, you’re not asking. I’m volunteering.

Saren: I don’t know if I can let you do this.

Nihlus: It’s my decision.

Saren: -can’t dispute this, even if he doesn’t like it-

Saren: -eventually agrees, though he doesn’t like it-

Saren: Alternatives.

They come up with others that have less advantage in discretion, timing, or access.

Saren is forced to admit that Nihlus’s idea about infiltrating a group directly is the best one, since it allows them the most flexibility in cover story and depth of access. Plus, Nihlus is marked.

Saren: I’ve never asked.

Nihlus: -tells him-

Nihlus: What are you going to need for your part to work?

Saren: You, eyes open, and no hesitation. Trust me to manage my end no matter what you hear or what happens.

Nihlus: -kinda loves this about Saren- With my life.

Saren: It may come to that.

Nihlus: We’ll worry about that when it happens.

It will happen.

Saren: A better medical regimen.

Nihlus: I’ve never asked.

Saren: -tells him-

... and that's all you get to see for now. xD Be intrigued! Be very intrigued. If you can guess what canon event this is gonna be AU for, you get bonus points. ;)

[icemankazansky]

Hey! first off thank you for the post on the casket wings. I'm working my way through your Storm series (late to the party I know).

I was wondering since you've shipped Icemav pre-TGM, how the new movie changed or confirmed your Icemav head canons.

I never really shipped them before TGM except as a passing thought of "they should have kissed" after TG86 but now I'm on the bullet train lol.

You're welcome.

Also, you're the second person this week to say "sorry I'm late" re: Storm, and I have two thoughts about that:

Stories are forever. There's no right time to read them for the first, second, or hundredth time. That's the beauty of them.

I was late to my own damn party. I think a lot of people new to the fandom since TGM do not realize this, but I took an eight year break between writing Storm 1 and 2 and writing Storm 3 and 4.

Oooookay, this is going to be a long one, buckle up.

When I first heard they were making a sequel to Top Gun, I was not excited. I kind of dreaded it, actually. I'm going to give you a little backstory, because it explains a lot of things.

I started my Val Kilmer fixation and my relationship with his work, including Top Gun, right about the same time I started grad school. I was further away from home than I had ever been before—no safety net. And I lost my health insurance because I stopped working to go to school. I have suffered from a little mental illness cocktail since about seventh grade, primarily depression-heavy bipolar II, and when I moved to Savannah, I had to go off all my meds. I did not have any sort of mental health care. So here I am unmedicated, untreated, completely on my own, and going through this rigorous program.

I needed something to hold onto. I needed a distraction; I needed a way to self-soothe.

I got Val Kilmer.

It became a hyperfixation, I guess. I watched dozens of his movies; I started creating fan content for those movies, first Thunderheart, primarily, a few smaller things for other films, and then Top Gun and Icemav specifically not long after. I deep dove this shit. I ended up writing my MFA thesis on Val Kilmer movies, okay? That's how important this became to me. I am not being hyperbolic when I say: He saved my life.

And even after I graduated and got back into treatment, these movies and these characters and these ships were incredibly important to me. I had a personal, emotional connection to them, and I was really afraid, when I heard they were making TGM, that the movie would damage Ice or Maverick or—and this was my specific fear more than anything—Icemav for me. And I needed them. Storm is basically my preferred canon post-Top Gun OG, and it supposes a lot of things that I was sure an action film by a major studio would never give me. I knew they were not going to end up happily married, okay? Like, I knew I wasn't going to get that. That didn't mean I didn't want it, but I knew that wasn't going to happen. I was just afraid that the movie would do more than that, and, like, definitively say in some way or another that their relationship was not important, or that it was absolutely not romantic, that they didn't love each other the way I knew they did, etc.

I saw Top Gun: Maverick on Top Gun Tuesday, a special showing on the Tuesday before the movie opened everywhere. As I've said, I was already very emotionally invested in what happened in this film, and you know, I have a mood disorder, and I'm also an empath and I cry pretty easily when I'm experiencing media, especially if it's a visual media like television or film. I know this about myself. I can't help it. I packed tissues in my purse on Top Gun Tuesday because I fully expected to cry a lot.

