Tumgik
#i have work to do rn i shouldnt even be here
Text
"he loves him" ok true real
"he peels fruits and hand feeds him. he even twists his hand, causing himself discomfort to not cause his lazy ass any "
IM GOING CRAZY IM GOING CRAZY IM GOING CRAZY IM GOING CRAZY
feeding someone with his own hands??? no matter the inconvenience?? HE LOVES HIM
I GET IT NOW
I UNDERSTAND
HE LOVES HIM
3 notes · View notes
opens-up-4-nobody · 1 month
Text
...
#my dads back in ohio again so im back on my own. i still feel terrible but at least i have a plan#i have 2 weeks of this semester left. so i have to not fail my genomics exam and work on a group project plus grade a bunch#shouldnt be too hard but everything makes me so tired rn and i just feel this barrier between myself and everything else#even when my dad was here. i just dont kno how to feel happy. just varied levels of stress#but after the semester is over ill have to find a job for the summer. which super stresses me out bc i havent really had a real job outside#academia and im worried about how stressful ill find it bc im sure its gonna suck but at least i wont have to work on my project#i just think if i had a normal job that doesnt dominate every aspect of my life id feel a little less terrible. or at least i wouldnt send#myself spiralling so much. if i stay here i might not survive it#but what if ill just make myself miserable wherever i am? i dunno. but im gonna try to find a non academic job this summer with the epa or#maybe the usgs. i mean ive gota a bachelor's and a masters in environmental topics. that's gotta count for something#just get a government job. pray for a not terrible set of coworkers. and build something from there#it just sucks bc i feel like everythings falling apart and like i kno if i gave it my all i could pull thru and get my phd but im just so#tired of struggling against something everyone else can do. i just cant read at a level appropriate for what im doing#ugh. i dont wanna study for genomics. i just wanna sleep. i just wish i wasn't in this position#and now i a baby about it. i mean my sisters r in similar positions bc the youngest is currently looking for a teaching job. and my middle#sister is looking to move to new york city in the next 6 months and she'd be quitting her job for that. so we're all sorta in flux#i just wanna not be flailing. not watch my hopes and dreams collapse. be excited about anything. im just sad bc i have to make hard choices#even if i know theyre the right ones to make if i want to continue to exist. sometimes u cant have the things u wany.#and that sucks and i hate it. theme of the year: sometimes life sucks and theres nothing u can do abt it#unrelated
7 notes · View notes
hecksupremechips · 24 days
Text
Fucked up how happy I get whenever I make content of Shinjiro Aragaki being actually loved and getting to heal and learning to love the little things in life and getting to express himself. What’s up with that
#persona#shinjiro aragaki#hes the only one i really respect here#its like so annoying though that i even care like whats wrong with me why does this bother me so much#just cuz i see myself in this character and also feel like shit and idk when he doesnt even get to live doesnt get to recover#and this is treated as a good game with a profound theme and this is treated as good writing#its hard not to be hurt when its like. im barely hanging on man#and youre telling me he can be saved by someone noticing him and caring about him and he can get through it and be loved and try to heal#but this is treated as some sorta disservice to the narrative and that you cant have the theme work this way#its like. but this is the only way i can even feel anything about this theme this actually makes me wanna try#seeing the character going through mental issues like mine die just like. it makes things suck idk#and its like why do i even care like this shouldnt matter but idk its like#if he can make it then why cant i#and im just really attached to this and i really really want to make my fic of him exist cuz. nothing is going good for me rn#but if i can make this one thing thats important to me where someone gets to recover then maybe ill feel less helpless#its what im trying to tell myself so i can stop feeling like im. idk cringe or something cuz im emotionally attached to a fictional#character and the wellbeing of this character feels like motivation for me#i just wish i wasnt so damn desperate about it 😩#anyway can someone please slap me with a fish so i can stop being insecure about my writing and just fucking do it
