#i hope this is like in any way helpful LOL

[alrightieaphroditie]

wipe my tears away | j.m.

*:·ﾟ✧ series masterlist | previous part!

pairing *:·ﾟ afab!reader x joel miller wc *:·ﾟ6.6k  warnings *:·ﾟ18+! minors please do not interact!! talk of period pain, hormonal emotions, crying, kissing, some manhandling (if you squint), sad attempt at dirty talk, period play (lightly), fingering, maybe some degradation (not really sure), clit stimulation, overstimulation, multiple orgasms (f receiving), squirting/messy cum, p in v penetration (not protected, do better!), one mention of blood… please let me know if i’m missing any major ones!  an *:·ﾟthis is for the girlies who get over emotional during their periods (they are me, i am them). this is a bit longer than intended, but once i got in the zone i literally couldn’t stop, so i hope y’all will enjoy it! kind of unedited, so if anything major jumps out feel free to comment lol. i also wrote this with correct capitalization, where all my previous fics were lowercase bc i couldn’t be bothered to turn on auto caps, so let me know if y’all prefer this format!  check the series masterlist for the series tags!

synopsis *:·ﾟ joel comes home to find you laying in bed, crying because of period pain. he may not be a full gentleman, but he wouldn’t let you suffer when he has a trick up his sleeve to help sooth the cramps. 

The pain that begins in your lower abdomen, the feeling that radiates throughout the rest of your lower body with enough force to make you wince, isn’t entirely new. It’s a monthly occurrence, actually. One that you feel like you should be used to by now, considering it’s plagued you for more than half your life. 

But the outbreak had already happened when you first got your period as a teen, and for a while, your body wasn’t receiving the nutrients it needed to sustain that kind of function. It was a double-edged sword, the way you were appreciative that you haven’t had it this bad your entire life, while ruminating on the losses that occurred due to the infection. 

Because it was a different story, now. 

Now, you were eating more than you could ever remember before. Jackson was a thriving community, after all. And you were beyond blessed that you were one of the lucky ones who got to reside within its gates. Now, your body was properly fed and being taken care of for the first time in years, and that double-edged sword reared in your mind again; thankful for the safe space you’ve landed upon, but God, at what cost? Your period pain took you out for days each month, making you feel like a burden even though you physically couldn’t help it. 

Your toe stubbed against a chair in your living room as another cramp worked its way through your body, causing you to cry out for more than one reason. Tears filled your waterline, and a heavy sigh escaped past your lips. The rough material of your jeans was digging into your waistline, your hair felt heavy against your neck and each strand that brushed against your cheek made you want to cut it off, and you just felt so useless. Some logical part of your brain realized this wasn’t really you feeling this way, it was just the hormonal shift, but that didn’t provide any sense of comfort as the tears continued to glide down your face. 

In some ways, you were lucky, as today had been your day off from helping around Jackson. Otherwise, that sense of being a burden to everyone would’ve increased tenfold. You couldn't stop feeling like a burden to yourself, though. You had made a perfectly organized to-do list that was hanging on your fridge of things you wanted to tackle today. 

Your sheets needed to be washed. The floors needed to be swept and mopped, especially after the rain, as Joel and Ellie continued to trek mud through your house by accident. Maria had given you some of the spices that grew in abundance, and you wanted to make one of those simmer pots on the stove that she kept mentioning. 

But doing those chores was the last thing on your mind right now, as another cramp racked its way through your body. Now, you just wanted to go lay in bed wearing nothing but Joel's shirt that you had thrown on earlier and cry while hugging a pillow.

 And so, that’s what you did. 

Your vision was watery as your fingers swiftly worked to unbutton your pants, your feet carrying you out of the living room and into your bedroom before you really even realized what you were doing. Once you hit your bedside, you tugged the jeans down your legs, letting them pool at your feet and leaving them on the ground as you crawl into bed, feeling about as pathetic as you probably looked. Curling up on your side, you reach out blindly and grab onto Joel's pillow, tucking it against your body and letting it provide you a false sense of comfort. After that, the tears start flowing freely. 

You didn’t know how long you laid there, didn’t know how long the sound of your sniffles had filled the room or how long you pressed the pillow against your abdomen. The cramps were still relentless, and it wasn’t like you even had any medicine you could take; expired Tylenol did absolutely nothing anymore. You wish you were more used to this feeling, this pain. But it seemed like the longer you were at Jackson, the worse the symptoms became each month. You had yet to figure out the remedies that were foolproof for this feeling. 

Continuous tears turned into lonely, stray droplets as you held onto the pillow. The room was silent except for the occasional sniff. You had zeroed in on an undone thread on the pillowcase, not paying attention to your surroundings, so you didn’t hear the sound of the front door being pushed open, or the sound of Joel's work boots stomping across the wooden floors. In the corners of your mind, you recognized the voice that was muttering to himself outside your room, but your eyes stayed focused on that singular thread. 

The thought of it being lonely, being apart from the other threads holding the fabric together, made your eyes water again. You could put yourself in its position, the ever present fear of being alone daunting you even now, and that was enough to send the tears over your waterline, racing down your cheeks and onto the pillow once again. The hiccup that came from your inhale was the noise that had the footfalls move towards your room, and through your blurry vision you saw the outline of Joel standing in the doorway. 

“What's wrong?” Through your sniffles, you could sense his urgency, his rough voice filled with nothing but concern, and maybe a little worry. His gaze swept over your body, checking for any possible injury. This was the first time he’d seen you break down to this level, and the sight of you curled into a fetal position, tears streaming down your face with his pillow in your grasp… he prayed to God that another person wasn’t involved with making you feel this way.

It would be a shame to lose his good reputation amongst Jackson because he had to beat some fucker up. 

Your gaze swung up to his face, and you made yourself blink harshly to expel the lingering tears. His face came into focus, the worry lines on his forehead becoming more clear to compliment the frown on his full lips. He had a spot of dirt streaking across his forehead, and his clothes were dirty from spending the day working outside. For whatever reason, the fact that Joel had been out working in the heat for most of the day while you couldn’t even manage to get up and wash your bedsheets made your emotions spiral even more. What is wrong with me? you wondered, hugging the pillow tighter to your body. 

The sound of his work bag hitting the floor echoed through the room, soon followed by the shuffle of his boots being kicked off his feet. His hands were gently pulling the pillow away before you could even register that he was in front of you now, but you felt the bed dip under his weight as he perched himself at the edge. His broad hand rested on your elbow before sliding up your arm, gently caressing your skin until he reached the side of your face. The calluses on his thumb scratched against your skin as he swiped the digit under your eye, wiping away the tears that had pooled. 

“Baby, what’s wrong?” his voice was softer this time, comforting you in a way that had you feeling alright for the first time today. You leaned up on your elbows, and Joel helped guide you into a sitting position across from him, your hands holding on to one of his while his other cupped your face, thumb swiping against skin. The action of sitting up had your cramps rearing their ugly heads again, and your wince was subtle but extremely obvious to Joel, evident by the furrowing of his eyebrows. 

“My uterus is what’s wrong,” the scratchiness of your throat had you coughing slightly, and you worked to clear it before trying again, voice nearly as weak as you felt. “I'm on my period.” Joel's eyes widened in surprise at your admission, but he quickly schooled his features.

This wasn’t his first rodeo; he’d been with you for awhile now, but noticed that each month your symptoms were different. Sometimes, your sudden anger at everything gave away the fact that it was that time of the month. Other times, it was your sweet tooth and your cravings that gave it away. Rarely was it your tears, though, and his heart lurched at this new response. 

When your hands went to wrap around your stomach, applying pressure lightly to help ease the throbbing, his free hand came up to the other side of your face. “‘m sorry, darlin. Know that ain’t the best feeling in the world,” his thumbs were doing a stand up job at wiping away the tears on your cheeks, and soon the only sign that you had been crying was the red glaze surrounding your pupils. 

And the occasional sniffle. 

You leaned into his touch, eyes closing at the surprising amount of comfort that you felt from a pair of hands. You always felt at peace with Joel, though, so you weren’t surprised that his hands had this effect on you. You focused on the rough pads of his skin against the smooth texture of your own, taking in big breaths of air through your nose as your crying spell passed through you. Now you were thinking a little more clearly and felt a little embarrassed by the fact that Joel had walked in on you crying over a thread on a pillow case. Not that he’d ever know that’s what you were crying about. 

“It's okay. I'm sorry if i scared you or anything,” you started, opening your eyes to meet Joel's dark gaze. You offered him a small smile. “I really just need to learn how to deal with these cramps without them taking over my day. They seem to be getting worse and worse each month.” Your hands trailed up to grip his forearms, squeezing them affectionately as a wave of exhaustion flitted through your body. 

Joel's eyes squinted slightly. “Cramps, huh?” he mused, the corner of his mouth quirking up ever so slightly. In the far corner of his mind, he recalled a younger Tommy swearing by a foolproof activity that helped one of his girlfriends with her cramps when medicine didn’t cut it. He wasn’t sure he believed Tommy then, or even now, for that matter. But he knew how much you struggled with the pain, and he’d feel like a real jerk if he didn’t at least give this a go. 

“Think I know somethin’ that could help with that.” He pulled your head forward, pressing a chaste kiss on top of your forehead before dropping his hands and pushing off of the bed. You were slightly dazed, partly at the display of affection but also at the quickness in which Joel was walking to the bathroom. When he came back into the room with an old towel, you couldn’t help but look at him suspiciously. 

“Joel…”

“Do you trust me?” He asked, tossing the towel on the bed and leaning down to look at you, eye to eye. His demeanor was calm, but his eyes shined with a hint of mischievousness, and the smirk on his mouth was nothing but trouble. It made him look younger, almost. Like the gray in his beard and around the temples of his hair was there prematurely. You wondered if he was like that more before the outbreak, and you reveled in this glimpse of his past self that he was allowing you to see. 

“Of course I do.” Your answer was absolute, eyes showing no signs of distrust or wariness as you maintained contact with Joel’s. He reveled in the sureness of your answer, in the fact that it didn’t even take you more than a second to respond to his question. The smirk became a full blown grin, and you couldn’t help but mirror it on your own face as you wondered what the heck this man was thinking. 

“Good. In that case, I'm gonna go clean myself up,” his lips pressed against yours in a swift kiss before he backed away, fingers stretching to the hem of his t-shirt. “You’re gonna strip out of those panties, spread that towel out underneath you, and wait for me to come back. Okay?” One of his eyebrows notched up, awaiting your response. 

“Sir, yes, sir,” you teased, sending him off with a mocking salute. It earned you an eye roll, something he had been picking up more and more from Ellie's influence, no doubt. The sound of your giggle followed him into the bathroom, where he quickly worked to discard his dirty clothes and rinse off. The thought of you laying in bed with just his t-shirt on had him adjusting himself underneath the water stream. 

Meanwhile, you were working at a slower pace. 

You gingerly took the threadbare towel between your hands, kneeling up on your knees to place it where you thought would work best. You were starting to get an idea of what Joel was planning, and while you’ve never done anything like this before, you weren’t absolutely hating it. After you had smoothed the fabric out, you climbed back against the pillows, hooking your thumbs under the waistband of your panties and sliding them down. The pad on the inside showed slight signs of blood, so at least you weren’t bleeding too heavily right now. Usually that came after a day or two of the cramps. 

You were combing your fingers through your hair when Joel walked back into the room, pausing at the threshold while you both took each other in. His hair was damp, droplets of water occasionally dripping on his forehead, brushed back at the edges and the tops to keep it out of his face. He had been growing it out a little longer, though you knew when summer fully came around, it’d be time to clip it. 

He’d changed out of a plain, gray t-shirt into another plain, gray t-shirt - clearly a staple in his wardrobe - and you had to admire the way he was filling it out. The sleeves hugged the middle of his biceps, straining against the pure muscle that had been building up. The shirt fit loose around his chest, but you could see the way it was snug around his tummy area, the small pouch of his stomach highlighted by the thin material. 

You weren’t the only one who had been eating better since arriving at Jackson; Joel was starting to bulk up and you were loving it. 

Having ended his workday earlier, and foreseeing spending the rest of the day in bed with you, he had pulled on a pair of flannel pajama pants that clung to his thighs and offered very little to the imagination when it came to the thick imprint between his legs. The sight of him had your thighs clenching together automatically, heat racing through your body like a fever. 

And he knew it, too. You could tell by the smirk on his lips, the way his gaze strayed from your eyes to your legs. He loved having that affect on you, loved seeing how needy you became by just the thought of being with him. 

He walked to the other side of the bed, his eyes focused solely on you in his red shirt, the way your legs were crossed at the bottom, giving him just the smallest peak of bare skin underneath. You listen to him so well, he couldn’t help but admire. You gave him your trust so easily, and that was one of the few things that Joel considered to be precious in this world. He'd never make you regret that choice. 

Leaning up on your elbows, your body naturally turned towards him when he finally settled himself on his side next to you. One of his arms slipped behind your head, tucking you into his body as the other came up to guide your face to his. His lips were soft against your own, and all the tension you had felt from crying earlier completely disappeared. 

Your hands clung to his arm as he kissed you, a soft sigh escaping through your lips. Joel took the opening to deepen the kiss, sliding his tongue against your bottom lip before dipping it into your mouth. Your mind was growing fuzzy, and you simply let Joel manipulate you how he wanted, eagerly offering yourself to him. 

His mouth stayed on yours, your noses brushing against each other with every tilt of the head, but his hand strayed from your cheek. It paved a path to the collar of the t-shirt, where he fisted the material and tugged it towards himself, halfway pulling you on top of him with the movement. Your hands flung out to his chest to stop yourself from completely crashing into him, and a groan sounded against your mouth as Joel felt the tips of your fingers dig into the skin. 

He soon abandoned the collar, letting his palm slide down the expanse of your torso and bunching the shirt up a little before settling it right over your lower abdomen, fingers splayed out wide against your bare skin. The heat radiating from his palm on your skin was like your own personal heating pad; the soreness that ebbed from your cramps seemed to dissipate the longer his hand rested against your skin, the action making your head spin as you focused on breathing through your nose as Joel’s tongue traced along yours. 

Joel’s mouth trailed from your lips down to your jaw, down to your neck. The stubble growing on his face scratched at your skin when he nuzzled himself in the crook of your neck, causing a combination of a laugh and a moan to flutter past your lips. You could feel him smile against your skin before nipping at it gently, using his lips and tongue to ebb the slight pain away. You could feel him sucking at your skin, and you knew in the morning you’d regret the red and purple marks that would litter your skin, but right now, the feeling was absolute heaven. 

“Spread those legs for me, baby.” The words were whispered against your skin, accompanied by a quick tap to your thighs. You didn’t hesitate to obey; your left leg fell to the side while you rested your right leg on top of Joel's. His hand slipped from your stomach to your upper thigh, gripping the fleshy inside as he helped adjust it higher on his body. 

The cool air from the fan had you shivering as it made contact with your bare skin, emphasizing the wet slick that had formed between your legs. Joel's mouth found itself back on yours, his kiss turning punishing, almost, as his hand slowly moved down your inner thigh; his teeth were biting and pulling at your lower lip, his fingers were digging into your skin as he kneaded and gripped your thigh. 

“Joel,” you mewled, stretching up slightly to angle your hips closer to his hand. You were settled in the crook of his elbow, and his arm came up to bare against your throat ever so slightly. He essentially had you in a headlock, and you were helpless to anything he administered. Goosebumps prickled along your skin, and you whined once more when his fingers brushed against the crease of your leg. 

“Shh, s’okay, baby. Let me take care of you,” his words were soothing, soft. A complete contrast to the way he was handling your body, and it was all you could do but nod in response, eyes wide and trusting as they held contact with him. His pupils were so dilated that you could barely see the rim of brown, even this close. 

Another sharp tap to your inner thigh had you gasping, and Joel's mouth formed into a smirk as his calloused fingers eased the spot. You’d like to blame the hormones fluttering around your body for the desperation you were feeling for Joel, but part of you knew that he simply just had this affect on you. You always grew so needy for his attention, for his touch. Being with him was the only time your brain truly shut off and allowed you to feel safe, relaxed. 

His fingertips were stroking the inside of your thigh like it was the strings on one of his guitars, a slow but firm sensation that had you humming; he was playing a different kind of instrument with you. You could feel yourself growing slicker, the bubble in your chest expanding as he teased you, touched you. 

“Joel, please…” you trailed off, turning your head to the side and bumping the edge of his jaw with your nose. His gaze had slipped to where his fingers were caressing your skin, basking in the suppleness of your skin that so vastly compared to the roughness of his. You felt like a dream. 

“Such pretty manners,.” he mocked, grinning to himself before meeting your eyes once more. “Since you asked nicely, though…” The kiss he pressed on your nose was soft, but your focus was on how his fingers were finally crossing over the crease in your thigh, finally trailing down to your core. 

The first swipe of his fingers through your folds had a small moan emit from your mouth, and a curse came from Joel’s as he felt how wet you were already. “Shit, baby,” he muttered to himself more than anything, watching his fingers as he lifted them up into the light to see the shine. Chest heaving, you watched as he brought his fingers up to his mouth, watched as he placed them on his tongue before closing his lips around the digits and sucking on them while he pulled them out. 

His fingers were now wet with his spit, evident by the thin strand of saliva still connecting his mouth to his fingers. The sight alone had your toes curling against the mattress, your mouth open slightly as you watched him bring his hand back down to your pussy. Your breath left you as his second swipe was firmer, the tips of his fingers passing along your clit for a brief moment before moving back down. 

His forearm flexed slightly against your neck, his free hand moving down to brush against the top of your chest. One of your hands moved to grip his arm, nails digging into skin ever so slightly as Joel’s fingers brushed your entrance, swirling around slightly to gather the wetness that had formed. A soft sigh left his mouth as he felt you, and the next moment, two of his fingers were swiftly pushing inside of you. 

“Joel!” You gasped out, back arching into his touch as he pumped his fingers into you once, twice, three times before pulling them out. Joel huffed out a laugh at your whine from the loss of contact, glancing down at you to see your reaction to him circling your clit with the pad of his thumb. He was rewarded with the softest of sighs, and the sight of your eyes rolling shut while your mouth parted open. 

He didn’t hesitate to capture your lips with his, his mouth against yours as firm as his thumb on your clit. The kiss was quick, and Joel’s nose brushed against yours as he pulled back ever so slightly. “Such a pretty girl, achin’ for me to fill you up. My fingers feel real nice against your pussy now, don't they, baby?” 

A short and snappy nod was your form of a response, as you were solely focused on the way Joel’s middle finger was circling your clit now. Your hips bucked up as waves of pleasure wracked your body, Joel’s expert fingers bringing you relief you so desperately needed. The action had Joel smirking above you, had his hips grinding slightly against your thigh in a sad attempt at getting some friction for his now hard cock. 

Joel pulled back from his admissions on your clit, sliding his middle finger through the center of you before slowly inserting it back inside you. The gasp that left your mouth was music to his ears, and he began moving it in and out, curling it up once it was fully inside your wet pussy. Head falling back against Joel’s arm, your legs widening even further as Joel picked up a steady rhythm with his one finger. 

“So good, Joel,” you rasped, voice breathless as Joel’s finger curled against the spongy part inside of you that had your body jerking in response. Licking your lips, you pulled the bottom lip into your mouth, teeth sinking in as the pleasure continued to build up in your body. Your right hand moved to rest on his wrist, while the other stayed gripping his left forearm. 

Basking in your praise, Joel withdrew his middle finger and, when he pumped it back inside, added his ring finger. The addition had you groaning, feeling his two fingers stretch you out slowly as he pushed them inside and pulled them out. You felt Joel’s lips press against your forehead as he worked to pick up the pace, and soon all that could be heard in the room was the wet sound of your pussy being fucked by his fingers. 

“God, I could listen to you all night,” he mumbled, curling his fingers in a “come here” motion inside you and marveling at how drenched you sounded. “So fuckin’ wet for me, sweetheart. Haven’t even taken my cock yet, either, you needy thing.” 

His words only sparked the fire inside your chest even more, and soon you were moaning his name over and over again in some kind of sick prayer as he filled you with his fingers. Your mouth dropped open as his thumb moved to glide against your clit, pleasure radiating throughout your body. 

Your fingers dug half-moon indentions in Joel’s tanned skin as the waves of pleasure finally crested. 

Your body went rigid in his hold as your orgasm peaked, his fingers never ceasing in motion as your hips began to shake against his hand. He muttered soft praises as you came, moving his arm from across your chest and intertwining your fingers with his. You gasped for air as you came down, thighs twitching ever so slightly as you soon became putty against Joel’s body. 

Only then did he pull his fingers out from inside of you. He kissed your forehead once more, cupping your drenched pussy with the palm of his hand. Your chest was heaving still from the orgasm, body feeling tired once more but for a completely different reason. Resting your head back on Joel’s arm, you glance up at him, expecting him to move his hand away and maybe help you clean up. 

Instead, Joel’s dark gaze was solely focused on your pussy again. Instead of moving his hand away, he slowly moved it up your center, stopping only when his middle finger brushed against your clit. He moved his hand to the side slightly, letting the tips of his other fingers brush against the sensitive nub, before sliding it the other way. His action was slow, methodical even. 

“Joel,” you ventured, squeezing his hand that rested in yours. His jaw twitched, but that was the only response you got. He leaned up on his elbow, your hand moving up along the mattress as he did so. Now, your interlaced hands rested above you, on the pillow, as Joel’s upper body hovered on top of yours. 

Ever so slowly, Joel resumed the movement of his hand, sliding to one side before moving it to the other. His fingers all brushed against your clit, and the overstimulation you felt had your thighs closing together. 

“Keep ‘em open, baby.” Joel admonished, his grip on your hand tightening slightly. His free hand pushed away your left leg before returning back to your clit, and you swore you could feel the wetness lingering on your skin from him doing so. The roughness of the towel underneath you prickled at your skin as your hips twitched from the continued pleasure. 

“Joel,” you ventured again, this time more of a plea than anything. Tears formed on your waterline when he picked up the pace, his hand firmly rubbing against your clit each time he moved it. That bubble of pleasure formed more quickly in your chest, the feeling fiery and almost suffocating as Joel’s movements were relentless. 

“Give me one more,” his voice was rough, distant. “Just one more.” His hand dipped to cup your pussy once more, gliding up through your folds and moving the wetness from there up to your clit. The added lubrication and friction as Joel increased his pace had you crying out, body arching forward at the onslaught of pleasure. 

