#i hope this is coherent my brain is not

[nappingmoon]

nanami finds your perfect engagement ring -of course- but he is torn on the decision of the accompanying bands. he revisits the jeweler over weeks, standing before the glass and comparing the rings in the display to pieces of your favorite jewelry from past photos. they would all look so gorgeous and each unique ring aspect reminds him of a different part of you and, rather than leave any option behind, he gets a bunch. some have little emeralds, because the pop of green just compliments your skin tone so well. another is simple, just a band for your quieter days, when things get overwhelming. one stack of rings joins together like a little sun, and even with all the diamonds set in it, it cannot even hope to match half of your sparkle.

he gives each one to you on a different date. one night, he takes you for a beach stroll. you've just finished dinner at the most beautiful restaurant on the coast and as you walk hand in hand, your sandals in his free hand, you're focused on the sensation of the sand between your toes, and how the water feels lapping up before receding. when you turn around, he's got his eyes fixed on you. his gaze is soft and full of nothing but adoration and you watch him sneak his hand into the pocket of his pants before pulling out a stunning little band, decorated with small pearls. "kento, you did not!" you squeal, giddily making your way back to him, leaving small divots in the wet sand. you throw your arms around his neck without thought, and he grips on to the ring hard while his arms come around your back, intent on not dropping it. he replaced the sapphire embellished ring with the new one, perfectly fitting around your sparkling engagement ring. the blues were cute by the water but the pearls brought in such an elegant aspect. after taking a moment to admire it, you rise back to your tippy toes and bring your husband in for a kiss.

he smiles against your lips, pleased. "i take it, you like the ring?" he asks, as if he had even a smidge of doubt.

"it's perfect, my love." your response is echoed by the waves, the soft rumble of the ocean glittering under the moonlight only strengthening the resolve in your voice.

[natasha-in-space]

I think not nearly enough people comprehend just how messed up Rika's and V's relationships truly was, actually. It is so easy to get hyperfocused on the big climax of their toxic obsession: the cult, the physical violence, and the secrets. But, like... You ever actually sit down and think about the sheer fact that V looked at Rika: a hurt, traumatized girl, terrified of being her true self, desperate for love she didn't even have a clear idea of in her own mind, safe for some very vague feeling she deemed to be 'love', and... He saw beauty in it. He was never malicious about it, nor did he even realize it fully, not until MC came into his life and pushed him into reevaluating his own worth as well as his views on what love truly is. But, at the time, he saw all that hidden pain and trauma in her, and he saw beauty in it. He was intrigued by it. It fascinated him. He desired to transform it into something even more stunning with his own two hands, analogous to an artist fixing his next big masterpiece. And she was his masterpiece. One he would paint and bend and mold into something he knew he wanted to achieve. It wasn't even a want, it was a craving. Not really knowing that he was just so racked with guilt and self-hatred after his mother's death, that he was merely trying to prove himself to no one but his own troubled and scared mind. To prove to himself that he could be an artist, and that he really could love like the sun. That he could save someone this time around, instead of losing them. Because, truth is, he could never be an artist, not in the way his soul truly longed for.

Rika was both his muse and his creation at the same time.

That's why he never encouraged her to get the help she desperately needed if she didn't want to do it herself. That's why he never got involved in any extreme ways until it became far too difficult for him to handle. That's why he told her time and time again that she was beautiful and perfect just the way she is, even when she herself would doubt and be deeply disturbed by his eager willingness to sink into the deepest of lows for her.

In a way, neither of them truly knew each other. It's a fact that they cared for each other at one point in time. But they didn't see each other as equal individuals to grow and change alongside. For Rika, V was her sun she adored and loathed all the same. He was not a person, he was just an anchor that kept her steady and a cruel reminder of all she could never be. For V, Rika was his canvas to pour his locked away feelings onto. She was not a person, she was a living proof of his ability to create and love in a way he desperately craved.

And in the end, that destroyed and scarred both of them. Not only them, but also many completely innocent individuals who were caught in the crossfire.

What a big, complicated, and horrible mess these two are.

[b4kuch1n]

wizard of both ways

[sminiac]

I think that since there tends to be this preconceived notion that men of a taller, bigger stature are more dominant leaning (and a lot of the time I completely agree) but I can’t help but think about Sub!Sungchan, and how he wouldn’t necessarily be the eager to please, overly whiny kind of submissive, but more of a soft, dimmed version of himself, just wants to be taken care of- to have the ability to sit back and allow himself to be taken care of, yk?

Like very intimate, emotional sex where he’s just completely and utterly yours for the time being, allows you to do whatever you please because he knows that he’s safe, that he’s in good hands, that you’ll make him feel good, so, so good.

Sweet thing, can’t help but love the overstimulation you drive him to, his long fingers squeezing at your arms, taut moans in your ears as he digs the heels of his feet into the bed, forcing himself to take it, because he knows what comes after this, and it’ll feel better than he could ever imagine, better than he could ever force himself through with the effort of only his own hand when you’re unable to see him.

Mewling out breathy pleas as big tears ball into the outer corner of his pretty eyes, lashes clumping as they slip down past his temples, his head thrown back, but when it’s not then he’s angling himself as best as he can to see the way your fist runs slick in up and down motions over his cock, the tip a pretty shade of red, poking out from behind your fingers, drives him crazy.

