#i just am not sure if sticking them in the fridge for a day and then cooking them is the vibe

[fingertipsmp3]

Lads. How do I defrost hot dog sausages. Can I defrost hot dog sausages? Should I even have frozen them in the first place??

[flemingsfreckles]

Better Boyfriend than Him (18+) pt. 6

Jessie Fleming x Reader

Read the previous parts here

Warnings: SMUT (18+), fingering (r giving), oral (r giving), tit sucking, cursing, non-sexual nudity

WC: 5.6k

A/N: this is the end folks :) thank you to all of you who interacted with any part of this series or sent me suggestions I really appreciate it 🫶

It had been 5 weeks since you and Jessie officially became girlfriends and 5 weeks from the day Jessie had asked to join you in the shower.

“Can I join you?” You looked back and Jessie was still sitting on the bed that the two of you had just messed up. Despite fucking you Jessie was still completely clothed as well. Her eyes met yours for a moment before she looked down to the floor.

“Only if that’s what you want. You don’t have to just because I asked when I’d be able to touch you.” You didn’t want her putting herself in vulnerable positions just trying to please you.

“I want to.” She pulled the blanket off from her waist and moved out of the bed toward you.

You started the water and got out a second towel for Jessie. You could feel your heart racing. A new feeling of nerves and excitement racing through your body.

“I can get in first, if you want to just come in when you’re ready, or I can wait. Up to you.” Maybe she was comfortable with the idea of showering but not the idea of stripping off her clothes in front of you yet. You looked at her and she leaned against the counter, hands crossed against her chest.

“Yeah go ahead, I might be a minute.” You could tell by her voice she was uncertain in what was happening. You stick your hand into the shower, turning the heat up a little more before walking across the cold bathroom tile to place a kiss to Jessie’s lips.

You grab her hands as you pull away, holding them firmly in your own. “You don’t have to do this if you don’t want to.” Looking into her eyes as you talk to her. “I want you to be comfortable, whatever that means to you is okay with me Jessie.”

She just nods and when you squeeze her hands she returns the gesture. You let go and walk back, opening the shower door and stepping in. The shower door was glass but fogged. You could make out the shape of Jessie against the counter through it but not actually see what she was doing.

You moved under the water letting it run down your face, your hands coming up to wipe your eyes before you get your hair under the water. You shampoo your hair, rinse it and put in conditioner. You grab the body soap and give a glance back through the fogged door. Jessie hadn’t moved.

“You okay out there?” Having to slightly yell over the sound of the loud shower head.

You hear her clear her throat. “Yeah I’m good.” Her voice sounds shaky. Deciding not to press, you try and change the subject.

“What do you want for lunch? I’m not sure what I have in the fridge so we might need to run to the store to make a real meal but I’m thinking maybe burgers or we could do chicken, we could do pasta,” you start throwing out any meal ideas to her. “Maybe we could just have salads that one with the shrimp you like,”

“Please stop.” Her voice comes from over the shower. “I know what you’re trying to do.”

“I’m just trying to figure out what we’re going to eat.” Acting innocent, you try to sound normal.

“No you’re trying to distract me. I appreciate it but if you always just distract me, I’ll never get any further than where I am.”

“Sorry.” You really had meant well, trying to get her mind off the stress and anxiety you could feel she was having. You finished rinsing your body and started to rinse out the conditioner. You turn for a minute, facing away from the door. That’s when you hear it open, and you can sense Jessie now standing behind you in the shower.

“Hi.” Her voice is still shaky, quieter now that she doesn’t have to yell through the shower door.

“Hi babe.” You stay facing away from her, you weren’t sure if she wanted you to turn around or if just she wanted to be in your presence without your gaze for the first time. It’s quiet for a minute, you don’t move, having already rinsed your conditioner out you’re just standing under the water, facing the wall.

“Um, I’m done in the shower, do you want me to leave so you can shower? I can stay or go, whatever you want.”

“Stay. Please.”

“Can I turn around?” You had to turn around at some point, even if it was to just leave the shower. You hear her take a deep breath behind you.

“Yeah, you can.”

You move slowly, giving her enough time to stop you or change her mind or even run out of the shower. But she doesn’t and when you turn you’re met face to face with your red cheeked girlfriend. You don’t dare let your eyes drop, you’re practically staring at her eyebrows instead of her eyes, not wanting to look at her and make her uncomfortable. You can tell she’s got her arms across her chest, holding her breasts tight against herself.

“Hi Jess.” She doesn’t respond just giving you a weak smile.

“Stop staring at my forehead, it's weird.”

“Sorry.” You make an effort to look down at her eyes.

“Here let me move.” You start to shuffle to one side of the shower. “You can get in the water.” She passes by you, her skin gently grazing against you and it leaves you with goosebumps.

Your turn facing her again, she’s facing you. Her eyes move all over, yours stay glued to her face.

“Want me to wash your hair?” You offer, it was something simple but you thought it might help given that she had yet to take her arms away from her chest, making it hard for her to wash her own hair.

“Yeah that would be nice.” She finishes getting her hair soaking wet. She then turns her back to you. You each a hand over her shoulder putting out your palm.

“Shampoo please.” Jessie removed one hand from her chest, grabbing the bottle and squeezing a dollop into your hand. “Thank you. I’m gonna touch your hair.” You don’t know if she wanted the warning but you figured it was the polite thing to do.

“Okay.”

You lather some of the shampoo in your hands, the smell of it filling the shower. You place your hands gently on her head. Starting with gently working your hands through her hair. She tilts her head back letting you reach the front of her scalp. As you work your hands down toward the base of her neck you feel Jessie’s neck and head relax, putting its weight into your hands. She lets out a soft groan as you work your nails harder into the base of her scalp.

“Good?” You say to her.

“Yeah, this is really nice.” You keep scratching at her skull, mixing between soft and harsh movements. You’re looking at the back of her head, barely touching her but you can’t help but think this is the most intimate experience of your life. Here you were, both naked, but with no sexual intentions in mind, you were providing her a simple task and yet it made you feel so close to her.

“Conditioner?” You remove a hand from where it was tangled within her hair and you place it again over her shoulder palm out. Jessie repeats her actions grabbing the bottle and squeezing the conditioner into your hand. You spread it and run your fingers through her hair.

You remove your hands from her, placing them back at your side. Unsure of what to do while she let the conditioner sit. You both just stood, only the sound of the running water filling the bathroom.

“Do you mind stepping out so I can wash my body? I’m sorry, I’m just not,”

“Of course babe. Don’t apologize.” You don’t even let her finish apologizing. You open the shower door, stepping out onto the bath rug. “A clean towel for you is on the hook.”

“Thank you.” You can see her silhouette moving around in the shower. You give her one last look before you move into the bedroom, closing the bathroom door behind you not wanting to be waiting in the bathroom when she gets out. You stood in your bedroom, pulling out two pairs of sweatpants, two sleep shirts, and two hoodies. The water stops running in the bathroom. Jessie opens the door, peering around it.

“Hi!” You were in love, nope not in love you hadn’t even been dating a whole 24 hours, you were smitten, with the way she always gave you a sweet “hi” when she was shy.

“I got you clothes.” You point at the obvious pile of clothing you had gotten out.

“Thank you for giving me privacy earlier.”

“Thank you for asking for it. I’m proud of you for taking that step today, I’m sure it was scary. I’m really proud of you Jessie.” You kiss her temple.

You drop your towel, grabbing from the clothes laid out on the bed. You slip on panties followed by sweatpants and a shirt. You then turn around, facing away from Jessie giving her the privacy to get dressed. You hear her move behind you, when she’s dressed you feel her arms wrap tightly around your waist.

“Thank you.”

You had progressively seen more and more of Jessie’s body over the 5 weeks. First it was in the shower, she then started joining you more and more frequently especially after the two of you would have sex. She progressively started to remove her hands from her body, you kept your eyes up, but you could tell she was getting more comfortable. She would wash her body in front of you, though you still kept your eyes nearly to the ceiling . You no longer left to let her finish in private, she didn’t ask you to leave.

Next she had started changing in the room with you, not giving you warning. The first time she did it you nearly panicked, but then realized making it a deal would be worse so you acted as if nothing happened as she changed into her pajamas.

When you had sex she still kept on her bra and underwear but she let your hands roam over her more and more. Quick touches to her waist, then to her thighs, eventually she allowed you to have your hands on her ass squeezing and grabbing while you made out. You could tell she was trying and that was all you needed. With every milestone you felt so proud of her.

And then she flashed you, and you nearly fell over. This was 3 days ago and you couldn’t get the image out of your head. Jessie had called you into her bedroom from where you were sitting in the living room. When you entered the room you saw the look on her face, a smirk as she stared at you across the room. It was a look that told you she was up to something.

“What did you do?” You questioned Jessie

“Nothing but I have to show you something.”

“Okay?”

She just smiled at you before shouting “Look!”, and she grabbed the hem of her shirt, pulling it up, exposing her chest to you.

Your eyes fell to her chest and your jaw dropped, before you could register that you were staring at her boobs, her shirt was back down, covering them up.

“I’m going to make popcorn.” She says as she walks past you back to the kitchen. You were absolutely shocked at what had just happened. An overwhelming feeling came over you, a mixture of happiness, pride, and being incredibly turned on all washed over you. You weren’t super proud of being turned on, knowing you should be more happy about her milestone but it was your girlfriend's boobs that you had just seen fully for the first time. You take a deep breath before following her to where she was standing in the kitchen.

“What just happened in there?”

She just shrugs as she looks at the microwave. “Just felt like it.”

You walk up behind her giving her a tight hug around her waist and placing your chin on her shoulder. You place quick kisses to her neck. “I’m proud of you, as always.”

“Did you like them?” She turns a big smile on her face as she asks.

“They were,” your mind goes blank as you think about the image of your grinning girlfriend holding up her shirt, “so good, really Jess, like those,” you tilt your head in the direction of her chest. “Those are perfect.”

“Thanks, grew them myself.”

“What the fuck babe.” You laugh at her comment.

Now it was 3 days later, the two of you were sitting on Jessie’s couch, sharing a bag of chips as you worked on chemistry homework.

“Can I tell you something?” Jessie said tapping her pen rapidly against the table, feeling anxious.

“Always.” You stop the problem you’re working on to give her your attention.

“I think I’m ready.” She waits looking at you.

“For?” When she leaves you hanging you have to nag.

She lifts an eyebrow suggestively at you, when you don’t get the hint she fills in the blank. “Sex.”

“Oh!” You realize what she’s implying. “Okay, are you sure?”

She nods. “Maybe tonight?” She has a small red flush to her cheeks.

You lean over to give her a kiss “Whenever you’re ready.”

It was later that night, you had gone home for a few hours and returned to Jessie’s for the evening. Upon walking through the door the Canadian had her lips on yours hard, indicating she was still up for what she had suggested earlier that day.

You kiss Jessie’s soft, plump lips for a minute before you pull back from her, pushing her off with your hands on her chest.

“If you want to stop just say something, stop, wait, no, anything I’ll stop what I’m doing. If you don’t want to say something but need me to stop just tap me three times in a row.” You grab her arm to show her what you mean, tapping her gently. It wasn’t something the two of you had used before but you had done some research on how to make this experience comfortable and read that verbal no’s can be sometimes difficult and it’s good to have another option. The article had recommended the three taps and you figured you could offer it.

“Okay.”

“Promise you’ll stop me if I make you uncomfortable or you change your mind or if you just don’t want to?” You hold out your pinky to her, she links hers with yours.

“I promise.” With that you grabbed her hand, pulling her gently down the hallway toward her bedroom.

You kissed her, holding her tightly to you as you stood in her bedroom.

“Can I take your shirt off?”

“Yeah babe.” You had taken her shirt off numerous times, but you always asked anyway. Your hands found the hem of her shirt and Jessie lifted her arms above her head. You slowly lifted her shirt, letting it fall to the floor.

“Are you okay if I move us to the bed?”

“Yes.”

You bend down, picking her up and moving to the bed. You set her down so she is sitting on the side of it and you’re standing between her thighs on the ground. Still taking it slow you just make out for a couple of minutes. You let your tongue softly meet hers. Your hands are on her waist, gripping her tightly, your fingernails probably leaving small indents in her skin. Her hands are on your face, one on each cheek, pulling you into her.

You kiss her until she pulls back. “As much as I enjoy making out with you, can we pick up the pace here?”

You nod rapidly at her and release your hands from her waist. She moves herself up the bed, resting her head back on the pillows. You follow her, crawling to place yourself above her, your legs between hers. She wraps her thighs around your waist. Leaning in, you start kissing her again, Jessie’s fingers start to play with your waistband under your shirt, she knew you loved the soft traces of your waist she would tease you with.

“Shirt off?” She pulls back from your lips and asks.

“Please.” Helping her, you both take your shirt off. When you move back her hands come to your covered chest, squeezing your tits through your bra. You move your head toward the crevice of her neck, kissing down the side. When your lips meet her collarbone she lets out a breathy moan.

“That feels good.” Her hand comes up to grab the back of your head, keeping you in the spot she liked. You listened, kissing, licking, and gently sucking at that spot before giving the same treatment to the other side of her neck. You move down further, kissing what skin of Jessie’s tits was above her bra. Your hands come up, finding the elastic at the bottom of her bra.

“You can take it off.” She tells you before you even have the chance to ask. As Jessie sits up you gently place the tips of your fingers under the band, giving Jessie another look, she nods and you pull her bra over her head and arms. Before you look at or even touch her chest you smile at her and place a kiss on her cheeks.

“Can I touch them?”

“Yes baby, use your mouth too.” You’re a little shocked by her forwardness. You follow her instructions. Sitting back you take in the sight, your beautiful girlfriend laying under you, shirtless for the very first time. Your eyes move from one breast to the other, taking in her skin. Moving you gently cup your hands around her chest, giving both a soft squeeze before leaning down to connect your lips to her collarbone again.

You leave a path of kisses all the way down until you lips find her nipple. You pause before putting your lips on it and glance up to see her watching you intensely.

“Are you okay?”

���Yeah, I’m good. You can put your lips there.” She looks down to the nipple you had avoided kissing. You once again happily follow Jessie’s request, placing your lips around her nipple. You let your tongue swirl around it, softly sucking it into your mouth. Another moan falls from Jessie’s lips. “Fuck babe, that’s good.”

You continue giving her right nipple the same attention until you hear Jessie again.

“Babe?” You release her chest from your lips with a pop.

“What? Are you okay?”

“Yeah, it was getting a little sensitive. Can you move to the other one?”

“Of course, thank you for telling me.” You smile and drop your head back to focus on her left breast. Giving it the same treatment only this time for less time. Jessie is gripping the back of your head, pushing you into her chest harder. Your hands start to wander down, finding the waistband of her pants, letting your fingers just barely dip under them.

You let your lips move off her nipple.

“Pants?”

“Off please.” She answers. Your hands come to the tie on her pants and undo them.

“Are you still okay? We can stop anytime you want.”

“I know babe, I’m good, really good. I promise. I’ll tell you.” Your hands dip into Jessie’s waistband and pull her sweats down and off her legs, you crawl back up letting Jessie’s legs wrap around you once again. One of your hands finds her thigh, gently scratching up and down, the other holding your body above hers.

Kissing her again, still soft but with more intention than you had before. It was setting in that you were finally having this moment with Jessie. Making out with her gave you a second to clear your mind, you relaxed a bit, feeling that you were previously on edge, so caught up in making this a bad experience for Jessie. But the more you two moved together, those nerves faded.

Jessie’s hips gently thrusting upward has you pulling away from her lips. You raise your eyebrows at her, glancing at where her hips had been moving and then back up to her face.

“Can you touch me please?” It’s really a simple request but it had so much meaning behind it.

“Yes baby. Do you want your boxers off or?”

“Yeah, take them off.” Leaning in for one sweet kiss, your lips find hers. You move down, kneeling between Jessie’s legs, your hands resting on her waist where the top of her boxers were.

“Good?” You feel the need to give her another check in.

“Good.”

You slowly move her boxers down her legs, she tuck her legs slightly to bring her feet together so you could slip them all the way up. She doesn’t spread her legs back on the sides of you once you have her underwear off. You don’t throw the boxers, just placing them on the bed so that if she wanted them back she could have them almost immediately.

You could tell she was nervous now. Her bottom lip being chewed on by her teeth, her hands picking as her skin, her eyes not meeting yours like they had up until now.

“Tell me what you need.”

“Just a minute, I think.” She says quietly.

You watch her continue to stare at the wall behind you. You keep your eyes watching her face. She takes a few deep breaths, then straightens out her legs, one coming on to either side of where you sat. The hormones in you tell you to look, but the girlfriend in you instead leans over to her, placing yet another reassuring kiss to her lips.

“What do you want me to do?” You didn’t want to make the call on using your hands or your mouth without asking.

“Uh.” You watch as Jessie just looks at you, “your fingers, maybe, just on my clit.” She blushes a bit when she says it, her eyes darting away for a second.

You nod and start to move your hand down until you feel her slit. You gently push her legs open, glancing down to see what you were doing. Finally seeing your girlfriend fully naked in front of you. It takes your breath away for a second, maybe it was silly to other people the thought of seeing someone naked being such a big deal but seeing Jessie in such a private way caused a wave of affection and lust to flow through your body.

Once you’ve taken in her body, you look back up to Jessie’s face. Her expression is hard to read.

“Okay still?”

“Yeah, it’s just, weird, in a good way but still weird, I feel like I’ve never done this, even though I have.”

“Okay babe, just talk to me, whatever you need.” She nods and you let your fingers slide between her folds. Her legs tense for a second before relaxing as you place your other hand out to hold hers, your fingers interlocking.

It only sets in when you feel the pool of wetness under your fingertips, that you’ve never done this before. Now your nerves were back, only for a completely different reason. You didn’t know what you were doing. You weren’t going to be any good, she wouldn’t like it.

“Hey,” Jessie snaps you out of your spiral. She had felt your hand stop moving and looked up to see you staring off into space.

You pull your hand back away from her instinctively thinking she wanted you to stop. “I’m sorry did I hurt you?”

“No, but I can tell that now you’re freaking out.”

“I’m not freaking out.” You hold up your hands, not liking her accusation. “I’ve just, never done this to someone.” You mutter the second part under your breath as if Jessie wasn’t already aware that you had never fucked a girl.

“I know.” She says, it’s a simple reply, it puts some of your anxiety at ease. The rest of your nerves leave when she keeps talking to you. “Remember when we started dating, and I was worried because I haven’t dated in so long? I was scared of being a bad girlfriend. And you said you didn’t expect me to be perfect and that it’s all really trial and error? Think of it like that.”

“Okay.”

“I don’t expect you to be perfect, honestly, and don’t take this the wrong way, this has been perfect so far, but I still have nerves, so I’m not sure you’ll even be able to get me to finish. It might take a few tries and that’s okay. I’m not expecting earth shattering orgasms. I was expecting you to be caring, and gentle, and sweet and you have exceeded my expectations already in regard to that, if I cum great, if not, this has still been great babe.”

As you look at her, those words coming from her mouth you can’t help but think of those three words. They sat in the back of your mind for the past few days, you felt it, you wanted to tell her, it was bubbling out of your chest.

“Can I tell you something?”

“Always.”

