#i hope someday i can feel genuine love and support and safety

[hatake]

something that really sucks about prolonged loneliness is feeling so desperate for emotional intimacy and then also so closed off to it because you're used to the isolation. it's an exhausting circular pattern and i hate it.

[bsgpiece]

How will the final months of pregnancy be and how is the crew's reacting to the baby coming soon?

Yayyy, let's slowly get back to answering questions 🥰 LONG POST SORRY

I have a few doubts myself about how it would be at the end, but here we go!

I do think everybody will be very excited for a baby in the crew! I can totally imagine they all reunited wanting to name the baby and competing over the best names (not that Nami or Sanji would pick any of them), who would become the babie's favorite uncle or aunt and things like that.

Until the third trimester they'd be only picturing the good stuff, like, what bad could a baby do?

It's so cute and fun!

As time flies and her body changes, belly getting bigger, Nami will start to have normal limitations for advanced pregnancy, and the crew will spare her from too much effort or stress.

I imagine her feeling guilty about it at first, thinking she's slowing down the crew and giving them extra work (not that anyone actually thinks something like that), and try to compensate doing a lot of extra stuff!

Of course it won't last longer, and Sanji will show her how the crew only cares about her and that it's perfectly fine she's not the same anymore. She doesn't have to be.

She's changing, they're changing. Their lives will never be the same anymore! And you know what? It couldn't be better! They couldn't be happier together and the crew knew and cherish that.

As the due date comes closer and closer, Sanji and Nami will get really anxious about some serious questions: is the sea a safe place to raise a baby? What if Nami goes into labor, is the ship a safe place for it? Should they stay the next months or even years in some island? Start new lives? Give up being pirates?

They knew the crew would support any decisions they make, but it wouldn't be easy.

I can't decide which way they'll take, but I don't think they would leave the crew. Perhaps go back to the east blue? Stay there for the first months or year? Maybe that's more likely.

At the end I believe they'll trust Chopper to help delivery the baby (and I imagine all the crew making big efforts to equip the ship with everything he'll need for that), but at the same time try to go near the coast of an ally territory in case of need.

The crew will definetely be by their side in everything, wanting to make sure the baby arrives in safety. They would never blame Sanji or Nami for changing the crew's dynamic or something like that. They'd be all genuinely happy for them.

I honestly think Sanji and Nami will eventually realize there's no safer place then being around the strongest pirate crew on Earth lmao and just trust their nakamas to protect them.

HOWEVER

I do believe this will be a breakpoint for all the other strawhats changing perspective about their lives and maybe thinking about different lifestyles they may want, settling down and having their own families. Not all of them at once, but maybe, just maybe, they'll slowly start looking for what will comes after piracy.

Here's one last sketch of Sanji and Nami waiting for their lovely daughter

Thanks if you read until here! I love everything about Sanji and Nami, sharing my ideas and headcanons like that makes me really happy. There are so much detail to talk about yet! Hope I can get to it someday.

Anyone feel free to ask me anything, I'll answer everybody, just might take a little time 💕

[littlewomenpodcast]

I would love it if you made a chapter about how Jo and Laurie fed each other with harmful ideas of gender roles, since Greta Gerwig fucked that up, too

Thanks. @mysoftboybensolo and I chat about it in the third season of the podcast. I will post the transcript to tumblr as well.

We went quite deep how Jo feels that marriage is not for her because she has been told that you can either choose marriage or career, and even when she has hopes that "someday I can find somebody who loves me the way I am and supports my career", Laurie proposing her and basically giving her all the reasons why the two should not marry, makes her feel that the combo that she wants is out of her reach.

Laurie sees Jo as a safety net where he can fall back on, and she always says yes to him, but Jo is so frustrated with him. She fears that the only way a man can love her is if she is the maternal figure, and it is a genuine fear since she is maternal and loves boys, but also shows how misguided she was when she saw Laurie using women more as his "play things" and participating on that herself thinking that that is what (other “feminine”)women were only good for.

but, yeah this topic is something I will probably rant the rest of my life. Both Laurie and Jo deserve their character arcs portrayed in the films rightful ways.

[fe-husband-heaven]

Thanks to popular demand ;) Part two is here!!

Ehuehuehue of course, with the quote I think lands them on the list!

Part 2! Of Heroes I think have a thing for the Summoner:

Henry:

"You won't die, will you, Summoner? If you died, I'd have to invent a horrible new hex for whoever killed you. So just...stay alive, OK?"

Henry is genuinely sweet. So long as you're not on the wrong side;; He gets attached if you're kind to him so he's at your every beck and call rather quickly, even if you say he doesn't have to do your chores, he insists on it.

ZHDBDDH he's extremely protective, not in an overbearing fashion but more that anything that messes with you, messes with him. He's learned to keep his face in an eternal smile but he prefers to see that yours are real :')) Sweet boy

Henry and The Summoner end up just being known as that duo. As in Do Not Separate. (Mostly because leaving Henry alone to his own devices is asking for trouble) but also, Henry just likes having you with him during his shenanigans nyaha

Raven:

"Glad to fight for you. Long as it doesn't get in the way of...well, never mind." "Need me? Just say so."

"But now, none of that matters. I've come to my senses after watching you at work here. Does any of that make sense? If not, forget I said anything. I'll still fight hard for you."

Veterans of this blog...yall know know. This man is the start of it all djxjdj

Homeboy gave up his revenge, choosing instead to fight for you rather than a past that's haunted him.

Raven's a bit of a bodyguard, with his resting angry face, he scares off anyone who might approach you whenever you're with him. And he can be quite impulsive so if he thinks someone's upset you, he's out to pick a fight.

Hnnnnghgh my boy💖💕💖

Ephraim:

"I will fight. To bring peace to this world, and for your sake, too." || "You know, I like you. And I feel I can trust you completely."

"I will protect you. Just believe in me and follow my lead." || "I'll protect you. I don't want to lose anyone else."

"I'm thankful that the two us can spend this winter festival together. It means a lot to me."

Ephraim💙💙💙hnnnnngh, I love him so much!! And he's constantly going and on and on about how he's going to protect the summoner. A loaded statement considering how much he already has to protect ;)

Ephraim is a bit oblivious though, he has no clue he likes you himself. And he won't know until he's made to think about it by someone else. It's just something he's never worried about.

But his behavior makes it clear to others. Ruffling your hair, escorting you nearly everywhere and even having you nearby as he sparred with other heroes. It seems as though him and the summoner are inseparable!

He's just as protective as the Henry and Raven but Ephraim runs off of his instinct to protect you rather than than being pissed off at someone who upset you.

Yarne:

"You always look so busy. Why don't you take a break and pet my fur? I hear that it's pretty relaxing."

"I'm not big on danger, but I don't want to see you go extinct, either. On the battlefield, you stay behind me, OK?"

like Libra, HIS ENTIRE LVL 40 CONVO: "Hey, Summoner...Did you notice? I didn't jump when you spoke to me. I heard you coming. Lately, I catch myself listening for your footsteps, wondering where you're going...If you ended up getting attacked, summoners would go extinct! And I'd be pretty lonely. If you're ever in danger, shout my name, or just make a loud noise. I'll hear it and come running! Thanks to you, I've gotten plenty strong. Now I can protect you! Thanks for giving me the courage to help."

Bro...the footsteps thing is so cuuuute! The fact that he recognizes them...aww! ++Offering up his fur to be pet?? Absolutely superb-

Yarne's fear of going extinct is always something he's struggled with but he's willing to push through it to keep you safe. He's a sweet man who places the summoner's safety at the same level as his own. And that's why I think he absolutely deserves a spot on this list!

Lucius:

"I feared that you'd lose respect for me if you knew the truth—or would even be repulsed. I do such good works that I shouldn't allow myself to care, but when it comes to you...I do. I put myself in your hands. Will you like or loathe me? But know this, you will have my loyalty."

Lucius is so sweet and caring and very supportive of the summoner, my poor boy doesn't even care about whether or not you'd shun him, just that you know he'd support you regardless.

dndnxnx I can definitely see him falling for the summoner but feeling no need to divulge it to them juuuuuust yet. He's very much content with simply being near the summoner so he doesn't think all that much about revealing any feelings.

Of course, he's incredibly attentive so if the summoner falls for him...he'll know. But even then, he'll wait for them to come to him. Patiently. As long as he has to.

Valter:

"I will master you. Someday."

"You are mine now. Entertain me! More!"

"I do take what I want. I'll take whatever I desire. From anyone. Knowing this, you have made use of me. And you have granted me much power... I cannot understand your actions. Do you intend to control me? Or do you long for me to be your master? Either way, you have become my finest prey. I will not permit another to sate their bloodlust on you...Just me."

I said the ones who have a thing for the summoner, not whether or not it was a BAD thing cjcnfnfnxn

Hoo boy. Possessive and obsessive is the name of the game in this wheelhouse;; though it's a little strange when it comes to Valter. He has a very calm demeanor (most of the time) when speaking to the summoner as opposed to his manic state in batttle.

My reason for putting him on this list is the clear "This one belongs to me." attitude cjfjdjd I have a feeling that he has no issue getting to use his lance against any of the summoner's "admirers"

Gaius:

"Here to beg more candy off me? I'm not sharing this one, though— it's my favorite right now. Packed with sweet, sweet honey...Hm? You don't want candy? You got work for me, then? ...No? Wait, you're not just here to spend time with me, are ya? 'Cause that'd make you a big ol' marshmallow. Only softies try to build relationships up for their own sake. And here you are—soft as cotton candy. Heh. I changed my mind. Take the honey candy. No reason—just my way of saying thanks."

Isn't this SO cute?? Gaius, the king of all things sweet and sugary, giving his favorite candy to the summoner because they just want to spend time with him....how cute!!

He's such a softie for them and it's adorable! If anyone's being led by the nose here, it's Gaius. But without the summoner knowing how positively melt able Gaius is💖💖💖

Gaius isn't a mean guy by nature but I think him giving away his new favorite candy is a clear sign of a particular fondness.

Narcian:

"I'll make you regret that you picked a fight with me, Narcian! One day I'll make you kneel. Then I'll pet your head like a little kitty—and keep you at my side forever! Ha ha ha ha!"

Is this one surprising to yall? jddjdj its really just the kitty at my side part that makes me think it heheheh. Narcian thinks of Narcian first and such, he is deserving of the best.

And of all the fleas that drown in his brilliance, he has deemed you the best in suiting him. (ꈍᴗꈍ) Isn't that lovely?

In his lvl. 40 conversation, he mentions that the summoner has said he's full of himself so...this is 100% a dynamic of the summoner being tired of his crap and the guy who thinks this summoner belongs to him fjfjfjfj

Shigure:

"I'm glad you've come to see me. Do you want my company on a mission? Or perhaps to just look for a rainbow. I do enjoy being by myself, but spending time with you is also quite relaxing. Perhaps it's because... You're not the chatty type. I have grown fond of you. I hope you'll remember me even after we one day part ways. Nothing would make me happier than if every time you glance at the sky or hear a song, you think of me. Perhaps it's a bit selfish for a mere Hero to ask for such a thing from a Summoner, but it's simply how I feel. And I thought you should know."

"I don't like singing for an audience. Unless, of course, that audience is you. You are often in my thoughts."

"Would you walk with me sometime? You could tell me more about this beautiful world and about yourself as well."

So I counted, and Shigure has asked the Summoner like 5 times if they'd like to go somewhere or do something with him fjfjfjdn And he's asked them not to forget him, it seems that he wants to remain imprinted in their thoughts.

There's a bit of a calm but melancholy air in this dynamic sometimes. But it switches to a light environment when he speaks about going for rides on his pegasus with the summoner. :') Dhdjfj isn't it a cute idea to go on a flying date??

Shigure is sweet and is even willing to sing for the summoner, so long as they are the only one to be his audience. He's got no qualms about sharing his voice with the summoner and its "Got a thing for the summoner" worthy (ꈍᴗꈍ)

Chrom:

"Aren't you cold? I wouldn't be much of a Hero if I let our summoner collapse. Here, take my cape."

"If you're ever in trouble, just call for me. Wherever you are, I'll come running with the wind at my back."

"You spend time with me. You're by my side, cheering me on. You make me stronger. That...makes me happier than you can guess. I'm truly grateful. I'll do what I can to do the same for you."

Hxhxhx im a sucker for the "Take my coat" trope. He's so supportive and an absolute sweetheart, baring his heart out to the summoner. He speaks a lot about how nothing will ever break his and the summoner's bond too!

He mentions it constantly! In fact, in his lvl.40 Bunny Version Conversation, he paints (a bad) portrait of the summoner on a festival egg and writes a poem on the other side about how much he values the summoner's presence.

He's absolutely intent on displaying how much he cares about his bond with the summoner and it's a very sweet dynamic. He's eager to show how much he cherishes them and that's the easiest way to end up on this list xjxhxhxh

[honeybeesiness]

Hi there, I'm loving everything you've written so far! If requests are open, could I ask for Dragon & Phoenix x reader headcanons, please? I hope you have a lovely day!

waaagh, thank you so much! your nice words mean a lot more than you realize, so arigatou gozaimasu!!

and sure thing! i got Dragon & Phoenix not too long ago and i was pleased to discover that he is a very good boy!! so i hope you enjoy these :)

and sorry that this took awhile! school's been kicking me in the ass and i've been feeling down lately ;;.

‎

Dating Dragon & Phoenix is like....

‎‎

....A bright summer day. Dragon & Phoenix is naturally a very happy guy; His smile resembles the sun and is full of warmth, and thankfully enough for you, you get to see it quite often. His joy is infectious, so you can count on him to make your day whenever you need it. You are his pride and joy, so it is his responsibility to make sure that you are doing your very best. To add onto that, Dragon & Phoenix (let’s just call him Dragon, shall we?) is the type of guy who would instinctively want to show you off. He would never, ever brag about having a significant other, but he would instead talk for ages about how cool you are to anyone who would listen. He’s an honest man, so he wouldn’t be afraid to admit anything to his peers, which can be embarrassing on your part if he brings up a topic that you’d rather keep hidden. If you voice your distress, Dragon is sure to listen to you without fail, because your words are very important to him. He wouldn’t want you to feel uncomfortable or anything, so please speak up! If you’re shy, then you have to make an effort to be more vocal about how you’re feeling. Dragon is not the best at reading and recognizing body language, so if you don’t say something, then how else would he know that you’re feeling a certain way? A relationship takes two to work, after all! ‎

....A knight in shining armor. Dragon & Phoenix is incredibly protective of you, even moreso in comparison to his friends. If he’s not on your main team, then he will insist on trading places with someone on the aforementioned team regardless of his level or Spirit Power. He wants to be near you in the face of danger, not sit at home, worrying to death about you. If you do add him to your main team, or if he’s already on it, then great! He’ll stick to you like glue, and will always prioritize your safety in case of a Fallen Angel attack. Dragon will actually want to hold your hand when the both of you are out and about for many reasons. Being in contact with you lets him know that you are still there, for starters, but it’s also so he can protect you by pulling you out of harm’s reach if the time ever comes. If you do get injured, however, then Dragon will go to the ends of the earth to eliminate whoever dare harm you. There is absolutely no way that he’ll allow anyone to hurt you, so when you’re under his care you know you’re in good hands. But because of this desire to protect you, Dragon & Phoenix can be hard on himself. If you get hurt, yeah he’ll kill whoever did it to you, but he’ll beat himself up about not being able to prevent it from happening. He’ll blame himself for not being good enough to save you, and will push himself even harder so he can better defend you. If you aren’t sharp-tongued, then reassure him softly that nothing was his fault. He’ll listen to you. He always does. ‎

....A golden retriever in human form. Dragon & Phoenix is a sweet, sweet boy. His natural easygoing personality makes him easy to get along with, but his tendency to be blunt can be off-putting. But his personality is rather stable, so if you’re not good with change, then you wouldn’t have to worry about it. Dragon & Phoenix likes to share things with you, and is very attentive to your likes and dislikes. If you mention your fondness for a particular book series, then he’ll scour your house to see if you have it, and if you don’t, he’ll go to the store to buy it and come back with his arms completely full. He wants to be interested in what you’re interested in, and he wants to know why you like what you like. What is it about the flowers planted outside your restaurant that you find so appealing? Why do you have a preference for this food but not this food? Why do you enjoy decorating for any upcoming holidays? He wants to know everything about you because everything that makes you you is so fascinating. Dragon would also like to tell you about things that he personally enjoys. He’ll tell you the story of how he got the title of “Hegemon-King” with enough enthusiasm to last decades, and he’ll share with you all the things he’s learned on his travels and adventures, all while promising you that he’ll take you to these extraordinary places someday. Dragon & Phoenix always keeps his promises, so you won’t be disappointed. ‎

....A scrapbook of memories. I don’t think that Dragon & Phoenix would be good with someone that isn’t very honest with their feelings, or someone who isn’t genuine. I feel as though he is the type to trust very easily as well as open up very quickly to those he loves, which leaves an opening for someone to take advantage of him. Even if his heart is broken many times, I don’t think he’ll ever catch on as to why it’s happening, and will blame himself for not being good enough for the one who left him in pieces. He’ll keep making the same mistakes over and over again without a clue as to what went wrong. But hopefully, just hopefully, you won’t be one of those people, and if you aren’t, then he will forever be grateful. Dragon & Phoenix is very appreciative of what he has and will never submit to the sin of greed because he’s happy with where he’s at. With that being said, I can imagine him thanking you quite often for everything that you do. If you help him clean his sword, he’ll thank you. If you brush the tangles out of his long hair, he’ll thank you. If you tuck the child Food Souls in at bedtime, he’ll express how grateful he is that you care so much about them. He loves everything about you no matter how small and obscure, and will always, always be there to support you through thick and thin.

