#i hate when i end up loving my entries lol

[hummingbird-games]

2023 In Review (Indie Games)

Last year's! | 2021

I apologize in advance for how long this might be. As a reminder, I don't bash games here so even if I hated something with every fiber of my being...I ain't sharing. As a second reminder, my more in depth reviews and live blogging has moved to Gem's Game Gems so I don't clutter the HBG's main blog. Okay. ON WITH THE REVIEW!!

DEMOS

Diffraction (Demo)- A rainy day otome indeed. I love the quiet gentleness of this game, the two romance options, and the fact that our MC is a photographer and struggling with her art and stack of life "failures" (because...SAME!!)

Alaris - I was asleep and now I am awake: I came late for the advertised fae and dragon lore, stayed seated and waiting for Fenir zjgjdf. Oh, and I guess the mystery surrounding our MC's abilities LOL.

The Summit Library - When I say I was maaaaaad when I realized I blew through chapter 1 and would have to go back to waiting for more content??? LOL, I was very miffed. Anyhoo, check out this title for the gorgeous art, another intriguing mystery (like what is *up* with the magic in the poor library?? who or what is to blame?? 👀) and of course the lovely characters we've been introduced to thus far.

Of Sense and Soul - I'm a regency romance girl. Like after you strip away the other stuff, I am but a poor woman with simple needs: a good ass love story 🤧💛 It's about the yearning and the slow burn and the will they/won't they/PLEASEEE they...I've never been so charmed by a demo, and the full game is going to be amazing I just know it!

Made Marion - This project is a game I've been keeping tabs on for a hot minute but hadn't taken the time to sit and properly enjoy the demo. I'M SO GLAD I DID!!! It's in early access now, so I'm hoping eventually I'll be able to carve out some time to play, but guysss Velvet Cupcake is doing the Thing?!? No idea which love interest I'll go for first, but I had a fun time meeting the Nottingham peeps in the demo.

Herotome (Super Demo) - Oh gosh. Oh gosh oh gosh oh my GOSHHH. Where do I even began?? (Really the question is where the hell do I end because this is one of those projects I talk about a lot/think about a lot and surprisingly haven't run out of things to say zkjfksjd). Another game I've been following for a while, it 100% lives up to the superhero genre in its aesthetic, the characters you interact with, the music and sound design, and of course the slowly unfurling story. Jade and Mia had come out as my top faves, Warden is still there, like hovering in the backgroud, shhhh but I have a special place in my heart for Griffin too (that conversation we have with her?? I have so many screenshots just so I can go back and reread and sear the words in my brain. Like a weirdo. Yup.)

Celestial Crowns - Stats building, celestial royalty, dating sim where you fuck around and find out your choices directly affect your MC's personality?? I'm sat. I supported the Kickstarter and now I try to practice patience for the full game's release siiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiighh.

OTOME/JOSEI JAM

Please note this is a SUPER abridged list for my sanity and I fell a little more in love with these 2 jams with each entry I played...

Intertwine - As embarrassing as it sounds, I've never given much thought to the "red string" thing, and I consume more than enough romance media LOL!! But Van is suuuuuch a beautiful man, the UI for this game is so interactive and lovely, the music is ALSO lovely, just lovely-love all the way around teehee. (Also this game encourages replayabillity so like, do with that info what you will.)

Spring Boy [Demo] - I believe this game is going through a complete rehaul, so my thoughts and feelings refer to the original jam entry I played. The art is bright and cute and it's a super super short demo, but I was intrigued by the other student we meet on our mission to plead with our professor about our bombed exam lol!

Assignment Due: Project Blue - IRl group projects??? Suck absolute ass. Group projects with a guy name Asher?? Suddenly it's my new favorite thing in the world 😁

Cryptid Campaign Manager [DEMO] - Remember the last time I looked over a cryptid dating sim??? Remember how I was SUCH a fool?? Good thing I didn't make that mistake again!! The prologue is such a tease but you get an idea of what the full game is gonna be like, and I'm excited to see where my career involving love (and politics) goes!

Heart Cage [Demo] - Yoooooo I stay my ass far far far away from yanderes (could never get into the trope or the character type). WELP. Guess I just needed to keep searching because I really downloaded this off a whim--well, the whim being one of my fellow dev peers playing and rating-- and proceeded to get sucked in 🤧I thought being a detective would be the highlight, but I guuuueeesssss I was more into the romance options than I thought. Oops.

Evernight - I tried to explain what this game meant to me on the side blog, but words failed me. I still don't know what to say other than I loved it?? Which is like ummm I say I love everything, and yeah I'm easy to please BUT Y'ALLLLLL if you play no other game, play this one. Please. Date a werewolf. Or a vampire. Or a fae. Plz. Also figuring out the mystery of your MC's abilities and past is just delightful, ugh.

Bright Oak (demo) - Anotha one I wrote about on the side blog!!! Play this one!!! The writing is lush and atmospheric and the characters are all delightful and it's another game with a mystery to untangle!

The Faithfulness of the Universe- This one gets the award for most unique all around entry that I played. Theeeeee prettiest pixel art to bless my eyeballs, and this tasty mystery concerning Fate and witch Faustina's future (or lack thereof 👀) and what it all means. As a player I very much want to know what it all means!

A Cup For All Seasons - Another game that needs its flowers y'all. It's short but super healing and super cozy and the voice acting and music really tie the gaming experience together???

The Working Woman's Guide to Burning Bridges - DEMO - It's the way I played the demo twice and I've been thinking about it ever since 😭😭😭🙃 obviously life happens and things come up, plus this was a demo. But. BUT!!! I am on my hands and knees prayinnggg the team gets together again to finish the game. I love playing as a stressed, lowkey bitter hot mess who doesn't have her life together 😂somehow the fictional version is soooo much more entertaining!!!

Keyframes (Spring Demo) - After the game College Craze, this is legit THE college, slice of life visual novel of my dreams. I cannot wait for the updated demo next year, and the Kickstarter whenever that rolls around. And now that the developer is on Tumblr, I've definitely been stalking the account and reading each new post like it's my day/night/weekend job 🤧

Hello Counsel 💋 - Okay I take it back, Evernight is like a 20/10 but Hello Counsel is like an 100/10 👁️👄👁️ This game is necessary for my mental, emotional, physical, and spiritual health, alright? The banter ✅ the character designs ✅ the music ✅ the sizzling chemistry between Poise and Salem ✅ I wish this game had more buzz because IT'S SO GOOD!!! (also the dev, Miseri, is who I wanna be when I grow up. I've made it through almost their whole backlog of games and there are no misses and EVERY game is different from the rest and it makes it hard for a toodler dev--ME--to cope LOL)

Candied Hearts - Isekaied into a candy themed game?? Sign me TF UP!!! (Peppermint I love you dearly, you must understand.)

Fully Released & Played (at least 1 playthrough)

The Knight's Dilemma - I don't even know how I originally stumbled upon this??? I just know it had been in my backlog for a hot minute and I was intrigued enough to save it way back when. Y'ALL WHY DIDN'T I PLAY SOONER SKJFHFJFH! There's a couple different endings, I loved the voice direction, AND it's such a simple concept of a game that was just executed beautifully.

Trouble Comes Twice - If I had to make a top 5 list of romance VNs, guess who makes the list?? Guess. Guess guess guess. Have you guessed yet??? LOL! I have been in love with TCT since it's development days and with each passing month, waiting in anticipation, playing the Pateron beta builds, screaming on the main blog about every single thought I had about Jace and Hazel (shoutout to Jace for helping me figure out *me*) Lol if you're curious about said thoughts, those posts are on this blog and not the side blog.

Aelfric the Wondrous - 10/10 would love to forget my first play through JUST to have that experience fresh again 😭😭💛Cute and funny and a wonderful parody type game all around.

A Summer's End - Hong Kong 1986 - Goodness, there's no excuse for why this took me years to finish but anyhoo, I finished, I loved it, I recommend it! It's romantic and achingly authentic and the art is soooo gorgeous I literally can't stand it 😭

The Things You Do For Love - Unhinged yandere manages to entertain and garner sympathy and laughter from Gemini. And that poly ending is chef's kiss too????

Band Camp Boyfriend - There are a handful of games I found and loved before I began my game development journey, and this is one of them. BCB is so dear to me, because of the story and characters but also because of the Dynamic Duo creators and their team behind the scenes. I was never a band kid I was a chorus kid but just as the band geeks loved this game to pieces, us normal folks do too!! Even the boys who I didn't like I STILL managed to find joy in playing their routes (still have a few more to finish at the time of this posting lol, GOTTA GET THE FINAL ROUTE YO). Anyway, this game more than delivered for me and I hope more people keep discovering it!!

Belle Automata: Chronicle I [RELEASED] - While only Chronicle 1 is out at the time of this posting, I already know that the 2nd and 3rd parts are going to be just as amazing???? I wrote about this one on the side blog, so here's my copypaste that still rings true:  

I love TNP (The Nightmare Prince) but Victor’s route hit the sweet spot for me. Maybe it’s the slow(er) burn nature of this route, maybe it’s the reserved nature of Victor and watching him slowly start to care (AND NOT KNOW WHAT TO DO WITH THOSE FEELINGS TEEHEE) for me.

A Date with Death - I wrote about this on the side blog--again--. The demo. And then right after finishing a route. And then again where I was fully awake and still managed to sound deranged. No copypaste for that, I shall be nice. But yeah!! Another game where I was screaming at the sky about how much I love it and how I'll never know peace as long as I live.

Our Life: Baxter DLC - I need to offer an official apology to both Cove and Derek because falling head over heels, down the stairs, crashing into the parking lot, falling again but down a manhole for Baxter's infuriating ass was NOT on my 2023 bingo board??? HELLO???? I bought his DLC just to complete my OL collection. Was not expecting to love it this much. Was not expecting to be called to write fanfic and abandon all responsibilities to do this. WHILE DOWN WITH COVID TOO. Allow me to play the song of my people. *Send in the Clowns plays*

Our Cinderella - (this is so funny I'm taking about a side game before the main game LOLOLOLOL) Guys. Guysss. You guyyyysss 🥹if you're looking for a cozy, hilarious, equally oddly and wonderfully sweet short game, this is the one!! You may have your personal favorite Iggy ship (like me) but all the pairings are so amazing and just make sense lol!

