#i hate learning to be more in tune with my feelings!!! it fucking sucks!!! would like to go back and not try to sort them out

[julesnichols]

It's 2 AM and I'm very hormonal and very sad

[papermint-airplane]

WARNING: HUGE RANT AHEAD

As per the request from @nectar-cellar:

Oh boy prepare yourself for a foul-mouthed rant because I am MAD!!!! 😠😠😠😠 Not at you, NC. I love you. You can do no wrong in my eyes. 😘

No I am mad at this STUPID FUCKING SIM holy shit

OK FIRST OF ALL

He started life like THIS

What I can only describe as "Disney's Aladdin visits a dude ranch". Yes, I know I have used that exact outfit (minus the boots) for Roman before, shut up, you're not here to expose my hypocrisy, you're here to suffer with me because OH BOY DID I SUFFER.

Ok so he turned out like this. Not bad, you say? No. Bad. Very bad.

I SPENT TWO AND A HALF FUCKING HOURS ON THIS STUPID MOTHERFUCKER AND THERE'S STILL SOMETHING OFF ABOUT HIS FACE AND I CAN'T FIGURE OUT WHAT AND I PUT CONTOURING MAKEUP ON HIS FACE AND YOU CAN BARELY SEE IT BECAUSE FOR SOME REASON, THIS SKINTONE IS IMPOSSIBLE TO COLOR MATCH TONIGHT AND I DON'T KNOW WHY BECAUSE I'M USUALLY GREAT AT COLOR MATCHING FUCK THIS GUY

Yeah so I got him in Live Mode and there is just something about him that is pissing me right the fuck off and I don't know what it is. Is it the eyes? Are the eyes too big? Jaw too square? I DON'T KNOW WHAT IT IS AND IT'S PISSING ME OFF!!!!!!!!!! I really feel like the eyes are too big but I kept shrinking his eyes until he literally looked like this .👄. and it still didn't help.

I went in and out of CAS at least 7 times and I can't figure out what's off and I can't fix it and I HATE HIMMMMMMMMMM

"Who's made of pixels and sucks ass? This guy!"

"Don't you just love me?"

NO I WANT TO HIT YOU WITH A BUS

I know that making masc men is a challenge for me. This is not new information. It's been a problem for 20 years, it'll be a problem for 20 more. I know what I find attractive in a man, I just don't know what looks good on a Sim. Know what I mean? No? Stop being difficult, you know exactly what I mean.

I also tried using NC's new torso and oh boy that was an adventure because the torso is fire and his face is A FUCKING DISASTER. There is something about his head and his torso that are incongruous with each other and I don't. know. what. it. is. It's driving me crazy. No correction, it has DRIVEN me crazy, past tense. I am crazy now and this fucker is why!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

LOOK AT THIS PIECE OF SHIT WHY DOESN'T HIS HEAD FIT WHAT DID I DO WRONG

I even expanded my slider multiples so I could fine tune things thinking that would help but no I think it made everything worse ESPECIALLY MY MENTAL HEALTH

I hate him. I HAAAAAAAAATEEE HIIIIIIIIIM

So by now you're like "Laura there's nothing wrong with him, Laura you're taking this too seriously, Laura he's fine" and I know. I KNOW! I STILL HATE HIM

And you're god dang right I put that fucker on a pole. If I get community labeled because of this shit heap, I'm gonna lose my shitting mind.

Literally fuck you, I hate you so much. I didn't even give you a name. Do you know what your name is? "Stupid asshole who won't behave" that's what your name is.

I even threw Monica the Devil Girl in there hoping that would help. It didn't.

Know what the worst part is?

I enjoyed this. I mean yeah sure I hated the whole process and I hate the result and I hate this Sim and in a minute, I'm going to have an alien Sim land a meteor on top of his head, but there's something really cathartic about just unloading all of your vitriol on a Sim, you know? And it was definitely a challenge and definitely out of my comfort zone. I'll have to keep trying until I make a male Sim (other than Roman and Aiden) that I'm happy with.

This was a learning experience for sure.

Piece of shit.

[thefirstknife]

It's starting to feel like there's an implicit understanding in the community that complaining about the game is one of the main ways to engage with it, and maybe is something newer players pick up as part of the 'haha even diehard destiny players hate destiny' narrative. =\

Im happy to see the playerbase growing, but dang, I wish there'd be a bit less of 'if you love this thing you'll be passionate about criticizing it' among some of the big personalities

Yeah. Destiny always had that whole joke like "The one thing Destiny players hate the most is Destiny." I never understood it. When I mildly disliked Destiny, I stopped playing. Genuinely cannnot fathom playing a game religiously while hating it. Mindboggling. I'm also somewhat salty that a lot of people "criticising the story" and latching onto this whole vibe have never actually been fans of the story or have never really paid attention to it.

Like, it feels somewhat strange to me that suddenly every single content creator, including those that were openly NEVER into the lore and even content creators who literally only play pvp and those that openly play with voicelines and subtitles off, are suddenly great experts on how this story apparently sucks. And of course followed by a million of their fans who have until yesterday only ever cared about meta weapons for Trials, but have overnight become lore masters who understand that the story was "bad."

I know people who ARE into lore and who had issues. I also know that there's a lot of new players who were probably utterly confused, though that's to be expected when you tune into the 9th year of the franchise. I'm totally fine with that and respect people who have a different view of the campaign and how it felt to them. And of course if any new players are super confused and have no idea where to start learning more... I sympathise. Greatly. And I'm happy to help! Obviously a lot of what people are discussing right now is really complicated and draws from super specific lore that might not be easy for a new player to understand right away. It will take some time and that's okay!

But when I see the amount of people blasting the story, I'm left thinking... Really? There were so many lore enjoyers out there all this time? You're telling me that twitter user xxTrialsHunterMain69420xx understands the problems with the narrative and can talk with authority on obscure lore references and how Bungie fucked them up? This is absolutely news to me, as most players have been dissing the story for years and if they weren't dissing, they just weren't engaging with it at all.

Obviously every player has a right to say how they felt playing and how they vibed with the campaign and if they didn't vibe with it, that's fine. They didn't vibe with a lot of campaigns that I would die for, like for example Shadowkeep. But there's a distinct feeling like a lot of these people are just latching onto the hate train for no real justifiable reason of their own. Like, it's popular to shit on the campaign now and people will do it to fit in, even if they personally have never ever had any stakes in what Destiny's story is about.

They've been given not only permission, but encouragement to blast the campaign over something they barely understand and something that a lot of people reacted to out of their basic impulses. And I get it because my basic impulse was negative too. I feel like maybe a huge personality who influences the entire community shouldn't post the first thought that comes to their mind uncritically to social media. Or at least that they should feel like they can change their mind and correct that later. I feel like a lot of them would never do that now because it would mean alienating their audience. "Oh yeah I told you all that this sucks, but actually no it doesn't, just listen." Yeah, not going to happen. Not to mention that outrage brings clicks.

And of course, now the whole discourse has been completely ruined by the outrage so it's incredibly hard to find and filter who actually has decent feedback and who is just riding the hate train. Frustrating and draining.

[star2fishmeg]

FUCK!!! Your high&low writing is making me want more!!! please I beg of you will you make more but with some good good kinky shit in it because DAMN THIS IS HOT!!!

Stress Relief (m)

Pairing: Murayama Yoshiki x f!reader

Summary: sometimes being a leader gets stressful, and reader's always willing to help relieve that for him.

Warnings: 18+ smut, blowjobs, praise kink, pet names (princess, baby, pretty boy, pretty baby), swearing, mentioned voyeurism

Authors note: kinda short but I really hope I didn't disappoint😭 felt like it was time to release this after being so doubtful about it :) my horny arse is learning how to transfer thoughts into words okay. ALSO thinking of a Murayama tag list so let me know thoughts on that and if you wanna be added :D

Requested by: above! There was another but I lost it I'm so sorry!

_________________________________________

It was no secret that Oya High was a pain in the arse to cope with. Peace was never an option unless you searched thoroughly on the rooftops. These busy days were the days Murayama was disturbed the most, and there was nothing he hated more than being constantly disturbed while violently horny. It wasn't like he could just toss one off casually, no. He also couldn't rail his girlfriend in the base without an audience either. He tried that before. He had y/n bent over his sofa, jeans pooling at her ankles while he messily pounded his dick into her cunt, both parties repressing their moans for a private viewing. Another time he'd subbed out to feel her ride him before a SWORD fight, enjoying the fact that he was engulfed in her pulsing walls. But both times had an audience outside trying to listen to some free porn. So sitting, gritting his teeth and blatantly tuning out everything was his only option. Until Todoroki turned up, declaring yet another fight (in which he would lose...again...for the nth time).

By that point he stood up and left for the shitty door, groaning in frustration as it was far too late to deal with that kind of request.

"Running away? That's so unlike you, king." Todoroki sneered with a smirk.

Murayama scoffed, "No. I'm going to fuck my girlfriend into next week, something you obviously haven't experienced yet as you're still bothering me." He really didn't care about the reaction nor what people would say but he heard laughter erupt from behind him. He just wanted relief, and soon.

______

Storming through the door with a force which almost took the hinges off, Murayama threw his jacket and headband onto the sofa, throwing himself onto the cushions next to her too. Letting his head drop back momentarily, he took a deep exhale, eyeing the pretty face watching TV.

"Y/n." He rarely used the full name to address her, which is why when she heard the stern demeanour she immediately snapped her head towards him, eyebrows furrowed with worry. However, she had nothing to be anxious about. Instead, his rough hands harshly wrapped around the back of her neck, lips colliding with his and tongues asking little to no permission before finding each other. Moaning into the sudden action, y/n slid onto his lap, straddling him. His man-spreading was irritating but incredibly sexy at other times, especially donning a painful erection.

"Missed you," He mumbled into her mouth, "need you right now."

"Did my pretty baby have a rough day? Does he need attending?" Y/n always knew how to rile him up, in all ways but the grip he had on her hips and neck was bruising.

"Please, y/n, suck my cock." He whined, rutting his jeans into her - already - sopping pussy. Smirking, she dropped to the floor, ignoring the aching of her knees on the wood floor. He always looked slutty when he came back from Oya, sweating and frustrated from fighting. It meant he'd want nothing more than comfort and the company of his beloved girlfriend. And that thought alone was enough to excite her, let alone when he was stressed and needed a good blowjob.

Fumbling with his belt and unzipping his jeans, she palmed him through his boxers, only to hear him holding back his whimpers hissing through his teeth.

"I wanna hear you, baby. Let me hear how you feel." Groans rattled from his throat upon his cock springing free, small hands stroking and swearing pre-cum over his sensitive tip. The pad of her tongue running from the base up, over his veins before taking him into her mouth, swirling the warm muscle just the way he liked it. He was, to her, perfect. Perfect length and girth, enough to please her needy cunt. Murayama's hand crept to her hair, holding it away from her face in a ponytail while moans left his body as her head bobbed on his cock with a wet, sloppy rhythm.

"That's it princess, faster- fuck-" He threw his head back, jaw slacking as she sped up. He knew she knew what she was doing and that she was doing it perfectly, but the more arousal the better. He needed to come. He wanted to make you come. "Good girl, always know how to make me feel good, shit." Y/n hands remained on his thighs, thumbs stroking them to reassure that she was still okay despite his cock hitting the back of her throat with moans ripping through her body. Yoshiki bucked his hips in desperation to finish, feeling himself become dangerously close, rutting faster and more aggressively until he pulled her head away enough for her to swallow with ease.

"That's it, swallow. All of it." Watching his own fluid drip down her chin was lethal, feeling himself become turned on again by his own doing. Regardless, y/n took no hesitation in cleaning him up and finding every last drop.

"Mm, you taste so good. Does my pretty boy feel better?" The honey that laced in her tone as she wiped her chin, kitten licking the last remains of cum left him speechless.

"Hm I don't know, might need your pussy clenching around my throbbing cock to feel fully relieved."

"Fuck me dumb, pretty boy."

_________________________________________

The Murayama Hoes🤪 @straysugzhpe @airbendertendou @porkbumh

[sexisdisgusting]

ALSO SORRY FOR SO MANY ASKS DJHDFJHDJHD

but do you or any other radblr lesbian girlies have advice for dealing with a "conventionally attractive" body aka an oversexualized body? big ass, big tits, small waist. I hate how i was groomed into believing that coping with sex was okay. i hate how i tried "being more feminine". like i can never get that money back and i can never take back the times ive let those men use me. it sucks. what sucks even more was that ofc it was other women, the handmaidens, who were the main ones to perpetuate that agenda. Because if men were like "yeah its okay to wanna be raped again <3 and getting with men to play out past trauma" then everyone would know their intentions. but no, it was seeing all the women be like "omg this helped me a lot <333 !! and im so much more happy now!!". showing off their age regression stuff. god i hate it. Without those women, there wouldnt have been anything to begin with. I wish more women saw through that BS.

also, to cope with gender dysphoria (like actual gender dysphoria) all ive been doing is just objectifying myself. since my body is very "feminine". its the fucking Porn Artist stereotype. I hate it. I feel like a walking object. I feel like its why I wanted to be a boy, like i wish I had no tits and no ass. because then i wouldnt be sexualized. Buying clothes to "hide" my body doesnt help because then i feel bulky/stuffy and overwhelmed. I hate how i use my body for social validation since because my face is deformed, its all I basically have.

lol im kinda glad though that I struggle with this in a way.... because it made me detrans. Especially seeing as i didnt even feel accepted as trans since I was a transmed. And then seeing these "omg trans healthcare saves lives, tho!!" people go about supporting literal AGPs truly peaked me. When my one ex friend group all trooned out at once, all the men being AGP anime / porn obsessed freaks who previously made fun of my trauma and victim mentality (despite me literally being marginalized) .... now theyre all pretending to be oppressed despite being white men from upper middle class families. Like damn, I AM NOT being in that community then. If that gets accepted? Yet me and my gender dysphoria diagnosis at a young age wasnt? Then nah. Its all nonsense.

i wish lesbian spaces werent taken over bc all this shit be isolating. Like im so sick of sex and porn and all that, i want LOVE goddamnit. Love and friendship. I am so burnt out, dude.

