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onlyangel4 · 2 months

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unexpected. SMAU. LH44. part one.

lewis hamilton x tattoo artist! reader

in which reader is the last person someone you expect to find in the paddock and that is what makes him drawn to you. or lando's tattoo artist friend visits the paddock to tattoo zak brown after the miami gp win and the internet goes mad.

warnings- cursing

part 2

main faceclaim is ryan ashley malarkey

y/ntattoos posted two stories

story one written: lando keeps on trying to get me to wear papaya.

story two written: because apparently my current outfit is not "race ready"

f1wags

liked by user 4, f1fan7, landofan3 and 52,318 others

f1wags: a new face was spotted in the mclaren hospitality suite. admin snapped this picture and then watched as the woman took a picture. admin asked the other woman in the picture who the girl was she explained it was y/n y/ln and then rushed off. who is this girl?

landofan3: admin i would have expected you to know that. this [email protected]/ntattoos she is best friends with lando's cousin jenna and has known lando since he was born. her being in the paddock makes me think that zak is getting that tattoo.

user4: whoever she is i hope she isn't a wag, the face tattoos are a bit much

user7: she is just a tattoo artist not a wag don't worry

f1fan7: omg y/n is in the paddock, zak brown better run

user10: who is she?

f1fan7: one of the best tattoo artists in the uk, celebrities fly to london just to get tattooed by her. she is the artist behind harry styles' fern tattoos and she did rhianna's hand tattoos.

user23: so idk really know who she is but did you guys see the video of the other drivers when she walked past with lando. i stg lewis almost broke is neck and daniel's jaw dropped.

mclaren posted two stories tagging y/ntattoos

story one written: the artist

story two written: the art

y/ntattoos

liked by landonorris, danielricciardo, lewishamilton and 923,459 others

y/ntattoos: so i have noticed that since i was pictured in the paddock and posted on mclaren socials i have gained a lot of followers so i thought i should introduce myself to all the new people on my page.

hi! i'm y/n, i have been tattooing since i was eighteen (seventeen years). i specialize in ornate jewelry pieces but i do love all aspects of tattooing. i am a dog mum to a five year old pomeranian called lilith.

i know the question on all of your minds is "why the fuck was she in the paddock", the simple answer is that i have known lando since the day he was born as i am best friends with his cousin @.jennanorris and when he won in miami he called me and asked me to do the honors of tattooing one zak brown (who didn't cry like i thought he would)

anyways it is lovely to make your acquaintance and remember to congratulate lando on his podium.

view all 52,392 comments

user12: she really said, if you are going to talk shit about me online then at least get to know me first

user32: shit she is talented

lewishamilton: roscoe would love to meet lilith sometime

y/ntattoos: i'm sure that could be arranged

user16: go on lewis get yourself a hot tattooed girlfriend. we believe in you.

user29: idk still don't like the idea of her being around the drivers. she has bad influence written all over her.

user16:she is 35 you teenagers need to leave this grown woman alone

mclaren: we expect to see you back in the paddock when oscar takes his first win

y/ntattoos: yes boss

landonorris: i was dissapointed, wanted to see zak cry like a baby

y/ntattoos: well you won't even let me tattoo you. so maybe you are the baby

user4: i love her already

#f1 x reader #f1 #f1 fanfic #formula 1 smau #formula one smau #f1 smau #f1 fandom #f1 fic #lh44 #lh44 x reader #lewis hamilton smau #lewis hamilton #sir lewis hamilton #lewis hamilton x reader #lewis hamilton x you

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bluishfrog · 3 months

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tl;dr: please, please interact with your local fanartists

Since my dash is talking about artists and ex-artists, I thought it would be not the worst moment to encourage people to engage with fancreations more!

I obviously cannot speak for ex-artists (and there are very clearly many different issues depending on the situation that have absolutely nothing to do with what I am talking about), but I could imagine that maybe some of them would be less resentful of this fandom, if they felt more like an appreciated part of this community, and instead of dedicating time and energy to keep up with something they no longer like, they could have left quietly with fond memories.

I consider myself very lucky since despite being fairly new on dtblr, I have a few lovely blogs who regularly leave encouraging comments in my tags, but I see so many art works without any 'personal' tags (as opposed to 'category tags' that people use to navigate their blog) or any comments in any other form.

So let's make sure that the many artists of this community - and especially the smaller ones - have a good experience! :D

Here some ideas (the list is in no way exhaustive) on how to show love to your local artists:

leave personalized comments in the tags: you can point out what you like about it, maybe comment on a small detail you noticed, compliment the drawing style, etc. (small trick: if I don't feel up to add personalized tags, I put the post in my drafts and then add the tags later!)

send them a message in their askbox - you can even stay on anon if you are more comfortable like that! If you want to reference a specific artwork, you can add the link or include the title / description

you can tag people you think would enjoy the art piece - show off your favorite works

if you have something longer in mind, you can even make your own post and tag the artist themselves to ensure they see your post

write something based on your favorite art - no matter how long or short

draw something inspired by an artist you enjoy - and you definitely don't have to be an experienced artist for that. It's so much fun to inspire each other!

Same goes for our wonderful writers: leave a comment, gush about your favorite quote, ramble to them in their ask box, draw fanart for their work - let them know that you appreciate their creations and that you took the time to interact with it.

At the end of the day, we are all here because we want to enjoy something together. And some of us like to do that by creating our own little works inspired by that common interest. And as online communities tend to do, it is quite often the case that negative attention is a lot louder than positive attention. And it can feel rather lonely at times.

It makes all the difference when you feel like your works are loved and cherished :)

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thefallennightmare · 1 year

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Miracle-three

(gif created by me, the fallen nightmare. feel free to use, simply give credit)

Pairings: Noah Sebastian x Reader

Warnings/Tropes: forced proximity, slight enemies to lovers, slow burn, smut, angst, fluff, mentions of death, and swearing.

Summary: Reader is the merch girl for Bad Omens. It wasn't what she wanted to do with her life but when her mother got sick with Alzheimer's, reader took a job where she could to help with the costs. She thought it would be a one-time gig but the longer she was on the road with them, the harder she fell for Noah Sebastian; even if he wanted nothing to do with her. She needed a miracle to save her mom and her future.

Author Note: I forgot how much I hate slow burns. So we'll see how long it lasts. Tags are open if anyone is interested!

Tags: @ada-clarence @nonamessblog @thescarlettvvitch @malice-ov-mercy @crimson-calligraphyx @theoneandonlykymberlee @yumikitten @blackveilomens @cherrymedicine13

A yawn fell from my lips as I snuggled deeper into the bed, a blanket wrapped around me like a cacoon to keep in the warmth. It was my first day off in four days and with the constant traveling; I was relishing being able to sleep in an actual bed. The bunks on the tour bus weren't terrible but with Bryan's snoring I was thankful for the quiet night of sleep ahead. The sun was setting, the orange glow painting over the walls of the room, and I only left the bed to go to the bathroom or grab my room service. The entire day was dreading tomorrow because that's when I had to send Lana her first paycheck and I was about three hundred dollars short.

My mom had been doing great, even remembering who I was when we talked on the phone. Something about hearing my voice but not seeing my face must have helped. It warmed my heart that we had conversations about things like we used too before she got sick.

I could explain to Lana the situation. I'm sure she would understand.

Somehow I doubted that which is why I was heavily researching my idea, wondering what the risks were and if the payout was worth it. Everyone online who had a page said they could pay for things they wouldn't have with a regular job. I would have my own rules and wouldn't worry about sharing it with a partner. I could post what I wanted whenever I wanted. The only risky thing would be someone recognizing me and with who I worked for, I wasn't completely sold on the idea yet.

"I don't have to show my face," I told myself as I sat up, deciding pretty hastily.

Desperation made people do drastic things and starting an Only Fans was my last resort; I had no other options.

The phone on my camera wouldn't do and I sucked in my bottom lip, wondering if what I was about to do was a good idea. I needed a better camera and set up while also having a credit card with a high enough limit, though it was for emergencies.

Isn't this one? Think of it as an investment.

Agreeing with the voice in my mind, I scrambled out of bed and quickly stepped into a pair of black sweats and hoodie to match. I cringed when I noticed myself in the mirror and made quick work to make myself look somewhat presentable.

