#i know it’s just a blood test and i’m overreacting i just really really hate them and they always go Really badly

[the-casbah-way]

i’ve long since given up on the fantasy of an Accepting Family but i’m kind of tired of my mother pretending she’ll ‘try’ and support my transition only for her to turn around and tell me i’m making a mistake and i’m making her sad by doing it and also refusing to help me with even the tiniest things. i asked if she would drive me to my bloods appointment tomorrow because i don’t drive and i’m terrified of blood tests and i always faint afterwards so i don’t want to have to walk back home which takes over an hour. and she said no even though she’s not busy with anything else and it’s a short drive. she just doesn’t want to. and i’m not trying to act like a spoilt bitch who expects to get chauffeured everywhere but i would rather she stop pretending to be ‘trying’ when she doesn’t actually act like it at all

[nowoyas]

Edible Arrangements: Seventeenth Bite: A Talk with Tenya

First - Prev - Next - M.List - Ao3

A/N: NaNoWriMo has come to a close, and now I have 50468 words of Edible Arrangements to make myself like enough to post. stay tuned, folks. we’re gettin’ wild now.

Chapter Summary: It’s once again time for lunch with your friends. You have an argument to smooth over first, though.

Warnings: blood, biting, assault

Word Count: 2800+

The appointed meeting place finds you just the way you expect it to, save for a single detail.

The small, secluded area is hidden just around the corner of the KUC, surrounded by a myriad of fruit trees that all but completely conceal the footpath to the center. Depending on the time of day, it’s rare to see more than one or two other students at the heart of the grove, even more rare to see non-art students around the clearing. At one end, beneath the willow tree, a swinging bench sways in the breeze, half-broken—Tenya sits on the broken side with the messed up arm, eyes on a book in his lap, which he closes as you approach.

Damn. You’d hoped you’d be early enough to beat him. His expression is carefully neutral as he watches you.

Neutral on Tenya has always looked a little scary.

"Hey," you greet tentatively. "How are you?"

"I'm doing well," he answers slowly, testing the waters. "How are you?"

You take the open seat beside him, propping your bag up against one of the bench’s wooden posts. "I'm okay. I've been doing really well at keeping up with my course load, and I've been a lot less anxious the longer I live with Izuku."

It's a bad way to put it, and maybe you're just getting in the tiniest last bit of pettiness about the situation, but it's the truth. You've been doing a lot better since Izuku entered your life. (Maybe you just want Tenya to know that.)

He nods. "I see. That's good. He's being good to you?"

"Why are you talking like you're my ex asking me about my new boyfriend?"

"I just..." He sighs. "I want you to be safe and happy. You're a good friend, and..."

Well, there's an opening if you've ever seen one. You take a few controlled breaths before you speak. "If I'm really gonna be a good friend, then I'm gonna do the communication thing now."

He patiently awaits for you to continue.

"I'm sorry for cussing you out. I completely overreacted to the situation. I still think that the way you've been acting was out of line, but that doesn't make my response right or justified, especially not in a public space. I understand if you're mad at me, but I'm also not willing to let go of my stance on this. I'd like it if we could move past this and you could respect my decisions."

Tenya's frown deepens. "I hate that you're the one apologizing to me first. And I have to admit, I wasn't expecting an apology. I... thank you. I accept your apology. As for the issue with Izuku... I hope you understand that I'm just trying to protect you. I'm sorry that I overstepped in my attempts to keep you safe. You... didn't say a lot wrong, as much as I hate to say it."

"That doesn't make it right," you frown. "Still, I'm glad you forgive me."

"I hope you can forgive me, too. I still don't necessarily trust or like him, but... It's not fair of me to not at least respect your decision to trust him. Please tell me if anything goes wrong with him, and I swear—"

"I will. Thank you for worrying, Tenya. And thank you for apologizing."

He nods. "Of course. You're... a dear friend, [name]. I'd hate to lose you."

Your legs swing slowly as you think. "I'd hate to lose you, too."

There's a long moment of silence, filled by the whirring of your own mind as you recall the last time the two of you spoke. "...can I ask you something?"

"Of course. What is it?"

"Is there any way I'd be able to tell if I were enthralled?"

He flinches a little. "Do you think Izuku..."

You shake your head. "No, no, not him. I asked, and he said he'd never once enthralled someone on purpose, and he's been feeding from my neck, so he couldn't have, anyway. And my quirk confirmed all of that."

"So why are you asking?" He eyes you carefully.

You shrug. "I mean, I wanna know, right? It seems useful."

"Well, other than noticing that someone is acting in a way that doesn't make sense and doesn't have a clear explanation, the only clear indicator would be whether you have a thrall mark. The place where you're bit when you're enthralled won't ever fade. If you have bite marks anywhere that won't fade, you're either a vampire or a vampire's thrall."

"Bite marks that don't fade..." You hum. "So if I don't see anything like that on me, I'm safe?"

He shakes his head. "Not necessarily. You probably won't be able to see the marks directly. Most of the time, the thrall physically can't register that the marks are there."

"So, I'd need someone else to point them out and tell me I've been enthralled?"

He nods.

"...are you so worried about me because..." Your words catch in your throat. "...is there reason to believe I've been enthralled?"

Tenya's skin glows faint in his silence. As though he senses your distaste at his intention, he stares up at the sky and heaves a heavy breath. "...I know you have been."

"...I've been enthralled." The words ring hollow in your chest. Tenya nods. "...who..."

"It wasn't Izuku. You can trust him on that much. But..."

"So I have marks?"

He nods. "Your wrist."

You hold your wrists out in front of you, looking at them but not seeing. "Where?"

He turns, grabs your arm tentatively and turns it so you can see the inner part of your wrist. The skin there is smooth, almost too perfect. His fingers smooth, gently, too gently, over a patch of skin around the same size as the marks that litter your neck. The only difference is there's no visual to the places he's touching—just smooth skin. You can almost feel his fingertips move with ridges you can't see, but there's nothing there, nothing at all.

Your head hurts.

"I don't remember ever letting a vampire bite me there." The words don't sound like yours, but yours they are.

"You wouldn't," Tenya responds. "Whoever did this wiped your memory of the event."

"Do you think it's common vampire knowledge that a thrall is going to have a mark like a turning mark somewhere on their body?"

"I can't see how any vampire wouldn't know, unless they were fledglings or had never once enthralled someone."

Dimly, you're aware that he's telling the truth. Your stomach somersaults, your heart drops.

Another thought occurs to you.

"What about any potential hunters? Would they be able to tell?"

He shakes his head. "I don't know. I suppose it would depend on the hunter."

You're starting to realize what Izuku has been hiding from you. "So what you're saying is, at minimum, Izuku has almost certainly known that someone enthralled me this entire time and just never brought it up. And my presentation partner, too, who flat out told me he was a vampire from the start."

"That's probably the case. Do you know for sure that this partner of yours hasn't...?"

You shake your head. "I mean, I hadn't thought to ask him, but... I... I'd thought we were starting to become friends. Why didn't either of them ever... Oh fuck." Your mouth runs dry as you come to a realization. "They've both been acting weird around me and around each other. I don't... I don't know why Hitoshi would need to enthrall me with his quirk, so I don't really think it's him, but..."

You feel a little dizzy.

"Heyyy!" a voice calls as its owner enters the clearing. Mina and Tsuyu have arrived with their food—upon the sight of your face, Mina's bouncing drops to a more muted walk. "Woah, [name], you're not looking too good right now. Everything alright?"

You nod even as your heart threatens to leap out of your throat. You have too many questions to even speak anymore—who enthralled you? Why? What did they do to you that you're not remembering? How long have you been living some sort of... incomplete life?

You meet Mina's eyes. "Are there bite marks on my wrist?"

She stares blankly. "Are you talking about those scars on your wrist? You've had those for like, years now."

No lies. Your head screams at you. You turn to Tsuyu. "Are there bite marks on my wrist?"

She nods. "Like Mina said, you've had those scars for a while. Are you still pretending like they're not there, kero?"

"Still... pretending...?"

"When they first showed up, we asked about them and you always acted like you had no idea what we were talking about."

Your brain cells strike off each other like damp matches off sandpaper, trying and failing to make the connection as Tsuyu doesn't say a word of a lie. Your eyes fall back to where Tenya had run his fingers, and now, you bring your own there, feeling the texture intently.

"More importantly, how are you two..."

"Oh," you reply, distant, "Tenya and I talked. We've come to an agreement."

Tenya appears stricken as he lays a hand on your back in an attempt to soothe you. "Do you need a moment?"

Your mind wanders. Do you need a moment? Will only a moment help? How can a moment do anything for you when... whatever this is has been functioning just fine for years?

"[name]?"

You must nod, because Tenya helps you up and guides you away from the girls, whispering smooth, soothing words to you.

"Why have you never done anything?" you whisper, broken. "You knew. But..."

"You didn't know vampires even existed," he answers lamely. "And I tried. I've tried so hard to break you free from this, but it hasn't..."

"So there's no way to fix me."

"Oh, there's a way."

Your eyes snap up, wide, at the sound of a certain regrettably familiar voice. Neito stands, flanked by... Ibara, you think her name was, with the thorny hair. Curiously, Neito's holding a super soaker. Before you can so much as yell for Tenya to get the hell away, you've both been wound up in thorns that encase your legs and wrench your arms out as though you're being crucified.

Ibara and Neito have eyes full of hatred right now. They're softer, when they land on you, if only by a margin. You struggle against your binds, even as the thorns dig into your skin and wrap around your stomach.

"Please stop struggling," Ibara says softly. "You're going to be in enough pain when we break your thrall."

"W-what are you—"

"[name], I'll put this in easy words for you. You're being taken advantage of by this vampire. If the vampire who's enthralled you dies and the connection between you snaps, you'll be freed."

"It's not—" you begin to yelp in protest. A vine snaps up to cover your mouth painfully, scarcely letting you breathe.

The vines around your arm shift. Like this, you can no longer so much as turn your head to see Tenya, only listen to the noises as he struggles against his own bindings. He calls out, demanding answers, but Neito isn't interested in him. His cold, blue eyes are on you when he speaks.

"I must admit, your interest in protecting this vampire is amazing. If it were anyone else you were speaking to, you may have even been successful in doing so." He paces, gives the super soaker an experimental pump. Your eyes widen in horror when you realize what's in it.

That's either acid or holy water.

"If you'd known my quirk, I'd imagine that you'd have been more careful around me. Well, not that you weren't careful to begin with, but I digress."

The vines shift down your wrist, until the area you'd been staring so intently at is exposed.

"We'll start easy. We've never done this particular part before, so please bear with me if this doesn't lift your thrall. This may hurt, so do try not to scream before we're done."

Neito turns the super soaker on you.

When the water hits your exposed wrist, you scream around the vine in your mouth.

Your vision goes black.

~

Two bodies slump to the ground in a chorus of thumps. Yours, trembling and only technically conscious, whimpers on the impact. Tenya is soaked with all that remained in the super soaker after you were hit—your arm screams, cries, wails as though an invisible fire burned there, but all you can think about is Tenya's unconscious form. He's breathing, but only just.

Call Izuku, you're desperate to tell your friends when they burst from the nearby trees and rush up to you. Call Izuku now.

You manage a few short words. "Izuku—campus—emergency," you choke out, pulling Tenya close to you with weak arms. You hadn't even noticed that your assaulters had fled. At some point, you produce your phone and shove it at Mina, who's trying hard not to panic even as you insist upon Izuku rather than anything else.

You don't even notice Izuku's arrival until you're being cradled against a familiar chest. With him, Hitoshi, and if you were more coherent, you'd question why.

Any explanation you attempt to give is useless at best for Mina and Tsuyu, though Hitoshi and Izuku both flinch when the word 'hunters' leaves your mouth between gasps for air. Izuku's eyes dart to Tenya's listless form, and suddenly he understands why the man is still.

He's dying.

Izuku's mind races with possibilities. If Tenya was attacked by vampire hunters, and they succeeded, then there's a small chance he's still alive... He carefully moves you off his lap, cooing words of comfort to you with the promise of returning once he's made sure your friend is okay. You nod, your breathing fine for now, and Hitoshi takes you to walk you through calming down.

With you handled for now (although he doesn't feel great about letting you go when you're whimpering and in pain), he crouches beside Tenya and gingerly and methodically checks the vampire before him, moving just as quickly as he safely can. Tenya's pulse is weak—normal for a vampire, if not a bit faster than usual. What's concerning to him is how every new beat seems just a touch fainter than the last, coupled with staggered, stuttering gasps. He's not sure whether to be thankful that he's breathing or concerned at the quality of it—more importantly, breath means he's still alive. There's still time.

"Clear the area," Izuku orders to Hitoshi, who just so happens to be the closest person to him. "There's still time to save him, but I need space and privacy. Make sure there's no ambulance called and no one's close enough to see anything."

"What about [name]? I don't think they're going to take very well to being moved right now."

Izuku shakes his head. "Absolutely not. [name] of all people doesn't need to see this."

Hitoshi nods and sets to work. As Hitoshi "convinces" everyone nearby to get the fuck away, Izuku sets about removing Tenya's shirt to see the extent of the damage. With the shirt removed, the source and extent of the damage is more than clear—on his wrist, where once there had surely been a set of faded bite marks (rougher than any of those he's seen on you, based on how they look now) no more noticeable than any other scar, there now glares four angry slashes, surrounded by red tendrils that swirl around their source the way clouds surround a hurricane. Before his eyes, they crawl, covering his hand and travelling up the man's now bare arm, already beginning to lick at his chest. As Izuku watches for what must be only a moment, still they spread, further, further, until Izuku does the only thing that comes to mind.

He dabs the area of his arm dry with the clean edges of Tenya's discarded shirt, careful not to spread any of the cause of the pain (he thinks you said something about water, though he's not sure and doesn't have the luxury of calming you down to confirm). He brings his own wrist to Tenya's mouth—he's just barely conscious, but doesn't quite have the mental presence to take the cue. Izuku's wrist rests between Tenya's fangs, not enough to draw blood, so Izuku takes the next best route.

He takes Tenya's unharmed wrist into his mouth until he tastes blood, and then, only then, does he slam the heel of his palm into Tenya's chin, forcing the teeth to break the skin. The moment Izuku's blood enters Tenya's mouth, he stills, breathing beginning to slow. Once Izuku's confirmed that he's unconscious, he wipes the blood from his lips and sets about cleaning up.

There's nothing more he can do for Tenya. All that's left is to get the both of you somewhere safe and take a look at you.

Tags: @tooloudarts​ @sapid-rose​ @xxangelpridexx​ @birds-have-teeth​ @icythotsenpai​ @warmchoccymilk​ @lirinstaalem​ @izoodles​ @fujimoribaby​ @my-bnha-things​ @denise-the-death-goddess​ @themerpenguin​ @sincerelybubbles​ @fudobaby​ @imabootywarrior​ @venusianpink​ @chickynn​ @kingdomofmushrooms​ @vinumumbra​ @the-secret-thief​ @lianatriestosurvive​ @kc-korra​ @kiliakit​ @hay-leeeah​ @meowkid1000​ @mha-baku-todo-deku-kiri​ @jojo-buttercup​ @starfishlovingbnha​ @neomuxuxi​ @lollawindsay​ @mrsreina​ @anime-simps-blog​ @wwwwyamd​ @omiwashere​ @emilytheeggy​ @subwayslander​ @thelittle-witch​ @sparkexplosive​ @shoutaaizawas​ @vanilladyfics​ @keigogh​ @stargazerunlimited​ @galaxybuns

[spookyboywhump]

Alright Andrew. His whumpee. Didn’t think I’d get it finished but here we are

CW: pet whump, dehumanization, starvation, sleep deprivation, “it” as a pronoun, Young whumpee (18)

***

Rae gripped the edge of the table he was sitting on, blinking tiredly as he looked around the examination room. He felt as though he were swaying, as though the room were tilting, and he focused all his energy into staying upright. He looked up when a man entered the room, he assumed this was the doctor his owner had told him about, he seemed pretty upset about having to bring him. Rae would have to make up for that later, he realized.

“Alright- your owner didn’t actually tell me what’s wrong,” He started, “So I was hoping you could tell me.”

“I Uh, I passed out…” He murmured, reaching up and rubbing his eyes. “I think I hit my head…”

“You did.” The man said bluntly, and he reached his hand up, realizing there was blood dried on his forehead. He winced as another pang of hunger hit him, wrapping his arms around his middle and doubling over. The doctor sighed, as though he already knew the issue. “When was the last time you ate?” He asked, and Rae whimpered.

“Um… I don’t… know…” He said softly.

“And the last time you slept?”

“When I passed out-“

“Before that.” He sighed again.

“It was… a day ago maybe…?” He really didn’t know, his days often blurred together. His face was heating up, he didn’t know why he felt so embarrassed over this. It was only what his owner wanted, and what Mr. Harfield wanted was more important than anything else. At least, he was pretty sure that was the case.

He sat there and tiredly watched the man, trying not to fall asleep again. Apparently the only real injury was to his head, and he thought that maybe coming all the way here was an overreaction on his owner’s part. At the same time though, it did make him happy to know he cared enough to do this. He stayed as still as he could when his hair was pushed back, the man cleaning the blood off his face for him.

“The only thing really wrong is that your owner needs to take better care of you.” He said, and Rae frowned, leaning away.

“He- he takes good care of me, sir, I promise…” He murmured. “He brought me here, be-because he’s worried, and wants- he wants me to be okay…”

“I’m sure he does.” He said, not sounding sure at all. He asked Rae to stay still while he finished checking him over, shining a light in his eyes and asking him questions that he couldn’t quite make sense of. By the end of it he just wanted to go home, even more withdrawn than he was when Mr. Harfield had brought him in. The man was giving him an odd look, as though trying to figure something out, before asking, “I just need to know- how old are you?”

“Twenty.” He blurted out, the question catching him off guard. He wondered if this was a test from his owner, he’d been told time and time again, “If anybody asks, you’re twenty years old”. He didn’t understand what it mattered, but the doctor didn’t seem satisfied with his answer, something that made him nervous. “I’m twenty years old…”

“No you’re not.” He said, even further confusing Rae. He couldn’t think clearly enough for this, anxiously glancing around the room. He didn’t know if insisting he was would get him in trouble for lying, but he also didn’t know if Mr. Harfield would punish him for telling the truth. The man seemed to guess what he was worried about, because he said, “You’re allowed to tell me the truth. He doesn’t have to know.”

“...Promise…?”

“I promise.”

“I-I… um, I’m eighteen…” He murmured, immediately freezing up when he saw a flash of anger across the man’s face. It passed quickly though, and he watched him push his glasses up, punching the bridge of his nose.

“Of course you are. Okay- stay here, I’m going to go speak to your owner-“

“Wait!” He cried, his eyes wide. He practically fell off the table, falling to his knees in front of him, the man quickly stepping back. “No, no y-you- you promised, please, d-don’t tell him, I-“

“Hey, hey calm down,” He said, kneeling down with him, gently putting a hand on his shoulder, though Rae flinched away at the initial movement, “I’m not going to tell him what you said, I told you, I promised.” He said. “I just need to talk to him about your condition- you’re not in trouble, I swear.” He told him, and Rae took a shaky deep breath, trying to calm down.

“O-okay- okay, right, I’m, I’m not in trouble…”

“You’re not, you’ve been nothing but good for me. Just wait here.” He told him, getting to his feet, and Rae watched him leave from his spot on the floor, struggling to calm down after the initial panic. He was fine, he wasn’t in trouble, he was good. He hoped the man meant it.

***

He couldn’t send the boy back with that man. Not right away, he didn’t trust him to give him the treatment he needed, if he could just get his strength up he may feel more comfortable sending him back, but for now, he didn’t.

The blood dried on his forehead wasn’t the only injury he had, there were bandages around one of his arms and fresh and faded bruises on his face, his neck, and likely more of him. He was pale, he was clearly thin and underweight, and the dark circles under his eyes were nearly indistinguishable from bruises. He couldn’t save him, but he could at least let him rest, even if only for a night.

His owner hadn’t seemed too concerned when he brought him in, even now he just looked irritated as he fidgeted with his phone, waiting for an update. He looked up when Andrew came into the room, his eyebrows raised.

“Is it okay?” He asked.

“He needs to stay overnight.” He told him, unphased by the blatant dehumanization of the kid. “I just need to observe him a little while longer, is that okay?” He hated having to ask for permission from any of these people, but he knew he didn’t have a choice.

“Yeah, that’s fine.” He sighed, waving his hand dismissively. “I’ll come get it in the morning, we’ll discuss payment then.” He said, getting to his feet. “Let me know if it gives you any trouble, I’ll handle it.”

“Right.” He said, glad to get him out of there so quickly. He waited until the man had left before returning to Rae, who was still kneeling on the floor. He felt bad for not telling him he could get up before he’d left. “Alright kid, you’re going to stay here for tonight, just so I can make sure you’re alright.” He told him, and Rae nodded slowly.

“W-where is- Uh, Mr. Harfield…?”

“He’s left already. He knows you’re doing alright, and he’ll be back in the morning. If you’ll come with me, you can stay in a somewhat more comfortable room for the night.” He told him, and the boy shakily got to his feet, Andrew quickly grabbed him and kept him steady. Once he got him settled he would get him something to eat and some water, and then let him rest. It wouldn’t fix him completely, but it would at least help.

***

The boy somehow looked even younger when he was asleep, though Andrew thought that he may have been overthinking it. He couldn’t help it though, he looked so sick, and fragile, and though he didn’t look anything like him and his demeanor was so different, he reminded him of another eighteen year old, who spent far too much of his life in a similar situation.

He didn’t actually know what happened to Zander. He didn’t know what happened to Cain, even. What he knew was that he answered to Nicholas Fairfax now, and he didn’t care for that very much. He knew what to do if Cain was still there, he knew that Cain would be outraged to know this kid was here. He would support him, even help him to do something about this, but Nicholas was different, he reminded him of Cain’s father far too much for him to trust his opinion on this. There was certainly a better way to do this, but he knew that no matter what, he had to get this kid out of here.

He’d spent a lot of time thinking it over, almost distracted as he checked on his few other patients, the ones who had lost recent fights. For nearly ten years now he’d kept the specific details of his job from his wife, and he couldn’t imagine her reacting well if he brought in this strange kid, beat up and wearing a collar, and didn’t give an explanation. He could always lie, but he hated lying to her as it was, and he knew how these victims were, Rae would behave too strangely to go without an explanation. He always thought he’d take this to his grave, or at the very least, have a better plan for telling her. He didn’t like the idea of it being so last minute, but he didn’t like the idea of letting Rae go home to that man even more. He thought about his daughter, and if it was anyone other than Rae he may have been more hesitant to do this, but he didn’t believe he would’ve been capable of hurting anybody, much less a child. He’d keep an eye on them, keep them separated, rhis was only a temporary solution after all.

This is ridiculous, you can’t save him, He told himself, getting more anxious the more he thought about the idea. It wasn’t his job to save anybody from this, it was his job to keep them alive. He didn’t have any authority over these people, or their “dogs”. Once again he found himself wishing he could talk to Cain, he’d be able to do something about this, or at least he’d let Andrew do something about it. He wondered if he could get anywhere with Nicholas, but the thought of going through that process right now, he didn’t have the time, he either did something tonight while he was still there, or he let somebody else send the boy home in the morning, after he’d already returned home from being there all night long.

