#i have so many goddamned problems that get in the way of dating. but god i could do it and i could be such a good partner

[jpegcompressor]

i learned how to make handmade envelopes and got a wax seal just to simply not have penpals. why is life so cruel and unjust

[tootiecakes234]

Warnings: cheating Katsuki (not on you tho, but with you, eventual smut next part)

Bakugo’s POV

I hate her. I hate her, yet she’s always around. She’s raccoon eyes’ best friend so that means she at every party, every hang out, and every sleepover. I can’t fucking escape her.

She’s so goddamn annoying. Always starting up conversations with me about shit I don’t care about. She laughs at the shit I say, but I’m not being funny, I’m being deadass serious. And don’t get me started on the way she laughs. She does it with her entire body and it’s loud too. Pisses me off so bad.

She’s a problem for me because the more I hang out with her, the more I can’t stop thinking about her.

I have a girlfriend. A great fucking girlfriend. She’s sweet, too sweet to be dating me, and kind. Probably the most thoughtful person I’ve ever met, so explain to me why when I’m with her and I’m thinking about Y/N. She’s literally invading my waking thoughts as well as my dreams.

I’ve tried distancing myself from her and being more of a jackass hoping she’d get fed up and just leave me the hell alone but nothing works and I’m running out of options.

We were having a movie night at Kaminari’s apartment tonight. I was in the kitchen cooking dinner, by myself, the way I prefer it.

“Heeey. How’s it going Kit Kat”, she was all cheeks and smiles

“I told you to stop fucking calling me that you idiot.”

“But it’s the cutest nickname I can think of. You have any other suggestions??”, she looked at me like she was being serious.

I turned to her, giving her my full attention so she knew I was being serious, “Bakugo. You can call me Bakugo like everybody else.

“Your friends don’t call you Bakugo, they all call you Katsuki.”, the insane woman still had a warm smile sitting on her lips. There was also a really shiny lipgloss on them too. Did it have sparkles in it? Why did her lips look so-

“Hello?? Are you ok?” She started walking towards me.

“I’m fucking fine. I’d be better if you got the hell outta here.”, why the hell was she even in here. “ and yea my friends call me Katsuki, you’re not MY friend. You’re Mina’s friend. Speaking of which don’t you need to get back to her.” The last part came out more grumbled than firm the way I meant it to.

“No, she’s flirting with Eiji rn and I don’t wanna be a third wheel. Well I guess a fourth wheel cuz Denki is third wheeling.” Apparently she thought that was funny because she started chuckling to herself.

Her hair was all wild, framing her face and her cheeks… fuck me I don’t know what it is about her cheeks plumping up when she smiles or laughs.

“Well then go be a fourth wheel or whatever the hell. I’m cooking and I don’t like other people in my kitchen.”

“Your gf usually sits with you in here. Speaking of where is she? I haven’t seen her in forever and we need to catch up . She always gives the best gossip on you.”

“She had other shit to do and what kind of gossip does she tell about me???!”

“ oh nothing really”, she leaned over on the counter and her fucking tits were smooshed in between her arms.

“For the love of god can you please just get the fuck away from me?! How many times do I have to tell you that I don’t like you. I don’t wanna be your shitty friend or listen to whatever the hell it is you constitute as jokes. Just get the fuck out!”, that last part was a hell of a lot louder than I expected it to be.

That’s when the tear fell. What the hell had I done?

She reached up quickly and wiped it away.

“Hey, why are you yelling at her like that you jackass? Y/N are you ok?”, Mina was the first one in the kitchen. And the rest of them followed suit. All asking question I didn’t have answers to.

“You guys I’m fine. Really. We all know how he gets when he’s cooking. Let’s just go back in the living room and let him finish.”, she smiled again but it didn’t reach her eyes. Damn it all to hell I felt like worst person to ever exist.

“Are you sure you’re ok?”, Mina asked her again as everyone started retreating the the living room.

I wasn’t able to hear her answer. I tried to put the whole thing outta my head and finish what I was doing but I couldn’t. It kept replaying in my head.

My phone brought be back to the present. Who the heel was calling me? When I looked down at the contact my girlfriend’s name was sitting there. Perfect fucking timing.

“Hello”

“Hey baby. What are you up to”, she sounded giddy.

“Im finishing up dinner, where are you?”

“On the way back my friends house. We are having a slumber party.”, he words were a little slurred.

“So I guess you guys have already started drinkin.”

“Haha yep.”, I heard someone in the background telling her to get off the phone. No boy calls at girls night. “Well I gotta go doll. My friends are getting upset with me. Love you!”

She hung up before I could even say it back. Women.

I had everything ready to go now, so I went out to tell the idiots it was time to eat.

She was gone.

“Is Y/N in the bathroom or something??”

Mina looked at me like she was ready to murder me, “ no she left. You yelled at her and hurt her feelings and she didn’t wanna stay. We tried to convince her.”

“Yea bro I think she was about to start crying. Why’d you yell at her like that?”, Eijirou said.

“She’s so cool. I don’t know why you don’t like her. You’ve been mean to her since she started hanging out with us.”, Denki chimed in

“Mina send me her address.” I grabbed my keys and started heading for the door.

“Why would I do that when she’s upset with you? You gonna go over there and yell at her some more cuz let me tell you-“

“I’m going to fucking apologize, so just send me the goddamn address.”

I got in my car and started driving. What the hell was I doing? Why am I going over here? I could give a rats ass about hurting someone’s feelings but here I am with my GPS on looking for her apartment building.

I got up to her door and paused because I knew that I should turn around. I knew I should just let the whole thing blow over but like the idiot I am, my hand starts banging on her front door.

I hear muffled through the door, “coming”

She opened the door and looked at my face. Had my foot not been in the door, she would’ve slammed it close.

“Move your foot before I stomp the shit out of it.”

I could feel the smirk pulling at my lips, “these are steal toe boots. I’d like to see you try.”, I told her.

“What do you want Bakugo? Why are you paying unwanted visits to my house? How did you even get my goddamn address?”, she looked disgusted with me. That’s fair. Also didn’t miss that she was calling me by my last name.

“Mina gave me your address. I’m coming to bring your back.”,

Part 2

[yakumtsaki]

AND WE'RE BACK. My cancerous thyroid might have briefly cucked me, but now I'm about to cuck every goddamn semi-incestuous couple in this house. Isn't that right, Baby?

-CAWK CAWK

Exactly! Baby here is a parrot that Meadow rolled the want for and I was like sure, what problems could a parrot possibly cause?

-OPEN THIS DOOR. SOMEONE OPEN THIS DOOR FOR ME. OPEN IT RIGHT NOW OPEN IT OPEN IT

Um it should open automatically for you wtf?

-OPEN THE DOOR, MAMMAL TRASH, THIS IS YOUR FINAL WARNING

Ok Baby seriously why won't the doors open for you?

-I DON'T KNOW BUT I WILL STAY HERE AND PREVENT EVERYONE FROM GOING TO CLASS BECAUSE THEY'RE TOO STUPID TO USE THE OTHER DOOR

Alright then, clearly there's only one solution to this..

Perfection.

-Um, what happened to the door?

-IT ASKED TOO MANY STUPID QUESTIONS. OUT OF THE WAY, HUMMIE SCUM

Well, Baby was clearly a much needed addition to this house. Now, to the main event: an end to the Year of Sin!

NOP, NEVERMIND, SPOKE TOO SOON, MUST DO THIS INSTEAD. We invite Good Witch over for Spice and she asks to bring a friend and it's FUCKING MALCOLM. LMAO. I simply have to, I can't resist-

-Well well well, if it isn't the famous Malcolm Landgraab IV, the finest intergenerational concubine the world has ever seen!

-Huh?

-You were too much of a straggot to date my father, but I know you won't be able to resist the charms of the much better looking son!

-What?

-God, the conversation is just crackling with sexual tension!

-So, Malc, I believe we should make out. Thoughts?

-Where are those fucking butterflies coming from?

-Your stomach? ;)

No, they're from the Good Witch, my bad y'all.

After many, MANY hours of talking, Malcolm finally accepts a lame wolf whistle-

-but our efforts are interrupted by Felina returning from class. WILL YOU GIVE IT A FUCKING REST FOR ONE DAY

-NEVER

-Sorry kid, but if Malcolm Landgraab is to ever consider bisexuality, it will be for someone who can beat up his own sister.

Wtf kinda rule is that you freak?? You know what, just gtfo-

-NO. Stay here, Malcolm, I'd like to hear stories about you and great-great grandma Victoria!

-Oh wow, now that was a real woman. She could hold her liquor, she could whore around, she could beat up anyone.. No man could ask for anyone more feminine!

You are so right, Malcolm, the only one to ever do it better was Long John Silver!

Ok seriously Barth is there a plan here, why are we wasting valuable time on platonic interactions with this loser?

-I just have a feeling true love will prevail!

What are you even talking about-

UM PWND @ ME WTF. ACR DOES IT AGAIN WITH LITERAL NEGATIVE CHEMISTRY LOL

OH FUCK YES TWO BIRDS WITH ONE STONE. Two Babies with one stone if you will!

-HOW DARE YOU CHEAT ON ME, YOUR OWN FLESH AND BLOOD

Ya ok GROSS but finally we can put this behind us, 1 down, 200 more to go. Cyan go back to your other cousin-lover while you still can because I'm breaking you up too!

-Don't have to tell me twice!

Ugh.

-Hmmm...

What now, Barth.

-Nothing, I just keep forgetting I actually have two eyes.

Ya, you and me both.

-But now that I possess peripheral vision, I see there's so much to be done in this house.

You have set yourself on fire multiple times, please stop with the household tasks, that's why we have a butler.

-But he never actually does anything!

Yes well, his main job is to answer the door and we no longer have one, but it's still money well spent.

-WELL I WILL FIX THE DISHWASHER OR DIE TRYING

-BARTH NO I STILL LOVE YOU

-FUCK YOU SUNSET, YOU BROKE MY HEART BY SLEEPING WITH YOUR BOYFRIEND. HE'S NOT EVEN RELATED TO YOU

Barth no offense but I think I'm ready for your next electrocution to take you out.

-As am I!

-And I!

-GETTING SLAPPED MULTIPLE TIMES A DAY IS STARTING TO AFFECT MY MENTAL HEALTH HOW DO I MAKE IT STOP

You could stop being Satan incarnate?

-No, there has to be a better way!

-How about I sleep with the boyfriend of the only cousin in this house who doesn't already hate me?

Yes, absolutely, and please take another crack at fixing the dishwasher when you're done.

[ttuesday]

A Blessing in Disguise

Summary:  Going to Eddie's trailer, all you wanted to do was confront him for supposedly talking badly about you and leave... but things take an unexpected turn when a certain eight-legged creature appears.

Word Count: 3.4k

Disclaimer: Reader identifies as female and goes by she/her pronouns! 

“Munson!” your hand forms a fist as you bang on his trailer door “Open up, I know you’re in there”. When you woke up this morning, you did not expect to be thumping on Eddie goddamn Munson’s trailer that night yet here you are.

Furious is an understatement of how you feel. You’re absolutely seething with anger, the audacity of what Eddie said getting under your skin more than you could have ever imagined.

“What the hell?” Eddie throws the door open, his annoyed expression softening at the sight of you. “Uh… hi?” he narrows his eyes, confused by your annoyed demeanour. You scoff, barging past him and into his trailer, not wanting this argument to be outside for all the neighbours to hear.

“Sure, come on in” he says sarcastically, shutting the door behind you.

You were the last person Eddie could have ever imagined paying him a visit, especially at this hour. A part of him wondered how the hell you knew where he lived but he wasn’t complaining, although he would have preferred you to be visiting him under more pleasant circumstances. 

In a way, Eddie’s glad you came by at this hour. Wayne’s already left for work and won’t be back until the early hours of the morning so at least he won’t need to know about any of this.

“What’s your problem with me?” you huff, crossing your arms as you stand in the middle of his trailer. Eddie furrows his eyebrows. What the fuck is going on?

“Who said I have a problem with you?” Eddie tilts his head.

You roll your eyes at his ignorance, wishing he would just admit it instead of prolonging this. “I heard what you said about me, Dustin was talking to Steve Harrington about it at Family Video” you reveal.

Eddie feels like he’s in a fever dream. Maybe this is a nightmare… no, it can’t be a nightmare because you’re here and any dream Eddie has with you in it is immediately deemed a good dream. 

Even though you look like you want to murder him right now, if Eddie’s being honest with himself, he can’t help but feel a zap of excitement each time you make eye contact with him. To say he has a crush on you is an understatement.

Shaking his head, Eddie throws his open palms up into the air “Nope, that’s not ringing any bells”.

