#i know Rupert Friend has been in other things but also I still just think 'Wickham'

[ghostofbambifanfiction]

That was so beautifully written! I thought the line 'He wants to talk to his friends so desperately until conversation starts, then conversation exhausts him, and each kind word or piece of advice peels all of his raw wounds open and rubs them down with salt' so perfectly captured that feeling of feeling so sad, stuck and heartbroken that I think so many people can relate to (particularly as somebody who has struggled with depression for most of their life).

I can't wait to see their next interaction! Curious to know why James hasn't seemed to have acknowledged Lily's Frasier post, the fact he didn't mention it makes me very intrigued!

I was wondering what he meant when he said "he doesn't like Skylar all that much.", did he mean in a attraction sort of way or more generally? I really like the way you have written her as a character but have always felt that James has never been actually that invested in the friendship but let himself get carried along with it as he was too polite to say otherwise.

Thank you so very much you wonderful person! It's really nice to know that my perspective on heartbreak is relatable to others including yourself (although I am truly sorry for the reason why and wish you all of the love and healing that you deserve) as I was worried that I'd get "it's overdramatic" as feedback. I've only had my heart broken once before, but that was how I felt at the time, so I put it into words as best I could. It made me feel really good to read your words and I hope it makes you feel good to know how appreciated they are, and how validating it was to read them.

I have some answers for you! Re: the Frasier post, James didn't acknowledge it for the same reason that Lily didn't acknowledge his, because he couldn't satisfy himself 100% that it was meant for him. He also has a habit of being quite passive in general, a habit that the last act of this story (aka the act we're now in, now that it's "tomorrow") is going to see him working to change.

Re: Skylar, if James is honest with himself, the best thing he can say about Skylar is that he doesn't dislike her. She's a very forceful person who thinks she knows what everyone wants and needs and she assumed, without seeking confirmation, that he enjoyed her company so much purely because she enjoyed his. I remember reading an interview with Daniel Radcliffe where he said he worried a bit about Rupert Grint because if some random person asked Rupert to go to their house, he'd probably just agree to it, and that's James exactly. James has been agreeable and polite and, again, passive! His passivity affected his relationship with his mum because when he tired of her controlling behaviour he vanished on her rather than confront her, and his passivity led to Skylar snatching a much bigger role in his life than he ever would have chosen. But thanks to her he's becoming aware of it now, which is ultimately going to be great for him. She taught him a very valuable lesson, but that still doesn't mean he'd be overly psyched to spend time with her in future. He doesn't find her particularly fun.

(Remember in my opening author's note where I said that this fic was going to be short, quick and fluffy? Clearly I was setting myself up for embarrassment because I cannot stop myself from overthinking these crazy kids and their motivations. Oops?)

[jamisonwritestf2trash]

Hello! I like your TF2 headcannons alot, what kind of song's do you think they would listen to? I have no idea if this has been asked or if there are canon answers, but I'd really like your take on it if ever! <33

What's Songs Do The TF2 Mercs Like?

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LOVE THIS. Thank you for your ask! This hasn't been requested yet, so I'm so excited to write it. I'm not sure if there's canon music taste and favorite songs either, but we can just ignore the Canon lmao. Also, mutual appreciation! Thanks for being a mutual 💖

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Also, it's totally not based on songs I've listened to or like, not at all. Completely unbiased. I'm going to give their top 3 favorite songs and why those are the top 3! I hope you like this, and I didn't go too far of the original ask 😭

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Demo -

1. Escape (The Piña Colada Song) Rupert Holmes. They find it funny in an endearing way. He likes the idea of love fading only to reconnect. (Does he choose to ignore the fact that they were both trying to cheat)

2. First - Cold World Kids. The second he heard this song, it hit him like a ton of bricks. He just thinks about every relationship he's lost and how unfairly he must have treated people and just ugh.

3. Problems - Mother Mother. He feels like a disgrace to people he cares about and people he loves. He listens to this music to make himself feel worse, but don't worry the other mercs always try and turn him to cheerful music when he's like that, but sometimes he genuinely likes Problems and First just from a liking music perspective.

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Engie -

1. 9 to 5 - Dolly Parton. Engie is the number one Dolly Parton fan. He's head of the fan club. Speak ill of her, and you'll never speak again. He can also just relate so well with a girl boss, because he is a girl boss.

2. Black Betty - Ram Jam. He loves uptempo songs to work to. He finds he works faster with them. I just think he thinks this song is so great for work.

3. Save a Horse (Ride a Cowboy) - Big & Rich. This man. I wanted to be a cowboy so badly growing up! Let's him feel like a cowboy and just a fun song that he really likes playing. (For a while, he didn't know what the implications were. It was super fun when the other mercs caught him singing it and then having the meaning explained to him.)

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Heavy -

1. You're My Best Friend - Queen. He wants to be everyone's friend so bad! He wants someone to listen to this song and think of him. He just wants to be a good friend above all else. (He is! He just doesn't think so.)

2. Count On Me - Bruno Mars. Much like above, he wants to be a friend. He wants to be seen as dependable and caring. Scared he doesn't come off that way!

3. I'm Still Standing - Elton John. Resilient fighting, man! This is his hype song. It especially helps him after a bad match. It helps him remember that he does a lot to help carry the team and he shouldn't be so hard on himself.

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Medic -

1. Body - Mother Mother.

I never really touched on this in my previous headcanons but I think Medic also has some body dysmorphia. It's just not as bad as spys. I also think this man has vivid intrusive thoughts. I feel like this song for him is most of the things he thinks about put into words he doesn't have.

2. Are You Satisfied - MARINA. This. Man. Has. Never. Felt. Good. Enough. He's always set his own expectations of what he should be so high that he can never do anything but fall short. He also feels a lot of pressure from the other mercs and is always scared of disappointing them. He loves to hear someone else sing of the feelings he has.

3. The Dismemberment Song - Blue Kid. I had to throw this in. It was either of this or The Red Means I Love You. He loves both. He thinks their really good inspiration songs to go into surgery humming. Be afraid if this man comes at you while this tune is playing.

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Scout -

1. Get It Up -Mindless Self Indulgence. I don't know why but this song just feels like Scout is singing it. Like I genuinely think that he fucking wrote this song 😭 Likes the beat and the way the singer sounds more than the lyrics themselves.

2. Everywhere I Go - Hollywood Undead. See above. No, but genuinely he loves this song. Gives him such confidence for no reason. Makes him feel so cool. I do think he hasnt done anything like this. Yeah, he drinks,but he's never acted like the song. He just lives vicariously through it. Likes the lyrics more than the song in this case.

3. Without Me - Eminem. He wanted to be Eminem so bad! He wanted to be that controversial white boy who could rap. I think all of his favorite songs are just any white man's favorite song ever. He actually does good rapping the song without lyrics. You'd think it be embarrassing but it's actually not, somehow.

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Sniper -

1. Read Between The Lines - Tom Cardy. Come on, how is he not supposed to love this song. It fits him so perfectly. I definitely feel like he loves this song because he always feels like people should know how to understand him even though he isn't giving them anything to work with.

2. Ballroom Blitz - Sweet. He likes the beat and tempo of this song more than anything. He also likes the entire vibe of the song if that makes sense. He can also imagine "being the man in the back," an imaginary scenario king if you will.

3. Another One Bites The Dust - Queen. Took all my restraint not to make every song a Queen song. Had to keep reminding myself I could make a post for that on its own lmao. No one can convince me that this song doesn't play in his head when he gets a good kill. One time, just for fun, he tried to sync with the claps and was super successful.

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Spy -

1. Money, Money, Money - ABBA. I know this man is like probably 50 or something and has a son and whatever, but sometimes I forget that and think he's a 30 year old classy woman from the 1920s. So, in my mind, he likes ABBA. Likes Money, Money, Money though because he likes the idea of a rags to riches heist plot (that's what I imagine when I hear this song anyway)

2. Royals- Lorde. This man wants to be royalty so bad. He tries to be so classy and dignified, which is funny because you'd think he'd want to be as mundane as possible, but that's neither here nor there. I definitely feel like this song just makes him feel fancy.

