#i know my limits lol. i know when something is just another path i didn't take and when something is just going to forever be a pipe dream

[protect-namine]

does the universe think its funny that I didn't get into materials engineering (my first degree choice) and ended up in cs. and now my little brother who is two years into his materials engineering degree says he's not happy there and wants to study cs instead

[chaotic-on-main]

So glad you reblogged this because I did not see your post about this event before. And I almost missed it! 😱 But now I'm here… hi, Sky! Congrats on your milestone, dear! ❤️

I would be interested in one matcha green tea ice cream with cookie crumbles on top. If it's okay, could it be something like Levi comforting the reader while they're anxious and stressed? Something with nice calming domestic vibes maybe?

Order up!! One matcha green tea with cookie crumbles for Rose!!

Sky's Summer Fall and 250 Follower Event!

☾ Pairing ➼ Levi Ackerman x cisfem!Reader

☾ Content/Warning ➼ modernAU, pregnancy, anxiety, established relationship, pregnancy reveal

☾ A/N ➼ hi rose!! again, sorry it's taken me so long to get to this. this wasn't the initial path i had planned, but i think it went better than expected!! also i know i said i wouldn't write a pregnant reader, but i was inspired and i love the idea of dadvi even though i don't see myself wanting kids. there's something to unexpectedly soft about dad levi, and i love to imagine it. i mean, he's already so dad coded considering how many kids he adopts lol. also for anyone seeing this, the rest of my requests are no longer summer themed LMAO. i'm gonna have to do something simple for my next event a;lsdkfjalj

☾ Word Count ➼ ~1.9k

The pattering of raindrops on window panes is a sound that brings comfort to you, doubly so during this time of year. Orange and red leaves lie dormant on the wet pavement only to be run over by various cars going home for the evening. With the end of the year holidays looming around the corner, excitement fills the air. But not for you. Instead, it's overwhelming anxiety, and the rain does not bring the comfort you seek.

You're so in your head that you don't hear the keys in the door and the light footsteps of your husband coming home from work. As you toss some chocolate chips into the red bowl full of light brown dough, your mind bounces from one thought to another. Some thoughts hurt worse than others and you find yourself almost choking up until you force yourself to think of something else.

Long, cold fingers wrap around your wrist as you go to pick up a silicone spatula, holding your arm up midair. You're so startled at the sudden touch that you drop it straight into the bowl – thank god it was mixed enough to not splatter. When your eyes snap to the source, the automatic relief that normally comes with seeing those beautiful gray eyes doesn't wash over you. You’ve underestimated the anxiety that courses through your veins like ice.

“What's wrong?” Your husband's low voice comes out careful.

“Oh, it’s nothing to worry about right now. Welcome home!” You force out, your lips pulling back on your teeth in a reassuring smile. Levi Ackerman has known you for far too long, and he wasn't stupid. His eyes scan the messy kitchen counters with furrowed brows.

“I count at least 4 mixing bowls, most half filled and only a few finished products. Either you've signed up for a bake sale, or something is wrong. You only get like this when something is bothering you.” Levi's eyes go back to yours.

“I- uh. It's nothing, really.” You check the clock on the stove and gasp. “I didn't realize the time, and I haven't even started on dinner yet. I'm so sorry.” You quickly push aside your mess to make room for some space.

“Go sit down.” Levi says as he puts his keys and phone in the little wicker basket that sits on the far end of the counter.

“No, it's okay! I can do this.” You don't even know what to make for dinner. You've been in a downward spiral all day and haven't thought that far ahead. The sound of glass bottles rattle as you open the fridge doors to peek at your options - only to find them extremely limited. You should have gone to the grocery store earlier today.

The fridge closes in front of you as Levi pushes his way in front of you. Suddenly his hands are cupping your face, thumbs stroking your cheeks in a way he knows is comforting to you. You just now notice his hair slicked back, stuck in place from the rain outside. Black eyebrows scrunch together in concern as he stares at you.

“Levi, I don't need help. I can do this myself.” You mutter.

“Go sit down.” He repeats, softer this time. You stare back, trying to find the energy to argue. But you have none, so you make your way over to the plush navy couch in the living room. In a means to help comfort you, you pull your knees to your chest and stare out the window. Night time has made its way home, the yellow streetlights hazily glowing through the cold rain. It takes everything within you to focus on what you see and hear, and not what races through your mind.

Either you dozed off or fell into a trance because before you know it, Levi comes over and taps your shoulder. You blink a few times as your eyes adjust to what he's holding out to you – a bowl and a glass of water.

“I bet you haven't hydrated once today, have you?” He raises a brow.

“I've been busy?” You give him a small smile, but take the glass anyway. He sets the bowl down in front of you on the coffee table. You didn't even need to see it to know what it was as the smell of it wafts from the kitchen to your nose. Spaghetti, and Levi's spaghetti at that. Well, technically Kuchel’s - Levi's mom – recipe. From the moment he had made it for you when you both first started dating, you knew this was the best recipe you have or will ever taste.

Not only was it delicious, though, it was comforting. It was home.

“Oh, Levi.” You sigh as you reach over to place your glass down so you can pick up the warm bowl in two hands. The smell of herbs and tomatoes dance in your nostrils as you breathe in deeply. You don't hesitate to poke your fork into the red pasta and slurp up the saucy noodles.

The sofa shifts as Levi sits next to you, leg crossed as he leans back with his own bowl in hand. He doesn't say anything as he digs in, eyes looking out to the darkened window. It stays silent save for the quiet smacking and the metal clinking on porcelain. For a while, you're distracted yet again as you fill your tummy but eventually your bowl is empty and the dread starts creeping back in.

“Did you want more or…?” Levi breaks you out of your thoughts and your eyes focus back to what you were looking at – the red-streaked bottom of the bowl.

“Oh, no I'm good. Thank you for making dinner. I'm sorry I couldn't have it done by the time you got home.” You smile softly at him as you hand him your bowl. His lips twitch as he regards you. He takes the bowl from you and you think he's about to get up but instead, he sets it on the coffee table and shifts so that he's facing you fully.

“There's nothing to apologize for, dummy. What's going on in that head of yours?” He reaches over and taps your forehead gently with a forefinger.

“I don't know if this is the right time.” You whisper, feeling tears prick at the corners of your eyes.

“I'm home for the night, we have plenty of time before bed.” His hand trails down your face and cups your jaw as he holds your gaze. “What's going on?”

Reaching up, you rest your hand over his and lean into his touch. Then with a shuddering breath, you gently pry his hand off and stand up. Without another word, you make your way to the master bathroom and retrieve what you're looking for. Before exiting, you bend over the sink to take a few deep breaths. You just need to rip this off like a bandaid, you keep repeating to yourself.

Making your way down the hallway back to the living room, your fingers shake. The room grows silent as you hold the little white stick up to eye level the moment you step in front of your extremely confused husband.

Levi has to squint to see the little pink plus sign. There's a range of emotions that flood his face past the initial shock. You know when the realization hits him because his wide eyes flit over to yours as he checks to see if you're kidding. You only nod your head back. There's a moment of excitement that lights up in his eyes before the same look of anxiety that no doubt mirrors your own stares back at you.

Your heart sinks to the pit of your stomach at that.

“I-" Levi chokes on his words.

“It's real.”

You hear Levi inhale loudly as he runs his fingers through his hair and step back as he processes. You’ve been with Levi for so long but even you didn't know how he would react. Children weren't off the table, but you both had agreed to start a family when the time was right. To you, this was the worst possible time with Levi starting a new job and your writing career finally taking off. His reaction is enough to confirm those thoughts. Or, at least that’s what you thought.

“I know this is awful timing. And I’m sure we're not ready. I'm so-" Your last words are cut short into a squeak as a pair of strong arms pull you into a warm chest, the sudden movement causing the pregnancy test to fall and bounce onto the rug. You can feel Levi's heart beating a mile a minute against your own.

“Don't apologize.”

“But you’re not excited.” You’ve started crying and you can feel your tears seeping into Levi's shirt. He pushes you away from him and holds you there. His dark eyes bounce between yours as he regards you.

“Who said I wasn't?"

“I- just your face-"

“I won't pretend to say I'm not nervous. You know, Kenny was the only father figure I had and he wasn't around, not when it mattered, at least. I'm scared, actually.” His eyebrows furrow to match the concern that laces his tone.

“Levi-"

“But this is exciting, and I'm thrilled. And we'll navigate through this like we always do. But, how do you feel about it?”

“Well, I guess I'm scared too. Anxious. Our jobs are just taking off, and while I'm excited for a family with you, I'm just not sure how to take this.” You pull a hand up to wipe away the salty tears that streams down your face.

“We have 9 months, give or take. That's plenty of time for us to figure things out. But is this what you want?” Levi let's go of your arms to cup your face again. That moment of hesitance that graced his features is no longer there, only replaced by love.

“Do you think we'll be ready by then?”

“Who knows. But we can try. We'll figure it out together.” Levi pulls you back in and holds you in his tight embrace. You bury your face in his shirt, once again letting it soak up any leftover tears.

“If it's any consolation, I think you'll be a great dad. I watch the way you interact with your little cousin during get-togethers.”

“Tch. If our child is anything like Mikasa, I'm sure we'll be fine. But if they're like her friend Eren, we're starting over.” You laugh at that and slap his chest playfully.

“Levi, you can't say shit like that.”

“I'm just kidding. Mostly. That Eren kid has something wrong with him, I swear.”

You hold on to him in silence for a bit, taking note of the slowing heart beat between the two of you as the news finally sinks in. You were going to be a mom. You were going to be a parent with Levi.

“Someone needs to eat this. This is way too much for just the two of us.” You hear Levi chuckle. You can't see it, but you know he's staring at the mess you've made all day. You'll be up until 3am making sure everything gets baked so it doesn't go to waste.

“Three of us.” You lean back to look at your husband, smiling at that comment.

“You're right, the three of us.” You feel as Levi gently rests the palm of his hand on your stomach and leans down to kiss you softly. Your anxiety still lingers, but now it's tinged with relief because no matter what life throws at you, Levi is here.

tagging: @humanitys-strongest-bamf @romantichomicide95 @youre-ackermine @roseofdarknessblog @missamity @levis-squishy-cheeks @icansmellsouls @dkbktk420 @elnyrae @secretmoneybearvoid @apolloshaiku @sujiroses @jadam724 @e-riellaaa @kamyru @highgoon69 @missyasma @kingkonoha @sckerman @notgoodforlife @nube55 @svftackerman @velouria17 @melodyuzumaki

if you're not a part of my taglist but would like to be (or take off lol), please fill out the taglist on my pinned post!