“I love you.” There’s a long pause before you continue. “You don’t have to say it back.” And she doesn’t. Jessie doesn’t say anything, she just lays, motionless starting back at you.

“Oh my god I just fucked this up didn’t I?” You want to backpedal, go back to when she was comfortable. Your chest feels tight as you put your hands over your face.

“Um,” she starts, you look notice her eyes looking glossy.

“I’m so sorry Jessie, I just couldn’t hold it in anymore. I can leave if-”

“NO!” Her hand comes to grab at your shoulders.

“Oh” her touch on your shoulders relaxes you slightly.

“I” she lets out a huge sigh, “I love you.” You feel your heart racing. You can barely hear her continue to talk over the sound of blood rushing in your ears. “I actually said it to you the other day, when we fell asleep on the couch together. You were sleeping obviously but, that’s when I realized it, I had felt it before but I couldn’t place it. Seeing you peacefully sleeping, I felt like my heart was going to fall out of my chest, I was so overwhelmed with you, everything about you. I love you.”

You now have tears in your own eyes, feeling so overwhelmed with emotions. You kiss Jessie hard, pouring your feelings for her into the kiss as best you can and she does the same.

When you pull away she smirks at you. “So are we going to finish this, or did we just kill the mood?”

“Definitely didn’t kill the mood, plus now I think this is considered ‘making love’” you hold up air quotes around the words.

“Ew! No.” She gives you a gentle shove on the shoulder. “Please don’t ever call it that, you make us sound like old people.” She laughs but you can also tell she’s serious about not calling it that.

“Fine, now where were we?” You put your lips back on her and let your hand fall back between her legs. You find the same wetness that had started your anxiety before. This time to take a deep breath and remind yourself it’s just Jessie, it’ll be okay.

You use your fingers to drag some of her wetness up to her clit, making your fingers slide better. Drawing circles around it for a bit, you feel Jessie flexing and moving her hips slightly to meet your fingers.

“Can you press a little harder?” Jessie’s voice comes out a little raspy, how it sometimes would sound after she fucked you, it was hot.

You listen, pressing your fingers more firm against her body. “Just like that.” A tingle runs down your spine at her praise. You continue circling her clit, occasionally dipping back near her entrance to collect more of her arousal. One of the times when your fingers drift down Jessie speaks up.

“You can put them inside, if you’re comfortable, and then your other hand or maybe your tongue, on my clit.” You smile at the was she looks away saying the last word, she was so mouthy in bed when she was fucking you and yet so bashful right now.

Eager to taste her finally you move to your stomach keeping your fingers against her. Having your face this close to her you can smell her arousal, it’s similar and yet completely different than your own, having tasted and smelled yourself off Jessie’s lips and fingers on numerous occasions. You adjust your position again so that your mouth is just above where she wants you, your middle finger sitting at her opening.

Unsure of what to start first you’re frozen for a minute.

“Are you okay?” It’s now Jessie asking you instead of you asking her.

“Yeah, I’m just new to this.”

“Put your fingers in first.” You loved how she could tell what the dilemma was you were having without having to tell her or explain.

You do as she says and slowly slide your middle finger into her, the sensation is warm, smooth, and definitely wet. You let a moan fall from your lips when your finger is fully inside, finally feeling her around you. You pump it in and out slowly a few times before picking up the pace.

“Add another.” Jessie requests and you uncurl your ring finger, putting it next to your middle and slowing down your thrusts when you push both fingers in.

“Oh fuck.” You hear Jessie whisper. You look up and her mouth is open, eyes locked on where your hand was entering her. Keeping eye contact with her, you drop your tongue out and let it find her clit. With a single swipe you earn a loud moan from Jessie. “Keep doing that.”

You’d be lying if you said your ego wasn’t being inflated by this moment, your girlfriend moaning under you, because of your fingers and your mouth, you can see why Jessie loves being the one giving.

You find a workable rhythm between your fingers and tongue movement. Jessie is still moving her hips, her hands now both on your head, also applying pressure to move you where she needed you. It was helpful to have her guiding, and also hot the way she tugged harder on your hair when she would moan.

“That’s so good babe, keep doing that, I’m going to cum.” Her words made your eyes that you didn’t even realize you had closed snap open, finding her face. You wanted to watch as she fell apart from your touch. A couple seconds later, you get to see exactly that. Jessie’s fingers twist themselves hard in your hair, nearly painful, her mouth falls open, moans and a whine of your name comes out. Her legs close around your head and her pussy clenched tightly on your fingers making it hard for you to keep them thrusting.

“Okay, babe, fuck.” She shoves your forehead, taking the hint she was sensitive you pull back, carefully removing your fingers from inside of her.

You move up toward her head, leaving kissing sporadically across her body, one to each thigh, one above her hip, one next to her belly button, one under her rigt breast, one between her chest, two to her shoulders, one on her neck and then a kiss to each cheek before her nose and forehead and finally placing your lips on hers.

“Hi.” You say as you hold your face above hers, she looks sleepy, dazed, but happy.

“Hi.”

“Are you okay?” It’s maybe the 15th time you’ve asked her tonight, but you want to check.

“Yeah, are you?”

“Yes, I love you.” You say before leaning down to kiss her again.

When you pull back she says “I love you.”

“Can I lay?” Jessie nods her arms wrapping around your back to hold you tightly to her.

You both lay in silence, catching your breath, your head rests on her chest and you can hear her heart still racing.

“Thank you.” The quiet voice comes from above your head, you tilt against her chest to see Jessie looking at you.

“I’m proud of you.”

She just hums back at you. As you lay you hear her heartbeat slow, returning to its resting rate. You can tell she’s falling asleep, her leg twitching a few times before it stops and her breathing becomes slow and relaxed.

You close your own eyes, falling asleep to the sound of Jessie’s heartbeat, feeling safe in her arms, safe with her. You loved her, she loved you, everything was perfect.

[thewintersoldierdisaster]

a/n: a little fic inspired by a convo @youunravelme and i had a couple of days ago! couldn’t stop thinking about this little idea and just had to write it ☺️ a little bit more lore in the squeaks’ verse added here and lots more to come! enjoy!!

tw: a little innuendo, domestic fluff

word count: 4.3k

summary: it’s talia’s first day of kindergarten and neither you nor mat is handling it particularly well

mat and t’s first day of kindergarten

You lean forward on the counter and smile at Talia, who’s looking at you skeptically. “How about we pick some snacks for your lunch tomorrow?” You ask chirpily.

“How about no?” Talia looks back at you with wide hazel eyes and a nervous tilt to her lips. Her fingers twist together and she kicks the heels of her feet against the legs of the stool she’s sitting on.

“You’re going to be hungry if we don’t pack any snacks,” you reply reasonably, unzipping the brand new Disney Princess lunchbox you’d picked up a few weeks ago at Target. The rush of back to school shopping, even if it wasn’t for you, was a high like nothing else. You’d gone slightly overboard on the supplies and in a burst of excitement, had bought yourself a new planner and half a dozen packs of various styles of pen. You can’t help but get excited about stationary.

“If I was home I wouldn’t be hungry and I could have snacks whenever I want,” Talia points out, tugging at the end of her dark braid. She twists her fingers in the hair below the tie and you reach over the counter to gently untangle her fingers.

You prop your chin on your palm and nod. “You could. But you’re not going to be home. It’s your first day of kindergarten and you’re going to have so many new experiences,” your tone is infused with excitement and you’re relieved to see that the nervousness in Talia’s expression fades a little. Her mouth twists to the side, eyebrows drawing together over her nose.

“Am I gonna see Tulsa?” She asks, hopeful.

“Tulsa’s in the next school, remember, baby?” You reply carefully, hating to burst her bubble. “She moved to a new school too.”

Talia’s lower lip quivers and she sounds impossibly sad when she says, “I thought me and Tulsa were gonna be in school together?”

“Not this year,” you reply sympathetically, but then perk up to continue, “we’re still getting first day of school ice cream with Tulsa and Gunnar and Aunt Holly and Uncle Bo. That���s exciting, right?”

Talia’s eyes light up at the promise of ice cream and you knew that would work. She’s her father’s daughter when it comes to her sweet tooth.

“And you and Daddy, right?” She asks, leaning up in her knees on the stool, little palms pressed flat against the countertop.

“And me and Daddy,” you confirm. “We’re even bringing you to school in the morning, before Daddy goes to work.”

“Okay,” Talia nods once, decisive, and her mood about starting kindergarten is all but gone. “Mommy, can I have fishies for a snack tomorrow?”

You move around the kitchen, gathering up the components for her lunch, “sure, love bug, you can have fishies.” The snack-sized packet of Goldfish get tossed into her lunchbox, along with a handful of raspberries, a peeled Cutie, exactly five pretzel twists, a Nutella and peanut butter sandwich cut into stars, and a small water bottle. Now that she’s into it, Talia’s definitely got opinions on what should be included with her lunch.

“No, you can’t take seven cheese sticks,” you sigh, pulling the bag out of her hands and replacing it in the fridge before shutting the door. “I’ll give you one.”

“But I want six!” She yelps, hanging from the fridge handle. “I want six!”

“Six what?” Mat’s voice echoes through the kitchen, the back door closing behind him.

“Daddy!” Talia squeals and makes a beeline for his knees, crashing into them with a muffled grunt from Mat. He holds the pizza box high over her head in one hand and rubs at her head with the other. “Mommy won’t let me have six cheese sticks.”

Mat grins at you over Talia’s head and you roll your eyes back, crossing your arms and leaning a hip against the counter. You wait to see how he’ll handle it.

He slides the pizza box onto the counter and hoists Talia up next to it, leaning his palms on the counter and kissing her cheeks until she giggles. “Mommy is always right, Talia Bee,” he says seriously. “Especially when it comes to knowing how many string cheeses you can eat.”

You smile to yourself, turning to the cabinets to get out plates and glasses for dinner. Mat keeps talking to Talia behind you. “Besides, the last time you ate three string cheeses you puked on my sneakers, what do you think six would do?”

“Uhhh,” Talia’s eyes go wide and she cradles Mat’s face in her little hands, “puke six times?”

You and Mat wrinkle your faces into matching expressions of disgust. “Yeah, we don’t want to do that, right?” Mat laughs, tickling Talia until she shrieks for him to stop.

Before Talia can knock into it, you slide the pizza box out of her reach, warmth filling your stomach at how adorable Mat and Talia are together. Every time you see them, with their dark heads bent together conspiring, your heart lurches with love. Having a family with Mat is all you’ve wanted since you’d seen him around his teammates’ kids.

“Daddy?” Talia pipes up a few minutes later, half-chewed pizza in her mouth.

“Swallow first, please,” you remind her, snagging the green peppers off of Mat’s slice. You have no idea when he even orders with green peppers when you’re the only one who likes them.

Talia chews and quickly swallows while Mat waits with a soft smile on his face. “Can I wear my helmet to school?” She props her chin on her fists and grins charmingly at you both. Her hockey helmet is covered in stickers and glitter, a project with Mat that you hadn’t been privy to before it happened. She’s really easy to spot on the ice during her skating lessons though.

Mat grins at your daughter, clearly delighted at the prospect of her walking into her classroom with the decorated helmet on, but he shakes his head a little. “I think your helmet is better left on the rink, TB. Didn’t you and Mommy pick out a dress?”

You casually slide a few carrot sticks on her plate, mentally fist pumping when she grabs one and absently starts chewing on it. “Yeah, baby,” you chime in, “I thought you liked the dress we picked? With the blue stripes and your fancy heels?”

Talia’s fancy heels are a regular old pair of sandals with a twisted knot over the toes and an ankle strap, but they also have a quarter of an inch thick sole by the heel and so, they’re “fancy heels.”

“Oh yeah,” Talia nods. “I forgot. Can I bring Sparky?”

“Sure you can,” you agree. “But he has to stay in your backpack, okay? We don’t want him getting lost.”

“And maybe,” she plucks her fingers at the crust of her pizza, “maybe I can take Daddy’s hat. And maybe my sparkle jacket?” Nerves creep into her voice and it wavers a bit, making your heart clench painfully. You just want to protect her from all the bad feelings.

Mat reaches out to tug at the end of her braid, “you can take my hat in your backpack too.” His lips twist up to the side a little, concerned about Talia’s nerves.

“And you can wear your sparkle jacket over your dress,” you promise. Mat’s Stanley Cup Champion hat and Talia’s customised playoff denim jacket had been staples in her wardrobe all summer and you’re not surprised that she wants to bring both with her to school as comfort items.

Talia beams and Mat slings his arm over the back of your chair, relaxing now that Talia’s happy again. “How about you finish that pizza and we get in a little park time?” He suggests, laugh echoing around the kitchen when Talia jumps up on her chair to start chanting about the park.

After clearing up dinner and wrapping the leftover pizza up, the three of you head out to the park, Talia zipping ahead of you on her little pink bike. Mat links his fingers with yours and you squeeze his hand gently.

“She’s getting so big,” he comments sadly, his lips turning down in a frown. You look up at his side profile, studying the way his eyes never leave Talia for a second. Your heart flips in your chest, a painful lurch when you think about how you should be holding another baby right now, how you want so badly to give Talia younger siblings. Mat looks down at you and squeezes your hand tightly, drawing you away from the negative thought spiral. His lips twitch, like he’s trying not to smile and you know he’s about to say something out of pocket to lift your mood. You wait and sure enough, he says, with a little twinkle in his eye, “maybe we should homeschool her?”

A laugh bubbles out of your chest, the absurdity of his question slash suggestion easing the knot in your chest.

“Mat, baby,” you giggle at him, “you have a high school education and I can’t do math. It took all of my brain power and patience to teach her how to read and write.”

“Okay, homeschooling is out,” he replies, leaning in to give you a quick peck before running off to the swings, where Talia is calling for him to push her. She still has her helmet on and it’s tipping just a little bit over her eyes. Mat’s behind her in an instant, sending the swing higher and higher into the air. You reach Talia’s bike and set it upright, sitting on the seat and watching your two favorite people in the whole world laugh together.

A warm early September breeze ruffles your hair and you wave when Talia shrieks for you to watch how high she’s going. You want to live in this moment forever and commit every detail to memory.

Mat spends the next forty-five minutes chasing Talia around the park, wearing her out enough that bath time is a breeze and she slips under her covers with little argument. You and Mat pile into her bed too and Talia curls up against your side, yawning widely. Mat reads Madeline, voice getting quieter and quieter as Talia nods off, until he’s stopped reading altogether and her mouth hangs open, face slack in sleep.

“Sleep tight, love bug,” you whisper, kissing the top of her head before easing out from under her arm. Mat helps, holding your waist and keeping you steady as you get to your feet. He plants his own kiss on Talia’s forehead and clicks off the bedside lamp and turns on the nightlight before following you out of the room.

A sort of bittersweet mood traps you and Mat while you get ready for bed later. You know she’s ready for school, ready to make new friends and learn, but it’s hard to know that your tiny best friend is going to be out of your sight for eight hours a day now.

“She’s going to kill it,” Mat says, opening his arms for you to cuddle close. You rest your cheek over his heart, arms wrapped around his waist.

“I know,” you sigh. Your legs tangle with Mat’s under the covers. “What am I going to do with my day now?”

“Bottomless brunches and window shopping at the Americana,” Mat teases, kissing the crown of your head.

You tuck yourself even closer to him, soaking up his body warmth. “Oh ha,” you drawl. “Very funny.”

“It’s why you married me,” Mat chirps and you know he’s grinning without even having to look at him.

“Mhm,” you hum. “Definitely not for your big….wallet.”

You giggle and Mat groans, training his fingers up and down your spine, making you shiver. “That was even worse than mine, Squeaks,” he mutters.

“Guess your terrible sense of humor is rubbing off on me,” you snark, kissing Mat’s chest and closing your eyes. He mutters something under his breath, but his heartbeat is steady in your ear and you’re asleep before you know it.

The next morning is harder than you expected, emotion clogging your throat as you get a special breakfast - Mickey Mouse shaped pancakes, bacon, and fruit cut into different shapes - ready for Talia while Mat helps her get dressed.

He’s surprisingly adept at doing her hair, a high ponytail braided and tied off. There’s a big white bow at the top of her ponytail and her smile is huge as she spins in the little blue and white striped sundress.

“I love this dress, Mommy,” she beams, wiggling excitedly while you tuck a napkin into her collar to keep her clean.

“You look like a princess,” you compliment her. “Daddy did a really good job with your hair.”

“Thank you,” Mat wiggles his eyebrows and sits down to his own plate of Mickey pancakes.

Talia looks at you with wide eyes and covers her mouth with both hands while she tries to whisper, “Daddy messed up soooo many times.”

Mat’s lips flatten into a straight line and he looks at Talia with sarcasm written plainly on his features. “Gee, thanks, TB. I thought we agreed not to tell Mommy that?”

Talia shrugs at him and returns to her breakfast, humming happily under her breath. You smile at Mat and lean over the counter to kiss him gently, darting your tongue out to lick up a drop of maple syrup on his lower lip. “I still think you’re pretty impressive,” you whisper against his lips.

Mat grins against your lips and Talia makes a fake gagging sound, “kissing’s gross!”

You pull back from Mat with a laugh and point your fork at your daughter. “You won’t always think that, now finish breakfast. You don’t want to be late for your first day, do you?”

Talia shovels another bite of pancake into her mouth, slightly less enthusiastic, and you kiss the top of her head before going into the front hall to find her backpack to make sure everything is packed up. It’s heavy, full of fresh supplies (including a 64-pack of Crayola crayons with Talia’s initials Sharpied onto each individual crayon, a fit of mania from Mat, because “no one is going to try and snake my baby’s crayons from her!”), the Disney Princess beach towel that’ll be used for nap time, and one of Mat’s old button downs that’ll be used for a smock during art class.

You zip the backpack and settle it back against the wall, swallowing the emotion clogging your throat. Seeing all of Talia’s gear packed up is making everything so much more real.

Mat’s hands on your hips startle you a little, and you jolt back against his chest. “Penny for your thoughts?” He mutters, kissing your cheek. His palms are warm on your sides, fingers splayed towards your belly button.

“Just thinking about how it seems like time is moving so fast,” you sigh.

Mat nods against your neck and mumbles into your skin, “can we get serious about trying for another again? I miss the baby years.”

Your heart beats in triple speed in your chest, anxiety flooding your veins, but you nod, whisper, “yes, definitely. I want another baby, Mat.”

The conversation is halted when Talia comes stampeding into the hallway, twirling around. “Mommy! Can I wear your lipstick?” She clasps her hands under her chin and pouts adorably. You should resist, tell her no and swipe on a little of the Pink Sugar Summer Fridays lip balm that she loves instead, but you find yourself nodding and pulling away from Mat to grab your purse off the hook.

“Sure, baby,” you squat in front of her, digging out the well-loved tube of Black Honey from the bottom of your purse. Talia puckers her lips out in a kiss and you swipe on a little bit of the sheer balm.

Twenty minutes later and running slightly behind schedule, after you make Talia pose for a few pictures with her Back to School board and she insists on Mat sitting on the step next to her for a picture, you’re all buckled into Mat’s car for the quick drive to the primary school. Talia’s swinging her feet in her booster seat, smiling happily now that she’s wearing the red cowboy boots Aunt Liana had brought back as a souvenir from her trip to Nashville over the summer instead of the sandals you initially wanted her to wear.

