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yoongsisbae · 3 years

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Run Run Run - Seoul Town Road (Part 3)

A zombie apocalypse breaks out and you’re stuck on a plane with none other than…BTS! Oh, you thought because you were an Army that would help you survive? Girl think again.

OT7 BTS Zombie Apocalypse AU / BTS member x reader slow burn

Ready for a roadtrip with the boys?! How much could go wrong? We’re starting to get really angsty now, but there’s some fun stuff too! Enjoy! <3

Warnings: death, monsters, blood, fighting, killing, gory details, angst, kissing

Word Count: 10.7k

---

“Who knows, maybe every single zombie movie in existence had it wrong.” Yoongi laughs, proving to be your favorite again. “If you guys are headed to Seoul, then I’ll go too.”

“Can I ask you a question?”

You sit atop the guard tower with Jimin, it’s the last time you’ll ever do this. It’s a bittersweet feeling once you realise this. You had begun looking forward to your night shifts, where time seemed to slow down to a crawl, the hours stretching, as far across as the starry sky. It was a needed change from the nights you spent moving forward alone.

It was somehow easier talking to the former idols in the dead of night, one-on-one, half asleep, prying intimate details about each other's lives as an excuse to stay alert. You became closer to each of them in this way. The quiet respite, the company they offered, the calmness of the night, you really didn’t want it to end. But tomorrow morning you'll leave this place for good, headed for Seoul.

“Yeah, shoot.” You roll your shoulders, licking your lips, the skin still cut and healing from Minho’s hit.

“Did you really kiss Minho first?” When you raise your eyebrow at him, Jimin quickly adds, “It doesn’t make what he did to you right at all!” He puts his hands out, shaking them frantically, his worried expression too cute for you to be angry at him.

“But why did you kiss him?” Jimin sat next to you, patiently waiting for your answer.

You snort, “I don’t know, I guess I found him attractive? In a last-available-man-on-earth sort of way?” you sigh, staring down at the tree line, too embarrassed to look at Jimin.

Jimin nods. “He’s your type-”

“No way!” you balk at him. “I was just...lonely...” You swallow down the anxious tension growing in the back of your throat, bravely adding, “You’re my type.”

You instantly regret saying that, you’re not brave, you’re an idiot. “I-I mean, the type of p-person I would like, would be someone like you, not you!” You stare far off into the distance, ignoring the silence from your guard partner. The night’s quiet stillness now felt taunting rather than soothing.

Jimin laughs softly, prompting you to glance over at him. You’re acutely aware of the warmth on your arm from Jimin’s proximity to you, the way he leans his body towards you.

“If I am your type, why didn’t you kiss me instead?” he doesn’t look at you when he asks the question and it makes you wonder why he keeps pressing the matter.

“I-What? I...don’t understand.”

“Why him out of all of us?” Jimin turns his body to you, running a hand through his unwashed hair. You can tell he is struggling with the words, as if he wanted to say more.

“All of you, w-what? I t-thought he was my only option.” You didn’t try to make your answer sound defensive on purpose, but you couldn’t help the prickly pitch in your tone.

“Your only option?” he repeats, laughing. “What made you think that?”

You scoff, ‘Everything.’ “You call me Noona. You don’t even know how old I am!”

“You refuse-”

“And you all treat me like I’m just another one of the guys, the last time we were at the lake you all started undressing right in front of me!”

“I-It was just our shirts, we go shirtless all the time!”

“Yeah, you do!” Your face feels hot thinking about it, how does Jimin not see how that might affect you? “Sometimes I think you forget I’m a woman, you know.”

“That’s not true!” Jimin stares at you incredulously. “We know you’re a - we like that you’re...”

“Uh huh the last time Jin joked that I was Jungkook’s girlfriend he looked at me like he had just been electrocuted.”

“But you threw him off you and yelled ‘gross’-”

“I d-did not!”

“Doesn’t ‘ew’ mean disgusting in English?”

“I said ‘ugh,’ he was heavy! He shouldn’t have tried to save me from falling,” you huff, “And that’s not the point!”

“What is the point?”

“You’re all just...I don’t know! You’re-” you look over to Jimin again, staring at his handsome and soft features. Even if it felt like lifetimes ago, you can easily picture him just the way he was before, bleached hair, makeup, expensive performance outfit instead of tattered clothes, a mirage of his past life sitting next to you instead, “-very out of my league.”

Jimin shakes his head. He wanted to correct you, but he didn’t know how to tell you that they had dealt with so much loss that every member had been scared to get too close to you. That they made a deal amongst themselves not to complicate things, to leave it up to you if you wanted more, but you never asked for more, you never asked for anything from them. You were so independent and guarded, a mystery none of them could solve.

“That’s not true. You have - what did you call it? ‘options’...” Jimin studies your weary eyes, contemplating upon the brief moment of weakness he witnessed, it was very unlike you. So he decides to be brave instead.

Jimin leans in closer to you, head moving towards yours. You jerk away from him. Only slightly. Only enough to keep your lips from touching.

The logical part of your brain is telling you that Jimin is only reacting this way because you’re the last woman for miles who doesn’t want to chomp on his brains, that this would never happen under any normal circumstance, that you’d never have a chance if it weren’t for the world literally ending-

The illogical part of your brain says to kiss him. Not because he is someone you used to idolize, but after everything you’ve been through...the chaos at the airport, the brutal reality you fought against during supply runs, the laughs during group dinners, the guard nights like tonight where you talked like old friends, you realize, Jimin is a good man. And you want to kiss him too.

So fuck it, you’re touch starved and needy and the way Jimin is looking at you has your ego soaring through the roof.

You lean into him before he has a chance to question your hesitation. He slowly presses his lips on yours, his lips so soft and smooth and better than you could have ever imagined. And oh, you did imagine. You however didn’t factor in your busted lip-

“Ow!” you wince.

“I’m sorry! I shouldn’t-”

“I didn’t say stop!” You shift your body, kissing him again, adamant to keep his attention.

You’ve built up so many walls and you just wanted one small victory, to just feel a connection with someone again, to have a lifeline in the dark ocean of uncertainty you have been wading in for so long. In that moment you hope it's Jimin who reaches you finally.

Jimin deepens the kiss and your lips move against his own despite the pain, despite your insecurities telling you he’s only kissing you now because you’re the last available woman left here, it’s okay...The pain of Jimin’s lips pressed tightly against your own is added to the list of things that makes you feel alive.

Your heart races, goosebumps bloom in the places Jimin runs his hands along, and your body feels ignited against his warmth. You take the opportunity to run your fingers through his hair, pull him closer and let the pain turn into pleasure, listening to his soft sighs against your lips. It’s been so long...

Over a year at least since you’ve kissed someone like this. You’re pent up, that’s for sure, and by the way Jimin eagerly pulls you closer to him, moving you into his lap, legs straddling his strong thighs, breathlessly kissing you as neither of you are willing to pull away from each other, you’re sure he’s just as needy as you. Your breath hitches, rolling your hips down purposefully onto his lap, so he can-

“Shift change - Oh shit!” Taehyung yelps, almost falling off the ladder.

Your soul leaves your body.

You jump away from Jimin like a scared cat, so far you almost fall backward off the platform. Jimin looks at Taehyung with a mixture of shock and anger as you scramble onto your feet, practically yanking Taehyung’s whole body onto the platform and out of your way, leaving before you have to face either man.

You jump down, falling backward into Yoongi, who came to relieve Jimin. “You okay?”

“I’m fine,” You’re totally not fine, “I’m great,” You were great, now you feel like throwing up, “Why wouldn’t I be okay?” You’re being suspicious, get it together! “Don’t answer that, I-I’m fine, I'm fine,” you say trying to calm yourself down.

Yoongi holds your shoulders to steady you. Yoongi's hands are still on your arms as you ramble, thumbs rubbing circles into your skin absentmindedly. Jimin’s words run through your mind, ‘...options,’ and you panic, turning on your heel, leaving a confused Yoongi behind.

You feel like running away. Instead you run back inside, not willing to lose the opportunity to sleep in a bed for the last time. Your humiliation could just not compete with down feathers, not in this economy!

---

You slip under the covers and settle into bed with Jungkook and Hoseok, resting on Hoseok's side.

You’re used to the members pulling you closer into them by now, if only for body warmth on cold nights without heat. But now...now you can’t help but feel paralyzed by Hoseok’s closeness. You bury your face in your hands, your lips still vibrating from Jimin’s touch.

“What's wrong, did something happen?” Hoseok murmurs groggily against your stiff body and you grunt out a no. “Rest. Tomorrow is the big day,” he says, yawning and holding you gently.

How can you sleep now, when all you’re thinking about is your kiss with Jimin and Hoseok’s warmth against you? Has Hoseok always drummed his fingers against your side? When he sighs, nose against your neck, you see all the potential ‘options’ in your mind. How would Hoseok react if you turned your body around? If you pressed your face into his chest, ran your lips across his collar bone? Left soft kisses up his neck? Would he kiss you back? Would he touch you? Would he-

Oh shit. This wasn’t supposed to happen...

The fear of lurking zombies pale in comparison to the fear coursing through you right now, because in this very moment, you realize you’re starting to develop very inconvenient ‘optional’ feelings for certain members of BTS!

---

Despite that asshole Dev’s pleading, you and the group ready yourselves for the trip ahead. You didn’t need to do much, you already had everything you ever needed consolidated into your backpack. As it turned out, decluttering your life became super easy in the post apocalyptic era.

Kangho did give you a tiny collection of cooking tools to take with you. The old man had refused the group’s offer of joining the road trip, unable to leave the home that held so many memories for him, unable to leave the graves of his late wife and two deceased daughters.

You didn’t know if by choosing to stay behind, he was being smarter than all of you or choosing a death sentence, but you hoped he would be safe here, relatively hidden away from zombies. You really hoped the best for that old man, that he’d live the rest of his life out in peace. Unlike the other man staying behind, the bodyguard, who you hoped would be eaten alive by fire ants, if not zombies.

“Are they okay?” you ask Namjoon who secures the last of the supplies to the hood of the car. You noticed Taehyung and Hoseok missing, the pair solemnly standing in silence in front of headstones off in the distance.

“Yeah,” he says softly, “They are just saying goodbye. Kangho told you he had a daughter?” You nod. “She and Taehyung were close...” You caught the hidden meaning of his words.

“Was Hoseok, um, close to the other daughter?”

Namjoon shakes his head, “We buried our staff out there too, we thought it was wrong to leave them-” Namjoon swallows hard at the memories, “There was a stylist, she and Hoseok had been err close, as well.”

“I’m sorry. It must have been so difficult to lose them. I can’t imagine,” you whisper, trying to keep your emotions from surfacing.

“It was...I’m just happy my brothers survived. We’re still seven, even after all of this,” he smiles weakly.

You offer him a small smile in return, “I guess it’s a good thing I don’t really have anything here to lose,” pointing to yourself, “foreigner.”

His fingers find yours. “You’ll find your family.”

You hum, silencing your doubts. “You’ll find the rest of your family too,” Squeezing his hand tighter, you add, “But first, let's get you all to Seoul. Then we’ll work on getting me out of Seoul, yeah?”

Minho scoffs, walking up to the both of you, eyeing the place where your hands meet, displeasure evident. “I’ll give you one last chance,” he addresses Namjoon only, “let me go with you, you’ve never been without my help and you’re going to need it.” You resist the urge to tell him off. He had a point. He is the biggest and strongest one here, and he was loyal, even if he was a giant ass.

“We’re not stopping you from going to Seoul, but you’re not traveling with us,” Namjoon says, demeanor harsh and unforgiving.

Minho heaves a sigh, now looking directly at you. “If your precious idols die, it will be all your fault.”

Namjoon pulls you away before Minho can say anything more. “You should be more worried about yourself, Minho,” you yell. “It’s not so easy to survive on your own, I would know!”

You stare at Namjoon’s fingers tightly wound around yours and back at his face, anger evident, and you can’t help but feel guilt bubbling in the pit of your stomach.

You pass by Jimin, and the way Jimin watches silently as his leader drags you along, eyes searching yours for answers, hurt apparent because you’ve been ignoring him all day; the way he looks at you has your guilt magnifying tenfold. You hate to admit it, but Minho was only parroting what you already felt deep down inside. Minho was right.

---

“What now?!” Namjoon looks irate, running towards the rest of the group. You run behind him, watching the scuffle of men, bodies tangled and hands pulling others apart.

“He’s trying to take the keys!” Jungkook yells.

“You didn’t find this car, Minho!”

“Yeah, the person who did is dead!”

“Ugh, has he always been this annoying?” you ask yourself.

The members dogpile on the bodyguard.

“You can’t do this to me! After everything we’ve been through! A couple months with this bitch-”

“ENOUGH!” Everyone turns to look at the elderly man, axe in his hands. “Enough, I said. Stop!”

Everyone stops fighting, slumping down after Kangho’s scolding.

“If we can’t stop ourselves from tearing each other apart, what will those monsters have left to do, eh?”

Minho grunts, shaking off the others, walking past Namjoon. “The next time we meet, you’ll regret it.” You watch the exchange, unable to stop the gnawing sense of deja vu at his words.

“Something is off about you, I’ll prove it.” he whispers lowly at you. You frown, letting Minho shove you out of the way without retaliation. It didn’t feel good to watch him walk away like a wounded dog, because you’re reminded of the wounds you endured. You bite your tongue watching as he goes, he’s still a giant ass.

Now if you all would kindly get off my property,” the old man yells.

You laugh and think, ‘Good for him.’

---

With one final goodbye to Kangho, you’re all ready. “We are definitely not all going to fit in that tiny car,” you sigh.

Namjoon hesitates and then asks, “Can I, um, ride the bike then?”

You chew on your lip. You know you’ve been pretty mean to him regarding your bicycle, always shooing Namjoon away when you noticed him admiring it, refusing him bluntly every time he asked to use it.

It was petty, you knew it, but your bicycle had been your escape from the hell of the airport, something that could have been avoided if they just let you ride with them in the first place! It still made you angry, so you didn’t want to give Namjoon the satisfaction, the kindness he hadn’t extended to you on that day.

But now after everything, after watching the exchange between Minho and Namjoon...for now at least, you’ll let it go.

You nod. “If I can ride with you,” you add, “I will kill any zombies that come close to us,” so he doesn’t get any wrong ideas.

His face lights up, smiling brightly at you. You don’t think you’ve seen the leader so happy since arriving. You try to ignore the elation blossoming in the pit of your stomach watching Namjoon’s excitement.

He cycles in circles around you like a happy child. “You better not break anything,” you mutter under your breath, crossing your arms, so he’ll never know the happiness he caused to flutter inside of you.

Namjoon takes off with you on the handlebars, you steady yourself by leaning back against his wide chest. The two of you were the lead. Hoseok steers the car behind you, the small four-door is cramped with seven men. Hoseok, Jungkook and Jin in the front, and Yoongi, Jimin, that asshole Dev, and Taehyung in the back. The group did not go for your idea of throwing Dev in the trunk.

You wanted to leave during the night, but traveling in such a large group would have made it impossible. However, you can’t help but smile at how freeing it feels to travel during the day, the sun feels nice, the wind feels nice, Joon’s comforting presence feels nice. Listening to Namjoon hum a song out of happiness behind you has you full of positivity for once, and you think, it’s going to be a good day...

But are there any good days when zombies are around?

---

“Tired?”

“Not at all.” Namjoon leans over, pressing closer to you as he picks up his pace.

“Hey, don’t push yourself!” You smile, and then you come across a road block.

With zombies everywhere.

The bike screeches to a halt as the monsters notice your approach.

“I know this is going to sound crazy, but keep biking.”

“What?!”

“Just do it.” You pull out a knife from your back pocket. “Bike straight towards them, Joon.” You can hear the car come to a slow stop behind you. “They’re slower in the sun, look at them. I can kill them, I used to do this at night, and they were faster then. We can’t always run away if we want to make it to Seoul. Every zombie we leave behind can and will follow us.” You plead with him to believe you. You can hear him take a sharp inhale, chest heaving against your back.

“Okay.”

Joon bikes straight for them, and you do what you’ve learned to do, you survive.

---

The group leaves the car to move the crashed vehicles out of the way while you use water and a rag to wash the gore from your skin. You walk over to Namjoon who sits on the ground, face covered in blood and shaken. Crouching down in front of him, “You’re a fast learner,” you say softly, wiping off the blood from his cheek. He hands you your knife. Half way through your fight you had jumped off the bike, giving him an extra knife to protect himself. ‘Are you okay?”

He nods, “Yeah, that was just a lot,” he swallows, “of killing.”

You exhale, sitting next to him. “Yeah, well I can’t tell you it will get any easier,” you mutter, going back to cleaning yourself.

Dev comes up to the pair of you. “I’m sorry, y/n, for what happened at the airport! I’m so sorry, I hope you can forgive me. You know after getting to know you these past weeks, I would never ever betray you like that again, I consider you one of my friends, you know that right?” he grovels out of fear for what he just witnessed.

‘Ugh calm down, what do you think I’m going to do, you weirdo?!”

“Dev, just go away.” Namjoon mutters, prompting you to turn your head, unable to hide your smile as Dev stumbles away stuttering out apologies.

“Still wanna ride the bike? I can do it alone-”

“You think I’m going to give up so easily?” He cracks his knuckles, stretching out his sore body. “I finally got you to let me ride it!”

You laugh, using the rag to wipe off the blood staining his neck. “Okay, but don’t get too comfortable! You break it, you buy it, and you cannot afford my price, that’s my baby.”

Namjoon grips your wrist before you can pull away. He stares at you, eyes sorrowful, “I’m sorry...you had to go through that before, and alone...I’m sorry.”

You have flashbacks of the airport. Rooms filled with bodies, corridors of horrors, swarms of rotting flesh for days. You shake the grotesque memories away, pulling Namjoon to his feet. “Let’s help them so we can keep moving. Nowadays, the real monsters out there aren’t the ones that want to eat your brains.”

---

You raid a gas station while the two oldest members siphon gas from one of the pumps.

“I found a flashlight!”

“Any batteries?”

“Any soju?”

You look for lipstick, your tube was running out. You pout when you only find lip balm, but grab it anyways. “Nice bat,” you tell Jungkook.

“I found it! I can use it to help you fight-”

“Oh, look what I found!” you say, pulling an unopened bottle of kombucha from your pack, “You like this stuff, right? Does it go bad?”

“I don’t think so,” he says, pocketing the drink. “Thank you, y/n.” Jungkook pulls you into a hug. “What you did earlier, that was amazing. You were like, Rambo!”

You laugh against his chest, “I like to think I’m cuter than Rambo.”

“You are!” his hand finds your cheek, holding you softly. “I didn’t mean it like that, you’re a very cute WOMAN version of Rambo. No, you’re like Blackwidow! Not a man. I don’t think you’re a man at all, I-”

“Err have you been talking to Jimin?” you narrow your eyes at the flustered singer, pulling his hand from your face. He tells you a very unconvincing no. “Uh huh. Well come on then, Negan.”

“Who?”

“Really?! And mine is so much more accurate!” You laugh, pulling Jungkook along. He takes the opportunity to drape his arm around you, pulling you closer. You laugh together exiting the gas station, unaware of the tension the two of you were walking into.

---

In front of the gas station, another car sat parked. Two groups stand hesitant and silent, the rest of BTS and a group of strangers you’ve never seen before.

You hear one of the strangers whisper to another, and you’re sure you heard her whisper the word, ‘Bangtan.’

Namjoon is the first to speak, bowing, “Hello, we’re just passing through,” he starts hesitantly, “We’re not looking for any trouble.”

“We have a farm! It’s getting dark soon, you could stay there with us!” one of the strangers speaks up.

Silence fills the air again. You look over at the group of strangers, there are three women and three men. Two of the men look around your age and one looks much older, the same can be said for the women.

Could they be a family? There are really no similarities between them, however family in present circumstances are bonded by a different kind of blood, forged from trauma and shared struggles. They look like a family, you conclude.

The strange group is rough around the edges, tattered clothes, hair in tangles, and when the older man speaks he has an accent. “It’s true, we do have a farm,” he says hesitantly, eyeing one of the younger women who spoke first. “We have fresh vegetables, we could trade you? And you could stay the night in exchange for supplies?”

You keep quiet. You don’t trust them. But you also recognize you have issues trusting anyone. So when Namjoon turns to you and asks in English, “What do you think?” you stare back at him incredulously, at a loss for words.

“What do you think?”

“We need to find a home to stay in before night time,” Yoongi adds.

“I knew it, I knew you spoke English well!”

“Focus, we also need fresh food,” Yoongi mumbles.

“So, yes?” Seokjin asks.

You turn to Namjoon, “It’s your decision, Leader,” and you add, “If anything goes wrong, we do outnumber them.”

Namjoon nods. Looks like you’ll have a place to stay tonight!

