#i hope the image ids are okay im still getting used to writing those

[dilfsuzanneyk]

Burnout by me / Fallen Angel by Alexandre Cabanel

[silverbladexyz]

Hiiii congrats on 100 followers!! I was wondering if I could get a match up? Maybe mentor or sibling figure? Happy either way tho. I know I sent this in a little late so please ignore this if you've got too many requests :)

I use any pronouns, mbti is infp-a, I'm caught up with the manga but I haven't yet read the light novels!

It might take a bit of time but I get along with most people, I really try not to at times but as soon as they tell me even something remotely personal to them I tend to get soft ;; though id say, it's very difficult for me to get along with people who blame other people for their own mistakes and then just sit there crying about it when it's completely on them. If something is your fault and you start to get overwhelmed because of it that's totally okay and I understand, it's just when they blame other people that pisses me off. Those are the kind of people I really dislike but if u give me enough time with them I'm sure I'll warm up eventually. ANYWAY

im very into reading, art and animation, I like to make jewelry and do embroidery, baking and dance, and I play bass. That's all that comes to mind for hobbies I don't really do many extracurriculars in my free time either I use to do a few martial arts but that was a few years ago now :p

Anyway thank you very much ♥️ hope ur having a good week and I hope ur blog continues to grow and thrive :DD

Also fr just ignore this if its too late

Hi anon!!! Thank you for the kind words >.< and it was quite nice writing your matchups, so enjoy :)

The images used are not mine. They belong to their original owners.

Calculating...

Your mentor is... FYODOR DOSTOEVSKY!!!

-Fyodor is an intense mentor; he would be training you nonstop for your missions. He will give you breaks, however these breaks are short-lived. Literally when you've sat down and had a breather, he would start to teach you again

-He likes how you're quiet and observant. Fyodor doesn't really see anything wrong in observing other people before interacting with them; in fact, he encourages it even. He does give you some tips if you're suddenly forced into conversation with someone, because sometimes it happens on missions and he would hate it if you couldn't handle it well

-Fyodor was not expecting your talkative side anytime soon. On one hand he's glad how you don't trust people easily, but on the other hand he's slightly confused on why you kept it hidden for so long. He thinks that with the right training, your energetic side would be quite beneficial in missions

-He also appreciates how you communicate. Fyodor isn't someone who is really in touch with emotions, and he prefers keeping conversations straightforward and logical. Communicating through writing is probably more efficient because Fyodor is a very busy man, so he wouldn't have a lot of time to have a full-on face to face conversation

-Learning new things? Ask and you shall receive. Fyodor has a lot of knowledge hidden in that anaemic self of his, and he will gladly teach his dear student anything that you asked him to. When he's teaching you, he has this way of keeping lessons informative and interesting, so interesting that you never want him to stop teaching. He secretly likes your willingness to learn

-Affection? There is nothing more foreign in Fyodor's vocabulary book. I wouldn't recommend touching him though, because not only would it be awkward, his skin is also cold as ice and not to mention there's the danger of his ability accidentally activating. But compliment him, give him some hand-made gifts, and he will slowly get used to it. It still is kind of awkward for him, but I'm sure he can manage it

-Fyodor also likes your artistic hobbies. I'm pretty sure he would drop you some book recommendations to read in your spare time, and he has really good taste in books. He will look at and compliment your artworks and embroidery, and even listen to you play bass! Needless to say, he is a lover of art and he is secretly happy that his student shares the same love

-Nowww Fyodor will most likely teach you the skills of conversation. Such as how to gather information, how to gain someone's trust quickly, how to manipulate someone even; needless to say, you wouldn't have social anxiety anymore 👍

-He would make one of his subordinates teach you self-defence. Your martial arts experience comes in handy, because being part of Fyodor's organisation is quite dangerous. Even when Fyodor makes sure you don't run into too dangerous situations, it's still better to be safe than sorry

-Apart from your lessons, Fyodor wouldn't really have a lot of spare time to spend with you. So he might ask Ivan or Nikolai to keep you company, but in his (rare) breaks he would be perfectly happy to spend time with you, perhaps even engaging in conversation with you every now and then

-He cares for you in his own way. Your missions have lower risks than the other subordinates, because Fyodor plans it all out and makes sure that there's nothing you can't handle. Even when he's still his own nonchalant self around you, he is secretly more relaxed when he's around you

-Nobody dares to mess with you, because who would want to mess with the devil's student? You definitely get some privileges, because Fyodor’s subordinates all respect you and listen to you. If someone still dares to pick a fight with you then say goodbye to them because they won’t wake up the next morning

-Chess games! You always lose but it’s fun playing against Fyodor. He teaches you a few tips and tricks, and even if you know nothing about chess he still makes it a fun experience. I’m pretty sure that under his guidance, you could become a state chess player

-Fyodor is a very interesting mentor... and he teaches you what he knows so that one day, you will succeed him

And last but not least, your sibling figure is... NIKOLAI GOGOL!!!

-He’s quite a chaotic and interesting brother figure

-Nikolai didn’t really mind your quiet personality at first; he’s already used to Fyodor. He would continue to talk with you energetically, and I feel like he would be the type of person you would click with

-He was pleasantly surprised at your talkative and affectionate side. Nikolai feels honoured that you trust him enough, and he is so going to reciprocate the platonic affection x10. Basically complimenting you everyday, hugs, headpats, even piggyback rides if you asked for it

-He lovessss receiving your handmade gifts. Nikolai basically goes ‘did you make this for me?’ before showing it to everyone and saying how awesome his little sibling was. He also tries giving you his own hand-made gifts, and even when some of them may be weird, the thought’s still there

-I feel like he might like art too. Drawing and painting? You could draw anything and Nikolai would hang it on his bedroom wall. Making jewellery and embroidery? Just tell Nikolai and he would immediately be aweing at your handiwork. He finds dancing very cool and would be down to learning it from you. And baking? Just say the word and Nikolai is immediately getting all the ingredients and equipment for you

-Would totally want you to teach him bass. Mostly so that he could mess around with Fyodor, but he will sometimes be serious and play a piece on the bass. You should advise him to watch Davie504 (he’s an awesome bassist and youtuber)

-Nikolai would also love to teach you anything that you asked for. Such as how to fight an opponent, how to keep a conversation interesting, and even some magic tricks! He loves doing small magic shows for you, especially when you’re upset. He likes it when you laugh, because your laughter is so precious to him

-Please but if you’re upset, he would listen to you rant or cry and afterwards would say a few words of encouragement. Would also give you hugs, but these hugs last longer and have far more deeper meaning. Nikolai cares about you a lot and just wants to see you happy and free

-That one time somebody hurt you, he immediately took care of them. No questions asked. And let’s say that the way that he took care of them was not the prettiest to say the least...

-Anyways, he loves taking you out to places to hang out! Such as amusement parks, circuses, fun fairs, you name it! Nikolai loves spending time with you, and why not spend some time together doing fun stuff? Of course, he also is perfectly happy staying in comfortable silence with you too

-An eccentric but caring older brother otherwise. Nikolai seeks the ultimate freedom for both of you

Sorry that this was kinda late!

[dasomlimie]

Heyyy! I hope ur doing okay if ur requests r open can l request reader asking if she can see whats under sanzu’s mask like that one scene in naruto where he tried so hard to see kakashi’s mask something similar and funny like that take ur time l love ur work <333

%% BEHIND THAT MASK! #!/

characters : aged up!—Sanzu Haruchiyo

a/n : i cant believe im rewrtiting this sorry if this is half assed tumblr didn't save my draft earlier, enjoy ig

Sanzu Haruchiyo..... your masked bf sometimes you were wondering what behind that mask but ofc you wanted to respect his boundaries and dont want to make him uncomfortable, but curiousity start to eat you alive so you have a little plan in your mind

sometimes there's a lot of idea in your mind on why Sanzu didn't remove his mask, maybe he have big lips that unmatched with his face future? or maybe he have crooked teeth? or even worse he doesn't have mouth! but you scratched the last idea since how did he speak if he doesn't have mouth? his nose? yeah that idea once stuck in your head but you decided to remove it because it doesn't make sense at all

you called Sanzu to meet you up infront of a restaurant which he agreed since maybe you were hungry and he is too, you greet Sanzu before taking his hand and walk into the restaurant with him

"today is my treat" you said smiling he raise an eyebrow you were cheerful more than usual "did something good happen?" he ask you shook his head "nope i just wanted to spend time with my lovely boyfriend" you said he nodded start looking at the menu

"are you ready to order?" he ask after a few minutes you nodded letting him call the waiter, you both said your order as the writer write down your order, you noticed Sanzu's order was a heavy meal he probably going to remove his mask

you smile to yourself before mentally patting yourself for coming up with this idea as soon as your food arrived you stare at Sanzu causing him to raise an eyebrow "whats up my love?" he ask you shook your head "nothing eat up" he nod "you too" you nod

you stare as he was about to remove his mask until your phone start ringing you look at the caller ID noticing it was your boss you look at Sanzu "eat first i have to answer this call" you said he nod as he watch your figure walking out from the restaurant

you listen to your boss rant about how her husband keep cancelling their date and how she think he was cheating on her while you were wondering why the hell your boss telling you all of this as she finally hang up you walk into the restaurant only to be greeted by Sanzu scrolling through his phone you blink

"oh baby! what took you too long? oh and im sorry i finished my food first i haven't eat since yesterday" he said giving you closed eyes smile you nod sitting "did you forgot to eat again?" you ask he nod "im very busy yesterday and just go to sleep as soon as i got home" he said you nod

attempt 1 : failed

"want some?" you ask offering your food he shook his head "im full already" he said you nodded visibly deflated "whats up pretty girl? you were all cheerful a while ago" he said chuckling you shook your head from side to side finding a reason and decided to use your boss phone call as your reason "she did it again" you said he pat your head

"did she start ranting to you again? what was is about?" he ask you sigh "about her husband this and that you know the usual why don't they just divorce?" you said leaning to your chair

"maybe you should find a new job if you were that sick of your boss personal life rant" he said you nodded "yeah i should" you said

the second attempt might make him mad but what is life without a little thrill and spice right? right.

you took a deep breath before apologizing gripping the tray in your hand you walk inside the room smiling at Sanzu you walk toward him then purposely trip yourself

you watch everything happen in slow motion how the juice flew and wetting his mask you cheer silently before your face kiss the floor you groan but being muffled by your carpet Sanzu gasp ignoring his wet clothes and mask

"y/n?! are you okay? oh my why are you suddenly become clumsy?" he ask as he help you to get up you have to swallow your image its not even 6 month into your relationship here you are doing stupid things just to what behind his mask

he hiss when he saw your red forehead with a little bloody lips "we should get that lips treated" he suggest you nodded "let me put this away your hoodie was in my closet along with extra mask" you said silently before walking out from the room leaving a little space for you to peak in

you feel your cheeks heat up as you watch his half naked body you silently cheer as he was about to remove his mask when your doorbell rang causing you to curse silent

you keep debating either to look and discover what behind your boyfriend mask or to answer the door you were deep in thought when Sanzu clear his throat his cheeks tinted with rosy pink just like his hair

"i didn't know you're that type of person" he said clearing his throat again you look up before cursing yourself "oh no you got the wrong idea let me go and answer the door ok?" you said walking a little bit too faster "be careful!" Sanzu called as he look you who almost tripped twice

attempt 2 : failed

you look at Sanzu as you keep following—more like stalking—him you tried to make sure you didn't lost him maybe he would remove his mask at the most random time especially when he's alone? yeah thats what you think ,you were now dressed in all black outfit paired with black cap and black mask

yup much like a stalker

you watch him keep turning and leading you to a dark hallways wondering what he was doing here, little did you know he noticed you following him but didn't have any idea it was his girlfriend

"fuck" you curse silently as you lost him you were about to take another turn when someone pull you to opposite turn you yelped both in suprise and pain when your back make a harsh contact to the cold and dirty wall you hiss from how strong someone's grip on your hands is

"who are you and why are you following me?" he ask you stay silent too scared to answer him, Sanzu chuckle "why are you all silent? acting all scared are we?" he said you shiver under his sharp gaze

"i ask you questions" he said you shut your eyes he sigh annoyed and start to loose his patients then decided to remove both your mask and cap you felt his grip on your hands loosening

"y/n?" he said in softer voice than earlier you still shut your eyes tightly slightly trembling "darling look at me" he said as one of hand slither to your waist while the other cup your cheeks thumb caressing your cheeks "open your eyes my love im not going to hurt you" he said you open your eyes slowly meeting his soften gaze

"why are you following me like that? i thought you were one of those people who tried to get me again" he said chuckling you didn't answer instead hugging him burying your face into his chest

"did i scare you that much?" he ask you shook your head as a no, you were actually embarassed of yourself for doing dumb thing to get him to remove his mask

"then why?" he ask hugging you close to him "im sorry" you said he raise an eyebrow "why?" "im sorry for doing dumb thing lately and following you like earlier" you said he chuckled you look up to him

"i get it now" he said removing you from him gently then cup your cheeks with both of his hands "you know you can just ask right?" you pout "i just dont want to make you feel uncomfortable" he shook his head

"you will never im actually waiting for you to ask me by yourself" he said you nodded "then can i uh you know" he nod letting you remove his mask

heart beating loudly Sanzu was prepared from any insult from you yet nothing came our from your mouth, does he freak you out? he was about to apologize when you whispered out a very unexpected word he expects you to say

"beautiful" you said he froze not believing what he just heard "what?" he ask for confirmation "i said beautiful" you repeat before caressing his scars with both of your thumb he sigh in relief

"really? i thought you were going to freaked out" he said you shook your head with confused face while your attention was still on his face "why would i?" you ask

"people always told me its disgusting i thought you would too but apparently not im relieved" you heart broke a little from his words "who the hell said your scars is disgusting?! let me beat them up" you said with determination he shook his head "its okay you were an absolute angel i cant imagine you beating people up" he said pressing a kiss on your forehead

"you look hotter without mask" you whisper he smile "is that so?" he ask you nodded then cover his face with his mask "and only me can see you my beautiful and handsome and hot boyfriend without his mask no one can see your full face they would fall for you" you said he chuckled before ruffling your hair

"whatever you say angel" he said you smile as he lead you out from the hallway just so your know he would use your silly attempt to tease you in the future

attempt 3 : successfully failed

!%! © HNEULWH— i did not allow my work to be used or adapted in any form without my permission !#//

[edgelordatlantic]

Reagan Ridley general hcs !!

im self projecting.

reader has social anxiety bc i said so

this is like after shes warmed up to you and your friends bc i dont feel like writing the background and blah blah blah

-

+ she hates seeing you lonely !!

+ she knows you have a hard time talking to people and connecting in general and she totally gets that

+ if she ever comes to lunch and sees the rest of the gang eating and chatting at one table and your alone at another table secretly wanting them to invite you over , she'll come be with you !!

+ she'll even sit directly across from you to try and block the view of everyone else to somewhat block them out , despite her short figure

+ she is also short bc i said so and i am the ceo of Reagan hcs 🤨🤨

+ id say nothing below 5'4 or above 5'7 , she just seems like a 5'6

+ she'll listen to music with you for sure

+ she had always kinda wanted to get into the habit of listening to music in hopes of getting a coping mechanism out of it but she never knew where to start

+ one day you suggested she listened with you and she was like " lmao okay sure " so you gave her a headphone and she actually rly liked your music taste

+ also , just to paint the image that in my head , you two are sitting at the lunch table still except now shes right beside you and you guys are using wired earbuds so you guys are pretty close to each other and either you or Reagan lay their head on the others shoulder , i can see it working either way

+ she also loves black coffee , any other coffee makes her want to puke

+ it also helps her poop and knowing her she would be so constipated without it ...

+ okay not the poop hcs 💀

+ she also checks up on you a lot , like 6 times a day a lot

+ every morning when you meet at work she always goes " have you eaten ?" and if you say no she'll rummage through her tote bag thingy and pull out a granola bar and kinda like slam it against your chest to make you grab it ( idk how to describe it but ive seen it in like movies and stuff lol ) and then go " Im gonna text you in a half hour and your gonna have finished it , okay ?"

+ she might seem rude but she's doing it out of love in her own way <3

+ if you say yes she'll ask what you had and blah blah blah cool conversation with super pretty smart and cool Reagan lol

+ she also frequently checks to make sure your hydrated and getting good sleep bc she knows shes not doing either of those things

+ lmao these are so boring sorry i am just v sad atm and i am v alone 😍😍

[yanderebtsstorytime]

Can I please request yandere jin where he is like a nerd at school and nobody really notices him until the reader does, so he become real clingy with the reader🥴🤙

The Nerd And His Queen

HighSchool was always hard. Weather it was from the homework, your classes, or the social standing you’re put in, it’s hard. That was no different for Jin, a young man who was just trying to get by with everyone passing his way not realizing he was a class mate.

And that was no difference for (Y/n), a young girl whom everyone seemed to know and like. They were so different, and never would have really even been thought to cross paths. But here they were sitting together in chemistry.

“You’re Seokjin, right?,” She ask with a soft smile. He looks over to her and his eyes are big for a second, before he removes his pencil from his mouth.

“Uh! Um yeah, that’s me,” He says and she smile nodding, “Want to be partners for the projects?,” She ask and he nods, “Yeah...if you really want to,” He says offer a slight smile. “Okay! Here, here’s my number, class is almost over so we should hangout after school and get started,” She says writing her number on his note book.

Just then the bell rings, and she stands putting her backpack on, “Remember, message me and we’ll start today!,” She says with a smile before she walks out of the class. Jin just sits there for a second looking at the notebook before, he packs his things up and leaves.

-

-

-

‘What if it’s a trap... is she’s gonna make a joke out of me’ he thinks as he sits on his bed having just gotten out of the shower. The number was already typed into his phone, but he wasn’t sure he should send a message.

“Fuck it,” He says out load as he starts to type out his message. He sends it without looking, and within sends of his sending it there’s a ding, telling him someone has replied.

(Y/n)- JIN, I hope you don’t mind if I call you that. BUT JIN YOU FINALLY MESSAGED ME, I didn’t take you for a busy guy after school. What did you do after school?

Jin- Sure, I don’t mind. I work at my dads company after school, so I don’t really have time for after school stuff on the weekdays, except Friday.

(Y/n)- Ah okay, that’s pretty cool! So would you be okay to hangout and work on the project this Friday then?

Jin- Yeah that’s okay.

(Y/n)- Okay, hey can I get a picture of you for your contact photo?

Jin- um sure, one sec

He moves quickly from his bed to throw on a hoobie to cover up his bare chest before he takes a deep breath, and takes a pose snapping a few pictures.

Jin- Here you go

He watches the three small dots on the screen tell him you’re typing. His heart starts to pick up pace a little as he waits, “Why am I so worried,” He ask before his phone dings.

(Y/n)- Oh~ that hoodie looks comfy. Thank you so much here’s one for me. I’ll leave you alone for the night. See you in class tomorrow, and sweet dreams!

-Image attached

Jin looked down at the photo of her and he smiles slightly at seeing the small grey bags under her eyes. “She must have taken off some makeup, she normally looks so well rested,” He says as he puts it as her ID photo.

-

-

-

“Jin, what is this?,” She ask as she leans over and points at a question on her paper, “It’s a chemical imbalance,” He says, “Yeah, but why... everything looks fine,” She says and he chuckles, “No, here watch,” He says as he starts to explain the answer, and show her how to figure everything out.

“How are you this smart man,” She says with a grumpy face, “I thought chemistry was supposed to be easy!,” She says, “It’s okay, not everyone understands it,” He says with a smile, “Guess that means you’re not like everyone then,” She says and his face turns red for a second causing her to giggle.

“Want to hangout after school today and finish the project? That is if you have time,” She ask, and he nods, “Yeah, we can go to my house after school if that’s okay,” He says and she nods.

-

-

-

“Let’s go there, I’m a bit hungry, aren’t you?,” She ask as her and Jin walk side by side down the street away from the school yard, “Yeah, I could go for a bite,” He says and they start their walk towards the small café just insight of the school.

Once they get their they make their wa towards the front, “Hi could I get one Vanilla bean Frappe, with two shots of hazelnut, and a chocolate drizzle. As well as a chocolate muffin, and a chicken sandwich. Oh and whatever he wants,” She says stepping aside allowing Jin to make his order while she looked for her wallet in her backpack. “Hi um could I get a vanilla ice coffee with a caramel drizzle, and um, a chicken sandwich as well,” He says and the cashier nods.

“That’ll be 17.93$ please,” The cashier says, and (Y/n) nods stepping forward handing the cashier her card. “(Y/n) go ahead and find a seat I’ll wait for our stuff to be done, and then bring it over,” Jin says and she nods stepping away from the counter to find a stop in the corner away from everyone.

Jin watches her with soft eyes, and as she seems to stop paying attention to those around her her smile drops. Her once happy, bright face seems to disappear, only to be replaced with a tired and sad look. Jin looks at her with a sad face before he grabs their stuff and walks over to the table. This is has happened a few times since they’ve hung out.

Upon hearing him walk towards her, her face returns to its normal self all bright and happy. “Hey, you’re back!,” She says all up beat, “Yeah... hey can I ask you something,” He ask sitting down across from her. “Sure, what’s up?,” She ask, “Well I don’t know if it’s okay, I mean we’ve only been talking for about 4 weeks now but... are you okay?,” He ask.

“What?,” She ask looking a little amazed, “Are you okay, I’ve spotted you a few times just... you sometimes just look so tired, so sad...,” He says trailing off a little. Her face drops at hearing him, before she grabs her stuff off the tray and starts to eat her muffin.

