#i just cannot fucking stand what is being said in our community

[heyitslapis]

what fucking makes me want o rip my hair out when it comes to the security guy at work is that i'll even try to COMMUNICATE WITH HIM!!!!! (i know for people like us communication can be difficult & we often need specific clear wording and even then we have layers to peel back) When i cant tell if he's being sarcastic, i'll ask him genuinely, because as ive told him multiple times before the way he says things it literally cannot be interpreted as a joke (even neurotypicals at work have agreed with me in front of him) and always seems like he's being serious. i tell him this all the time and he acts like its fucking funny that im genuinely mad about the fact that he wont communicate back with me. Verbatim i have told him on multiple occasions "i genuinely cant tell when youre being sarcastic or making a joke because your tone is so flat and your face is so serious and deadpan and usually people will laugh or crack a smile a few seconds after the joke but you just stand there not expressing anything, even after i ask if its a joke because i genuinely cant tell"

YET HE CONTINUES TO FUCKING DO IT and then has the fucking GALL to laugh at me or call me gullible or naive when IM LITERALLY TRYING TO COMMUNICATE!!! bitch how tf am i supposed to know whats a joke and whats real when you act like im asking a fucking statue every time you say a lie or joke

[ronance4everbrainrot]

Moooore descendants 4 incorrect quotes with Glassheart/CharmingHeart (they back)

(and other ships)

Red: Sometimes I get so caught up on being gay that I forget I’m actually bi.

(Girl. Same)

---

Maddox: Man, I’m gonna get fat if you keep feeding me all these chips and junk!

Red: I’M NOT! I was eating them and you took them.

Maddox: You said I should try some!

Red: I said they were good.

Maddox: That’s not how I heard it.

(MADDOX! HIIIII! SOME LOVE FOR YOU TOO BUDDY!)

---

Red: Tomorrow’s the Cooking Contest. Maddox always tells me one thing every year. They say, “You might win if you’d stop eating your entry!” But how would I know whether it’s an award-winning dish without tasting it first? This may be a problem humanity will have to grapple with for eternity.

(AU. Red is a good cook)

---

Chloe: So how’s the food Red made?

Cinderella: It's great! Compliments to them.

Chloe: *goes to the kitchen*

Chloe: You're adorable.

Red: *blushes*

(again. Red is a good cook. She invites the Charmings for dinner and then asks them for their blessing when Chloe leaves)

---

Chad: we could make a boys club!

Maddox: Im non-binary.

Chad:

Chad: Anti-girls club.

(Slay. Also can't decide if Maddox should be green or purple. Maybe even orange but I chose green for now. Will change later if I'm in the mood)

---

Red: Can you PLEASE peer pressure me into doing my project?

Chloe: Do it or you're straight.

Red: I said peer pressure, NOT THREATEN!

(That's too far, Chloe! Are you mad?!)

---

Chloe: Operation no more distractions is a go!

*not even 10 seconds later*

Chloe: Oh, look! A butterfly!

(She's either laser focused or cannot concentrate at all)

---

Red: *clicks pen*

Maddox: *clicks pen in response*

Queen of Hearts: Stop that.

Red: Stop what?

Queen of Hearts: You’re talking about me in Morse code!

Red: Yes, that’s what we doing. In our very limited time, we took a class on a very outdated, very unnecessary form of communication just so we could talk about you in front of you. Congrats, you figured us out!

*later*

Red, to Chloe: That’s actually exactly what we were doing.

(I'm surprised you kept your Head. And they absolutely did learn that because they had nothing else they could do)

---

Chloe: Come on, Chad. Nobody actually believes that Red is in love with me.

Chad, to The Squad: Raise your hand if you think that Red is helplessly in love with Chloe.

*Everyone raises their hand*

Chloe: Red, put your hand down.

(*raises hand* what more evidence do you need??)

---

Chloe: The salary of a clown is 51,000 dollars.

Chloe, gesturing to Chad and Red fighting: And yet these idiots do it daily, and for free!

---

Red: When I first got my autism diagnosis, my first thought was “woah… it’s canon” and I think that maybe thoughts like that is why Chloe made me get tested.

(It is canon now. Headcanon)

---

Chloe: Anything else?

Red: Yeah. Stay away from me!

Chloe: Alright. See you in the room we share

(Literally them. Canon. can also be switched)

---

Queen of Hearts: If looking good was a crime, you’d be a law abiding citizen.

(rather that and not off with my head)

---

Queen of Hearts: We are gathered here today because someone- *glares at Red’s coffin* -couldn’t stay alive!

(Oop-. Damn. She would care more tho. I think..)

---

Queen of Hearts: So you're looking for information on this thing, huh? Well, I feel like it must be from far away.

Mal: What makes you say that?

Queen of Hearts: If it's something even I don't know about, then I'm sure nobody else must have a clue. So it's gotta be from some faraway place. Impeccable reasoning, isn't it?

Mal: Your Majesty.. You don't have a clue about this thing, do you?

Queen of Hearts: *screams in anger*

(Just a meeting between two Queens ✨. Canon

---

Queen of Hearts: Standing next to sunflowers always makes me feel weak like ‘look at this fucking flower. This flower is taller than I am. This flower is winning and I’m losing.’

Maddox: Wow, you are not ready to hear about trees.

(ssSSHHhhH. Not so loud. Don't want you to lose your head. Canon tho)

---

Red: I’m terrible at expressing myself.

Uma: Don’t worry, actions speak louder than words.

Red: Yes, but my actions are also bad.

(Girl same. Getting advice from the principal ✨ she probably did something 👀)

---

Queen of Hearts: God has let me live another day and I'm going to make it everyone's problem.

(She for real does make it everyone's problem)

---

Hope you liked it!

Wanted to add more but then it would have been too long.

So the next one has more of the OGs

Byeeee

[general-fanfiction]

Eshay Baby. (Anthony Vaughn x Chook's Sister Reader)

Word Count: 5.8K

Y/N Cooper and Anthony Vaughn had a complicated relationship, which becomes even more complex following the reveal of the incest map.

WARNING: This work is not intended for those under the age of eighteen as it does have mature content. This story deals with alcohol, sexual content, drugs, explicit language, violence, death and triggering topics such as sexual assault and abuse.

A/N: I really hope you enjoy this fic as much as I do, I am a sucker for an ex's to lovers trope! This will be an ongoing series with each chapter correlating to a different episode! Love you! x

Fuck you Monday.

I am not a bad person. At least, I don’t believe I am. Research suggests that people become products of their environments, in fact, there’s an entire theory surrounding the self-fulfilling prophecy which suggests that if environmental factors such as the people and community surrounding you believe you will turn out a certain way, you will. It’s something to do with the phrase ‘if that’s what people think I am, then that’s what I will be.’ For as long as I’ve been alive, I have done my best to combat this. Not wanting to prove the countless social workers, mental health professionals, teachers and police correct. I am a good person.

My brother on the other hand, that’s slightly more complicated. He’s four years older than me, he understands and remembers more of our childhood than I do. It’s not something that we often talk about, him opting to avoid the subject entirely not wanting to reminisce on the past. His words not mine. I don’t blame him for this, nothing I can remember is positive. Being passed from one distant relative to the next, each being significantly worse than the last. Until one day we ended up at the home. I can only imagine what other horrors he may remember.

Hence why I stated it’s complicated, everything he does, he does for us. That’s the way it’s always been. Not once has he failed to protect me, agreeing to be my legal guardian the moment he turned eighteen in order to remove me from the clutches of any government mandated home. I’ll forever be grateful to him for that, and so I could never argue that he isn’t a selfless man. Not when it comes to family.

Others may disagree with me, believing he is cruel, callous and cold. Inherently evil is a term that has been used to describe him many times before. I’ll be the first to admit that there are times when I don’t agree with his actions. However, I don’t believe this defines him as a person. People are so complex and have many different layers that somebody cannot be defined by one small thing. So would I say he’s a good person? No, but I also wouldn’t say he’s a bad person. He’s just different.

“Your brother said to tell you he’s setting off in ten minutes so to make sure you’re ready.”

The soft voice at my doorway startles me, too focused on applying my lipgloss to notice the boy standing in the doorway. As I glance up at him through my mirror, I’m hit by the unmistakable stench of marijuana that seems to flood the room. My nose scrunches, slightly disgusted by the thought of my brother and his friends getting high in the living room at eight am on a monday morning. Continuing to apply multiple layers of the shimmery pink gloss, I notice the figure is still standing in my doorway, his back turned to me, stance appearing almost awkward as he scratches the back of his head nervously.

“Cash you can come in.”

He turns to face me, hesitantly stepping through the threshold into my bedroom with a small smile on his face. Closing the old wooden door behind him, only to almost be knocked out by the numerous bags I have hung up on the back of my door.

“That’s a lot of bags.” He comments, resulting in a small laugh from me due to him stating the obvious.

Beginning to gather my textbooks, notebooks and any other supplies I may need for school, I notice Cash standing silently simply observing my bedroom. It’s a stark contrast to the rest of the house. Walls painted a burnt amber with photos and posters plastered up anywhere I could reach. Crocheted blankets are thrown over every piece of furniture in the room and my window stays wide open, allowing the bright morning light to flood the room, the gentle breeze blowing just enough to allow a melodic hum to reverberate through my wind chime.

“Your bedroom is nice. It’s homely.” Cash tells me, waiting patiently as I continue to throw things into my bag.

“Not a chance in hell was I letting Chook decorate my bedroom with graffiti.” I laugh, throwing my chunky black cardigan over my shoulders before the eshay opens the door for me, being the gentleman that he is and allowing me to exit first. “There’s another spray paint to cover a skatepark in here as it is.”

My finger traces one of the many swirls of blue spray paint that lines the hallway as I speak, eliciting a chuckle from the boy that follows behind me. Entering the lounge, I find Jayden and Tilla sprawled out on the sofa, eyes glazed over and it’s clear that they’re both stoned out of their minds. Chook sits on the armchair that he’s claimed as his own, nobody else dares to sit there, knowing it’s his seat. He’s playing with the car keys in his hands, eyes fixed on the unconscious man laid out at his feet. Occasionally nudging him with his foot in an attempt to humor himself.