Wylde Flowers - This is the only non visual novel game on here but it gets the spotlight because I did NOT spend 90+ hours on this game to gatekeep this beauty. No. It the coziest, the funniest, the funnest, the most addictive Switch game (after Teacup) I've ever played.

Fully Released (& still on 1st playthrough)

Garden of Seif: Chronicles of an Assassin - Life kicked my butt and then sat on me SO while I finally got my grubby hands on the full copy, I still have only played the entirety of the demo. But. We will return to this in 2024 and hopefully I'll have a full review for the next wrap up!

Our Wonderland - I looked back at the side blog and I can't believe it was only THIS year that I started OW??? Because I'd known of the game and the dev for longer than that??? So basically what I'm saying is that I was chicken shit for longer than I've been in love with this world that Developer Carrot has created kjzhhshggj. But OMG to get me, who is scared oh so easily to get hella invested in this clearly labeled horror game??????????????? And even with shit gets super absurd and hella disturbing, I cannot stop playing. At the time of this post, I'm only in Act 4, hence the category above, but it's only because I play each act in a sitting and lose track of space and time and myself. That's a compliment btw.

...

Okie!! That's 2023 in a nutshell! I played a looooot of really good games this year and while I would have liked to talk about them all, I think this list provides a nice overview.

Let me know if we share any favorites!

- Gemini 💛

[magixfairyix]

Winx Club Darcy Headcannons

(Some swearing)

~She's farsighted (ie needs glasses to read things up close) so that's in my mind why she has her glasses in her civilian outfit and not her transformation cause there's nothing to read up close when Bloom casts fireball

~I headcanon she, Icy, and Stormy are coven sisters. They all have separate backstories in my fanfiction, and families. Darcy found Stormy and then the two of them found Icy in Magix

~Darcy was going to be the leader of the Trix but looked at Icy like, "do I look like I can take that stress?"

~As a psychic witch (same information would go for any psychic magic) she knows a lot about psychology and the structure of the brain. In my mind to manipulate someone's mind (lol) you have to know the specific structure in the brain you are trying to manipulate/how it works and the more you know that the better the spell would work

~She keeps a notebook/diary thing and just writes random notes in there the days she writes, not really entries. Example: "Stormy is gay for Musa. Not my problem. Icy's doing whatever. Darkar's an idiot. I am tired and I need fucking sleep."

~Her main hobby is drawing but (unlike Bloom) backgrounds are hell for her. Mainly draws objects or people

~She cannot pay attention to one thing. If she's drawing she needs music. If she's watching a movie or something she needs to draw while watching it (unless she's extremely invested)

~Unlike Icy or Stormy who just listens to one genre Darcy listens to anything as long as she fucks with it. I can see her vibing with songs about just un-aliving grapists or maybe that's just me projecting (-o-)

~With specific music artists I can see her listening to: Luluyam (listen to their music for goodness sake) specifically the song DIVINE CEO and Sympathy. Stella Cole, songs like Love Like Mine and Woman of the Hour. Margo (the some repeat after me has such Darcy vibes). And ZAND (specifically I Spit On Your Grave and Deliverance), Also Ashniko cause yes

~Meanwhile Stormy listens to Evanescence, Halestorm (ironically), MARINA, and also BLACKPINK AND (G)-IDLE. And Icy listens to Halsey, Poppy, AURORA, and others that I'll put in her headcanons if I ever get to one

~She doesn't hate faries without reason as much as Icy and Stormy. But if a fairy says something rude about witches (ie, adding a reason) she will tear them apart. (Her planet in my headcannon, Zenothe, was made when witches who are basically abandoned found a dead planet so insult witches and she will fuck with you)

~Her favourite book is An Anomysis Girl (is gives very Darcy Riven vibes at least to me)

~Acually cared about Riven and was afraid to let herself trust someone like that at the beginning, so part of the reason she was able to leave him so easily at the end of season 1 was because she saw him caring for Musa and all (she saw that he did a bit in the beginning cause mind reading and all) and was like: ding dong ur dead

~Is so used to Icy and Stormy knowing her presence (coven members can sense where each other are if they focus enough, because magical bond and all, might elaborate on that) so she just accidentally jumpscares people sometimes

(Might be more but...)

[storiesofsvu]

A Dangerous Game Ch 15

Emily Prentiss x reader Warnings: language, alcohol, and a whole lotta hurt. y'all saw this coming, i know you did, so don't hate me too hard. LOL. As always, would love to hear your responses, thoughts on whats going to happen next and theories!

Emily was pacing through her living room, her phone lay abandoned on the kitchen island, her eyes landing on it each time she turned back in that direction. She absolutely did not want to send this text, not that she even had a text drafted, she’d typed up and deleted at least thirteen options already, deciding that each one was worse than the last, that none were what she wanted to say. Because what she wanted was to continue the conversation briefly started last Friday, the one where she admitted her true thoughts and feelings, one that would end happily and instead she was stuck with this. Her gut was churning already at just the thought, knowing you were already pissed about being kicked off the case. She’d downed a glass of wine to try and calm herself, get her in the right mindset to complete the task at hand. Turning back to the counter she noticed Sergio pawing at her phone, the device dangerously close to being batted to the floor and she quickly scooped it up before he could do so. He seemed to be staring her down as she typed out a message, hitting send before she could fully process what she was doing.

‘Hey, about earlier… can you come over tonight? Even just for an hour?’

The phone dropped back down onto the island with a clatter, Sergio glancing between it and Emily before his paw shot out again, this time batting at Emily’s hand, his claw catching onto her forearm as he swiped back down and she let out a hiss.

“Serg! Ow!” She clutched at the scratch, he’d broken the skin, but at least it wasn’t too deep. He let out an annoyed meow, batting at her phone again and she sighed, “oh c’mon man, I’ve gotta do it.” In return he simply turned away from, curling up on the counter facing the door and she rolled her eyes, moving into the kitchen to wash the scratch, holding a paper towel to the tiny amount of blood. Her heart leapt into her throat when her phone buzzed on the island and she turned back to it.

‘Yeah, just give me like, thirty? Derek’s having problems hooking this shit up.’

Great. Just what she needed, more waiting in anticipation.

She refilled her wine glass, taking a deep breath as she slowly started to shut down her emotions, replaying a script in her head, doing her absolute best not to stray from her planned words.

*

It shouldn’t have been a surprise when there was a knock on her door exactly forty minutes later, you were always punctual. She gave herself a quick shake before pulling the door open,

“Hey.”

You smiled softly, stepping into the apartment and she returned the sentiment. When you moved toward her she didn’t shy away, rather shifting at the last minute so that your lips hit her cheek instead, her own barely brushing against your skin and she was able to take the briefest second to inhale your perfume before grounding herself back to earth.

You followed Emily down the entry hall, the box in your hand landing on the kitchen island when she rounded it, leaning against the opposite side. Your eyes fell to her forearm, the bright red mark a stark contrast to her skin and your eyes widened.

“Oh my god, are you okay?”

“Huh?” She glanced up to you and then down to her arm and huffed, “oh, yeah, just this asshole.” She nodded in the direction of Sergio who was still on the counter and you scoffed.

“Oh come on mister.” You scooped him up off the counter into your arms like a baby and he immediately started purring, licking your hand as you pet him. “Why you bein’ so mean? You gotta be nice to your mom, we like her a lot, remember?”

Emily nearly lost her gall watching the way you were cooing at Sergio, giving him a little kiss on the head as you scolded him for scratching her. She was witnessing exactly what she wanted, exactly what she was about to rip away from herself. Sergio let out a little shriek and jumped from your arms, his thump landing on the floor bringing her back to the moment and she shook out of it. You let out a small laugh eyes still on the cat and missed it completely before you opened the box you’d brought with you.

“Mini donut?” You asked, pulling one from it and Emily shook her head.

“Uh, no.”

You could sense a shift in the room, as if a window had blown open and a gust of winter air wrapped around you, your head tilted as you surveyed Emily for a moment.

“Hey… everything alright?”

“I… just wanted to talk.”

“Okay.” You shrugged, leaning against the island while you picked at the donut.

“You were really out of line today.” She started and your rolled your eyes.

“Em, c’mon, spare me the lecture. You already tore a strip off me in the office, you don’t need to do it again, even if it was just for show ‘cause Rossi and the director were there.” Your attention was on the donut, breaking off a piece of it to pop into your mouth.

“It wasn’t.” There was a coolness in her voice you weren’t used to hearing directed towards you, especially not in private and your eyes flicked up to her, your brow furrowed.

“Okay. I get it, I fucked up. I made a mistake, I owned up and I apologized for it, now we move on.”

“You do realize you could’ve compromised the entire case, right? We need to play by the rules if we want unsubs to actually be penalized for their crimes.”

“Pretty sure I remember how the law works, thanks though.” You couldn’t help the annoyance, it was slowly building through your veins, coursing through your body since you’d left the BAU that afternoon, it was still sitting right under the surface waiting to break through.

“What if a case had come in? What if we had needed to be wheels up and you were off galivanting on a different case that I hadn’t approved?”

“Ugh, Emily!” You groaned, “did you seriously make me drive all the way out here to continue to berate me about work? Couldn’t this have waited until tomorrow or been a fucking email? You don’t need to scold me like some school child.”

“Maybe if you weren’t acting like a child.” She shot back and you pushed off the island, crossing your arms over your chest.

“Excuse me?”

“The shit you pulled today made me realize just how immature you are. You expected to walk away from this completely unscathed based on personal relationships alone.”

“Okay, I get it.” You huffed, “you’re mad about earlier, how the line was blurred between work and play”—

“It wasn’t just blurred it was completely fucking gone!” Her voice rose and you tensed, you certainly weren’t used to being on the receiving end of it and you definitely didn’t like it, “you really thought you were some kind of teacher’s pet? That you were going to avoid punishment just because I’d seen you naked? Reasons like that and people like you are the legitimate reason why rules against fraternization exist!”

“This isn’t about work…” realization washed over you as your face fell, your body beginning to shrink inward, “this is about us…”

“You’re finally catching on.” Emily stated bluntly and as hard as you tried to search her face you couldn’t find a single ounce of empathy.