“What, you've suddenly forgotten all the shit you were saying about me today, hm? How I’m some pretentious, stuck-up brat who thinks she’s better than everyone?” you jeer “Because according to you, I think I’m too good to even consider dating the captain of the basketball team”.

Oh God. And just like that, Eddie knows exactly what you’re referring to.

“No, no, no, no, no” he mutters, dragging his hand across his face. He didn’t think for a split second that his impulsive comment would’ve reached your ears but one thing’s for sure, the next time Eddie sees Dustin, he’s going to strangle that little shit.

The recent whispers of Hawkins High was that the one and only Jason Carver had asked you out on a date. Eddie remembers exactly how his stomach dropped as Mike told the Hellfire Club what he heard about it. There was nothing particularly interesting about it and many of the others rolled their eyes in annoyance that such trivial gossip was brought up. But Eddie had a different reaction. 

He didn’t understand it. Why would you ever give Jason Carver the time of day? A flurry of emotions overtook him and that’s when he said it but even then, Eddie never thought this would be your reaction.

“I… wait, what are you accusing me of saying?” he creases his brow, a look of bewilderment clouding his features. You shut your eyes in frustration, unable to comprehend why this is so hard for him to grasp.

As you open your eyes again, readying yourself to retort a snappy reply, you see it. A large brown blur darts along the floor below, only stopping when it’s perfectly situated in front of the trailer door.

It’s only when the creature stops moving are you able to fathom what it is… a goddamn spider.

Your body reacts involuntarily, a shriek leaving your lips as you jump, scrambling for anything that’ll put distance between you and the spider. Your eyes landing on the tattered couch, you quickly leap onto it. 

Eddie has no idea what’s happening, completely on edge thanks to your abrupt shriek and baffled that you’ve decided to clamber on to his sofa. Honestly ever since he opened the front door to see you, he’s been nothing but confused.

Eddie holds his hands up by his chest in an act of surrender, presuming you’re shrieking at him. “Woah, I have no idea what you’ve hear-” before he can finish, you cut him off, frantically pointing at the spider as you squeal “Look! Look!”.

Taking a brief glance at where you’re pointing, you watch as Eddie does a double take, the colour draining from his face as dread sets in. If you thought your reaction was a little over the top, Eddie completely outshines you.

He reminds you of those cartoon characters when their legs go 10 times faster than their body. Eddie wastes no time scrambling on to the couch and claiming a spot next to you.

“Wh-what’re you doing?” While you understand his reaction, it’s not the one you were hoping for “Aren’t you going to kill it?”.

“Nuh uh, I’m not going near that thing!” Eddie pushes himself as far back as possible on the couch.

Well, this isn’t going according to plan.

A burst of panic gets the better of you as you start rambling, trying to come up with different ways to get rid of the spider. “There’s no way I’m going near it either! C’mon it’s right in front of the goddamn door, can’t you just kill it so I can leave?” You babble on “Or if you’re that concerned for its life then just trap it or shoo it away”. 

Eddie presses his lips together, shaking his head but keeping his eyes firmly on the arachnid. “If you want the spider gone then you can deal with it, I’m totally fine camping out here until it leaves on its own accord” he utters.

“But this is your trailer! You should deal with it, not me” you protest, a shiver crawling up your spine at the mere thought of going anywhere near it. Eddie laughs “No way, princess”.

“Princess?” You pull your gaze away from the spider and throw Eddie a sceptical look. Clarifying, Eddie starts backtracking “No I didn’t mean ‘princess’ as in entitled or snobby-”. He cuts himself off as your face drops, his so-called clarification making everything worse and reminding you of why you’re here in the first place.

You scoff, wasting no time to roll your eyes at him. “Cut the shit Eddie, I heard loud and clear what you think of me” you remind him.

“How can you possibly know what I think of you when you didn’t even hear the actual conversation?” He groans, throwing his head back on the sofa.

“Oh I heard enough, believe me” you mutter, folding your arms and looking away from him.

He can’t believe this. Both of you go silent, waiting for one another to start off again. You refuse to look Eddie’s way, nervous he might see the hurt in your eyes.

Although you and Eddie have never been close, you don’t understand why he thinks you’re ‘too good’, a goody two shoes so full of herself that nobody could ever meet her standards. 

You can feel his eyes on you, the silence of the room allowing you to hear the soft sigh he makes as he sits upright. Turning your head ever so slightly, you look back to the spider. Unfortunately, it’s still there, guarding the front door like one of those English guards with the funny hats.

Out of the corner of your eye, you can see Eddie. He sits in a hunched over position, his elbows digging into his knees as he buries his face in his hands.

You curse yourself internally. You came here furious at him and yet you can’t help but feel a pang of guilt. Shuffling closer to him, you keep your tone gentle “I just want to know why? What have I ever done to you that makes you think so low of you?”.

“So low of you?” Eddie repeats, lifting his face just enough to see you. He mutters your name, taking his hands away from his face and instead opting to ring them nervously. 

“If you’d just listen to me for five minutes, you’d know you have this completely wrong,” he speaks slowly, not wanting to mess up his words and dig himself a deeper grave “I don’t think low of you at all, like there isn’t a tiny sliver of me that thinks badly of you”.

You want to believe him but it just doesn’t make any sense. “But what you said to the others…” you trail off.

“Ok so I did technically say you’re too good,” he holds up a hand, signalling you to stay silent and let him clarify “but I didn’t mean it in a snobby or prudish way… I meant that you’re kind and good natured and always there for people. I meant ‘too good’ in a… uh, well I meant it in a good way. Jason doesn’t deserve someone as sweet and caring as you, hell, I think there are very few people that do”.

Oh.

Stunned, you simply blink a few times, letting this revelation sink in. Now you’re the one to exasperatedly bury your face in your hands, trying to hide the embarrassment that flushes your cheeks. 

You feel like an idiot. If he didn’t think badly of you before, your hasty assumptions must have done some damage to his perception of you. 

“God…” you mumble to yourself, “I’m sorry, I just- I don’t know why but I thought you meant it in a bad way” you apologise, cringing at how you’ve handled this mix up.

Knocking his knee gently against yours, he flippantly waves his hand in the air “Oh don’t worry about it. I mean sure, I was convinced you were going to murder me but I’m just glad we’ve cleared the air now”.

Taking your hands away from your face, you nod along to what he says, grateful Eddie isn’t offended.

Clearing his throat, he continues “But uh… can I ask you one thing?”.

“Yeah, of course” you reply, quick to answer any questions in the hopes it’ll help smooth things over.

“Why did you care so much about what I had to say anyways?“ his eyes search your face as he speaks, hoping he hasn’t crossed any boundaries “It’s just that we don’t really talk and I’m sure no one at school takes my opinions seriously, whether it’s good or bad”.

You can feel your mouth dry out the more Eddie speaks. Shit. How were you supposed to answer this? You take a deep breath, trying to give yourself more time to think.

“Well, y’know…” you trail off, wondering how you’re going to answer this without seeming like a weirdo. You realised many months ago that you had a crush on Eddie, savouring every time his eyes would meet yours and the small conversations you’ve had with him. You’ve already embarrassed yourself once tonight and the prospects of doing so again are ever increasing.

“I just value your opinion” you say quietly, making Eddie lean in to hear you properly.

“Huh,” he thinks for a moment before adding “I didn’t realise that”.

You want to say more but it’s hard, especially with Eddie staring at you, his disarming eyes making your chest flutter. Dropping your gaze to your lap, you take a deep breath and continue. “Why wouldn’t I value your opinion? You’re down to earth, funny, sweet, creative and you can be pretty clever when you want to be”.

Eddie laughs, his hand coming to the back of his neck as he replies “I’m pretty sure I could debunk every one of those things but thank you, I really appreciate hearing that from you”.

Deciding to lighten the mood, you ask “You know what I’d appreciate?”.

“What?”.

Pointing over at your eight-legged enemy, you answer “You killing that goddamn spider before it jumps on us”.

“Woah I’m not going anywhere near it,” Eddie says firmly “besides, we’re fine on the couch. Spiders can’t actually jump… can they?”.

Grimly, you nod your head.

Eyes going wide, Eddie tries to keep himself composed. “I should be fine though, you’re closer so if it’s going to jump on anyone, it’ll be you” he shoots you a teasing smirk.

“Eddie!” You exclaim, shocked that he’s willing to sacrifice you to the spider. You both burst out laughing, easing any awkwardness.

With a relaxed smile on his face, Eddie playfully nudges you with his shoulder “So I know I said I only wanted to ask you one question,” he begins.

“Go on” you jokingly roll your eyes, waiting for his next interrogation.

“Are you actually going on a date with Jason Carver?” his playful edge whittles away with his question as he subconsciously fidgets with his rings.

The question catches you off guard. You never thought Jason asking you out would have reached so many people, yet it feels like most people have heard about it… strangely though, it appears not as many know what your response was.

You try to keep your face blank as you answer. “Well, I guess Jason’s kinda good looking and he’s the captain of the basketball team, he’s really popular,” you list off “so do you think I’d be interested in him?”.

Eddie gives you a helpless look, making no attempt to answer you. He won’t -no- he can’t, not wanting to admit how understanding it is for you to accept Jason’s offer. You can’t help it, a chuckle escaping your lips as your deadpan expression slips. 

Once you’ve lost your seriousness, it’s hard to get back, trying to recompose yourself but quickly losing. You give into your laughter, momentarily shutting your eyes as you chuckle to yourself. Steadying your breath, you ask “Do you really think I’d give that douche the time of day?”.

Eddie practically deflates with relief, slouching back into the comfort of the couch as he breathes easily. He smiles to himself, almost feeling silly for even considering the possibility of you agreeing to the date. “For a second, I actually thought you were going to buy his nice guy act” Eddie says.

You sit back too, your arm casually pressed against his as you subconsciously yearn to be closer. “Oh god no,” you let out another laugh “besides, he’s not my type anyways”.

Letting out a long ‘ooooo’ noise, Eddie curiously questions “And what is your type?”. You wait a few moments before answering, making sure you know exactly how you want to respond. “Caring, playful, passionate… good hair” you list. Eddie’s smile grows wider, hope igniting within him. “Sounds like the perfect guy” he comments.

With the spider refusing to move, you both stay on the couch, slowly giving into the invisible pull between you both. First, Eddie inches closer to you, trying to act casual as he puts his arm around your shoulders while assuring you the spider will (hopefully) go on its way soon. 

If Eddie is being honest, he’s actually fine with the spider being there now, especially if it means having longer with you on the couch.

It doesn’t take long for you to rest your head on Eddie, his warmth encouraging you to shut your eyes and listen as Eddie tells you exactly how his conversation with Dustin and the others went.

Time flies by and before you know it, it’s nearly midnight. Thankfully, you told your parents you were spending the evening studying with a friend and that if you weren’t back then you were probably just staying the night at theirs. You have no reason to rush back home and so instead you embrace the moment, laughing softly as Eddie tells you fun stories from The Hellfire Club.

Resting his head on top of yours, Eddie can feel his eyes getting heavy. He doesn’t fight it, closing his eyes and settling into the comfortable silence with you.

You’re not sure who fell asleep first but sure enough, you both end up sleeping on the couch, entwined in a comfortable embrace thanks to the spider.

----

You wake suddenly, jolting from your sleep as someone tightens their hold on you. Snapping awake, you're greeted by Eddie, his arms wrapped protectively around you and an equally surprised look on his face. Looking up at what’s made Eddie so startled, you don’t see the spider but instead, Eddie’s uncle Wayne.

“Wayne!” Eddie exclaims, his voice still groggy with sleep “W-what’re you doing here? Isn’t it like, midnight?”.

A baffled Wayne looks from Eddie to you. “Uh… it’s 6, Ed,” he replies “I just got back from work”.

“Oh… oh!” Eddie’s grip on you loosens as he makes sense of it all, the initial fright of someone entering the trailer fading away. You on the other hand are still feeling uneasy, not only because of the spider but now from what Wayne may think. It’s as if Eddie can sense your apprehension as he quickly gestures to you and introduces you to his uncle.

“She’s in my biology class and er, yeah we were just going over the last few chapters for this big test we have on Friday and we must’ve fallen asleep” Eddie tries to casually play off the situation. Although there’s not a single biology textbook in sight, Wayne chooses not to question it and simply nods his head.

Your head feels heavy with sleep, the thoughts of snuggling back in by Eddie and dozing off for another half hour sounding absolutely ideal. But then it hits you. Well, thankfully it doesn’t literally hit you but you quickly remember the reason why you’re still with Eddie on the couch.

“The spider!” You blurt out, drawing Eddie’s and Wayne’s eyes to you as you scan the floor. “Spider?” Wayne questions, his shoulders hunched.

“Where is it? Is it gone?” Eddie bombards you both with questions.

“There was a spider?” Wayne's asks, trying his best to piece this all together.