Once you’re satisfied the poor thing is absolutely spent, his chest heaving, arm thrown over his eyes, but that doesn’t mean that he can’t take more, cue the very sweet, soft sex part that consists of even more tears. His lips blown into a swollen pink mess, so pretty with the moisture he licks into them, a mix of his tears introduced when you thumb softly at his face, whispering the most meaningful praises his ears would ever hear.

So pretty under you, can’t take his eyes off of your face even through his cloudy vision, the way you gently work yourself on his cock, how untethered he feels from the outside world, because when he’s got you, it’s as good as gone. “Love you- I love you s’much.” He’d try to say through a mouth that’s thick with saliva, his register heightened, slack with emotion, the muscles in his face contracting in a weak attempt to refrain from letting a sob wrack his chest.

Just wants you to call him pretty while you hold his face, swiping away the steady stream of tears, fucking him into an untouchable amount bliss.

[halcyon-xxy-art]

2am doodles. what context. i am above the context.

[duhnova]

who in svt 😵‍💫

cheol:

- he’s pulling you impossibly closer as he helps guide you in his lap, grinding you harder as he tries to find more friction. he’s groaning lowly into your mouth before he’s shoving his tongue far down it (his hand tangling in your hair so you can’t pull away as he bruises your lips with his)

hoshi:

- he’s whining lowly as he chances your mouth as he bucks his hips up into yours only for you to laugh breathlessly at him before you’re trailing your lips down to his neck where his adams apple bobs as he bares it fully to you to allow you to mark him up however you want.

chan:

- he’s a breathless and moaning mess as you suck on his tongue, your arms wrapped around him to keep him close as he tries to grind up into you harder, his mind fuzzy as the only thing he can think about is your mouth as he gets needier with his hands, his whines getting louder the harder you suck on his tongue while making out.

[dharmafox]

Birth and Death: Thoughts on the second (yes, second!) Mononoke lore drop

Here is the second story bible page that's been released, along with an auto-translation and analysis provided by @purplealmonds. Check it out!

Here are my thoughts so far on the new concepts:

(1) Taoist Origin

The ideas in this doc are very familiar. They seem, again, to be drawn from foundational Taoist texts. Here's how Zhuangzi describes the Tao, or the Way:

It has reality yet there is no place where it resides - this refers to the dimension of space. It has duration but no beginning or end - this refers to the dimension of time. There is life, there is death, there is a coming out, there is a going back in - yet in the coming out and going back its form is never seen.(16) This is called the Heavenly Gate. The Heavenly Gate is nonbeing. The ten thousand things come forth from nonbeing.

The new doc talks about the "Peak of the Collected Self," and I think it and Zhuangzi are talking about the same thing. It describes this peak as, "The seat from which all things are born, the seat to which all things return. The seat of the origin." This is very close to how Zhuangzi describes the Tao: "There is life, there is death, there is a coming out, there is a going back in... The Heavenly Gate is nonbeing. The ten thousand things come forth from nonbeing."

("The ten thousand things" is a Taoist term meaning, "everything in the universe.")

The doc also describes this "seat" as beyond time:

Time is also folded in, so everything from the beginning to the end of the universe is there.

This is very similar to how the Tao is described:

It has duration but no beginning or end - this refers to the dimension of time.

The doc also equates this "seat" to Buddhist enlightenment and describes it as the goal of meditation.

(I talked about possible links between Buddhist meditation and the first lore that was dropped here, though I referred to the "ultimate truth" as "no self." The doc talks about "knowing the self" while Zhuangzi talks about "nonbeing"; I think we're all referring to the same thing, more or less: The Peak/Tao/origin.)

🧿Continue reading under the cut, because this got really, really long. 🧿

(2) Birth and Death

(a) The Mononoke series

To approach this origin, from which "the ten thousand things come forth," is also to approach death. It is "the seat to which all things return," and where there is "a going back in." The doc equates "sinking into the self" with the approach of death:

"The more the number, the deeper one is sunk into karma, which would be like being deeply dead and in a more decentralized state in human terms (the normal state). When a person approaches death, they embark on a journey that slowly sinks them into the self."

"The self," the origin, the Tao, the Seat of the Collected Self, is also the place "from which all things are born," where there is "coming out." Life and death, according to the Zhuangzi, are one: "Who knows that being and nonbeing, life and death are a single way?"

This union of life and death, yin and yang, could also be the "more decentralized state" the doc refers to. To return to the origin, to approach death, is to simultaneously approach birth. Or, more abstractly, it's to approach transformation.

Mononoke invokes every one of these concepts: birth, death, and transformation. I talked here a little bit about the Medicine Sellers as agents of transformation, but the first lore drop especially makes this clear: the 64 hexagrams of the I Ching all describe states of change (hence the text's use in divination). The Medicine Sellers embody these states of change as well as guide humans through them, to the point where those humans' identities, which have been warped into mononoke, are destroyed. They bring death, but they also bring release from death.

