#i just gotta. get moved. and settled. and then recover from move etc

[your-fave-is-bi]

Microdosing on creating art by knitting daily bc i know my drawing rust is building up and attempting to make Art I Want when im rusty will only result in frustration and more stress than I already have

[malachaiparkerimagines]

drizzle

word count: about 2.2k

warnings: heavy smut - public sex, cum eating, multiple orgasms etc etc, not proof read

summary: the rain was so pretty, but kai thought you were prettier. 

requested by @slut4kai

The air was still warm despite the sun having been long gone for at least an hour, you had somehow managed to drag Kai out to a look-out point not far from town to watch the sunset. The sky had drifted from the bright pinks and oranges to black and the stars glimmered above you, a soft rumbling could be heard in the distance but any chances of a storm wasn’t visible from the view.  

“It’s definitely going to start raining soon,” Kai stated but made no effort to move from the bench you’d been sat at for at least two hours. You glanced at him briefly, it was difficult not to ogle him as he stretched his arms out and looked back at the storm that was rolling in from behind you.  

“Can’t you do a spell and stop it from raining?” you giggled bringing his attention back to you, he rolled his eyes and a smile pulled at his lips at your enquiry.  

His hands roamed your waist pulling you from your seat next to him and turning you so you could straddle his lap. “You think you’re funny, huh?”

The way his hands rested against your waist and the playful glint that shone in his eyes made you completely forget the rumbling storm that was quickly getting closer. Kai had a way of doing that to you, making you forget the world around you and focus entirely on him in a way that you’d never experienced before, he could make you a flustered mess just by smiling at you from across the room.  

“What? You don’t think I’m funny?” you pouted, hitting his shoulder softly, his hand coming up to grab your wrist so he could intertwine his fingers with yours. A small grin plastered on his face to match the bashful smile on yours as a result of his actions.

He laughed lightly and leaned forward for a moment to press a soft peck against your lips eliciting a warm heat onto your cheeks. Soft raindrops began to fall when he pulled away causing both of you to look up and see the storm rolling in above you.  

“Sorry baby, but I don’t have a spell to stop rain.” he mumbled, his hands massaging your waist as the rain fell onto you both, “C’mon, let’s go home.” Your hand came up to his chest to stop him, a smile playing on your lips and Kai eased back into the wooden bench.  

“I’ve always loved the rain, it’s pretty,” you glanced at the sky but Kai’s gaze never left your face, his heart fluttering at the childlike joy shining in your eyes. The warm air contrasted the cold water that had begun to sink into your skin but you couldn’t have cared less. Your gaze returned to Kai, his eyes glazed with adoration, the reflection of your own eyes evident in his blown-out pupils. “Almost as pretty as you.”

HIs face flushed pink at your admission, he didn’t get shy often but somehow, you’d figured out how to make his insides go to mush and get his brain to stop functioning. You called him out on his blush with a giggle and it only flustered him more, “I don’t know what you’re talking about,” he mumbled, burying his head between your neck and shoulder to hide his burning cheeks.  

The rain was coming down quicker now, soaking through your clothes and leaving goosebumps across your skin. “We should really go home; I don’t need you getting a cold.” he mumbled against your neck, his warm lips leaving a soft kiss against your cold skin. You whined softly at the prospect of leaving the haven you were in and a soft chuckle escaped from Kai at your response.

“I have another idea.” you claimed and moved yourself from his lap, he raised his eyebrows in confusion but you gave little indication of your thoughts until you kneeled on the wet grass just across from his crotch. The rain clouded your vision but the soft grunt from above you meant he enjoyed this idea just as much as you did, your hands gently pulled the sweatpants from his waist tugging at his boxers at the same time.

He hissed as the cold rain hit his semi-hard cock, his eyes were hooded and his breath was heavy when your hands wrapped around his cock pumping it softly, the rain making the movement smooth. “Gotta keep this warm,” you mumbled, it wouldn’t have been audible if his hearing wasn’t superhuman but before he could question you, he understood, the warmth of your mouth surrounded his hard cock and he cursed at the feeling.  

Your hair was now soaking wet from the rain but his hands managed to hold it in a ponytail at the back of your head, guiding your head slightly and pushing your head to take him further. Soft curses were drowned out by the rain hitting the ground but the occasional groan met your ears and spurred you on further. “Fuck, such a good girl for me, taking my cock so well.” His words stirred in your lower stomach and you could feel your panties getting damp despite the rain having soaked into them already.  

A rustle from the woods around you caught your attention and you abruptly stopped your movements, fear of being caught washing over you. Kai’s grip on your hair grew tighter as he continued to push your head onto his cock. “Invisique,” he grunted out, “don’t you dare fucking stop.”  

Almost immediately you continued bobbing your head, your eyes brimming with tears as his cock hit the back of your throat repeatedly. A car drove past on a nearby road and a shiver ran down your spine at the prospect of getting if you weren’t cloaked, a small moan escaping you at the idea.  

The noise set something off in Kai and almost instantly, he pulled your mouth off his cock and dragged you up by your hair until you were straddling him. “Was so close to cumming in your mouth baby, bet you would’ve loved that, wouldn’t you?” You nodded desperately, grinding your covered crotch onto his exposed cock. The rain had started to calm, a soft drizzle coming from above but the rain was the least of your concerns.  

“Need you to ride me, can you do that?” he asked, his voice gruff and demanding. Although phrased like a question, you knew he wasn’t asking and it only became more obvious when he ripped through your wet leggings and pushed your damp underwear to the side. His fingers slid into your folds and you could feel yourself dripping onto his rough fingers. “So wet from just sucking my cock, such a good little whore.”

Whimpers escaped you faster than you could stop them, his fingers pushed themselves inside of you, his other hand steadying you with a hand on your waist and encouraging you grind against his fingers. The wet noises from your pussy grinding against his fingers almost blended into the background of the rain but Kai’s cock still throbbed beneath you from the sound.  

“Cum all over my fingers baby, want you to make a mess before I fuck you,” he grunted, the hand on your waist held you still as he thrusted his fingers up into you faster. The pressure built quickly in your abdomen; your hands reached up to Kai’s shoulders to steady yourself when your body began to shake from the intensity of the pleasure. “Atta girl.”  

After a few moments, your body began to recover and your whimpers dissolved into the air but Kai didn’t let up for long. His lips attached to your neck, both hands now resting on your waist and pulling your bare pussy to rest on his cock. You hissed at the feeling, still sensitive from your orgasm, Kai began to rock his hips slightly whilst sucking and biting at your neck.

“K-Kai,” you mewled, “fuck me, please.”

He pulled away from your neck, admiring the bruise that had bloomed from his action and smirked at your neediness. “So desperate for my cock, so fucking sexy.”

Before you could muster up a response his cock slipped inside of your sopping pussy, you gasped at the sensation of being so full. Kai’s head fell forward for a moment, his eyes scanning where your bodies met and his cock throbbed at the sight of your pussy dripping onto his already wet skin.  

You began to move your hips against him, starting in small circles just to relieve yourself of the tension that had built between your thighs. Your hands on Kai’s shoulders gave you the leverage you needed to start bouncing on his cock, your arousal made his cock slide in and out of you with ease.  

The cool rain did nothing to cool your burning skin which was only made worse when Kai pulled you back into him and carried on harshly sucking and nibbling at the skin of your neck. Moans died in your throat and your legs began to shake and your pussy throbbed and clenched around his cock.  

Your movements slowed as your thighs burned from your relentless bouncing as the pleasure grew in intensity, Kai picked up the pace. He gripped your hips and his fingertips were sure to leave bruises in their place and thrusted up into you, hard. Your head flew forward and your hands gripped his back, desperate for something to grab onto and settling for the material of his t-shirt.  

“This pussy is all mine, fuck, you’re all mine, my girl.” he mumbled, his words muddled with his thrusts and the sound of skin slapping against skin. His thrusts were harsh against your sensitive pussy and all you could manage in response was loud whimpers and curses.

Before you could say how close you were to cumming, Kai manoeuvred his hand from your hip to circle your clit, the way he played with your clit was delicate compared to the way his cock slammed into your pussy. “Cum on my cock baby, you can take it, fucking cum.”

That was all it took to have you writhing against him, your body shook and you almost ripped his shirt from how tightly you were grabbing it, your mouth fell open on his shoulder and you were sure if his shirt wasn’t already wet, he would’ve felt the spit that dribbled from the side of your mouth.  

“There you go, feels so fuckin’ good.” he grunted, his thrusts had slowed to help you come down from your high but you could still feel his hard cock throbbing inside of you.  

Your hips started to move on their own accord, desperate to feel him fill you regardless of your pussy hurting from the overstimulation. “Want your cum inside me, want you to fill me up.” Kai groaned, his own orgasm chasing him and he started to mercilessly thrust his cock into your pussy, your pussy was still clenching from your past orgasm and it only spurred him on more. “Want it so bad, please baby.”

It was just a few more moments until Kai threw his head back in pleasure, his warm cum spilled into you and left you feeling even fuller. “Fuck, fuck, fuck.” he sputtered out, his thrusts coming to a stop as his cock twitched against your sensitive walls.  

His cum dripped out of you from the sides of his cock and you reached down between you, your fingers brushed against his softening cock and his eyes snapped to you, your brought your fingers to your mouth, sucking off the warm liquid. His eyes practically rolled into the back of his head at the sight and you could only giggle at the reaction.  

You lifted yourself off his cock, his cum dribbling out of you and down the side of your thighs, he quickly pulled your panties over your pussy and he collected the cum from your thighs on his fingers and pushed his fingers into your mouth. “Mm, perfect.” he grinned, pulling his sweatpants and boxers back over his cock.  

“You ripped my leggings.” you grumbled, attempting to move off of him on shaky legs. Before you could stand or sit next to him, you were pulled into his chest, his arms wrapping around you.  

“I’ll buy you new ones,” he smiled, standing slowly as you wrapped your legs around his waist. “Next time, don’t try and fuck me in public and this wouldn’t be a problem.”  

You pulled your head back to look at him, “Don’t pretend you didn’t enjoy it.” Any attempt of his to hide a smile was foiled when he saw the smirk that graced your lips.  

“Whatever,” he mumbled, a smile playing on his features that was joined by a blush when you threw your head back in a laugh, “let’s get you home.”  

[caguaydreams]

A thorough analysis on why Vah Medoh’s dungeon theme makes me want to cry

Yep, that’s an accurate title. Hi there! do you have a moment to hear about Breath of The Wild soundtrack? posting for yet a third time in hopes that tumblr won't hide it. I'm so tired

What started as a quick and harmless post, pretending to simply point out a couple of things, rolled downhill, out of my grasp and turned into a massive snowball of a short essay. How and why did this happen? Well, I assume a lot of people know about this song, and know what I’m talking about when I say that it makes me tear up and sob uncontrollably with every change in key as the seconds tick by and I spiral down into a dwell of misery from where I struggle to find the exit and to later recover.

……No?…..At the VERY LEAST it makes you a little uncomfortable. And I state this with much certainty, because after reading hundreds of comments everywhere online where this song is present, I picked up on a vast majority of people who expressed to feel the same way I did when it came down to our current music subject. See, statistics don’t lie… normally. So, naturally, my intrigue got the best of me. I wanted to find out exactly why this soundtrack was mercilessly stirring up everyone’s emotions, so I caved in and we ended up with this.

Buckle in, fellas.

Out of all Divine Beasts’ dungeon themes, Vah Medoh’s is the one that I can’t sit through. Not without growing antsy and wanting to turn it off as soon as possible. I find it genuinely difficult to listen to, and it’s not only because Revali is my favorite character and the song is just, plainly put, depressing, mind you.

We’ll start from 0 terminals activated.

It opens up similar to the other three dungeon themes; the pace is slow but eerie, gives off the impression that it sounds broken somehow. Something is off here, and it’s easy to figure out what that is from the get go: you’re basically entering a majestic, ancient, mechanical mausoleum, where everything went terribly wrong a century ago. Someone is gone, someone you knew, someone who was probably close to you, but it’s impossible to be sure. You don’t remember a thing, and this entire ordeal is confusing at best, and terrifying at worst. It’s your duty to make things right again.

It’s the same for all four Divine Beasts upon entering, save for the obvious little differences that separates them from each other and make them unique. Ruta’s is played on a major key, adhering to a sense of hopefulness. Naboris’s begins with a startling smashing of the piano keys, much like thunder of a sudden lighting strike. And Rudania’s theme starts threatening, dangerous, like scalding lava.

But now, back to Vah Medoh. The tone here is… alienating. The dissonant chords are all over the place, and feel disconnected, cold. It’s almost as if someone doesn’t want us to be here, or just like the elusive key, our presence is unexpected. Fitting, for a Divine Beast that’s high above the land, impossible for most to reach, yet we somehow made it. Apart from the piano, we have the occasional hint to rito culture, in the shape of a short, synthetic version of the rolled chords at the very beginning of Rito Village. A quiet reminder of where we come from. There is also, of course, the morse code distress signal, but we’ll talk more about that later.

As soon as this formal introduction is over, we finally get to the more, say, intimate stuff. Oh, and wouldn’t you know, it’s just tragic.

One terminal activated.

There’s no better short way I can describe this passage, other than anxiety-inducing. Especially when the strings come into play, and there’s two reasons I can think of why I feel this is an important thing to point out:

1- Characters and Symbolism.

I tend to associate stringed instruments, all of those which compose the violin family, with rito culture. And Revali, most specifically. In Creating a Champion we can see the early concept art and designs for all or most major characters in the game, and Revali’s highlighted rough design might be the one that changed the most throughout proper development of the character, out of all champions. He looks quite different from our usual depiction of him, it’s fascinating. What truly catches my eye, however, is the design of his bow.

You thought bird puns were bad? Oh boy, how do you feel about Revali having a bow that looks like a violin/cello/viola??? And do you need a bow to play it also??? Like, is it even an instrument or it’s nothing more than a mere fashion statement?-

Anyway. I believe this was originally going to be a not-so-subtle wink to rito culture, being heavily musically inclined as we can see and conclude for ourselves. Perhaps Revali was going to be a musician as well, now how cool it that!

Needless to say, the idea was eventually scrapped. But one detail I am CERTAIN carried over to the character we know and love today(okay not all of us love him but seriously if you dislike him why are you still here lol): strings. The association between bows(weapon) and stringed instruments, aside from being a quite clever and creative one, goes beyond the concept art and remains strong as part of Revali’s character, settling for having a presence via score. After all, Revali is a master of archery, so in that way it makes sense to keep strings as symbolism to reinforce the idea and drive it home.

But can you guess what other thing Revali excels at? That’s right: flying. He’s the only rito we know of who successfully managed to take advantage of wind currents and bend them to his will. And do you know what musical instruments are often used to evoke the feeling of flight and gale? If you thought of bowed strings, you’re correct! Unfortunately, I couldn’t find much support on this topic online, so you’ll have to take my word for it. I am most certain that this is fact, although not something worth discussing on the Internet, by the looks of it.

Anyhow, violins/cellos/etc are ever-present whenever we’re close to Rito Village or dealing with a rito related mission. Attack on Vah Medoh, for example, features a sequence of strings that is meant to evoke the strong winds we’re fighting against in that particular moment(*). Another great example is The Final Trial, the song that plays at the shrine of resurrection nearing the end of the Champions’ Ballad. Preceding the activation of each terminal, you’ll notice that a new instrumental element joins the crowd: the first one corresponds to the tambourines, related to the zora and Mipha; the second one are strings, referencing the rito and Revali, etc. I tell you, the moment I heard this during the trial I almost started crying like a baby. And, although strings have a lot to do with Rito culture in general, they tie most strongly to Revali, since he was the champion of his people, and his legacy carried over throughout the years. His accomplishments became material of folk tale, a legend, a source of pride and inspiration for the village. And let’s not forget that, at the end of the day, Revali is the crucial and foremost connection Link has to this place. Other than appeasing Vah Medoh, Link’s responsibility here is to free his past fellow champion’s spirit from Ganon’s malice. The soundtrack is referencing Revali first, and by extension his devotion to his home.

With all that in mind, let’s move on to our next point:

2- Nowhere to Go.

You shoot the canons, land on top of the Divine Beast, do what you gotta do, activate the first terminal and the soundtrack goes off unannounced. Like some sort of surprise anxiety bomb. The rhythm turns fast, the melody erratic, incredibly desperate in its execution. There’s this sheer despair, fear, this feeling of suffocation almost, which are so well achieved in this particular piece.

And that is, partially, because a quite familiar resource is used here as well; one that we’ve heard before in songs such as Rito Village or Revali’s theme. You could even think of it as a motif: two notes are played in an semitone interval, repeatedly and in quick succession. For the sake of later convenience, we’ll call this the Flight Motif, now let me explain why. In Breath of The Wild, this semitone loop is often followed up by some form of resolution. In Rito Village, formerly known as Dragon Roost Island(**), that resolution consists of a graceful descent of the melody, from a high that was built up previously during the motif. On the other hand, if you listen to Revali’s theme, you’ll notice that the interval repeats itself for a couple of times as thought charging up, to then rise fast and determined into a triumphal reprise of Revali’s distinctive assigned melody. This juxtaposition supposes the difference that lays between common rito flight and Revali’s trademark ability; both musical sequences are speaking of flight, albeit in two different languages depending on the way to achieve it. While the rito traditionally use their wings to glide and let themselves get swayed by the air currents Buzz Lightyear style, Revali takes full advantage of his flying capabilities to somehow create an updraft of his own, rising meters above the ground whenever he likes or needs to.

So, now that I layed out my base of thought when focusing on the strings, this’ll be much easier to explain. We’ve settled what the instruments themselves are a symbolic representation of Revali, in this scenario specifically. He was the only one inside Vah Medoh, and the score is, in a way, a retelling of what we can vaguely assume went down here during the Great Calamity, as much as it is what sets the tone and ambience for Link’s mission. But what are we hearing exactly? What we talked about, the Flight Motif, is being repeated nonstop. And that’s the thing, remember how I mentioned that this sequence usually finds resolution at the end? Well. Inside Vah Medoh,… it never does. The melody picks up in numerous occasions, but it’s not nearly as graceful, or calculated, as we’ve grown used to by now. It gets tangled and lost, and then inevitably falls to the ground in disarray. The pattern repeats itself, reaching higher after a handful of failed attempts, but no matter how much it tries, the cycle never ends. What used to tell us about flying and freedom in the skies, has morphed into an almost sinister musical incarnation of a tornado, and there is no way out of this trap. What do you think it must feel like to mindlessly flap your wings against wind currents so strong and violent, that it is impossible to get anywhere nearby, let alone take off every time you lose your balance. Or every time you’re shot down. On top of that, trying to aim and fight back in whatever short breaks and opportunities you get, at an enemy that’s much more powerful and relentless, who’s using your own element as a weapon to destroy you… it’s a risk Revali surely had to take in order to put up a fight. Even knowing full well that the odds were not in his favour, that he was most likely going to lose this battle, that he was going to die. Let that sink in. I’ll skip the activation of the second terminal, since there’s barely any change registered in the theme in general. So-

Three terminals activated.

I know this post is supposed to be a breakdown of the song purely, but that doesn’t mean there’s no place for a little theorising, and the following scrutiny is also quite relevant for our discussion. Bear with me for a bit. I’ve read almost everywhere about people’s most common interpretations on the Divine Beasts SOS signals, and how everyone thinks that Revali’s coming in last (a few seconds later than the other champions) has to do with him holding on for longer. Or, also, overconfident as he was, it means that the idea of calling out for additional support didn’t cross his mind until it was too late, and that’s why the beeping sounds more frantic and panicked than the others’ when it does appear. After giving it some thought myself, I’m betting on the latter option holding more ground, and that’s not all. I want to touch upon a detail of the piece that I never acknowledged was there until very recently(after seeing myself obliged to listen to this song fully and a handful of times, suffering every minute of it for the sole purpose of this analysis. It’s okay I didn’t need my heart anyway). Soon after activating the third terminal, the SOS signal disappears, or grows distant and faint enough that we can’t make it out from the background anymore. In its place, we’re confronted by this… shrill, piercing and painfully slow tune. It sounds synthetic, artificial, devoid of life. And it’s funny, because you know what it reminds me of? I’ll tell you:

A heartbeat flatline sound.

And I want to highlight that this doesn’t happen in any of the other Divine Beasts themes. All their SOS signals carry on, but Medoh’s is no more. This abrupt stop, followed by this bone-chilling tune…. makes me believe that Revali was the first of the champions to fall. A few days ago I came across SuperZeldaGirl’s video on a similar topic, theorising that this could very much be the case. There is not much evidence to support this claim other than some visual cues that could be suggesting to it, but after I found this in the soundtrack, and if we’re to rely on it for anything, I believe Revali was either the first champion to be ambushed by Ganon, or well…. the first to be killed. It is plausible, because short after Calamity Ganon unleashes his power, Revali parts from the group and flies directly to Vah Medoh, and he very well could’ve been the first pilot to arrive.

On this note…. we’ll have to wait and see for ourselves, when Age of Calamity provides long-awaited answers to many of our questions.

Four terminals activated.