And I didn't. I loved the movie, and I thought what they had done with Icemav was the best that we were ever going to get from an action movie made by a major studio. It was evident that the relationship was integral to both characters, that it pretty much started in 1986 and never stopped, was a continuous presence throughout both their lives for 36 years. It showed deep affection between Ice and Maverick and incredible respect without losing the playfulness that their competitiveness would have mellowed into over that time. And it was open-ended, mostly. It's suggested that Ice got married, but it's never stated (Sarah could be his sister), and the nature of the relationship is never defined. I'm currently running on a Sarah is aroace and Ice is gay and in love with Maverick and Ice and Sarah have a platonic marriage and maybe even children, but it has not in any way stopped Ice and Maverick from having a romantic and sexual relationship for 30+ years model, and it's not exactly what I hoped for, but it's enough room for me to retcon it, to fit the pieces together so I can keep Icemav, because it's important to me and I need it.

I did eventually break down and cry about it about three days later. I was heartbroken over Ice, and it was really hard for me to watch Ice die of the same thing that had made Val so sick, and it was really hard for me that Ice dies—depending upon when you decide the movie takes place—before he's 60 years old, or just north of 60, and it was really hard for me to not get a happily ever after for Icemav.

I have been working on a fic that kind of explains how 1986 - 2022 worked for Icemav within the frame given to us by TGM, but I've been working on it since May 24th (incidentally the same day I saw the movie for the first time), so I don't know when it'll be complete. It's just shy of 25,000 words at the moment, and it's helping me work through some of the feelings that Icemav in TGM gave me, but for me, it's just going to be one version of what could have happened. I don't ... I don't see Storm as any less valid because of TGM, and I'm not going to stop loving that version of things and I'm not going to stop writing for it, and I'm not going to stop thinking of other endings for them, and other middles, because I love them and they deserve happily ever afters, and so do I.

I hope that answers your question. I know this was a lot, but it's been 12 years for me, and a lot has gone into my relationship with Icemav, so there's a lot to say.

[sybillapandemia]

i'm sorry about the lack of updates to the gekiyaku website.... truth be told i got distracted and worked on other websites. i'm not hyperfixated on hatoful since a few years so my relationship with it is vague. in a way, it's good, because instead of just focusing on one part of the series, i might be able to analyze every aspect of it separately.

i'd also like to make the actual information pages more interesting visually.

merry christmas (4 days too late)

[thatadhdfeel]

Hiii, so I hope you won't mind my little rant. If you do, feel free to delete this! But I have no one I can comfortably talk to about this at this point, so I thought why not.

So I've accidentally started learning about ADHD just this year. Honestly I was trying to find some info on something else but then I got distracted and, y'know. I never before in my life thought I might have ADHD, but now I think there's a high chance. I'm scared to talk about this to my GP or anyone else really. I'm scared they'll mock me or ignore what I'm saying, or say I'm stupid etc.

Either way, I have some trouble umderstanding hyperfocus & hyperfixation. I always think of excuses why it's probably not that but idk. For example, I love video games. Always have. It's the only interest of mine that stayed with me from early childhood up til now that I'm an adult. I often can play over 120 hours a week, especially when I find a new game I'm really into. Then I won't even finish it and just... leave it. I WANT TO finish it but seemingly I can't. Don't know why. Same goes with books, comics, tv series etc. Once, I accidentally found out there's this flower marigold and I immediately thought it's really beautiful. An hour passed and I ended up ordering seeds, pots, compost etc. for the next day. I got to work and for the next couple of weeks I kept blabbering about my flowers to anyone that would listen (and even if they wouldn't tbh, I was too excited and proud) and showing them pictures etc. It was like my little child. Until a few weeks passed and I grew bored. I wanted to clean the pot but I kind of kept procrastinating and it ended up dying :( Other times I find out a new book or manga series and order a few at the same time (yeah, I have a spending problem) and just end up never finishing it. It's just lying on my shelves, waiting for me to pick it up again.

I don't know if any of these are hyperfocus or hyperfixations but I thought I may as well ask for someone else's opinion or advice. Or just vent at the very least. Sorry for long message!

i dont mind at all!

I mean, it could be hyperfocus & hyperfixation, but there's no way to say for sure as other disorders can cause similar experiences to what you're describing here. for example i have bipolar and experience the picking-up-lots-of-projects-spending-too-much-money during hypomania, but my ADHD def aggravates it. so again there's lots of experiences that overlap between a lot of different disorders esp. in this regard. so i think your best bet is to talk to your GP, i know its scary but i believe in you<3

[ouatnextgen]

Cygnet Scholar Ship Headcanons

My last main Next Gen ship, Hope Swan-Jones and Gideon Gold!

This ship is my bias for some reason lmao. I can't explain why I love the ship between two barely there characters who never met in canon.

