#i hope this clarifies things a bit though there's still a lot of questions out there in general

[thefirstknife]

so like im lost, i didnt play any of Act 1 or 2 or read lore bc life happening (house fire+car crash+laid off+homeless in 2 weeks)

so like whats going on eith the whole

Maya → Lakshmi → Conductor → Maya again??

(or is it Lakshmi→Maya→Conductor???)

like where's one "start" and the other "end"

Oh I'm sorry this all happened to you. I see you have a donation link on your pinned post, if people are able to help, check it out!

Also! Lakshmi is not relevant here; it's just the face that Conductor!Maya is comfortable using. Lakshmi was a sort of copy of Maya that Maya made using the Veil, but her life is separate and she's gone. There's also the meta reason that it's easier to reuse Lakshmi's face than make a new model, though they did show us what Maya actually looked like back in the day (and Chioma too)!

It's still not entirely clear which Maya we're dealing with however, though this week's lore tab added a bit of possible context. In here, Maya is talking about her experience communing with the Veil and how close she got to the Vex Network from it and then she ends up completely crossing over into the Vex Network. I think this probably implies that when original human Maya died on Neomuna ("in the conductor's chair"), she crossed over into the Network.

She is very disoriented inside so we don't really know how it worked time-wise, because for Maya it was almost instant? She ends up in the Network, tries to understand things, shapes herself a body and is still excited to talk to Chioma about all of this, then realises that A LOT of time has passed and that Chioma is now dead. Then she goes wild with grief and decides to find her Chioma because she's convinced that Chioma would've kept looking for her.

There's also the question of all the simulated copies of Golden Age Maya with the other Ishtar scientists: 227 of them. Some of that is also talked about this week in the mission. From what I can understand, those Mayas are not part of the Conductor!Maya; as a matter of fact, that Maya on comms in the mission sounds a lot different to me.

I think the Conductor!Maya is a continuation of the real original Maya that died on Neomuna, though that could still change or remain kinda unresolved overall because a lot of the stuff this episode is about how much it doesn't really matter who is the "original." We'll see though. It's also possible that Conductor!Maya is a combination of the real Maya with an addition of some of her copies from the Network. We're probably going to get more stuff in the next two weeks about all of this, including the simulated copies.

Here's a post with some extra details about this week.

[slaytheusurper]

⭑ The Art of Combat ⭑ (Chapter Three, Domina Mea)

Masterlist

A/N: This is a bit of a crazy one, lots of screaming-

Pairing: Emperor Caracalla & Geta x Noble!Reader

Warnings: Alcohol, mentions of death, mentions of neglect, lowkey reader having daddy issues, Acacius has PTSD, confrontations, arguments, macrinus being a snake and touchy emperors.

Summary: The banquet of the Emperors could not have gone worse as they try to win you over.

Word count: 4.5k

It had been two days since your near death experience, but it felt like a blessing almost. Even though your father didn’t want you to progress in your ‘relationship’ with the Emperors, you did. And it felt good, their attention filled a hole you had left empty for so long. Lucilla tried her best to fill it, to bring you and your father closer. Perhaps out of motherly love, perhaps out of guilt. 

It was now you who was avoiding him, it felt useless to explain to him why you didn’t see the harm of socialising with the Emperors. But he saw it very differently, you knew that but that didn’t change how his behaviour seemed almost hypocritical to you. To you it seemed best to avoid him for now and let things cool off. 

You were on your way to Athena’s temple, in previous situations when you weren’t sure what to do, you would try and talk to her, hoping she would pour some of her wisdom into your mind. But alas, your questions and pleas would often be left unanswered. However, now that you were closer to her temple, you felt the need to try again, maybe- just maybe she would answer you in her place of worship. 

Arriving at her temple, an immediate feeling of relief and calm washed over you. Ordering the guards your father had insisted come with you, to stay outside, you entered the holy place. You found few people there, most of them were working women, upon passing them they glanced away. You continued your way to her statue and when you stood in front of it, you could taste her righteousness in the air you breathed. So you knelt, and prayed.

It hadn’t been long before you decided to head back to your fathers estate. You definitely felt more at ease and confident about your actions, even though the goddess did not speak to you. The guards were still in the exact same spot you left them. The day was warm and bright, causing your eyes to squint the whole way back. You were certainly grateful for the carriage that brought you back home.

Almost instantly upon setting foot back at the estate, you felt like something was wrong. Servant seemed anxious and rushed and guards were shifting on their feet. You knew your tranquil spirit was about to vanish into thin air. Lucilla paced around in the inner courtyard, pinching the bridge of her nose while doing so.

Upon hearing new footsteps, she looked up. You only gave her one questionable look while approaching her before she clarified why the whole of the estate was in distress. 

“We received an invitation today, yet again, from the Emperors.” She huffed, fiddling with her rings in the process. Your face lit up but dimmed just as soon as it lit when Lucilla seemed to grow even more frustrated. “Listen to me, this is not good.” Lucilla looked around before continuing, “If they are fully set on you there is no telling what they will do with you, I fear for your safety but who fears even more for your safety is your father.” 

You rolled your eyes at her words. “And where was this ‘fear’ when he left me alone, out of his grasp?” You fired back. Anger started to simmer beneath your skin, you liked Lucilla but felt that she was not in any place to tell you about your father. She has a different relationship with him than you. Lucilla sighed and rubbed her forehead, before taking a seat at one of the stone benches decorating the courtyard.

“It is the truth, as hard as it may be for you to hear. He is afraid of losing you, please, for your sake and his, at this banquet, do not act overly… ‘friendly’ with them.” Lucilla’s voice sounded low and worn. And you couldn’t help but wonder where your father was and what had occurred between them.You simply nodded before heading to your own quarters. 

It seemed an eternity had passed until you were pulled out of focus by a knock on the door. You left the scripture on your table and got to your feet. A familiar man’s eyes met yours, Edas lowered his head respectfully. “My lady, we are ready to depart.” Edas stated with a small smile. You felt like he was your true friend, when you were upset as a child he would levitate you in the air until you laughed and even now he was there when things got tense again.

“Thank you for fetching me, are you coming with us today?” You asked him, slipping by him while doing so. “I’m afraid not my lady, I was informed to stay here.” He said with thin lips. “Oh, alright. I will see you when we get back.” You answered kindly, before strolling through the estate towards the entrance. And like every time, a carriage waited for you. As soon as the door of the carriage closed behind you, you could feel your father's eyes on you.

“Did Lucilla tell you?” Acacius warned. He wore dark circles under his eyes and his nails were short from how he nipped at them. “Yes, she did.” You responded, even as you tried to hide the annoyance laced in your words, he seemed to tense up a bit. Neither of you said much more during the ride there, Lucilla staring mindlessly out the window. Even you felt a bit of dread rather than excitement upon seeing Palatine Hill come into view. 

It was not Macrinus greeting you this time, but about four Praetorian guards instead. You still did not know the reason for the banquet, but you were glad to soon be close to the mighty Emperors again. More noble ladies and lords appeared and even senators were in attendance today. But one certain presence or about six of them did not go unnoticed by you. 

You saw them as soon as you arrived at the entertainment hall, six concubines lingering around the Caesars. They sat, or more lounged, on a shared settee, similar to when you last visited. Both Geta and Caracalla sat up straighter when you came into their view. You approached them behind Acacius and Lucilla, lowering your gaze as one of the concubine's tits were almost fully exposed.

Your usual smile and bright eyes around the emperors were gone, feelings of jealousy and annoyance crawling up your spine instead. “Your majesties.” Acacius bowed, one hand around Lucilla and one balled upon his chest. “General.” Only Geta acknowledged him, Caracalla peering behind them instead, as something much more interesting was hiding there. Lucilla bowed to them before letting you pay your respects. 

“My Caesars.” You curtseyed, eyes avoiding them. A dark haired concubine’s hand made her way down Caracalla’s chest, giggling quietly in his ear. “My Lady, you look divine, as always. How good of you to grace us with your presence.” Geta mused, a grin on his lips as his eyes made their way down your frame. You couldn’t help the tiny smile escaping you at his jest. “Of course Caesar, I could never ignore your invitation.” Your tone remained flat and ever so respectful, they did not like that.

It was then Caracalla glared at your father, before his eyes flicked back to you. “Sit with us tonight, I command it.” Caracalla said in an unusual tone of voice. Your eyes met your fathers and he gave you a stern look. How could you ignore an Emperor’s command? This was not life or death, but more like your father’s wrath or death. “Of course, your majesty, I only wish to please you.” Caracalla still seemed a bit disappointed by your reaction. 

“General, I hope you amuse yourself tonight. I heard some of the senators wish to talk with you, you might go to them, with your wife.” Geta enunciated with irritation, his face gave away that there was no bargaining to be done. You were afraid they had caught up with the situation between you and their General. “I will your majesty. Let us seek out the senators my love.” Acacius dismissed himself, and Lucilla with him. 

You knew what you were in for tonight, yet you didn’t care anymore about how your father felt. He didn’t understand the amazing, freeing and extraordinary ‘relationship’, if you could call it that, you had with the Emperors. Geta and Caracalla did not let you stand for long, and gestured for the whores to leave, much to your relief. They made room for you between them and you sat in your favorite spot once more, and got handed a cup of wine.

Caracalla leaned towards you while biting his bottom lip, releasing it before speaking. “We have arranged something for you tonight, something we’ll think you’ll enjoy.” He almost giggled and gave himself away. “Brother. Do not ruin her surprise.” Geta stressed, before giving you a smile. A smile which you happily returned. They finally got the reaction they wanted and would do about anything to keep you happy tonight. Geta gave a curt nod towards a senator you knew to be Thraex.

“My Emperors! Ladies and Lords, tonight I present…the art of combat!” The second Thraex had spoken a thunderous applause could be heard. You glanced at both Geta and Caracalla with curiosity. As Macrinus entered the room, your curiosity grew. “From Macrinus’ stables, the already well liked gladiator...Hanno! And from my own stables...the mighty Vicheck!” Thraex roared. Once more, applause filled the room.

Your eyes scanned for your father and Lucilla but you could not see them in the crowd, at least not from where you were seated. Both fighters entered the room, Vicheck looked mighty indeed, with his large stature and tall frame. Caracalla leaned closer to you again, “After that man is done with him, we might see his end.” He almost reassured you, clearly their plan was to have Hanno killed in combat, to punish him. You smiled at Caracalla and he rubbed his hands together in excitement. You took a swig of the dark red liquid to ease your wariness.

Geta leaned forward, eager to see this ‘Hannos’ end, all because the man nearly killed you. Maybe you were in too deep now... The people made sure to give the men enough space as their chains were being removed and each was given a sword. You could only hope Hanno wouldn’t try anything again, but when he noticed you, it almost seemed as if he hid some guilt in his eyes. You averted your gaze to the other man, ‘Vicheck’ and kept your eyes on him instead.

Hanno tried to negotiate with his opponent but Vicheck had something completely different in mind, as he aggressively swung his sword, their bodies met, both fought for dominance. Due to both of their strength they pushed each other around, causing men and women to jump out of their way. Hanno moved Vicheck around until he could reach for a vase and crashed it on his head, making the mighty Vicheck almost crumble to the ground.

Except, Vicheck was not so easily defeated and cut Hanno across his back, before trying to push him to the ground. Both stumbled around once more, trying to gain dominance over the other. Vicheck then successfully managed to push Hanno on his back, which made Hanno drop his sword. He was met with the hard stone floor, he grunted out and rolled to avoid the pointy end of his opponent's sword. 

Vicheck was then sadly slow to realize Hanno’s moves, when Hanno found his own sword again and plunged it right into his chest. Almost a similar strategy he had used in the arena, cheers could be heard and hands clapped as Hanno rolled Vichecks lifeless body off of him. Geta had now gained a visible vein on his forehead and Caracalla’s face was red, their plan did not work. Right as Geta was about to unleash his anger, Macrinus stepped forward. While Hanno was chained again and led out of the room.

“How unfortunate for Thraex, it seems that I have gained a home.” He smiled, before bowing to the Emperors. “It is- unfortunate.” Geta seethed. “Would you have liked a different outcome? Your majesty?” Macrinus asked, pursing his lips. Geta now just ignored him and it almost became embarrassing if Macrinus didn’t turn his attention to you. “My lady, how good to see you in our presence again.” He beamed, sickeningly fake but almost convincing.

Caracalla’s mood turned around upon hearing that. “Isn’t it!” He giggled. Geta’s smile returned at his brother's words before settling his eyes upon you. “Quite.” Geta mused. “You do a fine job at pleasing our great Emperor’s my lady, never cease.” Macrinus expressed with a smile. Now that was an offence, however the Emperors thought differently. “We are both sure she won’t.” Geta agreed, his eyes never leaving you. To keep up appearances, you did not respond, simply giving them a curt nod.

Now what Geta said did not surprise you nor unsettle you, it was how Macrinus said it. There was some hidden meaning behind it, it was then you knew, he was in fact not the man he made himself out to be. You understood there was something going on, you were not sure what or who exactly were involved in it but there must be a plot or scheme, whatever it could be, it was not good. People were now helping themselves to food and conversation.

Only when Macrinus excused himself to check on Hanno, did you feel your shoulders relax. “Does he annoy you?” Caracalla asked, hand moving up and down your arm. Like he had mere days ago. And without a doubt, it gave the desired effect, making you forget all about Macrinus and his facade. “Who, Caesar?” You shuddered. “Macrinus.” He giggled, his brother moving closer now as well. “I would not lie, perhaps he does a bit.” You smiled. 

Geta laughed at that and placed his hand on your shoulder, before giving the tense flesh a squeeze, you jerked at the muted pain. “You are so tense tonight, is it because of your father?” Geta spoke softly in your ear. “Yes, Caesar, though he means well.” You responded softly in return. Caracalla’s hand still grazed the skin of your arm, keeping his eyes on you. You noticed how Geta’s tongue darted out ever so slightly to wet his lips. “Perhaps someone should-” he took a sharp breath before he finished his sentence, “have someone loosen up your shoulders.” 

“Perhaps, your majesty.” You blushed, not just your cheeks reddened but your entire body felt hot as the twins ‘caressed’ you. They did a good job at keeping it somewhat innocent but their intent was clear for all to see. It could be the wine but you wanted nothing more than to be alone with them right now, just to see how far they would take it. Would they have their way with you or keep it somewhat respectful?

You almost unwillingly leaned into their touch. Caracalla’s face coming closer to your neck, his restraint was close to breaking. You were right next to him, looking the way you looked and smelling the way you smelt. Geta too, was growing impatient and thought about commanding everyone to leave so they could finally take you. But he kept himself from doing so, his hand moving from your shoulder to your leg.

These new sensations you felt and these new boundaries being crossed did unnerve you a bit, but this feeling that drew you to them overpowered it and when you took another sip of your wine, you felt that you needed to relieve yourself. “I apologise, your majesties. But could I have a Praetorian show me to the lavatory? I had a bit too much wine, I promise I will be right back. I wouldn’t miss out on our...fun.” You smiled, empty cup in hand.

“Of course my lady, no need to apologise.” Geta said as he took hold of your hand and kissed it. “Guards! Show my Lady to the private lavatory. If she comes to harm, I will have your heads.” Geta sneered, to which two Praetorians stepped forward and bowed. You stood from your seat and Caracalla took your empty wine cup to hand to a servant. Before you made your way out of the room, you curtseyed, now with a smile. 

When you reached the private lavatory, a few halls away from the entertainment room, you went about your business before emerging again. However the guards were gone and you were met with your fathers furious gaze. “I thought we had agreed on something.” He spat out. “There is no reason for you to blame me for this- I had no choice! They commanded me, what was I supposed to do? Refuse them? I couldn’t!” You didn’t even realise you were shouting with how rapidly your fury rose. 

“You could! That is the point! They like you and you have that power! You know my- my concern about this, I am losing control over you!” Acacius just as loudly yelled back, he too was long his composure and patience. “Of course! Now you care! But why would you?! You go off to war for years leaving me alone after my mother just died and then you decide to remarry and not even take me with you! But of course now that I visit you and finally have fun and feel happy, now you care?!” Your screams echoed through the marble halls.

“I kept you there for your own safety as I have explained countless times! You won’t listen and now you meddle with the most dangerous men because I didn’t pay enough attention to you! A-” He got cut off for but a moment. “How!-” You screamed, but Acacius stopped you quickly. “No! You listen to me! You are the one thing! The one thing I have left of your mother! I will not lose you because of your recklessness!” 

That shut you up but your anger did not subside one bit. Acacius turned red when he realised how loud the two of you had been, his voice now lower, “When you have calmed down, you return and we will leave, you’ve had enough wine. You’re just a girl, start acting like one.” He did not leave room for any more argument and headed back to the banquet. 