[chaisshitposts]

Hey, 🦁🐻🦒 anon here

🌱 🌲 🌳 🧱 🌱 🌳 🍃 🌲 . . 🌲 🍃 Oh my God! What a mess this place is! 🌳 . I think I'm going need fix this before call this place as zoo! 🌲 . 🧱 🌳 🌲 🗑️ 🍃 . 🟫 🛑 . 🍃 🚧 🚧 🚧 🚧🟫 🟫🚧 || 🚧 🚧 🌱

Hi Chai and blog guys! How are you? I'm very flattered by the good response since my last (and first lol) appearance, and I come here to try to talk and relax a little ;) I think a good topic to be discussed today is persistence, but for some here in the loass community, it seems more like 𝗽𝗲𝗻𝗮𝗻𝗰𝗲. After all, what is persistence? The dictionary says one thing, just as some coach will say another, your mother another, and some Tumblr blogger another. In general, persisting means insisting, being stubborn about something, not accepting any other answer than that. This is very important when it comes to manifestation. One of my mentors says that "For those who don't know where to go, any path will do", so it is very important that you know where you are going and don't accept any other alternative. This is exactly what empty bloggers mean by persisting. Do not affirm until exhaustion, but rather, keep fixed the assumption that keeps alive the flame of your being. What's the point of loving your dear burning candle and then drowning it? But I know it's difficult to drink soda in an environment where everyone drinks water. I know what your doubts, your paradigms are like. "But am I doing it right?" "Wouldn't the ideal be to do what everyone else does?" "How will I like soda if everything that exists tells me that water is better?" It's difficult to swim in the current, isn't it? The answer is a beautiful 𝗻𝗼! Always remember one thing: EVERYTHING is easy, that's humans who make things complicated. What do I mean by this? I want to say that believing in something really crazy is not difficult at all, you are the ones worrying too much. Keep calm! Worry about what's important to you! The rest will fall into place! See: when I was about to graduate from elementary school, I had to change schools (in addition to the fact that I no longer had to study in a private school, to ease the household bills, I also really needed to change schools, fact). See, in my city, at least, your options were practically limited to two: a state school and a federal school, both only for high school. Yes, there were other municipal public schools and private schools, but it is practically a consensus among young people here that these are the only options, and the others are plan B. I simply never considered the possibility of going to the federal one, as I never really liked it. And I heard some rumors involving aliens and students going in there and not returning the same (of course they were jokes, but I still used them to justify my decision), so, soon, I chose the state school (and also because one of my dear teachers who teaches there too, that she practically enticed us to join the school, she's really sweet). But the big question was this: if I didn't pass the entrance exam, I would have to go to another school, because I couldn't afford a private school and I hadn't even registered at the federal one, so I would probably go to a horrible municipal one, but the key point was that: I had only signed up for the one I wanted, because I had already chosen the path that suited me. I'm not going to lie, my family didn't help much in terms of encouragement and motivation, and there were moments of doubt and fear in my mind, but what could I do? It was already done! Whatever had to be, would be. I left today's worry for tomorrow, and the next day too, and so on. And I entered that school, placing 11th in the assessment. And it was the best time of my life (second only to now, which is always the happiest moment of my life).

ᴛʜᴇ ᴘᴏɪɴᴛ ɪs ᴛʜᴀᴛ ɪ ᴛʜɪɴᴋ ʏᴏᴜ ᴀʀᴇ ɴᴏᴛ ʟᴀᴄᴋɪɴɢ ғᴀɪᴛʜ, ʙᴜᴛ ʀᴀᴛʜᴇʀ ᴄᴏɴғɪᴅᴇɴᴄᴇ. ʏᴏᴜ ᴅᴏɴ'ᴛ ғᴇᴇʟ sᴀғᴇ ᴛᴏ ᴊᴜᴍᴘ ɪɴ ᴀɴᴅ ᴛʀᴜsᴛ ʏᴏᴜʀsᴇʟғ ᴀɴᴅ ᴛʜᴇ ᴘʀᴏᴄᴇss ʏᴏᴜ ᴀʀᴇ ᴄʀᴇᴀᴛɪɴɢ. ʟᴏᴏᴋ ᴀᴛ sᴏᴍᴇᴛʜɪɴɢ ᴛʜᴀᴛ ʜᴀᴘᴘᴇɴᴇᴅ ᴛᴏ ᴍᴇ ᴛʜᴇ ᴏᴛʜᴇʀ ᴅᴀʏ: ɪ ᴡᴀs ᴅᴏɪɴɢ ᴍʏ ᴘsʏᴄʜ-ᴋ ʀᴏᴜᴛɪɴᴇ, ᴡʜᴇɴ, ᴀғᴛᴇʀ sᴛᴀʀᴛɪɴɢ ᴛʜᴇ 20-ᴍɪɴᴜᴛᴇ sᴜʙ ᴛᴏ ʟɪᴍɪᴛ ᴛʜᴇ ᴘʀᴀᴄᴛɪᴄᴇ ᴛɪᴍᴇ, ɪ ғᴇʟᴛ ᴀ ᴠᴇʀʏ sᴛʀᴏɴɢ ɪᴛᴄʜ ɪɴ ᴍʏ, ʏᴏᴜ ᴋɴᴏᴡ, ʟᴏᴡᴇʀ ᴘᴀʀᴛs. ɪ ʜᴀᴅ ᴊᴜsᴛ ᴍᴀᴅᴇ ᴍʏsᴇʟғ ᴄᴏᴍғᴏʀᴛᴀʙʟᴇ ɪɴ ʙᴇᴅ ᴀɴᴅ ʜᴀᴅ ᴍʏ ʜᴇᴀᴅᴘʜᴏɴᴇs ᴏɴ, ᴀɴᴅ ᴛʜᴇ ᴠɪᴅᴇᴏ ᴡᴀs ᴀʟʀᴇᴀᴅʏ ʀᴜɴɴɪɴɢ. ɪ ᴄᴏᴜʟᴅ ʜᴀᴠᴇ sᴛᴏᴘᴘᴇᴅ ᴇᴠᴇʀʏᴛʜɪɴɢ, ʀᴇʟɪᴇᴠᴇᴅ ᴍʏsᴇʟғ, ᴀɴᴅ ᴅᴏɴᴇ ɪᴛ ᴀʟʟ ᴏᴠᴇʀ ᴀɢᴀɪɴ, ʙᴜᴛ ɪ sᴀɪᴅ ᴛᴏ ᴍʏsᴇʟғ "ʏᴏᴜ ᴀʀᴇ ɢᴏᴅ! ʏᴏᴜ ᴄᴀɴ ʀᴇsɪsᴛ ᴀ sɪᴍᴘʟᴇ ɪᴛᴄʜ ғᴏʀ 20-ᴏᴅᴅ ᴍɪɴᴜᴛᴇs!" ᴀɴᴅ ɪ ᴅɪᴅ. ɴᴏᴛ ᴛᴏ ᴘᴜɴɪsʜ ᴍʏsᴇʟғ ᴏʀ sᴜғғᴇʀ ʙᴇᴄᴀᴜsᴇ ɪ ᴛʜɪɴᴋ ɪ ᴅᴇsᴇʀᴠᴇ ɪᴛ, ʙᴜᴛ ᴛᴏ ᴘʀᴏᴠᴇ ᴛᴏ ᴍʏsᴇʟғ ʜᴏᴡ ɪ ᴀᴍ ᴄᴀᴘᴀʙʟᴇ ᴏғ ᴀɴʏᴛʜɪɴɢ. ᴛᴏ ғᴇᴇʟ ᴄᴏɴғɪᴅᴇɴᴛ. ɪ ᴘʀᴏᴘᴏsᴇ ᴀ ᴄʜᴀʟʟᴇɴɢᴇ ᴛᴏ ʏᴏᴜ: ᴜɴᴛɪʟ ᴍʏ ɴᴇxᴛ ᴘᴏsᴛ (ᴘʀᴏʙᴀʙʟʏ ᴛᴏᴍᴏʀʀᴏᴡ, ʙᴜᴛ ᴅᴏɴ'ᴛ ᴛᴀᴋᴇ ɪᴛ ᴛᴏᴏ sᴇʀɪᴏᴜsʟʏ, sᴇᴛ ʏᴏᴜʀ ᴏᴡɴ ᴅᴇᴀᴅʟɪɴᴇ), ᴛʀʏ ᴛᴏ ᴅᴏ ᴛʜᴇ sᴀᴍᴇ ᴀs ᴍᴇ: ᴅᴏ sᴏᴍᴇᴛʜɪɴɢ ᴛʜᴀᴛ ᴡᴏᴜʟᴅ ɴᴏʀᴍᴀʟʟʏ ʙᴇ ᴜɴᴄᴏᴍғᴏʀᴛᴀʙʟᴇ, ʙᴏʀɪɴɢ, ʙᴜᴛ ᴛᴏᴛᴀʟʟʏ ᴘᴏssɪʙʟᴇ ᴀɴᴅ ᴛʜᴀᴛ ʏᴏᴜ ᴋɴᴏᴡ ᴛʜᴀᴛ ᴡɪᴛʜ ғᴏᴄᴜs ᴀɴᴅ ᴅᴇᴛᴇʀᴍɪɴᴀᴛɪᴏɴ ʏᴏᴜ ᴡɪʟʟ ᴀᴄʜɪᴇᴠᴇ ɪᴛ, ᴊᴜsᴛ ᴛᴏ ʀᴇᴍɪɴᴅ ʏᴏᴜʀsᴇʟғ ʜᴏᴡ ᴄᴀᴘᴀʙʟᴇ ʏᴏᴜ ᴀʀᴇ ᴀɴᴅ ᴍᴀᴋᴇ ʏᴏᴜ ᴍᴏʀᴇ ᴄᴏɴғɪᴅᴇɴᴛ <3 ʙʏᴇ ᴄʜᴀɪ ᴀɴᴅ ᴅᴇᴀʀs, sᴇᴇ ʏᴏᴜ ɴᴇxᴛ ᴛɪᴍᴇ s? :3

I don't even have anything to add to this so I won't even try, this was written pretty well 🦁🐻🦒 anon, you've left me speechless yet again, and that is no easy feat. good on you my dude, good luck to ya.