5 notes · View notes
be-good-to-bugs · 1 month
Text
i need to stop staying up so late when i need to work the next day augggg
#the bin#i work at 11am at least so i do still have awhile till i need to get up#usually i work 4 hours earlier so im lucky i guess. not exactly tho bc i much prefer morning shifts but whatevs#i texted my sister today to ask if she can come this weekend but she didnt respond. hhh. im gonna be so mad if she says no#i just realized im abt to be out of cat food too so she HAS to comw at some point soon#it doenst even have to be the weekend. thats just the days she has off but if she can stop by anotehr time then thats fine#or if just her boyfriend can come drop stuff off and pickup her card then thats fine. but idk. i even offered to lend her gas money if my#next paycheck is enough to allow that. i shoudo get it tomorrow or the day afeyr so. well. hhhh.#i hope my paycheck isnt too bad. i think tips were pretty good recently so. maybe it wond be so bad. hhhh.#im tired of being stressed abt this stuff all the time. im really pissed at my sister rn too bc she just bought $40 worth of unnecessary#stuff. like. decor. while she still owes me $300 which i only lent bc it was for rent and i knew i wouldnt need it back for almost a month#but its been that time now and i need it back and instead of sensing it back she buys a $20 wall tapestry apparently#hhh. last yime i ever ever ever lend her money. im only gonna lend gas money bc i need her here soon. but she also needs to amde the trip#bc she has a card here to pickup. and theres several other reasons shes supposed to stop by. it shouldnt have to be my responsibility to#pay for that trip. hhhh.#im so glad i wont have to deal with her in a month
2 notes · View notes
kuiinncedes · 5 months
Text
fngfdjngjdfkng
#bro fucking stupid like why did i just not look at applying to masters until now#i'm so dumb like ig it was bc i ws just like i'm not gonna do masters im just gonna try to get a job#which like how the fuck am i supposed to do that lmao but#now i dont think i can even apply for masters at my school at least#bc i need fucking letters of rec and the deadline is the 15th#and i Barely have 2 ppl i would ask for letter of rec idek if the second one counts lmfao if she's not at my school#jfc im so why do i have to think about the future :c i just wanna do glowstick club things that's why i haven't been thinkign abt this lmfa#yeah so now i dont think i can do masters here :c which also means i dont have that as a reason to hang around and stay in glowstick clublo#i could still do that but#ugh whatever im trying to write a fucking cover letter rn for a job i hate this already i've barely done anything lmfao#i dont super understand the job description which is maybe a sign i shouldnt apply lmfao but it's like#data science w my year and i feel like i meet some of the qualifications so#just gotta somehow bullshit another paragraph of this cover letter together#i also dont even know if i actualy wanna fucking do a data analyst job like#i kinda wanna work for like a non profit or smaller org kinda thing all this shit sounds hella boring that i keep seeing for bigger#companies lmao which im not saying would no be the case for smaller but#idk i jsigsdfhjlbgpidwurhgbipwdhgfudjshlk why did i start this so late LMAO#i had a job opening that i was gonna apply for that looked pretty good and i felt pretty qualified for just based on the listing#and the deadline was the 15th but it fucking disappeared the job isnt there anymore ig im so sad lmfao#as;lkfngbjifbgqipurgipqhrgfipuaf i hate this :DDDDDD#jeanne talks
2 notes · View notes
acanthemp3 · 7 months
Text
its not easy being the least qualified most incompetent employee who is always fucking up but someone has to do it 🫡
4 notes · View notes
nerice · 2 years
Text
me: yeah im ok with having slashed the faye/raiu content in the main book also me: trying to keep normal brain function while rewatching the mkm/dnj mind control snail feed scene for the 500th time in the op
2 notes · View notes
qt-kt · 2 years
Text
I'm not even joking nothing makes me want to fully drop a hobby faster than someone else telling me "oh you should sell that" when I share what I've made
5 notes · View notes
radiotorn · 9 days
Text
having to restrain from saying anything when my dad dares to say that men get paid LESS than women. in what world. are you out of your fucking mind old man.