Fury clouded your mind and you felt the wine mess with your common sense. Just as you were about to head back towards the entertainment hall, you spotted him. Macrinus. With alcohol flowing through your veins you made a decision, whether or not it was good, you would decide later. But you had to act now, if you wanted to find out who Macrinus really was. And so you quietly followed him as he was clearly not returning to the entertainment hall himself.

After every corner he turned you casually ‘hid’ behind it so as to not grow suspicion among the littered guards. Luckily they did not know who you were. You followed Macrinus until he disappeared behind a smaller door, you felt a moment of regret and dread but curiosity took over once more and you made your decision. When you opened the door, Macrinus seemed to have disappeared outside, the door was apparently a servant's entrance into and out of the palace. 

You hurriedly moved among the crowd, until you spotted his blue robes again and set after it. Making sure to somewhat blend in, you successfully followed Macrinus to his estate. It wasn’t something to be proud of, but you still felt pride swell in your chest. Using the same door he used, unguarded, you made your way inside his estate until he entered a different room, fortunately for you, with no closed doors. 

You stayed right outside and could hear another man arrive through a different entrance to what seemed to be a lounging room. “Macrinus, you’re already here!” The man exclaimed, he seemed to have his fill of wine already. “Yes, yes, I know all I need to know.” Macrinus laughed, it sent a shiver up your spine. “Oh? Well do tell me!” The man sputtered. “Now now, I can’t go around telling my secrets now can I?” Macrinus responded, you heard how their cups collided in familiarity.

“So I heard you spoke with Lucilla?” The man asked. “I did. And I do have to say, I need some clarification.” Macrinus replied. “What about?” The man grunted, seeming to now have sat down. You decided one little peek around the corner couldn’t hurt, but when you did, you quickly turned back, almost getting caught in the process. “She had a child?” Macrinus asked the man. 

“Hm. It's common knowledge. When Commodus was killed, the boy disappeared. But who would care?” The man laughed, sipping on wine, his slurps filling the room. “Lucilla would care!” Macrinus exclaimed. “He was of the royal bloodline after all. And his father?” Macrinus continued. “Ostensibly, Lucius Verus. See, it was an arranged marriage, she was fourteen. Females were not his taste.” The man explained. Your face contorted in disgust.

“Nor mine some days!” Macrinus laughed. “Nor yours!” The man joined. “What about General Acacius’ daughter, she seems well liked by the Emperors?” The man then asked Macrinus. “Yes quite, which is perfect. She can keep them nice and distracted.” Macrinus responded. That’s when you almost lost your composure, having to keep as quiet as possible. 

“That’s good, perhaps I will see you on the throne some day!” The man laughed. You heard enough, his plot was now clear. He fed into your ‘meetings’ with the Emperors to prepare some sort of bigger plan. But now, you had to get away. And so you turned on your heel, the wine still on your tongue. You also had to remember where you came from, which proved to be difficult when you were slightly inebriated and it was dark. 

You turned corners and explored hallways until you stumbled into the wrong one, three guards straightened up at the sight of you. “Who are you?” One of them asked with caution. You had only two choices, to lie or to run and you knew you could not run in sandals. “I apologise for the late hour, I am here to see Macrinus, it’s quite- personal. He knows who I am but he doesn’t know I’m here. Could you- bring me to him?” You asked as innocently as possible.

Now you didn’t know if it was your way of words or expensive robes but the guards complied and led you to the same room you were spying on Macrinus mere moments earlier. Was it stupid to have to come up in a short amount of time with a lie as to why you were here, all alone, in the darkness? Yes absolutely, but you had no choice, so you picked the first thing that came to mind. The Emperors.  

“My lord, this Lady is here to see you.” The shortest guard announced before leaving you alone with him. Macrinus turned around, the man had left already. “Well what a surprise! Come in child, come in.” Macrinus gestured for you to sit beside him, it made you uneasy but you pushed your feelings aside. You could tell he was confused and a bit suspicious but he clearly chose to keep quiet. “I know that it is late, and I apologise but- I feel like you are the only one who I can talk to about this.” You said as sweetly as possible.

That piqued his interest. “Oh? How so?” Macrinus asked. “Any time I- talk to my father about- well- the Emperors, he gets uncomfortable. And I just wanted to ask someone who knows them well. This might be silly but I feel like I can trust you.” His face lit up at your words. “I understand, what can I help you with, my Lady?” Macrinus’ brows furrowed. “I merely wish to know, would- would the Emperors or rather- one of them, perhaps marry one day?” Macrinus’ smile grew and he seemed to relax more.

“Of course my Lady, why do you ask?” Macrinus replied. “No specific reason, I should probably- not further speak about this, I’m so sorry for disturbing you.” You apologised kindly. “It’s quite alright, however- does anyone know you’re here?” Your face fell at his words, no they did not, not at all.

“She is taking quite long isn’t she?” Caracalla asked his brother. It had been some time now and you had not returned. “Let me inquire the guards.” Geta responded flatly. Caracalla slumped back into the settee, the music was boring to listen to without you by his side. But  the whole room quieted down as screaming echoed through the halls. “HOW IS THIS POSSIBLE?! YOU HAD ONE JOB! NOW SHE'S GONE?!” Geta’s screaming voice came closer, Acacius now stepping towards the other Emperor. 

“YOU ARE ALL DEAD!” Geta screamed as he returned to the entertainment hall, the guards following behind him. Caracalla shot up from his seat as Geta approached him. “They fucking lost her! They lost her and now she is missing!” Geta yelled, spitting out as he threw his cup of wine against the wall. “What do you mean your majesty?” Acacius asked, his voice just as pale as his face.

“Your daughter is missing! That is what he means!” Caracalla was now screaming too, panic clearly taking over. Acacius’ eyes widened and Lucilla joined his side. “How is this possible?” She tried to calmly ask. “I- I fought with her, just before she was to return here. I dismissed the guards so I could talk to her privately which resulted in the fight. I- I told her to calm down before coming back- but she did not return, I hadn’t realised.” Acacius’ voice almost trembled.

“HOW COULD YOU LEAVE HER?! HOW?!” Caracalla screamed, getting in the guards’ faces, everyone around them lowered their gaze. “I want a thousand Praetorians now! March them through Rome! Search every house! She cannot be far!” Geta shrieked. Acacius followed Geta as he marched out of the room, Caracalla following behind.

“Oh no- I didn’t even realise. I’m going to be in so much trouble.” Your realisation however was very much real and so was the panic that surged through you. “Do not worry, I will take you back and all will be well.” Macrinus exclaimed. “Come, let us not make them worry more.” He said as he rose from his seat. You followed behind him as he ordered a handful of guards to accompany the two of you.

The streets of Rome were now quiet as you and Macrinus made your way back to the palace, it was not far from his estate. But when you got closer, Praetorians on horses as well as on foot marched through the street, shouting orders at civilians who stood sleepily in their doorway. “I am going to guess that’s for you.” Macrinus mused. You dreaded what was to come. Macrinus and you approached the hoard of guards. “I am assuming you are looking for General Acacius’ daughter?” Macrinus asked.

“We found her!”

[leejeongz]

first kiss with bonedo please 🪄

🫧 your first kiss with boynextdoor 🫧

pairing: crush!bnd x gn!reader

genre: FLUFF !!!

warnings: reader is vvv shy in some of these, mentions of food (jaehyun, leehan), physical affection

a/n: THIS WAS SO FUN TO WRITE IM SO IN LOVE i hope you enjoy reading it just as much <3

𓆉 jaehyun

jaehyun tugged at the cross body strap of your bag, “where are you taking this? we’re only going around the block?”

you pulled a face at the boy’s question, “i might pick up some candy from the convenience store. is that alright with you?” you retorted like a grumpy teenager.

jaehyun chuckled and pulled out his wallet, waving it in your face before slipping it back into his pocket. “come on, let’s go before it starts raining again.”

“i’m still taking it though,” you gripped onto the strap, for no other reason than because you felt weird without a bag these days.

“you’re cute, you know that, right?” he smiles. as he looks at you, you feel yourself mellowing under his gaze. despite the fact that you’d liked him since the day you met, him calling you cute never usually had any effect on you, it was a part of his everyday vocabulary. but today, it felt different. you noted his eyes shift from your own to your lips. this wasn’t anything new either. but you never wanted to get ahead of yourself and think it was something that it’s not. you rubbed your fingers over them, they were a little chapped, that’s probably what he was looking at, right?

oh probably not.

jaehyun’s hand guided yours away from your face, replacing it with his own, colder hand on your cheek. before you could fully process what was happening, his lips met with yours. his smile into the kiss didn’t go unnoticed by you, humming in happiness, and, to be honest, a little bit of shock.

jaehyun pulled away in a concerned, almost grunt. “sorry, i should’ve asked, i’m sorry, was that stupid of me? i really thought you liked me back,” he rambled.

“i do!” you exclaimed in a way that shut him up. “i do,” you clarified in a softer tone.

“good,” he nodded, taking your hand and escorting you through the front door of your apartment block. “so when do i get another?”

your morning continued in a similar vein, eventually you did repay the favour of course, but not without a whole lot of puppy eyes.

𓆉 sungho

“this was a good idea,” sungho praised himself, a proud smile on his face as he looked back to the stars after placing his phone on the blanket. he leaned back, his hand slightly brushing yours as he sturdied himself. for the first time ever, you decided to leave your hand where it was. sungho had invited you here, stargazing, it was quite obviously a date, the least you could do was put your shyness aside. you couldn’t stop your hand from fidgeting though. he smiled to himself, bashfulness radiating from your whole being.

“hey, did you just take a picture of me?” you asked, furrowing your brows as you realised what exactly he was doing on his phone.

“so what if i did?” he asked, his head turning to face you, “there’s only 1 thing prettier than the sky right now.” his hand found yours more directly this time, playing with your fingers for a little while, just until you looked at him.

your eyes locked on his, neither of you were planning on looking away anytime soon. you felt almost possessed. you were never the type of person to do this. sungho leaned over and your face edged closer to his. with his weight now on just one of his hands, his other hand was at your cheek, his thumb gently caressing your lobe. he finally shut his eyes, his lips meeting with yours as though it was your reward for winning the imaginary staring competition. you forgot where you were for a moment, not that it mattered. nothing else mattered. just you and him.

he pulled away with a shy, almost silent giggle, and fell back to resting on both hands. you turned in your place and lay back, your head now in his lap.

“i think im gonna sleep here tonight,” you spoke, turning onto your side and taking in the city from the rooftop.

“hmm” sungho hummed as he shuffled in his place. he draped the spare blanket over your body and began to play with your hair. “you can do that, baby, that’s fine by me.”

𓆉 riwoo

seeking comfort, your hand immediately finds your earring, toying with it as you eye the boy watching the movie next to you. riwoo had invited you over to watch something, honestly, you can’t even remember the title, but you said yes anyway, just because it was him. the only trouble was, you couldn’t even concentrate on the movie, you were only looking at him. every so often, he’d glance back at you, looking a little disappointed that you weren’t as engrossed as he was, but secretly, he was so happy to catch you staring. if you weren’t looking at him, he was looking at you, so he was glad to know you felt the same way.

he picked up the remote from the small gap between you and hit pause. “y/n, are you even watching this?” he huffed.

“yes!” you lied. he looked at you and tried to hold his laughter. “sorry, it’s just not really my thing,” you added, your shoulders relaxing finally for the first time that afternoon, “but you can carry on watching, i don’t mind!”

he sighed, “why didn’t you say something? we could’ve watched something else!”

your eyes met and the mood changed immediately. the tv was long forgotten as his eyes drifted to your lips.

“totally random question,” he began, “but can i kiss you?” you tried to not look confused but clearly that wasn’t working. “sorry, i think i read the room completely wrong, forget i ever said that, so stupid,” he rambled, blinking a few times.

you reached for his hand, feeling guilty as you felt it shaking. “that’s not what i meant, i mean, i would like a kiss, yes, but i didn’t expect you to ask, that was all,” your response was just as clunky as his initial question. it was endearing in a way.

riwoo’s face was less than inches away from yours when he spoke again, “so, i can kiss you?” his hand was at your waist, causing you to shudder.

“please,” you encouraged, almost begged at this point.

your lips were so close you could feel him smile, before they met with yours. it was slow, in a good way, you thought, it seemed to last forever, but also not long enough. as he pulled away, you went back for another, it was hungry yet so incredibly innocent at the same time. years of pining lead up to this and so you felt you had to make the most of it. and when you finally pulled away, you took one last small peck at his lips, his hand squeezing at your waist cheekily.

“you’re acting like we haven’t got all the time in the world to kiss more,” he giggled, his head coming to rest against your shoulder.

“well, i didn’t want to waste any,” you admitted, “we have a lot of lost time to make up for!”

𓆉 taesan

“my gosh, when can we get out of here?” taesan asked you discreetly, stretching back on his chair and turning his head to you.

“they’re your friends, taesan,” you laughed, hitting his torso with the back of your hand, causing him to curl into himself.

“don’t forget why you were invited to the function, y/n,” he rolled his eyes, eliciting a laugh from you.

“because you enjoy my company sooo much,” you looked around the crowded room. your voice died down as you realised, that probably isn’t the reason at all. the room was full of the hottest, coolest people you’d ever met, and they all seemed to be close friends with taesan, it was his birthday celebration after all. “i thought you were a party lover, anyway?”

his gaze on you turned less serious, yet for some reason, made your heart beat faster. “well, clearly, you don’t know me well enough.”

“maybe i don’t,” you admit, wishing it wasn’t true. “but they hired out this whole place, shouldn’t you be up there, dancing with them?” you motioned to the crowds of people around the venue.

“i don’t want to right now,” he laughed. you were so unbelievably oblivious, to him, he was making his crush on you very clear. your eyes fixated on a group of pretty girls on the dance floor, an unjustifiable pang of jealousy hitting right where it hurts. his own eyes followed yours to the group. he thought for a moment, analysing what you might be thinking. he could read you like a book. you both turned to each other at the same time, both with your hands guarding your words being seen by any onlookers.

“who’s that girl-“ you started.

“i swear i didn’t even know half of these people-“ he spoke at the same time, managing to get more words out in the same amount of time.

he shook his head with an amused smile, pushing your hand out of the way with his own before placing it on your cheek. he leaned in, wasting not time in pressing his lips against yours. one long kiss and three smaller ones. not that either of you were counting or anything. your lips lingered near his for a moment, waiting for another. but he didn’t give. instead he just laughed.

“if you want more, you’re going to have to wait until we go on a proper date, y/n, i’m a gentleman you know?”

you raised your eyebrows, trying to brush off the embarrassment.

he stretched back on his chair once again as he accidentally caught the attention of one of his friends, who beckoned him to join them. he stood reluctantly, but his stance was inviting you to join him. you stood too and began to walk with him.

“oh, and that girl in the red dress is one of those people that i don’t know. but it’s cute that you’re getting jealous already,” he said with his usual nonchalant attitude, “i’m gonna tell them i’m heading back to the dorms, but i think the river looks really pretty under the moonlight, so let’s make that date happen. wait here, okay?”

𓆉 leehan

leehan turned to find you with your head resting on your arm, which was extended across the table in his kitchen. he wiped his slightly damp hands on his shorts as he turned off the faucet.

“my cooking made you that sleepy?” he said through a shy smile. he took the seat next to you cautiously. this was the first time you’d been alone together at his shared house and it was clearly affecting you both similarly. you wanted to bounce off the walls with excitement, you wanted to kiss his face off, you wanted someone, anyone, to walk through that door, you wanted the ground to swallow you up.

“i didn’t know beef had that taste,” you joked, trying to push away the conflicting feelings. you folded your arm under your head.

“what’s that supposed to mean?” he laughed along.

his eyes focused solely on your hand, that you’d just brought closer to him. did you do that on purpose? did you want him to hold it? his hand found yours before he could think about it anymore, his fingers playing with yours which were weightless under his touch.

you, stunned by the sudden physical affection, lifted your head and looked at the boy. his eyes remained on your hand, which was slowly closing around his. “maybe, next time, you could cook for me?” he asked, trying to break the silence.

“maybe,” his eyes finally met with yours as you began to speak, “i’m not sure it would be any better,” you laughed, and he laughed too.

“well, then we’ll have to go out,” a familiar awkwardness filled the room again, “like on a date, if you’d like?”

his eyes searched yours for an answer before you could even respond. you tried your best to look as enthusiastic as possible, after all, there was nothing you wanted more. “i’d like that a lot, actually.” you shyly rested your head on his shoulder, hoping he wouldn’t see how hard you were blushing right now.

he knew you couldn’t see it, but the only way he could respond was with a warm smile. he looked down to you, the dusty pink hue to your cheeks giving him a wave of confidence. he freed his hand from yours and took your chin between his thumb and finger, tilting your head to mirror his own before leaning in.

his lips landed on yours delicately. the kiss was regretfully short considering how long awaited it was by both of you, but it didn’t stop you from enjoying it. it was like you were both sharing the same butterflies in your tummies. for that split second, everything felt right. neither of you wanted to pull away, but shyness forced you both to revert back to ‘reality.’ you both continued to stare into each other’s eyes. both of you seemed to be begging for another, but neither of you quite caught on.

