#it’s making me feel sick just thinking about it and i would feel so much better if i didn’t have to walk / go alone

[finelinefae]

Could we please get a check in with the aviator? I love them like no other i swear

synopsis: y/n finds out she's pregnant with Aviator!Hs baby.

wordcount: 2.6 k

a/n: this isn't really a check-in more so something that happens a year into their relationship because i think about this moment a lot and i needed to write about it !!!!

also first one shot for the aviator whoop!!

. . .

It was the middle of the night. 

Y/N had been up since dinner, laying beside the toilet bowl so she could vomit the contents of her stomach every ten minutes. She’d stuck the thermometer under her armpit to check if she had a fever, only to find it at a completely normal temperature. 

She was tired and frustrated and her head hurt from throwing up so much. She hadn’t had a wink of sleep and she still had to get to work in the morning. 

The door swung open and Y/N lifted her tired eyes to find Nancy looking down at her, “You’ve been throwing up since dinner,” She held out a glass of cold water and Y/N gladly took it. 

“Sorry,” Y/N groaned, after taking a sip, “I’ve tried taking medicine but nothing seems to be working.”

Nancy sighed, “You don’t need to apologise, do you want me to call Harry?”

“No,” Y/N shook her head, “He’s been working all week, he’s probably exhausted.”

“Okay well you can’t just sit by the toilet all night, do you want me to warm you up some ginger ale?” Y/N sighed, considering her offer before pushing herself up from the floor and following Nancy to the kitchen.

She sat at the table, clutching her stomach and ignoring the nausea she felt. Nancy took out some ginger ale and began to heat in a saucepan over the stovetop. “I just don’t understand how I can feel like this but not even have a fever,” Y/N huffed. 

Nancy shrugged, “Are you due? Normally I feel pretty sick a week or so before my period starts,”

A dip forms between Y/N’s brows, “I don’t think so, I’m pretty sure-” Y/N paused, thinking back to the last time she had had her period. She had been waiting for it to arrive this week but one glance at the calendar on the kitchen refrigerator revealed that it was already a week late. 

Panic surged through her, “Nancy,” She gasped, looking up at her roommate and friend, “It’s late.”

Nancy’s eyes widened, “Are you sure?”

Y/N’s mind was racing to try and piece together the days but she knew that she was right and her period was over a week late.

Y/N didn’t have to say anything for Nancy to understand what she was thinking. “W-what am I going to do?” Y/N panicked as dread ensued her, “I-I can’t have a baby, I can’t.”

“Y/N, it’s okay,” Nancy crouched down on the floor in front of her and took her hands, “It’s going to be okay. Tomorrow morning we’ll go down to the clinic and ask them to take a test to make sure.”

Y/N shook her head, “Not the morning, Harry will know and he’ll-” She covered her mouth, “Oh God, Harry, what if he hates me?”

Nancy scoffed, “How could he possibly hate you? I’ve never seen someone as in love with somebody as he is with you,”

“But Nancy, a baby. It’s too soon and he’s still got Elise and-” Y/N’s mind was whirring with thoughts as she thought about how her life was about to change if she really was pregnant. Elise was only four and their relationship was still relatively new - they’d only celebrated their year anniversary a month ago which was more than likely to be the reason that got her in this predicament. 

“Y/N, calm down,” Nancy soothed her, “Everything’s going to be fine. We’ll deal with these things after we find out whether you really are pregnant or not. For now, we’ll go to bed and think about it in the morning, okay?”

Y/N nodded slowly, trying to digest the words she was hearing. Nancy was right, she needed to not worry until she had confirmation from the nurse that she really was pregnant. She tried to pause her worries until the morning but not a wink of sleep occurred when her mind was whirring with thoughts about how Harry would react to the possibility of it all. 

. . .

Y/N felt sick to her stomach as she walked to the hangar where she knew Harry would be working. She’d been so many times now that she knew exactly where to go, following the path through the doors and round the back.

“Evening Y/N,” One of the boys said as she walked past, tipping his hat. Y/N forced a smile onto her face in reply.

She walked through the back doors and found Harry outside smoking a cigarette on his own, the sun setting behind him. Unlike how she usually felt whenever she was around him, Y/N began to panic wondering whether she should turn back now before she told him something that would change both their lives forever. 

Harry’s head lifted and a smile carved onto his face when his eyes landed on her. He threw his cigarette on the ground and stubbed it with his foot, “Hi birdy,” He walked over and embraced her in a hug, pressing a kiss to her lips. 

Y/N knew Harry had sensed something was wrong from how stiff she felt in his embrace. He pulled back but his arms stayed looped around her, “Wha’s wrong?” He frowned, “Y’okay?” He cupped her face in his hands and looked her in the eye.

Y/N pulled away, “I’m okay,” She lied and Harry immediately knew something was wrong when she took a step away from him. Usually, whenever they were together there was barely any space between them.  

“Hey, when do y’ lie to me?” He forced a smile, a pit of dread forming in his stomach.

Y/N’s eyes glistened, she sniffled and scrunched her nose to try and prevent herself from crying. “I just missed you is all,” 

“Birdy,” A dip formed between his brows, “M always right here y’ know that. Did something happen at work today?” 

Y/N shook her head, wrapping her arms around herself, “No,” She replied, “I-I need to tell you something.”

This time Harry really did begin to panic. He thought back to the past few months and wondered if he had done anything wrong to upset her in that time but every day had been as blissfully sweet as the last. He was so in love with Y/N and that love continued to grow every passing day. She was the first person he woke up to in the morning and the last person he saw at night - every day it was Y/N, the love of his life. 

So he couldn’t understand what had currently gotten her so distant with him or why she was being so vague and secretive whenever she was with Nancy, “Are you…Are you breaking up with me?” Harry voiced his biggest concern out loud.

Y/N almost gasped, reaching for his hand and holding it to her chest, “God Harry, no. No, of course not.”

He relaxed slightly but still wondered what was going on in her head that was so difficult to tell, “Wha’s wrong then baby?”

Y/N released a shuddery breath, looking away from him and down at the hand she was currently holding. She twisted the ring on his pinkie finger, one lone tear rolling down her cheek that she quickly brushed away. “Harry, I'm pregnant.” She whispered, barely loud enough for him to hear. 

Her heart thudded against her chest when she felt his hand stiffen. She could barely look up at him as she waited for him to say something.

Two rough hands cupped her cheeks and lifted her head up. Her eyes met his, lips parting to see tears rolling down his cheeks and the biggest smile she had ever seen stretched across his face, “We’re havin’ a baby?” He whispered in disbelief.

Y/N nodded slowly, “I found out this afternoon.”

A laugh escaped his lips, “Holy shit,” He let go of her and ran his fingers through his hair before covering his face with his hands and smiling beneath them.

Y/N stood waiting, still a little tense until he took one step towards her and picked her up in his arms, her dress twirling as he spun them round, “Holy shit we’re having a baby.” 

A wave of relief washed over her, Y/N finally mirrored the smile on his face when she saw the excitement on his face. 

He set her back on her feet, “You’re not mad?” Y/N asked. 

“Why would I be mad? This is my dream, I’ve always wanted to be a dad.” Harry was unable to rid himself of the smile on his face.

“I know but we’ve been together a year and-” 

Harry silenced her by smashing their lips together in a messy kiss, “I love you bigger than the whole sky Birdy, there is not a single person in this entire world I would rather have as the mother of my child.”

Y/N’s eyes watered and tears began to fall as she smiled and wrapped her arms around his neck. His hands fell to her tummy, “I can’t believe there’s a tiny human in there,” Harry chuckled in disbelief. 

“I love you so much Harry,” Y/N murmured, wondering why she was ever nervous to tell him in the first place. 

. . .

Safe to say, Harry had become somewhat even more obsessed with Y/N than he had ever been before.

“Tha’s my baby mama!” He whistled, wearing his grease-covered overalls as he slid off the wing of the plane and ran towards Y/N who was only a month pregnant.

Y/N’s cheeks heated, eyes darting around, “Shh, what if someone hears you?” 

They had yet to tell any of their friends or Harry’s brothers that Y/N was pregnant.  Nancy had been sworn to secrecy despite her boyfriend constantly pestering her over telling him what they were always whispering about whenever Y/N refused a drink at a party. Harry struggled to keep such a big secret from his siblings since he had always told them everything, but Y/N wanted to make sure everything was okay before they let the world know another baby would be entering their little family. 

“There’s no one around, don’t worry.” Harry smiled, a dimple carving into his cheek. 

She had the tiniest bump, barely even noticeable unless she was bloated, but he was obsessed all the same. His hands reached for her sides, feeling the small curve of her tiny bump as he held her. “Hi Harry,” Y/N grinned, “Thought we could walk to the clinic together.”

Today they would be having their first appointment together with their assigned midwife. Harry had been close to a kid at Christmas as he counted down the days until he got to hear his baby’s heartbeat. “Yeah, I’ll pack my stuff away and we’ll head on down,” He nodded but stopped to kiss her quickly, “Missed y’,” He murmured. 

Y/N laughed, “You saw me three hours ago,” 

“Much too long,” He countered, slipping away from her and going to pack his things away. 

He returned in a fresh white t-shirt and jeans, reaching for her hand and threading their fingers together as they walked down to the clinic. 

Harry could feel Y/N’s nerves bouncing off of her as they sat in the waiting room of the small office waiting for their midwife to call them in. She fiddled with her fingers in her lap, tapped her foot against the floor and chewed on her bottom lip. Every now and then her eyes would glance to the door like she was desperate to get out. 

He reached for her hand, holding it in his lap and playing with the small ring on her index finger. His thumb traced the mole in the middle of her wrist, her pulse fluttering beneath it. “Y’ okay?” He murmured.

“Jus’ nervous,” She admitted, “I don’t like doctor’s offices all that much.”

“Y’ not having second thoughts about the baby are you? Because if you were there are things we can do and talk about. I-I’d never force y’ to have a baby, y’know that right Birdy?” Harry said. 

Y/N’s eyes softened, she cupped his cheek in her hand, “I want this baby with you more than I want anything ever.”

Harry smiled, “Y’ mean that?” He needed that reassurance from her more than anything. 

“I mean it,” She kissed him quickly. 

The door clicked open and in walked the midwife, “Y/N Y/L/N?” 

Y/N took a deep breath, squeezing Harry’s hand as they stood up. The midwife, an older woman with kind eyes, gestured for them to follow her into a small room. There was a simple examination bed and a tall metal stand with a strange, trumpet-like device hanging from it.

“This is a fetal stethoscope,” the midwife explained, picking up the device. “It’s how we’ll listen to your baby’s heartbeat.”

Y/N climbed onto the bed, her heart racing. Harry stood by her side, never letting go of her hand. The midwife placed the wide end of the stethoscope on Y/N’s abdomen and pressed her ear to the other end.

The room was silent as the midwife concentrated. Then, her face lit up with a smile. “There it is,” she said, turning to the expectant parents. “Your baby’s heartbeat. Would you like to listen?”

Harry’s eyes widened as he nodded eagerly. The midwife handed him the earpiece, and he leaned down, his expression changing from nervousness to awe as he heard the rapid, steady thump of their baby’s heart.

“Our baby,” Harry whispered, his voice thick with emotion. 

Y/N could feel her eyes welling up as she watched him. Her hand reached out to thread through his curls as he pressed his ear to the earpiece once more and listened for the faint sound of a beating heart they had created, “Can y’ hear it?” Y/N smiled, tears rolling down her cheeks. 

“Tha’s our baby,” He repeated like he couldn’t quite believe what he was hearing.

“Tha’s right, H.” Y/N said softly.

Harry reached for her bump, placing both of his big, heavy palms on it. He lowered his head and pressed a small kiss to the spot above her belly button, “Hello baby,” He murmured, “How can I love you this much when all I can hear is y’ heart?” 

Y/N smiled, letting him have his moment, “Promise I’ll take such good care of it,” He continued to speak soft and slow, “Both yours and mamas,”

Harry reached for Y/N’s hand and held it in his own, his other palm resting right over her bump. He felt Y/N give his hand a gentle squeeze and wondered if she could hear just how fast his heart beat for her even without the earpiece.

“Don’t cry,” Harry smiled, reaching to wipe away Y/N’s tears. 

“I’m just happy,” Y/N sniffled, “You’re going to be such a good dad, Harry, I hope you know that.”

The words settled something in him. All his nerves seemed to melt away, replaced by an overwhelming sense of love and anticipation for the new life they were about to bring into the world together. 

A family of his own. 

“I love you birdy,” He leans down and speaks to the bump once more, “and I love you too, baby birdy.” Y/N laughed and watched as Harry continued in conversation with their baby, hearing nothing but a gentle heartbeat in reply to his voice.

[carlyraejepsans]

UTY!Flowey, "lore" and how to criticize a fan prequel without being an insufferable pedantic, a guide by Biscia.

(for my muskless fellows, here's a transcript of my thread on Undertale Yellow that I posted on Twitter. enjoy!)

There's this really frustrating attitude in fan spaces i like to call "lorepilling" where people are substantially more concerned with encyclopedic knowledge of details & minutiae (so called "lore") in place of full-text thematic/narrative analysis as if the two are mutually interchangeable.

It's especially common in large franchises and story heavy videogames, and it's like... Are You Treating This Piece Of Art Like A Trivia Battle Or Are You Treating It Like A Story

This is coming from a person who is also deeply autistic about UTDR trivia btw, I'm just saying that when it comes to transformative *stories*, depending on the impact it has on character, themes, and narrative structure... lore is expendable.

