thought to myself u know what. i havent watched falsettos enough. so here's a couple things i noticed in my latest impromptu rewatch (rewatch number 52th probably?? 67th?) + just some nice bits n parallel that are always Good (tm):
"he loves another" "i agree" with ("-man") going unsaid
the chess games following trina's song about stupid men and their little games
"that's the king. please protect him" That's marvin saying "please protect me. don't hurt me"
whizzer moves the pieces randomly in the revival but i like to imagine he's actually beating marvin at the game in the end... and the whole thing was him pretending to not know how to play, and that hurt marvin's ego more than anything
"now marvin, bend" as a sexy moment but later gets re-framed as a "unwillingness to change perspective" moment
"nothing is everything to me / except sex / and money" in that money whizzer is playing to marvin's insecurity that he's only sticking with marvin for his money- is so needlessly cruel (and thus such... delicious character writing lol)
"and he loves me so" that "so" at the end is sort of a "loves me so much" but also a dare. he loves me, so what can you even do about that?"
"ask me if i love him, it depends on the day"// "do i love him?… no"
"son with a brain, and nice bright mother" showing mendel is like marvin (+ many, many men) and wants a wife half just to do domestic labor for him (goes well with the "washing your laundry, washing your socks!" line)
"he loves his father" // "i love things i never had"
"im everything he wanted" here trina finally realizes how she was such a insecure woman for such a long time and why she could put up with so much / settle for so little ("love me for what i am, not what i try to be" etc)
i love that "what ive done to you is rotten" is the slap to trina, is not taking to jason about his sexuality, and is Also telling trina and jason he "never ever, wanted to love" them. triple treat of bad parenting lol (but our man gets there in the end #bless him)
"a man kid, you'll be kid, whatever your song" the kind of reversed coming out metaphor of it all. ugh. so good!! (also i always cry at this bit bc... i will never have this with my parents :) rip haha whoops)
"pretty boys are in demand" just a good line for the whole gay men dying everywhere + the 'dating frenzy' energy of the era
"im not a giant man" /"good" // "one day i hope to be / as mature as my son who is 12 and a half / and this tall… that's all i want to be, that's all"
"we'll spent BILLIONS of dollars" and then the actual thing plays the way it does
"making the most pathetical errors" as a metaphor for marvin's arc…. making constant errors in love but making a homerun at the end
"should i take this new promotion OR should i take this IBM job?" is an amazing, anti-corporate lyric that fits greatly w/ the most explicitly political (likely authorial) song in the musical that, imho, shouldn't have been cut in the revival. in hindsight tho i imagine the revival people felt very proud and """progressive""" when they made that cut lol is very much a typical liberal move: "cant have true emancipation or revolutions but u cant have some \~upward mobility in the job market xoxo". also on the same vein, cutting the line "i'll change my life, and hire a maid" from the og "and fire the maid" like it's this huge feminist moment lol ughhhh hh
(other line-cuts that frustrate me… "it's queer, mr. marvin", "i could use a little drink" and "i just bought a family" . i feel w/ all of these they tooks some "edge" of the OG characters and kind of attempted to make them "nicer". but it really just makes them a little flatter, a little less real) ( and also some scenes just plain make less sense (marvin's drink line leading to his outburst)
(but bc it's not All Bad sdklfj in fairness, i belie the whole "why don't we tell him, that we don't have the awnsers? (…) this is the start to his becoming a man" bit - is SUCH a great part for mendel, it goes so hard and from what i remember is not in the original falsettos? correct me if im wrong but if it was a new addition in the revival, imo it's a huge improvement to the scene flow… and dare i say, brings the whole climax together, and spells out The Aesop for people who hadn't gotten it by the end of Act 2)
-"let me go, im not ashamed to have loved you" // "what's the matter trina, darling, why cant you let go?"
-"feel all right for the rest of your life" The Message of the play implicit in it.. "even if it's cut short"
"you save lives, and i serve chicken fat / i can't fucking deal wit hthat" / "maybe is not dumb the way this whole thing ends / the food tastes really yummy!"
"it's about growing up, getting older, living on a lover's shoulder" /"but i confess, you grow up, you get old, you hate less"
"the ground shifting, the rules keeps changing" and it's when the set changes for the first time!!! (/eats all my walls)
"isn't it enough i love you every night?" "who?" // "we had trouble parking, just like on our second date" "i hyperventilate"
"good men never fail" // "but i can't help but feeling i've failed " proving once again those machista lessons marvin learned when young were wrong.... it's clear that him showing weakness at that moment to whizzer was The Right Thing To Do. and what the moment called for.