HIIIII MY LOVE, thank you so much for your ask

ugh i can feel first hand how tired you are with this shit in your wording, and i can relate, its really fucking draining

reading about your journey was really interesting, thank you for sharing it with me, im so happy you feel im a safe space for you because thats what i aspire to be <3

ALSO u dont have to apologize for sending a lot of asks, i love it

i feel for you, mootina

its hard to truly love your body and accept it as yours especially when you see pornsick idiots fetishize it

i read recently about the concept of body neutrality, and its where instead of praising, or hating your body, you simply thank it for doing all it does for you, i think perhaps looking into that will help you feel more in tune with yourself, and your body

also, of course this goes without saying, but feminist literature can help you, and also researching the female anatomy

in my struggles with my body, learning more about the capabilities of it helped me a lot with how i felt regarding it, and made it easier to tune out the fuckery of whatever anyone else has to say about it

i love you so much, ill leave the floor open for anyone else who has advice for you

thank you again for entrusting me with this <3

[pinkandpurple360]

Man you know what would be a fun arc for Fizz as well involving Blitzo in the mix:

Now that Fizz isn't under Mammon's payroll and has basically all the free time he hasn't had for a long time (though I like the idea after this arc he still ends up doing what he did under Mam but on his own where he becomes just as successful if not more so because what better was of saying fuck you right?), he and Blitzo end up going back and looking to connect with their old circus pals/family. You know, going back to their roots (well Fizz roots anyways being I see Blitzo wanting to leave that life behind him but it'll still be a great time to rebuild their friendship) and what not. Though on the way they bump into Barbie, who of course still hates Blitzo and has become extremely distant due to her whole addiction and personal trauma in regard to Fizz not speaking to him for years. At first she wants nothing to do with them but maybe she's in some hot shit or something so ends up hanging with them anyways for whatever reason.

Basically some reconnecting with some old circus pals and Fizz ends up learning he does have a family and wants to seek them out and through this whole wild adventure and shenanigans: the three of them grow closer and patch up old wounds and such. Blitzo and Barbie work out what happened to them, Blitzo owns up about whatever shit he did to make her hate him and while Barbie tells him that she isn't completely ready to forgive him yet, the two agree to stay in touch and rebuild what they lost.

Fizz ends up finding his real birth parents but they suck ass but it did give him time to think over how all the years he was so desperate in finding a parental figure (regardless if it was Cash or Mammon) or family of his own that he didn't realize that he did already already have one within Blitzo and Barbie along with those in the circus who also cared and loved for him as family because sometimes the real family you have isn't of blood but the one you build on your own.

Amd fuck it, let's give Ozzie a small arc while Fizz is doing his thing where Ozzie wanted to join Fizz in this whole thing but 'this is something I need to do on my own' ordeal (that and Blitzo is with him so he'll be safe). Now all by himself he pushes himself to maybe do a little self discovery of his own where he goes to visit Bee (canon Bestie) and ya know, because I like adding depth to the Sins maybe there was a lot more going on between Oz and Mammon that left the two bitter despite working together on various projects. Maybe they were friends at one point, maybe more? Whatever you make of it those two work out their shit and while yeah, there's some bitterness still there, both at least end up on better terms with each other. Plus ya know there's a lot of possibilities of shenanigans that could come from the Sins hanging out but that would also mean Viv would have to be a good writer (really that could be said about this whole ask).

So yeah, both Fizz and Ozzie reunite, they talk about the things they went through and Fizz being a celebrity but still wanting to not feel as he abandons his roots wants to use that fame to help others like him and maybe shake up the system a little bit (I mean, Fizz and Ozzie being together along with Bee dating Tex was a bit of a shake up being how it was look down on (or should have been but ssssh)). Oz wholeheartedly supports his decision. Fizz finds his identity and where he wants to be in life without sacrificing who he is and Oz learns needs to have a life outside of Fizz and reconnect and rebuild those bonds he let slid himself.

And for the love of God let Fizz, Blitzo and Barbie be gremlins every time they're with each other I want chaos.

Yeah there's a huge need for more tuning this out and there's likely more I could do with Oz plus the whole balancing with the royal/present thing but I kind of wanted to focus mostly on Fizz plus it took me an hour to type this on my phone so I think it's best to wrap this up. Really this is just me rambling feel free to be as critical as you want with this or add your own to it.

-TA

I would watch the hell out of this it’s just fantastic. All I’d really want is to see him have a connection with one male or female character and for them to have missed him as much as Blitzø did but they had to leave him behind to become some big shot.

His bio parents being the worst would suck but who knows maybe answering the question of who they were is something he needs.

I miss the Fizz and the twins trio we’ve never had but really need.

[angelhummel]

okay so in honor of pride month, i have something i wanna get off my chest for real. sorry if this is super long

I have a tendency to go outside of tumblr spaces when looking at glee content — something i frequently regret. but in my time in those spaces, i often the most delusional take ever. it is basically, “kurt was always kinda pushy towards finn. so did he actually DESERVE to be called a slur??? 🤔🤔🤔 let’s discuss.” this shit boils my blood to no end and while it’s obvious why, i feel the incessant need to defend my boy kurt at all costs.

for one, he wasn’t any more pushy than any other character in the show. i mean for god’s sake, rachel quite literally THREW herself at finn as early as the first episode and i guess that’s fine??? what kurt did was virtually no different bc all the characters do weird, out of pocket shit throughout the show. it really only bothered finn bc kurt is a boy and finn is OVERLY bothered by the prospect of a boy having a crush on him. (more specifically that its kurt — he just simply dislikes kurt being attracted potentially straight guys. thats why he took so much issue to kurt singing with sam. it’s always been about his personal issues with kurt)

moving on to the actual scene in question, so much of what flop accused kurt of was grossly unfair to him. like he says something along the lines of “im scared to even take a shower when youre around,” implying that kurt is some ‘predatory gay’. which is ironic, bc we learn from kurt himself that he never showered after gym JUST to avoid be labelled as something like that. at no point did kurt’s advances move towards remotely ANYTHING sexual in nature, finn just instead assumed that of him

finally, i do believe that flop WANTED to call kurt a slur. he knew that kurt wouldnt call him out for it and you can tell from his tone that that had been building up inside of him for awhile. he wanted something that would push kurt away/scare him. he just went for the cruelest method possible in the moment.

so all this was to basically say that flop hudson sucks and that kurt did not deserve any of the shit that he endured. he was pretty much taught by his peers that it is inappropriate and unacceptable for him to have the same wants and desires that literally any teenager would have simply bc he was gay.

thank you for tuning into my rant. this has been stewing for awhile lmao

lmao yesterday i saw a gifset where cory as finn was doing some good fun acting and i stared at him for like a minute going "if i focus on the cory of it all, can i trick myself into liking finn even a little bit?"

the answer was already no, but if it hadn't been, this ask wouldve set me straight. thank you <3

i've definitely talked about that before tho bc omg. finn has the nerve to call anyone else pushy. i know its not like it'd happened in the show already but. this is the boy setting up a whole kissing booth to manipulate quinn into kissing him aksljfsdlk. or the way he got drunk at the wedding reception in s4 and was hounding rachel. that literally gives me the heebie jeebies lmao sorry to be dramatic about it but i hate it

and god yeah it just breaks my heart bc we know that kurt is always walking on eggshells around these people anyway. and literally 2x04 has become one of my least favorite episodes bc of how hard it is to watch as a kurt stan lmao. sorry it has like two iconic songs but finchel are so fucking manipulative and awful and i've had several rants about this episode before aljsfdlks but basically boils down to them literally making kurt feel like he's committing a crime by asking sam to sing a duet with him and isolating him to an unhealthy degree

and then wanna act all :O four eps later when kurt is like "im getting tf out of here to go to school with people who are nice to me" aslkfdslfjsd

anyway literally just search "2x04 anti finn" on my blog and you will find more posts than you would ever care to read lmao

[arcplaysgames]

So as far as beach episodes go: P4G > P3P > P5R

this one was a snoozefest, so let's touch on the important bits that stand out and then talk about Beige Boy and Solid Snake.

One, I have fully turned against Ryuji on the basis of his frequent and repeated disregard for Morgana as a part of the team and frankly as a full person. I am getting really teed the fuck off because for the last five hours or so of gametime, I have been watching Mona get more and more anxious about his place and about whether anyone on the team cares about him and his journey to the heart of Mementos

and at every fucking opportunity, Ryuji basically reinforces to Morgana yeah, you're not really one of the guys, you're not really part of the team, you're the mascot.

If I had agency in the world of this game, I would take Ryuji aside for a Fucking Discussion about this, because the fuse is lit and I am certain we are headed for a rift between Morgana and the team,a nd you know what? I'm on Morgana's side. He should be pissed, he should be hurt, because I'm hurt on his behalf just watching this unfold.

Fucking Ryuji, you are the bottom barrel of the Token Best Friends. Yosuke would never do me like this*. And if Junpei were here, he'd be Morgana's BFF, are you kidding.

(* in fact yosuke did the Literal Opposite and adopted the 'mascot character' lmao fuck you ryuji)

Yusuke is the fucking load-bearing column holding this game up, i swear to god. I have never understood the Moronsexual joke until right now. I imagine Reverie is like "I have to marry him, he'd be fucking hopeless without me???? it's just the right thing to DO"

Alas, Atlus hates me.

Futaba trying to grab the lobsters while Yusuke holds them out of her reach is the best rigging and animation this game has given us thus far.

Futaba picks her name, Oracle. And she is explicitly here to learn more about her mother's research, less to save people. Which is respectable and she's very up front about it.

THAT'S THE BEACH TRIP. like this one just was..... ugh. it had the weird queerphobic stuff again and it pulled the "the boys try to pull girls and fail" gag again but this time with ZERO charm at all. I remember that scene in P4G with Kanji, Yosuke, and Reverie was one of my favorites because it was genuinely really funny. This had nothing.

SIGH. WHATEVER. LET'S TALK ABOUT MORE INTERESTING STUFF.

blah blah blah evil evil evil blah blah blah

i have at this point accepted that Persona just sucks at foreshadowing the Big Bad of their games and P3 was a fluke. interested to see how P2 does when I eventually play it.

oh shit this game caught some of the Sony Hot Sad Dads disease, huh? Iwai has a dweeby looking son named Kaoru and he's ex-yakuza.

Do I like Iwai or do i just miss MGS2 Solid Snake? Who could say.

Also his shop theme tune fucks severely, it sounds like SMT4.

Anyway, after that we're having very domestic funtime at the cafe when

oh shit Beige Alert

Futaba immediately hides behind Reverie because she got Vibe Radar. Vibedar, if you will.

I feel like when Akechi enters your vicinity, your phone should get one of those emergency PSAs. Like when a tornado touches down in your county.

Okay so. /points. Eyes closed.

/points.

The fuck is happening here. Like, bruh, you showed up and immediately mentioned the lady who threatened Sojiro's custody of his daughter, and now you are looking like a wounded puppy because it turned the atmosphere frosty.

You did that, homeboy, that was you. I know you are astute enough to know that.

He sadly drinks his coffee and reveals his backstory: he was raised by a single mom who died soon after, then got stuck in the foster care system for a while.

THAT FAKEASS SMILE AGAIN. See, this is why I know he stirred up the hostile energy on his arrival on purpose, he is extremely good at tone and social cues, enough so that he can use or not use them to his advantage.

I would tell Reverie to install a deadbolt on his door but he doesn't have a door lmao this is going to be great

I keep saying this but: Bryan Fuller vibes. My god, Bryan Fuller vibes.

Futaba realizes she missed the fireworks festival so she runs out to get some small fireworks, and Morgana goes with her to make sure she's okay.

Morgana is the fucking best. He really gives a shit and puts himself out there for people and I just want him to be appreciated dammit!

This is Reverie's family now, yep. See that gurl? She is his sister. See that old man? That's his dad. Yep!

Also Sojiro doesn't even know Morgana is a person and treats him better than Ryuji.

yeah this is me going full kill bill sirens on Ryuji, sorry. i will slam dunk him into a fucking dumpster, i'm so angry with him for his MANY MANY fuck ups and, specifically, how he doesn't seem to learn or grow from any of them.

I think that's my beef with him. Like, P3P, Junpei did multiple big fuck ups, but he both apologized explicitly for them and also learned from them and became a better person for it. He was my ultimate ride or die. I romanced Akihiko but my true love was my broship with Junpei.

Yosuke also fucked up a lot and even went full Joker Mode once, but he also experienced one of the longest arcs of character growth in the game. I remember when I started to like him after being tepid on him for the first third of the game and how annoyed I was that he was growing as a person!!!! But he wound up being a fave.

I need Ryuji to get his shit together and start growing tf up bc I am real sick of his self-important bullshit and how he steps on Morgana's feelings. I am hoping whatever the upcoming blow-up with Morgana is leads him to wake tf up, but also I'm not holding my breath.

At least I have Ann and Yusuke.