This is clear in nearly every Mononoke arc (skipping over "Zashiki Warashi" because it's kind of its own unique animal, in that the mononoke is exorcised more through birth than death and the Medicine Seller seems to barely have anything to do with it):

(i) The first "Bakeneko":

Killing the bakeneko frees Tamaki and the kitten from the Sakai house, and they return not only from death, but to the state they were in before the Sakais harmed and killed them. They are granted a new beginning.

💫🐈‍⬛spin 🐈‍⬛ 💫

(ii) "Umi Bozu":

The Medicine Seller effectively kills Genkei, an old man approaching death, when he exorcises the mononoke. Through being killed this way, Genkei is reborn into a young man.

(iii) "Nopperabou":

Ochou is in a never-ending, unchanging cycle, at the end of which she is condemned to death. When the Medicine Seller meets her, she wears a white kimono that marks her for death, and the Nopperabou warns her that she is very close to truly dying:

To free Ochou from this cycle, the Medicine Seller has to deconstruct the identity that's been holding her there—which allows him to, again, effectively kill her (and she again wears the white kimono that marks her for death).

And I could get started on the phallic imagery here but I don't think this analysis needs to be any longer.

This death, however, finally brings Ochou rebirth. Like Tamaki and the cat at the close of "Bakeneko," she is able to leave the house where she's been imprisoned. The sky she longed for and the bird that comes to life and flies away just before she finally disappears suggest that she's attained the "new life" she sought in vain with the Nopperabou.

(iv) "Nue":

This is definitely the arc where the death-to-life link is the most obvious, where in particular we see the Medicine Seller act as an agent of death that leads to transformation. As always, he destroys the mononoke, and we see the contrast between the wintery, dead world he enters and the world of spring and life that emerges at the end. But even more explicitly, we see the Medicine Seller, again, effectively kill three men whose endless cycles of death have sustained the mononoke's existence:

And have a fantastic time doing it.

These men not only finally "die" properly but emerge again, with all of their greyed, washed-out color restored, in the world of life that appears after the mononoke is exorcised:

I can never remember their names... angry cat guy, dead monk, nose guy, and hat guy.

(v) The second "Bakeneko":

From the start, this arc carries a theme of rebirth. Its major characters seem to be reincarnations of the characters in the first "Bakeneko," but these people are changed. Most especially, the characters who resemble Tamaki and Sakai are very, very different from their "originals." The extreme imbalance of submission and violence, of virtue and evil, has been corrected, resulting in two people who are neither especially good nor especially evil. Their transformations can be linked back to all of the transformations in the previous arcs, which involve the destruction of divided selves or natures—by returning them to the truth of the "origin,"; that is, to the "Collected Self."

Setsuko, like Tamaki, is ultimately freed from the bakeneko, but the rebirth in this arc is not so much of Setsuko as it is of the people whose lies fueled her revenge. Every person on the train is killed, one after the other, until only the Medicine Seller and Moriya are left standing. But when the bakeneko is exorcised, everyone except Moriya and the mayor returns—now with an understanding of their truths. They accept and make amends for their lies, and a few of them even find new connections with each other.

Interestingly, pretty much just the women and the kid.

Each process of death and rebirth that we see in Mononoke could also be seen as a process of "clearing the mind and seeing one's true nature," which the doc equates with "knowing the self" and "enlightenment." The people behind the mononoke are all trapped in states of delusion that blind them to their true selves: Genkei can't see that his sister is really part of him, his own heart and feelings. Ochou can't see that she lost her true self a long time ago and that the Nopperabou is part of what she lost. The men in "Nue" can't see that they've already died. All of the characters in the first and second "Bakeneko" arcs have been desperately lying to themselves about their roles in creating the bakeneko. These lies sustain the mononoke's existence, because the truths these people hide are the mononoke's truths as well, the ones the Medicine Seller must know in order to exorcise them. Clearing the mind of these delusions, returning knowledge of the true self, and bringing death and rebirth to the mononoke are all part of the same process: the return to the origin or to "the Collected Self."

(b) Karakasa

While the series focuses pretty heavily on death specifically, in the movie we're already seeing both birth and death as powerful themes. @purplealmonds here points out a strong connection between Shingi and death. These connections link Shingi so closely to death that he might even be implied to be a shinigami—in fact, all of the Medicine Sellers may be implied to be shinigami.

But in contrast to the series, the movie may be much more about birth than death. Way back when we were first learning about the movie's setting, I had a crazy theory that the Ōoku could be a metaphor for the womb. It seems now that that theory may not have been so crazy—we're seeing more and more implications that fertility and birth are hugely important here, and even that the Ōoku could be connected to a symbolic birth canal.

@purplealmonds (without whose insights my theories would be far shorter and less interesting) pointed out here that the water priest's two daughters appear to be associated with menstrual blood. Their clothing and body markings prominently feature red, and both have names that translate to "Crescent Moon." But both of these girls are also closely connected with water: they're the children of the water priest, their kimonos are patterned with waves and droplets, and they distribute the well water that the women of the Ōoku consume as part of a sacred ritual.

Their outfits are also very carefully crafted inversions of each other, down to every single detail except the blue cords at their hips.

When daddy makes you dress the same because you're twins but daddy is also a weird creepy priest guy.

