#i have this pd which means i am just like that and i won't be held accountable or try to grow because i was told its pathologic

[boneopera]

.

[eventuallyaugust]

19. txt's first 2022 vlive (written)

note: lesserafim will ot6 here & random kpop dance challenge by txt

"so how were the songs? do you like it?"

"may i see the credits on each songs, like the composers or something like that, pd-nim?" asked the idol while having her eyes trained on the laptop screen and the producer gives a piece of paper.

yunjin feels herself sweating as she watches the big hit idol scan the piece of paper with a blank look. a pleased expression washes over hyunseol's face before she gives the paper back to si-hyuk.

"now that introduction and songs overview are over, we can start."

"wait, seol." the idol looks up from the device, meeting the producer's eyes. "among the songs you've heard, what is your favorite? and what song do you think will have a huge appeal to the public?"

the txt member furrows her eyebrows together, the laptop laying idle on her lap. "why should my response matter in this?"

"just answer the questions."

the idol shrugs and brings her focus back on her laptop. "my favorite in the album is blue flame. i like everything of that song, especially the lyrics and-"

as soon as those words left the idol's mouth, yunjin feels herself falling in her own thoughts and slowly starts smiling at herself. chaewon, on yunjin's right looks at the 5'7 foot idol through her peripheral vision and holds herself from smirking at the spaced out expression over the tall member.

"do you have more questions, pd-nim?"

"no, no. you can continue." the idol nods and stops typing, looking at the six soon-to-be idols.

"hello, again. i have a question, a very weird one. i'm sure you all know that mrs. kwon tends to be so cryptic whenever you have a recording session, right?" the girls nod, curious on what the question is. "at your last session with mrs. kwon, did she say anything? like random words that starts with stage? like for example, stage 1?"

"well...", yunjin starts off and slightly winces when the txt member look over at her direction, listening intently. "i remembered her saying stage 36 after mrs. kwon made us do vocal practices in our album."

the six girls see how the idol's eyes light up at the response with a smile decorating the latter's lips. "another question. which do you girls do more nowadays: dance practice or vocal practice?"

"dance practice."

"hm, i can see why", the idol mutters with a nod.

"you can see why what?", si-hyuk asks beside hyunseol and the txt member throws him a look. "why did you ask those question? what does stage 36 mean?"

"uhm... i don't know if i am allowed to share this or not because mrs. kwon likes to keep her mysterious act up." the idol scratches the area behind her ear, looking around the room before sighing. "but... i suppose i could break one rule.

"stage 36 means one practice before recording, perfect, or ready to record in a six-membered group, pd-nim. i suppose the management made these girls do dance practice more because their vocals are already perfect in mrs. kwon's vocabulary." the idol keeps her hold on the laptop tight as she adjusts herself on the couch.

"how do you even find out about stage 36 from mrs. kwon?"

"i asked her about that one time, but she didn't tell me the meaning of it. she just told me that i can guess it, and i did after a few sleepless nights." the idol shrugs. "but anyways, enough of that. we're doing vocal practice today. i need to see if there's still an issue to be addressed."

----

"hang out? they wanted us to hang out?! why?!"

"the ceo reckoned that you two hanging out will make you guys closer." the former sighs in exasperation with a shake of her head. "i did everything i could do to avoid that like i told him you were visiting your parents, but he couldn't be convinced. no matter how i tried."

"thank you for trying, unnie but you know it'll take everything to convince him." the former runs a hand through her hair. "when is this supposed hang-out?"

"later this evening."

"fuck, i'm dead!"

"mind your language!"

"that won't matter if i mess up tonight, unnie!"

----

"and that's for this morning. good job, girls!" the big hit idol claps with a grin as the six soon-to-be idols clap along with her. "good luck on your debut, i'm sure all of you will do great. let's continue this practice later. enjoy your lunch."

the six girls nod with a smile, relieved to work with the idol and not some cranky staff.

"i don't think you'll be here after lunch, hyunseol." yongsun comments and the idol turns her head towards the former.

"wait, why? i have nothing to do later."

"solo schedule." hyunseol furrows her eyebrows together until she realizes what her manager meant as her eyes widen.

"WHAT?!" the six girls watch as the idol takes a deep breath and sigh. "this solo schedule will start after txt's vlive, right?"

"yes, although the others insisted that you should ditch from attending it. but i told them you either join the vlive with your members and go to the hang-out or not go to the hang-out at all." yongsun shares as she leans against the couch. "they either grant that request or not; it'll be their loss, not ours."

"well, thank you for insisting that i'll join my members later." hyunseol closes the laptop and shoves the device back in its bag with a sigh. "i thought i still have free time later, but i guess i have none now."

"sorry, seol."

"it's okay, unnie. it's not your fault." the idol then looks at the girls and bow with a smile. "looks like we won't see each other later. a shame, really, but you girls can use this practice room if you girls have still some dance practice to do."

"we will and thank you, seol unnie." chaewon bows, her leader side showing. hyunseol smiles. i'm sure you'll do great as a leader, chaewon-ah.

"thank you, sunbaenim!" the six girls bow in unison.

"and thank you too. good luck on your journey." with moonbyul leading, the girls and their manager leave the room. hyunseol is once left in the room, the sound of the air coming from the a/c being the only noise filling the small area.

she then grabs the food yongsun grabbed for her which consisted of eight pieces of gimbap, a bowl of tteokbokki, and two medium-sized bottled colas. she grabs the table in the corner and settles it in front of the couch she was sitting on.

she starts eating while scrolling through her socials before she had an idea on starting a vlive while eating. once she sent the txt group chat a message, she opens her second phone and starts the live.

"hello, moas~" hyunseol waves as she looks at the phone camera with a grin. i knew using two phones is a good thing. "how are you all?"

txtified helloo, seol <33

iheartseol hellooo, my loveee !!

beombeom hellooo, did u have ur lunch yet, seol?

mysoob hellooo, baby!! 🫶🫶

"helloo, my loves. i'm eating lunch right now." hyunseol answers in english before she holds up the container filled with tteokbokki and sets it down. "how about you? have you your lunch yet? you guys better not be starving yourselves, that isn't good."

seolites when she's so caring 😍😍😍

withtxt she's so gf coded

trustingtxt i'm eating my lunch now, dw wifeyy !

hyunseol looks up when she heard the practice room door opens and smiles when she saw her members and her manager.

"moas!!" hyunseol scoots a little on her right before the maknae plops down beside the oldest, looking at the screen with a lopsided grin. "hellooo, how are youu??"

hyukaa the loml is here 😍🫶

thinkliketxt my baby !! (i'm younger than him)

the maknae then looks at the remaining six pieces of gimbap in the plastic container and the oldest catches his gaze. she then grabs the container and offers him one. "you can take a piece, hyuka. here, let me feed you."

"twank ywu, nwona." huening kai mumbles with a gimbap in his mouth.

she then looks at her other members, holding the plastic container. "do you guys want some? i can also feed you guys if you want."

each member now has a gimbap in their mouth and are happily munching on the food, like a group of kids eating despite their height contradicting with the moment while looking at the camera.

tyunning this is the real txt (not fake)

jjunniee i need me some seol bcs i'm hungryy af :(( (probably because her being a sister would be a dream come true)

oldersisterseol reason no. 143 why i love seol:

txthistxthat when people asks why txt is my ult group, i'll js show them this

with the group eating, yeonjun grabs his phone and the bluetooth speaker hyunseol always brings along in her bag before connecting the device to the speaker. music soon fills the room as the maknae shoves the remaining one piece of gimbap, the members happily watching huening kai chew the food.

txtified clip of txt admiring their maknae part unknown

iheartseol when they're admiring their maknae>>>

towerzontop nah coz i can see why huening kai keeps telling us his members spoil him

"we're getting bored. what should we do for today, moas?~", yeonjun asks as he looks at the screen, reading some comments.

"i have a challenge." the six members turn towards their manager. "random kpop dance challenge, but instead of chorus, it's full audio. i don't know how that'll work, though."

"hm, we could do your challenge, unnie", hyunseol says as her eyes lighten, a smile adorning her face. "we could use some challenge, but i feel like there'll rules here."

"oh, there are. when a song pops up, one or all of you should dance to it. if you all manage to dance to every song that i played, i'll treat you guys a week of samgyeopsal."

the fans see how the members' eyes widen and brighten, smirks adorning their faces. hyunseol accepts with her smirk widening, "you're so on, unnie."

"we could use your playlist for the music, noona." the members nod at yeonjun's suggestion and the oldest immediately pulls her phone out.

twinzunite ayo, random kpop dance full audio challenge? manager yongsun is a genius 👀

oldersisterseol please dance to boy with luv 💜💜

beombeom tempo by exo pleasee

mysoob i've never seen hyunseol get so competitive until it involves food

suddenly the practice room door opens and txt looks over at that direction, seeing le sserafim walk inside.

jjunniee ayo, who are they lookin at

txtified who are they 👀

withtxt who aree my baes lookinnn attt

the six girls realized what the big hit group was doing, but before they could apologize, hyunseol's voice immediately fills in the room as she throws her manager a look, standing up from her seat. out of the camera's view.

"staff unniee!! you've got my drinks!" hyunseol and yongsun approach the six girls before the idol lowers her voice into a whisper, looking at each le sserafim member. "don't apologize, you didn't know and that's okay. just don't speak. my members and i will try to distract moas from what happened, okay?"

chaewon nods and whispers, "thank you, unnie."

"you're a life saver, seol-ah."

the 5'11 foot idol playfully winks at sakura, whispering. "that's me, superhero seol and you're welcome, chaewon-ah. now, go take your seats and enjoy our mini concert, i guess."

hyunseol grabs a new plastic bag from her manager and comes into view with a smile, holding up the plastic. she then distributes the sodas to her members and shakes her head to the camera. "see, moas? it's staff unnie. she owed me a favor earlier, so i asked her to bring me sodas for my members so that she won't feel obligated to think of doing me a favor. you're always jumping into conclusions, i'm disappointed."

yeonjun then speaks up, smirking. "yeah, don't jump into conclusions like that. you're forgetting that seol noona is yours, moas."

the oldest chuckles and nods. "yeah, you guys should know i like you. i'm your one and only bae. i'm only yours, baby." the oldest says the last line in english with her deep voice. suddenly a huge influx of comments come in and txt chuckles, knowing they successfully diverted their fans' attention.

little did txt knows moas aren't the only one who loved seol's deep voice when speaking english.

iheartseol when she feeds your delulu side>>>

seolites pov: gf!seol reassuring you that she only loves you

withseol is this what it feels like to be in the deeper pits of being a delulu?

seolmates4ever "i'm only yours, baby" ackkk usbfifnsbfubsf you'll be the death of me, seol 😭

"yes, yes. i'm your golden retriever girlfriend. now don't be jealous, okay? there's no need to be, mi amor. jealous doesn't look good on you, princess."

towerzontop mi amor?? mi?? amor?? princess?? am i dreaming?? 🥴🥴

nationsbffs seol's pcs will be sleeping peacefully on the bed tonight

txtsirenz she used the pet names‼️ i repeat, she used the pet names ‼️

"okay, now that is over, let's start manager noona's challenge." the leader then looks at yongsun who later set the camera farther away from the six girls and soon the txt members are now standing idly, waiting for the music to start.

soon, the intro of bts' boy with luv as the big hit idols look at one another, talking with their eyes before moving to their desired positions.

trustingtxt txt really knows so much about each other that they immediately understand each other w/ one look

beombeom i know they're gonna eat this cover up by how they look at one another

tyunning boy with luv? more like txt with luv

cover position: jimin - taehyun, taehyung - beomgyu, jin - soobin, jungkook - huening kai, suga - yeonjun, j-hope - seol, and namjoon - seol & yeonjun

twinzunite seol and yeonjun slaying namjoon's part

txthistxthat watching them cover the song without any hesitation what member they should cover feels like this isn't the first time dancing to bwl

seolites seol being j-hope and huening kai being jungkook js feel right

once the music ends, another music immediately follows and hyunseol's head shoots up at the intro, a small smile appearing her lips with her eyes lighting up. the music is fever by enhypen, her friend heeseung's group.