“Yeah and the last we saw of it was right…” you trail off, your gaze landing on Wayne’s foot as you realise he’s standing directly where the spider once was “…there”. Everyone looks at Wayne’s scruffy old shoe, the room quieting as you all wonder the same thing; has the spider finally been dealt with?

Shifting his weight to his other foot, Wayne cautiously lifts up the foot in question to reveal… no spider. Wayne breathes a quick sigh of relief before stiffening again “Wait, so does that mean it’s still here? Somewhere?”.

“Well, I’ll take that as my sign to go” you stand, unfortunately pulling away from Eddie’s warmth.

“I’ll drive you home” Eddie stands abruptly, yearning to be close to you again. Giving him a soft smile you agree, nodding your head at the idea as you thank him.

Opening his arm out, Eddie swiftly guides you out of the trailer, wanting to leave quickly before the spider appears again. You step out into the cool morning breeze, feeling surprisingly content with how the night went.

As Eddie pulls the door closed behind him, Wayne calls out “What? You’re gonna leave me in here while there’s a spider on the loose?”.

“Yup, it’s your problem now!” Eddie calls back, closing the door and turning to you with a fresh smile.

When you first went to Eddie’s door last night, banging furiously on it, you weren’t sure how things would go but this is the last thing you expected. You were convinced any hopes of being friends with Eddie was slashed when you heard Dustin talking to Steve yet now you feel as though this is the closest you’ve ever been to Eddie, both physically and metaphorically.

Rubbing some sleep out of his eye, Eddie gives you his signature playful look “You ready to go, Princess?”. You scoff, trying to seem annoyed at the pet name but you can’t hide the wide smile on your face.

You’ve never been a fan of spiders but after last night, maybe they’re a blessing in disguise after all.

[thirdeyeblue]

20 Questions Game

Thanks for tagging me, @bronzeagepizzeria & @quite-right-too 🤩

How many works do you have on AO3?

28

2. What's your total AO3 words count?

892,591

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Doctor Who

4. What are your top five fics by kudos?

Bloodstream (Ten x Rose multi-chap)

Tiny Lights Below (Ten x Rose - Tentoo x Rose OT3)

For All We're Worth (Ten x Rose multi-chap)

Mending (Ten x Rose multi-chap)

The Doctor's Brilliant Idea (Ten x Rose multi-chap)

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

Always always always, but I have a horrible habit of getting behind on replying to them - usually because I'm busy when I get a comment and consistently forget to come back... Then suddenly there's a ton of them. This is a reminder to sit down and tackle my neglected comments, so thanks, thing.

6. What's the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

Ordinary Gifts for sure.

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

I meannnn, all of my fics have at least mostly happy endings, as I'm a baby. But I'd probably say Bloodstream - just considering the odds that have to be overcome to get there.

8. Do you get hate on fics?

Never had until my goddamn Martha fic. But thankfully, the hate was on the latter pairing, not my writing. That's the only solace I took from that (along with some badass readers who defended me to a handful of lunatics).

9. Do you write smut? If so what kind?

I write all of the smut! Lengthy, graphic, emotional 'first time' scenes, as well as all subsequent smut. I have a very, very difficult time skipping over sex (have only done it once to date, and intend to write a separate fic to cover the smut I skipped 💀) and will never skip the first time.

10. Do you write crossovers? What's the craziest one you've written?

No, never have.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Nope, thank god.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Somebody translated Bloodstream into Russian, which was fucking cool.

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

I'm doing it right now with @bronzeagepizzeria and my excitement knows no bounds.

14. What's your all-time favourite ship?

TenRose/TentooRose, of course.

15. What's a WIP you want to finish, but doubt you ever will?

Had an idea for a fic inspired by To Have and Not Hold by mtemplar, but have never opened the lil WIP again, and that was over a year ago.

16. What are your writing strengths?

Smut?

Also, not sure if this counts - but I'm a perfectionist about my writing. I'm constantly, obsessively rereading, which I do both as I go and when everything is finished. Making alterations, amending this or that, punching up, rewriting/removing whole scenes etc... But I still, of course, make some mistakes here and there.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

I write way too goddamn much. Way too much positive reinforcement in the comments of my first fic gave me a weird perma-complex where I don't even feel like a chapter is complete until it's around 10k, which is insane. Somebody save me. This is a serious problem.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?

I personally don't do it - I'd rather allude to it. For example, from my fic Exposure, since I guess I'm just going all in with this goddamn questionnaire:

He murmurs something soft, something gorgeous, but Rose has got no idea what it is— only that it's far too structured to be sleepy gibberish. There's an almost-Italian-but-also-sort-of-Arabic resonance to it, yet entirely unique; something she can't even pretend to know how to accurately describe. 

19. First fandom you wrote for?

The first actual fic I ever wrote was for the Russian girl group t.A.T.u in either 2003 or 2004, but I wrote it at school during 'reading time' in Language Arts. It never saw the light of day anywhere.

The first proper fic I actually wrote, finished, and posted completely was for my first feral fixation ship, Inu/Kag (Inuyasha) back in 2005.

20. Favourite fic you've ever written?

I fucking hate this question, but probably For All We're Worth or The Purpose of Repose

Tagging: @demdifferentstories @badxwolfxrising @mulderscully @aintfraidanoghosts @deardiary17 @naaer No pressure!

[sharkneto]

5 Rob 1234... These exist?!? How MUCH do they exist??? What are the odds that we will eventually see them someday?

(for WIP ask game)

I've shared a few snips of them before (found HERE), and god... hopefully? I've got so many goddamn WIPs and so much less time to write than I used to during covid times, I can't promise anything and especially can't promise anything being soon.

It's a concept I love a lot - I love Five and Rob's relationship, I love Rob constantly tricking Five into cooperating with therapy until he starts doing it willingly on his own. I like the idea of Five trying to keep everything tight to his chest and aggressively keeping it there until Rob can get him to understand that he doesn't have to do that, that he doesn't have to live like that.

But it's a rarely worked on WIP (partly hence why there's multiple files of different Rob and Five conversations rather than One Set WIP), around JT and the apocalypse fic and Number vs Apocalypse Week fic and random odds and ends I play around with.

So, would I like to share it? Absolutely. Will it be any time soon? Absolutely not.

Long snip for your time, though. This is 5 Rob 3

(cw: some discussion of the implications of Five's physical vs actual age in terms of his brain and cognition, mostly from the angle of Rob being excited about brains and Five unimpressed by it)

“What are you thinking about?” Five asks after Rob doesn’t start off their session in the first minute of their meeting starting.

Rob keeps considering Five through the screen. “Your brain.”

Five blinks. “You do that to everyone?”

“More or less. When they’re my patients, definitely. And if there might be something interesting going on. Yours definitely has a lot going on.”

“Thank you?”

“You’re welcome.”

The sit and stare at each other through the screen some more. Five leans back in his seat, eyes narrowed slightly. “If I ask for specifics for what you’re thinking about in regards to my brain, will it be a long winded way of talking about something I don’t want to talk about or is this genuinely a tangent about my brain?”

Rob hums. “If I’m clever enough maybe I can loop it back to your problems but currently I’m just thinking about your brain.”

“This a hobby of yours?”

“A little bit, I guess,” he says with a laugh. “Also my job, but it is why I went psychiatrist route instead of psychologist route. If you go to medical school they let you look at more brain scans.”

“I’m sure that’s super normal,” Five deadpans.

“How would you know, with your fifty-eight-year-old consciousness in a thirteen-year-old brain?”

Five crosses his arms. “It’s almost fourteen,” he defends.

Rob thinks about that for a second. They’ve sort of talked around this before, and maybe with the birthdate coming up they should talk about it some more. He’ll poke. “Aren’t we technically still six months or so away from your physical birthday?”

That gets an exasperated huff from Five. “October 1, 1989 is my actual birthdate and I’m keeping that, it’s a constant that’s never going to change short of me fucking up so badly I’m not born, in which case I’ve got bigger problems – although not ones I’ll care about because I won’t exist.” Rob keeps a straight face. He actually loves it when Five gets on these little time-travel-insane-consequence rambles. Feels like a sci-fi movie and Sarah can’t poke holes in it like she does when they watch time-travel movies. Five also really likes to get on these tangents, so they’re really good for getting him talking on days he doesn’t want to talk – not that seems to be a problem today.

Five pauses but Rob waits. He’s not done. The pause stretches for a couple seconds before Five huffs again. “I’m not moving my birthday because I arbitrarily and accidentally changed my linear position in time. October first isn’t my actual birthday anymore, either, but the amount of effort to figure out the new date is completely not worth the effort. I could do the much easier-to-calculate physical birthday in February—” he cuts himself off with a suddenly blank expression.

Rob frowns. “Five?”

“The day’s not February tenth anymore,” he says, brow lightly furrowed.

“Why not?”

He blinks again, obviously doing math. Rob doesn’t know what it is about Five’s expression that tells him that he’s doing math, but there’s a specific sort of blankness he gets when he’s running numbers. “February tenth was my physical birthday in the apocalypse,” Five says slowly, still a bit distant. Rob subtly slides his notebook over and grabs a pen, even though Five can’t see it with how Rob has his camera angled. “It was February tenth. Now, though, assuming this body is the body I originally jumped from 2002 in…. oh, it’s still just February second. That was dumb.”

“Did you want it to be more different?”

Five shakes his head, a small frown on his lips. “No. I don’t know why I thought that was going to be a significantly different date. April 2, 2019 versus March 24, 2019 are only a week apart. I could have done that math much smarter. Christ, I’m getting stupid in my old age.”

Rob smiles. They’ve looped back to what he’d originally been thinking about. “Or your brain is thirteen. And a half,” he adds when Five gives him a flat look.

“What does my brain’s age have to do with anything?”

“A lot, actually. Maybe. What do you know about brain development?”

Five stares at him for a long moment. “Nothing.”

“Ah, lucky for us I know a lot about it. The cliff notes version of it is that there are set developmental phases for brains from ages zero to around twenty-five. Twenty-five is when science and medicine generally agree that everything is up and functioning, it hangs out there for a few years before it starts going in the other direction. Before that point, it’s building up pieces and pruning connections that allow for better logic and more complex thinking.”

“You’re saying I’m half developed. And you’re declining,” Five says dryly.

Rob shakes his head, ignoring the easy insult. “No. Maybe. See, you’re a really interesting case of the physical versus consciousness. A really fascinating case study that could be a missing key in understanding where what makes us us sits. You, yourself, are fifty-eight, assuming you haven’t been messing with me and your whole family this entire time—”

“What would the point be of doing that?”

“—which I don’t think you are, which is why I accepted you as a patient. I don’t know how you’d even go about trying to parse it out, because it’s such a messy knot. It’s why we’ve been wondering about consciousness and the self for centuries, millennia. But you have such an extreme difference between the two that we might just be able to get a hint.”

It’s quiet as Rob finishes. Five sits considering that, expression slightly pinched. Rob waits.

As Five continues to not say anything, Rob’s gut sinks a little. Maybe he got a little too excited about this, misjudged how interested Five would be about it. He did just pretty blatantly say that this man, who is already stuck looking like a thirteen-year-old, might actually be stuck in a much more real way as a thirteen-year-old.

“Five—”

“You know,” Five interrupts, “you and Sarah make a bit more sense now.”

It isn’t clear if that’s supposed to be a compliment or an insult. Maybe it’s neither. Five usually likes to rub in insults. “How do you mean?”

 “You both like puzzles. You just hide your intensity better than she does.”

Rob might have gotten a little too enthusiastic about how interesting a case Five is. “I’m sorry, Five, I—”

Five waves a hand, tone still low. “Don’t apologize. You know I appreciate candor. Was this the point?”

They haven’t been here in a little bit – Five directing with questions. Rob did miscalculate this. He can let Five keep the control. “Was what my point?”

“To talk about how shit it is to be a fully grown man who looks like a child?”

“No. It’s just something I’ve been thinking about and thought you might find it interesting, too. I had planned on today being a bit lighter on Big Things after last week.”

Five nods slowly. He’s not looking at Rob. “Wow,” he says after another moment. “Bad job of doing that.”

“I’m seeing that now, yeah.”

Five forces them to sit in that. Rob glances at the clock. He has forty minutes to salvage unless Five ends the session early.

“I get the appeal,” Five says after another long minute. “I’m an enigma on a lot of levels. Most of my life doesn’t exist anymore and what it was is so statistically improbable it should be impossible and unbelievable. This isn’t what all this has been about, right?”

He slips that question in as if it’s just an unimportant end to his statement. That’s how Rob knows it’s important. Five likes to bluster, likes to misdirect to avoid feelings and hard topics. The exception is when he needs real, important information. He’s not good at direct lies and it’s obvious the tactic he figured out for learning information he needed while trying to stay under the radar is to be as casual and nonplussed as possible. If Five doesn’t seem to care about the answer, maybe the person giving it won’t care about giving it either.

