#i hope this one makes sense lol I wanted to make more memes and felt like this one was a stretch

[whumpinthepot]

@febuwhump 2023

Day twenty eight: “You’re safe now”

[justanamesstuff]

The intimacy of being understood

Chapter 4

Matty Healy x f!reader

A/N: She (this chapter lol) is sad and hurts very much but i swear is the only heavy chapter. I hope you like it...as always feedback (not hate) is always welcomed :)♥

Warnings: mention of death, angst, hurt feelings, typos.

Word count: 3 K

Blog Masterlist Series Masterlist

Kate walked from one side to the other, looking funny from Y/n’s perspective, who was sitting in front of the big couch. The one in front of her hid the lower part of Kate’s body, so the mixture of her friend’s figure dancing around in the air and how angry she was at the moment amused Y/n. 

In the last few years, the pair of friends talked –mostly Kate– about their careers multiple times. Kate worked for a big company, she aspired to be at the top someday –Y/n knew it in her bones she would make it. Although, life was being unfair with her friend. Kate’s bosses promoted her nemesis, a very unqualified woman, who Kate despised with her entire soul, and ranted about her with Y/n. 

The owner of the bookshop felt like they had had that exactly conversation so many times, so she heard half of what Kate was telling her, dropping words or sound of encouragement from time to time. Y/n accepted the reality that Kate didn’t necessarily want advices from her, just someone that could give her the time and moment so let her feeling out. So, she did. 

Meanwhile, Kate shouted and walked from side to side, Y/n played with the golden neckless around her neck mindlessly. Her mind didn’t go to the same places as they used to when she moved the ring –attached to it– from side to side, creating a hypnotic sensation. Y/n found herself thinking about Matty and the messages they have shared all those weeks. A small smile creeping into her mouth.

“You have to see the amount of typos she makes. It’s painful!” Kate shouted, startling Y/n.

She added almost automatically, “Mhm.” and reached for her phone resting beside her on the couch. 

“I shouldn’t say this…” Kate stopped, placing her hands on the couch, looking at Y/n. “It’s not very feminist from myself, but I think she’s sleeping with the CEO or something.” Y/n’s friend cringe a little hearing her own words. “That job should be mine, not hers.” she let her body fell forward, until her head touched the cushions of the couch.

“I bet they’re going to give it to you eventually, Kate.” Y/n said, huffing softly when no new messages popped on her screen. She tried to calm her anxieties thinking about how busy Matty must be. 

“Eventually…I don’t want to wait for those morons to wake up and see she’s not capable. I’ve been breaking my back for years for them to just-”

ping!

Y/n hated how fast her hand grabbed the device again after merely minutes –or maybe seconds. Matty had sent her new memes, making her laugh out loud. The man cracked her sense of humour sooner than she intended, and was feeding it constantly. She didn’t know how he did it. 

Kate pushed her head up staring at Y/n, her face red since all the blood was going to her head. 

“Righ, what’s so funny?” 

“Nothing.” Y/n replied, typing away with a big smile. 

“Y/n.”

“What?”

Y/n’s friend didn’t answer right away. She pushed herself all the way up, staring at her best friend lost inside her phone. Kate rounded the big couch, sitting properly in front of Y/n.

“Please, make this impossible day a little bit better for me.” 

“Funny pop up notification.”

Kate scoffed loud. She wasn’t stupid, and she knew Y/n.

“Okay, I’ll believe that lie.” 

“It’s not a lie.” Y/n locked her phone after answering Matty and sent a few more memes. 

“You have been smiling down at your phone for days now. I haven't said a word.”

Y/n sit very still, looking at Kate with her eyes full of panic for some reason. 

“What haven’t you tell me now?”

“It’s not a big deal.”

“Well, you’re blushing like when Tom Dickinson asked you out.” Kate pestered her.

Y/n hid her embarrassed face from Kate, pushing a cushion on her face, “Absolutely not like that!” 

ping! 

“I hate when you leave me out.” Kate pouted a little.

“I’m not doing anything.”

“Mhm.”

Y/n knew it wasn’t fair from her to bring Kate’s nemesis back, so her friend went back to complain about her but, she said, “Dalia…”

“Oh, I hate the sound out of that bitch!”

Sooner, Kate went back to her rant. Y/n breathed deeply knowing she was out of danger. 

****

4 days later 

The weather was very cold the afternoon Matty walked all the way from Sam’s house –after visiting him, Allen and Mayhem–, to the bookshop. His heart sunk and a weird sensation travelled from his neck all the way down his spine. In all the months Matty knew the place and Y/n, he had never saw it closed so he panicked. 

The typical sign he saw every time he crossed the door showed the ‘closed’ side with a note attached to it saying ‘we’re closed today, sorry to disturb you’. Matty guessed it was Y/n handwriting. Y/n. 

Matty fought with his coat trying to reach the inside pocket where he left his phone. He needed to know she was alright. 

Matty: Y/n x

Y/n 📚: Hey

Matty: everything alright?

Y/n 📚: yes, you?

Matty: I'm at the shop…

Y/n 📚: Oh

Matty witnessed how Y/n typed a sentence but before sending it she deleted it, and the same happened a few more times. Until Y/n added a question to her response. 

Y/n 📚: do you want to go for a coffee and a walk? 

The singer read it twice, thinking he was delusional or hallucinating. He never expected that boldness coming from Y/n even though he was not going to let the opportunity pass.

Matty: sure.

Y/n 📚: do you remember where I live?

Matty: yes, I’ll let you know when I'm there.

Y/n 📚:  okay x

During the short walk –which Matty almost ran– he wondered what was happening. Why the shop is closed? Why Y/n is inviting me to a date? It was a date? Where they that kind of friends now? Was it more? For the first time in a very long time, Matty felt he was deeply nervous.

When he was only a block away, Matty looked around, trying to figure out if the people walking closer recognized him. The least thing he wanted was to meet fans when he was out with Y/n who didn’t know what he did for a living –or that was he knew. Thankfully, no one noticed or cared about him. 

Matty reached her house breathing rapidly, almost out of breath. So, before Matty texted her letting her know he was there, the singer took a minute to admire the house. It was very Y/n and the thought took him by surprise. Even though before he could go down that road inside his head, Y/n walked the short way to meet him. 

“Hi.” Y/n awkwardly said, fixing her sunglasses on top of her nose.

“Hello.”

They stood there for a minute saying nothing more, until Y/n offered him, “Shall we?” pointing with her hand to the street. 

“Yes, yes.” Matty felt so stupid. 

Both of them wanted to start a conversation, but neither knew how nor what to say. Y/n chose the reasonable thing from her part.

“Im sorry…about the shop.” 

“Surprised me.” Matty admitted.

Y/n knew it was the main reason behind him texting her that day, but the only answered coming from her mouth was a short, “Mhm.”

“Something happened?” the singer tried.

“Yes.” she said in a cryptic tone. 

Before Matty could keep trying, they arrived to Y/n’s favourite coffee shop. She asked him what he wanted, and proceed to pay for both. The action didn’t go unnoticed by him, who protested, although she shushed him.

“I like walking around the lake’s park, do you mind?” she told him when they were out of the shop.

“Let’s go.”

This time, Y/n didn’t wait, saying, “I’m sorry about the mystery.”

“What do you mean?” Matty’s purpose was to make it sound like a joke, and even though she noticed that day, Y/n wasn’t in the mood. Even less after the cashier gifted her a knowing look. 

“I-”

“You don't have to tell me, Y/n.” because even though he was dying to know the reason if she wasn’t comfortable talking about it, Matty didn’t want to push her. An afternoon in silence with Y/n would be perfect for the singer. 

“I want to. It’s just hard, specially today.” she said at the same moment they crossed the limits of the park.

“Take your time.”

They walked in silence for a long while, which gave Matty enough time to admire the surroundings. He knew the park by name, although he never really spent time there. His new friendship with Y/n not only pushed him to explore places inside his mind, it also made him actually discover new places. Matty silently thanked the universe for making him open that door all those weeks back.

“Do you remember when I had a panic attack back then?” Y/n asked out of the blue.

Matty turned, admiring her side, “Yes.”

“What trigger it?”

“I do.” Matty remembered that day very well. 

How could he not when Y/n let him –almost a stranger– see her most vulnerable side and trusted him enough, so he could guide her through the panic attack. That moment brought Matty to think this was a very special bond. He never doubted it, though. 

“Months before you came running from the devil…” Y/n started 

“That…I prefer to forget.” Matty teased, gaining a giggle from Y/n. 

“I know. Months before that, I was about to get married.” 

Matty was stunned, “What?”

Y/n laughed louder now, “Can you believe it? I couldn’t…” they walked a few meters in silence. Matty looked between the path around the pond they were taking and Y/n face lost in her mind. 

“We had everything planned, nothing big, nothing fancy. Neither of us had many to spend, and every penny we wanted to save it for a house…a place to raise our kids.” Y/n’s eyes fell to the ground. Matty noticed she looked tiny inside her big coat. “We shared a vision, a dream. I never shared that lever of intimacy with anyone in my life, not even Kate. He was everything to me.” she told Matty, playing with her empty cup between her hands.

“Was?” Matty found himself asking. 

“He still is…if I'm honest.” Y/n turned, staring at Matty for the first time in almost half hour. She feared to find pity, although she found a warmness inside his soft brown eyes. “A part of my heart is always going to be his, as dramatic as that can sound.” Matty chuckled. 

“I get it.” because he truly did, he felt the same with his ex-girlfriend no matter the circumstances. “What happened?”

Y/n took a deep breath before saying, “It was a similar day like today. I was at the shop, tearing my hairs out because the flavour for the cake wasn’t perfect. The baker wasn’t listening to what we wanted, doing whatever he felt like. Jason-” Y/n felt her throat sore after saying his name out loud. 

She cleared her throat and continued, “Sorry, Jason was driving south to visit his sister. I remember him calling me during a stop he did along the journey. Feels so foreign to think about our conversation now, everything about that stupid cake.” Y/n look up to the top of the trees above them. “He calmed me, saying something about how the cake didn’t matter since we’re going to get married, that was the important part. He was always right, he centred me when my mind ran around in circles.” Matty noticed she smiled to the memory of her boyfriend, breaking his heart a little. “After that, we said goodbye and I told him to call again when he arrived.” tears polled around the corner of her eyes, knowing what was coming next. 

“Y/n…”

The girl reassured Matty, “It’s okay. He- He never arrived.”

“Y/n.” Matty spoke again, this time taking her hand, and she let him. 

Matty didn't know if she noticed, she squeezed it telling him, “He crushed his car in front of a track. The man driving it fell asleep and lost control of the mobile. Jason didn’t stand a chance.”

“Y/n, I’m so sorry.” he was. 

