#i hate fb but i love shit posting so its hard you see

[marmorenshud]

tumblr ads: every 10 or so posts. ofc more than I wanted but pretty tolerable. don't really notice them too much

Instagram ads: every third post. way too much. annoying and obviously unnecessary.

facebook ads: just ads. there's only ads. did you want an ad? here's an ad. Its ten pages of straight ads. what did you come here for again? your friends posts? they're gone. Its all ads now. even your friends are ads. aaaaads

[harmcityherald]

you know, that's the first time I wrote that out about brandy. I should be worried how it makes me look maybe. I don't know. its the fucking truth and that's one thing the whole 10 billion of you get from me on whatever page I word vomit on. I don't care who I vomit on. I don't care if I offend you with the truth. Quite different than offending you with a lie. Or a pop up puppet of something I want you to think I am. I don't like lies. that comes from my transgender experience. (clutch your pearls) If you know what the "talk" is, then you know.

Yes, dear readers I had "the talk" more than once. I made rules for myself. those rules still live inside me just like ranny still lives inside me. So yea I got this big thing about lies and facades and manufacturing false impressions. I broke the heart of a man from Australia who I was quite head over heels for. I have never forgotten it.

In second life there was eddie. he bought the best penis in sl, according to him. they all loved eddie. I was the dj. but he took a shine to me, naturally. eddie was from sweden. he was a good guy. violently hetero though. to him I was the brunette dj with all the tattoos. the librarian no less. so he asks me, middle of a set mind you, if I want to come back to his place and try out his new washing machine. if you sit on it you have an orgasm. my partner in crime, danana, was like you GOTTA go!!! omg its eddie. im like but...but....the talk.

fuck the talk dont tell him shit lol.

I just cant do that, I will find a way. he deserves the truth. this was post wash so that pain was fresh.

so my show ends and now all the girls see me leaving with eddie lol. my dms are blowing up but I go. honestly I want to see this washing machine. so we make small talk and he gets frisky and I let him to a point and then he sits me on this washing machine. its just like a pose ball. it animates your avatar having an orgasm and thats when I chose my time.

"Eddddiiiieeed IIii hhhaaavvve sooooomethiiing tooooo tellll yooooooou." because im like a sext drama machine right? "Iiiiimmmm a maaaaan." now in sl we owned our land. i owned my library grounds and I have the power to kick anyone from the server. that bitch blew me off that washer and strait out his place and I fucking land right in the middle of the party place like digital karma that cant exist. danana says you told him didn't you. Im like yea but that was funny as shit. eddie stayed friends and I didn't ride him too hard. later after I had left sl I learned that eddie died. I was very sad about that. my point? I wouldn't even lie to sl fonzie with the "best dick in sl" in a chat room with cartoons because thats what it was and thats what the metaverse will devolve into. trust me. I been there. what was special about sl were the people who accepted me. danana and wash and delphi and eif and amari and kasey. who I was extremely honored to meet in DC at a library convention where she entered my digital library on to the list of accredited libraries. we were only there a year. after that 50 bucks a month for my pixel world became too much. that plus I had lost the line between fantasy and reality. maybe fantasy is the wrong word. ranny is there. she has always been there. but so is xid and greg and max. there's a secret for you too. ran-xid. sun and moon. duality you can not imagine and I pity you that you can not experience it. I was bringing ran into the real world. you got questions and maybe I will answer you someday. maybe not. I chose my grandkids. I made the most feminine decision of my life. To be the man they needed. The one I was good at being. so there's your answer. but ranny? she still talks to me. I don't remember how this post started. oh yes, brandy. and my questionable admissions to the greater public. there's a hundred other stories. hopefully I have time to tell them all so the entire world hates me lol. I love you, all 10 billion of you. even you, stalking me from fb like you gonna tell someone some juicy shit about me. go ahead everybody knows and I never lie. unless I see someone shoplifting food. then I didn't see shit, officer. so yea that's a lie I would tell.

lol most people's aversion to lies is religion. mine ain't. lol.

[youcantfiremebecauseiquit]

idk if u care but crispin gray recently had an interview about his entire career and it kind of changed my perspective of queenadreena…idk if for better or for worse lol. it was weird to see him so dismissive of a lot of his catalogue w katie except for ‘love your money’ just because that was the only remotely chart successful song. i get you want to be able to sustain yourself but jeez him and katie really had a weird back and forth relationship

Sorry i'm replying late, i've seen the interview pop up on Youtube but honestly i was too invested in university shit recently & generally not in the good mood for that but i'm planning to watch. How did it change your view on Queen Adreena, did he say something mean specifically on QA or Katie? I mean i gotta watch it but honestly? Not surprised in the slightest. A few years ago he was asked to describe fave songs he recorded throughout the years and he listed more of Daisy Chainsaw ones than anything else, with Love Your Money as number 1. The differences in their points of view are real something, Katie Jane absolutely HATED Love Your Money, same as Daisy Chainsaw. Kinda apparent he wanted bigger fame but DC dropped fast and QA failed to live up to their predictions.

i had a time when i liked to dig up old Queen Adreena interviews that are lost in the old internet & generally not available for years (which i planned to post on is-she-suffering but my investment in that site is... varied in its intensity). Also that was back in the days when i wrote Queen Adreena book during manic phase and tried to sell it but lost motivation Well since i don't do anything with that knowledge anyway i'll put what i know here as i love fan discussions

So they sure had/have odd back and forth love-hate relationship & that's the reason why their career went how it went. There's been a huge tension between them at some point. I'm sure you know she had a major mental breakdown (probably schizophrenic episode) after Daisy Chainsaw, or even beginning before her leaving, and then she went into isolation and lived with an old woman in Lake District for awhile. She left Daisy Chainsaw cause Crispin didn't want her to come up with her own songs (all of DC was by Crispin except for Lovely ugly brutal world by KJ).

They almost split up as Queen Adreena after Drink Me. The material for The Butcher and The Butterfly was written at different times, originally it was meant to be called Atom Bomb at Bikini but it was constantly delaying and they eventually recorded everything they've got live. So that's obvious right? But i was surprised to find out they were writing songs separately. Some of them (i forgot which though) were written by Katie Jane and Pete Howard's sons band (they're even credited) + some with Melanie Garside, Richard Adams + some other musician. Katie Jane didn't like it. They intended it to be their last album at the time. She also hated live at ICA show but they released it cause they were broke

But that's a digression. I just wanna say that at this point they were done with each other but kept pushing it. Katie had her own art projects and stuff, Crispin started Dogbones with Nomi and i just remember how vaguely pissed at Katie he waas in the interviews. Like he stressed that Dogbones is his number one priority and if Katie wants to do something with Queenadreena, she must wait til Dogbones have a break first or something, and it sounded oddly bitter.

RaCH and Djinn era are just so weird, they had opportunities but let them go in a way. I don't think many people know but they were huge demand in Japan. They entered album charts and were interviewed by 11 magazines and 6 (!)TV stations there (wtf happened to that material i want to know???). But they only played 5 times or less.

Katie said she considers the band dead but they decided they can try to play for a couple more months. But aside from that she 100% lost the interest in the band around Djinn. There's an interview where she says "the overall image is Crispin but the shape will change again at rehearsals". And you can hear it, it’s more blues rock than anything. IMO it's their worst production wise. Instruments are fine but Katie's voice is so badly produced that sometimes i find some songs fucking irritating, cause they didn’t cut out her breaths and the vocals are TOO LOUD, to the point of distorting. As if she stands too close to the mic. The album is fine but it feels unfinished.

And here we come back to Crispin... here's what he said after the QA split:

Why the Dogbones started? “I needed to work more than the previous band I was in was working, the previous band who shall remain nameless, haha… um… Queenadreena. I wanted to work more than the singer of Queenadreena wanted to work… so that’s why it started. Fine by me… but I really like to be in a band, I’m not a solo project kind of guy. The last album (‘Djin’) did come out in the UK, but it was so low key because Katie kind of disappeared so there was little point in promoting it. Personally it’s my favourite by far so it was a shame but there you go… So here are Dogbones, it’s not been an easy ride but we are trying very hard.

Ok so the bitterness is kinda apparent isn't it. I think there were two reasons why they argued so much, first musical differences. Katie at some point lost interest in loud rock music for some years and went the folk way in Ruby Throat. I have a theory that Taxidermy and Drink Me are more influenced by Katie Jane and Butcher and Djinn are more Crispin. During first albums i think Katie more actively took part in music composition and choosing arrangements. She wrote lyrics, melodies but also composed a lot of songs on some little electronic keyboard thing and 4 track (Heavenly Surrender, Pray for me, My Silent Undoing, all Lalleshwari +more). Plus she wanted more peaceful/dreamy sound on Taxidermy than full on rock, Crispin complained about it in some 00's interview, that he'd like it to be more rock. Then there are 2 versions of Drink Me, the original has rough and alt versions of songs (it was sold by Katie and it's leaked on FB and probably YT). Crispin Gray apparently really hated the final Drink Me. Now next album is The Butcher & The Butterfly and it's more standard blues rock, no more crazy dreamy things of previous albums etc., Djinn is even more blues rock but darker. Djinn was his favourite at some point while KJ hated Butcher, not sure about Djinn. So i think they had different views on where they should go, Katie made her weird simplistic creepy tunes (like Lalleshwari) and folk melodies adding that strange things to noise rock. Crispin probably wanted blues & rock.

Other than that, i’m convinced they are bitter exes, lol. There’s been rumours about them dating during Daisy Chainsaw for years, plus Katie had a history of dating band members. Crispin wrote X-ing off the days about her. I don’t know if they dated again in Queen Adreena. Then there’s this interview, timeline is unclear, either The butcher & the butterfly or later:

„Katie writes all the songs herself and often looks for melodies and structure with the drummer. With Crispin - her husband or ex-husband, which is not entirely clear to me - for almost three years she has no longer been in a room. "Sometimes we send him a letter with a new song and that's all we can do. All we have are our lungs and our musical talent and we have to do with it. It is repugnant difficult life, I know most of the time how I should deal with it." But Queenadreena will still remain even exist? "I think so, we are now pretty busy and I see where the ship aground.”

I always wondered what exactly happened after Djinn, i’ve seen Katie Jane say „i think they gave up on me” while others said she disappeared. Other times CG said there’s no bad blood between them but at the same time there’s been some weird tension.  As of recent i thought they reconnected somehow through the internet and had a good relation but who really knows.s

I get why Crispin gets irritated when people compare everything he does to „stealing from KJ” but honestly, he gave them good reasons, at least in the 90’s. I can believe Starsha Lee singer isn’t copying Katie cause she’s from Brazil or something and she didn’t know Queen Adreena before. But everything else… Crispin’s problem is that he doesn’t know what he wants. He spent 90’s chasing something, tried singing himself, had girl singer replacements and even one KJ copy. Dogbones was ironically his most original non-Katie band, even with all their grunge influences. In a way he wants to be a frontman and at the same time doesn’t. Idk if he’s very controlling, but Daisy Chainsaw shows he valued his songs/lyrics first & in Queen Adreena he had to step back a lot, cause Katie’s condition was she would be in charge of the lyrics. I don’t think he realizes how strongly Daisy Chainsaw issues affected Katie, i mean from her own words you can read that aside from media attention/hate, her being unable to write lyrics had a role in her breakdown. I think she now let go but for years she hated remembering Daisy Chainsaw and she felt kind of worthless cause she was only somebody else’s mouthpiece. I’m not trying to say he’s cruel or anything, but i firmly believe rock lyrics writers should sing their own songs or else there are problems.

