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immaturityofthomasastruc · 3 years

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IOTA Reviews: Sole Crusher

Well... It's finally here... the episode introducing the new bee hero. And what do you know? It looks like I was right about how the new character would be portrayed.

It's kind of funny how I made predictions exaggerating what could happen, and they were surprisingly accurate. Isn't that funny?

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Let's just get into the seventh (chronologically the seventh and the seventh episode in the season to air after “Mr. Pigeon 72”) episode of Miraculous Ladybug's fourth season: Sole Crusher. Damn, I hate that a pun this clever was used for the title.

We get to the point pretty quickly with the first scene being Zoe arriving in Paris and getting a tour of the city. She asks to stop at the Dupain-Cheng bakery, where she meets Marinette through some brief Unfunny Marinette Slapstick. The two quickly strike up a conversation.

I mean, it's not like Zoe is the sister of the absolute worst human being in existence, right?

Marinette compliments Zoe's shoes, and she points out that she designed them herself, and wrote every good thing anyone has ever said to her on them. But because she only has one friend, there's only a standard “I <3 U” on the left shoe.

So Zoe leaves the bakery and heads to Le Grand Paris where she meets her mother, Audrey. Unlike how she talked with Marinette, Zoe pretends to be just as snobby as Audrey in order to fit in. She then meets up with Chloe, who criticizes her for having poor person things like a phone without any diamonds embedded in it. And then she sees Zoe's shoes.

Look, that meme was already dated when it was referenced in Black Panther three years ago. Please don't try to reference memes in 2021, Miraculous Ladybug.

Chloe offers some golden heels while saying that those kind of shoes are for winners to wear and crush the losers underneath. This is the only episode to mention this kind of ideology, and believe me, it gets worse when Chloe decides to teach Zoe how to be like her.

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Get used to this. This episode is all about demolishing any semblance of likability in Chloe's character. Now that Astruc doesn't have to bother with writing Chloe with decency since she's not Queen Bee, watch as he turns her into an absolute caricature of her former self.

Yes, Chloe has ordered her father to give her a lot of frivolous things in the past, but she has been shown to care about him, like immediately rushing to hug him after she was safe in “Origins” and showing concern for when he was akumatized into Malediktator while apologizing for causing it. For the love of God, one of the first things she did when she allied with Hawkmoth at the end of Season 3 was to have him unto her parents' akumatization. I guess she only cared about her rich parents for their status and not because she actually loved them right?

Next up on the list of Chloe's positive qualities to ruin is her friendship with Sabrina.

🎶It's seven o'clock in the morning🎶 🎶I can't believe they made this scene🎶 🎶With the writing Astruc's enforcing🎶 🎶It's like he's trying to piss off me🎶

Yep, Chloe doesn't view Sabrina in a twisted view of friendship anymore. Now she's a slave. I'm not exaggerating by the way, he actually said that in a tweet.

THIS IS WHAT THOMAS ASTRUC ACTUALLY BELIEVES

Okay, so I guess all those times we saw Chloe playing superheroes with Sabrina in “Antibug” and “Miraculer” were just a slave driver playing with their property. Actually apologizing to Sabrina for getting her akumatized in those episodes? Protecting her from the Scarlet Akumas in “Ladybug”? She was just interested in keeping her slave around. I think Astruc may have slept through the slavery unit in his history class. Yes, Sabrina was mostly used as a joke to show how controlling Chloe could be, but there were still semblances of an actual friendship between the two.

Chloe arrives at school and introduces Zoe as her half-sister, despite being the same age and having the same mother. Because I guess we can add basic biology to the list of things the writers don't understand. Now that we're at school, Chloe's friendship with Adrien is next up on the chopping block.

Yep, despite being Adrien's only friend and making a big deal about valuing his friendship to the point where she threw a big party just to make sure he wouldn't leave her and risked cooperating with an Akuma to save him, now Chloe just sees Adrien as a rich meal ticket. Two of the earliest episodes to show Chloe had a more compassionate side to her, and they just undid them. Even as much as I hated the episode, “Felix” showed Chloe was willing to cooperate with Marinette and her friends just to find a way to cheer Adrien up on the anniversary of his mother's not-death.

For the love of God, Astruc, 1984 was supposed to warn people about what could happen if they rewrote the past, not encourage people to rewrite the past. He probably finished Animal Farm thinking Snowball really did work alongside the humans, didn't he?

Marinette comes up and Zoe pretends to hate her, leading Marinette to wonder why she did that. She texts Zoe (she gave her number to her earlier) and invites her to a concert on the Liberty, but Chloe finds out. Zoe thinks fast and pretends it's just so she can torment her more. Chloe then takes out a book listing all the ways she can torture Marinette. I wonder if this is a metaphor for the writing process behind most of the episodes last season.

Zoe decides to go outside for some fresh air, and Andre comforts her. Funny how Andre bends over backwards to give Chloe whatever she wants, yet he's willing to actually talk to Zoe like an actual parent. Andre tries to cheer Zoe up, but she talks about her past where she had to put on an act so she would be liked, but (bet you've never heard this before) she just wants to be accepted for who she truly is. The surge of emotions is enough for Shadowmoth to akumatize her into Sole Crusher.

In addition to having one of the most clever puns for an Akuma name, I actually like Sole Crusher's design. Not only is it a good excuse to reuse Chloe's character design, it makes sense thematically, as Chloe was trying to mold Zoe into a copy of herself. The gold and diamonds also make sense given Chloe's love for shiny things. Her powers tie into the bizarre belief Chloe has about stepping on the winners. Whenever Sole Crusher kicks or steps on someone, she absorbs them and gets progressively bigger, making it easier to do so. While it's not cracking my top ten anytime soon, it's still an interesting character design.

Sole Crusher heads to the hotel to get Chloe, and she manages to get away pretty quickly. Maybe in an alternate universe, she's a track star? For some reason, she runs to the Dupain-Cheng bakery and then... Oh my God... pushes Marinette's parents so they get absorbed by Sole Crusher, before trying to do the same with Marinette.

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When has Chloe ever done something like that? Whenever she endangered someone during an Akuma attack, it was unintentional or a result of her naivety. She was only trapped in Pixelator's dimension because Adrien tried diving to save her, she only alerted Rogercop to Ladybug's presence because she eagerly called out for her, and during “Zombizou” she only tried to throw Sabrina towards the horde of kissing zombies once, and that was meant to highlight her growth. The only person to actually do stuff like this consistently is Lila, but I guess she got vaporized by Big Brother offscreen.

This episode is determined to make the audience hate Chloe by retconning everything about her character while portraying her as a complete monster. As bad as Chloe could get, she was never selfish enough to use anyone as a human shield. This kind of behavior honestly could be explained by saying Chloe was lashing out as a result of losing the Bee Miraculous permanently, but the events of the Season 3 finale aren't mentioned ONCE, not even in the next episode that introduces Queen Bee's replacement! How the hell can you set up the next Bee hero without explaining why the original needs to be replaced in the first place?! And trust me, I'm going to talk about Zoe replacing Chloe later.

Sole Crusher grabs Marinette in her hand, so the Horse Kwami, Kaalki, uses her power to teleport over to Adrien's house and inform him Ladybug needs help, meaning once again Adrien did nothing in this episode before becoming Cat Noir.

At the Liberty, Chloe offers more victims to Sole Crusher in the form of the band Kitty Section (consisting of Luka, Juleka, Rose, Ivan, and Mylene) and theatens the giant golden supervillain she can send her back to Paris, even though she's really not in a position to bargain right now. And she STILL continues to insult her. Do you hate Chloe yet? Come on, do you? The writers won't stop until you do.

After we see Sole Crusher's conflicted emotions, Marinette is set free by Cat Noir and transforms into Ladybug, immediately summoning her Lucky Charm, a shoehorn. They only learn Zoe's sneakers were where she were akumatized thanks to Chloe's ranting, so the episode unintentionally made Chloe save the day. Ladybug breaks into Le Grand Paris and breaks the sneakers where Zoe hid them, using the shoehorn to open a door. So Sole Crusher is de-evilized, Ladybug fixes the damage, and gives yet another charm to Zoe.

Afterwards, Zoe goes to the Liberty, apologizes for the act she put on, all while divulging to the audience her “tragic backstory”.

Of course, everyone welcomes her with open arms.

And right here is where the biggest problem I have with Zoe as a character. I normally hesitate to use this term given how often it gets thrown around when criticizing characters these days, but I really can't say anything else.

Zoe... is a Mary Sue.

For those who don't know, the term Mary Sue originated in a Star Trek fanfiction from 1973 satirizing several self-insert stories at the time. Most of these stories showed a beautiful young woman joining the crew of the Enterprise and immediately gaining the attention of the crew. Mary Sue parodied this character archetype by showing how much she was appreciated by Captain Kirk and Mr. Spock, the latter being driven to tears at her funeral despite his species being emotionless normally.

What does this have to do with Zoe? She has the exact same storyline as Mary Sue in the parody fanfiction. Her mere presence is enough to make Chloe act extremely out of character in an attempt to make her look better, and as soon as she apologizes while giving a frankly vague backstory, everyone just accepts her as their friend, and I mean everyone in the entire class. I'm sorry, but it just doesn't feel earned. Why was she bullied at her old school? What did her bullies have against her? What caused her to stop going along with her peers, and why did everyone turn against her? How the hell did the bullies who put cockroaches in another student's locker get no punishment while the victim was forced to transfer schools? It's an intentionally unclear backstory designed to make the audience feel sympathetic towards Zoe without actually doing anything else.

I want to ask anyone reading this who watched the episode a question: Outside of her backstory, what do we actually know about Zoe?

What is her personality like? She's nice? Socially awkward? We've never had a character like that in Miraculous Ladybug before! Sorry Marinette, Adrien, Juleka, Nathaniel, Mylene, and Marc, there's a new character with more personality than all of you combined!

What are her goals? She wants to be an actress? Great, but why? Even though there's no clear answer for why Marinette loves fashion, or why Alya loves journalism, or why Nino loves DJing, you can still see the passion in their lives when they do something related to their goals. Zoe only says she wants to be an actress, connecting it to her people pleaser backstory (and given how it ended, she must be a terrible actress), and in the next episode, she immediately gets the lead role in a student film.

When Mylene got the starring role in the movie in “Horrificator”, we at least got snippets of her acting skills in the same episode that established her desire to be an actress, which is also implied to be because she was inspired by her father in “The Mime”. She didn't just say she wanted to be an actress and got the leading role. She still had problems to overcome like her cowardice, which threw her own self-confidence into doubt. Here, Zoe just says she wants to be an actress, and is rewarded for no reason the very next episode.

Zoe basically exists only to be a foil to Chloe, and the writers had no idea what to do in terms of a personality, so they just dumped a bunch of extremely likable character traits onto her without thinking of how her character could come off. And like I said, she's a Mary Sue.

I'm not the only one who thinks this. I've seen a handful of posts on this very site calling Zoe a Mary Sue. In fact, I even asked another Tumblr user @anxresi to quote their take on Zoe being a Mary Sue, which I couldn't even top in terms of accuracy. They basically listed off five things that made Zoe a Mary Sue.

She has to have a ‘tragic backstory’ so all the other characters will fall in love with her. Usually within minutes, in the very first episode they’re introduced.

She has to have a supercute design so that the audience at home will fall in love with her. And if they don’t, they’re automatically dismissed as ‘haterz’ even if their objections are purely from a writing POV.

Her only flaw will be thinking too little of herself. “What, lil ol’ me as the Bee Miraculous holder? With my shyness, colorful shoes, chic beret and personalized pink strip in my hair? Gosh, who’d have thought it?”

The contrast to her half-sister will be a constant plot point, with Chloe always getting dumped on. “You see, kids? Bad things happen to bad people. But you see this super-sweet girl over here? She gets a free DAD. Instant FRIENDS. To star in her own MOVIE. The chance to be a SUPERHERO, even though she only arrived last week. Who cares if she has no depth, no personality and barely any reason for being in the show, apart from being a massive ‘Up Yours’ to all the Chloe fans out there?”

What about character development, Mr Generic Zag Guy? “Development? What’s that?! Zoe is already perfect as she is. The only ‘development’ she’ll receive is having her hair done in the first episode she’s introduced. Besides, That‘d’ word is banned here at Zag studios. Why do you think we abandoned Chloe’s stillborn arc so quickly? This is a KIDS show, why bother trying to create a complex character with more than one dimension?”

This is essentially who Zoe is. She's perfect, has no character flaws, has a cute design so the audience will love her already, and was designed only to replace Chloe as Queen Bee. That's all she is.

So the episode ends with Zoe feeling happy at all the new friends she made while we get one of the most blatant attempts of symbolism in the ending card I've ever seen.

See, look. While Marinette is happily talking with Zoe with the image of Ladybug next to them, Chloe is to the far left with an EVIL purple aura, showing how bad she is compared to how great Zoe is. Only a braindead moron would actually like Chloe over the super awesome and pretty Zoe!

I'll give my final thoughts on the episode in the next part where I analyze this plotline as a whole.

LINK TO “QUEEN BANANA” REVIEW

#immaturity of thomas astruc #iota #thomas astruc #thomas astruc salt #miraculous ladybug #miraculous ladybug salt #marinette dupain cheng #ladybug #adrien agreste #cat noir #chat noir #chloe bourgeois #queen bee #queen b #zoe lee #vesperia #sabrina raincomprix #andre bourgeois

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junicai · 4 years

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NCT being whipped for miyazu aria for seven minutes ;

325,078 views • 07 Feb 2021 • uploaded by [haechanieski]

[ NCT 127 Takes a Friendship Test ; Glamour 2020 ]

offscreen: “So, what was your first impression of Aria?”

Aria pressed herself into Doyoung’s side briefly, muttering a translation of the question into his ear. They had been briefed on the questions beforehand anyway, but she wanted to make sure he understood before he began answering - just in case he had forgotten.

Doyoung tilted his head down to Aria, a mischievous grin making its way onto his face; and it was only then, that Aria remembered exactly how the two had met in the first place.

Aria started to flush, shaking her head rapidly and burying her face into her hands. “Oh god no,” she whined.

Doyoung laughed at her, pulling her into his side with an arm over her shoulder and holding her there while he began speaking.

“Ah, Aria? We met for the first time when Aria was still tiny - well, tinier,”

“Hey!”

“And,” Doyoung continued on, laughing, “I had left my jacket in one of the practice rooms. It was a gift from my hyung, so I had gone back to get it even though it was really late. But when I went in to get it, I found Aria, sitting on the floor in the dark with it over her lap instead.”

At this point, Aria had fully buried her face into Doyoung’s chest, in a futile attempt to hide her reddened cheeks. “I thought it belonged to one of my friends,” she weakly protested, embarrassed by the laughs of the staff members behind the camera. “You scared me when you came in!”

“You stole my jacket!”

Aria sent a withering look to the camera.

“Czennie. Doyoung-oppa doesn’t care if I freeze, I want you to remember this.”

Doyoung gaped at her, yanking her back into his arms with an offended gasp, “Yah, you brat that’s a lie.”

Aria began sliding to the floor, letting her arms go boneless and limp. “You don’t love me!”

Doyoung started to stop with her, trying to hold her up in his arms. “Aria, Aria don’t sit on the floor it’s dirty, get up-”

The music of the other idol groups played quietly through the green room’s speakers, a small television setup in the upper right hand corner allowing the idols inside to monitor the performances outside.

Renjun tossed a half full water bottle over to Jisung, who was sitting on the floor beside the sofa where Jaemin, Jeno and Aria were; all three of them looking elated yet exhausted.

Ridin’ was a choreography heavy dance, and although Aria hadn’t many lines in this particular song, she was still struggling to push through the residual pain in her lower back. She had strained it earlier on in the month, pushing herself too far with too little preparation during rehearsals and was paying the price for it.

Most of Aria’s time in the greenroom before their performance was spent ensuring the other boys that yes, she was ok to perform and no, she wasn’t going to sit this one out.

The boys begrudgingly accepted her protests; but that hadnt stopped Jeno ever-so-carefully tugging her onto the sofa once they returned to the greenroom post-performance, gently pushing her to lie her head down on Jaemin’s lap and bringing her legs up into Jeno’s.

Jisung had wandered over later, eyes stuck to his phone screen but he willingly sacrificed his left hand to hold onto Aria’s when she hissed at the knot Jeno was trying to knead out of her lower back.

Jaemin shushed her softly, running a hand through her hair and untangling strands with his fingers. When Aria’s eyes had clenched shut and a whimper broke out from between her lips, Jeno’s hands froze in their movements, instantly bending closer to whisper apologizes.

“No, no it’s okay,” Aria said, attempting to prop herself up.

Jaemin pressed her back down, her head staying in his lap. “Stop it, let Nono help.”

She knew that there was something more to say, but having awknowledged that their current circumstances were not the best to have such a discussion, he settled for carding a hand through her hair again.

Aria let her eyes drift closed, hand still curled in Jisung’s, and legs pillowed in Jeno’s lap.

Who’s name do you think matches their appearance?

Kun pressed his lips together, thinking.

“Hm, all of the members put a lot of thought into their stage names, so they all fit very well,” he hummed, eyes flickering between the paper and the camera.

He took in a breath, clearly torn.

“Ah!” he exclaimed, looking up to the camera. “Aria, her name fits her really well; Akari is such a beautiful name and it compliments her personality perfectly. She’s really like a fruit sometimes - she’s always cheerful and energetic, like she’s on a constant sugar rush. Very sweet.” the smile that overtook Kun’s features was nothing sort of soft.

He quickly scribbled down Aria’s name in Hangul, before rolling the pen into the middle of his palm and straightening up again.

“Yiyang, is her Chinese name - she asked me to give her one last year. And you shouldn’t listen to Winwin, her full name is Qian Qiuyue, ok?”

Kun was laughing at himself now, picking back up the pen and moving to read the next question.

a/n: i know mr qian kun did NOT just say aria was fruity.

aria nct lgbt sub-unit confirmed

Renjun was sat beside Aria on a single piano stool, shoulders pressed together as she leaned forwards to try and make sense of the notes written on the pages in front of her.

“You know the basics, right?” Renjun questioned, hand coming out to flip forward in the music book a few pages. The single crotchet notes quickly turned into more complex rhythms, and from the side of his vision he could see Aria paling slightly.

He turned his head to look at her, “Riri, c’mon I know you know more than Mary had a Little Lamb, you can’t stay at beginner level forever.”

“Yes I can.” Aria sulked.

Renjun sighed. “You were the one who asked me to teach you.”

“Yes! When I thought it would be easier than this, my fingers just don’t do what they’re meant to do!”

“That’s why I’m here!” Renjun cut off her tirade. “I’m not going to laugh at you if you make mistakes - you’re learning, and everyone makes mistakes when they’re learning.”

“Promise?”

He ruffled her hair slightly, “Promise. Now here, look, this one isn’t difficult you’ll manage this one fine.”

“Injunnie.”

“Mm?”

“-nevermind, okay just. How do I?”

Renjun lifted his hands onto the keys of the piano, showing her the placement of her fingers and getting her to copy him. Aria did so, and then he was running her slowly, step-by-step through the first few bars of the piece, catching her when she played dud notes and clapping softly when she played through without stuttering.

Soon enough, Aria was playing a simplistic but solid melody line with her right hand, basic accompanying chords with her left, and Renjun was staring at the side of her face; head tilted slightly to the left and a small, barely-there proud glint in his eye.

[BUBBLE UPDATE 210205 ]

ARIA~~

czennie

i heard about the tiny horse

do u think they’d let me get one

if i asked nicely??

“Jae, Jae! Jaehyun!” Aria coughed out the older boy’s name, throwing a glare over her shoulder. “If you insist on leaning your entire bodyweight on me, please don’t throttle me in the process.”

The man only sent a weak apologetic grin her way before his feet slid out from underneath him and he was left grappling at the small girl yet again.

“You know when you said you wanted me to teach you ice-skating I didn’t know this was how you were planning on murdering me. If I have to die, I’d rather go out with a bang - ya’know? Not death by groupmate, that’s borinG-” Aria’s voice wobbled as she was pulled yet again.

“Sorry, sorry,” Jaehyun apologized, going so far as to take his hands off her shoulders. “I think I’ve got it now.”

He made it another few steps forward before he was tossed off balance by an eight year old boy rushing past, startling him to the point of jumping backwards.

When Jaehyun’s legs went from underneath him, he flailed his arms in a futile attempt to regain his balance - one of the windmilling arms catching Aria’s extended hands in the process.

Aria let out a shriek as her skates went as well, tumbling backwards. Her head would have made a harsh impact onto the ice - no arms ready to catch her fall - if it wasn’t for Jaehyun’s hand catching the back of her neck and taking the brunt of the impact.

Lying on the ground, Jaehyun coughed out a laugh, Aria staring him down.

All too soon though, Aria joined him in the laughter, head still pillowed on Jaehyun’s arm and the pair of them still lying on their backs on the ice.

“Hello everyone, today I’m with my favourite baby, say hi baby!”

Ten’s grin was audible in his words as he spoke to Aria, who waved before opening her mouth. “Your favourite baby?”

Ten cooed, “Yes, my favourite baby,” while crossing the floor of the practice room to throw his arms around Aria.

He rocked her side to side, pressing kisses to the top of her head.

“And what makes me your favourite? You know Yangie won’t be pleased if he hears he’s been replaced,” Aria lifted her head to look up at Ten.

“You accept the title of my baby, and are therefore my favourite. You don’t fight my love.” Ten shakes her dramatically side to side, mourning the one-sided relationship.

Aria only patted his head in solace. “It’s ok. If it’s any consolation the only reason I don’t fight your hugs is because you’re faster than I am.”

Ten let out a pained gasp. “Betrayed by both my babies. How ever will I survive!”

Aria tried to pry his arms away from her shoulders that were shaking with barely-suppressed laughter, worming her way out from his embrace. Ten only tightened his hold, going limp and dragging her onto the floor.

“No...” Ten cried, “I’m dying...”

Aria’s laughter turned to shrieks when he began to tickle her stomach on the skin that was showing from where her t-shirt had lifted up from the movement.

“No no no no stop Ten, TEN stop I’m sorry I take it back I take it baaack-”

“Say it!” Ten demanded, unrelenting.

“I’m your baby! I’m your baby I’m sorry I’m sorry!” Aria was rolling away from his hands, trying to escape but Ten only turned to lie flat on top of her.

“Exactly.”

a/n: nct world 2.0 gave us so much content of the boys loving aria im :’( smth in the water made aria super cuddly this time around i think she’s after all of their hearts

- aria collecting nct members like pokemon cards

Immediately after Jungwoo’s defeat, Aria sidestepped to behind Lucas where she fisted her hands in his shirt.

“Aria! You’re next!” The presenter called out, and soon all the members in OFN has turned to face her.

She poked her head around to see Yuta standing at the arm wrestling table already, tongue between teeth and grinning at her partially hidden form.

Aria squeaked and ducked back behind Lucas. “Noo,” she moaned, already knowing what was going to happen.

To their credit, Johnny and Jungwoo tried their best to bolster her spirits before she emerged, but Aria still shuffled up to the table with her head tucked down, paying no attention to the calls of support from the boys behind her.

Yuta rolled his sweater sleeve up again, and Aria looked up to meet his eyes.

“Onii-chan~” she tried, biting her lip to stop the laughter from bursting out.

Yuta brought a hand up to his mouth before turning away, eyes wide. Aria could hear the cheers of cute! from her teammates behind her; Yuta’s teammates doing their level best to convince him not to cave under Aria’s widened eyes.

“Onii-chan, you know I’m not very strong,” Aria made sure to heighten her voice’s register a bit, and stuck out her bottom lip, “Can you go easy on me?”

Aria could hear Mark calling out to Yuta to not fall for it.

“Yah!” Aria dropped her voice back to her normal register, yelling out to Mark. “Stop it this is all I have!”

The laughter was heard from across the field from the members in the tents, and Aria was left to sadly shuffle her way closer to the table and interlink her hand with Yuta’s.

He sent her a consoling smile, the referee blew the whistle and then Aria was pushing with all her might against Yuta. Her legs came up like Renjun’s did, face scrunched up with the effort before the back of her hand met the plastic-covered table and Yuta was announced the victor.

He quickly made his way around the table, wrapping Aria in a hug and picking her up to spin her around. Aria only giggled at him, sticking her tongue out at Ten who called Yuta out for fraternizing with the enemy.