“Who’s that?” I question, capturing my brother’s attention for the first time since we set foot in the lounge.

“Fuck knows brah, couldn’t handle his drinks though clearly.”

With one last surprisingly gentle kick to the stomach, Chook rises from the chair. Ruffling my hair as he strolls past me and towards the front door, much to my annoyance. I sigh quietly, swiftly smoothing my hair down, to which Cash does his best to muffle his laugh as we follow my brother out the door. Stepping over yet another unconscious man as we leave the house.

Hartley High is only a twenty minute drive, most of which I spend in silence, trying my best to enjoy the drum and bass that erupts out of the speakers as we fly down the streets of Sydney. Chook was never one for following the speed limit, no matter how many times I lectured him on the importance of driving safely.

We pull into the car park outside of school with an ear piercing screech, slamming to a halt directly outside the gates, the unnecessary amount of noise causes many students to look in our direction. Many whispering to their friends as they gawk at us, I do my best to keep my head down as I clamber out of the vehicle. Embarrassed by the commotion Chook has caused.

“Don’t get expelled!” Chook yells out of the car window as Cash and I trudge reluctantly towards the quad. Not wanting to dignify him with a response, I simply throw my middle finger up behind me, hearing his raucous laughter followed by the screech of his tires on the asphalt once again.

“You reckon this year will be any better?” Cash inquires, knuckles white due to how tight he is clenching the strap of his fanny pack that is thrown over his shoulder. He’s nervous. Contrary to what people believe, Cash is a sweet boy. He’s so loving, caring, considerate and kind, he has a lot to offer the world we live in. Nobody seems to see this though. Believing Cash is a good for nothing eshay that will make nothing of himself upon leaving school, most likely following in the footsteps of his mother and ending up in prison. Even he himself believes this.

“I don’t know mate, maybe for you, I mean you technically don’t even need to be here. I don’t have a choice unfortunately.”

“Yeah but that just means you’re stuck with me for another year kiddo.”

“I am literally a year younger than you.” I sulk, giving him a gentle shove in order to express my annoyance. “Besides, you wouldn’t have screwed me if you saw me as a kid.”

Cash stops in his tracks completely, I smirk, pleased that I’ve rendered him completely speechless and offer him a quick wink from over my shoulder as he jogs to catch up to me. We agreed to never speak of it. A one night hook up when we were both heavily under the influence of certain illegal substances. My heart was in pieces following the breakdown of mine and a particular church going brunette’s secret relationship. If you could even call it a relationship, we never exactly labeled anything, nor made anything public. However, it felt as though my heart had shattered, I’d never experienced anything like that before. Not even the pain of my childhood compared to this.

One thing led to another and Cash and I were stumbling into bed together. Both of us knew it was wrong, Chook would kill Cash if he ever found out. Fortunately it only happened once and while I wouldn’t say that I regret it, it did definitely put a strain on our friendship for a while. Mostly due to him being terrified of me telling my brother.

Remembering the memory, I can’t help but smile to myself. Even if it was just for that one night, Cash made me feel whole again. Like I was worthy of finding love. The dopamine from the positive recollection seems to crash like a wave over my body, uplifting my mood drastically despite heading into what is ultimately prison for the next seven hours. That is until I catch a glimpse of the one person I was hoping to avoid completely for the next year.

Anthony Vaughn.

“Oi there’s a fully gacked sex map in the old stairwell.” Shouts from the redheaded girl catch my attention and I’m grateful to be provided a distraction. “It’s called the incest map!”

Students from all directions flock together in a sprint towards the old stairwell. The scene could be described as something out of a nature documentary when a pack of wild animals chase after their prey together. It’s wild and chaotic, completely undignified. So, with a quick glance at one another, Cash and I also follow the crowd, taking off in a run to identify what a ‘sex map’ truly is, and why it is so interesting that the entirety of our school is racing at full speed just to catch a glimpse.

I thank my lucky stars that I’m not claustrophobic when I eventually manage to squeeze my way through the horde of students. Names are scrawled in huge letters across the wall, each with different lines and symbols linking one to another. There’s a key chart to the left hand side and it’s safe to say nobody’s sexual endeavours were safe due to how graphic the key chart was.

The usual suspects are on the map, those who aren’t quiet about their partaking in hookup culture, such as Darren and Dusty. Those in relationships are also unsurprising, for example Missy and Sasha are of course linked, having only just recently broken up. Other names however do manage to shock me, for one I was not expecting to see Quinni’s name on the map, nor was I expecting Cash. Following the three lines connected to his name, it’s only then that I realize in bright red letters accompanied by a pair of devil horns, is my name.

Y/N - hooked up - Cash. Y/N - blowie - Spider. Y/N - fucked - Ant. Y/N - destined - Ant.

With each passing second it feels like my heart has stopped, secrets revealed to the world that were supposed to never see the light of day. How did anybody know about this? Sure, Spider may have blabbed about me giving him a blowjob, most likely bragging to his two best mates about it as though I’m his latest conquest. However, what happened between Cash and I, as well as Ant and I was meant to be kept quiet.

With trembling hands, I begin to anxiously scan the room, looking for any sign that somebody other than myself may have noticed my name. Catching the eye of the brunette, who stands timidly between Dusty and Spider, I discern that he is just as concerned as I am. Fearful of the consequences of this coming out.

“Yo Ant, you fucked the eshay’s sister? Nice one bro.” Dusty shouts, clapping his friend on the back which only leads to the red blush on his face to creep to an even deeper crimson.

“You got further with her than I ever did.” Spider comments, a mischievous smirk spread across his lips. “Why didn’t you tell us?”

Ant simply lowers his head, eyes focusing on his shoes which appear to be a lot more interesting than the map in front of him. I can’t lie and say it doesn’t hurt that he won’t speak about us, but at the same time, I understand. With mates like his, I would want to keep things hidden from them too, especially if this is how they react. Not to mention his overly religious family upbringing and the overwhelming amount of shame he is afraid of bringing on his family.

“Hey, you okay?” Cash whispers, hand faintly grazing mine in a subtle attempt to offer his support.

“I was just about to ask you the same thing.” Offering the mullet wearing boy a forced smile, trying to cover up the embarrassment of suddenly being the center of attention.

Continuing to stare at the map in disbelief, only the shouts of rowdy teenagers can be heard as they find more and more connections on the map that they hadn’t seen upon their first inspection. A few even run out in tears, the map ruining many people’s relationships, outing people and just causing pure humiliation for everybody that has their name scribbled across the wall.

“Hey, do you reckon if we ask real nice, Y/N will let us double dick her?” Spider asks Ant obnoxiously loud, nudging him as they both look over in my direction. Humorless expression evident on my face. “What, we’ve both already been there.”

Spider’s comment is directed to me, with him and Dusty both finding the utmost amusement in the entire situation. Ant, on the other hand, looks as though he wants the floor to swallow him whole, unable to make eye contact with me.

“Are you sure you’d be able to get it up? You and I both know how difficult it was for you last time and that was just for a blowie.” Without giving Spider a chance to respond, I’m pushing through the sea of teenagers, who are now staring eagle eyed between the blonde boy and myself. Invested in the very minor argument between us, a chorus of laughter can be heard at Spider’s expense. Even Dusty seems to take amusement in the mortification of his friend. As I brush past the trio, it’s hard to ignore the self-consciousness on their leader’s face. I can’t help but feel a small sense of pride, knowing that my comment really got under his skin. Eyes trailing over each of the guys, I notice that Ant is already looking at me, a regretful look on his face.

Unlike his two mates, Ant has always been the more caring of the three. Whilst still partaking, somewhat reluctantly, in the shenanigans that the other boys rope him into, he has always had more of a guilty consciousness. Often disclosing the amount of regret and guilt he felt due to some of their actions. Though, he made me swear that information to secrecy, not wanting the boys to view him as weaker. It’s one thing we regularly argued about, with him being unable to fathom the idea that having morals and a consciousness doesn’t make you any less of a man.

The deafening shrill of the school bell sounds whilst I stomp across the quad, alerting me of the fact that I should be headed towards the gym for the mandatory back to school assembly. Yet, I can’t bring myself to face it. Wanting to avoid Spider for a little while longer while I can in the hopes of steering clear of another confrontation. Half an hour into the new school year and I’m already wagging, what a great start.

Without turning to look back, I can hear the shuffle of feet as everybody begins to pile out of the old stairwell. Heading into the main school building, still, I tread on. Doing my best to sneak behind the science block and finding solace in the old dunnies that were closed off to students back in the nineties. Technically, nobody is supposed to be back here, I’m risking detention just by being here, though Cash and I continue to use it as a safe space to hide from the world whenever we need peace.

Rummaging through my bag, I’m quick to find the box of Marlboro Gold’s that I always keep stashed at the bottom, just on the odd occasion that I do feel the urge to smoke. It used to be a rare occurrence, these days, unfortunately it seems to be more of a recurring problem. I’ve hidden the habit from just about everyone in my life, not that Chook would care, he’s done far worse that I ever have. I just don't want people to perceive me as any less that they do now, I know smoking is a dirty horrible habit and yet I can’t seem to quit. So, as I spark my lighter, inhaling the toxic fumes, I begin to take comfort in the calm that fills my body from the lungs outward.

“Shit, sorry, I didn’t think anyone was gonna be in here.”

My eyes sweep up from the ground, and if the baggy jeans and tie dyed jumper weren’t enough of a give away as to who stood before me the cross chain hanging from his neck certainly did. It’s the first time he’s actually spoken to me directly since the night everything came crumbling down eight weeks ago. When my eyes lock with his, I can’t help but take in his beauty as if it’s the first time I’ve ever seen him and before I can react the cigarette is falling out of my fingers.

“I didn’t know you smoked.”

He points to the ciggie that is now beginning to burn out on the concrete floor. With an awkward laugh, I quickly pick it up, stubbing it out on the wall, humiliated that he caught me.

