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#i know full well people are allowed to feel how they feel and i know i can't singlehandedly fix it
theladybrownstarot · 2 days
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Pick-A-Card : What does your feminine side wants you to know ? (Collab : @tarot-by-e11e♡)
☪︎ Here's my masterlist for more !
☪︎ Make sure you like/reblogg/follow/Comment for more pacs like these !
Pile 1. Pile 2.
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Pile 3. Pile 4.
˚☽◯☾˚₊‧⁺˖˖⁺‧₊˚☽◯☾˚₊‧⁺˖˖⁺‧₊˚☽◯☾˚₊‧⁺˖˖⁺‧₊˚☽◯☾˚₊‧⁺˖
Pile 1 .
Namaste pile 1 ! Let's get with your reading :-
cards pulled out : 10 of wands rx, 8 of swords rx and The sun .
☪︎ You people are literally stressed out and burdened with a lot of things that can be felt through the reading . Are you people having teeth pain out of stress because i can feel that . Your feminine side says that stop for second leave others and prioritize your mental and physical well-being ! take proper sleep do not over-do anything because there's always a limit . Your feminine side says even though you got lot of potential inside you but still take how much you can do.
☪︎ Next , some of you might be going through some legal problems and if not then you are full of unecessary thoughts which needs to filtered out seriously otherwise you are going to face lot of problems. Doing work out fear , insecurity or any other negative emotion is not gonna help you out . You might be facing some kind of injustice and i really feel that your feminine side says that you are not taking any proper action against it this tells me the need to have proper boundary for yourselves .
☪︎ last but not the least , your feminine side says that she is going to beat the shit out of you if you cannot enjoy and let yourselves get drowned in that sadistic pool of thoughts and actions ! let yourself be happy and really bring out that child inside you that craves to go out and do whatever it wants , be positive your world is not going to end .
˚☽◯☾˚₊‧⁺˖˖⁺‧₊˚☽◯☾˚₊‧⁺˖˖⁺‧₊˚☽◯☾˚₊‧⁺˖˖⁺‧₊˚☽◯☾˚₊‧⁺˖
Pile 2 . [@tarot-by-e11e]
Thank you so much for being here ♡ @e11e27
Cards pulled out : 2 of Cups, 8 of Coins reversed, Temperance, 7 of Swords, 3 of Swords, Queen of Wands, Hierophant, Knight of Wands, Judgement.
☪︎ The time in my clock is 1:01 pm as I sat down by my window enjoying the cool summer rain, so that I can interpret for my dear pile 2.
☪︎ Angel number 101 shares an undeniable news about growth, progress and new beginnings. There is this welcoming message of growth and collaboration with your feminine side. This makes me feel like my pile 2 are either: finally taking baby steps in wanting to lean more into your feminine side OR you've reached a certain point of burn out, that you feel called to want to learn how to graciously accept the help from the universe and your guides.
☪︎ With the 2 of Cups, there's this gentle whisper of unity and mutual respect for your feminine side. It would seem that pile 2 might have "girl-bossed" a little too hard this past few weeks/months, so much so that you’d rather push your body to the point of exhaustion than actively allowing yourself to rest and recuperate. There's also this air of hypervigilance caused by the lack of genuine support and healthy role models growing up.
☪︎ More like, Pile 2 was surrounded by who they promised they will never want to become. With the first card alone, the message your feminine side wants to tell you: Let yourself be open to others again.
☪�� It seems that Pile 2 had experience betrayals and has been in survival mode to God knows how long. To be so disregulated that you feel guilty for even purchasing skincare, even if you are not financially struggling anymore, is quite a heartbreaking situation to be in. Your feminine side is telling you: "Self - Care = Self - Love", so pile 2 can be the type of person that struggles to be okay with putting themselves first. It seems this pile is for my people pleasers.
☪︎ The songs, "You don't know" by Katelyn Tarver popped in my head. Particularly the lines, "I know you got the best intentions, just trying to find the right words to say..."; this line makes me feel like a line you want to tell anyone who wants to help you out. In this case, this is a song you dedicate to your own feminine side. But here's the thing sweetie, your feminine side DOES KNOW WHAT IT'S LIKE TO BE YOU...
☪︎ Your feminine side, as much as they want to help you out, they can't seem to outscream your insecurities and troubles away. Your feminine side is soft spoken yet firm with their love for you. Your feminine side wants you to know they'll always be here for you, they're just waiting for you to sit quietly in your feelings and take the time to hear them out. They're always ready to help, they're just waiting on your signal. And you choosing this pile, your feminine side is welcoming you with open arms, with them, you are allowed to safely get vulnerable, without judgement or shame. They're always ready to welcome you back into helping you feel like *you* again.
☪︎ So first thing your feminine side wants to tell you is: "Welcome back home".
☪︎ With 8 of Coins reversed, your feminine side wants you to forgive yourself for only taking the time to only want to hear what they have to tell you. It's okay, you're safe with your feminine side. Remember, no judgement or shame will ever come from them.
☪︎ With how much you have on your plate in your life right now Pile 2, having debts and bills to pay, responsibilities piling up higher than your bookshelves, alot of people depend on you for everything, even on things that they can easily deal with themselves, yet they actively decided to pass their burdens to you. Seeing as your attention, focus and efforts are needed elsewhere, it's okay that you only felt the need to sit down to what they have to tell you.
☪︎ The more I interpret for pile 2, the more I can imagine that this pile is for the chronic workaholic people pleasers, it also has the vibe of the sole provider and/or oldest sibling energy. The heavy feeling of burn out is so prevalent in this pile, so much so that you tend to be the type to drown in work while your friends and family barely got a chance to spend time with you.
☪︎ Just know, they love you and miss you so much. They do appreciate your efforts to keeping a roof over everyone's heads and food on the table, but you tend to forget that you deserve to be taken cared for too. This is a strong message from your feminine side, let others show how much they can take care of you. Let others into your life. Learn to let love in again in your life again. Betrayals in any shape or form had closed the gates of your heart, to the point of self-imposed isolation, guised as working hard to provide. It seems that pile 2 overworks to hide their pain. It's like, "Working more means less time to feel".
☪︎ With Temperance, your feminine side suggests you start reassessing your current lifestyle and curate your daily routines to cultivate a "healthy work life balance". I can already feel some of pile 2 are rolling their eyes back so far inside that they can see their brain cells barely surviving from fatigue. And yes, I'm also lovingly call out those of you who leaned back as you begrudgingly "ugggggggggghhhh..." into surrender.
☪︎ Definitely my burn out overwhelmed workaholic people pleasers pile. You're so conditioned to always Go, go, go to the next task before letting yourself catch your breath. My dear, unless your line of work is in ER surgery, you allowing yourself to rest won't lead to someone's demise. So if you work in the medical field pile 2, your feminine side is way more stricter with you about work-life balance. I heard the words "It's non negotiable at this point". So pile 2, please, for the love of rainbows, cookies and butterflies, please curate your daily routines into a healthy work-life balance.
☪︎ With 7 of swords, your feminine side is asking you to keep quiet about your plans for self-love and self-care. This was a rather odd card to show up but with the multiple instances of me mentioning betrayal with the previous cards, it seems pile 2 is surrounded by people who benefit from your lack of boundaries. That's actually the kind of betrayals you've consistently dealt with. People taking your kindness and generosity for weakness, as if it's an invitation to openly abuse your giving heart. Oh no dear pile 2, I'm so sorry you are surrounded by people who can't stand you stepping into your power.
☪︎ This message feels rather severe but your feminine side is asking you to keep your happiness and achievements under wraps and offline. Don't post anything celebratory, it seems that evil eye and ill wishes from jealous and insecure coworkers and/or family members tends be your usual cause of bad luck. So with that, cleanse and establish healthy boundaries with people who have proven that they have no intention of wishing you well. Keep those kind of people out of your life. Take that message in any shape or form that you feel called to interpret it as.
☪︎ Your feminine side urges you to let yourself be nurtured again. You don't have to always be assertive; you don't have to also be the one that leads. You are allowed and you deserve to receive. So let yourself be on the receiving of your friends and loved one's care.
˖⁺‧₊˚☽◯☾˚₊‧⁺˖˖⁺‧₊˚☽◯☾˚₊‧⁺˖˖⁺‧₊˚☽◯☾˚₊‧⁺˖˖⁺‧₊˚☽◯☾˚₊‧⁺˖
Pile 3 . [@tarot-by-e11e]
Thank you so much for being here @e11e27 ♡
Cards pulled out : High Priestess, Ace of Swords, 4 of Wands, King of Cups, 4 of Swords, Strength, 6 of Coins
𐙚 My dearest pile 3, right off the bat, this feels like the “Stepping into your power” pile.
☪︎ Starting with the High Priestess, this talks about listening to your intuition, leaning more onto your spiritual practices, and, in this specific question, leaning more into listening to your feminine side. I feel called to share a little way to discern the difference between intuition, anxiety, and wishful thinking.
☪︎ Wishful thinking feels self-gratifying and short-lived, and leans more toward satisfying an urge/itch in the moment; like having a quick dopamine fix from doomscrolling. It’s the easiest to fulfill and do, out of all the three.
☪︎ Anxiety is fear-based and meant to keep you safe; there are certain times when safety, when taken too far, leaves you stuck and resentful; If any negative thought starts with “What if..”, this is an example of an intrusive thought that’s rooted in anxiety. It feels comfortable because it’s familiar, but it leaves you regretful and resentful for not pursuing something else.
☪︎ Intuition is sometimes like an invisible cord that’s pulling you into doing something you subconsciously feel is the right thing to do. There are times when intuition makes you feel uncomfortable, if you are in a period of stagnancy; but there are also times when intuition feels right, when even without logical and substantial evidence to back up the decision, you feel in your gut that it “just makes sense.”
☪︎ With Ace of Swords, your feminine side shares that you will receive some sort of clarity/breakthrough once you learn to listen to your intuition more; it takes practice to differentiate fear and inner knowing, so be kinder to yourself as you go about this journey. The more you listen to your gut, the easier it is for you to have new ideas and have a sense of focus towards the vision of what you want your life to unfold as.
☪︎ 4 of Wands is about your community, stability, and a sense of belongingness. With this, your feminine side suggests you put yourself out into the world to call in your soul tribe/chosen family. More like, the more you become the person you know you are meant to be, the easier it will be to naturally draw in your like-minded community.
☪︎ With the King of Cups, your feminine side urges you to embrace a compassionate approach in life, not just towards others, but particularly, towards yourself. Try to strike the balance between duty and nurture. Try to find a way to hone the skill of living a balanced life.
☪︎ Pile 3, your feminine side urges you to let yourself rest in the 4 of Swords; taking a nap while overthinking is not resting; sleeping and feeling guilty about not being productive hours before is not resting. (Damn, the call-out is real in this pile). Your feminine side asks you to truly let yourself rest and recuperate, unapologetically. How about this: whether you rest later, or rest now, your responsibilities remain; so if you rest properly now, you’ll have more energy to do your tasks wholeheartedly, and the chances of you producing results beyond your expectations is a high possibility. But if you push yourself too hard now just to have something you can “produce for the sake of having an output”, 9/10 the result is half-assed, and this will lead you to have more reason to stress and be filled with regrets. So the choice is up to you.