So these children may also embody the union of yin and yang, of birth and death: interdependent inversions of each other. Their connection to water connects them to birth and life; their connection to menstrual blood connects them to death—because, as @purplealmonds points out, women go through menstruation when they are not pregnant. Menstruation is a cycle of death without birth, without transformation.

Based on these connections, and on the fact that wells are sometimes written in anime and manga (e.g. in Mushishi and (xXx)Holic) as portals between places or worlds, I think it's plausible that this "sacred well" symbolizes a birth canal leading from and/or to the "womb" of the Ōoku.

I'll... be taking some Dramamine before watching this movie.

Another subtle connection between Karakasa and birth is this image:

GIANT DEMONIC SKY VAGINA

If I'm not mistaken, this manifestation of the mononoke is appearing right above that sacred well.

All of the potential connections between birth and death are here. The mononoke appears in part as a symbol of birth, but it also brings death. Shingi, who must kill the mononoke, appears almost as an embodiment of death, but he co-exists with the Medicine Seller, a contrasting form connected with fertility, sexuality, and life. As with other mononoke, I think we can expect the destruction of the Karakasa to bring about the transformation of whatever truth lies behind it, and I suspect that truth to be the entire world of the Ōoku, which traps the potential for birth in an endlessly unchanging cycle. Exposing this world's truth will mean breaking through the delusions of all the men and women in it who have convinced themselves that they are acting for the good: serving the Shogun, serving the priesthood, serving Japan. When their delusions and the mononoke they created are destroyed, their world will be destroyed as well: returned to the true "Collected Self," and from there allowed to be reborn as a world where birth and death have connected again.

From there, the never-ending process of return to and rebirth from "The Seat of the Collected Self" will continue.

[miabrown007]

post-Representation reveal for @ladyofthenoodle and @asukiess <3

Time stops when Chat Noir plummets from Marinette’s skylight. She stops in her tracks and stares at him, eyes blown wide behind the polka-dotted mask that sits snug over the mascara streaks on her face. Her heart skips to her throat, because she doesn’t understand. She doesn’t understand what Chat Noir is doing at Marinette’s right now, in this break of dawn, when she was just about to head out to purify the Akuma he and Alya captured. He has even left her a voicemail to cheer her up—he always had an innate talent to know when she needed some cheering up—and he sounded so calm and collected then— Face buried in her mattress, he sniffles now. And Marinette knows that her identity is at stake here, that she’s incapable of explaining away Ladybug’s puffy eyes staring at him from the end of Marinette’s bed, but Chat Noir’s crying. He came to her because something so devastating happened to him that he’s crying.  If there’s one thing Marinette knows, it’s that they have sacrificed enough. She gave up love and gave up her friends for the mighty cause, and in the end, it was her friends and their love that saved the world.  She won’t give up her partner. Never again.

She reaches out, stroking her fingers through his hair gently. “Marinette, I need to tell you that—” he starts, then looks up and his eyes go wide. She smiles down at him. “It’s okay, Chaton. I’m here for you.” His bottom lip trembles, and several beats pass until he finds the voice to whisper, “I love you, Marinette. I’ll never let anyone separate us.” And maybe that should feel like a surprise. Maybe his arms around her and his lips on hers should wreck her world. Maybe, once, they would have.  Now, they feel like a small sound of ‘oh’ at the back of her mind.  Of course, it’s him.  Of course, he’s hers.  Of course, it’s them until the end of the world. She cups his face and smooths the messy hair out of his eyes, kissing away the tears spilling over his black mask. “I love you, too, Adrien. I’ll never let anyone hurt you ever again.” And if he cries harder and buries his face in the crook of her neck, that’s alright too. She hugs him, rubbing his back and peppering kisses all over his face—his nose, his forehead, his crown and his little cat ears—and holds him until he needs her to. She would be his Atlas and hold him until the end of the world, but slowly, his breathing calms and Adrien draws away, wiping at his eye with the palm of his hand. “I need to— I’ll need to go back,” he stutters over a swallow. Marinette shakes her head firmly and holds him tighter. “You are not going back.” His face softens. “My lady,” he begs, and she thinks her heart might give in from the way he says her name alone. “You know I have to before he discovers I’m missing, otherwise—” She cuts him off with a kiss before he gets to finish that train of thought. It’s an option she isn’t willing to entertain. “Your cousin owes me big time. You are not going back. Never ever,” she confirms.  If the surprised fervour and gratitude he dives back in for a kiss with is of any indication, he believes her. Marinette isn’t delusional enough to think Félix would do her a solid as an apology for his theater kid nonsense, but she suspects a chance to be closer to Kagami in place of Adrien will do it. She laces her fingers with Adrien’s, as if gluing them together, but he doesn’t seem to mind. She smiles against his lips with confidence only his support can grant her. “Okay, Chaton. Here’s the plan.”

