#i had this shit locked up in my subconscious for 6 years please cut me some slack

[trangenderstan]

Uhhhfhhfhfhf im having thoughts. Thoughts are in my brain. They're in there and i hate it. Stan Pines my beloved.

It's so sad to me that Stanley genuinely hoped that Ford would come out of that portal and everything would be ok??? Like. Of course he did but also it was that kind of... Blind hope that was just. "If this doesn't happen i don't know what i'm gonna do with myself" and its. SO SAD??? TO ME??????

The "Dead End Flats" was Stanley's address on the postcard. Dead end means a situation with no exit. And i strongly believe that this, with Stanley's blank stare as he's sitting in the crappy motel room, Rico's goons on his tail is an allusion to suicide. Just like being pushed into the portal saved Ford from Bill in some capacity, having a goal of bringing Ford back saved Stan from offing himself

Why are people not talking about his mindscape more? Like. It's hideous. Piles of memories just stacked on top of each other with no order or anything, traumatic ones probably buried as far as they could go. And the fact that it's all grey and consumed by fog even BEFORE the memory gun?

Speaking of the memory gun, everyone already talked about this but... Reliving 57 years worth of memories, for most of which you were going by fake names, scamming people, being hunted down or spending your time in utter loneliness is. Traumatizing? In it's own way? I'm a strong advocate for the theory that by the end of the summer Stanley recovered only the good parts, aka his childhood and the kids

Something i'm seeing getting explored from time to time is that Stan never was a good person. And i mean this in the nicest way possible. There's evidence of him getting tested for mental illness during his teenage years, he's rude and hostile towards everyone in Lost Legends, he's talking about how he punched people for no reason in the secret commentary track. He was also incredibly lonely. Especially as Ford started to drift away

And it was all a self-fulfilling prophecy really. He was a troubled kid with problems and mental health issues, which were made worse by his father and eventually reached the point of no return. Someone get this man some help and so many hugs

Am i the only one who noticed how much more open he became after Ford came back? He's joining kids on their adventures, he's becoming a more and more integral part of the plot until the grand finale where he's literally the focus. It's genus. To make an almost secondary character the main fucking plotpoint and doing so smoothly???? Genius shit.

I have. Feelings.

[justimagineitblog]

“You Used To Love Me”: Michael Gray Fan Fiction - Chapter 1

A/N: Please enjoy getting caught up in this love story :) 

Like / reblog and let me know if you would like to be added to a tag list for the next chapters to come .... 

thankyou my loves and don’t fook with the peaky blinders! ;) xx

It’s the usual smog and cold air as I make my way down town, dirt and gravel roads crunching beneath my heels. Mostly, I concentrate on trying not to lose my footing and dodging the young boys who are playing tag in the street. But there’s a very small, tucked away portion of my brain who is constantly, subconsciously, thinking about him. Michael Gray. Even though its months since the day he left, months since I’ve seen or heard from him, it still feels strange to walk these streets without his hand locked firmly with mine. These days I just bury my hands deep in my coat pockets, trying to distract myself from how empty they feel. And from how fucking cold it is.

I round the last corner, away from the houses and straight into the Main Street. Busy and bustling with people leaving and entering businesses, horse and cart, cars all adding to the noise. In a crowd of people, a familiar face sticks out.

Polly Gray. Standing outside of the train station. A smile falls over my face immediately upon spotting her. If there’s one woman I love like my own mother, it’s Polly Gray. When Michael and I began dating and he first brought me home to his family, Polly opened her arms to me like she’d known me her whole life. Like I was already Michael’s wife. They all did.

But when Michael left for America, he didn’t just cut of communication with me. He cut of communication with everyone. Even his own family. The only way we knew he was still alive was through the rest of the staff Shelby Limited has in America. Apart from that, Michael may as well have been dead. Or at least we were, to him. Despite this, Polly and the Shelby’s didn’t just cast me off like I was a dead weight. Like an extra person that they didn’t need the burden of hanging around. Once you’re in the Shelby family, you’re in for life. I still work at the pub for Tommy. Still come around every Sunday for roast. And I know part of it is the guilt that Polly feels for what her son did to me. To us. To our love. But I know she genuinely loves me, too.

Only a few meters away from her now, I call out to her, waving my hand.

She turns towards my voice with a smile, but the moment her eyes fall over me, it disappears.

“Isabelle, my darling…” she greets me with a smile that just doesn’t seem… right “What are you doing here?”

I furrow my brows “Well I could ask you the same thing, standing outside the train station of all places” I chuckle softly but she just gives me that same, nervous smile.

“Poll, what’s wrong?” I look around suspiciously, for someone who might be causing her to act like this “Is there someone here that shouldn’t be?” It’s a rare occasion that Polly Gray acts anything but confident and calm.

When I look back to her for an answer, she just stutters. Glancing between me and the entry to the station anxiously, she shakes her head.

“Um, now isn’t the time darling, maybe you should go-“

But before I can even figure out what on earth has got her acting this way, the answer to my question walks out of the station lobby and into the street.

Michael.

Suddenly, the obnoxiously loud street becomes muffled, everything sounds like I’m listening from underwater.

Once our eyes lock, he freezes in his tracks, like someone hit the pause button and now all either of us can do is stare at one another.

“Shit” I hear Polly hiss under her breath beside me.

6 months. 6 months of nothing. No calls. No letters. No explanation. 6 months of anticipation. Crying myself to sleep. Making myself sick with worry. Wondering if he ever loved me at all. And how he could just leave me like this. Did he feel bad at all? 6 months has all come down to this moment. And here he stands. Alive and well. A little older. A little more well dressed. And perfectly fine.

Michael.

Acutely aware of my pounding heart, my breath begins to quicken too, my chest rising and falling rapidly beneath my dress.

And if my complete shock or lack of oxygen hasn’t made me completely delusional, I begin to see the smallest hint of something in his eyes. Like a flicker of light through a crack in a concrete wall. It’s gentle. Warm. Hopeful. Is it a smile? Or… love?

“Michael, baby?” A heavily accented woman’s voice cuts through the heavy air around us like a knife.

And just as fleetingly as the look came, it is whisked away. Before I got a chance to read what he’s even thinking after seeing me, the girl he was supposed to be in love with, for the first time in 6 months, the page was ripped away.

It’s replaced by a cold, empty stare and it soon dawns on me why. The heavily accented voice calling his name belongs to someone. Arrogant and proud, she strolls out into the side walk and straight to Michael, placing a possessive hand on his shoulder.

Like watching a car accident, in which my heart is the car and every moment that follows is another piling up on top of it, I can’t look away.

She’s tall, slender, blonde. And she leans into Michael, pressing her red lips against his cheek. The cheek that I used to kiss like that. Leaving a faint lip stick stain like I used to.

My eyes lock with Michaels and again I find another hidden message behind them. Does he look… guilty?

“Baby?” The American demands, her sharp and commanding voice finally snapping us both out of our trance.

“Yes honey, sorry” Michael apologises quickly, dragging his eyes away from mine as he turns to the woman with a smile on his face.

“Well aren’t you going to introduce me?” She chuckles, with a hint of irritation behind it.

He stares at her, his mouth parted ready to speak, but no sound follows it’s lead. The woman gives him one final, warning glare and Michael swallows, turning back to Polly and I.

“This is Gina… Gina Gray”

My head shoots to Polly immediately, and she just shakes her head at me. Polly must have already known. How long has she known about this.

She doesn’t say anything but her her eyes are screaming.

‘I’m sorry’ they cry.

Gina. Gina Gray. Gray.

She’s Michael’s wife.

“Sorry, do we know you?” She asks me pointedly, right as I’m trying to understand what has unfolded in a matter of minutes. So she doesn’t know about me? Michael hasn’t told her. He never mentioned the woman he has been in love with for 4 years. Never crossed his mind? Was our love not worth a mention? Was I not worth it?

I feel Michael’s eyes burning into me as he waits for me to answer, but what am I supposed to say?

‘Oh I was just your husbands lover before he left for America, where I never heard from him in 6 months, but apparently he met you and now you’re married so I guess I’m just some jaded ex lover’

Michael never was a man of God, but I bet he’s praying to whatever God is listening right now. Praying that I don’t reveal his secret. Expose his big lie. Reveal his double life?

“This is Isabelle,” Polly’s voice pushes in very suddenly, but as she goes to continue, Michael cuts her off before she even can.

“A family friend” he interjects quickly, almost tripping over his own words with urgency.

A family friend.

If there was a moment to describe the feeling of twisting the knife once you’ve already been stabbed, this was it.

The sentence rattles around in my brain. How can he just stand there, look me in the eyes, and call me that.

Maybe if we had of broken up before he left, then he would be justified in calling me nothing but a family friend, if he doesn’t want to say I used to be his lover. His girlfriend. His person.

But I clearly remember how he made love to me the night before he left. How he kissed me at the station before he left. How we both cried and held each other, almost causing him to miss the train. And I know he remembers it too. But yet here he stands. With my heart in his hands, and clenching it tightly as he calls me nothing but a family friend.

I’m suddenly painfully aware of the silence between us all, and realise I haven’t spoken once this entire time.

“Yes, sorry” I nod quickly “I’ve known the family a long time”

“How sweet” Gina replies with a tight smile, as she looks me up and down.

A feeling of sickness washes over me the same way her eyes do. I don’t belong here. Standing like a complete fool as Michael and this woman, his wife, pretending to be someone I’m not, just as much as Michael is.

“I’ll let you guys get on your way” I shake my head “I’ve uh, I’ve got a shift to get to anyway”

Gina nods with another sickly sweet and clearly fake smile, and Michael just stands there, still watching me nervously.

“Bye Poll” I breathe at Polly who is biting her lip, doing a terrible job at hiding the distraught look on her face. I can’t even imagine what mine looks like.

I give one last nod at them all, my eyes catching Michaels for the last time as I begin to walk away. My legs feel like lead as I force myself to walk away from them, moving from the spot I felt as though I was frozen to.

[spacesuitsforemergency]

Weapon Hex

Chapter 1: The Runaways Run Away

Word Count: 1.7k

Originally Requested by: @amateurwriterbigdreamer

A/N: love that Onawa was requested to be in this! I’m not giving her a huge part until she turns into a villain so that it’s centered around Y/N for now! These are all gonna be short chapters since there’s not a whole ass movie to cover. Hope you like it!

“I said no!” You yelled at the STAR Labs scientist, who had been trying to hook up a machine to you, to observe your brain waves. The other kids you had escaped the Reach with were watching from across the room, waiting for instructions. They watched with their eyes wide in fear and concern as the scientist cornered you.

“Y/N, you have to calm down.” He told you calmly, despite the annoyed tone of his voice.

You crouched in a defensive stance, snarling at him to tell him to back off. Two security guards grabbed your arms, and you thrashed in their hold, warning them to let you go. Your heart rate began to pick up as they held you down, and the scientist picked up a needle. You knew the drug wouldn’t work on you, none of them did, but you had to act like it would.

Your plan was to be calm and act out of it once they “sedated” you, so that they wouldn’t see you as dangerous. Then, once their guard was down, you’d attack.

“No! Stop!” You yelled as the needle stuck into your arm, and you slowly pretended to get tired. You made your eyes droop and breathed very slowly, so that when he checked your pulse it would be at the rate it should be with sedation in your veins.

“Put her in a straight jacket.” The scientist ordered a guard.

“You can’t do that!” Virgil Hawkins stood up.

“That’s way out of line!” Tye Longshadow glared at the scientist.

“She’s far too dangerous.”

“She obviously doesn’t want your help. You can’t just force her to do stuff!” Eduardo Dorado Jr. snapped. The scientist ignored him as the guards put your arms in a straight jacket, then sat you down in the last chair. You pretended to be half asleep, but when no one was looking you winked at the other 6 kids before they were called over. You shut your eyes and your head fell back against the wall, you figured you’d might as well rest. Your thoughts wandered to your father, and the horror stories about Stryker and the Weapon X program.

Your father was James Howlett, AKA The Wolverine, and your mother was Jean Grey, another X-Man. She had died half a year ago, destroyed by the Phoenix Force. You had run away from the X-Mansion because of it. You were treated different by the other kids, and even your team, Excalibur. Nightcrawler, Gambit, Rogue, Colossus, Lockheed, even your best friend, Kitty Pryde, treated you differently than before the Phoenix killed your mother. They treated you as if you’d turn on them any second. As if you’d attack them. As if you were an animal. A monster.

Your father had become even more distant and angry than before, which was something you didn’t think was possible. You didn’t know how to comfort him, and he didn’t know how to comfort you. Nobody was there for you while you grieved for your mother, and you felt feared and unwanted. So, to make things easier for them, you left. You planned to just wander, maybe even steal a motorcycle and follow in your fathers footsteps. You had been waiting for a bus when the Reach kidnapped you. When you woke up, voices were talking in your head. You were terrified, but then you heard your mothers voice. Whether it was actually her or just your subconscious, you didn’t know, but she helped you control the other voices. You were extremely intelligent, so it didn’t take long for you to get the hang of telepathy. When you finally escaped, you were put back into more testing. It made you anxious and panicky, since you knew what happened to your father and many mutants when they were tested on. You remembered the mutants that died being experimented on by Trask, and the lifelong trauma it brought your father.

“If we let you out, do you think you can handle getting some food without throwing a fit?” A security guard asked you, mocking you as if you were a child.

You lifted your head and nodded slowly, manipulating his mind to think your pupils were dilated, a sign of sedation. Once he was satisfied he unbuckled the straight jacket and helped you up, but you convinced him you could walk on your own. You walked out to the hallway and stopped at a corner, watching the others who were listening to Eduardo Jr and Eduardo Sr arguing very loudly. They looked away when he storms out, slamming the door.

“Uh...we should get lunch while we have time.” Virgil suggested.

“This is so messed up.” Tye snapped. “STAR is as bad as the Reach and worse than home.”

“Wouldn’t go that far.” Onawa Longshadow, who you figured out was his sister, mumbled.

“But STAR wants to help us.” Neut, some other escapee said quietly.

“Whatever, Neut. I just know I can’t take much more of this.” Tye said through his teeth.

“You won’t have to. Cause we’re busting out. Tonight.” Virgil says with determination. This perks your attention, so you walks towards them.

“And how are we supposed to do that?” Eduardo asked. “This place is a fortress.”

“You’ll need me.”

They all spin around and see you, perfectly awake and not sedated at all.

“You faked it, didn’t you?” Tye asked you, grinning.

“That’s what he said.” Virgil whispered, Eduardo snickering while Tye rolled his eyes.

“Drugs and medicine don’t work on me.” You shook your head. “The doctors are idiots.”

“Is that your metahuman gene?” Eduardo asked.

“No. That’s my X-Gene.” You shake your head as you looked around to make sure there’s no guards spying on you guys.

“Wait...” Tye mumbled. “I thought you were a telepath?”

“Holy shit! You’re like Wolverine, right? With a healing factor!” Virgil exclaimed.

“What?” A guard overheard from the other hallway. You rolled your eyes and erased the last few seconds from his mind, then created a “mind link” with the others, translating for Asami at the same time. Not Neut though, you knew he wanted to stay and report you. So you erased his mind as well.

‘Don’t yell. Talk to me through this.’ You ordered as you all started walking towards the cafeteria. ‘Yes, Wolverine is my father. My X-Gene developed when I was little, but the Reach activated my meta gene as well.’

‘No fair, so you’ve got like, a hundred powers?’ Virgil asked.

‘Can you even count? She’s got two.’ Onawa rolled her eyes.

‘So you know how to get us out of here?’ Tye asked. He seemed to be the most restless and adamant about leaving, which you took note of.

‘We leave tonight. I’ll take care of everything.’

•

“Please, tell me you're not serious about running. Running, escaping, whatever you want to call it, we're gone. This is serious. I nearly blew up Central City. My powers may be gone now, but what if they come back, you know, escalate out of control all over again? What if your powers escalate? Dude, you can't control them now. Look, I know Wilcox is a pain. STAR is a pain, but they're trying to keep us safe. Or at least keep the world safe from us.” Neut tried to reason with you.

“I’m outta here..” Virgil scoffed as you led him towards the door.

“Oh yeah.” Tye nodded, his sister following behind.

“Adios.” Eduardo waved to Neut.

“Are you coming Sam?” You asked her.

“I think so?” She tilted her head.

“That might mean yes.” Tye and Eduardo both led her towards you.

You spun around when alarms suddenly blared, and you saw Neut at some control panel.

“Sorry. But I can’t let you do this.” Neut narrowed his eyes.

“Bold of you to assume you were letting us in the first place, punk!” Onawa glared at him, starting to charge at him before her brother tugged her back.

“Let’s go!” You shouted at them, rushing down the hallway. Virgil and Eduardo sprinted ahead of you, right at the door. Virgil tried to open the door, but it was locked.

“The alarms put the whole place on lockdown!” Virgil alerted you.

“Great! Now what?” Tye asked.

“No idea.” Virgil admitted.