[kimdokja-real]

you have probably talked about this before considering your blog name and everything but since I'm reading orv I found it so funny and kinda on theme that it seems like Uriel agrees that KDJ tops.

like in chapter 149 episode 29 constellation banquet when talking about how him being a eunuch would be a problem unless "perhaps his position changes". implying yknow.

anyways yeah this is kinda random but in story Top!KDJ

Yeah I talked about it before and Uriel definitely agrees Kim Dokja Tops! I made a whole list of why Yoo Joonghyuk being Bottom is canon according to the novel. It was my first post. Okay but you know what's funnier? Look at this.

[There is a place you have to go.] '…Where?' [Ah, I will help you get there. I'll prepare it right away!] I had a rough idea of where I was going. Based on how nervous Youngki was, the pressure from the constellations must be considerable. Eh? It felt like my body was collapsing and being reborn. It wasn't resurrection. It was closer to the soul forming a body. It was a state like a floating ghost but it was temporary. [Umm. This is an important meeting…] A shirt and suit covered the soul body that didn't have any genitalia.

The texture of the cloth felt like it had been created for me. [Stories are shining in the distant night sky.] [The constellation banquet is currently being held.] [The constellation 'Queen of the Darkest Spring' has invited you to the constellation banquet.] The constellation banquet.

I read the latest manhwa chapter and saw Kim Dokja looking cool and masculine in a suit and blazer, so i went to read the novel to see which part it was, and I really didn't expect to see something like this.

Okay look at this again!

A shirt and suit covered the soul body that didn't have any genitalia. Kim Dokja, 147: Ep. 29 - Constellation Banquet, II

??? At first I was like ??? Kim Dokja why did you even have to mention that? So strange.

Then I realized what that meant. That meant Kim Dokja was already an eunuch, LOL.

So when he jumped up on the stage and held Yoo Joonghyuk's hand high in the air, our beloved top didn't have his cock.

When Kim Dokja was on stage and held Yoo Joonghyuk's hand high in the air, Kim Dokja didn't have his cock.

This ruined it for me at first! Like it's a bit strange to imagine Kim Dokja without any genitalia Kim Dokja without his cock standing with Yoo Joonghyuk on the stage and holding his hand because that's really the DokHyuk/DokJoong moment, damn it! And some people said it was like a gay coming out moment. (But Kim Dokja literally doesn't have his male body part his cock???)

I was like a bit disappointed and why did the author include that lol but then I realized, it means Kim Dokja is so dominant and such a Top that he's able to jump up on stage and hold Yoo Joonghyuk's hand high in the air dominantly literally without his cock.

okay on another added more general note, about Kim Dokja's character, Kim Dokja is so confident that he's able to declare a nebula with Yoo Joonghyuk and face the protagonist of Ways of Survival and all the constellations without his cock, his male part. Kim Dokja is just acting confidently as always without his male part! I just found that, so...Kim Dokja.

Of course no one including Yoo Joonghyuk knows except Kim Dokja, but Kim Dokja doesn't give a shit.

Like this man's masculinity and confidence isn't even limited to his genitals, what a fucking man Kim Dokja is.

Ok about Uriel

"You are here to offer me the Messiah's Path?" […Ah, right! I came because of it!] Uriel raised her head with surprise. It was an expression that showed she didn't remember why she came here. It seemed she was quite pleased to meet me. [It must be because you are too handsome.] "Your words are convincing." Uriel smiled and said. [Kim Dokja, will you accept Eden's story?] "That… I need to think a bit." [Why? Our story is the best! It isn't comparable to other places!] This was certainly true. The Messiah's Path was the best story in the resurrection system. There was one problem. "I will lose something precious if I accept that story." [Eh? Ah. T-That's right. If you choose our story, you'll become an eunuch…That can't be.] I expected to be persuaded but unexpectedly, Uriel shook with agitation. Was it such a big deal for Uriel that I would become an eunuch? Why? [W-What to do? If I don't bring Kim Dokja to Metatron, he won't let me use the Internet for a month… but if he accepts, Kim Dokja will become an eunuch… when that happens… oh, wait a minute. Perhaps if his position changes…?] …What position? [O-Okay! Kim Dokja! Don't worry too much about this problem. One way or another…!] Uriel seemed to be filled with great determination on her own. I firmly shook my head. "I don't want it." [Yes! It is okay if you are an eunuch…!] "Next."

Alright first, yes Kim Dokja is handsome! Everyone calling him pretty with a slim waist, good thing he's gonna enhance his body in the future. I know he's pretty too like in the manhwa, but Yoo Joonghyuk isn't the only handsome one, Kim Dokja is handsome too. Kim Dokja can be both pretty and handsome.

So Uriel who thought Kim Dokja was Top thought his position needed to change, that Kim Dokja needed to be bottom if he became an eunuch and lost his cock, but I just laugh cause that already happened for some reason temporary of course and Kim Dokja still jumped up on the stage and dominantly held Yoo Joonghyuk's hand up high in the air like a perfect Top!

I jumped up towards the stage. I grabbed the confused Yoo Joonghyuk's hand and raised it high into the sky. "I have something to say to you." I said while looking at the audience. The constellations looked astonished. I was able to see Uriel's expression, who seemed on the verge of fainting.

And yeah it was so dominant and Top behavior Uriel who knows Kim Dokja Tops was on the verge of fainting lol

Kim Dokja still acted like a dominant Top when he was an eunuch without his cock.

So maybe Kim Dokja is such a dominant Top even him becoming an eunuch and losing his cock wouldn't make him bottom, he'd just use a toy to penetrate Yoo Joonghyuk instead.

But of course Kim Dokja rejected it because he doesn't want to lose his cock lol.

I don't know, Kim Dokja is just such a man.

[moni-harmonia]

Kaeya's Hangout - Other routes

For the Winery Routes click here

So, let's talk about the rest of the Hangout and some final thoughts!

First I did the Liyue route. This one is probably my least favorite, but it was fun nonetheless, just a bit long.

I liked Kaeya's story with Captain Wu. I mean, that part when he explained that Diluc almost killed him because he thought he was a pervert was so good lol

And then we got to see some of Kaeya's trickery. I love how he dislikes so much that people notice he wants to help, that he says we're the ones who want to help the guy lol

Also I loved how Kaeya's fake name was Albert Rich. Very sneaky 😂

Overall it was a fun excursion, and we got to see some of Kaeya's influence outside of Mond.

Next, I did the other one in Mond where we help Sister Grace. I love when we can see Kaeya and Venti talking to each other. It's so fun because it's so obvious that Kaeya knows he's Barbatos, like, he's basically saying it indirectly all the time lol

Also I liked the small reference to the first Windblume event. I loved the romantic poem plot that we got, it was so fun. I like when they make those references.

And I loved the part at the end where Kaeya's trying to come up with a very long excuse just because he doesn't want to sing 😂

Oh, how I feel that... I love singing but I'm embarrassed to do it in front of other people.

This one was also just a fun excursion, not much to talk about. Just another time where Kaeya says he's going to relax but ends up helping people, that's just how he is.

The picture is very cute though 🥰

Then we have the final one in Sumeru. This one was also a bit short but it had a very interesting moment.

Kaeya finds an excuse to put his new skin on, and I love that it was made to be a bandit, but it passes as a prince too. Even a lady there was like "Oh my god, is he a true prince??!". Yeah very smart of you Hoyo, I see what you did there!

Before this, Kaeya was pondering on the story of the play. He questions the importance of one's origin. He says that one cannot choose their origins, but their origins will limit their life decisions.

Of course, this is about his own life. His origins as a Khaenri'ahn, and how that's going to be always present in his life.

And then during the play, Kaeya, playing as a prince who has been living outside their homeland, and whose father wants to conquer other lands, decides to improvise.

He wants to challenge his fate. He doesn't want to follow his father. He wants to stay far from home. The play talks about how the prince stayed far from home as if it was a tragedy, but Kaeya phrased it as not being a tragedy, but as something that the prince chooses himself because that's how he wants to act, and that he's at peace with his decision.

It's very obvious how Kaeya was relating this tale to his own. He doesn't want conflict, he wants to live in peace.

Of course, we still don't have enough context of his Clan, what his father wanted and what will happen in the future. But this made us have a perspective on how Kaeya feels. He wants to choose his own destiny.

A brief but interesting path this was.

Overall, this hangout was fantastic. I think it could have been better. I wish there had been a story in Angel's Share because that's another important place in Kaeya's life. I wanted to see Rosaria too, and I wish the Knights had appeared a bit more.

But I was very satisfied with the content we got in the Winery, and the other paths had their own interesting and fun moments as well.

I'm very biased of course, but this was my favorite hangout. I liked Kaveh's too but there were some paths there that I didn't enjoy, here I enjoyed almost everything.

It was worth the wait, and I'm happy that our boy has gotten so much this update. He deserves the world and I can't wait to see him again.

I hope we get some Diluc love soon as well since he has been very absent lately and he didn't have a lot of content here. I wish we could have gotten a pic with the bros 😔 Some day...

[harmonyckrs]

DAY 7 in Twisted Strangetown: Investigating the Beakers

THE PREVIOUS DAY

Now that Vidcund is safe and Aktu is in Ajay's possession, Chloe and I figured it would be a good idea to move out and observe the Beakers. We told Pascal that we were doing a secret investigation to locate Bella Goth, which he seemed to take rather well.

He offered to escort us to the Beakers, which I initially assumed was out of kindness. It turned out there was another reason why he asked, though - that weird guy that Boss insisted we protect.

I'm not really into sex or romance, but I'm glad there's at least something going well for him after everything that happened.

Pascal also claimed that he got some valuable information to share to help us with our investigation in regards to "Bella Goth," but it turns out he just wanted to talk shit about Loki and make false claims about him being responsible for every bad thing that's ever happened in Strangetown. He and Chloe spent some time talking trash about him, even though our interactions with Loki are still incredibly limited and we have yet to figure out who he is a person.