[universallongings]

Top 5 Jimin and Tae moments, Top 5 things you want to eat/drink in WDW in June, and I'm stealing yours so Top 5 reasons our friendship is the best

Top 5 Jimin and Tae Moments

1. Literally everything about Malta: It was my first real introduction to them in the video you sent me, and everything I watch from it or learn about it makes me lose my mind a little bit more. It’s just the purest example of what it is to love someone and to let them love you. It’s visiting places you think they might like (and places you want to see with them) and then holding your breath while you show them the night view because you just hope that it can make them smile. It’s supporting them verbally and with very cute hair petting when they’re nervous. But more than anything, it’s just being there with someone and for someone. That’s why my favorite part is always going to be Jimin rocking Tae back and forth and wiping his tears when he was crying. It’s just gentle and soft and reassuring, and that’s who Jimin wants to be for people and who Tae lets him be for him, and it’s why they’re soulmates. 

2. “Mikrokosmos” at Wembley Stadium: It’s just the way they live out the lyrics to their part of the song in the moment Tae crouches next to Jimin on the floor. The look on Tae’s face will never stop ruining me because he looks at this person who has so many feelings he has to sit down about it and smiles this fond smile like he’s never seen someone more perfect. And don’t get me started on the intimacy of the hand on the neck or I WILL CRY.

3. Tae’s Letter: How can I not include this? Every part of it is perfect, but what always gets me is Tae apologizing for always being on the receiving end of Jimin’s care and love and thanking him for liking him even though he’s “lacking.” It’s just so pure and so wonderfully selfless (and oblivious), but I love that Jimin sees how vulnerable this is making Tae and reassures him that he never sees their relationship that way—he values Tae and is grateful for all the times he’s been there for him too, and he makes that clear. 

4. ALL THE GIFTS: I’ll single out Tae giving Jimin designer clothes because it’s A LOT and Jimin’s dreamcatcher gift and the bears he got Tae for “Winter Bear.” They’re all such genuinely sweet moments, and I love watching their reactions when the other is opening or looking at the gifts because they just want to make each other happy, and when they do, it lights them up too.

5. THEY HAVE A SONG ABOUT THEIR STORY AND ENDED IT WITH “YOU ARE MY SOULMATE.” Anyone who thought that wasn’t making the list does not know me at all. ;) But seriously, they recorded a song about how they want the other to stay after all the cheers and fame end, and I’m just supposed to be ok about that?! 

Top 5 Things You Want to Eat/Drink in WDW in June

1. VIOLET LEMONADE 2. The new avocado toast at the Sunshine Griddle booth (because yes, I am predictable) 3. The La Vie en Rose Slushy in France 4. One of the new(ish) Dole Whip floats (either the Peter Pan one or the Moana one) 5. My beloved Watermelon Salad from the Festival Favorites booth

Top 5 Reasons Our Friendship Is the Best 

1. It’s So Easy (Because of You). Not only are you the easiest person in the world to love, you make it easy for me to be the kind of friend I want to be without holding anything back. I never feel anxious with you; I never worry about what I’m going to say or do or what I’ve said or done or whether I was too much or too weird or not enough, and that safety allows me to just be exactly who I am, which makes it not just the easiest friendship but also the most authentic one I have ever had because we can just be ourselves and know we’re loved. And that’s all because of the understanding, patience, and genuine support and kindness you bring to it. 

2. We’ve Adopted Each Other’s Favorite Places. Of course we’re perfect travel partners in so many ways, but my favorite thing about us as travel partners is that we’ve shared the places closest to our hearts, our happy places and safe spaces, with each other, and the other has fallen in love with them too. We’ve shared these tangible parts of our past, our family memories, and our histories with each other, and the other person has fully embraced those places. Watching you fall in love with WDW was like holding this little piece of my heart out to you and seeing you take it and keep it safe, and I hope my love for Vegas feels like that too. 

3. We’re Teaching Each Other. We have the exact strengths the other person needs in order to learn how to let themselves accept love. I am very bad at believing in unconditional love. But you are very good at teaching me through everything you say and do that it exists and that I don’t have to be perfect or do everything right or not be a mess or be less of myself in order to earn love or be worthy of having someone care about me. And I hope that I’m teaching you in my own way to believe that you are incredible and to accept all the love you deserve and to trust that I’m not going anywhere.

4. We’re Always on the Same Wavelength. Whether it’s shared pettiness or the places we want to go or the way we experience fandom (yes, we will both ALWAYS want to read fic for it and will both ALWAYS want to know every single relationship dynamic), we see so much of the world the same way. Which is really cool because our vibes could not be more different from the outside (you are very calm and cool, and I’m...me). I always think about all the similarities in our preteen and teen lives, and I just want to go back in time and tell bb!Katie that she’s going to find a friend someday who gets it and who is wearing the same t-shirts and listening to the same boy bands and reads fan fiction; she’s just currently on the other side of the country and neither of you are old enough to make internet friends yet. But once you are, look out, world. 

5. We Have the Same Love Language—and It’s Food. From spreadsheets filled with restaurants to sharing our favorite foods with each other when we travel to sending each other food when we need comfort, it’s how both of us say I love you. It’s also the driving force behind some pretty perfect memories—from macarons on a balcony in Niagara on the Lake to avocado toast and great French bread and multiple different kinds of perfect potatoes in Vegas to drinks on a rooftop in Chicago (because, yes, cocktails and wine also count as part of our love language). Even though we live so far apart, I always think of sharing food and foodie experiences as something that’s ours and ours alone. 

[littlemisswolfie]

Hope That You Fall In Love (And It Hurts So Bad) Part II

<Part I

Here’s part two! There was actually a much larger gap between these updates on ao3 since I just now remembered to post part one here today, so don’t expect part three to come any time too soon. Hope y’all enjoy!

If you have sensitive triggers, follow the ao3 link and read the end notes. I wasn’t personally triggered by anything I wrote, but I have no idea what triggers my readers, and your safety is paramount, so I may have over-warned.

AO3

Langa doesn’t feel anything about moving back to Japan.

He doesn’t feel anything in general, anymore. He knows he should feel something. This is the country he was created in, where he was tortured and trained before he could speak, where he met his mom for the first time in the hospital ward of his prison. But Japan isn’t really anything to him. It’s not a nightmare, because Okinawa, with its sun and warmth, is nothing like Teiko’s stale, cold walls, but it’s not home, because home is Canada, is mountains and snow and Canada Day fireworks and his dad.

He puts the letter his dad wrote him—still unopened—in the back of his sock drawer.

Okinawa isn’t anything.

Langa isn’t anything.

“Do you want to meet them?” his mom asks, a few days after they move into their small apartment. 

She doesn’t have to clarify who “them” are. “No,” he says. “I never knew them well. They probably don’t remember me.”

The Miracles are all adults. They have families, lovers, jobs and friends and lives. Langa doesn't have anything to say to people he hasn’t seen in ten years, and they wouldn’t benefit from knowing he’s alive, so he doesn’t care. 

*

High school isn’t compulsory in Japan, but he attends anyway, because he knows it will make his mom happy. She has enough on her plate, with a new job and having to make new friends, so he has to make this transition as easy as possible for her. 

She’s given up enough for him already. 

Sitting at his new desk at his new school with his classmates all pretending not to stare at him, he decides to get a part time job.

*

He’s on edge the entire time he’s sitting across from Sakurayashiki. He knows, logically, that a lot of people in Japan have started dying their hair to support the Miracles, so this grown man who has an affinity for technology having pink hair doesn’t necessarily mean he’s a Pink Two, especially since Pink Twos were predominantly designed female and his eyes are gold instead of pink, but he still hates the idea. 

He’s not GI-B423 anymore. He doesn’t want to be associated with Teiko.

When Sakurayashiki rejects his job application, he’s kind of relieved.

*

He leaves the calligraphy studio and meets Kyan Reki.

*

Reki is everything Langa isn’t. He’s bright and happy and loud. 

Back in Canada, people like this used to annoy Langa. Too noisy, too close, too much. But Reki is never overwhelming. He’s excited, like a puppy, and he’s genuine. Langa can’t help but be drawn into his orbit, like he’s a planet and Reki is the sun.

Ah, he thinks, in that part of his mind that never really left Teiko. He’s mine.

He lets Reki chatter in his ear about skateboarding and watches him work in his workshop and is—not happy, but content, for the first time since his dad got sick.

*

Skateboarding at S isn’t exactly what awakens that thrill Langa has always craved. It’s similar enough to snowboarding that Langa can let  his body take over for a majority of the beef, so that certainly helps, but it’s not the thing.

The thing is the unpredictability. 

He should probably feel concerned about that, about how the danger makes his heart race, how Shadow’s aggressiveness thrills him to his bones. It’s a Teiko thing, so he shouldn’t enjoy it, but he does. 

“How did you do that?” Reki asks him later as he helps Langa peel the duct tape from his feet. “That was crazy, man!” His eyes are shining, and Langa thinks, I did that. 

“I used to snowboard,” he says, instead of I was genetically engineered and trained for the first five years of my life to be an assassin but I never developed my powers.

Reki grins. “This is gonna be so awesome.”

*

Langa learns how to skateboard fast.

When Reki comments on how quick he’s learning, he gives his teaching all the credit, even though he knows it’s not exactly true. His mom doesn’t tell him much about how Teiko designed him, but he can read between the lines. He’s never had to work as hard to learn new things as the kids around him, particularly if they had a physical element. He’s more observant than usual, and it’s harder to scare him than it should be. 

He could easily make up some other excuse, like his past in snowboarding, but the way Reki’s face lights up when Langa compliments him is too good to pass up. 

*

His mother has never been good at hiding her emotions, which Langa finds more than a little ironic, considering she came to be his mom by working in a secret lab.

After the absolute roller coaster of emotions he sees on her face when she brings up the scrapes he’s been getting from skating, he takes pity on her and tells her what he’s been getting up to. The smile she gives him in response is one he hasn’t seen on her in a long time.

“Oh, baby,” she says, actual tears in the corners of her eyes, “I’m glad you found such a good friend.”

*

Reki’s friendship isn’t limited to skating.

Langa, privately, would have been content even if it were. It would only mean he spent more time skating than he usually would. But Reki seems to genuinely enjoy spending time with him. He gets Langa to do his English homework for him in return for writing out Langa’s notes and homework in his neater handwriting, they spend their lunches together on the rooftop, Reki gets him a job at Dope Sketch, and, well… 

They’re just always together.

Even better, Reki is a very touchy person. It’s unconscious, most of the time, like he can’t help it. A brush against his arm here, a nudge at his side there, an arm thrown around his shoulders while they walk together.

The contact makes him feel alive.

*

He beats Miya, but only just barely. Miya has years more experience than him, and it’s only due to his unconventional skating that he gets the upper hand. The idea of losing… it’s just—unacceptable. Because losing means scrapping. Losing means death.

The way Miya reacts to the loss reminds him of Teiko, so he says, “I had fun. Let’s skate again,” to make that terrified expression disappear. And then Reki starts messing with him, teasing him like an affectionate older brother, and, for a moment, it seems like the night will end there, without any additional fuss.

But then Adam shows up.

*

Adam, even with his blue hair and eyes hidden behind a mask, reminds Langa of a Red Zero. He’s obviously a man used to getting his own way, and that silky smooth tone in his voice when he make innocuous little statements belies the ugly nature underneath. He’s a sociopath. The only reason he knows he’s not a Red Zero with dyed hair is that he feels no compulsion to do what he says. In fact, he feels nothing—

Until he insults Reki and Miya.

“Hey,” Reki says, sounding angry, which Langa has never heard before, “take what you said back.”

Adam, who was about to touch Langa’s leg, straightens, a dangerous smile on his lips. “And what if I said I wouldn’t?”

If Langa were better with his words, he would warn Reki. No, he would say, he’s too dangerous, it’s too risky for you, but he can’t find his voice to say it, so Reki kicks up his board and challenges Adam to a beef.

*

“Sorry about that,” Reki says, later, as they skate home from Crazy Rock. “Betting you, I mean.”

“It’s fine,” says Langa, because he can’t say that means I’m yours to bet without making this whole situation even more strange than it already is.

*

They run into Joe at a ramen shop the next day. His green hair sets Langa off a little again, but Joe is nothing like a Green Seven, so he forces himself to relax a little and listen to the older man’s advice. 

“When did you start dyeing your hair?” Langa asks when Joe stands up to leave.

Reki and Joe both startle a little at the question, like they hadn’t expected him to say anything about it. “Well, me and Cherry were in high school when that Special Diet happened, so we dyed our hair out of support, and I guess the colors just kinda stuck.”

“Man,” Reki says, leaning forward onto the counter after Joe leaves. “It’s so weird to think about the Miracles as adults, y’know? They’re not in the news very much anymore.”

“The Yellow is,” Langa says.

“‘Yellow?’” Reki looks confused.

“Oh, sorry, ‘yellow.’ I used the English word on accident.”

“Oh, cool. Sometimes I think about your shitty handwriting and forget you’re bilingual.” Reki gives him a friendly poke in the side. “But, yeah, that yellow one’s a model, right? Of course he’d be in the news every once in a while. Oh, plus the red one’s adopted father has been petitioning for same-sex marriage to be legalized in Japan for a while now, so I guess you hear about him sometimes, huh? When did you start dyeing your hair?”

“I’ve never dyed it,” Langa says, looking down at the empty bowl in front of him. “My hair has always been this color.”

“Huh. Weird.” Reki shrugs and reaches into his pocket to pull his wallet out. “Joe was trying to be nice, but we still gotta pay.”

Langa’s grateful for the end of the conversation. He knows he’ll have to tell Reki someday, if they remain friends, but the longer he can put it off, the better.

*

Miya drags them and Shadow out to Crazy Rock for some practical training. It hurts to see Reki so frustrated with his own abilities when Langa knows how good he is. Reki shouldn’t be measuring himself  up against people like him, who have superhuman gifts, or Miya, who trains as much as he’s in school to make the national team, or Shadow and Joe and Cherry, who are all adults and have been skating for so much longer than he has. 

Someday, Reki, Langa thinks, someday you’ll realize how special you are.

Langa skates down a little further to grab Reki’s board when it gets away from him to let Reki rest a little, and tries to do the Love Hug Miya mentioned. Reki is quick to reassure him that there’s no way to actually go uphill, but Langa still feels uneasy. 

He knows there’s a way. There has to be. He just hasn’t figured it out yet.

At least he gets to go to A&W afterwards. He’s been missing poutine.

*

Langa wishes there was something he could say that would help Reki when he picks him up for the beef.

Your worth isn’t determined by skateboarding.

Don’t be discouraged if you lose.

Please be careful.

But none of those things would be helpful. Not really. Even if he could say them in Japanese the way he wants to in English, they would still sound condescending, like Langa didn’t believe in him.

So he says nothing.

*

Adam does the Love Hug.

Reki goes flying.

Langa sees red.

“I can finally skate with you,” Adam says, sounding enthralled, almost orgasmic, and the only thing Langa can think about is how easy it would be to kill him for what he did to Reki. It wouldn’t take much. Just enough pressure on the throat. A fall off Crazy Rock. A sharp stone to the jugular or the temple. Langa could make it look like an accident, he’s sure. He got more than enough training to do that much on a small scale like this. And even if he did get caught, hey, at least he would have had revenge for injuring Reki.

But Reki is still alive. Reki needs a hospital more than he needs Langa to kill Adam. 

He’ll get his revenge in a beef.

*

“Please,” Reki says, over and over again. “Don’t race against Adam.”

“I’m going to do it, Reki,” Langa says, just this side of a snap. “Stop trying to convince me otherwise.”

“Look, I appreciate it if you’re pissed about my injury—” And oh, he is, he hates seeing Reki’s arm in that cast, he hates that he had to wait in a hospital again when he last time he had to do that his dad was dying— “but Adam’s really on a whole ‘nother level. You’re crazy good, dude, but he’s just crazy.”