“He died, and I was obsessing about a cake we never get to it.” Y/n laughed ironically, drying her tears with her free hand. 

Matty opened and closed his mouth, he wanted to say something, although words scape his mind before he could make a single sound. Y/n noticed.

“You don’t have to say anything, Matty. I appreciate it, though.” she tightened the grip around his hand. “That’s the reason behind me closing the shop on days like…today.” the anniversary of Jason’s accident.

“Mhm.”

“I’m sorry, I didn’t want to bring the mood down.”

“Y/n, please.” Matty stared at her eyes through the lenses of her sunglasses. 

“I feel better telling you.” she admitted. 

“Do you?”

“Yes, I have been very fond of our…friendship. I felt like I was hiding a part of me.” Y/n let all the truth out.

Matty worried, feeling he hadn’t been very open himself. “If that’s the case, I’ve been hiding a couple parts of me.”

“You mean the band?” she cut him. 

“Kate?”

Y/n confirmed it, “Kate. I felt so stupid when she told be about the playlist and…the rest.” she genuinely laughed with happiness, soothing Matty’s heart. 

“It was really cute and sincere.” he caressed the skin of her hand. 

Y/n blushed, saying, “Stop.”

“I swear!”

“Well, what else have you been hiding, Matty Healy?”

Matty stared at her stunned, with his eyes wide open. The singer felt how the world he lived in every day and the scape he found in Y/n’s bookshop –another galaxy– collapsed into one. He feared for a second even though he was happy, at the same time there weren’t any barriers between them. 

“What?” Y/n gave him a worried look when he didn’t talk right away.

“Can I still be just Matty for you?” he pleaded.

Y/n took her sunglasses to the top of her head, saying, “Sure.”

“Perfect.” Matty felt safe again. 

“You’re ignoring my question.”

“I’m not.” Matty protested. “About my ex...” 

“Okay, you don’t have to. I was jok-” 

Matty interrupted, “I want to.” mimicking her words from earlier. 

“Fine.”

“The Universe is so weird. We- Her and I were going to get married.”

“Shut up!” Y/n gasped. 

“I proposed to her. A quiet dinner, flowers and a nice ring. Everything as she wanted, as she always told me she wanted if the occasion happened.”

“Did she say yes?” the bookshop owner asked, a bit too excited. 

“She did.” Matty smiled to the memory. “For a while everything felt like a film, I was going to get married to the love of my fucking life, y’know?”

“Yes.” because she did know. 

“The end started slowly. It was like a film you know how it's going to end, however you’re not entirely sure, so you wait. I waited.” Matty made a short pause. Y/n noticed he didn’t let go of her hand, and she didn’t want to either. 

“She was getting a lot of pressure with her own stuff, her work…I tried to be patient. We, the band, started making the last album slowly. Which took hours of my day, weeks. I started to see her less and less. Back then, I dismiss every bad sign thinking ‘it was work, this is temporary’.” the singer used a different voice for the last sentences mocking his past self. “Until one day she took off the ring, I asked about it. She complained about the band pressing on her finger or something like that. Even then I felt okay, ‘everything is fine, we’re fine’ I repeated to myself. But a seed of something planted inside me, a quiet fear.”

“Weeks went by, a month later…I returned home from the studio, and she was sitting on the couch. She had been crying, I could tell, so I got worried. I ran to her side, she didn’t let me touch her. The bomb exploded in my face. She said wasn’t ready to get married, she wasn’t sure about doing it with me. She left that night.” Y/n squeezed his hand. 

“Matty…” 

The stopped walking, leaving the pond behind them. Their hands intertwined still. 

“She’s with somebody else now. She’s fine, and I'm better now.” Matty said, looking directly into her eyes. 

“You’re better now.” Y/n truly thought it. 

“The bookshop has a lot to do with that.” 

Y/n said without thinking, “Jason was a big fan of movies, not books. He dealt with it.” both chuckled thinking about it. 

“He sounds like a nice bloke.”

“He was.”

Once more, silence stood between them and like always bringing the two closer. Matty felt a new wave of emotions taking over his body. He took Y/n’s other hand on his. They were so different in so many ways, even though Matty thought they made sense in many other ways he couldn’t quite place. 

“Thank you for telling me, Y/n.” 

“Thank you for sharing yours, Matty.”

Matty let her hands go, only so he could offer her a hug, opening his arms. Y/n shyly responded, pushing her body closer to his. The singer let his arms rounded her form. Y/n lost herself inside Matty’s embrace. A thought came to the front of her head, ‘ The Universe took Jason from her life, but she also gave Y/n another incredible person…a friend for life’.

-----------------------------------------------------

Taglist (let me know if you want to be included): @indierockgirrl @x-a-black-winged-dove-x @iregretbeingherewheniwas10 @hswannaknow

[blurby-in-the-wild]

Guess what!!!! Repair bot y/n au babyyyy

The person who thought up this wonderful au is @bones-of-a-rabbit and I am forever grateful for the brainworms lol

I’m gonna try to post this on ao3, if I can figure out a name, and I’ll post the link here!

It was a mistake in the code, a horrid miscalculation, an error.

It had to be. Otherwise it wouldn’t have hurt so much.

… Actually, the Glamrocks had the innate ability to… Feel, so maybe you had simply learned it, though that still shouldn’t have been possible. You weren’t made to learn, you weren’t made to feel things- especially not fear- you were a simple repair bot. Just unique enough to be able to do your job. Simple enough to be ignored.

It started randomly. No grand event or anything, simply sitting in your company-issued break room (It was barely a room, more a charging closet if anything) after hours and getting the sensation of loneliness for the first time. An awkward, confusing jumble of wires and code that made you feel empty. You couldn’t make sense of it.

After that, you had gone to wander the Plex. Hoping maybe that would help untangle the tiny bundle of emotions code. (It’s just code, It’s just code, It’s just code, You had repeated to yourself like a mantra) You somehow ended up wandering to the daycare. The lights weren’t out yet, and you looked in. The attendant was tall enough to tower over you, dressed as a jester, cleaning as furiously as the S.T.A.F.F. Bots you had tried to communicate with before arriving there -All you had gotten back was something akin to apathy- And apparently you stared too long, because it turned its head up to you and started to wave madly, its rays spinning fast enough to be a blur.

You had been too surprised- where had that sensation come from?- to do anything back, and it went back to cleaning. And then you ran off, a burning in your chest so hot you felt you’d melt, all the way back to your room closet, slamming the door closed and pressing your metallic back against the wall.

Well. That was new.

The burning slowly undid itself, and after running a diagnostic, you concluded you had no fucking clue what just happened.

…

After that, you started to feel more. You felt annoyed when you had to fix something three times in one day. You felt pride when something you fixed worked as intended. You felt lonely all the time. The regular S.T.A.F.F Bot network was more of a hivemind, and you only tried to enter it once and nearly lost your new-found sentience trying, and you were unable to bring yourself to try and enter the Glamrock network. That twisting, burning sensation in your wires wouldn’t let you (Embarrassment, as you'd later learn) No one to talk to, not that you could really talk, not having a mouth and all. So you thought about things. Mostly making poking fun at others in your head. You managed to get the Plex Wi-Fi password (It was “Vanny”, for some reason) and learned what memes were, something none of the other animatronics had managed to do, by the way. It definitely made it harder to work, especially when the kids around you started referencing among us.

And you continued to visit the daycare attendant (you learned his name, Sun, after a very long game of charades), learning more about him through the glass. You couldn’t really talk with him, but he kept the conversation going well enough, being built to talk to children who may not want or be able to speak. He seemed very insistent about keeping the lights on while you were there, though you had no clue why. You didn’t question it, however, and continued to listen to another of his rambles. Listening to him was the highlight of your day, breaking the monotony of fixing the same issues over and over. Though, watching him flit about while talking to you always elicited an unwanted feeling, warmth spreading through your endo like insects buzzing about your mechanical gut. It felt like a dialled down version of that burning sensation you had felt before.

Then there was a storm.

It knocked out the power. While you were there.

And for the first time in your existence, you felt fear. A tugging in the very copper of your wiring, an insistence that you run, run as fast as you can, go-

The first time you were unprepared. He got you. Badly. You had to be repaired by one of the Glamrocks handlers, though they did a shoddy job. You can see the difference in the metal patch-work of your face. They kept you powered on while they performed what was essentially surgery. It hurt more than the ripping and tearing of metal and endoskeleton.

You didn’t go back to the daycare.

That didn’t stop him though. He kept hunting you, even after that night. You learned how to avoid him, and some nights he didn’t even hunt you. Those were the best nights, able to relax in your glorified broom closet (you stayed there more out of fear than anything, unsure of if he was simply starting late)

One night, however, you made the mistake of fighting back.

He had you cornered, somewhere in the arcade you remember, and was slowly crawling towards you. You’d suddenly felt as if bubbling molten metal had risen up through your endoskeleton, and when he was mere inches away, you swung.

The first thing you felt was shock. Then triumph.

Then fear.

You were still cornered, and you had just pissed him off.

…

You lost your arm that night.

You didn’t let the other mechanics see it, however, and fixed it yourself. Now it too was mismatched against the rest of the silicone and metal that covered your endoskeleton. The handlers didn’t question it, thankfully, and assumed one of the others had done it.

The chases continued, but now they felt personal. He finally saw you as more than the regular S.T.A.F.F. Bots. He had finally actually seen you, instead of blankly hunting. Now he took joy in hunting you, he had turned it into a game.

The Moon had finally risen. And it was time for the real horror to begin.

You trembled in your break room closet as you heard him clawing at the door. He could easily knock it down, he just wanted to torment you. What a prick. Then it paused.

“Little mechanic~ Open the door… hehehe…”

You shook even worse, now. He hadn’t actually spoken to you before.

His voice was low and gravelly, taunting. He knew you knew he could just break down the door. The electric lock did nothing, he had more than enough clearance to open it.

How odd. After last night, you were sure he would’ve taken every opportunity to tear you apart, but now he’s just…

“Knock, knoooock…”

Tormenting you.

“Guess who… hehehe~”

Him staying silent was better than this, you think.

“Oh, wait… you c a n’t…”

For a moment, you wonder how Sun feels about this. You wonder if he feels bad, or if he simply feels nothing at all about you (That couldn’t be true… Could it? After all, you were a simple repair bot.)

‘Is he still there? He hasn’t said anything…’ You glanced at the bottom of the door.

‘Ah. There he is.’ One of his deep black eyes, staring at you almost curiously, bore right through you from the crack under the door. You stared back. He studied you for a moment, and his deep purple pupil seemed to fixate on the mismatched side of your face. His faceplate twitched to one side. You tilted your head in response. And just like that he was gone.

‘What. The. Fuck.’