Ultimately this is why most of the UTY criticism i see (on twitter specifically) falls flat. What does it matter if "lore" means Flowey couldn't chronologically be there when the justice human fell, as long as the game narratively justified his presence in the story in a compelling way?

The real criticism, in the end, is that it didn't.

He's a plot central, main cast character from the canon returning in a cast of mostly OCs and what does he have to show for it? An admittedly sick boss battle in 1/3 endings, sure but... not much else. He has no significant "presence" in the story, no tie, interaction, or even just... an opinion on the rest of the cast. Which is a huge miss when Flowey's meta role is to be Thee completionist player mirror. He's the OG lorepilled UT fan! He's an opinionated little shit!

This isn't to say that UTY *didn't* engage w/ his metanarrative. When me and @a-town-called-hometown first started playing the game (we were both skeptical of Flowey's inclusion), he immediately said "It would be really cool if they made it so this has been going on for a while and Clover has no idea". Which is precisely what the game did in the neutral ending, and what I will openly say was the most well written & well executed part of this game's story...

...a part we almost didn't see, because the pacifist ending disappointed us so much we lost all will to replay.

To put it in the words of my friend Mel @clowwwnbytes, there's a deafening hollowness to UTY Flowey's motivations & core principles where his guilt towards Chara—and resulting black and white thinking—should be. You're telling me Mr Kill-or-be-killed, "sacrificing yourself to do the right thing is stupid", would stand there after 1000s of failed attempts to make Clover survive, look on as they make the same mistake Asriel he did, and fondly call them friend? Cue the guitar, roll the credits?

He would lose it. Oh my god he would lose his goddamn mind, he would throw the nastiest temper tantrum in the world. Are you serious? How dare you. How DARE you. All this effort, all my patience, and you just let yourself DIE for a few worthless idiots? I should've let you ROT!

*clears throat* sorry got a bit too into character. as i was saying.

I can understand a UT prequel wanting to distance itself from the canon Chara storyline in order to form its own identity, but then turning around and choosing Insane About Chara The Character™ for a sidekick is... far from optimal. In the end, Flowey comes across as underutilized and inconsistent, with a whole lot of wasted potential.

This is an issue I have with UTY's character writing (original AND returning) and story structure as a whole. Lots of inconsistent character arcs, tonal dissonance, overuse of situational sadness... it's an amateurish work, after all, and you can feel it. There's no shame in that.

(Though, there ARE some issues that i take more seriously with its writing, especially when it comes to its two main female characters—Ceroba's lack of narrative agency and depth borders on misogynistic writing imo. But that's a topic for another day)

Over all, UTY was an incredible piece of collaborative transformative work, with gorgeous art and a genuinely incredible OST, which... would have benefited from more experienced writers. But hey, you can only ever learn by trying!

For all it could've been a better story, it certainly did not fail to entertain: both when my friend was playing it, and after in our many discussions of its writing, its faults and how it could've been improved (royal scientist!ceroba character fix you will always be famous. to ME!)

I'm sure this project served as an incredible source of experience for the developers: as individual creators AND as a team. I look forward to their future projects!

but also if i have to see another person say UTY is better than Undertale i might turn into The Jonker.

end of the essay! really couldn't stand any of the pedantic ""criticism"" I'd seen of this fangame so far, so i had to say my piece as someone more versed in analysis. happy to elaborate on anything in the replies or in my inbox!

[acid-ixx]

Imagine Wally West being the one to have a crush/obsession with reader, it would be cute, however l feel like it would be as if Reader is trying to overcorrect in a way

Instead of dark hair he has bright hair, instead of dark and brooding he’s very vibrant and carefree, instead of no powers all skill he has powers and skill, plus reader can give him a hand signal and BOOM they are back home in sweatpants, watching the latest show they are obsessed with, talking about which actor is better for the main character

On the other hand, I can totally see Wally as the best friend that gives the shovel talk to potential love interests as well as the friend who will straight up ask if reader wants to move in. He’s just so… friend shaped and safe feeling

a/n: imagine waking up to over 20 detailed asks, couldn't be me! but seriously, i enjoy how all of you are into the series as much as i am. there's so much lore potential and love interests that i can insert or another yan! family who would be more than willing to take you away from your batfam so i can see this series being longer than all my other writing.

i'll admit, i never thought of wally being a contender for a love interest but this is so interesting... your reason for being close to him is "if dangerous, why friend shaped?" (albeit unknowing of his love for you) but you just don't want to admit that he's your form of coping by exposing yourself to a person who's straight up the opposite of your family.

though, you have so many other advantages than his physical traits, which would be the power he hones; his speed. sure, you have to get used to the first few months of motion sickness but with enough practice, you'll be blazing off and away from any momentary danger— that danger being your family.

wally often does get flirtatious with you. which means unlike your living circumstances beforehand, you'll be faced with constant compliments and attention here and there that you ought to never notice.

oh, your hair looks so slick and shiny! did you use the new shampoo he bought for you? ohh, you look so adorable wearing his pajamas! you should match with him more often. the necklace he bought for you totally complements your eyes! you should go on a movie date today, babe!

— oh, sorry, did you hear him call you babe? that's totally what friends call each other when they're as close as peas in a pod, you know? it sucks a lot that you never had someone as close as wally. but worry not, darling; he'll make sure you never have to ask for his love, not when he's quicker to reciprocate it.

did he just call you darling?

nevermind that, ahah. wally would totally be the type to glare at anybody who thinks they're better than him when it comes to hitting on you. sorry stranger, but he's your bestest and closest friend in the world, he's your future roommate, your future boyfriend, and nobody could ever reach that level— not that you'd hear that from him directly, but he'll pass that message on anybody who thinks they have what it takes to flirt with you.

after that incident, he'll offer you a place at his apartment, or somewhere far, far away where only a speedster like him can reach; just to guarantee your ultimate protection from obstacles like your family or anybody else interested in you.

yeah! he's such a good friend.

[wildernessuntothemselves]

Heaven is not fit to house a love (like you and I) | Part 4

Word Count: 6.1k

Genre: smut, angst, fluff

Summary: When you first met your boyfriend, it was love at first sight. No, more than that. It was love before you even met. It felt like you had known each other in another life and were meant to find each other again. 

But that's not actually true, is it? You and Beomgyu don't actually know each other from another life, and the dreams you've been having aren't memories of your past life either. That's ridiculous. 

But then why does Beomgyu get so defensive about them? And why does each dream feel more real than the one before? 

A/N: this is the sequel to my series YAMQN but I'm trying to write it in a way that it would be comprehensible to people who have never read YAMQN. The parts in italic are the dreams. 

Warnings: fem!reader, breast play, humping, slight somnophilia, switch!reader, switch!beomgyu, mentions of past rape, yandere!beomgyu, reader gaslighting herself

He is lying on his side with his arms wrapped around you, staring at you, while you lay on your back, one hand on his arm draped over your chest and your eyes staring up at the ceiling. You’ve been lying like this since your alarm went off, waking you so you can start getting ready for work, though you think Beomgyu may have been awake even earlier. 

Your middle finger traces a small line over a vein on the back of his arm, feeling the warmth there as if you can feel his life’s blood. His grip on you is steady, confident, and he never takes his eyes off you. 

“Don’t you get tired of it?” You ask softly, voice heavy with sleep. You don’t elaborate on what you mean, and Beomgyu doesn’t ask for it. 

“No.” Comes his quick reply. ”Because just being here with you like this… It makes it all worth it.” 

You finally turn to look at him, and your heart swells up in your chest. You love him so much. Despite everything, you love him.  

“Call in sick for me.” You tell him and he jumps at the opportunity, not hesitating for a second. He grabs your phone and dials your work, making up some bullshit story about you being sick and needing to stay home. You’re usually a dedicated worker despite the grief Beomgyu brings you–because of the grief Beomgyu brings you. The harder he makes it for you, the more you want to hold onto your job because it gives you independence from him and prevents you from being completely codependent on each other the way you know he desires and the way you find yourself secretly wishing you were when things get very tough and all you can think about is being wrapped up by him, protected and cared for and safe from the horrible, cruel world that causes you so much pain and suffering. Because why go out there to fight every day when you can be with him and let him take care of everything? 

But then you force yourself to push these thoughts away and act like a grown-up because despite your immense love for Beomgyu, you're not stupid enough to hang your entire future on a man in this day and age. Yes, he loves you but you’re sure all the women who made that mistake before you were also in love. Or at least you like to think you're not that stupid…But for today you’ll let him win. For today you’ll see what the alternative is. 

Beomgyu ends the call with your boss with a toothy smile on his face. He looks excited, like you’ve given him the best present ever and he jumps back in to take you in his arms, kissing the side of your face. 

“What do you want to do today?” He asks and you shrug, throwing the question back to him. “What do you want to do?” 

“I just want to be with you.” He admits and your heart clenches. 

“Let’s eat first. I’m starving” You tell him and he’s so excited he doesn’t even whine at your lack of reply to his loving proclamation. 

________________________________

Beomgyu makes sure to make the food for you. He keeps apologizing for not having a lot of materials to work with and lamenting the fact that he can’t make this dish or that dish as if you were expecting some extravagant feast. 

“Beomgyu, it’s just breakfast.” You reassure him but he shakes his head. “I want to give you the best. Do you want to go eat out? There is this really good restaurant 20 minutes away.” 

When he tells you the name of the restaurant, you frown. “Isn’t that place really expensive?” 

He shrugs. “Only the best for my princess.” 

You shake your head. “I don’t need something fancy, Beomgyu. Pancakes are fine.”

He frowns at that, seemingly upset that you don’t want the expensive restaurant. What’s the deal with him? Sometimes you think he dislikes that you don’t want him to spend his money on you. 

Still, in order to make him stop fretting, you say, “Being with you is enough.”  

That makes him light up, and he is suddenly content with pancakes too. 

“It looks nice outside. Maybe we can pack up some lunch and go for a picnic?” You suggest and he perks up even more. “Yeah. We've got some cold cuts I can make into sandwiches and we can grab some cupcakes or muffins on the way.” 

He sounds very excited about getting to spend the day like this with you and it makes you both happy that you've made him so excited by such a small thing but also sad that he has probably been feeling a bit neglected by you recently as you pulled away from him due to everything that’s going on with the dreams and Taehyun.

Well, today you'll make it up to him. Today, you'll set all your worries aside and just enjoy the day with your loving boyfriend. 

“Sounds good.” 

___________________________________

Beomgyu made way too much food for the picnic and he insisted on preparing everything all by himself, wanting to pamper you. Maybe he himself also feels guilt over not stopping when you asked him to but in a way that makes you feel even worse. He didn’t know that you were serious and you’re no stranger to playfully whining for the other to stop when you’re messing around–even you have done it to him before–so you understand why he didn’t immediately stop. He must feel awful about it. You may be having issues with Beomgyu but that doesn’t mean that he would ever hurt you in that way. You’re his entire life and it's unfair to him to be having these disturbing thoughts, even if you can't control them. 

Maybe you just need to agree on a safe word so this doesn’t happen again… if you can even get yourself to get over your irrational trepidation every time you think about having sex with him now that is. 

“Beomgyu, I can feed myself.” You roll your eyes when he tries to put a sandwich to your mouth and push his hand away, feeling an uneasy sense of deja vu at the action. For some reason, the most random actions you or Beomgyu do feel like something you’ve done before. Every moment feels like you’ve lived it before and it’s freaking you out. You secretly worry that you’re losing your mind. 

He pouts, looking deflated at the small rejection. “I know. I just want to take care of you.” 

“I don't need you to take care of me.” You say again and he puts the food down, looking even more dejected at that. 

You sigh and open your arms. “Come here, Gyu.”

He eagerly gets into your embrace, laying his head down on your chest and letting you wrap your arms around him. 

You kiss the side of his head, breathing in his scent and feeling it soothe your anxiety like a healing balm. “I don't need all of this. I just need you. The you that I love, and not this crazy possessive guy that scares me.” 

“And I only ever want you.” He looks up at you, his eyes sad. “If I can be sure that you'll only ever be mine, I wouldn't act so crazy.” 

You want to argue with him, get angry that he's asking you to prove your loyalty to him as if you had cheated on him, but you also know that what you feel for Taehyun isn't completely innocent and it would be hypocritical of you to act like his worries are completely irrational. 

You sigh, looking at the park around you. You were at one of your favorite parts by the lake. Though it is a little hard to enjoy with so many people around, kids screaming and guys jokingly cussing each other out. You wish it would just be you and Beomgyu here. 

“You know these grounds once belonged to the royal family.” You tell Beomgyu, “Imagine having all this beauty to yourself. Wouldn't that have been wonderful?”

“I suppose so.” He mumbles unenthusiastically but you keep going. “Their lives must've been so easy. Eating good food, dressing in fancy clothes, sipping tea in their huge ass gardens…”

“I'm sure they had their struggles.” Beomgyu interjects and you snort. “Yeah right. Their struggles of where to spend all that money.”

“They didn't control their own decisions. They were trapped in what everyone else expected of them. They didn't choose what to wear, who to hangout with, what they want to do with their lives or even who to marry.”

Beomgyu's sudden speech gives you pause. “Damn I didn't know you were so passionate about royal life.”

Is he saying that because he wants to discourage you from talking about the prince dreams again? Well, you weren’t planning to mention them to him anymore, not after how twisted and ugly they’re become. 

He falters, seeming to realize how odd it was for him to get worked up over your silly complaints. “It's just… things aren't always what they seem.” 