[ganondoodle]

a panel from the rough draft that i like alot (hes catching hylias punch with his own hand, in case its too scribbly to see)

(comic wip)

[crabrat]

damian talia and dick they’re ough they make me feel so many things

no no because talia raised damian that’s his mom-probably one of the only people who game him some semblance of kindness in the league-a roll model-an authority figure he cannot question and suddenly she turned him away and sends him to meet his father, someone whose practically a stranger to him

and so he goes and he adapts but everything he’s been taught is challenged all the things he’d been punished for not doing he’s punished for doing

but to keep his family something’s he’s been easier to value so highly he learns and adapts and so he has his father he gets used to this new form of love and it’s ripped from him, his father is dead and everything around him is in shambles and he’s with dick and dick well dick just drills in the idea that the woman who’d loved and poured her tangible pride into him and taught him everything he’s ever known is just Wrong dick tries to save him from his own childhood

and then where does he go from there, it is all wrong and dear god if that’s wrong then what is he what is he without this everything he’s ever known is mute

And then we have Dick whose just trying to live to survive to continue when his father has died and he has to pick up the ashes he’s got to take care of a. new kid and a whole fucking city and he is terrified he’s going to repeat the past

god he’s got so many regrets and so many things he has to do the and world keeps fucking spinning while his has been obliterated

and his brother is chasing after ghosts and his team is picking up the peices and his sister moves and his brother moves and they’re spread out thin grief cannot be escaped yet they all try to avoid it and he’s left to drown in it

but he has to persevere batman cannot die and neither can robin the cycle must continue but all he can do is his best to make it run smoother so he takes in the kid whose so harsh and rough around the edges but still very clearly a child and he tries to make sure damian knows he’s loved that he’s not leaving he tries to provide stability but he is in his mind but a pale imitation of bruce never able he’s truly measure up to the man and really hes not even sure he wants to

And talia, talia’s stuck between a rock and a hard place, she’s never aspired for motherhood and she’d never really gotten a choice but she has a child and she loves him yet she never seems to be able to do him right she knows the league isn’t the best place for a kid but it’s all she’s ever known and likely all he’ll know so she teaches him how to survive and she makes him know how proud she is and how proud he should be

and then she has an opening she can send him to his father to be trained and she knows if she does she’ll never get him back but as long and he’s safe and happy she’ll do it she has to and she knows she will never be forgiven but she will do what she musts for her family she loves Damian so so much but Love alone won't save you make you a better person or excuse the harm you cause in its name It's not enough just to feel love-what truly matters is how you choose to act on it

[scribefindegil]

Unlike a lot of stories about people with superpowers, MP100 doesn’t do civilian collateral damage. Koyama threatens all the delinquents in the alley, but leaves without touching them. Minori’s father gets impaled but the show takes pains to establish that he survives. all the big architecture-destroying fights either happen in isolated locations with only espers (and Reigen, lol) in attendance, or in the case of the world domination arc in buildings that have already been evacuated.

Teru, specifically, is used to going up against other espers. And maybe there’s a couple of non-powered Claw lackies thrown in there, but they chose to work for an organization of kidnappers with delusions of world domination; he’s not gonna lose any sleep over it.

And it’s fun. It’s like a game or a puzzle--figuring out how to replicate people’s moves, how to find their weaknesses, how to use them against them. Even when he loses to Shimazaki it just makes him more excited for the rematch. Don’t point knives at people--but when people keep coming to you looking for a knife fight, what are you supposed to do? If his powers are a tool, Teru thinks he’s found the perfect use for them: taking down any esper with less savory motives than his own.

And that’s why the scene where ???% levels the apartments around him hits so damn hard. Suddenly it doesn’t matter how well Teru can fight. Suddenly he--and we, the audience--are confronted with just how destructive psychic powers can be. And it’s terrifying. (And it’s heart-wrenching, because we know how much Mob hates the thought of hurting people, and Teru knows too). This isn’t a battle between espers, this is a natural disaster with dozens of civilians caught up in it.

It’s scary in a way that none of the other confrontations have been. It’s not a puzzle to solve. It’s not a solution that can be fixed by fighting. But Teru’s powers aren’t just a tool for fighting, and he realizes that.

Teru can’t beat Mob. Teru can’t save Mob.

But he can save everyone else.

[viric-dreams]

Control is a central theme in Jones’ life. Before his arrest, he was often one of the faces of their movement, both the man able to whip up a crowd, and talk to the people on the street, and also meeting and negotiating with politicians. He has an exceptionally good read on people, and is often very good at predicting and influencing their actions. For this reason, he’s actually a stronger asset to the Game than he’s aware.

One of the appealing things about Nite was how easy he was to read. Yes, he’d invite a certain degree of boldness and spontaneity into Jones’ life, but always on a trajectory that was fairly straightforward to predict and easily managed or diverted. He is manipulative, but not for nefarious purposes. That’s simply how he is. If Nite was in a bad mood, he knows exactly the steps he needs to take to pull him away from that negativity and ease some of that burden. He knew exactly which words, which gestures can elicit the strongest reactions, and moreover, knew how to draw that spark out of him, the one that makes Jones feel alive simply to witness. And he likes knowing that he’s able to do that, to help, care for, to influence.

This is why it’s so concerning for him to use that soft power to cause harm. He knows exactly what can cut the deepest, what’s most painful, most anger-inducing, or how to force inaction. It’s something he could’ve used a dozen times over in his life if he wanted wealth or status or power. And he does want power, but not that way.