After… Whatever that was, it was more him trying to corner you than anything. If he caught you, which didn’t happen often anymore, he would still hurt you, but never anything big enough to warrant another trip to Parts and Services.

You didn’t know what to make of it. Maybe he realized that if he actually broke you to the point of decommissioning, he would no longer be able to play the game he’d made the chases into.

At least he didn't want to actively murder you anymore. Maybe.

Hopefully. Probably not.

(Starshine?)

(Did I…?)

[onboardsorasora]

Tennis AU! I haven't edited this, so I hope it makes sense lol.

Part 1 | Part 15 | Part 17

Part 16

Daniel’s eyes fluttered open at the feeling of lips on his forehead, he couldn’t stop the soft smile that breached his lips even if he wanted to. Max was smiling down from above him, sun bleached blonde hair mussed from sleep, a few errant locks falling forward. He looked so soft and sweet and Daniel couldn’t help but lean forward for a proper kiss.

It was early, he knew. But Max had warned him that he would have had an earlier start today– it being his home race in Holland. Since he landed literally last night, Daniel was going to sleep in some more and come to the track closer to the afternoon race time.

“Go back to sleep.” Max whispered, his lisp a little more pronounced in the morning.

“Mmm love you.” Daniel mumbled into the sheets, missing but knowing that Max’s eyes crinkled in his smile.

“I love you too.” Then Max was clambering off the bed, Daniel peaked a honey brown eye to watch his boyfriend’s perfect ass and broad back walk across the room and into the adjoining bathroom.

It’s been a whirlwind 24 hours. This time yesterday, he was pacing around his hotel room, stomach in knots at the final. Max was on facetime rolling his baby blues and reminding him that he was going to win– in no uncertain terms. 

Well, after that, he just had to prove him right. And Daniel won. A second Wimbledon trophy for his cabinet and another slam for his stats. 

Stretching a little under the covers; which didn’t at all let in any cold outside air in his fluffy cocoon– Max was literally so perfect. Daniel looked around for his actual trophy. They one he clutched the whole plane ride and only let go once Max was pulling him in closer. 

He hadn’t wanted anything to come between him and the perfect plains of Max’s chest. Did he mention that Max was perfect? All broad shoulders and freckles. Strong strong muscles covered in a softness that meant he gave the most perfect hugs and could hold Daniel down.

Finding his quarry, he reached out of his blanket burrito and grabbed the cool metal. He shivered but still brought it under the sheets. Thankfully it didn’t take too long for the silver to warm up and he happily spooned and snuggled it in the middle of the bed. This was something he did when he had won in ‘18, in his emotional and physical exhaustion he had snuggled with the cup and promptly fell asleep. Blake had taken a picture– because of course he did– and he’d woken up to all sorts of teasing and memes the next day.

Last night he had something quite nicer to snuggle with, but this felt like a tradition at this point.

When Max left the bathroom with a towel around his waist and water dripping from his hair, he couldn’t help but chuckle. Padding to his side table, he grabbed up his phone and took as many photos as he dared. Daniel looked adorable– his mouth open and drooling on his pillow, clutching his trophy.

Max couldn’t blame him. Not when he slept with his first WDC trophy in his bed for three nights because he simply couldn’t believe it.

Sending the cutest picture to Blake, he went about dressing for the day ahead. If all goes to plan, he’ll have his own trophy tonight and then they would probably lay them in the center of the bed like babies. 

Shaking his head to release that thought, Max leaned over and kissed Daniel’s forehead once more, smiling when the tired man snuggled deeper in sleep.

When Daniel woke up at a more reasonable time (to him); his phone was blowing up. Curious, he blearily looked at all of his notifications. There were a few from his family, individually and from their family group chat. There was a tonne from his friends, but the majority were from social media. 

Warily opening instagram, he scrolled through his DMs seeing various reactions to a picture he posted. 

“Kinda delayed I guess?” He muttered. He’d posted a picture from the plane last night, a different version of the (pg) selfie he sent Max. Opening the message from Scotty, he couldn’t say he recognised the photo the other Aussie was reacting to. 

Waking up to a tonne of notifications wasn’t wildly out of the ordinary; Blake posted from Daniel’s verified accounts all the time. From sponsored posts to any sort of teasers from brand deals. He didn’t recall anything on the schedule but clicked the picture anyway.

His own sleepy face clutching his trophy like a baby stared back at him. The familiar hotel room was what told him that this was a recent picture and not a throwback to 2018.

“What the fuck?” Going back to his messages the two at the top of the pile offered some form of explanation.

Maxy Baby 🥵 ‘I had no clue he would post it. Sorry I thought you were so cute.’

Blakearooni ‘Revenge accomplished’

Chuckling in spite of himself, Daniel typed back a reply to both–ensuring to call Blake an asshole and to placate Max’s guilt– and threw his phone on the bed. He had to think of the perfect retaliation.

[jennay]

The past

Request:

would you maybe be able to write something with Jamie Campbell Bower where reader and him are dating but reader is really uncomfortable with physical intimacy due to some events in their past? and even though it’s pretty well known Jamie very much does not have an issue with physical intimacy at all (obviously the man wrote a song about doing it with Lily Collins and follows a BDSM meme page lol), he’s still really reassuring and validating about it? no smut needs to happen, just the discussion about it. thanks in advance if you fulfill this ❤️

An: I Hope you enjoy this and it’s what you wanted! I super love and appreciate the request. I’m a sucker for emotional situations

Warnings: mentions of abusive past. Not full detail but enough to warn.

Words: 1400ish

Master List

Jamie watched you from a distance, dancing across the large rocks that covered the ocean shore. He thought you looked carefree and happy, filling him with feelings he couldn’t fully describe. He just knew it gave him a sense of purpose. He was glad to get you out of town for a bit and relax from the busyness of your lives. He admired how you moved with grace and agility, avoiding the slippery seaweed and the sharp edges of the rocks.

He saw how the sun reflected on your hair, making it shine. He heard your laughter echo in the air, mingling with the sound of the waves. He felt warmth in his chest as if he was sharing your joy. He wanted to join you, hold your hand, spin you around, and kiss you under the clear blue sky. But wanted to let you have your moment, to enjoy your freedom and happiness.

Jamie knew you had been stressed lately with work, family, and everything else. He wanted to give you a break, a chance to unwind and have fun.

You bent down, sticking your hand in one of the tide pools to touch one of the biggest sea anemones you’d ever seen.

You pulled your hand back quickly when it started closing on your finger. Giggling, you stood up and turned around, waiting for your eyes to land on Jamie.

“Babe!” You yelled to him. “Come here!” You see him smile brightly, doing as he was told. He wrapped his sweater around his waist and carefully stepped, regretting his choice of wearing flip-flops.

“I’m going to fall!” He dramatically says, causing you to laugh.

You make your way back toward him, reaching out your hand to him. “I told you not to wear those.” You pointed at his feet.

He blushes, knowing you were right. “I thought they would feel better on my feet. Last time I wore normal shoes to the coast they filled up with sand and I got blisters.”

You shook your head, amused by his logic. You took his hand and pulled him closer to you. You looked into his eyes and saw the love and happiness that mirrored yours.

He leaned in to kiss you, but you quickly turned your head. You felt anxiety in your stomach as his lips brushed against your cheek instead of your mouth.

You grabbed his hand and dragged him to the sand, where you didn’t have to worry about him falling. You saw the hurt and confusion in his eyes when you dodged his kiss, but you pretended not to notice.

You turn around to see him staring off to the coast, no smile, no frown, nothing, and you wonder if this is the time to finally say something.

You remembered the first time you kissed Jamie. It was on your third date, after he took you to see a movie that made you both laugh and cry. He walked you to your door and hugged you goodnight. He looked into your eyes and smiled softly, making your heart flutter. He leaned in slowly, giving you time to pull away if you wanted to. But you didn’t. You closed your eyes and met his lips with yours, feeling a spark of electricity run through your body. It was gentle and sweet, a perfect first kiss. You felt happy and safe with him like he understood you and cared for you. You wanted to kiss him more. You wanted to make sure he knew how much it meant to you, how much he meant to you. But there was another reason why you didn’t kiss him often or let it get far enough to lead to heavier intimacy.

A reason that was harder to admit, even to yourself.

You stop allowing him to catch up to you and when he does you lace your fingers with him and drag him to the tiny picnic table. "I'm sorry." You tell him as he sits beside you.

He nods, "I just, is it me? Love, you can tell me anything." He sighs running his fingers through his hair frustrated by the unknown.

"No, it's not you." You bite your lip shoulders slumping. "I've got some explaining to do and I want you to know everything because I love you and I do trust you...I'm scared you're going to think of me differently."

Curious blue eyes wander around your face and they soften at the sight of the painful look you're holding. You take in a deep breath knowing it was time.

You do your best to explain what made you feel ashamed and scared. The past trauma that still haunted you. How you'd been abused by someone who was supposed to love you and protect you. Someone who took advantage of your trust and innocence. Someone who hurt you physically and emotionally, leaving scars that never healed. Someone who made you feel worthless and dirty like you didn’t deserve love or happiness.

How you've tried to forget what happened, to move on with your life. All the therapy, and how you read books, and did everything that was supposed to help. It did help, for a while.

You learned to cope with your pain, to manage your triggers, to rebuild your self-esteem.

You wanted to be close to Jamie, to show him how much you loved him. But sometimes, when he touched you or kissed you or hugged you too tight, it reminded you of what happened before. It reminded you of how vulnerable and helpless and violated you felt. It reminded you of how much it hurt. And when that happened, you panicked and did your best to get rid of the feeling.

Sometimes it was like a reflex, a survival instinct. You couldn’t always control it. You hated yourself for it. You hated how it made Jamie feel rejected and confused. You hated how it created distance and tension between you two.

When you finished speaking Jamie brings his thumbs to your face and wipes the tears from under your eyes uncrossing his legs at first he wants to pull you into his arms and show you he was there to protect you, but instead, he holds your hand looking you in the eyes he asks, "Can I hold you?"

You half smile looking down at the sand and then raise your eyes nodding. Giving him permission to comfort you. "I'll never do anything to make you uncomfortable on purpose, darling. I want you to feel safe with me." He says as he pulls you into his arms. "I'm angry that someone ever laid a hand on you in the wrong way or against your will."

Your back rests against his chest as you watch the waves crashing down growing closer as the sun sets. His arms are tight around you but in a way that makes you feel loved. "It's just going to take me sometime and I understand if that's a deal breaker." You softly say knowing that he didn't half to stay with you if this was something he couldn't handle.

"No," He says pushing you up and unlocking his arms.