#ow.err#IN WHAT WORLD ARE MEN PAID LESS THAN WOMEN.#like. i shouldnt be surprised he said that bc he watched and/rew t/ate and jo/e rog/an so like. of fucking course he'd think that.#but like dude. you have no idea what youre talking about.#and there is NO WAY im gonna even try to tell him otherwise bc he is. loud. yk.#im just gonna. leave that there. bc its not my responsibility to 'fix' my parents as much as id love to try.#its just not my responsibility. and itll prob just end in me getting screamed at anyways since they wont listen to me or anything i say#cuz im still a kid in their eyes ! ! ! !!!! ! ! so cool ! ! ! ! ! !#almost 20. father doesnt think i know how to wake myself up w/o being woken up by someone else.#SO INSULTING BTW. i always get up on time. no matter what. nearly 20 and he thinks im a fking child still#both my mom and dad do but my dad does it in an 'underestimating' me way and my mom does it in a 'tries to overly coddle me' way#you know? i dunno. i dunno. i wanna move out but money is so fked rn. and idk how to do like. anything. so im just...#gonna do my classes and try to get a nice job and save up for awhile before i actually move out to my own place#im also kind of scared bc idk if ill have the. will to care for myself once i move out. like im worried ill just let myself die#sso. things to. work on before i get out of here i guess. but the thing is this environment will not let me heal. ahhh !!!!!!!!!#the only way out is through!!! through and scared!!!!!!!!!!!! tmrw marks the start of my life potentially starting to change. for the bette#but still changing. and oh man. im very nervous. its scary#cuz like. i didnt think id live past like 12 ??? so to be almost 20 and very behind on 'adult things' is. scary?daunting?#it all almost feels unreal. like im reaching a part of my life i never thought id actually reach. it feels like ive been living on#borrowed time since 12 so now im like. damn i have to live dont i. i have to actively make this life worth living now#some days i still worry itll be my last but ... im just gonna try to take it one step at a time. its all i can do.#be as prepared as i can. and take it one step at a time. i clutch onto the hope that my life will get better#and i clutch onto it with an iron grip. because damn it. it has to get better than this. it has to.#wow this got derailed. oh well my poast my rules.
0 notes
lovecrazedpup · 5 months
Text
i am going to kms
#having a like 2 minute cry bc he raised his voice and i feel awful ajdkbdksbdksb#it wasnt even an angry yell thing it was just an ‘shut up . stop it’ type yell ???? and im using yell very loosely here#it wasnt a yell but like a Louder Voice than normal#i didnt mean to make him feel bad idk i feel like an absolute piece of shit !!! i should die probably#i just asked if he wanted to get off with me n idk maybe i took the playful ‘fuck you wtf :(‘ type thing too far#i shouldve known tbh he said he was tired lol i probably shouldnt of asked in the first place#its fine i dont think he hates me but like ‘im sorry im tired okay ???’ was like ajbskbdksb im sorry i didnt mean to !!!#like i know how being pressured into that sorta shit feels and i feel so bad i rlly didnt mean to make him upset#maybe it was me talking that was annoying#idk im just stressed from everything today has been so bad#on a stupid family holiday when all i want to do is just be at home and play games and sleep in a house that i know is safe#and hes working now so we cant talk very much and i missed him so maybe i was talking too much#i feel awful man i just want to applogise non stop but i literally Cant Talk and it hurts abdskbdks#to him this probably isnt a big deal but ….#to me its kinda ??? like ive messed up ?????? he hates me now ?????? i made him feel like shit and that i only want him for sex ???? hhh#whatever idk im so tired i just wanna go home honestly#i want to restart the last 30 mins n literally just shut up#if only i could cut rn#jamie.txt
0 notes
snekdood · 6 months
Text
i just feel like if you cant debate someone w/o insulting them then you're kinda just using it as an outlet for all of your asshole-ness
