#i have really awful memory and need to start keeping track of things

[soraviie]

chasing after you.txt

━ type: bts x f! reader ━ navigation

━ about: dynamics in order: Joon - one-night stand + enemies to lovers, Yoongi - neighbours with a bit of a bad boy influence, Jin - sort of arranged marriage au, Hoseok - exes to lovers, Jimin - sugar daddy/fake dating au, Taehyung - tease x anger issues/clingy + tsundere/f2l, Jungkook - bodyguard x ward

━ pictures taken from Pinterest

━ previously posted on soraviii

NAMJOON: "Aw, fuck, who invited that guy?" you growled, whilst rolling your eyes at the corner where Namjoon had been so precariously sat like an asshole. You hated everything about him - the smug smile, the cocky tone of his voice, the winks he threw your way. Kim Namjoon was nothing but a sure way to get your blood pressure up and stay that way all through the night.

"Probably one of his fri- Shit! He's coming this way!" as your friend dipped over the bar and away into the crowd, courageous as ever, you snatched your drink partially pondering about throwing it into his face.

"You look lonely," he cooed with that shit-eating grin that you had wanted to smack away since the first meeting. And maybe to kiss but he didn't need to know that. "Why don't I keep you company?"

"Keep company with your left hand like you usually do," you yelled over the music.

"Well it does pair well with certain memories of you," he smirked and you groaned in disgust.

A misguided February 14th evening could lead to many foul things - unexpected pregnancy, STDs, Kim Namjoon having the delusional idea that you liked him.

Frankly, you'd rather endure a yeast infection than have this 6 feet fuckboy in the disguise of a pacifistic art lover keep chasing you every night out. More than once you wanted to slap your younger self only to come to their defence over and over again.

Namjoon was big. Big man. Big muscles. Big...well you get it.

And that may have made you a little bit stupid once! But not twice.

Yes.

"I can't stand you," you sneered at him with the most contempt you could possibly muster

"Sit on my lap then, baby."

You took a long swig to finish your drink, sliding it across the bartop and walking backwards, you levelled him down with a:

"You'd only cream your jeans, caveman."

"That's possible," he reckoned with a soft smile watching you mingle with the dancing crowd.

And for a while, it all went well, you'd find someone to at least waste some time with only for them to suddenly start sprinting away for their lives. You frowned after them, coming to a screeching halt in the fun.

Did your breath smell or something?

Taken with dancing, you hadn't noticed the broad-chested giant charging forth, smoke practically fuming from his nostril as his eyes glinted devilishly when tracking down the opponent. As the music changed, you found your waist circled by a shovel-sized palm.

"You really have no luck out here. You keep on being stuck with lil' old me," he whispered in your ear, causing long trails of goosebumps where his breath landed and you elbowed him, hard, in the gut.

He didn't even seem to mind.

"I don't know who you think you are Kim Namjoon but I will never-!"

"Oh, how you hate me," he lets out a burst of raspy laughter, head thrown back on the pillow, pulling you closer as much as he can despite you both being considerably sweaty.

"S-shut up," you grunt back, thighs aching but just a little bit more and you'll be in your happy place even if it was with this obnoxious gym rat. "You're just a cock on legs to me."

"Oh, for sure," he smirks and then prompts himself upwards to bite on your neck. "But you might think of screaming a tad quieter if you want to be really convincing."

It's a sick sense of deja-vu to wake up sore and aching all over in a sun-filled room overstuffed with cacti and a very soft blanket. The bed was empty and as you clamber to the toilet wearing a shirt found on the floor, struggling to walk, you stumble upon him in the kitchen - Cheshire grin spread all over his lips.

"Good morning," Namjoon greets. "You want some eggs, babe?"

YOONGI: His eyes track your movement as though it's dazed him and it's in moments like these you wish he was a criminal or something, a certified member of a mafia. A flag touch redder.

Stay away from Min Yoongi, they said, he's trouble but what to do when he doesn't stay away from you?

"So a kitten does come out to play," he purrs pressing one of those veiny palms against the elevator doors, halting it in its tracks and climbing in. You roll your eyes and straighten your back to appear more threatening. Yoongi, of course, couldn't give less of a shit.

"You're one to speak," you counter. "The most walking you do is through your apartment. It's like a herd of elephants."

"Well then don't listen in on what I do, you little pervert," he smirks, pressing the 8 on the elevator and it jerkily moves through the floors, reminding you once again to be grateful for life.

"Give it here," without waiting for a reply, he grabs the hold of your bags and goes straight to your apartment doors. Once inside he makes himself right at home, rolling up the sleeves of his shirt.

"What are we eating?" he questions gruffly, examining the produce with no small amount of judgment.

"You're speaking French now?" you push him away, relinquishing the rightful ownership of a pair of avocados you bought. "Whose "we"?"

He doesn't bother gracing it with a comment as anyhow a doorbell rings and you see his tongue poke against the cheek.

"Who the hell are you?" he questions sharply and you peer into the doorway.

"Oh, hello," you greet your coworker with a reserved smile. "What are you doing here?"

"Yeah, what are you doing here?" Yoongi echoes, placing his hand above your head and on the very edge of the door.

"Just interested if you're going to the uh... team bonding activities," he replies, fretfully glancing at Yoongi.

"Ignore him, I do," you smirk up at Yoongi. "And-"

"She has plans," Yoongi interrupts, pushing you back into the kitchen with his palm against your back.

"Oh, okay," your coworker stutters awkwardly, trying to lean in somehow. "See you around?"

"No," Yoongi cheerfully replies and smacks the door right into his face.

"You're such a dick," you groan.

"Did you have plans?" he asks with a teasing lilt, voice dropping nearly an octave lower. "And are you going to lie that it wasn't with me?"

"My jumbo-sized Charmander plushie and I are doing well on our own," you point at him with a packet of tomatoes. "Where you fit into the equation is a mystery."

"I'll tell you where I can fit," he laughed, wagging his eyebrows.

"No, no, goodbye," you wrinkle your nose in disgust, pushing his still laughing back out of the door. "Leave."

"Wait, what if I need some sugar?" he objects and you furrow your eyebrows, glaring up at him in suspicion.

"Do you?"

"No," he shrugs carelessly. "But what if."

"Begone, demon," you push against him harder but he seems to only enjoy it.

"Come to my game. It's right across the street in that park. I need a good luck charm."

"Will you be throwing a ball in your face? If no, then I'm not interested."

As you slam the door shut there still comes a raspy whine.

"Come on, short ass, come."

And if you do happen to drop by the nearest park with its shitty basketball court it's because you have nothing better to do and you needed some ice cream. Yoongi, uncharacteristically brazen for him, smirks at then winks in the middle of the game.

And promptly receives a ball to the face.

JIN: "Eat more garlic!"

"Straighten your hair with an iron!"

"Belch really, really loudly!"

You try to recall all of your friends' sage advice whilst pacifying your nerves. Being late nearly an hour didn't sit well with you but this guy was...determined. Insanely determined. So the ends justify the means.

When at last you arrive at the three Michelin star restaurant it's an hour later than what your family had set and you're wearing sweatpants and a t-shirt. Your face may burn with shame at such a display but certainly, this would beat this broad-shouldered man off the path. This was beyond and above rude. You're already prepared to be yelled at, scorned and insulted but Seokjin merely blooms into an eager smile. Doesn't even blink twice at your choice of wear.

He dismisses the host with a polite nod and pulls a chair out.

"Hello, _________," he greets innocently. "Traffic is hell, right."

There was no traffic and he knew it only making excuses to achieve whatever nefarious goal he had set out to.

"Just give him a chance," your mother pleaded over the phone. "He's been asking about you forever. Please, he's rich and handsome, what's not to like."

What's not to like? Well, probably something. Kim Seokjin in your mind had always stood as that annoying guy who'd dropped a water bomb on your head when you were about to take the most glorious profile picture ever. Spinning in overlapping social circles, you'd seen too much of him growing up and had to endure several of your friends flailing over him especially when the pool season began. He was like a jar of honey to their fly status. And as such only a tar in your own pot of sweetness.

He was old. You had not exactly a criminal age difference but still more than 2 years. He was a creep, you firmly plant that idea into the recesses of your mind.

Why oh why, was he so insistent on asking about you?

"Good idea," he praises, pointing at your outfit. "It's best to be comfortable. I should have done that as well, this is quite uncomfortable," he waves a disappointed hand over the blue three-piece suit.

The waiter along with the menu serves you a freshly plucked side eye.

"Yeah, that's why I did it," dryly you mutter back, hiding behind the menu.

Think, think, think, what else turns off snooty men?

"Fucking shit," you cry out to your own amazement. "These prices are ridiculous. I'm not paying for this!"

"That's fine," Jin shrugs with that seemingly permanently etched expression of a tender smile. "I invited you here, I'll pay."

You groan.

"I'll fart," you threaten.

He shrugs and gracefully pours you a glass of wine.

"Everyone does that. It's a part of life."

You slobber your dinner up like a beast.

"Hmm, you're making the meal look more delicious," he nods.

And not even when you "accidentally" spill a mango sauce on his pants worth more than your apartment, does he weigh the thought of becoming angry in his mind.

"Ah, it's a perfect colour now," he merely congratulates with a jubilant cry and you let your head fall on the table with a thud, only it hits his palm as he had stretched it out at the last second.

"Are you insane?" you breathe out in sheer desperation. "Why are you not running over the hills?"

"Do you really think I can't see that you're doing this on purpose?" he smirks in amusement, over the rim of the wine glass. "We've known each other for a while, I know you better than that."

"Exactly!" you yell before falling into a hush as numerous daggers shoot your way. "You know me! As the annoying friend of your cousin! Why are you asking after me all of a sudden?! What joke are you playing?"

"Well, first of all," Jin corrects all too self-congratulatory. "I've never thought you were annoying. Maybe except when you were like 14 but who isn't the worst person in the world at that age? And secondly," his ears abruptly turn quite pink and he lets the wine glass rest on the table, nervously fiddling with its stem. "I asked for you because as you may know your mother is quite eagerly seeking various wedlock opportunities. For you specifically."

That makes you groan only louder.

"Don't remind me. So, so what? You want to get married to me?" you snort at the idea but then, for the first time ever, Jin is not laughing.

"Yes," he says dead serious.

"Wait, is this a prank?" you glance all around in an attempt to find the hidden cameras. "Are you pulling my leg?"

"I'm pulling no legs. What a weird thing to do," Jin muses and you narrow him down.

"Don't joke. It's not funny. Say "got you" or something. You can't be serious?!"

"Listen, ___________, I've liked you for a while now. I wanted to ask you before you began university but then you brought Jae home and..."

"Jae? Jin, that was...that was five years ago! You couldn't have liked me for five years?"

He averts his eyes and sips on his champagne. Even his neck is red.

"Five years?" you cry out. "And you kept quiet?!"

"Well, I told you now!" he objects with some indignation but even more of a burning shame. "All you need to do is to decide what you're going to do. 'Cause I'll accept you as you are, belching, sweatpant wearing and all. Even if you straighten your hair with an iron."

For a second you sit still and stupefied on this ridiculously over-padded chair ad then you feel yourself match the heat blooming on his face.

"You know Giulia?" you ask, downing the entire wine while desperately trying not to smile at the soft amusement in his eyes.

"Of course, I know Giulia," Jin chuckles self-consciously. "Who do you think gave me the genius advice of this stuffy suit?"

HOSEOK: You should have known from the start that this would lead to nothing good. What else could wait for you at the end of the nondescript hallways of conference rooms? One thing you didn't expect however was the loathsome face of your ex-boyfriend. Hoseok was sitting already by the table, beautiful as ever, leg nervously bouncing against the floor and treacherously a click of a lock snapping in its place echoes behind you.

He springs up from the seat, nervously glancing at where you tried to somehow break through the door. Or the wall, whichever came first.

"Oh, hell no," you growled, nails scraping against the doorknob. The betraying Brutus of a friend he had bribed to text you to come here will find an egg on their window for sure.

"_____________, please, let's just talk," he pleads. "Just let...let me explain."

"I don't want to hear any explanation," you hissed, turning to glare at him. From the way his eyebrows sloped, you could tell he was deadset serious but then it comes too clearly back into your mind.

That you were weird, not his type, that he doesn't understand you. But instead of simply crying about it you left. To cry about it in your own space. And also then turn incredibly bitter over it.

"I just meant that..."

"That I'm a freak? Yeah, I got it," you snarled before yanking harder on the knob. "Open the damn door!"

"No. If you're going to leave then please do the courtesy of letting me memorize your face."

You close your eyes, steeling your resolve. Don't give in, you reminded yourself, not after a whole year of hunkering through yet another heartbreak. Hoseok was just like the rest. Taking weirdness in all the things you liked, that you were. Why should you ever change for anyone else?

"It's been a year," you note sternly, having slid on the floor. He's also there, watching away from the small distance with a crease of a frown between his brows.

"Exactly. This year was one of the worst I've ever had," he confesses, supposedly earnestly. "I admit the things that I said were wrong but I did not mean it like that!"

"________________ is just a bit weird. You know the people I used to date, there's a bit of a difference, softly said," you quote him word for word. "And you said that to someone else! You opened your mouth, said that shit and thought it was okay!"

The sun behind the window had nearly slipped over the horizon and the office space was illuminated with a soft orange glow.

"You know the first time I met you, that was a lie," he mutters into the air. No one had come to open the door despite you nearly beating it off the hinges.

"Oh, that too was a lie, wonderful," you groaned, rolling your eyes but Hoseok remains sitting sadly by, occasionally passively twirling his shoe laces.

"I actually went past you on the street. Remember the crossroad by that small confectionery?"

You did remember. You lived right above it for a while, making your hair smell perpetually of candy for half a year.

"I...I got lost around there and walked past you, and you were sort of listening to your headphones, not looking around. I remember," he chuckled as though taken by an old memory. "You wore that knitted jumper that kept falling off your shoulder, the faded beige one and I just...I was so jealous of you, you were so carefree."

You glanced at him surprised. As far as you knew the first time Hoseok and you met was at a graduation gathering, a friend of a friend sort of a situation. And as you sat there, enjoying your barbecue by the side, wondering whether to dip your ketchup-stained hand in some weed brownies, he came up to you with the brightest smile, talking as though he knew you. Guess he did then know you.

"And the next day I went there again. I didn't even know why but I just did and you were there again. And I kept returning," he smiled at the ground but it quickly vanished. "Every day for a month before I met you at that gathering. Sometimes you were there, a lot of times - not but when you did it lit up my entire day. I didn't know how to approach you though, it's not a thing you do in the middle of the street, you know?"

"No," you affirm faintly.

"And when you left..." Hoseok winced at the mere mention of it. "I still kept going back," his breath was nothing more than a whisper stained with regret. The look in his eyes was downright depressing and you wondered if he had roamed around bearing the same heavy chip that you had. "And our favourite cafe. And your favourite park spot. I was there like...like a ghost lingering in your presence."

"But why did you say then that I was weird?" you sniffled, letting, for the joke of your own mental stability, some of that defence down. Attempting to look at Hoseok without the veil of contempt you've draped over him for a year. Dragging yourself back from hell was hard, dragging yourself from hell when thrust there by the one person you thought wouldn't do that - even harder. But by peeling off at least one cover, you saw many wonderful memories behind it, as slightly tainted as they were.

"I don't know," he groaned, hiding his face in the palm of his hands. "I was stupid. I meant in my heart that you were unlike anyone I've been with before. Not bad but different. And, yes, sometimes I don't understand you but I want to," he rouses to look into your eyes across the room. "I want to. And even if I never fully understand, I would like to make you feel heard and stand by your side nonetheless."

You stare into the sun to avoid crying. Stupid thought as no one ever stared into this glowing orb of light hanging in the sky in order to not get misty-eyed.

"What I said there was, I admit, crass. I was scared because I...with you I don't want to leave. I don't want to call quits when it becomes uncomfortable or becomes uneasy, I want us to grow together. And that scares me because, for the first time, I can really truly get hurt," he exhaled a heavy sigh, voice growing strained. "So when you left, no explanation, just gone in the wind..." he glimpsed over the horizon. "Anyway, I recognise me cornering you like this is wrong but...if you ran away because you felt unloved, I just wanted to show that I'd be chasing after."

Hoseok wiped at his eyes and briskly got up.

"But if you didn't and don't want me, I'll open the doors," from the pocket of his jeans, he fished out a glinting silver key. "I really just wanted to memorize you for as long as I could. I'm sorry."

He opens the doors and you called out -

"Hoseok!"

JIMIN: The phone kept ringing. You'd put it on mute but even so the bright light of the flashing screen stirred you awake and after a brief wrangle of putting the chip bowl actually on the table nearby, kicking your leg free from the grasp of the blanket, you simply watched it ring. After eventually growing into silence, it went to the 45 unanswered calls like the rest. You sighed turned to your side and slid the eye mask over the face, trying to somehow coerce yourself into immediate and indisputable slumber.

This was just the outward manifestation of his bruised ego, nothing more. You don't think anyone had ever rejected Park Jimin so this must be a new, unfamiliar feeling, one he'll get over in time and then maybe even laugh about it years down the line.

I mean, come on, you thought to yourself cutting the words like bloodied post-it notes in your own mind. There's no such thing as a rich handsome guy genuinely falling for someone so...

The disgusting words sprung too freely on the tip of your tongue so you settle for normal. To not at least give into self-hatred so easy. Such was the plot of romantic dramas and fantasies hence why it was fiction. Rich, beautiful people went for other rich beautiful people, normal folks went for normal folks. Dogs did not mix with chickens or pandas with capybaras. It was simply nonsense.

But as you close your eyes, the memories make it harder to be as clinically objective. All too well, you remember. His hands on your face, grasping as though he feared you would leave.

"Why don't you ever believe me?" he asked with heated desperation. "Nothing I say is ever good enough. Nothing is trustworthy!"

You tried to pry him gently away.

"Because how can I believe you? Look at yourself and look at me. This is not even opposites it's...unfathomables!"

You wished partially that he'd go to the good old Mr Park of the beginning, one who'd walked up to you in a cafe and asked if for a fair amount of money you'd be willing to answer his phone and pretend to be his girlfriend. And since the sum he called out was the rate of an onerous monthly rent, you'd plastered the sweetest voice you could in a matter of seconds with no questions asked.

When thinking of all the troubles when he approached you again, completely by accident, you had thought to yourself jail, assault, violence, even cannibalism for good measure, who knew what kind of sicko this stranger could be, but never you considered you'd be scared by the simple fact that he was in love with you. He had been cold, rude and brusque at the start and you had been fine with that, your "job" was to sometimes go to family dinners and lie which while not moral was not a crime.

Only then he invited to accompany him to his office, then to trips, then to movies and then one day you wake up in your bed and Mr Park, once a cold and resigned man, drenched in his own riches, is now making pancakes on your old stovetop and smiles the kindest smile you'd ever seen and asks if you slept well.

How could it not be a scary sight?

"I love you!" he shook you by the shoulders, not hard enough to hurt but as if trying to shake the bad thoughts out. "But you hate yourself! And you never listen!"