"ahhh, i only know the chorus!" yeonjun and huening kai whine.

"i only know some parts!", soobin, taehyun, and beomgyu follow.

"remember my rules! either one or all of you should dance!"

the txt oldest then steps up as she starts dancing, even she is still catching her breath. once she regained her breath, she smirks as she continues dancing, making sure to keep eye contact with the camera.

iheartseol the heavens finally answered my prayers yesss ✊��

withseol that smirk + covering fever will be the death of me

towerzontop seol wants me fr fr no cap

txtsirenz manager yongsun giving us enhatxt crumbs, she fr knows her people

when the chorus comes on. all of txt members join their oldest as another huge rush of comments fill in and yongsun's laugh can be heard in the background as she reads some comments with a shake of her head.

hyukaa that isn't txt, that's tomorrow x together

thinkliketxt azrael, steve, daniel, ben, terry, and kai decided to come out

jjunniee azrael coming back alive bcs of en- is js smth else

tyunning azrael doing the fever choreo some justice

once the song ends, seol takes a long deep breath as she wipes the sweat trailing down her face, her chest rising and falling. she then turns to her manager. "how many songs until we won that week worth of samgyup, unnie?"

"five more."

"five more!?" the txt members exclaim as they look at their manager incredulously.

"seven songs, seven days in a week. i think that's fair, considering i will spend my money in this deal."

txtified i was going to disagree, but manager yongsun is onto smth

oldersisterseol manager yongsun is secretly a moa part 190304

mysoob manager yongsun giving us txt dance covers we're praying for our whole life

nationsbffs reasons why manager yongsun is the best manager to exist in the whole world

"fine! it's okay, guys. i'm sure the songs won't be hard." hyunseol gathers her members. "if they are though, i can just step in to dance the whole thing and if you guys know the chorus, you can join so that i can rest a little bit, okay?" the members then nod. hyunseol gently pats her members' shoulders as she throws her manager a pointed look. "we will get that week worth of samgyeopsal, no matter what happens."

with a smirk, yongsun could only say, "we'll see" before another song starts to play. the txt oldest looks at the former with a shake of her head. "you're doing moas favor, unnie. aren't you?"

"they're your partners, right? why don't you guys give in to their requests?"

"fine. moas are lucky i love them." hyunseol breathes out and licks her lips before she starts dancing to exo's the eve.

oldersisterseol ayo, the eve? seol dancing to the eve?? we're being fed good today and i can't even complain

withtxt to manager yongsun, i hope both side of your pillows are cold. i hope your charger never gets pulled out. i hope you don't stub your toes at the side of the couch. i hope you don't step on legos while barefoot. i hope you always take a warm shower. i hope your headphones work at every angle

withseol i have a feeling that manager yongsun will trend later

chaewon decides to look away from the 5'11 foot idol and throws yunjin a look to see the latter in a daze with the latter's eyes focused on hyunseol. she then looks back at the idol and smirks, keeping in mind to ask yunjin about this later.

----

"good job, you won the deal!"

"woohoo~" hyunseol weakly cheers and raises her arms, laying down on the floor as her members loudly cheers, clapping and jumping around.

"thank you, seol noona!"

oldersisterseol seol giving a reason why my name exists

txtified i need me some seol who will do anything to win a deal for someone else

iheartseol imagine seol casually dancing to seven songs to make sure txt will eat good for the whole week, couldn't be me

"you're welcome~" the oldest weakly smiles and huening kai immediately darts out of the room, leaving the rest of txt members confused.

the rest of towerz line, yeonjun and beomgyu help the oldest to the couch. suddenly, the practice room door opens and everyone in the room, including the six girls and the two managers get startled before looking at the door to see huening kai holding a plastic bag filled with water bottles. "here, hyungs and noona."

thank you, seol mouths as she watches huening kai uncapped her water bottle before she drinks, her throat feeling contented with the water.

hyukaa when the maknae takes care of their members

trustingtxt no wonder txt loves their maknae

beombeom txt is that group that can rely on each other and that's why i will always stand by them

soobin then grabs the camera. "that will be for today's vlive, everyone! i hope you enjoy that as much as we did. bye-bye!"

"bye, moas!" the txt members wave when the leader pans the camera their way. seol smiles as she weakly signs, bye, i love you, moas.

iheartseol what did my wifeyyy said???!!! what did she saiddd??

withtxt byee my tubatu 🫶🫶

thinkliketxt you can now take a rest, seol. u did a great job today ! 🫶

"okay, i ended it. thank god that's over."

"you're really evil, noona." taehyun breaks the silence as he looks at his manager. "making us dance to seven full audio songs. good thing seol noona knew the choreo of those songs."

"hey, at least you guys will be eating good for the whole week and i'll be spending my salary on you guys." the manager shrugs. "right, seol?"

when the manager received no response, the txt members and yongsun turn their heads to look at the txt's only female member. on the couch lays hyunseol softly and peacefully snoring with the capped water bottle on her lap.

"aww..." the manager then approaches the idol and grabs a tissue from her bag before wiping the sweat on hyunseol's face. she then looks at txt's leader. "soobin, throw that blanket."

once she caught the blanket in her arms, yongsun carefully drapes the soft fabric over hyunseol's gigantic form and smiles to herself, seeing the oldest in a peaceful state.

"noona, seol noona has a schedule, right?" beomgyu whispers, careful not to raise his voice.

"yeah, but she needs rest. they need seol, not the other way around. they need to wait for her, or else she'll arrive there grumpy."

"besides, noona deserves this rest. she just got us a week worth of samgyeopsal. cut her some slack, beom." yeonjun gently pats his fellow towerz member on the back.

"sleep well, noona."

they're so cute and caring to seol, yunjin thinks to herself as she watches txt look at their oldest. she then finds herself at staring at the 5'11 foot idol. chaewon and sakura catch the tall member in the act before catching each other's eyes with mischievous glint in them.

----

summary: txt's oldest member, oh hyunseol just want a peaceful life after pandemic with her members, but it seems like fate wants to shake things up.

----

taglist (open!!): @curly-fr13s , @neuftaeng , @myothegreat , @yoontoonwhs , @nasyu-kookies , @awkwardtoafault ,

masterlist | previous | next

[diminuel]

My voices in my head are seeking answers and they won't stop until getting them.

Tell me more about that AU were the Winchesters and Castiel are in the One Piece World.

PD: because of you I did my 100° rewatch of Supernatural. Man, I did really miss that show.

It's a good show!!

I haven't really thought about it much yet! Generally, I would set it very early on in S13. I am currently toying with setting it post 13x06 Tombstone, but with the change that Jack doesn't run off. The fact that Castiel fixed the situation for him (the guard survived) is both beneficial but also an issue going forward. Because if Jack uses his powers and it backfires, Cas will be there to fix it, right? It leads to a dangerous mix of "there's a part of me that is evil and monstruous, but what makes me evil and monstruous also makes me useful for Dean and Sam" and "if the world blows up, Cas will fix it :3".

So when he opens a portal into another world, one of Team Free Will's main concerns is that the kid will a) blow up that world if he's not under parental supervision or b) topple the interdimensional card house that Billie warned Dean about.

They're not sure how it works with world within worlds, because for them, this is world that exists as fiction within their own dimension. (Much like the Scoobynatural episode, but they haven't experienced that yet at that point) Castiel probably has some complex mathematical equations to philosophize about whether this is real or a pocket dimension created by Jack. But whatever metaphysical reality applies they can still get hurt and they don't want to change the world in a way that means Dean is going to see his face appear in the actual real world manga, Carver Edlund's Supernatural books are bad enough.

I don't know for sure where the portal would drop them apart from straight into the ocean. Would they start where Luffy started, in the East Blue? Or would they land on the Grand Line? When would this be set in the OP storyline? Are they already in the New World? I imagine that Jack quickly gets involved with Luffy's crew because he knows the story, he knows where to have adventure. And I think that's what he cares about at this point? Parents at work, kid is bored, might as well have an adventure (and he completely loses track of time and the portal back home.)

In any case, TFW's goal is to find Jack before something bad happens. And since this is Destiel, Dean and Cas probably also have to figure out their romance while they're sailing X'D

(I assume that Baby shows up in the world too, like in Scoobynatural, just as a ship, which Dean has a fit over. But since this is a goofy world, he can just navigate as if it was a car and it miraculously works. It has no weapons, but it has Cas as defense and compass, which is why they can also cross the Calm Belt. They also have radio and whatever the Teleschnecke / Den Den Mushi is called in English reception at all times due to Sam's wifi powers)

I don't think they'll pose as pirates. I'm not sure what cover Dean comes up with (since he's the one who is familiar with the manga/ anime). He could say that they usually hunt monsters or that they're researchers, "not from around here" and that they are looking for their kid that ran away. Everyone can tell that there's something bizarre/ not quite right about them. Maybe they assume they are from an island in the New World or maybe even from the Red Line.

At first they will have absolutely no idea where Jack is and angel radio doesn't work here (but the air is full of voices, Cas barely can hear anything because the world is constantly screaming at him when he tries to communicate with Jack).

I think it would be fun if the first clue they get is because a wanted poster is issued for Jack because he destroyed a whole fleet of ships just like that (and this is where TFW starts to worry, because sure, this happens in the manga too without much fanfare, but those are hundreds of people that technically die). But since he has such fire power, different fractions are becoming interested, especially if he hangs out with the Straw Hats. Does that mean he's a pirate? A threat to the World Government? Or could he be used?

Also, I think it would be even more fun if Dean's got a lot of half knowledge about the world because he hasn't really been keeping up and he doesn't know what's speculation he read on reddit (or wherever) or what's confirmed truth, but he is confidently wrong (or shockingly correct) about things. He does know about Crocodad and just assumes it's real. Is it? Will it be because Dean believes it? Who knows! *lol*

While Jack will be having an adventure with the main characters, I wonder who Team Free Will will end up with working together. Revolutionary Army?

Does this AU have an actual plot? Not really. I don't know how to do a "case fic" format in the One Piece world X'D Like, I have read One Piece but I don't know how to sneak in a canon compliant contained adventure. Pick an island with an issue, fix the issue, sprinkle in some character development or lore that ties in to the bigger narrative, sail on? I guess. *lol*

P.S. I think Cas has a female vessel, but due to the nature of the world the laws of physics don't apply to his boobs so not wearing a bra and having his shirt all open is no problem at all. X'D (It is a problem for Dean though, who has thoughts and feelings about their recently resurrected buddy looking like that.)