“Well what was your escape plan?” Eduardo asked.

“Uh...I didn’t really come up with one.” Virgil rubbed the back of his neck. “Y/N, weren’t you supposed to be in charge here?”

“I am. Just wait for it.” You told them. You knew guards would be at every exit any minute, and you wanted to show them something.

“Ed? Can you teleport us out?” Virgil asked, trying to figure out why you were just standing there staring down the hall.

“Haven't you been paying attention? I can only teleport myself and only along sight lines. Which makes escaping from a windowless, locked hallway somewhat difficult!” Eduardo shouted, accent becoming thicker in his anger.

“No problem! Tye can do his thing, right?” Virgil turned to Tye.

“Wrong! I can’t control ‘my thing’! It just happens!” Tye shook his head.

“Onawa? Can you do some magic or something?”

“No way! If I try to tear apart the door I could tear you apart too! I don’t have control yet, you-“ Onawa opened her mouth to say some god awful curse.

“That’s enough.” Tye smacked her arm.

“Look out!” Asami pointed.

You grinned when some guards ran up, channeling your inner Wolverine.

“You kids need to come with us!” A guard warned.

“Don’t think so.” Eduardo said darkly.

You charged at the guards, finally sheathing your claws. You made sure to not cut any vital parts, only making flesh wounds to keep them down. You snarled at them, baring your sharp teeth. Once they were all down, you turned around and charged towards the others. They all jumped aside as you went for the door, easily tearing through the layers of metal. You retracted your claws, standing straight and feeling your shoulders and back crack loudly. You turned around, everyone staring at you in shock and fear.

“Let’s go.” You say calmly, before running off into the night.

[what-is-your-plan-today]

Stark Spangled Banner: Stab Me In The Front

Part 1: America’s Asshole 

Intro: It’s been a year since Katie was held hostage by Hydra, and whilst she’s still working through her feelings she has an idea about how she can make other people’s lives better as a result of her ordeal. Alongside this, she needs to take a trip to Boston to meet Harlan Thrombey-SIP’s latest author. Slightly nervous about taking a business trip alone after what happened last time, Steve offers to go with her.

What could possibly go wrong?

Warnings: Bad language. SMUT (NSWFW)

Pairing: Steve Rogers x OFC Katie Stark

Square Filled : “Mistaken Identity” @avengersbingo​ A/N: So, here we go. An Avengers/Knives Out Cross Over where Katie and Steve come face to face with America’s Asshole! The tongues are sharp and the knives are out! This is set in 2015 so way before the KO storyline so therefore contains no spoilers! You don’t need to have read SSM to understand or enjoy but please do so if you wish. 

Main Masterlist 

**Shout out to @icanfeelastormbrewing​ for being my Insult Partner when I was writing this!!**

PLEASE PLEASE REBLOG and COMMENT, This is probably my fave part of this fic I’ve written to date!! 

 October 2015

 “So, Mr Thrombey, that’s all confirmed.” Katie said, tapping at a key on her computer to lock the meeting in her calendar “11 am, Next Thursday, the 15th ”

“I’ll send you through the zip code and location for your GPS.” Harlan responded “The house is just outside of Lincoln, not far from Pierce Park. It shouldn’t be too far for you if you’re staying at the Harbor.”

“Thank you.” Katie smiled as she spoke into her phone, “I look forward to meeting you on Thursday Sir.”

“Oh, less of the Sir, Harlan please. And the pleasure is all mine Miss Stark…I mean, Mrs Rogers, my apologies!” The man chuckled “And thank you for accommodating my need to pull this meeting forward by a few days.”

“It’s not a problem.” she assured him. They exchanged pleasantries again and then she cut the call and leaned back in her chair, cracking her neck, before she double checked the travel arrangements. The hotel was booked, flight was sorted, hire care was confirmed. All that she needed to do was not forget the annotated manuscript or the cover ideas.

The door to her office opened and she looked up to see Tony leaning in the doorway, waving a Starbucks cup at her one of their familiar brown paper bags, clearly bearing treats.

“I love you bro…” she smiled at him as he wandered in, chuckling, placing the drink and paper bag down in front of her. She looked into the bag and gave a moan when she saw it was a rather large, gooey looking brownie, and gave a bigger moan when she sipped her drink and found it to be a Pumpkin Spiced Latte. “Perfect Elevenses!”

“Well thought you might need one, you’ve been locked in here since 7 this morning…”

“You got FRIDAY spying on me?” she narrowed her eyes at him.

“No.” he said at the same time the AI affirmed her suspicions.

“He has indeed had me watch you, Mrs Rogers.” “Traitor.” Tony rolled his eyes and Katie chuckled

“Well I had all this Harlan Thrombey stuff to sort, Steve’s still in Copenhagen with Sam chasing the alleged latest sighing of Bucky.” she shrugged “Not much point in lying in when you’re wide awake is there?”

“True.” Tony nodded. “Are you going back to the Compound tonight?”

“I dunno.” she shrugged “I might just stay here again if that’s ok?”

“Kiddo, you own part of this Tower, it’s always gonna be your home too.” Tony shrugged, “You can stay as long as you want.”

“Thanks Tone.” she smiled. She didn’t want to admit it, but she felt safer in the Tower whilst Steve was away, even thought it was ridiculous as the Compound was just as secure, being closer to her brother was a comfort.

“I haven’t forgotten what tomorrow is.” Tony said gently, looking at her.

“Funnily enough me neither.” she sighed “I should be celebrating, a year to the day Bucky broke me out of that fucking shit hole in Canada.” she pulled off her glasses, another remnant of her time with HYDRA. Since she’d been kept for 6 weeks in that horrific cell she’d needed glasses for anything that required a long period of concentration on a computer screen or monitor if she wanted to avoid migraines. Bruce seemed to think it was something to do with the fact that her cell had been painfully bright all the time and that continued exposure to artificial light in such a way triggered a subconscious response. 

She swallowed “I’ve been trying not to think about it.” she said gently.

“Which is why I booked you and Pepper into the Dominick for the afternoon.” he smiled at her “Well, Pepper has, I’ve just given her the credit card…full deep tissue massage, facial and then Franco’s booked to do your hair…and don’t bother telling me you’re busy as I had your diary cleared and everything reschedule to next week” he watched as she opened her mouth before shutting it,, shaking her head softly. “You leave in 30 minutes.”

“You spoil me.” she smiled softly. 

“Anything for my girls, plus I thought it might keep you busy whilst Spangles is otherwise engaged.”

“He was hoping to be back but when I spoke to him before he doesn’t know if he’s gonna be.” she shrugged “it is what it is.” Tony smiled at her before he stood up “Yes, it is. And this afternoon is your pamper time so get your shit together and meet Pepper downstairs.”

“Yes sir.” she said, saluting him with a grin.  

As with anything Pepper or Tony booked, the spa was off the scale. Katie had been meaning to go for ages, and now, as she sat in the chair in Franco’s salon she was already searching available dates to go back with Natasha and Wanda. She laughed and joked with the stylist and Pepper, the pair of them enjoying yet another bottle of champagne as they had their hair done. A couple of hours later, at just gone 7pm, Pepper dragged her out over the road and into a ridiculously expensive wine bar.

“Feeling better?” Pepper asked as Katie took a huge gulp of her Sancerre.

Katie smiled “Much, thank you.” “You know, I’m always here if you want to talk to someone other than Steve about stuff.” Pepper looked at her “And it won’t go any further.”

“That’s the thing, I don’t wanna talk about it…” Katie sighed “You know, Pep, I see all these women out there, read their testimonies and things and I just wonder how they’re so strong, like, how can they can just stand up and talk about what happened to them?” she trailed off, shaking her head “And me? I just wanna pretend it never happened. So much for being an Avenger huh?”

“Hey…” Pepper shook her head, looking at her sternly. “Stop that, right now.” “Well it’s true.” Katie shrugged “I mean, I’m a public figure right? But all people know is I was missing for 6 weeks, but it was put down to a mission gone awry. I just..well, I feel like I should be out there, trying to make a difference, helping people.”

“Kiddo, what you went through…” Pepper swallowed “I can’t even begin to imagine. And how you’ve dealt with and processed it, well, frankly I don’t know how you’ve been so strong. There is no shame in wanting to simply move on and leave it in the past.”

“I know.” Katie said softly “Thank you. Having everyone around me makes me realise how lucky I actually am. I’ve got a huge support network. Not everyone who goes through...” she swallowed, not quite able to say it “not everyone has that to fall back on.” Pepper pondered something before she looked at Katie, “You know, we haven’t picked our Partner Charity for the Stark Relief Fund next year…we could make it one that deals with Sexual violence. No need to go into details as to why.” Katie considered that for a moment, before she nodded “That’s not a bad idea.” she clicked her nails against her wine glass, thoughtfully “It would make a difference, right?”

Pepper nodded. “Absolutely. Give it some thought, see how you feel.” “I will, thanks.” she smiled. 

****

Steve was exhausted but wasn’t willing to spend another moment away from his wife. So the moment the jet was down he headed straight for the garage, jumped on his bike and roared out of the compound heading down town towards Manhattan.

“Good Evening Captain Rogers…” FRIDAY greeted him as he pressed his palm to the access pad at the rear entrance from the underground car park “Mrs Rogers is in your apartment.”

“Thanks FRIDAY.” he said, as the elevator began to rise. It stopped a few floors up, and when the doors flew open he was greeted by Tony who was undoing his tie.

“Oh, you’re back.” he said, looking at Steve appraisingly.

“You’re up late.” Steve looked at him.

“Just working on a few things.” Tony said vaguely. “How was the search for Tin Man?” “Well, it was him alright.” Steve said, running a hand down his tired face “Few more leads to work on. We could have stayed out there for a bit longer truth be told but, well, I wanted to be here tomorrow, you know.” Steve said, shrugging.

The two men shared a moment of understanding, both of them having experienced unsurmountable raw pain and anguish over the 6 weeks Katie had been missing and it wasn’t something they were likely to forget any time soon. If ever.

“She know you’re home?” Tony looked at him again. Steve shook his head.

“Wanted to surprise her.”

Tony smiled softly, “She’s probably asleep.  Her and Pep have been in the Spa all afternoon and they’ve drunk a lot so…”

Steve gave a huff of a laugh “Yeah she messaged me before saying you’d sent her there out for the afternoon. That was really thoughtful of you Tony.” “Well it happens occasionally.” Tony said as the elevator stopped at his floor. “Listen, Steve…”

Steve turned to face him.

“She’s not been herself the last few weeks.” Tony scratched at his beard and Steve took a deep breath.

“I know.” he said gently “I think she’s just, well, processing, if that’s the right word. We only got back from our honeymoon 3 weeks and it kinda hit her when we got back just what time of year it was. Whilst we were away she didn’t have time to think about it.”

“Just…well, take care of her for me ok?” Tony said, looking at the Soldier.

Steve nodded “Always Tony, you had my word on that when I told you I wanted to marry her, and I meant it.”

Tony nodded and clapped him on the shoulder, giving him a look of thanks before he left the elevator on the Part Floor level. It began to rise again and Steve let out a soft sigh. Tony was right, the last 2 weeks in particular Katie had been a little quiet, less vivacious, almost withdrawn even. At first he had put it down to post honeymoon blues but Natasha had pointed out that this time 12 months ago she had been at the mercy of Hydra, with those bastards brutalising her in ways that he couldn’t even bring himself to think about. For this reason, he’d been reticent to go on the latest mission but Katie had insisted, pointing out that they couldn’t not carry on with their lives and that she would be alright.

The fact she had basically moved back into the Tower for the 3 days he had been gone, however, made him think that she wasn’t quite as alright as she had told him.

The doors opened on their floor and he stepped out. It was mostly dark as he headed through to the bedroom where he found that the TV was playing on the wall, but Katie was fast asleep, one of the pillows clutched to her chest as a makeshift cuddle partner. With a soft smile he closed the door and headed over to the bed. Kicking off his boots he lay on his side, facing her, and brushed her soft hair back off her face before pressing a kiss to the bridge then tip of her nose and finally her lips.

She stirred, her face scrunching up in that adorable way it always did, before she blinked her eyes open. It took her a second to focus but when she did her lips curled upwards into a soft smile which became an ear to ear grin.

“Hey sweetheart.” he said softly, kissing her again, his hand cupping her face.

“You’re home.” she said, reaching up to lay her hand over his. “Why didn’t you tell me you were coming back?”

“Wanted to surprise you.” he smiled.

“Well it worked.”

“I missed you.” he said softly, his thumb caressing her cheekbone.

“Missed you more.” she shot back and he chuckled.

“Doubt it. How was the Spa?”

“Oh it was amazing.” she gushed, her eyes shining “I had this deep tissue massage and the guy hit spots on my back I didn’t even know I had. The facial was great, and my hair…”

“I like the colour.” he said smiling, gently moving his hand so he twirled a piece around his finger. The ends were slightly lighter than usual, almost a dark honey blonde, and it extended a little up the strands before evening out.

“It’s called ballayage.” she smiled at him. “I just fancied a bit of a change.”

“Looks good on you.” he smiled “I’m glad you had a nice time, you deserve it.”

“How was the mission?” she asked “Worth it?”

“Yes and no.” he shrugged “We have a few more leads we can chase up but…” he took a deep breath “I’m beginning to wonder what the point is. He clearly doesn’t wanna be found.”

“The point is he’s your friend, your brother.” Katie smiled, moving her hand to run her fingers over his jawline, the pads scratchings lightly against his 5-oclock shadow. “Maybe he just needs a bit of time to find himself first, that doesn’t mean you have to give up on him. Besides, I need to give him back his jacket.”

“And I need to thank him.” Steve said, “For getting my beautiful girl out and safe.”

“I can’t believe it’s been a year tomorrow since he found me.” she said softly

“Is that what’s been bothering you?” he asked.

“Huh?”

“The last few weeks you’ve not been yourself.”

She licked her lips and nodded “Yeah, I just…well, I didn’t give it much thought when we were on our honeymoon, you know, but since coming back and ramping up the Thrombey Campaign it’s kinda hit home a little.” And suddenly Steve understood. SIP were publishing the man’s latest book, “The Colour of Revenge” which was all about a Detective on the trail of a killer who was hunting down and dispatching of 6 men who had been acquitted of a gang rape and murder.

“Shit…” he let out a groan “Honey I…I’m so stupid not to realise that…” “Hey.”she frowned, “Don’t…” She reached up and smoothed the lines that had appeared on his brow and he let out a sigh, gently reaching up to lace his fingers with hers, bringing her hand towards him and placing a soft kiss on her wrist.

“It’s better now you’re home.” she said gently. He smiled and gave her a gentle kiss again.

“Is that everything?” he pressed and she hesitated again.

“I’m scared.” she said eventually, looking at him.

“Scared of what?”

“Going away, on my own.” she sighed, tears brimming in her eyes “I hate that they made me like this Steve.”

He let out a sigh, he hated that she was scared too. She didn’t deserve it. 

“Why don’t I come with you?” he asked, the idea suddenly forming in his mind.  She stilled for a moment and he continued “Not to the actual meeting, but I can drop you off and pick you up, hang around, whatever you want me to do.”

She looked up at him smiling softly, not even trying to pretend she wasn’t relieved he had offered. “Would you?”

“Of course.” he nodded, wiping the tears off her face. “You only had to ask.” “I didn’t want to.” she admitted “I know how busy you are here and…” “That can wait.” he said, holding her face in his hands as he drove his message home “you’re the most important thing in my life and if me coming with you makes you feel better then…” he shrugged “Besides, I’ve always wanted to go to Boston.”

“We can make a little trip out of it if you like?” she said, somewhat hopefully “Come back on the Saturday?”

“Sure.” he smiled at her. “Let’s do it.”

“Oh Stevie you’re gonna love it.” she beamed, and he smiled at the way her face had gone from being furrowed with worry to alive with excitement. “Massachusetts is amazing in the fall and Boston is just stunning…” “Well I’ll make sure I bring my sketch book.” he smiled “Give me something to do whilst you’re in the meeting.” “Thank you.” she said softly. “I’ll book us somewhere nice to eat one night. Give us an excuse to wear something pretty.”

“Like you need an excuse.” he teased, and she nipped him harshly on the arm. He chuckled and then with a groan he unwillingly pushed himself up off the bed.

“I need a shower.” he said, almost apologetically. “I won’t be long.”

“You better not be.” she muttered and he smiled, dropping a kiss to her forehead before he headed into the bathroom.

True to his word, he wasn’t long. 5 minutes, tops. But by the time he came back, the TV was off and Katie was fast asleep. Thinking back to what Tony had said, he found himself wondering if she had actually slept much at all whilst he was gone.

Steve dried himself off, stepped into a clean pair of boxers and then slid into the bed next to his wife, slipping his arms around her. Once her back was nestled snugly into his chest, he dropped a soft kiss to her neck and closed his eyes, happy to have her in his arms.