"They'll think I'm a gold-digger!" you cried. Just looking around his apartment made you sick. You couldn't even afford his carpet. How could he love someone with whom he shared so little with? He had never known the feeling of counting one's last money to afford bread or not buying something out of impulse. And you had never known the etiquette of polite brutality, of caring about who sits where because one word spoken at the wrong crowd table could destroy your entire livelihood. Love didn't change two profoundly different experiences.

"They don't think that!" he argued. "My parents wanted me to be with someone-"

"Poor?" you interrupted finally wrenching yourself free. Why was he so cruelly saying these things? He will just make you love him and then dump you with nary concern. Like others and then in time you will always think that you should have known better. Should have gotten rid of those rose-tinted glasses sooner not when they're smashed in shatters on the cold concrete.

"No!" Jimin immediately counters. "Of a different social circle! And even if they did, I don't care!"

"But the press-!"

"I don't care!"

"The rest of your relatives and friends-!"

"I don't care!" he yelled back, ripping at his hair, faint tears lingering in his eyes. "What will it take for you to believe me?! Please, why don't you believe me?"

"I can't!" you shrieked back in a sob. "Because better you not love me at all than fall out of it after some time! I don't want to be loved! I don't want to trust! I just want to be alone!"

Alone is what you were now but it felt no better.

"It will," you calmed yourself aloud. "Give it some time and your life will return to how it was."

Boring. Monotone. A single actor performing the most dreadful play to an audience of no spectators. You sniffled punching the pillow. Stupid Park Jimin waltzing into your life and making you think you were not the person you saw in your mind. That you were better. But how can you be when you're always "you"? A nameless face in the crowd, a cog in the machine.

No one, really.

As a sudden hand wraps around your waist, you scream and nearly punch the lights out of the affectionate attacker before in the faint streetlight streaming through the windows you recognized Jimin's eyes.

"How did you get in here?" you rustled in indignation.

"I had a key made. Remember? So I could greet you at home after work," he explained sternly.

"Well, you can't be here now-" you tried to argue, even push him out if needed, but he grasped at your legs and wrestled you to sit atop of him. You always fretted you were too heavy but he never objected.

"I'll leave if you order me to leave. Say those exact words: "Jimin, I want you to leave and never return back."

"I want to be alone," you muttered out of force of habit playing with the neck of his shirt.

"It's not the same," he cupped your cheek. "Until you tell me to piss off in my face, I'll keep chasing you every time you run. You think no one would? I will. Over and over again."

Your lip wobbled.

"It's ungrateful work," you breathed as he tugged you closer into a hug, gently swaying from left to right.

"Not to me."

TAEHYUNG: It takes thirty minutes for your aunt, a known stick in the mud, to go from screaming why was there a whole ass adult man traipsing in the apartment her niece should keep an eye on, to peacefully discussing the best nut selection over the kitchen table with eagerly listening Taehyung on the other side.

You were 35% convinced he knew how to do magic, and 65% convinced he was magic. And if he feasibly could he would live in your asshole. And the worst of all you can't get rid of him.

Well no, the worst of all you don't want to.

Coming from a rough environment, no matter how you slice or dice it, that leaves its own impression upon the mind. Yours being - people leave, people lie, people bad. It was easy to go through life, more than two decades of them in selective solitude, having friends but never letting them too close in and soon after they would stop even being friends. It was easy and predictable and while no one cared for you, you had to care for no one, could go where you wanted, how and when you wanted and fully enjoy doing what you liked.

And then this curly-headed now human reincarnated tiger-bear hybrid showed up. Literally dropping out of nowhere whilst still in university, pointing a finger of his frankly too large of a hand at you and then basically saying: "I want that one, that one's mine". Actually no, he did say exactly those words as you remember faintly chucking a dictionary of law at his head, thinking he'll abduct you or something.

And that's how six years later you were moved in. And he had invaded every part of your life, with his kind words, sopping eyes and chiselled chin.

As Taehyung slowly drifted to sleep, eyes falling heavier, his hand is intertwined with yours. And as you'll go to sleep yourself, despite him having his own bed, inexplicably you'll wake up with his breath against the back of your head.

Which was strange you know. You don't even remember agreeing to be friends with him. But steady as a clockwork, lo' and behold, at two in the morning, Taehyung's thigh squirms in between yours and he sighs in content.

Bizarre to say the least.

"Hey, where are you going?" he asks in wonder, poking his very shirtless body through the crack in the bathroom doors, toothbrush hanging from the corner of his mouth.

"Out?"

"Wait, lemme comme with."

"Can I go out on my own? As the big girl that I am?" you huffed dryly, brows furrowed.

"No," he replied with a smile. Then you walk side by side you glare at your hands, swaying together in the warm air.

"A crazy question, one I'm just putting out there, will you ever...leave?" you ask with a faint frown. There might just be this...supposition, guesswork if you will, in your mind that it might just be that somehow you're...Taehyung's partner now.

"Hmm," he makes an act of pondering it out. "No, no, I don't think I will. Unless you kick me out."

Kick him out. Why didn't you? When previous lovers threw fits about Taehyung always being near, you parted with them with nary of guilt because they were...not your rock. Your rock and safe space had become this strange, occasionally vampiric-looking, a cardigan-loving friend of yours. But he never vocalized it. Or so you thought. He was always teasing you about being hard of emotional hearing, now that you thought about it.

You halted in the middle of the sidewalk and he turns to glimpse at you, curious.

"Taehyung...are you...in love with me?"

Astonishingly, he bursts into a peal of laughter.

"I have been for years now," he chuckles light-heartedly. "Though thank you for finally noticing."

"Wh-why didn't you say something? Anything?"

An expression of deep fondness settles on his face and it warms you like the late summer sun.

"I say "I love you" every day, dumbass. I've chased after you for like six years now. Oh, god," he gasps, sounding suddenly absolutely horrified. "Six years of my life wasted chasing after your stupid head. Oh, I'm an idiot."

"So a moron for a moron, a match made in lower intelligence," you grumble and he snorts at it, crossing the distance once more. When he takes your hand it feels weird for a second. But only for one. You ask yourself what will change and realize - not much.

"That we are Mrs Kim," he coos with a broad grin. "Great! Now I can show you the plans for our shared tombstone I sketched back in the university!"

JUNGKOOK: "He's...will he be staring like that for the entire evening?" your friend asks timidly, voice nearly overshadowed even by the pleasant music of the brunch place. You glimpse over your shoulder to find him aimlessly lounging around. When meeting your gaze, his lips, almost involuntary, spread into a wide grin as his nose scrunches in a manner that is inappropriate for any self-respecting bodyguard. He at least gathers that and sobers with a stern cough.

"Yeah, he's just...my...finance manager," lamely, you trail off but at least they believe it. Considering the last three months it wasn't that believable.

"In a twist of miraculous fate, a poor vintage boutique worker becomes the sole inheritor of the Durhanan Estate," she quotes with a mysterious smile and you squirm awkwardly as you always did when it was bought up. Six years of lawsuits had rendered the luck into a frenzied fever dream one you thought would never come to fruition. Even when the final decision was laid to rest and the lawyers of your great-grandfather popped their champagnes with cheery eyes it all felt so distant. Like a different life. That feeling, you find out, never left.

"Yeah, it's...crazy," you chuckled self-consciously.

"So is the old house haunted?" she questions leaning over the table with keen interest, though every once in a while her gaze does stray worryingly to where Jungkook was standing.

"It's just creepy. It's big...and old," you confess perhaps colouring it with hues too bold, knowing only the answer such as this would satisfy her interest. It was old and entirely too big (who needed thirty-four rooms) but with Jungkook it was less lonely, less of a ghost house and more of a...

No, it's stupid, don't say it, you think to yourself.

"So now that you're rich," she throws a not-so-small of judgemental look over the crystal glass of mimosa. "Will you be forgetting all about us?"

"No," you assure her. "This means nothing. It's just a change of...housing."

But she only scoffs in reply. You think you might not have your best friend much longer.

"You look unhappy," Jungkook reckons quietly, whilst driving back to the Durhanan estate. A nearly 300-year chateau hidden within an unnamed forest deep in the countryside. Once the chief story of the local children's ghost tales and now - your home.

Of sorts.

"I'm just tired," you deny, peering into the rolling landscape of the wilting greenery. A rougher hand suddenly rests atop of yours, stopping them from ripping the skin around the fingernails. Your face swelters with heat and you gently remove his palm.

You were his boss and this was...this was not appropriate.

But Jungkook has other ideas and despite there being thirty-four rooms and whooping nine acres of gardens there's hardly any escape from him.

"My lady, oh, my lady," he calls across the gravel path leading down into the overgrown, ivy-ridden paths. He runs up to you and then gently tucks the bloom of one of the wild roses ravaging the grounds behind your ear. He tries to suppress the smirk on his face and narrows his eyes against the glaring sun.

"You're...you," he stutters. "You doing anything special, tonight?"

You don't quite know why but that question, posed so innocently and presumably out of a need to start a conversation, makes you laugh. It was only you two here, no wifi, piss-poor electricity and the nearest town, a village actually, was thirty-minute drive away and the only thing interesting there was a two-room corner shop.

"Wondering whether we're going to be killed by demons, yes," you laughed lightly.

"I was just wondering whether we could bust out the old reliable solitaire in the library?"

You sigh but it falls more endeared than annoyed.

"Jungkook, stop trying to seduce me."

At first, his face seems to be crestfallen only for a cheeky smirk to appear.

"Trying?" he echoed and slightly leaned into you. A gust of sharp wind broke through the gardens and in sync you glanced at the sky above your heads. A cluster of dark clouds was gathering in the south.

"Let's go in," he urges softly but his body standing behind you flames your back.

A thunder was ripping outside like something crazy, rattling the panes of the window so hard you fretted they would shatter at some point. And the house screamed. Every breeze of the wind seemed to tear into the old floorboards as though they were alive.

Ghosts are not real, ghosts are not real, ghosts are not-

BOOM! BOOM! BOOM!

You screamed your lungs out, lunging towards the golden candelabra perched on the bedside table.

"You're alright? Are you okay?" Jungkook's voice swims through the dark and you exhale in loud relief.

"Do not! Scare me like that!"

After a moment and a creak of the old floor comes a bashful.

"Sorry."

Another crack of lightning. In the brief flash, you see him standing, unsure but not leaving. It was a bodyguard's duty to protect and he always took his duty quite seriously. Even if this duty was simply to protect you from any unwanted journalists and stalkers where there was none leaving him practically with nothing to do.

"Should I stay here? Protect you...from the storm?"

You raise an eyebrow.

"The storm? That is-"

CRACK!

"Yes, please and thank you," you whimper and not even a second later, the side of your bed dips.

Crickets might as well be chirping at the moment.

"Do you want to hold my hand?" he offers, sweetly, oh so sweetly as if he wasn't a little demon wearing a cheap halo. But still, the house continues its wail. How many lives had been lost in these walls? What stories did they tell?

You didn't want to know and so you agree but as he takes your palm, your hand lands on a very firm set of muscles.

"Jungkook, please retake 9th-grade biology, your six-pack is not a hand."

"It emits the same level of comfort."

He trails your hand higher, over his pecks and lands right on his heart. It drums like a fevered bird underneath your fingertips.

"Why are you so nervous?" you hum and he rolls on his side and settles himself onto the pillow.

"Because I like you. And you like me. Even if you pretend that you don't."

"It's really not ap-"

"Appropriate?" he finishes and then tugs his hands over your waist pulling you closer. "Perhaps not but you know what happens in the spooky old mansion, stays in the spooky old mansion."

His warm palm cups your cheek, stroking it with a dizzied smile.

"And if it doesn't, I'm a really good runner, so you can scurry all you like," a pause. His hand presses you even closer.

© soraviii/soraviie 2022-2023

[ellieluvr420]

We meet again, darling pt.4 (detective Abby Anderson x criminal reader)

Synopsis: Abby Anderson is a skilled detective that's never let a criminal escape her grasp, until you. You've infiltrated every part of her life and she still can't get you. As she grows more and more intrigued by you she finds herself descending further into darkness until there's no way back. She takes your hand and follows you as if your presence is the only thing giving her life knowing that you are the most dangerous thing for her. Her life will never be hers again and she will stop at nothing to keep following you down your path of corruption.

Smut... kinda, MDNI please xxxx

Abby jolts awake at the sound of her phone ringing. She had struggled to fall asleep earlier that night just like she had most nights since Dan. His face haunted her sleep. Sometimes it was memories from her childhood where he looked happy and carefree as they did when they were kids but sometimes his face was pale and sweaty and twisted up in pain, both physical and emotional. No matter what the dream was it always ended the same: Abby stabbing him and him choking on his own blood while he asked why? How could she do this? Every night she'd wake up in a cold sweat, hyperventilating with tears threatening to spill over her cheeks. But tonight, she didn't. She woke because her phone rang. Because you rang.

Abby looks at the number only to see its unknown and she sighs already knowing who it is.

"Do you know what time it is?" Her voice was groggy and deep from sleep and your breath hitched at the sound of her disgruntled words.

"No, isn't it 2pm?"

Abby can practically hear the grin through the phone and she sighs even harder this time.

"You're not funny."

"Yes I am don't lie, that's a sin"

"Your whole life is a sin."

"Jeez someone's grumpy."

"You wake me up at.." Abby takes the phone from her ear to look at the time. "THREE AM?? Have you lost your mind?"

"Yes, years ago."

"Do you enjoy being the biggest pain in my ass? Is that why you called... at 3am?

"Yes and kind of. I'm calling because I've got everything set up for you to start your part of the plan, I think we should give it a name I was thinking: Mission take over, what do you think?" Abby rolls her eyes and lays back down with the phone still at her ear.

"No, that's awful. What about.... Mission call me at 3am again and I'll kick your ass?"

"I'd like to see you try. You don't have a good track record."

"Hanging up now."

"Wait a minute, we're going to dinner tonight. Be ready 8pm sharp and dress nice."

"Anyone ever told you you're bossy?"

"Everyday of my life. It's part of my charm. Okay that was all I wanted to tell you so get some rest sleeping beauty."

"You called me at 3am to tell me we're going to dinner?"

"Yeah, pretty much."

"I really don't like you."

"Aw yes you do. Goodnight sunshine!" You do a loud kiss through the phone and hear her sigh before she hangs up. You giggle and put your phone down as there's a knock at your office door.

"Come in."

Richter walks in with a bottle of wine and two glasses. He sits quietly and pours you both a glass.

"What's got you up at these hours?" You look at him with an unamused look.

"When am I not? And I could say the same for you."

"Fair point. I'm actually just about to head back to mine but I thought you'd want to know that Eddie rang."

You sigh and rub your forehead knowing that is never good.

"What now?"

"Cops bagged Marlow, apparently they've offered him a deal to talk."

"They always do. Do you think he will?"

"No I don't think he will, but..."

"Oh there's always a but."

"Eddie's worried, there's been more arrests recently, not all of them get charged but he's worried they're getting closer. We've went under the radar for so long now, is our luck running out?"

"It's not luck Johnny for fuck's sake. We're smart and we're careful. This. This is a rat. Come on I'll walk you out, I need to pay someone a visit."

Richter gives you a strange look but shrugs and starts walking as you follow him out.

Abby jolts awake for the second time tonight as she feels herself being shaken.

"AH WHAT THE FUCK!"

"Sorry, sorry. It's just me."

"You are fucking insane, how and why are you in my apartment at 4 in the fucking morning?"

"You have crap security we've been over this" You begin to pace at the foot of her bed. "I need a favour."

"A favour? You really think you're in a place to be asking for favours right now."

"Hey, when I came in it looked like you were having a really bad dream so er your welcome for waking you up from that. Please just listen to me this is serious." You stop and look her dead in the eyes as you say this and for the first time you notice she's not wearing anything on her top half. You can see the protrusion of her collarbones and the definition of her muscles and you don't even realise you've been ogling her until you meet her unimpressed eyes. Although she's gracious enough to not mention it, you gulp as you know you've been caught.

"Right. Well, um, I think there's a rat. Lower down of course but clearly high up enough to know a good amount about the structure of my business. More of my men have been getting arrested and some of them are getting charged. I need you to find out who the rat is so I can deal with them. Abby this is so important, I need you to find out today or this could fuck up mission: take over."

"Are you actually going to start calling it that?"

"Abby!"

"Jeez. Sorry, I will find out what's going on today."

"Oh thank god." You sit down on the bed next to her and put a hand on her strong thigh and squeeze. "Thank you, sorry for scaring the shit out of you... and waking you up... twice." You smile at her and she smiles back.

"It's okay I guess, only you could get away with this shit."

"Oh yeah?" You tilt your head and smirk at her. "Am I special?" You lean in close so your faces are centimetres apart. Abby brings a hand to your cheek and pulls you closer so your noses are practically touching. She leans in until your lips are touching.

"Yeah. You are." She lunges forward and presses her lips to yours in a hungry and desperate kiss. The shock you feel at her actions immediately subsides as want takes over. You feel her tongue licking at your lower lip, begging to be let in. You can't help but feel the need to tease so you go to pull away until her other hand finds its place on the back of your head keeping you firmly in place. She bites down on your lower lip and as you gasp she takes this as her opportunity to slip her tongue into your mouth. You feel completely out of control as you moan into her mouth. She pulls away for a second to raise her eyebrows at the noise you let out.

"Shut. Up." You grab her face and immediately start kissing her. Harder and more passionately this time. You straddle her hips and her hands immediately find their places on your hips squeezing so hard you expect bruises to form. You pull away from her lips and start kissing down her jaw and neck. You hear Abby almost growl and you feel her strong hands pull you away from her. You frown until you notice her hands pulling at your t-shirt. You help her by lifting your arms up and she throws the t-shirt somewhere on the floor of her room. You realise you didn't have a bra on when you see her eyeing your boobs hungrily. She looks up at you and down at them again. She grabs them and squishes them together and then kisses each nipple, she looks up with her face still resting on your chest and the sight is enough to make you cum right there and then. She gets a mischievous grin on her face.

"You have a great rack."

"Oh you just had to ruin the moment." You say giggling as you push her face away from you. She grabs you and pulls you down with her so you're laying on top of her.

"Hey I mean it."

"I will get up and leave right now." She wraps her arms tightly around your waist so there is absolutely no space between you two. "No you won't."

"Oh whatever." You go back to kissing her and her hands go back to your hips as she starts rocking you atop her. You groan into her mouth and you feel her smile into the kiss. She flips you both over and starts kissing down your neck and your chest until she reaches your left nipple. She sucks it into her mouth while making dead eye contact with you. You gasp as she pinches the right nipple and immediately swaps her ministrations. Once she's paid both nipples sufficient attention she kisses down your stomach and licks a strip back up and finishes it off with a kiss between your breasts. She shuffles down the bed and wraps her fingers round the band of your bottoms.

"Can I take these off?"

"Obviously."

She rips them down and throws them also onto the floor. She goes to kiss the hem of your underwear but stops when you thread your fingers through her soft hair.

"Wait. Come here."

"Yes boss." You giggle as she crawls back up toward your face and pull her into a messy kiss. You palm her perky breasts and roll her pink nipples between your fingers, she hisses.