[jakowskis]

Day 23 - Discuss Tosh. Opinions? Favorite moment? Least favorite moment? Any unpopular opinions? Any fun headcanons?

tosh my babygirl my princess light of my life angel darling… shes so good. shes so good 🥺 i love her dearly. she’s so damn underutilized i hate how the show regulates her to a supporting role + only uses her for romantic plots. WACK shes so much more than that. i want a plotline about her cyberterrorism like hello??? i want a plotline about her warped little mind.. i want a plotline about her finally learning spanish ;-; that show did not do her justice and it did not deserve her. i often say torchwood’s characters are too good for the show; tosh is probs the best example of that. no other character gets screwed over as badly as she does by the narrative (not even ianto!) she’s so tragic and lonely i just wanna give her the biggest hug ever. 

fav moment… every time she smiles. (or smirks. hrgh. tosh call me.) also every time she geeks out about smth. im tryna think of a specific moment but idk if i have one?? i just love her overall i smile every time she’s on screen she’s my girlie. when i rewatch i might rmr one though

least favorite moment, the absolute only thing i can think of (hell, my only complaint with her as a character other than i wish she’d get over owen cuz bad taste queen pls u deserve sm better) - it’s always bothered me how she goes over to owen’s flat in aditd and just starts babbling about her own problems. she even says something like “you think everything’s about you”, and in that ep it’s like ??? why are they all acting like he’s unjustified being miserable and angry when he's fucking dead?? like they're all so unsympathetic and mean, even tosh, and out of her it's especially weird?? tbh it just strikes me as ooc (+ kind of misogynistic highkey) writing. i mean, by all means, let tosh bitch, she deserves to blow off some steam + esp deserves to be rude to owen tbh fhsdkjfsd, but the way it’s done in that particular moment feels ooc and, like, how men write women as talking too much and never listening lmao u kno what i mean (owen’s tuned out in the actual episode but you can see her full ramble in the original script, on page 23). tosh has never troubled anyone with her issues before, why would she choose now to, and when she knows owen’s struggling? yeah, on second thought, i don’t hold that against her actually, that’s ooc to me fhdkf. thts just the writer being a wiener.

my only unpopular opinions (slash hot takes) are that 1) towen fucking SUCKS get her away from him, and 2) most people like tosh but she’s highkey underappreciated, esp in fanfic, because of fandom racism + misogyny. she’s not bashed like gwen is but she’s ignored completely which is nearly as bad, and a lot of it’s cuz she happens to be in a show with two white men in a gay relationship who are overwhelmingly prioritized 💀 i will never not be petty about the way that ship dwarfs everything else in comparison. also throwing towen into the background of janto is so gross n cheap. if ppl cared abt her they'd do smth more interesting. and it's never well-done either. ugh.

i have a few hcs that are gonna end up in my owento verse (gwen and tosh are prominent characters in it bc i love them, and their relationships w owen and ianto and each other also have value lawl). tbh a lot of em are just things i think they should introduce into their lives to be happier. i want them happy ;-;

she starts coding video games recreationally!! nothing fancy but she rlly enjoys it + also gets into the swing of making little storylines n getting to express herself that way which is good for her. owen playtests shit for her

her and gwen go on spa dates sometimes. they put it on the torchwood credit card

she gets into fish tanks and fish tank care!!! esp like aquarium plants. shrimp and moss balls, that sort of thing. maybe plecos or loaches. she loves it + it’s grounding, which is good for her bc shes otherwise always got her head in her computers yanno. she’ll sit by her tank while she codes her games and the water sounds are calming. 

she also sits by it while she studies her spanish books which she does finally do. she doesn’t get around to the piano, though; doesn’t prioritize buying a keyboard. maybe one day (this is a nobody dies au btw so she will in fact eventually get around to it ;-;)

oh she’s autistic have i said that. the fish tanks absolutely become a spin. she has a few we know of from canon - math and computers, obviously, but also history (gbg) and the uk’s rivers (from gooseberry; i think it was just the uk maybe it was europe’s rivers. or the world’s! i don’t remember). she also loves trivia like she knows a fair amount about quite a lot of things + loves accumulating random info

lowkey also. giving her a kitty. i think tosh should have a lil fuzzy kitty to keep her company 

well this is smth from my owandy verse but i think it should happen anyway. so it kind of kicks off bc gwen mixes up a blind date (it was gonna be tosh & andy and then owen & a friend of hers, but shes an adhd icon n bungles the invites <3)... tosh ends up with gwen’s friend, who’s straight, but they hit it off and she invites tosh to have drinks or maybe come to a bookclub meet or something with some friends of hers?? point is, tosh makes some casual friends. maybe meets a pretty girl there or smth 👁️ but mainly i want tosh to have girl friends like i think she grew up very lonely i want her to have some normalcy

also sometimes i like tosh x andy maybe they have a little meet cute at a torchwood crime scene or smth fshdkfd. i think they’d be cute and he’d treat her well. she'd babble abt tech stuff and he wouldnt understand a damn word but he'd listen very intently

i also like tosh x ianto for similar reasons. i think it’d be a kind of friends to lovers sitch... they should just be close in general tbh, platonically or not yanno, and in my owandy verse i like the idea of smth kicking off between them i just think theyd be so sweet

she’s a very sleepy drunk and also a lightweight. if the team goes out to drink she’ll get two glasses of smth moderately fruity and then fall asleep against someone’s shoulder it’s very cute (this is just cuz i like the idea of a sleepy tosh 🥺 my baby my baby shes so precious to meee)

[tafkamayle]

It sucks to hear you had to turn off comments on AO3. I love your writing and this latest spree of folk who just can’t comprehend “don’t like don’t read” are really ruining fandom.

This isn’t me asking you to keep posting on AO3 - I follow you here so I’ll stay tuned to where ever you plan to post next! Do what’s best for you!

Thank you very much for the support! ❤️ It’s really more a personal problem than just the antis, honestly. I can’t blame people too much, but I do wish they would learn to respect people’s boundaries. It’s just like a constant slog nowadays to get through interactions because so many people don’t seem to grasp that the person who writes their smut is in fact a person not just a printer that spits out content.

But I’m ngl, the antis have also heavily contributed to the problem as well. I have for a while now been extremely upset with how many antis are yelling about how my friends should die while also reading my stuff. They are suspiciously quiet about me (after many expressed love of my previous works) and I find that incredibly hypocritical and disgusting. I hate that they are very likely enjoying my work. They shouldn’t get to do that when they say such vile things.

So like with that (and them making the entire fandom a fucking minefield) and then pile on top the amount of blatantly disrespectful comments I’ve gotten and it’s started to feel like I’m not getting what I wanted from posting (on top of the fact getting upset causes me actual physical pain). I just wanted to share and have interactions with people like me. It was supposed to be fun.

Anyway, sorry to ramble in such a depressing way, but I want to be clear there was no targeted campaign against me! It’s just a culmination of too many problems and idk, it’s just the state of fandoms, I guess.

[star-trekkin-across-theuniverse]

Worthy, pt13

part 1 & 2, part 3, part 4, part 5, part 6, part 7, part 8, part 9, part 10, part 11, part 12

__________

tags: @bolontiku, @rampant-salamander, @darkdragonpheonix , @440mxs-wife,  @castiels-sunflowers, @peekingsunshine, @alexakeyloveloki, @feelmyroarrrr

word count: 3712

__________

There’s only been a few times in my life when I’ve been desperate to become invisible. In eighth grade, when Jimmy McFadden found out I had a crush on him, he responded “That nerd? She wishes,” in front of most of the school before commenting on my jiggly bum. That wasn’t the part that made me want to vanish. It was when he said it was a shame I was such a nerd because I had “such excellent knockers”. That’s when I prayed for a hole to appear in the floor and suck me away because honestly, hell would have been preferable. And my boobs weren’t and still aren’t, that great. In senior year, the self-same boy, who’d become even more impossibly handsome, asked me to prom, but quickly announced that he’d only done it because he needed help studying for his chem final and figured if he showed me a good time, we’d both get something out of it. I wasn’t sure about how his plan to deflower me worked out to mutual benefit. But once again, I wanted to disappear into the ground, never to be seen again.

Once I hit college, I was able to retreat from social circles that were petty and indifferent to the emotional games that teenagers played, and I hadn’t had any further incidents of mortification. Until now, on learning I could potentially manipulate the emotions of those people around me. I was ashamed and embarrassed. What if every emotionally charged encounter in my life had only occurred because I had willed it into existence? Every first date that had gone well, or every one that had gone poorly, might have done so because I wanted it. Every man I’d ever been with flashed through my mind. It was a short slideshow, but what if they’d only been with me because I made them think they wanted it?

“Oh god,” I flinched. What if Bruce had only kissed me because my stupid college crush had resurfaced and forced him to? “Oh god. I have to go.” I stood up.

“We aren’t done yet, sunshine,” Lex put a hand on my shoulder and pushed me back on the exam table.

“No, I have to go. I can’t be around people. I need to be locked away from everyone so my feelings don’t affect them.” I stood back up.

“And yet, regardless of your determination to go, you aren’t forcing me to let you go with your brain. So sit the fuck down, and let’s finish this assessment.” She raised an eyebrow, like she was daring me to try to mess with her head.

“Maybe you’re immune,” I argued, “because Loki has affected you too.”

“Affected is an interesting word. Tainted might be better.” She looked over her shoulder, “does anyone out there feel an overwhelming urge to suit up and help Ella escape?” A chorus of negative answers returned. “See? We’re solid. Settle your boots.”

I relaxed just slightly, somewhat in awe of Lex Richmond. She had a different kind of confidence than I did, one that was tough. Like she’d been run through a gauntlet to get where she was. My confidence came from being told every day of my life that I could do and be whatever I wanted. I got the impression that Lex had fought for each accomplishment in her world. I suspected some people probably found her brusque, but I found her honest approach refreshing and reassuring.

She steered me toward the super swanky MRI she and Tony had developed, and I found that I was right. She was reassuring because she was honest.

“I don’t know how you feel about small spaces, but I fucking hate them. Unfortunately, MRIs need to be smallish in order to get a good image. We enlarged the space as much as we could but it wound up being just a few centimetres. There’s some clicking that happens in there, and the machine whirs, but if you tell me what kind of music you like, I can jack some tunes to you.” She made the explanation seem like a social chat. It relaxed me quite a bit.

She hadn’t told me about the super secret light show she and Tony had wired into the MRI, so while I listened to music, I got to watch a colour organ project colours across the inside of the machine. If anything, it was hard to remember not to bop my head to the music. The time past faster than I thought it should have. She led me back to the med lab and walked me over to a treadmill.

“So now we’re going to check your endurance. When this happened,” she gestured at her arm, “I was suddenly enhanced. I could run faster for longer with little effect on my general energy store. Since you’ve always been this way, I’m curious to see how you do.”

I snorted. “I can’t run for shit, Lex.”

“Show me,” she nodded at the treadmill. I hopped on and let her get me started. And of course, she started me way too fast. I slowed the machine down and kept it to a brisk walk. She raised an eyebrow but at my returned glare, said nothing. I kind of wished it was one of those swanky treadmills with the TV attached because I hated being social when I was sweating, but staring at the wall was also really boring. The stupid thing could have at least faced the window so I could look out over the city. After ten minutes I was feeling kind of done, and said so. Lex laughed and shook her head.

“This is an endurance test. And you’re walking, not running. So you can either choose to run, which will burn you out faster, or keep walking all night,” she laughed. I gaped. “I know. Bitchiest doctor that ever lived in bitchy doctor land, right?”

“Something like that,” I huffed, but I increased the speed on the treadmill. Not quite to a run, as I wasn’t sure my heart would take the shock. I had done next to nothing other than sit in a lab during my Master’s studies.

“What’s your sport?” She asked.

“I don’t have one.” It wasn’t actually true. I’d been on a rep soccer team during high school and my undergrad was on a soccer scholarship.

“I don’t buy it,” she disagreed.

“She had a full ride for soccer in college,” Tony offered from across the room. I scowled in his direction.

“This should come back then,” Lex laughed, and bumped the speed up so I was jogging. I grunted and lurched forward into a run. The thing about soccer was it was short bursts of really intense exertion. I was not a distance runner. I could do bursts of speed, but I had put on weight during the last few years, and I was out of shape, so I doubted those bursts of speed would really be considered speedy. I settled into a slow jog and focused on a spot on the wall, and let the soundtrack that was constantly running in my head take over, tuning everything around me out. I wasn’t paying any attention to Lex when she pressed the stop button, and I stumbled a little on the slow down, but didn’t quite lose my balance.

“I thought you said this was endurance?” I asked. Lex nodded at the clock on the treadmill with an eyebrow quirked. It said sixty minutes.

“How long was I running?” I asked, double-checking the clock. Yeah, it said sixty minutes.

“Fifty minutes. At 5 miles per hour. So I’d say you’ve got some endurance left. You should consider taking running up,” she suggested.

“You say that to everyone,” Tony snorted. “Lex is desperate for running buddies. I think she might be bored of Steve.” Lex smacked Tony in the arm, laughing.

“That’s not true!” She protested. “About Steve, anyhow. I do like having new running partners though.”

“I’m not going to start running. I like sitting. And feeling my ass get bigger.” I stepped off the treadmill and sat down on the nearest chair to illustrate my point. “Only thing missing right now is some ice cream.” Lex shook her head and handed me a bottle of water.

“Use your imagination,” she teased. I stuck out my tongue and reached for the towel on the crossbar of the treadmill to wipe myself off.

XXX

I’d managed to escape for a shower while Lex crunched the data on my assessment. I wrapped myself in one of the super plush awesome towels I’d purchased and padded across my room to get dressed when a voice interrupted me.