They both were writers-composers with different vision and i have impression they struggled a lot while shaping their songs, cause they both stuck to their ideas. Hence 2 versions of Princess Carwash maybe. Katie once said that he „gets terribly upset with her” cause she writes her songs on a simple wind organ and uses a few chord buttons only. Clash of writer ways/personalities/egos and at some point they had to let go.

Maybe he prefers music/bands where he was 100% in control including lyrics (note he wrote/sang some lyrics in Dogbones too). Daisy Chainsaw achieved bigger success US and UK wise as they were offered to play Top of The Pops, and they’re more well liked/remembered by „general alt public”. Queen Adreena however is way more valued as a cult band, with cult following and admiration in UK & France. Most people think Pretty Like Drugs and other QA songs are his best work and he probably finds it irritating cause truth is, he never managed to be more successful than Daisy Chainsaw/Queenadreena. Love Your Money is ironically the least Crispin Gray/DC/QA sounding song in my opinion. I kinda find it irritating that he downplays Queen Adreena cause it was probably his best work in this band but whatever

So yeah sorry for the word spill, that’s what i can think of it right now but as i said, i haven’t watched the interview yet, it’s just this kind of treatment is in a way consistent for him

[inspiringwhilerespiring]

Get to know me?

Yoooo - yall remember Myspace, and people would blog survey posts lol. Well thats me, I’m people. And I just wanna write my lil heart out and avoid all of my real life responsibilities. So found a lil questionnaire thing and I’m gonna fill it out. Also lowkey like doing this every so often so I can look back on it and reflect and see how much I may have grown/changed/shifted viewzzz ya feel? :) 

Sooo here yall go <3 

1. Who was the last person you held hands with?

My neice maybe?

2. Are you outgoing or shy?

People who know me would tell me to put outgoing, but I honestly feel shy on the inside, so it just depends.

3. Who are you looking forward to seeing?

Literally anyone lmao fuck this quarantine

4. Are you easy to get along with?

Definitely

5. If you were drunk would the person you like take care of you?

Lets hope so

6. What kind of people are you attracted to?

Kind souls <3 always notice how they talk to their friends and family, but even people they don’t know like servers or janitors, etc. that shit matters heavy.

7. Do you think you’ll be in a relationship two months from now?

Probably not

8. Who from the opposite gender is on your mind?

A few homies

9. Does talking about sex make you uncomfortable?

Nah not really, just depends

10. Who was the last person you had a deep conversation with?

Not sure -it’s been a min since I had a “deep” connection or convo that I can remember - but was probably with my bestie R’Bo

11. What does the most recent text that you sent say?

“Google that shit” lmao me, giving advice to my friends

12. What are your 5 favorite songs right now?

TOUGH!!!! After Hours by The Weeknd is up there, Cayendo by Frank Ocean (been jamming his shit HAARD lately) and Inside Friend by Leon Bridges & John Mayer….but also been listening to albums - like Childish’s new album, Floreyyy for lo-fi shit, and also got into 070 Shake recently just to name a few.

13. Do you like it when people play with your hair?

FUCK YA

14. Do you believe in luck and miracles?

Yeah budddyy

15. What good thing happened this summer?

Idk, my bday party was lit?? And lots of river floats happened

16. Would you kiss the last person you kissed again?

Lol

17. Do you think there is life on other planets?

Cant deny that there isn’t so yaaa

18. Do you still talk to your first crush?

No

19. Do you like bubble baths?

Yes

20. Do you like your neighbors?

Just moved, so don’t know em

21. What are you bad habits?

Procrastination lol and biting my nails

22. Where would you like to travel?

Literally ANNNYY-fuckin-WHERE!

23. Do you have trust issues?

Hmm I wanna say generally no, but I also always keep it one hunnnid with myself, and as much as I’d like to say I don’t have any - I think I def have insecurities with myself, that have the potential to become “trust issues” in certain relationships, but overall no. I live by the whole “you have my trust til you fuck it up” mantra

24. Favorite part of your daily routine?

Coffee in the morning lately, missed it and forgot how energized it makes me - gives me time to wake up and reflect/set daily goals

25. What part of your body are you most uncomfortable with?

Stomach forever :((((

26. What do you do when you wake up?

Scroll on my phone, pee usually, or feed my cat lol

27. Do you wish your skin was lighter or darker?

Tanner maybe?

28. Who are you most comfortable around?

My mom or my best friend R’Bonney - but any of my close friends and fam honestly

29. Have any of your ex’s told you they regret breaking up?

Not directly

30. Do you ever want to get married?

Lol ok, so this is always changing…but lately (and by lately I mean the past few years) its been a no. I’m open minded though and am aware that I’m always changing my mind sooo who knows

31. Is your hair long enough for a pony tail?

yeppperoo

32. Which celebrities would you have a threesome with?

Honestly, those aren’t my “thing” lollike id prob laugh or be awkward or just have to be hellllla drunk - but like I wouldn’t mind Jason Momoa and Tom Hardy tossin me around

33. Spell your name with your chin.

hjaylkee

34. Do you play sports? What sports?

Scocer back in the day - actually went and kicked it like a week ago for the first time in YEARSSSS - felt so damn good

35. Would you rather live without TV or music?

TV, music forreeevverrr

36. Have you ever liked someone and never told them?

Lol story of my life

37. What do you say during awkward silences?

“Soooo” then probably ask a question or some shit lol

38. Describe your dream girl/guy?

Hmmm…definitely have to be funny/have a good sense of humor. They’d have to be open-minded for sure. Up for trying new things, places, cultures, food, music, etc. Just have an adventurous spirit I guess when it comes to that. Have a good line of communication/openness - and just be able to have a deep/intellectual convo about anything and everything. Bonuses: taller than me, likes cooking, and going to music shows.

39. What are your favorite stores to shop in?

Amazon lol I hate shopping

40. What do you want to do after high school?

To go back to high school :( lmao so much id re-do, cant believe its almost been a decade

41. Do you believe everyone deserves a second chance?

Hell yeah, this is life my dudes, dont take it so seriously - we all fuck up at some point or another

42. If your being extremely quiet what does it mean?

Something is on my mind for sure, or im just tired lol

43. Do you smile at strangers?

Yeah

44. Trip to outer space or bottom of the ocean?

DAMNNN WHAT so hard - I guesss if I had to pick, space…just because it’s more rare/harder to do I’d think.

45. What makes you get out of bed in the morning?

My cat lol with his meowing ass

46. What are you paranoid about?

Lowkey a lot lol

47. Have you ever been high?

8)

48. Have you ever been drunk?

Who hasn’t????

49. Have you done anything recently that you hope nobody finds out about?

naw

50. What was the colour of the last hoodie you wore?

Black probably, like half my wardrobe

51. Ever wished you were someone else?

Of course

52. One thing you wish you could change about yourself?

My bad habits

56. Favourite colour?

Yelllllow :)

57. Favourite food?

Oh gaaawwd, literally anything - lately: PB&J’s, fries, wings, Mediterranean, Mexican, pickles, ice cream, ramenzzzz

58. Last thing you ate?

Pistachios

59. First thing you ate this morning?

Cofffeeee w creamer

60. Ever won a competition? For what?

Idk, not off the top of my head - maybe something back in elementary

61. Been suspended/expelled? For what?

Nah

62. Been arrested? For what?

Yeah lmao

63. Ever been in love?

Yes

64. Tell us the story of your first kiss?

No its really not that interesting and idc to type it out

65. Are you hungry right now?

24/7/365

66. Do you like your tumblr friends more than your real friends?

Lol yes a few of them <333

67. Facebook or Twitter?

FB

68. Twitter or Tumblr?

Tumblr

69. Are you watching tv right now?

Noooo

70. Names of your bestfriends?

R’Bonney is number 1

71. Craving something? What?

Foooood, and companionship? Lol

72. What colour are your towels?

Idk, random, mostly blue

72. How many pillows do you sleep with?

A lot lol

73. Do you sleep with stuffed animals?

Lol no, but I have my one from my childhood in my room

74. How many stuffed animals do you think you have?

1 - shout out to you Mr.Fluffy

75. Favourite animal?

I am fascinated by sharks; and like gators/crocs. But I have mad respect for elephants, they’re sooo damn smart and beautiful.

76. What colour is your underwear?

Dont have any on

77. Chocolate or Vanilla?

BITCHHHH CHOC

78. Favourite ice cream flavour?

All of them

79. What colour shirt are you wearing?

Tie-dye

80. What colour pants?

none

81. Favourite tv show?

Game of Thrones prob

82. Favourite movie?

Avatar or Shawshank Redemption

87. First person you talked to today?

Sissy

88. Last person you talked to today?

Friend on FT

89. Name a person you hate?

No one, maybe Trump? lol

90. Name a person you love?

Everyone, fr fr

91. Is there anyone you want to punch in the face right now?

Nah

92. In a fight with someone?

Nah

93. How many sweatpants do you have?

Not enough <3

94. How many sweaters/hoodies do you have?

Not enough <3

95. Last movie you watched?

The Decline on Netflix, short lil foreign oil, was deep/interesting

96. Favourite actress?

Not sure-Sandra Bullock? Or Meryl

97. Favourite actor?

Denzel or Morgan Freeman

98. Do you tan a lot?

Nah not anymore honestly

99. Have any pets?

Yessss

100. How are you feeling?

Mediocre

101. Do you type fast?

Ya

102. Do you regret anything from your past?

Im sure

103. Can you spell well?

Ya

104. Do you miss anyone from your past?

Lol im nostalgic af, so yes

105. Ever been to a bonfire party?

Yes litttty tittyyy

106. Ever broken someone’s heart?

Probably :(

107. Have you ever been on a horse?

Hell yeah brother, I’m from TX

108. What should you be doing?

So much shit lol

109. Is something irritating you right now?

The fact that I ain’t doing all the shit I should be lol

110. Have you ever liked someone so much it hurt?

Yooo yes

112. Who was the last person you cried in front of?

Prob my sister or my mom?? Lol I cry a lot, idk and idc

113. What was your childhood nickname?

Hayls?

114. Have you ever been out of your province/state?

Yes

115. Do you play the Wii?

Back in the day

116. Are you listening to music right now?

Surprisingly, no

117. Do you like chicken noodle soup?

Nah, unless maybe if its homemade

118. Do you like Chinese food?

Yeah occasionally, more of a Thai food chick or Japanese

119. Favourite book?

Kite Runner

120. Are you afraid of the dark?

Low-key sometimes lol

121. Are you mean?

Hell noooo

122. Is cheating ever okay?

Ok, this is an interesting one lol I mean no, it’s not “okay” - since it usually constitutes lying/hiding/hurting someone - BUTTTT, for a lack of a better term - I wanna say it’s “normal”? But thats because I, personally, am on the fence about the concept of monogamy. Like no, I’ve never cheated nor experienced that in return - but the whole concept of monogamy and like that a person can love and only love or be with one person is WILLLLDDD and I can’t help but note that its a social construct that we, as a society, are conditioned to from the time we are born. Idk if that makes sense bc im high af lol but those are my thoughts…like to sum it up - cheating is fucked up and sucks, but at the same time its not all that surprising/shocking anymore, like borderline “normalized” just as divorces are and shit, so I feel like bc biologically we aren’t made to be with one person lol. I don’t condone it tho. Thanks for coming to my TedTalk.