3. Vous Le Voulez - ABBA. Yes, I did hc Spy as having two ABBA songs in his top three. No, I will not apologize. This man has definitely killed this song. And! He also dance fought to this song. (Think that one scene in Jumanji, the one with the Rock.)

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Soilder -

1. Party in The U.S.A - Miley Cyrus. I mean, can you really blame me for adding this one? I already added it to shitpost canon!

2. Cherry Pie - Warrant. Dad song! This is such a dad song, just like he's such a dad! This man just reminds me of any middle-aged white dad who grills and drinks beer. And I get that so much when I hear this song. So I'd think he'd like a dad song:)

3. Dragula- Rob Zombie. THIS MAN CAN YELL. He loves to sing (scream?) this song! It's a good song to start with, and the fact that he can have a fun time yelling and singing makes him happy!

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Pyro -

1. drop pop candy - reol, giga. I have this headcanon I never touched on for some reason. Pyro knows every human language that exists. So they love listening to music in other languages!They actually really like how sweet the music sounds in contrast to the actual lyrics.

2. My Axe - Insane Clown Posse. PYRO. IS. A. JUGGALO. 100%! You can't convince me that they haven't painted their mask to look like juggalo fave paint. Definitely would play this song in their head during a match. They just replace axe with fire or something similar.

3. Buttercup - Jack Stauber. They like most of Jack Staubers' music! They really like the different soft sounds and low tone music.

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Okay. I'm posting this hoping everything works! I've had to start this over 5 times and I am exhausted 😭

I loved this prompt, but I swear to god I got such back writers block halfway through just finding the songs they'd like. I'm really sorry if this turned out to be bad. I'm going to go sleep for the years.

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Soldier headcanons tomorrow!

[vole-mon-amour]

3x10, a mix of everything, part 1

didn't expect it to happen that fast but HELL YEAH. there's nothing for Nathan to do next to Rupert. Rupert keeps switching his lovers like socks while his wife is still at home with their daughter. come on!! villain arc for Bex and Rebecca when? when is Rupert gonna get killed die and leave Bex all the money??? and then Bex and Rebecca become best friends and raise a daughter together?

Trent being the heart of the team? do you remember how it all started and how wary everyone was of him? do you? it warms my heart, but it warms it twice bc of the clear bond we see between Colin and Trent. like, older queer with younger queer, helping each other out and bonding. their friendship does things to me tbh. it's so very important and intimate and—

in other words, representation matters.

yaaay! also, Trent <3333 again, this warms my heart.

sometimes I really have no idea what this season is doing. i miss them being a dramedy, not a full on sitcom. i'm enjoying this season, but sometimes it's borderline too much. it's out of nowhere and it's not necessary at all.

besties unlocked <3 Trent is such a sunshine, I love him. the way he and Ted share a raised eyebrows look. there is something so wonderful happening between Ted and Trent from the moment they met. it's like they're connected and are being drawn to each other.

girl talk, especially when it involves middle aged men <3 Rebecca as their leader is really something. i love it.

I think Rebecca is being mean to the actual devil. also, why do iphone users love their matte screen cover? why not the regular one?

Trent is so in love with Ted, my goodness. that cute smile. Ted is so freaking oblivious, I need the show to do something about it. i need Ted to learn Trent is in love with him.

this is such a nice shot. something something, the idea of press taking pics of Nate's gf leaving. which at first I thought was kind of nice, but then she leaves with a suitcase and it looks like a breakup of some sort, so not that nice. hm. still, the shot is pretty.

this is such a nice look & I like her hair a lot, but my GOD, how do people wear those minies? it's beyond good and evil for me. shorts i can kinda understand, but skirts? that's... yeah, no.

there you go Jack's "me and Keeley are dating" without asking Keeley first if she wants to announce it and then Jack totally ghosting Keeley. *frustrated high pitched growl* I hate that plotline. if it's their way to push Keeley back towards Roy bc she will no longer be that busy so Roy can't come up with that excuse again, that's a very shitty thing to do. so far I don't see the bigger picture of this. they've been messing up Keeley's storyline this season just like that.

"the board" oh, fuck you, Jack. (in Grace Le Domas' voice) fucking rich people.

Dani crushing Van Damme's chips is such a dick move, ESPECIALLY since you're trashing the airplane!! you're not the one who's gonna have to clean it up, you asshole.

can somebody connect this parallel for me pls? it's just within my reach but it slips away.

sooo, Beard isn't getting out of a toxic relationship? gotta say, this plotline concerns me. idk where they're going with it and WHY in the first place. Beard deserves better & Jane needs some serious therapy.

#fired immediately

I'm here for Rebecca standing up for herself against Rupert. I hate that asshole so much.

I don't remember, have we seen Roy's sister before? it's so rare.

go fuck yourself. yes, i'm quick to jump to conclusions and violence.

Leslie is NOT having a good tea time this season. let him enjoy his tea 2k23! however, the fact that he knows every friend Rebecca has. some friendship between him and Rebecca developed along the way since s1.

[renee561]

Ted Lasso Season One Recap

So this show has been on my to watch list thanks to @sarahtarth and @austennerdita2533 @heatherfield @asphodelandabsinthe and @mercurial-make-em-ups ALL have recommended the show to me in one form or another. It has been on the list unfortunately for years (looks at Sarah and Ashlee and Heather). But as @wauryd mentioned gambling is perhaps one avenue to get me to do something because I like being a person of my word.

Now that I've finished season 1, i wanted to share my thoughts instead of just my reactions.

Spoilers for those that haven't seen it yet

So starting simple, I want to talk about locations.

I thought the fact that it was set and filmed in a part of England that was not London was amazing! Like you see London alot in films and show and as a person that have friends in other parts of England and that thought Brighton was amazing that for them to showcase something different was amazing also Liverpool my beloved Beatles.

Producers take note you have a rich country, you can set it in other places for your modern settings!

Characters

Let me just say I love them all to some varying degrees, but I have to say...Ted is amazing and I love him so much!

Typically speaking, you do not get a guy that is genuinely nice and kind as a main character in modern shows and movies that doesn't seem fake, that doesn't somehow make you suspicious about if they're going to turn him into something else later on.

Plus he's just...relatable. He's an optimist and he's doesn't always understand, but the thing about him is he tries! He tries so hard 🥺 and he's only happy to help people, no matter how small he just wants to help.

Also I think we should all aspire to be more like Ted.

Continuing on to another character I love Rebecca. Woman is one of 3-4 women owners in a cut throat industry, who went through a horrific divorce with a douche bag of a man that has an over englated ego. GET FUCKED RUPERT!

But she's wounded, and she lashes out at Higgens (my soft boy) and herself and anyone really because she is trying to protect herself from being that hurt again.

But she learns to let go just a little, and she owns her shit (after a time and some pressure and some positive influences (keeley is that you). She is starting to learn to trust and love herself the way that Rupert never did.

I love her budding friendship with Ted, like the hugs and the just support even when she is trying to sabatoge him and the team.

The team.

MY BOYS!!! Babies all of them! (Except you Tartt you're on thin fucking ice)

Nate, nate, my beloved soft boy!! I love how he grows this season how with the confidence of Ted he is starting to come out of his shell.

Roy...Roy...dick, but at least you know it and is trying to figure it out and the way he is protective of the team <3 <3

Sam is precious and I want to just hug him. Like this boy is the sweetest and I would die for him.

Tartt is a fucking prick. He gets marginally better, and I'm hoping better as things go on, but yes keeley deserves so much better then you!

Keeley is amazing, she's strong and kind and a real stand up gal, I just want her happiness.also same keeley fucking same about Rebecca. (Renee is not straight)

The Plot

I don't get football/sports in general, I do love things that I don't fully get because that's out of my sphere of interests. But i love that it's different, that it's not the same plot as other things.

I love that it's about a migrant to a different country that has no idea about what's going on and yet is still trying his best. Putting his best foot forward and trying to help these boys be the best versions of themselves.

Especially as this is set in 2020, it is very inspiring, and I can't wait for more.