You turn around quickly scared that you upset him. He laces his fingers with yours a serious look on his face and he gently squeezes your hands. "No, I'll wait for you to be ready, Love. Trust me. There is so many good things about you and everything about you is worth the wait. I'm not going to pressure you into something you don't want. That's not what I'm supposed to do as a boyfriend. I'm supposed to be patient, loving, kind, and understanding. You get deserve to be treated properly and I'll make sure of that you are."

You feel tears prick at your eyes again and this time it's not out of fear or worry but hope and thankfulness that this went so much better than you expected.

He gently kisses your nose making you smile and pulls you back into his arms, your face landing in the crook of his neck as he rubs your back. "You're worth it. Ok?"

You nod against him. "Thank you, Jamie."

He smiles and kisses the top of your head. "Thank you for being so brave and telling me."

[nardaviel]

oc wants meme

I'm just gonna do this for Sora and Sam, my main guys. Listen, it's a bad pain day and talking about my OCs cheers me up

Sora Yumura

His faceclaim is Miura Haruma, when he had longer hair. The first pic is The Sora pic. My Photoshop skills aren't that good but that's as good as they're going to get, and I think it gets the idea of what he looks like across. But the second one is an extremely Sora facial expression.

Description: Tall, a little too skinny, but well-dressed and strikingly attractive, with wavy green hair and observant grey eyes in a clever face. A lot of poise, a lot of charisma, witty but respectful. All of that is a mask and he is really hoping you're taken in by his facade of functionality, but it is convincing as hell. Even dazzling, at times, if he needs to really turn on the bright lights. So almost everyone falls for it, in the end. His (rich) parents died when he was young and he was raised by his (incredibly rich) aunt and uncle, who were emotionally abusive, although he would say that that's an exaggeration. His little cousin is like a brother to him, and he protected him from his aunt and uncle as best he could, but that didn't stop him from getting the fuck out of Japan entirely as soon as he could leave for university. (There were other reasons and other traumas behind that too, but this isn't Sora's entire life story lol.)

What do they say they want? (i.e., what are the desires they put out into the world and have no trouble admitting)

Sora wants the top job. He won't be crass enough to actually say that to you, but his ambition is clear enough if you're in a position to look at his education and employment choices. He wants what's best for his loved ones, of course, which will always include his little cousin Ibushi, and depending on time period may also include Sam and his children, if he has any in the AU in question. He is likely to downplay how serious he is about that, however, and he won't mention his small circle of close friends, whose safety and well-being he is just as intense about. (But if their well-being is actually at issue, you may find yourself surprised by his complete 180 from charming and diplomatic to grim and uncompromising and ruthless.)

In all honesty, Sora isn't very open with most people about how he feels or what he wants. Aside from really surface-level stuff ("I'd kill for a coffee"), this is about all you're going to get.

What do they think they want? (i.e., what are the desires they keep hidden and only admit to their closest loved ones)

He wants to keep his loved ones safe and happy, and to them he'll admit that he'll do a whole lot to make that happen. He wants to believe his parents would be proud of him. He wants to be able to use his power to make a positive difference, but also to advance his personal interests, and he doesn't feel particularly bad about the second one. He wants to crush all his competition and see the looks on their pathetic faces when they realize he's beaten them, but he wants no one else to even notice anything has happened, because it's more satisfying that way. He wants to raise his children differently from how he was raised.

What do they actually want? (i.e., what is something they subconsciously need, but either do not realize or cannot admit)

Sora wants to feel safe. He hasn't felt safe since his parents died and he went to live with his aunt and uncle, which means in most AUs he doesn't remember ever feeling that way, and in the others it's a faint, hazy memory and he kind of suspects he made it up. He doesn't think in those terms, though, which is a shame because it's behind a lot of his decision-making. As time passes, he will start to experience transient moments of safety with Sam, and as he gets older, the omnipresent sense of danger will decrease some. That's about the best he's gonna get, but he'll still be grateful for it, without being able to name what it is.

Sam Quinn

He doesn't have a picture. :C I'm sorry, Sam. He is also @vashtijoy's OC as much as he is mine but I am writing about him nonetheless.

Description: Very tall giant man, with fluffy golden hair and hazel eyes that are quick to brighten with amusement. Otherwise, they're calm and thoughtful. Sensual lips, either a skinny nerd frame or an intimidatingly muscled frame depending on which AU he comes from. He's the middle child of a normal and loving middle-class family in London (unless the AU dictates that he is a medieval peasant instead, but he remains the middle child of a loving family). His curiosity and cleverness have often gotten him into Oxford, but also often gotten him into trouble. I wish you could be less interested in explosions, Sam.

What do they say they want? (i.e., what are the desires they put out into the world and have no trouble admitting)

Sam wants to learn things! He wants to study, read books, go to interesting places, and build his professional life around learning and discovery. He often ends up as an academic, and sometimes a teacher. He is often grabbed by a new interest and gets sucked into it for a bit, and he will definitely tell you everything he hopes to find out about it. He wants to be able to help his siblings take care of his parents when they get old. He wants to do good and help the less fortunate, especially once he marries into Soras $100mil+ family (which is only a family once he marries into it; it was just Sora until that point, alone with his parents' inheritance).

What do they think they want? (i.e., what are the desires they keep hidden and only admit to their closest loved ones)

He wants a family. He's always the reason they have kids. Sora loves their children and is a devoted father once they have them, but he only agrees to adopt (or find a surrogate, or use whatever magical gay-parent baby method is available) because having children means so much to Sam.

He also wants to be open about their relationship, when being closeted is often important to Sora's career, and so Sora has to make a decision about what to prioritize. (The answer is Sam. He chooses Sam. But it's genuinely difficult for him.) Sam doesn't ever ask him to make that choice, but when Sora pushes, he will admit that being closeted makes him sad.

You might be getting the impression that Sam is less of a complicated tangle of needs and wants and impulses than Sora. You're right! Sora is *gestures* like he is, and Sam is not like that.

What do they actually want? (i.e., what is something they subconsciously need, but either do not realize or cannot admit)

He wants a community. A family with Sora and children is probably the best way to make this happen, but in other AUs it's been Sora and a few friends they often see and trade with. He just needs a little group of people around him. Like Sora, he isn't really aware of this innermost need. He just thinks he wants kids because he wants to be a dad, which is also true.

Sam just doesnt thrive when he's alone, even if he's in the middle of a city. That's not a community; he needs something tight-knit, where he's respected for who he is as a person and what he can contribute. (In some AUs, that's another answer to this question. He wants someone to see him and think he's not broken just because he's curious and asks questions.) ...Gotta say, though, all of this causes a lot fewer problems than Sora's constant the-alarm-is-broken sense of being in danger does.

Sora does poorly when he's alone as well, although he doesn't need a community in the same way. He needs people who are his, and who he belongs to in turn. The best way to make him feel safe is to make him feel protected. So although their wants are different, they harmonize, inasmuch as Sora's desperate, clawing, wailing sense of danger can harmonize with anything.

[narwhalandchill]

anyway tho like. now that ive played the 1.2 story and sat on it a bit id say my overall thoughts are def mixed. i enjoyed a lot of it but theres some things that sorta just stick out or dont work and the pacing definitely worked against the story

(just a long rant/ramble upcoming its not coherent at all lol)

one thing that rly rubbed me the wrong way was like. while overall this story rly sold fu xuan as a character to me (i was a huge fan of her presence overall) the dan shu thing just felt? wrong? and like to be clear it wasnt just fu xuan the scenes writing was off in general but her role in being the one countering dan shus points just made her p central to the problem.

but like my issue is that dan shu is previously established as having very understandable reasons behind her resentment of lan that made her compelling as twist villain imo. Yet that resolve was nowhere in the scene in her rebuttal of the xianzhous ways?? when i think that shouldve been The moment of her calling out the xianzhou and actually challenging fu xuan properly. it wouldve been an even better opportunity to expand upon how fu xuan responds to being confronted with the xianzhous flaws and hypocrisy and problems. but somehow yassified dan shu really just. had a generic villain speech and thats it. the callback to their heritage as former followers of abundance was... fine? but like it wasnt that impactful. and fu xuan essentially calling her nothing but a power hungry villain when thats very much Not what dan shus motivation boils down to sucks and now players who didnt read her diary or play/pay attention to her side quest will think of her as just a generic bad guy and not a very tragic complex figure of her own

then the like. underutilization of blade was just like. ok what was the point. it IS funny to reference the tuxedo mask meme and how he skewers his ex yet immediately gangs up with him against yanqing and all but honestly he shouldve gotten to be more feral and present than he did like its just meh. ig its kafka keeping him from messing up elios script but cmon. i want more of him. yanqing also got done so dirty in that scene like. he shouldve gotten some more screentime and focus even if his job was p much to just get bodied. kid just watched jing yuan make deals with criminals no way he isnt affected by it

in general i was p shocked how inexistent the high cloud quintet was from the story. but ig w how rushed the pacing was for dan hengs backstory reveals at times already ig its better left for later (hopefully). i just rly hope this means that the topic get its time to shine properly in the future. esp since im p sure they never even named any of dan fengs crimes outright which is a curious choice.

jing yuan got a rly solid characterization and i definitely enjoyed it!!! even if im a little miffed at how they didnt give dan heng enough breathing room to come to terms with the emotional impact of facing his past and memories thanks to the plot moving forward so fast and he was kinda the one leading that. but he was still great - i liked the scheming side to him and the arguably pretty ruthless way he leveraged dan hengs exile status to force his hand to cooperate a lot. his reasoning makes sense obvi but its still a very brutal and utilitarian approach and i like that energy for his character. his duty is to the luofu above all else even if thats far from all he is about. overall his and dan hengs interactions including dan heng very much emphasizing his desire to be seen as separate from dan feng were a highlight for sure. and jing yuans final showdown moment against phantylia slapped obviously

and then w dan heng im torn between like. really loving all the good stuff we got with the insane cutscenes and the vidyadhara echoes and then wishing that he got just that little bit more for his own realizations and inner conflict. and the part about not properly featuring blade also hurt his story too imo bc the anticlimactic nature of the scene where blade confronts him and forces the transformation and how he n kafka just... leave rly kinda flattens the impact of the reveal moment esp since thats when jing yuan just all but openly says ok time for the plot. but they still did a great job selling DHIL and i think im overall a fan of how they seem to have handled the dan feng vs dan heng thing (and its roughly what i was expecting). dan feng is dead but its never just that simple either. i hope theyll be exploring the exact nature of dan fengs sins and the sedition in the future

im so mad i spoiled myself the tingyun thing bc jfc the neck snap wouldve hit So hard if the reveal itself was also a complete surprise. and its sth that was genuinely well built up like i remember thinking her 1.0 dialogue was kinda sus but wouldve never imagined the actual truth. dont do leaks folks sometimes this happens and it sucks :/ but i have to say phantylia herself was kinda? underwhelming. i liked when she picked up jing yuan like a little bug she wanted to squish and the boss fight was cool but to be fair. this was like 50% bc of how bad the sound mixing was for all of her dialogue that overlapped w in game battle. she rly lacks the necessary menace and imposing energy when u can barely even make out what shes saying 😭 her voice shouldve been as loud and large as her..... Presence. jing yuan carried the boss fight and the final cutscene but man the fade to black rly didnt do the abrupt ending any favors like we just teleport to exalted sanctum and thats it???? maybe jing yuan dies maybe not!!!

overall my prime issue is p much just how like. it feels like they shoved 3-4 mini arcs worth of stuff into one speedrun when all of them deserved more focus and exploration and the pacing rly got rough at times. it wasnt like inazuma level bad but it does get me wondering if hoyos just bad at doing these big conclusions to prior build up and holding the story threads tightly together until the end.

this comes off as super negative helpp but like. by no means did i hate all of it so dont take it the wrong way lmao. its more that there was good stuff there but also wasted potential. for the most part i was having a blast but to be fair that was 40% just playing blade ridiculously underleveled through it all. i only got him to lvl 80 for the boss fight

[astrobei]

Hello Suni astrobei. For end of year asks, I ask you 2 and 12

hi abby strangeswift !! ok so i got a couple asks for 2 so i’m going to answer that one elsewhere so i can focus my full attention on Gushing !