#you shouldnt have assholeness inside you anyways but. if you do you probably grew up thinking its just like. socially normal#instead of idk. trying to get along?? theres no reason you gotta insult ppl esp for things they cant change#it also makes you look lazy in the way u argue#yes yes ik i call ppl dipshits a lot but to me its more of a 'im worried about u/ur wellbeing/ppl around u for u not knowing better'#rather than a:#'hah u idiot loser ur so dumb and im so so much smarter and cooler and faster than you heh' kinda thing that some ppl do 😒😒😒#ig that can be a bit patronizing but id prefer that over someone whos just an immature full-of-themselves asshole tbh#not tryna say its ok bc ppl dont necessarily know i mean it in that way when i say it but yeah. i dont think im the worst about this ill sa#that much and thats not the reason im posting about it. a looooooot of yall on here are waaaaaaaaay worse about it lmao.#i think we should all try to stop doing it. and that doesnt mean me trying harder than yall if anything yall need to try harder than me#oh and uh me telling you What It Is isnt the same as me insulting you. btw. at worst its patronizing when you Do know better#but otherwise im literally just trying to be helpful. even if it is snappy and said pettily sometimes 💁#at least i can rest easy knowing i tried being helpful rather than feeling like a self-proclaimed 'morally superior' egotistical jackass#💁💁💁💁💁#i dont know better! i know what i know and i work off of what i know and help people from where i come from and my own experience#i dont claim to know everything i dont stand on this rock claiming to conquer all that is to be known about it like some of yall do#i dont get on my high horse trying to preach to people abt How They Should Be Or Else They're Irredeemable (And Also I'm Perfect btw)#and if i ever do its for the least serious thing possible and im probably fuckin joking#and ig rn i am kinda doing a 'i do this better than you' thing but again its a#'i do this better than you. you should be able to do it as well as i do too or better. challenge urself to be better' thing rather#than 'haha look at me im so much smarter than you and better than you and more deserving! everybody praise me!!!' thing
0 notes
wildglitch · 4 months
Text
Spider-man x Batfam Prompt's
Ok so lately I have seen a lot of "Spidy goes to gotham and gets adopted fics" probably cause of Dark Matter by mysterycyclone cause like, duh, that fic is a goddamn masterpiece. But I feel like a lot of them are sort of the same thing with diffrent fonts ans it feels a bit saturated. Not all of them...but most of them.
Am I saying that there needs to be less of these fics? Hell no! Keep writing them please. I just feel like there could be more variety is all.
I suggest maybe try one of these ideas out
1: Peter going straight to the Batfam or other heros (dosent always have to be Batfam) and they try to work together on how to get him home, while slowly realizing "omg, your life is terrible! We want to help you, we do, but maybe we shouldnt and try to give you a better life here. Then its just a moral delema on what to do as they get to know the spider child.
2: maybe another Spider-man is the one that goes to Hotham like Andrew or Toby. Insted of being sent home at the end of NWH, they where accidentally sent to the DCU. Or maybe one of the Spider verse characters or a cartoon version of the character. Dosent always need to be Toms Spider-man.
3: on that same note. Please give more love to What If...Zombies Peter. You guys have no Idea the amount of angst and "haha, my world ended and im fine" potental there is. And you can have the other surviving member also be there as they look for eachother (characters that "survived* (no one survived that episode) are Peter, King T'challa, Scott Lang+cape, and Ig Bruce Baner/Hulk, and Bucky Barnes since we never saw them get turned or eaten) just think about Spidey and the Batfam investigating a lab or sometbing and all of a sudden they find floating head Scott in a crate. Everyone if scared shitless while Peter is crying tires of joy as he moves to hug the floating head. Think about that and tell me Im not on to something here.
4: Have the fic start our like halfway through. Maybe skip him getting to Gotham and have him be there for a few months already or something. This will help with adding more crack fics.
5: Maybe have the fic be that Peter is there for a while, he knows everyone, they know him, they might or might not know the identitys but they trust eachother. And Peter has been looking for a way home and he finally finds it! But... he accidentally brings some of the Batfam with him. So now its the Batfams turn to learn to live in the MCU with help of Spidy and they finally understand so much about him, how he lived, and vigilanties he knows (team red!) As they learn the history and pubilc opinion or Spider-man and the world.
6: Just a react to fic. Yk, those fics where they're stuffed in a room and forced to watch something? Yeah. Have the Dark Matter cast stuffed in a room and watch some MCU clips. It dosent even have to be some magic forth wall bull shit if you dont like that. In chapter 44, Peter and co. are said to be going back to the cave, and Peter still have is suit. Canonically, Karen records everything. Maybe Peter ends up so tired he dosent even want to try to explain everything. So he just hooks up Karen to the computer and and has her show them everything from the suits recordings to security cameras and news reports, to the memes and videos spiderman fans have made.