“I suppose. I mean I hear that their lives were filled with deceit and betrayal, like killing each other for power and shit. I'd rather be poor and alive, thanks.” You finally say to lighten up the mood and he smiles, thankfully playing along. “I want you alive too.”

“How romantic.” You roll your eyes and he laughs. “I admit it's not one of my best lines.” 

“Well, good thing I got you some love poems to learn from.” You declare, pulling out the book you brought along to the picnic. 

“You just want to hear my sexy ass voice narrating your favorite poems.” He calls you out and you don’t even try to deny it. “Guilty. What, I can't take advantage of my sexy boyfriend?” 

“You can take advantage of me all you want, baby.” He says greasily and you pretend to gag. “Stick to the poems, loverboy. Don't waste your voice on these corny lines.” 

“Yes, princess.” He grins, grabbing the book from your hand and flopping his head on your lap so you can play with his hair while he reads your favorite poems.

Sitting there, with the love of your life in your arms, his deep voice reading out words of love and longing from the most gifted poets and writers of the world, you feel lucky. How could you not when those words that have moved millions over decades and centuries, driving them to long for a love just like that, feel like your reality. 

The love you have with Beomgyu is what those poems are written about. Yes, it can be dark and scary, but it can also be so, so beautiful. Just like now, with him sneaking glances at you in between every proclamation of love and adoration he reads off, as if his eyes can’t help but jump to you at every reminder, seeking the sight of the exact love they’re reading about.   

Yes, doing this was the right choice. You feel so happy and content right now, the sunshine beaming down at the both of you and warming up your skin can’t even compete with the internal warmth and love you feel holding Beomgyu at this moment. This is perfect. This is where you belong. And this is just what he’s trying to make sure lasts right? He acts crazy sometimes because he knows this love is too rare and special to lose, right? 

But the feeling of peace and happiness doesn’t last forever, and an unexpected gloom arrives in the form of one of your favorite poems–Annabelle Lee. Sure, it’s a sad and deeply moving poem but you didn’t anticipate the way it was going to affect Beomgyu. 

It all starts off normally, his rich voice setting the perfect tone for the beautiful poem as you play with his soft locks, running them through the fingers of one hand while the other gently massages his scalp. 

It was many and many a year ago,

In a kingdom by the sea,

That a maiden there lived whom you may know

By the name of Annabel Lee;

And this maiden she lived with no other thought

Than to love and be loved by me.

You smile to yourself as you look down at Beomgyu. It’s funny how that’s just what you were thinking–that all that matters is the love you share between the two of you. You bend down to press a kiss to his forehead, and giggle at the way he unconsciously lifts his head up to get closer to your lips. 

I was a child and she was a child,

In this kingdom by the sea:

But we loved with a love that was more than love—

I and my Annabel Lee;

With a love that the winged seraphs of heaven

Laughed loud at her and me.

Then he hesitates, pausing as he reaches the last line, and you have to nudge him gently to get him to keep going. You see his eyebrows knit together in a perturbed frown but he continues for you. 

The angels, not half so happy in heaven,

Went laughing at her and me—

Yes!—that was the reason (as all men know,

In this kingdom by the sea)

That the wind came out of the cloud by night,

Chilling and killing my Annabel Lee.

You try to smoothen the lines that formed between Beomgyu’s thick eyebrows but even another kiss to the troubled lines are of no use as his focus was now entirely on the book in front of him. His anxiety was palpable and infectious, and a strange sense of doom creeps up on your protective bubble. 

But our love it was stronger by far than the love

Of those who were older than we—

Of many far wiser than we—

And neither the laughter in heaven above,

Nor the demons down under the sea,

Can ever dissever my soul from the soul

Of the beautiful Annabel Lee:

Beomgyu's voice turned hoarse and patchy as he carried on, and you feel a prickling at the back of your throat as a profound and all consuming grief that you've never felt before and don’t think you have the capacity to contain threatens to engulf you. You hold onto him tighter, suddenly terrified. It’s silly. You’ve read this poem more times than you can remember, and sure it always moved you and made you sad, but it never caused you such gut-wrenching pain as it was doing right now. Whatever misery the poem was triggering in Beomgyu was transferring directly to you through your skin and suddenly the poet was Beomgyu and you were Anabelle Lee–he’d lost you and you can only sit there and watch him suffer and waste away as he cries over you. 

For the moon never beams, without bringing me dreams

Of the beautiful Annabel Lee;

And the stars never rise, but I feel the bright eyes

Of the beautiful Annabel Lee;

And so, all the night-tide, I lie down by the side

Of my darling—my darling—my life and my bride,

In her sepulchre there by the sea,

In her tomb by the sounding sea.

Beomgyu's voice breaks completely as he utters ‘my life and my bride’ and by the time he finishes the poem, he is openly crying. You’re crying too, and hugging him tightly to you. You’re sure you’re both making quite the spectacle of yourselves but you don’t care. You hold him so tightly your fingers turn white and numb, and he does the same. The sense of loss that is filling you up is so intense and vivid, it's as if you've lived it. You’re scared that if you let him go, you’ll be taken away from him just like in the poem. 

“Why–” He sobs into your chest, his cries rattling your already injured heart. “Why did they have to be ripped apart?” 

“I don't know, baby.” You bend down to kiss his sweet lips, not really knowing what to say but wishing to calm him down–calm yourself down and try to shake off the irrational fear that something like this is going to happen to you. “Sometimes life is just cruel.” 

“No. I can't accept that.” He says resolutely, sitting up to face you and reaching out to hold your face in his hands. “Promise you'll never let anyone or anything take you away from me.”

“Beomgyu–” 

“Please…” His voice shudders as he tries to speak through his tears. “I can't lose you.” 

“Oh, baby.” You sigh, reaching out to wipe the sparkling tears off his face. Oh, how you'll say and do anything for this beautiful boy. 

“I promise.”

_______________________________

When you get back to work the following day, Taehyun corners you in the back room as soon as he gets the chance. 

“Hey, are you okay?” He asks with concern in his voice and you look at him in confusion. “Yeah, why?” 

“You called in sick yesterday.” His eyes narrow, already suspicious. 

“Oh, right.” You remember Beomgyu calling in sick for you, and you try to brush off his concern. “Yeah, I’m fine.” 

But Taehyun doesn’t let your small slip up pass, now probably convinced there was some malicious reason behind your absence. “Are you sure? Beomgyu didn’t do anything weird, did he?” 

His question pisses you off, perhaps because you already feel so guilty towards Beomgyu for your unjustifiable aversion to being physical to him because of your dreams, but you certainly don’t want Taehyun to think Beomgyu is abusing you or something. “No, he didn’t. He took care of me all day yesterday.” You say sharply and Taehyun winces, realizing he has gotten off on the wrong foot with you and that you’re no longer tolerant of him denigrating your boyfriend’s image to you. 

“I’m sorry.” He quickly backs down, which is unusual for him, and you feel a twinge of sorrow for going off on him like that. He was just worried about you, but still, he was inadvertently part of the reason you and Beomgyu are having issues and you can’t help but feel frustrated and resentful about that.

“Whatever.” You try to brush him off and get back to the main work area but he is not done talking. 

“I shouldn’t have said what I said.” He goes on, stopping you in your tracks and you sigh. You know exactly what he’s talking about. “No, you shouldn’t have.”  

"Can we start over?" 

You stare at him, seeing the hope in his eyes and it brings you nothing but pain. “I’m not sure we can.” 

Maybe in another world you and Taehyun may have been something–in a world where you met him before you met Beomgyu, maybe. But you would be acting wilfully ignorant if you went back to your budding friendship with Taehyun. Because you know it upsets Beomgyu. Because you know it wouldn’t be just an innocent friendship and that there is more at play here. You need to nip it all in the bud before it grows out of control and suffocates your actual, real relationship with Beomgyu. 

You’re loyal to your boyfriend. Whatever strange and inexplicable feelings you hold for Taehyun should be abandoned and forgotten, and they can’t be if you keep being such buddies-buddies with him. 

His face falls at your response and you think you can detect an edge of anger to his voice. Why the hell is he angry? He has no right to be upset with you for setting boundaries in order to protect your relationship. “I was out of line. I get it. I swear it won’t happen again.” 

“It can't.” You affirm, getting angry yourself. “I'm dating Beomgyu. I love Beomgyu.”

Though Taehyun is usually good at managing his facial expressions, you can clearly see the way his face twists in pain at your proclamation. This is exactly why you have to stay away from each other. 

“I know that.” He says through gritted teeth. “Believe me I don’t want to be having these feelings as much as you do, but I can’t control it. There is something drawing us together and I know you can feel it too.” 

“Oh, come on, Taehyun, now you sound delusional like me.” You scoff, berating yourself as much as him. You’ve let this delusion get too far. “Next thing you’ll be saying you’re having dreams of us in a past life too.” 

“Don’t mock me.” He scowls, the hurt still plainly clear on his face no matter how hard he’s trying to hide it with his unjustifiable temper. 

You sigh again. This is not a fight you want to get into. It’s over. You have to end this. “I am not mocking you. But I can’t let whatever this is ruin what I have with the man I love.” 

At that, Taehyun turns and walks away wordlessly, and a deep wound opens up in your chest as you watch him leave. You do your best to ignore it. Just as suddenly and inexplicably these feelings developed for Taehyun, you’re sure they will pass away and everything will return back to normal. This is all just a result of the doubts that have been plaguing you about Beomgyu. It’s just your mind coming up with weird feelings and scenarios that mean nothing. Soon enough, you and Beomgyu will be living in mutual bliss like before and you’ll forget about this whole nightmare. 

_______________________________

Beomgyu is holding back. You can see it. He tries to keep his desires in check so he doesn't hurt you again without meaning to. He doesn’t want to rush you but you can tell he is suffering. 

You can feel the way he reluctantly pulls away when his kisses get heated. You can see the way he averts his eyes when you wear something too revealing around the house. You can hear him when he sneaks to the bathroom in the middle of the night to relieve himself. 

And you can definitely feel it now in the way his unconscious body ruts against yours in his sleep. 

“Beomgyu…” You call out, mouth dry as you feel his cock grinding against your ass. 

“Princess…” He moans at the sound of you calling his name, his hips driving into your ass harder, still asleep. “Need you…”

And you'd be lying if you said you weren't affected too. You need him too. Your body naturally reacts to his, panties already getting wet as his bulge grinds between your legs. But you still haven’t been able to shake those disturbing images and feelings out of your head completely, especially not when he calls you princess. The word now carries an unexpected negative association for you.  

“Princess, please…” He cries in your ear, his fingers digging into your stomach. “Oh god, please.”

It makes you feel so fucking guilty to hear how desperate and needy he sounds, unconscious and unable to hold himself back like has been doing so many times recently. You want so bad to help. You want to push him on his back and ride his cock until he’s satiated and happy like he always gets when you fuck him, but you’re not sure you can. 

“Wake up.” You urge him, torn between the heat gathering in your belly and the suffocating feeling of being trapped in his hold. You want to help him–you want to help yourself–but you’re fucking scared that it would trigger those horrific images once again. 

But Beomgyu only whines and drives his hips into your harder. “My princess…”

“Beomgyu, wake up.” You call out once again, much more firmly this time, and he finally jolts awake, sitting up so he’s now hovering over you and checking you over. 

“Wha–what?” His first instinct is to make sure you’re safe and unharmed, looking over your body and touching you slightly all over to confirm you’re not injured. Then the confusion comes in–why do you have that look on your face?--but that only lasts a few seconds before the realization finally kicks in and his face crumbles in dismay. “Fuck, sorry. I’m so sorry. I've just been–”

“Needy? Yeah, I can feel that.” You push your thigh between his legs, trying to push away your unwanted feelings. He was so panicked about you being hurt that it all just makes you feel that much more guilty. Beomgyu would never hurt you. It was all in your head, and you want to get rid of it. You want to allow yourself to feel the love of your boyfriend again. 

“Oh, princess, I missed you so much.” He falls right into it, humping your leg just like you expected. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I’m so weak.” 

“Aw, puppy…” You coo, brushing his hair out of his face so you can take a good look at the pathetic look on his face that you love so much. It sends a fucking jolt of electricity down to your already heated core. 

“It has barely been a couple of weeks.” You reprimand as if your panties weren’t rapidly getting wet right now. But Shame isn’t in Beomgyu’s vocabulary anyway. “A couple of weeks of having you right next to me and not being able to touch you. It was torture.” 

He pushes your nightshirt up and buries his face in your tits. You almost laugh, of course this would be the first thing the pervert does. Except what comes out of your mouth are not laughs but moans as his mouth quickly finds one of your nipples to wrap around. 

“Fuck, I missed these tits.” He mumbles, voice muffled as he continues to kiss and suck all over your breasts, making your back arch up into his touch and small whines escape your lips. 

“Good boy, gyu.” You whine, fingers pulling ruthlessly at his hair that you’re usually so careful and gentle with as he pulls your other nipple in his mouth and sucks harshly. Your hips thrust up against his body as you seek some relief from the liquid heat dripping out of you. 

He quickly notices and one of his hands sneaks between your legs to cup your soaked panties. He pulls off your nipples with an obscene pop, smirking cockily. “Looks like I'm not the only needy one here.”

You can't do anything but bite your lip as his palm kneads your sensitive pussy, your teeth tearing into the soft skin as you try to hold in your own needy moans. But Beomgyu doesn’t like that. He uses his other hand to pull your lip away from your teeth and push his thumb in so he has your mouth open and nothing in the way of the salacious noises he craves. 