[trentcrimminallybeautiful]

gert's random fusion aus: pushing daisies

sorry, i just realized i never explained what "pushing daisies" is, and while i'm not going to give the full run-down of every relevant detail--you will find this more compelling if you've seen it/are familiar with it--i'll give the basics real fast. ned is a piemaker who can bring back the dead with a single touch--and kill them again with another. the problem is, if they're alive again for more than a minute, someone else will die in their place. he found this out in the most traumatizing fucked up way possible btw. anyway, his best friend is PI emerson cod, with whom he investigates bizarre murders as, you know, they can interrogate the victim. albeit for one (1) minute only. and then ned brings back his childhood sweetheart/crush, inadvertently killing a corrupt graverobbing funeral director, and they fall in love again--with the caveat, of course, that they can never touch, because if he ever touches her again, she'll die. cue cute shit like kissing though plastic wrap and having clear walls on their bed (?) and that kind of thing. since she's still legally dead, she tries to help her aunts from afar, who have been shut-ins for a while, and there's some other stuff going on too with a waitress in love with ned (olive my beloved), emerson cod's ex-wives (and a child!), and a mystery from ned's past. i think that's all the basics? anyway, on with the show.

Trent Crimm is a journalist, so perhaps it isn’t surprising when he’s murdered. He dies alone, and afraid, and with no one to care. And then he wakes up with Ted Lasso peering down at him, worried, with soft, kind eyes Trent hasn’t seen since he was a teenager. Who knew that his schoolyard sweetheart could bring back the dead? Certainly not Trent. (Although his college friend, Beard, now a private investigator, apparently very much did.)

Now Trent, still legally dead, has to deal with, among other things: the trauma of his murder and identity of his murderer, his ex-wife and daughter (who still think he is dead, and he secretly suspects might be better off without him, even though he misses his daughter dearly), his growing feelings for a man he can never touch again, his father, and also, you know, all the bizarre murders he, Ted, and Beard are roped into investigating.

Also see: Ted struggling with depression, divorce, fatherhood, baking, and his own past (including a dreadful secret he is keeping from Trent), Beard struggling with a femme fatale to his noir detective, and whatever the hell Roy, Keeley, and Jamie are doing in the background with their synchronized swimming act.

Some notes:

Rupert is almost certainly the one who killed Trent, or had him killed. For, you know, knowing things he shouldn't; looking into things he shouldn't, etc. Half wondering if Rebecca should be involved--not as in she helped kill him, but as in she found out about it or was unwillingly involved--because that could make things even more deliciously complicated.

Ted and baking and building community--whether biscuits or pie, charming everyone he meets

(Trent was poisoned, by the way. So that baking thing. Oh boy.)

I do have a lot of feelings about Trent dying alone and being terrified of that happening again even though he refuses to admit it and keeps a cool and steady facade. Cue Ted getting him to be emotionally vulnerable, and also bonding with Beard at a point where they're trapped together in a situation that could kill them.

Ted and Trent's whole dance around each other only gets more exceedingly complicated, because Ted inadvertently broke his heart a decade or two ago, and now he's brought Trent back from the actual dead. Mixed signals, maybe. Regardless, they are very sweet and wholesome 90 percent of the time.

Thinking about that scene where Ned and Chuck dance on the rooftop in beekeepers outfits--Trent trying to find ways to fill the time now that he can't exactly be a journalist, and while he does end up throwing himself into helping Ted and Beard with their cases--he has his own relevant skills, after all--as well as trying to take care of his child and ex-wife from afar, he can't do that all the time: and Ted has bees on the roof, for the honey.

And also just again, them slow dancing like that. ough.

The whole thing with Trent's ex and daughter I'm not married to (haha) considering I don't think he'd actually leave his daughter thinking he's dead (and I think Ted would not be okay with that, too, for obvious reasons) however I'm not sure how else to handle it and I'm also thinking about him genuinely wondering if they're better off without him and then at some point, of course, them finding out, and. painful emotional growth ensues

Ted is also struggling with his own divorce and kid, because he has secrets and he's kind of terrified that Henry will have his ability, or something similar, even though there have been no signs of it so far. He hadn't planned on having kids, and while he could never regret Henry he's scared of what kind of father he'll be and what kind of damage his secret could do.

I'm not gonna lie, the last line of the summary about roy, keeley, and jamie was a bit of a Silly on my part, so I'm not sure if it would have become something, but I do have ideas running in circles in my brain. Something something, working together, triangles are the strongest shape, something something, practicing and being the best you can be?

Episodic format with case-of-the-weeks involving the other characters, such as the players, Rebecca, etc?

I admit, while part of what makes Pushing Daisies compelling is the tragic impossibility of Ned and Chuck's situation and also the complete non-explanation for how, exactly, Ned got to be Like This, I'm a sucker for a fix-it, and some ideas included: Ted giving up his gift (and dealing with the pain it's caused him and not being "useful", that he's worth more than this gift) OR just. really rotating a scene in my head where for [waves hands] plot reasons Ted knows he has to touch Trent again, let him die again (to bring him back? to stop something terrible? because they've learned something about the origins of Ted's ability?) and just. Trent's near tears but in that smiling this has to happen way, and Ted--Ted gets to kiss him, for real, with no plastic wrap between them, just once, and then Trent crumples in his arms and Ted is just. devastated. Now the question is, does he wake up, or is there another way to bring him back?

(This also works so painfully with "Trent being afraid of dying alone again" because... he doesn't. He dies in Ted's arms, surrounded by friends who will miss him.)

Also thought about this ability being connected to Ted's... Issues(TM), namely his forced positivity and repressed depression and shit but that's kind of soup brain right now

ALSO SEE! Beard and Jane have some fucked up shit going on in the background that eventually gets resolved. Beard occasionally slips into noir detective mode, just like Ted and Trent occasionally slip into romcom mode, despite the fact they're all living in vividly colorful murder mystery bizarro world.

I considered Nate as Olive, albeit in a rather different way, but it doesn't quite fit. Also see Rebecca as someone who hires them under false pretenses but then, ah. doesn't?

Ted and his immortal dog he can't actually pet, please

ALTERNATE TAKES:

Trent is a journalist who can bring back the dead for exactly one minute. It’s extremely useful in his line of work, until he comes across the unattended body of the man he fell in love with over a decade ago, and unfortunately, cannot resist temptation. Possibly featuring Roy Kent as a detective he reluctantly assists, because I find that to be a particularly funny duo.

Ted brings back his best friend from the dead. Trent Crimm, investigative journalist, finds out about his ability and decides to do nothing about it. I find this one compelling despite it not being very fleshed out because I just think Trent finding out a very important secret and deciding not to reveal it, and not even use it, even though it could be very useful, and then he ends up befriending Ted anyway and Ted offers to help... meanwhile Ted and Beard are having their own issues w--wait actually. Wait. I just considered. This... this doesn't really fit with the OG Pushing Daisies but it could be compelling regardless. Ted brings back Michelle, and while she's grateful (because, you know, Henry) it fucks up their relationship even further, especially because they can't touch anymore, and while she's not exactly asking him to undo it she didn't ask to be brought back, either. ANYWAY. And Trent and Ted getting into shenanigans. And probably Beard, too, anyway.

Alternatively, something about Roy as Ned and Keeley as Chuck and possibly Jamie as either Emerson Cod or Olive is.... hmmm.... interesting

idk i'll probably have more thoughts on this later but!!! here you go. this au is too big and complicated in my brain to likely ever get a proper full-sized fic, unless i really get hit with an inspiration whammy, but i might write a few snippets. we'll see

[mercifulbutbroken]

The remaining story of Feather Falling

If you've read the most recent update on my AO3, you would know my writers block has gotten the best of me, along with my mental health. I don't want you guys to go without an ending though, since I know how frustrating it is to have a fic you like (or just read out of boredom) suddenly have no updates for the longest time.