Pascal tried to do the same for me, but unlike her, I take my job seriously (okay wow. I'm sorry for trying to enjoy myself and actually interact with other people for non-work related reasons? You gotta learn how to blend in man). I refuse to involve myself in petty drama, especially after what happened with Erin and Kristen.

Needless to say, Pascal did not appear happy about that. I expected better from him, considering his reputation as the most reasonable person in Strangetown. The competition doesn't really appear to be very strong considering the eccentric nature of everyone else, but I hope you can understand my point.

Mr. Beaker was out harassing the other two brothers while Mrs. Beaker was at work, which left only Mr. Subject inside of the house. I watched him try to cook hotdogs, but he ended up setting the grill on fire that nearly killed all three of us (and you didn't do shit when it came to putting it out lol). It's a miracle we were able to live (the miracle is called ME bitch. Give me some damn credit). Either way, I hope the Beakers are better at cooking than he is.

The General told me fascinating information about the Beakers, such as the rumors of Mr. Subject being their living test subject that they perform harmful and illegal experiments on. Erin also told me about her parents being well-loved scientists and not approving of her becoming an oracle, so I suppose Mr. Beaker may be the same way considering he follows the path of his parents.

On an unrelated note, a lot of people tend to think I was the golden child among Chloe and I as some kind of justification for why Chloe is the way she is. The truth is, that was neither of us. Aunt Glabe raised us the best she could, what with our father abandoning us for his new family. We don't know much about them at all since he never visited or wrote us letters, but Aunt Glabe mentioned that he had four kids.

FOUR FUCKING KIDS.

I'd understand abandonment if he wanted to live the childless life, but this is just irrefutable proof that we were unwanted! And the worst part? I don't even know where that man's grave is. Even if I wanted to yell at him and crush his tombstone the way he crushed my aunt's well-being, I can't.

On the bright side, the odds of me ever encountering any of those four kids is pretty low. I imagine they're probably all scattered around the world, living their best life with help from our father. I'm not even sure what they look like. For all I know, I could've encountered one or two of them already. The odds of me somehow meeting all four is really low.

THE NEXT DAY

[dany36]

now that i've S-ranked every stage in the DLC and also completed the map, just have some final junk thoughts from the sonic frontiers dlc (plus me raving some more about the music) before i move on to another game :)

i know i mentioned that playing as amy is the best out of the new playable characters, and i still stand by that opinion, but MAN is tails' MAX rings cyclone flying ability fun as FUCK. like, i kind of have a hate-love relationship with it. on one hand, who the hell doesn't like flying around the island at max speed? like, oh, there's something all the way over there, let me just ZOOM right over in a few seconds!! AND the fact that you can control its height unlike knuckles' flying is just insanely cool. on the OTHER hand though, yes it cheapens tails' flying ability because honestly once you get the cyclone ability, you don't even have to do any of the set-paths that the game wants you to follow to get to the map kocos or skill kocos. you can just fly up to them and boom, didn't have to do the set path. which is kind of sad because those can be really fun and satisfying to complete, so what i'd end up doing was get to the area where the map koco would be, and instead of just flying up to it, try to follow the path and get the map that way to not just suck the fun out of the entire thing

but also, that one M-puzzle where it lit up 3 or 4 red beams of light all across the island and you had to reach all of them under a time limit??? MAN i think that was my favorite puzzle of all!!! i first bumped into that one when i was playing with amy, and at first i thought i was gonna have to come back to it with sonic since i didn't think i'd get another character that would be as fast as him (also didn't have the spin dash ability yet since this was early in the game). but holy shit once i unlocked that ability and saw just how fucking fast you could fly around the island (skells from xenoblade x my beloved), i immediately went back to that puzzle and just completed it as tails. just so damn awesome!!

and SPEAKING OF the spin dash....wow. amy, knuckles, and tails may not be as fast as sonic, but they become just as fast as him with this skill. and i can't believe i went through the entire main game without using the spin dash more often. spin dashing around the island and abusing the hell of its physics was just something that never got old, even in the sonic stages. i don't think i ever used the fast travel with the portals since i mean....spin dashing everywhere the island is just like a damn dream come true: it's always something i'd do in sonic adventures' mystic ruins but at a smaller scale, but this time? the ouranos island is fucking huge and gorgeous and then with that beautiful music playing in the background and just rolling around everywhere at high speeds AAAAAAAAAA this game is honestly just the perfect sonic game!!!!!

i think i already talked about this earlier but the new stages were super fun and actually challenging to S rank, unlike the main game. there were some i wasn't too fond of (like that one where sonic's speed as "gears"?? what was that lol) but overall they were a joy to replay over and over and try to bring my time down. i think my favorites were definitely 4-A (with the rocket boosters and beehive-looking things) and 4-B (the one with the hologram tails and the falling platforms).

the music. GOD how does sega keep doing this!!! every single new character theme is just so on fucking point, but i gotta say amy wins this one as well: there's something just so hauntingly beautiful about her theme that just honestly fits the overall mood of the game. but honestly, all just so good. i neeeeed to get my hands on the ost, especially since i'm late to the party and realized that now they have a GORGEOUS BEAUTIFUL AMAZING remixed version of the windy and ripply (emerald coast 2) song AKA a song so dear and beloved and nostalgic to my heart that just thinking about it makes me want to cry tears of joy. like, running around the islands with that music playing in the background is just so freeing and beautiful and exciting that just makes you feel glad that you get to experience a sonic game like this.

oh shit got sidetracked talking about this game's overall out-of-this-world soundtrack again um um um what else. i mean, i really don't know what else to say except frontiers just knocked it out of the park and surpassed my expectations in every single way possible. as i was playing the game and would just be exploring the island and completing puzzles/paths, i'd just keep saying to myself "this game is fucking amazing" every once in a while. sega just fucking nailed the 3d sonic formula and any doubt i had about an open-world sonic game was just thrown out the window: i couldn't stop thinking about this being a MUCH larger, more fun, and more gorgeous version of running around mystic ruins than i could have ever imagined, and it's exactly the type of exploration freedom that i had been itching for in a sonic game.

and it goes without saying that sega bringing back amy, tails, and knuckles as playable characters was just soooo fucking good and refreshing to see, and my god did they do them justice. last time they were all playable was, what...sonic adventure?? really?? like, holy crap. sonic frontiers really was a love letter to 3d sonic games and ughhhh i just can't stop saying good things about it. EVERYONE NEEDS TO PLAY THIS GAME!!!

anyway!!! can't wait to see where the sonic 3d series is headed after this, but for now, time to wait for sonic superstars (holy shit that's soon!!!) since that looks fun as hell too, and that's me saying it as someone who prefers 3d sonic vs 2d sonic!

[rev3rb]

Hi, it’s me again. Now we’re really getting somewhere!!! New info about the progenitors’ origins, about angels on other planets, and about their purpose overall. Plus them obviously pointing at the parallels between the plagues & punishments The First and Guren both dealt with. History is obviously repeating itself which makes me really curious about their God’s motives. Particularly bc they haven’t done anything about the plague that’s so lethal to all their subjects. Bc seriously, HALF of them are gonna die?!?! And this has always been a problem left unaddressed 🤨 Perhaps the chp title is a clue. Ik Yuu wondered if they were in Hell, but to me it matches better with the idea of Purgatory.

There was a lot of good stuff, I think one of my favorite aspects was seeing more of Urd and Saito together. Them being paralleled with Yuu and Mika was great. I also enjoyed how trippy it was to see all the angels act so adoring towards The First. Truly, my only complaint is that it’s gonna be a bit difficult if we need to remember all the different names for the angels/progenitors lol

Hello Anon!

Yes! After all this waiting we're finally getting somewhere significant! I'm just hoping that it keeps up and we don't take another multipage "Yu needs to eat to replenish his energy" break soon. It can be nice to be "realistic" like that, but it'd just be an annoying detour if it happens.

Oh, I really adore how history is repeating itself because that sort of thing has been present throughout the series, just less obviously. Everyone has been constantly making the same mistakes, and I've always felt like OnS's story has been about breaking that cycle of similar mistakes. I believe I've talked about it before but Yu and Guren are very obviously meant to parallel each other, and Yu is (most likely) supposed to succeed where Guren failed. The fact that Guren is now being compared to The First is wild. Never thought that would be the case. It's actually really interesting.

The plague. See, I'm wondering if The First didn't somehow do something about it. After all, while most of them are demons, it's worth pointing that that everyone shown is still alive today. Maybe turning them into vampires/demons was how he saved them. I kind of doubt it and think it's part of a step in The First's plan instead, but who knows? This does make me wonder though, nothing the characters we saw in the flashback have ever made any indication that they remember stuff this far back. It makes me wonder if they just don't remember, either as a result of being turned into vampires or bc The First didn't let them remember.

While I do agree with you in the whole "this seems more like Purgatory than Hell", it is worth mentioning that, as far as I remember (my knowledge is admittedly limited), Purgatory is meant to be something you can eventually leave once your sins are atoned for. I don't really think there's any atoning going on here. The First is committing a "sin" and is willing to be punished eternally for that. But yes, I think the idea is supposed to be Purgatory since the chapter title is that.

So happy we got to see more of Urd and Saito together! Their dynamic ended up being really interesting, and it was nice to see that, at least before Saito left Urd, it hadn't really changed all that much between what we saw here and when they were both vampires. As for the name thing, I don't think we'll really have to worry about it since Mika and Yu don't seem to know those angel names. If anything it'll likely just be used in passing since really, we're taking Mika and Yu's perspective on things for the most part, so what they call characters will be more at the forefront.

Thank you yet again for your ask! Things are picking up and I hope we continue on this path! It seems like we're getting closer to figuring out what Yu really is and what's going on.

[queerlixist]

SO, rock-star came out...