“Beomgyu…” You slur, struggling to talk with his thumb pushing down on your tongue but it's clear from the way you push your pussy further against his hand what you want. 

“Are you gonna cum, princess?” He asks, his eyes raking up and down from your flushed face to your exposed tits as you arch your body up, seeking your high against his hand. 

“Uh-huh.” Drool dribbles down the corner of your mouth that is still held open by Beomgyu before he finally removes his thumb from your mouth and uses it to flick and pull at your perked nipple.

That extra bit of stimulation makes you cry and jolt as your orgasm comes crashing down like a wave onto your poor deprived body. If your panties were wet before, you're sure that now they've drenched and staining the sheets under you. 

But Beomgyu doesn’t care. He focuses on your face as the embarrassingly wet sounds of him continuing to palm your pussy through it all fill the room. 

He doesn't stop until after your body is no longer convulsing and just settling into a sluggish tremble as your slack open mouth lets out small, hoarse moans. 

Finally he stops, bending down to kiss you, his tongue easily slipping into open mouth and his hand wrapping around your jaw to get you to wrap your lips around it. You sluggishly respond, your mind still blank from the intense pleasure you just experienced. You didn’t even realize how much you'd missed his touch until now. 

But it's not over yet. You may have gotten what you needed but he is still as needy as he was before–even more so after the little show you put on for him, and you can feel exactly how much when pulls your soaked panties to the side to press his bare cock against your pussy. 

But as soon as you feel the head of his cock at your entrance, your body seizes up in terror and your mind goes into overdrive with image after image of that horrible nightmare. 

“No!” You shriek, trying to close your legs and push him away but you can't because he's lying between your legs and you only succeed in pulling him closer to you which freaks you out even more and you start sobbing. “No. Please, no.”

“What? What happened? What did I do?” He freaks out too. It must be such a whiplash for him. Everything was going so well and he probably doesn't understand what caused your sudden breakdown, but it's not like you can explain it to him when you don't even understand it yourself. 

All you know is that you don’t want him to stop so you just cry and shake your head. “Don't. Please, don't.” 

The blood drains from his face as he helplessly watches you descend further and further into this unprovoked mental break. “Baby, what's wrong? Just tell me what happened.”

He tries to reach out to calm you down but you finally manage to push him off you and scramble off the bed. “Stay away.” 

You pull your night shirt down to cover yourself. You feel disgusted, tainted, used. Why is this happening to you? What the fuck is wrong with you?

“Princess, please. Talk to me.” He pleads, and you can see his fists clutching tightly onto the bedsheets in order to hold himself back from leaping off the bed and taking you in his arms like you know he is dying to. That's his natural response. It's what his body and heart compel him to do. When you're hurt and in pain, that's what he does–he holds you, kisses you, comforts you, reassures you until you forget everything that has hurt you because nothing in heaven or on earth can get through him. He would never let anything hurt you. But how can he do that when he's the one who is hurting you? How can he protect you from himself? 

“You're killing me, baby.” He weeps, distraught and not knowing what to do with himself when he doesn’t even know how he's hurt you. “Please, please, tell me what I did so I can fix it.”

How can you say it? It's too cruel. If he's upset and miserable now, you don't want to think about what he'd be like if you revealed to him that the reason you have been withdrawing from him and reacting so negatively to his touch was because of the terrible disgusting images your fucked up brain decided to randomly conjure up and that he had no control over. It wasn't his fault and you were basically treating him like a rapist. 

But Beomgyu will not let it go. How can he when he can't even touch you without you reacting like he had burned you? He has to know. He deserves to know it's not his fault. 

“It's… the dreams.” You start, finding it difficult to talk through your parched throat. Your eyes flutter all over his face, searching for the smallest reaction to your words. You know he won't take it well–and you can't blame him. This is why he was so wary of the dreams. He didn't want them to infect your real life and now they have completely infested your brain. 

“I had an awful dream that you… that you..” You break down crying again. You don't want to say it. You don't want to break him twice. The worst thing is that they weren’t even just dreams anymore. It was like you were recalling actual memories. They come to you while you’re fully awake now. There is no escape and you don’t know what to do. 

“That I what?” He asks, voice so shallow with fear that it's barely a whisper. 

“That you… forced yourself on me.” You finally say it and the color drains completely from Beomgyu's face. “I tried so hard to push those images away. I know you would never do that to me but every time we touch–”

“I got it.” He cuts you off, not wanting to hear anymore. Beomgyu never shuts you up. He always wants to hear you talk–to hear every thought that crosses your mind. He soaks them all up whether good or bad. This is the first time he's ever had enough and that scares you more than anything. Is this how you ruin your relationship? Is this the final straw?

“Oh god, Beomgyu, I'm sorry.” You can hardly see through your tears so you walk closer to him, your need to be comforted by him, to know he still loves you, finally overpowering the heinous images in your brain. 

But your heart rips in half when Beomgyu flinches away from your touch. “Don't.” 

“I'm sorry.” You repeat, holding your arms out slightly from your body, waiting for Beomgyu to slot his own between them where they belong, selfishly needing him to make you feel better about everything when you’re the one who hurt him. “I'll do better. I will force myself to get through this. Just please…”

“Okay.” Beomgyu replies emotionlessly and gets off the bed and away from you. 

“Where are you going?” You ask him, terrified. “Are you leaving? I'm sorry, I swear. Forget about everything I said. I'll do whatever you want, just please–”

You walk towards him, reaching out to grab the top of his pants, intent on doing anything to make him stay but he pushes you off, disgust etched on his face. “No. Don't touch me.”

You knew those words hurt him when you said them to him before but you couldn't have imagined just how much, but as you stand now with those same words directed at you, it takes every fiber of you being not to hunch over from the agony they inflict on you. You never thought those wretched words would ever come out of Beomgyu's mouth–no, not your Beomgyu. And it's all your fault. 

“Please, don't leave me.” You cry, and Beomgyu looks at you in shock. “Leave? I told you I would never leave you.”

That brings you some comfort, but it's not complete as he continues to stand far away from you, and you make sure to tell him as much. 

“Then come hold me.” You ask petulantly. Is it hypocritical of you to demand physical closeness from him when you had before pushed him away when he was in your shoes? Yes, but you don't care. You just want him to stay and put your heart back together before you bleed out. 

“I need space. I need to think.” He says and you shake your head resolutely. “There is nothing to think about. I want you to stay.”

He gives you a smile so ingenuine it looked more like a grimace. “I'll see you in the morning.” 

“Don't walk out on me, Beomgyu.” You tell him, a threatening edge to your voice. Threatening what? You don't know. What are you going to do, sulk until he comes back? 

And he knows it too because he just shakes his head and tells you to get some sleep before he walks out. You scream after him, probably waking up all the neighbors but you don't care.

“Beomgyu! Come back! You're just gonna leave me here like this, you fucking asshole?” You scream and scream until your throat raw but he doesn’t come back, and with the last bit of your energy spent on your screams, you crumble to the ground and curl up into a ball–your knees pressed up to your chest and your arms wrapped tightly around them–trying to staunch off your hemorrhaging heart as your world falls away around you. 

_________________________________________

A/N: this will always remain my comfort fic despite how dark it can be. i will never get over this. anyway let me know your thoughts and depending on the result of this poll, the next chapter may be the last one or there will be one more chapter.

[theostrophywife]

SWEET TOOTH

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🤍 pairing: lorenzo berkshire x reader.

🤍 song inspiration: so american by olivia rodrigo.

🤍 author’s note: just a cute and fluffy little piece because enzo gives off major boyfriend vibes.

It was a well-known fact that Lorenzo Berkshire had a terrible sweet tooth. 

So well known that his mates often hid their stash of sweets from him. Not that it deterred Enzo. If anything, he saw it as a challenge of sorts. 

As Lorenzo ransacked his roommate’s belongings, it should’ve occurred to him that Regulus was far too clever to leave his candy in plain sight, but his attention was focused solely on stuffing as many chocolate frogs into his mouth before his surly friend returned. In his haste, Enzo failed to notice the strange metallic taste until practically inhaling his third frog. 

Still, he figured that it was probably fine. How much damage could a chocolate frog do anyways?

Unfortunately for Lorenzo, that pesky little question would be answered soon enough. 

After carefully rearranging Reggie’s things, Enzo happily skipped off to breakfast. A smile tugged at the corner of his lips as he spotted you in the Great Hall. With a murderous expression, you swiped a chocolate croissant out of Mattheo’s reach and glared at the curly headed boy. 

“Make one more move towards my food and I’ll snap your arm like a twig, Riddle.” 

Theo snickered and draped an arm over your shoulder. “Come on, bella. Mattheo just wants a taste.” The twat wiggled his eyebrows suggestively. “And so do I.” 

You flicked his arm off and rolled your eyes. “For the last time, I’d rather gouge my eyes out, Theodore. You’d think you’d be sick of rejection and embarrassment by now.” 

Nott merely smirked. “Someone woke up on the wrong side of the bed this morning. Could’ve woken up in mine instead, if you stopped playing hard to get.” 

“Keep pissing me off and you’ll wake up to a bed full of cockroaches.” 

Mattheo cackled before ruffling your hair. “Turn that frown upside down, Y/N. Guys don’t like a grump.” 

“I do,” Enzo blurted before he could think better of it. “I think Y/N’s cute when she’s mean. Especially to you two idiots.” 

Theo and Mattheo gaped, their gazes pinballing from you to Enzo. They were no doubt expecting you to smack your best friend upside the head, but instead you shrugged and bit back a smile. 

“Really?” Theo remarked incredulously. “You’re letting that slide? You threatened to tie my tongue into a bow the last time I called you cute.” 

You huffed, crossing your arms over your chest. “Yeah, well, Berkshire doesn’t annoy me as much as you do.” 

Enzo beamed as he slid into the seat beside you. “Wow, I feel special.” 

Clearly, he was well aware of the sweet spot you had for him. Though you’d never admit it. Just like he’d never admit his long standing pathetic little crush he had on you. Except, he did sort of slip up just now, which he unfortunately would continue to do for the rest of the day. 

Lorenzo couldn’t help it. The compliments he normally kept to himself just kept spilling out of him. 

When you were studying in the library during free period, he found himself speaking thoughts that he usually saved for his inner monologue. “I like the way you scrunch your nose when you read. It’s adorable.” 

Surprised, you peered up at him from your book. His words were rewarded by an uncharacteristically shy smile. It was enough to make him momentarily forget his lack of control over his mouth.

Later in History of Magic, Lorenzo stared at you instead of focusing on completing the assignment in front of him. You tapped his nose with the end of your quill playfully. 

“You alright there, Enz?” 

“You’re so beautiful, it’s distracting. I can’t even focus on my notes.” 

You flushed in response and Enzo found that he rather liked making you flustered for a change. Maybe a case of loose lips wasn't so bad after all. 

During lunch, Lorenzo glared at Draco as the blonde asked you a question about the Draught of the Living Dead potion. 

“What’s got your knickers in a twist, cousin?” Draco asked after a moment. 

Enzo continued glaring at him and inched closer to you, draping a protective arm around your shoulder. “Look at Y/N like that again and I’ll turn you into a ferret myself.” 

The other boys snickered while Draco backed away from you. His brief stint as a rodent clearly traumatized him enough to balk at the threat. You turned away from the recounting of the infamous fourth year incident and faced Enzo. 

“Are you feeling alright, Enz? You’ve been acting strange all day.” 

Come to think of it, Lorenzo did feel a bit different. Unfiltered, unadulterated, and perhaps a tad bit unhinged. Oddly enough, it was freeing in a strange sort of way.

“I’m fine. I’m just saying what I’ve been thinking all along. Usually, I’m too scared to speak my thoughts out loud, but I’m not now.” Enzo scrunched his nose. “Also, the chocolate frogs I stole from Reg tasted kind of funny.” 

Before he knew it, you were marching right into the boy’s dormitory with him in tow. He shuffled hurriedly behind you as you yanked open the door to his dorm. Regulus lounged at his desk, flipping through the pages of his book and not bothering to look up as the two of you barged in. 

“Learned your lesson yet, Berkshire?” 

You frowned as you snatched the book out of Reggie’s hands and threw it over your shoulder. “What the hell did you do to him, Regulus?”

Regulus shrugged nonchalantly. “Slipped a bit of Veritaserum in my chocolate frogs because I knew the little weasel had been secretly stealing them behind my back.” 

“Hey!” Enzo exclaimed. “That’s rude.” 

“Is that why he’s acting so strange?” 

The youngest Black leveled an amused glance at you. “Define strange.”

“Well, he’s been complimenting me all day. He even threatened to turn Draco into a ferret for looking at me. It’s like he has no filter at all.” 

“Yeah, that’s kind of the point. Veritaserum makes you tell the truth.” 

You paused, taking in his words. “So everything Enzo said today…” Enzo smiled brightly as you glanced warily at him. “He means it?” 

Regulus nodded in confirmation. “Mhm, I’m afraid young Lorenzo has a little crush on you.” 

“Hello?” Enzo exclaimed. “I’m literally right here.” He turned to face you. “Also yes, I do have a crush on you. I have for ages. I’m honestly surprised that you haven’t noticed. I’m not that great at hiding it.” Your jaw dropped as he pivoted back to Regulus. “You’re a twat for dosing my candy, Reg.” 

“Your candy?” Regulus huffed. “I bought that with my hard earned money.” 

