#i just remember like 6 months absolutely dying over these

[skitskatdacat63]

Beanie Nando for @sweatyflytrap <3

[apathyfairy]

.

[ageofbajabule]

Beautiful Boy | Josh Kiszka

Josh Kiszka x F!Reader

Warnings: Fluff, 18+ Allusions to Sex, Groping (Let me know if I miss any)

Word Count: 1.1k

Author’s Note: Honestly nothing crazy. This is just a little blurb I threw together after hearing that JOSH WAS WEARING EYELINER FOR THE HAMBURG SHOW! If he wears eyeliner for the next US leg, catch me dying in the pit for Pitt and Grand Rapids…

The next leg of the mighty Starcatcher World Tour has begun. Another month of endless traveling, soundchecks, interviews and shows. You loved the lifestyle you had adjusted too after agreeing to be Josh’s girlfriend 3 years ago. You knew what you were signing up for, and you never looked back. As long as you were beside him that’s all that mattered.

Josh showed you what it was like to love and be loved. He was the embodiment of love within itself. When you first met him you had only been newly single for a few months after a bad breakup. But when the two of you met one night at a small venue show, you hit it off immediately. Hangouts turned into dates, dates turned into nights tangled in each other's sheets. Then not too long after Josh was asking you to move in with him.

Josh had been thrilled when you agreed to move in, and said he was lonely in the mountains. And to say it wasn’t a dream to live in the mountains with the person you love most. You constantly thought your life was a dream and you constantly would pinch yourself for your own reassurance.

But when Josh had asked you to quit your day job and come on tour with him, you were absolutely hesitant. You had never left home, let alone left the country! But he was adamant that you came along as he would miss you too much, and how there was so much to see out in the world. And he wasn’t wrong.

In the span of 6 months you had seen more of the world than you had in the span of your own lifetime.

When you were on tour you had started to help out with the guys to get ready for their shows. Adjusting their outfits, fixing up Josh’s and Danny’s rhinestones. Even helping Jake adjust the sleeves to his suit jacket. Dreams In Gold was chaotic and thrilling. But when the guys were ready to announce Starcatcher, Josh had started to get more creative with his rhinestones and makeup for the shows.

When Starcatcher had finally been given to the world, the very first show Josh had you there applying his makeup and rhinestones. He was so nervous to be up on stage, as he always did get nervous before shows. But because a new era had begun and he was unsure if the fans would react well to it.

Jake had started to experience more with eyeliner for his stage presence. Whereas Josh, Danny and Sam wore eyeshadow and rhinestones for their presence.

Josh had been contemplating wearing eyeliner, but wasn’t sure he would look right with it. But Josh looked good no matter what, you were positive that if he came out covered in grease and dirt he’d still be the most attractive man you ever laid your eyes on.

“Do you think the eyeliner will look okay…” He paced around the dressing room.

“Josh, baby… You look absolutely stunning with the eyeshadow and rhinestones. Why would you think the eyeliner won’t look good?” You pulled out the waterline eyeliner out of the makeup bag.

“Will it be too much?” He kept pacing around. You stood up from where you were sitting, walking over to Josh you stopped him in his tracks kissing his lips softly.

He relaxed in your touch, kissing you back softly. Pulling away slowly, you cupped his face in your hands staring into his eyes.

“You worry too much… and besides if I remember correctly. Didn’t you say ‘Fuck fear’?” You giggled softly, pulling him over to sit back in the chair across form the one you sat in not too long ago.

“I did, didn’t I…”

You nodded, grabbing the eyeliner pencil and removing the cap. You grabbed his face gently, careful to not ruin the work you had finished a couple minutes ago.

“Now, just relax Joshy. It will take two minutes and then you can look in the mirror and see for yourself how good you look.” You kissed the tip of his nose, earning a grin and rosy tinted cheeks from him.

You held his face gently, using the eyeliner pencil to apply the black makeup to his waterline gently. He handled it like a pro, but he had let you experience a ton of makeup looks on him. He was such a good model for you.

After the two minutes of applying it to both eyes, you pulled away smiling contently at the final look. You grabbed the mirror and handed it to him.

“All done…”

He grabbed the mirror turning it to face him, he looked in amazement. The pop that the eyeliner did for his beautiful brown honey eyes and the way the liner complimented the silver eyeshadow. He was in shock.

“Wow… mama. You are god sent.” He chuckled softly, checking himself out in the mirror before setting it down. He pulled you into his lap.

“You are my beautiful boy…” You giggled softly cupping his face into your hands kissing him softly. He hummed against your lips, pulling your hips down and grinding into you.

You gasped slightly as you could feel him hardening beneath you.

“Joshua, we don’t have enough time…” You giggled softly as he peppered kisses along your neck.

“Mama… we have plenty of time.” He started to grab your ass, rubbing it softly before giving it a swift crack that made you yelp, but soothing it afterwards.

“No we don’t! The last time we got tangled up in the dressing room you were late to the stage for the curtain drop!” You smacked his shoulder softly.

“Yeah… Daniel will never let me live that down.” He chuckled softly.

“However… if you’re a good boy tonight. Perhaps afterwards you get rewarded.” You said in a sultry tone against the shell of his ear, licking and nibbling softly. Eliciting a moan from his lips to fall.

“You are going to be the death of me woman…” He chuckled softly.

You giggled standing up from his lap, as he started to readjust his new jumpsuit. A velvet silver jumpsuit that adorned his body well. And the jacket sitting on the hanger he pulled off that had been very similar to Jake’s.

“You look absolutely beautiful…” You blushed, helping him adjust his suit.

“Well with your help of course.” He kissed your cheek softly, before grabbing your ass again.

He started to whisper in your ear, “Just don’t forget who is in charge here though…” He said in a low register tone voice, which sent heat to your core. You were sure your panties were ruined by the arousal that pooled there.

“Good luck baby…” You tapped his ass softly, as you ushered him out to get mic'd up.

“I will see you back in the hotel room tonight, mama…” He smirked softly before getting mic’d up and hitting the stage.

.

.

.

Taglist -

@lyndszee @fkfearandliveyourlegend @starcatcherry @hi-hi-hello11 @gvfmuse @meetingthestardust @myleftsock @thunderstomp-and-tequila @sinsofstardust @vanillabear27 @dharma-divine33 @holybananafuck @thecoldwind @ieatedsammy @gretasfallingsky @char289 @blacksoul-27

[ladylooch]

Nico smut where you finally get intimate after having a baby? maybe reader is insecure about her body so Nico just worships her

A/N: Mmmm intimacy and sex. We love to see it ❤️ Thank you so much for this request. My heart was literally exploding and aching and bouncing with joy writing this. I love these type of requests that make you feel as a reader and a writer. Hope you enjoy it and thanks for being patient while waiting for this one!

Part of What My World Spins Around AU.

Reminder: although I am posting requests right now, they are closed. I am just getting caught up.

Word Count: 2.5k

Warnings: SMUT 18+ Content, Body image issues, swearing, drinking, babies/pregnancy talk.

Across the table, my husband is absolutely salivating. 

And it has little to do with the sushi rolls we are currently stuffing in our faces. After 9 looooooong months without my favorite cuisine, it was a relief when Nico suggested this restaurant for the second visit this week.

But, again, the look on his face is not because of food. It’s because of me.

“Nico.” I snort after taking a sip of my mango martini.

“Hm?” He asks, thumb stroking across the top of my hand that he holds in the center of the table.

“Tone it down a bit.” 

“I can’t.” He shrugs. “I finally get to have you. And you’re just eating sushi over there like you’re not dying at the thought of feeling me between your thighs again.” 

“I’m still thinking about the other thing that was between my thighs 6 weeks ago.” I gesture with my other hand. “Ya know, our daughter.” His shoulders deflate a bit and I can tell I’ve bruised his ego. I bite my lip. I didn’t mean to do that, but it’s the truth. Birth is traumatic. A lot happens to your body before, during, and after. It’s a wild ride.

“I understand.” He nods, giving my hand a squeeze. “Sorry, I just assumed when they told you everything was okay today that you would… Yeah, that’s on me. I’m sorry. I should have-“

“Neeks, you’re absolutely fucking me tonight.” I cut him off. He visibly relaxes, happy grin stretching his lips.

“Okay.” We share a soft laugh, my cheeks tinting red at the obvious excitement returning to his face. He glances between me and my last piece of sushi.

“Patience.” 

“It’s been 8 weeks and 4 days since I’ve had you.” He blurts out. “And since you texted me the green flag earlier, I have been painfully hard.”

“It has not been that long since I helped you out.” He blinks at me, waiting for an elaboration. “I sucked you off in the kitchen the other day.”

“Oh I remember. Vividly. I just wanted you to say it out loud.”

“You’re such a slut, Hischier.��

“Only for you, Hischier.” He murmurs, gnawing on his bottom lip as the waitress comes to ask if we want anything else. “The check would be great.” Nico says without taking his eyes from me. I roll my eyes, hiding my smile with another sip of my drink.

When we get home, we both cross our fingers that our baby is asleep. Ryan Graves and his girlfriend, Clare, offered to watch Lucie so we could enjoy a night out. All three humans are passed out in the living room when we enter. 

“Gravy.” Nico snickers, poking the defenseman’s shoulder. He startles awake.

“Holy shit.” He mutters. “Sorry. This baby stuff is hard. I’m exhausted.”

“Welcome to the club.” I laugh, walking to Lucie and seeing her perfectly swaddled, on her back in her bassinet. 

“We just did the round of eating and changing, so she should be good for a bit.”

“Great.” I grin. “So you guys gonna have one?”

“Not yet.” Clare laughs honestly, but the look she gives to Ryan makes me think it isn’t too far off.

“When you’re ready, it’s literally the best thing.” Nico murmurs, coming to slide a hand around my waist. He presses his finger tips into my stomach, pulling me back to where he is rock hard against my butt.

“Well, we will get out of your hair. Gotta get my baby to bed.” Clare jokes, nudging Ryan towards the door.

“Why am I so tired? All I did was hold her?” Ryan mutters as they work towards the entry way. I follow, leaving my horny husband in the living room to cover his situation.

“Bye! Thanks again!” I wave to them, then shut the front door. The air in the house instantly changes when we are alone… with our sleeping baby.

I come back into the living room to find Nico staring at her. His brown eyes are absolute mush, taking in the center of his world. He brings his gaze to me. I lick my bottom lip then tuck it between my teeth. Nico begins to move towards me. I feel my breathing accelerate as he reaches for my hips. I toss my arms around his shoulders. Our mouths crash together, lips and tongues caressing each other shamelessly.