☪︎ The Strength card feels like your feminine side is telling you to embrace your inner power. If you’re the type that’s made to feel small, now’s the time for you to step out of your comfort zone, and try to build your confidence. You don’t have to make a huge. Life-altering change overnight. This feels more like building that steady foundation of your self-confidence. Learn how to reassure yourself that no matter what, you’ll get through everything because you are sure about your decisions and dreams in life.
‧₊˚☽◯☾˚₊‧⁺˖˖⁺‧₊˚☽◯☾˚₊‧⁺˖˖⁺‧₊˚☽◯☾˚₊‧⁺˖˖⁺‧₊˚☽◯☾˚₊‧⁺˖
Pile 4 .
Namaste pile 1 ! Let's get with your reading :-
cards pulled out : The world rx , The hermit , Knight of pentacles , Ace of penatcles rx and the emperor rx .
☪︎ People your feminine side encourages you to move forward and no to give up because you are almost the half way to what you need , i feel you are going through major setbacks and still you people trying to do everything you got to make yourself come out of the situation you are in currently and you will actually .
☪︎ Your feminine side encourages you to go for deep self reflection and take time-off from people and other things to sort out what needs to be , she says that you already have got all the wisdom and solution you are seeking that was because of the constant experience , i feel there's a mistake or an action that your committing again and needs to be stopped . She encourages you to meditate and take rest and don't seek help outside because you got it all !
☪︎ Some of you might be having some male relation issue or an issue with authority which will resolve quickly but you being encourages to take your stand .
☪︎ Your feminine encourages or warns you to be aware of any future scam or money investment you are doing , you need to change your long term financial plan or need to revaluate for better , I feel some of you might not get the desired job as of now and it could be that you facing job related issue which resolve quickly withing 2-3 months or before just do not stop .
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felassan · 16 hours
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Dragon Age: The Veilguard - known Character Creation info
This post is just a dump collection of info and snippets that came out about CC (& some related topics). if you've been following the news or reading posts here, it's not new info or anything, I just put it together in one place here for convenience. ( ˶´ ᵕ `˶ )
if you notice anything missing, pls lmk. there's a bit of repetition of info in places as prev posts on the topic overlapped.
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CC is vast [source] and immensely detailed [source]
We will enter CC straight after Varric’s opening narration [source]
You are given 5 categories to work your way through in CC: Lineage, Appearance, Class, Faction, Playstyle. Each of these has a range of subcategories within them. There are 8 subcategories within the “head” subcategory" in “Appearance” alone [source]
Lineage dictates things like race (i.e. human, elf, dwarf, qunari) and backstory [source]
Backstories include things like factions. Factions offer 3 distinct buffs each [source]
There are dozens and dozens of hairstyles [source]
There are separate options for binary and non-binary pronouns and gender [source]
“BioWare’s work behind the scenes, meanwhile, goes as deep as not only skin tones but skin undertones, melanin levels, and the way skin reacts differently to light” [source]
CC has a range of lighting options within it so that you can check how the character looks in them [source]
There are a range of full-body customization options such as a triangular slider between body types and individual settings down to everything from shoulder width to glute volume [source]. There are “all the sliders [we] could possibly want”. The body morpher option allows us to choose different body sizes [source]
All body options are non-gendered [source]
They/them pronouns are an option [source]
Rook can be played as non-binary [source]
Individual strands of hair were rendered separately and react remarkably to in-game physics [source]
Special, focused attention was paid to ensuring that hairstyles “come across as well-representative, that everyone can see hairstyles that feel authentic to them, even the way they render” [source]
The game uses strand hair technology borrowed in part from the EA Sports games. The hair is “fully-controlled by physics,” so it “looks even better in motion than it does here in a standstill” [source]
The ability to import our choices from previous games is fully integrated into CC. This will take the form of tarot cards - “you can go into your past adventures” and this mechanic tells you what the context was and what decision you want to make [source]
In CC we will also be able to customize/remake our Inquisitor [source]
A core tenet of the game is “be who you want to be” [source]
There are presets for all 4 of the game’s races (human, elf, dwarf, qunari), in case detailed CCs overwhelm you [source]
It is the best CC BioWare has ever made in a game [source]
The faction we choose will determine who we as protagonist Rook were before they were recruited to put a stop to Solas [source]
Certain conversation options are only available to Rooks of certain factions. For example, Grey Wardens get conversation options that are focused on the Blight, as they know more about it from other people. It also impacts how people talk to Rook (reactivity from characters and then faction reactivity from plots relating to that faction) [source]
Faction choice affects a lot of things [source]
There aren’t unique missions (I think this means like the playable Origins in DA:O), but faction choice does set the course for Rook for the rest of the game [source]
“body customization and morphing. From more muscular characters, to curvier builds, and just about any shape you want to give your character, there are all sorts of toggles to adjust so you can give them any figure you want”. “There’s even features that let you choose proportions, so you can alter their height, give them wider shoulders, and much more” [source]
There are makeup options [source]
There are tattoo options [source]
The hair uses a “Strand system” to “make them behave and move in a believable way for the different races” [source]. (Fel note/speculation: I think “race” here refers to irl, as opposed to like human vs qunari or something, as the language they are using for human/elf/dwarf/qunari is “Lineage”)
There are 4 voices to choose from for Rook: two feminine and tow masculine (one American, one British for each) [source]
In CC, 'Lineage’ is the game’s parlance for race i.e. human, elf, dwarf, qunari [source]
We can pick Rook’s name, but the dialogue calls them 'Rook’ [source]
In CC we can “make a few key decisions that will impact how The Veilguard begins” [source]
“I really do think its our most feature-ful character creator ever.” [source]
All armor and clothing options will scale and mesh to any body type [source]
The character creator has lots of sliders for body parts and overall shape, none of which are tied to the voice or pronouns (she/her, he/him, or they/them) that you choose [source]
“Epler took special care to show off the extensive curly and textured hair options in the game, including several versions of braids and locs, noting that increasing these options in particular was very important to the team” [source]
You can change your character’s physical appearance at any time during the game, but not their class or backstory [source]
“Each individual class has some variability, too; even the mage class has some up-close-and-personal attacks, since a mage player character could still conceivably have an assassin backstory and would therefore need to have some attacks to accommodate that sort of career path” [source]
“ "We’ve spent a lot of time thinking about skin tone,” Corinne said. The character we made, a Black elf, seemed to glow in the bluish light of a nighttime scene, and under bright sunlight, I could see the richness of his color. Corinne: "We want to make sure that skin tone is reflected authentically” “ [source]
” “We have dozens and dozens of hair types,” she said. “And they’re fully affected by physics.” The quality and variety of choices I saw delighted me. The rows of bouncy, luxurious-looking hair of all curl types and textures (and yes, the annoyingly ubiquitous “Killmonger cut” was among the options, what can you do?) brought the biggest smile to my face in the hour I spent with Busche and The Veilguard.“ [source]
BioWare confirmed that even if you make your Rook a short king, the team has done work to ensure animations fit any character build [source]
“Dragon Age’s character creator has seen a massive glow-up” [source]. “The volume of choices you get here are frankly insane. As Epler noted, “you could spend forever here,” and he’s not kidding.” [source] The art and graphics teams spent a lot of time trying to make hair look amazing [source: the Discord]
In CC we can customise our “bulge size” [source]
Some more detail on the new lighting options to see how Rook looks like in CC when you make them: you can view them in “blazing forest sunshine versus the glare of an underground temple” [source]
“newly mobile, extra-hairy hair” [source]
Faction choice has statistical boons. For example, Shadow Dragon Rook deals extra damage to Venatori blood cultists [source]
Faction choice basically determines why Rook has been called to help in the fight against Solas [source]
All pre-determined character models in CC can be adjusted [source]
You can make a really tall dwarf if you want [source]
“Setting your previous world state is fully integrated into the character creator for Veilguard” [source: the Discord]
Inquisitor appearance will be re-created, there is no way to carry their appearance from DA:I into the game [source: the Discord]
Classes for Rook are not restricted in the sense that you can play any almost class, lineage and faction combination that you want. For example, a mage Rook can be a Crow [source: the Discord] (Fel note: it sounded like Rook cannot be a magic-wielding dwarf, even though the exception of Harding now exists) (Fel note: there is a mage Crow in one of the books)
“The diverse body and gender options make it an industry leader by a signifcant margin” [source]
“BioWare was keen to highlight the hair strand technology that looked very similar to that seen in FIFA and EA FC, also made under EA’s roof” [source]
“Fine tuning sliders that allowed for microscopic adjustments of nose angles, it was clear that a lot of options exist to get the smallest possible body parts exactly right” [source]
“There’s no specific genital customisation to be oversold as CDPR did but, much like Saints Row, there is an option for bulge customisation” [source]
Pronoun choice, gender identity, body type, and voice choice are 4 separate options, not tied together [source]
Height is customised on a slider [source]
Size is customized on a triangle like in Saints Row: the 'points’ are fat, slim and muscular [source]
The different lighting options are 4 different settings: clean, bright, dim, sunset [source]
In CC you can also try out what Rook looks like in their starting rags, in typical mid-game armor, and some level 50 gear (class appropriate for each one) [source]
There’s a way for you to modify your character’s look once the game has started if you want to make some tweaks [source: the official Discord]
You can be any class and choose any backstory/faction, any race, any gender [source]
The opening cinematic Varric narrates at the start of the game plays before CC. “Following character creation, Varric’s narration continues, revealing that he’s put together a group to stop Solas, having recruited our character and a handful of others so far.” [source]
Faction choice affects in-game moments between other factions and locations, as well as characters [source]
Re: using body sliders in CC - “It looked incredibly easy to maneuver around and create a body that is either close to that player’s real personage or their ideal fantasy self” [source]
“Our presenter said that each specialization was pretty much as deep as a job” [source]
“Many fans were subject to the horror of DA Inquition’s special green light, so BioWare made it where players could shuffle through a handful of backgrounds to see how their character looks in different lights. Body sliders for fully customizable bodies, other appearance changes like tattoos, and everything fans would expect from a modern Dragon Age character creator seemed to be there.” [source]
Rook always shares a background with 1 of the companions. Makes sense, the backgrounds are Wardens, Crows, Shadow Dragons, Mourn Watch, Veil Jumpers, Lords of Fortune, and that’s Davrin, Lucanis, Neve, Emmrich, Bellara, Taash respectively [source]
The CC team and character art team spent a lot of time working on making sure that hairstyles behaved appropriately, in a realistic way, and on representing a lot of different hairstyles [source]
“We were told that one of the three key pillars of the game was ‘Be Who You Want To Be.’” [source]
“Numerous selections for a wide variety of body types & skin tones” [source]
There is faction-themed gear to wear, like if you chose Grey Warden as a background, there is GW gear. [source: The Discord]
“As a faction, the Inquisition doesn’t really feature prominently in the story - your appearance options are more reflective of the factions and styles you’ll encounter in The Veilguard.” [source: The Discord]
body sliders + “a triangle for gradients of body types” [source]
“The team heard us loud and clear on hair styles”. Frostbite engine updates served them well. Hair moves with your body and reacts to the wind [source]
For pronouns and gender selections, everything you select is used in the game and in cutscenes [source]
They were asked about the customizability of Rook’s backstory. Rook has 6 different backgrounds that you can choose from. Each of them is tied to one of the major factions in DA:TV. “Each one sets up who Rook was before they were recruited by Varric. Well that sets out the broad events. As you go through the game, as you have conversations, either with members of your faction, other characters, you can define not just what those events were but what they meant to you. What was your motivation, what was the kind of person you are as you build up Rook. Because again, we wanna make sure that roleplaying is at the heart of this experience, and taking Rook, giving them background to ground them in the world and then letting you decide what that means, what that says about you, is also a big part of it.” “A lot of opportunities to really define who your Rook was and who they are now, so.” [source: June 14th Discord Q&A with devs]
They have taken a different approach on how we import our decisions into the game this time around. This is now fully integrated into the character creator. The devs believe that this serves a dual purpose. Corinne said that she playfully thinks of it as ‘last time on Dragon Age’, though it isn’t actually called this in the game. She noted that it has been ten years since the last Dragon Age game was released, so this aspect serves as a refresher on critical events as well as allowing us to remake those decisions that are critical to us. The system for doing this is very highly visual and uses the familiar tarot card aesthetic. “It’s a very visual and playful experience as you go through it.” It was very important to them that this system was built into the client, so that you can play this game entirely offline. No online connection is required, no linking to EA accounts is required – this was a big fan request.
