#aspd vent

[autopsyfreak]

ASPD + Love

{my experience}

disclaimer: this is talking solely from my experiences and is not going to be applicable to absolutely every single person with this disorder. it’s also important to remember that this is a complex disorder and just because you may relate to this post in some way, does not necessarily mean that you have ASPD.

Connections With Others

my ASPD impacts my ability to connect with others A LOT and in many different ways. a few of these ways include:

• my lack of the ability to relate to, sympathise, empathise or generally care about others.

• my bluntness, saying things without caring how it affects others, putting myself and others in dangerous situations.

• having muffled emotions that result in me having to mask by exaggerating my emotions, almost like a performance, this can result in me reacting in a way that is unintentionally socially ‘incorrect’.

• struggles with seeing others as having any sort of emotional value to me.

• a general unwillingness to be around other people.

to name some examples.

How Does This Impact Your Ability To Love?

in many ways i struggle to care for and form bonds with other people, this therefore results in me displaying a significantly less common want, need or overall ability to form any romantic bonds, as such i do also identify as aromantic which i interestingly have found to be fairly common amongst those with ASPD.

i have a hard time caring for people platonically, let alone romantically so it’s quite rare for me to willingly commit to a romantic relationship of any kind.

How Love Feels To Me

i recently saw someone else with ASPD say that love for them is something that they’re capable of but isn’t necessarily something they feel and is more of a cognitive thing for them. that’s pretty much how i would describe my experience with it as well and is the closest wording i’ve discovered to how i actually experience love.

final note: a lot of people with ASPD are capable of love and not everyone with ASPD will experience it in this way. this is just an informative post shedding some insight as to how i personally experience love as somebody with this disorder and how my mental illness has impacted it.

[bpderanged]

It's real funny because whenever things go wrong my brain will automatically think of suicide.

[gxstalt]

every single day humanity proves that i am right in hating everybody

[kmsmorgann]

How people look at pwNPD/pwASPD when they cry/show anger/sadness/fear or any other emotion, even because they are heartless monsters, right?

(This picture of Lisa is so funny, I had to put it as my banner.)

[garbage-tea-party]

Some people (especially empaths) need to understand, I WISH I can care, sometimes it's less stress and worry but IT FEELS SO DEHUMANISING like my own brain is degrading me until I don't consider myself as human anymore.

I would love to feel, to experience affection, joy, kindness, I would love to experience love.

But instead I get boredom that it can physically hurt, anger that just boils and explodes, and fear that I am not safe everywhere I go.

Worst of all, I tried, please believe that. I actually tried to be a person but all efforts will always go to fail because I can not escape myself.

[wishingmilky]

tired of people in need coming up on my feed

i dont fucking care, id kill myself before asking online for help

"oh im in gaza!!" dont care, ur annoying

"oh my kids sick!!" dont care, hope ur kid dies

"oh im trans in america!!" dont care, sucks to suck

"but milky thats toxic!!" okay??? i dont care?? kill yourself???

[l0nely-writer]

i absolutely cannot stand the lack of data, studies, and overall academic knowledge or understanding regarding aspd. its by far one of the most "umbrella term"-esque diagnoses in the DSM and its pretty damn clear that 99% of pop and past psychology has no intention of further educating on it. not only is there little scholarly drive to explore the disorder, it's outright just demonized and discredited. and i cant help but feel and know deep down that the next four years won't bring much more knowledge regarding the topic. instead we will see a drastic increase in the throwing around and slap labeling of prominent political figures, fascists, and neonazis with disorders like aspd or npd and terms like psycho/sociopath/narc.

[egosuicide666]

i wish i could be more open about my sadistic traits. i feel so different from other people. i’m not sure if i want to be like everyone else . i like being different but it gets lonely. no matter what i feel incredibly lonely. like i’m an alien in this society. i feel so exhausted talking lately. what’s the point in talking if i’m not entertained? i rlly only talk on here and to my best friend. but that’s really it. i’ve gave up talking. it’s boring. small talk is boring.

[crystalisedpoison]

people will say things like ‘this is an aspd safe space’ but then rage when someone dares to admit they feel indifferent about others and do not care to acknowledge any sympathy seeking posts on this app

[autopsyfreak]

ASPD has me feeling as if i’m permanently putting on a performance to seem somewhat ‘normal’ and in a lot of ways that’s true.