“I can’t wait anymore.” He whispers harshly against my mouth. “If you touch me, I’ll come in my pants.” I pull my head back to let out a loud laugh at his eagerness. Our baby startles in her crib. Both Nico and I hold our breath, clutching each other desperately, praying she settles herself back down. She stays asleep.

“We should leave this room.” I tell him. He nods, grabbing the portable baby monitor from the counter and hooking it to her bassinet. We both run up the hall as quietly and fast as possible.

When we get to the bedroom, all of my confidence begins to shatter. It starts when he brushes his hands innocently over my leftover baby pooch. I shiver, thinking of what that’s going to look like fully exposed. Then, his fingers run lovingly over my back, stroking a few bulges of pudge left there too. My eyes close, trying to enjoy his strokes on my ass, but I think of just a few inches forward, wondering if it’s all going to be the same for him. He’s been counting the days down; what if he’s disappointed in me now?

Nico kisses his way along my jaw. I squeeze my eyes shut as he works on the button on my jeans. I feel like every part of me is jiggling with his movement. HIs fingers brush against the baby pooch again. I react, gripping his wrist to halt his movements.

“What?” He asks, pulling back to look at me. My eyes are still shut.

“Can we turn the lights off?”

“Ah…” He chuckles. “I kinda wanna see you, babe. It’s been awhile.”

“Yeah I know. Um, and I’m different.” I say quietly. My eyes open to look at him. He wears an inquisitive look that stretches the corners of his lips into a deep frown. A wrinkle appears between his eyebrows. “I look different.” My voice is small as I reiterate what I know.

Nico steps away to take me in. I reach down to cover what is exposed of my abdomen.

“Put those hands down.” 

“Nico.”

“Baby.” I feel my bottom lip wobble as I drop my hands. “Beautiful. I wish you could see what I do when I look at you. You’re stunning. I want to worship you. I want to kiss every single part of pregnancy left on your body.” He reaches for my hand. I weave our fingers together, looking at our feet. He steps closer, nudging my chin up to look at him. “You have given us the greatest gift. And I love every single reminder of that on you now.” His hand, linked with mine, comes up and runs along the stretch marks fanning across my lower abdomen. “I’m going to praise every bit of it on you for the rest of our lives, starting with tonight.”

“Ugh, you are so sweet.” I mumble, stepping forward to kiss him hard. His hands go around my hips, into my jeans, then to my bare ass cheeks. He squeezes them heftily, grinding me against his front. 

Together, we undress each other. Nico’s shirt get tossed. My jeans are pushed down. He kicks off his pants around his ankles and we are both left in our underwear. He nudges me back towards our bed, sitting me down on it. I work my way back, without letting our kiss break. When I’m flat, Nico arranges one of my legs around his waist so he can rub against my folds. I moan into his mouth. While still giving kisses, his hand works it’s way between our bodies, feeling at my entrance. I hold my breath, listening to the sound of me slick against him. Nico pulls roughly away, pausing. 

“I need a minute.” He laughs, looking up at the ceiling. I reach for him, seeing the wetness puddling on his gray, boxer briefs. I stroke at the wet spot, feeling his slit as Nico hisses. “No. Stop.” He says horsely, gripping my wrist. “I was serious about cumming in my pants.”

I sigh happily as I stare up at his chin from my back. A smile stretches my lips, thinking that there isn’t much sexier than an NHL captain needing to wait so he isn’t a two pump chump. I trail my finger nails along the ridges of his abdomen, admiring my red nails complimenting his muscles. It looks sexy with light, pink trails popping up after they pass over an area. Nico tilts his head down to watch too as the goosebumps dot his skin.

“Ready?” He asks me, sweet eyes watching every flicker on my face.

“Yes.” I stare as he pulls his underwear down, kicking it off to the floor. My heart begins to beat fast in my body as I lift my hips for him to do the same to me. He gently spreads my knees so he can drink in the view. He moans, immediately leaning down and placing his lips on my folds. He kisses all along them as my breath quivers. My eyebrows crinkle in need when his tongue snakes out. 

“Fuck.” I moan, whimpering at the end as he digs in deeper. He circles my entrance with his finger, working it in, sliding it in and out. “Nicooo.” It’s been so long since I’ve had any sort of an orgasm. Nico pulls it from me with a few more strokes. He kisses up my abdomen as I recover. He comes to my lips, hovering there to look into my eyes.

“Ive missed this side of you, babe.” He nuzzles my cheek with his nose, kissing along to my jaw, then to my throat. “Your sweet noises. The way you whisper my name before you come.” I feel him place himself against my entrance, slowly rolling in a circle to get me ready for him.

When he pushes in, he is affectionate, mindful of his size and my sensitivity. I bite my lip, trying not to wince as his head inches in. This is much more than a finger. I can’t help but tense in anticipation with each slow push forward.

“Relax, baby. I’m gonna take care of you.” He feathers kisses along my breasts. My nipples are a no-go right now, but his mouth on my swells are enough to make pleasure seep from between my lips. Once he feels me relax, he slides in the rest of the way. He stays right there, filling me, pulling back to watch my face. “I love you so much.” He nuzzles our noses together then presses his lips over mine. “You are perfect. So incredible.” I bring my hands to his back, stroking his skin.

“I love you.” I repeat to him, leaning up to connect our lips again. “I trust you.”

“Tell me when.” He pulls out again, then slowly eases in once more. This time feels better, a flicker of fire dashing up my body, making a noise spurt from my throat.

“I’m ready.” I whisper in his ear as he places his head down by mine to focus.

He begins to move in and out, tenderly, then builds to a tempo that has me wiggling beneath him. He props himself up on his arms, biceps flexing from his weight as he pumps his hips- all the way in then almost all the way out. My mouth falls into an “O” heavy breathing falling from my lips as my fingers grip him tighter. Nico groans in appreciation.

“That’s it, baby. Dig your finger nails into me… just… like.. that.” He murmurs as he hits that spot inside of me. “Fuck. I’m obsessed with how you feel.” He is moaning with me now, barely able to speak his words.

I run my fingers in opposite directions on his back. One goes to his ass, pushing his bare cheeks into me harder with each thrust. The other goes to his hair, gripping his long strands as he fucks me deeper. Everything else has disappeared except for the points we are connecting with each other. Nico’s hand comes to my clit, rubbing me in large, dainty circles, just enough to get me to shake against him. He turns down to watch my face. “You look so beautiful when I’m fucking you, baby.” He is grinning, teeth shinning as he watches my breathing shorten more, cheeks flush, eyes close.

“Holy… fucking.. fuck.” I sob to Nico as I come. He unleashes into me immediately after my first wave grips him. Swiss German spews from his lips aggressively as pulse after pulse passes through us. I cling to him, muscles spasming, hovering off the bed before collapsing back onto the mattress, breathing heavy, sporadic puffs. His hands go around me and he rolls us, so I collapse on top of his chest. He pants beneath my body weight, stroking his hand from my hair to my butt cheeks. 

We lay there there for several minutes, neither of us able to speak.

Nico’s fingers run through my hair, gripping the strands in his fist to list my face up towards his. It’s gentle, but the act has me imagining the nastier nights we’ve had. I push out a silent breath, lips forming a tight O. He registers the depth of my gaze, lost in our old memories, then grins devilishly at me.

“Are you okay?”

“I’m fantastic.” I tell him, chuckling. “Can’t believe you lasted that long.”

“I was pulling out all the stops in my mind.” He shakes his head, eyes widening. “Almost didn’t make it to stroke four.” I press my mouth to the underside of his chin. “Mmm.” He grunts in appreciation.

“Thank you.” I whisper. “You always know what I need to feel loved. I… was so worried earlier and you made everything okay. You always do.”

“You know you’re all I need, babe. And if you’re happy, I’m happy.”

“I’m pretty content right now, but a bath with you would really seal the deal.” I admit to him. “Maybe rub some bubbles on some dirty places…” I trail off, meeting his gaze.

“Yes, please. Once wasn’t enough.” He maneuvers me off of him and onto my side after a slap on the ass.

He gives me a smooch before disappearing into our bathroom to set the stage for round 2.

[dreamweaversfavsandthoughs]

Rick and Morty S7 Ep. 2: The Jerrick Trap

(Not Rick, not Jerry, but some secret third thing)

Spoiler alert ahead!

My Favs

The new voice actors:

I wanted to bring this up again because I think that Ian Cardoni has really evolved into his role as the new voice actor for Rick. It’s really hard to believe that Cardoni has only had this job for about month or two but is already playing this character like he’s been there since the beginning. It didn’t once cross my mind during this episode that I was not listening to Justin Roiland anymore. Harry Belden’s Morty sounds like a nice blend of Roiland’s Season 1 and Season 6 performance of that character.

Freaky Friday:

I appreciate that they didn’t do a clean body-swap but gave RickBody and JerryBody an amalgamation of the two minds in conflict with each other, but then evolving over the course of the episode into someones (or something) with its own identity.

Chuxly:

I kinda have a soft spot for Chuxly. He’s just a mid-tier criminal who’s trying not to cause any unnecessary trouble. He doesn’t need any incompetent goons kidnapping the precious grandson of the most dangerous man in the universe and he’ll kiss as much ass as he can until his lips are ass-colored.

Your dad’s a gay assassin?:

It’s a spectrum

Conehead missle:

So gross but RickBody looked so happy! Also I get why RickBody and JerryBody would like that movie because it is so dumb and so weird in a good way.

Burger and Fries!

God I love their cute name for each other! Also, am I the only person who found them snorting crystals together as they remember their love for Morty weirdly endearing.

Rick and Jerry’s half-assed note to the family:

But they wrote a novel for Gene

Do you hear the symphony of atoms dying in space?:

I don’t blame Summer for wanting to listen to a podcast. I would want to distract myself from whatever that is driving the car.

The Stupid Rake Gag:

This joke is older than God herself and in hindsight I should have seen this coming. The inciting incident was due to Gene stealing a rake. It was all laid out for this to happen but it was so cleverly concealed until it happened that I was absolutely taken off-guard. God I love that Jerry and Rick were rescued from their monstrous Jerricky form by a corny rake gag.

Rick and Jerry care about each other. They really do!

Though they’ll never admit it.

Memory Rick!