Unfortunately, they never made it to the farm.

---

“Hey, psst, is that BTS?” One of the girls looks at you, wide eyed and brimming with excitement.

“Yes! What are the odds, huh?” you whisper.

“Really?! Is that seriously Jeon Jungkook…with a bat.” She sways on her feet, in awe, hiding her blush with her hands.

“I know, right? He likes to be referred to as Negan now.”

“Oooh,” she gasps, “Really?” You nod furiously.

“Who are you?” she studies your foreign features and demeanor, “A, um, translator?”

“Yeah, let’s go with that. My name is y/n, what’s your name?”

Her words are cut short by a piercing scream inside the gas station, by then it was too late to make friends.

---

As the other group were looking for supplies in the gas station, one of the young men opened the door to the back room, and in that back room stood a man whom never clocked out from his last shift.

The worker, body decaying, growling at his first new customer in months, takes a large bite from the young man’s neck. He shrieks for help as the worker takes his lunch break.

If there were a hierarchy of zombie kind, newly turned zombies are the worst kind. Newly turned zombies are the fastest and most blood thirsty. They run instead of amble, they screech and growl and foam at the mouth at a chance to feed. Their muscles haven’t had a chance to atrophy, their eyes are still sharp, their teeth haven’t rotted yet and fallen out. If someone were to encounter a human just turned zombie, your advice would always be to run!

“RUN!”

“Get in the car!”

“Where’s Hobi?!”

You hear screaming inside the gas station. You turn to Jungkook and ask, “Still got that bat?!”

Jungkook swings it over his shoulder, catching the end of the bat with his other hand. “Let’s go!”

Inside the gas station Hoseok knocks a shelf into one of the zombies, pulling the crying woman along with him.

You and Jungkook run into the gas station, followed closely by Namjoon, Seokjin, Yoongi, Jimin, and Taehyung. All of them willing to fight for their friend.

“Hoseok!”

“Misun!” The older woman yells. The other young man rushes forward with a long shovel, beating what was once the old man, now a snarling monster. Jungkook aims his bat for the slower zombie worker, taking off his head.

Another scream echoes from outside. No, why her! Why couldn't it have been Dev?! You watch through the glass as your fellow Army friend cradles her leg, a large chunk missing from her calf. She’s already turning, hopping towards Dev with newfound purpose.

“Hey! Over here!” You bang on the glass, making as much noise as you can to draw the zombies away from Hoseok and Misun and ugh, Dev.

“Jungkook! Over here!” Taehyung gestures for the bat and Jungkook rolls it over to his bandmate.

Taehyung spins the bat in the air impressively before hitting the zombie man in the chest, but the zombie quickly animates to his feet. Taehyung hits him again, with a loud crack of bones, aimed perfectly at his jaw. You launch yourself at at the undead man, aiming for the hole in his mouth. Yoongi pulls you to your feet while the others escape outside, taking care of the last zombie.

Misun won't stop crying, and when you finally catch your breath you see why. On Misun’s arm is a large bite print, swollen and turning purple. Dammit! Where the fuck is Dev?

The older woman hugs her close, wailing. You try to pull her away but she refuses. You don’t know what to do, you didn’t know them, but you felt her pain so viscerally it hurt too much to watch.

You look around at the group, the men look on horrified. It could have been you, crying over one of them, no, that wasn’t an option for you. That’s why you can’t kiss Jimin again. Wait, wasn’t there one more stranger? Who had bitten the girl outside?

It happened so fast...

Before you could turn your head fully, Yoongi shoves you to the ground, pushing you far away. You hit the dirt so hard, your head bounces and the wind is knocked out of you. Disoriented, your vision blurs and when you can finally focus you see Yoongi on the ground next to you yelling. The man who swung the shovel, now a zombie, lying on top of him, snarling, growling, mouth opening wide!

Watching as he fights for his life you want to scream, or cry, or do anything other than lay there feeling the weight of the world crush you to the ground. Your surroundings moved at the pace of quicksand and yet you were still too slow to react, eternity in a few moments, your fear compounding upon itself as you watched your worst nightmare unfold.

And then a bat is swung and the zombie is gone by the time you can twist your body around and find footing again.

You scramble to his side, searching Yoongi’s body for the tell tale mark of death. Yoongi winces, “I’m alright.”

Even in that moment of relief, your stomach turns and your heart bleeds and you fall onto him crying. He was so close to dying, and you couldn’t save him, it should have been you!

“I’m okay,” he whispers, holding your shaking shoulders. And then you hear more growling, turning your head to see Misun slowly turning in the older woman’s crying embrace.

You can’t witness anymore. You’ve had enough. You wipe your tears away and stand up and go to the pair. Using all your strength to separate the women, you drag the older woman away by her hair. You don’t hold back as you stab Misun through the eye, ending the gas station nightmare.

---

You ran then. You must have looked horrible in those moments, like a monster as well. Yoongi almost died because of you. You couldn’t face those truths any longer, so you ran.

You ran until you felt grass, and then you fell to your knees and cried, pulling the blades out with your fists, letting the smell of the earth overtake the copper smell covering you. You cry and cry, until you hear footsteps coming close.

You turn around and see the man who caused you to lose your composure, and where you laid on the edge of grief quickly shifted into anger.

Min Yoongi annoyingly stands over you, his big annoying feet at your head, his concerned face looking down at you annoyingly. And when he crouches down and lays a hand on your shoulder soothingly, you annoyingly start crying again.

You throw the clump of dirt clenched in your fist at him. “Hey! Why are you so upset? I’m fine!” How can you explain it to him, when you don’t even fully understand what you’re going through yourself.

“Never do that again!” you scream through sobs. “Never risk your life like that for me. Promise me right now!”

“Answer my question first, would you have done the same for me?!” But you can’t answer him, you can’t speak, all you can do is cry into his chest.

“Y/n...” He holds you close. “We’re all in this together.”

“No,” you cry bitterly, “We were never in this together.”

You can’t stand the thought of him in danger trying to protect you again, but you can’t stand the thought of leaving him either. Minho’s words echo cynically in your head. You feel selfish falling into Yoongi’s embrace.

Yoongi exhales, “Will you ever forgive us for that? Do I have to save you a hundred times before you have faith in us again?” he says, mistaking your doubts.

“I don’t want you to save me. I don't want to be the reason you die, Yoongi. I can’t - I’ve already forgiven you, but I’ll never forgive you if you die!” You bury your head into his chest, too ashamed to look him in the eyes. He tenses, feeling shy from your words and your tenderness, wordlessly embracing you tighter.

Should you trust him? Should you tell him the truth?

Jimin runs over to you, falling by your side. “Jimin! I-” you cry harder as Jimin shushes you, holding both Yoongi and you in a tight embrace. You feel the others’ embrace surrounding you, warm bodies piled on your back, a welcoming change.

“Alright alright, you’re all going to crush us!” Yoongi yells annoyed.

You walk together back to the car guarded by Dev, at a conveniently safe distance from the fight, you notice. Of course he's perfectly fine.

“Where's the old lady?” You ask. You wanted to apologize to her.

“I gave her directions to Kangho’s house. I figured now they could use each other’s company.” Taehyung says. “She’s his type, trust me,” he winks. You vaguely remember a family photo sitting in the corner of his kitchen, a beautiful wife and two daughters smiling next to a younger Kangho. Now that you think about it, the old woman did hold a vague resemblance to his wife.

“So, where are we going to sleep?” Jungkook whines.

“Did she give you a location on the farm?”

Taehyung smiles, “She did.”

The farm was small, but had enough greens and potatoes to feed a small army. It was very tempting to stay there, but you only took what you needed and left in the morning.

---

“...I don't see no open cars, no open bars. It's not bad, I'm all alone on this road. The hearts of people are floating like an island. The night that might never come, walk and roll across the horizon to the vanishing point that we chose.”

You wait, leaning against Namjoon’s shoulder. “You’re a better singer than me, keep going.”

“Aww c’mon! And that’s not true at all! If you are sad...c’mon!” you whine.

“Let's go ride a bicycle.”

“YEAH!”

“Let's leave the wind beneath our four feet. Oh, let's ride a bicycle with arms opened freely,” Namjoon sings softly, playfully cycling to the left and right, voice deep and soothing in your ear.

“NANANANANANAA-”

You and Namjoon notice the car slow and an argument escalating inside the vehicle. Namjoon slows his pace as well, moving towards the driver’s window.

“Joon, let’s stop there!” You see Seokjin point at the next exit, marked ‘ALPACA WORLD.’

The group begins bickering again.

“Is there some place important you need to be right now? Are we late for a meeting?” he argues against the group’s protests.

You gasp. HOW CAN YOU SAY NO TO ALPACAS? “He’s got a point.”

“We need to stay on route to Seoul,” Namjoon's deep voice is heard behind you.

“It is on route, that sign doesn't say, 'Alpaca World, three exits back to where you came from,' it's the next exit!” Seokjin argues.

“We also need to rest. We've been lucky, but sleeping alongside the road is too dangerous. The park might have some food too!” You turn your body to the best of your ability, startling Namjoon as the bike sways, looking back to him pleadingly. “Also, how can you resist alpacas? They’re so cute,” you pout.

“We can’t just survive, we should live a little too. Let me pet an alpaca before I die!” Seokjin yells.

“I also would like to pet an alpaca before death,” you have the eldest’s back on this one.

Namjoon sighs defeatedly. No one wants to challenge Seokjin, and with you on board too...“Fine.”

---

You and the group walk through the abandoned park. The entrance is hauntingly beautiful. Nature didn’t waste any time overtaking the human-made facility. Unattended shrubbery and vine snaked around plastic and wood, the last imprints of human life became hidden, covered in green. The park was left dirtied and forgotten like the rest of humanity. Yet, the serene scene felt hopeful, in a way, in only a year's time nature was healing from the destruction civilization caused.

“Can we talk?” Jimin walks beside you.

“Of course, what about?” you try to act unaware of his intentions, like you don't know exactly what he wants to talk about.

He sighs, “You know what…”

“I do?”

Jimin stares at you, eyebrows arching. “You’ve been ignoring me ever since it happened,” Jimin says dejectedly.

“I didn’t mean to ignore you,” you sigh. “I’m sorry, I was just worried, I would try to, um, do it again.”

Jimin laughs, pulling on your shoulder to stop you from walking any further. “Wait, so you want to kiss me?”

“I thought - I thought that was obvious?” you tilt your head in his direction.

“I thought you regretted it!”

You huff, heading towards the pasture. “I do regret it. I shouldn’t have done it, but in my defense the moon was shining on you and your lips looked very kissable,” you smirk. You turn around, facing him, tone more serious, “I think it’s better if we remain friends, it’s too dangerous right now.”

Jimin steps closer to you, his chest brushing against your shoulder, “Shouldn’t we be living life without regrets? I don’t want to just be friends with you.”

You were surprised by his bluntness, so you offer him your candid opinion as well. “You’re only saying that because I’m the only woman around.”

Jimin sighs, fingers carding through his hair while he thinks. Then he flicks you on the head.

“Ow, what the fuck, Jimin!”

“I can’t believe I have feelings for someone so stupid.”

“You have feelings for what? Wait, I’m not stupid!”

“Yeah, you’re stupid,” he says, taking the opportunity to flick you on the head again. Jimin’s affection sure hurts. You hit him in the shoulder, rubbing your forehead.

“You’re the stupid one,” you mutter. “You think you have feelings for me. I’m telling you it’s because I am the only person left to have feelings for.”

“I can have feelings for a man too. I am not settling for you, if that’s what you think.”

“Oh, well, good point,” you massage your head slowly, nursing the sting on your skin. “Well maybe I just don’t have feelings for you then.”

“Yeah?” He stares as you shift awkwardly, challenging your words. Jimin stands so closely you can feel his heart beating rapidly against your chest. Oh no, that means he can feel your pounding heartbeat too. “Do you normally kiss a person you have no feelings for like that?” He dips his head lower, teasingly breathing out against your lips. You could so easily move your head closer, experience how good he tastes again. It was so quiet you could hear his short breaths of air against the rustle of the breeze through the trees and your escalating heart rate, daring you to move.

“There! Look! I knew it! Right there!” The eldest member rushes past you excitedly and you and Jimin's stalemate ends for now as you both follow along.

In the distance, like a tiny cumulus cloud from heaven trotting down the pasture, is the fluffiest alpaca you’ve ever seen!

It trots right in front of Seokjin. If only you had your phone, and it worked, you would have taken a video of this moment and replayed it for the rest of your life. The way Seokjin gently touches the alpaca's fluff, the older idol accidentally bumping into the alpaca, causing the animal to startle, causing Seokjin to really startle, flinching and yelling in fright, startling the alpaca even more. The cute pair managing to terrify one another within an instant of meeting.

“It’s so cute!” Hoseok says, poking the alpaca's giant fur coat. It is cute, you want, no, need to pet it.

“We should eat it,” Yoongi says. WHAT.

He looks at your horrified expression. “I’m just saying, that would feed us for a while, probably easy to catch too. Look at it!” The alpaca is currently trying to eat the hem of Taehyung's jacket.

You all stare at each other in defeaning silence, and then back at the happy alpaca.

No nope ande nada no no! There was no way you were going to murder a cute fluffy alpaca, you’ll stick to canned foods.

"You're going to kill him after I just named him?!" you cry.

"That was your first mistake, you never give them a name," Yoongi chastises.

"Well too late, Alcast P is here to stay."

Yoongi narrows his eyes at you, "You just made that up right now to spite me." Obviously, but you’re not backing down.

"Nah, you can't see how swaggy that alpaca looks? Alcast P is a survivor."

“Can’t we catch another animal? I saw some rabbits in the field,” Taehyung says.

“Why do all our killing choices have to be so cute?!” you cry. “I’m gonna go raid the gift shop.”

---

You sigh, fingertips running along the dusty wood table. What you’d give for a cold coffee. Or a pastry! One with cheese and fruit, glazed and shiny and sweet. Or whip cream, caramel drizzle, you’d take even a plain old ice cube at this point.

“Hey.”

“Oh hey,” you’re pulled from out of your fantasy coffee date, back to the empty shop, accumulating dust and heat thick in the air.

“Hey, Jimin,” you say, turning around. “Come here,” you move his hair out of his eyes, “Why is there grass in your hair?”

“Tae and Jungkook tackled me.”

“What?! Why would they do that? Are you sure you didn’t just fall down?” you laugh.

“They found a ball that wasn’t too deflated, we’re playing a game in one of the fields.”

“Why aren’t you with them?”

“I wanted to be with you.”

“I thought we were going to forget-”

“I don’t want to forget.”

You sigh and you take a seat, “Sit down…please?” gesturing to the empty chair across from yours. He obliges you, sitting quietly. You reach across the table and hold his hands in yours. “You probably didn’t get to go on a lot of coffee dates as an idol.”

“No, not really. I bought out a whole restaurant once...I only did it once, it was so stressful, ” he laughs.

“I’m jealous! You know what I never got to try? Omakase…wonder how many sushi chefs made it.”

“It’s okay, nothing beats good barbecue,” he smiles, playing with your fingers.

“I never got to try it,” you shrug your shoulders, sighing wistfully. “The closest I had was a worker's leftovers in one of the employee fridges at the airport.”

“Maybe once we’re in Seoul, we’ll find some.”

“I hope so! Maybe your parents can make us some good food?”

Jimin nods, fingers tightening around yours. “You believe they will actually be alive?” he says softly, words filled with doubt.

You pause in thought, “Why wouldn’t they be? They have a ton more resources in Seoul than you guys did in Yangyang and you all made it, didn't you?”

“Part of me doesn’t want to go back there,” Jimin struggles, “If I find them as monsters, I don’t think I could handle it,” he confesses. “I think it's why we stayed so long at Kangho’s, we were all too scared to face the truth. And now we’re risking our lives again, and it could all be for nothing. I don’t know, is all this worth it? Maybe we’re better off trying to make new lives here in the country.” Jimin lowers his head, resting his forehead atop your intertwined fingers. You can feel his limbs shaking.

You sigh. “You know I hoped for a long time that what was happening here to me was an isolated incident, that my family and friends were safe outside of Korea. But you know if that were the case, we’d probably all be dead right now? Probably nuked to hell,” you scoff bitterly. “If other countrys were able to reach us, wouldn’t they have done it by now, if not only to save themselves from our nightmare?” You continue, “I’ve, um, accepted that the chance to see my home, m-my family, again is long gone...but you still have a chance, Jimin, however small it is. We can get you home-”

“And if I come home, and everyone I love is dead, and I have to kill them again?” he chokes out.

“You won’t have to do that, I promise,” you whisper.

“This is not worth it, it’s not.” He shakes his head, unraveling. “We almost died at the gas station.”

You felt yourself unraveling with him. “Fuck...if it wasn’t for me, you would still be at Kangho’s. I’m sorry Jimin, I’m so sorry. This is all my fault.”

Jimin lifts his head at that, “What? No, it’s not!” he argues. “We all unanimously agreed to leave in the end. I guess, like you, I’ve just accepted I’ll never see them again. The family I have now is what’s important to me, and I don’t want to lose you.”

“You won’t lose them, you’ve made it this far.” ‘And I’ll make sure you make it to Seoul, I won’t let any of you down.’

“And you, y/n, I don’t want to lose you.”

You scoff, “I’ll be fine, don’t worry about me! This date took a really bad turn, by the way.”

“Maybe you’re right not to like me,” he laughs softly, “It’s a selfish reason why I want to have you for myself. When we met again, that day, I felt like my old self. You just make everything better. You make this bearable, in your own aggravating way,” he smirks.

“You’re aggravating.”

“You’re beautiful.”

“Okay, now you’re just saying what I want to hear. It won’t work.”

“Beautiful and so stupid.”

“And now you’re describing yourself,” you sigh.

You and Jimin never let go of each other’s hand during the whole conversation, so Jimin now used his hold on you to his advantage. “Is that so?” He yanks you closer, pulling you over the table.

“Ya! Oof.” Jimin pulls you over his shoulder. “Jimin! Wait! Ahh!” Jimin threw you, that’s right, threw you, to the ground. You fully expected to crack your skull, but you ended up on a pile of fluffy stuffed alpacas. You pull one from underneath you, the cute stuffed toy stares back at you with its big black bead eyes. It’s not as cute as the official RJ merch, but it gets an A+ for realism. Jimin stands over your Alpaca covered body laughing. “Have you always been this evil?!”

“Yes,” he crosses his arms. You throw the stuffed alpaca at his face, and he has the audacity to catch it in mid air. Ugh, evil and hot, the worst combination.

---

“I’m glad we came, thanks for convincing Joon.”

You giggle quietly, “Me too, but I can't take the credit, he was just too afraid to go against his big bro,” you whisper.

“No, you definitely have him wrapped around your finger,” Seokjin teases.

“Shh, go to sleep Jin,” Jungkook mumbles from the other side of Seokjin.

You all were sleeping outside tonight, in one of the alpaca pens, using the fencing to keep things out instead of in. The stuffed alpaca toys actually made pretty comfy pillows.

“Y/n?” Jin whispers your name, and you open your eyes, turning to his side.

“I’m happy you ended up with us after all.”

You roll your eyes. “I’m happy too, traitor.”

“Sor-” You put your pointer to his lips. Not wanting to hear him at first, but the soft skin of his mouth makes you realize your intimate gesture, leaving you flustered. “Don’t start that again or I’ll request dancing from you next.”

“I’d be happy to give you a lap dance.”

“Don’t tempt me,” You kept your voice to barely a whisper not wanting to wake the others. Not realizing Jungkook was fully awake on the other side of Jin.

“Are you tempted?”

“Hmm..” You look up to the sky, “Just curious to see what moves you got,” you whisper.

“Well, I owe you, I'll be here whenever you want to come collect,” he whispers back.

“What if I asked for an apology kiss instead?” you teased.

“Now you’re tempting me, my brothers will get jealous.”

You snort. “Go to sleep, World Wide Handsome.” Lying on the end the row, you scoot closer to Seokjin, shutting your eyes. He places an arm gently over you and you try to steady your breathing.

“You're still awake,” Seokjin whispers after a short time. “I can tell, because you usually snore,” he jokes.

You open your eyes, ready to protest, but you see how close his face is to yours. He looks tired after running around trying to pet the remaining alpacas you found together, but Seokjin looks content. His hair is long and pulled into a bun like Jungkook's now. His brows are thicker now too, his skin unfairly bright and smooth without makeup, he really is one of the most handsome men you've ever met. So close to him, you can't help but be enamored by his looks.

“What do you want now?” you mumble.

“Jimin told us you think we don't see you as a woman?” he confesses, confused why you'd come to such conclusion.

“Why are you guys talking about me when I'm not around?!” you hiss, covering your face with your hands. Seokjin takes the opportunity to pull you closer into his embrace. You freeze, momentarily forgetting how to breath.