7: have the Justice League get involed cause "Hes to bright to be one of yours Bruce!" And have him be a honorary member of the league of have them put him on Young Justice. Peter gets adopted by Batfam? Yes. Peter becomeing Bffs with the Young Justice kids and actually forming normal relationships with kids his age? Also yes.
Do I have more? Probably but Im too lazy for it rn
If you for some reason use one of my ideas, pls tag me and maybe credit me for the original idea (but I mostly want to be able to find the fic if you do make it ( o_o) )
Who knows, I might just write some of these myself if I ever get the motivation lol
60 notes · View notes
hecksupremechips · 7 months
Text
Literally feeling sooooo horrible and hopeless oh boy 🌝
#theres just a lot of horrible factors rn that have built a perfect storm#canceled the internet to my old apartment months ago and then they decided to charge me for ‘not returning their equipment’#when ive literally tried to send it twice and get like no fucking direction from them#and i dont have anyyyy money right now#yesterday i was woken up at 10:30 by my dad who had to come home from work#just to move the car cuz these fuckijg. i dunno. gutter guys showed up and couldn’t do anything with my car in the way#i had no way of knowing theyd even be there but i checked my phone and had mean angry missed calls from my dad#all cuz i just couldnt be fucked to wake up earlier#this whole week ive been completely exhausted and i cant do anything as a result i cant focus i cant feel anything its all numb#my mother tells me shes gonna spend money that i guess she does just have ready to throw away on getting me diagnosed with autism#something i tried and tried to tell her for months that i dont need nor want and that its too much hassle#not to mention the price which all my parents do is guilt trip me for costing too much money everything i do that costs money is being cut#necessary meds are being cut off cuz its a waste of money even though insurance covers most of it#but they spend money on this and i just know. i know its gonna be used against me#that if i dont obey them theyre gonna bitch about how i cost them so much money on something i explicitly said i didnt want them to do#its all getting in the way of me just trying to escape now i have to take care of this i just want to cut them off but how can i do that now#i like to lie to myself thinking ill get a job but then i dont my dad yells at me every day for not applying to a job#he gives me big lectures on religion and how im failing and how i shouldnt trust anyone except family#ive gotten an excuse to avoid him last week and this week but its over now so im stuck here again#annnddd to top it off i found a fucking lump in my stomach who even fuuucking knows what it is maybe a hernia or something#so great now i have that to deal with what the actual fuck did i do to get that ughhhhhh#its just another thing forcing me to stay in this shithole it seems i wanna fuckijg bang my head until it explodes#i cant cry though i just want to cry so i can feel the relief but that wont ever happen again cuz im a worthless nothing robot#who feels nothing and does nothing and is nothing
1 note · View note
wooahaes · 1 year
Text
getting to know you
Tumblr media
pairing: non-idol!husband!joshua x fem(afab)!reader
word count: ~1.0k
warnings: mentions of giving birth/pregnancy/newborn baby (afab reader who is referred to as a mother). some postpartum depression notes. mentions of struggles with fertility. no proofreading, intentional lowercase. writer is going through some thoughts tonight lol
daisy’s notes: rare present tense daisy bc i think it works better here. sorry for a more emotional thing, i’m dealing with a lot of thoughts haha im almost 23 i shouldnt even be thinking abt having kids rn and yet.
Tumblr media
this... wasn’t the way things went in fiction.
with joshua out, you’ve had a lot of time to reflect. all you really could do from your hospital bed, curled up on your side, was just your newborn daughter as she slept peacefully in her crib. she has his nose, you think. maybe his eyes, too. truthfully, you hope she does. you’d always told joshua you hoped your baby would have his pretty eyes. she’s still so tiny, so wrinkly, but she’s alive and well and now she’s back with you again. a tiny part of you thinks that most mothers would be holding their newborn now, cradling that tiny life that you supported for so many months and falling more and more in love by the second.
yet... it hadn’t really clicked yet. you love her because she’s your daughter, the way that all mothers should, but...
it’s hard to say you love her past that, cruel as it may seem. the online forums told you that it was normal to not feel attached yet. you’d just gone through hours of labor with your husband’s hand clutching your own, you were exhausted. if anything, you should be using this time to rest until joshua comes back. although you’d already eaten by now (the soup the hospital had given you was actually delicious, but you still aren’t sure whether that’s because of the fact you were ravenous or if it was legitimately good), joshua had promised you a dessert of your choosing. a celebratory thing for giving birth.