"Aw is someone sensitive?" You pout at her and she smirks at you as she grabs your cheeks and squishes them together as she presses a chaste kiss to your lips.

"You are so much cuter when you don't talk." She squishes your cheeks with each word she says and then leans down and bites at your neck hard enough you're sure there will be a bite mark.

"I hate you so much." She looks at you with raised eyebrows as she places a hand over your mouth firmly.

"No you don't." She moves back down your body and takes the hem of your underwear between her teeth as she slides the underwear down your thighs, You instinctively clamp your legs shut as you're exposed in front of her but she grabs one of your thighs and pushes it down flush to the bed.

"uh uh uh, come on darling, no hiding now." She echoes your words from your conversation on the balcony with a wicked grin on her face. You roll your eyes and groan into her hand. She peppers kisses and leaves bruises all over your thighs until your bite her hand.

"Oh someone's impatient aren't they?" She leans down and licks a stripe from your hole to your clit moaning as she tastes you on her tongue. She sucks your clit into her mouth for a second and then presses a quick kiss to it before she crawls back up to be face to face with you. She grabs your neck, gentler than the other times she's choked you, her intentions different this time and kisses you hungrily so you can taste yourself on her tongue. You both kiss until you have to pull away to gasp for breath and she sits up giving you the most hot look you've ever seen as she wipes her mouth with her thumb. She leans back down and presses her thumb over your lips and you happily take it into your mouth and suck. She moans as she feels your tongue swirling around her thumb and sucking, hard. She pulls it out with a pop and smears the spit over your lips and chin. She bites her lip and flashes a devilish grin before she begins to get up and pull her top off the ground as she puts it on over her head.

"What are you doing?"

"That's what you get for waking me up in the middle of the night... twice." She goes to walk out the room but turns back and looks at you. "And for shooting me." As she walks out of the room you throw your head back in frustration and begin trailing your hand down your body to your heat. Abby appears back in the doorway with two bottles of water and an unimpressed look on her face. She pulls you by your foot to the end of the bed and brings her face inches to yours.

"Don't even think about it."

She drops a bottle of water onto the bed for you and you throw yourself back in frustration as you hear Abby laugh as she walks away.

"Fucker."

psa: sorry sorry i had to do it, going back and editing these now i've decided to actually post has been fun. Hope you enjoyed whoever has made it this far and more action is coming i promise, in more ways than one... ;). New chapters coming soon because i love this story and Abby is perf <3 okay byeeee

[aventurine-official]

When Aventurine comes back to the Reverie late at night, he receives a present. There's a bouquet of blue hydrangeas, lilies and forget-me-nots in front of the door to his room. He receives a text from an unknown source. There's no way to track the sender, even with the IPC's technology. The message says:

You didn't notice, but I've been watching you for months. Only now I'm bit by bit starting to see under the surface. Your act is slowly breaking. There are cracks on your fake mask. How long can you keep it up? The truth is becoming visible to me, soon it'll be everyone around you. Be careful, gambler. You're begining to lose your game.

Ever since your arrival on Penacony, how many times have you been vulnerable in front of somebody else. Beautiful toys don't cry, have you forgotten what you've been taught so painstakingly? At the end of the day, you're not only an aventurine stone, are you?

You can't know my identity yet, but when your luck runs out and you finally lose, I'll find you. I'll be the last defense you have and the strongest one too. I hope the day is never going to come, but we both know it's close. How much longer can you last, beautiful peacock? You're not on your own. I'll be your guard.

If my findings are wrong, forget about this message.

- 👑

(NOT an anon signoff pls, don't add it)

*The blonde picks up the bouquet with sparkling eyes, smelling the fresh flowers. They're so, so pretty-- he wishes for a moment that it's Veritas who left them for him, but snaps himself out of his fantasy quite quickly. It's impossible the scholar could ever be so attentive, to somebody like him nonetheless.*

*As he contemplates how in the cosmos anybody could have known the names of his favourite flowers, his phone goes off. How strange-- he isn't expecting a follow-up from Topaz until tomorrow morning. Perhaps she's early?*

*Aventurine sighs, picking up his cellphone and unlocking it swiftly. A single notification lies in wait-- and the user cannot be indentified. The message is quite long... The gambler starts to doubt it was intended for his eyes, but the longer he reads, the more unsettled he becomes.*

*Someone is watching him? Someone who refuses to introduce themselves until his last moment? Mysterious, and a tad morbid-- he's sure he would have noticed somebody around...*

*Who is this person to judge his vulnerability? If they've noticed such things, they must have indeed been watching him closely... And yet he can't recall any of his acquaintances having this sort of tone.*

*'Beautiful toys don't cry'--The words are like a slap to the face, and the following question taunts him. Of course he hasn't forgotten-- the ink-black mark seared into the marred skin of his neck can't let him escape those awful memories even for a moment.*

*Several emotions stir inside the Avgin, and he's not sure whether to be fearful or outraged. He quickly redacts a response, his fingers trembling as he sends the message.*

Aventurine: Who are you and what do you want with me?

⚠️Your message has failed to send.

Aventurine: Is this someone's idea of a sick joke?

⚠️Your message has failed to send.

Aventurine: How do you know so much about me..?

⚠️The person you are attempting to contact is unavailable.

Aventurine: If you aren't lying...

Aventurine: I want your help

*The blonde inhales, thinking his next words over.*

Aventurine: I need it

Aventurine: If you really aren't messing with me, meet me in Dream's Edge at sundown tomorrow

⚠️Your message has failed to send.

*The gambler swipes away from the messages, the hot tears streaming down his cheeks going almost unnoticed as he opens his contact list and calls Ratio before he can think better of it.*

*He presses his back against the wall, sinking down to rest against the floor with a shaky breath as he listens desperately to the dial tone.*

Pick up, doc. Come on.

[takobaki]

⋆ ★Kalim x child!reader⋆ ★

༊*·˚ FILLER POST ༊*·

{One shot}

≡;- ꒰ °Kalim x child reader (PLATNOIC ONLY PLATONIC READER IS 5-6) °꒱≡;-

-ˋˏ✄┈┈┈┈

◢✥◣ Synopsis: Kalim kidnaps a child to hang out CONFIRMEDDD!?!?!?! (Basically it lol)

-ˋˏ✄┈┈┈┈

◢✥◣ Word count:

-ˋˏ✄┈┈┈┈

◢✥◣ A/N:

-ˋˏ✄┈┈┈┈

◢✥◣ Warnings if any:

"Are you seriously going to do this? Now not only will I have to deal with a overgrown toddler, but also a actual toddler" Jamil hissed as he pinched the bridge of his nose, a already irritated expression on his face as he mentally prepared himself for all the trouble Kalim was about to cause

"Come on Jamil! It's going to be so much fun" Kalim cheered as he held the clueless child by their {Skin toned} hand, "I promise I won't cause you too much trouble" He cooed as he gave Jamil a pleading expression. With a annoyed huff, Jamil lazily crossed his arms, "You know what- fine. Just don't cause too much of a mess" Jamil relented, throwing his head back slightly as he rolled his eyes

"Thank you!!! I promise I won't do anything too bad!! Come on {Name}!" Kalim cheered, throwing his arms up before dragging the child away by their arm, rambling about things they could do "I swear- if Kalim hosts a party, I'm going to snap again" Jamil sneered before he begrudgingly followed the two

"What do you think! We could have Jamil cook food for the party-" Cutting himself off, Kalim let out a loud gasp, stopping in his tracks "GAHH! You got to try Jamil's food!!!" Kalim yelled, his eyes basically sparking with the excitement of the idea of sharing Jamil's wonderful cooking, "Your bound to love it!! It's so good!" Kalim continued, his mouth basically drooling with the mouth watering memories of his ''friends'' cooking. Jamil, standing from behind the excitedly sweet boy, clenched his teeth as he felt a vein pop, not feeling in the mood to cook extra meals.

"Kalim. It's getting late, Crewel is going to come and pick them up in a few hours. Do you really want to spend the little time left eating" Jamil knew that convincing Kalim to do something easy to clean up would make his day be easier, and oh how he needed a break. Being forced to take care of the child for an accident that Jamil didn't even start, was so annoying, and yet the child seemed to be keeping Kalim occupied which was the best choice for him.

"Oooh! How about I tell you about some of the stories that I was rold when I was younger! Their so cool" Kalim started gushing as he started shaking the child. Letting out a chuckle, the little kid playfully pushed away Kalim, as he boy started to practically coo over how cool the stories from his childhood were, making Jamil roll his eyes.

"And with that, the king was finally able to rule over the kingdom without any more fighting!" The white haired boy cheered as he finished reading one of his favorite stories to the kid. Surprisingly, even with all his shouting and excited words, Kalim was a pretty good story teller, and was easily able to make anybody feel woozy

And yet the child was still wide awake, their eyes as wide as someone whose just seen a horror movie. "Did you like it! I was told it when I was younger!" Kalim cheered as he clapped his hands together, making the child stare at him blankly.

Kalim had went on a bit of a tangent in the middle of the story, making the entire story very confusing, especially for those with short memories. Suddenly Jamil opened the door, expecting to see both Kalim and {Name} passed out, whilst Crewel stood behind him. "Aw man.. Does {Name} have to g-" But before the white haired boy could even get the chance to finish his sentence, Jamil interrupted him

"Yes. Come on Kalim, no buts too" Jamil said, tiredness lacing his voice causing Crewel to chuckle, while Kalim pouted

"But we were just starting to have funnnn" Kalim whined, wrapping his arms around the child who he and Jamil were supposed to be babysitting, in hopes of convincing Jamil and Crewel to let the kid stay for a bit

[queenofbaws]

Hope that by this point your migraines gone of course, but how does a Dr. Alan J. Hill centric piece in memory of how you once used to use their terrible, awful powers for good sound?

His sessions with Josh were never predictable; complex not in scope or underlying issues, perhaps, but complex in the way the innards of a clock were complex, made up of many, many moving parts that had been specifically forged to be both endlessly fragile...and capable of tearing into your flesh, should you be foolish enough to get too close. Today as they sat opposite one another, the dull grey light of yet another winter storm putting a few fat, lazy dust motes on display in the air between them, Alan felt the telltale prick of skin catching in one of those metaphorical gears.

"I...I made a mistake," Josh admitted after a time, his voice low but his eyes cast lower, "I know you warned me about going back up to the lodge, so, truth be told, I know I owe you an 'I told you so' or two, but...I really fucked up, Alan, I mean...I really fucked up this time."

It was a natural danger of the job, growing attached to clients - something that he found himself falling prey to more and more the older he got and the more of his younger self he saw in them - yet even so, he found he had to scrounge up every inch of his fortitude to keep from reacting outright, from showing his dread where Josh could see it. "This is about that 'plan' of yours, I take it," he started carefully, picking his words as a lockpick might his tools, swallowing down the concern creeping up from the very back of his throat as best he could, "Josh, I should hope if you needed someone to confess some act of violence to, I wouldn't be your first choice - "

He watched Josh's face warp with obvious confusion, then realization, then understanding, then embarrassment, and while there was relief to be found in that, there still wasn't anything that could've prepared him for the admission that came out of his mouth next: "Vio...oh Jesus, nah man, that got...well let's just say I got a little side-tracked with the whole, uh, 'revenge plan' thing, since, uh...okay, so I did go back to the lodge, but mostly what I did up there was makeout with two of the idiots who pulled that prank on my sister in the first place, and I have to be honest...I'm not feeling, y'know, great, about that particular decision."

six sentence sat(or)sunday!!!

[sentfromwolves]

midnight: What keeps your OC up at night? Do they have nightmares? Fears? Anxieties? What do they do in the small hours of the morning when they should be sleeping? (for anyone!)

Thank you so much for the ask! I love this one so much, I think I'll do it for the HBABL crew.

also very much tw for: brief mentions of child abuse, sa, and ptsd/trauma symptoms, cannibalism, gore, violence

◢ QUESTIONS *

midnight: What keeps your OC up at night? Do they have nightmares? Fears? Anxieties? What do they do in the small hours of the morning when they should be sleeping? (for anyone!)

❖ 》　NEMESIS ;midnight ➡

Nemesis is routinely in the nightmare zone for the first twenty years of his life. He's literally cursed to die on his 21st birthday and it does keep him up at night. There's a very real fear in him that everything he's trying in order to save his own life is in vain, and he often feels like he's unable to stop the passage of time toward his known death and he can't get off the train tracks in time to avoid collision. He also suffers insomnia because of this and the pervasive, awful pressure of feeling like he needs to use every waking moment he can to try and find a way to break his curse. Unfortunately this isn't the only thing that keeps Nemesis up at night. His nightmares are also very often infused with childhood traumas. His mother was abhorrently physically and emotionally abusive to him for several years before he ran away from home, and living on the run was also incredibly dangerous for a young adult on the streets. Nemesis is incredibly street savvy, but has also experienced assault and severe violence and it's really hard for him to ever find sleep without his need for constant vigilance stopping him from getting anywhere near eight hours of sleep at night.

❖ 》　JUDGE ;midnight ➡

Yeah, Judge also has trouble sleeping, but because he does it where no one can see, no one knows until he opens up about it. He's been cannibalized by his own kind, eaten and regurgitated, torn apart and put back together again, so many times that his body is just a massacre of scars and parts stitched back together somewhat wrong. This constant physical trauma has absolutely left mental scars, and Judge is incredibly hostile about his sleeping space. He's also a wounded, traumatized dog--the kind of stray that starts howling and snarling the moment you get close to the bars of his cage. He's also got additional uhhh memory issues where he does sometimes remember other emotionally abusive situations and startles himself awake, uncertain of who he is or what body he's in.

❖ 》　HALLIDAY ;midnight ➡

Halliday is probably the most well adjusted out of all of these guys and by that I mean he gets eight hours of sleep maybe three times a week, which probably says something big about this cast. He sleeps at night, routinely, and gets nightmares once in awhile, but he's a master at self-distancing from his trauma and also repressing his own experiences until they build and build and burst in the back of his mind and snap him into a place of insomniac anguish and despair. It's kind of like, he'll look away and look away and look away, but the moment he even catches a glimpse of the past in a mirror and gets sucked into that memory again, it haunts him through the night, or inflicts itself into his dreams. Most of Halliday's trauma is from atrocities he's committed and the blood on his hands as a result of his loyalty and faith to his order, which has led him to perform acts of violence in the name of God. A very specific event cracked the delusional mindset he shrouded himself in as a separator between him and his morality and ability to learn, grow, grieve, and change for the better. Now, that specific event, unfortunately, is also his haunting. It keeps him up at night. There's a girl and she's dead because of him, and she keeps him up at night. To a lesser extent, Halliday will also suffer rare nightmares about his mother's suicide, and the emotional trauma he sustained as the unwanted, yet priceless child of his family. He suffers a lot of anxiety over feeling like he should never have been born, that his life is a mistake, and he's good at looking away from it, but it catches up to him sometimes and puts him into a dark, dark space.

❖ 》　DESMOND ;midnight ➡

Desmond is such a fucking weirdo. He sleeps pretty regularly well enough, and not getting eight hours of sleep is more often due to him being a busybody than anything else. Like I've mentioned before, this guy has a really fucked up relationship with his brother. Dreams that dress themselves in the shape of his childhood home and his brother and the traumatic events that killed their parents will startle him awake at night. He'll become prone to anxiety attacks then, where he reverts to the injured parts of himself that are trying so desperately to find some sort of forgiveness for the blame of killing his parents and the blood on his hands. Nightmares where his brother leaves him permanently in ways he can't control (ie. murder) also trigger Desmond deeply, leaving him awake and restless and angry for the rest of the night. I could add more, but it's a bit plot spoiler heavy for him, so I'll bow out on this asshole here.

Come ask me questions about my OCS here!

[thekimspoblog]

The 2nd Trip

For a while now, I've wanted to write more fanfiction about the stomach-turning star-crossed romance between William and Dolores. I mean the plot-twist at the end of Season 1 just recontextualizes their entire affair in a deliciously awful way. And in Season 2, we do get a lot more insight into how he became the Man in Black (especially Episode 9). But I still feel like there are a lot of gaps left to fill in, about how he "got bored" with Dolores. So here are some ideas I've had for that:

(I already wrote this scene) William has been invited to dinner at the Abernathy Ranch house, as a thank-you for saving Dolores from bandits earlier that day. When Peter pulls Billy aside to give him the suspicious-patriarch routine, William drops the facade and explains that he wants Dolores to remember him, so he can take her out of the park. Later, while stargazing, Dolores talks about how she feels like Teddy doesn't really understand her, and invites William to the barn for a roll in the hay.

The pair set off on a narrative (presumably one of Ford's) to recover a curative flower from the top of a cliffside, which will supposedly heal Dolores's sick mother. However, somewhere along the way, the two will get side-tracked and end up looking for some sort of more abstract treasure, backstage in the labs. The Forge hasn't been built yet, but maybe this is where William gets the idea?

Along this journey, Dolores finds Teddy's body dumped in a ditch somewhere. Naturally she's horrified and bereaved. What William doesn't remember (or maybe has chosen to forget) is that he did this - this was about more than just eliminating the competition; he was playing Teddy's role. Maybe he thought it was the most efficient way to win Dolores over... or maybe he just wanted to go back to pretending to be the good guy.

They ride the train together again, and maybe for a second it even seems like he's been able to jog her memory. But the sad fact is the spark is gone. It's not her; she hasn't changed one bit; every time on the train is her first time. But he's changed; this story holds no surprises for him this time around, so what's the fun? He still loves Dolores... at least he thinks he does... but he can see her puppet strings this time. Honestly, it's a horrible thing to say, but if romancing someone can be boiled down to an easy-to-follow dialogue tree... what's the point of consent? None of it was ever consensual, because she doesn't even know where she is! Whatever, all the more reason she needs to be taken out of this horror show.

Having successfully smuggled/bought Dolores's freedom, they get a condo in the city together. Dolores is very clearly a fish out of water in this new environment, but she's his manic pixie dream girl so all the repetitions/stutters/glitches are just part of the charm. I mean William had obvious contempt for Peter Abernathy when he was doing the same thing earlier in this story, but it's fine I'm sure there's no issues hiding there. Anyway, some of Dolores's strange behavior is cute, but her sleepwalking is causing a serious problem. William keeps getting called down to the Sheriff's station at 2 am, because Dolores was walking down the highway in a trance. This leads William to start doing more to lock her in the apartment at night, but naturally this only makes Dolores angry and distrustful. She's becoming more and more insistent that she wants to go back to her father, despite William trying to convince her that that man was never her father. This escalates to Dolores attacking William with a kitchen knife in an attempt to escape. And now William decides to cross a line he can't uncross: he tries to reprogram her into something more manageable.

Eventually Ford tracks William down and politely explains that Dolores must be returned to the park; whoever agreed to sell her in the first place has been fired (read: killed), and now Robert is here to correct this misunderstanding in-person. He explains that the hosts' cognitions begin to break down when they are out-of-range of the CR4DL, and that William is hurting her by taking her away from her family and the rest of her species. There will come a day when the hosts are ready to walk on the outside, but Dolores is still learning; she belongs under the watchful eye of her creator. William chews Ford out, for supposedly loving his robots like children and yet still raising them in a woodchipper. Ford gives Billy the standard "only suffering brings enlightenment" speech.