“I’m doing it.” He takes a large bite out of his sandwich, and it must be aggressive enough, because Reki backs off, at least for now.

*

“Mom?” Langa says over dinner that night, one of her few nights off from the hospital. 

She’s at attention immediately, which Langa feels a little guilty about. He knows he really shut her out after his dad died, and now every time he speaks, she acts like she’s never heard his voice before. “Yes, honey? What is it?”

“What—” He takes a deep breath, in through the nose, out through the mouth. “What all did Teiko give me?”

Her eyes harden in a way they so rarely do that it catches Langa off guard. “Nothing,” she says, vicious. “They didn’t give you anything, baby. They gave you nightmares and trauma, and that’s it.”

“There were files!” Langa says, voice raising. He didn’t mean to do that, but it’s happening now, so he has to let it go. “There must have been! And you were a nurse, so you had to have seen them!”

His mom slams her hands down on the table. “That is enough,” she says. “I’ve had a long day, and I’m not talking about this right now.” She stands up, clears her plate, and stomps into her room, closing the door behind her.

Langa groans, pushes his hair out of his face, and grabs his skateboard.

*

He, Reki, Shadow, Miya, and Cherry take over Joe’s Italian restaurant later that night, and as Langa watches Cherry demonstrate how the Love Hug works, something clicks in his brain.

I can do this, he thinks. I can beat the Love Hug.

*

“I’m beggin’ ya,” Reki says, one final time, “don’t skate against Adam.”

“Even if I get injured, I won’t quit skateboarding,” Langa says, but what he wants to say is, I won’t leave your side.

He feels Reki’s fist against his chest the whole ride home.

*

Skating against Adam is—

Langa hates to admit it, but it’s that adrenaline rush he’s been craving. Adam defies logic in every way possible when he skates, and it keeps Langa on his toes. Skating with Reki brings that easy warmth he got on the bunny slopes with his parents as a child, but Adam is electric, dangerous, and everything that Teiko side relishes in. 

“It seems that you’re the same type of person as myself,” Adam says, wonder in his voice, and Langa hates himself for not being able to deny it.

And then he jumps over the Love Hug, and his heart soars, and he thinks Reki, did you see that?

*

“What happened to the promise that you wouldn’t be reckless?” Reki asks after they evade the cops, out by the water. He sounds… he’s not angry, or scared, or worried. His tone of voice is resigned, like he never should have expected Langa to be careful.

“Sorry,” Langa says, but he’s not, and he knows Reki can hear it.

*

He knows he can’t ask his mom for permission to go on this trip without making up with her first, so a few nights after his beef with Adam, he knocks on her bedroom door. “Can I come in?”

He hears the sheets rustle, hears her sigh, and then she says, “Come in.”

He sits on the side of her bed, his back brushing against her legs. “I’m sorry I upset you the other night,” he says, his words halting. Even in English, he can never express himself the way he wants to. “It’s just—things have been getting intense, where Reki and I skate, and I was wondering how much of that was because of Teiko.”

She sighs again, and puts her hand on his shoulder. “No, I shouldn’t have gotten mad at you,” she says. “You have every right to wonder. I just hate talking about that place. You’re not what they made you to be, baby.”

“‘Cause I never developed my powers.” He’s sour about that, and he shouldn’t be. It’s easier, pretending to be human when you don’t have superpowers, but he heard all about the Miracle Black Four during the Special Diet, about how he used his powers for years to orchestrate their escape, and he’s jealous. He was engineered to do exactly what Kuroko Tetsuya did, and his stupid body never figured it out.

“Black Fours were doomed from the start.” His mom is trying to be reassuring, he knows, but that’s not really helpful. “GM-B452 was an outlier. In the eight generations between him and you, the scientists were no closer to getting true invisibility to manifest. Infinity was the last generation they were going to produce Black Fours, anyway.”

He’d never heard that before. “Really?”

His mom nods. “Really. They were just going to add the power to the Silvers, instead.”

“What else did my files say?” he asks.

She looks uncomfortable. “Langa, a lot of this stuff—it’s not good, honey. Reading your files when I started made me sick. They knew exactly how tall you were going to be, your projected adult weight, they—” She breaks off, wiping welling wetness from her eyes. “If you weren’t a Failure, and you survived to adulthood, they were going to breed you, baby, with the Pink Two, and the White Ten, if she survived. They predicted which Projects you would find sexual gratification with.”

Langa feels sick, just like his mom said he would. He was—he was a baby, barely a toddler when he and his mom left Japan. These scientists were thinking about his sex life before he knew what sex was. “Why?” he croaks.

“They didn’t see you as human, baby. None of you. You were lab rats with rocket launchers, for all they cared. Only as useful as they money they could make off of you.” Her eyes sharpen. “You said things were getting ‘intense’ with skating. How?”

“Reki was injured during a race,” Langa says, because he figures that all her honesty deserves some honesty out of him. “And I—the guy he was racing against, I wanted to hurt him. I thought of all the ways I could make it look like an accident. But then, a few nights ago, I raced him, and I felt…” He trails off. How can he describe that feeling to his mom without making it seem sexual? “It was like I was flying,” he settles on. “Like, nothing could touch me. I was doing exactly what I was meant to be doing. Even though I knew he could hurt me, really, really badly, even though we were going sixty kilometers per hour down his track with no fences to keep us from toppling over the edge, even though he kept touching me…” Thinking back on it now, he feels a little sick to his stomach again, especially when he sees the look on his mom’s face. 

“This guy,” his mom says, voice serious, “is he a teenager? Or is he an adult?”

“An adult.”

“Langa, baby, I know I can’t stop you from sneaking out at night and doing these races,” she says, hands clasping his, “because I know you can always find another way of getting out if I try to stop you, but if this man ever touches you again without your consent, or if he touches any of the other kids you hang out with without their consent, I want you to tell me, okay? It’s not right.”

“Okay,” Langa says, and he knows this is a promise he’ll have to keep. “But—the adrenaline thing, is that—”

“Teiko designed that, yes,” his mom nods. “They didn’t want any of you cracking under pressure, so they modified your brain to send out more adrenaline.” She smiles, a tad sad. “You were always the biggest adrenaline junkie, though. You tried to do everything dangerous you saw the other Projects do during training, even though you weren’t made for full-on combat. It got you in a lot of trouble.”

Langa rubs at his wrists as the phantom pains flare up again. “That I remember.” Then, remembering the whole reason he came in here in the first place, he says, “A friend of mine and Reki’s says hot springs are a good, natural healing thing, so he got us tickets to Miyakojima this weekend. Is it okay with you if I go?”

“As long as you have an adult with you,” she says, and Langa perks up, because he knows just the adult.

*

Reki wants to drag him out shopping, because “I can’t believe you don’t have a swimsuit, man, we’re going to the beach, you need a swimsuit.”

“Reki,” he says, panicking a little, because if his trunks ride up everyone will see, see the brand on his thigh, they’ll know he’s GI-B423— “Reki, I can’t swim.”

Reki gives him an incredulous look. “You’re seventeen and you don’t know how to swim?”

“I lived near the mountains my whole life,” Langa retorts, and, yes, this is good, he can needle back and forth with Reki all day long.

Reki groans. “Fine, then,” he huffs, though Langa knows he doesn’t mean it. “But it’ll be hot, so make sure you dress for the weather, okay?”

“Yes, Mom,” Langa teases, just to see Reki’s face heat up.

*

There’s a girl, on the ferry. 

She’s pretty, in a distant kind of way. She’s not movie-star beautiful, but her hair is long and silky, and her dress compliments her figure. There is, all in all, nothing off about her.

But.

Reki is staring at her.

Langa feels something ugly twisting in his gut. It reminds him of how he felt when Adam hurt Reki, this overwhelming urge to eliminate, to take Reki away from this threat—

Wait, threat? This girl is normal. Nothing about her conveys any sort of physical advantage or ulterior motive. She’s just a girl, on vacation. 

But Reki is staring at her. He’s blushing. 

This girl could take Reki away from him.

It’s a relief when she brushes right by them. If she did try to take Reki, Langa couldn’t guarantee her safety.

Reki would forgive him.

Probably.

*

The beach is beautiful, Langa decides, laying under the umbrella while the others play in the sea. He wishes he could be out there with them, but he knows better; his secret is more important than a little bit of fun.

Someday, he promises himself, letting his hands linger a little too long on Reki’s shoulders while they’re teasing Shadow. Someday I’ll tell them.

Just not today.

*

Sitting around the fancy inn Cherry’s staying at, and thinking about his conversation with his mom, Langa sneaks out of the large room where they ate dinner while the adults bicker. He finds a small courtyard with patrons milling around, settles himself on the deck, and tries to picture himself becoming invisible.

It’s risky, he knows; Teiko Projects glow when they use their powers, so if he is successful, someone could notice. But he’s not actually expecting to be successful, at least not in the psychic capacity. He never was before.

Langa knows he stands out in a crowd. He’s tall for Japan, and his hair and eyes always make people assume he’s a Miracle. It doesn’t take long for people to start glancing at him out of the corner of their eyes, and Langa picks one, an old man wearing a green patterned yukata, leaning heavily against a wooden cane and not even trying to pretend he’s not staring at him, and focuses on not being visible. 

How the fuck do I not be visible?

He sighs, running a hand through his hair. What was it the Black Miracle said during the Special Diet? I can only make someone temporarily forget my own presence. Is that the key? It’s less invisibility and more induced amnesia? God, the other Projects in his Generation used to make it look so easy. One second they’d be standing still, and the next they were glowing all sorts of bright colors and doing what they were made to do. 

He doesn’t think about the other members of his Generation often, so the thought comes as a surprise to him. For just a moment, he lets himself imagine what they would be like, if they’d also been freed like Langa was. 

The moment is brief. Dwelling on those things only made Langa’s heart ache. 

He crosses his arms across his knees, digging his blunt nails into the skin by his elbows, and thinks of the man he picked earlier. Don’t look at me, he thinks, screwing his eyes shut. You don’t see me. I’m not here.

Then, after a moment, he lifts his eyes, and he bites back a gasp, because the forearm in front of his face is surrounded by a faint black outline. It’s not a brilliant glow, like a Yellow or and Orange, but it’s there. His eyes dart back up to the old man with the cane, and he looks dazed, almost confused, like he’s wondering what he was looking at.

He’s doing it. He’s doing it!

In his excitement, he loses focus, and the faint outline fades, but it was there. He isn’t useless like he always thought.

He’s a success. A little bit, at least.

He has to try again. He picks another person, a mother cradling her baby, and tries to recall that feeling, the one right before he noticed the outline. It was almost like… desperation. He was desperate to manifest the powers he was designed with. Desperate to prove himself worthy of…

Of what? The approval of Teiko, a company that doesn’t exist anymore? The approval of the scientists, who didn’t see him as human and thought about his future sex life when he was a baby? The respect of his fellow Projects, most of whom are dead?

The approval of himself?

The desire to try it out again fades. God, what is he doing? He’s never felt inclined to use his powers before, so why now? He should be glad he never developed them. Living in human society is hard enough with his hair and eyes; living in Japan is hard enough with his height and his terrible handwriting and his Canadian habits that contradict Japanese ones. Not having powers, not standing out even more than he already does, should be a blessing.

He thinks about the letter his dad wrote him, still unsealed, in his bedside drawer.

He stands up, brushes his pants off, and wanders back to the group. They’re probably wondering where he is, by now, and he doubts he can use the bathroom excuse again. 

*

Langa knows pretty much right away that the things chasing him and Reki are just normal people covered in mud. Even the overpowering stench of the muck can’t hide that from his senses. But he doesn’t really have any concrete way of expressing this to Reki without hinting at what he is, so he goes along with it, and runs with Reki.

It’s the same kind of rush, skating away from an opponent on a rough course like this, only now, he has Reki with him. Reki’s right next to him, keeping up to him even when Langa’s being serious about the whole ordeal, and keeping a level head when Langa turns around to admire their pursuer’s skateboarding skills. 

Then the thing starts poking Reki’s leg with his stick, and Langa sees red. How dare this worthless human touch Reki like that? How dare they try to knock him off his skateboard, when he last time he bailed, he ended up in the emergency room? He’d like to knock them right off Shadow’s skateboard, but this time, he’s close enough to catch Reki when he falls, so he does.

The weight of Reki in his arms feels right. It feels inevitable, like he was built to hold him. He can feel Reki’s quick breathing, can practically hear his heart beating in his chest, and it makes him think about other activities that could cause that—

But this is no time for that. Not when they’re being chased, not when Langa doesn’t even know if Reki likes boys the way he likes girls.

*

“How did you two manage to not get covered in mud yesterday?” Shadow asks them the next morning on the ferry back to Okinawa. He, Cherry, and Joe are all still complaining about the smell they couldn’t wash off last night.

Joe sniffs at his hand and winces. “Did that ghost thing not chase you?”

Reki goes as stiff as a board next to Langa. “That wasn’t a ghost!”

“Well, what was it, then?” Shadow asks.

Langa eyes a poster about a festival about covering people in mud to protect them from evil spirits out of the corner of his eye and says, “Who knows?” If none of the adults can figure it out, that’s on them. He’ll tell Reki about it later.

*

“Mom?” Langa asks when he gets home after dropping Reki off at his house. 

His mom looks up from the movie she’s watching on the couch. “Oh! Welcome home, baby. Did you have a fun trip?”

But he’s not in the mood for pleasantries. “Did Teiko make me gay?” The word falls from his lips and it burns, like he’s said something shameful. Being gay isn’t a big deal in Canada, at least not anymore, and Langa has always absently supported LGTBQ rights in a distant way that made him think he was probably straight after all and just hadn’t found a girl he liked, but this trip…

“Oh, sweetie.” His mom opens her arms and he falls into them like a child. “Before I answer, what brought this on?”

“I just—you said they had a breeding plan, so I know I’m not sterile, but I’ve never been interested in girls.”

“Is that all?”

Langa presses his face further into her shoulder and says nothing.

“Langa, do you remember what I told you when I took you from Teiko?”

“You—you said you were my mom, and that meant you would love me and take care of me for the rest of your life.”

She hums affirmatively, stroking his hair with her gentle fingers. “That love is unconditional. No matter what you do, I’ll love you just the same. That’s how moms work, honey. So, if there’s anything else you want to tell me, you don’t have to be scared.”

Langa opens his mouth. Closes it. Licks his lips and tries again. “I love him, Mom,” he says, the words soft, like a whisper, like a secret. “I love Reki.”

Her smile is in her voice when she says, “Thank you for trusting me with that, honey. I can tell he makes you really happy.”

“We’re not—together,” Langa interjects. “He—he likes girls, and I don’t know if he likes boys, too. He doesn’t know how I feel.”

“You’ll never know if you don’t take that risk.”

“But it’s a big risk. If he doesn’t like me, I might lose him forever.” The mere thought of not having Reki in his life anymore makes tears gather in his eyes. “I couldn’t do it.” He takes a deep, shuddering breath, and asks again. “Did Teiko make me gay?”

“Yes,” his mom says, simply. “They knew you would eventually interact with humans, and they didn’t want undesirable offspring. But, Langa,” she continues, cupping his chin and raising his head so their eyes would meet. “They didn’t design you to fall in love with Reki. They didn’t think you could love. You loving Reki is all you, baby. Never doubt that.”

“Do you think— Would Dad—?”

“Your father would have adored Reki,” she says, and the weight that falls from his chest makes him gasp. “Reki sounds so much like him, in the best possible ways. They’re cut from the same cloth. And he would have loved you just the same way as always.”

Langa falls asleep like that, in the same clothes he traveled in, curled up in his mother’s lap like a child. His last thought before he drifts off is that letter he still hasn’t opened.

One day, he says. I don’t want to say goodbye yet.

[its-bound-to-get-loud]

Why I believe 5SOS didn’t work as a pop-punk band (+ my opinion on THAT Rolling Stone article)

This title of this post may be an unpopular opinion for a lot of you. But I don’t believe 5SOS worked as a pop-punk band. In this post I will explain exactly why. I hope that even if you don’t agree, you will at least understand my POV. This post is probably gonna have a lot of text. Not a lot of links, videos or pictures involved. I hope it will still be interesting for you. All of this is just my personal opinion, I have no way of proving that this is 100% true. It’s just a careful deduction of things I’ve seen and thought about over the last few months, mixed with some personal opinions. With this post I’m trying to tackle some topics that are being talked about often and showing them in a different light. I’ve put quite a lot of time into writing this, so I’m hoping you will appreciate it. Finally a huge, massive thank you to my friend R for proofreading this, it means a lot to me.