“Also, I would like to make it known that I am single.” He doesn't answer your question. “And ready to mingle.” You can't help but shake with concealed laughter.

“No way, impossible, you single?” you whisper against his broad chest, “With that face, I don't believe it.”

He pulled you closer, enjoying your inviting warmth. Jin didn't want to ruin the moment. He made peace with the fact that his girlfriend in Seoul had probably moved on, if she had even made it out alive at all. He had spent months grieving his lost love, but now his heavy heart felt lighter listening to your soft laughter.

“You know you're cute when you're not taking down hordes of zombies.”

“Shut up,” you whisper, “I'm always cute. Especially when taking down hordes of zombies.”

“You are,” he hums. “But if you don't start breathing normally you're going to pass out,” Seokjin snuggles closer to you, satisfied, sleepy.

“Then go to sleep already.” You keep yourself hidden in his embrace, processing his words. In his own lighthearted way, Seokjin had thrown you another lifeline. Seokjin has you rethinking everything now.

---

You’ve come to an impasse.

Specifically, a tunnel through the mountains. Long and dark, who knows how many zombies are hidden inside.

You can hear them. You wonder if it’s just your imagination, sick and twisted visions from your past nightmares or if the tunnel really amplifies what lurks in the shadows, soft faint growls echoing from within the darkness.

You grimace at the thought of what awaits your group ahead. There is no way to tell how long the tunnel runs, and no way around without abandoning the car.

“I’ll go first.” Namjoon holds your shoulder, ‘hell no’ written all over his face. “Listen, I am the best at killing them. You know that.”

“Jungkook and I will go with you.”

“Over my zombified dead body.”

“That’s exactly what I’m afraid of,” Namjoon grumbles.

You roll your eyes, “Trust me, it’s not gonna happen.”

“What if we lure them out?” Yoongi offers.

Namjoon thinks it over, “No, It’s going to take too long, the sun is already headed back down, and then we’ll have even bigger problems.”

“We could barrel through them with our car?” Jungkook says.

“We have no idea what else is inside. If we aren’t careful we could crash into something and then we’ll be swarmed,” Jimin argues.

A large growl emits from inside the darkness, making Hoseok, that asshole Dev, and Seokjin flinch away. You clasp your hands together with a plan, “This is what we’re going to do. I’m going to go first, give me five minutes! Just five, and then you follow me in. We can clear the tunnel. Deal?”

No deal, none of them agree with you. “Just trust me please?” you whine, swinging a leg over your bike.

Jungkook stands in your path, arms holding your handlebars tightly. “We’re not sacrificing you! What kind of men would that make us?!”

“I’m not trying to bruise your ego, but I’m really the best at killing them!” you argue.

“I don’t care about that, I care about you!” he yells.

“We will all go together, that’s how it should be,” Yoongi says, moving closer to the tunnel.

You grip his arm, pulling him back. “No! No-” you’re two seconds from pulling your hair out. You shake your head, you wouldn’t let Minho be proven right. “Let me go first at least, please!” you beg Namjoon. “Look, you want me to trust you, but you won’t trust me!”

“I’m faster than her!” Jungkook argues.

“So?! How many times have you gone into a dark room swarming with zombies, huh Jungkook? Zero, right? I know what I’m doing!”

On the other end, Jimin is pleading with Namjoon to not let you go.

“I'll go with you, y/n. I can’t let you go in there alone,” Namjoon says.

No, you have to do it alone, you'll worry too much about him if he goes with you. “Five minutes. Then follow?” you plead, “Do I have to get on my knees and beg you?” You stare at the group resolutely, struggling to speak the uncomfortable thoughts you’re holding within. “If anything happens to you, I can’t have your blood on my hands.”

“And how am I supposed to live? No, my hands are already covered in red, too many people have died for me, not you, I need you,” Namjoon says, eyes glassy.

Your chest tightens, pierced by his words. No, you need him to live. Yoongi almost dying had you too close to the edge. You’re not as strong as you thought, you’re a porcelain egg ready to crack, unwilling to be put back together if you do, and this argument has gone on for entirely too long, you think, no more wasting time.

You have to make Namjoon understand.

You grab his hand and pull him away, past the car, far away from the group and stand in front of him so his large back covers you from the rest of the men. With his hand still in yours you place his palm on your heart. You take a deep breath and then you drag it down.

“W-What are you doing?”

“Just wait,” you’re insistent, looking over his shoulder to make sure no one sees, gripping his wrist tighter, you move his hand again, his fingertips trailing underneath the hem of your shirt.

“Y/n?!”

But you don’t stop, you have to make him understand, moving his fingers over your skin slowly. “Let me protect you?” you ask again. His eyes widen, staring at you, limbs frozen and led by your movements.

---

They’re angry at Namjoon. They’ll get over it, you think.

“Take this.” Taehyung gives you the ball they were playing with earlier, rope wrapped around the globe. And a lighter. You admire the makeshift weapon. Flaming ball of death? Sure why not.

The ball rolls, lighting a path. The group watches as glimpses of bone and flesh illuminate, sluggishly swaying around the small globe of fire. You stand in the entrance trying to calm your racing heart. It’s not like you wanted to go in there, you hated this part.

“It’s not too late to ask for help,” Jimin whispers solemnly, red eyes pleading with you.

You turn around, looking at the dejected men. “I will have help, won’t I?” You give them a weak smile, holding your palm up to them, five fingers splayed out, and then place your thumb down, turning swiftly following the fiery light.

---

They were much much slower, thankfully, from months without anything to feed on. You didn’t want to leave any bodies able to catch the men behind you, but there was so many, and no light at the end of the tunnel.

You moved through the darkness, using the lighter sparingly. Click. Clouded eyes and decaying faces. Blood splattering as you swung your knife around you. Click. Feet dragging along the pavement, roaring off in the distance, they were searching for you. Click. Bodies coming closer, you move back and forth gouging out eyes, ending their purgatory. Click. Loud growls, bones breaking under movement, looking to find food. Click.

You set fire to one, a human torch, and move through the crowd as fast as you can. It was exhausting. You were afraid, you couldn’t kill them all.

Their bodies block the exit as they swarm your bike. You run. You crouch and hide and attack when you can. They screech and hiss, their horrible noises echoing throughout the tunnel and it feels like you’ll never reach the end.

Five minutes have passed long ago and you hoped you made a sufficient path. You hear distant yelling in the back and luminescent from flashlights. So you yell, earning the attention of the rest of the zombies and run and run, your knife slicing anything close, your body moving on instinct, so tired you drop when you finally make it out to the other side.

You fall to the ground, sun in your eyes, zombies snarling over you. Aiming for an eye you finish off one, another zombie appears in his place, heavy body pressing closer to your face.

Then, when you’re about to give up, a bat swings from the left. Jungkook pulls you up, but your legs cannot hold you up any longer.

“Took you long enough,” you wheeze, tired, skin caked in blood. You’re at least ninety-five percent sure none of it is yours. “Just give me a minute, and I’ll go through it again.”

“I don't care what Joon says, I'm going to tie you up if you try to move again. We can handle the rest, okay?! We’re not helpless, y/n.”

You nod, falling back on the ground. Jungkook lifts you in his arms. You just needed to rest a bit, then you’ll go back in with him-

You felt something wet on your neck, and your clothes being pulled away from your shoulder. You immediately reach for what is touching you. Hoseok yelps. “What are you doing?” you groan.

“Cleaning off the blood.” You’re in the back seat of the car with Jungkook and Hoseok. “I thought zombies were scary, flaming zombies, definitely worse,” He adds with a soft smile. The other men surround the car. You’re relieved they all made it, even Dev. Did you have a concussion? You groan, trying to stretch your sore joints.

“You’re not doing that again,” Namjoon declares from the window.

“Did it work?” you grunt.

“Barely,” Jungkook mumbles, playing with your hair. The way he looks now, bruised and clothes torn, reminds you of the idol you helped at the airport, who helped you, until he betrayed you. You close your eyes, but the sounds of the dead roar back to life in your consciousness. Fuck, you wished you could just go back to sleep.

“Why aren’t we moving?” you ask.

“We have a problem,” Namjoon sighs.

“Was someone hurt?!” you struggle to move, but Jungkook holds you still, pulling you close to him. Namjoon opens the door, helping you to your feet, pointing far into the distance.

Eyes casting down the road, you could see a…tunnel. Ugh.

---

You created a system. You used what you could find in the abandoned cars and set it on fire. The light created openings. You still made sure to go in first, drawing them along so the men could sneak in behind them. Everyone was working together this time, everyone was getting better at fighting them off.

You came upon tunnel after tunnel, until the sun finally set. The darkness pulled the zombies out of the tunnels. It thinned the crowd inside, but had you and the men hiding, inside the car, stacked inside like tetris pieces.

You had an idea. “I need air,” you declare, sandwiched against Namjoon and Seokjin, searching for a door handle, skirting dangerously close to body parts.

Namjoon stops your movement, gripping your wrist in warning.

You yank your other arm up, grabbing Namjoon's chin, turning him to the window. “Look,” you raise your eyebrows, “construction poles.”

“We need to rest, we've been fighting all day, how are you not exhausted, woman?” You couldn’t deny him, your limbs ached, food and water in limited supply, your head pounded from sleep deprivation, but how could you rest with the undead circling your location like buzzards?

“There’s no way in hell I’m going to be able to sleep like this,” Jimin complains, crouched in a ball on the floor between the front seat and backseat, Taehyung’s body lying awkwardly above him.

“What if we go out in pairs so the others can rest?” you offer. “But I get paired first!” The men groan at your unwavering enthusiasm.

---

You’re truly drained. There were just too many of them and only nine of you. You stand on the hood of the car with Jungkook, using the poles you found to spear any creature that comes close to the car with your friends inside.

“I was supposed to have an office job, spear throwing was definitely not one of the qualifications,” you whine.

Jungkook grunts, pulling his spear out from another skull. “I could never work inside an office, but A/C sounds amazing right about now.”

“You have no idea!” You hear Jin’s muffled yell from inside the car.

“Well I don’t know about you, but I wish I had one of those nice office chairs, with the back support.” You place your foot on your capture, your spear irritatingly caught on something inside of him, you don’t want to think too much about the logistics, swiftly kicking him off your pole.

“Our studio chairs were the best,” he grunts.

“Well, I'm going there first then. I better get a tour of the Golden Closet after all this,” you huff.

Then in the distance, you see a series of headlights light up the road, blinding you and the others.

Fuck. It’s definitely not zombies driving those vehicles.

---

Just some team building exercises in the form of killing zombies NBD. So many zombies and we haven’t even gotten to Seoul, oh no. More characters, are they good or bad? >:D Don't forget to vote on my member poll linked in my masterlist or comment to give a lifeline to your favorite member <3.

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caitimetravels · 2 years

Text

she’s insignificant

chapter 13: we want to help you

the umbrella academy x (fem) reader

disclaimer: i do not own the plot/storyline of the netflix tv series and i do not own the umbrella academy characters.

warnings: mentions of blood

a/n: guysss im back from the dead :))) anyways enjoy this update :3

masterlist

after allison's sudden revelation they quickly drove to leonard's- or harold's, more accurately- house. y/n waited a moment longer than her siblings to exit the car.

"be careful, okay?" allison called out, watching diego move towards the door. "we don't know what peabody's capable of"

"yeah, he didn't seem that dangerous when i first saw him, looked kinda scrawny"

"yeah well, so are most serial killers and mass murderers. i mean, look at him" allison gestured to five.

"thanks"

"wait" y/n quickly clambered out, stopping her siblings before they could do anything. they all paused, turning to her, "maybe we shouldn't.. i mean, i know he was a criminal in the past but.. vanya's happy. are we really going to ruin that for the millionth time on some baseless assumption-?"

"he could cause the apocalypse, y/n! it's not baseless, stopping him-" five begun to argue, growing angry as he realised his siblings really weren't understanding the importance of the situation they were in.

"he could, five. but he also couldn't" she stressed, "what if they're leading you astray? sending you after the wrong person?"

"they wouldn't do that, they had no idea what my plan was" five threw his hands up in annoyance.

"we can apologise to vanya when we save the world, okay?" allison cut in before the argument could escalate, "right now though, we need to make sure harold jenkins really isn't the one who's going to cause the end of the world"

y/n sighed heavily, it's not like vanya would know, right? "fine."

"so, what's this guy want with vanya?" diego changed the subject as he approached the door again.

"don't know, how about we ask him after we kill him?" five proposed. y/n's head snapped towards him, a look of disgust on her face while diego held a hand out,

"woah, woah, woah, woah, hey" he turned around to face five, "look, i'm gonna burst through the-" he paused as he watched five turn around, thinking for a second. "you know what? it would be nice if you could just stick to-"

five blinked.

"-the plan"

"you should know by now that he's not going to" y/n snorted as she watched diego sigh and take a step back. "hey, hey, hey what are you doing?!" she reached out to stop him but he had already flung himself through the window. so much for vanya not knowing, she frowned.

"subtle" allison remarked as she and five stepped past diego's fallen body.

"you know the door was unlocked?" y/n gently pushed it open, standing next to five.

"yeah? well, my way works just fine" diego pushed himself up, groaning as he stood straight. "spread out. yell if you uh.. you know, you're in trouble"

"inspiring leadership" five raised an eyebrow, glancing over at y/n and allison.

"one of the greats" the former shrugged, immediately heading for the stairs. allison followed after her, the pair splitting at the top to check the rooms before allison noticed the attic hatch.

"hey, y/n" she called as she reached for the handle. the younger girl stepped over, climbing up first when allison pulled it open.

"ew, it reaks up here" y/n cringed, reaching a hand up to pinch her nose as she looked around, allison exploring behind her. "hey allison.." her voice, albeit funny sounding, came out quite freaked out as she slowly stuck her free hand towards her siblings action figures.

the curly haired woman turned curiously, immediately calling out to the other two downstairs upon spotting the action figure in y/n's shaking hand. five and diego quickly ran up to them to see what was wrong.

"all our faces are burnt off" allison examined the figures, glancing at the crossed out eyes on their posters as well.

"well, that's not creepy" diego murmured sarcastically.

"i guess you were right about him.." y/n turned around to see if there was anything else, pausing when her eyes landed on a photo. slowly she reached out, gingerly picking up the picture. it was from a day she just barely remembered, long ago when they were much younger. she frowned at the carefree smile on her face, arm wrapped around five whose face was scribbled on harshly with a black marker, knives drawn messily into his arm where it lay around her waist. her eyes narrowed in on the boy standing behind her, a heart lightly drawn around the pair of them despite the obvious distance between the two. she raised the photo closer to her face, lips parting in surprise as she recognised him.

"whats wrong? are you okay?" diego's hand landed on her shoulder, shocking her enough to make her jump for a moment.

"it's him.. he's that boy.." she felt them staring at her, glancing between her and the photo. "dad yelled at him.."

————————————————–

y/n turned at the sound of yelling, ignoring her siblings calls to come inside. she pulled away from klaus' tug on her arm watching numbly as reginald belittled a boy. he was decked out in a replica of their uniform, donning a fake mask to match theirs, hoping to join their academy.

hoping.. hope that faded with each word from reginald's mouth.

y/n knew what it was like, to be on the receiving end of reginalds cold, unapologetic mind. he was a cruel, cruel man.

sympathy overwhelmed her, drowning out her sibling's voices. sympathy was weak.. empathy was weak.. and yet it was all she felt in that moment, it was all she felt watching her siblings suffer.

she was overwhelmed with the urge to help him, to reach out to him.

she was stopped however, klaus' tug om her arm managing to turn her around. he spoke, the words sounding muffled compared to the thrum of the blood rushing through her veins. she stiffly nodded in reply, they needed to head inside.

her eyes flitted back to the boy, catching his eye as reginald left him. he sat on the floor, emotions a mess as the crowd around him laughed at his humiliation. what cruel, cruel people..

"im sorry.." she mouthed, frowning as she allowed herself to be pulled along in the line of superpowered siblings, never to see him again..

————————————————–

before she could reminisce anymore her memory shattered, hand dropping the photo as five collapsed. she quickly dropped to her knees, diego and allison following along to check he was alright. y/n shook his shoulders, hoping he would respond while allison lifted his shirt slightly, noticing a damp red spot growing bigger on his sweater.

y/n frowned at the sight of the wound, knowing he had been hiding this to continue fighting the apocalypse. he was always rushing..

————————————————–

numbers five and eight had always had an unspoken bond. the pair didn't necessarily spend more time together or care more for each other but they definitely understood the other more than their siblings seemed to.

and when five disappeared that bond became even more obvious.

y/n didn't know why she cared so much about finding five but she just knew she couldn't sit around waiting for him to come back and her father certainly wasn't doing anymore to help find him. she felt it was her responsibility, she knew the most, could do the most and she didn't want to cause anymore problems for the family.

y/n sighed as felt her head fill with thoughts, overwhelming her and fogging her mind. she stumbled along the pathway, dodging people just barely and quite sloppily but no one bothered to question or worry about her, just sending her dirty looks. she made her way back into the same park that kept reappearing in her mind after the fever type dream.

had she always had so many problems?

as she sat on the same swing she had sat on she hoped that maybe her dream was a sign or a future vision. she wanted to see the beautiful girl again, wanting to live carefree, ride the rides at the carnival and eat fairy floss with someone just as sweet as the candy on her tongue.

but most of all she wanted someone to talk to, someone who would be able to provide her with advice, tell her what to do because frankly she was feeling quite lost in her mind at the moment, it didn't quite feel like her own.

she sighed for the nth time, pushing her hair back from her face and gently swinging her feet to gain a little momentum.

she didn't know if she wanted to continue helping her siblings anymore.. weren't they intruding into vanya's life?

there were times when her family crossed the line, and it was often that they did with each other but even this felt like a little too much.

did they even need her help..?

tag list: (if your name is crossed i couldnt tag you) @rxses-and-reverie @lostgreekgod @on-yourmark-99 @bicyhot1 @navs-bhat @midnightmystic @shawkneecaps @baby-bi-bi-bi-yeah @velveticxyyy @hehehehannahthings @i-am-scared-and-useless-bisexual @bex-tk1 @maddiesweet @takottai @mischievousmemes @mary-wolf @tsukishimawhore @katherinereid @ssa-uglywhore27

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saebyeoked · 3 years

Note

you're taking requests for sweet home omg... could you do dating hyun-su hcs?