“Do you remember elementary school, and some of early middle school?,” She says and he raises any eyebrow, “Um yeah, why?,” He ask, “You and your friends were so cool, it was always the 7 of you that everyone wanted to be like, that I wanted to be like... you guys were just... amazing. I moved here in the 3rd grade, and no one really noticed me, but I knew everyone. I tired to make friends, but no one really wanted to know me. Well no except you... I don’t even know if you remember,” She says with a smile as she shakes her head.

“You were one of the first people to ask me to play with you and your friends at recess. And then everyone just started to like me, everyone wanted to be near me. We hit middle school, and all of your friends moved away. It was just you and me, but you slowly slipped away and for the next few years, and everyone chose me over you,” She says shaking her head, “It was so weird how nice everyone was...when before no one saw me. I’ve heard so many people talk about me behind my back, and then play nice when I’m in front of them,” She says before she sighs and leans back.

“I just don’t understand how you did it. How you managed with all those people that were so nice to you, but so mean when you weren’t around... it just makes me so tired... I’m just so tired of everyone that smiles at me, and that I have to smile back at,”She finishes, and laying her head on the table closing her eyes. Jin looks down at her and then slowly lays his head on the table as well. 

“You know that’s why people stopped liking me. I didn’t smile back at them when they smiled at me,” He says and she opens her eyes, “After all my friends left I didn’t feel well. I could manage to smile, it took less then a month of them being gone for my parents to take me to the doctor, and for them to put me on something in order to help with my depression,” He says as both of them sit up.

“I’m so sorry,” She says, “It’s okay, it was hard at first but after awhile I understood that somethings happen and that you can’t change them. Plus all of us still keep in contact and meet up ever chance we get,” He adds and she smiles nodding, “That’s good... hey, you aren’t gonna tell anyone about how I feel, right?,” She asks, “Why?,” He ask, “My parents go to extreme with stuff like this... my brother said he was sad once and my parents put him in a mental hospital,” She says and he nods.

“Yeah I promise to keep it a secret, as long as you tell me when you feel low,” He says and she smiles nodding, “Will do,” She says. After that they just seemed to talk about everything while they ate. A new relationship started to grow, and the more they talked the stronger that relationship became. They now understood they had someone who they could talk to, someone they could trust.

-

-

-

“(Y/n),” The familiar voice says causing the girl to turn and smile at the person it belonged to, “Good morning Jin, how’d you sleep,” She ask and he nods, “Good, and you?,” He ask, “Amazing, come on we can walk to chemistry together!,” She says and he nods allowing her to take his arm as they walk down the hall.

A few people stop and stare at the 2 unsure of what was going on, but they paid them no mind as they talked about whatever came to mind while they walked. “Hey, I’ve been meaning to ask. My family is headed out of town this weekend to go to a lake house. I didn’t want to go this year, so I was thinking you could come over and we cold chill out and watching some movie,” She says and Jin’s face turn a bit red before he nods.

-

-

-

(Y/n) swings the door open happily and welcomes Jin into her home, “Hey im so happy you could come. Come on in,” She says and he walks into the house holding his bag closely. “Wow your house is really nice,” He says as she lead him upstairs towards her room to his stuff there for now. “Yeah, my dad designed it,” She says as she opens up her bedroom door to reveal a large aesthic room with the main color being (F/c) being everywhere.

“Just put your stuff anywhere, I’m gonna go grab some stuff so us to eat and drink while we watch movies, and stuff,” She states before rushing out of the room off somewhere. Jin places his bag down, and starts to look around. He goes for the dresser first, and very quietly pulls open the top drawer examining the contents inside.

He had been in the room 24 times now, but this was the first time (Y/n) had been awake and knew he was in here. It made him feel tingly inside at the thought of being caught looking into his (Y/n)’ underwear drawer but he enjoyed seeing the colors she had clean, and sometimes got to see new pairs she had bought that exact day. 

He picks up his favorite pair, a pair of black Victoria secret one, that always seemed to smell like her no matter how many times she washed them. Today was no different as he raised them to his nose and took a deep breath. “Jin, come here I need your opinion!,” (Y/n) yells and he jumps quickly, placing them back in their spot before, closing the drawer and waking towards what he assumed was the kitchen.

“So I was thinking M&Ms but- hey are you okay? You looked spooked,” She says and he smiles. “Yeah I was looking at your photo’s when you yelled, nearly gave me a heart attack,” He says and she smiles walking over to him giving him a hug, “Sorry Jin, now come help me,” She says pulling him towards the snacks. He hugs her from behind and listens to what she has to say before giving his thoughts here and there.

-

-

-

The girl sat next to him crying her eyes out. Jin smiled down at her, “You okay?,” He ask moving closer placing his arm around her shoulder. “How could he do that?,” She cries as more tears run down her face. Jin chuckles and pulls her closer, “It’s okay he’s not real anyway,” He says and she sniffs.

“I’m so happy you’re not like that,” She says as Jin wipes her tears. They make eye contact for a second before Jin leans in for a kiss only for her to move away. “What are doing!,” She ask standings from the bed. “I thought you.... I... did you want to kiss?,” He ask and she sign, “No... god I think of you as a brother,” She says walking over to the tv, “So you don’t like me?,” He ask.

“No!,” She reply’s, “Then why did you invite me here?,” He ask getting up as well walking towards her, “You’re always talking about how amazing I am, and how happy you are around me!,” He yells and she turns to face him, “THATS BECAUSE YOURE MY FRIEND JIN!,” She yells and Jin scoffs, “Well I want more then that. I don’t just want to be your friend,” He reply’s.

“Then I guess you’ll have to get over it,” She says putting in another movie, “Or I could just take what I want,” He says, “What-!,” He grabs hold of her throat and squeezes tightly. “Don’t struggle, I’m not trying to kill you just make you pass out,” He says as she’s struggles against his hold, “Ji-,” He squeezes hard, “Shhh, just relax. Everything will be okay,” He says before she passes out do to lack of oxygen.

Her body goes limp, and he picks her up making his way towards the door out of her room.

•MasterList•

[hailqiqi]

Here

Look who’s back from a three month writing slump!

So I saw this picture by the incredibly talented @artemisarya and... I had to fic it.

This is really more platonic than shippy. Even though they’re naked.

Quick shout-out to @astraearose for the impromptu title help.

1,244 words / Hurt/Comfort

On AO3 here.

The shrill scream brought him back to himself with a rush of heat and steam and sound.

“Shit!”

His back hit the cooler side of the bathroom door seconds later, the image of a naked Pidge with shampoo in her hair bringing him more self-disgust than arousal. They’d been using the Castle’s shared bathroom for over a year now. How the fuck had he managed to miss the sound of the shower?

The same way he’d managed to miss—

“Lance?”

Pidge’s voice was gentle, and not nearly angry enough. Lance closed his eyes. Maybe he could pretend he’d left already, and then he wouldn’t have to face her. He could grovel in the morning. They could pretend everything was fine.

That plan went to hell when the door slid open. He flopped backwards with a cry of surprise, saved from an untimely meeting with the metal flooring only by the girl herself.

“Are you okay?! What were you doing on the door?”

“I…” Lance let her help him to stand upright before turning around, careful to avert his gaze from how she clutched at a towel to protect her modesty. “I...I guess I wasn’t thinking.”

I guess I’m good at that.

Pidge blinked at him, concerned. “Right. Look, you obviously need to…” she trailed off, glancing briefly at his chest before continuing. “Ah... shower, and I don’t mind waiting, so you go first, okay?”

Her words didn’t make sense. “I go first…?” he repeated. “But you’re already…”

“Yeah, but, obviously you need to wash more…” She gestured vaguely at his bare torso with her free hand. “And I’m like, half-clean already, so I don’t mind just calling it a night.”

Oh. Right. The blood.

She was already inching her way around him when he found the wherewithal to respond, something unpleasant curling in his gut. “No, you stay and finish. I’ll just wait.”

“Look, Lance, you obviously need to—”

“Stay,” he said firmly, grasping her shoulders and moving her back in front of him. “Please. I’d feel worse if I knew I’d kicked you out of your shower after barging in on you like that.”

Her mouth fell open, as if to argue, and he cut her off. “You wouldn’t be doing me any favours.”

She stared at him, disbelieving, and he looked away rather than meet her gaze. Wisps of steam floated in the air behind her, and the only sounds were the low humming of the ship and the steady drip, drip, drip where Pidge obviously hadn’t turned the water off properly.

Warm fingers curled around his. “You can join me, then.”

His gaze snapped to hers. “What—?”

“Don’t make it weird, Lance,” she huffed, already tugging him into the room and closing the door behind them. “C’mon. I’ll help you wash all that off.”

A part of him was grateful that she hadn’t said the word. The rest of him was too numb and overwhelmed to respond, his brain having given up the fight somewhere between ‘becoming a mass murderer,’ ‘almost dying,’ and ‘seeing his first naked woman in real life’.

It was shaping up to be a really weird day. Probably would have been more enjoyable if it wasn’t for the screams still echoing in his skull.

He didn’t protest when Pidge cast her towel aside and reached for his, her fingers making quick work of the knot at his waist. Then she pulled him towards the shower, pushing him towards the middle as she keyed in the settings for a shower like the ones they had at home.

Hot water hit his skin and he turned his face to meet the spray, the hissing of the shower muting the screaming to a dull buzz and washing away the last of his bravado. Behind him Pidge murmured a warning and he nodded mutely, barely acknowledging when her hands began smoothing soap over his skin.

Pidge cleaned his back slowly, her motions unhurried and meticulous. He could only imagine the mess his back was — from the way she scrubbed at patches, the blood must have been caked on thick — but Pidge made no comment, and Lance wasn’t brave enough to look down and see the red swirling down the drain. Lifeblood lost twice, now, because of him.

Instead he closed his eyes and tried to focus on the physical. The here and now. He’d always loved hot showers, even on the hottest of summer days, and despite the mission he could feel the weight in his heart slowly evaporate with the steam. The presence at his back and the gentle kneading of warm fingers against his taut muscles eased a small part of the tension knotting in his throat, and he was suddenly very, very glad that Pidge was with him.

“Thanks, Pidge.”

Her motions paused. “What for?”

“Just…” He lifted a hand over his shoulder, catching her fingers in his and holding them briefly. “For this.”

“Oh.” She chuckled softly, then pressed a soft kiss against his back. “Anytime.”

She resumed her work, steadily working her way lower until she finally nudged him to turn around so that she could work on his front. All he could do was admire her, drowning in an almost overwhelming wave of gratitude as she slowly cleaned the evidence away, treating his body with all the care and focus she bestowed on her beloved robotics. More, even. Clearly, more. He’d seen her work on countless robots, and she’d never looked quite like that, never so attentive and compassionate and caring.

He didn’t deserve it.

Her hands moved back up to his collarbone, a flash of red in his peripheral vision, and the knot in his throat suddenly became too much to bear. “Pidge, stop.”

She froze, hands still against his skin. “...Am I making you uncomfortable?”

“I…” No, no, not that. Never that. He removed her hand, letting it drop by her side instead. “I— I don’t deserve this. I missed.”

Pidge took a half-step back, her lips parted in a little ‘o’-shape as she studied him. Her eyes were full of concern — concern for him, but it was wasted. Who was he to stand here and accept her care? She was allowing herself to be naked before him, to be vulnerable before him, and he couldn’t even save—

The shower wasn’t helping anymore.

“Pidge, I missed,” he repeated, hoping she’d get the hint and leave because he didn’t think he had the strength to leave her. “Pidge, I missed.”

“I know.”

“Pidge, I missed.” She wasn’t leaving. Why wasn’t she leaving? “I missed, and they all died. All those kids died, because I missed the guy with the bomb.”

It was an easy shot. The sky had been blue, the weather perfect, but somehow he’d missed and then the next thing he knew the world had exploded in heat and noise and pain and the only thing he could process were the screams the screams the screams.

Pidge stepped towards him, gentle hands wrapping around his back and pressing him to her, pulling him back from the edge before he could fall too far. Lance sucked in a breath and they stood, frozen, echoing screams slowly fading into the sound of falling water.

When he couldn’t hear them anymore he swallowed, trembling, his voice barely a whisper.

“Pidge, I missed.”

She only held him tighter.

“I know, Lance. I was there.”

He buried his face in her sodden hair and cried.

[paradoxidolatry]

Brotherly Love

@birdhole , @beatconductor a lil bit

TG: hey TG: sup

TT: Hey. TT: Not much.  Lunch break at work. TT: Sup?

TG: oh thats sweet TG: sucks theres no free pizza in it when you work as a cop huh TG: i guess its overall kind of a step up from the pizza gig tho

TT: Right? Free donuts though. TT: But nah, yeah, not so bad. TT: Didn't get a chance to tell you about it but I figure Dave or whoever's already spilled those beans. TT: Kinda weird, right?

TG: yeah dave told me TG: donuts just like a real cop huh TG: still cant quite wrap my head around this cop thing tbh TG: i can see you working as a LOT of things but a cop? thats wild

TT: Yeah. TT: I mean, I figured.  Got all that military experience, right? TT: But I didn't want to go back to the military. TT: Plus, working as a cop is an equal mix of 'keeps me active' and 'allows me to work around certain roadblocks in regards to the acquisitions business', so it was a good compromise. TT: Better than fast food and skin flicks again, at any rate.

TG: i mean i guess that makes logical sense n all TG: still fucking wild as shit to me TG: guess you can still wear a uniform even its obviously not as sweet as the fast food ones

TT: Yeah, I really miss that old greasy apron. TT: But what can you do?

TG: the grease just made your eyes pop in that special way ykno TG: chicks love it

TT: They fuckin do, don't they? TT: But somethin tells me you didn't message me to talk about the chicks missing my pizza funk.

TG: you sure about that? its a pretty great topic you could write a book on it become rich quick with your pick up tips

TT: Hey, I'm already on chapter 7: the Sausage Party. TT: But really though. TT: What's up, boss?

TG: nothing TG: i was just TG: thinking about you is all

> Heart, squeeze. TT: That right? TT: Cool, cool. TT: Was thinking about you earlier too, actually.

TG: oh? any reason or

[Dave txt @ bro] im watching u [Dave txt @ bro] > that chicken image

TT: Just, y'know. TT: Was outside on a smoke break and I saw a couple of pigeons hanging out, eating some sandwich or some shit on the sidewalk and like. TT: Got me thinking about you, and like. TT: I spent the past 13 years thing you're dead or some shit, and now you're alive and it's. TT: Just fuckin buck wild. TT: Pardon me for sound fucking sappy but it's kind of like a dream come true.

[TT > Dave: I'm behaving, dad.]

TG: ...am i a pigeon now? tho i do admit i would eat that floor sandwich(edited) TG: yeah its...its fucking wild huh? TG: kinda thought id never see you again even after TG:  i got away and shit TG: idk why not like you up and died but? after looking for you and you werent there i dunno i guess TG: i thought you just TG: werent going to come back TG: ...you didnt even see my wings yet you dont get to relate me to birds just yet dude

TT: I mean, I saw them in a picture. TT: One of you and Dave and a bunch of trolls and some old dude in front of a candy cane dildo? TT: But also you post about birds and shit all the time, so I figured that was sort of your Thing now. TT: And ... well.  I dunno. TT: Almost didn't. TT: I was just gonna stay on Earth, maybe pop in to visit every so often. TT: But then all that shit happened and Dave wasn't answering my messages, so I thought he was dead too, and...well. TT: I guess I'm, uh... grateful to the apocalypse for.  I guess bringing you back to me? TT: Well, no. TT: But like, at least letting me know you're alive.

TG: oh...yeah thats TG: thats my sisters actually and uh..shit what even is grig? grandpa i guess TG: already know mr d after all TG: i mean... im not sure how i feel yet TG: i guess im sorta glad because TG: i mean it has been my embarrassing dream to play family with you again for a while TG: i want to be a family again TG: a lot TG: its just TG: hard

TT: Sisters, huh?  Well damn, you got the whole family package with these folks, huh? TT: Nice.  How long you been with them? TT: Yeah, I figured. TT: I didn't, and don't, make it easy. I know. TT: A lot easier when you were a baby, even if our folks were shit, just cuz, y'know. TT: Everything hadn'tt happened yet. TT: Hadn't started to completely fuckin lose my mind and treat you like dogshit. TT: But I mean.  I dunno. TT: I'm not gonna force you or nothin. TT: But if you ever wanted to come backto the apartment and chill for a day, see how you feel about it? TT: That'd be uh. TT: That'd be really nice.

TG: 3 years TG: as long as ive been TG: away from scratch... TG: i..yeah i guess maybe TG: can you even handle seeing me get gay with dave tho

TT: God.  You were with Scratch that whole fuckin time? TT: Fuckin sonnuvabitch refused to tell me what he did with you. TT: Anyway. TT: Handling y'all and your homogay is a small price to pay at the end of the day. TT: Even if it's still. TT: Kinda really weird from my perspective. TT: But I respect y'all and he takes good care of you, so I can't complain too much, right?

TG: ...yeah like ten years TG: kinda fucked up huh TG: ill..ill think about it TG: okay so im gonna be real with you here for a sec okay TG: i TG: messaged you because i was talking to dave and i realized i missed you and TG: that i TG: kindawantahugiguess

TT: ...Yeah? TT: I can do a hug, yeah. TT: Where are you?  I can meet you, if you wanna.

TG: ...workin TG: at [coords] TG: dont arrest me mr officer these drugs are prescription

TT: I'll leave the cuffs in the car. TT: What happens off-duty stays off-duty, though, so. TT: See you in five.

TG: kay > Try not to freak out. Freak out anyways.

> Pull up by the curb a short walk away and park. > Look, you even pay for the parking meter and everything. > Step out of the car in your full uniform and approach Sock, one hand in  your pocket, the other raised in a wave hello.

> Oh god, he really fucking is a god damn cop. That's so damn weird. God. > Not as weird as randomly meeting up with him for a hug though. Damn it that was the dumbest idea. > You wave back, trying hard to look cool and not like you are dying on the inside and failing miserably.

> You stride up alongside him and... ...well, now what, actually. > Neither of you are very good at this kind of planning, are you. > Damnit, Striders. "Hey." > Now just to... > ... > Open your arms up? > Yeah.  That's how hugs happen.

> Oh god, he's going right for it.Oh god. Not even small talk or anything really bro? > Maybe that's better anyways because god know you don't know what to say. "Hey." > You take a deep breath and you...Go for the fucking hug. Squeeze that big bro tight.

> Aww shit here it comes and here he is.  All up and hugging you. > Actually, that's uh. > That's real nice. > You wrap your arms around him and pull him in for a good, tight hug. > It's probably not the most comfortable thing, what with your radio strapped onto your chest and name plates aand shit, but. > At least for you?  This is a fucking good hug. > (Don't you dare tear up in public.)

> You don't really care about the cofort level of this, it's something you've been craving for 13 years now, a little radio isn't going to stop you from enjoying it. > It's nice. It's familiar, like all the good parts of Bro you've been missing wrapped up for you in one big huggable form. Easy to forget all the shit for a moment. > But the moment does end and when you pull away you have to wipe at you eyes like an idiot. "Uh...Th-thanks."

> Aww, shit goddamn.  He's teaaring up too under those glasses. > You swipe one knuckle under your shades, and you take a steaadying breath. "Hey, yeah, no problem." > Breathe easy, Strider.  You glance up for a moment as you see a fatass snowflake come drifting down, then you look to Sock again. "Hey, you wanna maybe grab some lunch with me?  Haven't eaten yet and it's still my break, so."

> Well at least you are both sappy motherfuckers now. > Oh. You didn't expect that. You think about what Dave told you earlier "Stay in control" and promptly decide to fuck that advice because shit. You are already here. You already went for it like an idiot. "Yeah sure. Gonna have Donuts like a proper cop?" > You make such a face at the snow. Ugh, you didn't really prepare for that kinda weather, fuck.

> You snort a laugh and give your flat stomach a pat. "Gotta work on that signature cop gut, don't I? C'mon." > You gesture behind you with a jerk of your thumb. "Hop in up front.  You can pick the place."

"Hell yeah you do. You look like a fake ass striper cop dude." > You get into the car and immediately get the seatbelt. Doesn't feel safe otherwise. You don't really like cars still but you can't pin point why. It's just a weird personality quirk yeah? But you are used to being in one at this point of your life. > Just drive carefully. Please.

> You hop in and buckle up too, both pleased and a litttle saddened that you didn't even need to remind Sock to put on his seatbelt. > Poor kid. > Luckily, you are an impeccably safe driver, and the drive to Wherever is smooth and uneventful.

> Old habits die hard. > You feel kind of awkward in the car with him, it's too silent for our tastes. > You get out of the car at whatever this amazing food place he's taking you is. Fingers crossed for fast food- "Y'know kinda funny. Always figured my first frive in a cop car would be because I'm getting arrested."

> You snort a laugh.  It's Sock's old favorite pizza place. > God you hope he still likes this shit. > Also this wasn't a Pizza Pimp before, was it?  It was Gino's-- > Wait. > Ugh, well, maybe Dave's not at work. "If you're planning on getting arrested, you're doing this pushing thing wrong, kid."(edited)

> Oh the Pizza Pimp. Fucking score. Maybe Dave is there, that would be rad. "I didn't say I was, I said I didn't think I'd ride a cop car otherwise. Your hearing getting bad?" > You immediately freeze after saying that. Oh man, actually sassing Bro though? Please don't hit me.

> Dave is unfortunately not there, but he sure would love to.