An interesting melody is being played on what, for me, would qualify as a glockenspiel or a celesta, which are keyboard based instruments that produce a sound similar to that of a music box(***). If you want to pay more attention to it, I suggest listening to Vetrom’s Instrumental Mix Cover of the theme, where they practically zoom in on this part of the song (keep in mind that it uses the All Terminals’ time signature so it’s being played faster). For some reason, this particular addition makes me feel profound empathy. The sound of this instrument could be described as cute or childlike, magical, even. It is more often than not used to represent innocence, but I highly doubt that’s specifically the intention here. Much like the leading strings’ melody, the melodic contour of this one is trapped in a loop of going up and down constantly, but the difference is that this time around it sounds more under control. And much more uniform too. It doesn’t lose focus or takes risky, fruitless leaps, but rather chooses to stay on a path of waves that consistently rises and falls without taking detours. Like a determined battle strategy, giving it your all. You fall, but get back up again, and try again, and again. It reminds me of Revali’s approach to training, being persistent to the point of overworking himself. He had discipline nailed down to a tee, which I also think served him well in combat. It’s not just about being hard on yourself, either, but being confident and having complete faith in your abilities; believing that you’ll make it.  For this to appear now, that the SOS signal is almost completely gone, is significant because it means that by this point, being so close to success on Link’s behalf, the music is sparing genuine encouragement for once, in spite of the tragic outcome of the past and the danger of the current situation. But, in all honesty, this is probably just me reading too much into it. Perhaps the composer just thought this addition sounded pretty bitching and there’s not much else to it, which is completely fine. Although, intentional or not, sometimes coincidences do happen, and at the end of the day, interpretations like this are a form of appreciation for an artist’s work and for what they can unknowingly accomplish.

All terminals activated.

This is the moment when the song finally lightens up. Notice how the strings abandon the wave pattern for a more even contour. The beat quickens, the melody stabilizes. At first I thought, coming from our flight analogy, that this meant a cease in movement entirely, and it was partly one of the reasons why the song in general makes me anxious. But thinking about it now, …there is something different going on here. The strings are playing on a steady rhythm. It resembles a march, it’s like a pounding heart. It’s a lively, hopeful statement. And what’s interesting is that, up until this point, there was so much fear and helplessness present in the score, even going as far as to reach a dead end when we activate the third terminal. But that’s it, isn’t it? the music just keeps going further. 

It’s saying: this isn’t over yet. Even after complete and utter defeat, there’s still hope and an underlying wish to overcome this predicament, and we started to hear this as soon as a fourth terminal is activated. The melody we previously talked about? it’s here as well, and its beat is much more daring and confident.

And I just want to say… this is so powerful. Because this sentiment is deeply tied to the game’s story and Revali’s character arc. You see, he is introduced as someone who resents Link for being the manifestation of his failure, in a way, because Revali has trained arduously his whole life to be where he is, to be recognised. And yet… this hylian gets chosen by a magic sword and some tale of divine destiny and, apparently, that’s all it takes for him to be deemed the hero that will save the land. In Revali’s eyes, Link has done nothing to prove his worth before him, so it is easy to see why he despises the silent knight so much; he is yet another individual that was born into their destiny. Meanwhile, Revali has had to build his reputation from the ground up, earning him a place among the greatest warriors of Hyrule, and even then he finds himself surrounded by people who grew up praised for being born gifted.  We can see how Revali is the odd one out, and can map out the reason for him acting so antagonistic towards Link.

But once we’re on Medoh, things start to change. When Link enters the Divine Beast, Revali greets him with disdain, as per usual. Of course, Link has no recollection of whatever happened a hundred years ago, other than a small glimpse of the rito champion talking down to him, a memory that came and went in a flash. So as Link, we more than expect Revali to act cold and mocking, which he does. He provides us with as little help as needed in order to free Medoh, reluctantly, shielding his wounded pride over having to wait for Link, of all people, to come to their rescue. But you can hear him starting to open up bit by bit(I wish I could translate his dialogue directly from Japanese but I’ll make do with a couple of dubs and other numerous sources from translators online). With each little step Link takes towards success, activating the terminals, the perception Revali has of him shifts from one of resentment to one of genuine admiration and respect. By the end of it all, he is willing to not only cheer on Link during the boss battle, but to trust him with his life’s worth achievement. And once left alone, he admits defeat and lets go of his bitterness, realising that he was wrong to underestimate Link, and later wishes he could’ve had a chance to measured up to him. To take all of this into consideration and work with it in the soundtrack I think it’s genuinely splendid. And for once, I am grateful that it ends in somewhat of a positive note that puts my soul to rest. I still have a hard time listening to the first two thirds of the entire thing, but now I can look forward to a hopeful and earnestly heartening conclusion for all the pain that this composition puts me in. I must admit that it’s beautifully and brilliantly crafted, and that I am enamoured of it regardless.

That is why I wrote roughly 4k words about it! I hate myself!

If you’re as crazy as me about the soundtrack of this game, I recommend you read the published cd interview with the composers themselves! if you haven’t already. I just found it yesterday(unbelievable but it’s true) and… after writing all of this and checking it out, I felt validated. It sure is a one of a kind feeling. 

Alright folks, we’ve made it to the end. Congratulations for sticking around and thanks being interested in my nonsensical rambling! 

I also hope that you, like me, will now be unable to listen to bowed strings without being reminded of Revali. Good luck!

————– Annotations/Sidenotes/Whatever

(*)The Flight Motif(in point number 2) is also present in this track. We can hear it in the background right after the Rito leitmotif, as per usual. It starts with a clarinet, I think, before the strings take the lead. (**) Note that the Flight Motif only comes into play in the Breath of The Wild rendition of the song. (***)I strongly associate this instrument with Mipha, given that it is used in her theme, in every “response” to the initial melody. It can be heard in Attack On Vah Ruta, as well, it enters the scene when the notes Mi(E) and Fa(F) are played. The initial tune, Si and Do(B and C) are played on a clarinet or oboe, wind instruments just like the flute that leads Sidon’s respective theme. The celesta can also be heard inside Vah Ruta, activating the first terminal…. when the song really takes a turn just like Medoh’s. Mipha has nothing to do with the song of this analysis, however. We must understand that instruments, although they are attached to characters/various story elements in some cases, can always be used outside of that context, for that is the nature of an orchestral soundtrack. If you have this many tools at your disposal, you will make good use of them.

[goldengypsy7]

One Drink Away

 Summary- Jubal says to OA there is no such thing as a recovered alcoholic – all it takes is one bad day. Well here is one bad day that leads Jubal to a bar but somehow Jubal gets roped into a Speed Dating event instead. One of the women may even catch his eye. Some angst Jubal with him almost breaking his sobriety.

It looked so harmless in the glass, the clear liquid gently fizzing away in his hand, tantalisingly harmless. The tonic water bubbles rise, pushing the ice from side to side gently in the tumbler and coating the slice of lime with tiny balls as it bobs on the surface. Jubal’s hand closes around the glass, not raising it from the bar but just cradling it in his hand, watching the bubbles. It could be sparkling water. It could be lemonade. He wished it was either; that he had that kind of self-control. He knew what he should do – put the glass down and walk out of the bar. The little voice in the back of his head was screaming at him to just let go of the glass; he had already lost his wife, his kids. It pleaded with him to not risk his career too – he had barely hung on to that last time around. Without the sobriety, he didn’t get to be a Fed, it reasoned. Did he want to be though, came the small hiss from his shoulder – it brought forth the images. Images he had tried so hard to remove from his mind, but had decorated his computer screen and the JOC all day – battered and bruised women, their lifeless and hollow eyes gapping out of the screens. The families sorrow and anger as they sat defeated in their conference room; their sobbing and wails still echoed through the recesses of his mind even now – hours later. His hand tightened on the glass and the cold edge of the glass touched his lips. Tiny specks of the liquid dotted the top of his nose and upper lip as the tonic fizzed, the ice clinking against the glasses rim. One sip and all of the cries and lifeless broken bodies would go away – it would blissfully silent. His resolve breaks and just as the cool liquid collides with his dry lips and threatens to spill into his mouth, a hand settles on his arm.

 Startling, he jumps, vodka tonic sloshing sideways over the side of the glass and over his hand and chin, dripping on to the bar below. Grabbing the damp napkin his drink had been on, he presses this to his face, wiping away the droplets from his beard and lips as he turns.

 “Oh my god. I’m so sorry for startling you!”

 The young man looks mortified as he hovers behind Jubal slightly to his left. His eyes dart to the man’s hand still attached to Jubal’s arm and the hand is quickly removed. Before Jubal can turn away or say anything the young man continues to speak rapidly, words tripping over each other in his haste,

 “I thought maybe you were here for our group…”

 He gestures an arm behind him at a small group gathered by the double doors leading to the restaurant seating of the bar. As two scantily-clad women moved from bending over a table just to the left of the doors and moved arm in arm giggling through the doors. Jubal’s eyes focused on the sign by the table that they had been obscuring and reading it, his eyebrows raised.

 “…I thought I would come and check but its so loud in here and I thought I would just tap your arm and then you moved and… and I’ve spilt your drink everywhere. Oh god! I’m so sorry, I’m such a clutz! Here… let me…”

 Another napkin was shoved at Jubal’s hand, knocking his glass again, causing the ice cubes to rattle against the side in protest at the jolting.

 “It’s okay.”

 Jubal tries to placate the man, pushing the glass across the bar towards the barman and pressing the napkins to the pool of vodka left in a ring on the bar in front of him. A small flicker of relief fills him as he realises in all of the commotion, not a drop of vodka had passed his lips – just run down his chin and hand.

 “It’s just… well two of the men haven’t shown up and it’s going to throw all of the numbers out. We barely have enough men signing up as it is and we’ve had no walk-ins tonight either. I was kinda hoping you were one of the two missing ones and I’m still talking… Todd get a grip”

 The last part of the sentence was quieter as the man berated himself.

 “Wouldn’t I be too old – isn’t there an age limit to these things?”

 The words came out of Jubal’s mouth before he had a chance to stop them. Sudden hope flickered in to the man’s eyes as he recognised a person on the verge of joining.

 “Not at all – there is no age limit. You would be amazed how many of the women like an older man – more experienced you know! It would be completely free – of course there is usually a charge but seeing as how we are two short and I’ve chucked your drink everywhere…”

 Between Todd’s quick rambling and his insistent hand on Jubal’s arm, Jubal found himself swept across the room and filling in his details on the form pushed in front of him. Excuses pushed to the tip of his tongue, yet Todd was barely stopping for breath as he continued to talk,

 “It’s super easy, all of the women are seated at a table the whole time. You sit across from them and you have 8 minutes with each woman. On the bell you move clockwise around the room – that’s to your right each time. The women don’t move at all. When you’ve been all the way around, the whole thing ends. You will have a sort of tick sheet – tick which women you would like to talk with again and give it into us at the end. If you and her sheets match, then we will pass you her phone number and you can contact each other – that simple. Most of them will hang around at the end, get a drink at the bar etc. Obviously, any rude or pervy behaviour and you are out.”

 A sheet of paper and a pencil is pushed into Jubal’s hand as he is guided to a table and pushed into the chair. He turns but Todd is gone again, moving across the room to help another woman discreetly remove a table and two chairs from the circle. Turning away from Todd’s disappearing back, he faces the woman sitting across from him. The first thing that he notices is that she’s young however this is quickly replaced by the small bemused smile that she is trying to hide behind her hair, which is swinging loose around her face and down her back.

 Jubal jumps slightly as a bell sounds from one end of the room and the woman’s smile grows into a giggle as his pencil almost rolls off the table with his jolt. It is stopped by a slim hand that darts across the table to grab it before it tumbles to the floor. Voices around them start, the volume growing and growing as seconds pass; odd nervous laughter dotting through.

 “Do you want to…?”

 Jubal’s eyes dart from the pencil clasped firmly in his fingers to the woman opposite as her soft New York accent filtered through the surrounding cacophony of noise. Of course, she was expecting him to speak, his mouth opened and his voice engaged and he started to talk well before he thought of what to say,

 “I… uh.. well I’m divorced, got two kids – a boy and a girl. I’m a federal agent and …um a recovering alcoholic. Been sober almost 4 years and almost broke that about 20 minutes ago if uh… Todd hadn’t literally bumped into me and somehow got me to agree to this and… and that’s… that’s more than you needed to know.”

 Jubal’s usually confident voice had been reduced to stutters and stumbling over the words spewing from his mouth suddenly. He trailed off as his brain caught up with him and ducked his head away from the women to look at the label of the bottled water on the table in front of him instead.

 “That was honest – don’t get a lot of that with these things usually. Mostly posers or men with only one thing on their mind. Well, in the spirit of being honest, I’m single. My last boyfriend cheated on me with most of lower Manhattan – well the ones in skirts anyway and I have a very big weakness for shoes – I buy far too many of them!”

 As she talked, Jubal moved his attention from the bottle in front of him up to her face. As she realises she has his attention and made eye contact with him, she smiled. It lights up her face, making her green eyes sparkle and dimples appear in her cheeks. Jubal felt a smile tug at the corners of his mouth in return as she continues to speak,

 “For the record – I’m pretty sure Todd has bamboozled all of us into one of these things at one time or another. I know most of the girls – there is no need to be nervous, none of us bite. Well… Tanya at table 4 might but she does have a thing for guys with beards so maybe keep the table between you and her.”

 For the last part she leaned towards him across the table, nodding towards a woman two tables down from them with her head. Bleach blonde, her black dress was so low cut her cleavage was almost falling out of the top and her red nails looks so long they could be claws. Turning his attention away from Tanya, he darted his gaze back to the woman in front of him. She winks conspiratorially before sitting back in her chair again, settling backwards to tip her head to the side to gaze at him,

 “How long have you been divorced? This the first time dating after?”

 Jubal clears his throat, twirling the pencil around his fingers once before answering,

 “Uh… 4 years now. And yeah I suppose this is the first time – work usually gets in the way which is a complete excuse now I’m saying it out loud…”

 “Its always tough getting back out there. Tough to realise everything is over and you need to move on – gotta be harder when you have two kids.”

 Jubal huffs a small laugh as he moves to rub his thumb along his top lip, nodding in agreement.

 “Enough about me – what about you. How long have you and your ex been broken up?”

 She tilts her head, green eyes flitting over his face and he has the distinct impression that he is being read. The look reminds him of Maggie and Dana when they are trying to figure a perp out. Just as the feeling starts, she flicks a smile and inclines her head – letting him change the subject away from him.

 “Two years. Moved in with my sister for a bit while we sold our apartment – would not recommend moving in with siblings again after living on your own – absolute nightmare. Uh… not real excuse for not dating again after only that trusting someone is hard – ya know.”

 Jubal had just enough time to murmur an agreement when the bell clanged, jerking them out of their little bubble and back into the room. Around them chairs scrapped as the men got ready to move round. Blinking at the sudden stopping, Jubal moves to pick up his piece of paper and pencil as the man to this left starts to move towards their table, his shadow falling over them. Fumbling, Jubal gets a few steps away before her voice stops him, making him turn back,

 “Hey – I never got your name.”

 Turning he gazes at her for a second, before realising that she was right. They hadn’t exchanged names.

 “Huh sorry, Jubal”

 Her smile again lights up her features as he moves back towards her reaching out his hand in an automatic movement. He was so used to immediately shaking people’s hands at the Bureau as they exchanged names, that he had started to do the exact same thing. Before, he could over analyse however, a soft warm hand had slid into his.

 “Alice”

 Her voice answered his as their joined hands squeezed for a second palm to palm before a small cough from the man currently seated at Alice’s table caused them to break apart. Alice raised her eyebrows with a small eyeroll as if to say, ‘see – poser or player’ before turning to sit back down again.

 Jubal turned to sit at the next table – facing a young black woman who appeared to be young enough to be his daughter at least. Sighing inwardly, he pushed a smile on to his face as Scarlett introduced herself. This time, he reined himself in with the commentary however, Scarlett didn’t seem to need much help with the conversation, filling most of the 8 minutes with words such as ‘Tik-Tok’, ‘Instagram’ and claimed herself to be an ‘Influencer’ whatever one of those was. Scarlett had seemed to think this was impressive, Jubal wasn’t sure what one was or how this could “change her life”. Jubal just hoped the confusion hadn’t shown on his face too much throughout the conversation. The bell could not come fast enough.

 The next few tables did not get any better – Elsie decided to tell him all about Ginseng Tea and its wonders of helping with erectile dysfunction. Jubal wasn’t sure why Elsie decided to tell him all about this and was starting to get a small complex about his age until Jenna at the next table told him Elsie was telling all of the men this and spent her 8 minutes apologising for Elsie – apparently, they were roommates and good friends.  Maria divulged the best way to rear a Labradoodle. This would have been helpful or at least interesting if Jubal knew anything about dogs – he had had a fish growing up for all of a week before it died and was flushed down the toilet. Maria then tried to sell him a Labradoodle and was very insistent even after a very glad Jubal told her his building would not allow pets – yes even very well-behaved ones.

 Then came the dreaded woman – Tanya. Jubal was not one to judge, especially on appearances. But he was beyond definitely sure that that level of plastic could not be healthy in Tanya’s face… or her chest either. Tanya’s hand gripped down on his arm, her talons… sorry nails dug into his skin for the entire time as she pushed her chest into his face and answered all of his polite questions with thinly veiled innuendos and cackling at her own puns. Jubal had never willed a work call to interrupt his night so much since he had joined the Bureau.  Thankfully the 8 minutes ended quickly and he was round to the last women – Sheena. Sheena managed to hold a conversation with Jubal for the whole 8 minutes without making him feel old or making him want to run away and hide.

 With that people finished filling in their sheets of paper and stood, handing them to Todd and his female minion as some filtered out of the door and the rest moved to order a drink at the bar. He remained seated as Sheena moved away to the bar, staring at his seat of paper. He could safely say no to 6 of the women immediately – yet his pencil hovered over Alice’s name. Looking up, he scanned the crowd and found her, standing hip to the bar as she laughed along with something Sheena was miming out beside her. Her brown hair fell down her back, her jeans were tight to her curves but her shirt was looser, draped over her body – hiding her figure. Shaking his head, he turned away muttering to himself ‘silly old fool’ his pencil moved and marked Alice’s section too. What would a beautiful woman like that want with him? Passing his paper to Todd with a nod, he walked out of the bar and into the cool night air, pulling his coat on he turned and headed towards the subway.

 Sitting in the subway car however, he pulled out his phone and looked at the screen. No messages, no calls. Shoving the phone back into its holster on his hip, he thought back to the yes tick he had put on Alice’s line of his paper. Divorced, alcoholic, bumbling fool - she was probably just being nice and putting him at ease, he thought shaking his head. Idiot he berated himself. Yet, as he walked up the steps and out on to the street again, he thought back to her smile, her sparkling eyes, the way her hand had felt in his.

 As he exited his bathroom, his bedroom was bathed in the white light from his phone. Frowning, he moved across the room to where his phone sat on his night stand. Pushing the home button to get the phone to light up again, he saw a message from an unknown number on his screen,

 Its Alice. Glad we matched – maybe talk again some time?

 Sinking down on to his bed, he stared at the words on his screen and tried to ignore the fluttering in his stomach that the words had created. Maybe not so bumbling after all.

[arcanescholar]

Hard To Find The Right Words

Omori Post True Good Ending Spoilers. 

Aubrey having a tough time, etc etc. Enjoy maybe??? Might get more chapters later if I feel like it???????????? FUCK????????????

Ch 2 

On the long, long list of “shit Aubrey’s had to put up with” for the past few days…

This special, insidious sort of dizziness has gotta be a new one. Seriously, give a girl a break right? Who the fuck is able to handle this many highs and lows at once? It’s enough to make her head spin, and the hospital taking her bat away wasn’t helping matters.

The words that tumbled from Sunny’s placid, stony expression, his singular eye barely betraying the shaky, unsteady difficulty in handling recounting the story, made her stomach turn.

Shit, what a time to be thinking about what she had for lunch. If it comes back up right now she might straight up die of embarrassment y’know?

She couldn’t even turn her attention to Kel or Hero but, with the way the younger had to take a step back and struggle to find any words, and how the elder seemed to freeze like a statue, she had a feeling they were in just as bad of a spot.

“… and, that’s what happened.”

Sunny finally finishes recounting his story, and before he can say another word, Hero is already lunging, Ken barely able to snag his less-in-shape brother before he gets the chance to do whatever he was about to.

Aubrey, though…?

Years of anger, years of hatred and fury and bottled up impatience, a near lifetime of bitterness bubbles in her gut and sends her vision swimming.

Huh.

She just remembered, it was pizza.

Weird, why is Sunny getting so much taller? Kel? Hero? How come her knees started hurting suddenly-

Oh.

Oh, her legs gave out. That makes sense. God, her hair’s getting in her eyes, was it already starting to lose its color? Why is it so hard to focus on anything right now? She should be pissed! She should be picking up hospital equipment and chucking it out a window right now! So why can’t she move?! Why?!

For once, Aubrey can’t summon up her anger. For the first time in who only knows how long, she feels like the scared little girl that had to hide away when holes got punched into walls, that covered her head in her room and squeezed herself into a corner with her rabbit when the arguing got too loud. Her breath catches in her throat and refuses to let up. Is she going to die?

She can’t handle this again. Not now. She’s not strong enough, she’s not tough enough to deal with this-

….

Pap

… A hand rests against her head. That brief touch is enough to peel back the veil and drag focus back kicking and screaming into reality. She almost reflexively goes to turn and smack the hand out of the way, only to realize part way through her turn that it was just Basil’s arm, flopping out from the mattress and accidentally brushing against her head for a moment. The boy was still asleep, still a mess of injuries that made her nearly throw up seeing him in that state.