I think that @kazoosandfannypacks put it best in the tags of this post: "'our parents are sworn enemies but we're childhood best friends to lovers' is SUCH a good dynamic."

Also, idk if I ever mentioned this, but in this AU, Gideon stays in Storybrooke and grows up normally there, so he's about a year older than Hope, and four or five months younger than Robyn.

Tropes: Childhood friends to lovers || Kindred spirits || Will-they-won’t-they || Partners in crime || They both like each other, they’re just idiots || Banter

Songs: Chasing Cars- Snow Patrol || Follow You- Imagine Dragons || The Last of the Real Ones- Fall Out Boy || Fire Escape- Andrew McMahon || Sober Up- AJR || Hold Me While You Wait- Lewis Capaldi

Headcanons Under the Cut: (all pre-relationship)

They’ve been best friends since they were toddlers.

They were very close in elementary school, somewhat drifted apart in middle school, and got very close again in high school.

Gideon has liked Hope since early middle school. Hope started liking him in late middle school/ early high school.

Since Gideon is a year older, they don’t have many classes together, but they meet up in the library at lunch. 

Gideon is a mathlete, and Hope is on the school dance team. They try to go to each other’s events after school.

Since they’re both socially inept, they like to hang out in places where there aren't a lot of people. Their favorite spots are: The roof of Mr. Gold’s pawn shop, the clock tower in the library, and the beach on stormy days.

Hope loves talking to Gideon about her hyperfixations, and Gideon loves listening to her.

Hope calls Gideon “Croc,” “Love,” and “Handsome Hero.” Gideon calls Hope “Cygnet,” “Princess,” and “Dearest.”

Gideon has chronic nightmares from his time as the Black Fairy’s puppet, and Hope is happy to distract him when he doesn’t want to bother his mom.

They both leave their windows unlocked at night, and are constantly sneaking into each other’s rooms after nightmares/ anxiety.

Hope doesn’t have any magic, and Gideon fears his own magic. They like to complain about these problems together.

Hope got them those tacky best friend heart necklaces for Gideon’s birthday. Both claim it was a joke, but they rarely take them off.

Gideon is 5’8, and Hope is 5’3, so he picks her up a lot. Mainly to convince her not to do stupid things.

Hope has tried to date a few people before realizing she had it bad for Gideon (including Robyn, but that’s another post) nothing ever worked out longer than a few weeks, and a few were Not Great relationships. Since Gideon is the Dark One’s son, a lot of kids his age either fear him or bully him relentlessly. So not great in the dating department.

Gideon never put much thought into his sexual orientation, but he knows he likes both girls and guys. Hope knew she was asexual pretty early on. She figured out that she was demiromantic later through Alex Boyd, Storybrooke’s resident queer helper-outer. 

Since the whole…thing with Gideon’s dad being mortal enemies with Hope’s dad, and Gideon almost killing Hope’s mom or whatever, Gideon always assumes that Killian and Emma hate him, but that couldn’t be further from the truth. Emma, Killian, and Belle all look forward to the day when Hope and Gideon finally get together. (Rumple cheated and looked into the future so he knows that they do lol)

[feisaru]

I have 2 questions: - What got you into Inazuma Eleven and into shipping SaruFei and -What is your MBTI?

I like those two asks a lot! I've been waiting for someone to ask me about it for ages. Thank you!

First, about my MBTI. I am one pretty solid INTJ, I have a tendency to lean towards ENTJ in certain aspects tho. (As a little trivia on the side: I'm interested in MBTI and so have been researching functions etc. for quite some time now)

What got me into IE?

Simple. My brother. Summer 2018, he was always watching that annoying soccer show on TV at our grandparents' house, always asking me to come join him. And you know what? One day, I did, and it was one of the best decisions throughout my entire life. The show (only the first season back then) grew onto me rapidly, especially its lovable characters. Heck, IE had me in such a chokehold that I even played soccer with my brother bc of it. At the very beginning, Afuro was living in my head rent-free. He specifically helped me through some very rough times and I will never forget that. He will always be dear to my heart. I did get "out of" IE at some point for reasons, but I always wound up coming back to it cause turns out, no other franchise has ever quite given me as much comfort as this one. Across the last few years, I've been always returning to it with my thoughts whenever it got especially bad. I'm glad I managed to properly come back to it and have it be a big part of my everyday life (hyperfixation be damned (very lovingly)).