The fact that he could do any of those things, and if he’s being honest, with that same thrill from flexing that control regardless of context, scares him a bit. It would be so easy to simply slip into it, like a well-fitting glove. But he doesn’t want to. He wants to think that he’s a good person.

So when he feels uncertain, he turns that control onto himself, doubling down on the established rituals, and creating new ones. He does what he needs to to ensure that he has the ability to set the rules and ensure that he follows.

After the breakup he starts questioning his own morals for how he’d handled it. Rather than retreat into ritual and restriction, he swings sharply the other way, into that wave, letting it take him wherever it may. He indulges too much in wine and women (and men), consequences be damned. He picks up a stranger at a bar, just because he wants to in that second, and because he can. He ignores the consequences of his actions for as long as he can, until suddenly they’re front and centre to greet him and that base level of control he’d taken for granted is torn clean away.

[cirrus-grey]

Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck the goddamn music-

I don't know the name for the technique but there's this thing that was in there that's the string players, like, tapping the instrument with the bow to create a more percussive sound and normally I wouldn't think too much of it but I swear to god it sounded like creeping spider legs. During the case set at Hill Top Road. With the very obvious references to the Buried and the Stranger and all the rest. Which dropped about a hundred Achives references including Jon's fucking name???

I have always respected the soundscaping they do at Rusty Quill but they're really going above and beyond for this show.

[choccy-zefirka]

TikTok is a fascinating place

[bidisaster-peanut-romano]

soo hi everyone!! i'm back on my bully essay/meta/something writing!! sort of. i did this.

anyways anyone who's been on this page for some time know how from time to time i have insistently mentioned the parallels between lola and peanut, right?

welp! that was a joke but the time has finally come!! a super-pretentious essay just for the fun of it!! (and also bc i haven't been writing actually argumentative texts in like months perhaps a year, so. yikes, i really need to practice again)

word count: 2.2k WOAH. IM SORRY

i, in my corner, with my monstrous needs. — susan sontag, as consciousness is harnessed to flesh

take this quote both as a title and an anticipation of what is to come. the essay will be distributed analyzing first the dependence of each of them on johnny, to then draw comparisons. i'll make sure to steer as away from headcanons as possible, sticking closely to the source text. obviously, some things' interpretation might be ambiguous, but, you know. your usual occupation hazard.

also, a disclaimer before we start: while they are psychologically complex and there is always a mimetic intention in developing them, these are fictional characters, and, as such, their primary function is to be vessels for different themes, questions and so forth. therefore, i will prioritize meaning and themes over moral implications and similar elements.

i. peanut

for how much i can adore talking about him, the way peanut depends on johnny is very much on the nose; worn on his sleeve, even. in 11:11 minutes of voice lines, he mentions johnny 30 times.

many interpret this as the caricature of a boy crush, but i have reasons to believe it is much less cute than that.

the problem is that, really, more than trying to identify specific situations... peanut seems to rely on johnny for a significant part of what he does. when he does good at dodgeball:

Look at me, Johnny, look at me!

almost like a child calling for his parent's attention to be praised. he calls johnny's name when he's going through hardships, when he's scared or when he's sad.

more than someone he just loves, johnny is a point of reference. whenever there's something going on, whenever he does or has to do something, his first thought goes to johnny; vice versa, what johnny asks of him is his priority.

I gotta tell Johnny! No time. I gotta see Johnny now. Gotta help Johnny. What can I do next to please Johnny? I mean Lola! I mean…

(this also goes in a "negative" direction, envy being the other side of the medal to adoration. especially because, in some way, this reliance on johnny might be felt by him as emasculating, and, being johnny his model of masculinity, adding it to the napoleon complex thing, it's not hard to guess why it can be so unpleasant. we can see this manifest through some of the things he expresses in regards to lola- not as much an interest he has towards her, but the interest he wishes to have from her- which are a bit more different than it might seem at a first glance. but this is a mouseketool we'll need later. still:

Last time I saw her, Lola made eyes at me, not Johnny!

do we really need this part? heh. i'm not sure, but it's always good to point out)

(also, just because, for the purpose of this analysis, it might be useful to specify: while these sentiments are very much implied in peanut's canon quotes, we have no evidence in canon in what measure they are reciprocated by johnny. the fandom has universally agreed that johnny also views peanut as his Best Friend In The World; while in some measure, they must be at least a bit close, i think it is even safe to say, given the caricaturist nature of bully's characterizations, that johnny holds peanut in less consideration that peanut deludes himself into believing. quoting another post of mine, the kids who show some level of obsession towards their leader mention him on average ten or less times (gord mentions derby eight times, parker six times, kirby mentions ted five times). the leaders don't usually make names at all, that much is true; however, peanut mentions johnny 30 times, and, even in front of this proportion, johnny mentions peanut 0 times. just to make that clear)

overall, what undeniably shines through his voice lines is a feeling of general inadequacy, whether about his height, or his strength in front of a bigger adversary. the audios in which he tries to show off range from being disingenuous, to straight up improbable.

crossing what we have until now said, it is not hard to come to the conclusion that he really tries to make up, to fill this empty feeling of inadequacy by taking pride in his role as johnny's second in command.

