#i guess i'll do my best to update with the new content

[imaginespazzi]

Part 6: Leaps of Faith

Masterlist - Part 1 - Part 2 - Part 3 - Part 4 - Part 5 - Part 7

I hope that you catch me, cause I'm already falling (you put your arms around me and I'm home)

(In which a writer who can see the end approaching starts building towards that ending)

Pairing: Paige Bueckers X Azzi Fudd

Themes: Angst and Fluff

Words: 8.0K

TW: Swearing, Alludes to Sexual Content

A/N: Good evening my lovelies <3. Happy Sunday and Happy Mothers day! First of all, I wanna thank y'all for being ever so patient with me. I know I've been pretty bad about updating lately and y'all have been so sweet with your asks and I really appreciate it. This fic is very close to its end. I probably could have ended it with this chapter but there's a very specific ending I want to write so this one is more of a self-indulgent filler but I think y'all will like this one. There will be one more chapter and then an epilogue of sorts. Once again, there are most likely logistical inaccuracies. I'm not even gonna lie, the editing on this one is shoddy so there are definitely grammar errors/typos. For now, ignore them and I'll go fix them later. As always, even if we're near the end, feel free let me know what you liked, what you didn't and anything you'd like to see before we get to the end. Have a wonderful week my angels <3

April 2024 

“It’s a little early for ice cream hon,” Azzi jumps at the sound of her mother’s voice, startled eyes following the direction of the noise to find Katie leaning against the kitchen door, with a raised eyebrow. 

“It’s a little early to scare the living bejesus out of me mom,” she says with a hand to her chest. 

If possible, Katie’s eyes roll even further at her daughter’s sarcastic tone as she makes her way over to the kitchen counter. She’s gotten herself a spoon and everything, ready to steal some ice cream for herself, when she notices the flavour. Next to her, Azzi stiffens. 

“You hate mint chocolate chip Az,” Katie says quietly. 

“I couldn’t find the strawberry ice cream,” Azzi defends stubbornly, her face taking on a guarded expression. 

Katie walks over to the freezer, opening it and pointing at the strawberry ice cream, Azzi’s favourite, that’s sitting in plain sight, “it’s right there.”

“Well,” Azzi splutters, “I’m trying something new,”. 

“You hate trying new things.”

“I’ve grown up I guess.”

“Azzi.”

“Mom.”

“Azzi, why are you eating ice cream you hate at 4 in the morning?” Katie finally asks in her best mom voice, sighing when she gets a mumbled response from her daughter, “in words Az, please.”

“Paige likes it,” Azzi admits slowly, and before Katie can say anything, before Azzi can dwell on what she’s said, she launches into a rant, “god knows why. Actually I know why because she’s stupid and weird and likes the dumbest shit. Who the fuck likes mint? Who the fuck likes mint and chocolate together? Gross. This shit is disgusting. It tastes all wrong. Paige is just-,” Azzi throws her hands up in the air, “she just doesn’t understand that some things don’t belong together. They can’t. They’re too different and it just- there’s a fucking balance to things you know? And she just- she doesn’t get that. It’s just- it’s not meant to be.”

“That doesn’t explain why you’re eating it right now,” Katie says carefully. 

“Because I miss her,” the truth bursts out of Azzi like an erupting volcano, burning itself into every crevice of her skin, “because for some fucking reason I don’t hate the taste of mint chocolate chip. Because maybe they do go together and maybe I’ve been the stupid one this whole time.”

Since she’d stepped out of the hotel in Cleveland, all Azzi could think about was going back, saying fuck it to all the useless logic she’d come up with and going back to the only thing in her life that had ever made sense her Paige. But as it often did in that clichéd battle between head and heart, her head had won out. And she’s never questioned why her head wins so much, why she’s always chosen to listen to the practical side of her brain, until now. Until now when the urge to turn back time, to make herself stay in that hotel room, is all that’s consumed her for the last week. 

“Azzi,” Katie wraps her arms around the younger girl, “what happened with you and Paige?”

Azzi hesitates for a second and then everything’s spilling out of her lips, the good, the bad, the inbetween, all of it tumbles out like an uncontrollable waterfall. There’s something freeing about being able to say it all out loud, something freeing about the tears Azzi finally lets roll down her cheeks. She grips the edge of the counter to keep herself from keeling over, starting to feel herself crumble under the heaviness of all these stupid feelings. 

“It shouldn’t be this hard,” Azzi whispers, “we used to be so easy.”

“Oh Az,” Katie rubs a thumb against her daughter’s cheek, “you used to be kids. You’re all grown up now. It’s always harder when you’re older.”

“Well, I don’t like it. I just want to be the way we were again.”

“So why don’t you?” Katie asks like it’s the most simple solution in the world and Azzi shoots her mother an exasperated look. 

“What do you mean? How do we even do that? We can’t be just friends again. We tried. Were you not listening at all?”

“Azzi, sweetheart, you’ve never been just friends.”

“That’s not true,” it’s a futile attempt at arguing against what’s become more of a fact than an opinion in Azzi’s life. It’s a truth she’d let herself acknowledge once and then buried deep within her, scared that once unleashed, it would ruin everything. Except, it turns out, even without it, things had still turned to dust.  

“Do you remember when you came home from Minnesota that first summer with Paige? You were either moping around or you were on call with her. There was no in between. It got better eventually, the moping stopped but the calls? I think you fell asleep on facetime with her almost every night. And you were tired every morning after, you barely had time to eat before school but every time I suggested that maybe you cut back, that was never an option,” Katie smiles fondly, “it’s when I knew.”

Azzi does remember, remembers talking about everything and nothing, remembers laughing and crying, remembers when Paige’s breathing was the only lullaby that could relax her into sleeping. And she remembers battling with that voice in her head, the one convinced there’s something more, silencing it with I’d do this with anyone. But that wasn’t true then and it’s not true now because Paige has never been just anyone, never been just a friend. Because even if Azzi’s never been brave enough to say it out loud, Paige is and has always been everything.

Despite knowing the answer and maybe dreading it just a little bit, Azzi asks it to her mom anyway, “what did you know?”

“That she was your person. You were too young, I couldn’t call it love just yet but I knew Paige was different then, she was yours in a way none of your other friends were. You were different around her,” Katie nudges her daughter, “Azzi you’ve always been just a little bit in love with her and she’s always been just a little bit in love with you too. The two of you have just been a matter of time.”

Azzi closes her eyes, and unlike other people, she doesn’t see darkness or little spots of light, she just sees Paige. Her mother’s words wash over her, like acid in her self-inflicted fight the feelings wounds and yet, the idea of she’s loved me too feels like a band-aid being delicately placed on the scars of her heart. 

“And place,” she whispers, eyes still closed, “we never seem to get time and place right.”

“Why do you need to?”

Another exasperated look is sent Katie’s way at that question, “we live on different sides of the country mom, what do you mean why do we need to?”

“I mean the two of you have barely ever been in the same place. But you made it work, when you had even less, when you felt even less. But you’re adults now. You have other resources now. And I know timing is difficult but- it’s you and Paige. What are you so scared of Azzi?”

Azzi sucks in a deep breath, “what if Paige runs away again?”

“What if you run away again?”

“Excuse me?” 

“Who was the last person to walk away, Azzi?,” Katie sighs when Azzi is adamantly silent, “I know she hurt you by leaving. I know she hurt you by pushing you away. But you did the same thing. You chose UCLA,” Katie holds up a hand when a frustrated Azzi tries to interrupt, “and it was the right decision for you Azzi and she should have supported it. But that doesn’t meant you didn’t hurt her and then you chose Zoe-”

“I didn’t choose Zoe-”

“Yes you did Azzi. Sweetheart you’re my daughter and I will always tell you the complete truth even if it’s not what you wanna hear. And the truth Azzi is that Paige might have hurt you in 101 different ways but that doesn’t mean you didn’t hurt her back in 99 different ways too.”

“You think I don’t know that?” Azzi whispers, “that’s the problem mom. It hurts when she hurts me but it hurts even more when I hurt her. I don’t want that for us but I just- I just don’t know how to stop it without stopping us.”

“You haven’t even tried, baby. Paige held out a hand and you ran away.”

“She left first. How am I supposed to trust that she won’t just do that again," all that’s missing from Azzi’s stubborn whine is a foot stomp.

“Because she came back. It took her a little bit, I know, but she came back and she’s ready to fight, the question is, are you?”

“Why are you defending her?” Azzi splutters, “who’s side are you even on?”

“There are no sides to this sweetheart. The two of you are on the same side. So maybe instead of fighting against her, take that hand, fight with her.”

***

The WNBA draft is a momentous occasion this year. With a hyped draft class like no other, and the promise of even greater ones in the future, there’s a sense of celebratory hope dangling in the air. When the invite had first come in, Azzi had known the same one would be sent to a certain blonde in Connecticut as well. And a part of her had wanted to hide herself away from that possible collision, but every other part of her wanted nothing more than to get just a glimpse of the blonde.

One moment Azzi is surrounded by flashing cameras and the echo of her name on everyone’s lips, the next everything around her is fading away her eyes meet Paige’s on the other end of the WNBA draft orange carpet. It’s nothing new really. Since she’s met her, the blonde has commandeered all of Azzi’s attention whenever she’s nearby. Sometimes it feels like all of her other five senses fade away to give birth to a secret sixth one, one that’s solely dedicated to Paige, one that’s terrifyingly all-consuming. And yet, despite the heaviness of we’ve said too many goodbyes, for the first time in what feels like eternity, Azzi feels like she can finally breathe. 

And then Paige looks away. 

And Azzi’s back to struggling for air. 

It’s selfish of her, she knows, to expect something, not when she’d been the one to leave them stranded on different islands. But Azzi doesn’t seem to think logically when it comes to Paige and even as she tries to turn her focus back to posing for the camera, every inch of her body is dangerously aware of the blonde’s every move, just a mere few feet away from her. Her conversation with her mother is echoing in her head, giving rise to dangerous desires of what if i grabbed your hand and we ran away together. 

Paige is a natural on the orange carpet, all dazzling smiles and twinkling eyes. She glides through it, inching closer and closer to Azzi, but never giving away any sense of discomfort. And if it was anybody else, maybe they’d never catch onto the nerves hidden beneath Paige’s facade of calm, cool and collected. But once upon a time Paige used to be Azzi’s favourite puzzle and she has every part of the blonde committed to memory. It’s in the way Paige’s teeth gnaw at her lips for the briefest of seconds, in the way her right index finger is begging to tap a beat against where her hands rests on hips, in the way she’s blinking just one too many times. 

And then with one more heavy footed step from Paige, the distance between them is barely a couple inches and they let out identical breaths of air, both of them keeping their focus on the cameras in front of them. It’s loud, too loud, and still all Azzi can focus on is the sound of Paige breathing. The air around them is thick with tension. It feels a bit like they’re silhouetted against a sky made of words they’ve left unsaid and clouds of all the bitter mistakes they’ve made are hanging over their heads. And when their pinkies brush together, and a jolt of electricity sends shivers of I miss you more every day again her skin, Azzi questions if she’s ever made the right decision when it comes to Paige. 

“Wait wait wait,” Ari cuts in, as she squeezes herself in between the two of them, “I wanna get in between the two of you.”

A harsh cry of no sits heavily on the top of Azzi’s tongue as the older woman forces a break in whatever little bit of contact she’d had with Paige. She feels a little pathetic, the way every little inch of her skin is craving for that touch back. It had been nothing, a barely there moment and still Azzi thinks, when she goes to bed tonight, if that was all she’d get of Paige, then it’ll be the only thing that’ll feature in her dreams. 

“Alright one with just Paige and Azzi,” Ari directs the media, stepping out of the way and pushing the two younger girls together. And it’s laughable that a little brush of their pinkies had Azzi feeling any type of way because when they’re suddenly pressed together, every inch of Paige’s side fitting into Azzi’s like it belongs, the way the world suddenly bursts with light and colours makes Azzi wonder if every moment without Paige has simply been monochrome. 

It comes to them naturally how to pose together, arms winding around each other’s waist, heads involuntarily leaning against the other’s. And the smiles might be for the cameras but Azzi knows hers is the most real it’s been all night. It might be temporary, she might lose Paige in the chaos, but for now Paige is here and Azzi has learned how to be content with whatever little she can get. 

As the media moves to capture other people, the logical thing to do would be to separate, to let go of each other. But instead they stand there, still completely wrapped around each other, heart rates in sync as they breathe in each other’s presence. And then Paige’s hand falls from the small of Azzi’s back to tangle their fingers together and they let out identical sighs of relief, something so cathartic in the purposefulness of that touch. Everyone is too busy to notice that the two of them have fallen into a whole other world, one where there’s only two of them and every emotion that they’ve only reserved for the other. There’s no words exchanged as Paige guides the two of them out of the spotlight, somehow keeping their hands clasped together in secret, despite the ever growing crowd. And Azzi doesn’t know this building at all, doesn’t have the faintest clue where she’s being led to, but as long as it’s Paige pulling her along, she doesn’t care where, she thinks she’d go anywhere. 