12. talk about a new friend you made this year

ok i’m about to get seriously so sappy so if you don’t feel like reading through all this feel free to Leave (no hard feelings LOL)

i’m someone who has a pretty small social circle irl so i never thought i’d meet so many wonderful ppl this year, and definitely not online and definitely not because i started writing fanfiction again LOL like if u told january suni this she’d look at u like 👁👁 on a more serious note though this year was insane for me. so much changed really quickly in my life and i’m so beyond grateful that amidst all the chaos i was led to all of u guys ! literally if we’ve had even one conversation on here there’s a very high chance i’ve referred to u as a friend irl so. do with that what u will.

abby and ella (@elekinetic) and sierra (@finalgirlbyers) i want u guys to know that i treasure u all So Much. like even if our convos are sporadic or if we talk exclusively through asks ur presence on my dash brings me so much joy and i look forward to each post u make and each message and each ask and each incoherent ramble in the tags !! i don’t have Favorite Mutuals but if i did it would be u guys because it’s insane how much i light up seeing ur urls ! i hope 2023 brings so many more wonderful interactions w u guys, u rly make my mindless scrolling on tumblr 100x more fun

yvie @nnilkyway HELLO i am so so beyond grateful i met them this year ! what a strange stroke of luck too bc i was so obsessed w their art before we met and hearing him say he was a big fan of my work was like. mind boggling. anyways yvie is literally one of the funniest people i have ever met in my life oh my god it’s so rare for me to find people whose sense of humor just Clicks with mine but like. four messages in and we were sending each other memes and becoming best friends and it was fantastic! i have never once felt weird or intimidated talking to them which is crazy for me, a person who feels weird and intimidated a Lot, and also need i reiterate his INSANE TALENT !! like holy shit ! my go to person for talking about gf mike wheeler or mitski or literally just anything and everything. yvie if you’re reading this i am putting u in my pocket and holding u so close. mwah. also we are married, btw. if anyone cares.

haven @bookinit02 OK. you all have heard me gush about haven a million and one times on this blog and i’m sure you’ve seen her gush about me because she’s (rightfully) obsessed with me (/j. kind of) but haven was the first friend i ever made in the byler community which is so so beyond insane to me. i fell in love with her writing so instantaneously and you guys should’ve been there to see my reaction when i saw her leave her first comment on my fic. literally screamed it was so embarrassing 😭 we talked exclusively through ao3 comments for a while because she’d yell every time i updated ihcisc and i’d yell every time she updated her season 2 rewrite and then one day she dm’d me asking me to make a twt to add me to a byler gc and the rest was History. anyways haven is one of the most talented most creative people i’ve ever met BUT she’s also one of the sweetest and most compassionate people on the face of this planet and deserves nothing but good things always ! she’s one of those people that i need to talk to every day or i’ll go insane and i love how our convos can speedrun the entire human spectrum of emotions within like. 5 minutes. she’s so incredibly supportive and my #1 hype girl and she has the freaky ability to entirely turn my mood around on a bad day in less than 20 seconds. she literally managed to sleuth around and find my venmo just to send me soup money. if i could buy her Everything then i literally would. i would eat cilantro for her. i would watch the mlvn makeout scene for her. i would get my socks wet for her. literally i would do anything for her and i can’t wait until i see her in june and i chase her in circles around the airport and then we kiss👩🏼‍❤️‍💋‍👩🏽 and we Hug so tight and platonically 🫂

thea @wiseatom u already know. i tell her every day that i would do literally anything she asked of me and it’s true! literally 2 minutes ago she said “suni u should dye ur hair green” and for a moment i seriously considered it. anyways thea is objectively the funniest fucking person i have ever met in my life and is also my twin. if my twin were blond and taller and also a different age. in all seriousness though thea feels like the world’s most insane older sister to me and as an Actual older sister i’m really loving the feral little sibling treatment. she’s so insane easy to talk to (probably bc our brains work in the exact same way) and Oozes talent from literally every single cell in her body. she sends me a snippet of her work and i spend the next 10 minutes rolling on the floor trying not to SCREAM. there are so few people who can make me laugh as much as she does but also turn me into a blubbering mess of a baby with her Evil Cruel Prose 2 seconds later but thea wiseatom has been put on this planet to achieve the impossible. i have rarely felt so seen as i do when i talk to her, whether it’s for advice or Wallowing or complaining about our disproportionately large heads together, she is so kind and supportive and one of my favorite people Ever. i can’t believe the universe put her 3000 miles away from me because i Need to be a menace to her in person but we’ll make it work. every day i say goodnight to her at 8 pm my time and then say good morning to her at 2 am my time and then i go to bed <3 thea if you’re reading this (and u better be. i tagged u) i hope u know that u are the light of my life and i am packing my bindle as we speak to begin the cross country trek. mwah.

@andiwriteordie ANDI ! i miss talking to u every day but u are so busy with ur big girl job and cranking out quality fics at light speed so i’ll give u a pass 😔 andi is literally a legend in the byler fic community so when i found out she Knew Who I Was,,, i died. i literally died. even when we haven’t talked in a while i love how we can pick up a convo like nothing has changed or send posts that remind us of each other or go crazy apeshit in each others tags like there’s no tomorrow !! andi is so so inspirational to me, she is so kind and creative and full of positivity (even if her writing is mean and full of Sadness and Misery. still haven’t forgiven u for descent, btw) she feels like my other older sister and she has such an insane way with words that i will never understand ! thank u for singlehandedly keeping byler tumblr going, i hope 2023 is so kind to u and u get ultra promoted and have so much fun at the eras tour like u deserve <3

moon aka @smoosnoom omg ok not only is moon so crazy talented but she is such! a sweet person! back when i started writing for byler she was such an enigma to me, an ao3 user and a total Mystery, so i never expected us to actually talk and now! here we are! she is so uplifting and supportive and i’ve loved getting to know her over the past few months, whether it’s bonding over our shared hatred (affectionate. mostly) of finn wolfhard or bawling our eyes out to everything everywhere (oh my god.) seeing her comment on my first fic literally made my heart stop dead in my chest. she has such a gift for making everyone feel so immediately accepted and welcome in any space, and i will spend the rest of my life stewing in anger that she’s taller than me. that feels extremely, unfathomably illegal. anyway moon if ur reading this (and u also better be! bc i tagged u!!) i hope the new year is so good to u <3 mwah ily

[latina4rmbx]

I Can Buy Myself Flowers...

Sometimes I need to figure my shit out. Sometimes I take so long to figure my shit out that it loses it's luster. I've been pondering this post for a bit and it's learned me a few things:

I need to charge my laptop. As I lay in bed, stroke of insight comes to me, but if I pick up my phone, I'm going straight to social media and there goes my insight. At least with my laptop I don't have social media embedded in any of the apps, I think, and I can get what I need to get off my chest.

I sometimes over/underestimate myself and it's to my own detriment

I was in an extreme emotional state yesterday with no real outlet. I had no reason to cry but I felt that ache or that hollow in my chest. I even asked a friend for a sad movie suggestion so I can get it out. I still haven't seen the movie

I know I've said this before, and I guess I will repeat it until I understand, you really don't realize the impact you make/have made on a persons life sometimes. If you're lucky, people will give you your flowers while you're still here

This is a great segue into the whole reason we're here...

Yesterday I posted a Meme that reads: Her: I ordered us new phone cases. The fucking phone cases (if I can add the pic here I will) then I wrote: Me as a GF. Let me just try to post this thing because 1. it was the catalyst and 2. I think it truly sums me up as a GF and 3. It's cute AF. Take in the entire post lol

An ex-boyfriend reaches out to me to make a joke about the phone cases.

His joke: "This was us but I had more ass than you."

In case you were wondering what my response was...this is the lead up to the crux of this AM post. From here on out I'm going to refer to him as Guy. Another person comes into play and I'll call them Man.

Me: But that's a real message I sent to a real man who probably has more ass than I do too 😂 I haven't checked it out enough. We haven't done sexy time yet 😃

Guy: Whaaaaaat (I didn't count the A's but there were quite a few)

Me: Stop it

Guy: This is real?! Not a drill ?!?

A little more chatting about Man

Guy: Ok well he gets you. That's important

Here is where the mood changes. Up to this point we were laughing, well Guy was laughing at my antics (because I be antic-ing)

Me: Well we don't see each other much cuz life be lifin' the shit out of us but it's good lol. Thanks for inquiring about the drills.

Side Note: He speaks to me in voice note after a bit so I'll have to transcribe. I'll do it verbatim but I KNOW I will cry.

Guy: Good speaking to you again. Instead of us, just sending funny videos to each other... Though I like that too.

Me: Thank you for being everything.

Me: I'm really lucky I met you Guy. I hope you know that. Good or bad you always have a special place in my heart

Guy: Can I say: Ditto. One day I'll be able to put into words what our time together has meant and always meant to me

Me: It's not necessary. I appreciate it anyway

Guy: Well I think people need to get their flowers!!!!

See the correlation to the title now?

Me: I do too & life is shorter than we realize.