(now that you're alone, you don’t think you really wanted him to leave yet. but he told you to rest before he left, kissing you one last time before keeping to his promise that he’d made months ago.)
a light knock at the door catches your attention, and in walks your husband with a bag and a gentle smile on his face. “i’m back,” he says, shutting the door behind himself. he comes over to your bed, gently kissing you once more before setting your dessert aside. “how are you feeling?”
empty. you look at your infant daughter again. i shouldn’t be. “tired.”
“it’s okay,” he says, making his way over to the crib. “i’ll watch her. you should eat and sleep, honey.”
he’s so gentle with picking her up, securing her in his arms and looking at her like she’s the most beautiful thing in the world (and she is, truly: you think she is, but you just wish you could feel more for her than what you do). he settles into a chair, and all you can do is watch your husband as he oh-so-lovingly gazes at the product of so, so much time. getting pregnant took so long, and you still remember crying with joshua when the test was finally pregnant (and again after your doctor confirmed it with a blood test, just to assuage your own fears that it was a false positive). in fiction it happens on accident, or after a few attempts. no one told you that you’d be trying for so damn long before your body did what you wanted it to do.
“it’s okay, you know.”
you perk up a little when joshua speaks, his gaze having yet to leave your baby. “shua?”
“you don’t have to be bonded to her immediately,” he says. he remembers the conversation the two of you had about a week ago about this same exact topic. what if i don’t love her yet? “she’s a new person. you didn’t love me before you knew me, right?”
he has a point. as did every single website you turned to in an attempt to calm yourself down during that treacherous countdown to giving birth. this is normal, they would say. not all parents bonded with their baby right away. and yet you can’t help but feel guilty that you’re another one of them, stuck watching your husband and your baby have the bond you wish you could already have. 
“we’re still getting to know her,” he says gently. “it’s okay.”
you let out a sigh, curling up on your side again--careful of your own stitches. the recovery process would be hell on its own (hell, you know whatever they gave you is wearing off more and more as you become acutely aware just how sore your body is), but your focus is just on you, your husband, and your baby. “do you love her?”
“that doesn’t matter,” he says. “i do. and i know you do, too. but she’s still a stranger to me, you know?” he stands, carefully making his way over to sit down next to you. “i love you,” he says. “i think she has your lips.”
“she was just born, shua,” you weakly smile as you lean into his side.
“like you haven’t been staring at her thinking about how she has my nose,” he smiles, too. the pains of having a husband so deeply in love with you that he knows your thoughts well by now... plus your previous conversations about what you thought she’d look like probably come to mind now, too. “i think,” he says, “she’s just as beautiful as her mom.”
what a sap, you think. but he’s your sap. “just as pretty as you, too,” you tease, cheek pressing against his arm. “she really does have your eyes, you know.”
“she’s ours,” he says with this warm, loving pride in his voice. he looks to you, still smiling so gently (and enough for the both of you, you think: he knows your struggling now), “i hope she likes us, you know.”
the thought makes you snort a little. “god, i hope so, too.”
376 notes · View notes
spacedlexi · 4 months
Note
sorry if this is a personal question ... 🐛... but what are you doing for college and how did you decide to go for it?