Corinne added, “I don’t want to spoil anything by revealing what decisions you can import, but I will say that this [thinking about the decision import system and what decisions to include] has been a really interesting creative intersection for us, because on the one hand, this is a whole new adventure”. In this game we are in northern Thedas, in locations we have not been to before. This naturally affects “some of what will matter and what decisions they’re not using this time around, as far as decisions. But obviously there are some very, very clear connections to existing characters.” “It’s no secret that the Inquisitor is going to show up, so that’s a factor”. [source: June 14th Discord Q&A with devs]
In CC, Rook’s pronouns can be chosen. You can select both pronouns AND gender, as as Corinne noted, these are related concepts, but actually not exactly the same thing. Rook can be non-binary. The pronouns available are she/her, they/them, and he/him. [source: June 14th Discord Q&A with devs]
The Character Creator is very detailed and very deep. The team focused a lot on doing good hair and doing hair and skin tones respectfully. There is full body customization. They are going to show us a lot more on CC in the future, but at a time when they have the time and space to do so. [source: June 14th Discord Q&A with devs]
Q. How extensive are Rook’s decision trees for companions and NPCs throughout the game going to be?
A. “Huge. It’s a Dragon Age game. We wanna make sure you have choices, we wanna make sure you can choose your roleplaying but also choose outcomes of conversations, choose how events unfold. We wanna make sure that we also react to decisions you’ve made. So, for example, you may be talking to a follower who is an elf, and if you yourself are an elf, obviously you’re gonna have a different perspective on events than someone who is not an elf. Sometimes that means different conversation options. Sometimes that’s going to mean entirely deep dialogue trees. As well as based off decisions you’ve made throughout the game, so. Again, making sure that the game feels like the it’s noticing what you’re doing is a huge part of how we’ve written out the dialogue trees in this game.” [source: June 14th Discord Q&A with devs]
 “There are quite a few, easily more than we’ve done before I think, tattoos from various cultures. We’re bringing the vallaslin back of course. There are a ton of different options, especially when we’re going into all of these new regions. Each region has its own kinda visual language for that. But yeah, we are bringing the vallaslin back, and then a couple of the characters have them, but we’ve kinda customized them a little bit, they’re a bit more specific to their personality.” [source: June 14th Discord Q&A with devs]
Corinne’s favorite thing other than the companions is the CC. “That CC, the makeup options, the range of sliders… I’m a qunari fan, so even just the way you customize the horns and combine that with the really great looking hair”. [source: June 14th Discord Q&A with devs]
The Inquisitor can be customized, “include some of our new customization options”. “Yeah, they’re gonna show up and they’re gonna be your Inquisitor.” [source: June 14th Discord Q&A with devs]
We will get to see the Character Creator before launch. “They are laying out a roadmap for what we are going to show and when we are gonna talk about it. So, yes, you will see it, as we get a little bit closer to launch.” [source: June 14th Discord Q&A with devs]
In CC, the body customization can be done for humans, elves, dwarves and qunari. Qunari hair options and horn options are rad. They acknowledged that it was hard to have nice-looking hair for qunari in DA:I. [source: June 14th Discord Q&A with devs]
“Related to this, your Lineage (human/elf/dwarf/qunari) gives you a lot of really unique dialogue options, so that’s a really lovely aspect of choosing your lineage as well.” “Each lineage, depending on the lineage you choose and the background you choose, there are some specific call outs to. For example, if it’s the Mourn Watch, them being a faction from Nevarra of mages, obviously your experience as a dwarf there is going to be different than say a human or an elf, so, there are also specific callouts tailored to those combinations with again, the intention of giving each lineage their own little flavor as to how they fit into that faction as a whole.” [source: June 14th Discord Q&A with devs]
“Rook’s last name is defined based on their faction, again, we wanted to tie that into your backstory, but also, there’s a name generator that can give you a selection of first names. Obviously if you want to make your own first name, that’s definitely something we support as well.” But if you always struggle during CC and name all your characters like 'Bob’ or something, you’re gonna be okay thanks to the name generator. [source: June 14th Discord Q&A with devs]
"some of what I saw behind closed doors, as well as the way the devs spoke openly about the passion for diversity, gave me a lot of hope for this installment." [source]
"A New Peak For Progressive Character Creators. My first thought as I watched the dev take us through Dragon Age: The Veilguard's character creator at Summer Game Fest was 'okay, everyone can shut up about Cyberpunk 2077 now'." "Dragon Age, as I've written about in more depth in my full breakdown, cares. It takes elements of Cyberpunk 2077 and Saints Row, plus its own creator from 2014's Inquisition which was then best-in-show and remains a contender even today. It acknowledges the trans experience in a multitude of ways, likely owing heavily to game director Corinne Busche being a trans woman and therefore able to inject a personal perspective that most other games lack." "The dev also made a Black woman during our gameplay demo" [source]
The world reacts to Rook’s lineage and backstory. There are unique dialogues or conversation options based on backstory and lineage. [source: June 14th Discord Q&A with devs]
There are glorious, fantastic dwarf beards. "I don’t know what magic the character art team did with the beards”, but they feel/look like how beards should. [source: June 14th Discord Q&A with devs]
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kingkaizen · 2 days
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hi, I love your works <3. would you by chance be open to writing about kashimo? if so, could you possibly write a smut about overstimming him while riding him 🤗🤗 thanks in advance
∘ a/n: thank you my love <3 that means so much to me, i hope you enjoy!
∘ ft: kashimo
∘ includes: overstimulation, riding, praise
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“Fuck, please d-don’t do this to me.” Kashimo’s desperate voice broke through his lips, eyes struggling to stay on you. He felt too good, your wet cunt moving rhythmically above him. It was almost suffocating, your hungry walls squeezing him in and refusing to let him back out. You could feel his tip hitting your sweet spot over and over again, the feeling becoming addictive as you continued to show him no mercy. 
Although he may be one of the strongest, even the strongest can fall. 
Kashimo is in complete disbelief, how could he allow someone like you to get him in a position like this?! Making his guard go completely down, letting you control the pace. He already came twice at this point, with no end in sight. 
“Aww Hajime, you doing okay? You want me to stop?” Your sweet voice almost pissed him off. It felt patronizing, having the nerve to ask him if he’s okay knowing damn well what you’re doing to him. 
“I-I’m fine, woman” Kashimo scoffs, “just enjoying how well your pretty pussy takes all of me, I’m so proud of you.” His sudden praise turned you on, at least that’s what he thinks from the way you pulsed around him. He began to feel his body tingle, balls tightening up.
“Go ahead Haji’, cum for me again.” As much as he couldn’t stand being told what to do, he couldn’t help but let go. He filled you up so well, eyes rolling to the back of his head as he thrusted up into you. Kashimo felt so pathetic, he couldn't believe that he's just allowing you to tell him what to do like this. However, he couldn’t even fight it if he wanted to, the warmth of your cunt causing him to feel so overwhelmed.
“Baby,” Kashimo lets out in a shaky breath, hands on either side of your waist. “I can’t a-anymore.” 
“Yes you can, handsome.” You lower yourself onto him once again, watching him groan in overstimulation as your walls squeeze him further. “What happened to my strong man? I thought you of all people would be able to take it.”
Your words angered him, but that emotion quickly fizzled out as you continued to bounce up and down his throbbing length. The sound of skin hitting skin mixed with his previous orgasms made his head spin. You begin to feel yourself getting close too, watching Kashimo completely unravel underneath you.
“I’m gonna -fuck- gonna cum again.”Kashimo could barely get his words out, watching the strings of your arousal connect and break apart over and over again. Your orgasm hit you without warning, a squeal leaving your lips as you felt your body shake on top of his. It didn’t take long for Kashimo to follow, face scrunching up as he released once more, stuffing you full. 
You leaned over to litter his face in kisses, using this vulnerable state of his to leave as many as you could. He couldn’t help but smile, kissing you back as his hand caressed your face. Before you could react, he quickly flipped you over, sweet smile turning mischievous as he hovered above you.
“It’s my turn now, be a good girl for me would ya?”
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© kingkaizen | do not copy, steal, or duplicate!
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creaman · 2 days
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Hi there! I apologize for taking up your time, I am just so curious: When you tackle a comic, what does the process behind it look like?
Asking because I found myself scrolling through your blog once again and couldn't help but marvel at all the beautiful effects you use, at how flawlessly the structure guides the viewer's eye across each page, how the graphic weight seems to always be in just the right places…, and wonder how you learned doing this. Everything you put out looks incredibly professional and I aspire to reach your level of skill 😌❤️
Thank you Finz!! You're no bother at all, I'm an open book. This is such high praise for a guy that really doesn't have a set process, I feel like a hack. Ha. Rest assured my style is still developing. Besides the referencing of the linework and composition of official comic books, (practicing by redrawing panels for fun), explaining the process makes me feel like a serial killer but I will do my best.
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(WIP Riddler panel, scrapped Scarecrow composition)
My comics usually stem from a single panel or concept — I like to focus on/emphasise particular panels of my pages, the heavy hitters, the main piece that catches your eye. I know I'm not a profoundly technically proficient artist so I prefer visually interesting elements and formatting, i.e. drawing characters outside their frames, negative space, notation, perspectives etc.
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(Kung Fu Panda 4 sketch god I hate Kung Fu Panda 4)
I like to establish 'main focus' panels, the bits of the comic that really, well. make people want to chew on it. This is where the technical effort is concentrated, really, and the rest of the comic is generally build around these concepts.
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('Restaurant Balthazar' focus panels)
Textures and effects are done on individual panels first, then the entire page as a whole to even out the unity. Generally, blocking in shadows, hatching for visual interest + middle tones, then textures/half-tones, then highlights.