I still have to decide my final tier list tho, the album is so good as a whole piece!!!

when I gave it the first listen it was 2 a.m. btw. words cannot describe how much I tried not to scream from excitement when I first listened to megaverse. I feel like it's one of those songs that give so much stray kids vibes. I'm still obsessed over felix counting in french - since I'm an old stay and I've been since clé 1 miroh, I can't help but always wait for that good as hell intro for every album they make. megaverse makes one of the best intros yet, cuz it in globes in such a good way the rest of the album. regarding the melody, I really like how they've embraced the noise as part of the structure of the music they make. this structure appears in most of the songs except for "leave" ofc.

now about the title track (and the rock version). I've told this to a friend and I still believe that if it were for the kids they would have introduced the rock version as the title track per se, but the the kpop industry isn't ready for that yet - they can make all the noise music you want but there are still some limitations. both versions really convey the lyrics of the song and the energy is very powerful, which is something you'd rather expect from the kids. even when the melody is so loud like the Rock version, the harmony within the song is still very present! also the video is astonishing, but that's for another whole post lmao.a

next song! blind spot is... a very special song LOL. the contrast between the lyrics and the melody is very present and that makes up for a very good song, cuz it's not as angsty as cover me. the whole song gives more of a hopeful vibe, still maintaining the profile of pop rock. this one is for the nightcore fans btw, iykyk. the lyrics are very personal too and they're still so relatable - that's one of the powers stray kids have.

about comflex - every time I listen to it I feel like the most powerful person on Earth. it's really encouraging and I feel like many queer (and non queer) people feel like that too every time they listen to it. personally as a queer person it makes me feel like I can wreck every stereotype and role out there. so needless to say, I'm claiming it for the queers :) I'm obsessed with the vocal performance of chan, lee know and seungmin - Felix also really knows how to accentuate the feeling of songs that make you feel powerful (even sexy, like charmer).

NEXT! cover me... when I tell you I entered in a state of Nirvana when this song came next in queue... with this song I kind of started realizing how much English they've been including in the songs lately. when Chris sings in English he has such a different approach and you can feel it right inside ur chest - it really shattered my heart into pieces.

speaking of angsty songs, leave. when I gave a first listen to the album I didn't really like this song. my first thought even when the unveil came out was "oh, this song doesn't belong in this album". but talking to a friend about it he made me realize it's kind of necessary to have a breath of fresh air among all the rough songs that rock-star has (cover me included). I still feel like the melody doesn't do much justice to the lyrics (it's a bit too cheesy for my like), and since I'm not that into this kind of pop I know this song just isn't for me. and that's okay sometimes. cuz many fans are way more into this vibe and most definitely love this song even over cover me.

last song - the korean version of social path. this will be kind of controversial to say but since the song has so many lyrics in English more than Korean (or Japanese in the original version), I still haven't decided which version sounds better. apart from that, I feel like the Korean version sounds way better in masterization - I'm not sure why though.

so that's it! remember to keep streaming the album in all the digital platforms you can, and since we are wrapping up another year things can get a bit stressful - it's okay if you can't dedicate it as much time as you'd like to. also remember to vote for skz in MAMA!!!!!

[chellishere]

Character Modeling...p1

I started working on my characters for my short film for school (technically starting early-- maybe a good thing, maybe not...)

Luckily I get free/cheap licenses for these expensive programs that are required to even function as a 3D artist with my tuition (which is way more expensive than those licenses ever would have been...)

Anyway-- to start, I modeled a character in zbrush. I save a lot of backups, so I can go back and see most of the steps of my process (pics below)

Then I brought the highres mesh into maya, did a little retop fun where I zoned out for like 3-5 hours as I made my cute little loops and such:

Then the whole operation was brought back to zbrush for that sweet sweet projection action to then bake maps in substance...(lowres(subdivided a ton but pre-projection) vs highres mesh below)

So I imported the maya retopologized file into substance, baked my mesh, and got to work painting by hand <3 (base color display on left, material display on right)

She's beautiful! For my first real attempt at painting textures, I think it looks pretty good, if a bit scary without... hair and eyes and such.

And I'm realizing the retop job I did might not have enough topology, especially since I'm planning on using her for a short film, so I didn't really need to worry about having too many verts or anything, especially since she has soo few that I can see issues around the edges of the geometry where (I'm assuming) the normal maps are adding shadows to where the geometry oversteps the map, for example this black line on her arm:

But I'm not even sure if I'm going to use the normal maps anyway because I want to experiment with trying to make the renders look painted/flat (rip to all that sculpting work... at least it helped me figure out how to paint details in substance even if I don't end up using the map)

...

So onto hair! I wanted dynamic hair so her gorgeous locks could blow in the simulated wind, and I wanted her to have curly hair. When I looked up how to use nHair in maya, I saw people recommend xgen. I have some limited experience in xgen thanks to one class of one course I took last semester, but really I had to relearn it through a YouTube video (thank you J Hill on Youtube! linked at end of post). It seems like I might've gotten rid of the file that had my xgen attempt so I don't have a picture to show, but... my girl was balding, and xgen wasn't letting me create maps because of issues with the file paths that I coudn't resolve despite going through the path and not finding any issues?? so I gave up. I tried to mess around with it for a bit, but really xgen wouldn't have fit the style I was going for anyway. I wanted chunky hair that I could paint textures for. To fix the mess I made, I would've needed time, and though it would've been good practice and a learning experience, I really wanted to focus on finishing my project following the intended aesthetic than branching out and forgetting about my original goal. So, raincheck xgen. We'll meet again on another day. To make up for no xgen pics, heres a screenie from the file I do have where I tried paint effects on my hair curves:

lol.

I wanted the hair curly anyway, and I didn't really want to use paint effect hair so... onwards:

Then I saw a video on using curve warp deformers for hair (GGP_Animation on Youtube) which was a cool introduction to something in maya I didn't even know existed (plugin wasn't even loaded on my machine) but I realized that if I had the curves and wanted curly hair, I could just make a sweep mesh that followed the curves! So I did, and then followed ANOTHER tutorial (CG MAGUS on Youtube) on how to make dynamic hair to figure out which option in the nHair menu I should choose ^.^ and finally! the curves were moving! --But the sweeps weren't... So I saved the preset I had made for them and applied it to the NEW hair system curves-- and finally, she had beautiful dynamic curls (ignore the eyes--temporary, just a quick 3-color ramp on spheres).

Just kidding, they're kinda ugly lol :,) but that's hopefully just because it's just a generic aistandardsurface shader with no texture. I'm going to repaint the texture on the scalp so even if it shows through it doesn't look like her hair is thinning. I'm also planning on using flair renderer (linked below), so I have to pay for that and do some testing with it to figure out how I can get the final look I'm going for. Concept portrait design below:

[rnf-central]

Super Mario Wonder Direct Thoughts

I woke up a little late and missed the live stream, lol. But I finally saw it, and oh my god I am so excited for this game. Honestly I was from the moment I first saw it. The art style is so cute and expressive, and the levels looked amazing. A very distinct new step for the 2D Mario games without straying too hard from what makes them so good to begin with. I didn't even need this Direct honestly, but it was a nice surprise. Though, to be honest, I kinda wish I didn't watch it. Not because it killed my hype. If anything it made me more excited, but I think is showed off a little too much. Stuff I'd like to of been surprised about. Like there's a whole section about the world themes that I think would've been better to just leave as something the players should find them self. Though I still do believe there's lots we haven't seen yet in that regard. But yeah this game looks so good. I found it gorgeous looking before, but I swear it gets more beautiful every time I see it. The levels too look varied and unique. It really seems they took the criticisms of the recent New Super Mario games to heart. This game is just exploding with personality, colors, and liveliness. But not to the point it's too much. It's all very nice. We saw some new characters as well, though who cares I'm just happy Daisy is here. I'm still in disbelief she's finally in a main series game. On top of Mario, Peach, Luigi, and Daisy we saw Toadette, Nabbit, Blue and Yellow Toad, and 4 different colors of Yoshi. Toadette is no longer the easy mode like she was in U Deluxe. That honor now goes to Yoshi and Nabbit. It's also been confirmed Yoshi will play just like how you'd expect. With him being able to flutter and eat everything in his path. And you can ride on him in multiplayer. Now when you jump off Yoshi for an extra boost, thus killing him, it'll be even more personal. You can even ride him as an elephant. My god...poor Yoshi. Speaking of Elephant it's been confirmed it's a power up for all characters. I saw a lot of speculation that each character would have a different animal power up for them, which I was hoping was true, but sadly no. And let me tell you, Elephant Peach and Daisy are just as horrifying as you'd imagine. But we got some new ones too. Drill and Bubble. Wow. Listen Mario, I know Kirby Squeak Squad is one of the more forgotten games in that series, but that doesn't mean you can go and steal it's Bubble power. I'm kidding of course. I mean it is similar in that you can tap and kill enemies with it. But they add the twist of being able to use the bubble as platforms. Which is neat. I bet there's a lot of creative usages for it. Drill seems...whatever. Pretty much the drill item from Galaxy 2, but as a costume. Speaking of creative ways to platform we also see Badges. Badges are like little extra powers that you can equip during a level. One badge per level. These badges seem fun from what we've seen. There's some that make pits less deadly, some that let you do super jumps or improve your wall jump ability, and some seem to give you powers that you can use for some fun platforming. Like the Vine Grapple one that allows you to create a Vine that can grab onto walls and other platforms and get brought to them near instantly. Think Spider-Man sorta. It really seems like this is the 2D game's version of Odyssey. I said that from the start, but now I'm just more convinced. They seem dead set on giving you so many ways to explore and playthrough the levels despite the game being linear and it's a nice touch. It'll definitely add some replay value. Even if I got all of the collectibles on a level I may go back to them just to experiment with different badges or powers. Anyway, shit it seems there's a text limit here. So uh...I'll have to make another post cause damn there is just too much to say.

[uhlavender]

hey I'm sorry if this reply is coming in late. I've been busy with traveling and work stuff the past couple weeks, that I haven't had any time for myself. i hope you've been well.

sorry to hear that you didn't like cults live! some artists are just great at production and not as performers. I remember having a friend so disappointed of how joji performed live. He kept yelling and asking the city how they were doing every minute. It was amusing lol. performing is just a whole other skill. honestly, there's artists that sound 1000x better live than the studio versions.

i'm learning korean, but i haven't had time to keep up with grammar, im just maintaining vocabulary so i dont forget. there's a lot to talk about when it comes to theory, but to boil it down, especially at the level you're at if you already can speak/listen, you should always be constantly giving yourself a lot of input (reading, listening, etc.) and never stop observing. Once you stop observing, and settle at your level/fluency, you will never grow. So if you don't stop observing/noticing stuff, like phrases, pronunciations, slang, you'll continue to grow. But yeah a lot of input is important. You should always read/listen to your stuff at your level + 1. Read/listen to stuff that you can understand ~96% of. You learn best when you can attach new words to a memory/emotional connection/image. You won't remember the word "obstruction" in a dictionary, but when you figure out the word "obstruction" when used in a movie, TV show, or song, you'll remember it better because of context.