He’s alive and well and kept Rick and Jerry from completely losing their minds to Jerricky. Sadly, he might be stuck in Jerry’s mind for awhile unless he can make use of springs and gears and only springs and gears. I imagine there’s going be an episode in the future about his escape.

My Not Favs:

Jerricky:

He will haunt my dreams until my dying breath in which he will then greet me at the gates of Hell where he will orchestrate my torture for all eternity and a day. Personally, I wasn’t a huge fan of Jerricky and the final fight with him and why did they give it a six-pack? Neither Jerry or Rick have a six-pack. Who do they think they’re fooling?

Rick’s mind was a bit overpowering:

Maybe this is because Rick is a character with such a big personality but I felt like the aspects that could be Jerry was a bit drowned out. RickBody and JerryBody acted mostly like Rick with sprinkles of Jerry rather than an even mix of the two.

A criminal lack of Morty:

Morty (or should I say, Rick Jr.) maybe turning into a little criminal but I would like to have some more screen time with him. There’re eight more episodes left so I’m not too worried about this but I think Morty is a little underutilized for a character who has some great story potential (and his name is in the title of the show). However, I’m glad we got to see more of him compared to the last episode. He is getting so confident and not waiting around for his grandpa/dad and dad/grandpa to get himself out of trouble.

My Thoughts:

I love myself a Rick and Jerry team-up episode and this episode was no different. Rick and Jerry may never admit it, but they are more alike than different and their minds meld well together ( as long as they don’t make a Jerricky). The Rick/Jerry dynamic has always been rife with conflict since the first episode when Jerry tried to convince Beth to put Rick in a nursing home because Rick pulled Morty out of school, repeatedly, behind their backs. In a sweet moment in the middle of the episode we hear them admit that Rick doesn’t believe Jerry is useless and that Jerry sees Rick as a friend. By the end of the episode, they are back to bickering at each other again but we know as an audience that it comes from a place of love for each other and their love for Summer, Morty and Daughterwife. This episode, in my mind, was much stronger than last week’s and oh so weird in the best possible way, except for maybe Jerricky. Jerricky was the weakest part of the episode with the fight scene being a bit lackluster for an otherwise bonkers episode. Though that rake gag killed me. They really did just sneak that in and thought I wouldn’t notice, which I didn’t so good job on their part. It absolutely felt like a classic Rick and Morty episode and I hope each episode continues getting better and better. Also, it was nice seeing Memory Rick again and,

“Yeah, Memory Rick, Rick totally got rid of you on purpose.”

[dj-bynum3718]

Of Fire and Ice -Chapter 3

Melissa Schemmenti X reader X Larissa Weemes   

Summary: remembering

Words: 3278

Notes: NGL this made me sad.

Warnings: slight angst

You blink awake and look around the dark room glancing to the side at the clock on the night stand. 8:24 nope you refuse to leave your bed this early on a Saturday, you roll over your eyes met with a beautiful sight.

Her hair messy from sleep framing her like a halo. A gentle smile on her face you gently push a strand of hair out of her face tracing her cheek softly.

“What time is it?” She mummers softly eyes still closed. You glance back “8:29 it’s still early go back to sleep love” you pull her to you and she wraps her arms around you laying her head on your chest going back to sleep.

You place a gentle kiss to the crown of her head, the smell of her shampoo flooding your senses. You relax in her hold cupping the nape of her neck softly. The love you have for the woman in your arms is immense.

You let the the strong pull of sleep lull you back into your dreams where she awaits you.

——

“(Y/N) are you listening to me?” You snap your head up. “No love I’m sorry I was drifting. What did you say?”

She lets out a huff “I was saying that work is taking over and you never have time for me anymore….” You look up at the tone she uses absolutely heart breaking.

“You’re right love I’m so sorry” you stand up collecting all of it and closing it into your bag without a second thought. “You have my undivided attention now” She grins that smile that you would give anything to see for the rest of your life.

She holds her hand out to you, and you grab it not hesitating following her out of the room.

——

You are sitting on the couch looking at the dying fire. Your empty wine glass long forgotten as you hold the neck of the bottle instead. You look at the clock again 9:37.

You stand sighing and turning off the tv. A flick of your wrist and the food in the kitchen is put away. A dinner you were supposed to share. She is late too late, you would be worried if she didn’t call 2 hours ago to tell you she was sorry and that it be any time now.

But here you were in the house you shared alone. Food forgotten, empty wine bottle in hand and the fire that she always insisted on reducing to just an amber. She was always cold so you made sure it was well taken care of but tonight you couldn’t bring yourself to care.

You make your way to your joint room and the door swings open. “Oh darling you are still awake” “it’s 9:00 at night you are 6 hours late home from work. I was worried”

“I did call to tell you I would be!” “We had plans tonight! I moved everything for tonight for you!” You rub your hands over your face.

“You know what I don’t want to fight tonight I’m going to bed” you make your way up the stairs leaving her in the entryway.

——

You open the door to your room one last time. The room you shared for 3 and a half years. Looking around grabbing the last of your things off the counter and putting them into your bag.

Your breath hitches as you feel the small velvet box. You close your eyes pulling it out finally opening it to look at it the first time in 4 months.

The princess cut diamond looking back at you, shining in the soft light. You make a decision a dumb one you are sure but a decision none the less. You place the box in her bedside drawer it’s customized for her she might as well keep it.

You walk out of the room zipping your bag stopping in the entryway looking at her. You are both in tears. “I’m sorry this didn’t work” she hugs you softly.

“Me too.” You hug her back kissing her cheek chastely. You could’ve fought harder. Begged her to let you stay. But you couldn’t keep doing this.

You pull back from the hug brushing her tears away. You grab your bag walking out the door. You look up at her “I love you Larissa I always will.”

“I love you too.” She looks at you her arms wrapped around herself. It’s like a punch to the gut. You wish your arms were around her instead, wish you would stop being stupid and run to her and apologize.

But she was the one who said it wasn’t working. So this would be her best chance you suppose. Nothing to hold her back, she would find someone else you are sure of it.

You get into your car and drive away pulling off to finally let your emotions out. Sobbing erratically wanting so badly to go to her, but you keep pushing telling yourself it’s for the best.

——

You wake up in a cold sweat whipping your tears. Not a way you wanted to start a morning, with memories of your past coming to haunt you but that is life you supposed.

You check the time 5:45 might as well get ready for work. You climb out of bed to start your day brushing all of your memory to the back to deal with later.

[peemanne]

Yakuza 3 Review: Shining "Black Sheep"

Hey, it's Pee again. I actually finished writing the first draft of this AND my Yakuza 4 review months ago on my notebook, but I didn't get around to transcribing it digitally until now. Ended up rewriting a lot more than I was expecting haha

Also I still need to finish my 0 review but I'm a little caught up on making my 6 review first, since I'm kind of just dying to talk about it. Anyways, here's Yakuza 3. It's so cool.

This review contains MAJOR SPOILERS.

Reviewed on April 10, 2024. Last completed on March 5, 2023

Completed on PC (Remastered)

Rating: 8/10 (4 Stars)

Yakuza 3’s become something of a black sheep within the community. It might be because of the jump from Kiwami 2 or the lack of a proper port of the original 2, but a part of the community seems to be so adamant about bashing 3, usually because of the combat, the story, or some mix of both. That being said, I’ve noticed that we’re kind of backtracking from that, as more and more people come to praise and appreciate 3, some even calling it one of the best. Personally, I do find myself liking Yakuza 3 quite a bit, though there are definitely a few missteps that hold it back from really sitting there with the other greats in RGG’s catalogue. 

I just want to get one thing immediately out of the way as I get into the game’s combat: “Blockuza” is an overblown exaggeration. Kiryu has a lot of tools to get past something like that. With that being said though, Yakuza 3’s early game combat can feel a little miserable at times, especially with some egregiously bad boss fights like Tamashiro 1 and Rikiya. Once you grab the Komaki abilities though, it all really starts to open up for the player. Wall bounding with Kiryu’s moveset is fun, counterattacks like the Komaki Parry and Tiger Drop feel especially beefy in this entry, and 3’s engine allows for some neat off-the-ground tech if you know what you’re doing. While I don’t think it’s quite as satisfying as its predecessor Yakuza 2, Yakuza 3’s hits still feel hefty and impactful, with the aforementioned counterattacks being the big winners here. The sound design in the combat is still really solid, and I believe is something that usually goes underappreciated during discussions of this game’s combat (and in general, really). I also just wanna bring up the weird messed-up faces that appear after you use heat actions on the generic street goons. It’s very funny just how absolutely horrible they look after a fight, and it’s even funnier that this carries over to 4. One aspect that I do feel is a little lacking though is Kiryu’s damage in this entry. It’s weirdly lacking? And it’s not like bosses take too long, that’s not really my problem, but it makes heat actions feel oddly weightless despite the good animation work. Getting everything right for a heat action only for it to barely dent the poor soul you’re beating the snot out of just doesn’t feel the same. For comparison, Y4’s Kiryu feels like he does way more damage with his heat actions, and I think they feel better there because of it, which is interesting when you remember Y4 Kiryu is almost identical to his depiction in 3. Yakuza 3’s combat overall is pretty solid save for the early game. It’s far from the strongest this series has seen, but Kiryu’s moveset feels strong and is just pretty fun to mess around with. Props to Richardson for being the only actually enjoyable gun boss fight in the series. With that being said, please keep Lau Ka Long away from me. 

Yakuza 3’s story arguably has Kiryu at his best. He finally gets to breathe in between constant Tojo feuds with some dad slice-of-life stuff at the orphanage, and all of it is just so, so cute. It’s a little slow, sure, and that might not be everyone’s cup of tea, but I found myself so charmed by it all. My heart melts seeing Kiryu, who’s gone through so much, get to be happy with his little scamps. The characters really come through here, the stars of course being the Ryudo family. Rikiya’s the brightest one, a fun companion throughout who both contrasts and bounces off of Kiryu well. Then there’s Nakahara and Saki, a sweet encapsulation of the game’s themes of fatherhood. And there’s the kids themselves, all distinct and fun to simply watch run around with their Uncle Kaz. My favorite one is Taichi because he’s awesome. 