123. Can you keep white shoes clean?

Hell to the naw naw

124. Do you believe in love at first sight?

Hmmm idk about that one, but also can’t deny it

125. Do you believe in true love?

Yeah of course, you’re talking to a hopeless romantic

126. Are you currently bored?

I guess we could say that

127. What makes you happy?

Food and close, loved ones

128. Would you change your name?

Nah, too much paper work

129. What your zodiac sign?

Cancer, with my lil moody, sensitive ass

130. Do you like subway?

I did lol

131. Your bestfriend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do?

Story of my mf life lol literally all my exes are “best friends turned lovers” situation, so guess it would just depend lmao

132. Who’s the last person you had a deep conversation with?

133. Favourite lyrics right now?

Lol oh godddd; ok off the top of my head - Tupac - Keep Ya Head Up is what comes to mind; just a timeless song and the lyrics are still relevant/apply to this day and idk just really resonate with the message behind that song <3

135. Dumbest lie you ever told?

Idk, but it was probably SO dumb, and told to my parents lol

136. Do you sleep with your doors open or closed?

Either or, lately open so my cat can go in and out lol

137. How tall are you?

5’6 mayyybeee 5’5 actually lol

140. Summer or Winter?

Fall!!

141. Night or Day?

Def a lil night owl, always have been

142. Favourite month?

April and October for weather at least

143. Are you a vegetarian?

No but I try, and go through phases, I’m definitely mindful the older I get and more focused on my health I become

144. Dark, milk or white chocolate?

FUCKIN ALLLLL

145. Tea or Coffee?

Coffee but I like tea too, just seem to drink coffee more regularly

146. Was today a good day?

The grateful-to-just-be-alive in me wants to say yes lol but idk, felt off/unaccomplished and cried a lot, so no.

147. Mars or Snickers?

Snickers

148. What’s your favourite quote?

“This too shall pass”

149. Do you believe in ghosts?

Sure why not

150. Get the closest book next to you, open it to page 42, what’s the first line on that page?

“After all, what he had always wanted was just that: to know new places.” -The Alchemist, Paulo Coelho

[blue-eyedangel21]

I’m sorry..

So I wrote a whole essay yesterday only for tumblr to be really stupid and I lost it. Anyways, I came to write out my feelings and my thoughts before being done with this tumblr.  I've mentioned this tumblr to you before and you didn't care enough to even look at it for yourself. So I'm sure me typing all this is a huge waste of time but its worth losing this amount of time to let out everything I need to, to move on. It's time I put this all in my past. So we tried again recently.  And I fucked it up. Because that's all I've been doing for years now.  I'm really sorry, truly, for how i behaved and lashed out on you. It's not okay how I handled that situation.  But I have told people time and time again that I am NOT doing well mentally or emotionally. And I was not kidding nor exaggerating, as you had to find out the hard way. I did try to calm myself down when I was mad and said how I felt and what I thought at first in the most calm way I knew how then you proceeded to be an asshole and talk to me sideways. So I lost my shit. You had the opportunity to see my ugly"asshole" side.  You say I can't handle yours  when I dealt with it for a year, but you couldn't handle mine after ONE time of lashing out on you. I did NOT ghost you. I told you in the voice clip, that I was done. YOU said you weren't listening to it. So therefore it was your fault that you didn't know i was done. Your fault that you didn't take the time to hear what I had to say and went around saying I ghosted you. In that moment of anger, I was done with you. But of course like always after my anger and feelings have calmed down, I felt like shit and regretted how I behaved and the stupid decisions I make when I'm upset. So in all of that out of control emotion, I lost you. And IT IS MY FAULT. And yes I do regret it. But what is done is done. I admitted to being the problem.  But im not all of what was wrong in that relationship.  You too had issues of your own that you did not hold yourself accountable for. And I dont find it fair that I had no problem admitting I was the issue and holding myself accountable for that and my behavior. However I rarely ever heard you own up to your shit. So I'm not taking all the blame but I can take most of it because some of it was me too and not just you. But I bet you are okay with me taking the blame for all of it. The constant leaving you was not because I wanted to but because of how you made me feel. Yet I felt like I couldn't live with you, I also couldn't live without you. And that was the confusing part. Why i probably kept going back and forth. I never felt this way about anyone . I never felt like I couldn't live with them but I couldn't live without them either. You have disrespected me many times and I bit my tongue and said nothing. My whole life I've been around drama and bullshit and narcissistic abuse.. so I dont know how to be confrontational in a healthy way or how to communicate effectively without feeling like im always the problem or im wrong or my feelings are wrong. And etc. It's hard to explain but a lot of that has to do with what I had to deal with growing up and still somewhat dealing with it as an adult. So im trying to break myself from bad, unhealthy, toxic behaviors and habits. So thats why im still doing and reacting the way i am. I am 25 years old and still dealing with that shit, its not part of my past yet, but it will be. So thats just explaining why I'm like this, not excusing it.  So the times I left were mostly YOUR fault. But you also left at least  2 times too..so it isn't all me. Every time I would for sure leave you alone, youd come running back. Just when I thought I could move on here you were. And sometimes I was the one running back. Like I said i was confused. But im not running back this time. I'm not gonna reach out to you. I dont hate you nor do I love you any less. I still love you with all of my heart and that hasn't changed nor will it ever even if that has changed for you because of how I've hurt you. But for me this is speaking my truth. And thsts the truth. I'm sorry that i threw everything we were trying to build together, in the garbage over an argument and because of my emotions and my mental health being so terrible. If I could go back and change that I would but we are better off going our separate ways. I'm sorrh I had to block you but I had to block Sierra too. I do not appreciate her posts. Feel what she may but what I wrote was honest and wasn't just about you but about others I've hurt along the way. You are not the only one. I don't care that she feels that way or if she doesn't like me anymore. She's not in my shoes nor are you, to understand or try to understand. I already admitted to being the issue so if she didn't like what I posted on my fb she could've just deleted and blocked me. But instead of reacting in a bad way i deleted and blocked her because i dont need negativity when im trying to heal and move on. I dont need her judgmentYou sent19 minutes agoNor do I need yours. You are always gonna see me as the bad guy and that's fine. But im no longer looking at myself that way. I'm seeing a woman who is trying to break herself from toxic ways and toxic behavior but is struggling to do it while also going through a lot of shit. Im flawed just like you..I'm not perfect. Not even close to it. I've been understanding and patient and always trying to see your perspective and its never really been a two ways street with you. You expect that from me but don't expect to give it back. And I'm tired of that. Been tired of that. I put it in alot of effort to make shit work when I was trying to fix things but I got tired, Bee. I didn't take you seriously because every time I tried to i didnt feel like you were taking it seriously enough to change your ways and your lifestyle. I wanted you to work so you had an income to better yourself and your future and also to help tatianna with Julian. As a single mom it is hard to take care of a kid by yourself and I wanted you to try to help her financially at least.  And not only a job but to stop drinking because I don't want you to end up in a coffin at such a young age. And to leave behind your son. How fair is that to Julian?  I love you, bee. I never want anything bad to happen to you even if you don't believe that. You're the only one who doesn't see how much i love you or how bad you have had an emotional toll on me. For some reason you're blinded by all of that. You say i didn't love you but if i hadn't I would've been done with you the very first time we broke up in November . But no I fell hard for you and put a lot of effort and love into us only for us to fall apart. So.. I hope you know i wanted a family with you too. I wanted to wake up next to you and my daughter,  and one day maybe. Not just my daughter. But a child of our own. With big blue eyes and curly hair.. that looked like you. I wanted a lil boy that looked like you with my eyes and hair and your face.  I wanted that more than i could tell you. I never could tell you that because i got embarrassed.  But I wanted that, with you. Not anyone else and now i feel like that I don't want another relationship.  Nor do i want to even bother starting over with someone else and feeling like this again. I don't even care anymore. Im so drained and exhausted. You were the love of my life. I fucked it up and now the bed I made, I have to lay in. So yeah you get the satisfaction of knowing I'm hurting and regretting what I did. But I get the satisfaction of never allowing myself to make this mistake again with another person and to focus on my issues with myself so I don't bring this kind of baggage and problems into my future relationships.  So maybe it's for the better that we move on. Maybe one day you can forgive me  enough to not hate me and maybe if I'm lucky enough to at least call you my friend.  I loved you like I've never loved anyone and it is hard to write without crying but I know that sometimes life is pain and heartbreak and that if we were ever meant to be than maybe somewhere down the road we could rekindle a friendship or more but maybe the timing is off and you were my right person but wrong time. . Maybe you'll come back...maybe you won't but please know you had my heart like no others. I felt that in my soul.  I felt it when I looked at you. When I thought about you. When i talked about you. When I looked in your eyes. When you smiled or laughed. When you were doing whatever and I was just staring at you. With every kiss. Every moment in your arms. When you were sleeping so peacefully.  When you were being you, I felt like i was home and I cant tell you the last time i felt that way. It was when my grandma was alive. So to find someone who was even close to feeling like home is a serious misfortune to lose like this. And losing you and this relationship will be a grieving process for me. I had to lose the one thing that brought me happiness, wholeness and love. So I'm heartbroken it has come to this because of my actions. But I love you Bee. Please take care of yourself.

[the-bjd-community-confess]

DoA megapost (22 confessions)

Mod: So https://true-bjd-confessions.tumblr.com/post/189300138511/mod-due-to-excessive-offtopic-arguing-in-the

All you guys’ pending DoA confessions presented in no specific order, before we move into the hold, as announced above.

To be clear: I think this is a feature DoA should have yesterday. It’s completely inappropriate to force people to use deadnames and names which are related to traumatic life experiences, or be banned. 

However, *weary sigh, gesturing at the multiple 70+ reply confessions on this topic* people told me they were finding the rapidly escalating discussion to be upsetting and offputting, and that’s not my goal for this blog. ❤️

1.

I am exceptionally weary of all the DoA hate over the person who got banned over making a new account after not being allowed to change their user name. DoA isn’t the only doll forum out there. If you don’t like their rules, don’t join. I for one find their rules about on- and off-topic dolls to be unfair and arbitrary as hell, but in the end it comes down to their house, their rules. Move on.

~Anonymous

2.

Us: Sure would be nice to maybe be able to change your name on DOA.

Some of y’all: Are you asking for anarchy?? If we allow this, what’s next?? A reasonable review of outdated rules??? The rules are there for a reason!!1! The reason may be antiqued because technology has updated and changed since then, meaning there are better solutions available, but it’s still a reason so we DEFINITELY should NEVER change!! Change is too scary for me. :( You’re bullies who want to be special :((( Stop that :(

~Anonymous

3.