Meanwhile, Logan has finally been rescued by an EVAC team, and is slowly regaining his sanity in a hospital bed somewhere on the mainland. Naturally, his first thought is to adamantly warn Juliet about what William did, that he doesn't really love her, and the lies he will tell that she shouldn't listen to. But years of a strained relationship with her brother lead Juliet to give William the benefit of the doubt. William answers believably enough; he did get lost in a fantasy, but he's sobering up now and he remembers why he loved her. Westworld is too important a project for Delos not to invest in it, so yes, he will have to continue business with the park. But even if the hosts are sentient, according to Ford, Dolores was only brought online roughly twelve years ago. Frankly, William is disgusted with himself now!

Years later, Juliet visits the Mariposa. She's developed a real hatred for this park, this business, but she had to come here; this was important. She needs to have a frank chat with Dolores. Not even out of jealousy, more out of fear. What has her husband been doing to this poor woman? And how much restraint does he actually have from doing the same to her and Emily? In the background "Jolene" by Dolly Parton tinkles away on the player piano.

The Man in Black arrives in Sweetwater again, and threatens a fellow guest for trying to pick up the can of peaches, insisting that he be the first in line. He takes Dolores to Escalante, where they have a tea party among the sand dunes. It's clear at this point, William doesn't regard Dolores as a full person, but he's still content to have her as company while he mulls some things over out-loud. He talks about his hatred for rich snobs, how he would throttle James Delos if it were only legal to do so. How Juliet grew up rich and he didn't, and because of that there will always be unspoken resentment between them. Dolores recites the same script from the first chapter of this story, about her dissatisfaction with Teddy. William muses that that would make them both adulterers, and maybe that's not much of a sin compared to other ones. Maybe having one foot in the real world and one foot in the park, is the closest he's ever going to get to happy.

William wakes up on the train headed into the park again. The whole time we've been reading this story, it wasn't a flash-back; it was a simulation in the Forge. And Ford didn't write the medicinal flower narrative; William wrote this story for himself because part of his brain desperately wants Dolores to forgive him for the abuse. But she can't because she's not there; she's already left him behind in the dust. All this guilt, heartbreak and obsession has kept him reliving the past 30 years over and over again, trying to make sense of where he went wrong, why he couldn't have just played White-Hat like he was supposed to. But when Dolores is attacked by bandits again, this time lead by the Man in Black, William realizes that the only thing he could have done to break the loop was to let go entirely. To quit the park cold-turkey. Wish Dolores well, knowing that she'll mature eventually, but for better or worse, he and his perverse sentimentality can't be around for it.

[sprinkleofpixiedust]

♥ writing prompts based on Midnights by Taylor Swift ♥

“Meet me at midnight”

“Why is everybody so obsessed with the white picket fence fantasy?”

“I just want to stay,”

“How’d we end up on the floor anyway?”

“I chose you,”

“How the hell did we lose sight of us again?”

“Ain’t that the way shit always ends?”

“That’s a real fuckin’ legacy to leave,”

“I should not be left to my own devices,”

“It’s me,”

“I’m the problem, it’s me,”

“I’m the problem, everybody agrees. Don’t you?”

“Sometimes I feel like the attention is on everybody else, and I’m just there. I walk into the party, and the conversations stop,”

“My flight was awful, thanks for asking,”

“It’s fine to fake it till you make it,”

“I don’t even dare to wish it,”

“Can this be a real thing?”

“He’s gonna notice me,”

“I didn’t choose this town,”

“I waited ages to see you there,”

“You’re on your own kid,”

“From sprinkler splashes, to fireplace ashes,”

“You always have been,”

“I thought I’d be saved by the perfect kiss,”

“You’ve got no reason to be afraid,”

“You can face this,”

“He wanted a bride,”

“I broke his heart because he was nice,”

“What a picture perfect shiny family,”

“Sometimes we all get what we wanted,”

“He doesn’t think about me anymore,”

“Can I ask you a question?”

“Did you ever have someone kiss you in a crowded room?”

“Do you wish you put up more of a fight?”

“It’s just a question,”

“Everybody was making fun of you!”

“I’ve been dressing for revenge,”

“I don’t start shit, but I can tell you how it ends,”

“Where do you think she got it from?”

“I’ve simply had enough,”

“Someone told his whitecollar crimes to the FBI,”

“I’m going out tonight,”

“I polish up real nice,”

“I think it’s time to teach you a lesson,”

“I miss you, but I miss feeling like myself more,”

“You might have to wait in line,”

“We’re dancing all night and you can’t change my mind,”

“You can try to change my mind,”

“What’s a girl gonna do?”

“It only hurts this much right now,”

“You know how scared I am of elevators,”

“Uh oh, I’m falling in love,”

“Oh no, I’m falling in love again,”

“Oh, I’m falling in love,”

“Break up,”

“Break free,”

“Break through,”

“Break down,”

“You would break your back to make me smile,”

“I hate that everybody expects me to just bounce back,”

“You’re talking shit, for the hell of it,”

“Karma’s a relaxing thought,”

“Me and karma vibe like that,”

“Money isn’t the only price,”

“Karma is gonna track you down,”

“Stop flexing like a goddamn acrobat,”

“You still have that pebble?”

“Everyone’s up to something,”

“Everyone’s up to something, but I just want to come home to you,”

“Nothing was gonna stop me,”

“What if I told you I’m a mastermind?”

“Now you’re mine,”

“If you fail to plan, you plan to fail,”

“No one wanted to play with me as a little kid,”

“This is the first time I’ve felt the need to confess,”

“You knew the entire time?”

“All you did was smile,”

“You made a mess of me,”

“I threw up on the street,”

“Love is a lie,”

“It hits different,”

“My friends say love is a lie,”

“Moving on has always been easy for me,”

“Because it’s you,”

“I always cry at the bar,”

“I don’t get invited anywhere anymore,”

“I cried over a hat,”

“Make it make sense,”

“Is it you?”

“Have they come to take me away?”

“I vowed not to cry anymore,”

“You were playing with fire,”

“Apparently I need to trust people more,”

“I really thought i’d lost you,”

“We can plant a memory garden,”

“War isn’t fair,”

“We will never go back to that,”

“I will always be yours,”

“It’s all over now,”

“Goodbye,”

“It’s not meant to be,”

“Did you see the photos?”

“I’m so in love,”

“Romance is not dead,”

“We were somewhere else,”

“No, I didn’t see the news,”

“I didn’t know you were keeping count,”

“I bent the truth too far,”

“Do you really want to know where I was?”

“It felt like I had to drag my feet down the aisle,”

“We were supposed to be just friends,”

“I think there’s been a glitch,”

“I’m not even sorry,”

“Did it matter that I was a child?”

“I’m scared of ghosts,”

“You made me feel important,”

“I wish you’d just left me wondering,”

“I regret you all the time,”

“I keep on waiting for a sign,”

“I wish I could take back my girlhood,”

“It was mine first,”

“If it feels like a trap, it’s probably too late,”

“Never take advice from someone who’s falling apart,”

“You don’t have to answer,”

[viralhoax]

me vs. evan williams vs. elvis

i live off a highway exit with a few gas stations, a pharmacy and a liquor store all within the same vicinity. if they weren’t split by the road itself, they could all share a parking lot. the liquor store is on the right, always my passenger side. and i think about the women that run it, and how kind they are, and how nice it smells, and how one bottle of champagne from there and a couple bottle of orange juices from the gas station might just stave off this sadness for a little longer…

but then the light turns green and i go home instead. but for about five seconds, i have a decision to make that is all my own. i don’t have anyone who has stake in this game like i do. i could fold on this hand or go all in, empty my bank account, bet it all and hope i hit 21 this time. and if i hit 21 this time, i’m done for good, i’m satisfied, i’ll go home, i never need to do it again. but if i’m able to just pull off this one-night-of-fun, i can stop now and never again.

okay, yeah. sure. because that’s exactly how that works. you get one big win and one great feeling and then you never wanna do it again, right? mhm. 

i pass the liquor store and go home instead. and the sadness stays, but the sadness would be there whether or not i chugged that bottle or not. as someone who has had clinical depression since age 15 (or prior, but who cares to keep track of points at the trauma olympics?), i know that i will wake up in fear or i will wake up in fear with a headache. i’d rather wake up without the headache.

two years ago, i got drunk at an emo night. and it wasn’t drunk-drunk, really (because we have levels for drunk — there’s buzzed, drunk, drunk-drunk and vodka courtney). i was more regular drunk teetering closer to buzzed. but i remember how little i enjoyed myself. and i remember just wanting to feel sober again, which is something i always remembered wanting to feel in my worst days. the spins, the fear, the lack of control… i wanted it all to be over. and it was, the next morning, until i was plagued by anxiety regarding what i had done, what i had said, who i had hurt, etc. because i knew myself (we’re pretty well-acquainted at this point) and i knew that i was going to start drinking and the shit talk would commence. some of it shitty and gossipy, some of it just venting about my feelings i kept deep inside during the times i was sober. regardless, the damage wasn’t really existent, because i had behaved myself and retained the majority of my memories. but what lingered was the awful, gnawing feeling of “fuck, i shouldn’t be doing this”.

i hit the genetic lottery. i have bad knees, a fucked up back, coarse ass eyebrows and genetic alcoholism and mental illness on both sides of my family. drinking was pounded into my head as a teenager as the worst thing i could do from my mother (next to like, lying and murder), while my father’s family celebrated alcohol in all its forms. the first time i got drunk i was 13 and alone, depressed and anxious over some boy and something stupid he did. skyy vodka vanilla and sparkling blood orange juice. fancy screwdrivers for a little fucking degenerate. i had three and faked being sick to not go to school the next day. i drunk dialed people though, so that was a fun one to have to explain.

i smoked a ton of weed (spoiler: i still do, so i can’t even claim full on recovery or sobriety because i know i have my vices) up until i was 16 and another boy cheated on me and broke my heart and taught me that i am triggered very much by being ghosted. gin and sprite to the brim of a regular kitchen glass. probably 2 or 3 glasses before 12pm because i was home alone. i called said boy who was cheating on me and i don’t remember the conversation except for the fact that i definitely embarrassed myself. i napped, went to work, got too sick to work on the line, lied about being sick, went home, puked, and lied to my mom’s face when she asked if i was drunk. i didn’t start drinking until college intermittently with 19-20 being my kick-off years of drinking alone, drinking so much i puked, crying, and doing a bunch of shit i wasn’t supposed to be doing.

in my early 20s i left one tumultuous relationship where i was drinking a lot for a worse one where i was drinking much more. the difference was is that in the first one, it got called out. i remember my ex looking at me and telling me i was drunk all the time, that i was turning into an alcoholic, that i was never home and always at the bar at the job we worked at. i threw it back in his face because i didn’t want to listen, bitched about how much weed he smoked and made him look like an asshole for showing what was most likely genuine concern (or maybe just frustration, either way, he was right). 

when we broke up (jesus, a pattern!) i was drinking wine from the bottle, at parties with people i shouldn’t have been, ending up with scars on my hands from eating shit walking home from the bars or from other people’s houses. i wore someone else’s shoes home once. i didn’t give a fuck about my own well-being. i went to my office job hungover and bragged about drinking evan williams from the bottle. i was behaving so recklessly and i was consistently enabled to behave that way because my friends were already wild and i was the “innocent” one. 

we won’t get into my single life, because i barely remember it. and what i do remember, i regret with all of me.

i ended up living with someone who made my substance abuse problems look like they were freckles on the face of mount rushmore. i was enabled a lot, my tolerance for alcohol went up and drinking was one of the few things i looked forward to. we bonded through drinking on the weekends together and listening to music. it felt like the only time i had his full attention after a while. but things turned south once my unresolved trauma i repressed started to leak out of me like a burst pipe. it annoyed him, i could tell, but i couldn’t stop and would work myself into panic attacks almost every weekend. all of the things i let lay dormant came up and it wasn’t something he wanted to deal with. he had his own shit he was focused on. 

i don’t want to get into how alcohol almost ended my life one night, so i won’t, but it’s something i live with every day and still have to work through 4 years later.

at the end, i was looking for any type of connection i could find outside of a person i felt like hated me. i bonded with my new coworkers at bars, drinking heavily, behaving recklessly, back to attention seeking behavior and no regard for my own well-being. not eating, not sleeping. just trying to make it through each day feeling as little as possible. the mounting guilt of my lifestyle and decisions were weighing on me and i refused to let myself process any of that. get up, chug caffeine, work retail, eat lunch in backroom, wait all night at shop to go to bar, go to bar, somehow get home. if i ever for any reason had to go straight home, i dreaded it and ended up drunk there too.

that relationship ended and my first healthy relationship started, but we still were drinking to excess. it made me the worst version of myself. it was the only way i felt i could relate to people. i felt stunted — i had no friends my own age anymore after fleeing my past life to try to make a new one. and i know i left hurt in my wake to try to be free, but it felt like it was freedom or death. but i was trying so hard to be relatable, and the only way that i felt like i was worth being around was being the funny drunk who had all the tea. and it made me a bad person. drinking helped me be the worst version of myself. 

i think one of my worst points that made me really truly realize i probably had a problem was being so unbelievably high on a trip to see my favorite artists, taking my anti-anxiety meds and then drinking 4 beers and not remembering anything except for what images and videos i had in my phone the next day. i kept fucking up though, because fucking up is easier than feeling all the shit you don’t wanna feel. 

so november 20, 2021, i stopped. and i don’t foresee myself ever going back. i woke up the night after emo night and was convinced i had done something terrible. the people i was with looked perplexed and said no, you were pretty normal. i didn’t believe them. the paranoia was so intense, it felt like i was being hunted for sport. so i started a counter and said “i’m never feeling like that again”. 

and i know they’re still in there, lurking, this little winged demon, this evil part of me that doesn’t need enabling. this edgy little asshole who needs to be terrible to get noticed. it’s a contest for who can say the worst thing and i refuse to lose. but even stronger than that is the need to feel like i am able to self-govern. and when i get my substances of choice involved, i become ungovernable. my emotions are strong and feel all-encompassing as it is, i don’t need to try to numb my senses even further than i have.

and yeah, i do miss brunch bloody marys. i miss nighttime mimosas. i miss midnight vodka red bulls and weeknight chugging evan from the bottle. i miss being able to relate to other people in a way that felt effortless, in a way that made me open up, in a vulnerable way i felt may be endearing enough to win over people who were never focused on relating to me anyway.

but life isn’t effortless. and sometimes the things that surround us to make life seem a little easier end up making everything so much harder.

i could take the shortcut if i wanted to, but it isn’t worth the reroute. 

i could watch the highlights, but i’ll never experience the full flick.

i could take the shot if i wanted to, but it isn’t worth the hangover.

[monstrousparalysis]

Wip ask game :3

🌤️Share your favorite piece of dialogue from your WIP.

🌧️Share something angsty from your WIP.

Honestly bestie, these were both good asks cause I really had to think about them. I'm good at dialogue because I can write character voices very well, but also I hate full conversations because I have to keep track of so many things and corral the dialogue into going in the direction I need, and it made me realize that like most of my current WIPs have one or both of the characters in states where they aren't talking much. And as for the angst: well, it's made me realize that my handle on what counts as angst is a little slippery (bc most of my current WIPs definitely have some negative emotions, but they're all also hot, so I'm slightly distracted from the angst by men being pressed against walls). However, I'm giving my best try here, so without further ado!

For dialogue, I'm gonna share a piece that could very well change, but hey, it's like the only good piece of back and forth in my current WIPs that I don't remember already showing to you and Lucky <3

Arthur:"I never claimed to be a saint, boy. But I certainly remember warning you about the dangers you'd face by following me around." Emizel:"So I should've been expecting you to be one of the dangers."

(love it when Arthur's a guilty mess of an older guy with poor self-control around either of these twins <333 and when Emizel's a punk trying to pick a fight he won't win (such as in this WIP, where he literally already did lose the fight and that's what they're talking about) <3)

Now, as for something angsty- well, it was a hard choice trying to find something that really felt right for being a little snippet, but here, have some of the Mizel dissociating and having a terrible horrible awful day, and also life.

Memories swirled around him, and he flowed along with the tide of them. As the feeling of teeth penetrating his skin burrowed into him, his head stayed above water, and his mind stayed calm. The pain was a simple fact instead of something to fight, the bite an action being done to a perfectly compliant body as he watched from outside. He'd always been horrible at paying attention to anything when he knew how it was going to go anyways, and he didn't plan on starting now. If he actually paid attention to everything Jeffrey said every time he yelled at him or something, he would've ran away years ago just so he didn't have to hear his dumbass voice anymore.

Y'know, these were both from Teaching A Young Dog Old Tricks. Man, I should really get back on that one, if I can just figure out that one ending conversation then it's basically good to go. Thanks for the idea, bestie!

[blooming-violets]

I JUST FINISHED SMITTEN AND IM IN LOVE<333 THE ENDING IS SO 😭😭😭😭 idk if you take requests rn but if you do, can you please write a short drabble on how mia and peter's relationship would be like now that they have child? but ofc if you're not comfortable to write it, it's fine!! i was just curious :))

This is not an actual blurb but I rambled for a long time anyway.

You made me go back and reread the epilogue because my memory is so bad that I low key forgot what happened.

I always wanted Mia's story to be kind of tragic. She went through something so horrific that her life was never going to be easy. Even before Peter, she was suffering through serious trauma. People don't bounce back from that with ease. I made sure to mention that she started going to therapy but then quit when she felt judged by their comments. It's unknown if the therapist was actually judging her or simply making an observation but, because of Mia's entire life history and personality, she took it as them looking down on her which made her quit. She hasn't gone back to therapy since then. It's the same thing that happened between her and Patrick's relationship after Peter. She took his comments as a personal judgment and attack to make her feel small and disgusting. So she ran away.

I wanted to make it so she was dealing with everything on her own like she had her whole life. She can't trust people because she thinks they have ulterior motives or hide their true feelings. In her messed up thinking, Peter was the only one who showed her his true self so she knew what to expect. For her story to ever work with Peter, she needed to be incredibly vulnerable, kicked down, extremely isolated, have zero self-worth/think so little of herself, and be financially stuck. I tried my best not to romanticize their situation and actually show the reasons as to why she was ever accepting of him. Her way of thinking was never okay. Mia needs serious, professional help that she's not getting because she has no one in her life who cares enough to step in. She's very much alone.

All that rambling to say, that's exactly how I tried to set her up in the epilogue even after she escaped Peter. Not much has changed from before she was with Peter to after. She tried to heal but fell short. Sadly, I think it's very truthful. So many people end up back with their abusers. When all you have is yourself to keep you in check, it's really easy to lose track of things and resort back to what you know.

Mia is still alone, trying to raise a daughter who looks an awful like her captor, and dealing with trauma that she has no outlet for. Her PTSD is currently manifesting itself into hypersexuality. She wants people to use her so that she can feel a sense of familiarity that she's always known.