****

Steve woke the next morning to find his girl tangled around him. She’d shifted in the night, clearly, and now her face was pressed into his chest, right leg snaked between both of his, her right hand was slid under his arm, lightly gripping his shoulder whilst her left rested against her head, fingers in her hair. Smiling to himself he pulled her closer, relishing the feel of her against him. She murmured something incoherently as she gently moved, her cheek pressing into the hair on his chest, the hand around his shoulder slid down to the base of his back where her fingers simply rested, soft against his spine as she continued to sleep. 

And Steve was quite happy to let her nap for longer, using him as her own personal cuddly toy.

He dozed in and out of consciousness again, drifting off for another 10 minutes or so, before he felt Katie stirring in his arms, and a soft kiss gently being pressed to his jaw line. He smiled at the contact and tightened his hold on her again, his eyes still closed.

“Morning beautiful.” he said softly, his voice still thick with sleep.

“Morning soldier.” she said, her cheek returning to his chest as she basked in the safety and warmth of his hold as his hand crept up the back of the stolen shirt she was wearing, his rough fingers ever so gentle against her skin as he trailed the pads up and down her spine.

“Sleep ok?” he asked, his eyes still not opening.

“Yeah.” she assured him, truthfully. It had been the best night sleep she’d had in days.

“Good. What do you fancy doing today?”

He felt her still and then she pulled back slightly, and at that he opened his eyes and blinked to see those gorgeous emeralds locked onto him.

“Are you not needed at the Compound?”

He shook his head “Kitten, I’ve not seen you for almost 3 days so I figured we deserved one together.”

She groaned “I have meetings this morning.” “That’s ok, I’ll meet you at lunch.” he said, tucking her hair behind her ear.

She didn’t argue. She knew full well why he’d taken the time out, and frankly she adored him for it. Without saying a word she leaned up and captured his lips in a gentle kiss that quickly became heated…but was shattered by the piercing noise of Katie’s alarm.

She gave a groan, and made to move.

“Don’t you dare…” Steve mumbled against her mouth, his grip on her tightening.

“Stevie…” she sighed “I gotta…”

He reached over, his large body flattening her into the mattress making her giggle as he swiped across the screen of her StarkPhone silencing it.

“You ain’t gotta do shit…” he said, hovering over her on his elbows. “Except me.” he added as an afterthought.

“Oh so you’re gonna to explain to the board why I’m late?” she looked at him.

“To be honest...” he said, dipping his head to trail hot kisses up the side of the next “...they probably won’t even notice you’re not there. I mean, are you really that important?”

“Fuck you.” she giggled back.

“Believe me, I’m tryin’” he quipped, his mouth nipping at her ear lobe. That made her giggle even more and she felt his lips curve into a smile against her skin.

“I love it when you do that.” he said gently, using his leg to part hers, leaving a large thigh pressed against her mound.

“What?”

“Laugh.” he said, his mouth moving up her jaw line “Makes me happy.”

“You’re such a sentimental sap.” she mumbled, as his lips claimed hers again, the heat between her legs intensifying as the kiss grew deeper, tongues lashing against one another. Steve pulled back for long enough to pull his shirt over her head before his lips returned to hers and Katie’s hand slid into his hair, one hand gently winding into the longer locks on top, her nails on the other dragging against the hairline on his neck. His hands moved, one gently cupping the side of her face, the other, gently skimming over her breast, her nipples already hardened. He gently teased one with the pad of his thumb and his mouth moved down to the other, his tongue and lips working in tandem. She gave a little involuntary twitch against his thigh and once more his lips quirked up into a smirk.

“You want something baby girl?” he asked, peeking up at her and she nodded.

“Stevie, don’t make me beg, please.”

And when she asked so nicely like that, how could he ever refuse? He hooked his fingers into the sleep shorts she was wearing and worked them down, before flipping down the waist band of his boxers. Katie bent her legs, as he shuffled upwards and worked into her, the pair of them letting out a groan each at the contact. Steve’s hands fell to either side of Katie’s face as he held himself up on his forearms, kissing her deeply as he flexed his hips forward, again and again, picking up a gentle rhythm.

It was soft, it was gentle, it was loving, everything she knew her soldier to be and it wasn’t long before he had her writhing and groaning loudly, his lips assaulting that spot on her neck.

“So good…” he groaned, his thrusts getting deeper. “Feel so good kitten…”

“Keep talking.” she keened, arching into him as her hands raked down his back.

“You were made for me, God I love you Mrs Rogers. So fucking much…” he said, his words punctuated by his heavy breaths as she gave a soft cry, her head falling backwards, eyes fluttering shut as she tightened around him, her legs shuddering slightly as she came.

“Atta girl.” he said, his hips becoming faster as he thrust through her orgasm, chasing his own. It wasn’t long before he felt the ribbons in his belly unravel and he came with a cry of his own, his head buried in her neck, hips slowing, thrusts going deeper before he eventually stilled, a loud contented sigh escaping his mouth.

After a few moments of them simply basking in the afterglow, Katie’s hands trailing through Steve’s ruffled hair as his nose slid against hers, she gave a sigh and pushed on his shoulders gently.

“Baby I really do need to get up.”

He pouted a little causing her to chuckle before he rolled off her and she pushed herself out of bed, heading for the en-suite. Steve watched her go before he swung his legs from under the covers,, found his boxers, pulled them on and headed down to the kitchen to make them both some coffee. *****

The idea had sprung to Katie as she’d headed out for lunch. The local shop was donating a percentage of its earnings that month to a homeless charity, and it set her mind whirring.

“So you want to donate, all the profit we make, from what is going to likely be the biggest book SIP will ever publish, to charity?” Tony looked at her.

“In a nutshell, yeah.” she said, nodding “We can split it across various charities, all those that help victims of sexual assault, abuse or crime…”

“Isn’t that what the Stark Relief Fund is for?” Saul, the SI Finance Director looked at her, and she nodded.

“Yes, but it isn’t just about the money…it’s about raising awareness.” she pressed “A lot of people don’t know those charities existed. Hell, I didn’t know about half of them until a year ago. If we do this, think of the publicity and the press and…”

She trailed off, looking at Tony. He could see the excitement shining in her eyes. She had a point, and it wasn’t like SI needed the money. SIP was her company after all, and if she wanted to use it to do something good, help people, maybe even help herself…then that was fine by him.

He shrugged and looked round the table “SIP’s vision was never about making money.” he said, and Katie beamed at her brother as she realised he was backing her “It was always about helping those who needed a hand to get their work out there…I don’t see why in this case, where they author is already so well-known we can’t use that to help those who need it.”

There was a pause and she looked expectantly round the table. One by one the board members seemed to concede, all of them that is bar their Legal Manager, Dan Robertson who was frowning.

“You’re going to have to bring Mr Thrombey on board Mrs Rogers.” he said, looking at her. “We can’t just use his book as part of a campaign without his permission.” “I know.” she said, nodding. “I’ve already realised that. I’m meeting him on Thursday next week, I’ll have a full proposal and pitch ready.”

There were a few murmurs around the table before Tony spoke “Is that it? Are we settled?”

Everyone looked at one another, nodding, and Katie leaned back in her chair, smiling.

But, she wasn’t smiling now. She had less than 24 hours before they set off for Boston and her pitch was only half way through completion.

“Sweetheart.” Steve’s hands slid over her shoulders where she sat on the chair in her office. She looked effortlessly elegant, even in sweats and an off the shoulder sweater, one toned leg stretched out in front of her, the other bent at the knee so her foot was resting on the seat of the chair, her left hand was curled around her shin, her right was tapping at her keyboard. “It’s late.”

“I know but…” She sighed, “This means a lot to me Steve…I need it to be right.”

Steve knew better than to argue. Instead he leaned over and kissed the side of her neck. “What are you stuck with?”

“I dunno it just…it all seems so impersonal.” she removed her glasses and wrinkled her nose as he sat down in the arm chair in the corner of the room “Facts and figures on sexual assaults and stuff…we all know it happens, it’s about making people want to do something about it.”

“Are you ready to make it personal?” he asked gently, taking a deep breath. He hated thinking about what she had gone through, he truly did, and if he had half a chance he’d rip the bastards limb from limb. But if she was ready to confront what had happened to her, he had to be there to support and back her all of the way, regardless of his own feelings.

“I don’t know.” she said softly “I was talking to Pepper about this the other day. I should be able to, I should be someone other women can look up to, being an Avenger and all but…maybe I’m just not strong enough.” “You’re the strongest person I know.” he leaned forward and locked eyes with her.

“I don’t feel like it when it comes to this.” she sighed.

“Honey…” he scratched at his head “Without wanting to sound flippant, since January this year, you’ve been, ok…well maybe ok isn’t the word but you’ve gotten on with things. You’ve moved forward, we both did.”

“Because we were busy, and we had no choice…”

“Well maybe…” he shrugged “But chasing down a sceptre, fighting Ultron, mobilising a new base, planning a wedding, running a business…it’s all time consuming, stressful stuff that if you really weren’t strong enough to deal with what happened, then it would have all gone to shit and probably tipped you over the edge into a nervous breakdown.”

She brushed a piece of hair behind her ear as she considered what he was saying.

“Honestly…” he continued, his eyes boring into hers. “If you want my opinion I think the fact that it’s the year’s anniversary of what happened that’s playing on your mind a little. You need to stop, look back and how well you’ve done and stop beating yourself up about all the things you haven’t”

She smiled softly and looked down at her hands before she glanced back up at him “When did you get so wise?” He chuckled “Well I am 97 years old.”

She laughed “You don’t look a day over 28.”

He smiled and stood up “I’m gonna make you a hot chocolate, and you’re gonna stop overthinking that and come relax, we’re up early tomorrow. You can do the rest at the hotel tomorrow evening.” “No can do, we’re going out.” she grinned at him “I booked the Chef’s table at Menton…”

“The what?” Steve frowned.

“You never heard of a Chef’s table?” she looked at him, and he shook his head “oh my God I’ve let you down…so badly. Check this out.” she tapped on her computer, bringing up the website and showed him the photos “It’s a private table with a glass wall that gives you a direct view into the kitchen. Totally impossible to get a reservation unless you book like a year in advance…or name drop.”

Steve groaned “You seriously dropped the Captain America wants a table line?”

“Yup” she popped the p as she smirked, closing down the browser page.

“Pain in my ass.” he grumbled, standing up. But as he left the office there was a smirk tugging at the corner of his lips.

One that his wife had seen.

*****

“So, was it worth a name drop?” Katie asked as they walked back into the Fireside Lounge located in their hotel.

“I’m happy to overlook the fact you acted like a total brat to make that reservation, yes.” he grinned as he went to remove her coat from her shoulders. He looked her up and down, the jump suit she was in was driving him crazy.

She grinned, and shivered slightly.

“Cold?” he asked, frowning.

“A little, don’t wanna sit in my coat though.”

“Do you want me to nip up to the room, grab your cardigan?”

“Would you?” she asked, even though she knew perfectly well he would.

“Course.” he said, dropping a kiss to her cheek “You get the drinks in, be right back.”

She headed over to the bar. The bartender, Will, was the same one who had been on before so he greeted her with a smile.

“Mrs Rogers. How was your meal?”

“Fantastic thank you.” she grinned “Can I get 2 Bourbon’s please? I’ll leave it to your choice, I’ll be back in a second, just need to nip to the bathroom.”

She excused herself and once she’d finally had the pee she’d been dying for since they left the restaurant, she set about touching up her make-up, smiling to herself. She’d deliberately picked this jumpsuit as she knew it got Steve’s blood pumping. It was a simple, plain black one with a V-neck line, but it was tight. Teamed with a thin red leather belt, red leather Jimmy-Choos and a matching bag all set off by the bright red lipstick she was sporting, she knew she looked good. Not that Steve had much room to talk, she could happily perve on him in the dark grey suit he was wearing, teamed with a black dress shirt, his collar left open…he looked good enough to eat, which she was planning on doing later.

She headed back into the bar and spotted Steve perched on one of the stools.

“Hey handsome” she said, slipping her arms round him from the back. But the moment she did that she realised something was off. He felt different, he was softer than Steve was. He smelt different, there was a really heavy woody scent to his aftershave whereas Steve’s preferred Hugo Boss or Gucci, depending on his mood, were both a lot lighter. And when the man spun to face her, although the likeness was indeed uncanny at first glance, his eyes were cold and calculating, his jaw line wasn’t quite as sharp as Steve’s and the smirk he wore on his face was nothing like the cheeky one Steve would sport. It was almost a sneer which spread across his face, every feature laced with disdain.

“What the fuck?” the man glared at her as Katie stepped back, holding her hands up in apology.

“I’m sorry, genuine case of mistaken identity…” she said, taking him in. His shirt was the wrong colour too, only she hadn’t been able to see that from the back.

“Yeah well if you’re touting for business I already got some today so get lost…” the man drawled in his light, Boston accent. “Like I just said I thought you were…hang on…” She frowned as his words registered “You already got some?”

“Yeah, that’s right.” he said, looking her up and down.

“You think I’m a hooker?” Katie snorted.

“Pretty high end one though, I’ll give you that.” the man said, nodding at her.

“I’m not a hooker.” she shook her head, laughing in disbelief.

“Oh, sorry. Do you prefer the term escort?” he raised an eyebrow.

She rolled her eyes, flashing her left hand at him. “I’m married, this was a genuine mistake….” she said, her temper rising slightly. She moved away from him to the side, nodding at Will who slid the check over for her to sign to charge the drinks to their room.

Ransom observed her for a moment, fighting the smirk that was threatening to break across his face. After another row with his stupid Libtard cousin and his mother who had been at his Grandfather’s house before, he’d come out with the sole intention of getting laid and then so drunk he could hardly remember his name. After a visit to one of his usual fuck buddies he’d achieved the first part, now he was concentrating on the second. He’d been initially irritated by this woman’s interruption, but now she was getting sassy back, and he wasn’t about to let it drop. He could tell she had money, that much was clear to see. The way she talked, held herself, was dressed. Whilst she wasn’t a hooker as he had originally thought (although to be fair to her, she was pretty hot, he’d consider fucking her if the opportunity arose) she was probably living off some 70 odd year old rich banker husband. A trophy wife. Huh, maybe she wanted a fuck after all…hell, he might not have to pay for it. Don’t look a gift horse in the mouth and all that.

“And does your husband know you’re here trying to tap me up?” he looked at her.

“You know, if I was trying to errr…tap you up, you wouldn’t be able to afford me” she shot back, signing her name on the cheque with a flourish.

“Try me.” Ransom shot back, making a show of looking her up and down. “How much for that ass?” “I’ll kick yours for free you self entitled dick.” she said, sliding the signed paper and pen back to the bartender.

Ransom gave a bark of a laugh “I’ll pass thanks.”

Katie snorted and glanced sideways at look at him, scarlet red lips pursed as she eyed him over her glass of bourbon. “Good decision, because I’ve dropped bigger men than you for fun.” “Sure you have Dollface” Ransom quirked an eyebrow, elbow leaning on the bar, angling his body towards her. She kept hers facing forwards, arms resting on the bar top, her head shaking slightly.

“You have no fucking idea who I am do you?” Katie shook her head, not looking at the prick stood next to her.  She hated using that line, but, well, when the occasion arose to get one over on a weasely little shit like this, she wasn’t going to pass it up.

“Why should I?” he snorted “I don’t know all the little bitches in Boston.”

She felt her mouth drop open and she was about to retaliate when Steve gently appeared by her side, dropping her cardigan over her shoulders.

Ransom recognised him straight away. He’d had it quite often, been told he looked similar to Captain America. So this meant the woman he’d been baiting for the last 5 minutes was his wife, Katie Rogers, sister of Billionaire Tony Stark, the Avenger, Supernova.

He’d called Supernova a hooker.

Ransom looked into his glass of scotch, turning away back to the bar, snorting with laughter.

“Sorry baby, Sam called and…” Steve stopped, frowning at the look on Katie’s face. “You ok?”

“Fine.” she said, looking up at him, smiling and nodding towards a cosy sofa over at the other side of the bar. “You wanna go sit down over there?”

“Sure.” he said, picking up his glass of bourbon he held out his free hand for her and she jumped down off the stool.

“I’d like to say it’s been a pleasure.” She snarked to the man next to her “But I don’t lie so…”

Steve frowned, wondering what had gone down whilst he’d been away. He glanced at his wife and then turned to look at the guy that was sat on the stool next to where Katie had been to see if he recognised him and did a double take. He recognised him alright, but only because he looked incredibly like him. Granted, there were a few subtle differences, but the resemblance was uncanny, to the point that at a first glance in the street, you could be fooled.

“Pal, you should keep that bitch on a leash.” Ransom spoke, his eyebrows raising and in front of him Steve stiffened.

“What did you just say?” he frowned, pulling himself up to full height.

“Seriously, man. You save the world from Nazi’s, get frozen for 70 years and then end up marrying that.” Ransom smirked, enjoying baiting the Captain “I’d ask ‘em to put you back under…”

Steve’s nostrils flared and he felt his neck getting warmer. “Don’t you dare talk about my wife like that...”