“I don’t really,” Playing with the ends of my hair as I desperately try to think of an excuse that doesn’t truly reveal the extent of my habit.

“Just needed to destress after this morning.”

“Yeah, crazy morning, right?” Ant asks, leaning against the doorframe as he attempts to make small talk with me. “Actually, do you have another one of those?”

With raised eyebrows I nod swiftly, pulling the pack out of my bag and offering them to him along with my lighter. He lights his and I do the same, after all I didn’t exactly get to finish the first one on account of dropping it on the ground.

“You wagging assembly too?”

My voice is quiet, unsure on whether he actually wants me to make conversation with him or he’d prefer to sit in silence. Despite my best attempts to not make it obvious, I watch as he takes a drag from the ciggie, allowing the smoke to delicately fall from his lips. It’s awkward not knowing where I stand with him, sure, what happened was a while ago now and I’d assumed we’d both moved on but that doesn’t make the entire situation any less awkward.

“Couldn’t face it, Spider and Dusty wouldn’t stop hounding me for all the details and I just needed some space.” Ant admits, picking at the skin around his fingers between drags.

“Oh right, I can leave if you want some space, I don’t mind.”

Grabbing my bag and hauling myself off the window ledge, I throw the end of my ciggie to the ground, ready to leave. That is until his hand grabs mine gently, his touch soft as I’m forced to stop and look at him.

“No, stay. You should stay.”

Ant offers me a small smile before letting go of my hand, the touch so fleeting and yet it still manages to make my heart flutter even just the tiniest bit. Sitting beside him on the cold, mucky floor, not minding the dirt if it means that Ant and I are one step closer to mending our friendship. Truthfully, I miss him. I miss him as a friend more so than anything. Our bond was one that you don’t find much in life, one that others struggle to comprehend.

“I owe you an apology.” His words catch me off guard, unaware that he felt the need to apologize to me, let alone, doing so on the first day back at school. Granted it hasn’t been any ordinary first day back. “I was a complete dickhead to you and you didn’t deserve it-”

“Ant you don’t need to explain yourself.”

“Nah, I do. I think I knew I couldn’t be the guy you deserved, and I got scared. It’s no excuse, I know that. Just believe me, I didn’t mean any of the stuff I said to you that night, I was so pissed, honestly, I hardly remember any of it. All I know is I woke up with the worst hangover of my life and you weren’t there.” He stops for a moment, collecting his thoughts with furrowed eyebrows, trying his best to put what he wants to say into words. “You weren’t there and then I saw the messages. Y/N, I’m so sorry. I didn’t ever want to hurt you.”

He’s staring at me intently, eyes trying to find any glimmer of emotion on my face in an attempt to determine what I’m thinking. Opening my mouth to respond, I find myself rendered completely speechless. As I focus on Ant, I can see the worry in his eyes. Uneasy as to what I may have to say.

“Shit, sorry, I’m no good with words, I-”

“Stop talking Ant.” I mumble, putting an end to his rant before he can even properly begin. “Cheers for the apology, it means a lot.”

“Do you hate me?” The question is blurted out before he can stop himself. Shocking even himself judging by the way his widened followed by his head falling to his hands.

“I could never hate you. You should know that.” I tell him, his whole body instantly less tense as the relief floods through him. “I’ve actually really missed my friend. We should’ve never complicated things.”

I almost miss it, but there’s a flash of pain in the browns of his eyes as I say those last words, though he nods in agreement. The silence that follows is no longer awkward, instead it’s tranquil. Plainly embracing the warmth of the early morning sun in one another’s presence feels relaxing compared to the events that unfolded prior. Blissfully enjoying the reblossoming of our once torn apart friendship.

“If it isn’t Anthony Vaughn and Y/N Y/LN. You’ve not even been back a day and you’re already wagging.” Ms Woods’ tone is extremely unimpressed as she addresses us, evidently not happy that we’re getting into trouble this quickly. Ant and I can’t help but hold in matching mischievous grins. “My office now!”

—---------------------------------------------------------------------------- “So what were you and Ant doing in the dunnies together?” Cash mumbles the minute my brother is out of earshot and inside Harry’s diner, no doubt trying to chat up all the girls who are trying to eat their chippies in peace.

Slapping him straight in the chest, my eyes flicker towards the door of the diner, wary that Chook will pop out at any second and overhear our conversation. He feigns annoyance, dramatically throwing his hand up to his chest, acting as if I’ve just shot him.

“Oh my god, nothing!”

“I saw your names on the map Y/N, can you blame me for thinking you were trying to cop a root?”

“Shut the fuck up! Nothing happened okay?” I whisper as aggressively as I can, playing with the hem of my pinstripe mini dress in the hopes that I can distract myself from this conversation.

“I dunno, Amerie seemed to think you two were destined.”

“Who’s destined?”

Chook’s voice alarms me, head snapping up to spot the slightly older, male version of myself walking only mere feet away from Cash and I. His casual demeanor suggests he hasn’t overheard the rest of our conversation for which I’m thankful. Locking eyes with Cash, I shake my head in the subtlest way possible so he knows not to say a word. If Chook found out about the map, not only would I be dead, but Cash as well, so it’s in the best interest of both of us not to open our mouths about yesterday’s events.

“Spider and his imaginary girlfriend. That boy is gonna be in a serious relationship with his hand for the foreseeable future.” The lie slips off my tongue so easily that it’s rather concerning. Chook doesn’t question me, though why would he? I learned from the best.

“Sure. You prepared for the cemetery tonight kid?” Chook asks Cash, not even bothering to look up at him as he stashes the boot of the car with countless amounts of junk food he had just collected from Harry’s. “Thank god you stayed at school for another year, since this little bitch didn’t wanna take over as our connect.”

“My bad that I didn’t wanna be running around, pushing drugs for you for the rest of my school life.” I argue, Chook pulling faces as I speak in response. Deciding that this is an argument not worth having today, after all, it’s one we’ve had many times before.

“Yeah, all good brah.” Cash chimes in, answering Chook’s question to put an end to our petty argument before we can take it even further. Before we can get physically violent, even if it is only in a playful manner.

“You two best get going hey, maximize profit and all that.”

Cash doesn’t need any further instruction, hopping on his motorbike after passing me his fanny pack to store in the bag on the back. Something he always does in order to ensure that all his supply is kept perfectly safe while he drives. I’d consider it smart if I didn’t know it was drugs he was keeping safe. Chook jumps in his car, nodding in our direction as he flies out of the car park with Jayden and Tilla shouting out of the window at us. I can’t help but smile at their antics.

Cash offers me a hand on to the back of his bike, hiking my tiny dress up even further so that I can throw my leg over the vehicle. Wrapping my arms around his waist tightly, he watches in his mirror for me to nod before taking off. A habit he picked up when he first began to drive me around on what I like to call his ‘death trap’.

Dance music is belting from the many speakers when we arrive at the cemetery, a fire pit glowing in the middle of the makeshift dance floor as people crowd around it. The sun is already setting as we arrive, illuminating the party in a way that looks angelic. Upon reaching one of the many piles of drinks, it’s hard to notice Amerie dancing crazily, along with Darren, Quinni and Malachai. I point it out to Cash, the pair of us surprised that she has any friends left considering her actions.

Parting ways with the eshay I find taking a swig from one of the numerous vodka bottles before grabbing a bottle of bus, watching as Cash immediately begins to get to work, Sasha instantly running over to him the moment she spots him alone. Rolling my eyes, I plant myself further away from the party, sat with my back against one of the decrepit headstones.

I’ve always been more of an introvert. Opting to be a wallflower and observe rather than be the center of attention, unlike my fellow classmates who all seem to thrive when the spotlight is on them. I hate Amerie for forcing me into that spotlight.

Between sips of the slightly warm lager, I begin to roll myself a joint, figuring I may as well attempt to have a good time at the party. Even if it isn’t my ideal Tuesday night. I couldn’t let Cash come on his own though, not when he’s working for my brother.

“You are a bad girl Y/N Y/L/N.” Ant’s voice shouts from a short distance away, strolling towards me with a cheeky grin slapped across his face. “What is this? The second time I’ve caught you smoking now?”

“Right well I was just about to offer to share this with you but I guess not now.” I joke, lighting it up as Ant flops down beside me. “And technically, I haven’t even smoked this yet so you’ve only caught me once.”

“It totally counts!” Ant argues, waiting patiently as I take a couple of puffs before handing him the joint. “How’d your brother take it when he found out about the map?”

“You’re safe if that’s what you’re asking. I haven’t told him and he’s not the type of bloke that answers the phone when Woodsy rings.” He hands the joint back to me, fingers brushing mine tenderly. “Your mum?

“Not great. Amerie really fucked things up for me, I have to go to church three more times a week now, all because of one wristy and well you know.”

“Did you tell her the truth about us?” I inquire, wondering if he did come clean completely about our situationship of sorts.

“Nah, I told her it was just the once.” He admits, glancing at me sheepishly, almost embarrassed to recount the memory. “Figured that was better than telling her the truth. I may have also turned her that you were my girlfriend at the time, you know, to kind of make it better. Not that she approves of premarital sex or anything and I know we didn’t label what we were but it sounded better in the moment. I hope that’s okay.”

“Lying to your mother Anthony, that’s not very christian of you!” I gasp, to which he snatches the joint back out of my hand in retaliation, laughing along with me.

“Fuck yourself.” Ant chuckles, blowing the smoke directly in my face without any warning, causing me to descend into a fit of coughs.

“What’s the deal with you and Cash anyway? You two a thing now?” Ant’s not looking up at me when he speaks, all his attention fixated on the crowd of teenagers partying in the distance. Anxiously pulling blades of grass from the ground beneath me, I continue to gaze at him, a sigh falling from my lips as I had hoped he hadn’t noticed the line between Cash and my name. It was inevitable that it was going to come up, I had just hoped it would be something that people skirted around, not asking any direct questions.

“Nah.” The word is faint, shaking my head, my eyes fall on the boy in question, completely unaware that we are speaking about him as he stands in conversation with Darren. “We’re just mates.”