"the last little mountain ill climb" sound of music ref? maybe?
i only wanted to love and not be blamed " // "who would i blame my life on?"
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hi! could i request a hawks x male/depressed reader? reader struggles to eat/get out of bed, mostly non verbal + struggles with executive dysfunction:) been having a rough time lately being stuck in a depressive episode and keigo really keeps me going LMAO
pls don’t feel pressured to write this if you don’t feel comfortable/able! <3
I hope you feel better! And of course, I’ll do it! I get it completely lol
╭₊˚๑Keigo Takami(Hawks) X Depressive reader﹕☁️₊˚
TW: eating struggles, Depressive habits
Anyone feeling like this just know it gets better and I hope this helps!
Word Count; 1.1k words
ִֶָ 𓂃⊹
For the past two weeks, maybe more—honestly, who is counting—you have been lying in bed. You've barely gotten up to go to the bathroom and eat. It’s not like you are sleeping. No, you are quite literally just lying in bed doing nothing. The energy it takes to grab your phone or even charge it is a lot, and the last time you checked, it was five percent. You know what caused this yet being in bed is causing more stress but you just can’t get up. Work, training, and studying. You are so behind on both yet you refuse to sit up and at least open a book.
“Baby?” You don’t know when this man went here, but he’s kneeling down in front of you. You glance at him, and he looks worried. God, you hate when he’s worried, especially when it involves you. “It’s been four weeks, You gotta get up.” So he’s keeping count, great. You use the energy you have to turn and face away from him but he quickly stops you. “Come on, talk to me at least what’s going on?” You just stare at him. He sighs and walks out of the bedroom. You bring the blankets over your head and let out a little sigh. He just walked out, he’s so over this and over you, you think. You don’t know how long you were under the blanket for overthinking but the heat is getting to much so you kick the blanket off you and you smell… food? It smells good but also nauseating, Your stomach growls and you realize you havent ate in a while. Keigo waddles back into the room, holding a try with pasta and water, he walks to the side of the bed you arent rotting on and slowly places the try on his lap. “Come on baby, sit up and eat.” You slowly sit up and rest your back on the headboard. He grabs the bowel and hands it to you, You take it and stare at it. “What’s wrong? Isnt this your comfort food?” You nod but still just stare at it. “You gotta speak to me baby, I can only know so much… are you nauseous?” You nod. “It’s because you havent ate, take a bite a promise youll feel better.” Keigo debates in his head a bit before grabbing the fork and bringing it up to your mouth. You take a bite and slowly chew, you let out a satisfied sigh and grab the fork from him and start eating. “Slow down!” he laughs.
𓂃⊹
After you ate Keigo had walked out to go clean up and wash the dishes, he had left the cup of water you without knowing avoided. You were just staring at it. Slowly but surly you grab it and start drinking it, the coldness felt nice and you ended up chugging it until there was only ice left. Keigo walked back in and quickly noticed the glass empty, he smiled looking at you and you smile back. He goes to the side of the bed you are on and picks you up, surprised you gasp and wrap your arms around his neck. “It’s alright baby.”
He brings you into the bathroom and the smell of the room hits you admittedly. Keigo had lit a Vanillia candle and it rest right near the sink. Next you notice the bath he set up, filled with bubbles and your hair products, face products and soup all set up. Keigo sets you down slowly and you look at him, “Hands up.” you listen and he takes off your shirt. You blush and cover yourself quickly. “It’s okay baby, youre beautiful.” slowly you put your arms down. “Do you want help with your shorts?” You shake your head ‘no’ and take them off yourself. “Alright baby hop in.” He takes off his shirt and you get into the tub, sitting down. Keigo runs out of the bathroom quickly and runs back in holding a cup? “Almost forgot!” You smile.
Keigo kneels down besides the tub and fills the cup full of water, “alright tilt your head back and close your eyes.” You listen and he wets your hair. When he thinks he got it wet enough, he grabs your shampoo and massages it into your hair. “Don’t fall asleep on me.” You giggle as he washes the shampoo out of your hair. He repeates and does the same thing with the conditioner, you fight back the sleep. “All done, now turns and face me.” you listen and he grabs your face cleanser, you watch as he puts some in his hands and rubs it on our face slowly, “what is I give you a soap mustache?” You shake your head no and he laughs, he wets a face cloth and gets all the soap off your face. With the same facecloth he rinceses it and puts your body soup on it, he slowly washes your body and you can’t help but avoid looking at him. “Oh don’t do that.” he whines and you look at him. Smiling he gives you a quick kiss.