The rest of the plot though, I’m a little mixed on. There are some genuinely great stuff here: Mine’s an amazing antagonist despite his small amount of screentime, seeing the Tojo so broken down after Kiryu’s shenanigans in 1&2 was interesting (the Nishikiyama family having KANDA as its patriarch is my favorite example of this), Majima’s characterized shockingly well, this game marking the start of him being taken more seriously, and Joji’s honestly a cool ass character despite being an asspull and a half. Unfortunately, Yakuza 3 has a few egregious mistakes that impede it from being an all-timer story for this series. For one, 3 falls victim to a lot of early writing habits that this series eventually broke out of over time. A lot of characters unjustly die for no good reason, Mine and Kashiwagi being the biggest offenders. It also has the big ol’ “Kiryu forgets to disarm the bad guy and said bad guy kills a valued ally” schtick, and it’s as infuriating as ever. Then there’s the “giant exposition dump” chapter, with Yakuza 3 having by far the worst case of it ever with Chapter 9: The Plot, which is almost entirely dedicated to Kiryu and Date sitting down and listening to some politician explain what the hell is even going on. Despite all of this, Yakuza 3’s story is still very enjoyable, and I think it’s very much worth it to endure all of its little shortcomings to appreciate its amazing characters, both new and returning faces. 

Side content is decently well-rounded for the most part in Y3. It introduced the series to Karaoke, for which we are all eternally grateful, of course. I really like the hostess songs in this entry, and it’s a shame that most of them don’t return for later games. 3 also has the hitman missions, which is a cool side-activity throughout. Additionally I hate Yakuza 3’s golf and everything it stands for Yakuza 3’s substories consist of a lot of filler substories where not much really happens, but the ones that stand out REALLY stand out. You have a really unique substory that spans from Chapter 9 until the finale in Murder at Cafe Alps, you have some silly gag substories like Kiryu having to cross the street with 2 massive ice-cream cones. You have substories that flesh out characters from the main story, like the amazing Dotting the Eye with Rikiya, and the sweet Date’s Pride substory. You can also have Kiryu say “H e y ,  s w e e t c h e e k s” in English, if you so please. I love it! 1-4 all have substories that occasionally use full-on cutscenes, and you can tell how much care they put into them. Yeah, it still has that annoying thing from other early games where you can flat-out fail a substory and lock you out of them, but still. Quality selection of substories. 

Lastly, 3’s soundtrack. I’m absolutely a sucker for this series’ soundtrack, so I’m not even going to pretend that I’m not biased. Yakuza 3’s music bridges the gap between the roughness and raw power of the original Yakuza 1 & 2’s almost grungelike style with the cleaner compositions of the later games, and I think it works out pretty well! You have your badass tracks like FM-Sound’s Storm, Bruise, and Hear this in the game. You have your intense, climactic songs like the fan-favorite Fly, the beautiful Lyricism Without Tears (which, as a bonus, gets one of the coolest track names this series has ever been graced with), and the underrated End Point. I find Yakuza 3’s OST isn’t really talked about all that much outside of the justified praise of Fly, which is a real shame, because there are some real quality tracks on display here. 

Yakuza 3 stands as a very solid game in its own right, even with a few annoyances bogging it down. I don’t think it deserved all of the unending slander it seems to receive. I love my dad Kiryu, I love seeing him hang out with his kids, and, despite all the bad, I still love this game. Also, Albert Wesker’s in it, and I think that’s pretty funny.

[izzy-b-hands]

On a happier note, I am enjoying having to research baby milestones for the Midwifery Charge AU (fic and nostalgia rambles below the cut)

(which at this point, thanks to the help of a good friend, I've realised is best done as a collection of lil one shots from moments in it. I just. don't have the mental anything nor the organisation to do a multichap full fic rn. Y'all know I lose steam too easily on those and just don't do them as well as I do simple oneshots. I wrote a full original trilogy at age 10 and again at like age 21; I used all my 'full multichap project' juice too early in life AND both trilogies kind of sucked ass. RIP to them may their memory never find me again let alone be a blessing but I digress)

Bc it means I get to remember all the cute shit the cousins did when I was helping raise them and like. certain bits can be used for baby in the fic even!

Like how the oldest one learned to roll over from one direction, but then couldn't replicate it going the other way, and she would just. lose her shit wailing until someone rolled her over that way. Then she was good until oh fuck oh no, she rolled over right to left again and to her lil brain it was too different from rolling left to right, she's stuck forever oh g-oh hey someone rolled her back to her tummy. neat.

We never let her sit for more than a second or two stuck (mostly to try and encourage her to. ya know. Realise that she could in fact roll herself both ways and it would be fine. Took her time but she got there lol) and I'm just

Dying at the image of the crew so carefully taking turns watching Baby (who I'm gonna reveal bc I don't think I have yet? if i have ignore me lol, is named Basilica after Izzy's deadname (he gave her the name, there's an entire Thing abt it and little moments abt his journey as a trans man tucked into this au), going by Baz for short (thank u to the aforementioned good friend for this as a nickname for the full name, bc I was struggling to figure out how to shorten it and Baz is !!! perfect!!!) )

And she's been with them longer than expected. 4-6 months is the average that I've found for when babies learn to roll over, so maybe she's abt 5 months old at this point.

Doing tummy time with Fang and she does it! Right to left rolling over, absolutely perfect, stunning, no notes, they're gonna make her a medal but-

Oh no. She's gotta roll left to right now, and instead of rolling the other way she just panics and weeps and everyone on this ship is a big fuckin softy (i get it lol, I was with the cousins) so they keep rolling her over the other way to calm her.

Until they have a crew meeting and Jim mentions Nana telling them that sometimes, babies have to just. cry for a minute or two and learn how to do the thing. You can help, but first you have to let them try and encourage them to do it on their own. (they gloss over the fact that Jim also makes clear with this anecdote that Nana absolutely would have taught a baby how to throw a knife. And honestly, is she wrong for this? who can say, not me, but I like knives and think a baby with a knife is hilarious, so I'm biased. I'm never gonna have kids, don't worry lmao.)

Cut to everyone having tummy time while the ship is docked/anchored somewhere safeish (let's be real, for the Kraken crew, nowhere is really fully safe with all the raiding they've been doing. But Ed and Izzy and Fang all know the quieter spots other ppl have forgotten that they can rotate going to for moments like this)

In a circle, around Basilica on the blanket Frenchie designed and knit for her, while she whines and cries bc goddamn it, why is rolling the other direction so hard? So scary?

And they're all lowkey trying not to cry (Ed and Izzy the most out of all of them, for varying personal reasons that all ultimately culminate in a want for Basilica to have a better childhood than they did, including the little moments/early achievements like this) while babytalking like mad, trying to encourage her to roll the other way

It's just not happening, but juuuust as Izzy is abt to break and gently roll her over, a cannon booms in the distance

And if that adorable little shit doesn't roll left to right, then again, trying to lift her head up to see where the big noise came from. She's not even crying anymore, she's just curious!

Unfortunately, said cannon is a sign they need to head out, so they have to pick her up and get her settled in Ed's room(really Ed and Izzy's room, by this point. Are they back together in a healthy way? Not really, but they're Aware of their mutual issues and are just barely talking some of them through. or starting that process, at least) for her own safety and now she's crying bc she's so mad! She wanted to keep rolling over! She was literally on a roll, how fucking dare they pluck her off the floor so easily!!

Despite the potential incoming danger of another ship, everyone is giggling as they get the ship moving. I'm envisioning it like. U know when a baby is So Mad So Incensed, they're making those angry babbles that are loud enough to hear a room away? That sound is all they can hear aside from the waves and the far off cannon fire, and it's a mood lightener. Yeah, they might be about to fight for their lives, but listen to her! She's swearing! (I do absolutely have an idea for her first word being 'fuck' thanks to Izzy lmaooo)

And they're all as excited to escape not just for their lives, but so they can lay the blanket out again and have her show off her new skill. A little soft moment in between having to fight to save themselves or raiding for more loot (and baby gear/supplies, my god not a one of them ever thought they'd be threatening ppl for additional cloth diapers but. here they are lol.)

Anyway. Eventually I'm gonna get all the snippets posted up in an ao3 collection, including the few I've already posted here. When I get that started I'll drop a link, in the meantime I'm gonna see if I can get my brain to actually finish another oneshot for this au today lmao

[meganwasbored]

The Dragon Prince Thoughts Season 2 Episodes 5 and 6

(I thought I posted this a week ago but apparently I accidentally saved it in my drafts instead but better late than never)

I finally have the time to watch more I swear this was the most stressful week of my life

Episode 5

-“Breaking The Seal” L E T T E R ?

-I think I’ve been patient enough just open the dang letter before I lose my mind

-“I’ve done terrible things” shoot I forgot he said that is he talking about killing the dragon king or something related to that

-slightly confused about how these kingdoms work, are there multiple kingdoms within Katolis, or are these kings and queens from outside of Katolis

-“it seems I am a crown without an adult, and you are an adult without a crown” !!!!!!!!!

-BOOM GET HUMBLED

-ofc Viren had to make this all dramatic, literally just showing off at this point

-a NEW threat?? Haven’t y’all been at war for idek how many years?? How is any of this new??

-“there are reports of shadows in the clouds, dragons” MORE DRAGONS

-I take it back this room is boring, bring back the special effects

-I can’t tell if the others are scared of the elves or scared of whatever Viren just did

-I was confused why Ezran seems so chill about his father dying but then I remembered that he doesn’t even know, man this is gonna hurt

-“I won’t send my armies to face unknown danger over a two minute speech. I may be a child but apparently I’m the least impulsive of us all. Besides, I hardly call ‘we’ll do what everyone else says’ a decision.” GIRL

-I may as well quote absolutely everything Queen Aanya says because she’s my new hero

-“Sweet words can be more dangerous than hidden daggers”

-don’t mind me just crying over this flashback scene oh my gosh

-“I know you will stand by me through anything” Whoops actually he just stood there as you were murdered and is now trying to kill both your sons

-bruh even baby Ezran is a menace when it comes to jelly tarts

-“why do I deserve this? What did I do except being born with everything?” Harrow buddy you deserve the world

-Viren is a master manipulator and while it makes me wanna hurt him you gotta admit he knows how to get what he wants

-NO POOR BAIT JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED

-dude it looks like Viren actually cared about Harrow a lot what the heck happened to him

-Sarai is literally so awesome why do all the best characters die, this better not become a trend

-Obviously the titan isn’t actually dead idc how dead they think he looks they just went “oh he’s not moving so I’m gonna hammer a stake through him, what can go wrong?”