Paige stops abruptly in a secluded corridor, turning to fully face Azzi. And the sincerity in the blonde’s crystalline blue eyes, as they roam every inch of Azzi’s body before coming to fixate on her face, steals the air away from Azzi’s lungs. Paige has gotten better over the years at building walls, but with every new lock she places on her emotions, there’s a key to open them that seems to always find its way to Azzi. In the delicate golden hue, Paige shines brighter than any star ever could and in the dim light Azzi can make out every bit of hurt and love and please can we just have this moment that Paige can’t put into words. 

“Hi,” Azzi whispers softly, hands itching to reach out and caress Paige’s skin. 

“Hi,” Paige says back, even quieter. She stares at Azzi as if she’s memorising every little detail and then her face crumbles. Azzi feels her heart drop at the single tear that trickles down Paige’s cheek as she lets out a broken whimper. And this, this unspoken power they seem to have over each other, the uncanny ability to just hurt each other without any bit of effort, is what scares Azzi the most. It’s too much. They shouldn’t be able to do this. 

“Paige,” Azzi’s fingers twitch but she hesitates, not knowing if it’s the right thing, “fuck- P what’s wrong?”

Paige doesn’t reply, eyes wandering down to where Azzi’s trying to keep her hands still against her sides and when she looks back up, her eyes are bloodshot, “what’s wrong? What’s not wrong Azzi? You won’t even fucking touch me.”

“I didn’t-” Azzi struggles to speak, “I didn’t think you’d want me to.”

“Can you just- fuck- can you just stop overthinking things for once in your life. Of course I want you to touch- you know what nevermind. This was a bad idea. You made yourself clear and I’m just- fuck- I should- I should just go.”

She sounds adamant enough but all it takes, when Paige moves to leave, is the strangled cry that leaves Azzi’s lips. The sound is enough to pull Paige right back in. She takes one look at the tears brimming in Azzi’s eyes. And then she’s pushing Azzi against a wall, hands on either side caging the younger girl between her body and the hard surface behind. She presses their foreheads together and Azzi feels like every part of her might just be a part of Paige too. 

“I miss you. I miss you so fucking much. It’s barely been two weeks and I- fuck- Azzi- I’ve missed you every single second and now you’re here and I still miss you. And it really fucking hurts.”

“I’m sorry,” Azzi whispers, finally letting her hands cup Paige’s cheeks, and it’s worth it for the way Paige seems to completely melt into her touch, “I’m sorry I keep hurting you. I keep thinking I’m doing the right thing but- I don’t know- I feel like I’m always doing the wrong thing when it comes to you. I don’t- I don’t know what to do.”

“Just let me be with you,” Paige’s voice is wrecked with desperation as she presses herself as close to Azzi as possible, “I’ll be your whatever- whatever you give me- whatever you want- I just- I just want you Az- whatever little bit you’re willing to give me- I’ll take it- and if you want me to wait- fuck Azzi- I’d wait forever- you know that right? However long it takes, baby. Just want you- just want us.”

Leaps of faith are scary. Azzi’s never been great at taking them, too cautious, too much of a worrier. She’s more of a step back from the cliff kind of person. If she doesn’t jump, she can’t fall. But here’s the thing, when she was fourteen, Azzi jumped off of her first hypothetical cliff. It had been on a plane, when after avoiding one too many deep questions, Azzi had admitted to a girl she barely knew,that maybe she could like girls. It was the first time she’d ever let herself acknowledge that truth about herself and the girl next to her was a stranger but there was something about her, something that screamed i’ll hold your hand and if you jump it’ll never be alone. And ever since then, that girl, Paige, has always been there. Hands outstretched, ready to jump off any ledge. Because if there’s hard ground underneath, then they’ll learn how to fly together and if there’s water, they’ll figure out how to swim. With Paige there has always been the promise that, whatever it is, they’ll figure it out together. And it’s with that promise in mind, that Azzi takes the leap of faith. 

“Me too,” Azzi whispers, heart beating erratically. 

“What?” Paige searches Azzi’s face, as if waiting for her to take it back. 

“Us. You. You and me. I want that too,” a ghost of a smile begins to creep onto Azzi’s face, and for the first time in god knows how long, she feels feather light, a little bit like she’s floating on a rainbow. 

“You mean it?” Paige asks earnestly, hands moving from the wall to clutch at Azzi’s waist, “don’t play-Azzi- okay- you mean it for real?”

“I do. I want this- I want this so much and I’m still- I’m still really scared and maybe it’ll be a disaster but I- I want to try. With you.”

Azzi used to think she knew all of Paige’s smiles. Her small, not quite fake, but only for cameras and people she didn’t quite know, smiles. Her just for my friends smile that was filled with mirth and childlike joy. Her basketball smile that transformed into a smirk when she got too cocky. Her only for Drew smile, soft and filled with so much adoration and pride. Her Azzi smile, the one only the brown-skinned girl gets to experience, a smile that made Azzi’s her heart swell with love. But the smile that stretches across Paige’s face now, is one Azzi’s never seen before. This one throws Azzi’s entire world of balance, so bright, so big, so full of emotions. If she could, she’d tattoo that smile onto her skin forever. 

“We’re really doing this?” Paige asks, still a little stunned. It wasn’t what Azzi had planned for tonight. She hadn’t really had any plans for what would really happen. But then Paige had walked in and all Azzi could see was forever she was tired of fighting against. 

“We should take it slow okay-” Azzi wraps her arms around the older girl’s neck, keeping their foreheads still against each other’s, “I don’t- I don’t wanna rush into things and fuck it up. I can’t- fuck- I can’t lose y-”

“You won’t,” Paige swears, squeezing at Azzi’s wait, “I won’t let you. We can take it slow. We can take it however you want- I just- we’re doing this?”

“Yeah,” Azzi can’t help the grin that fills up her entire face, “yeah we’re doing this.”

And as they surge forward to claim each other’s lips, and as they meld every inch of themselves into each other, and as they smile and cry into the kiss simultaneously, and as they etch promises into each other skin, and as they let themselves finally fall into each other, for each other, it feels a lot like coming home. 

***

July 2024 

The early morning sunlight casts a dark shadow across Paige’s face, causing the still asleep blonde to scrunch up her face in irritation. Azzi, who’s been awake for nearly half an hour now, can’t help the fond smile that creeps onto her own lips. She shifts herself to block the sun and Paige lets out a content sigh, burrowing herself further into her pillows. And the thing is every moment with Paige is special but there’s something about waking up to her in the morning. Azzi’s always awake first and it gives her ample time to just admire the girl in her arms, blond hair tousled all over her pillow, lips parted slightly open, and one arm always, always, splayed across Azzi’s torso, holding her close. Over the course of time, Azzi’s found out that the second she moves, Paige seems to feel her leave, waking up instantly. 

There had been an adjustment period if Azzi's honest. It had taken her a while to shake that fear of Paige not being there in the morning. The first morning, she’d been scared to open her eyes, even if she could feel Paige’s presence right next to her. That had been one of the few mornings that Paige was fully awake first, hovering above Azzi to wake her up. And when she finally did get the courage to open her eyes, the first thing Azzi had seen was Paige, blue eyes sparkling with unfiltered adoration, a smile filled with promises of every morning just like this. And that had been enough. 

Azzi reaches out to brush a hand through Paige’s soft blond hair, mesmerised by how pretty Paige looks in the morning glow. A lot of Paige belongs to the world now and Azzi’s not opposed to sharing really, because someone so fucking perfect, deserves to be celebrated like that. But there are some parts of Paige that belong to Azzi and Azzi only, some parts Azzi cherishes as being only hers. This is one of them and Azzi takes a snapshot of it, knowing she’ll need it to function in a few months, when she won’t get the real thing. 

“Are you watching Paige sleep?” Azzi almost jumps at the sound of Drew’s voice at the doorway, having been too immersed in Paige to have even heard the door open, “that’s kinda creepy Azzi.”

“Jesus Drew, whatever happened to knocking?”

“I forgot?” Drew grins, before he plops on the bed, the force of it making the whole frame shake a little bit. 

“Drew!” Azzi chides, “you’re gonna wake her up.”

Drew cocks his eyebrows, sparing his sister, who seems unphased by the sudden little bit of chaos around her, still fast asleep, an unimpressive look, “please she can sleep through anything. Besides, it’s already 9. I thought we were gonna do things. I been up for aaaages.”

“She’ll be awake soon,” Azzi smiles, ruffling the younger boy's hair. Drew rolls his eyes and it’s remarkable how much he resembles Paige, not just by face, but the mannerisms too. 

He huffs for a second before his eyes sparkle with an idea, “what if we pour water on her!”

“Drew!” Azzi chastises again, trying not to giggle. 

“Boo,” Drew crosses his arms across his chest, “you used to be so cool Azzi.”

Azzi laughs as she’s reminded of a younger version of herself, scheming with Drew on how to wake Paige up. And it’s not that she’s beyond that really, tucking the water idea for a rainy day, but Paige looks too peaceful this morning and she wants to preserve that look of serenity on the older girl’s face for just a little bit longer. 

“Hey Azzi,” Drew says after a while and Azzi hums in response, “when you and Paige get married, I can still be a groomsman right? Even if there’s no grooms?”

“Wha- where did that come from?” the brunette’s eyes widened at the question, sitting up a little straighter. 

Drew peers up at her with all the innocence of a pre-teen, “you are gonna get married right?”

“I don’t-”

“It’s too early for your yapping Drew,” Azzi’s saved from answering by Paige’s tired voice entering the conversation. She looks over to find Paige’s eyes already on her, a soft smile playing on her lips as she looks up at Azzi. If Drew wasn’t sitting right there, Azzi would lean over and kiss her and let Paige deepen it until they were both satisfied. 

“Oh thank god,” Drew cheers dramatically, “I thought you were gonna sleep forever.”

Paige scoffs, the arm that’s still wrapped around Azzi’s torso tightening its hold, “I wish.”

“Well you’re awake now so get up,” Drew whines, moving from his spot on the end of the bed, to flop on top of Paige’s body instead, “get up, get up, GET UP.”

“Get off,” Paige groans but there’s no real force behind it. Azzi watches with a fond smile, as Paige flips Drew over so that she can tickle him, eliciting rounds of laughter from the younger boy. Something in her heart flutters, her mind going back to Drew’s question. She’s never really been one to think too hard about marriage and children and that domestic suburban life, leaving it up to fate, but now- well, maybe. 

“Okay aight aight enough. Go get ready for breakfast and we’ll be down in a second,” Paige says, ushering Drew off of the bed. 

“You can just tell me you want me to leave so you can kiss Azzi you know?” Drew scrunches up his nose, “you two are gross.”

Paige sends him a stern look and gets a dramatic eye roll in return but as he always does, Drew does as he’s told, mock saluting the two of them and skipping out of the room. 

“He’s right by the way,” Paige says softly, turning back to where Azzi’s leaning against the backboard, “I do want to kiss you.”

Azzi smirks lopsidedly, “what’s stopping you?”

She squeals in surprise when Paige pulls her, the force of it causing both of them to tumble onto the front-end of the bed. Azzi ends up on top of Paige, hands resting around her neck, the blonde’s hands holding her waist in place. 

“Good morning,” Paige grins, clearly proud of herself as she chases Azzi’s lips to pull her into a searing kiss.

“Good morning,” Azzi whispers back, thumb caressing Paige’s left cheek.  

“Just so you know,” Paige pulls away, a determined glint in her eyes, “we’re so getting married one day.”

***

October 2024

Azzi’s mood has been rancid for the last couple of weeks. It’s terrible she knows; it makes her irritating to play with and a nightmare to live with. But even if this had been expected, that she would be on one end of the country and her heart would be on the other side, it doesn’t stop her from constantly being in a state of missing Paige. And it’s different from before, now that there’s a certain surety of of course i’ll see you soon but soon never really feels soon enough. 

“Azzi can you please get the door,” Kiki calls from her room when the doorbell rings. 

“I’m busy,” Azzi grunts back, snuggling further into her pillow with a book she isn’t actually reading, “you go get it.”

“Azzi please, I’m literally in the middle of getting dressed,” Kiki yells exasperatedly. 

If it wasn’t for the fact that she’s pretty sure her teammates are about this close to plotting her murder, and deservedly so, Azzi would sink back onto her bed and let the incessant doorbell noise continue. But she does love her teammates, thinks Kiki probably deserves to change in peace, and it forces her out of bed, grumbling away about annoying visitors. Until she actually gets a look at the visitor. Paige stands on the doorstep, confident as ever, a bouquet of roses and peonies and lilies in her hand. 

“You’re here,” Azzi breathes out, staring in awe. 

“And thank fucking god she is,” Kiki quips from behind her, “maybe we can finally get our old happy Azzi back and not this bitch.”

Paige laughs, “watch how you talk about my girl Rice.”

“You’re here. You’re really here,” Azzi whispers again. 

“I heard you missed me baby,” Paige says, her cocky smirk betrayed by the softness in her voice. And then Azzi is flying into her arms, throwing Paige off balance. 

“So fucking much,” Azzi admits into Paige’s neck, eliciting a giggle from the blonde, “Kiki’s right. I have been a bitch.”

“Just a little bit,” Kiki calls out again but there’s a new fondness in her voice. It’s funny how her team, even the haters, have slowly become Paige fans. They’d been hesitant at first, just like the UConn girls, but now well, it seems the basketball world’s Montagues and Capulets have learned to accept their star players’ relationship. 