“that was nice,” you admitted. ‘nice’ was certainly an understatement, you thought, as you kicked yourself for even speaking. “sorry, did i just ruin the moment?” you pulled your lips into your mouth, apparently copying leehan’s expression.

he shook his head, beginning to chuckle, “you’re cute.”

𓆉 woonhak

“it’s okay, i’m kinda scared of horror movies anyway,” you laughed, absentmindedly linking arms with woonhak as you left the movie theatre.

the air outside was biting cold. you weren’t exactly dressed for the weather, but woonhak had been kind enough to lend you his jacket. though oversized, the thin layer of corduroy it wasn’t adding much warmth to you, which is why you found yourself clinging to his arm.

“you know, some people may call that an ick,” he laughed with you, “at your big age you can’t handle a bit of scary fiction?” he mimicked, turning to you to make sure that you were finding his teasing funny. “maybe it was a good thing that they sold out, i don’t think i could take you seriously with tears in your eyes!” he added.

“hey,” you hit his arm with your free hand, “i never said i’d cry!”

“nooo,” he walk became more of a sway, taking you with him sillily, “but what i’m trying to say isss,” his words dragged out longer the more he pushed you along the dimly lit walkway, “i think you’d look pretty when you cry, probably.”

the sudden compliment, if you can even call it that, had you rooted to the spot, causing him to do the same. you raised a brow and took your arm from his. he moved to stand opposite you, a smile forming at your confusion. you eyes softened as you dug your hands into the jacket pockets, his phone being the only thing in there.

“shall we take a picture?” you pulled it out and held it up, “one for the scrapbook - the failed movie night!”

you cheesed at the camera, woonhak’s head peeping in just above yours, housing a pouty, kissy face. you hit the centre button at the right time, just as his lips pecked at your temple. you tried your best to ignore it, not because you didn’t enjoy it, but because you didn’t know how to address it.

“for the record, y/n, i think you’re prettier when you’re not crying,” he clarified, “like tonight. and you look so cute in my jacket too.” his hand came to your cheek and pinched it while smiling sweetly. you swooned, unable to take your eyes off his lips. you desperately wanted to know how they felt on yours, even more so after the small kiss he gave you only a few seconds ago.

you didn’t have to wait long to find out. his lips met with yours and your eyes closed instinctively. he pushed against them a little harder before pulling away naturally. “that was okay, right?” he asked, realising he hadn’t even asked before he did that.

you nodded, still unable to put your feelings into words, but almost greedily wanting another. “hey, have you watched gilmore girls?” you asked, the seemingly random question causing woonhak to shake his head in confusion.

“uh i don’t think so,” he took your hand in his and began to walk with no end destination in mind. he looked over to you and looked away again in a split second, your smile making his heart skip a beat.

“great, shall we go back to mine and watch that instead?” you cosied into his side once again.

“anything for you, sweetie,” he chuckled under his breath, unable to quite believe how you already have him wrapped around your little finger.

[creatchie8]

Yellow Soul: Chapter Eight

Pear

Chapter Summary: With Trevor Tillerson missing, you are pulled back into the tangle of secrets, regrets, and the Abbott family you once tried to leave behind.

Pairing: Rhett Abbott/Fem!Reader

Warnings: Minors DNI- A lot of angst and yearning (but other than that a fairly tame chapter)

Word Count: 3,800ish

A/N: Oh besties do I have something in store for you. Don't you just love heartbreaking internal conflict? Will they, wont they??? Don't worry though I'm already cooking up the next chapter <3

Previous Chapter - Next Chapter - Masterlist

It was Friday and Trevor Tillerson was missing. 

While your dad was flipping through the channels he stopped on the local news. The practically decrepit newscaster (a man you had met three or four times, he’d rather die than retire) in a fitted suit saying something about how a little girl in Casper, Wyoming had been missing for over a month. 

Her parents, he said, were “not giving up hope.” It was a script that was familiar to you, all reporters using the same one for every disappearance. 

Upon hearing this your mother shouted from the pantry the news about Trevor Tillerson.

“What?” You whipped your head towards her, standing up from where you were fiddling with the sleeve of your dad’s oxygen tank. But you just saw him. And although Rhett left him in bad shape certainly it wasn't that bad? Surely he must just be in the town over or something. 

Or something else easily explainable. 

“Jennifer told me when I went to go get your dad’s medication earlier.” Your mom shrugs and acts like it’s the most plain thing in the world. Your mind flashes back to Wednesday night, his body slumped to the ground and bleeding. The image made you shiver and you pushed it away, turning down the volume a bit on the too loud TV. 

The action makes your dad grunt in protest, a shaky hand grasping the remote and turning it up one, a compromise. 

It brings a slight smile to your face and you leave him to go look at the grocery list your mom made. She was still in the pantry on a wobbly step ladder, rifling through boxes of cereal and throwing them into the silver garbage bin below. 

“Why?” You ask as you step into the pantry with her, looking at the boxes in the trash.

“Why what? Cereal or Trevor Tillerson?”

The question makes you bark out a laugh, despite the unfortunate circumstances, “Cereal.” You clarify.

“Every grandkid needs their own cereal. But all of ‘em end up just eating the marshmallows out of the Lucky Charms.” She grumbles in response, throwing the last box down and stepping off the ladder with a huff. 

“Ah, I see.” You say and follow her out, leaning on the cold kitchen counter as she writes down the last few items on her list. Her handwriting, once enviably perfect, had grown shaky. The loopy, elegant O’s of your childhood now looked sharp and slivered, like cat eyes. You used to copy her handwriting on school reports. It never stuck.

“This all?” You ask and pick up the loose leaf paper, scanning the items on the list. Your mother nods and hands you her card. 

You took it, though you didn’t plan to use it. You never spent her money when you could help it.

-

You park on a side street close to the pharmacy, making a quick stop to grab a prescription that hadn’t been ready earlier. The sun was shining and it was warm despite a slight breeze in the air. 

Inside, it was practically deserted. The sterile white walls and tall shelves formed a maze leading to the counter. Jennifer was busy with another woman who had shiny golden hair that looked unbrushed. Standing closer you notice she smells like campfire, smoke clinging to her colorful clothes. 

You busied yourself by playing with a loose thread on the cuff of your sweatshirt, only glancing up when their conversation faded. The hippie woman turned, gave you a quick smile, and brushed past. You can't help but notice her unique white teeth. 

Up at the counter Jennifer grabs the orange bottles on a shelf behind her, packaging them up in front of you. 

“Fifty-four dollars even, insurance paid for the rest.” She smiles and you nod, pulling out your card and rubbing the raised numbers anxiously as you wait for the card reader to turn on. You thought about asking her about Trevor, how she knew about him leaving town. 

But the words dried up in your throat. You didn’t want to know the answer. Not here. Not now.

Some clouds have covered the sun by the time you leave the pharmacy, dulling the atmosphere. Looking up, you try and decide if it’s going to rain. The clouds weren’t ominous, just lazy. Maybe it’d blow over.

Then you saw him. 

Rhett was leaving the bank and heading towards his truck. Your heart leaps into your throat. He was a ways off, taking off his hat and running his hand through his hair before replacing it. 

“Rhett!” The word came out wrong, your voice too high, too sudden. It didn’t even sound like your voice, and you regret calling his name almost immediately as you watch him stop dead in his tracks, whipping his head around to see who called him. 

When his eyes meet yours, you shrink under his gaze and he looks over his shoulder again, as if to see if anyone was watching him. Rhett starts to walk towards you cautiously, as if you were going to bite him or someone (or something) was watching him. 

You meet him halfway, clenching that white paper bag in your fist. With every step you can hear the pills clink against their plastic container. 

“What’re you doin’ here?” Rhett asks, his voice hushed. His eyebrow is bruised from the fight and his lip is cut, but your mind flashes to the memory of how he left Trevor bleeding on the ground. 

“Did you hear what happened to Trevor?” You start, completely ignoring his question. Rhett’s Adam's apple bobs and he visibly tenses at your question. 

“I did…” He hesitates and you raise your eyebrows, urging him to go on. He searches your face, his baby blues tracing your features, “I actually wanted to talk to you about that.” 

You suck in a sharp breath through your nose, eyes dropping to the ground. A leaden feeling settled in your stomach. You didn’t want to talk about that night. Or what you said. Or what he did, “Listen, I really need to go to the grocery store for my dad-”

“It'll be quick.” He grasps your elbow as if you would run away. The touch jolts you like a live wire and you look down at his rough, callused hand before trailing your eyes up his arm and to his face. He’s staring at his own hand, as if surprised he was touching you. 

“You know uh… How the Tillerson’s can be.” He dropped his hand to his side and looked anywhere but your eyes, as if he was scared what he would find there. Something was terribly off with him, something that you couldn't quite figure out. 

You nod simply. Someone would have to live two towns over to not know about the Tillerson’s and their… demeanor. Their history was well known within the sleepy town of Wabang. 

“Truthfully I’m not too proud of the way I acted Wednesday.” Rhett went on. “And I’d really appreciate it if you could… keep quiet. About what happened.”

“Well you know I think Maria saw the whole thing too so you-” You looked away. Your words came out wrong, too smooth, too helpful. Not like you at all.

“That’s actually the reason I’m in town today.” Rhett interrupted and threw a thumb over his shoulder. It didn’t take a genius to realize he was gesturing to where you saw him walk out of. But, it still took you a second to process that he was in there. 

With her. 

Sharp, unreasonable jealousy burned in your chest. You tried to swallow it down. You were too old for that. Whatever that meant.

“Oh! I didn't realize she worked at the bank.” You sounded stupid and your cheeks were burning in embarrassment. Honestly, you wished more than anything for a car to make a wrong turn and run you over right then. 

“How’s your dad?” The question surprised you, all prayers to God abandoned as your eyes found his once again. 

“Still sick… He’d love a visit, though. He’s bored outta his mind at home.” The words tumbled out too fast.

“You sure that wouldn’t be weird?” Rhett cocked his head in confusion.

You snorted in response. “Why would it be weird?” The question hung between you for a moment, swelling with all the memories of why. Of course it would be weird. “Just text me if you plan on coming over. Or I can text you when I’m over.” You played it cool, convincing yourself that it was only weird if you made it weird.

“Yeah sure, I got a new number though so-” Rhett starts, rubbing the back of his neck. 

“Here.” You pull your phone from your back pocket and unlock it, swiping and clicking to add a new contact before holding the phone out to him. 

Rhett took your phone, his fingers brushing yours. You pretended not to notice, but the warmth of his skin stayed like a fingerprint. He typed slowly, like the numbers were harder to remember than they should be, then handed it back.

On instinct, you look down at his saved contact. Rhett Abbott. As if you would forget the last name you were destined to have six years ago. 

“I’ll text you first,” he says.

“New number, though. Remember?” You tap your nails on the back of your phone and hold it up.

That makes him smile, crooked and a little sad. You used to run your thumb across that exact smile like it was something you owned.

Rhett mirrors your earlier actions, handing you his phone. He steps closer this time, just slightly, and your breath catches before you can stop it. You’re toe to toe. He could kiss you, if you hadn’t left. If you weren’t both standing here like you were about to start something and end it in the same breath.

You type your number along with your first name, no last name. Just something simple before handing it back to him. You realize he’s looking at you like he wants to say something else. Like there’s a thread between your rib cages and he’s not sure if pulling it will unravel everything or finally tie it all back together.

“Was good seein’ you.” The trance is broken by Rhett’s deep drawl.

All you can do is nod in agreement, clutching the white paper sack tighter in your sweaty palm. You want to say you too. You want to say don’t go. You want to say when are you free next?

Rhett leaves and it hurts more than it should. A crow screeches overhead, its black body perched on a swaying powerline. It caws again, seemingly sneering at you, teasing you as it flies away. 

-

Cheap beer spilled down the side of the solo cup and over your knuckles as you walked up the creaky metal stairs to the bleachers. The sun is low, caught somewhere between gold and rust, casting long shadows across the seats. People fan themselves with programs or their hats, boots propped on rails, knees pressed close under crowded seating. Denim on denim, the occasional rhinestone glinting in the sun. Everyone smells faintly like leather and hay.

“Ugh I hope we see that guy again tonight…” Madison mumbles as you find your seats. You remember the initial text you got that brought you here in the first place. 

Rhett Abbott: I’m riding Sunday night

He was a man of few words, and you would be lying if when you saw it you didn't let out a short laugh at the bluntness of it. 

“Mads, I’m gonna be honest. I have no intentions of going after that guy-” You paused and took a sip of your beer as you surveyed the arena, “So I give you full permission to go after him.” 

Madison’s eyes widen as she turns to you slowly, “Really?” She asks tentatively, as if you were tricking her. It makes you laugh, the sound coming from deep in your stomach. Madison grins back, giggling behind her hand.

“Yes really, I hope he’s here tonight. Just for you.” You assure her with a smile.

“Hmmm me too.” Madison hums, turning her attention back to the dirt arena.

The air smells like a thick blend of dust, sweat, and sweet kettle corn. Smoke from a nearby grill hangs near the food stands, curling around strings of carnival lights strung up between poles. There’s a constant low murmur. Laughter, vendors shouting, kids whining for funnel cakes… but it reels in like the tide when the announcer’s voice crackles over the speakers.

-

You were halfway to a booth selling churros when you heard her voice calling your name.

You turned, already halfway into a smile before your chest tightened. Cecilia stood in her usual garb, dark denim jacket with embroidered paisley print on the cuffs, brown hair hidden under a felt cowboy hat. She looked exactly the same. Maybe a little softer around the eyes. 

“Oh, honey, look at you!” Cecilia exclaimed with open arms like nothing ever happened, and you didn’t hesitate. She pulled you into a hug that smelled like vanilla lotion and cigarette smoke. 

“Girl, it’s been what, six years? You look good. Life been treating you all right?”

You nodded, not trusting your voice. She cupped your face in both hands like you were still twenty-three, still hers. A pang of want settles in your chest, twisting at your heart and reminding you of how loved you used to be by this family. 

Then you heard boots scuffing behind her.

Royal. Sturdy as ever, arms crossed like the fairground was his personal kingdom. He gave you a nod, slow and steady. “Didn’t expect to see you here.”

You gave a quiet, “Didn’t expect to come.”

His eyes held yours a beat too long. “Life’s like that.” 

A flash of blonde hair lingers behind Royal’s legs and you shift your weight, attempting to look behind him. 

Cecilia notices you and turns around, letting out a soft noise of realization, “Amy- Amy come here.” She says and walks a few feet over to Royal who was seemingly keeping his distance from you. 

A little girl who couldn't be more than five pokes her head out from around Royal’s legs, her tiny hands gripping his jeans. Cecilia pries her hands away from the fabric and guides her out from behind his legs. 

The girl, Amy, had deep blue wide eyes that looked at you with interest as Cecilia led her over to you. Behind them, Royal took a few steps towards you as well, clearly very protective of this little girl. Perry’s girl. 

And for the briefest second, it hits you sideways. That if you’d stayed, if you and Perry hadn’t ended the way it did, that could’ve been your little girl. Kindergarten-aged. A child old enough to lose her first tooth, to ask questions about the world with her whole chest, to pick out her own clothes in the morning and still get apple sauce and crayola marker stains on everything.

You can’t even picture it.

You’re almost thirty, sure, but the idea of having a child right now, of packing lunch boxes and scheduling parent-teacher conferences, feels like trying on someone else’s skin. A version of yourself that never existed.

You wonder if she would’ve had your smile or Perry’s eyes.

You wonder if you would’ve been any good at it.

“Amy, this is Miss.Madison’s sister. Say ‘hi’ now.” Cecilia explained to her. You hunched down so you were more level with the little girl. 

“Hi Amy, do you go to after school care with Madison?” You ask with a smile and she nods, her eyes dropping to her feet, “The cow on your sweatshirt is very cute.” She grins and touches the screen printed cow, muttering a soft, “Thanks.” 

You are about to ask her another question when she gets distracted by something behind you, her eyes lighting up, “Daddy!” She squeals and bolts past you. Before you can even stand up you start sweating and you feel like hyperventilating. You felt him before you saw him. The air dropped five degrees.

Perry Abbott stood tall in a flannel button up with the sleeves rolled, hat tipped back just enough for you to see the exact moment his eyes landed on you.

He lifted Amy easily into his arms, his hand resting protectively on her back as she giggled into his shoulder. His jaw was already tight by the time she turned around and pointed back at you.