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(Script excerpt WIP)
I'm not a writer per se, but having a vague 'script' in your pages helps with pacing and direction. Comics are a versatile story-telling medium. I only really do scripts for comics longer than 2 pages. An optional but recommended strat is to send your script to a friend for a second opinion.
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(Script excerpt — 'Restaurant Balthazar', annotated by @vincepti0n I don't know why he drew a face in the middle)
With the script crudely slapped together, I rough out the thumbnails and composition with the text, prioritising coherence and clean integration of previously mentioned 'main focus' panels.
Settling on a composition sucks the hardest. Drawing is fun, thinking makes brain hurty. Variety is good! Close-ups, wide shots, visual metaphors. Every panel is its own artwork.
The text bubbles are usually added in post, yes, but I'm just one guy and I don't have a writer to call me a good boy for doing things correctly. Bite me.
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(Early 'Restaurant Balthazar' drafts)
In addition, keeping the text graphics in mind help create a sounder composition wherein even if the panels don't read cleanly left to right + top to bottom, the text can stagger and create the same reading order effect.
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Panels and concepts are constantly tweaked, and my comic process is still highly experimental. A lot of industry standard comics aren't illustrated to their full potential due to deadlines and such — I strive for visual epiphany by treating each panel as its own artwork, and every page as a a bit of a mural.
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(Old art hurts the soul)
Constantly experimenting allows you the insight of looking at your current art in comparison to your older works. In more recent works, I've been blocking in more shadows wiht lineart with thinner lines and more line weight, and learned to integrate the subject characters with less plain, abstract backgrounds.
TLDR: I have no idea
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prophecyofwinter · 2 days
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Se Riña Qilōni Iprattan Se Jēdar | IV
Aemond Targaryen x Reader
Summary | Saera Targaryen daughter of Jaehaerys I ran away from Westeros to escape her fate. 45 years later her daughter Y/N Targaryen, with invitation from King Viserys wishes to go back.
Tags | Slowburn, TargCest, Smut, Standard ASOIAF content, Aemond and Reader are First Cousins Once Removed, tags to be added
Prologue | Chapter III
Chapter IV | First Day of the Rest of your Life
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“Pull yourself together and present yourself properly. This is my mother, the Queen. Do not make anyone regret allowing you here.”
His voice shocked you, the way he gripped your arm shocked you. Nothing like the way he caressed your hand and spoke low compliments into your ear less than half an hour before. You’ve done nothing to offend him and yet he’s holding you like a parent scolding a child. Looking at his expression all you can read is a slight annoyance, otherwise it’s a look of indifference.
Allowed? You were not ‘allowed’ you were asked, if anything you allowed yourself here.
“Release me! Is this how guests are treated in Westeros?” You say through clenched teeth roughly tugging yourself out of Aemonds grasp.
If this is how it shall be, so be it.
Aemond looked shocked by your sudden aggression, a momentary slip of his mask. His jaw tightened and let out a huff like a little boy.
“I am treating you far more kindly than what others will. Heed my advice.” Aemond ends the conversation there by knocking on the carriage door with the back of his hand, not breaking eye contact.
The door opens and Aemond moves to leave first, extending his hand to help you out of the carriage.
You take his hand hesitantly, there is no other choice for the sake of appearances.
You gaze up once you are standing on solid ground and without obstruction you see the Red Keep in all its glory. The red stone and towers that blocked the sun to the point where you were surprised the town didn’t spend most of the day in darkness.
Your mother told you many stories about her nefarious ‘activities’ she got up to while living here. Of course for most of these you spent covering your ears and begging her to stop.
Aemond linked his arm with yours, leading you forward across the dirt floor of the courtyard. You stopped your gawking in favor of looking towards the Queen. You haven’t seen many people with red hair before, it must be common here. She holds herself with impeccable posture, something your mother would imitate to mock Westerosi women for their piousness.
“Welcome to King’s Landing, Y/N, I hope the journey went without trouble. I know the sea can be moody this time of year. I’m glad Aemond got you from the port in one piece.” Alicent greeted you with a soft smile. You could see her eyes glancing over your clothes. It made you feel as though you were standing in front of her naked.
“Thank you Queen Alicent, I am grateful for the invitation. The sea has treated me well, as has Prince Aemond.” You gave a curtsy to her, gripping Aemonds bicep harder. You could feel every function in your body working at full speed, embarrassing yourself is your worst fear right now.
“Thank you, my Queen.” The armored man next to Alicent spoke up. He was clearly a guard of some kind, with black hair, facial hair, and a judging expression directed at you. “You live in Westeros now, she is your Queen.”
A silence fell over after the man’s words, both Alicent and Aemond gave him a short glance of confusion while you froze up.
“Oh, I didn’t mean anything by it I swear-“ You said trying to save yourself.
“Do not worry sweet girl, Ser Criston meant nothing by it. He is just bothered that Aemond is late to his training session. Why don’t I take you while Aemond trains?” Alicent steps forward to rub your upper arm and give a slight tug to signal you to let go of Aemond.
“That would be very lovely, my Queen.” You smile and relinquish your hold on Aemond in favor of standing closer to Alicent. She begins walking expecting you to follow, and you do. While walking you glance back and notice Aemond staring back at you while walking his own way.
—————
Alicent makes small talk with you about small things like foods from Essos, what Volantis is like, how your mother is fairing and so on.
The halls of the keep are long and filled with many trinkets along the way. You gaze out the windows when you pass by, you can see a rather large forest within the walls and out another you see the ocean with a garden with gazebos and walkways. The scent of fresh flowers passes through your nose making you feel relaxed.
“Excuse me my Queen. As much as I love this tour, I am rather tired from my voyage.” You say trying not to sound rude but you were feeling really tired. Alicent so far has been kind so you thought it would be alright to request to be shown your quarters.
“Of course you are. I don’t mean to keep you for much longer, but first we must get you checked by one of the Maesters.” Alicent said while leading you down a cobblestone staircase deeper into the bowels of the keep.
You hadn’t even realized how far down you were, surely this was the last level of the keep with windows. You knew exactly what she meant. Your face started to heat up and your heart was beating fast just by the premise.
“By getting me checked, do you mean…”
“Checking to make sure you’re still intact. Unless that is an issue…?” Alicent stopped at the bottom of the steps looking at you from the side, her demeanor unchanging.
“No of course not! It just sounds… uncomfortable.” You twiddle with your hands to ease your nerves. You can’t quite think of a word to describe how having an old man look at your most intimate area makes you feel. If there is even a good word to use.
Alicent, seemingly happy with your response, begins walking deeper down the stone hall and you walk fast to catch up.
“Maesters are men of the faith, they have no care for intimacy. They have seen hundreds of women. Our current Maester helped me birth all four of my children and will help you birth yours.” The way Alicent explains it makes sense but, men without desire? Every kind of man everywhere has visited a brothel at least once, no? You shake the thought from your head for your own comfort.
She stops at a wooden door and grabs the handle but doesn’t open the door.
“If it helps I will be in the room with you.” Alicent gives you a small smile and opens the door. You follow her in, trying your best to not let your gaze wander to the floor.
“Maester Mellos. I believe I informed you some time ago I would need you to make sure Aemonds betrothed is intact.”
You saw what you had expected to see, an old man dressed in bland clothing. The shelves lined with all kinds of medical devices and other things you couldn’t even guess the purpose of.
“Ah yes, I do remember. Have no worries I have been doing this for longer than you’ve been alive. I even saw your mother for a time.” The Maester went on for a little too long. You don’t think you needed to know that last part, everyone knows how that went.
You were guided to remove your lower small clothes and lay on the table, resting your head on a pillow. Alicent assured you it would only take a moment. Still, you laid there with your hands clasped together digging your nails into your skin. You began to count the pieces of stone on the ceiling to ignore whatever was happening on the other end of the table.
“All is well on this end, perfectly intact.” The Maester stood up and declared his final result. The second the words left his mouth you instantly got off the table and moved to put yourself back together.
“Fantastic news, thank you once again Maester, that’s all. Come Y/N.” Alicent states bluntly and once again begins to move without waiting. You rushed to finish putting your small clothes back on and chased to catch up.
————-
“Your chamber is fairly close to Aemonds, there should be no trouble navigating between rooms once you are wed. Two handmaidens have been assigned to you, they will wake you in the morning and make sure you’re dressed.” Alicent stood by the door while you wandered around your chambers, checking out every square inch.
“This is more than enough! I don’t even know how to thank you for your kindness, my Queen.” You walked up to Alicent with a big smile on your face. Everything was perfect, you could almost forget the hectic day you’ve had. There was even a wide balcony that looked over the gardens.
“It is just one of the many duties of being Queen. I fear I’ve kept you far too long, get some rest. I will send for you in the morning.” Alicent said before taking her leave, leaving you alone in your chambers.
You fell back first onto your bed and let out a big huff. You pray you made the right decision, who knows when or if you’ll go back to Volantis. You can’t expect to be liked instantly, being legitimized won’t change much if you don’t make the effort. You can already tell Prince Aemond and Queen Alicent aren’t too fond of your origins. Alicent is very good at hiding it which you can at least appreciate.
But, Mental crises can wait until tomorrow, you’re too tired to tackle that beast.
Simply too tired to put on any clothes to sleep in, you strip everything you are wearing and climb into bed. Rolling around in the new found comfort of such a big bed, it even had sheer curtains that made you feel even better. Sleep takes you quick, dreams of food and wine take root in your mind.
The first day of the rest of your life has come and gone.
——————
🏷️: @toodlesxcuddles @blackgirlmagicforever @yourwonkywriter
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dixons-sunshine · 2 days
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Pull Through | Daryl Dixon x Fem!Reader
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Summary: While you were injured with no way of knowing if you'd make it or not, Daryl let the group in on his feelings. He shares some of his memories with you, as well as some of his worries.
Genre: Angst.
Era: Prison, post season three, pre season four.
Part of the Shopping Spree, Hangout Dreams AU, but can be read as a standalone. However, some call backs are made to previous parts in this.
Warnings: Mentions of injuries.
Word count: 1.2k.
A/n: I've had this idea in my mind for another part to the Shopping Spree, Hangout Dreams AU for a while now, but I just don't know how to put it into a proper fic. This is more of a filler than an actual fic, but anyways. Hope you like this!
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“Ya know, Shane wasn't the first person to tell me tha' I dun' deserve her.”
Rick looked up from his daughter to look at the archer, Daryl holding his own five month old baby girl in his arms. Rick's heart broke at the sight of his found brother's clear distress evident on his face. He was staring off at nothing in particular, thankfully lucid enough to keep Hazel in place on his lap. It was clear that your recent injury had taken its toll on Daryl, and Rick knew that if you didn't wake up from your little coma, Daryl would be a mess; he would be a bigger mess than Rick was when he lost Lori.