“Missed you too Az,” Paige’s tone is vulnerable as they break away, “alright, go get changed, I wanna take you somewhere.”

“Or…,” Azzi presses her lips to Paige’s neck, leaving a trail of open-mouthed kisses, “we could stay here and do something else.”

Paige shivers under her touch, stepping away to keep some semblance of control “n-no I have plans,” but she can’t help but kiss Azzi’s pout away, “it’ll be worth it, I promise. Besides,” she bites at Azzi’s ear, “there’s always later.”

***

“Your big plans are to bring me to the supermarket,” Azzi cocks an eyebrow as they walk down one of the many aisles, “you turned down sex for this? Should I be offended?”

Paige doesn’t say anything, concentratedly looking at signs, trying to figure out a specific section, before an aha! moment dances over her face, and she pulls Azzi with her, the younger girl going willingly, despite the eye roll. She stops triumphantly in front of the sushi section and Azzi looks at her quizzically. 

“I’m getting you supermarket sushi,” Paige says pointedly, “and then you can get me mac and cheese.”

And if you brought me sushi I’d have brought you your favourite mac and cheese. Oh. The realisation of what Paige is doing trickles around Azzi a little bit like rain after a long summer drought. She thinks back to the bouquet, everything suddenly making sense.

“You’re such a dork Paige Bueckers,” Azzi says softly, tapping the older girl’s nose. 

“Your dork,” Paige grins cheesily, “now hurry up and pick one. I don’t wanna miss the sunset.”

***

Once she catches on it, it doesn’t surprise Azzi to find that Paige has everything planned out perfectly, down to the exact spot in the park- the one by Paige’s recovery airBnB, the one they’d taken countless walks in trying to repair their friendship- where the two of them can be away from everybody else, in their own little bubble. And she has a picnic blanket, that’s a little small but they don’t really want space from each other anyways. They lean against a tree, food set up in front of them, Paige’s laptop, carefully piled on top of a couple of books to be the perfect height, set a little bit further away. 

“So what NBA game are we watching?” Azzi asks with a smile and Paige groans, “what? Was that not part of the plan?”

“Dude come on. It’s the beginning of October. Please tell me you know the NBA season isn’t happening yet,” Paige rubs her temple, only a little endeared by the comment, “are you sure you’re a basketball player?” 

“There are games in October. I swear I’ve seen them before,” Azzi says sceptically. 

“Yeah at the very end of the month, not right now.”

“Well then close enough,” Azzi says indignantly, “I don’t need to know the exact day.”

“Whatever you say baby,” Paige acquiesces with a smirk and it earns her an elbow to the stomach, “what the fuck? That shit’s domestic violence you know?”

“Big words Bueckers, didn’t think you knew them,” Azzi teases, placing a kiss against Paige’s offended expression, before settling herself against the blonde’s side, sighing contentedly when she gets a kiss on her temple in return. They’re cliché enough to put on Love and Basketball, but Azzi doesn’t really end up watching much at all. In between slow kisses, she almost falls asleep a couple of times, the comfort of Paige’s arms like a blanket wrapping her in the warmth of this is my fairytale. 

“THE POLAROID,” Paige’s shout breaks Azzi out of her haze as she feels her body being shaken off, the blonde rummaging through her bag for the camera, “we have to take the polaroid. My wall needs it.”

“Oh yeah a tiny polaroid picture of us inbetween all your Lebron posters, a perfect fit,” Azzi drawls only to be met with a scathing look from Paige. 

“It’s for important things and Lebron is the most important of them all,” Paige explains with complete seriousness, as she finally finds the polaroid camera and shimmies back to Azzi with it in hand. 

The sunset is beautiful. Pink, purple, orange and blue, all blending together to create the perfect picture. But Azzi thinks it’s not nearly as beautiful as the girl in front of her, not nearly as beautiful as the date Paige had planned, not nearly as beautiful as the future she can so clearly see now. Her mind drifts back to the night of the phone call, and she can almost hear Paige’s sobs again, can still hear her own voice breaking. Back then, they had seemed impossible, a butterfly like dream that danced out of their grasp. 

“Hey,” Paige captures her chin with two fingers, “where’d you go?”

Azzi shakes her head, “nowhere. I’m right here. With you. Where I should be.”

“Sappy goof,” Paige snorts but she kisses Azzi like she’ll take those words and hide them in the labyrinth of her mind, protect them there forever. 

Taking the picture is a task, both of them bickering about angles and lights. It’s unnecessary arguing, in true Paige and Azzi fashion really but there’s something so mundanely domestic about it that Azzi finds herself wanting to memorise this moment too. They finally get the frame just right, somewhere in between what they both wanted. Azzi smiles at the camera, her Paige smile, as the blonde in question presses her lips against her cheeks. 

Click. 

And Azzi hopes, that however many years later, when they have a home of their own, amidst all the photos that they’ll take over the next years, this one will be hung somewhere on their wall, a testament to finally realising every dream they’d dared to dream together. 

***

December 2024 

There are pebbles being thrown at her window and Azzi has to stop herself from laughing when she peers down to see Paige, freezing cold in the Virginia December air, staring up at her with a goofy smile. She shakes her head when her phone rings, knowing it’s Paige and answers it with her own foolish grin. 

“What exactly are you doing?” Azzi asks, “come back to bed.”

“You said I was unromantic. I’m trying to be romantic,” Paige’s teeth chatter in the cold, as she balances her phone in one hand, still throwing rocks with the other. 

“I didn’t say that and throwing rocks at my window is supposed to be romantic? You’re going to wake the whole house up.”

“That��s what they do in all the good rom coms. And you said and I quote ‘we’re kind of boring’. You might be boring Azzi Fudd but I most definitely am not.”

It had been a throwaway comment Azzi had made at dinner with some friends from high school. One of her friends had been going on and on about some adventurous trip that she and her boyfriend were going on, and then asked Paige and Azzi if they had any of that planned. To which Azzi had replied that they were a little too busy, considering they were college basketball players still in season, and besides they were “kind of boring” people. She hadn’t meant it in any type of way. Personally, Azzi likes boring. Paige however, seemed to have taken the comment to heart and Azzi had woken up at 2 a.m. to an empty bed and the sound of something being thrown at her window. 

“Okay I’m sorry. I’m sorry. You're really interesting baby and the most romantic person in the world. Now will you please come back to bed,” Azzi concedes, already missing the feeling of being cuddled up in her blankets with Paige’s body heat keeping her nice and toasty. 

“No,” Paige says indignantly, “come down here.”

“Paige, it's freezing. It’s gonna start snowing any minute.”

“Exactly. That’s exciting.”

“Sleep is exciting,” Azzi whines, but she’s already padding around her room looking for a warm sweater, grumbling under her breath about the warm California sun she’s missing. She tiptoes down the staircase, wincing at the one step that creaks just a little too much, before pushing herself out the door. And it’s freezing cold, there’s sleep in her eyes, but it’s all worth it Azzi thinks, it’ll always be worth it, just to experience Paige’s smile. 

“Knew you’d come,” Paige grins cockily, mittened hands pulling Azzi into her.

“Yeah yeah. What are we even doing?”

“Azzi Fudd,” Paige bellows dramatically, “may I have this dance.”

Azzi stares at Paige’s outstretched hand wondering if this is some sort of cry for help, but one look at Paige’s face tells her that the girl in front of her is being absolutely serious. 

“This is your idea of exciting? Dancing in the street while it’s freezing with no music?” Azzi raises an eyebrow, but she takes Paige’s hand. 

“It’s spontaneous,” Paige says the last word with a flourish, as she spins Azzi, “why not dance in the street when it’s freezing with no music?”

And well, that’s a fair point. If anyone were to look out their window that night, they’d probably think the two girls were somewhat crazy. Laughing and giggling and tripping over each other as Paige hums a melody and Azzi occasionally joins in. It’s ridiculous and corny and cliché and perfect. And then the first little bit of snow falls, white drops circling around the two dancing girls, snowflakes catching on their eyelashes. The dim glow of the streetlight is enough to catch identical smiles on the two girl’s faces as they revel in each other. 

“You know some people say if you make a wish during the first snowfall, it’ll come true,” Paige whispers, still waltzing the two of them around, cheek pressed to Azzi’s, “you wanna try?”

And the thing is Azzi doesn’t really believe in all of that, in magic but something about Paige, something about this moment feels magical. It makes a believer out of Azzi. 

“Yeah,” Azzi smiles, “let’s make a wish.”

They stand still, holding hands, eyes closed, both a little breathless, as they make their wishes. And when they open them, if it feels a little bit like maybe their wishes have already been granted, well they’ll share it in a secret smile but never out loud. After all, wishes don’t come true if you speak of them. 

***

April 2025

7 seconds to go in the National Championship and Azzi’s UCLA Bruins are down by two points. It’s her last chance, having already declared for the 2025 WNBA draft, to win a national championship, to bring home their first basketball national championship since the 1978 team that had won the AIAW championship, to win their first NCAA championship ever. It had taken some sheer luck to get to this point if Azzi’s honest. As a two-seed in the Spokane region, they’d benefitted from their one-seed having been eliminated early and then getting to face a Cinderella six-seed in the final four. On the other side of the bracket, UConn, the favourites coming for a repeat, had been stunned by another team, the team that UCLA was now facing. That had caused a bit of a second-hand sting and Azzi’s not really trying to take revenge for Paige, but it'd be a lie to say the get back at them for me babe from earlier this morning isn’t ringing in her head. 

The play is simple, set screens for Azzi, get her open, get her the ball. A two would get them to a tie and three would win it outright. Either will do. It’s a little too reminiscent of last year when Azzi had failed at tying the final 4 game and she can still feel that loss on the tips of her fingers. They break out from their last timeout, breathlessly running to their spots on the floor. The whistle blows, Kiki inbounds the ball and everything is a blur. All Azzi knows is the shot clock is winding down. She runs off of what feels like a million screens. And then she’s open on the wing, for a millisecond. A perfect pass from Kiki makes sure the ball lands straight in Azzi’s hand. And she doesn’t think, doesn’t breathe, doesn’t even notice the defender put up a hand, she shoots the ball. There’s two people on the court that know for sure that ball is going in the minute it leaves Azzi’s fingers, the shooter herself and her biggest fan in the stands, who’s been just a little bit in love with that shooting stroke, since before anything else had even begun. 

With a delicate swish, the ball falls through the net, the buzzer sounds around the arena, the crowd explodes in blue and gold, as the UCLA Bruins win the 2025 national championship. 

Everything stills in Azzi’s brain for a second, her thoughts taking a second to catch up to reality. She’s never really been one to emotion on the court, keeping herself steely guarded through most games, even at the very end. But now, triumph and pride and just utter happiness at finally achieving one of her biggest dreams, comes roaring to the surface, manifesting itself throughout her entire body, as she lets out a scream of joy. Her teammates engulf her and she gets lost in a sea of hugs and tears and bright, decadent smiles. 

As thing start to calm down, there’s really only one thing on Azzi’s mind and Paige’s words echo in her ears, because if I’m gonna end up fucking crying, then I want it to be on your shoulder. And if I’m gonna end up celebrating, I want it to be in your arms. And Azzi thinks maybe Paige had discovered one of the biggest truths of their life with that, the truth that at the end of day, in any moment, big or small, happy or sad, the one person Azzi wants next to her, is her Paige. It’s been that way since she was fourteen, and too young to really understand the meaning of wanting someone forever, and she thinks if she has her way, it’ll be like that for the rest of her life, the rest of their life. 

Paige is beaming in the crowd, standing next to Jon and José, a #35 jersey proudly adorning her torso. She waves when she catches Azzi’s eyes, always her biggest cheerleader. And Azzi throws caution to the wind, fuck it, not caring that there’s still a large crowd or that cameras are likely to follow her every move. She pushes her way into the stands, stopping right in front of the blonde. 

“On a scale of one to ten, how bad would kissing you right now be?” Azzi asks, still a little breathless. 

A myriad of emotions flicker through Paige’s face before settling on a mischievous smirk, “probably pretty bad but you should do it anyways.”

Azzi grins before merging their lips together and everything else fades to the background, until she’s consumed by nothing but Paige. They break apart far quicker than either of them would like and Azzi expects to feel just a little bit of fear at what she’s just done, likely given the media a spectacle they could run a million and one stories about but instead, with her forehead still pressed against Paige’s, she feels nothing but calm. 

“I’m so in love with you,” Azzi whispers and Paige’s eyes widen. They’ve known it for a while now but it’s the first time either of them have said it. 

“Say it again,” Paige demands. 

“I’m so in love with you,” Azzi says again, grinning so hard, she thinks it might become her permanent expression, “like really fucking in love with you.”

“I’m so in love with you,” Paige whispers, pulling Azzi into a bone-crushing hug. 

And this might not be the moment where everything finally comes together. There’s still so much life left to live, so much that they still need to work through, so much they’ve yet to deal with. But for now, Azzi has a national championship and she has the love of her life, the rest will work itself out, or so she hopes.

[zooliminology]

Update/What's in the Future

[Hey guys, you probably have noticed that this is going to be likely the longest dry spell of real Zoolim content in a while. I apologize for this. Life has gotten in the way of a lot of things.

