#i got the sore throat on saturday and it just got worse from there

[the-eng1ne]

good god i am so sick rn

[chaoticghostgremlin]

Patient Zero prompt idea for you:

Val wakes up with a slightly runny nose that also feels congested. As the day goes on, he starts feeling worse and worse. Vox and Velvette tell him to rest. Vox takes care of him (he also hates that Val doesn’t cover is mouth when he coughs or sneezes plus Val just throws his used snotty tissues everywhere). The next day, Vox wakes up feeling a little off, but not enough to be concerned about. As the day goes on, he starts showing signs of the nasty cold that Val has. Instead of resting however, Vox tries to go along his day as if nothings wrong, that is until Velvette hears Vox sneezing (he doesn’t kno that she’s home) and she confronts him and tries to force him to rest, of course Vox is a cocky stubborn man. Velvette now has to take care of both men, one is absolutely disgusting and the other is stubborn and in denial that he’s even sick even tho it’s obvious. The next day, Velvette wakes up with a sore throat, and a stuffy nose that progressively becomes worse throughout the day, when sickly sniffly and sneezy Vox notices Velvette, he suddenly feels bad for her as she tends to get the worse fevers. Now all 3 of them are sick and easily get on each others nerves.

Sorry that’s all I can think of. Also sorry that this is so damn long 🤣. Doesn’t have to go this way, you can change it to how you want it, but here’s my prompt for it!

Cw : Contagion , mention of Val's poison, a bit of descriptive mess

Thank you for prompt!! I went a slightly different direction and Voxxy will caretake in part 2. I haven't written much in years but this was fun

Patient Zero part 1

The hell flu had been very bad this flu season and half of Val's employees were out sick. But not before they so generously made the porn overlord so sick. 

On a Saturday morning, Val blinked his eyes open slowly . He couldn't see shit so he put on his glasses but his vision was still so blurry. He had a wheeze to his breathing and he couldn't breathe out his nose. He swore if Vox brought home another cat he was going to spank him. The throbbing of his head indicated this wasn't allergies though. The moth groaned and noticed his partners werent in bed. He slowly got up and stretched , stretching out his aching wings and body. The shift in his sinuses from getting up made him sneeze twice "ah-ah-ah-ah?? " he fanned his face and was released uncovered towards the ground "ACHEWWW ACHEWWW , conyo, disculpe" .He sprayed towards the ground, a faint red mist of poison making it obvious when he didn't cover.  This was going to be a long day. He put on a fluffy housecoat and shivered.

 He went downstairs to find Vel and Vox eating breakfast , a coffee and plate set out at his seat for him. "Gracias, mis amores" Valentino said , then let out a few coughs as he sat down. Velvette shot him a glare and said "you better not get me sick I have an important fashion show coming up, cover your mouth mothman". Val was very nonchalant when it came to keeping his germs to himself ,which most of the time made him patient zero. "Disculpe, meñeca " Val said, though he didn't mean it.  Val picked at his omelette , not feeling very hungry. The taste of the coffee brew was lovely on his sore throat. He sniffled obnoxiously from the steam. Vox gave him a look and Val blushed .  Vox wordlessly  slid him the tissue box they kept on the dining table and Val said "thanks mi amor". He got up , grabbed a few tissues and went into the hallway. The moth demon blew his nose very wetly and loudly. Velvette cringed but at least he walked away. Valentino came back and sat at the table putting the used snot filled tissues beside his plate on the table . Vel rolled her eyes and said "I'm leaving before patient zero makes me sick", grabbing her bag quickly and putting on her shoes. She then walked out the apartment, going towards her studio.

 Valentino said "patient zero? That's dot true mi amor" , looking offended. "She has a point , baby boy. You kind of don't keep your germs to yourself and get spray everywheres" Vox said, shrugging. "But you like my fluids Voxxy "Valentino said with a wink and Vox sighed. "Just be careful alright? Don't overwork yourself " Vox said and kissed the moths forehead. What did that earn him? His arm getting sprayed with germs when Valentino went into a coughing fit. "Ewww, maybe you should stay home actually. You sprayed meeee. I have to run my antivirus protocol immidiatly. I am NOT catching this shit Val" Vox said, looking at his robotic arm that had specks of red and spray on it now. The tech overlord said "I have to go to work, try not to contimanate the living space love" and tentively gave the sick overlord a hug. Valentino melted into his touch, shivering and appreciating the warmth which Voxxy radiated. Vox ran an anti virus protocol , zoning out and making sure his body wouldn't catch this. He didn't hear the moths breath hitch and then all of a sudden Val sneezed loudly "heh-?? USHIEWS ISHIEWW ISHIEWWW CHEWW HXNEWW, oh disculpe amorcito. " . The moth had gotten Vox's chest, spraying him with snot and red mist. "I'm uh gunna go change,Jesus Christ. Damn you bitch. Salud.youre lucky you sneeze so adorably”The tech overlord muttered and lead the shaky moth to the bedroom.

The lanky moth leaned against his boyfriend and shivered as he was guided go the bedroom. He had a harsh coughing fit, mostly uncovered but pulling his robe up to his face at the last second. The air had germs and red mist in it around them. Vox sighed and said “Can you please make an effort to cover your mouth? I have important meetings pequeña pollila” . “Mm sorry heh-ISHIEWW ISHIEWW V-voxxy. Disculpe” Val said sleepily and aimed the sneezes into his robe sleeve. He cringed as it left red specks but wasn't obvious since his robe was red. The porn overlord let the tv man tuck him in bed . 

Everytime Val was patient fucking zero and it pissed him and Vel off. The tech overlord felt a bit of pity for him though and got him some water , pain relievers, fever reducers and cough medecine. He also brought a few boxes of tissues into the bed and put the meds and water on the bedside table for when Val would wake up. The moth snored and Vox leaned over, taking off his sunglasses. Val shivered and curled up in a ball as Vox kissed his forehead then left for work.Vox went off to work and hoped against all odds that he wouldn't fuckin catch this thing.

—------------------------------------

Notes : My favorite part of this was adding Spanish . I'm not fluent but figured Franglish is similar to Spanglish enough. Hope someone enjoyed. Again, my grammar isn't the greatest due to learning disabilities and sometimes forget words in English . 

 Meñeca=doll

Mi amor = my love

MI amores= my loves 

Disculpe= excuse me 

Conyo=damn 

Amorcito= my love,my darling, my honey 

Pequeña Pollila= little moth

[sequinsmile-x]

hello bestie, i may have a fic idea… im not sure if you have ever written this but aaron just got back from a case being all badass and taking down the bad guy but when he comes home, his little girl is forcing him to play ‘cashier’ with her and he takes his role as cashier very seriously. serious at work, serious play time with his little girl. emily jokes that if he retires from the fbi he should work as a cashier 😂

hiiii bestie!

I thought that the 'This is Our Place' universe would be the perfect place for this.

I was out at my movie club tonight with my friends, but here's a little something I wrote on my lunch break earlier. Really hope you like this <3

The winner of the poll I ran on what to write next is a fic where Aaron's hearing loss gets worse, so keep an eye out for that in the next couple of days!

-x-

This is Our Place, We Make The Rules - Chapter 10 - Playtime

A collection of non-sequential mini-fics and one-shots of Hotchniss and their life at home.

Chapter 10 - Playtime

Warnings: pregnancy

Words: 1.4k

Read over on Ao3, or below the cut

Lunch with her mother was never Emily’s favourite way to spend a Saturday afternoon. 

It was something she got through, gritting her teeth every time Elizabeth made a comment that set her on edge. Nothing was out of bounds for her mother. Anything was up for criticism whether it was Emily’s job, something to do with the house or, her least favourite, her parenting choices. Usually, she’d enjoy a glass of wine with lunch but right now she couldn’t even do that. 

She groans as she gets out of the car, her hand pressed against her bump as she does, grunting as she stands up straight. Another baby hadn’t been part of the plan. When she started to feel not like herself, sore breasts, nausea and mood swings even she couldn’t deny, she thought she was starting the menopause. It was only when her doctor told her that she was pregnant that she even considered it a possibility. Once the shock wore off she felt nothing but happiness, the thought of having another baby, of making their life even more chaotic than it already was suddenly all she wanted. 

They were having another girl, news that seemed to complete their family the moment they found out, and Emily was excited to meet her. To know if she’d look more like her or Aaron, if she’d look like Benjamin or Nancy did when they were newborns. 

She smiles as she lets herself into the house and she’s immediately met by Benjamin running up to her, his arms tight around her legs before she even has the door closed. 

“Hi Mommy, missed you,” he says, squeezing her tighter, and she bends down to pick up the four-year-old, hiking him up so he’s sitting on top of her bump. 

“Hi sweet boy,” she replies as she adjusts her stance to take the extra weight of him, “Mommy missed you too,” she says, kissing the side of his head and breathing him in. The scent of his shampoo calms her, releases the tension in her chest that only her mother could create, “What did you do whilst I was gone?” 

“Playing games with Jack,” he answers and she smiles at him, already walking towards the living room where she can hear the video game they’d been playing.

“That’s fun,” she says, smiling as they walk into the living room. Jack turns to smile at her and he scrambles up off of the couch, wrapping his arms around her, “Hi Jack.” 

“Hi Mom,” he says, his eyes flashing with concern as he steps back, “How was Grandma Liz?” 

She clears her throat to cover a laugh, his serious expression something he’d got from Aaron. She hates that Jack has started to pick up on the tension between her and her mother. Elizabeth was a good grandmother, a better one than Emily ever thought she’d be capable of being. She wanted to protect her children’s relationship with her mother, especially since they had very few family members. 

“She was okay, honey. She said she’s excited to see you soon,” she says, lowering Benjamin onto the couch, “Where are your Dad and sister?” 

“In the playroom,” Jack says as he passes Benjamin a controller to distract him. Emily smiles her thanks at him and she walks through the house, turning to look at her sons one more time, smiling at the sight of them playing together, before she carries on. 

She stops as she turns the corner into the playroom, pressing her lips together to stop her smile from blooming too widely at the sight she’s met with. 

Aaron and Nancy were playing with her wooden supermarket, the little girl's favourite toy. Clearly, the decision had been made that for once Aaron was the shopkeeper and Nancy was the customer, and Emily steps into the doorway to watch them play. 

He’s sitting on the floor, cramped into the spot where Nancy would usually stand behind the wooden counter, with a tiny name tag on his shirt with ‘Daddy’ written on it in his handwriting. He looks up at her, smiling as their eyes meet, before he turns his attention back to their little girl. Nancy hadn’t turned around, seemingly unaware her mother was home, instead concentrating on her game with a level of seriousness she had inherited from Aaron.

“Good afternoon ma’am,” Aaron says as Nancy puts the little basket in her hands on the counter, “Did you find everything you needed?” 

Nancy nods, her hands clasped in front of her as Aaron scans all the fake groceries, diligently packing them into the paper bag he’d set up on the end, “Yes.” 