“My whole life, even 'fore I grew the balls to confess to her, people were tellin' me tha' I dun' deserve her, tha' I ain't good 'nough fer her, tha' she'll see it herself and leave me.” Daryl stopped for a moment, his attention temporarily being diverted to his daughter who was starting to fuss a little. He whispered sweet nothings to her in the hopes of calming her down, slightly bouncing his leg and successfully coaxing a giggle from her. “But she never left. Even when things weren't all sunshines and rainbows, she stayed. She loved me regardless of all of my flaws, and god knows I have a shit ton of 'em. She ain't ever even thought 'bout walkin' outta the door, even when she could'a, and I wouldn't have blamed her.”
By now, a few people in the group has stopped to listen to the usually quiet archer. Beth, Maggie, Glenn, Sasha, Tyreese, Hershel, Michonne, Carl and Carol stopped to listen to him. It was extremely rare to hear Daryl talk about anything outside of the usual “formal” work talk—who would go on runs, who'd work on the fence, etc.—so everyone was intrigued to hear the brooding huntsman speak his mind.
“She deserved so much better than me, and I know tha', but she didn't think so. She stuck with me through everythin'. Through most'a my childhood, through highschool, through Merle and his bullshit, everythin'.” Daryl inhaled sharply and let out a shaky exhale, trying to keep his emotions under control. “She always managed to make the most outta everythin'. When I saw a glass tha' was half empty, she saw a glass tha' was half full. Ya know, our first apartment we lived in after movin' outta her mom's trailer was so shitty.”
“Yeah?” Rick replied, just letting Daryl know that he was listening.
“Yeah,” Daryl confirmed with a broken chuckle, nodding his head and allowing Hazel to play with his fingers. “Hot water didn't work most'a the time, the oven only worked when it wanted to, the pipes made this weird screeching sound whenever it was cold, and the window to our bedroom was jammed shut. It never opened, so it was hella hot in the summer.” He sighed again and shook his head. “We lived in tha' crappy place fer years 'fore either of us had 'nough money to move into a better place. But she never complained, never threatened to leave me if I didn't find a better apartment, never once blamed me when she had to take a cold shower in the winter. Hell, she even planned on proposin' to me 'cause I was takin' too long.” For added emphasis, he lifted his left hand to show off the silver band he proudly wore every day of his life since that day in your apartment. “I beat her to it, though. She's jus' so amazin'. I love her. I can't lose her. I'll die without her.” And with that last sentence, a sob finally broke out of the archer's chest.
Within seconds, Rick had gently grabbed Hazel from Daryl's arms and passed her over to Carol—who had been on her way to offer her own support to the huntsman—before wrapping his arms around his unofficial brother. Judith had been passed over to Beth during Daryl's speech to be put down for the night, so it made it easier for the former sheriff to jump up and hug Daryl. The archer never once displayed any forms of sadness in front of the group that had to do with crying. His sadness was usually handled through anger, but this wasn't a usual situation. You—the love of his life and the mother of his baby girl—were clinging on for dear life in your weakened state. The attackers that ambushed the group of people who went on the run the previous day made you suffer the worst of the attack. Hershel did his best with the supplies he had, but there was no telling if you'd recover until you woke up, if you ever woke up. And that scared Daryl beyond belief.
Rick didn't hold Daryl long, maybe two minutes at most, until he pulled away. Daryl furiously wiped at the tears in his eyes, mad at himself for displaying such weakness in front of everybody. However, nobody made any sort of comment towards him, their own understanding and worry towards you preventing them from doing so.
“If there's one thing I know,” Rick began, standing up and allowing Daryl to have some space. “It's that you Dixons are fucking stubborn. She'll pull through, I know it.”
Daryl sniffed and nodded, wiping his eyes one more time before getting up and gently taking his daughter from Carol. “She needs to be put to bed soon. She, uh, needs to see her mama 'fore it, though, jus' in case...”
Just in case you didn't make it.
Rick nodded sympathetically, and with that, Daryl walked away from everyone's empathetic gazes. He walked up the stairs and made his way to the makeshift medical cell, expecting to see you asleep, like you had been for over twenty-four hours at that point. However, he was instead met with the sight of you sat up and crouched over to the side, heaving and clutching at your chest, awake and alert, and he didn't hesitate to call for help.
“Hershel!”
Within seconds, the old man had hobbled himself over to the cell and was by your side in an instant. He was helping you put an oxygen mask over your mouth to help you breath, and once you weren't struggling to breathe anymore, he sent a frightened looking Daryl a reassuring smile. He beckoned him closer, and with Hazel still in his arms, he walked over to you and sat down on the bed, hugging you gently and quickly before pulling back—there would be time to crush you to him and never let you go when you weren't sat with a recently shot stomach and a few broken ribs. Hershel patted his back reassuringly, and he sent a very awake, lucid you a warm smile.
“Welcome back.” He turned to Daryl and nodded. “She pulled through.”
“S'a good sign, righ'?”
For the first time in twenty four hours, Hershel gave the archer good news. “It's a damn good sign.”
You were grunting and reaching out to Daryl, and your husband instantly knew what you were requesting. With a nod from Hershel, Daryl slowly transfered Hazel into your arms, and your little one instantly recognized her mama's touch. Her mood instantly brightened, right alongside her father's.
You were okay. However, the same definitely wouldn't be said for the son of a bitch held prisoner as soon as Daryl was done with him later—he was going to pay for hurting you, and Daryl wasn't going to go easy on him, either.
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oliversrarebooks · 1 day
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The Rare Bookseller Part 56: Jessica's Soiree
Previous > Masterlist
September 1905
tw: mind control, dehumanization, slavery, blood drinking, assault
Fitz couldn't stop fidgeting with his mask. He'd adorned both his and Lex's masks with as many sequins and feathers as he could fit, procured under protest by Lex, who insisted that neither of them should stand out.
Ever since he'd given in to his desire for Lex, life had become far more interesting and rewarding. As soon as they had realized there was no need to pretend to be aloof, they spent the night entangled in each other more often than not, an arrangement that suited Fitz just fine. Fitz draped himself across Lex's lap while reading, allowed himself to be held close to the vampire's chest while sleeping, distracted Lex with his hands while he played the piano, accepted blissful shoulder rubs accompanied by cold lips trailing down his neck.
Fitz felt more comfortable with himself than he had in a long time. Lex seemed greatly cheered by it, as well, despite his dangerous ongoing quest to enthrall hunters weighing on his mind. He smiled more, spent more time with his music. He never seemed to miss an opportunity to run his fingers through Fitz's hair or nuzzle into the nape of his neck, looking at Fitz as if he was the eighth wonder of the world, a sight Fitz never tired of.
Tonight, though, Lex was more nervous than he'd been in some time. "You really don't have to accompany me to this, Fitz," he said. "It's going to be unpleasant, and you may see things you'd consider distasteful."
"How many people ever get the chance to attend a vampire's ball -- well, and still be in their right minds? I couldn't possibly miss it. Besides, don't you want to show me off in front of everyone?"
"No," said Lex firmly. "As much as I'd love to display you to the world, vampires' envy is a dangerous thing. If any vampire there dare lay hands on you -- well. Try to be careful, for both of our sakes, will you?"
Fitz grinned. "You know me. I'm always careful."
They arrived at the ballroom a little past nine. The masquerade ball was an annual affair run by several old and fashionable vampires of the city. According to Lex, anyone who was anyone in vampire society was expected to be there, and bring their high-class thralls with them as though they were prized pets at a dog show. Fitz was eager to see what the upper crust of vampire society was like, and untroubled by Lex's warnings. He knew how to conduct himself at a ball, and had an unusual appetite for the distasteful. Lex seemed like a sensitive soul for a vampire, so to speak, so Fitz found it hard to take his warnings completely seriously.
Lex only hesitated slightly before pushing the door open. The ballroom was full of mingling vampires dressed in expensive, dazzling costumes, a sea of rainbow colors and intricate lace and ornate embroidery and glittering gemstones.
It didn't take long for Fitz to see the distasteful sights Lex had warned him about. Scanning the room, he saw that while some thralls were walking beside their masters freely, like he was, many more were entrapped in some obvious way. They were dressed in costumes as elaborate as their masters', with bindings made of silk ribbon and golden handcuffs encrusted in jewels. All of the thralls' costumes revealed their necks, and most revealed much more. Most were kneeling beside their vampire masters, looking demurely at the ground or staring blankly into space as the vampires laughed and talked. There were a few humans chained to the wall, with dazed expressions and fresh wounds on their necks. Fitz watched as a vampire approached one and sunk her fangs in, realizing that these humans were the refreshments.
The sight of the enthralled humans should have repulsed him, but he couldn't fight the confusing swirl of feelings in his heart as he watched a handsome young man, wearing only shorts and and a jeweled leash, gazing up at his master with entranced adoration. The thought of serving Lex so completely was terrifying and enticing in turn, and Fitz had to look away.
"Welcome, esteemed sir." A hypnotized human approached Lex as he stepped into the room, her vacant, lidded eyes barely able to focus as she curtsied low. "May I please interest you in an hors d'oeuvre?"
Lex glanced at Fitz. "It's… polite to partake, when offered," he said apologetically. He took the thrall's chin in his hand, looked her in the eye, and hummed a simple tune of obedience and pleasure. The thrall's eyes dulled further, accompanied by a dazed smile, and she let out a soft sound of pleasure as Lex sipped from the wound on his neck.
As Fitz's conflicting thoughts intensified, he doubted for the first time his decision to accompany Lex here.
"Oh my! Is that Mr. Alexander I see?" called a woman's voice. As Lex let the hors d'oeuvre thrall go on his way, they were approached by a woman in an elaborate dress of fine pink silk, decorated with silk flowers and rhinestones. Everything from her hair to her mask to her shoes seemed carefully considered and smacked of money and taste. A delicate golden leash allowed her to pull along a stupefied-looking young man with exceptionally handsome features and an equally gaudy gown. "I feel like I haven't seen you in ages!"
"Good evening, Lady Jessica," said Lex politely. "I appreciate your invitation. It seems you've outdone yourself this time. The ballroom is impeccable."
"Oh, I have. Wait until you hear the music I've hired -- it's enough to please even the most particular of music lovers, I should hope." She turned to Fitz with an eager gleam in her eye. "And what is this pretty little thing?"
"My name is Fitz, sir," he interjected just as Lex went to speak for him.
"Oh, my. So adorable and so bold! Mr. Alexander, I'd heard you had acquired quite the thrall for yourself, but if I had realized he was this irresistible, I would have surely stopped by your manor. I can't believe you were keeping something this delightful all cooped up in your dusty old library."
"Yes, I purchased him at the last major auction," said Lex stiffly.
Before Fitz could protest being treated like a show pony, Lady Jessica stepped closer to him and all of his protests… and thoughts… slowed… down.
"Aren't you just the sweetest thing?" said Lady Jessica, ruffling his hair and kissing his forehead.
"Sweet…" Fitz murmured in a daze, swaying gently as Lady Jessica pawed at him. His own thoughts felt like soap bubbles, empty and popping as soon as he tried to grasp at them, replaced with simpler, honeyed images of subservience.
"You'd look so darling if only I could dress you. I can think of at least half a dozen outfits in my thralls' wardrobe that would look just perfect on you," she cooed. "Perhaps your master would arrange a trade for my thrall? Just for a weekend, perhaps?"