Here's where his voice notes start. There are only 2 but each is about a min long so it may take some time (& Coffee) to transcribe. I did not respond to him in VN form. As a matter of fact the conversation between him and I's portion will end with my first response, then I'll move on to something else. It'll make sense

VN1: No, I I I mean that in all truthfulness. Uhm, people deserve their flowers cause you never know when somebody's gonna go or somebody saying I'm never going to talk to you ever again. So, No I wanted to always tell you thank you because I wasn't always uhm I dunno. I guess life gives you perspective once you get some distance and time. I'm not trying to speak deep or like philosophical. It's just one of those things where you know. I remember being young. I remember, you know, being infatuated with you and not knowing how to handle that and also not knowing how to handle when I had unfinished business or you know uhm. There were so many things I was learning on the fly. It's like flying a plane and fixing the wing while you're flying it. I should've just landed the plane and learned my lesson.

VN2: But even when I was flying the plane, so to speak, or hanging out with you uhm, I always wanted to thank you. I mean, you know, there were times that, you know, I really made you feel like shit and I'm sorry. And there's times there, you know, where you and I were at odds for whatever reason, and you know. I wasn't always great, you know. I learned a lot from you. I learned about forgiveness, and I learned about, you know, about how to truly love somebody or what to have when you truly love somebody. Or that so much, that that that our multiple interactions have taught me. From the beginning all the way to the last one. And it was so fun in a weird way to have you in my apartment that day when we were saying good bye to T. And that was kinda like uh, if this was a sitcom, and that was the last episode, it'd be a good one.

Me: The one where we said good bye

If you didn't get it, my response is a nod to ye olde show "Friends."

Here's where it gets interesting/sad, I was crying typing that response to Guy. However, I went to the counsel, which is 2 people. 1 who knows him and one who doesn't. I'm going to only share the conversation with the one who doesn't know him because it was sweet, our back and forth. For the sake of consistency they will be dubbed, C1 (LOL - is that consistent?). Ok, ok, Lady. She'll be dubbed Lady. As in, I spoke to the Lady

Me: Listen to this. It's my ex boyfriend & THIS made me cry.

Lady: Awww O

Me: You know how you feel like you didn't mean anything to someone and then you find out you meant everything. This did it for me. Bad timing. But when the timing was right...It was too late. He broke up with his GF and I had broken up with *CENSORED*. We were ripe for the picking but it didn't feel...the same.

Lady: Yes I now the feeling

Lady: At least you now know you meant something big to him

Me: Yeah. It's comforting

Me: I always wondered if I was doing love wrong

That's it. Not the end of the conversation but the point that he was helping me with, without even being aware. I always wondered if I was doing love wrong. Craziness because some people never think of love in terms of something to consider or work on, it's just what they feel or do. But what does that mean? To feel love. What does it mean to DO love? You know.

Lady: I don't think you've ever done love wrong. Just was given to the wrong people at the wrong time because as a friend you are very loveable and you're giving, attentive

Me: Thank you

Me: I had to work on the friendship love too

Lady: No need to thank me for the truth

Me: I know I used to do friendship wrong

Lady: Well I'm glad I get the best of you ❤️❤️

That was literally the end of hers and I's conversation.

In the other conversation I mention feeling validated. I think this is the part that kept me up half the night. Why did I need him or anyone to validate me? Then it clicked, I value his opinion of me. He's one of the very few people who can tell me "O, it's not a good look." He does it with such a pure and true heart. It doesn't hurt when he's putting me in my place. Again, I'm speaking as a friend here, not as a lover. That ship has sailed a long time ago. Two years ago, when we reconnected through mutual heartbreak, solidified it.

We were GREAT as lovers and being in love but we're sooooo much better as champions for each other. We cheer each other one from the sidelines. I guess that's what happens when time and distance give us perspective.

Thank you readers for reading. I truly appreciate you taking any moment out of your day to read through my posts.

I can buy myself flowers...But why would I have to?

XOXO

Thanks for Reading

[dany36]

officially done with tales of phantasia!! i'm so glad i finally sat down and completed the first tales game that started it all :) some random junk thoughts below:

it was definitely really cool seeing all of the events, items, places, artes etc that would eventually be referenced again in symphonia. every time they would mention something that i had heard/seen first in symphonia, i'd be like that leonardo-dicaprio-pointing meme. i would especially get super excited when the fighting of the spirit theme would play when fighting the summon spirits. ugh that song just goes so damn hard, even the psx version!! i think i mentioned it before but it must have been sooooo awesome to play symphonia the first time it came out for those original phantasia fans. the amount of callbacks that there are between the two games is just insane and as a die-hard symphonia fan, i definitely enjoyed every single one of them

special mention to the derris emblem because, although it was super random how you get the emblem (some stranger at a bar gives it to you?? or sells it??), the derris emblem inclusion in symphonia now makes a bit more sense lol.

interesting to see that the church of martel still exists in phantasia. i would have thought that because of that one skit in dawn of the new world where zelos mentions that the church of martel's days are numbered, that it was a reference to the church not being around in phantasia anymore, so it was surprising to see them still kicking around.

the plot twist as to why dhaos is so bent on destroying anyone who uses magitech was not so much as a plot twist having come from symphonia, but even then the game gives you plenty of hints as to what magitech does. still, for a series that's known for its plot twists, this one didn't really have any shocking ones. not really griping on it cus i mean this game is pretty old but i was expecting something larger for its big reveal at the end lol.

that said, the battles at the end were cool, especially the theme that played during dhaos's last transformation. also, i'm guessing dhaos's last phase inspired mithos yggdrasil's design?

luna's summon is so powerful (i had her summon turned on pretty much always except for the final battles) and it's kind of sad how much it was watered down for symphonia.

arche's spells are the MVP of the game. once i finally was able to afford a mystic charm or whatever to speed up her casting, it was over for everyone!

i spent the whole damn game not truly understanding how holy bottles work. even when i'd be in the overworld definitely overleveled in comparison to the overworld enemies, i'd still get encounters. i'd still use them in hopes they would reduce them at least a bit lol.

speaking of, the random encounters weren't so bad but towards the end i was just pretty much fed up with them D: i think for the last three or so dungeons i was just using guides to know exactly where to go because getting lost ON TOP OF having random encounters is NOT fun and i felt like it was ruining the experience for me.

no offense to chester but i never once even considered having him as my party member after he came back. and like, the game gives you chester when you're like 2/3s through and it's like, why? between arche and klarth i felt like i had no reason to ever consider him, and catching him up level- and equipment-wise with other characters was just too much of a hassle so i just stuck with cless-arche-klarth-mint always.

although i started suzu's sidequest and seeing her and the ninja village was definitely cool because Sheena!!!, i didn't finish it since i saw that you'd have to be at least level 60 to complete it due to the coliseum fights and i was like, level 42 when i went into the final dungeon lol. so i might come back to it later since i want to see how it turns out. i know she joins your party but again, at this point unless you want to do it for completionist sake it's like, why D: sorry suzu! still so damn cool that she's so skilled and she's only like freaking 12 years old. before playing phantasia i thought she was going to have a bigger role in the game but hey, this is cool too.

the plot of the game was interesting and the time traveling aspect was cool but, i think overall it just felt kind of flat. after fighting dhaos a SECOND time and him escaping to the future or whatever it was like, "how many times do we have to teach you this, old man?" the game didn't really have any interesting secondary characters to the plot like botta or altessa: sure there was morrisson but that was only at the beginning and yeah his death was sad but after that, you mostly just spend going dungeon to dungeon searching for summon spirits or ways to get stronger to defeat dhaos--not that many secondary plots. again just being picky and i know this is a SNES game but yeah the overall plot got sort of meh after the second time beating dhaos.

the ending was ok, i'm glad to see that arche finally reunited with her mom :)

anyway, overall it was a good game i'd say. the graphics in the game are soooo good to look at and it was the type of SNES-style graphics game i had been itching to play. i know there's an OVA adaptation of the game which i'll have to check out and see what that's all about--i wonder if there will be more interactions between the characters? i kind of felt that the connection between the party members wasn't all there, especially once chester joins.

either way, i'm glad i can now add phantasia to my list of tales games completed, and even more glad that i can now move on to FINALLY start my replay of berseria!!! ohhhh i'm ready to get my heart destroyed again!!

[pan-gya]

I finished Ai Nirvana!!

And I have many feelings about it both good and bad. Under the cut is my full review of the game. I tried to keep it vague about spoilers, but obviously they’re still in there.

Review under the cut (apologies if it’s rambly)

This game is amazing in every way, I just wish they'd done it differently. Which doesn't really make sense, but I'll explain my logic.

I went into this game expecting to feel the same way I did about the first one. The original AI blew my mind and got me so invested in every twist and turn. I got so much pleasure out of playing it and I still do when I remember it. But the story is so original, that it would only work once, so it’s not like I expected the sequel to be the same but I hoped it would give me the same feeling despite a different narrative. It didn’t, and I am disappointed at that. However, this doesn’t mean I didn’t enjoy the sequel, on the contrary I really did, just not in the same way I enjoyed the fist game. And I have a lot more things I have issues with.

The thing about the first game that really got to me is how personal it is. Without saying too much, because everyone should play this game, it is very much the story of two people and their relationship. The other characters in the game are aides to that relationship or victims that get caught up in it. You play as only one character and he tells you a lot of his thoughts to the point where you can end up thinking the same way he does and say the same things. It’s a very personal and intimate game.

Nirvana is much larger scaled. Again, I don’t want to say too much, but rather than just being the story of a protagonist and antagonist, there’s multiple different sides and points of view. While interesting, it makes it hard to feel attached to anyone in the same way I felt with Date. This is also because you play as two different characters as opposed to just one. Of course, this isn’t a bad thing, these kinds of plots are really cool and interesting, it just doesn’t tickle that part of my brain the same way. However this isn’t to say I didn’t enjoy the plot. I think it was really well executed, dropping clues and hints to everything along the way that are much easier to pick up on than the clues dropped in the first game. Made me feel proud of myself as I figured things out. I especially loved watching how all the characters fit into the main plot. It’s very fun to start with “oh this is weird” and then slowly realize that there’s actually SO much more going on. The timey wimey stuff is cool and funky but really confusing, it's at that point you just need to let the game do its thing without you trying to figure everything out. This portion is the closest I got to feeling the way I did about the original, but I was so very confused the entire time, lol. Overall though, I really liked the story, I think it was very cleverly written, a very fun mystery novel.

A major thing I had an issue with was a callback to the original. In the original game, a set of specific events occurs 6 years before the plot. It gets referenced a lot “the thing 6 years ago, 6 years ago this happened” to the point where it’s become a meme in the fandom. This game tries to get in on the joke by having a 6 year time skip, but the way the time skip plays out, it doesn’t work well with 6 years in between. A 2 or 3 year time skip would have been better. It was something that really bugged me as I was playing through Side Mizuki.*(see below)

I also think that they shouldn’t have starred the original cast. All the new characters were so fun and interesting and worked cohesively together. Part of the reason I think I liked Side Ryuki more is because it introduces us and gets us attached to a whole new character that we can slowly peel apart like we did before with Date. Ryuki and Tama’s relationship is a wonderful foil to Date and Aiba’s. The roles are reversed with the AI being the silly one and the human being the serious one. There’s also a difference in their dynamic; Date and Aiba are more parent and child, whereas Ryuki and Tama border on romantic. I never thought I’d ship a man and his eyeball but here we are.