So, only if you wish, under the cut, will be the remaining plan I had for Feather Falling. Be warned, it's a wall of text. The askblog will still be up, if anyone wishes to send an ask and let me revive that little side project. But, I hope you enjoy

claps hands oKAY so Nav After chapter 14, returning from the wall with Ellie, would go to Gale to explain things Charles feels something new, a tad of what was in the diner before Nav was snatched he shrugs it off and goes to Dave and Rupert to pass time a few more clues leading to the toppats would be sprinkled through a few more months later, Ellie gets her own place and all three usually hang out

by now they are all close and then they get a call about the toppats, and their space shuttle Nav is terrified, because, well gestures to past trauma of being a toppat but Ellie is more okay with it Charles also is tagged along. its a big mission whole fight happens and such, but near the end, they couldn't stop the shuttle taking off. Ellie has to rescue Charles. that gains his trust and a bit of admiration they fail this mission and later on, after the station would have been more established, rumors of past toppats disappearing within military records and sooner or later? they're targeted Charles dives in to try and get them out of some teleporter laser thing (i didn't get this all planned out, same thing used in VH) but he and Nav get beamed up everyone on the ground start freaking out, two people got snatched gale is VERY protective over his crew, so he starts planning to get them back asap

back up on the station, both are grilled about toppat things, and when Nav finally grows a backbone, they bring both Nav and Charles into a room they think if they threaten Charles, Nav will finally talk because he was the same one who rescued him so? they break one of his wings Nav goes bezerk, yells something out to let them go. Reg comments "once a traitor, always a traitor" and leave the two in the locked room Nav tries to stabilize the wing, which he does, and Charles is a bit dazed. Nav tries to explain he would do anything for the one who saved him from the toppats Charles is confused, because he is trapped again Nav yells that the few months of freedom he had were the best months of his life. best months of his life with him queue the big hug (no kiss quite yet) toppats try to go to the info Nav gave but Gale planned this, letting Nav know of a place where they DID have info, but also can get to fast to defend entire escape i didn't plan yet, but when they escape, both are taken to the hospital Charles wakes up first, and heads around to find Nav they find each other, and go to a vending machine for a drink they have a slow talk back and forth about what they said back on the toppat station when Nav turns to look at Charles, he find him already leaned in to kiss him. A small pause, then accepts the kiss, hand on his cheek Feather Falling end roll credits

There would be an epilogue, Nav and Charles would have a small wedding, after Charles proposes with his trio of feathers. maybe just papers signed and go to his favorite diner with all his friends after

[sideboot]

Does Sassy know Rupert is abusive?

exuberantocean has a really dang good post about the parallels between Jane/Beard & Ted and Rupert/Rebecca & Sassy.

This reminded me how narratively juicy I found that comment from Sassy and the idea that she knows Rupert is the worst without specifically viewing him through the lens of abuse.  

I think it creates a really interesting potential tension for Rebecca to view Sassy both as a source of validation but also as someone with whom she runs the risk of rejection.

Sassy will bluntly talk about how Rupert was shit.  Sassy was asking for accountability for how Rebecca negatively affected other people and this was occurring at the time of season one which is the midst of, you know, The Plot Where Rebecca Hurts People, Motivated By Her Relationship With Rupert.

But I am compelled by a Sassy is coming into this conversation with a level of ignorance because Rebecca was never able to articulate the specific ways Rupert hurt her.  There are many ways in which abusers isolate victims that are either incidentally or purposefully structured to be hard to talk about.  

There is also a lot of time in the Rupert and Rebecca relationship that Sassy wouldn’t be there to see, maybe even by design.  There are times, like the reveal of his and Bex’s child, where Rupert is hurting Rebecca when they are alone in a room together with no witnesses.  

Beyond seeing Rupert insult Rebecca, we know he is controlling of Rebecca’s life, telling her how to eat and how to present herself.   The consequences for pushing back or disobeying were probably the insults we see.  

I’m sure part of why Rebecca didn’t reach out was the systematic demolishing of her self worth, making her believe on some level that Sassy and Nora didn’t want to hear from her, or would be better off without her.

Rebecca greatly feared being alone, it was the thing that Rupert threatened her with to discourage her from leaving him.  But cutting contact with Nora and Sassy made her more alone.  

What motivated her must be even greater than that fear.  Perhaps it was a fear of Rupert’s reprisal or of Rupert leaving her.  Perhaps her self loathing at that point just ran that deep.

All of which is difficult to convey to Sassy, and Rebecca might be reluctant even consider doing so.  Sassy can rebut by asking why Rebecca trusted Rupert’s word over her and Nora’s when they were saying that they loved her and missed her.  If Rebecca’s fear was that Rupert would leave her, why did she value that relationship over her relationship with Sassy and Nora?

I can also imagine there are many ways Rupert could pressure Rebecca to cut contact without directly asking.  Where he was exerting a great deal of premeditated or at least purposeful effort to control her, but in ways that made Rebecca still feel like this was her decision.  Sassy was a friend of someone in an abusive relationship who disliked, perhaps vocally, the abuser.  Rupert might have used that against her.

He might have framed Rebecca having a friend who disliked her husband as a betrayal.  He might have picked more fights around times after they spent time together and framed the instigator of conflict not as himself but Rebecca’s time with Sassy.

He might have claimed Rebecca looking after her goddaughter was an attempt to guilt him about the decision that they would not be having children.  He might have implied, and it may have even been on some level slightly true, that Rebecca was jealous of Sassy for having a daughter.

It’s entirely possible that in the midst of this, or even to the present day, that Rebecca didn’t think of this as her being abused or her husband attempting to isolate her.  Perhaps it was only on a subconscious level that she began to associate time with Nora and Sassy with emotional exhaustion.  

If this were true, how could Rebecca explain to Sassy in terms that would be understood and sympathetic, when Rebecca doesn’t even have that understanding and sympathy for herself, when she ended up feeling like the thought of reaching out made her too tired to even lift the phone?

[thousand-winters]

I wish Grace would have killed Tatiana, not Cordelia. She was already threatening her with a knife. I just think Tatiana got of too easy, like Grace got more punishment than she and Belial. It could have been cool to see Tatiana get her marks stripped.

I agree with 2/3 of this.

I also think Tatiana got off too easy, taking into account everything she did through the years and how she actually escaped her initial imprisonment, the fact that she was gonna be innocently held on the Silent City for a while, exactly the same as Grace, felt odd for how harsh the Clave is supposed to be.

I hadn't thought about it, but stripping her of her marks (even just voyance and perhaps the wedding runes if she had them? I suppose she wouldn't use too many) would have been fitting due to how much she despised Shadowhunters. I did figure she was going to die but maybe I also felt that underwhelming because her death didn't affect much either; even Cordelia's initial sense of guilt for taking a human life didn't last for long, which would have been nice because the satisfaction of avenging her friend and the guilt of becoming a killer can coexist, honestly, and let's keep in mind these may be warriors but they mostly fight demons, they don't kill other humans. If I remember right, this is also part of why the whole thing with Sebastian's army in City of Heavenly Fire was so hard to battle, who was used to fighting other people, their people?

Now, do I think Grace should have killed Tatiana?

No.

While I think the confrontation was necessary, and I adored Grace standing up to her and that banger dialogue of hers ("You made me what I am, mother, your blade. Do not now complain if that blade is turned on you."), I don't believe that killing Tatiana would be something that would work for her narratively speaking. Grace wanted to be free, but there was no reason for that freedom to be delivered by her own hands, the idea of someone killing their abuser is very romanticized sometimes but it's not something that should be required.

The thing is that moment, Grace chasing Tatiana, was very much born out of emotion, I don't think she was thinking clearly. Tatiana had hurt (and killed, though she didn't know that yet) the one friend she had and almost killed her brother as well if it weren't for Lucie summoning Rupert's ghost. Tatiana sought her out in the Silent City to hurt her and then hurt the few people Grace cared about, which Grace straight up said she didn't want to allow!!! She didn't want Tatiana hurting anyone else!!! Of course she was like "it's been enough, I have to stop this".