“Em…please…” your own resolve began to crack and you did your absolute best to not let your voice shake, you couldn’t let her know just how much this was hurting you. You felt your chest tightening already, your heart hammering, “I fucked up, I expected special treatment and that was wrong. I know it now; we can move past this.”

“And when it happens again?” She cocked a brow, “or when I do let something slide and someone catches onto it? You really think I’m willing to risk my career that I’ve spent decades working for, for just some fling?” 

“Fling?” You managed to get out, a little scoff leaving your lips, “that’s all this ever was?”

“We both knew from the day you walked into my office that this couldn’t be anything more than that. I may have let myself get whisked up in the comfort and casualness of it all, but it was never going to be more than sex. This can’t keep happening. You’re immaturity has proven that today.”

“I’d really love if you could just decide between insulting me personally or my work ethic at this point.”

“We agreed to no strings! To something easy!” Emily argued back, her arms swinging to exaggerate her words, “but all this sneaking around? Having to hide it, pretend nothing’s going on when people ask, coming up with stories to cover things up? It’s exhausting.”

“I didn’t realize I was such an inconvenience…” You could feel yourself crumbling from the inside out, praying that for as long as you were in Emily’s apartment, that it stayed on the inside. You shook your head, looking up at the ceiling in an attempt to keep the tears at bay, “and here I was thinking I was going to get an apology.”

“An apology?” She laughed, “why the fuck would you be getting an apology? You were the one in the wrong!”

“Maybe, because for once, for once in my fucking life I thought someone actually gave a shit! I thought you cared about me, that all those weekends together actually meant something. That for once I wasn’t going to be walked away from, but I’m so fucking stupid. I thought you’d say you were sorry for the harsh words at work, but it was needed, that we were gonna have a separating church vs state conversation. That we were going to finally realize how dumb we were being, that we should say fuck the rules and actually be together.” You had to pause, a hitch in your breath as your chest heaved, a tear managed to escape the corner of your eye and you swiped it away hopefully before Emily could see it, finally glancing back at her. “I knew it. I fucking knew something was off, you were being weird and I just knew deep down that you were getting cold feet, but I didn’t want to believe it. Don’t know why I’m so stupid, clearly you’d never want something to do with someone like me…”

You were surprised when what left Emily’s lips was a scoff of a laugh, “at least you’re finally getting it.”

You froze, your brow furrowed as you shook your head. You weren’t sure what to say, you weren’t totally sure you were going to be able to speak at all without bursting into tears. You could feel your hands beginning to shake, your chest trembling as you tried to breathe, your heart was thundering in your ears loud enough you barely heard her when she spoke again.

“It’s over. Whatever happened between us, no matter how fun it was, it stays in the past. Doesn’t matter how special it felt, now you can focus on proving yourself to me as a special agent, like you should have in the first place. I expect you at your desk at nine.”

“Wow…” you muttered, shaking your head as you quickly turned from the island, “so much for the fucking flowers.”

Your words were met with deaf ears from Emily, the only thing she heard was the slamming of the door as you disappeared from her apartment for the last time.

A block away from the freeway you realized you had to pull over, you weren’t going to be able to hold this in until you got home. Cracking a window so you finally felt like you could breathe you let out a sob, collapsing over the steering wheel, letting the pure emotion take over. You hadn’t felt this stupid in a very long time, you’d let Emily get under your skin, let your guard down, you’d finally admitted to yourself that you were falling in love with her. You thought that you’d soon be able to admit it to her, that tonight was going to end with the two of you exclusively together. You knew she was strict when it came to work, but you had no idea one little slip up at the BAU would absolutely destroy everything the two of you had seemingly built over the past near ten months. Your mind began to race through every moment with her, part of you wanted to burn them into your memory forever so you would never forget it, never forget the feel of her lips on your skin, the way she held you tighter when it had been a rough case, the way being around her made warmth bloom through your chest. The other part of you wanted to never have to think about them again, and that part seemed to be winning, the only thing you could hear were her cruel words burning into your skin, making you cry even harder.

*

“Fucking hell.” Emily swore, wincing at the echoing in her ears of the door slamming. She braced herself against the island for a minute, breathing deeply while the façade slipped from her body and mind. She padded over to the door, locking it and flicking off the hallway light. Back in the kitchen she glanced to Sergio, “ten bucks says she doesn’t show up to work tomorrow.” She swatted him away from the open box of donuts and in retaliation he let out a hiss, swatting at her hand again. “Hey!” He simply stared her down, “oh don’t look at me like that.” She scoffed and he jumped off the island, racing off to his cat bed in the corner to curl up with his back to her.

Great. Not even Sergio to keep her company tonight.

She pulled down a bottle of whiskey, pouring a hefty amount into a glass before downing it, wincing at the burn it left in her mouth, dripping warmth down her throat, burning into her chest. Her shoulders sagged as the liquid moved through her, her lips forming a tight line as she shrunk, wrapping her arms around herself. She couldn’t cry, not here, not now. Her eyes flicked to the coffee cup full of dirt on her tv stand, cursing that it was still there, that she’d had to do what she’d done.

Crossing the room she slammed the bedroom door, stripping off her clothes until she was in the bathroom, that door shut, a towel shoved in the crack under it, music coming from her phone as she blasted the water at its highest pressure and climbed into the shower. It was only there that she let herself finally break, knowing the sound wouldn’t leak through.

It had been a long time since she’d cried, even longer since it had been over something like this. The absolute last thing in the world that she wanted to do was let you go and now she’d shunned you away, likely for good. There was no coming back from twisting the knife as deeply as she had and she knew it. She’d done it on purpose, playing off the stories you’d told her, using your insecurities to make things really sting. As tears slipped down her cheeks she tried to remind herself that she had to do it, you had to believe it was real, that she wanted nothing to do with you. If you didn’t, if she’d let you in on the truth, even with a fake argument there was a likelihood that someone would slip and who knew if there were other bugs, how closely Dewald was watching. She had to hurt you like that, make sure that you wouldn’t come crawling back to her because there was absolutely no way she would be able to turn you away. You were the closest she’d come to loving someone in years. So instead, she did her best to silently sob in the shower, letting the hot water burning on her skin in an attempt to distract her from the emotional pain of losing you.

*

You managed to get home in one piece, though you felt completely empty, sitting in the driveway trying to come up with the energy to actually go inside. You were staring ahead when your phone buzzed in the cup holder and your eyes slowly moved in that direction, sniffling as you wiped away a stray tear. A surge of anger flashed through you when you saw Emily’s name on the screen, but you opened the message nonetheless.

‘Did you like the flowers?’

A watery scoff left your lips, a whole new set of tears brimming in your eyes, though at least these ones were filled with rage, how dare she? You debated not replying, but your emotions took control of you, fingers darting over the screen to type out the reply.

‘Seriously!? Agent Prentiss, after what you just pulled, the cruel things you said, I never want to hear from you again unless it is work related. In person, calls or over text. Vegas is dead. You made that very clear.’

You would’ve blocked her number if she wasn’t your boss.

There was a bottle of bourbon with your name on it in the kitchen and you knew it, finally having the energy, you grabbed your phone, slamming the car door and jogging up the stairs. It was only once in the kitchen that you spotted the bouquet, still wrapped in paper sitting on the island.

“Fuck you Emily.” You muttered, grabbing them to angrily toss in the garbage chute.

*

Emily sat on her bed in her coziest pyjamas, very large glass of whiskey in her hand, the tv mumbling nonsense that she wasn’t paying attention to. Her eyes puffy and rimmed red she was staring at her phone where it laid on top of the duvet, wishing that it would buzz despite not having sent a single message in hours. She knew as much as she wanted it, it couldn’t happen, you had to stay away from each other and there was no doubt you hated her now, but the only thing she wanted was to see your name flashing across the screen. She ached to have you be the one to make the first move, beg her to change her mind, to try and right things, that you would promise to do better, whatever it took for her to give you a second chance because she would give it to you in a heartbeat. It felt like hours later when Sergio finally jumped up into her lap, breaking her trance and she finally looked away.

Though it didn’t matter. Not a single text came through, her phone never went off that night.

__________

@mickey-gomez @momlifebehard @itisdoctortoyousir @emilyprentiss4life @somethingimaginative17 @temilyrights @alexxavicry  @anya-casablanca @daddy-heather-dunbar @evilregal2002 @aliensaurusrex @rustyzebra @ilovemycrayons @mandy-asimp @thegrantwater @leftoverenvy @kades95 @dextur @m00nkn1ghts @augustvandynee @supercriminalbean @daffodil-heart @msvenablesbitch @its-soph-xx  @going-gray @just-a-torn-up-masterpiece @hopelesslyfallenninlove @peanutbutterprincess  @kdaghay @emilyprentisssluvr @lex13cm @awolfcsworld @zizzlekwum @emobabeyy @riveramorylunar @s1ut4nat @midnight-sapphic @scorpsik @thisisraes @prentiss-theorem @unsubologyy @strongsassysexysloane @svushots @overtrred28 @hbkswife @happenstnces  @sapphicprentiss

[mystycalypso]

i see u on my account... *poke poke* thought i'd leave a message here...

anyways heloooo ^_^ unrelated but thoughts on trinity bales? and maybe cats? trinicats?