He came back to check on the kid later that night, he was curled up, fast asleep. He wondered how long he could even survive with that man, who was so careless he didn’t even bother to feed him. He remembered thinking about how Zander probably wouldn’t even last a year, and somehow he’d made it at least seven years. Seven years he’d survived, but seven years, maybe more, he’d lost to this place, to this kind of torment. He didn’t know what kind of irreparable damage that could do to somebody, even somebody as strong as Zander was. This kid was no Zander, he was small, timid, he had no fight in him, and when he pictured how this would turn out for him, well, it wasn’t good, and he couldn’t bring himself to do it again, to keep his mouth shut and look the other way and let him spend what could very well be the last years of his life in absolute hell.

Just before he got off his shift in the early hours of the morning, he woke Rae up, helping the disoriented boy out of bed. He was still weak, but he could fix that over time, he was going to fix things this time the way he should have before.

“Come on, kid,” He said gently, unsure if this would even register with him, “I’m going to get you out of here.” At that his eyes widened, and though Andrew prepared for him to struggle or protest, he simply slowly nodded his head, both of them understanding the simple fact he was not going back to his owner.

***

Tag List: @starnight-whump

[peachcitt]

falling, flying

a miraculous ladybug fic

for @softkwami for @mlsecretsanta

Tags: Adrien Agreste/Marinette Dupain-Cheng, Ladrien, Adrinette, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, MLB Wing Au

Summary: 

“It’s not supposed to hurt,” she said softly. “Flying, I mean. It’s not supposed to hurt.”

His jaw worked. His mouth settled on a smile. “I know.”

or

in which marinette and adrien speed toward a foreseeable end on purpose. and also a little bit on accident

read on ao3

enjoy :)

=

Marinette felt, all things considered, that this situation was not her fault. 

Granted, she was the one who threw herself into the fight without coming up with a plan, but how was that supposed to be her fault when this akuma had started making problems exactly seven minutes before her chemistry exam? She’d stayed up nearly all night cram studying (that much, she’ll admit, was her fault), and she’d be damned if she didn’t show up on time to at least get a B minus on it. So she’d barreled into the fight without Chat because she really wanted to get this all over with. She could hardly be blamed for that.

And she certainly couldn’t be blamed for the fact that she was currently speeding toward the hard cement ground right outside a posh business building in the heart of the city at terminal velocity, hands, legs, and wings bound tight.

Sure, there was that comment she’d made to the already very upset akuma about his nose, but, well.

Okay, so maybe this situation was a little bit her fault. 

But, like, that was just the nature of being a superhero.

Sometimes, you ended up speeding toward a very foreseeable end, knowing that it’s going to hurt, but not quite knowing how to avoid it. And that’s just life, too.

Not that she was going to let herself become a smear of sidewalk gum. She had her miraculous to protect, after all, and she also had this Daedalus-damn chemistry test that she was going to get a B minus on - no, screw that - a B plus on. There was also the matter of dying at the tender age of seventeen, but that existential dread didn’t touch her as she watched her pissed-off reflection follow her down, down, down on the polished windows of the building she had been thrown off of.

It’s not like she could rely on Chat to get her out of this one. Who knows when he’d show up.

She twisted around in the air, trying to maneuver her bound arms to her hip, where her yo-yo was. If she could grab it, she could summon her lucky charm, and she could stop her fall with the help of a handy-dandy polka-dotted tube of chapstick, or something.

The tips of her fingers brushed against her yo-yo, and her arms ached. Icarus above, the akuma couldn’t have tied her arms in the front of her body? At least then she wouldn’t have to try and bend her left arm at a weird angle to get around her wings.

This, as it turned out, was becoming a dire situation.

She had about ten floors to go before she would eat cement. Her left arm was cramping, and her fingers could only brush up against the feathers of her bound wings instead of anywhere near the yo-yo. She tried to stretch her wings out, test the binds, and only ended up crying out in frustrated pain.

Well. She could always aim for a clumsy rolling landing.

She squeezed her eyes shut, taking a shaking breath through her nose, and braced herself for the inevitable impact. The bitter cold air whipped past her cheeks, and she released the breath she was holding.

This was fine.

She’d had more than a few landings that had left her battered and bruised throughout her lifetime, and this was just another one.

Not that she’d ever fallen off of a thirty story building before, but, like, semantics. She would probably be fine.

Unless she died.

Just as the thought occurred to her, her body connected with something hard, a jolt traveling through her bones, and she sucked in a punishing breath, eyes flying open.

But she hadn’t hit cement, like she first thought. She’d hit-

She’d been caught in someone’s arms.

There was a familiar smell - mint and spice - and she relaxed into familiar arms. “Nice of you to fly by, Cha-”

The person holding her looked down, and her words caught in her throat. 

It was Adrien who had caught her. 

Not Chat.

Adrien. Adrien Agreste. Adrien with the beautiful wings he never used to fly, Adrien her classmate, Adrien with the green eyes that sparkled in sunshine and glimmered still on cloudy days, Adrien with the kind smiles, Adrien with the nice hands, Adrien with the nice hands that were currently holding her as they soared up into the air. Adrien freaking Agreste.

“Ah,” she said, and she could feel his hand, gentle, cradling her wings, fingertips light and steady on her feathers.

“I thought you might,” he started, his cheeks coloring, “uh, need a hand.”

“Right,” she said rather weakly. They stared at each other for a moment longer, and then he looked away, looking for a suitable place to land. She bit the inside of her cheek, eyes following the strong line of his jaw, up the smooth curve of his cheek, over the sharp bridge of his nose. Her eyes caught on a little crease in between his eyebrows, and she frowned.

Her eyes flicked down to his lips, and she saw they were pinched tightly, as if he was in pain but trying to hide it.

“Are you-” she started, and then stopped, breath catching in her throat. His wings. She was only just now looking at them properly.

“Am I what?” he asked, glancing down at her as they landed gracefully on the next building over from the one she’d been thrown off of. He tucked his wings back in their normal, perfectly straight posture, and his pinched expression relaxed.

But she couldn’t get the image out of her mind. His wings - his golden, regal wings she so admired but had never seen spread - had been littered with spots that had been rubbed raw. Feathers falling, skin red. Raw.

“Your wings,” she said, and she felt his grip tighten on her legs, but he just as quickly relaxed, setting her down with a smile.

“Oh, it’s nothing,” he said, moving around her so that he could untie her hands and wings. “Not really.”

“It looks like it hurts,” she said, shaking out her wings once they were free and bending down to untie her ankles.

“It doesn’t,” he said, and she looked up at him, at his perfect posture that hid his injuries.

She stood, and his gaze followed her. She reached out a hand, shaking fingers just barely brushing along his smooth outer feathers. Her eyes met his, and he took in an unsteady breath. “Doesn’t it?” she asked, and he shrugged half-heartedly, feathers bristling.

“Not usually.”

“Oh, Adrien,” she whispered, pained, and he blinked. And she remembered.

She wasn’t supposed to know him. Sure, she’d saved him a couple times with the mask on, but she wasn’t supposed to whisper his name like she knew him, like she felt for him.

“S-sorry,” she said, stepping away, and she saw, belatedly, that his hand was reaching for her. Her heart ached. “I- you- we.” She stopped, taking a deep breath. “I have to get back to the fight. You should get to safety.”

“Yeah,” he said.

Neither of them moved.

Marinette bit the inside of her cheek. “It’s not supposed to hurt,” she said softly. “Flying, I mean. It’s not supposed to hurt.”

His jaw worked. His mouth settled on a smile. “I know.”

Chat showed up not long after that, and they made quick work of the akuma. Marinette avoided any more comments about his nose, rolled her eyes along to Chat’s dumb jokes, and tried not to think about Adrien.

During her chemistry exam - which she showed up ten minutes late for - she also tried not to think about Adrien. But he was sitting right in front of her, and every time she looked up to think, his wings were right there. Regal, golden. Raw.

How many people had seen his wings spread up close like that? Adrien never flew anywhere - he never had to. Perks of being the son of a famous fashion mogul who owned fancy cars and private jets. In gym, he always ran laps because of a daily doctor’s note - who knows what it said. He always took the stairs instead of flight paths, and his wings were always tucked neatly away, glimmering underneath the crappy public school fluorescents.

She tore her eyes away from Adrien’s wings, staring hard down at her test. Icarus, she’d be lucky if she scraped by with a C. Today sucked.

---

“I’m going to spend the entirety of winter break curled up in a blanket nest,” Alya groaned, flopping down at their picnic table. Marinette scooted to the side to make room, hardly looking up from her lunch. “These tests are killer. I think our teachers are out for blood this year.”

“Speak for yourself,” Nino scoffed. “I have my literature exam on lock.”

“Yeah?” Alya asked, raising her eyebrows. “And what about pre-cal?” Nino made a face. “That’s what I thought,” Alya replied.

Adrien looked away from his friends, eyes focusing on Marinette. She’d been acting strange ever since chemistry - she’d shown up late, no doubt caught up in the akuma attack just like half of their class, including him - but this quiet from her seemed more heavy than the quiet dejection of a student afraid of midterms. She kept on shooting him looks and then looking away, like there was something on his face that made her want to cry.

“How have your exams gone, Marinette?” he asked, and she jumped, not expecting to be spoken to. Her eyes met his, and she quickly looked away, a smile forcing itself onto her lips.

“Oh, you know. Terrible. But that’s fine, I guess.”

“I’m sure you did better than you think,” he assured. “We’re our own worst critics, after all.”

“Yeah, you’re probably right,” she said, and she squinted her eyes at him, as if trying to mimic a smile reaching up to her eyes, before looking away again.

Well, he was sure she hated him.

Okay, so maybe he was overreacting.

He was definitely - probably - overreacting.

It was just something about Marinette - something about her that always made him think a little too much. He supposed it was a residual rub from the way they had met a couple years ago what with them starting off on the wrong foot, and, yes, he was aware that if he was a healthy person, then he wouldn’t still be overanalyzing their first interaction every time Marinette’s face fell in his presence, but that was beside the point.

He just.

Well. He wanted to be liked by her. And that was natural, to want to be liked by a friend, to want to be liked by someone as amazing as her.

He didn’t want to see her upset. He wanted to see her smile, as much as he was able. She had a wonderful smile, after all.

Marinette’s strange behavior extended through the rest of the week, and on the Friday before break, Adrien mustered up his courage to ask. She normally flew home, so Adrien raced up the stairs to the roof, only just catching her as she was saying goodbye to Alya. Her eyes caught on him, the same color as the bright, cold winter sky, and her eyebrows twisted in something akin to pain.

Alya followed her gaze to him, and her eyebrows raised. She looked back to Marinette, said something that Adrien couldn’t quite hear, squeezed Marinette’s arm, and then lifted off the roof, rust-colored wings causing a wind to rustle through Marinette’s hair. Marinette looked after her for a moment, tucking a lock of hair behind her ear, before turning back to Adrien.

“Hey,” he said as he walked closer, and a small smile twitched at her lips - almost as if on instinct. 

“Hi,” she replied, tilting her head at him. “You’re flying home?”

“Ah, no, not today,” Adrien said, shaking his head and ignoring the itch of the binds hidden beneath his feathers. “I just, well. Uh.”

This was new. He was normally very good at talking.

Marinette watched him, gaze careful. 

“I wanted to ask,” he continued, running a nervous hand through his hair, “if there was anything I’d done. To upset you.”

Marinette blinked. “What?”

“Because,” he said, clasping his hands behind his back to avoid fidgeting, “I’ve noticed that you’re more, um, quiet around me than usual, and I” - he remembered his father normally kept his hands clasped behind his back, cold, professional, and he unclasped his hands, stuffing them in his pockets - “I just wanted to know, I suppose. If it was anything I’d done. So that I could apologize.” The air was cold, and a biting breeze nipped at his cheeks and nose. He swallowed. “I don’t want you to be upset with me.”

“I’m not!” Marinette said, hardly before he finished his last sentence, and he blinked. Her cheeks, red with the cold, became a little redder - no doubt from the new gust of wind that brushed past them both. “I’m not upset or angry with you or anything at all like that, not even a little bit! You haven’t done anything wrong, you’re perfect, I promise, I just-” She stopped, biting on her bottom lip, her shoulders travelling up to her ears. She didn’t continue.

“Is there anything I can do?” Adrien asked, and Marinette’s expression travelled somewhere between a smile and a pinched frown. 

“Just…” She trailed off, and she reached over, dainty hand settling on his shoulder. He was sure her fingers flexed, brushing along his feathers. “Have a good break, okay? Spread your wings a little bit for me.” She gave his shoulder a squeeze, and then she let go, lifting off from the roof of the school. Her pretty brown wings, speckled with white, carried her through the cold winter air, and Adrien stared after her silhouette.

Spread his wings.

Somehow, Adrien thought, Marinette always seemed to say just the things that made his chest ache.

---

Marinette spent the first half of her winter break thinking. She also spent that first half of her winter break trying not to think. She made dresses and sweaters and pants from old clothes and bedsheets, trying to keep her hands busy so her mind wouldn’t take over. She pricked her fingers more times in those first few days than she had all year.

She looked forward to Morpheusmus by making her friends gifts and dropping them off at their respective houses, determined to keep her spirits high for the holiday. 

It was winter, and Morpheusmus was supposed to be all about cheer and friendship and good dreams. Giving gifts to friends and family to encourage peaceful nights through the long dark hours, while nature slept in its cold. And she was giving her gifts with a damn smile on her face, no matter how much she kept thinking about-

She held Adrien’s wrapped gift - a warm red sweater made from the softest fabric she could find - tightly in her arms as she dropped down to the ground in front of the gates of the Agreste mansion. She dropped the package in the drop box, checking twice to make sure she’d signed her name, and then looked up at the mansion. Towering and cold, colder than the winter air.

She’d done some research, on those nights when she couldn’t avoid thinking.

About wing binding.

It was a common practice in well-off families to encourage good posture and to show off wealth. In excessive amounts, it could cause pain and long-term injury to the person binded. 

She bit at the inside of her cheek.

So, she was doing something stupid.

It’s not like she decided - right then at the gates to the Agreste mansion - that she’d do what she’d decided to do, but staring up at that awful mansion had certainly encouraged her. It wasn’t her place, to intrude on family affairs, but Daedalus be damned, she didn’t give a shit.

She lo-

She cared about Adrien. It was awful to think about him hurting, every day, all the time. She couldn’t have another friend that meant so much to her living a life of pain - not when she knew  that she might be able to do something about it. If she went in and didn’t find any bindings, then she would take her leave and that would be it. But.

But if she did find bindings, then.

Well. It was a stupid plan. A disaster in the making.

But Marinette was quite used to being a step away from disaster. 

She found it quite nice, in fact, to step close so disaster for the sake of someone else. It was a nice change of pace from her own disasters. 

---

On the last night of Morpheusmus, Adrien walked into his room from a late night kitchen raid to see Ladybug standing before his bed, arms crossed. He froze.

The moonlight stumbled through his windows, reaching out for her, just barely managing to catch its fingers on her red wings, on her dark hair. She turned her head to look at him, bright blue eyes reflecting the stars of the night,  and then she looked down at his bed once more.

He realized then that there were things on his bed that hadn’t been there before he’d left for the kitchen.

His bindings.

Each one of them, their unforgiving lines of gold-colored vines, laid out on the bed. But they looked wrong, somehow. He stepped closer, frowning, and he realized, eyes wide, that they’d all been cut apart, each and every one of them.

Ladybug watched his face as he looked over his useless bindings. “Are you wearing one now?” she asked, voice quiet through the night, and Adrien nodded, speechless. He hadn’t gotten the chance to take off the one he’d worn throughout the day. “Come here,” she said softly, beckoning closer, and he followed the sound of her voice as if on instinct.

She turned him around, and he noticed idly that she only came up to his shoulder. But he felt small, smaller than her, and she seemed to know it. But she didn’t do anything with that knowledge, like other people in his life might’ve. She simply moved her hands through the feathers of his wings, gentle fingers finding the clasps of the bindings and undoing them. The bindings fell to the floor, and he turned around, watching her bend down and pick them up.

For a moment, she seemed to consider them for a moment, so little and heavy in her hands, and then she took the pair of scissors she’d left on the bed. And she slowly and methodically cut it apart.

He shivered at the freedom.

“I’ll leave a note for your father, if you’d like,” she said, setting down the remnants of the bindings on the bed and admiring her handiwork. “Say it was me who did this.”

“No,” he said, and she looked over at him, furrowing her eyebrows. He felt his cheeks heat up. “I don’t want you to get in trouble.”

A slow smile spread across her lips, and she touched a fleeting hand to his cheek. “He wouldn’t know where to find me,” she said, and then she looked back down at the bindings, her smile turning a little satisfied. “And besides, I chose to get in trouble.”

“Thank you,” he said, and she turned her smile to him, soft and sweet.

“Merry Morpheusmus, Adrien,” she said, and she turned to leave.

“Wait,” he said, and he caught her wrist in her hand, so small and strong. She turned, raising her eyebrows. “Why?” he asked. He didn’t need to elaborate.

For a moment, it seemed like she wouldn’t answer. And then she sighed, turning and sitting down on his bed. He sat down next to her, heart racing.

“You know of my partner, Chat Noir?” she asked, and he felt himself smile.

“I might’ve heard a thing or two about him,” he said, and her lips twitched up into a smile before it faded.

“When we first met, he was absolutely terrible at flying,” she said, and Adrien raised his eyebrows. She’d never told him that before. “He was like a toddler,” she said, and Adrien bit back a retort. She didn’t seem to notice. “He was all crash landings and giddy laughter, like he was doing it all for the first time. And his wings…” She trailed off, shaking her head.

“His wings?” Adrien prompted, and she let out a small sigh.

“Well, they looked like yours. Damaged. Raw.” She shook her head again, tucking a lock of hair behind her ear. “At first I thought that was just what the miraculous did to him for his disguise, but the more I thought about it, the more I thought that maybe… That maybe outside of the mask, he probably didn’t fly.”

She paused, and Adrien ached.

“I asked him once, if it hurt,” she said softly. “He told me it didn’t. Not then. Not with the magic.”

He remembered. Remembered the way her expression broke.

“Chat gets to fly - during fights, yes - but still. He gets to fly. Without pain.” She turned her eyes to him, and he saw all the weight of the world there in her eyes. “I saw your wings, when you rescued me, and it reminded me of him. And the more I thought about it, the more I thought…” She trailed off, letting out something that might’ve been a laugh. “Sorry, it’s silly.”

“Please,” Adrien said, voice breaking of its own accord, “tell me.”

“I just thought,” she started, eyes finding his again, “that if I couldn’t help him, then I might be able to help you.”

And, like, Adrien was no stranger to the rush of emotion in his chest; of course he wasn’t. But he always chose not to act on it most days because he was always afraid - afraid of losing her. 

He leaned in.

This was a bad idea. 

She leaned in, too.

But sometimes.

Well.

Sometimes it was perfectly understandable to act on a bad idea, wasn’t it? It’s not like he could be blamed for doing so, not when she was in front of him, soft and vulnerable, powerful and beautiful. She’d given him more than he could ever have asked for, and she’d done it simply because she cared. 

This was a bad idea, but that was alright. 

Their lips met.

It was a gentle, fragile thing - their kiss. It was soft and it was hesitant, and Adrien hoped even as he didn’t that she could feel how much she meant to him. His hand reached up, and he cradled her cheek, thumb tracing along the edge of her mask. She let out a small sigh against his mouth, pushing closer.

He felt, almost, like she was trying to tell him something. Something important.

And then she pulled away, blue eyes heavy on him. She stood, and she cupped his face in her hands, something sad and indecipherable travelling across her face. She rubbed her thumbs along his cheeks, and he reached up, holding on to her wrists, loosely. He wanted her to stay. He knew she had to go.

She brushed the hair away from his forehead, and she pressed a kiss there, soft and caring. “Sweet dreams, Adrien,” she whispered against his skin, and he closed his eyes. Her hands left him, and he mourned the loss. “Spread your wings a little bit for me, okay?”

His eyes flew open, but she was already gone, his window open and welcoming in the cold night air. 

He ran to the window, leaning out and letting the wintry air bite at his cheeks as he stared after her silhouette.

“Marinette,” he whispered.

He was probably wrong.

But he didn’t feel wrong.

He felt - awfully, terribly, wonderfully - right.

---

Marinette spent the next few days thinking about mint and spice.

It’s what Chat always smelled like - not that she’d, like, made an active effort to notice. It was just that in the heat of a battle, he’d catch her or she’d catch him or they’d be huddled close and she would smell it. Mint and spice. That was what Chat smelled like.

It was also what Adrien’s room smelled like.

What Adrien himself had smelled like - when he’d caught her, falling mid-air. When he’d kissed her, sweet and gentle.

Against her better judgement, Marinette was having thoughts. And feelings.

A whole lot of feelings.

So when Adrien showed up at the bakery, wearing the soft red sweater she’d given him for Morpheusmus, Marinette had done what any rational person would do.

She sprinted out the back door of the bakery.

Was it the best possible thing she could do in that situation? No, absolutely not. She knew that. And that was fine.

She was speeding toward an end, an end she wasn’t quite sure if she would like, so she squeezed her eyes shut and pretended that she was alright with free-falling just so she wouldn’t have to look down at the fast approaching ground.

“Marinette!”

Her eyes snapped open, and she looked up at the sky, following the sound of her name. It was Adrien, above her, beautiful frame backlit by the bright winter sky. His wings looked better - still a little raw, but better.

Marinette considered running.

Adrien landed in front of her, graceful and intentional, and his eyes searched her. “Why did you run away?”

“Bug,” Marinette answered immediately, her mouth providing her with a lie. “On the cash register. A bug.”

He tilted his head at her, stepping closer, slowly, carefully, like she was a flighty bird. 

Which.

Yeah.

“You mean it wasn’t because of me?”

So that was super rude of him, to look so honest. 

Marinette let out a strained sound from the back of her throat, throwing her hands up into the air and turning away from him.

“It’s because of the- the Daedalus-damned mint!” she exclaimed, whirling around to face him again. He had a confused sort of smile on his face. “And the- the stupid spice! And your wings, a little bit- no, a lot a bit. It’s all so much- which is. Which is absolutely-” She cut herself off with a frustrated groan, shaking her head and meeting his gaze.

His eyes were so green. His hair so gold, the strands wind-blown and familiar.

“It’s all just so much like him,” she said, her voice breaking into quiet.

Something in his expression cracked open, and he smiled, bright and honest as the sun. “I knew it,” he said. “I knew it!” He laughed as he said it, throwing his arms around her and pulling her close.

“Adrien-”

“You said the same thing that night,” he said, pulling away and holding her by the shoulders, grin wild. “‘Spread your wings a little bit for me.’ I didn’t want to hope I was right.”

She felt like she was falling.

She felt like she was flying.

“You know,” she said, and he nodded, excited.

“And you know, too,” he said, “don’t you?” And she realized that she did. She’d known for a while.

“Oh, Icarus save me,” she breathed, and then she grabbed Adrien - Chat Noir, her partner, her best friend - by the collar of the soft red sweater she’d made for him, and she kissed him hard. 

And he kissed her back, just as hard. She could feel his smile, pressed up close to her mouth, and she laughed, breathing in the wonderfully familiar mint and spice.