Yeah i think what you're saying is very true. i think life in general is a whole mass of grey. i just wish artistically, my interests and passions will come together and align to something i can be proud of, but i'm just littered with unfinished projects. maybe in my mind during the time, i thought if i just had more focus and precision, i'd get things done.

hmm i think it's definitely an exciting position at a clean slate, but i don't see my slate as clean haha. i already fucked around a lot and have experience walking the roads im interested in. it feels more depressing when you tried and don't know whether you want to try again or fuck around with other shit. i hate saying this, but time is limited, and at a certain point, sometimes you feel like it's too late to hop on another path, but i guess that's just a sunk cost fallacy lol.

at the end of the day, i always think you should do what's fun. For me, it's always rotating -- if i stay too long on one thing, it gets too saturated for me fast. i've always seen that as a bane then a boon, it shows i can't stay consistent and i don't have perseverance.

and you're right. i think to see growth, you need change, otherwise you plateau. i definitely see growth and change in myself. my past self wouldn't believe how mellow i've become. a large part of me now just wants to simplify, minimize, and live a stable quiet life. and i think to do that, i want to let go of a lot of the things i was interested in. i think im just at a phase in my life where i want to move past experimenting and fucking around, and settle on something. i should be having fun with the process. when i think deep about it, it's not that im frustrated not knowing the answer, but that i really have a deep appreciation for art and expression, that it's hard to "choose" a medium to stick with. with all the ways you can express yourself through movies, books, clothes, music, painting, dancing, designing, cooking, and so much more along with the sub-genres behind it, it's hard to say "hey i want to do this for life". but i realize i don't really have to choose. it'll come naturally. i can just ride the river, and see where it leads me. you can also argue you don't have to do it for life, you can do anything you want, it's really your choice and that's the beauty of it. and i argue that my choice is to stick with 1 (or a few). i kind of see it like the difference between a buffet and a specialized restaurant. sure you get variety in a buffet, but you can't match the quality and 1:1 personal experience of a specialized restaurant.

Hey! Don't be sorry, I know I am not the most prompt either.

I hope you've since found some time for yourself. Traveling sounds fun though, where did you go and what do you do? Also, where is home for you?

Lol... Joji doing that does make sense to me. But I'm no performer either.

That language advice makes a lot of sense. It's why immersion is so great for learning quickly. That plus your need to survive lol. Why are you learning korean?

What exactly is stopping you from being proud now, even with unfinished projects? For me, it's comparison that makes my imposter syndrome worse. But other people have different circumstances, it would be really unfair to me if I didn't take that into account. I feel you on the focus thing too. I was diagnosed with ADHD and things started to make sense. Now I try to work with it rather than against it

I hear you, I think if you are called to pivot, do it. It is never too late to reinvent yourself. I am also brutally aware of how little time we have. It's like everything everywhere all at once. You can pick the timeline you want to live. It really is never too late.

I think it's ok to hop from one thing to the next. There are a lot of multi-passionate people who are restless with life. I see that as an asset, but I know it doesn't always feel like it. Regardless, this is good to think about. What do you think would happen if you did persevere? Are you avoiding something? Is there a part of you that wants to keep things incomplete? A part that secretly likes it?

I say this because I feel this way about my success. I know I can make it big, but a part of me is afraid of my own success. I would have that much more to lose. But to not go for it, well wouldn't I have already lost?

I also tooootally understand your struggle with finding your specialty. I am on that boat right now too. I've even used the same restaurant analogy too lol. This capitalistic society pressures us to pick one but we are so much more dimensional. Having too much to pick from is a good problem, but still all the more frustrating. I think riding the way is the best thing to do too. Why do I have to decide now? Can't I just let my heart show and guide me? I know you also want stability, but why throw away your interests? I don't think they are necessarily mutually exclusive. I think we can have our cake and eat it too.

Again, I think it's an asset. And I think you can get really good at more than one medium too. Lately I decided I want one of my main mediums to be metal working. But also machine knitting, jewelry, and print making. Also book making, and maybe also paper making. In the future, I wanna do glasswork and ceramics too. I want to do it all!

I've been thinking about what jobs I could apply for with my lack of specialty, but I realized my specialty is my intersection of passions and my niche is me. I could be a good leader, creative director, manager (something big picture) if I am familiar with all the moving parts. This is just what we interdisciplinary artists do!

PS. Obviously I'm not an expert, but some of the things you're describing sound like adhd behaviors. Could be worth looking into :P

[lightrises]

"Only in allowing her to pass..." — Hornet, The Radiance, and the means by which Hallownest turned its victims against each other

A quick note: I read Hollow Knight as an anti-colonialist text. As such I'll be touching on topics related to colonialism as it's depicted in the world of the game, and said analysis will reflect both a sympathetic take on The Radiance and a critique of The Pale King that won't pull its punches. If this sounds up your alley, hello and thank you for the read! Let us be sad about these bugs together.

———

So!! A while back I realized something about pre-canon that felt rather... "curious" is one way to put it, I think. To wit: for all the effort and scheming and determination The Pale King poured into trying to get rid of The Radiance, neither of his plans involved directly killing her.

Was that his long game? Well, sure, that seems clear enough. His tack changed from luring the moths away from their god and creator to a more literal form of incarceration once the infection became a factor, but at its core the end goal never really changed—The Pale King very sincerely wished to destroy Radiance via obsolescence. The Seer lends us foreshadowing to confirm as much:

[Image descriptions: Two screenshots from Hollow Knight, showing the Seer and Ghost in the Seer's alcove at the Resting Grounds. Across both screenshots, the Seer tells Ghost the following: "None of us can live forever, and so we ask those who survive to remember us. Hold something in your mind and it lives on with you, but forget it and you seal it away forever. That is the only death that matters." End description.]

(Which, by the way and given the context, talk about an extremely unsubtle allusion to cultural genocide huh!!! Whew.)

In any case, we're left with a whole bunch of machinations which build up to... well, two very roundabout attempts at committing deicide. That's kind of weird, all things considered! Why not just do the deed in one fell swoop and get it over with?

This could be for any number of reasons. Maybe the king was devoid of the means to instantly kill another higher being. Maybe his personal sense of scruples stopped him short of signing off on MURDER murder (although, y'know, the aforementioned genocide + eternal imprisonment = still cool and copasectic apparently!). Maybe the long drawn-out cruelty was the point. Maybe the idea of playing fuckign 4D chess with the circumstances was too delicious for him to pass up—that man did love to tinker and stick his claws where they sure as hell didn't belong—or maybe it was a little bit of All The Things. Who knows!!

But interrogating The Pale King's methodology on this count isn't what I'm here for, at least not really. The main reason I raise this question at all is that in her own way, Hornet did too.

"I'd urge you to take that harder path... "

See, going by The Pale King's actions and what The White Lady explicitly says, they both foresaw two outcomes wrt the infection: it can be allowed to spread, or it can be contained. At Teacher's Archives, Quirrel acknowledges the fact that Ghost is expected to do... something about this, but he doesn't elaborate on what HE thinks that's supposed to be apart from the obvious "Gotta bust into Black Egg Temple first". Hornet is the one person who presents to us—to Ghost—what's framed as a third option: confront and destroy the infection at its source.

And she doesn't bring it up like it's just another tactic for Ghost to consider, prim and indifferent to what they would do. She nudges them towards it, actively, up to the point where she throws herself into the fray against Hollow at a juncture that's uniquely dangerous to her and her alone just to make that option feasible.

Even when she's couching it in disclaimers that this is still Ghost's decision to make (and let's be fair, she's extremely not wrong about that lol), no one can pretend Hornet is unbiased. It's obvious in that buttoned-down Hornet kind of way that she is way the hell done with the increasingly tenuous stalemate that's kept Hallownest's desiccated corpse from collapsing in on itself. Personally it's hard for me not to read some Toriel Undertale-esque "My father was too entrenched in his own foolishness to pursue any course of action that would have DEFINITIVELY ended this" shade into her stance here, regardless of whether that's strictly true in canon.

And that bit—Hornet's hopes for an end to Hallownest's stasis, moreover her grim calculation of what needs to be done to get there—that's the bit I find super interesting but likewise tragic and depressing as shit, on multiple levels. In no small part because a) canon itself gestures towards Hornet feeling conflicted about the very plan she's pushing, and moreover b) she has at least two (2) damn good reasons to feel that way.

So, what do I mean by that? Let's look here first:

[Image description: A screenshot from Hollow Knight, of Hornet and Ghost inside the Temple of the Black Egg, standing in front of the unsealed egg itself. Hornet has been struck by the Dream Nail and her dialogue is displayed as follows: "... Could it achieve that impossible thing? Should it?" End description.]

As the curtain is about to drop on things one way or another, Hornet thinks,

... Could it achieve that impossible thing? Should it?

Now, looking at that last bit it's easy to go "Oh no, Hornet's worried that Ghost won't survive killing The Radiance!" And I do think that's part of it: Hornet is, categorically, not her father. By endgame it's clear she's not content to view her Void-borne siblings as tools to be used then disposed of. She's also well aware that as a healthy autonomous Vessel amongst the countless dead, Ghost is the only person left alive who has a fighting chance against The Radiance. Knowing someone is the only qualified candidate for the job doesn't make encouraging them to embrace a probable death sentence any less of a bitter pill to swallow, though. And odds are on that this sentiment extends to Hollow too, who IS going to die no matter what happens here. To put it bluntly, it's more than reasonable to conclude that Hornet hates the absolute fuck out of this.

But I don't think that's all there is to it either. Remember what I said earlier about The Pale King's bids for genocide? Well, it's not like the man deigned to limit his efforts to just the moth tribe.

"We do not choose our mothers... "

On top of everything else—an infected Hallownest being all she's ever known, the fact that she only exists because of the infection, the list goes on—Hornet has spent her life wedged into a position that's been uncomfortable and terminally unglamorous at best: she is both a daughter of her father's kingdom and of Deepnest.

Deepnest, which like the moths and many others was here long before the wyrm and his lady wife swanned onto the scene and the God Become Bug laid claim to everything the Light touched plus a considerable amount of change. THAT Deepnest, which has fought claw and thread to retain its sovereignty against same-said settler king, and for which Herrah not only surrendered her life but also agreed to bed her worst enemy, all in hopes of securing a viable future for her people (put a pin in that last part by the way, I'll come back to it soon).