I'm sorry I'm stalking tumblr while- ironically drawing Trinity cats wheeze, hold on lemme just

Nicky gets ambushed by Trinicats (the cuteness is overwhelming) (I'd color it but uh- A. I cannot draw cats for the life of me TvT and B. I have to get Maritza's Entry done (you guys are gonna love her design I promise))

I also have notifications on for like- all the other hn artists on here just bc uh, I am feral for this franchise and all content even slightly related to it (My graduation cap for reference is gonna be either Mr. Peterson and Imbir or the rescue squad kids with the words "Goodbye neighbor" on it)

Other Trinity thoughts are just, I need more of her lol. I'd love an episode showing more of her dynamic with her father or both her parents since the incident happened. Plus the more information I can gather about each of the members the better I can write their late teen to adult selves in rtrb (who- I might redesign the outfit for a little. I was having some art block when I designed her so- her outfit is just her child outfit again and I don't think that's fair compared to how different say Maritza's outfit is, but I needed entry one out before people started asking why I started with two and had no one lol)

I also just want to see how her dynamic develops with other characters, obviously Nicky is at the forefront of my mind for this because well- I need to know how inevitably they do end up looking into this stuff together. But also Ivan and maybe finally questioning his feelings about Mr. Peterson. Or Maritza on why she has to pretend they aren't all messed up from the incident (/j I still love you Maritza) or Finch on why she's... uh

Probably a stand up person and I won't hate her in the slightest (even tho who tf takes pictures of someone having a breakdown?) (Kaydin says I need to stop bullying 13-15 fictional characters ú_ù /j)

Ig if there was anything else, I mean, okay for context I've had several family members with diabetes, type 1 and 2, and, okay have they actually cut like- all sugars out of her life? There are cell phones so I assume there are artificial sweeteners which sure doesn't mean you can shovel down junk food but they're okay in moderation. Plus they don't seem to monitor her school lunch so just like- let this girl have some actual-ish lemonade pls instead of- just highly saturated lemon water, she deserves it

[writingwenches]

oc introduction — Lady Patience Buckwell

I wanted to join the Larys!wife OC party, so here's my entry, it's mainly just for sexy purposes...who doesn't love blackmail as a meet!cute~ is this how you do self-insert??? LOL rip

Patience has six sisters, each one named after a heavenly virtue. The six ladies are all close in age, and husbanding hunting at the same time. They are a loud, boisterous family, with known rivals amongst the sisters, potentially from many different mothers. Patience was right in the middle. (I need help picking all 7 of their different personalities hehehe)

One Night, one of those great rivalries came to a head. Patience was the one left standing on the balcony, alive. Her sister was laying on the ground below, very much dead. And who just-so-happened to have witnessed the entire ordeal? The true Master of Whispers.

It could have happened right away, or they had a will they/won't they for many years before — but Larys offered his hand in marriage in a way Patience could not refuse. Weighing her options vocally, she reluctantly agreed and she became Lady Patience Strong. She could have the highest ranking position amongst her sisters or...she could remain right in the middle. oops.

a/n: I picked the name Patience because I didn't want the name to have nickname potential, and I'm sure the youngest of the seven ended up with Diligence rip Temperance was another name option, give me opinions if you prefer that name!

Larys was impressed by his new wife in ways he was not prepared for, growing up in a many of seven outspoken woman, plus their vast family network, Patience is able to follow more conversations at once amongst a crown than Larys himself. Larys hates being around her family and tries to limit it as much as possible, not fearing being seen as the "tyrant" husband. Patience always appreciates it. Patience miiight be able to hear the whispers of Harrenhal, but her brain is not taking in any of the info because its filling in all the missing voices from her youth.

a/n: Patience and Larys could have known one another growing up because Antlers and Harrenhal are pretty close, OR they met for the first time when he finds her as a murderer...opinions are always welcome! 😈

AND — I don't have many characters that end up having children, but these kids came with the show so I NEEDED to make these adorable kids.

The daughter is the master of the side-eye, and the son is not as smart as his father and he knows it. His sister sticks up for him, especially against his father. (a literal child to her father: "At least he's not a cripple 😒")

I picture Patience not ever daydreaming about kids in her youth, and wasn't looking forward to having them. But, once they gained personalities and she knew she was affecting them, she grew to love and truly care for them both.

notes: If you have not seen Matthew Needham (Layrs) performance in Great Expectations, you're missing out. If you find Larys creepy in any way, then you'll be horrified of his character in Great Expectations. Matthew was terrifying in a real world way in his role opposite Shalom Brune-Franklin, so I needed them to have something softer together in my mind LOL (srsly Great Expectations 2023/hulu was breathtaking, and I needed to put all the characters somewhere)

[borisbubbles]

Eurovision 2024: #36

36. FINLAND Windows95Man - "No Rules!" 19th place

Decade ranking: 143/153 [Above Nadir, below Let3]

Okay so, I promised in Saturday's post that I would try to be positive, but I may already have to rescind on that promise lol. (the "lol" is for punctuation because I definitely did not laugh.) "No rules!" stinks and has very few redeeming qualities. 🙂 Natalia was right, she WAS robbed by a Nudist Demon!

For real, does anyone over the age of twenty-five enjoy this dumpster fire? If so, fukk meee. LOVE YOURSELVES.

As I noted in my UMK review back in Feb:

I have difficulty buying into this hyperactive ball of bad taste. “Fuck The System” always feels like the go-to message of individuals that fail to fit into social structures that aren’t fully of their own shaping. For an entry that’s all “live as you like, there’s no rules!” in its messaging, these two look like they conform to just about every styling and behavioural rule associated with Zoomer culture: A total disregard for general aesthetics over a dumbed-down drone of a beat because everything is ironic and nothing is to be taken seriously.  It is a depressing take on life. Yeah sure, a bit of camp levity is welcome in this loathesome world, but any happy song that weaponizes irony like this one trends towards encouraging irresponsibility, cynicism and nihilism. Some things DO matter in life, you know? You need to afford your bills and groceries, charge your social batteries, cultivate your friendships, or else you’ll wind up living alone in a van, down by the river. But if the latter life appeals to you, then this is the entry for you, I guess. For me though; this contest is already has one Joost Klein. Let’s not add a second one from Finland.

Funny how I nailed that even before knowing the full extent of it. I ofc vastly underestimated how bad the live would be, and as soon as I'd seen it my scepsis immediately supernova'd into intense HATRED. If ONLY "Paskana" hadn't been weak as piss. Yes, the cringe in "No Rules!" is deliberate, obviously, I have a sense of humour. Having a sense of humour is why I hate it? How much "deliberated cringe" can one tolerate before concluding "nope, this is r o t t e n." Does it start with

THE BAD GUNTER IMPRESSION?

or

THE DONALD DUCKING?

or

CALLING HIMSELF" A QUEEN"?

or

screaming "SEE ME SLAYYYY" :proceeds to not slay: ?

It definitely ends in whatever this shot is supposed to be.

Humour is subjective sure enough, and Windowsninetycringeman's jokes fall flatter than a pancake á moi. Why is everything denim? Why is this THIRTY-NINE YEAR OLD MAN still engaging in toilet humour and internet speak? Grow the f up? The art lies in the execution and Finland showed neither. I do NOT like Europapa much, but having Finland and not Netherlands in the final vibes wrong on so many levels. Europapa at least had a clear plan and delivered its nonsense in contained, piecemeal doses? It was COMPETENT in what it attempted to be (A Televote Winner), not a lazy amalgation of simple-minded drunk jokes strung together over a Planet of The Bass megamix as some sort of a Hail Mary. Joost and Teemu represent the Expectations/Reality divide of Zoomer Nonsense and it was darksided that only the latter got to compete for points. But on top of that, Teemu was generally just full of shit? Hooray, an Old Millennial engaging in Zoomer Cringe who lets an actual zoomer do all the vocal heavy lifting, without giving him a single featuring credit. Yay! It's a painfully accurate depiction of what being a zoomer is like, but not an intentional one.

Also remember when Teemu said he would "try to discreetly approach the other contestants to find ways to show support for Palestine" (remember that this contest was supposed to be 'not political'?) Hm yes discreet. So discreet he declared his intentions to interviewers so that everyone would know it was HIS idea. "Discreet", human please. And the result of all that talk was...

(lol I'm SO making it sound like I care about what political standpoints any of these acts took, and I don't. But I do call out a fraud when I spot one.)

Yeah well thanks for trying, but I'd rather you hadn't. A statement you can apply to my feelings of the entry overall. Okay, we've reached full circle, time to move on to our designated palate cleanser because THIS page is a safe zone for people of good taste.

The universe where YLE overrules the results and sends THEM to ESC is the one where we head to Helsinki twice in a row.

THE RANKING

[yallemagne]

I watched a review of a Colleen Hoover novel a while back (the only way I would ever be able to consume her work) and this video's preamble in particular really... awoke me.

The video was by SAVY WRITES BOOKS and the review was of Ugly Love. The one where the baby has huge balls and dies in a car crash. Yeah.

Something Savy said was that the book was falsely advertised as a romance when actually it was a work of erotica. It blew my fucking mind. All the stars aligned. I realized then that some of the writing I hate most? It's just a fucking genre! EROTICA!

Lol I talk about sex so much in this I figured it earned the mature filter. No one's gonna read this anyway, this is functionally a diary entry.

I've made it clear before that I hate the trope in fiction where someone drops everything in their life to be with a literal shitstain of a man just because his stinky penis is large... AND THAT'S JUST EROTICA!! The reason why I'm so mad at that trope? It's because they always advertise it as Romance or Thriller, and it's just PORN.

Romance takes place in a realm that is adjacent to reality. When someone is abusive in a romance, there is a reasonable assumption that it will be condemned and a more healthy example will be raised. Emotional abuse? Physical assault? They are not displayed as attractive tendencies in a romance.

Erotica runs by porno rules. No matter what the author has to do, someone's gotta get a penis in them by the end of the page. The author is obviously writing with one hand in their pants no matter how horrific the events they are writing are because that's the point! It's their kink! And so long as the writing is advertised to the right audience? It will be the audience's kink as well!

In erotica, rationality is simply not required. You don't need build up, or... really anything. It's porn. It's smut. If you're writing a dubious scene or what have you, you don't need any preamble, you just jump in because the point is not to enlighten, it's to entice. I hate fiction that includes rape scenes that are written to be tantalizing. But holy shit. It's not that that person has a hard-on for rape (though it could be, rapists exist and are capable of creating art as well), it's that that author has a consensual nonconsent kink and just skipped the negotiation straight to the sex.

And y'all are gonna scoff at me and call me a dumbass... but I'm asexual. This is a bit confusing to me. I'm a complete outsider when it comes to sex. But when I think about it and try to put myself in the mind of a sex-haver, I imagine sex to be the most enjoyable when there is like... tangible intimacy between the two (or more) parties. Like I can enjoy a piece of fiction where people simply fuck dirty, and I have written smut like that, but... when it gets to the point that everything in the main character's life is being sacrificed for a penis... as a person who, in real life, finds penis to be laughable at best and repulsive at worst (if any penis havers take this personally omgggg it's not you it's genitalia in general), I just... cannot abide... But it simply is not for me. That's magical.