---

Looking at this rationally, Adrien was absolutely certain this was a bad idea. His father wasn’t going to be happy about him getting a girlfriend, let alone getting a girlfriend that cuts up all the new bindings he buys with a gleam in her eyes that is, quite honestly, downright terrifying. 

However, Adrien didn’t like being rational. He did like this bad idea, though, and all it was speeding toward.

And Marinette felt far from a bad idea, she felt like soft feathers and softer kisses, gentle smiles and quick laughs. She felt like everything absolutely and totally right, and he couldn’t exactly fault himself for falling - flying toward her.

It was only natural. 

That much, at least, he was sure of.

=

hey apple i hope you loved this as much as i loved writing it (can you tell i got carried away a little bit? because i did. i totally did) and i hope anyone else reading this enjoys at least one sentence. it doesn’t really matter which one

happy holidays everyone!! i hope you’re able to spend this winter, no matter what you celebrate, safe and happy and surrouned by things you love

thank you so much for reading<3<3<3

[finleyfray]

Bittersweet Memories part 7

(Part 1) (Part 2) (Part 3) (Part 4) (Part 5) (part 6)

Taglist: @ashadash0904

TW: language,nightmares, think that’s it

Finley looks at the door, waiting patiently for her girlfriends to come in. Earlier today J’onn came along announcing there was a mission and if they wanted to go. Of course, Alex and Maggie said no instantly, but Fin almost ordered them to go and have a bit of fun. After arguing with them for a solid ten minutes, they finally agreed, claiming they will be back before their scheduled therapy session.  

The black-haired woman was nervous for the session. She knows they will talk about a lot of stuff that’s troubling them in their relationship. But on the other hand, some things have to be talked about. Maybe if they sit down and list them, it’s going to help. At least now Fin didn’t have to worry about Kelly stealing her girls.  

‘She has a wife and a kid on the way. She wouldn’t leave them. There is no danger from her side.’ Finley thinks as she hears a knock on her door. 

“Come in.” She looks at the door as they open and Kelly enters the room. “Hi.” Finley smiles politely as she greets the woman. 

“Hi, good morning, Finley. How are you doing today?” The older woman sits on a chair ahead of her. 

“I’m better, I think so. Nothing hurts actually, which is a pretty nice feeling.” 

“That is very good. You know when they’ll let you home?” Kelly asks, looking at the woman in bed. 

“Yeah.” Fin sighs. “They took my blood for testing earlier. Will let me know if I can go home tomorrow. I, uh, I kind of don’t want to go home...” She hung her head and looked at her hands. 

“And why is that?” 

“Well, I’m scared. It went wrong the first time, what if it goes wrong again? What if the pain comes back? And here I’ve had both of them by my side, what if I’m all alone again? I don’t want to stay home any more. I feel like I’m too clingy, because I’ve been practically attached to them for the last week, but I’ve missed them. By now they’re probably sick of me.” 

“We’re not sick of you.” Finley turns and sees her redhead girlfriend by the door. “I promise there’s nothing you could do that would make us sick of you.” Alex rushed to the bed and hugged her. Maggie trails behind her and sits on the other side of the bed.  

“I’m sorry.” Fin hugs them both.  

“It’s okay. We’re here to remind you of how we love you.” Her raven-haired girlfriend kisses her cheek. “We’ll just go day by day. I promise we’re not going to leave you.” 

“I’m just... I’m sorry, it’s egoistic, but when we’ll go home, I’m afraid you’ll just go back to work and I don’t want to stay home alone. I’m worried that something will go wrong again.” 

“It’s normal that you feel that way when a certain place brings you trauma.” 

“Yeah.” Fin cut Kelly off. “But I can’t expect them to constantly miss work because of me! They have taken so many free days, and Maggie even resigned from NCPD because of me. That’s not okay, I’m dragging them down.” 

“I didn’t resign because of you. I did resign because of my workload. Of how my boss was treating me.” Maggie looks at her girlfriend.  

“Well, she’s not wrong. You are also forgetting that you are in this state because of me.” Alex sighs, dropping her head. 

“What do you mean?” Finley looks at her girlfriend tilting her head.  

“Fin, you saved me. If I saw that stupid rock coming, you wouldn’t almost die! You just dropped everything and risked your life to save mine!” 

“Of course I did. What, did you expect me to just stand over there and watch you being crushed?” The black-haired woman frowns. 

“I said all these hurtful words and yet, even when you should be mad at me, hate me, you just dropped everything and saved me.” Alex looks at Finley as she wipes away her tears. Maggie takes the redhead hand squeezing it gently.  

“How do you feel about it?” Kelly asks, looking at them.  

“I’m... angry? At myself mostly. Because I acted like a total asshole. But also scared, because I realize such a situation can happen again, and I know she wouldn’t even hesitate to risk her life for me. And I don’t want to lose her.” 

“Well, of course I would risk my life for both of you. How could I ever look at your mother’s face and tell that her daughter is dead because I did not save her. How do you expect me to just stay there and look at you being in danger and do nothing? That’s not an option, it never was.” Finley huffs. What did Alex even think? Of course, she’s going to risk her life for both of them.  

“See, the thing is, and I can’t get why you keep missing it, my mother cares for you too. For her, it’s like she has 5 daughters. You think I ever want to go to her and tell her one of them didn’t make it!?” Alex’s voice broke, she was trying to maintain her tough face, but there were so many emotions inside her that she felt like she would burst.  

“Baby...” Finley sighs and hugs her redhead girlfriend as she feels her shaking from a sob. “I don’t plan on dying anytime soon.” She looks at Maggie who hugged Alex from behind.  

“But you almost did! You stopped breathing in my arms!”  

“Babe!” Finley retreats and looks her girlfriend in the eyes. “I am here now. I promise you it’s not changing. We have so many plans together, we’re getting a dog, we talked about moving to a larger house, your sister is getting married soon! I don’t plan on missing all these things. I want to spend the rest of my life with both of you, and I’m not dying anytime soon. It’s alright, it’s going to be okay.” 

“Promise?” Maggie whispers, her voice trembling from her own tears.  

“I promise.”

***

Alex smiles as she enters the room with coffee in her hand. It was a tough week, Finley was ordered to stay for a few days longer in the medical just to make sure there's no change for the worse. That also made them meet up with Kelly daily, and now Alex was feeling a lot better. The redhead was hopeful for their future in a beautiful house with a dog they really want and some kids. Or at least she hopes so, she still didn't talk about the kids part with her girlfriends. 

Alex always wanted to be a mother. Even if she had a time in her life where she wasn't sure if she likes men or women, Alex was always sure she wanted to have kids. She doesn't know when to talk about it yet, but she's sure she will.

"Hey. Ready to go home?" She looked at Fin, who's sitting on the bed.

"Yea, but Maggie doesn't let me do anything!" The black-haired woman whines and points at their shorter girlfriend who's packing all their stuff. 

"That's because the doctor said you need to take it easy." Maggie rolls her eyes and Alex laughs. Typical Sawyer behaviour. If the kids ever get that trait from her, they're going to be in so much trouble. 

"Come on, I'll help." The redhead walks to her and begins helping her girlfriend with packing. 

"Alright, I think that's it. We're good to go." Maggie informs, looking at their suitcase. "We'll get you a wheelchair, and we can go to the car."

"No! No, no, I can walk!" Finley huffs. "I don't need a wheelchair, I don't have a cast any more, I'll walk!"

"Babe..." Alex sighs. She gets it, it's so frustrating for Fin that she doesn't have the energy to walk so far as she's used to, she gets tired after a few meters, she won't be able to make it to the car. Yes, the black-haired woman is doing her best at physical therapy, and she makes a lot of progress, but she can't make it that far. "Baby..." Alex begins again, but she doesn't know what words to use to not hurt the younger woman but at the same time convince her to use a wheelchair. She looks at Maggie trying to get some support. 

"Finnie… The car is far away. It would really help if we just get you a wheelchair?" The shorter woman says, looking at their girlfriend.

"Oh." Finley hangs her head and looks at the floor. "O...okay."

"Baby…"

"No, just, please go get the wheelchair. Just don't, I get it. I know I'm too slow for you." 

"Okay." Maggie exits the room and they stay alone. 

"You okay?" Alex asks, looking at her girlfriend. 

"Yea. It's just… you know. I want to be able to walk normally. It's so frustrating that I'm getting tired so quickly." Finley sighs looking at the redhead. 

"You'll get better soon. Just not so long ago you could only move in a wheelchair, and now you're able to go alone for a bit. You need to give yourself some time, those injuries don't heal overnight." She walks to Fin and envelops her in a hug.

"Here you go." Maggie walks in with the wheelchair and looks at them. "You okay?"

"Yea." Finley stands up, leaning on Alex. She walks 4 steps and embraces Maggie. "Sorry. I overreacted. I just want to finally feel better and get back to our normal life."

"I know baby, I want this too. But, small steps, you know?" Maggie kissed Finley’s forehead and helped her sit on the wheelchair.

***

Maggie smiles as she enters the elevator. After a successful day at the DEO it's finally time to go home. She presses the button and the elevator closes going up. After a few seconds, the door opens again, and she walks out. Putting the key in the door, she opens them.

"I'm home." She announces, but she's met with silence. She furrows her brows and instinctively grabs her gun. While Finley might sleep, Alex never sleeps during the day. She slowly walks to the living room and chokes on air. There, on the couch, lies Alex with a bullet hole in her head. Maggie wants to scream, but she can't get any sound out of her mouth. She wants to go to her girlfriend, check on her, cry, scream, but she can't. Her legs lead her to the bedroom. 

There on their bed lies her other girlfriend. She looks at her with dead eyes and a hole in her chest. Next to their bed stands a man. She can't see his face, she can only see the gun in his hands. Once again, Maggie can't move. She looks at the man as he speaks.

"I told you…"

Maggie shoots up with a gasp. She looks around and finds her girlfriend's sleeping in bed next to her. The Latino tries to get her breath together. She grabs the duvet with shaky hands and gets out of the bed. She feels her cheeks getting wet and goes to the kitchen. 

"Fucking hell." She closes her eyes, but when she does, she sees her girlfriends dead all over again. She goes to the window and focuses her vision on the sign of the gas station near their home. 

Slowly, the raven-haired woman is able to even her breath and stop crying. She goes to the kettle and puts in water to warm it. 

For a few days now, Maggie has had this nightmare. She comes home and finds her girlfriends dead. She can't see the face of the man that shot them, it's all blurry. Only words spoken "I told you." but they don't mean anything to her. 

She makes herself some coffee. She won't be able to sleep any time soon. 

For the past few days, she went to lay with her girlfriends only to get up when they were asleep. She didn't want to alarm them, but she was just so tired. Maggie misses the good sleep. 

She tries to occupy her mind at night with everything she can think of. Recently, Maggie discovered podcasts, and she loves the criminal ones. She's always able to identify the murderer before them, and it successfully occupies her mind. She loves coloring adult color books while listening to it. The raven-haired woman would never admit to it, but it really calms her and brings her joy.

Maggie brings her cup of coffee to the table, but before she can power her headphones on, she hears footsteps. She quickly turns and is ready to fight when she sees Finley.

"Hey." She hears her girlfriend's sleepy voice, and it brings a little smile to her face. "It's late, what are you doing here?" The blue-eyed woman hobbles in her direction, and Maggie stands up to pick her. She grabs her and goes to sit on the couch nearby. The Latino snuggles into her girlfriend and sighs. She didn't realize how bad she needed a hug. Fin embraces her and softly scratches the back of her head. 

"What's wrong?" She asks, and Maggie can hear a worry in her voice.

"Nothing. I just wanted to snuggle."

"Then why are you here with coffee instead of sleeping?" Her girlfriend asks softly.

"I just can't sleep any more tonight."

"Babe, you look exhausted. What's wrong?" 

"I… Nothing is wrong. I just can't sleep." Maggie rolls her eyes. Finley and her stubbornness are going to be the end of her.

"Baby…" Fin stops and yawns. "Talk to me, please."

The raven-haired woman sighs and leans back a bit to look into her girlfriends blue eyes.

"I just keep having this nightmare for a few days." Maggie cups her girlfriend's cheeks to feel her. She needs to know she's really here. 

"Can you tell me about it?" Fin's hand softly strokes her hair.

"I don't know…"

"Please?" Her girlfriend made a puppy face, and she was gone. She can never say no to that face, and her girlfriend knows that. Damn her. Maggie sighs.

"It begins normally. I come home from work and open the door. I call out, but it's so quiet, I go to the living room and there on the couch lies Alex with a bullet in her head. And I can't do anything about it." She feels her girlfriend wiping away her tears, she didn't know she was crying. "I can't go to her, I can't scream, I can't cry, nothing! And I'm forced to go away, to go to the bedroom. And you're there, looking at me with dead eyes, hole in your chest. There's this man standing next to the bed. He's holding a gun, but he doesn't have a face, his face is blurred." Maggie sobs. "And he's only words are "I told you…". Like, what does this even mean!" She snuggles into Finley’s chest and sobs even more. 

"It's okay, we're okay, you're okay." The black-haired woman embraces her and whispers in her ear. "It's just a nightmare, we're here, and we're safe. Nothing is coming to kill us. We're going to be okay."

Slowly, her sobs become quieter, and she feels herself being maneuvered to lie on Fin. She rests her head on her girlfriend's chest and listens to her heart beat. It's so comfortable, and she feels a duvet on her, giving her more warmth. And right now, as Maggie's fatigue gets the best of her, she really wants to believe that they're going to be okay.

[doyumacy]

FALLOUT |LH| TWELVE (FINALE)

*gif not mine

PAIRING: donghyuck x reader bodyguard!donghyuck

WARNINGS: mentions of jaemin taeyong. swearing, major character death, gunshot wound, blood mentioned, grieving 

WORD COUNT: 4,6K

ONE TWO THREE FOUR FIVE SIX SEVEN EIGHT NINE TEN ELEVEN 

You groaned as, once again, you awoke sick for the fourth day.

It had been impossible to keep your breakfast down of late, and more often than not you spent most of the morning with your head in a bucket. You blamed the one week old pizza you had a week before.

That morning, Donghyuck made you your favourite breakfast before leaving with Jeno and you couldn't even have a bite. You were going to throw up again.

“Love, did I leave my phone here? I can't find it anywhere…” You heard him.

Another wave of nausea caught you, and you threw your head into the toilet. You coughed, tears in your eyes as the voice got closer. The dry heaving was almost more unpleasant than the vomiting, you lamented, leaving your throat sore and your voice hoarse.

“I am not dressed yet!” You called, not technically lying, as your pajamas clung to your body with sweat.

“I think we are past all that,” he laughed, pushing the door open.

You adjusted your pajasm as he searched, sensing the rush he was in from his near ignoring of you. "I swear I left it here before I took a shower."

He finally found it atop the mantlepiece, and turned to make a comment on it, when he noticed your appearance.

“Good god, are you okay?”

“Fine. A little nauseous, is all.”

He rushed over to you

“I think I have the stomach flu, perhaps. Stay back.”

“I likely already have it, if it is that,” he smiled. “So there is no further harm.”

"Seriously," you whined. "I don't want you to get sick."

"Are you sure you're okay? You look palid," he cupped your face.

You nodded. "Go. Jeno must be waiting for you."

Donghyuck sighed and placed a kiss on your forehead. "If by tomorrow you don't look better I'm taking you to the hospital, okay?"

"Yes, sir."

Your body ached, more so than when you were PMSing. But not every month was the same, so you thought the pill was doing its secondary effects. You grabbed your birth control pill case and before taking it, you checked your last case and realised you missed a few. You cursed.

You stared at the rows upon rows of pregnancy tests. Did women actually know which one to take? Was it common knowledge knowing which one was the best? You sighed and rubbed your eyes. You were probably overreacting. You grabbed the pink one off the shelf. It wasn’t the cheapest one, but it was a brand you remembered from commercials. You stopped by the snack stand and picked up a bar of your peanut butter and chocolate. You always hated peanut butter. Shit. You dropped the bar chocolate and sat down on the counter. The woman at the checkout rang them through and gave you the total.

You held up your bank card, “Credit.”

She nodded and pressed the button. You inserted the card into the machine, went through the motions of inputting your password and checking the account type.

“Would you like a bag?” The woman asked as you waited for the transaction to clear.

You shook your head, “No thank you.”

She handed you the two items and the receipt. You dropped them down into your purse. You exited the drug store and stood on the street corner for a minute. You couldn’t do this alone. You needed some guidance. You pulled your phone out of your pocket and texted Lena.

Can I call you? You pressed send and began walking home.

You recounted the last few times you and Donghyuck had sex. You ran your fingers through your hair, so many times. Your phone rang in your hand and Lena's caller ID showed up.

You smiled, “Hey girl.”

“You’re pregnant, aren’t you?” She cut right to the chase.

You thought about lying, just to spite her but you two knew each other so well that it wasn’t a surprise that she’d picked up on your worries early on.

“I bought a test.” You explained.

She squealed into the phone and you had to pull it away while she freaked out. You laughed at her reaction. Your nerves settle the tiniest bit. She already had Minah. She knew exactly what to expect. You unlocked your front door and lined it for the couch.

“Ok.” She settled in as you entered your house, “Take the test right now.”

You shook your head, “Isn’t it better to take it in the morning? I swear I heard that somewhere before.”

“Pff if you’re pregnant it doesn’t matter what time of day you take the test.” She explained.

You rolled your eyes, of course she knew best, she was a doctor and a mom after all.

“How am I supposed to pee on a stick and hold the phone at the same time?” You joked.

You heard a door shut on her end, “Put the phone down, pee on the stick and come back.”

You groaned. What if you really were pregnant? You were happy but scared at the same time. This wasn’t something you’ve ever had to deal with.

“Alright.” You said.

You placed the phone down on the table and pulled the test out of your purse. You went into the bathroom, ripped the box open, ignored the instructions and made sure that the bristles were in place. You frowned, this was almost as awkward as peeing in a cup.

You placed the phone down on the table and pulled the test out of your purse. You went into the bathroom, ripped the box open, ignored the instructions and made sure that the bristles were in place. You frowned, this was almost as awkward as peeing in a cup. A shiver ran down your spine as you felt weird about the whole thing. Lena was willingly waiting for you to pee on a stick. You set the test on the corner of the sink, finished your business and pulled up your pants. You pushed the cap over the bristled part of the test and then washed your hands. You grabbed the instructions and test as you went back to the living room. You glanced at the clock. It was only 10:30 in the morning. Donghyuck wouldn’t be home for another few hours.

You picked up the phone, “It’s done.”

“Yay!” Lena laughed. “Have you thought about how you’re going to tell Donghyuck?”

You shrugged, “No. I don’t even know if this is real yet. I could just be overreacting.”

“You wouldn’t have called me if you thought this was a false alarm.” She stated.

You groaned, “Ugh.”

Why was she always right? She laughed again. She distracted you with mindless prattle while you waited the three minutes for the test to finish. You left it sitting on the coffee table, upside down because you still didn’t know if you were prepared for the outcome.

“Three minutes.” Lena announced.

You took a deep breath and gingerly picked up the test. You flipped it over and creased your eyebrows in confusion.

“Uh – it has one solid line and one really faint one.” You told her.

You pulled out the instructions pamphlet and began scanning through. It mentioned that two solid lines mean pregnant but it made no mention of a solid first line and faint second one. Were all the tests this finicky?

“That’s exactly what it looked like when I was pregnant with Minah.” She advised.

You shook your head, “This doesn’t make any sense. The booklet distinctly says that you have to have two solid lines. Not one solid and one barely there.”

She chuckled at your denial, “Y/N you’re pregnant.”

“That’s not what the booklet says!” You fought back.

“You’re pregnant.” Lena said again.

You paused and then all the excitement of being pregnant caught up with you. Tears formed at your eyes.

“I’m pregnant.” You whispered. “I'm pregnant!” You screamed. “Oh my god. Oh my god! How am I going to tell Hyuck?"

“Do something cute, like put the test in a pan and put the pan in the oven.” Lena offered, “Symbolically tell him you have a ‘bun in the oven.’”

You burst into laughter, “Isn’t that sort of stuff reserved for people planning on these things? This wasn’t exactly on our list of to-dos.”

You both broke into giggles. This was absurd and exhilarating all at once. You never expected to ever be a parent. It wasn’t something you thought you had in you. Now that you were pregnant, and with Donghyuck, you’d never felt more ready. The two of you could do this.

You took a deep breath and then blew it out through tight lips, “He’s not going to be home until after 7. I can’t wait that long.”

“Mull it over. He loves you, remember that.” She gave me a minor pep talk, “Oh, and guys handle these things differently. Don’t forget that.”

You nodded, “Alright. Thanks Lena.”

“No problem. You have to call me and tell me how he reacts.” She demanded.

I laughed at her, “I will.”

“Alright girl, I’ve got to go. I’ve been paged five times now.” She spoke swiftly and then hung up.

You dropped your phone down onto the coffee table and turned the TV on. You had no idea how you were going to tell Donghyuck. This was definitely not something either of you had talked about.

(...)

He’d been home for at least an hour now. The two of you were just sitting on the couch, watching TV. You couldn’t concentrate on the show because there was so much going on in your mind. Your face was hot and a blush was covering your entire body. You had no idea why but you felt embarrassed. You hadn’t even said or done anything yet. The tension in your body was building and you were starting to freak out. What if he had a horrible reaction? You never did talk about this. It wasn’t in the plans. Shit! You needed to get out of your head. You couldn’t start making things up. He didn’t even know yet. You tucked your feet underneath you and cradled the throw cushion into your stomach. You felt safer, almost like you were hiding your secret.

“Baby…” You murmured.

He glanced over at you, “Yeah.”

“We need to talk.” You said, immediately regretting your choice of words.

Now he probably thought you were breaking up with him. How did other people do this? This was the hardest conversation you’d ever had to have in your life. He raised an eyebrow at you, waiting for you to speak. You opened your mouth but stopped. You didn’t know what to say. Your heart was thudding in your chest and the adrenaline soared through your body.

"(Y/N)?" Donghyuck kept staring at you. "What is it?"

"Uhm..." you scratched the back of your neck. "I, I don't want to eat shrimp in our wedding."

He stared at you for a couple of seconds. "That is it?" You nodded, swallowing. "Baby, we can eat whatever we want in our wedding."

You hated yourself for lying to him. "I just... heard you say to Jeno you really love shrimp and I don't, so..."

"I don't really mind, love," he pecked you. "If you want to have tacos, then we'll have tacos."

You smiled. "Okay."

"Okay." He kissed you.

You couldn’t do it. You were too nervous.

(...)

You were all together in the cabin you rented, sitting around the coffee table filled with food and drinks.

“So, when's the wedding?” Jaemin asked, having a sip of his beer.

“Uh we still haven't set a date, but I hope it's soon,” Donghyuck replied and smiled.

“Hurry up before my baby bump starts showing!” Lena laughed. "And others things too." She glanced at you. You ignored her.

“Are you pregnant again?” Taeyong looked at her.

She nodded. "Yup, baby number two is coming next winter."

"Hey, congrats," Jaemin smiled. "I bet Hoseok is thrilled."

"He is, he wants twins," Lena rolled his eyes. "As if one wasn't enough."

Donghyuck giggled. "I'd love to have twins one day."

"You see, (Y/N)? Give him babies soon!" Lena smiled.