But we come back to the same problem, if it was hard for Cordelia to take the life of someone she despised, it would be worse for Grace. That's her abuser, but it's also the one mother she has known for most of her life. There was no affection there, but Grace believed in her for years, and she was the only alive person she was allowed to interact with most of the time after Jesse died. I don't think she would have been able to go through with it even if she had managed to overpower Tatiana. Cordelia is a warrior and yet she still needed Lilith's influence to deal the killing blow.

As for the rest, I also do agree Tatiana and Belial's endings made it feel weirdly simple... for all the chaos and bad things they did, they went down too easily. It would be interesting to explore what you say about Grace too, how of course everyone looks at her to repay what her mother did, even if it's not her fault, she was used. If I had any writing juice, I would write about that.

[crackers4jenn]

Some Ted Lasso finale thoughts

I feel like I always have to preface my Ted Lasso opinions with the reminder that I haven't seen the series in full, but! I have watched all of s3, parts of s2, and the first few eps of s1. I realize I'm working with limited context though.

I think my fave character overall was Trent. His physical comedy was outstanding, plus I just love that his role this season was basically: fly on the wall/reaction shot. I feel pretty cheated we didn't get some meaningful voiceover from him, though. You know, a bit of narration of his book. Feels like something like that would've tied in nicely within the montage.

I feel bad for the shippers (those first few minutes were especially cruel to the Ted/Rebecca shippers) but I also feel like a lot of the reactions I've seen in the tags would be way less critical if the shipper goggles weren't fastened so tightly. There's something to be said about online fandom and getting caught up in the echo chamber of it, and how that sorta amplifies your confirmation bias. You look for the things you want to find, even when they're not textually there. Before the finale aired, I kept seeing people be SO SURE that Rebecca would go to Kansas with Ted and for the life of me I couldn't understand WHY. Those two characters, in the context of tumblr? You see enough "invisible string" gifsets paralleling some of their scenes, sure. Maybe those two versions of Ted and Rebecca end up together, but the actual characters on the show? Who barely spent time together outside of work? Who thought of each other so, so platonically? I don't get it. If I have to like, deep dive into symbolism and read into stares and decode their supposed body language and break out the tack board to connect the dots because of some color scheme of the clothes they wear, with nothing actually happening onscreen telling me these people care even a little bit romantically about each other? Surely that says something about canon. If I, a casual viewer who isn't mainlining gaze-count compilations or whatever, aren't seeing what the hyperfocused fanbase is seeing onscreen with my own eyeballs, doesn't that imply some of the interpretation is fanon and not canon? Just a little? Obviously that is just the universal shipping experience, I'm not trying to be condescending or judgmental, I'm just saying: be for real. BE FOR REAL, Y'ALL.

I liked seeing Rebecca's emotions for Ted spill over in all of their scenes together (semi-related: I feel like when Rebecca was grieving Ted so hard and he was... not giving the same energy back it's because their headspaces were so different in those moments: for Rebecca, it was about saying goodbye. For Ted, it was about saying hello... to his family. Rebecca was feeling loss, and Ted was too, but he was also gaining back something big. But anyway!!) I do wish they hadn't pulled the "you go, I go" trope. For so long, so much of Rebecca's arc was about her getting back her independence from Rupert. Why, at the last moment, try and anchor her to another man? Especially after that episode where she stood up against all those old rich dudes and reminded them why they love the game, why the fans love the game, why SHE loves the game? It felt weird. If it was a panicked reaction because she was losing a really good friend, then I wish the show would've had Ted, ya know, COMMUNICATE with her instead of staying so mute, to remind her that she loves what she does, that she's earned her place, and that she can do it alone. But she wouldn't even be alone! She has literally everyone else she's always had in her corner still in her corner.

If I had been super into either Roy/Keeley or Jamie/Keeley I would be SO BUMMED that the show pulled the last second third wheel card, just to give them an ambiguous "Keeley chooses neither" ending. But I can also appreciate that the show just threw its metaphorical hands in the air and refused to make a choice. I, too, see the appeal of all sides of the triangle and don't even know what my preference would be. Besides throuple, obviously, which I also think the open-ending left a little crumb trail to set up. I will say, overall, Roy was so reactive this season in his feelings for Keeley. He broke up with her, then really only started gravitating back to her when she was with Jack, or when he was jealous about the leaked video, or jealous about Jamie. That wasn't my favorite, but he also just pines really nicely so I get the otp of it all.

All of the "Ted is leaving all his friends behind! He's got nothing to live for in Kansas except his son!" online takes are SO BAFFLING. Y'all realize this character didn't apparate from the ether into Richmond as a fully grown, fully mustached man, right? He came from a place where he ALSO had friends and family he was leaving behind, with relationships that were likely just as important to him. And he will make friends after. Like????? You'd think Ted was returning to the gallows on a death sentence or something, just to wither away after Henry grows up.

I think I'll try and watch the show from the start and see if my opinions on anything change. I've heard that all of the prime Ted/Rebecca stuff happens early on in s1, and maybe seeing them in a classic enemies-to-friends situation might reveal to me what the shippers see. And maybe I'll care more about Nate's arc and Jamie's growth.

ps; dollsome, if you're reading this and you've made it this far, look away!!! Because, I'm sorry, I love that the Dutch boat guy came back. His and Rebecca's chemistry was just off-the-chart bananas. I think the psychic stuff was set up to red herring the crap out of the fandom from all sides, I don't think Rebecca and boat guy are like, psychically fated and meant to be, but! They were lovely, so I'm glad their montaged future had them together. And with a pilot in her life, hey. Rebecca can fly out to Kansas and visit her old bud, Ted, anytime, right?

[disco-tea]

5 headcanons about Spike + Dawn in a medieval AU

OK WAIT THIS IS BRILLIANT. Also this might have turned out much longer and with a little more world building than i meant sksksksks whoops

Our story takes place in the kingdom of Sunnydale that is equal parts magic and violence. It’s a land of goblins and dragons and trolls and fae, and occasionally, beings that are both supernatural and human, known as half-breeds. Legend has it that the kingdom was built upon the gates of hell itself.

The monarch that resides over the kingdom is named Elizabeth, though those in her inner circle often call her “Buffy.” Buffy comes from a long line of monarchs and it’s said that the royal bloodline has been entrusted with guarding the world from the evils that lurk beneath the kingdom of Sunnydale. Monarchs of Sunnydale are expected to be more than just rulers, more than just the law, they’re expected to be warriors, to fight the monsters and demons and armies of hell besides. The next in line is Buffy’s younger sister, Dawn. So we have Queen Elizabeth and Princess Dawn. Buffy has an inner circle of extraordinary people who help her rule and protect her kingdom. An adviser named Rupert, a mage named Willow, a friar named Xander, a changeling switched by the fae at birth named Anya …and her most trusted Knight, Sir William.

William has fought beside his Queen for many years and been through some of the worst battles the kingdom has seen. As a result, it has earned him the special title of the Queen’s Champion. Many of the other knights also call him Spike. Some say it’s because in his early days of knighthood he was a renowned jouster, some say it’s because he once slew a dragon with just a metal spike. Neither are true. As the Queen’s Champion, one of his many duties is to look after the young Princess. He accompanies her on journeys and public outing and all manner of things and if you were to ever spend any prolonged amount of time with them…you might realize how much they look and act alike. You might realize that he is the Princess’ best friend and at times their relationship is almost…familial.

And you see, Sunnydale is a kingdom of mysteries and secrets, and our protagonists are no exception. Each hold secrets, great and small. The Queen has many secrets, one of which is that the royal bloodline is comprised of half-breeds, endowed with strength to help fight and keep the darkness at bay. Her chiefest knight is also a half-breed. And her sister…well, her sister is not her sister at all, but her daughter. Nobody knows the real story, everyone thinks that Princess Dawn was merely sent away in secret while the former king and queen were alive. Sent away at birth to a far away land for protection and education and returned when she was a small child. But that’s not what really happened. The real story goes like this.

Years ago, not long after the King died and Queen briefly ruled alone (then Queen Joyce), Buffy was still a Princess. She never wanted to be the Queen. Didn’t want the burden and the pain. Didn’t want to have to choose a suitor from amongst the royalty. And there were suitors—one from the clan of Finn, a distant king named Angelus, and many others—but in the end, she fell in love with a young and brash knight with a soft heart. A knight named William.