I love seeing people get so offended at anon saying “bigots”. How do you know it was about you ? Guilty conscience? DOA could allow name changes if they really wanted to. There are other hobbies where they forbid certain people from entering forums while still allowing name changes. It’s not hard if you really care.      

~Anonymous      

4.

Honestly the way people fall all over themselves to defend DoA against any sort of criticism (regardless of how you personally feel about the validity of said criticism, reader) makes me glad I never got into the community aspect of this hobby. It's just... stressful.          

~Anonymous  

5.

The transphobia in the comments on this blog in particular are so gross. Being a bigot makes your dolls instantly hideous. And no, I’m not saying everyone who is defending DOAs decision is transphobic. I’m talking about the one who thinks trans people transitioning is wrong and their friends. You’re gross and so are your dolls.

~Anonymous  

6.

scammers can & will get around DOA's no name change policy, it's really not that safe. also, DOA isn't the only website which allows the sale of high-value items.

~Anonymous  

7.

First it's "if you want name changes coded in DoA, offer to do it yourself!", then it's "why tf would DoA accept some rando to help code their site?" make up your goddamn mind, your argument is falling apart. 

Also when did this issue become "DoA vs trans people"? Like, I like DoA yet I also recognize it should be more accessible and updated for the modern userbase. I want it to become as good as it can be because I like the community and would hate to see it die out like so many other forum sites do. Yes, it has flaws- and believe me, the folks who get extremely upset about the idea of admitting that embarrass me- but I liked the format since I was new to the hobby. I just wish it was more inclusive!    

~Anonymous    

8.     

girlisav3rb: "this isn't about exclusion or leaving anyone out". Also girlisav3rb: "I'm just kicking your punk ass off [obvious metaphor for DoA]" yyyyiiiiikkkees      

~Anonymous    

9. 

The DOA username debate is really starting to feel like 4 people's personal beefs against each other. It isn't really about dolls and I wish it wasn't dominating all the confessions here. I don't really care about watching pomoaples, pupkinspce, aigisthewlve and tellmeifthursday make fools of themselves daily.        

~Anonymous      

10.

Say it louder for the people in the back: IF YOU INSIST ON NAME CHANGES FOR DOA, THEN VOLUNTEER YOUR CODING EXPERTISE. Don't know how to code and are just squawking about something you can't directly contribute towards? Then shut up or offer up money so the mods can hire a computer programmer to make the changes you're DEMANDING from a FREE service.        

~Anonymous

11.

God it's so painfully obvious to see how many of the people defending DoA on the grounds that name changes would destroy the integrity of the website have never ever worked on or even been part of a forum or really any website of any kind in their lives. Seriously arguing that "the database" would break if you changed a name like?? No??? Have you ever seen a server backend before? You can automate this shit, you know, keep a log of former names, just... it's not some big huge challenge??? 

~Anonymous 

12.           

I don't have a horse in the trans name change race but calling DoA one of the friendlies communities around is abject bullshit lmao. There's not a more elitist, paranoid, abusive community this side of comic books -- but that kind of goes for this hobby as a whole, let's be honest.           

~Anonymous     

13. 

THE RULES ARE IMPORTANT WE CAN't cHANGE THE RULES IT WILL LEAD TO CHAOS IF WE CHANGE ONE RULE WHERE WILL IT END THINK OF THE CHILDREN!!!!!!!! In my town it used to be THE RULES that POC have to go to separate schools and use separate bathrooms, but sure, the rules are the most important thing, not the people. And before anyone says cOmPaRiNg DoLlS tO rAciSm, 1) shitting on trans people IS a form of prejudice you smoothbrains, and 2) my ass is POC and I call it like I see it. Check yourselves.            

~Anonymous   

14.   

I personally think DOA should just.. go away? It’s been around for years, most people use it as reference rather than a community anymore. Everything is on FaceBook and Instagram now, DOA is pretty much just a glorified Dolly Dictionary at this point. Besides, if they aren’t going to change an Incredibly simple, easy thing to change just to accommodate transitioning people, it’s not the best place to be.

~Anonymous  

15.

I mean about the whole rules is rules is rules thing about doa: the thing is, some rules are there for a reason and obviously do need to be respected whether you agree with them or not, like don’t block fire exits, murder is bad, etc. but some rules eventually become outdated and need to be changed to keep up with society, and that doesn’t make the people pointing out that they need to be changed evil or entitled or spoiled. Imagine if we all still had to drive 10 mph everywhere because when someone pointed out that car technology had improved since 1915 and the speed limit should be increased accordingly everyone had just shouted them down with “BUT TEH RUUULLLEESS!!!” You’d be pretty interested in getting some of this “special treatment” yourself so you could get to work on time, huh?

~Anonymous  

16.

Honestly the easiest solution would be let people change their names only once and have it trackable.. as a trans dude its NOT that deep.     

~Anonymous        

17.

I notice that the unrelenting attacks on DoA are now even using the same phraseology along with the name-calling and implications of sinister motives. These are textbook bullying tactics. Next is the boycott, except that most of these people already say they don’t use the forum because they are just too “21st Century” for it.

Luckily this is just a confession board and no matter how many folks you manage to rile up here, it’s not going to affect DoA. Now, this is why I love DoA–you can’t go on their own site and spew this nonsense. They have Rules. They are Strict. They attempt to avoid drama, especially off-topic drama, and they don’t allow meanness, vulgarity or obscenity. If you’re looking for a pleasant, safe space, it’s your best bet.

~Anonymous

18.

Easy to lay bigotry, laziness, stupidity and worse on DoA mods for not just accepting tales of trauma and pasts to erase.  But the internet has always been full of lies by people trying to get their own way or escape consequences. Not just pro scammers. People who cry things like illness, trauma, disaster, family or pet problems over and over to get sympathy for demands or as all-purpose excuses. Recast ownership lies. People who never got a no before, and don't like being turned down no-how.

~Anonymous

19.

I just realized that no one understands the people saying DOA can allow name changes are the people who have actually modded forums before, most forums unless they’re running a totally outdated system use user id numbers that are linked to display names, which can be changed, and you can write a simple string of simple-baby-code to show old display names on a profile, to explain it in simple terms.   

~Anonymous                    

20.

Honestly I think that the anti-name change people are mostly just shilling for DoA because they can't believe that their precious forum with its volunteer mods could be anything but flawless. Or something like that, given how indignantly these people have *always* reacted to confessions criticizing DoA, even before the trans controversy was a thing. There have definitely been some obvious transphobes as well though, whose bile is really more suited to conservative FB pages or something. Go away!          

~Anonymous

21.   

the DOA mods can obviously change people's usernames because it's 2019 and basically every other site in existence can do it. they might have to change the site slightly to accomplish this. maybe there are reasons for them to choose not to do that, but let's stop pretending it's some technological impossibility.

~Anonymous

22.

How about this: Implement a system on DoA that indentifies users by a unique code and allow users to have a changeable display name. Changing the display name could become a paid feature to pay for the technical changes. Think of a system like discord has. It's a win-win situation. Thoughts?            

~Anonymous

[modesty-blaise]

Since I'm curious, what caused you to become very possessive of your gifs? Not out of rudeness but curious, since no matter what you do a lot of them show up in the gif function on Tumblr which automatically credits you at the bottom of the gif.

Hey. Tbh, at first I didn’t wanna bother with yet another anon but since I see no ill intent behind this, I decided to go and answer it. Unfortunately, half-way through I realised my reply is turning into incredibly long semi-bitter rant and expands well beyond calling out just one person in Psychonauts fandom (and yes, this is related to Psychonauts fandom – you do know that these anons are not really that anonymous, right?) so… buckle up! All that beneath “read more”.

I’ve been on this hellsite for like…7-8 years? Maybe more? Can’t really tell cause I moved blogs and my old blog now consists of only 4 posts I’ve made close to leaving so I honestly have no idea how much time I’ve spend here before moving. Anyway, during those few years I’ve spent on my first blog I’ve met a lot of creative gifmakers who enjoyed sharing their love for fandoms they were in. I’d like to point out that this was waaaaay before tumblr created that insert-gif option so, back in the day, the only way to add gifs to your post was to: 1. make them yourself 2. take them from someone else. And a lot of people were taking them from someone else which resulted in many gifmakers giving up on making gifs and leaving fandoms and/or even leaving tumblr – and I’ve had many of my friends give up on what they love and have their games/shows/movies/whatnot ruined for them cause people would not stop stealing from them. And many of my friends eventually left tumblr cause they couldn’t deal with it anymore.

Tumblr adding insert-gif option, in my opinion, honestly, just made it worse for gifmakers. Cause now people had the opportunity to use gifs for their posts, with or without creators’ permission/knowledge, but it was alright and it was perfectly fine cause creators were credited. There’s their name at the bottom. It’s alright. Like… it doesn’t matter if they’re actually okay with people using something they’ve put hours into making or if they’re not – tumblr gives them credit so they SHOULD be okay with it. Simple as that.

Well, we’re all different and some people are not okay with that. I’m not okay with that. It took me weeks to figure out how to use photoshop correctly. Took me countless hours of looking through different tutorials and basically trial-and-error-ing my way through the process. Whenever I make gifs, it takes me hours to record videos and then hours trying to achieve that 3mb limit on gifs (thank lord these days we’re beyond 1mb limit). After all that effort I put into creating gifs for games that I love and enjoy, someone is going to make 2 clicks and have that same gif added to their post, without even asking. So how is that okay?

Back to your question. Yes, “no matter what you do a lot of them show up in the gif function on Tumblr”, that is true and that is something I was aware of when I saw you-know-who announcing they would be starting 30 days Psychonauts challenge. So, hating to see my gifs used against my will, and not wanting to start any unnecessary drama and threaten people in advance with reporting them if they do use them, I’ve made my blog as private as I could. It was only accessible through the dashboard, it was not showing in ANY search engines inside and outside tumblr, and my gifs were impossible to find through insert-gif function – I’ve made sure. I did all that cause I just knew that during those 30 days, someone would use my gifs and I would get mad and I desperately wanted to avoid that (hence going extreme). And you know what happened? You know what creator of this challenge (who prevously already reposted my gifs) did? *drums* They used my shit anyway. :3 They just uploaded it from their computer, where they’ve saved it earlier.

And like… a lot of people see pretty pic and decide to save it - I mean, we all do that. Heck, even I have a folder full of shit I saw online and liked it – but i’m not uploading it online cause I haven’t made it. It’s not mine to share.

But some people are not like that.

Some people see fanart of something they like and they want to share their opinion on it ��� and instead of making their own post, maybe drawing the fanart themselves, they decide to use someone else’s art for their post. Do they know who made it? Do they have creator’s permission to share it? If the answer is NO, then they should be a decent human being and not do that to creators. Oh, they shared it anyway but now people in fandom are calling them out BUT this actually happened on accident? They know who the creator is but, somehow, they accidentally forgot to credit them? OK, well, it’s possible, shit happens, but they better make sure it doesn’t happen again.