The walk to the nearest store was only a few minutes, and I enjoyed the sounds of the hustle bustle of the city as people walked passed me, their own ideas for the night fueling them. I knew little about cameras and thought about asking Bryan some advice but knowing I might have to tell him why I needed one didn't sit well with me

As I was leaving the store, two bags in hand and $500 more in debt, I felt my phone buzz in my pocket and when I read the message, I couldn't help but let out a groan.

Davis, yet again, was inviting me out to dinner tonight with him and the crew. I ignored his first two because I really had plans to lie in bed all day. Now, the only thing I wanted to do was get my profile set up and start posting so I could make money as soon as I could. Plus, Noah was avoiding me ever since the night of the first show when Jolly caught us together. Nothing happened but to Noah, it was as if they caught us fucking.

The thought caused a flush to creep to my cheeks as another text came in.

Davis: If money is an issue, it's on the crew tonight. The last few days have been crazy and we want a night out to relax.

It was true; every show this tour is sold out which made for a crazy night. Everyone in the band and crew were exhausted so a night out was something we all needed.

Me: I'm already out, where should I meet you guys?

Davis: there's this Mexican restaurant right around the block from the hotel. Meet in an hour?

Perfect amount of time to set up and record my first video. I never was a modest person, even if I never had a boyfriend. A few hookups here and there gave me some experience, but I also knew what my body liked, hence me bringing a few differnt kinds of toys with me. After the first tour, I realized how lonely I got out on the road.

I refused to prove Noah right I was only here to fuck someone; which was not true. But that didn't mean I couldn't think of a certain tattooed vocalist while I filmed, right?

An hour and fifteen minutes and red flushed cheeks later, I was practically running out of the hotel to make it in time to the restaurant. As usual, I was running late, but that was because it took me some time to figure out how to edit and post the video to my page. What I filmed wasn't exactly raunchy but just enough to keep people wanting to come back.

I was in a rush to get to the restaurant that I nearly missed the body that I collided in. Strong arms wrap around me to keep me steady as I looked up into those dark eyes that haunted me every second of every day. My heart fell deep into the pits of my stomach as embarrassment filled my veins, knowing that face was the reason for my orgasm less than an hour ago.

Noah gave me a look as slowly removed his arms from me, Jolly and Folio standing on either side of him.

"Where's the fire, angel?" He asked while drinking in the sight of me with a wide grin.

In my pussy.

He was wearing a grey sweater; the hood pulled up over his head and white hat. I cursed my vagina as it throbbed at the sight of him and my pet name.

"Uh, I was meeting Davis and others for dinner," I pointed behind me, stuttering over my words a bit.

Jolly smiled. "We're headed there too. Care if we walk with you?"

Him and Folio, not at all. Noah, yes I minded.

I didn't appreciate him acting different around me when we were alone as opposed to when people were around us.

"Nope," I smiled.

The four of us walked quietly to the restaurant with Folio next to me, Jolly and Noah behind us. Folio bumped his shoulder with me which made me peer up at him.

"I feel like I haven't seen you in a while. Outside of work," he said.

I gave a half shrug. "Just been keeping to myself the last few days."

"Does that have anything to do with," Folio threw a thumb over his shoulder towards Noah.

"No," I said a little too quickly, afraid as if he could see in my mind what I had been doing back in my room. "I forgot how busy life on the road is, that's all."

"What did he do to make you avoid him?" he asked, seeing right through my lie.

This caused Noah to step closer to the two of us, forcing his way between Folio and I.

"I didn't do anything," Noah defended.

My body was still buzzing post orgasm so having him this close to made my stomach flutter and head hazy.

"Right," I muttered under my breath and gave myself some space from him, allowing Jolly to take my spot next to Noah.

"Did we do anything to put you off?" Jolly asked.

I shook my head. "No, not at all. Everyone has been nice. I meant what I said, I've just been tired."

Noah peered over at me past Jolly, something unreadable on his face, but said nothing while we turned the block, the restaurant coming into view. Davis, Byran, Matt, and Nick Ruffilo were already seated at a table outside as we walked up. My phone buzzed in my pocket and as I saw yet another notification from Only Fans, I didn't realize that the only open seat was next to Noah.

Cursing under my breath, I sat tentatively next to him and pocketed my phone, not wanting him to peak over my shoulder and see the notification.

I had a few new subscribers which meant people were paying for my content. Maybe soon things will start picking up and I wouldn't have to worry as much.

The server came over to take our order and I frowned at Matt as he ordered a pitcher of beer for all of us to share.

"Can I have a water and four chicken tacos please?" I asked with a smile.

"You don't want a beer?" Matt asked.

I shook my head. "I don't drink; well much anyway. I do for special occasions but not really feeling like it right now."

Noah muttered something under his breath, and my eyes snapped over to him.

"Care to share what you mumbling under your breath?"

"You seemed pretty into it last tour in Chicago," he didn't bother to look away from his phone.

I stared at him with my jaw slack, upset for him bringing up that night but also amazed that he remembered that. With the way his jaw ticked and his hand gripped around his phone, it was clear he thought of that night often. I got drunk after a show because the guy I'd been talking to all night and flirting with was actually married. His wife was the reason why he was at the show in the first place but decided to hang out at the merch booth instead.

"Is that why you're such a dick to me?" I wondered.

Thankfully, the server had left, so they didn't have to watch us bicker but for the rest of the guys at the table, it didn't save them.

"You guys get drunk all the time. The one night I did, you hold it against me? For what?" I snapped.

I wasn't yelling but the table next to us spared us a few glances of concern.

"We don't need someone to carry us from the venue to the hotel, three blocks," Noah finally met my gaze.

I scoffed, completely baffled this was why he was such an asshole towards me. Because I got drunk last tour and he had to carry me back to the hotel?

"You're fucking unbelievable, Noah." I shook my head and turned away from him.

If I wasn't starving, I would head back to the hotel. But I already ordered and didn't want my food to go to waste.

Folio, who was sitting on my other side, looked at me with sympathetic eyes and gave my knee a squeeze underneath the table. The rest of dinner passed by with Noah and I not speaking another word to each other while the others chatted amongst themselves. I ate my food and sipped at my water in peace, checking my phone every now and then to see if Lana had texted me back. It was almost eight in the evening, and I debated on wondering if it was too late to call to talk to my mom when my phone rang.

Excusing myself from the table, I walked down the block to answer the call. It was a fast phone call, my mom being too exhausted to talk. Instead, I caught up with Lana.

"Alright, well let me know how she is in the morning. I'll be in the bus for half of the day so I can talk with her," I sighed.

"I will, dear. She's so exhausted from today. I looked through some photo albums with her to help her remember but nothing. There was nothing in her eyes."

I swallowed the lump in my throat and nodded even though Lana couldn't see.

"Yeah, those vacant eyes. It's been happening a lot lately."

There was a lot of rustling on Lana's end before her soft voice came through. "I promise you. She's in good hands. When she remembers things, we have a lot in common."

That made me smile.

"Good. And I'll send you the first payment tomorrow," I said much to my dismay.

"No rush, dear."

We talked for a few more minutes before I hung up, suddenly exhausted and wanting nothing more than to crawl into bed for the rest of the night. When I returned to the table, I halted seeing that only Noah sat there. He heard me walk up and handed me my to go box of leftover food.

"The bill's been taking care of," he said.

I didn't meet his gaze, still upset with him, as I snatched the box out of his hand.

"Don't worry, I didn't flirt with anyone to get free food."

Noah sighed then pushed himself out of his chair, immediately towering over me.

"Do you always have to talk with such an attitude," he gritted out through clenched teeth.

I stood toe to toe with him. "Only for you, baby."

The pet name was supposed to come out as playful, no meaning behind it. But with the way Noah's eyes flashed and a low noise vibrated from his throat, I knew it had the opposite effect on him. His tongue rolled over his bottom lip and I wanted nothing more that to taste them.

"Can I walk you back to the hotel?" Noah asked.

Unbelievable.

"Oh, now that no one is around you act like you give a shit?" I snarled.

He raised his hands. "I'm trying to be nice, Y/N."

"Here's a piece of advice," I snatched my purse from the table, "If you want to be nice to me, stop doing it when we're alone. It makes me think you're embarrassed to be seen with me."

Noah's face fell and began shaking his head. "It's not that."

"Oh, right? It was because of that night in Chicago where you had to carry me back to the hotel. News flash, Noah. I didn't fucking ask you too. So do me a favor, unless it deals with work, don't talk to me the rest of the time were on tour."