> You catch that freeze, and you... > You snort a little, before pointing to your ears. "Too many concerts and phat-ass beats.  Knew I shouldn't have gotten all up and personal with those speakers.  Who knew the grown-ups were right about that?" > You smile, and it's a little awkward cuz you sure as hell have never been the smiling type, before you hold open the door for him. "C'mon, before we freeze our asses off."

> Oh. Okay. It's cool. It's chill. In a quite literal sense even so you get your silly ass inside. > A smile though? You haven't seen your brother smile in...far longer than you haven't seen him for sure. > That little scare knocked the speech right out of you though so you just awkwardly sit down at the next best table, suddenly really not sure how good of an idea this was.

> You take a seat opposite him, and when the server approaches, you order yourself a water instead of a soda. > Who are you, even. > You glance over the menu, humming softly.  Some of these item names... fitting for a place called Pizza Pimp. "You wanna split one, or do individuals, or?"

> Who is he indeed. You order a black coffee instead of apple juice though, so maybe the traditional Strider beverages are just staying outside today. "Uhhh..Not super hungry honestly I don't mind sharing one." > You haven't been able to eat a whole pizza at once in a while but you don't say that.

"Alright.  We'll split a medium and you can take the rest home if you want." > You let him pick the toppings too.  This really is a strange Strider day.

> The strangest. Do they have nuggets as topping because you want that.

> They might have like, baked chicken, which is kinda like nuggets and also? Is Carro-approved.

> Do you think the pizza pimp doesn't have a nugget topping what kinda fool do you take Dave for.

> A big one. >:3

> LISTEN Nuggets have been added like at least two months ago. Cock Special.

> Goddamnit, Dave.

> Sock loves Dave and the Cock Special Pizza. Prepare ya taste buds Bro.(edited)

"One Cock Special with extra cock please" > Yes, this is exactly how you order.

> Oh your face. > You're so fucking proud.  Dave sure is your little brother, and so too is Sock. > Bless these fucking kids.

"Hope you like it, it's my fav." > Both the pizza and you know.

> Yeah.  Yeah, you know. "Sure I will." > Snort a laugh. "This sure isn't Gino's anymore, huh.  You remember that place?"

"Oh yeah. Man..That's been a while. Clover gifted the place to Dave what? 2 years ago?" > Back when you were on a no homo basis. Memories.

> [Clover: nya face]

"Used to be your favorite, but maybe that's because it was free when I worked here. ...Clover?"

"I'm always a slut for free food but I still digged their shit later. Oh uh..Yeah. Little green guy? 4 of the Felt?" > Should..You now have mentioned that?

> [Dave] Oh no.

> There's this shift in your face.  It's not a frown, but a certain tightening of your lips as you're hit with the full brunt of what Sock just said. "...Dave's...doing business with the Felt?"

> WHOOPSIES >Oh. Oh, oh, oh shit. You fucked up. You didn't really think about that when you said it. At all. Shit. Fuck. Damn. "Hahaha whaaaat? Noooo. Of course not! He'd never uh...Clover is just y'know his uh... Sugar daddy yeah. Cash money man, can't say no to that even from a greenie right?" > Well it's not entirely a lie. You are sweating though.

> You paw at your face and you sit back in your seat, eyebrows knit together tightly. > Looks like you're going to have to have a little talk with Dave when you get home. "...No, guess not.  Desperate times and all that, right?"

"Yeah exactly! Haha..." > God this is uncomfortable. You are going to warn Dave but you already feel like shit. Fuck. "Don't...Don't hurt him okay?" > There's fear in your eyes now. Not for you but for your boyfriend, which is so much worse in your eyes.

> That snaps you Right out of your bad thought spiral and you quickly wave your hand. "Hey, no, no.  Not gonna hurt him.  It's chill." > There's that smile again, even if it's uneasy and a bit green around the gills.  Your brother and the Felt... "Really.  Just surprised he hadn't mentioned it before now."

> [Dave] GUESS WHY.

" 'kay..." > He probably hadn't mentioned it for a reason. You couldn't have known Dave wasn't supposed to do business with the Felt but you still feel like shit. It makes sense in hindsight and considering your history of course but...You just plain didn't know. > The Pizza arrives but you suddenly don't feel very hungry at all, sipping on you coffee awkwardly instead.

> You're, similarly, not hungry, but you've got to salvage this.  Not telling when or if Sock will agree to see you again after this. "Sorry, I just... Y'know, getting offered a gift by those guys.  If they had snatched Dave too..." > You shake your head, and sigh it off.  Out with the bad. "But they didn't, and that's that.  So." > You take up a slice of the pizza and you point is casually at Sock, an eyebrow quirked. "What're you out there peddling?"

> Oh. You'd really rather not follow that line of thought, yeah.  Smooth topic change. "Dude, don't think I should be discussing that with a cop in a pizzeria. Mr D would murder me man."

"Hey." > You make a show of taking off your badge and laying it upside down on the table. "Off-duty, not a cop.  So is it the good shit, or is it like, oregano in a dimebag being passed off as weed."

"We're still in public man." > And you don't want to piss off your Dad on top of the shit you just pulled.

"Yeah, yeah.  Weren't you in public anyway?" > You chuckle a little and you point toward the kitchen area. "Your big bro used to sell shitty dimebags out of there, way back.  Dealt to all the line cooks."

" Course you did." > You roll your eyes behind your shades. "What you want an inventory list? Okay I'll just tell you my favorite product aight? Kinder Überraschungseier......The surprise is Cocaine." > Huh, sure did slip into your mother tongue there. Welp..

> Okay.  You actually laugh then. "You're selling Kinder Überraschungseier full of Cocaine.  Shut the fuck up, seriously?" > You're nodding approvingly now. "That's a fucking great idea.  Where the fuck'd you get the chocolates, though? Make them yourself?"

> That makes you feel..really proud? Huh. You can't stop the big dorky grin from spreading on your face. "Best idea I ever had, honestly. I'm importing them from earth, duh. Along with a bunch of other banned sweets and shit. Who the fuck thought peeps are illegal anyways?"

> You balk at that and you laugh again. "Peeps are illegal here-- wait, shit, right." > Smack your forehead. "That's my job to know that now.  Wow, fuckin fire me now."

"Maybe I should show you my stock, just as a reminder. A fucking lot of dumb shit is. Fucking Lattes were banned man. Until the King unbanned them just for Jude which is honestly so fucking stupid. Way to play favorite, just like royalty should am I right? Not that I'm complaining, love me a big fat Latte." > Man it's...Nice to be able to make that kind of shit tier level german dick joke and to know you're gonna be understood just fine.

> You snort your water and you pull a face,but you're clearly goofing around a loving it. "Fucking nasty, dude.  I don't need to hear about your love of big hot fuckin Lattes."

"Aren't you glad the prospitian monarchy digs a steaming hot Latte too? What a life that would be otherwise." > You snort yourself.

"Jesus christ.  Fuckin whities, dude." > You stuff some pizza in your mouth and you talk withyour mouth full like the fat nasty trash you are. "Can you believe I have to work with them?  Like what the fuck."

"The Queen gives me the creeps with her I love everyone bull. And the King seems like a huge fucking idiot so...Congrats man. Jackpot."

"Not had the chance to meet either, but this is the closest I've gotten to infiltrating the corrupt government yet.  Maybe if I keep my shit up, I can finally overthrow them from the inside." > You are entirely dead seriouus.

"What's the masterplan? Shoot them in public?" > You aren't but you also don't mind the topic. Not a fan of these guys.

"Nah, nah, nothing like that.  Too messy.  Besides." > You gesture at the scar that runs oveer your eyes. "Never been a fan of guns."

"I know." > Hell maybe you should be grateful he ain't. Swords fucked you over bad enough. "Seems like a popular approach is all. Like historically or whatever. But I guess you gotta go for something less stale huh?"

"Of course.  Flashy's the only way to be when you're taking out a corrupt system of government."

"Looking forwards to the show Bro." > Except you hope he's fucking joking.

> You totally fucking aren't. > You toss him a wink, which of course he can't see all that well behind your shades. "Hope it's a good one.  You gonna eat any pizza, lil bro?"

"Oh, right." > You finally grab a piece too. "How's the Cock Special?"

> Stuff the rest of your piece into your mouth and brush the crumbs off of your fingers. "It's not big hot Latte, but it's nice and tasty all up in my mouth, so it'll do."

"I mean we can grab a Latte next time-" > Did you just say next time. Did you just imply you want to meet up like this again? Shit. > Stuff your mouth with Pizza real quick.

> Oh. > Oh... That makes yourr heart do the smiley emote. > You grin a liittle bit about that and you say, voice kinda soft, "Yeah... alright.  I'd like that."

"Me too...I think." > If you don't hurt my boyfriend tonight that is, is what you think.

> Don't you worry, Sock.  Not gonna hurt your boyfriend tonight. > You're not gonna be home, so Dave gets to go unhurt for another night.

> Or any other night Bro.(edited) > Or day, or ever:

> Well, at least you'll try to keep your cool when you talk to Dave about it later.

> That's a good start.

> Fuck yeah.  Before you all finish up here, you nod back to the streets now lightly coat with snow. "You going back to your corner, right?  You need a jacket?"

"I mean, I'll live..." > But it's pretty obvious that you don't have any especially warm clothes on you, you know like an idiot.

"Yeah, and you'll get sick, doofus." > You shrug off your jacket--it's a plain black windbreaker, while you wait for your city issue polcie jacket to come in--and you ball it up, handing it over to him. "Here."

> You open your mouth to respond but the Jacket is already in your hands. Oh. That's..Oh. > Is that what it's like to have a caring older brother? "Thanks..." > The Jacket is far too big for you and smells like Bro. It's a weird feeling to put it on. Like a hug you can wear. > Your heart is doing several emotions.

"Hey, no sweat. No good to go out there to work if you're just gonna freeze to death, yeah?" > You have the server bring you all a box for the leftovers, and you give those to him, too. > You stand from the stand and stretch. "Alright, my lunch is about over.  You ready to go?

"Uh, yeah." > You are still trying to sort your feelings over all of this. It's weird. It's nice. > It's what you wanted all along. > Except for the part where you are scared about Dave. > You get up too feeling like a huge fool.

> You, very very carefully, put your hand on his back and lead him out back into the cold. > Look to him, then to your car. "Back to tthe same corner? Or you got anywhere else you need to be?"

> You tense up just a little at the touch but let it happen anyways. "Y-yeah same place." > You just get into the car quickly to cut off the awkward moment. Not without putting on your seatbelt of course.

> Always seatbelt first, kid! > You buckle in and drive him back to the street corner you found him on, putting the car into park but not getting out. "Alright.  Don't get into any trouble, alright?  Oh, and patrol comes past here in about 30 minutes, so be cool when they pass, yeah?"

"Oh uh..Okay. See you, I guess." > You wave an awkward goodbye, overwhelmed by a lot of conflicting emotions.

> You're about to drive off, but then you open the door and, hanging halfway out, you call to him, "Hey! Love you, Sock."

> That just leaves you starring for a moment. Did he just-? Does he? What. Can not compute. "L-Love you too Bro..." > You are not sure if he heard that with the way you mumbled that. You are not sure if you want him to or not. > It's only getting weirder. > But it also warms your birdy little heart.

> You heard it--you've actually got pretty good hearing still, despite all tthatt music and shit. > You smile and wave again before ducking back into your car and driving off.

> The patrol driving by half an hour later doesn't find a drug dealer, just a crying kid in some back alley. > This absolutely kills the bird.

[nonbinarypastels]

About & FAQ Page

This page was last updated on July 31, 2018

About nonbinarypastels

This blog was created to combat REG (reactionary, exclusionist, gatekeeping) politics in the LGBTQIA+ community as well as other forms of harmful conservative rhetoric that’s become so common on tumblr through the spreading of positivity and information based posts. My goal for this blog is not only to validate and support LGBTQIA+ people (and people of all marginalized identities) but also to encourage people to be more accepting of others, more able to think critically about all issues, and more passionate about making a positive difference not only in their own lives but the lives of those around them.

What I post about

Positivity — Not only nonbinary positivity but positivity for all  LGBTQIA+ identities and other people as well.

Social Justice/Politics

Mental Health/Mental Illness

Critical Thinking Skills

Fandom/Media

Miscellaneous Other Topics

If you’re only here for positivity

Please blacklist the #not positivity and #discourse tw tags.

Things you should know before you follow this blog

This blog is inclusionist. I believe that all aromantics and asexuals belong in the LGBTQIA+ community. I’m also firmly against other exclusionary rhetoric that seeks to exclude any non-cishet (by which I mean non cisgender, heteromantic, AND heterosexual) group from the community.

This blog supports creative freedom and a safe fandom environment. I don’t care what kind of fiction people write/read or what they ship as long as all of their content is tagged properly and kept in appropriate spaces. While I think media criticism and having civil discussions about what we’re writing and reading and why is a good thing, I think the ‘anti’ community on tumblr totally crosses the line with their behavior which goes beyond legitimate media criticism and straight into cyberbullying and harassment.

This blog does not support radical feminism. Radical feminism is a harmful conservative movement that harms and attempts to control the lives of marginalized people. I do not support any form of radfem rhetoric.

This blog does not support trasnmedicalsim or truscum. These are groups that actively harm trans and nonbinary people by pushing reductionist, transphobic rhetoric and policing the identities of trans and nonbinary people.

This blog is queer positive. I will not censor the word queer or exclude queer people from this blog or the community.

Please do not send me messages

About any medical or life-threatening emergencies you might be having. I am not a doctor and cannot give medical advice and there’s also no guarantee I’ll be online when you send your message. If you’re in a life-threatening situation please contact the relevant local authorities (either 911 or your country’s equivalent) or get to a hospital immediately.

Calling out people I reblog from or who are reblogging from me about anything having to do with ships or fanfiction. As stated above, I don’t care what people ship or write/read as long as it’s properly tagged and not posted in inappropriate spaces. Any messages I get about “so-and-so ships ___” will be deleted.

About anything having to do with MAP discourse. I am a CSA survivor and am generally not comfortable discussing or reading about MAPs.

Telling me that a-specs “aren’t actually lgbt” or anything similar. You will automatically be blocked for being an aphobe.

Saying there are only two genders. You will automatically be blocked for being boring.

Asking me questions that have already been answered on this page. I made this FAQ for a reason. Any asks I get containing questions that I’ve already answered (or asking for definitions of terms that are listed in the glossary) will be deleted.

———————————————————————————— General Questions Do you have a question about what a certain term means?

Please check the glossary page to see if I have a definition already listed. If the term you’re looking for is not in the glossary, please feel free to send me an ask about it.

http://nonbinarypastels.tumblr.com/post/172930687066/glossary-page

Are you feeling down and need to be cheered up?

Please check the self care tag for posts you might find helpful.

http://www.nonbinarypastels.tumblr.com/tagged/self+care

Why do you put image descriptions on your posts?

http://nonbinarypastels.tumblr.com/post/165370079304/can-i-ask-why-you-provide-image-descriptions-i

Who is that in your icon?

Deadpool from Marvel comics

Icon by http://www.wadewicons.tumblr.com/

Do you take requests?

http://nonbinarypastels.tumblr.com/post/172930396816/requests-page

Who are you/what is your main blog?

Considering how nasty I’ve seen discourse about the identities I’m trying to provide positivity for get and the things I’ve seen other blogs similar to this one having to deal with, I’m not comfortable disclosing the link to my main blog. I value my privacy and my safety and I hope my followers can respect that.

What are your pronouns?

Any pronouns other than it/itself are okay. I have no other preferences.

Are you a minor?

No.

Can people who aren’t nonbinary interact with this blog? Can cis people?

Anyone, nonbinary or not, is allowed to follow nonbinarypastels and reblog from us. Not only am I okay with cis people following this blog and reblogging from it, I 100% encourage them to do so. I think it’s important that not only do LGBTQIA+ people support ourselves and those who ID the same as us but that we support people of different identities and just as much I also think it’s vital for cis people to show that they support us. I think cis people reblogging positivity posts for people who aren’t cis is an excellent way to show that.

Can I interact with this blog if my blog is about ___?

I don’t care if your tumblr is 99% cute crayon drawings of pretty flowers or drawings of kinky furry porn, if you like the posts here or need them or want to spread the positivity with your followers I have no problem with you following + reblogging from this blog.

Can I share your posts on other sites?

Feel 100% free to share my posts on Twitter, Facebook, or other social media. Credit + a link back is appreciated but it’s not required. However, please do NOT upload my posts to sites such as redbubble, storeenvy, or other sites where you’ll be selling them to others.

Can I use your posts in moodboards/aesthetics posts?

Yes!

Where do you get the pictures for your image posts?

https://www.pexels.com/

http://www.unsplash.com

Why the pineapples?

http://nonbinarypastels.tumblr.com/post/168615228296/hello-ive-noticed-your-recent-posts-about

——————————————————————————- Call Me Out Would you like to tell me that the term ‘a-spec’ was stolen from autistics and that it’s problematic to use it to refer to ace/aro people?

http://nonbinarypastels.tumblr.com/post/162255685756/hey-idk-if-you-were-aware-of-this-but-you-have-a

Would you like to tell me to stop including the ‘I’ in the LGBTQIA+ acronym?

http://nonbinarypastels.tumblr.com/post/161388049611/you-do-realize-that-like-a-lot-of-intersex-people

Would you like to tell me that butch and femme are lesbian-specific words and no one else has the right to use them?

http://nonbinarypastels.tumblr.com/post/169789232996/nonbinarypastels-since-i-keep-getting-anons-wrt

Would you like to tell me not to use queer as an umbrella term?

http://nonbinarypastels.tumblr.com/post/165557176711/hey-uh-sorry-if-this-is-too-much-to-ask-but-dont

Why are you intolerant towards conservatives?

http://nonbinarypastels.tumblr.com/post/169509757921/being-an-intolerant-jerk-about-conservatives-and

—————————————————————————– Questioning Do you have tips for figuring out your gender identity?

http://nonbinarypastels.tumblr.com/post/160444273391/any-tips-to-give-to-help-someone-to-figure-out

Is it okay to use they/them pronouns if I’m still questioning my gender and might be cis?

http://nonbinarypastels.tumblr.com/post/162316760041/i-feel-comfy-using-theythem-but-i-dont-know-if-im

I want to question my gender but I’m afraid I’m faking it all?

http://nonbinarypastels.tumblr.com/post/169375568051/hi-i-always-thought-i-was-a-cis-guy-but-ive

———————————————————————————– About Being Trans + Nonbinary Are nonbinary people trans?

http://nonbinarypastels.tumblr.com/post/160443055731/do-you-consider-nb-to-be-a-part-of-the-trans

Am I still agender if I have feminine interests/hobbies?

http://nonbinarypastels.tumblr.com/post/159863843416/i-identify-as-agender-but-i-also-like-girl

Can you be lunarian and agender?

http://nonbinarypastels.tumblr.com/post/159119628926/can-i-be-a-lunarian-agender-or-does-that-like

How do you deal with nbphobia?

http://nonbinarypastels.tumblr.com/post/161289280081/tw-transphobia-tw-ableist-slur-tw-r-word-do

What do I do if my friends are nbphobic?

http://nonbinarypastels.tumblr.com/post/161290197211/one-of-my-best-friends-is-a-radical-feminist-i

What’s the difference between being nonbinary and being a tomboy?

http://nonbinarypastels.tumblr.com/post/170485614676/im-having-a-mild-identity-crisis-whats-the

Can you be nonbinary and prefer she/her or he/him pronouns?

http://nonbinarypastels.tumblr.com/post/170449570882/hi-im-someone-who-identifies-as-non-binary-ive

Are nonbinary people to blame for trans people not being taken seriously?

http://nonbinarypastels.tumblr.com/post/161287284091/how-do-you-respond-to-people-who-say-nbs-are-the

How do I deal with people saying nonbinary people are responsible for trans people being made fun of?

http://nonbinarypastels.tumblr.com/post/167977849726/hey-i-got-some-really-messed-up-enbyphobic-anon

Is trans day of visibility for nonbinary people too?

http://nonbinarypastels.tumblr.com/post/159055092686/sorry-if-this-is-stupid-is-trans-day-of

Is there any proof there are more than two genders?

http://nonbinarypastels.tumblr.com/post/170985650804/sgaprivilege-sonoanthony-hatingongodot

Do you think it’s fetishizing for people to say they’re attracted to nonbinary people?

http://nonbinarypastels.tumblr.com/post/170815582801/whats-your-take-on-the-claim-that-mlnbwlnb-are

Am I still trans/nonbinary if I didn’t always know from a young age?

http://nonbinarypastels.tumblr.com/post/169845692030/hi-okay-so-im-trans-nonbinary-and-i-noticed-that

Am I still nonbinary if I never want to come out?

http://nonbinarypastels.tumblr.com/post/169159856571/can-i-still-be-nb-if-i-dont-plan-on-coming-out-to

How do I overcome internalized nbphobia?

http://nonbinarypastels.tumblr.com/post/169128988716/do-you-have-any-tips-on-overcoming-internalized

What can I call the nonbinary person I’m dating other than boyfriend/girlfriend?

http://nonbinarypastels.tumblr.com/post/164729025088/hi-i-dont-know-if-you-guys-answer-questions-but

What’s your opinion on “there are only two genders” jokes?

http://nonbinarypastels.tumblr.com/post/169533948384/hey-i-was-wondering-if-you-might-be-able-to-give

Who is allowed to ID as nblm/nblw/nblnb? Do I have to have a certain alignment to ID with these terms?

http://nonbinarypastels.tumblr.com/post/175370970607/hi-im-a-asexual-biromantic-agender-person-and