-I'm an art student in college, and last semester I didn't take any art classes so I was basically free to do whatever, but this semester I've taken three studio art classes, which are all very intensive and in honesty I would not recommend it! If you're a studio art student stick to 1-2 studio art classes a semester so you don't go insane please! I'm currently absolutely SWAMPED with work right now. -The Golbo video and the video that is imminently due this Tuesday (that i am writing this post about instead of working on) are the results of my New Media class. Considering the ten thousand million fucking art assets I have to draw for these it's been very time consuming (still want to do it though.) -A lot of life things have happened to me recently, not to be super personal but a family member of mine is sick and my living conditions are not the absolute Best, so it's been taking a heavy toll on my health.

All of these combined, especially the studio classes part because I've been bled dry of creativity energy relating to zoolim basically, has caused this dry spell basically. My hopes are that after the semester ends (which is soon) I'll be able to work on things more. I feel bad about not working on it more but I have to draw things other than zoolim to literally stay sane because it's a lot.

So I guess that leaves us with one question: what's in the future?

Well, a lot of things... maybe? I'm a little dry on entity ideas right now but i have a few, and I'd like to revisit some entities more and expand on them. And while I enjoy the videos and the non-entry ideas I have for material, I would also like to continue the 'traditional' paintings and entries. So I hope I can work on that alongside other things! I also have more ideas for videos, but considering how I have to do nearly all of the work, aside from the narration (thanks Darvinos) any video production will likely slow down dramatically after the semester is over. Until my next New Media class at least, but IDK if it will let me make the same shit.

I also have some deeper lore and a story semi-figured out, along with characters (you ever wonder who's taking the pictures? not the same person who's writing the captions!!!) but they would be hard to implement in this tumblr blog organically, so maybe they'll show up in some videos. I've thought of asking more people for help for this purpose, though I'd need to work out completely how that would work, and the moment that zoolim becomes more than some backrooms world i work on mostly by myself will become scary.

Sorry that this post is a big ramble, I hope yall understand and I swear the Longlegs video will come out pretty soon, it will be worked on again right after I post this lol. But please take care, and thank you for all the support you've shown me so far. It truly does mean a lot to me. I've said it several times but I'll say it again, I never imagined this shitty little art project about weird goobers in the backrooms would get so much attention lol.

ok end of post]

[darkficsyouneveraskedfor]

As the World Turns 2

No tag lists. Do not send asks or DMs about updates. Review my pinned post for guidelines, masterlist, etc.

Warnings: this fic will include dark content such as noncon, manipulation, imbalanced power dynamics, and possible untagged elements. My warnings are not exhaustive, enter at your own risk.

This is a dark!fic and explicit. 18+ only. Your media consumption is your own responsibility. Warnings have been given. DO NOT PROCEED if these matters upset you.

Summary: Your new job takes you to new places with lots of new people.

Characters: Nick Fowler, Jonathan Pine, Lloyd Hansen

Note: I know I shouldn’t have done this.

As per usual, I humbly request your thoughts! Reblogs are always appreciated and welcomed, not only do I see them easier but it lets other people see my work. I will do my best to answer all I can. I’m trying to get better at keeping up so thanks everyone for staying with me <3

Your feedback will help in this and future works (and WiPs, I haven’t forgotten those!)

“I might hear you out,” Mr. Hansen, or Lloyd, sits back as he slurps from a rounded class of cognac, “as long as you bring this pretty little thing along tomorrow.” 

You chew quietly on a piece of lettuce and look around. You search the table for whatever he means, confused by the statement. Your eyes flick up to meet his and you gulp, realising he’s referring to you. Oh.  

He called you pretty but it just feels off. You give a tight-lipped smile and reach for your sparkling water. He brings his hand over the top to stop you as Fowler sighs. 

“She’ll keep the minutes,” your boss grumbles. 

“How about some wine, baby face?” Lloyd leans forward. 

“Uh, I don’t drink, thanks,” you answer sheepishly. You’d already told him as much but it hasn’t kept him from offering more than once. 

“Boring,” he mutters and retracts his hand. “Gonna be a long vacation if you don’t loosen up.” 

“She’s not on vacation, she’s working,” Fowler girds as he tosses his napkin on his plate. “You’re really gonna drag this out, aren’t you?” 

“Drag what out?” Lloyd winks as he sits back, gripping one leg as his other sways. 

“The deal.” 

“You gotta wine and dine before you get between my thighs,” the other man taunts. “What’s for dessert?” 

Fowler exhales slowly, jaw tense as he eyes the other man. You glance between them then over your shoulder. Maybe the server could bring the dessert menu. 

“You know I don’t sleep well in a strange land without someone to keep me warm--” 

“Cut it out,” Fowler warns his acquaintance harshly, “we got an early morning.” 

His chair scrapes as he stands, drawing your attention back to the table. You feel like you might wilt as you meet the heat of Lloyd’s fervent gaze. He has an elbow beside his plate, his glass in his hand as he hovers it before his mouth and stares. He sips then pokes out his tongue in a way that makes you nervous. 

Your wide eyes skirt over to your boss and you push yourself from your chair. 

“Just like you to cut the fun short--” 

“I was on a plane half the day, I don’t have the energy for you,” Fowler takes out his wallet and drops a wad of bills on the plate, “dinner’s on me.” 

“And I’d like dessert on me,” Lloyd harrumphs and drains his glass, slamming it down on the stem as he lets out a heavy sigh. He stands and tugs at his belt without shame. You sidle away and push the chair in, staying close to your boss. 

“We’ll talk more. I’m not leaving without a deal, Hansen.” 

“We’ll see about that,” Lloyd slaps his chest and stifles a belch behind his fist, “guess I'll hit the massage parlour again.” He rolls his neck and winks at you, “stiff from the flight.” 

“Come on,” Fowler ignores whatever inference his colleague makes and spins on his heel, then gestures to you, “let’s get going.” 

“Oh, uh, yes, sir,” you turn to follow. 

“Mmm, yes, sir,” Lloyd mimics in a purr as you prance off. 

You tap out next to your boss as he checks his watch. He raises his hands to swipe over his face and hair. He must be just as tired as you. Your excitement has dwindled to a low thrum and you’re ready to keel over. 

“I want my coffee at six. Got it?” He demands. 

“Yes, sir.” 

“Call the front desk, have them send breakfast too. We’ll be heading off early.” 

“Yes, sir,” you echo again, barely keeping up with his fast march. 

“And wear a dress,” he says. 

Again, you affirm his command. 

He stops before a pair of double doors; wood carve in intricate patterns. He faces you and exhales, “do not fuck Hansen.” 

You’re stunned by the suggestion. You raise your brows and let your mouth fall open. You sputter and shake your head, “s-sir--” 

“Just don’t,” he warns. “Flirt with him but nothing more. Trust me.” 

“I wouldn’t--” 

“I’m not asking about your preferences, I’m giving you an order,” he turns to the door and reaches into his pocket, pulling out his card, “good night.” 

“Oh, er, good night, sir,” you back off awkwardly, still scalding from his assumption. 

You click down the hall in your shoes and frown. Does he really think you would do that? He said himself, you’re on a business trip. Sure, Lloyd was forward and unfocused but you didn’t encourage him at all. To be fair, you didn’t catch half of what he meant. 

You get to your room and stop, feeling around your clothing as your heart drops. Oh no! You can see the cards in your mind, sitting on the table inside the hotel room. Oh, gosh, you’re so stupid. 

You turn and face the hallway behind you. Of course you would lock yourself out. For everything that went so smoothly on your first trip abroad, something was bound to go wrong. Well, you’d rather this than be stranded in the middle of no where. 

You push away from the door and stroll back down the hall. You find your way back to the lobby. It's eerily empty as you peer around. The high ceilings are centered by a grand chandelier and the panels between the skylight panes are painted with elaborate patterns. The night peers down at your lone entrance, making the echo of your steps even more desolate.  

You go to the counter and raise your hand over the bell, wary of disturbing the peace. You tap it lightly but the ding is deafening. You wince and cry out as a body pops up from behind the counter like a jack-in-a-box. 

“Eek,” you touch your chest as the manager appears like an apparition. 

“Pardon me,” he puts his hands on the counter, “I was only just sorting through some things. Didn't mean to startle you.” 

“No, it's…it's fine,” you giggle as your fear dissipates, “I didn't expect such a quick response.” 

“Always at your service, miss,” he address you by your last name. You're flattered he remembers you. “And so I must ask how I can be of assistance.” 

“Right, er, this is kinda embarrassing,” you scrunch up your lips and look at the wall, “I locked my keys in my room.” 

“Ah, well, that's not the end of the world,” he waves away your worry.

You notice his jacket is disposed, folded over the unusued chair on it's tall legs, and his shirt sleeves are rolled to his elbows. He must be used to solitary nights.

“I'll come let you in.”  He reaches to his belt to pull out a white card, “now this is your first wish, you've only two more after.” 

You furrow your brow curiously and he gives an awkward grin, “a joke, of course. This genie does not count favours.” 

“Uh, thanks,” you murmur. 

He comes out from behind the desk and gestures you to come with him. You catch up as he strides breezily across the lobby. Your eyes wander the extravagant interior and you drift off in your imagination. What it must be like to work here every day. 

“And are you enjoying your time abroad thus far?” Jonathan asks. 

You snap back to the present and chuckle nervously, “sure, I... it’s nice so far but I haven’t been here very long.” 

“Mm, yes, well I do hope you find time among your business to explore. If you have an questions, I’d be happy to answer. I even have a few recommendations if you’re interested,” he offers. 

“Oh, thanks so much,” you swallow a yawn and flutter your lashes. He glances over at you as he strides on. 

“And did you enjoy the restaurant?” He prompts. 

“Uh yes, the food was delicious,” you chime. 

“I will let the chef know you said so,” he remarks, “if you are interested in the local cuisine, there is a shop not far from here which is a touch more genuine. Though I must warn you it is spicy fare.” 

“I love spice,” you smile blink long as another yawn nestles at the base of your throat. 

“Well, you will let me know when you try it if you like it,” he nears your door and brings the car up to slide through the slot, “you must be terrible exhausted.” 

He pushes the door open and holds it with his long arm, “just a little,” you agree, “thanks so much.” 

“Never to worry, these things happen,” he assures, “the nights are lonely and I don’t mind the task.” 

You smile as you step under his arm and turn in the doorway, “have a good night.” 

“You too, darling,” he returns, “be sure to put your key somewhere you won’t forget.” 

“Oh, yes, thank you,” you bounce on your feet and grab the door handle. 

He lets go and you shut the door gently. You give a big yawn and face the room. Thankfully, you left the lamp on. You leave your shoes by the door and rub your eyes as you stagger forward. You take out your phone to check your alarms and set it a bit earlier. You won’t be getting much sleep. 

🌍

You have Mr. Fowler’s coffee in hand as you stroll up to his door. You double-checked at the counter to make sure you didn’t misremember. You check your watch as you approach. Ten to six. You’re early. He’ll be impressed. He’s not very fond of lateness though you’re yet to test that yourself. 

You’ve done pretty well. You got yourself up, with help from a freezing cold shower to keep your eyes open, and you look pretty good. A peachy orange blouse and a grey skort. You’re ready for the day in your mary jane flats, sparing your arches the strain of heels. 

You knock and call through the door, “sir, I have your coffee.” 

You look at the cup. You had it made exactly as he always get. An americano with an extra shot. You think the caffeine is a bit much but you would never say so to him. He’s your boss, not the other way around. 

“Mr. Fowler?” You knock again as you stand in the hall, “it’s going to go cold--” 

The door opens suddenly and your fist nearly hits Mr. Fowler instead of the door. You retract and give a sheepish grin, “uh, good morning, sir,” you gulp. He has a towel crookedly clutched around his waist and he’s dripping wet. His stomach is hard and lined with muscle, tightly knotted and glistening with moisture. 

“It’s not six,” he snarls. 

“Sorry, sir, I'm early. Your coffee,” you extend your arm to offer him the cup, “they are bringing your breakfast shortly--” 

He grumbles and takes the cup. You let it go, hovering at the threshold as he keeps one hand on the towel. He inhales the scent of the espresso and tastes it with a moan of relief. He kicks the door shut and it snaps in your face. You step back and flinch. 

He’s right. You’re early. You caught him off-guard. That much is obvious. You can’t blame him for his mood. No one likes being interrupted during a shower. You back up and stand against the wall. You’ll wait. You have no choice. You know if you disappear, he’ll be even less pleased. 

Room service arrives shortly after and knock. Mr. Fowler lets them in, ignoring you as you linger, and the hotel porter leaves shortly after. You sway on your feet and check the time. 

Someone else might be annoyed but you’re too excited. The shine of the new place has yet to wear off. Even if you are working, the backdrop is enough to assuage any pitfalls. 

You check the time several times as you pace in the hall. You flatten yourself to the wall as another hotel denizen passes. You’re a bit awkward lurking there. You start to worry someone might see you and get suspicious. It is a bit strange to just be staring at a door. 

Before your doubts can get the best of you, the doors open and Mr. Fowler emerges in a white button-up and navy slacks. He forgoes his jacket and tie for the natural climate. His short hair is tidy and a light stubble trims his jaw. He checks the time on his wrist and signals with his index. 

“The car?” He demands. 

“The car,” you echo and your eyes flit back and forth. 