“Ms. Carmichael, Dr. Richmond would like to see you in the med lab.” The crisp British accent startled me. I shrieked and jumped into my closet. “Your heart rate has just accelerate, Ms. Carmichael. Should I assume you haven’t read your suite orientation manual?”

“I skimmed it!” I argued.

“In that case, I am J.A.R.V.I.S., the artificial intelligence Mr. Stark has programmed, primarily for his benefit. I am, however, in use throughout the tower, and can see to any needs you may have as they arise. Which includes forwarding messages like the one I just passed on.”

“Right. Uh, thanks?”

“That is not necessary, but you are welcome, Ms. Carmichael.”

“Okay.” I stepped out of the closet. “You can’t see me, can you?”

“No, visual monitoring would be a violation of your right to privacy in your own home,” it (he?) responded.

“But you can monitor my vital signs?”

“For your safety only, Ms. Carmichael.” I couldn’t help but look at the ceiling when it spoke. I dropped my towel and dressed hastily, not quite believing that there was no video link, but deciding if there was video, it was because everyone at Stark Industries was destined to see me naked, or in some state of undress. I hurried out of my suite and back to the med lab.

“Did you know there’s an AI in the ceiling? Creepy as hell.” I asked Lex as I walked through the door. I didn’t realize Tony and the gang were still hanging around, until I heard Tony stifle a laugh. I shot him a dirty look and turned back to Lex. “So?”

“You have some clear differences from Loki, which makes sense, as you aren’t a clone. And you and I have some pretty clear differences as well. I’m significantly stronger than you. But your intelligence is off the charts,” Lex offered.

“We didn’t do any intelligence testing.” I was confused.

“Tony might have hacked some networks to get some extra information. Did you know that you qualified for Mensa when you were, like, six?”

“Yes.”

“Did you know they rescinded your qualification when you were nineteen because they decided you must have cheated?” She pressed.

“No. But it doesn’t surprise me. I rewrote every exam in first year for the same reason until the college decided that I had to write all my exams in a private room.”

“That didn’t bother you?” She asked.

“After high school? No. The academic advisory panel approached it like they were looking out for both our interests, and I agreed. It ensured there was no dishonesty on either side,” I shrugged. “It meant I didn’t have to keep worrying about rewriting exams.”

“That’s a remarkably calm response,” she raised an eyebrow, as though she didn’t believe I could be zen about anything.

“Just because Loki has self-control issues doesn’t mean I do. My mother is the calmest, coolest person I’ve ever met. I do have half her DNA, you know.” I couldn’t help but laugh. Lex broke into a wide grin.

“You know, that’s so true. I can’t help but focus on the Loki in you, but your mum must be pretty remarkable to have attracted his attention. You’ll have to fill me in on the story,” Lex leaned back against a counter and scribbled some notes on her tablet, “but another time.”

“Sure. In the meantime, can I go? I have a ton of work to catch up on.” I had found all the testing pretty invasive, and really wanted some time in the lab, alone with my thoughts, to build stuff. Lex didn’t say no, so I took the opportunity to leave, heading down to the Starbucks in the lobby for an enormous cup of coffee before heading to the lab.

XXX

I was alone in the lab. It was beautiful. I had half expected some of the night-labbers to be hanging around, but it was eerily quiet. I accessed the online radio and set up some music to break up the silence as I worked on the water reclamation miniaturization. My parents had always teased me about being born in the wrong decade, and I was completely thrilled to find a Big Band music station. The speaker on my desk was set at the perfect level to not interfere with my work; not so loud that it irritated me, and not so quiet that it was distracting. I tapped my foot and pulled my magnification glasses back down. Tony had dropped a set of customized tools off for me before I’d headed home and I was astonished and pleased with how well they fit my hands.

I must have lost track of the time as I worked, but I realized I was sitting in silence again. The playlist on the radio station had been about three hours. I flicked through the screen and found another similar playlist and hit play. The familiar strains of one of my favourite torch songs filled my space and without realizing it, I started singing along. Singing was my guilty pleasure. It released stress, and made me happy. In light of the discovery earlier in the day, it was probably a good idea I keep singing. It would at least have the side effect of making the people around me happy.

“Is there anything you can’t do?” A voice pulled me out of the tiny space my vision had tunneled down on. It took a minute before my eyes acclimated to the dark lab space after staring down on my backlit workbench. I pushed the magnification glasses up to the top of my head.

“Bruce,” I breathed. “Uh, hi.”

“Tony said he could hear you singing and that he couldn’t help but smile. I could use some happy,” he apologized.

“How did he –“ I paused, “Nevermind. J.A.R.V.I.S, can you block the audio feed from this lab?”

“Certainly, Ms. Carmichael,” it responded. “And activate override block protocols,” Bruce added. I quirked an eyebrow at him. “So Tony can’t just override your request unless he comes down and does it from here.” He explained.

“Of course, Dr. Banner.” The AI sounded almost sentient; the tone it spoke in was so familiar and friendly. I began to clear away my mess and realized my project drawers were cluttered and messy, and half the reason I’d wanted to work was to tidy them. I emptied the debris out of the reclamation apparatus drawer onto the top of my desk and stowed it. As Bruce watched in what appeared to be horrified awe, I cleared out my drawers and began organizing parts and components in the small storage containers that Markus had left on my desk before the weekend in a subtle suggestion that I needed to better organize myself.

“How do you get anything done?” He asked.

“A clean desk is a sign of a diseased mind,” I retorted, flicking various screws into containers according to size. Bruce leaned back against the desk beside me, his arms crossed over his chest. I felt like I was being graded, or somehow measured. “You can’t fail me in this lab, Doctor.” I winked. He chuckled. It was a low rumble, warm and friendly.

“To be honest, Tony is more disorganized than you are. You might win the intelligence leg of this triathlon though.” He pushed off the edge of the desk and stepped over to look at my various piles of supplies. “You have plans for all this?”

“Hell no, I always over-order and then just return stuff to distribution. Saves me having to reorder during a project,” I laughed.

“And one of the stores trolls hasn’t come to kill you in your sleep? They have to recount every single one of those million teeny screws when you return them, you know.”

“I’m sure they have a sorter or a counter or something. I’m not going to mess around with having to worry about lot numbers and compliance and quality control issues by having to reorder,” I shook my head and shrugged.

“I think Tony might be the only one who gets away with that,” Bruce warned me.

“Well, no one has come to stab me in the eye yet.” I snapped the lid on a container and pulled out the deep drawer at the bottom of my desk. Bruce let out a low whistle. “That’s impressive, Ella.”

He squatted down beside the drawer and lifted a few containers out of the drawer. My real dirty secret, despite how slobby Markus though I was, was that I wasn’t slobby at all. My materials were all managed and labeled when they were not in use. My desk was only a mess when I was mid-project.

“There’s a lot of spare parts here,” Bruce commented.

“I keep enough to rebuild every component I’ve actively worked on in a six month period. Don’t tell anyone. I like to cultivate the messy genius mystique.” I took the containers back and carefully placed them in their original spots. I wasn’t sure if Bruce had noticed that they were in part number order, and I wasn’t sure I wanted him to know. I dropped a piece of paper on the stacks to separate them from what I was going to add, so I didn’t have to figure out where to start the next time I was in the lab.

“Can I buy you dinner?” Bruce suddenly asked. I lost my grip on the drawer and slammed it shut by accident, startling both of us.

“Sorry!” I exclaimed. Bruce cringed.

“I’m sorry. Of course you wouldn’t. I’m probably close to twenty years older than you.” He pushed his hand through his hair and began to back away. I grabbed his arm to stop him.

“You might be ten years older than me. Maybe?” I reassured him. “I’m starving. So I hope you meant right now.”

“Reassure me I’m not robbing the cradle first.” He looked so uncomfortable that I couldn’t help but smile.

“My thirtieth birthday is in three weeks.”

“Oh. You’re much older than you look,” he blurted. “I’m sorry. I mean, you look quite youthful.”

“I’m half Jotun teenager, it’s okay to say I look young.” I realized my hand was still on his arm. “In fact, I’ll even be flattered when you tell me I look young when we’re old and grey.” What was wrong with me? Why would I say something so bold and outrageous to him before we’d even made it through one date? I wanted to fade into a corner, and melt into a pool, and ooze down an air vent to get away.

“Maybe we should get through dinner first.” His smile was awkward, but not unfriendly. I laughed uncomfortably. In the weird silence that followed my stomach growled loudly. We both laughed and the strange moment was over. “Before your stomach unleashes the Other Guy, even.”

“Sounds like a plan,” I agreed and we headed to the elevator.

Bruce led me out into the warm night, and stopped and looked in both directions, deep in thought. “Three blocks that way is some of the best Thai you’ll ever eat. Six blocks the other way is a great burger place.” My eyes fell on the hot dog cart across the street.

“I’ve never had street meat in New York City,” I tugged him toward the sidewalk. He looked at me, his brow wrinkled in surprise.

“This isn’t really a first date, Ella,” Bruce protested.

“I’d argue our first date was when you kissed me,” I winked, and slipped my hand in his and pulled him across the street. I stopped in front of the street vendor and flashed my best smile. The guy grinned back.

“What’ll it be for you, prinzessa?” He was every hot dog cart street vendor trope I’d ever seen in a TV show. I brought my hands to my face to mask my excitement.

“Just a hot dog and a diet Coke, I guess,” I ordered and tilted my head at Bruce. “He’s buying.” I told the guy all the stuff I wanted on it, and greedily took it from him. Before Bruce could even pay for it, I’d taken a huge bite. So good.

“You’re going to pay for this later,” Bruce shook his head and took a bite from his hot dog. I shook my head and sat on the nearest bench.

“No. So good, so worth it.” I looked up at the tower and shook my head. The hot dog, the dream job, the high school crush buying me dinner. Some weird balance in the universe was trying to make up for my dubious parentage, at any rate. There was something so ordinary and nice about sitting there with Bruce, eating hot dogs and saying nothing. Like I wasn’t the daughter of a god, and he wasn’t the incredible Hulk. Like we were completely normal, albeit genius level intelligence, people. I sighed and took a sip from my drink. Bruce’s arm snaked around my shoulder and he leaned over and kissed my forehead. I slid my bum closer on the bench and leaned against him.

“You sure this isn’t a first date?” His voice broke the quiet peace between us.

“Why?” I laughed.

“Because it’s the kind of first date we’ll talk about when we’re old and grey.” His voice rumbled in his chest. I looked up at him, a little bit surprised. He’d seemed so cautious while we were still in the tower. He dipped his head and his lips met mine.

[dankusner]

Squatters

https://x.com/DrPhil/status/1780752184268693584

There are 525,600 minutes in a year. I learned that from watching Rent.

From watching Rent, I also learned that the best way to mark the passing of these 525,600 minutes would be to measure them out into something Jonathan Larson, the writer of the musical, called seasons of love.

What does that even mean, seasons of love?

In Rent, the characters live out their seasons of love in huge lofts.

Some of them have AIDS, which is coincidentally also the name of a dreaded global pandemic that is still raging and has killed millions of people worldwide.

In Rent, however, AIDS seems to be a disease that renders one cuter and cuter.

The characters are artists, creative types.

They have tatterdemalion clothes.

Some of them are homosexual, and the ones who aren't homosexual don't even seem to mind.

They screen their calls.

And when it is their parents, they roll their eyes.

They hate their parents.

They're never going back to Larchmont, no way.

They will stay here living in their 2,000 square feet of picturesque poverty being sexually free and creative.

Here's some ways to broadcast creativity in a movie.

Start plinking out a tune on a piano.

Scratch a few notes on some music paper.

Plink some more.

Suddenly crash both hand down on the keyboard, then bring them quickly up to your head and grab the hair on your temples screaming, it won't work!

Or sit at a typewriter, reading the page you've just written, realize that it's shit and tear it from the platen, and toss it behind you.

Cut to waste paper basket overflowing with crumpled paper.

Here's what they do in Rent to show that they are creative.

Nothing-- they do nothing.

They hang out.

And hanging out can be marvelous.

But hanging out does not make you an artist.

A secondhand wardrobe does not make you an artist.

Neither do a hair-trigger temper, melancholic nature, propensity for tears, hating your parents, nor even HIV-- I hate to say it-- none of these can make you an artist.

They can help.

But just as being gay does not make one witty-- you can suck a mile of cock.

It does not make you Oscar Wilde.

Believe me.

I know.

I have tried.

The only thing that makes you an artist is making art.

And that takes the opposite of hanging out.

So when they sing the anthem of the show-- that's a lie, really.

Every song in the show is an anthem delivered with adolescent earnestness.

It's like being trapped in the pages of a teenager's diary.

So when they sing the title anthem of the show, "We're not gonna pay this year's rent" followed by kind of barked cheer of "rent, rent, rent, rent, rent, rent, rent," my only question is, well, why aren't you going to pay this year's rent?

It seems that they're not going to pay this year's rent because rent is for losers and uncreative types.

Rent is for suits.

By contrast, they have the last bastion of artistic purity.

They have not sold out, and yet their brilliance goes unacknowledged, so fuck you, yuppie scum!

I know what it's like to feel angry and ignored.

I lived in Brooklyn a long time ago about a block away from a prison.

During the day, the neighborhood bustled with lawyers, judges, criminals, bail bondsman, private detectives.

I lived on a block in a little two-story building that had once been a coach house in the 19th century.

And the basement had a red dirt floor.

On the ground floor below me was an office that did what exactly, resumes?

I can't remember.

What I do remember is the man whose office it was.

Raul was knee-buckingly handsome.

If my life had been different like, I don't know, if I were like a hot girl with a driver's license, I could have put on a tube top and gone outside to wash my car in slow motion or something, but alas.