“Grandma says that’s Miss.Maddie’s sister.” Amy exclaims matter-of-factly. Perry’s gaze followed her finger. It hit you like a punch, sharp and deliberate. He looked tired and bordering on miserable, the cut on the bridge of his nose and the bruise on his jaw only aiding his gaunt appearance. His knuckles are scabbed and bruised from the fight with Trevor. 

It was strange seeing him here so tender with his little girl. When last time you saw him he was sloshed out of his mind and could barely stand on his two feet. You wonder if his parents knew about that if they’d be disappointed in him at his big age. 

“Didn’t know you were still hanging around town.” Perry’s words take you back, so much so you're sure you make a face in response. 

“Her dad is sick, remember Perry?” Cecilia answers for you, coming to stand beside you. Her tone is firm and warning, as if telling him to behave.

Perry walks past you, stopping by his mom, “She doesn't need people flitting in and out of her life.” said low enough that Amy won’t understand, but you heard perfectly fine. 

And with that, he walked, boots crunching against the gravel, Amy’s tiny hand waving over his shoulder like a white flag you weren’t sure you deserved as Cecilia and Royal reluctantly followed. 

-

Stadium lights illuminated the kicked up dust in the arena, catching like glitter in your eyelashes. Madison had been giving you sympathetic looks for the past hour, ever since you got back to your seats and explained your run in with the Abbotts. 

Her hand trailing down your back was the last straw, “Mads stop it, really. I’m fine.” You huffed and slouched against your seat. 

“All I wanna say is don’t take it personally. The Abbotts been havin’ a real hard time since Rebecca left.” Madison held her hands up in a surrender (one holding her half-eaten churro), her body turned towards you.

“Rebecca?” The name sounded familiar but not enough to spark any sort of memory.

“You're joking-” Madison started, giving you a skeptical look. Slowly, it melted into a look of realization, her mouth forming a small ‘o’, “Wow you really don't know…”

“Know what?” You raised your voice an octave, annoyed at her secrecy. 

“Shhhhh- quiet!” She slapped your elbow and leaned in close to your face as if she was spilling top secret information, “Rebecca is Amy’s mom… Rebecca left like, nine or so months ago I think. The only reason why I know about it is because Amy hangs out at the school before someone picks her up. Poor girl.” 

“Poor girl.” You repeat quietly, nodding your head before looking back at whoever just came out of the gate, their bull thrashing and kicking. Though, Perry’s words keep swirling around in your head. She doesn't need people flitting in and out of her life. What was the story with Rebecca, the real story? A strange feeling overtook you and you shivered, hugging your jacket closer. 

The announcer’s voice boomed again, pulling everyone’s attention toward the center of the arena.

“And up next, we’ve got Kenny Tuthill ridin’ Bad Medicine—this bull’s meaner than your ex and twice as ugly, so y’all hold your breath!”

Your stomach dropped. Madison’s head whipped toward you, eyes wide. “What the fuck did he just say?” Once you turned to her, her lips pressed together stifling her laughter. You tried to talk with a straight face, only muttering out a few syllables of… something, before the two of you exploded in laughter, tears blurring your vision as you grabbed onto her bicep. 

“Shut up, shut up! Everybody’s lookin’ at us!” Madison tried to collect herself but you could tell she was only biting her lip to keep from laughing more. You buried your face into her shoulder, your body still shaking in laughter as Kenny Tuthill finished his ride. 

“Now who we’ve all been waiting for, Rhett Abbott back in the game after a slight misstep last week. I know y’all are eager to see our hometown hero ride once again!”

Slowly you rolled your face away from her shoulder to watch. The chute rattled, the bull inside snorting like a freight train behind the rusted gate spray painted with a bold #3. 

He exploded out into the ring like lightning striking dry grass. Dust flew. The crowd screamed. And there he was. One hand in the air, the other locked to the rope, body snapping with the bull’s every violent twist.

He looked exactly the same. Only somehow more dangerous.

You didn’t realize you were still gripping Madison’s arm until she winced, “Ouch.” she whined, pulling your hand away from her.

You didn’t answer. Couldn’t. Your eyes stayed locked on him.

Eight seconds never felt so long.

Or so short.

You don't even know that you are standing up with everyone else until you hear the roar of the crowd around you, all cheering on Rhett as he scuffles around on the ground, attempting to regain his balance. You hold still with bated breath, eyes flicking nervously between him and the screen. 

82.5

The number forty-four hung on by a thread against his back, the black vest a sharp contrast to his striped blue button up. Even from the bleachers you can see his expression completely change, his eyes lighting up and the corners of his mouth turn upwards. 

Rhett turns back to the crowd, beating his chest as confidence exudes from him. 

But then, like something tugging at him, his gaze lifts.

And finds you.

It’s not immediate, not dramatic. No slow motion, no gasp. Just his eyes locking with yours across the arena like it was always meant to happen. Like he knew exactly where you were sitting before the chute even opened.

Slowly, as if not to spook him, you raise your hand up the smallest amount. Just above your hip and give him a little wave. 

His smile falters, not quite fading, but shifting into something deeper. Something older. Like recognition. Like memory. His chest still heaving from the ride, sweat tracing a path down his dirt caked temple, but he doesn’t look away.

Neither do you.

Madison says something beside you, but it’s muffled, a blur.

Because all you can think is God, it’s still him.

And then…

A nod. Small. Almost imperceptible.

But it’s meant for you.

Then he turns, swallowed back up by his team, by handlers and friends slapping him on the back.

And still, your heart hasn’t started beating again.

See me on AO3 as Creatchie8 too for a full list of tags & more!

Tag List: @keepingitlokiii

[kingchroma]

comfort.

࿇ summary. gun is not that good at comforting people. ࿇ pairing. gun x reader

࿇ word count. almost 1k ࿇ author's note. this is my first time posting one of my lookism drafts. i'm sorry if it's a bit ooc, i was just really writing for myself until i decided to share it with everyone. hope you enjoy! feel free to request as well on my ask box.

Gun is unsure how to comfort people.

The notion of comforting people is a foreign concept to him because all his life, the only mode of survival he knew was that the only person that he should take care of is himself. Was it selfish? Maybe, but given the way he was born and raised—how he had lived his life up to now—it was something that he had been used to. It had been second nature to him.

So when you tearfully say your woes in his arms, he’s speechless.

He's speechless in a way that he wants to tell you that it's okay to let things out—that he will wrangle those who've hurt you with his bare hands, because how dare they hurt the love of his life—that it's okay and you're not being stupid for crying in his arms, but he can't. The words, no matter how much Gun pushes them out, are lodged in his throat. And no matter what, all he can do was hum in acknowledgement and answer in grunts.

It's a bit pitiful, he thinks. He's your boyfriend, for fuck's sake! He's your lover and he wants you to feel heard because he IS hearing you out, listening to you as you sniffle, but because of his own incompetence in handling emotions and feelings—he's stuck in this position where he can't even comfort you verbally.

He loves you so much. So, so much that looking at you crying is making his heart break into several pieces. He loves you so much that even if all he can do is offer his silence, he will be there for you.

Though, Gun still thinks that he's a shit boyfriend for not being better—for not doing a greater job at comforting you.

"It's okay," you say, sniffles being heard as you look up at him, responding as if you've heard every single one of his thoughts. "You don't have to say anything, I just need you to listen."

Gun thinks his heart breaks even more because did you also think that he's incompetent in giving comfort? It's not like you thought about it in the first place—he's just overthinking because it's like a sickness that eh can't get rid of.

"I am," he says quietly, a brief response as he leans in to press a tender kiss on your hair, hand soothing your back as an attempt to calm you down. "Sorry if I can't offer much," he adds, apologetic.

Gun does feel bad. He feels like a shitty boyfriend.

Surprised at his response, you look at him, eyes slowly becoming wide. "What?" you ask. "That's not what I even wanted from you," you start before speaking again. "I just wanted to be held by you and for you to listen," you tell him. "You're doing a spectacular job at it, my love."

Gun stares at you, because how come you’re the one that’s comforting him? It’s supposed to be the other way around.

He holds you tighter. "I just feel like I can do more, but I'm having trouble with it," he clarifies, letting you know that he wants nothing more than to comfort you properly. He feels like a goddamn rock. But a hand reaches out to wipe the tears away from you cheek. "Don't comfort me, you're the one who's crying," he adds.

You chuckle, a light sniffle coming out from you. "I'm just reassuring you," you say, adjusting your position so you can look at him better. "Because I know you're going to beat yourself up. for it."

“I’m not here to cry for comfort. I just need you to hold me and listen,” you remind him again while staring into his eyes. “What are you even thinking?”

What is he even thinking? A lot of things—his mind was going through a downward spiral because: a) Why are you comforting him? b) He was supposed to be doing the comforting. And Gun wants to look away at your question, but you know—even he knows—that you have way too much power over him, that you will force him to look at you if needed be.

If it were other people who dared to touch his face, he will immediately slap their hands away—but not you, never you.

“That you might be thinking I’m not good at comforting people,” he says somberly, a bit apologetic. “That I don’t understand what you’re going through.”

“But you do,” you tell him, and he nods. “I know you do. But you’re not great at words and that’s okay with me, because your actions make up for it, my love,” you add.

“I don’t think you realize it, but the fact that you paused your tv show for me to hold me and listen to me was more than enough,” you say, giving him a small smile, irises still holding a sheen of tears. “I love you. You did a great job comforting me.”

I love you, the words repeat in his head, and Gun thinks that you're adorable even if you still have a few tears left to cry. In his head, the situation is a little dire because how on earth are you comforting him instead? You've always been so patient with him.

“I love you,” he replies quietly, holding you close as he wraps his arms tighter around you. “Jus’ wanna do my best for you. Show how much I care for you.”

You chuckle, nuzzling your head in the crook of his neck. “You already do. Your actions speak way louder than your words.”

“You mean that?” he asks, rubbing your arm lightly.

He thinks you’re perfect in his arms.

That you fit perfectly in his life. His precious angel.

“Mhm,” you hum. “I wouldn’t be here if I wasn’t taken care of well.”

He chuckles, kissing your forehead this time. “Good. I intend on taking care of you for a long time.”

[stararch4ngelqueen]

HERE ME OUT WITH THIS ONE

So Jason and Reader just get finish with spicy times (😏) and reader is laying on his chest, tracing all the scars and old wounds on his body while asking him questions about it as he answers nonchalantly😍😍

(I’m actually so in love with this man it’s BAD)

-🥔 anon

He makes me wanna chew him like a chew toy so he can tell me to stop then hug me like a puppy 🧍🏽‍♀️

I did this on an off mood day so it’s not really large as I wanted, but I hope you like it!

—

Time written - 4:55 p.m

TW - Autopsy Scar mention.

—

His breath is heavy and labored, his body feeling loose with jelly-like limbs, but that doesn’t stop him from tugging the bunched up blankets around your bare body, accepting your sweet gaze with a handsome smile.

“I love you, sweetheart.” Jason, even in his moment of pleasure and exhaustion, he makes sure to say such words loud and clear.

“I love you too,” you exhale, your cheeks still flushed after such an intense climax. He chuckles softly at that cute little afterglow as he buries his head into the crook of your neck.

He doesn’t say anything else, allowing pure silence to invade the bedroom. It’s late, and he’s exhausted both physically and emotionally after such long, hard hours. The day has taken a lot out of you both, with him still recovering from his wounds, and you helping to treat him, Jason would love nothing more than to just close his eyes for a moment after such stress relief.

“I love you so much,” he whispers against your skin, his rumbling voice still a little hoarse while running his hand along your shoulders, fingertips trailing soft, soothing motions over your skin.

Your fingers absentmindedly trailed along the deep, silvery indents coming together in between his pecs. A deep, slim line cutting in between his abs, neither straight or crooked the day the scalpel cut deep through his skin to begin his autopsy.

“Jason?” You break the silence.

“Mm.” He opens his eyes, gazing along your collarbone. “Yeah?”

You almost wanted to ask about this scar, only to change your mind at the last minute, recalling his healing bullet wound in his left bicep. Of course, you’d expect him to heed your concerns when he peppered your neck with kisses about an hour ago. You should’ve known better to think anything would stop Jason from what he wanted.

He looks down just a little more, noticing just how focused you were on that long, ancient cut of his all along the entirety of his chest.

“Does it still hurt?”

Jason’s eyes follow your fingers as they trail across his body. It’s a sensitive area of his—when you mention it, he still feels a few stings. Not of pain, just of … a strange, cynical familiarity of all things awful. The bubbling of putrid Lazarus water flooding his ears, the tension of long cold nerves and muscles stirring to life.

“It hurts a little bit,” he admits, resuming his hand motions along your back. “But it’s not too bad.”

“And your arm?” You quickly scrabble to question, realizing you never clarified. “Your arm, I mean.”

“Hurts a little, but less than it did before… It’s not too bad though,” he adds, his voice coming out as calm as he can manage. “I’m okay, I promise.”

He looks down at your hand, feeling your touch never stop along such a brutal mark. Now it begins to concern him over just how much you’re concerned.

“Does it bother you, baby?” he whispers, his voice so low that it’s almost a murmur.

“It always bothers me when you get shot—“

“Not that,” Jason interrupts, gesturing with the slightest tilt of his head. “That.”

“Oh.” Your fingertip stops just before the scar’s end, feeling his abdomen muscles grow a bit taunt. You ponder this for quite a while, trying to never let your mind settle on such thoughts every time you saw Jason without a shirt.

“Well, it’s not like I was alive when they did it-“

“Jason,” you scoff, meeting his amused expression with your narrowed eyes. He just couldn’t help himself, could he? After such mind blowing sex, as per usual, you both should be either sleeping off well deserved exhaustion, or debating what flavor ice cream and genre movie to watch, while the post sex endorphins still flooded your brains.

“Shh,” he hushes against your crown, kissing along your hairline. “Shhh, it’s okay. I’m alright. You know that.”

“I know. Can’t imagine how much this would’ve hurt.” You sigh, settling your palm directly over his heart, fingers sprawled across his chest. There’s no use to think on it, really. He’s alive, he’s here. That’s all that mattered.

“Felt worse.” Jason murmurs to himself, peeking down at your flushed cheeks and glimmering, adorable eyes holding so much worry for him. “Y’know what hurts worse than getting shot?”

“What?”

“Those hands of yours, sweetheart,” Jason smirks, patting the outside of your shoulder. “Could cut glass with those diamonds you call acrylics. Maybe those claws should dig a little harder next time, add onto the collection.”

“Oh please,” you scoff, nearly rolling your eyes while maintaining your smile. “You’d probably do something stupid like getting them tattooed onto your back.”

Jason didn’t answer, but his smirk said it all. Probably get your scratches permanently tattooed?

“Jason, no.”

His smile grows a lot more to your absolute disbelief.

“No! You’re not!”

“It’s not a bad idea, babe—“

“Well, I said no!”

[wakayrd]

Question for your CC AU, but do you see Canon Sif learning any "modern rechnology" if he was dropped to the theater? Also, who, or what, would take the place of the King in this your AU, and how would they react to it?

PS, but what are your thoughts about ACT 5 Sif going around trying to do everyone's Friendquests with the CC cast like in Canon, making an ass out of CC Sif as a result. But when during Isa's moment, cue a slapped CC Frin walking in as suddenly, everything clicks and the CC cast realizes they were mean to their Frin without cause (canon Frin has a breakdown + uses Craft)

HI I SAW THIS COME IN BUT HAD PROJECTS I HAD TO WORK ON.....

 I’m still here!! Just swamped with other things… Sorry! Canon Sif learning modern tech…. I do feel like CC Sif and Canon Sif would have a field day with the headsets. There’s not too much modern tech in the theatre in terms of touch screens and such, so it’s mostly things like power tools and the light board, the lights... Not too much they can take back with them- but definitely a lot of things they can learn about the way technology developed here! Maybe tears apart a clock or two for fun while there, just to fiddle and look inside, and maybe relay some of this stuff to the group, and try to see if they could use it in the future. The King of this AU is a judicator that attends local plays and is part of the committee that gives out awards to community theatres! It’s rare to see the King and CC Sif hasn’t seen him themselves, but people say you just know it’s the king. I... hope to draw him soon :) I don't know for sure if Canon Sif would immediately recognize him or not, but seeing a King with less... destructive power, as bad as it feels,must be kinda nice.

ACT 5 Sif doing the friendquests……uh oh! I do imagine it’d be a very confusing day, especially since at first glance, ACT 5 just like CC who just got in- they have no reason to think that ACT 5 Sif isn’t CC Sif. On top of that, where the timeline is when ACT 5 Sif comes in, it’s even earlier and the entire CC cast knows each other even less! So it really comes across as more shocking because they don’t have as much as a background- CC Sif at this point is just starting to really come out of their shell. So it really is night and day!