About ptsd and hypersexual behavior:

"People also often feel tremendous guilt or shame in line with their trauma, which can promote hypersexual behavior. Sex, in this case, can be seen as a coping mechanism used to manage the symptoms of PTSD. Many people feel hypersexual impulses as their brains are focused on the trauma. They can enter an unhealthy cycle where they seemingly reenact their trauma. As mentioned, this can be a coping mechanism for many."

This is where Mia is right now. She's clearly scared of Peter. She's scared for her daughter. But there's a part of her that is relieved to see him. She doesn't have to wonder or worry about where he is anymore. He's standing in front of her. She's able to physically have him in her sights. She can monitor everything that he does. She no longer has to live in the unknown. Her abuser is right there and she knows what to expect...almost craves it because it's familiar and she's tricked herself into think that she loves him. If she loves them then it makes everything easier to digest. He's not an evil stranger, he's her lover. She can twist his actions into love to soothe her own messed up thinking.

ALL OF THIS TO SAY that I think Mia would let him back into her life without a fight, as sad as that is to think about. I want her to take her daughter and run but everything we know about Mia doesn't align with that. The moment she decided not to kill him when she escaped the basement was the moment she chose him over her own life. She killed Jake. She could have killed Peter too but she didn't. That was her choice and Peter knows it. He knows he has her wrapped around his finger and has full control over her. His plan from the very start worked. Mia is his. She lost the fight. For now. She can still change! And I like to believe that she does...because she lives in my head and it's my story so I can force her to eventually change if I want haha.

I see Peter living in secret with her for a while. I see her willingly and almost excitedly letting him have sex with her. She wants to reenact her trauma and he's the perfect one to replay that scenario with. If I wrote this, there would be a lot of really crazy, dark smut.

I think she'd let him get close to Sofia only under extreme supervision. She wouldn't let him see her unless she was there. No matter how long he was around, I don't believe she'd ever give up control over Sofia to him. It would be the only time the fantasies in her head would drop back to reality whenever he interacted with Sof. She'd feel a tightness in her throat and anxiety in her stomach that she would try to push away but could never quite shake anytime he looked at her daughter.

I think they would play house for a little bit until one day Mia would finally snap, the reality of what they were doing sinking in and slapping her in the face, and she would probably stab him to death or something crazy then sink his body in the bottom of the pond on the property. No one but her and Sofia know he was ever there. She'd tell Sof that he had to leave and wasn't going to come back. Eventually Sofia probably forget about him because she's only three. It would be Mia's dirty secret that she would take the grave. No one would ever know. It's the only way she could ever be free of Peter. Jail wouldn't cut it. The only way for her to be sure that he would never return to her life would be through death.

Sofia would grow up wondering why she was never allowed to swim in the pond and Mia would tell her it's because of leeches...which would conveniently mimic that one flashback of Aunt May telling Peter not to go swimming and Peter killing the leech in that exact same pond thus implying that maybe the story one day repeats itself but with Sofia growing up in Peter's footsteps. Because a daughter of a serial killer father and a mother who's murdered two people as a result is a great villain origin story.

The End.

[z0-ne]

Dove (Seven deadly Sins X Nonbinary Reader!)

 If you think you've seen this before, it's because you have! Just slightly edited to fix old errors!

The same things over and over again

Anger.

Sorrow.

Then, a sudden feeling of emptiness.

All those emotions surrounded your just a few years ago when making attempts to make sense of your past, the life before the human world and what could have come before it.

Now it only seems like they come up every now and then when remembering the little things you once did before exile, so when questions were asked about where you were before now all you could do was tell your truth. That or keep your mouth shut.

Which was nothing.

From your memory you've always worked here after that accident, and you didn't expect that to change nor did you really want all of this to suddenly change.

You liked this life a lot more, and that was because it was peaceful and free of a lot of issues. Stress of saving millions and even your own team from monsters and sometimes eachother.

Although you know of one person before all of this, but they never liked being mentioned so you stray away from referring to them. 

You've always tried to tell the truth, and you couldn't mentally help but do so for some strange unknown reason. It was like you had been accustomed to only lie if it meant you'd die. 

You uncrossed your arms from over your chest and sat up from the way you previously sat. Rubbing your eyes and looking around, wondering just when you fell asleep.

Either way it didn't matter at all now, and that because now you had other things to focus on and that was your job, your new life filled with your friends.

"Hey! (Y/N)! Come on we've got two more people coming in who need tables!"

You could hear the voice of the man you happily worked with and could feel the sides of your mouth pulling into a gentle smile as you stood straight up.

Your break was over anyway, so him calling you didn't surprise you all to much right now.

Regaining your posture and track of thought, you answered him as you hurried out the door, quickly fiixng your attire and stretching your bones.

"I'm on it Meliodis!" 

You exclaimed with a smile as you made your way to the door, and greeted the people who entered the boar hat tavern with a smile.

They wasted no time following you to the table and giving their orders, and as usual it was just booze.

It was a Tavern after all.

You walked over to Meliodis and explained their orders to him in which he started to get to work.

Filling the cups to the brim with the booze they loved to drink so much, and watching the soft colored foam rise slightly over the cup and drip down its side.

Meliodis passed the wooden cups over to you with a smile and began to fill the cups of others who asked. It seemed like he loved the job as much as you did.

While serving the men their booze you soon heard the sound of plates clattering against a wooden surface, and your body went cold as you only knew what that meant.

Turning you could see Meliodis staring with a smile as the men who must've asked slowly lifted their forks filled with "Meat pie" to their mouths.

Those poor souls, and you weren't even sure if he actually had meat in that pie.

You weren't even sure if it was edible.

"Wait don't eat that-"

Unfortunately before you could stop them, the "Meat" Pie was already in their mouth and the awful flavors soon consumed their taste buds. You flinched your hand back at the sound of the glass hitting the floor.

Soon enough it ended up back on the floor, and the men were anything but happy.

"HEY WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT?"

"IT WAS DISGUSTING!"

In responds to their complaints Meliodis just shrugged and held a care-free expression amongst his face as he responded.

He wasn't even phased by their insults to his cooking, or the fact that he shouldn't have even tried to give his customers food poisioning.

"Hey you asked, and I never said it would be good." This caused more yelling, and so you sighed.

Now it was all left upon you to fix the situation at hand.

Walking over to the loud table, your heels (No matter the gender, they all basically wore heels at one point) clinking against the floor, and the room was still loud.

Holding onto the now empty pan you looked at the men with a sympathetic glance, regardless of how bad the food was they were still gonna have to pay for it.

"Listen, I apologize for the horrendous food and I'll make you new plates on me but you are still required to pay for this"

"LIKE HELL WE WILL!"

You sighed in defeat and looked at Meliodis for assistance.

To this he nodded and moved his hand up, and reached for his sword that was held tightly onto his back.

"Well in that case you're not leaving"

When the men caught glimpse of his sword, the fear in their eyes were obvious and you smiled sarcastically as you asked them a simple question.

"So would you like me to cook instead?"

"Y-Yeah, and we'll totally pay"

"Great! Now let's get this cleaned up!"

Now satisfied with the answer you were given, you reached your hand in the air and snapped your fingers, a small satisfyed smile plastered upon your face.

Soon enough there were quick little clicking sounds of things that only sounded like heels or even hooves hitting the floor.

Then a small, round and pink figure appeared before everyone's eyes.

"I am Sir Hawks! The order of scraps disposal!"

"Hey Hawks! There's some scraps here for ya!" 

You explained as you looked up to see the shocked faces upon the faces of the various customers who entered a few moments ago.

"A talking pig?!"

Before Hawks could answer you interrupted, and explained the truth.

"Actually, this is Hawks. Our captain of scraps disposal."

You said as you gently laid your hand upon his head and guided it along his back. Gentle stokes soothed the small animal.

"It's like you love the bacon more than me."

Meliodas commented, to which you ignored completely as you happily patted Hawks back further proving his original point and making him look at hawk with the intention of picking on the poor thing.

"Hey have you heard of the rusted night?"

"Yeah, apparently its one of the seven deadly sins who got spotted. Now the holy nights are after em"

Hearing that immediately caught Meliodis and your attention, it was obvious by the way you two exchanged glances.

"Don't you Idiots know its just a myth for parents who wanna scare their kids into behaving?"

'Could it really be him?'

You thought to yourself, the only man you could remember. Coming back so soon? Getting himself into so much trouble? That doesn't truly sound like him.

Then, thats when it suddenly happened. The sound of armor clanking against floors, and bambing amongst the door until it burst open and there was a large suit of armor.

The screams of panic as the door flung open and people began to fled the Tavern.

While you and Meliodis just stood there. Relaxing your eyes in disappointment, but also in relief because it wasn't who you thought it was. 

You put your hands on your hips and waited for the imposter to anything except stand there starring at the two of you.

"That's not him Boss"

The power that person held was far to low to even compare to his. Still felt strange and familiar.

You watched as the armor fell to the ground with a huge thud and the top of the armor rolled off only to stop at your feet.

Crouching down you picked it up and stared at it for a bit. 

'It's not even his armor.'

You thought to yourself as you sat it down gently on the table beside you, and you walked over to meet Meliodis beside the person who was accused of being a  seven deadly sin.

Instead it was a girl with Silver hair, pale skin, one side of her bangs covered her eye and she had small earrings that looked like gears were inside of them.

This girl was very pretty.

You stripped her of her armor, and it was revealed that she had a black body suit underneath it.

Instead of Meliodis or Hawk, it was you Who brought her to a spare room and laid her down.

Pulling up a chair and a bucket of water from downstairs, you grabbed a rag off the table and turn so it could be soaked it in the warm water. Before pulling it u and wringing it out.

Then just before resting it on top of her head you turned to see Meliodis's hand laid gently upon the girls bossum.

"You pervert!"

Hawk said as you simply glared.

Meliodis and his perverted ways weren't knew but they weren't tolerated by you either.

You snapped your fingers, and a spear appeared. So you pointed it in the direction you required it to go, and managed to peirce Meliodis to the wall by the back of his shirt.

Then you turned and rung out the rag before setting it onto of the girls head, and soon after you did so you sat back and closed your eyes to wait until she woke up to do anything else.

"U-Um, excuse me? Where am I?"

A slightly high-pitched, yet gentle sounding voice called out confusedly as the sound of the bed creaking from slight movement could be heard.

You opened your eyes and sat up to face her. 

"So, you're awake? Good to know, and this is the boar hat Tavern. I work here with my boss."

You said pointing over at Meliodis as he kept making gropping motions to her with a smirk and a raising of his eyebrows. You grabbed the closest thing to you and slung it at him.

Honestly, saying you worked for him was embarrassing sometimes.

"Please ignore him for now. Anyway, you passed out earlier so I'm gonna have to check your heartbeat if you don't mind"

Once she nodded and answered with an "O-oh I don't mind at all, Thank you" You simply nodded in return and sat a firm hand behind her back.

"Breath in and out for me"

She did just as instructed, and once you sat a hand to her chest you noticed her face get a little red.

"Don't worry, this is just to make sure you have no medical issues"

You could tell by her arms relaxing she calmed her nerves, and once again you gently instructed her to break in and out.

"You took a pretty hard fall, and you were out for a long time."

Her heart rate was perfectly fine, she must've just been tired. So you stood up and snapped your fingers, while allowed the arrow that help Meliodis up to disappear.

"Alright! Now that I'm down let's get you some grub and you can explain everything to us!"

Since you had no issue with that you simply nodded with a bit of commentary before heading out.

"Listen, With all do respect. I'll do the cooking."

"Alright that's fair,  so go ahead (Y/N)" 

Meliodis wasn't really the type to argue people down when it came to doing certain things, and that meant when you offered to do something he usually wouldn't deny your help.

This is often why you ended up doing a lot of things Hawk offered to do without really wanting to do it.

Though you didn't mind it.

Just like you didn't mind cooking for a girl sitting in front of you right now, and hawk didn't mind either.

It was your cooking that was perferred over Meliodis's cooking anyway, but since you ended up doing the waiting and cleaning Meliodas didn't want you cooking too.

"So what are you doing here with that old armor anyway?"

You overheard Meliodis ask, and while you were curious as well you didn't want to immediately ask the girl things before getting her name.

So you rolled up a piece of paper and lightly tapped to top of Meliodis's head with it, and you sat the warm plate of food infront of the girl.

"Hey, at least ask for her name first boss."

You said as you pushed hawk away from drooling over her plate. 

"O-Oh no it's fine and thank you. I'm Elizabeth, and I'm here on a personal quest to find the seven deadly sins and Angel dove!"

After speaking she took a bite out of the food and hummed in delight.

With that being said you were more intrigued about the situation at hand, and you had questions to ask her.

Still, you stayed silent and exchanged a quick glance with Meliodis before looking back at the girl now known as Elizabeth.

"Why would you do That? Those guys have been missing for years and even if you did find them I hear that their seriously bad news."

Before anyone could utter another word there were heavy knocks upon the locked door of the tavern, and soon after a voice was heard. As curious as you were to what she wanted with them that knocking was familiar

"Open up! The villagers told us you were in there, and we are the order of the bearded cats serving under the holy knights!"

"Rusted knight, member of the seven deadly sins come out! Do so peacefully!"

The entire thing was making sense, so the reason they were hear was possibly because of a villager reporting Elizabeth. 

A simple misconception, but it wasn't anything to get upset over.

"Wonder whats going on with everyone today?"

Meliodis said, and still seeming extremely calm and unmotivated to give an actual reaction to anything going on so far.

"Holy knights.."

Elizabeth on the other hand seemed frightened by the mention of holy knights, so it was only obvious that something must've happened. You mentally cursed at the name, knowing just how they can be.

Which is why you were helping her.

While Meliodis and Hawk distracted the ones working for the holy knights, you and Elizabeth would run away with what little time you had before they caught on.

"HEY GET OUT HERE"

An annoying sounding voice called out, and it sounded like an attempt to scare you all into telling them where the one they were looking for was.

It only seemed to work on Elizabeth, who stopped in her tracks and caused you to have to do that same so you could show her out.

"Come on Elizabeth, don't freeze up like that or they'll find us"

You warned and she nodded in response.

You could still hear the conversation as you were ushering her out the back door of the tavern.

"Yeah? What's up?"

"Who are you little kid?!"

"Well I'm the owner of this place"

"The wondering rust knight is here so you'd better call him out!"

An aggravated sigh was let out by Meliodis.

"You'd better come out"

Once again little hooves, this time followed by the sound of metal clanking together got further from you and Elizabeth as hawk approached the door.

"Oh ho ho, I am sir hawk, the rusty knight!"

"This pig is one of the seven deadly sins?"

"Well of course its not!"

"How about a little respect, I'm the captain of the order of scraps disposal!"

"There is no such order!"

"If this pigs what your after you can grill him if you want."

"Gimme a break! Will ya!"

With that being said you finally got Elizabeth out the back door and onto the hill outside, but when you overheard someone you turned to see Meliodis being lifted by one of the knights.

"Listen here you little punk nobody gets away with making fun of knights like this!"

You were convinced that Meliodis would be fine on his own for a bit so you didn't say anything and kept telling Elizabeth to run. 

"Come on, he'll be fine I promise"

So with those words you both began to ran.

"Look that person is running away with that girl!"

'Damn, that's not good' 

You thought to yourself as you kept running with Elizabeth, and hoped you two would be fast enough without getting caught by anyone else.

"We have to inform sir twiggle! She must be the wandering rust knight and that person must be her acquaintance!" 

"Get her!" 

One knight yelled and the others soon followed, from what you could put together the one making assumptions was their leader.

 Now you and Elizabeth were on the run from those knights, and Elizabeth managed to trip over a few branches.

While helping her to her feet you noticed some were getting knocked a few inches away from you both, and you noticed who it was by the voice.

"I'm not letting you get away!"

Hawk bought you two enough time and you managed to get Elizabeth back to her feet so you two could keep running, only to be brought to a cliff where one was gaining up to you.

"No you leave me alone!"

He seemed to fear hawk, and the thought of someone who claimed to be such a brave knight being afraid of such a small piglet made you giggle.

So when you two manged to dodge the cliff, you picked Elizabeth up and jumped into a nearby tree beside Meliodis.

"Hey boss"

"Hey (Y/N)"

"I don't know how I could ever thank you for saving me, not just once but two times?"

Meliodis must've caught her off guard just like he did to you when he groped her bossum in his hand, so while staring at him with a blank expression you kicked him out the tree. 

"Dirty pervert."

"So why are you looking for the seven deadly sins?"

Meliodis asked, now standing beside Elizabeth with dirt on top of his head.

"I want to ask them to help me stop the holy knights...."

Elizabeth began to explain, and it seemed like she was troubled by it so of course she was asked more questions regarding the subject .

"Are you serious why would you wanna do that? The holy knights are the kings men they're the ones who protect liones. They're all heros!"

You didn't disagree with what Hawks said but he should word it much better.

"But...what if they're the ones who are about to start a war...?"

"What?"

You had your suspicions but you never knew it was this bad.

"The other day, everyone except the king himself was arrested by the holy knights"

"So the king isn't really sick?"

Elizabeth shook her head no, so know you all know it was a lie.

"That was just a cover story, I don't know what they think they can accomplish by putting the kingdom through a war and now they're gathering men from everywhere and maybe even here"

"Wow, that's awful"

"Yeah tough luck"

"Boss you could try to sound more sympathetic!"

You scolded before taking a deep breath and turning to Elizabeth to ask a question.

"So Why would you wanna gather up the seven deadly sins??"

"Well, if there's a chance of saving the kingdom from the holy knights....I know the scene deadly sins are the only ones who can!"

After a short moment of silence Meliodis spoke up about the whole thing.

"So you wanna gather the seven deadly sins despite the type of people they are?"

She nodded and turned to look over at the edge of the cliff as if thinking about what to say next or visualizing it.

"The seven deadly sins, a group of vicious, bloodthirsty knights personally chosen by the king himself and all given a mark of a beast. All cast out because of an accusation of them plotting to destroy the kingdom. The knights launched an attack that drove them out and scattered them around."

"Well if you believe the rumors they all died a long time ago"

"Such amazing people wouldn't possibly let themselves get killed!"

To those words you sighed, crossed your arms over your chest and closed your eyes.

"Look, I get that it might be hard to believe but if you're willing to risk it all to find the seven deadly sins prepare for disappointment because you might only run across a few."

You explained to Elizabeth who seemed shocked by your words alone, but the look in her eyes were different then her actions. 

"But the holy knights will keep causing trouble for the people if I don't do anything at all!"

You raised an eyebrow at her words, and wondered who could've made her have so much hope in these guys after all.

"When I was younger, my father would tell me stories about them. They were the most powerful knights!"

Unfortunately Elizabeth was cut short, and the ground beneath you all began to break and crumble.

Soon enough you were all falling to the ground, and you grabbed a tight hold on hawks ears, yanking him into your arms and wrapping them around him.

"OH GIMME A BREAK!"