Aria knew that a springboard worked off of your downward momentum, so it seemed perfectly logical to assume that if she barreled her bodyweight into the jump, then she would make it high enough to get over the 200cm vault.

She’d made it over the previous heights with varying degrees of success, but the new towering height was throwing her off a bit. Cheers came from both her teammates sitting down beside the mat as well as the other members sitting in the shade.

“Aria! Challenge accepted!” she called out, pumping her fist into the air.

From the corner of her eye, Aria could see Johnny leaning forward with his hands on his knees, watching carefully as she ran up to the springboard. Lucas was in a similar position, was it not for the wide grin he sported.

Beginning her run she tried to use up as much speed as possible, sprinting to the vault before jumping with her feet together onto the springboard and allowing it to propel her up and over the vault.

However what she had failed to account for; was the length of her arms.

Aria made it over the 190cm vault, but her fingertips barely scraped the top and it left her with a choice of either trying to become Superman and face-planting into the mat on the other side, or bringing her legs together prematurely and hope she didn’t lose a leg.

She couldn’t hear the gasps that left everyone’s mouth once her hands missed the top of the vault, missing the way Lucas moved closer to the mat with a jerk forward.

Bringing her legs closed, Aria swung her bodyweight forward and grappled behind her for the vault in a panic. A yelp left her mouth as her hand caught on the rung and she tucked it back into her body when her feet met the edge of the mat.

Unstable, Aria toppled backwards with her hands stretching out behind her again to prevent herself from falling. Her back landed against the vault, and she knocked it over, falling on top of the now-split pieces.

Despite it all, Aria was laughing hysterically, hands coming up to cover her face as she tried to hide her flaming red cheeks. An arm extended to her and she hoisted herself out of the middle of the vault, soon coming to rub at her back.

“Does that count?” Aria could hear the presenters asking should she be disqualified for knocking over the vault even after landing, but she was more concentrated on the hand on her back that was guiding her to her other teammates, all clapping wilding and cheering.

“You okay?” Lucas’ voice came in her ear, laughter but also concern audible in his tone. His hand was still rubbing slowly along her back, soothing the reddened skin underneath the t-shirt she was wearing.

“Yeah I’m fine,” Aria let her head fall forwards as she laughed at the thought of the picture she must have looked, flailing as she barely made it over the vault. “I don’t know if I’ll make it over the next one though.”

“Ah it’s okay. I’ll knock it over too and then I can join you.”

The gate at the back end of the tunnel swung closed with a clang, everyone inside letting out a shout.

Aria, having been standing in front of Johnny, tucked inside his coat while he back hugged her (she wasn’t built for the cold weather, and the denim jacket she wore was doing nothing to save her from hypothermia) let out a yelp and turned her face into Johnny’s chest.

Johnny pushed her behind him slightly as he turned around to look what had happened, and Aria clung to his waist while the others around them furrowed their eyebrows in confusion.

Trapped?

a/n: and a bonus clip bc shes was so CUTE during mtopia i couldnt not

In the emptied dining room, the SuperM members scattered around the different table set ups, searching for the coloured pieces of paper. Taeyong had wandered over to the food counter, while Ten had migrated towards the opposite end of the hall.

Baekhyun could see the other members in various locations; all apart from one.

“Oh? Aria, where did you go?”

The youngest member was no where to be found, and Baekhyun’s question gathered the attention of Taemin and Mark who were standing nearby. Mark tilted his head in a question, eyebrows lifted and then furrowed when he too looked around for the girl and couldn’t find her.

“I’m here!”

Baekhyun let out a small scream, jumping back from the table he was standing beside.

Beneath the tablecloth poked out Aria’s head, a sheepish smile on her face when she realized she’d scared her leader.

“I thought there might be some clues underneath, so I wanted to check.” she explained, slowly shuffling out from underneath the table.

“Baekhyun hyung did she scare you?” Jongin teased, as Taemin cooed over the adorable picture Aria made as she straightened up and brushed off the dust from her skirt.

Baekhyun floundered, spluttering “What? No! I don’t get scared.”

He puffed out his chest theatrically.

“Sorry oppa, I didn’t mean to scare you~” Aria said through suppressed laughter, coming over to hug him around the waist.

Baekhyun deflated slighty, “Ah, it’s okay,” he grumbled, petting her hair.

thank you for watching ! - haechanieski

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janiedean · 3 years

Text

more of the tyrion/sansa mortician/hairdresser saga

cc @meri-vaahtoaa HAVE YOUR EXTRA DOSE OF IT U___U I HOPE IT’S TO YOUR TASTE U__U

sequel to this fic here, warning for... well, an embalming happens offscreen and no one is very sympathetic towards the dear deceased aka littlefinger I guess X°D *drops and crashes*

Thing is, Tyrion had absolutely planned to go back to Sansa Stark’s shop. He had been bracing up to see her again and if he caught himself glancing at his hair in the mirror more than usual, well, can you blame him, since he actually likes it for the first time in his life?

And then he sees her again a whole week after he walked into her shop, at his damned internship, with her mother, because -

“See,” the woman — how did she introduce herself, Catelyn, yes, Catelyn, “my sister should have been here but — she didn’t take her husband’s death that well.”

“I’m sorry to hear it,” his boss, Oberyn, says with all the professionally he doesn’t usually have when off the clock.

“Oh, don’t bother,” Catelyn goes on as Sansa notices him standing behind Oberyn and tentatively waves — he waves back —, “I mean, let’s just say that, uh. I… didn’t have a great relationship with him and my husband loathed him, and in between us he poisoned her against the entire family, so it’s not like anyone was that sad about his passing, but anyway. What I meant, if it was for me I’d have just told you that we’d do a closed casket funeral, but my sister is really adamant that it’s not, so I suppose that he’ll need to be embalmed.”

“You don’t sound too happy about it,” Oberyn says.

“I don’t know,” Catelyn replies, “I find it kind of creepy. Anyway, I absolutely don’t want to pay extra for the coffin, so —”

“I think,” Oberyn says, “that maybe I should show you what options you have making sure you’re aware of the cheapest ones, and my apprentice over there can start having a look at the corpse? Actually, Tyrion?”

“Yes?”

“I think you can handle embalming this one corpse, it’s not the kind you have to completely reconstruct from scratch and it could be a good exercise. That good?”

“Uh, of course —”

“Then — Mrs. Stark, if you’d follow me?”

Catelyn does and he’s left alone with Sansa.

“How interesting,” she says, “I had no idea this was where you worked.”

“I didn’t tell you now, did I?”

“No, but — well, they’re kind of — I mean, I wouldn’t want to say friends but we’ve come here for anyone who died in the family? I think, at least. Anyway, honestly, no one except my aunt liked Uncle Peter. You can relax when you work on him.”

“Well,” he laughs nervously, “at least when I come to your shop before my final I’ll have had a lot of practice, thanks to him. But — well. I should be done tomorrow morning at latest, isn’t the wake tomorrow afternoon?”

“Oh, yes,” Sansa says. “I’ll see you then, I suppose.”

Then she winks and goes to join her mother.

Well.

Time to go check on his first corpse, Tyrion thinks, and heads for the embalming room downstairs.

— —

Indeed, Mr. Baelish died of a sudden heart attack, which means that while his face is still half-contorted in a not exactly pleasurable expression, it’s not the kind of body you have to manually reconstruct. He only starts on it the next morning, no point in doing it a day before the actual wake, and he’s done in two hours, early enough to dress the body in the suit his wife sent over — extremely pricey, coming from money Tyrion can see that, but also exceedingly black and he’s not even sure it looks good on the man, but what does he know and what does he care? He’s just placed the eyecaps under the man’s eyelids when someone knocks.

“It’s open,” he says, and — “Sansa?” He blurts as she tiptoes into the room.

“Yeah,” she says, sheepishly, “I asked Mr. Martell if I could come say hi to you. Uh, I see you really pumped him full of carcinogen?”

Tyrion snorts. “Well, yes. Gotten the blood out, got all the right fluid in, made sure to un-set rigor mortis and so on.”

“For what it’s worth,” she says, “it looks like you are cut for this job. Sure, his hair doesn’t have the best cut, but — well. He kind of always looked at me creepy, so I never offered a free cut and I’m not going to start now. Will you be at the wake, just for science?”

“Yeah,” Tyrion nods, “that’s… I mean. I could not be, I’m not an official employee, but.”

“But?”

He figures he might as well go and say it. She did say she was going to put a move on him, didn’t she?

“But,” he says, “I understood you will be and I’d quite like to see you again.”

“Oh,” she smiles, delighted, “then by all means. Do come to the wake. I’m actually looking forward to it, now.”

Then she waves at him and leaves the room.

Tyrion is not going to faint and fall off his damned chair. He does have a dignity.

— —

“Heads up,” Oberyn tells him later, as they ready the room for people to walk inside in half an hour, “I absolutely do forbid actual employees from being unprofessional on the job, but you aren’t an official employee.”

“… Was — why are you telling me this?” Tyrion blurts.

“Because I’ve seen how Miss Stark looks at you and how you look back at her,” he shrugs, “and I certainly won’t begrudge you for being unprofessional, if you choose to be.”

Then he winks, too.

God.

God, has he just said Tyrion could —

He did.

Oh, from the way he’s grinning, it’s obvious he did.

Fuck.

He thinks he needs a moment or fifteen. And he could do with a drink, but — yeah. Not now.

Still —

He has no idea what’s going to happen the moment this wake begins, but he’s actually kind of fucking looking forward to it.

What the hell is his life, he wonders, and then the first people start knocking — early, of course — and he schools his face into a semblance of professionalism.

Or at least he tries to.

— —

“Well,” Sansa says one hour later, “this certainly has been something.”

Considering that her aunt broke down in tears over Mr. Baelish’s casket, then her son also broke out in tears because she was miserable and she was ignoring him, then he started screaming about how much he always hated Mr. Baelish anyway, then the aunt lost her shit at him and Oberyn had to calm her down, then some of Mr. Baelish’s friends were adamant in saying that he certainly had never tried to fuck with not paying his taxes which apparently Ned Stark is absolutely sure of and that turned also into a half-fight and then the aunt started arguing with Mrs. Stark about how the casket was too cheap for such a wonderful man and Tyrion is nowhere near sure it’s over yet…

“It has,” Tyrion says, wishing he could have a beer like most of the guys in this room, but technically he’s on the clock. Now that wouldn’t look very good, if anyone noticed, and honestly, he doesn’t want to get noticed by anyone else. “Also, I hope this doesn’t mean i can’t come get my hair done in three days.”

“Of course,” Sansa smiles, “I’d be delighted to have you. I did have plans, for when you did come.”

“Oh,” Tyrion feigns, “did you?”

“Maybe,” she replies, slowly, looking down at him, “if your employer has a storage room, I could show you some of them?”

“Well,” he says, “I don’t have a storage room, but.” He nods towards the stairs going down.

He’s kind of sure she’ll say no, and of course she wouldn’t, he just asked —

“Actually,” she grins, “lead the way.”

He swallows.

He does.

— —

Two minutes later, he’s sitting on the stool he used during the embalming process and he has his hands on Sansa’s face as she leans down slightly and she crashes her mouth against his, kissing him hard, her fingers grasping at his hair and tugging at it and he groans back into her mouth, his tongue slipping inside it, and she moans and —

“Well,” she says, “I absolutely don’t regret it.”

“Oh, you don’t?”

“You kiss really well,” she replies, and dives in again, her tongue moving against his, curling gently and tracing his teeth before she kisses him harder, and fuck but she knows what she wants and it’s just making him want to tug her closer and so he does and —

“Just so you know,” he breathes when they part, “Oberyn informed me I can be as unprofessional as I like until he’s not paying me for my services.”

“Does it mean we can do this while they fight their way through the wake?” Sansa grins.

“Yeah,” he says, “yeah, we can.”

“Splendid,” she smiles wider, and then her mouth is on his own again and Tyrion isn’t going to give a single fuck about the fact that he just kissed her in the damned embalming room.

He can tell her the cool facts about it later, he supposes, and then proceeds on kissing her again and again and again, ignoring the mess upstairs.

Honestly, if this is how his internship is starting, he thinks he’s going to enjoy this job a lot —

Though not as much as he’s enjoying the moment right now. Not at all.

End.

#sanrion #tyrion lannister #sansa stark #my fic #sansa x tyrion #god it's so fucking hot it took me DAYS to manage this but #*DROPS AND RUNS*

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sometipsygnostalgic · 3 years

Note

What are your thoughts on Star V.S The Forces Of Evil?

I used to follow this show back when it was airing. I had a friend who was absolutely obsessed with StarCo.

Said friend just became super depressed at the finale and stopped talking to us because of it.

Everyone knows the finale of this show is a bit of a dumpster fire. However, the most popular vloggers - such as Blue Order - say that ships like TomStar were "clearly being built up to". This is wrong. The show was clearly baiting StarCo the whole time. It would have impressed me if it actually subverted StarCo but alas we need our series-long-slow-burn-to-finale-kiss :/

i guess they didnt actually kiss in the finale they kissed before then on top of some pigs, which is... better? but

imagine an au where there were a couple for like an entire season or two and we got to see them be a pair ala finn x flame princess, which imo is still one of the best teen relationships ever portrayed on television, realistically awkward and honest and flawed.

i think it was starco which cemented my idea that series finale pairings are bland hetero bullshit. though harry potter movie 8 certainly helped.

I think the point where the fatigue REALLY hit is when they were acting like Tom and Star would get together, then there was Marco and Kelly, and suddenly Marco and Kelly brOKE UP OFFSCREEN and Kelly was written out of the show entirely during the Cleave. Stuck in her own universe. Holy shit. Tom was as well, if I recall? I can't remember where he ended up.

anyway enough about shipping, time for the actual plot.

the first season is a bit agonizing. it has its fun moments but it's mid to low tier. it's commonly agreed that the show peaks at the Toffee storyline, and I totally agree here, there's enough going on emotionally - especially with poor Moon, and when Marco punches Toffee - while still being small scale enough to feel personal. i am also SUPER crazy for the use of dark magic in these early seasons, like the Whispering Spell, or the curse that Eclipsa taught Moon. It was nice that you have these magical girls but not all their magic is light, some of it is very grim.

i found Eclipsa's storyline mostly interesting, but largely wasted potential. I didn't feel like Eclipsa becoming queen was a natural conclusion, since she doesn't WANT to be queen. She wants to run away with her monster husband! To make a comparison, in Adventure Time, an AU in the comics has Marceline become a Queen alongside Bubblegum, but the show itself heavily implies Bubblegum eventually steps down to live her best life with Marceline, and I think the latter is far more fitting. Eclipsa is even closer to Marceline in this regard! I still think Star was a more fitting Queen, even if Eclipsa was the rightful heir, and I was sure season 4 was building to her just giving the throne to Star (before it was eventually destroyed... or not? i don't know).

The whole stuff with Mina in the final season... the thing is, the story wanted us to be invested in the Monsters vs Mewmans war, but spent absolutely no time with any relatable/likable monsters. It just assumed we would automatically be invested in the Right Thing, because Star is, but Star is just an aristocratic ally. She's great and all, and I think the arc she goes through is genuinely good as a maturity storyline, but Star agonizing over all the monsters being discriminated or leaving, it was not fun. The Mewmans themselves were so annoying and agonizingly narrowminded anyway, it’s not like this was a conflict we cared about.

What I found somewhat ballsy, politically interesting even, was the episode with Moon and the Mewmans who had either been displaced after Eclipsa gave the monsters back their homes, or who left just because they felt uncomfortable with monsters being around. The episode makes it very clear that the Mewmans are largely bigoted assholes, but they're also people, and some of the reparations under Eclipsa actually hurt them. Like a family whose home they had for generations got returned. It's not the fault of the Monsters, it's the fault of Solaris and the kingdom leadership for invading the monster homes and putting Mewmans into it, rather than working on solving the problems within her own kingdom.

As a result, even though Moon has not made any political statements against Eclipsa, she finds herself surrounded by a bubble of displaced or agitated Mewmans who do not want to integrate with monsters, and as the former Queen, she feels it is her responsibility to look out for these idiots. But what makes her different from Star is that Moon herself has a hatred of monsters, especially because of what Toffee did to her family ( yet it turns out Toffee only existed BECAUSE of her family). So Moon hasn't decided what she thinks is right, and has a pseudo nation forming around her, while Star has already set her mind on doing the right thing but is losing a lot of allies over it. This episode made the world feel more alive to me!

Unfortunately the way this arc was concluded was aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa. Namely, whatever the fuck Moon did with bringing the Solaris soldiers to life (WHY??? WHY WOULD SHE EVER DO THAT? SHE WOULD NEVER RISK STAR GETTING KILLED), versus the whole "destruction of magic" (WHAT), and finally the Cleave????????????

Because fusing the two worlds together is clearly the best solution, anyway don't mind that we literally destroyed all magic for some reason, only the magical beings you dont care about died or got debiliated (which makes no sense but whatever).

Overall a decent show mired by romance nonsense and by a misguided attempt at politics for two groups that nobody gives a shit about.

#star vs the forces of evil

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lovelylogans · 3 years

Text

the himbo chronicles

part i | part ii

part of the wyliwf verse.

warnings: kissing, underage drinking, kissing with consent while under the influence, please let me know if i’ve missed anything else!

pairings: roman/logan, offscreen patton/virgil

word count: 8,877

notes: i simply could not resist writing about these good good boys for a moment longer. i love them. this work takes place in the late summer/early fall between logan’s freshman and sophomore year of college, or almost four years after the main storyline. if you need a quick rundown of the characters (i know seven new characters might be a lot to digest!) here’s a quick guide to each of the boys. please enjoy!

⁂

one had a certain expectation when it came to many college-aged boys living in the same house together. partying. general revelry. chaos. messy surroundings. the loud blaring of video games. more than just a touch of hedonism, certainly.

logan sanders is a rather atypical college-aged boy. in his past reveries when considering college, he'd thought of the libraries he'd spend hours in, the books he'd pore over, the professors that would come to mentor him. perhaps the occasional errant thought of a party he'd be dragged to, but then his brain had moved to college newspapers and their framing on pieces when it came to excessive drinking and how to interview fraternity presidents concerning their unsettling hazing rituals.

during his senior year, a fair amount of his fretting had transitioned into how to handle the distance from his father, patton, and pseudo-father, virgil, back home in sideshire, which proved itself solved quite handily; yale is close enough that it's not even a notably long drive. the other worrisome part, though, were how to visit his long-term boyfriend, roman, who was no longer even in the same state. but they'd made it work, over the past year, and logan is currently sitting in an armchair he'd dragged over to the front window of the house, trying and miserably failing to pay attention to some of his class reading.

once he'd gotten to college, though, those social expectations for the rest of his peers had certainly been proven, if simply by virtue of examining the rest of his classmates. his life, however, seems ill-contented to have left it at that; he can safely say that his social circle is not entirely like he'd expected his college friends to be.

for instance, as he hears the creaking of the old wood floors behind him—

"if you start making fun of me for waiting by the window for roman again i will take points from your good noodle chart," logan threatens, and adam scampers off with barely-contained snickering.

he had not expected to have to say that sentence during his college years at all.

there's a hastily-stifled laugh, and logan swivels around to see jordan, who is certainly paying very studious attention to his own class reading.

logan's eyes narrow at him.

"you usually study in the kitchen," logan says, just barely keeping an accusing tone out of his voice.

"more natural light in here," jordan says, nodding to the window, his lip caught between his teeth.

logan scowls.

"...okay," jordan relents, "and—"

"i knew it."

"c'mon, none of us have met him before!" jordan protests, even as logan is calculating the chances of being able to kick jordan out of here. they are not particularly good; he can hear andrew, derek, and edward loudly talking about their SQUH-SQUH-SQUH SQUAT CHALLEEEEEENGE! in the living room, which is open to the kitchen. the counting of the squats they can do is very noisy, not even factoring in the trash-talk.

"privacy would be appreciated," logan says.

"in this house?" jordan says skeptically, which is a fair point; there are nine of them crammed into five rooms. logan's room is technically a single only by virtue of it being an attic that can barely fit a lofted bed with a desk and a dresser warring for space underneath. logan is fairly certain that janus's shared room with matthew in the basement was never intended for long-term human habitation, either.

"i knew i should have met him at the station," logan says, ruffling the pages of his book.

"is logan talking about us?" matthew shouts from the living room. his feet pound against the hardwood as he poked his red head around the corner, his eyes going as teasingly pleading as jordan's. "you're not gonna make us miss meeting our step-daddy, are you, mom?"

the "mom" thing is somewhat new, too, and also an aspect of college life that logan had not foreseen. perhaps logan should have seen it coming when he started instituting a chore chart and a chart for good behavior with plastic dinosaur toys as rewards. for reasons that elude him, the boys named it the "good noodle" chart.

he had mostly started the chart after what might have been a joke from janus, in retrospect, but he certainly isn't going to stop now, not when it's been proven to be so effective.

what he says instead of respond to matthew's question is "have you finished the dishes?"

matthew hesitates, looking back over his shoulder to the countertops.

"...yyeesss...?"

logan arches an eyebrow at him. "if i walk in there, will there be dishes in the sink?"

matthew attempts to model his eyes after jordan, widening them and trying to look innocent. he isn't as gifted at it.

"it would be a shame if you had to be demoted on the good noodle chart because you didn't finish your chores and—" he glances at a notecard— "chirped me about roman."

a pause.

"was that accurate?" logan says. "is it 'chirped?'"

"cory!" matthew bellows over his shoulder.

"yeah?" cory shouts back.

"hockey trash-talk is chirping, right?"

"yeah!"

"thank you!" matthew shouts back and turns to face logan. "yeah, it's chirping."

"hockey," logan mutters, scrawling this onto the notecard. the influx of sports-related slang to his notecards is another unforeseen aspect of college life. "it's hockey-specific, that's what i was missing."

a beat.

"the sooner you can get them done you can pass it to the next person on the chart. do the dishes," logan adds severely, and matthew stumps off to the kitchen, grumbling something under his breath that sounds a lot like “ugh, mom.”

say what one will about the good noodle chart—it certainly is a successful motivator.

perhaps the plastic bag full of dozens of mini bubble-wands that the boys saw logan receive in the mail this week is doing more of the persuasion rather than the necessity of the chores, or logan himself, but it works.

“logan?”

“hmm?” logan says, distracted by wondering if derek vacuumed the living room or if he dragged around a dining chair make lines in the carpet again.

jordan, grinning, nods to the window, and logan whips his head around just in time to see a taxi pull into the driveway.

the sudden surge of excitement and happiness and eagerness is enough to make him stand up, because roman is right there, logan can distantly see him in a red shirt in the back of the taxi. logan hastily tosses his book onto the nearest table and goes for the front door as quickly as he can without running outright.

by the time he is near enough to roman to see the details of how he’s styled his hair that day, a piece of lint on his shoulder, the way he’s slung his bag on his shoulder, he’s paying the taxi driver.

he turns around to face logan, and logan loses his breath.

god he’s so handsome.

logan doesn’t know if it’s a month’s absence, or if roman has indeed grown more beautiful by the day, but roman is so lovely. his skin glows in the late summer sun, grinning at logan wide and bright, and logan can’t stand there and drink in the sight of him, chronicling every single miniscule difference that he can, because roman grabs logan in a hug, pulling him close.

logan wraps his arms around roman as tight as he can, burying his face into roman’s shoulder and inhaling; the familiar scent of his cologne, his floral body wash, the gel he uses in his hair.

“i missed you,” roman whispers, breath warm against logan’s ear.

“me too,” logan mumbles, squeezing him tighter. usually, roman hugs him even tighter back, but today, he falters.

“um.”

logan pulls back enough to see the quizzical look on roman’s face. roman nods at something behind him.

“i think we have a bit of an audience.”

logan glances back over his shoulder in time to see all seven of the boys—plus a peek of janus in the back, surely egging on the chaos—jostling for the best view at the window where logan had just been keeping vigil.

“it’s not too late to call the taxi back and go somewhere private,” logan says, turning to face roman again. “i could show you the library.”

roman grins at him. “are you kidding? i’ve wanted to see if you were exaggerating about them for ages.”

logan scoffs. “as if i’m the one prone to exaggeration in this relationship.”

roman’s grin widens, the corners of his eyes crinkling up. “fuck, i’ve missed you so bad.”

what else can logan do but pull roman in by the waist and kiss him?

even muffled by the closed door and the thick glass of the window, logan can hear the boys hooting and hollering and yelling “GET IT, MOM!!!” and “ow OW!” and roman laughs against logan’s lips.

logan smiles into the kiss, and he thinks that roman’s weekend visit probably couldn’t have gotten off to a better start if he’d tried.