I can see ACT 5 Sif and Isa talking on the stage (ironic) and they’re getting loud, and that’s when CC Sif walks in confused- they just had the most awful interaction with Odile in the sound booth, after having one with Bonnie in the snack bar, and Mirabelle near the dressing room. They all said something about betraying their trust or saying something awful or something akin to it all, and when he tried to clarify what was going on something he said always set them off again. It’s been a rough day. Of course, the rest of the crew comes out to see them and sees two Sifs, and that’s when they turn to CC Sif a bit like so “hey uh!!! Did we talk earlier today?” and CC Sif is like “no???? I just got here like 10 minutes ago” and things SUDDENLY MAKE SENSE.

They’re so sorry about what happened with CC Sif, and don’t even know how to address Act 5 Sif. Mirabelle especially, for slapping them!!! She offers to help and heal him, and is nearly blubbering about it, apologizing for hitting them for words they didn’t say. Bonnie comes up to apologize to him too. Odile comes up later- just letting CC Sif have a moment before coming up with her own apologies. They probably all give them some sort of gift as an apology, but CC Sif already??? Is way over it by then?  They'd probably ask ACT 5 how.... do they know some really personal things about them, even though some of it is half wrong, and I don't imagine ACT 5 is really happy with this nor do they want to answer the question! I love drawing ACT 5 Sif..... A little bonus doodle: noticing a bit of concerning behavior....

don't mind my shifting artstyle, i am still trying to nail it lol :)

[jmagnabo92]

Trevor and Hetty- a kept promise, please and thank you :)

Well... it's not under 500 words. LOL. Hope you like it!

***

There weren’t a lot of promises that Trevor made in his life, especially not to other people, but as he watches Pinkus leave with his – their – daughter, he thinks about the promise he made to himself about the life he hoped to find.  

A real partner, a family, a life outside of his job.  

Then, he went and died.

And maybe he’s a little jealous that Pinkus got to have all that – and he’s, well, he’s a ghost.  

Trevor sits on the bench that the ghosts like to watch that one tree limb, lost in thought of the what ifs – what if he’d taken a little less coke, what if he’d drunk a little less alcohol, what if he’d mixed a little less pills… 

What if, what if, what if…

“Trevor?” a voice from beside him asks.  

He jumps slightly.  He hadn’t noticed Hetty beside him.  Or that night had fallen.

“Uh, hi, Hetty.”

“Are you alright?”

Trevor shrugs.  “I was just thinking of broken promises.”

“Oh?”

“To myself,” he clarifies.  He never makes promises to others because he doesn’t need the guilt of a broken promise to someone else.  

“Oh?” she prompts, again. 

“I promised myself that I would find a partner, have a family, become more than just my job… and that’s literally all I am, even if the after – no partner, no family, just my job.  Ironic.”

“I wouldn’t say that,” Hetty replies, and his unbelieving look prompts some additional context.  “We ghosts have had many a moment of being a family, in particular, a few years ago when we discovered what my louse of great-great-grandson and your so-called bros did to your body.  Samantha and Jay have helped us be more of a family in many ways.”

Trevor hums.  “Jay does call us his eight idiot kids.”

Hetty hums, too.  “I am fairly certain that you, yourself, have called them ‘mom and dad’, too.”

Trevor laughs.  “That’s a joke – although it’s fitting.”

Hetty smiles, too.  “Thus, perhaps, you did not get to have a child that you raised yourself, but you still have a family – us ghosts, and you have the ability to check on your family, your daughter, as well.”

Trevor nods.  “That’s true.”

“With regards to your job, something the rest of ghosts deeply do not understand – I believe Sasappis says it best ‘who wants to work when you’re dead’ –, it’s hardly the only thing about you.  There were months where no one had any idea that you held a job in ghostly state and we certainly do not go to you for your job, but because we genuinely want to discuss and ponder with you.”

“Even you?” Trevor teases. 

“Especially, me,” Hetty assures him.  “I have enjoyed our power friends alliance, and I admit that perhaps I missed out, choosing to focus on getting sucked off and not how you might feel –” 

He can’t help his laughter at Hetty’s use of sucked off, though he knows that isn’t what she meant. 

“– why are you laughing?  I am trying to be honest with you and –”

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry!  I don’t – I can’t explain without ruining my favorite joke,” Trevor admits.  “But as for the rest of it – are you saying… what I think you’re saying?  Would you – maybe want to try, again?”

Hetty looks like she wants to say yes but she probably thinks he’s offering because she’s suggesting it rather than because he wants it.  

So, he adds, “Because I – I wouldn’t exactly be opposed.”

Hetty searches his eyes for just a second before they both shift slightly for the kiss that they seem to be on the same page for, and said kiss is a bit softer and sweeter than their first kiss.  It’s shorter, too, but when they pull apart, they’re smiling at each other.

“Perhaps you kept your promise after all, no?” Hetty questions, smiling.

“Yeah, I think I did.  Thanks to you.”  Trevor grins.  “A promise kept, after all.”

***

If you'd like play - here's the OG Post for Ficlet Friday - HERE

[thibouniverse]

Coming Out (Thunderblots* and trans (ftm) reader)

Pairing: None, just the found family trope we all so desperately need.

Summary: You just can't "hide" it anymore and you decide to come out the New Avengers.

Warnings: none i guess, just found family trope, bob being a sweetheart, all of them actually, but bob especially

Word Count: 1,445 words

Author's note: I wrote this for catharsis purpose obviously (like most of my fics actually) + first time i'm writing a 'reader' fanfic! (still couldn't help but name the reader though, sorry)