You rolled your eyes and Donghyuck put an arm around your shoulder. "We'll have kids as soon as we get married."

"You don't even hate a date yet," Jaemin mocked him.

You didn't know when Jaemin and Donghyuck became so close that they would bicker jokingly so often. And you found it funny, but that day you were nervous because you had to tell him you were pregnant. He deserved to know.

Taeyong tilted his head to the side, examining you. You looked different, your body seemed different. And the way you wouldn't look Donghyuck in the eye he could tell you were hiding something.

Then he knew. You were pregnant.

Later that night, you were doing the dishes when Taeyong showed up in the kitchen. He smiled at you as he poured  some water in a glass. He stood next to you, leaning against the counter. “How long are you?”

“Excuse me?” You looked at him.

He cocked his head cutely, smiling. “If I’m not wrong you’re pregnant, right?”

You sighed and nodded. “How did you know? Did Lena tell you? I’m gonna kill her.” You hissed.

Taeyong chuckled and shook his head. “I had a slight suspicion since the last time I saw you.”

You pressed your lips together. “6 weeks.”

“And… are we happy?” He rested his hand on yours.

“I am, I’m just nervous,” you let out an awe sigh. “I know he’s gonna be all happy, but still, it’s unexpected.”

“You’ll be fine.” Taeyong assured you. “Everything will be fine.”

“Promise?”

“When have I ever lied to you?” He cocked an eyebrow.

You giggled. “Never.”

“See?” Taeyong smiled. “Come here.” He pulled you close to him and hugged you. “I’ll always be by your side.”

(...)

“What are we going to do tomorrow?” Jaemin asked.

Donghyuck's eyes lit up, “There are several things we could do, how physical would we like to get?”

There was an extremely varied pool of answers. Jaemin and Donghyuck wanted it to be as extreme as they could get. You seemed anxious about what ‘physical’ would entail as physical usually also corresponded with danger.

Taeyong thought for a moment before recommending, “Why don’t we go down to the lake? It can be as low key or high key as people want, and there are some very pretty places nearby if people would not like to participate in the lake.”

Jaemin nodded, “Sounds fine to me.”

Lena whispered something to you and when they nodded Donghyuck's eyes lit up, “we're in as well.”

The next morning , you decided to make sandwiches for your trip later in the day while everyone cleaned up from breakfast, and then everyone left to go get dressed. Donghyuck put on their bathing suit underneath so he could easily change in and out of it, and grabbed their pair of sunglasses. He went out to the main area of the cabin to gather up the towels.

Taeyong arrived a few moments later, he had a sunhat on with round black sunglasses on. "Is everyone ready?"

Jaemin nodded. "We better go!"

The walk down to the lake was surprisingly calm, it was still morning and the birds were chirping, hidden in the trees, and the occasional butterfly would flutter across their path. The lake was stunning when you arrived. It was a large tranquil body of water which seemed to absorb the sun to show every possible shade of blue, and reflected it at just the right points so the ripples glinted and gleamed.

Donghyuck immediately tore off his shirt and sprinted for the dock as Jaemin and Taeyong followed him. Lena and you sat on the edge of the dock.

In the field there was laughter and joy, the three of them wove crowns and bracelets for each other.

"Why haven't you told him yet?" Lena queried.

You shrugged. "Becuase I'm dumb."

"Yeah, I know," she giggled. "You need to tell him before he realises it."

You sighed. "I'm gonna do it tonight."

She smiled. "Finally!"

"It's so cold." you said hugging yourself tighter.

Donghyuck grinned, scrunching his nose. "If you get in the water you'll get warm."

You rolled your eyes again. "You're not getting me into the lake."

Donghyuck pouted. "You sure, love?" He asked, batting his eyes.

You crossed your arms nodding your head. You didn't notice the way his arms snaked around your legs, having a slightly good hold on you. "I hoped you'd say that." Donghyuck had an evil smile on his face, causing you to look confused.

"I didn't say any- ahh!" Before you knew it, you were pulled into the lake.

When you broke to the surface Donghyuck was already waiting for you. You moved the hair from your face and glared at him. "Hyuck!" You yelled slamming your fists into the water. Donghyuck broke into a laughing fit. You glared at him, crossing your arms and turning away with a small 'Hmph!' Donghyuck was still laughing just a bit, before swimming up behind you. "Aw come on love, you can't be mad at me." He said wrapping his arms around your waist, resting his head on your shoulder. You weren't mad, but you wanted to tease him a bit. "Let go off of me."

"No," you felt him smile on your shoulder before he kissed it.

You giggled and rested your head on his shoulder. "I love you."

"I love you." He kissed your cheek. "I love you more than anything, you know?"

"I know," you smiled, caressing his arms . "But I like when you say it."

"I love you," he turned you and kissed you. "I can't wait for you to have my babies."

"Hyuck..." You looked at him. "You need to know something."

"What is it?" He stroked your cheek.

You opened your mouth but Jaemin called you two interrupted. You shook your head. "Let's go before he goes crazy. I'll tell you later."

"Alright, love."

(...)

"Please repeat again why did we need your private jet to come all the way here, Taeyong?" Lena questioned him.

"It was an 8 hour ride. I was not going to drive," He shrugged.

Jaemin laughed. "I could've drove."

"You're not the best at driving," you teased and everyone laughed.

"I'm gonna pretend you didn't say that," Jaemin rolled his eyes.

You all were in a suv on your way to the hangar where Taeyong's private jet was. You were coming back to the city after spending a few days out of town.

You didn't tell Donghyuck that you were pregnant since you weren't alone and when you have time for yourselves, he fell asleep. So you decided to tell him as soon as you two were home. It would be better.

After you arrived at the hangar destination, you got off of the car and grabbed your belongings. All of you went to the airstrip where the jet was already waiting for you. Everyone started to board the plane when Donghyuck let go off your hand. You looked at him. "I think I left my wallet in the car. I'll be right back."

"I'm gonna wait for you here," you say nicely.

He nodded and walked back in the hangar where the black suv was. He found his wallet underneath the pilot's seat and took it. He started walking towards the plane again and smiled when he saw you on the staircase. God, he was so in love with you.

A deafening sound echoed in his ears.

He blinked.

Donghyuck could you see running towards him - almost in slow motion - you were mouthing something and staring at him with fear, pain and… shock in your eyes.

Why were you shocked?

The right side of his chest felt sticky, and cold but warm in the middle. Weirdly warm. But it was not warm, it was hot and it hurt. Not like a punch. It was more like a pinch, that was blossoming into a cramp - a horrible, numbing cramp.

He was feeling light-headed and the cramp in his chest was getting worse. You were getting closer, but the distance between you two was considerable.

Another bang reached his ears a second later, it was loud, deafening, it made his ears ring. He stepped, no, stumbled to the side. Turning his head to see you, the look of acknowledgement and horror on your face.

He felt his blood on his hands, the heat and pain building up in his chest, the warmth of the sun seeping into his back. His knees gave way and he started falling backwards as his hand stretched out towards you.

His head hit the pavement with a startling thud and it felt strangely numb, he could hear you yelling for an ambulance. He blinked, closed his eyes for a second and suddenly you were there above him. You were cradling his face, saying something, tapping his face too hard.

"Hyuck!"

"-pen your eyes!"

"Come on Hyuck Please! Don't do this!"

"Babe, love, Donghyuck! You're okay, you're alright, you're gonna be fine. Please stay with me."

His back arched and he tried to curl onto his side and make the pain go away. His blood was still pouring out of him like a grotesque tap that couldn't be turned off.

"I-I love s-so m-uch. Y-you're t-the b-est t-thing t-that happened t-to m-me" He rambled.

"Don't do that. Don't say goodbye," you spoke, your voice cracking as a few stray tears fell from your eyes.

The blood that was coating his throat started clogging it instead and he couldn't breathe.

"You are going to be fin-" he choked

"It won't" You cut him off. "Hyuck, please. I'm pregnant, we're gonna have a kid. You're gonna be a dad. The best."

He tried to smile and looked at you weakly. "Take c-care o-of t-them, okay? I-I l-love yo-"

He was cut off by the blood in his throat that he coughed out onto his chin. The pain was spreading everywhere and numbing his brain.

And he took his last breath. He was smiling up at you.

“No. No! I’m not losing you! Donghyuck! I just got you! I'm not losing you! I’m not losing you… I’m not losing you.” You cried as you frantically shook him trying to bring him back to life but to no avail.

He was gone.

It wasn’t supposed to be like this. You were supposed to marry Donghyuck and raise your kid together. And two stray bullets weren't supposed to have struck in your fiancé's chest.

You weren't supposed to be trembling in front of the small white tombstone etched with the name Lee Donghyuck, but it was happening anyway.

You just wanted him to hold you; to tell you that everything happens for a reason, as he always did. You imagined him wrapping his arms around your waist like he always had, the way you now held yourself, alone.

Furiously wiping the tears from under your eyes,you began to make your way to your real destination from the graveyard. As you opened the door to the small doctor’s office, she gave you a soft sympathetic smile.

“Come on in, let’s see how your little bean is holding up.”

You nodded, sitting on the sturdy table for examinations in the back of the small office. You didn’t really notice the colors on the walls anymore, your eyes skipping over the medical tools meticulously lined up in the doctor’s preference of order.

You were four months along.

“Everything seems to be going well with the baby. But Y/N, you know that you need to eat more. It isn’t safe.”

Safe. That word didn’t seem real to you anymore.

“Are you hearing me? Please, I don’t like you living alone.”

You nodded. "I'll try."

(...)

Time went on. You were slowly running out of tears to cry around the eight month of your pregnancy. You still stopped by the graveyard to say hello to Donghyuck.

When she got back to your house, you found Taeyong parking outside. He had always been kind to you, respecting your space and distance.

“Hey you,” he greeted you smiling.

"Hi," you greeted back.

"I brought you some lunch."

You smiled politely. "Let 's go inside. I'm cold."

You got inside your house and went to the kitchen. Taeyong placed the food containers on the table. "How's the baby?"

"They're fine," you smirked. "Although I get heartburns very easily."

He nodded. "I'm glad you're doing better."

You sighed. "I'm... trying."

"And you know I'm here to help."

"I know."

You suddenly let out a low groan. He turned to you abruptly. “Are you okay, is the baby alright?” Taeyong, with a panicked look on his face.

“Umm, I think...I think I’m having contractions.”

It took a minute for this to process with him. "Okay, okay.. Okay, I'm gonna take you to the hospital? Okay?"

You nodded. "Is too soon, oh My God."

(...)

Taeyong ran his hand through his hair for what seemed like the millionth time as he paced in the waiting room.

He glanced down the hall where he knew your room was. He got called by a nurse. He went to your room and saw you connected to a lot of medical stuff and his heart ached.

You were in pain and when you saw him, you reached for his hand. Taeyong, grabbing your hand not even caring about your tight grip as he kissed your head, sweat be damned.

“(Y/N) ...it’s almost time for you to push, waiting any longer will mean an even greater risk for your baby.”

You nodded but let out a shuddering breath.

As nurses started coming into the room, he pressed another kiss to your head.

“You can do this.” He whispered.

Minutes later, you began to push.

He looked back at the baby girl. She was beautiful. And so small.

Taeyong looked up.

“She’s a fighter, just like his dad..”

Tears filled your eyes again.

Taeyong knew he wouldn't go anywhere, not since he had you all from himself and had gotten rid of Donghyuck.

He smiled, holding the baby. He was a dad.

Alternate ending is finally here !!

[night-unfurls-its-splendour]

The more I think about Edward and Alice's treatment of Jaspers reaction to Bella's control, the more I kinda hate them.

"What did I do?"

Edward looked at Jasper behind me, then at me again. "But she was remembering being thirsty," Edward muttered, his forehead pressing into lines. "She was remembering the taste of human blood."

Jasper's arms pulled mine together tighter.... "Yes," I agreed. "And?"

Edward frowned at me for a second more, and then this expression loosened. He laughed once. "And nothing at all, it seems. The overreaction is mine this time, Jazz, let her go. "

The binding arms dissappeared. I reached out for Renesmee as soon as I was free. Edward handed her to me without hesitation.

"I can't understand," Jasper said. "I can't bear this. "

I watched in surprise as Jasper strode out the back door......

"He'll be back," Edward said... "He just needs a moment alone to readjust his perspective on on life." There was a grin threatening at the corners of his mouth.

Another human memory. Edward telling me that Jasper would feel better about himself if I "had a hard time adjusting" to being a vampire. This was in the context of a discussion about how many people I would kill my first newborn year.

"Is he mad at me?" I asked quietly.

"Edward's eyes widened. "No. Why would he be?"

"What's the matter with him then?"

"He's upset with himself, not you, Bella. He's worrying about... self fulfilling prophecy, I suppose you could say. . . . He's wondering if the newborn madness is really as difficult as we've always thought, or if, with the right focus and attitude, anyone could do as well as Bella. Even now--perhaps he only has such difficulty because he believes it's natural and unavoidable. Maybe if he expected more of himself, he would rise to those expectations..."

-- Breaking Dawn

Gee willikers, Ed. I wonder why he thinks of himself that way.

Let's flash back a year or two.

Let me know if he gets too bad.

I was glad I couldn't answer her aloud. What would I say? My pleasure? It was hardly that. I didn't enjoy tuning into Jasper's struggles. Was it really necessary to experiment this way? Wouldn't the safer path be to just admit that he might never be able to handle his thirst as well as the rest of us could, and not push his limits? Why flirt with disaster?

....

I kicked his chair.

He met my gaze, his black eyes resentful for a second, and then looked down. I could hear the shame and rebellion war in his head.

"Sorry," Jasper muttered.

I shrugged.

That Edward has the temerity to laugh and speak so nonchalantly about Jasper's low expectations of himself when not two years ago he was suggesting that Jasper shouldn't BOTHER to lift those expectations at all, Injusghjkjjgfdghjjjjkkkknjhh 😡😡😡😡😡

AND THEN LET'S ADD ALICE TO THE MIX

"You weren't going to do anything," Alice murmured to him, soothing his mortification. "I could see that."

I fought back the frown that would give the lie away. We had to stick together, Alice and I. It wasn't easy, being the freaks amongst those who were already freaks. We protected each other's secrets.

"It helps a little if you think of them as people," Alice suggested, her high, musical voice racing too fast for human ears to understand, if any had been close enough to hear. "Her name is Whitney. She has a baby sister she adores. Her mother invited Esme to that garden party, do you remember?

"I know who she is," Jasper said curtly. He turned away to stare out of the small windows that were spaced just under the eaves around the long room. His tone ended the conversation.

He would have to hunt tonight. It was ridiculous to take risks like this, trying to test his strength, to build his endurance. Jasper should just accept his limitations and work within them.

Alice sighed silently and stood, taking her tray of food with her.... And leaving him alone. She knew when he'd had enough of her encouragement.

-- Midnight Sun

So we have more of Edward's nonsense and this weird thing about how he and Alice have to stick together because they're freaks because they're gifted with psychic abilities (even though Jasper is gifted too and his power is just as invasive and he's more of an outcast because he struggles with control -- shouldn't Alice and JASPER be sticking together?) , but on top of that, we have Alice, Jasper's wife, lying to him, patronising him, and then JUST LEAVING HIM THERE.

I know I'm repeating myself, I've already ranted about this, but it's just infuriating that this is followed- up with some wank about how Alice and Jasper know each other's needs as well as their own, and are so close its like they can read each other's minds. If that was true, Alice wouldn't bother lying to him to make him feel better and giving him tips she's probably already given him a thousand times! She would say "You don't have to apologise, Jasper. I know. Just focus on me, okay?" Then, perhaps instead of looking anywhere else but at her, he might spend the rest of the lunch hour just holding her hand and squeezing it, when the struggle gets hard.

If Alice and Jasper are so intimately tied then why don't they act like it?

[floralamongtheclouds]

Hi ! I'd like to request a smut scenario for a jealous Yami and his beautiful fem!reader ? At the end of their date, his fem!s/o paid no attention to him while she was talking to an old friend so he gotta punish her that night for that ;). (Yami is my fav one in BC btw.)

Of course! And to let other readers know, they sent me a separate message clarifying that these prompts were 148 and 158 from the smut prompt list! Also, I don’t know why, but before I started writing for this request, I thought you had specified that Julius was the old friend, but I am now realizing you didn’t, but I’m gonna take some creative liberty and have Julius be the friend 

Warnings: NSFW/Spicy, swearing

Jealous!YamixFem!Reader 

148: “I’m not jealous! It’s just... you’re mine.”

158: “I’m gonna fuck you so hard that you forget that guy’s name”

The date had been going well... at first. At least, that’s how Yami felt, but you looked like you were having the time of your life.

Of course. Of fucking course that pompous, butts-his-head-into-everything Wizard King just had to be at the same place you two were, and just had to come over and start talking to you, and just had to pull up a chair, thus forth stealing all of your attention.

Yami wasn’t quite sure how long the conversation that the two of you were holding had gone on; could’ve been twenty minutes or two minutes, all he knew was that it was going on for too damn long. Sighing for the umpteenth time, he rolled his eyes over to you, hoping to catch your eye and signal to you that Julius needed to fucking leave, but you were too enraptured with whatever you were talking about. You were smiling and giggling at what Julius said to you, making Yami’s blood boil. He was the one that should’ve been making you act like that during your date, not the Wizard King.

“You know,” Yami stood up, quickly getting fed up with how the night was ending, “I actually forgot we were late for something else we had planned for the night. Come on, y/n.” Moving around the table, he grabbed your arm to pull you up from your chair while simultaneously throwing down a bag of coins for the meal, not really caring if it was too much or too little.

“O-oh,” you sputtered out in surprise, “Ok. Well, it was good seeing you Julius!” Your sentence getting increasingly louder as he pulled you farther away from the table.

“See you next time, y/n, Yami!” While Julius sounded chipper in his goodbye, his face showed confusion. While Yami had a blunt way of ended a conversation, he never left during the middle of a meal. Something about not letting good food going to waste or something.

“We have something else planned?” You questioned turned around after waving goodbye to your good friend. “You didn’t mention anything past dinner when we talked about going out?”

“Not necessarily,” Yami grumbled, scrambling to come up with an excuse, “I was just finished eating and didn’t want to spend all night in that stuffy restaurant.”

“No you weren’t? We weren’t even halfway through eating!”

Now, it wasn’t like Yami hated Julius or anything, hell he was technically the reason why you and him met, but the fact that he just crashed your date with no second thought made Yami agitated to the highest degree.

“Yami, what’s going on?” You demanded, digging your heels into the ground to get him to stop pulling you around.

“I was just ready to leave, ok?” He huffed, turning around to face you. You squinted your eyes at him, tilting your head slightly. It was obvious that you were thinking about the nights events to see what caused him to act the way he was.

“Yami, are you... are you jealous?” 

“I’m not jealous!”

You quirked your eyebrow, challenging him to explain that if he wasn’t jealous, than what was going on?

“It’s just... you’re mine. I had this really nice date set up for us and suddenly you were giving all your attention to Julius...”

Your eyes softened at his confession. “Oh, babe, I didn’t even think of it that way. Still, you could’ve just told Julius what was going on, I’m sure he wouldn’t have batted an eye. Regardless, I’m sorry.” You wrapped your arms around his broad shoulders and instinctively he wrapped his arms around your waist. He his is face in the crook of your neck, unable to look you in the eyes as he realized he may have overreacted just a little bit, but he was never going to admit to that. Doing so, though, he missed the mischievous smiling forming on your lips as one of your hands started to slide down his chest. You tilted your head slightly to whisper in his ear, your mouth lightly brushing up against it.

“Can I make it up to you?”

Thankfully, the rest of the Black Bulls were already passed out by the time the two of you had made it back to base, so no one saw how Yami couldn’t keep his hands off of you or heard your soft giggles that followed. He quickly pushed you into his room, closing the door by slamming you against it.

“I’m gonna fuck you so hard that you forget that guy’s name,” He murmured into your ear, “You’ve been very naughty tonight, I think you deserve punishment. Don’t you?”

Your breath hitched at his words, heat already pooling low in you. You nodded vigorously, not trusting your voice as he started to slide his hands down your sides to play with the top of your skirt.

“Use your words, sweetheart.”

“Y-yes sir.”  

“Good girl.” He purred before quickly shoving down your skirt and panties in one quick motion. You didn’t have time to comprehend what he had done as he was already picking you up to lay you across his lap while he sat on the bed.

“Do you remember the safe word?” He asked you, breaking character for just a moment, while lightly rubbing your bare ass.

“Yes.” You squirmed, grateful that he was double checking that you stayed safe, but your body felt like it was buzzing with anticipation and you just wanted him to get on with it.

Without warning, his hand loudly spanked your behind, causing you to cry out. You could feel heat bloom where his hand had landed, but instead of hurting, it made you feel so deliciously good. He spared you no time, quickly spanking you again, but this time you bit your lip to quite the loud cries that were coming from your mouth.

“Now, we can’t have that, baby girl,” he pulled on your hair to left your head up and meet his eyes, “I wanna hear every noise that comes out of that pretty little mouth of yours. I want everyone to hear you, so they know exactly that I’m the only one who can make you feel this good.” He smacked your ass to prove his point, this time you let the loud groans tumble out. “Understood?”

“Yes, sir.” You panted, giving him the go ahead to continue is ministrations.

You lost count on how many times he had spanked you, seeing as the pleasure coursing through your body clouded your mind and your vision, leaving you a panting, whiny mess. You were sure that you had left a mess on him as you could feel the wetness from your dripping cunt leak down your legs, practically begging for attention.

“Feeling good, baby?” He asked you, rubbing loving circles on your cherry red ass. All you could manage was a feeble “Mhm.” as most of your concentration was set on not just giving into the pleasure and basically rutting yourself against his legs, seeing as that would just result in more punishments and you didn’t know if you could last that long without some form of release.

“You’ve been such a good girl for me,” he gingerly moved you so you straddled his waist, “I suppose I should reward you. Would you like that?”

“Yes.” You moaned out. The bulge in his pants pressed just right against your core and it took all you had to not start grinding down it.

“Yes, what?”

“Yes, sir. Please, I’ve been so good, I want... no, need you inside of me...” You couldn’t stop the breathy words from spilling out of your mouth; your body felt like it was on fire with need.

At your statement, Yami couldn’t do anything but grip your waist and lightly buck his hips into yours, causing you to moan out, finally feeling that friction you so desperately craved.

“Well, when you beg so nicely, how can I say no to you?”

That was the only warning he gave you before flipping you over and pinning you to the bed with his thighs. He ripped his shirt off, throwing it somewhere in the darkened room, and met your lips with a fiery kiss. His hand trailed down your body and stopped at your pulsating core, gently sliding a finger in to pump in and out of you.

“God, you’re perfect,” he broke your kiss to moan into your ear, “so eager, so wet, just for me.”

“Just for you.” You repeated back, reveling in the feeling he was giving you, but you still wanted more. You felt him shudder at you words before he briefly pulled away from you and you heard the sounds of his pants unzipping and falling to the ground.

You wanted to whine at the loss of contact, but you knew better than to do something that would warrant more punishments. While you felt like you were going to implode from the teasing, you knew he could go all night and you didn’t want to test those waters at the moment.

He reappeared in your vision, on top of you once more. A flash of teeth was all you got from him before suddenly he fully bottomed you out with his cock and set a brutal pace.