Emily covers her mouth to stop herself from making a noise, the overwhelming joy and love she feels as she watches them together threatening to burst free. She places her other hand on her bump, excitement at the prospect of watching Aaron be a dad to the baby shifting around inside of her forcing tears to press at the back of her eyes. It was hard to think sometimes that this man, the man currently packing fake fruit and vegetables under the instruction of their two-year-old daughter, was the same man who had once attempted to throw her out of his office. It felt like nothing less than a privilege to see him like this, to be the one who saw the softer side she would have once claimed he didn’t have. 

“Do you have your loyalty card?” Aaron asks and Nancy hands a card over, which Emily can see is Aaron’s actual loyalty card for their local grocery store, “Thank you, your total is $20.15.” 

She hands over the fake money and takes her groceries back, it’s only then the toddler turns around and notices Emily standing in the doorway.

“Mama!” She squeals, dropping her toys and running over, her arms already up in the air. 

“Sweetie, be careful with Mommy-” Aaron says as he starts to stand up, grimacing as his knees pop.

“She’s fine,” Emily says, raising her eyebrow at her husband as she picks Nancy up. She kisses her daughter’s cheek, “Mama missed you.” 

“Missed Mama,” she replies, rubbing her face against Emily’s neck, her tiny fingers tangling in her hair. 

“You tired baby?” She asks and Nancy shakes her head, but Aaron nods, confirming that the little girl hasn’t had her nap yet, “Well Mommy is, so why don’t we sit down, huh?” 

Emily grunts as she sits down on the couch in the corner, purposely ignoring the way her husband raises an eyebrow at her. He joins them, his arm around her shoulders as he kisses the side of her head. 

“Hi by the way,” he says, smiling as she turns her head to look at him, taking the opportunity to stamp a kiss against her lips. 

“Hi,” she replies, kissing him again. She rubs her hand up and down their daughter’s back, a sure-fire way of making her fall asleep that had worked ever since she was a tiny newborn. 

“How was your mom?” 

She hums and rests her head on his shoulder, “The same as usual,” she grumbles, tilting her head to look up at him, “Although now she has a fun new thing where when I ordered my meal she told me I’m ‘carrying the weight’ differently this pregnancy,” she rolls her eyes, “Which is just her way of saying I’m fat.” 

“She said that?” he asks, furrowing his brows, his irritation bubbling in his chest, “She’s fuc…” he drifts off when she raises her eyebrows at him, her eyes pointing at a half-asleep Nancy, and he clears his throat, “She’s unbelievable.” 

“Nice save,” she says, kissing his jaw, “It’s fine. It’s done now. I won’t have to see her for a while.” 

He sighs and rests his hand on her bump, smiling when he feels the baby shift, “That’s true. I just wish she wasn’t like that at all.” 

“Me too,” Emily replies, blowing out a slow breath. She wanted more than anything to have a decent relationship with her mother, the one she knew she’d have with her kids when they were older, but she knew that wasn’t possible. She’d manage with what she had - especially when she had this to come home to, “Honey?” 

“Yes, sweetheart.” 

“If you ever decide to leave the FBI, I think you have a promising career as a cashier.” 

-x-

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[addictedtosickfics]

My boyfriend caught his first cold in our relationship

My boyfriend went to a wedding on Friday and came home with a hoarse voice from all the singing and screaming.

On Saturday, his throat was just still a little sore, but that's normal after screaming every song you know.

When I came over on Sunday, he greeted me with a hug and almost instantly told me that he was going to be chewing gum a lot that day because his throat hurt. I told him that was fine, of course. Though I did think it was weird that his throat still hurt on Sunday afternoon when the wedding was Friday night.

The day was normal, but when we were winding down for the night, I asked him if he wanted me to stay over. Because even at that point when he was pretty sure it was just from using his voice too much, he still didn't feel great.

He said that he wanted me to stay over and that he would call out of work tomorrow. And he was glad he called out because he got a horrible night's sleep. He got up once to take some ibuprofen, and then we cuddled for a bit when he returned. He slept very fitfully and got up another time to get a spoon of honey because the meds did nothing for him.

When morning came, I woke up alone in bed, which is not entirely unusual because he gets up much earlier than me, but that morning I didnt hear him doing anything upstairs.

I got up and went to the living room and to my surprise he's laying cuddled up on the couch. And he was passed tf out.

So I refilled his water bottle, laid down on the other side of the couch, and watched tiktoks on silent until he woke up.

He woke up dazed and I asked him why he went to the couch as I switched the blanket he was using to a comfier one from bed. And he said that he didn't mean to fall asleep up there. He just woke up, went upstairs and decided he was going to be awake. But he eventually sat down on the couch and fell asleep again.

We cuddled for a little while before I told him I was going to run to town to get breakfast for us.

I ended up picking us up some donuts, but I got him some cough drops and a chamomile mint tea from caribou as well.

When I got back, he was much more awake. We ate our food. His voice was just as bad as the night before, if not worse, but now he was also sniffly.

He took a hot shower after we ate. I sat on the couch again, but I could hear him coughing from the shower, and my heart just ached for him.

The rest of the day was filled with cuddles, movies, sniffles, and nose blows (which he mostly excused himself to the bathroom to do, unfortunately)

The few times he did blow his nose in front of me was with a paper towel when we were eating lunch. His blows were always very soft and he almost always pinched his nose from the middle of his bridge down in a swiping motion that was really rough on his nose because he was using paper towel.

It left his nose so cute and red though. A few other things of note are that sometime after lunch, he decided to take his temperature, and he had a low-grade fever. And for those of you who like it (me included) the night I stayed over, he said out loud that he "might be getting sick" and then when his dad called him the next morning to ask why he wasn't at work (life360) he told him that he was sick.

Also, he knows about my kink, but I honestly think he forgets about it sometimes and I don't know if I should really remind him right now haha.

But yeah I'll post again if anything happens when I go over today. No sneezing yet, just absolutely adorable fluff

[sneezeshame]

woke up yesterday morning feeling a bit run down with a scratchy throat that wouldn’t go away, plus sneezing through the day. stopped and got cold and flu medicine from the store just in case. went to sleep, woke up in the middle of the night, sore throat is worse, nose is more stuffy, all around feeling off. i haven’t had a cold in 2 years and i need to travel starting tonight going nonstop until saturday night, plus 8 hours of work in the morning. might be making good use of that medicine soon...

[sheliesshattered]

Dragon Con 2023 Retrospective

We've been home from Dragon Con for two weeks as of today -- but we've spent most of that time recovering from a particularly nasty Con Crud™. I tested negative for covid, but Jack tested positive and we had the same symptoms, so eh I figure I finally actually caught it, after several rounds of head colds that tested negative.

I always get some level of Con Crud and/or spoonie post-event exhaustion, so I was prepared to feel pretty awful for a week or two at least. The fever and sinus headache was a bit novel this year, but as I'm getting over this infection I'm actually feeling okay-ish. Hopefully my energy will continue to return over the next few weeks (I've got a big day of walking planned for the end of October!) but otherwise I might actually be feeling better now than I have two weeks post Dragon Con (or post Wasteland Weekend) in previous years.

And unlike previous years, I got through the whole con and the trip home without feeling sick at all. A little dehydrated at times (the wait for airport security at ATL was the worst honestly), and my body taking the trouble to remind me how much stretching in the evening helps me, but nothing worse than that.

I've had Dragon Cons in past years when I was too wiped out to even leave the hotel room by Sunday evening, but this year I spent Sunday evening standing around and socializing at the Doctor Who Ball, and didn't hate myself for it later. A combination of being in better physical condition now in general, and pacing myself (and Jack needing to pace too), and staying on top of vitamins and electrolytes and water all really seemed to help.

We got home on the Monday of Labor Day weekend, and then Tuesday morning I was feeling well enough to go grocery shopping on my own and make corn chowder from scratch when I got back. I was tired, but not too bad, honestly. Buuut by that evening I had a sore throat, then by Wednesday morning both Jack and I woke up with a fever. The rest of the week continued more or less like that, with a lot of lying around on the couch and watching movies and tv shows, lol.

Despite feeling like death, we did spend some time talking about what went well at Dragon Con 2023, what we'd want to do again and what we'd want to do differently. I really enjoyed the House of the Dragon photo meetup on Saturday, and wearing my Rhaenyra cosplay in general. I even ended up wishing that I'd carved out time to go to the Game of Thrones/ASOIAF photo meetup in the same costume, just to have more time in that dress and hanging out with that fandom.

There's something that I really enjoy about working hard for months on end to make something screen-accurate from a fandom that is active but also fairly focused. I recognized every costume worn at the HotD meetup, knew which character wore it in which episode, etc. Everyone I talked with at that meetup knew exactly which dress I was wearing, which character I was, and noticed the details I spent so much time working on -- just as I did theirs. There's a wonderful camaraderie and bonding in appreciating each other's hard work to achieve screen accurate reproductions of well-known and visually compelling costumes.

Between that meetup and late night drinking shenanigans while wearing my Rhaenyra cosplay, I really felt like I achieved my peak Dragon Con experience this year while wearing that costume.

By contrast, while I did have fun wearing my Harley Quinn Taylor Swift mashup cosplay, I didn't have nearly as much fun as I did as Rhaenyra. I got some nice compliments from complete strangers who saw the shirt and got the mashup concept, and I had one funny in-character interaction with a Joker cosplayer, but by the evening I was ready to switch back to being Rhaenyra.

The Harley mashup was clever, but not people-stopping-to-take-pictures clever, and honestly there are just a lot of Harleys running around the con. And her canon is a lot more scattered than HotD/GoT canon, and costumes are much more commercially available, so there wasn't nearly the same level of bonding over hand-making the costumes.

The Swifties meetup was fun, and exchanging the beaded friendship bracelets I made was a good experience -- but honestly I had more fun handing out the few Rhaenyra ones I made than I did exchanging the Swiftie ones. I don't regret making the Harley Quinn Taylor Swift mashup, but it did really help clarify my priorities for future Dragon Cons.

So Harley Quinn was fun, but won't be repeated, I don't think. But because I'd worn Rhaenyra's red dress so late into the evening on Friday, I hadn't had a chance to wear my punk!Rhaenyra original concept yet, so on Saturday night when I wanted to switch back to Rhaenyra for awhile, I got to break that one out for late night parties and shenanigans (and also Dairy Queen).

Sunday was lower-key by comparison. Quite a few Doctor Who cosplayers looked right at my Oswin and didn't seem to recognize it, which seems to be par for the course for mainstream Whovians when it comes to Clara's era. That said, just when I was starting to get snarky about that (quietly, only to Jack), a Sixth Doctor cosplayer complimented my Oswin, which made the whole thing feel worth it.