Now, imo, Chrono Stone deserves a honorary mention. The CS game (and later the anime) made me feel approximately ten times better than the rest of IE, and that's something. Long story short, I picked up the game from the store the first time I was into IE right after I had done research and learned that this franchise is actually based on games. There was no other game there, so I thougt this would do, too. Then I didn't touch it until 2021. The reason I started playing it was that I desperately needed to escape reality and CS succeeded at distracting me excellently. Coming home in the evening to open my Nintendo was the single highlight of my day.

How did I become insane over Sarufei?

Good question, anon. I cannot really pinpoint the moment it happened, but I can tell you it was pretty quick. Their first bits together already caught my attention in the most brain-tickling way possible, like this one:

The CS manga panel where they let Saryuu cry after he lost and Fei reassures him played into that too (I bought the manga solely for that, but turns out it was overall good). I could go on and on about their psychological aspects that spoke to me right off the bat, but I'll spare you that. Before I knew it, I was trying to search out content of them at 3 am on a week day (good content of them is pretty hard to come by with, in my experience at least). My head was really really really full of them, as it is now as well. They're pretty much the reason I picked up drawing & content creating again after years. The first thing I did after I finished playing CS was draw them and create a social media account so I can post it, so I can find someone to talk about them to. I had to channel how unhinged I'm over them somehow. They're also the reason I still keep on drawing. They make so fucking ill and I'm rotating them in my head at all times.

In conclusion, thanks for letting me go wild through text although this is by far not the best thing I've ever written

(I have. So much to say its jarring but sharing my stuff makes me anxious sometimes nonetheless)

[in-my-feels-probably]

HEEYYY! CONGRATS ON 800 LOVE<3 How are you?

It sounded too fun for me to not join your celebration so here it is! i wanna say grishaverse like any character from both book series and i don't have a gender preference and ofc romantically cause i have no romance in my life.

Next year i'm going to study english literature in uni as a second language and i have always wanted to be a writer so studying literature is something i'm really exited about. I'm an enfp! My best friend once said my personality is like Elizabeth bennet's and i never forget that cause it's such an honor. i usually hyperfixate on reading or i binge watch and in the end i burn out for a few days. I LOVE drawing but i can't draw so it's always so funny when i try. I love harry potter's opening music(?) It's SO comforting. i don't use any social media very actively because i get overwhelmed by it really easy. And i apparently love oversharing on the internet.

Im sorry this is long i got carried away. Thank you for existing and please don't forget to drink water and eat, have really great day/night, love you<3

hi!

thank you for participating :)

i’m good btw, thanks for asking. i hope you’re good too. first of all, taste. i adore james potter. you and me sound very similar actually, i bet you’re really fun to hang out with.

anyways, i ship you with nikolai!

being a prince, he’s probably done his fair share of reading. i don’t think he reads in his free time, but i do think he’d appreciate a good book or quote. so while he might not read, maybe he’d ask you to read it him or tell him what the book you’re reading is about. and if you were writing, he’d be happy to bounce ideas off you so he could help. might as well put that high education to good use. and i think he loves music. “its enough to make a grown man cry,” is definitely something he’d say to you when he found a piece that he really loved.

i think he’d get along well with an enfp. elizabeth bennet is probably one of his ideal personalities that he’d want in a partner, so if you’re like that, he’d count himself lucky. someone who’s outgoing enough to keep a conversation going, but also someone content to just be calm and serene with him. he’d definitely love witty banter, but he’d also love some peace and quiet too, except i don’t think he likes being alone. so being with someone who’s happy to just be in his presence, and be there if he needs someone to talk to, he’d really value that.

i think he really understand burnout. he constantly has a million things running through his head, and tons of ideas, and there’s just no time to execute them all. once he did have time for his ideas, he’d get really frustrated when he couldn’t execute them well. he’d need some kind distraction, and you’d be more than happy to provide one.

he’d hear you coming, immediately relaxing when you took a seat beside him. “hello, darling.”

“are you alright?” you’d ask, frowning when he rested his head on your shoulder and sighed. “bad day?”

“very long day,” he’d answer, reaching for one of your hands. “waste of time, too.”

he’d show you his sketches he drew up when trying to create the flying ship, and you’d smile, taking a piece of parchment and a quill from him.

“i’ve got this,” you’d grin, immediately sketching away. you knew it would be terrible, but the smile on his face would be worth it.

he’d laugh so hard that he’d nearly make himself sick, settling himself into your arms. he’d consider getting you lessons, but he knew you didn’t draw because you wanted to be a great artist. it was purely for fun, and it made you smile, just like you made him smile.

“it’s terrible, darling,” he’d say, wrapping one arm around you while holding the parchment in the other. “i love it!”