Not bothering to listen to him come up with another excuse, I turned on my heels and stomped back towards the hotel.

#noah sebastian #noah sebastian and reader #noah sebastian x reader #noah sebastian reader insert #noah sebastian smut #forced proximity #enemies to lovers #slow burn

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starry-bi-sky · 9 months

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honestly your dpxdc clone au gives me life, its adorable as all hell and im a sucker for found family but with that being said, its so freaking hysterical to me that Danny is going full feral liminal menace at Wes any time hes near and Wes himself is still 100% into it the freak (affectionate) and thats not even pointing out the paralles it could possible create since danny and dames gives massive parallels to dick and damian and dick does have a thing for redheads.

yeesSSSSS! I was planning on hoarding this to myself but i can't not reply. and i'll be able to find this again with the clone^2 tag so win WIN. i'm so glad you are as delighted by this as me. It's so hilarious to me that Danny just becomes a complete freak whenever he spots Wes, and I'm the one who wrote it into existence. Like- like i don't know how to explain my vision in words but like, its like Danny sees Wes and immediately goes 'what can I do to make his day worse'. And then he goes and does it.

(honorary read more because i talk a lot)

He's relatively normal around his friends too, which makes him going full-fledged unhinged around Wes even funnier to me. Like, Danny will spout weird shit sometimes to Sam and Tucker, but usually its prefaced with him talking about patrol or there would be context before he said anything. With Wes? Though?? he will just. say anything, completely unprompted. Slings an arm around his shoulder like they've been buddies since primary school and then spits out a weird new fun fact he learned about the bodily anatomy while researching his latest cold case. All vaguely-threatening but utterly insane things to say as way to start a conversation.

And sometimes its not even that, he'll walk up to Wes and ask him if he saw the latest daytime fight between Phantom and Skulker. And then he'll say "yeah i missed it myself but I saw clips of it being posted online" and then watch Wes mentally explode him with his mind. or he'll disparage Phantom for having such a young partner with him, "Can you believe he'd let a kid fight ghosts with him? I'd never let my brother ghosthunt with me if I was Phantom."

All of this with such a deceptive look on his face but the most delighted, shit-eating gleam in his eyes. Wes is chewing glass and he wants to yell that he does let his brother fight ghosts with him. Also you told him yourself that nothing would've stopped your demonic (Wes' words) little brother from joining you.

Damian gets in on the fuckery occasionally, but since he's not around often with Wes about, it doesn't happen nearly as often as it does between Wes and Danny. Sam and Tucker know he's screwing with him too, and both of them are a little wary about him being careless with his secret id. But he's been doing this since he was 14-ish and it hasn't backfired yet. So. They're not actively stopping him.

Danny walks back to his lunch table after terrorizing Wes and Tucker just asks him what he said, because Wes was about as red as a tomato when he walked away. Danny offhandedly sighs and innocently says he tried to have a conversation about Phantom with him. Wes didn't seem to like it all that much. Weird.

And yes, yes. Wes is totally into it and is slightly enraged about this fact, because not even he knows why he's into it. The freak (affectionate). Danny gives him this troublemaker smirk, and i did say smirk, and Wes doesn't know whether or not if he wants to smack him or kiss him. Or both. Like, yeah, pine, white boy, pine.

(And this is a dramatized image but I'm also highly entertained by the idea that Wes keeps getting routine dirty looks from various peers because they, too, have a crush on Fenton. Except Fenton doesn't talk to anyone else unless its his friends and sometimes Valerie, and Weston, the guy who keeps accusing him of being the local vigilante, is somehow routinely having conversations with him?? And BLOWING IT?? Like everyone else thinks he's fumbling so bad, and yet fenton keeps tALKING to him.)

And yes!! i'm always so pleased whenever someone brings up the parallels D+D have to Dick and Damian, because that was lowkey my intention when I was making the solo clone damian au. Although it was supposed to be more implied since I don't really know much about Damian and Dick other than they're very close and Dick was Damian's Batman for a year. And then of course the very smaller parallel (??) 'what if' between Bruce and Damian and D+D in clone^2 considering who they are both clones of.

And man this just makes me want to talk about when batfam meet D+D because I just want them to see D+D be so brotherly towards each other. Like I want them to see Bby Dames wearing his goofy fun fact shirts and stealing Danny's hoodies/flannels/etc and blatantly lying about it when Danny asks. Only for Danny to then throw him over his shoulder like Tadashi from BH3 and jump around.

And also. I do not know what Damian Wayne's (DW as I'll call him) stance on being called "Dami" is - the general consensus I've seen is that its usually used as a playful nickname in order to get a rise out of him, and he doesn't really like it.

But baby Dames being called that freely, and often, and its sometimes used to get a rise out of him but thats typically what nicknames do. Its used as easily as his full name is with the same amount of affection. And its like his main go-to nickname. "Dami" and "Dames" with the occasional "Bud/Buddy", "Squirt", "Little man", etc. Not once is he ever called 'demon-spawn'

(which i know is a fanon nickname but its a relatively popular nickname)

but yeah, uhhh. i think thats all of my thoughts on the matter. for now lmAO

#danny fenton is not the ghost king #clone^2 #i use 'like' so much its not even funny jhdf but it just puts an emphasis on the sentence #honorary read more tag bc damn i talk a lot #i should make a post about danny's relationship with red huntress in the clone^2 au because i like to imagine that's different too #anyways danny and wes' dynamic in clone^2 brings me a lot of joy. they get stuck in a room together and danny gets the biggest grin ever #and wes stares at him before going completely deadpan 'im in hell'. he's being dramatic and only slightly for real.#also im not sure WHAT damian does - honestly the most extreme thing i can think of is him breaking into wes' house and threatening him #but wes has called him danny's 'demonic little brother' ever since. sOMEbody has to give him his 'demon' nickname its just not gonna be #danny or jazz who do it. anyways damian fully supports messing with wes and anyone else who has a crush on danny

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killerandhealerqueen · 2 months

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It's Love Letters Night! Send love and positivity to some of your favorite writers and bloggers!

@hyperbolicgrinch Jaz!!! You truly are my hype woman no matter the fandom and I am so grateful to have met you when Killer and Healer was airing because honestly, you really brighten up my day. Also, I really like your writing, even though we may not be in the same fandoms, and starting the ✨ weekend wip exposure club ✨ with you and Holly was so much fun

@theotherwhybietoldmeso Holly! My beloved! I know we only became friends this year but I am so grateful to have met you! You and Jaz are truly like the MVPs for dealing with me during this time of f1 hyperfixation (which I love, don't get me wrong) and hearing your nice feedback in the tags is always something to look forward to. Also, your fic ideas are so interesting and diverse and I love seeing the different fandoms you write for because of our ✨ weekend wip exposure club ✨

@clawbehavior Claw! My beloved! I know we're no longer in the same fandom, but it's always so fun to read your meta and tags and also see what sort of fanfictions you can come up with just from a simple post, drawing, or gifset. Your mind works a lot like mine creatively so it's so cool to see how your fics/ideas for fics come together and I'm always honored whenever you tag me in your fic ideas or come to me for advice with your fics. Truly so glad we met

@ahhhnorealnamesallowed Billie!!! Thank you for always being my sounding board for whenever I need someone to talk to about my fics because it's so easy to bounce ideas back and forth with you and you're always willing to be my second pair of eyes whenever I'm just fucking done with a fic. Also, thank you for always encouraging my ideas and for thinking that they're not too ambitious (because sometimes I worry that they are). So grateful to have met you when Killer and Healer was airing

@fourth-quartet Took! I know we really don't share fandoms anymore but it's always a delight to see you on my dash talking about things you're passionate about. Also, I really love your writing and will always support you in whatever you decide to write. I'm so glad we became friends when TDJ was airing

@kpopfantasywriter Jiejie! I know I haven't really come to you with fic ideas like I used to, but it's always so much fun to brainstorm fic ideas with you and it's always fun to read your little snippets that you sometimes post to the discord (I'm also very honored to be an OC in your fic, it's a lot of fun). Thank you for always sending me fic ideas/prompts and talking about fics with me, both on here and in the discord. I don't remember when we met but I'm really glad we became friends and have the relationship that we do

@dangermousie Mousie! I know you're not a writer but my god are you one of my favorite bloggers, I love your meta on different dramas and I feel like I'm watching them through you, which is a lot of fun because I get exposed to dramas that I would never actively seek out myself. Your commentary is also so fucking funny and makes me snort because I'd probably be saying the same damn thing too

@seonghwacore Ann! My baby! I know you don't write as much anymore but you are one of my favorite gifmakers and calling you my friend and my baby is like...just everything. Your gifsets for Killer and Healer were (and still are) legendary and your skills have only improved for Ateez and I'm proud to watch you grow. You're doing great, sweetie!