A sense of alarm tried to penetrate the cotton candy that clouded Fitz's mind. "No, I…" he said, trying to explain, his tongue feeling thick in his mouth. "…I want Master. I want to serve my Master."
"Aww! How absolutely precious!"
Lex stepped between Fitz and Lady Jessica, and Fitz mercifully felt his head start to clear. "I'm afraid that Fitz is not for sale or trade, for any price or any length of time."
"You're no fun," said Lady Jessica with a mock pout. "It's hardly fair of you to keep this thrall to yourself. But I understand. If he were mine, I wouldn't let a single soul touch him either."
"I'm glad we understand each other," said Lex. "If you'll excuse me, I see an old dear friend that I'd like to say hello to."
Fitz shook his head, coming back to his senses. "What the hell was that? What did she do to me?"
"Oh, that was Lady Jessica. Her aura basically removes human intelligence. Sorry you got caught in that -- she's the hostess of this party so I had to be polite and make small talk, you know."
"There sure is a lot of required decorum for this vampire soiree," grumbled Fitz, still smarting from embarrassment. "I confess I expected vampires to be a bit more… freewheeling. Hedonistic."
"This is a gathering of powerful and rich vampires, and you don't become a powerful and rich vampire overnight. All of the vampires here have lived many decades, if not a century or more, and are very stuck in their ways. Even the hedonism has a dozen layers of social rules underpinning it."
Lex was approaching a vampire who was very practically attired compared to everyone else, with a plain blue afternoon dress and a simple black domino mask with a single feather. She was accompanied by a similarly dressed woman in her thirties or so. "Good evening, Edith. Good evening, Katherine. I'd like to introduce you to my… companion, Fitz." He turned to Fitz. "Dr. Edith is an old friend of mine. Her thrall, Katherine, has been with her for… what is it now?"
"About ten years," said Katherine. Fitz was relieved to see that Katherine wasn't visibly restrained or dazed in any way, simply standing next to her master and observing the crowd.
"Charmed to meet you," said Fitz. "Ten years is quite a long time to serve a vampire."
"With any luck, it'll be ten years more," she replied.
"Alexander, I'm so glad you have a thrall again after what happened to poor Edmund. I only wish I could have done more for him," said Edith.
"It wasn't your fault. You did what you could," said Alexander. "Say, I wanted to ask you how Evelyn's oldest is holding up, after her bout with the flu…"
The two vampires began chatting about names that Fitz had never heard, Katherine chiming in at points. Ordinarily, Fitz would try to involve himself in the conversation, ingratiating himself to anyone new he meets, but he found himself constantly distracted from the dull chit-chat by the uneasy but alluring soiree. Here were a couple of vampires laughing and talking while sipping from bloodied thralls. Here was a woman wearing little more than a collar and mask, kneeling on the floor and doing tricks for for her master. Here was an eerie pair of identical twins with identical blank expressions, chained together with intricate bonds.
His attention was drawn by a nearby group loosely surrounding a vampire in a very old-fashioned suit, at least a century out of date. The vampire was slowly swinging an ornate pocket watch in front of a young man's face, like a mesmerist from a vaudeville show. The unfortunate young man was swaying along with the watch, eyelids heavy and drooping, his jaw slack as a bit of drool dripped from his mouth and onto the floor.
He couldn't take his eyes off the man.
No, he couldn't take his eyes off the watch.
The way it flashed… its weight… its rhythm… he just needed to watch it… watch it swing… watch it sway… back and forth…
He needed to get closer…
He needed to watch… needed to sleep… needed to obey…
"Hey, watch where you're going, human!"
Fitz was shaken from his unexpected trance state when he accidentally collided with a large and angry-looking vampire in a poorly tailored suit. He looked around and realized that he couldn't see Lex -- he'd wandered off and been separated from his port in the storm.
"You're not with anyone," said the vampire. "Are you a refreshment boy? Finally, some decent blood."
The vampire leaned in with intent to feed, and Fitz found himself filled with an invasive and uncomfortable aura, rooting him to the spot and dazing his mind even as it felt like bugs crawling beneath his skin. Even as he screamed at himself to flee, his conditioning looped its invisible chains around him, keeping him frozen and silent. He existed to serve vampires, to be obedient to their wills. The desire to submit began to drag his consciousness under, as he slowly tilted his neck…
You're mine, he heard Lex sing in his mind, as he had on so many nights. Mine and no one else's.
"No!" he said, snapping himself out of it and pushing the unwanted vampire away. "I'm not a buffet item for your enjoyment, sir. And if you'll excuse me, I'm heading back to find my master."
Before Fitz could turn away, the front of his dress was pulled into an iron grip, enough that he was almost lifted off the ground. "How dare a mere thrall takes that tone with me. Your master must be a half-wit or a weakling, because they neglected to teach you how to behave around your superiors."
As usual, Fitz's mouth opened before he could stop himself. "And someone neglected to teach you how to wear clothes and comb your hair, sir. How does it feel to be dressed worse than your so-called inferior?"
He knew it was a mistake even as the words left his mouth. The furious vampire let go of his dress only to grab his wrist, twisting it and forcing Fitz onto his knees. "Know your place, filthy cattle."
Unable to escape, Fitz spit at him, right in his eye.
His all too brief life flashed before his eyes as the vampire pulled back his fist with murderous rage in his eyes. He was going to die here. His head was about to be mashed into paste by a stupid, clumsy vampire. His master was going to be so disappointed things turned out this way, but probably not particularly surprised.
"Excuse me, Jameson." Lex materialized from the crowd, grabbing onto the vampire's fist. "You need to take your hands off of my thrall. Now."
"This worthless piece of garbage spit in my face!"
"And you're manhandling my thrall," Lex practically growled in a tone Fitz had never before heard. "Let him go and leave him alone, and we'll call it even."
Jameson scoffed, but released Fitz's wrist, letting him collapse to the floor. "I was doing you a favor, Alexander," he said, towering at least a foot over Lex with a sneer on his face. "Your precious little thrall was deep in trance and heading straight towards Lord Edgar. It's obvious it's neglected and longing for a taste of actual power to put it where it belongs."
Lex glanced over at Fitz, who was smarting both from the pain in his wrist and the sheer humiliation of being caught out by hypnosis that wasn't even directed at him. "I would tell you not to speak of things you don't understand, Lord Jameson, but I suppose then you'd have very little to talk about."
The rage previously directed at Fitz was simmering in Lex's direction, now. "Insult me all you want. I still know you're full of it," he said. "They say you're one of the most powerful vampires in the city, but you can't even stop an empty-headed thrall like that from doing as it pleases. It's your sire who has all the real power. You must be such a disappointment."
"You think I'm unable to control a thrall?"
"I don't think it, I know it."
Cold determination set into Lex's face, and he began to sing, loud and clear and beautiful and captivating. The vampire ball faded and warped around Fitz as that voice filled his mind. Lex sang of control, of obedience, of bliss, of sleep. Deep, deep sleep. A sleep where the only thing that mattered was listening, a sleep where he could obey so easily even with his mind locked in slumber.
Fitz's curiosity about what Lex was doing was the only thing that allowed him to keep his drowsy eyes open. As he swayed in the grip of his master's irresistible song, he heard a yawn behind him, then a thump, and then a larger commotion. Even through his rapidly blurring vision, Fitz could see thralls falling to the song all around him, slipping to the floor as sleep overtook them.
And then, Fitz's desire to stay awake and see what would happen was consumed by the much deeper desire to obey the song, to shut his eyes, to let himself fall under the spell. He felt a drowsy smile spread across his face as he sank completely to the floor, feeling as if he could listen to the song and dream forever.
Previous > Masterlist
I'm sure that won't come back to bite Fitz.
@d-cs @latenightcupsofcoffee @thecyrulik @dismemberment-on-a-tuesday-night @wanderinggoblin
@whumpyourdamnpears @only-shadows-dwell-where-we-are @pressedpenn @pigeonwhumps @amusedmuralist
@xx-adam-xx @vampiresprite @irregular-book @whumpsoda @mj-or-say10 @pokemaniacgemini
@sowhumpshaped @whumpsday @morning-star-whump @silly-scroimblo-skrunkl
@steh-lar-uh-nuhs @pirefyrelight @theauthorintraining @whump-me-all-night-long @anonfromcanada
@typewrittenfangs @tessellated-sunl1ght @cleverinsidejoke @abirbable @ichorousambrosia
@a-formless-entity @gobbo-king @writinggremlin @the-agency-archives @just-a-whumping-racoon-with-wifi
@enigmawriteswhump @foresttheblep @bottlecapreader @whump-on-a-string @whumpinthepot
@cinnamoncandycanes @avvail-whumps @tauntedoctopuses @secret-vampkissers-soiree @whatamidoingherehelpme
@strawbearydreams @ghost-whump @tippytappytyping @natthebatt @fire-bugg14
@fuckcapitalismasshole @slightlydisturbedbeans @paperprinxe
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k1ngl30n · 3 hours
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Everyone's getting mad over the 'he's still trying to come to terms with himself' and 'seven seasons?' lines, but... I agree?
Hannibal, as a show, was never meant to be cancelled so early. Bryan had plans for the fifth, sixth, ninth season before season one had even began production. Will's character arc was meant to be more embellished; his embrace of Hannibal was more a halfway point than his full Becoming. He fell into the ocean, accepting Hannibal's influence, but that doesn't mean that he accepts his love for Hannibal yet (I don't actually believe they fell but that's for a whole other post) or that he would kill willingly, and not because he's trying to protect someone (all throughout the show, he's only ever killed for protection. He's still canonically a guard dog, and not the wild wolf Hannibal desperately wants him to become)
Will WAS still trying to come to terms with himself -- but he was ALSO in love with Hannibal. He just didn't know he was, and that, I think, is the entire point of Bedelia's confirmation; he had a suspicion on what that feeling was, and he needs to come to terms with how the only time he has felt this powerful, all-consuming love was when *Hannibal* was around, and how more of his 'normal' life was a lie than he thought. He needs seven seasons (although that number was actually a joke -- come on, guys) to become the happy, domestic, problem-free murder husband that fandom wants him to become because of this. He is a complex character with an exceptionally long list of internal conflicts, and Bryan undoubtedly had many, many obstacles to throw in his way before he was allowed to settle down with Hannibal.
In short, just because fandom wants it to happen, doesn't mean that it should.
I can guarantee that majority of people could have heard 'murder husbands real?????' in S1 and wanted to skip S2, S3, and however many more seasons until they could watch just the on-the-run fantasy of Hannigram. But, factually, this isn't a payoff until you overcome the challenges -- there is no sassy S2 Will without the imprisonment, there is no manipulative Will without the encephalitis, there is no relationship without Mizumono making them realise that they had one to begin with. There is none of their love until you go through the hardship they went through to earn it.
There is no powerful, consuming Murder Husbands love until they jump over the hurdles to get to it. Would you rather they settle now, or they reach whatever final stage they were meant to get to in order to become well and truly conjoined?