while i am a big fan of bully's characteristic of having left much content out of the main game, leaving the gamers to dig it up for themselves, i do believe that scrapping some of the stuff that was prepared for peanut is a loss. we have a number of voice lines coming from chapter 3, in which it was heavily implied how important peanut's role as johnny's right hand man was.

for example, much like... all other seconds in command, really, he was to be followed and then fought in the rumble, before you could get to johnny, with the specific duty to cover his back. even his very first scene, the opening cutscene of chapter 3, i believe, is not to be underestimated. most of the other people, as far as i recall, call you when they need it in person; johnny, however, sends peanut. making him, de facto, an extension of himself, almost.

again, you choose the motivation. what is important, from a narrative point of view, is that peanut clings to johnny through these acts of service, almost making it the foundation of his personhood.

basically, he makes it so that, if he can't be of help to johnny, his whole self is fundamentally annihilated, giving himself completely to johnny.

ii. lola

with lola, reading between the lines gets a bit more difficult; first of all, because lola is much less transparent than peanut, her insincerity being a supporting beam of the whole chapter 3. secondly, whether she was done dirty by the creators or not, it is undoubted that being the perspective that of a teenage boy (namely, jimmy, but we certainly, as viewers, are brought to sympathize more with johnny than with lola) with all the prejudices it can bring with itself.

however, it doesn't mean that there isn't anything to work with- quite the contrary, actually. the issue with lola is that there is a certain amount of layers to get through before gaining a satisfying perception of her as a character. still, we're here to try our best, aren't we!

even behind the muddiness of her intentions and the manipulation she shows herself a master at, it is clear from the second we first meet her that what she does is in function of johnny.

to get through this mess with order, we'll start from an easy, measurable numeric information: lola mentions johnny in her audio files 19 times. which, we're assessed, IS a considerable amount.

we have extensively talked about the way her cheating patterns are a strategy not to succumb to the passive role of the girl in the heteronormative, patriarchal prototypical couple (there's a post here breaking down a lot of this stuff, if any of you is interested!!), so, instead of this, i want to focus on what lies beneath that behavior.

ultimately, the whole point is that lola expects and wants johnny to fight for her. whether is it because she feels taken for granted, or just because he can't perceive it if not through grandiose gestures like the rumble- your interpretation will work; she wants to see johnny fighting nail and teeth not to lose her, she wants him to show her that he wants her.

she's all about that attention, and she knows exactly what and how to do to get it. and i think this is especially clear when you compare the moments in which she knows there's no advantage she could go for; when she has understood that jimmy won't fall for her manipulation, when algie and chad leave her unsatisfied, when norton openly accuses her and antagonizes her - she loses her temper, lets go of that sweetened and/or flirtatious voice tone, abandons that specific kind of gesturing. she doesn't care anymore about obtaining something. she was actually angry, and she was actually upset that johnny had disappeared.

in some of her audios, she references johnny with some amount of fondness, as well:

Johnny and I were on the best date ever.

(there is also a voice line in which she says "He told me he likes me because of my personality. Isn't that sweet?"; due to it being a general chatter and not exclusive to one chapter, i assume it is relatively safe to assume she is quoting johnny. however, as i said at the beginning, we're trying to stay as close to canon material as possible, so, do your thing- and i'm open to arguments!!)

a considerable amount of audio files, however (which will lead us to our final point) is about her... calling for help for johnny, or stating, confidently, that he will come save her, or avenge her later.

Someone get Johnny! Johnny's gonna get you for this. Johnny is gonna kill you!

but wait... i have some sense of déjà vu...

You're gonna be sorry when Johnny finds out!

iii. two faces of the same medal

if i had to pick an effective image for a metaphor, i'd say that the thing about lola and peanut is that they are both dogs looking for someone to take their leash; we’re talking here about an exclusive relationship with someone they can rely totally on, someone we’ll call the Other (with a capital o, distinguished from just other. yes it is unnecessarily complicated i’m sorry).

for what my professor would call accidents of history, it happened that both of them found that Other in johnny.

each of them attempts at creating an exclusive relationship with the Other, one foolproof and fundamentally… perfect. perfect in the way that everything works like oiled gears, in the way that every next move is predictable, in the way that any accident will not break the created equilibrium. (even if, in the general sense of the term, lola and johnny's relationship is everything but perfect, it is in the connotation that we have established here. lola is aware that, no matter what she does, johnny will come back around. hell, the very thing that she does is aimed at keeping that balance; specifically, keeping him a bit on the edge, pushing him into a corner where he has to actively make an effort to keep her close.)

they both hide something they are ashamed of, regulating not only their actions and reactions but their very way of existing in the world, in order to keep that gear working, in order to remain in johnny's hand. lola hides that craving for a genuine and stable affection, dissimulating it with the cheating and the fatuous physical demonstrations of closeness; peanut hides his sense of inadequacy and complex of inferiority, by being the tough and reliable second in command.