———————————————————————————- About Presentation + Dysphoria

Do you have any tips for dealing with dysphoria?

http://nonbinarypastels.tumblr.com/post/171870400516/urgent-im-a-non-passing-pre-everything-trans

What’s the difference between social dysphoria and body dysphoria?

http://nonbinarypastels.tumblr.com/post/171770067231/whats-the-difference-between-social-dysphoria-and

How can I write about trans/nonbinary characters who have dysphoria?

http://nonbinarypastels.tumblr.com/post/163261302706/hello-there-nonbinary-questioning-black-anon

How can I bind safely if I can’t afford to buy a binder?

http://nonbinarypastels.tumblr.com/post/160277656876/hello-i-came-here-because-i-wanted-to-ask-if-you

Do you have any advice about buying your first binder?

http://nonbinarypastels.tumblr.com/post/171412780521/advice-for-somebody-who-is-getting-their-first

How can I look more androgynous?

http://nonbinarypastels.tumblr.com/post/160850193236/do-you-have-any-advice-for-nonbinary-teens-who

Is it normal to want top surgery but not want to take T?

http://nonbinarypastels.tumblr.com/post/168600610588/is-it-normal-for-a-nonbinary-person-to-want-top

What can I do if I hate my voice?

http://nonbinarypastels.tumblr.com/post/169110950161/hey-i-am-non-binary-and-14-years-old-i-was

I want to change my hair but I’m afraid people will hate it?

http://nonbinarypastels.tumblr.com/post/166569911301/hey-i-recently-came-out-as-non-binary-i-really

—————————————————————————— About Sexuality How can you be sex-repulsed without being asexual?

http://nonbinarypastels.tumblr.com/post/159348049986/how-can-you-be-sex-repulsed-but-not-asexual

Can you be in a queerplatonic relationship if you’re not ace/aro?

http://nonbinarypastels.tumblr.com/post/171758800972/can-you-have-a-qpr-if-youre-not-acearo

What’s the difference between demisexuality and regular attraction?

http://nonbinarypastels.tumblr.com/post/160198336046/whats-the-differrence-between-demisexual-and-just

Is pansexuality transphobic/biphobic?

http://nonbinarypastels.tumblr.com/post/160201643591/hi-i-just-want-to-tell-that-i-heard-someone-say

Do bisexuals have straight-passing privilege?

http://nonbinarypastels.tumblr.com/post/163139939492/hey-there-i-was-wondering-if-you-can-help-me

Can you be asexual and still like masturbation?

http://nonbinarypastels.tumblr.com/post/171408739131/so-i-was-wondering-could-you-be-asexual-and

Can you be wlw and mlm at the same time?

http://nonbinarypastels.tumblr.com/post/171269548272/hi-im-confused-this-is-a-genuine-question-pls

Can you be nblw, nblm, and nblnb at the same time?

http://nonbinarypastels.tumblr.com/post/171158368762/i-identify-as-a-nblw-nblnb-and-nblm-is-that

How can lesbians use he/him pronouns?

http://nonbinarypastels.tumblr.com/post/170496057755/this-is-an-ignorant-question-so-i-apologize

What is the split attraction model?

http://nonbinarypastels.tumblr.com/post/169931000321/hello-i-was-reading-that-post-about-asexual-stuff

———————————————————————— About Coming Out

Are you looking for coming out tips and encouragement? Please check my coming out tag!

http://www.nonbinarypastels.tumblr.com/tagged/coming+out

Is it okay to come out to my friends before my family?

http://nonbinarypastels.tumblr.com/post/160086167706/i-am-trans-and-came-out-to-one-of-my-friends-who

How do I explain being nonbinary to my parents when they just don’t get it?

http://nonbinarypastels.tumblr.com/post/168598203993/ive-accepted-im-nonbinary-and-my-parents-know

Do you have any advice for coming out as nonbinary?

http://nonbinarypastels.tumblr.com/post/171342286106/hey-any-advice-on-how-to-come-out-to-my-dad-as

How do I come out to my parents?

http://nonbinarypastels.tumblr.com/post/170782185301/hi-i-identify-is-non-binary-and-i-know-for-sure

How do I get my parents to use my name/pronouns and accept me?

http://nonbinarypastels.tumblr.com/post/168598203993/ive-accepted-im-nonbinary-and-my-parents-know

——————————————————————————

Fandom & Fandom Discourse Related

What is an anti?

http://nonbinarypastels.tumblr.com/post/171868269706/what-is-an-anti-i-had-always-heard-that-anti

What have antis ever done wrong?

http://nonbinarypastels.tumblr.com/post/171966569929/shipping-isnt-morality-block-report-program

How can I deal with antis who are harassing me?

http://nonbinarypastels.tumblr.com/post/171974140371/hi-sorry-to-bother-you-i-was-looking-through

Do you support pedophilic ships?

http://nonbinarypastels.tumblr.com/post/170196527876/wait-you-support-pedophilic-ships-thats-gross

What’s your opinion about MAP discourse?

http://nonbinarypastels.tumblr.com/post/171209629491/so-what-do-you-think-of-maps-then-the-ones-who

If you’re not a bad person, why do you like bad things in fiction?

http://nonbinarypastels.tumblr.com/post/164750728921/about-your-post-on-how-liking-certain-fiction

What is purity culture?

http://nonbinarypastels.tumblr.com/post/169710243376/do-you-know-whenhowwhy-purity-culture-started

What is your opinion on RPF?

http://nonbinarypastels.tumblr.com/post/175123194126/i-wasnt-able-to-find-anything-on-your-blog-about

What is fujoshi discourse?

http://nonbinarypastels.tumblr.com/post/174877862940/i-just-saw-someone-reference-fake-fujoshi-blogs

——————————————————————— Misc. How do you handle ignorance?

http://nonbinarypastels.tumblr.com/post/160627538536/how-do-you-handle-ignorance-im-too-scared-to

What’s an invisible disability?

http://nonbinarypastels.tumblr.com/post/163099887223/hey-i-have-a-quick-question-whats-an-invisible

What is TERF/radfem rhetoric?

http://nonbinarypastels.tumblr.com/post/169015697831/on-radfemreg-rhetoric

How do I know if I have an eating disorder?

http://nonbinarypastels.tumblr.com/post/171664946546/ed-tw-i-guess-mmmm-since-i-was-young-ive

What’s the difference between being squicked and being triggered?

http://nonbinarypastels.tumblr.com/post/171341992144/um-so-ive-been-wondering-if-feeling-physically

How do you deal with bigots?

http://nonbinarypastels.tumblr.com/post/170516017459/exposure-to-identities-really-is-the-best-way-to

Why can’t someone be both anti-SWERF and anti-kink?

http://nonbinarypastels.tumblr.com/post/170011993907/hey-quick-q-feel-free-to-ignore-but-i-had-a-post

When was gay used as a slur?

http://nonbinarypastels.tumblr.com/post/166431435436/hello-i-just-saw-your-post-that-i-think-was-from

How do you find out about the free samples you post?

http://nonbinarypastels.tumblr.com/post/163522947367/hey-this-isnt-about-anything-nonbinary-but-i-was

What is your opinion on self-diagnosis?

http://nonbinarypastels.tumblr.com/post/175045406707/what-are-your-thoughts-on-self-diagnosis-ive-been

[auroraphilealis]

Heaven Scent Chapter Eight

Heaven Scent | Dan Howell rarely leaves the house unless he has too, too socially awkward to function normally around other people, and generally making his only friends through Louise, a sweet beta who took him under her wing a few years back when they were both still in college. It’s no surprise, then, that the omega has yet to find a mate, despite craving one rather a lot. It’s not until he attends Louise’s birthday party and gets accidentally-on-purpose set up with an attractive alpha named Phil Lester who smells absolutely heavenly that Dan starts to fall into a proper romance, complete with courting and scenting and the like. | Phan | Mature | A/B/O dynamics (Omegaverse fic), Fluff, Getting Together, Eventual Smut, Courting | 7,465 Words this chapter

Disclaimer: In no way do I pretend that this is real or cast aspersions on Dan or Phil.

Hello my friends! Ahhh, this is the final chapter of Heaven Scent, and I can’t believe it’s ended up quite as long as it appears to have :O In three weeks, I’ve managed to write 57K words, and to top it all off, this is the first chaptered fic I’ve completed on my own in at least 4 years, if not more, so… to say I’m proud of myself would be a complete and utter understatement.

Thank you to everyone whose supported this story since day one, when I first started writing it, and when I first started posting. It’s meant the world to me to have people so excited to see a story that defies the norm of what this trope usually is. Thank you as well to every person who has left a comment, or messaged me to show me their support and to tell me that this is the first time they’ve enjoyed this trope, as that is all I’ve ever wanted to do with this fic.

I’m so sad to see this ending, but all great things must come to an end, I’m afraid. I hope to eventually do a semi-sequel including some mpreg, for those who are interested, but I do start school again in 3 days, so I can’t promise when or if that sequel will appear <33 Still, maybe look out for it <33

This chapter does contain smut and sexual situations, so please read the second half in particular with caution. I promise you’ll know when it’s coming.

(Ao3) (Previous)

Chapter Eight

As promised, Phil texted Dan the entire time he was having his heat.

At first, it was silly things like “i forgot to find the rest of my underwear, im gonna have to do laundry every day now”, and “i know you told me not to forget anything but all my most important things are all in your flat :’(,” both of which made Dan laugh and his heart clench up in happiness to know that Phil’s entire life had pretty much already migrated into Dan’s flat.

After the first few hours, though, while Dan was in-between flare up’s and munching on power bars, they become more sentimental and funny, more similar to what Phil used to text Dan back at the very beginning of their relationship mixed with corny love struck texts that reflected their emotions from tonight. They were everything Dan could have ever asked for and more, and they truly made this heat the best that Dan had ever experienced.

From: Phil Lester <3

i miss you already :’( do you miss me?

From: Phil Lester <3

part of me wishes id stayed, but im glad were waiting

From: Phil Lester <3

look at this dog i saw on my facebook feed. when are we gonna adopt? :’D

From: Phil Lester <3

i found this jacket you might like and i might have already bought it, oops

From: Phil Lester <3

the new youtube red short film im editing -- we have to watch it together when its out, okay??? i think youll love it!!

From: Phil Lester <3

thinking of you :’(

The last one came with an attached photo of Phil’s face, smiling delicately at Dan like he was unsure if he should be sending it all, and yet it made Dan feel warm to the core on the second afternoon of his heat. He hadn’t realized just how badly he’d needed the picture until he was staring at it, fingers fisted around his cock while his core fluttered around nothing and slick dripped from between his legs.

Dan could feel his insides aching as he sunk his fingers back into himself and dropped the phone, flinging his head backwards on a ragged moan as he pressed in deep and gave himself everything he wanted. There was an abandoned vibrator at his side that he’d given up on in preference of pretending his own fingers where Phil’s, and he felt so fucking good that he came almost instantly after pressing against his g-spot, collapsing backwards into a pile of pillows that smelled like Phil.

Phil, Phil, Phil, he was all Dan could think about, and he gasped and moaned as he writhed in his nest, soaking in the fact that everything smelt like alpha. Never before had Dan felt so good, and while he was a mix of exhausted and bored when he wasn’t in the midsts of heat waves pressing into his tummy and begging Dan to get pregnant, he was also content, because for the first time in his life, Dan had a partner to think of while he went through this.

Not to mention, when he was finished, he had a standing date with Phil to finally have sex, something he couldn’t stop thinking of.

How many times now had he rutted against Phil’s cock and felt the outline of the alpha, hot and long in his jeans? How many times had he pressed in close and felt that bulge, body reacting in desperate want to have it inside already? Phil’s mouth was pure heaven on Dan’s lips, and he couldn’t even begin to imagine how it was going to feel everywhere else, but he wanted it. He wanted it more than he wanted anything in the world, and as the image of Phil biting into his scent gland, bonding him, sunk into Dan’s mind, he came with an explosive call of the alpha’s name, knuckle deep into his core once more, and hand fisted tight around his dick.

Dan didn’t know what was better, the image, or the sensation, and he gasped as he rocked into himself, desperate for Phil, soaked in sweat and slick, wishing the alpha was there to clean him up.

The memory of him would have to be enough for now. Dan just knew he couldn’t wait until he could finally have the love of his life in every way.

 On the fourth morning after Phil had left Dan’s side, Dan woke up exhausted, but okay. The heat cramps had dissipated, and the desperate arousal that had made his skin thrum for the past three days was finally gone. His cock was soft and limp against his thigh, and while his insides throbbed from being used and abused so much, the slick had pretty much stopped, and he wasn’t clenching desperately around nothing anymore.

He was, however, covered in slick, and fully aware that the entire walk-in he’d sequestered himself in smelled like nothing but heat and omega pheromones. Dan was willing to bet his entire flat was tinged with the scent as well, but while Dan knew he was going to have to get up eventually and clean the whole mess up, he was mostly just relieved.

Heat’s were amazing, don’t get Dan wrong. He actually really enjoyed them, and while spending a heat with a partner was always going to be better than spending it alone, Dan had yet to meet an omega who actually complained about their heat when they came less often than seven-ish times a year. Sure, they were long, often boring, and sometimes painful, but the chance to take time off and feel flushed with pleasure for three days wasn’t something to gawk at. Most omega’s enjoyed the time to feel extra pleasured, and when it came time to get pregnant and have babies, most seemed to feel euphoric.

Dan couldn’t wait to one day experience that, but not until he and Phil were ready.

No, Dan was relieved that his heat was over because it meant he’d finally get to have Phil back in his home, and he’d honestly desperately missed the alpha since he’d been gone.

Dan’s body was sore, he was tired of living off of protein bars and water, and he wanted Phil home, but he didn’t so much mind that he’d just spent three days essentially pleasuring himself to the mental image of Phil.

The fact that Phil was going to be the one pleasuring him the next time, though… well, that was enough to get Dan out of his nest and cleaning up.

The nest went first. With his heat over, and his hormones back to normal, Dan didn’t crave the safety of the little den any longer. He pulled it apart, sheets first, to start setting them in the wash with a special, slick dispelling soap. Then, he made two more piles by the washer and dryer; one full of the duvets he’d used up, and another full of the clothing he’d eventually need to return to Phil, as well as his own that he’d need to hang back up.

Once that was mostly taken care of, Dan took the more non-cloth like items such as his teddy bear, and his toys, into the bathroom to manually clean of his scent. The teddy bear, Dan knew, would have to air out for the most part, as he’d used it for nearly every single one of his heats in the past, but it hardly mattered. If it was left in the bathroom, it shouldn’t bother anyone too much.

His toys, on the other hand, needed to be properly washed and sanitized before Dan put them away, and his fingers were deft and quick against the malleable plastic. He’d cleaned them a thousand times in the past, and he had no desire to linger over them now when he had something much more pleasant coming for him tonight.

Just the thought made Dan grin and groan a little, low in his throat. He’d lived off the image of Phil fucking him for three days, now. The idea of it finally happening was making him wet, and he had to tighten his legs a bit to prevent the slick from getting everywhere.

On the upside, it didn’t smell quite as arousing as heat-slick did, and reassured Dan that he was most definitely finished with that part of his life for now. No, any arousal Dan felt now was purely his own, and not instinct. He couldn’t wait until Phil got home.

 By the time Dan had finished cleaning and airing out his apartment, a second load of duvets in the washer, it was nearing six o’clock. Phil didn’t tend to get off and home until closer to nine, but Dan hadn’t yet texted him it was safe to come back to Dan’s, and his heart was racing in his chest at the very idea of it all. He could feel his insides sopping with slick already, desperate for something Dan had been waiting months to have, and he scolded himself a little for getting overly excited.

What if Phil had changed his mind? What if he wanted to wait a little longer before they had sex? Dan could and would understand that, never wanting to push the alpha past his boundaries, but he needed to get his body under control before he lost his mind completely and demanded Phil come home and fuck him already.

Settling back on the couch, Dan finally relaxed and picked up his phone.

Phil had been texting him all day, the same as he had the past three - little nonsense words about what was going on, and pictures of things that had reminded Phil of Dan. There was even another selfie of Phil frowning at the camera, captioned with how he reacted to his coworkers being absolute idiots, and it made Dan laugh and sigh happily as he fingered his phone in his hands.

Phil Lester was everything that Dan had ever wanted, and he still couldn’t figure out how he’d gotten so lucky.

To: Phil Lester <3

De-heat-afied the flat. Come home? :(

From: Phil Lester <3

home? :’D

To: Phil Lester <3

well, you said it yourself. you practically live here now. so yeah… come home

From: Phil Lester <3

be there in twenty minutes

There was no mention of their plans in the quick five minute conversation. They didn’t discuss what Dan was hoping was going to happen. They didn’t talk about missing each other, or the I-love-you’s, or anything else that had happened since the last time they’d seen each other, and yet, it didn’t seem to matter to Dan.

Phil had called his flat home, had joked about it being something more to him than just Dan’s flat, and had spent a good portion of Dan’s heat complaining that all of his things were at Dan’s. Phil had promised to be home nearly three hours before he normally got off work, and that… that was everything to Dan.

Just knowing that Phil already considered Dan’s home, home too, and that he’d missed Dan enough to leave work early, that was everything to Dan, who couldn’t seem to stop it when he started to purr and fell backwards on his couch to lay against the cushions with stars in his eyes. His heart was beating frantically in his chest, aching in a way that made Dan want to burst with how much he loved Phil Lester.

Never… never in his life had he felt so treasured and so wanted. It didn’t matter, in that moment, if they had sex that night. It didn’t matter, because Dan already had everything he’d ever wanted.

 Ever the gentleman - or just a dork, Dan wasn’t sure - Phil knocked on the front door when he arrived.

Dan knew it was him because he’d be able to pick up Phil’s scent from anywhere by now, and he rolled his eyes at the sound because Phil had long since been given a key, but he didn’t complain as he stood and hurried to his front door, desperate to see his alpha again. His fingers were slippery on the doorknob, but he managed to pull it open, and was taken by surprise when the first thing he saw was another huge bouquet of wild flowers completely obscuring his view of Phil.

“I - what?” Dan stuttered, blushing a deep red at the notion of getting flowers again, like they were back in the beginning days and Phil was still trying to court him. He could feel his breathing had picked up, and he couldn’t help the smile that tugged at the corners of his lips, nor the way he seemed to melt into himself a little. It was such a silly, unnecessary gesture, and yet Dan was living for it.

“Phil,” he whispered, as he reached out to take the bouquet at the same time as Phil chuckled at him. His fingers tightened around the purple paper that was wrapped around the bouquet as he pulled it in close, for one second completely captivated by the scent and sight of the flowers. Then, he turned his gaze completely towards Phil, only to be faced with a look of complete and utter self-satisfaction painted across his features.

Dan was certain that he probably looked entirely enamoured.

“I hate you,” Dan muttered, and dropped the flowers to his side, taking two steps forward and pressing in close to nuzzle into his alpha. Phil chuckled again and wrapped his arms instantly around Dan, like he couldn’t help himself, and buried his face in Dan’s hair. “You didn’t have to,” Dan added for good measure as he inhaled deeply, taking in the scent of his alpha and wishing desperately to bury himself in him entirely.

“I did,” Phil murmured in response, his hands soothing against Dan’s back, scenting him unobtrusively. He breathed deeply against Dan’s hair, like he wanted to saturate Dan in Phil, and then pressed a kiss delicately to the top of his head. “I wanted to give you something special because - because I missed you,” he added, laughing at himself and hugging Dan a little tighter for a moment. “Can you really blame me?”

Dan chuckled as well, and shook his head, eyes a little wet as he pressed his face against Phil.

“No. I can’t. I missed you too,” he shot back, and sighed when Phil rumbled in response, the sound pleasant and warm as it soaked into Dan.

He’d missed this so much, more than he could say. He could spend hours just cuddling with Phil, wrapped up in his scent, and the long three days apart had felt like an eternity when Dan had spent the entire time imagining Phil was with him, in bed. Dan hadn’t even gotten to experience that yet, and it had been amazing. He couldn’t imagine what it would be like when…

His face grew a deeper red as his body started to react in tandem with his thoughts.

Dan shifted against Phil, trying to hide the fact that he was growing hard, only for Phil to draw him in closer and inhale deeply.

“I think we should get inside,” the alpha rumbled, his voice all deep and husky, the way it only ever seemed to get when he was taken slightly by instinct, when he was hard and wanting for Dan. The sound made Dan shudder and mewl, pressing in closer to Phil despite the fact that the alpha had suggested otherwise, and he pressed tentative, needy kisses against Phil’s chest.

“We probably should,” Dan agreed after a second, mind a little hazy.

He tried to pull back from Phil, but for a moment, the alpha wouldn’t let him go. His hands tightened around Dan, holding him closer, and then relaxed completely as Phil sighed. Not wanting to test the limits of Phil’s self control, Dan hurriedly stepped out of his arms, and turned on his heel to head straight for the kitchen, some part of his brain still very aware that he had a bouquet of flowers in his hands.

The sound of his front door shutting behind him was eerily reminiscent of the time Phil had showed up at Dan’s house that second time, and when the alpha’s footsteps carefully followed Dan into the kitchen, he felt a shiver rush up his spine.

Dan didn’t want to rush into this though, and while he was trembling with want, he turned, dropped the bouquet on his counter, and stared up at Phil with needy eyes.

“Alpha,” he managed, swallowing thickly when this made Phil’s pupils dilate. His hands were in fists at his sides, like he was trying to control himself, and it was like dynamite in Dan’s veins. He could feel himself beginning to grow wet, to throb with desire, because he hadn’t once seen Phil lose control in Dan’s presence just yet.