To start things off, I’ve had quite a lot of thoughts about this topic: I don’t think 5SOS truly worked as a pop-punk band. The image didn’t fit them and it wasn’t right for their era. It was a fun sound, I enjoy listening to it, they probably even enjoyed making it. Obviously fans enjoyed it as well. I fully believe that when they first started, pop-punk is what the guys wanted to sound like. It’s the music they listened to, those were the bands they looked up to. When they got signed they had not been a band for a super long time, they were young and barely had any experience in both life and music. I’m not someone with an extensive knowledge of pop-punk groups, but from what I know a lot of these bands were misfits, outcasts. People who didn’t feel like they had a place in society. In some cases from broken homes, with bad childhoods, etc. That’s who they were and it’s what their music was about.

I’d say 5SOS as whole do fit those characteristics. They were from a small town where music wasn’t really a career for most people. So they felt the need to get out of their town and pursue music. Michael dropped out of school for music, Ashton obviously had a very difficult home situation. Calum has mentioned that his family didn’t have a lot of money when he was younger. I’m not sure how the situation was for the others. But besides this, everyone but Ashton came from a stable home, Calum’s parents separated later on. So I can see why the guys related to these pop punk bands put out songs about this. Especially when you’re a teenager you often feel misunderstood by everyone else.

But when 5SOS started they looked more like a boyband than a pop punk band. Their earliest songs were mostly love songs. While the boys might have felt like being a pop punk band, and maybe even considered themselves to be one, I would say they were more of a pop/pop rock band.

In some cases a label can mold an artist or band into a certain image upon signing. But 5SOS had already gathered a following before they were even signed, so molding them into a rougher pop-punk image right upon signing would not have worked, it would not have been organic. They probably didn’t want to alienate the fans they already had, because they were valuable in getting the word out about 5SOS.

Their first manager, Adam Wilkinson, didn’t seem to think 5SOS would work as a pop-punk band as well. Just look at these quotes taken from That infamous 2015 Rolling Stone article (I will not link it, because I despise it, just google if you feel the need to read it).

“While they cannot cross into the realm of pop punk, they can stand on the sidelines and capture the end of that market.”

“They always wanted to be Blink 182 or Good Charlotte, but I’ll be the first to admit I thought that was shooting too far,” says Wilkinson. “We tried to make them a little more pop.”

That last quote is basically what happened. 5SOS ended up connected to One Direction, a huge pop act at the time. A connection that wasn’t as much of a “coincidence” as they wanted to make it look like. Louis was never the one to truly discover 5SOS, this was simply a smart PR decision to connect 5SOS to the 1D fanbase and grow their audience. I highly suggest reading this post that lays out exactly how 5SOS came to get signed and how their connection to 1D began. You will see that there is clear evidence that it didn’t happen like they wanted us to believe.

And let’s be real. Take a look at this early 5SOS picture. Does this look like the next Green Day or All Time Low? They all look like the boy next door, with maybe the exception of Michael. Basically they had the looks of a boyband, and while they never have been a traditional boyband (and certainly aren’t now), they certainly were marketed as one early on. This is a label that still sticks to them to this day.

I fully believe that their team (management/record label) tried to slowly evolve them into a more pop-punk image as they got bigger. They couldn’t ride the 1D train forever and had to stand on their own 2 feet. That’s where we arrive at the Sounds Good Feels Good era. This is a fascinating era for me, because there is a shift. Their looks start changing, suddenly they slowly become rockstars, piercings start happening. The boys are growing up. They are old enough to drink, girls are in the picture, etc. Musically it’s also clear that their sound is changing. The self-titled album is still fairly pop-rock, 1D but a little edgier perhaps. Sounds Good Feels Good is the more pop-punk album. But is it really? Because as most fans will know, the album knows 2 sounds. It has the clear pop-punk bops, such as Money or Safety Pin (to name a few), but there’s also some songs that already predict the sound for Youngblood such as, for example, Waste The Night and Vapor. It’s clear to me that while they probably still enjoyed their pop-punk sound the guys were growing up and were slowly discovering what music their sound as a band should be.

If we’re being honest for a moment. What songs from SGFG really feel the most personal? Sure, She’s Kinda Hot is a bop, but what about Vapor? Vapor is by far my favorite song on the album, it tells me a story, it makes me feel emotion. Now I’m very biased towards SKH, because (unpopular opinion) I don’t like the song much because of the lyrics. But that’s a different story (we may get to that someday). There is nothing wrong with a song that’s a bop, you need those. I could enjoy SKH if it wasn’t for the lyrics. But bops can have meaning too. SKH doesn’t in my opinion. Besides the fact that the guys were growing up and maturing their sound, the music scene just wasn’t very pop-punk or even rock based anymore. It wasn’t a sound that was popular anymore.

I took a look at the billboard charts and pulled some statistics. Friday October 23 was the release date for SGFG. The Top 3 Billboard hot 100 songs that week were

The Weeknd – The Hills

Drake – Hotline Bling

Justin Bieber – What Do You Mean?

The songs/artists closest to 5SOS in sound in the WHOLE Billboard Hot 100 that week were One Direction – Drag Me Down, Fall Out Boy – Uma Thurman and Twenty One Pilots – Stressed Out. That’s 3 songs in a list of 100 songs and you can debate how close the sound of those actually was to the sound of 5SOS at the time.

Taking a look at the Billboard 200 Year-End chart, the #1 is Taylor Swift – 1989. SGFG ended up at #136 (keep in mind that the album was released in October, so close to the end of the year). 5SOS self-titled ended up at #73. The LIVESOS album ranked #176. There’s a few other records that can be considered rock in the list, but barely any pop-punk in the whole chart. The only one to be considered for that title would be Fall Out Boy’s – American Beauty/American Psycho album, which was #15.

Pop-punk or rock in general, wasn’t a popular sound that topped the charts around the time 5SOS got started as a mainstream act. Number 1 on the Billboard Hot 100 the week 5SOS released their first ep (Unplugged) was Call Me Maybe by Carly Rae Jepsen. The real mainstream success of pop-punk was mostly in the late 90’s running all the way through the early 2000’s. This is why I wonder why the label tried to make them into a pop-punk band in the first place. My best guess is that their team relied on the fans to push the success of the band forward after they came off of 1D’s Where We Are tour. They might have tried to create an edgier version of 1D with similar success. Where you create a fan base that is big enough to support the band without the need of casual listeners or fans from different demographics (male, female, old, young, etc.).

I think they relied too much on 1D fans to gravitate towards 5SOS as well, which may have been a mistake. Not all 1D fans actually liked 5SOS, some even actively stayed away from them the more they were pushed under their noses. When I entered the 1D fandom in 2014 most things I saw about 5SOS were negative. 1D fans considered them problematic and didn’t like them. This is partially why I steered away from 5SOS at the time. Besides that, I had enough going on with 1D to keep me occupied. Of course 5SOS’s fan base still grew quite a bit from the 1D exposure, but they never got to the same heights as 1D did. In several interviews the guys have said that they were being called “the biggest band that nobody has ever heard of”.

On a more personal note. As a recent fan, the whole pop-punk image never felt very genuine to me. Which might be because I came into the fandom backwards, starting with CALM and going back to their older material after that (side note: I did listen to the Youngblood album once or twice before). Don’t get me wrong, I love SGFG, I play it regularly. Money is a banger, Hey Everybody!, a bop, Permanent Vacation, love it! But as a fan I like to identify with songs and recognize that the artist is telling something that is personal to them. I don’t get that feeling from some of these songs. 

An example of a song that is emotional, yet (mostly) not personal to the band is Broken Home. It’s a beautiful song, but I generally skip it. 1, because it’s a very sad song and it’s not always something I’m in the mood for. 2, because it’s not a song I relate to on a personal level. And most importantly 3, I don’t see the song relating to 5SOS as people, other than maybe Ashton. An interesting quote about the song, made by their producer John Feldman, is on the genius page for this song.

“Other than Ashton, the three guys have parents who are still together. Ashton has never met his father. Ashton really connected into the theme. “We’re saying something with this song, it’s going to connect with the audience, at least 50% of our audience comes from broken homes. We’re actually taking a stand.” The other guys are loyal and family-driven and sweet, so they were like, “What are our parents going to think about us singing about a broken home when we don’t come from broken homes? How authentic is it?” It was a two-month debate.”

So the guys themselves were already questioning the authenticity of the topic when they were recording it. Ashton connected to the theme of the song, but the others didn’t. It wasn’t something they had experienced. It doesn’t say why the song made it on the album anyway. As stated in the quote, a lot fans can relate to it. I’m sure many fans found comfort in the song, which is a nice thing. The song doesn’t make you relate to the band though. If any of them had written this song from a personal experience it would have connected a lot differently. I’m not saying it’s a bad thing that the song is not personal, it just doesn’t feel very genuine when you know the artist has no relation to the story they are telling.

Moving on to the 2015 Rolling Stone article I have mentioned before. This seems to cause some division among fans. Was it all true or was it made up? My opinion is that it’s a mixture of truth and BS. But a whole lot of it feels taken out context or exaggerated. I have been a fan since March, so I wasn’t around at the time this came out. But since becoming a fan I have watched tons of interviews and clips and have extensively discussed this band with my friend, so I’d like to say I have done my homework and have a good picture of this band. On top of that I’d like to think being a 1D fan sharpened my critical thinking skills and might have helped me see through certain bullshit. I don’t claim to be the person with all the answers, but maybe my thoughts make sense to some people. There might be some context that I’m missing or facts that I haven’t come across, if you feel like there’s a piece of information I’m missing, feel free to let me know.

The way the article starts, it reads like fanfiction. Literally. The extensive description of the surroundings, the time of day, everything. The first time I read it, it made me cringe so hard I had trouble getting through the whole thing. First things first. This interview takes place the day after the AMA’s. Who the fuck scheduled this? Either someone should have prevented them from getting drunk and partying, or they should have scheduled this on another day when these guys were in a better state of mind. That is, assuming things went the way they went as described in the article. Which is something I highly doubt.

The only direct source saying that this article is not genuine is this tweet from Luke. Besides that I have only read secondhand that the band and people surrounding them have spoken up about the inaccuracy of the article.

Some people believe 5SOS could have sued Rolling Stone for slander if this article was really as false as they claim. Now I’m no lawyer, but this is not how things work in the entertainment industry. An article like this has been agreed upon before. The interviewer didn’t just decide to drop by one day. During celebrity interviews there’s always someone from their management or PR team around to make sure they don’t say any stupid shit. Celebrities are a brand, they have an image to protect, albums to sell. If they say things that make them look bad it can cause damage to their good name. Record companies have invested money in artists and they want to see a profit in return. They don’t want to risk losing money, that’s why celebrities have PR teams. RS may have had a reputation for being a very honorable publication, but these days that’s not the case. They are not that far removed from cheap gossip rags such as the Sun or The Daily Mail nowadays. They still get read by a lot of people, which puts them in a position of power. Often when an interview takes place there are certain topics that have been agreed upon before, there are also topics that can be blacklisted if the artist or their team doesn’t want them talked about. For example relationships or family matters. These will also be agreed upon beforehand.

Here is a story about a former journalist for the British tabloid The Daily Star, who has admitted to making up stories and explains how they get away with it.

For arguments sake, let’s say the guys slipped up and showed their “true colors”. With a big publication like this it’s common that their team would have to approve the article before it comes out. If there’s anything in there that was not agreed upon that they don’t like, the article can be edited.

This leaves us a few possibilities.

The article is completely true and their team is shit at their job. They failed to prevent the boys from slipping up about stuff they shouldn’t and did nothing to stop Rolling Stone from publishing.

The article is true and their team just allowed the article to be published for whatever reason.

The article isn’t true, but their team let it happen anyway, possibly because they wanted to move the band away from their boyband image into a more punk-rock image that went with their sound.

My vote goes out to the last one. I think their team wanted to make the boys look more edgy/punk-rock and get rid of their boyband image and this is how they tried to do it. I think parts of the article may be true, but a lot of it is greatly exaggerated and in some cases made up. If my theory is true, it also means 5SOS or their team had no reason to sue Rolling Stone if they wanted to. Because it would mean you have a major publication on your bad side, which means no more future promotional opportunities for the band and/or the label. While Rolling Stone may be trash, it’s a publication that a lot of people read. Therefore it’s a very important connection that you don’t want on your bad side.

If you still think they could have sued Rolling Stone then take a look at some examples from 1D. 1D has been targeted by the British tabloid The Sun for YEARS. They wrote the most awful shit, a lot of it not true. Yet they still had exclusive scoops whenever something important happened. Exclusive meaning, these topics were given to them exclusively for publishing. It was proven that their PR manager is friends with the journalist from The Sun responsible for most of the stuff written. 1D never sued The Sun for those articles, because they most likely were agreed upon by their team beforehand. 1D has never tried suing the Sun over anything, despite what they wrote. This was not 1 article, these were many articles. Especially towards the end of 1D, when it was clear their label was losing 1D, there was a smear campaign in the media to discredit 1D and its members. There was a chance some members were going to sign with a competing label, and that’s something their label didn’t like. Here is a good collection of headlines from that smear campaign. Nobody ever got sued over these articles.

Do you still think 5SOS could have just stood up and sued Rolling Stone? The entertainment business is full of politics. If you don’t play the game you’re out. Also, question yourself. Why does Luke still say the article was twisted and inaccurate 4,5 years later? He has owned up and apologized for past mistakes, yet he keeps insisting the article didn’t tell the truth. He even goes to say that the article “broke and hurt him”. If you believe Luke is still covering his ass for what he said in that article, that essentially would he mean he is emotionally manipulating people by saying the article hurt him. Is that the person you think Luke is?

1 more thing I want to point out. Yes, I am aware of the fact that Calum has a large version of the magazine cover hanging around in his house. I can’t say exactly why. This is my best guess. That cover was still a big thing in their career, despite the article, it is still a Rolling Stone cover. That’s a milestone that not every artist gets to do in their career. Just because he has the cover hanging around doesn’t mean he enjoyed the article that came with it.

This whole post has gotten super long, it may not be the easiest thing to get through. So thank you if you made it till the end. As stated before, this whole thing is mostly just my opinion. But the parts about how PR teams work are a fact. I do not work in the music or entertainment industry, I’m not a lawyer, so I may have gotten some things wrong. If I did, please let me know and I will try to fix it. Feedback is always appreciated.

[neo-culture-mafia]

I am profoundly heartbroken. It’s 1:26am and I should be in bed right now, but I won’t be able to close my eyes properly before I get this out of my chest. Admin J is one of the sweetest people I’ve ever met in my life, and reading those words directed to her just makes me feel like I failed as a friend, I failed to protect her from this nonsense.

Whoever you are, I want to tell you that even with all of those unnecessary words, my friend doesn't hate you, I don't even need to talk to her to know that she doesn't. Admin J believes in people. She helps people. She comforts people. She shines in her own way. The only reason why I came back to this blog after months away from Tumblr is thanks to her. She encouraged me, she respected my pace, she believed that I could do this (even when writing strong themed stories are not my best skills), she heard me when I was hurting. She welcomed me back with open arms. She was one of the few people who I could count on to talk about my hurting when I felt like no one on this earth would bother to listen to me.

She has all the damn right to take a break after a personal situation happened to someone she loved. And I am here for her. I will always be. Our dear and loved followers are also here for her. You may not have seen it, but many of our followers left sweet messages wishing her well and cheering her up. You'll never bring this girl now. She's a breath of fresh air to this world.

And to your information, not like I owed you an explanation or anything, the reason why I didn't post anything on the last days, was because I'm finishing up a trailer for a new upcoming series that I have been planning for a month, thanks to Admin J who's been the most supportive bean ever, telling me all the time how'll great it will be and how much I can write a whole series on my own. Neo Culture Mafia wouldn't exist if Admin J hadn't started it from the scratches almost two years ago, thinking about every single little detail and putting her heart on every word. And as much as if feels empty and weird for me to do this without her, I will make her proud and I will make sure that the best writing Tumblr I've ever seen in my life keeps on going before she's fully ready to come back. She won't lose her followers.

I only wish you good. I wish you a good life, I wish you safety. I wish you love, true love. I wish you a couple of real friends. I wish you an environment that provides everything you need to get a decent nice life. I wish that you appreciate more the beauty in the small precious things in life. I wish you love yourself as much as we both love you, because believe it, we do love you. And I genuinely hope you're not hurting as much as I imagine you are. Whatever you need, I'm at @/souljaems ready to help if you want to talk or anything. Just don't be unnecessarily rude towards someone I care about. She doesn't deserve it.

To all of our followers, thank you for being so patient with me, and thank you so very much for all of your love and support to Admin J. I can assure you that all of your messages have helped her in a way you can't begin to imagine. We love you. Thank you for everything. I'll work harder to be worthy of all of this love someday.