She might have bullied him, fantasized about beating him to an inch of his life, thought about crushing that bat of hers against his skull more times than she could count. She might have turned that weapon on Kel and Sunny both at least once before, but…

Seeing him like this, seeing Sunny with that eye patch, having lost sight in one of his eyes for what might be the rest of his life?

…

She takes Basil’s hand in hers and carefully stands up. Hero and Kel had been shouting for at least a minute now, she’s not sure how long it’s been since they started processing what happened in their own way. A shove is all Hero needs to finally get out of Kel’s grip, giving him time to damn near sprint out of the room, tackling the door hard enough to almost knock it off of its hinges before dashing out of the room.

Almost without thinking, Kel dips out, rushing after his brother with words that only come across like muffled noises in Aubrey’s ears.

… … …

There was a time when she confided in Mari, a time when she spoke to her about what was happening back at home, she remembered the pain in the older girl’s face, and the words she told her as she let Aubrey rest her head in her lap one quiet afternoon, just between the two of them.

“It’s not my place to say, but… If I could, I’d adopt you right now and give you the biggest welcome to the family hug I could…! Family should never hurt family. No one should ever raise a hand to a loved one and mean it, and the fact that they’re scaring you like that just isn’t right…” The older sister murmured at the time. Aubrey remembers now, Mari brushed her fingers through her hair in a really specific and special way that she almost forgot about.

It was like tracing little circles into her skin with her fingers, like trying to massage the fear from her brain, reaching in deep and grasping the wellspring of her despair and coaxing it out to let her think clearly again…

“When you get older… When things seem tough and scary and you don’t know what to do, that you feel like you’ve got nowhere else you can turn to. You might want to get mad, you might get really furious at having to deal with so much as a kid, but… Promise me, you won’t turn that anger on your friends, okay? Take a breath-”

… Haaaaahhh…

“-center yourself-”

Aubrey gives Basil’s hand a light squeeze. She can hear the hum of medical equipment and the sound of Hero and Kel’s footsteps retreating again.

“-and remember all the precious people you have in your life.”

She wasn’t the sort to pay the most attention to school, but, in this moment, a line she read in a book she had to read a few weeks back crosses her mind again.

“They asked, ‘do you love her to death’? And I said ‘speak of her over my grave, and watch how she brings me back to life’.” (1)

Funny how things dredge up in your memory at the weirdest possible moments, she thinks. For the first time, she’s starting to understand at least some of what those words really mean. 

…

After a moment, she carefully tucks Basil’s hand back into the bed, before letting loose a light huff through her nose. He’s still sleeping, if a bit more fitfully from all the noise.

“… Kh. Don’t gotta remind me like that y’know? Puts a bad taste in my mouth…” She nearly spits, trying to mask herself with bitterness.

It wouldn’t be long before hospital security came to drag Sunny back to his bed and cut this conversation short, she had to act fast.

She steps forward, and without hesitation, reaches up… and presses her hand on Sunny’s head, rubbing her fingers through his hair, tracing circles and massaging with a silent, stony expression that matches his own. She was still sick to her stomach, her balance was still terrifically uneasy, but…

“… I’ll come talk to you again later, okay?”

She pulls her hand back, and gives him a light punch to his shoulder before stepping out of the room.

“For what it’s worth…” She says, pausing in the door frame as she hears the sounds of shoes squeaking against tile flooring as the hospital staff finally approaches to do their damn jobs.

“I kinda get it. I understand it. I’ve been there. I’m not good at talking about this kind of thing, but, if you need to talk, I can give listening a try... this time.”

Sunny was going to leave after he recovered enough for the hospital to let him loose with his frankly fucking negligent mom. There was nothing she could do that would change that, but…

At least for now, at least while he was still recovering in the hospital, she could finally, actually speak to him.

“… Thanks for opening up Sunny. Give Hero a bit. That guy’s so strung up trying to be the best of us that I guess even he’s gotta snap at some point right?”

Says the girl trying to play mom-friend to the most broken-ass friend group in the tristate area. Christ, trying to be a decent person sucks. How the fuck did Hero pull it off for so damn long?

“Aubrey…”

“Yeah Sunny?”

“… thank you. I’m sorry.”

“Kh, fuck that, I almost drowned both you and Basil. If I started whining about accidents that happened in fits of rage I’d be the worst hypocrite in history, y’know?”

“…”

“Talk to Basil and let him know what happened if he wakes up before the staff drag you back to your room or something. I’ll let ‘em know you need a sec.”

With that, she carefully shuts the door.

What she says to the staff, what kind of look she gives them is growled with enough force and tinged with enough protective violence that it gives them just enough pause for the young boys to exchange an all too important smile of mutual understanding. 

Even if Aubrey never saw it, that little moment of clarity between them saved both of their lives in a way she’d refuse to take credit for helping make happen, knowing her.

A busted, crappy, cracked-screen phone buzzes to life as she walks past the staff. God, she fucking hates it here. The way her shoes hit the tiles, the way the equipment sounds, the fact that every time she’s come here, she’s ended up crying for some reason or another-

Shit, here come the water works now. Damn it Aubrey, at least make it out the door first-

A trip and a tumble nearly sends her falling straight to the floor but, she snaps out her hand just in time to snatch onto a handrail on the side of one of the hallways, her head still spinning as she sags against the floor, her phone toppling out of her jacket’s pocket and landing on its back with a loud, spinning clatter, settling in upside down to her perspective. Tear drops spatter onto the screen, distorting the light and scattering rainbow patterns across its surface. Gah. Add that to the damage. This just isn’t her day. 

Behind a call notification, her background shows the cork board in her room with the pictures she yanked out of Basil’s album after saving them from their near ruined state, mixed in with pictures of her and her other friends she made in the time that passed since. A little bubble on the screen bounces about, showing a picture of Kim flashing a peace sign with a bright eyed wink that reflects in Aubrey’s tired eyes, refracting as it passes underneath her teardrops.  “… Hhfffhh…”

She eventually picks her phone up off the ground and answers it. A hospital staffer looks about ready to tell her off for using her phone in the hallway but, lets be honest.

The kind of glare Aubrey gives off as she very deliberately swipes her finger across the screen to accept the call is the sort that would give most adults pause.

“… Hey.”

“Aubrey!!!! You finally picked up!!!”

“…”

“I was so worried when I heard about what happened! Kh, stupid hospital not letting us in…!”

“…”

“… Aubrey? Are you there? I can kinda hear you breathing so you probably didn’t butt-accept the call or something!”

“Yeah. Yeah I’m here.”

“Jeez, how come you weren’t saying anything? Did those ner-”

An audible pause. Kim clears her throat after a second.

“Sorry, uh, did those guys get out of the woods okay…? I kinda only caught the cliffnotes of you going to the hospital from that text you sent me so…”

“They’re fine.”

Aubrey steps outside the hospital’s visiting center doors and finally breathes fresh air for the first time in what felt like days.

“Or… They’re as fine as they can be. Sort of. Kinda.” She continues, stepping over to one of the benches outside and taking a seat, drinking in the sounds of chirping birds, gentle breezes, swaying trees, and the sensation of warm sunlight… It was a beautiful day, and she didn’t feel nearly good enough to appreciate any of it.

“That’s good at least yeah? Uh… Hrmggh. I’m bad at this kinda thing but… Uh. If there’s anything you need to talk about, you can hit me and the others up at any time yeah?”

Kim’s voice was surprisingly tender, tender enough that it manages to draw a sniff out from Aubrey, forcing her to bring a hand up to her eyes and rub it across them to make sure she didn’t show any tears yet god damn it-

Ugh. Where’s Kel’s Taurine soaked brain anyway. He’s better about handling this kinda energy! Does- shit, does he even like energy drinks?

“Aubreeeeey, if you keep going silent I’m gonna think someone kidnapped you y’know. Gotta pull the whole gang together, beat up on the nearest creepos till we find you! The Maverick’s got a Style Meter App on his phone that does those shouts from that one game so we’ll even get t’ have our own hype-men-”

The thought of Michael in a parking lot with a buffer sword in one hand and a phone in the other trying to do combos for a video to put on his Way Too Many Social Media accounts hits Aubrey with a second hand cringe that nearly brings her to her knees.

“UGGGHHHH!” Aubrey finally cracks, a doofy grin hitting her lips despite her audible mental suffering, slumping back in the chair and nearly sliding out of it entirely, a few tears finally trickling down her eyes as her body releases its tension at last.

“I can’t believe that try hard seriously sprung for something like that. If he tries that shit in public in front of me I’m making’ his screen look like mine.” Aubrey finally grumbles, adjusting her bow. “… Right, I left my bat at home. Ugh.”

“There we go! Now you’re talking’ again. Jeez, way to make a girl worry… Charlene was getting ready to find some flowers to give to you too, the sweetheart.”

“She’s more of an angel than Angel is…”

“Right?! Maybe we should make Angel give up on his nickname-”

“Don’t bother, Charlene’d never let him do it.”

“You’re so right it’s actually kinda annoying.”

“She’s the best of us, y’know.”

“…”

“…”

“So, can you like, talk about what happened at all now or…?”

“… Hang out spot, by the lake, be there in 20.”

“Should I bring the rest of the group-”

“Not this time, Kim.”

The call ends without another word, another ping showing on her phone’s screen showing string of texts from Kel.

JrangeOoe: hey!!!!! ;v;

JrangeOoe: sorry i left you alone with sunny and basil there, hero was having a really bad freak out

JrangeOoe: mom and dad and i are workin with him now, gonna try to calm him down will be back at hospital to give basil and sunny another visit later

JrangeOoe: gonna be honest, this is giving me a little time to figure this stuff out too so, thanks hero for the panic i guess??????

JrangeOoe: ugh no that’s not fair

JrangeOoe: anyway, if you need to chill and get some ginos later i found 10 bucks in a visiting center couch and was trying to hide it but

JrangeOoe: today’s a “spread the wealth” sorta day

It took a couple of moments of hesitation, but…

headhooligan: dinner, maybe

headhooligan: fuck this whole dumbs week

headhooligan: i got some spare cash so i’ll chip in too to get hero something if it’ll help

headhooligan: also what the fuck how are you so calm about this are your parents not trying to work you through this too or something?!

JrangeOoe: uh

JrangeOoe: no but i think hero needs it more right now!!!

JrangeOoe: i dunno how i feel, i guess i’m just to worried about everyone else to think about it?

JrangeOoe: *too

JrangeOoe: i’ll catch you later for dinner tho, if i can get hero to calm down enough to feel safe leaving him be with mom and dad

JrangeOoe: get a feelings jam up in here

JrangeOoe: pizza and ice cream or whatever

JrangeOoe: not at your place tho tbh your mom kinda freaks me out like a lot

headhooligan: >:/

JrangeOoe: what? it’s the truth!

With a roll of her eyes, Aubrey stuffs her phone away, wrenching her bike out of its lock from the hospital’s parking lot bike rack and mounting up. She takes one, final, long look at the hospital’s monolithic facade, and thinks about just how high up that building goes before shaking her head, and pedaling off.

The whole ride home, all she can do is play back today’s events again, and again, and again. Hear the same story in Sunny’s stilted monotone, again, and again, and again.

Every instinct, every trained gut reaction, every beaten in urge and desire tells her she should hate him.

He stole her from everyone, he murdered her, broke her skull against the floor like some raging animal then strung her up like a horror show for everyone to see just to avoid consequences with Basil’s help-

… But…

That panic that gripped her chest when Basil fell in the water from her shove just a few days ago, the terror at taking not one life, but two when Sunny jumped in after him, still unable to swim.

“…”

Her pedaling gets harder, more forceful, making the aging, damaged frame of her hand me down, fourth hand bike creak and groan in protest, hair billowing behind her in a tangled mess of poorly kept locks…

What should be anger gives way to an oddly calm understanding, what should be hatred and fury and violence wraps itself so tightly in its own chaotic energy that all she can do is…

…

There’s not a cloud in the sky, but raindrops spatter on concrete and asphalt where she rides, leaving a trail of sorrow four years in the making, finally given “closure”, finally released.

—-

(1) Credit to Mahmoud Darwish for this legendary line.

[fishfingersandjellybabies]

Finding Your Heart - fic

Characters: Bruce Wayne, Damian Wayne, Alfred Pennyworth, Dick Grayson, bits of Tim Drake and Stephanie Brown Summary: This wasn’t the way he wanted to find Damian, after everything that happened between them. This wasn’t how he wanted Alfred and Dick to reunite with him either. A/N: Dick was driving the plane. Crane blew up the building on purpose to cover his tracks, and was the one to lock Damian in the lab after he and the nameless henchmen fought. The whole family comes home and basically all live in the cave/Damian’s room as he recovers, and they all have conversations with him about what he was doing, why etc. Damian didn’t kill the guy who stabbed him because he recognized the henchmen was no the problem, Crane was. He’s still a good boy in my book. Glossed over kind of plotholes because I didn’t care enough and it wasn’t the point of this story ok bye. Don’t forget my Pateron and shit!

~~

If Bruce was grateful for anything, it was the fact that no matter what he lost, save for his parents, it always came back.

Jason came back. Dick came back. Tim came back. Stephanie came back.

Alfred, now, came back too.

Damian…he came back. And then he left again.

It was in the back of his mind, as they celebrated Alfred’s return to life, and Dick’s return from amnesia. The fact that their returns were not through darkness, not through aliens, not through a multiverse crashing down around them and changing time.

It was magic. It was a miracle.

But Damian wasn’t here. And Bruce would never ever forget that. Not now, as they shared delivery pizza at the island in the manor’s spacious kitchen. Not in the days after, as things settled back into a semblance of the old normal, with new quirks here and there. Not in the weeks after either, as Alfred returned to being Penny-One, and Dick began to retrain himself to return to the Nightwing title soon.

Just as Bruce would never forget the tears in Dick’s eyes when he explained to him and Alfred what had happened to their youngest. His breakdown, and resolve in the violence. When he explained why.

“It’s not your fault.” Bruce promised, even as Alfred pulled a handkerchief from his pocket, and silently dabbed his eyes. “It’s mine. I…I didn’t see his grief. I didn’t understand how badly he was taking your absences. I didn’t know.”

“But I would have.” Alfred had whispered, closing his eyes.

“We would have.” Dick corrected.

And he’d never forget the despair on grandfather and son alike, when Dick asked if Bruce had any idea where he was, and he had to tell them no.

Damian was a sore subject, to say the least, after that. No one spoke of him, though Bruce found everyone stopping near the case holding his old uniform every so often.

Not a memorial for the dead, this time. But a memorial for the child they failed.

His name was like a bad word, a sour taste, and Bruce never forgot that either.

Most of all, he never forgot it was his fault.

Even now, as he, Tim and Stephanie fought against a gang that he had yet to determine which super villain they associated with, he thought of his son. The one not there, the one he chased away.

How much he could use his help right now. How much he missed him.

God, if Jason knew, he’d be furious. Furious because he didn’t learn the first time around, with him.

The fight was in the streets, and it was becoming a stalemate. Not that he and his partners for the evening would give up. But he was looking for an opening, a moment to retreat, regroup, then reappear with a new attack plan.

But the moment never came, because suddenly one of their enemies shouted.

“Boss said it’s a go! She’s blowin’!”

Before any of them could comprehend the warning, a building down the block – a lab, if Bruce had his bearings right – shuddered in an explosion. Glass from windows spraying into the street, flames pushing out right after. Dust and ash came at them in a typhoon-like wave.

And the gang members in the street laughed.

“You’re fucked.” One nearby cackled. When he came back into view, he had a gasmask on. “You’re so fucked, Batman.”

Bruce punched him in the Adam’s apple, and let him drop to the ground unconscious.

“Something’s in that building.” Bruce said through the comms. “How dangerous?”

“Gotham Labs.” Tim’s voice crackled. Bruce still couldn’t see him in the floating dust. “No major projects that I know of. Or dangerous. Vegan cosmetics was the last big thing I heard about coming from there.”

“And now it’s all up in flames?” Stephanie sighed. “So much for stealing Batman’s credit card on its launch date.”

“Spoiler, please.” Tim snorted.

Before Bruce could scold them, tell them to focus, get them to get these thugs off the street, there was a shriek from the lab, and a shape running from the destroyed building.

“Take care of them.” Bruce ordered. “I’m going up ahead.”

Stephanie and Tim both gave their affirmatives, and jumped back into fighting the henchmen, now with a small element of surprise in the fog. As Bruce ran forward, he saw the shape was a woman in a lab coat.

“Help!” She was screaming. “Someone…anyone! Police! Ambulance! Help!”

“Ma’am.” Bruce called as he approached, careful not to scare her. She turned towards him with tears cascading down her face.

Bruce frowned. She…was clean. No ash, no burns. Her hair wasn’t even out of place. He glanced back towards the building, now smoking.

“Are you alright?”

“What? Oh, me? Yes. I’m fine. We’re all fine.” She sniffed, trying to wipe at her face. “But he’s not. He’s trapped and…and I don’t think there’s any vents in there, and we can’t-”

“He who?”

“I…” The woman paused. “I don’t know. He didn’t give a name. He just…he just appeared! Out of nowhere! Got us all out of the lab, shoved us in the bunker, told us to stay there until help arrived. Then…then the explosion happened, and when we came out to check, he was still in the lab, but…but Batman…”

“What? What’s wrong?”

“He was bleeding when we saw him.” The woman’s tears suddenly flowed harder. “But the canisters were all broken, we could see them.”

“What was in the canisters?”

“I…I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.” The woman cried. “He…he was paying for our other research, and…and he was blackmailing us. We didn’t have a choice.”

Bruce’s stomach dropped.

“Who paid you?” He demanded. “What was in the canisters?”

“Fear gas.” The woman whispered. “Jonathan Crane was forcing us to make it. Mass produce. The…the boy tonight, he saved us, but whatever happened, all the canisters are broken, and the gas is in the lab.”

The woman hid her face.

“And there’s a failsafe on the doors.” She wailed. “That…that fucking shit is dangerous. So if even only one canister malfunctioned, the lab would seal itself shut to contain it.”

“For how long?” Bruce asked. “How long does the lab seal for?”

“I don’t know!” The woman yelled. “Crane installed it! He never told us!” She stopped her foot and pointed from where she came. “But he’s in there, the gas is flooding the place, he’s hurt, I didn’t see him have a respirator, and we can’t get him out!”

Bruce nodded, shoving his own respirator onto his face. “Stay here.”

The woman, surprisingly listened, but shouted information after him. The lab was in the basement, and the remaining scientists were still trying to first reach one of the doors to the lab through the explosion wreckage, and second, try to figure out if they could even open the door.

“Red Robin, when you’re finished, I’ll need you inside.” Bruce called through his communicator as he burst through the doors and looked for a way down. Not hard, when there were various holes in the floor from the explosion. “And both of you, there’s a potential for fear gas in the area. Masks on, now.”

They both returned an affirmative, and Barbara was immediately on the line herself, relaying last known sightings of the Scarecrow.

As Bruce got to the lower levels, he began to follow the voices, the sounds of things being thrown, or pushed. After a few rounded corners, he found the gaggle of scientists, three pushing fallen shelving units and chairs away from a large metal door, and a fourth knelt in front of said door, typing wildly on a keypad.

“It’s…it’s not working!” The typer growled in frustration. “There’s…there’s nothing I can think of! Nothing is working!”

“Then keep thinking!” Another one spat as he threw a table over the heads of the other two assisting him. “That kid is a fucking goner if we don’t get him out of there!”

Unlike the woman outside, Bruce didn’t announce his presence, just silently moved forward. As he reached them, he glanced into one of the windows next to the door, just to see what he was going to be working with. Who he was, hopefully, going to save, and not have to watch die a slow and painful death.

Immediately, his knees went weak.

The lab wasn’t that big. Smaller than an average fast food joint, but bigger than a grocery store public bathroom. Even through the opaque green gas, Bruce could see canisters lining the floor underneath the tables that followed the walls of the room, where microscopes, liquid-filled vials and partially constructed containers sat.

Each canister had a sizable hole in the side, and Bruce could only guess – remote detonation.

But none of that was important, not now, as he tried to stop himself from collapsing to his knees. What was important was the boy in the middle, wearing a black body suit, similar to Nightwing’s, and a black cape with a hood and faded gold trim.

Damian.

“Jesus Christ, no.” He gasped. The scientists nearby jumped, having still not seen him.

Luckily, it was Gotham, and even scientists were disillusioned to the sudden appearance of a vigilante. “We’ve gotta get that kid out of there, Bats. Just one inhale of that crap will make you hallucinate. He’s been in there at least ten minutes, probably more, who knows what the effects could be.”

“Death, probably.” Another one said. The one who spoke slapped her on the arm. “What? I’m being honest! That’s why we don’t have to waste, here!”

Damian hadn’t moved at their ruckus. He was lying on the ground, eyes closed, half curled in on himself, hand clutching his side. There was blood on his fingers, and coming from his nose. Even through the gas, Damian looked dirty. Tired.

Bruce wondered where he’d been sleeping. Was he sleeping? Was he safe?

But then his heart stuttered again, as he noticed something else in the room. In the corner, by a door on the other side of the room. A man. A body.

A body that was, surprisingly, breathing. A body dressed like the gang members outside, that was wearing a respirator that looked suspiciously like one Bruce knew Damian used to carry, when he was Robin.

“…You all need to get out.” Bruce found himself croaking, as his surprise and heartache began to transform into action.

“What? No way. We need to get that kid out!” The one at the keyboard countered. “And…and maybe that other one, I don’t know if he’s even still…”

“I’ll handle it. Now go.” Bruce heard a click on his communicator, other chatter. Alfred it sounded like, to Barbara. Dick, too. He was at the cave with Alfred. The scientists didn’t move. “I said now!”