The boy nods besides me though I can tell he doesn’t truly believe me, still unable to look in my direction. Nudging him slightly, I give a small smile when he does hesitantly face me. “We hooked up once a few weeks ago, I was pretty much black out and he was just there. It was a fucking stupid decision.”

“Just mates though?” Ant asks, more of a rhetorical question, as if to reassure himself, much to my confusion as I can’t see why it would matter to him whether we were just mates or not. “Okay but who was better?”

Bloodshot eyes and a lazy smile indicate to me that the joint has hit him quicker than either of us expected. Warm blush present on his cheeks, his head tipped back against the headstone , gazing up at the stars that begin to light up the late summer skies.

“You’re so stoned.” I comment, completely dodging the question in the hopes that he’s too high to remember what he had even asked.

“Just like old times, yeah.”

Ant’s fingers brush over my hand just barely, the touch so slight that I wouldn’t have felt it had I not been looking in that direction. Thumb softly tracing circles across the back of my palm, skin feeling as though its been set alight with every small movement. Turning my head, I find Ant already staring at me, mouth curved upwards into a slight smile.

“I wish I never cooked it with you.”

Despite knowing that he is as high as a kite, his words still manage to catch me off guard. Forcing me to pull away, leaning back to take him in properly. From his somber expression to the deep intensity with which he looks at me, awaiting a reaction.

“Cops!” Before I can respond, shouts from the party grab my attention. Head spinning round to see the chaos unfolding, teenagers running in every direction, some scream, whilst others laugh. “Cops! The cops are coming!”

“Oh shit.”

Discarding the bottle I had been nursing, I hop to my feet within seconds, Ant, who now looks surprisingly sober, does the same. Without hesitation, he is grabbing my hand before we take off in a sprint, running in the opposite direction of the flashing lights and sirens that are rolling up to the gatho. As the crowds disperse, I find myself scanning through the seas of people, looking for a certain eshay that would get into a lot of trouble, should he be caught. “Where’s Cash?” Voice breathy, I force Ant and I to a halt, searching my entire field of vision for any sign of him, head spinning so fast that I’m shocked I didn’t give myself vertigo. “Ant, I can’t see him. Where’s Cash?”

“Y/N we need to go.”

With his free hand, Ant easily slides it around my waist, using all his strength to pry my feet from the pavement. Regardless of my unwillingness, I allow the boy to lead us away from the party. Not wanting to run the risk of getting caught, so instead I recite prayers in my head that Cash also hasn’t been caught.

Upon reaching the locked gate, Ant wastes no time in easily pushing me up so that I can scramble over the metal. He does so with ease, a proud display of his strength and it makes me blush. Reminiscing on the ways he used that strength before.

Running hand in hand down the noiseless streets of Sydney, I find myself giggling at tonight’s events. The prospect of an exciting, if slightly chaotic year eleven rises upon the horizon and I can’t help but display my enthusiasm at seeing where the next few months take me. (Hopefully, with Ant by my side, but nobody needs to know that.)

[bubbles-for-all-of-us]

Also again no pressure to write but you know I'm a sucker for a happy end and for Lorcan so his sister being mad at him kills me 😭💜😂

I knew you would fall victim to this😂

Part I here

The light we cannot see II

His ego was bigger than he was. Not an amazing asset to have at times. So Lorcan stuck to what he knew best. Beating the life out of a practice dummy as if there was no tomorrow. Letting his anger flow through him. Growling at himself each time the punch didn’t meet his standards. “You will harm yourself”, the voice made Lorcan jolt slightly. His nostrils flared as he looked at the man he least wanted to see. “If I was you I would go the fuck away”, he grunted, turning back to throw another punch.

“She’s back, safe and sound in her room. Thought you might want to know that”, Rowan tapped his hand on the doorway arch, before inching to step out of the training grounds. “Why?”, Lorcan called out into the night. His back was to Rowan but he could tell that the male stalled as well. “Why her? Even more so how and fucking when?”, turning in full force Lorcan glared at the male who was oozing calmness. “I can’t help my heart, I wanted her from the moment I saw her”, Rowan stated firmly. “Is it only your heart?”, it was a low dig. Out of them all Rowan was the last to sleep around. “I haven’t had sex with your sister if that’s your way of asking”, Rowan started, “I’ve been seeing her for a couple of months. She hasn’t even agreed to be mine, not until you approve”. Lrocan swallows thickly. Eyes burning into Rowan. He wanted to hate him. To find nothing but bitter frustration. “You know Maeve and you willingly put her in danger”, Lorcan points a finger at Rowan. “Don’t you think that it keeps me up at night? You think I’m not scared for her?”, now the tone picks up as he steps closer to Lorcan. “News flash, that thought alone kept me away from her for decades but I can’t…”, Rowan’s voice dies down, “I…”, his eyes burn into Lorcan and he knows exactly where this is going. Knows that if that word leaves his mouth then no power will be on his side.

“I think she’s my mate”, Rowan runs a hand through his hair. And Lorcan can see the tremor there. “She doesn’t know and I won’t just drop it on her but… I… Put yourself in my shoes, Lorcan”, Rowan shakes his head. Lorcan closes his eyes letting his head drop. The silence stretches between them. “She is the only good thing that came out of our fucked up family, Rowan”, the males stand there looking at each other, “She is too good for this world, and if you…”, “I would rather take my own life than watch her hurt”, Rowan cuts in, “I love your sister. I want to give her everything”. Lorcan simply nods. “I hate you, for now at least”, the dark wielder point out, dropping his gloves he slips out of the training room.

He stands outside your door for almost an hour. Losing the number of times he had lifted his fists to knock on your door and backed out. He doesn’t apologize. He doesn’t take back the things he says. He’s never wrong. But it’s different when it comes to you. “For fuck sake, just come in”, the door swings open, your tiny frame barely filling the frame. “How did you…”, he trails off before his sibling instinct prickles as well. A gift your mother had left you on her dying bed.

“What do you want?”, you grunt, crossing your arms over your chest. “I talked with Rowan”, he hopes that would win him extra words to say before you’re kicking him out but your expression doesn’t change. “I’m sorry about what I said”, he sighs, “I… I shouldn’t have brought our mother’s fate into this. You’re not her and Rowan isn’t our father”, he states firmly. Your sadness crushed his soul as he watched your sad eyes. “I understand your fears but…”, you trail off shaking your head.

“I know and I am sorry”, he reaches out, pulling at your hand, “You know that I’m a bastard. I suck at communicating”. You huff, “Tell me about it”, “I just want you to be happy and if Rowan makes you happy then so be it”, Lorcan squeezes your hand. “I’m still pissed at you”, you point a warning finger at him before letting yourself be pulled into his arms. “I’m selfish, I don’t want to share my light with anyone else”, Lorcan kisses the top of your head. “Just because I found a partner doesn’t mean I’ll stop being your little sister”, you reach up flicking his nose. Lorcan rolls his eyes, “Maybe I should just ship you out to Rowan”, you let out a fake gasp, “Don’t threaten me with happiness”.

[hazelfoureyes]

You are so much more patient than me because if some kid sent me that shit (or anything, really) on my explicitly MDNI blog I'd have some very adult words to say about that

Oh anon, FELT! I originally typed something in my drafts that was… so annoyed and honestly spoke down to him. 😅 I am unfortunately mostly human, even if the goblin in me grows daily. But OOOH I was ready to goooooooooo every part of it ruffled my feathers! A minor so rudely breaking the DNI, a rhetorical question implying I was doing something malicious, a viewpoint that hurts the community he is in. HuuuUUUUUUUH????

But when I checked his profile to see if I was speaking to someone who was aroace, I saw his age and the list of identifying labels and realized …. Oooh this is a baby queer who probably sincerely believes he is standing up for himself and his community. Which is probably why he wasn’t on anon, he was proud to fight for his position.

Tried my best to channel my inner Patient Elder Queer. He is still learning about the communities he can find acceptance in and he is full of misdirected passion to protect what’s important to him. I get it.

He deserves grace, if I can muster it. 👀

Just like he should offer grace to those who are AroAce and Ace that do have sexual lives.

And grace for the members of our wider community who are exploring the spectrum still trying to find where they land with who they are now.

Oooor maybe he was a troll or didn’t anticipate I’d see it in my sea of notifications 😂 But I’d rather be kind to an asshole than miss an opportunity to be kind to someone who needs it. 👌🏼

(That being said — minors please. Just—- I’m a fucking stranger on the internet who writes graphic sex scenes. I really cannot be your friend on here and chat about my writing if you’re under 18. It’s a whole big thing I can’t tack on here.)

(Referencing why smut with an ace character?)

[mewmewpercy]

So the second Natlan teaser dropped today in the most recent special program and the reactions have been very mixed from what I've seen. Before I start I'd just like to say everything I say here is based on what I've seen on TikTok.

Okay so first I'll give my opinions on it. I think it's very unsurprising but disappointing. Between leakers saying the characters would be darker skinned and the small threads of hope remaining after Sumeru I was holding onto some sort of anticipation by a thread. So of course when I tune in to the special program immediately after waking up and scrub through for important things only to see three new characters that look the same tone as an average real life white person I was disappointed but once again unsurprised.

I'll admit right now I have no clue what amalgamation of cultures Natlan is supposed to be throwing together because I've heard things ranging from West Africa to Latin America to Hawai'i so if anybody knows please kindly inform me because I'd love to know.

From my perspective it's pretty average. Three new units. They don't look terrible I guess? I know nothing of what cultures they're meant to represent so I won't comment too much on them but I suppose they look okay. Obviously I wish they were darker but that's too much to ask so I'll wait for figuring out their cultures for when I inevitably do a recolour.

Now for the not so fun part which is addressing the community response. I'm getting the bad part out of the way which is the racists and white folks defending it because "It's a Chinese company what do we expect". I cannot keep having the same conversation about this. Hoyoverse does their fucking research for every single region they do when it's based on other cultures and time and time again they've fumbled the bag. Not just in genshin but I'll save their Penacony fuckups for later.