@nineninepetals Nine! I know you're not online as much anymore, but you deserve to be on this list and get this notification because I need you to know that you were and still are one of my biggest Killer and Healer cheerleaders and getting comments in my inbox both on here and on ao3 from you with a full on book report of your reaction to my fics is just...everything. I miss you and hope you are doing well and just know that I'm always thinking of you and I hope you come back to us one day

@marulo Maru! I also know that you're not online as much anymore, but I just wanted to let you know that I love you and miss you and hope you're doing well. You were also one of my biggest cheerleaders for my Killer and Healer fics and were always so supportive. I hope you're doing well and please just know that I miss you and I hope you come back to us one day

@evil-moonlight Jin! Of course you're on this list too! You're always so supportive of my fics and you're also just my biggest cheerleader in general and I really really appreciate you. Your writing is also super good and I hope you write more because damn girl you made feel things

@tytangfei Jina! The one who got me into Killer and Healer! Thank you for doing that, honestly, because that drama truly has changed my life and writing fanfiction for them as been both an honor and a dream. Also, your gifsets for Killer and Healer *chefs kiss*. Truly. They're the reason I got into the drama in the first place. Also, your writing...I hope you write more for them because your writing is so good...

@bestbuds55 Dana! I couldn't forget you too! Your writing is so good. I re-read your Killer and Healer fics all the time but have never dabbled into your Hannibal ones so I need to do that because the premises for them sound so interesting so I know I'm in for a treat

@mishathewtf Mish! Can't forget you either! You truly brighten both my dash and the discord both with your hilarious Killer and Healer memes (truly I think I've spat water while looking at them) as well as your other hyperfixations. Also, it's so fun playing those different games with you over discord because 1) they're interesting and something that I'd never actually play on my own and 2) they're just fun to play with others. Also, I have to thank you for being willing to put on LEGO Lord of the Rings over discord to help me calm my super bad anxiety...it really meant a lot and I know I told you at the time, but...I still think about it sometimes and it warms my heart

@sunriseverse Corset! Of course you're on here too! I love talking with you about fics and listening to you rant about your sunrise verse and honestly the work that you put into that thing is just...mind-boggling. It's so cool, honestly. Also, I love your fics for Couple of Mirrors and I'm so glad you wrote them because they are some of my faves (cuz I love that drama). Also, sending fic/writing questions back and forth to you is just so much fun, I love picking your brain about writing

@okifyouinsist Girl, I couldn't forget you. I know we've only been mutuals for such a short time, but you really have become my cheerleader in the f1 fanfic world and that really means a lot that you get so hyped over my little snippets that I post. I hope that our friendship can strengthen and that we'll be friends for a really long time

@friendlynbhddevil Sammy! I know we only became friends recently, but your love for Killer and Healer is almost as unmatched as mine, like we truly match each others freaks when it comes to those boys. I also love seeing you lose your mind over Beyond Evil cuz I too lost mine damn mind over that show...ugh, I'm just so glad we're friends. You really do brighten up my dash

Also, I know there are so many others who I'd love to put on this list, but then I'd practically be listing all of my mutuals so if your name is not on this list, please just know that I love you, I think about you, and you make my life so much better because you're in it

#love letters night #love letters to my friends #i love you all

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scienceoftheidiot · 3 months

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Tag game for fanfiction authors !

I was tagged by both @the-blue-eyed-firebender and @lassusog, thank you so much to both of you !!

The story you're proudest of:

I have two in mind, but I will be talking about the other one later, and I want to talk about a finished one. I’m incredibly proud of us, @qs63 and myself, for “My own worst friend and my own closest enemy” (does it surprise anyone that I am the one who chose the title? BTW fun fact, it comes from the same song as my username). I’m proud of us for writing a four hands fic relatively seamlessly, and managing to get to the end of it in a relatively short time. It was a blast from start to finish, and I’m also glad it seems to still get love a year after we finished publishing. Bonus, it’s still very fun to re-read for me because I only wrote 50% of it so I don’t remember everything and I get surprised every time haha. We managed to make a fic that also delves into character study for both BH and 03 Roy and Riza, and that was INCREDIBLY FUN. Best time.

Your story that's gotten the most love online:

We don’t talk about failures Murdocks Never Quit in this house so let’s talk about one I’m actually proud of (at least I did learn from my mistakes). Besides, it seems to have gotten that much insane love without me even knowing or being told it so uh. Nevermind. That just couldn't work, could it.

Of course since it’s a very long fic with multiple chapters the one which has received the most love is All the hope (not that people read more long fics but statistically more people are exposed to it thanks to the new chapters updates), which I am very proud and insanely happy about, because at first I wasn’t even planning to publish it. And now I’m gladly on the way to finish this monster of a fic and already planning the second part. Go figure XD but I am so so grateful for everyone who has given a chance to it and for those who keep on reading. Extra bonus for you who leave all these detailed comments at each chapters, all of you, you have no idea how you’ve kept me afloat all year. And kept/keep me writing. All the love for you. Thank you so much.

Tease a current WIP or idea you're working on:

I’m already thinking of what I could do once I’m done publishing All the hope, and I have some WIPs lying around. The most developed one has already been partially written, and I’m considering trying to start posting it with a long delay between chapters, to allow me to work on multiple things at once. Not sure it’s a good idea, though. This one, some of my followers might know about, has for working name “1923”, and explores the lives of the Roy and Riza of OUR universe that we don’t get to see in Conqueror of Shamballa. I couldn’t NOT have fun with sending Roy into WW1, I mean, ME. SENDING CHARACTERS INTO WW1? HOW SURPRISING. I even managed to find a historically accurate way to send Riza to war without making a nurse out of her (which. No. No nurse Riza for me, unless you count her nursing Roy back to health)(of course, who do you think I am, you know what I write). There’s of course all the other characters that pop up here and there. And yes of course this is 100% Royai lol (UPDATE : I don't know what possessed me. It's a Royai fic alright. However. There are surprises in it. If I don't mention that I know someone will come and kill me with her bare hands. Lol. Royai with a twist I guess?)

Your top 3 fandoms:

I don’t know if I can count FMA 03 and Brotherhood/manga as different fandoms lol so FMA, Daredevil (comics or show, but they ARE different characters)(I'm more of a comics Matt lover, to everyone's surprise), and Ripper Street (everyone watch Ripper Street please and you will thank me after wanting to kill me).

Your top 3 ships:

Royai, Havoroyai (didn’t specify I can’t have OT3), Havoroy yes there is a pattern here.

Wait was I supposed to talk about different fandoms? Then Matt/Karen and Edmund/his hat (and anyone who would be willing to give some love to this disaster of a man).

Rec someone else's fic:

Your Warmth Against My Scars by @lassusog. Just. It’s just so good. Perfect angst, perfect characterisation, and so, so, so good on all parts I just can’t seem to find the words and it makes me insane. Read it if you haven’t already, re-read it if you have, which is what I’m planning to do.

Pick one!

Fluff or Angst (or both, they gotta earn the fluff)

Oneshots or longfics

Canon compliance or canon divergence

AO3 or FF.net

I tag @qs63, @wellbehaveddolphin, I think all the other royai people have been tagged already ? My memory is Swiss cheese so if you haven't and you see this, please do it. And I'll extend to @mabonetsamhain, @residentdormouse, @littleragondin and @riotbrrrd :)

#tag game #royai #writing

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puppy-phum · 3 months

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tag game ✨

thanks for tagging me zey @thasorns ♥ i teared up at your addition about me, that is so sweet :( i miss our dff talks too! idk what you're into these days but would love to talk about some show with you again :')

1. why did you choose your url?

bc am obsessed with one (1) man who belongs to another amazing guy ♥ (been thinking about an url change lately tho bc i'd like to put last twilight and the hurt it caused behind me but haven't found something else to tie myself to yet. maybe we are and phumpeem if the ending delivers?)