“Fuck!” Was all you could cry out as your hands found purchas on his biceps. He moved your legs up so he could drive deeper and deeper into you.

You didn’t know how much longer you could last and he could sense that, so he reached down to start rubbing at your clit, causing you to scream out in pleasure as pressure started to coil tighter and tighter inside of you.

“Do you wanna cum for me,” he rasped at you, panting hard in between in each word, “Cum like the good little slut you are?”

“Yes!” You practically yelled out. “Yes! Please! P-please let me cum!”

“Then cum.” As if his words had power, you came right then. Yami rode you out through your orgasm, his coming not too long after yours. He didn’t stop slowly pumping in and out of you until you whimpered out from overstimulation and he rolled over to your side, wrapping his arms around you to pull you close to his chest.

“You ok?” He started running his fingers through your hair.

“Mhm,” you nuzzled even closer to his chest, “I feel amazing.”

“Good,” he lightly pulled you away for you to look into his darkening eyes, “Because our night has only begun.”

Smut prompt list

[themonkeycabal]

Wandavision Ep 5 Spoilers

Wherein I watch Wandavision at a stupid hour of the morning because I do not sleep like a regular human being, and sometimes I have things to say.

Previously on Wandavision, we all discovered that Darcy Lewis and Jimmy Woo were the BFFs we never knew we needed and now can't live without. Also Wanda reminded us that she's really scary.

We should be in the 80s now, right? Ahh the 80s. Leg warmers, Aquanet, and MTV.

Baby shenanigans with crying twins. Wanda tries to magic them to sleep and it doesn't work. "Maybe we just need some help." And in pops Agnes without waiting for them to answer the door. As you do in a sitcom hell. She's got a headband and leg warmers on and is on her way to jazzercise. Of course. Is the point of Agnes to really anchor us in a decade? Asking for real. She's very "this is the era, and these are the tropes, let's all play along now."

Vision is very protective of the babies, to such a degree and with such intensity that Agnes literally forgets her line and nervously asks Wanda if she wants her to take that again. Well, then. Agnes very super a lot does not want to be wished to the cornfield. 

The babies stopped crying during the whole "should we do this scene again" interlude. Vision noticed the weirdness and is trying to figure out what's going on, Wanda is trying very hard to pretend everything is normal. Agnes is being super duper bizarre in the background. And suddenly the twins are like three years old. Agnes has given up and got into the liquor. I don't blame her.

Opening credits. Okay, I'm sorry, 'baby' Vision is almost more stupidly funny than I can take. Like … what? I think I want that as my new icon, though. Also the credits are too long. I think they were very proud of their theme song, so we have to hear it all. These are my least favorite so far. Very 80s, but meh.

In the real world, Monica is getting x-rays and giving a report on being yeeted from Wanda World.

Jimmy Woo and Darcy are there to greet her at the end of the exam. "This is Doctor Darcy Lewis." Yes, she is! Still very proud. She's also the doctor of encouraging people to wear pants, shoving a pair at hospital gown-clad Monica. Erik's no-pants phase was very scarring.

The medic comes back and says the medical tests didn't work or something. The medic wants to do x-rays again because the first came back blank and also she's going to have to do another blood draw. Hmm. Monica is still somehow affected by Wanda World? Unclear on how that would work. Some sort of weird witchy radiation-like energy? Monica says 'no' to more needles and also wants to put pants on. Just let the woman have her pants.

Now we're on to a briefing with the acting Director of SWORD whose name I don't remember. He's very "government suit" bland, I have a hard time caring about anything he says. Also, does anybody else pronounce the 'w' in SWORD in their head when they read it? Like I cannot make my brain stop doing that. "s-WUH-ord'.

"Our initial theory had Wanda Maximoff as one of many victims. We now know she is the principle VICTIMIZER!" Settle down there, acting director guy. Why not say 'subject', 'suspect', 'perpetrator', or boring old 'cause of the anomaly". VICTIMIZER! Geez then. I'm going to guess his solution will be a tactical nuke or some such rot.

Jimmy gives background on Wanda.

Acting Director Guy: "The twins were subsequently radicalized, volunteering at Hydra." Jimmy Woo: "That's an oversimplification of events, but yes." I'm giving you heart-eyes Jimmy Woo.

"After unspecified experimentation with the mind stone, Maximoff gained telekinetic and telepathic abilities."

Then a weird aside where the Acting Director — who shall now be known as Acting Director Dick — wants to know if Wanda had a code name or a something, seeming to imply that not having one made her a bad guy?,  and then he points out how the first time she used her powers it was against the Avengers. He totally just ordered a tactical nuke from "overreacting-government-douchebags r us".  I hate this particular character trope, the government heavy who never listens to anybody and is always ready to napalm the suburbs because reasons. It's so tedious.

Jimmy points out that Wanda earned the Avengers trust and then became an Avenger herself, thank you very much. Acting Director Dick doesn't care, he's decided Wanda is a terrorist and he'll turn half of New Jersey into a glass parking lot to get rid of her. Sure am glad he's in charge of some sort of mysterious and powerful agency.

Jimmy Woo is not a fan either, and he walks back over to his new bestie and tells Darcy that while he tries not to speak ill of anybody … Darcy interrupts "then allow me", and she has no trouble saying that Acting Director Dick is, in fact, a dick. That's my girl.

Elsewhere AD Dick is blathering on about how they don't negotiate with terrorists. Well, since Wanda hasn't made any demands, or released a manifesto or anything …. Monica also points out Wanda is not a terrorist. AD Dick twists her report to make Wanda sound as terroristy as he can. I'm bored with him now.

Monica argues with him a bit and say she doesn't believe Wanda World is a premeditated act of aggression. I vote Darcy, Jimmy, and Monica wait until AD Dick is alone, and then they shove him in a locker for the rest of the season. If anybody asks he had to run back to sWUHord for meetings or something, "Darn, you just missed him. I'll tell him you're looking for him. Great. Buh-bye now".

AD Dick needs to make his big jackass point that Wanda is the most terroristy terrorist who ever terroristed, so he shows off footage of Wanda breaking into a SWORD facility to steal back Vision's body. Because that seems terroristy and not at all like some sort of emotional breakdown. As far as I can tell, she just busted open a few doors, but didn't hurt anybody. I think AD Dick doesn't know the meaning of the word terrorist.

And, yes, then she resurrected Vision in an idealized sitcom world in a small city in New Jersey. That's exactly like something a terrorist mastermind would do. Mmmhmm. Is it nice for the people trapped there with them? No, clearly not. Agnes and Herb in particular seem aware and are scared. They need to be rescued and Wanda needs LOADS of therapy. But Director Nuke the Site from Orbit over here isn't going to make anything better. Darcy, sister, shove that asshole into a locker stat.

Jimmy notes that stealing Vision's body is a violation of the Sokovia Accords. And while I appreciate his dedication to maintaining the Accords … well, I mean, look, it's body theft and all. It's not a great look; I absolutely allow that. But you can just sort of stop there. Though, that's very the Sokovia Accords "if this guy dies, his body must go to a shadowy government agency. for safety. yep."

Also Vision had a living will, where he didn't want to be used as a weapon. Sure, okay. Because I'm sure SWORD was just totally not doing anything at all with his body. Nope. Look, I'm totally a SHIELD girl and even I wouldn't necessarily trust SHEILD with that. So, who is SWORD to me? Pfft. I'd give him to Thor or something and ask him to be buried far far away. I'm just saying. I'm supposed to trust Johnny-Come-Lately S-WUH-ORD?

(In my head now is an inter-agency rivalry where SWORD is like "We have rocket ships!" and SHIELD is like "lol, our lead scientist got eaten by a rock and survived on an alien world for like six months". "But rocket ships?" "We've traveled through time a dozen times in the last year alone. We're a bigger chaotic disaster than you can ever hope to be".)

AD Dick undermines his own "SHE'S A TERRORIST!" thesis by saying she acted out of grief. And then he dismisses everybody. "Work the problem!" Uh … whut? Fine? What is the problem? That she's a WILD MURDERY TERRORIST who must be stopped! or a grief stricken woman who stole her technologically advanced boyfriend's body and probably should be talked down? Acting Director Lack of Clarity.

Jimmy wants to know how Wanda could have resurrected Vision without the Mind stone and Darcy wants to know what Vision will do when he figures it out. Fine questions, friends, fine questions. Monica is just like "acting director dick used to be a buddy but now I kind of want to punch him and am very conflicted. oh and wanda kind of freaks me out but also i feel bad for her" only she says all that without words.

Tommy and Billy are now about like 5 or 6 or something. I'm terrible with kids ages. They're up to shenanigans. Oh, they found a lost puppy dog and they're giving him a bath in the sink. It's all super adorable.

Vision wanders in and greets his family all formally and in his human face. He says he has a premonition someone might pop over. He's not a fan of sitcom neighbors either. And there's Agnes now with a dog house. How does she know whether to enter through the front door or the back door?

The dog tries to burn the house down by licking an electrical outlet? so they name him Sparky (harr harr) and Wanda magics him a collar with Agnes right there. Vision's all "wtf darling?" and she points out Agnes didn't even notice when the boys went from babies to five-year olds, she certainly didn't notice the magic collar. Agnes is trying very very hard not to notice anything. Poor Agnes.

Wanda says she's tired of hiding her abilities and Vision is Very Concerned. He's starting to figure things out.

They tell the boys they can't have a dog until they're 10, so the boys grin at each other and age themselves up to 10. That is all very unsettling. Agnes "Let's just hope this dog stays the same size." as she screams internally "save me!"

Real World. Jimmy's hustling back to the science room with coffee for Monica and Darcy. Monica is asking for some sort of wild mobile bunker to help her get back into Wanda World and Darcy's like "well, yes, but also no". But Monica knows an aerospace engineer who'd totally make it for her.  

"I can't guarantee the Hex won't just mind wipe you as you go in." "What's the hex?" "Oh, it's what I'm calling the anomaly because of it's hexagonal shape. It's starting to catch on." Darcy's so proud, but Jimmy's like 'not so much' but he's too polite to say.

Monica's determined to go back in. Jimmy wants to know who the kids are, if they've id'd them or the babies and Monica's all "oh, no, those are legit Wanda's." Darcy says if she can make stuff with her mind, and all the props and whatnot in the Wanda World are real then she's wielding an insane amount of power. Monica is sure she could have taken out Thanos if he hadn't cheated and snapped her. Jimmy thinks Captain Marvel could have done it. Monica very much doesn't want to talk about Captain Marvel.

Monica has an Idea!

Ah, she wants to see her outfit from Wanda World, which is now in the real world. So, is it real matter Wanda created, or is the perception field bleeding over to make them all see that outfit in the real world. That would have been hella awkward if Monica got yeeted out of her clothes.

Monica confirms they're real then steals Jimmy's gun and shoots them. Ahh, she was wearing a kevlar vest when she went into Wanda World, and that changed shape to be her super fly 70s outfit. "Wanda is rewriting reality." Changing things to fit the hex. So they'll send in something that doesn't need to be changed. Um. Sure. Fine. I don't know what that means, or how that would help in this context, but I'm sure I'll find out.

Meanwhile, Vision is at work, and all his coworkers are amazed at the actual computers. Golly shucks. Computers. Hey, so, computers have been around since the 40s. ANYWAY.

"Should we surf the internet?" We're progressing rapidly through the 80s. Oh, lol, Darcy sent an email. And the whole office creepily reads it out loud. Vision is very weirded out. As well he should be. He wipes the computer with his glowy synthezoid powers and then he glowies Norm when Norm tells him 'none of it is real'. Norm wakes up "please help me. what day is it? how long has it been?". Oh dear. Poor Vision. This is all going to go so very badly. Norm gets very freaked out begging Vision to "stop her". Vision resets him.

At the house the boys wonder where dad is, and Wanda tells them it's Monday and he's at work. Except the boys are all "um, no, it's Saturday". Wanda, your house of lies is tumbling down! You shouldn't have let them grow up so fast. Babies don't ask inconvenient questions about why Daddy needs some space from Mommy and her questionable choices for their shared reality.

Wanda takes the opportunity to impart the 80s family sitcom trope of the weekly life lesson about how family might fight, but they still love each other and family is forever. One of the twins asks if she has a brother. She does. He's far away. But, Sparky goes barking at the door. Wanda looks far away herself. She goes to open the door and Sparky runs out.

Monica has sent in a drone from the 80s. Well that wasn't really a thing. But, how does the 1980s rc plane look more high tech than the 2020s drone they sent in first? Talk to your design team, SWORD.

Anyway, Wanda spots the drone, but she's keeping it out of the broadcast, because she's the editor and director and producer of Wandavision, of course.

Monica announces herself and tries to get Wanda to acknowledge her. Whoops. Wanda's eyes go glowy. AD Dick says "take the shot" and Monica's all "what? no, the drone isn't armed." Except of course it is, because AD Dick is a monumental dick, and he's got a backup drone pilot who takes the shot. Wandavision goes off air. And, oh no, there's a breach at the Hex!

Lol. It's Wanda coming through, dragging the mangled corpse of the drone with her. That was entirely deserved, AD Dick. I hope she shoves it up your ass, dick.

"The missile was just a precaution". AD Dick backpedals quick, like a coward. You gave a three second attempt to talk to Wanda before you pulled the trigger, I don't like you. "You can hardly blame us."

Wanda warns him to stay out. "You won't bother me, I won't bother you." Okay, well, he does kind of have a point, in that there's a whole town of people who are stuck as bit players in Wanda World. That's not very nice. I mean, surely she could have found a nice empty spot somewhere and created her sitcom utopia. That's at least a fair criticism.

Monica tries her best to talk Wanda down. It doesn't work particularly well.

"What do you want?" "I have what I want and no one will ever take it from me again." And she mind controls the soldiers training their guns on her, to turn them on AD Dick. Whoops. And Wanda goes back to her world. The Hex glows all red as she goes.

And we go to commercial. Lagos Brand paper towels. "For when you make a mess you didn't mean to." Wow, so that was brutal. Wanda's not mad at you, Monica. She's just carrying a lot of guilt. Ouch.

Back in Wandavision, the boys are looking for their dog. They find Agnes hiding in the bushes with the dog. Poor Sparky apparently ate some azalea leaves and died. The boys are very sad and Wanda warns them not to age up. They can't run from their feelings. Oh Wanda. "It's too sad," Billy says. "You can fix anything mom," Tommy cries, "Fix the dead". Yikes.

Wanda "I'm trying to tell you there are rules in life." Poor Agnes is trying not to have a total meltdown. "We can't reverse death. No matter how sad it makes us. Some things are forever."

Billy and Tommy try to talk her into bringing back Sparky. And Vision turns up. Well, this is just brutal.

Vision is entirely outside of Wanda's control. "I spoke with Norm. I unearthed the man's suppressed personality and I spoke to him free of your oversight." Yikes. "He was in pain, Wanda."

Okay it's kind of funny they're arguing over the end credits. Vision is very very pissed. "I'm scared." Aww.

Wanda insists she's not in charge of every life in Westview. "I don't know how any of this started in the first place." Huh. Is that really true? Because she's pretty sure of it now. Somebody or something convinced her into a sitcom world and now she's just like "yeah, this is good"? really asking.

Ding-dong.

"I didn't do that." 

Vision: *doubt*

DING DONG

Wanda goes to answer the door.

In the real world, alarms are blaring but Darcy notices a new revelation on Wandavision.

Wanda Word — and it's Pietro at the door. See! I knew it had to be Pietro who'd be the surprise guest thingy. I mean it's hilariously X-Men Pietro (Evan Peters, like @lewstonewar suggested), but Pietro nonetheless. There's nobody else it could have been.

Darcy be all WTF? "She recast Pietro?" lol

Okay, Wanda seems legit shocked. I don't think she did that. And I super really don’t think she’d make him sound like a NYC cabbie. 

And end.

Well. I mean, I'm not sure what to think. Wanda insists she's not controlling everything. I don't think she created Pietro. But, she totally stole Vision's body and created the kids and seems mostly happy in her sitcom universe and she can traverse the Hex, which obviously suggests its her doing. Dunno. I have questions about Agnes and her convenient timeliness here and there.

The mystery continues.

Disney wants to know if I want to watch Age of Ultron next. How poorly you know me, Disney.

[k-s-morgan]

You know, I always look forward to and dread your updates. Don’t get me wrong, I love your writing, your metas and all the fics you have written but ‘What he grows to be’ gives me such an upset feeling. Maybe dark stories are not my cup of tea but I’ve read dark stories before and they haven’t affected me the way yours does. Throughout the whole story my heart feels heavy but I can’t bring myself to stop reading. Also I have a question: could you please explain Harry’s devotion to Tom? Like I don’t study psychology or anything so I’m not an expert (so correct me if I’m wrong) but I don’t see a reason for Harry to sacrifice so much for someone like Tom who is nothing but cruel towards him. He’s been condescending always treating Harry like a helpless thing who needs looking after. He is cruel and manipulative and has a complete disregard towards anything about personal boundaries. I mean he’s basically ,in a loose term, a psychopath. I can understand the way you write Tom, I don’t get the way you’ve written Harry. He’s so weak. He has none of that courage he used to have in the books. He doesn’t have that spirit that made me fall in love with him. He gives in so easily. He forgives easily. He has no morals left. He’s not the Harry I know. Like he literally excused multiple murders Tom committed because he loves him? It’s just so hard to comprehend. I tried to put myself in Harry’s place and instead of feeling sympathetic towards him, I felt angry at how much he has lost himself. I don’t see any thing good in Tom. I would understand for Harry to love him with such abandon if he has anything good in him. But Tom has done nothing but made him suffer. Why did Harry change so much? Just because he only has Tom in this world? Because he raised him? Tom was never a helpless, innocent child for Harry to feel compassion towards him. He was cruel and manipulative from the beginning. It just frustrates me how Harry keeps forgiving Tom and then apologizing to him after his ‘punishments’. It might be cruel for Harry to ‘die’ as a punishment but still does it warrant him forgiving Tom so easily after the atrocities he has committed? It’s a complex situation, I understand and truly I don’t mean to offend you or anything. I’m just trying to understand. I’d love to hear your thoughts on this because you know them better than I do as it is your own story. I don’t know if it makes me a bad person but it always gives me so much satisfaction to see Tom suffer even though it’s for such a short time. Please tell me he won’t get away with everything like always does and that Harry won’t just forgive him easily like he usually does. Because what Tom just did was so cruel and horrifying that I was in shock when I read it. The way he used Harry’s weakeness against him... sorry for the rant!

Hello! First of all, thank you so much for such a long and detailed ask - it's always great to know that my work affects people, even if it evokes so much frustration :D I firmly believe in the death of the author concept, so I don't feel like I can impose my understanding of characters on my readers. Everyone sees them in different ways: some readers think Harry overreacted, others think he should kill Tom and be done with it, etc. What He Grows to Be is certainly a disturbing story, and I think it differs from my other works because Tom and Harry are very different. With Will and Hannibal, violence and manipulations are mutual while here, Harry is genuinely kind and empathetic, and Tom takes advantages of that.

As for my personal view: I don't think Harry is weak. I think he is very fucked up, even more so than in canon because he had to live through even more trauma after the war in WHGTB. In canon, being understanding, forgiving, and empathetic are some of Harry's major traits. It always shakes me to think about how he named his child Albus Severus after two people who caused him so much pain. Yes, Dumbledore loved him in his own way, but ultimately, Harry was his weapon. Years of abuse, every interaction, every test - everything was done with a purpose of manipulating him into being a perfect self-sacrificial hero. And yet Harry still loves Dumbledore with devotion, he still holds awe for him. Same with Snape: yes, he wasn't as terrible of a person as Harry imagined. He suffered a lot, he tried to redeem himself, but Harry never saw anything but hostility and derision from him. And yet he forgives everything to the point of naming a child after him because Snape loved his mother and took care of him. 

Harry didn't hate his relatives after years of abuse. He managed to feel empathy even for Voldemort, and not just once. He tried to give him a chance during the final battle, tried to make him see where he went wrong - that speaks of a unique kind of compassion and a big lack of self-worth. In WHGTB, due to the circumstances, all these traits are amplified.

As it could be expected, the story of Harry's all-encompassing love for Tom started with pity. When he first adopted him, he felt reserved and wary. He didn't like him, he didn't trust him, but he still started to grow attached to him because that's who Harry is: he can't share meals, teach, talk, and decorate house with a person without feeling something for them in the process. When Tom broke the vase and tried to repair it, terrified and guilty, Harry's pity and attachment won out. In that moment, he saw a little fragile boy who was never loved and who craved approval and acceptance. And Harry was determined to give it to him.

For a while, like you said, Tom was rude and condescending. But he showed he's capable of regret and remorse. He tried to heal Harry after hurting him; he listened to him with fascination during lessons and was willing to change his ideas; he laughed and cooked with him. Affection got stronger, and with it, what seemed annoying started to come across like lovable quirks. Harry despised Tom's showing-off at first, but then, after he got used to him and his company, he started finding it funny and endearing. He invested all of himself into this child, making him into his life goal - he couldn't not love him. He started to live for the small moments of Tom's affection and acceptance. His love for Ron, Hermione, his parents, Sirius - it combined and focused on Tom alone because in many ways, Tom was the key to making sure that when these people are born, they live a fulfilling and happy life. In Harry's mind, the more he loved Tom, the more chances of succeeding he had, and then the boundaries of this love started to blur, and Tom began to genuinely outshine every other person he has ever known because he was there and others were not.

When Gringotts happened and Tom's perception shifted, Harry was showered with his absolute devotion and focus. You said that you don't see anything good in Tom, but Harry does - and it's also important to remember that before Beth, Tom was very careful about not letting him see his real face. In Harry's eyes, Tom learned to help others, like when he offered his hand to a Muggle boy. He discarded the ideas of blood superiority and developed a far more moral outlook.  He learned to be caring, worrying about Harry when he's sick, making potions for him, covering him with a blanket at night, helping other students, achieving equality, etc. Tom's devotion is a completely irresistible thing to Harry because he's always been responsive to kindness, no matter how limited it was.

After Beth, it was already too late for him. Love and empathy are a terrible weapon in  Harry's case: he can't just unlove someone who has become his main life purpose. The only way is to try to understand Tom, and as long as this understanding exists, Harry finds an ability to forgive him.

You said Tom has done nothing but make him suffer, but for Harry, that's not true. 80% of time he spends with Tom is the happiest time of his life. Tom became the only person in his world, the person Harry poured of all his love, loneliness, and longing into. Tom is a family Harry never had. He was a child Harry could relate to, so he spoiled him, argued with him, shopped with him, and basked in the happiness of making him smile; Tom was a friend ready to listen and reassure, to discuss how their days passed, to do something fun together; now, Tom has started to slowly growing into something more. The celebrations, the shopping, the holidays, the flying - all these are happy memories for Harry. The only major instances of pain were Beth and now Charlus. Harry feels shattered every time Tom comes close to acting on his darkness, but as compared to the time they spend together, happiness still exceeds the heartbreak.  

When it comes to breaking his limits, Harry doesn't forgive easily. He didn't speak to Tom 6 months after Beth and he subjected him to a terrible trauma as punishment; the thought of Tom killing Charlus almost drove him crazy, but he couldn't ignore the fact that it happened before the system and that Tom has been trying since then. After the ritual, Harry leaves - and yes, I can assure you that forgiveness is definitely not coming any time soon! Although as the toxic cycle of their relationship shows, Harry can't really stay away from Tom indefinitely either.  