ABSOLUTELY i love hyun-su so much ☹️ /pos he's amazing

gn!reader

tws: mentions/depictions/descriptions of suicide, self-harm, and depression

dating cha hyun-su headcanons

he's very wary of having feelings for someone. after all, he's planning on ending his life anyways so what's the point of falling it love?

he doesn't believe someone could love him anyways. his own family didn't, so it doesn't even occur in his mind that someone else could

until you come along with a bright smile on your lips and a sweet glint in your eye. hyun-su's heart will speed up at the sight of you but he won't think much else of it. his heart rate picks up every time he talks to someone

hyun-su is drawn to good and beautiful things after the miserable life he'd suffered through, so upon meeting you he felt like he almost had a light at the end of the tunnel

he would learn that you lived four doors down the hall from him. the two of you had short lived conversations in the elevator before but nothing beyond that

if you want to get to know him you'll have to make an effort. you'll show up at his door some days with that same beautiful smile on your face as you asked him how he was doing, concerned that he hadn't stepped outside in so long

he would reply with a quiet "i'm okay" before he goes to shut the door. you keep it open with a hand, tilting your head to look at him between the crack. "can we hang out? i'm a bit lonely"

he couldn't say no to you and he opens the door, letting you into his apartment. the two of you will play games together and sometimes just lay on the floor and stare at the ceiling in silence

you're at his apartment when the apocalypse starts and you spend the next few days with him, assuming that there's safety in numbers. he's very protective of you. he doesn't care about his life but he cares about yours and wants to see you live

hyun-su eventually starts showing symptoms of turning into a monster and he immediately pushes you away, fearing that you're in danger around him. he'll finally let you in after he hears you crying. you'll hug him and not let him go for a while

you develop feelings quickly. he's everything you've ever wanted in a boyfriend, so it isn't that hard to fall for him. you only wished he could see what you saw in him

he was kind, beautiful, intelligent and caring. he was all of those things and more and still, you knew that he wanted to end his own life. you never asked why, figuring that it may be too personal. you checked up on him often, a huge weight lifted off of your chest when the door opens

after meeting the rest of the residents in the lobby, hyun-su is locked up for showing symptoms. you'd sit outside of the door and sleep outside of it sometimes, worried about him. if he were going to be a monster, wouldn't he have changed by now?

the two of you developed a close relationship after the month or so of you being neighbors. he doesn't want to admit he has feelings for you, but he does. there's other people in the building who you could love. there's no way you'd choose him over them

but when he finally is released from his quarantine, you pull him aside and pour your heart out to him. sobbing over how worried you've been over him and telling him how much he means to you. he feels his heart break, but he pulls you into a hug anyways

as he feels your face bury into his neck, he can feel you mumble something against his skin. he tenses up at it but he doesn't let you go, wanting you to calm down first

he apologizes profusely for all of the trouble he's caused you but you deny that he's caused any at all. he's never been a burden to you and you could only wish that he would stop thinking that way

he'll ask you what you said but you'll only shake your head and tell him that it wasn't important. he'd nod and you'd sit there together in silence for a few minutes, enjoying each others company

a few people will notice how you pine for him. they'll point out your loving gazes and how you always stare at him to you a few times but you deny that you have feelings for him, even though you do

it was already a scary situation before a literal apocalypse, but now hyun-su has to worry about this monster living inside of him that could come out at any time. he hates the fact that he has feelings for you, it'd be his worst nightmare if you ever got hurt

at dinner you'd be the only person sitting with him. you'd be the only person to treat him normally and it makes his chest ache, but he ignores that feeling and just tries to make you happy

you'd confess to him after one of his near death experiences. you know he can't 'die' like a normal human can anymore, but it scared you seeing him so close to death anyways

you'd hold onto his hand, patching up some of his wounds that don't really need patching up anymore because of his regeneration, and you'd mutter it under your breath again

he would ask you what you said and you'd finally speak up, looking at him worryingly. he would freeze at your confession and look deep into your eyes, eyebrows furrowed and mouth fallen open in shock. he never believed you liked him like this. why would you? especially after what's been going on with him

he'll bring that up and it'll make you want to smack him upside the head with whatever you'd been holding. hyun-su can't get your feelings for him through his head until you press a kiss to the corner of his lips

you'll officially be dating after that, still to his surprise. you'd reassure him all the time that you liked him but it wouldn't ever really feel true until you kiss him for the first time

your first kiss would be so sweet. you'd be sitting across from each other someplace private after a long day. he would be looking at you with so much love in his eyes as you talked. he would put a hand on your cheek, and you would stop speaking because of it

"can i kiss you?" would be all he asked, and when you nodded for consent he would press his lips to yours in a gentle, sweet kiss. it sounds cliche but he felt fireworks when he kissed you, it doesn't feel like something he deserves but he'll relish in it until you have to pull away for a breath

he'd fall asleep with his head in your lap a lot. you'd play with his hair and it makes him fall asleep so fast that he can't even think. it becomes a habit for the two of you to sleep close

you'll cuddle all the time. he wants to be the big spoon more often than not, arms wrapped around your waist and head nuzzled into your neck as you press your back against his chest

some days, though, he'd want to be the little spoon. sometimes he just wants to be held and feel loved and wanted, and you do exactly that

whenever he sleeps in your arms he swears it's the most peaceful sleep he's experienced in years. your touch soothes him so much

some nights, when hyun-su has had a particularly bad day, you'll lay on your back and let him rest his head on your chest. you'll hold him close to you, rubbing circles on his back as you let him talk about it all he needs to

you are his safe space, no doubt about it. when he's with you he feels the most comfortable and he hopes you know that

he isn't huge on pda but he doesn't hate it either. you'll hold his hand in front of the other residents and du-sik would just cheer "it's about time!" making his face flush

you'd hug him and he would nuzzle his head into your hair, smiling. people are shocked to see him smile at first, it seems so unnatural to them. you don't notice how much these gestures mean to him, but he feels a little less sad every time you touch him

hyun-su still worries he could be a danger to you. sometimes his monster alter ego will taunt him, talking about you, and it'll shut his brain off completely, wiring him to stay away from you until he calms down. you won't ever push, knowing that alone time is what he needs

though, all of those anxieties and worries are gone whenever you kiss him. he'll melt into your arms like putty

he'll tell you everything once he opens up to you. your heart breaks when you hear his story, but you'll always reassure him you'd never be ashamed of him and would be there for him

if you kiss his scars he'll start crying. hard. he hasn't felt this loved by anyone else and he's so incredibly grateful that he's found you. he can hear you mumbling "i'll never leave you" and "i'm so proud of you" and he'd sob even more

you'd tell him to talk to you whenever he has thoughts like that. any time, even if you're asleep. nothing would hurt you more than losing him

you're fiercely protective of him like he is of you. if anyone looks at him weirdly you'll send them a glare in response. when people start talking about sacrificing him to the military you'd probably punch someone out of pure rage

you'll always insist that hyun-su is human too. it would break your heart to turn him over and with each of these speeches of yours people turn to your side

you're prepared to fight eun-hyuk for how he treats him like a dog, forcing him to do his dirty work. it angers you to no extent, but hyun-su wouldn't want you to hurt anyone so you hold back for him

you'll steal his massive clothing. if he sees you in one of his shirts his heart will speed up and his face would warm as he looks at you

he cherishes any time spent with you. in the world that you live in, he doesn't know how much time he'll get with you. he tries not to think about how you could die too much, but it'll slip in sometimes

he'll look at you with the biggest heart eyes. everyone will notice how he looks at you and eun-yu will tease him for it relentlessly

he'll remember little things you tell him. a book you like? he'll find it. something you left in your apartment? he'll go to get it

hyun-su makes everything worth it. he makes living in a horrible world worth it and he's everything you've ever wanted in a best friend and your soulmate

he still has his anxieties about his monster side trying to hurt you but it's calmed down for the most part

if you fall asleep before him, he'll spend hours admiring your features. it's his one chance to look at you without getting flustered that you caught him so he'll use it to his advantage

after awhile you won't let him avoid you anymore. you're determined that he'd never hurt you, monster or not. the more time he spends around you knowing you think like that settles his nerves a lot and helps him trust in himself more

you spend a lot of time cuddling and kissing. it's so soothing to him, the feeling of your hands in his hair and his hands on your waist or your hips. he loves it so much

hyun-su knows he's suffered. he knows that you care about him, and with every soft glance and gentle touch you give him he feels himself becoming happier even with the circumstances

with you, he knows you won't let him suffer anymore. you'd do anything for him and he'd do anything for you. you'd take his burdens on your shoulders for awhile and just let him rest like he deserves to

he's an amazing boyfriend and an amazing person. he develops more confidence and trust in himself while dating you and he thanks you all the time for it

he loves you more than anything or anyone else he's ever loved or cared for. you've shown him more kindness than anyone and he wakes up happy every morning. grateful that he can feel your warm breath on his cheek, and grateful that he can hear the air travel back into your lungs with each breath you take

#sweet home #sweet home x reader #cha hyun su #cha hyunsu #cha hyunsoo #cha hyun soo #cha hyun su x reader #cha hyunsu x reader #cha hyunsoo x reader #cha hyun soo x reader

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sunflowerdaisybee · 2 years

Note

I didn’t see anywhere that you requests were closed, so could we get a part 2 of the zombie apocalypse au? Maybe like a few years later

-fruity anon

Ok uh two things, one requests actually are closed and if it’s not findable in my bio usually my most recent post will tell you but it’s ok, I actually really enjoyed writing this anyways :]

Number two, would you guys like to see more of this? Is there any characters you’d like to see? Would you prefer if reader ended up with someone or if they stayed single forever? Just a few questions about where you guys would like to see this go as I have a lot of fun writing for it but have no idea where to take the story myself so :]

Summary: You’re first meeting with your new family had been rough, but you find that things are much nicer a few years in the future

Pairing: P!SBI & P!Benchtrio X Reader

Pronouns: None used/gender neutral

[A/n]: This is a part two of Zombies so if you haven’t read that, I recommend reading it first

It had been a few years since you had joined the small, found family that you now belonged to. The zombies hadn’t completely disappeared, but the numbers had dwindled significantly. Resources that were previously low in number or unavailable had become accessible again.

A few things had changed in the small community your family had built for itself. Techno had started keeping dogs and training them to attack and hunt, Wilbur had nearly mastered explosives, Tommy had started leaving more on expeditions, flying out on his own in search of people or supplies. Tubbo started to build new homes, making room for any new survivors that Tommy comes across, Ranboo had started farming, growing crops as long as possible to ensure that there would be food for everyone, Michael had grown into a fine young man and had taken up treating the injured, his quiet nature limiting him to certain tasks, Phil had taken up teaching the new members how to fight properly and had become the leader of sorts, and you, well you often worked as the community blacksmith. You would fix, clean, sharpen, or even make weapons and tools for your family and the growing number of people in your community. There weren’t many jobs available at the time and despite not knowing much when you started, you had plenty of time to learn.

“Hey (Y/n), are you busy right now?” Your thoughts were quickly shoved to the back of your head as you looked at the person before you. He was a younger man, around the age of Tubbo and Tommy, though he never seemed to hang around them much.

“Ah, Purpled! What can I do for ya?” You set down the ax you had been cleaning and walked towards the front of your area, greeting Purpled with a friendly smile.

“Oh uhm, my ax broke when I was out chopping trees earlier.” He placed said ax onto the small table you had set up, and the damage was clear.

“Hm, I don’t know if I’ll be able to fix it, but I can certainly try. Worst case, I have to make you a new one. How soon will you need it?” Examining the tool, you considered the possibilities, debating what would be easiest and what would be quickest.

“I’ve finished my lot for the day, so tomorrow morning by the latest. Does that work for you?” With your nod of confirmation, Purpled left with a thank you, ensuring he’d be back tomorrow to collect his tool.

The boy had always been a mystery to you. He was roughly the same age as Tommy and Tubbo, yet kept more so to himself. His strength was clear, hence his task of chopping wood, and yet he preferred to not fight. Purpled had also run into a group of other community members prior to them all living here, but had a splitting off with them. There were also very few people he talked to and the only one he seemed to spend any real time with was a man named Ponk.

“You really shouldn’t think so much when you’re working, you’ll lose a finger or two that way.” The words, followed by a light chuckle, had you turning away from your work, mentally cursing yourself for being caught in your thoughts again.

“I’m plenty careful with my work, trust me. Plus aren't explosives just as dangerous?” You poked back at Wilbur, a smile and light laugh echoing back in a manner similar to his.

“They’re only dangerous if you don’t know what you’re doing.” Wilbur gave a pointed look before setting a few things down on your table, the same one Purpled had placed the ax on just moments prior. It was two plates of food and two glasses of water, lunch for you and him.

“You’re eating with me today?”

“Yeah, Techno and Phil are busy, Tubbo and Ranboo are eating together and Tommy’s run off again.” Wilbur pulled out two chairs as you set down the tools you were holding and wiped any remaining dirt off your hands.

“He’s not really running off, he’s just out on expeditions. If it weren’t for him we wouldn’t have nearly as many people living around here as we do now. Plus I think he likes to get out, get away from everyone and forget what kind of crazy world we live in for a while, ya know?” Wilbur only hummed, having already stuffed his mouth full of food.

“All these years and you still eat like Tommy’s trying to steal from you.” Shaking your head and sitting down, you took a moment to drink from your water before eating. The chat between you two was minimal and nothing of importance, mostly talk about new arrivals and how your respective works had been going.

“So, anyone catch your eye lately?” You looked at Wilbur with a suspicious but confused look.

“What do you mean?”

“Oh c’mon, we aren’t five, you know what I mean. Is there anyone you like?” Wilbur watched as you took a moment to think, actually considering the question before answering.

“I’m actually not sure, I haven’t had much of an opportunity to interact with a lot of people, I’m typically tied down with my work I suppose. What about you?” You watched Wilbur sit back defeated, clearly having expected your answer.

“There’s someone but I’m not sure if it’s worth pursuing ya know?” You just nodded, finishing off the last bits of food on your plate before setting it aside. The two of you continued to chat for a few minutes before Wilbur had to leave, taking the dishes with him as he left to his explosives, leaving you alone with your tools and thoughts once more.

Was there anyone who had caught your eye? You had given Wilbur an honest answer but something still bothered you. How could you have let yourself become so buried in your work? Perhaps a day off wouldn’t hurt, it would give you time to really meet people and take in all that your community had become. After all, most of your information and social interaction had come from what Wilbur tells you during lunch, or from people coming by in regards to their tools.

“I have to have this ax done for tomorrow, but other than that I don’t think I’ve got anything to do. Maybe I’ll take tomorrow off, even if it’s only a few hours.”

Taglist: (if you want to be tagged on posts just let me know which posts, you can reach out via message or ask! :])

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somerabbitholes · 3 years

Note

hi! i love ur blog so so much it’s literally the most aesthetic thing ever! i was just wondering if you could please recommend some books to help me get out of a reading slump? any genre i don’t mind! thank you so much and have a blessed day 🤍

hi! thank you so much <33

when i'm in a slump, i generally read fantasy, or essays, or short stories, and here are a few of my favourites that have gotten me out of slumps —

essays:

pop song by larissa pham: semi-memoir, essays on art, intimacy, love; i'm halfway through this, and it has been lovely. i can't wait to finish it and go back and look at all the parts i highlighted

the end of the end of the earth by jonathan franzen: about the end of times, climate change, how we deal with it, how we can deal with it, also a dash of personal essays, they're all excellent; my favourites include the one on 9/11, 'why birds matter', 'missing', the eponymous one, and 'xing ped'

intimations by zadie smith: six essays, short ones, on living in early pandemic 2020; they feel very warm and comforting because they're full of all the anxieties that marked the beginnings of last year

the anthropocene reviewed by john green: essays on the human planet; very wholesome; a relatively quick read, they're short ones

the book of indian journeys by dom moraes (editor): it's an anthology of writings on traveling in india, i like for the collection of authors it brings together, you should look it up

if you feel like fantasy/urban fantasy/scifi:

the licanius trilogy by james islington: i read this early last year, and i was obsessed; starts as a chosen one story about this boy who has augur abilities, but it becomes so much more; very sleek time-travel/loop situations; also looks at free will, choice, destiny

good omens by neil gaiman, sir terry pratchett: this is one of the funniest and the most wholesome-est books i've read; follows an angel and a demon working together to stop the apocalypse; they both share one brain cell between them, and i love them for that; also check gaiman's coraline (be warned, it is creepy); and pratchett's small gods

the hitchhiker's guide to the galaxy by douglas adams: this is the first part, and i would totally recommend them all; it starts with the earth being demolished to make space for an intergalactic highway, only one human escapes, he hitches a ride on a spaceship nearby; utter chaos of a book (affectionate), also very funny

the immortalists by chloe benjamin: follows four siblings who discover the exact dates of their death, and then takes a look at their lives one by one; has interesting things to say about destiny and choice

an absolutely remarkable thing by hank green: about april, who becomes famous overnight after "discovering" an alien installation in new york; it's science fiction, and a really fun read; about human cooperation (or lack thereof), the internet, and the nature of our communication; also the sequel, a beautifully foolish endeavour, is amazing pandemic reading

more than this by patrick ness: a boy drowns to death and finds himself in what he thinks is obviously hell, but things get complicated as time passes; YA scifi, pretty fast-paced

and a few assorted ones:

the lonely city by olivia laing: has there been a time i haven't recommended this? absolutely not. it's about artists who explored art as a means of negotiating isolation and loneliness; blends memoir and art appreciation; very poetic

the dublin murder squad series by tana french also got me out of a slump this year; they're very addictive crime fiction; six books and i thoroughly enjoyed them all; my favourites are the likeness and broken harbour

a man called ove by fredrik backman: follows an old man who has a very meticulously planned schedule, and who is generally grumpy; you're slowly introduced to his past, and it's just a very wholesome story; great if you want light reading

the uncommon reader by alan bennett: it speculates on what would happen if the queen (of england) made a hobby out of reading; it's a day's read, only 50-odd pages, and it's pure fun

the blue umbrella by ruskin bond: another short one, under 200 pages; about a girl who stumbles across a japanese umbrella, and about how her village receives the exoticism of the umbrella; a very fine story

round ireland with a fridge by tony hawks: it's a travelogue, where hawks takes a trip around the perimeter of ireland with a small fridge after losing a bet; it's absurd and engaging, and wild that this really happened

i hope you find something you like!

#book recs #booklr #anonymous #answered #bookstagram #reading list #slump reading

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linktoo · 2 years

Text

MAG S5

You have to understand I really really wanted to like this season. I knew it was a different structure from seasons 1-4 and I LIKED THAT IT WAS, OK???

God. I know people said they didn’t like all of S5 but the beginning was set up so well. As someone who genuinely is not a fan of apocalypses in fiction, they did such a good job with act 1. Jon’s weariness as he learns to figure out his newfound powers but different from S4, as it is much more powerful, and that he has to navigate literal nightmare logic. The tapes he listens to over and over is so poignant. Hearing people in the past and trying to recontextualize it all after everything they’ve been through. The Birthday Tape. The Tim and Sasha comments about Jon being appointed as the archivist being seen as sexist is SO PERFECT it’s so powerful it’s such a natural convo. I’m obsessed. Of course it was taken that way and it turned out it’s just because Jon was chosen by an eldritch being. Dramatic irony at its peak.

And don’t get me started on Gerry and Gertrude. Their back and forth comments are so sly, the fact they hide a lot from each other but engage with each other on the same level. You can see the difference between that and Gertrude and Michael, where there was much more of an unequal power dynamic. Gertrude is not afraid to be herself with Gerry, and it is wonderful.

And FUCK god I was so into the abstract statements. I know people said they didn’t like them compared to the statements from S1-S4 but hoooly fuck I loved them. They were more retrospective and honed on fears more. The fact they had different Writing Structures was so clever, Jonny really focused on the creativity of the statements (at least for the first half of S5). I am seriously not usually one for poetry but it fucked so hard.

My favourites I remember in particular:

1) The stranger (Revolutions/The Merry-Go-Round statement)

wow. the stranger statement is.. wow. it's really good. I'm . I'm really not someone who's good at analyzing poetry on a technical level but the rhythm jonny uses in this.... is really impressive. powerful. draws from that spiralling, ebbing, flowing nature of that fear. I love your slam poetry Jon.

the fear of rapid change. constant. you're forced on the highest highs but lowest lows. you lose sight of who you are you want to stop but you can't and at the end of the day what were you chasing in the first place?

This specifically for the stranger really hones in on the idea of identity and losing parts of yourself and being unable to relate to our own concepts anymore

2) Martin’s Lonely statements (both of them)

A great retrospective on how Martin sees himself

and him desperately but slowly learning little aspects about himself and promptly forgetting and losing himself and over and over. Just very cool.

Martin coming to terms with being glad his mom died is something… very personal. Very specific that I love very much. I wish we got to explore it a bit more outside of his domain.

3) The Web (Strung Out)

"pause for laughter" gets me every time holy fucking shit it's so measured and cold. Neutral

The limbs being hooked in each limb representing every person in their life forcing them to act. Forcing them to be someone they're not. Blood is trickling everywhere. The bottle at the end really bringing back the "addiction is one of the strongest vectors of control there is" in S4.

I think this is the best exploration of the web in S5.

My heart also really ached for Jon’s moments of humanity. His excitement when he realized there was a blind spot to his powers and that he just Doesn’t Know. The fact that he wasn’t allowed to remember the time with Martin in their little oasis break. His little moments of banter with Martin were so sweet.

Now time to get into the issues of S5. It's definitely missing having other characters to bounce off of since there's not A plot + B plot. It's all A plot because it's just Jon and Martin the whole time, and while it's good, it's also difficult to take a break from it all. Martin/Martin in the Lonely and Jon/Helen was a good solution for a bit and the tapes in the very beginning, too. I think it could have been pushed way morem but the structure of S5 makes it inherently very hard to do that.

Martin and Jon were Very Cute in the beginning and middle. Somewhere along the way, I do understand the touches of maintaining a healthy relationship in a high stress situation but something about the last act felt off. I saw people complaining that Jon and Martin bickered way too much and were “incompatible” and I kind of understand what they were getting at? It was all just “I love you” and focus on sacrificing themselves for the other without getting into more nuance, I think. I think especially with ‘new romance’ you have to establish and verify what exactly they are fond of for each other and that’s why it feels so strained later on. It’s why I know some people described S5 as very “pandery” for JonMartin content. It makes me sad because I genuinely think they would work, but the writing does miss it a tiny bit. I’d say OFMD is a good show that properly explores why Ed and Stede work together so well in comparison; honouring the good traits they see in each other that make them so admirable.

I also think it's weird they reset Melanie's whole attitude to Jon back to "I hate him" because the last time he saw her she said she was there for him, that she is a friend. The cult was lackluster too, they were introduced too late into the season then get taken away to raise the stakes

The ending was rough. It was really, really rough, I’d say… episodes 190-200 I think. I can’t quite pinpoint where the concerns in the back of my mind started coming in slowly, but I do know that ep 200 really did it for me. I was seriously forced to realize how little payoff everything had compared to the earlier seasons. It is agonizing to know that all the plot beats were setup, but the execution was… not good.