Your orgasm approached much faster this time, and you could feel your slick dripping down your skin onto the towel. “Oh my God,” you whimpered, your hand painfully holding onto Joel’s while the other, which had moved to rest on his hip, gripped his t-shirt. “Oh, God.” 

This time, when you came, the bubble dropped from your chest and to your stomach and your body went limp as soon as your orgasm tore through you. Your mind was a haze of euphoria, and if you were more cognizant you would have been embarrassed at the feeling of your wetness squirting out from you, would have felt heated at the way Joel praised your body. Instead, you were blissfully gone, basking in the sensation that only Joel’s fingers knew how to bring you. 

Joel’s hand slipped from yours as he pulled his arm up from underneath you, and before you were even aware of the shift, he was up on his knees, moving in between your legs and tugging his flannel pants down. “Gotta fuck you, baby. Jesus Christ, you came so good for me.” His hands bracketed your head as he leaned up against your body, the head of his leaking cock pressed against your wet slit. 

You hummed at his praise, wrapping your weak arms around his neck as you shifted your thighs a little wider to accommodate for his hips. You weren’t entirely sure you could handle another orgasm, but you knew you were desperate to have him inside of you. His head ducked down to yours, and you enthusiastically pressed your lips against his, enveloping his hips with your legs in consent. 

With a nip at your bottom lip, he slowly pressed the tip of his cock in between your folds, gathering the wetness that had accumulated near your entrance before moving his hips even further. The head of his cock pushed into your pussy, stretching you out even more than his fingers did previously. Joel groaned into your mouth as he pumped his hips slightly, pulling out of you before sinking just the tip inside you again.  

“Fuck, sweetheart. My fingers didn’t stretch out your pussy enough, huh? S’fuckin’ tight as hell around my cock.” One of his hands came to brush aside your hair, cupping the side of your face gently while his hips snapped into yours. You cried out against his mouth, the feeling of being filled so suddenly causing you to wince slightly. You welcomed this pain, however, as it quickly gave way to pleasure the more Joel rocked his hips against yours. 

Joel rested his hips against yours for a moment, his head falling down to your chest as he reveled in the tightness surrounding his cock. His breaths came out in short pants, the hand laying next to your head turning into a fist against the mattress. Your hips move up slightly, seeking out the pleasure even after coming twice before, and it brings Joel in further, causing you both to curse. 

“So desperate for me to fuck you,” Joel’s words are accented by short, quick thrusts up inside of you. He pushed up off of you, your arms falling to the bed beside you while your legs fall open as they untangle from his waist. His hands grip the inside of your thighs, and he leans his weight forward a little, pinning your legs to the bed. 

“I am, Joel. P-please fuck me,” you beg, gripping the sheets between your fingers as your hips meet his thrusts. Joel starts off slowly, implanting you fully on his cock before slowly pulling back until just the tip presses against your pussy. His bruising grip on your thighs holds your legs open while he works himself in and out of you, eyes cast on how your slick coats his cock, the occasional red streak coloring his flesh. 

A stray curl of hair falls from his previously brushed back hair, and you itch to swipe it back into place, but his pace quickens and your hold on the bed keeps you from banging against the bed frame. The sound of his cock entering your wet pussy fills the room, the indecency of it causing your skin to flush with heat. Joel’s groans start to find time with your whimpers, and soon the noises of sex are emitting throughout the bedroom, throughout the house. 

Joel’s hands move away from your thighs, traveling up your stomach and pushing up his red t-shirt to see your boobs bouncing with each thrust. He admires the peaks of your nipples, the way goosebumps arise on your flesh as it’s exposed to the cool air, before bringing both hands to grip onto them. His thumbs and forefingers pinch at your nipples, the pain mixing in with the pleasure seamlessly. 

Your eyes fall shut on a moan, body arching into his touch as you clench around Joel, causing him to curse. The familiar sensation of heat fills your body, that third orgasm floating slightly out of reach. You move one of your hands down to your pussy, resting it on your mound. Your fingertips brush against Joel’s cock every time he withdraws, and you moan at how slick he feels before bringing your fingers to your clit. 

“That’s it, baby. Make yourself come on my cock,” Joel encourages, gaze focused on the way your fingers nimbly play with your throbbing clit. His hands squeeze your breasts roughly one last time before he leans up, gripping your ankles and bringing your legs to rest on top of his shoulders. Your thighs press against his cock as he fucks you, adding in another level of pleasure for him as he fights back his orgasm. 

“Just like that, Joel. Just like that…oh!” Your cries fill the room as he pounds into you, your fingers increasing the pace against your clit. Your movements are shaky, not precise in the slightest, but you’re still sensitive and wound up from your previous orgasms that it doesn’t take much to get your third one going. With a few clumsy swipes of your middle finger against your clit, and Joel’s cock ruthlessly hammering in and out of you, your final orgasm floods through your body. 

Joel curses as he feels your pussy clench around him, making his movements stagger with how tight you become. He gives a few more deep thrusts, his own movements becoming shaky and less precise, and he soon slips out of you, rubbing the length of his cock along your pussy lips as you gush with your orgasm. With a grunt, he follows soon, his own cum spurting out of his red cockhead and on to your lower stomach. 

Your legs fall meekly to the bed again, and Joel’s body sags forward a little before he props himself back up with his hands. The sound of you both panting is all that can be heard as you both come down from your orgasms; you, eyes closed and mouth open. Joel, eyes open and mouth closed, nostrils flaring slightly as he regulates himself. 

It takes a moment before you both get back to yourselves, but when you do, you become increasingly aware of the wet feeling underneath your lower body, which causes you to giggle. “Guess it’s a good thing I didn’t get around to cleaning my sheets today, huh?” 

A snort comes out of Joel, his head shaking slightly as he moves to brush back his hair. He takes in the sight of you, freshly fucked and thouroughly spent, and can’t help but grin. He might be older, but he relishes the fact that he can still please you like this. That you actually want him to do so. Makes him feel like a god among men. 

He sees the tears around your lash line from your last two orgasms, and he leans forward slightly to wipe them away with his thumb, triggering in his mind the conversation you both had before this all started. “Feelin’ alright?” His gaze moves around your body, checking to see if he hurt you in any way. He notes the red marks against the side of your neck, the cum on your lower stomach and the beginnings of many small bruises along the inside of your thigh from where he gripped them to keep them open. 

He’d be more worried about those if he didn’t know how much you loved having him mark you up. 

“Just peachy,” you grinned at him, propping yourself up on your elbows to take in the mess below you. Joel leaned in to meet you, his kiss soft and soothing as his lips slid against yours. After a moment, he pulls away again, awkwardly shuffling to the edge of the bed before standing up. Hiking up his pants, he moves to the bathroom to get a washcloth to start cleaning you up. 

After wiping away his cum and your wetness, he gently helps you off the bed, holding your arm as your legs fumble when your feet hit the ground. His pride grows then, and you smack his arm playfully when you catch sight of his grin. “Sorry,” he mutters, pressing a kiss against the side of your head before moving to gather up the dirty towel from the bed. He tosses it into the hamper before leading you to the bathroom. 

There, he draws you a hot bath, guiding you in the tub and before pulling his clothes off and joining you. It’s a cramped space, the bathtub not technically suitable for two, but you make it work. You lean your head against Joel’s shoulders, sinking into his body as his arms wrap around your middle. You know you should do something with your bedding soon, should make sure you have the guest room set up so the two of you can sleep somewhere remotely comfortable tonight, but for now, you bask in his presence. 

“Thank you for taking care of me, Joel.” You say softly, closing your eyes and letting the hot water ease away any lingering soreness your body has. His arms tighten around you as you trace mindless shapes against his thighs. He tilts his head to the side, kissing your forehead before resting his on top of yours. 

“Anytime, baby.” His breathing evens out with yours, stubble rubbing against your forehead as he speaks. “I’ll always be here to wipe your tears away.” 

taglist *:·ﾟ @hiroikegawa

[aphroditelovesu]

Yandere poly Nico and will from Percy Jackson please 🙏🏼 I love your work 🥰

❝ 💀 — lady l: It's almost 4am and I haven't slept yet, but I needed to write this before I forget lol. I got a little carried away, but I hope you like it and forgive me for any mistakes! 🤎🖤

❝tw: toxic relationships, polyamourous, manipulation, obsessive and possessive behavior, forced relationship (?).

❝☀️pairing: yandere!nico di angelo/yandere!will solace x male!reader.

Nico and Will were quite satisfied with their current relationship. They matched, they had common interests and future plans to be realized. That said, they weren't thinking about adding a third demigod to their relationship or being obsessed with you in general. You shared many of the same interests as them and had a personality that complemented the couple's dynamic. It was as if you were made by the gods themselves to complete them.

Nico thoroughly enjoyed your company and he felt comfortable around you, something he felt with few people. You made him laugh, feel happy and understood and di Angelo found himself wanting more and more that feeling you brought in him. A feeling of belonging to something, that he belonged to you.

Will, on the other hand, was a little more skeptical at first. That didn't mean he didn't like you, he was just more cautious. As he got closer to you, mainly because of his boyfriend, Solace understood what Nico saw in you. You had something that attracted people to you, that attracted them to you.

In conversations about different topics, both Nico and Will found themselves mentioning you more and more. You were a constant presence in their lives, and your company was always pleasant and welcome. It was then that they began to consider the possibility of including you in their relationship in a more intimate and meaningful way.

Nico and Will wouldn't force you into a relationship with them. If they can't have you romantically, that's okay, they have other ways of keeping you with them. As long as you were theirs, they would be fine with it.

For Nico and Will, it was important that this new phase of their relationship was based on respect, consent and mutual love. They believed you could bring a new dimension to their relationship, enriching their lives in ways they had never imagined. They were eager to see how this new configuration could further strengthen the bonds between them.

And when you said yes, when you accepted them, it was the happiest moment of both of their lives. You were finally theirs to love, to own, and to adore.

The relationship with them is quite dynamic and comfortable, you suppose. They respected you and respected your limits and choices, although they would always give you their opinions. You have a lot of freedom, you can hang out with your friends and go on missions, although Nico doesn't particularly like it, he knows he can't lock you away. or can he?

Nico is the clingiest of the three of you and it shows when he loves to snuggle next to you or just stay by your side, even if in silence. He likes to steal t-shirts from you, as a mild form of marking you as his, and also because he likes them.

In addition to being clingy, Nico is also quite overprotective and as a result, he can become possessive. He just wants you to be safe, why is this so hard? Nico has already lost someone he loved, he won't lose you too. It doesn't matter if you know how to fight, he won't allow it.

Will is already more subtle in his displays of affection, but that doesn't make him any less clingy. He likes to hold your hand, sing hymns, and appreciate your beauty when no one is watching. You can expect many poems written by him, all of them describing how much he loves you.

Solace is more jealous and possessive than Nico, although he doesn't show it as much. His normally warm and gentle gaze will harden, his mouth will form a thin line, and his grip on you will tighten. He doesn't like to show his jealous moments, but he can't help the hatred that arises within him when someone gets too close to you.

They both make a wonderful duo and they knew how to manipulate you if they so choose. Nico is the most emotional manipulator, he will make you feel guilty when you are being stubborn. Will is already the cruelest manipulator, he knows how to make you feel bad about yourself and he will use that to his advantage to keep you with them.

They adore you, love you, albeit in their twisted way. They will spoil you and adore you from head to toe, all you have to do is be good to them and listen to them. You won't be allowed to go on missions without them by your side, nor will you be allowed to make friends that they don't approve of. Your life should revolve around them.

You don't want to get on their bad side. Nico is the son of Hades, he has his own means of taking whoever he wants from you, whoever he thinks is interfering in your relationship. And Will knows very well how to manipulate people to keep them away from you. And they are not against killing to keep with them.

You are theirs the moment they met you but you officially became theirs when you agreed to enter into their relationship. A relationship you can never end. Nico and Will will take good care of you, however, don't worry.

[shibaraki]

🍉 ─ SPONSOR A WIP FOR GAZA

Hi friends!! I don't know how this will go but I wanted to participate and help contribute a little bit more to the fundraising efforts for Gaza set up by ficsforgaza. I’m taking things slower on the writing front this year so I only have a few to list, some longer than others. Even so, I hope some appeal to you and encourage you to give a donation.

RATE: $1 per 100 words

INSTRUCTIONS: donate to a vetted fundraiser of your choosing, take a screenshot of the donation confirmation (make sure your private information is censored) and send it to me along with the title of whatever WIP you're sponsoring!

Here’s an example:

hi monty! here's proof of my donation to child mohammed and family's gofundme. I'd like this to go toward the wip 'name your courage' :) ty!! [screenshot.png showing evidence of donation states that $5 was given, therefore 500 words will be written for the wip titled 'name your courage']

Upon receiving your ask (I won't be publishing them) I will amend the list below and prioritise progressing that WIP as well as keeping this post updated weekly. Just for clarity: I’ll be submitting redacted evidence I receive to @ficsforgaza to try and ensure that people are not sending those same screenshots to different writers.

TO AVOID BEING OVERWHELMED I HAVE MADE A DONATION WC GOAL FOR EACH WIP❗️The sole purpose of this is to encourage donations and spread awareness. Every little bit helps, even if a fic doesn’t get finished right away.

🍉 ─ WIPS AVAILABLE:

↳ NAME YOUR COURAGE — BAKUGO KATSUKI #: GN AFAB reader, post canon au, quirkless discrimination, falling in love, social work, worldbuilding, angst + fluff + eventual smut

determined to reach deep inside himself and reconcile the shame that still lingers there, pro hero dynamight publicly aligns with a well-known quirkless charity organization. what he gains is greater than he could’ve imagined.

current wc: 10,832/20,000+ donated (goal) wc: 800/5,000

↳ A MANY SPLENDORED THING — KUROO TETSURO #: GN AFAB reader, divorcee kuroo, best friends to lovers, heavy mutual pining, hurt/comfort, eventual smut + romance

you wonder, not for the first time, why tetsuro could never see what was right in front of him. it was as though the compass of his sharp intuition reversed polarity when you were in the vicinity. you’ve been in love with him since you were sixteen and he’s the one person that never noticed.

current wc: 13,276/20,000+ donated (goal) wc: 2,000/5,000

↳ #HEARTBURN — TODOROKI SHOUTO [COLLAB FIC] #: GN reader, meet-cutes, social media + shipping, reader is a paramedic, strangers to friends to lovers, fluff + humour

who knew your run-ins with the suspiciously accident prone pro-hero shouto would capture the hearts of the general public—or that a bit of harmless flirting could have such inconvenient consequences?

current wc: 500/5,000 donated (goal) wc: 2,500/2,500 🎊

↳ EMERGENCY CONTACT — AIZAWA SHOUTA #: GN reader, friends to lovers, fluff + humour, sexual tension, reader is an underground hero, adopted eri, getting together

aizawa gives eri a special card with a number to call if there’s ever a big emergency and no one else is around who can help. her idea of an emergency is vastly different from his.

current wc: 0/3,000 donated (goal) wc: 500/2,500

That’s all for now, though there is a possibility that I will add more WIPs later. And let me know if you’ve got any questions (or if I’ve missed anything lol).

It’s totally fine if you can’t donate or if none of these fics appeal to you!! Please feel free to check out the other writers on @ficsforgaza’s page if you’d rather sponsor some different fics, or even make requests to those accepting them ^_^ thank you guys!

HERE’S EVEN MORE WAYS TO HELP PALESTINE, AND DON’T FORGET YOUR DAILY CLICKS!

[thisisawonderfulusername]

good luck, babe - part 2

ellie williams x reader, abby anderson x reader

summary: after your disappearance from seattle, you find a new place to call home. you never expected your past to return.

word count: 2.7k

a/n: alright yall i liked this enough to make a part 2... but it kinda has a cliffhanger because i didn't know where to take it lol. specifically who r ends up with so if you wanna see anything with that just send some ideas 😜

abby practically barges into the room the patrols check out from, hoping to any god there is that there was some sign of where you went.

her hands practically slam down on the table in front of the poor new recruit who was simply there to watch over who leaves and enters. “where is she?”

the man practically shakes in his seat, nervously rubbing the back of his neck. “i- who?”

huffing, she grabs the clipboard in front of him with no protest from the wide eyed guy, scouring over the names on the list. your name isn't there.

she tosses it back on the table, rolling her eyes. she swiftly begins to go around the entire lobby, questioning everyone with a glare.

she finally gets an answer that matters. “i thought i saw her leaving earlier, but i was too busy making sure the next shift checked in to see if she signed.”

of course. you slipped out when it was unlikely for anyone to question or see you.

with a nod, she's already walking out the door, ignoring his protests of “you still need to sign out-” the door slams shut.

she was going to scour all of seattle, just to find you and make everything up to you.

how? well, she's not sure yet. but she will.

-

getting out of seattle proved to be a tough journey, surrounded by scars trying to kill you and wolves who would certainly alert isaac (or worse, abby) that you had been seen after disappearing from the stadium.

but you made it in a few days, breathing a sigh of relief when you made it south of the interstate and turned at the first sign of another major road. you hope that you never see another wolf ever again.

after that, it was just a matter of following the interstates, setting up camp in the dense forests, and following more interstates.

you cross two state lines, landing in wyoming a month or two later.

when you hear the clop of a horse's hooves on the broken road behind you, your head snaps back, hand instinctively going to the holster on your thigh.

the sight that meets you is a girl about your age, sat atop a dark colored horse, its mane and her hair blowing with the gentle breeze. “woah, there,” she chuckles as she sees your hand at the ready, gently pulling on her reins to stop the horse. “no need for that.”

“i'm just passing through,” you tell her, relaxing slightly when she isn't reaching for the rifle on her back or even her own pistol on her hip. “not looking for any trouble.”

“fooled me,” she grins as her head turns to examine the terrain around you. she seems genuine, you decide. “you out here alone?”

“it's that obvious?” you crack a smile- a feeling that was starting to feel foreign.

she chuckles, “we've got a small community just east of here, if you wanna stop by and get some food,” she looks at you expectantly, “maybe stick around? we could always use more hands.”

you think for a long moment, playing with your fingers as you bite your lip. a good meal sounds amazing- and you've been on your own for a while now. maybe this community could get you back to where you were before- minus the constant battle over land.

“okay.” when she reaches her hand out to help you onto the horse, you take it.

-

months. it was taking her months to find you, and she had lost hope. you surely got out of the city by now, officially leaving the wlf- leaving her- behind.

for the first few weeks, she was scouring all of seattle. she took out any scar in her way after questioning them, never managing to get an answer about you.

after those weeks, she decided to get back to the stadium. from then on, she was always on the lookout for you during patrols, looking into all the places that you liked to hide away in but never getting any sign that you were there.

after months of sulking, manny snapped her out of it, telling her that “she's not coming back. move on.”

-

life in jackson is a great contrast to what life as a wolf was. you no longer fought over the city, instead patrolling uncontested land alongside the new people you had grown close to. there was no more talk of a greater cause, simply a growing community in a world where it felt impossible to live a normal life.

the girl who brought you in- dina, you learned- introduced you to some of her friends, jessie and ellie.

for a few months, you hung out with them, being paired with the older patrols while you were ‘learning the ropes’- as maria had put it.

after that, you started getting paired with your three new friends often, creating deeper bonds. most notably, with ellie.

sooner than you had ever expected, feelings grew between the two of you and met a peak when looking out on the view from the lookout you were assigned to.

-

you leave the horses in the fenced area as you go into the large lodge. it's a lookout new to both of you, so it takes a minute to find the door blocked off by a large bookcase, leading to a set of stairs to the upper floors that you begin to ascend.

on the third floor you reach, you're greeted by a large commons room that desks have been arranged in with various different papers and supplies that other patrols have left behind littering the surfaces. it's messy, but cute.

you scribble your names into the log as ellie strolls over to the rails by a large window, looking out onto the view of mountainous forests and, nestled into the far distance, a large cabin. after you finish your writing, you join her.

you sigh softly, “it's so pretty.”

“mhm,” ellie hums in response, almost seeming distracted. when you turn your head to look at her, you see that she was already looking at you, chin resting on her hand. your breath catches in your throat as you fail to stop your eyes from flickering to her lips.

it's hardly noticed by the two of you that you had gotten significantly closer, the silence of the room seeming so loud. “can i kiss you?” her voice cuts through it, so soft that you barely hear it yourself.

“please,” you breathe out, and ellie doesn't waste any time. one of her hands goes to the back of your neck to pull you in, the other resting on your cheek as your lips connect.

your hands instinctively go to her hips, softly squeezing the skin protected by denim. her lips give you a high that you haven't felt in a while.

for the rest of patrol, you can barely keep your eyes (and hands) off of her.

-

she treats you far differently than abby ever did. you almost feel bad even thinking about comparing the two of them.

ellie was happy to show you off. when you're walking down the street, her hand would be laced with yours, or her arm would be comfortably wrapped around your shoulder. she almost always has her hands on you, and you love it. you want people to see the relationship you've built.

when you hang out, she would take you to the movie nights jackson held, dance with you to the music at the occasional parties, and sit next to you in a booth where the seat across from you remained empty. you were hardly ever confined in your rooms unless you wanted to just relish in each other's presence uninterrupted. those nights were filled with soft kisses and whispers, laying close to one another.

she didn't deny her feelings for you, going around to different guys in town. instead, she bragged and talked about you any chance she got. half the time, she didn't even use your actual name, saying “my girlfriend” or “my girl” with a sense of what seemed to be pride. she certainly didn't want anyone to miss that you are hers and she is yours- and it worked- everyone in town had seen you together.

it felt nice. you finally had someone who loves you the way you love them and didn't want to hide it.

a knock at the door wakes you from your peaceful sleep, eliciting a soft groan past your lips. the weight on your waist lifts as ellie sits up to look at the clock, rubbing a hand down her face. “shit. babe,”

you let out a low hum in response, eyes still closed. “it's six. we have to go.” a gentle kiss is placed to your cheek as her warm hand finds a sliver of bare skin.

“don't make me replace you guys,” comes jessie's muffled voice on the other side of the door, “joel would strangle me.”

“yeah, yeah.” ellie replies with a roll of her eyes as she gets out of bed, tugging on her jeans. your own eyes open, and when you look up at her, she's already smiling down at you. you return it.

with a heavy sigh, you sit up, tossing off the warm covers to quickly stand and get ready.

before walking out of the door, ellie places a kiss on your lips, a small smile rising to both of your faces as you go outside.

“took ya long enough,” jessie rolls his eyes. “let's go, lovebirds.”