“No, Five,” Rob says without hesitation. Waiting until Five looks back up at the screen, he continues, “I agreed to be your psychiatrist because I think you need the help to sort through the everything of your life and also think I’m a good fit for helping you do that. You seem to agree, since we’ve been doing this for three months now. My own, side interest of what might be going on in your head isn’t a part of it, outside of my thoughts on non-psychotherapy approaches that might help you should you ever decide you want to try some drugs or physical treatments. Today’s tangent is just that, a tangent that I think is interesting but is non-defining of you or the work we do here.”

Five nods at that with a small frown. “To help you along on that tangent, then, so we don’t have to do it again – it’s wrong.”

“Okay?”

“Your little theory has me half-developed and stupid, of which I am neither.” He waves off Rob as he opens his mouth to apologize and explain. “It’s fine, as you just explained to me your brain function is also declining due to your advancing age. It is interesting, though, that your go-to direction for me doing a simple math calculation in an indirect way was to blame it on a possibly under-developed brain rather than the fact that I’m thirteen years older than you are and am farther along on my brain slipping into mush.”

Rob swallows and waits.

“But how I know you’re wrong about my brain is because, while I don’t remember much from being thirteen, I do remember some decisions I made when I was that age. One very big, very dumb decision. With absolutely no concern for the consequences and no back-up plan. That’s the sort of thinking thirteen-year-old brains do. It was a childish and very poorly calculated mistake. And I’m not that stupid now.”

“Understood,” Rob says. That sits between them, a bit heavy which was not Rob’s goal for the day so he adds, “You’re dumb because you’re old, not because you’re young.”

A smile ghosts at the edge of Five’s mouth. “Exactly.”

“Glad we cleared this up. I’m sorry I pushed us here, I misjudged. We’re good?”

Five nods. “We’re good.”

[theoddcatlady]

A Bachelor to Die For, Week One

I swear, I thought I was just starring on a dating show.

My name is Paige. I decided to put my name in the hat for Mr. Right as a joke, I just broke up with a long term boyfriend and hey, dating shows are all fake anyway right? Even if I got in, which was a slim chance anyway, I’d be told what to say and what to do. All for a good show.

I was shook when I got the call saying I’d been picked, pack my bags, I was going to be famous. Despite not really caring at first, I got really, really excited. I tend to binge watch reality shows when I’m having a bad day, just to have something to laugh at, so appearing on one sounded like a great time.

At the airport I met up with one of the hosts, Bruce Hayes, and two of the other contestants, Diana Vega and Taylor Challis. Bruce had a smile like the shark he shared a name with, clearly hit the tanning booth too often, and had uncomfortably white teeth, but he seemed nice. He pulled me into a way too tight hug when I tried going for a handshake. I swear I felt my shoulders pop when he let me go.

“Paige! So great to meet you, the other girls are on the plane already. Ever been to Canada?” He asked as he escorted me to the private flight.

I shook my head. “Never left the country before. Why Canada though, it’s gonna get real cold in a few weeks,” I said.

Bruce laughed so loudly I nearly flinched. “Well, that’s the perfect time to cuddle up with Mr. Right then, isn’t it?” He said.

“Good point.”

A tall black woman was slamming her suitcase into the overhead when I got on. She glanced over at me and I immediately got the oh so familiar feeling of inadequacy- she was drop dead gorgeous.

“Hey, Paige, right?” She gave the suitcase a final punch before skipping up to me and shaking my hand. “I’m Taylor.”

She was also British. How fair is that?

I nodded as I took a seat. “You going to be one of the other contestants?” She asked.

“Yep. I sorta entered as a joke,” I admitted.

“Oh my god, same!” Taylor laughed, her smile downright infectious. “My mates and I all entered, if anyone got in they all had to buy the winner drinks when she got back. I’m going to get positively slammed when I piss off Mr. Right with too many puns and get kicked off.” Taylor kicked the seat in front of her, startling the woman who had her headphones in. “Hey, turn off your damn podcast and say hi to Paige!”

“Shit!” The woman yanked out her earbuds, blushing bright red. She was just as gorgeous as Taylor, with olive skin and wavy dark brown hair. “I’m so sorry, when I got a podcast on I can tune out the whole world. I’m Diana.”

I waved. “I get it. You excited to be here?”

“Oh, absolutely!” Diana grinned, dimples showing up in her round cheeks. “My sister entered me, but now that we’re going I’m really getting into it. I’ve never really seen any dating shows so this is going to be a new experience.”

Bruce took his seat in front of me and chuckled. “Well, we hope to make this a unique experience, something new in a world growing stale with the same old thing. You excited?”

I gave two thumbs up, Diana cheered, and Taylor pumped both fists in the air. “Hell yes! Get this plane in the sky!” She said.

Bruce laughed as he gestured for the pilot to get going.

After take off I fished my Kindle out of my bag for some reading during the few hour flight, only to find I forgot to charge the goddamn thing. I started digging through my bag for the charger when I felt someone lightly poke my arm.

I looked up at Diana, who sat next to me and opened up her bag, which was packed to the brim with books. “This is why I’m going to develop back problems- I refuse to get an e-reader and just carry a library with me. You like fantasy?” She asked.

“Yes, thank you!” I picked a book I didn’t recognize. “I hope to write my own fantasy book someday.”

“Really?!” Diana’s eyes went huge. “That sounds amazing. What will it be about?”

Diana and I became fast friends. She had a great feeling that I was gonna come out on top as some sort of dark horse, since as she put it, ‘you don’t see yourself in a good light’. She worked as a receptionist at a doctor’s office and went hiking every weekend.

Honestly I didn’t get to finish the second chapter of my borrowed book, but I had a good time bonding with Diana. Taylor would pipe in with bad jokes and witty comments, we laughed so hard we nearly cried and my sides hurt. By the time we disembarked, we were acting like old friends.

We actually got to ride a limo to the shooting location and where we’d be staying during the duration of the show- an actual freakin’ mansion.

“This is the Vath Home. Another reason we’re shooting in Canada, Paige- the Vaths have been kind enough to let us use the estate for the show,” Bruce said.

“This is where the bachelor lives?!” Diana said, eyes nearly popping out of her skull.

Taylor snickered, a clear sign she was amused by whatever awful joke popped into her head. “He’s absolutely compensating for something…” She muttered, causing all of us to erupt into peels of laughter as we exited the car.

“Ladies! You’re finally here!”

A woman walked out the front door, clearly the other host we’d been told about, Monica Hoar. Something about her stretched smile unsettled me even more than Bruce’s, maybe it was the bright red lipstick. “You’re the final arrivals, and just on time, we’re about to shoot all the introductions! The servants will get your bags, just hurry up into make up and get ready!”

It was not fun sitting in front of the cameras when I’d spent the last several hours traveling and all I wanted to do was nap, but it did give me a chance to check out the competition. Found out that Taylor was an accountant, that she loved beach combing for seashells, scuba diving and apparently one hell of a dancer.

The next girl was Justice Sloane, and oh, bless her heart but she was not very bright. She was the culmination of every dumb blonde joke in the book, but she was a real sweetheart. Obviously quite pretty too, with blonde curls and big brown eyes. She was so damn excited to be here, she always wanted to be on a reality show, and she loved traveling around the world and collecting shot glasses from every locale.

Tara Saito was a fitness trainer and a fitness junkie. Her shiny black hair was cut into a pixie and she had this scar going through her left eyebrow, apparently from when she accidentally got whacked with a tennis racket in highschool. She apparently ran eight miles every day, wanted to push it up to ten next year. She was the competitive type, she wasn’t going to be a bitch but she wasn’t going to come out of here a loser. The only way she was walking out was ‘with a rock on her left ring finger’, her exact words. She had a pet snake back home named Bubbles. She didn’t name him that, he came with that name.

Jade Hutchison was clearly meant to be the drama causing bitch of the season. She actually took a moment of her interview to mock Justice and imply the girl had fake boobs. Classy. Thank god it flew over poor Justice’s head. She was the other blonde on set and I don’t think she’s really smiled all week, unless she was on camera. She worked at a salon as a hair stylist and I have the feeling was just there to be famous.

And then there was Shannon Radde. I thought I was socially awkward, but the girl had to be constantly told to look up at the camera instead of her feet. She was a cute, skinny nerd with thick rimmed glasses and long red hair, almost reached her hips. She was a factory worker and had her own Etsy shop creating fandom bath bombs. She almost made it through her interview when Jade made a comment about how inclusive the show was to include a retard, causing Shannon to burst into tears and run off the set. Bruce just encouraged the cameramen to keep the cameras on poor Shannon as she fled. Taylor and Tara teamed up to tell Jade where she could stick it while Diana ran after Shannon to comfort the poor girl.

When Shannon was encouraged to come back on set, we were all sat back down on the couch and given a bombshell-

This first week, we wouldn’t be meeting this season’s Mr. Right, Donovan Vath. Instead, he would be watching from hidden cameras placed all around the house. After the week was over, someone would be gone and then the real competition would begin.

Weird, maybe, but this first week was just fine.

The Vath Mansion had everything, its own movie theater and bowling alley in the basement, an indoor pool, a sauna, a hot tub out back in the middle of a hedge maze, you name a luxury the Vaths had it. I found myself in the library with Diana a lot, we both had a freak out over finding a first edition of ‘The Hobbit’, kept in a locked glass case so all we could do was gawk.

Each of the girls were sharing a room other than Justice, who was the lucky one of the week who got to bunk in the Queen’s Room. Apparently that was another thing- after this, whoever earned Donovan’s favor for the week would get their own bedroom, reportedly closest to his own. I roomed with Tara, who was out of bed by five AM every morning to take a run around the property.

“There is a home gym, aren’t you cold running outside?” I remember groggily asking as she got dressed in her work out gear.

“I find I work out better if I get some fresh air,” She said as she slipped her hoodie on. “You want to join me?”

I might have thrown my pillow at her. She absolutely caught it and pitched it right back at my head.

Again, everything was normal this week. Diana and I definitely clicked the most, but I can’t say I really disliked anyone other than Jade. Justice was ditzy, but she was also sincerely sweet and made sure everyone always felt included in our hangouts. Tara definitely had to always be the best, but she never put down anyone else. Shannon was socially awkward, but she had this cutest snort when Taylor got her laughing.

I wish that was the show. Just us all being friends.

Day seven and we were all lined up in the same room. We were laughing and joking around. Taylor bet me sixty bucks that Jade was going out first, I bet seventy that it would be me. Tara shoved me and said if I kept talking myself down then I would end up being the first to go. She’s all about how your outlook on things will affect the outcome.

The main cameras switched on and Bruce and Monica flicked on their shark like grins.

“I’m Bruce Hayes-”

“And I’m Monica Hoar-”

“And you’re watching Mr. Right!”

The music got really tense, something that made me giggle. Diana had to elbow me to get me to stop. Bruce clapped his hands together.

“Ladies, I have to say, you’ve all made this first week really special. I’m so glad you all came. But of course, every week we have to say good bye to one person who just didn’t impress our gentleman. Monica?”

Monica cleared her throat and ripped open a white envelope. “The lady leaving us this week is…”

I held my breath. Even if I didn’t care about winning, I was still tense.

“Justice Sloane.”

Justice gasped, looking around as if she expected another Justice to show up and take her place. Then she straightened her shoulders and put on a smile, even if I could see tears sparkling in her eyes.

“Any last words, Justice?” Monica asked.

Justice nodded. “Um… just that even though I didn’t even get to meet Mr. Right, I got to meet a lot of really, really great people. I hope we can all be friends, even when it’s over,” She said.

Monica gestured for Justice to exit out the archway, and head still head high, Justice walked out. She turned around to wave goodbye, still smiling, still so happy…

When the spike speared through her chest, spraying blood everywhere. Her smile faded, I heard screaming, maybe it was me, maybe it was all of us. She looked down, shaking fingers touching the spike before her eyes rolled back and she slumped down in the rapidly growing pool of red. The spike slowly pulled back, I heard a wet sounding tear and I saw a lump of flesh get ripped out of her back and into the darkness of the hallway.

I heard chewing and a swallow before a figure walked into the light.

A man walked into the light, sucking off the tip of one of his bloodied fingers. Sharp cheekbones and a jawline that went on for days didn’t do anything for me with a mouth covered in blood. That spike was connected to a long, many jointed tail, almost like a scorpion’s. It flicked into the air before just vanishing. He smiled, his teeth stained red.

“Good to finally meet you, everyone. I am Donovan Vath.”