I think they heavily missed the mark and the catharsis wasn’t there. Anabelle was not as clever as she was set up to be. The idea of the web being the one to set up the tapes takes away from it being Jon’s thing in the end. “Mr. Spider wants more” never really felt earned, it just ended up being kinda spooky and they were never intending to kill Martin anyway. The cult just got taken away off-screen to raise the stakes just as they were introduced to explore prophet “worship”.

Jonah/Elias was no threat at the end, Jon just kills him and that’s that. No fun showdown between Elias and Jon. You don’t even get to the buildup of Jon deciding to take his selfish choice at the end. I liked the statement that comes from how the fears are born, but I just really wanted some more back and forth, more push and pull between Jon and him as the final showdown.

But Elias is just seen as this weak little puppet that Eye uses and Jon is still himself when he takes over as the pupil and Martin just kills him. They don’t even talk about the poetic reason Martin having to kill Jon, the one he loves at the end after being marked with so many fears or anything! It’s just “kill me and we’ll be okay. I hope”. I knew what would happen at the end, I knew it would be open, I knew Martin would kill Jon!!! And yet… it felt so robotic.

There’s no buildup at all to Jon’s decision to betray the rest of the group, it’s just… it’s just so all of a sudden. And it’s hard. It’s hard how abruptly they end and it’s hard how abruptly open it is, especially compared to the catharsis and reveal of S4. Because at the end of the day, TMA is a horror AND mystery podcast and there was basically… just supernatural spooky powers at the end of it, and that’s it. It felt rushed, it felt like the themes explored just didn’t quite hit its mark, and it’s devastating to finish S5 and feel like I’ve just kinda hit a dead end. It didn’t explore the final characters and their humanity and felt like a big rushed fight. I’m seriously still trying to understand my feelings after finishing tma. They said they had planned 200 episodes, starting from the end and yet the end was BY FAR the weakest part of the entire podcast!!! I was reeling for like 5 hours just completely unsure how I even got here!!

It was disappointing, but at the end of the day I will heavily pack up my feelings for tma and still conclude.. It was a good podcast. I don't want to forget what made it loveable and brilliant in the first place.

I just wish I didn’t feel like the ending was as shallow as it felt.

[Masterlist] [1] [2] [3] [4] [5]

(thank you for everyone's nice comments and thoughts, it makes me smile)

#tma #the magnus archives #linktoo rambles #this is a bit messy but this is fresh off the heels of someone who just listened to it for the very first time #I hope I don't sound too harsh

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feathered-serpents · 2 years

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I’ve spoken about a TMA adaptation on this blog before, what I think it might look like etc. but I don’t think I’ve ever actually made a proper post about what would realistically be possible in a TMA adaptation, with Archive 81′s (disastrous) adaptation coming at us at full speed, I want to talk about a TMA adaptation and what that might look like

Here is the biggest thing: We will never see a podcast-accurate TMA adaptation

The Magnus Archives podcast as it is now will never be taken and adapted 100% faithfully to a television medium it just is not possible. I’m not talking about the tapes or the apocalypse or Jonmartin you could still adapt those faithfully I’m talking about the STATEMENTS

The statements, the core of TMA, will not be adapted faithfully, it is impossible.

Each Magnus episode is one statement, this statement is between twenty minutes to half an hour long, each season of Magnus contains forty episodes and there are five seasons for a grand total of 200 episodes. No platform is going to adapt that wholesale. It’s too much money, time, and effort for something that is not guaranteed to be successful, the absolute BEST we could hope for is 12 forty minute episodes split into five seasons. Realistically would probably be 6-8 episodes for the first season if not all seasons and the other four seasons would NOT be guaranteed out of the gate

(Also this isn’t really relevant but I doubt it would be hosted on Netflix. Archive 81 and the Magnus Archives sound VERY similar on paper despite being entirely different in execution and both have the word “Archive” in their title, so Netflix probs wouldn’t take both and if they did... they might change TMA’s name. I know how horrifying that sounds but given that Archive 81 got to keep its name and came first The Magnus Archives might get a title change to avoid confusion, probably nothing super different to still appeal to fans. I’m thinking “The Magnus Institute” is the most likely. So have fun with that let’s get back to this actual post) (I just realized if changed to “The Magnus Institute” the show’s abbreviation becomes TMI and that’s the funniest possible change they could make)

So the statements would have to go, except, they wouldn’t actually. The statements could stay, they would just look drastically different

The statements, the anthology, would becomes the bulk of these 40-60 minute episodes instead of the bulk of a 20-30 minute episode. Which means we would probably see statements either combined into one mega-statement, or get entirely new statements, or most likely some sort of combination of the two. You won’t see Lost John’s Cave adapted, but you might see a girl trapped in a cave with a monster chasing her while the candles and fire are now a MUCH bigger deal to hint at more fear entities at once in a single statement. This is the only way I see to handle statements and it’s unfortunate that without the right writers this could get bloated SO quick, but I do think it is possible for this to work.

It’s kinda gonna depend on your own personal opinion if you hate that or not, but it’s what I think will happen. If TMA gets adapted wholesale with 200 TV episode I will eat a spider. Like. I will order one of those canned edible tarantulas and eat it Now, the statements would be changed drastically, but... what about everything else? The characters? The themes? The events? The relationships?

That could be kept. Untouched

The question is... will it?

We all heard what Netflix did to Archive 81 in erasing a queer protagonists identity, the fear is that it or some other streaming service will do the same thing to TMA. I understand this, we now know that it is a VERY real possibility. But I don’t think it’s guaranteed. It’s going to depend on who gets it and how involved Rusty Quill and Jonny would be in it

I think it is possible to get an adaptation of TMA that still feels like TMA

But it is equally possible to get an adaptation of TMA that feels nothing like TMA

I think TMA is more likely to be accurate if it gets picked up by FX or HBO rather than a streaming service like Netflix, Hulu, Amazon but that’s just a gut feeling I could be talking out of my ass

Of course, what are the chances of a TMA adaptation? I say... wiggly hand gestures. TMA was massively popular in its prime and if, for better or worse, Archive 81 is successful, the chances of TMA getting an adaptation goes up to decent I think. But I don’t know the logistics of how a show gets picked up very well

Finally, do I personally want a TMA adaptation? Yes. Very much so yes. If it has a team behind it who cares I think it could be great, I would like to see that, that’s the adaption I want

But I’m curious to see what other fans’ honest opinions of this are, do you hate the idea regardless? Or do you like me think that a good TMA adaptation is worth hoping for?

Edit: One last thing! It is likely that if TMA is made into a TV show, it will not be Jonny’s decision. At least not entirely, Rusty Quill (Alex) will be the one who ultimately decides and signs off on it I THINK. I could be wrong. But I believe that’s how it would work. I doubt they’d do it without consulting Jonny, but it would not be his decision alone

#tma #the magnus archives #side note surprise 81 got adapted before nightvale #or maybe saying that out loud I shouldn't be

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messers-moony · 3 years

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Wish | F.H

Paring: Five Hargreeves X Wife!Reader

Summary: Five storms out to time travel after an argument with his wife and comes back to an unexpected surprise.

A/N: Five time travels at the age of 26 instead of 13

He was angry, that wasn’t mistaken, “ You aren’t listening to me! “

“ Are you hearing yourself?! What you’re about to do is dangerous! “ She yelled in response, and he scoffed.

They stood in the main room of their apartment. Y/n was placed in the kitchen leaning on the island while Five was dangerously close to the door. Both of them at the age of twenty-five. They had gotten married only a year before finding each other during one of his trips to Griddy’s with his siblings. He thought she was the prettiest thing he had ever seen.

Five stalked closer to her, “ You are so stubborn. “

“ I am the strongest one. “ His voice was dangerously low as they stood only a foot apart, “ I will do this. I don’t care what you say. Nothing will change that. “

“ Five, please. “ Y/n begged, “ I’m- I’m just worried about you. “

“ You don’t need to be. “ Five snapped, and he fast-walked to the door.

The male swung open the door, “ Five wait, please- “ But before she could finish, the door slammed, “ I’m pregnant. “

It was new news. She didn’t find out until a week earlier. She didn’t know when to tell him; there never was a suitable time. Now he had just threatened to fulfill a lifetime goal of his– time travel. Since he was a boy, he’s wanted to prove his worth. The only way Five could think to do that is by time-traveling into the future. He didn’t know what the future would entail. He definitely didn’t plan to get stuck in an apocalypse.

So for nine torturous months, Y/n endured a pregnancy. She was carrying a child of her presumed to be dead husband, which she didn’t believe in the slightest. Five Hargreeves was alive, and she knew that regardless of what anyone told her. She had a baby boy who she named Malachi. The same bright, alluring green as his fathers.

Despite his birth father not being around, Diego was a significant help. Diego stepped in where Five couldn’t. He was there for all of Malachi’s firsts and everything in between. But he was always Uncle Diego. A constant reminder that this man wasn’t his father. As far as the little boy knew, he didn’t have a father.

Things got more tricky as he got older. Malachi realized that a father figure was more common than not, which brought raising questions. She answered to the best of her abilities, but nothing was ever valid. None of her answers could be a hundred percent true because she didn’t know either. It was killing her to see her son this way.

He longed for a father. Wanted nothing more for a father-son relationship. Every birthday, every Christmas, he wished for his father to come home. It was killing Y/n because she understood his pain. The amount of dread, guilt, and sadness.

Maybe if she had told Five sooner, he would’ve never left. The guilt ate away at her. It was like an insect slowly crawling its way under her skin into her bones and nibbling them until they were gone. It didn’t help Malachi was an exact replica of his father. The dark, almost raven hair parted to the side, the glittering green eyes and a defined face.

No matter how long Five was gone, Y/n never took off her rings. She was a married woman until proven otherwise. Malachi had never even seen photos of his father. That was normal to him. All he knew was that his Uncles and Aunts told him he looked the exact same. Despite the same appearances, they had clashing personalities.

Malachi was the sweetest guy you could ever meet. Kind no matter who the person was. Wise beyond his years and intelligent like no other. His strong suit was English while he struggled in math. The irony was amusing. His father excelled in math, but he couldn’t do a two-step equation if he tried.

In the grand scheme of things, this didn’t matter. He got all the way up to high school. He was seventeen, to be exact, in his junior year of school. It was the summer before his senior year, and he couldn’t be more excited. As the years went on, the hope of meeting his father diminished to the point where he didn’t even think about it anymore.

He had his mom, and that’s all that mattered. His mom was his rock, his number one supporter, and his best friend. Malachi loved his mom more than anything and would give anything to keep her safe. Diego had grown to be like a father to him, but it was never the same. Malachi was sitting at the island doing homework while Y/n was cooking.

“ Hey, mom? “ He called, “ Yeah? “ Y/n turned to look at her son.

Malachi fidgeted with the pencil in his hand, “ Can I- Can I see your rings? “

“ My rings? Why? “ She asked, “ Well, dad gave them to you, didn’t he? “ Malachi replied.

Y/n nodded, “ Of course he did. We were married, technically we still are married. “

“ I just wanted to see what dad gave you. “ He murmured.

Hesitantly Y/n twisted both her engagement ring and her wedding ring off her left ring finger. She set them down on the granite island before her son so he could look at them. Gently he picked the engagement ring up and looked at it. It was the only time he’s ever seen the ring this close. She never took them off.

“ We got engaged in the snow. “ Y/n informed quietly, “ I really wasn’t expecting it. He never seemed like one to settle down. “

Malachi listened intently, “ Regardless. It was almost Christmas, and he took me to go Christmas shopping at one of the malls which was outside. “ She chuckled, “ Why he did that, I don’t know, but it was amusing. We got hot chocolate despite his love for coffee, and I made him wear a Santa hat. “

“ He was never into festivities before meeting me. Neither were your Aunts and Uncles. I started making holidays become more festive when you were born. Eventually, they got the hang of it. “ Y/n continued, “ Why was dad's name a number? “ He interjected.

“ He never got a name like the rest of his siblings. “ She answered plainly, “ Why? “

Y/n sighed, “ His father, more specifically your grandfather was a cruel man. Still is a very cruel man, which is why you’ve never met him. Reginald made the Umbrella Academy, where he adopted your dad along with his other siblings. “ She explained, “ They endured long days of training without breaks and horrid living environments. They were treated as experiments rather than children. “

“ They all got names, but Five didn’t want one. He rejected it because it didn’t matter. Name or anything. Their numbers would always define them, and Five was the only one who understood that. “ She finished.

“ What really happened to him? I know you’ve given me vague explanations, but I think I’m ready for the real thing. “ Malachi stated, “ I’m seventeen now. “

“ I know. Your father had powers. His others siblings do as well. They all do certain things. Five could travel through space and time. “ Y/n began, “ Growing up, he always felt the need to prove himself, to be better than everyone else. “

“ So, one day, he told me he was going to time travel. It was a big argument that definitely didn’t need to happen. At the time, I was a week pregnant with you, and I didn’t know how to tell him. “ She swallowed the emotions arising after remembering Five’s glare,

“ When I told him, it was too late. He was already out the door and gone. “

Y/n walked forward and took the rings back. She placed them back on her ring finger carefully as her son watched every movement. He knew she was upset. Malachi couldn’t help but be a bit resentful towards his father. All this to make a point? It seemed far-fetched.

“ That solution seems a bit absurd. “ Malachi commented, “ That's what I was trying to tell him, but he was very prideful and stubborn. “ Y/n replied.

A knock echoed through the apartment. The room felt tense. It wasn’t right; something felt off. Malachi felt it immediately cause he stood up and began walking to the door, wanting to protect his mother if a threat was there. Secretly Diego may have given him some defense classes, but that didn’t matter.

The boy opened the door to see almost the exact same face staring back at him, “ Who are you? “ Malachi snapped.

“ More importantly, who are you? “ The man retorted.

Every hair on Y/n’s body stood up. She knew that voice, and she knew that tone. It was him. He was back. It took everything inside her not to scream or cry but seeing Malachi hold his defensive stance against his own father was worrying her.

“ Malachi. “ She called, and he turned to her as she began to walk to the door, “ I need you to go to your room and promise not to eavesdrop. “

He wanted to protest, “ Please, sweet. I’ll be okay. I promise. “

Reluctantly Malachi backed away from the door giving the man a harsh glare that made the man evidently tense. Y/n waited for Malachi to be fully retreated in his bedroom before looking at the man in front of her.

“ Well. It looks like you’ve moved on. “ Five murmured, “ No- please. It isn’t what it looked like. “ She pleaded.

Her hand took his, and he recognized the rings on her finger. The same rings Malachi had just been examining. The same rings he took months to search for to find the perfect fit for his perfect girl. Everything seemed so colorful in his greyscale world now. His wife was still his.

“ Who- Who is he? “ His voice trembled as his lingering suspicion felt more accurate than ever, “ Come in and sit. We need to talk. “ Her voice was gentle and held no malice.

Five entered the now unrecognizable apartment. It wasn’t the same as when he left. In fact, everything seemed moved out of place. Y/n walked to the stove and turned off the burner that she was using. Five had peered at the papers on the island that were math worksheets and took a seat beside them.

“ Where did you go? “ She asked, “ The future. “

“ No shit. What did it look like? “ Y/n retorted playfully, “ It’s not as I hoped. It’s an apocalypse, love. “ His voice held so much pent emotion it was almost radiating off him.

She sighed, “ Okay. We need to talk about that- “

“ I- I want to know who that kid is. “ Five interrupted, and she gave him a knowing look, “ Malachi, can you come out here. “ Y/n called, and instantly he was out of his room.

The boy stood beside his mom, still not comfortable with the unfamiliar man. This time Five got a chance to really look at the teenage boy in front of him. The defined face, the almost raven hair, the same sage green eyes. His posture was protective and territorial, obviously for his mom.

“ Y/n… “ Five began as he swallowed the tears in his throat, “ Is- Is he mine? “

She nodded, “ Five Hargreeves, I’d like you to meet your son, Malachi Hargreeves. Malachi, I’d like you to meet your father, Five. “

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hellsfirekeepsyouwarm · 2 years

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Personal Apocalypse

So here is my first ever Frank Castle story. Daredevil really get me into writing again, dark questionable vigilantes does that to me. I hope this reaches the audience, it would like to have some feedback. This wasn't a request, i was just obsessed with the thought of Frank Castle on my couch needing a helping hand (no spice this time, srry).

Frank Castle X Reader

TW: Blood, injuries

This was your end. Your very own personal apocalypse. He was. He made sure you never forget his face crunched up in pain, his eyes shining in the dim kitchen light, his rough hands finding your thigh when the needle in between your fingers sinks into his skin. You’ve done this too many times to count. Patching him up, tending to his old and new wounds like your life depended on it. In some sense it did.

This night wasn’t different. Blood already dried on your hand, mixing with fresh when you hopped from injury to injury. This time? Knives. Last time? You didn't even asked. It looked bad, too bad to suffer under your inexperienced hands, hell, even he could do it himself better. But he showed up anyway. He was too tired to do it, or simply didn't wanted to.

“One day, you are going to bleed out on my couch Castle.” He chuckled deeply, like it’s something to laugh at. His voice fills the otherwise quiet room.

“I wish.” That’s all he says, his head resting on back of the soft leather, his eyes are closed, heavy dark circles deepening around them in the fair light the kitchen lamp gives. The new reading lamp serving you right, illuminating his abdomen where you worked soundless.

“There’s nothing funny about this.” You whisper bitterly.

“Sweetheart, I won’t die on you, I promise” A sincere smile displaying on his cheeks shows that he’s enjoying this too much.

“Yeah, and how those promises worked out for me so far?” His face turns serious, he knows very well you’re done with his shit. At least at the moment.

His silence speaks volumes, it’s louder than any other word he said to you. You stopped kidding yourself a long time ago, you know very well who he is, and you won’t try to change that. You love him, for who he is, not for who he can be. But on night like this, you forget it. When all you can see is blood, flesh and pain.

“I’m serious Frank. We should come up with a plan, just in case. I can do stitches, but I can’t stop internal bleeding. I’m not a magic nurse or some shit. “

“You’re the best I've got.” He says with a grin on his face, his fingers drawing circles on your bare leg.

“No pressure.” If that’s true, he’s screwed. Big time. “I think i'm done.” You clear the damaged skin around the stitch before you cover it with gauze.

“Thank you Y/N” You manage a shy smile for him, then you head to the sink, your nostrils filled with the smell of blood and alcohol you used. Hands are covered in his blood, tinting the water just as much red as it is on your fingers. You feel dizzy, the thought itself makes you lightheaded. You are no stranger to blood and nasty things, but damn, when it’s his, you lose your sanity so quickly.

You scrubbing your skin away with his blood, but it won't come off. The water is hot, the brush is sturdy against your hand but the water is still red. You look like a maniac, trying to get rid of the very last drop of his blood, before you faint. From the spinning in your eyes, from his scent on you, or the images of him battered and beaten up.

The next moment, big hands are on top of yours, hissing from the hot temperature, his breath fanning over your temple. You feel him on your back, legs touching yours, arms collecting you in his embrace. He's massaging your hands in a fresh towel, you let your head fall back on his chest, only focusing in his movements. He buries his face in the crook of your neck. Lips moving against the delicate skin, his stubble leaving tiny burning sensations all over, and in another case, you would giggle and laugh at how tingly it feels. But now you are just exhausted.

"It's okay love. It's okay." He whispers. You are not sure if he wants to convince you, or himself. It doesn't matter, tonight you just might believe him. It's easier to just give in to it, to him. His calm moves stops your erratic trembling arms.

He puts the once white towel to the side, letting you go just for a second, before taking you into a crushing hug. Hugs like this are rare, and you cherish it with your whole heart. You can never know if it's the last time you feel him this close.

"What's going on in that stubborn head of yours?" He murmurs, his voice vibrating on your skin, rings through your whole body.

"You." You say simply. There was a time when you felt awkward admitting it to him, but not anymore.

No words for respond, just light kisses along the way of your jaw, down to your neck, settling on your shoulder. The loose t-shirt hanging off gives him easy access to the soft skin.

He's gentle, and it almost makes you laugh out loud how crazy it sounds. Frank Castle is the most ruthless man you have ever met or heard of. Still, he holds you in his arms like you are made out of glass. Sometimes you think you might shatter like glass, but he's there to hold you together.

He sighs, dragging you out of the haze, your eyes flatter open, focusing on your red stained fingers. You leave the warmth of his body, you let yourself to be a little vulnerable, and you are not sure can take more of that tonight.

"I need a bath." You say under your breath. You try to step away from him, but he has no intentions to move, or letting you out of his arms.

"Hey, no, not that fast. Talk to me." He spins you around, deep brown eyes trying to read your mind, palms keeping you in place on your waist. Talk? Frank Castle and talking. For once, you are the one, who does not want to talk.

You can't take your eyes of off the scar on his lips he busted a couple of weeks ago. He was a pain in the ass with it, complaining about how he can't eat because of it. The memory of him sitting at your small dinner table, looking at the lasagna fresh out of the oven, thinking how he can consume the food without touching the cut. It wasn't the pain that bothered him, he barley felt it. It was the blood that started pooling out every time he touched it.