Then sometime later these same people decide they want to make a post appreciating their fav character and they want to include pics cause duh, you can’t have character appreciation post without pics, right? Now they have several options: they can get their own screenshots, make their own gifs, maybe draw something… or they can just take someone else’s creation. Do they know who made it? Well there’s my fuckin name on it, and since they’ve stretched it from 245 to 500px, it’s really hard to miss, plus it’s not like there are that many people making Psychonauts gifs. Do they have permission to share it? Hmmm, nope, didn’t ask me. Is this also an accident? Could be. I mean, I’ve seen stranger things happen, so accidentally forgetting to credit content creators twice… kinda suspicious but still possible. Who am I to say?

Now if these people then decide to make a post appreciating their fav ship and they want to add a cute pic of the loving couple – yup, you guessed it! They can either create something or take something. Again: they know who did? They asked for permission? Got the permission? No?!?! But they posted it anyway?!?! :o Could it really be, that after being called out publicly, after being told that reposting is bad (something that’s very easy to understand), after even having tumblr staff intervene and remove stolen shit from their blog, after all that - could it really still be an accident?

Nah, man.

They just don’t give a shit.

Cause if they did, they’d stop with that crap first time they were called out.

(and if you think Psychonauts fandom is their only fandom and that they’re not doing this crap in other fandoms too - hoooo, boy, do I have some bad news for you! Do you know how many stolen and butchered HP fanart is on their blog? Hobbit stuff? They seem to be one of the most accident-prone users on tumblr. And honestly - it’s a real miracle their blog’s not been terminated.)

Back to what I was talking about - I’m not okay with people using my gifs and I’ve made it very clear. I literally do not give a shit if I’m credited or not, I’ve made it very clear that I don’t want my gifs used without my permission. If you like them and want them on your blog, there’s a fuckin reblog button. It’s sole purpose is to allow you to share other people’s creations. Or shitposts, cause lord knows we all love those.

So that’s why when someone spends hours going through my Psychonauts tag and goes as far as to send me “I love your gifs” anonymous message, but the very next day makes stim moodboard post including one of my gifs, now cut and resized to fit 3x3 format they’re going with, I get mad. And that’s why when someone uses one of my gifs to promote their RP blog, butchering it to fit their aesthetics, and later when confronted going as far as blaming their good friend on it cause god! they’ve had no idea it wasn’t theirs, I get mad. (makes you wonder though: if they friend has such skills, why not making them gifs themselves?)

Like…. I’ve had my gifs stolen plenty of times. I’ve had them stolen for roleplaying, for headers, for imagines, just for notes… I’ve had them stolen by people claiming to run official fan sites (that’s a real wild story but I won’t get into that now)… I’ve seen them on pinterest, weheartit, FB, all those random gif sites… and I’ve seen EVERY. POSSIBLE. EXCUSE. ranging from: “well i found it on google so why should i credit you” “lol dunno who made this but its pretty so im posting it” “ive had it on my computer for years so i don’t remember where i got it from” “i dont know how to make gifs so im using weheartit as a source” “credit to whoever made this” (that’s my fav) to “its just a gif so who gives a shit” (it’s not – it’s hours of creator’s time and lots of love that you’re now shitting on so thanks) and “i have an /illness/ and getting notes makes me feel better so dont u dare blame me for stealing” (I don’t remember exact excuse but it was something along those lines and like… how do you even respond to something that without looking like an asshole?).

And sometimes it really is just an accident. Sometimes people really do forget to credit you and/or ask you for permission. And I’ve had my fair share of those accidents. People in Psychonauts fandom have been using my gifs for various crap but, when approached, they’ve removed it and apologised. And it’s something I really appreciate. (if they actually bother reading this and they recognise themselves: i’m really grateful and thank you for not being an ass)

But you know what I don’t appreciate? People making a call out posts about me, asking about my gifs when they know very well they’re the main reasons why I’m not making those gifs anymore, at the same time failing to address any of the issues I have with them and instead rather explaining to others what happened BUT explaining only the parts that make me look like a villain cause how I even dare be mad about them stealing? How I even dare call them out on it? That is so ridiculous and criminal of me, and it’s so so sooooo bad that they need to call me out. I deserve to be called out by the very same person who’s been stealing my shit.

And their explanation is…well… it’s something.

They were sympathetic and polite? When did this happen? Did I completely missed that part? Please someone fuckin enlighten me with such post/message where they expressed their sympathy and politeness and I’ll apologise right this second.

I told them to “literally fuck off”? Yeah, that did happen, I admit that. Did they bother explaining why I told them to fuck off in the first place? Did they say they were caught stealing from me and had tumblr stuff remove my shit from their blog? Did they get into details of how they demanded the proof of my so very wild and obviously false claims but then when I showed it, they just deleted that “how dare u call me out cause I would never do such thing” post? No, they didn’t and geee, I really wonder why.

Instead, what did they choose to address? Out of all the things I’ve said. Hm? What did they choose? Me telling them to fuck off. Me dropping the F-bomb on them, rudely rejecting their obvious kindness and politeness. Nothing else.

Back to what I was talking about before I got derailed again: no, I’m not mad cause this person used my gifs without crediting me. I mean – I am, but that’s not my main issue with them (and they know it). My main issue is that this is someone who will continuously lie and steal and still deny any of it, even when there’s plenty of proof (and you can always count on me to show up with proof tbh), and then go as far as to publicly ask about my gifs and try to call me out. Like me getting mad that something I’ve put hours of work into, and something I’ve made cause I love the game and I want to share my love and appreciation for it, is now being shared against my will and my knowledge - like me getting mad over something like that is so unreasonable that they need to make an entire post about it while pretending they have absolutely no idea why I’m even mad and why we have issues.

And I have every fucking right to be mad. 3 times is not an accident. 2 times to the same person is not an accident. They know it. But yeah, playing stupid is their defense so it’s not like I expected them to actually address their actions this time either.

And you know what? Just because I swear a lot doesn’t mean I’m wrong. Doesn’t mean there’s no solid ground for my claims. People on tumblr have always been and always will be stealing shit. Sometimes they will credit you, often they will not, and that’s just how it is, doesn’t matter if you’re okay with it or not. But that doesn’t mean I’m just gonna sit quiet and accept someone’s shitty behaviour. Especially when it’s directed at me.

TLDR: giving credit =/= having permission

but my previous posts leading to this ask were not about that

you knew that already

[zigsexual]

omg queen give me all your wisdom about interviews and post interview shit i got a few lined up

omg yes bich!!!!!! deadass my fave shit to talk about because the education system (at least in the usa) really doesn’t teach anything about this kind of stuff and its like…… the MOST IMPORTANT thing for u to know in order to succeed!!!! sigh

so for those of u who missed my rage post last night b/c i deleted it lmao,,, i work in recruitment for a fortune 500 company (well 200 if u wanna be more specific!!! gotta run with my street cred) and i am here to DISPEL dumbass tumblr career advice so here we go:

your resume is your most valuable selling point. getting the interview is like 80% of the hard work, so u need to have something STELLAR that helps u get that foot in the door. i’ve looked through so much resume bullshit and from my personal experience, this article and this article have good recommendations for sprucing it up, and here is a great list of verbs to use

a lot of resume info out there contradicts itself, probably even those two articles i just shared, so go with what feels good to you

just, never fuckin use an “objective” section lmao we know ur objective is a job it’s a waste of space

have a linkedin!!!!!!! you don’t have to post on it (actually u probs shouldn’t post, it’s just weird to us like this aint FB ok) but make sure its updated and current to your resume so there’s a frame of reference if people want to go deeper into your background/skills later

so for the actual interview: bring a lil notepad in case u need to take notes, dress nice but don’t look like a punk bitch just try to match their dress code, go to the bathroom before u get there (idk i hate when people make me take them to the bathroom first thing, its weird for everyone involved), get there early but don’t actually go inside until maybe 10 to 5 minutes before the start time (we aren’t gonna pick u up until the start time b/c schedules are tight so u just end up waiting there looking dumb) and beforehand make sure u have prepared answers/examples for common questions – see below

behavioral questions: interviewers love this shit, consult this list and WRITE DOWN an example for each one. im serious, each one. use this format (i love the muse in case u didnt notice lol) or remember the STAR acronym: Situation, Task, Action, Results. regardless it’s GREAT practice for u and gets u in a good frame of mind to answer these types of questions.

greatest weakness: fuck this question, it’s really amateur but some people still ask it. don’t do the “a weakness that is really a strength!!!” bullshit b/c we see thru it. pick a real weakness that’s not too much of a roadblock, then talk about how u work to overcome it and use examples. interviewers shit themselves over examples.

tell me about yourself: thismeans your professional self, not your personal self. Talk through yourresume/job experiences, your educational background, your interest in theindustry/position, etc. no one cares if u like dogs. we all fuckin like dogs ok               

ALSO!!!!! do not tell them EEA information (age, marital status, etc.)that makes u look like an idiot and now u have voluntarily discloseddemographics about yourself that might result in discrimination,,, this is thebiggest eye roll for me it makes u look very juvenile and inexperienced

you really should ask questions at the end, butdon’t make them up for bullshit points. i have actually seen people lose a jobb/c they just….. didn’t ask anyone any questions lmao. some positions it’s like,we WANT to know that ur curious!!!!! like are u not wondering what software weuse, what management tactics we use, how the work/life balance is managed,etc.???? come up with some legit questions u have about the position or thecompany ahead of time, or this is also a time to use ur lil notebook wherehopefully u have been recording questions that come up in ur mind throughoutthe interview

ok WHEW!!! that’s all for now sis im tired,, it’s saturdayand i don’t want to think about my job anymore lol. but u guys are myhomies so if u ever really have more questions about this stuff, im happy tohelp!!! spread the love heauxs, get those jobs and that yung money cash money

[iart1992]

Is it bad that I feel happy when other fandoms attack Armys? I think BTS fandom is so toxic and arrogant like how they hate on Stray Kids for allegedly copying BTS' concept. I hate how they treat Jin like he is not part of the group. I hate how they defend Big Hit and attack Jin stans for voicing our opinions. Even other fandoms (not BTS fans) treat Jin better than Armys. I'm so glad that they are finally getting called out on their shit

I have two friends who have told me: “You know what? I like BTS, but I can’t call myself an ARMY, because this fandom is so egocentric and so mean even towards its own members.”

Tbh I don’t feel that they are wrong. Armys are a huge community and it’s natural to have every kind of human type in the fandom. I am not saying that all the Armys are bad, but there is a percentage that is a shame to the fandom. Those people have to remember that we are the face of the group. How can someone take BTS seriously if their fanbase acts immature and mean? We are supposed to spread love and not hate, like our boys want, as they support us as much as we support them. 

There is no need to compare and antagonize other groups or sending hate towards others. We need to focus on promoting and support our boys. Likewise the stans of other groups should do the same. I’ve seen cocky comments of Armys saying BTS did what Big Bang couldn’t and that BTS are superior for example. Those Armys have to undestand that Big Bang have accomplished huge acheivements and formed kpop to today’s status. BTS are always humble towards older groups or even younger ones and always repsect the hard work of others. Armys should follow their steps.