And then when I switched to my MOTOE Clara cosplay for the evening hours, there were a few more people who clearly recognized the costume -- including one woman who gasped and yelled 'Clara!!' at me as we were passing each other in heavy Marriott crowds. I didn't get a chance to do more than gasp in surprise at her excitement, but the cycling of the Marriott crowd being what it is, we eventually passed each other again, and I ran off through the crowd to catch her that time. We chatted for a bit and I gave her the beaded bracelet reading 'Don't Stop Me Now' that I made for exactly that situation, lol. We ended up hanging out at the Doctor Who Ball, but her excitement over the MOTOE cosplay really made my night.

The Doctor Who Ball had a costume contest (that wasn't real well organized, but sounds like it will be a more official thing in future years, because it was such a popular event) that I entered on a lark. The announcement of the winners in particular wasn't well done, I missed it completely because I was talking with people, but I went and asked afterwards and found out that I'd done well and (according to the woman running the contest, who immediately asked to take a picture with me) apparently I only lost the Companion category to a Wilf cosplayer who was spot-on, and tugging on everyone's heartstrings. I don't know how close the vote really was, but her enthusiasm for my cosplay felt like such a gift.

I haven't felt like going to GallifreyOne in recent years, since I've felt so much on the outside of the Doctor Who fandom (between the hate focused on Clara's era and my own dislike of the most recent era), but the Doctor Who Ball was a great time to talk with like-minded Whovians, and to remember why I love this corner of the fandom in general.

I think MOTOE Clara will probably make an appearance at future Dragon Cons, and Oswin met the original purpose of being a comfortable easy-to-wear cosplay for during the day, so in all likelihood that one will come back too (after just a little bit of repair work on the belt).

The red silk Rhaenyra gown held up well, much better than I feared it would. I maaay need to handwash it, but I washed the fabric with shampoo before I sewed it, so theoretically it can be handwashed again, if it really needs it. I need to replace the shoes, but that's already in progress. At this point I'm planning to bring Rhaenyra's Red Dress back to Dragon Con 2024 (and maybe even to something else in between, like Wonder Con?). Quite possibly punk!Rhaenyra too.

I think season 2 of HotD will air before next Dragon Con, or at least start before the end of August. There's every possibility that there will be new costumes from s2 that I'll want to make -- but either way, I know now that I want to lean into cosplay from fandoms like HotD/GoT, and focus less on fandoms like Harley Quinn.

I've already started thinking about and planning cosplays for next year, but this is already way too long, so I'll post an update about that tomorrow...

[alwaysahiccupandastrid]

Health Update 😷

So, for the past nearly-six weeks, I have been very sick. It started on the Tuesday after Easter when I went to work at camp, and I noticed my chest felt weird, and my throat was scratchy like I needed to clear it. I kept on coughing but nothing was happening so I just assumed it was a cold on its way. By a week later, however, I had a full blown dry cough and no other symptoms, which wasn’t ideal because it was the week of my play I was doing; I went to my GP/doctor, they prescribed me a brand new inhaler (I had lost my last one) and spacer to help me space my breathing properly, and a five day course of antibiotics. Somehow I got through the week, did all my performances, and finished the course of antibiotics - which I was relieved about because it was causing me to come out in itchy hives and to feel nauseous.

Then a few days after finishing the medicine, two and a half weeks after my cough had started and while my grandparents were visiting, I suddenly got a blocked nose; I thought it was either hay fever or a cold, though usually when I have a cold, I get a sore throat first. Since then, my nose has constantly been running or blocked, but especially so in the last week - it wasn’t too bad though, it felt manageable and the cough had subsided so I brushed it off and carried on going to work as usual. All of last week and the week before, however, my nose has constantly been on and off like a tap - and my cough started to come back. On Friday, I felt very poorly and like I had a sore throat, but I thought it was a result of post nasal drip or something from my nose being so bad; on Saturday, the sore throat went away after I coughed up some gunk, but that’s when the cough got REALLY severe.

So since Saturday night, the cough is back and maybe even worse than it was before; I’m coughing so hard I’m gagging and worrying I’m going to vomit. I’ve tried using the inhaler and drinking lots of water, but nothing has helped - I’m still hacking away and bringing up the most disgusting shit from my lungs. I don’t like taking days off of work but even I had to concede defeat last night, and this morning I had to tell the headteacher of the school, the teacher whose class I’m in, and my employment agency that I’m too sick to come in. I don’t get sick pay either so… that’s fun.

I went to my doctor this morning and told him I’ve been sick for nearly 6 weeks now, that my cough has gotten worse and that my inhaler is no longer helping, that I was taking antibiotics a few weeks ago but it didn’t seem to work, and I’m super congested so I can’t breathe from my nose or my mouth without green gunk coming up. He took my temperature and said I had a fever, which I wasn’t even aware of, and I apparently have “low sats”. He’s prescribed me a different antibiotic now that I have to take twice on the first day and then once on the other six days, as well as some decongestant tablets and a nasal spray.

The doctor also wants me to do an X-ray, so… currently I’m sitting in a walk in centre and waiting to have an X-ray done. I’ve never had one before, at least not that I can remember, but apparently it’s painless and quick. They’ve just called number 20 and I’m 21, so… yep. Exciting, I guess?

Hopefully once I tell the school/agency that I’ve had to have an X-ray on my chest and that I’m on a bunch of medicine, they’ll understand I’m genuinely sick and not just trying to get out of work… fingers crossed!

Anyway, to sum up my mood right now:

(I’ve used this as a joke so many times but it’s not funny anymore, I’m genuinely extremely unwell and want to cry)

[hag-o-hags]

last weekend I went way too hard, and by Sunday night I was running on completely empty. not even partying hard, just. Ikea and redecorating and blah blah blah blah blah, in our mid-30s we ball.

all this week I've been OUT, batteries dead, zero energy, can't brain for shit, plus Mon/Tues/Wed I have a sore throat, so I'm hitting it with alka-seltzer the first couple days, till it starts to feel better and I'm just drinking SO much tea.

Wednesday the Dizzy starts. By Thursday, I can't sit up without everything spinning, and through Sunday, I have to be flat on my back. Getting up to feed the creachurs is exhausting, disorienting, and generally miserable, let alone feeding myself. Dramamine does nothing. Also, super bonus, my body fucking hurts because I can't move!

Surprise, this is exactly what getting over La Rona felt like, except I don't have La Rona.

Since November I've been sort of operating on yes, this is still LongTallShortFatCovid in the absence of enough data to officially diagnose it, so let's just behave like it's ME/CFS and see what happens. So, supine on the sofa on Sunday, I'm trying to figure out if Gentle Stretches™ are a good or bad idea with post-exertional malaise (the hallmark ME/CFS symptom that I am pretending I know I have for reasons of science). Because, again, I am stiff and sore and I fucking ache.

I know that unfortunately there's a LOT of anecdata and not much hard review around symptom relief, but I also know there's quite a lot of people trying to figure out what works. One person's dribbly candles and magic circles and stuffed crocodile hanging from the ceiling and 13 other chronically ill people chanting the universe's esoteric and black history leads to another person's 4 cc of mouse blood and three small sticks.

I found a blog with a good enough balance of science vs multiple personal experiences that it felt worth digging into -- also Gentle Stretches™ probably not gonna make PEM worse, thank god, sitting yoga ahoy. Some people found NSAIDs or steroids helped them to recover, but the really interesting one to me was a couple very very very small studies about Dextromethorphan Hbr, an OTC cough suppressant.

That tinged a tiny little ding in my foggy jelly brain, and I rooted around like a drunk opossum until I found the alka-seltzer box in the recycling. (Coulda looked this up online. But again, jelly brain.) The cough suppressant is DXM Hbr. And it's got aspirin. I'd been taking a little ibuprofen all week because Ache, so it wasn't necessarily the NSAID. But when I phased out the cough suppressant, that's when the dizzy started.

It's just a correlation, I've got n=1 here. I know that. But I took a standard dose of OTC cough syrup (DXM Hbr and guaifenesin -- no NSAIDs), and in a couple hours I could get up, and walk around the yard and water the plants, despite being kinda dizzy. I started some laundry. I kept taking it just according to the directions yesterday, and today, for the first time in an ENTIRE WEEK, I can think enough to write, I can go upstairs without needing to sit after, and I'm a little lightheaded but I'm not stumbling.

Placebo is a thing of course, but also, Dramamine couldn't touch this, even though it helped last time. Day by day it was getting worse, not better, and I was laying on the couch because I'd finally managed to finish a shower but I couldn't be upright any more afterward.

(All shower euphoria is erased when I gotta sit flopped on the ground towing the faucet hose around my head and trying not to blast my eyeballs out.)

I have an appointment with my doctor on Wednesday. I'm really lucky -- she's been great thus far, and takes me seriously when I say wacky things like I HAVE AN HYPOTHESIS REGARDING THESE SYMPTOMS, CAN WE LOOK INTO THEM. ("Yes and also would you like a referral to get spayed").

That being said, Saturday morning, I cried and cried, feeling like I had to hold onto the sofa to not fall off, because I'm scared and frustrated and angry and grieving. Grief is probably the worst because right now I don't know what I've lost. If I've lost anything. If this is real, if it's going to pass, if I'm panicking ... or if this is my life. Other disabilities have taken things from me -- doors that get closed and then bricked over. This feels like I could get shut in one room forever, like. Yes you, the Stress Powered Engine, who lives for pushing eustress as close to distress as you possibly can for fun and profit! Doing that will now hit you like a semi at highways speeds!

Or, I could recover. I don't have the data to know.

[shadowfromthestarlight]

self-pity party:

i don’t have it in me to celebrate or even be a remotely pleasant person right now. i had a cold starting on december 11th, which never progressed into anything worse but never entirely went away, then i must have caught something on the way to florida on the 23rd, because on christmas day i came down with what felt like a cross between covid and strep throat (maybe it was lol; i didn’t test). eating and drinking became a chore because of my swollen lymph nodes. my whole body hurt. i got a plush toy to remind me of my cat because i wished i could have my cat to cuddle with. the sore throat and aches gave way to a massive sinus infection. on wednesday morning, everything just started coming out. i had to work, but i also had to blow my nose every couple of minutes. falling asleep was hard because it was hard to breathe from the congestion. normal cold & flu medicine didn’t help. by friday night, i’d lost my voice. saturday morning, my eye hurt and there was never-ending green gunk coming out, my voice hadn’t improved, the congestion hadn’t improved, the sinus pressure was barely tolerable.

i spent the last day of 2022 feeling the worst i’d felt all year, unable to speak in anything above a hoarse whisper, a never-ending headache and pain all over my face, my eye clogged with goop, weak and fatigued from days of illness. i spent three hours of the afternoon waiting to get prescribed antibiotics at an urgent care. my head throbbed more and more as the night wore on. i was in so much pain and discomfort and frustration from being sick for three weeks and all-around misery that i wished i was a child so it would be okay to fall on the floor and scream. i watched the fireworks (at least 2 dozen displays) from the balcony and kissed my plush toy and went to bed. 

medicine and sleep marginally improved things; i can now think without a pounding headache and my eye isn’t oozing every minute. i might be able to travel home without people freaking out because i look like i’m patient zero for the next pandemic. i can still barely talk. i woke up coughing from post-nasal drip. i’m so over it. i’m over being asked how i feel, i’m over being told what to do to feel better, i’m over being asked if i’ve taken my medicine, in fact i would like to not be spoken to at all. i just want to go home, pull the covers over my face, and hide in the dark with my cat.