“Mommy,” Talia sing-songs, “I’m hot.”

“The air conditioning is on, T,” you sigh, rubbing at your temple. You know she’s probably hot because of the boots and the denim jacket she’d insisted on wearing. Her sandals are in your tote bag and all she has to do is ask for them, but a stubborn streak runs through your daughter, inherited directly from both you and Mat.

You can see the side of Mat’s lips tick up out of the corner of your eye, his fingers tapping along on the steering wheel as Justin Bieber plays on the radio - the old-school throwback station, which makes you feel ancient. He looks at Talia in the rear view mirror and says casually, “I bet you’d feel better if you let Mommy give you the sandals.”

Talia’s face crinkles up in disgust. “I don’t want the sandals. I wanna wear my Mashpill boots.”

A little giggle bubbles up in your chest, it’s getting rarer that Talia mispronounces a word, so you’re living for the Nashville/Mashpill mistake.

“The sandals won’t be as hot,” Mat says, and then, laughing, adds, “plus your feet won’t stink!”

“My feet don’t stink!” Talia gasps, outraged. She shoots back, shouting, “your feet stink!”

You laugh and Mat mock-glares at you. You give him an innocent smile, teasing, “keep your eyes on the road, dear.”

Mat scoffs at you, rolling his eyes even as a full smile graces his lips. Talia’s still chanting in the back about stinky feet, at the right age for the silly humor. Mat reaches out and rests his hand on your thigh, letting his fingertips drift up under the hem of the linen dress you’re wearing. The pads of his fingers dance lightly over the sensitive skin of your inner thigh and you shiver a little, goosebumps rising on your arms. Mat’s smile turns smug and he taps the volume button on the steering wheel with his other hand, singing along loudly to the Billy Joel song now playing. Talia’s little voice chimes in from the back seat with her made up lyrics, and by the second verse, you’ve joined in for the three-part harmony.

Mat pulls the car up to the curb outside of the school, parking behind a line of SUVs before turning the car off and pocketing his keys.

“Ready, T?” You turn around in your seat, smiling widely at her.

She sighs and kicks her feet up at you. “Mommy, can I have my sandals?”

Your smile softens and you nod, reaching behind you for the tote resting at your feet. “Sure can, baby. I think you’ll be more comfortable this way,” you reply, getting out of the front seat so you can open Talia’s door and change out her shoes before she hops out of her booster seat. Mat’s already out on the sidewalk, holding her little pink backpack in one hand.

He looks like such a stereotypical dad in his dark jeans and navy polo, hair scraped back off his forehead and slightly beat up sneakers. The little pink backpack just makes him even hotter and you can’t help but stare. When Mat catches you looking, he gives you a slow smirk and a quick wink, holding his hand out for Talia to take.

She grabs his hand with her free one and lifts her feet off the ground without warning, swinging between you and Mat. Your arm nearly pulls out of its socket and your heart skips a quick beat, but Talia giggles and you love that she feels safe enough to do that. Mat swings his arm, sending Talia forward and eliciting even more giggles.

“Maybe we can just skip school and go to the park?” Talia asks, planting her feet back on the ground and squinting up at the school. It’s a cute little square brick building, kindergarten and first grade classrooms on the outside of the hallways and glass windows looking in on a courtyard. The ceilings are lower inside to make it more welcoming to the kids and Mat can brush the ceiling tiles with his fingertips when he stretches his arm over his head - something he had learned during the open house a few weeks ago.

But from the way Talia’s looking at the building now you’d think she was standing in front of Hogwarts.

At the same time you open your mouth to suggest going to the park after school, Mat pipes up and says, “that’s a good idea, TB. You don’t need to go to school, you can just stay home with Mommy.”

“Mat!” You hiss at him over Talia’s head and he cocks his head at you, barely looking apologetic.

“What?” He mutters back. “It’s an option.”

“It’s not!” You say, at the same time Talia says, “I wanna stay with Mommy.”

You glare at him, hoping your expression conveys the exact levels of ‘see what you did?’ that you’re feeling. Mat’s mouth curls in a sheepish expression and you can see his hand tighten around Talia’s, like he’s not going to let her into the school. Before any of the three of you can say anything, you spot a tall older woman striding down the path towards your little group. You recognize her as the principal and are bracing yourself for the absolute hysterics that Talia is sometimes prone to.

“Hi Talia,” she smiles, bending a little at the waist so she can be at eye level with your daughter, “I’m Mrs. Seaver, the principal. Do you remember meeting me at open house?”

Talia nods, totally mute, her fingers tightening around yours. Your hear squeezes a little for her, nearly ready to break down and bring her home, like Mat had suggested.

“Why don’t you come with me and we can get you settled in your classroom?” Mrs. Seaver continues, somehow managing to get Talia’s hand and backpack away from Mat and starts walking her back up the path to the school. “Your mom and dad will be so excited to hear all about what exciting things you got up to today.”

Talia looks back at you over her shoulder, an apprehensive look on her face. Mat makes a move to step forward and follow them, but you reach out to lace your fingers with his, tugging him back gently. “We literally cannot keep her from going to school,” you whisper, pasting a bright smile on your face and waving at her with your free hand.

Mat looks constipated and you nudge him with the back of your hand, muttering, “smile,” until he manages something halfway decent.

“She’s just a baby,” he says out of the corner of his mouth, waving like a robot. “She shouldn’t be old enough for school.”

You sniffle a little, watching the door shut behind Talia and the principal, your hand dropping from the air. “I don’t understand how time went so fast,” you hiccup, tears building at your lash line. Anxiety starts to churn in your stomach. “Maybe you’re right, maybe we should keep her home another year.”

“Oh, whoa,” Mat wraps an arm around your shoulders and pulls you to his chest so he can hug you tightly. “We definitely need to distract you, if you’re starting to agree with me.”

He laughs and you manage a weak giggle against his shoulder. Mat’s hands are warm against your back and you melt into him. “I’m going to miss having my little sidekick around,” you confess, suddenly exhausted from holding it together. Other than a few hours a week at pre-k, Talia’s been by your side practically every second since birth.

Mat drops a kiss to the top of your head, “I’ve got a couple of hours before I have to hit the gym, why don’t we go home and make you a new sidekick?”

You can hear the grin in his voice and you pull back from his chest, looking up at him with wide eyes. “Don’t tease me, Mat,” you murmur, heart pounding wildly. He’d said about trying again earlier, but you weren’t really sure if he was serious.

“Not teasing you, Squeaks,” he replies, the familiar nickname falling from his lips warmly. At this point, he uses it more than your given name, the curse of those damn Nikes. Mat grips your chin in between his thumb and index finger and tilts it up a little more so he can bend his head and kiss you sweetly. “Let’s give it another try and if…well, if not, we can look more into surrogacy again.”

Your head bobbles a nod and your heart swoops a little in your chest, the excited/nervous fizz of Mat’s words making you feel a little dizzy. Baby making is a land mine sometimes for your brain, but right now all you know is that everything in your body is screaming for your husband to give you another baby.

Mat’s grip on your chin tightens briefly and he kisses you again, lacing your fingers with his to drag you back to the car. You skip along behind him, laughter fighting to escape your lips.

“Should we make this one in the bedroom?” Mat teases, holding open the door for you. His hazel eyes twinkle with mischief. “Or in the shower like T?”

A flush works its way up over your chest and face, your entire body going hot. Mat laughs at the expression on your face and you mutter, “we don’t know it was the shower.”

“Right, could’ve been the back seat of the car or the couch or in Bo’s bathroom,” Mat’s eyes dance, his smile wide and shit-eating.

You can’t help but smile back at him, electric delight working its way through your veins.

[transvampireboyfriend]

@steddie-week day 3: discover + first kiss

"There you are!" Eddie says, like he's been looking for him everywhere, his face even lighting up as he enters the kitchen.

"Here I am." Steve shoots back.

Steve's sure that he's wearing a similar expression. He missed him.

After Eddie and Robin graduated, Eddie took a job at a local auto shop while Robin and Steve took jobs at the library and filled out college applications.

During that time the three of them had gotten really close, talking each other through tough times and celebrating what they achieved together.

Steve moved with Robin to start school at the beginning of this year and Eddie stayed with his uncle, still figuring out what he wanted to do with his future.

So, this is the first time they've been apart for months since they met, and Steve did not anticipate how much he would need to see him, to hear him.

The phone doesn't do his voice justice.

Steve puts the dough down to wipe the flour off his hands, but his eyes never leave Eddie as he drops his tote bag on a stool across from Steve.

"Can't believe they left you here with all the work, man" Eddie laments, shaking his head and walking around the kitchen island to where Steve is.

Steve's heart beats oddly fast in his chest as he huffs a small laugh and tries to figure out if a hug is okay in the split second before Eddie pulls him into his arms.

Steve wraps his arms around him and rests his chin on Eddie's shoulder, relieved.

"I don't mind" Steve murmurs, about making the pizza while the kids catch up with Robin and Nancy in the living room.

Eddie chuckles, softly claps his back and pulls away to grab Steve's shoulders instead

"Of course you don't" he says, with mirth in his eyes "How are you, Stevie?" he asks, his head tilting to the side and his dimples showing.

"Hi" Steve says to those dimples he hadn't seen in so long "I mean- good. I'm good" Steve smiles, genuinely delighted. "How are you? How was the drive?" Steve asks

"Ugh, it was hell!" Eddie slumps a little when he says it, his exhaustion evident "but I'm good!" he assures, "you know what I need?"

Steve shakes his head no "What?"

"To help you make like seven pizzas right now," Eddie answers, squeezing Steve's shoulders before letting go. "Where do you need me?"

That's a question.

It's not like Steve hadn't notice his crush on Eddie before he moved away, but he was kind of ignoring it, or at least trying to for the sake of their friendship.

Clicking with someone the way he did with Eddie was rare for him, he didn't wanna risk losing that, especially after so many failed dates; Steve was just kinda over the whole thing.

And Eddie never showed anything more than friendly affection so, really, it was the right thing to do to just, pretend like Eddie's eyes weren't the only thing he could think of when the sun first filtered through his windows.

And he'd thought it would go away in time, and then with so many miles between them.

But here he is again, asking how he can help Steve cook pizza for their friends and Steve kinda wants to cry a bit, because no, of course it wouldn't go away.

If anything it seems distance has made it worse, Steve feels intoxicated by the smell of cigarettes and pine trees.

"Um, there's two in the oven" Steve points out, "and everything's already chopped up, I guess you can help me put the toppings on these next two?" Steve suggests, going back to knead two more bases out of the dough he left on the island countertop.

"Yessir!" Eddie salutes, walking back to rummage in his tote. "I brought brownies for dessert," Eddie offers, bringing out the container "totally safe." he assures.

"I have ice cream too, which I assume im putting there?" Eddie asks, pointing to the refrigerator behind Steve, Steve nods.

Eddie brings out the tub of ice cream and spots something else in his bag "oh and I had olives!" he places an olives jar on the table before walking towards the fridge.

"I thought you didn't like olives" Steve comments

Eddie sticks his head in their freezer and answers "oh, I don't mind them"

Steve fully turns to him with a confused frown "no, i remember you specifically requesting no olives in our pizza for the past, like, year"

Eddie's making space in their freezer, moving things around. He casually says "that's because you don't like them, Stevie" and continues his task like what he just said has no significance at all.

Steve blinks, feels stuck to where he's standing.

Steve had mentioned he doesn't like olives maybe a week after the whole upside down business, when the kids had been at Dustin's and Claudia had offered him salad during dinner, which he politely refused, because it had olives.

Eddie was there, they had all been working on characters for their next campaign and stayed for dinner. Steve had only dropped by to deliver a book Dustin left in his car, and Claudia invited him to stay.

Come to think of it, Eddie had enjoyed that salad just fine.

Steve never mentioned olives again.

And it wouldn't be until a month later that Eddie would first order pizza for them making that specific request.

For Steve.

And it's so silly, it's such a small thing, but all of a sudden a myriad of small things are thrust in Steve's face.

Eddie watching Grease with him, Eddie always knowing how he takes his coffee, Eddie singing along to ABBA in Steve's car, Eddie complimenting the jacket everyone said made him look dorky, Eddie keeping a Tears For Fears tape in his car, Eddie using one of his sick days to help him pack the stuff in his room, Eddie memorizing his schedule and calling him multiple times a week for the past few months exactly when he knew Steve would be home and bored without Robin.

It's like someone lifts a veil off his eyes.

Steve's watched Friday the 13th five times and would watch it again if it was with Eddie, he knows Eddie takes his coffee with a frankly concerning amount of sugar, there's a Black Sabbath record in his room right now!

He's never put in this type of effort with friends before! They either have similar tastes already or Steve doesn't feel the need to match them anyways.

It's different with Eddie, it's like he wants to be connected to him somehow, make sure they're close.

He didn't know Robin liked tea until they moved in together! He knows Eddie categorically refuses to try tea in any form. And actually, his uncle got him thinking about it and he's considering to change that, Eddie told him about it last Thursday while Robin was at band practice.

He's never tried somebody else's music without them asking for it, he's never volunteered to watch a horror movie, he's never worn clothes he thought wouldn't fit his style, he's only ever done that with

"Eddie" he says out loud, it comes out a little breathless but Eddie doesn't seem to notice.

"Hmm?" he acknowledges, finally placing the ice cream in the freezer and Steve catches a glimpse of it as Eddie shuts the freezer door.

He turns to Steve and raises his eyebrows.

"Was that cookies and cream?" Steve asks

"Mhm. Yep" Eddie confirms

"Why'd you buy that one?" Steve wants to know.

Eddie shrugs " 'Cause it's your favorite" he answers, easy.

So easy. Like he didn't even consider any other flavor.

"Why did you buy my favorite ice cream, Eddie?" Steve insists,

Eddie splutters "I- I um, I mean do you not-?" he trails off and looks at Steve's posture, the way he hasn't moved a hair in the last couple of moments must click then. His eyes trail up to meet Steve's again and realization dawns on his face.

"Holy shit, Steve. You didn't know?"

"What?! What do you mean I didn't know? Who knew?!"

"I-! um, everyone? I'm not exactly subt-"

"oh my god!"

Steve can feel the blood warming his face and ears and it seems to spring Eddie back into action.

"I mean! Clearly not everyone knew! You didn't know!" he says walking over to him and running his hands up and down Steve's arms "pfft, practically no one knew!"

"Eddie" Steve wants to laugh but he's afraid he might burst into tears.

"I thought you knew" Eddie says in the smallest voice he's used so far, his hands stilling.

"I'm sorry" Steve says,

"No!" Eddie protests, his hands coming up to grab Steve's face "No, sweetheart, you have nothing to be sorry about"

Steve scoffs,

"Of course you didn't know!" Eddie continues "I never told you!" his hands caress Steve's cheeks and Steve thinks his knees might give out.

"So, I'm telling you now" Eddie says, determined. He takes a deep breath.

He looks into Steve's eyes and says "Steve, I am crazy about you. Not a day has gone by since the eighth fucking grade where I haven't thought about you. And since last year, it has been nothing but good things. I promise"

Steve snorts a laugh at that, his hands coming up to hold on to Eddie's wrists as they both shake with soft laughter.

"You have the most beautiful smile i have ever seen in my life" Eddie goes on. "You are the bravest, kindest, most badass person I know, your hair is a fucking miracle and your eyes. god, your eyes. i have tried to find something that even remotely gets close to the color of your eyes and I can't, and I've resigned myself to never finding it because even an exact match would not make me feel the way your eyes do. Because they're very pretty, but it's not about the color. It's just the fact that you're looking at me"

"God, Eddie" Steve sniffles, not sure what to even do with all the happiness inside of him.

Eddie scoffs a soft laugh "Seeing you happy makes me very happy." he explains "So i try to do little things that'll help that happen. That's why I bought your favorite ice cream, Stevie"

Steve smiles at him and rubs circles against his wrists.

Eddie, seemingly unable to stop talking says "it's selfish really, if you think abo-"

"I'm gonna kiss you now" Steve tells him

"Oh, oka-mmph"

Eddie's lips are soft and gentle and Steve has to coax him into being less tentative but once he does, Eddie kisses him insistently, never letting Steve get too far away, like he can't get enough of Steve. It makes Steve's heart flutter in his chest.

When they finally come up for breath Steve tells him "I can't believe you like olives" trailing his hands down his sides.

Eddie laughs, Steve loves that sound.

"I can stop" Eddie reminds him, placing a peck against Steve's smile.

"And I don't like them" he continues "i just don't mind 'em"

Steve hums a disapproving tone but still leans in for another small kiss.

"I only brought them in case anyone wanted them! they were left over I swear" Eddie excuses against his lips. Steve giggles, his hands now on Eddie's waist, toying with his chains.

"You look good today" Steve tells him

"Oh?"

"Smell good too." Steve says, nosing his cheek. Eddie shivers.

"Always do" Steve clarifies, his mouth coming back to kiss Eddie softly as his hands trail up to play with strands of his hair.

"Your hair's so soft" Steve continues "and pretty. You're pretty"

It makes Eddie blush and Steve grins, delighted by what he achieved.

"And you're brave too Eds, and badass, and cool and fun" Steve smiles when Eddie scoffs but once he sobers up he continues "And I think your eyes are prettier than rays of sunshine." Steve tells him "And I think I'd do anything for you" he adds.

Before he can register the way Eddie's looking at him, Steve's being kissed again with an assuredness that makes him sigh.

The only thing that parts them is the oven timer dinging and even then, Steve has to threaten Eddie with no pizza if he doesn't let Steve go.

Steve doesn't think he's ever been happier.

[sweet1delusi0ns]

Naruto boys random headcanons──☆*:・ﾟ

Sfw

Characters: Naruto🦊,sasuke🗡️,Itachi🥀, kakashi🍃, kiba🐺, shikamaru🀄️,shino🪲,neji🎋,Lee🥋,choji🍥,gaara⏳,kankuro🪆

Naruto🦊-*

Hes lazy at home. Not because he’s tired he just wants you to take care of him, but when you call him a baby for all these requests he gets mad “I AM NOT A BABY! I AM A GROWN MAN! NOW SPOON FEED ME!”

He tries to prank you but fails, your too smart to fall for it. He always tries to trip you in public while walking and every time he is the one on the floor and your the one laughing some how-

He likes the idea of drawing and being an artist he just can’t draw. He can only draw stick people with different hair, one time he tried to draw you, gave up and instead gave you a picture of a stick person with your hair. It’s now on the fridge LOL

He tries to act cool around his friend with you but just makes a fool of himself. “Yeah this my bae so what?” “Yeah I’m his bae and he’s my baby, my big, soft, smiley baby!” His soul is now crushed and his friends all laughing

He sleeps like a ANIMAL. he full on can’t sleep normally, You both go to bed the same time, one of you is always gunna wake up on the floor, mostly you. Then he wakes up like “why you on the floor?”

Sasuke🗡️-*

He may seem cool but he gets very flustered. He doesn’t cover his face though he just closes his eyes so he doesn’t get more flustered and so he can ignore the fact that he is red

He CANT Dance, don’t EVER take him dancing. It’s not because he’s bad at dancing he just never learn. If there is music he will bop his head to the beat though, if you try to get him to dance he will freak out and freeze. He just doesn’t like it ok!