-Callum and Bait being besties is something I didn’t know I needed

-THE SEAL IS BROKEN I REPEAT THE SEAL IS BROKEN

-fire titan dude is pretty ugly like uglier than I thought he would be

-Venus fly trap looking head

Episode 6

-LETTER TIMEEEEEE

-why did they put this at the beginning I shouldn’t be crying this early in the episode

-they took the dragon egg MONTHS ago??? Did they say this before cause I thought it was like years ago, I’m so confused with this timeline

-IT JUST CUTS OFF???

-YALL BETTER NOT BE MAKING ME WAIT AGAIN TO HEAR TO REST OF THAT LETTER I SWEAR

-oh my gosh I’m freaking stupid this story is how his mom dies isn’t it

-“the injured must be left behind” right when past-Viren earns my respect again he says stupid stuff like that

-“you wouldn’t do this if it wasn’t your wife’s sister” well I don’t see a ring on your finger so how would you know

-“I ask you and your brother to reject history as a narrative of strength, and instead have faith that it can be a narrative of love”

-all these flashback scenes are so cute I just know I’m gonna rewatch the heck outta this episode

-“Rayla, that’s a funny name” it’s literally the most normal name out of every character we’ve met

-The boat guy (I forgot his name so I’m just gonna call him Boat Guy) encouraging Rayla to literally kill people is hilarious

-“I’ve never actually killed anyone”

“Maybe someday! Never give up on your

dreams!”

-“with the heavy heart of the titan, and the additional burden of carrying the wounded” I actually wanna punch him through the screen just the way he said that makes me so mad, like he’s bitter about Harrow not wanting to leave most of their soldiers there to die

-Zym steals my heart all over again every second he’s on screen

-“you can’t control where the river goes, there’s one thing you can know and control, yourself”

-“I want to talk to you about life and growing up and how sometimes there are changes you don’t expect” WAIT IS THAT THE THING CALUM SAID TO EZRAN I THINK THATS THE THING CALLIM SAID TO EZRAN

-“free yourself from the past, learn from it, understand it, then let it go” y’all don’t understand how much I needed to hear this rn

-I KNOW YOURE NOT TELLING THIS POOR GRIL WHAT HER MOTHERS WOULD HAVE WANTED TO GET HER VOTE YOU KNOW NOTHING ABOUT WHAT HER MOTHERS WOULD HAVE WANTED

-Viren throwing a baby tantrum the second someone tells him no is hilarious, the child in the room is more mature than he will ever be

-that fact that Harrow gave Callum the cube of all things makes it seem like he knew that Callum was gonna be a mage

-“extra-super-secret-bonus-secret” I love him so much we lost him way too soon

-DRAGON DRAGON DRAGON

[alskyllhasarrived]

I apologize for the amount of questions for this, I wanted to ask a lot about your characters using the prompts

Draconia: 1, 7, 11

Eli-Enore: 1, 13, 15, 24

Exceed: 4

Jeremiah: 6, 14, 19, 23

Owen: 9, 11, 17

Any characters of your choosing: 19, 25

Draconia

1. I mean...EoV does basically explain that. She kinda flipped out and did everything she could to prevent it, even if it was hopeless

7. She would panic and try to save it herself, probably getting herself hurt or killed in the process

11. That entirely depends on her mood that day. If she felt like doing some good deeds and earning a couple brownie points, she'd try to hunt down the owner. But if she didn't, that's her wallet now

Eli-Enore

1. As he currently is in-story? He's perfectly resigned himself to the idea of death and would probably be more upset that he has to wait rather than dying instantly

13. We're talking about the king of denial here. You could wave all the evidence in his face for months and if he didn't want to believe it he wouldn't. He wouldn't even try to prove his own point either. He'd just sit there like a stubborn toddler until it's a life-or-death situation

15. Contrary to popular opinion, he would not undo one of the traumatic events in his life. He'd undo one of the times he threatened his sister's boyfriend

24. He'd be absolutely heartbroken and probably stop talking to that person for a long time, if not forever

Exceed

4. Those are his kittens now

Jeremiah

6. If his daily routine is interrupted, it's all over. He can't remember what he's supposed to do next and now he can't just muscle memory it. He will end up just wandering in circles

14. He doesn't remember any of his past lovers or friends so he probably wouldn't have a clue what they're talking about. He'd be a little distressed over not being able to verify their claims, but would probably just walk away from the situation and blow them off

19. "Good news, kid, we're both lost :D But if you hang out I can try my best to get you home or at least keep you safe until someone finds you"

23. Let's be honest, he's got a terrible competitive streak. He loves kids and would take it on initially intending to throw it and let the kid win, but about halfway through the race he'd forget that, remember only that he's racing, and absolutely obliterate all that child's hopes and dreams

Owen

9. Oh no his greatest secret oh no now the whole world knows that he's a whore oh no--wait everyone already knew that lol (fr though he doesn't know what trust issues are, everyone knows all of his business)

11. He has now made it his personal mission to return that wallet. You will not see him until he has

17. Whoever invited him is either going to regret it or proceed to invite him on every trip ever after. He's very loud, he's very outgoing, he wants to do all the things, and if you're into that, he'd make the trip a helluva lot more fun. If you're not, you will hate his guts by the end

We'll do Jesse

19. He's going to find that kid's parents and give the kid the best day of their life all at once. Whatever it takes to keep the kid happy while he finds their parents he will do.

25. He'd probably be like "dude what the fuck you could've given me a semi-decent backstory and instead you decided "nah let's make it hell" and then continue on with daily life with the constant muttering "you better make it worth it"

[scribble-scrabbles]

Writing Prompt - A Blind Date

My phone buzzed on the comforter beside me. I shot it a glare, hoping to frighten it into silence, then curled tighter under my blanket and refocused on my latest true crime drama obsession. A few moments passed and I relaxed, thankful for the reprieve. It was my only day off between two long stretches in the Emergency Department, and I would be damned if I spoke to anyone today. In fact, I may not even leave this bed. 

Bzzt bzzt. My phone echoed a few minutes later. 

I studiously ignored it again. Another minute passed.

Bzzt bzzt. A few second pause. Bzzt bzzt. Followed nearly instantly by another buzz. I growled and reached for it. 

“This had better be good.” I told the tiny, plastic monster. 

An alert for four unread text messages from Val Spencer, my best friend from work, sat on my home screen. The phone buzzed once more in my hands, bumping the total up to five. I rolled my eyes as I flicked through the text messages.

Hey, are u up?

I’m kind of in a bind and I need your help. 

Are you ignoring me?

Bitch?

It will be fun!

I snorted and considered ignoring her further, but the phone buzzed with a call this time. 

“Go away.” I groaned in greeting.

“Oh shut up, you don’t mean that.” Val said, using her perky voice. “Have you been ignoring me?”

“Yes.”

“Bitch!”

“Yes, now you’re mad at me and you’re going to leave me alone right?”

“Yeah absolutely not, I need you.”

“No one needs me today.”

“Look, I know you just worked a bunch in a row but…” Val trailed off, obviously knowing this was going to be a hard sell.

“And you know I work a bunch more starting tomorrow….” I mimicked her tone.

“I know, I know, and I will owe you a massive favor.” Val said hastily.

“Pretty sure you already owe me one or two of those.” 

“Pretty sure that goes both ways, sister.” She snarked. “Listen, Tyler and I had a double date planned tonight with his best friend and Nikki backed out on me last minute.”

“Absolutely not.” I nearly hung up the phone right there.

“But it’s for a concert I have been dying to see for months! She got Covid, it’s not like I can tell her to suck it up.” 

“Tell someone else to suck it up, Valencia.” I emphasized her full name to let her know I was serious. “ I literally cannot. I don’t think I can even force myself out of bed.  I just pulled three twelve-hour shifts and yesterday was absolute hell. I’m staring down four more on the other side of today, and I just can’t.” “Mikayla Reynolds, I need you! If I can’t get anyone else to come on this date then Tyler is making me cancel the whole thing.” Her voice was earnest now. “I have been wanting to see these guys  in concert for as long as I can remember and this is the first time they have ever come close to this shit-hole town. The only reason Ty agreed to go was so we could try to fix up his friend, and if I don’t find someone he’s going to refuse to go at all. I’ve called six other people already this morning, and you’re my last hope.” She paused and took a deep breath. “Please?”

The earnest need in her tone finally cracked me. 

“Where am I going, when do I need to be there, and what am I wearing?” I sighed, dramatically. Val squealed in delight and started giving me instructions. 

We were meeting at 6 at a restaurant a few blocks away from the theater where the band was playing downtown. It was a typical rock concert and the restaurant was casual enough, so at least I wouldn’t have to try and be fancy. I swung my legs off the bed and then sat for a moment with my head in my hands. I hadn’t been exaggerating, I was absolutely bushed both mentally and physically. Yesterday had been critical patient after critical patient, and absolutely nothing had gone my way. We had lost a young patient, which was always hard on the entire department, but I had also had to deliver some really bad news to several really nice people over the past few days. The level of bad juju had been substantially greater than normal, and it had taken a toll.  I needed the mental break and the emotional break. But, I supposed I just had to put on my armor for one more day and pack the exhaustion away for another day. 

Still, it took a few moments to shift my mindset from “borderline panic attack” to “let’s just get through this” - which was longer than I typically needed  to ground myself.  I tried not to think about the last few days or the days to come, and instead focused on the possibility of actually having fun, which felt improbable but perhaps not impossible. 

“So much for a relaxing day to recharge.” I grumbled, putting my phone on  the nightstand - and got to work. 

*****************************

At 5:45, I pulled into a parking deck about halfway between the restaurant and the concert venue. I checked my makeup quickly in the rearview mirror, reapplying some light lip gloss before getting out and gathering my purse and texting Val that I had parked.. I walked the two blocks to the restaurant, which turned out to be somewhere between an actual restaurant and a sports bar.  At least it was casual. 

Val met me at the door with an enormous hug. I was happy to see we had dressed similarly in jeans, a logo tee, and a light jacket against the fall breeze. Her blonde hair was flowing in ringlets down her back, and I tried not to get my fingers tangled in the long stands as I extricated myself from her grasp. 

“Thank you, thank you, thank you!” She chanted. “I promise, I’ll make this up to you.”

“Doubtful.” I grumbled. “But, it’s good to see you happy.” 

“Well, let’s see how you like Jake, shall we?” Val said with a wicked glint in her eyes that made me wonder if she really had called six other people before me. She slid her arm through mine and began leading me towards the back of the restaurant. “You know I don’t like anybody but you, kid.”  I smirked at her and patted her hand on my arm. 