Two Worlds, One Family (Ft. An Indigenous Woman Trying Her Damndest To Work With What She's Got Versus An Imperialist Who Only Signed Up For This Because He Needed The Political Favor THAT Badly, So It's The Height Of Dysfunctional Actually). Fun times!!!!

The baggage this entails for Hornet is gnarly enough without implications made by The White Lady and the pre-canon timeline of events and even Team Cherry's dev notes that the king may well have looked at baby Hornet, gone "YOINK", then ensured she spent the lion's share of her childhood reared within the pearly auspices of his Pale Court*. That would be rather advantageous for Him Specifically after all, the potential to mold a born foe into a future ally and even have her trained in combat under the same tutelage as her doomed sibling. And far be it from him to stop a grown Hornet—his own flesh and blood too!—from making Deepnest her forever home if she so pleased. He totally wouldn't be reneging on his "fair bargain made" by doing this one simple thing until Hornet came of age, not t e c h nic c a l l y.

If that is indeed the case, there's a non-zero chance Hornet's formative years were a hot mess of cultural alienation and being a good deal more privy than most to just how much of a bastard her father could be. There's an equally non-zero chance that at some point she stood or sat within earshot as The Pale King finally, finally dropped all pretense and euphemism to name the Light for precisely what (for who) it was.

See, in conjunction with the question that started this whole dang train of thought I've been asking this one too: Does Hornet know? When she speaks of confronting "the heart of [the] infection" does she know she's talking about not just a literal person but someone very specific? The Radiance, who god though she may be shares skin in the game alongside Hornet as a native woman screwed over by the same settler king, likewise deprived of her kin and saddled with a life gone horrendously pear-shaped?

I'll assume for the sake of exploring the possibility and because I think it's a likely one anyway that yes, Hornet does know. She knows, and despite everything can't help empathizing. She might even look at Radiance and see bits and pieces both reflected and slightly inversed in her own mother: Radiance was forced to the sidelines while her people—her children, the brood she was meant to lead and care for—died out under The Pale King's rule, and it's no stretch to assume she's at least as upset about that as she has been about everything else; Herrah too took drastic measures for her people's sake, trying to head off annihilation by relegating herself to the sidelines in an act that was as much calculated risk as an attempt to find wiggle room and leverage in the face of a nasty proposition.

A calculated risk that, if things continue as they are, might well amount to nothing as the rest of Deepnest gets eaten alive by the infection. It survived The Pale King's advances for so so long, only to fall here. Herrah's sacrifice would be for naught; the other tribes—themselves the king's victims—would keep succumbing to the infection too.

And this is where things fall apart.

"... or the circumstance into which we are born."

Let's be clear: I think Hornet is wise enough to know what's what here, that all the carnage and suffering falls on her father's head for starting this slow-motion trainwreck in the first place. Hallownest wasn't always Hallownest. This domain was Radiance's home first, along with many others. It was the worm-turned-king who rolled up on the scene unsolicited and decided this was a ""'problem""" that had to be """solved""".

But the fact of the matter is that he's gone and The Radiance is here, raging, seemingly inconsolable. Above and beyond being Deepnest's rightful heir, Hornet isn't in a position to countenance more splash damage even if the grief and fury fueling it makes perfect sense. She can understand without ever bringing herself to love Radiance, and she can bend her knee to practicality even if she hates the everloving shit out of it because the fact that it "has" to end this way isn't fair.

This lends itself to one last awful conclusion: that Hornet has probably considered and (rightly or wrongly) discarded the possibility that Radiance can be saved, at least not without dragging more collateral along for the ride. If even her mother and every other enemy to the king seemed to dismiss talking Radiance down as an option way back when... well. Why should Hornet hope for any better after things have escalated so far?

Again, it's practical. A practical net good is what Hornet strives for. And again, it fucking sucks.

For extra tragedy points, this makes Hornet's extended crypticness around Ghost followed by her last minute casting about for a reason to tell them "Wait, don't; not just yet" that she never voices even more of a gut punch. She can't bring herself to burden Ghost with the context that haunts her so, least of all when it might weaken their resolve to go through with what (she thinks) needs doing.

It's the "same song, different verse" which led to the mantis tribe and Deepnest being pitted against each other: Hallownest rigged the game so that two women who could have been powerful allies—who have a mutual vested interest in driving out settler rule—wound up poised as enemies instead. And how awful is that? The king for all his being extremely fucking dead still gets the last laugh, because outside of a miracle the game never manifests Hornet can salvage what her mother started and look forward to a future where Deepnest pulls itself back from the brink if and only if The Radiance dies.

Resolution comes at the price of a completed genocide. Add two more dead siblings to the unconscionable pile thereof, while we're at it. That's what it boils down to whether or not Hornet can bear to articulate it as such, and there's no grace or even a properly bittersweet ending to wring from this clusterfuck. And that is rough.

———

* This has been better explained elsewhere, but a quick rundown: The White Lady tells Ghost that Hornet and Herrah "were permitted little time together." On its surface this can be taken to mean that Hornet was still very young when Herrah was shipped off to Eternal Dreamland—except this doesn't jive with the fact that we meet Hornet as an adult. If the stasis kicked in once the Dreamers went to their rest, which in turn halted the aging process for every living bug in Hallownest, AND before all this Hornet experienced little by the way of quality time with her birth mother... I think you can see where I'm going with this.

To top it off we've got Team Cherry weighing in ominously from their dev notes on Herrah: "As part of the agreement for her alliance and her role as a dreamer, King gave her a child (Hornet). Was she allowed to keep this child or was she taken away?" This isn't confirmation by itself of course, but given additional canon details (see above): Can I get a "yikes" in the chat fellas.

[fandomfluffandfuck]

King 🤴 👉👈🥺 did you have a realization for kink? Please share if you do? 👉👈

As much as I want to say, yes, I did! I really did! I can't honestly pin it down to one moment.

I'll explain:

I would love to say that I had the classic realization moment I've always heard described of playing cops and robbers when you're a little boy and having another boy tie you to something to make sure you stay "caught" by the "cops" / being a little boy and tying another boy to something to make sure they stay there but... I didn't have that. I never so much had a kinky awakening moment as much as I had a face-palm moment of, oh my god, "normal" people aren't kinky! I'm not normal! (Which, as an adult, okay,, whatever. I'm not normal, who gives a fuck? No one is actually normal.) The literal inverse of a regular awakening because I've just always known I was kinky for as long as I've been aware of my own sexuality lmao. Like, I have no idea why or where I got the notion from when I was younger, but I had this idea that the sex (limited as it is) you see in media was censored as vanilla sex but that everyone has some form of kinky sex. Vanilla is just the "safest" for film when so it's what they use, when, in fact... most people like vanilla sex.

And no disrespect to vanilla sex, never. That's not what I'm saying.

I know very well from my own experience that you like what you like and you can't change that. Vanilla sex is just not how my brain is, and kink comes so naturally to me that it kinda boggles my mind that it's the only thing some people like, y’know?

Going down that path, recently I've also been coming to terms with being on the ace/aro spectrum moreso than I was accepting of myself before and I think, for me personally, that part of the misunderstanding of vanilla sex being some peoples preference, is that I as a person am like, well, if I am going to put in the effort to have sex with someone I'm gonna make damn sure that we make it something with all the bells and whistles, so to speak. But, who knows, that is just a half formed theory lol

Hopefully that makes sense haha

[sk-lumen]

Need serious advice about setting boundaries or communicating when dealing with a person who:

Is a parent

Has unhealthy communication methods -- it takes very little for them to start full-blown screaming, shouting out all your 'negative' things/mistakes/past, can continue to scream-criticise you even after you've gone silent, for WHOLE MINUTES even if you've shut up, will not accept anything that even hints at them making a mistake

You can't trust since childhood coz u made the mistake of confiding in them with a serious issue as a young teen --- mental related --- and they belittled and invalidated you, and since then pretended you never confided in them and have NO IDEA how you've been coping without them or ANYone else for years... Yeah thanks, parent, what u said back then made me think I was the one at fault and so I stopped trusting even friends coz yeah, when ur own parent doesn't give a damn, why would anyone else?

Is a master at silent treatments without explaining what EXACTLY they're punishing you for, then when theyre in the mood, will start talking to you as if they hadn't ignored you for days. Lol I'd rather be water boarded I think. Especially for all the damage this caused when I was a child

Won't openly talk about what they want, yet expects ALL FHE TIME others (in the family) to know what they want, then will complain/scream/angry for AGES about how no one cares, no one gives a damn... And when someone asks them what they want, they either say: nothing, or "you should know! Can't u see?"

Upon asking them to please talk normally, will blow a fuse, and lose it --- happened multiple times today

Literally will use me as a scape goat to unleash their frustrations upon. Even when I leave the room, I can hear them b*tch about how much of a failure I am etc. The trigger being anything that bothers them, from a phone call to something other siblings did, bla bla. I limit my time with them... But it's like, it feels impossible to have them treat me normally, without ridiculing or criticising me. I'm already a very low self esteem person... This doesn't help AT ALL

In short, refuse to tell/ask/discuss important stuff, and getting mad randomly that no one read their mind, bcoz everyone's 'old enough to have enough sense' to know what they 'should' do... Eg will not pikc up the phone when we call them from the store to ask when what the needed isn't available, so what other alternative can we get... And then when we get home, will instead blame us for being fussy and not getting the alternative, completelt skirting around the issue they didn't deign to pick up the phone... I mean, I don't get it. In the past I HAVE in fact asked them to just openly tell me what they want/expect from me to make them happy... Got passive aggressive answers like "don't you know? Are you dumb?" Bla bla

Passive aggressive to the max when they've lost it

Expect me to drop anything I'm doing and immediately cater to them, and expect me to help them in their hobbies (while simultaneously, as I learned many years ago to much heartache, not being interested or even pretending to be interested in my hobbies. The disinterest taught me very quickly how much what I wanted meant, leading to years of self-invalidation. Luckily I've learned it really is them, not me. My hobbies are valid)

Will not talk about why they're feeling angry, what causes it. Instead will blame me, who's like the golden scapegoat in our amazing family, by saying :YOU made me negative. They've said it many times now... It hurts a lot, when I'm also struggling with my own issues which I ofc can't confide in them about :)

Today I manned up -- the outburst of hatred happened again! Over a simple thing. It was NIGHTMARE and made me angry/sad/frustrated/triggered---, and so I told them to stop talking like that... Boy was that the wrong thing to say... I don't think I can accurately tell u what happened afterwards...