[theokusgallery]

Is Nick narcissistic..? (Pretty sure he is???.. but I just wanted to make sure of it since I didn't fully explore this blog)

He has NPD yeah it's on his ref sheet

I'm not a medical professional by any means, I'm going off of research and personal experience — saying he has NPD just means I'm giving him a buncha symptoms, because with personality disorders that's how the diagnostic process goes yk, but tbh both him and Sunny have a lot of cluster b traits, I wouldn't even say he only exclusively has NPD and nothing else (or that Sunny doesn't have it either). The obsession he has with Sunny (and that Sunny also has with him) is something that most bpd havers I've talked to relate to lol.

Again when it comes to personality disorders (and especially cluster Bs), the disorders are just... patterns of behaviors that have been sorted out into categories. Also I'm frankly not a fan of the field of psychiatry and the state of it as it stands so I'm too opinionated to be objective about it —

— I can rant all I want about how calling abuse from a narcissistic person "narcissistic abuse" is stigmatizing and unhelpful but at the end of the day the people who made up the diagnosis called it "egotistical abusive fuck disorder" (same for historionic, antisocial & borderline btw, like how's no one talking about the fact that hpd and bpd are literally female hysteria but rebranded). And the process of making up the diagnostic criteria for aspd was just... surveying violent criminals. They put a fucking time limit on that shit as well, like, one of the diagnostic criteria is having a criminal record & exhibiting symptoms before the age of 15 (but they still won't diagnose you before you're an adult because God forbid you're self aware and try to seek help about it). And with psychopathy in cognitive science, which they'll swear up and down is unrelated to ASPD, it's literally the same thing except they try and tell you that "actually some people are just born with the Bad Person Gene" because they love to pretend they can identify who "bad people" are and how to 'sort them out'

Like. Cluster B personality disorders diagnosis are just collections of symptoms that are usually harmful trauma responses that a bunch of old bigots slapped a "obnoxious abusive bitch" label on. I hate the label of "narcissistic abuse" and the habit of diagnosing anyone you don't like with a personality disorder, even if they have exactly 0 of the symptoms, and I think it helps no one even if it's accurate — but I'm honestly not a fan of the label "narcissist" either, so.

When you're diagnosed with a (1) cluster b pd usually you have symptoms of several others. And there's symptoms that can arbitrarily be put into either category (spoiler alert: usually they'll decide that based on your gender lol). I am very critical of the DSM because between the guy who made up the "trans woman paraphilic disorder" being chair of the fucking thing, the history of stigmatisation & basing what's a mental illness off of what's 'socially acceptable', the trillion of unhelpful diagnosis that no one's ever heard of vs. DP/DR not being recognised as a disorder unrelated to other forms of dissociative disorders, etc etc... I just don't think that letting a bunch of old white neurotypical bigoted cishet men "categorize" the human psyche to decide on what's today's new target for Bad Person Syndrome is a good idea.

[stuffie-medical-vents]

Hi, very nervous system here.

Listen our father is 100% a narcissist. He was our main abuser. (NOT SAYING NARC ABUSE IS REAL BECAUSE IT ISNT)

We have tried SO HARD to explain to him why the shit he did is abusive and not acceptable. We tried fighting back, talking with him, writing to him so he can't cut us off and yell, sending him screenshots of mental illness symptoms of ours and how they're disabling.. like we've tried everything. We don't have NPD but we have ODD so I get hating criticism or being told something if it isn't done right but we've tried being gentle, writing professionally worded letters... and he still thinks he's in the right and we're just an ungrateful confused little shit who doesn't deserve anything nice. I mean he's a shitty person anyway but I want him to understand us.

We want to try and explain why he's in the wrong.

Coming to you because I'm hoping you might have some answers as to how I might be able to get him to sit down and listen to me when I speak! When any of us speak!

I'm sorry if I didn't word anything write and any of it sounds shitty I don't mean it to! Fully support cluster PDs! I just think it's his NPD that's causing him to ignore our voice because he's stated he feels bad for some of the things he's done, which means he understands! He just won't listen to what we have to say and why what he did is entirely wrong and not justified and how if effected us.

I hope this makes sense.

Our mother was also very neglectful and she's definitely a narcissist too but she's done way more listening and learning than he has. She's gotten much better and even apologized. I want to help our father too and maybe even mend our relationship since he's apparently upset that we never speak to him and didn't wish him a happy father's day and he can't seem to figure out why. If we can get him to finally stop cutting us off and speaking over us I think we can make him understand! I just don't know how to do that.

Hello. This isn't the usual thing I do. If you want more further things, please go to @fluffy-clusterb-paradise. But I will answer. Anyone who sees this, please see the tags before clicking.

As someone with NPD, I will answer to the best I can. First off, I appreciate you being as respectful as you can. But remember, don't throw that word around if you don't know. But if your father has been diagnosed with it, then it's fine. And it's good he shows some remorse. I'm gonna try my best to explain and give some of my points of view.

People with NPD gain that due to childhood trauma. So he most likely went through something and never properly had a father, which caused him not to know how to be a proper father. Which is understandable.

Here's where my advice comes in. I think he should go to therapy. And maybe you could convince him too. But other than that, here's what I got to say. Have you ever heard of the talking stick or feather? Maybe try that exercise. Get a random object, and the person holding that object can only talk. You start first, then give him the object so he can talk. And the cycle repeats? Will this work? Maybe and it may not. But if it doesn't. Walk away. Make it obvious that you won't listen if he won't. But don't speak, that might make it worse. Just walk away.

Disclaimer: I can't say what it will work. And I am not always in the best headspace. So, my writing may act dramatic or irrational. But please also keep in mind that I've been abused badly most of my life. So I'm used to taking high measures and cutting people off.

What can I say, though?: I recommend asking him if he learned how to be a father. Asking him what he thinks about you. How he feels about his actions. If he knows how to help. Feel free to use any of these or add on. These are only suggestions.

[thornfield13713]

So, I came back to pick up everything I couldn't carry the first time. And I found a new tape.

And because those don't get captions, I'll just put it here.

Detective Valentine. Nick. Listen... I'm sorry. You've got every right to be upset, but you need to believe me when I tell you I had no idea. Operation Winter's End was my baby. I believed in it. I still believe in it. They kept us all in the dark, me included. I got briefed this afternoon, and they laid it all out. The whole thing. Winter's deal with the DA. His agreement to bring down the other families. His idea to record the holotapes and incriminate all known associates. And them needing a legitimate op, and a real task force, to make it all look like Winter was the focus. It was the plan all along, Nick. There's nothing we can do. Winter was a stoolie for the feds. He reported directly to the BADTFL. All on the books. For his cooperation, Winter will be granted total immunity. It's over. Effective immediately, Operation Winter's End is to cease all investigations and operations. The task force is hereby disbanded. We played our part, pal. Not the part we thought, but hey. It happens. Now we're just another box in the file room. Nick, listen to me. Everything that's happened. With Winter. With...Jenny. It's more than any one man should have to handle. You need help. Boston PD has been working with the eggheads at C.I.T. Some new program they have to deal with trauma. Scanning brainwaves or some such. I'll get you the info. You're going. That's an order.

I just-

Winter knew he was getting away clean. He knew that, no matter what Nick did, he'd walk. He didn't- he didn't need to kill Jenny anyway, and frankly it's a bloody stupid thing to do because it just makes this whole thing more personal. But- He didn't even need to do it to scare Nick off. He was going to walk either way. He killed Jenny Lands just because he could. And nobody did a fucking thing about it.

...so, I am entirely sold on killing this guy as slowly as Nick wants. Which- probably won't be very slowly, Nick being Nick, but if he wanted to take his time about it, I'd be up for that.

I do wonder what happened to the original Nick Valentine. Did he stay in Boston after this? According to the 'Welcome Home' tape, our only other real bit of backstory, he was in Chicago before this. Presumably still getting into mob-related trouble, since it appears to have been the main reason he was brought in on this - if some Americans could please weigh in on Nick's accent and whether he's more likely to be originally from Boston or Chicago or somewhere else entirely, that'd be great - but apparently it didn't end as badly then. I wonder if Jenny moved with him, or if he met her in Boston. I wonder what he did after going to the CIT.

...honestly, it might be fun if he went back to Chicago and in some future game we get to meet a ghoulified version of him still running around. It'd be a fun way to bring back a version of the character without ruling out anything in Fallout 4 explicitly, and also a nice way to underline synth Nick being a different guy with a life entirely independent of his source material, since they'll have lived very different lives in the years since that fateful brain-scan at the CIT.

I do also slightly regret we don't get any Nick dialogue about the tapes. I mean, I know I'm still expecting a lot due to experience with other games with different priorities, but- still. Oh, well. That's what fic is for.

[adustoflove]

It's possible we do or did at one point iv been all over the east coast

I don't mind seeing you on your bad days , that dosnt take away from you , it comes with mental illness , I have bad days with my PD too or days where I'm socially drained and can't do anything even things I wanna do , it's normal

I will stay here regardless , I don't expect you to be happy or well all the time and that's okay too

As for my favorite characters in things I can make a list and you can ask me why for characters and I can explain, that makes it easier cause I don't think you want me to type you a book on why I'm so passionate about these people and why I enjoy them so much

Geralt of Rivia from the Witcher ( all of them not the show )

Kratos from the later God of War games

I like street level super heros I'm not to fond of super bubbly funny goofy things I like seriously tones stuff so like

Spiderman

The punisher

Batman

I also enjoy

Leon s Kennedy

Piers nirvans

Ethan winters

All from resident evil

I like James and Heather from silent hill 2 and 3

I like snake from the metal gear games ( any version of him )

Arytom from the metro books and games

Alan wake from Alan wake lol

Barry from the TV show Barry

That's all I can think about for now , I'm a nerd and a loser ikik

I enjoy world's and whole shows sometimes more than the people in them or sometimes just the way the character is made is what I like and nothing else , in the case of those in the list I am deeply passionate about and there are more but I can't think.of them all

I was gonna say I know none of the characters you've mentioned...but like. I know them— just probably not as well as you do....I do like wolverine and Deadpool though if that's anything (knows nothing) I watched the wolverine movies though and fought with my sibling over who could play him in video games (I always ended up as storm or ice man) ......does this even count as the same realm of what you're talking about? Spider man is marvel right?? I should know this shit my dad is insane about it

Thank you for the reassurance though ♡ I won't leave either 😈 it does mean a lot to be told you'll stay even on the bad days. My first thought when meeting anyone ever is if they know how bad I actually get they'll run so far....which is why I used to never share anything with people and always got I know nothing about you!!! Then the moment I share I get blank stares, dry responses, or okay anyways *talks about their problems* 😭 girl !!!!!! Okay I'm ranting now, but people on tumblr have always been so nice

[sam-the-pancake]

On our main someone sent an anonymous ask saying:

"You mentioned in a post somewhere that you're a teacher? If it's alright to ask, I'm becoming a teacher too and I've been worried that I'm too disabled to do it. How does being disabled affect you and your job teaching, and how are some ways you've learned to manage?"

-------------------------------------------------

We're happy to talk about our experiences! Just keep in mind they're exactly that, our experiences, yours might be different. (Apologies in advance that this gets a bit long and rambly)

The main disabilities that affect our job are EDS and autism. We are a DID system (and have other disabilities), but I (host) am forced into the front around people who know us but don't know about the system so switching at work isn't a problem for us. I use a cane anytime I'm out of the house and I've recently started using a wheelchair as well when I know it's going to be a high impact day with lots of standing or sitting at the lunch tables (which have no back support).