Your fingertips touches the corner of his upper lip, brushing the healed gash.

"Are you hungry?" You ask, voice way more smaller you thought it would be.

A smile appears on his lips, eyes taking in every inch of your face, like he's trying to memorize the details. Your hands finds their way up to his neck, steadying your body against his.

"Mhmm." He mumbles, licks the little scar you are fixated on, and with that, pushes down his lips to yours. His fingers digs into your skin on your hips and waist, while yours finds their way to his hair, leaving soft scratches along the way, the texture of his hair pleasingly slipping through your fingers. He moans into your mouth, pulling you closer. If that's even possible.

Air leaves your lungs, then he is the air. You would pass out before breaking away from him, so he does it for you. You are out of breath, almost panting, bathing in his dark energy that slowly but surely seeps into your skin and mind. His forehead rests on top of yours, your inhale and exhale happening simultaneously.

"Now i'm starving." He breaks the silence, and you can't help but laugh, giving him an ear to ear smile.

Gosh, he was your end.

#frank castle x reader #frank castle oneshot #frank castle imagine #the punisher x reader #the punisher imagine #frank castle #the punisher #joe bernthal #daredevil #marvel

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chemicalpink · 3 years

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Pairing: Jungkook x Female reader

Words: 4.7k

Genre: smut, angst, fluff if you squint really hard, childhood friends to lovers AU

Warnings: unprotected sex, bathroom sex, infidelity, JK is a heartthrob that is bad at feelings, YN realises she’s been in love with JK all along.

A/N: this is me trying to write longer fics, I liked how this one came out yayyy. This goes out to the @thebtswritersclub monthly prompt _____ to lovers, in this case it’s childhood friends to lovers. I just- I really liked how it came out, I’m so excited to know what you guys think of it.

Summary: Falling in love is such a curious thing in life, Jungkook would know best, after pinning over you for years on end, only to have his best friend take away his opportunity, or does he?

The sun was shining brightly over the park as you made your way down the slide, hot skin scorching at the contact with the yellow plastic, although you couldn’t bring yourself to care as much as your mother would, meeting Sungho at the end of it, who was covering his eyes as best as his arms would allow him to do, summer was almost coming to an end and you two had decided to spend every single second of it together, much to both of your mothers’ dismay who had long decided to take turns to tire both of you out by the neighbourhood park, nothing too exciting, if it weren’t for your young imaginative minds combined, which turned you into the closest a six year old could get to being a menace.

As you smiled brightly at your friend, you couldn’t help but turn your head towards an almost inaudible whimper coming from the shaded side of the park, finding a kid around your age plopped down by the tree, desperately drying his eyes with the back of his hand, small sobs coming out of his lips as three other kids, which you knew to be a little older than you and quite disrespectful at that, kept laughing at the boy, so really, what else were you supposed to do if not come in to save the day. “Come on Y/N they’ll make fun of us too” Sungho said as he tried to tug you away, only to have you stand your ground firmly

“If they make fun of me, I won’t cry” you crossed your arms stubbornly over your chest

“Y/N let’s just go”

“You go, Sungho” Sungho was always the type of kid that your mother kept reminding you to be more like, always righteous, never picking fights like you were known to do, but you really couldn’t stand watching the mysterious kid crying by himself while no one else did anything in the slightest. So you stood between him and the three kids that were still making fun of him, head high, fists up by your sides in a superhero pose “You shouldn’t make fun of others”

“Why don’t we make fun of both of you then, Y/N?”

“At least I can put my shirt shirt when I’m dressing myself, Areum” the girl looked down for half a second before staring you down, full of rage before huffing and turning around in true mean girl fashion.

You turn back to find a pair of bambi eyes staring at you, sobs silenced, although his chest still showed him trying to fully catch his breath. You extend your hand for him to take it so that he could stand up “I’m Y/N what’s your name?”

“I’m Jungkook” you were quick to grab his arm and pull him to where Sungho had watched the whole scene with Areum, now staring at the way you dragged the slightly shorter boy towards him

“Well Jungkook, this is Sungho and I just decided that all of us three are going to be best friends forever” the small boy smiled at that, bunny teeth showing in the process, eyes sparkly with wonder and pure appreciation, contrasting the look on Sungho’s face.

“Y/N I think you need to have girl friends to have these sleepovers with, Jungkook and I are boys” Sungho says as soon as you pass him the mirror and he is left staring at his reflection with a ton of glitter eyeshadow on his face, you turn to look at Jungkook, who is currently sprawled out playing with his nintendo, a set of pigtails adoring his head along with the hottest pink lipstick you could find

“I don’t mind it” he stuffed his mouth with chips as he continued to play on his console, not sparing any of you a look, although you smiled at him fondly, grateful to have him play along whenever Sungho didn’t feel like it, which seemed to be more and more as all of you grew older.

“Well I’m going to take this off” he said as he ran into the bathroom to wash his face. Good luck trying to get rid of glitter.

You huffed out a sigh at how boring it was getting if Sungho didn’t like to play your games, along with Jungkook being stuck inside his own little world. “This is so boriiiing”

“It was your idea Y/N”

“Yeah but you guys are no fun”

Jungkook pauses his game to turn to look at you “We can watch a movie if you’d like”

If someone were to tell 6 year old you that twelve years later, the kid that used to make fun of you would turn into your best friend, you would have probably laughed in their face, although as years went by, Areum had finally gotten better in terms of personality, up to the point where she had a full on talk with you before you decided to give it a try, even more so as she now took it as her job to protect you in high school, seeing as she was a year older than you.

“Jungkook has changed” the brunette said while taking a seat next to you inside the cozy smoothie shop, crumpling up her receipt inside her bag distractedly as you just stared at her, not knowing what had prompted her to talk about your best friend, Jungkook wasn’t exactly what one would consider popular, especially amongst the higher grades, especially not given the bickering grudge he held against Areum after all those years.

“What do you mean?”

“Just- seems like before summer he was this scrawny little thing, deer eyes, soft smiles” you looked at her intently, Jungkook had gone on vacation with his family for weeks as soon as finals were over, leaving with the promise of hanging out for the few days before school started again, similar to how you were now hanging out with Areum, her having arrived back a few hours before Jungkook “Now- well”

There were a million thoughts running inside your mind, some seemingly more plausible than others, tow hich yopu found yourself asking “Areum, did you fuck Jungkook?”

“I mean- we were both staying at the same hotel Y/N” Areum sipped on heir smoothie as a way to act coy about it, wide eyes turned the other way at the prospect of having said out loud that her latest conquest was none other than little Jungkook, the guy she had always made fun of for one or another reason

“Oh god you slept with Jungkookie” and you really tried to picture her, accepted into college, beautiful Areum, long lean legs, model faced Areum, flirt queen that always seemed to go for older guys Areum, paired up with sweet Jungkookie, sure, your best friend was cute, handsome even, there was no denying it, he was just not- Areum level handsome, Areum liked going out to party, let men shower her in drinks while Jungkook absolutely loved staying home battling Sungho in the newest video game that was around “I-I have no words”

“Y/N- Y/N don’t judge until you’ve tapped it” your friend seemed to space out for a second, as if looking back at her time with Jungkook, dreamily. “The guy got buff”

And sure he did, not only did Jungkook was now full of muscle, he also apparently had renewed his wardrobe, bought a motorcycle and apparently had even grown a few centimeters taller, or at least that much was said by Sungho as you three met up for lunch the day before classes started again, trying to catch up as you did every year when the three of you didn’t get a chance to hang out much.

“So are we getting that newly released game Kook?” Sungho mentioned in what appeared to be the background, your eyes completely fixated on whomever the man sitting in front of you was, definitely not your best friend Jungkook.

“Nah dude, I sold all my consoles and games to buy my bike” your eyes widened at the confession, probably mirroring the uttermost shocked look that Sunho was also sporting. Jeon Jungkook selling his videogames was definitely a sign of the apocalypse. You were about to make a comment before you heard a very familiar voice behind you, making you turn your head towards it.

“Jungkookie, you wanted me to come over?” her eyes had that sparkle in them which you have come to recognise as her being infatuated by someone, even if she didn’t really talked about it openly, you turned towards Jungkook in disbelief

“Yeah, Areum, lose my number”

You consciously close your mouth at the exchange as Areum backed away from the table muttering an ‘oh..okay’ as Jungkook smiled daily at her, your eyes lock in surprise with Sungho’s, both of you silently agreeing that this Jungkook was certainly a new side neither of you could yet guess whether or not you would continue to be able to befriend, although the history between the three of you spoke volumes.

And just like that, enough to get whiplash from it, Jungkook’s lazy uninterested eyes were replaced by the squinty smile you had learned to adore over the years, bunny teeth showing as his laugh resonated in the restaurant “Oh god you guys should have seen your faces!”

Your eyes travelled along the expanse of the space you three were in, looking at Sungho for a clue to pick up about what was happening, coming up empty handed as he spoke first “Dude I almost had a heart attack, I thought you had sold your games!”

“Oh no that I did” Jungkook took a sip out of his drink calmly

You tried not to show how nothing made sense in your mind “And that thing with...Areum?”

He placed his cup down, looking at you with wide eyes humming softly “Yeah that was a thing too, she’s been texting me non stop after we hooked up. I’m just glad I’m back with you guys”

So Jungkook had changed, that much was true, just not as much as he let people believe. Sure enough, the guy was now pure muscle, rode a bike everywhere, and made it his lifeplan to conquer as many girls as his schedule allowed him too; he also made a few other friends outside of your friends' circle, enough for rumours to go around about him being involved in shady business, or him hooking up with somebody’s mum. Either way, if you were to turn a blind eye to his social persona, Jungkook was still your and Sungho’s little Jungkookie, bambi wide eyes that teared up whenever it was movie night and you picked some chick flick, bunny teeth and loud giggles as he played a prank on Sungho, even though you could tell his heart just wasn’t in it as it was before.

“I’m gonna ask Y/N out” Sungho has asked Jungkook to meet him outside of campus on the first weeks of college as all three of you decided to attend together, uninterested on whatever it was that he was about to tell him, but trying to keep up his fractured friendship with the man (and you) he had shown up, even so a little fashionably late to make his point clear.

“And you’re telling me this because..”

“I don’t want to make it awkward, Jeon” Jungkook scoffs before rolling his eyes at Sungho “Don’t think I haven’t noticed you little boy crush on her for years”

“What I think you haven’t noticed is that I don’t do feelings” Jungkook retorts as he approaches him “And although I find Y/N to be quite fuckable if you ask me, I appreciate her enough not to put her in a weird place like you’re about to do, asshole”

Once weeks rolled around, things kept on being as the were after that fateful summer where Jungkook completely reinvented himself, even as semesters came and went, Jungkook grew a bit more separate from both Sungho and yourself, although it became a little harder to discern whether it was because of Jungkook or due to the fact that Sungho and you had started dating during the first semester of college. Sungho had no real answer to give you when asked about it, saying that outside of the scheduled movie night you three kept on sharing, he barely even texted Jungkook on his own.

“I heard your girl is getting married” his friend said as he handed him an opened beer, taking his place back against his bike in the middle of the night after some race they had gone to near the outskirts of Seoul.

Jungkook took a swing out of the bottle, squinting at the questionable choice in alcohol “I don’t have a girl Jihoon”

“Oh? Then what’s Y/N?'' he felt the blood draining from his face, heart heavy, breath hitching inside his throat as soon as your name left his lips. Of fucking course Sungho would try to marry you before you graduated. That bastard.

It was quite funny really, Jungkook knew from the very start, back when all three of you had 6 years old and you had saved him from a set of mean kids in the park, that Sungho was never fond of him, or rather, of the relationship you had developed with him, sure, the two men had bonded over a few shared interests as they grew up, but the only thing that kept them together was you. Sometimes Jungkook guesses it could have been him instead of Sungho, asking you out, sharing nights together, even being about to get married. But those thoughts were only wishful thinking, he had long ago decided that you deserved so much more than what he could give you, what with his eternal fear and inability to give himself up to others. So he had let you go, never thinking about the possibility of Sungho taking a place he wasn't worthy of either.

"Good for her"

It wasn't long after learning that you were engaged, that the invitation arrived to his apartment, just a few days after graduation. It wasn't really a surprise anymore, even back when he first heard the news, it wasn't that surprising, he guessed it was the years of knowing both you and Sungho, learning your patterns, that he had somehow seen it coming. It didn't make it any less hard to wish you weren't about to walk down the aisle to a man that wasn't him though. But he kept repeating to himself to stop being selfish, he had lost his chance, not that he ever had one to begin with, but as long as you were happy, he would be too.

And you really did seem happy, so he was willing to just ignore the way that his chest seemed to constrict every time your eyes locked on his from across the room as the rehearsal dinner, you were sporting a gorgeous emerald dress, the same colour as when you two first met eighteen years back, his mind spinning with impossible scenarios as each minute that passed really just turned out to be a minute closer to watch you walk down the aisle to another man, one that was supposed to be his best friend at that.

“Bride’s or groom’s” A sweet female voice called him as he sipped on his fifth? sixth? champagne flute, finding a woman staring at him with what he has come to recognise as lust.

“Eh.. you could say both”

A glimpse of recognition could be seen in her eyes before she spoke again “You must be Jungkook then, the overseeked bachelor”

“In the flesh” He smirked at her as she took a hold of his hand, guiding him upstairs to where you and your soon to be husband had booked bridesmaids and groomsmen alike for the night. Not that the blonde had anything to do with how utterly horrible he was feeling about the whole wedding situation but perhaps fucking his frustrations out would help just a little.

Jeon Jungkook was never the one to stick around until morning, that much was true, and although he might be known for a varying of unspeakable things, nothing could have prepared him for what he had to witness at ungodly hours.

He picked up the rest of his clothing after half dressing himself, not even sparing a second glance at the woman that was laying on her bed peacefully, careful not to make more sounds than the inherently necessary, his curiosity is peaked as he hears faintly moaning and skin slapping skin coming from the room next door, seeing the door barely open, and against his better judgement he peeks inside only to feel his heart pounding against his chest, blood rushing inside his ears as he can’t seem to look away from the image presented to him. Sungho, your soon to be husband, the one that he used to consider his best friend for years on end, the oh so righteous Sungho, ever morally correct Sungho, bending your other so-called best friend and maid of honour, Areum, over the comforter as he fucked into her. A few hours before he got married to you. After everything that he had put him through, making him believe that it was in your best interest top let you go, that he should have handed you over to him, that he was the best option out of the two of you to build a life with.

Jungkook sees red and doesn’t quite remember anything other than Areum running out of the room as he punches Sungho in the face, receiving some punches back.

“You absolutely disgust me”

The bastard has the guts to laugh at him “You know, Jeon” he goes to inspect his face in the mirror “If you burst Y/N’s bubble, you’ll forever be remembered as the stupid little boy that was jealous enough on her wedding day to ruin her life”

Jungkook clenches his fists by his side before deciding to turn his heels and leave the room, vision still blurry in anger, breathing ragged, a small trickle of blood making its way down from his eyebrow as he almost automatically walked himself to the other side of the hostel where he knew you must have been resting, taking a few too many second to decide to knock on the door.

“Jungkook? What are you- oh god” sleep seems to leave you as soon as your eyes lock on his beat up face, him smiling at you in a futile attempt to have you not worry that much about his well being, but of course you were already searching for a first aid kit as he took a seat on your bed “Jungkookie, what happened?”

And perhaps he didn’t think it through that much, but he couldn’t let you walk yourself into a marriage blinded by the persona Sungho had always made you believe he was. “Y/N” he took your hands in his, stopping you from rubbing any more antiseptic into his cut “You’ll hear,a nd probably have already heard, too much shit about me”

His eyes beg you to stare at him intently, and although the whole scenario had you giggling out of nervousness, it soon died down “Kook, what are you talking about?”

“Y/N- Sungho is not the man he’s made us think he is” your eyes scan his face for any more clues on what he’s saying a syou feel a beeping sound closing in on your ears, overwhelmed by the situation “And he’ll probably say this is me just being a jealous asshole after being in love with you for more than half of my living years but-”

You stare at him in horror as your hands remove themselves from his hold as if he was burning, standing up from where you were seated next to him, feeling your whole world being crushed down a few hours before what was supposed to be the happiest day of your life “No” you take a step back as you hold your chest, feeling hot tears welling up in your eyes “Jungkook please don’t do this shit to me”

“Y/N just- don’t marry Sungho” somehow he had willed his voice to remain calm

Your head shook fervently at him, as if somehow the action would make him retreat his words “Sungho loves me, Jungkook”

His eyes were ice cold at your words “He loves you enough to fuck Areum a few hours before making you his wife”

He really didn’t mean the bite on his words as he said them, this had nothing to do with you and everything to do with that asshole you called finacé, so he could completely understand when through your tears, chest heavy with rage and head spinning you asked “Please leave”

And he did.

Everything seemed like a fever dream. The words that Jungkook had said, the implication that it had. And really, if it weren’t for the fact that Jungkook was gone from the whole ordeal, you could have sworn your life that it was nothing other than a nightmare, Areum was as bubbly as ever, helping you get ready. Sungho’s good morning text still found its way into your inbox. Jungkook had not only accused you fiancé of cheating, but had said he had always been in love with you, no further proof to his words, so you decided to go as planned, yet you found yourself hyper aware of every move Sungho made, especially when they involved Areum.

You stood in your pristine white dress in front of a couple dozens of guests as traditional words were spoken, your mind a thousand miles away as you kept on looking towards the door, hoping that maybe, just maybe, they would open up, Jungkook would show up and stop you from making what could potentially be the worst mistake of your life.

"If anyone objects to the marriage, speak now or forever hold your peace." your eyes trail to the soor, yearning to hear Jungkook’s voice amidst the otherwise silent chapel, but it never came.

“Hey, Y/N come dance with us,” one of your bridesmaids say as the night progresses after dinner, some loud beat taking over the venue at the reception, making everyone stand up to dance, including your now-husband as you find yourself sulking sitting on your designated table.

“I’m fine, you go” you try to flash her the biggest smile you can as she goes, leaving you once again with your thoughts. Thoughts that mainly involved Jungkook, figuring that after all these years, life had managed to finally separate you, heart yearning to have him close to you, the more you became aware of your current life path, the more you realised what a humongous mistake you had made. You had always thought that marrying Sungho would give you a sense of utter happiness, of fulfillment, whether what Jungkook said was true or not, as you watched your husband having the time of his life without you. If he were Jungkook, he would be seated right by your side.

Jeon Jungkook, as deviated as he appeared to be to everyone, as much as he slept around, he had demonstrated to be the most loyal human being by your side up until the last second of your friendship, unlike Sungho, he had always been interested in what you wanted to do, had always let your voice be heard, had helped you through rough times when Sungho was nowhere to be seen, perhaps you had chosen the wrong best friend to fall in love with a few years ago, the wrong man in your life to marry. It had been Jungkook all along. It could have been Jungkook all along.

Your eyes fixate on the way that Sungho whispers something on Areum’s ear and you feel your blood boil, more out of self-pity and annoyance at letting such a man manipulate you rather than jealousy as you stand up to make your way to the bathroom, in hopes of freshening up before coming up with a plan to fix this mistake.

You sigh as you hold yourself up by the sink, looking at yourself in the mirror, pondering just how deep you’ll have to dig to come out of the mess when you hear an all too familiar deep chuckle behind you “So you realised”

You turn your back to the mirror to face Jungkook “That Sungho was an asshole or that I’m in love with you?”

His eyes turn into those deeply surprised deer shape you remember from when he was younger for a split second before they’re filled with something else between lust and deep appreciation as he backs you up further against the sink, a tattooed hand coming up to your chin “Does that mean I get to kiss you with no regrets now?”

“Would you kiss a married woman, Jungkook?” you ask playfully, matching the brattiness in his tone

“Only the ones whose husbands are assholes” and so his lips capture yours in a sweet quick kiss that has you wrapping your arms around his neck, leaning in once again, escalating from a very much due kiss filled with words that are unable to be said, into a fiery pit in the low of your stomach at the prospect of kissing Jungkook while still being in your wedding dress, just a few hours married and kissing another man.

Jungkook’s hands have abandoned their place on your figure in favour of trying to undo the little buttons on the back of your dress, breaking the kiss to complain “God just how many buttons does this dress have?”