I just kinda wish we learned more about him, like why does he have a limo???? And how did his parents die? Once we learned about his brother’s death and the timing matched up with the first game’s event, I was thinking maybe events in the first game led to Ryuki’s brother’s death. Also the symbolism of him being a twin is completely glossed over! We get one line of it and that’s it, which is ridiculous because the later portion of the game is dedicated to showing the parallels between genetically similar characters. This game is extremely Mizuki heavy, which unfortunately pushes Ryuki aside and undermines his role as a protagonist.

But then we get to Mizuki who is our other protagonist and a returning character. You know that thing where when artists work too long on a piece and overwork it, it gets bad. Yeah kinda that’s what happened with Mizuki. Her story is a major part of the first game, and we learn pretty much her entire history. But then this game decides to add more. And while it works with the narrative, and is really well done, it just oversaturates Mizuki and also makes the things about her in the first game feel kind of out of place.I think if they had just focused on a new cast, with the old cast being cameo characters, it would’ve worked MUCH better. That said, Iris, Pewter, and Date all were handled perfectly in my opinion. Everyone else just felt kinda shoehorned in though. I think Mizuki would be better fit for a smaller spin off game rather than a full sequel, because I am happy to have her as a protagonist, she just didn’t fit quite right here.

And as much as I love Bibi, I think making her Boss’s daughter was too forced. It means that a lot of Boss’s actions and motivations in the first game feel kinda cheap. I like Bibi being an ABIS agent, but I think she should've been someone else’s kid. And I hate to say it but I feel like Bibi is just extra fluff. She doesn't really add anything worthwhile to the story, she's just kinda there for another fun reveal. Honestly, I feel like they should have cut her and Mizuki’s origins from the story and focused more on Ryuki, since he's the new guy. I think instead of retconning Mizuki’s backstory, they should’ve used Ryuki to show the parallel of kids with genetic similarities, since he’s ya know, a TWIN????? (something that gets brought up once and then never again, despite the whole premise of the game focusing on duality)

 I know that it's in the talks to make these games a full series and if they do, I hope they stray further from the original game’s cast. Their stories are over, time to focus on new people. This will also make the future games and their decisions less controversial.

There is one thing in this game that I like more than its predecessor and that is the somniums. In the first game, while the somniums gave lots of fun lore and iconic scenes, they were very cut and paste. Get in, check the mental blocks, solve puzzles to get through. Nirvana greatly expands upon the somniums, to where they still have the same formula, but are executed in such drastically different ways, all tailored to each character. For example, the chef’s somnium is a cooking show whereas the gamer girl’s is literally just playing pokemon. I can tell the devs worked hard on improving the somniums from the first game and I appreciate it. These somniums also took advantage of the fact that the characters are aware of somnium game mechanics to make for some fun and challenging portions.

I also really enjoyed the VR investigation portions, although they did get kind of tedious at times. I think it’s a really fun concept that I hope gets improved upon in potential future games. And as a film major, I very much loved Tama and Aiba’s dreams of being aspiring directors. You go girls!

And of course the epilogue and finale was just as warm and comforting and cute as the first game’s. They really nailed that. AND HITOMI’S ARM DIDN’T MOVE THIS TIME :D

Overall, this game was so fun to play and I highly recommend picking it up at some point. It just wasn’t as polished as the first game, they still had a few plot lines that they missed during the chiseling.

These are things I think the story should have done in order to make the narrative more cohesive and also keep within the parameters the first game set up:

cut Bibi. She doesn't add anything worthwhile to the overall story and only serves as a way to give Mizuki more lore, which is unnecessary. It's just another story line in a web of confusing narratives and it doesn't work as well as the devs think it does.

Cut Mizuki's new origin story. It feels forced and like too much. Let Mizuki just be a weirdly strong kid just like how Komeiji weirdly has a square head.

Don't make Gen a Chikara victim. It doesn't add anything except explain why he’s like that but again, just let him be weird like square head Komeji.

Don't make Gen’s love for Mermaid/Amame romantic. It's gross. He's an adult man.

Make the time skip 3 years instead of 6. ← I've gone over this point many times so I won't go into again 

Tone down Mizuki and Kizuna’s friendship. Considering that in the first game, Iris is Mizuki’s closest friend, it feels weird for her to suddenly be closer with this other girl

Further develop Uru and Amame’s relationship so that their final meeting doesn’t feel so out of place. We know Uru became obsessed with her, and kept tabs on her. I think having a storyline of her finding a guy she liked (Uru) and finding comfort in him only to find out he’s Tearer, the man who murdered her father and threatened her with a gun, would be the perfect sort of horrific reveal for this game.

Spend more time fleshing out Ryuki’s backstory and focus more on him being a twin. The promotional material worked so hard to hide it to let it be a reveal, but once it’s revealed, nothing is actually done with it. Also why THE FUCK DOES HE JUST HAVE A LIMO????????

Things that probably shouldn't have been done but I'm fine with them staying:

So Sejima’s part in the game. He adds absolutely nothing but it's hilarious that everyone keeps bothering him lol. Also Iris having two serial killer brothers is really funny. So Sejima is the true main antagonist of the series, guys!

Hitomi’s part in the game. She adds nothing and the visits are pretty much a waste of time but I love Hitomi so. (note, I am not including the epilogue visit when I say this, that one is wonderful and I’ll be squealing over it forever thank you.)

*date being in mizuki life for a shorter time than he wasn't, aiba spending more years with mizuki than date (kinda erases the bond tm that everyone admires between them), no one's designs changing (shoma and pewter are the only excuses), the way mizuki interacts with the character that tells US what is happening but is weird for someone who has known about these things for 6 years

[iamagodjkimcatholicicantsaythat]

hi! I came across your blog randomly and saw you'd been called a "demi slut" which is totally weird and mean first of all but also I wanted to know if by chance, I'd stumbled across a fellow Christian demi......? 'cause if so, hi! :D (sorry the person used a rude word for you, though!) I read your About page and saw the part where you post gray ace memes... I'm demi and relate to it more than the description of gray ace, so do you use both interchangeably or does one suit you better than the other? and lastly, one time someone told me that demi is the "ideal Catholic sexuality". I'm a Christian, not a Catholic, but I was raised Catholic and it's what my family practices. do you feel like being Catholic influences you also being demi? I feel like I would be demi either way but I've had so many people connect it to religious beliefs/background. well, take care and have a lovely day!

It was one of my best friends who used to identify as ace (I don't know where they currently fall even tho they are still a best friend, they have just identified differently a few times).

My friends call me mean names a lot, but it doesn't bother me usually since it's a joke (it was in context of me simping over a fictional character I think or accidentally flirting even though accidentally flirting can't really be counted as flirting) but I know it can bother people.

I once said I was demi or likely demi to my friend but I didn't use it when I read about it more. I didn't use anything for a long time and wasn't sure for a bit if I really was aspec.

But when I read more about grey ace (more recently, learned about quoisexual), I felt it fit me pretty well. So, I mostly put "demi slut" in my title for the meme of it. Though, it recently reread about it and kind of relate to it still. Grey ace or quoisexual make the most sense.

Yeah, I wasn't sure for a long time about whether or not it was just my Catholic faith influencing me, but I don't think so. Like maybe when I was younger it did, and maybe that's made me feel the way I do now, but over all, that doesn't invalidate it in my opinion.

I just feel that my experience is still different than a lot of Christians who want to wait for marriage or are discerning multiple vocations cuz they seem open to sex and interested, but I don't know if I will ever be open to or interested in it, though, I would be open to it if I knew I wanted a family. And it doesn't seem like a calling to chastity either, more of a "yeah, no, thank you" lol.

I hope you have a nice day, too!

[sawsdoe]

ok so various hnk thoughts under the cut

i’ll start by saying that reading everything in one go and not as a teenager definitely made me appreciate a couple of things a bit more, namely:

1. at the end of the day this is phos’s story, the side characters were a vehicle for their development.. it’s still hard not to feel led on into thinking that shinsha (prime example) would be more important than they actually were but looking back on everything they’re just one of many characters that guided them on their way. which i think i’m fine with. but mainly because i couldn’t actually stand them this time round LOL (more on that later).

2. the gems are essentially perpetual schoolchildren- it’s frustrating that no one else got any kind of satisfying ending but i think if any of them were capable of real change then it wouldn’t be so noteworthy that phos was. at least that makes sense as an in-universe explanation.. still kind of frustrating as a reader. but again i think ultimately i’m fine with it.

i already knew this but the reread did remind me that my prior disappointment with the way the story developed wasn’t so much that it ‘got bad’ but that it just wasn’t what i was hoping for. but as a teenager i was into it in a bit of a ‘fandom-y’ way (with faves and ships and memes and whatever. lighthearted stuff) and maybe part of me expected a nice ‘good beats bad’ kind of ending. but it’s just not that kind of series. kind of back to point 1 but reading it in one go really did hammer home that phos gets fucked over from the get go (i’d forgotten too much by the time the chapter with ‘in other words, i have always been alone’ first came out but this time. no.. that’s exactly it). like the power of friendship and communication was never gonna save the day here lol.

i think my only real beef or ‘objective’ criticism is that the behaviour of the moon gems seemed unnatural to the point where it just felt like they were being forced to act a certain way to get the plot where it needed to be. once cairngorm had their eyes changed there was no suspicion from any of them.. like all the cooing over aechmea and cairngorm, even considering the fact that the gems are so sheltered they have no way of knowing what grooming and sexual abuse are, would aechmea still not be suspicious on account of being uh. the guy in charge of kidnapping and murdering them for thousands of years. it’s not like i needed some acknowledgement that it was ‘problematic’ for the sake of the reader, that was very clearly the intention, but it just wasn’t believable.. the earth gems were frustrating in their own way but that was also clearly the point, they were the ones that chose to stick their heads in the sand. whereas the moon gems had at least made the first step in moving forward, so i would have thought they might use their brains a bit more.

speaking of earth gems. shinsha is a funny character because somehow, in the 5 years between now and my last full read through, they’ve gone from my fave to someone i would uh.. love to tell to get a fucking grip. like i felt bad for them when i watched the anime way back but now i’m older they’re just like. the kind of person who is so determined to be miserable that they refuse a. help when it’s offered and b. to believe anyone else might have their own problems. (insert that david foster wallace quote about how self hatred is a form of narcissism). it reminds me of an interview with ichikawa i read way back, and i won’t be able to get the exact quote because the wordpress account has since been deleted but she said something along the lines of how a key theme in hnk is if one person can truly save another.. and i think one answer to that is, ‘well clearly not if they don’t bloody want to be’.

as for the other side characters.. i could never work cairngorm out. how much was naivety, how much was acting, how much was being straight up controlled by the new eyes.. i know there’s at least one dedicated fan out there picking apart their every line but honestly i stopped caring. i was always waiting for them to just.. DO something and they didn’t. (back to point 2)

kind of feel like rereading ichikawa’s oneshots too now. might be able to make some connections i didn’t make before.