Hoyoverse being a Chinese company is no fucking excuse for them to do as much research as they do into these cultures only to give us white or greyed out tans as our only skin options. There's no fucking reason to research history and culture and then give it to a blinding white cast time and time again when everyone knows damn well there's more often gonna be people of colour living in these places they're so inspired by. I'm sick of people who don't get racially oppressed saying "well lighter people live there too" because that's not the fucking point. It hasn't been and won't be.

As an American I barely get a say because that is my birth country. As an African American however I think I'm allowed a say in this conversation. I will not for a moment pretend I have it as bad because I just don't. But I'm not pretending when I say I'm sick and goddamn tired of this consistent behaviour out of this billion dollar company. I'm sick of people with no foot in this race telling people who get rightfully upset at the lack of diversity to make their own games or stop playing because we give valid complaints. Hoyoverse can make darker characters and can do more than the consistent rat tail and split back hair because there are enemy characters(which I'm gonna pretend it doen't feel racist that only enemies get this) with darker skin and locs.

I'm very grateful to the people on TikTok calling out this behaviour and expressing their upset. Like I said I have very little foot in this race because I'm not having my culture directly stolen from in this game(I reiterate. Penacony is my enemy.) but I still wanted to express my opinions on this. Like I said I'm disappointed not surprised and just tired of the constant fumbles for what could be awesome designs and representation. There's no more areas for people to say to wait on so unless they miraculously churn out all darker skintones with our next Natlan characters we stand right where we did two and four years ago with next to nobody for skin diversity.

[painonthebrain]

So are you a proshipper now? /genq

Honestly I’m sorry but I find this a loaded question because there was an anon just like you making the rounds a while ago — and also, according to its official definition proshipper is literally someone who is anti-censorship and anti harassment. Which I believe is a must to believe in if you are in the whump community.

I’ve honestly had this stance for a while. I’m very much against fictional media being erased and hidden for its content. You know, that Hayes Code type shit. It’s kinda evil to me.

Anyway I find the whole pro/anti discourse to be, well… extremely fraught with discourse. It’s not helpful or very nuanced. Like I said in my earlier post, if what I do makes you uncomfortable, you have every right to unfollow, block, do whatever you need to make your time on the internet here safe and comfortable!

I’m sorry but I can’t just offer you a box to check that tells you if you should avoid me or not.

Anyway, if this is regarding me posting about incest lately, let me make some stuff clear to u.

I know just how awful incest is in real life. It can ruin people. I know why. In fact, it’s that exact knowledge that can cause me to have intrusive, distressing thoughts about it in real life. I am extremely aware of how awful that and honestly, every other awful thing is.

I really think it’s weird how incest and pedophilia could be framed as worse than torture or brainwashing or manipulation or killing. All of it is abhorrent in real life. You can argue about what’s worse until you’re blue in the face but it doesn’t matter, it’s all disgusting and awful. And by that logic, therefore it must be awful in fiction.

What I create isn’t reflective of how I feel about incest in the slightest. Or really anything for that matter. Do I actually want people to be enslaved and turned into pets? Do I actually want people to become unwilling test subjects for unethical experimentation? Do I actually think torturing people is cute and fun? NO.

So, by proxy:

Do I actually think incest is good in real life? Do I actually want people to get into incestuous relationships? NO. FUCK NO. But damn it if I’m not allowed to explore the subject within fiction through all types of lenses!

This type of stuff is just for my own enjoyment! It’s just saying “Wow, what if this fucked up thing happened?” and going with it! We as humans process our thoughts and feelings through play and imagination and creation all the time and this is all the same for me. I like creating about incest and looking at fictional incest because of a myriad of things, including just how different it can be from reality. In fact, that discrepancy is part of the reason why incest through “rose tinted glasses” in a fictional light appeals to me.

Anyway that’s where I stand. I am just firmly of the belief that the human brain and the realm of fiction are two insanely complicated things and that we cannot boil the subject of fiction and creation and censorship like this down into two separate groups with deep, deep misunderstanding between many of their members.

[bellysoupset]

On the LukeBell domestic bliss front, how about a minidisc of Luke just crushing from afar and getting mushy/aroused/take your pick. Like Bell is presenting on backend dev for a work conference and he’s watching her without her knowing and just melting into a puddle and cannot wait to grab her when she’s done?

only if you want, of course.

Your wish. Is. an ORDER

---------

Routine had finally, thankfully, settled for them. After graduation, depression, a head injury, a new job... Finally it seemed like their days were monotone and they couldn't be happier.

It went like this: Lucas woke up at 6 AM to go to the gym, where he usually caught up with Leo, who arrived at the same time as Luke left. Back home at 8:00 AM, he showered and woke up Bell at 8:30 AM, who was always incredibly grumpy first thing in the morning. He got in the shelter always a bit earlier than he was supposed to, a quarter to nine and worked until 5 PM, when he came back home to get dinner ready, since Bella worked until 6:30.

Sunday mornings they both helped in the shelter's kitchen, Tuesday night's Bella had kickboxing classes and during Wednesdays nights, Luke participated of the community baseball team after work and Bella had DnD sessions.

Their routine worked, so Luke was terribly pouty when the baseball game that night got cancelled due to the heavy rain and he was forced to go back home early. He was looking forward to the chance to spend some of his energy and now felt antsy.

Bella's voice was filtering through the front door as Luke unlocked it, stepping inside and shaking the rain off his hair. She was sitting in the living room and raised her eyebrows as she saw him, but whatever explanation Luke had for his early return flew out of his mind as he took in his wife's appearance.

She was wearing an old crop top with bat see-through sleeves, a billion rings, black lipstick and a red choker, as well a cheap vinyl corset and a just a pair of black tiny boxer shorts, which he guessed was because the webcam only was filming her from the waist up.

"So as I was saying, I cast a spell to shapeshift into a fawn," she said in a slightly deeper voice, theatrically moving her hands and laughing as someone in her online game room said "work it girl!" "our Katara is almost as good at the ATLA movie one," "Just as accurate as well-"

"Shut up and roll the dice," Bella whined, but she was smiling and Lucas dropped his apparel bag at his feet, leaning against the doorway to watch her.

She looked so. fucking. hot. The corset was squeezing her waist and pushing up her boobs in a way that made his head spin.

"Two," another woman read the results, "sorry, Eve, you turn into a bull and they spot you immediately."

"Fuck!" Bella cried out and sat back down, pouting. Luke tuned out her game, shutting the door and circling their tiny living room, so he was standing right behind her open laptop in their coffee table. Bella glanced at him, but still pretended she was paying attention to her DM.

"Fuck. You," Luke mouthed, almost resting his chin on top of the laptop, causing Bella to frown and turn her head.

"Why?" she mouthed, while in the chatroom, laughter exploded as her character was chased by angry vampires.

Luke grinned, "I-" he pointed at himself, "Am. Going. to. Fuck. You," he mouthed, clearing it up and Bella's cheeks turned red, but she ignored him, shooing him away with her hand that wasn't showing on camera.

Instead of being shoed away, Luke sat down on the rug so he wouldn't show on camera and nibbled at her fingertips, pressing a kiss to the inside of her palm. She moved her fingers, nails scratching his cheek, then up and getting tangled in his humid hair and Lucas kissed the inside of her wrist.

When Bella didn't hang up the call, he planted his hands on her thighs, leaning in to plant a kiss there...

"Eve, what do you think we should roll for?"

Bella shook her head, seeming to have lost her focus, "I- Uhm-" Luke smiled smugly, trailing his middle and index fingers up as if they were walking on her thigh and sliding them under her boxer shorts- "Guys, I gotta go! Sorry!" Bella exclaimed and she didn't even wait for the response, closing her laptop in a rush.

Luke chuckled, "Sorry?"

"No, you're not," Bella glared at him, before wrapping her arms around his neck and falling on top of him in the rug, "now I was promised something..."

"Only if you do the witch voice," Luke chuckled, grabbing her waist and pulling her up so she could straddle him.

"You're such a nerd," Bella rolled her eyes, kissing him.

[davekat-sucks]

This is was supposed to be a simple ask but it ended up getting long because of there being too many question and discussions but barely any answers so sorry about that.

On the topic of WhatPumpkin sometimes we all have to wonder what the fuck is going on behind the scenes, the latest news we got werent that much and it felt more of a like "Hey guys we are still alive dont forget about us" situation and it doesnt help that we cant really get any info because of how the only guy that Im atleast aware that works on it and is online is James and although I have no source because it was months ago, when beyond canon came back I remember him getting asked about Hiveswap and i dont remember if he answered it on the blog or on a reddit qna but he had said he cant really do much about it because hes just the music guy on that department and not an director or writer and he probably cannot say whats going on if hes aware of even the minimum because of NDAs and you know the situation is weird when not even the new director for post canon can do nothing about it or doesnt know what the fuck is going on over there either (i believe its more of the former).

On the same topic Hussie jumping the ship in my opinion feels like such an awful move in a moral and community sense, he hires fucked up people and ends up going through development hell and instead of trying to fix it he just runs away and gives someone else the work. He becasically invited destruction to that place by not doing background checks and shit and now everyone else but him has to suffer for it. I wonder if WhatPumpkin will close business after they finish Hiveswap (if they even manage to finish it) or if their writting quality wont be bad if they try to do Hauntswitch now.

I also sometimes wonder if Hauntswitch was made first maybe things could have been better. Think about it:

It happens on the Human World and you play as a cool kid looking troll and that could open the doors for a lot of potential to explore more about the Earth on the Homestuck universe and its conspiracy theories and also give us more video game parody mechanics.

The whole conspiracy theory Jude had that iirc had even the USA presidents connect to may be right considering the easter egg that shows some sort of cultists standing outside the mansion we see on the background and watching the events unfold.

We would get more answers for whatever the fuck those creatures that attacked the manor where.

another good dog best friend to fill the bec shaped hole in our soul <:

Exploration of what SkaiaLabs exactly does.