They hated each other at first, always arguing and bringing complaints before the Queen, who bore it with patience and a knowing smile. ���Buffy hated him all the more when he was assigned to aid her in her quests and journeys and he made a show of hating her for much the same reason. It was a lie. In time they realized they were more alike then they ever could’ve guessed. Hate gave way to friendship and camaraderie and then eventually…love. 

But it could never be, because Elizabeth was royalty and she must marry royalty and he was just a knight, and— the secrets of the crown notwithstanding—a half-breed knight to boot. Still, that didn’t stop them from being in love, no matter how much they fought it. Despite the dangers and potential scandal, The Queen herself did very little to discourage it once she found out, having spent her life married to a man she didn’t love all because she had caved to her own parents demands.

Eventually, William and Elizabeth were married in secret and not long later…they had a daughter. A daughter named Dawn. Shortly before the Queen died, she helped them fabricate a story and told the entire kingdom that Dawn was a lost princess of the now deceased king and queen, finally brought home at last. Very few people actually know the truth, not even Dawn herself.

They continued that way for many years. That is until one fateful day…Elizabeth died in battle. William blamed himself, wished that he could follow his queen and wife to her grave. But he couldn’t, because there was a new queen now, one so young and broken-hearted. One who had no family left, save him, but she didn’t even know that.

Queen Dawn was coronated at only 14 years old. She was so young and scared, and barely had time to change out of her funeral clothes before the kingdom was thrusting a crown upon her head, expecting wisdom and strength and perfection from her, just as they had her sister before her. But through it all, a Knight was by her side. To keep her safe, give her strength, protect her from the many assassination attempts that followed. And often, to make her laugh when no one was looking. Because unlike the council or advisors or subjects, he hadn’t forgotten that she was still just a child…his child.

Five headcanons game

[tim-hoe-wan]

okay I have a controversial hot take that I’d like your thoughts on (feel free to answer in the tags), I work in PR within the sports industry so it is a bit different to your circle so this is almost where this comes from. I don’t really understand Olivia Wilde’s whole “men never get held accountable for their actions but woman do” when in a way, it’s not really accurate in terms of her situation. For example, if you look at Ned Fulmer, Ime Udoka and going back to Rupert Sanders, who all done a very similar thing to Olivia, every one of them have been held accountable for their actions (rightly so), yet Olivia was given Vogue articles praising her for having an affair with a younger man and how it’s almost acceptable to do so. I know a lot of people have been comparing her to other male directors who have acted unprofessionally/rude etc on set but a lot of the time some of the situations are completely unrelated (like comparing her to Weinstein, Scorsese etc).

When she got her vogue cover my friend pointed out she got off very easily, aside from having the herd of Harry stans trying to grab her neck. I feel these things will always be a case by case basis. Rupert/Ned/Ime are easy replaceable figures. Steven Spielberg and Kate Capshaw's relationship literally started on an on-set affair. He was the director and she's his subordinate. He was literally married at that time. He left unscathed because social media didn't exist at that time and he's Steven Spielberg. He was and is basically untouchable.

Olivia is a weird one because she's not in any way untouchable, yet she's gone the opposite of Ned Fulmer. I really think a major part of this is because she's a white woman and because of the number of Harry stans who will stan anything and anyone he touches. That vogue article is 110% a grown ass woman living her fanfic life through Olivia. I was the perfect age for 1D marketing so even if I wasn't a fan, I knew all the fanfic tropes that stemmed from them and as my gc pointed out, Olivia is basically molding herself into the fictional girlfriend and all the tropes of the Harry Styles fanfic. They even went on to create a checklist of all the things she'll do and the pr angle they'll lead versus the usual fanfic trope of Y/N. They also pointed out that unlike Ned and Rupert, they outright admitted to what they've done. Olivia tried and is still trying to hide the truth of her cheating, even though the evidence is one google away. Now she could have been mentally and emotionally checked out for a good lone time, but her own actions do not point to oh we broke up early this year. But the fact that it is a he said she said situation does make it harder for people to just point fingers.

In the end, this wouldn't have aggravated to this degree if Harry wasn't involved and if Jason didn't speak his side. But neither she nor her film would have gotten any clout without Harry either. Right now with dwd being a critical flop, all she has to succeed is Harry and his clout.

[echotrinityme]

Choose Me, Henry Chapter 3 Dave Is A Good Friend

A/N: There will be an endgame ship and alternative endings.  I'm not telling you what those are cause that would spoil the fun.

Dave was carrying two cups of coffee as he was trying to find Henry. Dave Panpa was Henry's only friend in the Government since he joined, Dave used to be a police officer like Rupert but was fired cause of certain "things". He took a job as a security guard and he was doing a good job until he was captured by The Toppat Clan. He was saved by Rupert and the Government, he lost his legs, and Dr. V gave him new set of legs.

He made friends with the other soldiers like Charles Calvin, Victoria Grit, June July, the Bukowski twins, etc. However, he's been spending time with Henry cause Henry needs his help. Dave was humming merrily while still holding the coffees, he walked past Charles and Rupert whom were talking when they saw him walk past them. They watched him as he went over to Henry who was waiting for him, Dave handed Henry's coffee to him as they lean against a rock. Henry thanked him as he took a sip, Dave smiled at him.

Charles and Rupert stared at them while they were chatting. Charles shook his head as he crossed his arms, Rupert was glaring at them. "I don't know why Dave keeps talking to him, Rupert." Charles said.

"I don't know either, Charlie." Rupert replied as he also crossed his arms, "I don't want him talking to Henry."

"Have you tried telling him to not talk to him?"

"No. Dave is his own person, I can't tell him not to talk to Henry."

Charles nodded in agreement as Rupert continued, "Besides Dave's my friend. I have to support him, if he wants to talk to Henry, he can talk to Henry.

Charles nodded again as they both kept staring at Dave and Henry.

Meanwhile with Dave and Henry, they kept talking about random stuff.

"So, Henry." Dave said as smiled at him. "While you were leader of the Toppat clan, did you have any friends or any significant other?"

Dave was the only one in the Government who can ask these questions without getting triggered.

Henry's face fell when Dave asked that question, he quietly clench his cup as he sighed heavily, he then closed his eyes. He exhale a sharp breath as he open his eyes, he glanced at Dave whom was waiting for an answer. "I only had like two friends and for significant other...he was a good lover." he replied sadly.

"Oh?" Dave said as he tilted his head in confusion. "Who? What happened to him?"

Henry chuckled as he scoffed, "I think you know him by Burt Curtis." he said bitterly.

Dave blinked at Henry's tone, "What's wrong?" he asked gently.

"It's been a while since I come here and none of my "friends" or Burt has come to find me." Henry replied sadly as his voice wavered. "They should have come for me by now..."

Henry turn away from Dave so he wouldn't see him crying, he dropped his cup on the ground, spilling coffee onto the dirt. He covered his face with his hands, Dave immediately put his cup down and hugged him. Charles's and Rupert's eyes widen in shock and surprise at Dave's actions. Henry never let anyone touch him even when to help him, he always will lashes out or snap at them. Heck, Dr. V can't go near him unless she tells him. So seeing Dave hugging him without getting push back or scolded by him is just a shockingly weird sight to witness.

"Hey, shhh. Calm down, Henry." Dave said softly and gently. "It's okay, I'm here. If your friends and Burt hasn't come for you, they're not worth it...believe me, I know."  

Henry cease his crying as he lean into Dave's embrace, "B-But I-I love Burt... He was actually the first relationship I ever had." he mumbled sadly.

"Like I said before, Henry. If he hasn't come for you yet, he's not worth it."

"I guess you're right."

Dave kept hugging him until Henry gently let go of him, he shudder for a mintue as he took deep breaths, then he finally calm down. "You feeling better?" Dave asked.

Henry nodded as he looked at the ground, "Yeah... Listen I'm gonna head off to my tent, I'm tired. It was nice talking to you." he replied.

"Okay, bye Henry." Dave said. "Get some rest."