Usually children learn communication skills from the parents... I at least learned to recognize the unhealthy ones, and what NOT to communicate like lol. Like, other parent is even worse, believe it or not. But that's another complex situation

I'm not bashing on the parent. Lord knows I even have that much of a right huh? I hate myself eveb more when they invalidate me if I try to show how MUCH THEY HURT me after a 'communication session'. As in, heaven forbid me if I BE SILENT afterwards and DON'T wanna listen to their retardation. Nope. Even then they provoke me, rage at me, you know how sometimes enraged people hiss vitriol thru gritted teeth? Yeah, that's what they did today after I stayed silent and tried to ignore them an hour later after the 'session' when they wabted something. It's like they don't even need me to say a word and will carry on and on for minutes 🤢

I feel alone, helpless and at a loss what to do

I want to move out. Due to severe mental issues I can't even move out rn coz it scares me even more. But this has to stop. Things are only okay if I'm absolutely passive, say yes to whatever they want, kill my wants and needs, and become a perfect robot bred to cater to them (parent)

I hope you can help me out, dear

Hi darling,

It sounds like you’re in a considerably toxic environment. I'm sorry you're going through this. Know that this is not normal, nor is it how a parent/child relationship should be. In case there's any doubt, let me start by saying you deserve to be supported, respected, listened to, to have your needs met. You deserve to live in an environment that offers you all of these things.

With that being said, from the many scenarios you’ve mentioned you’ve already tried reasoning and setting boundaries, to no avail. There is only so much you can do on your own, if the other person in the equation is not meeting halfway or at all. After all, a healthy conversation involves two people, not just one.

Here's my advice, in this order:

Calmly and maturely asking the respective parent to have a serious discussion with you and to listen to what you have to say. Share how their actions and behaviour is making you feel, let them know you care, and make sure to mention several solutions for the issue as well. If this doesn’t work…

Bring up the subject of needing help from outside, such as the assistance of a specialist/therapist. Family counselling can shed a lot of light on toxic behaviours that are ingrained from childhood (both in their case and yours), on fears your parent may have, stress from their work, whatever is causing their outbursts and anger - because there is always a reason. Behind anger is sadness, and behind sadness is some need not being met, or an underlying fear, trauma, etc. This is not a justification for their behaviour, they are responsible for it; this is simply the fact of how energy dynamics work. People bottle up their frustrations, fears, etc, and let them out on those closest to them, to whom they feel superior. It’s not fair, and it’s not healthy, but it is frequently how this pattern works. If this solution doesn’t work either…

Then unfortunately, all you can do is focus on yourself. If they refuse to meet you anywhere along the road, you have to pack up your things and go your own way. Literally or metaphorically. They may be your parent and you may love them even in spite of their behaviour, but you cannot hold yourself responsible for anything they say or do; that is on them. In those cases, you have to prioritize your own mental health and wellbeing, and focus on moving out. If your (home) environment is toxic, you have to focus on first changing it. That’s vital. Only afterwards can you start healing, refinding yourself, reclaiming your self-esteem and confidence, your sense of worth. As long as you stay stuck in a toxic environment, you cannot really heal; if there is abuse of any kind (physical, mental, emotional), the causes are still there, leading to re-traumatizing.

If for whatever reason moving out is not (yet) an option, I would emphasize seeking some sort of counselling for yourself, if nothing else. You need an anchor, some sort of support that will help you along your path until you do get out.

Now, I don’t know how old you are. I am going to assume you are over 18 and of age, so only mind my advice if that is the case. (As disclaimer, I don't provide advice to minors as it's not the scope of my blog nor am I specialized/focused on that area.)

I understand moving out seems scary because it is unknown, but with that line of thought you may wait another 10 years in the same situation. Wouldn’t you wake up 10 years later already having done the hard work on moving out, finding your independence, claiming your sense of individuality and moving on from this sort of environment, this phase in your life?

Sooner is better than later, but do so with mindfulness and care over your mental health, of course. I know it’s scary. But being an adult requires some difficult decisions at times, and setting boundaries begins with choosing your wellbeing and doing what needs to be done, even if it is something uncomfortable short-term, but highly rewarding and beneficial long-term.

Hope this helps... and wishing you much luck, clarity, gentle guidance and comfort.✨

PS: Lately I've been receiving longer and longer letters in my inbox. As solution, I was thinking of having longer asks/letters redirected to my blog where there isn't any length limit, and readers can more comfortably browse both my tumblr and blog - and those requesting advice can share and receive a more in-depth response.

-Lumen

[mooifyourecows]

Heya love 👋 I’ll be in Idaho in a few weeks for my anon vaca but wondering if you had any good suggestions for things to do or places not to miss? I’m sorry if you’ve made suggestions for this before. Sending much love and hugs.

oooh vacay in Idaho huh?

Well, it honestly really depends on what part of Idaho you are visiting. It's a big state!

And the main appeal of Idaho is the nature, ya know? There's a bunch of lakes and hiking trails and waterfalls and hot springs. But since you will be there in Octoberish, I'm not sure how the water flow will be for some of the waterfalls. They're usually at their highest flow some time in Spring and then kinda fluctuate throughout summer and are usually pretty dry around this time of year.

So Shoshone Falls might be underwhelming if you go visit them, unfortunately. They're really gorgeous when the water level is high though! 😍

Down in Southern Idaho, where I'm from, there's the Snake River, which goes under the Perrine Bridge in Twin Falls. The Perrine Bridge is where a lot of base jumpers jump off into the Snake and if you kayak up from Centennial, in the direction of Pillar Falls, you will go directly under the bridge and possibly hear and see the jumpers! BUT, like I said, it's Autumn, so there are probably much fewer base jumpers and it might be a little too chilly for kayaking

The Bruneau Sand Dunes are cool! And there's always Craters of the Moon, if you are interested in volcanic rock and caves. (but i believe some caves are closed rn so you would be kinda limited in what you could explore. there are several caves and tubes that you can get a free permit from the rangers to walk through but i don't know if the open ones are good ones or not lmao) There are also several ice caves but you would have to check if they're open because i have no clue tbh

There are a shit ton of different places to find hot springs, so if that's something you're interested in, then I def recommend it! When my family would go camping, hot springs were a staple for every trip 😩👌 So wherever you wind up visiting, if you decide you wanna go take a dip in any of the hot springs, just google whichever one is closest and give it a looksie! Be warned though that you might have to hike in order to get to some of them. A lot of them are right off the side of a river or even dug into the side of a mountain so it can be tricky to reach them but sooo worth it.

Hmmm... in terms of like... city type stuff? I have no clue what to do. We didn't really do city stuff. It was mostly camping and kayaking and camping and swimming and camping and hiking and camping and getting drunk while kayaking and sitting around a huge fire calling each other names while also drinking and camping.... okay lots of nature type stuff

Boise is nice though. The Boise River Greenbelt is supposed to be pretty scenic during Autumn, I believe. You can get some bikes and ride along the paths and take in the sights 🥰 (there are also multiple wineries along the 25 mile path so if wine is something you're interested in..... you know what to do)(if you prefer beer to wine, then there are also some nice breweries in downtown Boise. I've only been to one but it was very nice 👏)

And then if you decide you wanna do something non-nature related, check out the Knitting Factory for the days you're there (supposing you'll be in Boise at all) and see if there are any concerts you're interested in 👀 they've ALWAYS got somethin goin on. The Struts are gonna be there Oct. 24 and Anderson East will be there Nov. 2 👀👀👀

Then there's the Idaho Botanical Garden. I've only been there for a Modest Mouse concert so I can't vouch for the gardens themselves but hey they might be worth seeing lol

Another Boise thing is Table Rock. It's a hike, surprise surprise, but the view from the top is pretty nice!

Idaho also has a lot of really good skiing/snowboarding places! Sun Valley is super popular year round but especially during snow season. Bogus Basin in Boise is another good one. But there probably won't be any snow when you go so... maybe next time

Oh but you could go to the Basque Market and get some yummy paella they make out on their patio every Wednesday and Friday at noon 🤤 it's super popular though so if you wanted some, you'd have to make sure to get there early

uhhhhhhmmmmm let's see... there's Bear World... City of Rocks... lots of lakes

Bear Lake in Southern Idaho is nice and then there's Stanley Lake and Alice Lake... If you are going more up North, there's Priest Lake. (and many more, but I believe these ones are super popular and scenic) (no seriously if you google Idaho Lakes, there's so many to choose from like damn they're everywhere)

Sun Valley is probably one of the biggest draws of Idaho. That's where the celebrities all got a vacation home because its like, super nice. It's more of a winter or summer resort though, ya know? But then again, there might be some good sights with the changing trees in Autumn soo... might be worth it?

I dunno man, adventure is out there! Idaho is one of those states that doesn't really have a bustling city activity scene, you know? It's mostly about the mountains and the trees and the wildlife and the camping and kayaking and white water rafting and skiing and doing dumb shit out in the desert with some 4-wheelers & a snowboard

The people are polite and quiet but they are very republican and up north they are very racist (especially in coeur d'alene). Moscow, Boise, and Pocatello are university towns so they are probably your best bet when it comes to city stuff/night life kinda activities. But I hope you're vaccinated because Idaho has a looooooooooooot of anti-mask sentiment 🤦‍♂️ So like, I def recommend wearing your mask around people even if you're vaccinated because they dumb af. also be prepared to move your schedule around because Idaho weather is a stupid bitch and it can go from "Wow it's a beautiful, perfect day" to "little Timmy has been taken away by the vengeful wind gods, we must find shelter before they take us too"

i dunno if anything here is all that useful, lol, but either way, I hope you have a good time in Idaho! don't let the I84 fool you, there's so much more than empty desert to see if you look for it!

Have fun, safe travels, i wish you all the best luck with weather and air quality (i dunno how the smoke from Cali is but my parents said it was pretty bad a few weeks ago so hopefully it's cleared up by the time you visit)

feel free to let me know how it went! 🖤