(ignore their face on the picture i just needed one where they were all here)

~~~~

“Guys?” You ask as everyone was about to leave the briefing room. Everyone paused before you add “I wanna tell you something.”

“Yeah, sure,” Yelena says softly and she sits back in the chair.

“But I’m hungry,” Walker whines before Ava gives him a punch in the ribs with her elbow. John sits back too, holding his side muttering a ‘ouch’.

Bucky and Bob were facing you, the first having his hands on the back of the chair, the other crossing his arms over his chest.

And Alexei was to your right, unsure what was about to happen and looking at everyone as if they knew something he didn’t.

Everyone was quiet and you knew you couldn’t back down anymore. “Ok so, um, this isn’t easy to say, but I’m ready and… Yeah, I just need to let it out, you deserve it.” You nod to yourself.

The room stays quiet, everyone giving you time to process your words. Even though Alexei and John were dying to let something out. One because he hates the silence, the other because he doesn’t have the patience. But even if their legs are bouncing or if their hands are fidgeting, they keep their mouths shut. And you made sure to keep this in your head to thank them later. 

Your hands are grabbing the back of the chair in front of you–similar to Bucky–as you take a deep breath before finally letting it out “So, here goes.” You clear your throat before looking down at the table, avoiding everyone’s gaze and admitting: “I’m trans.”

There’s half a second of silence before Alexei asks: “Wait? That’s it?”

You look at him puzzled even though you feel your shoulders losing their tension.

“I—” you start but are too dumbfounded to answer. You were not expecting this.

“What my dad wants to say is… how can I say this?” Yelena looks for help, but nobody says anything. “I guess it doesn’t come as a huge surprise.” And everyone nods.

“Never thought of you as a girl anyway,” Bucky admits, his hand leaving the chair as he crosses his arms over his chest with that gentle smile he seemed to have more and more as the days went by. “But thank you for telling us, that means a lot.”

“I’m so proud of you,” Alexei mumbles, coming near you, and ruffling your hair with his fist, almost breaking your bones with his hug.

“We are so proud of you,” Bob clarifies, his hands in his sleeves and looking away, obviously feeling too exposed for speaking in everyone’s name. You smile at him when your eyes meet for a second, in the hope he knows how much it means to you that he said that.

“So,” Ava says right after, “how do you want us to call you? You know, now that it’s official.” She asks, waving her arms in front of her.

Everyone looks at you and you meet everyone’s eyes. You surely didn’t expect such acceptance and understanding. Every time you’ve had to come out before it was only intrusive questions, people not believing you, saying you were making things up. And now they even ask for your name? This was a bit too much.

“Well, um, I’ve thought of a few,” you start, a hand instinctively reaching your nape, “and nothing is set in stone yet, but hum, I think I like Timothée.”

“I think it’s perfect for you.” Yelena replies honestly without hesitation and when you look at her, it takes everything in you to not start crying. Everyone nods, even Alexei who wipes a tear and sniffles near you, one arm still over your shoulders.

“Walker, you’re awfully quiet. Something’s wrong?” There wasn’t any accusation in Bucky’s voice, but he made sure that if something was wrong, he would get… ‘winter soldier mode’ as Alexei would say.

You personally didn’t mind if he didn’t say anything, you’d rather have that than something you don’t want to hear.

“I’m just a little… lost on the whole thing,” he replies, unsure. “I don’t want to say anything wrong or… hurtful.”

“Well, well, well,” Ava starts, obviously teasing, her hands on her hips, “aren’t you thinking before you speak, now?”

Walker rolls his eyes and Yelena speaks before he can, “Timothée, congrats on making this achievement, you’re the first.”

The comment makes a smile reach your eyes while everyone–except John–laughs gently. And you’re not sure if you’re smiling from the fact that someone has said your real name outloud–and without disdain or disgust–for the first time like it was a natural thing to do, or the fact that, indeed, for once, John thought before speaking. That was quite the achievement indeed. The little bonus to this confession.

Yelena hugs you, whispering that she is again, so proud of you. Alexei hugs you and even lifts you off the ground this time, as you huff in surprise. He shouts “Now, we eat!” throwing a fist in the air as he lets you go and everyone follows out of the room. Walker just nods, clearly not comfortable and genuinely scared to do or say the wrong thing. And Ava and Bucky both nod while putting one hand on each of your shoulders as they go past you.

Bob is the last one to leave the room and it’s kind of obvious he is about to apologize, even though, for you, he didn’t do anything wrong. ��I’m sorry I didn’t react much, I just— I’m not a fan of speaking in front of everyone. Obviously.” He chuckles awkwardly, his fingers playing with the end of his sleeves but still looking at you.

“It’s ok Bob, really.” He smiles gently as you reassure him, his eyes looking slightly to the side.

“I’m sorry, um, can we talk?” he asks as he looks at the open door over your shoulder, watching everyone going to the kitchen. “If it’s ok with you of course! Maybe you need time for yourself?”

“I’m ok Bob, thank you.” You sit in the chair in front of you. “We can talk.” He exhales a deep breath and sits in the chair next to you.

You always appreciated having a talk with him. Especially when it felt like he needed it. You liked how he always wanted to clear the air. Even though there was nothing to clear right now. You already had been so lucky with all their reactions. After so many bad and horrible ones, you couldn't hope for more. “I didn’t want you to feel like you were under the radar or something.” Bob explains. “I mean I just hate when everyone looks at me and I don’t know, I feel like, sometimes, you don’t like it either.” You nod, letting him continue. It was weird sometimes, how easy he could see through you. “So I didn’t want to say too much in front of the others. And when I said ‘we’, I meant to say ‘I’. I mean the others are proud of you, that’s for sure, that’s not what I mean.” He chuckles nervously again. “I am so proud of you. And I can’t believe the courage it must have taken you for telling us this. This makes  me even prouder–if that’s possible. And thank you for telling us, really.” And he takes the hand that was resting on your lap to give it a small squeeze.

“I kinda owed it to you all, I—”

“What? No!” He interrupts before frowning, realising what you had just said. “Wait, did you feel pressured to say it?”

“No, not at all,” you reassure him immediately, holding his hand a little tighter, his warmth reaching your heart instantly. “It was the right time, I think? I don’t know. But not telling you all felt like cheating somehow, like I was hiding a secret from you or something. I’m glad I was able to say it.” And you let out a loud breath, as if you had been holding it since telling everyone.

“Thank you for telling us,” he repeats, giving your hand a little shake as you smile.

“Thank you for accepting me as I am.”

“Of course! And please let me know if anyone–even me–is intrusive, even in the slightest way. And I’ll make sure they’ll remember their mistake.”

You chuckle softly, not doubting that he indeed would, before whispering a thanks and as Bob gets up you do the same before he opens his arm for a hug which you gladly accept without question as he repeats how proud he is, making your heart flutter and your whole body warmer.

[alygator77]

I previously asked an anonymous question which might hv come off as rude even though it was not my true intention. I hv just been rlly excited to read the part 2 of vows of duty. Sorry to make u feel pressurized if I hv. I rlly loved ur writing style. It was very engaging and the plot was was very interesting. Rlly looking forward for the progress of the story. 🥰🥰(^-^)(^-^)

hi anon! thank you so much—it genuinely means a lot that you took the time to clarify and apologize to me so kindly. i totally understand being excited for updates (and pls know that your excitement is appreciated!).

i’ll admit i was already a bit on edge. i’ve been pulling my hair out these past few days trying to get pt 2 just right (perfectionist problems 🫠😭 lol). plus, i honestly didn’t expect vod to blow up the way it did—it still completely stuns me how much love it’s gotten. i’m beyond grateful, but it also makes me even more critical of myself. when i say i’m my own worst critic, i mean it. sometimes i literally need @strychnynegirl and @madamechrissy to slap me upside the head and remind me to chill tf out and stop overthinking things lol.

i hope pt 2 will be worth the wait once it’s ready! 🥺 ty for the thoughtfulness in your follow-up. ty for reading and loving the fic. hugs 🫂🫶🏻

-aly💕

[misc-obeyme]

Lesson 36 spoilers below, including the locked lesson & hard lesson...

Sorry it's a little screenshot heavy but there was a lot happening in this lesson and I was having a lot of feelings. I think I screenshotted my way through the whole thing lol.

SO. MUCH. LORE.

We got so much lore!??!?!

Things I'm freaking out about:

Mephisto's whole lecture about the underworld and its rings

the fact that trains were seen as commoner's transportation 'cause they were used by demons who couldn't fly

SOLOMON (as if he wasn't hot enough) walking through all the rings of the underworld

Solomon just kinda laughing about it and then agreeing that it's really just a tourist attraction now???? THAT'S THE UNDERWORLD YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT.

He talks about the city of Dis which is straight up from the Divine Comedy. Does this mean Dante has been their resource all along?! That could explain Diavolo's Italian name...

Because he also talks about Minos who also made an appearance in the Divine Comedy... I'm just sayin!!

They said they're taking Lucifer to Cocytus?!? (Which is also in... you guessed it, the Divine Comedy. Where it's stated to be the home of traitors.)

Isn't that the same thing as the River of Lamentation?!?!

What're they gonna do, drown him???

Okay okay my list should have ended several bullet points ago.

(Though on that last one, if they're going full Dante, then they'll bury him in ice instead.)

ANYWAY.

Mephisto buying all those sweets for his little brother was the cutest thing ever. He needs to stop being precious. I was resisting so well and then he had to go and be a good brother and also be concerned about MC and ask if they were all right and yeah he's annoying but it's kind of endearing too....????

This whole part where he was just asking MC questions & worrying about them being hurt. STOP THAT. This is exactly the kind of thing I live for, you're doing on purpose, aren't you??

You are not supposed to care!

I warned you before to stop making me like you...

THAT'S IT. HE'S A KEEPER.

Also do you think that when they say commoners are demons that can't fly... are they saying that demons with wings are the only ones that can be nobles? Or are they saying demons with enough power to fly whether that's with wings or not? Because isn't Barbatos actually like a duke or something? Are you really gonna tell me that guy is a commoner? Even if he does work as a butler... maybe it doesn't count 'cause he can portal himself around?

But also! We know Mephisto is a noble so does this mean his demon form has wings? I thought for sure they were going to go with a tail.

BUT ALSO ALSO do the bros not count? They should all be nobles, but they clearly aren't, but they also aren't commoners? Maybe they're neither 'cause they're fallen angels? And we know three of them have tails, so...? I'M CONFUSED ABOUT HOW THIS WORKS.

Okay, sorry I'm getting off on a bit of a tangent here. There's just so much info that we suddenly got in this lesson about the world! And while I've been wanting more such stuff, I was hoping it would clarify some things not make things more confusing.

So anyway, there's a whole lot of underworld which they've mentioned before but only briefly, so it was cool to get more info on that!

Don't worry, Luci. MC has to travel through time as well as space and I don't think a trip through the underworld is going to cut it. I like it when you compliment Solomon, though.

I don't know how to tell you guys that the idea of Solomon walking through the underworld and laughing about it later makes me insane. So I'm just telling you straight out. I'm insane about it.

Are we still talking about the underworld? Because when I hear "tourist attraction" I tend to think of things like the world's largest ball of twine, not playing chess with Minos, Judge of the Damned.

That whole phone conversation with him was just so good. I know I recently wrote a whole post about him being sus and he still is because it's him, but do not misunderstand me because I love that man. I love his cute little laugh that he always does.

Then again, he's clearly terrible at lying. Good at just not saying stuff maybe, but lying directly? I'm not so sure...

So anyway, Lucifer's gonna be executed, huh? I like how both he and Mephi were like nope Diavolo is gonna fix this. They have such unwavering faith in him, it's precious.

Also, I LOVED THIS ENTIRE PART.

Lucifer saying he knows? He knows, but this is home now for him and his brothers? And then MEPHISTO coming right back with then you should understand why MC wants to go home??

I was not expecting Mephistopheles to understand and be concerned about MC wanting to go home like that. It wasn't something like yeah you should go home you're a human and don't belong here. He didn't say anything like that at all. It was just immediately like you must miss your family. Mephisto confirmed family man!

HARD LESSON: Solomon was being a complete menace. He locked Lucifer's brothers in a room??? What's he gonna make them do!? Eat his cooking?? No, he gives his cooking to people because he loves them and wants to make them happy. So it can't be that. My mind... it goes to dangerous places... why did they have to cut off the lesson without telling us what Solomon's intentions were??

...

I wouldn't mind being locked in that room with them all, though.

Please take this selection of screenshots of him being insufferable with that cute lil smile on his face.

To be fair, he's not wrong... it was pretty funny.

I CAN'T.

Also in the LOCKED LESSON: Barbatos my true love. This whole interaction was amazing. Simeon and Luke are so cute. Diavolo clearly doesn't know Lucifer super well yet and it's so adorable watching him figure it out. And now he's all like Barbatos how can I fix this? And Barb is just like sorry it's too late. LOL he's so strict.

Dadbatos mode activated.

Luke my sweet baby angel, never change!

Diavolo's sad face is so cute, I don't know how Barb ever manages to resist it. I'd just give in to everything he ever wanted all the time. I also love how he is straight up calling Barb mean lol.

They both look so serious. Cut him some slack, Barb!

And lastly, I only wish to leave you with this:

Everybody knows nobody can make tea as good as Barbatos does. Not even Lucifer.

Don't be angry, Luci. You're no Barbatos, but I'm sure your tea is delicious.

[grandline-fics]

Forget-Me-Not

DESCRIPTION: Sometimes things happen beyond our control. After an accident occurs your relationship with Zoro is turned on its head and changed forever.

WARNINGS: nothing too bad in this part

CHARACTERS: Zoro

WORDS: 2,094

A/N: Chapter three is here, this one is a bit slower paced but hopefully you all like how things are progressing. Thank you all for your response to this so far, it means a lot.

*REQUESTS ARE OPEN*

MASTERLIST | PROMPT LIST

Chapter One | Chapter Two | Chapter Three(here) | Chapter Four | Chapter Five | Chapter Six | Chapter Seven(coming soon)

———————

Your plan to escape the ship was easy in theory but slow to even begin to execute. Since you were still heavily injured from the ‘accident’ you needed to rest. So far you could manage getting in and out of bed and walk a little but anything more strenuous than that left you exhausted and sore even with Chopper’s medicine. As much as you were reluctant to compliment a pirate you had to admit the little reindeer knew his stuff and he had helped you considerably. So far since waking on their ship, he was the one you had the most contact with. 

The only other person so far you dealt with was Sanji who brought you your meals. He didn’t speak much beyond a greeting and explaining what was in the food. You knew there was more he wanted to say but he didn’t. While you slowly picked at and ate the food given you would observe Sanji talk happily with Chopper, giving him his meal before leaving again. 

You found it peculiar that the others you could hear moving around the ship were so hesitant to come and try to convince you they were your friends. As you ate with Chopper one afternoon you finally asked him about it. Your question seemed to surprise him but he explained. “Everyone knows how much you hated pirates until you joined us so they’re giving you the space you want. Even though they miss you and want to visit you, they don’t want you to feel crowded.” 

It was convincing, you weren’t going to lie. Whatever these pirates wanted from you, they were doing their best to get you on their side. Still though, to believe you would willingly join a pirate crew was idiotic. You chose not to make any comment to Chopper’s explanation but after a moment you caught him staring at you, clearly wanting to say or ask you something but was deliberating the decision. It amused you to see he was so uncertain around you. “What is it Chopper?”

“Wo-would you…would you want to have some visitors now?” You could hear the eager, hopeful tone in Choppers voice and saw the way his eyes all but sparkled. Who was it specifically he wanted you to talk to you wondered. Or was he hoping to get a break from his obligations to taking care of you? You were curious about the other inhabitants of the ship so you gave Chopper your best tiny shrug and small smile. “Maybe one or two would be okay…” You barely finished the sentence before Chopper excitedly bounced to his feet and hurried out of the room, his speed startling you. 

You had no choice but to wait for Chopper to return and at the sound of footsteps coming from the hallway you glanced up to the door he’d left open during his quick exit. However it wasn’t Chopper that appeared like you were expecting. The green haired man that spoke to you when you woke passed by and at first you thought he was going to keep walking but on seeing the door was open he glanced in out of idle reflex and seeing you he stopped immediately. He turned his head to face you properly but made no further move to enter the room or speak. Instead he watched you carefully. “You coming in?” You asked evenly.

“Do I need to?” He asked, his voice as deep as it had been the day you woke but the concern was gone. He seemed to be on guard and you couldn’t help but tilt your head curiously at the sudden shift in attitude. 

“Didn’t Chopper go get you?” You knew the answer was no from the way his eyebrows furrowed and shoulders tensed. Still you continued to clarify. “I told him I’d let some of you visit me.”

“Even with no memories?” He asked and you scowled at the suspicion in his tone, your jaw clenching when he even went so far as to fold his arms across his chest. His good eye scanned you critically and you bristled. How dare he judge you? He was the pirate here, not you. “Why would you want to be in the same room as the people you hate?” 

“Well according to Chopper we’re all one big happy family and for a moment I wanted to see for myself if that was true.” You drawled sarcastically as you pulled yourself out of the bed and slowly shuffled towards the doorway as you glared up at him. Your actions weren’t any of his business anyway. “So, you going to come in here and fill my head with stories of adventures and friendship that’ll withstand anything?”

“Not with that attitude I’m not.” His answer made your eyes narrow. Before you could grit out a reply, hurried footsteps sounded and you looked into the hallway to see Chopper, a woman with orange hair and a male with black hair and a straw hat appear. The trio came to an abrupt halt when they saw you and their friend, all of their expressions differing from the other as they took in the scene and tension. Finally the green haired man broke the silence. “Enjoy your visits.” He muttered and was about to walk when you seethed, refusing to let him have the final word. 

“I’ve changed my mind.” You snapped, slamming the door sharply and returning to your bed while you listened to the two new strangers shout. 

“Goddamn it Zoro! What did you say?!” The female’s voice came angrily. So his name was Zoro, you thought as you settled against the pillows. 

“Were you annoyed we were going to see them first?” You bit back a scoff and rolled your eyes at the second voice. As if he wanted to be part of the visiting crew, his whole presence told you he didn’t want to see you and that suited you fine. The less pirates you had to see and make nice to the better. “If you say sorry they might change their mind.”

“Just drop it Luffy.” Zoro’s voice spoke clearly but you could hear the tiredness in his tone as his heavy steps grew fainter. “Saying sorry won’t change anything.” You tried to listen for more but he’d gone with the others following him closely. 

—————

In the middle of the night you felt too restless to even try and sleep. Nothing you’d thought of had helped and now you were just frustrated. Giving up you pulled yourself out of bed and followed the hallway until you were on the Sunny’s deck. It’d been a week since your confrontation with Zoro and since then your recovery had progressed at a decent pace that you could now walk further without feeling the strain. In that time each of the Strawhats had come to see you. 

Luffy and Nami got a second attempt the day after the disaster. You found their dynamic amusing but Luffy’s boundless energy and extreme optimism that your memories would definitely return was exhausting. Thankfully Nami’s sterner approach to her Captain helped rein him in when his enthusiasm was clearly getting to be too much for you. Sanji began to stay a little longer between your meals and you found it slightly easier to talk to him since you were more familiar with him just as you were with Chopper. 

Usopp surprised you by telling about his friend back home who was sick often and relied on him for stories to distract her and keep her spirits high. He gave you the same treatment, telling you stories of the ‘great captain Usopp’ all of them over embellished and having nothing to do with you or your connection to the crew. Robin was quieter and for the first couple of visits didn’t speak much, merely bringing a couple books in case you wanted to read while she brought one for herself to pass the time when you weren’t in the mood for conversation. Thankfully she was similar to Usopp, not forcing the conversation of your past or prodding into your lack of memories. 

Franky and Brook unnerved you on your first meetings with them. A cyborg and a talking skeleton were huge things to have to absorb for anyone. You managed to force yourself to push through that adjustment. You kept telling yourself that you wouldn’t have to be dealing with this obscure crew for long. You’d overheard Nami mention an island coming up and that would be your chance at getting home. Your patience would be rewarded, you just had to hold out a little longer. 

For now though, your focus was on your lack of sleep this night. You weren’t in the mood to stay out on the deck so you climbed the extra set of steps and walked into the galley, not surprised to see it empty and quiet. Flicking on the light you approached the cabinets and let out a small laugh to see the prominent lock on the fridge. Chopper had told you Luffy liked to steal food and Sanji had taken precautions to keep him away. Since you weren’t exactly hungry and didn’t know the code, you turned and flicked the light off again. You were about to leave when you heard two voices coming from the mast leading to the Crow’s Nest. 

“You’re an even bigger dumbass than I originally thought, you know that?” It surprised you to hear Sanji speak so coldly. “What are you trying to prove by being the only person to not see them.”

“Keep you stupid face out of my business and stick to what you do know.” Ah that explained it, Zoro was the reason. 

“Look we’re not stupid…well most of us aren’t stupid.” Sanji growled out as though his less aggressive tone was causing him harm. He was desperately trying to get his rival to see sense but it was next to impossible. “We know they don’t know us anymore and it’s hard but we’re all still trying. Just because it’s not the same doesn’t mean we just throw it all away. Not when it’s possible we can create a friendship with them again.”

“Well if you want to try that then you go right ahead.” Zoro’s tone was sharp and dismissive. “The first chance they get, they’ll be gone. If they’d half their strength back they would have already tried to steal the Mini Merry by now.”

“I’m not disagreeing but can’t you at least-”