Hawk yelled as you gripped onto his smaller form and carried him off to safety while Meliodis grabbed ahold of Elizabeth 

"Woopsie, I forgot to confirm if they were the people named in the report, conclusion three people of unknown origin killed under unknown circumstances."

"But sir, a knight is down there too!"

"Then you can add four people to the report. Does that sound like a problem?"

"But sir twiggle that's to far even for you!"

"How about eight fatalities instead?"

The bigger knight who knocked the cliff completely apart was now taking steps towards the group of weaker knights who begged for mercy.

Just before he made a move you and Meliodis jumped back up the cliff, and now you've gained his attention.

Dropping the knight on his face and lightly setting hawk to his feet, you could stand straight up without a weight on your back.

"You there, how dare you survive without my say so?! I shall not let this go unpunished"

The way he grabbed his sword and spoke, you could only assume he was prepared to attack, but he sounded so silly it was hard to take him seriously.

"Hey you awake?"

Meliodis asked Elizabeth who he still held in his arms, and once she responded he gave clear instructions 

"When I give you a signel I want you to run into the forest." 

He then put her down and you looked at hawk before putting the knight on his back "you do the same hawk" you instructed .

"You can count on me (Y/N)!" 

You smiled at hawk who was prepared to run, and turned your head to glare at the knight who still had a lot to say.

"Which one of you claimed to be apart of the seven deadly sins? Neither bares any resemblance to those wanted posters."

Yet he stopped looking at all of you when he got to Elizabeth and instead his eyes widened.

"Aha, the gods are smiling upon me today. That gear you have in your earrings is one from the royal kingdom which means in conclusion you are princess Elizabeth!"

Keeping your eyes glued on the knight infront of you as he approached Elizabeth and kept running his mouth about how the kingdom was looking for her and how he'd have no trouble reporting her as missing or worse.

You hated how much of a liar he was, and how selfish he was as well. 

"He sounds so stupid."

You grumbled as you put your hand infront of your body and aimed it at the man standing infront of you all. You could send him back to where he came from and continue on with your day.

Before you uttered a word Meliodis grabbed your wrist and looked at you as if he was worried, but it then quickly shifted to a reassuring smile

"Hey let me handle this one okay? You should go with Elizabeth and hawk!"

You looked down and just as the man continued on, Meliodis signaled you all to start running. As off putting as it was to see him stop you, maybe it wuld make sense later.

"Conclusion! Accidental death!"

Just as you both were about to be hit Meliodis pushed the two of you out the way. 

"Hey, you alright hawk?"

"Do I look alright? I'm pork on a stick!"

Next thing you know hawk was running away calling for his mom, and you both thanked Meliodis for saving you before standing up.

"Pig? No matter."

Elizabeth got up and began to walk towards the man who you now assumed was sir twiggle.

"What are you doing Elizabeth?"

You and Meliodis asked in unison.

"Maybe if I turn myself in I can convince him to spare your lives"

Just as she said that he lifted his sword and another dangerous attack was thrown her way, causing you to push her out the way. rolling and clutching your hands around her.

"Looks like he wants us all dead"

Just as you said that Elizabeth began to cry. You held her in bridal style and tightened your grip to stop the remaining dust from hitting her.

"Why... I was so happy when I met you two.. I've been searching for the seven deadly sins all alone and I was so scared."

"Walking around in that rusty armor hoping nobody would recognize me...but I had nobody to turn to, so when I met you two I was so happy, showing so much kindness to someone you don't know! Thats why I don't wanna involve you in my problems anymore!"

You didn't know why but seeing her cry reminded you of someone you knew from when you were much smaller. It never happened before, and the only person you thought you knew was someone who you haven't heard from in years.

Either way you stood up and smiled.

"I'm (Y/N)"

"And I'm Meliodis, if you wanna know"

Her eyes went wide and she gasped, Elizabeth was in utter disbelief when she heard our names.

"No way, it can't be how can you?"

Sir twiggle got close, and now he was sure he would hit us. He raised his sword above his head and slammed it down but his attack was blocked by You and he was attacked by Meliodis.

Stumbling back in shock he spoke up.

"How is this possible? My structure was flawless, I was sure I struck you down with my blade but here you are standing infront of me and I took the blow?!"

"Meliodis....(Y/N) is that you??"

"Wait, now your face is starting to look familiar, but if that's true how could you still look exactly the same!?"

"Alright times up, figured it out yet?"

"How dare you still exist!!!"

Just as Sir twiggles lifted his blade to attack, Meliodis seemed to block every piece of magical strength thrown at him and knocked him off the cliff along with his armor.

 "The dragon sin of wrath. Meliodis!"

[wc-wild-rewrite]

Rising Storm reread!

Overall, 9.5/10, thoughts at the bottom of the post. Half point removed for having an odd pacing, not much technically happened but also a lot happened as well, i always think the events of this one are in forest of secrets.

Prolouge

Huh, they actually foreshadow the second arc and skyclan, neat

Careful Runningnose, i dont like the way you phrased that

Ooo spooky omens, i like it

Chapter 1

Im retracting my statement from last book, i dont like cloudpaw

Tigerclaw was banished a quarter moon ago

Might be harsh, but fireheart's right, cloudpaw's gotta learn respect for the prey

More exposition, but placed better, feels more like his memories than the authors

Willowpelt is expecting

Why have ash and fern not been apprenticed yet, their a moon older than cloud

Thank you whitestorm for helping our boy with patrols

In fireheart's defense, its hard to keep track of where one cat is, nevermind a whole clan

Aww hi brightpaw

So mistlekit is still alive, eh? Kit survived the whitecough bought

Unfortunatrly the elders werent incorrect in their worry

I like this start, the writing is far smoother

Chapter 2

"Your eyes have always betrayed your heart" i really like that line

Fireheart being scared of a kitten is shockingly in character, same tom who overthought a mossball comment

I like the implication that bluestar and leaders generally visit the nursery a lot

Ah, theres the slightly jarring exposition

I love whitestorm so much

I know it wasnt canon at the time of writing the book, but i like that whitestorm's the one to be concerned, thsts his auntie

Honestly i can't blame bluestar for losing trust so fast, being backstabbed like that can really mess with your head, i've seen it happen

But thats also really sad, she was so happy to announce cloudpaw's ceremony last book

Cloudpaw has been an apprentice for a half moon

Fireheart, lets not continue with the pity

Cinderpaw was made yellowfang's apprentice a moon and a half ago

From an author persepctive, not a fan of cinderpaw's worry here, but from a character perspective, i understand her, its a lot to learn, especially at such a young age with people's health at stakr

Ok i understand why he chose darkstripe instead of sandstorm, no need to risk more clan unease at the moment, but god i hope he explains this rationally to sandstorm

Chapter 3

I know bluestar's aggression is a bad thing, but she's got a point, two attacks in one moon means you gotta keep some around

Cloudpaw being annoying, as usual

Ash and Fern, yay!

Chapter 4

Oo, i like the imagery of that nightmare

Ah, here's bluestar's...not mania, i dont think thats the word, but impulsiveness, maybe

Haha runningwind doesn't like cloudpaw, cant blame him

I like bluestar in book 2 was like "runningwind is a good cat but he wouldnt be good with apprentices" and he keeps getting stuck with apprentices

Chapter 5

Exposition part 3

Even with her mind clouded, her instincts are sharp

Yay bluestar's happy

Oh nevermind

Ah, hello mudclaw, not the last time your gonna cause trouble

Bluestar no-

Chapter 6

Goddamn it cloudpaw

Both runningwind and fireheart are increasingly exasperated with him

Fireheart, your the most patient cat on earth for putting up with cloudpaw for so long, lets hope it pays off

Chapter 7

Quarter moon since the moonstone attempt

Graystripe has been in riverclan for nearly a moon

Greenleaf is furball season

Stop looking at him, your making him nervous

Chapter 8

Ok, wildly abrupt time cut

Littlecloud was 3 moons old when he was apprenticed in the first book

Jesus, poor kit

Damn, i feel bad for these two

This whole time and no one was aware of these paths?

Chapter 9

Not sure how i feel about this new sandstorm

Oh look Fireheart, cloudtail took your advice from the first book

Chapter 10

I know hes written as arrogant, and he is very arrogant, but his confused look there gives me "autist who needs a rule to be explained far more bluntly" vibes, as one myself

Willowpelt's kitting

Aw no poor cinderpaw

Oh, cinderpelt. When'd she get her name?

Two she-cats and a tom, eh? Alright, rain, soot, which of you is the trans tom?

Bit of an awkward transition to the next day there, but alright

Two moons since the last rain

Chapter 11

Aw, cinderpelt

Fireheart cant stay mad at his baby sister forever

Sandfire advenetures!

Cloudpaw no!

Chapter 12

Okay, bad wording fireheart, but sandstorm turned way too quickly

Oh, poor ash

Chapter 13

Aw, ashfur, babie boy. Im gonna hate you next arc

Ok good, bluestar still has some wisdom in hef

Fireheart please take cinderpelt's advice, let spottedleaf go

Chapter 14

Brackenfur's not stupid, he can see u like her, fireheart

Aw, whitestorm's so concerned for his aunt

Im just picturing bluestar lying on her side, sadly licking dew from individual leaves

Chapter 15

Willowpelt not being forced into mother or warrior solely, for the win!

Oh no, runningwind!

Ah shit, there goes whitethroat

Tigerclaw u fucker

Chapter 16

GET HIS ASS FIREHEART

Skinny tigerclaw is a cursed image

Whitestorm to the rescue!

And greystripe!!

Chapter 17

I love how considerate fireheart is

Uh oh, bluestar, please stay calm

I think the writers got confused on mourning rituals, isnt it those closest to the dead that sit vigil?

Still, poor runningwind

Thornpaw, buddy! You've been given absolutely no characterization so far, poor guy, the neglected littermate

Yellowfang's reminded of Brokenstar, isnt she

Chapter 18

Aw, brackenfur playing with the kits

What ever happened to the "dont eat on hunting patrols" thing he was critizing cloudpaw about earlier?

Ravenpaw!!! My buddy!!!

Oh lord, exposition

Cloudpaw's been missing for a quarter moon

Chapter 19

Goddamn why is sandstorm so quick to fight with him

I see where shes coming from, dont leave the clan unguarded to go pick up your nephew from a twoleg nest, but have like, a reasonable discussion at least

...au where brightpaw comes across tigerclaw during the journey back to camp and gets kidnapped or killed

He has his own territory!! Good for you, dude!

Chapter 20

Thunderclan tree scaling skills coming in handy again

Why is sandstorm so harsh against ravenpaw???

Im glad ravenpaw has confidence, and a lot of it, given he just willingly alerted dogs to himself

Chapter 21

Cloudpaw better be on a redemption arc now, i really want to like him

Deadfoot nooo

Haha webpaw said fuck that

Aw, ashpaw, cutie

Hell yeah, more elders liking cloudpaw content

Chapter 22

Bluestar's memory is fading isnt it

Ok good cloudpaw's improving

I love these nightmares and omens, shame ive never seen fanart for them

Chapter 23

Ah, the fire, time for heartbreak

Ough, the image of patchpelt trying to drag halftail to saftey

I know yellowfang dies this book but shes gotta be alive! Shes just gotta!

Au where yellowfang survives and teaches leafpool

Chapter 24

Nooo, patchpelt!

Au where bluestar dies instead of yellowfang

Huh, they remembered mistlekit's existence, but not the fact she should definitely be an apprentice by now

Chapter 25

Ah good, leopardfur's softening a bit

Aw, smallear wanting to bury patchpelt

I'd be neat if one of the willowkits got asthma from this, but i know they dont

Chapter 26

Darkstripe you dick

Yess dustpelt becoming likeable

Bluestar's getting worse, isnt she

Storm and Feather! Babies!

Chapter 27

I like crookedstar

God, it really is destroyed, huh

Poor halftail

This is horrific, one of the worse deaths, if shes still conscious when fireheart finds her, she was probably conscious all night

"I wish you had been my son, but i could not have borne a cat like you" god.

Oh god, the image of fireheart desperately talking over her, knowing shes gone, ough

Chapter 28

I cant even blame bluestar here, i'd break from this too

Rip yellowblue shippers (fangfur? Bluefang?)

Three quarter moon

Chapter 29

I think cloudpaw has gotten "my boy!" status

Whitestorm's such a good warrior, man, i love him

Darkstripe's a dick part ???

Chapter 30

Gorsepaw!!!

Tallstar!!!

See, this is why i love firestar, he didnt have to tell runningnose personally, he could've just announced it

Ohoho, hello tigerclaw, you evil fucker

My thoughts

9.5/10, technically a lot happened but it also felt like nothing happened, so half a point off. I liked it though, the writing is holding up so far, everyone's mostly in character- aside from sandstorm's flip-flopping- and the fire scenes were brutal. Not necessarily my favourite so far, but high up

[storylocke]

Turning Point: Family

Moneychu:

I can't believe you didn't even notice it wasn't me! Didn't even notice I was missing!

Gardevoir:

Oh, we noticed! Not that you had been replaced, but we were certainly booking it out of there as soon as we got hit by that Skuntank. Or at least I was. Nasty Poison things.

Toxicroak and Drapion:

[Turn to her with Toxicroak crossing her arms in offense]

Gardevoir:

Don't give me that look. You *are* nasty, and I know you love it. I'm just grateful you're not hard on me.

One:

Tch, because you're ~so~ fragile, right, Princess?

Toxicroak:

No, no. I'll give her that one. 

Puuyun:

[Let them duke it out then, the Houndoom goes over to the Pikachu and sits next to him so he can drape a paw on his tiny shoulder] Money, my man, do you know how many Pikachu were around there? How would any of us know that in the thirty or so running around there that one of them was just you getting left behind? 

Moneychu:

Yeah. I know. That's why I left that place, remember?! [Throws him off and starts to storm off] Just one of the reasons to hate the place. So crowded, so enclosed, and no one would even care if something happened to me. And guess what! You didn't!

Everyone:

[Huddled around the campfire when he storms past them. Overlapping calls after him "aw, buddy!" "That's not true!" "Oh come on!"] 

Moneychu:

Don't even start! It wasn't even another Pikachu I got swapped with, it was a damn SKUNTANK and you didn't notice! They aren't even native to the Trophy Garden and you didn't think something was up?!

Auguste:

Yeah, I screwed up, I get it! And you know what? We spent over a day looking for you! And that should tell you something, *we came back for you*! Do you know how hard that is? And I don't just mean the three ring circus act we just did to find you! I don't look back! 

[He waits for a response but the Pikachu merely keeps his back to them. His ears sink down with the weight of the words, betraying his emotions that he realized that.] 

Auguste:

[It hurts actually saying it out loud, even if it's something he'd known for a long time. Memories of the dozens of teammates he'd had try to flood his mind as he struggles to keep himself on track.] When someone leaves, or dies, or gets taken away, or an "accident," I. Don't. Go. Back! I don't question! I've found it's a lot less painful that way. But when we saw you were gone… I don't know, Money, it just hit differently. [Gardevoir comes over to place a hand on his arm, but he motions to her that he's okay.] And it's not because you're the strongest, or super rare, or even because of any type coverage I'm aware of. Heck, some of the Voices said that French chick would have been better if we trained her up and fits right along with the rest of the Poison-Dark theme I have going! [Mockingly] "Oh, but having another Poison means we're super weak to Earthquake" like an Electric type is any better-! [Gardevoir gives him a hard nudge as this speech really isn't making it sound any better] Sorry. The point is… Truth is I don't know why I did it. There was a big hole in the group, y'know? We need you. **I** need you. [Glances back at the group] Heck, I think I need all of you way more than any of you need me. Can you forgive me?

Moneychu:

What's there to forgive? I know you're right. [He softens a bit at his tone, but keeps his gaze to the ground before him] Look, we all know I'm the weak link on the team. I could've been dumped at any point in the last month, holding you back against Cyrus, being absolutely useless there at the League. The problem is, I don't know where I'd be without you guys. [Finally turns around] I'm not even mad at you guys, really. When I got pulled away, watching you all disappear into the grass and realized I was literally right back where I started. Part of the collective, the high walls… It scared me. And maybe [fidgets a bit with his paws] brought up some bad feelings that got nothing to do with you guys. I was mad anyway. Mad at myself. But then it got dark. [He looks like he could just cry] And then I didn't even have my siblings around. I was being carted away somewhere, and *that* had me petrified. It was one thing if you all somehow left without me, but then to be taken away, I had no hopes you'd ever be able to find me! And now that you're here, I just… I should be elated to see you, but I don't know how I'm supposed to feel. I'm *still* scared, I'm *still* angry, and I *still* can't believe it was all so easy! 

Toxicroak:

Sheesh. We're the ones who got sprayed, and you're the one making a big stink about it. [Walks over to him, warmly] Maybe we could all use a little bling after all this. [Playfully grabs him by the shoulders and shakes him to get a smile] Put that Light Ball on a gold chain around your neck, we'll be able to see ya for miles~! 

Moneychu:

[Soft hmph, but he's fighting off a grin as it would only give her the satisfaction] 

Gardevoir:

I'm sensing you may still be in a state of shock. Maybe it hasn't set in yet that you've actually been rescued. 

One:

Yeah, no offense, but you're kind of a pet. Most of us are little gremlins that came from a hole in the ground. You're not used to that kind of action. 

Puuyun:

And even when you do see action, you tend to black out. 

Moneychu:

[Huff] You know you're really not helping. Even if it is true. 

Auguste:

We'll work on that. 

Puuyun:

Eh, we've all got our problems. But at least we already know some of yours if you ever need to vent. 

Moneychu:

Careful, I might take you up on that. 

Auguste:

Come on. Might be time we all did. 

[Auguste motions for them all to settle down in a circle around the campfire.] 

Gardevoir:

We truly are glad to have you back. As soon as I saw you were gone, I was afraid you went the way of Pachi. 

Toxicroak:

Hmph, how come you of all Pokemon didn't know he'd been switched?

Gardevoir:

They replaced him with a Dark type. My sensing abilities have no power there. The only member of the team I keep constant detection on is Fic. [The little Manaphy by her side just looks up at her with a quiet wide-eyed innocence about what she could mean. Oh to not because Psychic when the Voices are around. She smiles down at the babe anyway and runs a paw over its head in a motherly kind of way] Auguste is right though. [Cheeky grin] If we come across a Ground Trainer, you all are screwed~~! 

[There comes a collective outcry of various forms of "Oh, shut up, Gardee!" as she holds up a Psychic shield as Moneychu and Toxicroak pelt her with whatever pebbles they can grab. Puuyun and One were laughing at least. Dr. Fic moves to snuggle up beside Auguste. And even if he should say something, Auguste just basks in the playful snarking that follows as it seems things were back to the way they should be.]

=+=

A/N based on a fairly late game incident where we were hunting for a Light Ball in Brilliant Diamond.

I like to think this whole lost Moneychu arc is the mansion owner finally being done with Auguste and his trespassing. That was his Pikachu anyway and the Skuntank aren't local to the garden, so think of Frenchie slipping into the party like a nasty surprise for our little thief to teach him a lesson. But where is our Pika?! We fled the mansion ~~but can't flee the stench~~ and because Auguste can talk to his Pokemon, probably found out from Frenchie that the rat has been sent elsewhere. Maybe she'll even tell us where if we do something for her. We helped her win a beauty contest, so she leads us to the shop where we found our boy!!