The four jumped again, and one by one began to slowly move. The last one, the man at the door, stopped on his way. “…You get that kid out, Batman, or so fucking help me.”

Bruce glared down at him. The man shrunk away and ran after his coworkers.

Bruce looked back into the room. The man in the corner was unconscious, he could tell that much. But still.

Bruce put his hand on the window. “…I don’t know what to call you.”

Damian twitched at the noise, and twisted his head to look at Bruce directly. His mask was still green, and it didn’t move as he frowned.

“Oh, great.” Damian sighed, dropping his head. “You.”

“I’m going to get you out, son.” Bruce said. “I promise.”

“Save it.” Damian huffed. But it was quick, and Bruce knew it was because he was trying not to breathe. “I’m not talking to you, Mother.”

Bruce blinked.

The gas. The hallucinations were your fears.

“It’s…it’s me.” Bruce tried instead. “Not your mother.”

Damian turned away, rolled with a groan to lay on his back. “My father doesn’t show up in real life, why would he show up in a fear-induced hallucination?”

Bruce almost smiled at his attitude. He was trying to fight the gas, like it was a sentient being. That was so like him.

God, Bruce missed it.

“I…Rob…” Bruce swallowed. “Da-”

“Do not say another word, Master Bruce.” Alfred scolded on the communicator. His voice was loud. “Focus on getting that door open.”

“I…right.” Bruce shook his head, and crouched, pulling out a code-breaking device from his utility belt.

“Tim will be in to help you in a few minutes.” Dick now, but he sounded distracted. “And we should be only a few minutes behind him.”

Bruce froze. “…What?”

“We’re coming.” Dick said plainly. “We’re coming to get Damian.”

“Wait, no.” Bruce growled. “Nightwing, you’re not recovered yet. A-Alfred, you’re…you are not to be in the field. It’s not safe-”

“And you will have your hands full with the other man in the chamber.” Alfred shot back. “Not to mention, you only have a respirator for yourself. From your cowl footage, it’s clear Damian gave his to that man. You know as soon as you get in there, he will be in the throws of the effects of the gas, and won’t recognize you. He doesn’t recognize you now. He will fight you, or flee, before you can get him any kind of help.”

“And we are not letting that happen.” Dick hissed. “We’re bringing Damian home, Bruce, or so help me-”

“It’s not safe.” Bruce snapped back, hitting buttons on his device. He could hear Damian babbling in the lab now. Talking about how he’s not scared of anything, least of all his father, or his judgment. Which, of course, Bruce knew, meant the complete opposite. He ignored the guilt in his heart, at least for a moment. “You are both to stay in the cave and wait for-”

“Bruce.” Alfred said coldly. “I am coming to get my grandson. Nightwing is coming to get his brother. And there is not a goddamn thing you can do to stop us.”

Bruce heard the distinct sound of a link click off.

“…So…” Stephanie chimed in after a moment. “Red’s on his way in and…I guess I’ll wait out here for Nightwing and, uh, Penny-One to arrive.”

Bruce frowned, squeezed the device in his hand a little too tightly, heard it creak in his grip. He continued to search through codes, the others be damned.

They didn’t know what he would do. Their beliefs were wrong. He wouldn’t worry about the man who clearly stabbed his son. He was unconscious and had a breather. He was fine. Tim could take him, whenever he got there.

No. Bruce would rush in, and he’d take his son into his arms. He’d put pressure on the wound, and hold his boy, no matter how hard Damian fought him, no matter how deep in the gas’s hallucinations he was.

He’d hold his son and this time, he was not letting go. For anything, or anyone.

He heard Tim arrive behind him, and glanced back into the chamber as Tim pulled a wire from his glove to plug into the keypad on the door. Damian was muttering to himself now. But more than that, he was trembling. Sweating. His eyes were wild behind the mask, darting back and forth, or trying to keep them closed, and failing.

He stood, put his hand on the thick glass. He wondered what Damian was seeing, hearing. “Son.” He called, and Damian twitched, curling deeper into himself. “Focus on my voice.”

“No.” Damian shot back.

“Batman, it’s not a good idea.” Tim offered, clicking away on his pad. “You know he’s hearing things. It’s not coming across as you.”

“Doesn’t mean we can’t try.”

“Doesn’t mean it won’t be construed into something else by the time he hears it.” Tim snapped. “You know that.”

“So you want him to lie in there and suffer?” Bruce shot back. He saw Tim tighten his jaw. “The least we can do is try.”

“The least we can do is focus on getting him out of there.” Tim countered. “So save your emotional vomit for later and help me.”

He huffed a frustrated breath, but…Tim was right. Of course Tim was right. So he pushed at the door, testing how tight it was, if the explosion had loosened it at all, and settled back in next to Red Robin to hack into the system.

The code was seven digits, and after they believed they figured out three, Bruce glanced over to make sure Tim had his respirator on. Glanced up at the unsteady building around them, that could theoretically collapse on them all at any moment. After four numbers, he glanced back to Damian. His trembles had manifested constant twitching now. Fingers, ankles, lips.

The gas seemed to be settling a little now, the room a little less green. That didn’t help, of course, since Damian was on the floor, where said gas was settling. But it would make containment easier. Wouldn’t reach the city, or any one who wasn’t in this room.

One less thing standing between he and his boy.

His heart fluttered when they hit the fifth digit. Hope, he could hope, he had hope. Damian had hope.

And when Tim’s device dinged for the sixth a moment later, Nightwing and Penny-One appeared in the doorway.

Dick was in his full Nightwing uniform, the one he hadn’t yet worn since before the amnesia. The one he was wearing when he was shot, Bruce realized, as he noticed the shadow of the large bloodstain on the costume’s neck.

Alfred was in black and dull green tactical gear, a black eye mask and a clear respirator adorning his face. He had a shotgun in hand, but Bruce saw at least one more handgun on his hip.

He forgot sometimes, Alfred used to be in the British army.

“Move.” Alfred demanded. Tim shifted to the side of the door, eyes still on his tablet. Bruce didn’t. “Batman, I won’t ask again.”

“He really won’t.” Nightwing mused as they walked forward. He was just finishing putting on his own rebreather. “Seriously, Bruce. Let us handle this.”

“He is my son.” Bruce countered, but his voice wasn’t right. It wasn’t as authoritative. It was almost whiny.

Almost scared.

“And you ran him off in the first place.” Alfred countered. “So the likelihood that you are the first one he’d want to see is almost zero.”

“Not to mention, there’s an asshole in there who, by the looks of it, stabbed him.” Nightwing added, glancing into the window. “So it’d probably be better if you took care of that guy than one of us because let me tell you, B. We’re already not happy.”

Alfred pumped his shotgun. “Indeed.”

“We’d also like some cover, if you don’t mind.” Dick said brightly. “There’s still been no sign of Crane. And if he or anyone else shows up while we’re trying to wrangle Damian, there could be trouble.” Dick looked over with a dark grin. “And we don’t want any more trouble, you know?”

And he did. Bruce did know. Bruce knew all of that, and on a normal case, he’d have already suggested and done all of it.

But, still. His heart was getting in the way. For once, his heart was overriding his head, and all he found himself saying was, “But he’s my son…”

For the first time that night, Alfred softened a little. He put a hand on Bruce’s shoulder. “So let us help you get your son home safely.”

At that moment, Damian screamed. No words, just a loud sound as he dropped to his back, body bowing as his chest and hips lifted.

Dick swallowed. “Red.”

“I’m working on it!” Tim snapped, angrily punching buttons on his tablet. There was the sound of something falling across the room. “I think if I can just…”

The tablet beeped, and the door sighed as the seal broke.

Dick was at the door instantly, digging his fingers into the seam until the door shifted. Bruce grabbed it too, pulling it until the gap was wide enough for their bodies to slip through.

“Kid!” Dick was calling as he fell into the room first. Damian growled in response. Dick jumped across the room anyway, dropping to his knees. “I’ve got you.”

Tim got into the room next, and he silently went for Damian’s assailant. Then Alfred, who followed Dick. Bruce remained just inside the room.

“Can you hear me?” Dick asked quietly, running his hand over Damian’s hair. “Can you hear me, D?”

“Fuck off.” Damian gasped, pulling away from Dick’s hand and struggling to twist up onto his elbows. His cape twisted around his biceps. “F-fuck off, I don’t have to listen to you.”

“I know.” Dick said smoothly. He glanced at Alfred, who already had gauze out, and was trying to assess Damian’s injuries. “…Do you know who you’re talking to?”

“What, did Satan suddenly forget his own name?” Damian spat, waving his arm like he was swatting at a fly around his head. “We already had this conversation last time I was in Hell, you twat.”

Bruce felt himself twitch at the statement. But he didn’t get any more time to think about it, as Tim was calling, “Any time you feel like it, Batman!”

Bruce shook his head, running over to help Tim with the other man in the lab.

“So yes, I know your name. And I know what you’re going to say.” Damian droned as he slowly shifted to his knees. “I know my parents hate me. I know I’m worthless. I know it’s my fault everyone is dead. Or was there something else you’d like to add?”

“…Oh, my boy.” Alfred whispered, and Damian froze. His eyes went wide as he slowly sat back on his knees. “My boy, it’s alright.”

Damian blinked, and tears appeared in his eyes. Almost robotically, he turned his head towards Alfred. “No.”

Alfred smiled. “Yes, my dear. It’s me. I’m here.”

“No!” Damian wailed. He turned back towards the room, searching. Eventually his eyes landed on something above and behind Dick’s shoulder. “Get him out!”

Dick glanced behind him, just to make sure there was nothing, and even looked over towards Bruce and Tim. They both shrugged.

“Pennyworth does not belong in Hell.” Damian hissed. “You’ve stolen him, haven’t you. You’ve stolen him and you’ve trapped him here, you overgrown piece of shit. No wonder you were kicked out of Heaven, you absolute waste of space!”

Damian tried to lunge, but the slice in his side reacted to the movement, and he recoiled instantly, shoving his hand against it.

“I’ll duel you.” He decided. “I’ll duel you for his soul, and I’ll kill you. Then I’ll rule Hell, and I’ll be sure to get all the souls you’ve stolen out.”

“Damian.” Alfred tried softly. He passed the gauze to Dick. “My dear boy, I’m not in Hell.” He reached out and carefully took Damian’s hand between both of his. Damian’s eyes, impossibly, grew wider, as he turned to look at Alfred once more. “And neither are you.”

“I should be.” Damian breathed. “I should be for what I did to you.”

“You did nothing to me.” Alfred promised. “What happened wasn’t your fault.”

It was mine. Bruce thought, as he rolled the man and pulled his arms together for Tim. It was mine, and I let Damian take the blame.

“I should have done something. I should have figured something else out.” Damian gasped, tears rolling down his face. He jerked, but didn’t take his eyes off Alfred, as Dick pressed the gauze to his side. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”

“You have nothing to apologize for, Damian.” Alfred promised, squeezing Damian’s hand. “Absolutely nothing.”

“D, I need you to breathe.” Dick hummed. Damian jumped again, looked towards him. “Or, well, I need you to breathe slower. In and out.”

“I’m sorry.” Damian continued, eyes looking around the space, looking right through Dick. There was an accent in his voice now, and both Dick and Alfred knew too well that his accent only returned when their boy was at his lowest. “Pennyworth, I…I should have sacrificed myself. Bane would have happily killed me instead of you.”

“Don’t talk like that.” Alfred continued to try to soothe. “Damian, just focus on my voice, alright?”

“I should have let him kill me. I should have been there for Grayson.” Damian rambled. “I could have pushed him out of the way. Taken the bullet.” He tried to tug his hand from Alfred’s but the old man wouldn’t let go. “That’s why I’m here. That’s why I belong here. I failed you, and I failed Grayson and I am worthless so of course I belong down here in this god forsaken pl-”

“Hey.” Dick whispered. Balancing holding the pressure against Damian’s wound in one hand, he reached for Damian’s free hand with the other. Damian’s fingers twitched in his grip, and he watched with almost glee as recognition hit Damian’s eyes. “Kiddo, you didn’t fail me.”

Damian’s tears fell faster.

“You have never failed me a day in your life.” Dick smiled. “And look, see? I’m right here. I’m fine.”

“G-Grayson?” Damian murmured hopefully.

“Right here, Damian.” Dick nodded. Damian blinked at him, then looked at Alfred, then back. Then his eyes seemed to roam the room, like he was seeing it for the first time. He even looked over to Bruce, Tim and the man in the corner. “I came home.”

“…I’m sorry.” Damian whispered, looking back towards Dick. “I should have been there.”

Dick kept his grin, and shook his head. “No, you shouldn’t have.” He glanced behind Damian, watched as Alfred let go of his hand to reach into one of his pockets. It reappeared with the extra respirator they had brought, and he silently held the back of Damian’s head as he pressed it to his face. Once again, Damian didn’t seem to notice the action, nor Alfred retaking his hand. “I’m frankly real damn glad you weren’t.”

“It’s my job to protect Batman. My Batman.” Damian continued, frantically trying to blink the tears from his eyes. He turned to Alfred. “It’s my job to protect my family.”

“It’s not.” Alfred smiled too. “Your job as always been to allow us to love you, and to come home safe at the end of the day.”

“Your job is to be a kid.” Dick added. “Right now, your job is to not bleed out on this floor. Think you can do that for me?”

But Damian was shaking his head. Damian was pulling his trembling hands from theirs and hiding his face behind them as he doubled over himself and pressed his head to his knees.

“I’m sorry.” He cried. “I’m so sorry.”

“…I don’t think he believes they’re real.” Tim whispered as he leaned back from the unconscious man.

Bruce shook his head. “He won’t until his system is free of the gas.”

“Or until he stops losing blood.” Tim hummed. “We’ve gotta get him back to the cave.”

“I’m so sorry.” Damian continued across the room. “Please forgive me. Please, please forgive me.”

“…I agree.” Bruce sighed. He watched as Alfred pulled Damian’s hand back into his, and ran the other along the back of his head. As Dick, keeping one hand against the injury, wrapped his arm around Damian’s back and leaned his cheek on his shaking spine. “We need to get him home.”

“Want me to deal with this guy while you go with them?” Tim asked, pushing himself onto his feet.

Bruce watched for a moment longer. Listened as Damian sobbed, as Damian hated himself. Watched as Dick closed his eyes in sorrow, as Alfred wiped away his own tears too.

“No, I’ll…I’ll stay. They have him.” Bruce admitted, despite how tight his heart felt. “The more of us finishing this up, the faster we can all get home and be with him.” Tim nodded and helped Bruce to his feet, then leaned over to haul the man up. “…Nightwing.”

Dick opened his eyes and glanced over. After a moment, he nodded and sat back up. “Alfie.”

Alfred nodded too, reaching into another pocket and pulling out a syringe. Dick gently rolled Damian to his side, which Damian surprisingly allowed, and carefully gathered the boy into his arms.

“P-Please forgive me.” Damian continued, still hiding his eyes behind his one hand. As soon as he was settled, Alfred leaned forward and plunged the needle into his throat.

Like everything else, the fear gas made it so Damian didn’t notice.

They were all silent as the effects took hold. As Damian’s cries slowed, and tapered off into slow, watery breathes. As his hand dropped from his face in unconsciousness.

It was like a funeral procession as they left the remnants of the lab. Dick first, Damian in his arms. Alfred right behind them. Tim and Bruce bringing up the rear with the nameless man between them.

On the street, the GCPD were already swarming, taking the rest of the gang into custody. The plane Alfred and Dick brought sat in the middle of the road not far away.

“Get him home.” Bruce murmured as he passed Dick. “Call with any updates. We should be back soon.”

“Take your time.” Dick hummed. “It’s going to take us a while to get him stable.”

Bruce nodded, and gave Dick’s shoulder a grateful squeeze. He nodded to Alfred, who gave him a grim smile, and then they parted ways. Bruce watched as they loaded into the plane, as it took off down the street.

He exhaled, and let himself smile, just a little.

He’d found him. He’d found his boy.

It was another two or so hours before the rest of them could clamor home, the city saved, the day won. They’d found Crane, and they each took an extra punch or two to him, in honor of Damian.

But when Bruce stepped out of the Batmobile in the cave, the first sound to greet his ears was Damian crying. Still.

He frowned as he moved up the stairs. Had the gas not worn off yet? Why hadn’t they given him an antidote?

But he stopped as the medbay came into view. Damian was hooked up to every machine available, injuries bandaged and Dick was lying next to him on the cot. Damian himself was sat up, and engulfed in the embrace of one Alfred Pennyworth.

“You’re alive.” He was wailing, clinging to Alfred’s torso. To Dick, who was rubbing his back, he cried, “You came back.” Then to both, even as Alfred tried to wipe at the boy’s eyes. “You’re both here.”

“Like we could ever stay away from you, kiddo.” Dick smirked.

But still, among the tears of relief and reunion, was the litany that wasn’t as influenced as the fear gas as they’d hoped.

“I’m sorry.” Damian whispered. Alfred just stroked at his hair. Dick just rolled over and wrapped his arms around his waist, careful of the now bandaged stab wound nearby. “I’m so sorry. For everything that’s happened. For everything I did. Everything I didn’t do.”

It was something they’d have to work on, all of them. And a confrontation was coming, Bruce knew. But that was okay. That was fine. It didn’t matter. There was only one thing that mattered. One thing that Bruce, and everyone, was grateful for.

Damian was home.

[kagetsukai]

OTP ship questions

So... this ship questions list has been making the rounds, and since I’m neck-deep in trying to finish up the story for Sam and Benji, I’ve decided to fill out ALL OF THEM. In one go. I’m extra, sue me.

(under a cut cuz I actually like you people) :P

PRE-RELATIONSHIP

1. How did they first meet?

Sam moved to Wayhaven and into Benji’s apartment complex. They didn’t start talking until Sam was getting mugged while on her run, Benji jumped in to help her, and then she punched him on accident. Benji does like to call it “love at first punch”

2. What was their first impression of each other?

Total heart eyes on both sides. They are both total cuties and they were eyeing each other before they actually started talking. Benji thought Sam was a little withdrawn and grumpy, while Sam thought Benji was really weird for grinning like a maniac all the time.

3. Did any of their friends or family want them to get together?

I mean, Tina was the driving force from the very beginning and super invested in those two idiots getting together. Once it was apparent how cute Sam and Benji were together, the entire damn town wanted them to get/stay together. Sam’s cousin Liz was like “please enjoy yourself with the man”. Hell, even Benji’s ex was happy for them!

4. Who felt romantic feelings first?

Benji. The man wears his heart on his sleeve AND is incapable of holding back. He also has more experience with knowing what such emotions feel like so he can recognize them quicker. He’ll also claim that he fell in love with Sam the moment she punched him, so there’s that.

5. Did either of them try to resist their feelings?

Both of them, actually! There’s a time limit on how long Sam will be staying in Wayhaven so both of them knew falling in love was a very bad idea. But they are so well-suited for each other that it was inevitable.

6. If you had told one of them that the other would be their soulmate, what would they think?

I think there would be an overwhelming “hell yeah!” on both accounts, because of how strongly they feel for each other. Sam would feel a sense of relief, because she grew up hearing stories of how her sperm donor (aka bio dad) just impregnated her mother and left her behind, so knowing Benji would actually stay and love her would be a happy news. Benji would be ecstatic to know Sam is his soulmate and would probably tell everybody who stopped long enough to be told. Deep down, he’d still doubt himself and the knowledge, because he has a long history of abandonment. Even with regular reminders, he’d still be afraid that Sam would decide one day that there had been a mistake and leave.

7. What would their lives be like if they had never met?

Sam would become a bonafide workaholic with a limited number of friends - to Liz’s constant frustration. If she managed to find someone that she liked well enough, she’d probably settle down with them eventually, but maybe not feel a great passion for them. Just a decent, average life in California.

Benji would have gotten together with Felix and have a happy, fulfilled life with him. He’d probably get turned into a vampire at some point, too.

GENERAL

1. Who initiated the relationship, and how did it go?

Benji initiated it. Sam rejected the idea of dating at first, but after some cajoling, she agreed to keep going out with him.

2. Did they have an official first date? If so, what was it like?

The first date was very casual and not really an official date - they went for dinner at a crab shack. Their second date was a little more dressy, with a dinner and a movie, and they both put in more effort into everything.

3. What was their first kiss like?

Amazing. Sam got a little tipsy and decided to leave a lipstick print on Benji’s neck as a way of “flirting”. Since the man is a slut for neck kisses, he took that as an invitation to have proper kisses and smooched her senseless right there and then. Sam did NOT complain.

4. Were they each other’s first anything (kiss, relationship, etc.)?

Sam had never had sex with a man before Benji (only had experiences with women), so it was a big deal when it happened. Benji made sure to take it slow and gave her a fantastic first-time experience.

5. What’s their height difference? Age difference?

Sam is 5’10 and Benji is 6’3, so there’s about 5 inches of difference between them. There’s about 2.5 years of difference between them in age.

6. What’s their relationship with each other’s families?

Sam ends up having a decent relationship with Rebecca, after some time. It’s a little difficult to interact with someone who is barely around, but Sam tries to be nice all the same (since it’s important to Benji). She definitely has a much closer relationship with Benji’s found family, Tina and all the older ladies who appointed themselves Benji’s guardians. They all love Sam dearly and the feeling is mutual.