Once during the day-- it must have been the weekend because I was at home-- I could hear Raul having sex in the office downstairs.

I skittered around my apartment like a cockroach on a frying pan, trying not to make any noise while desperately looking for a knot hole in the crappy floorboards.

Eventually, I just laid down flat against the tile of the kitchen floor, listening.

Lying flat against the tile on my kitchen floor listening to someone else have sex is essentially in my 20s in a nutshell.

I was robbed in that neighborhood twice.

And there were days when it hardly seemed worth it to live in a horrible part of town just so that I could go daily to a stupid, soul-crushing, low-paying job.

Especially since as deeply as I yearned to be creative, for years and years I was too scared to even try, so I did nothing.

But here's something that I did do -- I paid my fucking rent.

[nono-bunny]

Thoughts from watching the ATLA live action!

Episode 5:

An very fun fight scene to start the episode!

Genuinely love them confirming the fact that Katara is such an excellent bender because she's resourceful and takes inspiration from the other bendings, and it's such an early case of this train of thought too!! I love it! Her and Iroh would get along great, I really want to see a scene with the two of them just hanging out now haha

Lmao Sokka flirting with a Fire Nation soldier is genuinely so in character, my dude is just looking for a date everywhere he goes

Katara is pretty great in this episode so far! She seems much more open and communicative, it feels a bit like she's growing comfortable with Aang which is great to see.

My name is Sokka, rhymes with Okka! Oh? Pippinpaddleopsicopolis coming from Sokka this time? Oh wait is she the third, after Bonzu and June? Anyway, this is a very sweet scene

Are they... Perhaps going to do a parallel big brothers thing here with Shi-Yong and Sokka? That'd be fun!!

Angry, mean Zuko is fun too. Azula... Makes me sad.

Huh... Interesting- Sokka AND Katara get to be in the spirit world here?

Seedy Tavern... IS THIS THE JUNE EPISODE??? Maybe not, but oh my god this is so funny, just... Mentioning the exploits of the animated Gaang that are implied to happen off screen here hahaha. A bit heartbroken about no "I'll save you from the pirates" and mentioning them brought up that pain, but following it up immediately with The Great "worst episode in the series" Divide is fucking fantastic.

June baited me!!! Her and Nyla were outside the pub!! Oml that entire scene was fucking hilarious

Genuinely, why is Wan Shi Tong here, it's so fucking weird. A lot of the changes I can understand, but this dude's whole thing is that he and his library are interconnected- why is he just... Here, outside of it? Fuck, I actually hate this whole thing. I really liked how OG Sokka was kinda spiritually tuned against his will, here his reluctance is just a joke to uplift Katara- it feels bad, and them being unable to understand Wan Shi Tong fucking sucks. Literally why are they even here, genuinely I hate this change a lot. Literally the water siblings' only contribution to the scene is "hehe we can't understand what the magic spirit animal is saying" and it feels insulting, and cheapens everything they adapted here. Also, they literally couldn't even have him say "until we meet again"?? Are we just. Not gonna see him next season and/or ever learn his name? I hate that he appeared here, it was meaningless and didn't fit with ANY of the established lore. It literally was just a character cameo, it fucking sucked balls.

In other news, unhinged Azula!!! I love my girl. Every scene she's in is good and perfect and I love that she's in this season so much!!

I think I can pretty safely say at this point that they're finally getting into the groove of writing Iroh- he's much, MUCH better here!

I like the theme of both Sokka and Katara being in denial about something, and I think that's a fantastic plot thread to have here. That said, I still think having Wan Shi Tong introduce it was a wild choice that contributed nothing- he's literally just there for people who saw the original and would recognize him, and honestly? That makes it worse because you know it doesn't make sense that he's here. That role should've been filled by either another spirit, or someone new entirely. The whole scene with him was just SO bad, but I'm glad they seem to be recovering here.

Pretty funny to see Aang and Katara realize they can't bend only for Sokka to essentially be like "welcome to my world" and be the only useful one by paying attention because he isn't distracted by how weird everything is.

Sokka and foxes. It's a thing. Actually, I'm really happy that they're making sure that Sokka is vital here given that it's originally an episode that revolves around his journey in the spirit world- which it doesn't show too much, because ultimately the focus there is on Aang and the role and powers of the Avatar, so I'm happy to see a focus on Sokka here!

Dangerous fog gives me some P4 vibes ngl, my stress immediately shot up purely through association.

In general the vibes of this episode kinda feel like it can serve as a sort of precursor to The Swamp, which I desperately hope they don't cut because I feel like it could work really well with them having experienced something similar before already!!

Oh no. It's Katara backstory time, isn't it? Oh no. Fuck, literally making Katara relive this is brutal- having older Katara experience most of it somehow hurts more than if she just saw her younger self. Fuck, Katara bending to try and save Kya and having it directly lead to her death is devastating.

Koh?? Ah fuck, this whole thing is emotionally ruining me rn. Btw, Katara's face should 100% be gone, idk why they're once again breaking established rules here just to feature spirit world characters, but I hate it.

So... I hate this Hakoda? He sucks? Why would they make him suck so hard? This is a bad change. Hakoda was ALREADY a bit controversial, they didn't need to make him an asshole. Idk if these are like... Real things that happened or what Sokka is projecting went on behind the scenes, but I hope beyond hope Hakoda isn't actually like this.

Cool, Sokka's face is gone too! What the fuck are they even doing in this episode, I hate it so much, they're legit just alternating between good and bad scenes, it's wild!!

It feels really weird that Aang is automatically emotionless here when meeting with Koh. I don't like it, it feels off, like he was warned- but he wasn't, he has no way to know he should be emotionless, and it isn't exactly his neutral state, so... What the fuck. This episode is a mess. Showing the monkey face has no effect when we didn't see the faceless monkey, Koh has no reason to interfere here... It's all literally just so shoved in and feels so unnatural!!

I... Also can't believe it's really Gyatso, in fact, I don't think he is, and if he is, it feels like the wrong time and wrong way to make me believe it is him.

Still cried, and even though it makes no sense and he's done very little to prove it ig I am meant to belive this is Gyatso, so I'm just. Ignoring how poorly written that whole setup was and focusing on the meat of it- it was heartbreaking, and something I'm very glad Aang got to hear. Even though it wasn't executed super well, I am glad we got to see Gyatso again.

This episode REALLY struggles with it's plot and premise, but it hits all of the characters moments extremely well, and that kinda sucks- it could have been great if they just took out the pointless spirit cameos. Idk why Wan Shi Tong was here, and there's literally no reason to bump Koh up to here instead of later in the season- in fact, it weakens his connection to the plot and completely uproots Hei-Bai's because the focus on him is all but gone. It matters that Aang meets Koh while his physical body is in the Northern Water Tribe, where Kuruk- who faced him and lost- was from. Here his powers barely matter, he appears to just... Eat people? It's weak and doesn't work, and the impact is genuinely so much weaker than the original. I don't get the choice they made here at all, he doesn't even connect to Katara and Sokka in any meaningful way, and I wish the writers felt comfortable enough to just create a new spirit with powers that actually fit rather than just coopt and ruin Koh. Honestly? They could've just made Hei-Bai do it semi-accidentally out of grief and it would've worked better than inserting a being with known powers into a situation that necessitates changing them dramatically to tell the story they want. Koh and Wan Shi Tong should not be in this episode- the only theme connecting them is the spirit world, and by that logic you could put Zuko's banishment and the students' dance party in the same episode because they're both about kids from the Fire Nation. It sucks. As much as episode 3 didn't work, I at least got the idea they were going for- it only didn't work because it was a bad setting for it and because they cut integral character moments, not because it was doomed conceptually, y'know?

So Gyatso is obviously lying to Aang about being able to talk more later... Why? Why the fuck is he doing that? Is he trying to teach Aang a lesson about timing or something? It's weird and I don't get it.

I'm... Confused. Is Aang going to be captured trying to save his friends by going to the Fire Nation?? Are Sokka and Katara just gonna be completely absent next episode given that it's the Blue Spirit one and it'd be overly depressing to just cut to them in captivity on Koh's cave? I don't get it. Aang was literally already in the spirit world, so I don't really get why they wouldn't just have Fang ferry him to the temple and have him meet Roku as a Spirit. Is his physical presence there really so important? It feels weird. Literally how does he think he's going to get there solely on his glider??? Some wild decisions here in this episode, for real.

This episode had probably straight up just the worst adaptation of stuff from the original, while simultaneously having the best original stuff. It's... Disappointing to see that tends to generally be the vibe of this adaptation- they try too hard to bring over beloved stuff from the original, and it's to the detriment of this reimagining that has proven to be capable of some really great stuff. Koh and Wan Shi Tong had no place here, ans Sai and Jet both lost the appeal of their episodes for the sake of just... Having them both appear. For contrast- Bumi was wildly different, they took a pretty big swing with him that evidently not everyone was gonna like- and I thought it was a brilliant alternative depiction of a guy who lived for way too long meeting an important friend from his childhood that never had to face the same difficulties he had, and how they still reconcile at the end even if he's much more bitter about it here. And Bumi STILL struggled from sticking too close to the original- his original jokes don't work in live action, but they were still there, unfortunately lol. Anyway my point is that like? Genuinely this show is doing a good job, and it had a really tough fucking challenge, and I think by trying too hard to appeal to old fans rather than committing to telling the same overall story through a different lens using different methods... It really shot itself in the foot, because purists were never gonna be happy even if they stuck to a 1 to 1 adaptation, let alone when they change stuff- they should've just fucking went wild and created an alternate universe fix it fic that reimagines all the characters AND only uses stuff that works from the original. Here they're clearly forcing some stuff because fans love them, and it shows, because things stop making sense. I know I'm probably contradicting myself a bit: I've always liked Hakoda, so seeing him be a jerk here sucks- and yet, it's an alternative take on his character, what he could've been, and in fact, what some fans see him as! And yet, I still don't like this change. Everyone is gonna have opinions on every change, and I feel like they knew that going in and tried to do their best to mitigate that by including a lot of fan favorite stuff- even when it doesn't work- because isn't it fun to see your favorite thing come to life? You have people saying "At least we got ___" right alongside those that say "Wish we still had ___". This show had an insane amount of pressure on it right from the start, and the fact that it was coming from so many sides surely didn't help mitigate that, but. As much as I'm not pleased with what they did to some of my favorite stuff, it has also proven to me that this version of the story is worthwhile, and it's impossible not to see the care and thought put into it! It'd be a lot easier if I could just hate it or love it, but. Honestly it's so interesting in that each episode features choices that elicit both emotions from me. As much as I truly don't get the thought process behind the early inclusion of Koh and Wan Shi Tong, or why they dropped Sokka from Jet and Aang from The Northern Air Temple... They still did interesting things in these episodes! They have a lot of misses, but they also have a lot of hits, and at the end of the day... I'm genuinely enjoying watching this show! I think that for the most part it could stand on its own really well, and a lot of my gripes with it are stuff that would almost certainly not be an issue for people who haven't watched the original- and that's important too! Even if it disappoints veteran fans, it's important that things don't feel out of place for new ones, and honestly I can't imagine many things here that do! Frankly, it's actually mostly the occasional carry over joke from the original (The dramatic Cabbage Merchant moment is probably a wild thing for people not in the know, for example lmao)

Anyway this episode was. A real mixed bag, and I felt equally as strongly about the things I liked and the things I didn't. It's definitely more disappointing for it, I think- the fact that I really liked some of it while I really didn't like others- but. Overall I think it was probably a good one, and honestly I mostly just wish it was allowed to be more original- which is a great thing, actually! They're doing such a good job with the original/changed aspects of the show that I wish there was more of it, and trust that it could have worked better rather than the existing lore remixed to fit the occasion! Honestly I hope they get some breathing room from the announcement of two more seasons, and that they feel more comfortable with making this their own alternate version of the story rather than an adaptation. Don't get me wrong, they should still follow the general throughlines, but... If this episode has proven anything, it's that they shouldn't force themselves to remix and adapt parts of the original story that they don't think fit in theirs just to check a box.

[yikimiki]

What about stepbros Zeke & Eren tag teaming their little princess🤭

stepbro!eren x fem!reader x stepbro!zeke | warnings: smut, stepcest, all characters are adults, threesome, oral (m and f receiving), unprotected sex, spanking, breast play, praise kink, size kink, creampie(s)

♡ ♡ ♡

You knew it would come to this — it always does. It’s rare that both your brothers are home at once, always busy with either college or work, and, even more so, that they’re in good terms. You have no idea what kind of love/hate relationship goes down in the Jaeger family, but you are beyond used to seeing Eren and Zeke with a frown on their faces when the other walks in, therefore the vision of them talking in friendly terms always catches you off guard.

The text from your mom comes just as you’re walking home — dad and I are out on a date! Zeke and Eren are home and you can all order something to eat — and the late warning has you rolling your eyes. You like your makeshift brothers most of the time (you swear you do) but you seriously need a relaxing night and, by experience, being home alone with the two of them is always anything but.

It all starts when you throw yourself on your bed, groaning loudly at the tension on your shoulders as Zeke walks into your room, hands in his pockets and a curious look on his face. “Tired?” He asks.

“Exhausted. My back is killing me,” you answer, pressing two fingers against your temple. “Mom said we can order something tonight. They’re out on a date.”

Zeke takes a step toward the bed, eyeing you up and down. “We can do that, Eren says he wants pizza.” You nod at his words, expecting him to take a jab at his younger brother’s wishes. It doesn’t come, though, Zeke just sits behind you in bed, two large hands coming up to press against your tense shoulders. When he speaks up again, his voice is husky and low against your ear. “And we can make you feel better if you want, princess.”