Thank you for coming to my TED talk; please ask me about the retconning of autistic Will Graham
(p.s. PLEASE let me know if I missed something else that he said that everybody should ideally 100% disagree with. I haven't watched any of the panels yet, just reading the complaints people have about those two lines in particular)
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greentrickster · 1 day
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For the Great God Airplane AU, this time I've been thinking a bit more about Airplane and Shen Jiu having another, proper meeting after Shang Qinghua's regained his divine memories. Because, while it was... nice to hear that open acceptance, that Shangdi was glad that Shen Jiu managed to become Ninth Road, that even his creator thought the fate he'd written for Shen Jiu was too harsh... the fact remains that he still wrote it. Still allowed it to happen.
(He came down from Heaven and incarnated to witness these long-destined events, and to save the world... but not early enough to save Shen Jiu.)
And that sort of thing leaves questions, especially after having had a bit over ten years to think on it (to stew on it (for, for all that they love him, his heavenly siblings openly love Airplane Shangdi best of all things, so he's never even considered speaking to them on this subject))). And the most important question is simply...
Why?
Why allow this to happen?
If you love this world and its people so much, if you wanted to save them from destruction, why let the events leading to it play out in such a way? Why try and change it as a man instead of an all-powerful god?
Why?
They're sitting in one of An Ding's gardens, near enough Shang Qinghua's leisure house to ensure privacy, but nowhere they ever encountered each other in Ninth Road's first life. Shang Qinghua had been getting a breath of fresh air before his newest Official chose this moment to pop up next to him again, as refined and skittish as a street cat still learning how to trust. And, as the one who created him, Qinghua knows exactly how close to truth that comparison is, and mentally rearranges his schedule to prioritize this discussion before doing his best to answer in a way someone who hasn't been there from the beginning will properly understand. In the end he pulls a book out of his sleeve, holding it in his hands.
"Okay, so, books have a lot of words in them, right? And when you're first writing the book, it's fairly easy to go back and check over what you've written, make changes, correct mistakes. But once- once it's published? And there are people out there reading it, buying their own copies? After that it's- I can edit my own copy as much as I want, and it'll be the most accurate version, because I'm the author, but I can't go and just... edit everyone else's copy as well, you know? Maybe if it was just one or two copies that I gave to friends, but not-not everyone's.
"And this- my story. About you and Luo Binge. 'The Grand Fate of the World,' if you want to use your heavenly siblings' term for it... Imagine that as a book. Not just one book, a whole series of books, a series that's millions of words long, and everything in this world has its own set of them. Like, look," he bends down and scoops up a handful of dust, letting it sift between his fingers to blow away in the breeze once he's upright again. "Every single particle of dust I just picked up? Had the equivalent of its own copy of that story inside it. And it's the same for every speck of dust, every drop of liquid, every sliver of bone, every breath of air, every tiny piece of anything that makes this world. And- and I couldn't go through and edit every single copy of those stories, not even as Shangdi, not without- ...not without taking the world apart into nothing again and completely remaking it.
"And by the time it all started to feel really real to me, more than just a chance to tell a story I'd wanted to write more than anything in my last life, but tell it right this time.... by the time I reached that point, it was- hundreds of years had passed, and- and the world was full of people, real, living people, and I had my Officials, and they were part of this world too, and- and they were all real and I couldn't just... erase them like they were words on a page, you're all full of stories, but you're not just words on a page, you're real people."
He says it with such quiet intensity that it's startling. Ninth Road is so used to seeing Shang Qinghua as slippery, untrustworthy, nervous, perhaps overworked, he's never seen him talk about something he's truly passionate about.
About something he truly cares about.
And it is obvious, in this instant, that Shang Qinghua, that Airplane Shangdi, truly cares about this world and its people. Cares about them more than he has words to properly express, even as a god or a writer.
"And I couldn't fix it as Shangdi," Shang Qinghua continues, oblivious to Ninth Road's musings, "I couldn't- I'm really powerful like that, but for something so big and delicate, it's either scrap the whole project and start over or get right down deep inside and try to fix things from there. And I just- what would be the point of making it all again, if I did just start over? It wouldn't be the same, and this world's kinda a hot mess in a lot of ways, but... that's part of why I like it so much! But I broke it, or set it up to get broken, so... I had to come down and fix it. But then I couldn't do it on my own, so... so I asked for help. And you answered. And Cucumber-bro answered. And... now we're here, and- and I'm sorry. I'm sorry, I didn't- I should have done it better right from the beginning, I should have- fuck, thank-you. You saved my world. You saved everyone. You saved me. I'm so glad you're the one who answered when I asked, thank-you."
It's... sincere. Too sincere for one with a face as thin as Ninth Road's, and praise too high for the part he played. "It was Shen Qingqiu who did as you say, not this Official."
Shangdi fucking scoffs at this. "Cucumber-bro may have done the legwork, but he wouldn't have been able to do a damn thing if you hadn't answered my call. And I know you, Ninth Road, I know you didn't actually believe you'd actually get anything for doing what you got asked! Nothing can get done if there's no room to do anything, and you gave it all up to make room. And I'm god and I'm right, so just- just be polite and say 'you're welcome' for once, because I'm an obnoxious little shit and I won't stop thanking until you get that you genuinely did something worth being thanked for! So there!"
...
...there's not a lot you can really say to a rebuttal like that, other than the world's stiffest, most awkward, "You're welcome," to which he gets a big smile, another equally big "Thank-you!", and some free gossip on what stupid things Shang Qinghua's martial siblings have done recently.
It's... kind of nice.
Not nice enough for Ninth Road to feel inclined to inform Airplane that there are technically two Luo Binghes running around in this world now, but still... nice.
(And it's not like he needs to tell him, he'll figure it out for himself.)
(Eventually.)
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safetycar-restart · 2 days
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imagine prince logan and you’re his caretaker. you take care of him on a regular basis, wash him, make sure he eats, clothe him. he relies on you and you take care of him the best you can. you’re good at your job when logan is the second son and not an heir. he is there to sit there and look pretty. maybe you dom him to get him out of his head
Okay how... how have we never had a prince!au. How has this never happened. This is an absolute crime. We are immediately starting a prince!au!! I think we can say prince!au for discussions like this where the drivers/riders are princes and then maybe we could even do a royal!au where the drivers/riders are servants or knights? Anyway, prince Logan!
I absolutely adore the idea that logan is the second son and his only job is just to look pretty. Whenever the citizens of the kingdom are unhappy about something, the king and queen will always send logan because Logan is just the most loved out of the entire family. He smiles and instantly everyone will do whatever he wants.
And I think that because of how pretty and loved Logan is, plenty of people have tried to take advantage of him? Rich people who want to arrange a marriage, young girls who want a night with him, other kingdoms who want an alliance or an endorsement. Logan has gotten his heart broken multiple times.
When you start out, Logan has a full team. You're supposed to be one of his servants, but Logan just feels so safe with you and pretty soon he has gotten rid of everyone else and you become his one and only aid. You're the only one he truly trusts, the only one he tells everything to and he gets very upset and unsettled when you aren't with him.
Sometimes Logan feels like his little mind just turns off when it's just the two of you? When he's in the public eye, he knows his role. He knows he has to be pretty and entertaining and make everyone he speaks to feel special. He's well aware that his looks and personality have become a bargaining chip for the kingdom.
But it's just... it's so tiring.
So the moment the door closes and it's just the two of you, Logan just allows himself to relax and not think about anything whatsoever and trust you to look after him. He'll follow you wherever you take him, let you undress him, bathe him, clothe him, handfeed him, whatever you want and he adores it. He has a small smile on his face the whole time, utterly content.
It takes a while for things to turn sexual, but before they do, there's a good few months of Logan being painfully hard and trying to hide it from you while you were taking care of him.
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Shout-out to everyone who survived a "fun" easter with the family
#fucking hell#it started with finding out my dad smoked in my car when I picked up my sister#who was equally dreading the day#my mum turns into the world's tensest and judgemental presence. worsened by my aunt#then hell for autistic people (of which there are multiple present)#multiple deaf people means one uninspired conversation that isn't interesting in any way.#combinations of passive aggressiveness and people not saying a thing because they can't participate. voice volumes too damn high#weirdass food situations. Very full table. so many smells.#this goes on for over an hour. wishing for literally anything but being there. soul crushing.#then you still have to sit in that room for 2.5 hours. it just goes on and on.#my autistic deaf dad physically looks like how I feel. my mum and aunt keep piling on top of him to demand his mental presence#i leave the room once (to get my phone to show pictures to my uncle) and am immediately followed upstairs by my mum#who demands I don't leave the room (What's next. following me when I need the toilet?)#me and my sister are so bored we start throwing paper planes and fake fighting.#Which amuses the bored and the deaf#but of course my mum and aunt have opinions and this is not allowed. only soul crushing boredom allowed#they complain to each other over it while aggressively doing dishes#finally it ends because my mum and aunt start insisting my dad should go to bed if he's 'that tired'. *sprinkle on some additional ableism*#still sitting through a conversation about allergies one of my sister's friends has. my mum preaching that people should take that seriously#(meanwhile i had to cook for myself for 9 years because when my allergies were really bad no one bothered to check if i could eat something)#me and my sister go sit upstairs to discover our mum has made things we care about vanish in her room#and made things appear that should not be there#I've washed the interior of my car and hope the smell will go#you think it's over after that. but woke up with the realisation that even more things have disappeared from my sister's room.#i can't remember a time when things left outside of my room didn't disappear#I don't know why we do these family gatherings at all. no one has fun on days like that.#the housing crisis isn't making these things easy. my sister is losing her place to live again as well#she'll go hiking for a month and then work on a campsite over the summer#maybe I'll go house sitting again. idk.#can't make commitments a few months in advance like that because I'll cancel everything the second Sparks announces anything important
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crystalis · 1 year
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im sorry for being annoying about pokemon larely
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dxsertrot · 3 months
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Actually everything has been too complicated and now that the sun is out I've decided that everything is actually easier than I thought and nothing has to hurt me unless I let it
#drinking coffee and smoking in the sun after a decent day of work#i got to work ot this weekend and do a tough job and the day after i hiked w my mom and ran along the beach w the dog#the longer i keep myself away from the narrative the more further removed and at peace i feel#although sometimes its somewhat distrupted when i see them but i reel it back in real quick#it just feels good to know that i dont have to let anyone in and that i have my people and thats all i need#im goung to carry myself the rest of the way through like i always have#and i dont need anyone elses validation#things will come to me when im ready and its right#if i dont want someone to hurt me then i simply dont have to allow them to hurt me#and if i hurt them then oh well. i need to protect my peace and my self esteem#i have things that i would like to work out but i need to accept that everything i want to have happen i cant make happen#ive been through too much and worked too hard and loved too hard and learned too much to let things like this touch me anymore#my self perception cannot hinge on anyone anymore because only i know what ive done and seen and felt and thought in every momemt of my lif#and how i look is not a solid descripter of all the aspects of me#it is not the bulk of my humanity it is hardly a grain of sand#im not angry or sad im just indifferent and ready for something better and healthier and more secure#and the things and people that i can have by relying on my looks do not hold much value anyways#besides. i am pretty. and im healthy and im good w my money and i laugh w my belly and i know a fuck of a lot more than i ever thought#and ive done more than i ever anticipated#i have a lot of things to be so okay with that i shouldnt even have to think about it#and the fact that i ever do is a luxary not given to the bulk of humanity#ive had the privledge to love many times and learn the lessons that accompany losing#and the privilege to make my own decisions and have my own priorities#i have the time and money to worry about frivolous things just like ive had the same to experience some really cool things#i am full of energy and opportunity and love and i get to decide when and where i want to direct that#if i direct it in a place that leave me feeling sad and empty and confused i can put my focus elsewhere unless i deem it worthy enough to#work at#and when ive poured too much in and got too little back ill know to reframe things#its not that complicated and its not that messy#it just is whatever i make it out to be and im tired of making everything out to be more and allow it to define me
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hopelesscatdad · 5 months
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Personally, for me. Sorry if you don't want this kind of anon but I felt like saying something. I get told I'm pretty a lot but I don't feel pretty. I think I don't deserve to hear those words or that I'm too weird or disgusting or maybe they're saying it out of pity because I find them prettier. Anyone can have insecurities, no matter what they look like, I suppose. I think my eyes are too big and my facial features don't match each other. While I may see it, others don't. I could be wrong but I really think that's it. They aren't doing it to fish compliments or fit in with the "ugly." For me these issues started because of what my dad would say to me, I'm older now and I KNOW better but I still feel that way or like I could be better. And I see people I believe are better than me and it's like *wow I could never be that*
I didn't wanna use anyone else as an example so I used myself. Apologies if that's not ok or this seems like a vent (I'd like to think it's not but more of an explanation) but yeah.