[hatake]

being sick always makes my loneliness worse.

i remember having a conversation with my therapist about hugs + my comfort level with them and he led me to the realization that i'm someone who gives a lot of hugs for the sake of other's comfort but i don't receive that same level of comfort in my own times of need and i don't have anyone around me i trust enough to seek that out from.

it's been hard coming to terms with how closed off i've become as a person and how much of that is a result of living in the environment i'm in. being vulnerable and genuinely connecting with people used to be so easy for me, but i'm not like that anymore. everyone is at arms length now because i can't trust the people around me.

it's hard.

the past ten+ years i've been tricked into thinking i was selfish for being upset that my family is still close with the people who molested me. it's been so insane finding out that all of the worst thoughts i've had about the people around me isn't me being a selfish, heartless monster; they're the ones who are selfish and cruel. because they're all in it together, i was made to feel like the one in the wrong.

ever since coming to that realization, i just can't love them anymore. i hate these people. i can't believe they continue doing this to me. then they act like i'm crazy for being upset all the time. of course i hate you people. you commit the ultimate betrayal on the regular. you think i treat you like shit? and how do you think you're treating me?

i hope someday i find someone i can trust enough to hug when i'm upset. the people i can trust that way aren't near me.

that's hard.

i keep daydreaming about living alone and finally feeling peace. one of the best christmases i've ever had was when the rest of my family went out of town and i spent it alone. i want to feel that kind of safety and relaxation again.

i still feel a lot of jealousy that they all get to stick together and be happy in the dysfunction. i'm starting to feel grateful i was the one molested, though. would rather be a wronged victim than a bystander actively supporting abusers. these people are gross. i hate them.

i'll get there. i'll be free of them someday. i'll find people deserving of all the love i have to give who will love me back just as much.

i hope it's not too far off, though, because everything has become so hard in ways i'm not used to.

and being sick emphasizes it, yanno. you're at such a low and the people around you make you feel worse.

i hope this time next year is better.

i really hope so.

[warofroyalsrpg]

— ♔ In the past, people were born royal and for ALYS TUDOR the THIRTY-FOUR-year-old CROWN PRINCESS of WALES, that is a tradition SHE intends to keep. To others, SHE looks an awful lot like CLAIRE FOY and has been painted as THE MEEK SPARE but behind closed doors, SHE is TIMID & BLUNT but also DIGNIFIED & STOIC. It has also been said they are BETROTHED to MATTHEW GOODE, WILLIAM MOSELEY, ALEXANDER LUDWIG, AARON TAYLOR-JOHNSON, OR UTP. (cj/32/cst/she/her)

Welcome Princess Alys Tudor, we hope you enjoy your stay and represent your country of Wales well! The fc of Claire Foy and the country of Wales are now taken! Please check out the checklist and send in your account within twenty-four hours.

The following app contains mentions of murder/death

What is your character’s gender?: Cis Female

Are you filling a wanted connection? If so, which one?: N/A

Please provide three headcanons about your character:

For Alys, growing up second to her brother was as much of a challenge as a rat trying to free itself from an inhumane glue trap…impossible. His bright personality and commanding presence had always lit up the room as if King Ewen, himself, had already entered the building. And it didn’t take the younger of the two to realize her place in the world; silent and in the background. Though extremely bright and well rounded in her studies, the young woman remained quiet watching as her brother grew more fit and apt to take the crown someday. Of course, no one saw what was coming. In everyone’s minds, the belief that Alwyn would one day rule Wales, and quite successfully, had come as default. But of course, there had to be a set path for Alys. Like any great spare, she was set to marry.

Arranged to a man she quietly despised, Alys didn’t counteract her mother and father’s wishes. Though loving him didn’t come easy. While she could tell he longed to be in the spotlight, much like her brother, she thought nothing of it. Instead, she went about her daily life, sometimes bluntly wrangling him back into his place by reminding him of whom he would be marrying.

Life carried on until a trip to Rome. King Ewen, trusting in his son to negotiate policies with the leaders in Italy, sent the young Crown Prince, and his wife. And with some convincing, Alwyn managed to bring along his sister and future brother-in-law.

The trip was a success. The Crown Prince had brought together two nations just as his father had hoped; a sign that he would be a great ruler someday. And to celebrate, Alwyn, along with Alys’ betrothed; a young liaison who had been present at the meeting of the two countries; and a young diplomat to Rome, left the women of their own accord for a night out in Tor Bella Monaca to celebrate. Not exactly the greatest place for two princes, but the perfect coverup for the heinous crime that Alys’ betrothed was about to commit.

Word of the Crown’s death came sometime over the next several hours and the next several months were like a blur. No one had suspected a thing, and the one coherent witness that was there that night was threatened to great lengths. However, in all of this, Alys’ life was thrown upside down when she was soon announced as the new Crown Princess of Wales.

Mourning her brother’s passing would be put on hold as she would take over a role she never expected. But relations between the country of Wales and Italy had turned sour. And with tensions mounting elsewhere in the world, Alys’ father and mother felt it best to send her off to Russia for protection. Losing their pride and joy had nearly destroyed their family, and the idea of possibly losing their daughter as well, and the right to hold the throne in the future, couldn’t be fathomed. But what they didn’t know was that the murderer of their son was engaged to their daughter and set to be the future King of Wales, if all continued to go according to his plan.

Please provide two or more connection ideas for your character:

The Betrothed: This is the man who is set to marry Alys, but is the same man that murdered her brother in cold blood and managed to cover it up. He’s conniving, sly, outgoing, and charming. She secretly despises him and isn’t afraid to put him in his place, when he acts unruly. Neither one of these people are in this relationship for love, though she genuinely tries, despite how difficult he can be. She has no idea that he is the one who murdered Alwyn, and he plans on keeping that way no matter what lengths he has to go to.

The Crown Prince’s Widow: After Alwyn’s death, his betrothed was left a widow. Aside from her brother, Alys considered the woman a best friend. While Alys hasn’t been able to fully mourn her brother’s death, she has been able to talk and share her feelings with his widow; a woman who was also sent to Khatanga out of fear for her safety.

The One True Love: Since being forced into a relationship with her betrothed at a rather early age, Alys hasn’t gotten the opportunity to experience real love. She has tried her hardest to love the man she is supposed to, but she just doesn’t feel the way her parents and everyone else expects her to. It’s a dangerous game to play, but it’s the first time she’s ever felt such a thrill and longing for something so wrong.

Please answer the following questions IC:

What is one thing you are proud of/love about your country?

“I love the landscape. Being out in nature has always been an escape for me. It’s where I can think. Where I am most free. I am going to greatly miss it, as I hear Khatanga is a very flat, and at times, gray land. But as long as there are horses to ride and a place outdoors that I can escape to and call my own, I suppose it will suffice.”

What is the most important thing in your suitcase?

“A rather worn out copy of Little Women that my late brother gifted to me. He always encouraged and supported me. Noticed me, even when I thought he didn’t. He knew how hard this life we were born into was for me, and he always told me to follow my dreams and to trust my instincts. Everytime I read the story of Jo March, I think of him and how much he believed in me.”

Who and/or what will you miss most from home?

“My sweet Corgi, Dylan. I received him after Alwyn passed, and he’s kept me company and been my support. I will, of course, miss my parents. While my brother was the apple of their eye, I know they love me dearly, as I do them. And my betrothed. I’ve word that he should be arriving any day.”

[the-and-sign-anon]

I know a lot of people don’t have families as loving and supportive as they deserve, but I just want to talk for a minute about how grateful I am for mine.

I’m grateful for my mom, who I can talk to about almost anything. We can laugh and cry and sit together in silence to listen to rain. I look at her, and I see a world of love for me and my siblings, for my dad and for our church, which she has unending faith in.

I’m grateful for my dad, who I can watch movies with and ramble to about my favorite shows and books. With him, none of my interests feel stupid and none of my thoughts feel small. I look at him, and I see years of work for a home and a safety he couldn’t have on his own. I see a man who loves his wife, his daughters, his son, and his church.

I’m grateful for my first sister, who inspires my own strength. She teaches me about the world and shows me how to enjoy it without getting lost in it. She encourages my hopes for a life in the future and reminds me of the joy of the past. I look at her and I see all the strength of character I hope to have. I see dedication and self-love and faith.

I’m grateful for my second sister, who taught me to kind. She shows me how to be faithful and honest, and how to show courage in times of uncertainty. She allows me to hold onto my childhood and teaches me when to let go. I look at her, and I see a sense of self that no one else I know can match. I see a love for family and an understanding that leaving home doesn’t mean leaving us.

I’m grateful for my third sister, who pushes me to be better and learn things for myself. She and I can fight and yell and say awful things, but understand that family is eternal. She makes me try new things, even when I’m nervous, and she sees when I’ve reached my limits. I look at her, and I see a companion. I see a person who strives to better the world for everyone by changing the world for just one person at a time.

I’m grateful for my younger brother, who knows me better than almost anyone. We watch cartoons together and play video games and talk about our deepest thoughts. He has a wholly unique perspective and I’m often in awe of his personality. He is unlike anyone else I think I’ll ever meet and I love him for it. I look at him, and I see someone who could change lives without even knowing it. I see a young man who even life itself could fall in love with.

I’ve had dark times and thoughts I can’t understand, but through it all, even the things my family doesn’t know about, they’ve been there. They’ve shown incredible understanding and love, more than I often think I could ever earn. Just as importantly, they teach me every day that it isn’t something to be earned; it’s given freely simply because they choose to.

I’m genuinely sorry for those who have family who don’t support them or their dreams, but I promise you you’ll find it someday, somehow. Whatever your family make look like, you will always be worthy of their love and acceptance. They’ll find you someday, and you’ll realize in time that they won’t ever truly let you go.

[pyropsychiccollector]

Naezono Week, Day 7: Promise

           The Ultimate Pop Sensation looked down at the gift curiously.

           “A ring...?” She echoed faintly.

           The Luckster in front of her rubbed the back of his neck and smiled sheepishly.

           “I know it’s not much, and might even be a bit cheesy, but I wanted to make my promise more… concrete. Y’know?” Makoto laughed in embarrassment as he tried to find the right words. “Anyone can ‘say’ they’re gonna help you get out of here… But I guess… I wanted something to back my words up.”

           “… And you settled on a Love Status Ring?” Sayaka wondered aloud, still eyeing the gift in her palm.

           Makoto’s face flushed at that. He waved his hands defensively and spluttered nervously.

           “I-It doesn’t have to mean anything you don’t want it to…! I just… we don’t have a lot in here that’s, well, ours.” Pink dusted his cheeks as he looked off to the side. “I know just giving out a prize from that machine in the shop is a bit… thoughtless… B-But something about it seemed… right.”

           Sayaka blinked as she looked up at the Luckster curiously.

           “Seemed right…?” She echoed. Makoto nodded absently.

           “Y-Yeah…” His blush deepened, but he raised his head to meet the idol’s eyes. “… You’re my friend, and I care about you. I don’t know much about love, but I still want you to find that special someone, someday. And since there’s more chance of finding that person out there than in here… I thought… it could be like a beacon of hope until you get out of here? Ehe…”

           As the Luckster chuckled nervously and averted his gaze downward once again, shuffling his feet, Sayaka continued to stare at him with awestruck eyes. She had not expected this from the shy, average-looking boy. When she had wrung that promise to help her escape no matter what out of him, she was perfectly fine at taking him at his word. Inadvertently making him promise that in the first place was already more than enough to suit her goals, which were growing more and more desperate by the minute. What more could she ask, with him wrapped around her finger as he was?

           … But here it was. Makoto going above and beyond her expectations, yet again. The Luckster didn’t just care about her safety and health… he wanted to secure her happiness, too. In any way he could, even if it came off as borderline romantic. Most girls that were as popular as her would have taken advantage of the poor boy without a second thought, if they were in this position. Disregard his genuine feelings, snub him. Some rotten soul might even use Makoto, had he bared his heart like this to them; as an idol, one of the popular crowd, some really shady possibilities sprang to mind.

           … And therein lied the rub.

           Sayaka needed Makoto. Her idol group was at risk, and she needed to escape immediately. As risky as murder was, having a scapegoat circumvented at least part of the problem that Rule 6 hinted at – being found out by their peers. Makoto promised that he’d help her, no matter what; she didn’t doubt that he would cover for her when push came to shove. He would feel conflicted because of the lengths she went to… feel hurt that she used him… But she would have his support. Of course she didn’t want to betray him in such a way. She’d rather not betray him at all.

           She looked at the ring in her palm with a furrowed brow.

           … Why was he making this even more impossible?

           “Well… I guess it’s getting late, so we should probably get some rest!” Makoto remarked, after a while. Sayaka blinked as she realized she’d been lost in thought.

           “Hey, Makoto… Before that…” Sayaka looked up at him suddenly with a beaming smile, catching the boy off-guard. “Would you mind doing me a favor?”

           “S-Sure…” Makoto hesitantly agreed. “What’s up?”

           Sayaka held her hand out with the ring still in her palm.

           “I want you to put it on me.” The idol chirped, giggling at his nonplussed expression. “I just want to put it on the right hand, y’know? You can help me, right?”

           Makoto spluttered a little at the request, but feebly he nodded and moved to comply, picking up the ring.

           “S-Sure… Uh, let’s see… right hand…” Makoto’s brow furrowed as his free hand grasped one of the idol’s, and he hesitated. “Erm…”

           Sayaka giggled at how careful he was… He really was sweet.

           “Careful now~…” The idol teased. “With the ring on the right hand, I’m searching for love… With the left hand, well~…”

           Well, she didn’t really need to say it. Judging by his increasingly frantic expression, Makoto didn’t need the additional pressure. But still, the idol found it so fun, teasing him. It definitely took her mind off of more stressful matters.

           Her eyes bugged out a little when he took her other hand, in a fit of panic… and slipped the ring onto her ring finger. It was clearly a hasty decision on his part, but he breathed a happy sigh of relief now that the choice was out of his hands.

           “That should do it…” The Luckster said bashfully as he let go of her hand and rubbed the back of his neck. “Well… I’ll see ya tomorrow!”

           Sayaka couldn’t even utter a “good night” in her frazzled state, gaze locked firmly on the ring on her hand. Even after several minutes she stayed rooted in place, lost in the whirlwind of her mind. Steadily, Sayaka released a shaky breath after a while… a fond smile tugged at her lips, in spite of everything.

           “Oh, Makoto…”

           ~*~

           Weeks later…

           “You look pretty happy.” Makoto couldn’t help grinning as he walked up to her, holding two cups of tea in his hands. Sayaka gratefully accepted one. “Munakata get a lead on your idol group?”

           Sayaka hummed thoughtfully at his guess. It was a fair assumption; she’d been hyper-focused on searching for them, after escaping Hope’s Peak.

           “… No, not yet.” Sayaka answered honestly. She sipped her tea with a serene expression, and then flashed him a pleasant smile. “You still make the best tea, Makoto…”

           The Luckster just rubbed the back of his neck modestly.

           “I dunno about that… I’d still say I’m average at it, like everything else.” He chuckled sheepishly.

           Sayaka’s smile shrank a little at his modesty. She still needed to work on that with him, like so many other things…

           “You’re not average at everything, Makoto… Not just anybody can defeat Junko Enoshima. Or get Togami to be less of an asshole. Or keep everyone together in the middle of a crisis.” Her smile grew back when she saw the Luckster shuffle his feet awkwardly. “You did those things, Makoto. No one else did – and I don’t think they even could. Not even calm, collected Kirigiri.”

           “I still think you’re giving me too much credit…” Makoto muttered. “I mean, between you and Kirigiri…”

           Sayaka just shook her head, clacking her cup on the table before looking back up at him with a serious gaze.

           “Not in there. Makoto… more than once, I was ready to just give up and commit murder like Junko wanted. That’s not an exaggeration.”

           “But…! You held yourself together!” Makoto argued back, faltering at the self-depreciating smile she flashed him.

           “All that time being antagonized by Monokuma and our crazy classmates, and you never wondered how?” Sayaka giggled softly before turning her gaze out the window. “I never would’ve made it out if you hadn’t been there with me, Makoto. I’m sure it was the same for the others… But it was especially true for me.”

           Makoto blushed a little at the way she confessed that. Her tone was soft, heartfelt, vulnerable… The idol was baring her heart to him here.

           “Well… it’s the same for me.” Makoto argued, a hand over his heart. “I wouldn’t have made it without you… without everyone… I don’t think anyone could live through a crisis of that magnitude by themselves.”

           Her smile turned bittersweet as she turned back his way.

           “I think you could’ve soldiered on without me…” She clutched at her chest, gaze slightly turning downward. “If you’d died in there… I would have broken, without a doubt. But you… Makoto, you’re so much stronger. I just know you would have carried on just fine.”

           The idol’s breath hitched as Makoto soothingly placed a hand over her hand that was resting on the table. She looked up into his eyes in surprise.

           “If we’re talking like that…” Makoto chuckled self-depreciatingly. He argued soulfully. “Maybe I would have soldiered on, but I wouldn’t have been ‘just fine’… You’re special to me, Sayaka. A part of me would literally die with you.” He argued soulfully.