“The valet has the rental,” he snarls, “did you call for it?” 

“Sorry, sir, I...” you take out your phone and scroll, “I don’t see anything in the itinerary--” 

“Get the car,” he demands. 

“Yes, sir,” you wince and hurry ahead, “will do.” 

You scurry out of his sight and clamour into the lobby. You search around and see a new face behind the counter. Jonathan must be done his shift. You ask about the valet and they point you outside. 

You ask for Mr. Fowler’s car and wait near the ramp of the garage. You should’ve known. You booked the rental car and all that. You’re going to blame it on jet lag.  

Mr. Fowler appears at an easy pace, a hand in one pocket and the other around his phone. He doesn’t look up as he approaches. He stops a few feet away and sighs, once more peeking at his silver watch. 

“On it’s way, sir,” you assure him. 

He slips his phone into his pocket and squints at you. You give a shaky smile. You hate when he looks at you like that. It feels like he’s judging you. Well, he definitely is. 

“I told you to wear a dress,” he says as he reaches to touch the collar of your blouse. 

“Oh, sorry, sir,” you blanch. You must have forgot amid your late night chaos. You feel a surge of panic and quickly check your purse. You have your keys. “Do you want me to go change?” 

“It’s fine,” he turns you by your shoulders and pinches your top button. He undoes it and you try to look down at his hands, only to go cross-eyed. He clucks and undoes the next one, leaving the satin to hang low on your chest. “That will do.” 

You resist the urge to redo the button and you shrug, trying to hike fabric higher on your shoulders. You are overtly aware of your cleavage. It’s not very professional. 

“Sir,” you bring your phone up again, “I think my data isn’t working. I can’t see the itinerary.” 

“Don’t worry about it,” he turns as a sleek black car pulls up before you, “just get in.” 

[fuckyeahmhawkefenris]

MAJOR update

So I don't know if anyone else even cares about this stuff, but I made some huge progress with tagging/retagging things here. For some time I haven't been tagging any posts at all lacking motivation because, seriously, does anyone even look at tags these days?

Still, my love for this ship keeps me going. Maker, I'd forgotten how therapeutic the process is. For a few days I almost stopped dwelling on my own personal issues.

Anyway

Allow me to remind y'all that this blog has a list of TAGS, a rather extensive one. I shudder to think how much time I spent compiling it all, but it does make me happier somehow

We have an impressive collection of fanart, so many comic bits they had to be separated into their own category to make it possible to navigate through all the artwork, writings that I don't think can be found anywhere else. In the beginning this fandom also used to produce a lot of memes and jokes, not so much of it now, but we don't forget our history! There is so much to uncover and rediscover.

I guess that canoodling/hugging/cuddling/snuggling tags are still a mess (always have been) despite my best efforts, but I genuinely tried to make it make sense somewhat. Having 8000+ pieces of art for your ship gets you there. Hard to believe it used to be almost nonexisistent in the beginning. It was so easy to navigate in 2012...

I didn't even try to sort out the comics, and fiction is not tagged either, except for the most basic basics.

Well, if anyone has any better ideas/suggestions don't be shy about @ ing me. Hell, if you can think of any new tags worth adding, let me know. And if you could reply to the relevant posts with it, it'd be fantastic.

If you're bored and don't mind spending some time with Fenris and Hawke, observing them love each other, please take a look at the list. There are also separate pages for the people who make fanart and write stuff for us, so you can always find more of their works by looking up the artists name in the tags. Though this page is forever in progress.

There's always room for improvement, so if you have anything to say, PLEASE SAY IT.

Also, the pornstash is up again, and now there is some semblance of a system.

It is a members-only blog, since almost all of its content is flagged and can only be viewed by members. So you need to become one. Everyone is welcome to join, but please don't follow it. All you need to do is like this post. I'll see your username and send you an invite. After that you'll need to check your e-mail (NOT tumblr inbox!) and follow the link you'll find there. And please read the post i linked carefully, there's vital information in it.

I'm just really tired

I'd really like to sort this place out completely so that when I retire, and someone is willing to take it off my hands, I could be at peace.

[oh-koenig-my-koenig]

Fit for a King - WIP - "You are tiny"

Fit for a King - Masterlist

König fanfiction scenes and chapters that do not yet have a coherent plot

planned content/TW: rivals to lovers, König x fem!character (not too descriptive to make it accessible for more readers), social anxiety killing machine König, badass friendly FMC, dual POV, secret relationship, switch energy, NSFW, adult themes, strong language, violence (more details are still unclear, gonna update as I go), authentic austrian german

a/n: well, my brain isn't letting go of this newest obsession of mine, so I will appease it and write some scenes/chapters that come to mind. i have written more original work and less fanfictions and our boy (and KorTac) is hard to research, but I'll try my best to stay some-what cannon to the lore. it'll also probably get darker down the road.

if your character doesn't have a tragic backstory, why not give him one?

A not so meetcute

(CW: some mature language)

I strut along the hallway, I'm already late to report for duty and turn the corner abruptly. I collide with somebody else at full walking force and almost get pushed to the floor, if the big figure blocking the light shining from above wouldn't have caught me. "Ouch.", I yelp, more surprised than hurt, even though I feel like ran over by a truck.

I steady myself to look at the "truck". I look up and I keep looking up and up. At first there's just this chest, a huge chest, in a simple compression shirt, but oh boy. The weapon holster is what I see next, sitting snug at the side of his torso. Shoulders, big broad shoulders, and normally you would expect to have a head sitting on top of them and a face looking back at you. I guess, he has one as well, even though I don't see one bit of it. I strain my neck to finally meet his eyes.

But all I see is the dark black of a… sniperhood? A T-shirt? I mean, it looks like a t-shirt, that somebody cut holes in to fashion themselves a kind of mask. The front is stained with bleach, two streaks coming down from the eyeholes... My eyes widen as it sinks in who this is. König. KorTac operator, field combatant and one of my superiors. Shit. I've heard some rumors about him. And it seems like at least some of them ring true.

"You are tiny.", he states matter-of-factly, his Austrian accents shining through the uttered words. It's the first thing he says to me. "And you are... not.", I retort. I can't make out his expression as it so obviously is hidden by his mask. He nods, turns around and heads down the hallway where he came from. I shake my head. What the hell was that?

I stretch myself, feeling the impact of the collision already. My god, that was like being hit by a battering ram. I heard that his specialty is breaking down doors with brute force. I thought this to be ridiculous, but now as I watch the gigantic muscled man strut down the hallway, quickly disappearing, I do believe it. 6'10" killing machine. Ridiculous.

I shake my head again and make my way to the meeting room. Ridgeback is already waiting for me.

______________________________________________________________

Fuck. Shit. Fuck. Verdammt. Ah, des hast du ganz super g'macht.* I tell myself sarcastically in my head as I basically run down the hallway. She must be one of the new hires. Must be. And you almost turned her to mush. Mus. Brei. Human remains splattered against the wall. I curse myself again. I didn't even apologize. "You are tiny." No shit, Sherlock, everybody is tiny compared to you. I continue to mock myself. Fuck, Shit, Fuck.

"Ridge, since when do we hire children?", I ask him as soon as I enter the room. He doesn't even look up. "We don't." He keeps reading. "Then why did I just almost run over a recruit that didn't even reach my waist?" – “Because compared to you, everybody seems tiny.” He sighs and looks up at me. “None of our personnel are under 6’, not even the women.”

“Even the new recruits?”, I ask him again. He furrows his brow. “What did you do, König?”, he wants to now. “I may or may not have almost trampled one of them.”, I say, kleinlaut***. He sighs again. “I think that was Müller, she’s actually on her way here.”, Ridgeback says. “Müller? Is she german?”, I ask in surprise. I didn’t hear such an accent on her, but to be fair, she only said like three words… and I wasn’t really paying attention to her words anyway.

On cue, the door opens and I fall silent. “Permission to enter, Sir?”, she says with a clear voice. Not at all seeming like I almost turned her into pulp. I take two steps back to stand in the back, trying to blend into the wall behind me – which I already know from experience is not going to work. “Come in.”, Ridge says. “Müller, right?” She nods and approaches. My focus is fully on her, all the small bits I noticed about her before are still there. She’s not wearing a mask because it’s not necessary off mission. You know, like you normally would. She has laugh lines. Around her eyes and mouth. Fucking laugh lines. She doesn’t look like she belongs here.

The two of them are talking, but I catch every single time when her gaze lands on me, even if it’s just from the corner of her eyes. I fight against the urge to turn away every time she looks at me, when I hear Ridgeback drop the old s-word. Sniper.

My ears perk up and I finally pay attention to what they’re saying again. “Your track record is almost immaculate, Müller. You’re gonna be an asset to the team on the next missions.”, he says to her. I can see that she tries to hold back a proud expression or smile on her face, but she doesn't really succeed at that. God damn it, a sniper. I groan and make my way to the door which doesn’t go unnoticed. “König.”, Ridgeback pipes up. “You wanna show Müller the way to the dorms?” as I already have my hand on the doorknob.

I still for just a moment and the roaring sensation of anxiety seeps at my feet and crawls up my body until it’s nested at the back of my head. I can’t talk to her. Not after embarrassing myself before. “Nein.”, is all I say before I’m out the door.

*God damnit. You did a really bang up job. ** two different words for pulp/mash *** meekly (word for word: 'smallloud')

[simfinityccfinds]

My Sims 4 Mods Folder in text form.

By SimfintyPlays.

"Ever wonder who meticulously documents every mod in their game? Well, guess what? It's none other than me, Sara – the ultimate perfectionist with no room for glitchy mods. Consider this your go-to mod-slaying guide, not just another mundane list. Below, you'll discover the mod's status (When I mention Mods, I'm referring to gameplay, not cc or custom content) and a direct link to it. I genuinely hope this proves helpful to everyone, and I'll keep updating this document with each patch as best I can"

If you like what I do consider supporting me by subscribing to my YouTube which you can find below:

Important Links:



Let's start by exploring all my mods below 🙂:

KEY:

✓ - New Update Available

X- Broken / Hasn’t Been Updated

✓ (Does not affect the game ) - Pretty simple, no need to update

X / ✓ (unconfirmed) - Again Pretty Simple, The Creator is unsure if it causes issues so use at own risk/ Hasn’t spoken or made a post about their mods.

(The empty Ones are cc! So not mods lol and can be updated with sims4studio using batch fixes. Find the tutorial Here)

Update to Defaults:

Lamatisse Tapicoeyes Default

Lamatisse Tinsel Default Skin

Luumia Skin Vanilla Merged

VP Lush Bra, Boxers, and Panties

CAS MODS:

More CAS Columns ( Weerbesu) ✓

NSW CAS Tuning-Controlled Position MOD (Northern Siberian Winds) ✓

More Traits in CAS (The Pancake 1) ✓

Stand Still In Cas MizoreYukui (Shooksims) ✓

JS Gradual Aging ✓

100 Base Game Trait Pack X / ✓ (unconfirmed)

Kiara’s Traits + Mods X / ✓ (unconfirmed)

CAS HONORABLE MENTIONS:

No EA Eyelashes ✓

CAS Background #6 Oyster by Biancml

Sims 4 Elegant Font Override ✓ (Does not affect the game )

Minimalist Cas Organizer’s ✓ (Does not affect the game )

Ea Teeth Begone (Pyxis) ✓ (Does not affect the game )

BUILD AND BUY MODS:

T.O.O.L MOD (Twisted Mexi) X

BetterBuildBuy (Twisted Mexi) X





ESSENTIAL MODS:

MC Command (Deaderpool) ✓

UI Cheats (Weerbesu) ✓

Gshade - How to Install It Here ✓ (Does not affect the game )

Milk Thistle Lighting Mod (Softerhaze)- How to Install It Here ✓ (Does not affect the game )

No Glo and No Blu (Luumina) ✓ (Does not affect the game )

XML Injector X / ✓ (unconfirmed)

Chalkd UI ✓

FOOD MODS:

Grannie Cookbook and Addons (LBB) ✓ (No Update Needed)

Bulk Download (a bunch of recipes in one file) (LBB)

ROMANCE AND RELATIONSHIP MODS:

Relationship & Pregnancy Overhaul (Lumpinou) X

Realistic Childbirth Mod (PandaSama) ✓ (No Update Needed)

Expanded Pregnancy Options ✓ (No Update Needed)

GAMEPLAY MODS:

First Impression Mod (Lumnipou) ✓ (No Update Needed)

Mood Mod Pack ✓ (No Update Needed)

Talents and Weaknesses ✓ (No Update Needed)

Andirz Smart Sim Randomiser + Smart Shared Core (Required). ✓

DanitySimmer’s Fashion Designer Mod ✓

DISL_Residetal Lots NPC + Brain-blasted injection tools ✓

MapleDaFlap Come Celebrate Mod ✓ (No Update Needed)

Utopya Billard Mod X / ✓ (unconfirmed)

AJJ Cold Drinks ✓ (No Update Needed)

Cry Mod c

Danity Simmer NFL, WNBA, Sports Pie Menu. ✓

LTT’s Gift Override ✓ (No Update Needed)

Midnitetech’s Generic Lot’s Empty No more. ✓ (No Update Needed)

Scumbumbo’s Teleport Any Sim ✓ (No Update Needed)

Tiasha No Random Hair, A New Names For CAS ✓ (Does not affect the game )

Everyday Clutter Kit Becomes Functional ✓ (No Update Needed)

MISSHISSY:

Note;

The following mods will be updated for Lovestruck on Friday but are perfectly okay to use right now, The Creator has listed here their updated mods!