[bpderanged]

I don’t donate to anything because, honestly, I don’t care enough to pretend the world deserves saving. If anything it only deserves killing. There’s no “greater good”, just people pretending there is to feel better about themselves.

So no, I’m not gonna lose sleep over dying kids, melting ice caps, or endangered animals. As long as it’s not my apartment on fire, it’s not my problem.

Stay safe though, I guess.

[z0mb13d0llsstuff]

In short: People with ASPD aren’t “bad”

Okay so this is just a rant but I hate when people assume just because someone has aspd means that they are evil or are only out to hurt others. I have aspd and I am not going to sugar coat it, I do not care about others or even myself. The ONLY exception to this is my husband and I genuinely do everything I can to treat him well. But everything else is expendable. But just because I don’t care about or hold value to these things does not mean I am actively seeking out people to hurt. I go to therapy, and have found effective ways to live a life I will be happy with. Me and my therapist have quite literally set my end goal as “learn to have fun in life with as little consequence as possible”. I sometimes even reference the “golden rule” ngl 💀. I’m just trying to have fun and not have to deal with consequences. Does that mean that everything im currently doing is “right”? Not at all, I am actively making decisions that will earn me great consequences. But, because I want it bad enough, I am willing to risk the consequences. But as long as I’m not hurting anything, why does it matter? I make friends with people I am fond of and I don’t really interact with people I don’t like unless the situation calls for it.

My point is, people with aspd can be just as kind or cruel as anyone else. We are all still biologically human 🫡. -Noelle

[amoristarchive]

Being mad at ableism is where I go to when I’m thinking about how people treat AsPD, but I can’t ever bring myself to feel angry when engaging or encountering something stigmatizing. I’m just tired, and sad.

When I look up AsPD on YouTube and can’t find anything positive, I get off YouTube, feel that sadness, and move on.

When I look up “AsPD coping skills” on FireFox, and everything is about “avoiding AsPD traits,” I know I am unwelcome.

When I look up AsPD on Instagram and I get ONLY people educating, I feel isolated.

When I look up AsPD on tumblr and I see a word I will never identify with, and a word I have never felt comfortable with, I get upset that I couldn’t even possibly avoid it.

It feels like I can never be seen. The world seems me as scary, and the internet isn’t much better. I can’t regulate what is perceived about me the second I tell people about the four letters that changed my life.

I do not identify as struggling due to my AsPD, I struggle because the world seems to think the only way to be “good” is to be empathetic. And I’ve fought my whole life to be “good” without once being empathetic.

Friendships and relationships are harder for me, but if people didn’t try to paint someone like me so scary just because they don’t understand, maybe that wouldn’t be true.

AsPD isn’t what is holding me back, it is the world’s response to it.

[v-aspd]

I was diagnosed with ASPD several months ago. I always knew something was different with me. Even so, I’ve always been high functioning because I make the choice and effort to be a “good person.” Why? Because I want to be able to live a normal life in a society that has no room for my true nature… so I blend in so I can do what I want without trouble. However, sometimes it can be very difficult for me to keep it together. I get bored easily and I crave mental stimulation. Unfortunately, things like self destruction and toying with other people’s emotions tend to bring me the most satisfaction. Since I’ve worked so hard to create the persona everyone knows, if I fall “off the hinges” and start self destructing and doing what I truly want to… I could ruin everything. Such a dilema to be in right now.

[reneeistrans]

I find it weird that people can be genuinely disgusted by gore. Like, ok? a dude got his face ripped off by a bear. So what? it's not happening to you so why do you feel bad for them? That might just be the ASPD talking tho.

[wishingmilky]

seeing grown ass adults post on this app abt how they wanna kill people with the fonts and the colours n shit is so funny

holy shit get a job what a loser

i understand i dont rlly have the "oooo im gonna kill you" aspd, but i feel like a lot of people w aspd also struggle with intrusive thoughts - like get that checked out??

i totes get the urge to choke someone out or stab them, but making edgy posts online does nawt help bro

go find the mf who diagnosed ur ass and deal with that cause some people r like twenty seven and going "i just want to kill people" like good lord stfu