-_‐ the suspicion is high with this one. Jghgjgjb.
Look I don't think it's fishing for compliments. I've never heard of doing it to fit in with the ugly, so i genuinely don't know what that's about. And I never said people aren't allowed to be insecure.
Like. Where did I say that? I was joking that it's a cruel coincidence considering I rarely find people attractive in *any* physical way. And people *dont* come to me about their looks, often cuz I'm so confident about mine. And yet despite those two facts, the *few* people over the years I truly believe are beautiful are also the *few* that come to me about the matter.
If you want anything deeper than that, then here. Hearing them talk like that about themselves break my heart. Especially because they're often people I'm very close to and love and care about, for some even ones I want to always be near. I don't fervently try to point out their beauty to them, or compliment them, or say they're wonderful to me, out of a petty attempt to prove they're wrong, but because it genuinely saddens me that they can't see it for themselves, and if they can't see it on their own, hopefully at least knowing not everyone thinks the same negative way about them will help some, or help pull them out of that evenings spiral.
Again, I'm highly suspicious. You could be a couple people I know, so I probably shouldn't say this. But I'm sorry you feel that way about yourself. People are allowed to be insecure, yes, but I still think it's important to try and improve on it. Maybe a compliment/positive comparison is the last thing you want right now, seeing as it is sorta being taken negatively, but I'm gonna say it anyways. I hope you learn to love your facial features, and especially your eyes, especially because I know a girl right now. And admittedly the first thing I noticed was her large eyes, but it's because they were beautiful to me. They seemed to hold so much life, even if a little anxiously, and I was almost envious even. Even if people aren't as positive, I assure you it will never be as negative a thing as you think either.
Anyways read the tags too cuz I accidentally went off there too lol.
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keets-writing-corner · 5 months
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Thinking a LOT about Lucifer in the latest Hazbin episode. Idk what I was expecting but not this??
As I was watching my immediate thought was just "huh... Lucifer is kinda of weird..." but as the episode went on I realized the issue
the dude is off the chain depressed, like he says it as a joke but holy cow it is SO BAD
He's manically just creating rubber ducks cuz his daughter really like it that one time but it's empty, it's never good enough but he keeps doing it, maybe cuz he doesn't know how to pass the time otherwise.
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like I get the feeling he HAS better things he SHOULD be doing than making rubber duck after rubber duck. At first I was like, "Bruh why isn't the king of hell doing anything?" aaaaand then it became clear...
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The dude is disassociating so bad he can barely hold a conversation let alone remember information. He clearly WANTS to, he wants to be involved with his daughter so bad, he wants to care about the things she's doing so bad, but his depression keeps interfering. It's like he can only hear every other word and he grasps onto the ones he does hear semi-out of context. Like you can see every time he catches something that he hadn't before and he just "well shit I didn't catch that part"
and that's why he reacts so weird when people talk to him. He is struggling so bad to engage with the conversation he's only getting 50% of it
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does that look like the face of a man who knows what the hell the conversation is even about??? he is STRUGGLING
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like Charlie spent so long telling him about the hotel, and he STILL didn't understand what she wanted. Yeah it comes off as ditzy but literally I've been in that position where your brain just "nope, not doing this right now" and nerfs your conversation comprehension. So as someone who's BEEN in that position, to me it feels exactly like what he's dealing with. He's sorta engaged with the conversation, but only as much as his brain will allow
For example, when I'm dealing with this, this is what someone talking to me feels like this where the crossed out parts are what I missed and bold is what I catch, "Hey! You know I was thinking for dinner we could either make some chicken with rice? But if you don't feel like cooking, pasta is super easy and you love that right? What do you want to do?" you can kinda get that someone is trying to talk to you about dinner, and towards the end you get the impression that they asked something that needs your input so you can decently put 2 and 2 together and try and pass off, but crucial bits were left out, I would have no idea that either chicken or pasta is in the conversation only having heard "rice". When someone is just talking at me, I can decently pass off as being engaged but the second I'm required to participate in the conversation I'm screwed. Seem familiar? At which point I have 2 options, try to give a bullshit answer, or admit that I missed what they were saying and ask them to repeat
Lucifer, unfortunately, is trying so damn hard to hide that he's dealing with like 24/7 dissociation, so he can't admit that he's missing entire chunks of the conversation, hence his really weird replies. He does eventually get the full picture and then he and Charlie start having the real conversation
Also, the Alastor/Lucifer rivalry was hilarious but also really indicative of more of what Lucifer is dealing with
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Alastor is, unfortunately, really good at picking up people's insecurities, and thanks to Charlie's description earlier and watching Lucifer clearly trying to overcompensate, he immediately picks up on the fact that Lucifer KNOWS he struggles to be a good dad (we know cuz it's cuz of the depression, hard to be engaged when your brain keeps turning off) and decides to rub salt in the wound by pretending he's been acting as a surrogate father to Charlie. Now why Alastor decided to pick a fight with the king of hell is beyond me, I do not understand Alastor (and I LIKE IT) (maybe it's cuz Alastor thinks he's hot shit and was expecting Lucifer to at least have heard of him but Lucifer just treats him like a nobody? who knows)(why would Lucifer listen to radio anyways when he can't even pay attention to a conversation it'd just be white noise)
But yeah I just was expecting someone who oozed either charisma or presence and instead I got a depressed dad who's dissociating so bad he can barely function and be present in his life. The only thing it seems he CAN do is make rubber ducks cuz his daughter really liked it that one time
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Idk Lucifer is tragic to me. Whatever the full details of what heavan did to him absolutely broke him and he can't deal with it. He's aware of it, and he doesn't know how to fix it, so he tries to over compensate and sorta makes an ass out of himself but no one says or does anything cuz this guy is supposed to be THE king of hell
Suddenly it's making a lot more sense why he just rolls over and lets heaven do what it wants and even told Charlie to go in his place the start of the show. He's not in any headspace to hold a basic conversation let alone negotiate! He didn't even know who Alastor was, he's been so out of touch
idk I like him, he seems sweet, I hope Charlie brings some light back into his life. He really needs to get out of that rubber duck room
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undertheorangetree · 23 days
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Tantrum
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Summary- Art’s girlfriend sucks at tennis. He helps her feel better.
Warnings- MDNI 18+ NSFW. Female reader. Stanford era Art. Exhibitionism. Body worship. Cunnilingus. Wee bit of fingering. P in V sex. Riding. The fluffiest giggliest sex you've ever seen. Me not knowing a damn thing about tennis.
Author's Note- Hi idk if you noticed but i have Challengers brain rot rn specifically for Art Donaldson :// As a theatre kid I simply had no choice it was always gonna be him. Read the full fic on AO3.
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When Art had looked up at her with big pleading eyes, all but begging her to allow him to teach her the basics of tennis, she was in no position to refuse. It had been sweet, how badly he wanted to share his passion with her, the kisses he had peppered across her neck and chest in order to entice her into it, and she couldn’t so much as imagine denying him. Forget the fact that she had never held a racket in her life, that her strengths had always been rooted in academia rather than athletics.  If allowing him to teach her would make him happy, she would do it.
Though not without complaint.
She lets out a frustrated grunt as the ball hits the net- again- before turning her head up to glare at Art when he barely manages to stifle his laugh. He smothers it immediately when he catches sight of her glower, hand coming up to rub at his mouth as if he can physically wipe away his smile and she feels her teeth grind together.
“You can’t laugh. You’re the one who wanted me to do this so you’re not allowed to make fun of me,” she complains, her voice half petulance half hurt and immediately his face morphs into something more apologetic.
“I’m sorry baby.” He makes his way closer but she simply rolls her eyes, turning her nose up when he reaches out to her. He takes it in stride. “I’m not laughing at you, you’re doing very well. It’s just funny to see you so frustrated.”
It’s her turn to laugh, though it is little more than a humourless bark. “I am not doing very well. I suck.”
He makes a sympathetic noise as he attempts to reach for her again. She allows it begrudgingly, resisting the urge to roll her eyes as his hands close around her elbows, face dropping into her neck to press a kiss there. She thinks that he’s about to praise her further, try to coax her back into committing herself to the game, but he stays silent, continuing to lavish her with silent kisses.
She’s happy for the odd hour they decided to come here, the tennis court completely devoid of any other life. It’s a colder night than it should be for mid spring, the floodlights and moon the only two things to provide them with any light, and she’s grateful finals have chased everyone else away. She’s glad to have this time alone with him, despite her frustration. To feel like they are the only two people in the world.
“You’re just hitting the ball too hard,” he explains, face still half buried in her throat. “And you aren’t even attempting to aim. Putting everything you have behind the hit doesn’t make it a good one if you don’t know where you’re sending it. There’s more to tennis than just force, you have to be smart about it.”
She scoffs, reaching up to press her palm against his forehead and shove him away, ignoring the shit eating grin that’s made itself known on his face. “Just go over there and hit the damn ball. Before I leave you here by yourself.”
The grin doesn’t fade, his amusement more than clear, but he does as she asks, returning to his side of the court. She lets out another aggravated sigh as she returns to the position he had told her to wait in, knees bent as she waits for him to serve, realizing more and more that she prefers to watch him play tennis rather than do it with him. She finds far more joy watching him from the stands as he chases after the ball, sweat dripping from his curls and grunts echoing in her ears. Here, where she is the one chasing the ball like a damn dog and failing to send it sailing over the net when she does manage to catch it, there is no time to admire Art in his element.
She almost feels bad for her poor attitude, wishing she was less competitive so that she could simply enjoy this quality time with him, but every failure does nothing but enrage her further, sending her spiralling further into frustration.
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Read the rest here :)
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