“Steve, leave it, come on.” Katie said gently, patting Steve on the chest “The guy’s a complete ass hole. If brains were dynamite I doubt he’d have enough to blow his head off.”

“Well if we’re talking about blowing...” Ransom looked Katie up and down before locking onto her eyes. “You up for the job?

Katie let out a bark of a laugh, her hand still on Steve’s chest which was positively humming with anger as she turned to face Ransom, contempt etched across every single inch of her face.

“Go jerk yourself off and wipe it on a curtain like your father should have done with you.” she said.

“I’d rather wipe it in your hair.” came the quip back.

And that was it. That was the point that Steve Rogers snapped.

There was a loud smash, the glass he was holding shattered in his grip as his fist contracted in pure anger. Katie barely had time to realise what had happened before he had stepped forward and grabbed Ransom by the front of his shirt, lifting him and slamming him on the bar.

“Steve!” she said, pulling on his arm. “Baby he really isn’t worth it, let go!”

“Captain Rogers!” Will behind the bar was desperately trying to talk him down as well “Please, don’t make me call security.”

Security! Steve wanted to snort. Like that would do any good.

“Baby, come on…” Katie tried again, pleading to his reasonable side. “Look, we’ve had such a nice night. Don’t let him ruin it.”

Steve let out a deep breath, he wanted nothing more than to knock the asshole’s teeth down his throat, but he felt Katie’s touch on his arm and her pleading tone and he let go, shoving the man hard.

“I would tell you to apologise.” Steve snarled stepping back. His voice was steely, eyes carrying none of their usual warmth “But I suspect it’s pointless”

“Yup.” Ransom nodded “Totally pointless.”

“Like your existence.” Katie mumbled, Ransom snorting in response. “Look, Drysdale, my manager’s told you before.” Will said, his voice laced with vexation as he shuffled from behind the bar to sweep up the glass that Steve had shattered. “Any more trouble and you’re gonna be banned.”

Ransom’s nostrils flashed angrily as he looked at the man “’I’m gonna be banned? Eat shit, he’s the one that just attacked me! He ripped my shirt!” he gestured down to where Steve had grabbed him, two tears either side of the buttons of his shirt “This is a Fendi!”

“Ransom, just shut up and apologise.” Will pressed again, “Or you’re gonna have to leave.”

“Fuck this, I was going anyway.” Ransom snarled, knocking back his drink. He stood up and pulled on a long, tan coloured camel coat before he glared at Steve then Katie “Really bad smell in here.”

Katie rolled her eyes, deciding to let him have that childish one without any fuss. But Steve didn’t.

“Close the door on your way out.”  He watched as the man stopped, took a deep breath before angrily flinging the door open, his coat flapping behind him. There was a moment’s pause before it slammed shut. 

“Sorry.” Steve turned, apologising to Will. 

“He’s a dirt bag and a cretin.” Will shrugged, as he waved the apology off. “No redeeming features whatsoever. Well, none that I’ve seen and trust me, I’ve seen him a hell of a lot.”

“Is your hand ok?” Katie asked Steve gently. She turned his right hand over to see that there were no cuts at all from the glass, which was good.

“Yeah, fine, don’t worry.” Steve looked at her, frowning. “Honey, what on Earth just happened?” he asked her softly, as she took a deep breath, blowing it out of her mouth.

“I went to the bathroom and when I came back, well, I thought he was was you from behind so gave him a hug.” she shook her head “Soon as I touched him I realised I was very, very wrong. I tried to apologise and he called me a hooker.”

“A hooker?” Steve repeated, arching an eyebrow.

“Yeah, so I told him even if I was he wouldn’t be able to afford me.”

At that Will, who had been busy pouring them both another drink, laughed as he slid 2 short tumblers of bourbon back over to them.  “He won’t have liked that at all.”

Steve nodded his thanks to the man as Katie looked at him. “How come?” she asked.

“Well, Ransom’s mother likes to claim she’s a self-made millionaire. Fails to mention the million dollar loan her dad gave her to start up her business like, but that’s by the by. Simply put, his family one way or another are loaded, and Ransom likes to be the flash bastard if you get what I mean.”

“What do his family do?” Katie asked, “I’ve never even heard of the Drysdales, and I’m pretty well connected…”

“His mother and father run some real Estate Company.”  Will shrugged, “A local one round Massachusetts, but you’ll have heard of his grandfather, or if you haven’t you’ve been living under a rock for the last 20 years.” “Who?” she asked.

“Harlan Thrombey, the crime fiction author.” Will said, and Katie felt the colour drain from her face. She turned to look at Steve whose eyes had also widened, and she gave a groan.

“Shit.”

@the-omni-princess​  @momobaby227​ @geekofmanythings16​ @angelofhell-666​ @thewackywriter​ @marvelfansworld​​  @cobalt-gear​  @asgardlover75​ @jennmurawski13​​​  @jtargaryen18​​ @saiyanprincessswanie​​  @navispalace​​ @patzammit​​  @joannaliceevans-fanficblog​​  @icanfeelastormbrewing​​ @djeniiscorner​​  @ayamenimthiriel​​  @coldmuffinbanditshoe​​  @disneylovingal​​ @madzmilllz​  @sgtjaamesbaarnes​ @sweater-daddiesdumbdork​

[jj-lynn21]

THE CLUB starring Bill Skarsgard as William Casik 6

Warnings: angst, fear, smut, humor

Notes: dream board is my creation, but some pictures are curtesy of @Billofourtime and Tim Richardson for Número Art (2019).

ch 1 ch 2 ch 3 ch 4   ch5 ch 7  ch 8 ch 9 ch 10

Alice is pissed that he would be so flippant toward her. Then he just walked away like he could care less if she really followed. He didn’t look back. He walked right out the spinning door. She downed the champagne. Slammed the glass flute on the bar. And walked with a fuming purpose out after him.

The driver still had the limo door open when she stormed out. She looked in to see him. “Why the fuck did you just leave like that?”

“Well, someone has their big girl panties on.” He chuckles darkly. “I wasn’t sure you would really follow me. I really didn’t think you would dare come out of your room looking like such a cheap whore.” He grinned.

Alice’s mouth dropped open. She glared at him. “You’re the one that picked this fucking outfit out.”

He nodded as he licked his lips. “That I did. Now are you going to get in the fucking limo or am I leaving? It is all up to you Alice.”

She gets in the limo. The driver shuts the door. “Now what the…”

He cuts her off by laying his hands on either side of face before leaning down to crush his lips into hers. Alice grabs at his arms. She pulls away but he chases her lips with his.  Alice is laying back on the seat. His tongue pushes inside her lips only lightly touching her tongue. Not anything like the first heartache that forced his tongue practically down her throat. Her tongue engaged his as she put her arms around his chest.

He moves his mouth to her ear lobe nipping and licking.

“I, uh aww I don’t even care what day it is William,” Her breaths were heavy.

“It’s Monday.,” He murmured, “The only name I want to hear from your lips is Sir. As in, ‘Yes, Sir.’ ‘Fuck me again Sir.’ ‘Fuck me harder Sir.’ ‘Please Sir let me cum again.’ You get it my innocent little whore?”

“I’ve never…” Alice pushes at his shoulders.

“I know you never and that is a fucking sin.”  He sucks on her neck.

A small moan, maybe her first true moan ever, escapes her lips.

“I’ve wanted to taste that sweet pussy of yours for years.” He pulls her legs over his shoulders nipping at her inner thigh.

“Sir, this isn’t right.” She cries out. “It is to obscene.”

He lifts his head, “Forget what you were told was right and wrong Alice. I’m the only sexual gratification teacher you need to listen to. And right now, you’re going to relax while I make you scream out in pleasure.”

“You can’t…I won’t…I…” Alice’s body tenses.

He licks her slit. Hums against her clit until her body betrays her teachings. Alice wasn’t sure how to process this new feeling.  She began to whimper as his tongue darted in and out of her most private treasure. Her back arched as his tongue made circles.

He looked up at her taking a little breather. “Open your eyes Alice. Look at me right now.”

She did what she was told because she always did what she was told.

“You taste so sweet, mmmm” His lips smack together and he licked them. His face glistens with sweat and her wetness. “You like it, don’t you?”

“I…” Alice struggled with an answer.

“Its okay to say, ‘Yes, Sir’ Alice; Unless you want me to stop?” He raised a brow.

“No Sir, don’t stop.” She begged.

He grinned, “If you need to hold on to something you can always pull my hair. I fucking love that shit.”

He went back to work. Her swollen clit begging for release she didn’t even know she needed. She just new what he was doing had her tingling like never before. She didn’t even know what her clit was but felt a maddening pleasant pressure as he fed on it. She did need something to grab hold of when he sucked right… “aw” there.  

Her hands plunged into his thick brown locks … “OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH” She screamed out as her first ever orgasm hit. The world seemed to blur. She attempted to bring her thighs together, but he held them apart. He needed to drink her all in. Needed her to fell every part of this new pleasure before he stopped.

“Fuck, what was that?” She panted.

He grabbed a wet wipe from the corner table of the limo. “That, my favorite little whore was you coming on my face.” He washed his face and chuckled. “You were quite backed up.”

“I Didn’t even know that was possible,” She bit her bottom lip subconsciously.

“That right there is sexy as Hell and I bet you don’t even know what your doing,” He pulled Alice to him kissing her deeper.

She kissed him back. For the first time in her life she kissed a man back passionately. Her arms wrapped around his neck. He sat back. He pulled her over around him. Her knees on either side of his lap.  He steadied her hips to grind himself against her as his excitement ached under his tightening blue dress slacks. He moaned obscenely against her lips. She whimpers as the material rubs against her clit.

“Please Sir, Stop, unless you’re going to make love to me?” She begs.

He laughs, “I will never make love to anyone, Alice. And I’m not going to fuck you until you beg for it. You need to loosen up. Roll your hips into mine.”

She starts to roll her hips in to him.

“Fuck, that’s good Alice,” He groans. “Get the fuck off me. You need a different kind of lesson. On your knees in front of me, now.”

She puts her hand on his cheek, “Did I do something wrong, Sir?”

He stares at her coldly, “Do what your told Alice.”

She gets off him, easing down to the floor, feeling rejected that he didn’t to make love to her. She looks down in defeat.

“Don’t you dare,” He leans down pulling her gaze to his.

“I’m sorry, Sir,” She apologized.

He shimmies out of his slack and boxer briefs.

Alice turn beat red turning her head, “I don’t think I’m supposed to see that, Sir.”

He scoffs, “Its just a fucking erect penis Alice. Its great for pleasure and fun.  Not only are you going to look at it, but you are going to learn to handle it to satisfy me right now young lady. So, get over the innocent shit with me. Look here. I can’t believe you never saw this magnificent cock.”

She looks over keeping her eyes shut tight.

“Open those pretty baby blues, Alice.” He commanded.

She opens her eyes but immediately covers them with her hands.

He chuckles, “You are not a child Alice. Your twenty-five years old.” He peels her hands away from her eyes. “Keep those eyes open so you can watch what your doing.” He puts her hand around the base of his shaft.

As soon as he let’s go of her hand, she pulls it away.

“Come on Alice, please stroke my cock with those tiny hands of yours?” He pouts.

With wide eyes she strokes him hand over hand. “This is so weird.” Are they all this big, Sir?”

“No,” he breaths heavily biting his lip laying back against the cushioned seat. “Just grab with both hands and pull a little as slide them up and down quickly.”

He groans as she does as he wants her to, “Like this, Sir? Are you alright, Sir?”

“Yes, oh fuck your doing…great…oh damn. Your going to have to put your mouth around my head before I cum Alice…fuck…do it now. Just keep swallowing.” He orders.

“Won’t I get pregnant if I swallow cum?” She questions sincerely.

“Fuck…no…Idiot told you that.” He panted ready to burst. “It can’t…fuck… taste that bad…Oh shit…a lot of chicks do it.”

She opens her mouth wide to take the head in her mouth..

He twists his fingers her hair, “relax and…damn I’m ready…down and up like your hands.”

She tries. Chokes as he goes in to deep, to quick. She backs off. “I can’t.”

“You can…not so much…just…of my…” He eases her head back in place. She opens getting his cock in her mouth. Tasting the precum on her tongue right before… “FUCK YES, YES…” He screams as she tries to swallow the substance.

She chokes a little again as his seed disperses down her throat. His grip on her hair eases up. He feels relief from the experience. He lets her sit back up on her knees. A pitiful whine coming from her cum covered lips. He grabs some wet wipes. Makes sure he is finished up completely before tossing her one.

“Wash your face.” He looks at her grinning. “That wasn’t so bad, was it?”

She grabs the small trash can. Cleans her mouth off. Tosses the wet wipe. Grabs a bottle of water that is sitting in a bucket. Swooshes water in her mouth and spits it into the trash can. “You are a fucking deviant!”

“Hey, I enjoyed going down on you.” He smirked. “I just thought you would want to learn to return the favor to be a nice little whore. You will like it the more you do it or maybe learn to take it better when I demand it. Of course, if you want to be a brat, I have no problem punishing you once we get to The Club.”

[taramaclaywasaterf]

@eboniidoll so this got a lot longer than I intended, I’m so sorry lol. This got into some deep stuff that I didn’t plan on talking about on here, but I figure it’s good to share, especially for anyone who could potentially relate.

When I was a teenager I was just starting to realize I was a lesbian and it was like my mind was physically rejecting it. I ended up getting into a “relationship” with a 20 year old man who was...not great, to say the least. I was broke growing up and my dad and I were constantly moving (I went to 4 different high schools in a matter of 2 years, freshman and sophomore) so I basically had no friends either. I was never in a school long enough to make any. So by the 4th school, I was pretty much desperate for ANYBODY ya know? And this guy, the 20 year old, he pretty much took advantage of that. I met him through some girl in my class when I asked who to buy weed from (lol.)

He started out pretending to be my friend, and when we got close, I ended up confiding in him that I thought I may be gay, but that I don’t want to be. Welp, he pounced on that. Then the manipulation and abuse started. He treated me like shit, but every time I would confront him, he’d start crying. Punching himself in the head. Threatening to kill himself. Even going as far as to get a razor and hold it to his arms, even cutting himself sometimes when it was really bad. And he’d do this for EVERYTHING. Even something as dumb as “hey ashed your cigarette on my jeans.” The switch would flick and he’d start crying and screaming “oh I’m such a fuck up, oh you don’t deserve me, oh I should just die, you’re better off without me, you’d like it that way, everyone thinks you’re better than me anyway” and bullshit like that. To the point where *I’d* end up having to apologize to *him* for him hurting me.

Then the rape started. First he started forcing me to kiss him. He’d grab my face, and if I said no, he’d pull the same “oh I’ll just kill my self” bullshit and start punching himself in the head. Then he’d go further. And further. And pretty soon, within a few months, he had me so exhausted that I just laid there and essentially let him masturbate using my body instead of his hand.

Then it got worse, and I think it’s because he knew he’d gotten me so worn down that I wasn’t going anywhere, you know? He started boasting about how he “turned a dyke straight” even though he KNEW I didn’t want anyone to know I was scared and unsure of my sexuality. Every time we had “sex” he’d say shit along the lines of “yeah my cocks so good even lesbians want it” and even “see, you’re not a dyke, you’re fucking me” as if him forcing a 16 year old to fuck him was an accomplishment. I started viewing sex as a punishment, and therapy has helped me realize a few things, but first let me explain what else happened:

First, I asked him to choke me. I’d started watching BDSM-type porn when our “relationship” began, and that’s where I got the idea. He’d choke me until my face pretty much turned blue.

Then, when he started hitting me in the face while choking me, I didn’t stop him. I saw it in porn, and I figured it was normal. I guess I kinda “liked” it. I “liked” it because it hurt.

Then he started hitting me across my face and my breasts, leaving bruises across my chest that I’d have to hide with high neck tops and concealer.

Then it was spinning me around, slapping my back and butt, and pulling my hair. And it all just kept getting worse. He started leaving bigger, deeper bruises. He started drawing blood. Never outside of sexual scenerios. Just when we were naked.

Whatever he wanted to do to me, I just...let him, in the loosest sense of the word “let.” I essentially just became a blowup doll for him to throw around and stick his dick in wherever he pleased, no matter how bad it hurt or if I bled or if I cried, and whenever I said no, he’d punch himself in the head, call himself ugly, cry about how he was such a fuck up, and say he was gonna kill himself.

I also started initiating “sex” with him for the first time, even if I’d wind up faking an orgasm and praying for him to hurry up and finish in the end. I even ended up aggressively initiating sex with him. It makes me want to puke just thinking about it. If we were sitting on the couch and other people were over, I’d literally suck his dick in front of those people, and I’d initiate it. Again, just thinking about it makes me want to fucking die.

During all this, he isolated me from everyone, even my dad. The few other friends I made, he scared them away. He painted this picture of me-like most abusers do- that I was the crazy irrational one. That I was the abusive one.