⁂

the first thing that someone says when logan and roman walk into the front door is “what the FUCK, mom, you didn’t tell us he was HOT!”

roman swivels to face logan, offended.

“of course i think he’s hot,” logan says, bemused. “i’m dating him. he’s obviously my type.”

“yeah, but,” adam says, and he gestures to roman’s body at whole. “he’s fucking hot, though.”

there’s a rumbling of agreement from the other boys—sans janus, who has obviously met roman before—and roman immediately preens at the attention.

because roman is undoubtedly hot. his brown skin is glowing—logan has seen him wearing facemasks on their video calls enough times that he knows it’s not incidentally clear, perfect skin—and he’s maybe not quite as bulkily built as, say, derek, who can pick up logan and janus simultaneously without breaking a sweat, but roman is strong by virtue of his profession and it shows.

“thanks,” roman says, grinning.

“i mean,” adam adds hastily, “all respect to you and logan, i mean this in, like, the bros-appreciating-bros way, not the i’m trying to steal your man way.”

“i figured,” logan says dryly, considering that adam, notably lacking in a sense of impulse control, has never offered any romantic inclination towards men before.

“well, roman, this is—everyone,” logan says, and points at each housemate as he says their name.

“adam rothschild—”

“hi,” adam adds belatedly.

“—matthew van doren—”

“'sup,” matthew says, with an upward nod of his red head.

“—cory hollingsworth—”

cory flashes a peace sign from where he stands beside janus.

“—jordan arlington—”

“nice to meet you, man, logan’s been looking forward to this for fuckin’ ever,” jordan says.

logan, refusing to blush, continues with, “edward morton—”

“shalom, bro,” he says.

“—andrew de loughrey—”

“hey, dude.”

“—derek carmichael, and you remember janus, of course.”

“nice to finally meet you all,” roman says, an arm wrapped comfortably around logan’s waist.

“you’re fucking yoked, bro,” derek says, appreciative. “what does your leg day look like? your quads are insane.”

“thanks, man,” roman says, extending a denim-clad leg with all of his typical grace. his legs are insane, to be fair. “part of the job—has logan mentioned i’m a ballet dancer?”

there’s a chorus of agreement, and so as they relocate, unspoken, to the living room. all of the other boys listen to some of the exercises roman discusses, and roman offers demonstrations of barre warm-ups upon request, his hand on the kitchen island, to great enthusiasm.

logan probably should have guessed that hearing about the workout regimen of a ballet dancer would go a long way in convincing this house full of “jocks” that roman was worthy of their adoptive, same-age mother. he’s pleased that by the time this line of conversation is winding down, it has been proven to be a very effective icebreaker.

even if he is a little grumpy to lose the warmth of roman’s hand where it had been resting on his knee.

however, once that conversation does trail off, logan gets to his feet.

“how about i take you on a tour of the house? i can show you my room.”

“ooh, mom, get it,” andrew says, to great whooping and a wolf-whistle which elicits more laughter from the other boys.

“remember, house rule, sock on the doorknob!” says someone who can surely only be adam.

“i’m making a bad noodle chart now,” logan says, attempting to fight the blush that’s surely creeping onto his face, “all of you have been demoted to the bad noodle chart.”

roman reaches out and takes logan’s hand. “you actually have a noodle chart? i thought you were kidding.”

“i am not kidding,” logan says sourly, directing a glare toward the boys.

jordan, mercifully, provides a very handy distraction by order of shouting out “MARIO KART TOURNAMENT I CALL ROSALINA,” which immediately descends into chaos as the boys fight over who gets peach, or yoshi, or else fighting over their “lucky” switch controllers.

janus meets eyes with logan, rolls his eyes, and promptly siddles his way into one of the four coveted spots to play as wario. somehow janus never has to engage in this arguing, even though logan, the house mother, has to fight with the boys to get to play with isabelle—

whatever. it’s fine. as adam launches himself at jordan to literally wrestle him to the ground for the honor of playing as rosalina, logan takes advantage of this to slip further into the kitchen with roman.

“we could probably make a getaway attempt now, it would be an ideal time,” logan says, a touch anxious; this is roman’s first time meeting the boys, and logan knows better than most people that being in the (boys-and-janus-dubbed) himbo house can be overwhelming.

“no way,” roman says warmly, squeezing logan’s hand, and logan’s heart flutters in its chest. “show me the rest of the house, c’mon.”

logan shows roman the good noodle chart in its place of pride in the kitchen, taking a moment to detract a gold star sticker from adam for tackling jordan, writing unnecessary violence (mario kart) on the line beneath specifically meant for the reason for the latest detraction in red dry-erase marker.

he adds a star for jordan without writing exactly why.

roman takes a moment to survey the chart and immediately barks with laughter at the bottom line.

“don’t,” logan grumbles.

“but c’mon!” roman says, delightedly pointing at the section of the chart that has special microscope stickers instead of gold stars.

it says logan workaholism

and then, in different handwriting and a different colored marker, (and drunk shenanigans).

“yes, well, you’ve seen the chart now,” logan says evasively, tugging roman along, and roman follows with a smile on his face that’s a bit too big for logan’s liking.

logan hadn’t even been on the chart. but no, he listened to adam’s recommendation for a drink one time (he should have realized that would turn out to be a horrible idea) and now he was on the good noodle chart, specifically so they could detract a sticker. he shouldn’t be on the chart, he runs it!

he still has the most stickers of anyone, though, so there.

logan shows roman their kitchen, which is more well-stocked than one would expect a stereotypical a college kitchen to be. there’s two mini-fridges so that edward can keep kosher. within the normal fridge, and in the cabinets, there’s an overwhelming supply of protein bars, shakes, and powders, in addition to plenty of fruits and vegetables.

he slips with roman up the stairs, unnoticed by everyone screaming at the four lucky players of the first leg of the mario kart tournament. from a glance at their ridiculously oversized flat screen, janus seems to be swiftly overtaking the lead due to taking advantage of a secret passage.

logan gestures vaguely to the rooms leading off the landing, telling roman who occupied which, as well as the communal bathrooms, but as there are no common spaces on either of the floors that roman has not already seen, he essentially leads roman straight up to the attic.

his room.

he tentatively opens the door for roman to look in and behold it, which roman immediately does.

logan’s lofted bed is crammed against the wall that divides the attic at the apex of the roof, as the opposite wall slants with the angle of the roof. everything is lit by the window opposite the door; logan debates flicking on the overhead light, and decides against it. the afternoon sun does just fine.

logan’s bed is made, his indigo duvet tucked neatly over his white sheets. his desk is pushed beneath the bed, with his laptop, a notebook, and a mug from remy’s café full of pens resting on it, the shelves above the desk that the boys had helped logan install nearly toppling under the weight of all their books. logan’s backpack sits in his desk chair, logan’s dresser shut. the rest of the floorspace is overtaken by a comfy rug and a pitiful excuse for a beanbag chair, which roman promptly sits on, wiggling to get comfortable.

“i like it,” he proclaims. “it’s cozy.”

logan tries to smile at him. the room is cramped and logan knows it.

all the other occupants of the house come from, to put it in plain terms, the same world of wealth and status that his grandparents occupy. as a matter of fact, his grandparents had been incredibly pleased that logan’s roommates had been “up to snuff,” a roundabout way of saying they’re of an appropriate caliber for our ivy-leaguer grandson.

logan knows that it was no coincidence that his roommates offered him his “cozy” room and therefore a lower amount for rent, all of them reasoning that as he had the smallest and least convenient room and if he was not there to supervise the house would surely explode, as part of this offer was surely due to the fact that they knew that his budget did not stretch as far as theirs did.

for one, he is the only roommate with a job. for another, he is the only one who knows how to budget.

well, janus would likely be able to figure it out, but he’s never needed to, which is the point.

derek hadn’t even recognized what “those little slips of paper” in logan’s hands were when logan attempted to discreetly coupon during a grocery outing.

educating them on what coupons were was... an experience, to be sure.

logan’s musings are interrupted when roman takes hold of his hand and gently tugs at logan. logan obligingly sinks onto the ground to join him, settling practically on roman’s lap.

“hey,” roman says, voice husky.

“hi,” logan says, in a tone that strikes him as strangely shy.

roman reaches out and makes a grabby hand, to which logan rolls his eyes and settles more decisively on roman’s lap, unable to keep the smile off his face, which roman can surely see, given the way that logan is now directly facing him.

“better?”

“much, thank you,” roman says graciously, settling his hands at logan’s waist and gently squeezing.

“i must agree,” logan says, resting his hands on roman’s shoulders and squeezing back. roman offers him a slanted smile.

“love, what a long way, to arrive at a kiss,” roman says, pausing to pick logan’s hand off his shoulder and press a kiss to his palm, achingly soft, “what loneliness-in-motion, toward your company!”

“you can’t just quote neruda off the bat, it isn’t fair,” logan complains, despite the fact that his heart has been sent aflutter, but he is cut off when roman’s lips meet his.

oh, how logan’s missed this. he’s familiar with the pressure of roman’s lips against his, the warmth and breadth of roman’s hands wrapping around him, the way logan’s hands fit perfectly on roman’s shoulders, and missing it has been like an ache.

languid, unhurried afternoons in the summers by the town’s lake; inexperienced hands slipping up shirts in their childhood bedrooms; illicit kisses in the gazebo when they were both meant to be at home; his memories seemed to pale in comparison to having the real thing, right now. roman’s heartbeat and the rush of logan’s pulse in his own ears and the sweet, perfect slide of their mouths. they break to breathe, staying forehead-to-forehead.

“but you and i, love,” logan murmurs, “we are together, from our clothes down to our roots: in the autumn, in water, in hips, until we are together—only you, only me.”

“you skipped a few lines,” roman teases.

“i editorialized,” logan says. “taltal is not particularly applicable to our situation, is it?”

“and i suppose it isn’t raining,” roman says, mock-thoughtfully. logan smiles and leans in for more.

roman responds, sliding his hands down logan’s back and eventually coming to grip at logan’s thighs, and logan arches into the touch—

—"ow!”

—and logan leans back, careful to avoid the slant of the roof he’d just hit his head against, putting a hand on where his head throbs in complaint.

“oh, i’m sorry!” roman says frantically. “i’m so sorry, c’mere, c’mere, let me look—”

“it was just a bump, it’s not so bad,” logan says, but he squirms and twists so that roman can see the point of impact.

roman cautiously runs his fingers through logan’s hair, paying close attention, and gently presses his fingers down. logan winces.

“tender?”

“a bit.”

“i’m sorry,” roman repeats, now running his fingers through logan’s hair, careful to keep his touch light.

“i hit my head getting out of bed and getting up from my desk for a full week before i got used to the angle,” logan says with a shrug. “kissing you is the most pleasurable way this could have happened.”

“well, now, still don’t like that clever little brain of yours getting bumped around,” roman says, frowning.

logan points to where, at this angle, roman can see the protective pool noodle secured to protect himself from hitting his head against his bed while standing up from the bed. janus had cut it for him with an exacto knife. logan is unsure where janus keeps this exacto knife. he hopes it’s hidden somewhere safe; sharp implements were just asking for trouble in this household.

“better now,” logan says, then, when roman’s still frowning, “i’m used to it, really. and besides, i’m the second-shortest in the house; no one else would take this room. well, janus would be the only other person who wouldn’t be constantly hitting his head, but i think he prefers the basement.”

“like an evil lair,” roman grumbles.

“precisely what he said,” logan says dryly. “can you imagine derek in here?”

they both take a moment to imagine derek, who stands at six feet and seven inches tall, slouched over at most points of the room.

“yeah, that’d be a bit of a tight squeeze,” roman acknowledges.

“besides,” logan says. “there are plenty of ways to be comfortable.”

he adjusts to sit on the comfy, fluffy rug—bought specifically for floor-sitting in mind—and pulls roman along. roman, getting the idea, moves the beanbag to use as a pillow, and lies back against it. logan curls up on the ground with him, resting his head over roman’s heart.

roman takes a moment to switch to scratching his fingernails against logan’s scalp, and logan tries not to shudder with pleasure too obviously.

“i like it in here,” logan says. “i like that i can go out of the window to sit on the roof, if i wanted. i like that i have the clearest view of the night sky. i like that i have a single room. and—”

he points to the side of the rafters that would not be visible to someone standing in the doorway of the room; only from within it are the stick-on, glow-in-the-dark stars surrounding the photographs of logan’s loved ones are visible. the one most visible from here is himself and roman eating lucy’s at the winterfest where they had their first kiss.

“—i like that there are unique decorating ideas i could only put into function in this room.��

roman kisses logan’s head, and, with that, curled up together on logan’s bedroom floor, they start talking about everything and nothing at all, and logan’s heart feels full and fit to burst with happiness.

⁂

look. matt’s fully aware that he’s cynical about love. it’s a bit hard not to when, growing up, his primary example of love was his dad and his revolving door of brides.

he’s pretty sure he’s on stepmom number eight, by now, he isn’t really sure, he hasn’t met the latest one.

(dad scheduled the wedding during peak crew season and matt’s dad, a yale alum himself, is all proud about him being on the team of the first rowing club formed at an american college. so matt didn’t go and his dad might have just assumed he had a regatta then. whatever. matt isn’t too fussed about it, seriously. he thinks her name might be tina? tara? fuck, he should probably work that out before thanksgiving break, shouldn’t he.)

(wait. goddammit. the last girlfriend was trisha. did he end up marrying trisha? he thought his dad dumped trisha because trisha got pissed at him for doing something in a dream of hers. fuck he seriously needs to do some googling before thanksgiving break.)

(wait. shit. it was tori who did the dream thing, because she was super into the astrology-dream-palm reading deal and she’d tried to figure out matt’s birth chart, so now he can flex that he knows he’s a leo sun taurus moon sagittarius rising to the girls he tries to pick up. that happened years ago, god damn it, who the fuck is his dad married to right now?!)

ANYWAYS. he doesn’t really have an optimistic view of love, especially at their age. so back when he’d first been getting to know logan, he’d been pretty surprised to hear that logan had a long-term boyfriend. logan didn’t really seem like the stereotypical college kid clinging to their high school sweetheart, like, at all.

there had been a girl on his floor freshman year who woke up half the dorm during her kicking-and-screaming fight with her high school boyfriend that she’d tried to long-distance with and ended up dumping after a month. he’d kind of been expecting to hear that logan was going to break up with his boyfriend, because, like, how many childhood sweethearts actually make it?

but no, no screaming fights for logan—honestly, matt’s pretty sure if he heard logan actually yell it would be the scariest thing ever—and now the boyfriend is here.

who is, like, not exactly what matt had expected? he’d thought roman would maybe be a copy of logan, someone else crazy smart and crazy dedicated to school, and, in the kindest way possible, a major nerd.

roman seems... cool.

like, first of all, he’d immediately understood and talked training routines with the rest of the house, which, like, respect to logan, who goes on runs and keeps his shit pretty tight, but he isn’t exactly the most gym-rat kind of dude.

roman’s routine sounded really interesting. matt’s got pretty good legs himself—you kind of have to, to be on the rowing team—but roman’s calves and quads and glutes look unreal. man could probably beat them all in a squat challenge tournament without breaking a sweat.

also, logan keeps himself looking like a eighteen-year-old tax accountant, with his polo and tie, but roman is dressed, like, suave. casual enough, sure,but his short-sleeved button down shirt looked like it was made of silk or satin or some fancy shit like that. it’s unbuttoned to show off the gold necklace he’s wearing. he’s wearing dark jeans at the exact right place on his waist.

logan has not exactly stepped into “going out” clothes, except for like combing his hair and wearing blue jeans. they’re going the pub that logan invariably picks on the rare nights he goes out with the rest of them—a coffee shop by day, a bar by night, and very unfancy.

logan is absently fixing roman’s collar so it sits straight as roman examines himself in his phone’s camera to check out his reflection. he flashes a smile toward logan in thanks.

logan smiles at him, something in his eyes going soft that matt’s never seen him do before, and—

and, okay, if anyone he knows is smart enough to figure out how love works this early on, it would probably be logan.

⁂

"you sure, bro?” andrew says, leaning against the open car door, not yet sliding into edward’s bmw. “’cause i can dd this time, i think it’s my turn anyway—”

edward’s already shaking his head. “shabbat’s tomorrow, dude. gotta get up early to go to temple anyway, gramps would derail the whole service if i turned up hungover.”

andrew shrugs. “if you’re sure,” he says, and at last he slides into the car that is absolutely filled up with people over the legal capacity.

usually, logan picks a fit about this, talking about things like seatbelts, but right now he’s perched on his boyfriend’s lap and doesn’t seem to mind at all.

janus, sitting beside them in the very back, is eyeing them like he’s ready to start elbowing them if they get too lovey. which like. logan, getting lovey? unlikely.

(however, the seven of them have made a pact to be as obnoxious as possible if the boyfriend gets too lovey. they didn’t include janus on this, because apparently janus and roman had a brief rivalry Thing in high school and it would probably piss logan off if they started fighting, but anyways. bros take care of bros.)

“are ya ready, kids?” edward asks as he starts the car.

“aye aye, captain!” the other six of his bros and, a little surprisingly, roman, call back. logan looks confused at this, as he usually does, and janus rolls his eyes, as he usually does.

“to the pub!” edward declares, and so they’re off as cory and jordan frantically play rock-paper-scissors to see who gets the aux cord.

jordan wins and as such immediately puts on his playlist, a few of the boys starting to sing along to nicki minaj—oh, sick, it’s the pump-up playlist. hell yeah, that means that beyoncé is coming up. edward fucking loves beyoncé.

edward peeks into the rearview mirror, and he sees roman pressing his face into logan’s shoulder, like he’s hugging him, and logan smiles, looking very pleased.

and as edward drives on, everyone joining in when “love on top” comes on, even over the raucous performance of ther rest of his bros, he could swear he hears roman’s voice, floating up to the driver’s seat even from where he’s singing in logan’s ear.

“baby it’s you, you’re the one i love, you’re the one i need...”

damn, edward thinks to himself, impressed. he’s got a good voice.

logan’s cheeks go a little bit pink, and he smiles, ducking his chin; roman takes a moment from singing into his ear to kiss him on the cheek.

also, that’s cute as fuck.

⁂

“shots?” cory demands. “shots, shots, shots?”

“we just got here,” logan says, usually the sole voice of reason and also being boring, but he doesn’t seem to be standing as firm as usual. that might have something to do with his boyfriend, who has an arm going over his shoulder, saying “hell yeah, dude!”

“getting shots my treat!” cory says, and he rushes into the scrum in front of the bar before logan can protest and try to pay for himself.

janus catches his elbow and allows himself to be pulled along with him, which is cool. janus is probably cory’s closest non-sports friend ever, because he and jan are, one, roommates, but two, kids adopted from other countries as symbols of their white parents’ supposed generosity (he’s chinese, janus is haitian, they handshake meme over white people misunderstanding the culture and history of their countries of origin) so they tend to get each other’s deal more often than other people in the house.

they’re already planning their “oh so sorry we’re busyyy” excuse and activities so they don’t have to go home over thanksgiving break.

cory leans down to talk into janus’ ear—it’s a friday night, so it’s as busy as it gets here—and practically shouts, “how long have they been dating again?”

“four years,” janus says back; cory has no idea how, but janus can always be heard in any crowd, he never has to shout.

“are they, like,” cory says. “i mean. are they like. i dunno what i’m even asking. is their relationship, like, nice, i guess?”

janus arches an eyebrow back. “do you happen to remember my previous relationship?”

mm, yeah. asher fleming, resoundingly shady, but very willing to dole out the cash whenever janus so much as pouted at him. which janus seemed to like, so good for him, cory guesses, even though asher fleming was sketchy as fuck, in his opinion. dude could rest in fucking pieces.

“what about that makes you think i am a good person to ask.”

cory opens his mouth, closes it. opens it again.

“hey, what can i get started for you?”

oh thank god. “uhh, nine—wait, ten—ten shots of vodka? boyd and blair, if you’ve got it. and open a tab,” cory adds, forking over his card.

“you got it,” the bartender says, taking it, and then pauses, taking a moment to take stock of cory.

cory flashes a smile at her. she smiles back, and turns for the bar, going to hunt down ten shot glasses and a tray, her brunette ponytail bouncing as she goes.

janus nods after her. “she’s cute.”

“yeah, but she’s working,” cory says, turning to lean back against the bar and scan the pub to see where the rest of his dudes have gone. “i’m like ninety percent sure not asking out a girl when she’s trapped at work is part of bro code.”

janus follows his lead, leaning against the bar.

“they’re adorable,” he says abrubtly, his eyes fixed on the table that the rest of their roommates have claimed, jostling each other for space.

“huh?”

“logan, when he’s with roman. they’re adorable. it’s disgusting. he gets all,” janus’ mouth twists. “sappy.”

“really?!” cory says, stunned. logan, sappy? the closest they’ve ever gotten to sappy logan is after running the full gamut of logan’s stages of drunkness.

“bet you fifty bucks logan initiates pda within ten minutes,” janus says.

“i’ll take that bet,” cory says immediately.

as he approaches the table with the tray of shots, logan reaches over to squeeze roman’s hand and then just hold it on the table. he realizes what he’s started to realize every time he makes a bet against janus, which is that he probably shouldn’t have made a bet against janus. cory literally never wins.

⁂

"hey, man, they made this wrong,” andrew lies cheerfully, setting the glass in front of logan. “you like peach schnapps, right?”

this is a thing he and the other dudes like to do, and logan gets into a snit when they do, but c’mon. andrew has literally unlimited access to cash, why shouldn’t he use it to spoil his friends?

and then logan usually says something about taking care of himself, but like, it’s covering your drinks, dude, it’s not a big deal.

logan gives him a look, a i know what you’re doing here look, a i am about to throw a fit because you paid for me look, but before he can say anything roman breaks into the conversation.

“oh, damn, i was gonna pay for logan’s next drink,” he says, sounding a little disappointed that he couldn’t treat logan to his drink of choice. “how much was that? i’ll cover it and you can get my next one, l, like we’re on a date.”

andrew, skeptical, waits, because this kind of tactic doesn’t work with logan, but—

logan relaxes back into the seat, turning his eyes to andrew.

“oh,” andrew says, and turns to crane at the menu. “uh, since it’s wells night, five or six bucks should cover it.”

“nice,” roman says peaceably, and forks over a ten. “just to cover my bases for my next drink on the tab—hey, who opened that, anyway, and what’s their venmo? i wanna be sure i have it so i can pay my share in the morning.”

“cory did—i’ll pull it up,” logan says, taking roman’s phone from his hand and searching for cory’s venmo profile.

huh. crisis averted.

andrew gives roman a thumbs-up over logan’s head, and roman grins back at him.

⁂

look. there are certain stages of drunkenness, right.

derek could be called a party—what was that word janus said? cone-is-sour?—connoisseur. like, he knows these things, okay. he knows that people have certain telltale signs of what they do when they start getting drunker.

for him, he gets all overheated and red-cheeked first, then he kind of stops having the concept of volume control, then everything sounds like the funniest thing in the world, there’s a bit about hugging his bros and singing along to whatever song the bar’s playing super loudly thrown in there most nights, and then he gets really sleepy, and after that his memory gets blurry. easy, simple way to tell how drunk he’s getting.

logan’s stages of drunkness are... pretty wild. like, holy hell is logan a lightweight. he got, like, very past tipsy after drinking two wine coolers once. they’ve all kind of taken it upon themselves to improve his drinking tolerance, gradually.

anyways. derek thinks he’s got logan’s stages figured out by now, along with the rest of the dudes, and the stages are as follows:

rambling when he talks

Science!