Tara reacted first, she bolted for the other doorway, but Monica pulled out a little canister of mace from her purse and sprayed her in the face. She went down with a banshee screech, clawing at her eyes. Shannon had completely frozen up, dropping to her knees as her face went ghostly pale. Jade violently puked up her breakfast, bile and remnants of pancakes splattering across the hardwood floor. Diana was still screaming bloody murder. Taylor was backing up for the window, looking for anything to help her bust on through. I followed her movements and was about to grab a lamp when Bruce cleared his throat.

“Before you attempt to leave, ladies, might I remind you that a breach of contract will result in you immediately being kicked from the show, and if you didn’t already guess…”

He gestured to Justice’s limp body on the ground. I stared at what used to be such a lively girl, someone I probably could’ve called a friend for a long time. I dropped to the ground and blacked out.

I woke up in bed. Diana was with me. She was a mess, her make up smeared over her cheeks and she was softly rocking back and forth while softly sobbing.

“Diana?” I managed to sit up.

Diana wrapped me in a tight hug. “I… I just want to go home,” She said in between hiccups.

I hugged her back just as tight. Nothing I could say could make this situation better.

I don’t know what to do. We’ve been told if we’re caught contacting family or friends, that’s a breach of contract and they’ll be in ‘a heap of trouble’ as well as us getting kicked off the show. And if you get kicked off the show, Donovan will eat your heart. I don’t want to die. I don’t want my family to die if I get them tangled in this mess.

God help me though, because this week, I’m staying in the Queen’s Room.

Week Two

[eternalera]

some things that annoy me in writing

when a character endlessly trauma dumps on someone especially their lover.

i mostly dont like this trope because one, why and two GET A THERAPIST. THAT SHIT IS THEIR JOB. not to say that their partner cant comfort them but sometimes it does come to a point where that character is ENDLESSLY relying on their significant other for 'validation' or for 'therapy' and then they get mad at themselves or at their partner if they cant provide it. this drops a lot on the other significant other because now theyre worried about their own problems, their partners, and whatever else the hell is going on with their life. and when i say theyre worried about their partners i mean theyre worried worried like its constantly plagues them and the partner AINT HELPING. like they miss a date and all of the sudden it 'where were you?' 'i needed you!' 'you know whats going on with me right now how could you!' like no. stop it. they can love you but they aint your goddamn therapist. get someone else.

2. the whole 'i dont deserve you argument'

yes its fluffy, angsty and practically perfect in nearly every damn way but god. its hardly ever done right. like everything feels forced, the reasons feel forced and i can never actually hear someone saying that. i can hear someone going 'you shouldnt be here' as in 'i dont deserve you' or in some other way. if the whole 'i dont deserve you' argument is underlying then its fine but when its upright in an 'emotional scene' the whole 'i dont deserve you' just makes me go 'ugh' mostly because it just feels so goddamn unrealistic. not to mention it takes all that emotional tension and instead of adding to it, it just fucking plummets it in my opinion. it feels anticlimactic like it was gonna be the climax but it failed. kinda like you save what you think is gonna be the best firework for last but turns out its a dud so now youre sitting their like 'well wtf was that'

3. when characters are actively being pressured by the cast to move on

like shut up, it takes the average person 4 years to grieve and then some. just because it was a really long time ago doesnt mean that it didnt hurt. chances are that it hurt A LOT. not to mention its usually like 'we/you cant do anything about it, move on from it' this is usually over traumatic experiences and im sorry but this just isnt healthy. not saying that you have to be stuck in that moment forever but you cant just go 'welp i couldnt do anything, sucks to suck buh-byeeee' like no, thats not how it works. you need to come to terms with what happened and what you did. not endlessly blame yourself or just say that it wasnt your fault even partially. thats not coming to terms with things thats denying the truth. never do this

4. when sad backstories supposedly make up for everything

suck it up. yeah no suck it up. you can have trauma from those experiences but it doesnt make up for what you did in the SLIGHTEST. its basically saying 'sir i only killed that man because my parents never loved me :((((' like honey there is no correlation. stop

5. unnecessary descriptions to describe a character. like when theyre lovesick, sure. thats FINE. but when youre just meeting them like slow your roll. im trying to process so many things at once already, i got the dialog their personality, what was currently going on in the scene. not to mention sometimes i dont like overly descriptive dialog because it takes away the room for imagination which kinda sucks because if i saw them wearing a skirt but now youre saying theyre wearing jeans it kinda fucks with my mind more

these are all just my opinion :)

[thtdamfangirl4]

Bisexual people don’t owe you ANYTHING. We don’t owe you proof or explanations, we don’t need to be more queer or less straight or any of that bullshit because we are exactly what we are: bi. We don’t need to be with a person of the same gender to fucking validate ourselves in your eyes. We don’t need to share our dating histories or personal information just cause you want to know. It’s none of your goddamn business, and nobody asks the same questions of straight people, and they rarely ask it of gay people too.

I know this is a community, and that we all have so many shared experiences, but I’m so goddamn sick of the rampant biphobia in the world and so many people don’t see it or think about it or they let it slide. It fucking sucks. I’m sick of defending myself to heteronormative assholes who don’t believe I exist, for whom I am not straight enough. And I’m sick of reading posts from queer people, the kind of people I usually feel safest around, that tell me I don’t belong in their spaces.

In all honesty, I’m an incredibly privileged person. I am. I’m white and grew up in an upper middle class family and I’m able bodied and intelligent and I went to good schools and had a mostly good family, and I didn’t get dealt a lot of difficult cards. All of this is to say that, much like everything else in my life, I don’t really give a shit about myself.

I got fucked up from some things that happened to me, but I never really did anything about it or felt angry until I saw it happen to people around me. I consider my own feelings far less often than I consider those of the people I care about. That’s how I feel about this. So if you want to be a biphobic asshole, direct it at me. I’ve taken it before, and I’ll survive it again. I can hear slurs and bible passages from family and priests and deal with people I considered friends telling me I would never really be a part of the queer community. Throw it at me if you’re a shithead who needs a target cause if I see you doing it to one more kid who’s going to internalize it the way I did, I’ll fucking lose my mind.

We don’t owe you anything, and we don’t deserve your hatred and constant invalidation. Stop erasing us. Stop berating us. And for the love of GOD, stop telling kids who they are or are not supposed to be, or placing labels on themselves that they’re not ready to hand you. WE DONT OWE YOU A LABEL. QUEER PEOPLE OF ALL KINDS DO NOT OWE YOU A COMING OUT. Heteronormative society demands one, because to them, we are outliers, we are strangers, we must announce ourselves. Fuck that bullshit. We owe you NOTHING. Celebrities??? They owe you NOTHING. Believe what you want to believe, but stop pressuring people to reveal their private lives to you. They owe you NOTHING. And especially if that person is young, you have no idea how much damage you’re doing. Stop commenting on everything about how “queer coded” something is. It’s a person’s LIFE. It’s not a code to be cracked. You want to talk about that? Text your friend, tell your roommate, say it to upset your dad. But don’t go yell across the internet void at an impressionable human being (something we are at every age) that you “know their secret.” You’re making it harder. You’re making it worse. I’ve felt this way before, too. Sure of something, sure of representation I so desperately craved. And I still think maybe I’m right. But it’s not my place to yell at celebrities and anybody else I know about coming out, because that’s a deeply personal decision.

Watching an 18 year old who is giving the world perhaps the best onscreen bisexual representation I’ve ever seen get harassed into coming out to get a mob of prying, insensitive fans off his back was something that fueled my anger today. And the people who caused the problem are standing by it, some even saying he’ll be “fully out” by next year. Fuck you. Fuck every biphobic bone in your body. Leave kit alone, leave young adults alone, leave adults alone, stop forcing people to fit into your boxes so you can judge them accordingly. QUEER PEOPLE OWE YOU NOTHING. At 18, I hadn’t come out to anyone except my closest friends, who were also queer. Not my parents, not my siblings, and now, years later, still not to many other family members, friends, or coworkers. We are constantly talking about not knowing what we’re doing through the early years of adulthood, and yet you’re demanding that 18 year old kids have it all figured out, and on top of it, be okay and comfortable enough with all of it to announce it to the world, despite living in a world that still sees us as a secondary group and tells us we’re going to hell. Or that we’re liars. Or both. That’s fucked. Leave people alone.

[infinitemelancholie]

I kinda unleashed on someone today and tbh I feel kinda glad that I did. Maybe a little regretful for not landing a few more shots on her but tbh still pretty satisfied either way. Like I'm glad I just laid into someone like that. Like I just unleashed my anger and resentment and let it fly. And it paid off spectacularly. She's out of my life which is relieving and honestly worth celebrating because why do I need someone like her in my life to begin with?

Time after time I run across some chick still burned from whatever dude did her dirty or someone who's got some really weird ideas surrounding love and sex and honestly putting them in their place just seems so right. That's how she was. She wasn't friends with her exes which is a bad sign because why? And like yeah I made a badly timed joke but I also tried to rectify the problem but she wasn't having it so why not just tell her she really ain't shit? She clearly has a history of dating not so good guys and honestly let em keep having her and that's probably where she's going to end up in the end.

I'm tired of meeting people who like to play helpless in their love life. Yeah her exes were toxic but she was also the one that dated them. She had the agency to break it off with them whenever but decided to stick around and honestly that's on her. It's also on her to deal with her problems instead of projecting them onto others.

She reminded me so much of my mom and honestly that's the problem. That's the problem with a lot of the women I end up meeting. On some level they just end up turning into her in some way shape or form. I keep running into helpless little victims who refuse to take any accountability for their actions or anything and instead just decide to lash out at whichever man happens to be in their vicinity because why not? They always expect me to be their perfect little boy toy but I'm not that kinda guy. I have my own life and my own personality. Y'know she called me an asshole and for some reason that just felt so liberating. It was like finally I'm free from having to be this picture perfect boyfriend. Finally I'm able to just run amok and do my own thing. I can live as I want to now without any repercussions. The asshole side of me is alive and well and honestly i'm glad he's here. Of course i'm not going to be rude and standoffish to everyone but I mean I have a mean side who's looking out for me and what matters most to me so I'm just going to bask in the wonders and gloriousness of that. Being called an asshole by someone like that is actually the best compliment you can ever receive.

So, that being said, it's time now for me to find my fellow assholes. The kinda people who can examine themselves and take accountability for their own actions. The kind of people who recognize that every relationship good bad toxic or abusive is somehow their fault, but they're taking steps to avoid those kinds of entanglements now and are actually open to the possibility of a goddamn healthy relationship where We each recognize our own faults in having upset the other or something but somehow still finding a way to make it work. God that's literally all i'm looking for. And if I run into someone who can't handle that then guess who's fault it is? Theirs. And imma gladly exit and never look back. God I love me lol. Like seriously look at me. I'm not letting her opinion of me weigh me down. I'm not letting many others' opinions of me weigh me down. I'm actually trying my best to be a decent date and partner for others and ugh I just can't get enough of who I am right now in this moment. I'm really the best fucking guy on the planet and I kick so much ass lol

[peenybobini]

12/21/23

It's almost Christmas and it doesn't feel real but I know that happens every year

At least this year I watched almost every holiday movie I wanted to and it was A LOT

Dylan watched love actually with me a few days ago and it was so much fun

Season 45 of survivor ended yesterday, one of my favorite seasons in a long long time we had an absolute blast watching it

I'm getting super hyser aware of my teeth and idk why, I have GOT to see a dentist and soon, maybe stop smoking this new year and start doing whitening strips but I know myself and fat fucking chance tbh

I love Dylan I'm so happy most of the time

Sex has been more frequent and more fun, I'm hurting less being more active, have made so much money this month but unfortunately it's all gone elsewhere for Christmas and I randomly had a shit ton of stuff run out all at the same time but I feel like I'll be able to afford everything easy? Idk I may have miscalculated but I'm just rolling with it

Peter and I said I fucking love you to each other for the first time after being friends for like 6 years or something crazy last night when he was kinda messed up and needed support. He always apologizes a lot and I try to let him know it's nothing to be embarrassed about, and I get it, Dylan's really the person I can talk to about any and everything and I feel like I might be that person for Peter and it just isn't the same and I get it. Idk though man's got his problems and can be fucked up sometimes but I really do care for him so much and I can only hope I can break him out of his shell and encourage him enough so he can start meeting girls romantically!!! Maybe I should offer that like dude let's hit a virtual fucking life makeover? Idk it'll have to waait, checked in today cause I know he goes radio silent any time h gets vulnerable, but he was okay for sure it just might be a few days which sucks but it is what it is lord knows I've disappeared on the guy more than a few times

And then Cailee's struggling bad right now with not being able to find a job, and she's still dating Juan who god bless him I don't fucking like and think he is so mean to her for no reason but for some reason he holds all the power in the relationship? Feel like sometimes he manipulates her extreme anxiety to his benefit, but I'm not around them enough to totally deduce that. Definitely hard for me to mind my business and be like okay o hope he does leave because cuck that guy come live with me and dylan and Jack and let's get a huge house and maybe you guys will fall in love and it'll be perfect and the commune can begin but obviously not going to happen.