Henry nodded as he went back to his tent, he waved goodbye to Dave, Dave waved back. Charles and Rupert stared at Henry leaving Dave alone, they were still wondering what happened. "I wonder what's that about?" Charles said with a hint of concern in his voice.

"I'm...not sure, I'm gonna have to ask Dave later." Rupert replied.

Charles and Rupert resume their conversation but the scene where Henry's breakdown still lingers in their minds.

Later that night, Rupert and Dave were getting ready for bed. Rupert saw Dave was laying on his bed and he took a deep breath. Okay, he's going to ask Dave his questions about Henry. "Oi, Dave... What were yer and Henry were talking about earlier?" he asked nonchalantly.  

Dave looked at Rupert and shrugged, "Just normal stuff." Dave replied.

Rupert blinked for a moment, "Alright but what's with Henry's breakdown earlier?"

Dave sat up to look at Rupert, he sighed as he lay back down. "It's just something personal, he's fine now." he replied as he thought about Henry's breakdown.

Rupert stared at Dave, "What kind of personal stuff?" he asked as he mentally slapped himself. He knew he shouldn't be asking but he's actually curious about Henry's breakdown.

"It's none of your business, Rupert." Dave said firmly. "You know this."

"Oi, I just wanna know." Rupert defended as he put his hands up.

"Look, I know you hate him and you only see him as a criminal." Dave snapped suddenly as he got up in front of Rupert's face, making him jump a little from his tone. "And I'm not gonna invade Henry's privacy so you can us it to bully him, I know you and Charles bully him."

Rupert wanted to say something but Dave interrupted him, "Don't try to deny it. I have seen and heard what you guys have done to Henry. Just because he used to be a former criminal doesn't mean he does not have feelings." Dave continued. "He's already feeling bad, he doesn't need you or Charles to make it worse."

Dave went back to his bed and got under the covers, he looked over at Rupert with an angry expression on his face. "I'm going to bed, I want you to think about your actions towards others especially Henry. Now good night."

Dave shut the lights without hearing Rupert's reply, Rupert stood there in the dark looking dumbfounded, "Oi...what just happened?" he thought as he quietly slip into bed.

He didn't get any sleep cause he thought of what Dave had say to him about Henry.  

[hellohels]

Life lately

For so long I haven’t really written down anything. Writing down my thoughts and feelings was an escape for me back then. I feel like when I am writing them, it somehow helps me cope with all the emotions I am feeling. 

I haven’t written down anything the past years, maybe because the emotions I have right now, isn’t something I want to escape from. It’s something I want to feel and let it grow in me. 

Last 2019, I got married. I got married so quickly, everyone was surprised. I was surprised to. I met my husband through bumble. When I used to use online dating apps. I do set my expectation that it will always be a fling thing. 

Don’t get me wrong, even thou I set that expectation to myself in the back of my mind. I’m still me, who is a sucker for kilig moments. I easily fall into traps. I met guys that are just into fun. I met guys who are loyal but doesn’t really go into commitments. It came to a point where I told myself, I am done looking for someone. I am done giving my feelings right away. 

So when I met Rupert, I wasn’t really expecting anything. (Hell I wasn’t expecting to getting married to him). It was one of the moments where I think oh, its another fun fling. 

The first time we saw each other, it was not the typical meet ups where you know it will end as just one hook-up. I met him with my friends. I just imagine how weird it must be for him, to meet someone for the first time and have their friends there. But honestly, the first time I met him, was the first time I also knew he was different. He didn’t really tell me to just reschedule because I was with my friends. He was okay with it. 1 green flag. 

The 2nd green flag im giving him. Was he never initiated that he wants a hook-up. I remember we had weeks of talking, meeting up to eat dinner and watching movies. From the North, he would go to BGC after my work just to spend time with me and go home. There was no intent of pushing me to go and sleep with him. 

I was very busy with my life when I met him. My out of the country trips. My career moving so fast. I have made big decisions with my life. And he was just there supporting me. 

2018 was when I first moved out from home. I moved to Pampanga for work. He would visit me in Pampanga, and go back to qc for work. I am sure, my first few months living alone wouldn’t be as easy if it wasn’t for him. 

2019 came, and my dad being himself of course has been bugging me that we should get married. Because he knows he stays with me most times. I thought, well, I am in this relationship not just for fun. I knew it was for the long run. So we decided, well. We don’t really have to wait. We got married a month before our anniversary. My friends told me to not do it. Hell I had doubts. 

I was worried that it might be too early in the relationship. But here we are, still married. I have to say it was not easy at all. Marriage is really something else. My priorities shifted. It was not just me that I have to think about. My decisions are not just for myself. I always have to consider him too. 

My life really changed. We have been married for almost, 3 years now. I know that’s not too long. But I am very happy with what I have right now. 

Coming from a very toxic relationship, I never knew this was the kind of love that I deserve. The love that I don’t need to ask for love, because it is given. Love that will not give you doubts because he never gave me a reason to doubt. Love that is not perfect, but will still choose each other. 

Now I understand that love is indeed a choice. That someone can throw everything away, because they chose to. 

The feeling of success is different when you have someone with you in the path you took. Having our own car, building our own house. I don’t think I can be able to do this, without Rupert supporting me. 

So to my husband (who doesn’t really know I write here), thank you. Thank you for choosing me everyday. For not letting me feel that I should doubt at anytime. Thank you for supporting me with all the craziness that I do. I know someday, all of our dreams will come true. And I wouldn’t choose anyone else to be in this road we’re on. 

I love you.

[media-mel]

More film/show quick reviews

I Am Not Okay With This (2020) - ok this is a series but shhhh! I LOVED this. The main girl is SOOO likeable and funny to me. Sad it was cancelled, now I want to read the comic to find out what happens next…

Monty Python and the Holy Grail (1975) - I did watch this once as a kid, but shh. Very quippy and quotable, I kept thinking of various KH crack videos with dubs from this LOL.

Polar (2019) - More camp than I expected LOL. The vibes between Montana and the rest of the film feel like two different movies. In terms of women roles, it feels uh.. pre-Gamer Gate… CW: long sex scene, fatphobia, torture, and the dog dies…

The Spider Man Trilogy (2002, 2004, 2007) - Okay I actually genuinely love how camp these movies are. Love the camera movement. Still really surprised how good the 2004 film is!

The Irishman (2019) - god this movie was so long and for what! LOL. Fantastic performances though. And I got used to the de-aging VFX, even if they caught me off guard at first. Still, perhaps I wasn't the audience this movie was for because I really felt it was so long...

Venom + Venom Carnage (2018, 2021) - Wow I really just… really do not fucking care for car chase scenes LOL. These movies were alright, but honestly I probably will never watch them again haha. Venom and Eddie were funny! I saw glimpses of the sexuality that all the fans were bonkers about (though it was weaker than I expected based on said fans reactions lmao).

Titan AE (2000) - Very very y2k movie LOL. The rock music is sooo funny and does not fit the sci fi at ALL imo lmao. I do prefer Treasure Planet for Jim and Silver’s relationship, so I wish the emotional relationships were stronger in this movie. But still a fun movie. Stith4Ever. Why was Akima’s skull so fucking long.

The Hunger Games films (2012, 2013, 2014, 2015)- I know that these movies ironically fulfill the very notion I've heard the books were against (making a entertaining spectacle of dark topics, among other things), I do really like them 🙈 My favorite will always be Mocking Jay pt 1 just because I love that underground-jumpsuit aesthetic LOL. Lock me away, boys 🚓🚨

The Super Mario Bros. Movie (2023) - Okay other than Illumination’s loathsome “Our movies cannot slow down at all even once” problem, this movie was great. They made Mario and Luigi. So. fucking. adorable. And Bowser was great ofc.

American Psycho (2000) - I DO think this is a good film, but I also can’t BELIEVE this satirical doofus is the guy so many men project themselves onto LOL. I wasn’t expecting a theme on conformity, but to me its what makes the movie interesting.

The King's Man (2021) - This delivered what I expected: fun characters, action scenes that are unique and actually interesting, epic music that makes you feel like you’re with old friends. And it delivered what I did not expect: The WEIRDEST erotic scene I have EVER seen LMAO.