“Look I’ve said it before and I’m saying it again. Back off and leave me to deal with things on my own.” With nothing more to say Zoro stalked away to his room while Sanji let out a sigh and climbed the Crow’s Nest to start his watch.

Thankfully you managed to make it back to the medical quarters while Sanji’s back was turned to you. Silently you processed the conversation you’d unintentionally listened in on. There was no denying the sincerity and insistence in Sanji’s voice as he tried to convince Zoro to not distance himself. Zoro’s cold demeanour was something you couldn’t really decipher because you knew nothing about him. You knew nothing of these people apart from what they allowed you to see in your brief interactions. Sharply you sighed and sat on your bed, this wasn’t the plan. Trying to work out these people was a complication. Over and over you told yourself that home and only the home you remembered was your goal. 

You were certain you wouldn’t get any sleep now so you reached over and turned on your bedside lamp and looked at the small pile of books that had gathered. According to Robin these were your current favourites or at least they were before the knowledge of them were erased. Your eyes were drawn to one near the bottom. Its cracked spine showed it had been reread countless times so you reached out and lifted it. 

Blankly you studied the cover, not surprised but still disappointed that it gave you no emotional response, no familiarity or fondness to be holding it again. As you settled back in your bed you opened the book to the first page but your movement made something appear between the pages towards the end of the book. A small card had been used as a bookmark and curiously you pulled it out to inspect it. It was for your birthday and your eyes locked in on the short message beneath your name. “Love always, Zoro.”

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[redd956]

Cool (sorry, I don’t know how to start messages lol). I will say that it’s fairly long and might be a bit complicated and confusing so I apologize in advance; I can clear up anything in a comment if need be. Anyways, with that said:

Regarding worldbuilding creatures or animals (flora and fauna), how do you decide what features/inspirations you use when building specific creatures (from terrestrial to underwater to space to underground to all the Pokémon types (that’s a joke but you hopefully get the idea))?

Or more specifically (or not), how do you mix features that seemingly wouldn’t work together in a way that’s complimentary to the creature at hand? How many features would be considered too many (ex giving a single animal like 20 different feature and basically making them a demigod)? Too little (probably not applicable but idk)? How do you decide what features would go on a specific creature? Is it up to the world builder or would it biologically have to at least make sense (probably the former but still leaving it because why not?)?

Not sure if I’m making sense (it’s quite late and words are losing coherency in my brain), but I ask this because, for some context, I have a creature that I’m creating that, background wise, is a genetically modified living weapon comprised of several different homemade (???) creatures I have in my world. However, the scientists/creators didn’t account for different features fighting/not working as intended (for example, the creatures inherited acidic saliva but not the resistance to it which essentially lead to their mouths dissolving from their own saliva) as well as there being what is essentially several different creatures all mashed into one body fighting for dominance but on a genetic level.

I do apologize if this question doesn’t make sense (kinda looking like nonsense to me as well. Translating thoughts into coherent words is hard), I’m still in the process of making the reference sheet for it and also just in general trying to figure out the thoughts of the concept and again I can clarify in a comment, but how would this affect the creature I’m building? What things should I consider?

I hope this isn’t somehow annoying or strange/weirdly specific question so feel free to ignore/take your time with it. Hope you’re having a good day/night, are taking care of yourself, staying hydrated and all that jazz :]

-idk (also will just say this now before I forget, I am @idkanonymystuff . Just for future reference and also context I guess? Idk)

(Also, on a bit of a random note, I have a video that I think is very helpful/informative/cool about a worldbuilding process. I don’t know if you know it but I could share it, if that’s alright with you. Also I think it’d be epic if you made a yt channel. You have a lot of good worldbuilding knowledge and prompts)

I understand you completely

Creature Features

One thing I try to think about when designing creatures/monsters is the evolutionary reasons for certain features. Most animals have evolved to have features assists with mating, hunting, hiding, defending, or communicating. The more intelligent a creature the more likely they are have features that allow them to use tools.

The environment is another good thing to factor in. Think about how creatures differ depending whether they live in a desert or arctic environment. For instance arctic predator animals have innate hearing to pinpoint creatures underneath the snow based off of sound. Insects in sandy environments learn to burrow and make dens/colonies in the sand.

Sometimes though I add some features simply because I think it would be cool.

Balancing Monster/Creature Abilities

There's many different techniques to keep a creature design balanced. There's some considerations I try to remember, mostly based off of what I'm using the design for outside of base worldbuilding.

Making Sense

For your exact circumstances dear asker, this part doesn't really need to be taken by heart, but for others getting into creature design try to make it make sense.

Abilities, appearance, and/or even size all have evolutionary reasons to exists (unless genetically altered, looking at you killer bees). Whether a creature have camouflage to hunt or hide, or a venomous bite to easily digest prey, or large claws to dig dens; there's more reason then just cool-factor.

Take for instance Cats. They're overpowered. The domestic cat is one of the most prolific predator animals on the planet, and their widespread populations prove it, for cats are very much responsible for dwindling species of all kinds.

They have night vision, but are colorblind. They can leap up to 8 ft (240 cm) high, and typically land on their feet, except for when landing a short distance because they don't have time to calibrate for their fall. Their tails allow for their excellent balance, but provide a target from "bigger fish". They have sharp fangs and tough claws, both modeled in such a way that they can use bacteria to infect enemy cats after fights. That's why cat scratches always puff up.

But the cat isn't perfect. They're at a disadvantage against airborne threats. They are quiet and intelligent, but have little self control. Just like you and me they are vulnerable to genetic disorders, illness, and more. Their thin skin allows for easy lacerations against them, and their small size makes a plethora of large creatures equal competition.

All of these features of a cat are insane stand alone, but we are so familiar with such an animal and the evolutionary reasons for these features that it doesn't occur to us.

Monster Versus Characters

Your creature exists in a world, often times with other people or intelligent creatures in it. The longer it has been around the more others would know about it. In a militaristic sci-fi this looks like squads of teams dedicated to eradicating certain alien threats. In an Elvish setting maybe it's a warning that an ancient scholar details.

Think about how the people around your creature interact with it. Maybe they've played a role in the feature it has developed through selectively breeding, pollution, over-hunting/fishing, or just straight up evolution.

This is also fun to think about character-wise for a monster character, as we get to learn a lot about them through how the world views them (and how they react to such a view).

Story Role

Sometimes powerful creatures and monsters serve a major worldbuilding-storytelling purpose, like an assumed god or local legend. They serve a role in maintaining an ecosystem maybe, from a powerful predator to a dragon meant to cull humans and keep them in-check.

The roles a creature can play can be just as interesting. Their power doesn't have to continue come from their ability, but their intelligence or connections too.

Weaknesses & Flaws

Weaknesses and flaws can equally make a creature design interesting. They allow lots of room for balance, and are important to characters in general. There's many different places to pull from for potential ideas for weaknesses. Some could originate from the environment that the creature is used to, such as a fluffy arctic animal would have a hard time under the blaring sun of the desert.

Other weaknesses could come with advantages of different features, such as a blind animal with innate hearing.

Some can be simple and severe, such as a giant gem on the back for a strike point of weakness. There can also be weaknesses to certain elements, magic, minerals, or even weapon types.

Gameplay Interests

When designing a monster or creature with the specific intent for players to go up against it in either a video game or ttrpg, it's important to make the monster "defeatable" in some sort of way. This doesn't mean that the monster needs to be in killable health, but perhaps has mechanics that allow it to be blindsighted or bartered with.

Take for interests the various monsters in Lethal Company. Not all of them are solved simply with death by shovel. There is many other ways to avoid some, and get the job done.

Blending in w/the established world

To make my creatures or monsters blend in I pull from the world around them, using already established rules or grounds.

Examples

Apex predator/large member of an environment's food chain

Matches the establish tech/magic system

There's general knowledge or worldbuild mystery surrounding the creature

Making it interact with existing forces, like a certain mineral, symbiotic species, specific plant

Maybe if it's poisonous it uses an already established poison

Design alone plays a major role. It wouldn't make a lot of sense in most contexts for a super alien-looking outerspace style creature to inhabit a dry forest, without explanation (invasive alien species perhaps) or similar forces at play (sci-fi space theme).

Take advantage of the freedom of worldbuilding

You don't have to be sold on a design immediately. Allow yourself to experiment, dabble with designs, ridiculous concepts. Really in worldbuilding there is no exact rules.

Many major series have lots of initially wacky worldbuilding ideas and they pull them off amazingly, like Minecraft or Dungeons & Dragons.

Just make sure you're still having fun, and not turning each design into a laborious process.

[fragmentedblade]

Can you expand more on Ratio's philosophical influences? You seem super knowledgeable!

I've been sitting on this for some time because I didn't know what prompted this message and thus I didn't know what to answer and how. I guess it may be the comment I wrote about him having a socratic but also a sophist air?

There are a lot of details in Ratio's overall design that point towards philosophical references. I want to draw attention to the fact that since this is a vague message on anon I don't really know what to focus on or what could I skip because it's information already known, so what I'm going to say is a very brief summary of many ideas, which of course makes such ideas but the shadow of an echo of themselves, so faint they almost become untrue. I fervently advise to look more deeply into any of this if something catches anyone's interest. And I also want to point out that the problem of knowing a little bit of something, even its existence, is that seeing turns to seeking, and an excess of seeing is also a blindness; what I mean by this is that I'm not sure how much of what I am going to say was intentional by the developers/writers and how much is just me suffering the blindness of seeing too much haha

However, I also want to clarify that I do think many of the things I’m going to say are present even if perhaps not intended by the writers/designers. This is due to the fact that Ratio’s main influence is platonism, and platonism is everywhere in western philosophy and in general western culture; once you see it you cannot unsee it. So perhaps I am reading too much or making correlations between things in his design that were not meant to be linked, giving a depth to the character that is probably incidental, but that I would say nonetheless exists because it pertains to a certain philosophical tradition in which the elements stem from each other. I hope this will become clearer in its development if it isn’t right now. 

Ratio has an Apollonian air. At first that and his mask made me wonder if he was going to be linked to the Mourning Actors, who alongside the Masked Fools for now remind me a lot of the Nietzschean Apollonian and Dyonisian dichotomy. This was conjecture on my side so I won't go on about this on this ask.

Ratio retains however the Apollo air. When I saw his splash art he reminded me instantly of the Belvedere Apollo, down to the strap under his chest like the sculpture has the quiver's strap. His sixth eidolon too recalls that sculpture, since it seems to be a mix of the pose in Michelangelo's David with the cloth in the Belvedere Apollo. Among other things, Apollo is a god linked to truth, medicine, archery and divination. The owl seems to be a reference to Athena, though. 

Ratio also has the laurel or bay branch on his head, which is one of Apollo's traits. Laurel on someone's head became linked to victory as well as academic and artistic merit (I know in Italy people still use it when graduating, for instance; I mean, that's where the word comes from). The fact that he has half of it is most likely due to an aesthetic choice, especially given how the character designs are pointedly asymmetric in this game; however, I think it works well with how, no matter how much he achieves and how hard he tries, Ratio is never gazed upon by Nous nor accepted by the Genius Society with the frustration, bitterness and questioning that brings both himself and others.

This last point, being ignored by something akin to a divinity, works also with his Apollonian air, I'd say. Given his Apollo look, his snake-like pupils made me think instantly of Delphi. Delphi was where a temple to Apollo was (linked to a mythological snake, and snakes thus became associated with Apollo in imagery), and it was famous for its prophecies. Socrates (the master of Plato and main figure in his dialogues) is said to have started the habit of questioning he is mostly famous for because a friend of his went to the temple in Delphi and was told by the Oracle that the wisest man in Athens was Socrates. Socrates was perplexed by this because he knew nothing, and started posing questions to supposedly erudite people about the matters about which they were experts, only to come out of that feeling unsatisfied with the answers. Thus, Socrates thought the Oracle may be right after all, but he was only the wisest man because he at least knew that he knew nothing. 

This works very well with Ratio because Socrates starts the journey by being distinguished among his peers, gazed upon, by a god (Apollo was supposed to possess the Pythia, or at the very least the prophetic power came from him), while Ratio never gets that recognition, and seems resigned to that already ("If this day I have not gained the recognition of Nous, it stands to reason that I never will at any point in the future" and "One day, I received a letter from the Interastral Peace Corporation (...). I could tell the solemnity of the invitation, so I excitedly passed it on to Mr. Ratio. Yet, he said nothing. I could sense his heavy silence even through the headgear. He then politely asked me to leave. The moment I closed the door, I heard a grim sigh followed by a self-deprecating laughter... Perhaps he realized he would never be accepted into the Genius Society..."). The mix of arrogance and humbleness, although enhanced in Ratio in a comical degree, is already somewhat present I would argue in the way Socrates talks in Plato's dialogues. Arrogance was also a trait Heraclitus, the author of the line cited in the name of his banner (“Panta rhei”), was famous to have.

So Ratio takes the position at the IPC. The Intelligentsia Guild is "often seen as a vendor of knowledge", and is looked down upon by the Genius Society. This is where I think the philosopher/sophist dichotomy comes in. Sophists were teachers, and were paid. They also were known to use rhetoric to convince (I would say there's a reference to this in one of Ratio's daily messages). In the political landscape of Athens, they were very useful for young men interested in politics. Some sophists became quite rich and famous. Usually philosophers, who didn't receive any money and did everything for the "love of knowledge" itself, looked down on them. At least in the texts of Plato that's often the case, although some sophists are portrayed under a better light even there; btw many of the things I've been saying come from Plato, but since this is an intricate subject on its own that isn’t directly pertinent to the ask I won't dwell on it right now.

Education in ancient Greece consisted of both intellectual and physical training. Intellectual education included music, poetry, mathematics, astronomy,... Physical fitness was held as something very important in a young man's curriculum as well. I think this is where the fanservicey choice of making Ratio so fit and pretty comes from. And I say “pretty” because beauty too is an important concept for Plato, and ancient Greece in general. It is also part of what linked the need of a young man to develop himself both intellectually and physically. Beauty is linked to harmony and order, both on an individual basis and cosmologically, often in some philosophical trends to a mathematical level; pythagoreanism has a lot of this.

Indeed I think pythagoreanism has to do somewhat with Ratio's design, considering his link to mathematics and geometry, and given his name ("Ratio" made me think of the golden ratio and in general pythagorean ratios even before it made me think of "reason" tbh), but in general the main philosophical reference in Ratio seems to be Plato, who was influenced greatly by pythagoreanism; this is one of the perhaps unintended indirect yet present links I mentioned at the beginning.

Platonism is very present in many ways in Ratio. It's noticeable even in his visual design, with how buff and handsome he is, arguably the references to Apollo and Athena, the geometry imagery, and even the sculptures he creates with his technique, but the influence is seen throughout his entire character, story, dialogue lines,... Part IV of Ratio’s character story, the way he talks with Roseth and what he says, has in my opinion an echo of platonic dialogues, as does his line “To spread knowledge, we must first make people realize their folly” recall Socrates. In the Trailblaze mission the main character had to argue for their innocence, which to me brought to mind the Apology of Socrates. On the other hand, the way this was done was very reminiscent of the socratic method, both in the discussion and counterargument mechanic of the game as, and especially so, in the use of memory. The main character had already the knowledge they seeked, yet they had forgotten about it, and had to retrieve it through memory guided by the intense questioning of Ratio; this, if applied to the research of a more essential knowledge instead of circumstantial, is the core of Socrates' maieutics. Maieutics is "midwifery". Socrates called by that word his method because he thought he was helping give birth to truths or knowledge that were already present in people's minds, if forgotten. It's what Ratio's skill, "intellectual midwifery", references. 

The fact that Socrates' method, the "intellectual midwifery" to put it in in HSR terms, works in platonic philosophy is because it is taken that there are eternal truths, something Ratio believes as well (“The beauty of truth is that it never changes, even when no one understands it. Well, that's true for me, at least”). This has to do with what is called the theory of Forms or the theory of Ideas. The world that we see is but the shadow of that other conceptual abstract world, of which we have but forgotten memories and that we can access only with the mind's eye. Our soul once saw/was part of that other world, which is why it can remember it. Plato was influenced by the pythagorean view of a sort of journey or reincarnation of the soul after dying, to put it some way. This is also extensive, it has to do with orphism, is at the core of a lot of philosophical and theological western traditions, and thus I will say only this, even though it feels very close-to-fake simplistic haha. To summarise, there’s the other abstract perfect world of which everything in this world participates from and is but the shadow of (everything beautiful participates on the Idea of Beauty, eternal and inextinguishable, but it’s never as perfect as that Idea, only but its echo). The idea that the world is but the shadow of the other world is present in Ratio's English line when he is ko-ed, "Mere flesh…" (in Chinese, though, if I’ve understood correctly he says “«Mediocre»… hah”, which is very different if still lore-heavy). This of course implies a strong ontological dualism. 

In this sense it is extremely interesting to me that Ratio’s banner is named “Panta rhei”, because Heraclitus is the epitome of the defender that all things were in constant change yet all things are One, the process of “becoming”, the constant struggle, at the core itself of reality (this too is harmony). He was pointedly monist, and is often contrasted to Parmenides, who spoke of eternal unchanging truths and beings. Both are cornerstones in the development of western philosophy and influenced Plato, but the choice calls my attention. In the Japanese wiki the line was linked/took to the buddhist concept of impermanence; while not necessarily related to that, this wiki suggestion made me wonder whether the choice of making “Panta rhei” the name of Ratio’s banner was done to further enhance another aspect of the many parallels between him and Ruan Mei, who also talks about life as something seemingly diverse and changing, hopes to obtain permanence, and talks about a something that transcends the multiple faces of life and that unifies them all (“Life is countless and varied in form. I firmly believe in that. Its beauty is like a myriad of flowers, and I want to pluck the one that never wilts”; “I wish to discover "the true essence of life," something that all individuals possess unknowingly, whether it is the materialism of their existence or an unknown entity beyond corporeal realms”; “The core of all existence is unity”). Even beyond that, in the context of everything else Ratio has going on, the mention of Heraclitus brings very intriguing food for thought to the table; yet I think this may be another instance of things that are, yet were most likely not meant by the writers.

Moving on, I’ll give a quick comment on the more explicit philosophical references we can find in Ratio’s traces, attacks and voicelines, and will dwell a bit only when I think they work well with the subjects and concepts I already commented Ratio plays with, otherwise this response will be eternal.

Summation (trace): in Chinese this is more clearly linked to the inductive reasoning, which in context it is obvious this is what this trace references; I don’t know why they chose to translate it this way. It is a method of reasoning that comes from the observation of particularities to generalisation, hence “summation”. It works well with Ratio causing more damage per debuff, and with the references to empiricism in Ratio’s attacks. The consequences in inductive reasoning are not truly ensured by the premises (the typical example is how you can’t ensure that all ravens are black by as many black ravens as you observe). 

Inference (trace): this baffled me because again it is more clear in Chinese that this is referencing deductive reasoning, but every language translates “inference”, whereas in the “deduction” trace the characters are exactly the same as the ones in the Chinese wiki for “inference”, but every language translates “deduction”. I don’t know what’s happening here, I wish I knew Chinese and found this less confusing, but at least both words are present in his traces. Deductive reasoning is the one that goes from premises to conclusion. It is heavily linked to logic and it doesn’t necessarily require empiric knowledge.

Deduction (trace): this is what is called “inference” apparently in Chinese (if someone knows about this I would love to know what is happening in Chinese in these two traces). Inferences are, well, the process of reaching conclusions. It can be either through deduction or induction (or abduction, some would argue, but that’s another can of worms).

Mind is might (basic attack): in latin this is “scientia potentia est”, and while at this point the line is very detached from its context, initially it was linked to Bacon and Hobbes. I honestly think this is just a very convenient name for an attack of a character following a philosophy/sciences/knowledge thematic.