[bookwyrminspiration]

Shattered Upside Down

A kotlc wings au: masterpost here

Chapter 36: Comfort and Contingency

word count: 7.4k

chapter summary: As Sophie faces the revelations of the diary, she has to keep moving forward and takes a risk after Keefe figures something out.

warnings: death (carry over from prior chapters), grief, that's mainly it!

taglist: @cosmogyral-cleo @axels-corner @cadence-talle @ahecktonoffandomsinoneblog @milesspidermanmorales @loverofallthingssmart @cowboypossume @jolieharkness @wings-of-hell-and-beyond @shellyseashell @blossomjenniie @akotlcblog @imaramennoodle @panic-at-the-multi-fandom-chaos @dragonwinnie-kotlc @solreefs @fintan-pyren @jazzanddaydreams @xanadaus @sa-divine

-ao3 link here or read below

In the moment it’s always oh so easy to forget how to feel, to push everything to the side and only focus on what’s most prudent in a single second. But that cannot last forever, and it shouldn’t. There will always come a time where one needs to step back, where you need to break down.

For Sophie, that time was right now.

“Sophie? Sophie what happened? Why are you crying?”

Was she?

Numbly, she raised her fingers to her cheeks, surprised to feel them come away wet, staring down at them as though they belonged to someone else. The fingers were shaking, trembling down the whole arm--the entire body, actually. Shivering and unsettled and wobbling as tears tracked their way down its cheeks.

She couldn’t feel any of it, could only see that little bee drawn on the page, only remember the line written in looping, shaking writing. Don’t let Murad know, don’t let Murad know.

Why not?

“Sophie? Sophie, this is starting to get really concerning, are you okay?”

Was she?

“No,” she choked out, covering her face with her hands as she tried to breathe, the enormity of the diary all crashing down on her at once. When she’d been in the middle she’d been too focused on getting through it, on absorbing as much as she could, looking for any detail that would help her learn something.

Now that she was done…

She pressed harder against her skin as if the pressure would calm her down. “It’s so awful.”

“What is?” There were hands on her shoulders gripping tight, shaking her gently. She didn’t know whose they were.

“Everything.”

“The book? The diary?” Dex asked, and she nodded, wiping at her eyes as she tried to focus on taking deep breaths. In and out. She started to count them, mind latching onto the numbers to try and keep itself from mulling over all the words, all the misery she’d absorbed.

That gnome’s life was ingrained in her memory now. There would never be a time when she could forget it, the curse of her photographic mind. She’d always recall each page, each stroke of the pen, the final smudges of ink.

When she refocused, letting the numbers piling in her head fade away, she found herself surrounded by concerned faces. Wrinkled brows and tight lips and wide eyes.

Tam had perched on the arm of her chair, a hand on her shoulder--he must’ve been the one shaking her--while Wylie sat criss-cross on the floor a little ways in front of her.

Dex stood beside her, arms crossed over his chest as his eyes scanned her face. When he saw her looking back, he straightened up, pausing only a moment before continuing.

“Did you find out how they died?” he asked, remembering her earlier comment. “I thought we already knew that. The monsters got them. Being in the trees only kept them away for so long--that’s why there were broken things and claw marks everywhere.”

Sophie shook her head, keeping her mouth firmly closed.

Wylie shifted then, leaning forward. “You can tell us you know. Whatever it is, it’s not something you have to deal with alone.”

Pausing for a moment, she glanced at the diary, knowing that if she didn’t say something about it she’d spend the whole night tossing and turning and thinking about it, and that wouldn’t do anyone any good. Besides, everyone else had to know eventually, even if they didn’t have to read the finer details or the specifics. That part she could keep to herself. She could protect them from that.

“Monsters did kill the gnomes,” she finally whispered, feeling Tam’s hand tighten on her shoulder again, the others nodding along. They knew this. It was the logical conclusion.

Tam prodded a little further as her voice failed her. “And?”

“And…it was Fintan’s fault. I don’t know how, but it was. He was there in the village for a few weeks trying to do…something! I don’t know what because the gnome didn’t know, but he was working with the monsters and it seemed like it was going well then everything went wrong and they all attacked. The gnomes weren’t even a part of it; they were only trying to help the animals and they ended up dead as collateral because of Fintan and Murad’s failure. I think it was an accident--it sounds like one what with Fintan collapsing, but it wasn’t the accident we thought it was--”

“It was tied to the Neverseen and Phoenix,” Wylie finished for her, looking off into the distance, thoughts she couldn’t translate written across his face.

Tam’s wings rustled behind her as he shook his head, trying to get his bearings. “Wait, so you’re saying that Fintan murdered the gnomes? Am I hearing you right?”

“Not exactly,” she mumbled. “It doesn’t make sense. Okay,” she said, sitting up straighter, all business. If she laid everything out maybe it would make more sense. Her friends sensed the shift and shut their mouths, ready to listen.

“The gnomes left the undergrounds because it was too hard being away from the sun and plants, we knew that part. They eventually ran into problems on the ground so they moved into the trees and built this village. But then Murad of all people, you know, the Phoenix member, shows up and finds them somehow despite this place being literally in the middle of nowhere--I mean seriously, we stumbled on this place completely by accident so how did he even get here? He shows up and asks them if he can use the village as a base of operations to work with the monsters--though the gnomes called them ‘affected animals’ apparently--because he claims he’s trying to fix them.

“And of course the gnomes are too considerate and generous for their own good, so they say yes, but then when Murad moves his people in--several people by the way, so clearly they’re better organized and equipped than the Neverseen--it turns out he’s working with Fintan! So now the gnomes are stuck in close proximity with him because as much as they hate him, they care about saving the animals and environment more, and then it gets even more confusing!”

She paused for a breath, brow furrowing as she rubbed at her temples, the pace keeping her from thinking about it enough to start crying again.

Wylie raised his hand tentatively. “You’re saying Murad and Fintan were here, as in where we are right now?”

“Yeah,” she nodded. “That’s why there’s non-elf sized furniture. For them and all the people they brought with them.”

“I don’t think I can ever sleep on a bed here again,” Dex said, making a face.

Tam chewed at his lip, hard enough she worried he’d bleed. “How does it get more confusing?”

Sophie dropped her hands back into her lap, launching into the next part of her venting rant. “Right! The gnome kept describing these weird occurrences and interactions between Fintan and the monsters in the area. The first one was--you know the clearing where you found me?” she said, directing the question to Wylie, who nodded. “I think that’s the space they were referring to. From the description of what happened, he was down there and touched a monster. It was super aggressive and looked like it was going to kill him, but Fintan didn’t move or back down or do anything, and then it started submitting itself to him! Letting it touch him! Which is completely different from the way monsters behave around elves--you remember what it was like.

“They’d attack without thought or hesitation, yet he was so close to it. And from there he gradually brought the creature closer and closer until it was in the village, right next to people. As if that’s normal. It was like Linh’s dragons, just there among everyone. Then more joined! There were multiple monsters in the village all because of Fintan and I don’t know how he did it. The gnome theorized that it was another ability, but that doesn’t make any sense. And then whatever he was doing stopped working and…well…with a bunch of monsters in the village…” she trailed off, rubbing at her temples again.

No one spoke for a moment, letting everything sink in for a moment.

Finally, Tam whispered, “That’s…a lot.” He sucked in a breath. “I think meeting you was the best and worst thing that ever happened to me, Sophie.”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean now I’ve…got you all, and Linh and I aren’t stuck at Exillium in the Neutral Territories anymore, but I’m also part bat and finding myself wrapped up in interspecies accidental murder via monsters by known terrorists while living in a place they lived. Being your friend is…interesting.” He shrugged as he spoke, eyes refracting the light as he glanced around, cheeks flushing as his wings shifted, leather rustling.

Dex made a face of reluctant agreement and nodded. “That is true. You always find yourself in the middle of everything, Soph. I mean, we’re willingly by your side, but jeez. Calm down.”

A surprised laugh interrupted her focused breathing, startling her. “You are remarkably calm about all of this; how are you doing that? I just told you Fintan was here and responsible, at least partly, for the death of all the gnomes who used to live here. We’re sitting on their furniture.”

His smile faded. “Yeah that’s…that’s creepy. I don’t know. I guess it’s…well, we can’t really do anything about that right now. We can’t change any of that. We still have Phoenix to rescue and Phoenix to take down. There’s still monsters everywhere. The gnomes…it’s awful and I hate it and I hate Fintan even more--and this Murad guy who was a total asshole to you. But I can’t do anything about that. I can do something about the rest, though. So, it’s not that I don’t care.”

Silence settled after he finished, long enough that he shifted uncomfortably. “Wow. That was a lot. Sorry. Forget I said anything,” he started waving his hands as though he could wave the words away, Sophie opening her mouth to reassure him otherwise when Wylie beat her to it.

“No, you’re right. It’s better to focus on what we can do. You’re probably better at that than most of us, that’s all. And it’s late, and while you and Tam are more naturally awake at this time, even Sophie’s insomnia isn’t. We can continue this later with everyone else.”

It wasn’t until he’d said it that she’d realized just how exhausted she was. Adrenaline from nerves over the diary entries had sustained her, the suspense of being unable to put it down despite knowing the ending.

Now, her shoulders drooped, eyes fighting to close, to put everything behind her, to give her mind a chance to process when she wasn’t there to witness it, to take over and shut her down.

She wanted to let it win.

“Right. Good idea,” Dex said, pointing at Wylie. “Um…” he started looking around the room. “You probably shouldn’t stay here. I don’t exactly have a bed you can borrow and I know you slept on the beanbag chair last time but…” he trailed off, gesturing towards said chair, which currently sat covered in various scraps of metal and poking wires. Honestly, she had no clue how Dex was even going to get all the pieces off; he’d be sitting on shards for eternity.

Sophie nodded along, moving to get up before realizing, “You don’t have a bed?”

“Nope. House didn’t come with one, and what with the owl thing, I don’t sleep as much anymore, so I usually just crash on one of the chairs.” He spoke nonchalantly, waving away her concerns as he offered her a hand to help her up, tired as she was. “I can walk you back to your place.”

Her place. Her place with a spot beside the bed you couldn’t even see from the entrance, a spot next to a window now shattered. A hiding spot for a terrified gnome. Right next to her bed.

Vehemently shaking her head, she pulled away. “No, not there. No.”

Dex furrowed his brows, starting to ask why before shaking his head, resting a hand on his hip as he tapped his fingers rhythmically, thinking. “Okay. Well, then--”

“She can stay with me,” Tam quietly interrupted, picking at the tender skin around his lip. “I’ve got a spare bed.”

Sophie didn’t say anything, only glancing between the three of them as they came up with a solution to a problem they didn’t even know, working things out so she wouldn’t have to as her mind lagged, body begging her to just give it up right then and there and sleep on the floor.

At least the fact that she was tired reminded her she’d gotten better about sleeping, even amidst everything else. Even without sedatives.

“Sophie?” Wylie asked, waving a hand in front of her face, snapping her back to the conversation as she blinked oh so slowly, savoring every moment her eyes closed and the world faded away.

“Hmm,” she responded, trying to stay focused on his face; the details kept slipping away.

He smiled slightly, looking like he was well on his way to being just like her. Slow blinks and slow movements, deep breaths and a tired heartbeat as he rubbed at his eyes. “You didn’t hear any of that did you.”

“Correct.”

“Don’t worry about it,” Tam cut in, shifting from side to side. “You’re coming with me. Let’s go,” he said, stepping closer and hesitating for a moment before he took her by the wrist, gently leading her towards the door.

Almost mindlessly, she trailed after him. It was Tam; she trusted Tam. What more was there to it? If he grabbed her hand and dragged her somewhere, he’d have a good reason and she’d trust it, even if sometimes he left her in the dark.

Everything was dark, actually. Sunlight seemed long forgotten as the stars took their quiet control of the night, galaxy swirling together so effortlessly eternal in the blank slate of the sky. Without anything nearby and almost no light produced in the village, you could see every detail the universe had to offer.

The only sound their shuffling feet against the wooden bridges as they swayed beneath them, they moved through it all. Tam’s fingers squeezed tight around hers, eyes squinted harshly, arguing with a racing heart.

Sophie had the vague memory of a night just like this, of walking through the darkness together, of holding his hand tightly and making sure he wouldn’t fall as he squinted at nothing.

Reaching forward, she tapped sloppily at his shoulder with her free hand. “Hey. If you tell me where to go I can lead, and then you won’t fall off and have to echolocate yourself back up.”

“I don’t echolocate,” he grumbled, rolling his eyes. Then after a moment, he said, “I’m near Linh. Not quite opposite her but--go to her and then you can find me.”

“I’ve already found you, you’re right here,” Sophie said, straightening up to get a better sense of where they were standing. Tam made some retort back at her under his breath, but she paid it no mind as she turned, making sure to hold his hand tight so she wouldn’t lose him.

Time passed in silence as she led him until Linh’s house became visible in the distance. He told her to turn and take a path past it, curving around the outskirts of the village and winding further and further away from everyone else. Of course Tam would be the furthest away, no matter how much they reminded him he always had a place set just for him in their family.

They passed practically right beside a dense copse of trees, forming a wall to their left she couldn’t even see through; she wondered how far it stretched, when it ended, considering running her fingers through the leaves.

“You missed it,” Tam said out of nowhere while they walked, stopping her up short.

“Hmm?”

“Right there, it’s a bit of a jump. You walked past it.”

“I have to jump?”

“Or fly. You have wings.”

“Why would you live somewhere you have to jump to?”

“Because I can fly. I don’t have to jump to it.”

A smile was pulling at his lips as he watched Sophie grapple with the conversation, pulling her back a dozen or so steps before gesturing with faux grandeur towards a particularly dense section of branches and falling vines and bushy leaves bordering the path.

“Tam, that’s a tree.”

“Sophie, that,” he corrected, “is the way to my house. Look,” he squinted a little, gauging something she couldn’t see, then disappeared into the thickest part.

Sophie tried to mirror his squinting, trying to find whatever it was that he’d found. The moonlight helped a little, but the exhaustion swaying her body meant her brain didn’t want to cooperate at all.

After a moment, Tam’s hand reappeared to grab her wrist, pulling her through the branches and dangling vines, greenery parting around her as her feet left the bridge and she found herself falling.

Snapping to attention behind her, her wings caught her fall, suspending her in midair as she adjusted, Tam’s hand falling from hers to give her more room.

“Oh wow,” was all she could think to say as she straightened, legs curling closer to her chest so as not to bump anything.

Peering down at the ground, the outlines of the roots of a thick cluster of trees were vaguely visible, all clumped and grouped together in a way that seemed almost unmanageable, like it would suffocate anything beneath it and around it. But it created a little pocket instead, a space hidden from everything around it.

Tam watched her take everything in from a sturdy branch in a tree just beyond the dense foliage they had pushed through--dense foliage she would suspect had been grown like that intentionally to keep everything behind it hidden once her mind started working again in the morning.

A few feet away from the bridge they’d just left sat the edge of another one, reaching reaching reaching towards the other without ever quite connecting. If you had enough spring in your step, you could jump it.

Trailing after the bridge, her eyes wandered further and further into the dark little alcove hidden in their village and landed upon the house, the house curved so expertly into and around the tree it sat upon and within that it seemed as though it had always been there, walls melding with branches and trunk so smoothly it was impossible to tell where one began and the other ended.

With such a thick canopy overhead, the walls had been saved the fading of the other homes in the village, a richer color blending with the continuous shadows the place must be covered with during the day.

“Are you going to stay there forever?” Tam asked, drawing her attention back towards where he stood, balancing on a branch with his back pressed against the trunk for more stability, the perfect stepping stone between the main bridge and this hidden one.

Taking a small jump forward, he deftly landed on the yearning bridge, stepping back a little to give her room to land next to him, wings going quiet, though the muted ache in her back made itself known.

“I’ve never seen your house before,” she mumbled as she followed behind him, this walkway much sturdier than all the suspension-style bridges interlocking the rest of the village. She’d gotten used to the constant sway and shifting surface beneath her, it was almost unsettling for it to be so suddenly absent.

Tam shrugged. “You didn’t need to.”

Slowing down so she could catch up, he watched her as they walked, though she didn’t pay it any mind. With her dwindling energy and lethargic body, he was right to worry about whether or not she’d topple off into the abyssal dark below them, her body waiting to be ravaged by monsters that might not be monster by choice.

Sophie listened to Tam’s heart hammering away in his chest as they reached the door, plain wood except for the hollowed out carving of a crescent moon near the top. All she could think was Hey, that’s just like Shrek’s outhouse, before he was pushing it open and tapping on something she couldn’t see.

Gentle lights flickered to life, strung all over the place in flowering bulbs and casting the room into subtle glows of pink and blue.

That was what she first noticed, but after that it was impossible to ignore the tree in the middle of his house.

“There’s a tree in the middle of your house,” she said, staring at the tree in the middle of his house.

“Yes, there is a tree in the middle of my house,” Tam said, astute and emotionless, dropping her wrist to walk around the tree.

It wasn’t an entire tree in the middle of his house, but rather part of the entire tree. From the outside the building appeared to blend right into the trunk, but from the inside that trunk split in two and went right through the center of everything. The flooring went close enough to the bottom of the visible part that there was no worry about falling through, but all manner of insects and other crawling creatures could slip through the crack; the ceiling was the same.

A few branches split out towards the upper portion, reaching towards a loft she could see if she tilted her head to the side. Close to the ceiling, it didn’t look good for much else besides storage.

The strings of lights reached all around the ceiling and occasionally zig-zagged out to dangle from the tree branches before jumping back to the ceiling. With a lag to her actions, she glanced around what she could see. A plush beanbag chair positioned atop a rug tucked into a corner, a small table beside it, a little dresser and shelf in the other corner beneath a window that wouldn’t get much light, Tam’s bag from the underground next to it.

A tree in the middle of his house.

Something thudded and bumped against something else, and Tam asked “Can I trust you to climb a ladder?”

“I’m not that tired,” she snorted, rolling her eyes. That was a lie. She was that tired.

He shrugged, positioning said ladder that he’d pulled from somewhere behind the tree that she couldn’t see, hooking it partially against a branch and partially against the floor of the loft.

Gesturing up, he said, “The beds are up there.”

Now that she thought about it, you could also fit beds up there, not just storage. Unless you considered people to be storage, in which case beds with people in them were still storage.

Nodding, she stepped forward, nearly losing her balance as she peered at the little crack around the tree in the middle of the house to see if she could see to the ground. She could not.

In silence, she tested her weight on the ladder, making sure it would hold with the last of her mental energy before pulling herself to the top, one rung at a time, ducking when she got close to the ceiling.

Hidden from her view on the floor, two beds lay tucked into each side of the loft. Just a mattress on the floor with a simple blanket and pillow draped over each, it looked cozier than anywhere else in the world.