Once again, you knew it would come to this. What can you say? You’re weak, and you’ve gone through every excuse in the book in order to convince yourself that what you’re doing with your two stepbrothers isn’t that weird. You’re not biologically related and, frankly, you haven’t even heard of the two of them a little over a year ago. You’re all consenting adults and... they just feel... so good. And they take care of you so well.

It’s an unspoken truth between you three that the two of them work like beasts when they’re in the same tune. Zeke has barely started massaging your shoulders when Eren walks into your room, then is just a matter of minutes and a few shared looks until he is pushing you against Zeke’s chest and spreading your legs so he can take off your pants and lick your pussy clean. The hands that were caressing you are now strongly keeping your body in place, Zeke kissing up your neck as his younger brother makes you whimper and moan.

“Shhh, relax, princess,” he says, big hands slowly sliding up your torso, squeezing your breasts. The motion of Eren’s tongue against your clit is making your vision blurry, wave of pleasure growing faster by the second. “Let your big brothers take care of you. You’ve had such a long day, hm?”

“Y-Yes,” you agree breathlessly. The buttons of your shirt come undone one by one until the white cotton is thrown on the floor. You’re almost cumming as Eren groans against your slit, moving up to kiss your hips, your belly, until his mouth is settling on your nipple. Zeke pushes the two mounds together, bruising the skin as the younger sucks on it. “P-Please let me cum.”

It’s Eren who answers, his nose bumping against yours as he raises his stare to look at you. “You’re gonna cum, princess,” he assures, voice low. His lips are swollen and wet, brushing against yours as he speaks. His next question is not directed to you, but his stare doesn’t falter. “How do you want her?”

Zeke hums, nonchalantly placing two long fingers over your slit. You shiver as he starts rubbing your clit slowly, barely enough to give you any pleasure. “She’s so wet,” he muses, thinking for a second. His other hand moves upward, holding your jaw as his thumb presses against your lips. Eren moves back to watch it too, how you are eager to suck it into your mouth, warm tongue swirling around it. Zeke sighs. “But this mouth is so fucking perfect too. She always sucks my cock so well.”

“So, what is it?” Eren presses on. “I’m being nice enough for letting you choose this time, so hurry up.”

Zeke scoffs. You almost choke on your own spit when he switches his thumb with his middle and ring finger, thrusting them in and out of your mouth. “It’s my turn to choose, you did it last time,” he remembers. Eren rolls his eyes. “I want my cock in her mouth.”

Eren smirks, happy with that decision. His gaze returns to you, to your perfectly overwhelmed face. “Gonna let me fuck your tight little cunt, baby?” He asks. You nod instantly. “Good girl. Hands and knees for me.”

With a bit of maneuvering, everything falls into place. You turn around, facing Zeke, and pull his pants down as you hear Eren’s zipper opening behind you, your bare heat exposed and glistening. Zeke grunts when his cock springs free from his pants, one hand automatically landing on the back of your head as you lean closer to it, warm tongue licking up his length. “Perfect little thing,” he praises, meeting your doe eyes as you wrap your lips around his tip. Behind you, Eren sends a surprise smack against your ass, making you whimper around the other’s cock. “Fuck, that’s a good girl, wanna see you choking on it.”

“She’s so fucking horny,” Eren breathes out, heavy cock resting against your ass. You wiggle your body towards him, hearing him snicker behind you, fisting his girth. “Look at this, our little sister is soaked for us.”

“Yeah?” Zeke asks, barely holding back a moan when you suck him. “Make her feel good or I will.”

“Don’t even think about it,” he warns. You moan loudly when Eren’s crown slips between your folds, pushing past the tight ring of muscle and setting into your pussy. He curses about how wet and small you feel, how his thick cock throbs when he bottoms out. You are sobbing around Zeke by the time that Eren starts with a rough, steady pace, throwing your body forward so the other’s cock is pushed deep inside your throat. “Fuck, this pussy’s so good, can’t wait to fill it up.”

“Gonna let your brother fuck you full of his cum, princess?” Zeke asks, pulling on your hair. You moan around his cock, hoping he realizes you’re agreeing with it. “Yeah? Gonna be a good girl and let us use your tight little cunt however we want?” Once again, you moan. Eren slaps your ass again, moaning something about how tightly you’re clenching around him, trying to milk his cum. “Fuck, you know I have to feel that pussy around my cock later. Wanna cum inside too, fill our sister up.”

“Feels so fucking good,” Eren says, sounding completely dazed behind you. His cock is so big that your legs are starting to give in, whimpers and sobs pushing past your chest as you sink your mouth deep around Zeke’s member. You just feel so full, so cherished, that you can’t even remember why you felt so tired in the first place. “She’s so fucking tight, I don’t even know how she can take my cock so deep.”

Zeke breathes out, shivering when you gag around him. “You’re made for it, aren’t you, baby?” You whine out, barely hearing as Eren reaches his high, emptying his balls inside you and fucking himself through his orgasm. You only notice once his cum starts leaking out of you, and Zeke notices it too. “Fuck, that’s our good girl,” he praises, but his touch is harsh as he yanks your head up, teary eyes looking up at him. “I need your pussy now.”

Eren groans behind you, pounding into you a few more times until his sensitive cock can’t take it anymore. Your pretty hole flutters when he moves away, a blob of white cum leaking out. “Gonna get both?” Eren asks, pulling his cock out of you. “Only if I can fuck her throat too.”

“Learn how to share,” Zeke answers. You’re shivering by now, orgasm torn from you twice in a row. Your big brother sighs, caressing your cheek as Eren pushes his cum back inside your pussy, moaning something about how you’re still so tight. “Look what you’ve done to her, Eren, she hasn’t cum.”

Eren clicks his tongue. “Not my fault. Finish her off, then.”

With a bit of teamwork, both of them do. In a matter of seconds, you’re on your back and Zeke is pounding like a madman inside you, stretching you out as Eren’s cum drips down his cock, your thighs, making a mess on the bed. Eren decides to position himself next to you, eager hands exploring your body, teasing your clit as his mouth sucks onto the skin of your neck. When you’re about to cum, Eren pulls your face towards him, making out with you as you reach your high; playing with and sucking on your tongue as your brother spills himself inside your abused pussy.

When Zeke pulls out, you feel the mixture of their cums leaking out of you, and you can’t even process the bickering that follows — Eren wanting you to suck his cock now, Zeke saying you’re too tired — because you just feel so good. Peace never lasts between those two, but, when it does, it brings along amazing gifts.

[harveywritings92]

BNHA Vampire soulmate au: they feed off you for the first time.

They explain to you how blood tastes to them and enjoy a meal... 

Tw: Blood drinking, heavy petting

---------------------------------

Hawks: It's been a year you and Keigo seem to be together, you've been talking about moving in together anywho, You got a paper cut and Keigo who was crashing at your placed smelled it from your living room, he nearly gave you a heart attack when you turned around to see him standing behind you, his gold eyes had red tinge as he eyed your finger like a like man who hasn't eaten in a week. "Ey, there I thought you've already had enough to drink today?" you were referring to the black and red sports bottle he'd brought with him. "I did, It's just- You have no Idea how hard I've been holding back, your blood it does something to me..." Keigo husked eyes locked on the crimson nectar dripping down your hand he was salivating and swallowed hard. "My blood...does it smell good?" you asked timidly.

The blond snapped out of his trance. "Petal, you smell like ripe strawberries and chocolate to me..." Keigo has already told you how smoker's blood smells and taste to him, well you now you were curious about non-smokers, and asked if blood type also has an effect on the blood's flavor? the winged vamp was happy to answer! 

Smokers: Charcoal/moldy bread.

Drunks: depends on how drunk they are, it's somewhere between hard soda and hard wine or liquor.

Drug users: no idea, he says they smell like rotten eggs, and he's seen how loopy other vamps act after feeding on them and stays clear of them.

Sick/injured: He stays away from sick people but they smell like a cross between a hospital or a funeral home.

Virgins: sweet/tart like fruit-punch.

regular folks: like Sangria the fruitiness is still there but it's mixed with bitter wine . 

"Blood types don't really change up the flavors, but I've noticed type As have a spice to them, Bs start off sour, and type Os are pretty mellow." You hummed very intrigued at what you were hearing then, noticed Keigo was still eyeing your finger, like a starved animal, you looked down at the cut then back Keigo and noticed his wings were tense and he was clenching his jaw, after some thought you sighed you held your hand out to him. "Go head before your jaw breaks" His wings bristled. "I'm not some desperate leech y'know." he huffed you shrugged and went to went to put a band-aid on, but Keigo stopped you.

"Let's not be hasty here..."  He stammered out at you cocked a brow at him. "Yer really giving me mixed signals here." you huffed did he want your blood or not? " Um... Are you sure about this?" he said blush adoring his cheeks. "I'm just letting you suck my finger...Why are you acting like I just asked you to pop my cherry?" Keigo's face was as red as a cherry as you said this. "Because you essenually are..." He explained the big difference between mates and prey, on instinct he wouldn't give a crap about some rando he picked up off the street or whatever mystery pack the commission gives him, but you... 

You're his soulmate, his fated one... and right now your pretty much telling him to make you his! He's not gonna stop at your finger, once he's had a taste he's going for your neck! And once he bites you that's it, you have his mark forever, You paused absorbing what the blond male just told you...Well, he hardly leaves you alone already might as well go all in? "Do it." Hawks's eyes were red now. "Come" he hissed sitting across from you and gesturing to sit in his lap.

You complied and watched Keigo warily as he brought your finger to his mouth, immediately you felt a shock go through you the second Keigo's tongue started lapping at the cut, he moaned tasting your blood for the first time. He was right you tasted every bit as sweet as he thought you would...*more...more...* his monster groaned euphorically he felt the cut on your finger close from his saliva's healing properties.

Keigo's eyes drifted towards your neck, You gasp feeling his grip on your hand tighten before his free hand found it's way behind your head, you tensed seeing Keigo's fangs elongate but before he could pierce your neck he smelled your distress.

His rough hold on you suddenly slacked and his hands lowered to your hips his thumbs gently rubbed you sides as he left little kisses and nip along your jaw before you calmed down enough to trust Hawks wasn't gonna tear your throat out. "Just relax." he cooed kissing you neck a couple more times like a countdown. one...two... three! 

You tried not to scream as you felt his fangs pierce your neck, your fingers gripped his jacket as you felt yourself be drained... then like a switch had been slowly tuned the pain tuned into pleasure? moans started sneaking their out from your mouth which confused you, the blond vampire groaned in ecstasy at how rich your blood tasted with lust mixed in he buck his hips against you, after what seemed like hours Keigo's fangs finally retracted from your flesh and lap at the two holes he left on your neck, they sealed as you whimpered weakly Keigo just shushed and you. "It's alright kid, you did good" he cooed kissing your head as you started drifting out of consciousness.   

When you woke up your head was pounding like a bad hangover Keigo was cradling you in his lap looking relieved and sheepish, he explained he went a little overboard with his drinking and venom dosing and you got drunk on him and passed out! you must've looked panicked cos Keigo assured you were completely fine, the venom isn't lethal... (To you anyways, one of the benefits of being a vampire's soulmate.) Though you might be a bit feverish and cranky for the next couple days.  

----------------------------------------------------

Dabi: You were on your period so yes Dabi's self restraint was breaking! you had no fucking idea what you blood was doing to him you smelled like a 5 star meal and all he could do was sit and drown in his own drool and watch you, like a hawk as you moaned and groaned about  cramps and ruining your pajama shorts when you woke up this morning! a low growl escaped the faux raven haired vamp when he saw you toss out a bag with said aforementioned shorts, it took every nerve in him not to run after the garbage truck like a starved dog! before something you said snapped him out of his trance. "hn...What ya say?" he looked at you drinking his third pack of cow's blood.

"I asked if my blood smells good and what does it taste like?"

"I wouldn't know haven't tasted yours yet..."

"Well, what about anyone else's?" 

"Why are you suddenly interested?"

You huffed "Sorry for wanting to know you..." and were about to tell him to forget it, when the the undead cremator spoke up. "Mocha mixed wit' something spicy like cinnamon or rum" he muttered not looking at you. Of course you cocked a brow now intrigued, now that that was out of the bag he might as well tell ya the rest. 

Smokers: burnt rubber/earwax (eh, everyone was a kid once, had to know what that gunky crap in your ear tasted like.)

Drunks: Depends on how much they've drank, it could between hard water to straight up red wine.

Drug users: the one time he fed on one he thought they were just a pothead, but in turned out they had ate a few shrooms which made them kinda taste like... orange juice and black liquorice?... Honestly he can't give a straight answer, as he was too busy trippin out on another plain of existence to remember.  

Sick/injured: doesn't feed off the sick, but they smell like a hospital or a morgue.

Virgins: like apples and honey

Regular folks: they taste like Apple cider. 

Animal blood: kinda tastes like artificial cherry cough syrup, and he hates it!

"Then why do you drink it?" you gulped seeing his cerulean eyes flash red for a brief second as he locked eyes with you. "Why?...*growl* your standing in front of me smelling like a walking buffet and you have to gall ask me why I drinking this crap?!" he snapped crushing the blood pack in his hand as you started backing away, you were nervous that only fueled Dabi's sadistic side you learned early that he enjoyed agitating you via flashing his fangs, popping behind you out of seemingly nowhere, and faking you out.

I.E. making it seem like he was gonna bite you then blow air in your ears before walking away laughing at your reaction, something about putting you on edge and having your adrenaline pumping through your veins adds more "spice" to your scent, it happens so often that Dabi started noticing arousal was mixing in with your fear, you bet your ass he started mocking you for getting off on him scaring you. 