-

over the past few months, abby had been searching for the man who killed a hospital of fireflies- including her father. the second she received a tip from someone who survived that day, she was taking off to wyoming to find the man.

joel.

the name made her blood boil, and that warmth coursing through her veins kept her going through the harsh winter weather.

and now, she had him. he and his brother had saved her from a horde of infected, barely making it past the gates of the cabin without being eaten.

as they introduced themselves to her group, all of them suddenly froze. the men were confused, joking that they were acting like they've heard of them.

they can't dodge the sudden hold the group has on them, pinned to the walls as the woman looks at joel, anger in her gaze.

she's about to speak, when suddenly…

“abby?”

her head shoots behind her, seeing you.

you, who slipped from her grasp oh so long ago. you're still as beautiful as she remembers, staring at her with wide eyes.

-

you look over the mountains, hands holding your head as you lean against the railing. ellie comes to stand next to you as your eyebrows furrow.

for a moment, you think you're seeing things. off in the distance, by a large cabin, there's a horde of infected chasing after… something. she's already grabbing the binoculars from her bag and getting a closer look.

“is that-”

“-joel and tommy,” she interrupts you, already halfway across the room “there was someone with them.” you quickly follow after her, getting down to the horses and leaving the lookout at a galloping pace.

when you get to the cabin, the horde is gone, but their horses are still outside. “we've gotta find a way in,” she tells you, hopping off of her horse. you follow suit, trailing ellie's footsteps.

you come across a staircase to the patio below, lucky that the sliding glass door is unlocked. when the two of you enter, you're as quiet as you can be, listening for any sign of the two men.

it comes at the sound of a thump from downstairs, causing you to rush to the door, sneaking downstairs as fast as you can.

when you push the door open ever so slightly, your eyes widen.

“abby?” she stands with her back to you, but you'd recognize those muscles anywhere, tensing as they hold a shotgun.

at your voice, her head shoots towards you, lips parting as she stares at you with equal shock. she practically whispers your name.

everyone else turns to look at you, some of them with glares once they see who you are. “this bitch?” danny spits out, earning a sharp look from abby, “what? she abandoned us!”

“you know these people?” ellie questions from behind you, reaching for your arm as her confusion shows.

your head turns for a moment, “i was with them for a while…” you turn to look back at abby, “what are you doing here?”

“y/n,” she repeats your name, resting her gun against the table next to her before she begins to approach you, “i've been looking-”

you step closer to ellie, not wanting to get anywhere near the woman who you hoped to never see again a year ago. she looks hurt.

“let them go.” ellie tells her sternly, nodding towards the two men struggling against your prior teammates.

“i can't do that, they-” abby tries to start, but you glare at her, not even needing to say a word. she huffs, “fine. let them go.”

“but-” one of them tries to argue, but he's cut off.

“now,” she demands, and when the wolves let the two men go, abby holds your gaze. “can we talk?”

a frown pulls at your lips at the question, looking to ellie, who seems confused. “i guess so.”

when you start walking upstairs, ellie begins to follow, like the protective girlfriend she is, but abby turns to her. “alone, please.”

she looks at her, narrowing her eyes, “what you say to her can be said to me too.”

rolling her eyes, abby looks to you, silently asking the question of making her stay. with a huff, you look to ellie. “i'll be right back, babe.” you press a soft kiss to her lips, hand resting on her cheek.

the thought of showing off your relationship to the woman who never gave the same opportunity almost makes you feel proud. when you pull away, ellie looks up at you expectantly, “don't take too long.” nodding, your thumb runs along her jaw before falling back to your side.

when you turn back around, abby is already at the top of the staircase, looking at you expectantly- and you swear you see a flash of hurt in her eyes- good.

sighing, you ascend the stairs and follow her out the door, it slowly creaking shut behind you. when you're alone, your arms cross over your chest as you look at her, eyebrow raised as you wait for her to speak.

she stumbles for words for a moment, hands gesturing loosely. it was clear that she was shocked by your appearance- and now seeing that you were dating someone.

“i… where did you go?” she finally asks, voice much softer than you had expected.

taking a deep breath, you purse your lips. you had almost been hoping for more from her. “jackson.” you told her simply.

she stumbles again, “yeah- but, you know,” her gaze averting from yours. she was a lot more nervous than she ever would have expected when seeing you again. “why did you leave?”

it's hard to put into words. “i just couldn't be around you anymore.” at the response, her lips waver to avoid becoming a frown.

“you didn't give me a chance,” she says softly.

it's impossible to stop your eyes from rolling. “i gave you multiple chances,” you spit out, pointing a finger at her, “you just never wanted to commit.”

she shakes her head, “you're all i ever wanted,” she tells you, breathing shakily, “you always have been.”

“then why didn't you show it?” you seethe, “why did you go around, fucking guys like we were nothing?”

“you know why-”

“-no.” you cut her off, “i would've understood that you weren't ready, but not when you weren't even committed to me. you never wanted me.”

when she tries to speak again, you don't allow it. “we're done now. i've moved on, and you should to.”

turning on your heel, you go back to the cracked door, opening it to see ellie at the bottom. you know she was listening, that she rushed down the stairs the second you ended the conversation. she sees the crease in your furrowed eyebrows, “are you okay?” she questions, “do i need to do anything?”

shaking your head, you breathe in deeply. “just- let's go.”

as you walk past abby to leave the cabin with ellie, joel, and tommy, you can only hope that you never see her again.

but hope didn't work the last time.

taglist

@rosecentury

[lightasthesun]

i heard there was a HUGE outcry for more codywan fic recs...(@tapemonkey21 & @dontbelasagnax lol) so here I am posting another one

As always please mind the tags before diving headfirst into any fic you read and consider sharing your unbridled joy and unhinged thoughts with the writer in the comment section 😉

Desert Box by br1ghtmouth | 7k words

With a chip in his head that has already caused the ruin for which he was made, Cody finds his way to Tatooine in the hopes of tending to the painful layers of memories left behind in his own silt.

Facile Felicity by br1ghtmouth | 14k words

Primary functions are supposed to be useful: survive against all odds; shield one’s battalion; fight until the very last breath. Cody would prefer anything besides the bleeding heart he’s been dealt.

Or: the General makes plans. Cody follows.

Good man of war by scrapathon 🔒| 16k words

During a medic’s first mission with the 212th, everything goes wrong. In the midst of it all, Cody deals with his growing feelings towards General Kenobi.

Across the path by Threebea O(ThreeBea)| 1k words

Cody is inspecting a cave system. He meets his General.

No. Not his General.

“The pathway,” Obi-Wan whispered. “I understand now. C-Commander, I owe you an apology. I am not your General.”

But Obi-Wan isn't the only one that has crossed over into his universe.

Safe in hand by Threebea O(ThreeBea) | 11k words

Cody ends up where all griefstricken people on the run end up in the galaxy far, far away. He makes a life for himself looking for scrap in the deserts of Tatooine.

He always did have a knack for finding Kenobi's lightsaber.

in the middle before I knew that I had begun by tenderjock🔒| 2k words

Obi-Wan beams at him, feeling unbearably fond. His Cody. His darling. Always looking after him.

Cody’s face is very still, just a few inches above his. Obi-Wan reaches out, touches his scar.

“What are you thinking?” he wonders.

OR: as the war stumbles to its end, Obi-Wan is forced to reassess his relationship with his commander.

Floating on a Starless Sea by shadowmaat🔒| 2k words

A cave-in leaves Cody trapped and badly injured. With another contingent of droids on the way there isn't time to try and dig him out. Obi-Wan is forced to make a difficult choice.

when the jebwa flower blooms by mxartbotboy🔒| 10k words

One year since the end of the war, and Cody still hasn’t figured out what to do about Obi-Wan. With Coruscant struggling to make the transition with the New Republic, Cody already has enough on his plate without trying to untangle the knot that is his feelings for the ex-Jedi. Will the tightly twisted flower bud finally bloom?

love without compromise by mxartbotboy🔒(ch.1) |

Cody has a panicked moment with his General and reveals more than he means to.

grip my hand through the pain by The_Last_Kenobi🔒| 2k words

It's all just happened, and yet Cody cannot stop playing it over and over in his head.

The trek into the hills, the deserted path.

His General standing like a human shield between his battalion and a wall of fire.

Panacea by MissyPup | 4k words

Cody has been falling for his General for two years. Two long, war filled years. But he's been able to stay in control of his feelings by just not acknowledging them.

But having to share a bed with the man he's been daydreaming about for two years makes Cody so tense Obi-Wan decides to give him a massage to help out.

Obi-Wan would certainly be the death of him.

Facula by MissyPup | 5k words

Obi-Wan would only be gone for a few days, Cody could handle that alone. Until his thoughts catch up to him thanks to Beru.

Or: How the Kenobi series should have gone because Cody deserves to be there.

Interrobang by MissyPup | 10k words

“I love you.” Cody blurted out so fast that even he was surprised by it.

Obi-Wan leaned back a bit, enough to touch Cody’s cheek and grin, “I love you too, Cody.”

“Keeping this a secret is hard.” Cody admitted, reaching up to grip Obi-Wan’s robes again. “But I know what would happen if anyone found out… Kriff, Rex found out on his own and I thought I was going to-”

coming full circle by catboydogma 🔒| 5k words

Or: five times Obi-Wan has handed Cody his lightsaber and one time Cody handed Obi-Wan his lightsaber

A Hush Sublime by catboydogma | 10k words

When Master Qui-Gon died, Obi-Wan had known him for half his life. He thought—sometimes, distantly, like the artificial Coruscanti sunlight—that he should have told Qui-Gon more often. They hadn’t needed words in living: Qui-Gon was a man of action more than anything else, and they both had difficulties in unspooling the thick vines of feeling inside their chests enough to speak of them. Obi-Wan had loved Qui-Gon. He’d thought, more than once, that that adoring love, of the Initiate that Obi-Wan still was at heart, had been a sign of a terrible and thorny attachment.

that is that + this is this by catboydogma🔒| 8k words

“Here. Drink, Cody. Come on. Don’t die on me now, not when you went to all the trouble to get out here.”

“Didn’t know,” Cody rasped.

“So I shouldn’t be expecting a cavalcade of Imperial stormtroopers to show up here, then?” The man asked, bland as anything.

The Commander gave this the consideration it was due. “No.” “Forgive me if I don’t immediately believe you.” The man’s voice sharpened, but his grip on the Commander stayed gentle, supporting his head even when it lolled back against his will. “When have I ever let you down?” Cody asked.

The man’s breathing hitched. He set Cody back down against the blankets and retreated to his spot several feet away, blaster and charge pack between the two of them like some strange barrier. “When you killed me,” the man said.

repeat, replay, return by Serie11🔒| 3k words

The last time he saw his General, Cody was ordering him shot off a cliff.

Ten years later, and Obi-Wan is in a bacta tank again. Some things, it seems, don’t change; Cody’s feelings among them.

all the world in my arms by biscuityskies | 5k words

A brief wry smirk flashes across his face, and as Cody meets his own eyes in the reflection of his drink, it softens. If he had to rationalise it, this anxiety most likely stems from the recent developments with the general.

Something's been off about him ever since he came back from the mission to Kadavo.

Compartment Syndrome by elwenyere | 3k words

Cody was lucky, really, that Obi-Wan had lost consciousness during the crash, because otherwise he would never have gotten away with the tender pressure building in his wrist - much less the lance of pain that sliced across his arm every time he adjusted his General’s weight over his shoulder.

I Promise by dontbelasagnax🔒| 6k words

Mace raises an eyebrow almost imperceptibly. He looks over Cody for a solid thirty grueling seconds, evaluating. "Hypothetically," he says in that dry way of his that is nearly impossible to tell whether he's making fun of Cody or teaching him a lesson, "if someone wanted to propose to their partner, they'd bring it up with said partner."

[ OR: Cody has plans. He's going to make a certain Jedi a very happy man. ]

The Lessons Not Yet Learned by meadmeinthemiddle | 23k words

The Force works in mysterious ways. Cody knows this, theoretically, but it all seems so far beyond him that he tends to not pay it any mind.

Little does Cody know, the Force has its claws buried deeper into him than he can possibly imagine - he just hasn't realized it yet.

: (Is to) :: (As) by TamerLorika | 12k words

Cody notices that Kenobi's regard for himself is always clinical and utilitarian. As he ponders a way to break the stalemate, he begins to learn more about the lightsaber that is so often in his hands, and how it relates to the subject of Kenobi's own soul.

for you, only you by dontbelasagnax | 11k words

“What's next for you, my dear, now that you’re a citizen of the Republic?” Obi-Wan tilts his head, expression alight and imploring. “You could get a job and find a place of your own amongst the many levels of Coruscant- or the stars.”

Light Will Prevail by kotekenobii | 3k words

In the aftermath of battle, an exhausted Obi-Wan slips away to watch the sunrise. Worried, Cody seeks him out.

Based on the end of Obi-Wan Kenobi #3.

You're the Only Stim I Need by Captora | 7k words

The five times Marshal Commander Cody brought General Kenobi bad GAR caf and the one time Obi-Wan showed Cody what caf was supposed to taste like.

[peachhcs]

For celly propt 17 for Will and Sammy

Where it’s summer and Sammy need help with her dress and will help her but Sammy also helps Will with his tie when they are going to a fancy dinner over the summer

admiring her

hughes!sister x will smith au (samy + will blurb)

will can't help but admire his girlfriend while she ties his tie for him

0.5k words

warnings: lowkey will being a slight perv but like in a cutie way. a bit suggestive, but not really. will's just admiring his girlfriend and feeling lucky lol

hey guys i’ve been somehow extremely busy lately so i’m posting this i wrote up a few weeks ago that’s been in my drafts. i promise i will write my requests so soon!!! they do not go unnoticed and i love all the send ins!! this is extremely blurby, but i wasn't quite sure what else to add to it. hope u like it though!! thanks for the request :)

700 celly masterlist | au masterlist

“hey will, can you come in here for a second?” samy called from where she stood in her bathroom knowing her boyfriend was on the other side of the door. the blonde poked his head into the sight of samy holding her dress up with the zipper undone exposing her entire back. 

“hi, sorry. can you zip me up? i can’t reach the zipper,” she smiled, oblivious to the stare will had on her. 

his gaze shamelessly lifted over her entire body head to toe before licking his bottom lip. he shuffled forward with delicate fingers as they clasped around the zipper and one hand on samy’s hip. the blonde drew up the metal as if the dress was going to fall apart under his touch. once he reached the top, his fingers drew lightly across the rest of samy’s back that wasn’t covered by the satin cloth. 

his touch left shivers in its wake. “you look so beautiful,” will hummed, leaning down to press his lips to samy’s shoulder. 

“thank you. you look handsome,” the brunette spun around, her eyes falling over her boyfriend’s half buttoned shirt and tie draped loosely around his neck. her hands ran over his muscular arms, squeezing on the way down. her touch left the hockey player a blushing mess. 

“need help?” she tugged on his tie. 

“maybe,” will teased. 

of course he knew how to do it, he just liked it better when samy was the one standing in front of him tying his tie for him because he had more time to admire her up close when she wasn’t paying attention. 

the girl began working her magic. she buttoned up the rest of will’s shirt before she dealt with his tie. she wasn’t even touching his skin, yet any contact she made had the blonde’s head spinning in circles. even after 19 years of friendship and a year of love. will’s gaze trailed over her face again, enjoying the way it scrunched up into focus when she worked on his tie. her eyebrows became set and her tongue poked out of one side of her mouth which was a little concentration habit she’s had since they were kids. 

his eyes wandered a bit lower in places where he shouldn’t be looking, but definitely was because he could. not that he looked at her cleavage every single time, he took his height as an advantage to peak every so often when she was in a dress like the one that currently hugged every right place. he just couldn’t help himself. not when his girlfriend looked this good and he was the only one who got to see her in ways no one else could. 

“okay, you should be good,” samy patted will’s chest as she did her finishing touches. his smile grew while his one hand still on her hip pulled her a bit closer. 

“thanks, pretty girl. i love you.” 

“i love you too, will. thank you for planning this date,” summer let the couple make up for every date they missed out on during the school year and will was determined to go all out because samy deserved nothing less. 

“of course. we’ll leave in 5?” samy nodded, telling him she needed a few more minutes to touch up the last of her makeup. 

she broke away from his grasp to spin back to the mirror. will lingered in the bathroom for a few more seconds taking one last glance, a smile painting his lips because how did he get so lucky? 

[junggunz]

Like. Comment. Subscribe! ft. Goo Kim |🔞

summary: before your official collaboration with Goo, you wanted to take him for a test run cw: fem bodied!reader x camboy!goo, reader is also a streamer, smut, a tiny bit of plot, filming, oral (m and f receiving), fingering, squirting, cumshot/facial, p in v, reader gets slapped once, reader chokes goo, creampie, all characters featured are 18+, this got longer than i anticipated so let me know if i forgot anything wc: 4.5k an: BET YOU DIDNT THINK I WAS GONNA WORK ON THIS DID YOU LOL. my bad this idea was only half baked when i wrote the first part.

Part 1: Like! | Part 2: Comment!

You spent at least four weeks talking to Goo daily about the upcoming stream you had planned. Just from the first couple messages you exchanged, you knew he saw things as strictly business. Discussing protocols like scheduling, whose channel the stream would be cast from, the split of profits, STD paneling and other things along those lines that would once again be discussed with lawyers present so the two of you could come up with a contract. This type of professionalism he displayed soothed any nerves about whether Goo would be good to collaborate with.

A big dick and a business savvy mind; you had seriously struck a goldmine with him. 

Naturally, the topic of kinks and hard limits would come up—though it was technically still a work related question, it was the precursor for more personal questions and allowed you to get more of a feel for who Goo was outside of his streams. Much to your surprise, there was very little—if any—difference. Having what seems like an obsession with money, he was one of those eccentric rich guys that you had only seen in movies. However, he lacked the overtly creepy flair that a lot of those men had. Goo was funny, flirty, and overall just interesting to talk to; it made you briefly wonder about if he was open to the idea of seeing you outside of work…but the idea comes and goes with the wind as you open up a window in your bedroom, starting to feel stuffy from all the lights on you while you sat at your desk.

“Would it be too slutty to let Goo creampie me the first time we hang out?” You giggle to your viewers, teehee and haha-ing for now since you didn’t have time for a normal, full length stream in the evening. “I’m seeing him later today to talk about our collaboration. I’m so nervous.” You casually mention as you read over the chat.

antisimpsimpclub: plz record it if u do 🙏 FiveStarDickVinJin: lol I’m way better looking than him. Is that why you were too shy to ask me to collab? BIGDADDYJANGHYUN: wowww you said we were gonna collab again soon wtf…you know i have a kid to feed SEONGEUNSPANTIES: Goo is so hot in person. trust.  JaneKim123: I don’t like Goo tbh. He’s giving….SCUMBAG vibes 🤢 

Face illuminated by a light blue glow as you read over comments on the screen, you hum softly in amusement at the varied opinions your viewers had about the other streamer. It would be a lie to say that you were a fan of his prior to watching his stream; as he was a newer and still growing content creator, you never saw him pop up on your social media feeds or be recommended to you. Only with the push of a few viewers who had enjoyed both your content and his had begged for you to check out Goo after he mentioned that he wouldn’t do anything collaborative unless it was with you. 

“Goo hasn’t worked with anyone else on the site yet. It’s only natural that I claim him first before anyone else can get their filthy paws on him.”  You state as a fox-like grin graces your features, idly rocking your desk chair back and forth with your freshly manicured toes on the floor. 

KIMMIRU: power move antisimpsimpclub: Y/N is such a sweetheart helping out a smaller streamer. We love to see it.  dxgxxx: i hope u make him cum so hard he cries FiveStarDickVinjin: Goo is a greedy clout chaser. hmu later  

Quite honestly, collaborating with Goo was the last outcome you would have expected after you watched his stream. You clicked on his profile, thinking you would troll him and call him out for trying to be a social climber but when you first laid eyes on him and that perfect cock of his…you knew you had to have him. 

When you questioned him about why he wanted to work with you specifically, he had no qualms explaining that you were his best bet at rapidly increasing his viewers. Despite him trying to claw his way up the platform’s hierarchy by using you as a stepping stool, you appreciated his honesty. Seeing that garnering a large following and being able to capitalize off of that was Goo’s incentive for streaming, you kindly invited him over to give him some pointers. Totally not having any ulterior motives. 

Your short stream comes to an end when you hear your doorbell ring and you wave goodbye to all your viewers, thanking them for stopping by and tipping. Turning off your computer, you wander out to the main space of your apartment, surveying your surroundings one last time to ensure everything was in place before finally opening the door to reveal Goo standing at your doorstep. Decked in designer from head to toe as usual, he hands you a gift bag while he steps inside your apartment once the door is open wide enough. Not polite enough to say hello, but gracious enough to bring you two bottles of champagne. And not to mention, it was the brand you casually mentioned liking during one of your conversations…  

“Nice place. Mine’s nicer, but not everyone has exquisite taste like me.” Goo muses, examining your living space as he makes his way to your couch and settles down on the plush surface. “So, Streaming God, what knowledge can you bestow upon me?” He questions, getting straight to the point of his visit. 

Double checking that you locked your front door, you go to put the champagne in the fridge for the meantime. Following that, you grab your laptop that had been sitting on the kitchen island before going over to where Goo was sitting and taking the spot beside him. Pulling up his profile on the platform you both streamed on. Stony expression to hide the heat tickling your belly, you scrub through a few of his previous streams then ask him to show you his other social media accounts.

“For someone streaming on an adult website, your streams are too tame. It’s almost boring.” You say bluntly, opinion now fully formulated as you continue to scroll through his highlights. “Viewers are already paying a subscription fee to the website just to see content and you’re begging them for more money only to see the outline of your dick.” 

“If they want to see the goods, they can check my OnlyFans.” He shrugs with a small laugh. 

“As a content creator, you need to at least be able to give the illusion that you’re letting your audience into your life.” You explain, turning toward him with a serious expression.  “Putting everything behind a paywall just increases the likelihood of someone leaking your stuff and making you lose more money.” 

The mention of losing out any sort of capital gain has Goo listening more intently to the advice you give him. He cringes at the notion of giving previews of his dick for free; but if you say that’s the surefire way to draw people and their wallets in, who is he to complain? Even with over one thousand subscribers, he's not making nearly as much bank as you.  

From your long winded lecture, there are three points that Goo takes to heart.

Be open to the suggestions of your viewers. They love feeling like they’re being listened to.

Express gratitude for your donations. Rewarding your highest tippers almost always leads to them spending more money.

Make your viewers think they have a chance at fucking you.