[i don’t even feel happy about the new year; i actually feel nothing much at all. i had never looked forward to 2023 anyway because i didn’t like the number. besides, from a global standpoint, it’s going to suck. we have possibly the greatest concentration of “leaders” who don’t know how to lead in human history. they’re all either weak-willed, stupid, or just plain psychopathic. there will be zero accountability for the people who just from a moral standpoint deserve to be hanged for crimes against humanity over the past three years. they’ll just come up with creative new ways to abuse us. can’t wait to see what the next annual propaganda campaign is!]

i feel awful because i’m a walker and a hiker and a step counter and i’ve barely been able to do anything for days. i haven’t had 10K steps since the 22nd. i’ve had one meal i would consider satisfying in the entire past week. i look scrawny. i have to do a lot in january to make up for it, but right now, instead of excited, i just feel exhausted.  

i think i’m gonna try crying and see if that helps get more... you know... out. 

happy new year same shit, different digits. enjoy it while you can, before WWIII hits. 

i might be back in a few days. idk.

[haretic]

Present Day; 26/06/24 | Present Time; 11:45pm ... but whose counting, anyways?

My Plague Week

I had a prom on Saturday, the second one I've ever went to and the last for this year. I spent near the entire time crying in the bathroom. I'm not sure why it all caught up to me then, I wasn't even particularly overwhelmed, but I just couldn't stop crying. I cried and cried and cried. In the bathroom and at our dinner table. I felt like a terrible date to my friend who I had gone with.

To try and get me out of my skin, I downed a cup of dark roast coffee and went to go dance. It was alright, but I was overwhelmed, and crying, and dizzy. Eventually I left. My dad picked me up an hour early, I had been texting him and my mom all night how stressed I was, and how much I missed them. I felt like an even worse friend, and I cried the whole way home. I cried when I got home, I cried while I went to bed, and I'm sure I cried the next morning.

I felt fine, aside from being sore. Assuming this was just my overworked, tired, achy body, I took it easy all day. Watched Paddington, finished The Big Lebowski with my dad. Towards the evening I started getting a terrible headache. Honestly though, I wouldn't even call it that. It was more of a disorientation? Like every time I moved my head the room would spin and I'd get an achy pressure all across my face and feel faint. My dad wanted to go driving that night to practice my parking despite my protests, him and my mom said it would be good to learn how to drive when I wasn't feeling the best so that I would be able to when I got my license. They were right, so I went anyways. It was mostly okay, but I quickly started feeling worse and worse and worse. Eventually I just asked to go home, and when my dad gave me the OK, I drove us back. I can't quite remember the rest of my evening. I felt like a bad daughter. We hadn't really been hanging out recently, and then I made him pick me up after my dance

The next day I woke up with a scratchy, sore throat. I don't remember much else about the day, but I started feeling worse and worse. My sinuses were insanely clogged, I was having full body shakes, I was feverish, and so so sore. I decided to take a really hot bath to try and beat the fever out, thinking maybe I had just gotten run down and let a small bug get to me. I called my friend I went to prom with to make sure I wouldn't pass out in the hot both, but after a while it just wasn't helping. I was still squirming and sore and uncomfortable, even if the bath helped my joints. I went to bed and had a terrible sleep. I just could not get comfortable no matter what.

The next morning, I was up at 5am. I just could not go down for bed. I finally took a Covid test. The first was invalid, and the next positive. I took some medicine which helped the shakiness and sinus pressure and pain and I finally went to bed. I woke up in a massive puddle of my own sweat, I had started running an insane temperature, but I went back to sleep and slept it off for the most part. After my nap I took a shower, and then went and laid down again. The rest of the day I spent unable to sleep or actively drifting in and out of consciousness for hours, switching between too hot to too cold. I don't remember most of that day. I spent it delirious and sleeping.

I finally slept okay-ish last night, and I woke up today feeling much better. There was little to no sinus pressure, but I could barely hear out of my left ear. I was now coughing, but the fever and aches had subsided for the most part. Despite feeling better I just couldn't pull myself out of bed. I spent almost all of it rotting. Come late evening (say, an hour ago?) I did do some cleaning, putting away a load of washing and doing a general tidy of my room as well as cleaning up all my dirty tissues, but I felt mostly useless all day. I was feeling better but I just didn't have the energy to do anything, so I relapsed. I wasn't even particularly emotional about any sort of situation, I was just bored and it gave me something to do and think about for the next few hours and days. I finished tidying what I wanted of my room and changed my pajama pants and got back into bed. Now I'm thinking of sleeping. I'm tired of today. I want it to be tomorrow so I can feel even more better and actually get something done.

In reference to the relapse, I guess it was a build up of a few weeks. I'd been telling myself for weeks to "just get past prom season, then you can do whatever". It's been on my to-do list for ages. My last prom was Saturday. I think putting away my washing made me go through my list of chores and I eventually subconsciously got to the total accrued cuts I wanted to self inflict. I only did seven, which I suppose is my lucky number, and a star shape, leaving tons to be done in the future to make up for time lost. It didn't even really hurt, and I didn't particularly care, it was just another thing to do to get done the same way cleaning my room was, and I was trying my hardest to procrastinate on cleaning my room while still being at least a little productive. I just feel bored, near constantly. Bored with everything in my life, but at least I had a momentary distraction from how much of a loser I've been the past week.

I've been making loose plans with a guy I kind of have a thing for for when I'm better, but I'm just not sure he's into me. I'm not sure if I'm that into him, I know I've been attracted to him for a while, even used the word 'crush' weeks ago, and we've been talking a while, but I'm worried my feelings are just those of desperation. Or that I'm so bored by being cooped up in my room so much that I'm reading too much into every little text. I hope we do get to hang out soon though, even if he's not into me, he's a really nice dude, and I'd love to get to know him better. He's a mutual friend of me and the friend I went to prom to, so I'm sure if I wanted to learn more about him I could, but I don't want to make my 'feelings' too known before I even know if they're feelings or not. I don't think I'd deserve him, even if he was interested in me. I find myself so boring compared to him. And compared to plenty of people. Everyone around me seems to lead much more interesting lives, and I don't. Their summers all seem so fun so far. All I do is lay in bed and doomscroll. I don't do anything meaningful with my life but relapsing is one thing I can control, and one thing I can do. Getting bad again feels better to me than being 'boring'. Regardless, and as that was incredibly off topic, I've been trying to text him less. I don't want him to think I'm clingy or force him to be around me if he has things he'd rather be doing. We texted a lot while I was super sick and he showed me a lot of support, but I think he was just being a good friend, and I feel like a bad one for making him help me, so I was trying to distance myself just a little. That backfired in my face. I crave conversation with him so often, sometimes I open my phone and click onto our messages, and I desperately want to text him and get him to respond, but I don't want to be annoying. He has a life, and I'm not that big a part in it, and that is okay with me, but I want to take up more space. Hes such a genuinely kind person, and exactly someone I want in my life, romantic or otherwise. Hopefully soon I'll take up more space in his life and him in mine! And hopefully my feelings are genuine. I really pray they are. If I had to trust anyone with my heart, I'd trust him. I just hope he lets me.

Tomorrow will be better, I'm sure, and hopefully I'll feel much healthier. Maybe the day after that I'll be able to leave the house. Heres to hoping my plague week will end before it reaches a week or I might go crazy.

[theboardwalkbody]

Time to play:Is it Taltz causing my immune system to fail or is it Normal?

Two weeks ago I had sinusitis symptoms. Took antibiotics and it helped.

That same weekend I ended up in the hospital with what turned out to be a bladder infection (which I had 0 symptoms of prior to the extreme pain it ended up causing) and, according to the scan at the hospital I also have a cyst of "significant size" on my ovary which between that and the swollen bladder have been working together to cause chaos.

Plus I got a cold sore. My paternal grandmother got them all the time and passed them to my sister and I as babies and sometimes if I've been sick enough they come out. It's had me in a bad place mentally because of my own personal feelings about it.

Still battling some issues with that despite the antibiotics but now I'm not sure if it's infection or just the cyst.

Now last Friday I woke up with a sore throat and mild congestion. Over the weekend both things have been getting worse.

I couldn't sleep At All last night. I tried going to bed around midnight but my throat was so dry and my sinuses hurt I was too uncomfortable and just kept tossing and turning until about 230. At that point I remembered the window was open and thought maybe the dry air coming in was causing it so I shut it. It helped a little. I wanted to drink something but I've been hesitant since the bladder issues are worse at night and it makes me not want to drink anything.

I tried to do some day dreaming hoping it would lead to real dreaming and it did but only for about 40 minutes.

From 315 to 415 I once again struggled with the intense dry throat and pain.

Now from 415 to 6 I couldn't shut my brain up. Intense racing thoughts and anxiety related to work.

I missed work last Monday because of the bladder stuff. I was in so much pain and had added nausea from the antibiotics.

I was supposed to start a new case today, a new patient's first day with our company. I really wanted this case for a few different reasons and I think it would be a really good fit.

But I've been awake all night, I feel run down, I feel hot, my throat is hurting, my sinuses are burning, I feel so tired.

They said it's OK and to feel better when I called (finally made the decision at like 615 because I was supposed to be up and getting ready to leave for 730) but I feel so guilty. I feel like it reflects bad on me and the company and it's day one and I really wanted this case and I hope they don't take me off it for good because of this and idk.

I spent hours beating myself up over it before I called and now I'm still beating myself up over it. Despite knowing I'd be suffering during a full 8hr hands on shift with the night I had and how I feel in general because of whatever is going on.

So I'm kinda miserable all around.

I keep trying to convince myself it's just allergies. Because the pollen and the blooming trees, and the change of weather, etc. But I took allergy meds and they didn't do anything. I took the 24hr pseudoephedrine and still nothing. I think it's either the sinus infection has come back or maybe it's a new one, or possibly tonsillitis because on Saturday I did have some spots on my tonsils (I get tonsil stones though and because of my cold sore I didn't poke around at them to see if it was stones or not) and they are swollen (which for me is normal anymore but they look extra swollen and red now).

So idk.

Part of me wants to be like que cera, cera

But the bigger part of me (where the anxiety and mental health issues live) is going to beat myself up over today.

My Lola knows I'm not feeling great and I'm upset because, despite the fan being on which she doesn't enjoy, she jumped down from her loop/perch and is laying on the bed with me (she did use the opportunity to scratch the curtain, though). She's going to snuggle with me and then get zoomies. It is prime for zoomies.