Of course right now you weren't sure if he was seriously mad, or making fun of you again? He was not making fun of you again he was seriously pissed off, The nerve of you walking around asking him about useless crap, and offering him nothing in return! Dabi had you backed against a wall face buried in your shoulder you felt him sniffing you and flinched you felt him nipping along your neck, and like all the other times he's riled you he smelled that that little speck of arousal through the fear. 

He let out a low chuckle causing you to to become fed up, you though he was screwing with you again! "Goddamm-.hm!" You were cut off by sharp yelp as Dabi's fang suddenly pierced your neck! oh god it hurt! you whimpered tried shoving Dabi off! he groaned pushing your back against the wall, suddenly your body felt weird... you moaned it was hot and and everything felt sensitive...

You barely registered Dabi lifting your legs up you instinctively wrapped them around his hips, he let out a low purr and his demeanor became less angry and forceful, his shoulders relaxed as his hands gently rubbed your legs, after what seemed like hours Dabi finally pulled away from your neck lapping at the pin holes he left on, he checked on you only to find you passed out his eye had a rare tenderness to them as he eyed your flushed appearance. "Well aren't you high maintenance." he cooed his thumb caressing you chin before taking you to bed.   

----------------------------------------------------

Bakugou: He didn't want say what you smelled like to him as it made him look soft, he finally cracks after more poking a prodding. "If I fucking do will you shut up and let me sleep?!" he hissed it was 8: 47 p.m. and he was tired which confused you, the sun was still out and you could hear kids playing in the streets outside. You heard a angry growl Katsuki's ears were pink. "S'mores...you smell like S'mores, happy?" he groaned when you started shaking him, no point in trying to sleep now that he's lit the fuse! He gave you the sum up of what blood tastes like to him.

Smokers: old news paper and figs.

Drug users: No clue stays clear of them, they smell like pickled eggs.

Drunks: Somewhere between hard water and flavored vodka.

Virgins: Why would you want to kno-... arhg! Coffee and vanilla!

Regular folks: Irish coffee and bitter mint.

Then you you started asking about blood types and what it was when he drank, Next thing you knew Katsuki let out this frustrated bellow! You yelped as he grabbed your wrists and pinned you under him. "You wanna know what it feels like?" you sheepishly mumbled a meek "yes" but the blonds red eyes narrowed. "Hah? say that again I couldn't hear ya?" he jeered trying to get you to use your voice, you repeated "Yes" again a bit more forceful as the ash blond unbuttoned the shirt he let you borrow exposing your neck to him. 

Katsuki frowned he could smell your reluctance, then grumbled in annoyance as he recalled Shitty-hair's advice ""Take it slow, be gentle..."" He took a deep breath and carefully buried his face in you neck, You flinched expecting him to clamp down, giving how much you annoyed him, but to your surprise; Katsuki instead opted to started leaving kisses along your jaw and collar bone.

You bit back a moan when he found you sweet spot and causing Katsuki to smirk if wasn't so hungry and tired right now, he might've taken this much farther, but the mouthwatering scent of your blood calling him was too much to pass up. "I'm gonna do it" he husked as you nodded and with that, Katsuki's fangs pierced your neck.

You gasped in pain felling them puncture your skin as Katsuki grasped your hand, the blond groaned in euphoria your blood tasted every bit as rich and sweet as he thought it would, he could smell your discomforted and on instinct inject a doses of his venom into your bloodstream in minutes your blood's flavor intensified with added lust, your tiny moans and whimpers were music to his hears, soon his instincts were warning him stop.

Katsuki's fangs retracted he lapped at the punctures he left on your neck, before pulling away to look at you and snorted you were a flushed out mess. "That sate your curiosity?" he huffed fixing your shirt you tried to say something but were too exhausted to say anything tangible, the ash blond chuckled and settled down next to you for the night.   

-------------------------------------------------------

[oopsimbug]

in which... y/n is just trying to put on eyeliner and harry is bored pt. two

a/n: when she’s back from a six month hiatus after making only ONE fic. wow, do i suck. for anyone who cares, school has been pretty rough. i’m actually procrastinating studying for an exam to finally upload this. it’s been pretty hard to balance both school and writing but oh well. anywho, here it finally is. it took so long to write because i wasn’t feeling very inspired by this. a lot of people asked for a part two and even though i kinda wanted to leave it on a sad note, i am a sucker for giving the people what they want, so sorry if this is a bit shit- i definitely don’t like this one myself. i guess i’m not one for fluffy endings. well, at least for this one i wasn’t. i really hope you enjoy it! more stuff to come, if school doesn’t mind fucking off for a little while (or maybe just forever?) xox -(a) bug

pairing: best friend! harry styles x reader

summary: Harry is worried about Y/n. Y/n is worried about Harry. Harry is solving it by thinking of ways to check on her, while Y/n uses cheesy pasta and the Fresh Prince of Bel Air as an excuse to not think. But what will happen when someone is at her door, and it’s not her delivery man?

warnings: angst, swearing, y/n and harry being idiotos, fluffy end, kissing

word count: 5.3k

It had been a week.

One gruelling, painfully long week.

Harry was biting his nails, staring up at the ceiling as he laid in his bed, worrying about her.

About how he fucked up.

He didn’t think that she would be upset for this long. He thought she would scream at him and then text him the following day, wanting to hang out- a silent “I forgive you”, he supposed.

But after two days of radio silence on her end, he decided to call her. The only problem was that her last words to him were “leave”. She wanted space. She needed to think things through- what things? Harry had no clue. But he had to respect her and her choice to not want him around. So with that, he put down the phone.

But a small part of him (okay fine, a big part of him), wanted her to just show up at his house so they could cuddle again, talking about the stupidest of things while they made cupcakes in his kitchen. They would be listening to groovy music and now and then, they’d stop mixing bowls and sifting flour to dance- well, they were horrible dancers, so more so just wave their hands, hips and shoulders around. It would be fun and would always end up with them laughing at one another. He would lick the batter and she would berate him, telling him that “one of these days, you are going to get salmonella and I’ll just laugh at your stupid ass” and he would retort with something witty and a bit flirty like “don’t worry darling, we both know you would be right at my side if I got sick. I know you can’t stand being apart from me” with a wink and a cheeky smirk. He just wants to see her in her oversized Space Jam hoodie and little basketball shorts. Or her short flower shirt and his sweatpants that she has to cuff at the bottoms because they’re too long. Or even-

He’s gotta stop thinking about her, or his brain will soon explode. But he just can’t stop. He tries to think of the happier moments, like her showing him a tour of her very healthy houseplants that she prides herself in, but every time he closes his eyes, all he can see is her teary face telling him to leave. So no, if he was given the choice to think of her flailing her arms around in his kitchen to dancehall tunes while making sweet treats or crying at something that he provoked, you bet your ass he’d choose the former.

But after the seventh day, he knew that something wasn’t right. This was too much “thinking time”. For all he knew, she could be fine, but she could also be positively bawling. She could be living for this free time, but she also could be waiting for him to make the first move. She could be wanting Harry out of her life for her benefit forever, but she also could be feeling lonely and counting the seconds for their makeup, just like he was.

That was it. He had to go see her and make sure his best friend was okay.

He practised what he was going to say to her in his car on the way to her apartment. “Y/n, I’m so sorry for how I acted. I didn’t stop to think about how you were feeling and didn’t take your emotions into account which was unbelievably wrong of me. I’m truly sorry. It’s just that I really care about you and you’re my best friend and I can’t see you choose a tinder fuck over me and if I saw him in the street I would knock his lights out and I just want to kiss you, can I kiss you, oh god please let me kiss you I just want to-“

Fuck, what was wrong with him? Why was he so upset? He had been on plenty of dates with other celebrities and models and she was always on the sidelines, cheering him on. So why was he getting so touchy-feely about a single tinder date? Maybe he was just in desperate need of attention. He hadn’t had a girlfriend for almost one year and casual fuck arounds also stopped about four months ago, so maybe he just needed to fuck someone quick. That would explain why he sees his best friend’s kindness and natural flirty nature as something more romantic. Every laugh at his jokes, every look in her eyes, every graze of her hand on his thighs as she leans over him to get her drink on the side table next to him, he becomes more switched on and awake. She leaves him feeling giddy and excited at every conversation. “This can’t just be because I’m horny right?” he cannot believe he would ever be that horny. What the hell was he going to do?

*

This is pathetic she thought.

I’m pathetic.

She let out a huge sigh before shoving another forkful of cheesy pasta into her mouth.

What am I doing?

The answer?

Eating carbs upon carbs upon carbs, lounging on her comfy sofa in the most comfortable, yet daggiest pair of pyjamas ever while watching reruns of The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air for the fiftieth time, actively avoiding all commitments, housework and jobs that involve moving further than to the kitchen, which even then was an embarrassingly burdening trek on its own.

But she let it slide. How could she not? She was upset and this was how she coped. That’s what she kept reminding herself as she boiled more and more pasta watching the days pass her by without realisation, but now, she’s beginning to question if this was the best idea. Pushing all thoughts of him out of her mind by not looking at her phone just in case he called or texted. But she was beginning to struggle.

It wasn’t his fault. He didn’t know what inner turmoil she was facing. He seemed genuinely hurt when she snapped at him. He truly didn’t understand why she took so much offence to the playground ribbing, it seemed. And she had to go be a dick and ignore him. He was probably worried sick. How many times would he have called to check up on her? 10? 15? The more she thought about it, the more she wanted this stupid feud to be over and just be in his arms again, even if it’s just as a friend. So she caved. Turned on her phone, expecting there to be at least a call or a text asking if she was still alive or not. And although she did receive a message of that likeness, it wasn’t from Harry, no. It was from her daily water tracking app, pleading her to fill in her daily intake of water so as to not die of dehydration after she was suspected to have not drunk any for the entire week when in reality, she was just too in her head to open her stupid phone and log her water.

Wow, she thought.

Now not only has Harry chosen to not speak to you, but you also look like a huge idiot right now. Of course, he wouldn’t want to talk to you! You got pissed at him for absolutely no reason and now he hates you. He’s gonna ask for his cardigan and track pants that he keeps at your house in case he wanted to sleepover. He’s going to take back all of his little knick-knacks that he leaves over, like the cute diffuser that he leaves because he knows you need it for your constant hay-fever that blocks your nose and then he’s going to declare that you aren’t friends anymore and then you will never get the chance to tell him how you feel and then-

Her panicky brooding is interrupted by a knock on the door.

“Who the hell could that be?”, she thinks. It was too late for it to be the postman with her package containing her entire Amazon wish list that she bought on the third day of mourning to make herself feel better. But it couldn’t be Mrs Xiao asking her if she had any holes in her shirts that needed stitching. The sweet old lady fell asleep at 8:37 pm sharp after her medicine that she’d take at 8:30 pm would kick in (which she learnt after spending nights over at her apartment where her niece, Mei, took care of her. Y/n would learn traditional recipes like baozi and watch movies with her two friends all the time). It couldn’t be Mei either, she was always in online uni lectures from 8:30-10:30 pm, locked away in her little study, so as to not bother or be bothered. So now, a little panicked, Y/n wondered who was truly at her door?

Another two knocks come, echoing off the walls of her little apartment as she turns down the volume of the program she was watching. She stares at the door from her couch, debating whether she should risk getting stabbed by a possible murderer or not, before ultimately deciding that life was too short. She was also getting sick and tired of the knocks that kept arriving in threes. She swings her legs off the couch and onto the floor, pushing them into her slippers so that her feet wouldn’t touch the cold floor, waddling her way to the door before shyly opening it, peeking at who it could be through the tiny crack in the opening, hoping whoever it was wouldn’t mind her current state: belly filled with pasta, hair knotty, giant shirt with sweatpants on and Harry’s patchwork cardigan hanging off her shoulders- which she had been wearing all day, cherishing the pretty piece of clothing and his scent imbedded in it, taking it all in just in case he asks for it back. She peeps at the torso of this mystery person, realising that Harry owns the jumper worn by them, before looking up and locking eyes with a worn out and tired eyed Harry, one hand in the pocket of the familiar hoodie and another extended out near the door, ready to knock again before freezing when it opens up all the way to show herself to her best friend. He doesn’t eye her up and down cheekily like he normally does when she is wearing pyjamas, wolf-whistling at her relaxed state, claiming that “You look runway-ready, my love! Do a twirl for the crowd, will you?”. Instead, he stares her right in the eyes with what looks like almost relief, before smiling a weak and broken smile.

One of them needed to break the silence or both would have just stared at each other in her doorway until the world exploded. So she starts.

“Hi.” her voice hovers a tinge above a whisper, almost as though if she dared to speak louder, this probable illusion of the one she loves would fade away. He lights up a little bit, probably relieved that she started the conversation.

“Hey,” his soft voice matched her volume and tone as if he too didn’t want this to be a dream. “May I come in?” The words sound awkward to her coming out of his mouth. Harry never had to ask for permission to be invited in- he usually just strolled in without so much as a holler to indicate he was present, finding amusement in scaring her instead while she was doing whatever she was doing, whether that be reading, watching a movie, cooking or napping. They were the best of friends and never had to inquire about entry to each other’s domains, along with other small things like if they had anything in their kitchens to eat or if they could sit somewhere, so hearing it was a little disheartening and provoked Y/n to think about how serious this situation was.

“Okay”, she replied after the pause of contemplation, opening the door fully so that the lanky boy could follow along behind her, like a little puppy. She didn’t like how awkward the situation was. She just wanted things to go back to what they were.

But then you wouldn’t be able to tell him you love him... her inner voice argued. And she agreed. She knew that yes, this will be awkward, but it’s an opportunity for him to listen to her and know that she isn’t joking.