“You mean your allowance that mummy and daddy sends you every month? Please, Reg, you have more galleons and candy than you know what to do with. Honestly, it’s a bit selfish not to share.” 

Before you could put a stop to it, Regulus launched himself at Enzo. The boys wrestled, smacking and taunting each other like toddlers. With a frustrated sigh, you pried the two of them apart. 

“You two are honestly ridiculous.” 

Enzo pushed Regulus off of him and brushed off the front of his shirt. “Yes, but hopefully you find it cute and endearing, right? Well, me. Not Reg. I don’t really think you’re into the whole tortured poet thing he’s got going on.” 

Regulus glared at his friend. “Rude!” 

Enzo shrugged. “What? It’s true. Don’t worry, it works for some people. I think that redhead in Gryffindor likes you, but you’ve got to stop being so goddamn oblivious. She obviously wants you to break her back like a glow stick.”

“Lorenzo!” 

You smacked your best friend on the arm for his rather candid commentary, but it was half-hearted. You were too busy trying not to burst into laughter given the fact that he was completely correct. Said redhead definitely had a thing for Regulus. 

“I’m just stating facts. Anyways, if he didn’t want to hear it, he shouldn’t have dosed me.” 

You tugged Regulus by his tie. “You did this to him. Now you’re going to help me get this under control. Do you understand?” 

Regulus sighed in defeat. “Fine.” 

For the remainder of the day, you kept a close eye on Enzo. Though you and Regulus were both babysitting him, your best friend didn’t seem to mind. In fact, he seemed rather thrilled with spending the rest of the day by your side. Truth be told, you didn’t mind either despite the fact that you had to pull Enzo out of a sticky situation more than once. 

As you watched him during quidditch practice, you nearly fell out of the stands when Lorenzo cocked his head at his captain and narrowed his eyes. “Flint, why is your head shaped like that?” 

It was by sheer luck that Regulus swooped in to save the day and promptly dragged him off to perform drills at the far end of the field. At the end of practice, you thought it would be safe to lounge in the common room, but you couldn’t have been more wrong. 

Enzo snuggled to your side, his slightly damp hair tickling your neck. The familiar scent of citrus and cedar distracted you momentarily as he stared at Tom. The older Riddle was currently hustling Theo through a game of chess. 

“Tom, even though you scare me, I still think you’re hotter than Mattheo. Just don’t tell him I said that.” 

The entire room fell into a hush as Tom directed his smoldering gaze towards Enzo. You tensed beside him, fingers curled protectively around his arm. 

Finally, Tom spoke. “It’ll be our little secret, Berkshire.” 

“Salazar save us all.” 

When dinner rolled around, your fight or flight response was completely shot. Thanks to Enzo’s current condition, you were on constant alert. 

By now, the boys were perfectly aware of his inability to lie and the twats found his predicament particularly hilarious. All except Mattheo, whose ego had taken a hit after Theo told him all about Enzo’s confession to Tom. 

“I can’t believe you think Tom is hotter than me,” Mattheo grumbled. “That’s just completely mental.” 

Theo pinched his cheek. “Don’t worry, Matty. I’ll always think you’re hotter.” 

“How can you two flirt at a time like this?’ You sighed exasperatedly. “One of your best friends is under a truth spell and all you care about is being the hot brother?” Mattheo protested, but you held a hand up to halt whatever stupid remark he was itching to say. “Where is Regulus? I should wring his stupid neck for putting poor Enzo through this.” 

“I think he’s talking to that Gryffindor,” Theo said with an eyebrow wiggle. “Finally. Maybe dosing Berkshire wasn’t so bad if it gets Regulus laid.” 

As if on cue, Enzo snapped his fingers in front of Draco’s face. “Cousin, you really need to lay off the bleach. I think it’s seeping into your bloody brain. You’ve been staring at Granger so intently that it’s starting to freak her out.”

The boys snickered as Draco snapped out of his trance. Before the blonde could reprimand his cousin, you stood up and grabbed Enzo’s hand. Your best friend grinned as he linked your fingers through yours. 

“Oh, we’re holding hands. This is nice,” Enzo shuffled to his feet as you tugged him out of his seat. He didn’t seem to mind being dragged out of the Great Hall. “Hey, have I ever told you that your eyes remind me of the sunset? You’re pretty. I really want to kiss you.” 

You pointedly ignored the kissy faces Mattheo and Theo were making. “We’re leaving. Let’s go, Enz.” 

Enzo waved to your friends and grinned. “I hope we make out.” 

The boys snickered as you turned beet red. “Lorenzo!” 

“Yes, dear, coming!” 

With the promise of an impromptu movie night, you managed to coax Enzo back to his dorm. He shuffled in your lap, nuzzling into your touch as you ran your fingers through his hair. 

“Reg says the serum should wear off in an hour, so you just have to hold off until then.” 

“Oh,” Enzo said with a tinge of disappointment. “That’s a bummer. It’s kind of nice just saying whatever was on my mind.” 

“Enz, you told Theo he smelled like day old lasagna and then you hit on Tom. Tom!”

Enzo’s honey eyes blinked up at you. “What? He’s hot. You’re telling me you wouldn’t hit on him too?” 

You shook your head. “Psychopathic maniacs aren’t really my type.” 

“What’s your type then?” You fell silent for a beat before Enzo nudged your elbow with his nose. “C’mon, it’s only fair. I’ve been making a fool out of myself all day. Grant me this one, love.” 

You sighed, knowing that you’d cave to his puppy dog eyes. “I do have a crush on this one guy.” 

“What’s his name? Enzo asked as he sat upright. “His house? His dorm number? I might ask Tom to hunt him down for me.” You glared at him in response, causing him to raise his hands in surrender. “Sorry. Blame the serum.” 

You couldn’t help but chuckle. “To answer your very nosy questions, he goes by a nickname, he’s in Slytherin, and we’re currently in his dorm.”

“Oh my god. The emo act worked on you, too?” Enzo smacked his forehead in distress. “For fuck’s sake!” 

“It’s you, you idiot. I like you.” 

Enzo beamed. “Thank Godric! This is the happiest day of my life.” He bounced as he talked, eyes shining brightly. . “Do you want to go on a date with me? We could go to Hogsmeade. Wait, no. That’s not good enough. Let’s go to London. Or Paris. Fuck it, I’ll borrow Malfoy’s jet.” 

You giggled at how ridiculously adorable this boy was. “Enz, slow down! First of all, I’d love to go on a date with you. Hogsmeade is perfectly fine, but we should probably wait until you’re back to normal.” 

Enzo sighed. “Fine. I suppose I can wait. But you’re staying to  cuddle, right?” He flashed those honey eyes at you again, perfectly aware that you couldn’t resist him even if you tried. To add to his plea, Enzo jutted his bottom lip into a pout. “Please?” 

“Sure, Enz.” 

With a triumphant grin, Enzo pulled you against him. He leaned forward to kiss your cheek, making you melt. As you continued watching the movie, you couldn’t help but revel in the affection Enzo showered you with. He was a great cuddler and he smelled nice and oh gods you really, really liked him. 

“I’m not going to lie to you,” Enzo murmured against your ear. “Mostly because I can’t, but I definitely have a boner right now.” 

“Lorenzo!” 

You burst into a fit of giggles, which caused Enzo to laugh as well. He only snuggled closer, burying his face into your neck. “Sorry that I find you super hot and pretty and cute. Honestly, I’m the victim in this situation.” 

You smacked his arm. “Oh my god, just shut up and cuddle.” 

Enzo grinned as he wrapped his arms around you. “Yes, honey.” 

[xoxochb]

⋆·˚ ༘ * wait 'til you see half the things that haven't happened yet

warnings: major suggestive themes (duh!), secret relationship, pre tlt, I got lazy at the end

pairing: luke castellan x daughter of hades

summary: based on ‘I can see you’ by taylor swift

I've been watchin' you for ages, and I spend my time tryin' not to feel it

at first it was okay, you were fine with it, but after a while you suspected something was up

as the daughter of the literal god of the underworld you never had eyes on you unless it was a look of judgement (which was very common)

nobody talked to you, nobody cared for you, you were by yourself that was it, and you were fine with this. you would much rather be in your cabin reading a book than socializing anyways

and although you kept to yourself you couldn’t help but feel the eyes of the hermes head counselor on you at all times. for a while you thought it was just your imagination, why would he look at you of all people? but then you actually took the chance to look up at him, making direct eye contact, confirming your suspicions. he was staring looking at you, and it was weird

what made the situation more uncomfortable was that he was never not looking at you. it was all the time! at the dining pavilion, at trainings, when you were taking care of younger campers, literally all. the. time

you got sick of it so one day you confronted him, telling him it’s abnormal to look at people the way he does you

he replied to your insult saying that he liked you, but you told him you couldn’t be with him because of your reputation at camp

so he made a compromise: you would see each other in secret

and that’s just what you did

'cause I can see you waitin' down the hall from me

you recall those restless days, busy with camp duties, so eager to relax for the night

until you catch sight of your secret lover outside your cabin awaiting your arrival. your drowsy nature was soon forgotten about the second you pulled him in your cabin (which you were eternally grateful was empty), discarding your clothes and internally preparing for (yet another) a sleepless night

and this routine went on and on, it would be constant meet-ups at your cabin, by the lake, in the forest, literally anywhere not occupied by campers

did you regret it? not at all

but you do recall the one time you did. it was during capture the flag, which you never cared for, and you thought it would have been a perfect time to hang out, however it was not.

what happened was that you were going to be waiting in a secret part of the forest, one not known by many others, and once the game had started and campers had dispersed, luke would discard of his armor and meet you at your spot

it was going fine for the first, maybe ten minutes you say? you told him you couldn’t go any further than kissing because campers were all over and there was a chance you could get caught, and he obeyed your demands

his lips had been trailing just below your collarbone when you heard faint yelling in the distance. how far? you’re unsure, but you truly were far enough from the game that you couldn’t hear the commotion so you assumed the campers were moving towards your area as their voices got louder

that was the only time you did regret this, but it went on regardless

I could see you make me want you even more

the meet-ups got more frequent as time went on, almost every day you would have seen him at least three times, and the nightly conclaves turned to almost every night, you can’t even remember the last time you slept even a full three hours

but the more you saw each other in secret, the more the feelings and desire to be alone grew. was it bad? yes, you would probably have an eternal punishment if you were ever caught. the thrill of the secretive meetings was enough to push the negative thoughts out of your mind though, but on second thought you couldn’t think of anything when luke’s hands were on you

maybe just this one secret could be kept

[fishsinsareacknowledged]

What's your favorite 'Nikto has a crush on reader and must now do something about it' approach

The silent Nikto that stares at reader trying to manifest their affection? The stray cat Nikto that just walks into their life and refuses to leave? The socially inept Nikto who's afraid to approach so he injects himself in little ways; watching over them from afar while they're on a run or at a bar? The direct Nikto who straight up goes to reader and asks them out? The tsundere Nikto that becomes a little mean because he doesn't know how to handle his feelings? Or something else? (love me all versions)

-Kyumi

I love all versions of nikto but honestly rn I could use a nikto who forces himself into your life while you're sick. Like you're on base and you got a headache, a cough, and a runny nose. Resting in your room as directed by the medic and while you're under the covers you hear the door click open. Sure your first thought is that it's your colonel checking in on you but after hearing the first step the words die in your mouth.

Nikto who carefully untucks you out of your comfy covers, knowing and smelling the fact that you haven't showered well in over a week due to your sickness. Nikto who just came back and also needs one himself as he ungraciously undresses you while you weakly protest. Unable to even do much, dizzy yet recognizing that he's trying to take care of you.

An equally tired Nikto who dragged a plastic chair into your room along with him just so you could sit down while you shower. Making sure the water was far too warm for himself yet the perfect temperature for you. Washing your hair and all, debating tying you up when you protest that you don't need any help. Nikto who forces your arms down when you try swatting him away. Pressing a kiss to your forehead as he does, understanding that you're not in the right state of mind to even think.

Nikto who likes seeing the dazed out relaxed look on your face as the warmth melts you. Holding you close and gently picking you up just so he can sit down and place you on his lap while you feel some form of peace after your week-long headache.

"Better yes?", chuckling while he asks. A low laugh that rocks through your body in gentle vibration as he presses a kiss to your forehead, knowing you can't even resist.

Nikto who turns off the shower hours later when it starts to go cold. Using up a whole base's worth of warm water supply for the both of you. Sure he's basically scolding himself till his skins raw and red but the pain free look in your eyes is all he needs to breathe clearly through the suffocating moisture of the shower.

Nikto who brought extra towels just to unroll them flat on your bed, slowly drying you head to toe as he makes sure not to wake you up. A frown on his face when he realizes how warm you already were.

Nikto who obliges happily when your unconscious body reaches out to him. Your soft muscles and skin pulling him down into a chokehold as you mumble incoherently through your dreams. Nikto who tries hard not to moan at the feeling of the front of your body against his back.

Nikto, exhausted and stuck, placed in a chokehold of you, falls asleep. But not before he places a hand around your wrist, making sure that you don't escape when you wake up.

××××××××××××××××××××××x x××××××××××××××××××××××

Idk I like delusional nikto who tries to manifest the attraction too. Cause honestly it would work on me. Like those eyes. Me when. Yk? Oh also domestic kink Nikto. Idk...but he would.