Soon enough your dress lays forgotten on the floor, matching lingerie covering your body as Jungkook has most of your body up against the mirror, panties aside in favour of having him fingering you, arms almost failing to keep you upright as he mouths at your skin, moans escaping your lips regularly as he pumps and curls his fingers inside you, lewd noises taking reverbating on the small bathroom’s walls, a faint trail of bass coming in from the party “God you’re so perfect Y/N” he grunted as you heard his zipper coming down before feeling the tip of his cock teasing your entrance, his hand coming up to grip your hair making you face the mirror, makeup completely wrecked, the sight almost unrecognisable to you, a slight burning but pleasurable sensation on your scalp “I bet that bastard Sungho wouldn’t be able to wreck you like this” without further notice entering you from behind, your walls clenching against him as you felt him slowly but firmly making his way in and out of you at a building rapidly pace, a moan slipping past your lips and Jungkook shushing you in exchange as he increases his speed and you bit your lip to forbid any noises from coming out, afraid of being heard even when you knew it would be almost impossible to do so over the loud party noises, this bathroom being so far away from it.

Jungkook had placed your right leg up the sink, hitting an even deeper spot that had you building your orgasm at an incredible speed, throwing your head back in pleasure, feeling him completely inside you as heat pooled in your lower belly.

“K-Kook I’m gonna-ah! I’m gonna cum” a few flicks on your clit with his expert fingers as he helped you keep yourself upright did the trick as Jungkook made sure to somehow thrust even deeper, a loud moan scaping you as he spilled his warm seed inside you, quickly adjusting back his boxers and trousers as one of his fingers collected some cum that was dripping down your thigh to push it back in, letting go of you to hold yourself up against the sink, pulling your panties back in place.

“Think that counts as a wedding gift?” he turns to leave the bathroom, leaving you heaving to haphazardly step inside your dress as you trail behind him, finding him resting against a wall, his bike roaring a few meters away as he smiles your way knowingly as he puts on his helmet, throwing another one your way "So.. all ready to leave that asshole of a husband now or should I wait another 15 years?"

#thebtswritersclub #kwritersworldnet #ksmutclub #bangtanarmynet #bts smut #btscreatorscorner #jungkook smut #jungkook imagines #bts imagine

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latte-fairytaekwoon · 3 years

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Church (Choi San) Rated

Pairing: Choi San × Reader (Female)

Genre: Smut, Angst, Fluff, College AU, Friends to Enemies(?), Enemies to Lovers (?)

Summary: He used to be her best friend until he abandoned not only his childhood beliefs, but her in the process. One night, he decides to show her a glimpse of what she's been missing out on. Inspired by Chase Atlantic's Church .

Word Count: 6.3+K

Warnings: Mentions of religious beliefs, brazen college parties, allusions to alcohol/nicotine intake, body insecurity (reader has small breasts), oral (female receiving), fingering, nipple play, body worship/praise, slight cumplay, multiple orgasms, unprotected sex (always use protection), slight corruption kink, inexperienced reader, experienced San. (Probably forgot something)

Taglist: @little-precious-baby @yunhoiseyecandy @yunhofingers @galaxteez @brie02 @deja-vux @a-soft-hornytiny @multidreams-and-desires @couchpotatoaniki @daniblogs164 @yunsangoveryonder @minhyukmyluv @nanamarkie

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The infamous rebel let out a pernicious snicker when he saw the serene and usually proper former acquaintance walk in his direction.

"Are my eyes deceiving me or is that really the pastor's prissy little daughter out past her bedtime in a college party?" He found the situation much too amusing that he just had to point it out.

"I have a name you know." The female he was referring to halted in her steps to turn her head and give him an unkind and unfriendly look.

"You have several, actually. There's goody two shoes, priss, prude, prig-"

"Oh shut the fuck up Choi San." She scoffed as she began walking away from him, already feeling annoyed by his presence.

The man trailed after her, his face donning a shocked expression as he flailed his arms around in a dramatic way.

"Guys it's happening! The apocalypse is really here if L/N Y/N has not only attended a wild party full of debauchery, but her mouth has actually uttered out cursed words!" He shouted out, the other attendants either joining in laughing at her or ignoring him in favor of the bottles or sticks in their fingers.

"I'm surprised you even know what that word means." She turned to look at him with a mocking smile, arms crossed over her chest.

"Please, I know a lot more than you have ever pretended to know." He clicked his tongue, elbow coming up to rest on the wall next to him.

"Is that why you turnt corrupt and abandoned everything you believe in?" She couldn't help but spat back at him.

"Hey at least I was honest and didn't hide it like you people who lead double lives. Preaching one thing but living the total opposite. You're all nothing but a bunch of hypocrites." The venom in his voice was unmistakable, nose scrunching up in disgust as he remembered gross sins he had more often than not had witnessed from people who claimed to be pure and holy.

"I do not lead a double life." She remarked.

"Oh really? Then why the hell are you here in a college party? Full of alcohol, drugs and walking STDs? Riddle me that princess." His foot tapped against the floor, patiently awaiting an answer from her.

Y/N swallowed the non existent lump in her throat and turned her gaze to the floor in embarrassment.

"I just wanted to see what it was like. Just once." She admitted begrudgingly, the man in front of her chuckling lowly.

"Well you sure are going to have a lot to confess on Sunday to your dad. Silly girl, walking into the lion's pit like this." He jeered at her.

"Don't get ahead of yourself. Just because I came here doesn't mean I've done anything morally wrong." She counteracted his words to which he only snorted.

"Yet."

Tired of his overly obnoxious attitude, Y/N spun on her heel to get away from him, but she spun so carelessly and fast that she ended up bumping into another classmate who unfortunately was holding a full cup of beer that ended up being doused all over her white blouse.

"Oops! Sorry, my bad." He excused himself, looking completely unapologetic about the situation.

Meanwhile Y/N looked absolutely horrified as she took in the drenched state of her shirt that now had the stench of alcohol on it. The fact San was bursting out in giggles only served to make her even more mad.

"Now tell me how do you plan on explaining that to dear old-"

"Can it San or I swear I'll gauge your eyes out." She threatened him as she stormed out the building, not caring that she bumped into a few figures on her way out.

Feeling just a bit of empathy for his old friend, San sighed softly before following after her. Upon catching up to her, he took hold of her wrist and started dragging her in the opposite direction.

"Hey! Get your filthy hands off me! I will not hesitate to scream!" She tried tugging her arm away.

"Calm down I'm not planning on kidnapping or anything like that sweetheart. I'm taking you back to my car."

She let out a dry laugh at that.

"But that's not kidnapping?" She raised an eyebrow at him.

"I have a spare shirt in the backseat that you can change into. Unless you wanna go home smelling like PBR." He looked back to see the mess one more time, lips curling up into a smirk.

Against her better judgment, she allowed him to take her all the way where his car was parked, standing there quietly as San rummaged through the backseat before taking out a clean plain white tshirt and held it out to her.

"Here. Put it on."

She looked at him with a face that asked if he was stupid.

"Well what?" He asked.

"Oh yes..I'm totally going to strip in a middle of the street and let anyone passing by see." She rolled her eyes at him.

"Oh for fuck's sake, there's nobody here, nobody is going to see and frankly I don't think anyone cares about seeing your non existent boobs." He scorned at her as he gestured to her chest.

"Ok rude and uncalled for." She felt slightly hurt by his comment, having always been somewhat insecure about the size of her chest.

"Don't look." She warned him.

"Not like I want to." He jeered at her as he turned away to not only give her privacy, but to also serve as a lookout for anyone that might accidentally show up and see the scene. He could hear her behind him tearing off her clothes and then slipping it back on.

"Ok there. I'm done." Y/N announced as she stuffed the soiled shirt into her bag.

"Not even a thank you?" San pouted slightly, to which Y/N gave a feigned smile.

"Thanks."

With that said and done, she brushed past him and started walking away, absolutely done with the night.

"Careful not to get caught sneaking back inside your house." She heard San say from behind.

"For your information I'm not living with them anymore. I moved into the dorms 2 months ago." She stated in a matter of factly, a proud look on her face.

"Well in that case....want to ride back with me?" He offered.

"Yeah no, I'd rather take my chances at being kidnapped and then butchered up. Besides, I wouldn't want to cut your wild night short." She declined the offer.

"Stop being so negative Nancy and accept my generosity. Geez."

Running over to her, he quickly snatched her up and threw her over his shoulder, ignoring her shocked exclaims and protests.

"Now this is really kidnapping!" She declared.

"Yeah I know, now shut up before I duct tape that bratty mouth of yours." San grinned mischievously as he tossed her into the backseat and shut the door before striding over to get on the driver's seat.

"Oh come on. Stop looking at me like I'm a criminal. Just because I indulge in a few sins every now and then, doesn't make me into a bad person." He stated when he saw the dirty look she gave him.

"Whatever." She muttered as she locked in her seatbelt.

San opted for just driving back to the dorms and get Y/N tucked in her bed since it was clear to him she needed it.

╬╬═════════════╬╬

"You're lucky my roommate is on vacation, otherwise I would have left your ass back there." Y/N spewed out as she threw her keys onto her dresser.

"Thanks Y/N, I always said you were the nicest and most giving person in the planet." San complimented her as he felt he should given she was letting him stay the night in her dorm after a little tiny incident with his keys dropping inside one of the manholes surrounding the university. And the administration office wouldn't be open til the morning, meaning he was screwed unless his roommate showed up to let him in, but that was a definite no since San knew Seonghwa would definitely end up in someone else's bed and come back til the next day, hickeys plastered all over his neck and chest.

"No, you always said I was the most stuck up-"

San shushed her by pressing a hand over her mouth.

"You dwell so much on the present image of me you drew up in your head that you completely erased the friend you had all those years ago." He slid his hand off her mouth, shoulders slumping down as he turned away from her to crouch on the floor.

"That friend doesn't exist anymore, that is if he even existed in the first place. If I recall, my friend wasn't into parties, booze, vaping, tattoos, piercings and fucking around with every whore in the school."

San didn't say anything as he heard her ramble, he just let her talk away as she started pulling out spare blankets and pillows for him to use.

"My Sannie was sweet, cute, adorable, always ready to lend people help and respectful to others." She reminisced with a sad look. Pulling her expression straight, she laid out the blankets and started arranging them neatly on the floor.

"I still am."

San's voice was so quiet that she barely registered that he even opened his mouth in the first place, but she heard him.

"Maybe if you weren't so puffed up with pride and didn't cut me off after I cut ties with the church, you'd see that I'm still the way I was. You think I changed completely because of ink and metal on my body? Because I wanted to try certain substances and yes, satisfy some perfectly normal and humane needs?"

Y/N averted her gaze from him and continued the task she was in. San let out a despondent scoff.

"Of course you do. And yet didn't I just demonstrate to you back there that I haven't changed? Giving you my shirt, giving you a ride, yeah I know, it's not much and no big deal, but wasn't those the types of things I'd do even back then?"

Y/N's tongue poked against her cheek as she knew she couldn't deny that was San said was absolutely true. He did nothing different back at the party as he used to do years ago. Helping old ladies with grocery bags, giving away some of his clothes to less fortunate kids, he was always known as being such a giving and kind person.....

No wonder so many were devastated when it was announced he had resigned as a member of the church. Y/N herself was hurt and even indignated by his decision. And after that she adamantly refused to see him or talk to him, and of course San respected her decision and avoided contacting her so as to not make her uncomfortable. He understood that their friendship was broken and he wasn't going to overstep boundaries just to try and fix it when the other party didn't want it. So he just decided to live his life as he thought was right without his conscience bothering him. And he was much happier now, he felt free, something that he had never felt before. Perhaps he was so chained down by formality, discipline, strict regulations and even fear that he didn't realize that he was miserable all that time until his eyes were fully open and he found he didn't like what he saw, especially after seeing the dark and ugly side of what was supposed to be a safe and pure sanctuary. He was let down severely and he suffered in the process. But now that was behind him and he had no regrets......

Except Y/N. He truly missed her and her company. As he laid on the makeshift bed on the floor, he found himself unable to sleep as he recalled all those fond times spent with her. The trips to the lake, hiking, first day of school, their first accident after he had gotten his driver's license. He let out an involuntary smile at that memory. Unbeknownst to him, the girl on her bed was equally reminiscing on the old days filled with her best friend. She had been so alone ever since she distanced herself from him, the world now feeling empty and cold without him. Shifting around in her bed, she whined into her pillow as she desperate tried to sleep.

"What's the worst thing you've ever done?" Her question startled San momentarily.

"Are you that sleep deprived that you're suddenly asking me to confess my worst sins?" He chuckled amusedly.

"Maybe it'll help me get actual sleep, I don't know. And.... I'm just curious." She clutched one of her plushies and started messing around with it.

"Curiosity killed the cat and I don't think your virgin mind will be able to handle my confession." He asserted confidently.

"I'm not a virgin, but oh well. Just tell me, what's the worst?" Her casual response made San flip out. He sat upright and kneeled at the front of her bed with an incredulous look.

"What do you mean you're not a virgin? When did you-?" He was so flabbergasted he wouldn't even finish his sentence.

Rolling over to where he was, Y/N smirked at him.

"Uh uh. I asked you a question first and you have to answer it before I can answer any you want."

Knowing he had no alternative, San placed his chin on the top of her mattress.

"Had a threesome with 2 of our professors." He laughed when he saw how shocked Y/N looked.

"What?! No way!" She refused to believe him.

"It's true. I won't tell you who they were since you won't be able to look at them the same way if I did...... I'll just dish this: they both got really huge tits and it's a shame they're married." He admitted with a smug expression.

"I can't believe you." She fanned her face which she was sure was now a deep crimson color.

"Ok now your turn. When did this happen? Who was it with?"

Y/N didn't even mind that San got up and crawled into her bed to lay down next to her. His face was rested on his hands as he looked at her with intense inquisitiveness. Knowing she'd have to talk about it sooner or later, she thought it would be best if San was the one to know since he would never tell anyone else and he'd understand since he was tainted as well.

"Remember when that group of missionaries came to stay over at our city for a while back in high school?"

San nodded, vividly remembering everything. Y/N blushed and smiled shyly.

"Do you remember that there was a family with a son our age? Chase?"

San widened his eyes and flopped over on his back as his hands came to hide his face.

"Oh dear lord, please don't tell me it was that Canadian boy." He groaned in pain.

"Yeah....yeah it was."

San couldn't stop cringing at the thought of his friend doing such a thing.

"How even did that happen?" He was so lost.

"I don't know! It just did ok? It happened while we were out in that camping trip. Somewhere there, we were left alone and we started talking about everything and nothing til it spiraled into talking about sex and us being virgins decided to see what was the big deal....." She bit her lower lip as the memory flashed in her mind. Looking over at San, she knew he was judging her as she expected. A tiny snort escaped his lips.

"That must have been the worst 45 seconds of your life." He joked, earning him a slap on his chest by Y/N's hand.

"It was not 45 seconds!............. it was 2 minutes."

San only laughed harder at that, nearly crying from how funny it was to him. He composed himself though when he saw how embarrassed Y/N looked about it. Feeling bad for laughing at her expense, he cleared his throat and patted her head.

"It's ok. First times are always awkward and uncomfortable. The problem was you weren't prepared and you were both inexperienced. He just didn't know how to please you."

Y/N couldn't help herself as she asked:

"And I suppose you can?"

Flipping onto his stomach, San cupped her chin with his hand and ran his thumb across her lower lip.

"Don't tread on dangerous territory little angel lest you want an evil demon to corrupt you." He warned her, and although he wouldn't actually follow through on it, he did want to tease her a little. But he wasn't expecting for Y/N to play along to his teasing, only she was not joking at all as she brought her face closer to his.

"Maybe I want you to corrupt me, show me what I've been missing out on." She brushed her lips against his, tongue daring to poke out and press on his slit briefly, leaving him stunned.

"You have no idea what you're asking for princess." San mused as he held himself back from touching her.

"I know what I'm asking for Choi San and what I'm asking for....is you." She responded with confidence.

Escaping from underneath the blanket that covered her, Y/N reclined back on the mattress, her head laying on her soft pillow as she gestured for San to come over to her, which he promptly did. Parting her legs so he could fit his body between them, he smirked softly down at her eagerness, fingers brushing against the soft skin on her thighs.

"You're serious about this?" He wanted to make sure it wouldn't be something she'd regret.

"I already messed up once, what's one more time gonna do?" She pulled him down against her, not caring when he lost balance and accidentally crushed her under him with his muscular body.

"Besides...." Wanting to further entice him, Y/N brushed her lips against his ear.

"Look at me and tell me you don't want to fuck me. That you don't want to stuff that hard cock of yours into my tight and inexperienced pussy. Bet you're itching to tear into me until I'm crying under you. Don't you want that?"

San let out a moan at hearing such filthy and depraved talk from her. It only fueled his appetite and hunger for indulging in carnal desires.

"Yes... I want that.... I want you."

Closing space between them, San molded his lips over hers, encasing them in a sloppy and wet kiss. Y/N could faintly make out the leftover scent of alcohol and nicotine as she let him taste her mouth, but she didn't mind or felt grossed out by it. She just kept her lips parted and allowed him to move his tongue freely inside her. Cupping her cheeks, San continued to roll his tongue over hers, massaging it gently with both deep yet gentle strokes. When he pulled away, he made sure to tuck her bottom lip between his teeth, pulling it towards him as Y/N let out a moan that was like music to his ears. Pausing briefly, their lips were barely touching as they breathed in each other's air. San was the first one to break into a smile, the one that had Y/N melting since it displayed his dimples to the fullest.

"Never thought I'd hear that sound come out of your pretty mouth." He teased her.

"S-shut up." She frowned, hand reaching up to smack his chest.

"It's not a bad thing. I like it. Now let's see if I can make sure you keep them up."

Stuffing his face into her neck, San ghosted his lips across her skin, tongue subtly poking out solely to hear her breath hitch slightly. Dipping his tongue into her collarbone, his lips opened up so they could firmly latch and spread wet kisses across her neck. Y/N gasped when she felt teeth sink down, head tilting back to give San more room which he took advantage of. Focusing on particular spots that he knew she was sensitive in, he sucked her skin into his mouth. Each time he pulled away, he reveled when he saw the finished mark that was now painted on her skin.

"I would love to see your parent's reaction to my love bites." He brushed a fingers across the newest spot he just embedded in her body, hand then reaching up to suddenly clasp around her neck. Y/N shuddered when his grip got tighter, her oxygen intake getting cut and making her feel hazy, but it was nonetheless enjoyable. Snaking a hand under her shirt, or more like his shirt, San swiped his tongue over his bottom lip as he started to pull the material up.

"How about I make some matching ones all across your pretty chest?"

Before he could lift the shirt any further, Y/N's hand clasped around his wrist, preventing him from moving any further.

"Don't." She begged him.

San retracted his hands away from her, fearing he made her uncomfortable.

"I'm sorry." He immediately apologized and began to move away from her, but Y/N's hands raked against his thighs to keep him in place.

"No, it's not you. It's just..... if we're going to do this, can I keep the shirt on? I don't...." She took a deep breath and closed her eyes as she admitted an insecurity of hers.

"I don't like my chest. My boobs are too small, it's unflattering and I'd rather you not see them." She slowly opened her eyes to see his reaction. San had a sad look on his face, bottom lip poking out as his fingers came up to brush against her cheek. Remembering what he had previously said back in the parking loyal, he felt terrible for saying that ill intended joke about her body. He probably hurt her and he didn't realize it.

"Y/N don't say that. Your chest size doesn't matter. You're beautiful the way you are and I bet underneath that layer is clothing there is the cutest and most adorable set of boobs in the world." She let out an involuntary giggle at his words, letting him run his hand down her clothed sternum.

"But if that's what you want, I'll respect it. Either way, my tshirt looks amazing on you." He acknowledged rather cockily.

Shifting further back, San took hold of the top of her shorts, making sure to look at her.

"Are you ok with these coming off?"

Y/N resisted the temptation to slap the top of his head.

"If you don't take them off, how are you going to fuck me genius?" She retorted.

"You'd be surprised at what I've learned." He uttered, mostly to himself than at her.

Like an expert, he practically tore her shorts down her legs, panties falling to the floor along with them. Y/N let out a soft squeal when he took hold of her thighs and brought her down so his face was at eye level with her most intimate part. San took a few seconds to admire her bare mound, lips parted and threatening to start drooling all over her thighs. Pressing both thumbs against each one is her lips, San pried her folds open, staring intently as he now clearly saw all of her.

"Oh fuck. I'm gonna need to prep you real good. I can tell you're going to be really tight."

She wanted to ask him what he meant by prep, but her words got caught in her throat when she felt his tongue delve into her core. She had never felt someone's mouth anywhere near her folds and she regretted not having experienced it before. Her eyes shut tight as she marveled at the sensation of San's tongue lapping at her bud, his lips making sure to enclose all around the flesh surrounding it before giving it gentle suckles. Shaky breaths blew out from her mouth, her legs wanting to close themselves around San's head but his firm grip on her thighs kept it from happening. He kept her knees pinned to the bed as his mouth continued to ravish at her taste, sloppily consuming her heat fervently. Her mind was so occupied in what he was doing that she didn't register the hand that slowly crept away from her thigh until she felt something poke at her entrance.