“Would you like some tea?” She enquires. They’ll need to handle this like proper grown-ups (which in all honesty, isn’t their dynamic- it’s more like first-year uni students who are mature enough to have deep conversations but still laugh at dad jokes and anything remotely serious, like a painting with boobs), and from what she knows, or has seen in movies when the characters are being serious, is that you need tea or a drink of that sort and a sit down on the couch where you talk stuff out. So that’s exactly what she does.

“Yes please,” Harry’s soft voice replies as he toes off his boots that most definitely cost more than her apartment. Y/n nods and heads to the small kitchenette and flips the switch on the electric kettle before going into her cupboard that housed the mugs. Harry stood awkwardly near the sofas, and to save him the embarrassment of waiting while standing, Y/n invites him to sit with a small, “You can take a seat,” and a quick glance at him before returning her gaze to the mugs to make herself look busy. She didn’t want to look him in the eyes for more than three seconds in fear of bursting into tears and the worn out and tired sight of him. She shakes the thought out of her head and begins to prepare the mugs.

Y/n put two teabags in her mug while putting one in Harry’s. She was raised in a household of avid tea drinkers and she inherited her strong tea quirk from her father who would always keep two teabags with only a dash of milk, and the only difference between her tea and her fathers was that Y/n wasn’t strong enough to take her tea without sugar, unlike her father, who thought that drinking unbelievably concentrated leaf juice with milk was a fun and relaxing time. On the other hand, Harry liked to keep one tea bag in his mug while he drank it, but just like her father, he too took little to no sugar with his cup, being the health freak he was. And early in their friendship, when she mentioned it to him, Harry chuckled and chirped, “Your father is a smart man. He has to be for raising amazing and talented people like your siblings. I’m not sure what went wrong with you though...” while booping her nose as they laid together under a tree for a little picnic. And though she rolled her eyes at him and punched his shoulder for the sly dig at her, she was practically beaming at the fact that he thought her family was smart. Harry had no idea how much that meant to her. Y/n loved her entire family, and she was unbelievably close to them, so it made her entire week to know that Harry, someone she respected and loved so much, recognised how talented and smart each of her family members were. Don’t get her wrong, she didn’t need the validation to know that her family was amazing, but she felt so special knowing he took the time to notice. He did that a lot though. Doing things that meant a lot to her without batting an eye. Saying things that only a person as observant as he could notice, like complimenting her eye colour in the light and asking her to read for him because he constantly mentions how much he loves her voice.

Y/n looked over to the same sweet guy she fell head over heels for, who was sitting on her couch, fidgety as ever, and wondered if they would ever be the same after the very next moments to come. She didn’t want things to change between them, but she was dying inside knowing that he wasn’t hers. And getting over him was not in the question, after the fiasco that happened last week. She just wished she could get inside his head to sate her painful curiosity.

What is he thinking about?

**

What is she thinking about?

It’s the million-dollar question running through his mind. What was she pondering over as she made them tea? Did she want to talk to him? Was she mad that it took him so long to find the balls to face her? Was she as nervous as he was? Was she worried that they would never be the same again like he was?

He was going into panic mode, questioning everything, while probably looking stupid as ever. As much as he regretted how awkward things were now, and the fact that he instigated her to lash out at him a week ago, he was realising that he was not regretting the fact that he did it. He didn’t want her to go out with someone else, and she didn’t. And yes, of course, he feels bad-beyond bad, in fact- for making her cry, and wishes he could take it all back, he also sees this as an opportunity to tell her how he feels about her. He could finally tell her that he thinks about her all the time. About her soft smile, her bright eyes, her melodic laugh, her speaking voice that brings butterflies to his stomach. He could tell her about how he loses himself at work, the grocery store, fuck- even at events- thinking about what she was doing at her house. Was she under her blankets on her couch, watching some corny tv show? Was she baking her signature choc chip cookies that taste like the gods blessed every single biscuit on the tray before they were put in the oven? Was she knitting her cat, Chesnut, another rug to plonk herself down on, with her feet up on the ottoman as she listened to the 7 o’clock news on the radio? Was she writing a paper for another deadline? Something so sophisticated, like the exploration of white and male privilege and how it is ingrained in our society? Something that Harry tried to understand and research so that he could stay in the loop with his smart girl’s interests, but he always struggled with.

It was a huge insecurity of his. Not that his best friend was smarter than he was, no way. He treasured the fact that she could and would whip his ass at a debate on things like the state of the world, or human rights. She could school him on global politics, languages, maths, science, history and literally anything else, and he would be cheering her on. What he was insecure about was her realising that he was probably slowing her down in life. Y/n was well within her rights to kick him out of her life for being nothing but a freeloader and stopping her from reaching her full potential, what with him constantly stopping her from her own life to help him go through shit happening in his. Whenever he was sad, or confused, or upset, Y/n was the first person he would talk to and he feared that she would realise that he was probably taking advantage of her and stop talking to him. And that scared him. It scared him because he knew that she didn't need him at all, but he needed her to do anything in life. Every major and minor decision in his life has been approved by Y/n first, and not because she was a controlling friend who didn’t trust him with his own life, but because Harry needed her validation. Harry Styles, a world-famous superstar, had girls, guys and non-binaries at his feet, following his every beck and call. Harry Styles, who was on the cover of every magazine, known by every celebrity, dated only the most perfect of women, required validation from Y/n, a psychology major at a small university. Y/n, who liked to plan her day out on a to-do list, end up not doing anything on that to-do list and cry about it afterwards. Y/n, who breaks it down to “Murder She Wrote” by Chaka Demus & Pliers like it’s her last 4 minutes and 5 seconds alive on this Earth while making pancakes. Y/n, who cries more when she’s laughing while watching Tik Toks than she does during sad movies.

To celebrities, Y/n was nothing but a regular. But to Harry, she was all. She was the warmth of a sweater that you toss in the dryer for a few minutes to make it extra toasty. She was the pad of butter that you spread onto your pumpkin sourdough toast and it ends up being exactly the amount you wanted. She was the feeling when you are driving home from a long day of interviews and premiers, and you’re on the freeway and the windows down and you just… exist. She is the feeling you get when you watch Pride and Prejudice, and the relief of when you find the perfect word to end a lyric. She is when your shoes fit perfectly, and when you finish a book so utterly fulfilling that you lie there in a trance, looking up at your ceiling at 3 am, wondering how you could have been so lucky to be able to be blessed with an ending like the one you just read. Y/n was all those things and more.

And that’s why he had to tell her he loved her. No matter how scared he was.

***

The electric kettle is finished boiling the tea all too quickly as the bubbling comes to an end and the distinct click of the switch turning back off echoes around the silent apartment. Y/n had poured the scalding hot water into the two cups she had prepared stared into them.

It was time. She had tried to avoid this for as long as possible, but now it was the moment to face the music. She picked up the two mugs of tea and brought them to her lounge where Harry was sitting on her worn in green sofa, staring at her coffee table, eyebrows scrunched, pouted lips, deep in thought, before looking up at her with wide green eyes, and followed her to where she stood in front of him. She passed his mug to him before sitting on the comfy chair a few feet away from the sofa and from him, putting some distance in between them for her sake, so that she wouldn’t try to hug him and say sorry without saying what she needed to say first. Which she needed to start talking about now, so as not to sit in the awkward silence created by the two.

Say something!!

“So…’

Jesus fuck…. was that all you could think of? Wow. I am going to lose my best friend.

Y/n was choking.

“I am so sorry,” Harry’s voice intercepts, raspy from the lack of use, looking up from the coffee table he seemed so interested in. “I am so fucking sorry Y/n. I have no excuse as to why I was making fun of you that day. I pushed too far and I am a shit friend for not noticing that you were already on edge. It was so wrong of me and I am so sorry.” He stopped himself before he started to ramble, looking at her with eyes filled with an emotion she couldn’t decipher.

Y/n felt… unsatisfied. Why did she feel this way? He apologised, right? So why does she feel unfulfilled? Why does she want him to say more? He hit all of the points he had to for a standard apology, so why did she think he hadn’t done enough? Was it that little optimist in her brain hoping he would maybe reveal a slight attraction to her? Maybe tell her that he loves her, and has loved her forever and ever? Confess that she has bewitched him, body and soul so that she didn’t have to? God, was she an idiot. But a lovestruck idiot at that. She bites her tongue and replies.

“Harry, I forgive you. Although you were annoying as ever,” She rolls her eyes and smirks, while he lets out a breathy, half-assed chuckle, showing his acknowledgement at her attempt to ease the lowered yet still prevalent tension. She continues. “ I understand that you were just trying to have fun. I guess I was the one who irrationally lashed out . I am always okay with you poking fun at me, but I was just frustrated and tired and I took it out on you. I’m sorry for the improper communication and I’m sorry for pushing you away when we should’ve just talked…”

“I forgive you too. I think this was just miscommunication on both parts.” He stared into her eyes, almost as if he could sense the discontent in her, but chose to ignore it.

“I guess so.” She halfheartedly answered, not really knowing where to take the conversation next. They had both apologised, but evidently still had things to say. Well, Y/n had things to say, that’s for sure, but she was pretty sure that Harry wanted to say something too. He had that look on his face where he wanted to say something but was forcing himself not to.

What does he want to say? Why can’t he say it to my face? I mean, sure, I’m also hiding shit I wanna say, but I have an excuse. This could ruin our friendship. What does he have to say?

“Great,” Harry replies, trying to fill the awkward pauses and conversation that is being held. He still looked like he had something to say, but seemed like he was not budging.

Well, if he’s not saying anything, I’m not either. Why do I have to confess my feelings and put our friendship on the line if he isn’t even going to say what’s on his mind?

“So, are we good?”

“I don’t know. Are we? I mean, I forgive you and you forgive me, right?”

“Right… No yeah, we’re alright. We’re completely fine!” Y/n replies quickly. Why the fuck would you say that? You’re not fine.

There is a pregnant pause and Y/n has half a better mind to just get up, walk to the bathroom again with her head down and lock herself in there till he leaves again, because she cannot take this awkward conversation. Not with him. She shifts, ready to stand up to get some water, when Harry looks at her, confusion and slight panic setting into his face.

“Wait. I don’t think I’m fine…” She looks up at the boy sitting in front of her, reading the words from her mind like they were scribed on a piece of paper in the blackest of ink, permanent and bold. Her heart stuttered. What else did he want?

“Is everything okay, H?” she tentatively asks. He loses eye contact with her, gaze lowering towards the table in front of him

“I-” he pauses, trying to collect his thoughts while simultaneously trying to explain to her why he wasn’t okay. “I just- fuck” his head falls down, his face inches away from the hot tea in his hands, the humid steam billowing out of the mug and warming his elegant face as he takes a deep breath and tries once more to convey his thoughts. “I don’t want us to be friends again.”

Her heart stops. This could go one of two ways. He could either be confessing his hatred or his adoration for her, and either one would probably end with her imploding. She tries to take a neutral tone when she replies.

“What does that mean, H?”

He looks at her once more. “It’s not enough, Y/n... “

“What?” She is confused. Her friendship isn’t enough? How is she supposed to reply to that?

“I want more. I don’t want us to just be friends. I want to be more with you. I want to do more with you. I want to do things that friends… they shouldn’t do together…”

Is he trying to confess he likes her? Why, in all the ways you could speak, would he choose to speak like that?! She has had enough of him dawdling around his feelings. “Harry, stop being cryptic and fucking tell me what’s going on?!”

“I love you, Y/n! I fucking love you, Y/n. So much. And it is eating me from the inside out. I hate that we can’t be normal anymore, and I hate that you don’t love me the way I love you, but I cannot sit here and pretend everything is fine, because I love you.”

Y/n is stunned. Frozen in her spot. Can’t move, can’t speak, can’t breathe. Stuck in space, and stuck in time.

Holy fucking shit… he loves me…

While Y/n processes the life changing knowledge that her best friend loves her, her best friend conveniently sits next to her, wishing that he was dead for the letdown he was about to receive.

“Say something… please, for the love of God, say something!”

****

She looks up at Harry. Not Harry Styles, playboy, whore, singer, millionaire, but instead; Harry, her best friend of five years, reddened face out of embarrassment. She sees the mortality in his eyes. Feels his presence so heavily in the moment. She is in awe. True awe of him, and his ability to love her. And with that awe- and that stupid look on her face, she reaches up and cradles his face in her hands, brushing her thumbs softly over his plush pink lips. He stands just as still as her, barely breathing, as if it would shatter the fantasy to stardust and he would wake up in his bed, cold shivers running down his spine, as has happened previously whenever he thought of this moment, staring up at his ceiling at 3:40AM wondering why he thought of his best friend in such a way. She creeped closer to his face before stopping a breath away from him, and whispered.

“Is this okay?”

She looked into his eyes, and he looked into hers, both never feeling so alive before. He wishes to tell her that she needn’t ask for his permission, and that he wants to kiss her forever. Eternally locked in an embrace that holds their souls together. But all he can muster is a weak and broken whisper back.

“Please,”

She can hold it for no longer, and leans in the rest of the way, their lips moulding together, for the very first time, eyes fluttering close, as his hands reach to grab her by the hips to straddle him, deepening the kiss even further. And when they part for breath, panting for air with slightly moist lips, they touch foreheads, eyes still closed. Words needn’t be exchanged- everything that yearned to be said was useless, as it could never describe how they truly felt for each other. So hopelessly besotted with one another, that all they could do was breathe together before kissing once more, hoping that their actions could provide even an iota of an idea of how much they love one another.

Two best friends, turned lovers forevermore.