“Why don’t we film something tonight? I’ll even edit the preview for you and show you how to do it yourself.” You suggest to him after wrapping up the lengthy conversation on how to improve his content. “You can upload the full length, uncensored video as a pay per view.”

“What? Like as a teaser for the upcoming stream?” Goo questions, arching a brow curiously upon hearing your idea. Perking up, he sits up a bit straighter as he looks at your expression, waiting for what you had to say about the idea you seemingly hatched out of nowhere.

“Exactly.” You respond, more than delighted to see that you’ve gotten his full attention. “Plus, if we wait until the stream to fuck, the viewers are most definitely going to talk shit when things are awkward.” 

Goo pretends to think it over and “check his schedule” to see if he had time tonight. It’s a ruse to hide the fact he was eager borderlining on desperate to get into your pants. He can’t remember the last time he went out and got laid since hookups long lost their appeal and having strangers throw money at him just for being hot was enough of an ego boost.   

And so the first filming session ensues. 

For an “amateur” style set up, Goo notices that you’re very meticulous about where you place your tripods and lighting; having no problem ordering him around and telling him where to go as you figure out the best configuration for things. Lights and cameras in place, all that's missing is the action. There's no director to yell cue or remind Goo to get in place. It's just you. Though you do offer some instruction, the male is unsure what to do because never had he been in a sexual situation quite like this. 

“Just pretend the cameras aren’t there.” You tell him once everything is all arranged to your liking and the two of you are sitting next to each other stiffly at the edge of your bed. 

Well acclimated to the environment, you don’t think twice before leaning in to make the first move; a soothing hand on Goo’s thigh as your lips find his. Your boldness catches him by surprise at first but it takes only a moment before he matches your energy, reciprocating your kiss even more fervently as his hands reach to cup your jaw. Thumbs lightly pressing into the hollows of your cheeks, Goo’s tongue slips out in search of yours; dancing along your lower lip until your mouth opens for him and he’s able to get his first taste of you. Long fingers spidering down the column of your throat, he applies the lightest amount of pressure on the side of your neck and causes your breath to hitch as his tongue sweeps along the warmth of your mouth. Breaking the kiss for just a few moments, he looks at you with a mischievous smile.

“You like that?” Goo whispers against your lips, giving a light squeeze to your neck which provokes a shaky sigh from you.

“Yeah—” You manage to get out in a breathy voice, swallowing thickly as you try to retain some semblance of control; but quite honestly all you can think about is tearing off his clothes and hopping on his dick.

“Jog my memory a bit. Tell me what else you like.” He coos, holding you in place as he stares you down. “What did you say you wanted to do with me?” 

A short laugh tickles the back of your throat when you hear Goo’s question and start to hark back to all your raunchy conversations with him. Lighthearted in nature, you never would have guessed that the casual naughty back and forth through texts had him struggling to reply with one hand holding his phone the other hand stroking his cock. But as your hand crawls up his inner thigh and cups his bulge while you’re speaking to him, you understand the impact your words have on him.

“Aw, what’s the fun in that?” You croon with an impish grin, your fingertips already dancing toward the buckle of his expensive belt. “I’ll just show you.”

It becomes very clear to Goo why you’re the top earner on the website. The way you speak. The way you move. It’s all so effortlessly seductive. If he wasn’t watching you slink down to your knees right before his eyes and pull his pants down to free his throbbing cock, he would have sworn this was some sort of fantasy or augmented reality. Seeing you in the flesh, you were definitely too good to be true but that’s what made you the perfect virtual girlfriend in the line of adult streaming. 

“You really are prettier in person.” You murmur, the warmth of your breath gently fanning against the head of his length when you speak. 

You might be fixed on his pulsing dick right in front of your face but you look so, so, so good to Goo; your mouth just an inch or so away from his cock. The hunger in your eyes mirrors his and it’s something he doesn’t think he’s seen before. After being disappointed one too many times, getting head stopped being exciting for him. All his hook ups always missed the mark. Whether it be his cock being too long for them, their jaw aching, or not liking the way he bucked his hips into their face; it was all the same. But you? You seem absolutely thrilled by the fact his dick would definitely be blocking your airways when you took him into your mouth. 

So you do it without thinking too much.

To be embraced by your warm mouth is what Goo assumes it's like to be welcomed to the gates of heaven. It's an all consuming feeling of elation that fills his field of vision with white. He can't even fathom the level of pleasure he'll feel when you make him cum–just the sensation of you gently sucking him off and massaging his shaft with your tongue seems like the pinnacle of bliss. Caught between a rock and a hard place, Goo is unsure if cumming too quickly or if starting to cry from how good he felt would be more embarrassing. Both seem like very viable options when you're paying so much attention to him and giving him the sloppiest top he'll probably ever get in his life.

“F-fuck, what are you?” Goo rasps in disbelief of how good you felt, blinking back the tears that formed in his eyes from the overwhelming pleasure.

He doesn’t think it can get any better than this; but it does. Your mouth inches further down his shaft, swallowing carefully with your tongue pressed against the underside. When you gag the first time, Goo expects you to pull off immediately but you just keep going; your eyes teary just like his as you drool around him. Once the tip of his cock hits the back of your throat, Goo is sure that’s where you’ll stop– he was more than content like this. Breathing slowly through each gag, you push yourself until your chin grazes his full sack; swallowing around him to stimulate his length because it was too difficult to suck when your lips were stretched around his girth like this. 

Even though you’ve taken him fully, Goo is greedy and he wants to just yank on your hair then start fucking your face but it’s his legs feeling like jelly that stop him. All he can currently do is moan like a slut, enjoying the slick heat of your mouth as you take him in; not leaving an inch out. Running a rough hand through your hair, Goo grips it tight before using that strong hold to bob your head along his cock faster. Squeezing your eyes shut, you whine around him, breathing heavily through your nose to fight your gag reflex.

You really hope that your camera’s microphones are able to pick up the pornographic noises of the wet sputters, groans that are closer to whimpers from him, and the needy gasps and gags from you. It’s downright vulgar and the sound alone is to make anyone feel some type of way. So wrapped in the pleasure of your mouth, Goo forgets that everything is currently being filmed. He can’t be bothered to hold back when he feels his balls tightening up before shooting his load right down your throat, the thick white ribbons of his cum continuing to spray across your face when you pull your mouth off him. 

Sitting back on your knees, you wrap your hand around his slick shaft to pump every last drop out of him; letting more of it splatter on your face and chest and drip down your hand. Using your clean hand to lightly slap his thigh and bring him back into the present moment, you motion for him to grab your phone that was on a handheld stabilizer.

Thank god for the equipment you owned; Goo was shaking so bad he definitely wouldn’t have been able to film properly. Just looking at you covered in his cum had prevented his cock from softening. Seeing how pathetic he was when he reached his climax, you can’t help but smile when you see length aching for more. After getting a few clips of you swallowing his seed, you get cleaned up then move into the next act.

Laying back on your bed with Goo between them, eyeing your clothed cunt hungrily, it’s now your turn to film him.

“Most male content creators forget that their female dominated audience don’t wanna see them fucking some girl; they wanna be able to imagine that they’re the girl getting fucked.” You had told Goo during one of your conversations with him about growing his platform. 

Peeling your panties off your body carefully, he wants to look at you and see your reaction to his touch but he’s only met with a camera lens of your phone. Maybe seeing your face would be too much for Goo anyway; he felt like he was being suffocated by the delectable scent and the succulent visual of your pussy in front of his face. You watch him through the screen with bated breath, trying your best to keep your sounds to a minimum when you feel his tongue make contact with your pussy for the first time. Gripping your thighs tight, Goo licks fat stripes of your folds; spreading them just enough with his tongue so he could taunt your swollen clit with the feathery contact. He can feel your legs lock up as your toes dig into the sheets as an attempt to ground yourself and stop your hips from bucking against his face.

Goo can’t remember the last time he went down on someone, but he definitely doesn’t recall the last time he’s felt this needy while doing it. The way you drip all over his tongue is addicting; he can’t stop himself from shoving the wet muscle into your pussy deeper and deeper until his nose is pressed against your clit. He would gladly suffocate himself between your thighs if it meant he could taste every last bit of you. His fingers nearly bruise your skin when he grips you tighter to yank you closer to his mouth; ravenously eating your pussy all while the tip of his nose stimulates your pearl.

Moaning into your flesh, he can’t bear even the idea of you trying to pull away from him before he’s had his fill of you. The way you clench on his tongue sends heat straight to his cock much like how each of the sounds he makes makes you drip all over his face. Meanwhile, you feel like you’re gonna burst from having to keep your voice down. You had mentally prepared yourself for leg shaking orgasms that would be brought on by Goo’s perfect cock but you did not anticipate how good he would be with his mouth. Guess his mouth was good for more than just talking big game; he could definitely back it all up. 

Holding on to the glorified selfie stick with a death grip, you can’t hold back the moan that pours from your lungs when Goo’s tongue moves to swirl around your clit while his fingers dip into your leaking hole. The naughty expression gracing his beautiful face as he stares at the camera while curling his ring and middle fingers inside of you has your thighs trembling. He finds your sweet spot so easily, it’s unfair. The dual simulation of his fingers pressing into your walls while his lips envelope your clit drives you mad with pleasure. It’s a paradox of emotions as you crave more of him yet feel like you’re gonna combust if he doesn’t let up on you. 

“F-fuck, you’re gonna be the death of me.” You pant quietly, teeth sinking into your lower lip as you try to keep back any more of your sounds.

“Aw, sweetheart, we haven’t even gotten to the good part.” Goo chastises you, lips momentarily leaving your clit before he spits on the pulsating bud then rubs over it in circles with his thumb. “Your pussy is just so wet– it’s the perfect thing for quenching my thirst.”

He chuckles in amusement when he feels your walls squeeze around his fingers in response to his words. 

“I bet I could make this juicy little pussy cum in just three…two…one.” In a mere three rough but very precise pushes against your g-spot, a surprised squeal escapes you as you squirt all over his fingers.

You were definitely going to keep a copy of this video for yourself. 

Goo laps up the aftermath of your release hungrily, slurping up every last bit of your juices until he could only taste his own saliva on you. After that, both of you shed your remaining clothes, double checking that the rest of the tripods were still in a good position to capture everything.

“You wanna fuck me missionary? I didn’t know you were a romantic.” You tease as Goo mounts you after pushing you to lay back against the bed again; now able to take in the sight of you fully. 

“Or maybe I want you to get a good look at the person who’s about to make you cum so hard you forget your name.” He taunts, gripping his shaft in one hand while dragging it through your slick folds; tapping the head against your sensitive clit.

“Haha, so fu–ck!” Goo takes the words right out of your mouth when he abruptly dips into your heat.

One hand finds its way to clutch onto your leg while the other holds himself up beside your head, watching the way your pussy swallows up his length oh so eagerly. The fat tip of his cock makes your head spin– stretching you out in the best way and molding your walls to fit him. Giving a few slow but incredibly deep thrusts, you feel the plump tip of his cock digging deep into your sopping cunt so animalistically it has your vision going spotty. Setting off a brutal pace, the force of his hips rutting into you feels like a truck just slammed into you. It rips the moans right out of your throat and you can only let out a surprised gasp. 

“Feels so much better to have me inside of you instead of some stupid toy, doesn’t it?” He asks between deep thrusts, filling you the hilt. 

Everything is so sloppy and wet; your pussy does all the talking for you as it squeezes him tight and produces lewd squelches every time he pushes into your heat. His thick cock tickles deep in your gummy insides and it has you salivating from how ridiculously good it feels. The moment your eyes start to droop as your mind drifts to who knows where, Goo gives your cheek a light slap.

“I told you, I want you to look at me while I fuck you.” He says, his voice lowering menacingly; the usual look of mischief in his eyes gone and replaced by a dark lust.

Licking his lips, he can still taste you on them and it makes his cock throb even harder when it’s paired with you looking up at him with that blissed out expression on your face. The way your body bounces each time he slams into you. The way you grab at the sheets so desperately. Everything about how you look beneath him in this very moment makes him want to tear into you like no other.

Sure, Goo is putting on a performance that would definitely cause his viewership to skyrocket; but he doesn’t give a fuck about that right now. All he cares about is fucking you so good that you get hooked on him; because he’s definitely developed a taste for you. Holding his cock deep inside of your pussy, his mean thrusts turn into rough grinds of his hips; making sure to very deliberately press his pubic bone against your clit each time the tip of his cock kisses that special spot deep within you. 

“Oh, fuck me–” You groan out between gritted teeth as Goo pushes into you, tremors running through your body as you get dangerously close to your finish.

“Isn’t that what I’m doing?” Goo laughs, rolling his hips into you harder. “You want more, don’t you? You’re gonna make a mess all over my dick if I give it to you?”

Moaning in frustration because of how much just his words affect you, you relinquish your hold on the sheets; your hands sliding up his strong arms and landing on his shoulders. You catch Goo by surprise when one of your hands wraps around his throat, squeezing lightly.

“Just shut up and make me cum.” You tell him, masking the desperation you truly felt with a malice filled voice. 

“You don’t need to tell me twice.” He snickers before starting to slam into your sweet spot hard, pulling his hips back until the tip only remains then disappearing inside of you again. 

Your pussy was already clinging on to him so good. As he feels your walls fluttering around him as you approach your finish, it spurs his on as well. The urge to cum builds up so fast, but Goo’s hips move faster; encouraged by the way your hole just keeps squeezing tighter and tighter with every slam of his hips. 

“A-ah…I’m cumming.” You whine out, unconsciously gripping Goo harder in all the right ways. The combined sensation of your juices soaking his dick while clamping down on him and your hand on his neck choking him harder makes his brain short circuit. Tumbling head first into orgasmic bliss, he can’t think to pull out and thoughtlessly floods your cunt with his cum, spilling it all right into your cervix. He pumps every last drop into you before finally pulling out, flopping on to the mattress and trying to catch his breath and make sense of what just happened.

Surprising him yet again, you’re quick to recover and hop out of bed–despite your trembling legs– to end the recording and turn off all your cameras. Closing his eyes, Goo hears you walking back and forth around the room doing whatever you need to do but he jolts back into full attention when you rather aggressively plop back in bed beside him; this time with your laptop.

“Are you ready to work? Or should I give you a few more minutes?”

[featherandferns]

3 maybe a fluffy smut

3. Technically speaking, this is not my fault.

Additional ask by same anon: Okay wait I sent in 3 but that has a pregnancy blurb would be everything like smutty fluff

dude this is pure filth, I am so sorry. But hey! Hope you enjoy lol (I'm going to hell)

content warning: sexual content (fem receiving, p in v technically protected) - MDNI; mentions of emergency contraception; unplanned pregnancy

plan b - prompt 3

Thank God the chateau is empty save for you and JJ, because neither of you are being particularly quiet.

You’re practically screaming as he eats you out, a vibrator held steady on your clit. The asshole that he is, JJ has the audacity to laugh at you. He keeps chuckling against your shaking thigh, pressing kisses into the skin because he can’t keep his mouth off you for even a second. 

“Feel good, baby?”

He already knows the answer to that. You nod against the pillow, forehead damp with sweat. JJ toys with the settings of your vibrator and another moan racks your body. 

“Jesus Christ, why did we wait to get one of these?”

“Fucking do something, JayJ,” is your slurred response.

JJ laughs again, voice deep and husky, before obliging. His tongue slips in and out of your hole, lapping at your wet, parched like he’s been lost at sea. You aimlessly grasp at the ruined sheets, feeling your third climax fast approaching. 

“Fuck, fuck, fuck,” you gasp as it builds. 

JJ leans back, replacing his mouth with his fingers. The cold metal of his rings presses at your entrance and it only amplifies everything. A strange but satisfying feeling builds deep inside of you, unfamiliar. Practically seeing stars, you come with a broken moan of his name. But as you topple over the edge, you soon realise that your body is reacting completely different to how it usually does. You lose all control, succumbing to the pleasure. Finally, as you come back down, you can make out JJ’s astounded laugh. 

“Holy shit,” he mutters. 

Panting, you shift yourself to take him in. You’d squirted. If it weren’t for the expression on his face and the raging hard on in his boxers, you’d be embarrassed. But you can’t find it in yourself to be with the way JJ is looking at you, like he wants to devour you whole. 

“Oops?” you meekly say. 

JJ flips you over frantically, looming on top of you. His lips crash onto yours, consuming your every sense as he sloppily prods his tongue into your mouth. He grabs at your thighs and shoves your legs up so your knees are practically by your head. And then he’s shoving off his boxers and lining himself up. It’s when his dick prods your entrance that you come back to your senses. 

“Wait, wait, wait! Need a condom!”

JJ groans, annoyed and impatient. He rifles through the bedside drawer, his frown growing deeper and deeper with every passing second. 

“Shit, there ain’t any,” he mutters. 

“Please tell me you’re messing with me,” you beg, hands coming to cup at your face. It’s ironic you saying that when he’s the one that’s been patiently holding out for the last hour.

JJ gets to his feet and turfs through the door thoroughly. Nothing. He goes through his wallet, his short pockets, your bag. Nothing. Cursing up a storm, he shoves his way into the bathroom and turns the place upside down. You hear a loud whoop when he returns, holding the packet up like a trophy. You sigh out a laugh, elated with relief. With that, JJ doesn’t waste another second.

He fucks you hard and fast, holding out longer than you expected considering the edging torture he’d undergone whilst praising your body like a temple. It was an unspoken agreement that this part was more for him than for you. Besides, you’re so wound up that it hardly takes anything for you to come again. 

The post-sex bliss is short lived though. After JJ peppers your body with groggy smooches, he moves away with a promise to grab a flannel to help clean you up. But then he stops mid-sentence. You crack open an eye, smiling doppily as you take in your boyfriend. His expression kills the joy. 

“What? What’s wrong?”

JJ stares at you, wide eyed. “The condom split.”

You jolt up in bed. “What!?”

“It must have been an old one or something!”

You scramble for the packet and look at the date. Expiration date: 2017. Your mouth slowly falls open. Wordlessly, you hand it to him. 

“Shit. We gotta get that plan B pill now,” JJ says. 

You agree. Legs wobbly, he helps you dress and the two of you head out to the nearest pharmacy. Morning after pill equipped, you take it and put the whole nightmare to bed as a lesson learnt. Crisis averted. 

Easy to say your victory was far too early. So, four weeks later, as you and JJ stare down at the positive pregnancy test in his bathroom, he sheepishly smiles at you. 

“Technically speaking, this is not my fault.”

[thebiggerbear]

Close Enough - Russell Shaw x Reader

Summary: When you'd met the Shaws at the morgue the day before, you thought that had been the end of it and you wouldn't need to see one Shaw brother in particular again. Little did you know that Colter was about to once again ask for your help and not only would you be forced to see Russell again but things were about to change drastically for the both of you.

Pairing: Russell Shaw x Female!Reader; Russell Shaw x Female!FBI Special Agent!Reader

A/N: Sequel to So Close. I wanted to follow up and reveal what happened between Russell and the reader in the past but as I was writing it, this idea popped into my head in addition to that and I just had to see where it went. This was the end result lol. Hope it's okay.

Unbeta'd so all mistakes are mine. I still have not seen Tracker (besides 1x12) because I just haven't had the time for a proper binge yet so if I got some things wrong about Colter and his experience in the show, I apologize.

Also, I always like to throw the disclaimer out there anytime I write something related to the universe of law enforcement: I have never worked in law enforcement so I tried to piece together things I’ve seen and heard in true crime documentaries and podcasts alongside with movies/tv and books. I apologize for any inconsistencies, incorrect information, exaggerations, or complete fallacies. Basically, I made shit up.

Songs I listened to while writing: Somebody That I Used to Know by Gotye; Easy Living by Loretta Lynn & Conway Twitty; Sweet Dreams by Patsy Cline; Sounds of Someday by Radio Company

Warnings: sanctioned assassination; death; gun violence; violence/blood mention; mention of dead bodies; arson; implied sex; a very, very tiny amount of smut(ish); language (I guess?)

Word Count: 16K+

Russell Taglist: @deangirl96 (I hope you don't mind me tagging you in this one; this is going to lead into the series that I mentioned)

Jensen Taglist: @samanddeaninatrenchcoat

Dividers by @firefly-graphics

Your phone started to buzz and you glanced at the screen, rolling your eyes and letting out a sigh before picking up. That wasn’t the normal reaction you would have to seeing Colter’s name pop up on your phone but ever since that mess back at the morgue yesterday, you had been hoping he wouldn’t contact you again. At least not until his brother went back to whatever hole he’d crawled out of. But now it looked like that had been a fool’s hope, on both counts.

“You what?” You hissed.

“We’re about to head to this home in the Blue Ridge Mountains and go in to get Doug,” he repeated.

“I’m sorry, an incredible amount of stupid just sounded in my ear. Can you repeat that?”

“Reenie got me the location and it’s solid intel.” He lowered his voice. “Look, I thought we should get law enforcement involved, alright? But there’s a…valid reason why Russ doesn’t want to call them that I can’t get into right now.”

“Whoops, more stupid. One more time?”

Colter groaned into the phone. “Come on, Y/N.”

“I’m serious, Colter. What the hell are either of you think—wait, scratch that. What the hell are you thinking? Going into a dangerous location like that without any backup? If Carlos Solano found your missing man in a safehouse, do you think he won’t be armed to the teeth? That he won’t have guards patrolling the compound that you’re walking right into? That he won’t see something like this coming? You guys are walking right into a shitstorm.” Christ, you loved the guy like a long-lost brother that you sometimes kept in touch with but if he were in front of you right now, you would’ve delivered one good smack to the back of his head to get him thinking straight. Colter may know his way around a gun, but he wasn’t someone who had formal training or combat experience like Russell did. He didn’t even have your training and you wouldn’t be going in there kamikaze-style like they were.

“That’s why I’m calling you and asking you to meet us there. I’m not exactly calling in law enforcement but we’ll have one more person to watch our backs and help us search for Doug. And who better than a special agent with the FBI?”

You sat back in your chair, shaking your head but thinking it over. This was beyond stupid and you shouldn’t be encouraging it. Russell’s involvement in this idiot plan didn’t surprise you; Colter’s did. He knew better. But you also knew that if he thought he had a chance to get the missing guy back home safely, he was going to take it, no matter the personal risk. If you didn’t go like he asked and anything happened to him or Russell, you’d never forgive yourself.

“Please?” 

You pinched the bridge of your nose between your thumb and forefinger, your decision made. “Send me the location and I’ll leave now to meet you.”

“Thank you.” You could hear the genuine gratitude in his tone. “I promise I’ll explain everything.”