Harry is happy with Tom, and he knows Tom loves him. He understands that Tom is a psychopath and that ordinary criteria cannot apply to him, and so he struggles with making sure that Tom follows a lighter path while praising him every time there is some progress. In many ways, Harry succeeded: Tom is not planning on massive destruction. He doesn't discriminate; he made sure that other purebloods became more tolerant; he still wants power, but he's getting to it in ways that don't presuppose violence and murder. Every time Tom shows darkness, it's in an instance concerning Harry.

Harry loves being loved, even though Tom's love is not healthy. He loves being protected because this is something he missed severely in his first life. A big part of him wants to be taken care of, to let go and just enjoy life without constantly having to make difficult decisions. Tom gives him that, and under some conditions, they could be happy together, finding a perfect balance.

Alas, it's not going to happen any time soon (or maybe at all ;)!    

[dammitadolfnomorecake]

Once Bitten, Twice Stupid prt 92

92

   Lance lived up to his warnings over having nightmares. His boyfriend waking up screaming four times during the night, the last time the worst as he’d barely fallen back to sleep in Keith’s arms before he was shaking and moaning for help. Keith wanted to go back in time and kill Nyma and Rolo himself.. not for the first time and probably not for the last time. With how much of the night Keith spent awake, Shiro let him “sleep in”, creeping into his bedroom a little after 8 as Keith dozed. Cuddled into him, Lance was drenched in sweat, despite his body being as cool as ever. Blearily, Keith blinked at his brother over Lance’s head

“Ugh?”

“How’s he doing?”

Stroking Lance’s hair, Keith hated how useless he’d been at calming Lance back down. His boyfriend would wake up, start crying, cling to him, then cry himself back to sleep

“Sleeping...”

  Shiro nodded in sympathy. All-nighters with nightmares fucking sucked. Lance hadn’t been violent towards him, but he’d tossed and turned plenty

“Coran’s called. He asked if you both could come in... I told him about Lance, he said it was best to let him rest”

“Mhmm... do I...?”

He hadn’t slept enough to be rested, but he wasn’t awake enough to string a sentence together

“Yeah. He said he wanted to talk to you about something he’d discovered. He was very apologetic about it all”

“When?”

“He thought it best you head in now to get it out the way. I can keep an eye on Lance”

Why couldn’t Coran come to them? Moving seemed like effort... and Lance really needed him right now. But it wasn’t as if he could say no

“I’ll... up”

“Okay. I’ve got your coffee waiting”

   Lance didn’t wake up as Keith extracted himself from his boyfriend. The fever had him concerned, as did whatever Lance was currently dreaming about. Showering and dressing in the first things he found out his closest, Keith carried his coffee mug to work with him, making it clear he’d been disturbed. Meeting him at the elevator, Coran seemed to have had a sleepless night too. Neither of them particularly talkative as they headed to Coran’s office.

  Finishing the last of his coffee, Keith stared into the cup hoping it’d magically refill. Coran letting out a long breath as he sat himself down in his chair

“I know you’re eager to get back to Lance, so I’ll keep this as brief as possible”

“He didn’t sleep well... he kept waking up thanks to Nyma and Rolo”

“He seemed very shaken last night”

��We talked for a bit... Sendak scared the fuck out of him”

“He scares me, if I’m honest. Now. I thought I’d let you know that your night wasn’t spent in vain. The Blades managed to extract some audio from your recordings that they’re following up”

“You called me down for that?”

Caffeine deprived Keith was a snappy Keith

“That and I thought you’d like to know the initial results on those samples”

  That got his attention, Coran noticing

“Now, that first sample. The blue one, we couldn’t make heads or tails of, though it did give us some clues on the bag itself. The handler had trace amounts of grease and diesel on their hands. The Blades are running their own analysis on it, and believe the bag it was in may provide some leads. The second sample has me concerned”

“How so?”

“I was hoping Lance would be here for this... we did have a conversation the other night...”

“He told me freaked out over his smell”

“Ah. That makes things easier. I wasn’t sure if he’d confided in you as to wanting to stop his heat or at least find a contraceptive that’d help. In the sample you obtained, we found an unusual mix. For the most part it was dried blood, however, upon running more tests, I’ve determined that it’s... I suppose you’d call it a werewolf viagra. Designed for werewolves predominantly, the formula has been slightly tweaked and traces were lifted off your clothes. I wanted to see if Lance was displaying symptoms”

The last thing they needed was werewolf Viagra. Matt and Rieva were horny enough as it was

“He had a fever when I left...”

  Coran frowned as his fingers went to smooth the edge of his moustache. Keith knew that fever wasn’t a good sign. He should have made Coran come to them

“That’s not a good sign. It may be emotionally related, though it may also be related to what you all breathed in last night. Is it possible for you to bring him in?”

If Lance was up for it, he would have been right here beside Keith. Coran should really know that

“He’s not up for it. Those nightmares were really bad... he barely slept at all”

“Then I want you to monitor him. I told him the other night we were still trying to figure out how to help him, and how to keep his hormone levels stable. It’s all been a muddle with Lotor. I may be overreacting...”

Overreacting was better than under reacting

“I’d rather know so I know if something does happen...”

“I thought you would. As I said, I did wish to talk to both of you, and I’m sorry I couldn’t leave here. I’m in a smidge of trouble for withholding evidence”

  The Blades could go jump. Lotor had sent them there for a reason, not the Blade members. Lotor wanted them to have whatever information was to be found... or maybe he just wanted to show them Sendak and remind them of their mortality.

  “That’s not your fault”

Coran hummed, tilting his head slightly

“That’s very kind of you to say. I’ll let you head back to Lance. If his symptoms don’t worsen by evening, he’ll be fine to return home. I do have some medication I would like him to try, just to counteract what’s in his system at the moment. It’s a bit like ingesting bad blood, and his body needs a bit of a boost to remove the last of it. Normally he burns through things quite quickly when he’s stable, making finding a way to keep a sustained dose in his system hard”

“He was really upset. He wants to do more things together. I didn’t know how freaked out shopping had made him”

“He has a soft heart, and he’s most smitten with you. I’m ashamed I’m still working on it. Though I did tell him I wanted to leave his hormones to settle for three months...”

  Keith vaguely remembered that... and Lance’s six month probationary period. Surely now Kolivan and Krolia knew Lance, Lance’s life was secured. He wouldn’t be above emotional manipulation should Krolia decide otherwise. That and he really would never forgive his mother if he lost Lance

“You know what he’s like. He’s convinced himself we can’t do anything together because I’m in danger”

Coran sighed deeply. The kind of soul deep sigh that Keith felt

“You both are, I’m afraid. His scent is quite noticeable. I have had a few vampires, and werewolves, comment on it. I’m afraid that I might not be able to give him what he wants as fast as he wants it. I may be onto something contraceptive wise. The scent... I truly believed would settle in time”

Maybe if Lance hadn’t been pulled into his world, it would have? His boyfriend had had such a quite life before he’d come along

“Basically we’re being too impatient, aren’t we?”

Coran smiled as he nodded

“You are. Young love can be that way. I remember that feeling all too well. Now, I’m going to give you an injection for him. You may call it the hopes of an old man, as well as a slight experiment, as it’s far better for him to go into heat naturally. I’ll need you to draw some of your own blood before injecting him”

  That reminded him. Lance would be proud if he could see him operating on one cup of coffee. Not only was he talking, he was remembering like a functional human

“Coran, you said before that fresh blood would help him...”

“It would, but he can’t have things both ways”

“What makes fresh blood so different?”

“Think of it like your cup of coffee. When it’s warm, it leaves you feeling much more satisfied... though, perhaps that’s not the right way to word it. Say you were starving, your choice between a fresh crisp apple and an apple with the onset of rot. Both will cure your hunger, though the crisp apple tasted better, it’s better for you, and you feel better for eating it. I’m not explaining this right... There’s more life in fresh blood. Magic if you will”

Keith nodded... Vampire welfare was on the BOM official study guide. Keith had to continually remember that they were full of shit

“Like remote control batteries. Fresh blood is like fresh batteries and last longer. Blood bags are like half used batteries that keep you going until you replace them with other half used batteries”

Coran’s eyes widened, his smile broadening to being too big for the hour of the morning

“Number two, that’s the best description I’ve heard to date. I might have to use it myself. Now, you really best be home. Allura will be meeting with Lotor later, she’s assured me he’s fine with meeting with her alone”

“I think Lance dented his ego”

“More like he smacked across the face repeatedly with a newspaper”

  They both smiled at the thought. Keith didn’t see whatever Allura saw in Lotor. All he saw was an unnecessary complication. Standing up, he stretched, muscles protesting thanks to how he’d spent the night holding Lance. If Allura wanted to meet with Lotor it really wasn’t his business, all he wanted was to get home to his boyfriend.

   *

Lance slept on, Keith feeling guilty about injecting his boyfriend while he was sleeping but didn’t want to wake him now he was finally resting peacefully. Thanks to that it turned into a lazy day, Keith pulling on his pyjamas and conking out next to his boyfriend. Leaving his phone unguarded, it wasn’t until nearly 4pm that he woke, roused by Lance waking up. Peppering kisses to Keith’s cheek, Keith smiled as he hugged his boyfriend close, determined that Lance wouldn’t feel judged over his nightmares

“Good morning, sleepy head”

  Nuzzling into Keith’s cheek, Lance was relaxed against him

“Hey, hot stuff”

“What brings you to a bed like this?”

“My boyfriend... My amazing boyfriend”

Keith’s smile widened, playing along

“Oh yeah?”

“Yeah. He has no idea how much he helped last night”

“He sounds like a keeper”

“He is...”

  Falling into a comfortable silence, it was broken by Kosmo who’d heard them. His paws scratching on Keith’s door, whining pathetically to be let in. Shiro collecting him up before letting himself into Keith’s room. Carrying the excited puppy over, he dropped Kosmo lightly on the pair of them

“You’re lucky I don’t charge babysitting fees”

“Don’t be like that... what’s the time?”

“Nearly 4. Pidge says you’re disgusting”

Keith groaned in confusion. One minute he was having cuddles, the next Kosmo was climbing over him and Pidge’s name was being brought up

“What did you do?”

“I may have sent a photo or ten of you two sleeping to your chat”

“Shiro!”

He was going to kill his brother

“It’s your fault for not locking your phone and I wanted to let them know you guys were both alright”

  That word “alright” seemed to linger in the air. Lance going tense as if he expected Shiro to yell

“I’m sorry for last night”

“Nah. It’s alright. As long as you’re feeling better”

That desire to murder faded when Keith realised his brother was trying to reassure Lance that he was still welcome here and that having nightmares wasn’t about to wind up up with him evicted

“A lot... I’m sorry they were so severe”

“It’s okay. Nothing compared to some of the nightmares we’ve been through, and it’s not something you can help or control. Curtis is out in the living room if you two feel up to being human”

“I guess I’m staying here...”

  Keith took a moment to process before groaning, Lance kissing his cheek. His boyfriend wasn’t funny

“You’re a shit”

“I’m dead... and I probably look like shit, but I’m not sure you’re using the right descriptive words”

“You’re an idiot crumpet”

“And you’re a cranky caffeine needing anger loaf”

Keith couldn’t disagree. Shiro laughing at the pair of them

“I’ll let Curtis know you’re coming out”

“He already knows”

That smooth fucker. All Keith could do was groan again at Lance.

  Skipping showering, Keith lent Lance some of his clothes to wear. His boyfriend pulling off the cliche “stolen boyfriend hoodie” happily. Heading out to the living room, Curtis smiled at the pair of them

“Good to see you awake. Sorry I couldn’t come back last night. Coran got in trouble for bringing us along”

Lance stalled mid-step, head jerking up, looking like a deer in headlights

“Fuck. Lotor...”

“I’d rather not”

Now he had Curtis doing it too. Why were all their friends so weird?

“Noooo. Shit. We should have met with him by now”

Placing his hands on Lance’s shoulders, Keith pushed him towards the sofa

“Allura’s got it handled”

“She does? How do you know she does?”

“Because I saw Coran this morning. Now sit down already, I’m feeling exhausted already trying to guess what’s going on in your head”

  Lance obediently sat, Keith flopping down next to him

“What do you mean you saw Coran?”

“I mean I saw him. He called earlier”

“What did he say? Is Allura okay?”

“Allura’s fine. He wanted to talk but you were sleeping so I went in to find out what was going on”

Lance frowned hard. Hard enough for it be adorable

“You should have woken me”

“It’s fine. We had a chat. Blades got some leads to work on and we all got slightly drugged. No biggie”

  Shiro fumbled the mug he was holding as the smoke alarm started beeping. Lance hissing and covering his ears. In the kitchen the toaster had gone up in flames, Curtis moving to open the windows, Shiro moving to deal with the toaster. Unplugging it, he dropped the device in the sink, turning the water on to douse it in a way that couldn’t be safe. Flying up the sofa, Kosmo shook as he panted, trying to climb up Keith’s chest

“Turn the alarm off!”

“On it!”

  The whole sequence of events took place in the space of a few minutes. Lance and Keith both wide awake now. It’d been a while since anything had gone up in flames in the kitchen... as if they’d been lulled into a false sense of security. Turning alarm off, they all breathed a sigh of relief as the noise died

“Sorry ‘bout that”

Keith was confused by Curtis apologising

“What are you saying sorry for? Shiro’s the one in the kitchen”

“I should have hit the alarm before doing the windows”

“Don’t blame this on me. There’s nothing in the toaster”

Rubbing at his ears, Lance sighed

“Why does it have to be toasters? Why can’t it be something less flammable?”

Keith didn’t have an answer. Shiro was in the kitchen meaning it was his fault

“It’s the first time Shiro’s killed one here”

Shiro quick to deny

“Again, not my fault!”

“None of you should be allowed in a kitchen. I’ll clean up, and as I do, I want the three of you to sit on the sofa and have a good hard think about your actions”

  When Lance was determined, it was impossible to talk him out of something. Curtis and Shiro both looked sheepish sitting on the sofa next to Keith with their hands in their laps, Keith’s resting on a traumatised Kosmo. The three of them too scared to talk properly

“He’s your boyfriend...”

“I’m not getting invoked”

“We weren’t anywhere near the toaster”

“Doesn’t matter. Shut up. You’ll get us in trouble”

From the kitchen Lance called out

“I’d like to say I know you know I can hear you. You’ve all lost your rights to touch a toaster”

Keith kicked Shiro in the side of the leg with a glare. He’d worked hard to have toaster privileges again

“Now look what you’ve done”

Shiro gaped at him. His brother had brought this on himself

“Me? I didn’t touch it”

“Doesn’t matter. You got me in trouble”

“But I didn’t do anything. Curtis, back me up”

  Curtis decided now was the time to check under his nails for imaginary dirt

“Did you say something?”

“Traitor. You’re supposed to be on my side”

“As an experienced toaster killer, it’s best you accept your punishment”

“I’ll punish you”

Ugh. Gross. He didn’t need to think about that

“Bring it. What are you doing to do? Grind my horn down?”

“No, but I might paint your tail while you sleep”

“Oh good. I was thinking it needed a fresh coat of fuck off”

Delivered deliberately, Keith felt Shiro’s soul take damage. His brother had no smart reply for that. Instead Shiro crossed his arms, leaned back into the sofa, and looked away from the both.

   Seeing they’d been banned from the kitchen, Lance made sandwiches for the four of them. Keith wanted to help, but all it took was a look for the words to die unasked. Lance wanted to feel normal, so was doing something as mundane as making sandwiches. Presenting them nicely, with coffee for three of them, his boyfriend then sat on the arm of the sofa

“Okay. You can eat now. I’m probably going to head back to Garrison tonight”

Lance wasn’t going to ask about being drugged?

“Coran said you should stay... to make sure you’re okay. I had to give you an injection of blood and stuff to help get everything out your system”

“I did wonder why my arm hurt. Did he say what it was?”

Keith blushed, mumbling

“Werewolf viagra”

“What?!”

 Screeching, Lance nearly fell off the sofa arm backwards. Hands flaying before grabbing the arm of the sofa and saving himself

“Werewolf what?”

“Viagra. Traces were on our clothes. It’d been like adjusted or something. Coran wanted to make sure you didn’t go into heat or anything”

Angrily, Lance huffed

“Oh, so now he can do something about it...”

Whelp. Fuck

“He said it would be burned through in your system and you needed a bit of jump start with that”

“I feel shitty enough without this viagra. Why the fuck would they be using it in a vampire club?”

Keith shrugged

“I don’t know... You’ll have to ask Coran”

“Because that won’t be an awkward conversation. Can you imagine Matt if he sniffs it in me? He’s horny enough as it is”

  Shiro choked on his sandwich, hitting his chest with his fist

“I don’t need to think about that”

“Neither did I. Did he tell you what I’m supposed to feel?”

“You had a fever and he was worried it’d turn into a heat”

“Great. So a guy can’t have a fever these days without being secretly horny... Thanks, life”

Curtis braved the cranky Lance

“He does have a point. A fever is a prime indicator that you’ve gone into heat”

“Not that kind of fever...”

“You also had an incredulous stressful night. Personally I believed you would turned into a bat”

“Your confidence in me is startling”

“You are swayed easily by your emotions”

  Keith winced in sympathy for Curtis. It was nice knowing him

“And your feet smell like parmesan cheese. Sometimes facts fucking suck”

It seemed Curtis would live to see another day. Keith, no longer as blind as he’d been, could see right through all of this. This was Lance doing that mood thing when things got too much and he tried too hard to make them all feel better. Yeah. He was onto his boyfriend. That irritating fake perk... that he found not as irritating when it wasn’t directed in his direction... Lance loved everyone in their friend circle so much that Keith couldn’t blame him for wanting things to feel normal between them

“That’s not my fault”

“And my emotions are what keeps me sane, though hanging out with you lot makes me question why I bother”

“Because we’re interesting?”

Lance sighed, Curtis calming him down with those three words

“I can’t deny that. And who the hell sprinkles werewolf viagra over a crowd of vampires? It’s like asking for us to be chased by horny mutts. I feel exhausted thinking about the way we all acted and now I find out that some wanker thought it was okay to drug my boyfriend. Being a vampire sucks. I want to punch someone in the dick for this”

  Keith snorted. The infamous dick punch threat was bound to come out

“You’re not alone there. I think Coran would punch them too”

“How did he even find out what it was so fast?”

“By the look of it he worked all night”

“He’s an idiot. He’s going to burn himself out if he doesn’t rest. You said we got leads?”

“Yeah. Someone slipped some stuff into Allura’s pocket. They’re still working on it, but the second lot was definitely viagra and blood”

“I’ll bet you a hundred bucks Sendak was experimenting last night and came to check the results”

  Keith shook his head. Now Lance suggested it, it seemed very likely that was the case

“I’m not taking that bet. You’re probably right. You’ve got a good instinct for these things”

“It comes with being old and tired of people... and vampires. I’m tired of vampires. I’m a tired old vampire tired of vampires”

Keith forced down his laughter. Lance wasn’t that old for a vampire. Plus, they were both old and tired of people

“You poor thing. Come sit in my lap and tell me all about it”

His boyfriend hissed at him

“I feel personally attacked now. You could have denied it”

“In the words of Pidge, “Merp””

“You can’t quote the gremlin against me. She’s magical. She’ll hear”

Pidge was magical in her own way. She was unbeaten with a laptop in her lap. The world should really fear her and her tenacious spirit

“She should write a book”

“How to “Merp” according to Pidge?”

“Pretty much”

“Maybe if she did, they’d give up this stupid fucking hunt. Did Coran say how long I have to stay I town?”

“He said you can go home if you’re still okay this evening”

  Keith would have preferred Lance stayed so they could be sure the vampire was truly okay

“I don’t want to drive back, but I have to make sure they’re still all okay. Especially after last night”

“I know”

Not that it made it easier to say goodbye. Lance reminded him of when he had to see Shiro at every chance he got to make sure Shiro hadn’t been killed like Adam

“I think I deserve cuddles for this...”

“I did offer my lap”

“I know. I’m coming in...”

Curtis’s sharp wit struck again, commenting as Lance climbed off the sofa arm

“Really? I do believe Shiro said you were coming out”

  Closing his eyes, Keith sighed to himself in the moment it took Lance to club into his lap. Why did their friends have to be so weird?

[starrynite7114]

snapshots: assumptions

A/N: I cannot believe I have been regularly updating, but the muse has been so strong. I would like to thank @iambabyharry​ for listening to my crazy vents about this story. 

I would just like to apologize now, there is some angst in this chapter. 

If you would like to be added to the taglist for snapshots, please let me know!

Hope you all like the update!

Taglist: @iambabyharry​; @thegirlwhowritesfics​

Masterlist

“You can’t do this,” Rafael frowned as you packed your things. Ares was lying beside Rafael, watching you as well as you placed clothes in a box. 

“Rafa, I just,” you sighed, holding the edges of the box that had your clothing. “He’s having a baby with Adelita, I don’t want to be here for that. I can’t take that.”

“You don’t even know that! It’s all assumptions at this point!” Rafael was frustrated to say the least. Your spontaneous actions were definitely causing his blood pressure to rise since he knew he would have to deal with the aftermath. Angel was going to come knocking on his door, demanding to know where you were. “You always do this, you need to communicate with him.”

“There’s no point, he would want me to stay and I can’t do that. I know it sounds selfish, but this is just like my father.” You purse your lips, taking the box down.

“Angel is madly in love with you, don’t be stupid.”

“I’m due to be in Arizona next week, there’s no changing my mind now.”

Rafael groaned. “You’re such a pain in the ass.”

“I don’t expect you to agree with my decision, but as my best friend, can’t you just show me some support here, Angel has been cheating on me.”

You always knew it was too good to be true. That the ship had sailed for Angel when it came to Adelita. She most likely rejected him and he ran to you. That thought was always at the back of your mind and you could usually keep it at bay but after everything that has occurred the last month and a half, your decision had been made.

It wasn’t a spontaneous decision. At first, you could live with the recent revelations you found out. There were other options after all if you could not have kids. But finding out still broke your heart.

======================

You sat down, awaiting for the nurse to call you. After having your yearly check-up with the doctor, you decided to schedule an appointment with an OBGYN since you were much more sexually active than you have been before. No birth control as Angel specifically asked that you stopped. At first you were opposed to it, but at this point, you were ready to have children, you’ve been ready. You had your initial exam with the OBGYN 2 weeks ago and now, you were following up.

“Ms. Y/L/N,” you heard the nurse call out. 

You stood up, giving her a smile as you walked past her. She led you to one of the examination rooms, sitting on the bed. You waited for the OBGYN to come, anxiously waiting for her to come. Coming here was a bit premature, but you just wanted to make sure everything was in order. You and Angel were ready to have kids. It was a big step, considering everything that you both had going on, but there was never really a good time to have kids. 

What mattered was that you were both financially stable, to some extent, and you would be able to provide for your children. 

It frightened you, but it felt right at the same time. You couldn’t explain it, but you were ready, especially since Angel was so eager to have a child. He was going to be a great father, you just knew it. He doted over your niece whenever she was in town and you couldn’t want to see Angel with a daughter of his own.