Dan wondered if Phil was just finally at the end of his rope, and couldn’t help throbbing in reaction to that.

Phil inhaled deeply, and shut his eyes.

“Look,” Dan insisted, “I know you said - before my heat, you said you’d only been waiting for the right time, but I don’t want to rush this. If you still aren’t… aren’t ready, that’s fine, Phil. When we said after, I didn’t mean it had to be immediately after,” he explained, trying to maintain his breathing and not make it anymore obvious just how desperate he was for the alpha. He’d been waiting so long, though, ready and willing to be taken and marked and claimed. His veins trembled with it, heart beating erratically in his chest. All Dan wanted was to know what Phil was like, what he tasted like, how he’d treat Dan…

He moaned before he could stop himself.

“Dan,” Phil gasped, sounding just as desperate and willing as Dan. “I want this. I want you. I’ve wanted you since day one, I just didn’t want to screw things up. Please… you’ve been all I’ve been able to think about since that night. I need you to tell me now if you’ve changed your mind. I want… I want to finally have this with you.”

His eyes were sad, and though his hands were still clenched into fists at his sides, like he was holding himself back from pouncing on Dan, he seemed to be trying to pull himself together, reign in his desire so that he could do what Dan wanted, what Dan needed, whatever that might be.

The sight of Phil’s self restraint… it broke Dan, and he launched himself into the alpha’s arms without a second thought.

For a second, Dan wondered if this was all because of his heat. Did he smell of pheromones? Were they screwing with Phil’s head? Had he not gotten rid of the scent quite enough, or was he still in heat? But no, as Dan inhaled deeply, mind dizzy with his want for Phil, he became very aware that there was next to no heat pheromones in his apartment, and those that were there, weren’t enough to drive either of them as crazy as they seemed to be just then.

Dan’s mouth came down on Phil’s, and he whispered out a soft, “I’m ready,” that seemed to be everything both male’s finally needed to break the long standing truce they’d held for months, now. Dan mewled, Phil growled, and suddenly, Dan was completely and utterly wrapped up in long-limbed alpha.

Phil’s mouth was warm as ever. Despite the way Dan could feel Phil rapidly losing control, he kissed just as sweet and as passionately as he ever had, licking and sucking at Dan’s mouth and nipping gently at his lips. When he pressed in deep, he did so in a way that felt all consuming and heated, and yet gentle at the same time. His hands embraced Dan’s body and pressed Dan close, but he didn’t crush them together the way Dan had known partners to do in the past. He just cradled Dan close with a pressure that made Dan feel wanted, but not suffocated, and kissed him until Dan was absolutely aching for more.

They were both making ridiculous noises. Dan couldn’t seem to stop purring on and off, little mewls and sighs escaping his throat, all while a rumble took up in Phil’s chest and echoed inside of Dan’s body. Dan’s hands buried themselves under Phil’s shirt, finally feeling safe enough to touch skin he’d ached to see for ages, all while Phil’s hands seemed to stutter up and down Dan’s back, unsure where they wanted to land.

It felt wonderful, and as Dan grinded his hips forwards, only to find Phil’s answering arousal there ready to meet him, he wanted nothing more than to take this to the bed.

So he did.

Dragging his mouth from Phil’s with a loud gasp, Dan pulled back against his touch, and felt a zing go through him at the ease with which Phil let him go. Phil’s eyes were half lidded and dark, the blue something different now, overblown with black and such a thin line it made it look even more intense. His mouth was wet from Dan’s kisses, and his hands were shaking at his sides, hips undulating slightly.

He looked absolutely wrecked, and the fact that Dan had done that to him, made him ache with need.

“Come on,” he insisted to Phil, taking his hand in his and tugging him hurriedly into the bedroom.

There were new sheets on the bed that didn’t smell like Phil anymore because Dan had washed them, but neither male seemed to care as they entered the room, eyes only for each other. Dan kept tugging at Phil’s hand, turning him until the alpha was doing what he wanted, and then pushed the male back against their bed until he was splayed out with his legs spread and hanging off the edge of the bed.

He looked so good like that, that Dan couldn’t help but to stop and stare. He’d wanted this for so long, wanted to have and see and hold Phil like this, eat him up and feel him intimately against Dan, and now that he was getting just that, Dan wasn’t sure where to start.

“Fuck,” he mumbled, “Phil. You look really hot like that,” he gasped, and found himself stepping forward instantly. Phil chuckled in response, smiling at Dan, and reached out with shaking hands to take Dan into his arms.

“Thanks,” he grumbled, voice so fucking deep and hot. “Now come here. I wasn’t quite done kissing you,” he teased.

How was Dan supposed to deny a request like that?

Without hesitating, Dan stepped forward and crawled onto the bed with Phil, pleased when the alpha scooted back so his legs no longer dangled off the side, and shifted his own legs to bracket on either side of Phil’s hips. Phil’s hands came up to press under the edge of Dan’s shirt, for the very first time touching Dan’s actual skin, and Dan purred as he leaned in close for another kiss.

Their lips pressed together just as needily as before, but it was the progression of Phil’s hands that really got Dan going. He rucked up Dan’s shirt without a care in the world, his hands so cold and yet hot against Dan’s skin, painting circles into his flesh and skating up his back to feel the outline of his shoulder blades. Phil had touched him a thousand times in the past, but never quite like this, never flesh on flesh, and when his hands skated back down to count against the bones of Dan’s spine, he shivered and moaned into Phil’s mouth so loud, Phil actually groaned in reaction.

“You sure your heat is over, Dan?” Phil wondered, disconnecting their mouths to laugh at Dan, “Cause you are… really, really reactive,” he added wonderingly, eyes sparkling and lips quirked in mischief. Dan leaned forward to kiss him hungrily again, his own hands moving to ruck up Phil’s shirt, exposing the alpha’s belly and sides, and tucking just under his armpits.

“I’m sure. I’m always loud,” he teased Phil when he pulled away from his lips, only to stare in wonder at the dark, dusky peaks of Phil’s nipples and the tangle of chest hair now exposed to him.

Phil’s chest was red, flushed with desire as he shuddered under Dan’s touch, who sat up on Phil’s hips to press his hands all over Phil’s exposed body. His bum rested just over the alpha’s straining dick, but Dan did nothing in reaction to it, merely smoothing his fingers around nipples and chest hair, plucking at plump skin, and watching the way Phil’s body reacted under his.

Phil never once took his eyes off of Dan, watching the way he touched, and licked his lips. Dan’s own gaze kept flicking up to Phil’s, until Dan couldn’t take it any longer, and he leaned down to bite a mark into Phil’s chest, just under his ribcage, sucking hungrily and claiming the alpha as his. He felt his scent shift to permeate over Phil’s skin, and groaned at the way Phil growled at him, fingers coming down to tangle in Dan’s hair. Dan merely sucked and bit harder, eyes closing in wonderment at the fact that he was finally getting to do this, and shifted to ruck his shirt up enough that he could pull it completely away when he pulled back from Phil’s rib cage.

He did, tossing his shirt over his shoulder and watching the way Phil’s eyes instantly moved to his exposed skin to trace over his chest.

“I want you, Alpha,” Dan whispered, “Want all of you. Want you to mark me all over,” he groaned, reaching down to press his hand against the bruise now forming on Phil’s stomach, and gasping at the way Phil growled and rolled his hips up into Dan’s ass in response. His cunt clenched around nothing slick beginning to dribble down until Dan could feel that he was getting soaked, and he groaned, throwing his head back in a way he hoped would be enticing.

“Take me, Alpha,” Dan said again, hoping this time, Phil would get the message.

He did.

While there were so many things Dan wanted to do with Phil, so much time he wanted to spend pinning the alpha to his bed, rutting down against him, and riding the cock Dan had been craving for so long, he wanted this even more - Phil taking control and making Dan feel like heaven had come to Earth early. The alpha flipped them, pressing Dan into the bed, and surging in to kiss Dan all over again.

His hands burned as they skated over Dan’s ribcage, playing at the waistband of his pants, and smoothing back up to tweak at Dan’s sensitive nipples. His own chest wasn’t quite as flat as Phil’s, filled with more fat to make room for breasts that would form should Dan get pregnant, and Phil seemed to love the swell of them, pressing the flesh up and into his palm as he groaned into Dan’s mouth. His hips rutted down into Dan’s, pressing their cocks against each other through their pants, and making Dan’s body shudder for more.

He could scent the smell of slick taking over the room, sweet and heady, as could Phil, as he pulled away from Dan’s lips and snuffle at his neck. His hands moved from cupping at Dan’s small breasts to instead rub between his legs, where the slick was pouring free, and rumbled against Dan’s neck.

“Shit. I forgot - how warm, and wet omega’s get,” he gasped against Dan’s neck. “You’re so beautiful Dan, and you smell amazing,” he groaned, nuzzling in close once more before his lips came down to suck around Dan’s scent glands.

Dan arched into the touch, moaning loudly, and rutted his body down against Phil’s searching hands as the alpha came so close to bonding them. He didn’t bite, however, not the way Dan had imagined he would - instead, he sucked, and licked, and kissed at the small spot until he seemed to have coated it in his scent so thoroughly he might as well have bit down, and then pulled away to hum against Dan’s mouth, nose rubbing gently along Dan’s.

Dan opened his eyes to find the alpha was staring at him with such need and love in his gaze, Dan nearly melted.

“Wanna bond with you one day. Wanna mark you for the world to see… but not today,” he explained, and kissed Dan leisurely one more time.

His hands had moved from between Dan’s legs, to his thighs, were he massaged the clothed skin through Dan’s sweat pants, and smoothed his fingers against him. It felt so good that Dan shuddered as Phil kissed him, licking into his mouth as gently as he always did, before pulling away.

“But I’m going to mark you in every other way,” Phil continued after a moment, the words gravely in his husky voice, eyes dark. They sent a thrill through Dan who threw his head back and moaned as Phil leaned in close and nipped at his collarbones, proceeding to decorate Dan’s chest in light hickeys and bruises that made Dan’s core tingle. He didn’t know what was throbbing worse - his dick, or his cunt; all he knew was that he wanted more.

Phil’s mouth came around Dan’s nipple, and it was better than he’d ever imagined. Phil suckled at the swell of Dan’s almost-breast, needy and wanton as he kissed and bit at it, tangling his tongue around as if he were searching for something more than just breast. The mental image of Phil suckling at Dan’s milk-wet breasts while he was pregant made Dan groan and spend pre-cum from his dick rutting up as Phil chuckled against him.

Then, he pulled back from Dan’s nipple to suck at the skin around it, marking Dan as his, before trailing further downward and marking Dan’s stomach as well.

As Phil moved, mouth hot and hands burning against his skin, Dan couldn’t help feeling like he was going to go crazy. Phil was better than Dan had ever imagined he could be, more slick and warm than anyone else Dan had ever had. He mouthed along Dan’s bellybutton, tongue fucking him there, and giving Dan a taste of what he could do, and then he was nibbling at Dan’s hip bones as his fingers played with the waistband of Dan’s pants.

Meanwhile, the alpha still hadn’t taken off his shirt, and Dan growled as he sat up and pushed the tease away from him.

“Strip,” he demanded, as his own hands pushed at the waistband of his pants, his boxers, slipping them free from and releasing the full scent of his slick into the air.

Dan could see how it was effecting Phil as the alpha clambered off of Dan to do as he’d been told, stripping first his work shirt, and then his belt from his jeans. For a second, Dan could imagine Phil tying him up with that, and then the moment was gone as Phil struggled with his jeans.

Dan reached down to stroke his hand over his cock as Phil undressed, eyes on nothing more than the great reveal of the alpha cock he’d been waiting for, and then it was there, far more glorious even then Dan had ever imagined it could be. It sprang free of his boxers as Phil scrambled out of them, hard and heavy as it bobbed between his legs, only a bit bigger than Dan’s omega one.

Alphas were always just a bit bigger, more than average, to accommodate for the knot that would settle at the base of their dick, but Dan was by no means small. In fact, he was proud of the fact that his own dick rested pale and thick against his tummy as Phil hungrily climbed back over him.

What he wasn’t expecting, was the way Phil instantly delved in to take Dan’s cock into his mouth, pleasuring Dan in a way he’d never quite experienced before - cool fingers pressed between the lips of his cunt, playing lightly with the flaps and the slick there as his mouth worked diligently and hotly over Dan’s cock. His tongue swirled over Dan’s tip, and his throat constricted around his dick as he took Dan as far as he could, fingers making Dan’s core ache with need where they played.

Phil was inhaling Dan’s scent deeply as Dan groaned underneath his touch, bucking almost wildly against Phil but trying his best to keep his body sated and still.

Dan was amazed he could want so much when he’d only just finished his heat, but he didn’t complain as Phil pressed a teasing fingers inside of Dan at the same time as he pulled back from Dan’s dick and grinned up at him.

“You taste better than I ever imagined,” Phil rumbled, “Better than anyone I’ve ever had. My mate,” he continued, leaning in to slurp up Dan’s cock all over again. Dan gasped, and groaned against the words, the sensations, as Phil pressed the finger in deeper, exploring and taking all that Dan had.

He felt so good, so much better than Dan himself, better than any toy, but it was his words that got Dan.

Phil pulled off his dick again with another hot pop.

“I wonder how good your slick will taste,” he said, and ducked in close to close his mouth around Dan’s cunt and suck.

It was… not something Dan had quite been ready for. He’d considered the chance that his alpha would want to put his mouth there as well as Dan’s cock, had considered that his alpha might give him everything, but Dan hadn’t truly expected so soon. The sensation of Phil’s mouth sucking at his cunt, lapping at his slick, all while his finger remained pressed inside of Dan… it was the best feeling Dan had ever experienced, and he wasn’t ashamed to admit that he came almost instantly when Phil pressed his tongue inside as well and slurped at Dan’s body, swallowing all that Dan had to give in the most obviously pleased ministration ever, rumbling in a pleased way.

Dan’s cock shook, and he came, gasping as cum dripped all over his abdomen while his cunt clenched up and scent a rush of slick down and out of him, straight into Phil’s mouth.

Dan shuddered as pleasure overtook him, crashing over his mind and making him cry out as his hips shook. Phil, meanwhile, didn’t stop pressing in deeper, sucking at all Dan had to give him, arching his finger and pressing against Dan’s walls in a way that made him feel like he was never going to stop coming.

His face screwed up, and his legs tensed as he came, Phil groaning for more and likely throbbing below Dan.

Dan wanted so much more.

By the time Dan had come down from his high, Phil was still fingering him lightly, but his mouth had moved from Dan’s cunt to his stomach where he was lapping gently at Dan’s skin, clearing him of spunk and rumbling happily. He had a pleased smile on his face, cock red and hard between his legs, but he didn’t seem to care for it at all as he moved his mouth to Dan’s dick and suckled gently at the head.

Dan let out a whimper at the sensation, and reached down to thread his fingers back through Phil’s black hair.

“Alpha,” he gasped, forcing the alpha’s gaze back onto him. “Fuck me. Now,” he demanded, watching as Phil reacted to the words in what seemed like slow motion. His expression turned from pleased, to dangerous, like he was losing his control, like he needed Dan as bad as Dan needed Phil.

It didn’t even matter that Dan had just come. He wanted Phil, and he wanted Phil now.

The alpha flat out growled at Dan’s demand, and shifted up on his knees as the finger inside of Dan started to work in earnest. Dan mewled at the way it felt, and grinned up at Phil in satisfaction, stretching his body out to show himself off completely. He arched his neck to set the alpha off more completely, and groaned when it caused Phil to press a second finger in needily.

“Fuck,” the alpha groaned. “I can’t wait to be inside of you, omega. Dan, god, you look so good,” he gasped, and leaned in close to nip at his neck.

He nuzzled it, licking over it again, as his fingers worked to spread Dan for him, even though Dan didn’t need it. He didn’t say a word, certain Phil was bigger than Dan was fully expecting, sure that Phil knew what he was doing, and waited as his body ached with pleasure, ready to come all over again.

“You’re cunt is so warm, Dan. So fucking warm. I forgot how good this could feel… I’ve wanted you so long,” Phil rumbled, mumbling the words against the shell of Dan’s ear, licking at the skin there and making Dan shudder all over again. He gasped at the words, arching his body up to Phil’s, and reached out with rough fingers to force Phil’s head close and kiss him.

“I’m ready,” he gasped after another minute, words muffled under Phil’s tongue, which was becoming far less composed as he usually was. He seemed unable to be as gentle as he wanted, and kissed and soothed at Dan’s mouth in apology. “Fuck me, now, Phil,” he continued, and laughed when a groan punched its way out of Phil’s throat in response.

The alpha didn’t hesitate. He pulled his fingers free from Dan’s body, and shifted so his cock bobbed between his legs and so close to Dan’s cunt, that his body clenched down at the thought of it. Dan was biting his bottom lip, and Phil was staring at him with eyes so bright and full of lust, it was amazing he hadn’t sunk all the way inside just yet.

Of course, that’s when Phil decided to take Dan completely by surprise when he said, “I love you, my Daniel,” before kissing him once more.

This time, his lips were not quite as heated. His touch was calmer, somehow, contrasting completely with the dark of his eyes mere seconds ago, but Dan didn’t even care. Somehow, this was better, so much fucking better, and even as Phil seemed to begin to lose himself again to the lust so obviously boiling over, he was gentle as his cock head nudged at Dan’s entrance and pressed inside.

Being fucked was… amazing. Being fucked by an alpha, was always particularly special.

Being fucked by Phil was like the beginning and end of the world.

He sunk in slow, cock pushing Dan’s body open, mouth panting against Dan’s lips. His chest was sweaty but perfect against Dan’s chest, flush to him as he worked to get his hips flush to Dan’s, groaning a little with each new inch Dan took. He didn’t rush, and he didn’t push, and he didn’t overwhelm Dan, but at the same time, he totally did.

Having sex with one’s mate was… more than Dan could have imagined.

There was just something about the intimacy, the care Phil put in his every movement, something about the fact that Phil had wanted to wait until just the right moment, that made everything about this seem almost otherworldly.

By the time Phil had settled all the way in, Dan knew he never wanted it to end.

“Phil,” he was gasping, the name chanting from his mouth over and over, and over again. “Phil, I love you,” he gasped at some point, the words lost to Phil’s mouth as he gasped against Dan, hips shifting but doing their best not to move just yet.

Their bodies fit together perfectly, a symphony seeming to rise in Dan, purrs escaping him and his heart beating fast in his chest. Phil was rumbling against him, scenting at his neck, licking over his skin, teasing with his teeth like he wanted to bite, but he didn’t.

There was a ringing inside of Dan’s ears, and then Phil whispered, “Mine,” all over again, and started to move.

Dan’s body surged upwards into Phil’s at the first drag of hot cock inside of his warm walls, his core singing as Phil’s body drove in and out of him. Phil was growling at Dan, mindless, hands clenched into Dan’s sides, fingernails biting into his skin, marking Dan all over again. His teeth were bared against Dan’s neck, little huffs escaping him as he moved, all while Dan keened and mewled, wrapping his entire body around Phil’s and drawing him close.

They moved together, as best they could. Dan’s movements were frantic, Phil’s bordering on out of control, and yet it was perfect. Everything about it was perfect, wonderful, amazing, and Dan’s heart sang as Phil held him and fucked him.

One hand sank between their bodies at one point, playing with Dan’s cock. Phil’s thumb stroked over the top, at the slit, pumping the foreskin up and down to give Dan more pleasure, and then Dan felt it - Phil was panting, his body seizing up, the fast but tempered paced he’d been setting falling apart in what seemed an instant. Something… something was nuding at Dan’s entrance, growing, popping, and Dan realized it was Phil’s knot.

The alpha was going to knot him, and the idea of it left Dan brain dead.

“Please!” he cried, body seizing up on his own desire to come, “Knot me, alpha, knot me!” he begged, body surging down on Phil’s cock, begging the knot to press inside, to push past the lips of his pussy and sink straight into him, locking them together for a few moments at least.

Phil grunted in response, licking desperately at Dan’s neck, and then he pushed Dan’s head to the side and bit suddenly and surprisingly into Dan’s shoulder.

The sensation stung, wasn’t anywhere near where Dan wished it would be, and yet he knew that Phil hadn’t been able to control himself but hadn’t wanted to make a mistake. While Dan mourned the loss of bonding pheromones that should have flooded him, he was pleased to know that Phil wouldn’t allow a night of passion to take the choice away from both of them, even if he knew they both wanted it more than anything.

The right time. They were waiting for the right time, not the first time they had sex, not Dan’s heat - the right time.

Phi’s knot suddenly popped in, and Dan cried out as his body was stretched further still. Phil’s cock practically exploded inside of him, hot cum filling him up, and Dan groaned at the sensation, body craving it as his cunt bared down to take it all, squeezing every lost drop from Phil’s cock.

Phil’s hips seized up, pumped twice more, stilled. His hand stuttered over Dan’s cock, and Dan came too, spunk once again painting its way up his chest as he gasped, fucked down on Phil’s cock and stilled too.

Phil collapsed on top of Dan with a gasp.

His teeth released Dan’s shoulder.

Dan nuzzled at the top of Phil’s hair, and thought, I could live with this, with a giddy little chuckle.

He never wanted to let Phil out of his life.

 Afterwards, once they’d cleaned up and Phil had crawled into Dan’s bed stark naked to spoon against his back, Dan asked the question he’d been waiting a month to ask.