“Alright, Mikah, meet Jake, Ty’s best friend from college. He’s a computer-something at the engineering firm where Ty works.” Val had stopped in front of a dimly lit table in the back corner of the restaurant. She gestured at a vaguely masculine looking figure that was mostly hidden in the shadows of the table. “Jake, meet Mikah, my best friend and the best damn physician assistant in  our emergency department.” 

The figure stood then, extending his hand and stepping into the light so that his features were finally illuminated. My breath caught in my chest as I took in his tawny hair, stylish black plastic glasses, and soulful brown eyes. Eyes that were uncomfortably familiar, and looked equally startled to see me. I stared at him for a beat too long before recovering and taking his hand to shake. 

“It’s a pleasure to meet you.” I said, hating the strain in my voice. Val nudged me with her elbow and smiled reassuringly, taking my moment of pause to mean attraction and not recognition. He gestured to the seat beside him and I joined him in the shadows, which I welcomed in the moment.  As we sat, he squeezed my arm. When I glanced at him he shook his head ever so slightly, and I took his meaning immediately. They don’t know. 

My heart slammed in my chest as the last few days came rushing back. My brain froze for a few moments, replaying the last time I had seen him with his jaw set determinedly in the ER, masking any emotion that may have tried to surface. I was mentally stuck in that last conversation, paralyzed with what to do now that a person I never should have seen again was suddenly here. What had it been, two days ago? Three? They all ran together after a while. 

He squeezed my arm again, snapping me back to the present. My mind raced, catching up to the present and realizing all over again that he hadn’t told anyone he had been to the ER, much less what he had learned. My heart ached and a rush of emotion suddenly lodged in my throat. He was here and also didn’t want to be - didn’t need to be - and he was begging me to play this cool. I looked back at him, barely able to make out his eyes and gave him a quick nod of understanding. I flipped my arm over and gripped his from beneath and returned the squeeze, before dropping it. Your secret is safe with me. 

Technically, his secret had to be safe with me. He had been my patient, and it would be breaking a federal law for me to say anything.

But, then it struck me, shouldn’t his friends know so they could be there for him in the coming days and weeks? Didn’t I also have an obligation to Val and Ty?

I glanced back at him and saw his eyes still on me. My vision had adjusted some and I could now make out the tight crease of his brows and set of his jaw. He was terrified and I alone had the power to put him out of his misery. 

“Earth to Mikah.” Val kicked me underneath the table, snapping me back to the moment. I looked across the table and was relieved to see that the shadows obscured most of her and Ty’s faces. I hoped that meant ours were as well. “Are you listening to a word I’m saying?”

“Do I ever listen to a word you say?” I snarked, returning her kick playfully.

“Well, that’s true.” “Besides, I’m exhausted and you drug me out into public anyway.” I grumbled. “I’m sorry, Jake, I may not be the best companion tonight.” 

“Hey, anybody who gives it back to Val is already top marks in my book.” He said, all traces of worry removed from his brow.

“Yeah, we’ll get along fine then.” 

“Anyway, what were you saying, bossypants?” I returned to Val. “I was asking if you knew anything about this band.” 

“Of course I know this band, I play them in the doc box all the time. It’s one of Johnson’s favorite playlists.” I said, referring to the dictation area where I sat with an attending physician during our shifts. It was a little removed from the nursing station, which allowed us to play music and have more discreet conversations without being overheard by patients.  Johnson was one of our younger attendings who worked way too many hours and ran on caffeine and sarcasm - which basically made him my twin.

“Oh God, you don’t think he’s coming do you?” Val said, sounding stricken. 

“Pretty sure he’s working.” 

“Oh thank God.” She said with a sigh of relief. “What’s so bad about him?” Jake asked.

“He’s an asshole.” Val said.

“He’s just surly.” I defended him. “He’s really not bad one-on-one. I think he might be fun at a concert.” 

“Well, I’m glad we don’t have to find out tonight.” “Do we have to talk about y’alls work?” Ty grumbled. “Do we have anything else to talk about?” I quipped. Ty was not my favorite person, but I tolerated him because Val loved him and he was good to her. 

“We could talk about our work.” Jake suggested. “No thanks, I don’t want to take a nap and miss the concert.” Val laughed.

“Same.” Ty said. “So, Jake, why don’t you tell Mikah a little more about yourself.” 

“You don’t have to drive the conversation, Ty, this isn’t a dating show.” Val scoffed. “We can talk about whatever we want.” 

“We could always talk about all the ways Ty is an asshole. That’s always fun.” I said, gleefully.

Unfortunately, Ty was rescued by the arrival of our waitress. “Is this everybody?” She asked.

“Yes.” Said Val and Ty in unison. “Okay great! My name’s Jess and I’ll be serving you tonight. What can I get you guys to drink?” “Water.” I said. “Can you tell me what’s on tap?” Ty asked, and I stopped paying attention to the conversation after that. I glanced at Jake out of the corner of my eye and saw him studying the menu. His finger tapped restlessly against the plastic and I could see his knee bouncing just a little bit, but his face was a mask of indifference. He was definitely as nervous as I felt. I took a breath and forced my own leg to still. While it was difficult to see details in the low lighting, I noted the pallor of his skin and the slightly increased rate of breathing. I wondered if Val had noticed, but I doubted anyone would at this stage, unless they knew to look. 

My mind whirled back to the moment I saw the results of his CT scan. My heart dropped and I had retreated to the “panic room” part of my brain, where I only go when it’s bad. I’m not allowed to feel anything in there, so all of my decisions become purely clinical. I cannot care for a patient if my heart is breaking into a thousand pieces like a normal human - none of us can in emergency medicine. If we let ourselves feel everything we should feel for every single patient, we couldn’t function. All of that hurt and pain had to go somewhere. Still, it was hard to do, especially with someone my own age. 

I had made a few phone calls, ensuring there was a plan of action - either admitting him to the hospital or rapid follow up after discharge. No one would admit him, but they did agree to follow up the next day in their office. I had taken a few moments in the empty dictation room to organize my thoughts and steel myself before going in to deliver  the news. “I know what’s wrong with you.” I had said, taking a seat next to the bed. Jake was sitting on the bed, scrolling through his phone, but utterly alone, as he had been throughout the entire visit. When I spoke, he must have sensed my demeanor, because he immediately put down the phone and gave me all of his attention. “Well, that’s good.” He said, trying for some levity. “I already have a follow up arranged for you, and I’ve made sure it’s written down for you so you know where to go and when.” I said, not wanting to dodge the subject, but knowing that once I said it, he wouldn’t remember anything after the diagnosis. I had to get that in first, or else risk him forgetting. “What is it?” He asked, his hands now fidgeting in his lap. I took one last deep breath. “There’s a large tumor in your colon.” I said, voice shaking just a little bit. “It’s very concerning for cancer.” My voice steadied after a beat. “There are also several spots on your liver that are very concerning.”

His hands fell still, and I saw his eyes glass over just a little bit as he took it in. His mind was retreating, panic was threatening to set in, and I had to get in the rest while he could understand it.

“I have a follow up scheduled with oncology tomorrow morning at 9 am. I’m sorry, I tried for today but  they were booked. I also have a follow up scheduled with gastroenterology the next day, and the general surgery the day after that. It’s all written down for you, including phone numbers and addresses. Make sure you give them to whoever is going to be helping you, so they can help you keep up with it all.” 

He nodded, numbly. I knew I had already lost him, but I had to say the rest. “Try to get a planner and a binder so you can keep all the appointments and follow ups in one place. It’s also handy to have all of your paperwork printed and with you, just in case the doctors aren’t talking. I printed out your labs and imaging reports from today and put them with your paperwork, so you can have them.  It’s a whole lot of information very quickly, and having it printed to help you remember is critical so you don’t miss appointments and so you can be sure you get everything you need.”  I paused, and he nodded again. “Is there someone I can call for you?” I asked, tentatively.

“Um, no.” He shook himself a little, coming out of his stupor just a little. “No, that’s not necessary.”

I hesitated a few moments, giving him some time to think. “I have to go get the rest of your paperwork together. I know this is alot right now, so I will come back in a few minutes to answer any questions that I can. I’m not an oncologist, so I may not be able to answer all of your questions, but I will do my best. Just know that whatever the oncologist says tomorrow is probably more accurate than anything I tell you today.”

I sat with him in silence for a few moments as he stared at nothing, eyes unfocused. I knew that look, and I hated it when I had caused it. “I’m so sorry.” I said, and heard the wobble come into my voice just a little bit. I slammed shut the cracks in the panic room in my mind, caging the sorrow before it could leak out and make a mess of everything. “I wish I had better news.” I wanted to tell him that he was young and healthy and give him some sort of hope, but I also didn’t want to lie to him. Metastatic colon cancer at 38 was bad news, no matter how healthy they were otherwise.

I stood up and moved to leave the room. “I will be back in a few minutes. Please let us know if we can do anything for you in the meantime.”

I left the room to find his nurse hovering outside his door. She started following me back to the doc box on the other end of the department. “Fuck.” said Katie. “Just…” she paused, then said with more emphasis. “Fuck.”

“Yeah.” I said, twisting my lips into a sad smile. “Yeah, it’s bad.” I sat in my chair and put my hands over my head. “It’s really bad.” “What stage?” She asked, chewing on a fingernail. “Optimistically? Stage 3.” I said with a sigh. “But, realistically, probably stage 4.” 

“So he’s gonna die.” She said flatly. 

“We’re all gonna die eventually, Katie.” I said, smirking but rapidly sobering. “But yes, he’s probably dying more quickly than he should.” 

“Fuck.” She said again. “Yeah, that’s pretty much the only word for it.” 

“Only word for what?” asked Dr. Williams, strolling in with a chart in hand and taking his seat next to me. “My 38-year-old with stage 3 or 4 colon cancer.”  I said with a sigh, twirling my chair back to my computer. He put down the chart and turned to stare at me somberly. 

“Fuck.” He said.

“See?!” Katie said, gleefully, then sobered. “So what’s the plan?” 

“I have to finish his discharge paperwork, but I have all of his follow ups scheduled for the next three days.” I said, handing her a pile of paperwork with a note on the top that listed times, dates, phone numbers, and addresses of the clinics he needed to visit. “When I finish, I’m going to go back in and see if he has any questions.” “How did he take it?” She asked.