[jessicamdawn]

I posted 2,734 times in 2022

That's 2,601 more posts than 2021!

35 posts created (1%)

2,699 posts reblogged (99%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@seekingidlewild

@itwasyummy

@kaylizle

@sherokutakari

@kashidoodles

I tagged 1,343 of my posts in 2022

#thai drama - 619 posts

#not me the series - 288 posts

#kinnporsche - 181 posts

#kdrama - 159 posts

#jdrama - 109 posts

#bad buddy - 73 posts

#extraordinary attorney woo - 72 posts

#not me white - 56 posts

#not me yok - 53 posts

#not me sean - 51 posts

Longest Tag: 91 characters

#the bravest thing in the world is being able to tell someone you’re sad or lonely or scared

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

Just passed the 20k mark in this Clone!White Not Me AU fic

Feels like a milestone

Officially a Long Fic

6 notes - Posted April 21, 2022

#4

Wednesday, I had a slight sore throat that persisted throughout the day. Since I had other symptoms of dehydration, we figured it was that and I drank A LOT of water and by the time I went to sleep, it didn’t hurt.

Thursday, my throat hurts worse and only sucking on medicated cough drops helps (which also NUMBED MY TONGUE, I thought I’d lost my sense of taste, y’all. I freaked out.) I had a slight cough and slight headache.

Friday, my sore throat was gone, poof. But! lots of sinus drainage, leading to more coughing, And a slight headache that got worse over the day (ended up taking a migraine pill cause it got so bad. was probably a major tension headache from the stress of being ill in some way.)

Saturday, my throat feels fine until suddenly I HACK. It’s like when your body overreacts to an allergen, where even the smallest thing makes you sneezy or itchy or w/e. The smallest thing tickles my throat and I start coughing (that ‘smallest thing’ being so much nasal drainage, or, you know, bread.)

I was coughing so much I started timing it and realized that, if I’m distracted, I can go 5-6 minutes between coughs, but if there’s no distraction, I cough every 40-50 seconds. So some part of it is psychosomatic. The cough is also worse when lying down.

Now it’s 11 PM and I’m congested enough I need to stack pillows to sleep. While I don’t think it’s COVID (my mom was sick first and tested herself and it came back negative), I’ve still been wearing a mask around any other people and sequestering myself when possible.

Please send well wishes and good prayers my way.

7 notes - Posted July 16, 2022

#3

Chapters: 3/12 Fandom: เขา...ไม่ใช่ผม | Not Me (TV 2021) Rating: Teen And Up Audiences Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: Sean/White, Dan/Yok, Black/Gram, Eugene/Namo, Gram & Gumpa & Sean & White & Yok Additional Tags: Alternate Universe - Clones, Clone!White, White is not Black's twin but his clone, becoming a person, Self-Reflection, Vigilantism, Illegal Activities, disability rights, Rule of Law, Mental Link, Physical Link, Falling In Love, SeanWhite's real ship name should be TrustFall Chapter Summary:

White takes part in his first acts of vigilantism with the gang, working for disability rights. In the aftermath, he experiences a violent episode that leaves him gasping and certain he has just drowned on dry land. Concerned, Gumpa insists White stay with him at the garage. Now roommates with Sean, White begins to see a new side of his hotheaded teammate.

11 notes - Posted May 13, 2022

#2

Things My Sister Said While I Showed Her “Not Me” Episodes 7-9:

- Todd is sus. Todd is sus when he breathes.

- Sus hair. Sus smile.

- All I hear is -flirt- Officer- we're so wrong for each other. but so right. -passion- flirt-

- I don’t know if I even know what happened in the scene. I think I was having a stroke. It was beautiful.

- Sean is like 'fuck. omg. breathe.’ touching. more touching. went from the knee to the arm. face. this is what friends do. ear. how is sean not freaking out?

- Hey, Google. Call Sus Todd

- Todd’s soy milk is sus

- stfu. I’m dying. I’m screaming. kiss him. fuck. KISS HIM. YES!

- I feel like one of those posts that's like "Yeah, sex is great, but have you ever seen two ex-enemies doing a trust fall and kissing on a rooftop before?"

- Todd is at fault until I say otherwise. Guilty until proven innocent.

- I'm expecting Black to come back and everyone is like "ew. Where's the other guy?"

- (Black slapped White) 😶 Kill him.

11 notes - Posted May 3, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

Given that both White and Sean do a trust fall to prove their deep trust in the other, and that Sean uses a trust fall to prove that Black is not his Black, I suggest that their ship name is not “SeanWhite” or “WhiteSean,” but “TrustFall.”

15 notes - Posted April 7, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[metbul]

Covid-19 (02.12-09.12)

Last week was pretty stressful both at school and at home. Besides starting preparing for final exam next year, I'm also doing Edx and German online course. The first week of school was total full of squeezing my brain out, including weekend. The second week was also the same, plus there are two Indo boys just arrived not long ago...I think a month ago. We have same school block. At first I was being nice and trying to be helpful as they live in outskirt Rostock, the train departs only every two hours and I understand how that feels. I don't even understand why our company chose that housing for them.

Not only they have not German number yet, but also no German bank account. Well, they think I might can help them out and start asking some questions related to apartments, school, adjustment, etc.

One of them speaks like a broken stereo. One day he greeted me from the door of my class with high pitch voice in Indonesian. I was shocked und uncomfortable, moreover there are other students in the class. That was the beginning of me showing withdrawn behavior, though I try to be nice and polite. The other boy is still very young, 20ish and complaints pretty much which I understand totally. Later on ke kept chatting me on Whatsapp asking this and that non stop, asking to come by cause he still has many questions. At that time my mind was already full with tests and online course deadlines.

Well...in the end I couldn't hold it anymore and asked Novita to take a night walk. On the following day I started feeling unwell, so I took medicine after having breakfast and felt super sleepy during classes. Soaking myself in the bathtub didn't even help me much, I got out before the dizziness became stronger. In the evening my condition was worse. Headache, fever, sore throat, cough, shivering. I fell asleep at 6 PM and woke up at 4 AM on Friday. At that moment I was wondering if I could make it to the doctor and thank God I did it.

I didn't think much if it was Covid, my doctor recommended to do Antigen test at home and I wasn't even convinced to do that. On Saturday I decided to do Antigen test after Han Han suggested me to do so. Turn out yeaaaaa. I was pretty pissed. All of these 2,5 years I've been trying to be cautious because of my job and now out of the blue during school week I caught Covid-19. Yoooo.

The next few days were pretty awful and exhausting. There were no nights I didn't drink much and going back and forth to toilet and coughing. On Monday I contacted my Hausartz and the nurse sounded confused of what to do. Said she'd call me back in an hour and no call back. I called them back and no answer. 30 minutes later when I decided to go to other clinic which is 30 minutes away and more far, she finally called me and still sounded confused, and suddenly hanged up. I called back again and no answer. Sigh.

When I almost reached the second clinic, the nurse called me again and informed that I could come over and do PCR test. I couldn't complain more and said great. There was no point being mad at her because it's Covid and it's for other people safety, though I was disappointed at first because my two friends shared their experiences and their docs were being helpful. Don't tell me to go see their docs because that's not how German healthcare system works.

Finally the doctor did PCR test on me and I extended my sick certificate. I informed my classmates and they were being nice, my bosses are also being nice and understanding, my colleagues are being helpful, too.

I cannot forget how awful it was exactly a week ago. To be honest I was hesitant to tell my parents but nonetheless they are my family so they must know. I'm glad I was able to go through this shit alone and not losing the smell and taste. Today my Antigen test states negative. Yay!!

[luveline]

Fluff with siruis and shy reader and a fear of being sick? :)

thank u for ur request hope this is ok <3

Sirius has no clue what's wrong with you but it has to be something. You're always quiet but today's been an impasse of solitude; you've barely spoken a word to him and a small crease has haunted the skin between your eyebrows for hours. 

"Dolly," he murmurs quietly, finally breaking under the weight of it. "Is everything okay?" 

He's lying beside you in bed, though you're sitting, back ramrod straight. It's barely evening, a quiet Saturday with you doing nothing stolen away by whatever it is that's worrying you. 

"Yeah," you say, swallowing. You've been swallowing a lot. 

"Don't have a sore throat, do you?" 

He seems to have broken a similar dam in you, your face screwing up in pain like you're about to cry at his questioning. Too much water in your levy, he decides, sitting up fast. 

"Hey, what's wrong with you?" he asks. 

You hide your eyes, the backs of your hands pressed to your face as you hunch over your lap. 

"Doll, I'm not messing around. Tell me." 

"I'm gonna be sick," you say. 

Sirius manhandles you as kindly as he can into the bathroom, hands under your armpits and lifting. You make a strange sound, a fearful hiccup that he hates immediately as you brace yourself over the bowl. 

Still with the swallowing. He can see your throat bobbing. 

"Let it out," he encourages, hand on your back, bending over you protectively. 

"I can't," you whisper. 

Your hands drift down to your torso, rubbing at the soft swell of your tummy dispassionately. Your eyes close and your start to take in big breaths through your nose. 

"I got you," he says. 

"I can't be sick," you say, sounding sad. Abrupt, a tear squeezes past the gate of your closed lashes and dips down your cheek. "I can't." 

He's a little bit confused and a lot worried, rubbing circles into your back in what he hopes is a soothing fashion. 

"Was it something you ate? How long have you felt ill? Since this morning, huh?" he asks expectantly. He doesn’t wait for answers, your expressions enough. "Why didn't you tell me?" 

"I didn't think I- would be sick." Your words are jumpy and rough. You drag your hand across your cheeks to wipe away quickly multiplying tears. 

Sirius is inept sometimes, he knows, and so he tries extra hard to be soft with you. "It's only sick. Don't worry about it." 

"I hate being sick," you admit. "I'm scared of it." 

The smallness of your voice hurts but at least now he knows why you've been so quiet and cagey today. Why you're so wound up. If you cry anymore he's gonna drive you to A&E, he swears.

"Oh, dolly," he murmurs. "It's okay. I'm here with you, you know? You really don't need to keep these things from me." 

But you do. Whatever your reasons, you've always found it hard to share things with him. You're shy about the small intimacies of everything in life, your feelings and your worries and your agitations. Sirius just wants you to know that he wants to know them, everything, including this. 

“How sick do you feel? Are you definitely going to throw up, or is it nausea?”

“I don’t know,” you confess meekly. 

“How about a cwtch while we wait to find out?”

“What if I’m sick on you?”

“I’ll get changed.”

Sirius sits heavily on the floor beside you with his back to the toilet bowl and opens his arms, waiting for the hesitant breach of your hands on his skin. You take hold of the bottom of his waist gently and he pulls you in, your damp face hooked over his shoulder. He tries not to touch your stomach at first, though he changes his mind when your breathing has another hitch, elbow bent towards his body so he can fit between your touching chests and massage your abdomen. 

“Cramping?” he asks. 

“Yeah.”