2. any sideblogs? if you have them name them and why you have them.

not really. the only side blog i have is my og url vishcount saved for nostalgia purposes but there's nothing on that blog

3. how long have you been on tumblr?

started on this hellsite (affectionate) on the lord's year 2013 and it shows

4. do you have a queue tag?

i don't use the queue much so no. you will only catch me reblogging like ten posts in a row when am online/in the mood and then going back to lurking again

5. why did you start your blog in the first place?

i was into a bunch of animes and tumblr was filled with amazing fanart. i wanted to be able to look at them in peace

6. why did you choose your icon/pfp?

to show who my url is about ♥ mork my beloved

7. why did you choose your header?

wanted it to fit the theme. also i adore the last twilight rooftop kiss, it's one of the brightest spots of the show

8. what’s your post with the most notes?

most likely this the untamed edit from 2020. i was truly living my peak back then :'D tbh i feel like the whole of tumblr was living its peak when the untamed was airing and when we all lost it together for the longest time after

9. how many mutuals do you have?

way too many and i adore all of them, tho i probably forget or cannot recognize most of them. especially if you've changed your url/main fandom OR i have, we might not even know each other anymore haha

10. how many followers do you have?

more than i deserve and idk what all of you are even doing here but i like feeling like i'm part of some type of crowd ♥

11. how many people do you follow?

quite recently i unfollowed some inactive blogs and blogs about things i don't really care for anymore so my follow count is a nice number of 205

12. have you ever made a shitpost?

uh. i don't really know? do some posts from my finnish tumblr (suomitumppu) era count? :'D

13. how often do you use tumblr each day?

am chronically online and i open this app like a fridge

14. did you have a fight/argument with another blog once?

no, not really. am not really one to share strong opinions, especially negative opinions, publicly online which i think is the cause of most arguments ppl have here. i'd rather just keep my peace and be nice

15. how do you feel about ‘you need to reblog this’ posts

mostly i don't like doing things when am told to do them

16. do you like tag games?

yes! it always makes me happy to know that someone is thinking about me and i do find these a lot of fun to do ^^

17. do you like ask games?

also yes. i just don't often reblog those bc i don't really have a lot of interactions on this site. if i find an ask game with very interesting questions, i might forward it to kiddo @i-am-just-a-kiddo and we do it together privately to enjoy it like that ♥

18. which of your mutuals do you think is tumblr famous?

the first one that comes to mind is hanyi @ruanbaijie who i think deserves all the recognition for her absolutely amazing giffing skills ♥ she's also the sweetest so idk what's not to follow, make her even more famous if you can!

19. do you have a crush on a mutual?

nope. idk if i function like that tbh. i have some huge friend crushes tho and want to be closer with some ppl a lot! not mentioning names bc am shy haha

but i want to say that monica @stormyoceans is very important to me these days. she brightens up my days and makes my whole fandom experience so much better by simply being her enthusiastic and authentic self ♥ never change!

and also jessi @oswlld who i still cannot believe is someone i can call my friend and bestie on this site. i am so happy we've gotten to share bad buddy, vice versa, and last twilight together! also happy to hear about your life at times and to just share silly things with you ♥

third one i want to mention is shannen @icouldhyperfixatehim who always manages to stand out in a positive way. we don't interact much but i cannot help but feel very giddy about their presence on my dash. they leave the best tags and every time they reblog any of my edits with their tags, they manage to make me feel like i've made it and my edit was worth the effort :'D so thank you!

20. tags?

want to tag at least @psychic-waffles @foxofninetales @hils79 @sherrymagic @srnileforme and @thitiponqs ♥ also the ones i mentioned before are free to join and anyone else who wants to do this!

#tag game #thank you a ton zey this was so much fun!!!#i hope you're doing well and having a good summer ♥

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alastorss · 3 months

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Hi all,

I want to preface this whole thing by saying I have NO problem with nsfw blogs, creators, and readers interacting with me. I love your brilliant brains and am happy that you've found a comfortable platform for you! ^.^ Everyone is welcome to interact with me, talk to me, and read/reblog any of my things (as long as you are not a literal child). THAT BEING SAID:

I'd just like to come on here and please, please, please ask that you do not reblog any of my posts with writings of / links to Alastor smut.

A few of you may know that this happened to one of my posts recently, as you might have seen it on your dash or in the tags :') the problem with this is that every subsequent interaction with the nsfw also goes into my notifications (which I normally wouldn't mind at all, but as I said before, I'm not comfortable with engaging with or being associated with Alastor nsfw). Absolutely no hate to the creator who did this, obviously, I just really don't want to see Alastor porn in my notifs as more and more people reblog it and comment about it.

It may seem childish or petty to some people, but the reason I don't actively seek out or interact with Alastor smut is because, in some ways, I see myself represented in an ace character. I feel like it's never really talked about enough in media. And again, it is 10000% okay for others to read and write smut for him. I do not care. But it's a little different when my notifs are suddenly engaged with something I'm not comfortable seeing or actively interacting with.

I have since blocked the blog, and I believe they may have done the same to me. That is within my right and theirs to do so. It is not because I dislike them, or think that this is worthy of petty Tumblr drama, or anything of the sort. I'd like to clear that up now. Tumblr and your online platform should be curated FOR YOU. It's a safe space where you can express and be expressed in any way you want and I think that's great. Some things are just not my cup of tea and that's fine. If I don't want to see it, I can block anyone, just as much as anyone can block me if they don't like me or the things I write. There's nothing else to read into. Simple as that.

I hope you all understand where I'm coming from. Again, no need to track down the post or the creator if you haven't seen it on your dash. I don't want to incite a witch hunt or even want an apology since there's nothing to apologize for with an honest to goodness mistake. They probably just didn't know I wasn't comfortable with Alastor nsfw and just wanted to share their work (which I'm sure is wonderfully written btw). I'm taking down the post related to this and it's someone who I have not openly interacted with before on this blog. So please be kind ^.^ I just want to use this opportunity to bring this up in case I haven't before.

I feel like I shouldn't have to explain myself since everyone here has been so warmly welcoming and respectful to my rules. But I wanted to just throw it out there in case anyone wasn't sure if they could interact with me or not.

Tldr; if you are an nsfw blog or creator, I would love to interact as long as topics BETWEEN US about Alastor specifically stay sfw! I really really really do not mind nsfw content that is created, even for Alastor. Please don't feel like you can never post it or I'll never talk to you.

BUT I draw a line at using my content to promote smut and other nsfw, since it makes me uncomfortable to see it in my notifications.

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theyarnmaidstale · 3 months

Note

🐝- Tag three friends and your three favorite things about them!

🦄- List your three favorite things about yourself!

🦋- Tag three people you want to get to know better and state why!

Tulip! I have already answered these here but in the spirit of fun! and whimsy! and being a good sport! I will answer them again, but differently this time.

🐝- Tag three friends and your three favorite things about them!

@queerbuckleys - AJ is absolutely a delight. They're such a wonderful friend and is always ready with a kind word and support. They have a wicked sense of fashion I really admire, and I love how creative they are. @tulipfromtheinternet - HA! Now I get to gush about YOU (yes, I am proud of myself for doing this twice. No, I will not apologize for it) You are like sunshine personified. Like, how did you do that? I don't know if there's like a single bad day you'd be unable to turn around. It feels like you're always able to match my energy and I appreciate that so much. and I love your sense of humor! @thetruthisinthetooth - Ro is so sweet! She is so supportive and is incredible at helping you shape your ideas when you're writing or doing something creative. I couldn't imagine my little Polin writing group without her

🦄- List your three favorite things about yourself!

The downside to committing to the bit and doing this one again is y'all have managed to get me to say six nice things about myself. I love how I've grown more confident and more outgoing when it comes to making fandom friends and connecting with people online/trying new things with new fandoms I love that I'm a pretty fast learner. Once I actually set my mind to doing something or learning something, I tend to pick it up pretty easily. I'd like to think I'm good at looking out for others. I want my friends and loves ones to lead happy, fulfilling lives and I'll do what I can to help them along that journey.

🦋- Tag three people you want to get to know better and state why!