Communication with Cheyenne is always so stilted lately, have been trying to make plans since September but since I've been out of commission obviously with the breakage I think it ends up being a free out in her mind which is like fine. Idk I feel jealous of her and Jonathan even though I know shit for them sucks sometimes too? Seeing the Christmas card they sent us just kind of ignited something in me and I'm tired of not being married and I'm tired of not having a baby. And i really really want to at least start that process in the next couple of years but idk if there will ever not be a part of me that feels like that's a huge mistake? God shit is so complicated all the time

And I fucking miss summer. I miss her so much. I can't believe we've fallen off this hard. I'm always being left hanging. I knew to expect it and I try not to take it personal but goddamn, it hurts so, so bad. I really thought we'd be able to make it past not working together, I just feel like we got along on so many levels I don't with any of my other friends. I feel like we were so alike in so many ways but were we just mirroring each other? I don't think so. I wish I never said that shit to Dylan, I think it completely fucked up any chance of our friendship lasting forever. I only hope and can wonder if one day when he's further out of the BPD bubble I'd I'd be able to explain it to him where he'd listen. That I truly was just trying to appease, and make my situation okay, and thought I was going to die or end up killing my self because the pain was so bad. What a dark fucking time in my life dude I can't believe i survived that shit. Or that our relationship did. I hope Josh is nice to her and makes her feel loved and doesn't rely on her to do everything for him forever, I don't think I'll ever live a day where I don't consider her my best friend, despite all the I mean let's call it what it is absolute bullshit she's put me through

Idk I feel like that's dramatic I don't think I mean it. I just miss her, it sucks getting close to another new friend only to be totally ghosted on once we stop working together. Again. I guess it's a lesson though? Idk I feel like the way my business is going I'll likely not have any coworkers again really. If I can figure out how to avoid the annoying bitches I rent with currently.

And I'm so sick of everybody trying to give me business advice and idk why it bothers me so much either? Ego thing?

Also I've been having so many sex dreams lately, a Bob Odenkirk one that was kind of sweet honestly but that makes sense as I've been thinking about him a lot lately because I just finished better call Saul and absolutely loved it and think he is so cute, and an Adam driver one that was super weird, lots of free falling but also flying? Definitely close to a lucid dream I felt like I was making my own decisions they were just absolutely bonkers, like being in a mall, zombies coming, fighting with Adam driver, looking into the sky and "allowing myself to fly by letting go" was what the feeling was. And then I'd get up there and if I tried to land on whatveee the fucking aircraft was everybody was in I'd start falling immediately. Don't ask me where sex fit into this because I truly don't know lmao, I just remember being in a place I knew was his apartment and arguing and then we started and fucking and it was less sweet more hot, it's probably been all those Girls clips showing up on my tiktok page.

Dylan and I had awesome sex today also, probably the best in a minute. I wish I felt like making out with him I miss it so much, idk how to bring up his breath though without hurting his feelings. But I really miss kissing, it doesn't seem like he does though. It reminds me of when I first started staying over with him again in denton when he was still talking to Veronica. Like first first. Super weird thoughts as like he reminded me a week or so ago. But then I'm like does my breath stink? Has his always smelled this bad? Is something wrong or am I just gross and don't care?n idk im gonna have to bring it up at some point and it just sucks that i have to.

And I love my body and it sucks that I've been feeling so weird and off about it lately. Trying to be extra mindful to push those thoughts away when they start but it's hard. I think it's the physical therapy and all the mirrors and feeling gross with the way I walk now. Idk. Gotta push those thoughts aside it doesn't fucking matter and I love my body and I feel beautiful I really really do. And I don't feel like I need anybody to tell me that anymore. Please god let me get my fucking hair done on Sunday like I'm supposed to please please please

Manifesting twice as much business next year!! I can do it!! Everything is amazing and beautiful and life is going so well for me and it will never stop because of how capable and determined and just frankly fucking awesome I am!! I love myself!!

[boosifer]

this annoyingly-cute, endearing little shit

Again, this is just a safe space for me to try to understand my own emotions regarding my lovely, likely-unrequited plant dealer crush. Damn, can you imagine if he somehow managed to find this? I think I would actually cry and maybe drop our shared lab. There's too many details that would add up to be a coincidence, and he's not a stupid guy. I don't even know if he'd like acknowledge it or say anything to me which kinda seems worse. I'd simply have to drop out and move to Canada and become a moose farmer-- there are no other alternatives in this scenario. Here's hoping that doesn't happen. Anyways:

We've known each other for little over a year now, but we really only started talking in earnest this past month (wonder why...). I guess part of me was scared to try and form those relationships with people surrounding me, like some part of me was worried about catching feelings? Or maybe it's as simple as I finally decided to stop letting my anxiety win and start engaging with people like I've always wanted. And it's been great so far! I'm getting invited to do things and I finally feel like I'm doing something right. Even if it means more complicated feelings. I always look forward to texting him because the conversations are really refreshing. Like we can just kinda joke and get to know each other better.

He's just... so nice. Like, he really gave me a live plant that he grew from a seedling, just because I mentioned how pretty I thought his monsterras were and how I like plants too? And he gave me his number in case I had plant questions and has continued to entertain my chaotic texting. Like, I'm always worried I come across as annoying (or, God forbid, desperate), but he's so chill and genuine in our conversations. Definitely a green flag that I can tease and be teased in such a relaxed, friendly way. I also just love how he always manages to be kind and put in effort to engage me in group conversations. I feel like I'm a bigger part of the group now through a combination of mine and his efforts. He's so so smart, like way smarter than me, and I enjoy hearing him talk about his work and how he thinks around problems. And he really does fulfill all the kinda dorky nerd boy dreams with his professor-looking vibes. It really compliments his eyes and the freckles!! Really really appreciate the subtle freckles. Plus, tall boy. We like a tall boy.

There's times where I almost feel like he could have feelings for me, but then we'll go a while without talking or he'll keep the talks super casual. I really don't even know him super well I guess, but I'm trying to learn. For all I know, he could have a partner or not be interested in having a relationship. But he posed the idea of going thrifting together and even getting coffee afterwards (caffeine addicts unite!), and I'm acting like a goddamn middle-schooler wondering if that means he like-likes me and wants it to be a date. Either way, I'm really looking forward to Tuesday <3

He just feels like a safe person to have a crush on. It's so nice to not have this sense of looming dread over whether or not this could be something more. For now, I'll just enjoy my delulu thoughts and enjoy having a good friend (and plant dealer). I know this is my final year of school and I have other priorities, so I'm not super desperate to jump into another relationship right away anyways. I can't wait to see what the future holds.

[servin-up-surveys]

survey #126

Tell me about the first five photos you have on your phone or camera. First by date taken (or saved) and not like, my five most recent? There's a meerkat wallpaper, a Markiplier quote one, me holding my niece Emerson when she was born, and then two of Roman.

Have you got any half or step siblings? One half-brother, two half-sisters (that I count, there's one more but I don't know her), and technically a stepbrother through my dad's current wife, but I don't consider him my brother at all. Also barely know him.

Have you ever known someone online and then met them in person? If so, which website did you meet on? Yes, Sara. We "met" via the Meerkat Manor fanbase on YouTube at like, 8 and 10 years of age. DARK fuckin days lmfao

When was the last time you were sick and what illness did you have? Covid, many months ago.

Do you know anyone with a serious anger management problem? No, thank FUCKING god. I can't handle people who show anger on an aggressively physical level, never mind on a regular basis. I fucking can't, especially if it's a man. I'm breaking the FUCK down, no matter what man it is/his relation to me or what setting we're in.

What color is your wallet? Red, black, and creamy white. It's a Harley Quinn (comics-style) design.

Have you seen all the Lord of the Rings movies? I haven't seen any, actually. Not interested.

Do you have an unhealthy obsession with colored furry throw pillows that are different shapes and sizes? Haha no, but I AM obsessed with those pillows that have been a "thing" lately that look like various types of succulents. I SO BADLY wanna get one of those totally ethereal bed comforters that looks like moss or just other grassy stuff along with some of those pillows, goddamn I would be so happy.

Have you ever had to call the cops on someone else before? *I* didn't, but my sister did on a VERY obviously intoxicated (or dealing with something similar) driver. This motherfucker nearly hit so, SO many people, like I KNOW we weren't the only people who called them in, given we were on a Raleigh (NC capitol) highway, where it's extremely busy. It was actually on my birthday on the way back home and I was in full panic attack mode freaking the TOTAL fuck out. I just hate cars, man.

Don’t you hate it when people suddenly love a celebrity when they die? I. HATE. This question. Somebody - and usually someone very loved by a massive number of people, if they're a celebrity - just fucking DIED, left the fucking world, and you wanna complain about people caring? Go fuck yourself, like jesus fucking christ.

What was the last cocktail you drank? I tried a Mai Tai yesterday that Mom made, but it was disgusting (aka too strong) so I certainly didn't truly drink it.

Are you good at keeping running counts and tallies in your head? NONONOONONONONONONOONONONONONONONONONOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO, it is honestly absurd how bad I am at remembering numbers in any context. With counting, if you say a SINGLE word to me while I'm focusing way too fuckin hard on not messing up, I'm immediately losing where I was, even if it was single digits.

Are there any foods you hate the smell of but like the taste, or vice versa? Well, I absolutely adore the smell of coffee, but I think it tastes disgusting. I'm sure there's other stuff, too.

Do you have a dishwasher? Yes, thank god.

Do you make to-do lists? I actually recently downloaded a nice to-do list program on this laptop that I've been enjoying using. It's been helping me. It's called Todoist if you wanna check it out, it's nice, and free.

What pet names do you use for your friends/loved ones? "Hun(ny)," "dear," "darling," and "love" are most common for me with friends. I'm also one of those people who use "bitch" affectionately lmao, don't be offended by me saying that.

What pet names do you like to be called? Just about anything is fine with me, but I definitely favor cute ones, like I know I've mentioned in the past a doctor I used to see who called all her patients (including elderly men) "ladybug" and it was my favorite thing ever, please she was SO cute and I miss her. OH, one I CAN think of that I will absolutely hate from anyone is "princess," holy fucking shit don't.

Have you ever developed your own film? No.

What breed was the last dog you saw? She's a chihuahua.

What’s your favorite thing to do at the end of the day? Lately my unwinding routine in bed has been scroll through Tumblr, then Facebook before actually trying to sleep. Sometimes I'll add Insta or Pinterest.

Do you have a hard time letting things go? I have a miserably hard time letting people go, like it's absurd JUST how reluctant I am with basically anybody, no matter what they've done.

When did you last feel fear? Stepping on the scale for my weight to be logged at the psychiatrist today. THANKFULLY, it hadn't gone up.

What last made you smile? I saw this super fuckin cute picture I hadn't seen before on Tumblr of Richard and Paul being girlfriends, smiling was mandatory

Have you ever walked through a sunflower field? NO BUT I WISH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Are you a fan of Taylor Swift? What’s your favorite song from her? No, but there are a couple mega-old songs by her I enjoy; I sincerely and wholeheartedly love "Love Story," and I'm sorry but "Picture To Burn" is a CLASSIC that I think every teenager has belted at least once lmfao

What’s something great that has happened to you recently? Actually today at PT, I noticed in the mirror that the pants I regularly wear out looked a lot baggier on me than what I'd grown used to. I commented mostly to myself on it, and Mom pointed out, "Brittany, you have absolutely lost weight," and it was really really REALLY validating and exciting to know other people could see progress.

Would you ever paint your bedroom bright blue? No. Maybe a lighter blue, but not bright.

What’s your favorite way to eat rice? As pork fried rice.

What’s something that has really impacted your life? Dealing with a plethora of mental illnesses, as well as experiencing relationship trauma.

What did you last have as a snack? Some peach rings.

Do you like lima beans? NO, I despise all beans. As a kid I used to explain hating lima beans with "they have fluff in them" and girl real and true 😭

How many bottles do you see from where you’re sitting? Just the water bottle by me.

Do you ever do these surveys with your SO? Nah.

Do you have a waste basket in your car? Mom generally keeps a plastic bag hooked around the transmission thing.

What’s the last wild animal you have seen? Well realistically I'm sure a bird, but maybe close to a week ago, a rabbit was in our front yard around dusk! Lil guy was just grazing and I freaked bc bunny. I immediately tried getting a picture of it from my window, but because of the lighting but especially the window blinds, it wasn't gonna happen.