“Move in with me,” he said, voice soft, quite, a little hoarse. He was purring, the same he’d been pretty much since Phil had knotted him, pretty much since Phil had come into his life, and he didn’t even care that the words had come out more as a sleep demand.

Phil chuckled against his neck, and nuzzled in close, wet hair brushing against Dan’s bruised and aching shoulder.

He pressed a kiss against the nape of Dan’s neck, and sighed.

“I pretty much already have. I don’t see why we couldn’t make it official.”

The words made Dan grin, and he patted at Phil’s hands where it rested on Dan’s hip.

“Good. Cause I never want you to leave me again.”

Phil chuckled again.

“Never,” he promised and sealed it with one last kiss against Dan’s scent glands.

One day… he’d bite into that as well, and they’d be mated, forever.

Dan couldn’t wait.

But also, there was no hurry.

[artificialqueens]

Church of the Poison Mind (Trixya) Ch. 7 - Dahlia

A/N:

SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. I’ve been going through a lot of pretty heavy real life stuff, and have just basically been overwhelmed, but I am so OVERJOYED to be writing again! And I thank you so much for your patience in waiting for this chapter! Here’s hoping the final chapters follow in quick succession. Thank you so so so much for all of your kind words and messages, they keep me going!

ALSO I’M SO SORRY THIS ENTIRE CHAPTER IS JUST ANGST. You’re welcome. :)

I would not have made it through this chapter, or life in general, without my lovely lesbians DjoodiGarland and Matilda_Queen. Thank you for always being there for me and loving me through this. And to Rosie, my beautiful, sweet love. Thank you for everything, I don’t know where I’d be without you.

“What kind of daughter are you?”

There had been a lot of shouting those days, a lot of name calling, a myriad of misspoken insults that sank into her skin like injections of lost faith.

Trixie spent most of her time calling rental agencies, shaking her mother awake, getting turned down by realtor after realtor because she was, well, she was too young. And truly, how could she expect any respectable adult to take her seriously?

“You have to be at least 18 to apply.”

 I’m not.

“Is this a prank call? Where are your parents, kid?”

Hell, if I should know.

”You have to file a credit report, first.”

What’s a credit report?

“Okay so, why can’t your mother come to the phone again?”

She’s ill.

”We’ll get back to you.”

No, you won’t.

Homeless. Trixie kept thinking, homeless . If it continues on this way, the sheriff will come and evict us and we’ll be homeless. Countless nights she’d lie awake, obsessively checking her emails, relentlessly disappointed, and she’d think homeless.

She’d stopped going to school, stopped trying to wake her mother in time for the truancy officers, in time for CPS, and family services. And nobody looked at her the same, they always held the same disgustingly patronizing eyes. Poor trixie, her mother doesn’t care, her mother can’t care, her mother had forgotten to care.

But still, they shrugged her case off. Afterall, there’d been no evidence of physical abuse. Trixie appeared well fed, well kempt. And this allowed for more time, for more phone calls and rejections. Allowed for more empty booze bottles and prescription refills, piling sinks full of dishes and dirty carpets.

And soon she found herself asking, “What kind of a daughter am I?”

—

“I’m very sorry, we… I should not have done this. It was inappropriate of me.”

“Katya…”

Through the fog of lost sleep and Russian folk flowing tinny through the car speakers, Trixie rubbed the sleep from her eyes, stealing glances from her seat on the passenger’s side. Katya’s eyes were narrowed and stolid as she drove, focused on the road, pale hair spilling out in heaps over her thin shoulders. And neither of them spoke, the ever-thickening gravity of the night before weighing on them like a fever dream. Trixie felt tender but weary, fearful. She wanted more, so much more than the situation could allow.

Somewhere, on some plane, Trixie knew that this was fleeting; that any feeling Katya might’ve held for her, couldn’t be sustainable. And she could feel the regret, hanging bitter in the air between them, that even though they hadn’t done anything measurable, it was the tenderness that stung the most. The cloying need for sweetness, need for more, contradicted by the wavering inability to act; but still, she yearned for Katya’s touch, for that laugh, and those wide, curious eyes.

The sun came into full view then, but the hour was still just as pale blue as the shine in Katya’s eyes. And as they pulled up to Trixie’s house, much to her surprise, Katya didn’t look over, but stayed steely, eyes cast over the dashboard. And Trixie sighed complacently, as the warmth had seeped out of Katya’s smile somewhere between Main street, and Beacon drive.

Trixie sat for a moment, quiet in her breathing, searching the side of Katya’s face, silently willing Katya to turn her head. Her sight followed the deep plunge of Katya’s cheekbones, down her neck, her freckled chest; and Trixie wanted nothing more than to reach out and let a hand fall to the back of Katya’s neck, but she resisted.

And just then, with a subtle haste, Katya sent her arm across the center console, over Trixie’s chest, and opened the passenger’s side door.

Confident there was nothing more to be said, she flipped a brief nod of thanks and turned in her seat to step down, but before she could, the light brush of Katya’s fingers found her cheek. And Trixie turned her head to meet Katya’s eyes, just as bright and heavenly as they were the night before, but riddled now with penitence. Trixie closed her eyes, leaning her cheek into Katya’s palm, a deep exhale leaving her like a calm under the waves. Softly, she opened her eyes, took in one last glance, and stepped out of the car, closing the door gently behind her.

Soon Trixie was watching Katya pull away, her car stalling at first, and then kicking up dust as it descended the graveled drive. A chill ran through her, smooth in the November air; and Trixie found herself, bleary eyed and sullen, missing the cardigan she’d forgotten in Katya’s back seat. All the while hopeful, incredibly hopeful, that its presence would carry Katya back to her.

With a forbearing sigh, Trixie carried herself up the porch steps and pushed through the front door. She entered, closed it quietly behind her, and tiptoed through the kitchen, kicking off her shoes by the basement door.

“Well, aren’t we getting in late…”

Trixie turned with a start, her heart skipping a beat. Kim was sat at the kitchen window seat, spooning heaps of sugar into a steaming mug of tea. And as the steam crept into the air, an image of last night’s coffee churned in the pit of Trixie’s stomach. Then she was desperate for it, remnants of that memory still latent on the burnt tip of her tongue.

“Or should I say,” Kim spoke again with a curt grin, “early? Given it’s 5am.”

“Okay, mom. I could ask you the same thing. What’re you doing here so early?”

“Waiting for you.”

“What, why?” Trixie chuckled, scanning Kim’s face.

Trixie crossed the kitchen floor and headed for the coffee maker, her hip brushing Kim’s protruding knee as she passed by. Her head ached with exhaustion, and while she was thankful for the comforting gurgle of coffee brewing, she felt irritable, raw; unsure if the coffee would help or hurt. Trixie laid her upper body over the center counter top, her elbows resting on the surface; and she closed her eyes, self-soothing, rubbing slow circles into her temples.

“So, you did forget?”

“Forget wh-” Trixie stopped, slowed, “oh, shit. Kim, I’m so sorry. I completely forgot we had- I just got so caught up in… wait, so you sat here all night… waiting for me? Why didn’t you just call me?”

“Well, no dummy, I’m not a freak. I woke up a little while ago. And I did call you, last night. But your phone was off.”

Trixie patted around her pockets, and upon finding her phone, ran her fingertips over the surface; the tips of her nails catching in the cracks of last year’s shatter. And while she powered it on, a soft silence hung in the air between her and Kim.

↳ Kim: hey, i just got in, pearl’s cooking again, im whispering tiny prayers for the safety of your kitchen. you leave school yet?

↳ 1 Missed Call: Kim

↳ Kim: Violet said she hasn’t seen you all afternoon, are you okay?

↳ Kim: say yes to the dress is starting in like 5 mins, do you want me to wait… or???? should I just assume I get to indulge in ALL of these facemasks by myself??

↳ Kim: yoooooo my skin abouta be TIGHT

↳ 6 Missed Calls: Caller ID Restricted

↳ Kim: ok it’s literally 1am, where tf are you????? im getting kind of worried here. ive had to stop violet from calling the police like 6 times

↳ 2 Missed Calls: Kim

↳ 11 Missed Calls: Caller ID Restricted

She shook a wave of anxiety and returned her gaze to Kim.

“I… I’m so sorry, I just, my-”

“You were with her again, weren’t you?”

“What?”

“Listen, I’m worried about you, Trix,” her tone softened, and Trixie met her gaze through clouds of coffee steam, “you-”

“Listen Kim, I’ve had kind of a shitty morning and it’s like dick o’clock and I really don’t have th-”

“You’ve just, you’ve been spending a lot of time with her, Trixie.”

“Excuse me? Are you policing who I spend my time with now?” Trixie said, still joking, but a little sharper than she’d intended.

Speech suspended for a moment as Kim drew in a long breath, and exhaled on a quiet sigh.

“Okay. First of all, chill. I just mean that… Listen, Trix, she seems sweet, she really does, but there’s some nasty stuff going around about her and I just don’t want to see you mixed up in that.”

Trixie could feel a bubbling heat rising in her chest, up her neck, spreading into a rouge across her cheeks. She poured the coffee into a mug, some splashing onto the countertop, and found herself rifling through the spice rack for cinnamon; she needed something to shake Katya’s impassivity, to bring her back to last night’s loveliness; but the scent alone burned Katya’s image in the back of her mind, a picture so clear of her face, so cold and distant.

She sipped slowly, cinnamon catching at the back of her throat, and somewhere in all of the coughing, Kim’s patronization had crept beneath her skin and set the surface ablaze.

“Honestly Kim, I love you, but it’s too early for this shit. And thinking about it now, literally none of this is even remotely your business. You don’t know anything about her,” Trixie said, biting. Her headache raged on, a sour pang radiating from the back of her neck. And she could tell she was overreacting, creating something out of nothing; but she couldn’t help but fall farther into it.

“Trixie, I’m your friend. I’m just saying, you always do thi-”

“Well, don’t just say . I’m stressed enough about this as it is, and I don’t need you, of all people, making this harder on me! You’re always on me about this kind of shit, and I don’t need it right now!”

“Wow, okay. You make plans with me. Break them. Fuck your teacher. And somehow, I’m in the wrong? Since when is carin-”

“I did not fuc- did you ever stop and think, for maybe even a millisecond, that the reason I’m spending all of this time with her is because you keep ditching me?”

“Trixie, do not put this on me. You always do this.”

“Do what?” Trixie snapped.

“You always turn things around on me! I’ve literally done nothing wrong here!” Kim stood then from the window seat.

“Oh, so it’s perfectly okay for you to promise me a ride, and then leave me stranded like three times a week, but the one time I make a human mist- “

“I’ve done so much for you, Trixie! This is not one human mistake . I knew you’d find some way to fuck this up. You know, I bust my ass day and night, and everyone fucking wants something from me. I give, and I give, and all you do is take,” Kim interrupted, throwing her hands into the air, and letting them fall hard to her sides.

Trixie watched the argument unravel from a space outside of her own body. She could see the anger leaving Kim in harsh waves; and though the salt water stung, stirred bitter words in her own mouth that threatened escape, she was able to rationalize, self sooth. She couldn’t fully give herself to the argument, knowing that this was long awaited for Kim, that maybe all the stress and chaos had finally gotten to her.

A person could only bend so far before it broke them, could only expend so much before they were due. And Kim, generous and giving as they come, had spent countless hours of her life twisting and contorting her time to fit the moulds of other people; but the words still hurt, still rang of distant memories of her mother’s disappointment, of rage and of acid.

“Fuck what up?” Trixie took a step back, her mind racing.

“Nothing, just forget it.”

“No, you have something to say, say it. You’re not my mother Kim, I don’t need you to take care of me.”

“Oh, that’s rich! You know, I might as well be your mother. Who the fuck do you think found you this place when your actual mother threw you out? Who got you the job you quit because it was,” Kim pulled her fingers into air quotations, “too much? Paid your rent when you couldn’t. Who busted her ass getting you into this school? You can’t commit to anything Trixie, and now, NOW, you’ve gone and figured out the ONE way you can fuck up school, too! I hope Katya’s worth it I really do. Because when administration finds out, you’re both fucked .”

A knot twisted tightly in Trixie’s stomach.

“Stop bringing her into this! You don’t know anything about her! Or me for that matter, clearly. But obviously , you have a lot to say,” Trixie said, almost shouting.

“You think she cares about you? You’re wrong, Trix. You need to grow up, really. She’s using you, just like she did Phi Phi. And when this all blows up in your face, like everything always does, you’re gonna come crying to me. And you know what? I won’t be here.”

Just then, a small noise from the staircase caught their attention. They turned their heads to find two thin figures perched at the top, eyes wide and watching. And Pearl opened her mouth to speak, but Trixie was out the door, leaving her coffee steaming on the counter.

—

Kim’s words, heated and stinging, followed her like a phantom down the darkened halls of her university. And while it hurt, ached a sore plight down the center of her chest, she knew that everything Kim said had been right. She’d been a bad friend, taken too much and given too little. And she could hear her mother’s words too, fresh as the day they were spoken, like silent criminals come to steal her composure.

Autopilot carried her to Katya’s class, wearing the same clothes as yesterday, in the same cracked makeup down her cheeks. Their eyes met and unmet constantly, knowing, each glance holding space a little longer than it should’ve. And Trixie felt as though she could cry at any moment, as the dull ache in her head echoed through the back of her skull, and the glaring need for escape ravaged all the spaces in between. She felt trapped, cornered, unable to escape Katya’s eyes; though she wasn’t quite sure she wanted to. She wanted someone to see her, that she was sure of. Someone to see passed the façade and tell her that it was all going to be okay; and she wanted that someone to be Katya; but some things just couldn’t be, and she was learning then, slowly but surely, that she had to make peace with that. Maybe they could come out of this on top, settle for glances and smiles, chats after class, and maybe, just maybe, Trixie could forget the rush. And if not forget, then settle for a dull ache of what could’ve been.

5 Missed Calls .

Class flew by in a blurred rush of muted anxiety, Trixie auto piloting her way through the motions, all the while hoping she could slip out near the end unnoticed; but much to her dismay, as Trixie had anticipated, the end of class found Katya beelining for Trixie’s desk, and any interaction between them became suddenly unavoidable.

“Listen, Tracy, I’m… I’m very sorry about last night, about this morning, I would never want to make you feel uncomfortable,” Katya started.

“Katya don’t, really. It’s fine, you haven’t don-”

“I think it would be… in better interest, if I didn’t drive you home anymore.”

“I don’t understand,” Trixie said, picking absently at the corner of her thumb nail.

“We can’t do thi-”

“We haven’t done anything.”

“You know what I mean.”

Trixie stood for a moment and let everything sink in, their eyes meeting.

Katya reached for Trixie’s left hand and brought it gingerly to her lips. So tender, so domestic. She placed a soft kiss on Trixie’s knuckle, then let their hands drift together to the left side of her chest. And through the cotton of Katya’s blouse, Trixie could feel the quick drumming of her heart, could see in her eyes a great fear, but also a great acceptance.

“I know,” Trixie said quietly, pulling her hand back.

She turned on a slow heal and started for the door; leaving Katya, small and teary eyed, stark in the middle of the room. And as Trixie stole a final glance, the light of the projector cast her silhouette like a specter across the back wall that sunk into the floor while the door swung shut behind her.

She’d only gotten a few steps down the hall before tears began spilling down her cheeks, probably carrying mascara with them. And Trixie blotted the space beneath her eyes, covertly avoiding eye contact with Jinkx as she passed her down the main hall just before the stairs.

7 Missed Calls.

 —

 She found herself outside then, heading toward the employee parking lot, under the usual tuck of trees that arched against the rain almost protectively overhead. Though many of the leaves had fallen and sunken into the grounds, there had been just enough to provide her shelter, and she stood for a few beats before realizing Katya wasn’t going to come; then again, neither would Kim. Trixie shivered as the cold hit her, her breath evident in the brisk, and she coiled into herself, wrapping her cardigan tighter around her hips.

She patted around her pockets and produced a crumpled twenty dollar bill, that she smoothed against her books and tucked into the side of her bra, the very last of that week’s allowance. While she scrolled through her phone in search of a taxi company, though they were sparse in these parts, she watched as cars puttered by her, subtly hoping to see Katya’s round the drive.

Before she could hit call, her phone lit up again, buzzing in her palm; a contact photo, her at a young age, eyes bright and glittering, a cheesy smile. And her mother, younger, less weathered, hair still long and curly, thin fingers pinching Trixie’s cheeks.

Until then, the calls seemed more like a minor nuisance, just a permanent fixture on the dashboard of her notifications, but now it cut deep; reminded her of all that she’d lost, all that she’d never regain. And she did something she hadn’t done in months, hadn’t done since Kim had found her and brought her here, she answered . And it went just as swimmingly as she might’ve guessed.

“I’ve been calling you for weeks,” a gravely voice slurred through the phone line.

“Are you, are you drunk?”

“What kind of daughter would ask that?”

Soon there was shouting. And Trixie lost all awareness of her environment, her surrounding; but she knew people were watching, she just simply forgot to care. And tears were spilling out of her, falling onto her shirt, tangling with the rain water washing down her skin.

The air was cold, her fingers red and pruning, phone pressed firmly into her cheek. Everything was spinning and far from sound, and as her mother continued her lamentation, Trixie grew more tense, more unabsolved. She felt trapped suddenly, by all of the forces outside of her own body, controlling her, prodding and pulling like the strings of a marionette. And she came to a startling realization; her life, wasn’t hers. This wasn’t what she wanted, this wasn’t who she wanted to be.

Before she could even hang up the phone, someone was tugging at her arm, pulling her gently from the rain, and from the watching eyes. Guiding her down into a car, her boots finding the comforting crush of empty coffee cups and to-go wrappers. And her phone found its way back into her pocket, as did her fingers, numb from the cold that she pressed into her thighs.

They drove in mostly silence, down familiar roads that were slick now with sleet. And the squeaking of the windshield wipers held an almost deafening stance against the silence.

“Tracy… Ar-”

“Please, Katya. Please , don’t.” Trixie said, drying her cheeks with the sleeves of her sweater.

“I’m sorry for what I said earlier, I just… You can still talk to me, you know.”

“No, I can’t. I really can’t.”

Just then, Katya pulled her car swiftly off of the road, hitting the curb and throwing the gears into park. She took off her seatbelt so she could turn to meet Trixie’s gaze.

“What are we doing here?”

“I want to talk to you. I want you to talk to me, there’s n-”

“You know what,” Trixie said, unfastening her seatbelt, “I really can’t. And you know damn well why I can’t.”

“I am not understanding this.”

“Because, Katya! I fucking want you, I want us, I want…” Trixie threw her hands into the air in exasperation, “this! And I’m so sick of everyone in my life telling me what to do, and who to be. Even you! Everyone is always… god, I don’t know! I’m so fucking overwhelmed all of the time by this expectation of who I’m supposed to be, how I’m supposed to act. I have never, ever, not once in my life, not had to fight for every single thing that I have and I’m sick of it. I’m my own person, we are both fucking adults and we can make our own decisi-”

Before she could finish, Katya’s hands were over the center console, pulling her face close, their lips finally meeting.

—

And suddenly her fingers are on me, in my hair, running down my neck. Our mouths meeting like it’s the first time, gliding swiftly over one another, melding us as one exchange of impassioned energy. And her breath is warm, and sweet, intoxicating . Everything I need. Devastatingly, so. From the light of the cars in passing, flickering across her skin, I can see every unspoken word, escaping into the expanse. She wants me, and I want her, and this may be fleeting but I’ve forgotten to care as her hands stroke passed my hair and down my back, sliding with a quick and heavy rhythm like she’s striking a match. Every ounce of angst in me cries out for her, yearns to be closer, to be deeper, to love long and speak sweeter. And I’m falling into her hard, like I’ve never fallen before-

 —

Their lips parted as Katya pulled away with haste, her eyes squeezing shut.

“Trixie, Trixie, I’m so sorry. I shouldn’t have, we can’t do this!” Katya tensed, her accent thicker than ever.

And all of the spinning inside of Trixie stopped, her expression blank, eyes blinking quick and without rhythm. Her skin flushed, hot embers fading into gray coals.

“ Trixie ?” She said in a hushed exasperation, realizing that it was the first time she’d ever heard the name leave Katya’s lips.

“We can’t, I’m so sorry. I just, I care about you so much but we… we can’t Trix-”

“Why not? WHY NOT? You just said it, you care about me! Katya, please, not you too, you can’t do this to me, too. I can’t handle someone else telling me what I ca-”

“Trixie, please try and understand… I’m so so-”

“You know what. Save it. ”

And with that, Trixie was climbing out of the car, the garbage underfoot kicking out onto the sidewalk.

[comicteaparty]

April 11th, 2019 CTP Archive

The archive for the Comic Tea Party chat that occurred on April 11th, 2019, from 5PM - 7PM PDT.  The chat focused on Kitty Kitty Bang Bang by Moe.

Featured Comment:

Chat:

RebelVampire

COMIC TEA PARTY- THURSDAY BOOK CLUB START!

Good evening, everyone~! This week’s Thursday Book Club is officially beginning! Today we are discussing Kitty Kitty Bang Bang by Moe~! (https://tapas.io/series/kkbbcomic)

Remember that Thursday discussions are completely freeform! However, every 30 minutes I will drop in OPTIONAL discussion questions in case you’d like a bit of a prompt. If you miss out on one of these prompts, you can find them pinned for the chat’s duration. Additionally, remember that while constructive criticism is allowed, our focus is fun and respectfully appreciating the comic. All that said, let’s begin!

QUESTION 1. What is your favorite scene in the comic so far and why?

Superjustinbros

Hello!

RebelVampire

hey super~!