Your OBGYN, Dr. Preci walked in, giving you a warm smile as she always did when you’ve seen her before. 

“How are you?” She greeted as she sat in front of you.

“Good, kind of eager, how are you doing?”

“I’m well, busy day as always,” she opened your folder and a quick grimace graced her face before it went back to a smile, except it looked tighter than before. 

That made your stomach churn.

“When you have sexual intercourse with your partner, do you use protection?” 

You shook your head. “No, I guess in some ways we’ve been trying to have a child.”

Dr. Preci nodded her head. “I see,” she wrote some notes down. “We checked all your lab works, which showed abnormal hormone levels, which we can easily prescribe medication for. However, your ultrasound was a bit concerning.”

“How so?”

“Well, uterine fibroids were noted in your ultrasound and with your history of irregular periods and uterine fibroids, we would like to do further testing to assure that everything is well in order.”

“Further testing?” You were frightened, did you have cancer? Your irregular periods never bothered you since it was nice to not feel pain for a long period of time. Your periods were always so painful. Whenever you did have your time of the month, you were always incapacitated due to the pain. For some reason, you always thought that this was how it was normally for everyone and Midol did help every once in a while.

“We cannot guarantee till we get further testing, but I’m afraid that you will not be able to conceive a child.”

======================

You remember the day so well and after further testing, you found out 2 weeks ago that you couldn’t have children. You felt as if you were stabbed in the heart, over and over again as the words repeated in your head. Ares was your companion for 2 days, refusing to talk to Angel as you knew it would greatly disappointment him. When you finally had the courage to speak to him, your world shattered all over again.

======================

Taking a deep breath, you exited your car that you parked outside of the scrapyard. You could do this. You and Angel could adopt or even discuss other options with Dr. Preci. Waving a quick hello to Chucky, you walked quickly towards the clubhouse. But you halt your steps when you see Adelita, a very pregnant Adelita with Angel. You felt your heart clench as your eyes landed on Angel, with a look of such admiration and happiness, caressing her abdomen. 

Adelita cupped his face, softly caressing it and you couldn’t breathe. Quickly, you turned around and made your way back to your car. You faintly heard Chucky call out to you, but you were in your car, already thinking of a way to leave. You were finally able to live with the fact that you couldn’t give Angel a child. But you never even thought that he could have another baby with another woman. You wouldn’t be able to stay by his side as selfish as that sounded because you wouldn’t fully have Angel.

With Adelita pregnant, that meant he must have cheated on you. She didn’t look more than 6 months and you’ve been together for close to 9 months. You felt sick to your stomach as the picture replayed in your mind.

You weren’t going to be the other woman, this just reminded you of the situation of your father and how he left you all for another woman since your mother could not conceive another child. It hit far too close to home. 

You made the decision then and there that you were leaving. You were going to break up with Angel and that unborn child could have a complete family with Angel and Adelita. 

======================

That was 3 weeks ago and you’ve been playing your part with Angel since then. 

You played like nothing was wrong, but you knew Angel could tell you were pulling away. You weren’t actively avoiding him, but club business has kept him away. The movers were going to be here in an hour to bring your stuff to the moving truck and drive it to Arizona for you. Rafael was going with you to drop you off and he was gonna fly back to San Diego.

This was the cowards way out and you knew that, but you couldn’t help it. You didn’t pack up your whole apartment, just most of your clothing was going with you. The company you worked for provided your housing that was furnished. The only thing you truly needed was your own personal items.

“I am your best friend, which is why I’m trying to prevent you from making a big mistake.” Rafael helplessly watched as you went back in your closet to get another box of clothing done. 

“So you’re saying I should just suck it up and watch Angel have a baby with another woman?”

“Ugh, you’re being so difficult! Of course not, I just want you to get all your facts checked before moving to another fucking state.” Rafael has had this argument with you numerous times, but once your mind was made up, it was hard to change.

“For what?! The facts are there! How do I actually know he’s doing club business? They’re working with Adelita now.” you felt the tears well up and fall from your eyes. You never went into depth with Rafael on what the club did, it was for his own safety after all.

“Babe, I get it, but you’re overreacting without even talking to him.”  Rafael felt it was a moot point to try and sway you, but he had to try. He thought you and Angel were perfect together. If you only saw what he saw every time you were with Angel. And for a person who once threatened Angel’s position in your life, Rafael experienced first hand just how much Angel cherished you .

“You don’t get it, it never made sense. Angel’s gonna be just like my dad who left my mom cause she couldn’t conceive any longer. I’m just beating him to the punch.”

“This is actually insulting towards Angel, you think Angel is going to be just like your father? How could you even think that? Angel is nothing like your father.” 

Your father left your mother when you were younger. You never truly understood till your mother explained what happened. She didn’t try to make your father look like an awful man, he made his choice since he wanted more children. Though, your father has tried to reach out to you and your sister, he was happy with his new family and quite frankly, you didn’t want him anywhere near you. 

“I didn’t think my father was an asshole too till he never came back.”

“This is misplaced anger, I think you need to talk to Angel and straighten this out.”

“There’s no point, besides he’ll just lie to me.” Your anxiety has been at an all time high as of late. You hated how the insecurities that you’ve tried to bury for years have been plaguing your mind, no matter how hard you tried to push them away. Rafael made complete sense, you should talk to Angel, but you had nothing to offer him. Adelita was someone Angel was in love with, he told you so and now, she’s pregnant with his child, something you could never give him. Maybe you could stay by his side, but you knew you wouldn’t be able to do so. Knowing Angel has possibly cheated on you and conceived a child, that was too much for you to bear. You should have known this was something that was coming, everything was too fucking good between you two. 

“Your anxiety is really doing a number on you, I know it’s not something you can control, but he’s your best friend, you know him better than anyone.”

“I know him better than anyone, that’s why I know what he’s going to do. Angel Reyes is a charming man who knows how to get himself out of trouble,” you slightly chuckle at your own description of Angel. “I love him so much that I’m willing to let him go.”

“You’re making a big mistake babe,”

“I’ll live with the consequences.”

======================

Angel quickly made his way up the stairs of your apartment, not even waiting for the elevator. He had to see you. He hasn’t seen you in a few days and all he wanted to do was hold you. It was a tough few days with the altercation with EZ then the information Happy had given them. All he wanted to do was tell you all about it as he held you. If anything, he wanted to hear all about what he missed out with you. He hadn’t spoken to you for a day since he wanted to just travel home and talk to you then. 

Opening your apartment, he was surprised that Ares didn’t greet him by the door. Even though Ares was still loyal to you, he warmed up to Angel to some extent.

“Baby!” He called out to you. 

Closing the door behind him, he removed his boots and kutte. His eyebrow raised noticing that your apartment seemed so much more bare. He knew you liked to clean every other weekend since Ares’ fur got all over your things. Usually you were at Angel’s on the weekends, but since he wanted to surprise you, he didn’t let you know he was coming back.

“Baby girl!” He figured you walked Ares or something, the dog did have far too much energy for his own good at times. 

Angel walked further inside your apartment and became nervous. Ares’ bowls were not in your kitchen. Ares had his own bowls at his house, so there was no reason for his bowls to not be there. 

“What the fuck,” he murmured as he noticed that your Keurig was no longer in the kitchen.

He was confused to say the least. He ran over to your room and there were less pillows on your bed. Your charger was not by your bedside drawer. Your computer was missing from your desk. He walked over to your closet and it was almost bare. Angel’s heart dropped. There was no way you moved. He must be in another fucking apartment. Maybe you went on a vacation or something. He couldn’t wrap his mind around you leaving without so much of a word.

“No, this is not fucking happening.” Angel wasn’t even sure what to think, all he knew was that this was a fucking nightmare and anxiety was slowly taking over his body. 

Walking out of your room, he noticed an envelope on your kitchen counter. He quickly grabbed it, ripping it open, a set of keys dropping on the counter. It was the keys to his apartment.

Opening the letter, he sank to the floor as he read it.

Angel,

I’m sorry you had to find out in this way, but I moved. Please don’t come look for me. I grabbed my stuff from your apartment, if I left anything, please just throw it away or sell it, whichever you want. Please leave my keys in the mailbox so my landlord can come collect it.

Just remember, all I want is for you to be happy and I’m glad you’ll have that with your family. I always thought that we were a fluke and you deciding to give us a chance because you didn’t want to lose our friendship, I’m grateful for that. I understand if you mistook your love for me as your friend for something more, no hard feelings. 

I will always love you, but it would be best for us to just admire one another from afar. 

You’re the best thing that ever happened to me. This isn’t on you, this is on me. I don’t deserve you and you should pursue the person you truly want to be with.

Love always, Y/N

Angel reread the letter numerous times, trying to decipher the message. Was this a cruel joke? He wasn’t fucking laughing. He crumpled the paper, refusing to believe this letter. You would talk to him, this fucking letter made no sense.

What family?

What person?

You were the only person he wanted to be with. This just made no sense to him. Who the fuck were you talking about? He’s made it clear time and time again that it was you and him from here on out. 

Did someone kidnap you? There was no fucking way, he would know. If someone kidnapped you, they would have made some noise by now. 

He took out his cellphone, dialing your number. It rang and rang, but no answer. He called you 10 times and every time, there was no answer. 

Then the thought crossed his mind, what if you left him for Gabriel?

He shook his head, that wasn’t possible. You didn’t even speak to Gabriel, there was no way you left him for another man. But the idea screamed at him at the back of his mind. 

What did your letter even mean?

Mistaking this relationship as a scheme to keep you by his side? The more he thought of the words you put in that letter, the angrier he became. He knew he did a number on you by promising to marry you when you two were older, but he always thought it was for your own good. He was going to be your last choice because you were able to experience other people and at the end you two were meant to be together. He didn’t know it would backfire so hard that you would be insecure about his feelings for you.

This was ridiculous. You weren’t going to leave him, there was no fucking way. This had to be a cruel prank. 

He fucking prayed it was a cruel prank. 

Angel got to his feet, rummaging through your apartment. He noticed that there were less things around, things you used day to day were no longer scattered around your apartment. Before Angel could even register, he left your apartment, getting on his bike and rushed to his apartment. 

Once he arrived at his apartment, he looked through his closet and drawers. As you had stated, your stuff was gone.

Angel didn’t even notice EZ was in his living room, calling out to him. EZ went inside Angel’s room and found his brother with his head in his hands, sitting down at the edge of his bed.

“Angel, you okay?”

Looking up at his younger brother, EZ saw the tears in his brother’s eyes. “She left me.” His voice cracked as he told his brother.

“What?” EZ wasn’t certain he heard correctly. 

“She fucking left me Ezekiel!” Angel shouted. “Y/N left me man,” he whispered, “she fucking left me.”

EZ watched as his brother fell apart in front of him, not believing his words. You would never leave him. You and Angel have been attached to the hip ever since you two were teenagers. With everything you’ve been through, EZ never thought you would leave him.

“There’s no way, she wouldn’t leave you.” 

Angel took out his phone again, calling you. Your voicemail was what he got once again. 

“Baby, this isn’t fucking funny. Pick up your phone, please, let’s talk. What’s going on? We can talk about this.” He pleaded before hanging up and calling you once again. Again, no answer. “Call her.” 

EZ took out his phone, calling you and much like for Angel, you didn’t answer. “Hey, you okay? Can you call me back? You have us worried here. Whatever is going on, let us help you.” He hung up, looking at Angel who was holding a letter in his hands. “She left you a letter, what did she say?”

“That we’re done.”

Angel couldn’t wrap his mind around this whole thing. What happened? He didn’t talk to you for one day and you were gone? He didn’t do anything. He knew he didn’t. You weren’t petulant enough to not speak to him just cause you two did not speak for a day.

“It makes no sense,” EZ took the letter from Angel’s hand, skimming through it. “What person? What family?” 

“I DONT FUCKING KNOW!” Angel yelled out, the situation was so fucking frustrating. “How can she fucking do this?” 

“Don’t jump to conclusions, she’ll come back. She can’t stay away from you.”

Angel nodded his head. He shouldn’t. This was going to pass, it will. He was going to call you till you got fucking tired of hearing your phone ring. Once he does, you’ll straighten it out and you’ll be back in his arms again. He didn’t even give a fuck what your reason was, he just wanted you to come back.

But you weren’t. 

You weren’t coming back.

Not this time. 

[jacks-wylan]

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3.

“Are you sure that whatever you are hunting is here?” Jaskier sniffs, and Geralt hears some ruffling behind his back. He does not turn to see what he's doing, already knowing that even without looking at him. “Damn... these... tits... they are so fucking bulky... they are as annoying as they are flawless.”

Geralt snorts. “They are.” he says, without thinking. Then winces, and curses mentally.

“What did you say?”

Only then, Geralt turns and looks at Jaskier, seated elegantly on Roach with crossed legs – how can he sit like that on a horse, it's beyond his comprehension – , coat tight around him and a confused expression on his face. Good. He hasn't heard him. “I said that you have to shut. Your. Mouth. I'm hunting.”

“We're hunting for the last...” Jaskier counts with his long fingers, tapping against his lips at every number he thinks, dramatically. “Five hours, I daresay. If this basilisk was really here, it would have already come out of his hiding to, I don't know, turn us into statues? Bite us into our next lives? It would have done something, something!”

“It will eat you if you just don't shut up!”

That's one of the many reasons Geralt doesn't want Jaskier to come to his hunts. He has no self preservation, as always, and one of these times he'll get surely killed. And most importantly, Jaskier distracts him; he does it with his witty words, with his loud chatters, with his inebriating scent, with his... new... curves, with his eyes that keep looking at him expectantly, as if waiting for Geralt to surrender, to give in.

The little shit knows that Geralt is weak, and he's so, so close to crack.

“Yeah, sure. If only this fathomable basilisk really existed.” he yawns, and stretches his arms, “If only it existed, I would have made a perfect song for it. But alas, I have to disappoint my admirers. Oh, how I loathe to disappoint them.”

“It doesn't matter. You can't perform it anyway.”

If Geralt couldn't see it, he could have clearly heard Jaskier's flinch, and felt the wave of sadness coming off him. Shit. That was a low blow, after all they don't know for how long he has to still be undercover, unable to sing and dance, unable to do the things that keeps him alive without the risk to jeopardize his safety. They still don't know where to find a mage – even less the same witch that turned him into a boy when he was just a teenager – and the wait, and the uselessness is making Jaskier sad, unhappy. Geralt hates the thought of him unhappy.

“Right. Too bad. I would really have made a beautiful song.”

Geralt sighs, and– well, if he just drops his guard for less than a minute, enough to make Jaskier smile again, nothing bad would happen, right? After all, it really seems that Geralt chooses the wrong moment to go hunting the monster of his contract. “I will find a mage as soon as possible, Jaskier.” he says, walking slowly towards him, “Everything will go back to normal.”

And there it is, his smile. Every time he does that, his lids slightly flutter, before closing his eyes while his lips stretch wide open. Almost non–existent wrinkles appear right above his round cheekbones, and Geralt feels like he's walking on water, like he's been the best man alive to have this just for him – but he's not his, not his.

But then, Jaskier talks. And like every time Jaskier starts to blab – being for embarrassment, for stupidity or the Gods just know what – blood starts to boil in Geralt's vein. “Not too soon, my dear witcher. I still have to gift my virginity to a very lucky man, then I can say to have experienced really everything in life!”

Geralt feels his face twists, “You do not have to.”

“Yeah, I don't have to.” Jaskier cocks his head, looking at him through long lashes, “But I want to. Modestly, all the women I made love with, they tested this, this grand pleasure, a pleasure that I, sadly, cannot compare to mine, considering I never experienced it before, but it seems so, Gods, so rip–roaring. Now I have this opportunity, and I don't want to give that up!” he sighs, and, horrifyingly, he sounds so dreamy. “The man that will give me such immense pleasure is waiting for me, out there.” then, Jaskier looks straight into his eyes, “I just have to find him.”

“That's bullshit.” Geralt says, through gritted teeth, “You will just, just throw yourself into the arms of the first man willing to bed you.”

And is that an unbearable thought, after all. He feels his blood run cold through his veins, his skin prickles and his muscles tense just thinking of Jaskier being touched, being manhandled, being violated by a stranger, an unworthy man. It's always been painful thinking that, even when he was a boy, but now... now, fuck, it's his first time.

Geralt would never forgive himself – even if it's not his fucking business, nor his fucking fault – if the experience Jaskier so much wants turns out to be disappointed. Or worse, painful.

“If that man won't let himself be found, I will have to settle with what I get.” Jaskier shrugs, and leans to caress Roach's mane. She neighs softly, and Jaskier smiles, content. “I can't wait forever, even if would like to.”

Geralt lowers his eyes, cursing mentally. He knows what Jaskier wants, and he wants it from him. Geralt is not so stupid, he can clearly catch the hints Jaskier is throwing at him – but he can't surrender to him, he can't. He can't stain him, and destroy him as he did with everything – everyone – else. Does that mean that Geralt has to see – hear, fuck – him being fucked by some stranger? A stranger man who'll never be worthy enough – as will never Geralt, after all?

Yes. Yes, fucking Gods, yes.

“Uh, Geralt?” Jaskier's voice seems hesitant. Geralt raises his eyes, hoping he doesn't resemble like a deer caught by a lightening, he doesn't want Jaskier to see the turmoil he's feeling inside himself. But Jaskier is just looking at him with a frown, and with a raised hand. Slowly, he gestures him to come closer, and, of course, Geralt does that without much of a thought. “Come here, you have...” he trails off, while Geralt finds himself right in front of him, still seated someway on Roach.

Jaskier licks the palm of his hand, and Geralt has to remember how to breath again. Fuck, how can he be like this, so sensual doing the most stupid things! Then, he puts the same hand on his cheeks, rubbing whatever is staining his face. He has a very concentrated expression on, and his tongue – Gods, his tongue – is peeping out his lips absentmindedly, his attention all towards the action he's doing. While his palm is rubbing with force against his stubble, Geralt just enjoys his vicinity, the sweet and slightly salty scent of his sweat, the rosy colour of his lips so upclose.

Jaskier raises his eyes, and locks them into his. They're close, too damn much close for Geralt's liking – actually, Geralt likes that very much, but he cannot let him see that, they have to remain platonic, totally platonic – and Jaskier smiles, almost victoriously, “I don't know why or how you had dirt on your face, Geralt, but thanks to me you're all shiny again.”

“Hm.” he grunts, and he tries to get away from him. He really tries, but it's just... hard.

Then, behind his back, some twigs crack. Jaskier widens his blue eyes, looking beyond his shoulder, and gasps. Geralt curses, and thankfully he didn't sheathe his sword before dropping his guard, so he just turns around in a swift movement and pierces through the body of the monster that was running towards them.

Except, when Geralt looks at the dead carcass at his feet, what he killed is definitely not a monster.

“Sorry, I overreacted.” says Jaskier, sheepishly. Glaring at him, Geralt sees that he's fidgeting with his fingers, and he's fighting not to smile. “Guess we have something to eat, tonight, if we're going to spend the night here.”

Geralt blinks at the dead body of the boar he killed, utterly annoyed.

“You know what I think? I think this basilisk really doesn't exist. Back at the village, they probably thought that this poor boar was a... was a giant bird. Or whatever a basilisk is, actually.”

“There are traces everywhere, Jaskier. There is a basilisk here.”

“Well,” he sniffs, dramatically, as if Geralt offended him as he contradicted him. “Can you see it? Can you feel it or, I don't know, smell him with your super duper witchery powers?” Geralt doesn't respond, and Jaskier struts, proud of himself. “See. Now, how about we go back to town? The very cute waiter is waiting for me.”

Geralt narrows his eyes, and glares at him again. So, this is a war. Geralt won't lose: he never did, and will never do, especially against this weak, smug, beautiful human. “We'll stay here, all night, if needed.” he smirks, and Jaskier snorts, “We have dinner, after all.”

[odd-birds-and-booksellers]

Prompt: Set after 16x16 - Alex treats his child as a patient but doesn't initially know. Meredith or someone was looking after them but when Jo turns up and he realises.

Anything Like Me 

Alex sighed rushing along the hallway he was being paged in every other direction today. Honestly, he was too old to be rushing around like an intern but he knew the game, the new guy always got the runaround, it was their way of seeing what he was made of and Alex was made of tougher stuff than this, he could handle scut for a few days.

When Izzie had announced her plans to move her and the kids up to San Jose with her stupid podiatrist boyfriend just so he could work for some second rate football team Alex was less than pleased, he really didn't fancy up and moving again but there was no way in hell he was gonna stay in nowhere Kansas without his kids there, he'd even considered moving back to Seattle, at least there be people there he knew but ultimately he'd decided he would be too far away from the kids, he'd had to accept that it was a life he just didn't have the option to go back to anymore. Instead, he decided on San Franciso, he had actually been offered a pretty good job and it was a close drive to the kids without having to feel like he was a spare part in his own family. He'd tried dating again, he'd been single two years now and honestly, it just didn't seem to interest him, how many loves do you get in life, he was a pretty fortunate guy there was no way that kinda love was coming around again. It's not like he was bitter about it, no he was thankful for his time with Izzie, they had made two beautiful children that made his whole world spin, and he was so grateful to have a lifetime of memories to look back on with Jo, he was lucky to have those memories not everyone is so fortunate. 

Grabbing hold of the tablet he punched in his code to see his next patient. Kit Wilson, 5-year-old, male, open head wound. Wilson...it was a pretty common surname, one he’d come across time and time again but he couldn’t help the jolt of pain that ran through him each time he saw it. It’s not like she wasn’t in his thoughts every day because she was, but seeing her name there made his heart hurt just that little bit extra. 

Turning the corner Alex smiles finding his patient sat up in the bed, dish towel wrapped haphazardly around his head with a toy truck in hand, vooming over the bed while who Alex assumed was the mother sat by his side, texting anxiously away on her phone. Alex frowned slightly wondering what was more important than her son as she continued to pay closer attention to the phone the boy beside her. Over two decades as a doctor and still patients and their loved ones could surprise him.  “Hello, I’m Doctor Alex...and who do we have here?” 

“Oh,” The mother jumped up dropping her phone in her on to the bed as she stood. “This is Kit, he slipped over in the kitchen and hit his head on the open door...it’s my fault really I should’ve closed it but I was trying to get hot chocolate off the stove and…”

“Okay okay...” Alex shushes her gently, flashing his classic Alex Karev smile that always seemed to calm the mothers. “I’m sure it was just an accident, how about we take a look and see what we can do...how does that sound Kit?” Alex turns to find the little boy staring up at him intensely, his little nose scrunched up as he narrowed his eyes on Alex. 

It was kinda strange but honestly, Alex had had weirder experiences. “Okay...sound good to you Mom?” He asks turning back to young women. 

“Oh...me? I’m not mom...I’m the nanny...mom is on her way through, she works across town at another hospital actually but she’s on her way.” She nervously runs her hands through her hair barely pausing for breath as she looks between Alex and the phone in her hand. So that’s who she’d been texting so furiously. 

“Okay...well let’s take a look at this head wound huh?” Alex asks, moving around the table, he smiles brightly at the boy who seems to give Alex his complete focus as he slowly begins to pull back the makeshift bandage. “I’m gonna check out this cut on your head okay little dude? It might hurt a little bit okay?”