Man, it just pisses me off, dude. That people are marking their erotica as romance. Romance is already a niche genre. It's looked down upon by men, women, and enbys alike for being most popular with women. And then romance readers aren't able to enjoy their romance because a bunch of weird erotica (neutral) has infiltrated the genre and is all anyone wants to talk about. And I imagine some erotica readers are like "hey... where the fuck are my books at???" But erotica is obviously more niche than romance because of how appalling it can get, so publishers are just like "porn is shameful, market it as a romance so we can get a movie adaptation" and I find that shitty.

[frownyalfred]

I am hoping you can help me better understand something about my Zach Snyder feelings, because I know you have enjoyed his work.

I have conflicting feelings and I THINK it comes down to a different imagery language and some unnamed thing in his storytelling. It's mostly the unnamed thing I'm trying to ID.

When I describe broadly the plots, character motivation (obviously as I understand them), and events, I find myself very interested in his movies and what they have to say. Then I rewatch and I don't feel the same way. It feels dark (desaturation or whatever that filter is called), overly dramatic in a way that feels cartoonist or silly instead of meaningful, or boring and slow. There are some engaging moments some that are action some that are pretty or funny. However, few that move/engage me.

I know people often love or hate Snyder but I mostly feel his movies exist, have a few interesting elements but overall if they weren't about characters I was interested in, I just wouldn't watch. I don't hate or love it. I don't think it's the greatest or the worst.

Example of a storytelling concept that I get and liked in theory but not execution. The Martha, why did you say that name moment. Snyder is connecting Bruce to Clark's "humanity" in a way that hits Bruce in a place where he is always vulnerable and is primal/basic. When people mock this scene I have the urge to defend because I understand (in my way) what he was going for, but I can't because at no point in watching or rewatching that scene do I feel that. Even though he rehashed the Wayne's death in the beginning, then connects back to it during their fight about what his parent's taught Bruce. It still FEELS out of place and "falsely" dramatic.

That's all I can think to give as an example and not make this longer (sorry this is long). But if my descriptions click something for you as a writer and fan of Snyder, please let me know. I just don't know what it is about his storytelling and it's annoying to not understand why there is this disconnect.

Thank you for your patience, if you even get thru this, LOL.

I'm not a film major and I am definitely no expert, but I've been thinking about this ask. I agree with a lot of what you brought up, though it is hard to describe what that exact disconnect is with Snyder's films, and you'll get a million different opinions depending on who you ask.

To me, Snyder's DC films always feel like movies that were excellent plots on paper wrapped around a series of interesting and awe-inducing visuals and scores. There are scenes he does well -- one of my favorites being the initial scene in BVS where Bruce runs into the Battle of Metropolis -- almost because they feel like a separate, isolated moment in his script. There are scenes that drag, exposition dump, and feel dark and strange.

There seems to be a disconnect between him, the writer, and him, the director. He's good at both, don't get me wrong -- but there's something missing in between.

People on reddit will tell you the problem with BVS, at the end of the day, is all the plot holes or the cheesy dialogue. I mostly disagree. Especially after seeing Oppenheimer recently, I think Snyder struggles with building and maintaining the pace of his plot and the emotions he's trying to cultivate in his viewers. Continuity is key -- scenes building up on each other, revealing new layers of meaning and importance, leaving viewers guessing only on the least-obvious plot points.

He has all the pieces -- decent dialogue, powerhouse actors, amazing CGI, a script most people wouldn't laugh at on paper -- but they don't quite form a whole.

I did a quick review of some the things I like about BVS, thinking through this ask, and I think it's pretty revealing that most of those things are pieces, not overall themes.

The Battle of Metropolis flashback

Ben Affleck visually as Bruce Wayne

Lex's scenes with the Senator

The score

Kryptonite/Training scene

Lex's entry into Zod's ship

Diana

Bruce at the fundraiser

Warehouse fight scene

Alfred's dialogue

Lakehouse shots

Knightmare scene

As for the Martha scene, my inclination is that it's rarely out of place or strange when written correctly. In fics, I've seen it done very well. But Snyder doesn't use it for what it is -- a climax of Bruce Wayne's anger and misguided actions -- because he never truly brought the viewer all the way along with Bruce.

TL;DR: I don't know either. But I agree and commiserate with you on this. I still enjoy watching BVS and other Snyder films, but seeing other films -- especially Nolan's, which I'm not saying are theoretically better -- makes the difference very jarring.

[chaos0pikachu]

Did you see the ending of Last Twilight? What did you think of it?

Personally I tuned into LT for 1 episode and it just didn't catch me at all but I'm nosy, so I've been reading the posts that cross my dash. I won't say I know everything but from the reactions of the people who have watched it - it's clear it's not good.

Then I came across a post that was smt like: We don't trust Jojo. We can't trust Aof smt smt. And that got me thinking.

You've said you don't like GMMTV shows, iirc. That they are more a product being sold than a story being told. And that's what I remembered reading the above post.

I also realized the last GMMTV BL to hold my interest was The Eclipse and even that went messy towards the end. Somehow GMMTV continues to make bad shows and continues to keep getting praise for it(until people realize this is a shit show from the get go). Though I am glad that people are recognizing how well made the BLs from other companies are. I think part of it has to do with being palatable. Even at it's worst Only Friends was nowhere near horny enough, like many other BLs, and that was GMMTV's horniest show. Also they put their stuff out on YouTube which makes it accessible to everyone. That ease / lack of barrier to entry means a majority of the fandom, especially new fans would end up at GMMTV. Then there is the fact that these shows just keep getting recommended. If someone made a shows to watch list - some GMMTV show is on there with a warning 'badly done ending'.

That makes me think GMMTV has gotten cocky. They want to pump out as much as they can and suck as much money as they can from the fans. I get running a business but it's detrimental to the company in the long run when none of it's BLs in a whole year managed to stick the landing. Perhaps they just don't care. It reminds me of corruption. Think of it in a metaphorical way. It's a short term solution that creates some money but will create long term problems. (Well I don't think GMMTV will be affected that much. It's just an interesting thought.)

So what are your thoughts?

~ Fork Around

omg is hating gmmtv shows becoming ✨my brand✨ cause that would be so fucking funny

for home players I don't actually "hate" gmmtv or the studios shows I just think fandom, at large, overhypes them to fuck when in reality all the ones I've watched I've found them to be thoroughly mediocre in regards to both narrative and film making.

To answer your first question, no I didn't watch Last Twilight, not out of any moral~~~ reason or whatever the hell, just cause I didn't want to. It didn't look interesting or appealing to me so I didn't bother. I'm picky about what things I watch b/c I'm hella fucking lazy lol am I gonna spend 12+ hours watching a mid show from gmmtv or am I gonna spend that same amount of time watching like, Marry My Husband? The latter, I'm choosing the latter. Hell, I'd rather watch Wing Chun which has less budget than Last Twilight does b/c Michelle Yeoh even at her earliest can act circles - also bonus Donnie Yen as her love interest!! - around any actor at gmmtv.

God people are gonna now think I think all the gmmtv actors can't act, I don't think that, the ones I've seen range from bad, to fine, to good. Calm down I'm not after your faves, and I can only name like four dudes that are signed at gmmtv anyway.

Then I came across a post that was smt like: We don't trust Jojo. We can't trust Aof smt smt. And that got me thinking.

man the folks in fandom who keep deifying directors should like, stop. Y'all are just setting yourselves up for disappointment. It's giving Joss Whedon's fanbase for real. Like Spielberg directed Schindler's List and Ready Player One okay? No one director bats a thousand every round.

Somehow GMMTV continues to make bad shows and continues to keep getting praise for it(until people realize this is a shit show from the get go). [...] I think part of it has to do with being palatable. Even at it's worst Only Friends was nowhere near horny enough, like many other BLs, and that was GMMTV's horniest show. Also they put their stuff out on YouTube which makes it accessible to everyone. That ease / lack of barrier to entry means a majority of the fandom, especially new fans would end up at GMMTV. Then there is the fact that these shows just keep getting recommended. If someone made a shows to watch list - some GMMTV show is on there with a warning 'badly done ending'.

Okay so like, I've had a lot of thoughts about this in general since gmmtv shows do make up a mass majority of The BL Fandom in general.

The way I would break this down is into factors:

Parasocial relationships (between the audience and actors)

Palatable Brand (queerness packaged in a non-threatening and non-challenging way with simple, low stakes stories typically about acceptance, and romance aka squeecore romances)

Accessibility (being available on youtube for free)

Easily consumable (b/c the shows are low stakes and non-challenging they're really easy binge watches, and since gmmtv puts out like 50 of these things a year fans just move on to the next one really quickly. Have y'all noticed that there's like, a general lack of fan works in BL fandom? It's usually just weekly episode meta posts and weekly gifsets but not a ton of fan art and fanfic is made for these shows)

Consuming vs Engaging (a trend I see in general in regards to BL fandom is this seemingly need to watch like as many BL shows as possible even moving on as quickly as possible to the next show instead of sitting with the show and building a community around said show, the only exceptions I've really seen to this is kinnporsche and slightly love in the air & bad buddy)

I'm gonna break these things down further underneath the cut:

Parasocial Relationships

"Parasocial relationships are one-sided relationships, where one person extends emotional energy, interest and time, and the other party, the persona, is completely unaware of the other’s existence. Parasocial relationships are most common with celebrities, organizations (such as sports teams) or television stars." (source)

Gmmtv is really, really good at creating para-social relationships between the audience and their actors. How many people were willing to give Ray the benefit of the doubt and write sad woobie meta after one singular episode of Only Friends simply b/c Khao was playing the char? How many people were rooting for SandRay and TopMew simply b/c they liked FirstKhao and ForceBook?

Not everyone, obviously, but from my observations on tumblr, twitter, reddit, and youtube, a fuckton did this. Even unintentionally, I saw fans do this. Like ignoring Ray calling Sand a whore, or just...everything about the clusterfuck that was Top and Mew's relationship. Double standards were abound in Only Friends fandom when it came to how fandom treated chars like Mew, Ray and even Sand (especially Ray) in comparison to Boston. Not gonna get into that here - wait for the podcast episode to drop y'all - but it's an example.