“You better,” you nearly growled before disconnecting the call. You had a feeling you knew what he was going to tell you but for his sake, you hoped it wasn’t anything close to what you were thinking. But why else would Russell not want to call law enforcement for help in rescuing his friend who had been taken hostage by a foreign criminal? God, you hoped you were wrong.

You let out another loud sigh and before you could stand, your phone started ringing again. When you glanced at the screen, instead of a name, you saw “Blocked”. Not good.

You swiped green, holding it to your ear. “Y/L/N.”

“We have a problem,” said the voice on the other end, one you knew all too well, and it didn't sound happy. Shit.

You watched as Colter’s truck pulled up alongside your car. Colter got out and noticed you leaning against your trunk, arms crossed and a scowl in place. Russell came around from the other side. 

“Either of you boys see two suicidal idiots around here? Oh, wait.”

Russell’s jaw tightened. “It wasn’t my idea to call you.” He slid a glare over to his brother. 

“You’re lucky he did,” you snapped. “And since I’m here,” You got to your feet and turned to open your trunk, revealing a smorgasbord of gear and weapons. “We’re going to be doing this my way.” You held out a bulletproof vest to Colter first and he immediately started to strap it on. You held one out to Russell but he shook his head and didn’t take it. You glanced over to find he had already put his own on while you’d been grabbing one for his brother.

“Okay, look,” Russell started, his eyes scanning your makeshift armory and setting your teeth on edge. “This isn’t some FBI raid of some drug gang. This guy, Carlos Solano, he’s the real deal. He’s as dangerous as they come.”

You could feel your irritation turning into anger at the suggestion that you didn’t know how serious this was, and from him of all people. “And what am I? Some part-time mall security guard? A receptionist at the Academy? I’ve dealt with cartels before and they’re as dangerous as they come, too. So take that mansplaining and shove it right up where the sun doesn't shine.”

Russell took a step closer and laid a hand on your shoulder, his eyes burning into you. “Be pissed at me all you want but I don’t want you getting hurt.”

“But you’re okay with your brother getting hurt?” You briefly glanced in Colter’s direction. The younger man was watching you two carefully as he adjusted his vest one last time, wisely choosing to stay out of this one. 

Russell’s jaw clenched and he dropped his hand. “I’ve got him.”

You snorted and grabbed a gun, loading it quickly. “And I’ve got both of you. Now, we’ve got a bit of a hike so let’s cut the chit chat and get this over with, shall we?” You motioned for Colter to turn around and you inserted an extra handgun into the back of his belt. “We stick together as a unit. You hear me? No wandering off alone.”

Colter faced you again. “Yes, Mom,” he teased.

You swatted at his shoulder before checking the fit of his vest, nodding in approval.

“I have done this before, you know.”

You knew that already. You’d been there with him a couple of times for such instances. “Good for you,” you quipped. “But for kicks, how about you just humor me?”

He rolled his eyes and you smirked, turning to slam the trunk shut. You glanced up to find Russell watching you, his jaw still tight but his eyes containing a familiar light that you hadn’t seen in a while. “You good?”

“Yep.” And just like that, the light hollowed out, replaced by something far colder yet familiar, but not because you’d seen it in his gaze. You’d seen it often enough in your own when looking into the mirror. 

Pushing that thought away and shifting focus, you began to lead the way into the trees. “Alright, let’s do this and get Doug home in time for breakfast.” Colter flanked you on your right while Russell came up on your left. 

“Let’s rock and roll,” he agreed. 

It hadn’t been as bad as you’d been expecting, even after you��d received the intel Colter had referred to on the phone. One guard and three henchmen. You were annoyed and almost insulted that they had presented so little a challenge considering Carlos Solano was supposed to be this big bad criminal. But when you glanced over and saw Colter looking over Russell’s bloody jacket sleeve, you regretted the thought and gratitude immediately filled you that things hadn’t been worse. Russell had taken a bullet to the arm and thankfully, it had passed right through. 

Before you could shoot the bastard that shot him, Colter and Russell were on it. You watched in awe as the brothers moved as a single unit, almost as if they hadn’t been strained or missed a beat over the years. You supposed you should be happy that they were working together rather than still arguing over shit from a lifetime ago that had torn their family apart. For Colter’s sake at least.

Just then, you heard what sounded like a small plane outside. You hurried to a window and glanced outside, seeing a rapidly descending charter plane aiming for the tiny landing strip in the back of the property. Right on time.

You let the curtain fall and looked back at the guys. “Time to go.”

Doug’s face was ashen while Colter and Russell exchanged glances. Immediately, Russell picked up his gun and got ready to leave the room.

You rushed to stop him. “There will be none of that!” 

“You guys get Doug back to the truck. I’ll handle this.”

You practically jogged around him, planting yourself in his path. “Not happening.”

He glared down at you. “Y/N, I need to close this up. Move.”

You scowled right back. “You’ve been shot.”

“I’m fine.”

“No, you’re not.”

“I have to finish this.”

You refused to budge. “You are not finishing anything. You’re getting the hell out of here, that’s what you’re doing.” 

“Y/N—”

“Guys, not the time,” Colter interceded. “He’s getting off that plane any second now, so what’s the plan?”

“She’s right, man,” Doug added, making both of your gazes snap over at him. “We really need to go.”

Voices suddenly sounded outside and you all glanced towards the window.

“Shit,” you muttered, quickly checking the chamber on your gun. As you were about to head out of the room, a hand grasped gently under your chin and forced your eyes to meet Russell’s. You could see the pleading there but also a stone-cold resignation. “Go with Colter and Doug,” he urged, giving you a brief but strained smile. “I need you to go.” You felt the rough skin of his thumb on your cheek as he moved it tenderly back and forth.

You knew what he was really telling you, what he planned to do, but hell if you weren’t more infuriated with him. You were so sick of the self-sacrificial bullshit. Hadn’t it cost you enough? Cost you both?

You pulled away from him, giving him a glare. “I don’t think you understand,” you said in a tone so cold you were pretty sure you could give the winds in Antarctica a run for their money. “I’m taking Solano in and I am not leaving until I have my suspect alive and in custody.” Russell looked pissed but you couldn’t care less. Better than him being dead in the next two minutes.

You turned to face Colter and Doug so they also got the message. “This case is under Federal jurisdiction now.” Colter glanced between you and his brother who you turned back to face. “I’m bringing him in. Got it?”

Russell went to say something but didn’t get the chance. The sounds of gunfire erupted right outside the room and you all had to duck for cover. 

You secured your handcuffs around Carlos Solano’s wrists that had been forced behind his back once you shoved him into the chair in the room, purposely tightening the metal bracelets past the point of comfort. The man reacted, cursing you out as you smirked up at him. 

Getting to your feet, you focused on the Shaws and Doug. Russell watched you with a glare while Colter waited for you to speak. Doug looked downright terrified. They had helped you to take down Solano’s men who had flown with him — all three of them. Russell aimed for Solano but at the last second, you got in his way and tackled the criminal to the ground. Needless to say, he wasn’t happy with you. Oh well. The feeling was mutual.

Colter placed his hands on his hips. “Alright, so how are we getting him back to the truck? Are we just going to drag him through the woods and hope we don’t come across anybody else he might have coming here? How are we going to work this?”

You slipped your gun back into your holster. “He doesn’t have anyone else coming here and the plan is that you three are going to head back to the truck and get out of here. I’m going to wait for a pickup,” You gestured towards the window with your thumb where the landing strip could be seen. “They’re nearby, waiting for my call, and they won’t take long to get here.” You shook your phone in your hand, indicating you were going to be using it.

Russell glanced around, as if expecting Agents to start popping up out of the woodworks at any second, before his eyes settled back on you. “So you called this in after all?”

You shrugged. “You were going into a fully armed compound to rescue a hostage, a two-man team against a crime lord on the FBI’s Most Wanted list? Yeah, of course, I did.”

He shook his head, chuckling and muttering a curse under his breath. “Of course you did,” he echoed, shooting a look over at his brother. 

Colter’s gaze flickered back to you. “We’ll wait with you until they get here.”

You offered up a small smile. “I appreciate it but not necessary. I’ve got this until they get here and I do the handover.”

“But—”

“Look, you should get Doug out of here.” You inclined your head in the direction of the man who was staring dazedly at the floor. “You need to get him checked out and your brother should get his arm looked at.”

“I’m fine,” Russell interjected.

You ignored him. “I’ll be alright, Colter. Believe it or not, you tend to get experience with this kind of thing once or twice before becoming a Special Agent.” You meant it as a light-hearted reassurance but you could tell that both Shaw brothers were going to be a hard sell. At least Colter’s reasoning was up front and above board.

“I’m sure but I don’t feel comfortable leaving you alone. Not with him.” Colter gestured towards Solano who spit in his direction.

“I won’t be for long. But you guys need to get out of here. The Bureau can’t know you were involved in this.” You shot him a meaningful look. “For multiple reasons.”

The younger man looked as if he was going to protest again when you held up a hand. “Colter. You may not like it but you need to do as I’m telling you. If the Bureau finds any of you here…” You could tell that he didn’t care so much about himself but you let your eyes briefly flick in Russell’s direction, who was busy glaring at the man you had bound to the chair. You saw Colter’s expression immediately change and you knew you had succeeded in convincing him to vacate the area as soon as possible.

He nodded his head in assent. “Okay.” He laid a hand on Doug’s shoulder, prompting the man to look up at him, and urged him to start moving to the door.

“Okay? What do you mean okay?” Russell huffed.

Colter held up a hand. “Russell—”

“No.” Russell turned a glare on you. “Not okay. He’s a loose end that needs tying up. He knows who we are now, he came after Doug, and the FBI isn’t going to do shit with him.” You narrowed your eyes in a glare but he continued. “That’s not an insult. It’s the truth and you know it. They’re going to what? Get him to talk, to roll over on someone else he has connections to who’s higher up their food chain, and he gets off scot free? No, not happening on my watch.” 

He took a step forward and so did you, in front of Solano. You drew your gun but held it loosely across your waist, your finger on the trigger, ready and waiting should you need it. Russell stopped cold, his eyes flickering back and forth between you and the weapon in your hand. Colter and Doug were frozen, watching the scene unfold.

“I told you,” you said in the most deadly serious tone you could muster. “I’m taking him in, alive. If you have a problem with that, well…” You flipped the safety on the gun off. “You’ll have to go through me. And I promise you, my aim is a hell of a lot more accurate at close range than it’s ever been.”

Russell didn’t blink, he just kept scowling at you.

“Russ?” Colter called.

“Don’t make me kill you in front of him, Russell,” you murmured so only the two of you would hear. You were serious as a heart attack. No matter how you had felt about him once upon a time, this was important enough for you to make good on your threat if you needed to.

“You wouldn’t.”

“I would and it will be justified by the higher ups as protection of a high-valued target before your body goes cold.” You hated saying the words but it was nothing but the truth that you spoke. You hoped he heard the message underneath your words: walk away, this isn’t worth dying over. “And he’ll be further traumatized,” you inclined your head in Colter’s direction. “Losing his brother right in front of him, just like he lost his dad.” You knew that was a severely low blow but he also needed to hear you. 

As expected, Russell’s jaw clenched and you saw a twitch in the good arm he had, the one that was holding his gun. “Don’t be stupid and do that to him,” you warned. “Walk away.”

That cold look was back in his eyes again. You mentally prepared yourself for what was about to go down. You had hoped he wouldn’t force your hand but then again, Russell Shaw had always been the epitome of stubborn, usually to his own detriment…and yours.   

“Russell?” Colter tried again.

“Russ, come on, man. Let it be for now,” Doug added in, trying to help. “And let’s regroup.”

This time, Russell appeared to hear them both, his gaze breaking from yours momentarily, flickering over Solano behind you, who was laughing and smirking in the former’s direction, clearly enjoying the standoff over him. 

Russell’s eyes met yours again but this time, there was nothing familiar about the green you used to stare into when he’d sway with you on the dance floor to a slow song playing overhead or when you’d both wear matching sated grins and laugh, a pleasant exhaustion overtaking you as he pulled you into his arms in a motel bed. It was almost like staring into a dark void and you couldn’t help but wonder how often that void showed up during war or if the war created it — the old chicken or the egg question. Either way, you knew you’d succeeded in convincing him to leave, but you’d also have to watch yourself. There was no warmth left in those jade-colored orbs when they focused on you. You’d done your work well; you’d crossed a line that you could never go back from.

“Alright,” he capitulated, loud enough that the two men near the doorway heard him. He relaxed his arm and slipped his gun into a pocket in his vest. His face lightened a little and a strained smile worked its way across his face. He glanced back at his brother. “She’s right. We should get Doug out of here.” He turned back to face you, his smile fading. “She’s got this.” He then glanced in Solano’s direction, smirking right back. “I’ll see you soon,” he promised, giving him a finger gun and winking, before his expression became stone once more and he walked away, glaring at you as he did.

You lifted your chin, not reacting in the slightest, until Solano shouted out, “You’ll be seeing me? No, puta, I’ll be seeing you. You’ll never see it coming, you hear me? You’ll never see it co—” You spun a few degrees and pistol-whipped him, causing the jackass to cry out in pain before you turned back to face Doug and the two most important men in your life. “Get going,” you growled out, lifting your phone with your other hand as a subtle threat.

Colter gave you a nod, the concern still there in his dark brown gaze as he led Doug out the door. Russell’s eyes never left you, even when he walked out the door a moment later, following his little brother’s lead. You never looked away even when he was past the threshold. 

You ignored Solano’s yelling threats and kept your eyes on the spot you had last seen the Shaws disappear through a few minutes longer than needed, tense and ready in case Russell decided to double back. Though you highly doubted he’d come at you from the same angle. A part of you was making sure you stayed prepared in case there was an ambush, yes, but another part of you knew your gaze was lingering on the spot because you knew things had now drastically changed between you and Russell forever. He would never forgive your threats and you would never forgive yourself for having to make them. Though that remorse was more related to Colter than his brother. Regardless, when it came to the Shaws now, you were fucked. Not even Dory would want to hear from you, not that she had all that much before, but now it was definitely a no go. And that saddened you tremendously.

Hearing more of Solano’s threats, you recentered your focus on the task at hand and prepared to wait, giving him one more pistol whip for good measure, before you settled in and kept both eyes and ears open for any possible ambush that might come your way before you could finish up here. 

You leaned against the workstation next to the chair, waiting, gun still in hand and your eyes focused on it. You had waited a certain amount of time to allow the boys to get out of the area.

“The soldado was right, you know. They’re not going to hold me,” Solano bragged.

You briefly closed your eyes in annoyance. He had been talking ever since you were left alone with him. He had offered you money to let him go, offered you riches and power that you knew for a fact he had no business offering. He even had the nerve to propose making you one of his new lieutenants, citing your fighting skills and gun handling that he’d briefly witnessed. He knew you would be able to protect him because you had from the asesinos who had killed his brother. He then changed tactics, threatening you, your loved ones, the men who just left…now, he was boasting about how he would walk free and whatever charges were thrown at him wouldn’t stick. You just wished he would shut the hell up already. Needless to say, it had been a long twenty minutes. You now understood why his brother had been the businessman and he was only the muscle willing to do the dirty work. His bargaining skills were for shit, not that it mattered in the scheme of things. No deals were being made today.

“I offer them a little bit of money and they’ll just make the case go away. Just like that.”

You checked your watch. Twenty two minutes now. That was good enough. You slowly got to your feet and moved past him to look out the window. You had purposely moved his chair out of the sight of the glass, in case Russell got any ideas.

“That’s how it works here in America. Everybody knows that. If the criminals have money and power, they don’t stay in jail.”

You ignored him, glancing around to see if there was any movement outside. You didn’t see any. 

“They won’t keep me locked up. They weren’t able to in my home country. What makes you think they’ll be able to here? Where corruption is ripe and anyone can be bought? And then I’ll be coming for you and for your friends. You will wish for death long before I am through with you.”

You made your way to another window, lifting the curtain and looking around. Still nothing.

“There’s no point in bringing me to jail. It will never hold me.”

You lowered the curtain and squared your shoulders, turning to face his direction. You focused on him, staring right into his eyes. “You know, I think you’re right.”

Solano seemed pleasantly surprised for a moment, thinking you were finally stupid enough to take one of his offers, before his eyes narrowed with realization. “No, wait—”

You quickly lifted your gun and squeezed off a round. His head snapped back from the force and the space behind him was spattered with red among other things. One glance confirmed your aim had been accurate; he was dead. Right through the eye. What you’d said to Russell earlier hadn’t been an exaggeration; you were much more accurate at close range than you’d ever been.

You slipped a pair of gloves on that you pulled from your pants pocket and immediately started unzipping the small compartments on the side of your vest where you usually kept extra ammo in a raid, pulling out small white bottles that weren’t sporting any labels. You began to squirt the liquid from inside them all around the room, dousing Solano’s body with a healthy amount.

You continued into the house, having quite a few bottles of lighter fluid to empty out in specific areas that would help achieve your goal. Arson wasn’t your preferred route but it did get rid of pesky little things like hair and DNA, and what it didn’t, it contaminated which would make it harder for not only law enforcement but the justice system to work with. Though you weren’t too worried about either looking at this particular house fire too closely.

You didn’t bother collecting any bullet casings, knowing that your gun and the ones you’d given Colter to use would be untraceable even if they somehow managed to get a hold of any of the weapons (which they wouldn’t). And Russell’s gun…you figured he had that handled. The only thing you did collect were your handcuffs. 

You also didn’t bother staging anything for the scene. There was already enough evidence that pointed to the theory that Solano’s own men had turned on him and a gunfight ensued, resulting in the multiple dead bodies. While an arson specialist would most likely be able to tell that an accelerant had been used, there was no way for them to confirm just who had been present for this battle and who had gotten away. Satellite imagery would be shoddy at best due to the foliage cover (and eventual smoke) but still, you planned to set the fire and make your getaway out the back, crossing over the landing strip so if they went back to look for any heat signatures after the fire started, it would be one person leaving the scene alive, the person they would assume had started the blaze. There were no nearby neighbors to immediately call first responders but that didn’t mean smoke wouldn’t be seen from the sky from miles away or that a fiery orange blaze in the distance wouldn’t be noticed by residents of another vacation home or cars traveling the backroads in the area. Since you planned to go into the deep woods and take the long roundabout route back to your car, you weren’t too worried about your path being followed.

Once you had completed all of your tasks, you used the fireplace to help, moving the grate out of the way, starting a fire, and then knocking a fiery log onto the wooden flooring. You used a lighter to set flammable materials that you could find to add to the flames. Only when the room was nearly engulfed did you finally slip a beanie from your pocket, cover your head fully, and make your way out of the house. Once at the landing strip, you ducked under the plane, making sure you couldn’t be seen from above. 

You watched as the flames consumed the house. Once the smoke was sufficient, flames were ragings out of the windows, and the sound of breaking glass could be heard, you knew it was time for you to vacate the vicinity before the sirens started up. It was fortunate that most people were asleep at this hour but the sun was due to come up not too long from now and you had a long trek ahead of you, so you needed to get moving.

You kept your head down and made your way into the woods surrounding the property line. 

The sun was breaching the horizon and quickly warming the sky by the time you made it back to your car. You were relieved that Colter’s truck was gone and you needed to quickly make tracks as well. Sirens had started up an hour ago and you needed to get the hell out of Dodge before the cops were all over these roads. You tossed your weapons and vest into the trunk and got in the car. You slipped your beanie off your head, tossing it onto the seat next to you, and started the engine.

Just as you had expected, cops were everywhere but thankfully, you had timed it just right and gotten out before they could block all of the mountain roads. Once you were back in town a few hours later and a certain distance away, you pulled a phone out of your glove compartment you kept there for emergencies and turned it on. You pressed a button and it immediately dialed the number programmed — the only number you had saved on this device. 

It rang once before the same voice from yesterday picked up. “Is it done?”

“We’re clear,” you confirmed. “It’s been handled.”

“Shaw?”

Your jaw clenched. You knew that despite how you and Russell had left things earlier, you would do whatever it took to keep him breathing. “He’s a soldier. He follows orders.”

“He wasn’t so willing to follow orders in this situation.”

“You know what they’re taught. Leave no man behind. He got his man so he’ll be fine. Things can go back to how they were. He’s not going to be an issue and he’s clean, just like you wanted.”

And then you were asked the one question you didn’t want to hear. “And the brother? What’s your assessment?”

The knuckles of your free hand gripped your steering wheel so tightly that you could see how white your skin turned from the pressure. “Non-issue. He has no interest in you.”

“He seemed interested yesterday.”

You forced yourself to remain calm and nonchalant. “He’s paid to be nosy when someone goes missing so he can get them found. He found who he was looking for, he was able to keep the promise to the guy’s wife — it’s over for him. The case is closed, it’s as simple as that for him. He’s no threat.”

You waited to hear a response, holding your breath and your hand gripping the wheel even tighter, your body tensed. This would be what decided your fate. Either you would be allowed to go on as before or you’d be going on a mission up against one of the top private security contractor firms in the world which wouldn’t end well for you. But you’d take out whoever you could with you before you were killed.

Another moment passed before the voice replied, “Understood.”

Your body relaxed slightly and your shoulders sunk in relief. Colter was safe. Russell was safe…for now. And you didn’t have to go all Rambo Kamikaze on anyone. Win-win all around.

“I’ll let the higher ups know the situation has been contained. Good work. We’ll be in touch.”

Without waiting for a response from you, the call disconnected. You quickly shut the phone off and tossed it back into its original spot. You let out a deep breath and the exhaustion from the past twelve hours immediately overtook your body. Deciding that returning to your place was not an option for you right now, you headed to another part of town, parked your car on the street some blocks away to the nearest motel, and using a baseball cap to cover your hair along with sunglasses, you hoofed it and then booked a room, paying cash and using a fake name. Once you set up everything you needed to in your quarters, you slipped onto the mattress and got some much needed rest, keeping your gun under your pillow within reach should you need it.

You pulled up to Colter’s trailer, watching as he stepped outside to greet you. You put your car in park, took a deep breath, and got out. You offered Colter a small smile. “Hey.”

He returned it. “Hey.”

You had been surprised when Colter called you a few days later to let you know he was still in town for a bit and invited you to drop by for a beer. Not surprised that he was still around (you already knew that) but surprised that he even wanted to speak to you. Perhaps Russell hadn’t told him what you’d threatened back in the mountains.