𓂃⊹
You stand there shivering in a towel as Keigo runs back into the bathroom with a fresh new pair of clothes for you. “Do you want me to do it?” You shake your head ‘no’ and get yourself dressed, Keigo takes this as a win. He knows you have the energy and strength to walk back into the bed but he picks you up and beings you into the bedroom and softly puts you on the bed. He goes and grabs your brush and sits behind you, he carefully brushes your hair making sure not to hurt you.
“M’sorry…”
“Shh don’t apologize baby.” he kisses the top of your head. “I know everything is a lot right now, and I should have stepped away from work sooner and helped you.”
“It’s okay.”
“It’s not, I thought you just needed time but I ignored you for to long. Just know i’m here baby and I’ll aways be here.” He puts down your hair brush and pulls you onto him, he combs his fingers through your hair.
“You don’t hate me right..?”
“Of course not baby! Don’t make me laugh! Stuff get’s stressful I understand. I Love you and this won’t change that.”
“I love you so much.” You turn and hug him tightly.
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everybody plays the fool
pairing: remus lupin x fem!reader
request: not requested, just based on personal experience & struggles rn lol
warnings: fluff, angst, loving someone else who is in a relationship, hurt, unrequited love? kinda?
note: recently experienced this with someone very important to me so super slay! some of these quotes are exactly what he said, which is kinda funny to use them in a fic. anyway, enjoy your early christmas present since i havent posted in 9 months!!!
remus lupin was not a bad person by any means, no, but at the present moment, you wish he was so you had some kind of 'backup' for your hurt.
you and remus had been close for a number of years, your relationship flourishing once you joined the order. he was very protective and observant of you, ready to jump into action if you needed his help - but he was not overwhelming. he respected you, that much was clear, and if you needed him to care for you, he'd be there in a heartbeat.
his standing with romantic relationships was something that you were not always 100% clear on, and you never pushed him to clarify or share that part of his life with you. but members of the order had told you of past partners, and to your knowledge, he was single - and life was good. you felt comfortable being a bit more flirty with him and hanging around him more often than usual. remus never seemed to mind and was glad to have you around, and your heart fluttered like a golden snitch.
well, up until you found out he had a girlfriend.
when word had spread, you backed off immediately. flirting with him, making suggestive comments, and of the sorts was no longer your place, and while it stung, you respected it. ruining a relationship was not on your bucket list. but really, you shouldn't have worried too much about yourself.
remus had been showing you around grimmauld place, as sirius typically had old photos of their younger selves, and when you had discovered a bunch of old polaroids of the marauders, remus was quick to delve into his past at hogwarts. you ran your thumb over the photos, fondly looking at the group of boys.
you glanced up at remus, "i have to say, rem, this photo looks nothing like you," a soft laugh escaping your lips.
remus chuckled, "that was when i was young, y/n, full of hopes and dreams, handsome. you missed my prime."
you laughed along with him, but you sensed part of words held a bit of truth behind them, "i feel robbed of not being around during your prime, with the way you describe it."
remus shrugged, a sigh escaping him, "yes, well, that was when i used to be somewhat attractive and before all of this madness."
the words slipped before you could stop, "in a non-weird, platonic way, you're still attractive so don't let time control your happiness and contentment with your life, remus."
he blushed from your words, smiling lightly, "in a non-weird, platonic way, i kind of like that you said that."
you looked at one another, your lips mindlessly swiping over your lips. remus cleared his throat, "I'm sorry, i shouldn't have said that-"
you shook your head, "no, i overstepped - i'm sorry if i made you uncomfortable..."
it was now remus's turn to shake his head, a soft smile on his face, "we both apologized, so i think we're even, darling. I'll see you at dinner."
after that first encounter, you decided to put some distance between you and lupin; you had figured it was the best option in avoiding any kind of awkward tension. and, for the most part, it worked. there were a few instances where you had to interact, but it was for the order and while things weren't necessarily awkward, it settled your mind.
soon enough, christmas had rolled around and yourself, along with the rest of the order and the kids, had decided to spend the holidays at grimmauld place. the house was bustling with such positive, happy energy and it was exactly what you needed.
remus and yourself were currently outside on the steps, sitting down as you people-watched. it was quite calming, had you not been a bit anxious considering it was your first time being alone with him in a while.