Branded couples are gmmtv's bread and butter when it comes to their BL. They sell sticker sheets and postcard packets like these actors are kpop idols. The gmmtv house party thing or whatever trends on twitter. The studio directly encourages fans to grow attached to their actors specifically so they foster a para-social attachment so they can sell you the next six ForceBook, or OffGun or whoever show with the same or slightly different concept - this time they're in an office au! this time they're in a coffee shop au! - its just RPF at this point with extra steps. Not everyone~ obviously but a good chunk of people watched Dangerous Romance b/c they liked Perth and whoever his partner is. A lot of people checked out Cooking Crush b/c of OffGun.

I'm not saying this is a "bad" thing, one of the reasons I'm interested in watching Abigail is b/c of Melissa Barrera. So like I do get it, but as much as I enjoy Melissa her character in Abigail might be like, badly written. Who knows. I really enjoy Angie Jolie but lord knows she's had some awful roles and films.

Because of this emphasis on branded couples and para-social relationships, this effects the quality of the story b/c not every actor they pick for whichever show is the right actor. Earth was the wrong actor to play Jim in Moonlight Chicken, he just was. When Wen says he "likes old people" or someone makes a boomer joke about Jim I'm like that's a 29 yr old man. It takes me directly out of the story. It's no different than Jennifer Lawance playing a 40+ yr old woman in American Hustle at like 26. It's ridiculous.

Why NOT pair Mix up with an older actor who could also better play a world weary older man? Because it's not about The Story, it's about how much merch gmmtv can sell you or how many tickets they can sell to an EarthMix fan meet.

Palatable Brand/Easily Consumable

Gonna get myself in trouble, look gmmtv is a mix of Disney for gays and CW for gays. All the shows from gmmtv I've watched have 1) followed a very basic romance arc throughline, 2) been overall non-challenging in terms of narrative ideas or risks and 3) are straightforward in both film making style and narrative direction.

I have not watched every single gmmtv show nor will I cause again I am fucking lazy, but out of the ones I have watched this is how I feel about them.

Their shows tend to be about self-acceptance and romance. Which is FINE. I'm not saying this is a bad thing!! It's just boring after the 65th show about the subject. Especially when gmmtv doesn't care enough to cast actors that are right for the roles and give their crew a second light or five more nickels to the budget.

Sorry but 2gether is a poorly filmed show. 1000 Stars, imo, is thoroughly overhyped for how poorly paced it is, and how thin the actual story is (wait for the podcast ep on THAT lmao)

But these shows are comfortable and comforting. This is a neutral statement. You can like squeecore shows all you want I'm just saying that's part of the mass appeal of them. They're like the MCU films, they suggest the ideas of leftish politics just enough but don't really say anything further then that. And at times even enforce some harmful rhetoric - like the slut shaming in only friends and this ending to last twilight. They're just comfortable, easy shows that people can watch First and Khao in, enjoy their scenes, and then immediately move on to the next First and Khao show - hope they play street racers next! - without much of a thought.

Because these shows are pretty "safe" in terms of the depiction of queerness and sex it also makes them more palatable to mass recommend. When people make lists for what to show non-BL watches I usually see a lot of these "palatable" shows, stuff with straightforward romances, a couple kisses, fade-to-black sex. It's less based on genre preferences and more based on "what's the least scary thing we can recommend to folks". You see ppl do this with anime too. Everything gets lumped together under the sub-genre which is a shame (and also feels a bit xenophobic but I ain't getting into that).

But like, if I knew my friend was into fantasy gay shit I'd recommend them like, The Sign for live action, Drug and Drop for manga, Revolutionary Girl Utena for anime, Word of Honor and/or Legend of Yunze for (censored but still super gay) live action. I haven't read any fantasy bl/gl manwha yet so drop recs if y'all have some.

Accessibility

This one is pretty self-explanatory. We've seen how accessibility can increase a shows reach from Avatar getting a resurgence when it appeared on Netflix, where as, a show like Playboyy is gonna have a smaller reach since it's mainly available on streaming platforms like Gaga.

Consuming vs Engaging

gmmtv puts out the most Thai BLs period. This is just a fact of the industry. When you put out that much the quality of your media is going to go down - again we saw this with Disney regarding Star Wars and the MCU - because the goal is to sell merch not the stories. (Disney gets most of their sales via their parks and merch not their box office returns).

I see a lot of Big BL Blogs recommending gmmtv shows all the time, and I see a lot of these blogs and the fandom at large consuming these shows rather than engaging with said show. It becomes more of a challenge to watch 49 BLs, writing a quick meta post/review on them, and then moving on to the next one. There's a lack of higher end engagement, people aren't sitting with these shows and exploring the nooks of them. The empty spaces, the potential.

Probably b/c there's not a lot TO explore in regards to gmmtv shows, they all end pretty definitively. The couple goes through their couple journey, end up together, usually with marriage or an engagement, either way the promise of being together forever. Which is, again, fine, there's just not a lot of meat there to explore further.

This isn't specific to gmmtv shows - Domundi's shows come to mind regarding this too like Naughty Babe ends very definitively - but people just move on to the next one. They write episode-to-episode meta, end of show meta/recaps, make some gifs, move on to the next thing. It doesn't help that a lot of characters in gmmtv shows are thin and their worlds are empty.

But I think what attracts people is the constant churn of content. gmmtv shows are like tiktok videos, you scroll, watch, scroll to the next. Keep things quick and moving.

Where is the BL fanfic???

Moonlight Chicken only has 389 once you remove 1000 Stars, My School President, and Thai RPF works. Only Friends has 809 but only after also removing Only Friends RPF, Thai Actor RPF, 1000 Stars, The Eclipse, The Eclipse RPF, and Moonlight Chicken. 1000 Stars only has 292 once you remove similar crossovers (and a lot of RPF). My School President is down to 609 fics once you get rid of all the RPF and crossovers.

For comparison, kinnporsche has 11,444 fics even with all the RPF and crossovers removed.

I'm losing steam here at the end. These are a lot of thoughts, and I know they're not 100% articulate. These are just some general feelings and observations regarding gmmtv shows and fandom.

I'm NOT saying all~~~~ gmmtv show "bad" - though most I do think on a technical level are filmed very averagely with only MLC and Not Me breaking any molds - nor is anyone "wrong" or "bad" for liking idk Cooking Crush or Cherry Magic. I don't care like what you like bro.

I do think fandom overall overhypes gmmtv shows for a lot of factors - whether it's b/c they like the actors and feel that para-social pull towards them, or b/c they just like the squeecore comfort of these shows, or some mix of both - I think fandom would have an easier time if they just treated gmmtv shows are they are - average.

It's fine to be average and made for mass consumption. I like cheetos too dude. These shows don't have to be the peak of queer cinema to be valid, or for you to be "valid" for liking them. Why do any of us need to be "valid" in terms of the media we engage with? Who fucking cares? Like what you like, it doesn't have to be The Best Thing To Ever Gay for you to be valid for liking it. It doesn't have to "be important" either it can be gushers or twizzlers eat your snacks and enjoy life.

Just stop telling me it's a 4 star steak dinner or getting mad when you're charged 60 dollars for gushers.

[thatseventiesbitch]

Eric Defending Donna

A rabbit hole I went down for... reasons. Decided to share for funsies.

Season 2 -

In Eric Gets Suspended, Donna is smoking a cigarette on school property and when a teacher catches her, Eric says it's his. He is suspended as a result.

Mentioned in a diary entry that I think is meant to take place sometime in season 2 or 3 - Eric and Donna go to a dive bar to watch the superbowl, and a big, dumb guy starts hitting on Donna. Eric comes to her defense and asks the guy to step outside - while he and Donna slip out the side door (😂).

Season 3 -

At the end of the roller disco episode, Eric comes into the basement and starts whaling on Kelso (and the guys gleefully join in). He shouts, "Donna told me what you did, you dillhole!" Eric was hitting Kelso because he'd made a pass at Donna at the roller disco.

In the ice shack episode, Eric and Donna play the Newlywed Game vs. Jackie and Kelso. Through one of the questions, it is revealed that Donna's told Eric she hates her huge feet. He insists in front of everyone that he doesn't think they're big, and then pivots to insisting that big feet are actually a good thing (😂).

Eric also defended her after he pantsed her in the driveway and Hyde was teasing Donna and calling her Granny Panties. "So what if she wears big panties?" 😂🤣😭

Season 4 -

Eric believes Casey Kelso is manipulating Donna. He tells him not to let Donna believe he cares about her if it's not true, and to let her go rather than hurt her. When Casey disregards his words, Eric threatens to kick his ass (if he makes Donna cry).

He is also very protective of her after the incident with Casey Kelso at the Le Motel. He tells her that he thinks Casey's all wrong for her and that they're moving way too fast.

Season 5 -

When Bob enrolls Donna in the Catholic school, Eric 'marches' over to talk to Bob and try to convince him to let Donna stay at school with him/her friends. He brings a crumb cake to bribe him. He even says he is "prepared to fight this with every fiber of my being" - until he sees her uniform. 🤣

Eric's Grandma Bea is rude towards Donna, seeming to imply that Eric can and should find someone better to marry. While Eric initially enjoys the fact that someone thinks Donna's the lucky one and he's the catch, he eventually tells his grandma that she has got to give Donna a chance, and that if she does she will love her. (Though unfortunately it doesn't work, *lol*)

Jackie's upset with Eric and Donna for threatening to tell Kelso about her secret relationship with Hyde, so in a snappy moment she refers to Donna as a 'big red whore'. Eric tells her to watch what she says.

Season 6 -

When they have their pregnancy scare and their parents confront them in the living room, Donna has to ask him to step in (*lol*), but he does, and says, "Look, whether we're pregnant or not, Donna and I can run our own lives." Unfortunately the next sentence out of his mouth was... utter crap.

After Mitch takes Donna to his brother's wedding and then lied and embarrassed her in front of everybody, Eric was going to fight him. When Mitch tried to weasel out of it, Eric's response was "Donna was really nice to you and you humiliated her - I can't let you treat people like that."