           Sayaka’s eyes softened. She interlaced their fingers together, and she didn’t miss the irony that it was the hand with the ring on it.

           “Makoto…” Her tone was tender. Raw. She was truly touched by his words, feelings, and actions. And it brought her back full circle to what she’d been thinking, before he’d brought the tea…

           Makoto had kept his promise. He had helped her escape. Had helped them all to escape, the ones who survived. He’d made that error with the ring… though in hindsight, Sayaka supposed it wasn’t much of an error on his part, so much as it was her underestimating her feelings at the time.

           “… Hey, Makoto…? I’ve got a present.” The idol abruptly spoke up.

           Makoto blinked owlishly at the sudden declaration.

           “F-For me?”

           She nodded.

           “Close your eyes~…” She chirped. The boy hesitantly complied, and he felt the idol grab his other hand before slipping onto it. “Okay~! You can open them again.”

           Makoto did so, and he was stunned to find the Love Status Ring… on his left hand. He did a double-take when he saw the ring he’d given Sayaka still on her own hand. Okay, a Love Status Ring.

           “S-Sayaka…?” He trailed off hesitantly, noticing something else.

           She’d placed her gift on his left hand.

           “It’s only fair~…” The idol beamed contentedly. “You proposed to me first.”

           “P-P-PROPOSED?!” The flustered boy spluttered. He then realized… he’d switched the left and right on Sayaka’s hands, facing her.

           He’d placed the Love Status Ring on her left hand. On her ring finger no less.

           “I’m not mad,” Sayaka placated the mortified Luckster. “I’m relieved I don’t have to shift it from one hand to the other… Because I have you, Makoto. I don’t need another.”

           The pop idol then stood up and wrapped him in a warm, affectionate hug. Makoto rigidly reciprocated, too awestruck by the words and actions of his best friend. He reeled all the more when she actually kissed him. On the lips. Not too short, but definitely not long enough for Makoto to reciprocate. Sayaka drew back her head, but didn’t let up on the hug.

           “You promised to help me. To even keep me happy. Now… I want to promise you the same. Okay?” Sayaka smiled brightly, and Makoto felt so empowered by such a simple action. He strengthened his half of the hug and returned her smile with a small one of his own.

           “… Okay.”

           .... They both knew this promise was a mutual one they would be keeping for the rest of their lives.

~*~

... Weeks late, but here Day 7 is. I just wanted to write SOMETHING for the last day. XD

[bluerosesburnblue]

All Answered: 25 Emoji Asks

Tagged by @callmederok so I’m assuming this was about HPHM!

A bit of a long one (at least if you answered things the way that I did), so don’t feel like you have to do it, but I’m putting the usual tag list of @oveliagirlhaditright, @wilhelminafujita, @missnight0wl, and @batgirl-87 here.

🌟 When your OC loses all hope, who do they turn to first? What helps make them feel better? What calms them down and reassures them? Why?

The first one implies that Seren has a functioning support system, which at the current time she doesn’t. It used to be Jacob, and it will probably be Jacob again when they get things sorted out. When they were kids, he was all she had. Once they’re adults and able to stand on an equal level, though, I think it’ll be a lot better for her.

The whole problem is that once Seren gets upset, there’s very little that can get her out of it besides time. Her instinct is to withdraw somewhere private to just ruminate on everything. She used to cuddle plush toys to feel better, though I think those would get gradually replaced with the creatures that she adopts over time (it’s hard to stay sad with a crup pup licking your face!). But I think the main draw of finding solace in creatures is the fact that they make her feel “needed,” which for someone who constantly doubts their own worth is very reassuring

☀️ What makes your OC genuinely happy? A person, an item, their hobby? Where is the place they’re happiest, or most at home? What is the happiest they’ve ever been?

Again, taking care of creatures is something that genuinely makes her happy with no strings attached. Creatures don’t generally judge you and are incapable of comparing you to your brother, after all. Once she becomes an Animagus, I think turning into a raven and flying about wherever she wants would be something that makes her very happy due to the privacy of flying about unnoticed, the freedom of the movement, and the sense power that comes from mastering the skill. Also, being in animal form makes emotions simpler to process, so there’s very little that could make her unhappy for a prolonged amount of time in that form!

Relatedly, the happiest she’s ever been (at the current point in HPHM) would be her first Animagus transformation. The elation of knowing that you managed to get a very difficult bit of magic done right, pretty much by word-of-mouth on the particulars, and that the new skill would be unimaginably helpful combined with just the adrenaline of the transformation itself and relief of not having to deal with all of the precise timing stuff made it her happiest moment in recent memory

She’s happiest in private areas. Since she’s dorming and her home isn’t really a safe place for her, that ends up being the forest or the school rooftops that she can access post-Animagus

🌙 If your OC could have one wish come true what would it be and why? Would there be consequences to this wish or would they regret it once they get what they want? What would they give in return for this wish to come true?

Ooooof. Uh... that’s really hard because Seren is a Hufflepuff through and through. She wouldn’t be satisfied in the outcome of the wish unless she had to work for it. I suppose she’d probably use it on someone else or just ask them what they wanted and wish for that

If she had to wish for something for herself, though, then maybe she’d just wish for more restful sleep because she doesn’t get nearly enough. No regrets, she probably wouldn’t go out of her way to get the wish. It’d just be a nice, practical bonus to help her mental health

❄️ What makes your OC sad, so sad that they can’t help but cry all day? How do they cheer themselves up? Does their sadness upset any of their loved ones too?

Really, a better question is what doesn’t make her sad? She’s a pretty easily depressed, melancholic person when you get down to it. It wouldn’t even be sadness that would make her cry all day, but frustration at how everything seems to go wrong with the Vaults or with her friends. Stress and existential dread are huge issues for her

Covered it above that she doesn’t really cheer herself up, she just waits it out. I’m sure that the fact that she’s so difficult to cheer up makes her friends, and especially Jacob, upset, too. I guess he’ll just have to turn into a bird and incessantly attempt to cuddle up to her while tickling her with his feathers, huh?

🔥 If your OC known for having temper tantrums? If not, what gets them really angry? What makes their blood BOIL? Is there anyway to calm them down or are they unstoppable? What are they like when they’re angry? Do they take it out on their loved ones?

I wouldn’t really say that she has temper tantrums, but she does lash out a lot when she’s angry. Basically, a pissed off Seren is very volatile. She doesn’t resort to physical violence unless whoever’s offending her refuses to take the hint and leave her alone, but she’s very likely to get shouty, verbally aggressive and rude, and maybe take her frustrations out on objects in the environment. And it’s very hard to calm her down (honestly it’s hard to calm her down when she feels any strong emotions, and emotions for her are all or nothing so...)

There’s a reason that one of my best friends described her as “intense”

Things that piss her off include but are not limited to: people being hypocrites, Albus Dumbledore, unnecessary cruelty to people, unnecessary cruelty to animals or creatures, Merula Snyde, elitism of any kind (blood, species, living situation, etc.), potatoes, the implication that she likes potatoes, Albus Dumbledore and Merula Snyde, withholding of pertinent information for someone’s “safety,” being lied to, and being compared to Jacob

❤️ What would your OC’s ideal lover be like? Appearance, personality, voice? Would their family approve or would it be civil war?

Hold on, I have, like, a tiered list of Seren ships to reference here

So first of all, I don’t think she cares about appearance. Her self-confidence is low enough that the idea of anyone finding her attractive would probably far outweigh whether she finds them attractive. Though a little bit of messiness in their appearance and a bright smile certainly helps

I think the biggest thing for her would be whether they like creatures and animals. If the answer is no, then she won’t ever feel anything towards someone. It’s hard to like someone who doesn’t care for your passions. The other big things that I tend to take into account for her is the partner’s ability to handle her strong emotions. They usually always fall into two categories: cheerful and determined in a way that keeps her from falling too deep into her melancholy while also being laid back enough to counteract her anger, or quiet, calm people who sort of “absorb” her more passionate parts so that it evens out between the two of them. And being snarky doesn’t hurt

(For anyone curious, the ship list is:

Tier 1: Seren/Charlie and Seren/Talbott

Tier 2: Seren/Chiara, Seren/Orsino, Seren/Kirley, and Seren/Aurélie

Considered but Eliminated Because I Made Them Third Cousins: Seren/Barnaby

God Tier: Seren/Tuna Sandwich)

The only family who would care who she’s with would be Jacob and I think he’d approve of anyone on that list. Though fair warning: if you’re gonna romance Seren you have to be prepared for Jacob to third wheel the entire situation. You’re basically dating both of them he will not leave you alone

🕊️ Would your OC ever get married or are they already wed? If they’re married, describe what their wedding was like! If not, describe their ideal wedding (or do this if you feel like it anyway!)

I think she’d like to get married someday if she found the right person, but it’s not a particular priority. She doesn’t think about it much considering she uh... does not think she’s worth being in a relationship with

If she were to get married, I think her one specification would be that it be a small ceremony. She only has one family member who would show up and she’d be really upset if whoever she was marrying had more people there to support them than there were people there to support her (just rub it in that she’s been disowned yaaaaaaaay), so the guest list would be restricted to close family and friends only. I also think she’d prefer a wedding late in the evening and outdoors, maybe sometime in the spring or fall when the weather isn’t too hot or cold and there’s a nice breeze. Overall, it’d be a pretty casual affair

🍼 Does your OC have any children or want children? What names would they pick? Are they good with kids or a complete disaster?

Nope. Absolutely not. She has no desire for kids. She does not trust herself with kids. She is terrified that because she grew up in an emotionally abusive home that she’d be the same to her kids and she doesn’t want that. She also doesn’t want more responsibility and kids are A Lot, especially if you own a whole ton of pets already and you’re basically your brother’s entire sense of restraint. Not only does she not want kids, she hates her family line so much that she’s ecstatic that she might get to be the last Dwyn if she outlives Jacob

Ironically, though, she’s decent with kids. Though more so in the “cool aunt” way. She’s protective but also, like... an instigator who goads them into some stuff that I’m sure their parents wouldn’t approve of because Seren has weird standards of “normal and safe” (”Hey, kids! Wanna feed an Acromantula? I’ll teach you the safe way to do it!) Personally, I think Teddy Lupin considers her his aunt with how close she was to Tonks and he’s the closest to having a kid she’ll ever get

☕ Give us one (or more if you feel like it) of your OCs deep dark secrets! Why do they keep it hidden? Spill the tea!

The one thing she refuses to let anyone know about is the fact that her dad is a Squib. I know, that’s not really “her” secret to keep, but she’s a pretty honest person so she doesn’t have many. It’s not that she’s ashamed that her father’s a Squib, but just that she knows that there’s a lot of wizards who would find that something worth mocking and with everything happening with Jacob she just... doesn’t need the extra stress in her life

I mean, I guess her middle name being Aisling is a secret because she doesn’t want anyone to realize that her initials are SAD. Not really a “dark” secret, though. Her birthday’s another one, but that’s just because she doesn’t want people to go out of their way to get her gifts

And then there’s the whole “unregistered Animagus” thing that would surely get her sent to prison

(*cough* If she had a crush on someone that would be a secret, too. *cough* Wouldn’t want anyone to feel pressured to be in a relationship with her or anything. I don’t consider the First Date quest to be part of her story)

🍂 What are their opinions on the different seasons? Which one do they hate and which one do they love and why?

Hates summer because she can’t deal with hot weather, and because she’s forced to go home to parents that don’t want anything to do with her. Even when she’s an adult and doesn’t have to deal with her parents anymore she still hates it. Her birthday is in summer. She hates people celebrating it. Summer is just a sign that it’s gonna be her birthday again.

Winter is her favorite just because she likes snow (another point for being a raven Animagus: they really like rolling around in the snow and it’s adorable). The cold doesn’t bother her. And she loves Christmas.

She likes fall and spring because of the breezes, but that’s about it. She has no strong feelings for either one

🦋 If your OC could change everything (or just something) about their life would they? What would they change? What do they think would happen if they did? What would their loved ones think?

Everything? Maybe not. But not having emotionally abusive/neglectful parents would be nice. I really think that’s the one thing she’d change if she could, but there’s no good way to go about that that doesn’t screw up some aspect of her life. If her dad isn’t a Squib her never gets the job that he meets her mom at. If her mom isn’t a Muggleborn, then she doesn’t end up at the Cafe her dad worked at after leaving home. If she isn’t born a witch then she never goes to Hogwarts and meets any of her friends, and probably wouldn’t be as close to Jacob. So much of her life has been tied to it that there’s no way to change it without starting a horrible avalanche of consequences

💐 Does your OC like flowers? What are their favourites? Do they keep a garden of some sort? What flowers would they use in a flower crown? (and if you like, research the meanings behind those flowers!)

Yeah, she likes flowers a lot! Herbology’s actually her chill out class because she just likes being around them. At Hogwarts, she likes taking care of the Common Room plants (yes, I know Jane, they’re enchanted to be watered but I like to be sure) and will be keeping houseplants as an adult. Although, they’re mostly medicinal herbs and potions ingredients

She’s a big fan of water lilies and water poppies (gee, I wonder why), but she also has a fondness for odd-looking blooms like Bleeding Hearts. And the thing about flower crowns is that they’d be personalized for every person she makes one for. Actually, that would probably be a Christmas gift one year. Personalized flower crowns for everyone (probably sneak a blue water lily in each of them as a shorthand for “hey, this is from Seren!”)

🌼 Write a short drabble from your OCs POV meeting their LI (or if they don’t have a love interest, their best friend. If you don’t want to do a drabble, describe their first meeting instead!)

(The meetings for pretty much everyone are shown in-game... except for Charlie so let’s do it! Works for friendship because Seren’s slow to fall in love. Ain’t no love at first sight for her)

Her footsteps were just barely audible as she hurried down the spacious hallways of Hogwarts castle, until they were suddenly drowned out by a scream in the distance followed by a firm shout of “Riddikulus!” She didn’t stop until she was outside of the castle doors. The small Third Year leaned back against the cool stone of the castle’s exterior, closed her eyes, and breathed in the cool, late autumn air.

Ever since the boggarts had started appearing as part of the latest curse, Seren Dwyn had been making herself scarce. Part of it was due to the fact that her fellow students were quick to blame her for their appearance. Part of it was due to the fact that the boggarts always took the form of him, and she just couldn’t face him. Not yet. Not until she was certain that he was real, and that he was safe. (Besides, if any of the students who made fun of her found out that her boggart took the form of her brother, then they’d never let her live it down.)

She opened her eyes again and pushed off of the wall, kicking her feet against the ground and running her hand through the hair that fell over her shoulder. The stress was starting to get to her and she knew it. Walking around in constant fear that a boggart might show up only made them much more likely to show up, and she was far too smart to let that happen, or so she told herself. No, she just needed a way to take her mind off of them. Then she could return to the castle without the shapeshifting monsters impeding her search for the next Cursed Vault.

“...alright. Alright,” she whispered to herself in an attempt to bolster her confidence. She knew that she wasn’t technically allowed out this late, but there was only one place she was aware of to escape the boggarts and relax at the same time. And so the little Hufflepuff set off towards Hagrid’s Hut.

The long walk down had done wonders to lighten her mood, and she practically skipped up the steps to knock on the door to her favorite half-giant’s abode. She swung her fist up to pound the thick, wooden door loud enough for Hagrid to hear when she froze in her tracks. There was laughter. One of the voices was Hagrid, of course, who was so loud that he nearly drowned out the second voice. But she caught it.

Oh, stop being such a coward! she chided to herself, letting out a shaky breath that she hadn’t realized she’d been holding. Strangers always made her nervous, irrational as she knew that was. Just knock!

Her fist had barely touched the door when loud howling erupted from inside of the building. Taking that as her cue, Seren opened the door, gripped the edge of the doorway to avoid being knocked over, and allowed her favorite pup to leap up at her and start licking her face. He’d gotten so big! And, for the first time since the boggarts appeared, the girl started laughing. Genuinely, wholeheartedly laughing. And when her laughter started dying down, she noticed that it hadn’t just been her. The unfamiliar voice had joined in as well.

She looked up and her eyes finally met those of Hagrid’s guest: a boy of roughly the same age as her with a very familiar shade of red hair that he’d unsuccessfully attempted to tie back into a ponytail despite the fact that it was far too short. He was sitting on the floor, his back leaning up against the wooden crates that had been left in the corner and the pile of blankets next to him indicated that Fang had been laying down by his side. The freckles on his face highlighted his huge grin, an expression that extended up to his deep brown eyes. He was, by far, the cheeriest person she had seen in months.

He waved at her, and she could’ve sworn that she’d seen that exact same thing before. “Hello!”

“H-hi?” She waved back, and then quickly put her hand down. You’re making it awkward, ya eejit!