I Love My Friends

wandering off, most likely to fall asleep in a weirdass location

it turns out there might be a stage 1.5, but this stage might only be unlocked when his boyfriend is here.

stage 1.5 of logan drunkness is cuddly.

they’ve been playing the “who can pay for the most drinks for everyone but mostly for logan” game, which means that they’ve been mixing their alcohol (careful to steer clear of beer, though, ‘cause that could turn to beer before liquor during the next round, beer before liquor, never been sicker; liquor before beer, you’re in the clear, derek knows his fuckin’ booze) and trying drinks of what everyone else is trying, seeing if they can come up with a new favorite drinks combo before the night ends.

with one hand, logan’s currently stirring his plastic straw in a cocktail called a bramble. with the other, he’s got his arm flung across roman’s shoulders, occasionally adjusting his stance, and any time he catches anyone’s eyes during a conversation he beams, like, this is my boyfriend, isn’t this so great?!

and, like, look. he knows it’s basically dude code to kind of haze each other a little bit, whenever a new significant other comes around, just to make sure they’re up to snuff, but c’mon.

their uptight, workaholic house mom, drinking on a friday night like he doesn’t have a care in the world? practically unheard of.

derek’s pretty sure he can pin the sudden lack of tension in logan’s shoulders and jaw on the man that logan is currently staring at. roman is telling a story about a drag show he and his girl friends went to see in new york, and logan’s looking at him like roman hung all the stars in the sky, grinning whenever roman looks over at him.

like. come on. how is derek meant to haze that. it’s too fuckin’ cute.

⁂

logan is putting in an order for waters at the bar because while the boys are good at remembering to hydrate for sports reasons, no one ever remembers to hydrate for drinking reasons. a hand gently touches his waist, and, with a whiff of familiar cologne, roman slides in next to him at the bar.

“hey,” logan says, a little too aware that this is the closest they’ll get to a private conversation for the rest of the night.

“hey,” roman echoes, loose and easy with alcohol. something low in logan’s belly thrums pleasantly at the sound.

“check-in?” logan requests. “i know that this can be a—a lot.”

to put it delicately.

roman grins at him. “your friends are cool, this bar is cool. you’re cool. i love you so much.”

logan, who would later put this decision down to being plied with alcohol, pulls roman in by the collar and kisses him hard.

roman seems surprised, just for a moment, before he responds in kind, pulling logan in at the waist and kissing him back, equally enthusiastic.

his boyfriend is visiting, he’s making out with him in a bar like a normal college kid would make out with a significant other, and everything seems wonderful.

roman, looking thoroughly kissed, handles the ribbing and joking the boys start as soon as they get back to the table with good humor, grinning at logan like it’s a private joke between the two of them.

god, logan’s so in love with him.

⁂

"hey, babe?” roman says.

logan hums around his straw, looking at roman with half-lidded eyes. fuck he’s so hot.

roman shakes himself a little, trying to focus, before he asks, “on a scale of one to ten, how chill would the guys be if i suggested we go somewhere we can dance?”

logan swallows, and roman’s eyes follow the of his bobbing adam’s apple.

“probably very chill about it,” he says dryly.

roman smiles. “and how would you feel about going somewhere to dance with me?”

logan bites his lip, but still smiling.

“probably very enthusiastic about it,” logan says quietly.

roman grins at him. “yeah?”

“yeah.”

with a swiftness that probably belies how eager roman is at the very concept of holding logan close in his arms, roman calls out to derek, “hey, dude, is there a good club around here? i kinda wanna see y’all dance.”

derek puffs out his chest.

“oh, bro, you are not ready,” he says gleefully.

adam leans across the table.

“hey, wait, you’re, like, a professional dancer, right? maybe you can teach us a routine!”

oh, now roman has the perfect routine in mind.

⁂

adam has been known to get down at a party, okay. he’s a pretty decent dancer. his party trick is being able to swing around on poles installed into frat basements for “structural integrity.”

but, like, adam also knows that a literal professional probably has some tips, so he’d asked, right, which has now turned into—

“okay, again, from the start, ready?” roman asks, standing at the front of the group. janus and logan are at the edge of the room. adam’s pretty sure janus is recording this on his phone.

they’re also, like, in the center of most of the club’s attention, but roman seems very cool with it. which, likes, makes sense; dancing professionally, crowds come with the territory. the other six of his roommates are standing in loose lines, spaced out so they don’t kick each other in the heads.

“five, six, seven, eight,” roman starts, then, over the sound of six dudes who are all over six feet tall jump-kick then drop rapidly into what roman called a grand plié, which you would probably do slower for a stretch but this is CHOREO, sings, “now from the top, make it drop—”

⁂

logan, after trying so hard not to laugh at the sight of his boyfriend teaching tiktok dance choreography to what, ostensibly, looked like a group of typical frat boys, is attempting to catch his breath and hydrate at the bar.

well. dehydrate, technically. a vodka soda is certainly working to dehydrate him.

“hey,” roman pants, appearing from the crowd, flushed, with at least two more buttons popped than he’d had when they entered. “hot over there—can i—?”

before he can ask, logan offers his vodka soda, and roman says “thanks” before he gulps down a good portion of it, fanning himself.

“i love dancing,” he says happily.

“i know, dearest,” logan says, perhaps not as dryly as he would if they were not both intoxicated.

“oh! and i love this song!” roman says brightly, as the dj transitions into a new song.

logan smiles at him; the song is not a recent release, and logan thinks he might be able to place it.

“dance with me?” roman says, his eyes pleading. logan finds himself helpless to resist, and so he drains the rest of his drink.

roman smirks at him and takes hold of logan’s tie, gently leading him to a corner of the dance floor, rather than in the midst of the scrum of it, which logan appreciates; while he is perfectly willing to dance with roman, he is not so adept as to not make a fool of himself in the case of any impromptu dance circles.

there is, logan realizes once he listens to the lyrics, perhaps another motive of roman’s for dragging them into a less populated corner.

i’m telling you to loosen up my buttons, babe, but you keep frontin’, say what you’re gonna do to me, but i ain’t see nothing...

roman’s hands slide from logan’s tie to wrapping around logan’s shoulders, pulling logan so that they’re pressed up against each other, and logan grips roman’s hips, which are shifting sinuously to the beat.

“couldn’t dance like this at the chilton winter formal, could we?” roman says lowly into logan’s ear, and logan snickers.

“not unless we wanted to be lectured by mr. gardiner, no.”

“ugh, he was a fucker, i still haven’t forgiven him for being so strict about your math quizzes,” roman says, scowling. then, with a laugh, “no drawing lots to see who gets breathalyzed, no snooty rich kids to judge us—”

“i’m still surrounded by rich kids.”

“yeah, but your rich kids seem nice,” roman says thoughtfully. “‘cept for janus.”

“he’d take that as a compliment.”

“why did i bring up janus when i’m trying to grind on you,” roman mutters to no one in particular, and he then proceeds to handily distract logan by pressing impossibly closer.

roman’s hands slide up logan’s shoulders to briefly cup logan’s face, then slide back down to squeeze his shoulders, using the movement to roll his hips against him, and logan’s world narrows down to the heat of roman’s body, the scent of roman’s sweat and cologne, the beat of the song thrumming through to his very bones.

roman twists in his hands, leaning forward, then standing back upright to lean against logan, swaying his hips all the whlie. he reaches a hand lazily back, dragging it down logan’s face before cradling logan’s jaw.

logan twirls roman back to face him again, his grip on roman’s hips tight and possessive, and logan leans in to devour roman in a kiss. he can feel the pounding of hearts against his chest, and they’re so close he’s uncertain whose pulse is whose.

⁂

“—I DON’T GIVE A FUCK WHO TALK BEHIND MY BACK ‘CUZ A BITCH KNEW BETTER THAN TO LET ME HEAR!” jordan screams at the top of his lungs, along with the rest of his bros. all ten of them have piled back into edward’s car, and roman has taken over the aux, which is actually a phenomenal move, he has put on banger after banger.

edward—the sole sober one in the car—is grinning to himself even as he turns into his parking spot near their house.

they all groan when he turns off the car, and therefore turns off the music.

“yeah, yeah,” edward says, good-natured. “everyone out, i wanna go to bed!”

everyone pours from the car, logan stumbling slightly when he jumps down from the suv.

“i’ve got you, my love,” roman says grandly, and squats before logan. logan snorts, slightly, but then proceeds to clamber onto roman’s back, accepting his piggy-back ride.

“onward!” roman declares, and jordan grins a bit, shaking his head, before he jogs ahead so he can open the front door for them. he watches logan giggle and mash his face into the side of roman’s neck, and he watches roman’s face glow.

the rest of the dudes kind of split off, from there. edward, true to his word, goes to bed; adam, derek, cory, and and andrew sit in front of the tv to start up a drunken game of mario kart; matt pours himself a glass of water and starts chugging it; jordan goes to grab his own water bottle from his room, because he has dish duty next and he doesn’t want to give himself too much trouble.

by the time he’s changed into more comfortable clothes and gotten his water, he runs into roman on the stairs.

“oh! hey, dude,” he says.

“hey,” roman says. “uh, hey, do you guys have spare blankets and pillows and stuff, and where do you keep them? i figured i’d probably crash on the floor or the couch or something.”

jordan surveys him.

“yeah?” he says, in a tone that’s carefully neutral. they continue down the stairs together.

“yeah,” roman says casually. “uh—i know he’d wanna cuddle, but we’re both a bit drunk, so. got him some water, got him into bed, he fell asleep pretty quick.”

jordan knows it’s the bare fucking minimum to take care of your drunk significant other, but he feels his respect for roman rise, even just a little bit. that’s a bro move.

“yeah, man,” jordan says. “uh—we’ve got blankets down in the living room, but some of the dudes are playing mario kart, so you might have a while to wait to free up the couch.”

roman brightens.

“oh, sick. does anyone play peach?”

jordan snorts. “you’re gonna have to fight someone for it.”

“bring it on,” roman says.

⁂

roman hums to himself, quietly, as he ascends the stairs. he has to take a couple minutes to juggle the plates in his hands to be able to open the door, but he succeeds eventually.

“rise and shine, nerdo,” roman sings, careful not to be too loud.

he sees logan stir, and, before roman can say anything in warning—

thump.

“fuck!” logan snarls, flopping back in bed with a hand to his forehead, glaring up at the ceiling that has grievously injured him.

“oh, baby,” roman says, setting down his plate on logan’s desk before he rises on tip-toes so he can see logan’s face. “lemme see.”

logan groans and pulls his pillow over his head.

“still a morning person, i see,” roman teases, before he nudges a plastic water bottle into the bed. “drink that, baby, it’ll make you feel better.”

“nerdo isn’t your best work,” logan grumbles, muffled by the pillow.

“yeah, well, i stayed up until three with the dudes playing mario kart,” roman says dryly. “birdo, nerdo?”

logan peeks out in time to grab the water bottle, squirm as upright as he can, and proceed to chug it as mechanically as possible.

“how’d you sleep?” logan says, once he’s drained about half of it.

“eh, fine,” roman says. “the couch is pretty comfy.”

logan frowns.

“it was couch or floor,” roman says, before logan can say anything. “i think we could maybe squeeze to fit up there, and considering we were, y’know—”

“i get it,” logan says.

“i was gonna make you a big breakfast, but,” roman says and hands over a plate with two pieces of toast sliced into triangles and slathered with crofter’s. “figured you’d like this better.”

logan smiles, taking the plate, and then leans wildly out of his bed in order to cup roman’s face and kiss him good morning.

the kiss is good. it’s very good. but—

“your breath stinks,” roman says, and logan chucks a pillow at him.

“you aren’t exactly a morning rose, either,” logan grumbles, and roman snorts, taking a bite of his own crofter’s with great fervor.

over their breakfast—logan in the bed, roman on the beanbag—they talk about their plans for the rest of the weekend; going on a walk around campus, going to see logan’s favorite spot in the library, getting tacos from the best little spot in town for lunch.

“granted,” logan says thoughtfully, “i have these ideas in place today, but we’ll see how the boys interfere with it.”

“i’d be fine if they did,” roman says.

“yeah?” logan says.

“yeah,” roman says. he grins up at logan. “wanna explain why they kept calling me step-daddy when i was making us toast?”

logan flops back on the bed with a groan, and, even with all of his theatrics, roman can tell logan’s very pleased that his boyfriend and his friends get along.

(they absolutely get along. roman has already promised to record a dance tutorial for them to “dancing queen” next.)

⁂

notes: major thank yous to @teacupfulofstarshine and @airiervessel for helping me flesh out the boys! songs in the order they’re mentioned: “love on top” by beyoncé, “wap” by cardi b. ft. megan thee stallion, “buttons” by the pussycat dolls, “thot shit” by megan thee stallion, “dancing queen” by abba.

#my fic #my fanfic #sanders sides fanfiction #sanders sides fanfic #the sideshire files #wyliwf #logince #logan sanders #roman sanders #sanders sides

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backtothestart02 · 3 years

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A Weekend of Firsts - 2/? | grandice fanfiction

A/N: Welp, this is gonna be more than 3 chaps, I fear. Enjoy? XD

...

Chapter 2 -

Grant stepped out of the shower the next morning and wondered what his life had become. Not a night of tossing and turning or cooking up his usual hangover fix for the minor headache he woke up with or what should’ve been an extremely relaxing, invigorating hot shower had erased the memory of Candice in his arms the night before.

The feel of her body arching up against his and her tongue sneaking into his mouth, her lips pressed to his in sloppy, passionate kisses, her legs wrapped around his own still remained ingrained into the forefront of his mind.

And her neck.

God, her neck.

He could spend forever drawing moans from sucking kisses down her neck.

It was everything he’d been dreaming of since first meeting her during their chemistry test months ago.

He’d convinced himself she must not be interested if all his flirting and paying her attention in the last month and a half, in addition to when they shot the pilot, got nothing but an obligatory smile and some laughter at his jokes.

Finally, he’d found someone who thought he was hysterical though. That was a relief. He was starting to think he maybe wasn’t that funny.

But it was nothing that a friend wouldn’t do. He couldn’t resist flirting with her, but if all she wanted was friendship, he’d shut it down as soon as she said it was too much.

Last night he’d learned it wasn’t too much at all, and she actually did feel the same. She just didn’t want to act on it, and he couldn’t figure out why.

There was a voice in the back of his head yelling at him for having taken her back to her room before things got really heated the night before. But he knew it wasn’t right. He’d been tipsy at best, and she’d definitely been drunk. If they were ever to have a real chance, he had to do things the right way.

After getting dressed, he returned to see what was left of his hangover concoction in the kitchenette part of his suite. Luckily, the kitchen downstairs had had all the ingredients he needed to make it. He’d just needed to call for room service to deliver, and deliver they did. Since he hadn’t had much, given his headache had been pretty minor, there was more than enough left to deliver to Candice, who definitely would need some.

His only problem was would she let him in the door or would she be mad at him for making him leave in the midst of their little…almost sex. He winced, but then decided to push it out of his mind as best as he could. He gathered the drink in his arms, grabbed his room key and padded the short distance down the hall to her room.

He knocked lightly on the door. No answer. He tried again, this time a little louder.

“Candice?”

He heard a moan in response. That was good news. She was responsive and probably still in bed. He couldn’t be coming at a better time. Probably.

She still didn’t come to the door though, so he knocked again.

“Candice?”

“I didn’t order room service!” she called out, and he smiled, imagining her pout and her frazzled hair as she stretched out enough to yell at the closed door.

He had to compose himself before continuing.

“It’s not room service. It’s me.” He paused. “Grant.”

There was a really long pause then, to the point that he wondered if she’d gone back to sleep.

“Candice?”

He was super close to knocking again, his hand raised to the door in in a loose fist. Luckily – or not, for him – she responded just before his knuckle hit the smooth wood.

“Go away,” she said grumpily.

His heart fell in the pit of his stomach, but he told himself not to take it personally.

“I have something,” he tried. “For your…headache.”

He heard some huffing on the other side and then the sound of the heavy door opening before he was faced with a frazzled looking Candice Patton. He held up the green drink innocently.

She huffed, but took it straight out of his arms, downing it as fast as she could.

“Wait, that’s not what I-”

She didn’t listen, only took a breath halfway through to mutter, “This tastes disgusting.”

He chuckled lightly but couldn’t get a word in until she’d finished the batch.

“What is it?” she asked, wiping her mouth with the back of her hand.

He grimaced. “You don’t want to know.”

She eyed him up and down, looking highly suspicious.

“What?” he asked, grinning now.

“You look better than I do.” She pouted. He found it adorable.

“I’ve showered and dressed. You’ll look better than me in no time if you do the same.”

She sighed, shoved the glass back at his chest and closed the door.

Once again, he was alone in the hall.

“I’ll see you down at breakfast,” she said from the other side, and he supposed that was the best he was going to get.

“See you down there,” he muttered to himself, and before long he found himself headed down the hall and entering the elevator alone.

…

Candice waited until she heard the elevator doors close before turning around and leaning back against the door.

She was in Hell. Literal Hell.

Well, maybe not so much after the drink. She might not have to vomit so much anymore, and she could already feel her headache dissipating.

But what was she going to do about Grant?

Here he was being so kind and thoughtful, and he was an actual gentleman last night. He’d saved her from making the biggest mistake of her life. Putting her current job in jeopardy by messing with their onscreen chemistry due to pursuing an offscreen relationship with her number one co-star.

A one-night stand? What had she been thinking?

She’d been drunk and horny, and he’d been right there was what she’d been thinking.

And it wasn’t just that he’d been conveniently positioned beside her. He was the guy she couldn’t stop thinking about even if she wanted to. She wanted to be in that bed with him, with him kissing her, making love to her – or about to. She’d wanted that almost since she met him.

They just had a…a spark.

It was what made their onscreen chemistry so good. It wasn’t just onscreen. It was everywhere. It was in the looks, the dancing, the laughter, the sincerity. And now she knew, she was 100% certain that it was mutual. He wanted her just as badly.

It hurt her to know that though, because obviously they couldn’t risk what they had for something that could be fleeting.

Well, how fleeting could it be if her feelings for him had been just as strong from when they first met till now? If not stronger?

She nibbled on her bottom lip and headed into the bathroom, hoping a shower would erase all things Grant Gustin from her mind.

Of course it didn’t. She felt refreshed when she stepped out onto the towel she’d placed on the tile floor, another towel wrapped around her body and her hair. She didn’t feel hungover. She felt like she could take on the day.

But her heart still felt heavy, and it yearned for him.

Hell, she even dressed for him. She wore what she wanted to wear for herself, of course, but she was thinking of him while she did it. Would he like it? Would he stare? Would he even notice?

She shook her head, trying to rid her thoughts of him again, but it was impossible.

Finally, she slipped into her shoes to head downstairs to breakfast, where she recalled she’d told him she’d meet him. How would she survive that? Without blushing? Without staring at his lips? Without either shunning him or asking to pick up where they left off?

What would he say if she decided on the latter? Maybe all she needed was a one-night stand to get him out of her system.

Maybe…

As it turned out, she didn’t have to go far at all. When she opened her hotel room door, there he stood with a plate of bagels, fruit, and cereal, and an orange juice to drink.

“Hey,” he said, that ridiculously sexy grin back on his face. “They, uh, were closing up. So I quick grabbed some stuff for you and just brought it up. I hope…is this okay?”

“Yeah, totally,” she said immediately. “Thank you.”

She reached for the tray, then found herself grasping air as he moved past her into the room.

“Uh…okay.”

“Sorry, I just wouldn’t want you to spill anything on your pretty dress.” He looked over his shoulder after setting the tray down on her bed. “It is pretty by the way.” He turned all the way around and approached her. “You’re pretty.”

She swallowed, her eyes dipping to his lips again, then figured this is it, now or never, before she could talk herself out of it.

She went up on her tiptoes and tried to reach his lips, but she was too short. She almost tripped over herself instead, floundering. He caught her though, gripping her elbows to keep her steady. She couldn’t look at him. She was so embarrassed.

“Candice,” he whispered, and hesitantly, so hesitantly, she looked up at him.

He caught her lips with his own and kissed her, his lips slanting over hers to escalate and deepen the kiss. Candice’s arms swung up and around his neck, and he pulled her flush against him, kissing her harder, giving himself over to her, everything he had to that kiss, pushing her up against the wall and kissing, kissing, kissing until he couldn’t breathe – and she probably couldn’t either – and lifting his head.

“W-w-wow, whoa.”

Trembling, she let her hands fall from around his neck, one lifting to her lips. She could still feel the pressure, the buzz, his lips had created there.

“That was…”

“Yeah,” he said, and his voice was gravelly.

She laughed nervously.

“Your voice is really hot after you’ve been kissing someone.” She licked her lips.

He managed to smirk, then sunk his fingers into her hair.

“Just after I’ve been kissing you, I think.”

She smiled tremulously. Then without warning, she seemed to figure out that he wasn’t exactly in clothes meant for panels, interviews, autographs, etc.

“What?” he asked, finding the little crease in her forehead absolutely adorable.

“I uh…you probably need to change your clothes, right?”

He looked down. “Yeah.”

“And um…wipe my lipstick off your lips?” She reached up to wipe it away, but he caught her hand and met her eyes.

“Nah, I think I’ll keep it there.”

“But what if someone sees?”

“Who’s gonna see? We’re not even famous yet.”

His eyes were twinkling in the faint light of the room, and Candice found herself absolutely enraptured by them.

“Please?” she requested, biting her bottom lip.

He groaned aloud.

“I can’t resist you, Candice.”

Reaching down, he used a fistful of his t-shirt to wipe the lipstick free of his face.

“Better?” he asked.

She frowned.

“Now what?”

“Well, now it’s on your shirt! It won’t take much for people to-”

He cut her off by pressing his lips to hers in a quick kiss, then moving past her towards the door.

“I’m one door down. It’ll be fine. No one’s in the hall. They’re all in the lobby.”

“Wait!”

He stopped and turned around right as he set his hand on the doorknob.

“You want me to go shirtless?” He leaned towards her. “Because I will if you want me to.”

“No!” she said, scandalized all at once. “I don’t want anyone to-”

“See what belongs to only you?” He grinned unashamedly.

“Oh, my God, no.” Her face licked with flames. She could hardly breathe. “I mean, you don’t belong to me. We’re not together. This was just…just…”

“A hot kiss between co-workers offscreen?”

She couldn’t speak.

He pressed another quick kiss to her face, but this one hit her cheek since her mouth was hanging open.

“I’ll see you at the first panel. Maybe we’ll meet in the elevator, and…kiss some more.”

He winked, and then he was opening the door and disappearing into the hall.

Candice’s mouth was still hanging open when the door shut. She stood with her back to it much like she’d done hardly an hour or two earlier. She couldn’t remember what time it had been, only that she felt much more frazzled than she’d looked then.

She’d just made out with Grant. Again. While not drunk. And she hadn’t put a stop to it. She’d initiated it even!

She blew a lock out of her face and slowly slumped against the wood until her butt hit the carpeted floor.

Oh, damn.