Intellectual midwifery (skill): Socrates, and platonism. I talked about this before.

Syllogistic paradox (ultimate): Syllogistic paradoxes were one of my favourite things when I was studying. Syllogisms are a form of logic reasoning, which consist of two premises and one conclusion. Though the premises may be true, and though the reasoning may be sensible, at times contradictory or illogical conclusions may be reached. This is a syllogistic paradox. Why this happens is because of a myriad of reasons, like the differences between natural and logical language, or the development of theories (the paradoxes in set theory are among my favourite things ever). I personally like to draw a strong distinction between paradoxes and contradictions. Anyway, I have a lot to say about this haha In general, this is what the name of the ultimate is referencing. It works well with Ratio’s traces. It also goes well with some of the other subjects present in his characterisation, like platonism, Descartes and such; there are a lot of paradoxes that arise from many of the theories that play with such topics. I think reading Alice in Wonderland’s apparent madness through the lenses of logic makes us see that most of those incongruences are actually pretty logical; many of them iirc are syllogistic paradoxes. Carroll was a logician. I mention this because this, as well as many other ideas present in Ratio, work extremely well with Penacony.

Cogito, ergo sum (talent): this is a line by Descartes, a rationalist. This too is something that fits Penacony incredibly well. Descartes starts doubting knowledge, ends up questioning pretty much everything, establishes inspired by mathematics and logic a method of acquiring the truth, and in the research of true knowledge he starts doubting everything with a methodical doubt to be able to tell what knowledge stands after being hit by doubt, and why, and try to reconstruct knowledge from there. Ratio’s lines about “seeking answers with a negative hypothesis in mind”, “When one is immersed in academic research, scepticism comes more naturally than belief” or “Pursuit tinged with negativity is still pursuit, and it is capable of leading us to the right conclusion” reminded me of Descartes’ method. One of the steps in the process is doubting one’s own existence, but since I (pardon the “I”, but the first person is very important in Descartes) doubt, then I think, and since I think, then I exist; cogito, ergo sum. This is closely related to platonism in some senses, and while Descartes’ philosophy comes in part from a criticism of scholasticism, it still has ties to it, but Descartes was a massive breakthrough in the history of Philosophy. I also won't dwell on this, but this is fascinating imo haha 

Anyway, Descartes’ doubt about the existence of reality, of the world, is heavily linked to dreams, because in dreams we believe things are real but are not, so equally we could be at every moment in a dream and not be aware of that; only the existence of oneself is clear of this doubt (Zhuangzi’s text about the butterfly plays with this too; I comment this because butterflies have appeared in Penacony and the Zhuangzi’s text seems to play in an interesting way with the concept of “I”, taking it a different route than Descartes, which is a very intriguing idea but I don’t know much of Chinese philosophy at all). The concept of simulated realities, Matrix-like settings and such, all are strongly linked to this conception of Descartes, even though similar things existed previously (such as Plato’s allegory of the cave), and this works very well with Penacony again. Obviously, Descartes’ theory is strongly dualist, and it’s even established a body-mind dualism. The idea of the ghost in the shell also comes in great part from Descartes. Descartes’ view of the body was not too unlike that of a machine. 

This was in a time in which clockwork and automatons were quickly advancing and fascinating people. Physic theories started to look (even more) like clockwork, with the universe as clockwork and god as a watchmaker that put it into place and then let it run its perfect course, needing or not (depending on the theory) adjustments from the watchmaker from time to time. I said before that harmony was linked to both the cosmos and the body, with the body in part being a reflection of the cosmos, and even linked to it by the harmony of the spheres. This new way of approaching the cosmological and human issues and developing Physics still has echoes of that. Newton, who is referenced in one of Ratio’s idle animations, is one of the epitomes of this concept of the universe as clockwork. Again, I don’t know how much they’ll do with these ideas nor even if they were written on purpose, but it all works so well with Penacony it would be a pity if they did nothing with this.

Another thing I want to note about Descartes is that besides mentally detaching himself from everything while doubting in his deconstruction and construction of knowledge, seeking undoubtable truths, he famously did so physically as well for some time when he first started thinking about the matters in his Discourse on the Method one night: “having no diverting company and fortunately also no cares or emotional turmoil to trouble me”, while he “spent the whole day shut up in a small room heated by a stove, in which I could converse with my own thoughts at leisure”. This reminded me a lot of Ratio’s head and how he uses it: “with the headpiece on, isolated from my five senses, i can think without interference”, “he put on a headgear to keep away all external distractions and completely focus on thinking? Who else in the world could manage that?”.

Mold of idolatry (technique): this links mainly again to the theory of Forms of Plato, with that representation of something else that is what is real. The name of the technique and what it does works well also with the idea of idolatry, especially of idolatry of false gods, idols or even falsehood in general, and how Ratio criticises people’s blind infatuation with geniuses. It also reminds me of Nietzsche’s Twilight of the Idols, or, How to Philosophise with a Hammer. Among other things, Nietzsche heavily criticises platonism and platonic philosophy, and mostly all western philosophers (he has kind words for Heraclitus, for instance). 

Wiseman’s folly (ultimate’s effect): the idea that knowledge or beholding the truth brings to something similar to madness or ends up leading to foolishness is a very common one. Many of the Ancient Greece philosophers were said to have been extravagant. Diogenes the Cynic and Heraclitus were two such examples. Democritus was said to have plucked out his own eyes. Empedocles is said to have killed himself in a volcano. There’s Nietzsche, Georg Cantor, Kurt Gödel. It is the idea of the wise ending up being very much like the fool, but also the idea of the wise ending up losing sight of basic truths I believe, in that alienation from the world.

Know thyself (eidolon): this is what was inscribed in the temple of Apollo in Delphi I spoke of before. This is linked to Heraclitus, Socrates, Plato and platonism, of course. I think when it comes to Ratio that’s it, really. But this maxime has had a lot of implications and interpretations in different contexts and at different times. It could be seen as just a salutation, recommending temperance, the idea of knowing oneself and one’s limitations as key to succeed when approaching subjects or problems, the first step of getting to know anything at all, humans and the world being closely linked and even reflection of god so studying one helps studying the other, etc.

Vincit Omnia Veritas (eidolon): the translator says this means “eternal truth” in Chinese, which would play way better with the philosophical ideas and concepts present in Ratio while still playing with his name, “Veritas”. I won’t dwell on this because I’ve already talked about the link between eternal truths and Ratio a lot, and besides I can’t even confirm this is the true meaning because I don’t know Chinese.

Eidolon “The divine is in the details” seems to be a reference to a Chinese idiom that comes from a book. I don’t know if it has greater significance, but if anyone knows I am all ears. The other eidolons obviously work with Ratio, but I don’t see obvious philosophical influences so I’m skipping them.

Esse est percipi (ultimate line): “To be is to be perceived”. This is a line by Berkeley and linked to his philosophy. He criticises both dualism and materialism. The core idea is that the world’s existence is entirely dependent on the mind, that things don’t exist unless they are perceived and thought. His justification for one’s own existence seems to come from this perception, as Descartes’ came from thinking: “I do nevertheless know that I, who am a spirit or thinking substance, exist as certainly as I know my ideas exist”. Parmenides has a similar idea in his poem. I don’t think this was intended to be read too much into when it comes to Ratio, but I think it fits nicely with the other topics he has going on, and the dichotomy they often entail. It also works well with Ratio’s plaster head, with how he says “I don't have to set eyes on stupid people. Of course, they don't want to see me either”, with how he uses it to go unnoticed or unrecognised in both Herta’s Space Station and Penacony, and I think it could be overread or taken to more exaggerated levels in a juicy manner reading this under the notion of nothingness, mediocrity and being disregarded by Nous. 

One of the listed researched achievements of Ratio is in the field of epistemology. Epistemology is the field that studies knowledge. Although studied in particular at times, it is of course often linked to ontological conceptions; all the philosophical theories I’ve stated carry with them epistemological implications as well as ontological. In one of Ratio’s character stories there’s a mention to epistemic logic which is, speaking broadly, a logical approach to the analysis of knowledge. 

Another one of his listed achievements is in natural theology, which is the study of god through reason and logic instead of things such as transcendental experiences or revelations. This is very common in philosophy in general. It often has to do as well with the world as a harmonious whole, god as watchmaker/the universe as clockwork, and teleology. I will mention Newton and Darwin here because Newton is referenced in Ratio’s idle animation, and Darwin because he broke up with the teleological tradition when it came to the world. Ratio’s work is named Aeons: A Natural Phenomenon, and the title and its description, how its “Aeon non-theism”, makes it seem to me like he wrote of Aeons as if they were just another form of life or something that pertains to nature itself and not detached from it, which although very different from Darwin’s ideas did remind me of how he dismissed teleology in nature. This also clearly links, in my opinion, to Ruan Mei.

Other than that I also want to note Ratio’s final speech to Screwllum about inspiring doubt and scepticism when it comes to established ideas and geniuses. It reminded me of Socrates, how he was said to have “perverted” youth inspiring all that questioning among other things. It reminded me of Nietzsche, how he fervently encouraged individuals to use critical thinking, question dogmas and preconceived ideas they could have, and come up with their own conclusions that does not mean necessarily negating absolutely everything they held true before the questioning (this exchange between Screwllum and Ratio: “Screwllum:  «You wish to uproot the researchers' blind worship of geniuses».  Dr. Ratio: «I am only laying out my questions».”). It also pointedly reminded me of Kant's “Sapere aude!”, “Dare to know!”,  and his text What Is Enlightenment?, in which among other things Kant talks about the lack of courage, not of intellect, of people to think for themselves, how humanity lives in a constant immaturity or adolescence of the mind, and urges them to get out of that state, to dare to know. Kant was greatly influenced by rationalism but said to have awaken from the rationalist slumber thanks to empiricism; the plays on rationalism and empiricism, deduction and induction, and the presence of idealism in the rest of Ratio’s writing as well as this fervent push for people to snap out of their lack of criticism and dare to think for themselves are what made me think of Kant here.

There’s more things to talk about Ratio, like his view on mediocrity and geniuses, and how that view is constructed and described in traces through fragments in his lore, the character stories, snippets of conversations; how he seems to be so similar in character and drive to geniuses, but never accepted as one, and how he is regarded as very different and eccentric by “normal” people, even in the Guild. In short, how he is detached from both the “normal” people and geniuses, like suspended between both states without being either completely, and how it makes so much sense in this context that he tries to breach the rift between both. I couldn’t help but mention this, to avoid forgetting this aspect of his characterisation in the future, but I won’t dwell on this because it isn’t really directly linked to any philosophical influence that I can think of.

I think this is it. Hopefully I didn’t forget anything important. And I’m sorry it is so long, but I really tried to summarise. As I said, I may well be reading too much into some of these things, but I also think that since Ratio plays with many of the core authors and concepts in the history of western philosophy, some things I expect were not intended by the writers still are present somewhat, because mentioning this or that thing alongside this or that other thing ends up having implications if you know a bit of the context. 

I hope this was clear enough. However, I can try to explain myself better or further if I wasn’t. Philosophy may look unapproachable and dry at times at first, but it really isn't, it just needs one to get accustomed to some basic terminology, and it becomes fascinating and beautiful, and lifechanging haha. I would love it if Ratio is making people get a little bit more invested or interested in it, or open to explore it. The Stanford Encyclopedia of Philosophy is a good place to check the main ideas, texts and authors that may spike someone’s interest if anyone wants to read further about anything I've said or compare sources, but tbh I think even Wikipedia can be useful with getting a first feel of some basic ideas to know what to look for.  And although I am not an authority or the most trustworthy source at all, I will help as best as I can if someone reading this has any further question. I recommend reading the texts firsthand though, with historical context in mind and footnotes perhaps if possible, and making one's own mind about everything.

[monokuma-apologist]

In “Defense” Of (Liking) Teruteru (and why I’ve got a gripe with the anime)

!! MAJOR SPOILERS AHEAD FOR “DANGANRONPA 2” AND “THE END OF HOPE’S PEAK ACADEMY” !!

As the blog name suggests, I love Teruteru. I’m his number one fan. I don’t support a single thing he does, but I think he’s a lot more than the flanderized “horny goblin” he’s made out to be.

To get something out of the way: though I do find myself getting attached to the stupid, simpy-horny-freaks that anime has to offer (as abhorrent as Mineta is, my love for him is unparalleled), I don’t support their actions or behavior. However, I’ll admit that I do find myself laughing at their jokes / moments. I think this trope works fine because the butt of the joke is almost always the pervert in question. As well as this, I would like these characters a lot less if any of the other characters seemed genuinely upset or traumatized by their behavior- but no, especially in Teruteru’s case, the general attitude is just that of annoyance. They think he’s a nuisance, but they don’t see him as an actual threat, and he has enough personality that the cast is still believably upset when he’s executed.

I also think the character in question being physically small is important. It makes it very visually clear that the “goblin” in question is powerless and nothing to actually be taken seriously (in this fictional scenario- IRL, let’s be real, a pervert’s a pervert).

But as far as why I like Teruteru himself: though it started just because I find it funny to “collect” horny little goblin characters, I like much more of him than that.

First of all, though many others don’t, I like his voice and design! I think he looks visually appealing from a character standpoint, even if he doesn’t completely fit in with the other characters (this is especially agregious in the anime, largely because I think they made him a bit bigger than he was in the game? Not weight-wise, more like they used photoshop, grabbed the corner, and scaled him up)

His pre-execution moments are genuinely heartbreaking / compelling, as is his motive. Though there are many instances of desperation and self-sacrifice as far as muddies in Danganropa, as of the first and second games we rarely get something as heart-wrenching as Teruteru’s. He’s helping take care of his sickly mother, and enrolls at Hope’s Peak in hopes of being able to save the family diner. He’s desperate to convince himself that everything is okay, and that his mother is alive and well- and kills to see her again / protect the rest of the group (he at least CLAIMS to have committed the murder in an attempt to protect the rest of the gang. He did genuinely care about them, to some degree.)

Teruteru also has an endearing sort of cockiness to him- what with his insistence at being called a chef and his indignance at anyone insulting his cooking (or implying it to be anything less than perfect).

Though this is more headcanon territory, I also think we see at least slight implications that he could actually be a little insecure:

-hiding his accent

-constant advances on others (potentially to appear more confident? Avoid judgement? Uncertain)

-insisting on being called a “chef” instead of a “cook”

-frequent hair combing

These are just headcanons, but needless to say he’s got more to him than his trope.

He’s endearingly cocky, he cares about his family, he doesn’t take any of the rejection he gets personally (even if he maybe should take it to heart and…yunno…stop), he’s good at what he does-

And because of this, I don’t like how he’s characterized in the anime. To clarify- I still enjoy watching the Despair Arc of the anime, because even if I dislike the handling of certain characters it’s very very enjoyable to see them animated and interacting. Same goes for Teruteru-

But….uh….

Remember how I said that a big part of why he works is his obvious inability to actually do anything? And his…general lack of actual actions to back up his flirtatious remarks? He’s a creep, but a creep with standards of some sort.

That goes out the window in the anime, where he has literal drugs with him to get people going. Though some people seem to overlook the fact that aside from the one he gave to Akane (something she wasn’t upset by, anyways, although Akane is dumb [love you Akane]), the other substances were used without his permission or without listening to him. This doesn’t defend him HAVING these things, don’t get me wrong- but still. We see him actually threaten Hiyoko, actually have items that could endanger other students- and we don’t even get to see his more likable traits? And to me, this doesn’t seem like something he’d do in the game.

In the game, his primary traits are- of course- “horny” and “cook”. But he’s also cocky, frightened, “charming” (heavy quotes), and very caring to those close to him- whereas in the anime, it’s just “horny” and “cook”. I don’t know. :/

In the anime he’s portrayed as an actual threat. As well as this, in the game we never see him get angry until his trial where he’s accused of murder. Even if he’s a creep in any other instance, he never seems to think he’s entitled to anything? And he’s generally chipper, too. Despite his creepy personality, he’s surprisingly endearing / likable. In the game he comes across as mischievous, and in the anime he comes across as threatening- and maybe that’s a bias on my end? But still. If the same thing happened in the GAME- somebody using something he had without his permission- I feel like he’d get indignant and maybe a bit snarky, not as furious and genuinely dangerous as he seems in the anime.

TLDR: There are plenty of reasons to like Teruteru! The anime does not give us any of those. I think the “The End of Hope’s Peak Academy” anime kind of butchered (no pun intended) his character. Or at least heavily flanderized it (as it did with most of the Despairs).

Sorry this is a bit messy! This is entirely my opinion, and is more of a proofread braindump than a well structured essay~

[pippin-katz]

I understand being upset that Mary & George is about filthy sex vs. RWRB but also... As a queer person, straight people have shows like GoT which are mostly filthy hetero sex so we can have the same.

People had sex for power throughout history, that's just how it is. And George was mentioned in the RWRB novel by Henry specifically so to have Nick portray him in this show is pretty cool.

You misunderstand me.

I have absolutely no qualms about Mary & George being the show that it is. I have no problem with it being raunchy and sex-filled. I'm entirely for variety of content and genres for all groups of people.

What I was pointing out is that this show is truly getting attention. There's interviewers, articles, social media posts, etc. that are all buzzing about it. It's not just a niche group of book fans that are anxiously awaiting the adaptation. There is a lot of hype, and one of the first things everyone mentions when discussing this show is the sex.

That's all completely fine, but I can't help but feel like this excitement and anticipation would not have applied to Red, White & Royal Blue, even if it had gotten the promo it should've.

People love getting excited/flustered/teasing/curious over sex on the screen, particularly if it's dirty and/or kinky. "Sex sells" is a saying for a reason.

It hurts to finally get a movie like Red, White & Royal Blue, that is beautiful, hopeful, funny, happy, and unapologetically queer, without it being the center plot point, and know deep down that it would never get as much praise or attention as something like Mary & George would.

The painful truth is that for the general masses, gay relationships boil down to sex. It's what they think of first. It's what some of them only think about. When a ship/pairing is proposed, what's one of the very first questions asked or teased about?

"Who's the top and who's the bottom?"

It is treated as something that they are expected to share based on how casually it's asked. You would never ask that question to a heterosexual couple even though those terms can be applied to them too. It's all they want to talk about, and yet they're also oblivious and ignorant. I mean, for fuck's sake, at least 75% of the viewing population of RWRB, even those who would consider themselves dedicated allies, did not know that men could have missionary sex. All they picture when they think of gay sex is rough, back-to-chest sex where they aren't facing each other. It did not even occur to them as a possibility that men could have gentle, face-to-face sex.

Loving sex is rarely depicted between queer couples on the screen, which is what made Red, White & Royal Blue so different and important.

The film is also not centered around their sexualities. They are contributing factors to the plot, but they are not the focus the way it is in movies like Love, Simon. Taylor recently quoted Matthew with this phrase: "It is not a gay love story; it's just a love story."

Henry and Alex's relationship is depicted no differently than any heterosexual romcom couple. If you switched one of them to a woman, you could play the plot out the exact same way; all you would change would be the scrutiny based on their sexualities, which can be substituted for class differences, race, or literally anything else that the public could hold against them.

And to clarify again, there is nothing wrong with showing the other side of this. I have no problem with it whatsoever!

It is just disappointing and frustrating to see how fast and easily the media flock to a show like Mary & George because it's so "outrageous" and "sexy", while Red, White & Royal Blue has practically been brushed off only six months following its release after it dominated the worldwide charts for several weeks.

I know what people will say: "Oh, the window for promo has passed!" "Oh, they're still talking about it a bit!" "Oh, it's because of the strike!"

Yes, it was, but I cannot shake the feeling that even if it hadn't happened, Red, White & Royal Blue would have still gotten the short end of the stick compared to something like Mary & George, or The Idea Of You that's coming out later. I'm pushed more towards that mindset after RWRB lost the SAG award the other night even though it was easily the best one on that list.

RWRB is treated as inferior and has already suffered from homophobic Hollywood standards multiple times, but I almost guarantee you that M&G will receive mountains of praise and awards, despite being way more explicit than RWRB is.

That is what I have a problem with.