“You’re Seren, yeah? It’s nice to finally meet you in person! Not to be rude or anything, but Bill’s stories about you just haven’t been cutting it.”

“Oh!” That was it! She’d never talked to this boy before, but she had seen him around the castle. There were several times where it had seemed like he’d waved at her in the hallway and she’d just looked away and continued walking, assuming that he must have just been waving at someone else. But the red hair, the fact that he knew Bill... “You- you’re Charlie Weasley!”

Well, damn. Now she just felt rude in hindsight.

He didn’t seem to mind, though. If he’d even thought of those incidents at all, he certainly didn’t let it show. “Yeah! I was wondering if we’d ever run into each other. Hagrid said that you visit a lot.” He chuckled a bit. “I just thought it strange that we hadn’t once been here at the same time!”

“Charlie an’ I were jus’ talking abou’ tha’ purple Chinese Fireball tha’ they found las’ week! Ya hear abou’ tha’ one?” Hagrid asked.

Seren finally slid into the hut fully, closing the door behind her. “No. Been a bit busy,” she muttered, striding across the room and plopping herself down right next to Charlie, knowing full well that Fang would follow her to his little nest. Normally she would be nervous sitting this close to someone else, but something about Charlie just felt... safe. She glanced over at the boy and then quickly glanced away when he met her gaze. Maybe not that safe, yet. But she felt that she’d get there. “Tell me about it?”

Visiting Hagrid’s Hut that night had been a wonderful idea, she thought. And every time Charlie waved at her in the hallway after that, it took her mind off of the curses and the fear pervading the school. She had one more person around who was happy to see her, and that made all the difference.

🥀 Has your OC ever been hurt by someone they love? Ever been betrayed? Abused? Attacked? Give me the angst! (if you’d like, write a short drabble about it!)

Well, let’s see. Her mother resents the fact that she has magic and neglected her. Her father’s afraid of her because she has magic and he doesn’t and his mother used magic to abuse him. Her grandmother didn’t think she was good enough to be her heir and ignored her. Her brother disappeared on her... yeah, I’d say she’s been hurt by people she loves. Loved.

🏞️ If your OC could travel to anywhere in their world where would they go? Why? If they could live there would they?

Deep in the middle of the forest where no one can find her. Actually, despite the fact that she’s not very close to her mother, I think she’d still like to visit her mother’s homeland of the Faroe Islands. It certainly helps that they aren’t too densely populated. I think she’d mostly just want to visit because she thinks she might be able to figure out more about herself if she can see where her roots are and understand them better

I can’t see her moving there, though. It would remind her far too much of her mother and she kiiiiiiiinda wants to break away from that and just move on. That’s kinda the whole point. You can’t move on from something if you don’t really know what you’re moving on from

🏡 Describe your OCs ideal house! Give us a tour around! What’s their garden like? Their bedroom? Kitchen? Where is it and how many people live there?

So I’m just gonna describe her future shared apartment with Jacob because that’s pretty close to ideal

It’s not too big. Only a few rooms, but they each have a purpose. There’s the main sitting room and the kitchen right behind it. Down the hall is two bedrooms, a bathroom, and the “laboratory,” which is basically just a makeshift potions room because like hell are we paying for pre-made things when we can just prepare the raw materials and brew them ourselves (also experiment with potentially illegal brews just shhhhhh). Most rooms have some manner of houseplant in them. There’s a miniature Wiggentree near the front door for good luck that also houses Seren’s Bowtruckle, Durward, who protects the apartment from invaders

The whole place is filled with houseplants and small areas for Seren’s myriad creatures to settle into. Otherwise, the decor is pretty scarce, though Jacob has tons of framed pictures that he’s taken around. Muggle tech is in some spots where it would be easy to hide if they need to. Seren’s room in particular has a lot of fairy lights hanging around in it, and there’s books of every kind scattered about

There’s an entire shelf in that kitchen just dedicated to alcohol. Too much alcohol. Kids, please, I’m concerned about the way that you’re handling your mental health levels of alcohol (alcohol doesn’t do much for them. That’s what the Gillywater in the back is for.)

🔪 Has your OC ever killed someone? Ever had to defend themselves against violence? How did this make them feel? Or, alternatively, has your OC ever attacked someone? Seen someone die?

Not... yet. She has not killed anyone... yet. But she’s getting really close to trying. She’s never seen anyone die, either, but I can guarantee you that if that doesn’t change during the events of HPHM, then it will soon afterwards

As for violence and/or defending herself, well... *gestures in the direction of the entirety of HPHM* I dunno, you tell me. Though I will say that during the part where Rakepick breaks MC’s wand, I’ve always thought of it more as Seren waiting until after class to confront her and then attacking first, eventually getting her ass handed to her and her wand broken while she’s down. And I think she’d be more frustrated at herself than anything else because how could you be such an idiot of course you lost. You’re the worst. You don’t deserve to have these wounds healed just live with it. You useless failure

💎 Does your OC collect anything? Is there a reason? When did they start and is it beginning to turn into a little bit of a hoarding issue? What do they do with their collection?

Trauma. Actually, not really? Unless you want to count her creatures as her collection, but I don’t because they’re not really objects. And if you need a reason for them, I’ve mentioned it a whole bunch up above. It basically starts with inheriting Jacob’s owl and snowballs from there, though most of them are going to be given away at some point because it’s hard to take care of a lot of pets when you’ve been freshly disowned and are still unemployed

📚 If your OC was given some kind of forbidden knowledge, what would they do with it? Would they tell anyone? Use it for evil or good? How would it change their outlook on life, if at all?

Depends on what the knowledge even is. In general, she’s not big on keeping things from others for their own safety, so more than likely she’ll tell someone. But she’s also not an idiot and if it’s something like seriously, seriously so bad that it would be disastrous if even a hint of it may get out, then she may keep it between just herself and Jacob. Kinda hard to keep secrets from your mind-reading brother

There’s a very real possibility that she just will not care and continue on. Since she’s a detective it may influence the way she solves cases but... She wouldn’t use it for evil, that’s for sure. But she also may not use it for good because we never specified what the knowledge was and if it would be relevant to anything

🌗 Early mornings or late nights? What do they spend their time doing during these hours?

Late nights. The ones she doesn’t spend trying desperately to sleep and just not succeeding, she usually spends researching things that may be useful for the Vault search/detective work. Maybe a bit of experimenting or gift crafting if there’s a birthday or holiday coming up. She’s not an insomniac like her brother is, but she does share his tendency to just... not. Sleep. Sometimes. Though she’s far more likely to medicate herself to sleep

👑 If your OC was made royal (or is royal) how would they use their power? Are they a good leader or bad? Do their subjects like them or is it ‘off with their head’? Do they enjoy being royal?

If Seren was ever made royalty, then she would abdicate almost immediately. Use her position to establish a democracy and then leave. Like, that’s her whole thing. She’s a very competent leader. Very kind, but stern. Very good at shutting her emotions down and delegating. But she HATES being in charge. She prefers working alone or with 1-2 partners where everyone’s equal. So if she was ever made a royal, she’d use her power to plan for her absence, and then leave

💕 How is your OC like with physical affection? What are their boundaries? Do they enjoy being touched or is that a no-go? Is there any reason behind this?

In general, Seren is a “no touch” person. She doesn’t give affection to most people, she stiffens up when she receives it. And it’s because she’s not used to it and is constantly worried that she’s going to mess it up or intrude on others’ boundaries

She’s really only comfortable receiving physical affection from people that she’s very close to. Her brother, friends close enough to be considered siblings, potential love interests, and any possible future in-laws (though she’s more likely to reject them than others). I think the only person she’s totally comfortable giving physical affection to is Jacob. With him she can be pretty rough. But everyone else she’s much more shy about it with. She may get more bold if she’s been with a romantic partner for a long time, but in general you’d be lucky to get a hug from her

☁️ What’s something your OC wishes they could forget? Why is this? Or, what is something that your OC has forgotten? (or do both!)

Mmm. That’s hard, because Hufflepuffs are honest people and that includes being (or trying to be) honest with herself. So forgetting something would be going against that to her. I suppose if she had to pick something, she’d forget about MERULA SNYDE. Once she’s out of Hogwarts just ERASE HER FROM MEMORY SHE’S NOT WORTH YOUR TIME. Merula is just so insignificant to her and I want to see the look on “The Greatest Witch at Hogwarts’” face when, years later, the girl that she obsessively made fun of in school just looks over and goes “Who are you?”

I don’t think there’s anything specific that she’s forgotten about other than the general stuff, like some instances of kids making fun of her in Muggle school. You know, the normal stuff that just fades over time

👀 Describe your OC through the eyes of another person! (bonus + specify who)

From Jacob’s perspective:

She’s everything that he could’ve wanted in a friend. The perfect straight man to his funny guy, whose look of disinterest just makes all of his jokes sell harder. She’s smart enough to keep up with him, quick-witted enough to challenge him. But she needs to be protected. Protect her. That’s his little sister and he can’t fail her again. He loves the way her eyes light up when she starts rambling about creatures, how she takes every little adventure he comes up with and escalates it into a full-blown epic

When he sees her again it’s like that person’s not even there. Someone else is. Her eyes that were the color of the deep ocean look murky. Lifeless. The bags under her eyes rival his own. Her hair’s short now, and a mess, but he can’t help thinking how much it suits her. Makes her look like her own person and not like she’s trying too hard to be their mother. She always tried too hard to be their mother. She almost reminds him of himself, or she would if she hadn’t put so much of her own spin on everything. When she turns to him he’s worried about what she’s going to say.

“Jay, ya fecking dope. You stupid...” She sighs, tears forming at the edges of her eyes. “I missed you so much.”

Ah, there she is. That’s the Seren he remembers. So it wasn’t that she’d changed. Not really. She just stopped hiding who she was from everyone else.

❓ A random fact or short drabble! Or make up your own question to ask the OC!

Students shuffled out of the way as they saw her approach. She looked like she hadn’t slept in days (and she hadn’t) or like she was about to get into a gang fight. Her hair was even messier than normal, the bags under her eyes so deep that they could hold all of her schoolbooks and then some.

She’d stopped caring about the uniform a while ago. Her yellow tie was haphazardly thrown around her neck without even an attempt at tying it and her hands were stuffed into the pockets of the navy hoodie that she now wore at all times as she strode down the hallways. The scowl on her face was probably what kept her fellow students away, but that hardly bothered her. Better they get out of the “cursed student’s” way than risk being petrified. As though she had any control over that. As though she weren’t the one doing everything to stop those curses.

Five years. Five years of that nonsense and she was done with it. A sixth year now? Noooooo thank you. But a sixth year was what she was getting. Nothing much she could do about that except put a stop to it as fast as possible.

Find Sickleworth. Sickleworth leads you to Rakepick. When you find her, make her regret buying you a new wand. Find Sickleworth. Find Sickleworth.

Her mind was racing through all of the steps that she’d need to take and all of the possible ways that a fight with her ex-mentor could go down when something jolted her out of the mental rut she’d ended up in. A yelp, or perhaps more of a whimper. As she finally rounded the corner down to the Hospital Wing where she’d hopefully find her target, she spotted the source of the disturbance.

A tiny, tiny Crup puppy was shuffling about near the door to the Hospital Wing, doing its very best to avoid being stepped on by the throngs of students that payed it no heed. It let out a whimper again, the noise drowned out by the chatter of students, as it backed up against the wall. It seemed as if no one noticed it at all. No one except the girl in blue, anyway. She didn’t even hesitate to walk on over to the little pup and squat down in front of the trembling little thing.

“Hey, there, buddy,” she murmured, stroking the little creatures head as gently as she could. “What are you doing out here all alone?”

The tiny creature didn’t make a sound in reply. It only turned to lick her outstretched hand. She was glad that she was facing the wall at the time, because she suddenly found herself choking back tears.

“Did everyone leave you behind, too? Find some- find someone better to be around?” If anyone who knew her had heard her in that moment, they would’ve been shocked. No one had heard that kind of tenderness in her voice in months. Months that had felt like years to the quiet, somber girl.

She placed her hands around the pup as gently as she could before scooping him up into her arms and standing upright so that she wasn’t in the way of the Hospital Wing.

“I know what it’s like,” she whispered into the soft fur on the puppy’s head. “Everyone else may leave. But I won’t. That wouldn’t be fair to-”

Bang!

The tender moment was broken as an older gentleman came careening into the area, his artificial leg slamming hard into the stone wall that he must not have seen due to the decreased depth perception from his missing eye. If the students had been shuffling out of the girl’s way, then they were sprinting out of the man’s as he bellowed at the top of his lungs, “SPUD!? HAS ANYONE SEEN A CRUP- oh, Miss Dwyn!”

“Afternoon, Professor Kettleburn,” the girl said as she nodded towards the man, completely unfazed. Actually, she was much more impressed that nothing had been broken. That was a rarity with the good professor. “I ah... I assume this one’s yours?”

“Why, yes!” he replied, marching right on up to the young student. “One of our Crups just recently had a litter, you see. I was marching the little devils back to their room after a nice, long walk when I noticed that the smallest of the bunch had gone missing! Such a quiet little one, that Spud. Easy to overlook. But I see you found him! Of course you did! I should have expected one of my best students to come to a creature’s aid!”

“Yeaaaaaaaaah.” She shifted awkwardly on her feet, adjusting the puppy so that he was in a better position.

I should have expected as much. Why else would a Crup be here?

She glanced away from the man, before sighing and muttering under her breath, “So I... assume you want him back?” The magical dog licked her hand yet again, and she forced her eyes shut as she prepared to give him back.

Don’t cry in front of your professor. Don’t cry in front of your professor. Don’t cry in front of your professor. Don’t cry in front of your professor. DON’T-

“Miss Dwyn?”

Her eyes shot open as she finally met the gaze of the kindly professor. His expression was as soft as hers had been just minutes ago. Or at least, it seemed so. Sometimes it was hard to tell with the bandages covering his face.

“I’d feel terrible separating a creature from someone he’s bonded with. Especially if that person is one of my favorite students! You should keep him. He gets overlooked easily, but you... I’m certain that you would take good care of him.”

While the hallway was far from silent, it felt as though it was as the girl in blue processed her professor’s words.

“But- I- Wh... Are you sure?” she gasped out, hugging the pup closer to her body. “The... there’s no way that they’d allow me to keep him. A-a-and even if they did, I’m so busy that I couldn’t...”

“Sure you could!” The professor waved his artificial hand in a dismissive manner. “You’ve always gone out of your way to help with any and all creature related matters. I’m sure that with a good word from yours truly that Professor Dumbledore would let you keep him! You’ve more than proven that you could handle it.”

A little yip came from the girl’s arms in seeming affirmation, twin tails wagging. A few tears escaped the girl’s eyes.

“...thank you.”

“Think nothing of it, Miss Dwyn! If you wait here, I’ll go and fetch his things so that you can set up a nice little spot for him in your dormitory.”

And the man marched off, in the slightly clumsy but nonetheless upbeat manner that he always did. Still, the girl could have sworn she caught him say under his breath “No one deserves to be alone, after all.”

She leaned back against the wall, scratching her new pup’s chin and, when she thought that no one was looking, kissed his tiny head. Just being around the little guy made her feel more relaxed than... well, than she could ever remember feeling. She looked off down the way that the professor had left. She supposed that she would have to stick around for a while. Sliding down the wall into a sitting position, she placed the magical dog down on the ground to let him roam freely and smirked to herself.

“Of all things, though, why’d you have to be named after potatoes?”

[bellsadventuresworld]

What is this blog about?

As I begin my blog I would like to introduce myself and outline a little bit about what I hope to accomplish here. This is a blog about eating disorders- specifically anorexia nervosa but some content will pertain to bulimia and other types of relationships with food. Many of us struggle everyday to have a normal, healthy relationship with food that many people on the outside don’t understand. I am not here to preach recovery or tell you to get over your skull crushing fear of calories.  I know its not as easy as that...at least it isn't for me. I understand the obsession with counting and measuring everything- controlling as much of life as possible. I also know the pursuit of losing weight or becoming “perfect” is a lonely and painful journey and it can get out of hand quicker than most of us would like to admit. Though I am not a recovered individual, and I am actively trying to reach a goal weight, this blog will focus on only positive content (at least as positive as an eating disorder can be...)

You can expect to find the following here:

*A culture created by love, life, support and careful research

*Motivation to stick to your goals- you can do hard things

*Advise, tips, tricks and random thoughts from a girl who over analyzes and researches everything.   

*Most importantly, a safe space to ask questions, rant, explore and make friends

What will not be tolerated here:

* Hate has no place here- there will be no “meanspo”, harassment or bullying in the comments. We are all struggling and seeking a better life, lets not tear each other down. 

* I will not post anything that has not been fact checked and is dangerous to the point where it could cause death. ie no diets that say fasting for 36 hours and then doing an hour of cardio and 1000 crunches is a good idea or effective for weight loss. 