@polinsated - Courtney is so fun to talk to and so talented! I can't wait to get to know her better :) @brasscacti - PJ has great vibes. I think we have pretty similar senses of humor and I feel like we'd be good pals 😎 @fleurdebeton - I already love chatting with Em! She's a delightful person and I love seeing her in my DMs/notes/dashboard.

lovely asks

#kayla answers #tulipfromtheinternet

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n1ght0f-nyx · 2 months

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a revelation

Jane Richardson x fem Reader plot and tags: youve been roomies with jane for a few months now, and the night a man stupidly breaks into your apartment, you find out about her real side minor violence, Death of a unimportant character, Obsessive behavior, wlw, yandere, protective jane, you don't know shes a agent, there is a link in the note, and ofc its not proofread

note: this is the real, original version of jane the killer, where she is a government assassin

I had always thought living in Los Angeles would be glamorous—sunny skies, palm trees, and a vibrant city life. What I hadn’t counted on was the need for a roommate to afford my cute little bungalow in Van Nuys. The online ad said she was “quiet, clean, and dependable,” and the moment I met Jane, I knew she was all that and more.

She moved in without much fuss, carrying in only a couple of duffel bags, and from then on, we settled into an easy routine. We rarely saw each other—she worked odd hours, coming and going at strange times of the night. I figured she was in some high-pressure job, like a nurse or a cop, and since she paid her rent on time, I didn’t pry.

One night, I found myself wide awake, the walls of the house seeming too thin, too quiet. A heavy feeling settled in my chest, one I couldn’t shake no matter how hard I tried to breathe through it. My instincts told me to get up, check around, maybe get some water to calm my nerves. So, I did.

As I walked down the hallway, I heard something—no, someone—moving around in Jane’s room. I paused, my hand hovering over the doorknob. My mind raced with all the possibilities: Was she sick? In trouble? Or was I just being paranoid?

I knocked softly, just in case. “Jane? You okay?”

There was a pause, a silence that seemed to stretch on forever. Then, the door creaked open, and I found myself face-to-face with Jane. Her normally neat, dark hair was tousled, and her piercing blue eyes had a sharp edge to them that I hadn’t seen before. She looked… different. Dangerous.

“Couldn’t sleep?” she asked, her voice smooth but with an undercurrent of something I couldn’t quite place.

I nodded, feeling more foolish by the second. “Yeah, just… I thought I heard something.”

Jane’s lips curled into a small smile, though it didn’t reach her eyes. “Don’t worry. Everything’s fine.”

It should have reassured me, but it didn’t. Instead, I felt a shiver run down my spine. There was something in her tone, something that told me she wasn’t just talking about my restless night.

“Maybe you should go back to bed,” Jane suggested, her hand still on the door, half-closed as if she was waiting for me to leave.

I nodded again, taking the hint. “Yeah… yeah, I’ll do that. Night, Jane.”

“Goodnight,” she replied, watching me as I backed away.

I returned to my room, but sleep wouldn’t come. My mind was stuck on that look in Jane’s eyes, that slight smile that seemed to hide something far more sinister. I couldn’t shake the feeling that I was missing something—something important.

A few days later, I noticed Jane was on edge. She was more closer than usual, her eyes constantly darting around as if she was expecting something—or someone. I wanted to ask, to dig deeper, but the memory of that night stopped me. Maybe it was better not to know.

I came home from work one evening, the sun just beginning to dip below the horizon. The house was eerily quiet. I called out for Jane, but there was no response. My heart pounded as I walked through the house, the silence heavy around me.

When I reached the living room, I froze. There, sitting on the coffee table, was a knife. Its blade gleamed under the dim light, stained with something dark. Next to it was a note, written in neat, precise handwriting.

“It’s done. You’re safe now.”

My hands trembled as I picked up the note, my eyes scanning it over and over, trying to make sense of it. My mind raced with a thousand questions, but before I could even begin to process them, the front door creaked open.

I spun around to find Jane standing in the doorway, her expression unreadable. Her clothes were slightly disheveled, and there was a smudge of blood on her cheek.

“jane…” I started, my voice barely a whisper. “what happened...?! are you alright!?” i rushed over to her, examining her pale skin, wanting to make sure she was okay...it wasn't her blood on her "jane...? w-what did you do..?" i stepped back, scared

Jane took a step forward, her gaze locking onto mine. “He was dangerous...I couldn’t let anything happen...not to you...”

The weight of her words crashed over me like a wave. “You… killed someone?”

Jane didn’t answer, but she didn’t need to. The look in her eyes, the tenseness of her jaw—it told me everything I needed to know.

My breath caught in my throat. Part of me wanted to run, to get as far away from her as possible. But another part, the part that had always trusted Jane, held me in place.

“You’re safe,” she repeated, her voice softer now, almost gentle. “I promise.”

I didn’t know what to say, what to think. My mind was a whirlwind of fear, confusion, and something else—gratitude. Jane had saved my life, but at what cost?

She stepped closer, her hand reaching out to brush a stray strand of hair behind my ear. “You don’t need to worry about him anymore.”

I looked into her eyes, searching for the woman I thought I knew, the quiet, dependable roommate. But all I saw was someone else—someone who had taken on the darkness to protect me.

“I… I don’t know what to say,” I finally managed, my voice trembling.

“You don’t have to say anything,” Jane replied, her hand lingering by my cheek before she pulled away. “Just trust me. I’ll always protect you...you're mine"

And for the first time since that night, I believed her.

I didn’t know who—or what—Jane really was, but I knew one thing for sure: I was safe with her. Even if it meant living in the shadows, surrounded by secrets and danger, I knew Jane would always have my back; And somehow, that was enough.

#jane the killer #jane the killer x reader #jane the killer creepypasta #jane richardson #i love women #og ver #the better version #jane arkensaw #jane x reader #lesbians unite

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graysongraysoff · 4 months

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as we inch ever closer to pride i am once again thinking about how the great tumblr ace discourse of 2015-2016 has inhibited my exploration of my own sexuality and continues to do so to this day despite my own best efforts and my work with my therapist, who literally specializes in queer sexuality.

like, this isn't to say that i haven't made any progress. on the contrary, my therapist praised me yesterday for being so much more open to exploration and learning things about myself than i was at this time last year; for putting myself out there on hinge as a way of figuring out what i'm looking for in a potential partner; for taking a more analytical look at crushes i've had in the past and crushes i have at present (aforementioned youtuber, for example), as well as crushes i don't have despite my best efforts, to see what they can tell me about what i find attractive and what i should seek out; for reading books she's recommended me on sexuality (i've been listening to the audiobook for mating in captivity by esther perel recently bc the hold i placed on it came through on libby a couple weeks ago lol) and thoughtfully sorting through them for things i find helpful or that i think apply to me. like, progress is being made.

but still, for every step forward i take in this area i feel this apprehension when it comes to discussing it with literally anyone other than my therapist (unless, of course, it's in a long-ass post like this filled with backstory and qualification), because i can't escape the worry in the back of my mind of "not being ace enough." try as i might i still can't shake the fear that if i admit to even my closest friends that i am open to the prospect of having a sexual partner, that there are things i find sexy even if most explicit content squicks me out, that i can in fact (gasp) be turned on - if i admit to any of these things i become one of those people who is actually just straight but identifies as ace because they want so badly to fall under the queer umbrella, because they want so badly to claim oppression and struggle that does not, in fact, belong to them. even though i know in my brain that sexuality is fluid and that it can and does change over time, when i so much as consider the possibility that maybe i am straight or bi now (i don't think i actually am, but sometimes when i'm in these spirals i consider it) - that maybe over the last ten years or so the asexuality of my twenties has morphed into this sort of tentative straightness or bi-ness for my thirties, i worry that people will think i have been lying, to them and to myself, up until now. i worry that my friends will be annoyed or frustrated with me when i bitch about people not tagging nsfw content or fandom twitter being "just straight-up pornography all the time" in public posts and then send them a dm about a piece of fanart that i find titillating or write something a little spicy or participate in a bit of erp.

i am so, so afraid of being seen as a hypocrite, and i don't know how to quell that fear.

i'm thinking about all of this now because i was listening to mating in captivity on my commute to work this morning and it was talking about how difficult it is to talk about sex and sexuality after being raised in a society where you're supposed to keep that part of yourself rigidly private, because of course that's true for everyone who was raised to think of sex as dirty and private and shameful, but sometimes it feels doubly true for me, someone who has cultivated an image of herself as a bit of a prudey asexual. i block nsfw tags, i mute nsfw discord channels, the vast majority of nsfw fanart and fanfic makes me extremely uncomfortable so i try not to engage with it and i do what i can to limit my exposure to it. i often feel alienated in online fandom spaces where it often feels like everything is about shipping and horny-posting all the goddamn time. and with all of that in mind i feel like whenever i do have a less-than-"wholesome" reaction to something, my friends, who know me as a prudey ace, are rolling their eyes at me behind my back. and i can't help but think that i might not struggle so hard with these feelings if not for the "fake ace" discourse that happened right as i was becoming comfortable with identifying as ace myself.

i don't have a nice conclusion to wrap this all up in, lol. i guess it's just frustrating that, even as i explore and learn more about myself and my sexuality, i find it so hard to even casually bring up with even my closest friends because this perceived stigma of "fake asexuality" still clings to me so tightly. it's frustrating that i still have such a hard time feeling "proud" of being ace because part of me is still so convinced i'm a fake.