His waist is weirdly sensitive, you could barely touch his waist and he will start giggling. He isn’t ticklish anywhere else but if you take a feather to his waist he will start LAUGHING

He will kick your feet when he wants attention. If you guys are out to dinner with friends he will kick you under the table to get your attention, he thinks it’s funny until you fight back and stomp on his foot. He made you kiss his pain away at home, atleast he got attention LOL

He forgets the silliest things one time he forgot how to tie a knot so anything he needs to tie like his clothes or shoes you had to do for him. You don’t know if he actually forgot or if he just wanted to be babied-

Itachi🥀-*

He can’t handle heatwaves. If it’s over 90 degrees he’s gone for. One time you woke up on a heat wave morning waiting for him to wake up and walk out but he never did, you went to find him and he was in bed, sprawled out, shirt and covers off soaked in sweat. You had to rub ice on him to get him conscious -

Unlike naruto, he likes drawing and can ACTUALLY DRAW, although he can only draw plants but he doesn’t mind he likes plants! He will draw you flowers instead of buying you some which is like equally as cute~

He has very sensitive eyes. Like how he can’t handle heat he cant handle the sun either. If it isn’t cloudy he will have to squint to keep his eyes from hurting. When you told him to wear sun glasses he said “I still want to see you clearly though love…”

He’s not a big fan of skin care but he likes those face roller things. He bought one just so you could use it on him, he likes that it’s cold but also massaging!

He sneezes like a girl- he has the cutest, most petite sneeze you’ve ever heard out of a man which is cute and very funny. He doesn’t even realize it either “a-choo!” “That was crazy out of character” “huh?”

Kakashi🍃-*

He’s allergic to cats, he likes cats sure but he never hangs around them because he’s allergic. You didn’t know that and one day you brought a stray inside and he instantly turned puffy (poor thing)

Once he gets home and discards the mask he puts lip tint on. He has pink lips for that reason. When he first puts it on he will find you and kiss you just to leave a mark before waiting 10 minutes then whipping it off

He needs reading glasses but never uses them, then complains to you when he gets a headache as if you didn’t tell him to put them on

He takes a lot of baths. If he showers it bound to end up a bath. And he doesn’t care if your using the bathroom if he wants a bath he’s gunna make a god Danm bath. One time You were just washing your face and he busted in the door and ran to the bathtub, You washed your face as fast as you could-

He is EXTREMELY tired when he first wakes up, he doesn’t move for like 20 minutes so if he needs to get up and do stuff your gunna have to make him, like actually you’ll have the carry him out of bed.

Kiba🐺-*

He bites his nails from stress so you have made it a habit to smack his hand away when he does. It worked since all you have to do is tap him softly and he will stop. He’s so glad you help him get over bad habits

He decorated akamarus ears when he’s bored, one time you walk in on him giggling like a little girl and akamarus ears were pulled together in a little ponytail! You joined in on the fun🤞

He comes back from a casual walk along a complete mess, you have no idea how but one day he came back with half a bush stuck on his leg. He always cleans up though!

He sometimes transforms akamaru into himself to prank his friends or you, mostly you. One time akamaru came up to you as Kiba and started licking your face “EW OH MY GOD?!” “AUUFF AUF!” “KIBA YOUR NOT FUNNY”

He always has tan cheeks and nose. Compared to the rest of his face, his cheeks are cute and golden!

Shikamaru🀄️-*

He lets you win at intelligents based games to make you feel better. Except one time he actually tried and lost. He’s convinced you cheated

His hair is straight but gets very frizzy if not cared for. (You care for it since he’s lazyy)

He draws on himself when bored, mostly just trippy designs like swirls and stuff. Will also let you draw on him, only if your good tho he doesn’t want “bad drawing” on him😔

He has a box FULL of hair ties and will notice if you take one. “This one you literally stole from me?” “Don’t care put it back!!!”

He gets Freezingly cold at night, like really really cold. When he snuggles up to you to warm up you could feel how cold he really is and you don’t understand how since you are both under covers-

Shino🪲-*

He keeps bugs in the house so they can watch over anything, they are basically his security cameras-

His hair is so cute and wavy! Also gets very frizzy because of the texture like Shika. He also makes you take care of it, he just really likes you touching his hair

He gives you bugs as gifts, not like freaky beetles but cute little bugs like lady bugs or fuzzy green caterpillars. You find it cute that he gives you things that mean so much to him

He shockingly has a sensitive neck, only to you though. Bugs can crawl all over it and he doesn’t move but if you try to kiss it he gets chills. Also shockingly he has really soft skin idk maybe he sheds skin (IM JOKING)

When he gets home and can finally undress he lets you take his glasses off since you love his eyes and he loves that you love them. He gets insecure about it sometimes!

Neji🎋-*

He speak really highly and intelligently but he’s honestly a little dumb sometimes, or maybe he’s just dumb with you to be silly we don’t know

The only jewelry he really wears is an ankle bracelet you got him

He loves hair charms, he likes decorating his hair! He likes putting clips and braids in it, sometimes even put color streaks in it if he wants to be festive

He really likes pottery and making things out of clay, he’s very creative and he finds clay the perfect outlet. He even makes pots for you!

He has a flower garden that NO ONE is allowed in. He treats them like they’re his baby’s, because they are! He’s favorite plant he has is his cactuses.

Lee🥋-*

He’s extremely energetic and powerful yet he has asthma, he denies it. But if it’s really hot outside he runs out of breath REALLY fast which makes you worry

He’s scared of spiders you kill the spiders for him or he runs! If you trap a spider and chase him with it he will almost start crying (he will start crying) he’s ashamed to admit spiders are his weakness

He wears mascara, he gotta make them lashes voluminous yk. He stole his mascara from tenten too. You made him give it back to her and bought him his own

It’s pretty obvious but he is FLEXIBLE! Backbend, splits anything he can do. You thought he broke his spine onces-

He’s not much of a plant guy but he has the TINIEST succulent in your room that he cares for, every other plant he has had died but not that one~

Choji🍥-*

He loves finger painting and is actually really good at it, you’d think it was made by a professional and an actual paint brush but no it was Choji and his finger paint😭

His hair is so thick most hair ties he uses break. He has to use hair needles instead because it’s the only thing that holds if he wants his hair up for a while

He thinks pillow fights are actually entertaining he could have a pillow fight with you all day and never get bored. He goes crazy if he’s over at someone’s house and they suggest pillow fights!

He loves bath bombs!!! He basically died when you run him a bath and put bath bombs in it, his favorite scent it lavender. Even if you didn’t add a bath bomb he loves when you make him baths he thinks its adorable

He paints your cheeks like his in your sleep, that’s his idea of a prank even though it’s basically him just being a cutie “look now your like me y/n!!”

Gaara⏳-*

He turns the black rings around his eyes to cat eyes sometimes. He looks ADORABLE with cat eyes. He sometimes even uses eye shadow too, if he can’t change it he thought might as well make it look cutee

He’s scared of mosquitos, he just doesn’t like bugs that can fly and go after human blood it freaks him out

He wears one of those scent bracelets and puts your signature scent in it so he always smells like you~

He gifts you plants all the time

He collect the silliest things, there are these cute little cat charms at a near by store and he’s working on collecting them all!

Kankuro🪆-*

Shockingly he really likes reading. He likes fiction books the most, he asks you for suggestions

He asks you what new make up design he should try, sometimes he just gives you the brush and lets you go wild. But you always make him look cute~

He fidgets with the ears on his hat when he’s bored. It rubbed off on you so now if he’s around you with his hat on you start messing with them-

He steals your clothes and hides them so you have no choice but to ask to use his for the day. After the day is over he comes up to you smiling and hands you your missing clothes “found em!” “By found em do you mean took them out of the hiding spot?” “Yeah-”

He paints his nails either black, pink or purple. He also lets you paint them, it honestly just ends up a mess. He would totally whip nail polishes on your nose~

[martyfive]

i lay in bed sick for two weeks straight. first there’s body temperature i never knew was possible for a human to have, then there are coughs that feel like they may be the last ones i could ever have in my life, then there’s weakness, then my five year old phone falls down from the bed ending up completely broken, then the bed sheets become something i couldn’t bear to see anymore. then i get up, go outside and unexpectedly find myself at the offer of a somewhat steady part job at this small italian restaurant we’ve been visiting every sunday sharp for the last year and a half except for these two weeks i spent lying sick in bed. we are leaving the bar for the night when R. asks me if i’d like to help her at the bar a couple hours a week.

“i have no experience or anything,” i say, feeling extremely daft. “i’m not even sure i can talk to people properly. i never really could.”

“it’s okay,” she says. “you’ll be polishing the glasses. it’s not hard. i’ll teach you everything.”

on our way home A. says, “it could be good for you, you know. being among people and trying something new,” and i feel like he’s right.

at this point this small restaurant already feels like another home i want to belong to. going there every sunday for so long totally helped with that. they have one of my works i gave them as a present for christmas on the wall. it hangs up above the table me and A. occupied the first time we ever came to eat there. the frame contains pages from a sketchbook i used to draw in while visiting italy five years ago. it feels too personal, but also somehow on it’s place. i hate to hoard the stuff i create. i want to be bolder.

regretting my life choices, i spend all what’s left from my last year’s salary on a new phone. it’s a first phone i bought without anyone’s help. it costs more than i deserve.

i can’t find any will to start drawing again after being sick for two weeks.

a couple days later i go to the restaurant to ask R. about the time i can get to work. she says, “this thursday, 6:30 pm,” and then adds, tugging on my star wars hoodie, “and put on a black shirt, if you have one”.

so i find one that looks like A. has been wearing it during his teenage years when he looked more like a stick than a human and i go for the job that for the first time in my life has nothing to do with any kind of art except the art of making cocktails i still keep messing up. a couple hours a week somehow soon turns into ten as normally as “polishing glasses” turns into “doing everything there is possible to do as quickly as possible”.

“would you like to do thirty hours a week?” R. asks one day looking hopeful as if i hadn’t broken ten of their glasses in the first five days of work.

“my back is gonna die sooner than you expect it to if i agree to that,” i answer. and it really is the only reason i don’t say yes.

i soon notice there is no time to think of anything else except the work to be done while i am behind the bar once again forgetting the difference between prosecco and chardonnay or picking the ice from the ice machine or freezing in the giant fridge while looking for the specific crate of beer everyone in this town drinks more often than water. the countless amount of crates are brought from and to the back room. the ten glasses are crushed, four of them in my own hands just from squeezing too hard on them. i cringe about every single one of them before falling asleep after coming home around midnight with my aching back and more money than i ever earned drawing pictures. i think about that one time my friend told me that once you start working in catering, there’s no way back. i haven’t talked to her in a while and i can’t ask her if she still thinks it’s true.

i still can’t draw. i guess it will pass. i still cough although i’m trying not to be loud when i’m behind the bar.

“you smoke?” R. asks. “i do. i just don’t have time.”

“i’ve been smoking since i was sixteen. but not anymore really,” i say to that. “when my mother calls me, then i smoke. but that doesn’t happen very often.”

M. laughs at that as if he understands what i’m talking about and says, “with this job, i either smoke a cigarette or kill somebody,” and i laugh with him.

M. is the chef and the restaurant is named after him. he cooks so good there is surely nothing better i’ve ever eaten in my entire life. i hear all about it from guests while picking the dishes from the tables, smiling and pretending my hands are not shaking. he and R. speak to each other in loud italian and i like how they sound even if i only understand a couple words from their dialogues.

“what’s allora?” i ask one time.

R. looks at me like i’m the only one who ever asked her a silly question like that, “huh,” she says, “i don’t know. it’s like here we go or something like that,” and she smiles.

i like talking to her. for some reason i like asking her questions and seeing the surprise on her face. she’s five years older than me but i feel like a child around her. she also has her birthday in november.

“all my family are scorpions,” she says after revealing the fact that there’s ten days between our birthdays. she names at least ten of the members of her family and all their november birthday dates in a row.

i say, “the parties must be hilarious when you all gather together.”

more often i feel like she’s my serious boss i keep disappointing with my every move but at the end of the shifts she turns into what feels more like a friend. i secretly hope i can be her friend one day even though it seems like she knows the name of every human being in this town and even some other nearby towns and doesn’t really need any more friends than she already has. but after all, i’m a part of this town now, too.

“what is your favourite thing to do here here at the bar?” i ask the other day.

she looks puzzled for a second, “maybe serving fish,” she says and this time it’s my turn to feel surprised. i saw how it’s done, and i don’t really know what she means.

“i thought it’s talking to people or something,” i say.

“nah,” she waves her hand, “it’s just my job, you know.”

i regret entering this territory but i still ask, “would you better like to do something else? some other job?”

“nah,” she says again, smiling, “i like it.”

and i like it too. horrifyingly, i like it too much. thinking about sitting at home and drawing stuff like i used to do all my life feels like a torture. it surely is one when i pick up my tablet and pencil and stare at the white canvas not knowing who i am anymore. there is nothing in my head i want to say. there is nothing my hands can do. i have no idea why. i want to go back behind the bar and ask R. what her favourite colour is.

“i’m proud of you,” A. says one night while we’re going back home from the restaurant where he got his two beers and one glass of whiskey i poured for him myself. he spent two hours sitting at the bar not far from these three teenage boys who have been drinking an enormous amount of beer and playing cards and then trying to guess where i come from according to my accent. “i’m proud that you’re doing good and you found something that you like so much.”

i buy two black shirts and jeans. i take my old black coat out of the wardrobe. i walk for two minutes from home to the bar and back looking fancier than ever. i feel happier than ever. i don’t look at my social media. i feel like this rotten sadness and loneliness that occupied my head for so long has nothing to do with my life now. i wonder if it’s just a phase. i consider finding a new therapist just to ask them if it’s okay to feel this good or i should be medicated before it’s too late. i want to go to bed at proper hour, wake up earlier, spend the day feeling good and then go to the bar and ask R. stupid questions and be stressed about the things i can control. i look at my workplace at home, at the white canvas that reflects nothingness in my head, at everything i have ever known, and i don’t know what to do.

i go back to work.

“you like it here?” M. asks almost every time. “is everything okay?”

“everything’s okay,” i say, smiling. and i mean it.

someone’s ordering an espresso at 11 pm. R. says, “tell them the coffee machine is already off,” turning it off while saying it. i laugh. i feel happy. i go home knowing there’s gonna be more work to be done tomorrow. i miss drawing stuff. i have nothing to say. i fall asleep thinking of the ten glasses i broke. in the morning, i can’t draw. i used to draw most of my stuff at the evenings and during the nights. now they are full of beer glasses and beer crates and adhd people who want an espresso before bed.

i ask myself if that really is how growing up feels like. i ask myself what i am going to do if i will not be able to draw a single piece of art ever again. i read the email of the person who wants me to draw an artwork for them. i wonder if they should know i’m an imposter who can’t draw anymore. i tell myself to shut up and stop being dramatic.

i go to work.

there’s a wedding at the restaurant. i once again bring what feels like an endless amount of bottle crates from the back room to the bar. i smile. i talk to people. i wipe the tables. i polish the glasses. i pour beer into them.

“my back hurts,” R. says.

“willkommen to the club,” i tell her, although for some reason my back doesn’t really hurt.

someone orders a beer and then changes their mind after the bottle was already opened.

“it’s yours if you want it,” R. says. “your shift is over anyway.”

and i stay. i sit at the bar as if i don’t really work there. i drink my beer, i talk to R. while she puts the new napkins on tables, makes sure everyone from the wedding paid what they had to and lets me ask her my questions. i pay for another beer, taking money from my fresh salary. R. rolls her eyes at that but allows me to pay anyway. she’s not a boss anymore. just… a friend. i tell her i don’t wanna go home.

“i can see that,” she laughs. “do you have friends here in town?” she asks.

i look at the bottom of my glass.

“no,” i say. there’s a lady on our street i sometimes walk our dogs together with. she’s as old as my mother. i always forget the names of her three kids although they’re all around my age. i wonder if i should mention her. “i have friends in other places. you know. not here.”

“i can be your friend here,” she says, smiling.

i feel like it’s the happiest day of my life. i’m also a little drunk on schwarzbier. even if my back would hurt i wouldn’t have noticed.

“if you need someone as me as a friend,” i say, “then. yeah. sure. uh. why not.”

we talk some more. the beer tests my language skills. i tell her i want a new tattoo. she says she got the first one when she was sixteen and it was a horrible butterfly.

“what is your favourite colour?” i finally ask.

she looks really baffled at that, then pulls out her phone. “i guess it’s red,” she says, showing me some of photos from her instagram where she’s younger than me now and is dressed up in red. “see, it looks good on me,” and she’s right. “but white is also good. and pink. and maybe purple. not black though. with my black hair, it doesn’t look good at all.”

we’re both dressed in black for work.

i come to the conclusion that colours are the least important thing in the world to her. that’s okay. i think about all the years i spent trying to make colours work. i wanna say something, but end up saying nothing.

she turns the lights off and locks the restaurant up. we spend a couple minutes walking in the same direction to our houses. i tell her about the name my friends from other places are calling me. i don’t tell her why it’s different from the one she saw on my id card. i’m not that drunk. she says she’s gonna use it from now on. she kisses my cheek before we part. i was at school the last time someone did that.

i go home. i sit at my workplace. i answer to the email of the person that wants me to draw an artwork for them from a new phone i spent enormous amount of money on. for a second i wonder if i should still tell them i’m an imposter and my career will be over by the morning when i wake up sober.

i think about the ten glasses i broke, then let myself forget about them. i tell myself to shut up and stop being dramatic.

i draw.

29/02/2024

[agroupiewhore]

Some random headcanons about what it would be like to date Enzo and a little imagine with him. I haven't wrote anything in ages so apologies if this is shite. Please no hate but let me know if you like this etc. I am always welcome to feedback/ thoughts/ comments/ concerns. Sorry in advance for grammar and spelling and punctuation

🐟🐳🐙🔵🪱

(THIS MANS JAWLINE IS MORE STRUCTURED THAN MY LIFE)

*Disclaimer: This is my own work and my own self-indulgent ideas, none of this is based in reality. And warnings for making out etc, nothing too explicit (PG-13)

✨️ There is no way you ever have to carry your own bag. This man is rushing in to help you. Whether that's your handbag on date night or all of the shopping bags after your weekly grocery shop run. And yes, he refuses to make 2 trips to the car.

✨️ Speaking of weekly shops runs, Enzo is that boyfriend who always pushes the trolley/ cart.

✨️ Matching Adidas trackies. Never quite knowing whose joggers/ t shirts/ jackets that belonged to.

✨️ Wearing his boxers after sex to go down and make a fresh batch of coffee.

✨️ Is always entertaining you with unusual facts and information about Uruguay and is keen for you to learn and embrace his culture and he is keen to learn more about yours.

✨️ Matching your nail varnish to his bow tie/ tie/ shirt colour etc.

✨️ Midnight beach walks where you tell eachother all your hopes and dreams and desires, all the 'deep stuff' you feel you can't tell eachother when it's daylight as it seems to real.