Benji has a fantastic relationship with Liz and her husband/kids. The kids in particular looooove hanging off Benji and using him like a jungle gym. Benji and Liz have this pact of sorts where they would murder a bitch in order to protect Sam from harm - and be each other’s alibi, too. They did start off on a slightly wrong foot, but it got cleared up quickly. That being said, Benji is not fond of Sam’s extended family - they can be challenging.

7. Who takes the lead in social situations?

Benji, always. He’s the resident extrovert and will behave like a shield for when Sam feels overwhelmed with crowds or situations.

8. Who gets jealous easier?

Benji. He rarely acts on the emotion, though. At the beginning of the relationship, he’d just get quiet and in his own head a lot; later on he’d casually bring it to Sam to make sure he has nothing to worry about. 

Sam still gets jealous, though it’s not as common. After all, her man is fucking sexy and *of course* women would want to poach him. Gotta stay vigilant.

9. Who whispers inappropriate things in the other’s ear?

They are BOTH culprits of that one. Very often those are VERY explicit things, but mostly it’s just passing comments or even just sexy glances. Those two are *into* each other.

LOVE

1. Who said “I love you” first?

Sam, strangely enough. Having your life flash before your eyes sure makes you more willing to take chances with love ;)

2. What are their primary love languages?

Sam

Give: Acts of service, touch Receive: Quality time, touch

Benji: Give: Quality time, touch Receive: Touch, quality time

3. Who uses cheesy pick-up lines?

Benji, hands down. He’s a cheeseball.

4. How often do they cuddle/engage in PDA?

As often as they can get away with it. They are both touch starved idiots with a variety of abandonment issues, so being glued to each other is a natural state for them.

5. Who initiates kisses?

Benji, more often than not. He craves that physical reassurance from Sam ALL the time.

6. Who’s the big and little spoon?

Benji will want to be the little spoon as often as he can get away with it. He loves being held and having his hair played with, so settling half of his body into Sam’s lap is literally his favorite thing. That being said, when they sleep, he’s usually the big spoon.

7. What are their favorite things to do together?

Hiking and being active. When Benji was recovering from his stint at the hospital after Murphy, Sam would go with him on hikes to make sure he wasn’t pushing himself too much physically. Then they never stopped. Benji loves going places to photograph Sam for the millionth time. They will also go to the gym together, if their schedules align. They also love doing the couch potato things together: watching movies/Netflix or him playing video games while her feet are draped all over him as she reads her current murder mystery.

8. Who’s better at comforting the other?

Sam might be just a little better at it than Benji, but only because he has shitty impulse control and often will blurt out things he shouldn’t. Sam will generally sit and listen to Benji, cuddle him, pet his hair, etc. Benji will do similar things, but his need to crack jokes about inappropriate things gets him in trouble relatively often.

9. Who’s more protective?

Benji. He would NOT hesitate to murder a person in cold blood to keep Sam safe. It’s not exactly a healthy thing, but we all know the man needs therapy.

10. Do they prefer verbal or physical affection?

Benji is a cuddle monster and would be wrapped around Sam 24/7 if allowed. That being said, since Sam is a little reserved about verbalizing her feelings for him, anytime she says “I love you” first, he feels absolutely ecstatic.

Sam’s family wasn’t a very outwardly affectionate people, so she’s not used to either type of displays? That being said, since Benji is always a walking furnace, she absolutely loves when he gives her cuddles. It’s her favorite thing.

11. What are some songs that apply to their relationship, in-universe or otherwise?

*opens up their playlist*

Camila Cabello - Easy Amber Run - I Found Dermot Kennedy - Power Over Me X Ambassador - Unsteady Hozier - Work Song

12. What kind of nicknames do they call each other?

Benji calls Sam “baby” all the time. She usually just calls him Benji, but also occasionally “mi carino” or “my love”. Pretty sure he dies every time she calls him “my love”.

13. Who remembers the little things?

I feel like they’re both pretty good about remembering the little things. Sam is better about remembering significant dates, but that’s because she has a digital calendar and isn’t afraid to use it :P

DOMESTIC LIFE

1. If they get married, who proposes?

Benji is the one who proposes. It happens on a random night while getting ready for bed, while they’re both in the bathroom in their bedclothes. It’s adorable and very them.

2. What’s the wedding like? Who attends?

The wedding would most likely happen in Wayhaven. I can’t imagine either Benji or Sam wanting a huge ceremony, but since they’ve become the town’s favorite lovebirds, it kind of goes out of control. Once some of their supernatural friends get involved, it really goes a little crazy. It ends up happening at a city park so it can fit all of the attendees. Some of Sam’s family flies in from out of town. Tina is Benji’s best “man” and Liz is Sam’s matron of honor. Benji absolutely loses his shit when he sees Sam in the wedding dress walking down the aisle and totally disrupts the ceremony to try to kiss her out of turn. Other than a ridiculous number of people there (seriously, probably at least half of the town shows up), it’s a pretty chill party, with lots of remembrance of Sam’s mom and Benji’s dad. Let’s just say it was a good day :)

3. How many kids do they have, if any? What are they like?

There are a few AUs for these dorks, but in most of those they have two kids: a girl and a boy. Ella is precocious, outgoing, clever, and energetic. Liam is a giant cuddle bug with a gorgeous smile and a big heart, who prefers to tinker with things in a workshop than get involved with his older sister’s shenanigans.

4. Do they have any pets?

They eventually end up with two dogs that they take on their hikes. They only have one dog for the longest time because apartment living isn’t exactly conducive to pet ownership. Once they get a house, they expand their menagerie. There might be a stray cat they sorta adopt, too.

5. Who’s the stricter parent?

Sam, hands down. Benji is a giant pushover for his wife and children, and would let his kids climb all over him, as long as they were happy.

6. Who worries the most?

That really depends on what about. Benji is perpetually worried about keeping his family safe and provided for. Sam has anxiety about a variety of small things and it’s not hard for her to worry about random stuff.

7. Who kills the bugs in the house?

Depends on the bugs. Benji loathes spiders so Sam’s in charge of removing those. Sam absolutely cannot deal with centipedes and roaches, so Benji gets to kill those.

8. How do they celebrate holidays?

When it’s just the two of them, they either go visit one of their friends in town and spend it with them. Once kids arrive, they do holidays at home and tend to go big in the food department. Rebecca is always invited, but it depends on whether she can make it that time or not. They like it when holidays are warm and filled with happiness/laughter.

9. Who’s more likely to convince the other to come back to sleep in the morning?

Benji. If he’s not working that morning, he would not want to leave the bed and would do everything in his power to keep Sam in there.

10. Who’s the better cook?

Sam. Benji isn’t terrible at it, but Sam is so much better that he rarely bothers with it. Also, Sam tends to treat cooking as stress relief (chopping veggies is great anger management), so he lets her do the thing in peace. That being said, if she’s too tired to cook, or it’s been a long day, or the kids are demanding her attention, Benji feels comfortable enough in the kitchen to take over and make dinner.

11. Who likes to dance?

Sam, hands down. Her mom loved to dance so she grew up around it. Unfortunately, Benji has two left feet so she doesn’t have many opportunities to flex those muscles (outside of occasional slow-dancing in the kitchen). She will occasionally drag Tina out for a night of dancing and go to a salsa club. It can really hit the spot.

[thelakesuite]

more musical rambles. not entirely concepts but whatev.

definite songs (not necessarily the titles): the house, finding love, the staircase/the elixir, the fortune teller, the search, the family band/voodoo, the war hero/the trenches, the well pt. 1, the treasure/the stars/the graveyard (the timepieces basically), the last dance (reprise of the family band), roots

definite scenes: the uncle, child's play, fertility, the clock, masks, the swing, the wedding photo, the painting, the lying game, the brood, communication

could be either: the well pt. 2 (reprising part 1), checkmate (it'd be a lil short tho)

major changes: childbirth (we don't see her giving birth but ya do see the babies. still unsure about this one, might decide to just cut it),     the wake (doesnt really happen, james just gets his tongue cut out and we move to child's play),     masks (happens after clock, emma tries to support al saying he doesn't need to cover his face etc., sam introduces al to ida. pretty much completely different),     the brood (no frank. leonard interrupts and finds out his uncle is more a wacko than he thought. detailed this before. straight transition into war hero),     communication (the main level stuff happens yes, but leonard comes in afterwards n bonds with rose a bit. asks about his parents, or maybe just their mother, maybe you can talk to them too, etc. tender stuff man),     the bathroom (0 idea here man but i do not want frank nakey in the tub. or nakey at all really. he’ll get some pants on in the well i promise. i'd love to cut it, but that's where the hair gets collected so i can't really. might even move it to just after the well. i do want a scene of al meets frank and is like "if it isn't the consequences of my actions" but you can't really incorporate the shaving into that.)

added scenes: i’d love to have one of albert recovering in bed after the beehive like kanman did but that requires a bed. odds are anyway i’ll have mary come out during child’s play to bandage up albert and scold sam and emma a bit anyway (so much for putting that in the major changes) // between the lying game and the family band, albert makes his voodoo dolls and monologues, onlooked by mr. crow. mary might also come out to try to calm al down after what happened in the lying game (the timeline’s lowkey fucked anyway might as well) and make sure he doesnt hurt anybody (not successfully ofc). unfortunately a crystal-ball-smashing scene can't be sustained to my knowledge. those bitches kinda expensive. // rose explains to frank and leonard what the reincarnation plan is to her best knowledge. still don’t have too much for this one but i’ll burn that bridge when i get to it

- for each level a sacrifice is collected (except for emma's tears and rose's blood), a corrupted stagehand comes down through the house and places a jar front center just before the scene/song starts. capture that feeling of dread yaknow. for emma and rose the vials are brought onstage as props by william.

- no samuel is not changing costume every scene like in the game. we can't do costume changes between family band and voodoo (ok maybe it's possible but it really isn't worth it). same goes for ida

- detailing the war hero/the trenches: starts with leonard solo workin on the motorbike, singin bout finally leaving albert behind (tho he'll miss rose), maybe finding purpose on the warfront, etc. he rides off, the mechanics of which i'm not sure yet. it’d be funny to have william just push him along but being funny ain’t the goal here.         the basement background is dropped, the lights dim (like a lot) (also if we can get a fog machine or two for here, fortune teller and maybe roots that'd be dooope), leonard comes out again lookin all soldierly and a bit dazed (frontish center). sam and ida in their wedding garb (and eyepatches lol) slowly walk on in the background n cross the stage, maybe holding a lantern?, sing to him about missing home (he responds a bit to all of these), then albert in his deer skull comes on the same way (from the opposite side), same singing bit but about Pain and Suffering or whatever al's on about, Thing will Only Get Worse Out Here etc.. then mr crow comes out (again opposite side) hands behind his back like "we need you, you do have purpose, you'll find out soon enough". then fucking. throws the grenade at him! leonard investigates like a dumbass, lights go off completely as the explosion cuts the music.          i have settled on him losing a hand instead, mostly so it's actually visible he's Disabled bc a pegleg isnt feasible. just put one of those morphsuit types over his hand patterned like a prosthesis n leave the rest to the actor ig? discretion of the costumer. fourish beats after the music's over, a spotlight comes on center stage to show william putting leonard's hand into one of the jars, then cuts. set transitions to outside the house as the lights come back on and leonard comes home hooray.        part of me wants to have different actors for pre- and post-war leonard but there’s not much point to that. maybe it’s the facial hair that’s pricking me but we gotta pull that off for samuel too and he didn’t stir me so idk what it is. age probably? since that actor’d be introduced as leonard in the family band and he’s meant to be a teen there. high school tv shows pull that shit all the time tho i’m sure it’ll be fine (and once again the timeline is fucked up)

- oh btw i’m thinking the deer skull won’t be a full thing but instead treated like those face shields welders wear? like al just lifts the thing up to the top of his head when he needs to instead of taking it off. might be more trouble than it’s worth esp since i’m not actually sure how those face shields work (if it needs a bar across the forehead i ain’t doin it)

[jdmslut-red]

Story: In the Dark

Chapter: 2 out of ?

Pairings: Negan x OC (Negan and Lilith)

Characters: Lilith, Negan, Ghost, Mike, etc.

RATED M

Violence, mentions of rape, torture, swearing, erotica.

Chapter II

CH 2

Days passed by in a haze while he was there. Negan wasn't sure how many days it had been since he woke up in the tree house to the strange wolf and woman. Seven or maybe eight days? He wasn't sure, he didn't keep track of days anymore. Negan was slowly recovering from his wound. It seemed like forever ago since he had company. He never thought he'd say it but he was glad for it. She never spoke much, always changing the subject whenever he asked her a question. But slowly, she began to feel more at ease around him. 

Negan really enjoyed her company. He hoped that she wouldn't actually send him away. Yes she was a little too quiet for his liking but... she bared strong similarities to his Lucille. The thought alone should scare him, send him running and never look back. But surprisingly, Negan didn't mind. He made his peace with his wife. He buried the stupid baseball bat he named after her.  

Hell even the thought of even seeing another baseball bat angered him for the longest time. He didn't want to be reminded of his long lost love.  But here she was... Lilith. The unspoken softness and gentleness of her reminded him all too well of his late wife. And it didn't bothered him. In fact, he found it... oddly soothing. 

The fact that she was skilled with a sword only deepened his interest in her. She was a goddamn ninja warrior with that thing, slicing and dicing away at walkers. Dead ones... that's right she called them dead ones. He didn't know how a woman this fierce and deadly could also be so... gentle. It intrigued him to his core. 

And he couldn't lie and say that every time she touched him, to change his bandages or even a simple touch on the shoulder, he didn't feel something deep stir inside of him. She was beautiful there was no denying it. She had long pale blond hair that she mostly kept it up in a messy bun or ponytail. A few strangling strands of hair that always fell on her face.

He loved the way she blew at the strands of hairs with her breath or tucked them behind her ears. He loved the way she licked her lips or bit her bottom lip when she was concentrating deeply on something. Hell he even started to like the damn wolf! 

"Winter is almost here." She spoke softly, stirring him from his thoughts. "We have to move soon. The snow will be too deep and the tree house won't provide any warmth." 

Negan looked up at the cloudy skies. She was right, soon it would start to snow. The only good thing about the north was that the winter slowed down the walkers. And it seemed to have a lot less survivors too. 

He stood up, wiping the dust from his pants before walking over to the fire. Negan put the fire out and collected their dinner, following her up the steps to the tree house. The wind howled behind them, the temperature was quickly dropping. Like it always did at dusk. 

"Ghost come!" She shouted down to her wolf once they reached the top of the stairs. 

The white wolf quickly ran up the stairs, almost tripping Negan and Lilly in the process. 

"Damn dog!" Negan puffed. 

"He's just excited. And he's a wolf. How many times do I have to tell you?" She snickered. 

They made their way inside, closing and barricading the door. 

"Well excuse the goddamn fucking fuck out of me." 

She shook her head and rolled her eyes at him. "You always swear this much?" 

"Yes..." Negan hissed, licking his lips. "Yes I fucking do! And I thought you liked that about me." He grinned down at her. 

"You wish." She laughed. 

"Well you're not so perfect yourself princess. You got a damn mouth on you too." 

"I hardly swear as much as you do." She responded taking the items from his grasp. 

"Not as much but you still got a damn dirty mouth on you darling." Negan did his famous backward lean, as if to prove a point. 

"You're..." She inhaled a long breath. 

"I'm what? Charming? Incredibly good looking? Funny as fuck? A badass mother fucker?" Negan snickered, taking a quick step towards her and towering over her. "Tell me... what am I doll? What do you like about me?"

Lilith licked her lips. "More like incredibly annoying as fuck." She grinned back at him. 

"I rest my fucking case." He opened his arms wide. "I love your dirty mouth." Negan smirked, dropping his arms to his sides again. "And I know you love mine doll. And you haven't seen anything yet." He wiggled his eyebrows at her in a suggestive manner. 

"Do you ever take a hint?" 

"Oh I certainly do sweetheart." He invaded her personal space once more, dipping his head down low to whisper at her ear. "Your mouth says no but your body says yes baby." 

She shuddered at his breath dancing across her skin, making the hairs on the back of her neck stand up. Lily cleared her throat, placing her free hand on his chest. She slightly pushed him away while simultaneously taking a step back. 

"You just don't know when to quit." She groaned at him before finally turning away and getting their dinner settled. 

Negan helped her carry things at their table. A few days ago they cleared out some of the cluttered mess in the back of the tree house and found a pop up desk. It wasn't too sturdy and couldn't hold much weight but it served it's purpose. 

Negan was about to retort to her comment but was interrupted when they heard a loud crack followed by the wind howling. He looked outside the window and saw tress bending harshly at the wind. 

"You think it'll hold?" He asked her. 

"It's just a gust of wind. It's not like we're gonna have a tornado." Lily approached the window as well, standing beside him. She frowned, looking at the trees and flinching at the crackling sounds of the tree house. "It should hold..." 

"You don't sound so fucking confident darling." Negan spoke. 

"What are our other options? There's nothing around for miles. We would never make it on foot with this weather." 

Negan grimaced. She was right. There was no other shelter around them, not for miles. They had to hold up here for another night and hope that damn tree house didn't collapse. 

Ghost whined, nudging Lily's leg with his nose. She sighed and crouched down to pet him. "I know baby I know. We're gonna be ok..." Her voice almost wavered. 

Negan hated the uncertainty in her. For once he wished he was the one providing for them and keeping her safe. He was damn sick of being useless and just sitting around only keeping the fire going. But Lilly insisted upon in it, saying he still had to heal. 

"We will." He told her. "It'll hold. I reckon only a goddamn tornado can tear our tree house apart." He joked. 

"A moment ago, you weren't so sure." 

"Neither were you darling." He pointed out. 

Lily frowned looking at Ghost once more, who was licking his chops. "You hungry sweet boy?" She asked him in soft but slightly high pitched voice. Ghost woofed lightly, shaking his head up and bouncing on his front paws. Lily giggle, scratching his ears. "I know baby. Let's eat." She stood up to get his bowl. Lily took a big scoop of their rabbit stew and plopped down onto Ghost's bowl. 

"Jesus! That fucking dog eats more than us!" Negan groaned. 

"Oh relax! We have plenty of food thanks to me!" 

Negan frowned. She was right, she had been quite busy the past few days killing whatever animal she could find and gathering up supplies while he was left lying around. He hated every fucking second of it. Not knowing when or if she was going to return. 

"I didn't mean anything by it." Lily said. "You need to rest so you don't rip your stitches. Speaking of which, I need to change your bandage after dinner." 

Negan nodded. He didn't say anything this time. They simply sat down and ate in silence. The only audible noises was Ghost inhaling his food bowl and the wind whistling outside. Once they finished their meal, Lily went to clean their bowls in the bucket of water they separated for cleaning dishes. Negan stopped her however. 

"Let me do these. You need to rest. You've been running around all damn day." 

"You still need to change your bandages Negan." She sighed. 

"I know." He told her. "Just got sit down for a little bit. You look exhausted." 

"Gee thanks. Did anyone ever tell you not to comment on a lady's appearance."

"My fucking bad doll." He chuckled. "I just mean you need a little shut of eye. And don't think I haven't noticed you haven't been sleeping either!" 

Lilith quickly averted her gaze, hoping he would drop the topic. 

"Nightmares again?" He asked. 

"It's normal." She shrugged. 

Negan sighed, not wanting to upset her and push the manner further. He wished she would talk to him nevertheless. Maybe he could help. Was it the group she mentioned when they first met? He suspected so. But whenever he asked her about it, she quickly changed the subject. He didn't want to upset her but he needed to know what threat they were facing. He wanted to keep her safe, just as she's been keeping him safe. 

Fuck it! "You gotta talk to me doll. I can't help you if you don't tell me what's going on. That group you mentioned... are they after you? I need to know."

Lily sighed heavily. "I killed most of them. Mike..." She gritted her teeth at the mention of his name. "He's still out there." 

Negan felt the empty and nauseating feeling at the bottom of his stomach. He knew she had been through a lot. He caught a glimpse of the scars on her shoulders and back before. Was that from this so called Mike? Did he fucking do this to her? 

"Who the fuck is Mike?" He almost growled. 

Lily flinched at the venom pouring through from his voice. She had to tell him. It was only a matter of time before he put two and two together. Besides; he was right, he needed to know what they were up against. 

"Mike was... my ex." She replied after a while. "I met him during the apocalypse. We had a group. He wasn't always the leader." She spoke while pacing in front of the window. She stopped to look out the window, turning her back to Negan. The sky was already getting dark, the sound of the trees hustling against the wind could be heard plainly outside. "The guy in charge before Mike... he just lost it. He went crazy and started killing his own people for not going out on runs or not agreeing with him. Mike finally took him down. He was a good guy, a good leader... or so we thought." She took a deep breath. 

"We got involved shortly after he became the new leader. Everything was going well for a while... until a herd came through. The dead ones started to pile up against walls, almost climbing on top each other. We've never seen anything like that before. The more we cleared the more would appear. People started panicking..." 

Negan made his way to stand behind her, itching to comfort her in some way. He wanted to reach out and grab her, pull her tightly to his chest. But he didn't want to startle her. A long moment passed by before she spoke again. 

"He killed them. Innocent people. Pregnant women, children... He said if anyone else panicked or spoke they would be next. He started killing them like flies... I tried to stop him, plead with him. He just smiled at me..." Lilith growled. "He looked me in the eyes and fucking smiled like some sick fuck. Like what he was doing was right. He said he needed to keep things in order. He told me he was just looking out for the rest of us. Panic was just going to get everyone killed. Anyways, I tried to put an end to things but his personal little soldiers caught me. He wanted to make an example out of me." Lily spoke with a shaky breath. "He locked me in a fucking basement and tortured me. It took days for me to escape. I don't even know how long I was down there..." 