Agent Cody Banks (2003) - Saw this so young I don’t really remember it. This movie has a much higher budget than I remember LOL. Not really innovative but it was for kids, and I remember loving it.

Nope (2022) - okay okay I will admit at first I was like “okay how does the monkey connect” but my dumbass didn't realize Jupe had been purposely giving horses to the UFO, so realizing that Jupe tried taming the UFO in the way he thought he tamed the monkey really made me love this film even more. No wonder Jordan Peele's considered the next Steven Spielberg!

Rope (1948) - NGL I was hoping Rupert would go along :/ This would be so fun on see on stage, I enjoyed it!

Psycho (1960) - I enjoyed this too! One scene that will stick with me is the camera shift in Norman and Marion’s conversation when mothers are brought up. Very interesting cinematography there.

Hoodwinked (2005) - l watched this friends lmao; I was very hesitant, but I gotta admit it was funnier than I expected. The various POVs really makes it a unique animated comedy.

Fight Club (1999) - God first 12 minutes of this film I thought I was going fucking crazy! But hey you know I get it now. This is a fun movie. It feels like the opposite reaction to consumerism and conformity than American Psycho’s, an interesting pair of movies.

Three Pines (2022) - Once again, a show not a film, but I really enjoyed this series. Loved the setting, the atmosphere, the characters, the mysteries. Even though its a detective show with murder, I still found it oddly cozy enough to be a comfort show for the future LOL. Maybe it's because Armand is just that likeable!

[troglobite]

one more time for those in the back: pls don't say anything abt the shows i watch. lol

now here are some more Thoughts

okay i went back and watched the first episode of s3 and i FULLY agree w ppl theorizing that ted is gonna go back to kansas at some point this season, and then likely return.

the ENTIRE EPISODE was ted being like why the fuck am i here?

and yes it was spurred on bc of henry--but that seems to be sort of his main concern and motivation in general

he had to take henry to the airport, had to worry abt his flight, asking him directly if he knows why ted's still there

he even asked beard and beard didn't fucking answer him which. INTERESTING.

and then of course henry and the bullying thing and ted panicking and wanting to be back there in the latest ep.

also fun detail, while he's in the airport, the--what do you call the. speaker? speaker. whatever.

the person over the speaker in the airport noted that the flight to amsterdam was delayed. 👀 now what does that mean? lol

also rebecca quite literally says in the first episode TO KEELEY that she HAS grown. she used to want to crush everything rupert loved--and now she just wants to beat him.

what did i say abt that revenge body era? lol

it's not perfect but christ, again, it's only been 2 years after a TWELVE YEAR MARRIAGE and he is constantly antagonizing her in public. i'd be still hurt and pissed, too.

other thoughts!

nathan. [stares]

yeah honestly it'll be interesting. there's not much to say that hasn't already been said.

but basically rupert is clearly trying to manipulate and control him into a little mini-me that will win everything for him. the car, the look, the office, ms. kakes, etc.

yes also we get the foreshadowing of the tinted window in keeley's office in this episode.

orgasm for the soul is said in the same place that, undoubtedly, keeley & jack have regular orgasms later on. lol

but also she had to schedule time to cry--and later in these next few eps we see that. well. it seems maybe she has a little more wiggle room if she manages to get caught up w jack, etc. lol

also what is WITH barbara and jack? and barbara in general? less so the second one. but the investor sent her over as the cfo. so i'm. hm.

also keeley not knowing what cfo is, and later not knowing what position to give to shandy, officially.

again, she's not stupid--she just doesn't know the ins and outs bc she wasn't raised in that shit.

also idk it's interesting there's a parallel w keeley and nathan in that they both have a person from their past who's reminding them of where they came from

for nathan, it seems to go well w jade at the restaurant--friends or dating. thematically, makes sense.

for keeley, shandy doesn't work out so great. and i'm REALLY wondering what the final takeaway will be about that relationship and how things fell apart. bc believe me, it's not over.

also obviously leslie saying at the beginning they should look to get new blood--initially ted vetoes the idea. doesn't seem to think they need it.

but he just sort of. rolls over. lets it happen. says you got it, i'll be flying like a butterfly stinging like a bee all season, etc.

and his entire conversation w the doc over the phone that i only half paid attention to the first time bc him trimming his nose hair was. Gross. lol

but he literally says

what if i'm doing more harm than good

what if they'd be better off without me

what if i'm holding them back

she says to him "you don't quit things"

as a literal answer--part of why he's there.

everyone is echoing to him the reasons he's offered for staying. he doesn't quit, it's to win the whole fucking thing (as rebecca AND henry remind him).

so yeah i absolutely agree, i think ted is going to leave.

it will. potentially. break the fucking team. they just love him so much. i have no other thoughts or ideas abt how that would go. but it does feel absolutely certain.

also of course higgins suggesting new blood does also foreshadow him suggesting that ted is actually the problem w the team.

and he IS out of it and FEELS out of it and is just questioning his entire purpose there.

meanwhile jamie is soaring, flying, brilliant colors. he's doing GREAT! he's internalized ted's message and ethos, but with his own style. he cares abt the team. he kept his confidence and sometimes allows his ego out.

BOTH times the team starts getting worried in the locker room, it's JAMIE who calms everyone down.

he's not a mini-ted--but he's a very enlightened little jamie! and i'm proud of him.

also would you believe i forgot until this very moment that jamie has that whole stint on a reality tv show and then has such an attitude problem that no teams and no tv shows and no pr firms even want him anymore? and THAT'S how he ends up back at richmond? i completely fucking forgot until this very moment.

anyway, jamie's doing really well, right off the bat.

ALSO

we get TWO hints abt roy's uncertainty having to fill in for nate's position. "i know i'm not a tactical genius like nate" and then keeley saying "roy i know you're worried abt that but--"

very interesting.

roy is insecure.

he has been since the beginning.

and it often seems the anger overcompensates for that.

and yet in those moments, he doesn't have a lot of anger. he looks at keeley like he's HURT, not angry--bc when is he ever angry at her, anyway?

but like he's HURT that she would try and comfort him. as if to say "really? now?"

which. is interesting. bc she says they're on a break, and he says they've broken up.

and yet--

at the end of season 2. it was roy being a big ol baby that keeley wouldn't take two weeks off for vacation with him, and keeley being like "babe, i have to start my own business. i'm gonna be busy."

like. i guess that's not a "and yet" moment.

that's roy.......realizing how badly he needs so much support and how insecure he is. how much he needs to be someone's priority.

we haven't ever met phoebe's mom, and she says that her parents got divorced when she was four. "one of my core beliefs is that nothing lasts forever"

is roy..........

maybe feeling some of the stuff he imagines phoebe might? he has to be there for her bc her mom is--

way. too busy. for her.

yeah. okay. that makes sense. lol

perhaps he wanted a clean cut. even though they agreed that she could still hang out with keeley. ostensibly....

yeah it's interesting.

what else?

beard and roy bonding is nice.

also the hoosiers reference.

interesting. little details are similar.

i'm just sort of. thinking and wondering. what elements are going to be thematically relevant and compelling throughout this season. bc that seems. deliberate.

ALSO realized that season 1 also included/featured ted's getting ready routine--but it was to get ready for bed, instead. this one is to get ready for work.

[stares]

i've connected the dots

you haven't connected shit

i've connected them

[stares at the empty spot where an answer to 'so what?' should be]

HMM!!!!

anyway.

thinky thoughts.

ALSO idk if it was. intentional or relevant.

when they went to the sewer--also ted says that henry wanted to go in order to face his fears. roy says that's fucking smart.

[squints purposefully]

okay anyway when they go to the sewer, the first players to climb down seem to be plot-relevant for the season, which of course makes sense.

but then isaac is on one far end

and colin is on the other

i think roy and jamie are near each other??? idk

basically i am Paying Attention. lol

okay i think that's everything.

[thegirlwholied]

Rupert Friend's casting in the Obi-Wan show just shouts at me "this man is an Imperial officer"