✨️ This man can dance. He has so much natural rhythm and is such a natural. He'll always be the first one up on the dance floor at parties and cast parties and would much rather spend the time on the dance floor with you rather than talking. Also at home will put on whatever dance music he wants and will just start dancing with you.

✨️ Dressing up as Kylo Ren and Rey for Halloween. "Well I mean... I think we should go as them, it would look good" "Fine"

A Perfect Day

You went to open the fridge to find the pouring cream for your iced coffees but were distracted by the note attached to the front, wrote in Enzo's beautiful cursive handwriting. You smiled to yourself as you read it. He always left the most beautiful love notes and this one was no exception. It simply read "You're my happy place". You took the note off the fridge and folded it neatly and placed it in your dressing gown pocket. You were saving them all, for what you weren't sure, but you pictured a future for you and enzo, maybe one day sticking all the notes down into a scrap book and passing it onto your daughter. To show her how much she should be loved by another. You smiled at the thought and opened the fridge, finally, to find the pouring cream. After Enzo had finished filming, touring and surving the awards season the two of you finally had some time and moved in together. The first thing he had done was gone out and found the most fanciest coffee machine. You guys hadn't even bought a bed yet at that point. You finished making your drinks and went back upstairs. Enzo was sat up in bed, shirtless.

"Well damn, it's hot this morning." You laughed as you sat back in bed next to him, being careful not to spill anything. "Here my angel." You passed him the iced coffee. He carefully took it from you and took that first heavenly sip.

"Hmm, perfecto." He said closing his eyes with a satisfied smile on his face. "I do not know how I survived without having you around, only you can make my coffee right."

"I'm sure there is someone else who could, I could always teach them, it's not too hard. There aren't any crazy secret ingredients." You replied "I just make it with love, I think that's why it's so good." Enzo leaned over and kissed you. "I love you so much, mi amor." He said as he took your hand. "What would you like to do today?"

"We need to go shopping to get a couple things and I was thinking maybe we could have a go at making our own pizzas for dinner?" You suggested, admiring him.

"You always have the best ideas, I have a couple more things to add to the list so please don't let me forget my love." Enzo said as he got out of bed. It would never get old seeing how beautiful he was. It was like he had been sculpted by the world's most incredible artist whose attention to detail no one was able to match. You felt so lucky to not only be with one so handsome but to also have discovered someone with a soul that was equally as beautiful. Enzo gave all of his love and time to you. He was always there, his strength and resilience gave you strength. He was so honoured and humbled to have been given such an important role in the film and the sincerity in which he handled his part was inspiring to you. He never got angry when you would call him in the middle of the night due to the time differences or when he had come home to see that you had used his entire bottle of his most expensive cologne. You had missed him a lot while he was away filming so decided one night to spray a little of it on to the pillow next to you, then a little onto your wrist; just to make it seem like he was there with you, however next thing you knew you'd unintentionally sprayed the entire bottle around the house and it was now empty. Enzo found it to be a most romantic gesture and when he left again to complete filming took a pot of your lip balm to apply each night so it could feel like you'd just kissed him. You heard the shower turn on and got up from the bed again to decide what to wear for today. It was a simple errand day so you grabbed a pair of Adidas joggers and a black long sleeved top.

"Wow, you look so beautiful." He said staring at you.

"What? These?" You laughed. "It's a step up from pajamas."

"You look perfect, I love it so much I will also wear mine." He said as he began looking in the wardrobe.

"Maybe one day you could surprise everyone and wear Nike." You laughed. You admired him once again as he got dressed and then you both finished your coffees. Ofcourse Enzo insisted on driving and you sat in the passenger seat and played DJ. Enzo was a cautious driver, especially whilst you were in the car. He could never understand men who drove dangerously to try and impress their partners. How could he risk your life? He couldn't live with himself if anything happened to you, especially if he was the cause of it. You thought is was sweet how he was always so gentle and careful with you. He parked up outside the supermarket.

"I can get my door." You said quickly, opening it as soon as he turned off the ignition. A few times Enzo had managed to run around to open your car door whilst you rummaged around for your handbag or wallet. He was always the gentleman.

"You know I love opening it for you." He said sweetly as he linked his hand with yours. "I'll push the cart."

"I wasn't even going to try." You laughed. Enzo had to push the trolley. He just had to, it wasn't an option for you ever. It made him feel helpful and supportive. You took the list out of your pocket as you walked in with him and began looking down the aisles.

"We have to get these crisps, you'll love them." You said, standing on your tip toes.

"I got it baby." Enzo said, barely having to extend his arm to grab the pack. There were times when his height came in handy and this was certainly one of them. One time the two of you had a fight that had started off as a result of something so small and petty and then seemingly didn't stop and just kept getting worse and worse. It was the first night the two of you went to bed without apologies or saying how much you loved one another. The next day you didn't say a word to him, you'd returned from work and Enzo had moved all of your favourite snacks and drinks to the top shelves so you had no choice but to talk to him.

"And can you get those ones as well, my love. That flavour looks good too." You said pointing to the packet next to it.

"Anything for you." He said, grabbing everything you asked for. You carried on walking through the supermarket getting everything you needed to make pizza later.

"I'll get this." You said, putting your card on the card reader first.

"No, no!" Enzo insisted. "Baby, we talked about this".

"I'll pay." You said "It's fine honey". Enzo muttered in Spanish about how he should be the one paying. The two of you walked back to the car and together loaded the shopping into the back of the car and drove back.

"Are you going to let me carry any of the shopping?" You asked.

"Not a chance." Enzo laughed and leaned over to kiss you. You kissed him back and gently tugged on the back of his hair to be able to kiss down his beautifully structured jawline.

"I love you so much." You said, between kisses.

"I love you so much more." He said. He kissed the tip of your nose and rested his forehead against yours. His soft eyelashes gently brushing your skin. "I got the shopping, don't worry." You got out of the car and opened the door for him. Enzo grabbed all the bags and followed you in.

"Baby, one day all the bags are going to break and I don't know what you will do." You said as you began putting everything away. "Leave the pizza ingredients out, my love."

"Anything for you, I will cut mine in to a heart shape." He said, doing as you asked him. You smiled at him.

"I might try and do a star or something, I don't know." You said. "Maybe the shape of a coffee bean."

"You know me so well." He said smiling as the last of the shopping was put away. The sun was beginning to set and the sky was turning a beautiful pink colour. You went out onto the balcony and looked out. The view was beautiful, just like your life now. You heard the doors slide open and Enzo stepped outside. You continued to look out as you felt his strong arms wrap around your waist and pull you closer. He kissed your neck gingerly taking in the smell of your perfume and moisturiser. The two of you fitting together perfectly, the final missing piece of the jigsaw to your life.

[lazyjellyfish300]

Miguel O'Hara Parenting Head Canons pt 2

Thank you to everyone that liked the original post! I thought of more so here's part 2 of headcanons for Miguel related to parenting bc the man deserves to be happy and way more dad moments tbh. Reader is his s/o.

TW: minors DNI, a little suggestive, mentions childbirth, infertility, child free, bullying

Part 1:

------------------

-once again I feel it doesn't matter if you want kids with him or not because anyone who he's in love with, he just wants a life with them and as long as Gabi is fully loved by both of you he's happy. And if you do want kids with him or have your own already the man is 10000% about it and loves yall to death & wants to try IMMEDIATELY for more.

-he pretty much is a "we got food at home" dad but you and Gabi made a pact together where she asks if y'all can get takeout on your behalf when you don't feel like cooking and it worked for a bit bc it's Gabi and he can't say no to his little girl but then he caught on eventually

-he's the dad on the grill in the summer. He's very possessive of his grill and he wears an apron that says "kiss the chef" or "grill master" that you got him for Father's Day

-He hangs up the kids' artwork on the fridge no matter what and keeps it up year round.

-He definitely throws the kids in the pool and you have to remind him to take it easy. If he ever accidentally hurts the kids though he's apologizing profusely and showering them with kisses bc he feels bad.

-When you guys go boating, he always wrecks the kids on the tube but when it's you driving the boat you take it easy on em.

-He's big on manners and Gabi is a very considerate and well behaved little girl thanks to him. Her teachers love her.

-when it comes to bae-cations you leave most of the planning up to him because it's hard for you to be away from the kids for too long but he lovesss it bc he gets you to himself (unlimited sexy time with you) but he lets you use his phone to FaceTime them everyday or whenever you miss them.

-When he reads stories to Gabi and the kids he reads in a silly voice.

-He makes you and the kids hand him your passports/IDs/boarding passes at the airport because he's the classic dad at the airport and walks way too fast in front of everyone.

-He also makes the whole fam get up at like 4 am for vacation even though your flight is at 1 pm.

-He makes you and the kids get up early on vacation because no way are you guys missing the free breakfast. He's awake before everyone else and he already worked out in the gym and had a shower too.

-He's the one driving when y'all go on road trips and he always sticks his hand outstretched to the backseat for Gabi to give him some of the Chex Mix.

-He definitely follows the "dad tax" rule when it comes to food.

-He's definitely the dad that looks over the top of his reading glasses while reading in the recliner when Gabi and her loud friends come in after practice

-He snores loudd

-He reads the newspaper in the morning.

-He's not a Cocomelon dad and will just have whatever he likes on TV and you gotta remind him to keep it PG for the kids

-He loathes baby shark and any "kid music". No Kidz Bop here. He'll play whatever he likes in the car(obv nothing super raunchy) but Gabi has awesome music taste already and appreciates the oldies thanks to him. He's a man of culture for sure.

-He's the dad that can't resist trying to start home projects or fixing random things around the house and recruits the kids to help him even when it's inconvenient.

-He'll yell if you hold the flashlight wrong. He holds back when it's Gabi tho. He's working on not being mean.

-He's particular about how the lawn is mowed and prefers to be the one doing it.

-He yells at the TV when his team is playing. The man gets stressed.

-He stands up when he's watching the news and always needs to know the weather forecast.

-When it comes to bullies at school, he gives the kids full permission to deck anyone in the face who messes with them and hi-fives Gabi anytime she stands up for herself.

-Whenever Gabi or the kids have a play or speaking part at school for their class program and they're nervous, Miguel will go over their lines with them while you're the fake audience cheering them on.

-if you want kids, he's overly concerned about germs and makes people use hand sanitizer/loses his shit if people kiss the new baby when you guys get home from the hospital.

-He teaches the kids how to ride their bikes while you take pictures.

-He'll sleep in the kids room whenever they have nightmares and use "monster spray" for monsters under the bed.

-He'll do Elf on the shelf for Gabi but you gotta remind him or else he'll forget to move it and he forgets the rules.

-When Gabi and the kids learn how to drive he'll get up early in the morning to defrost their windows for them and shovel the snow.

-The only thing he could possibly love more than his kids is his grandkids. He'd be an amazing grandpa and he'd take the chance to take the grandkids to the museum, zoo, movies with you anytime.

-He recruits Gabi and the kids to help him make you breakfast in bed on your birthday/Mother's Day which makes you cry and y'all spend the day in bed together laughing and cuddling as a big happy family.

🖤

[talkfastromance4]

Listen… I am obsessed, as I’ve said before, with Sugar Daddy!Jake and Sugar. And I’m a sucker for being taken care of so the blurb about the migraine and bad day was my jam but it got me thinking… Jake needs taken care of too sometimes, and I’m dying to know what that would like when he’s having a bad day and just needs a little tlc

Sure thing bby😊 prepare for extra soft!Jake

Lift Me Up–Jake Seresin (An Arrangement Series)

An Arrangement Masterlist

Follow here for all updates as I do not have a taglist

word count: 1.7k

Feedback, asks, comments/reblogs mean the world to me!

Enjoy!

You were just finishing up some boutonnieres and corsages for another wedding when your watch buzzed on your wrist. At a quick glance you saw Rooster’s name appear but you didn’t read the message yet because you had to finish wrapping twine around one more set of flowers. Your wrist buzzed again, and again but you were adamant on finishing this before being distracted.

Once it was wrapped and tightened, you scrolled through your notifications, messages equally from Rooster and Phoenix.

Rooster: are you coming to the hard deck by chance?

Phoenix: are you busy tonight? Please say no, Bagman is extra sour

Rooster: we’re all begging. Hangman’s in a terrible mood.

Rooster: WE ALL NEED YOU

Phoenix: please babe, he’s bad

“What in the world?” you mutter as you read through the frantic texts. 

It’s only a little after five, what could Jake possibly be doing that both Rooster and Phoenix are reaching out to you? You place your finished flowers in the boxes and set them on the shelf in the fridge and gather your things. Reynolds is waiting for you in his usual parking spot, his smile turns into a frown at your own troubled expression.

“Is something wrong?”

“Can we go to The Hard Deck? Something’s wrong with Jake…”

“Really? He didn’t text me…” Reynolds scratches his chin as he opens your door. “But we’ll stop by and see what’s going on.”

“Thank you.”

The bar isn’t that far from your shop and for a Thursday night, it’s pretty packed with cars and pilots loitering onto the sand. 

“Should I come in with you?” Reynolds asks.

“No, I’ll be okay. Maybe wait for a bit in case we need to drive him home,” you say and get out. 

Some of the other pilots say hello to you as you pass them but you barely smile because you’re growing concerned for Jake. Is he drunk and he’s acting belligerent? Is he sick and refusing to go home?

You weave through the crowd finding Rooster near the back by the jukebox and pool tables. There’s a loud crack! followed by a collective groan and someone cursing Jake’s name. 

“Penny’s gonna ban you from ever entering her bar again,” Rooster shakes his head and moves out of your way.

You see Jake holding a splintered cue stick, one half of it is on the pool table and his face is hard, stony. His brows are furrowed in a permanent scowl as he tosses the broken stick on the table.

“I’ll replace it. Give me another one,” Jake snaps his fingers but no one moves. He turns around snatching one from the holders and you push yourself in front of Rooster.

“Thank God you’re here,” he mutters. “Hangman, time to go home.”

“No, I’m not ready to go home, Rooster. Not until I win a game of pool and–Sugar,” he stops himself short when he turns around and sees you. He drops the new stick in his hand as if he’s caught with his hand in the cookie jar. “What are you doing here?”

“We called her to come get you,” Phoenix says. “It’s been a long day. Go home.”

“I thought you were working late,” Jake says, ignoring the others completely. 

“I got caught up,” you walk towards him, hand reaching for his cheek. When you’re close enough his cheek falls into your palm effortlessly. You can feel the tension in his jaw. “You had a bad day?”

“Wasn’t the best, no,” he murmurs as you bring your other hand to his other cheek. You rub at the circles under his eyes, noting how they’re bloodshot. 

“Let’s go home.”

“Okay.”

He follows you willingly, walking past his friends who stare at your retreating backs dumbfounded. They insisted he should go home hours ago but he refused and then you come in saying only a few words and he follows you not a problem. 

When the two of you get back outside you let Reynolds know he can go home. Jake says he’s fine to drive and you want to ask him what happened but his body language is screaming annoyance. He keeps one hand on your knee and you trace your finger over the grooves of his knuckles, circling over the back of his palm. 

His silence is so loud when you’re finally home and he slams his door when he gets out. He opens yours more gently, his hand held out to you, his gaze soft as he looks at you. You take his hand and close your door behind you, following him closely into the house.

“Can I make you anything?” you ask quietly. 

“Do we have tomato soup?”

“I’m sure Rhea keeps it on hand,” you smile, continuing to stroke his hand with your thumb. “Do you want grilled cheese with it?”

“That sounds good,” he nods.

“Okay. Why don’t you go take a hot shower, the food will be ready when you’re done.”

You squeeze his hand, debating on kissing him but he turns away and heads towards the stairs. You skip to the kitchen grabbing the necessary things to make the soup. Of course Rhea bought the best type of canned tomato soup and you took two out since you hadn’t eaten yet either. While the soup is heating up in the pot you begin on the grilled cheese using the panini maker. 

You’re humming ‘The First Time Ever I Saw Your Face’ as you look in the freezer for dessert. Jake loves sundaes with chocolate syrup and sprinkles. You stir the soup, make another grilled cheese and then Jake struts in. You were hoping he’d take a longer shower, letting the hot water worry away his tight muscles. 

“Hey,” you smile loving how fluffy his hair is looking already. He has on your favorite shirt, the NAVY one and a pair of plaid pajama pants. “That was a quick shower.”

He moves past you and turns the soup down on low so it simmers. Then he places the grilled cheese on a hot plate and covers it up.

“The soup is just about done. Aren’t you–ahh!” you squeal when he lifts you up onto the counter. You open your legs and he slots between them, his arms moving behind your lower back. 

“Wanted to be with you,” he mumbles.

“Jake…what happened today?” you ask resting your arms on his shoulders.

“I couldn’t beat my times today and in the meetings following, I was used as the example of what not to do. I don’t know what happened, I couldn’t accelerate fast enough. So I wanted to blow off steam at the bar, prove to everyone I can do it all.”

“I’m sorry you had a bad day. It’s okay if you can’t do it all, you know, I think you’re pretty perfect already,” you encourage. “You’ll beat your times, just keep practicing and you’ll get there. Want me to come yell at your officers for singling you out?”

“No, that’s okay,” he chuckles slipping his fingers under your shirt. He draws circles on your skin. “It wouldn’t do much, you’re too adorable.”

“I can be feisty if I need to,” you put on a tough face, “I can scream and shout about how you are the best pilot there is.”

“Thanks Sugar,” he smiles. He turns his head so he can kiss the inside of your forearm then sighs. He keeps kissing up your arm until he’s by your shoulder and you turn his head so you can press your lips to his. 

Your arms tighten around each other, and your legs hook around his hips. His kiss is hurried and hot, his fingers hot on your bare skin as he shifts them up under your shirt. One hand moves to your stomach, his lips feverish as they transition to your jaw and neck. You toss your head back gasping, his fingers graze the side of your breast as he sucks on your neck. 

Your hips involuntarily rut against his, fingers tangling in his hair. Your body is electric from his touch and kiss. His hand on your lower back rocks you forward, his lips moving to your collarbones and in between your breasts. 

“Jake,” you whimper enjoying the sensations but then he stops. 

He removes his lips from your breasts, his breath hot and wanton on your skin as he recollects himself and pulls you back up in a sitting position. You stare at him quizzically.

“Sorry, I got a little carried away,” he exhales.

“I wasn’t telling you to stop,” you shake your head suddenly feeling ashamed. 

“I know. But I don’t want to rush anything, wanna take my time and give you the proper attention you deserve,” he says pulling your shirt back down. “And not when I’m upset about work.”

“But–”

He shushes you with a soft kiss. 

“Don’t forget how much you tempt me on the daily, Sugar,” he says on your lips. “You made me my favorite comfort food, so let’s enjoy that okay?”

You nod and hop down the counter, your legs a little shaky from that quick but intense makeout. You ladled the soup while he gathered plates and silverware. Still feeling a little dejected, you sat on one of the stools and began to eat slowly. When Jake joined you, he dragged you closer to him, the stool grating against the floor. Then he lifted your legs onto his lap and smiled.

“Want you as close as possible,” he says then starts to eat. You smile into your spoon.

When you’re finished eating, you move into the living room climbing onto his large couch. 

“Pick your favorite movie,” you tell him. He decides on 10 Things I Hate About You and when he turns around, you pat your chest as a place for him to lay. 