I am currently a middle school teacher. I teach English as a New Language, so again, my experiences might be different than if I were a general education classroom teacher. The admin at my school have been very good about hearing what I need and working with me. That being said, I am very good at advocating for myself. In my opinion you need to be willing to say "I can't do that" or "I need X accomodation/help if you want me to do that". For example recently there was an event for all the teachers and we were told everyone needs to take the school bus from your school to the event. I knew I'd need my wheelchair for the event and I didn't feel comfortable using a school bus lift. I reached out to my admin and said this is the situation, whats the protocol I need to follow? And she found out what needed to happen for me to drive myself there.

There are two main ways my disabilities affect my teaching. EDS affects my ability to stand/walk around for long periods or collective time without pain and fatigue. And my autism can cause direct miscommunication, or people misreading my tone and misinterpreting my words/attitude because of that.

To manage my EDS symptoms:

I've learned that I need to not put my cane down. Sometimes I'll leave it at my desk to walk around the room but my back starts hurting faster.

I bought a collapsible stool from Amazon for bus duty (standing next to a bus and marking who gets on).

I use my wheelchair whenever we have PD or other meetings in the cafeteria or other rooms that dont have chairs with backs. Or anytime I'll need to sit for hours and know the wheelchair will be a better choice since its more comfortable for long periods. (I haven't gotten my custom rigid frame yet. I'm using a loaner folding chair so I've been avoiding using it during the day when students are around)

I take Ibuprofen when I start to hurt! Dont wait for it to be "bad enough" it's only going to get worse! A lot of it is just learning to be kind to myself.

Sometimes I need to sit so I'll use my desk chair to move around, or I'll tell kids if they need me to come to me. I like to walk around the room to monitor progress as my coteacher leads, but sometimes I need to stay seated and that's ok.

To avoid miscommunication due to my autism:

I tell people straight away that I have a very direct tone, I'm not being passive aggressive or something like that. I say what I mean, and if I'm upset with you I'll tell you so we can work it out.

I'll also tell people that I have trouble reading tone through text, so I might ask for clarification on what was meant in a text or email and again that's just me trying to understand you properly and avoid miscommunication.

Sort of related, when a student asks a question I know the answer to but it's completely unrelated to the lesson (and won't be a quick answer), I've learned to say something along the lines of "I'm glad you're interested in learning about that, I'm happy to talk to you about it during _____, but right now we have to focus on what Mrs. Teacher is teaching". I often do this when kids notice my pronoun pins and ask if I'm a boy or girl. I'll say "I'm not either, I'm nonbinary, we can talk about it more during ____ if you want to know more about what that means."

This last thing is general teacher advice, but it definitely helps me to not over work myself. Don't bring work home. I don't know where you live, but at least in the US there's a major teacher shortage and we're underpaid as it is. We aren't paid to grade or lesson plan at home. And right now they especially can't afford to fire us. Take your time at home to relax, recover, and do something you enjoy. If you take a day off either as a sick day or a personal day don't use it to do work that you should be being paid to do either. I avoid this by leaving all my papers and work laptop in the building so I'm not tempted.

I hope this helped a bit. I don't know what kind of disabilities you have or what accommodations you think you might benefit from but I'm happy to talk about what I've seen or experienced if you're thinking of something else I didn't mention. If you're not a minor you're welcome to DM us. You can also keep sending asks to this blog if you prefer to stay anonymous :)

[moonykore]

So... RIP twitter, hi everyone on tumblr.

I’m Moon! I am an hispanic content creator, specifically streamer on twitch, tho I'm trying to start posting on YT. I am a big rookie on this so imma add just that i am a "starter cc".

I'm neurodivergent but I try my best to focus and be happy while streaming.

I focus on minecraft and some indie games but I play whatever my PC can run, which will be a lot more soon since my sis bought me a graphic card (i love her so much)

I would say that the vibes of my streams are dumpster on fire, and I like that. I like the mess, the chaos and the unavoidable tendency that I have to be annoying, oblivious and an absolute dork.

I don't wanna trauma dump but I started streaming when I was in my lowest, but found some joy on certain cc's that made me laugh when no one could.

I never felt at home in my house but I believe that happiness is something that I can build so... That's why I am here now, to maybe give some comfort to someone or make them laugh. I've always thought that even if one person is positively affected with something that I do I am succeeding so... feel free to join!

BACKLOG OF GAMES HERE.

If you want some more info about me you can read more here:

I am 21 years old. She/her. Bisexual (so obviously we are an lgbtq+ friendly place!)

I love horror with all my heart! (But no, I won't play subnautica bc I am too scared thanks.)

I am a mythology, books and music nerd. I love any art that can tell a story. I'm a lil slut for storytelling what can I say.

Two of my biggest interests are astronomy and bothanic.

I also love anime and manga (+webtoons, manhuas, doramas etc) my favorites being HxH, one piece, Detective Conan and anything with a magical girl on it.

My (mental and physical) health is pretty fucking bad, but I try my best so if you ever catch me a lil down no worries!

Minecraft is my comfort game, but I am shit at competitive.

My favorite games are FFVII, dragon quest IX, and a looong list of rpgs and graphic adventures of point&click.

I love the DSMP, hermitcraft and a lot of MCYT more!

In relation to that, I know I'm not as funny, charismatic or skilled as some of the creators there, but being kind is like my only talent so you are always going to be welcome on my community! (even if I call you bitches sometimes! It's like an affectionate bitch. An endearing one. And if I say something about ur mom I probably mean an imaginary mom).

If after reading this you decide to join me here is my twitch, and here is my linktree if you wanna check my other socials! (Twitter is the best way to see my personality so run there and yell at me if you want)

Also PD: for the economic status of my family, if you donate anything, I'll probably use it to help at home, improve my setup or have a lil trait for me or someone that I love. But my bot always spams the link of the donate to the sarcoma fundation so if you want to spend money, you can do it there and not in me!

[castle-dominion]

c3x19 law & murder

Edit: I'm gathering clips for tumblr rn but it is taking way long & I am disorganizing my clips so I might need to pause for the day, even tho these dvds are overdue at the library...

This guy is sending looks over all scary-like, & this guy looks like he needs to ask for help or a break soon. Why ask him? Why not ask the people who are already beside you? bc this guy is wearing a suit & looks like he knows what's going on? It reminds me of that story where a boyfriend breaks up with his gal bc she is uncaring & then she's ruminating on this on the bus & when someone dies right in front of her she does care; she cares that he coughed up blood onto her shoe.

Don't u usually go to crime scenes & THEN they go to court?

Casually picks up a big, unsmoothied celery leaf what's the sense in living longer if you have to drink that We call em professional development days here bc in catholic school we also had faith development days so two FD days would make no sense, we had to have PD days & FD days. Father daughter <3 wait alexis why r u mumbling into that drink? She did not she LOVES my breakfast smoothies! Going to take another sip before he realizes what he's doing Pick up a gal there, mr castle ;) Weird way to answer the phone ("for castle press one")

Brought a coffee : ) Castle & his poker group (won't clip) (except he walks into the wall & that was funny) Ah cyanide. I had a cyanide interest one. Mm the coffee bitterness could hide the cyanide bitterness. (read a fic once where someone used almond flavoured coffee, or almond milk or smth)

Dirtbag trifecta XD clipping this (& getting their outfits) Oh outfit update: Espt: leather jacket, lapels as usual, collared shirt underneath with zippered breast pockets, badge on neck, no tie. Ryan: brown overcoat, grey vest (I think), lighter, warm purply grey dress shirt, red tie. Maybe it's a blue dress shirt. That was my initual thought but it's so warm. & it is also patterned, not with ink I think but with texture. Becks: Red coat (tho I think it a different coat than the one we've seen her in before), scarf, other stuff under that which I cannot see due to the scarf but I see how her shirt's buttons are on a white lining & tbh it's kinda ugly. Castle: His usual. Blue shirt. Black jacket. Looks nice & dark too, not the usual technically-grey-but-we-call-it-black black. I mean it is technically grey but shush.

Heck yeah don't let your client speak to people

Good on the son for stopping the dad.

Lot of camera time. Love the way ryan said that & his outfit & there's just smth abt his cadence & tone & how much he lets his voice vibrate What was that "oh you do?" thing? He's a detective, ofc he got an apb out.

Second chances, but not fifth chances, I respect that. Man also has a decent outfit. Having watched this episode, I notice. Brother: He looked out for people. *eye contact just for a sec but I felt it*

(I don't rly know what to clip...) I'm marked for death, man!

Ugh. Big scary black guy we get it shut up bro. I liked you at first. Now you're just annoying & repeating that right in front of LT, a tall, black, intimidating cop Oh would you look at that chance. Weird how they just have TVs in the corners like that. & ryan can just easily pull up the footage to that exact moment? He might have had it bookmarked ig... Calls him cousin wardell lmao killer cup of joe that was great that was great

I mean yeah (the juror badges on their shirts might be a hint) He's not wrong tho rich powerful white friends can feel safe Yep, this man has a point

gsp tracked her phone with precinct supplies? Yuck. oh nvm with an app This is why I always have my location off. Mr app man. & be justified! He's right I guess... (remember this for s7)

She says it's cyanide laced but then says it isn't? Weird way to phrase it. He died approximately one hour after taking the meds, maybe he took em at 8.07 not 8.13 exactly. True, but that doesn't necessarily mean the killer is a woman

(Clipping this) KR: Isn't every murder a tragedy? esposito implied backstory moments (we will see in abt two seasons) Why's he quoting sum kinda poetry? Is that Shakespeare? JE, looking at him, eyebrows crunched: Bro u'r not castle KR: Yeah I know I'm not castle JE: Then stop trying to talk like him KR: What, I'm not allowed to reference the bard? (so yes shaksp) (door creaks & blows; they draw their guns) KR: I'm a renaissance man (sure bestie) JE: Memorizing one quote does not make you a renaissance man. (reminds me of that scene in stranger things where Steve just Can't quote sherlock holmes) KR: What if I memorized two? (No... No babe) JE: Have you? Memorized two? KR: No (AFSDJKH) but what if I did? (BRO I DON'T THINK THAT'S HOW IT WORKS also u called yourself a renaissance man & you're quoting "the bard" but you only know one? I mean I love it but dang what is even going on?) JE: KR: *nods upwards at the door* (me: sjhfksjdhjh) JE: Depends on the quote *opens door* (ok I'd like to point out that these two are just having a conversation while assuming someone is back there & waiting to shoot them. Or maybe they're conversing so that the person back there doesn't realize they're onto him.) & then this guy comes running out & Ryan flips him over his shoulder like a wrestling takedown but actually it's more like what my parents used to do for swing dancing except insted of landing on her feet, he fell on the ground; & ryan stretches his neck after that stunt. But Guns Don't Make Sounds When You Flail Them Around

my man looks a bit like marcus gates tbh

They tested Every Capsule So tru bestie. Ex-con instincts. I hear the cops & I hide. I like this man. I also looove their outfits. Ryan's hair is so spikey. they are so in synch.

I did it I did it I did it! You killed him? Oh my god no! I love her

sad that the clerk doesn't have the money for rent. I love her XD

Ooh Captain's tie! Purple, patterned but quiet.

Castle say "I have connections" not "a friend went there" She looks so much younger back in this season tbh, she's so baby. I think lack of eyeliner is part of it. Don't reveal your hand. Say you trust her. Say you trust her. Ask her to trust you too, tell her you won't be mad. Say you are concerned & you want her to tell you, you don't want to pry. (Cool dads don't pry.) ok but now he knows you took the train there & bought something with your bank card. Technically I would have to be the government to do that.