“Stoically.” I said, honestly. “He just stared off into space. I asked if we could call anyone for him and he said no. He’s been alone this whole time too, unless you saw someone I didn’t.” She shook her head in response. “Well, then I guess he’s taking it alone.” 

“He’s going to need someone to help him.” Williams said, alreadying clicking away on his computer. 

“Hopefully he has someone and they just couldn’t be here today.” I said with a shrug. I couldn’t let myself worry about that. Except now, it seemed, I did have to worry about that. Because he sat beside me now, anxious and probably overwhelmed. I bet he hadn’t told anyone about anything yet, and so he was taking all of this alone. The emotions that I had kept in the panic box pounded at the door, but I fought them back down. I still had three more shifts to get through before I could let them out. I couldn’t risk an emotional melt-down in the meanwhile. I needed to speak to him alone, soon. I glanced around the restaurant, looking for an excuse. I saw a sign for the restrooms pointing in the opposite direction from our table and thought that was as good of an excuse as any. I tried to make eye contact with Jake, but he was very purposefully ignoring me, looking at the menu that he was now gripping with white knuckles. I tapped his foot under the table and cleared my throat. Val and Ty stopped talking to look at me. Jake turned to look at me. “I’m going to run to the bathroom.” I said, scooting out from my chair and gesturing to the sign. 

I was walking away when I heard Jake say, “Actually, I think I need to go too.”

Subtle, kid. Real subtle. I thought.

I followed the signs around a corner and into a narrow corridor that passed around the kitchen. We would be well hidden back there. I only had to wait a moment until Jake found me. As he rounded the corner, I was struck by how young he looked and how healthy, despite being somewhat pale. The sharp outline of his glasses accentuated his deep brown eyes, which I realized had some small flecks of green in them, as he grew near.

“Jesus Christ, I am so sorry.” I said in a rush, as soon as he was within ear shot. “I can make an excuse and get out of here as soon as possible. I know I am the last person on the planet you want to see again.” 

He stopped and cocked an eyebrow at me. 

“Why wouldn’t I want to see you again?” He seemed genuinely confused, and for a moment I was afraid I had confused him with another patient.

“Um,” I was taken aback. “Well, I don’t think I’d want to see the person who told me I have…” I looked around quickly and dropped my voice to a whisper, “cancer.” 

“It’s not like it’s your fault.” He said, leaning back against the wall across from me. “You just happened to be the one that found it.”

“Oh.” I stammered, then recovered. “You just looked like a deer in the headlights when you saw me.” “I could say the same about you.” He countered. I shrugged. We were both quiet for a moment, before he said in a voice so soft it was difficult to hear, “Nobody knows but you.” 

I stared at him for a moment. “Wait, nobody as in ‘not a single person’ or nobody as in not Val and Ty?”

“Nobody as in nobody.” He said, returning my stare. “And I intend to keep it that way.”

“What?!” My question turned into more of a squawk.

“Nobody needs to know. This is my problem. I don’t want to bring anybody else down with it.”

“You don’t want to…”I began, then shut my mouth. Where did I even begin here? “Jake, this is a lot. You can’t hide  this from everyone forever.” I paused again, and tried to choose my next words carefully. He must be in denial. “You don’t need to do this alone.” 

“But, I do.” 

“No, I mean, you can’t do this alone. It’s too much for any one person. You need a team, a support system. Didn’t oncology talk about this?” I asked, flabbergasted. “They did, and I told them I would think about it.” He held up a hand before I could speak again. “But this is my fight and I get to choose who I tell and when.” I paused and really looked at him then. His jaw was set, muscles twitching and his hands were fists at his sides. It struck me then that this was a type of coping mechanism. Everything that happened here was out of his control - except this. And now I was here to threaten taking that control away even further. I deflated.

“I won’t tell anyone,” I said, meeting his eyes. “I promise.” 

He pursed his lips and nodded. “Thank you.” 

“We should get back before they get more suspicious.” I said. “Val is already going to know something is up, so I’ll just tell her you and I had met at a party for my ex boyfriend a few years ago.” 

“Yeah, except I don’t really do parties.”

“Well shit, me neither.” There was another beat of silence. “Any ideas?”

He crossed his arms across his chest and tapped his finger on his watch, thinking.

“How about a half truth?” He finally said. I cocked an eyebrow at him. “As in, I met you in the hospital a few days ago when I was there with my sick aunt.” 

“Yeah, but then Val is going to pepper you with questions about your aunt.”

“Well, I actually have a sick aunt, so that should be easy to answer.” 

“Oh.” I paused, then nodded. “That…could actually work.” 

He smirked at me then, and it struck me that he was actually quite handsome. That turn of his lips caused the corner of his eyes to crinkle, and his eyes sparked with mischief. “I’m good at stories.” He said with a shrug. “You mean you’re a good liar?” I quipped, smirking back. “Guess I had better watch out then.” 

“I don’t make a habit of it, if that’s what you mean. But when I do lie, I know how to be convincing.” We turned and started to walk back to the table together. There was no sense in hiding that we knew each other.  But before we cleared the corridor, I caught his arm and pulled him to stop.

“Are you sure you’re okay with this?” I asked, searching his eyes. “Because I really don’t mind leaving. I get it.”

“No.” He said, and actually smiled at me, the crinkle returning to his eyes. “No, I’m honestly kind of relieved to have someone who knows.” The smile faded. “I guess that means I’m not completely alone.” 

I smiled then. “No, I guess you’re not.”

And with that we returned to our table to begin our blind date. 

[leclerc-s]

the blue - part two

masterlist previous next

ameliaholland eras tour you’ve been absolutely wonderful! kansas city, you’re up next!

view all comments

tomholland2013 WOO! THAT’S MY FAVORITE SISTER!!

↳ ameliaholland i'm your only sister dumbass

↳ tomholland2013 well that's not true, harry and sam exist you know

↳ samholland1999 i'm telling mum.

↳ tomholland2013 that doesn't work anymore, she can't ground me

↳ username forget keeping up with kardashians i want keeping up with the hollands

landonorris THAT’S MY BEST FRIEND!

↳ ameliaholland GOOD LUCK AT SILVERSTONE BESTIE!!

↳ username a pair of best friends that we never saw coming

↳ username i love their friendship.

oscarpiastri ‘you’re doing amazing sweetie!’

↳ ameliaholland aw shucks, you're making me blush pastry boy.

↳ oscarpiastri 🙄 i won't even bother to correct you because i know you'll just keep doing it.

↳ username icons supporting icons. we love to see it.

hazosterfield you're killing it! so proud of you!

tuwaine yeah! you go baby holland!

↳ ameliaholland do i look like paddy?

↳ tuwaine a little bit, you are siblings.

↳ ameliaholland he's adopted.

↳ paddyholland2004 we look alike, if i'm adopted, so are you. HA!

↳ username peak sibling behavior right here

zendaya little rockstar 🩷

↳ ameliaholland dump my brother. date me.

↳ username she's so real for that. i too would ask zendaya to dump my brother and date me instead.

alex_albon i see we’ve been replaced by a pop star.

↳ georgerussell63 i agree alex. charles_leclerc thoughts on being replaced?

↳ charles_leclerc the twitch quartet was supposed to be forever lando! (i love your music)

↳ ameliaholland thank you! lando talks about you guys and both maxs all the time!

↳ landonorris i do not!

↳ oscarpiastri you do

maybe amelia hadn’t been too on the nose with her last song. she needed him to understand that she was done with him, for good. she wasn’t going to go back to him, not that they had ever been anything for her to go back too. amelia’s schoolgirl crush had been crushed when had drunkenly exclaimed ‘you’re an idiot if you ever think i’m going to love you back. you’re my best mate’s sister, that’s all you’ll ever be to me.’ what was it that they said of drunken words? they were sober thoughts, and as much as it hurt to admit it, she was an idiot for falling for him. but there was no reason for him to be so cruel.

perhaps the part that hurt the most was that he remembered none of his cruel words. to him everything between them was fine, and it pained her that he couldn’t take a hint, he just couldn’t take a hint that she wanted nothing to with him. it also didn’t help that right after that day he announced he had a girlfriend he had been seeing for over 6 months. she had been the other woman, not physically but emotionally, and that was just as bad.

she jumped as her phone rang, the familiar facetime tune breaking her out of her trance. lando’s joyful face stared back at her and she felt horrible for having missed the race. but in her defense she had been too tired to wake up early enough to watch it. she felt horrible but she hoped lando would understand, it’s not like she was breaking a promise.

slowly she reached for her phone to answer, and lando began screaming in joy. amelia flinched at his volume and noticed he was surrounded by other people, oscar being one of them, she could’ve sworn she saw lewis hamilton there too.

“p2!” lando shouted, “i got p2!”

amelia squealed, “congrats! that’s amazing!”

“oscar got p4! we’re literally on top of the world right now!”

“and congrats to koala too,” she smiled. oscar waved at her before someone snatched the phone from lando’s grip. amelia stopped herself from gasping at the sight of daniel ricciardo.

daniel smiled brightly at her, “you must be amelia, i’m daniel. anyways, we’re all dying to know is taylor dating fernando? have you heard anything?”

amelia laughed, “no, i haven’t heard anything. you'll be the first to know if i learn anything."

"sick," daniel claimed, "i like you baby holland."

daniel flipped the camera around to lando, the boy was laid on the floor, being crushed by alex albon and george russell who were cheering him on loudly. daniel turned the camera back around to him, "is that you're new best friend?"

"sadly, he is," amelia said.

"well baby holland, i'll let you go. i'm sure you're a very busy woman."

"i am," amelia agreed, "i'm currently in the studio."

"STUDIO?!" lando exclaimed, "new music? when? get off alex!" lando pushed alex off him as the brunette laughed loudly. lando took his phone from daniel, "when? tell me amelia!"

amelia simply smiled mischievously at him, "oh look, i have to go walk my fish!"