He jumps onto the couch cuddling onto your chest, basically laying on top of you with his arms and legs wrapped tightly around you. His overexcitement makes you laugh and you start to play with his hair. That calms him down fairly quickly and you scratch at his neck.

“You’ve no idea how good that feels,” he groans. 

“Oh I know, it’s my specialty, remember?” you tease and kiss the top of his head. You move your hands down his back, scratching it lightly and he groans again. 

“Don’t ever stop,” he sighs.

You remain that way for the whole movie, one hand scratching at his back and the other petting his hair thinking the whole time how you never want to stop.

[gogobootz1]

Dream A Little Dream Of Me

Eddie Roundtree x Reader

Summary: Stress is starting to interfere with your sleep schedule. But a late-night encounter with a fellow member of The Six might just help you out.

A/N: It really bothers me that the show changed his last name, but I love this man so here you go

Word Count: 1k

The one thing you really couldn’t find yourself getting used to in LA was the heat. Dry, stifling, and never-ending, it made you miserable. After spending nearly your whole life in cold, dreary Pittsburgh, you were more than struggling to make the adjustment.

The cheap ass house Billy had rented didn’t help things, either. Among its flaws, the lack of air conditioning is at the top of your list. And it’s why you can’t seem to stop tossing and turning. No matter which limbs you stick out from under your blankets, it’s not enough to cool you down. The windows you opened two hours ago aren’t helping either. Growing tired of trying to sleep, you throw the covers off of yourself and sit up.

At the very least, some water should be able to help.

You huff and make your way downstairs, paying no mind to the time. Grabbing a glass from the kitchen cabinet, you let the door swing shut. Once you’ve sipped on your tap water for a bit, you decide a snack might help too.

Still holding your cup in one hand, you start rummaging through the fridge with the other.

Leftovers were clearly out. As delicious as Camila’s lasagna was two nights ago, you didn’t want to bother heating anything up. Not to mention that Warren would probably want it for breakfast. Billy specifically said that the apples he bought were off-limits, but you aren’t necessarily opposed to pissing him off. You are, however, concerned about his taste. He probably got red delicious or Jonathan or something equally as gross, so you can't have that. Finally, you strike gold. The deli drawer. At least one Dunne brother has your back. Graham made a B-line for the deli counter on your grocery trip the other day.

You snag two slices of cheese out of the packet and start eating them while looking to see if the fridge has anything else to offer.

"Are you eating deli meat straight from the fridge at 2 AM?"

You whip around to find Eddie staring at you expectantly. For a second, you're like a deer in headlights. Caught red-handed, standing by the evidence. You swallow the final bite of cheese you were working on.

"No."

He makes a face that tells you he is not at all buying it.

"It was cheese," you mumble. Quietly, you continue, "why are you in here anyway, Edward?"

"Oh, I don't know, maybe to see who was making all that noise?" He shrugs angrily. For the first time, you take note of his pajamas. The blue and green plaid really compliments the white Rolling Stones shirt he's got on. His hair's all tussled, probably because he was just sleeping.

"Shit, I woke you up, didn't I?" You whisper, internally kicking yourself. The fridge closes behind you as you take a seat at the kitchen table. You rest your head in your hands. "I'm really sorry, Eddie."

The sincerity in your voice takes him off guard. Typically your relationship is characterized by bickering and teasing and sticking your tongues out at each other like when you were little. This is a rare moment of vulnerability for you.

Eddie takes the seat across from you at the table. "What are you doing up in the first place?" He asks gently.

"I'm too hot," you complain.

"Sure are," he nods, and you kick him. "OW! Jesus, I was joking."

You sigh again, guiltily, "sorry."

"Cranky much," he rubs at his knee, "did you get any sleep at all?"

"No," you say miserably.

"Wait, are you serious?" Eddie asks, and you nod. "We were in the studio all day, and you stayed late to record the extra trombone part. Aren't you exhausted?" You nod once again. He lets out a sigh, "what's keeping you up then?"

"I already told you, Billy needs to fix the damn air conditioning," you grumble.

"And that's all?" Eddie sounds skeptical.

You sigh, "I don't know. It's just- a lot." He gives an encouraging nod, and you continue, "we're not in Pittsburgh anymore, and everything's new and different, and this is our shot, and if I blow it-"

"Woah there," Eddie stops you. "First of all, if anyone blows it, it'll be Graham for spilling something on someone important." That pulls a laugh out of you, and he smiles. "And I know things are different, but it's exciting too. If you ever feel homesick, though, we'll just drive around until we find someplace that reminds us of Eat'n Park. Okay?"

You nod softly at his words, and he stands up. You send him a questioning look.

"Come on," he says, "you've gotta get some sleep."

"Eddie, I've tried," you insist. He rolls his eyes at you.

"Then at least come sit on the couch," he pleads. You reluctantly follow him into the living room and plop yourself down on the sofa. "Close your eyes too. If they get any more bloodshot, people will think we're high all the time."

"Aren't we?" You ask, throwing your arm over your face. You don't see him shake his head at you while he grabs his guitar.

"Since you woke me up, you get to hear what I've been working on," Eddie says. He pushes your legs over so that he has room to sit.

"Lucky me," your voice drips with sarcasm. Eddie flicks your leg, and you flinch away. "Hey!"

"Watch it, sleeping beauty," he says.

"Or what?" You taunt.

"I'll tell Billy you broke the garbage disposal," he smirks. You bolt upright at his words.

"You wouldn't!"

"Wouldn't I?"

"How was I supposed to know I had to turn the water to use it?!"

Eddie stares at you, unimpressed.

"Never mind, Mozart, play on," you nod at him. Eddie starts strumming the guitar, and you sigh, laying back down.

The melody is slow and sweet, mesmerizing too. Your intentions of listening closely to offer feedback quickly slip out the window. Especially when he starts humming along. You don't even feel yourself starting to drift off. Your acute awareness of the temperature in the house, your dry mouth, or any residual hunger that haunted you earlier slips away.

Eddie goes on playing for a bit before he looks to you for your thoughts on it. When he finds you fast asleep, he sighs, "that good, huh?" He shakes his head with a smile on his face. Eddie stands and hangs the guitar back on the wall, retiring to his own room. He'll make you listen to it again in the morning.

[no-see-um-incorrect]

How I think the Yuurivoice boys and their listeners would be grocery shopping 

A little backstory I grew up, broke as fuck (still am) and my mom taught me how to get the most groceries to feed the most people with what you have. So let’s see how the Yuurivoice boys are when it comes to grocery shopping 

Auron/Rook

Man is literally rich 

he doesn’t budget. He just goes to the grocery store (let’s face it it’s probably Whole Foods) gets what he wants and leaves. If Rook lives with him it’s not that different they just get more stuff.  but he’s very particular on things that he buys. 

Not the price on anything like that no  he will sit there, staring at two packages of essentially the same butter  for like 15 minutes. And when rook asks what he’s doing.  he gives the excuse of.

“well, if it’s going to take up room in my fridge need to make sure it’s worth the space” 

My man, it is the same butter in a different packaging. 2/10

Lucien/angel 

Lucien is like a child in the grocery store. He wants to touch everything he wants to look at everything he wants to get everything.

And unless it’s with like serious stuff Lucien doesn’t really know how to take no for an answer so somethings he actually succeeds in convincing Angel to get him when he wants.

angel has the problem of going to the grocery store when hungry. Causing them to buy a lot of extra snack things (that Lucien will just end up eating in one sitting anyway)

Lucien obviously gets a lot of looks when he goes grocery shopping by himself because 

I mean, he’s a big red demon with horns and a tail  it’s kind of hard not to stare. But the people at the local grocery store that they frequent kind of just accepted that that’s how he looks and he’s actually quite friendly with them. 5/10

Charlie/Casper 

(I am totally not biased because I kin Charlie  and because he’s my favorite I don’t know why you’d think that)

Charlie by himself is absolute Ass at shopping 

But when he goes with Casper, they’re the best duo for shopping. It’s like a game. One day out of the last week of the month when they both have the day off is when they go grocery shopping. 

Step one: wake up early in the morning, clear out all of the cabinets and the refrigerator of expired or uneaten food

Step two: use the rest of the afternoon to carve out a budget and a shopping list as well as a “reward budget”

(the reward budget is used to reward them if they go under budget and get all the groceries under the time limit that they set themselves)

Step three: night time.  one hour and 20 minutes before the store closes. Charlie sits in the cart with the grocery shopping list as well as a chart with the number of isles, and what is in each aisle. They have one hour to complete their grocery shopping.  if they complete it under the hour, they can use the rest of the remaining time and the reward fund.  check out the last 20 minutes. 

Absolute best at grocery shopping 10/10

Seth/scout 

These two both are a little dumb when it comes to grocery shopping. But they get the job done 

They eat a lot of the same things so they’ll get all of the ingredients they need or mixes they need in bulk  like

Bulk pancake mix, a pack of three jugs of milk(thank you Costco), a pack of salad mixes.

Unless Seth has a big meal planned or they’re going camping or they’re having guests over they mostly just get prepackaged things that are easy to whip up. overall pretty good at staying on budget and sticking to the list  7/10

Alphonse/boo 

Alphonse usually does the grocery shopping but when they go together  they do OK  decent is the word I would use to describe it. You see alphonse also has the problem of going to the grocery store hungry and boo Has to be the voice of reason. 

Sometimes Alphonse likes to forget that he has a candy shop so boo will look away for one minute and then he’s just gone. Boo will eventually find him in the candy aisle, comparing prices of taffy only to be reminded that he owns a candy shop.

Boo is not that much better…… they go in the baking aisle, and they will marvel over the new sprinkles or new piping tips  until Alphonse inevitably makes a dirty baking joke, and then they get their minds back on track.

Not the best for time, but not the worst when it comes to staying on budget and getting what they need 8/10

Faust/star 

I am convinced these two don’t know what a grocery store is. Once again, he’s rich. he just orders food.  I don’t think he knows how to cook either.  so they just order food.  all the time. and it’s a very particular order to.  not to mention someone who looks like Faust is kind of hard to forget so most of the delivery drivers know him by name. 

One time they wanted pizza and Faust remembered seeing a guy talking to Auron in a Sweet Pete’s Pizza shirt,  so he ordered from there and he gets Charlie as a delivery boy 

Charlie: delivery from Sweet Pete’s pizzeria! I got a large cheese, and a-…….. oh my God…

Faust: well, if it isn’t my brothers little bitch boy

Charlie remembers this interaction very vividly and tends to avoid this address at all costs  

Overall 0/10 I think this man would vomit upon seeing a Walmart 

Finn /sunflower 

The only time that he really goes to the grocery store for big trips is during the winter and fall 

(he gets very overstimulated and anxious in grocery stores)

He grows a lot of the vegetables that he uses in his every day cooking  and buys a lot of other things like for baking or specific recipes in bulk specifically so he doesn’t have to go to the grocery store too often but when he does, it’s usually either in the winter time or an ingredients run/stock up 

 Him and sunflower will get ingredients to make certain baked goods and different tea blends  but he always seems to get distracted in the garden section. Sunflower hast to forcibly drag him out of the garden section…..it’s becoming a problem 

Sunflowers usually very productive with their shopping  but they often times get lost in the clothes section looking at stuff that Finn would look good in (provided that he doesn’t get it covered in dirt)

Overall, they’re pretty good at sticking to budget pretty good at sticking to their list  not that great on time (i’m not gonna hold it against them) 8/10

Hope you enjoyed  it’s really late when I’m posting this, but I wanted to give y’all a little something that wasn’t a shitpost. Have a good night stay hydrated eat a snack bye. 





[collectivecloseness]

Imagine being at a corroded coffin gig and eddie says something like this one's for my *insert cringey pet name* and all the girls are just jealous of whoever that might be and you're just standing there like ��‍♀️ and completely red

He totally loves messing with you. Obviously only in funny ways. But he can picture things being a story he’ll get Gareth to include in a best man speech Eddie and yours wedding one day.

You told Eddie you didn’t want to be on stage with him, when he proposed bringing you up by your hand and singing to you, or showing off his hot girlfriend to the audience, because he was truly happy. And while you didn’t mind him making things official to the public, now you two presumed there was a newly public view on him, there was a different problem. You told Eddie you absolutely did not want to be shown off during a live set. That seemed mortifying, in a stage fright way. But he could respect you not wanting to go up on stage, that was fine, even if he’d scream to the whole world that he was your soulmate. You told him that you’d just be embarrassed. Also, you didn’t want to be mauled by the small mass of parasocial fans Eddie was starting to collect. Corroded Coffin were just starting to get big, but that also meant that some of their fans were more... hardcore, when it came to their love of certain members. Being so fresh to Corroded Coffin actually being successful, with a small but committed fanbase. With Eddie being the shining headliner for loving fans. You didn’t actually think any of the girls would eat you alive in the crowd if Eddie did point you out. Although the thought of someone waiting at the back door to the bar, to hurl insults at you, was a little anxiety inducing.

Eddie promised not to bring you on stage with a lighthearted laugh however. Although his extra comment of “But I didn’t say anything about embarrassing you” was something you weren’t sure whether you actually had to worry about or not. You at least knew Eddie wouldn’t actually hurt you like that. But him playing a game? Ohhh yeah

You were coming back from the fridge with your soda as Eddie looked up at you, taking a cooling sip before you continued this topic of conversation for the night. “I mean, I don’t mind you calling me, like, your snugglebug at home or anything, ya know? But saying that in front of a bunch of people... someone’s gonna jump me.” You half joked.

Eddie hummed, smiling relaxedly up at you. “You like that one, don’t you?” He said, opening his arm as you nodded, quickly shuffling into his side on the couch, under his extended limb. You sat against Eddie’s chest, as he nuzzled your head with his chin, happily. “Well you are my snugglebug baby.”

You smiled, looking up at him, and picking away your strings of hair that stayed attached to his jaw. Feeling it move as he spoke softly again. “And good. Cos I love snuggling with you.”

Eddie kissed all over your face, quick and direct attacks as you didn’t move away, but just beamed up at him as he did so. Eyes closed because he kept pressing kisses to them, but your face saying enough. As his soft pecks moved to the back of your hand he picked up, you opened your freed mouth. “Yeah. But, you may lose your metal cred if you say that in front of all those other metal fans.”

“I don’t care. It’s true.” Eddie swears solemnly, eyes playful as he leans his head agaisnt your chest now, falling like a lump half into your lap, so he can look up at you and make sure you’re seeing his exaggerated faces. “Plus, metal people can be all sweet. I am.”

You hum, interrupting as you ‘consider’ that fact, slapping away Eddie’s hand that whacked you first.

“Hmm!” Eddie repeats mockingly, sticking his tongue out at you. “We are though! We’re just normal people... mostly. Are you saying that makes me less metal?” He asks, faux offended, with a hand to his chest.

“Yes.” You respond bluntly. Only to tease him. Eddie bites your titty in retaliation, only lowly laughing when you shove his jaw away after yelling ‘ow!’ “That’s not even that bad a pet name. I could think of plenty mushy gushy sickly sweet creepily involved names to say!” He states proudly.

“I don’t know if that’d be more embarrassing for me, or for you. Although I don’t know if you’re capable of showing embarrassment Munson.” You raise your eyebrow, rubbing his chest with a playful shake. “People may still think it’s unmetal.”

“Nah!” Eddie responds, causing you to roll your eyes, even though you smile. You love how secure Eddie is most of the time. “They won’t. I could say anything and those fellow sheepies would eat... it... up!” Eddie pounces up and gnaws on your face, wrapping his arms around you the more he hears you laughing. Before committing to not canabalise his girlfriend, and pushing his face into your neck, nuzzling there with a whining sigh.

You poke him. Grinning. “See? Snugglebug.”

Eddie sticks his thumb out affirmatively, smiling more into your shoulder when he hears you laugh at his antics, before cuddling you with said arm again. “Yupppp. You too.”

You’re cheering the loudest in a room of fans, as Corroded Coffin finish one of their songs. This one particularly had a lot of guitar, even though they all did, but it was one Eddie got a sick solo on too, so you had to cheer just that bit louder for your boyfriend. Even though you of course, loved the other guys too. You cupped your hands around you mouth as you wooed for him, the band all stretching their fingers as the speakers finally quieted a little.

Some of the girls surrounding you were cheering louder too, because Eddie was coming up to the microphone. You looked on from your front row, the other band members taking drinks of water as Eddie slammed his forearm against his sweaty head, asking the crowd how everyone was doing tonight, as he fixed the fact that he’d made his fringe crazy bad, getting a bunch of cheers in response.

Eddie looked down at you now, a smile already plastered on his face, but crinkling just that bit brighter as he looked at you. Able to see you even with the stage lights, because you always came early to get that front row room, just so he could see you there.

Eddie took off his denim vest, leaving his sleeveless black tee clinging to his sweating torso, chained bracelets jangling as pointed out to the crowd. “I’ve got a very special person in the room with me tonight. My own personal love, here to support me like always, guys and gals.”

You knew Eddie wouldn’t be able to see your pinched and simultaneously looking-like-you-were-about-to-explode expression, but he wasn’t even looking at you. His eyes were still surfing the crowd, occasionally giving you a glance as he grinned. Girls in your ears cheered louder, some friends grabbing each other and shaking them, people amping each other up.

“So this next one’s for my baby dolly, my hot patootie, my kitten whiskers, right here in the room with us tonight!” Eddie jumped straight back to his guitar, the drums starting up before he could even finish his last word, as one girl started crying in your ear, and others were screaming for Eddie’s attention still. Some looking far and wide in the crowd for this... ‘lover’.

You didn’t want to stand out, by acting odd. But you were literally just... standing there. You bounced your shoulders a little to the music, just to not catch suspicion, in your mind going through one more time what Eddie had just done.

And then, a smile formed on your tight lips. Shaking your head at Eddie when he chanced a look over at you, even risking a wink, how could he not for his lover, with his teeth gleaming from his cocky smile. You were still smirking back at him. Asshole. He didn’t even pick a romance song afterwards! This was just some random cover.

You totally weren’t gonna let him have snugglebug privileges at home tonight

[dancingtotuyo]

Scathed 9 (Javier Peña)

Rating: Mature

Warnings: anxiety, trauma, self worth, smoking, idiot(s) in love?, references to the drug war and colombia, Narcos season 3 spoilers

Notes: shoutout to my forever beta reader @janaispunk for looking this bad boy over!

Words: 2923

Series Master List | Author Master List

Journal Entry August 4, 1994  Dear Javi,

There are things I can’t bring myself to say. Even out on the back patio under the safety of the stars, I can’t tell you how scared I am that you won’t come back. It terrifies me. I did life without you for so long, but I’m not sure how to go back to life without you in it. We’re going to miss you alot. 

You won’t ever see this, but please come back. 

This time would be different. It ran on repeat in Javier’s head as he stared out the large windows that overlooked the buzzing city. New position, new apartment, new drug cartel. This time had to be different; he couldn’t get lost in it like last time. He took a deep breath, mentally preparing himself to start back at the DEA in the morning.

He unpacked his last suit case, having put it off since his arrival Friday night, the one that contained his few treasures in life. Framed photos from Chucho: the ranch, the two of them, an old family photo with his mom. A crayon drawing from Alejandra: both of them on horses. A bottle of whiskey from Jaime. A journal from Emily. 