basically, what they mean to achieve is a sense of security, the safety of not really being the one to lead but, at the same time, finding a purpose, other than a shield from the outside world that they are not willing to concede themselves to. like a... symbiotic relationship?? i was going to say parasitic, but, yknow. the Other does get some advantages, which are, respectively, peanut's acts of service and lola's capacity to boost johnny's pride.

now, of course, johnny is not aware of either of their play. which makes it even better, since, as we already said, both of their approach to the relationship needs some degree of insincerity.

like, i don't deny that johnny might be a good friend, or a loyal one. but he is an oblivious, prideful fuck who can't see past his own nose; he's got a tendency to make it all about himself - which of course goes perfectly with what we said about both peanut and lola making the Other their center, taking up, in a certain way, a passive role in the relationship.

this way, both of them aim at creating with johnny a relationship that is, in a way, codependant and conditional, in which the do ut des (their respective "service" ↔ johnny's guarantee of stability) creates the foundation of the very relationship.

this, of course, brings up the problem of exclusivity; on which, however, i prefer not to delve into too much, as this would bring us to the topic of their antagonism which... isn't really what i wanted to go for, at least not here. (it would risk bringing us a bit too close to my subjective interpretation and too far away from the canon, which i PROMISED i wouldn't do. however, someday i might elaborate on that??? idk , please do lmk if someone's interested around here)

i will, however, show you a diagram (it looks like a triangle- i guess it is, but it is VERY important that it is a pyramid, with a top and a larger foundation) and a quote, to wrap this up bc i think it is already WAY too long and ramble-y lmao. let me know what you think anyway, my ask box is always open <3

it almost feels like a joke to play out a part when you are not the starring role in someone else's heart you know i'd rather walk alone (i'd rather walk alone) than play a supporting role if i can't get the starring role -- starring role, marina and the diamonds

[wazzappp]

So you know your green lantern milagro au. What am I saying ofc you do it’s literally your au. I’m imagining like, Movie Milagro and Jaime here, for starters, just cause funzies. Anyways. I think it would be SO FUN if Milagro learns about the Reach and their whole deal while like, training or smth, and halfway through she’s like ‘Holy shit. That’s my BROTHER you’re talking about.’ And she has to deal with the knowledge that at any point her brother might just get possessed by galatic supercolonizers and start enslaving / murdering people. And she gets home and tries to explain it to jaime and he’s not having any of it (he and khaji are best buddies, duh, khaji would never do that but would they? he doesn’t know.) Oh and at some point it would be really fun and angsty if milagro has to actually fight jaime while he’s being possessed because what’s more fun than the crisis of ‘hurt my family to save the world or hurt the world to save my family’

YESYESYES THAT FUN ANGST IS WHAT GOT ME THINKING ABOUT THIS AU IN THE FIRST PLACE!!

I love the idea of her fighting possessed Jaime. Milagro has to try and convince the other green lanterns that NO its actually NOT really Khaji Da its those BITCH ASS MOTHERFUCKIN REACH BASTARDS. Milagro strikes me as the kind of person who would kill if she ever heard an 'I told you so' which, like. same honestly it makes me murderous. So stop being so 'green lanterny' and fight the reach mothership so she can focus on only mildly beating the shit out of her brother while also staying alive.

I think Milagro would have some difficulty listening to the lanterns AT ALL about this honestly. Girlboss is LOYAL loyal. I think she would need some reminding about exactly WHAT Khaji and Jaime are capable of together. Remembering that he was very very close to just straight up killing Carapax (should have turned that man into a blood fountain honestly. Jaime, puncture his jugular and watch that shit become the centerpiece of a fucking royal garden) might get her to go 'yeahhhhh. ok yeah I could kind of see it'. But I think for her to REALLY believe them she would have to see Jaime being particularly ruthless. Like if he was going after someone who came after their family. OHHHHHOHOHOHOHOHO PRIME SCARY BEEBLE HOURS FRFR. Don't get me wrong, Milagro would go after any motherfucker that threatens her family, its the fact that JAIME. Peacemaking, understanding, kind Jaime is ready to beat this guy into the ground, that troubles her (especially if its presented as evidence by the lanterns).

Honestly if you could convince her that her brother is mostly replaced I think you might even get her to work with other lanterns on some kind of capture mission. The council is like 'The scarab on earth must be eliminated' and Milagro finds herself in a position where she can say 'thats BS he's my brother I know him'. Then they can bring up all the violence he's been engaging in and she can propose that they should at least do a capture mission instead of like. an execution. She really is doing everything she can and staying loyal to her brother, but HES NOT GOING TO BE ABLE TO UNDERSTAND THAT. OHHHHHHH HEARTBREAK. OHHHH PAIN AND SUFFERING AND BETRAYALLLLL <3

I also have just. the CLEAREST fucking mental movie of them working together after getting the lanterns to just chill the fuck out a little bit to evacuate a planet. Jaime keeps trying to approach the people on this alien planet so he can direct them to evacuation ships but they just. Keep running away from him. Doesn't matter what he says doesn't matter what he does, they think he's going to kill them. Milagro flies in and the kid Jaime has been trying to convince to come with him runs behind Milagro and BEGS her to fight Jaime and "make the scary reach soldier go away". Idk where these ideas come from but I put them on repeat so often girl help the daydreams are becoming sentient.