oof
Tumblr media
im going to school for animation but im realizing how much i love storyboarding specifically (and how little patience i have for full animating/not having the time i need to make animations that arent quick and stiff to meet a deadline (also i want adobe animate obliterated off the earth)). ive cried about how much i love boarding LMAO its that serious. but i love working with Little Guys and putting them in Situations plus theyre characters i dont have to make up myself?? im adapting a script?? but i might still be able to have fun with it? and as a lover of visual mediums i get really excited about being able to control a camera/composition for Maximum Emotional Effect, plus the idea of leading a viewer through a scene. knowing "rules" and breaking them with purpose. im in an editing class rn thats got me really excited aha
it was NOT an easy choice to make. im going back to school so late because i kept telling myself i shouldnt do it and should pick something non art related but well.... here i am.... (my mom kinda pushed the idea even tho the concept of going into art school debt keeps me up at night 💀)
i stumbled around community college for a few years hoping something else would Click for me but in the end i just kept taking art classes. i knew i would be miserable doing anything else. its still Work but its a kind of work i still derive enjoyment from even when im tired or frustrated. i think i would hate the academia world when it comes to my more scientific interests, and i dont have the patience to put up with the bs of being female presenting in a male dominated field like engineering (plus my math brain got broken by a bad calc teacher so...), so instead im taking those inspirations and using them for my art :) im a little engineer at heart so being able to apply that kind of thinking to my art inspires me (and i hope maybe something i make one day will inspire some scientists too lol). plus i dont think i would be happy if i wasnt surrounded by other artists
i doubt my choices every day 😭 but i really do love it a lot. im hoping that my passion and vision takes me SOMEWHERE in the industry, but its scary for everyone out there right now... i mostly try not to think about it honestly
Tumblr media
20 notes · View notes
fartface025 · 4 days
Text
every one brace themselbes for my voyager redesign. also do not interact if ur gonna talk in my ear about blackwashing she is a cosmic manifestation of outer space and if you even speak a word i might explode you. also having dark skin fading into stars and incomprehensible space stuff and having white freckles is too fucking cool.
first off i swear my hc page and my 6kaalaa manifesto and my medirion au followups are coming soon. but. rn. im thinking. also i got an award for human geo im fucking goated! but anyway. i like voyager as is by no means is this a ‘fix’. this is just. my thoughts. we sont know much abt her so we dont have the exact justifications for why she looks tjr way she does i think. but here r my thoughts.
so the idea was obviously make a manifestation of the cosmos. i think, though, that the main design objective that came with this was it had. HAD. to be a pretty anime girl that would sell well. eg. conventionally attractive, pretty, cool enough to be desirable by the anime fan playerbase. so, we got voyager, with cool dye job hair, standard anime girl face, nose and eyes, placid smile, and. clothes. regular person clothes. we did get hints of cosmic grandeur with the legs, granted, and glittery Woah that shouldnt. be on a guy. patterns, but theres really nothing mich that implies possibly horrorlike manifestation of the incomprehensible universe. this plan for anime girl who encompasses the universe came first, so this is thte first design plan im making. but sincr i wanna reimagine voyager in the confines of what bluepoch probably outlined to their design department, im gonna follow these rules instead of going ham.
WHAT DO I WANNA DO?
keep the elements of standard pretty anime girl while introducing more and more parts of SPACEGUY
make choices for the clothing that more closely align to space and BEING BEYOND THE COMPREHENSION OF BEAUTY IDEALS AND HUMAN CONCEPTS LIKE PRETTY CLOTHES (tldr shes gonna be naked in a formless way)
overhaul some of the color choices (ill try to keep the recognizable blue bair basically but. umm youll see.)
i have another design plan in the works: what i wouldve done if i had zero constraints about keeping exactly the anime girl look. and that completely redoes parts of voyagers character, but idk if ill ever post that. whatever.
IDEAS I HAVE RN:
dark dark skin. like really dark skin. lupita nyong’o skin but a bit darker. cool undertones well, actually that’s the goal, but it’ll be changed for readability. WHY? because: space is, well, dark. it is dark with flecks of coloration and pools of sparkly colors, and while voyager has the latter in spades, i wanna introduce darkness too. she will have dark skin, and her body will fade into formless stars and wisps of the nebula. but why really dark skin? because it rules and also if i added white freckles and little pools of different pigmentation it would show up as stars and nebulas.
afro that is half translucent like the bottom half of her body: it’s colored in the core but fades into you guessed it SPACESTUFF!!!! looks like a NEBULA RAHHHHH
clothes ? doesnt have them. shes formless baby idgaf. ik there r probably censorship laws about makinf nudity even if its ‘formless’. but idc. in any case, i’ll have a simple dress that flows off her that has no frills or defailing. just. a thing.
violin she can keep! thats cool! the only aspect of humanity is music and her form vaguely appearing humanlike.
15 notes · View notes