"Oh-" She gasped, opening her eyes to see what was going on.

"Relax princess. It's just my finger.....for now." He momentarily pulled off her heat to let her know what was happening before diving back in to continue his task of eating her out.

His finger inside her felt a little weird at first, sliding in slowly before pulling out only to plunge itself back into her. During one of those times where she expected him to slide back in, she was surprised when she felt herself being stretched out as San curled a second finger inside her. Keeping them lodged there, he began scissoring them alternatively so he could further spread her walls apart. During one of those movements, his fingertips brushed along her hood, making her hips slightly jolt up into San's face, who smiled against her folds as he now knew exactly where to angle his hips for later. Using this new knowledge, that was probably unbeknownst to Y/N, he slipped his fingers deeper into her, knuckles deep as he moved his tips rhythmically on the the spot he found. Y/N's mouth fell wide open into an 'O' as whiny gasps and airy moans poured out of it. San's mouth latched to her clit and his fingers working deep in her hole was producing a stirring in the lower pit of her stomach that she couldn't quite make out. But it felt good, especially since it continued to grow more and more, almost as if it was a cord about to snap.

"San- wait. I feel, I feel-" She couldn't finish her sentence as her body trembled slightly, a flood of overwhelming pleasure washing over her that was prolonged by San drinking up the juices that spilled forth out of her body. He didn't pull away until he made sure to swallow every drop she had to give.

"Aren't you grossed out?" She asked him, always having wondered about that.

"Nope. I love licking girl's pussies, especially if they're as sweet as yours." He affirmed while pulling his shirt off his body.

Y/N turned her flustered face away from him, keeping her gaze locked on the wall to her right, which was decorated with several polaroids of her with her family, friends and members of her church, some of them even had San in them, back when they were inseparable. Before she could become nostalgic, a strong set of hands clutched her chin and teared her gaze away from the pictures, forcing her to stare at the now naked man in front of her.

"Forget about that for now. Right now I want your full attention on me and what we're about to do. After we're done, that image of a good girl you have will gone." His words seemed to almost taunt her.

Although she tried not to look, Y/N's eyes fell in between San's legs, filled with astonishment when she glimpsed for the very first time at her former friend's member, fully erect and leaking at the tip as it awaited to be hugged by her warm walls.

"Like it? Maybe later I'll let you play with it." San giggled when her eyes shot up at him in surprise.

Placing himself to hover above her, he hummed lowly as he slowly stuffed himself inside her, working her open until he was fully nestled inside her warmth. Although she felt a light burn scraping against her inner walls, it wasn't unpleasant or painful like her first time. She could tell San knew exactly what he was doing as he began rolling his hips. Perfectly recalling exactly where to aim at, he made sure to angle his thrusts accordingly so each time he pushed back in, he'd hit her pleasure spot.

"Oh God-" Y/N exclaimed when he continued to brushed against the hood of her core.

"Really think it's a good idea to call out the good lord's name when I'm balls deep inside your pussy?" He asked with a malicious smirk plastered across his face.

"No baby. Tonight your only lord is me."

Pinning her wrists above her head, San continued pushing his cock deeper into her. The harsh pounding of his hips against hers was becoming louder, their bodies starting to get heated and producing sweat. Y/N couldn't do anything but whimper and wrap her legs around San's waist, keeping him firmly locked to her body. She closed her eyes once more as she felt the same familiar feeling from before start piling up, only it felt more intense and stronger probably due to the fact that she was getting railed to her bed by her ex best friend, whom she still cared about deeply. She was definitely not planning on making up with him this way, but holy hell, she couldn't deny that he was making her feel so many emotions at once. Pleasure, lust, satisfaction, happiness, euphoria, love? Perhaps that last one was definitely a stretch, but she blamed her confused thoughts on how well his cock was abusing her hole. She felt unable to focus on anything except him.

"Clenching so hard around me babygirl. Are you gonna cum all over my cock?"

Slipping one hand in between their bodies, San pressed his thumb against her clit, rubbing it back and forth so it would serve as an extra push to tip her over the edge. Y/N splayed her hands on San's lower back, nails raking against his skin, causing him to hiss.

"Fuck- am I seriously making you feel that good babygirl?" He knew for a fact he was feeling absolutely amazing, her tight warmth gripping along his shaft, making it hard for him to hold back much longer.

"Mmm yeah." She shamelessly moaned.

"Am I better than your first?" Although he already knew the answer, he still wanted to feed his ego and hear her say it.

"So much better! It feels so fucking good." She inhaled sharply when that she began to feel the sensation from before. With even louder cries from before, her body shook underneath San's, blood rushing to her head as an even greater orgasm coursed through her body. She was left speechless, a full on panting mess even after San had pulled out of her after helping her ride out her high.

"Oh geez. Shit." San's voice rasped out as he jerked himself off, his cum painting her thighs white, not stopping until he had finished coating them with everything he had to give.

Looking down at the mess, Y/N couldn't suppress a tiny giggle, one of her hands clasping over her mouth while the other picked up some of his cum and spread it between her fingers.

"Having fun there?" San grinned, finding her fascinated gaze to be completely adorable to him.

"Yeah.." She said as sat up to get a better look at the cum around her thighs.

"Well I was going to clean it off you, but seeing as you're so entertained by it, I'll just leave you with it."

Not forgetting that he was merely a guest, San slid himself off her bed and plopped his tired body onto the blankets on the floor. Closing his eyes, he was thinking he would finally be able to sleep, but he found his plans thwarted when he felt a pair of hands graze across his chest. Looking up, he found Y/N straddling his lap, biting down on her lower lip as she grinded her wet folds along his softened dick which was now becoming hard again thanks to her.

"What in the world are you doing you crazy girl?" He sucked in a breath, not expecting her to suddenly pounce on him.

"I wanna try that again." She pleaded, grinding her hips harder on him.

"Oh my- did I accidentally turn you into a nymphomaniac?" She chuckled at his joke and although he groaned as if he was frustrated, he obliged to her wishes and sat up.

Clasping her waist with his hands, he lifted her up and guided her so she could easily sink herself down on his length. Not letting go, he slowly rolled his hips up, burying himself deep in her body once more. Since they were both still riled up from their previous session, it didn't take long for both of them to start spewing out a clutter of moans and grunts as they once again get lost in a mist of lust that clouded their minds. San drunk up every expression on Y/N's face. Every twitch of her facial muscles, every shuddering breath she exhaled, each time her eyelids shut close, he marveled at seeing her enjoy the experience. He loved seeing her indulge in such an intimate practice with him, more so given how special she was to him, one of the most important people in his life aside from his family. Looking down at her torso, his fingers brushed along the hem of her shirt.

"Please...." His urging caught her attention.

"Please let me see all of you. I want to admire every inch of you and your beautiful body. I promise I won't laugh or judge. I just want to worship you."

Y/N hesitated briefly, still afraid to let him see what was hidden under the shirt.

"It's ok if you don't want to. I won't force you." He shot a kind smile at her as he focused back on making sure to drive his cock up into her.

Feeling safe and knowing she could trust her lifelong friend whom she thought of as a soulmate at one point, Y/N reached for the bottom of her shirt and peeled it off her body. Coming face to face with her bare chest, San groaned in ecstasy as he slid his hands up her body.

"Just as I predicted, you have very cute breasts."

Pulling her chest to his face, he opened his mouth and took one of her nipples in it, swirling his tongue around it before sucking on it. Y/N's fingers raked themselves through his hair, harshly tugging them when she felt his teeth sink themselves into her flesh.

"Aren't they too small?" She inquired.

Letting go of her breast with an audible pop, San cupped her chin.

"No baby, they're absolutely perfect. They're gorgeous, just like every other part of your body. You're gorgeous, absolutely stunning and holy fuck, you're driving me insane honestly." He confessed, his mouth diving into her other breast so it wouldn't feel left out from being tenderly kissed and sucked on.

His words sunk deep in Y/N's heart. He really did found her beautiful, attractive and it spurred something in her. Feeling a newfound passion, Y/N unconsciously began taking over their movements. Pushing against his thrusts, she began to set her own pace, rutting herself on top of his dick. San of course took notice and was happy about it.

"Oh wanna take over now baby? Well go ahead."

Laying back down on the floor, his eyes stared up at her with lust.

"Fuck yourself on me darling."

Encouraged by him, Y/N began bouncing herself on his cock. Finding an angle that she liked, she sunk down on his length over and over, her head thrown back as she used his body to push her down another spiral of immense pleasure. San just relaxed and admired the way she lost herself and gave into her deepest desires. He loved the way she rode his cock, and he loved feeling her walls tighten once more around his shaft.

"Oh shit- Sannie." She cried out his name as she quivered on top of him, her juices spilling out onto his cock once more.

Knowing fully well she was probably aching between her thighs, San gripped her hips and helped her ride out her climax so the feeling she was going through wouldn't go away just yet. He made sure to be gentle, easing her up and down his cock with absolute tenderness. Once he knew she was satisfied, he pulled her of him and set her down on the floor before sitting up above her body. Just like before, he took hold of his cock and began pumping his cum out of his body, plastering it all across her inner thighs and even splattering some on her stomach. Looking up, Y/N had the same giggly expression as before.

"Does my cum really make you burst into a fit of giggles?" He questioned her.

"I can't help it. It's just... I don't know. Maybe it's the fact it's so dirty and wrong, and then to have you spread it all over my body." She explained, which made San chuckle.

"Maybe I should baptize your thighs with my cum more often." Although he was joking, Y/N was more than willing to take him up on that offer.

"Will you?" She looked up at him with puppy eyes.

San studied her for a moment, before a wicked idea popped in his brain.

"How about you let me baptize and stain that pretty face of yours?"

Getting a hint of what he meant, Y/N got up on her knees while San stood up right in front of her, cock in hand as he brought it up to her lips.

"I hope you weren't planning on going to morning services tomorrow because I'm going to keep you up til morning until your knees hurt."

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bigassheart · 4 years

Text

I’ve seen a couple posts about how everyone was wildly out of character and totally inconsistent this season and I’m just like... were you guys paying attention?

1. Luther

Arguably the biggest shift in character between the two seasons, but it makes sense. Luther spent a year fending for himself and thinking his entire family was dead.

This is the first time in his life that he had to hold down a job and actually live on his own. It was literally his first time living out in the world among anyone other than his family, and you can see in his reactions with the other characters from that life (the boss, his landlord, those kids that idolize him, and the waitress) that it has really mellowed him out. It has allowed him to be more normal, despite being very much not normal. You can see the way he’s so much more comfortable in his skin. Literally the only times he looks uncomfortable is when he’s fighting people, shirt off and body on full display. He’s still not comfortable with that, but he’s not trying to hide under huge overcoats anymore. He has people in his life who accept him for being a little weird, but really do treat him normal.

So is he a little less uptight and mission focused? Yeah. Because he can finally see another life, and it’s the life that he honestly did want in season 1 but felt like he couldn’t have because he was number 1 and he had a responsibility to his dad, his family, and the academy to be the leader. Having a year on his own frees him of all that.

But he also spent all that time thinking his family was dead and feeling so guilty about it. You can see in his very first interaction with Vanya, where he suddenly feels that responsibility again. He brings a gun, not knowing what’s going to happen and, despite what he told Five, he absolutely does still have that lingering feeling of responsibility. But then he sees Vanya and she’s not a threat and everything he has been holding in for the last year comes out. Because he does feel guilty as hell for what he did to Vanya, but also for the fact that his actions pushed her into causing the apocalypse. He spent a year with the knowledge that he did that and thinking that his family was dead because of his actions.

He’s willing to listen now because he spent a year living in a world where his actions killed his whole family. And now he finds out that that didn’t happen and he has a second chance. Of course he’s going to take it!

2. Diego

In the first season, Diego finally admitted that he wanted to be close to his family and that he cared about them and wouldn’t leave them again. He confronted the guilt about leaving, which he had previously denied. He realized the difference between revenge and honoring someone’s memory. But despite all that, he never confronted the reason why he, a grown-ass-man, wandered around the city as a leather clad, mask wearing vigilante.

So when we see Diego show up in 1963, that’s still who he is. He wants to be that hero and he finds an answer for how to be that hero in the first several minutes that he’s there. So he takes it. I mean, what else is he going to do? His family is gone. Maybe they’ll show up again. Maybe this is it. Either way, he’s on his own like he was before, so he’s got a duty to be the hero he has chosen to be.

And then he meets his dad again. Everyone keeps telling him he has daddy issues, and they’re right. He absolutely has daddy issues. He’s still trying to simultaneously prove that he’s good enough for his dad, but also doesn’t need Daddy’s approval. Except he does need it. He still desperately craves it and he feels gutted when his dad denies him that approval, even falling back into the stutter he had as a kid.

Now, despite the way we joke, Diego is not dumb. He is so observant and he makes some of the most poignant statements about his siblings and the way they see the world. He sees the people around them and he understands them, but he has never been able to completely turn that gift inwards and see those same things in himself. In this season, Lila breaks through all that and he finally sees himself in her at the end.

“Do you know how hard it is to trust people when your whole childhood was bullshit manipulation? Then why would you do that to me?”

Diego sees himself in Lila, in her failure to break away from her mother despite the fact that he knows she wants to. In the final episode, he sees that she is just like the rest of the siblings, but she doesn’t have to be. None of them have to be stuck with their daddy issues, because they have each other. They can support and care for each other. It’s the last step of the growth he started in season 1, moving beyond his tendency to define his life and his family through their father.

3. Allison

Throughout season 1, Allison struggled with whether or not to use her powers, but it was all centered around getting back to her daughter. When she appears in 1961, that motivation is effectively removed. She thinks everyone else is dead. She thinks that she is stranded in the past and that she will never get back. She finds a group of people to support her and before long... she finds her voice again.

It’s no coincidence that Allison’s first spoken words in the series come right after she gives Ray that pamphlet with a bunch of added notes. She finds her voice in the civil rights movement. She finds her power there. She finds a way to help change the world, to change reality, and she does it without her powers.

This is something she struggled with through the entirety of season 1, feeling inadequate for using her powers to get what she wanted, not knowing if anything was real or earned. Now she has the chance to earn everything without those powers and she is thriving.

And then she is forced to use her powers again. It all turns out fine, but now she’s showing off and experiencing all over again how good it feels to have power. She spent two years in a world where she was denied equal treatment, where she could be arrested and assaulted for any reason those with more power came up with. And now she feels that power... She doesn’t have to wait for people to give her respect. She can demand it. But the pain is still there, and it’s not enough to just be respected, because these people have hurt her. They almost killed her husband. They have used their power to cause pain to her and all those who look like her time and time again and now it’s time to understand what it’s like to be powerless, to be hurt and to be unable to stop it and...

And it’s scary. It’s scary to have that much power, to see how you could become the kind of person who uses your power to hurt others. And she knows that her power has hurt people she loves and suddenly she’s right back where she started.

Only not entirely.

She doesn’t shy away from her powers in the final fight. She is obviously still finding that balance and I would expect this struggle to continue for her in future seasons. Power can be addicting and Allison’s power is so strong. She knows the danger there, but she also knows that sometimes it’s needed despite the danger.

4. Klaus

Klaus is an addict. He finds obsessions to bury himself in to avoid dealing with reality. In season 1, he buried himself in drugs and booze. When he shows up in the 60′s, he finds a new drug to bury himself in: adoration.

Klaus is so impulsive and it’s not difficult to connect the dots of how one thing leads to another until suddenly everything is out of his control. Honestly, that’s the story of Klaus’s life, no matter where he goes. And then something changes. He gets tired of his cult and leaves. Except... that’s not really the reason.

After all this time, Dave is still the love of his life, and he knows he has an opportunity. He knows where Dave will be at this one time and he knows exactly what he has to change to keep Dave alive.

He also knows that Ben is going to have thoughts about this.

I know some people were disappointed that there wasn’t more Klaus and Ben bonding this season, but it makes sense that there is tension there. I think a lot of that tension comes from Ben’s circumstances, which I’ll discuss later, but Klaus is also not responding to that tension well.

They are fighting more than ever (not that they ever didn’t fight in season 1, where they spent much of their time being snarky to each other and Ben literally punching Klaus in the face for being an asshole), but the fighting is about something new this season. Ben wants his own life and Klaus is not in a position to give Ben what he really wants. We also learn that he has been carrying around this guilt for the last 17 years about forcing Ben to stick around as a ghost. He forced this half-life on his brother and now that it’s not enough for Ben, Klaus doesn’t want to deal with it. So he avoids and deflects and snarks and we see the toll on their relationship. We see it in the way he tries to deal with his plans around Dave entirely on his own. He focuses so much into that last ditch effort. He’s already in such a low place before this, so when that fails, we see him snap. We see him give up and crumble. And Ben falls back to his old role, trying to save Klaus from himself.

But the tension isn’t gone and Klaus’s guilt isn’t gone. We see it again when Klaus finally agrees to let Ben possess him. Klaus has always been afraid of his powers and being possessed is just as terrifying a thought as being surrounded by the dead. And yet he gives Ben that chance. It’s the last good thing he can do at that point.

I do wish we had gotten more closure for Klaus and Ben’s story. I think Vanya’s reveal could have been given a little more time, but that’s not really a problem with inconsistent characterization, so we’ll save that for another post.

5. Five

OK, who would argue that Five was out of character or inconsistent? He’s obsessed with stopping the apocalypse, is willing to cross a lot of lines to save his family, and constantly frustrated by his family’s failure to go along with his plans. This is textbook Five.

What I loved about this season was that we got to see Five finally meeting his father again. They interact as two adults, not as a child trying to find away to become his own person, frustrated by a lack of trust from his father. It allows Reggie to see Five in a different light and to actually provide advice in a constructive way, something he has almost never been able to do when viewing them as his children. But despite outward appearances and despite the fact that Five is a grown man, he still sees his father the same way he always has. He doesn’t register Reggie’s advice as advice. He hears that he’s striving beyond his abilities and that maybe he can only travel in seconds. He hears his father telling him he can’t handle time travel. That’s why he doesn’t try to actually take the very good advice until the very end.

An old dog can still occasionally learn a new trick and Five proves that true.

6. Ben

As I mentioned earlier, Ben is chaffing at his ghosthood. Maybe it’s because Klaus has been sober enough to keep Ben around solidly for 3 years. Maybe it’s because Ben is no longer spending all his time trying to keep Klaus alive and sober. Or maybe it’s the fact that he has finally found someone that he actually wants to spend time with. Whatever the reason, Ben wants to be alive this season.

Again, as I mentioned, that’s causing some tension. Ben doesn’t want to be tied to Klaus, but Klaus is ignoring that because he feels so guilty about it. Ben doesn’t want to admit that he was too scared to go into the light on his own, so they’re at a bit of a standstill.

And then Ben gets the opportunity to be alive again, if only for a while. And in a lot of ways, it’s wonderful! But it’s not the same as being truly alive.

So when the time comes, when he’s faced with that light again... he’s not afraid. He knows that it’s time to move on. He knows this isn’t where he should be, but he also got the chance to be there for his family. He misses them, but he got to talk to Diego and Vanya. He got to save Vanya. He got to save Allison and Diego and Klaus and Luther and Five and the whole world! So while he would have stayed, he’s not sad about leaving anymore, and he’s not afraid.

7. Vanya

OK, she was a little out of character because... you know. She had amnesia.

But aside from erasing her past, the amnesia allowed us to see Vanya without the anger and resentment that plagued her for all of season one. Vanya was always someone who was kind and loving, someone who cares enough to leave peanut butter and marshmallow sandwiches out for a missing brother for years. Someone who knows the pain of not being seen and who will always take the time to truly see other people. She’s someone who wants to love and to be loved and to protect those she loves.

That was all here, with or without the memories. And as soon as the memories came back, so did the guilt and fear about what she had done, what she had become, terrified of what was inside her in a way that she was not when her powers first surfaced. But Ben is used to being afraid of what’s inside of him. He knows she’s not a monster and is the perfect person to explain that to her. And this time around, she has experienced the love and care and attention of her siblings (and Sissy) to back up those words. That’s how she finally accepts them as truth, how she finally accepts her power as a part of her.

Overall, there are things that I wish this season spent more time with, but there was nothing that I felt was out of character or wildly inconsistent. The characters still struggled with all the baggage from their shitty childhood, their fear of their powers, and the guilt in their past. Some struggled in new ways this season and some continued old struggles that had never fully been resolved. The season felt very different than the first, but it still felt like the Umbrella Academy. It was a good mix of new and old and a good mix of feel-good moments we have all been waiting for and frustrating and sad moments that just come with having a complicated family. I loved this season. And now, I’m going to go re-watch every episode.

#tua s2 spoilers #tua season 2 #tua analysis #The Umbrella Academy #tua #luther hargreeves #diego hargreeves #alison hargreeves #klaus hargreeves #five hargreeves #ben hargreeves #vanya hargreeves

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