"Jesus fuck..." Negan gasped. 

"Once I escaped I just kept going north. They tracked me down. But I killed them. One by one I started killing them all. Everyone that came after me." She spoke flatly. "And that's when I found Ghost." She turned around finally facing Negan with a small smile. 

"We kept moving north after Ghost was fit enough to to walk. We didn't see a single living person for a long time. Not until Ghost was fully grown... They caught up with us again. One of Mike's men almost... Ghost killed him, teared his throat right off." She held her tears at bay, walking over to her wolf who was laying down by her bed. 

She pet his soft coat, giving him multiple kisses and scratching behind his ears. "He saved my life more than once." She cleared her throat to mask a sniffle. "I wouldn't be here if it wasn't for him." 

Negan approached them in quick strides. He opened his mouth to speak but before he could, Ghost quickly turned his attention to him. For a moment Negan froze as the big white wolf stood up and made his way to him. Negan slowly put his hand out for the wolf to sniff. The wolf smelled his hand briefly before licking his digits. 

"He likes you." Lily smiled. 

"Well thank fucking fuck! In case you haven't caught on, I'm not so good with dogs." 

"Wolf Negan. He's a wolf for the last time!" 

Negan ignored her comment this time, smiling as Ghost finally let him pet him. "You're not so bad are you boy? Look at you, you're just a big fucking cuddly dog." 

Ghost woofed in protest, nudging Negan's hand for more pats. 

Negan chuckled. "Good boy! I'm finally beginning to see what your mom sees in you." 

Ghost rolled onto his back, showing Negan his belly, almost demanding him to pet him there. Negan laughed wholeheartedly, rubbing the wolf's belly. "Thank fucking fuck you don't want to eat me anymore. I rather have you as a friend." He told the wolf. 

Lily smiled. She was shocked Ghost was being this trusting towards Negan. Well it was only a matter of time she supposed. But still, Ghost hated people as much as she did. Even the few friendly ones they encountered on the road. Lilly had to keep the wolf away from a family once. Their small child tried to pet Ghost and Ghost almost bit the boy's hand off. So yeah, this was a  shocking turn of events. 

Lily smiled wider taking in Negan's carefree and genuine expression. Sure he was a loud mouthed asshole but in the past week, she got small glimpses of a different Negan. He even told her about the saviors, about Rick, the group called the whisperers. She cringed at the thought of them. People skinning dead ones and wearing a damn skin suit. Fucking disgusting! He told her the things he did to keep his place running, the people he killed. It wasn't hard to imagine that Negan. In fact, the whole king and leadership thing... she thought it suited him well. She didn't blame him or judged him for the way he ran things. Sure maybe bashing people in the head over and over again in front of their family and friends was gruesome, but she knew why he did it. Besides, she had just as much blood on her hands if not more. 

Negan looked up at her, frowning at her slowly disappearing smile. For the first time since he buried his bat, he wished to have Lucille back. He wanted to find this Mike and bash his fucking head in over and over again. He knew there was more to this story, he knew she wasn't telling him everything but he wouldn't push her anymore. He was content that she let her guard down enough to tell him the important part. 

"I'm sorry." He spoke quietly, almost in a whisper. 

"For what?" She knitted her brows together.

"For what you've been through. No man should ever lay his hand on a fucking woman." Negan growled. "If I ever see that fucker I'm killing him... fucking slowly and intimately."

"Thanks but I call dibs." She joked. 

"As long as I get a hit doll." 

"It's a deal." She chuckled. "Now let's change that bandage." She got up from the floor and went to the file cabinet where she kept the first aid kid and whatever meds she got her hands on. 

Negan got up as well, taking off his shirt and making his way to his bed. He sat down and waited for her to gather the things she needed. Negan looked outside through the window near the foot of his bed. The sky was completely pitch black now. Thankfully, the wind had died down quite a bit. It almost eerily silent again. 

"Weird fucking weather." He groveled. "This place is goddamn bipolar." 

Lily laughed at his comment, throwing her head back and holding her stomach. 

Negan chuckled at her. "Your sense of humor is fucking weird doll. You find that funny but my actual jokes get no never fucking mind from you." 

"You're ridiculous." She shook her head, rubbing her face.  She made her way over to him, kneeling down between his legs. "Let's see..." She said before slowly removing his old bandage. "It's healing nicely." She commented. "How's the pain?"

"A lot more manageable I suppose." Negan shrugged. 

"You'd be healing a lot faster if you didn't move around so damn much." She said before damping the cloth with rubbing alcohol. Negan hissed when she applied the cold damp cloth to his wound. "Sorry." She grumbled. "Soon enough we can remove the stitches I guess."

"You guess?" He snapped. 

"I told you before Negan I ain't no fucking medic." 

"You sure do know your shit though darling." 

"Experience." She shrugged. 

Once Lily finished cleaning his would, she took the roll of bandages in her hand, frowning at it.  

"What?" Negan questioned. 

"It's the only one we have now." She said looking up at him. "I need to find more bandages." 

"We'll find some more when we find some. It's not a priority right now." 

"It is too!" She barked. "Can't have you opening your stitches and bleeding out me."

"Awww you do care about me." Negan teased.

She glared at him. 

"Damn sweetheart, you do things to me with those piercing stares of yours, with those goddamn baby blues... Fuck!" 

She sighed before beginning to wrap the thin bandages around his torso. "I reckon I need to use this whole roll." She said. "We don't have much tape either." 

"Seriously, don't worry about it doll. I'll be fine." 

"You're so fucking stubborn." She huffed. 

"Damn straight!" He grinned. 

"Hold this here?" She asked him.

Negan put his hand on top of hers, ignoring the shock that pulsated through his body when their fingers touched. Lily cut some pieces of tape, placing it all around him to hold the bandage together. 

"Jesus Christ! I think you used enough tape there doll... gonna look like a fucking mummy soon." 

She groaned. "I have to make sure it stays on. You're such an asshole."

Negan leered at her, licking his top teeth and making a wet tsk sound. "I know." He spoke gravely. "And the fucked up thing is that you like me anyway!" 

She blushed. "I can't stand you sometimes." Lily made a move to stand up but Negan grabbed her wrist, stopping her from moving. 

"You know you do." He spoke seriously. "I know you know..." 

She frowned. What the fuck was he going in about now? 

"You can't deny we have... something going on here." He pointed between them. 

"Negan..." She warned him. 

"I'm not asking for anything. I just want you to be honest." He spoke candidly. 

"Sure. I like you I guess." She shrugged. "Can you let me go now?" 

"Who's the fucking stubborn one?" Negan sighed, letting go of her wrist. "You should get some sleep." He told her. 

"I plan on it." She spoke while standing up. 

Ghost was already fast asleep besides her bed. Lily smiled. They were gonna have a long day tomorrow. Or the next couple of days. Who knows where and when they could find another shelter strong enough to hold the winter, walkers and people. There are no such places. Not anymore. Lilly sighed laying down, curling up on her side and wrapping herself up in a blanket. 

Negan put his shirt back on and went to turn off the lantern and blow out the candles. They needed to find a good place. This was going to be a bad winter. He stood in front of the window for a while, deep in thought. Where the fuck where the going to find a place safe enough? There wasn't any houses or buildings for miles. It took a half a day on foot just to reach the gas station. And it took a whole day on foot to reach the closest neighborhood and stores. Negan groaned lowly, careful not to wake her. He had to find a place for them. He had to keep her safe. 

He turned around and looked at the woman curled up in her bed across the room from him. He frowned. The shit she'd been through... and he was sure she barely scratched the surface with her information. Fucking piece of shit Mike! He couldn't even stomach the thought of the things she must have gone through in the hands of that sorry sack of shit. He couldn't wait to get his hands on him. 

Negan wasn't one to quickly become attached to someone. But he felt like he's known this woman a lot longer. But at the same time... it felt like he only knew her for a day. As confusing as that was. One thing was for certain however; he was not going to let anything happen to her, or Ghost for that matter. He needed to make sure Ghost was around in case he couldn't be. The wolf kept her safe all this time. And he would be damned if would let her best weapon be taken away from her. Well, he didn't look at Ghost as a weapon or beast. Not anymore. Certainly not after today anyways.

[metalchick19-blog]

The Bowers Gang: Ship #10 - Patrick Hockstetter

Request: Hi! I’d like to request a ship post for Patrick( mostly cause I’m a guy and he doesn’t care) I’m 5’6, short blond hair, blue eyes. I wear aviator glasses and I dress mostly in pastels. I’m very friendly and charismatic goody two shoes at first and then when you get to know me I’m a massive trash mouth that never fucking shuts up. I’m super impulsive, and just a stubborn dumbass all round. I make no bones telling people how I feel or getting In fights. I fear nothing physical, only ghosts.

You started off as just another one of the many guys that Patrick fucks around with

Hockstetter legitimately has the longest list of male booty calls ever compiled (i.e. he’s a playboy, regardless of gender), and you were just floating around in that vast sea of meaningless sex for the first few months of knowing him

... Which changed the second he keyed in to your double-sided nature 

Patrick had already planned on taking things farther with you than with most other guys (because he was insanely turned on by your straight-laced, “good boy” image)...

... but officially decided he needed to own you the second he saw you drop that charismatic shit and get angry with someone 

* Partly because your impulsive hot-headedness reminded him of Henry, but we’ll sweep that little tibit under the rug *

Essentially just loved the fact that you were ready to throw down at the drop of a hat (meaning you’re crazy as shit on the inside) even though you come off as someone who’s easy to dominate initially 

Basically became Hockstetter’s new goal in life to see how long it would take him to “break” that strong-willed side of you, and make you just as obedient as the “good little girls” he dates 

In other words, he wants to annihilate your strength of spirit and alpha/omega the shit out of you 

Have fun with that fucked up relationship dynamic 

Makes fun of how you dress 24/7

Could not be avoided 

You’ve literally heard every prep joke in the book within the first 2 months of your relationship, and I can assure you they’ll never stop (”What’s the matter, guy - daddy take the keys to your favorite Lincoln last night?” *Highly judgmental Hockstetter cackle*)

Tries to introduce weird pet names for you on a regular basis (he’s called you “cum dumpster,” “right hand,” and “lady killer” completely out of the blue), but you veto most of them after the first time you hear them

Which is good, because it would be kind of horrifying to hear him call a person “cum dumpster” more than once, and he only thought up “lady killer” to get on your nerves 

Calls you “handsome” sometimes when he’s trying to be manipulative, but, for the most part, just sticks with your name now because you’re not about the Hockstetter brand of creativity (though “right hand” keeps reappearing no matter how many times you say stop)

Sits next to you whenever you have a class together and gives you hand-jobs under the desk (during movies, lectures, etc.)

Sometimes makes sure you get called on right as you’re about to cum so he can watch you suffer as you try to answer a question mid-orgasm (*cue ultra-satisfied Hockstetter grin*)

Always the top in bed

Always. 

Patrick has never bottomed, and never will, regardless of the guy he’s with - just be aware.

Not even willing to do it once, because, in his mind, it’s your job to moan and writhe around on a dick - not his

I.e. Hockstetter will always be in the power position. Asking him to do anything other than that is pointless, and will earn you nothing but a particularly mean-spirited laugh designed to make you feel stupid for asking 

... And while we’re discussing the power position...

... the day you start a relationship with Patrick is the day you stop being able to sit down comfortably.

Yeah. It’s that good.

Never takes you around the guys, because even though all of them have an unspoken understanding that Patrick is “sexually fluid,” the understanding is unspoken for a reason

Meaning that Henry can only ignore the fact that Patrick is into guys as long as he doesn’t make it obvious

If he does (i.e. by actually bringing you/any of the dudes he’s fucking with around the guys), he’ll be ejected from the gang immediately (because homophobia + tough guy image + general dick behavior) 

This doesn’t come up a lot as a problem though, because you’ve seen the way Henry loses it on gay guys (aka: guys Henry thinks are gay, who are probably not actually gay)

It’s just common sense that, when it comes to the gang, you’re safer at a distance

Patrick accentuates your height difference often by setting his drinks on your head, putting his elbow on your head and leaning on you, etc.

Mostly just because he knows it bugs you, and legit gets a hard-on whenever you start to get mad (hence why you always fuck after fights) 

* Warning - some descriptions of violence ahead *

Because you don’t have a problem confronting people when it suits you (and because Hockstetter is a level-10 dick), you and Patrick get into physical fights often - some of which escalate into pretty extreme territory 

Patrick either actively enjoys himself the entire time you guys go at it (i.e. laughing and provoking you with extra asshole comments), or goes dead serious the moment the first punch gets thrown - no middle ground 

Totally depends on the context of the situation 

Typically starts out fairly even either way (Hockstetter has a height advantage, but he’s a twig, so you have weight on your side) until Patrick does something so batshit crazy there’s no way you could’ve defended yourself against it

To put it bluntly, these are the moments when it feels like Patrick might actually kill you (aka: “maximum peaks of insanity”)

Example: Once, after you’d just forced Patrick off of you (effectively sending him hard into your bedroom wall), he recovered slowly and stood in silence for a few seconds (his back to you)... 

...before reaching for a framed picture off the wall in front of him

He then tossed it once in his hand to get a better grip (so casual, one might’ve thought it was a baseball), swung around with demonic speed, and smashed the picture (glass forward) into the side of your face

* Homeboy used his full strength, and it would take several stitches to fix that bad boy up *

But this, of course, sent you reeling in a burst of blood and glass shards

As you lay squirming on the ground (caught between trying to talk, putting your hands up to your shredded face, and trying to process what had just happened) Patrick just watched you for a bit - almost enamored by the image of you dazed and bloody 

Then, the fight ended the way you and Patrick’s fights always do

Patrick suddenly broke out of his fucked up killer trance, righted himself a little (you’d fucked him up pretty good, and usually do even though he always comes out on top), laughed in his usual Hockstetter way, and offered his hand to help you up

You took it slowly (and a little unsurely - he’d tricked you with this move in the past) and stood up in front of him as best you could - mostly straight, but still letting your body loll a bit to the side 

Patrick watched you trying to focus your gaze on him (literally living for how torn apart you were) before coming out with a single sentence:

”You gotta’ little somethin’ on your face there, hot stuff.”

He then plucked a small shard of glass out of your cheek, flicked it across the room, and sauntered into the bathroom laughing his bony ass off 

Your fights literally always end in some version of this same manner 

i.e. With Patrick taking control for a few seconds, becoming satisfied when he feels he’s successfully alpha-maled you, and laughing it off afterwards as if you guys didn’t just have a full-on brawl

But it’s kind of a two-way street 

Meaning, after you fix yourself up, you typically go back to normal too

The fight gets fought, and then you guys are good - it settles whatever you were originally arguing about 

You have had fights about the same issues multiple times because of this though, so ya’ll could probably benefit from real communication rather than acting on your impulses 

... Especially since you basically get maimed every damn time 

Just sayin’. 

Cue 10/10 sex, and repeat in approximately a month

Definitely a very intense relationship overall - however probably not something a sane person would want for the long-term

That being said though, Patrick would probably keep you around forever if he could, because you’re the first person he’s ever been with who can handle his “tier 2″ level violence (most people can barely stand tier 1)

So, if you’re into the pain/intensity of fighting, the connection might actually work out

... Provided you don’t get murdered during an argument

Which might very well happen, so... have fun living that life 

[space-whalesharks]

I'm torn, because while I always love hearing more about John/Nic/Sharky (and I don't know if you've done this yet for them), there's also Jeremy/Alex...

Answered for the Pack Parents so:

1) who hogs the duvet?  Sharky and Nic, though the former does it by far the most. The other two don’t mind, it’s just an excuse for closer cuddling. 

2) who texts/rings to check how their day is going? John and Nic, but this time John does the most- and makes a show of not being happy if the other two don’t check in.

3) who’s the most creative when it comes to gifts? Nic. She’ll come up with gift ideas on the fly and make something while making sure they’ve got a personal touch, when the other two just make sure the gifts themselves are personal. 

4) who gets up first in the morning? John. The Project made him have many an early morning, so his internal clock takes years to recover, even once Prosperity is established. 

5) who suggests new things in bed? Nic. She’ll always get in the Mood and if she’s feeling adventurous on the side “you know I had a friend who tried ____, you two interested?”- the answer’s always yes. 

6) who cries at movies? They all do to their own degree. John does the least, but Nic usually cries a lot for romcoms, Sharky cries with everything. Fast and Furious 7 ending? Sharky was bawling, Nic wasn’t far behind - John called them out but his voice cracked halfway through poking fun at him, so they were quick to call him a hypocrite. 

7) who gives unprompted massages? John and Nic. John does it because he’s still got it in his head that he has to be touching someone to show affection, Nic does it just ‘cause. 

8) who fusses over the other when they’re sick? Nic’s gotta fuss over her two overdramatic boys aaallll the time when either or both are sick. She’s gotten sick because of it several times. 

9) who gets jealous easiest? John, hands down. Sharky and Nic are his, he came along way to get where they are as a relationship, he’s got two people who love him - the claws will definitely come out of he senses someone else coming along and being too friendly to the other two. He trusts Sharky and Nic completely, it’s everyone else he doesn’t.

10) who has the most embarrassing taste in music? Sharky, though he doesn’t seem to think so. He often points out that John willingly listened to the Project’s themes for all the siblings. 

11) who collects something unusual? No matter how hard John and Nic try to deter him from it, Sharky keeps up the piss bottle collection. They’re just grateful he picks a closet far from them to keep them in. 

12) who takes the longest to get ready? John, then Nic directly after. Pampering themselves/putting a lot of effort into appearance is something they couldn’t entirely train themselves out of, even in the Bunker days. They didn’t have products to use, but they were determined to make something work, albeit water or just elbow grease and brainpower in keeping a nice hairstyle/clothing style, etc. 

13) who is the most tidy and organised? John- again, comes with the territory of being a co-runner of the Project. There was a lot to organize, and it comes in handy in the Bunker and in Prosperity. 

14) who gets most excited about the holidays? Nic. She’ll go all out in decorating- she’s literally gone up on Sharky’s shoulders to throw lights and garland and tinsel everywhere), holiday meals, gifts, the works. Sharky’s not far behind, since he’s still forever a kid with the holiday excitement. John and Nic woke up to see him playing in the snow with Cal, Ariadne and Willa one year at like, 6am. 

15) who is the big spoon/little spoon? John’s usually the biggest spoon, though most of the time Nic’s in the middle and both have their chests facing her. 

16) who gets most competitive when playing games and/or sports? Sharky, though he knows there’s no real... anger/jealousy behind it. He wants a good, healthy competition to have some fun. 

17) who starts the most arguments? John, though it’s self-sabotaging a lot, because while he loves both of them with his whole heart, he’s waiting for the other shoe to drop and having his past catch up with him via karma so they’ll leave him, so he’ll start shit because everything’s too damn good- cue Sharky and Nic knowing exactly what he’s doing and digging their heels in that they’re not going anywhere, they love him, etc etc etc. 

18) who suggests that they buy a pet? Nic, though there’s really no suggesting on her part. She’ll just come home with animals and the boys are expected to go along with it- and they do. 

19) what couple traditions they have? If they ever need to have a deep/emotional/serious conversation (take the end of #17 for example) they’ll go back to Sharky’s bunker because it’s technically where they all started as a unit to make a point. When Prosperity is established, the three of them will go out and get the tree they set up for everyone in Prosperity. 

20) what tv shows they watch together? Not much TV, but they’ll watch all the action/adventure movies Sharky’s into. They’ll occasionally watch crime dramas just to hear John tear them apart from a real lawyer’s POV. 

21) what other couple they hang out with? The Ryes, the Stones, once the Train shows up, Rush/Syd/Roger. 

22) how they spend time together as a couple? In the Bunker, they’d just hang out while doing whatever entertainment methods they could get their hands on - chess, cards, radio time, reading.  When they got out of the bunker, one of their biggest bonding experiences was rebuilding Sharky’s place essentially from ground up and having lots of cuddling time once they were settled.  

23) who made the first move? Nic, since her liquid courage kicked in first and she mentioned inviting Sharky to bed when they were shooting the shit in their room together and splitting a couple of bottles of whiskey. 

24) who brings flowers home? John

25) who is the best cook? Nic, mostly because she doesn’t give the other two a chance to get near a stove/fire. She’s afraid to trust Sharky around fire as well as around a meal, and while she believes John’s probably a good cook, she doesn’t believe John wasn’t the culprit behind the watery mac and cheese, so ‘if he hypothetically screwed that up, what else could he screw up? ‘

[bravadoseries]

All the evens for Audrey and all the odds for Margo!

thank you!  this got super long so i’m putting it under a cut hehe

audrey: 

2. why is your oc problematic?

audrey is problematic because she has no clue what she’s doing when it comes to anything and when it comes to being a hero, she relies almost entirely on trial and error.  

4. what crossovers with other ocs have you talked about?

i have talked about crossovers with you for leila, @emiliachrstine​ with jacqueline, and @notaboutcat​ with grace barnes!!!  

6. if your oc were to have superpowers, what would they be? if your oc has superpowers, what are they?

so audrey has super soldier strength as her primary superpower, and also there’s some other stuff that will be revealed during the thor: tdw arc

8. alright, be honest—whether or not they get the chance to prove it, is your oc worthy?

so i think that audrey does become worthy eventually during endgame, but i think that all the avengers are.  