I was also watching more and more porn that featured women getting beaten, with the classic words like “forced” and “helpless” in the title. Again, I was a teenager. And this was pretty much all I did, especially when school was out for summer and was spending 24/7 at the guy’s house, even when he was out selling, because I pretty much had nowhere else to go. At that point, my dad had all but *told* me that he kicked me out. My dad changed the locks so that my key didn’t work, and wouldn’t answer the phone when I called him.

Basically, through therapy, I’ve realized that the reason I asked him to choke me in the first place was because I *wanted* to be punished. I wanted to self harm, even through sex. But then I’d watch the porn obsessively to convince myself this was normal. “See! I’m not crazy, these girls are doing it too! They like it, so it’s ok that I do, too!” I realized that, when I initiated sex, it was near the *end* of the “relationship.” It was my mind subconsciously realizing this was wrong. It was me trying to get my power back. It was me saying “no. This is MY choice. I’m gonna have sex on my OWN terms, not HIS.” It was stupid in retrospect, obviously. But I was young and going through a lot.

Then, I ended up getting pregnant. I found out the day before my 17th birthday, and by the time I found out, it was too late for an abortion. This is something I’ve never spoken about on here, and I really don’t like speaking about at all, but I had the baby a few months later, and gave him up for adoption. I’m actually still in contact with the adoptive family, and we get together every mother’s day. I text the adoptive mom often, and she’s actually one of the reasons I’ve gotten so heavily into radical feminism. She’s my hero, and she’s become a sort of mother figure for me as well. My own mother was abusive, as was hers, so she’s there for me. Even while I was in the hospital giving birth, she cared more about me and my health than the baby. They live about 6 hours away, so I can’t see her often, but she always calls and texts and lets me know that she loves me too, and says that she feels like she’s adopted both a son and a daughter (me.)

In the end, the guy is in prison for something completely unrelated, and he has zero contact with the baby (now toddler), something the adoptive mother promised me will be permanent.

I haven’t spoken to him in years, and hopefully never will. Thinking about it still makes me cry sometimes. I’m still not over it. It’s hard, and I’m still healing. But I know I am getting better.

I’m sorry that got so long, but there was just a lot to talk about. I’ve never really gone into detail about all of this on here before, but yeah. I’m not gonna go through and edit this before posting, so I apologize for any errors

[superfluffysupernatural]

How Could You

Part 6: Trapped

Word Count: 2069

Warnings: angst

Summary: The boys argue over the best way to deal with the demon possessing you. You argue with yourself about Sam and Dean.

A/N: If you want to see the parts to this series come out sooner, I need more notes. I can’t continue posting if I don’t know if people are reading it or not. 

~Rae

What feels like hours to you pass in silence, with you trapped in your own body. Until Lido finally speaks up for you. “Oh, if you boys could hear her. Begging… screaming to get control back. Honestly, it’s getting kind of annoying. Maybe I should send her to Hell myself.” “Fine. We’ll play your game. What do you want?” Dean asked. “I think you can guess. Those trials you’re doing- to slam us all into Hell. To lock the doors and throw away the key. I’m going to need you to stop them. And I’m going to need proof before I go anywhere.” “Yeah, right. Good luck doing anything without your little demon magic-” “Dean, maybe he’s right. Maybe we should just let it go,” Sam interrupted him. “I’m not letting anything go until we get [Y/N] back,” Dean said through his teeth. “Well then, I’ll just hand over the wheel to her and maybe she can convince you,” Lido said. Suddenly you were you again, but you could feel Lido in the back of your mind. “Dean, Sam, please, just listen to him. There will be another chance-” but suddenly you felt crippling pain shoot down your spine, sending you to the ground crying out in pain. “He can still hurt me in here, with the linking spell,” you choked out. “Please, please, Dean let it go please,” you whined in pain. Lido was doing this to you and you were too weak not to beg in his favor. Both of the Winchesters cringed at the sight of you being tortured from the inside. But of course, Dean wouldn’t give in. Sam took the initiative. “Okay, okay, stop!” he yelled. Sam pulled a knife from his jacket and grabbed Dean’s nondominant hand, cutting a slice across his forearm. “Sam, no!” Dean yelled, grunting in the mild pain from the cut. “What, you don’t think saving an innocent person is more important?!” Sam yelled angrily. “We will find another way!” You and Lido watched as the aura of the trials slipped out of Dean and disappeared. That’s when Lido took over again. “Why, I didn’t think it would be that easy,” he said, chuckling maniacally. “Now, sweet boys, if you’ll just let me out of this Devil’s trap I’ll be on my way.” “No. Not until you reverse the linking spell,” Sam said. He didn’t want Dean to talk, didn’t want him to say anything. He didn’t know why he was surprised Dean wasn’t willing to give up the trials, he was just angry. Lido sighed. “Fine.” Some Enochian words came out of your mouth, and suddenly you felt like a separate entity from Lido. You knew he was there without Lido giving you permission to know he was there. “Unlinked. Promise. On Lucifer.” That’s when Dean started reciting an exorcism as quickly as he could. Sam panicked, thinking Lido hadn’t told the truth about releasing the link, but before he could do anything to stop Dean, it was over. A black cloud exited your body, and you slumped over. “God dammit, Dean,” Sam muttered angrily as he rushed over to you, picking you back up. He placed two fingers on your neck, trying to feel for a pulse. A sigh of relief escaped him when he felt it. You were still you, still alive. “What?” Dean asked. “Dean, what if the demon had been lying? You would’ve just signed her permission slip into Hell,” Sam spat. “Yeah, well, he wasn’t.” “You of all people, should know that demons lie,” Sam said. “And you of all people should know that we do whatever it takes to stop them,” Dean replied. “Even if it meant sending an innocent person to Hell? Dean, she never did anything. The demon just chose her and happened to get lucky.” “Yeah, well, that demon’s luck almost burnt this bunker to the ground just now. So you tell me that one person is more important than everything we’ve ever worked for to protect humankind.” You began to wake up, finally in control and alone in your own body. “Is he gone?” you croaked out. Sam looked at you, pushing your hair out of your face. “Yeah. He’s gone. For good this time.” Sam picked you up and carried you out of the dungeon and back to your room, placing you in bed. “I’m sorry, Sam,” you whispered. “Shhh, don’t be sorry. You didn’t do anything wrong. Just get some rest.” “Not about Lido… about Dean,” you told him. “You don’t need to be sorry about him, okay? Please, just get some rest.” He started to get up to leave, but you grabbed his wrist. “Don’t go,” you pleaded. “I don’t wanna be alone…” You also didn’t want him asking Dean what Lido was talking about back in the dungeon. You didn’t want Dean telling on you. If anything, you had to do it. “Please stay with me, Sam…” Sam looked down at his feet, deliberating. After a few moments he looked back over at you and cracked an almost-smile. “Okay.” You smiled softly back at him and he kicked off his shoes before sitting in the bed next to you. He seemed a little caught off guard when you snuggled up to him, placing your head on his chest and curling up close. He gingerly wrapped his arm around you, protecting you. Things were quiet for a good long while, and you figured Sam probably thought you were asleep. “Hey Sam?” you asked softly. “Hm?” he somewhat grunted in response. “Was last night a date?” you prompted. He was silent for a few moments. “Did you want it to be?” he replied. “I guess I wouldn’t mind if it was… what about you?” More silence. “I think I wanted it to be. I just don’t know if hunters even go on dates. Relationships are kind of tricky in this life, you know?” You sighed. “Believe me, I know. I’ve seen it work out before, though.” “Me too. In a ride together, die together kind of way.” “At least they were happy…” you trailed off, looking up at Sam as you did. His gaze met yours and he placed his hand under your chin, pulling your face to his to kiss you. The kiss turned intimate very quickly, and you pulled yourself up to be closer to him, twisting your hand in his hair. “Sam, I think I really like you,” you murmured. “I know I really like you,” he said back, leaning in to continue kissing you. You knew what was about to happen, and you knew you should tell Sam before it did. At least, that’s what your conscience told you. But why would you listen? No, that would be too easy. Too complicated. Contradicting. So when Sam rolled his body on top of yours, you smiled and embraced it. Because this, this made you happy. And you knew that telling him you slept with his brother wouldn’t. Besides, Dean was just a one night stand you abandoned in a motel more than three years ago. What you had with Sam wasn’t even close to that. You deepened your kiss with Sam, keeping tongue to a tasteful minimum. His hands traced your body, like he was trying to memorize it, like he wanted to keep it forever. You ran your hands up under his shirt, holding onto the bare skin of his back, scratching at it when he squeezed your hips. His lips left yours and trailed down your neck, soft and slow. You moaned his name breathily and he brought his face back up to meet yours. “I’m sorry, you probably don’t-” he began to say. “Want to do this with you?” you finished his sentence. He nodded. You smiled and held his face in your hands. “I do. If you promise me one thing,” you said. “What’s that?” he murmured. “That this is real… that it’ll last past tonight… you’re not just using me…” That this is nothing like what I did to Dean, you subconsciously thought. “I promise,” he whispered, leaning into your hand and kissing it. “And if I break that promise you have every right to hunt me like the monsters we kill.” He pressed his forehead to yours. You pressed your lips to his and began to take Sam’s shirt off when there was a knock on the door. Goddammit Dean. “I got it,” you whispered. Sam quietly got off of you and moved out of sight while you answered the door. “Dean, I’m trying to sleep. It’s been a long night,” you told him gently. “I know… and I know you must be pissed at me, and I just wanted to say that I’m sorry,” he said gruffly. “You’re right. I am pissed at you. Lido could’ve killed me from the inside back there and you didn’t even seem to care. So no, I’m not going to accept your apology. I was trying to tell you that there would be another way, another chance. But all you could think about was finishing what you started. That’s all you ever do. And that’s why I didn’t stick around three years ago. You don’t seem to get that now, just like you didn’t get it then. And I’ve tried to be civil about it, I’ve tried to help you and your brother out the way hunters help each other. But you don’t ever seem to help me. You just help yourself. So please, Dean, unless you’re going to be a part of the solution instead of the problem, don’t apologize to me.” That seemed to hit a nerve in Dean. “I don’t ever help you? I don’t help you? So me saving your life from that vampire that stabbed you because you were too unobservant to realize you didn’t kill them all wasn’t helping? Giving you a place to stay while you healed? Making sure you got home safely when you went out and got drunk at a bar? Or what about when I got a call from Bobby just a couple weeks ago and found you sitting crying in a motel shower, and invited you into one of the only homes I ever had? None of that was to help you, that was all to help me, right?” “You do not want me to go there, Dean,” you said, trying to maintain your calmness. “No, go there. By all means. Please, enlighten me, really.” Dean’s voice was almost a shout. “You only did half of that shit because you wanted to sleep with me.” You tried to speak in a low enough voice so that Sam wouldn’t hear you. But Dean ruined any hopes you had of keeping your secret with what he yelled next. “I didn’t sleep with you because I wanted to take advantage of you, [Y/N]! I slept with you because I thought I was in love with you!” It almost physically stung you to hear it. “Go. Just go. We���ll talk about this later. Right now I need you to just go. Please,” you said quietly before shutting the door and locking it. Sam didn’t speak up until he had heard Dean walk away. “So you slept with Dean?” he asked, much calmer than you thought he would’ve been. “It was over three years ago. I was drunk, and really pissed. And I know I should’ve said something. So… I won’t apologize because I know you don’t want to hear it.” Sam nodded. “I get why you didn’t say anything.” Your face became confused. “You wanted to wait till the right time,” Sam answered your unspoken question. “And while you were in bed with me wasn’t a good time.” “That was what the demon was talking about back there. The thing that happened between me and Dean. It’s… trying to figure out when and how to tell you had been killing me, Sam. I didn’t want you to think any less of me…” “[Y/N], I don’t think any less of you. I promise you that. But… I think that this should stop until you can talk to Dean.” “Sam, please-” “You two need to figure things out. Establish boundaries, come to an agreement about things. It’s only fair.” You nodded sadly. “Okay,” you croaked. Sam came over to kiss you one last time before he left you alone in your room.

[hynohtz]

11 RANDOM FACTS ABOUT MY ASS

Okay ffffffffine. I was tagged by a couple of Roomfriends to complete one and I feel nothing but incredibly loved right now. I don't usually do these things but - this has been a fun one to get to know my buddies with so WHY NOT?! Honestly, this is not hard bc .... well, I'm weird. Bwahahaah!! I'm also not shy, especially when it comes to difficult conversations of confrontation. Buckle your seat belts. I'll try not to make it hardcore but all things are what make us , us , right?? I have enjoyed getting to know the fandom and feel like sharing, if it's with the right intentions, can only ever do good. Right? We'll see... Yeesh 😬 1) I'm a proud Lefty. It's cool functioning on the right side of our brains, in creativity and problem solving. It's not cool however when you have to dine at a large table or try to cut ... well, anything with a pair of scissors. I had a permanent pencil/ pen stain on my side palm for my entire school life. lol I assure you I am not from the devil. That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard and I'm not particularly kind to those who have changed their children from left to right for these reasons. You'd be surprised how many, and how many ppl are AMAZED that you're a lefty. I swear it's about the equivalent of telling them you were a virgin. The wide eyes and gaps .. lol 2) I was an opera major in my undergrad. I say that as if I went on to get more degrees but I didn't hahaahaha. ( wait I can't stop laughing ) ..... Yes. I hold a Bachelors of Music in Vocal performance from Peabody Conservatory of Music of Johns Hopkins University @tuxedos-are-not-suits yup. No, I don't do it now. Funny thing about opera... you kind of have to like the city or traveling and if ur in just the chorus, it doesn't pay the bills. Insurance is also with the Union ... hrumph. I sing where I can, weddings, funerals, stage, and hold the occasional theater podcast or YouTube lessons (bwahaha, Roomfriends.) 3) I can't dive. I never learned. I found out the hard way had an eighth grade pool party with all the cool kids in my new hot two piece bikini, that placing both hands on your head in the manner of a shark fin and squatting to only then fall in the water ... is not diving. Feet first. Always. 4) I got to be the "surprise" witness in court to a man who was a notorious date-raper around campus and was counter suing his own victim for defamation of character. You should've seen the asshole's face when I showed up that day. Proud to tell the whole court and judge that I would've been one of his victims if I hadn't gotten away from him and called the campus shuttle to pick me up. I said "your honor, there is no counter sue needed as I was happy to tell everyone male and female months before this poor victim that he was dangerous, possibly mental, and to stay away from him." God that was an awesome day. I didn't tell my parents till 5 years later , for fear that my father would hunt him down and kill him 😂 5) I can talk through my nose. I don't think it's amazing but apparently everyone and their mother at a party does... lol I can say the ABCs and sing with my mouth closed. It's my stupid human trick. People love that shit for some reason... 6) I once lived with 3 guys in an apartment just like Jess. They weren't as cute , ( nor was I ) and ruined my furniture and left dishes rotting in the sink, ....but I look back on that experience and smile for the couple of mos it was a reality. Guys will do anything to protect and support the chick they live with. It's almost like a brother/sister thing. Maybe that is where my love for 4D comes from? 7) one night "my boys" went out drinking and left me at home alone. A man got into our apartment and then into my bedroom. He fired a gun behind my head to scare me and tied me up. He didn't hurt me but said he would if I screamed again. He took all my family heirloom jewelry ... and my trust in strangers. He made me lay on the bed on my stomach and left me to ransack the apartment. I made the decision to go over to my bedroom door close it and lock it in hopes that maybe if he came back to get me ...he would give up. The plastic phone that was on my bed was easy to get off the hook and I dialed 911 with my tongue. I subconsciously continued to recite the Lord's Prayer , even though I was not "saved" at the time. By the time the police had gotten there in about six of the longest minutes of my life, he was gone. The sound of the police radio was like heaven's choir singing to me. They then untied me and I dropped to my knees crying and the woman policeman told me to my face "we expected to find you dead." It's not pretty, and it took while to get over... but it makes me, me. 8) my two front teeth are veneers. yes. fake. I was born with the "Madonna" gap my mama had as well and I hated it. Almost every day I would try to place my white gum behind my two front teeth so I can make it look like they were too large teeth that went together seamlessly. When I was 15 and my mom was 40 something, we both got veneers, together. I will not disclose how many times I have cracked or chipped them, and on what foods. Let's just say I have the "teeth falling out dreams" all the time, and I don't have a great time in black lighted bars and clubs 😬 9) I was in an abusive marriage before I was reunited with my wonderful hubby. I didn't listen to the warning signs or tell myself the truth and went ahead with it, even though the first time he laid hands on me was 3 mos before the wedding. I was in a loveless and disrespectful marriage for 1.5 yrs. At the third time ( too many) I grabbed the dog and got the hell outta dodge ( or GA ). I keep some of the photos in a box in my closet, so I can tell my daughter about what every woman deserves and that we should always be honest with ourselves. She will always know and understand the true reasons you marry someone. Life isn't perfect, but it's makes me, me. 10) I say "reunited with my hubby" because kids, the fact is, my husband dated my best friend in college. I always thought he was the cutest and funniest and most caring boyfriend that she had ever dated, and when she broke his heart I thought she was friggin nuts. But God has a bigger plan. Nikki's suite mate in college asked her the first day why she had a picture of "Molly" on her desk and she said that's my best friend and the suitemate replied my mom works for her moms preschool. We were friends together for a long time. Fast forward to 10 years later when Nikki has 3 kids, Steph has two and I'm divorced and crying myself to sleep in the bathtub because all of my guy friends are married or short and bald, ....and my future hubbys mom moves ACROSS THE STREET from said Suitemate. She called me. I sped over and ... history was made. He's just as adorable today as he was when we were 19, and I adore him every day. We have two beautiful children ( a boy 3 and a girl 7 ) who are my world, and I thank God every day that fate revealed itself to me. 11) I was/AM a fierce daddy's girl. My father passed away when I was eight and a half months pregnant with my son. He had been sick with stage 4 lung cancer for 6 mos and in and out of the ICU. I watched him die on 9/29 and it was the most difficult and most beautiful thing I have ever witnessed in my entire life. I was able to tell him everything I loved about him and that I will miss him every day of my life. It's been 3 years and I still cry almost once a day. My son is named after him and I will take great pride in teaching him about the man that never got to hold him. I occasionally see him in dreams... but let's be honest, it's never enough. Hug your daddies if u have them on earth still... for me, pls. If you see me preaching about the dangers of smoking, get mad. I don't care. No one else needs to die this way. Especially not those I love. F it. Shit. That's all? I could go on and on ... lol mmkay 11 random facts. Done. Please still be my friend, k? I hope instead of tagging everyone again, some followers will just do it... yasssss do it. You know u want to, and you know you can't be as fucked up as me, right?!? so just go for it!!! Hahaaha PS I love my Roomfriends Love and Life, Molls

[am-i-invisible777]

Why   /part 17/

Part 1, 2, 3, 4, 5 , 6, 7 , 8 , 9, 10 , 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 16.5

Pretty intense chapter here, guys. Just a warning. Heavy themes. 