The little boy nods slowly as Alex examines the wound, it doesn’t look too deep, maybe a few stitches at most. “My mom calls me Kit Kat...” he whispers gently after a moment making Alex chuckle lightly, a kid named after candy...he liked it...it was unusual but he liked it. 

“Really? That sounds like a pretty cool nickname. You know that my favourite candy bar...” Alex grins, gently wiping away the dried blood so he could get a better look, hoping the conversation would be enough of distraction to keep the kid calm.  

“Yeah she told me that...” the little boy nods fervently, turning back to his toy trucks again. Alex shakes off the odd comment not giving it much thought, clearly, the boy meant his mom had told it was her favourite candy. Alex doesn't know what it is but he feels like he knows the boy, he'd only been working here two weeks there was no way he'd treated him and forgotten already, he wasn't that sleep-deprived was he?

“Okay well, it looks like we’re gonna need a few stitches here Kit Kat...erm nanny?”  Alex clears his throat, nodding to the woman who looked like she was now close to tears as she typed away on her phone. 

“Sophie...” she filled in looking up suddenly. “Are you sure just a few stitches...erm his moms a doctor and she said I should insist on a CT scan to be safe.” 

Alex grimaced, his lips set in a straight line as he tried no to groan out loud, there was nothing he hated more than absentee parents but absentee parents with demands really pissed him off, maybe she was a doctor but just because she could diagnose a cold or prescribe cream for a rash didn’t mean she could tell him what to do. “A CT could take a while and it’s only a shallow cut really...if he feels sick or any headaches then we could take some more tests but right now let’s get these stitches in."

The nanny nodded, slipping back down into her chair the girl looked so nervous Alex almost felt bad for her, she visibly shook when she'd handed over the boys medical forms.

“Hey...don’t worry about it okay..accidents happen, you should see the scars my kids have.” He gives her shoulder a reassuring squeeze watching her take a few deep breaths before turning back to Kit. “Okay Kit Kat...have you ever had an injection before?”

“Mhmm” The boy nods perking up a bit, “yeah and my mommy said I was weally brave and we got doughnuts after.” He grins licking his lips. “Do you have doughnuts?” 

Alex laughs, a full chuckle making the boy giggle too, he swears this kid was a boy after his own heart. “I don’t have doughnuts but I’m sure we could find you something nice after...maybe even a Kit Kat if that’s okay with Sophie here?” Alex whispers glancing at Sophie who smiles in agreement. “Okay so you’re gonna feel a tiny pinch from this injection and after that, you won’t feel anything at all...”

The boy's eyes widen dramatically, leaning up in the bed. “Not anything...at all?” he whispers. 

“Just around your cut, I mean" Alex clarifies, trying not to laugh again as Kit nods, letting out a shaky breath, his little hands squeezing onto the metal bar on the side of the bed as he squeezes his eyes shut.

“Nothing is as bad as broccoli...nothings as bad as broccoli...nothings as bad as broccoli.” The little boy begins to chant to himself over and over again making Alex stop in his tracks.

“Nothings as bad as broccoli.” Alex joins in making the boy peek one eye open. “You’re right dude nothing is bad as broccoli...ready?” 

Alex marvelled at how well the little one sat there, he was pretty brave kid Alex will give him that, he was pretty much still the entire time Alex was doing his stitches mumbling his little mantra over and over to himself the whole time, Alex had even joined in mumbling it along with him. When Alex was finally finished he stepped, letting the nanny pass him so she could examine Kit for herself.

“You were really brave there dude..” Alex smiles offering his hand out for a high five, “it wasn’t as bad as broccoli right?” Alex mumbles ruffling Kit's hair gently as he cleans up. 

“His mom just parked. I’m sure she’ll have some questions.” Kate mutters, peering over from behind Kit.

Alex nodded, from the sounds of it this mom wasn’t gonna be one he wanted to deal with, no doubt an overreacting parent who’d googled symptoms before arriving, maybe he could send someone else to explain the aftercare. “Okay well, I’ve got to go round on a few post-ops...I’m gonna send someone down to do your aftercare and explain any questions mom may have.” 

Sophie just nodded, turning back to Kit, she put on bright smile handing Kit a water bottle from her bag as she spoke: “What do you say Kit...say Thankyou.” Sophie encourages Kit, who’s eyes are still trained on Alex, narrowed little skits analysing his every move, it was a bit intense if you asked Alex but hey kids can be pretty weird.

“Thank you, Dr Alex” 

“You’re welcome Lil dude...try and avoid the corners of cupboard doors for a while okay.” 

---

“Hey Kit Kat” Jo rushed into the room having followed the directions from one of the nurses at the front desk, catching sight of her poor babysat up in a hospital bed made her stomach twist, just the thought of Kit being hurt in any way sent her heart racing. If Jo had things her way she'd still be carrying him around on her hip like he was a little baby, never leaving her sight. She’d been in constant contact with Sophie since she’d called to say Kit had been an accident, she almost crashed on the way over here trying to text her back.

“I got stitches mommy look..” Kit excitedly pointed towards the gash across his head which had been neatly stitched up. Jo relaxed instantly he seemed so calm and happy and here she’d been expecting hysterics. It might have been her mommy brain going into overdrive but when she’d heard Kit crying out through the phone her heart had stopped so it was surprising to see how calm he was now. 

“Oh, you did…” Jo mumbles flashing a smile his way, glancing briefly at Sophie who was sat in a chair on the other side of the bed, the young girl looked so nervous, she’d only been working for Jo for two months and clearly, the whole ordeal had shaken her. “Good stitches too...almost as good as mommy.” Jo mumbles, brushing back Kits unruly hair to get a good look at the work, it was excellent she couldn’t really fault it, she probably couldn't have done better herself. Sophie had taken Kit to the closet hospital to home but it wasn’t the hospital Jo worked at, and Jo wasn’t sure how equipt this hospital was, she was terrified they’d have sent some inadequate intern to scar her baby permanently. 

“I’m so sorry Jo it’s all my fault I turned away for a second and I…” Sophie looked like was about to burst into tears as she continued to speak so fast she almost made Jo's head spin. 

“Hey hey it’s okay,” Jo mumbles leaning over placing her hand on her shoulder. “Honestly this little monster keeps you on your toes...hmm hey buddy.” Jo grins brushing her hand along Kits cheeks, before turning back to Kate and giving her a reassuring smile. 

“Mommy?” Kit whispered as Jo shifted him along the bed so she could sit next to him, her hand still brushing softly across his cheeks as he laid against her side, his favourite truck clutched tightly in his hands. 

“Yes, baby?” 

“He's here.” The boy mumbles quietly running the wheels of the truck up Jo’s arm, squirming slightly as she pressed a row of kisses across his head.

“Who’s here?”

Kit looked up at her, god he looked so much like his dad it physically hurt to look at him sometimes, his little brown eyes and unruly hair, that stupid grin that melted every preschooler's heart, oh he was definitely his father's son. “The man from the pictures...you know before I was in your tummy…” He whispers, making Jo frown, looking back at Sophie who shrugged equally confused. 

“Hey Kit Kat...look what I” Looking up at the interruption all the colour drained from Jo’s face as she made eye contact with the one man she thought she’d never see again. Oh god, this is what Kit was talking about. There stood Alex Karev, six years older and a little greyer but still the same man. He was here now in San Francisco and he’d just called her son...their son by his nickname as if he knew him. 

"Alex?"

Alex had been sending an intern down to talk to Kits mom when he’d remembered he'd promised Kit a sweet treat and usually he'd brush it off no doubt his parent would be fussing over him in no time but there was something about this kid that had a hold of Alex, he just couldn't seem to bear the idea of letting him down. He couldn’t quite explain why he had such a sweet spot for the kid, but he was pretty sure he had seen his eyes before, he’d seen so many people over the years maybe he’d treated him before hell he’d been doing this long he could’ve treated his parents before but he couldn't quite place what made Kit feel so familiar. 

"Jo?"

“Dr Alex…” Kit cried reaching out for him, squirming out of Jo’s grip, reaching for the chocolate bar that slipped from Alex’s grip. 

It felt like being shot all over again, a piercing pain knocking the air from his lungs as Alex tried to work out the maths in his head...it didn’t matter though, the scared look on Jo’s face was all the confirmation he needed. That’s where he knew the eyes from, they weren’t Jo’s, no they were his own, he’d been trying to figure out who he knew that looked like Kit when all he’d needed to do was look in the mirror.

“Look mommy it’s the man from the pictures…” Kit grins looking between Jo and Alex completely unaware of the intense unspoken conversation going on between his parents.

Jo nods her eyes never leaving Alex’s, quirky setting in as she watched him tear his watery gaze down to Kit and back up to Jo. “Yeah, it is baby.” She whispers hitting her lip gently as she stroke Kits hair back, one arm wrapping protectively around him. 

Alex just stared at the two of them, all the puzzle piece fitting together making his head hurt as he tried to comprehend what was happening. Kit was his son. His son. His and Jo’s son. 

I tried you know...anyway I made this into two parts and part two is a whole lot more emotional so stay tuned.

Thankyou for reading it is as always so very much appreciated.

[drake-the-incubus]

Post Note: This is long and I’m sorry.

I want to expand on what I mean but not use that post to do so.

Believe it or not, “x is a sign of y” isn’t as harmful as everyone is screaming about.

For example, my knees. I intermittently use a cane. Recently I haven’t had to use it- or I’ve forgotten it- but I have had days where I needed it.

I’ve had bad knee pain for a long ass time. Issues with pain in my legs in general.

But a lot of the time it would be a dull throb and I was fairly active as a kid and teen.

I also have a joint cracking problem. And I don’t mean I’m purposefully cracking my joints- though I do- I mean I’ve earned the nickname, “snap, crackle and pop” and “rice krispies”.

And my mom, when I was 12, went in for osteoarthritis and after years of pain finally found out she had a degenerating back that caused her back to create shards and she had a pinched cyatic nerve.

Forgive me as I’ve never seen this written down.

I’ve also had a problem with being incredibly sick as a child. Bronchitis to Bronchial Pneumonia almost yearly, and a couple of gland infections.

Do you know what mom tells me and I do?

Warning signs. Very common and not at all unusual warning signs.

I’m at risk for arthritis. In fact mom and I are both certain if it’s not there in my knees it’ll develop at some point.

In fact, earlier this year, I had back pain. God awful back pain. It ran down one leg at some point.

So I asked my mom because these were the symptoms for her issues. She told me to immediately see a doctor.

To most, that’s an overreaction. But it’s not.

I’ll round back to my sickly childhood.

I have a devil of a cough, I’ll hack up a lung if I have a fit. In fact if I’m ill I have the chance to seriously damage my throat- Halls my saviour.

I’ve had colds turn into serious medical issues because they don’t go away on their own, and what was considered a cold turned out to be an infection.

So now I’m hyper vigilant. A cold that last three days with medicine, I go to the doctor. If it’s just a cold, I’ll refuse their medicine, if it’s bronchitis, I’ve caught it early and now can avoid an emergency room visit.

Because of this sickly thing I’ve had for over two decades of my life- since I was an infant/toddler- I now have to tell people I live with, “hey if I’m sick too long tell me I’ll need to see a hospital”.

COVID came around and I literally got messages from multiple people worried I was going to die if I caught it, and I’m going to say, I’m terrified. I’ve been in the hospital multiple times due to illness, days away from being hospitalized.

The virus fucking terrified me. I’ve had more than ten scares of having it, with no idea what I should do, so I treated myself with care, waited for day three, when it didn’t come I was relieved.

I’ve nearly died twice to an allergic reaction, to this day, I’m deathly allergic to two things and I don’t know what they are.

I’m also allergic- but not even close to severe- to other things I can shrug off.

I’ve also had a negative general allergy test. It’s where I found out my blood type.

But I’ve had my throat slowly close up as I took a specific anti depressant. I didn’t notice until my tongue had started swelling in my mouth, that I had more itchy skin than usual and I was having breathing issues. I got told I was a few days out from actual death.

For mental health. I have very weird applications of symptoms.

I can tell if someone is angry or not, I can have genuine conversations with someone and notice minute details.

I’m also traumatized and was forced into recognizing emotions.

But I don’t know when to stop a conversation. I don’t know when to interpret someone’s polite way of ending something. I don’t know the social etiquette to not embarrass people. I can be sociable, but I hate people and I never seek them out myself.

I’m not the model someone looks to for an AFAB with autism.

My trans status really pushed the diagnosis.

But I do have the symptoms, they’re just not presenting in ways that make people scream autism- more like scream freak.

And as a teen I never knew I had it. But I found people who related to me outside of a psychological textbook who explained my issues and gave tips that worked for once.

I was Fourteen before it clicked in my parents were abusing me. That it wasn’t normal to stop and listen to make sure those were their footsteps. If they were coming to my room. How heavy? Is that anger?

I’d explain normal life things and get people telling me it wasn’t normal and I needed to be away from it. That the behaviour was terrifying.

That if my parents were threatening to beat me black and blue, I should be trying to get out.

Trauma causes memory issues? How would I know that as a teen going to the police and not being able to say anything other than, “they threaten me when I brush my teeth”.

A terrified seventeen year old, describing how they were punished and the police couldn’t take them seriously, as they sobbed and begged to not go back.

In a week I had to return because there was no where else to go.

I couldn’t tell the police office my parents threatened my life that night.

I couldn’t remember why I was convinced by my friends online to run away.

My teachers got mad: “Did you think of your grades, you’re graduating this year”

Not even thinking about how I was suffering so much I got sent to the councillor- and then dumped- multiple times for suicidal ideation and the absolute terror I had in ever speaking of my issues.

It took meeting someone who was traumatized to learn I had panic attacks.

“Go take Your medication they give you for anxiety, you’re having a panic attack”

I’ve had them since I was a child and it took frantically talking in a chat room to figure it out.

I got half my diagnoses from the people around me before medically getting them. And that’s not a joke.

I had abnormally painful periods for my entire childhood, and it took a friend telling me it was probably bad I needed my mom’s painkillers for her back sometimes to even exist.

And do you know what, extremely painful periods is a sign for something really bad. And about 1/3 of afabs have that experience.

It’s considered normal. And yet it can lead to a deadly disease if you’re not careful.

A painful boob can be breast cancer.

A cough and fever could be COVID.

People relatively will explain their experiences in a way that people see is normal.

Making it Hard to actually convey how these experiences are normal for US but they’re not normal.

“Haha I Just found out reading a lot as a kid was a sign of PTSD” isn’t someone taking the piss abt PTSD, it’s a common experience due to escape fantasies. I know a lot of people, most who hate reading now, that explained how they’d read for hours as a child to get out of life, sometimes pretending to be something better.

And so in good conscience, I can’t say that post is great.

TDLR; The post that insinuates “x is a sign of y” comes off as ableist, as my lived experiences I know where this comes from.

Sometimes minor things can be a sign of something major and ignoring it doesn’t help.

Physical and Mental health are hard to convey, and most of the time someone doesn’t have the language or forethought to in depth describe their experiences.

[98prilla]

Abductions, Past and Present

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AO3

...

The lab. He’s back in the lab. How did he get here, wasn’t he somewhere else?

 He’s unchained, unshackled, which is also odd, they only do that for tests, not in the lab, not under the cold lights of the white sterile room.

 “Remus. Remus, please, this isn’t you.” Roman. He wants to turn, wants to reassure him, wants to ask him what’s wrong, to protect him, to break him out of here, but his body doesn’t move.

 “You don’t know who I am, Roman. You only like to think you do.” He has a blade in his hand, he’s speaking but his mind is screaming, he’s screaming, but his mouth just pulls up into a smirk, as he turns to the table.

 It’s upright, Roman shackled to the table, arms stretched out, legs slightly splayed. He’s quivering, shallow cuts already tracing red marks across his skin, as if someone had doodled on him with a red sharpie. Remus knows intrinsically it was him.

 He’s protesting every step, every move forwards, every step towards Roman, fighting, clawing for control, for anything, but he can't stop this, can only watch as his own body circles around the table, chuckling darkly.

 “Remus. You’re scaring me.” Roman’s voice is tremulous, and he grins widely, slashing the knife across Roman’s throat, not deep enough to kill him, but enough beads of blood come to the surface, and Roman whimpers, flinching back as he gently caresses his cheek.

 “There now, let’s make you into a work of art.” He croons, he’s screaming, he’s screaming, but the knife flashes anyway, red and silver and flesh parting and screams and gurgles and disgust and despair and madness slipping over him with every cut, every desperate plea and cry branding his soul, branding him a monster and he doesn’t understand why his body is moving, laughing, slashing, while his mind is breaking, screaming, agony.

“Why would you-“

 “panicked, okay?”

 “was calming down-“

 “didn’t know that! Had Logan pinned by his throat!”

 “kiddo. Hey. Hey, hey, hey, look at me. Can you look at me?” His head feels heavy, he’s gasping for air like a drowning man, he thinks he might be drowning, because the noise won’t get out of his head, the red won’t leave his mind’s eye, and he is drowning in the crimson red of his brother’s life blood, over and over and over, and he can’t stop it, he can’t-

 “I knew it. I knew this wasn't real.” He whispers, voice breaking into a thousand shards of glass as he folds in on himself, god, he really was stupid, wasn’t he?

 “Kiddo? What are you talking about?” He nearly chokes on his laughter, it cuts his throat and crushes his lungs, and he only laughs harder at Feathers’ light, hesitant touch, a hand barely on his shoulder, from where he’s crumpled on the floor. He seems so kind, how did he get into this business? Or maybe that’s his job, play the part, act the savior, see how they break when they find out the truth.

 “I knew it wasn’t safe, knew this was all just part of it, part of the test, part of another trial, or another game, or another punishment, I knew this wasn’t real, I knew we’d never make it out, there’s no way out, there’s never a way out, there’s nothing, there’s nothing else, and that’s fine, it’s fine, do whatever you want, do anything, everything, I don’t care, I’ll follow along, I’ll obey every request, every command, I’ll do it, I swear I’ll do it, just don’t hurt him again, just leave him alone, just let him stay here and pretend this is real and he can be happy, and he can be safe, and I’ll do everything you say forever, I don’t care, I don’t care if I can’t see him ever again, I don’t care if you tell him I died or whatever excuse you need, just let him stay here in this fantasy, just let him stay, please, please, he can’t- I can’t- I-“ The world is spinning, like the solid ground he was just walking on has turned into an endless chasm, like the sky cleared of rain only for him to be hit by a lightning bolt on a sunny day, like the rug pulled out from under him, sending him hurtling off the edge of a cliff, and he can’t breathe, why can he never breathe?

 He can feel that calming, soothing power once again, but he doesn’t trust it now, they just want him complacent, and they haven’t agreed, they haven’t agreed to let Roman stay in this wonderful dream, and he will fight them every step if they don’t, he will never stop fighting if they don’t, so with effort he shrugs off the comforting lull calling to him, he jerks back, away from Feathers, away from his touch, he glares up at Logan, he thinks they called him, and the definitely not human that looks like a human, standing wide eyed behind him, his own eyes defiant and dark and full of power borne from pain.

 “I will fight every step of the way. I swear on whatever god you believe in, if you don’t promise me now he can stay in this little world of pretend you’ve cooked up to fuck with our heads, I will never stop fighting against you until I’ve snapped that thin little neck of yours.” Logan looks taken aback, looks confused, and he grins, sharp and feral, because he will do it, he will do it right now, even if he has to rip off Feathers’ pretty little wings, or claw out the not human’s eyes from his skull, he will kill them all, even if it kills himself in the process, to keep what he saw from happening, to keep Roman from ever going back to that hell, to keep him here in this illusion, sheltered from reality.

 “logan-“

 “He will be safe. I swear it.” There is sincerity to Logan’s voice, a strange softness to his eyes, and he believes him. His breathe catches and tears stream down his face, and he didn’t know his heart could break in this particular way, but here he is, anyways.

 “you’d better.” Then what little air in the room is left compresses, and he can’t breathe, and he can’t hear past the ringing in his ears.

 …

 Patton barely manages to catch the human as he passes out, stopping him from falling face first on the floor, relieved to see that his breathing has gone back to normal, his panic attack ended by unconsciousness, his brain shutting down to force him to breathe. Unhealthy, but necessary right now.

 “Why did you say that?” He asks angrily.

 “It is true. His brother will be safe, and so will he.”

 “That’s not what I mean.”

 “And that was a flimsy excuse, Logan, and that’s coming from me.” Janus says smoothly, leaning in the doorway.

 “He was hurting himself, panicking, hyperventilating. We were never going to be able to get through to him in such a state, especially after seeing… whatever he saw, when Virgil touched him. There was no point in arguing and distressing him further. It is… not ideal, and I don’t like letting him think what he’s thinking any more than you do, Patton, but he would never have believed us, right now.” Some of the anger fades from Patton as he nods, letting out a long sigh. He’s not really mad at Logan, anyway, he’s just furious at the people who did this in the first place.

 “you’re right, I know, I just… I hate…”

 “you hate him being so scared for no reason. I understand, Patton. I… you didn’t see, what it was like, there, but he has every reason to believe that his captors would fake a rescue like that, just to toy with him. This isn’t going to be easy. And captain overreaction over there didn’t help things.” Janus mutters the last sentence, coming to rest a hand on Patton’s shoulder, lightly rubbing his thumb in circles on the top of his wing.

 “Oh, I’m sorry I freaked out when I saw a feral human pinning my friend to the wall by his neck!” Virgil replies, a bit of an echo slipping into his voice for the last few words, his normally brown eyes starting to turn black around the whites.

 “Virgil. Breathe. I understand why you did what you did, even if it has possibly irreparably damaged our progress with him. you were afraid, and trying to protect me, and I… appreciate your concern.” Virgil relaxes just slightly at Logan’s words, muttering whatever and looking away, crossing his arms.

 “we can’t separate them again. That will just make everything worse, if he wakes up and he’s not here anymore, he’ll think… he’ll think he was right.” Patton says smally, and Logan sighs, starting to pace.

 “you’re right, on that account. However, leaving the two of them alone increases the chance that he will panic upon waking and assume that we have gone back on our ‘deal’, likely leading to some foolhardy escape attempt. On the other hand, if we have anyone in here with him, monitoring them directly, it is equally possible that individual will be attacked and injured in a similar attempt.

 “I’ll stay.” Everyone turns their heads at Janus’s quiet words. “What? I know what it’s like. From both sides of the mirror. If anyone can get through to him it’s me. And Roman already recognizes me, is starting to trust me.” Slowly, Logan nods, clearly thinking.

 “Perhaps you and Patton, together, so neither of you is alone, just in case. Remus seems to trust you, or at least not be afraid of you, as he is me and Virgil.” Patton nods quickly, sharing a small smile with Janus. “Excellent. We’ll keep an eye on the monitors, but I expect you’ll call if there’s any trouble. For now, I am going to go rest, and I would suggest you do the same, Virgil.”

 “I’ll try.” He answers grudgingly, moving to follow Logan out the door, stopped by Janus’s hand gently grabbing his wrist.

 “I need to know. It could help. What did he see, Virg?” He asks softly, knowing it is just as painful for Virgil to see what other people’s worst nightmares are as it is for them to experience it.

 “It was him. Trapped in his own body. He was powerless, to stop himself, even though he was pleading, begging, it…” Virgil trails off, letting out a long breath. “It was the worst I’ve ever seen, Jan. And that should tell you all you need to know.” Virgil says, slipping out the door.

 “well. Fuck.”