Beckett is so right. It doesn't matter to alexis if what he did was so wrong.

is it at all possible? YES! did I know anything? NO! At least he asks the son/brother for confirmation.

Karnacki. Lou Karnacki. District attorney.

Ew I remember this episode now. This DA thing. Once. Today.

Ew idk if this outfit is ok or if ryan's yellow tie is just straight up ugly. I can't tell. Brown jacket, nice dark-ish somewhat desaturated green, yellow tie. Plus a little irish flag. (oh fun story, yesterday I was driving with my mom bc I was volunteering at her work & I saw a flag, it was hanging oddly so I couldn't tell if it was the flag of india or ireland. I said this out loud & then mum asked if I had used hand sanitizer. "Why?" 'because it smells like alcohol in here' & then I looked out the window & the building with the flag & in big fancy writing on the side surrounded by art it said: Irish Centre of [City]. Actually I fudged the timeline a bit but this is basically what happened.) & esposito's outfit is like smth I would wear at home. It is not a shirt I'd wear to work. Nice long sleeves, blue, buttons but no collar. Castle's blue shirt actually has red on it castle & his apps XD My man needs a real magnifying glass not just an app. XD clipping this three reasons thing JE: Nice. *smacks castle's shoulder* RC: Ah JE: Sorry. *pats his shoulder gently*

Maybe he just thought it was fun to be part of the jury of a murder he did. Maybe he'll make a habit of killing ppl & serving on their juries

12 angry men was a great show.

he is the victim AND suspect but FOR DIFFERENT MURDERS Six degrees of separation bro

You found the phone or CSU found the phone? KR, in a secretary voice: District attorney's office uwu

Oh I love Dawn. Second time he's in the precinct, & all for this Girl u probably should speak in a more polite tone just to preserve his ego. Lou DA man chill tf out (the camera-ing is good) I agree you should have told him but I'm glad you didn't bc it revealed stuff abt him.

Sorry my little bro is playing portal two & I've been listening to him & I just died when wheatley said "I'm going to attempt a manual override on this wall" bc he literally just breaks it down.

Castle is sure holding that coffee weird. So Beckett can pick it up. KB: Yes? *smiles a bit* I like castle's ampersand.

At least this man has a lawyer. Auto theft, not murder. So valid. that bad boy was all the way back My dad is 6'5" my mom is 5'4", switching car seats sucked. The ONLY prints they found were his? sus. (sherlock holmes: the hardest part to see is the thing that is not there. or smth like that idk)

Yes otherwise we'd just be looking for tall people.

playing cards in the foreground Yes communication & apologies & alexis being pretty & hold on he has naked heat as a background? Mum said u put stuff u care abt there (my old phone had a lockscreen & background of unus annus) & then mum showed the pic of my brothers & me uwu. *mumbling* yw wr shhplhftng? Girl your friends went shoplifting? They're kids, they're girls who go to a good school why would they do that? For the thrill of it? I'm glad you're telling ur dad but maybe don't talk about this in the police station. & hey, it was very smart of you to leave the money & the note to rectify the wrong without implicating your friends or getting anyone arrested. Good on you. (Except u'r not the one who should have paid for it.) Oh & rick definitely shoplifted as a kid. She's not going to narc on them & heck yeah rick, angry & proud. Judged by the company you keep Girl don't make a promise u can't keep. Gives him a little pat before leaving.

WAIT FEELING RESPONSIBILITY FOR THE FRIENDS YOU KEEP A PLOT B PLOT

I don't think I'll clip that thing with alexis

Only two sets of prints? Not Lyla's? It's the DA isn't it

Ah the brother of the juror. So valid bestie. The b plot parallels. Little trust fund baby thinks he's so gangster until they hit a pothole. Yeah we should abolish guns. If u want to fight, use your hands. Well that's what happened! They did think it was auto theft!

What just happened with the captain? (btw sometimes they need to open up their aperture or.. close it.. idk. they need to make things all focused, not some sharp others hella blurred)

Lmao it's the booze from the old haunt episode! In Court, don't ask a question you don't Know the answer to. Yeah well politics & cops. It's like when brackenreid put away a criminal but for the wrong crime. Also this guy legit goes by lou? I p much exclusively go by my nickname but if I had a nameplate in my office it would have my full name (tho my nametag at work is my nickname) Isn't that illegal? to record like that?

Who is this rando? Is that the brother? Doesn't look like the DA. Oh wait it's Stephen. The brother of lyla. Oof, I feel bad for Montgomery. I feel like we could have seen castle playing poker with him lol, the da, the judge, the mayor, & the captain. "Your boss, your boss's boss, & the one who signs your warrants." & knowing the future pieces of this season, I see montgomery talking. All the good he's done, even tho he messed up. Montgomery is technically talking about his friend & colleague, Lou the DA. For those of us that have seen the series? Mm.

Castle fishing for a date XD I love when beckett puts on her coat & then takes it out again. It's times like this I remember I used to call myself a lesbian.

Yeah good episode. & great foreshadowing.

[levelslevels]

if you sent me an ask responding to a discussion happening on a different blog – i've said my piece there and i don't really feel the need to elaborate my position further. going to answer a couple bits under the cut and that's going to be it from me.

like i said, i saw plenty of jokes involving non-jimin members on twitter in the direct aftermath of namjoon's wlive (and before hobi's birthday live). i'm not on tiktok but i believe you when you say that jihope videos are flooded with comments jokingly linking jimin to namjoon's hickey and calling him crossfit. knowing armys they've probably run the joke into the ground by now; but sometimes a joke is just a joke and it can get old and annoying and unfunny quickly but it's still just a joke. as in, not harmful. *and* this is one of those cases where i think it could have been any member – were it any other member who'd given hobi a kiss on the neck *right after* a fandom-wide frenzy about namjoon's hickey blunder then those jokes would have happened regardless. you really underestimate the amount of ot7-are-all-in-a-gay-polycule armys there are lol. i am in fact going to go out on a limb and make the prediction now that next time we see a member's face in close proximity to another member's neck there will be a viral tweet kekeing about crossfit all over again. it will be funny for approximately five minutes and then it will get old but it won't be "problematic".

i mean, sure! i don't know the guy nor do i know his friends, within and outside bts. i'm sure all his friendships look different. but what i was arguing was: a) jimin IS a really affectionate person who sometimes likes to engage in playful flirtatiousness and *physical* affection with his close friends; antis calling him names because of it doesn't deny this basic fact, b) it is actually fine and fun to make good-natured jokes about it as fans, c) the traits i described in point a and the jokes i've mentioned in point b do *not* in any way imply promiscuity, which is what a lot of jimin fans are concerned about when it comes to protecting his image. again, that is anti talk that has no basis in reality. (not that there's anything wrong with being promiscuous but that's a whole nother conversation.) i don't know and to be frank i don't care if he does actually kiss or bite his friends platonically or not at all or maybe a select few and in that case which ones. but you also don't need all that info to make a jokey joke!

this is for both anons:

i am well aware that taekookers & other antis have been spreading an offensive, 2d caricature image of him, & have been pretty much undeterred in doing so for years. i just fundamentally disagree with the notion that we should extend blame by association to fans who are just being fans and making harmless jokes. (keyword: harmless — there is a lot of racist and orientalist “humour” in the fandom and this isn’t about that.) taekookers made up an entire revolting scenario out of thin air just by looking at a picture of jimin standing next to bang pd; they are crazy and vile and will continue to be crazy and vile regardless of what the fandom’s inside joke of the day is.

i think jimin fans (whether solos or biases, and in this specific case jikookers too) can be hyper-vigilant & paranoid when it comes to this stuff sometimes, and while i understand the history, & sometimes feel this impulse myself, ultimately it just ends up escalating conflict for no reason. i think being in a "bubble" (be that pjms or jikookers, or what have you) can sometimes give you a very skewed idea of what the fandom actually looks like, because even the most minuscule, insignificant thing gets magnified tenfold and then tenfold again. (twitter is built around this, btw. fabricated outrage creates engagement.) i think if you peek out of the echo chamber you'll find that most ot7 armys have no secret anti-jimin agenda. he's actually really well-liked! who would have thought.

ending this with a quote from the original discussion which perfectly sums up my thoughts:

“I'm just saying that he does [flirt] (in a platonic way, if that makes sense?) and that it's okay. We don't need to erase his personality traits and truths in order to denounce problematic perceptions. If you think stating him being a flirty person = encouraging the view that Jimin is BTS' boy toy, then that's not my problem or anyone else's.”

lol. i don't think he's straight, no, but i also don't think it's nearly as clear-cut as most people seem to believe. this is not @ you anon, but i see so many who are convinced that he and other members of bts are in a glass closet (together or separately): believe me when i say that there are a good few korean celebrities who are in glass closets and none of them are in bts.

anyway! jimin. i don't think he's straight.

(& since i am answering this as a corollary to this particular post, i thought i'd add a reminder that queer friendships look different than straight friendships a lot of the time. and that includes how affection is expressed. just something else to consider.)

[ikleesfiction]

Tacones Rojos

Fandom : Chicago PD TV Word count : 4,242 words Pairing : Jay Halstead x reader Author's note : This is the sixth one shot of "Will you follow through if I fall for you" fic continuation. It would be better if you read it first. But if you don't, here's the quick summary. Warning : There is an implied/referenced suicide here. I won't be offended if you back away from the fic because of this. The reference is tiny, non explicit. But it's better to be overcautious than underestimating a possible trigger. I love you, please take care of yourself!

Disclaimer

◢◤

Jay opens the door and lets himself into the house. It has been a good day at work. For once, Chicago's finest criminals are not making too much fuss. The Intelligence Team could get off of work before sundown. They decide to go out for dinner to celebrate Voight’s birthday, which should have been last month, but they were just too busy before.

"Babe?" Jay calls you out.

"Bathroom!" You holler back to let him know where you are. "Thank god you are here early. I thought I had to pick you up at the precinct."

"You haven’t had dinner yet, have you?" Jay walks further into the house. "The team is..." He pauses at the bathroom door, whistling at the vision in the mirror.

There you are in a black dress, sporting a low neckline. The dress has tiered skirts that fall above your knees. It looks lavish yet still modest. Jay fails to figure out how you do it. All he knows is that you look stunning.

Standing behind you, Jay wraps his arms around your waist. "Hi, gorgeous," He kisses your neck. "God, you smell wonderful." Jay moves to kiss the other side. "Not that I mind this lovely welcome, but what's the occasion?"

"You don't remember?" You look to your side without moving away from his embrace.

Jay frowns, "What? I didn't forget your birthday, did I?" He jokes.

You turn around, resting your hip on the bathroom counter. One of your eyebrows raises, full of judgment.

"I'm pretty sure it is not our anniversary?" Jay asks meekly.

Now both of your eyebrows turn into an arch.

"Well, I'm sorry I don't remember," In an attempt at his apology, Jay brings your hands to his lips. "Please..."

"I have this invite from The Tribune, a dinner party for their contributors," You let go of his hands. Turning back to face the mirror, you put on the last touch of your makeup. "I told you about this, right? They invited me since I am writing for their music column now."

"Ah, yes," Jay grimaces. "That is tonight?"

"Yeah. I thought you were here early because you remembered."

"Sorry," Jay shrugs his shoulders. "I was going to take you to the Chop House. The team is celebrating Voight’s birthday tonight."

"Wasn’t it like a few weeks ago? I remembered sending him a bottle of malt for a gift." You glance at Jay's reflection in the mirror as you put on a pair of earrings.