“To write down all those thoughts racing through your mind. Even the ugly ones,” she had told him.

He set it on the end table next to the family photo with his mom. This time would be different. A silent oath. 

Alejandra’s drawing went on the fridge, the bottle of whisky on the counter, and the other pictures on the bookshelf. He looked around. It all felt scattered, empty, nothing like the apartment he’d made for himself last time. 

The familiar urge to go out, drink a couple of fingers of whiskey, and take a warm body home crept in. He fought against it. He shook his head, pinching the bridge of his nose. This time had to be different. He’s promised himself over and over again it would be. He promised his dad he would call and write. He told Emily the same… 

Could he be here and not let it consume him? Could he be soaked in it all and still talk to her? Be worthy of her friendship? Being here, he felt the sins of his past marring his hands, so real and tangible. The same hands Emily allowed to touch her, what a privilege that was. The same hands she felt safe in. 

Javier thought about all the things he used to do when these thoughts raced through his mind when he couldn’t handle the big emotions: bars, cigarettes, sex. Too many times to count. His fingers itched at his side to grab his leather jacket and go. 

He paced the length of his apartment running a hand through his messy hair. Then it caught his eye: something sticking out of the journal. He pulled it out. 

A crisp envelope with his name written neatly in the middle: Emily’s handwriting. He popped it open. Polaroid pictures. He shook his head thinking about the grief he gave her for carrying that thing everywhere, but a smile appeared on his lips. There was one of him standing in the riding rink as Ale trotted around him on Hurricane. Another taken on the patio just last week: he and the kids eagerly chowing down on popsicles before they could melt in the Texas sun. He could see the red ring around Mateo’s mouth and drip down his chin as the sun beat him. One on the small dock next to the boys and his dad, lines cast into the pond Chucho stocked on the ranch. Javier smiled. Miguelito caught the biggest bass that day. Chucho had been dumbfounded. 

He sucked in as he flipped to the last one. It was the picture Alejandra had taken at the park just after he told her he was returning to Colombia. She leaned into him, an ease rarely seen in her. He’d caught a whiff of her shampoo, followed her lead, and leaned in. His thumb rubbed over the picture. He’d put an arm over her shoulder, her hand on his knee it all looked so… peaceful, domestic even, like they were- He cut the thought off, letting the picture fall to his coffee table. 

For so many reasons, that was a bad idea. 

He padded his pockets, finding the Nicorette gum. He popped the last piece into his mouth. He should grab more on his way to work in the morning. 

The Polaroid stared back at him. He looked happy, wrinkles cutting deep around his eyes. He picked the photo back up. He had been happy that day. Happier than he could remember even as he grappled with his decision to return to Colombia. Black ink on the back grabbed his attention. Don’t forget about us, okay? Her handwriting again. Her words to him that day.

He smiled to himself. That was his friend. He wasn’t sure he’d had one of those for a long time. Sure, he and Steve got along, but Steve was back in Miami. They still talked about once a month, but the bond he felt toward this woman was different. He and Steve had been forced together. They had to trust each other. Their lives had depended on it. Javier’s life sure didn’t depend on trusting Emily, but he did. She didn’t judge him. There were still things he hadn’t told her, and vice versa, but he knew when he was ready, he could. 

Javier slipped the photo of them into his wallet. This time was different.

He grabbed the phone off the end table and called his dad. The conversation was brief. The last thing he wanted to do was run up anyone’s phone bill, but he could tell his dad was happy to hear from him. He’d rarely received communications from Javier when he was in Colombia the first time. 

His fingers hovered over the buttons as he contemplated the second call. He told her he’d call. She told him to call. He pushed past the anxiety, pressing the buttons succinctly. He had it memorized. He checked his watch. It was bath night in the Kuykendall house. He knew that, but usually, the kids were bathed and in bed by now. 

Javier smiled as he thought about the few times he’d stumbled into bath night. It was true chaos and an event, but every single person wore larger-than-life grins. It was one of the times Javier felt like he was a part of something bigger than himself, like he’d been brought into something sacred. 

“Hello?” Anna answered. He could clearly hear the laughter of children and adults in the background. 

“Hey, it’s Javier… I can call back if this is-“

“Not at all.” He felt Anna’s welcoming presence through the phone. “Emily just came out of the bathroom.”

“Bath night.” Javier chuckled. 

“Exactly,” Anna called for her stepdaughter. Javier couldn’t hear their exchange over the shouts coming from the living room. 

“Javier?”

An ache in his chest eased. “Hey, sounds like a madhouse there.”

Emily laughed and the sounds muted as if she’d shut them behind a door. “Dad seems to have extra energy to chase the kids down tonight. How is it to be back?”

“Strange.” Javier glanced out the window. The city flowed like it always did, people rushing from place to place. “I’ve got a nicer apartment this time.”

“Of course you do, Mr. DEA attaché.”

Javier chuckled. “That sounds too fancy for me.”

“You said the same thing when you bought those suits and I gave you that snazzy new haircut.”

Javier grinned, resting against the countertop. His eyes fluttered shut as he remembered the feeling of her fingers through his hair. His shirt stretched and pulled across his chest as he inhaled. “Still sounds too fancy for me.”

“You ready for your first day?”

“No.”

Her laugh crackled through the line. “Then why’d you go back.”

At that moment, Javier wondered the same thing. He’d much rather be back in Laredo chasing the kids around the living room. “I’m askin myself that same thing.”

“Then do it. Tell the DEA where to shove it and come home.”

He smiled, low chuckle pulling from his chest. “You and I both know I have unfinished business here.”

“Yeah…” Silence sat between them. He could still hear the kids in the background. Javier wracked his brain for the right things to say, but everything he wanted to say he couldn’t. “Finish it quick, okay?”

“That’s the plan.”

“And stay safe. I can’t lose one of my only friends.”

“Oh?” Javier said. He felt an easiness take over him. “What about Lorraine? I thought she was your friend.”

“I said one of, and you’re my best friend anyway.” He can hear her eyes roll. “I mean it though, we all miss you already.”

“Tell the kids I said hi, okay? I’ll call another night when there’s time to talk to them.”

“Will do.”

“Take care of yourself, okay?”

“I should be saying that to you.”

“Em.”

“I will. I promise,” she said. “You too, Javi.”

Journal Entry August 8, 1994 Dear Javi,

I bet you spend all day behind a desk and hate every moment of it. It makes me laugh each time I think about it. It assures me that you’re okay too. Fancier job means a safer job, right?

As his first day back came to a close, Javier felt like he’d been there for a year. When he found the sticky note with the name of a nearby bar on his desk presumably left by Neil, he told himself one drink wouldn’t hurt. This time would be different. The mantra felt almost meaningless already. Similar things had been echoed in his meetings all day. This wouldn’t be like Escobar. There would be law and order and protocol. Politics were more important than ever. The world was watching now. 

One drink and then home. That was what he told himself as he sat down at the bar, ignoring his coworkers at the corner table. Pulling off his suit coat, he motioned the bartender ordering a whiskey. He turned down Neil’s invite to join the group. The guy was too eager to kiss his ass for Javier’s liking, put him up on a pedestal for taking down Escobar as if he hadn’t been suspended at the time. 

He swallowed the whiskey as soon as the glass was set in front of him. Then, he ordered another. Javier wasn’t sure how long he sat there, but it was too long. He rubbed his thumb over the crease of his forehead trying to talk himself out of the opportunity for stress relief sitting in front of him. The group in the corner had dwindled to two. A blonde he hadn’t met and the brunette he met at the beginning. Neil had introduced her. Karen? Katherine? Katie?… Katie sounded right. 

His staring wasn’t subtle, wasn’t flirtatious like he’d used to do it. If anything, it was creepy, staring at her while thoughts raced through his head. The mantra shortened until it was only a couple words as he tried to talk himself out of it. Different. Be different. It echoed over and over in his head. 

The bar was practically empty by now. She looked up and smiled at him like he wasn’t being a creep. He didn’t return it, still deep within his own mind. 

“Pretty girl.” Javier’s head snapped around to find fucking Bill Stechner of the CIA at his side. He slid onto the stool beside him. “Displays some shaky judgment in men though.” He looked at Javier.

Javier glanced away from Bill, looking over his shoulder as if to convey his annoyance with his whole body before turning back to him. He forced the briefest tip of his lips, the closest thing to pleasantries he could summon for the man. 

As most conversations with the CIA agent do, Javier was left with a sour taste in his mouth, the innate craving for a cigarette, and his failures thrown in his face. Then, Stechner laid it all out for him, the way things would go whether Javier liked it or not. Cali’s surrender. The facade of justice for the Cali Cartel. He didn’t like it, any of it, and he wasn’t sure why he came back in the first place, or why they even needed him. The DEA didn’t. He was just a pawn in Stechner’s game. 

“Cali will serve some time,” Bill said. He doesn’t look at Javier, keeping his eyes pinned to the bartop. “Technically speaking.”

“And that’s enough for you?” 

The look that crossed Stechner’s face is something akin to a blend of annoyance and patronizing as he met Javier’s eyes. “If there were any justice in this world, Javier, you’d be in jail.”

It was only half a second before Javier averted his eyes, the shame of what he did flooding him. He wasn’t the hero everyone acted like he was. Stechner knew that. Javier kept quiet. 

“I know your guys are running an operation on Cali tonight.” Bill stood, putting enough cash on the bar to cover his and Javier’s tabs. “I can tell you this, it’ll come up double zeros.” More silence. “These guys don’t make mistakes. You try and go after the Cali bosses, all you’ll get is more bodies.” 

Stechner finished off his drink, patted Javier’s shoulder, and walked out without another word, leaving Javier with a bigger stress headache than he came in with. Try as he might, Javier couldn’t push it out of his head. He needed something, a distraction. He wouldn’t survive without one. 

Javier finished off the whiskey in front of him. He rubbed his forehead, searching for any relief. Different. It seemed quieter now, further away like his resolve was slipping. He needed to be anywhere that wasn’t here, shut off his brain.

He stared straight ahead, eyes glazing over, shining in the dim bar light as he pinched his top lip between his thumb and forefinger. Different. It felt useless, like he was bound to fail. A whisper of an oath. Maybe there was no different for him.  

It was almost instinctual, the way he glanced over, eyes meeting hers. She offered him a soft small now sitting alone at the table, cigarette held between her middle and pointer finger, like she had been waiting for him.  

“This is Peña. Leave a message.” BEEP.

“Hi Mr. Javi! It’s me, Ale. I miss you already. You should call me soon.” 

“Alejandra, who are you on the phone with?”

“Mr. Javi’s voicemail.”

“Ale, it’s expensive to call Colombia. Hand me the phone.”

“Oops.” She giggled.

A long sigh crackled over the line followed by a pause. “Hey Jav… I guess I’ve paid for the next couple of minutes, I might as well use it. I suppose you’re already working late since it’s after eight. Don’t let them work you too hard, okay? And you should still return my call.” More dead air. “It feels silly to miss you as much as I do. I feel like I haven’t talked to you in days… Oh! I got into that class I was waitlisted for. Anne is willing to work with my school schedule so I still get my hours in at work.”

“Mommy!” A voice calls out in the background as a crashing sound follows it. 

“Shit” The machine clicked off. 

Javier woke up tangled in his navy sheets with the same stress headache and a greater hankering for a cigarette than he’d had in months. Katie slept soundly on her side next to him, back facing him. Her brown hair spread out over the pillow. She hadn’t tried to cuddle, and thank god she understood what last night had been. 

Without a second though, he reached for her purse, careful not to wake the naked woman next to him as he eased into a sitting position. Relief flooded him when his fingers glided over the pack of cigarettes and lighter. 

There was no hesitation as he put the cigarette to his lips and flicked the lighter to life. The nicotine flooded his body for the first time in months. Finally, he found some relief. 

Journal Entry  August 13th, 1994 Dear Javi,

I’m sure it’s nothing. I’m sure you’re okay. Dad said there were no reports of anything happening. You’re just busy, with your first week back and all… 

Alejandra asks every morning if you called her back. Mateo asks too. I think he’s hoping for stories of chasing down bad guys. Even Miguelito asked about you. 

We all miss you so much. 

Javier played the voicemail over and over, but he couldn’t bring himself to call back. He hadn’t lasted a day into the job without reverting to old habits. He’d fooled himself into thinking things could be different, into thinking if he did this the right way, if he brought down Cali the right way, he could be worthy of her one day. 

The whiskey burned on its way down. 

Journal Entry August 15th, 1994 Javier, 

I swear if you went and got yourself killed on your first week back, I’ll never forgive you. I won’t even say any nice words at your funeral. Imagine that, your best friend holding back all the nice things about you. The world can just remember you to be the asshole you showed them.

Seriously though, signs of life would be appreciated.

…………………………………………………………………..

Taglist: @angelofsmalldeath-codeine @burntheedges @southernbe @fanyyoouu @greengirlwurld

@mysterious-moonstruck-musings @weho2kcmo

[flufallo]

Um.... I found a random quote generator

Cat king: Hello all, it is I, your favorite person.

Charles: Actually, Edwin is my favourite.

Cat king: Okay then, it is I, that bitch.

Edwin: Do you have a self-care routine?

Jenny: "Keep going bitch" said to myself in different accents.

Charles : Do you guys want to see a butterfly?

Niko: Ooh, yes please!

Jenny, with their laptop open: I'm not going to stop working to look at a stupid bug!

Charles: It's not a bug though...

Jenny: ...

Niko: ...

Jenny: Well I still don't want to see.

Niko, realizing: Please don't throw-

Charles : Whee! *throws a stick of butter*

Monty: Edwin keeps forgetting which WiFi network they're supposed to use.

Monty: So I renamed ours to "Edwin, use this one" to help them out a little.

Charles: How would you like your coffee?

Crystal : As dark and as bitter as my soul.

Charles, shouting to someone behind the counter: I need one vanilla latte with extra cream and sugar!

Cat king: Fuck you.

Esther : No u.

Cat king: I'm down.

Esther : You're like 2, what the fuck-

Cat king: I AM NOT 2!

Cat king: Monty is a strings kid. We must sacrifice them to the band gods.

Charles: Yes.

Crystal : You're right. It'd be a good initiation for me.

Monty: Wait, guys, what about the truce we signed-

Charles: What truce?

Cat king: *sigh* The truce that we must destroy all the choir kids and leave the strings alone.

Esther : Wait, I'm a choir kid!

Everyone else: *prepares for sacrifice*

Squad reactions to being called straight:

Jenny: The fuck, no I'm not.

Edwin : Excuse the hell out of you?

Cat king: Ding dong, you are wrong!

Charles: Who told you that? And why did they lie?

Niko: Rude.

Esther : *punches the person*

Cat king: FIGHT ME, YOU NERD ASS SLUT!

Esther : At least try to sound slightly more sophisticated when you threaten someone.

Cat king: Oh, I'm sorry. I should ask; dost thou want to engage in a duel, my good bitch?

Esther : Somehow that's worse

Jenny: Well, if you're not at least a little bit gay for your friends, then what kind of friend are you?

Monty: What makes a bigger memory than a passionate kiss?

Edwin: A stab wound.

Jenny: You are now one day closer to eating your next plate of nachos.

Monty: That's the most hopeful thing I've ever heard.

Niko: But what if I die tomorrow and never eat any nachos?

Crystal : Then tomorrow is nacho lucky day.

Niko: I just want someone to take me out.

Crystal : On a date?

Cat king: With a sniper gun?

Esther : Both if you're not a coward.

Esther : OKAY, YOU KNOW WHAT?! TIME OUT! GET ON TOP OF THE FRIDGE! GET UP THERE!

Monty: *Climbing* THIS HOUSE IS A FUCKING NIGHTMARE!!!

Cat king: Is this mistletoe?

Edwin: Uh, no, no, that is basil.

Cat king: Too bad cause if it was mistletoe I was gonna kiss you.

Edwin: Yeah, no, it’s still basil.

Charles: You know what’s funny about Edwin? They’re my best friend, and anyone who’d hurt them is someone I’d murder, probably.

Charles: I’ve only had Edwin for a day and a half but if anything happened to them I would kill everyone in this room and then myself.

Cop: What are your names?

Esther: Don't tell them, Cat king.

Cop, writing: Cat king...

Esther: Crap.

Cat king: Nice going, Esther.

Cop:

Cat king: Uh oh.

Monty: I’m taking a look at your numbers, and it doesn’t look good. You have a lot of measurements. Quite a few variables.

Charles: Is that… bad?

Monty: Variables are the #1 risk factor for outcomes. The past is a big contributor to the future.

Charles: Isn’t that just causality?

Monty: Causality is the leading cause of death in this country.

Charles: So what are my odds?

Monty: Do you have a family history?

Charles: Of what?

Monty: Just, in general.

Charles: …Yes?

Monty: Oh no.

Niko, texting Edwin : *sends a voice message*

Edwin , texting back: I’m a little busy, is it urgent?

Niko: No, don’t worry, just listen later.

*later*

Edwin : *presses play*

Niko's voice message: THERE’S A FIRE-

Monty: Onion rings are vegetable donuts.

Esther , used to Monty being dumb: Sure...

Monty: Your stomach thinks all potatoes are mashed.

Esther : Okay?

Monty: Lasagna is spaghetti flavored cake.

Esther :

Monty: Lobsters are mermaid scorpio-

Esther : Jesus, that one is a little-

Jenny, interested: No, no, Monty, keep going.

Crystal : But we’re friends! I was building up to calling you a nickname soon!

Edwin: That’ll never happen! In fact, you just lost “Edwin” privileges. From now on, you can call me by my last name or ‘Hey, you.’.

Crystal : Come on, Edwin.

Edwin: *glares*

Crystal : Come on, Hey you.”

Crystal : That shirt looks great, Charles.

Charles: Thanks.

Crystal : But I bet it would look even better on Edwin's floor.

Edwin: Are you hitting on Charles... for me?

Cat king: What do we think of Monty?

*pause*

Charles: *sighs* Nice pal.

Crystal : I think they're gay.

Esther : What am I supposed to do?

Monty: If I were you? I’d try and make peace with whatever deity, pantheon, or Divine Other you believe in.

Esther : I’m an atheist.

Monty: Then just get ready to die I guess

*playing twister*

Crystal : Right hand red.

Charles: *ends up on top of Edwin *

Edwin: You're doing this on purpose, aren't you?

Crystal : I stopped spinning like 15 minutes ago. Honestly, I'm surprised you didn't notice

Cat king: So... who's the big spoon and who's the little spoon?

Edwin: We're chopsticks!

Cat king: Well... that's cute!

Cat king: Does that mean you two snuggle together perfectly?

Charles: No, it means that if you take the other away, the only thing the other is good for is stabbing.

Monty: Do you want to play 20 Questions?

Edwin: Sure!

Edwin: Whats your favorite color?

Monty, laser fucking focused: Triangle. Do you like men?

Edwin: I love the term 'partners'. Are we dating? Are we robbing a bank? Are we the dedicated detectives who investigate these vicious felonies and are members of an elite squad known as the special victims unit? Who knows

Cat king, to Esther : All right, let’s tell each other a secret about ourselves. I’m going to go first– I hate you.

Cat king: I’m a bad person, I’m a very bad person, I’m a horrible person.