10. what’s your oc’s fight song? (e.g., immigrant song for thor, just a girl for carol)

girls just wanna have fun!!! i think is the biggest one.  but i have actually picked out songs for the main fights in all of the movies audrey is in: 

avengers battle of new york: “mama talking” by parov stelar

moscow fight against bucky: “bad guy” by billie eilish which i know wasn’t technically released yet but it’s okay

thor: tdw final fight: “big god” by florence and the machine

tws final fight: “seven nation army” by the white stripes

avengers: aou battle of sokovia: “glass & patron” by fka twigs

captain america: civil war airport scene: “bad blood” by taylor swift

angels of mercy final fight: “tomboy” by princess nokia

thor: ragnarok: “the future’s so bright, i gotta wear shades” by timbuk 3 

avengers: iw: “yellow flicker beat” by lorde

avengers: endgame: “girls just wanna have some” by chrormatics and “lights up” by harry styles and “boys wanna be her” by peaches 

12. what was your oc like in high school?

audrey didn’t officially go to high school because she was tutored privately until she started just going to college but she was generally bored with her tutors.  when she went to high school in the 80s, she was jarred.  even though she’d gotten several degrees by that point, she was like freaked out by being with other people and having to have a social life because in college she just didn’t talk to anybody.  so she was nervous and quiet but she did have one good friend!

14. your oc meets thanos. what’s their first move?

omg audrey’s first move is to spit on him, i think, and then she just like attempts to tackle him and scratch his eyes out ngl

16. your oc gets married. which canon characters are in the wedding party?

yesss braudrey wedding time!! natasha is one of her bridesmaids, tony is the officiant, and both steve and darcy walk her down the aisle.  steve and darcy have a young daughter by this point who is a flower girl with morgan, and they’re super cute.  i could talk about the braudrey wedding for so long though i have so many little plans

18. what are your oc’s bad habits or vices?

audrey loves sweets, i think is one of her vices. she also tends to know she’s making bad choices but go through with them anyway. 

20. your oc wears the gauntlet (without any detrimental effects on their health) and gets one snap to wish for anything they want. what do they ask for?

audrey asks to destroy the infinity stones, i think most likely.  she doesn’t want that energy to be condensed into such a powerful form because that’s like a nightmare.  i think it changes from film to film, but by the end, her final wish is for everyone to not be so powerful all the time

22. what does your oc’s bedroom look like?

audrey’s apartment is very minimalist, because it’s easy for her to get overwhelmed.  before she moved into the tower, she was a workaholic because she would get so bored with her freetime that she always had case files everywhere.  once she joins the avengers though and kind of like starts building a life for herself, she starts to settle into her place more and have details that reflect her life more—photos on the walls, little things that she collects from good memories, and a lot of books on the shelves!  audrey likes big windows and keeps them open, but the space is mostly like white with dark blue accents.  

24. which characters from other movies or shows is your oc a combination of?

excellent question!  so audrey reminds me a lot of like the most chaotic combinations of mike schur main ships?  she’s both chidi and eleanor, and both jake and amy.  she’s anxious but also impulsive, awkward but also extremely loving, strong but also scared.  

26. which canon character would they go to for advice? why?

audrey goes to different characters for advice about different things!  with moral problems, she goes to steve.  with fighting advice, she heads to natasha, obviously.  with relationship advice, she heads to darcy.  and later, post aou, audrey actually spends a lot of time with wanda and pietro becoming more politically active.  

28. what’s your oc’s biggest flaw?

audrey is scared of everything! i think is her biggest flaw.  it’s hard for her to overcome that fear.  

30. what movies or shows is your oc featured in?

audrey is in agent carter, she has cameos in iron man 1+2, thor 1, captain marvel, and captain america: tfa.  she’s a main in avengers, thor 2, tws, avengers: aou, captain america: civil war, thor 3, and avengers iw and endgame!

margo: 

1. how did you pick your oc’s name?

margo is short for margaret! i think peggy is kind of an old-fashioned name (technically so is margo) but margo is cute and short too 

3. besides their main ship, who else do you think they would work well with?

i think margo could have a relationship with magnus (thor and jane’s older son) but it probably wouldn’t be super healthy.   also i think she and calliope could have had a cute relationship which coulson would have lost his mind about lol.

5. what’s a crossover with another oc that you’ve wanted to do, but haven’t officially discussed or planned?

i feel like it would be cool to talk about margo with @cassercole​‘s queve family ! i think an audrey and q crossover would just slap in general because i think it would be angsty and cool and i can imagine q being like . i did not sign up to be a stepmother, but thanks, but then the two of them actually becoming friends eventually.  

but anyway, i can imagine bonnie and tristan teasing margo and making them call her aunt and uncle but them all getting along well and hanging out at family reunions and getting into trouble . having a vision of the three of them stealing a blunt or something from tony’s jacket pocket at thanksgiving and then all of them being high and paranoid about getting caught by steve. 

q catches them and margo is like please don’t be mad and please don’t tell my mom and q just rolls her eyes and closes the door to the room they’re all in after telling them dinner’s in 10 minutes, and she won’t tell but it’s up to them not to get caught.  

7. rank their compatibility with the marvel teams: avengers, guardians of the galaxy, agents of shield, defenders, runaways

okay so: 1) avengers, because they’re her family.  2) gotg, because she thinks they’re all super weird and cool.  3) runaways, because i think she’s scrappy and has a similar sheltered background to them.  4) aos, just because found family time.  5) defenders.  super brutal and she’s just like ummmm i am scared . 

9. which other mcu characters would your oc really get along with?

i think gamora and margo would get along super well.  also margo’s close with carol because she likes how she’s not too serious about herself as a hero.  i think she’s also probably gets along well with wanda and pietro.  she’s super close with her dad, also.  

11. post a snippet of the next chapter of an oc’s fic!

okay to be honest i have not written any of margo’s fic yet so i will have to pass 

13. what’s a secret about your oc that they would never admit? feel free to be as angsty or as silly as you’d like!

margo would never admit it but she has a slight schoolgirl crush on thor, who is one of the strength instructors slash english teachers at the academy.  

15. if your oc has a costume/were to have a costume, what does it/would it look like? what colors? cape or no cape?

no cape, but sometimes she ties a towel around her neck and dances in her dorm room.  margo’s costume would probably look a lot like helena bertinelli’s costume on arrow—very classic, infinity mask, etc. 

17. after a battle, how does your oc recover?

she cries into her pillow for several hours and enters a period if intense self loathing and eats ice cream.  

19. what were some other faceclaims you considered for your oc?

when audrey was shipped with pietro, margo was played by josefine frida petersen!

21. if your oc survived the snap, who do they miss the most?

in an au where audrey has margo before infinity war and the snap, margo would be devastated to grow up without her mother

23. what’s their love language? what’s the love language of the character they’re shipped with?

i think margo’s is words of affirmation, and leo’s is quality time! 

25. which characters annoy your oc? why?

margo gets annoyed with her mom, a lot.  audrey and bex are really close and so she feels left out of that relationship.  i also think that margo doesn’t get along super well with pepper because she thinks pepper doesn’t like her.  she doesn’t like peter quill that much, even though she likes the rest of the guardians.  and she never meets loki, but i think she would absolutely hate him.  

27. what’s your oc’s biggest strength?

i think her biggest strength is her big heart!  she feels a lot and she’s kind of intense but she’s a very loving person.  

29. team cap, team iron man, team i don’t care, or team please stop fighting?

team please stop fighting!! she’s like why is my life an episode of family feud . i know she doesn’t exist then but she looks back on it and brings it up sometimes and they’re both deeply embarrassed about it in hindsight and also like . okay BUT and she’s like okay nevermind!!!!

[sodasyrup]

I love,,,,, domestic lava au... You should do more of it. I'd love to know more about reka and monty too!

BWAAA...

Okay as I said it’s an au with kittie (6kuro) so I’m gonna grab the things it said and I said lmao

warning its a LONG disjointed post bc im too tired to make. a good post fdhghdf

lovelypeaches08/28/2019cole and kai would settle down real late like....in their late thirties because they want to keep their children as safe as possible, being elemental masters and having enemies and all

at first wu wants them to fight longer and shit but hes OLD so who cares and theres probably conflict on thatbut kai and cole are old enough to realized they dont have to be controlled

so they get married, symbolically if anything, because they've been dating for probably a little over a decade now and known each other even longer, AND been living together for the same amount of time

theyre the first of the ninja to settle down, and they buy a small house in a village thats maybe an hour away from ninjago city

the tininess of the house is made up for by the largeness of the yard, where cole likes to garden, especially fruits and vegetables

cole works as a stay at home free lance artist, doing stuff like commissions, book covers, comics, etc for moneykai does something that puts his charisma to use, probably something in business that lets him advertise and talk a lot..he could never settle down for a stay at home job or anything, even with all his thrilling ninja stories

they have enough money from donations and awards to thrive off these jobs, and ninjago probably pays them kind of like retirement

cole cooks for kai so he always has a meal ready when hes home, so then kai cooks on the weekend

anyways, they have two kids, about 3 years aparti haven't figured them much out yet, but kai and cole cook and bake with themcoles parenting style is very protective and rather spoils them, while kai lets them do whatever as long as its not immediately dangerousthey balance each other out well, so their kids grow up loved and well rounded

lovelypeaches08/28/2019coles always buying them sweets and treats and Kai pretends to be annoyed but thinks its really cute

the kids go to a small school on the outskirts of ninjago city, and get asked about their parents a LOT. they kind of like the attention but it gets irritating

moving on to the other ninja who also start to settle down,jay doesnt really want kids, so he passes on his powers with ~science~ or something, but only when hes a lot olderhe does engineering at borg industries or something, and he messes around a lot but gets away with it bc hes the blue ninjahes like kai and coles kids Fun Uncle, since he lives in a big apartment in downtown ninjago city, with a bunch of cool techkai and coles family often take elongated road trips therejay thinks hes a cool relative but besides being super lenient hea actually kind of embarrassing lol

nya settles down a bit later than the rest of them, because she wants to live her ninja days to the fullesti could go on about my domestic samurai au but her and pixal have a kid who gets nyas water powersnya is much more eager to train her kid than cole and Kai are (they want to start properly training thwir children when theyre like 16, much to wus disappointment)nya doesn't force anyrhing on her kid but she doesnt protect her kid from the fact they'll have to train sooner or latershes determined on still changing the world, so she's a strong political leader, with innovative ideas who doesnt approve of ninjagos government and wants to change it for the betterShe also lives in downtown, but isn't as fun as jayher kid is younger than kai and coles, but kai and coles kids look up to them because they're very independent and skilled! their mom is also super cool, but not in a silly way. she rocks leather jackets and drives her kid around on a motorcycle

lovelypeaches08/28/2019zane is tricky for me...i like to imagine him sticking with lloyd to being a ninja or whatever, since hes going to be alive a lonnggg timehe also wants to respect wus wishes, so he teaches students and fights alongside lloydhe does so much less however, and finds a lot of time to visit his friends

kai and coles kids are shy around him at first, him being a nindroid whose still a ninja, but hes so much nicer and softer than expectedhe always brings them presenrs and enjoys quality time with them, so he's basically their favorite uncle

now lloyd continues his master training, to become the next master after wu dies. hed be the one to guide the next generation of elemental masters as well as their parents in training thembut don't worry, he gets a break too, since the other ninja help him out. hes much less burdened then wu was in the later years of his lifeok thats all i think

My commentary now

little boy whos like 3 and super wide eyed and excited and loves pink (when he foudn out zane at one point had a pink gi he asked if he could get one too)older girl around 6 whos a big daddys girl and loves to garden with cole and make mud piez

the little girl is the fire em - she had temper issues linked to autismz which they worked through her with early and never thought of it but she has a big passion for gardening they mistook for elemental connection when rly she just LUVS IT

little boy is em of earth - hes a natural born leader and stubborn, wide eyed and excitable. again bc they worked w both their kids about their tempers and such they never realized he was just naturally good at keeping his composure. also a lot like jay keeping morals upnaturally strong but both their kids are and i hc the super strength doesnt come in until peubertyz

shes a bit of a late bloomer with em powers but one day their little boy accidentally makes a pot hole inside the kitchen bc he was excited over zane cookingthey took too good of care of their kids and his true potential was simple bc he was a litol kid which was im going to live my best fcuking life with friends and family *rips a hole in the ground

kai and cole are the gross sappy parents that trade kisses n their kids are like thats DISGUSTING youre DISGUSTINGLY IN LOVE

Kittie pointslovelypeaches08/28/2019YEAYEYAYAYYEYAYAYEoh god the little boy is part scenecorelikenot full on scene but like punk y2kwhich is a part of scenealso at first cole and kai are super concerned being a ninja will be as mentally damaging and ack as it was for them at times, but lloyd and zane are genuinely good mastersbutnot to get sadbutwhen tragedy does happen somehow, since neither Lloyd nor zane can ease that, cole and kai are so good at helping their kids e thatthey help them recover from it without downplaying their kids concerns and feelings amd give good advice and loveand make being elemental masters a lot easier for their kids than it ever was for them

me again.....

they always get so fucking scared thokai custom makes weapons for themarmor too he spends hours upon hours making sure its perfect and even prays over them to keep their kids safe

anyway when kai n cole visit w them (idk if theyr just adopted at their current age or like.... adopted as babies or surrogate or?? idk but) they visit lloyd and kai softly says "Look! its uncle lloyd" and lloyd starts SOBBING hes just fucking bawlinghis eyes out and when kai offers to for lloyd to hold him lloyds just like are you suure arre eyyuuu thherye so smsmm all kaiii are yoruur suureee thheyrey babbeises

nya is hesitant but ends up being a really good aunt, i meanshe took care of kai /j

zane is a fav uncle and hes always making sweets for them jay is. also sorta a fav bc where zane comes jay follows and jay has a sweet tooth and also makes Cool Toys + hey wanna prank your dadsalso im dramatic and likekai and cole sitting down and having a convo about master wubc he was sorta a shitty mentor and they really REALLY dont want their kids going through any self confident issues nor over stressing bc theyr KDISeventually kai and cole talk to master wu and actually has wu face his terrible practice towards kids and wu accepting he was.............................a bad 'parent' in a senseblebleblelelelelelellekai works but cole absolutely watches over any training when wu is there at first but lloyd is the master now and lloyd is like..........................i dont want kids to go through what i went through kai is like i trust you but also i will murder every single one of you in this dojo if you ever hurt my little girlim doing what i do and taking an au and running im sorry ghdghdfhJACK RAMBLES....their son refuses to wear shoes he lieks dirt on his feet they never really think much of it but its actually really comforting for him to feel the earth under his feet and feel stablethey think its just a stim thing maybe? theyr unsurebut! turns out him Element(also a fear of heights)lloyd tries to be a serious master but hes a big ol goof and can easily be manipulated

ironically.......its the lil boy who often is like HEY!!!!!!!!!!! WE GOTTA TRAIN!

kai and cole agree not to tell anyone what theyre thinking of naming their little boy until he arrives so when the day comes kais holding this tiny little boy and holds him out gentlyand lloyd is already EMOTIONAL because this is a BABY and lloyd softly asks his name n cole cuts in like "hes named after a really brave dude, montgomery. but we're thinking monty as a nickname"lloyd, choking up:(hc garmadons first name is montgomery)

the girl is Reka which means sweet in maori (a personal headcanon for cole) and shes their sweetheart

lovelypeaches09/04/2019bhrnrng this is in domestic au but col and kai teachign their kids instrumentscole and reka wud play piano duets togetherand monty doesnt like instruments much but he likes to singlike a LOT he belts out a song for everythinghe just lieks his own voice

burdletutt09/04/2019HNGGG HFHMONTY LOVS BEING LOUD

lovelypeaches09/04/2019YEAAAHhes like the type who makes a song for everythingmonty voice we rr goinggg to the parkkkkk and the grass isss.........GREEENNNNNNN and there are LOOK THERE ARE SQUIRRRELSSSS and a playground and the skyyyyy isssssssssssss...*deep inhale* BLUEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE1E!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!kai and cole: you are literally so talented

jay tries really hard to be the Cool Uncle at firstbut Monty just :^TReka gives him an awkward chucklewhen jay stops being Cool ™ hes goofy and thats when they start giggling and liking him more

[ellymunro-blog]

Hello everybody! The name’s Cat (or Speedy... I answer to both). I’m 25, cisfemale, and from the EST timezone. I’ve recently just started a new job; and I’m also still recovering from a surgery I had last month. So I will apologize in advance if my activity isn’t the greatest. I promise it’ll pick up once my life becomes less hectic...

Anyway, I bring to you my little weirdo Ellis “Elly” Munro. She’s a modified version of a character I’ve played in a few groups before; so I’m interested in seeing how Crownsville Elly turns out. This RP honestly looks so great; and I can’t wait to start plotting with y’all! 

[ willa holland, twenty-three, cisfemale, she/her ]  — hey, I just saw [ ellis “elly” munro ] walking down the streets of crownsville. they’ve lived in town for [ two years ], and you can catch them around town working as a [sales associate at shazam comics ]. I hear they’re known to be [ loyal & determined ] and [ stubborn & cynical ]. if asked, they would say their aesthetic would be [ sushi rolls, piles of comic books, extra large cups of coffee, movie theatres, bruised knuckles, hospital bracelets ].

Backstory (trigger warning: mentions of chronic illness)

Ellis Amalia-Rose Munro, more commonly known as Elly, was born and raised in Los Angeles (Hollywood), California to an up-and-coming thriller screenwriter/director and his trophy wife. She was their second child, having a brother roughly thirteen years older.

Growing up, her family was well-off due to her father’s success with many of his films. He was, by no means, a household name as far as filmmakers went; but for fans of thrillers, most knew at least a good handful of his work (think of him like Shyamalan only not quite as popular).

She actually had a tendency to have a small role in every single one of her father’s films. This continued up until she moved away for college.

At the age of 3, she was diagnosed with cystic fibrosis. She had faced multiple lung infections as well as poor weight gain for her first few years of life, thus leading to the diagnosis.

Her CF has always been well managed. It’s not something she ever let get in her way. She was always the very rambunctious and active child, just sometimes needing to take more breaks than others.

She was also a child model from the ages of 7-11. An agent had seen her in one of her father’s films and reached out. She was compliant for a few years; but modeling just was never really her thing.

Her mother is from Chelsea, London; and she grew up visiting her grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins there every summer. London is one of her favorite places to go; and she’s quite proud of her British heritage.

At a young age, she was introduced to the world of comics and superheroes; and she was hooked from the start. She used to pretend she was a superhero, running around her house dressed like her favorites and wishing she had superpowers.

Due to her love of comics and superheroes, her parents thought it would be a good idea to get her involved in activities that would allow her to “train to be a superhero”. They signed her up for martial arts (she’s now a 4x blackbelt) and gymnastics. This way, she could use her imagination and stay in shape.

As the years went on, fencing and archery were added to Elly’s list of activities. And as soon as she learned what it was, she took up parkour as well. And out of everything she’s done, parkour has forever been her favorite.

She was actually once scouted for the Olympic archery team; and her coach kept encouraging her to train for a goal of the Olympics. But she never had any interest. To her, archery was just a hobby and nothing more.

After high school, she decided to go across the country for college; and wanting to stay in an area with warmer weather (she hates the cold/snow), she decided on attending the University of Miami as a psychology major.

While attending the University of Miami, she initially had no desire to end up on Greek Row. But she ultimately ended up pledging for and joining a sorority (Chi Omega) during her time at the college. 

Loving the east coast, she figured she’d want to stay in Miami or go elsewhere in Florida upon graduation (or not as she only finished three years of school); but she somehow ended up settling in the small town of Crownsville, Georgia. She’d gone home over the holidays with a friend who lived there; and she just felt drawn to the town.

That was a little over two years ago. Elly’s been in Crownsville pretty much ever since. She’s started making a life for herself here. She’s gotten a job working as a sales associate at Shazam Comics; and she’s also gotten herself a little apartment downtown. And while she often does miss California and her family, she’s started to become really happy in small town Georgia.

When it comes to her CF, she’s always been one to not feel the need to hide it. She’s been like this since she was little; and even now, she doesn’t feel the need to hide. It’s not something she tells everything; but she’s okay with people knowing she’s sick.

Another important thing about Elly is the fact she’s training to hopefully make it on to American Ninja Warrior. She fell in love with the show when she first saw it several years back; and given her hobbies, she’s always felt like she was a good candidate. She has yet to try out; but her plan is to try out this upcoming season.

Recently, however, her health has started to decline. Her lung function is now in the yellow; and it’s really scared her. She’s started to wonder if she should give up on her American Ninja Warrior dream in favor of her health. Her fall back plan is to open her own archery school or maybe get back into acting.

Likes: comic books, superheroes, coffee, sushi, movies, parkour, archery, katanas, tattoos, cosplaying, video games, flannel, hoodies, beanies, combat boots, avocados, star wars, workouts, roses, kingdom hearts, stitch, stuffed animals, british sweets, funkos, motorcycles, skateboarding, jolly ranchers, american ninja warrior, bdsm

Dislikes: hospitals, swimming, cold weather, snow/ice, kale, cats, needles, alcohol, energy drinks, high heels

Misc. Facts

Her parents almost named her Ellis Isla; but they opted not to due to the fact it sounded too close to Ellis Island.

She has 4 blackbelts (karate, taekwondo, jiujitsu, krav maga); so don’t piss her off.

She can swim; but she’s honestly not a fan of water. Despite growing up in California, she doesn’t like the ocean.