MissyHissy’s Personality Mod

The Custom Wants Mod

The Hobby Mod ✓

Basemental :





Language Barrier Mod:





SIMSREALIST:

Private Practice ✓ (No Update Needed)

Mortem ✓ (No Update Needed)

Flow Fit ✓ (No Update Needed)

Home and Land Company ✓ (No Update Needed)

All In One Download Here

LMS MODS:✓

*This one is so big that I’m just going to link her curse forge and you can copy and paste the names in the search bar* ↘





Find That Here

Auto Employee

Babysitter

Better Homework

Chores

Dogwalker

Entrance Lot Fees

Go for a Walk

Improve Kids Night Light

Improved Yoga Mat

Kids go for a Walk with Dogs

No Work Traditions

School Holiday

Better Nanny

Call to Meal

Live in Business

No Auto Food Grab After Cooking

Personal Objects

Quick Shower, Quick Bath

Sui Sui Weather AppWorking Pet Waterbowl

CARL:

Dineout Reloaded X / ✓ (unconfirmed)

Retail Reloaded X / ✓ (unconfirmed)

LOT51:

BirdLife ✓ (No Update Needed)

Doorbell ✓

Sunrise Alarm Clock ✓ (No Update Needed)





ZERBU;

:Go to School ✓

Custom Venue Changes ✓

Staff Icons ✓

All Worlds Residental ✓

Spawn Refresh ✓





QUALITY OF LIFE MODS:

Map Replacements:

20th Centuary ✓ (Does not affect the game )

Dershayan (Fanart Maps) ✓ (Does not affect the game )

Missing Plumbob (Mint Valintine ) ✓ (Does not affect the game )

Selectable Pets Always X / ✓ (unconfirmed)

Control Any Sim X / ✓ (unconfirmed)

AMELLCE:





Steady Sit Mod X / ✓ (unconfirmed)

Clean House X / ✓ (unconfirmed)

IN-GAME OVERRIDES:

✓ (Does not affect the game )

Kitchen Sponge

Spray Bottle

Folded Shirt

Laundry Pile

Mop Default Replacement

Adoption Carrier

Leash

*most of these can be found in an all-in-one download*

You can Find Them Here

RAVASHEEN MODS:

Easy Peasy Lumen Squeezy Lights (RSVN) X





These Mods Work in my Game and Have Been Updated to the newest patch:

As of 7/27/2024 at 10:23 pm this is the Updated List For working with the current

(Lovestruck Pack) PC: 1.108.335.1020 / Mac: 1.108.335.1220

Find Patch Notes Below:





[mashiraostail]

Hi there, I was wondering if you would write some vlad, Kugo, and hound dog x fem reader with nipple piercings and how you think the guys would feel abt them, if they like them or not and if they play with their nipples more because of it I love your writing btw 🖤

I'm gonna start going through old asks but feel free to send new ones! I have mine done and they certainly slay. I did also spend the past two years getting crazy body mods and making myself unemployable hehehe idk what this phD is even for because I'm big time tatted up.

I wanted to start with my best boys (esp Kugo :3) and some headcanons. I've been rewatching the show which is what made me think abt and miss the blog a little. Idk if the demand for MHA content is still there so I'll probably make an updated post with other shows and media I enjoy (big Bauldr's gate rn!!! yall already KNOW who it is.) NSFW under the cut!

Vlad: *I think he would be the least surprised upon noticing them. He's maybe seen them on other partners, or just is familiar with the concept. *the first time he notices them through your shirt probably went something like this: You're fresh out of the shower, pajamas sticking to your still damp skin as you pop into the kitchen for a drink. The relationship is new, and he's still in awe of you. He's always eyeing you in an appreciative way, especially when you're freshly showered, his eyes climb up your exposed legs shimmering from your body lotion, to your stomach and waist, and of course to your chest. Usually they'll slide up to your shoulders and linger on your neck and the cut of your jaw, but today they stop. Your shirt was smaller than usual, and of course it complimented your chest but there was something else. "What?" You pull the bottle of water away from your lips, "do I have toothpaste on me?" "No." He shakes his head, "no you don't." You cap the bottle and shrug, starting to walk by him, "I'm gonna go watch the-" Before you can get by him he grabs you by your arm, "what is that?" He's looking at your chest again. "My boobs-" "No I know." He looks up at your face, "are those your-" "Oh yea. I guess you've never seen them like this before huh? You can see them through a tight shirt." He's blinking, he's taking it in. All you can do is laugh, "go ahead." "No I'm an adult. I don't need to squeeze-" "It's fine, go ahead." You bridge the short gap between your lips and kiss him, holding him by his jaw and pressing the full weight of your body against his. After the fact he might be slightly apologetic for getting worked up so easily. *H's probably the most delighted by them too. I feel like he's just a horny guy, he's easily worked up, his brain always goes right to the wrong place. *Wearing a baby tee with no bra underneath so he can see them prominently will drive him up a wall. *He might get used to it with time, but all you have to do to hook him in is lean over the table at him, get him to look a little too long and he'll be bent at your will. *He loves them, he loves when you change the jewelry, colorful rhinestones, short chains, or captive hoops are all equally enticing to him. Red is his favorite on you though. *He'll lavish them with attention in bed, especially when he's going down on you, one of his hands is always occupied. If you're especially sensitive you'll need to tell him. *He likes to use his mouth too, the metallic taste on his tongue paired with the taste of your skin is a huge turn on for him.

_________

Kugo: *Most perplexed. He's probably not encountered them before. Show him the ropes, let him know they help rather than hurt and he'll be good. The first time he sees them he's going to have a lot of questions: Honestly, getting into a car and going home with Gang Orca was not necessarily in your plans for the evening. If anyone asked Kugo, taking home a random reporter was also not like him at all, in fact he had never done it. Maybe it wasn't fair to call you random, he had your phone number, you'd met before, you even had a friendly and slightly flirtatious banter. Maybe you had been sending him signals all along, maybe he had failed to pick them up, until now. He doesn't even get the chance to ask you if you're sure about this, if you want to sleep with him, if you'd been hinting at that this whole time, because you're straight to business as soon as his front door closes, climbing him like a tree. He guesses you were sure. Your excitement was contagious, you were handsy and giggly tugging him further into his home. You end up ontop of him, stopping your assault of kisses to sit up around his waist, "hey are you sure you want to..." You trail off, hands at the hem of your shirt, "I won't be offended, I was probably coming on so strong this whole time." You laugh a little but Kugo shakes his head, "take off your shirt." Your sweater flys off, something about the fact you've been bare skinned under that sweater all night makes his stomach warm with arousal. His eyes catch two shiny, metallic adornments. He reaches up instinctively to touch them. One hand still holding your waist. Your gasp makes him pull back. "Sorry does it-" "No it doesn't hurt." You catch his hand before he can pull it away any more, "the opposite." He spends most of your first sexual encounter fixated on them, licking, brushing his fingers over them, squeezing and so on, but you don't mind. *That being said he'll grow to love them as well. *Especially enjoys seeing you touch them in bed. *If you're riding him he won't be able to keep his hands off though. *Doesn't have a preference for jewelry, but if you ask him to pick you out something he'd secretly be delighted, he'd probably pick a barbell with some small charms on the ends, maybe hearts. *Lowkey already a huge boob guy so they just draw more attention to what he likes!

______

Hound Dog: *Mostly indifferent, doesn't get the point. *Until you're fucking, then he gets the point, then he likes them. A lot. *He doesn't avoid them during sex but he doesn't give them special attention either until one specific night: You're in missionary below him, his hands are holding onto your waist as his pace increases from dizzying to bruising. He likes to watch your face, your furrowed brows and the way you draw your lips between your teeth drive him nuts, it's almost impossible to get his eyes off. He'll let his gazy flicker downwards though, he likes your body almost as much as he likes your face, seeing the bounce of your stomach or the way your thighs shake is also rewarding for him. Today he stops on your chest though, bouncing to his almost abusive pace the dim light in the room catches on the jewelry, it's tantalizing, begging to be touched. When he ducks his head down to roll his tongue over one the moan you let out and the way you say his name would have probably made him cream his pants honestly, and the cherry on top is the way you hold the back of his head, practically burying him in your chest. Safe to say he gets the appeal after. *Lowkey likes rings better than barbells, he'll start to gently tug them, enjoying the way it makes you buzz. *Likes to pick jewelry out for you, for all your piercings, wants them all to match!

[nyx-aira]

I guess it's my time to be sappy in the tag (even though I already celebrate Christmas yesterday)

This fandom is such a safe space to me. I've been in many fandoms over the years and I am quick to switch, to loose interest, but Joker Out and Käärijä have stayed with me for most of this year now which is a LONG time for me. And it's not just because of them, because of their music, their interactions and everything they do, but it is also because of you guys.

I didn't have any friends to go to the Käärijä/Joker Out concert with and I met up with some of you and had the time of my life (see you in March again <3). I've never felt such a sense of community and an emotional connection with people I interact with. Thank you.

All of my mutuals, all the people I interact with, be it here on tumblr or anyway else in the fandom, you are the sweetest guys ever. When I went through my Christmas Tree I was really touched by your messages become I didn't expect them or SO MANY of them. Really, you are the best.

And not to forget the INSANE TALENT people have in this fandom. The fan artists, the writers, the editors and also those who keep us fed with content, with updates, with translations. You are doing an amazing job and you shape the fandom in such a positive way, so again: THANK YOU <3

I'll stop with my ramblings now, wishing you a Merry Christmas if you celebrate and I can't wait what will wait for us in the new year :)

Hvala, kiitos, thank you baby boos and kääryleet <3

[akuma-tenshi]

list of expectations for the upcoming dev conference / livestream bc i can't sleep:

- anniversary news is almost guaranteed. batter will likely be getting one of the s-tiers, but it's not confirmed if it'll be in the shop or the essence. this may also be when undead gets his new skin, but i'm much less confident on that. four skins will be revealed: the s- and a-tiers from the essence, and the s-tier that'll be in the shop. the corresponding event will also be teased / discussed.

- once / backdrift and ivory tower skin news. definitely one once skin and at least one ivory tower skin (possibly two). this could be when we get the hunter ivory tower skin that was announced forever ago.

- no new character news. sorry, but they already have two characters waiting to be released (as i believe faro lady will already be available in-game by the date the livestream is planned for), and adding a third while giving nothing on the two already revealed would just overhype fans. if they do, for some reason, reveal a new character, it will likely be the acrobat identity switch they've been teasing lately.

- speaking of new characters, i highly doubt goatman's essence will be revealed; it's too early in the season to reveal the third essence. again, any essence news will likely be tied to the anniversary. i'd be happy to be proven wrong, though.

- we'll probably be getting news on collabs. my safest bet is news on the collaboration with the arthur conan doyle estate, which will reveal the skins (and other in-game content) we'll be getting; novelist is almost definitely getting a skin. it feels a bit early to reveal news on the return of the persona 5 collab, but it's possible. other new collabs could be revealed too.

- no logic path, coa, deduction star, nymph awards, or rank accessory news. it's too early in the season for lp and accessory news, and FAR too early in the year for ds, nymph, and coa news. if you want an estimation on those last three: october at the earliest for ds news, november for nymph, and december for coa. i can't give an estimate on lp or accessories as those vary depending on when the current season ends.

- new maps, gamemodes, story updates, etc. will at least be touched on. my best guess is a possible release date for mercenary's diaries and an update on the murder mystery gamemode that was revealed during coa7.

- a new truth & inference offline package is possible but i wouldn't hold my breath considering that we got wu chang's relatively recently.

- possible news on the idv-es skins, either an in-game showcase or a reveal of their hunter. i'm hoping they clear up the confusion around the designs because a lot of us are still a little unsure about them, especially naib's.

- news on the "mysterious event" announced on the june calendar, if it isn't covered by any of the above points.

and that's about it!! this is mostly based on my own experience waking up far too early to catch these streams (haven't missed a single one since i learned about 'em lmao) and what i've come to expect from them. i may be completely off the mark here but it's what i know of these streams. i may end up liveblogging these announcements; i'll make a sideblog for it and if you want to hear about the news right after it's revealed, feel free to follow me there!! ((i'll make a promo post for it dw))

[imagineitdearies-old]

do you have any fav fics right now?

Hey anon! I have been taking a bit of a back seat on writing, so BOY do I have a ton of fics to recommend. I'm guessing you might be looking specifically for lucemond? I'll try to rec mostly that, though a few rhaenicent might slip in too 😁

(note some of these have dark content, please as always read the tags!)

(K)not me by Avonne - as always, @avonneslovelies delivers the perfect twisted combo of steaming hot smut and an emotionally-conflicted, hard-but-actually-soft Aemond. Can’t wait for future updates, but it stops in a good place to read like a one-shot!

as if you were a mythical thing by greynovembers - Lucerys as a sacrificial offering to god!Aemond? I will read this premise a million times, but this one-shot is probably my favorite rendition so far of this pairing.

prisoners of war; me and you and our baggage by @glaciya - have I recommended this before? Yes, yes I have. But now there are two more chapters!! If you aren't following this sweet amnesiac-fisherman!Lucerys fic, you are losing out.