#grandice #fanfiction #grandice fanfiction #backtothestart02 fanfiction #a weekend of firsts #chapter 2

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carter-13 · 3 years

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fuck it, here’s a wholeass post about the skrull sharon theory because literally nobody can stop me.

so! for anyone who’s somehow managed to miss this, there’s a relatively prevalent fan theory right now that the sharon shown in tfatws was in fact a skrull. the reasoning behind this is that there was a VERY significant change in her personality, ideals and motivations that happened offscreen, with the audience left knowing virtually nothing about what her deal is. her being the power broker goes against everything we’ve seen of her so far, and against her comics character, so it seems like a very strange decision.

coincidentally (or not!) this happened at the same time marvel just so happens to be setting up secret invasion - a project that presumably follows a plot similar to the comics in which key characters and prominent figures are replaced by skrulls. with sharon’s current powerful status, she would make an ideal person to replace, and the fact that she was alone in madripoor for several years (note: she wasn’t actually blipped, and the reason for her being shown as missing in endgame was due to her status being unknown by the avengers) means she would be easily swapped without anybody noticing. additionally, the only post-credits scene after the tfatws finale was sharon getting a pardon. this is interesting since the two most recent projects (far from home + wandavision) both had skrull post-credits scenes. what if tfatws’ post-credits scene was secretly a skrull scene too?

altogether, these things seem to make for a plausible theory that would explain some otherwise very strange writing choices. however, right now, i just don’t think it holds water for a few reasons.

first up, there’s the fact that this would undermine sharon’s current anger directed at everyone who fucked her over. because man, was she ever fucked over. she effectively became a fugitive for the guy she kissed, only for him to leave her stranded for years before promptly travelling back in time to be with her great aunt instead. endgame steve, man. the fact that she’s bitter about this is very much justified, and i don’t really like the idea of them just getting rid of this entirely by turning around and stating that actually these were never her own feelings all along. plus, the idea of them waving away the anger of specifically a female character doesn’t feel like a great choice. the mcu is still very much in its baby stage when it comes to writing female characters who are allowed to actually show emotion, so i doubt it’s something they’d really want right now.

second, i think secret invasion probably won’t play out the way a lot of people are expecting based on the comics. the skrulls in the comics have served as an allegorical tool a few times. in the early years, they were mostly a stand-in for the red scare (pretty cringe stuff). during the plot of secret invasion, though, they read more as an allegory for religious extremists infiltrating a society in order to destroy society. if i’m being entirely honest, i kind of hate it. this run was published in 2008, right when the ‘war on terror’ was a significant focus of american media. as a result, the skrulls were written as a not-so-subtle stand-in for islamic extremists, which is exactly as bad as it sounds like. i definitely don’t have the time or the knowledge to fully break this down, but just know that it’s insensitive at best and downright harmful at worst. i’m sure there are things to like about secret invasion (hey, the un-fridging of bobbi morse! can’t complain there!), but i think an adaptation of it would be absolutely abysmal without major changes.

luckily, there’s fair reason to assume there will be. captain marvel handled skrulls very differently to the comics, instead making them a stand-in for an oppressed minority of immigrants. it’s overall an adaptational choice i like very much, as this is able to do good rather than harm. this also, however, means a by-the-book adaptation of secret invasion would be catastrophic. making your immigrant allegory secretly evil is pretty inexcusable, and i doubt there’s a way they can pull it off without it coming off exactly as xenophobic as it sounds.

because of this, for the plot of secret invasion, i think it’s more likely that the skrulls will instead be working alongside fury as allies. this isn’t a post about my own personal secret invasion theories though, so i’ll leave that there. my point is that so far, we don’t have any reason to assume the skrulls are evil aside from how they’ve been portrayed in the comics, and i don’t think for these reasons that the comics are a good basis for theories on this particular topic. tldr: the skrulls haven’t been shown to be evil yet, so assuming a villain is one is a bit of a jump.

additionally, the argument that sharon being the power broker means she’d be a good target for a skrull is a pretty flawed one. for sharon to have this power in the first place, she would already have to be the power broker, which means her new character direction can’t be waved away like that. the alternative here is that she was replaced before the skrull became the power broker - however, a fugitive ex-agent who can’t leave madripoor without fear of being arrested is pretty low down on the list of desirable situations, so i doubt any skrull would want to be her in the first place. she had very few existing links, and no real connection to power before clawing her way up through Crimes™️. in short, it doesn’t really make sense.

finally - and this is more of a personal preference - it just feels like lazy writing. i know, i know. the tfatws reveal wasn’t exactly paddington 2 levels of media artistry. but undoing a character’s arc (even if that arc was offscreen!) by just stating they were a skrull all along is pretty lame. it sets a bad precedent for the future. i don’t like erasing bad writing with more bad writing, and i don’t think the skrull theory really solves anything here.

so yeah, here we go, i don’t think sharon’s a skrull. could i be wrong? absolutely! this might actually be the most glorious, incredible twist of all time. or maybe it’s a horribly written twist that i’ll hate. either way, i don’t currently think it makes sense, so here’s this. sorry for the horrible formatting (mobile, lol) and the rambling (maybe i’ll clean this up later, maybe not, who knows)

#sharon carter #fatws spoilers #fatws #tfatws spoilers #tfatws #secret invasion #marvel #mcu #long post

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waystobuild-blog · 4 years

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Spare Room?

Hey everybody. Last year, I had worked on the Sonic Zine @stayhomesonic which was a fanzine that would be sold to fans each with pieces of art and writing about the pandemic, with the proceeds going towards Doctor’s Without Borders in the end. $612 was raised and it was great to take part in such a nice cause.

Now that the zine has been finished, I am able to post my piece to social medias which I am doing so now. Rather than something soft or emotional, I decided to go a little more comical with these characters while also going into the importance of staying home and social distancing.

Spare Room?

With a global pandemic going on, everybody was asked to stay inside their homes. This was a good thing, it kept people safe. But if you were a guy that didn’t really have a house and just kinda camped out wherever you stopped running, then you were in for a problem. Unfortunately for Sonic the Hedgehog, that was his predicament.

He now stood in the Mystic Ruins outside of Tails’ lab where he hoped that he could crash until this whole thing blew over.

Tails arrived at the door decked out in a hazmat suit that even covered his namesakes.

“Hey, bud!” Sonic smiled and waved at him.

“Sonic, it’s good to see you!” The fox grinned.

Sonic was quick to go in for a hug, but Tails was quick to duck away. “Sorry, Sonic. No touching. You know how it is right now.”

The hedgehog sheepishly rubbed the back of his head. “Sorry, Sorry. Forgot.”

“It’s all good. So what brings you by these parts?”

“Well, everybody’s been told to go inside for this whole virus thing, and I don’t really have a house so I’m like ‘Why not bunk with the best little bro in the whole world?’ y’know?”

“Sonic that’s great and I’d love to have you.”

“Perfect!” He beamed as he began to make his way towards the door.

But for the first time in a long time, Tails was faster than him as he quickly produced a remote control with a single red button on it and stepped back into the house.

Suddenly, metal bars appeared in front of him as warning sirens went off all around. Sonic was quick to cover his ears as he watched his friend’s shack basically become Fort Knox in a matter of seconds.

“Sorry, Sonic. I’d love to have you but I just can’t. I’m busy trying to find a cure so it’s not safe here.”

“They’re trusting an 8 year old to find a cure for a worldwide pandemic?”

“Yes and they pay me handsomely. Good luck trying to find a place to stay, I gotta get back to work.”

Sonic waved him off before leaving.

If Tails wasn’t gonna let him stay then who would? He wondered as he ran off.

However, quickly he found himself in Station Square and that’s when he realized that he knew someone that would have to let him in.

It wasn’t long before Sonic stood outside of an apartment and rang the doorbell, giving off his best winning smile.

When the door opened, Amy Rose stood before him, wearing her usual outfit but a facemask as well.

“Sonic!” She cried. “It’s good to see you!”

“Hey, Ames. Good to see you too.”

Sonic reached out for a hug, but Amy was quick to back away. “No, no mister, you know the rules. Keep a safe distance.”

“Aw, come on, it’s just one hug.”

“Sure first it’s one hug and then it’s one kiss and then it’s one virus.” Amy shook her head. “We’re not in good times right now.”

Sonic chuckled. “Who are you and what have you done with Amy Rose?”

Amy swiped her hand around and laughed with him. “Oh, stop. But seriously, what brings you by?’

“Well, with this whole virus thing going around I’ve been looking for a place to stay, so I thought Amy will definitely let me-”

“No.”

“Stay and so I’m just gonna go in and- wait, did you say no?”

Amy gave a placate smile and shook her head “Same thing, Sonic. Any other day, I’d love to have you over, but right now it’s just not a good idea.”

Sonic sighed at this but nodded in understanding.

Amy quickly closed her door and Sonic was left to find someone else to bunk with.

First Tails and now Amy. This was proving to be a lot harder than he thought. He thought he was a shoe in to get inside Amy’s apartment but the girl was far more serious than he initially thought she would be. Part of him was proud of her for sticking to her guns and staying safe, but another part of him just wanted a bed to sleep in for once.

Who else did he know that actually had some sort of roof over their head could he go to?

And then it clicked. While definitely not ideal, he supposed he could give them a try.

Sonic raced off from Station Square and shortly arrived in Westopolis where he went to a specific high rise apartment complex to find Team Dark.

Team Dark, having more government funds than they knew what to do with lived incredibly comfy in what was more or less a penthouse and they were 100% fine with that. It was a bit too stuffy and fancy for Sonic’s tastes, but desperate times called for desperate measures.

Sonic’s eyes widened in shock when he went to the top floor of the building and found steel plating surrounding the entrance to their apartment.

Sonic looked confused at this as he walked over to ring the doorbell.

But as soon as he placed a finger on it, alarms began to blare causing the hedgehog to instinctively jump into a battle pose.

But no danger came.

Instead, a massive screen flared to life and there stood the face of E123 Omega. “Who dares violate the safety of Rouge?!”

“Omega?” Sonic looked confusedly.

“Sonic the Hedgehog how dare you try to infiltrate our place of dwelling during the infection?! Please vacate the premises immediately or lethal force will be taken!”

Suddenly a comically large laser gun appeared from next to the panel and pointed dangerously at the hedgehog.

“Woah, woah, woah!” A sharp voice came from offscreen. “Omega, put those away right now!”

“But Rouge, he-”

“We do not vaporize our friends, Omega!” Rouge shouted.

If Sonic wasn’t mistaken he thought he had heard the robot groan but the laser was in fact put away.

In a few short moments the camera was turned in a new direction and he could see Rouge the bat lying lazily on the couch wearing a bathrobe and slippers, a magazine discarded at her side.

“Hey, Big Blue.” She waved. “Sorry about Omega, he’s gotten a little extreme when it comes to the virus.”

“A little? Dude tried to blast me!”

“And I would do it again.”

Rouge rolled her eyes at this. “Omega put the place on lockdown as soon as news broke out and won’t allow me to leave the house. I don’t really care though so I’ve just made myself comfortable.”

“Okay… what about Shads?”

“Shadow?” She snickered. “As soon as he heard, he didn’t even bother with me or Omega, he just used his Chaos Control and left. Who knows where he is?”

“Knowing him, he probably thinks he can’t be infected or something and is off trying to figure out how he can punch the virus.”

Rouge simply shrugged.

“Anyway, you gonna let me stay?”

Rouge shrugged. “I’d love to… But I am 100% sure Omega will vaporize you…”

“I will!”

“And I just can’t stop him.”

Sonic sighed. “Alright, thanks.”

Sonic ran off yet again, trying to find where exactly he could go but to no avail. He had friends all over the world and yet, none of them were taking him. He tried the Chaotix, he tried Professor Pickle, he even considered Omochao but then realized nothing was worth that hell.

But soon, he ran into someone that actually wanted him.

If only he could say the same about them.

“Hello, Sonic!”

Sonic stopped his running nearly tripping over his own feet with how sudden the gravelly voice had come out at him.

He looked up to the source of the voice and saw a floating screen before him and on that screen was none other than Doctor Eggman himself, giving him a big cheeky smile. The doctor wasn’t looking to good, he was covered in a blanket, his face redder than usual, his usually bushy moustache drooped down low.

“Sonic!” He announced. “I hear you are looking for a place to stay!”

“Pass.” Sonic tried to run away but the same floating screen was quick to have two robot arms extend from it and grab the hedgehog.

“Now hold on there, Sonic. I would like to extend an olive branch to you. With these trying times, we all need to stick together and I happen to know that you need a roof over your head. So, stay with me and we’ll make great company!”

Sonic let himself go from where the arms were holding him. “You’re sick, Eggman.”

Eggman violently coughed at that. “N-n-no, of course not. I am of perfect health.”

“I meant you’re messed up but yeah, that too.”

Eggman frowned at that. “Wait, I promise that no harm will come to you.”

“Is that right?”

“But of course.”

“In that case…”

“Chaos Control!”

Sonic and Eggman both looked up in shock to see none other than Shadow the Hedgehog drop down and dropkick Eggman’s screen, causing it to break.

“I- okay, I wasn’t expecting that, Shadow.”

Shadow rose from where he was crouched down on the ground and glared at the hedgehog.

“So… since you’re here, I was wondering if I could bunk it in wherever you were hiding out an-”

“Absolutely not!” Shadow roared. “After Rouge called me on my communicator, she informed me of your little crusade to find a roommate. So I’m telling you here and now, stay away from space. If I hear you so much as step one foot off the planet, then I will not hesitate to-”

“Woha, wait, space? I didn’t even know that…” And then it clicked. “You’re hiding out on the Ark aren’t you?”

Shadow’s eyes widened in shock and he quickly tried to cover himself. “I- I- I- cannot confirm or deny that… I- I have to go. Uh… Chaos Control!”

Sonic sighed at this, being left all alone with flaming pile of machinery.

After trying all his friends he was left in complete isolation. What was he to do now that he had nowhere to stay, nowhere to run to… He was all alone.

But it was those thoughts of loneliness, isolation that made him realize that he had one friend that he had completely forgotten to ask and zoomed off.

It wasn’t long before he arrived at his destination. Lush greenery surrounded him, birds were singing, nature was alive and well, standing amongst it all was a great big altar where a massive green gem of power could be seen radiating a comforting energy that rolled over him in waves.

Leaning against the same gem was none other than the Emerald Guardian himself, Knuckles the Echidna and as soon as Sonic stepped foot on the Altar, he cracked open an eye and looked over at his visitor.

“Sonic.”

“Hey, buddy. It’s good to see ya!” He sheepishly waved.

“What are you doing on my island?”

“Well… ya see, there’s this whole virus thing going on and…”

“Virus? What virus?”

Sonic stood there in stunned disbelief for a moment, staring at the echidna in complete befuddlement as Knuckles looked at him expectantly.

He just shrugged. “Forget about it. Anyway, you mind if I crash on Angel Island for a while?”

Knuckles put a hand to his chin in thought for a moment. “Eh, sure. Just stay away from the Master Emerald and me for that matter.”

“Works for me.” Sonic shrugged as he left to jog a few laps around the island, finally having a place to stay during this pandemic.

#sonic the hedgehog #sonic fanfiction #sonic zine

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theorajones · 4 years

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OR IS HE?

I present to you, the Michael Knight Manwhore Index!

This was shamelessly ripped off from inspired by Sara_merry’s Michael Knight Sex Project on LJ, which tragically appears to have been abandoned after the first 14 episodes. But having a) a ton of spare time on my hands due to the ongoing Coronapocalypse, b) a steadfast dedication to sitting around in my pajamas watching Knight Rider instead of cleaning the gutters or replacing my car’s valve cover gaskets and c) a burning need to know how accurate my estimate of Michael’s conquests was in my last trashy fanfic, I persevered.

Methodology: I assigned each prominent female guest character (and the occasional male and/or regular character) a probability of having gotten it on with Michael, based on my subjective interpretation of how much they flirted/made out/made plans for a romantic getaway/actually went on a romantic getaway. Episodes in which at least one character had a 50% or greater probability (including with characters who were talked about but not seen onscreen) were assigned a value of 1. Episodes with a 49% or lower probability were assigned a value of 0. Values were totaled to calculate each season’s MKMI number.

TL;DR results:

(# denotes probable sexytimes with someone who wasn’t seen onscreen, * denotes Michael’s participation was most likely non-consensual)

Season 1 MKMI number: 13

04 - Good Day at White Rock 05 - Slammin’ Sammy’s Stunt Show Spectacular 06 - Just My Bill # 07 - Not a Drop to Drink 08 - No Big Thing # 09 - Trust Doesn’t Rust # 10 - Inside Out 11 - The Final Verdict 13 - Forget Me Not 15 - Give Me Liberty... or Give Me Death 16 - The Topaz Connection 17 - A Nice, Indecent Little Town 20 - Knight Moves

Season 2 MKMI number: 6

06 - Return to Cadiz 07 - KITT the Cat 08 - Custom KITT 14 - Diamonds Aren’t a Girl’s Best Friend 18/19 - Goliath Returns * 23 - Let It Be Me

Season 3 MKMI number: 7

09 - Dead of Knight 12 - Custom Made Killer # 13 - Knight by A Nose 14 - Junk Yard Dog 15 - Buy Out 17 - The Nineteenth Hole 22 - Circus Knights

Season 4 MKMI number: 5

03 - KITTnap 08 - Many Happy Returns 12 - The Scent of Roses 16 - Redemption of a Champion 22 - Voo Doo Knight

Conclusion: Michael is not nearly as much of a manwhore as people think, at least based on what we see onscreen. Although he clearly does have a social life outside of what we’re shown in every episode, so there’s still a world of possibilities...

Detailed episode analysis below the cut:

s1e01/02 - Knight of the Phoenix

Lonnie - Don't seem to know each other very well, no signs of other than professional interest. Probability: 0%

Tanya - Some kind of working relationship as Michael Long, but she doesn't seem to recognize his voice as MK. Plus he was possibly still engaged to Stevie as ML.

T: "I can promise you a very rewarding... *partnership*." M: "Not this time."

Probability: 5% (as ML) 0% (as MK)

Maggie - She expresses regret at not going for him at the end, but also seems more interested in finding a father figure for her son. It's implied that Michael left town before anything could happen. He did say he'd come back and visit. Did he ever? Would Maggie be up for a fling even though she knows he can't settle down? Potentially but not necessarily.

Probability - 30%

s1e03 - Deadly Maneuvers

Robin - They keep things mostly professional during the investigation. Michael goes to his own hotel room. At the end, it looks like he and Devon are leaving together. Michael is wearing a different shirt in the last scene than in the one where he rescues Robin from the munitions range so it's unclear how much time has passed. Theoretically sexytimes could have transpired but there aren't really any strong suggestions that they have.

Probability: 10%

s1e04 - Good Day at White Rock

Sherry - "Keep driving." "For how long?" "Until one of us runs out of gas."

Probability: 95%

s1e05 - Slammin' Sammy's Stunt Show Spectacular

Lisa - She's definitely interested. And he's sticking around for another 3 weeks, so definitely some opportunity. He doesn't seem as flirtatious with her as he was with Sherry but it's definitely a possibility.

Probability: 70%

s1e06 - Just My Bill

Sabrina (offscreen) - Devon breaks Michael's date with her. Not enough info to draw any conclusions about whether it's a first and/or last date. A definite possibility.

Probability: 50%

Senator Maggie - That would have been subversive af, but alas, no.

Probability: 0%

Jane - Doesn't seem that into him at their first meeting. At their breakfast date he asks her how she slept, which presumably he'd know if he'd been there. She does go out to lunch with him and Devon at the end. Possible but not conclusive.

Probability: 25%

s1e07 - Not A Drop to Drink

Francesca - They have kind of a "channel the sexual tension into arguments" thing, but like Maggie in the pilot, she's probably looking more for somebody who can settle down. Another one where he talks at the end about coming back to visit but we don't know if he ever does. Maybe?

Probability: 50%

S1e08 - No Big Thing

The Unnamed 200-Mile Diversion Girl (offscreen) - I doubt he drove 200 miles out of his way just for coffee and friendly conversation.

Probability: 90%

Carol Reston - They have dinner together but seem to be keeping things strictly business. No apparent indication that they're romantically interested, no "Come back and visit sometime."

Probability: 0%

s1e09 - Trust Doesn't Rust

Rosalyn and/or Rosalie (offscreen) - "What's wrong with a little 'companionship'?"

Probability: 90%

Bonnie - They almost kiss after defeating KARR, but mutually think better of it. Presumably the moment passes and stays passed for another few seasons of UST.

Probability: 0%

s1e10 - Inside Out

(This ep has a higher than average amount of sexual innuendo, including KITT's breathless response to Bonnie adjusting his components, Michael commenting that Bonnie knows how to turn KITT on, KITT straight-facedly giving Michael an accounting of Bonnie's measurements after Michael wonders whether there's a real woman under her jumpsuit, and Michael & KITT's "Maybe I can get something from the girl"/ "I wouldn't touch that line with a 10 foot driveshaft" conversation. "Don't worry, I'll distract her."/"I'll bet." "What was that all about?"/"Biology.")

Linda - WTF was up with him grabbing her in the woods like a skeezoid rapist when he just wanted to give her dinner? She doesn't kick him in the balls so I guess that counts for something. They hug after a conversation in her room later, hold hands and smooch before she goes off to do... something mission related. She saves his ass and helps him drop off the bad guys at the prison. Do they celebrate later? Maybe.

Probability: 70%

s1e11 - The Final Verdict

Cheryl - They're pretty touchy-feely when he visits her in jail, and she gives him a pretty good kiss at the end. Odds are good that they had/will have a romantic relationship at some point.

Probability: 90%

s1e12- A Plush Ride

M: I wanna search Margo's room. K: I've heard that one before. M: It'll give you something to brood about during the night.

Margo - (spoiler alert) She's a terrorist. They get physical when she catches him searching her room but it doesn't turn into anything more than fighting. He kisses her (in front of everybody, wtf) after she (supposedly) saves him from being murdered by Jacobs. But the next time we see the two of them together, she's taking him prisoner. She's pretty touchy-feely with him while he's tied up but there's no time for her to do anything (and presumably he wouldn't be into it if she did, what with her being a terrorist and all).

Probability: 0%

Bonnie - Uncharacteristically flirtatious, appears to be a bit tipsy. No real implication that anything happened, though.

Probability: 0%

s1e13 - Forget Me Not

Maria Elena - They're flirting up a storm in their first scene. And their third one. And fourth one. Also she's frequently scantily clad around him. Michael to KITT in the last scene: "See you in two days, buddy." Oh yeah, he was planning something.

Probability: 95%

Micki - She's a little flirtatious too before she loses her memory (although he starts it by fake-flirting with her). And also feels comfortable enough to just run around in Michael's shirt and little else after she loses her memory, although she says she doesn't just meet guys at parties and go home with them (she thinks). He tells her she's a nice lady but doesn't seem that romantically interested in her.

Probability: 10% Until...

Maria Elena & Micki - They've become fast friends by the last scene and both kiss him on the cheek at the same time after he brings them both flowers (at KITT's instigation). Why do I get the feeling "Anybody wanna cruise a hamburger joint?" was as close as they could get to implying a threesome on 80s family hour tv?

Probability: 60%

s1e14 - Hearts of Stone

M: KITT, don't fall in love with one of these beautiful cars and run off on me, huh?

K: I wouldn't dream of it.

Angie - She's with Roberto. Also (spoiler alert) a scam artist criminal.

Probability - 0%

The blonde lady at the bar - They flirt and she tells him she hopes to see him later, but no indication that she ever does.

Probability: 5%

Devon - Oh man, the way he's eyeing Michael up in his hotel room. And if we're still in the pilot universe, Michael is a dead ringer for a young Wilton, whom I will never be unconvinced Devon wasn't either secretly in love with or a relationship with, s2 Devon Miles Heterosexuality Minutes be damned. We never really get any indication that Michael swings that way, though (at least with non-automotive males, *wink*).

Probability: 0%

The nurse - In the novelization she flirts with him and kisses him, but no indication of romantic interest in the actual episode.

Probability: 0%

s1e15 - Give Me Liberty... Or Give Me Death

Bonnie - He tries to ask her out, but she's busy spending the night with KITT. :D She also doesn't seem very impressed with his Liberty drama.

Probability: 0%

Liberty Cox - When she shows up in his room, he seems a lot less interested in her than she is in him, but he doesn't exactly fight her off when she starts kissing him. He tells KITT he went to bed and she went back to her room, but she's sure more pissed about not getting to ride along with him the next day than you'd think she'd be if all they'd done was smooch. Also she's back at FLAG HQ at the end so maybe she's spending some time in town.

Probability: 90%

Dorothy Ackridge - He tries to be flirtatious but she has no time for his shenanigans. she's grateful when he saves her life but doesn't express any romantic interest in him.

Probability: 0%

s1e16 - The Topaz Connection

Lauren Royce - She takes half the episode to warm up to him but they have fun in Vegas. "You do the cake, I'll do the champagne, and we'll see what else comes to mind." "Deal." Things look like they might be headed in a steamy direction as evidenced by the romantic music playing but they get cockblocked by Bob. They smooch before she gets on the bogus plane. In the last scene they kiss some more and she tells him they have some unfinished business.

Probability: 95%

s1e17 - A Nice, Indecent Little Town

KITT: Michael is... indisposed. Devon: Oh. That means he's either with a young lady or in jail.

Jobina - He's definitely turning on the charm. She helps Michael escape from jail (with KITT's assistance). "Is there anything this car can't do?" "I think a woman would be a better judge of that." "I beg your pardon?" I don't even know what that's supposed to mean but I want to believe it's something saucy. Not actually much indication onscreen that anything happened but in the last scene Michael says he hopes Jobina will stay in town and Bonnie asks if that's so he'll know where to find her. Michael responds, "Yeah, that's a thought." Possibilities here.

Probability: 50%

s1e18 - Chariot of Gold

Dr. Charlene Litton - He chats her up at the party, but it's in the line of duty. She's kind of condescending to him. She does break away from the creepy IQ cult and help Michael foil their plans, but isn't seen again.

Probability: 0%

Bonnie - They do their usual UST thing, and dance at the party until Devon cuts in. He's extremely protective of her. He talks her out of her brainwashing by telling her "We're a team, we love each other." He makes her breakfast and brings her a rose at the end. Still, no overt indication that anything beyond camaraderie happens.