Soryu didn’t say anything, he continued to stand there. So many emotions were overwhelming my body, anger, fear, sadness. I was done. He still failed to answer me or even look at me.

“Bye Soryu.” I sighed “And I mean it this time…don’t go and try to kidnap me again.” I glared at his back one final time before turning and exiting the alley the opposite way he pulled me in from, only reason was the walls seemed to get closer, so I know he couldn’t fit through like I could. My smaller frame allowed me to squeeze pass the narrow pathway he couldn’t possibly try to fit through. I popped out from the other side and began my trip back to the hotel like I had initially wanted.

“Hey! Hey girl! Mary Sue, stop walkin’!” a voice called out. Not knowing they were talking to me or who they actually were, I kept walking. I froze when I felt a small hand firmly grip my shoulder. In a split second, I grabbed the hand and spun around, turning it in an uncomfortable position. I brought my other hand up, ready to strike if necessary, only to freeze once again when I saw who it was.

“Huh…so he did teach ya some sort of self defense…”

“K-koi…Koibito?” I asked, shocked.

“Oh, please, call me Koi. All my friends do.”

“…Koibito…”

“Hm. Alright, be that way.” She pulled her hand free without effort and pouted a little.

“Koibito…what…what ah…”

“…What am I doin here?” she said and I shook my head.

“No. Well, yes but, I meant to ask…what happened to your voice?” Earlier, I recalled just how…uh…bad her voice sounded. Now it sounded soft and mature with a bit of a country American accent. A southern drawl as some call it.

“Oh…ya mean thissss?” she asked, voice changing and screeching at the end of ‘this’. I cringed and nodded. “Did you really believe I sounded like that?” she questioned with a small smile tugging at her lips.

“Um…maybe…” I mumbled. She playfully rolled her eyes and leaned back a little bit. I noticed that she had apparently lost her heels and was completely barefoot. Strange.

“That voice is jus an act….This whole thing is an act.” She said and looked at me seriously.

“Wait, what?”

“I just saw you with Oh, did he tell you about The White Dragons?” She said and looked around. I had almost forgotten what had just happened and glared.

“Yeah…he told me…whore.” I spat. I hated this woman, her father, and everything she is a part of. Why should I be kind to her?

“Yeah…that’s what they call me…” she sighed and looked down.

“Huh?” Woah, more weakness…

“Daddy’s Whore…that’s what everyone calls me.” She said looking up at me with an unreadable expression. She saw my face scrunch up in confusion and she sighed. “Might as well tell ya. Probably the only way to even try to gain an ounce of yer trust…”

“Yeah right.” I snorted. Yet, I was curious… “Tell me what?” She stayed quiet for a few seconds, deep in thought, and looked from me to the floor a couple times. She finally sighed louder than she did before and looked me right in my eyes.

“Six.” She said.

“…six what?”

“Six.” She said again.

“What does six mean?” I asked a little too aggressively.

“That was how old I was when I became a sex slave.”

My mouth dropped and my eyes widened. Surely that couldn’t be possible. “But…but isn’t that-“

“Illegal? Oh no, we did something against the law!” she said sarcastically and I realized how silly my comment was.

“I…I meant…that’s just…horrible. I can’t imagine how a child could possibly go through that.” I didn’t like Koibito not even a little…but I began to feel bad for her. My soft heart began to ache for her childhood. She shrugged and picked at her nails.

“Most of the memories are tucked down deep in my subconscious…can’t even remember much.” she mumbled.

“Still, that’s…that’s just…”

“That’s not all.” She said, and I dreaded the next words to come out of her mouth. “Well I...I had my first child at 14.”

“That young?!” she nodded and her mouth twitched.

“I’ve had six children so far. This one-“she says and looks at her stomach, almost scared of it. “-makes lucky number seven.”    

“T-that many?! Where are they?”

“Gone. They were sold to human trafficking agencies. Didn’t even get to name some of them…” her voice cracked slightly and I could see tears forming in her eyes.

“Oh Koibito…” I don’t think I’ve heard much worse than that and I immediately felt guilty for all the times I dragged her name through the dirt. “I’m sorry…”

“Don’t go and pity me now. It…got better…”

“Anything is better than the life you lived before…” I gently placed my hand on her shoulder and she stared at it.

“Yeah…you’re right…” she whispered.

“So…what happened?” I asked, hoping I wasn’t pushing my boundaries.

“Well…I got ‘rescued’ by this group of really nice guys. Think they were cops or something…don’t remember.” she said and made bunny ears with her fingers at the word ‘rescued’ and moved them. 

“Why’d you say rescued like that?”

“Cuz bout a year or three later my dad and his men found me and killed the guys who saved me.” She glared at nothing and I saw her eye twitch a little. Ugh, I shouldn’t have asked.  “Anyway…during that time, I learned important stuff, like self defense and how to fight and use a gun.”

“Speaking of guns, do you…?” before I could finish she reached into her bra and pulled out a handgun.

“Yup.”

“Ah…” Okay, feeling somewhat uneasy.

“After that, I was used as a tool. If men wanted to negotiate with my father, they’d have to be with me. It was one of the ways he made money.” She said, safely tucking the gun back.

“Koibito that’s so wrong! He…he’s your father!”

“Yeah, well, didn’t stop him from using me like the other women in his life.” She grumbled and crossed her arms.

“What happened to your mother?” I asked and she fell silent. Her beautiful eyes looked at me and she bit her lip, carefully thinking her next actions through. Finally, she brought her hand up to her neck and slid her finger across it, making a slicing sound with her mouth. I held my own neck in response. “R-really?”

“Yup…stuck it on a spike and put it in my room.” She said and looked away. “We never found out who did it, we suspected this Japanese group but never got confirmation. Ever since then my dad was never the same…and became obsessed with beheading.” I remembered Soryu saying he got a photo with blood around my neck and gulped. She noticed my reaction and grimaced a little. “Yeah, uh, they…they totally would have done the same to you if Oh hadn’t done something so soon.”

“Um…Koibito…how old were you when your mother…left?” I asked, trying to change the subject from me to her.

“…six.” She responded. Ah…now it’s starting to all come together.    

“What happened…with your brother?” I asked slowly.

“Your boyfriend’s men killed him. After that…I was forced to marry whoever dad wanted me to and didn’t get any say in anything.” She sighed and ran her hand through her hair. “For the good of the White Dragons...”

“I…he’s…he’s not…” I started but stopped, not knowing what to say. Koibito’s eyes widened and she looked panicked for a split second before composing herself. 

“Oh…right, of…of course…” she looked away from me and chewed on her lip again while fidgeting with her hands. It was weird…seeing this side of her and hearing this side of her story. Right now, she doesn’t even seem like the same person I saw lying under Soryu in that dark room. She looks…different. She’s…absolutely adorable.

“Listen I…I never wanted to hurt you. I’m sorry. Really I am. I tried to get out of it, believe me I did. Why do ya think I faked that god awful voice or threatened to hurt you? Thought maybe if I put on a good enough show I’d push Mr. Oh back to you but…didn’t work the way I planned…”

“But…but what about all that threatening stuff you said earlier?” I asked, remembering her scary tone and glare.

“I didn’t mean it. I did that so it seemed like he could choose between the two of us. Though if I were being perfectly honest here, if he had chosen me I don’t think I’d be able to stop myself from smacking him upside his head” she mumbled the last part and I smiled.

“Heh, I don’t think I’d stop you either…” I admitted and she looked at me for a moment before bursting out with laughter. Her beautiful laugh is too contagious and I found myself laughing with her.  

“So…are we…okay?” she said after our laughing subsided, wiping a small tear from her eye. I ruminated over her question for a bit before answering.

“I-“

Suddenly, I was cut off by a series of bullets firing not too far away from where we stood. My eyes locked with an equally wide and fearful pair of blue ones.

“Koibito?”

“Shit.”

“What’s going on?”

“Shit. Shit. Shit. Damn, this is bad…”

“Koi?”

“Fucking...shit biscuits...” she cursed under her breath and gritted her teeth.

The gunshots got louder and I huddled closer to Koibito, scared. She gripped my arm tightly before pulling me away and looking at me seriously.

“Run.”

“Wha?”

“Ya heard me, run!” she threw me behind her and I stumbled trying not to fall. “Don’t go to the hotel, they’ll find you easier that way.”

“K-koibito, what’s going on?” she looked back at me and opened her mouth to respond when two large men appeared rounding a corner heading straight for us.

“Shit…”

“Who are they?!” I yelled and Koibito pulled out her gun, aiming it at the goons.

“Now I ain’t gonna tell you again! Get out of here, and no matter what you hear, just run faster.”  I began to protest until she looked back at me with sad eyes. “…please…just go…”

I slowly nodded and turned on my heel, running as fast as I could. Running for my life and, doing as she said, not looking back as I heard a barrage of bullets on my tail. ‘Where do I go, where do I go…?’ I thought. I had no idea and every place seemed like a danger zone. So, I did the only thing I could think of; run faster as the tears threatened to spill out of my eyes.

The two men growled at Koibito as she stared at them with intensity. The smaller one aimed his gun at me as I was running away and Koibito snarled.

“If you so much as try to shoot her I’ll kill you with my bare hands…”

They looked at each other and laughed.

“You, kill me? Ha, cute.”

“Daddy’s little whore is a little feisty today, hm?”

The goons laughed again and Koibito closed her eyes before opening them up again, looking at them with a smirk.

“Heh, yeah…” she clicked her gun “…that’s what they call me.”

Ah...I’m sorry. No I’m not. This chapter is 5 days late, sorry y’all. @donnaintx, @teacupdreams, @dayspringsylph, @random-writen-words, @hifftn, @lone-wolf155, @sketchbidders  

[perksofbeinginagay]

Dan

The day is warm, with a lingering sense of excitement, first day back after our school break. My foot nervously taps the ground as I eat my breakfast, wanting the food from my bowl to disappear slower, to delay school for as long as possible.

"What are you nervous about?" Phil asks me, trying to straighten my flower crown from behind me.

"Nothing." I lie. I don't normally lie but I don't want to cause a riot. Phil's a very overprotective boyfriend, and lately at school I've been getting picked on by this boy called max and his girlfriend Ella. If Phil were to find out about this, then lets just say there would be some blood shed.

"Okay," he nods, his hand reaching down to rub my thigh, "Ready to go to school?"

"Yeah," I mutter.

Before we walk out the door I decide to slip my floral crown off, just incase I loose it today. We get to Phil's bike and he passes me my helmet. We driving there, him sitting in front of me with my arms wrapped tightly around his waist, I take the time to ponder, about everything. Our existence, the point of death, what happens before and after death, you could say it's the dark side of sweet little Dan, with his pastel sweaters and rainbow closet. I guess you could say that it's the reason I was born to this 'lifestyle.' The idea of having someone take care of me, love me.

"Alright have a good day at school." He smiles, pecking a kiss onto my cheek.

"Thanks, bye." I smile, before he drives off.

I enter the school grounds looking around nervously for Max and Ella. After a little while of scanning the crowd I come to the conclusion that they aren't here. Deciding that I'm safe I subconsciously begin searching for Brandon in the crowd of people, to ask him a couple questions. But before I can finish looking for him I feel a presence from behind me, "Helllll!." The voice sings.

I turn around with a wide grin on my face "Alex!" I exclaim, tackling him into a strangling hug. "I'm back!" He laughs, stumbling back.

Alex is a very good friend of mine, my best friend actually. he left school to go on a one year trip to different countries to perform, he's an actor you see. A typical drama nerd, messy hair, a beanie and scarf (which always works very well with his brown skin), and a goofy smile.

"Daniel." A gruff voice speaks, I swing around to see brandon, with his piercings and inked skin, looking as scary as ever.

I hear Alex's voice stifle, slightly hiding behind me in terror. I just occurred to me that I had only become seriously intimate with Phil after he left.

"Who's this?" He questions in his low voice.

"This is my friend Alex! He just got back from an acting tour!" I beam.

"Oh," he lightens up, "Hello Alex, nice to meet you," he says before adding on a little quieter, "any problems and I'm here,” before walking off.

"W-who was that?!" Alex exclaims, clearly horrified.

"I guess you could call him my bodyguard. He looks after me."

"Why?! And since when do you need a bodyguard? Did you become a famous author?" He quizzes, poking my arm.

"No," I giggle, "He's in my boyfriend's gang."

"What? You have a boyfriend? Do you have a photo?" He gets riled up, clearly intrigued.

"Yeah." I giggle, showing him my lock screen, a selfie I took of both of us, him kissing my cheek.

"I ship it." He mumbles, before I slap his shoulder playfully.

We go the rest of the school day interrupted, joking and messing about, but with Brandon always somewhat close by. Who can blame him though? Phil would have his ass if I got hurt. When I get home I dump all my bags onto the ground the the corner of Phil and I's bedroom.

"Phil?" I call.

Nothing.

"Phil?" I call again.

"Upstairs" He answers back this time.

"I want to take a nap, can you sleep with me?" I ask.

He jogs down the stairs and helps me get out of my school uniform until I'm just in boxers. We both slip into the bed and he wraps his arms around me, pulling me close to his chest. Slowly, slowly I fall into the drowse of sleep, taking me away to an impossible world. Preferably without Max and Ella. ••••••••• The next day at school went a little bit…. very terrible. First of all, I fell over and smashed into 3 people, then I dropped my books everywhere, Ella called me fat before 10am and Max has shoved me into a wall. It was when I walked into an open locker door brandon decided that he should stay near me.

"I'm sorry Dan but you seem so nervous, like you know something going to happen, unless you can tell me so that I can sort it out I'm going to linger near you" He explains.

I pull my bottom lip in between my teeth and chew on it anxiously, "No, I'm fine, just a bit anxious haha." I lie.

"You told Phil that everything at school is fine, right?"

"um.. yes?" I mumble, not completely sure what he's getting at.

"Alright, so you know if I find out that it's not you know I have to call him, right?"

I gulp, "Yeah yeah" I reply nervously.

All would be good if I didn't tell him that everything's fine and since it's not, that would be considered lying.

"I'm in so much trouble." I mutter under my breath hoping that he didn't hear me.

"When you first bell rings you tell me what class you are in, I will walk you there, after class you wait for me, okay?' He explains.

"Yeah yeah." I mutter.

The bell rings and I show him the class I'm in. The class is awfully boring, just an old guy droning on and on about Henry VII and is 6 wives or whatever. You would think you wouldn't need to know more about it then a stupid rhyme "Divorced, Beheaded, Died: Divorced, Beheaded, Survived" but there's even more useless shit to remember. The lunch bell rings and I begin waiting patiently for brandon in the classroom when Ella and Max come up to me. This is the moment I realised I'm fucked.

"Hello little gay boy." Ella picks up my flower crown and throws it across the room. "Oops," she grins.

"Why are you guys so horrible?" I ask backing up into the wall.

Max is about to say something until he's cut off my brandon "Dan where are- HEY!" He yells.