Masterlist

[nightcolorz]

Armand could definitely 100% have prevented Claudia and Madeline’s death like obviously he is so full of shit 😭😭 he just chose not to. I dont think he was lying about being held captive, though. It seems more likely to me that he allowed himself to be imprisoned bcus the ultimate outcome would be desirable, rather then like, he was secretly orchestrating it all like a devious Master mind and was only pretending to be a prisoner to trick Louis. I think Armand was genuinely being imprisoned, but he could have easily escaped (as if the vampire Armand couldn’t win in a fight against Sam The Twink), and chose not to because it’s in his best interest for Claudia and Madeline to die 😭. While part of his betrayal I think comes from a comfort Armand takes in learned helplessness, where taking action feels less safe then leaning into victimhood, so armand chooses to accept helplessness rather then play the hero bcus helplessness is comforting, it was also definitely part “I want these two people to be gone from my life and this seems like a sure fire way to let it happen while I get to remain mostly blameless” 😭. Armand finds Claudia’s whole existence horrific and cruel. I don’t think he particularly likes or dislikes her as a person, he doesn’t seem to know her very well nor care to know her (he actually says this in tva lol), so I don’t think he considered letting her a die an act of spite.

Armand thought of Claudia as a suffering, rabid, sick and diseased animal that needed to be put down for its own well being. He considered her death an inevitable tragedy that “could not be prevented”, and bcus of his perspective on vampirism as a horrible curse that can only be spared through very specific very calculated and clean cut means, he wanted her death to come as quick and painlessly as possible. From Armand’s perspective, if he saved Claudia from death by execution, he’d only end up watching her excruciatingly loose her mind and self until she eventually killed herself or got put down by Armand or someone else Nicki style so that she wouldnt need to live in agony anymore.

Which, his whole perspective there is flawed, and fucked up, and dehumanizing of Claudia, but it makes sense why he would think that way. Armand considers vampirism to be always bad, regardless of the subject turned, and always smth he would hate to inflict on someone. So claudias turning, is not only cruel to Armand, but unforgivable and unsalvageable. He’s seen a lot of fucked up vampires in his time, a lot of botched turnings, and he knows from his experience how much of a toll vampirism takes on anyone, let alone someone in the body of a child. His whole “I will never turn someone into a vampire ever in my life” thing comes from this. So, of course he won’t save claudia from such a clean cut, blameless death 😭. He considers it an act of mercy, when he pictures the alternative as “Claudia clings to Madeline as she painfully looses her mind and eventually dies”. Which, comes into why he didn’t save Madeline either lol

Armand doesn’t particularly value life as smth to be worth preserving, he is very willing to view other ppl as commodities when it helps him. But he does value preserving peace and limiting other’s suffering (which is why he kills so gently). Armand is so horrified by Madeline being turned, partly bcus I think he saw himself in her. He sees a fledgling who he believes will inevitably loose her maker, the only person she rlly cares about, to horrible gruesome death, and he knows that once she experiences that her life as an immortal will be cruel and unbearable. So once she is turned, Armand sees another lost cause who will be better off if she is killed before it can get bad. What Armand misses when it comes to Claudia and Madeline, obviously, is that they r more resilient and self sufficient then he sees, and taking away their agency by deciding they have no hope and must die isn’t the mercy he sees it as but is actually like, fucked up and horrible. Armand is so blinded by his trauma fueled dog eat dog view of life as a vampire that he can’t see that.

I think the reason armand considers the perks of Claudia and Madeline’s death a priority over Louis’s happiness (and horrible grief that will ensue when his loved ones die), is bcus Armand considers Claudia and Madeline’s death an inevitable consequence of Louis’s unforgivably cruel actions. He doesn’t resent Louis for it I don’t think, but he definitely thinks that Louis will need to atone for what he’s done whether Armand wants him to or not. So, Armand is ok with Louis grieving (as long as it doesn’t turn to resentment of Armand), bcus it was ultimately inevitable, and comparatively less cruel then what he would have to witness alternatively. It’s a rip the Band aid off type of thing 😭😭

in conclusion uh Armand is bad but Armand has his reasons and Armand isn’t one dimensionally villainous, he has a ton of complex trauma induced reasons for the way he thinks, and his actions r more often then not coming from a warped view of “the kind thing to do” that comes from his lack of understanding of how kind the world actually is and can be (dog eat dog mindest etc), bcus of how horribly traumatized he is. thank u good night

[toxycodone]

Hey Toxy! Sorry for the sudden radio silence on asks from me, but I got nasty icky sick.

Any quick thoughts on the Touden Party (post Falin being revived) with a gn!reader or fem!reader who got sick (stomach bug or flu is okay with me)?

Thank you again! Love your blog!

-Deer Anon. 🦌❤️

NOOOO OMG...im so sorry to hear that i hate. the flu. I had it in the beginning of this year and when I tell you I was DYING. ugh.

Laios

Probably the most visually affected. Literally says out loud "that's awful!!" when he hears you're sick. Bro is not having it

He's not squeamish, so he volunteers to check on you (along with Falin, theyre a duo).

He holds your hair back when you throw up. King

I think he spends a lot of time unintentionally fretting about you. Will you be okay? Getting sick is the worst. He just ultimately feels bad.

I think he tries to distract you by reading or trying to play games. The others have to keep him from you because he's so eager to just hang out and doesn't really think about the reality that hey. you have something infectious!!

Falin

She's genuinely an unbothered queen in the best way possible. Because she doesn't freak out or anything. Falin is just like "okay" and comes up with her game plan

She's good at nursing you back to health but she doesn't overdo it. Falin is really lowkey and honestly an excellent caretaker. She's the one monitoring your temperature and making sure you get enough fluids and she doesn't cringe when you vomit everywhere. Just frowns and gets to cleaning up.

She'll use her magic to help alleviate your symptoms before she goes <3

Marcille

Instantly freaks. Because ew germs and being sick but also like are you gonna be okay?? Marcille wants to like consult every medic in town before Falin reassures her its cool

Marcille makes the best herbal tea for you...since Falin has you covered with the magic, Marcille focuses on her home remedies and such.

SHE WOULD DO YOUR HAIR. It's an act of love. Usually people don't think about that but having icky hair when you're sick is the worst and Marcille won't have it.

Chilchuck

Oh I know he's immediately thinking of a lecture. He wants to go to you and tell you about how he told you so and you shouldn't have pushed yourself

But when he sees you he just sighs. You look terrible (affectionately) and he just feels super bad. Chil presses his hand to your forehead and tsks and immediately starts doing the mental checklist of what he'd do for his daughters when they were sick

He kinda chides you, but ultimately he settles to change your bedding when it gets too sweaty and make sure you're getting some sort of bath/shower.

He also does that dad thing where he comes into the room and just looks at you when you're sleeping to make sure you're good

Senshi

SENSHI THE GOAT IS MAKING AN IMMACULATE CHICKEN SOUP FROM BONE BROTH HE MADE PREVIOUSLY AND STORED. He is so real.

He doesn't pressure you to eat and just like, makes sure you're at least drinking the broth to get your strength up.

I also like to think he'd attempt to make the Orc medicine he learned while living with them too, just in case. Even small doses of that could hopefully get you feeling better.

But he's helping Chil with the sheets and washing dishes and such. Senshi also stays in the room with you when he has down time during the day and will read you pa

Izutsumi

Eh...do not expect much from her. But she assists the others in the background. Mainly by helping Senshi or Chilchuck take care of you.

She could probably tell you were sick like the day before and avoided you or mentioned you having a strange smell.

But when she hears you're sick she's like :/ "called it"

When no one else is there she "begrudgingly" sleeps at the foot of your bed. It helps you with the chills but also when you have a fever you're really warm

(She probably also gets sick then you have to help her out since its "your fault" hehe)

[margareth-lv]

🥱 'Boredom is the root of all evil' 🥱

[Søren Aabye Kierkegaard]

I was actually looking for something else, and all of a sudden it was like, 'Ba-bow!' Cather's post on X, written when the site was called Twitter, in March 2021. This one: ⬇️⬇️⬇️ ⬇️⬇️⬇️

*** *** ***

I do not know the context in which this post appeared, and I am not convinced that ‘Those two have the power to set all kinds of boundaries’. Rather, I think that the margin of freedom they have is rather thin. It doesn't change the fact that the whole 'Tony' story (as Sam said, there's always 'Tony') is being sold to the public as more of a farce than a serious relationship.

[Well, I apologise for talking so much about 'Tony'. However, given the large number of newcomers to my blog, I feel a social duty to raise awareness.]

My advice? The advice of someone who feels every new appearance of 'Tony' at Caitríona's side as a kick to the solar plexus? All you have to do is take a closer look and you'll see that there's no need to get your heart racing every time Tony materialises.

That made me think of this photo, which I think is relevant to my last post about 'the one who can run with the hare and hunt with the hounds'.

⬇️⬇️⬇️ ⬇️⬇️⬇️

You know, lovely couple who are just engaged are chatting about wedding scams in Bruton, Somerset (spring 2019).

What kind of genius orchestrated this set-up, with the hare pointing a double-barrelled shotgun straight at the groom-to-be's forehead (to the apparent delight of the bride-to-be)? And who in their right mind would sit at a bistro table with a cap on their head?

To be honest, it's been a farce from the start.

*** *** ***

I told you,

'Boredom is the deadliest poison.'

[William F. Buckley, Jr., Milestones]

Give me some new content with Sam and Cait and I'll stop bothering you with the 'Tony' stories. They make me sick. I'm not hiding.

🤢🤮🤢

[21 June, 2024]

[bigsexiest]

Strange Rain Sickness

Rain's sickness is sort of vaguely described as "drying out". Do with that what you will. Swiss could've probably had a bigger role in this but whatever. I've been feeling somehwat brain sick and I thought this would be cute to write out. For some reason I've been second-guessing the validity of my work despite this being a completely anonymous account. I'm overthinking. I just need some cute ghouls to make me feel better. Rainy is so pathetic and Swiss is so hero. I love them so much.

word count: 1420

synopsis: Rain starts feeling hella sick and Swiss is there to save the day

The second the water hit Rain’s skin, he felt much better.

The pack had been rehearsing in the abbey. Nothing intricate, just making sure everything looked and sounded good. Rain figured he must have head-banged too hard or stomped across the stage too fast. He was drying out. He skipped his regular morning shower, expecting to make it through the day fine. Rain knew he would fall over if he did not come into contact with water soon.

Luckily, Papa had just called for a break. A strange tingling sensation had started in the tips of Rain’s fingers and slithered up his arms. The same happened with his feet and legs. His head felt as though they weren’t connected to his body. Rain was running out of time.

Leaving the stage, Rain practically threw his bass at a sibling of sin and ran as fast as he could toward the ghoul den. He didn’t care about returning. He just needed to get to water.

He couldn’t feel his legs, but he made it just the same. Flipping the light switch would have taken him too long so he hopped into his bathtub in the darkness. It didn’t matter, he could see in the dark despite his quickly blurring vision.

Turning on the faucet brought immediate relief. He blacked out in the pleasure. The sensation was reminiscent of falling backward or drifting to sleep after a day of hard work. The longer Rain existed outside the pit, the better he has gotten at not drying out. If he’s lucky he can go days without needing to submerge himself. Not that that happens often.

Usually, Rain stays comfortable by using the water from his showers. Occasionally he’ll use the lake. Rain will start drying out if he doesn’t submerge himself in water often enough. It’s a water ghoul necessity. Drying out has its own array of problems. It starts with a dry feeling in a ghoul’s mouth and on its skin. Sometimes these symptoms can be overlooked. If they are, the ghoul will begin feeling nauseous, lightheaded, and weak. These symptoms are much easier to realize. Finally, if none of these symptoms are managed, a ghoul can pass out and eventually even die. 

Rain doesn’t understand why he missed the warning symptoms earlier. It hadn’t been that long since he’d showered. Rehearsing had never been an issue before, nor did he think he was doing anything more strenuous than anyone else. Taking all of this into consideration, he had no explanation.

The water had filled up the tub and Rain finally turned off the faucet. His body was submerged up to his neck. Lukewarm water flowed in and out of his gills. He found it easier to rehydrate if he used them.

Quiet droplets dripping from the faucet had just started to lull Rain to sleep when a frantic knocking could be heard coming from the door to his room. Rain sat up but made no move to get up and actually answer the door.

“Rainy, are you in there?” Swiss’s voice stood out. It was loud and emotive. Rain liked knowing what faces the multighoul was making based only on the sound of his voice. The door to the bathroom was open so Swiss could hear when Rain called for him to enter.

From the bathroom, Rain saw the confused look on Swiss’s face as he looked for where the water ghoul was. 

Rain called to him again. “I’m in here.” He was so tired.

His eyes were closed when Swiss crouched down beside the tub. “Little ghoul, you don’t look so hot.” 

Rain made a noncommittal ‘mmhm’ noise in return. The original bliss of the water had started to wear away. It wasn’t as urgent, but he was still in pain.

“How long have you felt like this, Rain?” It was clear Swiss was no longer teasing, his voice was serious and concerned. 

There was nothing Rain wanted to do less than explain how he felt. Just listening to Swiss was making things worse. He wished he could just fall asleep until he felt better. 

Rain must’ve passed out. He doesn’t remember anything other than the excruciating wave of exhaustion after Swiss’s questions. He knows he hasn’t moved from the bath, but Swiss isn’t in the room anymore. Rain even leans forward to try and see if he’s in the main room anywhere. 

Rain wonders to himself if Swiss had ever been there at all. What if he had been hallucinating? Rain realizes he has to find help. The water might be making things more bearable, but he was not feeling any better. Something was seriously wrong.