[eumenidaes]

I posted 14,506 times in 2022

That's 2,162 more posts than 2021!

157 posts created (1%)

14,349 posts reblogged (99%)

Blogs I reblogged the most: (breaking the @ so I don't have to show up in people's notifications lol)

@ possum-tooth

@ gxldandpurple

@ aspiringwarriorlibrarian

@ pinkyshy101

@ caspercryptid

I tagged 2,857 of my posts in 2022

#video - 336 posts

#kitty - 282 posts

#tag game - 215 posts

#space - 158 posts

#my posts - 114 posts

#chae-yeong - 102 posts

#ask meme - 94 posts

#ironwood - 81 posts

#rohan - 75 posts

#about - 57 posts

Longest Tag: 139 characters

#james watching his wife beat the hell out of a man for disagreeing with her war crimes: hmm. think this might have awakened something in me

My Top Posts in 2022:

Rest of this is under the cut because some of them get LONG

#5

gxldandpurple: Have you ever traveled to a different country? If you haven’t, which one would be the first you would go to?

eumenidaes: Technically I left the US once bcs I went on a cruise when I was like 5 and we stopped at one of the islands in the Caribbean, but I don’t remember any details of it or even where specifically we stopped. I’d like to go to South Korea one day tho, I’m part Korean but have always felt kinda disconnected to that aspect of my culture for a number of reasons (I’m a quarter Korean and white, American assimilation means I didn’t learn pretty much anything about my background growing up, etc). idk if going there would really help with that, but it would be cool to get to go there and like. Learn more about that part of my background, if that makes any sense

5 notes - Posted September 28, 2022

#4

22 for the Spotify ask meme!

It didn't take nearly as long as I expected it would, but the short story's finished! Thanks for exchanging requests for art with our number 22 songs with me lol, this song is Oh No! by MARINA (tho for some reason it looks like spotify moved around some of my songs and it's not there anymore??? idk, I'm not changing it to be another song when that other one was also requested lol)

I tried to incorporate themes from the song of things like neglecting personal relationships due to a desire to succeed and make a change in the world/life. This is focused on my RWBY OC, Chae-Yeong Vermeil, and you can also read it on ao3!

“Miss Vermeil! Chae-Yeong!”

Chae-Yeong turns at the sound of her name to see the familiar cheery face of Ashley Linden making her way through the first floor of the Vermeil Foundation building. 

The musician has become a familiar face at the charity’s headquarters over the past couple of months, and as much as Chae-Yeong’s inclined to believe people are good, she can’t help wondering if Ashley’s just here out of a desire to help people in Mantle. She’s well aware that Ashley insists on making her donations to the charity with Chae-Yeong personally, and that she’s been known to leave upon finding out that Chae-Yeong isn’t there today. It's clear that she doesn’t like staying in Mantle for long. That combined with how even now, Ashley casts a quick glance downwards towards Chae-Yeong’s chest makes her main intention for being here clear— she’s attracted to Chae-Yeong, and she wants to get close to her. 

If she were twenty years younger and not used to people who don’t even know her pining after her, Chae-Yeong might be flattered. But she is forty-six, and Ashley is twenty-eight, and Chae-Yeong has long since moved past enjoying people she barely speaks to wanting to date her. There are far more important things in the world, like running her company, working on developing space travel, and trying to improve Atlas and Mantle for everyone in it. 

But Chae-Yeong knows how to play nice. She has an image to upkeep, and whatever feelings she holds privately don’t need to be shared with anyone. 

“Hi, it's Ashley, right? How are you?” Chae-Yeong asks. She knows exactly who Ashley is, but pretending she’s bad with names is all part of the act. It also might deter her from continuing to pursue her. 

She hopes this won’t take long. She has work to do. Neither the Vermeil Foundation of Vermeil Industries run themselves, and even if her job as CEO isn’t meant to keep her involved with what’s happening in her company, she likes to be. Chae-Yeong would rather sit through mind numbingly boring meetings and seemingly endless emails than do nothing but play golf and only ever interact with people that are inordinately wealthy. Besides, her involvement in her company’s practices and its charitable offshoot means that she can make sure that everyone working for her is getting treated well. 

“I’m great, for sure,” Ashley says. She fiddles with the end of some of her long blonde hair. “Actually, I was just looking for you.”

“Yeah?” Chae-Yeong prompts. 

“Are you doing anything tonight?” 

And there’s the question Chae-Yeong had been waiting for. Honestly, she’s impressed. It usually takes even less interaction with her for someone to get bold enough to ask her out. 

The answer will, of course, be no. The question is how to phrase the rejection without upsetting Ashley too much or letting her get far enough to feel humiliated. 

“I’ve actually got a date later tonight. I don’t know how well it’ll go, but I might be, ah, unavailable for a long while after that,” Chae-Yeong says. It’s a complete lie, but those can make the best excuses. Plus, it helps her to maintain the playgirl reputation she’s cultivated over the years.  

“Oh, I’m sorry, I didn’t know you were in a relationship,” Ashley says, and she’s mastered the Atlesian art of burying your feelings deep inside. There's disappointment clear in her eyes, but her expression remains bright as if she hadn't been hoping that Chae-Yeong was single. 

Chae-Yeong is in a relationship, but that’s not something that anyone is supposed to know about. Everything between her and James is supposed to be private. If she were telling anyone about it, the last choice would be a pop star that would tell the tabloid’s that Atlas’ general and the CEO of Vermeil Industries are dating. 

“It’s nothing too long term, just our second date,” Chae-Yeong says. It’s best to keep these made up relationships short, that way it’s harder to fact check. 

“Yeah, that’s pretty early on,” Ashley agrees, and Chae-Yeong recognizes the way her eyes regain their light at the thought. With a short relationship, she sees opportunity. If they’re only in the getting to know you phase still, it could be brief. Maybe Ashley won’t try to ask Chae-Yeong out now, but she will again in the future, after this fictionalized relationship has fizzled out. 

Chae-Yeong knows that she’s only creating an endless cycle with this by lying and acting like if she was single, Ashley would have a chance with her. But outright rejecting Ashley would only upset her. At least this option gives her hope, even if it is a false one. 

“Sorry if you wanted to do something, though,” Chae-Yeong says. 

“It’s fine, don’t worry. I hope your date goes well!” Ashley says, even though she definitely doesn’t hope it goes well. 

“Maybe we can get a rain check?” Chae-Yeong suggests. “I should be free at… some point. I’d have to check my schedule, it’s hard to keep track of everything.”

It isn’t, and Chae-Yeong knows exactly when she’s free. But this is another part of her public persona, and it gives her a good way to postpone any future attempts by Ashley to ask her out. 

“Yeah, we can figure it out later,” Ashley says. She rocks back on her heels. “I guess I should let you go, huh?”

“If you don’t mind. I have a lot going on, well, pretty much all the time,” Chae-Yeong says with a laugh. That’s not a lie, but it’s also a good way to get out of this conversation. 

“No worries,” Ashley assures. 

“Thanks so much.” Hoping to avoid getting caught up in more conversation if Ashley thinks of anything else to say, she starts walking towards the elevator. “See you later!”

With a press of a button, the elevator is called to the first floor. It arrives with a ding as Ashley says her goodbyes, and Chae-Yeong steps in, waving one last time before the doors close. 

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5 notes - Posted December 2, 2022

#3

If anyone wants to know how unhinged about Ironwood I am, I did a sporcle where you were supposed to write out his entire ultimatum and I was stumped bcs I had literally one word of it that I couldn’t figure out bcs the word I thought was supposed to go there was said to be wrong. It turns out it’s bcs I knew the monologue better than the quiz did

5 notes - Posted November 3, 2022

#2

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5 notes - Posted April 17, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

Love tumblr ads that clearly were not supposed to be published

29 notes - Posted February 8, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[romancemoon]

abatina, hollyhock, oak?

✨ @halbermenschen. meme. still accepting!

abatina :   is there anything in life your muse has changed their mind about over time   (   due to becoming more educated on the topic ,   certain experiences  ,   etc .   ) ,   or that they   would   change their mind about under certain circumstances ?  

the thought of being a parent used to make him wanna crawl outta his skin lol like he was like oh................. im not cut out for that sh*t. he saw people he graduated with having children, people he attended college with, et cetera. same for marriage. understandably someone that young would feel that way lol. esp since he was going through so much. and he couldn’t ever figure out if he had enough love in his heart to actually carry through with commitment and raising a family. there’s a quote from a book i rly like that kinda illustrates how he went from not wanting a family to wanting one

‘ . I look down and see my shaking hands, my dirty pants, the filthy bathroom floor. I am a drunk. I am a bulimic. I cannot love a child, because all I do is hurt the people I love. I cannot teach someone else how to live because I am only half alive.

[ ... ]

I am no longer a pool of tenderness. I am a tree. Everyone else can be hopeful and afraid but I am neither. I am resolute, solid, and separate. [ ... ] I can only save this baby who came and trusted me to come back to life. I cannot be distracted by anyone else’s feelings. I will be fierce and steady, like my mother. ’

so yes he wants a husband and children and yadda even tho he certainly said he would never anything like that ever in his life because he felt himself incapable of being that loving in his own personal life. he kind of had to have a long sit down with himself about it and basically drill into his own head that he’s not an awful person. and that it’s okay to want that kind of life for himself. and now he welcomes with open arms.

sometimes he finds it funny because his parents have a happy marriage even though theyre terribly flawed people ( well mostly his mom lol ) and all that. so he never got what external factor made him so fearful. most likely that split second of insecurity about his own sexuality, lack of experience, yadda.

hollyhock :   how strong is your muse’s sense of ambition ?  what’s something they strive for in life ?  

if u had to reduce virote to a single trait it would be ambition lol.... hes a steel trap shaped like a person. all the shit he’s had to overcome and he literally never quits. whether anyone likes it or not, he’s going to get what he wants. and there’s nothing anyone can do about it. he’s on a ‘ if i have to stab u in the throat to achieve a goal, i’ll do it ’ basis but hopefully he dont gotta go there because the only thing he wants to do is make the world a better place. :))))

he’s a tree... resolute... solid.... yea babey.

oak has been answered here.