"amelia!" lando shouted as daniel's laughter could be heard as she hung up. her heart warmed knowing lando supported whole-heartedly. his friendship meant so much to her, and she was glad she had dragged herself out of bed the day before

lando norris amelia holland! how dare you do this to me.

oscar piastri who broke your heart? seriously.

lando norris AMELIA! ANSWER THE TEXTS!

oscar piastri please answer, he's been screaming the grudge. i have no clue how he even memorized the lyrics already.

lando norris added one person

lando norris DANIEL! GET HER TO ANSWER THE PHONE! SHE LIKES YOU!

daniel ricciardo baby holland! c'mon! he's getting impatient.

amelia holland sorry, tom and his friend were being annoying.

lando norris what friend?

amelia holland harrison.

oscar piastri i'm sensing some tension with harrison.

lando norris OH MY GOD! HE'S THE INSPIRATION!

oscar piastri oh.

oscar piastri you fell in love with your brother's best friend.

amelia holland i had a crush on him.

daniel ricciardo well fuck harrison.

daniel ricciardo actually don't fuck harrison. but you know what i mean

lando norris TELL ME YOUR LOVE SONGS WEREN'T ABOUT HIM. AMELIA I'M BEGGING!

amelia holland they weren't about him?

daniel ricciardo we're finding you a new muse. i'm making it my mission.

you good?

peachy.

bullshit but okay.

i'm fine oscar. i swear.

you called me oscar, that's never happened. what happened to kangaroo? koala? pastry boy?

maybe i'm not fine. how am i supposed to be fine when the dickhead won't understand that i want nothing to do with him? he strung me along for months making me think that one day we could be something more. so i start releasing songs and he still won't get it.

have you i don't know, tried talking to him?

jeez oscar why didn't i think of that? the only time he ever seems to speak to me is when we're in a group setting. he has a girlfriend.

amelia please tell me he didn't.

cheat on his girlfriend with me? not physically. but emotionally yes.

that guy is a piece of work.

he wasn't always like this.

you’re not seriously defending the guy who cheated on his girlfriend?

i’m defending the guy i used to know. the harrison who was sweet and kind to me. he snuck me candy when my mum didn't allow me to have any. he took me to the movies when my brothers didn't want to hang out with me.

okay. whatever.

why are you getting mad at me?

i’m not mad. i just-

forget it. i have to go.

lando’s insisting i follow him to the club to celebrate

have fun.

i'm sorry

i think i like her...

¡leclerc-s speaks! this series was always meant to be a short series so if it seems like it's a little fast paced, i'm sorry. but i am also doing a lot of time jumps, so realistically it's not moving that fast.

¡disclaimer! this is in no way making assumptions about the people involved in this story, this is all fake. it is a fanfiction please don't take any of what is said seriously. this is all for entertainment purposes and as a creative outlet for me. enjoy!

[marylandlifecoaching]

Boat

Oh shit! The Coast Guard? The fucking Coast Guard...

It was the early 90's. I was new to working with HIV and AIDS. I was on a retreat for people living/dying with AIDS. I remember it was late at night, and everyone was sitting around a campfire singing songs. I looked over to one of the Health Department case managers and said, "This is pretty lame." He was a young guy. He too, was fresh in the field. At that moment, I kid you not, a mutual client of ours, I call him J, came over and said, "I swear to God. I can't fucking sing Kumbahya anymore." So I suggested that we quietly leave one by one and take a walk.

What I remember most about that time was, I thought I was helping my clients {and  was}, but they were helping me equally. I wanted to get J out of there, because I felt the energy was off. Our client wanted to leave, because he knew the importance of time. Back in the 80's and 90's, the life expectancy was about 6 months or so. He did not want to sing. So we walked. We walked until we came across a dock with a row boat. {I tell this story to make a point. Not to glorify what we did.}

J said that he had never been on a boat. Realizing that this was probably his last chance to do so, we rowed out to a sailboat and got on. It was the middle of night. The 3 of us sat and talked, almost until the sun came up. I can't remember so much what was said. But I can remember how it felt. It felt pure, therapeutic and cleansing. Like nothing else mattered. J just needed to talk. So he did, and we listened.

Sunlight started to creep into the morning colors. I could not stay, because I had to get to my day job. I told J I would be back for night number 2 of the retreat. It was a long night, and I knew I had long day ahead of me. Still, the feeling that I was left with after that evening, was worth feeling tired for the next day or two. When I got back to camp, the case manager pulled me aside and told me that we must have accidentally done something to the sailboat, because the Coast Guard had to tow the boat back up the stream. Apparently we hit something that lifted the anchor, and the boat drifted down stream. No damage was done, but we should not have been on that boat. But if I had to do it all over again, truth be told, I absolutely would.

I tell this story, that time and health are our greatest commodities. We knew J was sick. We knew he was going to die. What we didn't know was just how soon after that evening he would be gone. This week I was going to write about another subject. In fact, I had already written the article. But yesterday out of nowhere, I thought about J and the boat. I don't know why. But I realized that someone should probably hear this story.

So as we enter into the next week, let us be mindful of both time and health. The clock is definitely ticking. My prayer is that we are all mindful of what is really important. Because we're not all going to get the opportunity to sit on a boat and talk about all of the things that mattered before we pass. That actually is a rarity. So may we slow down. May we be of good intent. And if we stray from the moment, may we think of J and the boat.

[quicksilverownsmysoul]

Sweet Dreams Are Made of This Pt. 13

Dark Peter Maximoff X fem reader (Mob au)

Hey Y’all!! So, this part is going to be a little short because it’s been a busy week, plus it’s a building chapter to set up the next few chapters! 9Also sorry if it’s a little boring Its a lot of talking) I hope you like it and prepare yourselves because next week’s chapter is gonna be a long one. 

Summary:  Peter has felt like a piece of him has been missing ever since he was taken away from his mother to be raised by his father. But when you seem to fill that piece there’s no way he’s ever letting you go

Warnings: angst, Erik being really cruel 

Word Count: 1.2K

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6 | Part 7 | Part 8 | Part 9 | Part 10 | Part 11

“Home?” You repeated, swerving to the side before Erik could cage you between his arms.  You moved to the other side of the classroom, your position and his switching places. “I am home.” 

Erik rolled his eyes at you. “I am inviting you back to your rightful home, with me and with the boy.” 

You crossed your arms over your chest. “You kicked me out of there, don’t you remember. You were the one who said I could leave.” 

Erik looked uninterested in the little argument you were trying to have with him. “Don’t make this harder than it needs to be. I forgive you, so now with my blessing you will come back home and fix the mess you made.” 

You wanted to scream, this man was absolutely insufferable. He believed that the whole world revolved around him and you supposed it did. You mustered up your courage and said that one word that you had been dying to tell him since you first met him. “No.” 

It was Erik’s turn to repeat, to return the ball to your side of the court for retaliation. “No? I’m sorry but do you really think you have a say in this?”

“You said I could leave and I left.” You sounded like a broken record but it seemed the first two iterations hadn't an impact on him. Maybe the third would. “You can’t just come back here after a month of nothing and expect to want to just go back to that hell of a manor. I won’t deny that I care for Peter but it is not enough to give up my life and live the rest of it as some glorified babysitter-”

Erik threw his head back in a laugh, it echoed off the walls and had you shrinking back into the corner you had trapped yourself in. “Glorified babysitter? Honey, open your eyes! That’s what you are right now.” His smile was wide and unnatural as he stared you down. “The way you care for these children is no different than the way you handle my Peter. The only difference is that this institution pays you a couple pennies a week to do it.” He laughed again, moving away from the door and back towards you.

 “You sure think highly of yourself, I bet you're the best little teacher at this school aren’t you? And why wouldn’t you be? It’s not like you have anything else to spend your life on. And while we’re on the topic, what life?” You stumbled back as if you had been struck, it was as if Erik had pulled your own thoughts from your mind to use them against you.

“You forget that I know everything about you and I have to say what you are trying so hard to preserve isn't much of a life sweetheart. You were missing and no one even batted an eye, the only one who missed you was your dog. At least when you were with us you had something that could be considered a life.”

You could feel tears pricking at your eyes, everything Erik had said was true. Sure the way he had said it was an oversimplification of your job and free time but he was right. You didn't do much, you went to work and you went home. You cared so much about your work that you never really explored other parts of your life. The most excitement in your life, as bad as it was, had been while you were there. 

Erik glared down at you, his expression softing for a fraction of a second before he returned to his usually neutral one. But this time there was a hint of something else in eyes, some may even call it compassion. “Look, just come with me. I won’t put you through any theatrics like last time. I even had your dog picked up and sent to the house, I’ll let you have it this time. And it would be unwise to disobey me with your dog in my custody.” Your eyes widened at his laced threat, he sighed and held his hand out, hoping to move past his threat. “I have a car waiting outside, just let me take you home.”

You stared at his outstretched hand. “What about my job?” You asked meekly, trying to put up a fight for as long as you could. 

“I took care of it like I did last time.” He answered simply. 

You wondered how long he had said you would be gone this time, you wondered if anyone other than your class would notice you had just disappeared. You figured they wouldn't. You let your hand fall into his, shivering at the cold touch that enveloped you as his fingers closed around yours. He maneuvered your arms so that you were holding his arm as he led you out the door and down the hall. 

You tried not to cry as you were exited from your beloved school, ignoring the calls from your students as they asked where you were going in the middle of the day. It has started to rain, coming down in thick sheets and battering the black suv that was parked in front of the school. Erik waved for the driver and he came around the semi circle, getting out in the rain to open the door for you both. 

You slid into the familiar black leather seats, Erik sliding in next. You both rode in silence as you had before, a sickening deja vu plaguing your mind. You dreaded going back, you knew the tension in the mansion would be deadly upon your return. But you would get to see Peter again, as much as you hated to admit it you had missed him. You had missed those soft smiles that only he let you see and the way he looked at you each time you graced him with the lightest of kisses. 

You let your memories come back to you, after a month of repression you welcomed them back like an old friend. You wondered how he was, Erik had said he was a mess and you couldn't even begin to imagine the state he would be in. He was falling apart after you had escaped for only five minutes, you hated to think what a month had done to him. You wondered if he would hate you for leaving, a part of you hated yourself for leaving like that. You had played that night over in your mind almost every day as you imagined a time where you got to say goodbye and explain why you coulndt stay. 

A part of you was scared of what he would be like. He was already so obsessed with you, they said that time made the heart grow fonder, did it make a boy like Peter more attached as well. And was what Erik had said true, was Peter going to be violent towards you as well.

Erik had explained that they had tried to introduce new residents into the house to serve as your replacements. But if they even dared to touch him he would lash out, he nearly broke the bones in one girl's arm and bloodied the nose of another man. Erik had to have them sent to another one of his outposts because Peter couldn't even stand to work with them after what they did. Ater how they tried to take your place. 

The car pulled to a stop and Erik opened up his umbrella as he helped you out after him. You took his hand sealing your fate, something told you you wouldn't be leaving the manor for a long time. 

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