He leans the side of his head against yours. “Is this making it better or worse?”

“I don’t know. I don’t know if I… if I made it worse by worrying about it,” you whisper. 

“Maybe you did. You know what I’ll say, doll, a-“

“Worry shared is a worry halved.”

“Exactly,” he praises, hand pausing over the bump of your stomach as he pulls away to see your sad, pretty face. “You have to tell me things. Please. For my sake.”

“Sorry,” you say. “S’just scary.”

“You’ve sat on the back of my bike but you’re scared of being sick,” he teases. 

“That’s different,” you argue, a spark of passion that he’s overjoyed to hear, “I trust you to keep us safe. Nothing you do can stop me from throwing up.”

He starts rubbing your tummy again. “You sound so sure.”

“Sirius…”

“What?” he asks, letting a little theatrical confusion drip into his voice. 

You laugh under your breath, shaking your head gently at his absurdity. You don’t offer up what you’re thinking. Sirius is used to having to ask you about your feelings and normally he would, only he’s pretty sure he can guess — you’re feeling better. Relaxing under his hands. 

Your fingers curl around the hem of his shirt, knuckles brushing against the naked skin of his back, your head falling slowly downward until your forehead is pressed to his chest. “I love you,” you murmur. 

Funny, he was just thinking the same thing. 

[gnwzero]

| 𝘦𝘯𝘩𝘺𝘱𝘦𝘯 𝘮𝘢𝘬𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘤𝘳𝘺 ~

𝐩𝐚𝐢𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐠: 𝘦𝘯𝘩𝘺𝘱𝘦𝘯 𝘩𝘦𝘦𝘴𝘦𝘶𝘯𝘨!𝘫𝘢𝘺!𝙭 𝙧𝙚𝙖𝙙𝙚𝙧!𝘧𝘦𝘮𝘢𝘭𝘦!

𝐰𝐜: 1,041

𝐚/𝐧: 𝘩𝘪! 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘪𝘴 𝘮𝘺 𝘧𝘪𝘳𝘴𝘵 𝘦𝘯𝘩𝘺𝘱𝘦𝘯 𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘤𝘵𝘪𝘰𝘯, 𝘩𝘰𝘱𝘦 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘭𝘪𝘬𝘦 <3

𝐥𝐞𝐞 𝐡𝐞𝐞𝐬𝐞𝐮𝐧𝐠 :

he had just gotten to his dorm from a long day at the studio, his voice was halfway gone, throat sore, mentally drained and just ready for some alone time. well his members had been at the dorm all day and didn’t know about heeseung’s long day at work, so when you asked jay if you should surprise hee, he of course said yes!

you were in the living room with niki playing video games when hee walked in and niki smiled up at him a little and said “you have a surprise!” motioning at you, causing you to smile and look up at heeseung. you expected him to be happy,, but he wasn’t. he kinda even looked.. annoyed?

“what are you doing here?” he said in an annoyed tone and it shocked you a little. “i came so we could hangout and maybe go get dinner or somethin-“ “i can’t always give you time. i’m busy and sometimes just want time to myself y/n. you have to learn about personal space because i don’t know how much more i can take, just go home.” he said walking to his room and slamming the door shut.

your eyes filled with tears as the words he had said replayed in your mind. niki looked over at you completely lost “i don’t think he’s thinking. you don’t need to go home, he’s just in a bad mood, i’m sure he didn’t mean it.” he said trying to reassure you, but it didn’t work. you just shook your head and left, tears streaming down your face, and went back to your dorm with your members as they tried to comfort you the best that they could.

the next day after you had cried yourself to sleep, you woke up to your phone going off to a THOUSAND texts messages. you looked down and saw “hee 💕” ‘s contant popping up on your screen over and over again.

all the texts looked something like “baby i’m so sorry” “i didn’t mean anything” “please forgive me i wasn’t in my head” “i’m so freaking sorry” “i’m coming over with boba please forgive me”

of course you were still hurt, but when he got there with your drink and smothered you in kisses and hugs and apologies, you forgave him. heeseung has a hard schedule and you knew that, but it didn’t give him a right to be a jerk to you, so you let him know that and he agreed and apologized millions of more times until you were literally like “😐 okay please stop talking 😐” because of how many times he had said the word sorry in the past hour JDJSNS~

all in all, the boy would never purposely hurt you in any way and y’all had a great day together watching movies, snuggling, and drinking boba :)).

𝐣𝐚𝐲 𝐩𝐚𝐫𝐤 :

you and jay have both been planning on hanging out this saturday because it’s an off-day for you both, and you were so excited so excited for it all the week long.. and it was FINALLY saturday >:D time to see your amazing boyfriend who you missed so so much !!

you woke up and started getting ready to meet him at his dorm when you phone dinged and you looked down at it. it was from your leader and it said “early morning practices was moved from monday morning to this morning until noon, see y’all there.”

your heart automatically dropped. you would still be able to see him, but not until later, and you were so sad. you texted him “hey, apparently practice got moved to this morning,, i’m sorry i’m gonna have to come over a little later :/“ and his response was kinda.. strange?

“ok” was all he said,, you didn’t know if he was annoyed or that was just his genuine response.. but jay usually isn’t one to just say “ok” and go about his day.. you could tell he was upset, but you didn’t wanna make it worse so you just went to practice.

at noon after practice, you drove to his dorm and walked in and went to his room and sat your keys down on his shelf, making him look up from his phone.

“hi baby-“ you said going over to him to peck his lips and he gave you a very straight face look like “:|”.

“why do you lie? you could’ve just told me you were with eric, you lying and skipping our day we’re supposed to be with each other is upsetting, do you understand that?” he spoke as your brows furrowed.

eric was one of your best friends, (eric sohn from the boys :)) and you loved hanging out with him, but you would never cancel on your time with jay to be with eric, and jay knew that !! you thought..

“i wasn’t with eric..? i was at practice, i wasn’t lying to you i don’t lie to you.” you said confused sitting next to him on his bed.

“y/n i know you were, look.” he said showing you a dispatch taken photo of you and eric that was uploaded today.. but it wasn’t taken today. it was taken weeks ago,, eric’s hair wasn’t even that color anymore !!

“that was from a few weeks ago-“ “STOP LYING” he raised his voice at you cutting off your words which caused your eyes to fill with tears. he wasn’t listening to you and he raised his voice out of anger.. you felt bad, but you weren’t lying.

tears started streaming down your cheeks as you pulled up eric’s newest instagram post on your phone and holding it out for jay to see. “his hair isn’t even that color anymore.” you said sniffling and jay widened his eyes a little looking at the picture.

he automatically started feeling OH so bad for raising his voice and not believing you.. now that he’s thinking straight, he knows you’ve never given him a reason not to believe you.

he apologized over and over again hugging you and kissing your tears away.

“i’m sorry, i should’ve believed you.”

you ofc forgave him, and y’all spent the rest of the day hanging out on your day off >:D !!

[helliontherapscallion]

(Y/n) and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Week: Tuesday

Monday     Wednesday     Thursday (Part 1)     Thursday (Part 2)     Friday     Saturday     Sunday

Spotify Playlist (collaborative)

Warnings: anxiety, doctor’s offices, taking pain pills (not sure if I need to tag that, but just in case), stalkers, blackmail, swearing, non-consensual taking pics of nudes, slight body dysmorphia, self-loathing, toxic friends

Word count: 5,326

(A/N): another long chapter, my little wlw heart loved writing this chapter! Also holy shit I was not expecting the first part to blow up, thank you to everyone that read it! Gosh, it’s enough to make a grown woman cry :’)

You cracked open your crusty eyes to Wilbur poking his head into your room. “(Y/n), Dad wants you.”

You groaned rubbing at your eyes in an attempt to get the sleep out of them. “I’ll be down in a sec.” Your voice was scratchy and thick with sleep.

He closed the door silently and you heard his socked feet thumping down the hallway. Your pain faded slightly into soreness, but your shoulders and upper back were slightly stiff. After you drug yourself out of bed, you shambled down the stairs to see your family at the table eating breakfast. Your stomach growled loudly, making you blush slightly in embarrassment. 

Your eldest brother snorted. “Hungry (y/n)?”

You slumped into your seat next to him slowly shoveling food into your mouth. “You have no idea.”

“You wouldn’t be that hungry if you ate dinner when you got home like I told you to do last night, young lady. You better eat every single thing on that plate.”

There was no arguing with a stern Dadza, so you reluctantly complied. Meanwhile, Tommy and Tubbo were telling Wilbur about your match animatedly. 

“And the ball was like fwoosh and she- the ball and-and-”

“And she hit it and Haley hit it to the other side! It was so cool!”

Wilbur merely smiled listening to them ramble about how badass you were last night. They made you feel genuinely happy that they admired your volleyball abilities; they were probably your biggest fans and that made your day most of the time. You remembered the first match they came to during your freshman year, they had run up to you right after the end-of-match whistle blew to spew about how good you were on the court. They met the team that day. Your team adored having them at your games, over the years they slowly replaced your school’s mascot. They played a huge part in morale boosts before and during matches. 

He looked over to you, “I didn’t know my little sister could be so badass.”

You felt your cheeks flare up. “It’s nothing I haven’t done before. It really wasn’t anything special.”

“(Y/n),” Philza pursed his lips, “you did all that with a bruised back, I’d consider that something special.”

“Wait (y/n), you’re hurt?” Tommy and Tubbo looked at you with wide concerned eyes.

“Yeah, but it’s not that bad. I can still move and stuff.”

Techno rolled his eyes, “it’s bad if you’re going to the doctor for it.”

“Eh, it doesn’t hurt as bad as it did yesterday, so I’m not worried.” 

“You’re deadass wincing everytime you move your arm,” WIlbur deadpanned, “it clearly still hurts.”

“Well yeah, I didn’t say the pain went away completely. Fuckin’ dumbass.”

“Language,” Philza glared at you two, gesturing to the two fifth graders watching the exchange with interest. 

You and Wilbur resumed eating and murmured out a defeated “sorry Dad.” You both glared at Techno when he huffed in amusement. 

“If you three keep bickering, you’re going to be late to school. Remember, you two have to drop off Tommy and Tubbo today cuz I’m taking your sister to her appointment. Now go get ready, I’ll take care of your dishes.”

Your brothers took off up the stairs, each competing to get to the bathroom first. Occasionally, you would hear shouts and slapping noises. You felt glad you didn’t have to deal with that today. Judging by Techno’s gruff voice laughing and an explosion of loud complaints from the rest, you assumed that he won today. “I swear, they’re gonna put me in an early grave.”

“You and me both Dad, you and me both.”

You went into the kitchen and pulled out a bottle of pain pills from the junk drawer. Various bottles of Motrin and Advil were scattered around the house because when you live with a rambunctious family like this one, people are bound to get hurt and headaches are common. Popping three into your mouth, you washed it down with a glass of water. The sound of the running water faucet and the slight splashing of water filled the silence of the room. 