Overall sounding like an awesome story itself, a alien coming to earth and fighting a cult related to the presidents with a human companion. Especially considering how Dammek sounds like hes an asshole and also because of how trolls are usually violent could lead to interesting interactions.

I might be wrong and biased though but I feel like that concept could attract more outsiders than Hiveswap could ever wish to do. And hopefully thats it and that I wont waste almost an hour of my life rambling about this stuff (for my own sake because i feel like i could have spent my time better but i also need to post this somewhere and i dont use social media most of the time and when i do its usually to see fanart, memes and overall discussion of my fav franchises) but I probably will in the future.

It's cool with this ask. You brought up many good points here.

Yes, the question about Hiveswap was asked in a Q&A back in October 30th, 2023 from James Roach here (Archive ver for backup). The news about development should be something more like how Toby does with the Deltarune newsletter. Monthly, maybe do a special event ARG thing that gives insight of what's coming up, or anything like that. Though even with that, it might be probably too little too late since we are at 11 years since the Kickstarter had funded. Probably doesn't help since 2 million dollars was wasted, it's a mystery how the game is still being worked on if the original Kickstarter money that was given to them, had been used up. What is WhatPumpkin's new source of income then? Do they have a second job they aren't telling us about? Are they using part of that Patreon money from Beyond Canon since technically there are some that work within Hiveswap too like James? Then there's the fact Hussie not only wasted the money, but basically left the Kickstarter project he started in the first place. He may own it and be credited as the creator, but he won't be involved in the future Acts and Hauntswitch. I'm surprised nobody is pissed at him for scamming them out of 2 million dollars. Do people not care if the original person who hosted it left? Especially with the truth come to light thanks to Gio's research on this. I wouldn't be surprised if WhatPumpkin does shut down because they couldn't gain the sales needed after releasing Hiveswap Act 3. People will probably wonder if even buying stuff from Topatoco would help or not with HS merch like the prints slowly resurfacing. Drawing in the crowds from old and new to play the game will be tough. I wouldn't be surprised if Hauntswitch was first made in mind before Hiveswap. Dammek even had a 3D model ready too.

Likely back when it was still a 3D game, we would control briefly but then after the cutscene of them being transported to the other planet, we would then have to take control of Dammek, have him meet Jude to possibly have him find a way to help him back home, and the pair would adventure on Earth itself for the rest of the game to find out about the monsters and the cult. Dammek's paranoid nature would play off Jude's conspiracy theory pretty well as it has the two involved looking deep into the mystery. I wouldn't be surprised if something about the cult would eventually tie in to his home planet and the rebellion as a final grand twist. An idea like that sounds more interesting than some girl getting lost on an alien planet and was roped into some rebellion that she has no reason to be part of besides being concerned for a friend.

[broomsticks]

finally getting to this (TY to @billsfangearring for the rec) and thinking that the entire thing should be mandatory listening for anyone and everyone who wants to participate in fandom. I learned so much about fannish history, zines, fandom on the internet, the creation of FFN — also hell yeah to whoever of the podcasters is a snarry/ tomarry shipper — but mostly seconding this very hard

maybe i’m especially in my fandom history feels thanks to femslash february & @lumosatnight’s HP femslash history thing, but — this basically yall, i’m so emotional. (timestamp approx. 2h15m in).

fanlore article: An Archive Of One's Own (post by astolat), a proposal that astolat posted to her LiveJournal in May 2007.

First, why fanfic is not illegal and why YOU should stop saying that it is even if you don't agree, by cesperanza. Please read it. That said, the people behind fanlib (talked about many places, see astridv here) don't actually care about fanfic, the fanfic community, or anything except making money off content created entirely by other people and getting media attention. They don't have a single fanfic reader or writer on their board; they don't even have a single woman on their board. They're creating a lawsuit-bait site while being bad potential defendants, and they deserve to be chased out being pelted with rocks. But even if they were, which I doubt is going to happen, because hey, they have people and money, we're still left with this problem: we are sitting quietly by the fireside, creating piles and piles of content around us, and other people are going to look at that and see an opportunity. And they are going to end up creating the front doors that new fanfic writers walk through, unless we stand up and build our OWN front door.

every time i think i cannot love ao3 more i find even more to love and respect about it & everyone who contributed to creating it. what an empowering story this is, you all, about taking OWNERSHIP and mobilizing the community and building the places, MAKING the spaces you want to have. being the change you want to see.

and this list of desired features —

- allowing ANYTHING -- het, slash, RPF, chan, kink, highly adult - giving explicit credit to the original creators while clearly disclaiming any official status - making it easy for people to download stories - options for people to post [recursively transformative works inspired by] the original story, all of which would automatically be linked back so you could see the kind of interconnecting 'web' of how our work is interrelated - automatic rec lists (just click on a story to add it to your rec list) - mentoring: collect up writing advice, fannish history, acafandom, and create a simple FAQ (integrate a wiki?)

!!! these values!! HISTORY and COMMUNITY fucking HISTORY and COMMUNITY.

what we’re doing is LEGITIMATE, it has VALUE and it is REAL.

it is alright if not everyone cares about everything or indeed the same things, it is alright if no two people see things the same way or perfectly align in fandom interests and preferences and headcanons, but there is so much to celebrate and uplift about each other. we have so much in common. so much.

also happiness has meaning and catharsis has meaning and exploration has meaning, art has meaning and creativity and individual expression is meaningful, for the creator if no one else , and is worthy of celebration and love if only because life and living is fucking hard, yall.

ahhh i am so sad and angry (that this was our fandom history! that it was such a struggle! that even now there is so much infighting! that some things i love are not as popular and widely loved compared to other things (that i also love!)) — but i’m also so touched and SO grateful that this is our fandom history because wow is it one of triumph and empowerment and community collaboration. it was dreamt and then proposed and then built, from scratch, and we’re adding to it every day.

and then the timeline stuff (the post was made may 17th, 2007! the domain names were registered may 30th! the first donations came in september 2007 and the site was operational as we know it in 2009!) holy shit!

ahhh i love fandom and all this gift economy and joy.

p.s. there’s also a part 2 with olderthannetfic(’s fandom backstory lmao). which i’ve only just started listening to so expect a similarly in my feels post about that in uhhhhhhh two months

[thelador-s-mclargehuge]

Prologue

(The Hastag for these is #HKR-BTS)

So I’ve been thinking about how I’m gonna start doing a Behind The Scenes for Hollow Knight Resurrected And, while I’ve put a ton of theming in the series. I think there’s one theme that really permeates the whole thing. This theme kinda came about by accident… but it’s the least surprising thing in the world that it’s all over these videos, because it’s how the videos came to be at all: Never let anyone tell you that rage and spite cannot create something beautiful. Especially if the thing you’re raging against is “The Way Things Are.” People will try to tell you it is dishonorable to fight against the dark to reach the end of the tunnel. Fight them too. They put the tunnel there. And that light at the end doesn’t just exist in front of you, it’s above you, and if the walls and ceiling of the tunnel cease to exist, that light would shine on you, and all the people you love, where you stand.

But of course the thing I was spiting at the time was the Youtube Algorithm, so if that up there resonated with you, sorry about that kick in the balls lol.

Anyway that’s no secret. That’s how I announced I was gonna be making Hollow Knight videos again! But it ultimately starts with the idea I had for Whenever Silksong came out was a more narrative focused series than my Hollow Knight one, and maybe a little longer running because the only content youtube would recommend to anyone from our channel was the Hollow Knight videos despite the overall praise that they got. They just didn’t get as many immediate views.

But I had an idea of the character I wanted hornet to be. That’s why she’s the best characterized bug early on. And if I ever do end up doing that Silksong series, not a lot of that will have changed. My original idea for Hornet is still very much who she is currently in HKR, I’ve just delved a little deeper. I liked to play a wide swath of games. I’ve never liked to stick to one for very long, and if I was gonna stick to one, it was probably going to be something like Path of Exile. But Hollow Knight is a game that’s good as hell. But I kind of resented youtube for Pigeonholing me into being a Hollow Knight Youtuber. But, it was getting to the point where the channel was just slowly wasting. And, well, Silksong did not come out. And the things that gave us the big views were the Hollow Knight videos. This was on top of me having a pretty bad year. A couple of my family members got very sick from cancer, My dad had mostly decided to remove himself from my life, and I’d gotten into a car crash. So, Fuck it. New Hollow Knight series.

Now having my friends do voice acting was kind of a new idea. And ultimately, just a really good one. I’d had them do some quotes on some of my video essays. But voice acting characters was something I’d just started having them do. The first one was the video directly preceding the Hollow Knight ones. A Dyson Sphere Simulator video about building a giant penis! It was a lot of fun and taking that route into Hollowest was ultimately the best possible way to go! The original idea was to make it a prologue to what the Silksong videos were going to be. Just kind of a short jaunt through Hollownest where I spent one episode per area. And then after every video, put a little advertisement for my other videos to maybe get people to watch those, and then maybe youtube would start recommending them, and then I become un-pigeonholed.

And to be clear. The thing I said in the announcement video where I pointed out it was not the fault of anyone who watched my videos that they didn’t get big. Still true. Youtube Fucked me. Not my fans. I’ve been incredibly lucky on youtube honestly! The very worst comments I’ve gotten have been along the lines of “Broo you’re still doing Hollow Knight stuff? Booring” And contrasting with the best comments that have been close to “this series changed my life” The community I’ve grown and the fans I’ve gotten have always surprised me as being fantastically supportive and wonderful. I might have the most positive comments section in all of youtube! But that means there’s no controversy, so there’s no hatewatching. Youtube would much prefer some toxicity. The only sin the Graveyard Media fans have committed is being way to chill.

But if you’re wondering why I haven’t stopped, even though it didn’t work to stop the channels decline, it’s the same reason that it didn’t become a simple one episode per zone series. Because the more I did, the more I fell in love with what I was making. And the more I wanted to nurture it and make it into something I was proud of. If it was gonna be the youtube channels Last Hurrah, I wanted to make is such a hurrah that it will be worthy of remembrance! (Can’t even keep myself from the LOTR bullshit in this lmao)

And I’m proud of what I’ve done on it. And all the best stuff is still to come. I’ve saved most of it for the final episode. And I’m gonna try and get that done too! Because if I can keep going after all I’ve been through, god will need to come down from heaven with a gun and shoot me in the head if he wants me to stop!