She doesn’t like the taste of alcohol; so she doesn’t drink. If you ever see her drinking, she’s probably in a really bad place.

She can do a spot-on impression of Aqua from Kingdom Hearts and a pretty decent impression of Stitch. 

She loves stuffed animals. Her bed is covered in them. Her favorites are Batbear, Stitch, Toad, and a sushi roll with a face. Batbear is like her security blanket.

She does have her driver’s license; but she doesn’t have a car in Crownsville. She has her red Ducati; but Uber is still her preferred mode of transportation. 

She was born a month and a half prematurely. Her due date was February 14th. 

Because of her CF, she has a feeding tube (g-tube) that’s normally hidden under her clothing. She also does several daily treatments (nebulizers, vibrating vest) to combat her symptoms as well as takes pancreatic enzymes before each meal.

She wears a medical ID bracelet that states she has CF and that she’s allergic to latex, penicillin, and prednisone. It’s not noticeable as an ID bracelet unless one really looks at it.

She has saved two people from getting hit by cars by pushing them out of the way and taking their place. The first time, she was 15. The second time, she was 23.

[trigger warning] She is actually unable to have children of her own; but she doesn’t actually know this yet. could be potential plot-line if anyone is ever interested

Wanted Connections

Older Brother  —  This is pretty self explanatory. Elly has an older brother; and this connection is for him. I picture him being roughly ten years older than she is (give or take a few years) and being in Crownsville for reasons UTP. His faceclaim and name are also UTP (though I gotta admit my bias towards Stephen Amell or Colin Donnell FCs). OPEN (0/1)

Father  — Elly’s father is a thriller screenwriter and director by the name of Chandler Munro. I think it might be cool if he showed up in Crownsville for whatever reason. He could be filming a movie in the small town or just coming to catch up with his children. I would like his FC to be John Barrowman; though I am open to discuss others. OPEN (0/1)

Extended Family  — Maybe for some reason, one of Elly’s extended family members (most likely a cousin from England) comes to visit her in Crownsville and ends up staying for awhile. OPEN (0/?)

College Friend  — This connection is for the friend with whom Elly went home for the holidays with one year while attending the University of Miami. This friend lived in Crownsville and is part of the reason Elly lives there now. Everything about this friend is UTP: name, age, gender, faceclaim, etc. I’m not picky; though I would love for them to have stayed friends. TAKEN (1/1)

Childhood Friends  — This is for any friends of Elly’s from back when she lived in Los Angeles. She could’ve known them back in elementary, middle, or high school. They could’ve lost touch and then met up again in Crownsville or stayed friends since they first met. OPEN (0/?)

Roommate — Upon first coming to Crownsville, Elly got herself a decent sized apartment downtown. I would love for her to have a roommate she shares this apartment (and its rent) with. TAKEN (1/1)

Ex-Roommate  — This was a previous roommate of Elly’s. This individual stopped being her roommate for reasons open to discussion. OPEN (0/2)

Ride or Die  — Give me a ride or die bestie for Elly please. I have no preference for gender, age, how they met... Everything would be discussed upon inquiry. I just want her to have that one person she’d do anything for. OPEN (1/2)

Nurse Friend(s)  — Elly is kind of a wild one. With her hobbies and desire to be on American Ninja Warrior, she has quite the tendency to get injured. She could definitely use some friends with medical training to help her out from time to time. OPEN (1/?)

Doctors  — Since Elly has CF, she does spend a good amount of time at doctors offices. This connection would be for any of the doctors who treat her; though I mostly would love to see her pulmonologist. OPEN (0/?)·         

Red Band Society  — This is for anyone else dealing with any type of medical condition. Elly and these individuals have formed a sort of support system for one another. OPEN (1/?)

Ex-Boyfriend(s)  — Again, this is super self explanatory. Elly and this guy (or guys if I decide to make her have more than one ex) used to date. And now they’re not. Why they broke up and all the details of their relationship would be discussed upon inquiry. They could either be total enemies now or still be cordial. OPEN (0/3)

Friends With Benefits — I feel like most of my wanted connections are self explanatory. This is your standard friends with benefits connection and plotline. It could have the potential to turn into something or just stay FWB. OPEN (1/2)

Straight Until Prove Bi  — As of now, Elly identifies as straight; but I am not against her having an experience with another girl. OPEN (0/1)

Future Love Interest  — Self explanatory. At some point in the future, Elly is gonna end up in another relationship. This is mostly open to males; but I would not object to a female if the chemistry was there. OPEN (0/1)

Workout/Sparring Buddies — Elly spends a lot of her free time working out; and it’d be great for her to have someone she can work out with. Whether it be at the gym, while kickboxing, or even while doing parkour, a friend can make a workout so much less boring and routine. OPEN (0/?)

Stylist  — Elly has been very much a tomboy since she was small. This connection would be for the individual in Crownsville who attempts to give her a makeover and make her more “girly”. TAKEN (1/1)

Tattoo Artist  — Elly loves tattoos and is working on obtaining quite the collection. This individual is the one who has done most of hers and is the one she’d go back to when she’s ready to get her next tattoo. OPEN (0/2)

Fans of Chandler Munro — Like stated in her little backstory, Elly’s father (Chandler Munro) is a thriller movie director and screenwriter. I’d like if there was someone who was a big fan of her father’s films and tried to use Elly to get autographs, spoilers of upcoming movies, a small role in an upcoming movie, etc. OPEN (0/?)

General Friends, Frienemies, Co-Workers, Neighbors, etc. 

More to come...

click here for Elly’s stats page

[blackcoffeeandblankpagess]

A lot of stuff

Hellooooo internet it’s been a hot minute and I haven’t been on here too much so here are some things

Tumblr

Lately I’ve been taking some space from this space (hah) and honestly...it made me realize how harmful this website can be to my mental health, I’ve made some amazing real word friends on here but (especially being injured and unable to run) logging on to see people posting about their long runs and food and etc. etc. can easily lead to comparison and feeling like shit. And believe me I know that I post about all of those things too and it’s nothing personal against any one person because most of my friends post about those things but not seeing what other people are up to is so damn freeing

With that being said idk what my next move is, I love the process of editing photos and connecting with people and having a little visual log of my days on here and I think once I’m back to being on my own so to speak in Aville this summer I may be more inspired to post but right now surrounded by family and real world stuff idk it just hasn’t felt right

ALSO taking a step back has made me realize how much my head has been in the deep tumblr world hole and how the general public does not go for 2390209 mile runs and eat endless vegetables on the daily and don’t get me wrong I love those things but I think I needed a breath of fresh air to realize there is more to life than just those things

Recovery

Since being home I feel like I’m making strides, for so long I was in a place of severe restriction, then it was an all or nothing attitude, then it was veganism which (for ME) was in some ways restrictive as well and I feel like I’m now in this phase where I’m like holy shit...I can eat what I want and not feel like it’s out of control, feel satisfied, and move on with my day. Normal people what??? I’m in no way “recovered” but I am moving in a good direction

I’ve been working on listening to my body, saying yes to going out if it means socializing, eating dinner later because then I can eat with my family, eating what my family is eating rather than my own specific meal (tonight my mama and I are making dinner together holla) etc. etc.

THE PEOPLE YOU ARE WITH AND THE CONVERSATIONS YOU HAVE AND THE MEMORIES YOU MAKE ARE LITERALLY SIX BAJILLION TIMES MORE IMPORTANT THAN THE FOOD

Also realized that I feel soooooo much better when social and busy, I spent almost every night last semester eating dinner alone at my desk in my room. Since being home I’ve made an effort to always eat with family, or sit outside, or bring my food over to my neighbor’s house if my fam isn’t home. It has made a huuuuge difference.

Feeling like there’s so much more to life and I’m sick of this shit and it isn’t going to stop unless I take the action necessary to get there

Running

It’s been almost a month and a half since I last went for a run and that sucks, a whole lot, and as eager as I am to get back to it, I’m finally settling into a rythym of what I’ve gotta do until running returns

The bike and the pool and the weights and and and are in no way the same as running but they are something and running is going to come back

My PT is great, I’ve been going 3x a week and this week we are likely going to give a bit of running a shot, my foot is not 100% but it’s feeling the best it has since this all started and we’re definitely moving in the right direction

Also, the fact that I’m making such strides with food when running isn’t even in the picture is huge and I can’t wait to see how much more I can accomplish when I am running again and have that extra mental health boost

Random

My mom got engaged!! that’s a lot to unpack but she’s happy and I’m happy for her and I get to be her maid of honor and go on a beach vacation next spring for the wedding so THAT is cool

I made travel plans to visit a friend from my trip to Asia last summer this fall in Miami (where she goes to school) and I can’t wait to see her and spend my fall break somewhere warm

Made theoretical plans with another friend from that trip to go camping in NC this summer (she goes to school in VA) and I’m hyped

Spent a long time the other night talking to my mom about my post undergrad plans and I’m legitimately considering backpacking around southeast asia (we’ll see) but she said she would come with for the first two weeks and I want to show her where I traveled last summer so badly because it has such a piece of my heart and ahhhhh

I’ve been making an effort to just fricken be nicer, I can often get really pissy when I’m at home (shoutout to bad memories here from highschool and lots of anxiety) and pretty much be kind of an asshole unnecessarily if we’re being honest. I’ve been trying to do little things- hold back sarcastic comments, help my mom plant flowers, offer her boyfriend a bite of icecream I got that he might like, etc. I think all of us are feeling a lot better because of it

Well that’s a heck of a lot of stuff. Hope y’all are doing well and thanks for reading if ya took the time 💛

[lizwontcry]

Hi. I just wanted to share something I started writing this summer and then ran out of steam to finish. I watched 13 seasons of Greys twice in a row; for about 4 or 5 months it was literally the only thing I watched. I enjoyed the usual shippyness--Cristina and Owen, Meredith and Derek, etc., but the OTP I walked away with was Alex and Meredith. So here is a thing I wrote. It has a beginning and an end but not exactly a middle. Rock on.

Somewhere between the newly instituted Waffle Sundays and living together and working together and barely breathing in the same air without each other, things change. It is, after all, practically inevitable.

The change doesn’t happen all at once, or even in an obvious way. It's just, every now and then, Meredith will look up from helping Ellis cut her waffle into little pieces and Alex is braiding Zola's hair and telling her a story about the little boy who refused to let go of the Storm Trooper action figure Alex gave him while he recovered from his appendix surgery. Zola is laughing and looking at Alex adoringly, probably the same way Meredith is gazing at him if she were to see herself in the mirror at that moment.

As for Alex, he also tried to deny it for a long time. But there comes a time in everyone’s life when they must admit that their feelings are not just about the friendship they've carefully constructed over the years. There was one night in particular where Meredith came home completely exhausted but supremely satisfied. She had completed a long, difficult procedure that was not expected to go well, but as usual, she rocked it. Meredith had this look in her eyes like she could do anything, and Alex realized he kind of loved that about her. Her confidence; her readiness to take on the world. He digs it.

Most of the time they stick to their own respective bedrooms, but when they do fall asleep together, Alex is mostly amused by her snoring--he can't help it; she's adorable. And sometimes, Meredith wakes up and studies Alex's profile, and she can't shake the thought that there's an attractive--okay, hot--man in her bed. Or that she's in a hot man's bed. She tries to ignore the always-gnawing guilt—Derek’s gone. She’s not cheating on him. Plus, he’d want her to be with someone who always had her back—right? He liked Alex well enough. Her rationalizations got out of hand from time to time.

Of course, the sun rises and they wake up way too early for most normal humans and take on the day and the night has been forgotten. But every now and then, it's not forgotten. And they both remember.

_____________

Meredith is knitting. She's not knitting well, or even paying particularly close attention to what she's doing, but she's knitting. She tries to recall what Izzie taught her about it back when they did stuff like that together. Why is she knitting? That's actually a good question.

The front door opens, and a spectacularly tired Alex drags himself inside the house. He nods at Meredith, and puts his bag and keys on the kitchen table, although Meredith always tells him how she'd rather he place his belongings anywhere other than that location.

"What's with you? You look like you're about to pass out."

Alex falls down on the couch next to Meredith. "Long day. Totally routine inguinal hernia repair, with too many complications. Almost lost a 7-year-old girl. But she pulled through."

Meredith nods, and Alex snorts. "What are you, 80? It's a Friday night and you're knitting, Mer. What the hell?"

"Yes, I am knitting. Maggie took the kids to play miniature golf, and Amelia was supposed to come over to watch Rosemary's Baby with me, but Owen's mom is having a little dinner party for Megan, so... that's where everyone is. And I am here. Knitting."

Alex not-so-gently takes all the knitting out of Meredith's hands and throws it on the coffee table.

"Hey! I was... doing that."

"Well, now you're not. You're feeling bummed about Riggs and I get that. But now it's time to stop being an old lady and go outside.”

Meredith sighs. "I'm not that bummed, Alex. You know I’m not. He's a good guy. It would have been interesting. But the long lost love of his life is back, so good for him. It's better this way, really. I'm fine on my own. I'm a mother! I have three children. They are my priority."

"Okay, but have you considered that everything you just said is a pile of crap?"

Meredith punches Alex's arm. He feigns pain.

"It is, though," he continue. "You're a great mom, everyone knows that. But there is no substitute for companionship. For love. For sex.”

"Are you seriously lecturing me on companionship? On love? Look at you. Jo—

Alex interrupts. "Jo and DeLuca are ducking into empty hallways when they think we aren't looking and making dumb faces at each other even when they think we are. She's moved on. Whatever."

"Have you?"

"I guess. I don't want her back anymore, at least--I get that I really messed this relationship up. The rest of the chicks, yeah, I played a part but they were all nuts. This time, I went nuts."

"Well... at least you haven't peed on my couch yet."

Alex shakes his head. Meredith is never going to let that one go.

"Anyway. Get up. Go change. We're going out."

"Where? And why do I have to change? I'm perfectly fine with my knitting, thank you."

"Screw the knitting. Wear something hot; we're going to get you laid tonight."

Meredith opens her mouth to protest, but Alex has that look on his face. The one where Meredith already understands that she can argue about this with him for as long as she wants, but his stubborn ass is not going to give in. So she sighs again and begrudgingly gets off the comfortable couch.

10 minutes later, she comes out in a dress she hasn't worn in years and does a little spin for Alex. He whistles appreciatively, and she curtsies, laughing. Alex has changed into some nicer jeans and a button down shirt. Even though he looked like he was going to pass out on the kitchen floor when he first came home, he now looks reinvigorated.

"Where should we go? Joe's?"

Meredith hopes Alex is kidding. "You want me to find someone to have sex with at the bar where I met my dead husband for the first time?"

Alex frowns. "Bad idea, huh?"

"Come on, we look hot, let's go somewhere nice. Like adults. I'll even let you pay for dinner."

“Oh, how generous,” Alex says, pretending to be annoyed.

In the car, Meredith throws a bag of Cheerios, an iPad, and a coloring book into the back seat so Alex can sit in the front. They happily chat about the hospital, the weather, the kids--carefully avoiding the subject of Riggs and Jo and anything and anyone that has to do with Riggs and Jo.

They decide to go to the Metropolitan Grill. Neither of them eat a lot of red meat, but they’re both craving steak. Once seated, Alex orders a beer and Meredith gets herself a glass of Chardonnay.

“Wine tonight?” Alex asks as Meredith takes a sip.

“Yeah. I can be classy, you know.”

Alex chuckles. “Yeah, you can. But I’ve also seen you gulp a beer faster than any man I know, including myself.”

Meredith nods in agreement. “I can drink a beer with the rest of ‘em, for sure. But I prefer to get drunk on a classier substance these days.”

“It looks good on you,” Alex says. “But I gotta say, it’s pretty hot to see you destroy a dozen beers in a row.”

Meredith feels herself blushing. Why? Alex has admitted similar things dozens of times. She knows he thinks she’s attractive. So what? He’s good looking, too. That’s an obvious fact of their relationship. So why does her face feel like it’s burning? Must be the wine.

They order a ton of food and spend the balmy, rainy evening laughing, drinking, and eating. The whole reason why they went out--to get Meredith laid--seems to be forgotten, as Alex doesn’t leave her side the entire night. After a luxurious and decadent dessert of chocolate mousse, they argued over the bill (eventually Alex gave in and let Meredith pay it), and Alex led her out with his hand on the small of her back. As soon as his hand made contact, Meredith had to fight back a small gasp. It wasn’t that Derek used to do that--he preferred to hold her hand instead--but it was just so… intimate. Like they had already been married for 10 years or something. It was bizarre. It was nice. It was confusing.

“Let’s go somewhere else,” Alex says. “I’m not ready to go home yet.”

“Me, either, actually,” Meredith says. “Where should we go?”

They debated going to a late movie, to act like tourists at the Space Needle, to go for a long drive, but eventually settled on a small, dimly lit bookstore that Meredith’s mom used to take her to as a kid.

“I can’t believe this place is still here,” Meredith says when they arrive. She’s looking through the medical books, most of which were probably the same ones her mother sorted through decades ago.

(This is where I unfortunately ran out of steam for the middle...just imagine them looking at books together and feeling like they know each other better than anyone else knows them)

When they finally get home, they have to be quiet since Maggie and the kids are asleep. They crash on the living room couch, which is where the whole night started. Meredith looks at her abandoned knitting on the table. This night is ending way different than how it started. Funny how that happens sometimes.

“Want a beer?” Meredith whispers.

“Nah, I think I’ve had enough for tonight,” Alex whispers back, and there’s really nothing left to say now. They are sitting way too close to each other. Meredith puts her head on his shoulder, and he sighs in a way that makes Meredith realize something needs to happen, and probably soon. But what about… well, what about everything?

Meredith decides that she will be the one to address this. For once in her life, she will put it out there. No more secrets. Plus, she’s still feeling confident; she feels sexy in her nice dress and can still feel the warmth from the wine she drank earlier.

“You’re my person,” she blurts out. Alex looks at her… not strangely, because he knows exactly what she’s saying, but with a curious intrigue.

“Cristina’s your person,” Alex says softly.

“Yes, she is, but you’re my person. Not the person who lives in another country that I get to talk to for a few hours a week. The person who lives in my house, who helps with my children, who I work side by side with on a daily basis. You’re my person, Alex!”

Alex nods. “That doesn’t mean I can’t be more than your person. You’re not imagining this, Mer. I feel it, too. And we can ignore it forever, but eventually it’s going to catch up with us. Hell, it has caught up with us. It’s here.”

They are really talking about this. All these years, everything that’s happened, disappearing wives with cancer, dead husbands who end up at crappy hospitals, the highs and lows of life. They’ve been through it all. Maybe they can do this?

“But we know what’s going to happen already! We’ll get closer, it’ll be great, and then one of us will get freaked out by something and it’ll trigger our dark places. You’ll back off and move out and maybe get another job with Dr. Butthole just so you don’t have to be near me. Or I’ll start thinking about husband ghosts and how I need someone the kids can depend on and I’ll become cold and distant until we inevitably have some kind of disastrous break up where we never speak to each other again. And Alex, I can’t afford that. I can’t afford you not being in my life. I can’t--”

“Don’t be dumb, Mer. I’ll never work for Dr. Butthole again, that you can depend on.”

Meredith chuckles and hits him. Alex grabs her hand, and the warmth and comfort of it calms her down a little.

“You’re right. Those things can and may happen. But we’re older now. Our friendship can withstand this. Maybe… maybe we owe it to ourselves to try.”

Meredith looks into Alex’s earnest eyes and knows he’s right. She never thought about ending up with Alex, out of all people, but maybe this is what their terrible romantic disasters have been leading to. Maybe they had to go through all of that to come to this moment. Of course, Meredith has to think to herself, if Derek was still alive, she would be with him forever. But he’s not, and Alex is one of the brightest lights in her sometimes dim existence. He loves her kids, and they love him. They have all these shared experiences that have brought them as close as two human beings can be, practically. Maybe it is time.

Alex leans over while Meredith is deep into this existential crisis and gives her a small kiss. It’s an introductory kiss and it’s not everything Meredith has ever dreamed of or whatever, but it’s good. So good it makes the butterflies in her stomach start flying through the rest of her body.

It’s definitely time to try.

Alex pulls away and looks intently at her. Meredith lets every single emotion she’s feeling sink into her brain, and then leans in to kiss him again. This time it’s the kind of kiss they make movies about; the kind of kiss poets and writers have been describing in literature for thousands of years. It’s good, so good. And it’s even better with Alex’s hands in her hair and her hands pulling at his shirt and both of them needing each other in a way they’ve never been able to comprehend.

“Hey… if we don’t stop, things are going to get way too pornographic in here,” Meredith says when they manage to pull away.

“Well, I can’t say that would be disappointing,” Alex says, and she laughs.

“It wouldn’t be. But…”

“Kids are here. I get it. To be continued,” he says, and kisses her again, and it’s so good it almost knocks the wind out of her.

“I’m going to bed,” Meredith says when she catches her breath.

“Is that an invitation?” Alex says, but not in the frat brother way he used to talk to her, but in a respectful, almost hopeful kind of way.

“Yes… actually it is,” Meredith says, and he grins as they both get up and walk the short distance to the bedroom, where they fall in bed together fully clothed, wrapped around each other, wanting so much more but knowing and appreciating the tantalizing feeling of waiting until they can take it further, explore, and unlock the secrets that have been kept in their hearts for so long.

This is the easy part; the kissing and the honesty and the excitement of something new. What comes after will be the challenge. But for now, they are ready. They are at least ready to try.