You took the beer he offered to you and followed him over to the firepit, taking a seat on one of the coolers. He sat nearby and held up his bottle in a toast. You mirrored him and then you both took a sip. You nearly sighed in satisfaction as the carbonated beverage slid down your throat. You enjoyed the taste and checked the label. “Mmm, home brew…not bad. You got something you want to tell me? Planning on opening some sort of brewery outfit anytime soon?” You were teasing but if Colter really was thinking of doing something else — anything else — instead of his current job, you’d fully support it.

“Not me.” Disappointment flared in your chest, your hope dashed. “Russ was actually the one who made it. I had some left over from the other night.”

The beer suddenly began to sour in your stomach. Well, you supposed it was good that Russell was starting to think of the future, the most important part of that being that there would be one. It still burned a bit, though.

You decided to change the subject so you wouldn’t have to think about that right then. “So, your guy is back home safe?”

Colter nodded. “Dropped him off myself.” Something else you already knew but you had to keep up appearances.

You nodded, biting your lip and staring into the flames. “And your brother?”

Out of the corner of your eye, you noticed Colter’s jaw tense for a moment. “Gone.” Though you had an idea that was the case, Colter’s confirmation still stung, like someone poking a finger into an old wound after ripping the scar tissue away. But what else had you expected? This was Russell Shaw you two were talking about after all.

You snorted and shook your head, taking another swig of beer. “Of course he is.”

He turned to look at you. “You know, you never told me what happened between you two.”

You shrugged a shoulder. “Not worth going into, trust me.”

Thankfully, Colter left it alone and he rolled with it when you brought up a different topic instead. 

“So, how much longer are you here for?”

“Teddi and Velma are working on that right now actually. Hopefully, something pops up soon.” He took another sip of beer, turning to gaze at the flames as well.

“It will.” Fortunately for him and sadly for others, someone would always go missing.

“How about you? Are they sending you somewhere for a new case or are they going to let you stay local for a bit? If it’s the latter, maybe you could get a dog for that place of yours?”

You smirked and ran your thumb down the smooth glass of the brown bottle in your hand. Colter kept teasing you about the residence you maintained nearby considering you were never really there most of the time. He’d then extoll the virtues of living on the open road, not having roots put down anywhere that would grow into expectations, and the unrestrained thrill of it all. The first time you’d had that conversation, you knew then that the desire to keep moving and stay unburdened must be a male Shaw thing. Dory seemed happy where she had settled and you — you wanted a home base. Some place you could come back to where you were still able to connect to yourself again, no matter how lost at sea you might be at times, no matter how much you felt as if every single piece of you was floating away on the wind until only a monster was left standing there, staring back at you in the rearview mirror of your car.

“Right now, I have a few things I need to close up,” you lied. “Then I’ll probably get sent out in the field again to work some cases.” You hated lying to him but you had no choice. His safety came first. As much as you had hated Russell for a time, you could now appreciate the difficult position he was in. Though, he had chosen to be put there, and now, so had you. 

You watched Colter nod, accepting your answer. “I still think a German Shepherd would be a great choice for you,” he teased. “You know, a big dog, trainable, would make a good guard dog. You could take it with you, chase suspects down together...”

“Oh yeah, I could see it now,” you played along. “I’d have to sneak him into hotel rooms, make sure he doesn’t take a shit on the rug… Then we’d go on the job and I could introduce him to everyone, ‘I’m Special Agent Y/L/N but you can call me Turner and this is my partner Hooch.’”

Colter winced. “No, no. You have to give him a name that will strike fear into the hearts of the criminals you track down. Like General or Commando or Killer. Killer! Now that’s a good name. That will make anyone think twice about running from a dog with that name.”

This time, you were the one who winced though you hid it well. Instead, you forced out a laugh. “I am not getting a huge dog named Killer and bringing him to work with me.”

He grinned. “That’s a shame. I would have loved to have seen the look on your face when the dog would sit in the front seat.”

“There would be no front seat sitting. Back seat only.”

“Like a criminal who he just helped you to arrest? That’s cold, even for you.”

“I am so glad that you have this imaginary dog of mine’s back.”

He snickered and took a drink, looking back at the flames. Your smile slowly faded as you did the same. You both sat there, drinking in a companionable silence for a bit.

Eventually, your eyes flickered over towards him. “I need you to promise me something.”

His brows drew together questioningly when he met your gaze.

“Horizon…” You noticed him tense slightly at the mention. “No more.” When you saw the confusion in his expression, you elaborated. “No more digging, no more Reenie asking her contacts about them, no more mention of them period. You got the guy you were looking for. Now, put it to bed and forget that you ever knew they existed.”

His confusion increased. “I did put it to bed the second I dropped Doug off at his door and saw him hug his wife.”

You gave him a look. “Col, I need you to promise me,” you softly entreated. 

His brows arched slightly at the use of the nickname; you didn’t use it often and if you were, then he knew you meant business. He also knew what you were telling him without explicitly saying it; Horizon was dangerous and they were better left alone. It would be better for him to get a case of sudden amnesia about anything related to the organization.

He watched you for a moment before giving you a nod. “As long as nobody else goes missing like Doug did and as long as Russ is okay, they’re forgotten.”

You knew that was the best you were going to get from him and you leaned forward slightly. “And if anything happens to Russ, I’ll be right there with you, knocking on their front door,” you promised. And you would be; no question about it.

The corner of his lips tipped up in the beginning of a smile and after a moment, you couldn’t help but return it. 

The coffee shop you were in was decently quiet considering it was around 8:55 in the morning and most people were making their last minute dashes for caffeine before the working day began. You sat near the window, facing the entrance so you could keep an eye on who came in and out. You had ordered your usual, a soy vanilla latte, and you carefully sipped at the hot liquid. You scanned your phone for the day’s headlines, looking for any updates on the mysterious house fire that started in the mountains a few nights ago.  

You knew you wouldn’t find any and sure enough, you didn’t. Someone was working overtime to squash the case from up above, just like you knew they would. You also knew that some local law enforcement officials didn’t buy the criminals-turning-on-their-boss theory and they actually thought the scene looked like a professional hit. Exactly what you figured would happen when accelerants had been found to be used at the scene. As much as you were sure the cops were looking to sink their teeth into something exciting to happen in those parts in however long, the bottom line was the case would get dropped and no one was going to care what happened to a violent criminal like Carlos Solano. The FBI would actually be relieved to remove one more name from their list, one more file from their desks. One more dangerous bad guy removed from the world that threatened American citizens as well as national security. No one was going to miss the murderous bastard.

You powered down your screen and placed your phone on the table, turning to glance out the window. That was when you saw him. Well, the reflection of him. 

You watched as he walked towards you, still dressed in a ratty pair of jeans and old boots, wearing another t-shirt with a different musician on it while sporting an open button-up over it, and donning that old military style jacket. His eyes were intent on you and you had to wonder how he had gotten in without you seeing him. The answer was in the reflection of someone walking past him to get to the bathrooms in the rear of the cafe. There was no exit located near there, you knew that because this was a local spot of yours, so how did he… Shit.

Even though you watched him in the glass and he watched you back, you didn’t give anything away to alert him that you knew he was there. You started calculating in your head how many people stood in between you and the front door (your only exit at this point), how much force you would have to use to catch him off guard and knock him to the ground so you could make your escape, and how fast you would have to run to your car. You even had a moment to debate drawing your gun and your badge, and making a scene to get yourself out of this mess. But all of that proved to be for naught when he came to a stop near you and announced his presence by asking, “This seat taken?”

You slowly turned to face him, arching an inquisitive brow, but you eventually shook your head. His lips twitched into the beginning of a smirk and he took the seat across from you. His eyes were a lot lighter than they were the other day as they took you in. “Looking good, Y/N. Like always.”

Your eyes narrowed. “Really?”

He shrugged and reached for your coffee, taking the lid off. You hated it when he did this, the whole sharing coffee thing; now you would need to order another one…well, depending on how this impromptu meeting went. “What, I can’t tell my girl that she looks good?” He took a sip and made a face. “How do you still drink this crap? It tastes like foam mixed with shit.”

“And free garbage coffee from the lobby of the latest scuzzy motel you’re staying in doesn’t?”

“Hey, don’t knock it. They have real nice machines now and it tastes the way coffee should. Not like this bullshit.”

You watched as he grabbed a spoon, added some sugar, and began stirring the crap out of what had once been your perfect latte. You thought over what he’d said before. “I’m not your girl, Russell.” His eyes met yours. “I haven’t been for some time now.”

He finished stirring and removed the spoon, lifting the glass to take a sip. “You’ll always be my girl.”

You snorted and lifted a finger in the air to signal to the barista that you wanted another coffee. The kid gave you a nod and turned to make it. “Is that what you tell yourself when you’re hooking up with cheerleaders-turned-dental-hygienists in hot tubs?”

Russell pressed his lips together and looked appropriately chastised, not even bothering to deny it. “Colter told you. I should’ve known he would mention it. You two were always close like that.”   

You didn’t confirm or deny that. There was no point in mentioning that Colter hadn’t been the one to tell you, not intentionally anyway. Instead, you leaned forward in your chair. “What do you want, Russell?”

“I wanted to talk to you.”

“About what?” You snapped. You had been on edge, thinking he was here to either kill you or threaten you. Then him hitting on you and making that asinine and incredibly presumptuous statement bothered you more than you cared to admit. Not to mention he pissed you off when he took the latte you’d decided to treat yourself with after a few difficult days (without even asking you might add), knowing how that had irked you anytime he did it when you were dating. It was like the man was begging you to put a foot in his ass.

Russell glanced around briefly before removing something from inside his jacket. It was a folded up newspaper and he slapped it down in front of you. A picture of a burnt out structure stared back up at you with the headline reading above it “House Fire Claims 8 Lives, Sheriff Confirms Arson”. Your eyes met his and in that moment, you knew that he knew.

You refused to give it away just like that, though. If he wanted the truth, he’d have to work for it. He wasn’t getting anything for free, not from you, not anymore. You gave him a smirk. “Is this your way of telling me that you’ve finally learned to read, Russ? I’m impressed, really.”

Instead of being insulted, his eyes widened slightly. “You called me Russ.”

You sat back in your chair, pushing the newspaper away from you and prying eyes, waiting for the barista making his way over to you to deliver your coffee. “Slip of the tongue. Won’t happen again.” You smiled at the young kid in thanks when he placed the drink down in front of you and promptly slid your glass out of Russell’s reach. He saw it and immediately worked to smother a smile as the kid walked away.

“So, you got any more interesting tricks I should know about?”

Without any preamble, Russell said, “Solano’s dead,” the exact second you took a sip of your new coffee. If he was expecting any reaction to the news, he was in for disappointment when you didn’t give it.

“Yes, I heard. Quite unfortunate.”

“They’re all dead actually. Even that guard we subdued in the beginning.”

You remembered; you’d been the one to kill him after all. Once Russell and Colter got to their feet after knocking the guard out and started moving towards the house, you quietly pulled a knife and slipped the blade into the side of the man’s head. You’d cut his zip ties, removed them and the gag, and then caught up to the guys — all within seconds. You had made sure to move the guard’s body inside later, right before you’d started the fire, trying your best to get rid of any drag marks you’d left on the ground. You were there to clean up the mess, not leave witnesses, even if they had never seen any of you coming.

You nodded. “I know, I heard that, too. Is there a point here somewhere or can I get back to the nice morning I was having before you showed up to steal my coffee?”

Russell was the one to lean forward this time, lowering his voice even further. “You said you were calling in the FBI for a pickup. Who did you really call?”

You could tell he was trying to give you an out, an opportunity to explain that it wasn’t what he was thinking, and maybe you should have lied your ass off…but you no longer wanted to. You knew Russell; he wasn’t going to let this go until he had an answer that he deemed to be the truth. And while you could give him a distorted version of that truth that didn’t land at your feet, a petty part of you wanted him to know. 

“Y/N?” He pressed. “Who did you call?”

You sat back in your chair, considering him for a moment before you spoke. “No one.”

Russell dropped his head, briefly closing his eyes. “Fuck, I was afraid of that.” He glanced up at you, his eyes full of a sadness you hadn’t seen in some time. You knew he wouldn’t be happy if he ever found out the truth, but not to this extent. “I told you to walk away and let me handle it.” His voice was softer, not as gruff as before. You realized then that you’d accomplished what that vindictive side of you had wanted all along, ever since the day he walked away; you’d hurt him and caused him pain. Pain that you could see clear as day lining his face right now. He wasn’t even trying to hide it. And quite frankly, that pain caught you off guard. After all of this time, this is what it took for him to feel even a sliver of what you’d felt back in the day when he’d left you bleeding, your heart torn from your chest and sitting in pieces on the floor he’d just casually walked over to get to the door?

Not really sure what to make of this development or the emotions it caused to rise up within you, you went into pure professional mode and forged ahead. “The three of you didn’t need to be involved.” You could see the pain getting worse and it made you uncomfortable, something prodding at your chest and itching at your skin that you really didn’t care for. “Besides, last I checked, I don’t take orders from you, Shaw.” You threw his last name in there as a last resort to put even more distance there between you.

His eyes flicked from the newspaper to you. “Who do you take orders from then? Something tells me this wasn’t FBI-sanctioned.” 

You surreptitiously glanced around you before leaning in, lowering your voice.“You know, going to your handler’s house during her kid’s birthday party was a pretty bad idea. Ann really didn’t like that.” You watched as Russell’s eyes widened slightly before his face fell, a dreaded realization filling his expression. He had never mentioned her name to you before and he knew Colter hadn’t mentioned her to you either when giving you the rundown of what they knew before meeting up in the mountains. You sat back, tensed and ready for whatever came next. 

His jaw clenched. “How long?” He ground out.

“Long enough.”

You kept your gaze trained on his and you did your best to read him, trying to assess what he might do, now that the pain was all but absent since your revelation. Would he tell you to watch your back and leave? Would he tell you to stay away from Colter for good? It was hard to gauge from the way he was staring at you right then. You could see anger bubbling underneath but you also caught something coming to the surface that strangely looked like remorse. Considering you hadn’t seen that emotion on him too often, it was tough to be sure in your identification of it. And then something flickered in his eyes right then, something so fast you almost didn’t catch it, but you did. Fear that quickly dissolved into determination. You braced yourself for whatever he would say or do; this was it. This would determine your next steps.

Instead, he surprised you once more. He snatched the newspaper up and slipped it back into his jacket, before reaching over and taking your hand in his. “I’m getting you out of here. Now. Let’s go.”

Stunned, you wordlessly got to your feet but then it hit you, you were about to go somewhere alone with him. Not that you couldn’t handle yourself but he had still been Special Ops once upon a time and he killed people for a living…just like you. 

“Russell, I’m not—”

“Yes, you are,” he growled. “I’m getting you as far from here as I can. I’ve got a buddy who has a cabin in upstate New York. It’s got months-long supplies, power and running water, and a small armory. You’ll be safe there until this whole thing blows over.”

You yanked your hand out of his and grabbed your phone and jacket. “I’m plenty safe here. I have no reason to run, so I’m staying. You want to leave? Go right ahead. We both know it’s what you’re best at.” The sadness was back but you looked away from it. Yes, that had been another low blow but it was also well-deserved. You moved past him, refusing to look over your shoulder even once. There was no way he’d do anything out in the open; he wouldn’t dare risk it, especially now.

You slipped into your car, not surprised in the least when Russell got in on the other side before you could even think about locking the doors.

“What are you doing?” You hissed.

“What’s it look like?” He clicked his seatbelt. “I’m staying with you until you agree to my plan to get you someplace safe or you explain how the hell this even happened.” He pulled out the newspaper, holding it up for a moment before tossing it to the floor. You could see the determined set to his jaw and you knew he meant it. 

“Russell,” You pinched the bridge of your nose. “I do not have time for this.” You blew out a quiet breath and turned to face him. “Now I suggest you get out of my car or—”

“You’ll shoot me?” He shot you a look. Yeah, he was still pissed about the threats you’d made a few nights ago. You supposed you couldn’t blame him but you did what you had to do to get him and his brother out of there. You had regrets but they were slim. “We both know you won’t.”

That infuriated you and had you seething. “You think I won’t?”

“I know you won’t. Just like I know that no matter how much you tell yourself that you hate me, you really don’t.”

You scoffed out a laugh in disbelief. “Wow, you really are incredibly delusi—”

“I also know you would never do that to my brother.” Your glare in his direction intensified. “You’ve always been protective of him. Just like me.” A glimmer of a fond smile worked its way onto his bearded face.

Your jaw clenched and you looked away from him, back towards the coffee shop you had just stormed out of, your grip tightening on your steering wheel. It was true; you’d always looked out for Colter in some way ever since you’d gotten to know him through Russell. 

While the relationship between the brothers had been strained for years, it didn’t mean that there hadn’t been a couple of times where Dory hadn’t attempted to get them into a room together to try to fix what had been broken. In one such instance, Russell had brought you along, after shocking you by asking you two nights before to accompany him. The man had spent over a decade in the military, worked Special Ops, and there wasn’t much he was afraid of, if at all. But when you were wrapping leftovers to throw into the fridge and he’d laid a hand on your shoulder, turning you to face him, you’d never seen Russell Shaw look so worried, vulnerable, and damn near terrified in all of the time you’d known him. You’d even felt it when he’d enfolded you into his arms and whispered into your ear that he was due to meet up with his family in the next two days, asking you to come with him. How could you say no to that? You knew of the family’s tragic history and the simmering tensions that still existed between the Shaws who were still alive; Russell had told you everything, even about how his mom had hung him out to dry (though he made excuses for her which made you grind your teeth). And for him to ask you to go, to meet his family, you knew then just how important this was for him. So you went, squeezed his hand in silent support whenever he appeared to need it, and did your best to provide distraction whenever things got a little too tense or heated. Dory didn’t care for you too much; you got the distinct feeling that she wasn’t happy Russell had brought an interloper to a family-only discussion. But Colter…Colter you got along with from the start. 

Colter seemed happier to talk to you than his brother and you could tell that bothered Russell tremendously. He had told you once how much he missed his siblings at times, especially his little brother, and he would never stop hoping to patch things up with them one day. Sure enough, he tried to interject into the conversation a few times with you helping as much as you could, but each time Colter shut him down. It was blatantly obvious that the younger man wanted nothing to do with him and there was definitely some resentment still floating around after years of estrangement. Needless to say, things hadn’t ended well at that dinner and you weren’t surprised that Russell drank a little heavier that night. Nor were you surprised when he grasped at you in the hotel room and pulled you to him, his lips claiming yours as he began unbuttoning your shirt and moving you towards the bed. You knew he was hurting and you let him take solace in you as you whispered loving assurances in his ear. 

After that, Colter surprised you by calling you a couple of months down the road, apologetically asking for your help on a case he had picked up. Though he didn’t know you well, he was in a rough spot and needed a helping hand, particularly a Federal one. You saw the opportunity for what it had been, an opening of a possible door between him and Russell, so you took it. You helped Colter as much as you could without risking being read the riot act by your superior, and you two got to know each other better as you worked together. It happened a few more times and you had even called Colter in to assist on a case of your own that you had snagged. You had gone for beers afterwards each time and you’d tried your best to talk to him, to convince him to give Russell a chance. He hadn’t been interested, was resistant to it even, but he liked you and he was starting to trust you a little more each time. He’d even reluctantly admitted once that he was glad his brother had you, immediately following up with “He better be treating you right, though.” You had simply smiled and assured him that Russell very much was. 

You didn’t mention the odd absences a few times a month (sometimes with little to no warning), the radio silence during these stints, and the avoidance of any penetrating questions upon his return — all of it that had become conditional to your relationship by that point. And Russell certainly wasn’t happy at all to find out you’d been working with Colter once you told him. You both had arguments before like any common couple but nothing like this. You had never seen him so angry and he’d laughed when you told him he had no need to be jealous if that was what he was worried about, you loved him and you were trying to make things better for the both of them, to pave the way for him to be able to make peace with his brother. 

“You just don’t get it.” 

He had shaken his head and glared over at you before he walked out of the room, away from you. From then on, Russell became even more secretive, distant, and cold as ice. Gone was the easy affection, heart to heart talks, and playful banter between you. Gone were the tender touches, gentle kisses, and passionate sex. The love of your life turned into a stranger right before your very eyes. It hadn’t been too long after that when he’d left for good, leaving your heart shattered on your hardwood floor. As time passed, you were surprised he hadn’t just packed up and left in the middle of the night while you were sleeping, without a single word to you and completely ghosting you, since he had been intent on leaving you in his past. It might have been kinder actually compared to the things he’d said to you as a final goodbye before walking away for good. 

So whenever you had dared to think back on it over the last few years, you’d always figured the fight over Colter had contributed in some way to the rapid unraveling of your relationship. Well, that fight and…other things.

“Let’s go somewhere we can talk,” Russell urged, breaking you out of your thoughts. “Come on, Y/N, you owe me that at least.”

You turned the most menacing glare on him that was possible for you to give someone. “I don’t owe you shit,” you bit out. How dare he say that? To you of all people?  

His jaw tightened and after a moment, he agreed with a soft nod. “Fair enough.” 

You broke away from his intent gaze a minute later, your decision made as you turned the car on. “You know what? If this will get you out of my life for good this time, then fine. Let’s talk. And don’t be so sure I won’t shoot you afterwards should you continue to piss me off. You’re right, I do care about Colter,” You scowled over at him. “But not that deeply.”

Russell matched your scowl but wisely kept quiet as you backed your car out of your parking spot. You felt an immediate surge of guilt for having said that about his younger brother. You did care about Colter, more than you would ever admit to anyone, even your ex. There was nothing remotely romantic between you two; there never had been and there never would be. But Russell had been right; you were protective of him. Not only because he was a good man but he also reminded you of someone you had lost long ago. You would bend over backwards to keep him safe (as safe as you could given his chosen career), even if it meant putting yourself in harm’s way. He had truly become like a brother to you. 

But you had also meant what you said just now. If Russell continued to irritate you, there was no way he was leaving this time without you putting a bullet in him. Right in his ass before the door could hit it when he turned his back on you for the last time. That or a good old fashioned ass kicking in the form of your right hook. After everything he’d done, he deserved nothing less.  

You pulled up to a local motel that you had booked a room at the last few days, in case you needed to close up shop and haul ass out of town quickly. It wasn’t the same establishment you had gone to the morning of the fire and you still had your place thirty minutes away, but you had learned it was always best to prepare for any eventuality. Especially after a job needing to be done so close to home. You had seen what happened with Doug; who was to say Horizon wouldn’t leave you out to dry, too, should the heat from the fire get a little too close?