[tindove]

I have so, so very many thoughts about Aziraphale at this point. But it’s a lot, and also very spoilery so this is your warning for my long character analysis/rant.

My friend and I spent so much of our time after episode six specifically discussing aziraphale and who he is and how we got to this point. because we kind of needed to get to this point, more or less, for him to be able to move forward at all. And that is where my hope for the future comes from. But. As it stands, Aziraphale is so extremely flawed (and don’t get me wrong so is Crowley but that’s not the conversation right now) and I love him for it.

Aziraphale, while I don’t believe it’s intentional, takes Crowley very very for granted. And this whole season only enforced that idea for me. The thing that specifically tipped my friend and I off, before everything went horribly wrong, is the seemingly innocent and sweet line of “but rescuing me makes him [Crowley] so happy”. And we both had to pause there for a moment. Because, does it? Maybe in some circumstances yes, such as 1793, in the ones that aren’t these awful life or death scenarios, the casual ones. Easy fixes. But Aziraphale is truly the one that always benefits. He enjoys being rescued and he enjoys the excuse it gives him to spend time with Crowley (at least in the early stages of their relationship). It’s never on him to fix these things. Though I very much think Crowley prefers the aftermath and the conversations that follow these situations, rather than the situations themselves.

I don’t know. I think a good show of it was the 1941 minisode of episode 4. Because between the shaky camera and Crowley’s shaking finger as he holds it over the trigger— he doesn’t enjoy any of it— he is quite definitely panicked. I don’t know if this constitutes as Crowley “saving him” but it was a similar moment of trust that relied entirely on Crowley to fix it. While immediately after he turns it into a quip about “no paperwork” there is that visible in the moment fear that is never addressed.

I don’t know if this exactly makes sense. But I do hope I am getting my point across, I am very much attempting to.

It all does really factor back into the fact that they don’t just fucking communicate. Which they really, really, need to work on. Could of all gone just a little better if Nina and Maggie cornered Aziraphale too and gave him the talking to as well. Of the two of them. I’d argue he was the one who needed it more in the end.

For one, Aziraphale certainly doesn’t grasp what Heaven actually means for Crowley. Or how he views it, or how he views his fall. It is true that Crowley doesn’t talk negatively about the fall around Aziraphale, not that we can see, just the “sauntered vaguely downwards” comment which is very tame. And also we know that Crowley doesn’t view his angelic self as the same person that he is today. As in a functionally entirely different person. While aziraphale sees them as one is the same, which again, while sweet in concept, it just isn’t the reality of who Crowley is anymore. Because he doesn’t want to be that. He’s just his demonic self, on his own side, on their side. Heaven and Hell are both awful, he’s known this for so very very many years, and he saw the trial— which aziraphale has no idea about! And it is such a mess.

Aziraphale cannot just give up Heaven as something he’s been apart of for over 6,000 years. Especially not if he thinks he can be the best of it, and in doing so protect everything he cares about. He can make it better. It is misguided, but man his intentions are good and I get it and it’s just… sad. Because he doesn’t get it and that’s the point. Because heaven has never been good but you can’t exactly just. Accept that. Or he can’t anyway.

There is also the fact that Aziraphale just wants any sort of approval. He needs it. It’s said so at the start. That that’s one of the things he calls Crowley about in the first place. He likes to tell people about the good he’s done, and be told that what he’s done is actually good.

Aziraphale never truly gave up on Heaven. He is far too much of an optimistic idealist for that. So when he’s seemingly given the opportunity to make everything better and he is essentially being told that he— the angel who has always worried about whether or not he was a “good” angel— is the PERFECT angel. The angel capable of taking the highest position he could get. This is the highest form of approval, something he’s always wanted to hear, from the place who never gave it to him. And it just completely blinds him to the fact he already has that approval and that’s all he really needs. Because it is so hard to give Heaven up. It is ingrained in him to want that.

Going back to my point early, Crowley does genuinely love helping Aziraphale, that much I believe, but Aziraphale puts far too much faith in him to the point it becomes detrimental. Because Crowley will always go along with what Aziraphale asks of him— or well— as far as he can I suppose. The whole business with Gabriel was almost his limit, but he stayed, because he doesn’t want to see Aziraphale hurt. So he puts them both at risk. Because he knows Aziraphale is too kind to not help, even knowing the possible consequences.

Crowley always helps Aziraphale, he will always be there for Aziraphale, whether he’s wanted or not. Because he will try. And while I know Aziraphale functionally feels the same he cannot express that in the same manner. Again. He takes him so for granted. Even at the end. Crowley makes it clear he needs to talk, and he needs Aziraphale to let him talk. And I know Aziraphale is excited and overwhelmed by the offer, but he completely disregards Crowleys request and speaks over him anyway. And Crowley let’s him, because of course he does. And their faith in each other is just so… it kills me when they read each other completely wrong. Because again, they don’t talk, so much of what they do is assuming they’re both on the same page and it just doesn’t work.

But no, back to what I was saying, the limit comes when Aziraphale disregards everything they’ve been through for this deal. Even if he doesn’t see it that way, even if Aziraphale sees this as the best possible outcome for them, even if he sees this as a perfect solution. It can’t be, not just for the reasons that there is no way Metatron has any good intentions here and the institute of heaven is fucked and Aziraphale won’t be able to fix it. But because this deal disregards Crowley for who he is.

So much of this season, flashback wise, was Aziraphale unlearning the things that Heaven idealizes. The things that get put into perspective to him by both Crowley and humanity. And he still does know and understands these things, but Aziraphale IS selfish. He’s always been selfish. He says so himself. He’s trying to have everything he wants all at once. And that’s just not possible.

They need to work on themselves without the other present, or at least Aziraphale does. Because as it was said, they did not have anyone else. Their relationship was one of necessity, and in the end, then it became all they had. Then there was no one else. All they had was each other.

Crowley has already long since chosen Aziraphale, their side, their lives together. Aziraphale still hasn’t. And he needs to be able to make that choice for himself. As much as it physically pains me this separation will likely lead to Aziraphale truly realizing that this is what he actually wants. He needs to make that choice for himself.

I feel like I have so much more to say. But this is already so, so very long. So maybe that’s for another time.

I really truly did enjoy this season so much. And I love them all so much. Even if it did crush my heart more than just a little. I am getting a kick out of all the character analyzing though, had to give it a go myself.

[queen-diamond-serenity]

The irony of this is

Dutch haters are far more toxic than Micah fan base in fact I in all honesty have not come across one microfan that I have actually dislike. And I hate Micah I cannot stand him as a character and nothing will ever change that. I do love his voice actor and there is one picture of Micah I like. Other than that the fact that Dutch haters are more toxic than Micah fan base really does say a lot about you. A majority of RDR fan base is toxic as hell and you're the main ones who cause trouble in Mayhem and then try to make it look like we're the ones being Troublemaker Just because we're Dutch apologist. I never thought that I would say this I would rather be around a Micah fan at this point than to be around the rest of you. So when y'all say we deserve to get blocked or blocked us I don't give a fuqk. What am I missing out on? Most of y'all have crap content most of y'all come up with shit scenarios and lore and theories regarding the entire rdr. Y'all don't have a creative bone in your body's half of you steal from other content creators and then think that we've lost something by you threatening to block us are thinking it's wholesome to block us we don't give a fuck and I think I've made a post like this before not caring. I haven't posted anything in weeks and when I come back here a fellow friend of mine's is dealing with toxic Dutch haters. Y'all can say what you want to about Dutch but we're not the one causing trouble or bring it all the toxicity in the community y'all are. But go off.

What is our crimes other than being a fan of Dutch?

I have set back for years and kept quiet and have watched on every platform you can think of concerning RDR fan base and see where all the problems are stemming from and coming from.

block me I don't care cuz you can't fuck with me no way. I don't want to be on your shitty side of social media. I am a living nightmare for a lot of you because I don't take the bullshit that everybody else do. LOL I'm from up North we are feisty out here lol. Stay in your lane because we not coming in yours you blocking a bunch of us who don't want to deal with you any damn ways. Y'all are a damn joke. To all you Dutch and Micah fans continue to stay to yourselves create good content and enjoy life. Have your fun have your ships have at it and continue to stick up your middle fingers to the rest. They got a majority of the fan base on the other side and they're still not happy. That already right there should tell you something. They just a bunch of miserable people in real life in general. Y'all should take an example from somebody who hates Micah I cannot stand him like I said before. But I don't give his fan base hell especially when they aren't coming at me. The only time I'll say something to somebody come at me sideways other than that I'm not bothered by them being a fan of his. Because that's what maturity looks like. You should try it sometimes and grow the fuck up. Other people in this Phantom will be nice about it not me I'm a proud azzhole.😁

Understand something about the woman I am I come from a very huge family so I'm never lonely I'm surrounded by a lot of love. And let's just face it a lot of you people on social media are lonely miserable people looking for love and most of you have found it in all the wrong places. So I don't care about being blocked. I got people who give a shit about me in real life. Trust me I will not lose sleep over wondering over a complete stranger who blocked me that I don't even know ever existed.

Everybody else give y'all this polite and light? But me? Oh I'm going to call out the elephant in a room and best believe I'm going to do it with a little bit of hot sauce.

[icedjuiceboxes]

For the ask game *hands you a Emily*

You know you think this would be easy considering she lives rent free in my mind but man what new is there to say when I said it all already.

How I feel about this character

Emily had a very big role to fill as the playable protagonist of dishonored 2.

From my perspective Female protagonists in sequels tend to be mocked and ridiculed, especially if they replacing the original male protagonist from the first game. Some examples include Athena from Ace attorney 5, and Abby from TLOU2 (though Abby is a special case separate from the argument). Female protagonists tend to get shit unless they fall under two categories. A) They're the protag of a new game (Aloy from Horizon) or B) The female protagonist started as an NPC before being Playable (Ellie from TLOU).