#and the ace representation that DOES exist in both fandom and queer media does not help any of this in the slightest but #lol that's a rant for another day #asexuality #acephobia #aphobia #negativity cw #long post

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sysmedsaresexist · 1 year

Note

Tbh I used to consider myself endo-neutral but looking at plural-related tags on here pushes me more and more anti-endo by the day, even though I have nothing against individual endos so much as the culture(?) that I keep seeing surrounding it. At first I just blocked people who frequently posted misinfo, but there's too much of it to block everybody.

Anyways today I saw a post in one of those tags in which the person's DNI includes to DNI if you "Think that faking a disorder is bad." This person also identifies as, wait for it, *transramcoa.* Meaning did not experience RAMCOA but... thinks they should have?

I made the mistake of looking at their blog to see if they were trolling (I really hope so) and had to stop when they started talking about "consensual abuse" so as to "transition" to being traumatized...

I think that's enough internet for me today 😭😭😭

Ohh the "transramcoa" thing is 99.9% trolling. No one genuinely identifies as that unless they're seriously confused and needing professional help. Just block and ignore those people because you won't ever know which one it is.

Those sorts of people post stuff like that because they're genuinely IRL creeps who take to posting inflammatory stuff online because they want to get a reaction out of people. Unfortunately, some of these people specifically target trauma survivors because they feel like they get more frequent and large reactions out of us. It's them abusing our mental disorder, basically. They take pleasure in it.

There are absolutely trolls in pro-endo spaces, like there are trolls in any space. They're not the majority, they're just very loud and obnoxious. You feel like you see them more because they purposefully cross boundaries, they don't respect spaces they don't belong in, and they want to post the most batshit stuff in order to get a reaction.

I participate in a lot of plural spaces and you don't see that kind of behavior. Most of them just want to live their lives and are respectful. They listen. They don't like the bullshit that trolls post either, and they don't support the ableism or misinformation. Some of them are misinformed, but that goes the same for even CDD spaces. Most of them are responsive to gentle correction. They also don't go barging into CDD spaces either, which is why you don't see them as often. Because they're literally just minding their own business, unlike the trolls.

Like, I cannot emphasize enough that the majority of loud, purposefully inflammatory pro-endos you see in syscourse aren't liked by the majority of the plural community. We steer clear from them, while other trolls flock to them. So, block block block!!!

#mod robo #syscourse

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thefallennightmare · 11 months

Text

Miracle-thirteen

Pairings: Noah Sebastian x Reader

Warnings/Tropes: forced proximity, slight enemies to lovers, slow burn, smut, angst, fluff, mentions of death, and swearing.

Author Note: Y'all are in for a huge mind fuck in this one.

Tags: @ada-clarence @nonamessblog @thescarlettvvitch @malice-ov-mercy @crimson-calligraphyx @theoneandonlykymberlee @yumikitten @blackveilomens @cherrymedicine13 @thebadchic @notmaddihealy @jay02bo @beaker1636 @jakekiszkasguitarpick @punk-pr1ncessxoxo @er3nslovergirl @iamdesolate @lma1986 @jessitpwk @themodern-daywednesday @writethrough @bngurngheart @dreams-that-are-anwsered @loeytuan98 @omens-in-reverse @loverofagoodbeard @jay02bo @niicoleleigh

This can't be. This is so fucked up. Did he know? Why wouldn't he say something?

My good knee bounced in agitation as I sat in the living area of the tour bus, waiting for the guys to finish up the show. With how much pain I was in any time I walked, Noah told me to rest tonight and not worry about working. I, of course, tried to fight it but when the rest of the guys sided with Noah, I retreated to the bus with a pout. I had the option to hang out on the stage to watch the show but with what I found out from my little internet search, the idea of solace was something I desperately needed. After Noah helped me get comfortable on the bus, he left me with a kiss and a promise he'll be back as soon as the show ended.

I wanted to tell him not to rush because I needed more time to think of how I was going to tell him about my mom especially after what I found out. It wasn't like I could ask my mom about it and asking my dad was obviously a dead end, pun intended.

Well, the man who I thought was my dad.

It wasn't much of an extensive search as I looked up Lincoln, whose last name ended up being Boyle since a Lincoln Keoghan didn't exist. Lincoln Boyle lived in the same state my mom did about twenty-five years ago, right before I was conceived. The internet searched gave me previous address' of his and one of them was right next door to the house I lived in the first few years of my life.

So we were neighbors. Maybe that's why my mom kept remembering him. But there wasn't a photo of him anywhere online which made me pause my research for a little while. Then the thought of who my mom thought Folio was came to mind. She thought he was Jonathan, her husband. According to her, he wasn't welcomed home anymore, and I wasn't his daughter."

I rubbed my tired eyes with a long sigh. "None of this makes sense."

Then a thought hit me like a freight train. I had brought some things from home before coming to the venue tonight, old pictures and photo books. I salvaged the ones my mom didn't destroy and fearing she would while I was gone; I brought them with me. I quickly texted Folio since he wasn't on the bus yet. I knew the show ended because there was a growing group of fans hanging around the metal barricade.

Hey, are my bags from home still in the green room?

A few minutes passed before he responded.

No, someone brought them onto the bus awhile ago. I think they're on the undercarriage.-Folio.

"Shit," I muttered.

I had help to come up the stairs of the bus and even that was difficult. How would I do it by myself?

Don't even think about grabbing them. What do you need?-Folio.

Rolling my eyes, I told him what I needed.

I'll be there in a few. Noah was on his way to you but got held up by some fans outside.-Folio.

I set my phone aside and looked out the window behind me to see Noah talking with the fans and posing for a few pictures. Even if he was smiling and nodding along, I knew he was rushing to get to the bus. He was dressed out of his stage gear to a black t-shirt and a pair of black joggers. Almost as if he felt me watching, Noah turned to the bus and gave me a small wave when he saw me. In return, I smiled before hearing Folio ascended up the stairs of the bus with three different photo albums.

"I wasn't sure which one you needed so I brought all of them," he said while handing them to me.

"Thanks," I automatically knew which one so I set the other two aside.

Folio raised a brow as he sat next to me. "What are you looking for?"

"My mom kept rambling about this guy Lincoln and- I started to explain.

"Johnathan," he cut me off. "She thought I was?"

I briefly looked at him while nodding. "My dad."

Folio let out a low whistle. "You heard what she said, right?"

I had been flipping through the pages when I stopped at his words and let out a breath. "About me not being my dads? Yeah. Trust me, my mind is completely fucked up right now especially after what I found out."

Noticing the look on his face, I filled him in on what I found during my internet research all while continuing to flip through the photo album. While I never looked through this one before, I knew it had pictures of me within my first year of life and as I was reaching the end, I almost gave up hope when my heart sank to the pits of my stomach as I froze. My eyes immediately landed on a picture of my parents and me with a man I'd never seen before. We were all sitting on the couch in our living room. I was on my moms lap, who was sitting in between my dad and the other man. The look on my dad's face showed one emotion; rage.

"Who's that?" Folio asked.

Shrugging, I pulled out the photo and turned it over, hoping they wrote something on the back. Over the years when I looked at the picture, I noticed my mom always described what was going on in the picture. I never thought much of it until recently when I realized she did it because she knew eventually, her brain would forget.

September '98. Me, Johnathan, Y/N, and Lincoln Boyle. I told Johnathan about the affair and about Y/N.

I gasped, finally having a face to the name.

"That's Lincoln," I muttered.