Probability: 0%

s1e19 - White Bird

Stevie - Presumably they've gotten it on in the past but there was too much going on in this episode for anything to happen. Also presumably Wilton didn't do any renovations below Michael's neck so if they'd gotten it on she would have known with 100% certainty who he was.

Probability: 95% (as ML) 5% (as MK)

s1e20 - Knight Moves

Terri - He asks her to go dancing. She turns him down but finds him likable/trustworthy enough to let him give her a lift home. They seem to be bonding but when he goes in for a kiss she says goodnight and goes in the house (alone). His little smile afterwards suggests he's up for the challenge. After he saves her life and her other driver threatens to quit she tells him she really likes him and hugs her but doesn't push it further than that. She tells him the next day that it was the first time she ever wanted to kiss a man (but that she had before anyway D: ). At the end they do go dancing (and she puts on a dress because heaven forbid a tough woman should ever fail to embrace conventional femininity immediately upon being found attractive by any halfway decent dude) and it's a reasonable assumption that they did more than just *dance* until dawn. I kind of want to roast Michael a little for not being more aghast about the fact that she's kissed dudes she didn't really want to and for encouraging her to give up her Tomboy Terri persona but it was a less enlightened era and at least he didn't hit on her when she was vulnerable which is more than a lot of dudes of his time (or this one, for that matter) would have done so I'll cut him some slack.

Probability: 90%

s1e21 - Nobody Does It Better

Connie - He's checking her out on the tennis court but (spoiler alert) she gets murdered.

Probability: 0%

Flannery Roe - Things are off to a rocky start. She seems to take his "do you like to play?" at the club as a come on, pulls a gun on him (not entirely unjustifiably) when he corners her in the cul-de-sac and has him arrested on suspicion of being a stalker and/or rapist. She warms up to him a bit after he provides a comforting hug when she finds Connie's body but still gets a little shirty with him at the restaurant and turns down his offer of a ride home. She's antagonistic toward him when they meet again at the club. He saves her from the bad guys and for some reason she's back at the Foundation HQ at the end but they don't do any huggy-kissy stuff so odds are minimal.

Probability: 1%

s1e22 - Short Notice

K: Since you haven't asked, I'll tell you. It was demoralizing, demeaning. M: What? K: Police impound. M: Oh. You had me worried there for a minute.

Nicole - She keeps him at arm's length initially (understandably since she's hitching). Turns out she's another single mom, so her main preoccupation is getting her kid back, and she doesn't really care if she dicks Michael over in the process. He does get along well with her kid when they find her so that probably gets him a few points in her eyes. They hold hands after he beats all the bad guys in the western town and hug at the end but don't kiss. She's probably looking for a new dad for Natalie. He tells Natalie he hopes they'll see him again but nothing conclusive.

Probability: 10%

s2e01/02 - Goliath

Rita Wilcox - Another one where there was possible interest but probably wasn't time for anything to happen. She spends half the episode either pissed off at him or faking a relationship with Garthe, and then they're busy trying to take out Goliath. They hug after Garthe and Goliath are out of commission but don't kiss. At the end she's on her way out of town. It's unclear how much time has passed between that and the last scene but when she implies he should look her up if he's in LA, he doesn't mention that the Foundation's home base is in SoCal (or so it appears)? I don't think he's the type who wouldn't go for a woman he was interested in just because she'd hooked up with his evil twin (even if he was a little judgy when he found out she was shacking up with Garthe again), so maybe he's just not that into her.

Probability: 25%

s2e03 - Brother's Keeper

Lisa - Things aren't exactly off to a great start when he kidnaps her. She warms up to him a little by the end and they give each other a fairly chaste goodbye smooch. He says they'll see each other again and she says she hopes so. Maybe?

Probability: 30%

April: He's on a kidnapping spree and drags her to the beach at the end. Still, no real indicator that anything romantic is going to ensue.

Probability: 5%

s2e04 - Merchants of Death

Camela - They seem to keep it professional except for a goodbye kiss. Not even a "We'll see each other again." Odds are minimal.

Probability: 5%

s2e05 - Blind Spot

Julie - She's in some kind of platonic lifemate relationship with John, which may end up being more than platonic thanks to Michael's yenta-ing.

Probability: 0%

s2e06 - Return to Cadiz

Jennifer Shell - They have dinner together and she seems to open up to him but it isn't overtly romantic. They have a spat but hug and make up when he finds the secret treasure cave. She kisses him after he rescues her from the bad guys. An undisclosed amount of time has passed before they have dinner and he heads out but they do the "Will I see you again?/count on it" thing before she kisses him goodbye. It's possible, maybe even likely.

Probability: 50%

s2e07 - KITT the Cat

Grace - She's definitely flirting with him when she invites him to the party. And then tries to convince him she's not the burglar by making out with him. At the end he kisses her goodbye pretty interestedly while promising to keep a closer eye on her. Odds are good.

Probability: 85%

s2e08 - Custom KITT

Suzanne Weston - She's pretty overt about her interest in him, but when she shows up in his room he seems relieved when KITT beeps him on the comlink. She tells him he knows where to find her if he's ever in the mood for something other than "good, clean" fun, so by implication he hasn't been.

Probability: 0%

Carrie - She's into him enough to get jealous when she thinks he hooked up with Suzanne. "If our plan works and the thief tries to steal KITT tonight, you can thank me." She kisses him first, but then he kisses her and tells her that's "very close" to his way of wanting to be thanked. The implications aren't particularly subtle. They enthusiastically hug after catching the bad guys. When she wins the car show, they smooch with more "I don't know how to thank you... but I'm sure I'll think of a way" innuendo. He tells her he'll see her later, and I think it's a strong possibility that he will.

Probability: 90%

s2e09 - Soul Survivor

M: Devon, I felt something in here... I don't know, a presence... KITT's presence.

K: Oh Michael, do I look just dreadful? Be honest. M: KITT, what matters to me is who you are, not what you look like. Sure we don't have the car. So we can't turbo boost. So we can't go over 200 miles an hour. It was all icing on the cake anyway. It wasn't you. K: It wasn't? M: No, the car was fantastic but if you break it down it was steel, rubber and glass. We can always make another one. But you, you are a lot more than silicon chips and fancy circuitry, You're my buddy. You're my partner. KITT, you're one of a kind. K: Thank you, Michael. The feeling's mutual.

K: What was it like, Michael? M: What, KITT? K: Seeing my body functioning without me? Or you? M: A little spooky, let me tell ya. K: Did it seem like me? M: Yeah, it did and it didn't. It looked like you, but somehow it just wasn't the same. K: I don't understand. M: It didn't have your soul, KITT. Without that, it could never be the same. K: Thank you, Michael.

Adrianne - She techno-roofies him and the way Randy sticks his head in the door and then guiltily ducks back out as she's leaning over him on the couch kind of suggests he's walking in on something he knows he shouldn't see. Still, Michael appears to be fully clothed when he wakes up in a ditch. Adrianne is totally a creepy douchebag and/or rapist (as we will see more of in Goliath Returns) but she was probably too preoccupied with stealing KITT to do anything in this ep.

Probability: 20%

s2e10 - Ring of Fire

(This is one of two eps where Michael utters the phrase "come on, baby" to KITT while trying to get out of a jam. Obviously NBC's censors had to ruin our fun because it never happens again after this season.)

Layla - She's still married. Doesn't really express romantic interest in Michael and the hero of an 80s family hour tv series probably wouldn't have gotten it on with a married woman no matter how much of an abusive dick her husband was. They do kiss goodbye at the end and he tells her if she ever decides to leave the bayou, she knows where he'll be. If anything ever happens, it's probably in the distant future.

Probability: 5%

s2e11 - Knightmares

M: Whoa, you are hot! K: Quite true, Michael.

Cara - She tries to look out for him after he gets amnesia, but not a lot of indication that she's romantically interested in him, and he's too busy trying to figure out wtf is going on to hit on her. They hug after he rescues her from drowning but we don't see any more of them together.

Probability: 5%

s2e12 - Silent Knight

Marta - No real indication of romantic interest on either side. We don't see what they're doing as Tino is saying goodbye to KITT but considering he offered her a handshake and not a kiss or even a hug, it's probably safe to say nothing happened.

Probability: 0%

s2e13 - A Knight in Shining Armor

Katherine - She's a little young for him (Michael tells her the treasure was supposed to be her 21st birthday present so presumably she's legal but the fact that she's still in prep school makes her seem younger). Also this is another episode where he begins their acquaintance by first rescuing, then kidnapping the female lead. They don't particularly like each other at first, but hug after his "if nobody can hurt you, then nobody can love you" chat with her, again after he rescues her from the bad guy (again) and after escaping the cave collapse. It seems more friendly than romantic, though.He takes her hand in the cave but it comes off more as sharing a moment than a romantic overture. They kiss at the end but he tells her goodbye and leaves. No indication that they're going to see each other again.

Probability: 5%

s2e14 - Diamonds Aren't A Girl's Best Friend

Lauren - She makes out with him when he first shows up as part of her cover story and he clearly doesn't mind. He's pretty committed to maintaining their cover in subsequent scenes. In the last scene she tells him she'd like "to do it for real" but she's pretty clearly referring to kissing, not *it*. By implication they haven't done more than kiss at this point but when she asks if she'll see him again, he tells her "unless you change her name and move to Okinawa." Future potential.

Probability: 50%

Lauren's boss - She's kind of flirtatious with him when they first meet but no indicator that anything happens.

Probability: 0%

s2e15 - White Line Warriors

Cindy - She's with Ron, who is apparently pretty understanding since he doesn't seem to object to her giving Michael a thank-you kiss at the end.

Probability: 0%

s2e16 - Race For Life

April - He's emotionally supportive and her niece has been introduced to Michael and KITT but no significant indications of anything romantic.

Probability: 0%

s2e17 - Speed Demons

Sabrina - He comes to her rescue when Wade is harassing her at the party, They hug after she talks to him about Kelly. They give each other a chaste goodbye kiss but no real indication of romantic interest.

Probability: 0%

s2318/19 - Goliath Returns

Adrianne - This one gets an asterisk, because whatever happened in Garthe's creepy dungeon after the cutaway to a scandalized KITT didn't look consensual on Michael's side. She pretty obviously went down to there to sleep with him, and the way she staggers out in her bathrobe the next morning while Garthe bitches about how she slept in pretty strongly implies that she actually did, but Michael really seems the opposite of into her and her basically telling him "please me [in bed] and maybe I'll make sure my psycho boyfriend doesn't murder you" is rape by coercion if not by force. Did he grit his teeth and do it just to hedge his bets? Maybe.

Probability: 80%*

s20 - A Good Knight's Work

Gina - He's obviously interested and kisses her before he goes to MMM, but (spoiler alert) she's playing him. Except maybe she's not so bad because she lets him talk her out of shooting him and then they hug. They kiss goodbye at the end but she's going into witness protection and there isn't really any indication that they'll see each other again or that anything romantic transpired.

Probability: 10%

s2e21/22 - Mouth of the Snake

Joanna - She was more interested in Dalton. I deeply want to believe Dalton's invitation to Michael to hang out with them at the end was really an invitation to join them for a threesome because it's the only thing that would make this episode interesting, but Michael takes a rain check and heads out of town.

Probability: 0%

s2e23 - Let It Be Me

Stevie - She's still pretty broken up about her boyfriend's death. He kisses her when they go back to her apartment and she tells him she still dreams about him. The next scene they're wearing different clothes and seemingly some time has passed so maybe something happened after the cutaway?

Probability: 50%

s2e24 - Big Iron

Lucy - She was the woman who was coming out of the hotel room at the beginning. He seemed to be checking her out in that scene but obviously he's not going for a married woman even if she didn't have some other drama going on.

Probability: 0%

s3e01/02 - Knight of the Drones

Bonnie - They hug when he shows up at the university and he makes the "You can sail with me anytime" comment to her at the marina at the end and they link arms to walk to the boat, but not really anything more romantic than that.

Probability: 0%

Margo - She fakes romantic interest in him and he plays along, but (spoiler alert) she's setting him up to be murdered.

Probability: 0%

s3e03 - The Ice Bandits

Bonnie - They walk arm-in-arm into the diamond place, but Michael was making innuendoes about other women when she was sitting right next to him in the car 30 seconds previously so probably nothing really going on.

Probability: 5%

Jody - She's engaged to Charlie. Michael tells Charlie "She's not the one I'm interested in, it's *you*," with his standard flirtatious grin and god, that's hot. Spoiler alert: Charlie is a crook. Even after she finds out the truth she doesn't really express romantic interest in Michael although she does paint his portrait.

Probability: 5%

s3e04 - Knights of the Fast Lane

Diane - He's too preoccupied with Stacy's case to flirt. She hugs him after he rescues her but we don't see them together again.

Probability: 5%

The random cheerleader - She seems interested, but we don't see them together again either.

Probability: 5%

s3e05 - Halloween Knight

Bonnie - He's very protective. Tinhats would probably make something of the fact that her costume is Scarlett O'Hara and his is Rhett Butler. Still, nothing too overtly romantic.

Probability: 5%

Esmerelda - She'd probably put a love spell on him in a hot minute but I think he finds her a little terrifying.

Probability: 5%

Denise - She's friendly but not overly flirtatious. Also she gets murdered before anything can happen.

Probability: 0%

s3e06 - KITT vs. KARR

Mandy - She's with John. No indicators that they're interested in a threesome.

Probability: 0%

s3e07 - The Rotten Apples

Marilyn - They're hardcore flirting and she says she hopes to see him again. They kiss after he wins the mechanical bull contest, but then she catches a bus out of town. She kisses him goodbye and he does this "oh yeah, I still got it" move but we don't get any strong evidence that anything else happened.

Probability: 10%

Rebecca - Not a lot of flirtation, and the kids are always around cockblocking.

Probability: 10%

s3e08 - Knight in Disgrace

(I was almost too distracted by KITT and Michael in this ep to pay attention to the GOTW, lol. KITT's hurt confusion when Michael leaves and him being a total bitch to Michael's would-be replacement and the way he goes with Michael even when he thinks he's on the wrong side of the law, I'm *dying* here...)

Linda - She comes onto him and roofies him at the bar and he wakes up with his shirt undone, but she's Boyd's girlfriend and (spoiler alert) another hapless single mom so she probably didn't do anything untoward, assuming he was even conscious enough by the time she got him home. After she gets to know and trust him she doesn't make any moves on him and they don't smooch or anything at the end.

Probability: 5%

s3e09 - Dead of Knight

Cindy - It's not entirely clear what their relationship is. At the beginning it looks more like he's trying to pick up on her than they're actually dating. He's obviously really invested in helping her but he'd undoubtedly do the same for anybody who was in mortal peril because of him. At the end in the ambulance he calls her "baby" and says they have a date. In the last scene Cindy is leaving for Broadway soon but they're all together at the Foundation and it's unclear how much time has elapsed. Not conclusive but suggestive.

Probability: 50%

Renard's girlfriend - She's putting the moves on him while he's feverish and loopy and somehow his shirt has gotten unbuttoned but there's a guard in the room so probably nothing happened.

Probability: 10%

s3e10 - Lost Knight

"If I may be so bold, what on earth were you *doing* down there?"

(LBR, Michael is too busy angsting about KITT to try and get laid in this ep.)

Doug's mom - In a relationship, although at the end she decides to break things off with her boyfriend so she can focus more on her son. She and Michael kiss goodbye but it's improbable that there's anything more than that since she just said she doesn't need another man around right now.

Probability: 0%

s3e11 - Knight of the Chameleon

Tonie Baxter - They seem to know each other from a previous case. He kisses her on the forehead at the end of their first scene. They don't really seem to interact romantically during this episode. Michael gets distracted by KITT's contest winnings before they have a chance for a goodbye kiss.

Probability: 10%

s3e12 - Custom Made Killer

Unnamed Dancer (offscreen) - Devon: "You've been rather difficult to reach lately. Particularly last night." Michael: "I got a weakness for dancers." HIs protest that they're "innocent girls working their way through college" leaves little doubt about what kind of dancer this was.

Probability: 95%

Joan - No evidence of romantic interest. Also (spoiler alert) she's collaborating with the bad guys.

Probability: 0%

Debra - He flirts at the end and she kisses him goodbye. Lewis says "He'll be back" and she gives a suggestive eyebrow raise. Possible but not conclusive.

Probability: 25%

s3e13 - Knight By A Nose

M: KITT, how close are you? It's getting stuffy in here. K: Any closer and I'll have to marry this limo.

Maxine - They hug and he calls her "sweetheart" when he shows up. Devon accuses Michael of being biased because Max is attractive but he describes her as "a very, very close friend." Yet we never actually see them kiss. Maybe they really are just friends?

Probability: 25%

s3e14 - Junkyard Dog

Fran - He's too preoccupied with KITT to do much flirting for most of the episode, but they're having a picnic/makeout session together in the semi, seemingly alone, at the end. It's a reasonable assumption that things escalated at some point, even if they didn't want a scandalized KITT watching and commenting at that particular moment.

Probability: 80%

s3e15 - Buy Out

Mel - They keep it professional for most of the ep but after he catches the bad guy he tells her she's attractive without her welding mask and they kiss. We don't see them together again but it's possible that more happened.

Probability: 50%

s3e16 - Knightlines

Janet Morgan - She's recently widowed and not in the market yet. No romantic interaction.

Probability: 0%

s3e17 - The Nineteenth Hole

Daisy: Is that thing blown? KITT: I beg your pardon?

Jamie - After they fake being married at the hotel she kisses him before the race. Not a lot of other romantic interaction but he and Bonnie and Devon do seem to be sticking around to watch the race so something could happen.

Probability: 50%

Daisy - He flirts with her a little at the meetup but no indication that it goes beyond that.

Probability: 0%

s3e18 - Knight and Knerd

Allie - She rides off into the sunset with Elliot.

Probability: 0%

Receptionist at Gifford's - He flirts but no indication that it goes anywhere.

Probability: 0%

Vanessa Sutton - Apparently he gives a really good massage but she's (understandably) pissed off that he wasn't who she was expecting the massage from. Also she's a villain and is too busy setting him up to get murdered for anything to happen.

Probability: 0%

s3e19 - Ten Wheel Trouble

M: Hey, are you hungry back there, partner? K: Perhaps a little lonely, Michael. But rather enjoying my independence.

Sally - He turns on the charm when they first meet but things go south rapidly when he talks her brother into going to jail. By the end he's back in her good graces and she likes him enough to steal a kiss from him before he says goodbye. You know her hormonal teenage brain is thinking about it but for reasons that should be obvious, he isn't going there.

Probability: 0%

s3e20 - Knight In Retreat

KITT: Of course, there is one other possibility. Devon: What is that? KITT: The lady of the retreat. She's quite attractive. Of course, knowing Michael the way I do, it would strictly be in the line of duty.

Bianca - She seems to find him physically attractive, and maybe if she hadn't been so busy torturing him she would have tried to have a little fun with him. But considering what he suspects her of, he probably wouldn't have gone too far unless he absolutely had to.

Probability: 0%

Monica - She flirts with him at the bar and comments on what a waste it is to kill him, but nothing is likely to have happened due to both time constraints and her being Bianca's henchwoman.

Probability: 0%

s3e21 - Knight Strike

Sheila - She acts jealous when he makes the date with Tyler but he seems more exasperated than romantically interested in her. They kiss before he goes into the warehouse but it's fairly short and chaste. At the end, she goes off with O'Malley.

Probability: 0%

Tyler - She makes a date with him at the gun range but it's just a distraction. He flirts with her but it's all in the line of duty.

Probability: 0%

s3e22 - Circus Knights

Bonnie: I have to admit, Devon, he looks fantastic. Devon: Yes, in spite of that ridiculous costume he's wearing. Bonnie: No, I'm talking about KITT!

Terri - They keep things professional at first, although when they're in the car together she asks if circus-folk camaraderie is the only reason he's interested in helping her. He says he's be lying if he said yes and presumably she reads it as him being interested romantically. After his near-murder in the ring they have a heart-to-heart talk and kiss. At the end he tells her to call him if she needs anything. *Anything?* Hmmm...

Probability: 50%

Tiger - She hits on him but he's not into it.

Probability: 0%

s4e01/02 - Knight of the Juggernaut

K: I'm asking you how I look. M: You look great, same as always!

Marta - They have some chemistry in their first meeting. He asks her out when they get back to her apartment. But (spoiler alert) she's part of the conspiracy to steal the cernium and sets him up to get murdered (twice). He cools it on the flirting after the first incident (understandably, since if he takes her story at face value she was assaulted and possibly worse) although he still acts protective of her. After she helps them get the bad guys she's hanging out with the Foundation crew at the end but we don't see any more romantic interaction.

Probability: 25%

Jennifer - No overtly romantic interaction. They're antagonistic for most of the episode although they make up at the end.

Probability: 0%

s4e03 - KITTnap

Karen - She's doing her doctoral thesis on KITT and spending a lot of time with Michael in the progress. Judging by the way they're holding hands in their first scene and then making out at her apartment, there's obvious romantic interest. And she clearly has more than academic interest even after (spoiler alert) she gets held hostage by the bad guys so it's a reasonable assumption that if they weren't already banging they're going to at some point.

Probability: 95%

s4e04 - Sky Knight

Bonnie - He's pretty touchy-feely at the airport and they hug after saving the day but no overt romance.

Probability: 5%

s4e05 - Burial Ground

Susan - They keep it professional for most of the episode. He tries to hit on her at the end but she's in a relationship with Eagle. That doesn't stop her from giving him a goodbye kiss but no indicator that it goes any further than that.

Probability: 0%

s4e06 - The Wrong Crowd

Ann - She spends most of the episode being menaced and/or held hostage by the bikers and we don't really see them interact with each other in a non-case-related way.

Probability: 0%

RC - Michael is very tenderly concerned when he finds him knocked out by the side of the road. But probably neither of them swing that way.

Probability: 0%

s4e07 - Knight Sting

Gaye - She seems young. And also kind of annoying. He hugs her in the hospital but it doesn't look particularly romantic. No evidence of interest on either side.

Probability: 0%

Bonnie - He flirts with her when they're planning the operation and she shows him her dress. The rest of the episode they're too busy with the mission for any shenanigans.

Probability: 0%

RC - He's clearly been raiding Michael's closet for that sweater. But Michael is cool with it. No overt indication that they're more than bros, though.

Probability: 0%

s4e08 - Many Happy Returns

Amy - He's flirting up a storm but whoops, Devon is cockblocking and she's actually there with a mission for him. However, it's not all business and she surprises him with a birthday cupcake and some birthday smoochin', until duty calls again. She makes some innuendo about "getting to adolescence and maturity later" as he's leaving so she's obviously willing to take a rain check. She's back in the semi with them at the end and Michael invites her on vacation with him. We don't see her answer but it's a safe bet it's a yes.

Probability: 95%

s4e09 - Knight Racer

Elena - At first it's all business but they seem to be having fun dancing at the reception. They have a heart-to-heart talk in the parking lot until the hit man shows up. They hug after the big reveal about Elena's dad and the fight with Wayne's partner but don't kiss. Maybe Michael would think twice about getting involved with a friend of Bonnie's.

Probability: 10%

Unnamed track bunnies - Michael says it wasn't easy ignoring all those trophy queens and their phone numbers, implying that he did indeed ignore them (maybe more because he had to get back to the office than out of disinterest).

Probability: 0%

s4e10 - Knight Behind Bars

Julie - He agrees with KITT that she's cute, but they don't really express romantic interest to each other beyond a hug after he tosses Nelson into the ocean. Also at 20 she's a little young for him.

Probability: 0%

Gymnastics instructor - She flirtatiously tells him she's free the rest of the day, but he isn't. No indication that they see each other again.

Probability: 0%

s4e11 - Knight Song

Bonnie and/or RC - They're all playing hookie together and conspiring to keep it from Devon. Shenanigans?

Probability: 5%

Sanford - No indication of romantic interest, also she's a villain.

Probability: 0%

s4e12 - The Scent of Roses

K: I'm sorry, they don't allow cars in hospitals. I would have been closer. M: I know you would.

Stevie - They appear to have been staying at the beach house together so it's a safe bet, even if (spoiler alert) they never got to consummate their marriage.

Probability: 95%

s4e13 - Killer KITT

"Not now, Michael. I have a headache."

Bronwen - She and Michael barely interact, plus she's probably Berio's girlfriend.