The Squad:

Cat king: No you’re not, Cat king! We still love you, Cat king!

Esther : This should be illegal!

Jenny: It is.

Jenny: What scares you guys the most?

Charles: Werewolves!

Niko: Sharks.

Edwin: The unstoppable marching of time that is slowly guiding us all towards an inevitable death.

Monty:

Monty: Edwin.

Charles: What do you think Cat king will do for a distraction?

Edwin: They'll probably, like, make a noise or throw a rock. That's what I would do.

*Building explodes and several car alarms go off*

Edwin: ...or they could do that.

Charles: Pfft, you should meet Niko, they're such a tsundere.

Monty: They... they just stabbed you.

Charles: So cute.

Cat king: All in all, a 100% successful trip.

Niko: But we lost Esther .

Cat king: All in all, a 100% successful trip!

*Cat king falls over*

Monty: Cat king! Are you alright?

Cat king: Is that you, God?

Monty: What?

Cat king: It's just, you sound a lot more like Monty than I expected.

[sentientcave]

Part 1 - Part 2

Contains: Gals being pals, homoerotic speculation, brief mentions of alcohol and kink (conversationally)

SFW - Word Count: ~2.8k

You only had a few days to get used to living with Soap before she was gone again, but now, without her exuberant presence, the apartment feels emptier than it did when it was just you living there. You fall into a familiar pattern, running the occasional errand, but mostly just getting up, getting coffee, going to work and going home. It’s… lonelier than you expected.

You’re not sure when to expect her back. When you’d asked, she’d just laughed. “As long as it takes, kitty. Dinnae worry. I’ll have Katie send ye the rent if I’m no’ back before month end.” She didn’t explain who Katie was, and you were a bit afraid to ask. She’d probably just tell you that it’s a classified matter anyway.

The idea that she could be gone that long, or even longer, makes your stomach clench with worry. Perhaps you’ve only known Jamie for a week or so, really, but she’s already gotten under your skin and made a home for herself. There’s signs of her all over your apartment too— The big green couch, her 3 in 1 soap in the shower (That you’re pretty sure she didn’t use once during the days she’d been there, electing instead to use your products), her winter jacket in the closet, her ‘going out’ boots in the hall. A picture of her and her cousins stuck to the fridge with a Rangers Football Club magnet. It’s the only picture you have of her, and it’s many years old, featuring a gangly, teenaged Jamie that hadn’t filled out into the powerhouse of a woman that you’d met.

You’re wiling away the hours at work, when your favourite barista, Alex, comes in after her shift and chats with you while she browses the romance section. She only ever buys the ones with horny oil paintings on the cover. For the aesthetic, she says, but you're pretty sure she's just a harlequin fan. You can’t blame her. You love a good romance too.

"You ever go to those workshops?" she asks while you’re cashing her out. She gestures at the board behind you. "I've been thinking about going to the ropes one, but haven't worked up the courage to go alone."

"No! I probably should sometime. I think my landlord runs one of them. I'm not sure which though." You slide her books into a paper bag and hand her the receipt.

"Here. I'll give you my number in case you ever want someone to go with. I think it could be fun." She scribbles down her number on the back of her receipt and slides it back across the counter to you with a smile. “I’ve been thinking about—”

The door jangles. “Heya, kitty!” It’s Jamie, grinning ear to ear, a freshly healed scar on her chin and a bandage on her arm, covering half of her SAS tattoo. She sidles past Alex and comes around the counter to hug you tightly. She smells like sweat and gunpowder. She must have come straight to you after getting home. “Missed ya. Been a right slog the last few weeks. Ghost got hisself shot and ugh, he’s all fine out in the field, carryin’ on no problem, but as soon as we’re back at the safe house he’s cryin’ about how much he needs me tae take care of him. Just an absolute wet biscuit of a man.” She glances over at Alex, like she hadn’t even noticed her standing there. “Oh, hello, cutie. Sorry, didnae mean to interrupt.” Her eyes zero in on the reciept with the phone number scrawled across it.

“Oh, it’s, um, it’s fine,” Alex says nervously. “Are you— Um—”

“Alex, this is Jamie. She’s my new roommate. Jamie, Alex. She works at the coffee shop down the way.”

Jamie sticks a hand out, but leaves her other arm wrapped around you. “Nice ta meet you. Been in there a couple times but ye must work the mornin’ shift, aye? I’m always due on base early mornin’.”

“So, you’re, um, military?” Alex asks. She winces slightly when Soap shakes her hand.

“Sure am. Sorry, hen, didnae mean to squeeze so hard. Ye get used to it bein’ a bloody cock measuring contest with the lads on base. Gotta adjust for civvies.” She smiles apologetically. “What were you girlies goin’ on about before I came in? Don’t want to leave your conversation unfinished before I get to monopolizin’ our girl’s time, aye?”

“We were just talking about the workshops. On the board. Alex mentioned that she was thinking about going to the ropes one.”

“Is that the one yer handsome landlord runs?” Soap asked. “And is it like, knots for boats and whatnot, or the fun kind? Wouldnae mind tyin’ ye up, kitty.”

“I’m… Not sure. It’s kind of unclear, but there’s an email listed. I’ll get some clarification.” You give Soap a side-long glance. She looks a bit more excited than you’re sure what to do with. “And besides that, there’s no way I’m letting you tie me up.”

The light in her eyes only gets more intense. “You gonna tie me up, kitty? Have yer way with me?”

Alex clears her throat, looking a bit nervous. “Well, um. I’ll see you around. Text me and let me know about the course. Or if you just want to hang out. I’m free after one like every day.”

“I can also keep you apprised of when we get a truck-load of harlequins in, give you the first go through,” you say. “I’ll see you Wednesday, eh?”

“Yeah. Bright and early.” She smiles at you. “And, um, nice to meet you, Jamie the roommate.”

“See ye around, Alex the coffee girl.” Soap waited for the door to close behind Alex before she spoke again. “Looks like she’s got a little crush on ye, kitty. Didnae know I had so much competition.”

You roll your eyes. “She doesn’t. She’s just being friendly.”

“Oh sure, kitty. Me too.” Soap withdrew a step and leaned against the counter. “Ye want to come out for a pint tonight? It’s a tradition, with me and the lads. We go out, get blootered, captain goes home early, Gaz flirts with someone’s girlfriend, and then we have a scrap outside an’ Ghost breaks it up. Ye can help him, it’ll be good ta have another voice’f reason to balance us out.”

“I think a pint is a far cry from, er, getting blootered,” you say, laughing. “But sure. I don’t start work till eleven tomorrow. I can stand to get a little silly. So long as you’re sure the lads don’t mind. I don’t want to overstep.”

“No’ possible. They like you a lot. Maybe a little too much, if ye ask me. I’m goan to head home and get cleaned up, aye? Do ye mind if I eat the leftovers in the fridge? I’m starvin’.”

“You already ate them, didn’t you?” you ask. There was really no other reason why she would know that there were leftovers to eat.

“Weal. Yes. But yer a kind soul, kitty. I knew ye’d say yes. I’ll buy all yer drinks tonight tae make up for it.”

“Oh fine,” you say. It’s hard to even imagine being mad at her. You suspect that it’s a waste of energy, when she’s just a big puppy dog of a person. Scolding her for anything isn’t likely to change her behaviour, it’s just going to make her feel terrible during the scolding. And you don’t quite have the heart to scold Soap, with her big blue eyes. “I was going to go round to the shops tonight, so maybe you can go tomorrow? I have a list, and I can give you money for it. I just work till five and I won’t have a chance.”

“I can do tha’, kitty. When d’ye get off work today? Three?”

“Five. A couple more hours. Shouldn’t be long.”

“Hours! Aw, c’mon, kitty.” She pouted, as though that were going to get you out of work any faster. “Can’t ye close up early? There’s no one here.”

“Jamie, it’s my job. If I closed up early every time I felt like it I wouldn’t have a job for very long, and then you’d be the one looking for a new roommate.”

Jamie grumbled about how she wouldn’t let that happen, as if she had any control over the state of your finances, but headed home to shower without too much more complaining, although she rather disconcertingly mentioned offhand, as she was heading out the door, that she would go through your closet and find you something cute to wear. You really hoped that didn’t mean pull everything out of your dresser drawers and make a mess.

Things pick up at the shop enough to keep you from dwelling on what Jamie was up to— And she was uncharacteristically quiet on her end as well, only texting you once with a blurry picture of Red Herring scampering down the hallway captioned with CREATURE SIGHTING, and a second one of her and Red cuddled up on the couch, faces smushed together. You take a sneaky picture of a customer with a yellow coat and bright orange boots with Big Bird: Confirmed written across it. You’re careful to leave their face out of frame, but you do feel a bit bad about it, and elect to ‘accidentally’ not ring through one of the books, giving it to them for free instead. The return text makes your transgression against public decency almost worth it.

LMFAOOO<

Finally, it’s time to lock up the store and walk home. It gets dark early now, and the sun is already setting over your street, the shadows growing long, the gold light of dusk painting the edges of the clouds, and the buildings with a little gilt paint. It feels good to know that Jamie’s home. You feel like you can breathe properly again, like you’d been holding your breath for weeks and weeks, not knowing if she was alright. You’d been sleepwalking through your days, and you’re finally awake again, able to appreciate the colour of the sky and the half-familiar and familiar faces you walk by. You know you must be smiling, because you get plenty of smiles in return.

Happiness is an infectious thing.

You check the mailbox for the usual pile of flyers and bills, and sort through them on the way up the stairs. Mostly just junk, and your internet and credit card bills. And an envelope with so many stamps on it that your address is written off to the side in cramped letters. There’s no return address on it.

You unlock the door and drop your bag to the side, in it’s usual spot. Soap’s work boots are neatly placed beside the nearly identical ‘going out’ boots, dusty and worn in from the weeks away. Jamie is sitting at the table, scribbling in a notebook, Red Herring sitting on the table beside her, bapping at the end of her pen every time it approaches his side of the notebook.

"Hm-- Oh! Hi, kitty!" Jamie closes the notebook, tucking her pen inside, and gets up from her seat at the table. Her hair is wet, down around her shoulders to air dry, and she's wearing a tank top and a pair of black boxer shorts with a skull pelvis on them. You suspect that they belong to Ghost. The idea that he wears skulls all the way down to his skivvies makes you like him even more.

Are they dating? You're not sure what the rules are for military relationships, but you suspect that a lieutenant dating a sergeant is not allowed under usual circumstances. Not that you could blame them. Ghost is huge and actually pretty sweet, under the growly voice and mask. He was covered in cat hair by the time he'd gone home, all those weeks ago, because Red liked him so much. And Jamie was a tall, beautiful, muscled-up amazon woman. And they had their whole warriors bond thing going on. It wouldn't be a surprise for them to be interested in each other. The flirting she’s been doing with you is likely no more than just playful fun. You don’t really mind, you just have to keep yourself from reading into it too much.

“Welcome home, by the way,” you say as Soap grabs you into an even tighter hug than before. “I missed you. And I was starting to get worried.”

“You didnae get my letter?” she asked.

“Letter?” you ask. You hold up the envelope with all the stamps. “This?”

“Oh! Guess it didnae make it back before I did. No time to read it right now, kitty. Ye’ve got ta get ready.” She pulls the stack of mail from your hand and tosses it down on the counter before dragging you down the hallway towards your room.

“Do I have time to shower?” you ask mildly.

“Do ye need to?” Soap leans in and sniffs you audibly, trying not to laugh. “Smell fine to me, kitty.”

You giggle and swat her away. “I could smell better. But mostly it’s just so I can wash out the ponytail crease in my hair. It’d take ages to get rid of it otherwise.”

“Bah. Fine. I’ll wait in yer room, I found a few cute outfits for ye.”

“You don’t have to. I’ll be a few, if you want to get ready yourself.”

“Psshh, it only takes me a minute. Want ye to help me with my eyeliner too, if you don’t mind. Ye do that little swooptie thing? Whenever I try tha’ I cannae get them even.”

“Of course.”

You shower and towel dry your hair, and wrap your towel around yourself. It's one of those nice extra big ones that actually covers everything. You bought it after making a mad dash across the hall when Fern's boyfriend was staying over, trying not to flash him, and made the decision immediately after to not go through that kind of stress again. He had become a too-regular presence in your home to ignore in the months before Fern moved in with him.

Jamie makes you try on five different outfits before letting you settle on a skirt that hits around the knee and a flowy yellow tank top, and she finally goes to get dressed herself while you dab on makeup and style your hair. After weeks apart, having Soap back is refreshing, even if she does have a low tolerance for personal space. Out in the field, that closeness is probably necessary, it probably keeps her and her teammates alive, but here it only serves to fluster you and set your off balance. Jamie doesn’t seem at all aware what effect she has on you, and her flippant, flirty comments don’t help matters either.

Helping her do her makeup is the trickiest part, really. She’s twitchy and fidgety, and you end up pinning her flat to the flat to your bed, one hand holding her jaw and the other holding your eyeliner pen, a knee on either side of her rib cage. The angle is awkward when you do the other eye, and you have to lean in closer, steadying your wrist against her forehead. You don’t remove your hand from her jaw until you’ve finished either, well aware that she’ll start talking the moment you release her and make it impossible to finish up neatly.

“There!” you say, sitting back to admire your handiwork. She blinks up at you for a long moment, her blue eyes made all the more bright by the contrasting band of black on her upper lid. “Actually—” You twist and grab your makeup bag, and grab her face again, adding a swipe of peachy pink lip-gloss to her mouth.

Uncharacteristically, she just lays there for a moment, still quiet, looking dazed and flushed. For a moment, you feel a rush of… Well, you would hesitate to call it euphoria, but there’s a certain satisfaction in rendering Soap speechless and pink, when she’s an amazon, and you’re just a round little woman who’s idea of a workout is stocking shelves and crating books around.

But then again, you are sitting directly on her diaphragm, and you know you aren’t light. “Oh, goodness, I’m squishing you, aren’t I?” you scramble to get off of her, and offer her a helping hand up. “We should get going.”

“Right. Yeah. O’course, kitty. Let’s go.” She pulls in a deep breath, shaking off the daze, her familiar devastating grin sliding back into place. “Wouldnae want to keep the lads waiting, aye?”

Maybe it’s just wishful thinking, but you think, just maybe, she does want to keep them waiting. You snag a cardigan from your closet and stop to to give Redd Herring a scritch behind the ears before you follow her out into the hallway and lock up the apartment.

She offers you her arm, like she’s some kind of gentleman (which she would not be, even if she was a man), and you take it, looking forward to the night out.

***

Image Credits:

Top Row: 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5 Bottom Row: 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5 Background

Any other graphics used are canva elements

[spideesenses]

Half a Heart → Miguel O’Hara

pairing: miguel x gn!reader

warnings: angsty

prompt: miguel has a difficult time balancing out work and his personal life; you have received the short end of the stick countless of times.

Midnight rolled around & the empty spot next to you remains cold. Your heavy heart aches. You tried not to cry, but once that pinch in your chest comes to light, you can’t help the knot that gets stuck in your throat.

This was the 12th time this month that Miguel had left you hanging without any form of communication. 12th time the two of you had planned for a date & him not show up. You understood that he ran a business, you weren’t entirely sure what the business was, only that you would be safer if you didn’t know & to trust Miguel. Him not showing up was only a portion of the issue… the other part was him not communicating. Would you still be a little disappointed if he did communicate? Yes, of course, anyone would be if plans fell through last minute. But you wouldn’t have to hold onto this sliver of hope that just maybe… he’d make it this time.

You started thinking about how he hardly texted you as it was. You weren’t exactly the clingy type. You could be at times, but as a full-time worker, you understood that obligations come up. To make sure you weren’t crazy, you pulled out your phone. You scrolled, making note of the conversations that you had & all of them, were conversations that you initiated.

Two weeks ago

You — 6:56 AM good morning love, i hope you have a great day today. i miss you so much. i’m off at 5 today. any chance we can order takeout and have a movie night?💕

Miggy Smalls — 7:12 AM Buenos dias mi vida. I should be good for a date night, only I’ll be home at around 9 the latest. That okay with you? Be safe, i miss you xo💋

You — 7:15 AM sounds good. should i order from that thai place up the street?

You — 5:20 PM miguel?

You — 6:01 PM i ordered your favorite. should be here in 2 hours and a half. let me know when you’re on the way home. stay safe

You — 8:10 PM oh! i saw this and it reminded me of you. thought you might have a laugh [attachment]

You — 9:32 PM hey, you on the way? im throwing your food in the microwave so it’s warm when you get here!

You — 11:24 PM haven’t heard from you. hope you’re okay. food’s in the fridge🥺

Miggy Smalls — 2:12 AM Dios mios, lo siento baby. I’ll make it up to you, I promise

Two weeks ago

You — 9:44 AM hi! thinking of you. i miss you😭 little bit extra today.

Miggy Smalls - 10 AM Does my baby need a hug delivered? I’ll stop by with some lunch too.

You — 10:03 AM oh please! and a kiss too, while you’re at it🥺

Miggy Smalls — 11:45 AM Omw baby. Hang tight

You — 2:12 PM thank you for coming to see me today. it was very special to me & meant a lot. i love you

Miggy Smalls — 3:54 PM I love you baby. Of course. Sorry it’s been a while since we’ve spent time together, work can be unpredictable at times

You — 4 PM all good. just try to talk to me more, so i can be understanding, okay?

It wasn’t all bad. Miguel had his moments where he would show up for some cuddles. He wouldn’t stay long, but those moments were sacred to you. You cherished those moments beyond his imagination. Of course you did, you had to with how rare they were.

Tears rolled down your face as you went through your messages. You missed him so much. More than words could fathom. And with every single fiber in your body, you wished that you could stop feeling this feeling. Missing him was painful. It felt like your body was operating without its heart. Like you were walking around with only one shoe.

It wasn’t always like this either. In the beginning, Miguel was the one texting and calling you first. He was showing up to your apartment with food and a movie, or a puzzle he picked up. Actually, one of your first quarrels was how he felt like you weren’t doing these things for him. And you felt like these were things he enjoyed, so you didn’t want to take it from him; so the resolution was you would take turns. But that Miguel feels like he’s millions of miles away, as if he’s a completely different person.

You tried your hardest to distract yourself, but the screaming red light of your digital clock reading 12:56 PM only mocked you. You couldn’t get the time of his day. Could you even consider this a relationship?

The memories slowly peeled away in your head. Good and bad. And you really began questioning if the good really could outweigh the bad.

A shadow drifts across your window, causing you to sit up, immediately wiping your face with the sleeve of Miguel’s hoodie. If an intruder was going to get you, you’d be damned if it were booger-faced crying.

Immediately, your heart starts to pound in your chest; if the intruder didn’t know any better, it’d almost be as if you were knocking at the window. You reached for your bedside lamp, clutching it at the base, raising your arm as the shadowed figure presses their fingers to push up the window. Without hesitating, you swipe the lamp at the unnamed stranger.

“Ow! Babe?” you hadn’t even realized your eyes were closed shut and turned to the side. You peeked your eyes and there he was in all of his glory.

“M-Miguel?” you sniffled. You couldn’t help it. You saw him and your heart tore. The weld in your throat tightened as you swallowed.

“Baby, it’s okay. It’s just me.”

Only it wasn’t.