On the other hand, I don’t consider someone as an Army, when he/she doesn’t support all the members. I am not against of having a bias and lean towards a member more, because of course someone will appeal to you more than the other, but I don’t accept the hate. Armys are known of having a poll about which member should leave the group, because they didn’t consider JHope attractive enough to be in BTS. Look at them now hyping over his mixtape and saying he deserves the world. Hypocritical much. 

As for being a Jin stan in the fandom is a very difficult task. We ask the most rational and basic things and we get treated like our demands are out of this world. Obviously we wouldn’t complain if Jin was treated right, by the company. I don’t know why some armys attack us for being solo stans. That’s why many times I am loosing faith in this fandom. But there are times, where I see comments of armys whose bias isn’t Jin, but complain on behalf of him in order to have more lines,more screen time and also they comment on how beautiful he sings and looks.I’ve read a friend post on fb on which Jin’s stans were compared to rare and beautiful pokemon. I really liked the simile,because we are one of a kind like our precious Jin.Not to mention, the strongest. ;) That kind of people restore my faith to the fandom and they are my favourite. 

Sometimes I don’t wanna be called myself an Army either, because of the solo stans, the haters and the bad behaviours. But then I remember what BTS have asked and what a true army means.

-Support and love all the members

-Love and support their music

-Be kind and spread the love

So let’s focus on that and there is a sarcastic saying in my language that it says you hate because deep down you admire ;)

[herkingmentality-shesunbreakable]

I knew of my neighbor for 3 to 5 years before I began talking to him 2020 and before he told me his name was "Manche" (from California and Mississippi) I called him "James" thinking that was his name. It's Detrick. And he is in the military and he is one of the sickest and most demented informants I've ever met. If I explained how sick he was, I would be revealing even more personal and intimate details. We talked for about a few months and then became "serious" for 3 weeks. And now its over.

I told this man that he'd already made me cry and that he seems so blood thirsty that he wanted to traumatize me more and he smiled.

He and I were talking, I told him that we had freckles and moles in the same places (fingers, nose, a mole right on our nose and around it) and this man has no conscience. He was sadistic at times but would makes excuses like its just how he is. Yet he kept telling me we had a future, saying us and we and we will be business partners. And he even suggested we become roommates. I have met men who I knew 1 to 2 years before they began to mob in e in covert and twisted ways. Stalking, gaslighting me about journal entries and posts I make. He acted like he didn't know anything about me and like he didn't believe I was celibate 13 years. But he would gas light me about personal details about me while pretending he had to ask me questions again like "what's your sign?"

"110" my neighbors apartment number who's name is Manche or Detrick...told me that he travelled alot and that he ended up in "Ghost Town Kentucky." I have a journal entry on FB from when I was a teen and I called Kentucky a ghost town. He spelled my name wrong in his phone but could gas light me about things not even on Facebook. He also gas lit me about drones. during sex after I just looked at a screen shot of a drone article earlier that day. Shit like that gets men stabbed to death. He was hateful while in me. And he smiled and looked at me like a psychotic man. I told him over and over that I wanted our bond to be special. He has no conscience.

He gas lit me about private saved posts on Instragam. And he tosses up the bapohment like he is rich and he gains fame. And he did all this evil shit to distort my mind and tried to confuse me. When I told him that I don't want to be with him at all and that I only wanted to end things on a good note with him, he insisted we keep seeing each other. Begged and clung to me but I told him "I know you are a covert narcissist and you have evil intentions towards me."

Its hard to admit that I thought he would be a happy ending for me or be this black man in my story who couldn't have ever betrayed me like that. White men treated me better and I have been mobbed by white men that seemed like they could not be as sick and evil as this black man.

Now I am next door to a man who has been alone for 3 to 5 years and seems to have no friend's either or family and visitors and I am rushing to move away from him. I've told my twin and his g.f about this man and his bedroom set up. He kept his bedroom locked for months and one day last week I he accidentally left it open and I see these bunk beds in his bedroom loft and I say "are you so wired from being in war zones that you need to feel like you are still there?" He told me he is military minded. (Here is a 👶...here is a 💣...🔥💥🔥💥🔥 here is his his possible baby in pieces 🎉🎊) its confetti.

Being watched and hoovered doesn't scare me though I can not underestimate the effects of it. My neighbor can pretend I am not saying his name online. He wanted me to be his secretary, business manager, photographer, and he told me I had all this hard work ahead of me and I kept telling him "I don't go to clubs and I would never go into one and photograph intoxicated women or women on sex pills." And "You are not my type." I even told him he could be like Stevie on LOVE AND HIP HOP who was accused of brutality raping his daughter by Joseline and another woman. I don't want to date a rapper who'd get anal probed and sell out his own child. Not my dream come true!

[imyourforeverbestfriendarmygurl]

I woke up at 4:30 and can't sleep Idk if I should post this or not but people might get the wrong context and idea you know..but since I'm already awake and for sure nobody's reading this let's just post it anyway and regret again later, I can't get confuse I told you from the last post but I told my friends about something and they were like "brah why you settle for less? Why you allow this? Why you want that?" TbH Idk..I have no solid answers Idk why I let him, actually idk why him in the 1st place, you know actually we all know that the love is there but why is it not enough? I'm at a point in my life where I just wanna be happy but my mind won't stop stressing about it, idk I'm not stress or I don't wanna be but still everytime/everyday I'm expecting maybe (a lil bit) I know he told me not to expect anything, but I'm overwhelmed with everything that is happening now I think im OA already,but look at our conversation on FB:

I told him that the delivery guy earlier is cute and handsome then he said "you shuda grab the name and add him on FB maybe he's your the one" like bbooiii if you're jealous you could've just admitted you're jealous why say things like that..makes it complicated for everyone now no one knows if you're legit jealous or what.. then after this:

I said " sorry I got excited, why you suddenly giving me away?" He said "why say sorry you're not mine in the 1st place" why do you have to say that? Like boiii stfu seriously you wanted to make this a big deal? Have I done anything wrong to you besides this? Do I deserve an "in you face " kind of statement..like I know I'm not yours.. and I dint say I am.. also I know that I'm such a loser for all this but still I'm choosing to be this all over again, I'm ranting here because I'm trying not to send him a message and fight with him, this is my only platform to release because I've learned my lesson the moment I've messaged him, he wouldn't understand and all he's gonna say to me is "that's not what I meant" then I'll be more pissed because now its gonna be my fault again, that I don't understand that's not what he meant when clearly he "in your face" me, then we'll fight, then he's not gonna message me, then I am left wondering what I did again. He's always saying people get the wrong message everytime he's trying to say something/ miscommunication and I know like 100% of the time we're always doing that so by all means I shud know that it's not what he meant. He dint intend to hurt me, he's probably just stating facts, but I hate the fact.

Then he told me he's getting soar throat so I ended up worried again asking him to drink medicine and take good care of himself, I always end up being caring and concern about his welfare but he doesn't probably care, idk after all the efforts eh idk this Guy is so confusing, hes always saying things he dint mean like boiii don't say it if you don't mean it.. like seriously now I'm questioning the fact that you've told me you love me.. is it not what you meant too? Idk.. don't judge him okay, he's really a good guy it's just sometimes I'm losing shit and I can't handle him. I'm so normal and understanding that I had to adjust since I always understand, sometimes I'm even questioning if I even deserve this? Maybe not. But idk anymore..he's so honest and frank about things you shouldn't be frank about and keeps the good words to himself..like booiii choose your words..maybe it's just me.. I'm too sensitive for that.. sometimes hes always reminding me to not take things negative because for those who doesn't know I'm a negastar all I think is negative.. I can't control at some point I'll think of negativity, sadness, I'll be down so sudden, I'll be ranting randomly, you know drama. But after a while will regret, that's why I don't wanna message him cause I know I'll regret it in the end, I said so many hurtful words towards him last 2018 and I regret it, he doesnt even deserve to be treated that way that's why 2019 I said okay enough of fighting him, nagging him, forcing him to do things on my way will let him take over and he did take over 2020 it's just that you know at some point you can't resist to not rant and be pissed also if your trying to control yourself... like seriously the equation is easy why do you have to go hard? You know like you're seeing the word on word search but can't tell him that because its him taking over so let him be. I'm really sleepy right now by the way it's already 5:30 am I think I'll stop ranting and go back to sleep lol my eyes are kind of giving up already lol okay nough said goodnight :)

[stayreal69-blog1]

I had 3 hours to type this, do you have 10 mins to read it?

Ok so this started as a text message to my mom, about something completely unrelated and with a totally different end point in mind. About half way through the first section I said fuck it, I've been meaning to start a blog, I've been writing shit that gets ignored on FB by "people I may know," because they see my posts and think, "Nope, fuck that. Too many words." So why not get ignored by the world? For the same reason? At least maybe if I make it accessible 7 billion people, 7 of them may read it? Or not. I don't really give a shit anymore, if I'm being honest. Ok this into has gotta outta hand so imma just paste this shit I wrote about emotions, right under this shit, about my shit, about emotions. Ready? 3...2..fuck it. Just read.

My theory is...love and happiness are the only two true human nature feelings. The only true feelings like, close your eyes say "hello" without moving moving your mouth, completely in your head. That voice you heard say "hello", like those feelings, that everyone one has when there born. I think of that "voice" as the voice of the literal driving force of our pysiscal forms. Some call it the soul, some call it the spirit; I call it the mind. I could dive deeper into that at some point but for the sake of this is probably going to be long as fuck already, and its a bit of a touchy subject for some, I'll just continue with what I started on. Those two emotions are some how...hell I don't know exactly, I'm a thinker, not a doctor (yet🤔😷) are hard wired to the Heart, I refer to them as "Heart Emotions." Other emotions are absorbed through observation and hard wired into the brain as things we observe are. These emotions include, but not limited to, anger, sadness, and maybe even fear, that one is debatable...I'll save that one for part 2 though(?)🤔I refer to these as "brain emotions."

Love and happiness are the only two emotions a fully functioning human mind is born with, period. But all the rest of the emotions (mind emotions) are picked up through observation for everyone, that's why the majority of people (I'll use the word "guppy" for sakes of labeling without and adjective because fuck adjective labels, for this group of people) basically keep to themselves, mind their business, and do their thing. Sure guppies still get mad at things, they still get upset, and they still can have "hate" rooted in emotion, but they express their emotional responses in private where the least amount of people possible are effected, for the most part, because after all is said and done their natural emotions will overpower the observational based mind emotions. Their human nature is to love but they have been taught to get angry, or whatever the case my be, so they naturally, can not bring themselves to harming anyone on purpose, whether that is psysical or emotional or whatever. When a guppy has a connection to something through both mind and heart emotions, they respond irrationally. All emotional responses are natural, its the specific emotion that it's attached to the determines the level of irrationality of said response. After all is said and done, a purely natural emotion will overpower one that's absorbed from the outside. There's a small percentage of people (I'll use tangs for these folks non-adjective label because remember 🖕adjective label) that seem to have something a little off in their mind, do crazy shit, right? I think that "thing" may be, they were born, mind emotion in their brain. (That's not redundant) That's why when those emotions are triggered they have radically irrational reactions, due to the irrational emotional response. What I mean by is purposely bringing pysiscal harm to someone that isn't trying to bring pysiscal harm to you. Both guppies and tangs vary in how much influence any emotion has on them, some people get worse colds🤒 than others, but at the end of the day natural-born emotions will overpower absorbed emotions. That's just how it is for humans in this universe (or dimension, or maybe just this planet) there's not much we can do about it. It's been the case since the beginning of time. When I look into REAL world history, it seems to me like as the access to information increased, the senseless violence and cruel shit people do to others, increases as well. It only makes sense, eventually a tang would come into some position of notarity that alot of people would listen to and believe(king, politician, mom; are all, but not all of, the examples of positions of notarity) because why wouldn't they? Its natural to take what the people we love to heart right? That's one of the irrational responses to the heart emotion love. 💥 Boom! (another topics for a different time) The result? More and more guppies absorb those mind emotions, natural only to tangs, through the expression of the irrational responses caused by them. Mostly during the adolescent years, but usually hold influence their entire lives. So if your still with me here maybe you're willing to hang with me for the summary in form of a fictional example of the spread of a mind emotion from the beginning of humanity until today, short form.