Probability: 0%

s4e14 - Out of the Woods

Sam - He's flirtatious when they first get reacquainted but too busy working on the case for anything to happen before it's revealed that (spoiler alert) she's a villain. He does hug her when she surrenders at the end but I assume that trying to murder him is a dealbreaker.

Probability: 0%

Ellen - No real evidence of romantic interest and she says goodbye with a handshake rather than a kiss.

Probability: 0%

s4e15 - Deadly Knightshade

Bonnie - She's more preoccupied with Templeton. He does give her a swan in his magic act at the end.

Probability: 0%

Nancy - He's too busy with the investigation to even do much flirting.

Probability: 0%

s4e16 - Redemption of a Champion

Miss Cooper - Michael obviously has a hot date that most likely would have ended with some lovin' if he hadn't once again been cockblocked by KITT and Devon. At the end, Michael is dressed up for Date Night, Take 2, but gets called back to the semi again. Does she give him a third chance? I mean, *I* would...

Probability: 50%

Nurse Tremount - He flirts with her to get info and comforts her after she breaks down and confesses to the scam but no indication that it goes further than that. Plus she’s in an adulterous relationship with the villainous doctor.

Probability: 0%

s4e17 - Knight of A Thousand Devils

Claudia Terrell - She's a villain. When she makes a pseudo-date with him it's just to set him up.

Probability: 0%

Agent Jonas - They bet dinner on the arrest and Michael seems to be taking his death extremely personally. Juggernaut slash ships have been built on less. If he were a chick I'd say "extremely probable" except for the fact that Jonas was married with kids. Not that it stops some people, but it would most likely stop Michael.

Probability: 0%

"Ana-Lucia" - She keeps him up all night working on her car and he says he's going to come back after the race is over and demand equal time. Her response: "You won't have to demand." Plot twist: She's actually a Federale. We don't see her again after they apprehend the bad guy so it's questionable whether their flirtation was still valid for her real identity.

Probability: 10%

s4e18 - Hills of Fire

Sandra Rusk - Barely any interaction and also she's a villain.

Probability: 0%

Tess Hubbard: No significant romantic interaction. Probably too busy with her charitable work to go chasing after pretty-boys.

Probability: 0%

s4e19 - Knight Flight to Freedom

Lisa - Too busy dealing with a revolution for any shenanigans.

Probability: 0%

s4e20 - Fright Night

Karen - They keep things mostly professional but she buys him lunch at the end. No real indicator that it ends in anything romantic, though.

Probability: 5%

Liz - They flirt a little when he interviews her ("I appreciate your interest." "I'm interested!") but it doesn't really go anywhere.

Probability: 5%

s4e21 - Knight of the Rising Sun

N/A - No female guest characters and nothing particularly shippy with Bonnie.

Probability: 0%

s4e22 - Voo Doo Knight

Harana - She's a little flirtatious at the party. When she puts one of her zombifying earrings on him, she gets a little touchy-feely and tells him they could have had a future together but there are two of her goons in the room and she's sending him to the soon-to-be-demolished building so she probably doesn't have time to take advantage of him even if she wanted to do it with an audience.

Probability: 0%

Elizabeth - Michael nudges Devon into letting her stay an extra few days, and she seems pretty good with that. We don't see them kiss but they're engaged in a pretty intense hug at the end.

Probability: 90%

...at least he got to go out with a bang?

#knight rider #is srs bsns #long post #this was a much better use for my time #than my hamfisted car repair #and less likely to result in death by misadventure #than trying to clean the gutters

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kozumebunny · 4 years

Text

Unconventional (Atsumu-centric)

synopsis: It’s hard to love someone for his faults when his faults are the form of his boyfriend and his adultery.

note: this is out of order. this is the middle of the story. I haven’t written the first part or the end but I have them fairly mapped out. This is poly atsuhina but this is atsumu centric. keep an eye out for part one and part three which I will probably post at the same time. also, some of these scenes are so so pretty to me so watch out because I’m going to draw and post some of these scenes.

containing: 2.2k, she her pronouns for reader, implied smut

ACT 2

Scene 1 - INT. THERAPIST OFFICE

Basic therapist office. Two couches across from each other. A coffee table sits in between them. There is only one cup of coffee on the table. We see the backs of three people on one couch: one woman sits to the far left. Two men sit to the far right. One is looking at her. In the space between them, we can see the couch across from them with a therapist, clipboard in her lap.

THERAPIST: These sessions are meant to help you, (y/n). They want to work things out with you, why don’t you want to?

We see the woman. She is ISOLATED from everyone else. She is curled up on the couch, shoes off, picking at her toenails. She gives a half assed shrug.

(Y/N): I just can’t find it in me to care anymore.

SHOYO sits on the same couch as her but at the opposite end. He is WORRIED. ATSUMU sits next to him, hands intertwined, and he WATCHES her. Her face is looking at the ground, hair covering her face. She seems borderline CATATONIC.

SHOYO: (quietly) You said you still loved me.

(Y/N): (still not looking up) And I do. But it just hurts and I’m tired of stressing and caring.

ATSUMU: (He is starting to get annoyed) So, what? Yer fucking solution is to just shut down? Cry?

(Y/N): (She looks up and she is angry.) Fuck you Miya! You think I don’t know you’ve been laughing at me this whole goddamn time-

ATSUMU: (He angles his whole body to face her.) When have I fucking laughed? Sho and I have been nothing but patient this past year and you’ve been nothing but a fucking bitch-

THERAPIST: Atsumu, (y/n), please don’t yell in my office-

SHOYO: Atsumu, please she just needs time she’s hurt-

(Y/N): Fuck you Atsumu and fuck this. I’m tired of you acting like I’m at fault when you’re the one who Hinata-

(SHOYO: (offscreen) Shoyo, (y/n) please call me Sho-)

(Y/N): Just shut up Shoyo haven’t you done enough-

ATSUMU: oh fuck off, so what he cheated? He’s here trying to make things right and you’re just-

(Y/N) stands up. She’s putting her shoes on. She ignores ATSUMU staring at her. She ignores SHOYO’s pleas for her to stay and talk it out. The camera follows as she leaves the room, we watch SHOYO chase after her, desperately grabbing onto her sweater. He is CRYING. She stops, turns, and puts a hand on his face. Her mouth moves but we cannot hear her and we

CUT TO

Scene 2 - EXT: CHERRY BLOSSOM STREET

It is a street, cobblestones, lined with cherry blossoms. There is no music. It is raw and romantic and heartbreaking. She sits in the middle of the empty street. Her back is to the camera. The cherry blossoms silently fall. A man with blonde hair and an undercut join her. He crouches. He has on a hat and sunglasses. And we CUT CLOSER, still facing their backs.

ATSUMU: I got you coffee.

He holds it out to her. She does not turn to acknowledge him or accept it.

ATSUMU: C’mon doll. Take the coffee.

She silently holds out her hand and he puts the cup of coffee in it.

ATSUMU: Remember when I first found you here? Shoyo was scared shitless that day. He came home, found the Dear John letter to me instead of him, a duffel, and a buncha yer clothes gone. He was terrified (Y/n). He loves you, you know that right?

(Y/N): (quietly) I don’t think I can really love him again Miya. It hurts so much.

ATSUMU: This is about him cheating, huh doll?

(Y/N): Yes and no.

ATSUMU: Oh? Don’t worry. You weren’t the side piece. I was. And truthfully, I was jealous of ya. Wanted to be the one kissin’ him and holdin’ his hand in public so bad.

(Y/N): It wasn’t teasing when you were talking about Hinata, was it?

ATSUMU: What’re ya talkin’ about?

(Y/N): A year and a half ago. Whenever you ran into me you’d have this smug look on your face when you’d help Hinata stretch. When you’d tell me whatever you and Hinata were supposedly up to during practice.

ATSUMU: (Y/N) we never fucked durin’ practice. Honest.

He brushes some hair behind her ear. She looks at him.

(Y/N): I’ve waited six years for Shoyo to take me on a date here. He promised me back in high school.

ATSUMU: (frowning) What’re you sayin’?

(Y/N): Remember when we first started working this out? And he’d just bail on every date for me for you?

ATSUMU: (Y/n) he didn’t-

(Y/N): He will always choose you Atsumu. Don’t ever doubt that.

She starts to look away. Her hair falls in her face again. ATSUMU cups her face and turns it to him. He puts his forehead against hers. It is intimate and raw.

ATSUMU: Then let’s call this a date. Screw Sho’s promise, I’ll make ya a promise.

His eyes flick to her lips. She is still staring at him.

ATSUMU: If Sho ever starts slippin’ showin ya love-

He angles her head to kiss her forehead, trailing his nose down her face back to her lips as he speaks--

ATSUMU: Count on me to pick up the slack. Yer important to Sho and he loves ya, so I’ll do whatever it takes to keep you around, yeah?

He kisses her once. Then again. And again. He starts peppering her face with kisses before his hands go to her neck, when she starts laughing.

ATSUMU: Oh? Yer ticklish? Why’d ya never tell me, huh?

(Y/N): (in between laughs) Stop that Atsumu!

ATSUMU stops. He stands up and pulls her with him, leading her back toward the city.

ATSUMU: Every date Sho’s missed, let me pick up the slack there too, yeah?

CUT TO

Scene 3--Night Food Stall Market

I’ve been to a place like this once in Taiwan. It’s held in the middle of outdoor shopping centers that should be malls. The buildings are huge, you can mistake them for corporate office buildings, high rise hotels even, but on closer inspection you see clothes and mannequins in the windows. Nike. Reebok. Forever 21. Apple. They’re all there. It is busy. The spacious walkways between these buildings are crammed with lines of food stalls. There’s steam, food, and many people shouting out their foods. Some even have fish tanks to advertise how fresh their food is. Vendors wear anything from yukatas, uniforms, and street clothes. There are hardly any spaces to sit. It is bright colored and friendly. It makes you feel like a teenager, watching it all happen.

ATSUMU has his arm around (Y/N). He is guiding her through the night market. ATSUMU still wears a hat, no sunglasses.

ATSUMU: This beats moping all afternoon in the cherry blossom grove, huh doll?

(Y/N): (looking around, interested) It’s… interesting.

ATSUMU: (whining) Come oooooon doll! Just say good ol’ Tsumu picked out the best spot for a date!

(Y/N): (teasing) How many other girls have you been here with Miya?

ATSUMU: (horrified) Doll, I swear yer the only one-

(Y/N): (small smile) I’m teasing Miya.

ATSUMU: (surprised) Oh yeah? (teasing her back) Why don't you tease me with a little lap dance little one?

(Y/N): (blushing) We are in public Atsumu! (a swat to his chest)

ATSUMU looks up and starts sniffing the air. He is looking around, spots a vendor and walks over. It is a stall serving onigiri, we see OSAMU MIYA serving people onigiri in rapid succession.

ATSUMU: (yelling) ‘Samu! Cash me in some free onigiri!

OSAMU: (looking over) Price is doubled for family.

ATSUMU makes his way over dragging (Y/N) with him.

ATSUMU: (pleading) Come ooooon ‘Samu! For (y/n)? I’m taking her on a date ‘Samu.

ATSUMU looks at OSAMU with puppy dog eyes. OSAMU sighs and gives two rice balls on a tray to ATSUMU.

OSAMU: (irritated) Now will both of ya bug off?

ATSUMU: (eating, and handing one to (y/n)) ‘Anks ‘Amu!

ATSUMU leads her to a bench, still by the crowd, as she finishes eating her rice ball. They are people watching. ATSUMU is stealing glances at her.

ATSUMU: (staring at the crowd) Ya didn’t have a bag with ya this time. Why?

(Y/N): (quietly) I don’t know.

ATSUMU: Are ya gonna leave us doll?

(Y/N): (exhaling) it’s not even really you anymore, ‘Tsumu. It’s Hinata. It’s just hard. It hurts.

ATSUMU: Why don’t ya wanna talk to him?

(Y/N): It just hurts ‘Tsumu.

They sit in silence for a bit before ATSUMU pulls her up and walks around with her, leading through alleys, dancing with her to music drifting out from bars and shops. She is laughing and happy. They are relaxed, taking their time as ATSUMU leads them somewhere. He knows where he is going.

Eventually they come to a building, an apartment complex. ATSUMU has her face in his hands, nose to nose, he looks at her with quiet longing.

ATSUMU: (whispering) I’ve had you for myself all day princess. Can I have ya for the night too?

(Y/N): Miya-

ATSUMU: Do you want this?

(Y/N): (hesitating) Yes, I do.

ATSUMU starts kissing her. We watch him push his back against the door, holding it open for the both of them before he goes into the elevator, lifting her up so she can wrap her legs around his waist.

CUT TO

Scene 4--Atsumu’s Apartment

(Y/N) is laying on top of ATSUMU’s chest. The lights are off and the tv is the only thing giving light. ATSUMU is idly tracing shapes down her back. He turns his head to talk to her.

ATSUMU: (quietly) You’ll go to therapy and talk to Sho tomorrow right?

(Y/N): Promise you’ll be there?

ATSUMU: Swear on it doll.

ATSUMU kisses her forehead.

ATSUMU: Good night princess.

CUT TO

Scene 1--INT THERAPIST OFFICE

It’s the same set up. Two couches and a coffee table in between. Still one cup of coffee on the table. It’s different this time. (Y/N) sits at one side of the couch, ATSUMU sits in the middle, SHOYO on the other side of ATSUMU.

THERAPIST: And what made you decide to take a chance on Atsumu?

(Y/N): He’s never hurt me and I don’t think he ever would.

THERAPIST: And Shoyo?

(Y/N) lets out an exhale. She curls her hands in her lap inwards. ATSUMU rubs his thumb over one of the hands.

(Y/N): Yeah. I’ll talk to Shoyo.

#atsumu miya #atsumu miya x reader #atsumu x reader #hinata x reader #hinata shouyo x reader #hinata shoyo #atsuhina #haikyuu reader insert #haikyuu x reader #haikyuu smut

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unexpectedreylo · 5 years

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Here It Is: My Spoilerific Review/Post Mortem of TROS

When I saw The Last Jedi two years ago, the movie haunted me for days, for weeks, for months. It inspired the imagination, dragging me into the world of Reylo and reassuring whatever reservations I had about the post-Lucas sequel trilogy.

The Rise of Skywalker haunts me too but more in a “Demon House” kind of way. It fires up the imagination, but more in the sense that it keeps you up at night thinking of all of the ways it could’ve been better.

This isn’t to say I hate the movie. I don’t. It’s not even entirely or mostly bad which is what makes it extra frustrating. You can laugh your way through a total disaster like “Cats” or “The Room” but a movie with plenty of promise and of talent behind it that makes some bad decisions is tragic. Especially since this is the closing chapter to a trilogy and the saga itself.

You can see there are bones for what could’ve been a really good, maybe even great movie. One of my favorite parts was the opener where Kylo Ren literally descends into hell/the underworld to confront the devil for no other reason than he didn’t even want Satan above him, a man who serves no gods or devils. (That right there is a classic Byronic hero.) Exogol is a great haunted house/spooky setting. The revelation that it was Palpatine manipulating him all along was a shocker and makes Ben’s story that much more poignant. I also really liked the contrast with Rey’s introduction, a beautiful shot of her in the verdant forest floating among rocks as she’s meditating. She is Persephone in her element (which makes the ending all that more baffling but don’t worry, I’m getting to that).

This sets the stage for the revelation that the two are part of an intriguing concept, a Force dyad, kind of a Star Wars version of soulmates maybe even twin flames. The two just had to acknowledge the feelings between them, reunite, and take out the Sith trash while Rey finally confronts her own dark side. I don’t mind the latter concept at all because with the trilogy’s thickest plot armor, I think it’s valuable to put her in some peril and to have her better understand Kylo/Ben.

Abrams also wanted to recapture the feel of 1980s blockbusters like the Indiana Jones films or The Goonies, both made by his old mentor Steven Spielberg. That’s most palpable when the Space Scoops Troop, er “trio,” falls into quicksand and pokes around an underground cave looking for one of the film’s many MacGuffins. Abrams does good set pieces and powers them along with snappy dialogue. Like TFA, it’s peppered with some genuinely funny scenes.

If nothing else, you can’t blame the cast for any of the film’s problems. Everyone does the best they can with what they’re given and the long-standing chemistry between various pairs (Adam and Daisy, John and Oscar, Adam and Harrison Ford for example) do a lot to serve their scenes. I think Oscar’s best scene was when he confesses to Leia lying in state that he doesn’t know if he can be the leader the Resistance needs. It’s an honest, human moment. Daisy continues to infuse Rey with her natural luminance. I particularly liked the few quiet moments she has, such as meeting the children on Pasaana or healing the snake. It shows her compassion and foreshadows healing Ben.

Daisy does pretty well with what she is given about struggling with her dark side. (Remember, she didn’t write her own screenplay.) Maybe it’s unpopular to say this but I kind of liked her brief turn as “Dark Rey.” I have no doubt had she turned dark she would be pretty scary. Her desire for revenge and fear of her own nature--driven by genetics or not--were intriguing concepts and I thought she tried to make the most of it in her performance.

Ah Adam Driver. God bless that man. He brings his considerable A-game 100% of the time no matter what and it shows. He could sell sand on Tatooine. I have no idea why they put the mask back on him other than a marketing department decision as I suspected, but taking it off when he’s making his appeal to Rey before she leaps out to the Falcon carries a gravity few people can pull off. His reconciliation with Han was one of the film’s highlights. For once the repetitive nature of the script actually worked in TROS’s favor, as Kylo retraces his steps in that fateful scene from TFA and finds a way to clear his conscience. I also think this was originally meant to help the audience forgive him, especially since right after this he renounces the dark side. Which makes later choices baffling, which I’ll get to. Driver’s shiniest shining moment though is when he is once again Ben Solo. Deprived of dialogue for the rest of the film other than “ow,” he nevertheless manages to convey a different personality that is very much Han Solo’s son. His fight scene is right out of a 1970s martial arts movie, imbued with determination and sass. I want to see a trilogy about THAT guy.

The Reylo scenes are, well, until it goes south, wonderful. Some of us would’ve preferred a lot less fighting but I see it as mostly Rey trying to deny herself and Kylo not being sure if he really wants Rey to turn to the dark side. (On that note, I wish we’d seen Rey’s vision of sharing a throne with Kylo rather than just hear her talk about it.) As I predicted, the turning point of the relationship came after the lightsaber battle on the Death Star wreckage. I find it interesting that Kylo hesitates to kill Rey--partially because of his mother’s influence--and it’s she who could’ve killed him. She immediately recognizes the dark side was turning her into something she didn’t want to be and nearly costs her the man that deep down she loves. She heals him completely and along with her confession that she would’ve taken Ben’s hand, his soul is nearly healed by the power of love alone. Which makes the film’s later choices baffling. If you think about it, Ben’s turn is even more dramatic than Vader’s. Vader chose his son over the Emperor at the last minute, some inkling of his light still there shining through at the right moment under duress. Ben flat out rejects the dark side of his own volition. That is pretty powerful. Which makes the ending far more painful.

Rey and Ben’s one big romantic moment was tender and sweet and that was a pretty good kiss. We finally get to see Ben’s big toothy grin. Even though we all hate it, Driver did an amazing job conveying first his sorrow over Rey, then his relief, his joy, his love, and finally his strength leaving him.

Visually, the film looks great. I think J.J. did an even better job shooting this film than TFA. Adding to the visuals is the fabulous art direction. They hired supervising art director Paul Inglis immediately after his previous flick Blade Runner 2049 came out, and that decision paid off. This leaves the film with a number of beautifully-rendered scenes, whether it’s the haunted house scary underworld beneath Exogol, Kylo Ren’s starkly white quarters, the landscapes of Pasaana, the stormy seas around the Death Star II’s wreckage, the shot of Rey hesitating in the Star Destroyer’s hangar before leaping out to the Falcon, or Rey meditating among the floating rocks during her introduction.

I liked D-O and Babu Frick. I even liked the lady who complimented Kylo’s helmet.

Where do I start having problems? The first time I saw the movie the scenes with Leia didn’t bother me but the second time I saw it, it was far more apparent they wrote around the bits of footage they had left. It was a valiant effort to make Carrie Fisher part of the last film she never had the chance to perform in but it didn’t feel organic. Since Leia dies during the movie anyway, I don’t know why having her pass away offscreen in between TLJ and TROS is less merciful to the audience than having her body lie beneath a sheet for half the film. No wonder Billie Lourd skipped the premiere of this flick. I couldn’t take it if it were my mother either.

On my second viewing, the Resistance base scenes started to get on my nerves. Maybe it’s because I got tired of looking at the same group of like 10 people over and over. Maybe I was annoyed that the only purpose of those scenes was to earnestly spout exposition. Now, exposition is important. I’m surprised Abrams, notorious for not bothering with it even if it’s necessary, even did this much. But there was something about George Lucas’s Rebel base scenes that made these people look and act like guerrilla soldiers. Maybe it was Lucas’s experience shooting films with Navy guys as a student, or his documentary style. Abrams’s Resistance behave more like college students and activists than soldiers.

But TROS’s biggest problems lie in its breakneck pacing and its writing. Parts that should’ve had greater emotional resonance don’t because it moves along too fast. I would’ve sacrificed one of the set pieces/action scenes or chuck one of the pointless new characters for the sake of deepening the relationship between Kylo and Rey or showing us more Ben Solo.

Some of the characterizations seemed off. I know a lot of fans are deeply unhappy Rose Tico didn’t get to do much but I was surprised to see her in it even to the degree she was there. What gets me about the whole Rose thing was her relationship with Finn is totally forgotten FOR NO REASON. Really, why drop it? There was no narrative purpose for doing so!

General Hux is totally wasted in this film, reduced to little more than a cameo. Sure it might be a surprising twist that “I am the spy!!!” (LOL) but his reasons for it are totally OOC. He might despise Kylo Ren but to the point of helping the Resistance? This is the guy who cheerfully blew up the Hosnian Prime system and wanted to blow up more. He’s evil, a psychopath, a true believer in the First Order. He might give the Resistance a tip that would result in embarrassing Kylo Rey and use that to start a coup against him but just helping the Resistance out of petulance and spite? Nah.

Poe tries in this film to be a combination of rogue and deadly earnest idealist, but you generally don’t find those two qualities in the same person. One second he’s talking about smuggling space dope, the next second he’s saying stuff like “Good people will fight if we lead them!”

Finn, God love him, is reduced to largely running around yelling, “Reeeey!” and eagerly trying to tell Rey something but the film never really got around to what it was. It wasn’t until a Q&A session that Abrams revealed Finn was trying to tell Rey he was Force sensitive (something that should’ve been developed over the course of the trilogy). Abrams had time to show us a random lesbian kiss for representation points, but no time for Finn to tell Rey he was Force sensitive? Huh?

The story not only contradicts the previous films--I wonder if Abrams even saw his own movie TFA much less anything else besides the OT--it contradicts itself throughout. Palpatine’s return is never really explained and his motives with Rey keep changing. MacGuffins are added on top of MacGuffins with side missions thrown in. Chewbacca is blown up then he’s miraculously alive on another transport we didn’t see. Abrams and Chris Terrio didn’t just add to Rey’s origins, they blatantly spackled over it and TLJ’s overall message. Discovering one is of evil origins is a gothic storytelling trope but really, it should’ve been developed since the first film so it doesn’t feel like whiplash from something else. Everyone keeps telling Rey don’t be afraid of who you really are, but Rey ultimately does nothing but run from who she really is. With each reversal, retcon, or contradiction in the film, it leaves a mess. We’re supposed to believe Rey was better off sold to Unkar Plutt than be with her not-so-bad parents? Who the bloody hell had sex with Darth Sidious? You mean to tell me Luke and Leia knew all along Rey was a Palpatine but they never bothered to say anything and somehow they had more confidence in her than in their own flesh and blood? Oh while we’re at it, I noticed the second time I saw the movie they straight up gave away Ben’s death before it happened! WTF? “Leia saw her son’s death at the end of her Jedi path.” It seems like Luke and Leia were resigned to Ben’s fate as some horrible destiny that couldn’t be changed but Rey was still an open book to them. That’s so stupid and really fellow OT fans, how does this respect our childhood faves? Han comes off as the only decent person in this thing.