Something you were surprised to learn about your parent’s childhood? [TW: RAPE] Childhood, idk, but I never knew my mother was drugged by her "boyfriend" and date-raped until like, literally this year. That's how Katie got here. My mom is just too fucking good for this world and even any heaven, I learned because via DNA testing and stuff Katie recently got in touch with her father, and has apparently been building a relationship with him, and my mom is entirely refusing to tell her what really brought her here; like, I asked her, and she responded with so much fire and SO quickly that she was not taking this away from her. I cannot IMAGINE the pain it causes her, especially when Katie's told her he's been nice. I just can't even try to imagine, I fuckin can't.

Have you ever told a friend you thought their parent was hot? Uh no, that's weird.

Have you ever destroyed another person’s belongings out of anger? Absolutely not, find a better way to be angry, ffs.

Which painkiller do you use? Usually Ibuprofen 'cuz it's cheaper than Advil but still basically the same thing.

Would you like to be part of a wedding party? It's honestly not my favorite thing, primarily because of all the pictures, but of course I would be in them for my family and close friends.

Have you ever thrown anything up to hang on the power/phone lines? No, not a fan of that.

Something you taught yourself how to do? Edit videos in Sony Vegas programs at least semi-decently.

What is the last song you listened to in a car? Uhhhh I honestly can't remember what was the last thing on this morning.

Do you currently feel calm? Yeah, I'm fine. Probably going to sleep soon; surprised I'm not already honestly, last night was TERRIBLE sleep-wise and I've been a complete zombie today, so I really shouldn't be awake.

If applicable, what’s your favorite sports team? Not into sports.

When did you last sign your signature? Today at the psychiatrist actually, for a certain sort of info release.

What cover do you think is better than the original song? Two BLARINGLY obvious ones imo that I always instantly go to: Johnny Cash's version of "Hurt" (originally by Nine Inch Nails) and Disturbed's cover of "Sound of Silence" (originally by Simon & Garfunkel). Like, it's not even a competition.

Who is the last person that gave you butterflies? Girt.

Are you planning on kissing anyone tomorrow evening? Girt is coming over tomorrow so I'm sure I will.

Have you ever told a guy you were a lesbian to get him to leave you alone? No.

If you have a favorite television show, who’s your favorite character? In Meerkat Manor, it's Mozart. Growing up it was always Flower, but I mean, she was basically everybody's with her being like the "main" character that you were always rooting for, but I've considered it Mozart for many years now. Don't get me wrong, I adore Flower (I loved every single meerkat merely mentioned in that show), but Mozart was just a truly gentle meerkat, even without the MM script that made up or altered things. In That '70s Show, it's SO hard to pick because all the characters are so memorable and lovable in their own way, but I think I've always liked Hyde the most.

[foxtwink]

little rant about my bf & his frat

ask me to things, and i say no. the way you respond i can tell you're annoyed. no i'm not going clubbing with the frat, no i'm not coming to smoke. bail on the weekends, claim i'm busy on the weekdays. (most of the time, though, i don't need to. you're always too busy for me anyways.) every time you mention the frat i feel like i'm facing an opponent and i run the other way, terrified. and why shouldn't i? those are not my people, and you, my boyfriend, prioritize them over me. i'm okay with that (swallow down bitterness with the truth of it, the way we talked it over fall quarter), but how dare you get annoyed at me for not joining your lifestyle or not hanging out with your frat? all the shit i put up with from you, because your choice your life, yet you offer me none of the same compassion. "i need to get you into drugs," you said. why?

pretend pretend pretend you do not hurt me. pretend pretend pretend, as you put your arms around me kiss me say "i'm sorry" as you come back, your friends giggling because you fake-kissed the delivery person. "i didn't do anything!" you say, still laughing. and you and your many boyfriends. "i'm homiesexual." "jorge finished me off." "i'm going to make out with max tonight." i laugh, but at a certain point, the jokes get repetitive and annoying. and you seem to have no problem making them after fucking me. you seem to think that being straight gives you a pass every time you make gay jokes. i love you i love you i love you, we are sacred, words like poison spilling out of your mouth. you are unbelievable. "i'm sorry." no you're not. "it's just funny." to who? i watch paris cuddle with her boyfriend and feel a twinge of jealousy at how they team up, how he listens to her, how she whispers in his ear. we never do that.

i've given up asking you to magic or steel bridge. given up asking you, staring across the room at brody, texting darryl more than i want to, feeling more myself around jason than you, trying not to stare at the blue-haired boy in my calc class. i try not to wonder at how other people make more space and time for me than you. i think about breaking up with you more often than i think about dating you. i hate myself for it, hate you more, wake up sweating from a dream about cheating on you just for the sake of hurting you the way i'm hurting. the guilt washes away more quickly than the lingering desire for someone else. the way you hurt me, unintentionally, and will never know you do because i will never tell you. because selflessly, i will never make you choose me over anything. i'm not a pushover. i have boundaries. but i live with the consequences, including your irritability and frustration. you inspire my anger.

we are fine on the surface. we have no issues, right? no arguments. "communicate. please." i don't want to. "it's irrational"... you forget yourself. tell me that again, walking home alone late at night because someone you trusted was too inebriated, left you in the corner, got handsy with some girl upstairs. tell me that again, with 9 inches removed from your height and at half your strength. you should know all too well how men can change faces. everyone knows their frat bros like family until one of them rapes a girl. "we don't do that shit" and "he would never do that" and "i know him, that's just not him" comes out the mouth of every goddamn boy i've met. you think you're so different? god, for the person you are, you can still be so naïve sometimes.

have fun, is all i can tell you. stay safe. because i want you to come home to me, at the end of the day. because i love you, so much so that it takes over my body like the blood washing through my veins. and i can never stay mad at you, as much as i want to. i can never let go of you, even when i dream about it. i put up with it all- "you're going to have to come to the frat house to visit me this quarter" and "i want to see you even if we're just studying together." i could be hanging out with someone else. i'd probably be having more fun, doing something i actually enjoy. instead, i see you on your schedule and not mine. i do what you want to and am out of ideas when you ask me what i want, because i already know you don't have the patience for lying still on the grass next to me, staring at the sunset. i would do that with someone else. maybe i will. maybe i already have.

the point is, i have no problem doing what i enjoy with other people and not trying to drag you into it. but your disappointment and irritation at me when i ask you to do the same hurts. i already try, babe, can't you see that? i went to the party. i'm coming to visit you at the frat house if you want. i would be down to hang out with the frat if it was nearby, say hi to them when you talk to them in the dining hall. why are you still so frustrated at me? why do you ask more from me? when i am already trying my best, why is it not enough? i never ask more from you.

last night i wrote about wanting to spend my birthday in privacy with you. i wrote about how much i miss you and love spending time with you. i wrote about the second time we met up, how i got butterflies looking up into your eyes. but in daylight, analyzing your reaction as i decline yet another invitation, i'm starting to feel like maybe i want to spend my birthday with someone else. darryl, or jason, or somebody. someone who has asked me to hang out on my time and enjoys it. someone who could lay in the grass and stare at the sunset with me. someone who dances on street corners when i do, touches glowing lights like me, interacts with my shadow and takes interest in what i do. yes, someone like darryl and not you.

i don't know yet. i feel at the precipice of some breakthrough, and i refuse to make it yet because i want to enjoy the idea of you, stunning and perfect, a little bit longer. i told you that the guys i hang out with aren't threats to you. and i mean it. i don't feel anything like what i feel for you around them. but sometimes, they are the only people i feel like i can be anything close to myself around. sometimes, they are my only escape from you.

[smokeybrandreviews]

Closing Notes

With the recent release of Black Panther: Wakanda Forever and The Guardians of the Galaxy Holiday Special, we have come to the premature close of the MCU’s Phase Four. As a Marvel shill, i enjoyed my time in the world Feige is trying to build but the Infinity Saga has left some huge shoes to fill. Normies are real mad about all of the legacy characters being introduced in this first Phase after the end of the first Saga and i get it. As a fan of the comics, i love seeing deep cut characters like White Vision and Agatha Harkness. I lost my sh*t when Wundagore was introduced or when Zemo put on his mask for the first time, even if it was only for a handful of seconds. My fanboy heart definitely enjoyed Phase Four but I'd be lying if i said it was mismanaged. There is a lot to dislike in this thing so i get the vitriol. That said, i wanted to take a look back before we move forward. Quantumania comes out in two moths and we kick off that Kang arc with a proper bang! Also, I'm counting the two Specials as films here. I figure, since they aren’t serial in nature, they should be lumped in with the films instead of the shows.

Black Widow

Listen, Black Widow does a lot of sh*t i like. Finally given Scarlett something to do after a f*cking decade is a big one but this is the flick that blessed us with Florence Pughs’ Yelena Belova and i like what they did with Taskmaster, as controversial a thought that is. David Harbor kills was Red Guardian and anytime Rachel Weisz does anything, I'm game. She’s been a favorite of mine since The Mummy. All of that said, Black Widow is the most pedestrian of Phase Four in almost every way. This thing is a paint-by-numbers capeflick that doesn’t belong as the opening taste of what comes next. Black Widow is firmly planted as the Ghost of MCU Past. Sh*t should have came out at the beginning of Phase Two.

Shang-Chi and the Legend of the Ten Rings

I like Shang-Chi. I don’t think it’s as good as every one says and it definitely drops the ball at the climax by not introducing Fin Fang Foom but, up to that point, i liked what we had. A solid martial arts flick with an MCU skin? F*ck yeah, sign me up! The action in this thing is the best the entire MCU has to offer and, i must say, i absolutely fell in love with Xu Xialing. I can’t wait to see where her character goes. I don’t think the villain, Xu Wenwu, is as compelling as every says but he s undeniably one of the strongest “villains” in the MCU. He’s not Thanos or Killmonger but is easily the second best antagonist in Phase Four.

Marvel’s Eternals

This movie sucked, bro. I had a feeling it would strictly based on the fact no one outside of hardcore comic fans know who the Eternals even are. And those of us who do, don’t care. These f*ckers are throwaway pastiches of Kirby’s New Gods, who he gave life for DC five years earlier, in the very worst way. These motherf*ckers are wildly overpowered and they just get nerfed to oblivion in this film. Like, Ikaris is straight up Superman. F*cking Thanos is an Eternal! Like, that’s the power level we’re talking about and you wouldn’t know it from watching this nonsense. I have just SO many problems with this movie but, at the end of the day, it’s just so poorly written. There’s too many plots, too many characters, and stakes that don’t make any f*cking sense. Eternals is easily the worst of Phase Four. It’s kind of ironic because, for me, the best of the Phase was the next to hit theaters.

Spider-Man: No Way Home

Bro, this movie was everything for me. Multiverse shenanigans. DaFoe being the best goddamn pure villain in the MCU. All of the cinematic Spider-Men to date, teaming up onscreen. So much closure. backdoor origin story for the most comic accurate Spider-Man we’ve seen yet. F*cking Andrew Garfield, man! And, to top it all off, they made me actually LIKE a version of that god forsaken One More Day plot. That, alone, puts it at the top of my list. Every other awesome thing i mentioned, pales in comparison to that single feat. I loved NWH. It was f*cking amazing. Fight me about it.

Doctor Strange and the Multiverse of Madness

MoM is my second favorite film in Phase Four and it’s all because of Wanda “Bloody Barefoot Rampage” Maximoff. Ma’am was a whole ass problem and it was a joy to see. I mean, i enjoyed America Chavez, too, but i was already kind of a fan so Xochitl Gomez’s interpretation was a solid bet in my book. There was other dope sh*t, too, but this movie is carried by Wanda and you’re a whole ass liar if you say other wise.

Thor: Love and Thunder

I don’t really care about this movie either way. It’s kind of forgettable and, coming of Ragnarok, a wild disappointment.. It looked cheap, wasted The Mighty Thor, and just felt meh. I loved the introduction of Singularity, that sneak peak at Eternity, and allowing Jane Foster to get her due (finally) but this entire outing felt inconsequential. Gorr the God Butcher was totally wasted and there was really nothing all that visually stunning to really awe the audience. L and T definitely isn’t the worst Thor flick, that’s still The Dark World, but i can’t really be upset at people who think otherwise. No chances were taken with this thing. It felt safe as f*ck and kind of cowardly in all honesty. I wanted that God Bomb so bad but nope. dead loves and surrogate daughters with the power of the the most powerful Cosmic Abstract. Like, this chick Love is a straight up avatar of Eternity and that makes her the most powerful thing in the MCU proper. I have no idea how you square that with any f*cking threat, ever.