Blood Ties by vishini - Relatively new, and yet the best omega!Aemond I've ever read?? A lovely remix of the usual 'Lucerys locked up and married off to Aemond during or post-Dance' where it's Aemond locked up, but the arranged marriage happened a long time ago pre-Dance. Regularly getting updated too, so anyone who likes omega!Aemond--READ THIS!!!

Real gods require blood by maya28 - (edit) I can’t believe I forgot to include this one—speaking of ‘Lucerys locked up during or post-Dance’ here is my new favorite for this trope. Possibly will surpass anything else at this rate it’s THAT good in writing style, characterization, and plot (not to mention the smut gahhhhhh), and it’s regularly updating! Pleeaaaase everyone read this.

hamartia by hypothesistest @goodbadbaby - Another omega!Aemond (and finished), but modern and full of catholic guilt. Chef's kiss!

tonight I'm gonna cut it out and restart by alphayamergo - Okay, so it's rhaenicent, but surprisingly in Otto's POV and I still loved it. That tells you how well this cute, hilarious one-shot is written, lol.

the loving needs the bleeding by monkkeyslut - Both rhaenicent and lucemond, modern horror inspired by the show 'Midnight Mass' and written by monkkeyslut so of course I just had to read it.

Nekonarashi by @chibifier - Filthy, noncon but also kind of funny??? Idk man, all I can say is this: Lucerys wearing cat ears & tail + Aemond in a business suit = yes

Nobody Nothing Nowhere by hypothesistest - definitely the darkest thing I've read in a while....I almost hesitate to flat out recommend it, even though it's written beautifully. All I can say is that the ending is SO satisfying and if you can handle a lot of sad underage/noncon content, the catharsis of the last chapter is more than a fic has made me feel in a while.

If you read any of these, remember to give the authors some love :) it's the biggest contribution we readers can make to keep this fandom going!!

[izayoichan]

The future of this blog, kinda part two? (sorry for the wall of text.. again!) It's been a lot of trying to find the love for sims again for me, trying to find the fun. But I have come to the conclusion, that right now, it just is not. I have not uppdated, opened, touched the for anything but taking a couple of screenshots because I comissioned poses so I wanted to use them, or I just felt (stupidly I guess) that I had to so this blog had sims content. That is what this blog is to me, its linked with sims, the story I started creating with them, and friends that also love sims. But like mentioned, for me the fun of sims is gone. (Thank you EA, for constantly making sims worse and worse and boring to the point where it's for me just not worth spending energy on). So I will from tomorrow let what I have left of the story that's already written post twice a day until it's done. I will at the same time share all the last sims screenshots I have lying around that I have kept to myself because spoilers and me having the need to be a little secrety, and when that is all posted and ended, I will make a post with a new blog, a new start for me to find my fun again. I don't want to delete what is here, because I am actually proud of it, that I managed to share and write a story for the first time. So instead I am making a new blog, where I will post random screenshots, random things I find, reblog more stuff that I find pretty and so on. I am working on going back to streaming for fun as well, but that will take time and some effort as I want certain things, and I want to do them right and properly. (Live 2d avatars are not easy, cheap or fast to have done!) So the progress on that might be on my new blog as well, and maybe when time comes, I will have clips of sillness and me grumbling and cursing the game while I once more fail miserably at Elden Ring. Yes, I will still follow a lot of the same people, because although my relationship with sims is (for now) at an end, I still love your stories, and your little pixel figures. I am not breaking away from that, I am breaking away from my own stuff. Do I feel like I let people down, a little, but I know that's just how my brain works and that this is doing what is best for me outweighs that worry. (specially after talking to some people about it for some input, and them saying I should do what it best for me. See I am listening!) A little health update at the end, for those interrested: I am slowly doing better, new doctor and new scans have brought more understanding, more peace of mind, and I am back on most of my pain meds, which means my body is slowly stabalizing into a new place. Not quite as good as I was before "hell year" started, but also not as bad as I have been. I'll take every step in the right direction with a big smile on my face.

So for now, enjoy the sims content that will come. And when the time comes, perhaps I will be seeing a lot of you on the new page as well!

[honeyhotteoks]

🌟 a quick little announcement / ask from me --

i really, really appreciate all the positive reception my fics have gotten over the past year+ of me publishing.... but i've gotten a lot of anon messages recently that i just want to address without singling anyone out.

recently i've been getting a lot of anon messages asking when i'm going to be updating fic, posting new fic, going back to aurora, etc. or asking again when i'll be back on a regular posting schedule. typically i'll answer the nicest anon with something like "soon i promise!" etc., but many of these i just delete because.... i just cannot physically answer them all. but at this point i just think i need to make a little blanket statement. the answer to when am i going to post is "when i write it" - at this point that's really the best answer i can give. i had a posting schedule for aurora but that's because most of it was written in advance, but i do not have a posting schedule as a writer in general. i don't mean to be quite so blunt, but usually if i don't post for a week or a little over a week i get flooded with these messages, some of which go so far as to ask why i'm not posting more altogether. i really don't mean to be mean or harsh at all, but the answer just is that i have no idea. i try to be really open and transparent with y'all, but the issue boils down to the fact that i just don't write as much as i used to, but there's a reason for that and i think i should be honest about why. when i got into ateez last year, i was in the downswing of a major depressive episode. i clung to them and my imaginary little world really fucking hard just to get through that, but it led to me writing a metric fuckton and posting tons of content almost weekly. in the past year i've been pulling myself out of that headspace and to be honest, i'm feeling MUCH much better and much less dependent on ateez. to be clear, they are still a huge part of my life and my everyday, but i'm no longer using them to get by and ultimately it just leaves me writing less frequently. that combined with a career change that leaves me working 50+ hours a week, having a healthy relationship with my partner, seeing friends, and most recently moving apartments, it just leaves me writing in what small pockets i have left. i personally put a lot of pressure on myself to write more and write faster, but sometimes i'll sit down to write and physically just can't do it because i'm making it into this big thing in my head. getting so many messages asking me when i'm posting and why i'm not posting more really just makes that pressure and guilt balloon in my mind. i know these questions are coming from a good place, but with the way my brain works it sometimes leaves me feeling bad and guilty. i guess this is all to say..... please understand that while i want to write more and write faster, i'm in a very different place in my life now than when i was writing aurora. please understand that i am just not able to publish at that speed or quantity anymore, and i've been feeling terrible about needing to make this kind of announcement because i know it's disappointing. but honestly.... i'm proud of the work i've done in the past year and i'm so happy i'm not feeling quite so bad anymore, and while i want to write more, i wouldn't trade it. so i just want to ask for your patience and your kindness on this one, i really am just doing the best that i can. please keep messaging me, please keep interacting and talking about fic, that makes me so excited to write! i love talking about my characters and writing and ateez in general, it's SO fun - but the asks i get on a weekly basis that seem irritated with me have to stop, i can only do so much for so long and if i had stayed at that pace i would have burned myself out completely. thank you all so much for reading and for respecting this, i honestly love this little fic community so much which is why i feel like i can be honest about this. i have a lot of fic plans and a lot working, but for now, i really don't know when i'll publish what. what i can promise is that i'm always writing, even in small ways. so more tnt is coming, more aurora, more one-shots, etc. i just can't promise much more right now. thank you again, i love you all. 

[unperceivable-future]

Narcissus [Chapter 1/?]

Hawks/Keigo Takami x Reader

Content warning: My own take on the Hanahaki Disease. English is not my best language. Foul language. Angst. May not feel like a Reader-insert considering that Reader has a given quirk and other parameters (except for appearances) [I'll be updating the list as I go]

Synopsis: In a world where humans have further evolved into having redundant traits, you are simply trying to survive life while assisting the Winged Hero.

Note: I did not expect comments and got a bit jumpscared lmao 💀 I absolutely have no clue how this story pans out. I'm just here to write a bit of angst and geek out. A part of me does feel bad that the MC has a bit of a character and backstory and not a super blank slate but I also enjoy having a certain dynamic between Hawks and MC. There is a bit of a projection here unfortunately.

0 1...

===============

You bite back a snort when Hawks' eyes widen at the statistics in front of him.

"Oh shit, that's actually quite a lot." He mumbles under his breath as he reads through the financial report.

"Are you...are you sure these are all for me?" He turns to you, baffled at the numbers. 

"Seems like it, they're all your fans." You shrug in amusement.

"Sucks to be popular huh." One of Hawks' veteran sidekicks chimes in.

The last Thursday of the month is often when the revenue comes in. When Hawks' agency is paid for all the hero work Hawks and his sidekicks have pulled through. Next day is when salary is distributed amongst the staff and...

Monday, first Monday of the new month is when a portion of the revenue is put through a charity system that helps people get their surgery to remove any traces of Hanahaki illness that's caused by Hawks' pretty existence.

The system is rather intricate, involving psych doctors that quite literally use their quirks in determining who is the cause of such a flowery mess of a disease to approve such financial aid.

"I told you to not drink your ass off this weekend." You taunt your boss who cradles his head in his palms.

This always happens. Hawks does something big, makes a grand appearance in the public doing cool heroic villain take downs then do a bit of fan service and celebrate the big victory with his office staff and sidekicks on the weekend then get a bit wasted and regret it by Monday morning as his popularity comes biting him back on his ass.

Normally he gets away from financial punches such as these by rapidly taking down villains without a lot of the public spectating him, his sidekicks barraging in the scene for clean up as he moves to the next villain. That also means less people seeing him and getting the idea that wow, this man is GREAT! Let me just fall in love with him real quick!

But as of late, he has been making a lot of appearances as more daring villains show up and take up his time, attracting viewers and all the shebang. Then added by a little bit of misfortune where he gets invited into interviews he could not turn down since...well, they produce revenues and good public image and that money goes to bettering the agency and of course, goes to helping his unfortunate fans that catch feelings like it's the flu in winter seasons.

It is a balance, really, Hawks is a big believer that a hero's presence itself should be able to put citizens at ease but it does come with a price and in this case, a fairly hefty one.

"Pidge?" Hawks calls you out and you can already guess what he's about to ask of you.

"Yes?"

"Two shots of espresso, please."

"Right on it." You turn to his sidekicks who are fighting back their snickers as they look at the PowerPoint presentation of last month's damages caused by your boss' presence.

"You guys want anything while I'm at it?" You ask them, knowing damn well that they are also fighting a hangover from the weekend's shenanigans.

"Water."

"Coffee."

"More alcohol?" Everybody turns their heads to the youngest and newest sidekick.

"Take it from us, kid, more alcohol doesn't actually get rid of hangovers. It just delays the inevitable." Hawks advises, finally lifting his face from his hands.

"I think it's also worth pointing out that you're on the clock...?" You point flabbergasted at the rather ballsy request.

"Okay, wow, geez I guess I'll just have orange juice then. Damn." The newest recruit mumbles sarcastically, his youthful humour finally coming out of his shy shell.

"Good. Now let's discuss about this month's patrol route." Hawks sighs and clicks for the next slide to continue the monthly briefing and you make your way to the cafeteria to grab the heroes' beverages.

Working with Hawks, after proving yourself by sorting out the administrative side of his business and in turn saving his then crumbling sanity, is not actually that bad. He is chill when the day is chill, he keeps his cool even when the day goes wrong and he learned to stop micromanaging everything and learned to trust that his employees will be able to keep up and keep the system up and running. Over the years, he found the perfect momentum along with his team and knows when a mishap is a mishap and when to actually let go of someone because they are ruining the equilibrium.

He always claims that it was all you, that how you helped set up his office and all the admin side of things is what eased his mind. You personally think that he simply matured and let go of his overly-independent personality.

It made an unlikely partnership between the two of you where there is mutual respect but not in a way that you respect Hawks because he is your boss then he treats you with bare minimum kind of respect because you did things for him through beck and call. It was mutual respect where you both actually work in tandem and you get the perks of calling him out when needed and him being able to actually have someone who does not put him up a pedestal and inflate his head, something like a friend even.

"How was patrol?" You ask, munching on your lunch. Hawks and his sidekicks have just come back from their afternoon patrol just in time while you're on your lunch break, his sidekicks heading to the cafeteria to get something to eat.

"It was hot outside." Hawks yawns and stretches his wings. You hum in response when your phone vibrates.

"Who?" He leans curiously when he notices you tapping on your device singlehandedly.

"Some dude I matched with." You respond nonchalantly, typing up a response as to why you were not in a rush in meeting this man you have been chatting with for the past three days.

"Don't you think you're rebounding too quickly?" Hawks asks.

It was an embarrassing ordeal, having gone through a cordial break up with your partner of one year only to call in sick as you sneeze and cough up petals of lilies. The painful realisation that your ex-partner has moved on quicker than you could when they started to discuss about healthily distancing and setting up boundaries in order to salvage some semblance of friendship. Embarrassing and a punch to the ego, you suppose even when they claimed that they occasionally cough up petals that look eerily similar to the first ever flower they have given to you.

"If I drown myself with men, there's nothing deep to feel." You try to make yourself sound poetic which earns you a snort from the winged hero.

