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conchcronch · 1 year ago

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Making a Mess Part 3

Sanji x Zoro

Sanji’s vow to stave off drinking comes to a swift end when he finds himself in the red light district being handed free drinks. Yet another night of drinking with Zoro leads to them repeating their first night together.

If you haven’t already, please read part 1 and 2 before continuing, otherwise it won’t make much sense.

NSFW below the cut.

Spotify Playlist for the Vibes

“Sanji, you’re gonna’ come ashore with us right?” Nami asked him as he collected the empty glasses he had served the girls’ drinks in.

”How could I turn down an invitation from such a beautiful lady, my sweet Nami,” He smiled.

”Even if you’re still taking a break from drinking it’ll still be fun to have you!” Franky added from where he was playing volleyball with Usopp, Chopper and Luffy on the deck of the Sunny.

”I was thinking of stopping at the night market, I’ve heard it’s got some rare ingredients I’d like to try to get my hands on.”

“Get me more sake, Curly,” Zoro called as he climbed down from the crow’s nest.

”Get it yourself Moss-For-Brains!” Sanji bit back, his demeanor immediately changing at the swordsman’s words.

“At least I’ve got brains, all you think about are tits and-“ Zoro expertly dodged Sanji’s first kick before grabbing his second one. He held it tightly, finally meeting the cook’s rage filled gaze, smirking for a second before lifting the leg he held as high as Sanji’s muscles would allow it. Clearly not expecting Zoro’s attempt at a counter, a gasp slipping past his lips as Zoro winked before letting his leg go with a slight shove to push him off balance, giving him time to walk away before Sanji could get another kick in.

Frustration built in Sanji but he opted to let Zoro be, choosing to silently collect the last few cups from his crewmates and hoping no one noticed the wink…or how flushed his cheeks were after.

They avoided each other like two positively charged magnets until they all went ashore. Avoiding each other wasn’t new, it had been a daily occurrence but after that night, things had changed. Sanji found Zoro sitting in his kitchen, sometimes even napping in the booth while he prepped in between meals. They hadn’t talked about that night, but it was apparent they both remembered it, the wink made that very clear.

Once everyone got to town, people began walking in pairs. As Sanji walked in the direction he was told the night market was, he felt someone close at his heels, turning to see Zoro. He shouldn’t have been surprised but he was, even more so when the man spoke “Want help?” They kept walking, now side by side as they maneuvered the growing crowds of this town’s tavern scene.

“N-No I’m alright, don’t let me get in the way of your drinking.” Sanji waved him off but Zoro’s pace never faltered.

“I’ll drink after, figured you’d need someone to carry your bags since you’re so dainty.” Sanji felt his brow twitch in annoyance but before he could come up with a retort they noticed the crowd thin. Zoro looked around, pulling Sanji to the side while he pulled a small notebook from his back pocket to look at the directions he had hastily wrote when someone a few islands over had told him about it.

“Says it should be around here,” Sanji looks up from the pages and scans the surrounding area. “I guess we’ll keep looking.” Sanji grabs Zoro’s forearm, knowing that if he let go now, Zoro would surely get lost. The swordsman didn’t fight this, not agreeing that he would get lost, but the feeling of Sanji’s hand wrapped around his exposed arm had his blood pumping more than he’d want to admit.

They kept walking, turning down an ally when Sanji thought he smelled meat being cooked. As the sun finally dipped under the horizon they turned a few corners and found themselves on the edge of town. The streets were lined with dim lanterns that cast a flickering red glow as they walked under them. Sanji still had his nose in his notebook, as though the directions would appear only for a second and he’d miss it if he looked away. A smile spread across Zoro’s lips slowly as he looked around at the bars and the people who were along the paths, taking special interest in anyone who would make eye contact with them. Zoro hastily wrapped his arm around Sanji’s waist, forcibly pulling him to the side of the path and coming to a stop. “Okay, not that I’m complaining, but this definitely isn’t the kind of night market you’re looking for.” Sanji looked around, it took a bit for it to sink in, but when it did his face flushed. “Come on Curly, we walked all the way here, might as well take in the sights.” Zoro smirked, grabbing the cook’s tie and pulling him towards the nearest bar. Sanji managed to wrench his tie from the other man’s hand, stopping just outside the threshold. There were a few scantily clad women walking along the building, trying to make eyes at Zoro who paid them no mind.

“I’m not sure I wa-“ Zoro grabbed the tie again.

”Stop doing that!” Sanji groaned, trying to pry the larger hands off the fabric while being led into the crowded bar. Zoro stopped and pulled enough Berries from his pocket to pay the cover for the both of them before tugging on the tie again. “I’m not a dog!” Sanji had to yell over the music, finally ripping the tie out of Zoro’s grasp and tucking it back into his buttoned blazer. They quickly found a pair of stools at the bar, Zoro immediately ordered two shots as Sanji was looking around the bar, but he didn’t know what or who for. He just wanted to look busy even though he could feel Zoro’s eyes burning holes into his back. Sanji’s gaze fell on a small stage that he could just barely see over the crowd that had gathered there, it wasn’t until he watched a woman wearing a dress that left very very little to the imagination that he realized the type of club this was. He watched as she dragged herself along the single golden pole before spinning around it as she ran her free hand up and down her body.