Folio hesitated, unsure how to tread with his question. "Do you think he's your real dad?"

Ignoring him, I placed the picture back into the book before flipping through a few more pages, the pictures only showing either me alone or with Jonathan. Until at the very last page, there was only one picture. My mom, Jonathan, and me standing in front of the house I currently live in; the one where I grew up.

October 23 '99. Y/N's birthday. Jonathan, Y/N, and I in front of our new house. I just came back to them after leaving them for Lincoln. Johnathan said he would only allow me back into Y/N's life if I leave Lincoln behind. Even though Y/N isn't his, Jonathan did a great job raising her the last year. I hope she can forgive me when she's older and knows the truth. James would love to meet her.

Forcing the picture back into the book, I slammed it shut before letting it fall to the floor. Anger radiated throughout every cell of my body as darkness took over my vision.

My own fucking mother left me behind to go be with a man she had an affair with. The same man that was my real dad?

"Y/N?" Folio's voice was soft, not knowing if I would explode any second.

I did, and it was intense.

"What kind of mother leaves their own child behind for some guy?!" I bellowed while raising to my feet. "She missed my first birthday! And who knows what else? Why did she come back? Who the fuck is James?!"

Tears burned in my eyes and I furiously wiped them away. Everything about the last twenty-four hours had been incredibly draining and mentally, I was exhausted.

Folio sat on the couch in front of me. "Didn't she say she only had a son, named James?"

I blinked slowly as his words sunk in and the ones I read on the second picture flashed in my mind like a bright neon sign.

James would love to meet her.

"You think James, if he exists, that he's my brother?" My words came out slowly, almost as if I was trying to process it.

Folio ran a hand through his hair. "According to the pictures, your mom disappeared for a year. Plenty of time to have another kid."

I looked back through the photo album to that picture and now getting a good look at it, I could faintly make out my mom's round stomach. I wasn't an expert, but I'd have to guess she had to be at least five months along in this photo.

So did she make Jonathan believe it was his until he found out the truth? Both kids in their marriage was out of wedlock.

I chuckled darkly when my heart shattered, pieces falling into my stomach. The pain was too much. Finding out the truth about my past had broken all of my trust with my mom.

"She left me behind to go have another family with Lincoln," I said sadly with my eyes cast down at the picture before slowly looking up at Folio. "Why didn't she take me with her?"

That's what hurt the most. My mom left me behind with the man who still raised me as his own after knowing the truth. But Lincoln was my actual dad; did he not want me? She left me behind for a year to start a family with someone else but why did she come crawling back?

Folio went to reach for me when he noticed I was seconds away from a breakdown but I smacked his hand away, the sound echoing throughout the bus.

I scoffed. "The worst part about this entire thing? I can't even fucking ask her about any of it because she doesn't remember a single fucking thing!"

Grabbing the rest of the photo albums, I walked over to the trash can that was hidden under the kitchen sink and tossed them inside. I was so angry that the pain in my knee was forgotten as I gritted my teeth together and stomped over to my phone. Folio must have known what I was about to do because he snatched it right before.

"Folio, give me my phone."

He shook his head. "You said it yourself, Y/N. Your mom can't remember anything. It'd be a waste to get answers from her."

A muscle in my jaw tense as I clenched it, not wanting to turn my anger onto Folio when he didn't deserve it. Suddenly, my phone rang in his hand and when he showed me the screen, Lana was calling me. It was late, almost eleven, but not uncommon for her to call me around this time. However, I was in no mood to talk. To anyone.

I ignored the call and gripped the phone tight in my hand, not missing the look on Folio's face.

"It could be about your mom," he said.

"Fuck her!" I spat; venom laced with every word. "I'm done giving a shit about her or her disease. She lied about my entire life. How do I know she's not lying about her Alzheimer's?"

Alright, I knew she was actually sick, medical proof. But that did nothing to calm the rage within my mind.

"I know you're angry-."

"Angry?!" I snapped. "I'm fucking furious, Folio! She lied to me my entire life. She had every opportunity to tell me the truth before she got sick but she probably thought she was off the hook now. You have no idea the mental load taking care of her this last year was like. When I wasn't working, I was home with her watching her like a hawk so she didn't hurt herself or wander into someone's yard. The night before I left for this tour, I found her standing outside almost naked. I had no idea how long she was out there for and I felt so guilty for letting that happen."

"I did all of that for her no questions asked and rarely complained because she was my mother. And what do I get in thanks? I find out that my dad isn't actually my dad, she left me for a fucking year to start a family with my real dad only for her to ditch him and their son together, who could very well be my brother, before crawling back to us? There's all these questions that I'll never know the answers to because my mom can't remember, Jonathan is dead, there hasn't been a trace of Lincoln anywhere and I don't know if I have the energy to look up James."

Tears were streaming down my face now and I choked out a sob. "I'm so fucking exhausted, Folio. Every time something good happens in my life, I get tossed a shit hand and I have to deal with the outcome alone."

Folio shook his head while standing to his feet. "You're not alone. You've got all of us, especially Noah."

"Noah's too good for me. He doesn't need this train wreck for a girlfriend," I cried.

"Why don't you let me decide that angel?"

Whirling around at the deep voice, I saw Noah standing at the top of the stairs that led up to the bus. His arms were crossed over his broad chest and his lips were pulled tight in a slight frown. He was clearly upset with what he heard but I wasn't sure how much he heard.

"H-ho-w long have you been standing there?" I stammered.

"Since you ignored that phone call," he nodded towards the phone clutched in my hand.

Shit. Mother fucker.

He heard everything.

My lips mimicked a fish out of water as I tried to gather words to say but nothing came out. Thankfully, Folio could feel the sudden tension and spoke for me.

"So you heard everything?"

"Yeah," he nodded. "How long have you known?"

There was a slight edge to Noah's voice, and I adverted my gaze from him, feeling guilty that my decision about whom to confide in was causing a rift between Noah and Folio. This was the last thing I wanted since they were friends long before I came into the picture.

I wasn't worth losing a good friend over.

"He's only known since last night," I spoke up finally finding my voice.

Noah's eyes snapped over to me. "Right, because you called him."

Now I was on the receiving end of his attitude and frankly, I wasn't too keen about it.

I narrowed my eyes at him. "Because you didn't answer. I thought we moved past this."

"It seems like every time I find you lately, you're with him," Noah dropped his hands to his sides.

Folio went to say something, but I held up a hand to stop him. The anger that I felt about my mom was now intensifying thanks to Noah's accusatory words.

"Kind of hard not to be around Folio when I work for you guys. There's a simple fix for that; fire me," I said.

Noah's jaw ticked. "No."

I shrugged, the tears now drying to my cheeks. "It's for the best, Noah. I don't want to be the reason you two fight. Folio and I are just friends."

"Man, I'd never do that to you," Folio spoke next. "I know how crazy you are about her. You have been since that first time Davis introduced her to us."

"I'm sorry. I don't mean to be a jealous asshole but I want to be the one you come to with these things, angel," Noah reached for me.

I, however, took a step away from him with a new set of tears brimming in my eyes.

"I think it'll be best for everyone if maybe we ended things before we get too involved."

Noah's face fell. "Angel."

Another step away from him. "You heard what I'm going through. The last thing I need right now is a relationship."

"So, you're going to end this because things got too hard for you to deal with?" he snapped.

"I don't expect you to understand, Noah," my voice wavered. "I wanted this to work, believe me. But I'm not in the right headspace right now. Maybe in the future-."

"Don't fucking bother," Noah spat as he pushed passed me to the bunk area of the bus.

Sniffling, I wiped away the tears and gave a weak smile to Folio.

"For the record, I think this is a stupid idea," he pointed to where Noah was. "He'd be willing to do whatever it took to make you happy, Y/N."

"I tried to tell him that maybe down the road but he blew me off. Fuck him." I said with a bit more confidence than I was feeling.

With a defeated sigh, Folio motioned to the door of the bus.

"Come on. I'll help you grab your things. The crew bus hasn't left yet."

"Thanks Folio," I muttered.

I didn't bother to look over my shoulder but maybe if I did, I would have seen Noah go to throw something in the garbage only to end up pulling out my photo books.

#noah sebastian #noah sebastian and reader #noah sebastian x reader #noah sebastian reader insert #noah sebastian smut #forced proximity #enemies to lovers #slow burn

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