“How’s your back? Does it feel any better?”

“Kinda, today it just feels more sore than throbbing, my headache went away mostly, and my shoulder doesn’t feel any worse, so that’s better I guess.”

He shut off the water and reached for a towel to dry off his wet hands. He moved over to the freezer and grabbed a frozen package of peas that your family never ate. You all used it whenever one of you would get a bruise. He moved behind you and held it against your back without warning. Flinching forward from the unexpected temperature change, you winced with the wave of pain moving brought you. 

“Shit, sorry.”

“You’re good. Just give me a little warning next time,” you chuckled. He gently placed it back on your back and you sighed from the slight relief that it brought you. You leaned into the peas and closed your eyes. “That feels amazing.”

“I bet. That bruise was pretty bad yesterday, can I look at it again?”

You reluctantly left the sanctuary that was the medical grade frozen peas and leaned forward, moving your hair out of the way for him. “Knock yourself out.”

He made a hissing noise as soon as he moved your shirt out of the way. “Dad, it probably looks worse than it feels.”

“...Have you seriously not looked at this yet? It looks pretty bad, hun.”

“Well, sorry I can’t move to look at my back without being in pain. I’ll try harder next time.” You snarked him.

“Hey, watch the attitude. Here, I’ll take a picture so you can see how bad it is.”

You heard the rustling of fabric as he fished his phone out of his pocket and the obnoxiously loud click of his camera app. You turned around to look at the damage. You squinted at his bright phone screen. Your entire back was swollen in some areas and was covered in ugly reds, blues, blacks, and purples. You made a disgusted noise in the back of your throat and cringed away from the screen. You always got nauseous seeing injuries.

“Yikes.”

“Yikes isn’t the only word I would use, it’s bad (y/n).”

“It looks worse than it feels, I promise. I’m gonna go get ready so we’re not late to my appointment. It sounds like the boys are finally done with the bathroom.”

You hobbled up the stairs slowly and made your way to the bathroom. The door was wide open ready for you to use. Turning on the light, you closed the door in a hurry so that your brothers wouldn’t try to get in again to hog the bathroom like they usually did. You frowned at your appearance. Your hair was sticking up in every direction and you had dark eye bags around your dull looking eyes. A few pimples dotted your skin like constellations in the night sky, but much uglier and more out of place. Turning your body, you scanned your figure. Your eyes watered as you realized that you had gained some weight. Adrian, Sammy, and Annie were right, you looked like garbage all the time.

You ripped your eyes away from yourself in the mirror with disgust etched deep into your features. You were disgusting through and through. Ripping your brush through your hair, you winced at the pain emanating from the back of your head. You deserve the pain for letting yourself go. Once you were slightly more satisfied with your appearance, you stepped out of the bathroom and quickly changed into the clothes you would wear today. You decided on a hoodie and a pair of tights. You didn’t feel like dressing yourself up. 

You once again walked down the stairs and slipped on your shoes to meet your dad in his car. You idly scrolled through your phone while you waited for him, looking at your notifications for the first time that day. You had ten texts from the group chat that you were in with Adrian, Annie, and Sammy.

Sammy <3

(Y/n) where the hell are you?

Adrian <3

Do you guys think she ditched us?

I knew she was ignoring us

Sammy <3

Who ignores their friends?

Annie <3

(Y/n) apparently. 

She has more important things to do ig

Oh my god

Do you guys think she skipped school?

Adrian <3

I wouldn’t put it past her

Maybe she finally gave up

(Y/n)

I’m sorry guys, I just have a doctor’s appointment today

I would never ignore you

Sammy <3

Yk, it’s hard to keep defending you when you keep ditching us..

(Y/n)

I’m not ditching you!

I’m sorry I didn’t tell you guys about my appointment

I’ll make it up to you guys

Adrian <3

How?

You’ve already skipped out on us enough already

Annie <3

Oh ik!

She can write our final research paper for us Dri!

I haven’t started it yet lmao

Adrian <3

Saaaame lmaoooo

Sammy <3

Guys, what about me???

Adrian <3

Idk, figure it out yourself

Sammy <3

Rude!

Uhhh

Ur gonna put together my final presentation for us history

(Y/n)

Alright, I can do that for you guys

Sam can you pls send me the rubric? 

Annie <3

Thanks love ;)

(Y/n)

No problem, I like doing things for friends

My dad’s coming, I gotta go

Talk to you guys later

Adrian <3

Byeeee (y/n), ur the best!

(Y/n)

: ) <3

You put your phone down as your dad started up the car and pulled out of the driveway. The drive was quiet as you stared out the window and thought about how much work you now had to do. On top of your own classes, you had two more to write and a presentation to make in a class you hadn’t taken since the first semester in your sophomore year. The research papers had to be at least four full pages long with a minimum of ten sources each due on Friday and you had no idea how big Sammy’s US history presentation has to be or what it’s even about. But that was fine, you’d do anything for your friends. 

“So, who were you texting? Your boyfriend?” He asked jokingly.

“Oh, just Adrian, Sammy, and Annie. I don’t have a boyfriend Dad,” because you were a closeted lesbian, but you wouldn’t tell him that anytime soon. “You know that.”

“I know,” he chuckled, “it’s been a while since I’ve seen them. How have they been?”

“They’re good. Adrian got a job at the diner, he’s a host. Sammy and Annie have been focusing more on raising their grades.”

“Good for them! You should invite them over for dinner sometime.”

“I was actually thinking that I could maybe go hang out with them on Halloween...?”

“(Y/n), the family was going to take Tommy and Tubbo trick-or-treating.”

“I know, but there’s always next year. Plus, we haven’t been able to hang out in so long! We’re always free at different times.”

“I don’t know (y/n), what if they don’t want to trick-or-treat next year? What were you planning on doing with them?”

“We were just gonna hang out at Annie’s house and watch some horror movies,” you lied. He would never let you go if he knew you were going to a party. Especially one where alcohol would be involved and hormonal teenage boys ran rampant actively scouting for an easy lay.

“...I’ll think about it.” The car pulled into the doctor office’s parking lot.

“Thank you Dad! It’s been a while since we’ve all hung out together.”

He chuckled as you both walked into the lobby, checked in, and waited for your name to be called. About ten minutes later, you were summoned by a nurse so you went into the back leaving your dad to wait in the lobby. The nurse recorded your height and weight (much to your dismay, you gained four pounds) and asked you the standard questions about your injury and uncomfortable questions about your overall health. The clacking of her acrylic nails on the plastic keyboard filled the awkward silence.

Once that was done, she left and you had to wait a little bit for the doctor. After slipping into the backless gown the nurse left, you mindlessly scrolled on your phone. Jumping when someone knocked on the door, you looked up to see your family’s doctor smiling at you.

“Hello (y/n), how are we feeling today?”

“I’m alright.”

“I hear that you had quite the fall onto some concrete, is that true?”

“Yes, I landed on my back and the back of my head.”

She reached over and squirted hand sanitizer onto her hands, rubbing it in and looking back at you. “Can you please lay on your stomach so I can take a look at your back?”

You nodded, shifting on the uncomfortable paper covered cushioned table onto your stomach. You felt her cold hands gently graze your bruises before she pulled out her stethoscope. “Can you take a good deep breath in for me?”

You complied and she instructed you to let it out. Doing this multiple times along your back, she put her stethoscope away and continued prodding at your exposed back. 

“There’s definitely some swelling in multiple areas… It doesn’t feel or sound like you cracked or broke any ribs, which is excellent… Do you have any pain deep in your shoulder when you move it?”

“Yes, I landed on it wrong last night at my volleyball match.”

“How would you describe your pain? Stabbing, sore, throbbing…”

“More sore, but a little stabbing pain when I move my arm.”

She moved her fingers to examine your shoulder. “It doesn’t sound like a sprain or fracture, can you move it up and down for me?”

You moved your arm up and down, front and back, and side to side. “You still have a full range of movement, that’s good. Can I have you sit back up again?”

You sat back up and she started testing you for a concussion. After passing her tests, you were cleared of having a concussion. “Alright (y/n), it appears that you only strained your deltoid and teres muscles and you have severe bruising along your back. Make sure you ice your back and, if you have one, wear a shoulder compression sleeve. Anti-inflammatory medications such as Ibuprofen will help with the swelling. Other than that, you have a clean bill of health! You can still participate in volleyball practices, but you need to take it easy. Don’t do anything that will strain the muscles any further.”

“Thank you Dr. Samson,” you smiled at her. 

“You’re welcome. I’ll leave you to change back into your clothes and you’re free to go! You may leave the gown on the table.”

She left the room and you redressed yourself. Walking out to the lobby, Philza’s head perked up when he heard the door opening. He stood up and walked over to you with a slightly worried face. You both walked back out to the car.

“So?”

“Dr. Samson said that I don’t have a concussion, sprains or broken bones. She told me that I just strained my shoulder muscles and I need to keep ice on my back.”

He visibly slumped in relief. “Thank god. What’d she say about volleyball?”

“She said that I could keep playing, but I have to take it easy.”

“Good, wouldn’t want you missing finals on Thursday. Do you know if the team you’re playing is any good?”

“Dad, of course they’re good, we’re the top two teams in the area.”

“I bet their setter is nowhere near as good as you are and I bet the setter and spiker aren’t as synced as you and Haley are. You two make a good pair.” 

“Yeah we do, don’t we?” You looked out the window and smiled a little and felt your ears turn red. The very mention of Haley’s name was enough to make you feel like you were on cloud nine. The car fell silent again as you neared your high school. 

In your AP world history class, the class was looking at the test you had taken yesterday. Surprisingly, you got a 74% on the multiple choice part and a 50% on your essay portion, so that landed you with a just below passing grade. You thought you completely flunked that test yesterday, so that was a pleasant surprise. It took a good portion out of your overall grade in the class, lowering it from a comfortable A- to a slightly alarming B. You supposed it could’ve been a lot worse. Besides reviewing your tests, the class didn’t do much except starting the reading for the next chapter.

Your psychology online class went like it usually did, however your phone blew up with texts about midway through the block. Glancing down, you saw that it was Haley. Shouldn’t she be in class?

Hales : )

(Y/n) meet me in the locker room right after school

I need to talk to you before practice starts

It’s an emergency

(Y/n)

What’s going on?

Hales : )

I’ll explain after school.

Can’t talk about it over text

(Y/n)

Alright, see ya then ig

You felt your gut twinge. Something’s wrong, but you didn’t know what. You were worried about Haley, usually she was really bubbly. You’ve never seen the senior act so strange before. You could only wait the block out until the bell would release you from the confines of the library and into the locker room. After sending a quick text to your brothers that you were going to stay after school for your practice, you stared blankly at your laptop’s clock as you counted down the minutes left in the class period. Ten minutes. Eight minutes. Four minutes. Two minutes. Thirty seconds-

You shot up from your seat as the bell rang. Pushing past some groups of freshmen that congregated in the hallways, you made a beeline for the locker room. In the locker room, you found Haley sitting on the metal bench on the opposite end of the locker room with her back facing the last row of lockers and facing the brick wall. She was clenching her phone in her hand with an iron grip. You hurried to sit next to her.