Both ella and max step back from me and look at Brandon. Brandon enters the room at a fast pace, clearly angry... or worried; more like a mixture of both actually.

"Oh hi Brandon, like to help us with this little shit?" Max asks.

"No."

"What? I thought you were the bad boy of the school?" Ella teases.

"Just cause I'm a 'bad boy' doesn't mean I don't enjoy living, and you should too, cause I happen to know that the leader of my gang have quite a temper, especially when it's to do with his boy." His voice comes out gruff, in a mocking tone, adding to the uneasiness in the room.

But of course he pulled that one. No one really knows who Phil is, expect me and Brandon of course, but wow do they hear about him. Everyone hears about him, the rumours of the dangerous gang leader who can kill you with a look. Max and Ella look at each other and slowly leave the room and Brandon takes his phone out of his pocket.

"I'm calling Phil." He mutters.

"No!!!!" I whine, similar to a 5 year old.

"How long has this been going on?" He asks, putting the phone to his ear.

"Three months." I mutter, defeated.

"Hi Phil?" He starts. "Yeah I'm just with Dan right now, yes. No he's been getting bullied. Yes. No. Yes. Yes. I don't know. Hold on," He chats. "He wants to talk to you." He passes me the phone.

"Hello?" I ask into the phone.

"Who and Where?” Is a he says.

“Phil leave it please,”

“Fine, I will for now, but we're talking when you get home. Bye now.”

I hang up and pass the phone back to Brandon, who looks at me and slips it into his pocket. He looks at the ground for a couple seconds, fiddling with his fingers.

"So... how fucked are you?" He asks.

"He's going to kill me when I get home." I laugh half heartedly. I stand up and fetch my flower crown from across the room. •••••••• I sit on the couch cross legged, barefoot and jumper on, my sleeves covering my hands to create sweater paws, scrolling through twitter on my phone. Phil comes up behind me, jumping over the couch and sitting next to me.

"What ya' doing daniel?" He asks.

"Internet." I reply flatly, only half paying attention.

"Look at me." He speaks coldly.

Instantly I turn to him to see his cold blue eyes staring at me. The eyes are doors to the soul, as some may say, and from what I'm seeing, I think I might be in trouble. My brain runs through everything that could have happened make him act like this, but I can't think of think of anything.

"Whats wrong?" He almost whispers, “what are they doing?”

"Nothing, it's fine, It doesn't matter I promise okay?”

"Okay," he pulls my into a hug "I'm always here if you need me okay?"

I nod slowly, my head buried into the crook of his neck. Anxiety is taking lately, phil offers me a strange form of comfort, like a warm blanket. His scent of sweat and new leather, even though his jacket is 3 years old, his smooth pale skin and calming voice.

"Come on now," He says softly, "We’re having a meeting."

We head to the meeting on his bike, driving quickly through the traffic. When we get to the small square, he parks the bike in a corner and gets off it. I take my helmet off and sit cross legged on the bike. I'm not really in the gang but I come with Phil anyways cause it's fun to talk to the other members.

"How you going Dan?" Cassy asks as she comes up to me.

"Okay."

"Phil being a bit strict lately?"

"Kinda." I huff.

"Oh don't get moody," Jason laughs, another member in the gang arriving and pulling his helmet off.

"Who's what?" Phil asks coming back over.

I shoot a quick glare to Jason and Cassy saying 'oh please don't.'

"Nothing don't worry." Cassy assures and I almost let out a sigh in relief.

The rest of the gang of about 15 people all follow Phil into the middle of the quad. Before the meeting starts though Brandon comes up to me and tells me that I can sit on his bike. I excitedly run over to his bike and sit on it. Phil looks up for a second and smiles at me, sending butterflies through my stomach.

Halfway through the meeting I see a sight I never thought I would see here. Max.

"Oh look it's Howell!" He yells. "Oh you all alone? Wouldn't have expected less from a loner like you!"

Everyone in the gang stops talking and turns around. They all step into view of max. They must have terrified him, 14 or so punk kids… well 20 something year olds.

"Oh fuck. So which one of you is the worst!?!" He yells, but then mumbles "cause you're all bloody scary."

"I am." Phil growls, coming out from the crowd, his voice is deep, but not as deep as the one he uses with me.

Phil slowly advances on him. Brandon and Cassy run over to me and turn me around so that I'm not looking and one of the other girls blocks my ears. I sit there wide eyed as the commotion goes on around me. When its over Eleanor unblocks my ears and Phil comes over to me.

"Hey baby." He smiles, pulling me up and onto his hip, letting me wrap my legs around his waist. I notice a little blood on the corner of his lip and I wipe it off with my thumb.

"Thanks Poppet."

••••••

Throughout the day I continually play will my collar, pulling at it and moving it around. When it comes to fourth period I realise I have english. I hate english. The teacher's horrible to me, he treats me like scum, and constantly calls on me. Dick.

I enter the classroom with my head down. Immediately the teacher stops talking for a second and I almost run to my desk. Theres are strange lingering sense in the air, like the entire class is scared shitless. I write notes in my book, and sketch a little. Our teacher sounds a little strange today, maybe he finally got the stick out of his ass.

Suddenly a hand slams down on the desk, making me jump a little. I still don't look up. The hand isn't old and wrinkly, it's slender, and pale. The other hand lightly grabs a hold of my chin, lifting my head up. I'm met with two large blue eyes. I almost fall off my chair, but he grabs my hand and pulls me strongly towards him so that the chairs upright.

"Hello pretty boy."

My mouth fails at responding. What do I say? Do I call him Phil? Lester? What?

"W-why are you here." I whisper.

"Well Daniel, I'm not your teacher, I'm not anyone's teacher. Actually the only reason I'm here is because I'm supposed to be talking about something, so any questions?

First Charlie puts his hand up. "So you're the leader of the gang Brandons in?"

"Yes."

"Could you tell us about it."

"Darling the only people in this room that will ever know anything is me and Daniel."

"Actually it's Daniel and I." One of the boys who I never really caught the name of speaks up.

"Does it looks like I give a shit?" Phil mutters in a dangerously low voice that seems to scare the shit out of everyone in the room. Expect for me, cause honestly, Phil can manage a lot scarier tone.

"How are you not terrified?" Alex asks me.

"I'm used to it I guess." I mumble.

"Now hopefully none of you will ever have to see me again." Phil speaks out to the class in a strong assertive tone. "If we do there's a serious issue."

One of the jocks in the class puts his hand up.

"What if we join your gang?"

"You won't."

"What about Brandon and Dan?"

"Daniel," He pauses for a second looking at me and smiling brightly. "Is not in the gang. And Brandon is two years older than all of you and in 6th form." (A/n:Last year of school)

The lunch bell rings and we all start collecting our stuff. I decide to stay late just to figure out what is ever going on currently.

"Phil, what's going on?" I ask.

"Huh? Oh Yeah I was supposed to teach the kids of the importance of staying in school." He explains.

"You are literally the shittiest person to do that." I laugh.

"Hey!" He defends himself. "I have an english major degree thank you very much!"

"Alright smart boy." I tease.

"Yeah.. alright bye, love you." I lean forward and peck his lips before leaving the classroom.

Alex is standing outside of the class waiting for me when I leave. We begin walking to our lockers and for some reason it feels like everyone is a little more terrified of me. Huh. ••••••• Phil "Alright listen up!" I yell getting everyone's attention. "Cassy and Alex, you two are going after Marcus Miguire." I inform.

"Just for payment?" Alex asks.

"Yes." I answer, "Jason, Elise, Matt, Jessica and jasmine, I need you five to go after Rachel Pitcher."

"Why?" Jason ask.

"Cause I said- sorry, habit. She hasn't paid, well she's refusing to."

"Oh."

"Marcus owes us three thousand and Rachel owes us 1 thousand," I tell them, "off you go."

"Now," I say turning to the remaining people, "anyone want to be on Dan duty."

"I will." Brandon says.

"No you won't I need you."

"I can." James speaks up, "I've fractured my wrist anyways."

"Thank you, you know where he is."

"The remainder of you, we have a murder." I smile.

Our business is fairly well known. We have more of the same clients, but it's all very lowkey and we just keep the same clients, they can tell their friends if they trust them enough.

The murder part of my job is something I don't tell a lot of people. That group of people means anyone not in my gang. That includes not telling Dan.

"Who?"

"Guess."

"Donald trump!" Brandon yells.

"I wish."

"No, is it Alexander's brother in law?"

"Ding ding ding ding ding! Now let's go, you all know where it is."

Everyone pulls their bikes up and makes sure to stay silent. I readjust my gloves and Brandon hands me a knife. I look around, nodding to the others to make sure they're okay.

We begin walking towards the house.

•••••••• The knife is gripped in my gloved hand, as I carefully pace around the red hallways of the house.

I'm not scared, nor do I feel any empathy for the person I'm about to kill. It's been thought that I have psychopathic tendencies; sure, maybe I do. However I care about Dan, I care about Brandon. I'm not a Psychopath, I have the tendencies of one, but I'm not one. I have trouble feeling empathy, doesn't mean I can't.

I side step into what seems to be the living room of the structure. A fire is on in the corner and Kayden (Alexander's brother) is sitting in the chair.

I sneak up behind him and give him a sharp knock on the back of the head, pushing him forward and knocking him out.

I gesture for the rest of the group to come in and begin setting up.

"No cameras?" I ask Brandon as I slip the knife into my pocket.

"Not even a security system, idiot." He mutters, rolling his eyes.

I pick up the body and carry it to the noose which had been set up by everyone else, I slip him through the rope and let him drop. He swings back and hits his head. After a minute or so I check his pulse. Nothing.

I nod and we leave.

time skip hop thingy

"Daniel?" I call, walking into out house.

He's sitting at a computer with a friend, who turns around and exclaims "holy shit! It's another punk guy!"

I head over to Dan and check him, squishing his cheeks. I tap his lip and he leans forward and kisses me with a large grin on his face.

James comes out with a gun, "put it down!" I yell at him.

"Sorry I heard yelling and-" I cut him off,

"Faster next time." I smile, "but good job."

Dan's friend turns around and almost falls off his chair once he gets a proper look at me.

"You live with him?!" He yells.

"Um yeah.." Dan mutters.

"Well then, what do you want for dinner?" I ask.

"Stir fry?" Dan suggests.

"Sure, would you like to stay?" I ask his friend.

"Um yeah sure."

"James you're dismissed." I mutter.

He nods and heads off. I'm about to leave the room to head to the kitchen until Dan pipes up.

"Why do you have gloves on?"

Shit.

"It's cold," I lie.

I walk into the kitchen to begin making dinner. I chop up all the vegetables and but the noodles in boiling water. I realise I left my bag in the lounge room. My legs carry my over to the living room and I pick my bag up. When I walk past Dan again I grab his head and give him a quick kiss on the temple, but before I can pull away he grabs my head and pushes his lips to mine. I smile as I walk back into the kitchen.

"So how did you meet?" Alex asks while we're both sitting in the dining room eating. Dans tracing over the patterns in my blue blobby tattoo near my elbow. I don't really know why I got that one, its a bunch of lines making blobs all pushed together in different shades of blue.

"Dan dropped his flower crown and I picked it up for him." I tell him.

"Such a gentleman huh?" Alex laughs.

"Sure lets go with that." Dan laughs back.

"Hey,"

"Oh sorry," Dan spits sarcastically.

It's taking every muscle in my body and all the willpower I have not to pick him up and slam him against a wall. I send a small glare to him, not enough for alex to notice but he catches •••••• Brandon- Alex, James and I have been spending the weekend with the rookie. Phil had decided that we need more help due to him getting busier with Dan, and it didn't help that James is out of work for a couple more weeks.

Originally Phil had just wanted us to spend an hour or so with him. He was a popular drug dealer, who we asked to join the gang. Despite selling weed he was actually a cool guy.

We were sitting on a stone wall in front of a patch of grass. A boy in white jeans and a light pink jumper, falling off his shoulders walks by. The jumpers so lowly cut that you can see his collar bones.

Harry, the new rookie, eyes him up and down, "ew there's a faggot." He snarls to us.

I almost fall off the wall, Alex's eyes widen and James' chokes on his food.

"You might not want to say that.. Especially about him. Definitely not him."

"Why?"

"That's- thats-" I try to explain but I can't stop laughing.

"That's Phil's boyfriend." James finishes and I actually fall off the wall while laughing.

I pull myself up and sit back on the wall. Harry's jaw is gaping open in shock.

"Oh fuck. Oh fuck," he whispers "shit. Thank fucking god you guys aren't homophobic or anything. I thought you guys would be 'cause you're in a gang. Oh shit you won't tell him will you?"

Alex laughs as well, "no we won't."

"Want to meet him? You'll have to get used to him. Phil brings dan around a lot." I propose.

"Sure."

"DAN! OVER HERE!" I call out. Dan swings around and his face lights up. He walks over to us quickly.

"Hi guys." He smiles and proceeds to pull himself up onto the wall.

"Hi I'm Harry," Harry grins at Dan.

"Hi I'm dan, yay small talk. You're new aren't you?"

"Yeah aha."

Dan taps his fingers on the sandstone of the wall for a couple seconds before I decide to break the ice, "so where's Phil?"

"Oh he's at home."

"He let you leave?" James asks, slightly shocked.

"Jeez you don't think he holds me captive do you?," he giggles.

Dan was slightly flushed. You could always notice a difference from when he was with Phil to when he isn't. He goes from a small, cute, shy boy with a large grin to a slightly bigger, still cute, not as shy boy with a just as large grin.

"What?" Harry asks, slightly confused.

"You'll figure it out later." I mumble.

"You're a lot more fun." Alex notices.

"Thanks boo." Dan jokes. If you knew dan you would know saying something like that around Phil would never happen. And if It did it would be to piss Phil off, "hold on I got to get this, it's Phil," he mutters, taking out his ringing phone, shooting us an apologetic look. I give him a small smile, signalling not to worry about it.

"Hi daddy," he mumbles.

Next to me, Harry puts two and two together and almost falls off the wall himself.

"Ooh," he whispers.

"Yeah Ohhh," I whisper back.

"No I'm just sitting with Alex, James and Brandon." Dan continues talking over the phone, "no far from it. All's good.... .... Oh yeah the new ones here too.. Harry right? Yeah. Yeah I like him. I won't. Okay. Sure. Love you too.... Bye... Yeah? I don't know, couple hours maybe. Okay. Sure. Love you, bye."

We all look at him. The science is almost deadly. You can hear everything around us, the rustle of leaves, the birds in the trees, a couple girls giggling together a couple meters away.

"Boyfriends am I right?"

"We're all straight dan."

"I'm bi." Harry says.

"Boyfriends am I right?" He repeats, giggling.

Phil- If my fucked up parents have taught me anything it's that if you don't want anyone to see a piece of paper, you burn it.

Dan's gone out for a while, so this is the perfect opportunity to get rid of evidence. I light the corner of the contract I had with a client. I shake it until I'm satisfied with the fire and put it down. Laying a couple other documents over that first one.

The flame takes too long to spread for my liking, I pick up the paper with two sticks and shake it about for a little. I put it back down and pick up a stapled contract, one of the larger ones, which reached up to 2 centimetres thick. I light a couple matches and push them into the middle for good measure. The middle of it lights up. My hand shakes it a bit before dropping into the flames.

When the flame eventually goes out I prod at the soot and ashes with a stick, making sure that no ink is left behind.

The click of the door comes from the hallway. The stick is dropped and I lunge across the room to the kitchen, fumbling toward the pantry I open it.

"Hey," the voice chimes.

"Hello," I mutter back, picking up a packet of chips and putting them on the island.

Dan's face lights up and he moves forward to come behind the bench with me. The bag is opened and he dives his hands into the packet and grabs a handful, stuffing them into his mouth.

"How was your day, Phil?" His voice comes out muffled from the impossible amount of food that has been shoved down his throat.

I raise my eye brows and pull my hand off the bench, reaching down to wear he stands next to me and delivering a quick sharp smack to his bum. He perks up and let's out a small whine before apologising.

"Now, let's have some fun shall we?"

••••••• Dan Phil moves his mouth to my neck and trails his lips lightly down the skin.

"Not my neck, come on......" I whine loudly, making him laugh softly as he picks up my leg.

I wrap my leg around his waist, jumping up with the other, his hands moving to hold me in place as he walks to the bedroom. He drops me on the bed and climbs in between my thighs, running his hands under my shirt before eventually pulling it off and throwing it to the opposite end of the room. He shuffles himself up, giving him the opportunity to sit near my hips and grind down onto me.

"Come on, this isn't fair." I whine.

He laughs, almost phycostically.

I whine even more, bucking my hips up a bit for friction. He unbuttons his own shirt and pulls it off, discarding it to the side of the room. I can feel my cock hardening against my jeans, making them even tighter than what they usually are, seeing as I like to find jeans that squish my legs as much as possible. Admittedly, it always pissed Phil off as they're usually so tight that they are definitely not catering to easy access. Now that I think about it that's probably why he usually likes me in just underwear.