Ok so, right after the caveman days, every person alive were guppies. One day the first tang is born with the mind emotion anger. The tang is like all the guppies except his response to negative stimuli is irrational and much different than how the other guppies would respond to the same stimuli. But he doesn't bring harm to anyone because he hasn't encountered something impactful enough on the anger to cause a radical reaction. He grows up and becomes the head of the village, all the children look up to the leader, they love him, they absorb his angry responses and mimic them. They mimic them so much it becomes 2nd natural. Kinda like muscle memory. Anger in expressed in the original tang fashion would be passed on and on, for a while, mostly parent guppy to baby guppy for a while, humanity advances to a point where there are now tons of guppies in the world and a few tangs. But almost all the guppies have absorbed tang natural emotions. The start of all tang influences could all be traced back to a few individual tangs at some point but for the most part the emotion is absorbed by a guppy through observation of a guppy. Of course through time the mimiced responses may change but they're nothing serious. Then newspapers start becoming popular, a tang gets a job as a reporter. He's a great reporter and lots of people read his work, maybe even have a love for his writings. One day he's out on a farm, you know reporting on some shit. He's irritable from the time he got there. Things happen that make him more and more angry but for the sake of keeping his job he holds it in, until he gets bitten by a horse and absolutely loses it. I mean goes ape shit. Looses his fucking mind!! He makes a negative emotional connection to that horse. He hates that fucking horse. As a matter of fact he hates all fucking horses. He's going to go write in the news paper about how horses suck...all the time. He starts to even talk about how all horses should be killed. Total horse extinction. He may loose some his followers here, because who doesn't love horses? But a few guppies stick with him because they've had negative experience with horses so they're also on the "fuck horses" agenda, but maybe not all horses, just the horse that pissed them off. The "fuck (this) horse" agenda gets pretty popular and grows through over time. Then one day another tang comes along, catches wind of the "fuck horses" campaign and remembers when he was 8 years old his horse kick him in the face, fucking his shit all up. He's had this seething hatred for horses the whole time since then but now he see other people feel the same way. So what does he do? He goes on a horse head chopping spree with a machete because that's radical irrational emotional reaction, caused by his irrational emotional response to stepping in horse shit a few days after hearing about the "fuck horses" campaign. 🤔

But that's just my theory. Its probably all just bullshit. 😂✋🐴

[blake-nikos]

post con trans thoughts

A week later and i’m pretty much recovered form avcon and looking through FB and tumbler for photos of myself  in my pyrrha cosplay (still yet to find any)   and while  looking through tumbler i notice there a more trans people  attending the con then i thought its actually nice to see.    one of my favorite things about cons is i can dress as a girl  and even if i struggle  to pass as female it dosen’t matter,  people dont care they still run up to me screaming pyrrha and take photos.  there is so little hate there between people  its amazing.

although i did have one asshole give me a  smart ass remark, but it was about my weight and not the whole dressing as a girl thing....   so even the trolls are nicer cons i guess. Im going to tack this on hear cos it  doesn't really need its own post. so ive been debating  on telling my mother that im trans  and it was starting to lean to the “yes i should camp” until the other night,  my mother knows im bi   she always says “i dont understand it but i accept it”  which is a bit of a cop-out in itself...     so i met a cute girl  that had just joined the  viking age reenactment group im with and i was training her in the basics of swordsmanship and we kinda it it off. so i was telling my mother about her and she responds with “oh. you like a girl im surprised,”    I cut her off before  she finished but  its shit like this with her all the time, not to mention she used to say “bi people are broken, people should love just one sex or the other  not both”  before i came out, if she has a hard time with the fact that im bi  i think telling her im trans might giver her a brain aneurysm. 

[spotlightsaga]

Kevin Cage of @spotlightsaga reviews... Rick and Morty (S03E02) Rickmancing The Stone Airdate: July 30, 2017 @adultswim Ratings: 2.859 Million :: 1.48 18-49 Demo Share Score: 8.5/10 @cartoonnetwork @danharmon TVTime/FB/Twitter/Tumblr/Path/Pinterest: @SpotlightSaga *********MINIMAL TO NO SPOILERS********* Change is fucking hard. When something as monumental as divorce goes down during your childhood, whether it be at a very young age to all the way through to your later teen years and even beyond, it's never an easy adjustment. While it's true that i don't have a father, biologically speaking (I do but he literally has NEVER contacted me - lines open, pussy, redemption is just a call away), I was lucky enough to see my mother stand by her husband, a man whose rightfully earned the title of 'Dad' in my life. Don't trip, I'm not getting mushy here, I know my cartoon audience! Parents fuck us up, then they nag, then they don't speak to you, then they smother you (sometimes with a pillow). It's a vicious cycle, really. Seeing my mother stand by a man who literally almost completely destroyed himself and nearly took everyone down the dark and treacherous rabbit hole of addiction with him was extremely confusing. I harbored feelings of anger and resentment at first, but after awhile he made spectacular & unexpected life changes for the better. Suddenly I realized he wasn't some shit sucking asshole, he was just human, something we're all guilty of in one way or another. People make mistakes, and they sometimes self-destruct for no reason at all, and most everyone's first 'Fight or Flight' reaction is to pack up your shit and fucking RUN. I'm so glad that my mother didn't do that, we have our differences, but my Dad is one of the few male role models I have, that actually taught me something real in this world and given things I can really use and apply to real life situations. Sometimes you have to step away from people for awhile, but if you really love them, you never give up. I'm not sure if 'Rick & Morty' is the best place to pull out my existential bucket of ooey-gooey fun, maybe sometimes it is and sometimes it isn't... That's the incredible thing about this series in general! Where a great toon like 'Mike Tyson Mysteries' is frankly all fun & games, 'Rick & Morty' is layered (like a fucking onion, y'all) and far more than just a slapstick cartoon for stoners. People are finding that not only is this series funny beyond all reason, it's also incredibly endearing and real. The series main character, chemical friendly & artist of intellect, Rick Sanchez (Justin Rowland), would never admit it, but underneath all the multi-dimensional murders and lowbrow side effects from his chemical hobbies is a regular, mad scientist type Grandpa with a big ol' heart. Don't get me wrong, Rick has every right to tell Jerry (Chris Parnell) to fuck off... The whole 'tiny planet' fiasco and selling Rick out just wasn't a good look, it was a pathetic disaster, a true low point, and it landed Jerry in a job where he's paid in pill supplements and is basically a cuckold to the invading alien race... Oh, and then there's that god-awful windbreaker. Most straight men have problems dressing themselves after a separation or divorce, but damn... Can't nobody tell Jerry 1992 has long since came and gone, even though I wish it hadn't!?! Beth (Sarah Chalke) and Jerry had already been on the outs for two seasons, so this whole divorce thing was a long time coming. As much as I hate Gary's new post-relationship windbreaker, I am so in love with this new, improved, 'no fucks given' Summer Smith (Spencer Grammer). I feel like the place that Summer is at in her life in this very moment is the exact same place I would be and the exact same something I would do if I had an evil/heartwarming genius Grandfather, like Rick, who could travel back in time & space and alternate dimensions... And spend extended time in another realm ala Turbo Kid (2015), Doomsday (2008), or Escape From New York (1981 - Prepare for more Post-Apocalyptic film references). Not all R&M fans are happy tho, but that's because the show is expanding and going deeper... We're seeing an important evolution of the show and like it or not, it's a road that's necessary for the series to take so that it may spread its wings, giving us something new every time. R&M isn't a show that just pops us often... It's sacred, there's nothing on tv like it. It's literally a revolutionary metamorphosis for the #animatedseries genre. It cannot keep giving you the same ol', same ol' and hitting that one note that caught our attention in the first place and still survive with integrity... There's so many goddamn different and unexpected notes that this show can and will hit, both in the near and distant future, that it's completely unfair to ask it to remain stagnant so that we can have our normal R&M laughs. Shit just doesn't work like that, bruh'. Morty is terrified of this new Summer... But I don't think it's purely 'genuine concern'. Sure, that's a part of it, but already in S3 we are seeing Summer kind of inch him out of his co-anchor or sidekick spot with his Grandad. It's never easy to share the attention and affection of the ones we love, especially when the 'one that's loved' in question can literally make the impossible completely and totally possible. Morty has his own shit he's dealing with though, hell even Rick is feeling the toxic effects of the biggest divorce ever broadcast on animated tv. Weird, but true. In 'Rickmancing The Stone', Morty, Summer, and Rick all head to a 'Mad Max', post apocalyptic, style universe where men wear buckets on their heads, killing is for sport, and ultimately a place where you have to fight for all the things you want, to the death... Basically the literal opposite of what Jerry is doing with Beth. It's all a fantastic juxtaposition of the very life back at their original 'Earth 1' that they are trying to escape from and it's incredible to see this 'Nihilistic Wasteland' through three different sets of eyes, each character gaining something different from the experience. Spotlight Saga's Cartoon Fans are incredibly strict when it comes to spoilers, so I'm not here to spoil the episode (Spoiler Free! Yayy). I know that there are many of you, outside of TVTime, that read these articles for the content and don't necessarily watch the show. I'd love to take you deeper on this one, but I simply can't. We can give you the rundown on the basic plot, but trust me, anything beyond that and Cartoon Purists will legit crucify all of us over here on a broken telephone pole. Besides, when we tell you that 'Rick & Morty' could possibly be the greatest American Animated Television Series of All Time... We fucking mean it. This isn't a show that you want to miss out on, so those that are avid readers (and yeah, we fucking love you for it), know that this is one of the special ones that you need to set your DVR, buy the season on #Vudu or wherever you can access it and give it a thorough once, twice, three or even more times over. I, myself, have personally watched this particular episode 4 times already, and it won't be the last. The series, as a whole, is still holding strong at #7 on #IMDB's user rated list of Top Rated TV Shows (of all time), holding a 9.3/10 with nearly 138,000 votes and counting. That's some seriously heavy shit for an Adult Swim cartoon to find itself smack dab in the middle of a comprehensive list of all the greats w/series like GOT, Breaking Bad, The Wire, and The Sopranos. It's seriously everything that everyone says it is and more. Really. Those that ARE watching and are a little taken aback by the show suddenly taking a new direction and tackling serious issues through brand new avenues, give it a chance. This show has done right by you so far, it's definitely not going to let you down. I rarely put my stamp on a series outside of praising a season, or certain episodes because you never know what kind of hard turn a show is going to take... But let me tell you... I believe in 'Rick & Morty', and wherever this fresh faced S3 is taking us, I want in on the fucked up, Science Fiction laced, blood soaked, LSD inspired shot storm of a road trip fully stocked with McDonald's Mulan Szchuan Sauce... ESPECIALLY since the show is clearly embracing a bit of #existentialism and stirring it up in its big bowl of psychedelic, 'what the fucks', never-ending, unpredictable journeys... All while continuing to turn old tropes into something that feels incredibly new and progressive. Wabba Lubba Dub Dub!