“Hales, what’s going on? Talk to me.”

“It’s bad (y/n). Like, really bad.”

“What’s bad? You’re worrying me.”

Wordlessly, she unlocked her phone and handed it to you. On the screen was something that you weren’t expecting to see. You scrolled through the contents and felt your stomach drop with each scroll; someone took pictures of you and Haley throughout the match last night. Every picture was a violation to yours and Haley’s dignities, they had gotten zoomed in pictures of your boobs and asses. Deeper, there were even pictures taken of you changing into your volleyball uniform through your open window. You were only in your underwear. Haley had a similar picture that you scrolled past as fast as you could. Scrolling to the bottom of the text message thread, the person that sent Haley the pictures added a caption to the last picture. It was a picture of you and Haley together celebrating your match, her arm slung around your shoulder with your mouth open mid-laugh.

Unknown

I’m sending these out to the entire school unless you stop hanging around her.

If you tell anyone, the pics will be printed off and put in every single locker and bathroom the school has.

You’ll be the sluts of Klinkver High. 

Cut all ties now. You have two days. 

Do not try me.

“Jesus christ Haley. Who the fuck would do this? This is sick.”

She took her phone back and locked it without looking at the screen. “I don’t know (y/n). I wanted to tell you not to openly talk to me for a few days. We don’t know who took these, we don’t know what they’re capable of. I don’t wanna risk angering them.”

“We can find them! If we look close enough, we might find a few clues where they were sitting. Do you remember seeing anything suspicious last night?”

“(Y/n), our best option is to leave it. We just can’t talk in person anymore; we can still text each other.”

“Hales, how are we gonna not talk? I’m your setter.”

She ran a hand through her thick black hair. “I don’t know (y/n). Just-just don’t talk to me anymore, I don’t want your pictures leaked.”

“I don’t care about my pictures. My name’s been drug through so much shit this past year that it won’t affect me. I don’t want your stuff leaked.”

She gave a watery laugh, “you care too much, I love that about you…” Glistening eyes turned to look deep into your own. “I’m so scared (y/n), I don’t know what to do.”

You pulled her into a hug, wincing slightly when she squeezed her arms around your upper back. She buried her face into your shoulder and started shaking with muffled sobs. “Haley, I promise I’ll catch whatever sick bastard is doing this to you. You don’t deserve this.”

She said nothing as you rested your chin on the top of her head and started to rock her back and forth slowly. You two stayed like that even after her sobbing resided, finding comfort in each other’s presence. Glancing at the clock, you realized that you two have been in the locker room for an hour. Practice was set to start in fifteen minutes, people were going to start coming into the locker room soon. 

You reluctantly pulled away from the hug and looked Haley in her bloodshot eyes, “I’m not going to let those pictures of you get leaked. I swear on my-”

The door to the locker room swung open and loud laughter echoed throughout the room. Haley pushed you away and speed walked off to a bathroom stall, slamming the door shut behind her. 

“Damn (y/n), what’d you do? She’s pissed.” 

“It’s none of your business, Zara.” 

“Oh, so it’s a lover’s quarrel then~” She cackled, her hair bouncing slightly with each heave of her shoulders. 

“For the love of… Haley and I aren’t dating, we’re both straight.” She’s straight.

“Mmhm.” She brushed past you to go to her locker. You followed her, your locker was in the grouping next to hers. You shared the area with Haley. You changed as fast as you could so that Haley would have time to change before practice starts. Speed walking into the gym, Zara was hot on your trail wearing a shit eating grin.

“Why are you in such a rush? Giving your girlfriend the silent treatment?”

“Zara. We aren’t dating. For the last time, we’re both heterosexual, not homosexual!” You wildly gestured with your hands to emphasize your point, your voice being amplified by the vast gym. Coach Williams gave you a confused look from across the gym. 

“You just keep telling yourself that.”

“I’m serious.”

“Hi serious,” a soft voice replied from behind you, “I’m Jazzy.”

You groaned at the pun at the same time Zara started cackling, giving the short libero a high five. “Nice!”

“That was so bad, Jaz.” You couldn’t help the smile that found its way onto your face.

Zara poked your cheek with a wide grin. “C’mon, you’re smiling!”

“I am and I hate it.”

Your bickering continued with Jazzy watching you two with a content smile. The remaining members of the team (Haley, Marlene, and Zuri) filed into the gym right as Coach Williams blew her whistle. 

Practice went by slowly without Haley talking to you. Sure, you had the rest of the team, but it didn’t feel the same with you guys ignoring each other. If the team or Coach Williams noticed you two not talking to each other, they didn’t say anything. By time practice was over, you all went to the locker room to change. After slipping into your fuzzy pajama pants, you sat on the bench and texted Wilbur to come pick you up. He was supposed to pick you up after practice today because he and Techno took the car home after school. Five minutes passed and he still didn’t reply. He probably won’t see the text until you got home from walking.

You sighed, resting your chin in your palm as you leaned forward. One by one, the girls left the locker room until it was only you and Haley left. 

“Do you need a ride (y/n)?” She asked gently.

“But what if the person sees us together? I can just walk home, it’s not really a big deal.”

She rolled her eyes at you. “It is a big deal. It’s cold and dark out. You could get kidnapped or something. You don’t even have a coat with you. I’m giving you a ride whether you like it or not.”

You playfully rolled your eyes at her and stood up to walk next to her, “okay, mom.”

“Don’t give me that attitude young lady.”

“You can’t tell me what to do, you’re not my real mom!”

She gasped and lightly smacked the back of your shoulder, “I married your- are you alright? Shit, I didn’t hurt you did I?”

“No, you’re good. It’s just this damned bruise.”

She moved her hands and frantically turned you around to pull the neck of your shirt down. You two stood in front of the school’s main entrance with the nauseatingly bright fluorescent light bouncing off the reflective surface of the tiles. The orange tinted street lights lit up the sidewalk outside.

“(Y/n)-”

“I know what you’re gonna say.”

She scoffed, “oh really? What am I gonna say then, o wise one?”

You turned around to face her, “‘oh, this is bad, yadda yadda yadda.’ Everyone’s been saying that about it. Honestly it looks worse than it feels. Tis but a scratch, m’lady.”

She snorted and covered her mouth, “never call me ‘m’lady’ ever again.”

You started to walk to her car in the empty parking lot. “Or what? What’re ya gonna do?”

“I swear to god, (y/n), I’m gonna leave you here.”

“Do it, pussy. Bet you won’t.”

“You really wanna bet?”

You grinned at her, “hell yeah.”

She broke off into a mad dash to her car, laughing freely into the night sky. You chased after her trying not to move your arms much, your laugh mixing with hers like a perfect symphony composed of the world’s best musicians. The sound of your rubber soles slapping the pavement resonated throughout the parking lot as you quickly gained on her. Reaching out to grab her shirt, she smirked at you and sharply turned to the right into the grass.

You grinned as her pace slowed down slightly. You’d be able to catch her at this pace. You pushed your legs to move faster as she looked at you from over her shoulder and shrieked in surprise at how close you were to her. You cackled at her reaction, reaching out once again, you grabbed her hand. She was stopped dead in her tracks as your shoulder was yanked with the sudden momentum, making you hiss in slight pain. Despite that, you didn’t let go of her soft hand. 

You both stood there under the moonlight and the soft orange street lamps trying to  catch your breath. The slightly damp blades of grass tickled your ankle as you shifted to face her better. Through gasping breaths and a dopey grin, you said “you… lost, pussy.”

She let out a breathy laugh as she pulled you to her car. “Shuddup.”

“Make me~”

She opened the passenger side door for you and got into the driver's seat. Her car smelled like vanilla and citrus. “Oh, you will later when I make you do more sets in weight lifting tomorrow, hurt shoulder be damned.”

She turned on the ignition and the car revved to life, soft indie pop wafted from the speakers. She backed out of the parking space and sped off to the main road. “You wouldn’t…”

“I’m your captain, (y/n). I can make you do whatever I want.” You felt your cheeks heat up a tad. You were happy that she couldn’t see you.

“Naw, you’re too much of a softie for that. Admit it, I’ve got you wrapped around my little finger.”

She chuckled as she pulled into your driveway and put the car in park. “...Alright, maybe you do. Just a bit.”

She turned to look at you. She looked stunning with the shadows accentuating the contours of her face perfectly. You found yourself glancing at her lips and leaning slightly towards you. To your surprise, she started leaning into you as well. Before your lips could finally mesh together, she pulled back with a sigh and ran her hand through her hair. You felt a rush of disappointment and fear course through your veins. She didn’t like you like that, you should’ve known better. You were so stupid. So, so stu-

“I can’t (y/n). I want to kiss you so bad, but we can’t. Not yet at least. Not until we find the pervert that took those pictures of us.”

You sighed, “right.”

The car was filled with awkward silence. Not even the soft music streaming from the speakers could alleviate the awkwardness. God, you really screwed up your friendship, didn’t you? Sammy, Adrian, and Annie were right; you messed up everything you touched.

You coughed, “I think I’m gonna…”

“Yeah…”

You grabbed your bag and walked into your house, the smell of chicken slapping you in the face instantly. Without checking in with your dad, you hurried up the stairs, desperate for the warm comfort of your bed. That, and if you wanted to get Sammy’s presentation and Adrian’s, Annie’s, and your research papers done by Friday, you had to start as soon as you could. You were going to skip dinner for tonight, you’d just grab more breakfast tomorrow morning. 

You plopped on your bed and got started on your research paper. Luckily, you already had all of the sources you were planning on using and the rough outline of each body paragraph, so writing the actual paper wasn’t going to take long. You worked until you heard a knock at your door. 

“(Y/n),” Techno’s monotone voice called out, “dinner’s ready.”

“Tell Dad I’m not hungry. Practice’s got me beat, I’m going to bed soon.”

He grunted, “you know he’s not gonna like that right?”

You felt frustration start to swim circles around your chest, “Techno, just tell him that I’m not hungry right now. Please.”

“Damn, you don’t need to be like that. I’ll tell him.”

You heard his stomping footsteps thumping down the hall. Shit, you pissed him off. You were a terrible person, he was just trying to get you to eat something, Pushing back the tears that threatened to spill from your eyes, you forced the panic that was starting to swirl around your body in laps deep into your being. You didn’t have time to deal with your failures and stupid emotions, you had to get this done. You didn’t have time to think about Haley’s warm breath ghosting across your lips. You didn’t have time to think about how she probably regretted almost kissing you. You didn’t have time to fall into an anxiety spiral, you needed to focus if you wanted Adrian, Annie, and Sammy to forgive you. You ruined yours and Haley’s friendship and did the same to yours and Techno’s. They were the only ones you had left. You needed to be a better friend.

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