"Actually, how about we be a little naughty." He whispers into my ear, as he continues to palm me through my jeans. I raise an eyebrow and let out a soft 'huh' breathlessly. "Somewhere in Europe there's a law that you can't have sex on a parked motorbike. Why don't we break it baby?"

I giggle softly to the idea and nod my head. He picks me up and I wrap my legs around his waist. He carries me outside and places me on his motorbike, which is parked in our backyard.

He moves around for a couple seconds and finishes undressing both of us, leaving our clothes on the grass. He lays on the motorbike, propping himself up against the handles and urges me to come closer.

He sits me on his lap and softly moves his fingers to my hole, pushing one in and slowly moving it around. After a couple minutes another finger is added and the pace is quickened.

"Daddy please hurry up." I moan. His fingers slip out and he picks up some 'protection' as he likes to call it when he pretends to be a virgin. (Which, come on, no one is falling for that, but somehow confusing the cashiers at the newsagent by tripping over his words trying to explain what a condom is seems to be a good use of his time.) He picks up the bottle of lube he brought out and squeezes it into his hand, lathering up his dick.

The cool touch of his hands are bput onto my hips and he lines me up and pulls me down, causing my head to snap back and to let out a loud and hungry moan.

"Do you like that baby?" He asks softly, as I grind down again, "do you like riding daddy's cock like a bicycle?" (A/n: I'm so so sorry)

I roll my eyes at the terrible joke and grip his hair, scratching at his head. He rubs his hands up and down the curves of my waist before he moves his hands down to my crotch, beginning to stroke me.

"Daddy, daddy please," I cry out, putting both hands on his thighs. He giggles and takes his hand away from me to put one finger to his lips, asking me to quiet down, before moving it back and continuing to work at me. "Harder, please," I whisper, his hips begin to buck up into me, frantically hitting my prostate.

"Wait for me baby," he mutters when I stutter out a weak 'close.' He hurries up, fucking into me harder, the sweat beginning to gather on my face despite the cold nature of the air. My stomach feels deep and my hairs definitely curled. A warm feeling surfaces in my ass as his body relaxes and I take that as the sign to cum. I spasm a little as the cum is shot out, landing on Phil's chest.

He pulls out of me and picks up the bits of cum with his fingers and dropping them in my mouth.

"Alright up, we just had sex on my bike," he says, smacking my ass lightly, asking me to get up. It hits me that we just had sex on his beloved bike, god I hope I didn't do anything to it.

I begin pulling my clothes back on. While I do, I check of the bike to make sure there isn't any scratches on it. I see a little bit of blood where Phil's knee usually sits.

"Daddy are you bleeding?" I ask, my voice being muffled slightly by the jumper I pull on.

"No darling I'm fine," he smiles, putting his belt back around him.

I look at the smear of blood on the bike, it's very dark, so it must be old. A couple days old at least. Weird. ••••••• Phil

"No Dan I'm going out okay? You're misbehaving far too much and I'm sick of it. I'll text you when I'm coming back, and I swear to fucking god, if you are not on your knees with your head bowed at this door, so god help me." I growl as I leave the house, "and if you dare to look me in the eye without permission, I'll belt you so hard that you'll never be able to sit down again." I add before slamming the door.

I've never left him before like that. Usually k can handle him, he's not difficult, just grab him but the hair, yank him over your lap and slap him till he's fine, he deserves it too. Brat.

I haven't killed anyone in 3 months now. I've been itching to as well. I could feel myself wanting to wrap my hands around his throat and just squeeze until his lunges gave out and he stopped screaming. I wanting to grab him and snap his neck or throw him into our glass table, cover the shards in his blood and watch as he slowly bleeds to death. But I can't do that, no ones allowed to hurt my darling boy, he must never be harmed.

"Brandon? Alex? Where are you guys?" I ask through the phone.

"Lake Vinnal with Harry, why?"

"I'm coming," I mutter, hang up. I drive my bike through the streets to the lake. I park it and get off, walking over to the group of three sitting on the dock.

"Where's dan?" Alex asks first.

"I left him," I mutter angrily. Everyone including Harry gasps. I realise what they're probably thinking I meant so I correct myself, "I left him at my place. He threw a tantrum, I could feel myself wanting to strangle him."

Brandon nods slowly, completely understanding how I can get sometimes "Alexia Badwornton?" He suggests, "I've been tracking her for months now, she's should be at a party... Right about now," Brandon smiles, clearly happy with his research.

"Let's go then," I mutter, Brandon opens his eyes wide and begins to protest on if it would be too full to be able to do anything with.

We make it to the party, there was a fairly long like and a bouncer outside, this particular club lacked cameras, but security was high. Sounds modest to say, but in an action movie, the entire scene of Brandon, Alex, Harry and I walking up to the gate would be put in slow motion while highway to hell played in the background.

I walked up to the gate with the bouncer, he smiles at us and moves out of the way of the door. "Hey! Why don't they need to wait!?" Some girl exclaims.

Brandon mutters something along the lines of "phil, leave it," before I turn around and glare at her. "That's because only one person says no to me," "Why's that?" "Cause I'm not a cheater or a rapist."

We head back into the club, and begin looking around for alexia. After only 10 minutes I see a face that matches the photo Brandon sent me. She's dancing in the middle of the floor, slipping the drink a her hand, she looks so happy. Too bad.

Slowly, I move towards her and place my hands on her shoulders, she turns around and smiles, mumbling something drunkly. We dance for a little bit before I say that I need to go to the bathroom, followed by a 'meet me there in 2,' and a wink.

I walk away from her, nodding to Harry who stands in the corner. I head of out the foggy and sweaty environment to the bathrooms which seem to me cooler and clearer. I know on the disabled bathroom door and Alex opens it. Both him and Brandon walk it as I slip in the back for a bit.

I stand in silence until Alexia comes into the room, smiling. I close my eyes softly for a second before walking towards her and placing my hands on her shoulders. It's clear the wants to kiss me and do... Other things. But I couldn't, because dan.

A/n: graphic She closes her eyes and moves her lips to my shoulder, I whack her hard on the side of the head, making her drop to the side, limp. I grasp her hair on the side of her head and lift it up a little, before smashing it to the ground. I repeat the same movements, using all my strength, cracking her skull over the cold tiles.

The adrenaline pumps through my veins, the calming sight of blood as is oozes over the white marble ties. I get some water from the sink and pace in on the toilet seat before placing my foot up on in and mimicking the way a foot would fall from it, to create a skid mark.

I walk over to the window jumping up and pulling myself out with the upper body strength I've somehow gained (admittedly some of it would be from work and some of it would be from picking up dan.) I close the window behind me before dropping down to the ground in the bushes.

"Good?" Harry asks. I nod slowly, "you?" "Found four clients," he smiles proudly.

I take my phone out to send a quick text to dan, "well boys, I need to go deal with my brat," I smile sadly at them, "I just want to go home and cuddle him," I sigh.

When I get back to the house and open the door Dan's there, on his knees, head bowed. I move forward and place my hands delicately under his chin. I lift his head up a bit and he keeps his eyes on the floor.

"Good boy," I mutter softly, "come on, stand up, just can look at me dan,"

" I'm sor-"

"No. I'm sorry I lashed out.. I was angry and... And I just left cause I didn't want to- to- it doesn't matter," I stutter over my words.

He stares at me with his beautiful brown eyes, his dry lips cracked slightly, he takes a deep breath before quickly moving towards me and wrapping me in a tight hug, "I love you so much phil," he whispers into my chest.

"I love you too dan, I love you too." •••••

"Have you heard about the murders?"

Phils breath hitched. That was fast, usually they think it's a suicide for about a month, maybe they're beginning to connect them. Of course he heard about the murders, he fucking committed them. Phil looked down at his baby, he had his head rested on his chest while phil held a protective arm around him, his scared brown eyes looking up into his. Slowly, phil nods.

"I'm scared, what if they get me?" that sentence, that fucking sentence. It sent him up into a fit of anger almost, it made him want to wrap his hands around someone's throat and-

"Don't worry sweetness, no one will ever hurt you, I'll fucking kill them if they do," he growled. Dan, of course, thought this was a joke, and giggled softly at the remark, muttering a quick, 'don't swear daddy!' Jokingly to the end of his sentence, phil was not joking.

Phil didn't want to kill. He didn't want to hurt anyone. It was just the only way he could make money. He's not a sociopath, or a psychopath, and he doesn't say that blindly, he's explored the options, he kills people for fucks sake. No, he feels empathy, he feels sympathy, it's just selective.

Every kill, every murder, he gets payed for it. It all goes towards buying a house and food. He would feel sorry for them, but each person is killed for a reason, and most of the people he kills are bad. Besides, after what he's been through he can't really find the need to care, no harsh feelings, strictly business, as some would say.

He can care. He cares for dan, he cares for Brandon, he cares for Alex from his gang, and Dan's friend Alex from the drama club (despite not knowing him all that well), he cares, and he's sure that he would die for some of these people.

He loves dan, he loves dan so much. It hurts him to see him hurt, and kills him to see him upset, even if it's just another baby fit. Every single emotion dan has, phil takes it in deeply, with or without the whole daddy thing. He's not a psychopath, a sociopath, though he might be crazy.

"It's your mum," dan mutters softly, looking at his phone. Phil rolls his eyes, and almost in a fit of anger, snatches dams phone off him and answers the call quickly.

"Why the fuck are you calling my boyfriend Janice?" He spits angrily into Dan's phone, his words almost toxic. His mother, if he could even call her that, tries to make up a half assed excuse on that she was trying to warn dan on his old criminal charges, "oh my god shut up, he knows about those. yes he's with me now. Dan I used to be a drug dealer. Shut up, YOU chucked ME out. Fuck off. No. Oh my god. No I won't tell you how I make money." He angrily hangs up the phone.

"I thought I told you to block my parents?"

"I might have forgotten about your mum? I'm not sure, it's not like she calls me," dan whines loudly.

"Watch your tone," phil threatens before softening his voice, "that's fine baby, it's not your fault she's a bitch."

"Dan whines again. Phil realises how Dan's feeling, grinning softly. He places his chin on his boyfriends shoulder, turning his head slightly so that his lips softly touches his.Dan turned to him and kissed him loudly on the lips before nodding quickly. Phil lays a protective arm around dan as he slowly drifts off into a deep sleep.

When he wakes up phil is nowhere to be found, he calls his name a couple times before realising that he's definitely gone.

Dan pushes himself off the couch and walks over to the bathroom in the far end of the house. As soon as he opens the door his nose wrinkles in disgust. He shakes his head momentarily before stumbling forward onto the wet ground with speckles of mud patterned around it.

Neither dan nor phil ever used this bathroom, it's dirty and wet constantly, the last time dan used this bathroom was when he ran into it while running away from max and Ella a year and a half ago, when he was still in school. Hes been out of it for months, and because of that has began to notice a strange tint in Phil's behaviour.

He goes to gang meetings a lot more than he thought we would, he spends a lot of time planning and working, and a hell of a lot of time in the backyard, near the back garden.

Dan had found out that phil didn't have a day job, and considering the stuff he could afford, he realised something was up.

The bathroom floors covered shoe prints, all leading to the cabinet. He open it up to find an array of weapons all stacked on too of each other, and not being daft in the head he put two and two together, judging by the blood on them. His head hurt; dan couldn't think of anything he could possibly want more than to die in that moment. The man he trusts, trusted, so much, and now he wasn't even sure if he should be anywhere near him.

He feels a fit of panic coming on, Phil is important, he can't live without him. He needs phil to survive, but phil might end his life, but he might die without him, but- but-

It becomes all to much, his head aches, he feels floaty. Dan's breathing speeds up and his palms begin to sweat, he tries to stand up supporting himself on the cabinet. Dan closes it and begins staggering out, his chest still struggling to breathe properly.

Phil comes out of the house and runs over to him, "darling baby, are you okay?" He asks. Dan tries to reply but chokes on his words. Phil grabs him and guides him inside speaking to him in a soft voice and rubbing his back.

He needs phil, phil is safety, he must stay, even if he wants to leave. •••••• Alex I've always loved autumn. The sunset orange leaves along the pavements, the soft pink sky overhead. I feel a buzzing in my jacket as I try to hop over the lines on the pavement, stretching my legs a bit too far. I take my phone out of my pocket to read the screen.

'Dan💅🏻'

I gasp and answer the phone. "Dan! Dan! Look I need to talk to you I don't think that Phil guy-" "Could I come over to your place? Please?" He croaks, as if he's been crying.

"Of course! Of course!! Come over now!" We finish talking and I place my phone back into my pocket. Then beginning to run down the side of the streets, bolting as fast as I can.

Joining the track team has clearly helped, I'm able to sprint all the way home. My feet pounding down an alley way and jumping my fence, moving to sits on the steps to wait for him.

I don't have to wait for long until I see the small boy, walking down the street in... black jeans and a red jacket? "Dan!" I run forward and wrap him up in a big hug, "what's wrong?. Oh god come inside," I lead him in.

We enter my house sit down on the couch cross legged across from each other. I grab his hand and rub his fingers, "Dan what's wrong?" He chokes up for a second before tears well up in his eyes again. "Alexander, I'm, I'm so scared," I put my hand on his knee and rub that as well. "Alex you can't tell anyone this okay?"

I nod slowly, before sitting back a bit, giving him my complete and fullest attention. "i suspect Phil- I think he's a hitman," I mutters.

"Oh Dan," I sigh softly, moving over to wrap my arms around him. He cries harder and harder, putting his head on my shoulder, muffling his cries. I haven't seen him cry this much since 9th grade when Mickey Kelly called him a slut.

"I'm pretty sure he won't hurt me but, It seems like he's killing people." "Dan you need to get out of that," I soothe. "I know, I know!! But how? I need him!"

I snarl. I know exactly why he thinks he needs him, "Dan stand up," I growl and he stumbles up to his feet. "You do not need anyone, you don't need me, you don't need him, you don't need anyone. If you dare tell me ever again that you are not cable of looking after yourself I- I- I swear to god.

Daniel James Howell, you are a strong, independent, beautiful soul. I've known this since I met you all those years ago, god dammit your best friend and you'll never need anyone." He looks up from the ground at me, and goes to hug me.

"I wish I could believe that."

3rd Person Tired, that's what Dan was. Tried of making decisions, tired of dealing with everything. All he wanted was to to feel the sweet release of sleep.

Dan has fallen out of love before, and when he falls out of love he doesn't just fall. No, he's flung off a cliff; left to hurtle right down until it's finally all over, quickly and violently. still left bloodied and scarred at the end. It's always painful, but this is different.

He knows for a fact that he's still in love with Phil. Everything he does still seems perfect. He's still the first person he thinks of when he wakes up, and the last when he cuddles into him at night. He's the everlasting sun of his life, covered in tats and piercings, each with a different meaning to it. Phil is a blinding light that keeps him smiling and strong, his roots to support him, his life.

Phil Lester is the reason Dan is still here, despite how he makes money, despite what he does, he is good. He means well. Dan hasn't fallen out of love. He still loves his smell, instead of finding it sickly, and he wants to tell him everything, all the time.. His views on his glowing beauty stay the same and he's still willing to overlook his flaws.

Phil Lester is safe. Phil is good. Dan needs Phil. ••••••• The roof is like any other roof, it's blank. It's so high that it's hard to reach, hard to decorate. You lye down, you sleep, it's dark. Who spends time looking up anyways?

Dan. That's who.

He ditched the bed, the couch, in pursuit of laying on the ground. It seemed almost ridiculous, but it's what he needs now. The stinging reminder of the freezing cold tiles, paining his back as the bumps of his spine heavily press into the floor. It kept him awake, kept him thinking.

Any relationship counselor would tell him the same thing: talk to your s/o. From all the 'experts' in the world, to the priest at his grandma's church, to SarahSmith37 on Twitter. If only it was that simple. He couldn't exactly go up to a random stranger and say "hey! I think my boyfriend might be murdering several people, I still love him though, help?" The answer would be them slowly dialling 999 into their phone with a smile.

No, he couldn't confront anyone about it, he told Alex, who didn't give him any really helpful relationship advice, sure he got some great life advice, but that's not what he needs. Really, there were two options he would pick: confront Phil and ask him about it (and potentially get murdered himself), or get the FUCK out.

And right now he could only see one decision. He rolled over and rest his cheek on the floor, groaning loudly and squinting his eyes shut as though, maybe, maybe, he might be able to never have to face his responsibilities, oh! There's another option! pretend none of this ever happened.

No. Nada. Non. It'll just eat at him and he'll bring it up when he's screaming at phil. But maybe he should ask phil about it?? After all, as far as he can tell, he is the only person that can scream at phil and not getting beat up (or killed?)

Exhibit a: the time phil started smoking again and dan threw out the 2 packets of cigarettes he bought, then continued to have a loud argument about it, followed by phil eventually giving up and the both of them eating Thai on the couch while judging the crap out of 50 shades of grey.

He needed time to think.