Season 7 -

When Donna's boss at the radio station fires her for refusing to wear a bikini to promote her show, Eric backs her up. He even 'cusses out' her boss and then storms out, taking her with him! Then he comes up with a devious plan that ultimately helps Donna win her job back.

*Note: I purposely did not include the scene where Eric confronts David Millbank in season 1, because although Eric wanted to fight him for Donna, it wasn't on Donna's behalf but because of his own insecurity. And we know for a fact that Donna didn't like it.

[eventinelysplayground]

Entry three for @lorei-writes and @wordycheeseblob Wish Upon an Aide challenge. I have been having too much fun with these and have two more that are half done that I may or may not get done in time. This was inspired by the events at the end of Comtes chapter 9 and I used the red prompt love and the yellow one friendship. Language note for this fic: near the end Cat(Lumière) says Mais sacrifice which it's literal translation is but sacrifice however in Canadian french this is a swear with emphasis. The closest in English would be like oh FFS or uggh stupid SOB. Basically used when something/someone dumb and or annoying has aggrevated/pissed us off lol. Time consults his friends on what to do about Comte. Pure fun, WC approx 1045.

A Plan

It was a quiet afternoon as three friends sat talking in a dusty cellar.

I wish he would just tell her already.

Uh huh.

I mean he’s clearly in love with her and he's doing nothing about it at all! If he doesn't do something about it soon he's going to miss his chance.

Uh huh.

I mean there are ten other men in this house right? And between the Italian and the other two. Especially what's his name, the more obnoxious one!

Uh huh.

Arthur.

Arthur, that's it! I mean Arthur has no self control and is just a disaster waiting to happen.

Uh huh.

I don't understand why humans-

Vampires.

Ugh I don't understand why vampires have to be so guarded and flippant.

Uh huh.

Time turned to look at Harry who given the way he was replying was clearly off in his own little world again.

And the mansion is on fire.

Uh huh.

Oh for the love of, HARRY!

Time tossed a cork at Harry hitting him on the nose and startling him.

Oh Time, I'm sorry but ummm what were we talking about? I was thinking about-

Apples?

Eeep!

Harry let out a small sound of distress. He tilted his head up towards the voice and saw Cat sprawled out along a shelf.

Don't scare me like that! How long have you been up there anyways Cat?

Since before you both came in. I've even spoken before now, and also that's not my name.

Right, sorry about that.

Why apologize to him, Cat is what the Italian calls him so that's what his new name is. Not exactly a creative name or anything bu-

Ya because Time is sooo unique et spécial.

Écote toi-

That's enough!

Harry let out a loud chatter stepping into Time and Cat’s line of sight of each other.

Let's focus on the problem of ummm….

Cat rolled his eyes and Time sighed.

The problem of Comte being in love with that girl and doing nothing about it!

Right, okay well then umm…

Time sat patiently waiting for Harry to pull his thoughts together.

Well what's been done so far?

Well they spend an awful lot of time together, and the girl has made some small efforts but she seems confused, like she can't make up her mind.

She's perfect for him then!

Arrête ça.

Harry gave Cat a stern look. Cat let out a tiny meow and stretched out his front paws plopping his head down onto them before Harry turned his attention back to time.

Now then if they're already spending a lot of time together that's a good start. Let's see…

Does Comte even realize he loves this woman?

Well of course he does he's not…

Both Harry and Cat were giving Time a look and he stopped talking. He hated to admit it but perhaps they had a point.

I mean he has to know, doesn't he?

Not necessarily, he may be mistaking his feelings for something else..

That's a nice way of saying he's lying to himself.

Time tilted his head to the side in thought.

Why didn't I think of that before?

Harry shot Cat a look that clearly told him to keep his mouth shut.

Never mind about that right now, what we need to do in that case is make it clear to him what he's feeling.

Cat & Time both looked at Harry incredulously.

What? It's the truth.

Just how am I supposed to do that?

Well I…ummm…maybe you….I don't know. Surely the three of us can think of something though.

I don't remember volunteering to help.

You're here so you're helping, now think.

Time and Harry wore serious expressions on their faces while they tried to come up with any sort of idea. The three sat for a long time together, Time and Harry occasionally beginning a thought but then trailing off after apparently internally deciding it wouldn't work.

Sorry Time I really can't think of anything.

It's okay Harry I appreciate you trying to help me, maybe I'll just sneak out to the kennels later and ask Vic or King if they have any ideas.

Oh yes, asking those mutts will be soo helpful! All they care about is chasing their own.. Mais c'est ça!

Cat stretched and then jumped down from the shelf, coming to sit in front of a confused looking Time and Harry.

It’s almost too simple. All you need to do is get Comte to ‘chase’ her.

What?

Time and Harry spoke in unison and Cat tapped his paw on the ground in front of them.

You get him to ‘chase’ her. Put them in a situation together where lying to himself or not he realizes he could lose something valuable to him and so he can't help but go after it. In this place that should be simple enough non?

Oh I see! Thanks Cat I think I know just what to do now.

Ummm Time…

Harry started calling out to Time but it was too late as he had already scurried away.

I have a bad feeling about this.

Pour quois?

Didn't it seem like Time caught on to that way too quickly?

You worry too much.

Three days had passed since the conversation in the cellar and Cat was sleeping peacefully under a table in the hallway when he heard a sudden commotion.

“Squeak squeak!”

“Over there!”

“Time!”

“Squeak!”

“Ah no! I almost had him!”

Cat stretched out his paws and peered out from under the table.

Qu'est que passe?

Oh nothing really, just Time doing what you told him to do.

Cat startled slightly at Harry's unexpected presence.

What do you mean what-

At that moment Cat saw Time scurry past him with a pocket watch in his mouth.

“Time!”

“Squeak!”

“No matter how much you run, we will catch you eventually.”

Time, followed by Comte and Mitsuki disappeared around a corner.

Mais sacrifice!

I told you he caught on to that way too quickly.

I know…but maybe this could still work.

Harry tilted his head in thought for a moment then turned to look at Cat.

Hey, wanna follow them and see who wins?

Cat’s lips turned up in a smile.

Allons-y mon ami!

Harry smiled back at Cat before they both took off in a mad dash to see if Time could really make Comte realize just how deeply in love he had fallen.

[best-enemies]

Just watched S09E11 of CSI, 'The Grave Shift', after last night's 'One to Go'. I don't think I'll ever recover from Grissom, my favorite character, leaving the show, but his exit was still beautiful and so, so Grissom. Him just telling the team "Yeah so, I'm leaving" and having little moments with each of them, warmed my heart (the character that represented me the most was David, who had to bolt out of the room after Grissom said, "I'll miss you, though", barely managing to hold back the tears before leaving).

And oh my god. His reunion with Sara. They didn't even need words and it was absolutely perfect. Watching Grissom feel physical pain from his break up with Sara broke my heart -- you can see how much he loves her. I hate that they'll break up again; I don't remember how or why exactly, but it feels unnecessary, but I'm comforted by the fact that, ultimately, they'll end up together for the rest of their lives.

One of the things I love about this episode is how they all paid a little homage to Grissom and, near the end, Nick, who was offered Grissom's office, invited Greg and Riley to share it with him. Fits right in with Nick's sweet personality. I love how he says they need all the good energy from that place. He's really Grissom's n#1 pupil ♡

(Shout out to Hodges, one of my favorite characters from this rewatch, walking in and bringing the pig fetus saying it belongs there. I love how bitter he is after Grissom left and how he's not willing to get over it any time soon. Forget David, Hodges is the character that represented me the most, lol).

I need to say, my brain completely ignored the fact that, when Grissom offered Ray Langston a job as a CSI he said that it was an "entry-level job". Instead, I thought he'd get the job as the team leader and it was weird for me to see him being so inexperienced at a job. But all of that is because, one, I haven't rewatched CSI in ten years and forgot about like, 97% of the show and two, I have rewatched Hannibal way too many times and got used to Laurence Fishburne playing a boss, and a damn good one. I do like his character, though!

I'm not a fan of Riley though. I don't know why, she seems mostly competent at her job, fit right in, but at the same time it's not really like she fit in? I felt like maybe she could have had some adaptation into the team, after all she was replacing a long-time team member, Warrick (will talk about him later). Her introduction and adaptation into the team felt a bit sudden and "inorganic" and maybe that's why I don't love her sassy remarks and sort of 'cool girl' personality. Yeah I love Sara but I don't love Riley for the reasons listed above. That could change, though!

Warrick. Oh, man. For Gedda/For Warrick were the most painful episodes to watch and I stalled for months. Some of the team got to have a nice last moment with him, others didn't. It broke my heart how at peace he was in his last hours, hanging out with the work fam, feeling relieved for not losing his job, which was a huge part of his life. I do hate that it had to end like that for him. I get that his death represented the loss of innocence, and that that team wasn't going to last forever... but it's just really painful. To know that he didn't have anyone else, only his soon, which we don't know if he was able to see often...

Too many things happening at once, too many changes, and bumpy ones, but I hope we'll get into a smooth road once again.

[forcebookish]

thanks for the tag, @retiredficwriter!!

Make a poll with 5 of your favorite rarepairs/crackships. See which one is everyone's favorite!

PROPAGANDA UNDER THE CUT!

obviously, my favorite is kaibaek. i feel like i don't ship a lot of rarepairs so these were kind of hard to come up with after kaibaek and widowana fjdsljldg i might have forgotten a more obvious one, sorry!

tagging: @ariadnekurosaki @takeanumbrella @monwillica @sssneakiest and idk if it's my internet connection but tumblr isn't letting me tag anything else. if you wanna do it, do it and tag me! i wanna see your rarepairs :D

KAIBAEK

my exo otp and one of my ultimate OTPs. they had a bit of a rocky start and had a hard time getting close pre-debut, but once they did they now have a sincere trust for each other. they're caring and protective of one another: jongin (kai) running to baekhyun when he was injured, comforting each other when they cry (baekhyun following after jongin and holding his hand; jongin gently tugging at his ear), baekhyun leading jongin through the airport when he was sick, jongin drinking bitter juice for him in a batsu game (the reason i started shipping them), and so on. they've had to deal with a lot of similar situations wrt hate from fans (added to the group late, "overly" featured, dating scandals, etc.), as well as challenges with simply being in exo, superm, and sm in general. they admire each other, compliment and complement each other, and aspire to be as accomplished as each other; they support each other's solo careers and are always excited for each other. easily my favorite thing about them is why they're a rare pair in the first place, despite being in two groups together: their interactions, even the more affectionate ones, are rarely played up for fanservice. it's often little, private moments where they lean on each other or are affectionate in some other way. like THIS:

it's just so subtle and intimate? it's for no one but them. most of these kind of moments like the ones i've mentioned and others, can only be found on fancams! also they're really playful!!!!! i love them!!