"It was, but we haven’t had the chance to celebrate it until tonight."

"Well, I guess we have to skip his party then." You usher Jay and walk with him to step out of the bathroom.

"Let’s go to Chop House first, just to say hi. Then we will go to your party." Jay proposes his plan.

You scoff at his idea. "It is not my party. It is the Chicago Tribune Contributors Dinner." You sit carefully on the couch before putting on a pair of red strappy heels. "It is a formal dinner, Jay. Suit and tie and invites and all." You gesture to your whole look from top to toe. "You cannot be as late as you want."

You stand up and continue your ranting. "Seriously, I don’t know why I expect any difference this time. It is such a classic thing Jay Halstead would do. You always think about your team first. Everything else comes second."

"Hey, that’s not true!" Jay snaps back. "Look, I’m sorry I forgot about your dinner invites, but it doesn’t mean I care more about my job than about you." Jay is perplexed to find out how dinner invitations could turn into spats. Is it so unforgivable to forget something?

"I tried, Jay. I tried as much as I could to understand that your job comes first. I accepted that your team is your family. I get it, Jay! I wish you could give me even a tiny part of that same devotion you have for them."

"Well, it seems you understand nothing, huh, Y/N?" Jay gets provoked by the high tension. "Because all I heard here is that you complained about all the time spent at my job. Do you want to talk about my work? Then I should have brought about your job in the first place." Jay points his finger in your direction. "I never say anything when you have gone abroad for weeks to make some music and million dollars. So maybe, it is you who is not devoted to this relationship."

You feel enraged by his accusation. You wanted to fight back, but fighting with words is not your best forte. You would only end up choking and crying, which you have no time for now.

"You know what? I cannot do this with you right now." You check your purse. "I’m almost late. Please send my apologies to your team." You grab a coat on your way out. "Don't forget to lock up when you go."

With that, you leave the house and your angry boyfriend in it.

◢◤

“What are you doing here? I thought you had an important dinner date with your Dancing Queen?” Hailey asks Jay when he comes to the steak house by himself.

"Stop calling her that." Jay scolds his partner.

"Well, she danced, and she acted like a diva. I'm just calling what I'm seeing." Hailey shrugs.

"You never saw her dance, you liar!" Jay laughs. "For a DJ, she is an awful dancer."

"But you agree that she is a diva wannabe," Hailey points out what Jay left out.

"No, she is not. Just because she is the only famous musician you met doesn't mean she is a diva." Jay rolls his eyes. "You should give her a chance, Hailey. You keep offending her like this without getting to know her personally. It is not fair, you know?" Jay defends his girlfriend.

"Well, if she were here now, I would." Hailey takes a sip of her beer.

“No, you would not,” Jay calls out her bullshit.

“No, I probably wouldn’t,” Hailey admits with a cunning grin. “So you bailed on the dinner date, huh?”

“It was more like I forgot. But apparently, that is a punishable crime.” Jay frowns in disgust.

“Ah, lovers’ quarrel. I will not touch that with a ten-foot pole." Hailey raises her hands. “You guys are fun to watch, like a teenage drama. Sickeningly sweet in one episode, then broke up in the next one.”

Jay rolls his eyes, “We are not breaking up. We are just having a spat.”

“The fact that you pointed it out makes you sound like a teenage boy,” Hailey teases him. “Relax. The thing about a diva is that they are fickle. By tomorrow, you will be madly in love again."

“Ergh, I don’t know why I bother to talk to you about this.” Jay waves his hand, terminating their conversation. "You are not helping,"

◢◤

Two hours into the event, you are getting bored already. The party is fun, and the food is alright, but your heart's not in it. Mostly, it was because you left home with a bitter taste of fighting with your boyfriend. Deep down, you understand that you are not being fair to Jay. His job is hard on your relationship, but your frequent trips abroad for your job are also not easy to handle. Neither of you nor Jay is entitled to feel singled out. This evening spat was just you losing grip of your insecurity, and you lashed it out at Jay.

However, you are too upset to admit that you are in the wrong as much as Jay. Right now, your fight response still runs high. It is almost 9.30 PM. It would be too late to visit your usual jiu-jitsu dojo. The one near Grant Park might still be open, though, you remind yourself. Sparring for an hour and a half would be good before you face Jay. That way, you hope to get rid of any negative energy. Then, you can talk to Jay more openly.

You leave the party around 10 PM. Instead of calling a cab, you walk to the bus stop. There is a gas station and a minimarket across the street. You decide to drop by for a bar of chocolate. It is far from the artisan dark chocolate you have at home, but you always have this craving for chocolate at an upsetting moment. Chocolates, and physical fights, are now becoming your antidepressant.

You smile at the middle-aged guy at the cash register who hands you your purchase. The bell above the door clinks as three guys step into the store. They go straight to the alcohol section.

The guy at the register sighs loudly. He looks about the same age as Jay’s brother, Will, but the suffering on his face might add a few years more. “Delinquents,”

You nod your understanding and offer him another smile in farewell. “Have a good night,”

The street is pretty deserted as you walk to the bus stop. Not a lot of people walk around. There are only a couple of cars passing by. You open and take a bite of the chocolate bar, waiting for your bus to come. You notice the guys are leaving the store with beer bottles in their hands. They cross the street and hang around the bus stop.

Before long, the catcalls begin.

“Where are you going, long legs?” One of them asks you. “Those heels, woohoo. I could climb those legs forever,”

Ignoring them should be the right way to go, you think. As the wind picks up, you tighten your coat to warm yourself.

“I wonder, what's under the coat? What do you think, dude?” The punks talk to each other.

“Tight dress,”

“Lace,”

“Nothing, maybe?”

"Eeeey!" They trade high fives and cackles, supporting the others' wild imaginations. All while they are stepping closer to where you stand.

From across the street, you hear the cash register guy shout, “Hey, leave her alone, you scoundrel!”

You understand how this looks. Some crooks are harassing a woman. People with high morals will try to help, of course. It is normal to assume a young woman will be helpless. But this time, they have the wrong assumption. Because as far as you can see, there are no vulnerable women around here.

Honestly, you feel giddy. You might not have to go to the dojo for a fight after all.

“What are you gonna do, old man?” One of the punks challenges him. He dares to grab your ass, taunting the cash register guy.

Yes, you got your fight! You are fist-pumping internally.

In a blink of an eye, the guy who touches you drops down on the pavement, holding his hand in pain. His friends look shocked for a moment. But being beaten down by a girl would be embarrassing.

“You, bitch!”

Naturally, they quickly strike back.

The fight is pretty one-sided. Three street thugs are no match for one jiu-jitsu purple belt. A throw down this way. Another sweep that way. One chokehold here. Lock that arm there. If they resist, then broken bones are unavoidable. It is not your fault that they decide to disturb a woman who just happened to be a jiu-jitsu student.

Until the punk that first went down gets back up to point a gun at you.

You let out a groan, “Seriously?” You hate guns. It is not because you are afraid of them or have any doubt about your bare hand fighting skill. You know it would only take you five seconds to unarm that guy. But firearms are loud and they tend to get messy. The ringing in your ears, the smell of powder residues, not to mention the blood stains. Ughh.

You make a side step forward as the man pulls the trigger. A slight miscalculation on your side allows the bullet to graze your arm. But in 20 seconds, the gun finds its way to your hand. The previous holder of the gun is down on the pavement with his palm under your pointy heels. The guy yells in pain, calling all deities and dirty words in the same sentence.

“Drop the gun!” You look up to find a cop car on the side of the road, and two police officers point their guns at you. “Drop the gun and show your hands!” The officer repeats.

You release the magazine from the gun before tossing it to the ground. That skill you learn not from the dojo but instead from your boyfriend. One of the officers then moves to secure your hands behind your back with cuffs.

“Oww,” You moan once you feel the wound on your arm.

◢◤

Trudy Platt is doing a crossword puzzle at her station when she sees a couple of her patrol officers bring a familiar face into the station. She stops the officers on their way, “Hey, Reyez, what happened here?”

“Dispatch called for a possible assault at South Western Avenue. Found this lady beating down three guys. All of them were at The Med now. One was unconscious. Another one ended up with a broken arm. The other’s leg was…” The officer shivers as he remembers the abnormal angle the guy’s leg was.

“Have you asked her to explain what happened?”

“She refused to talk outside this specific precinct, Sarge,” Officer Harris answers the sergeant.

Platt throws a disbelieving look at her officers and you.

“Hi, Sergeant Platt,” You grin at Trudy. “I’d wave, but…” You wiggle as much as you can, being restrained by Officer Harris.

“Why, you little diva,” Platt sighs out loud. She returns to her desk to make a phone call.

“Should I continue to process her, Sarge?” Officer Reyez asks.

Sgt. Platt waves her hand dismissively, “Just put her in the holding cell for now,”

◢◤

The ringing of Voight's cell phone interrupts the laughter at their table. Their meals have been polished by now. They are still around for glasses of wine, fingers of bourbon, and lots and lots of beer. They might've as well moved to a bar, but they're too full to get up from their chairs.

"Voight," The leader answers his phone. The team watches him, hoping they don't get called for a case.

Voight listens in silence for a few moments until he lets out an "Excuse me?" in an indignant tone. "What was that again?"

It seems the person on the phone repeats the same message because Voight shakes his head as if to disagree. "Okay, just stay put. We'll be right there,"

"Please don't tell me we got a case, Sarge. My ribeye has not fully digested yet," whines Adam as he pats his stomach.

"No, no. We're still on stand down. It's just Platt needed me back at the station," Voight pushes himself out of the chair. He opens his wallet and hands his credit card to Kim. "One more round, then wrap this up. Can't let you alcoholics break my wallet," The team laughs at him. Voight nods his head in Jay's direction. "Halstead, you need to come with me,"

"Sarge?" Jay stands up from his chair, confused.

"Good night, guys. See you tomorrow," Voight waves goodbye and leaves the table. He doesn't wait to see if Jay follows him. Voight expects him to.

Jay looks around questioningly at the table. However, the rest of the team is as perplexed as him.

"Go." Hailey ushers him to follow their leader. "Give us a call if you need help,"

"Hopefully you won't, but yeah, man, let us know if you need anything," Adam echoes the sentiment.

Jay quickly catches Voight on his way out of the restaurant.

"You good to drive, Halstead?" Voight asks him.

"Legally? Probably, no. But, I'm good, Sarge," Jay admits to his leader. He might be a little tipsy, but he drove in a worse state before, and it was fine.*)

"Okay then, meet me back at the station," Voight orders him. "Safely, Jay," He emphasizes his point.

"Yes, sir. Can I ask what this is about, Sarge?" Jay cannot hold his curiosity.

"I'll tell you when we get to the precinct," Voight leaves Jay with that.

◢◤

"Ah, good, you're here," Trudy greets them from her desk as soon as she sees Voight and Halstead. She hands a piece of paper for them to read.

Jay widens his eyes as he reads the report, "What the fuck is this?"

"You sort it out. It's not like I have no other papers to file anyway," Platt waves them to the holding cell direction.

"Sarge, this cannot be true, right?" Jay questions his boss.

"Let's ask Y/N," Voight leads them to the temporary cell.

They walk inside the precinct and stop in front of the iron bars. There is only one person there, and it's you.

"Y/N!" Jay calls your name. "You okay?"

"Hi, Jay! Fancy seeing you here. I'm great! Bullet wound and all," You grin from the bench inside the holding cell. "Oh, good evening, Sergeant Voight," You wave to the elder man.