"Yeah and you're probably causing these men to throw up flowers because you've been turning down the second dates." He points out.

"They don't know me well enough to cough up anything." You retort, setting your phone down.

Despite the gruesome and useless trait of coughing up flowers whenever you feel some semblance of unrequited love or care (or when the parameters dwindle and become unresolved), it is quite merciful that such illness only manifests when you feel strongly about it. Maybe it is the self-limiting nature of evolution, that no matter how crazy the body can behave it will always loop back to the baseline so that a petty crush does not decimate your lungs. Biology sure does work in mysterious ways but you would like to thank whoever is out there for making the Hanahaki Disease to follow a negative feedback loop rather than a positive one.

You let out a sneeze, covering your nose and mouth when you feel something lodged in your throat. You get up and leave the lounging area in a hurry, Hawks shooting you a concerned look knowing for a fact that you have not yet gotten over your ex.

It happens, people fall in love and when it goes both ways they do not fall sick. Sometimes people start getting sick even when they are in a relationship, a symptom that their union is tilting to its end. Other times when people feel so unhappy about the circumstances of their dynamic with their partner, they cough up petals as if a warning sign that the couple better start sorting themselves out.

Scientists believe that the social nature of humans is what caused such an evolutionary trait, that with a good and stable union leads to good offsprings eventually. This makes sense, really, because better offsprings are produced from compatible parents. You could imagine how much less generational trauma there should be if your parents got along well.

Others believe that someone or something out there is playing matchmaker, theists and those who believe in fate and destiny. But regardless, the truth remains that the illness seems to exist to supposedly benefit the social personality of Homo sapiens. The tribe is stronger in numbers and when there is less conflict, after all.

Though the whole ordeal is a little bit dramatic, you won't lie. It's not like people are stupid enough with their emotions that they need to cough up a whole ass lily just to remind them hey! You got an unsorted out feelings for this person! Get your shit together, dude! But you digress, sighing as you hack out yet another petal of lily---a sore reminder that a cordial break up will always leave lingering and unresolved feelings at first.

[fountainpenguin]

Minor Fanfic Updates

- I'm slowing Life of a Loser's posting schedule down to just Wednesdays and Saturdays [my time zone] instead of every other day. An update will go out Thursday so the end note can inform readers of its schedule change, and the next one will be Saturday.

-> Update schedule was so frequent because I didn't see the point in holding out too long when the whole 'fic is already up on FFN (and I'm not familiar with best schedule for chapters that average 3k words or less, and this 'fic is summer vibes so I didn't want to take forever), but I do think the every other day schedule is overwhelming. Slowing down is smart.

- I have several Hermitcraft-themed 'fics in the anonymous Guess the Authors collection that will have authors revealed on Monday. I spoke more about what that means for subscription emails and plans HERE.

- Updated my Pinned Post to include a What's Going On? section. I added the FOP 'Fics page link, the MCYT 'Fics page link is there but currently unlinked, and I updated my Currently Updating section.

-> You can check that any time you want to see the update schedules for my current projects.

- I've been making Frayed Knots progress, but it's still slow (I have a big, personal thing happening IRL that takes lots of my attention; everything I've been updating throughout the summer is stuff I'd prepped in advance).

-> I was hoping to post consistently in June or July, but I think sometime in August/September is more likely, as I would rather have multiple chapters on hand before I post. My big thing ends early August, so I'll be able to give more attention to writing new content then.

- I've been thinking of finishing Come What May before posting more Frayed Knots. It has 6 chapters left and then I can finally wipe my hands of it after starting it in 2018. I'd love to finish it before 2025. Thank you to everyone for being patient with it!

- I recently added new headers to Dog's Life, Origin of the Pixies, and Frayed Knots that include links to their chapter-by-chapter recap info, so that's there for anyone who wants a recap guide as they go. I've prepped a more detailed recap for the next Frayed Knots chapter that recounts what's happened thus far in Act 3 since it was on hiatus a long time.

- Drafted a series page for my MCYT 'fics (similar to my 130 Series Table of Contents page). It will be up on Monday after Guess the Author is revealed. The purpose of this page:

-> To be linked in my Pinned Post for easy access to people browsing my Tumblr (as previously my only AO3 link there was my multifandom Personal Faves list)

-> Help people see what I write and direct them to series so they can customize the content they receive AO3 emails for

-> I was linking to every other series on my individual MCYT series pages, and there are a lot of them. Every time I added a new series, I had to edit every series page and it got annoying. I'm planning to redirect people to the Tumblr page for series info, which mirrors my current set-up with the 130 series (as of my recent footer update).

-> After the author reveal on Monday, I'm going to update the footers for all my MCYT 'fics (as they are currently inconsistent) to link to this page. I'm working on some more detailed descriptions for series content as well, which will also be linked there to help people decide if they're interested in reading.

- Factor It In still on hiatus for now. I was hoping to update it again in August, but my IRL busy-ness has slowed my ability to get Frayed Knots up. Factor It In is not abandoned; just paused while I work on a 'fic that's older.

-> /cry smile as I think about how Frayed Knots is only one year older than Factor despite them being posted online 6 years apart

-> I promise I have not lost interest in Factor, lol... It's my baby, but it's also my middle grade-adjacent style experiment and it's important to me that it feels a certain way, so I don't want to rush it.

-> Might finish some little WordGirl one-shots I have sitting around, though. They've been sitting with me since 2018... I've just been nervous to post them because. idk. Feelings about them.

- I have been sitting on a far-future Inside Out draft since the movie came out, and now that Inside Out 2 is out (it was lovely! Seeing it a second time today with family), I'm tempted to finish it... You might see that or maybe you won't.

-> It's about the inherent awkwardness of trying to control a body and flirt with another's emotions you know exist but will never meet, especially if you yourself are an emotion and aren't getting the physical sensations that other parts of the body are :') Anxiety and Ennui also getting dropped in my lap, my beloved...

All righty! Thanks for reading my work!

[choutenyuki-chan]

INTRO!!!

This will hopefully be the first and last time I break character on either of my NSO blogs, but I felt it was necessary to post a real intro considering the things that will be posted on this account.

(TL;DR @ the bottom)

DISCLAIMER!!!

These blogs were created with the purpose of being a creative outlet for my trauma and mental illness. This means that some of the content on this page might be unpleasant for some people. If that's the case, don't view my blog.

To start things off...

16+ only, please. I want to create a safe space for as many people as I can, but I don't want to be responsible for influencing any kids into doing any of the things I speak about.

For anonymity, I'm not going to tell you my actual name, so please just call me Kangel or Ame, depending on the blog you are viewing.

I will do my best to always tag any possible triggers on my heavier posts, so please correct me if I miss a tag or incorrectly tag something.

TRIGGER WARNINGS!!

As I just mentioned, there will be a lot of triggering things posted on both of these blogs. Because of that, I'd like to compile what will be the most common trigger warnings to look out for on this page (will be updated as I post to remain accurate)

Mentions of grooming

Mentions of past trauma

Neglect

Fear of abandonment

Long rambles during panic attacks

Addiction

Abuse/toxic relationships

Intrusive thoughts

Self-harm

Mentions of suicidality

A Bit About Me

I like Jirai and the message it sends as it's something I heavily relate to. I don't have any jirai clothing yet, but I'm saving to buy my first item asap! I also really like vocaloid, visual kei, breakcore, and honestly most kinds of music haha.

If you couldn't guess, I really like NSO. The kind of person Ame-chan is really spoke to me. I've always wanted to take on a new persona online, and what better way than a Kangel blog! I'll speak a little more on the roles of each blog later, tho <3

I really like RPGs like Persona and Final Fantasy as I grew up playing both. They're both really comforting games for me.

I suspect I have Autism and either BPD or bipolar. I'm in the process of trying to find a psychologist to get an assessment and confirm my suspicions, but it's hard to find anyone where I live.

The Kangel blog!

This blog is where I'll post my lighter content. It's my distraction from my actual life and is mainly here for me to pretend I'm someone else. This means that while I'm on the Kangel blog, I'll do things like write in American-English as it's another layer of disconnect from my real life.

There will be much less triggering content on this blog, but there will be an occasional vent post, but that will likely be written in the style of the in-game vent streams and tweets. That means it will likely be a bit dramatised to sound entertaining. Those posts will still have tagged TWs regardless.

The Ame-Chan blog!

This blog is like the priv Twitter account that Ame has in-game. Darker posts will go here, and almost everything will be a vent of some kind. If I feel it's necessary, I will also add a 'check the tags' disclaimer at the beginning of the post so you can decide whether you're in the right headspace to read that post. This is essentially my diary tho and sometimes I just might not add tags. I'll always do my best tho.

This blog is essentially a public diary, which means there will be a lot of in-depth description of my current state and any retelling of past trauma. "Traumadumping" about my childhood will be kept at a minimum though.

This also means that I will occasionally post about dreams I have. I rarely have good dreams, and they're almost always some kind of dream relating to trauma. These normally have a different list of TWs to look out for (including the original list).

I will list those below:

Kidnapping

SA (sometimes explicit, but I will likely never go into those details unless I found it particularly distressing. Those will always be under different tags, though)

Running away/homelessness

Survival game type plot

Physical abandonment

Murder

There will likely be more added as this account develops.

Both blogs, but primarily the Ame one, will occasionally mention a P-Chan. This refers to two different people, but I'll never disclose which is which. This is mostly for privacy.

P-Chan 1 refers to a real-life person I know and have a semi-toxic friendship with. If I succumb to the BPD allegations, I'd assume they're my 'favourite person'.

P-Chan 2 is fake. They don't exist. They're a character in my head who is my ideal person. They exist so that I have someone to project my unhealthy obsession onto instead of the real P-Chan. This often also means posting the intrusive thoughts I have around P-Chan.

OUTRO!!!

I tried to keep this short while having as much info about this page as needed. I hope this can be a safe space for anyone who relates to me and wants to get to know me. I'm always open to making new friends <33

TL;DR

Mentally ill girl creates blogs to ignore her problems and vent while staying as anonymous as she can. Triggering posts galore, but it will be tagged to the best of her ability.

[midnight-in-town]

Out of all the mangas that u read , analyse and post for, whice one is your favorite?

Hey Anon! Aww, I love so many of them for so many reasons, I am not sure how to answer you... The thing is, I don't necessarily post about series for the same reasons!

Of course #theories is my absolute love in life (like, when doing a secret santa at work, I'll additionnally try to discover who is supposed to give a gift to whom, by collecting clues from what they say and do. If I find out the truth, the person whose secret I discovered is supposed to buy my coffee or breakfast xD And trust me it's ten times funnier when everyone starts doing the same thing because it creates absolute chaos in which everyone tries to send the others on the wrong trail by giving wrong hints, so when the day of the gifts comes everyone at work's like "aahhhhhhh it was youuuu". Very funny, I always have a blast), but fandom's size can factor into how much I'll write about a series.

For example, Majo to Yajuu and Witch Hat Atelier are both great stories with small fandoms here (less than 10 people in it for MTJ), so I like writing regularly about these series to create more content for the fandom!

For the opposite reason, and because the pace slowed down a bit, I don't write a lot about Akatsuki no Yona, despite following the chapters' release every 2 weeks or so. Another example is Berserk, my favorite series ever, but which has a very intense, well informed fanbase on a dedicated forum with a lot of interesting content: so I don't mind answering questions, but I don't necessarily have a lot to write about Berserk despite loving it so much, because almost everything has been said already!

I loved talking about Gangsta. but it's on hiatus; same for Tokyo Ghoul but it's over. I enjoy writing about Spy x Family because I think a good part of the fandom is confusing the currently happy-go-lucky vibes of the series with the real, more subtle and darker tone of the themes and plot and it's nice to see hints of this every now and then.

Finally, I absolutely love discussing about Ao no Exorcist and Kuroshitsuji, which I have been following about 12 years now in both cases, because:

Ao no Exorcist is currently the best on-going typical shonen series for me (tho' I might change my mind a bit once I finally catch up with One Piece, I'm on the beginning of the Dressrosa saga) and I can't wait to see how it all unfolds. It's really one of the few series in which I have absolute trust into Kato-sensei and she can prove me right or wrong any time she wants.

For Kuroshitsuji, I think that, aside from new chapters, I've addressed over 98% of anything ever happening in the series, related or not to the main plot and to the circumstances of the Phantomhive family and I now am waiting patiently (very patiently) for all the answers, updating my very old theories with more hints when I can.

To tell the truth, on the matter of Kuroshitsuji, no offense to anyone, but I feel similarly to the admins from the Skullknight forum for Berserk: I've read each chapter maybe a hundred times at least over the years so I think that, today, I have one of the most objective and informed eye about the series across all of the internet. That doesn't mean that my theories are right, just that I know the canon series better than most of the fandom.

To conclude, I do not have one fave series that I post theories about, I have many, but I'd say that blogging about Kuroshitsuji is one of the most enjoyable experience I have on this site because, over the years, my blog has accumulated a lot of analyses (written by me for a good chunk of it or that I reblogged from other dedicated fans) that cover probably every aspect of the series and can be used to understand the themes, plot and characters of this series, as well as to try guessing what will happen next. It’s like a massive database of theories, very useful for the current arc and for the answers to come. :)

I hope that answers your question! Have a good weekend :))