"so," remus started, "how have you been? i feel like we have not seen each other in a while."
you turned to him, smiling lightly, "good! currently doing a lot of raids for the ministry and sometimes that includes sleeping outside and just waiting. not ideal, but it's...life."
remus raised his eyebrows, "that's hell! you deserve better than that - do you have anywhere to sleep, like a tent?"
you shrugged, "sometimes we can conjure one, other times we decide to wait it out."
playing with his fingers, remus blew out a breath, "i'd say i would join you, but considering we spend enough time together here as it is, I'm not sure that it would be as fun."
you shook your head, "you said it yourself, we haven't seen each other in a while - it would be a blast having you there, if it weren't for the ministry." remus smiled at your reply.
soon enough, remus and you fell into a routine whenever you both were at grimmauld place: talking a stroll outside, sharing stories about your childhoods and memories that held importance, before heading back inside for the night.
you were incredibly thankful for grimmauld place. it had become a home, somewhere to rely on if you just needed some bustling of life, socialization, or love. tonight, an important quidditch playoff was on, and soon enough, the adults were becoming tipsy due to muggle alcohol.
you wouldn't have taken any action if remus's girlfriend was around, but she wasn't, so you took this opportunity to help the lycanthrope upstairs and into bed.
"remus lupin, you party animal," you chuckled, helping him discard of his shoes and vest. his face was a bit flushed as he laughed, "y/n, i-i don't want to-to be, but if i must."
with a snort, you shook off remus's vest, "even when drunk, you're still able to form coherent, intelligent sentences. here," you paused, placing some muggle ibuprofen and water on his bedside table, "take care of yourself for tomorrow morning."
remus gave a slightly-drunken smile, "thanks for taking care of me."
you folded up his vest, placing it on a chair in his bedroom, "of course, anything for the best guy around."
he groaned, "you don't have-have to say that, it's not true."
in your head, you sighed, 'oh merlin, please do not a self-pity drunk, remus.'
you sat down next to him on the bed, "rem, I'm not sure where that thought came from, but you are an amazing guy - you're the best. none of this negative self-talk, okay?"
remus laid back, eyes glossing over, "i'm sorry if i don't live up to that all the time, if i changed your perception of me."
you leaned over, grasping his hand, "remus, life isn't about keeping score or living up to expectations. it's about loving the way that you are living and as long as you are happy, that is the most important thing. be kinder to yourself, rem."
remus sighed, holding onto your hand a bit tighter, "ah, I'm just rambling...but y/n, i appreciate you, genuinely. i love you."
pang.
you gave a saddened smile, but hid it well enough that he didn't ask questions, "i love you too, remus."
remus then began giggling to himself, hiding his face between his hands. you laughed as well, unsure as to why, but he had brightened your gloomy feelings immediately. with a squeeze of his hand, you questioned remus, "what's got you so giggly, lupin?"
he laughed softly once more, "just-just thinking about the time i slept at the top of the astronomy tower."
your eyebrows raised high with surprise, "excuse me? when was this, and can we do it at some point?"
remus nodded his head excitedly, "of course, darling. it-it was a few years ago, yes, but quite fun! but, i should warn you - it gets veryyyy chilly up there." his eyes went wide, as though remembering the cold, and shivered. you tightened the blanket around him.
with a smile, you continued, "no worries, we'll bring our fair share of pillows and blankets, don't worry, rem."
remus looked over at you, his drunkenness slowly leaving his body, "can we share, y/n?"
as if you'd say no.
"of course, remus, whatever you'd like."
"hmm, no pillow wall."
you raised an eyebrow, "pillow wall? for what, rem?"
he hummed, "to separate us, but we don't need one...i like it when you call me that, rem."
your face flushed red, but hope he didn't notice as he continued, "i tend to get hot in the middle of the night."
'don't agitate the conversation, don't encourage it.'
"well, rem, unfortunately i'm the exact opposite and i get cold in the middle of the night."
remus softly chuckled, playing with your fingers, "oh, so you may need help to warm up? you know, you could always get warmer...there are certainly some ways."
shit.
you sighed, a sad smile on your face as you brushed remus's hair back, "get some sleep before you say something you might regret. goodnight, rem." and with that, you left the room in a hurry.
you cried that night, upset and angry at yourself for playing into his drunken flirting and suggestive tones. he clearly didn't know what he was saying, but you did, and took advantage of that. ugh, you hated how that made you feel. he had a girlfriend who he loved (you assume), and what you said and suggested...oh god, how were you two going to be friends?
remus awoke the next morning, aware of what he had said. if he was being honest, he knew what he said to you as he wasn't really that drunk. and he knew once you were aware of that fact, you'd be even more upset at him. getting out of bed, remus was met with the smell of tea, which wafted through the house until he saw you outside on the steps, knee bouncing nervously.
the lycanthrope met you outside and without looking behind you, you knew who it was. remus sat down beside you, tonks on his mind as he tried to formulate what he was going to say. nymphadora was his priority, his girlfriend, his love. but why did he do this to her, to you?