“Oi, Curly,” Zoro said close enough to his ear that he felt his lips brush along his lobe for a fraction of a second. He turned to look at the man who handed him a shot.

“So much for not drinking for awhile,” Sanji attempted to yell over the music that had suddenly gotten even louder. The drink burned the entire way down his throat as he tried to recall the last time he had done a shot…if ever. He hadn’t even been holding the empty shot glass for 10 seconds before Zoro replaced it with another full one before tossing back his own. “What’re you, made of money?” Sanji had to yell over the music but Zoro couldn’t hear. Just as Sanji was about to repeat himself, louder this time, Zoro pulled Sanji’s stool as close to his own as he could before leaning so close he could feel his breath on his neck. That, paired with the alcohol rushing through his system, was a problematic combo.

“They’re free,” Zoro yelled, voice gravelly. Sanji could just furrow his brow in response. Zoro nodded over his shoulder towards a guy sitting at the end of the bar, he had been staring since the two sat down. “Don’t put too much thought into it, just take it and say thanks.” Zoro put another glass in Sanji’s hand before holding his up towards the stranger even going as far as to shoot him a wink before tossing it back. Sanji mimicked him, minus the wink.

Sanji could feel the alcohol warm his thighs, his cheeks felt hot as he watched the woman spin around the pole. Zoro said something but Sanji didn’t catch it so he leaned into him, feeling his body sway into the other man’s who slung an arm around his shoulders and brought his lips right against his ear. “You wanna go somewhere quieter?” He nodded, forcing himself up, Zoro’s arm slipping down to his waist.

“Where would that be?” Zoro tugged him, leading him away from the bar and up some stairs. “How do you know where we’re going?” They got to another floor and the swordsman started peaking into rooms, ignoring the closed doors. The music thumped downstairs while moans could barely be heard from the closed doors.

“These places are all the same,” He muttered, finding an empty room and tugging Sanji inside, closing the door behind them. Both men flopped on the curved couch, Sanji’s eyes glued to the silver pole in the middle.

“You come to these places a lot?” Zoro picked up an abandoned glass of clear liquid, sniffed it before drinking it.

“Gotta’ blow off some steam sometimes, y’know,” Sanji nodded. “No you don’t.”

“The hell do you mean I don’t?”

“You never blow off steam.” Zoro leaned back against the couch before stretching his arms above his head, his shirt pulling up enough to show off his treasure trail.

“You don’t know what I do.” Sanji began digging through his pockets until he pulled out a cigarette from one and his lighter from the other, taking no time at all to light it and inhale deeply. Exhaling directly in Zoro’s face.

“I know that you popped a boner the moment I held you against that wall.” Zoro beamed with a cocky grin. If it hadn’t been for the alcohol coursing through his veins he would have been beyond flustered, but instead he felt a competitive burst.

“I had drank a lot.” Zoro reached both arms back, resting them on the top of the couch back, his knees spread wide as he smirked at the other man.

“Yeah, like it wouldn’t happen again.” He said sarcastically, Sanji opted to stay quiet knowing that Zoro was probably right. Sanji inhaled deeply, filling his lungs with smoke, holding it for a few seconds before pushing it out his nostrils. When a few more seconds went by Sanji finally met Zoro’s eyes,

“Why’re we here?” Sanji asked, resisting the urge to crunch the cigarette between his front teeth in frustration. The urge only growing when he watched Zoro shrug.

“You’re the one that dragged me across this town, I’m just trying to make the most of it.” Sanji’s eyes scanned over the other man, taking in the way his white shirt was stretched across his large chest, the fabric struggling to hold when his chest was at the apex of an inhale.

Zoro could barely handle the way Sanji’s eyes slid over his body, lingering on his thighs before slowly making their way back up to his chest. He watched as Sanji unconsciously ran the tip of his tongue over his lower lip leaving a shine over them. It was becoming too much for the Swordsman who pushed himself up, the alcohol tingling in his loins as he used his foot to nudge the blonde’s knees apart enough to be able to stand between them.

Sanji would be lying to himself if he tried to say he didn’t love the way the other man towered over him. If he had a few more drinks in him, he’s fairly certain he would have leaned over and mouthed at his covered semi but thankfully for his ego he maintained his relaxed posture, puffing a cloud of smoke up at Zoro who remained unmoving. “What’re you waiting for? Or did you forget what you were doing?”

“Big talk from someone who can’t admit that they want me.” Sanji rolled his eyes, leaning forward and around Zoro to tap the ash from his cigarette in the ashtray before leaning back again, a smirk playing across his lips.

“Like you said, it’s just blowing off steam.” He knew it was probably more than that, he knew that it was something to do with who he was dealing with that made him keep putting himself in positions to repeat their first night together. But he would rather never cook again than admit that to anyone.