"If you don't want to come to my birthday dinner, you should've said so, Y/N. No need to make some fuss with this arrest." Voight quips.

You snort a laugh, "Sorry, sir."

"Can we not joke about this? I thought you were at the Tribune party, Y/N. Why are you on the street getting shot and beating people up?" Jay sounds agitated.

"Well, they were bothering me with the catcalls. It was creepy as hell. Then one of them got physical. So I got physical too, you know what I mean?" You shrug your shoulders.

"Yeah, I know. I read the report," Jay huffs in exasperation.

"In an actual, official report? Oh, wow. I didn't expect that." You sound impressed with yourself.

"Of course, there is a report. You almost killed three men!! Do you understand that??" Jay is getting more hysterical.

"Almost is the operative word," You calmly point out.

Jay pinches his nasal bones in distress. "Can I get her out of here, Sarge?" He finally asks Voight.

Voight watches their banter with his hands in his pockets. He takes a moment to ponder.

"Hey, Y/N. What brought up this urge to kill?" Voight questions you.

"Sir?" You don't catch what he meant.

"I know you hold a purple belt. You practice jiu-jitsu a lot. Usually, you are more patient and tolerant than this," Voight elaborates. "So, I asked again, what happened tonight?"

You know what happened tonight. Pent up frustration at Jay and at yourself that has been left unsolved. If you didn't leave the house angry at your partner, you probably would not have to spend the night in a police station.

You keep your mouth shut, not interested in letting Voight know the truth. You look down at your feet, breaking eye contact with the sergeant. Your feet are bare since the officers asked you to take your heels off. Assault weapons, they said. You stepped your weight on someone's palm and broke their fingers along the way. Killer heels indeed.

Jay also decides to look away from you and Voight. The sergeant notices this. So both of them understand the reason, which clued him in on why this happened.

"I see how it is," Voight exhales. "Alright, I give you an out this one time, Y/N. Next time you beat thugs on the street, try harder not to kill them, okay? Refrain yourself to bump and bruises only,"

Jay gapes at his leader, "Sarge!" He cannot believe Voight is validating your violent action.

You throw a half smile at Voight, "Thank you, sir,"

"And make sure you come to the next team hangout, whenever that happens." Voight continues his order.

"I'll try, Sarge,"

"No, no. Don't just try. You have to be there," Voight corrects you. "First third rounds shall be on you. That's the least you can do after crashing my party," Voight then leaves the couple to sort that damn paper Platt has on her desk.

Jay goes with him to find the officer who holds the cell key. When he gets the door open, he notices your feet are bare. "Where're your shoes?"

"Don't know," You shake your head. "Evidence, maybe?"

"What the fuck are your shoes doing in Evidence?" Jay mutters as he steers you to Sgt. Platt's desk.

"You need to sign this," Trudy pushes some papers towards you. "And these are the rest of your belongings,"

First, Trudy puts a plastic bag that holds your purse and its content. You only bring your phone, your ID and a few notes. They are all there.

Then she follows with your shoes. You groan in regret at the sight of your poor shoes. One of the heels broke. The intricate strappings are all snapped and tangled. You have no idea if they are salvageable.

"They are my favorite stilettos," You pout.

"Should have thought twice before aiming that blade into someone's hand," Trudy tells you straight, sans empathy.

She finally puts the last item on her desk, which is your coat.

The coat has a new decoration now. There is one bullet hole in the left upper arm. You remember being grazed by a bullet earlier this night. A paramedic tended your wound at the crime scene. You can still feel the twinge at the bandaged arm even now.

Your eyes begin to tear up upon seeing the state of the outerwear. It was a gift from your dear friend who took his own life a few years ago. It saddened you to find his last gift was ripped by common thugs on the street. It felt like you tainted his memories for something mundane and avoidable. If only you agreed with Jay this evening, none of these would happen. You quickly wipe the corner of your eyes before the tears fall.

Jay doesn't miss that. Without saying anything, he brings you into a hug. Jay never met that friend, but he knows how important he was to you. His sudden departure shook you hard. It made you stop working for months. Until Jay forced you to speak, telling him how you feel, what your thoughts about it. They discussed how to move forward. How wilting away in sorrow was disrespectful to that friend’s life and legacy. Only then you were willing to enter your studio to make music again.

"Shh, it's okay, Love. You're okay," Jay whispers sweet nothings in your ears. He peppers your head with comforting kisses. "We can fix it," Jay promises. You know that he is not just talking about the torn coat.

Not knowing the story behind the coat, Trudy asks rudely, “What? Was it a $30k coat? Yeah, I would cry over that too,"

Above your head, Jay glares at Trudy’s insensitivity. Instead of being sad, her comment makes you laugh. You let go of Jay’s embrace and put on the holey coat. “Nah. If the coat were that expensive, those guys would be dead already,” You retort.

“New house rule! No more violence from you except at the dojo!” Jay points a finger in your direction, enforcing his words. “No assaults, no slaughters, especially over a piece of clothes!”

“We’ll see about that, babe. We’ll see…” You pat him on the shoulders, unconvinced by his rule.

“I don’t need to know your household issue. Get out of here, you rascals!” Trudy shoos them out of the precinct.

◢◤

At home, you and Jay are back in the bathroom. Still wearing your party dress, you sit on the closed toilet. Jay crouches next to you as he repatches your bullet wound.

“Sorry, sorry,” Jay whispers when he sees you wincing.

“I think that is my line,” You tell him.

“Huh?” Jay asks, distracted as he tightens the bandage. “All done,” His face is still hovering around your shoulder, checking his handiwork.

You look to your left. Without prompts, you catch Jay's lips in a kiss.

“I’m sorry,” You murmur. “for tonight. I should not be angry at you for such trivial things,”

Jay shakes his head, “No, I’m sorry I forgot. I should have paid better attention to you and our relationship,”

“I didn’t mean it when I said those things. I was just upset. Not a great excuse, but I’m still sorry. I know you are in this 100%.” You tell him, still in a quiet tone. As if increasing your voice would break the mood. “And so am I. Please, believe me,” You grab his hands to convince him.

Jay shushes you, “I know. I should not accuse you like that. I know it was wrong, I’m sorry. You should know that I have never doubted you, your love, or your commitment,” He presses his lips to yours in assurance. “Ever.”

You twitch your lips, smiling, “I guess both of us have apologized and forgiven, then?”

Jay nods, “Uh huh. You know what to follow, right?” He replies with an indecent grin.

“I’m not sure,” You play along. “You better show me what it is,” You wrap your hands above Jay’s shoulders, placing your palms behind his neck.

Jay pulls you up to your feet. His hands wander from your back to your hips. “I will. As soon as I find the damned zipper on this dress.”

+x Taglist +x

@lorenakaspersen @life-treatments @itsdesiree86

PSA: Please don't drive under influence no matter what the circumstance is!!!

[dxncingwithastrxnger]

i love this hc that steve joins the police. he's a protector, a big brother, a mom and he loves his kids. they should always feel safe in hawkins and he loves to help people.

and he is also someone who likes to turn a blind eye. many eyes. he's the one who keeps catching mike and el somewhere. be it in the quarry, at lover's lake or anywhere else.

there are harmless moments when mike and el just talk, but also moments when they are very inappropriate and and he will tells mike to drive her home (if they really always go straight home is another story) and threatens to tell hopper, which he won't do.

steve knows very well that hopper might or might not kill wheeler. hehe.

and steve likes to make fun of mike and tease him while giving el enough privacy to get dressed and tells her to bring memory next time she shows up again to the police station. they always play for the last dount during his break.

Oh my gosh, yes!!! I absolutely love this headcanon as well. I'm actually currently reading this AU where Steve is a police officer and him and El became friends after she met him at the police station when meeting up with Hopper, and one day while talking to him at his desk, she asks him what made him decide to become a police officer and he says something along the lines of, "Well actually, when I was a little younger, I ended up saving the younger brother of my girlfriend at the time along with some of his friends from something and it really made me realize some things. I mean, I'm not exactly the smartest guy, alright? In any area. But saving people? Protecting? Being the good guy? Now that's something I'm good at. That's something I can do. So now, here I am. An official police officer for the Hawkins PD and all its glory."

I probably got that last part totally wrong, but whatever, it's all close enough to what he said, lmao. So yeah, lines right up with our actual canon Steve, tbh. I would really love it if there was even just some tiny mention of it in season 5, tbh.

And oh my gosh, YES!!! Whenever he ends up finding Mike and El making out somewhere, he just walks up to them quietly and then suddenly very loudly says something like, "You know, I used to come here when I was younger, too." And then Mike and El both jump five feet in the air and Steve just starts laughing about it 😂😂

Yes, Steve very much likes to remind them everytime that they better be glad it was him that found them, not Hopper, stating that he likes Mike "just a little bit more than Hopper does, enough not to kill you, so you keep that in mind, Wheeler, you got it?" And then Mike is just vigorously nodding his head in agreement and sometimes, when he's in a particularly snarky or sarcastic mood, he'll mock salute Steve as well and then Steve just narrows his eyes at him and gives him a look that's like "I'm watching you, Wheeler", lmao

And yes, once El's fully decent, if she wasn't before, then she comes right up to them both and just cheerily asks what they're talking about and then Steve is just like, "Just giving the reminder of how Hop would react if he was the one that found you guys, just in case you forgot." And then yes, he would definitely remind El to bring memory, and he would be much nicer with her than with Mike, obviously, and then he sends them on their way and it's wonderful 😌😌😌

Thank you for sharing this awesome headcanon with me!!!! I absolutely love it!!!! And it's very much appreciated!!!! Hope you're having a great day/night!!!!! 💜💜💜

[akookminsupporter]

am i the only one who feels like the tannies care less about the grammys now? which, to me at least, is a good thing... but also a frustrating and bad thing too. :/ i was catching up on a lot of older content since i haven't seen them yet, and they always talked about performing at the grammys. not win one. and they got to perform, not once, not twice, but three times! which is HUGE for an asian group since we know how the grammys (& kind of north america) treats/treated them in the past. and they were so happy and honored to be able to perform at the stage and they pulled off such an amazing performance!

to be honest, i knew they were not going to win a grammy, but i was still rooting for them until the end. i had that one little hope that maybe, MAYBE they could get it. when bang pd showed up before the red carpet, i honestly thought for a second that this is it. they are getting one. they did it. we did it. but then i had to remember what i was watching... and it was really disappointing. it was horrible watching yoongi's reaction when they announced the winners and it was even more horrible watching any grammy-related content afterwards. 1/2

so while it would have been amazing for them to get a grammy, i am happy knowing that (at least it seems to me) they care less about winning one. and please don't misunderstand, i'm not trying to say that winning was the only thing they cared about! i just feel like they learnt that the grammys are still very racist and xenophobic and that is one of the main (if not The main) reasons why they couldn't get it. i know winning one if the only thing they haven't done, and getting a grammy means that you as an artist is critically acclaimed, and that's why i still hope, that one day... one day they might be able to win one. and i would hope to be there, with them, to witness that.

2/2 but it passed. and since we all know how the grammys treated them, we were all like "yes, we are proud of them, fck the grammys for pulling this on them". because i feel like deep down we all knew that even if america is slowly adjusting, the grammys are still voted by old, white men who won't give them a chance. and i so desperately wanted them to understand that it is not their fault. it's not their fault that they didn't get a grammy. it's not because they didn't work hard enough. it's not because people didn't love or support them enough. it's out of their hands. and the way they talked about the grammys much later, especially during the proof promotion i think? i felt like they acknowledged and accepted 'why' they didn't get the grammy. and i feel like they moved past the need of getting one/wanting one. they wanted to perform. that's all they wanted to do for years, and they got to do that.