You got out and headed over to the door, unlocking it and stepping inside, not looking back to see if Russell was following you. Neither of you had spoken on the ride over (which was probably for the best) and you didn’t glance at him once. Instead, you had done your damndest to tamp down the fury you felt racing through your veins as more and more memories played out in your mind. Now that Russell had a vague idea of the truth of what you had been doing all of this time, everything you had ever wanted to say to him seemed to be trying to rush to the surface as well as all of the pain you had endured.

You slipped your suit jacket off and tossed it onto the bedspread. You heard the door shut behind you and you spun around, seeing Russell’s eyes scanning the room, stopping on the bed, and then lifting to you. You scoffed and unbuttoned the sleeves of your blouse, rolling them up to your forearms. “Not happening so don’t even think about it,” you hissed.

“Wasn’t going there.”

You didn’t believe him. “Right.” You took a seat at the table and impatiently gestured to the seat across from you. “Well?”

He sat down and without missing a beat, dove right in. “How the hell did this even happen, Y/N?”

“Really? That’s what you’re starting out with?”

Russell shot you a look.

You let out an aggravated sigh and sat back in your chair, crossing your legs and getting comfortable. “I was recruited, not too long after you left.”

His jaw dropped. “They approached you?”

Nodding, your jaw tightened thinking back to that time. It wasn’t a memory you liked revisiting. You were at your lowest, Russell having just walked out like the four and a half years you’d spent together hadn’t meant a damn thing to him. He had been it for you. You had put everything you had into the relationship, which proved to be a difficult balancing act sometimes between your career at the Bureau and Russell’s job that he wouldn’t tell you too much about. You both had overcome so much together…all for him to tell you that he simply didn’t love you anymore, give you a shitty apology, and walk right out the door years later. Like you had simply been an amusing distraction, nothing more. Like you had merely been a stopping point in his journey and now he was bored and moving on. The breakup would’ve hurt regardless but the cold detached manner he’d spoken to you with caused more pain than you would have ever been willing to admit. It was a good thing you had already become a Special Agent by then, not stuck to any one location or field office, given how often you were hungover for some weeks there. You had attempted to track him down (which hadn’t been easy) to try to talk to him, to make him see reason; you didn’t believe that he had stopped loving you just like that. But when you had finally located him, he had been holed up in a dingy motel, similar to this one, but he wasn’t alone. That had hurt beyond words and it had taken everything for you not to say anything, not to let him see you, and turn back around, heading home with your tail between your legs and your head hanging in heartbroken defeat. 

None of it made sense to you. How had your life changed so drastically in a single day? Perhaps you had never really known Russell Shaw. Perhaps you only saw what he wanted you to see. But when you replayed the last few weeks of your relationship, even the fight over Colter, something still wasn’t jiving. So you buried yourself in work during the day and as deep into the bottle as you could during the late nights. Until they showed up.

“And you said yes?” He asked in disbelief.

Your eyes flicked to Russell, narrowing. “Why not? You did.”

He pressed his lips together. You had him there and he knew it. “That was different.”

“How?” You snapped. “Exactly how is that different, Russell?”

“I joined them long before you and I met.” Yeah, you knew that now. You knew everything he hadn’t told you the time you’d been together, minus the actual details of the off the books missions he went on. You now knew why Doug had never told Tracy anything either. Not only were they not allowed to, but It was safer that way.

“Well, bully for you, Shaw. You’ve got a few years on me at being a black ops agent and you’ve racked up a few more bodies than I have. Told way more lies, too. Congrats. Do we get you a cake or…?”

He leaned forward, covering your hand with his. “Stop. Just…talk to me,” he pleaded gently.

You hated it when he did that because you hated that it still affected you on some deep level. You rolled your eyes and moved your hand from underneath his, placing it in your lap. “They approached me about six months out from when you left.”

“Who approached you?”

Yeah, you weren’t giving him that. If you did, you knew he’d be on their doorstep in a second and that you couldn’t have. Not after you had just cleaned up the Solano mess and smoothed things over. “Doesn’t matter.”

“It does to me.” You knew that, could see it in his expression, but too bad. You both were in it now, had signed NDA’s, and details like that were meant to stay confidential anyway. 

“Someone did and that’s all you're getting.” You gave him a meaningful look. “Regardless, they offered me a job and I took it.”

You watched as Russell’s features tightened. “And the FBI thing?”

“Still active, though I’m now kept more as an ear to the ground, providing information and cleanup when need be.” You noticed a slight wince cross across his face. “They’re the ones I answer to and they’ve chosen to keep me there for the time being. I’m more effective in that setup.” Those words from your handler still burned you but over time, you had been able to adapt and utilize their refusal to fully bring you in to your advantage.

“And Solano and his men? Were they cleanup?”

You didn’t break away from his penetrating gaze and gave it to him straight. “You and Doug made quite a mess of things. So, yes, I was called in to clean it up.” He briefly closed his eyes in the same pain you had seen earlier, though you couldn’t fathom why. It had been nearly three years since he’d last professed to give a shit about you. Why would this even affect him? “Horizon wanted you kept clean and Doug was on his own. Then you idiotically showed up at Ann’s residence, not only tipping them off to the fact that you were sniffing around where you shouldn’t have been but then you allowed Colter to threaten them. You had to know that was going to ruffle quite a few feathers and put a target on your backs.”

His jaw clenched again and that dark void was back in his gaze. His fingers twitched near his phone and you knew he was itching to call his brother to check on him. “And they sent you to clean that up, too?”

You slowly shook your head. “No.” If they had, you wouldn’t be sitting here right now. Most likely, you’d be dead while Colter and Russell would hopefully be on the run or have gone into hiding. “Only to assess what threats you both posed to the organization.”

“And what was your assessment?” He watched you carefully. In this moment, you weren’t former lovers. You were two people with lethal skills and training, willing to do whatever it took to keep your loved ones safe, even from each other. 

You never broke away from his gaze, watching him back just as carefully. “What do you think?”

He stayed quiet for a moment, looking pensive and most likely turning your words over in his mind. You weren’t going to say it but knowing that gnawing feeling of constantly worrying about someone you cared deeply about, you wanted to make sure you both were on the same page of this topic. “And, Russell, if they had sent me for that, I never would.” His gaze immediately met yours. “Ever,” you promised. 

His eyes roamed over your face, most likely assessing if you were bullshitting him or telling the truth. Obviously having decided on the latter, after a minute or so, he gave you a nod. “How do you know they accepted your assessment, though? There’s no way they don’t know about you and Colter, you and me…”

This time, your jaw was the one clenching. Yeah, you were made aware of that fact when you had been approached for recruitment. That was how they knew about you, your career as a Federal agent, and how you had been involved with Russell once upon a time. When you found out more about Horizon from the inside, it didn’t surprise you one bit how deeply they dove into the background of their candidates or the amount of information they gathered on them. You’d even helped put together a few files yourself, without fully knowing what unit the candidates were being considered for of course. They kept a close watch on their assets and that was putting it lightly. 

So when you got involved with Russell, completely oblivious to what you were really getting into, Horizon had already scoped you out as well as Colter, Dory, their mother, Bobby, Reenie, Teddi, Velma — everyone. Even Colter’s on-again/off-again, Billie, and the mysterious circumstances of the death of the boys’ father. They knew it all. Horizon didn’t like surprises and you supposed you couldn’t blame them considering their line of work, but it also meant that you and everyone you cared about needed to be extra careful. 

It was one of the many reasons you couldn’t completely forgive Russell, though you now understood why he’d walked out when he did. Things had unraveled so badly between you that you’d started quietly digging into Horizon, not trusting what Russell had told you prior. Back then, you thought you’d find only what Russell had claimed: private security, perhaps a couple of Special Ops situations where an American hostage was retrieved in another country, or worse: he was lying to you and having an affair. Now, you knew he had told you the truth — a very scrubbed, limited version of the truth that omitted most of what he really did for the outfit. You remembered what he’d told you about a week and a half before he left. 

“You need to stop digging.” 

You looked upon him with confusion. One minute, you had been having a very tense and silent dinner where you could only hear forks scraping against the plates every so often, and the next, Russell was glaring over at you, speaking cryptically. “What are you talking about?”

“You know exactly what I’m talking about. You need to stop looking into Horizon and leave it alone. I mean it, Y/N. Let it be.” His eyes bored into you with warning before he got up from the table and took his plate into the kitchen, leaving you to finish your meal alone.    

Normally, you wouldn’t have listened, determined to get to the bottom of Russell’s mysterious employer, but considering how your relationship was hanging by a thread at that point, you did. Despite the warning bells going off in your head, you did as exactly as he said: you let it be. 

You suddenly remembered Russell’s question to you. “You’re still breathing, aren’t you?”

Russell affected a slow nod, thinking it over. “And Colter?”

“I told them he’s no threat,” you murmured. “I talked to him, told him to forget they exist. He agreed as long as you were safe.”

For the first time since this conversation started, you could see Russell start to relax a bit, relief saturating his features. Even a small smile started to light up the tension in his face. While you could understand the feeling, share it even, something about it had you on your feet, walking over to the small refrigerator and pulling out a bottle of water from the six pack you had tossed in there when you booked the room. You held one up in an offer but Russell shook his head. 

“I’m good.”

You shrugged, unsurprised, and twisted off the cap, taking a drink. It made sense that he was still being cautious. Before you knew it, though, he was standing in front of you, that pleading yet determined look in his eyes again. 

“I want to get you out.”

You snorted. “There is no getting out, Russell. Not for me, anyway. Not until they’re done with me.”

He took a step closer and gently took the water bottle from you, placing it on the counter, and grasped your chin, forcing you to look up at him. “There’s always an exit strategy,” he murmured. “I never wanted this for you, Y/N. I only ever wanted to keep you safe. That’s why I left.”

Yeah, you knew that now, too. “I know that now. Why you wouldn’t tell me certain things about your job, but, Jesus, Russell. Did you really think they didn’t already know about me and who I was to you? Colter even? Dory? Your mom?”

He let out a deep sigh and hung his head, letting your chin go. “I know. I… It was a good fit for me at the time, the money was good — that’s why I hooked Doug up with them. But seeing how they hung him out to dry at the first opportunity and now you,” He tenderly ran his thumb along your cheek. “I’m seriously starting to rethink that decision.”

You pulled away from him. “It doesn’t matter. You can’t unring that bell.” You made your way back over to the bed and yanked your duffel bag from underneath it. You unzipped it and began rooting through it to make sure you had everything you needed for a quick getaway. You didn’t think you needed to go anywhere but now this location was blown for you since you had made the decision to let Russell know about it. You had already triple checked your stash when you left it here upon check-in but you needed something to focus on instead of the clear regret in Russell’s face. “And as for me, I made my decision.” You pulled out a gun from a secret compartment, checked the clip to make sure it was full, and slipped it back inside. “I’m good with it. I’ve used it fully to my advantage and I make good money, more than I was ever going to make at the Bureau, even if they fast-tracked me to Deputy Director. Solano was on our Most Wanted List for twenty six days and I took him out in one. Had he possibly gone free, there’s no telling what he would have done, who he would have hurt besides Doug.” You knew exactly what he would have done and who he would have hurt; he’d told you in explicit detail. You didn’t go into it but Russell wasn’t stupid (not when it came to things like this anyway). He most likely knew as well. He’d wanted to close up Solano as a loose end himself after all. “That kind of cleanup I can more than live with.”

Russell carefully approached, his eyes on the second gun you had pulled out and were checking. “I get that and I more than appreciate what you did with Solano. For Doug, for Colter and me.” Once you slipped the weapon back into its pocket, he laid a hand on your shoulder, prompting you to look over at him. “You can’t tell me, though, that this is what you want for your endgame. Not really.”

You shook your head in disbelief. “I don’t have an endgame, Russell. Maybe I did once but you took that the second you walked out the door, acting like everything we’d gone through meant nothing to you, like I meant nothing to you.” 

There was that remorse again and you despised it. “I’m sorry, I…handled that badly,” he admitted.

“Handled it badly?” You laughed in disbelief. You shirked his hand off of you and moved to the night table, yanking the drawer open to rip out the bible sitting in there. You opened it to the area you had cut out to hold emergency cash and cards, just like Russell had taught you once upon a time. “You told me I’d been nothing to you but a fling for the past four years, that you might have loved me once but you didn’t anymore. That I was…how did you put it? A fun distraction.” You slammed the bible shut and tossed it back into the drawer before closing it. You hurried back over to the bag, throwing the funds inside another secret compartment, more than done with this conversation.

“You’re right, I fucked up. I only said those things to—”

“Cut the cord, yeah, I know. Still doesn’t make it right,” you muttered, roughly zipping the duffel back up. 

“I wanted you to be safe. You were digging into them, even after I told you not to! And worse, you were pulling Colter into it!”

That quickly got your attention and you spun on your heel, jabbing a finger in the air at him. “Don’t you fucking dare lay Colter at my feet. Especially after what you just pulled last week. It wasn’t me hauling him into Doug’s case! Not to mention, way before you met me, the minute you took that job, you put everyone you knew on their radar and you know it! So don’t you fucking dare. I have been doing everything I can to make sure Colter is safe and doesn’t pull their attention, poring over every case he takes in the background to ensure they’re not involved or have any vested interests that are. Hell, I even just used a contact of mine to float a case over to Teddi and Velma to get him out of town and far away from here to continue keeping him safe. Me, Russell! Me! And what did you do to keep him safe? You blow back into town and not only put him even more on their radar, you deliver him right to their goddamn doorstep! So don’t you dare even try to put that on me,” you finished in a snarl. 

Shame lurked at the corners of his eyes and you scoffed in disgust, whirling around to grab your jacket from the bed before picking up the duffel bag and slinging the handle over your shoulder. “So glad we had this talk,” you sniped. “Now go have fun with the cheerleading dental hygienist or Reenie,” You could see more shame looking back at you. Unlike the hot tub conquest, Colter had actually told you about that one. You could tell how much it was bothering him and you knew he wouldn’t have mentioned it otherwise, knowing it wasn’t something you really wanted to hear. “Or that bartender you holed up with three weeks after you walked out on me,” Now you could see surprise; you could care less. “Or whoever you want. But me? I’m done. Have a nice life, Russell Shaw, and try not to get killed before you get out to start your little brewery operation. Oh, and try to manage not to get your brother or me killed in the process, yeah? Thanks ever so much. See ya.” 

You were walking towards the door when you were grabbed and whipped around. Before you could react, Russell was on you, his mouth covering yours and his hands gripping your face. “I love you,” he breathed against your lips after breaking away to let you catch your breath. “I’m sorry I said what I did back then but it wasn’t the truth. It took everything I had to walk away but as long as you were safe, that was all that mattered to me. I fucked up and I am sorry. I never stopped loving you, Y/N. Not ever.” 

He wiped at your cheeks and you hadn’t even realized you’d been crying. Shit. Well, that was embarrassing. Even more embarrassing was how much you wanted to believe him. You knew he was telling the truth about why he walked away, how he wanted to keep you safe, but it obviously hadn’t been as difficult for him to move on as it had been for you. “No, you don’t,” you choked out. “If that were true, you would have never walked out that door.” Your voice wobbled on those last few words and you hated it, hated how vulnerable you were being to him right now.

You wiped at your own cheeks and turned around, ignoring the pleading you saw once again in his eyes. 

“Y/N, please,” he ground out.

You kept moving towards the door. As you laid your hand on the door handle to turn it, you were whipped around one more time and he was kissing you yet again, your back pressed up against the wood. Except this time, you finally threw in the towel and gave in to what your damaged heart had been wanting all of this time. You buried your fingers in his hair and kissed him back just as passionately, not caring that more tears rolled down your cheeks as you did. He yanked the duffel bag from you and let it fall into a heap on the floor before lifting you up and turning to carry you over to the bed. You knew this was going to hurt like hell later but you refused to put a stop to it. You’d find a way to numb the pain when it ripped you open a second time, just like you always had. 

The only thought running through your mind as he laid you down and ripped your blouse open, sending buttons flying everywhere, was that you had been right. You knew the bastard had been lying earlier when you’d caught him looking between you and the bed. But right then as he lifted away from you to quickly shed his top layers and then dove back down to kiss you again and melt into you, your fingers greedily relearning every inch of his bare skin, you couldn’t care less.   

You reached your hand over, tenderly running a finger along the edges of the bandage on Russell’s arm. “Does it hurt?” You murmured.

“A little.” He turned his head to smile down at you. “More than worth it, though.”

You rolled your eyes, ignoring his chuckle at you gently pushing his head away, and turned onto your back. Russell embraced you with his other arm, pulling you into him. You rested your ear against his bare chest, hearing his steady heartbeat and settling your gaze on the ceiling above you. He pressed a kiss to your head, letting his lips linger against your hair, as his thumb rubbed your shoulder back and forth.

After a few minutes of content silence between you, you put voice to the question resounding in your mind. “How did we get here, Russell?”

“Well, you drove us over and then we—”

You softly swatted his chest, making him laugh and hearing the sound reverberate underneath your ear. “You know what I mean.”

“I wish I knew the best way to answer that, “ he whispered to you. You could hear the genuine regret in his tone and it made you start thinking about when you both would have to leave this motel room, and go back to the separate lives you had been living. Memories of lazy mornings like this back when you had been together, of you listening to his voice in your ear and knowing you were safe and loved, replayed in your mind on a loop. You would never admit it to him but you missed this, missed him. Nothing had felt right in the last couple of years like this moment here did. If anything, all of that time felt like some weird drug-induced nightmare, and you had just woken up to find Russell here next to you, nothing having changed. But that wasn’t true; everything had changed.

Not wanting to think about that just yet, you picked up the hand that had been caressing your shoulder and studied the skin of his wrist. “This is new.” You trailed your finger along the design of the tattoo sitting there. “What prompted you to get this one?”

“That’s something Doug and I got one night when we met up with another one of the guys from our unit when he was in town. Tommy Laird. Good man.”

“A crown?”

Russell shrugged underneath you. “Tommy picked the design.”

“‘We three kings’, huh?”

You heard him chuckle. “Never thought of it like that but sure.”

“Is he also a part of Horizon?”

You felt him tense underneath you at the mention of the dark and deadly elephant in the room. “No. He, uh, he lives with his wife and three kids in North Carolina. They have a house in Cary and he went back to the family business when he got home.”

You nodded and pulled his wrist to you, placing your lips on his skin and tenderly kissing the middle of the design before letting him go. He hugged you closer to him and placed a kiss to your ear in turn, letting out what sounded like a contented sigh. 

A moment later, he murmured. “I want to help get you out.”

You nearly rolled your eyes again. You wanted to ask him why he was dead set on thinking that you even wanted out. Perhaps the you he had known would want a way out, want something more out of life than money and secrets and cleanups, but you had changed a lot in the last three years. But you knew if you posed that question, it would shatter the cocoon you currently found yourselves in and you weren’t ready for that to end just yet. So instead, you reminded him of another angle of the truth. “That’s not possible. Not the way you’re thinking. You know that.”

“Anything’s possible.” You nearly smiled at his response; there was the stubborn streak that sometimes infuriated you and sometimes endeared you to him, like right now. But you needed to make sure you maintained a reality check for the both of you. You knew what he was really thinking.

“Even if it was, we can’t.”

His head lifted and he frowned down at you. “Why not?”

“This isn’t some Mr. and Mrs. Smith shit. We don’t get a happy ending,” you finished sadly, thinking back to the life you once shared together as you cupped his cheek and rubbed it gently with your thumb. “Not together. It’s too dangerous.” You left it at that but you knew that he was more than aware of what you meant. 

His frown intensified at your words and he covered your hand with his, turning to place a kiss into your palm. “We’ll work it out.”

“Russ,” you sighed.

He gently grasped your chin between his thumb and forefinger, looking into your eyes. “We’ll work it out,” he softly repeated, that glint of determination back in his gaze. 

You decided once more that you wouldn’t bother launching into the many reasons it actually wouldn’t work out and you would refrain from popping that bubble he had just wrapped you both in. That moment would come later. But for now, you continued to keep silent.

When he noticed you weren’t going to say anything, a mischievous smile began to form on that handsome face you loved. “You know, I don’t really have anything planned for today. How about you?”

Other than some paperwork you had to go over later, your day was pretty much free, too. Even if it hadn’t been, you knew that look and after this morning, despite still having some unresolved anger with him, despite things that still needed to be said between you, you would have freed up your schedule immediately. “I don’t think I’ll be missed for a while,” you teased.

He leaned in to kiss you, whispering to your lips, “Oh, you were missed. Very much fucking missed.” The impishness you had heard a moment before was now absent but he never gave you a chance to respond. Instead, he kissed you deeply and began moving to cover your body with his once again. He maneuvered himself in between your thighs, your legs automatically coming up to gently cradle his hips. “Your arm,” you broke away to warn him.

“Don’t care.” He lowered down to keep kissing you and surprisingly (or unsurprisingly perhaps), all was right in the world right then. You didn’t allow yourself to get swept away by it or by the fantasy of something that would never be. Sadly, the time for you and Russell to be together had come and gone. You’d had your chance and you both had blown it, with him starting you out of the gate. This right here, this was all that was left — like embers of a dying fire. You would always love him, you knew that (truthfully, you had always known it), but this was all you would ever have. Once you both walked out that door, you would be walking in separate directions, taking different paths in your lives, no matter what Russell would say. 

But for right now, you allowed yourself to live in the moment, to enjoy it as he groaned into your mouth when your hand helped guide him to where you both wanted him to be. You held onto him as he began a slow movement within you, knowing you would need to take over again very soon when his left arm began to tremble. But until then you kept him close to you, drank deeply of him, and reveled in what the two of you had always managed to create together, content to keep Horizon and the rest of the world on the other side of the motel room door, if only for a moment longer. 

A/N: I know I left some things open and unresolved. I wanted to do that to let this be a gateway to the continuing story in the short series coming titled "Closer".

Please let me know what you think. 😊

[wolfstarlibrarian]

Hello! I've been loving your tiktoks and I have a somewhat selfish question. I'm wondering if you have posts with links of the fics you've recommended on tiktok? Specifically I'm thinking of a video where you were recommending fics for someone just getting into wolfstar. And while that's not me, lol, I was horrified how many I hadn't read! But didn't have it in me right then to go and find them and mark them all for later. Feel free to tell me that some ao3 searching is good for me ;)

Hello and thank you for supporting me on two channels?! 🥹 And yes, I'll link the fics here for you as well as a list of more fics to get people introduced to Wolfstar as a ship.