Despite the various red flags raised in his mind, Rain forces himself to grab the edges of the bathtub and push himself to his feet. The cold water dripping off his body gives him a chill and he shivers violently. He wraps his arms around himself but the sudden lightheaded feeling he gets gives him an immediate headache. Through the extreme pressure building in his head, he wonders how he’s supposed to find help. He can barely see through the pain.

His clothes are plastered to his body and his hair is in his eyes. He feels pathetic and he can clearly see in his mirror that he indeed looks like a drowned owl. Shuffling across the floor is slow but anything faster might put him in his grave. The shivering rattles Rain’s body deep within his chest. He can’t take deep breaths without risking a coughing fit. 

Just as he’s about to reach for his doorknob to leave the room, Swiss barges in. His eyes are wide and panicked. Rain doesn’t see much, he closes his eyes trying to avoid being knocked over by the big ghoul. 

He can faintly feel what must be Swiss’s hands on his upper arms holding him up and guiding him to the bed. Everything sounds and feels like it's miles away. It takes a conscious effort to open his eyes and be present. 

Rain’s vision is still blurry but as he’s laying back on his bed he’s sure he can see what looks like either Omega or Aether standing next to Swiss. They’re looking down at Rain, Swiss looks worried but what now appears to be both Omega and Aether are trying to ask Rain various questions that he can’t understand. 

Rain tries to convey his confusion, but it’s just a mumble. The quintessence ghouls look at each other, but Swiss doesn’t take his eyes away from the water ghoul. 

Rain isn’t sure about how he ended up in Omega’s arms, being carried through the halls. He wasn’t very familiar with the ghoul. Rain only knew it was Omega because his scent was so different from Aether’s. Aether’s warm cedar and honey scent had been a comfort for Rain for the many years they had known each other. Rain’s eyes were closed but he could still faintly smell both Swiss and Aether under Omega’s scent. 

At his soft whine, he felt his hand taken up and held in the warm hand of another ghoul. Upon opening an eye a sliver, he could see Swiss still looking at him with concern holding his hand. He was jogging to keep up with Omega’s quick pace. Feeling safe despite the pain, Rain closed his eye and allowed himself to drift off again.

Waking up in the infirmary was never fun, but at least Rain didn’t feel as bad as before. He was still exhausted but seeing Swiss curled in a small chair beside his bed holding his hand filled his heart with a unique warmth. Soft snores were the only noise in the room. Rain wanted to cry out with adoration for the multighoul, but opening his mouth would be too much work. Instead, he let out a discomforting whimper loud enough to wake Swiss and squeezed his hand. When Swiss opened his eyes and straightened in his chair to check on Rain, Rain used the last of his strength to pull Swiss’s arm towards the bed. He scooched to the edge of the bed so Swiss could fit. There was a second’s hesitation in the multighoul’s eyes, but then he climbed onto the bed and pulled Rain close. Quickly drifting off to sleep again, Rain began to softly purr in satisfaction at being comforted despite being so sick. Starting the slow recovery process from the strange sickness, Swiss decided then and there that he wouldn’t leave Rain’s side.

[vegaseatsass]

My Stand-In Episode 9

I have like 10min to ejaculate some emotions before I have to run again so lmfao /types hard and fast I adore that after twisted coercive action after twisted coercive action, Ming almost almost almost had his Kinn moment where he lets Joe go. He came SO close. But he couldn't stick the landing. He's going twisted coercion to the VERY END, BABY!!! And I do think in many ways that's a clue about whether he would have been able to let Joe go when he asked in the first life, before the baseball bat, if Joe hadn't gotten the call from Sol and given Ming a justification for spiralling into delululand. I really do think he was close to hearing Joe then too, and honoring his desperate requests to let go. But "close" means letting him walk across the street and then chasing him, not actually releasing his grip. Ming will always be so very Ming <3

Wut pissed me off throughout this ENTIRE episode but I am trying not to relapse to "the NARRATIVE doesn't UNDERSTAND what it's DOING" reactions to characters with his framing and actually just take what's on the screen in good faith. And what's on the screen is a man who never truly acknowledged his own role in getting Joe killed, doomed to make all the same choices and mistakes all over again. While carrying himself with so much unearned self-righteousness and avuncular "wisdom", augh I hate him but yeah. He thinks what he did wrong in Joe's first life is like not yell at him hard enough to keep him from driving off a cliff. Not push an abused, financially desperate man into further isolation with nary a moment of considering trying to support him or even just giving him companionship for the night while he recovered from being fuckin kidnapped. So yeah, it's not surprising he's consistently making the easy choices, the "it's not REALLY my problem" choices, that put Joe back in Ming's grasp again and again. Like okay thank you as a plot device Wut (yes I am a sick and twisted hypocrite lmao), but fuck you fuck you fuck you as a human being.

However! SOL THIS EPISODE! Oh my god this is why I needed to quickly post! The duality of this character! I made FUN of Ming for thinking that Soljoe as a branded pair was any kind of threat, but episode 9 Sol was like "no actually. Audience shipping is reality if we try hard enough to make it be so." The way the lines are so blurred for him between just desperately desperately wanting to be there for Joe and desperately desperately wanting Joe to see that Ming is the wrong choice and Sol is the right choice, and I have strong doubts about how fully conscious the latter is - he knows he still wants Joe, sure, but I think he sees his (nonexistent, sorry baby) romantic eligibility as an opportunity to get Joe away from Ming. If Joe had a partner who wasn't violent and dangerous, I truly believe Sol would back off while harboring his feelings more quietly. But if Joe is single or with Ming? Sol has to try with everything he's got and cannot see the ways that that compromises his support for Joe.

And yet! EVERY time he called out Wut for facilitating Mingjoe (SERIOUSLY WHAT THE FUCK WUT) I was cheering for him. Helping Joe with (Joe-on-Joe) crimes??? Being his lookout??? The crowd ROARED! And there's something to be said for Joe in the middle of the grieving process for his body and life, and Sol being the one who comes by to accompany him the next morning. Again, it's that duality: he is coming because they have a music video to promote, he is coming because he's giddy about selling them as a branded pair and maybe making Joe see him as a romantic option. But being very frank, I think it matters that Joe had someone who knew what happened and knew he was in the middle of grieving be there at his side that morning. I don't think he struggled to wake up when Ing shook him because he was sleepy. I think he was carrying something a lot heavier than that, and you need community to help you carry that burden. And there's nobody trying to or thinking of offering that for Joe except Sol. For partly selfish reasons, again, that's the juice of the character, that that duality is always present for him, but for ME it still matters as a kind of material support.

Lastly, the little glimpse of Yim being bitter and fucked up about Joe's death, and how that went over Joe's head, because he doesn't expect his CHILDHOOD FRIEND to remember him and grieve him. Delicious little detail.

[doe-eyed-and-desperate]

Love when a good song gives me some ideas

Song reference:

Tongues & teeth by The Crane Wives

Thinking about being fwb with wearwolf outcast of a small town. They’re an outcast for a good reason they’re violent and aggressive the town has half the sense to put them down for some of there outbursts. But you don’t see that you see someone you could fix (classic savior complex) and you want to fix them because you love them (not like you would tell them though). With all their bad habits every time you come over to try and help them a bit, always after a rough few rounds of sex. You think you’re being discreet but they can see right through you..

Eventually they get sick of you trying to help them and confront you, telling you out front that this would never work. They’re far to cruel for you, far to cold, far to violent especially for a little human like you to handle. Grabbing your chin and tilting t up to them as they run their thumb over the cut on your lip from their teeth.

They talk of how they would ruin you, they know that you mean well but they’re not someone who deserve your good intent. They let let go and head to leave now that you’re crying they feel as though they’ve made there point but here you are still tugging on there sleeve talking on how you don’t care. How pitiful they think as you beg and beg for them to stay that you’re fine with all their flaws and just want to at least try making things work..

They keep listening stone faced as you cry and plead with them till they finally snap. Fine you want their love they’ll give it to you. They manhandled you to the ground not bothering to listen to your Inesscents tears why should they this is what you were pleading for. And they’re fully intend to keep to their promise and ruin you.

Looking at the aftermath of your body they smile in an almost sadistic way. They get dressed leaning down to press a small kiss to your lips there teeth cutting into your lips again. As the whisper “if your fine with that you can be mine” they lean back watching as sleep takes you before they get up and leave.

Yah just a thought Ykwim

Always just a thought

Maybe to much of a thought

Anywhoooi

-🎀

I completely forgot about that song, the crane wives are a great band. Also, babes, you need to start writing, this was a very fun prompt. I literally stopped what I was doing and immediately started writing for it

Also, should I name them? if so, I want ideas

WC: 1.1k

TW: Dubcon? violence, toxic/abusive relationship, Ddne

You had always been intrigued by them, hearing stories and rumors of a violent brutal werewolf with not a care for anyone or anything. Whenever they return to the public for any reason the aura of dominance and cruelty radiates off of them. No one needs to be told to stay out of their way, their body just forces them, innately knowing this is a dangerous dangerous person.

But you must be lacking that basic instinct.

That or you're really fucking stupid. The towns people have yet to decide, as you, someone who can't fight for a shit, not that it'd matter, walk up to them and try to begin a conversation. The hair on everyone's neck stands, a sickening dropping feeling in all their stomachs, as though they were the one talking, knowing what is to come next.

To everyone's surprise, the monster doesn't immediately lash out at you. Bare those jagged teeth or stain your body with their marks, but just stops and stares down at you, their hulking non-human body towering over your own. Perhaps the hesitation is only of confusion, or maybe they've managed to retain a bit of the humanity they once gripped desperately onto.

Who knows.

The people around you quickly pull you away as the werewolf starts to change their mind, snarling at you. You got lucky, don't test it again. But whatever thoughts you had before of them still having the capacity to love have fully been unearthed, now at the forefront of your mind at all times. You saw the hesitation and decided it meant everything.

They decided you were really fucking stupid.

They will only hurt you. They'd enjoy every second of it too. They're nothing but sharp teeth and claws. But you don't listen, trying to prove to everyone that the wolf's not as bad as they seem.

So, you track them down, it isn't too hard, they don't live very far from town, and bring them something you've baked. They're already on edge, not expecting someone to just show up and at their home, and seeing you pisses them off. But they show restraint and only slam the door in your face, telling you to fuck off. You just leave the pastries on their doorstep, a little hurt, but not shaken, deciding to keep this up.

The second visit they didn't even open the door. But the third was worse. They were angry with your actions, just leave them alone, they don't need your fucking pity. They push you, sending you tumbling back, a claw mark ruining your pretty skin. A few tears well in your eyes from the rejection and pain, but you quickly blink them away and stand back up, trying to talk to them. They just growl and throw the food to the ground next to you.

The towns people are begging for you to stop, they hurt you. They are nothing but the monster they've succumbed to. Why do you want to go back? You don't listen, refusing to give up.

This time you take a different approach, instead of bringing something you made, you bring yourself. Offering your body up for their use.

They actually take you up on this offer, kicking you out the second they were done. Leaving you limping and littered in their marks, not caring to be gentle with you. You asked for this, you knew what you were getting into and you just kept coming back for more. Trying to stay after you're both finished, talking gently to them of domestic peaceful things.

But they see right through you. They know there is no true altruistic motivation for your actions. This is not for the genuine betterment of the wolf.

No, you never actually cared about that, you're only doing this becuase you want to be seen as better. You just want to feel like a good person with your "good intent." You have a savior complex. You don't actually care about them at all, it's never been about them. It was always about You.

Watching your bloodied lip move while you talk, one they bit into to make it that way, talking about far too sweet things, they snap.

"Stop! Fucking stop! I am so sick of this, I'm not some little project for you to fix, goddamit! I cannot be gentle. Why don't you understand? There is no fixing me. You burn with feelings I can't return."

"You had to know this wasn't going to last."

They turn to leave, going to go hunt as a means to get the anger coursing through their veins an escape. Their words slam you like a brick wall, you look around frantically, body starting to shake, you run towards them. Sobbing and gripping onto their arm, begging for them to stay.

You need them.

Can't they see that?

Its pathetic, but its the only thing you can do. Broken hoarse words spilling from your lips. You don't even know what you're saying anymore, but it doesn't matter. All that matters is that they're still here.

They just stare at you with those same dead eyes as they did all that time back. Not an ounce of care in them. They snarl and push you off, but you come back the second you stand. They clench their jaw and refuse to look at you, ignoring your pitifully desperate pleas.

Every time they look at you they can only see the worst parts of themself, the parts that have nearly engulfed them whole. All the claw marks, bruises, cuts, bites, staining your innocent weak body.

This is what they do to those they love.

They will only hurt you.

Can't you see that?

They can't be trusted, they do nothing but harm. They can never change, they wouldn't even if they could. This is who they are. Nothing more, nothing less. Abandon any dream you had about the person they could have been.

They warn you that they will ruin you too, corrupt you. But you don't care, you say they're all you want, no matter what.

Finally, they accept your words, deciding to give you what you're asking for. Pushing you to the ground, tearing your clothes to shreds, stabbing their teeth into your skin, ravaging your body completely. Cry all you want, this is what you were begging for.

What? Can't take it now that you've gotten what you want?

Should've thought about that before pleading for it. You don't have a choice now. You wanted their love? Now you have it.

Using your body till they're fully satisfied, not caring for you at all. Ruining your body with each hit, ruining your body with the pleasure they give, even if not meaning too. They finish, and just like the first time, get up and leave. Your bruised and bleeding body lies there on the cusp of unconsciousness and they sink their teeth into the same cut on your lip, leaning over you, growling, "You're mine, now.