[bugclub-archive-blog]

all the questions :)

1. selfieI post enough2. what would you name your future kids?I have a lot of names I love…sophia + Sadie are my favorites 💞 3. do you miss anyone?Yea, one or two people. One is my dad4. what are you looking forward to?My anniversary with my bf :)5. is there anyone who can always make you smile?My dogs 💞 6. is it hard for you to get over someone?No!! Damn near the second I’m away from someone I can’t even comprehend their existence anymore so…no. that’s also why it’s easy for me to not miss people I’ve been away from for a long time 7. what was your life like last year? When it started I was doing an independent sort of thing where I thought I was finding who I was but I was just influenced by things and music and people and I was actually completely wrong about the person I thought I wanted to be. She wasn’t that great. At the very end of the year I was taking a serious stand for myself. I think I grew a lot 8. have you ever cried because you were so annoyed?Yes this is usually why I cry. Probably like 75% of the time it’s cause I’m stressing9. who did you last see in person?I’m with Emilio and Antonio rn!10. are you good at hiding your feelings?So good. Scary good. I don’t do it a lot, almost never anymore, but I know that I can. Its no good in my experience11. are you listening to music right now?No. But we are video chatting anyone and everyone who is active on fb rn. 10/10 12. what is something you want right now?I want a cup noodles but without the wait.13. how do you feel right now?Very happy and very comfy. I just washed alL out sheets and blankets and they’re super soft and smell delicious14. when was the last time someone of the opposite sex hugged you?Earlier when my husband got home from work he gave me and Capone a big hug 💟 15. personality descriptionOf myself? It’s not my place to say 16. have you ever wanted to tell someone something but you didn’t?Yes, a million billion times, even right this second, 17. opinion on insecurities.Eh. They’re never as bad as you think. I guess that’s a given18. do you miss how things were a year ago?Eh, sorta! It was getting warm and I was smoking hella bud with Emilio just like now, and I miss how that felt. I miss how it felt being his friend even though I never wanna be just his friend again. I don’t miss my old job at all. I guess mostly what I miss was how I was on the road a lot last May and doing my own thing usually all by myself. I didn’t even see my friends that much last May, it was a weird month. I wouldn’t wanna go back, but I’d rather be in last May than last winter or fall 2015.19. have you ever been to New York?Yes and I loved every second of it.20. what is your favourite song at the moment?Maybe love by Kendrick Lamar or redbone. Loyalty + pride are also good ass songs. 21. age and birthday?20, born March 2422. description of crush.Handsome as hell, gold in his eyes and his hair when the sun shines on him23. fear(s)Puppets on strings and going insane. I answered this the other day so it’s been on the mind a little bit 24. height5'425. role modelNot sure. My dad’s smart26. idol(s)Helen Stephenson 27. things i hateLies, deceit, racism, sexism, backstabbing, 28. i’ll love you if…You have good intentions and good jokes29. favourite film(s)The boondock saints is one of my favorites. I also love Harold and Maude30. favourite tv show(s)The office, scrubs, unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt, 30 rock, Malcolm in the middle, my name is Earl, parks and rec, that 70s show, 31. 3 random facts1.Cabbage is a descendant of the mustard plant.2. Kale is a descendant of the mustard plant.3. Multiple plants are descendants of the mustard plant.32. are your friends mainly girls or guys?I guess guys33. something you want to learnMore about plant identification. I wanna be able to go into the forest and know by name what I’m looking at. I learned a few this spring walking around rum village 🌿34. most embarrassing momentMy dad finding my journals a bunch of years back. Even worse was when my family went through my room while I was locked up in the hospital. My grandma and aunt use to take me to ponderosa for breakfast to give me the sex talk once a year it sucked35. favourite subjectScience!! Earth science in particular. I did good in geometry so I like that by default but I wouldn’t wanna do math rn. I’d totally do some science shit rn though36. 3 dreams you want to fulfill?See America, see the world, and marry my baby daddy37. favourite actor/actressI don’t have any in particular38. favourite comedian(s)Man, me and Emilio watched a bunch of standup this spring. I love john mulaney. I wish I could give you more names but I’m forgetful39. favourite sport(s)I love playing baseball but I like watching hockey and football40. favourite memoryJeez, who knows. Any family vacation I went on was always a high point. On one trip we went to sleeping Bear dunes in Michigan and I climbed up the biggest hill realllllly fast and everyone was impressed. That was cool41. relationship statusMarried and chillin42. favourite book(s)Catcher in the rye, the great Gatsby, hitchhikers guide to the galaxy, journey to the center of the earth, 20000 leagues under the sea!!! I love that last one so much43. favourite song ever100% by sonic youth and a very certain acoustic performance of wasted and ready by Ben kweller 💐44. age you get mistaken forProbably anything younger than 2045. how you found out about your idolGoth girl message boards 46. what my last text message says“Sorry we did this”47. turn onsDon’t wanna make this blog nsfw but I’m bout to get some d later so that’s kind of working for me 48. turn offsPpl being mean to me49. where i want to be right nowHere is fine 50. favourite picture of your idolNow I regret making Helen my idol she probably thinks I’m so lame 51. starsignAries sun that’s all y'all need to know52. something i’m talented atKissing emilio53. 5 things that make me happyCup noodles, stuffed animals, new makeup, making money, being out In nature 54. something thats worrying me at the momentI’m about to start a new job it’s a little nerve-racking you know 55. tumblr friendsI don’t know if we are friends (I want to be) but I have some really cool mutuals whom I love to watch flourish 🌸 like @angel-macabre @corporateaccount @lushdeath @312413 @heartshapedspiderweb @cheapexorcisms @sediao and others I know I am forgetting this doesn’t mean I love and respect you any less it just means I’m turnt up bitch and tired as hell56. favourite food(s)“The soup”. Its Emilio’s dad’s recipe and I’m confident that I’ve mastered it.57. favourite animal(s)Weasels and dogs58. description of my best friendHandsome as hell, gold in his hair and his eyes when the sun shines on him59. why i joined tumblrI can’t even remember!! It was so long ago…this blog isn’t even my first blog. I wish I could remember why I started it and what I first posted. My first blog is long, long gone. Wish I could find it! Fun fact: my first urls were auricy, fiftene, (and then sixtene on my birthday), boysister, zodomy, and a bunch of others, but I’ve been bugclub for like 4 years now

🌻💞🌻💞🌻💞

[octannibal-blake]

Rules: once you have been tagged you are supposed to write 92 truths about yourself. at the end, choose however many people you want to tag.

thank you @from-the-ashes-we-will-rise for the tag. i’m doing it...finally

And i’m tagging: followers, ur up. 

LAST

[1] drink: diet coke [2] phone call: my smother  [3] text message: my main  [4] song you listened to: idk the song but i know its lil yachty [5] time you cried: fuck you last night

HAVE YOU EVER

[6] dated someone twice: no [7] been cheated on: lol [8] kissed someone and regretted it: regret? no.   [9] lost someone special: Yes [10] been depressed: #life [11] gotten drunk and thrown up: oh god the traumaAAA

LIST 3 FAVOURITE COLOURS

[12] BLACK [13] MORE BLACK [14] blue

IN THE LAST YEAR HAVE YOU

[15] made new friends: sure [16] fallen out of love: no [17] laughed until you cried: Yes [18] found out someone was talking about you: who gives a hell [19] met someone who changed you: yes [20] found out who your true friends are: sure [21] kissed someone on your facebook list: my partner is my fb friend but hes about to not be if he posts one more stupid ass meme on my wall

GENERAL

[22] how many of your tumblr friends do you know in real life: none  [23] do you have any pets: i has a pupper  [24] do you want to change your name: only so i dont have to spell it everytime i am on the phone  [25] what did you do for your last birthday: not a damn thing. im at that age where birthdays are just depressing. [26] what time did you wake up: 7am [27] what were you doing at midnight last night: sleeping  [29] when was the last time you saw your mother: sunday?? [30] what is one thing you wish you could change about your life: i wish i had more money so i could travel [31] what are you listening to right now: lil yachty... [32] have you ever talked to a person named tom: my uncle [33] something that is getting on your nerves: passive aggressiveness  [35] elementary: yes but i am not smarter than a fifth grader [36] high school: lol yes [37] college: YES HOLY SHIT I GET IT I AM A N C I E N T [38] hair colour: dark blonde [39] long or short hair: depends on who you ask [40] do you have a crush on someone: bellamy blake  [41] what do you like about yourself: i’m hilarious, independent, and happy with myself. i also have a very blunt honesty. [42] piercings: nose and ears [44] nickname: pheeb [45] relationship status: in a relationship [46] zodiac sign: capricorn [47] pronouns: she/her [48] fav tv show: the 100 / Game of Thrones [49] tattoos: i have 3 [50] right or left handed: right

FIRST

[51] surgery: never had one [52] piercing: ears [53] best friend: weve been bffs since we were 3. so 21 years of friendship. [54] sport: basketball [55] vacation: Atlanta i think [56] pair of trainers: why the fuck would i know this

RIGHT NOW

[57] eating: nothing [58] drinking: nothing [59] I’m about to: eat [60] listening to: my partners pandora...god help me [61] waiting for: fooooooood [62] want: bellarke to rise #PRAISE [63] get married: that word makes me cringe. neverrrrrr [64] career: i work with survivors of domestic violence and sexual assault

WHICH IS BETTER

[65] hugs or kisses: kisses gawd i hate hugs [66] lips or eyes: eyes [67] shorter or taller: taller [68] older or younger: older  [69] romantic or spontaneous: neither tbh lol [70] nice arms or nice stomach: nice person [71] sensitive or loud: neither [72] hook up or relationship: either or [73] troublemaker or hesitant: hesitant

HAVE YOU EVER

[74] kissed a stranger? wow these are the questions that will make me sound “bad”...yes sure okay [75] drank hard liquor? unfortunately [76] lost glasses/contact lenses? yes [77] turned someone down: yes [78] sex on first date? .....i mean it wasn’t good if that’s any consolation. [79] broken someone’s heart? maybe [80] had your own heart broken? yes [81] been arrested? no actually see i’m not that experienced [82] cried when someone died? Yep [83] fallen for a friend: yes

DO YOU BELIEVE IN

[84] yourself? iof course [85] miracles? i thnk so [86] love at first sight? no [87] santa claus? nope [88] kiss on the first date? sure  [89] angels? the jury is still out on that one.

OTHER

[90] current best friend’s name:   [91] eye colour: blue [92] favourite movie: hidden figures