"how're you feeling this morning? any hangover symptoms?" you questioned, just trying to move past the awkwardness.
remus shrugged, "i feel fine, believe it or not. how are you?"
you bit your lip, "okay. didn't get much sleep, wasn't able to shut my brain off." or your tears.
remus glanced at you; you looked exhausted and with the fresh-looking bags under your eyes, he knew you cried. and with that knowledge, his heart panged.
you took in a shaky breath before whispering, "are we okay after last night? i-i couldn't sleep because of it."
remus sighed, nodding his head, "i couldn't either, darling."
you cringed, and he noticed.
remus continued, "it's not on you, y/n, it's on me, and i'm sorry. it was a shitty thing of me to do."
you looked down, your fingernails becoming the most interesting thing in the world, "I'm sorry, too. i shouldn't have continued the conversation. it's not all on you, rem."
remus looked towards you but your head remained down, "y/n...i-i think we both went with it but it got real at some point but i did that." he paused before continuing, "let me take responsibility."
you furrowed your eyebrows, meeting his eyes once you looked up, "remus, you were drunk, i fed into your drunken conversation-"
he interrupted you, "if we're being honest, i wasn't that drunk. let me be better, y/n, please."
your heart ached as it shattered into pieces, trying to mend itself back together. he wasn't that drunk when he said those things to you last night? you became increasingly confused, upset, angry, heartbroken. this man had worked his way into your heart, becoming not only a true friend, but someone you loved. and when a flirty conversation began taking a turn, he knew exactly what he was doing, saying.
but you couldn't have him, and the way this conversation is headed, you would never.
"i just want us to be okay," you whispered the half-truth, wishing you could say what you truly wanted from him. that you wanted him.
remus grasped your hand before letting go as he felt you tense, "you are not in the wrong at all, y/n. we are more than okay."
with a nod, you bit your lip once more, "just-just let me know if i overstep, okay?"
the lycanthrope looked over your face before turning towards the street, "i wanted you to overstep last night, y/n, so take that worry and throw it away. i truly wasn't that drunk, and what i said - what i did - was unfair and selfish, and i won't do it again."
you wanted to sob. he wanted you to overstep, to break his resolve concerning you and his current relationship. remus lupin may not have been entirely sober but he was aware of what he wanted, and he doesn't deny it. this was his way of moving on, of validating your feelings and hoping it wouldn't affect anything. he'd get past it, he had to. he loved nymphadora.
but you loved him. remus lupin gave you thousands of butterflies in your stomach to the point where it made you nauseous. you showed up to grimmauld place more often than you liked just for the off-chance of seeing remus. your autonomic body functions shut down and your palms became increasingly sweaty at the thought of him. you were enamored with remus lupin, but he was enamored with someone else who he didn't see as often as you.
you were the fool in the game of love. you were there as a convenience.
you wanted to tell him that you loved him, that thinking of him made you nauseous - but in a romantic way. you want to know what it is like to kiss him, to wake up next to him, to say "i love you" in a romantic sense.
before you realized it, tears began running down your cheeks. remus turned you towards him, wiping your tears. you felt as though you were going to be sick.
"i'm sorry i made you cry," he whispered, remorse and guilt heavy in his tone. he knew what you were feeling.
you shook your head, making remus move his hands as you wipied your tears, "ugh, no, emotions are just dumb."
remus sighed with a nod, "that they are, and they get us into trouble."
your mind was racing.
he continued, "but having and expressing them is the most important thing any of us can do. whether we are overstepping or not." more tears began to flow as remus finished, "that's why everyone loves you so much; emotions are your superpower. i love working alongside you, and knowing you, y/n. truly."
with a tear-ridden face, you turned to remus and gave him a sad smile, "thank you, remus." with a pause, wondering if you should say anything else, you continued, "I'll see you inside."
before he could say anything else, you went inside and up to your bedroom, the covers becoming your comfort and safe place for your tears.
you were utterly in love with remus lupin, but he was utterly in love with nymphadora tonks. and while you guessed that remus knew your feelings towards him, he had an obligation to her, history with her, and you'd never compare. you wanted to overstep, but doing so would be wrong. you knew that time would pass, that you'd get over remus lupin eventually, but at the moment, he owned your heart while he loved someone else.
you assumed, that everybody plays the fool at some point in the game of love.
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