She paused, heart pounding as she imagined the gnomes who must’ve occupied these beds, the gnomes who no longer were. She hadn’t thought about where she’d go if she didn’t go home, just knowing that she couldn’t sleep in her bed, not tonight. Not knowing that a gnome had crouched beside it in that hidden spot and written their last words.

Tam’s voice broke through the coiling anxiety in her chest, the immobilizing numbness. “No one lived here. It was empty when I found it, no sign of anyone being here. I found the beds in other houses and moved them.”

His comforting tone knocked something loose in her chest and she could move again.

These mattresses had belonged to someone else, but they’d been shifted around; this loft was no longer a place frozen in time waiting to be rediscovered until they’d stumbled upon it. It’d never even existed in the first place. The building, the mattresses, those had been there. But the final touch was Tam’s, and that was infinitely better than sleeping in the remnants of a ghost story.

As she flopped back on one of the mattresses, body entirely ready to just surrender then and there, Tam’s head popped into view, bat wings flaring slightly behind him as he found his balance, the soft light from the flower bulbs casting the skin into rosy tones, illuminating the veins stark against them.

“You’re…going to be okay, right?” he asked, squinting at her as he tugged at his bangs.

Sophie didn’t respond for a long moment, a weariness settling into her bones and dragging her down down down towards the earth, longing to bury her beneath it and feel the cool press of its weight against her skin. The earth was a long ways down.

Trailing her eyes away from Tam, they settled on the second bed. He had two.

“Stay?” she asked, tongue fumbling over the simple word.

He didn’t say anything, and her eyes fell solidly shut as she sought out the darkest corner of her mind to settle down in, casting a mental barrier around her consciousness. If she built a thick enough padding between her and everything else, cornering herself off, then she didn’t have to think about the messy handwriting on green-stained pages, smudged ink in fumbling whorls, petal covered covers somehow withstanding the test of time.

Shuffling sounded from the edge of the loft, moving steadily closer and closer as wood creaked beneathed Tam’s weight as he found his way to the second bed, falling atop it. Rustling blankets moved painfully slowed as she listened to him try to be quiet, try not to disturb her.

“Okay,” he whispered, but she’d already fallen asleep.

---------------------

Sophie Foster was the most solitary social creature to ever exist and the most social solitary thing to hate being her. She spoke to no one and knew everything about them, heard everything they said and everything they did not. She heard everything they did not say and said nothing in response.

People told her secrets they never told her, and she held onto them as if she didn’t know, rewarded with more secrets.

All she had to do was be there.

And then it was gone. She heard nothing and they said everything, whispers rounding cafeterias and names hissing like snakes in the air.

The mirrors in the hallway didn’t speak, but they said more. They said everything Sophie never had and never would and never would’ve thought to say.

She stood in the middle, peering down either side, the infinite and unending tunnels of mirrors upon mirrors stretching out on both sides of her. Left and right. Forever and eternity.

Looking back at her was Sophie. All identical, all mirrors of each other, all standing in this hallway made of mirrored walls, floors, and mirrors, all reflected back at each other. The same pale yellow undertones to her hair as it brushed against her shoulders, the same tilt to her head as she shifted her weight from foot to foot, the same hints of gold in her damning brown eyes, the same uneven eyelashes from all the picking they’d done, the same scar on the back of her hand in the shape of a star, the same worry crease between everyone’s brows.

Sophie watched Sophie watch Sophie and gave a little wave, watching Sophie watch Sophie wave back.

Where did the mirrored hallway lead?

When she’d first found it, first seen it, she hadn’t been there. There were no reflections, no movements, no Sophies. There’d been no feet she could use to step forward and further into the hall, a hall that seemed as infinite as another she’d found the end of once.

But now they were there.

Sophie looked back at herself from the mirror and all of her was there, scars and skin and wings and feet and all.

So she took a step to the right, then stopped.

Instead, she turned to her left, peering down the hallway, watching her reflections turn around themselves and peer in different places with her.

Right couldn’t be the right way to go; it was too obvious.

She went left, footsteps silent against the mirrored floors. Everything was silent. Sound didn’t exist in the hallway, no pounding heart nor buzzing wings penetrating the fog. And yet it didn’t unsettle her. Things were supposed to be quiet here, anything to the contrary would’ve been frightening.

Step after step she took in absolute silence, watching herself walk at her side from the corners of her mind, that dreamy haze distorting and discoloring and lagging around her.

One foot after the other, on and on and on, and all there was was more her, more walking, more mirrors. She didn’t think the hallway had any end.

She didn’t think she’d ever stop seeing herself.

Maybe that was the point.

---------------------

Sophie rubbed at her forehead as she walked along the yearning bridge, still finding her footing. Flecks of light bursting with triumph through the thick canopy over head dotted the ground, covered her arms, and she watched them for a moment, glad they didn’t make her skull throb any more than it already did.

She’d woken fitfully, the drowning lethargy of the night before no longer strong enough to drag her under and keep everything black in her head, the walls she’d placed around her consciousness fading as she subconsciously reached out, turning the words and events she’d learned over in her mind.

Waking fitfully would’ve been fine anywhere else, but when you woke fitfully in a small loft with a low ceiling, there was a risk you’d bump your head on it.

Sophie had bumped her head on it.

Which was fine. It wasn’t like her brain was her most important organ or anything, the source of her control for nearly all her abilities. She could afford to bang it around a bit, right?

At least, that’s what she told herself as she followed the bridge, fanning out the clothes she’d been wearing long enough to feel grimy, in search of something; she hadn’t figured out what she was looking for yet, but she’d figure it out.

Tam had been gone when she’d woken up, his bed mostly made aside from a few rumples that looked like he’d sat down for a while, maybe to wait for her.

Given that it was almost midday at this point, she couldn’t blame him for leaving her alone, though she would have to apologize for driving him out of his own house.

Fintan and Phoenix and Murad circled over and over again in her mind as she emerged from the thick foliage onto the main bridge, blinking through the sudden sunlight, unsure where to go from there.

They’d been the source of so many problems for so many people, completely changing the way their society worked, their ways of life. And from what she knew, they were going to continue to do so. Fintan may have made some good points in his dramatic monologues, but his methods weren’t something she could ever support.

And how had Phoenix gone from a kid who happened to be there to who she was now at the center of all of this? Could it really just be horrible luck, being in the wrong place at the wrong time?

Heading back towards the central parts of the village, voices overlapping each other and debating sounded up ahead. She didn’t pay them much attention, figuring if it was important people would clue her in when needed and if it wasn’t then she didn’t need to know.

“Hey! She’s awake!” Marella called out as Sophie rounded a corner and the center platform they’d had their faux campfires at came into view.

Marella sat with Keefe, Biana, Dex, and Linh in a loose circle, glasses of water and snacks between them all, though Keefe’s looked mostly untouched.

Awkwardly, Sophie gave a little wave. “Um. Hello. What are you all doing here?”

They glanced at each other, no one saying anything, though a few of their mouths looked like they were trying.

“I don’t like what that silence means,” she stated, dropping her hand to her side as she surveyed the area more closely; maybe there was something sitting out that would give her a clue as to what they were talking about.

Keefe shifted forward then, hands braced on his knees. “Okay, I know you said we couldn’t go to Foxfire because we didn’t know anything about what we’d be getting into--”

“Because all we know is that it has something to do with Foxfire, if that even is the correct answer. Which means we should not go there yet,” she interrupted and repeated, having a suspicious feeling she knew exactly where this conversation was heading.

Shaking her head, she started to tell him that she knew he wanted something to do and that he was going through a hard time right now, but he cut her off before she could finish the first word.

“I solved another part of your riddle. So technically we have more information and your point from before doesn’t matter anymore!”

Wind rustled through the leaves, brushing mussed strands of hair against her lips as she pursed them, already feeling another headache forming alongside the bump on her head.

She sighed. “Explain.”

Keefe sat up straighter, everyone else in the group glancing between the two of them as if watching their friend and a parent fight, awkwardly existing in the vicinity.

“Okay, sit down,” he instructed first.

Sophie closed the distance between her and the group, sinking onto a bench obediently, some rebellious part of her curious to hear what he had to say despite the danger it would inevitably entail.

Once she’d settled, he launched into his explanation. “I couldn’t sleep very well last night, and because we’d been talking about your riddle I kept thinking about it over and over again and I realized, if they sent the same first sentence--the exact same first sentence as each other, then we have to think of the two riddles not as riddles, but a riddle, only one. They’re working together. Bronte told us to go to Foxfire, but nothing else he said helped. So then I thought of it this way: Bronte is telling us the general area, but it’s Councillor Oralie who's talking details!”

Sophie looked at everyone else, who seemed to be up to speed on this idea, now watching what she’d say. “And?” she said, thinking over the rest of the riddle.

“‘History will have something sweet to say about you’” he said, the hint of a smile ghosting at his lips. “What do you think of when you think of Foxfire and sweets?”

“The mentor’s cafeteria,” she blurted out, then, “oh.”

Keefe snapped his fingers into finger guns, mouthing Bingo.

Marella pumped her first in celebration. “She got there!”

Someone laughed a little at that, and Sophie leaned back, scooting her hands underneath her so she wouldn’t reach up to pull on her lashes, though she wanted to desperately.

“There’s more, isn’t there,” she said, looking around the group. If he was just relaying information about the riddles--riddle--then why would they have gathered here like this?

That’s where he winced, running a hand through his hair, preparing himself. “Yeah, there is, Foster. I know you think Foxfire is dangerous, but what else are we supposed to do? Wait for it to not be? It’s not going to get better if we don’t do something, so let’s do something! We can make a plan--that’s why we’re all talking together--because I know you love those so much, but please don’t say that it’s too risky because literally everything we’re doing is risky. They sent you that riddle for a reason; we have to see what it means!” he finished, practically begging, hand pressed together, eyebrows scrunched and making the bag under his eyes even more prominent. He truly looked like he hadn’t slept a wink.

“Actually,” she said, carefully. “I was thinking that…that’s a good point.” It wasn’t going to get better if they didn’t do anything, and yet a part of her still wanted to ignore it and wait for it to fix itself. That way it wouldn’t be her friends, her family in the line of fire.

But they wouldn’t be her family if they weren’t putting themselves out there because they couldn’t stand doing nothing.

Keefe started back. “You were? I was not expecting that, like, at all.”

“Yeah, you’re usually really preachy about how we shouldn’t be putting ourselves in danger, and then you go and put yourself in danger,” Biana nodded, breaking the silent tension of the moment. No longer was it just her and Keefe talking, now it was a group discussion.

Or at least, a partial group discussion. “What does everyone else think about this?” she asked, briefly looking off to the side to do a mental scan for everyone. Tam, Fitz, Wylie, and Maruca were unaccounted for, and anything they decided she wanted their opinions on.

“Everyone’s more or less on board,” Dex supplied, tapping his fingers together absentmindedly. “Fitz and Tam are, of course, worried. But Maruca’s determined to protect everyone and make sure everything goes as smoothly as it can.”

“Where are they?”

He shrugged. “I don’t know. Keefe shared all the information he had and then there was nothing to do but wait for you to wake up. We weren’t actually talking about Foxfire until you came along, we were just hanging out. They’ll probably be upset that we’re talking about it without them, so maybe we should find them.”

“And after that? Now what?”

Biana leaned forward at that, speaking up. “Now is the part where you let me sneak into Foxfire to see how bad it is!”

“We’re not going to let you sneak in on your own!” Linh countered, flicking her with a splash of water like she was scolding a cat. Sophie couldn’t remember the last time she’d seen a cat; Echo certainly didn’t count.

Dex scooted back away from their bickering, wings clinking against the banister behind him as he searched fruitlessly for solace.

Biana shook herself off, droplets flying. “I’d be so quick and efficient, they wouldn’t even know I was there. Give me five minutes and I can see everything we’d need to know! You let me sneak in to spy on the Neverseen when we took them down the first time!”

“Uh, you did that without telling anyone,” Marella corrected with a snort. “Very Keefe of you, which is not a good thing in this case. No offense,” she added at the end with a glance at him.

Keefe shrugged. “None taken. You’re right, it was pretty stupidly Keefe of Biana to sneak away in the middle of the night to spy on the Neverseen….but, it did work. And this time we can be even more prepared! Like what you guys did when you went to Nightfall, the…um…not the Atlantis one,” he said, tripping over the last words.

That was his mother’s Nightfall. His mother he didn’t like to talk or think about who he’d been forced to think about more than anyone ever should’ve been in the past day. Distractions could only help so much.

“Fine, I’ll take Sophie with me,” Biana relented, covering his slip.

“There she goes, that Lady Fos-boss, always finding her way to the center of everything,” Dex sighed, rolling his eyes, though his lips betrayed him with their twitching smile.

Sophie put her hands on either side of her face, pressing on her temples. “I just woke up like twenty minutes ago.”

“That’s twenty minutes you could’ve been with me at Foxfire!” Biana said, looking very pleased that Sophie hadn’t actually said no to the idea.

Sophie sighed, running over everything in her head. Foxfire, the mentor’s cafeteria, the last things she’d heard about the place. That it was overcome with monsters, with broken glass and shredded grass fields. That it hadn’t been touched since the day it fell.

But…that wasn’t going to change if they didn’t do something. Murad and Fintan were making more monsters and losing more and more control everyday, dragging kids down with them in the process.

“Can I eat something first?” she asked, and Biana grinned her victory.

---------------------

We’re not going to do anything but look, she affirmed again, clutching as hard as she dared to Biana’s hand in her own.

This time, unlike the first Nightfall, Biana was on her left. That way Sophie and Biana both had their dominant hands available to do whatever they needed to in the case of an emergency.

Yeah, you’ve only said it ten times, Biana shot back, bouncing slightly next to her, waiting with anticipation for them to proceed.

Torn purple grass field lay sprawled out between them and the once-glittering pyramid. Now the glass sat cracked and decrepit and smudged, smeared and foggy, like it wanted to collapse in on itself. Around it, chunks of dirt and earth had been torn up around the place, flat terrain now bumpy and disheveled, like streets after a storm when all the debris and mud had been washed into the road, drying there until something came along to freshen it up.

There was no one to freshen this place up anymore.

Sophie had teleported them to the furthest point on the field she could recall ever being to in her wanderings, not wanting to put them in the middle of something they’d have no way out of.

Skin tingling with the lingering pressure of each hug of farewell from her family--Fitz had held on particularly tight--before she’d split open the sky, a shiver down her back joined it as she stared and stared, waiting for the scene to make sense.

I don’t get it. Where are the monsters?

Because when she gazed over Foxfire’s grounds, the smashed glass and overturned earth, crumbled crystal walls and shattered pillars, impact sites and gouges and tears riddled through every inch, it was empty.

There was zero sign of life.

---------------------

Do you think they’re all inside? Sophie asked, nudging Biana. With glass walls, floors, and ceilings, they’d have to be hidden very deep inside, the layers of glass building up thick enough that you couldn’t see through unless you were inside.

Unsettled, they started moving, skirting around the mounds of dirt, footsteps the loudest thing in the area.

Maybe they didn’t like the elements and had sequestered themselves away, a ticking time bomb just waiting to blow until something came along to trip it.

They’d trip it.

Sophie felt Biana shrug, but she didn’t say anything, prompting Sophie to ask, Hey, are you good? We can go back; we’ll figure something else out.

No, Biana asserted. I…everything turned into colors. I can…see…so many colors, she struggled to get out, words falling with awkward grace from her mind into their shared mental space, clunking like bricks.

What does that mean? Sophie asked, eyeing the fields like she could pick up on something beyond her senses if she only tried hard enough.

Monsters.

Sophie froze, footsteps halting. Where.

Everywhere, Biana whispered, and her free hand blinked into view just long enough for her to point down at the ground, moving her arm around in a circle around them, gesturing towards everything nearby.

What? Sophie asked, looking, seeing nothing but ruined terf and--

Look, Biana urged, words still clunky, the presence of monsters and creatures overwhelming her senses and messing with her word processing.

Sophie looked. And then it clicked.

Torn up earth but no monsters in sight, Biana seeing colors and pointing to the ground.

She peered closer at one of the mounds of disturbed soil, recognizing it as a hole now that she knew what to look for.

Or in better words, a burrow.

And looking out over the whole field, all the shredded grass and mounds of dirt…she lost count of how many there were.

Hidden under the earth, under the surface, was an army of monsters waiting to explode like a minefield.

And they stood right in the middle of it.

[hospitalterrorizer]

diary153

2/14-15/2024

wednesday - thursday

the day started awful, but somehow, at like, 1 pm-ish, my illness improved massively.

i wonder/worry if tomorrow will be similar or if this feeling basically a lot better will continue. cuz i don't think i should/can call out. so i guess ultimately it doesn't matter.

anyway, since the illness is a lot better, today i was able to work out, and also i was able to work on music, but mostly the problem song, i did the return track thing, it is a good idea, i think it sounds pretty good, one thing is just that the vocals still seem a bit too fried, but i'll see what i think of that tomorrow, maybe i should do this to another track before the night ends, too, just so i can get more progress made on the record.

anyway, i just started doing something maybe pointless but maybe not, doing tiny pixel art ufos, it seems cute, just to have them if i want to stick upscaled 32x32 pixel art ufos on the album art, a good homage to my affection for how space invaders looks, and stuff like that.

and now a 16x16 squid. i forgot how fun doing tiny things like that was. i should learn how to get actually good at it, like good enough to draw a tiger or somethingg.

i also have to get around to doing a ribbon, either in 64x or 32x, cuz i know i'll use that on the album.

now i am reopening ableton, just to start at least on the next song's mix/master.

here's a really cute song + mv.

now i'm thinking, as something exports, about how i have a funny tooth, the snaggletooth thing, kind of like that whole yaeba thing every news site was talking about forever ago, which is/was part of the whole exoticizing japan in weird ways thing, that everything/one still does on some level, even when they're talking about how japan is awful, or reasons to hate japan (some valid like racism/sexism/work culture/pedophilia (though i'll be honest and say this last one feels overemphasized, at least around people i know (describing it as an island of pedophiles))), they make it exotic and unique in its evil. anyway the tooth thing always struck me as funny, because i am part japanese and it's a weird beauty standard, but i've also just seen it naturally occuring in other japanese people, it feels like a funny tether i guess. but it's not, like, the only one. for a while i was raised around my grandma, my mom and i living with her a couple times over the years, but she is dead now, all i have are the memories and the things she's given me as habits, and the things my mother has given me as habits she's received from her mother.

i still need to get to talking to my mom soon. idk why it's so easy for me to just hide from my parents. it does feel like hiding. they both would so quickly get mad at me growing up, it made me want to avoid them altogether, a lot of the time. you'd hope, getting older, that this would go away, but it won't, unless i make it, but even then i think it'd have to be something i keep at the front of my mind, but i don't think i can, i have too much i'm thinking about normally, and so scattered too.

the song doesn't sound bad rn, but i want it to be like, more, brighter and stuff. idk. i think i can get it there in a bit.

hopefully after this export it makes a bit more sense, as a thing, and then i can go to bed or something.

yeah i think i got it pretty close to right, maybe i should bring the guitar up by 0.5db.

and omg i forgot to post this last night, i was so tired, so

byebye!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!