"This is the price of my love."

[sophieinwonderland]

It sucks to want to support your posts because when you get told by your supporters that something you did hurt them or didn't help or hurt a whole group of people it always has you saying "I'm sorry you felt that way" or "I'm sorry it came across like that", it never feels like you're sorry for what you've said, it's always that you're sorry people took you, someone who says they speak facts and wants to disprove lies, as being truthful when you say things. You basically blame your supporters for thinking you mean something fully when you often do.

It's hard to even believe you didn't just say sorry because it upset a fan, I like your stuff, I really do, but when the ONLY reason you "realised it was hurting people" was when a supporter told you, it's a bad sign. People were telling you there were issues before that, both anti-endos and people who had NO part in system-topics at all, you were told it triggered and upset people, you ONLY listened when it was someone who said they were a supporter, no one else got the point across to you? How does that happen? and the most you can give was "it was meant to upset anti-endos"? How is that a good excuse? If an anti-endo can disprove something you say fully (like even you can see you were wrong, by mistake or something), is that to be ignored because you dislike anti-endos? Even if they disprove something totally unrelated to endos? That is bad. Awful actually. It makes me not want to trust you when I can't even know if you even look at both sides in any way, now I look at your posts and wonder if you've cut context or made something up just to "upset anti-endos" like everyone says anti-endos do to endos, instead of because you can actually prove they're wrong. This isn't how I want to feel, but you make that SO hard when you won't even agree wholeheartedly that what you said was actually just wrong and it wasn't people "feeling the wrong way about it".

Like that's not even a hard thing to agree to, it never had to be a long "I'm sorry, I'm an awful person" kind of thing, you never even had to say sorry to anti-endos at all. But the fact you wouldn't say "I'm sorry" without an "that you felt that way" really just sucks dude. It sounds like you don't mean it at all, because you're passing the blame to people for being upset at you, not because you did something wrong.

This clearly isn't an attack, it's a fan who truly wants to see you actually learn that, although saying "sorry" IS good and what you should do, how you say it says a lot about you as a person and makes people feel ways when it isn't done with the respect that they think should come from you.

I like your stuff, it's good, it's well-researched and well-written, and I'm sure MANY of your other fans feel the same, but the part that makes us love your stuff so much is why we were so disappointed in your apology; it wasn't even well-written, let alone well-researched.

If none of that gets to you, just think about how you actually upset and hurt people, anti-endos, endos, people who are trying to learn, people who don't even know what an endo is, and so on, you upset tons of people, for what? A "gotcha" at anti-endos? Why would that ever be worth the hurt? Why can't an actual apology be offered? That's stuff I was wondering when reading your apologies, and that sucks.

Overall just hope you can learn, because this never should have happened in the first place, let alone ended with such a poor apology.

I wish you luck and I do hope to be able to keep supporting you, just wish an effort could be made to make your fans feel like they're not even allowed to tell you when you fuck up.

Tell me, do you ever get sick of it all?

How long have you been involved in syscourse? For me, it's been close to 3 years. Practically since the first time I got posted to r/systemscringe for making a post on r/tulpas about how we used kissing to trigger me to front. (We stopped because a happiness trigger was too unstable and I started switching in when we weren't wanting me to.)

3 long years of watching people I care about be bullied and harassed. 3 long years of facing that myself. Maybe that doesn't sound like much but for me it feels like a lifetime.

I thought coming to Tumblr, I could share information and be compassionate, and change people's minds.

Did it work?

A little bit. Here and there. Between all the harassment campaigns and hate sent my way, I know I changed some minds along the way.

But there's been so much hate directed at us. I've watched so many people get hurt. And I've tried to stop it. Tried to fight back. But it always keeps coming.

We get some wins. We change some minds. We make a difference. I don't want to minimize our successes because there are plenty.

But more anti-endos keep coming. More keep spreading hate.

And more of us keep getting hurt. Over and over and over again.

So we go through years of this, culminating into Aspen's invasion of our tags and them passing posts around literally calling for death to the endos of Tumblr. And the anti-endo community largely did nothing. They said nothing.

And it wasn't a small post nobody saw either. It was a huge picture with 60 notes. It was posted in their tag. How messed up is that, that so many anti-endos liked and shared that, passing it around, and the community remained totally silent?

And while I wouldn't advise going into people's DMs to try to get them to change their minds by telling them anti-endos nearly bullied your friend to commit suicide, the fact that their responses when someone has done that have been come variation of "we don't care actually, LOL" has been disheartening to say the least. Because it drives home a central fact... that many of these anti-endos simply don't care if we die.

Many, I think, would genuinely be happy if I was dead.

And then there was the SAS drama. I definitely would never claim to have done this for SAS. Even without asking or seeing their opinion, I'm sure SAS would hate what I did. But it's more that the whole incident showed me just how few morals this current batch of anti-endos have. That they would dox an account that's not connected to being a system at all, one that's followed by people who know SAS in real life, and when called out they ALL defended it and stood by AEV. IIRC, AEV's own response when called out was saying that some people don't deserve privacy!

All their followers stood by this. All defended them. I looked so hard in this current batch of anti-endos to see even one who would condemn this. One who might restore a bit of faith that their community wasn't just assholes and bullies. And I found nothing.

So... I forged my words into a blade. Because after 3 year of fighting with people, you get to know their insecurities. Their fear of abandonment. Their desperate need to cling to everything and terror of it being ripped away from them. Their self-loathing, because a small part of them does know they're the bad guys. You can't hurt people constantly and spread hate, day after day, without that doubt slipping into your mind.

So I took all of that and forged it into a blade that was meant to... maybe... make anti-endos feel a fraction of the pain they've caused our community. Or at least turned a blind eye to pain their friends were causing us.

The reason I won't offer a full apology is because... I don't want to lie like that.

You say you can't trust me to be honest. But if I told you right now that I regretted my entire post and wish that I could take the whole thing back, that I was deeply sorry for it all... that would be the real lie. I would be saying it to make this whole thing go away and placate people who are mad at me, but I wouldn't feel it.

In my apology, I believe what I said was that I'm sorry it came off that way. Maybe this sounded like I was blaming them, but I was trying to apologize for phrasing it in a way that was interpreted like it was, when that's not how I meant it.

I do regret that the way it was worded triggered delusions. If I were to reforge my blade, I would have made it differently to be more clear and hopefully avoid that. Because my blade was designed to cause a specific sort of fear and hurt and pain, and that wasn't it. And so for that one part I really am truly sorry and feel it went too far.

But... I don't regret telling them that their loved ones would leave them. I don't regret telling them that their therapists will turn pro-endo. I don't regret telling them that they would be pushed out of their fandoms and communities.

I was even grateful to endogenic-cringe for delivering and swinging my blade for me, because it wouldn't have been able to reach as many anti-endos without their help. So many of the anti-endos who were affected by my post only saw it because of them. They made such a great accomplice.

Maybe that makes me a bad person.

But I'm what I've been made by dealing with three years of hate. And worse, three years of watching other people endure it and be broken down by it. I hate, so much, watching people in this community be constantly bullied and abused just for their system being different. Or even just being inclusive to different systems.

You know... I can finally sympathize with Hyaena-Bites. (Wonder who all here has stuck around since that drama?) I mean, I still think the blog was too close to harassment and I don't like that it targeted non-syscourse-related positivity posts. And I don't like that it reblogged those posts just to say horrible things, thus promoting the hate they pretended to fight against in the tags. But I understand the impulse behind it.

There was a girl who had faith in people and made a blog with a big dream, who was convinced that anti-endos were just not educated and that with enough sources, enough evidence, she could change their minds. And the bits of that girl that believed those things have died bit by bit every day.

They've systematically killed all the parts of me that were stupid enough to believe in them.

So seeing the sysmeds get hurt... I'm satisfied. There have been small moment where I start to feel a shred of guilt, but then I remember every system I've seen bullied by them. The systems who have been sent into derealization spirals from fakeclaiming. The systems who have been constantly told to kill themselves for being different. And at this particular moment... I'm thinking of the corpse of my naive faith in anti-endos to be decent people. Because I do mourn for that part of me they killed. Even if its death was necessary to make me see things more clearly.

So this is my vengeance for it all.

Is it productive? Probably not.

Is finally giving anti-endos a real taste of their own medicine for once going to result in blowback because they can actually have a real reason to pretend to be the victims? Maybe.

But their harassment only seemed to be ramping up anyway even before this.

You can do with this what you want. If you don't think you can support me and want to unfollow, that's totally valid. Especially if you think following this blog might be unhealthy for you. I completely understand that and respect what you decide.

But I'm not going to lie and apologize for something that I truly don't regret.

I'm sorry that I worded my post, that was meant to hurt anti-endos by preying on their deepest fears and insecurities, in a way that accidentally triggered delusions. And that's it. That's the full extent of what I can honestly say I'm sorry for without lying to you.

If you do decide you can no longer support me and the person I've become, I sincerely wish you the best on your way. I appreciate all the support I've gotten from my followers over the years but I would never ask any of them to stand by anyone, including myself, if you thought they were bad for you or unsafe.

[witchlingcirce]

Yk as much as I find humour in the incest plot lines in the mortal instruments and enjoy and make the jokes. I honestly think the meaning is a little lost on people.

Preface: I AM NOT DEFENDING INCEST!!!! Incest is disgusting and gross and I do NOT support it, I just think Cassie added these for a reason.

The point of the two incest plot lines isn’t because of some weird fetish (btw Cassie writing fanfic between Ron and Ginny is a false rumour) it actually does serve a purpose in the story: and that’s to just show how sick and twisted Valentine is.

When Valentine reveals that Jace is Clary’s sister, he’s not just doing it for the shits and the giggles. It’s a specific manipulation tactic. It’s been a while since I’ve read City of Bones, but the idea behind it was just to put a wedge between the two. The purpose of this part in particular is to show Valentine's manipulation, he probably thought that if he said they were siblings then they would be likely to join him to protect each other (or at least Jace). It was also definitely to poke at Jace, whom he taught that emotions/love was a weakness. I understand why a lot of people don’t like this bit in the story since I don’t think it was handled particularly well (I think the meaning behind the reveal kind of gets lost with all the Clace bickering). Lol, however, I do think it gets better for the other plotline:

The Sebastian plotline is so misconstrued online it makes me want to die. When Clary shows people the visions of their loved ones, Sebastian sees Clary. Sebastian is taught growing up that any emotions are some kind of weakness. We even see that he naturally does not feel things. So when he sees Clary he thinks it’s romantic love and not sibling love. I feel like people saying things about this plotline completely misses the mark on it. It is incest but it is not reciprocated. Not only does Sebastian torture Clary’s loved ones but also kills them, he tried to rape her. Clary is the victim of abuse at Sebastian's hands. The point of this plot line is to emphasise Sebastian’s disconnect with his emotions, to emphasise how sick he is. If Izzy saw Alec when Clary showed the vision then Izzy would have known it was sibling love. Same with any of the blackthorns, or any other character with siblings.

Anyways, obviously the “your my sister” joke is really funny, I just think that sometimes people miss the point of these storyline’s (there obviously weird but after you read game of thrones you get it used to it I fear)

[i-love-your-mom-kys5snwj]

Helluva Boss Season 2: Apology Tour SPOILERS ⚠️❗

(TW!: OPINION AND BAD ENGLISH)

...

I'm so tired of that bird.

I can't stand his victimizing ass anymore, seriously.

"I don't look down on you, How many times do I?, When have I ever? 🥺🥺"

Bro you literally called him "tty bitty little imp's like you😇" LIKE BRO.?

"You speak just like that vile Striker friend of yours.The one who tried to kill me and you couldn't be bothered to come help me"

OMG, was it because Blitz was busy taking care of his daughter like a normal father would? 😱

Something that Stolas should also do with his daughter, instead of being in his "heartbreak story 🥺🥺🥺🥺"

I can't stand it anymore, I want that bird dead now 💀

Honestly, the episode should have focused more on Verosika than on Stolas (this series always let women belittled and without as much focus ☹️)

I liked Verosika in this episode, and her conversation with Blitz (should have lasted longer than the whole stupid conversation between Blitz and Stolas) And I'm glad to see her throwing a party for the people Blitz hurt, I think it's sweet (But I really feel that this will be her last appearance and we will have to wait a long time to see her again 💀)

I also think that the episode gave emotional development to Blitz and I think that's good 🧍

Now I'll throw shit at Vivzie

Literally first you say that Stolas and Blitz are equally to blame for their relationship, but the entire episode is making Stolas out to be someone who has done nothing wrong, and Blitz being a monster.

And the Blitz hate merch... How the hell do you want us to see that Stolas is also wrong if literally even in the merch they show us Blitz as a son of a bitch who deserves to die? 💀

(and I don't give a shit about that guy who kissed Stolas, I bet he'll just show up there and it won't be anything important)

And the Yuri, that was one of the good things about the episode 🦾

(I would talk more about how I hate Stolas more than usual but I'm tired and I'm sick so that will be for another time ☹️😷)

The good thing is that I won't have this series frustrating its fandom until October 🦾, although there are the promised shorts after this episode but as long as it's not from Stolas (or Stolitz) it's all good 👍

But I really want to see Octavia telling Stolas that he is shit, please 🙏

(nothing to do with Helluva Boss or the episode but If I dare maybe I will share my Vaggie theories/au's? 🦾😋)