Black Panther: Wakanda Forever

This one hurt to watch. Black Panther means so much to my culture. Chadwick Boseman was the blackest, coolest, motherf*cker to ever don a supersuit and infused a genuine blackness into the character. Everything Wakanda is, was created around Boseman’s T’Challa. His passing derailed this entire world and left Coogler no choice but to scrap everything and he did it by literally washing the Wakanda we knew up to that point, of the f*cking map. Wakanda Forever is an exercise in mourning and dealing with your grief, it just happened to have a really good take on Namor, instigating that painful ass journey to catharsis. There are really great performances in this thing, specifically Letitia Wright and Angela Bassett. Bro, these women were HURT and you FEEL that sh*t. Every monologue Bassett had was a dagger in my goddamn heart. Wright’s damn near palpable hate was perfectly conveyed. Wakanda Forever is my third favorite of the MCU films. It’s a solid f*cking watch, even if there are a few issues with the pacing and writing.

Werewolf by Night

I have to say, i did not expect what i got with Marvel’s first Special. Werewolf is everything i want the MCU to be going forward. It has the quality of an early Phase Three film but the creative spirit of Phase One; Something sorely missing from the rather rather formulaic and very much green screen-y current MCU run. This thing was filmed on a practical set, with practical makeup and practical stunt work. The CG aspects were kept to a minimum though I'm kind of hurt they didn’t go all in and build a proper Man-Thing but, you know, budgets and all. I think, taking the breadth of the current Phase Four run, Werewolf by Night is in my top three. I might even like it more than MoM but that might be a stretch because, goddamn, was Wanda a problem in that film.

Guardians of the Galaxy Holiday Special

I watched this immediately after Werewolf by Night and. let me tell you, the creative whiplash was real. While i enjoyed the GotG special, it is another formula film. Obviously, it’s got all the hallmarks of a James Gunn production and the character work is incredible (I love that Mantis finally got the spotlight) but there is nothing “new” here. It’s earnest and has a lot of heart but that’s what you come to expect from Guardians films. Outside of Cosmo, there really isn’t anything all that great about this special. It’s just a Christmas themed Guardians of the Galaxy movie and that’s fine. It’s fine.

Ultimately, Phase Four feels a little... disjointed. There are some solid entries but,  more often than not, these films feel like filler. They feel like the building blocks to what com es next. They feel like Phase One all over again and i have been steadily championing that notion since Widow released. Phase Four had a lot of groundwork to lay in order to move forward with what will be the MCU’s new trajectory. Iron Man and Captain America are effectively gone so there had to be a change in terms of narrative direction. Phase Four was supposed to do that, mostly with the shows, but there are hints in the films, too. These films and Specials were basically created to shift the status quo and introduced players into the MCU that will have much bigger roles in the future. It’s basically the origin arc for the massive Secret Wars event at the end of Phase six or whatever. A lot of cats hate the fact that so many female heroes are taking center stage or that established characters are getting “race-bent” but, i mean, of course they would. That Infinity Saga is over. Why not take this opportunity to spread a bit more color around the MCU? Honestly, this has been well overdue.

You think Feige introduced Falcon without the intent of giving us Falcon Cap down the line? You think the Atalantean Namor was going to actually work in the MCU? Obviously, Shuri would be the next Black Panther if you’ve read the comics and if Young Avengers is really going to be a thing, Ms. Marvel was definitely going to be on that team. Confusing organic diversity with identity politics because all of your straight white heroes are being “usurped” by the Coloreds and the vaginas is dumb. I’m for sure not about to sit her and pretend that Phase Four didn’t have it’s problems, Eternals is a thing and She-Hulk was clumsy as f*ck until that Daredevil episode, but it satisfactorily accomplished what i thought it was trying to do; establish that new status quo. It’s definitely not for everyone but nothing is. I’m more concerned with the fact that the MCU has settled into a creative rut. So much green screen, So much CG. Quantumania looks like a whole ass video game from the trailer and that sucks. Still, we are early in the big narrative and a lot of the necessary world building has been completed. Phase Four might have been just okay but i think, going forward, the sky’s the limit. Just like before with Phase One.

[smokeybrand]

Closing Notes

With the recent release of Black Panther: Wakanda Forever and The Guardians of the Galaxy Holiday Special, we have come to the premature close of the MCU’s Phase Four. As a Marvel shill, i enjoyed my time in the world Feige is trying to build but the Infinity Saga has left some huge shoes to fill. Normies are real mad about all of the legacy characters being introduced in this first Phase after the end of the first Saga and i get it. As a fan of the comics, i love seeing deep cut characters like White Vision and Agatha Harkness. I lost my sh*t when Wundagore was introduced or when Zemo put on his mask for the first time, even if it was only for a handful of seconds. My fanboy heart definitely enjoyed Phase Four but I'd be lying if i said it was mismanaged. There is a lot to dislike in this thing so i get the vitriol. That said, i wanted to take a look back before we move forward. Quantumania comes out in two moths and we kick off that Kang arc with a proper bang! Also, I'm counting the two Specials as films here. I figure, since they aren’t serial in nature, they should be lumped in with the films instead of the shows.

Black Widow

Listen, Black Widow does a lot of sh*t i like. Finally given Scarlett something to do after a f*cking decade is a big one but this is the flick that blessed us with Florence Pughs’ Yelena Belova and i like what they did with Taskmaster, as controversial a thought that is. David Harbor kills was Red Guardian and anytime Rachel Weisz does anything, I'm game. She’s been a favorite of mine since The Mummy. All of that said, Black Widow is the most pedestrian of Phase Four in almost every way. This thing is a paint-by-numbers capeflick that doesn’t belong as the opening taste of what comes next. Black Widow is firmly planted as the Ghost of MCU Past. Sh*t should have came out at the beginning of Phase Two.

Shang-Chi and the Legend of the Ten Rings

I like Shang-Chi. I don’t think it’s as good as every one says and it definitely drops the ball at the climax by not introducing Fin Fang Foom but, up to that point, i liked what we had. A solid martial arts flick with an MCU skin? F*ck yeah, sign me up! The action in this thing is the best the entire MCU has to offer and, i must say, i absolutely fell in love with Xu Xialing. I can’t wait to see where her character goes. I don’t think the villain, Xu Wenwu, is as compelling as every says but he s undeniably one of the strongest “villains” in the MCU. He’s not Thanos or Killmonger but is easily the second best antagonist in Phase Four.

Marvel’s Eternals

This movie sucked, bro. I had a feeling it would strictly based on the fact no one outside of hardcore comic fans know who the Eternals even are. And those of us who do, don’t care. These f*ckers are throwaway pastiches of Kirby’s New Gods, who he gave life for DC five years earlier, in the very worst way. These motherf*ckers are wildly overpowered and they just get nerfed to oblivion in this film. Like, Ikaris is straight up Superman. F*cking Thanos is an Eternal! Like, that’s the power level we’re talking about and you wouldn’t know it from watching this nonsense. I have just SO many problems with this movie but, at the end of the day, it’s just so poorly written. There’s too many plots, too many characters, and stakes that don’t make any f*cking sense. Eternals is easily the worst of Phase Four. It’s kind of ironic because, for me, the best of the Phase was the next to hit theaters.

Spider-Man: No Way Home

Bro, this movie was everything for me. Multiverse shenanigans. DaFoe being the best goddamn pure villain in the MCU. All of the cinematic Spider-Men to date, teaming up onscreen. So much closure. backdoor origin story for the most comic accurate Spider-Man we’ve seen yet. F*cking Andrew Garfield, man! And, to top it all off, they made me actually LIKE a version of that god forsaken One More Day plot. That, alone, puts it at the top of my list. Every other awesome thing i mentioned, pales in comparison to that single feat. I loved NWH. It was f*cking amazing. Fight me about it.

Doctor Strange and the Multiverse of Madness

MoM is my second favorite film in Phase Four and it’s all because of Wanda “Bloody Barefoot Rampage” Maximoff. Ma’am was a whole ass problem and it was a joy to see. I mean, i enjoyed America Chavez, too, but i was already kind of a fan so Xochitl Gomez’s interpretation was a solid bet in my book. There was other dope sh*t, too, but this movie is carried by Wanda and you’re a whole ass liar if you say other wise.

Thor: Love and Thunder

I don’t really care about this movie either way. It’s kind of forgettable and, coming of Ragnarok, a wild disappointment.. It looked cheap, wasted The Mighty Thor, and just felt meh. I loved the introduction of Singularity, that sneak peak at Eternity, and allowing Jane Foster to get her due (finally) but this entire outing felt inconsequential. Gorr the God Butcher was totally wasted and there was really nothing all that visually stunning to really awe the audience. L and T definitely isn’t the worst Thor flick, that’s still The Dark World, but i can’t really be upset at people who think otherwise. No chances were taken with this thing. It felt safe as f*ck and kind of cowardly in all honesty. I wanted that God Bomb so bad but nope. dead loves and surrogate daughters with the power of the the most powerful Cosmic Abstract. Like, this chick Love is a straight up avatar of Eternity and that makes her the most powerful thing in the MCU proper. I have no idea how you square that with any f*cking threat, ever.

Black Panther: Wakanda Forever

This one hurt to watch. Black Panther means so much to my culture. Chadwick Boseman was the blackest, coolest, motherf*cker to ever don a supersuit and infused a genuine blackness into the character. Everything Wakanda is, was created around Boseman’s T’Challa. His passing derailed this entire world and left Coogler no choice but to scrap everything and he did it by literally washing the Wakanda we knew up to that point, of the f*cking map. Wakanda Forever is an exercise in mourning and dealing with your grief, it just happened to have a really good take on Namor, instigating that painful ass journey to catharsis. There are really great performances in this thing, specifically Letitia Wright and Angela Bassett. Bro, these women were HURT and you FEEL that sh*t. Every monologue Bassett had was a dagger in my goddamn heart. Wright’s damn near palpable hate was perfectly conveyed. Wakanda Forever is my third favorite of the MCU films. It’s a solid f*cking watch, even if there are a few issues with the pacing and writing.

Werewolf by Night

I have to say, i did not expect what i got with Marvel’s first Special. Werewolf is everything i want the MCU to be going forward. It has the quality of an early Phase Three film but the creative spirit of Phase One; Something sorely missing from the rather rather formulaic and very much green screen-y current MCU run. This thing was filmed on a practical set, with practical makeup and practical stunt work. The CG aspects were kept to a minimum though I'm kind of hurt they didn’t go all in and build a proper Man-Thing but, you know, budgets and all. I think, taking the breadth of the current Phase Four run, Werewolf by Night is in my top three. I might even like it more than MoM but that might be a stretch because, goddamn, was Wanda a problem in that film.

Guardians of the Galaxy Holiday Special

I watched this immediately after Werewolf by Night and. let me tell you, the creative whiplash was real. While i enjoyed the GotG special, it is another formula film. Obviously, it’s got all the hallmarks of a James Gunn production and the character work is incredible (I love that Mantis finally got the spotlight) but there is nothing “new” here. It’s earnest and has a lot of heart but that’s what you come to expect from Guardians films. Outside of Cosmo, there really isn’t anything all that great about this special. It’s just a Christmas themed Guardians of the Galaxy movie and that’s fine. It’s fine.

Ultimately, Phase Four feels a little... disjointed. There are some solid entries but,  more often than not, these films feel like filler. They feel like the building blocks to what com es next. They feel like Phase One all over again and i have been steadily championing that notion since Widow released. Phase Four had a lot of groundwork to lay in order to move forward with what will be the MCU’s new trajectory. Iron Man and Captain America are effectively gone so there had to be a change in terms of narrative direction. Phase Four was supposed to do that, mostly with the shows, but there are hints in the films, too. These films and Specials were basically created to shift the status quo and introduced players into the MCU that will have much bigger roles in the future. It’s basically the origin arc for the massive Secret Wars event at the end of Phase six or whatever. A lot of cats hate the fact that so many female heroes are taking center stage or that established characters are getting “race-bent” but, i mean, of course they would. That Infinity Saga is over. Why not take this opportunity to spread a bit more color around the MCU? Honestly, this has been well overdue.

You think Feige introduced Falcon without the intent of giving us Falcon Cap down the line? You think the Atalantean Namor was going to actually work in the MCU? Obviously, Shuri would be the next Black Panther if you’ve read the comics and if Young Avengers is really going to be a thing, Ms. Marvel was definitely going to be on that team. Confusing organic diversity with identity politics because all of your straight white heroes are being “usurped” by the Coloreds and the vaginas is dumb. I’m for sure not about to sit her and pretend that Phase Four didn’t have it’s problems, Eternals is a thing and She-Hulk was clumsy as f*ck until that Daredevil episode, but it satisfactorily accomplished what i thought it was trying to do; establish that new status quo. It’s definitely not for everyone but nothing is. I’m more concerned with the fact that the MCU has settled into a creative rut. So much green screen, So much CG. Quantumania looks like a whole ass video game from the trailer and that sucks. Still, we are early in the big narrative and a lot of the necessary world building has been completed. Phase Four might have been just okay but i think, going forward, the sky’s the limit. Just like before with Phase One.