Emily falls under the second category, so the community was already familiar with her. Still didn't completely block her from criticism from all the gamer bros™️ who cannot stand playing as anything but as a cis white male bc God forbid they do otherwise.

I will literally defend any female protagonists with my life. Which is why she became my favourite character. Sure. I like mainstream shit. But I like the underrated shit even better.

I also think Optimistic protagonists tend to be less favored compared to their emo-ass counterparts and I don't know who hurt yall but can we please let a little hope into our lives-

In conclusion: I will defend Emily til I die and even once I get over my brainrot I promise you she is only reincarnated in a form of an oc. Hell I'll probably will name an oc directly after her. I did it once before and I'll do it again

All the people I ship romantically with character

Emily X Billie

TOXIC YURI / ENEMIES TO LOVERS LETS GO !!!

Emily X Alexi

Very nice. Very plausible. I think alexi should been Emily’s Canon romantic partner in game especially with how fast alexi was introduced and killed and there was have been more emotional connection to her. Wyman didn't need to exist and the brownie points of making them non-binary is pointless (and I'm saying that as non binary myself.)

Emily X Hypatia

I see the potential and I personally like to think that Emilt and Hypatia got along a little too well on the Wale and Billie was jealous the entire time and completely misresd the room between them. Because tell me why when Billie says "let's hope your friend (hypatia] doesn't burn the ship down" HAD SO MUCH JEALOUS UNDERTONE ??? toxic Yuri for the win

Alexi X Emily X Billie

Hear me out,,,, herding dog, sheep, and wolf situation. And no not a love triangle. Emily has two hands okay.

Emily x Mindy

They fucked once. Thats it.

Emily X Outsider

Once again there's potential here and i can see it. Idm seeing stuff but it doesn't excite me to personally create for it (though if I made it Yuri...)

My non romantic otp for this character

Outsider X emily

You can't tell me the outsider didn't have favorites (and that favourite was Emily.) The two are besties.

Emily X Alexi

Doomed one-sided crush and the oblivious best friend okay. (Alexi should have lived change my mind)

Emily X Hypatia

They're both nerds

One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in Canon

Nothing because I respect the narrative as it present but also I am a comic creator with free will, delusion and pure spite and delusion and anything I want to see happen I've already thought about it. There's already an outline. it's in my wips folder. I am the change I want to see in my world

Just kidding I wanted a fucking voice line to discovering corvo's childhood home and daud confession. Where is it akrane. WHERE IS IT.

[sweetdreamspootypie]

🙃

I'm flying out tomorrow

Had a good night tonight

But

Vent / processing / just capturing some of the stuff I've been thinking about

It's so strange how different my worldview is because I'm a Covid nurse

Or maybe everyone else is insane

Who is to say

TW car accident, child injury

Managed to go see the last set of cousins tonight

My aunt was like

" oh yeah last few days I've been really sick

Had a really bad flu

Still coughing actually

But we don't believe in taking to our beds for just a flu lol"

And my cousin mentioned she doesn't know when the last time she took a RAT test was. Didn't even recognize the name. Said "oh yeah that's kind of outdated"

And NOBODY I've talked to has even been aware that there are still Covid booster vaccines happening and relevant?

They only ever had the initial course of 3 or 4 and then stopped? Didn't even know that further boosters are a thing at all?

and cousin told me that you don't take time off work for Covid here because it's not considered life threatening anymore

What the fuck is wrong with england

Why would you invite guests over if you actively have the flu?

Fuck man

Like it was actually a pretty good evening and it will probably be fine

But it's just so weird seeing the increasing divide in basic values

Like yeah I value hard work and discipline and etc etc and I want to get better at it

But how do these people value self care so little?

Idk I'm just hyper aware of it as well bc of my family's thing with chronic fatigue syndrome and how precarious wellbeing is

But also stuff like

Hard work is "being responsible" because idk doing your part at work on the project or whatever

But in my line of work

If I don't rest

If I don't eat or take my breaks or I haven't been sleeping well or burn out

Then I cannot provide the healthcare to others that is needed

I've got such vivid visceral memories of standing there as I'm realizing I need to hit the medical emergency big red button, at times when I'm over tired and not feeling my best self

Feeling my words and thoughts running like treacle and just being so aware of oh shit I'm not actually up for being responsible for this right now actually

And when I'm in that state and the adrenaline hits, it just makes it worse

I can feel my heart pounding in my ears and my dehydration headache and having to muster ok I have to be reassuring and communicative and make sure I'm dexterous enough to manage a complex situation

And if I can't manage it, people get hurt

And there's a very real risk that someone gets closer to death than they needed to, or would have if I had been on the ball and my best self

The other day, on Monday

I had a coffee at 12 noon

It was a really nice rich mocha from a chocolate specialist

I'm not accustomed to caffeine any more these days, so I was awake until 4am Monday night

On Tuesday night, despite being tired, I was also awake til 3am because of the disturbance to my sleep schedule it caused

On Wednesday, I was feeling gross from the sleep disturbance. I went to my room and tried to take an afternoon nap

At 4pm on Wednesday, there was a car accident outside of our house. A car hit a 3 year old child crossing the road with his mother.

My dad came to get me because I'm a nurse and that's my job.

When he came in I was in a groggy half asleep haze

I had my shoes on and was out the door but was still carrying a head of groggy haze

The kid was fine

Someone else was checking him out, asking all the right questions

And within a couple of minutes an ambulance arrived, and got to do a further assessment

It looked like the child had a bit of a bumped knee, probably from where he fell, but was otherwise just fine

Mum with him was being a champion at visibly keeping it together until tonight after the kids are put to bed, when she'll fall apart

I was able to be there to see that it was under control and looked on until the ambulance arrived

But I was so aware that I wouldn't able to clearly speak. Wouldn't be able to project calming competence with even just the simple fact of introducing myself as a health worker available if needed

Everything was fine

But if it hadn't been

I would not have been able to fulfil my role

Because I hadn't taken proper care of myself

I'm going to remember my guilt over one badly planned coffee I had on Monday, for years

Because my job is to be the one who knows how to make it alright when everything is wrong

Why the fuck can't other people do the simple things like isolate if sick

And not expose illness to people going back to the home of their 89 year old grandmother

I don't want to live to work

I want to live well

And wellness and happiness are important values and resources

And not contradictory with working hard to make progress on goals

People need to learn to rest

I didn't realize how bad it was

[writercole]

My dog woke me up and yes, it's not quite 2 AM as I start typing this, but I have several thoughts weighing down my mind and I need to get them out.

My oldest child had high school orientation this week. They opened with the pledge and a prayer. We did not stand.

No one confronted us. No one asked why. Which, frankly, surprised me as I'm in South Louisiana. But I'm still crafting an answer to the question that never came.

I didn't stand for the pledge of allegiance because the tenants of that decree are no longer being upheld. Liberty and justice for all have become words that are just recited.

The neighborhood that I live in, the Northside, is socioeconomically low. It's a neighborhood full of blacks and other POC. I love my neighborhood.

More than once, I've had to school my own mother on the way she talks about my neighbors and my community. Because it is a community. But this community is more policed and has less tax revenue because of its makeup. Is that liberty and justice for all?

The high schools in our district are installing weapon detectors. Our politicians are more worried about policing genitals. Is that liberty and justice for all?

Our most vulnerable citizens, our children, go to school every day and we never know if they're going to come home. They go home not knowing if they're going to eat or have lights on. Our government is trying to cut funding for school meals while letting gun lobbies do anything they want. Is that liberty and justice for all?

We spend more on healthcare than any other nation in the world but have some of the worst maternal mortality rates, infant mortality rates, and rates of preventable and treatable diseases. Because we cannot get doctors to accept state-funded medical insurance, the private insurances have priced themselves out of the middle class, and the amount that it costs for the uninsured to have treatment is unattainable for most people. Is that liberty and justice for all?

People go to church and praise and worship their gods, and that is their right. But on Monday mornings, these same people are decrying the 'woke left' for trying to teach things like...tolerance and history. They say that other religions are heathens and terrorists and do everything they can to stop them from holding positions of power. Is that liberty and justice for all?

Police corruption is higher than it was in the 1940s and the mob didn't have to lift a finger. It's filled with hatred and bigotry, racism and misogyny, power trips and harmful ideology. These departments are left unchecked, free to rape and pillage all they want under the guise of law enforcement. Is that liberty and justice for all?

Our lawmakers are collectively trying to enact laws that will hamstring our children and keep them from knowing what actually goes on in the world, will keep adults in this country from knowing what goes on in the world. While we have the highest standards perceived for our education, when ranked based on actual data and not an opinion survey, we don't even crack the top ten.

I wrote to our senator about this KOSA bill and he basically said 'fuck you I'm doing it.' Our congressman didn't even deign to give me an actual response, just an automated message to let me know that they received my email.

That is definitely not liberty and justice for all. Not to mention, porn is restricted by government ID here in Louisiana. Yet, my 14 year old still has access to it. It's all over twitter, discord, tumblr, and dozens of other sites that would have exemptions to the bills aimed at protecting kids from that kind of material.

Instead of sheltering, we need to educate. We need to teach kids bodily autonomy and not force them to hug their family. They need to know the proper terms for their body parts to be able to report sexual assault and molestation. They need to know that there are things that adults should not be doing.

We need to enforce the laws already on the books protecting children from rapists and child molesters and sex trafficking before we try to keep them off of the internet. Because the whole world has access to the internet. It's either all children, or just our children. The latter seems most likely.

In IT, when there's an issue for one user, the error is identified to being a single user error. Not an error with the entire network.

In order for me to want to participate in pledging my allegiance to a country - which, by the way, is something communist nations do, indoctrination at the kindergarten level - you have to make me believe in the words that I'm reciting.

"One Nation" if you're cishet and white.

"With Liberty and Justice for All." If you're not a minority group or female.

And don't get me started on the 'under god' portion.