Hello anon, how are you? Okay, I'm going to organise the ask first because I think anon got it wrong. The second part that I'm quoting above is actually the second paragraph or that part is what starts the second part or the 2/2 message that anon sent, the paragraph that starts with "so while it would have been amazing…" is the last paragraph of the ask. The end of the ask. I hope I explained it well.

Now anon to comment a little bit on what you said. In general, I agree with you, bts is a band that first of all likes singing/rapping, the stage is really what matters to them and performing on a big stage in the west was one more goal they wanted to accomplish. I don't think anyone can deny, not even themselves, that they wanted to win that award but I don't think they needed to or thought they should. Winning a grammy would be the end of their adventure in the west so to speak, one more way of saying that they conquered the west but obviously it was not the only way.

I remember that when I saw the video reaction of them seeing that they were nominated for the second time I noticed that it was very different from the first one. More measured, more normal. They were grateful, there's no doubt about that, but I think at that point they understood much more about how things were. After the Grammys, they said it themselves that they didn't really mind not winning, that they wanted to do an amazing performance and they did and I know they were happy with that. No one likes to lose and BTS even less hahaha but I don't think they lost sleep over it. Few artists understand that what gives an artist validity is the number of people who listen to their music and go to their concerts, I think BTS knows that very well.

As for them knowing how things work in the industry in the west… I think Namjoon's Vlive in April confirmed it. They know. They definitely know.

Hopefully, bts in the future will win one of those awards, not because they need the validation of having one but because it's one of those awards that they don't have and they deserve to have it. Hopefully, the western industry, especially in the USA, will stop being afraid of songs in languages other than English, that's the first step.

[notabled-noodle]

In response to your personal post about dissociation.. I'm a little unsure if you basically decided to leave the subject alone for now, and I'm not unwantingly butting in.. if I am, you can ofc ignore this :)

I am personally and professionally of the opinion that the dissociative disorders are some of the most under-researched, poorly understood and random designations in the diagnostic system. By no means, does this mean that I don't believe in the experiences associated with dissociation, hell, I'm a dissociative bitch myself, but I do think that it's very hard to say anything about dissociative experiences that has any solid scientific basis.

Therefore I am taking off my psychologist hat, and I'm going to share some personal first hand and second hand anecdotes that may or may not be helpful somehow.

First off about the 70% of the time feeling dissociated/disconnected from your body. With what little I know of you, I tend to contribute this at least partially to your sensory sensitivities - it sounds like "your body in the world" is not a very nice place to be, so it makes sense that you spent a lot of time out of touch with it. But in terms of anecdotes, I have a friend, a trans girl. For her a similar constant dissociation was at least partially related to gender questions, and the further she got in her transition, the more in touch she felt with her body (and emotions). I have a partner with DID, who thought they were always dissociated. When they started adhd meds some of the fog lifted, and they learned that for them there was a difference between adhd fog and dissociation that they didn't quite see previously. Another partner who is autistic and has ptsd feels disconnected from reality as a whole, and while they have a vivid rich inner life, they struggle to connect emotionally with the "real world". They are questioning schizoid pd. Personally I used to feel similarly, still do sometimes, and I think for me it was in large part due to a life-long experience of being an "outsider"/not quite human, an observer of not just the world but also "myself", and it was very meta in a distinctly prodromal psychosis way I guess ^^"

As for spicy dissociation and feeling "just not present", I'm not 100% sure I understand what you mean, or rather that could mean different things to me. It could be that you experience amnesia for these episodes (thus feeling like you weren't there), it could be an experience of being on autopilot without actually decision making power, or it could be the feeling of another presence taking over temporarily (or some mix). For example I personally experience both of the latter, but not the first (blackout amnesia). But since I'm not sure what you mean by it, I won't comment much more.

In terms of the flashback triggering dissociation triggering an emotional flashback! THAT I know what you mean, like yes, that is a thing.

The way I conceptualise it, something triggers a flashback. Which is upsetting, so the brain reacts by trying to shut down via dissociation, much like it might have done at the actual traumatic event in question. And then the dissociation sticks around, not allowing you to access your emotions etc. So when the dissociation lifts, you are hit by the emotions related to the flashback.

In terms of what trauma counts for what disorder etc, sure, that can matter for an official diagnosis, but in terms of personal experience, it's honestly rather simple: Anything that you personally experienced as traumatic has the potential to cause you to have trauma reactions later - such as flashbacks, dissociation and more. (Also might wanna throw in there that it's well-established that autistic (and other differently nd) people often interpret and experience stressful events in a more traumatizing way than neurotypical counterparts.)

Losing control of your body while still having full awareness would be interpreted as a delusion of control by most psychiatrists, a symptom of psychosis. There's a lot to be said about the differences and similarities between dissociative and psychotic experiences, and once again, it's not a subject where I feel confident saying anything in a professional capacity. That said, there's a few things to look out for in understanding the nature of what's going on.

In delusions of control, the sufferer often (but not always) have an accompanying delusion about who/what is controlling them. Whether this is the case of not, delusions of control are usually (but not always) experienced as forceful and uncomfortable/scary.

When speaking of personal and secondhand experiences of both identity dissociation, compartmentalization and delusions of control, I tend to think that it's "open to personal interpretation of the experience".

If the experience is more in the realm of "someone else takes over for a while but it's cool" I'm not super worried. Whereas if the experience is that of losing control of your body, being unable to influence what you do/say, potentially accompanied by a sense of external control, I would be worried, both because that's not a nice feeling and also because I associate that with delusions of control (psychosis).

Personally I feel that the fact that psychiatry only ever offered me one explanation for my identity/control fuckery (as part of psychosis, something to exterminate), while I also felt alienated by the language/discourse surrounding dissociative disorders, lead me down some dark paths in the past..

These days I/we are pretty ok on the whole thing, but yeah...

Dunno if any of that was helpful at all?

I have kind of decided just to leave it be, as in… I’m not actively seeking out answers. but I am still mulling it over and trying to think of the best way to describe my symptoms. so no active discovery, just passive thought.

it does make a lot of sense that both my gender and my sensory issues would contribute to dissociation. and, you know, my chronic pain might have something to do with it too, if my brain has decided that dissociation is a coping mechanism. in terms of all that, I think the best I can do is try to look after my sensory needs and my pain needs and see if that helps reduce the dissociation? we’ll see

I haven’t experienced amnesia for several years, and the spicy dissociation is what seems to have replaced the episodes of amnesia. it’s like I’m half here and half on a different planet. the half that’s here is on autopilot, and the half on a different planet is thinking through fog. it’s hard to explain, but yeah that’s the situation

thanks for explaining about the emotional flashbacks being triggered by the lifting of dissociation! that explanation makes a lot of sense to me, and seems to be accurate to my experiences

it also makes sense that autism would make me more susceptible to ending up traumatised. I’ve read a bit about that before, but I’ve never really applied it to myself, because my trauma has been really unusual (in that it’s happened in bits and pieces). I’ve only started questioning it all now because my mum thinks that I can’t possibly be traumatised compared to what caused her trauma and… yeah. I don’t know.

hmm and about the delusion of control… it doesn’t feel great at all. it feels like I’m on the inside of a robot, and some supervillain in the distance has decided to manipulate what the robot does. I’m screaming internally, but the robot doesn’t listen to me, it just does other shit. nothing dangerous — usually it just makes me say things or eat something I wouldn’t normally eat. it is very uncomfortable though and I wish it wouldn’t happen!

I do have some psychosis associated with my OCD, so I don’t know if this is possibly a part of that or if it’s unrelated. my OCD psychosis wasn’t considered bad enough for me to be on anti-psychotics or anything, so it generally freaks me out but is mild. it’s usually just that I can feel ghosts touching my body, and then I have a compulsion to get rid of the ghosts

yeah, anyway — thanks for the input! from what little research I’ve done, it does seem like a very messy area in terms of distinguishing what’s going on

[skopostheorie]

alright i'll bite. please tell me about ur headcanon for dj grooves ^_^

DJ Grooves is the answer to the eternal question, "what if penguins could have Histrionic Personality Disorder?". Histrionic Penguinality Disorder, even. This kids' game can fit sooo much mental illness in it.

Basically my HC is that he has HPD and, unlike many stereotypes about people with the disorder (and Cluster Bs in general), he uses it to his advantage and is a way nicer person for it! Maybe he got therapy IDK.

For those unfamiliar with HPD (unfortunately for me I have 97 mental illnesses and am banned from most public spaces so I am) it's a Cluster B PD (meaning "dramatic" PD, someone with a distorted image of the self) where people act with the sole intention of bringing attention to themselves, be it negative or positive. Other traits of HPD havers below with some annotations relating to Grooves:

("But Ibrahim, Grooves is sincere to a fault what on Earth are you talking about!!!!" to YOU maybe. I know him personally.)

Being flashy and attention-grabbing is, very evidently, Grooves' work ethos and how he plans his films. For instance, he refers to the Time Piece props as "flashy new props" to "fill the sets with glimmer". Whenever he is personally in a scene, he underlines the word "me" to emphasise it (see the "scene" box on this clapboard):

He also appears, when he was younger, to make films with a key intention of it bringing attention to himself:

Rash decisions without thinking them through are also common among those with HPD, and I feel that Grooves does this a lot. For one, he immediately hires Hat Kid as a star actor for little reason other than thinking it might help him end his losing streak, including ripping up her bills and establishing her legally as a bird (LMFAO) despite the fact that humans are literally not allowed on set AND are not insured, meaning he can get sued to hell and back if something happens to her.

Moreover, he uses the bomb from Train Rush with the intention of killing HK with it, but fails to consider that the bomb was capable to blowing up an entire train - he should know this, as the only way he could know about the bomb was from watching the movie or hearing about the plot. That is, the bomb going off would kill him, too, he just doesn't think that far ahead.

Flirtatious behaviour is obvious, especially with Cond, as he calls him "darling" and even "Con" in that cut voice line (Ahem). Not to say this is inherently flirting, but definitely in certain contexts.

Another trait not mentioned in the list but very frequent is that those with HPD often think relationships are more intimate or special than they really are. In my opinion this happens during the Heart-to-Heart, should HK refuse to give him a Time Piece: "You're so persistently selfish [...] I brought you to stardom, and you won't share?".

Anyway, the thing about Cluster B in the medical field is that many symptoms described by professionals focus strongly, if not exclusively, on the negatives: how they hurt others, themselves, etc. There's rarely any discussion of how someone with a PD may have their PD manifest in cases where they've learned to use it for the better, usually with therapy and self reflection. So for this HC I kind of want to subvert that, so to speak? To me, Grooves is an embodiment of how one can employ HPD for good.

That is, he knows how important being a star is, and how important attention and love is for him, which is why he works so hard to bring that same feeling for HK. He puts a great deal of effort into giving her a taste of the movie star experience, and endorses her as "the next big thing" and an immaculate "diva" wherever possible. Seeing as he appears to be the star of his own movies a lot of the time, I would wager that he revels in that spotlight and simply chooses to give it to someone else out of kindness.

Because, like, there's this assumption that pwHPD are unable to stand that and, while this can be the case and even is, it's not impossible either for them to practice compassion and give others a "turn" with the spotlight. Okay this is long and ranty bye.