Superjustinbros

Coming in and I'd like to give a big shoutout to that header image on the comic's Tapas(edited)

I dunno, I thought it looked badass

RebelVampire

it is a nice header image. although what sells it for me is the logo design. its a really nice logo.

for favorite scene, hmm. ya know, i cant not pick it. the convention scene. that scene legit almost made me cry at how touching it is both with its message about how anyone can cosplay whatever they want regardless of how they look. not to mention the themes of reaching out to others. all wrapped in a nice package of no dialogue so that its the emotions at the center forefront.

Superjustinbros

Yeah.

Also this guy's hair.

RebelVampire

i like his hair and his smile combination. like both scream cocky little shit design wise and i love it cause he kind of is a cocky little shit. XD

Superjustinbros

Oh yes XD

Cocky little shits are my favorite

RebelVampire

another scene i want to show some appreciation too is the scene where we first meet kit's mom. like, i knew it was coming from the chapter title. but i enjoyed the twist it was her step-mom and theres a deeper issue going on. it turned what was easy to guess to something surprising again just by how the story plays out the reveal

Superjustinbros

https://tapas.io/episode/1370747 This is a pretty good page.

Hm, Doug McClure sounds a awful lot like this chap. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PUg6e072vgA

RebelVampire

anything in particular you like about it super?

Superjustinbros

The last two panels.

And the followup

https://tapas.io/episode/1371714

dat backside

RebelVampire

i really love the back shot composition. like what a great way to show overwhelming odds

mathtans

Evening. Made it as far as the start of the Bully arc, so late 2018.

Superjustinbros

Yeah. Also ello

I love also how Doug's got like, a million pouches on his belt

I dunno it's a detial I like

mathtans

Yeah, the convention stuff was good. Some of those real-life scenarios that made you want to shake people are good when done right.

Superjustinbros

Yes

mathtans

I'm not sure if I have a big favourite moment, but I have some little ones. Like when that "pinball wizard" thing played as Kit was taking on that nozzle in the gaming store, and it turned out it was the coworker.

The guy at the school in the knight suit, who had the fascination with corndogs. Weird background detail, added some humour to an otherwise tense scene.

RebelVampire

i love the corndog knight

i want a spin-off comic of just them

cause i want to know about them

why are they a knight

why corndogs

so many questions

mathtans

Heh. Made me think of that other bounty hunter, pointy-ears, who also couldn't speak.

Also, did not expect the female reveal there.

And I liked how the scientist flipped out over his research having the higher bounty than himself. Like, that trumped everything else he was in the process of dealing with and he went on a rampage. Amusing.

RebelVampire

yeah the scientists in general was fairly hilarious in everything he tried to prioritize. although i enjoyed that at the end of the mission the crystal wound of broken anyway. cause i felt it was fitting given everything it had been through

mathtans

I thought it was really clever how the rock was used to blind the scientist. Kitty is this weird mix of hyper competent (like when she used the snack habits of that one guy to track him down) and absent-minded (like when she then didn't make a grab for the compound).

I'm not saying that's unrealistic or anything, I can totally see it.

Very "living in the moment" with a dash of forward thinking.

RebelVampire

nah i agree shes a really interesting character. like at first i wasnt sure id like her but some of her plans have been pretty spot. and to be fair a lot of the absent-minded ness you could write off as it her being a kid. so of course shes expected to be a kid and not always think through with her actions.

a more comedic moment i liked was at the end of Mor where Kit and Mary both have to stand there awkwardly making their false apologies to the whole school. this page especially cracks me up just cause of the sheer height diff between the two. i think that makes it extra hilarious https://tapas.io/episode/1215017

mathtans

It's true. And I'm still wrapping my head around the kid thing.

RebelVampire

QUESTION 2. One of the comic’s focuses and highlights are the action sequences found within. Of the characters Kit has pursued so far in her bounties, which has been your favorite? Why is that? Likewise, which bounty did you think had the best fight choreography? What do you specifically think makes the choreography the best one? Do you think we’ll see any of the criminal characters again? If so, what could that mean for Kit? Considering many of the villains parody stereotypes and similar things, what other sorts of characters do you think or hope we might see? Lastly, do you believe Kit will encounter more of her professional rivals? If so, what do you think will happen?

its okay i had my struggles wrapping my head around but the convention scene really cemented it for me for some reason. but that might just be personal association of conventions being largely for the youth.

mathtans

Incidentally, I wondered initially about the use of "der"... and then when Kitty used the term "Hoser" I thought she was Canadian. That proved incorrect, what with the Norwegian thing.

Ahh... yeah, I went to a certain convention for 20 years straight soooo...

Like, I want to ship, but it feels wrong. Normally if they're young I just think of it as cute, or picture them as older, and neither of those things kinda work here.

I wonder how big Kitty's gonna get when she's 20.

RebelVampire

i didnt start going to conventions till i was an adult but at the same time my experiences is that theyre largely dominated by the youth. not to say there arent older adults there. but the youth are the ones always around drawing attention to themselves being loud. but i digress, just wanted to give context for why it worked for me

mathtans

That's fair.

RebelVampire

tbh i just assumed she was full grown. cause i was actually only an inch or two shorter than my full height at 13 cause i sprouted up early

mathtans

As to the question of the moment, I admit I'm not huge on seeing action and choreography, tending to be bigger on characters anyway. Which is probably why that scientist one sticks out so much, since we got his whole backstory and everything.

I am gonna be in for such a shock when my little one grows up, aren't I.

That short gangster guy who stole the boat might return. It was implied.

RebelVampire

and i legit cant imagine kit taller cause she literally towers over everyone. although is she still shorter than her dad? cause if she is, shell probably be his height.

mathtans

I think she is. I'm equally bad at noticing that sort of thing.

RebelVampire

id have to look again just cause it wasnt something i was looking for and her dad was only in so many scenes XD

im torn on my answer to this question of the moment. i think i agree i like the scientist the best cause he got a lot of backstory. not to mention when kit was doing their dialogue for them from the roof i was like "nah shes gotta be exaggerating" then we meet the scientist and nope, he really is just that arrogant and she was spot on. so overally he was definitely the most entertaining

but for fight choreography, im picking the first bounty with the spin off kool aid man. i really enjoyed the use of the environment and just the sheer level of destruction that was visited upon that grocery store

mathtans

She knows her business. I wonder how long she's been at it.

Oh yeah, almost forgot about that one. I liked when Kitty roped the random customer.

RebelVampire

i liked when after the fight ended, the old lady asked if the employee who was buried under rubble basically could get her a new box

MoeAlmighty

And that was most difficult one to come up with

mathtans

The one with the orcs going after cows was also good, not for the fight (which I think was offscreen) but world building. Until then it was sort of, like, what's reality here anyway.

Oh, hello creator.

MoeAlmighty

Hello there all ^^\

mathtans

Rebel: That was a good scene for setting the tone.

Superjustinbros

Hello Moe!

MoeAlmighty

Thank you. It's always a challenge to come up with a beginning for a series.

Superjustinbros

Thanks for this cool comic of yours.

MoeAlmighty

Howdey

Thanks

Superjustinbros

No probs

And yeah all this talk about conventions is reminding me of all the ones I've been going to lately. Comic focused ones and hugely commercial conventions are easily the most populated-by-youth ones.

mathtans

"Annie" con was a clever name.

MoeAlmighty

It was a little play on words. I always like to make those little puns when I can(edited)

RebelVampire

i did enjoy the orcs with the cows. probably just cause of the extreme accent going on in that dialogue. but i also just love this concept that someone would think clearly humans are only good cause they drink milk. like someone really watched those got milk commercials too much.

mathtans

I very much approve of puns. Also Senshi Kitty.

The head orc was milking his time in the spotlight.

Superjustinbros

Puns are always good

RebelVampire

i do agree with you math that i got the impression well see the gangster who got away from the scientist again at some point. what it means for kit? i could see her being extra determined to catch him since he got away last time. but then maybe thats when well see buff elf chick again who is out for revenge.

MoeAlmighty

Defintely. Orcs have always been my favorite fantasy race to play around with

mathtans

biab

RebelVampire

i do appreciate orcs getting some love in a way cause in my experience theyre really underutilized in a lot of fantasy settings. can find elves everywhere, but nobody wants the orcs.

MoeAlmighty

Well nothing is off the table.^^

Orcs have always been treated as the bad guy or the henchman merely due to their monsterous appearence.

RebelVampire

speaking of not elves, i really like that this guy turned out to be the real villain from bully bully https://tapas.io/episode/1348464. partly cause it was a good twist that it was a bully victim becoming the bully. since that is very true to life. but also, selfishly, i noticed this character immediately in the background one time and i was like "ah man what an interesting looking side chara too bad well never learn about him" and then we learned about him.

QUESTION 3. Even in Kit’s dynamic world, she still has some unique mysteries surrounding her. Why do you think Kit is the only female in her family to receive Freyja’s blessing/curse, especially after it’s been so long it’s almost a myth? What do you think the story is behind Kit’s rage modes that seem to take over when she gets mad? What do you think happened to Kit’s mother, and why is Kit so sensitive about the subject of her mother in general? Additionally, why did Mary calling her mother a whore set her off in particular? Lastly, how do you think Kit got involved with being a Bounty Killer? Why do you think her family lets her pursue the career given how dangerous it all is?

MoeAlmighty

Oh yeah the Goblin. I thought it was a perfect opprotunity to not just introduce the Goblins , but I was also playing around with laying out clues in plain site for the reader to notice.

Superjustinbros

That's smart thinking/writing

MoeAlmighty

There are plans for future stories that are straight up mysteries Kit will have to sovle.

RebelVampire

that sounds exciting and like a good challenge for her character too.

in regards to the current question, i want to dissect the fact that kit's specific phrasing about her mother was that mary hadnt even cared who her mother was as a person. and to a degree, i kind of feel like it was projecting that set her off. that kit herself didnt know a whole lot about her mother. so it might not be so much that her mom was called a whore that did it, but that someone would make a bold claim about her mother when kit herself didnt even know her that well and has since lost the chance to get ot know her. but thats just me theorizing.

mathtans

Back, little one's asleep in the crib again. For now.

MoeAlmighty

Mm hm, It would show that Bounty Killers in the world aren't used for just nabbing a bad guy with a hefty sum on their head. Sometimes folks need someone to investigate with the police's involvement and not ask any questions

mathtans

Was Kitty maybe given up for adoption? (Is that what makes her worthy of the cat ears?)

The police were handy against the scientist too, for a little while.

Superjustinbros

That's a good way of expanding upon bounty hunters.

RebelVampire

i dont think given up for adoption fits cause mor said shes the step mom which implies kit's father is her biological dad. that and there is one pic where the dad is with the mom

mathtans

Oh, right. We did see her biological mom in that holiday special though, didn't we? And Kitty must remember enough to have taken up violin playing (on the roof). So... yeah I dunno.

RebelVampire

thats interesting to know that the bounties arent just for nabbing bad guys. although makes me wonder what kit is going to do when shes told to do something shady and just not ask questions

mathtans

Or was that not the biological mom, was that a younger Dar?

I can't see Kit not asking questions.

RebelVampire

that was her step-mom. her bio mom we only see briefly in a pic

https://tapas.io/episode/1279607

mathtans

I wasn't sure if it was her dad remembering another time in that scene though. Like, the previous stuff was a memory.

(I also don't get enough sleep these days.)

RebelVampire

i could see how youd get that interpretation but pretty sure it was the step-mom and the bio mom was just in the picture

MoeAlmighty

There are a lot of things I don't want to say because of spoilers and I'll be answering those kind of questions down the road. But to answer the question pretaining to Mary, they do indeed have some History as hinted.

mathtans

Mary is actually the younger cousin of the short boat-stealing gangster.

It's why her dad went into law.

MoeAlmighty

heh. that is a pretty interesting theory.

mathtans

(I need to have at least one insane theory and one ship per comic chat. I think it's in my contract.)

RebelVampire

puns are also in your contract math. although you already fulfilled that one.

mary's dad kind of spooks me. like hes a really domineering presence and idk if i want to believe hes good or bad.

MoeAlmighty

Truth is, when I created Mary, she was developed as just the rich girl who presented herself as Ms. Perfect while also having the spoiled brat persona as well

Superjustinbros

lol

mathtans

Oh right. Well, those come naturally. I wonder if her dad is part orc.

Superjustinbros

That's one of many ways to describe that

MoeAlmighty

Best way to describe him is that he's a Lawyer... a very wealthy lawyer.

Oh no, he's part Dutch lol

mathtans

Incidentally, I kind of like that Kit's got both cat ears and human ears, it tends to be how I draw my characters too (even if mine are just headbands). But it does make me wonder how the curse might have rewired her brain to deal with the extra input.

Oooh, a flying dutch man.

RebelVampire

all the dads just drink lots of milk

Superjustinbros

What about Doug.

RebelVampire

to be fair if kit's cat ears are more sensitive than her human ones the extra input probably doesnt matter cause one would hear it better than the other anyway. at worst i imagine things just sound even louder XD

mathtans

It's that special beer.

Maybe it's partly why Kat's so on edge at times.

Superjustinbros

mm, beer

Wait, what kind of beer we talkin

MoeAlmighty

It's kind of a mix bag with it comes to her ears. Internally they do connect to her regular ears and she can hear through them, but only if she concentrates. Mostly they just act like a short range radar or a sixth sense. Something like spidey's spider sense.

Ah yes, I've notice some folks like our esteem adventurer. Others not so much

RebelVampire

QUESTION 4. Besides the action, there is still a lot of slice-of-life material to be had in the comic as well. Do you think Kit will eventually tell Bia about her career? How do you think Bia will react to finding out about it? What challenges do you foresee awaiting Bia and Kit as their relationship continues to develop and secrets reveal themselves? Further, how do you see Kit balancing her school life in general with her job? Will she manage to maintain her grades and everything, or will things prove tougher than she expects? In terms of Kit’s regular life, what things are you hoping to see be explored in how she lives her day-to-day life? Lastly, are there any themes (like bullying) that caught your eye from the slice-of-life segments? What about them did you enjoy?

mathtans

It's cool that youv'e thought about that.

Honestly, the bounty-hunters clashing, while not necessarily slice-of-life, felt realistic and added depth to the idea of the job. Also revealed how their methods are non-lethal. And was the first ship I considered.

MoeAlmighty

Ah yes, I had a lot of folks doing a double take when I revealed her age.

RebelVampire

unrelated to the current question, i really hope we get to see more bounty killers in the story just cause they cant all work out as well as buff elf chick. also id really like to get a feel for the age range cause its concerning the gov was like "nah a 13 year old bounty killer? thats fine"

mathtans

That's a good point. Did she register under an assumed name?

Superjustinbros

Seconding Rebel.

MoeAlmighty

Well due to Kit's size, she may or may not of lied about her age when she took the job

mathtans

Also, I feel like the construction job field gets a lot of work in this universe. We only see Kitty's exploits but there have to be other incidents in the world as well.

Actually, magicians too must be a thing. And mimes.

Did not expect the mimes.

MoeAlmighty

Their are plans to explore other parts of world. One in particular is the Bounty Pick Up units sent to pick up the bounties and make out the reports.

Yes, beware the mimes ^^

I will be exploring a lot more of the Magis and how the magic works as well.

mathtans

Silent but deadly.

MoeAlmighty

very

mathtans

That short magic comic did a good job, I thought.

And I liked the money van guy critiquing the pun.

MoeAlmighty

Hm Hm, well not everything can be a homerun for our little cat girl

RebelVampire

yeah i really liked the short magic comic. cause it was funny and really did some good world-building

i also loved the cowboy bank robber

just cause he was a cowboy

and that was ridiculous

mathtans

Oh yeah, forgot about him.

I wonder how Kitty practices her quick draws.

Where do they lock these guys up, anyway? Regular jails seem like they wouldn't be sufficient.

MoeAlmighty

Yes, you don't see that many cowboys these days. But it was a perfect nod for one of the inspirations of the comic

Superjustinbros

Cowboys are fun.

MoeAlmighty

Um, they go to regular prison and go through the same process as the law provides^^

Superjustinbros

Always love one with an appealing design when one shows up.

MoeAlmighty

Very much so

RebelVampire

what sort of lawyer is mary's dad?

mathtans

How do you lock up an orc so that he doesn't just bend the bars?

MoeAlmighty

He's a defense lawyer

mathtans

He lawyers der fence.

RebelVampire

ah so i can say maybe mary's dad defends all these criminals kit tries to send to jail.

MoeAlmighty

Booooo

It's a possibility and her dad is very much against the Bounty Killer and the Bounty Board in general

Superjustinbros

ooh, is that so(edited)

mathtans

Circling back to Bia, it'd be amusing if someone in her family was also a bounty hunter. Kitty admits it and she's like, "oh, okay, I can see how you'd be good at that too".

RebelVampire

just to talk a bit about the current question, i do feel its inevitable kit has to tell bia about her job. cause i mean...kit isnt the most undestructive. just takes one time of showing up burnt to a crisp to school to give it away. but i think bia is gonna take it better than kit thinks shell take it. cause tbf, if i was bia i would not be surprised.

tbf i kind of agree with mary's dad. they might be catching criminals, but holy shit that property damage

mathtans

I feel like Bia might find out not through Kit though. Like maybe even via Kit's brother. Which could strain the relationship.(edited)

RebelVampire

especially the property damage caused by the scientist

cause even if they have the money to fix it, it still takes time

mathtans

Or magic.

MoeAlmighty

Bia finding out Kit is a Bounty Killer is inevitable, and it might happen happen sooner than you think

RebelVampire

it could strain their relationship too. though for some reason i feel for bia itd be more about the age thing than the danger thing if that makes sense. cause the career suits kit. just maybe not when kit is still 13, in school, and all that

mathtans

'Cept her dad is okay with it.

I feel like I'd totally be that dad by the way. Who makes concessions. Then ends up in trouble with mom too.

MoeAlmighty

It is going to a very unique exploring the relationship Kit and Bia have. In many ways, Bia will act more like the straight man of the relationship

Well Edward looks at it more like she's hunting game. expect the part of gutting it and cleaning it for food^^

RebelVampire

i just want to say i really love kit's dad and i hope we get to see him more. he seems just so utterly likeable. like a gentle giant

mathtans

Just want to give a shout-out to the school nun badass. Possibly like the opposite to dad.

MoeAlmighty

He is indeed^^

Superjustinbros

Since the CTP is wrapping up in a bit, I'd like to wish @MoeAlmighty the best of luck with Kitty Kitty Bang Bang, it's got a great artstyle, story, and some good humor.

mathtans

Oh right, pretty good stuff done with only black and white too.

MoeAlmighty

Yes, Beatrice is indeed a beast^^

Thank you so much^^

Superjustinbros

You're welcome! ^^

RebelVampire

yeah i loved the nun. especially her epic entrance and this page https://tapas.io/episode/1188530

like everything about that page is perfect

"Keeper of the Lunch Period"

MoeAlmighty

God help the guilty

mathtans

Indeed.

Probably a bumper sticker on her car.

MoeAlmighty

I'm sure everyone here remembers that one teacher that kept everyone in check at lunch period

best bumper sticker ever

mathtans

Kitty has some nice exclamations too.

Superjustinbros

lol

Anyways, cya till next time, and thanks for dropping by @MoeAlmighty

^^

RebelVampire

COMIC TEA PARTY- THURSDAY BOOK CLUB END!

Sadly, this wraps up this week’s Thursday Book Club chat for now. Thank you so much to everyone for reading and joining us! We want to give a special thank you to Moe, as well, for making Kitty Kitty Bang Bang. If you liked the comic, make sure to support Moe’s efforts however you’re able to~!

Read and Comment: https://tapas.io/series/kkbbcomic

Moe’s Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/MoeAlmighty

Moe’s Twitter: https://twitter.com/theMoeAlmighty

[sushiseventeen]

❄ Wintercearig ❄

Wintercearig: Literally “winter sorrow”, “winter sadness”; a feeling of a deep sadness, usually comparable to the cold, still, dark heart of full winter. (Sometimes described as the product of the cold, dark heart of winter, instead of a sorrow similar to the feeling.)

a/n: hey! its been a while! this is kinda confusing and im not sure how easy its gonna be to understand but i thought id post it anyway. also wow this took me such a long time to write and its not even that long, oh well. hope you enjoy

↣ word count: 888

↣ includes: sad stuff, hints at depression and just ouch

Sitting up in your bed, you slowly wound the cream coloured blinds halfway up. The usually golden morning sunlight was clouded white in a thick, blanket-like fog that lay over the pale green outside. A chill ran down your spine as warm sheets slid down the curves of your torso and the crisp winter air bit at your skin. Delicate specks of white glided slowly through the orange morning sky and you watched as they made their way to the ground.

Wen Junhui didn't live a bad life, he knew this, but his mind was always trying to tell him otherwise. When most people could look ten years into the future and see where they wanted to be, Junhui couldn't see even three. He didn't go out much, but neither did you, you normally stayed home with him, to keep him company, keep him away from his thoughts. Of course normal things like work got you out, but you stayed with Junhui as much as you could. You loved him after all, and he loved you too.

You missed being able to lay next to him underneath thin sheets, lightly tracing cold fingers over his jawline as he breathed shallowly, dark eyes closed in a deep slumber. You felt a pang in your chest, much like what you used to feel when you lay with him, thinking about how such a beautiful man could have such dark thoughts. You closed your eyes and your mind instantaneously drew images of soft hair and smooth skin. You could see his dark brown eyes looking in to yours as your fingers intertwined as you sat in front of the fireplace and hid away from the snowfall outside. The ache in your chest grew stronger as the longing to be held in his embrace once more grew more profound.