WIDOWANA

my overwatch otp. friends (or lovers if you're delulu like me) to enemies to attempted killers. after thinking amélie (widowmaker) dead for a year, ana snipes her helmet on the battlefield, revealing who widowmaker actually is. once ana realizes it's her friend, she can't pull the trigger. ana, who never hesitates, hesitates for the first time, and widowmaker shoots her cybernetic eye out. they have an adversarial and competitive relationship now that they're both snipers on opposite ends of the war, trading barbs and pity for the other's situation. as the top two deadliest snipers in the world, they're kind of obsessed with one another and specifically outdoing each other. it provides a lot of tension and potential angst, especially of the "i know you're in there somewhere, come back to me" variety.

ISHINEMU

so rare even i don't talk about them (i tend to ship ishihime more, although even that is third after tatsuhime and ulquihime). SO much wasted potential! both of them have been wronged so acutely by mayuri and i think there are a lot of daddy issues to explore between the two of them. plus, uryuu seems to be literally the only person in the series who sees nemu as a person. shame their relationship, and mayuri medically torturing uryuu's grandfather AND the way he abuses nemu, was played for laughs later on lol good one, kubo :/

SHONEJING

jing is my name for him, he's a fusion of "force" who showed up in only boo! and that one guy in you fight, and i love (i'd use the nickname of what character from the novel he's supposed to be, but i couldn't find it lol). i have a fic in mind i wanna write for them and it would have been another entry into the hurt/comfort bingo, but it accidentally ended up too long. the headcanon is that jing is deeply closeted and shone is addicted to heartbreak.

TYLOKKA

idk i just like them. i think ty lee's crush on him is cute.

with a couple exceptions, i tend not to care about popular enemies to lovers ships but when it comes to rarepairs, apparently they're my preference? 🤔

[katareyoudrilling]

20 questions for fic writers

Thanks for tagging me @wheresarizona and @burntheedges !

1. how many works do you have on AO3?

0

2. what's your total AO3 word count?

0

3. what fandoms do you write for?

Pedro Pascal

4. top five fics by kudos

By tumblr notes I think my Sweepstakes fics are my most popular, followed by Jackpot Frankie

5. do you respond to comments?

Every single one! If I haven't responded to your comment/reblog, then something went wrong

6. what is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

I have not attempted angst (and probably never will) but my least traditionally happy ending is probably my Sweepstakes Dave epilogue. *I* think it’s a happy ending, but others may disagree.

7. what's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

They are all very happy, but the happiest is probably Construction Corner. They’re very settled and secure at the end of that one

8. do you get hate on fics?

I haven't yet

9. do you write smut?

Absolutely

10. craziest crossover:

I have discovered that I love sticking multiple Pedro boys into one fic (whether that counts as a crossover, I have no idea). It just makes me happy. I have one coming up that will be the craziest 😈

11. have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not that I know of

12. have you ever had a fic translated?

Not that I know of

13. have you ever co-written a fic before?

I have! It was a fun exercise

14. all time favorite ship?

I don't really have one, probably because my entry into fanfic was the Pedro verse that doesn't really do ships. I can be convinced of most ships if it's well written. I enjoy Din/Cobb when it crosses my dash.

15. what's a wip you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

I have stray ideas every so often that I doubt I will ever write. There isn't anything I'm currently working on that I don't believe I will finish.

16. what are your writing strengths?

I write concisely. I hope I can pull my readers into my stories effectively in only a few words.

17. what are your writing weaknesses?

I used to consider it a weakness that I am not wordy, but I've come to accept that it is my style and I should embrace it. Something I would like to work on, though, is more involved plotting.

18. thoughts on dialogue in another language?

I use other languages sparingly. When I use them, I prefer them to be able to be understood in-line from context without needing translation.

19. first fandom you wrote in?

Wrote in? Richard Ayoade (if a fandom exists, I didn't know what fanfic was yet lol) I never posted anything until Pedro.

20. favorite fic you've written?

That is very difficult. I love all my fics for different reasons. Construction Corner is my brain. All About the Bass is my heart. And Couples Getaway is my 🐱lol

No pressure tagging: @grogusmum @schnarfer @secretelephanttattoo @i-own-loki (I’ve seen this going around for a while so forgive me if you’ve already done it)

[luvrodite]

ok ok dad jason and his diary about his baby growing up…

he ends up treating it like a real diary and writes some pretty honest and intense things in there. talking about how he used this as a bridge to make up with dick, how no matter how scared he was that this was the first time he’s had hope in such a long time. that some nights he would let his fear of failure and being a parent get the best of him, and shed tears while whispering “i’m so sorry you’re mine” to the baby. that sometimes he feels SO helpless as he watches mom struggle to breastfeed and sob because she feels like she’s failing, too.

but these entries are sandwiched between moments where he writes about how baby smiled for the first time, and jason swears he never felt love like that before. that baby rolled over for the first time, lifted their head up on their own, learned how to clap and thinks sneezes are the funniest. that he watches mom lay on the floor and play with baby and finally feels complete.

he stops writing in the journal as consistently as the baby begins to toddle. he’ll write entries as he remembers, saying how much he misses baby while they’re at preschool/daycare. that they came home with sloppy hand turkey art for thanksgiving and he swears he’s never seen anything greater. but he starts to go months, years without writing. it eventually ends up forever untouched when baby reaches age 7, and shoved into a closet somewhere.

when the kid is a teenager, and deep in their teen angst where they hate everyone/everything, they have a chore to help sort out the hall closet. they find the journal and start reading through it, and never realized how much their father went through. i don’t think jason will ever be able to fully articulate feelings, and he never planned on telling their kid just how difficult his life was before, and especially not during those first few years of baby’s life and was still learning that he deserved a life like this.

jason comes home and finds them on the floor, poring through the worn journal. he stops in his tracks because he never really planned on giving the journal to his kid, and he honestly forgot about it. they have this heart to heart on the floor, talking through the tensions that had been building up between them in the past few months. a lot of teenage angst “well i’m sorry i ruined your life!” or “i bet you just wish i was never born!” sort of things, lots of twisting words and miscommunication. i’m team girl dad!jason, so for me it’s him and his 15 year old daughter talking, sitting against the wall, with her head on his shoulder. it’s the first time he is really transparent and open with her emotionally, talking about how having her truly changed his life, but it was never for the worse.

anyway it strengthens their relationship and she is unabashedly a daddy’s girl again, and life in the house feels a lot smoother. mom finds them sleepy against the wall after a long talk and lots of tears.

sorry this is so long LOL i spent my lunch doing this. maybe one day id turn it into a real fic who knows. anyway love u ro 💖

i love u ro thank u for sending this in i don't think i can add anything to this except to say that this version of dad jason is unfortunately so very me and my father except we did NOT talk about it lmao (i do love my baba very much though)

this breaks my heart in the best way i'm going to be thinking about this for a really long time

[squarebracketsmileyface]

HELLO, HELLO, HELLOO I come bearing another song that reminds me of Sorry, its locked. This one is... really sad though. Unlike the last one I sent, this one isn't an upbeat song. It's slow and really raw with emotions I suppose. I can't help but think of Jay with this song and his complex relationship with Alex and Tim. I was a fool to love. -By Frank Watkinson (Ps. I've cried two or three times relistening to this song.)

God, old people singing about love is always either the most heart warming or heart wrenching thing ever lol. This song is so sweet and so sad and so Jay.

His relationships are so complex and none of them are long term, for so many reasons (this guy's never had a long term relationship in his life. God that's gotta hurt and make him feel like there's something wrong with him —which there is. But y'know. That's not a nice thing to realise about yourself lol—) y'know, Alex leaving him for Amy, jay dying, those definitely cut his relationship short.

Even if Jay didn't die, though, fearing for their lives is the glue that holds his and Tim's relationship together, they need each other to survive currently. Their relationship was built under massive stress, and without the stress the pressure inside the relationship will make it burst apart from the inside. Like when you bring a deep sea fish too the surface and their cells explode. Once Tim and Jay no longer have bigger things to worry about, all the things that are wrong with their relationship (unfortunately wrong with Jay, and Tim keeps trying to fix him but can't) will come to the surface and be the new thing they focus on, and it'd tear them apart.

Rambling.

SONG

Song Jaylex ARRARRARRARRARRARA. Jay still being in love with Alex even though he has Tim now, he didn't realise his feelings could persist for this long. Like, it's been YEARS since he and Alex were together(ish) in university, but he still cares about Alex enough to try and save him, still loves Alex even though he has Tim now and that relationship is a lot more healthy.

"I never realised that one could live such A lie for so long, it was so wrong" :( Jaylex in uni :( they both lived a lie. Both of them hid their feelings from each other as much as they could, Alex didn't tell Jay he was hurting him, jay didn't tell Alex he was hurting him. God they were a MESS

"i thought you were my friend, I thought you'd stay until the end" like, just, this just fits. Because even though physically both Tim and Alex stayed until the very end (in a way), emotionally/mentally jay was alone in his last moments. He didn't have Tim there to comfort him, and he didn't want Alex there comforting him. He'd been with Tim minutes before (in my version of events lol) and they'd split up to search for Alex, Tim had been so close by all the way until the end, and yet he wasn't close enough to save Jay, only close enough to hear the gunshot while he was back at his car. Jay was so alone in the moment of his death.

"my heart doesn't want to let you go, but my head says it's for the best" :( ow Jay about Alex, Tim about Jay, Alex about Jay. Everyone about everyone :(

Also "my emotions are all a mess" Jay in entry 80. Alex is gonna shoot him, and then Alex will also be the one to comfort and hold him as he does, and Jay hates that it's not Tim, but at the same time he's so glad that Alex is holding him one more time and he just doesn't know how to feel :(