And thanks for the feedback! If I grab fics from a list to post on TikTok, I'll start commenting with the link so you can find them easily. Hope that helps and thanks for sending an ask!

Wolfstar Starter Kit WolfstarLibrarian on TikTok

New To Wolfstar Fics

Fics to share with people to get them on board this ship!

Incredible Things orphaned account When Lily Evans agrees to go on a date with James, he panics and seeks comfort from his favourite werewolf who is pining away for his own, secret crush. One thing leads to another, and they discover a few things about themselves.

Nox by bliiinding

The Marauders are starting their fifth year at Hogwarts; Remus is starting with a massive scar across his face - a byproduct of the increasing severity of his furry little problem, which is a definite cause for concern despite his insistence that it it’s fine.

If I May Just Take Your Breath Away by @lovingremus "Sirius making it to the team had brought an unpredicted guest to the stands surrounding the pitch. Remus Lupin’s sudden interest in their Quidditch practices after years of refusing to attend even the matches was odd enough, and at first, Sirius didn’t understand why James was complaining – he was more than happy to have Remus there, to keep him company and for him to stare at."

copycats by @kangandkodos

Sirius is a trend setter. Sirius is a trend setter that doesn’t seem to notice it, or care, or make any comment towards the fact that he wore his hair in a ponytail last week and now half the school have styled their hair in exactly the same way. Remus cares.

I Wouldn't Mind by @omg-someone-actually Your typical Hogwarts get-together including but not limited to: vicious full moon, teenage shenanigans and drama, excessive swearing, one (1) oblivious idiot in love, one (1) not-so-oblivious-but-still-an-idiot in love and some good old pining.

Wet Dog by @lying-like-breathing Sirius is tired of Remus saying he smells like a wet dog, so he bathes himself in amortentia to cover it up. It doesn’t work quite as well as he expected it to…

Share this with your own recs!

[daydreams-after-dark]

i knew i recognized that goblin in ur brain reading abt scientists channie🥵

but i need to know more, like that happened before ch.1? how did they meet? why did the reader decide to be one of channie’s test subjects? are they doing it willingly or were they tRICKED BY MASTERMIND CHANNIE AND-

ahem my apologies idk what came over me there🥲

if you have answers to these clearly very important (read with major sarcasm lol), feel free to reach me at @kpopsstuffs

also, if no one has told you today, you’re hot af, and you got a cute butt (;

🤠🤩🖤

Well, gosh, thank you for the butt compliment (I love words of affirmation).

You know… I hadn’t thought about a backstory. My imagination was just thrown into it already established. It was originally a oneshot, and I might have felt it having captive vibes back then … but I had a little think about it all this morning, in bed.

This is what I believe to be the backstory:

Chris needed test subjects. So he put out an ad online seeking participants, in exchange for financial payment. A lot of females applied, and in the end he selected ten, including you.

The experiments started off well. All pussies were very receptive. But as time went on, his subjects began to withdraw from the experiment. Some of them were just staying until they’d saved enough money to pay for their college debts. Others decided it wasn’t for them.

Eventually, Chris only had three test subjects, you and two others. You were so receptive and enthusiastic that Chris decided to let the other two go and focus all his efforts on you.

When you applied to be a test subject, you weren’t entirely sure what was involved. But in the very first meeting Chris explained what he was working on: making pussies come, and all the ways it could be done.

You were intrigued. So you let him do his first hole inspection there and then. The look in his eyes when he investigated your pussy made you feel alive, and your body wanted him to touch you. He didn’t touch you that first time. He only looked.

Your payment was both in cash and board, and you moved into Chris’s premises within the first week. You spend your time reading, researching, studying, and are just as interested in the experiment as the scientist.

You didn’t know you had these desires inside. The desire to please, submit, endure. You wanted to push your own limits as much as Chris did. You wanted to know how much pleasure-pain you could take.

When the experiments are being conducted you’re submissive and compliant. A good girl letting the scientist(s) probe and play with you.

Outside the experiment, Chris talks you, gets to know you, confides in you. Your relationship has become sexual too, and you often end up in his bed at night.

You aren’t bound to this experiment, you’re not held against your will. You can stop at any time. You can leave at any time.

But you don’t want to. You’re too curious and intrigued, and the pleasure is just too good.

Hope this helps xxx.

Tag list : open

@channieandhisgoonsquad @noellllslut @itsseohannbin @weareapackofstrays @kangnina @3rachasdomesticbanana @palindrome969 @xxkissesforchanniexx @chuuchuu1224 @fun-fanfics @wolfennracha @rhonnie23 @jisunglyricist @strayywayy @lurking-coconut @bethanysnow @bubblebisk @openthevale @rylea08 @doyunkang @jabmastersupriseee @stephanieeeyang @comicnerd557 @stellasays45 @shltsnglggles @grandma143 @armystay89 @stays-mya @frozenpeasworld @still-a-stray @jeonginsleftcheek @kpopstuffs @babycheech

[hornedandwingedangel]

Raphael thoughts

I’ve been analyzing him a lot recently so here are some thoughts I have about my favorite cambion.

SFW

- tbh, I don’t think he’d be that bad in a relationship. He canonically says he cant resist helping you, he likes you. Maybe he almost respects you? In a way. Sure, he’d be toxic sometimes. But he even said he’d “make time for his favorite client”. He cares about you, I think he’d be pretty nice.

- For example, I think he’d buy you nice things. He has expensive taste and he’d want you to look good next to him. And ofc he’d love handing you a beautiful dress or necklace to see a smile on your face.

- he’s actually your biggest supporter. He genuinely wants you to succeed in the things you do. You can see from a conversation with Korilla.

- He reminds me so much of Ursula lol. Flamboyant, manipulative, condescending

- It’d take a while of being in a relationship with him for him to open up, but eventually he’d vent to you about his father and issues between them. I think in general, he’s not super open, but he is quite honest.

- an example of that honesty is that he tells you that the Orphic hammer is a good trade and he writes in his journal that he really believes it is. I think he genuine likes you and wants to help you (but not quite enough to let you get in the way of his plans)

- I don’t think you can “fix” him or calm his ambition down as much as you can with Astarion or Gale. But I think you can calm him down just enough for him to let himself express his human side around you more often.

- hugs! He would be suave and very nonchalant about letting you hug him, but he secretly LOVES holding you in his arms. Feeling you in his grasp. His own little mouse all to himself.

- LOTS of banter. Well, he likes your praise and attention all to himself. But he also likes some arguing. He finds you being opinionated and having stimulating intelectual conversations attractive.

NSFW

- This guy has serious anger issues. It’s not hard to piss him off. I think it’d be a lot of fun to rile him up sometimes. He’s cute when he’s angry. Ofc, this can lead to… “punishment” and such… “activities”

- now about him being a bottom and whatever. Here’s what I think based on other headcannons I’ve heard. 1) he wouldn’t rly bottom for you. he wouldn’t submit to anyone who wasn’t him (or on his level like Haarlep who is in Raphael’s form anyway). 2) he’s “bad” in bed bc he doesn’t have to do any work to be satisfied. Haarlep does all the work and they don’t have a romantic relationship aside from sex so there’s no real reason for him to put in any effort. But you can’t tell me after idk, hundreds of years? of having sex he doesn’t know how to fuck?

- he would never make you do anything you didn’t wanna do. When it comes to how you guys do the devils tango, I think these headcannons are totally up to you. But imo, he’s a dom on the aggressive side with teasing, humiliation, and condescending praise.

If you have any bc questions (ex: would he like ___?) pls comment :) I hope you like these hcs 🫶🏼

[nekropsii]

Atomic Ask Bomb 3!!

We got a shorter one this time around! I hope everyone's evening is going well!

Content Warning: Long-ish, Discussions of Ableism + Queerphobia, Weird Cronus Moment™.

Same. I'd read a fanventure about that, I think.

Like, I don't personally believe WV would be allergic to being a mentor or something of a father figure, but I do have to wonder the level to which he was wigged out by the way that Dave and Karkat treat him, because Dave in particular imprints on him in a way that is... Kind of strange.

The later portions of Homestuck really baby WV. It's upsetting.

------

Easy. The actual things wrong with them.

A lot of the discourse surrounding them is fabricated, or has such poor priorities it might as well be fabricated. Most critical conversations about them surrounds things people just made up over the course of years of mythologizing their #Problematicness.

For Example: Most of the discourse surrounding why Horuss had problematic writing had to do with how he was "Bad Otherkin Representation", when the real issue was the fact that Hussie was conflating Being Otherkin with having a Dissociative Disorder, and in turn saying both of them are the exact same level of Fake And Gay for the exact same reason, because to Hussie they were the same thing. To this day, people get startled every time I point out that Horuss is canonically a System despite him bringing it up just as regularly as he does being Therian. Those are totally wack priorities.

------

...That's scary... I don't even have words...

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LOL. The Lost Weeaboos was a Grade A bit. Thank you Aranea, very cool.

Honestly, I don't even count Cronus as a "facade character", because it's not like he's making any efforts to hide jack shit. It's been... Interesting, watching several people refer to "his facade" lately, when, like... What are they talking about, honestly? He's pretty bold-faced about his whole deal. This isn't really a Dave situation where you could be capable of falling for it when you're younger, because Cronus couldn't be doing a worse job at "hiding" how awful he is. He's not even trying, because he knows he can get away with it. What are the other Alphas gonna do? Leave?

Hope you're having a good time!! The Alpha Trolls may be a Trash Heap, but they are my Trash Heap.

------

There comes a point where it's almost comedic how unaware people are of it... Like, what do you mean you know he's a Horse Therian but not that he's a System? He literally calls himself the Host of a System and talks about Switching. IN THOSE TERMS. He's not even obfuscating it by using some esoteric Troll terminology, he is LITERALLY using the words "Host", "System", and "Switching".

It's painful. I know this is a moment befitting of an XKCD comic, but... Jeez. You'd think these things would both be on the same level of common knowledge, considering how they're traits that are directly related to each other and given equal amounts of screen time, but nope!

Unfortunately, it is a situation where this is relevant. Sad!

------

All characters will become AroSpec and/or ASpec with the help of my Beam Attack.

... Except for Cronus. It's just not funny when it's him. Due to The Themes. It's not fun to headcanon a character as any minority when a huge part of their character is that they pretend to be minorities for Pity Points to eventually cash in for Sex. Ew. Making him literally anything other than Just Cronus plays directly into so many vile Queer stereotypes it's insane. Those are stereotypes that have gotten people actually genuinely killed. Just... Ew. Gross.

------

[zekkopunks]

I'm curious, do you have any specific tips for drawing fingers? Or does it just sorta come naturally with practice for you?

I started grabbing stuff so I can make this but it turned into a hand tutorial oops. Gonna try to explain a few things because it’s a lil incomprehensible. There’s 4 main ways I like stylizing fingers but they’re all broken into 2 segments instead of the usual 3 realistic ones. The shorthands are quick ways I like drawing fingers/the hand (the red arrows represent the flow of my pen). It’s all about breaking down the hand into simple shapes so it’s easier and quicker to draw!

I do recommend studying actual hands too because it’s crucial to understanding how to stylize them. Here’s some studies i’ve done in the past ^^

There’s always room for improvement, hell even I don’t consider myself good at hands but I hope this helps somehow

and finally here’s youtube videos I recommend that explain this stuff better than I can lol

[nomeniko]

hi :D for the ask game What do you wish more people understood about kazui? Which trial 2 MV do you enjoy the most, and why?

thank you for the ask i would grovel at ur feet in gratitude i hope the sun shines down and makes the light dance for u and you only today

1. if anything ive seen a few theories of kazui possibly revealing himself to be a two faced manipulator of sorts due to his self proclaimed liarness…. like ‘ohh u cant trust what he says he cld be trying to make himself look pitiable to the audience to get voted inno’ sort of theories which is. no he wont do that???

is he a liar? to a degree yes—liar not in the sense that what he says are direct falsities, but more like hes built much of his character to constantly disguise his true intentions/feelings as a defense mechanism. the lies he says are less of words from a schemer and more of redirections from someone who is, all in all, an insecure adult scared of what will happen if he isnt able to meet peoples expectations of him

as much as he calls himself a liar hes mad honest about where he thinks his capabilities lie, which is to say he doesnt believe in his capabilities at all lol. when amane asks him for help with her studies, he turns her down after some consideration bc he doesnt believe himself to be smart enough to help (despite having graduated from a university; sports degree or not credit shld be given where credit is due). when he talks to shidou post ktk attack, he refuses to admit doing any of the work in taking care of the situation and instead puts all the praise onto shidou. even his physical strength and skill (which is arguably the one part of him he does acknowledge and take some sort of belief in) is something he treats as less of something that he has achieved himself and more of an obligation of his—like, hes strong bc to him he HAS to be, bc it is expected of him to protect those who need protecting. he does want to protect others, sure, but much of that wanting comes frm how ingrained it is in him that thats what hes good for, thats what his strength is for (his timeline w/ yuno on her bday says as much nyway)

the way i see it, that self deprication of his plays back into his obsession with meeting the expectations placed onto him, or at least lessening the disappointment of others by lessening those expectations in the first place. if u tell someone that u didnt go to the right university, that u didnt do much to help anyway, that u were born so fundamentally wrong as a person that everything is bound to go to shit as long as ur there (he basically said this to es in his t1 vd im not even kidding), wouldnt that ensure the safety that youre less likely to ruin someone elses confidence in you? less likely to ruin bc in the small chance that u still fuck up, theres not much left to ruin at that point

in the end ig what i wish more ppl understood abt kazui is that hes a liar yes, but not a manipulator. he lies to stay safe, not to be a sadist or whatever. you cant take what he says at face value (in much the same way u cant do the same for any other prisoner tbh), but that does not mean u shldnt take anything he says srsly at all!!!

2. ok this one i have to give a bit of thought, mostly bc i cant pick just one

if the standards were which t2 mv do i enjoy for its direction music n visual wise, purge march takes the cake so quickly. the music itself is so bomb (which like, i cant even find a logical explanation as to why… its just so good to listen to) n the mv itself does such a great job at creating the right atmosphere, both in its flashy theatrics and the subtle uncanniness under it. mayb i have a slight bias bc tpm was the whole reason i got into milgram in the first place, but i stand by it idccc

aesthetic wise, def all knowing and all agony. the horror elements r genuinely disturbing, but not so overbearing that it overwrites the pop style that milgram has going on. i luove the use of amber for blood, plus the filters that remind me of found footage u usually see show up in asian horror movies. i think i was actually terrified the first time i watched the mv

symbolic wise, its cat always and forever god bless. it takes advantage of its aesthetics to hint at subtle secrets so well that it makes me giddy as hell. the use of colors as a part of the set, the transitions frm scene to scene having its own part in making the story, n honestly making the bg more blank than usual readjusts the focus of the mv on what matters p well. i cant mention every detail rn or else id be here all day

[lowkeyrobin]

JJ MAYBANK ; i remember everything

summary ; after returning home, you & jj get in a fight after you try and ignore the presence of john b and sarah ; a part two to replacement

warnings ; language, physical fighting, 2nd person pov is omniscient and reveals that reader blames themselves / they're in the wrong

disclaimers ; never finished s3 bc it was so boring and idk what's going on w s4, so they're back home safe and without any gold I guess. the story will be that they're all waiting for court dates or smthn lol

track ; i remember everything, zach bryan & kacey musgraves

word count ; 1.6k

masterlist ; part one

You sit on the sand, the water creeping up on your sneakers as you're fully dressed and just out of school. You think in silence, your eyes glazed over as you stare out at the horizon. You'd texted your friends that you were coming down here. You had a rough day, you just needed some alone time for a while to sit with your thoughts.

You think back to your real friends, the ones who didn't like you just because you were a walking yes button.

You remember how Kie and Pope clearly wanted to talk to you, but JJ always needed to step up and be an ass. You wished you could've just tried to speak to them, you didn't realize that they'd be leaving for good, apparently.

It'd been four months, you'd become more worried than ever. Your texts and calls were always left sent and unanswered, any attempt of constact futile. Kie's and Pope's parents were obviously the most worried as their children had run off with no trace.

They'd interrogated you over and over to no avail, as you didn't know anything. They just kinda left without you.

You wished you would've just for a second believed that maybe John B and Sarah were okay, but no, you had to start a fight. It was your fault, who were you kidding?

You remember the beat-down basement couch at JJ's that you all lounged on the few times when his dad wasn't around. You remember the time when you sang love songs to JJ as practice while he'd tell you about how his mom ran off and pawned her ring.

You remember that last smile, he only smiled like that when he was drinking.

Every time you thought of him, though, you smelt CrazyArt crayons, the ones that didn't even draw, you saw the same brown carpet that needed replacing years ago. Vertical wood in the hallway to paint the walls, it was engraved in your mind. You remember the dead flowers resting over the sink in the little windowsill above it, having been dead for months at least. They were completely wilted, most of the petals having fallen off, the glass vase stained with a little brown line across where the water sat still.

He probably didn't feel anything about it now, but you felt like you were driving through a hurricane. You felt like those dead flowers on JJ's kitchen windowsill, dead yet still not thrown away yet.

You lay back on the sand, your limbs sprawled out like a sad starfish. You pull your knees up, solidifying your spot in the sand. The grain knots itself into your hair, which wouldn't come out completely for a solid week since you learned the hard way long ago.

After twenty or so minutes of staring into the afternoon sky, you sit back up, attempt to shake any loose sand out of your hair, and stand up, gathering your thoughts in the process. You walk up the beach, returning to the road where your bike is perched on the curb. You hop on and peddle your way back home, cutting through town to do so.

You hoped a cold shower on this hot day would relieve you of the burning sensation on your skin, or at least help with your overwhelming, guilty thoughts. As you ride, you notice a few people walking down the sidewalk in front of you, thankfully leaving you some room to go past them.

As you grow closer, you notice their faces belong to those of your friends and an extra, for some reason. You smoothly swerve to the right, past Kie, not paying them any mind.

JJ minded, though, having tried to send a smile your way, for whatever reason. Kie did as well, as she opened her mouth to say hello.

"Hey, Y/n!" She defeatedly waves, letting her hand rest at her side as she watches you ride away.

You, out of fear and surprise, hide the sight away in your mind, because they were definitely your friends, or used to be your friends. Either way, they were home.

The next day, you had your headphones on while riding around town on your bike. You decided to enjoy some Zach Bryan and the heat, considering it was Saturday. You didn't end up going to that party with your friends, you just felt too groggy and gross after seeing them again.

You stop for a minute at Twist & Shake, wanting to get some French fries and some of that pineapple Dole Whip ice cream you'd been craving. You pull into the little parking lot and lean your bike against the building's right wall, not wanting to fight with the stand at the moment. You grab your wallet out of your back pocket and pull your headphones down around your neck, walking up to the order window.

You place your order and stand off to the side of the pickup window, hoping that no one was actively stealing your bike since it wasn't in view. You see a group of teens your age walk up to the window, of course, your old friends. You quickly turn your head away after getting a glance of them, tapping your foot on the pavement impatiently as you wait for your food.

"Y/n, oh my God, hi!" Sarah smiles, waving at you.

Her smile falters as you stare down at your feet, arms crossed as you wait. Her blonde hair frames her saddened face as she looks over at John B and Kie with a confused look. She looks hurt, she'd never left anything off on horrible terms with you, even if, lightly bad. She thought you were friends now.

Kie shrugs, pulling a twenty from her pocket as John B turns to JJ and Pope. Kie and Cleo lean against the sill against the ordering window as they order for themselves and their friends.

JJ rolls his eyes. "I told you, they replaced us"

"What do you mean?" Sarah asks, "I- They aren't here with anyone? What happened? Did we do something?-"

"No, they did something," JJ clarifies, "We got in a fight, and now they won't talk to any of us, like I said."

Pope shakes his head, "You got in a fight with them," He corrects, "They had a right to be suspicious about if they were really alive. They've been through enough, JJ. If you even cared, you'd notice that, but you had to put yourself first-"

"I didn't put myself first, I put John B and Sarah first!-"

John B rests a hand on JJ's shoulder, silently telling him to back off and calm down. The blonde stops himself, taking a breath.

"Try speaking up, maybe they didn't hear you" Pope hopefully says to Sarah, seeing her desperation to talk to you again.

"Y/n?" Sarah calls, making sure she's loud enough for you to hear. "Hey, it's me, Sarah?"

You continue to ignore her, feeling guilty as you do so. You just weren't ready to speak to them yet, you already felt awful but you didn't realize you were only making it worse.

JJ, now upset, walks up to you, shoving your shoulder. You look up at him, nearly glaring at him.

"Fuck is your problem?" He asks, "John B and Sarah are alive and you're gonna ignore them? You're gonna ignore us?"

"I'm not ignoring you. I don't want anything to do with you" You mumble, "Leave me alone"

"Are you fucking kidding me?" JJ asks, "You're seriously still doing this shit? You really never cared, did you?"

"Shut up, JJ. It's almost like I don't wanna fucking talk to you right now-"

"Yeah, cause you replaced your actual friends, you peace of shit." He spits, "Shows how much you care"

You push him away, not wanting to interact. Kie turns her head as the employee hands her change back, seeing you push the blonde away from you.

"Guys?-"

JJ pushes you back with a snarky comment. You push him back, cursing him out for some blind sighted reason.

He responds with a punch to your face, urging Pope, Kie, and John B to try and pull him away from you as you hit him back. Cleo and Sarah rush to your side, trying to pull you away as well, both parties unsuccessful.

Shouting, gasps, and yells fill the air as you two hit each other over and over, yelling profanities back and forth. You end up tackling him to the ground somehow, the three behind him stepping back as he falls. You straddle him, landing blow after blow on him, like revenge for that fight months ago.

His face is bloodied, and in that moment, you pull yourself away, realizing that look in his eyes. You'd become his father. In some alternate universe, you were the abuser all along. You stand up, falling into Sarah's and Cleo's open arms. Shit, you didn't even know Cleo, but here she was, letting you fall into her.

JJ glares at you, wiping the blood pouring from his nose.

Pope shares a look with John B, then you, an apologetic and slightly scared expression in your eyes. You didn't even know why you did it, you couldn't even feel yourself when you did it.

"What the fuck?" Kie nearly shouts, looking between you and the blonde. "It is never that serious to fight in a parking lot of Twist & Shake"

"Apparently, it is." You spit, walking away to grab your food before you're kicked off the property. "I didn't replace you. I don't wanna die trying to save some gold, that's it. See you later, " you grumble, walking away with a sore eye and knuckles.

The group, minus JJ, share confused and worried looks, watching you glide away on your bicycle.

"Jesus Christ..."