Slowly rising from your bed, you let the sheets fall off your body, landing wherever gravity placed them. It was more than cold but you couldn’t be bothered putting any clothes on, bearing the temperature was easy enough.

Walking through the hallway, you looked out the windows and watched the snow keep falling. Not long after, you found yourself at the back door of the small house you and Junhui used to share. The glass was cold against your hands as you pressed them against the door and slowly leaned your head forward. The hairs all over your body were risen and alert to the cool temperature, but you ignored your body’s attempts at trying to get you to warm up. As you lay your forehead on the glass, you could see a thin layer of snow was starting to form over the short spindles of grass through the gradually clearing snow.

As you stood and looked at the snow through the door, your mind started to wander. You thought Junhui was doing okay. You thought he was feeling better. You thought he would be able to make it through the year.

You thought wrong.

The living room seemed much too foreign now. Your gut twisted as you looked at the blankets splayed on the ground. You didn’t want to look at them any longer but you couldn’t look away. Many nights had been spent splayed out on those blankets, nothing but the crackle of the fireplace to be heard as you and Junhui laid in each other’s arms. Those blankets had heard many of your conversations, good and bad. They’d heard about your days at work, they’d heard about the new show Junhui had started watching. They’d heard laughs, cries, giggles, sobs, groans, moans. They’d heard everything that was you and Junhui. Until one day they heard no more.

You say goodbye all the time but you never know which is the last. What Junhui had could not be classified as terminal, but ended up being that anyway. Junhui’s mind betrayed him. His thoughts became dark and his heart turned cold. Junhui became closed off and avoided talking to anybody as much as possible.

You were the only exception.

He didn’t keep in touch with his friends or family, only you. You were the only person he saw, the only person he shared anything with. He truly loved you and you loved him too, but even that wasn’t enough. He was his own demise. The constant grip he felt on his heart, the tightening of his chest at the most random of times, all lead to Junhui’s demise.

And even through all this Junhui still managed to love you. He never wanted to leave you, but he did not want you to have to live your life with such a broken person. He knew you’d be hurt, but he felt in the long run, what he did would hurt you less.

You sat on the blankets and looked out your glass door. A stray tear ran down your cheek as you tucked your knees to your chest and placed your chin on your kneecaps. As you slowly closed your eyes you felt another tear drip on to your leg.

You missed Junhui, but you hoped he was feeling better. You wiped the tears from your cheeks as you lay down on the ground. Curling in on yourself, you closed your eyes and let yourself sleep in the cold, not unalike to Junhui.

[btstrashxoxox]

Fake Love pt.1

Jimin AU, 1.3K

Living in a strict environment wasn’t easy. Your parents keeping track of where you are, who you’re with constantly. Though they really didn’t have anything to worry about. You weren’t exactly one of the party types. With glasses too loose and always sliding down your face. “Why don’t you go adjust them?” often being asked. But how do you explain that you spent all the money you have on buying albums from the loves of your life and just didn’t have the money to spend on your glasses? Besides, who needs perfect glasses when you can have your group of Big Bang hotties singing their sweet, sinful melodies right into your ears, right?

Your outfits weren’t the most daring ones either; mostly consisting of a button down shirt and any pair of jeans you found in your closet that morning. Your days didn’t consist of much. Wake up early, complain about the too bright sun and the too loud, chirping birds for a few minutes while dragging yourself to the bathroom, get ready for school, spend hours going through your classes, spend time with your best friend Sun, and then finally make your way back home. Even after graduating there wasn’t much that you did. It’s just now you spent hours looking for a job. No, you weren’t the party type; you couldn’t be, with your parents on your back.

So the second you caught a job with just enough salary to provide you with your own little home with everything you need, you made a bolt for the door and escaped your parent’s house. At first it was hard. Having the constant support of your family to just disappear wasn’t something you were used to. But it didn’t matter. It’s not like you didn’t visit them every other weekend.

Having your own little apartment was great! You could leave your stuff around without having anyone mess around with it. None of your sisters there to grab one of your possessions with no promises of getting it back. Not to mention the fact that Sun who continued living with her less strict parents, was now able to come over whenever and stay for however long you wanted. Gossiping about little things, giggling through the night, and swooning over GDragon or Seungri etc. Life was great! Your gay boss was probably the coolest boss in the world. Understanding, caring, always ready to listen to your concerns, and so organized you honestly didn’t understand why he needed you as a secretary. But hey, just makes your job easier! Oh yes, life was great. And then you met him.

He was Sun’s childhood friend. Park Jimin. They were the literal corny stereotypes of childhood best friends. He was bullied and in came Sun playing his saviour. Six years old and already the bestest of friends. They grew up together, until the day Jimin’s dad got transferred back to Korea and his family had to move. The separation was heartbreaking. Friends being separated by thousands of miles after being together for years. But it was okay because they promised to keep in contact.

“We’ll skype every night! Right before we go to sleep!” and that, they did. You’ve heard tons about Jimin from Sun, though you never met him. You weren’t sure why, but you always had this image of a chubby and short kid for him. Boy, were you wrong.

It was a peaceful Sunday morning. Light shone in through the windows. Blankets sprawled on the ground where you slept. You sighed happily, looking to your left. 12 pm, perfect. Sitting up, you stretch your arms out in front of you letting out a groan of pleasure and getting rid of the knots in your back from sleeping on the floor.

“Sunnnnnnn, wake uppppp!” you reached for the girl, starting to shake her awake. “Get upp, we have a lunch reservation at 2 and we need to get to your house before then.”

She rolled over groaning, “Ughhh I hate mornings.“ You laughed and lay back down next to her.

“Trust me, I feel you.”

She sat up slowly, letting the blankets fall to her lap and rubbing her eyes awake.

“Remind me why we decided to sleep on the floor again?” She continued to groan.

You shrugged from your spot on the floor. “Something about the fun in sleeping on the ground like in camp.” You replied. “It was your idea and now my back’s ruined.”

She laughed, jumping up, gathering energy from who knows where. “That’s you and me both! OKAY, let’s go! You grab your shower and start getting dressed while I fix my shit to go back to my place, and then from there we’ll go to the resto. Come on, come on, hurry!”

You couldn’t help, but chuckle. Leave it to Sun to go from half dead to an over excited child.

You got up again giving her the thumbs up and slowly making your way to your room to take your shower; grabbing your glasses on the way.

Finally dressed and ready to leave, you both walk out your door, locking it behind you.

“Don’t take too long okay, or else we’ll end up late for the reservation.” You turned to her giving her a stern look.

“Yeah, yeah don’t worry. I won’t make us late again.”

You grinned and grabbed her arm. “Okay lass go!”

You started to make your way to Sun’s house talking about little things from here to there. The sun was shining bright and the birds were singing their songs. Little kids were running around in the fields, chasing after butterflies or their puppies. Couples walked around, hand in hand, for their lunch dates. It was a beautiful day.

Arriving at her house, Sun rang the doorbell. “Mooooommm open the dooooorrrr!” She rang it a few more times.

“Hm, you sure your parents are home?”

“They said they’d be! I didn’t even take a key with me! Mooomm, Daaad?! Hello?!”

Finally you heard footsteps coming from behind the door and then a pause. You looked at Sun confusedly, which she returned. Then the door swung open.

“SUNNY!” You heard a male voice; high pitched, but low at the same time. You whipped your head around and stared at the beauty you’ve never seen before. Orange locks sat on his head, with brown eyes twinkling like literal stars. His smile, gosh his smile. His smile went from one cheek to the other, reaching his eyes. He was on the shorter side, but still about two inches taller than you. He was gorgeous and you couldn’t help, but stare at the stranger.

“Oh my god… JIMIN!” Sun rushed towards him and pulled him into an embrace, laughing. “Oh my god, I can’t believe this, how long has it been?! Oh my god I missed you so much!”

“Too long sunny bunny, too long!”

As the two hugged, you couldn’t help, but stand there awkwardly; realizing that this is the Jimin Sun has always talked about. Nope, definitely not a short and chubby kid. Not knowing what to do, you debated either slowly walking back home, leaving the two to reunite properly, or announcing your presence. Luckily the decision was made for you.

Sun’s mother walked to the door grinning widely. “Now, now Sun, don’t forget about little (Y/N) standing there.” She took your hand in hers and smiled warmly.

“Good afternoon Mrs. Lee. How are you!” you smiled back a genuine smile. Sun’s mother had to be the sweetest woman you knew other than your own mother.

“Oh my gosh, oh my gosh. Jimin, this is (Y/N) and (Y/N) this is Jimin! You know the one I told you about!”

You looked up and made eye contact with those beautiful brown orbs and froze

“(Y/N)! Nice to meet you!” He smiled brightly, grabbing your hand for a shake.

Damn his hands were soft.

AN: Heyy!! So this is my first time writing a story! Like absolute first time and im srry if its absolute shit XD but I wanted to try writing so here I am posting this! I know this isn’t much and not much of the plot line was introduced, but this was more of an intro to the characters and ill start actually getting into the story in the next parts! Also my title sucks cuz i suck at coming up with titles :(( soo if anyone has any suggestions IM ALL EARS! As you can see im complete bts trash and jimin is my bias atm, but wen were talking about bts it changes all the time DX these boys kill me. Anywayss soo I hope you enjoy, once again im rlly sorry if its absolute crap lmaoo but like I said completely new at this so im hoping to improve as time passes! Im rlly excited to start writing and im excited for this AU which was inspired by a short dream I had hehe. Plz don’t hesitate to comment and giv me feedback! Id appreciate it a lot! THANK YOU <3

[gooeyguy]

email to my teacher (warning alot of personal stuff)

Hey so, sorry to email you out of nowhere like this? But i feel like maybe im finally at a point where i can explain more thoroughly why im having trouble with school or just succeeding in general. I think its really important that i tell you some of this junk because theres a chance it might make the rest of the year easier for you and me.

I wanted to start off with apologizing for all the trouble ive caused you throughout the year with the annoying comments, disruptions and backtalk.  And most of all the terrible ability i have with doing and turning in work.

This email is mostly to explain my situation and reasoning for acting/struggling the way i have been (not to annoy you or be sarcastic).

Alright so, if you havent noticed i struggle with some things and one of them i never really bring up is ptsd. I have been diagnosed and im hoping to enlighten you on my specific issues with it, (everything i mention will apply to me as to make it less confusing from here on)

 I have a specific type of ptsd called Complex post-traumatic stress disorder (C-PTSD; also known as complex trauma) This type of ptsd is different in that it results from repetitive, prolonged trauma. My causes for being diagnosed are specifically natural-detachment from my mother and physical/sexual abuse growing up and some other things im not going to mention.

My side effects from this are,

Attachment – "problems with relationship boundaries, lack of trust, social isolation, difficulty perceiving and responding to other's emotional states, and lack of empathy"

This is strongly linked to my reactive attachment disorder and explains alot to why i am the way i am. Heres a link to a website http://www.webmd.com/mental-health/mental-health-reactive-attachment-disorder#1 that explains a bit of what it is so that i do not have to make this already long email that much longer, i would also really appreciate it if you read even just a little.

I have an extreme lack of trust in others and am constantly doubting myself, there is not a second of the day where i dont think im a horrible person, i could be doing better, im disgusting to look at ect. The social isolation is a big problem for me, because im “this way” i feel that bothering others with my presence/problems/medical difficulties ect. is not necessary and for the better. Hence why i refrain from asking when i really need help, im scared to bother you. I dont want to make you angry and i know you and mrs mumford are already so stressed by the time my bell starts.

Biology – "sensory-motor developmental dysfunction, sensory-integration difficulties, somatization, and increased medical problems"

This ties into my Fibromyalgia and eds which ill explain more about after i go through ptsd. Its all kind of one big mixed bag of disorders that tie together and make me the way i am.

Affect or emotional regulation – "poor affect regulation, difficulty identifying and expressing emotions and internal states, and difficulties communicating needs, wants, and wishes"

Like i talked about before i feel extremely useless and annoying when asking for help or even talking about the things i enjoy. And when trying to explain my difficulties i stop midsentence or forget words/forget what my problem is and it becomes frustrating.

Dissociation – "amnesia, depersonalization, discrete states of consciousness with discrete memories, affect, and functioning, and impaired memory for state-based events"

THIS is what i blame for never being able to remember anything. With fibromyalgia i have whats called “brain fog” and with the constant dream like state im in because of dissociation it makes my memory absolutely terrible. Remembering your names in class took me until almost 3rd quarter and it was utterly embarrassing(i still forget sometimes), its even more embarrassing when i forget basic buttons on the calculator and have to ask in front of everyone looking like an idiot.Or when i try to shout out an answer in class and it comes out gibberish because my mind is everywhere all at once, Or when we have a test on the formula we learned a week ago, and of course my mind draws a blank. I cant remember, and it makes me so frustrated with myself that i want to break down right there in class. It renders me doing weird things too, like the other day i put the icecream in the bread drawer, and on sunday i woke up and got ready for school. Theres alot of other things i could say but its as if fibro is laughing in my face.

 Dissociation in my own words is feeling like nothing is real, things dont feel like they happened. What does feel real is the pain/feeling in my body, i am a very anxious and jumpy person so im very sensitive to loud sounds/touch/weather and certain (triggering)  talk among students. And yet i still feel in a daze,My vision will sometimes blur and i am very prone to falling/accidents, staying focused can be extremely frustrating because my brain feels like a cloud, its almost uncontrollable like a dream. I dont think anyone can control those very much so i think its a good example.

Behavioural control – "problems with impulse control, aggression, pathological self-soothing, and sleep problems"

Im pretty okay with impulses, i of course have alot of very impulsive thoughts but i am good at controlling them id say, same with aggression but i very much so struggle with sleep problems because of nightmares from ptsd and chronic pain from fibro, i have not been diagnosed with insomnia but im sure i fit the criteria im just really bad at opening up with doctors/people ect.

These are just a couple more symptoms to help explain,

Cognition – "difficulty regulating attention, problems with a variety of "executive functions" such as planning, judgement, initiation, use of materials, and self-monitoring, difficulty processing new information, difficulty focusing and completing tasks, poor object constancy, problems with "cause-effect" thinking, and language developmental problems such as a gap between receptive and expressive communication abilities."

Self-concept – "fragmented and disconnected autobiographical narrative, disturbed body image, low self-esteem, excessive shame, and negative internal working models of self".

Alterations in relations with others, including isolation and withdrawal, persistent distrust, a repeated search for a rescuer, disruption in intimate relationships and repeated failures of self-protection.

Loss of, or changes in, one's system of meanings, which may include a loss of sustaining faith or a sense of hopelessness and despair.

Variations in consciousness, including forgetting traumatic events (i.e., psychogenic amnesia), reliving experiences (either in the form of intrusive PTSD symptoms or in ruminative preoccupation), or having episodes of dissociation.

Changes in self-perception, such as a chronic and pervasive sense of helplessness, paralysis of initiative, shame, guilt, self-blame, a sense of defilement or stigma, and a sense of being completely different from other human beings

Now that im done explaining the ptsd, Fibromyalgia

Fibromyalgia is a chronic pain disorder that my doctor believes to be linked to my other disorders, Fibromyalgia has to do with the senses we as humans all have, feeling, hearing, taste, and sight. The difference between someone with fibro and an average healthy person is lets say theres a knob for how strong each of these senses are, so imagine someone taking all those knobs and turning them all the way up to max sensitivity. Youd think oh cool youre like a super hero (like my sister likes to say) but no its the exact opposite, it does not benefit me whatsoever. Feeling, paired with ehlers danlos syndrome both my joints and my muscles are constantly in pain and some days ill have what you call a “flare up” which is where getting out of bed usually isnt an option for my body, i cannot remember the last time i didnt feel at least a dull ache in my head, i get migraines at least once everyday and unfortunately i get nauseous so i dont eat very much . Almost everything is irritating to my skin, a simple light rub of my finger on the top of my forearm is irritating and raw feeling (like ive been sitting there rubbing the same spot for hours) /Writing is over all painful, including typing as well/

If youve ever woken up in the morning with sore muscles from pushing yourself too hard the day before,that is how the muscles in my body feel, if you press on them they ache, and sting/burn when i use them. painful touch for most of my body paired with constant anxiety of getting bumped into/touched is stressful and tiring. On a good day my pain scale is a 5 from 1-10 but thats if im really lucky.

Then theres the weather, if im too hot and i start to sweat, the sweat stings my skin and i end up going into a frenzy of scratching and agony.  If its too cold my joints will start to lock up and become painful, its like they freeze and when i move them it feels like im shattering ice in my hand mixed with dull muscle ache. If its a good temperature theres still the feeling and i swear, the sound i can hear of my joints grinding together like two pieces of rubber being rubbed against eachother slowly.

Hearing is also bad, loud sounds are very irritating to my ears and will cause my migraine to get worse.(Talking too loud)Other irritating sounds, paper rubbing against paper roughly making that blblblb sound, high pitched noises of any loudness, squeaks, repetitive beeps ect.

Sight wise turning on lights abruptly is painful and makes my migraine worse, any bright light in general.

Taste doesnt really matter so i wont mention, but because these knobs are turned full blast it means the nerves and pain receptors in my body are being over worked constantly by my brain

And my brain thinks its doing its job by constantly acting like ive been running triathalons.

The recollection of pain comes in avalanches of distress for me. I usually experience the intense turmoil of fibromyalgia in the winter, or whenever cold fronts shatter the air and its frail victims. My limbs cannot contain the strength possible to function during those cold spells. Fibromyalgia’s lengthy sentence comes and goes for some, but, as a teenager, it’s disheartening. For the rest of my life, I will never be able to remember living without every waking moment marked by pain.

The abnormality of fibro weighs on my shoulders when I’m asleep, awake, or anywhere inbetween. I wake up at 4:30 each morning in order to be shuffling around by 6:20 a.m. The heaviness of my body pulls me down and pains me as I take a shower, put on my clothes, and put my small backpack on my shoulder to head out to school. Any sense of touch creates extreme levels of pain for me. Touching my arm, poking my leg, and brushing against my back hurt as much as twisting my ankle. My distraught reaction is a lot like a dog crying in pain and distrust after you accidentally step on its paw. Because im always in pain im always right next to the emotional breaking point, im always on the verge of tears. The smallest things can make me break down.

The pain prohibits me from being a teenager. Thanks to fibro, I cannot dress up in my favorite clothes and be what you call “Extra” everyday as i so much wish to be during the winter. My hands are crooked and shake too much usually to apply makeup. I struggle with applying eyeliner, because my hands hurt too much wrapped around a brush. The uncomfortable school chairs make me weep when I return home, because they destroy my concentration, forcing me to focus on the overwhelming pain I feel. I used to excel in school, but now, I can barely think fast enough, and come off as ditzy. I feel like I’m constantly struggling to maintain the fragments of my intelligence I lost due to fibro medication and fibromyalgia itself.

My GPA, became my ball and chain in school, rather than an accomplishment worth sharing. During the year, my schedule is dictated by the weather. Cold weather causes agonizing, excruciating pain that races down my spine and branches through my limbs. If a cold front passes, rain falls, snow falls, or temperatures drop, I freeze like the Tin Man, except there isn’t any oil to move my joints. The way I get sleep should be considered a torture method. Many people feel refreshed or renewed when they wake up after 8 hours, but I feel completely restless and exhausted. And thats if the nightmares from the PTSD dont interrupt. I toss and turn for hours in pain, because the pain signals interrupt the sleep cycle. I cry intensely whenever I think of sleep; school usually means a lack of sleep, but I am further deprived without choice. My biological system cannot allow me to rest, and continues to tense my muscles in a constant state of flight or fight.

With most schools starting at 8 a.m., my body struggles to run on 8 hours of sleep (which really feels like two). The exhaustion prevents me from hanging out with some of my closest friends. In the early stages of having fibromyalgia, I used to be able to do school clubs, hang out with my best friend, and go to cons with my friends often. Now, I spend my time huddled down, trying to make up for the nights of lost sleep. The lack of sleep and the endless pain contribute to extreme depression. And to keep my mood relatively happy i act like a goose in school with friends which doesnt do me good with teachers, I do it to not break down and let myself get too low around others because i know id regret embarrassing myself like that more than anything. The pain yearns for my thoughts to leap toward suicidal thoughts, and I was obsessed with death for years and still am. There was a time when I searched for ways to end my life, because nobody could help me and I couldn’t face living the rest of my life knowing that I’ll always be in pain. I still have these thoughts, and I believe I always will as long as I emit pain. Hence why i was in the hospital for a week recently, the hopelessness and embarrassment is dragging me down. The whole idea of having fibromyalgia embarrasses me. I’m embarrassed that I am constantly being called crippled, disabled, or chronically ill.Or worse not being noticed at all while struggling. I’m embarrassed that fibromyalgia makes me feel like I’m 67 instead of 16. I’m embarrassed that I will never be able to be an artsy beat poet like Patti Smith, or a rock ‘n’ roll guitarist like Keith Richards.

So i think thats as much as i can cover for you right now with my two of my biggest problems , im extremely exhausted and im not joking when i say my fingers feel like they are gonna fall off haha.  

Im terribly sorry for how long this email is but i think i got most everything with these two topics in there, also dont feel obliged to reply to this, im already embarrassed i even wrote all this down (terribly).

Quick thing i would like to say before i end the email, with all respect i am not looking for sympathy in any way. I am simply stating the way i am  in hopes that if you understand itll make things less stressful for me and you. So dont feel like you have to do anything for me.  

Thankyou for reading if you got this far, really. (btw forwarding this to Mrs. m******d is totally okay with me)