Rey and Ben taking on the Emperor was a great applause moment, the dyad unified against the ultimate evil. For the most part it was fantastic...until The Yeetening. Two things annoy me about the remainder of the conflict against Palpatine. One, Rey and Ben should have destroyed Palpatine together. If Rey could do it on her own then what the hell did she need Ben for? He could’ve sat out the rest of the movie at Starbucks and remained alive while Rey killed Palps on her own. There’s no point to their combined power because it wasn't necessary. Two, while poor redeemed I-turned-back-to-the-light Ben was crawling up the pit with no help from anyone, every good guy we ever knew of in Star Wars, even from the cartoons, is giving a voice over pep talk to Rey. (It seems cheap too since we don’t see the characters. Avengers Endgame did this kind of thing far better.) How about if the pep talk was given to the BOTH of them? That Anakin Skywalker, the man Ben had idolized, had time to say “wakey-wakey” to his tormentor’s granddaughter and not his own grandson is appalling. The third thing is while Darth Vader defeated Palpatine with the love for his son and his long-gone wife, Rey defeats Palpatine simply with power. Rey and Ben’s love for each other could’ve been the force that defeats the Sith once and for all but for some reason it doesn’t occur to Abrams and Terrio.

I could’ve forgiven most of this--the jar of Snickles and all--had they got the resolution right. But they didn’t.

ROTJ and ROTS’s endings were masterful. ROTJ gives you an idea of what trajectory our heroes were likely to follow: Han and Leia were going to end up together, Luke was going to bring forth the next generation of Jedi. ROTS sets up Obi-Wan on Tatooine, Yoda on Dagobah, Leia on Alderaan, Luke on Tatooine, Darth Vader on a Star Destroyer, and poor Padmé on her way to Star Wars Heaven. I have no idea what happens to Finn. Maybe he’ll train with Rey. Maybe he’ll go to college. Maybe he’ll backpack through Europe. I have no idea. His story just stops. Same deal with Poe. Aside from getting shot down by Zorii, what’s he going to do? The film gives zero indication. It goes from the Free Hugs session to Rey squatting at the old Lars homestead.

The biggest crimes though occur to Ben and Rey. Ben’s death sucked all of the air out of the film. Yes, it’s beautiful that Ben loved Rey so much and so selflessly he was willing to surrender his life for hers. It’s beautiful that it never mattered to Ben who Rey was, whether it was “nobody” in the last movie or the granddaughter of his tormentor/enemy in this one. Had the Palpatine concept been there all along, there would’ve been something sweet about healing the rift originating in the prequels. But I wanted Ben to live. I wanted for once for someone to address the issue of atonement but Terrio and Abrams were too lazy to bother. If The Grinch could be redeemed AND find atonement with those he wronged in a 30 minute Christmas special with commercials, then why not Ben Solo in a 150-minute movie?

I could have lived with a sacrifice arc though had it been handled correctly. But they flubbed it big time. The sacrifice isn’t honored at all. He just dies, he vanishes as Leia’s body vanishes, and he’s “never to be seen again.” Or mentioned. Rey barely reacts on camera. It’s as though reviving Ben from certain death, choosing good over evil, making a valiant attempt to save his girlfriend armed only with a blaster, and giving his life for hers weren’t valued by anyone. The movie didn’t give a damn. When Vader died in ROTJ, he at least had final words with Luke who then burns Vader’s remains on a pyre. We see Anakin restored to his true self join the Force Ghost crew at the end of the movie. We got none of this with Ben.

It’s also the most frustrating and disappointing disruption of a romantic arc since 1980′s “Somewhere In Time.” In that film, Christopher Reeve travels back to 1912 and finds true love with Jane Seymour. Everything is going great and Reeve’s character has made the choice to stay in that time and marry Seymour. Then he pulls out a 1979 penny and is sent “back to the future” as Seymour screams. At least that film though had the decency to reunite the love birds in the afterlife. Which might explain why the movie still has a cult following to this day. Tragic love stories always make sure there’s some kind of catharsis for the audience. Rose takes Jack’s name, lives her life as he asked her to do for him, tells his story, and reunites with him when she dies. Romeo and Juliet are united in death and the healing of their respective houses begins. Even Padmé got a state funeral and had the legacy of her children. There was no such catharsis for Rey and Ben.

Rey ends up right where she started: alone and in the desert. She got the Dorothy ending, there’s no place like home. But the difference is Dorothy is a child not yet ready for the big scary world and the answers to her problems weren’t out there but right where she was. Rey is a grown woman. She should’ve been treated like one. Instead she is deprived of her lover/soulmate and while such a separation should have been painful, it doesn’t even register. She has a “found family” but they’re not there with her. She’s in a home others tried to escape from, haunted by ghosts instead of being among those she loves. Taking the Skywalker name seems tacked on, as though they realized if the name is to live on somebody needed to take it. Why not then just have made her Han and Leia’s or Luke’s daughter in the first place? It’s worse when you remember it’s a Palpatine who’s usurping the name. Or when you realize she’s still hiding who she is.

Here’s what would’ve been better. Rey tells the Resistance about the pure selflessness of the Skywalkers and she wants that to be the core value of the new Jedi going forward, where every new student was going to learn their story. Then we see her anywhere but Tatooine, happy and surrounded by students of all ages. Maybe Finn training too. She sees the approving Force ghosts of Leia, Luke, and Anakin. Then Ben, clearly a different entity, materializes beside her.

Or something, anything other than what we got.

It’s as though they kept making story decisions without giving any thought at all to their implications. They tried to do too much while being lazy about it. They went for expedience--copy pasting ROTJ when convenient--over meaning.

The ending accomplishes what no other Star Wars film has done to me in 42 years of being a fan...it broke my heart and fulfilled my worst suspicions about where the ST was going to end up, largely due to its deflating ending and terrible denouement. It leaves for me and many other fans a big gaping open wound, not closure.

Ultimately the sequel trilogy’s biggest flaw is that there clearly was no plan. What we got was a billion dollar game of exquisite cadaver with no real design for characters, their arcs, the story, or even what message these films are supposed to have. Every decision was based on the director’s own ideas along with corporate meddling. So we get conflicting ideas and blatant spackling over what the last director didn’t like. Was Kylo Ren meant to be a guy we love to hate or a lost boy we want to come home? Was Rey a heroine we can all aspire to be or a lost princess of darkness? What the hell was the point of Finn or Poe? What does this add to the saga overall aside from more stuff? Who are these films even for, old OT fans or young fans? I believe it’s this lack of a plan that has generated so much confusion and bitter internet wars among fandom.

#reylo #tros review #spoilers #rey #ben solo #kylo ren #ben solo deserved better #rey deserved better #we all deserved better

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imaginaryelle · 5 years

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Take This Piece of Me as Part of You

For the day 5 Untamed Winterfest prompt, “ribbon.” ~3.5k, wangxian, post-canon. This one is rated Mature, mostly for implied offscreen things that accompany heavy kissing. There’s also some biting, and a marriage proposal.

This fic can also be read on AO3 and is part of the same series as Light a Fire They Can’t Put Out and Kiss Me, Keep Me (Never Leave Me), but does not require reading either of them. Many thanks to @roamingjaguar for giving this a quick read and setting my mind at ease, and to @soundsaboutrighttumblr for this lovely picture prompt.

Note: xingan (心肝), according to what I’ve read, is a quite serious term of endearment that means “heart and liver” or “one I cannot live without.”

Wangji commissions the forehead ribbon as soon as he’s sure, which corresponds roughly with his first night back in Cloud Recesses without Wei Ying.

He doesn’t sleep much. Even two short weeks of Wei Ying pressed against his side in the evenings, of warm skin and soft lips against his own and fingers trailing through his hair, is enough to change his habits. The Jingshi is too quiet. He finds himself listening for Wei Ying’s breath. Reaching for him in a space he’s never occupied. Expecting him to turn up with a fresh supply of water or some treat he’s purchased from a street seller, even though this is Cloud Recesses, and Wei Ying hasn’t so much as stepped across the threshold since Wangji was named Chief Cultivator over a year ago.

He meditates. He cleans his guqin. He thinks, quite seriously, about retrieving the rest of the Emperor’s Smile he’d hidden away and drinking some, just to pass the time, but he sets that aside fairly quickly. He combs his hair and polishes the pin and ornament, and dresses for the day, and waits.

At five, he leaves the Jingshi and makes his way to Lan Shu’s workshop. He brings tea, to facilitate matters.

Lan Shu listens to his request, and drinks the tea, and doesn’t ask questions. She hadn’t asked questions about the ribbon for Sizhui, either. And she’d never mentioned anything to Uncle.

“A marriage ribbon will take several months to complete,” she tells him, which he already knows. “I can’t guarantee delivery before Qingming.”

He won’t see Wei Ying until after Qingming anyway. It’s not an obstacle.

She gives him a long look, then shakes her head. “Go eat your breakfast, Chief Cultivator,” she says, setting down the tea. “I’ll let you know when it’s done.”

The weeks drag on. The Spring Festival is an extended trial that feels endless and is made longer by the sure knowledge that Wei Ying is in Yunmeng, not Gusu, or Lanling, or any of the other places the Chief Cultivator is required to be in the days leading up to New Year’s Eve. Xichen-ge agrees to break seclusion and help him hang decorations at the gentian cottage, and Sizhui returns just hours before the reunion dinner begins, but still Wangji feels keenly aware of a missing presence, despite the fact that Wei Ying has never spent the Spring Festival at Cloud Recesses and so he should have no expectation of such a thing.

Next year, he promises himself. Next year he and Wei Ying will clean and decorate the Jingshi together.

The close of the Lantern Festival brings a letter that speaks of Yunmeng’s beauty, of the promising young Jiang cultivators and their cleverness with fireworks, of papering over old wounds with new memories. There is also a gourd delicately painted with the Yunmeng lotus and several pages of sketches, but he hardly has a chance to savor them or think of writing back before he’s called away again, chasing rumors of something feeding on villagers and cultivators alike in the south.

It is a long, bloody hunt, and when he returns to Cloud Recesses to see the gourd still hanging where he left it and a new letter waiting, he knows it will be more than a year before Wei Ying joins him here. He will not make his father’s mistakes. He will not give less than all of himself, and he can offer nothing but a cold, empty room and his own repeated absence for as long as he remains Chief Cultivator.

He nearly resigns on the spot, but there is no one to replace him. The Jin sect is struggling to find its stride after a decade under Jin Guangyao with only the young, brash Jin Rulan to take on his duties. Xichen-ge has returned to seclusion and Wangji cannot fault him for it. Nie Hauisang insists on maintaining his distance from politics. Wangji doesn’t want to consider what might happen if Jiang Wanyin took the post. Perhaps he can start with the smaller clans, plant the seeds for a new shape of the world. One where a single cultivator can never again hold as much power as Wen Ruohan or Jin Guangyao, or at least one where more than one man might be held responsible for success and disaster.

Weeks turn to months. Long months, full of new duties and squabbles between cultivators who seem to have little else to do but pick fights and endlessly practice sword forms, waiting for spring thaws. He writes many letters, precious few of them to Wei Ying and nearly all of them terse and direct, but he receives new missives every day, complaints and ambitions and worries and petty rivalries besetting him on all sides from every household in the cultivation word. There are arguments to settle and ceremonies to plan, and to attend. Coming of Age ceremonies. Foundation laying ceremonies. Marriage ceremonies, which strike him as particularly unfair even though he’s told no one else of his intentions. The invitations threaten to engulf his writing desk. Worse are the genuine requests for aid, some of them from small clans scattered through the mountains and others from towns without a cultivation clan to protect them. He understands, quite thoroughly, why Jin Guangyao was so very insistent on setting up the watchtowers, but for all the man’s crimes and plans the system is still shockingly inefficient. Wangji spends more time visiting cultivators and convincing them to grant money, or food, or martial aid to their neighbors than he does actually night hunting himself. Worse, he does not have Jin Guangyao’s gift of pleasing words, and yet everywhere he goes people want to speak with him. Continuously. Exhaustively. No matter how far into silence he retreats or how firmly he refuses to adjust his position.

A week after Qingming, Lan Shu gives him a sandalwood box, subtly carved with clouds and mountains and symbols of longevity in love: butterflies, shuang-xi characters, and paired magpies. The ribbon inside is a close copy of his own, but the silk is freshly woven, the blue embroidery newly dyed; the embedded talismans glitter in the box’s shadowed confines.

He seals it away without touching it, slips the box gently into a qiankun pouch, and resigns himself to waiting.

Three years. That’s how long it takes him to get a working replacement for the post of Chief Cultivator in place. If Wei Ying thinks of marriage during those years, or if he resents the time Wangji spends on the rest of the world, he never shows it during their meetings. He could perhaps be described as clingy, when the weeks and months extend too long, but Wangji is no less possessive of their time together. He is sometimes melancholy, but neither of their lives has been easy and Wangji knows Wei Ying has regrets, for all that he rarely dwells on them. He takes hope from the fact that Wei Ying always returns to him. That his greeting is always welcoming, always eager. That even with so much time apart, his passions burn just as bright as Wangji’s. But hope is a poor substitute for certainty when such assurance is so immediately close to hand.

The sect leaders are displeased at his leavetaking, of course, but they’re always displeased. The ink is still wet on the agreement, red seals settling in cinnabar and silk, but Wangji makes it clear he will not be available for further discussion—he will return to Cloud Recesses for the official announcement, three days hence, and no sooner. In the meantime, they are all welcome to review the paperwork he’s accumulated. And even though it is already well past sundown, and even though his presence is not expected, he mounts Bichen and flies to meet Wei Ying as quickly as spiritual power will carry him.

It only occurs to him later, as he stands in the middle of the town’s main road, that he doesn’t know where, precisely, Wei Ying is staying, or even if he’s kept to the travel plans outlined in his latest letter.

The handful of people still out at night are very polite to him, but not very helpful. Despite years of night hunts, travel, and overlong political conferences, he is not nearly so efficient at soliciting information from strangers as Wei Ying is. Yes, they say, they remember a young man of that description. Yes he did appear to be a cultivator, though he carried no sword. He’d offered to look into a hungry ghost for one family, and disappearing ducks for another, and sold some protective talismans. No. They don’t know where he might be staying.

An inspection of the nearest inn’s stables shows no sign of Little Apple. Wangji grips Bichen tighter and hurries to check the next. Footsteps behind him suddenly speed up and he whirls, sword drawn.

“Lan Zhan?” Wei Ying looks at him up the length of Bichen’s blade, a smile teasing at his lips. “Aren’t you supposed to be at a conference in Gusu?”

“It ended.” He sheathes his sword and studies Wei Ying, marking as many details as he can. His clothes are a little more worn than on their last meeting, months ago, but not badly so. His movements betray no sign of injury as he steps closer, a slight curve in his path and confusion drawing a line between his brows. He smells faintly of ginkgo and chrysanthemum, and his hands are slightly stained. Perhaps he has been gathering supplies.

He looks tired. Drawn thin, the bones of his face too-prominent.

“You’re not eating,” Wangji observes. Wei Ying rolls his eyes and leans in close enough to bump their shoulders together.

“I eat,” he insists, setting off again in a slow walk in the direction Wangji had been heading. “I eat plenty. I don’t need all that money you send me you know, I can earn my own.”

“You give it away,” Wangji reminds him, falling into step at his side. He’s witnessed Wei Ying’s generosity more than once.

“I do fine,” Wei Ying says, and then spins around to face him, walking backwards and changing the subject. “Lan Zhan, if anyone needs to take better care of themselves between us, it’s you. You’re letting all those Sect Leaders run you around, and then you still fly all the way here the same night? What were you going to do if I didn’t find you?”

“Keep looking,” Wangji says, both because it’s true and because he thinks it will make Wei Ying smile. It does.

“Even past nine?” he asks.

“Mn,” Wangji confirms, and Wei Ying laughs. He grabs Wangji’s sleeve and tugs him toward an inn’s brightly lit gate.

“You always wear so much white, Lan Zhan. People will think you’re a ghost come to haunt them.” His grin is teasing. “You should come inside with me so no one gets worried.”

It’s a ridiculous excuse. Wangji doesn’t bother to hold back his smile.

The inn is not the best in town, but it is clean and well-appointed, and the owner seems happy to supply a light meal despite the late hour. Wei Ying’s room is small, with little more than a table, a seating cushion and a bed, but Wangji hardly gets a chance to see it; as soon as the door slides closed behind them Wei Ying takes his face in his hands and kisses him, insistent and covetous like he thinks the opportunity will be snatched away.

It won’t be, but it wouldn’t be the first time that duty or disaster came unexpectedly calling.

“How long before you have to go back?” he asks, already slipping his hands under Wangji’s outer layer, pressing clever fingers down his sides to slide under his waist sash.

“Two days,” Wangji says, letting his own hands settle on Wei Ying’s waist and returning the kiss. But after that. After that... The qiankun pouch feels heavy in his sleeve. He wants to reveal it now. To know, immediately, but there’s a void opening up in his stomach, a swirling suction of doubts he can’t ignore any longer. Wei Ying may refuse him. He may be happy with what they have, despite his pout and the complaints of so soon, too soon, he’s muttering into Wangji’s chest. He may have a different vision of their future.

Later. He’ll ask later. For now he picks Wei Ying up—to a shout muffled against his shoulder—takes four steps, and spills the both of them onto the bed.

“Lan Zhan, if you tell me it’s nine already—”

“It’s not,” Wangji assures him, nuzzling his way up Wei Ying’s neck to his ear. “We have time.”

Wangji wakes at five, as usual. Wei Ying is asleep, curled in on himself with his back pressed warm against Wangji’s side. His eyelids flicker with dreams, and the dim light of the coming dawn paints him with soft gray shadows, smoothing away the worries he carries by day.

He’s beautiful.

He always has been.

Today, Wangji determines. He’ll ask today. This morning. As soon as Wei Ying wakes, or perhaps soon after, depending on his mood.

He allows himself a few moments to watch morning light move over Wei Ying’s skin as he breathes, to memorize, once again, the soft curve of his eyelashes and the gentle slope of his mouth. Then he sighs and sits up, ready to prepare for the day.

“Mnnnn, no, Lan Zhan, come back to bed.” Wei Ying rolls over and grabs him around the waist before he can stand.

“It’s five,” Wangji reminds him, even thought they have this conversation nearly every morning they wake up together and he knows that Wei Ying knows what time it is.

“This isn’t Gusu,” Wei Ying says against his back. Warm lips press against his skin. “Even the innkeeper’s family isn’t up yet. If you rise too soon you’ll disturb them.”

The statement is obviously untrue; Wangji woke to the sound of movement in the kitchens, and the both of them can clearly hear a child feeding the chickens and collecting eggs outside their window. But still, Wei Ying moves himself around on the bed until he can kiss Lan Wangji’s thigh and hip.

“It would be rude,” he says grinning and mischievous even as his hands slide over Lan Wangji’s stomach.

Wangji hesitates, which Wei Ying takes as surrender. He kisses his way up Wangji’s chest, to his lips. It’s a lingering, coaxing kiss that turns more heated as he slips himself into Wangji’s lap.

It makes a much better argument than anything to do with their hosts, and Wangji gives in easily, willingly. Wei Ying pushes at his shoulders until he lies back and then Wangji rolls them both over and catches Wei Ying’s hands between them. Wei Ying tugs at his grip, more playful than forceful, grinning wider and wrinkling his nose as Wangji’s hair tickles his face. He arches his back, seeking more contact, and rolls his hips and—and grabs the trailing end of Wangji’s forehead ribbon in his mouth.

Wangji bites his shoulder in retaliation and Wei Ying laughs through his teeth, no longer tugging at his hands, but wriggling as Wangji drags teeth and tongue over his chest and down his ribs, on his way to lick at his stomach and nip the curve of his hip bone. And then … then Wei Ying yanks his head a little too hard. The ribbon slides off Wanji’s forehead and keeps falling. The silver emblem smacks against his cheekbone on the way down, and then it and the rest of the fluttering white-and-blue length slips down to land on Wei Ying’s bare stomach.

“Ah!” Wei Ying spits out the ribbon end and looks immediately remorseful. “Sorry, sorry, I didn’t mean to—here, I’ll—”

“Keep it.” The words slip out of his mouth without the permission of his rational mind, the weight of three years of longing and waiting pressing behind them, closing his throat to anything else.

Wei Ying goes still. His eyes are very wide.

Wangji is doing this wrong. This is not at all how a proposal is supposed to go, he’s certain, but he’s said it. He can’t take it back now. He can only keep going, struggling toward a future that suddenly feels as substantial as mist.

“Keep it,” he repeats, willing the intent to be understood, but Wei Ying is still staring. Wangji needs to do this properly. He wrenches himself off the bed despite Wei Ying’s wordless protest, finds the qiankun pouch, and shoves the sandalwood box rather unceremoniously into Wei Ying’s hands.

Wei Ying cradles it against his chest for a moment, Wangji’s ribbon still hanging from his fingers and his mouth slightly open, like he wants to speak but can’t think of what to say.

Wangji collects his own ribbon from Wei Ying’s unresisting grip and smooths it carefully. Then he kneels, and waits.

“What…?” Wei Ying sits up and looks down at the box, then frowns and looks closer. He holds it delicately, as if he thinks opening it could release a demon. Or perhaps like a firework that’s already been lit. But he must know what it means.

“This is for me?” he asks, the words sounding half-strangled.

“No,” Wangji corrects, holding out the ribbon he’s worn most of his life. “This is for you. If you want it.”

Wei Ying looks at the box again. His fingers trace over the carvings.

“Lan Zhan,” he says, almost at a whisper, “this is—Lan Zhan are you asking me to marry into the Lan clan?”

It occurs to Wangji, sudden and shocking as water from the Cold Spring, that he could have done this differently. They don’t have to follow the Lan clan’s customs in order to be cultivation partners. They could simply travel together. Live together. Perhaps start their own sect. They don’t have to go anywhere near Gusu or Cloud Recesses. He could have waited three days and then disappeared into the night with Wei Ying at his side and no one the wiser.

His hands clench tight around the ribbon. Cloud Recesses is his home, and being a Lan is woven into the fiber of his entire self. He wants to share that, not set it aside.

“Yes,” he says, trying to keep his eyes on Wei Ying’s face. “If you want it.”

Wei Ying sinks to the floor across from him. He reaches out, then pulls his hand back, as if he’s now afraid to touch the ribbon he’s touched so many times already. That he had in his mouth. He sets the box on the floor, almost reverently, and stares at it for a moment.

Then he laughs, the sound turned strange and high. “I don’t think I’ll make a very good Lan,” he says, as if it’s a joke.

Wangji thinks the void in his stomach might engulf him whole. He looks away. Down at his hands and the ribbon stretched between them. His throat aches with words that can only make this worse.

“Lan Zhan!” Wei Ying’s hands are on his shoulders, a warm, strong grip. On his face, coaxing his chin upward.

“Xingan, don’t look like that.” Wei Ying is smiling. Wangji feels the ribbon pull free of his hands. “I accept, I accept, I just—” Wei Ying laughs wetly. There are tears slipping down his cheeks. “It’s just that you really should have been part of the Yunmeng-Jiang Sect, you know. Attempt the impossible.” He laughs again. “I just keep thinking of your uncle’s face when he sees—how am I supposed to wear this?”

Wangji can’t speak. He wants to say, Are you certain?, and I don’t care what Uncle thinks, but xingan is echoing through his head, blocking out everything but Wei Ying’s face as he clumsily tries to tie on Wangji’s forehead ribbon.

“It’s crooked.” He reaches up to straighten it and ends up retying it completely, intensely aware of Wei Ying’s breath against his arms and chest, and the soft touch of his hair, and a sort of whole-body tingling that makes him feel slightly unreal.

He draws back.

Wei Ying is wearing his forehead ribbon.

None of the marks he’s left on Wei Ying’s skin the last three years made him feel like this. Like his blood is heating up too quickly. Like he needs to kiss Wei Ying immediately, which he does, doing his best to claim him with lips and tongue and teeth.

Wei Ying, gratifyingly, climbs into his lap once more and melts against him, whining slightly as Wangji bites at the hinge of his jaw.

“Lan Zhan,” he pants as Wangji mouths down his neck. “Xingan,” he repeats, sending a full-body shudder through Wangji’s frame. “Am I supposed to give you the other one?”

“Later,” Wangji tells him.

He is not currently interested in self-restraint.

#untamed winterfest #wangxian #wangxian fic #the untamed #chen qing ling #the untamed fic #chen qing ling fic #lan wangji #wei wuxian #alex writes #light a fire verse #long post #winterfest2k19 fic

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