*This is intended to be a judgment free zone- let's check the drama at the door please  

*I will not use pro tags because I am not encouraging others to develop eating disorders (that’s a Hell I wouldn’t wish on my worst enemy). I am simply sharing my thoughts and tricks for those who already have a problem and pray that we find the strength to recover someday. This blog is for relative safety- yes, that is an oxymoron. 

You can expect to find the following types of posts here

Physiology talks: I am a medical student (I know, life is full of paradoxes) and giant nerd. I love to educate about how the body works on a chemical level and use that knowledge to accelerate weight loss while staying alive. Nothing about an eating disorder is healthy, but at least if you understand what you are doing to your body you can do it as “safe” as possible. Knowledge is power after all.

Myth busting: Debunking popular or common “anna myths” about weight loss. Let's be real, there is so much misinformation out there.

Mid week motivation: I’m not entirely sure what this will entail yet. I want to keep things safe and positive for the most part so I haven't decided if thinspo will have a place here or not. 

Low calorie Recipes: We struggle to eat. period. It causes anxiety and more drama than it should. Though most of us hardly eat, we still do have to eat. Having healthy, low calorie recipes that include our favorite “safe foods” or change our perception of food is comforting and helps us stay within our calorie limits. After all, our goal is to be thin, not dead. 

Mental health talks: This is an opportunity to vent if we need to, support one another and develop ourselves as genuine human beings. Being thin is cool and all but your personality will always be the most beautiful thing about you! Let’s not forget to work on that personal growth. I want this to be a safe space for everyone, just as it is for me. 

Productivity tips and tricks: It’s so much easier to feel good about yourself and cope with your eating disorder when life is organized and productive. Lets combat depression, lack of motivation and suicidal thoughts- they have no place here. 

If you made it this far, thank you, you’re amazing!

Cheers,

Bell

[snowdragon4]

Hungry Moon.  Chapter 3

Chapter 3….and says his prayers by night…. 

The light of the full moon gave way to the morning sun slowly, but Elsa, sitting in an icy chair she had created, wouldn’t leave her spot at the entrance to the forest.  Not until Bjorn and his men had returned.  Following the stubborn pattern of their queen, Anna, Kristoff, Sven and Olaf stayed with her throughout the entire night.  Granted they had fallen asleep hours ago, still Elsa would be lying if she said she didn’t want their company.  

Glancing at her family over her shoulder she didn’t bother fighting the smile spreading over her face.  Cuddled together for warmth from the frigid night air, Anna and Kristoff, she noticed, seemed to fit perfectly in each other’s arms.  As happy as she was for Anna, she couldn’t help but wonder what would become of herself.  It was a selfish thought, after all she should be more concerned about her sisters happiness, but insecurity always showed its ugly head.  

What would happen to her if Anna and Kristoff married?  Would she leave Arendelle?  Doubtful, she couldn’t even get rid of her last night, but Anna would have her own family, her own children.  

Her smile widened.  I’d be cool auntie Elsa. 

Still insecurities nagged at the back of her mind.  What would happen to her?  Would she be alone?  Could she ever find someone to love and would love her the way Kristoff loved Anna?  She said she didn’t care, but really it was on her mind more often then she let on.  

She looked down at her hands folded in front of her then down at the arms that held her sister tightly.  

Would she ever be held like that?  Could she ever hold anyone?

Rustling from the trees drew her attention back to the forest.  Poised for an attack she was relieved to see Bjorn and his men emerging from the woods.  However Her heart sank when she saw that they were dragging something behind them attached to the horses.  

Leaving her sleeping family, she met her guards halfway in the woods, making sure she was out of earshot when she spoke to them.  Examining the men she could see blood smeared over their skin and armor, making her fear the worst. 

“What happened?  Are you hurt?” 

Bjorn shook his head.  “This is not our blood.”  He dismounted his horse then moved to the back of the horses.  

“We tracked that… thing to some caves near the mountains.  Inside we found… them.” He gestured to four corpses, in various stages of decay, one woman and two men, strewn on the sheet.  “We also found a few more bodies in the forest.  It seems Mister Thomas had organized a hunting party.  None of them were found alive.” 

Elsa’s hands covered her mouth.  “What… did this?”

Bjorn looked at his men before running a trembling hand through his hair.  “I’ve been in a lot of battles, and seen horrible things, but I’ve never seen anything like this.”

Elsa watched Bjorn closely, and her terror grew.  The Man that she counted on to keep her and her people safe was genuinely scared.  

“All of their hearts are missing too.” One of Bjorn’s men noted.  Looking again, Elsa could see that each had their chests ripped open and their hearts were gone.  

Elsa looked away, the sight becoming to gruesome for her to handle.  “My queen,” Bjorn called after her, “I know this is a lot to handle, but we must know, What would you have us do?”

It took her a few seconds to calm herself with some deep, cleansing breaths, and once she had her composure back, turned back to him.  “Take your men and scour the woods until you find it.  Do whatever it is you have too.”  Bjorn responded with a curt nod.  “I want Dr. Rolf to examine these bodies, see if he can find anything that can tell us what attacked these poor people.  Our priority is the safety of Arendelle.” 

—:0:—

“This is a bad idea.”

“The people have a right to know.”

“To know what? That there something in the woods killing people and taking hearts?”

“If they know what’s out there they can act accordingly.  Make sure to stay in at night.”

“OR they could form another hunting party and go into those woods.”

“That won’t happen.”

“How do you know?”

“Elsa built the ice wall all around the forest.”  Anna motioned to her sister who had decided to watch she and Kristoff continue their back and forth.  

“That’s another thing.  People need to go into those woods.  There’s a well out there, Wood needs to be chopped, game needs to be hunted.  Some people have their livelihood in those woods.”

She began sputtering.  “Well we’ve already called all of our subjects to the courtyard, so… HA!  Now we have to tell them something.” 

He rolled his eyes before turning to Elsa at the throne.  “I know you both have the kingdoms best interest at heart, but telling them isn’t going to help anyone.  Especially when you have no defense against whatever it is.” 

“Sure we do!” Anna skipped the few steps to the throne before putting her hands on her sister's shoulders.  “Elsa’s got this.  Whatever is out there I’m sure it’s not match for her ice.  Right Elsa?”

Kristoff looked at the queen sympathetically.  Without sleep the night before, dark circles had formed beneath her eyes bringing out her pale complexion.  Her eyes were downcast and deep in thought, but didn’t seem to be focused on what Kristoff and Anna were talking about.  

“Elsa?”

She took a sharp inhale the second time Anna called her.  “Yes.  No match.”  

“See!” Anna rubbed Elsa’s shoulders before skipping to the doors.  “I’m gonna go check on Sven and Olaf.  Hopefully they’ve been able to gather everyone.”  

Once she had vanished, Kristoff took a seat and the base of the steps with his back to Elsa.  They were silent for a few minutes before she broke the silence. 

“Am I doing the right thing?  Telling my people about the attacks?”

Kristoff shrugged.  “If you think it is, then I’m behind you one hundred percent.  But you were hoping I’d tell you what to do huh?”

She grinned.  “It’d be nice.  This is all new to me.”

He got to his feet and extended his hand to her.  “I know, but I trust your judgment, and if you think this is the right move, I’ll support you.”  She looked at his hand but didn’t take it.  As if just remembering, he pulled his hand away.  “Sorry, I forgot.”

She shook her head.  “It’s not… I’d welcome it… someday, but not now.”  She began fiddling with her fingers.  “I just…just Anna.”

He held out his hands.  “You're not offending me at all.”  He gestures to the doors.  “After you.”

She clasped her hands together and gave a small bow of her head.  “Why thank you.”  Poised and regal, Kristoff escorted the queen of Arendelle to address her subjects in the courtyard. 

—:0:—

One week later

Elsa didn’t bother looking at the grandfather clock as its ticking continued to taunt her.  She knew how late it was, and aware that she should have been asleep hours ago.  Still she just couldn’t.  Over the past week, Bjorn and his men had come up empty when it came to hunting down the creature. There was No sign of hair, teeth, claws, hearts or bodies.  

Absolutely nothing. 

This development caused Elsa to have sleepless nights, a couple hours at the most, which in turn made Anna worry about her, which made Kristoff worry about Anna, then Sven worry about Kristoff, And Olaf worry about ... we'll everything.  

Sitting at her windowsill she stared blankly over her kingdom, knowing that with each passing second it’s occupants were expecting a solution to this problem.  The meeting with the entirety of her kingdom went as well as could be expected with mixed reactions of fear, anger, and sadness.  Afterwards Families of the victims came forward and claimed their loved ones, which had probably been the most gut wrenching part of the entire ordeal.  

Every day she was bombarded with the same  questions.  

“Have you caught it yet?”

“Why is the ice wall still up?”

“Are we safe?”

“Should we just go after it?”

Finally Elsa had to, once again, shut herself away to avoid the questions she didn’t have the answers too. 

Elsa wiped away the tears streaming down her cheeks, before they could freeze over.  What was she going to do?  How could she fix this?  Freeze the forest over and hope the creature is caught in the frost?  

Before she traveled further down that rabbit hole she was surprised by a knock at her chamber doors.  Inside she groaned at the prospect of interacting with anyone, but Looking at the clock she was both surprised and intrigued as to who could be disturbing her at this hour. 

“One moment please.” She wiped her face, wrapped a loose robe around herself to cover her nightgown, and sat back down at the windowsill.  “Come in.” 

Much to Elsa’s surprise, it wasn’t Anna, or Olaf or anyone else in her little family, but Gerda.  With A warm smile on her face and a tray with a hot teapot and cups in her hands, she approached the saddened queen.  

Gerda set the metal tray on the windowsill. “I see your still having trouble sleeping?”  

Elsa was too exhausted to argue but she still managed to mutter, “What makes you say that?”  Gerda didn’t respond, probably thinking it was useless to, and began to pour the hot liquid from the teapot into the cups.  “What is that?” 

“A special potion, capable of soothing the nerves, relaxing the tightness in your shoulders and neck, and helping to ease you into a peaceful sleep.”  She placed a small cup into Elsa’s hands.  “Camomile tea.”  

Elsa looked into the cup curiously.  She wasn’t much of a tea drinker, but at this point, being desperate for rest, she decided that there was a first time for everything.  She took a tentative sip, immediately feeling the effects as its warmth began to fill every inch of her.  She didn’t bother hiding the fact that her eyes rolled into the back of her head or the small moan of pleasure.  

It was heavenly. 

“Judging by your mewling I’m assuming I did well?” 

Elsa, eyes still closed, slowly nodded. “Where has this been all my life?” 

Gerda chuckled, taking a seat and her own cup of tea.  “Warm camomile and a hint of honey always does the trick.”

Elsa could feel her body slowly begin to unwind.  “I can understand why.” She took another sip welcoming the tea’s soothing touch.  “Thank you.”

Gerda gave a small nod of appreciation before the pair were enveloped I’m comfortable silence.  Staring out over the fjord through the window, Gerda suddenly said, “You know when I was a little girl I had an experience similar to this one.”  

Elsa had been feeling a bit drowsy until Gerda’s statement got her full attention. “Forgive me, but I didn’t know that.”

Gerda shrugged.  “It’s not something I care to discuss, but seeing as how things have become dire, I feel I should share.”  Gerda got a little more comfortable in her seat before she began.  “I lived in a small village about a day's journey at the edge of the Arendelle border and as a child I remember being told ‘Eat your vegetables or the Striga will get you’.”  She contorted herself and changed her voice to make herself seem like a comical old lady, getting a small chuckle from Elsa.  

As she laughed she asked, “I’m sorry, but What’s a Striga?”

Gerda shook her head.  “To this day, I'm not really sure, the best way I can think to describe it is an old hag like Witch similar to Hansel and Gretal.”

Elsa went a bit pale...er.  A witch that ate children? “B-but those are just stories.  Right?”

“That's what I believed.  Even when children began vanishing from my village, I was sure it was just hungry wolves or bears, but certainly not a witch.”  Gerda shuffled in her chair, getting a bit more uneasy as the story went on.  “That was until my little brother went missing.”  Elsa leaned forward.  “That seemed to be the final straw.  Eight men from my village went into the woods to search for the children, but only three came back.  Whether it was a witch, Striga, or whatever it was my village was terrified.”  She took a sip of her tea with a trembling hand.  “I thought I’d never see my brother again.”

It was easy for Elsa to see the similarities, and the thought of losing Anna horrified her.  “What-what happened?”

Gerda set her tea back down on its little tray.  “Well one of the village elders had the idea to contact the Artemis Order.  A group of men and women chosen by the goddess Artemis herself to hunt the things that normal men and women wouldn’t be able to hunt on their own.  The things that hide in the darkness of our forests and our own fears.”  Elsa’s eyes went a bit wider with wonder, as if she was a little girl again.  “Two men came to our village from Greece and the next night, my little brother was back in my arms.  He never told me the details of what happened, and I didn’t ask.  I was just so happy he was home.”

For the first time since these attacks, Elsa felt a spark of hope.  “Where can I find these men?  Can they help us?” 

Gerda’s shoulders sagged with sadness.  “I’m sorry dear, but the Artemis Order had been extinguished years ago.  Run out by the Romans, but legend says they were given asylum and the order still functions to this day.”  Gerda took another sip of tea.  “As to where you can find them, I believe your future in-laws have the answer to that.”

—:0:—

This had to work, it had to.  Gerda had made Elsa finish her tea and though the “potion” had done its job and relaxing the anxious queen, she couldn’t afford to sleep now.  As soon as her tea had finished, and Gerda had left her chambers, Elsa had changed her outfit, grabbed a traveling cloak and saddled a horse.  The moon was only less than a half and didn’t give much light, but she had made this short journey before and now it was just memory.  

She had to be quick and quiet, the last thing she wanted was for her kingdom to see her sneaking into the woods when she had told them how dangerous it was.  As she travelled through the darkness she held onto the fact that the forest had been calm for the past week, so in theory, she should be safe.  

Right?

Approaching the trolls quarry she took notice that all the round stones, trolls, had gone.  Figuring they must be hiding, She dismounted her horse and began calling out.  

“Grand poppy?!  Hello!  Is anyone out there?!”  

“Shhh.”  

Elsa nearly leapt out of her skin when she heard the “shushing” below her.  Slowly a small stone-like mound began to emerge from the dirt beneath her feet.  Once free from the sand, the female troll put her finger to her lips.  

“Shhh.  We don’t want that thing finding us.”  She hushed. 

Elsa knelt down to her level.  “There haven’t been any attacks for the last few days.  I think your people are safe.”

She began burrowing into the dirt again.  “Well better safe than sorry.”

“Wait!” Elsa slapped her hands over her mouth when she realized she was a bit loud.  “Sorry, but I need to speak to Grandpoppy.”

“Elsa,” the queen turned around just as another troll, the eldest began to emerge from the ground, “I’m sorry, but I can not help you with this.  It’s much to dangerous for us.”

Elsa knelt down beside him.  “Do you know what is attacking us?”

He shook his head.  “A creature unlike anything we’ve ever seen before.  Something not native to these lands.”  

She was disheartened by the fact that he didn’t know what they were up against, but there was still hope.  “I’m not asking you to risk your lives.  I was hoping you knew about the Artemis Order.”

Grandpoppy’s ears twitched along with soft rumblings coming from the ground around her.  “Unfortunately Elsa, the Artemis Order is no more.  The Romans forced them from Greece many, many years ago.”  Once again Elsa began to feel the hollowness of despair.  “But they were given sanctuary in the high mountains, and eventually became assimilated with, the Knights of Kuarlong.”

Elsa’s mouth dropped slightly.  Had she heard him right?  “Th-the Knights of Kuarlong?  You mean?”

Seeing her excitement, he chuckled.  “Yes, your highness, Kuarlong is also home to the Dragon Knights.”  

Her mouth dropped further.  The Dragon Knights, and the knights of Kuarlong were real?  “So the Artemis Order still exists, they just go by a new name.”

He nodded.  “And they still maintain their oath of helping others fight those that lurk in the darkness..”

Elsa scooted closer to him.  “Grand poppy, I need to get a message to them.”

He held out his hand.  “Say no more.  Wait till tomorrow night and we shall have a response for you.”  Grand poppy dug himself back into the ground, the crystals around his neck glowing a bright yellow that could be seen from under the dirt.  Along with his glowing crystals glowing lights traveled underground leading further into the forest and out of sight.

True to his word, the next night Elsa had received a message from the trolls that Kuarlong would be sending two representatives within the next few days to help with the creature.  This, along with chamomile tea, was finally able to help Elsa rest.

Note: Kuralong and the Knights of Kuarlong and Dragon Knights are my creations.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/13314313/1/Hungry-Moon

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/13314313/2/Hungry-Moon

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/13314313/3/Hungry-Moon