Something in Zoro changed but Sanji was too dumb to notice. Zoro reached out and grabbed the cigarette, pulling it from his lips and snuffing it out on the table before handing Sanji one of the shots that had been on the table when they got here. “Smoke tastes terrible.” Sanji begrudgingly did what was silently instructed to him before putting the shot back on the table. Zoro still didn’t move.

“Jesus Marimo, are you waiting for an invitation?!” Sanji was getting frustrated, his dick was half hard in anticipation and Zoro was fully aware of that, that was part of the reason he wasn’t going to give in so quick.

“I want you to say it.” He bent his leg just slightly so it could ghost over the bulge.

“Say what,” Sanji knew exactly what Zoro wanted, he wasn’t a complex person and even less of a complex lover. But Sanji wasn’t nearly drunk enough to be so free with his words, especially when it involved him admitting how much he craved the swordsman he swore to kill one day.

“Say you want me.” Sanji huffed out a laugh.

“I don’t need to say shit, I could go downstairs and find 5 people that do what you did ten times better.”

“That may be true but at least I won’t infect you with something that would give our poor doctor a heart attack.” Zoro reached behind him for the other glass of unknown alcohol and knocked it back. “Just say it and I’ll give you what we both want,” he reached his hand forward to grab Sanji’s tie, tugging him forward a bit.

When Sanji stayed silent Zoro shrugged as he stepped away from Sanji, letting the tie slip from between his thick fingers before walking around the table in the center of the room towards the door. “Have fun jerking off in a private room, I’m gonna go find a good fuck.” And just like that, Sanji was alone with his half hard dick and alcohol clouded brain.

He couldn’t force himself to get up yet, practically praying his dick would go down enough that it wasn’t noticeable so he could get out of the bar and back to the ship without risking unwanted attention. He carded his fingers through his hair, silently cursing himself for not being able to just swallow his pride and say something.

After a few minutes Sanji had finally deflated enough to start heading back to the ship, only half concerned about whether Zoro would find his way back or not.

But before he could even make it to the exit he saw Zoro with the guy who had been buying them shots earlier. The man was still sitting on the bar stool and Zoro was standing between his knees, arms thrown around his neck, eye staring at the stairs where Sanji now stood. He could tell Zoro saw him by the corners of his lips turning up in a smirk as he kissed the man.

“Fuck.” Sanji grumbled, balling his fists as he cleared the distance between them in a few long strides, he grabbed the front of Zoro’s shirt and yanked him away from the stranger. Zoro smiled the biggest Sanji had ever seen, knowing he had gotten exactly what he wanted. Sanji pulled him back up the stairs, but only made it to the landing before he slammed Zoro into the wall like the swordsman had done all those nights ago.

“Say it.” Zoro said, hands already on Sanji’s chest and snaking around to the back pockets of his pants.

“You’re a lot of work”

“Not what I meant.” Sanji used his height to his advantage and lowered his head so he could smell the gin on Zoro’s breath. Zoro’s hands on Sanji’s ass pulled him close, so their crotches were pressed together, neither of them surprised by the other’s hard on. “It’s fine,” Zoro nipped at what little of Sanji’s neck was exposed under his one undone button. “I’m sick of waiting, I’ll have you begging in a few minutes,” Zoro pushed him back with one hand before using the other to grab the front of his shirt and pulling him back to the room they had been in moments earlier. Zoro slammed the door shut and all but threw Sanji into the couch. He landed sprawled out, barely having a second to get his bearings before Zoro straddled his lap.

“Sounds like a challenge,” Sanji smirked, his bangs pushed out of the way of his eye so he could see Zoro in his full glory.

“Not a challenge, a promise.” Zoro leaned down and started to mouth at his neck, one hand gripping the back of the couch to hold himself up while the other worked on unbuttoning Sanji’s shirt. One of the lower buttons got stuck and instead of pulling back from Sanji’s neck, Zoro tore the fabric apart.

“What the fuck!” Sanji went to push him off but before he could, Zoro’s hands were all over his chest. They slide painfully slow up his chest, they were wide enough to almost wrap around Sanji’s sides. Zoro was sitting watching the cook’s expression as his thumbs brushed experimentally over each of his nipples, watching the way Sanji’s lips parted before he caught his lower lip between his teeth just in time to stifle a moan that was about to slip out. He kept his left hand where it was, lazily teasing the cook’s nipple while the other hand slid up to his neck as he admired the hickies from their first encounter that were just barely there. “If you think this will get me begging, you’re sorely mistaken.” Sanji managed to say without his voice wavering as much as he expected. Zoro huffed a cocky laugh.

“If you think this is me trying then you’re sorely mistaken. I’m just thinking.”

“Oh god, don’t strain yourself Marimo,” Sanji smirked half a second before Zoro’s grip in his neck tightened, his thumb biting into the chef’s windpipe just enough for him to feel it.

“God, it’s like you want me to leave you again.” Zoro adjusted himself on Sanji’s lap, making sure he was still painfully hard, earning a whimper from the man under him was just a bonus. Zoro leaned over Sanji, his lips a few millimeters away from the other’s and slowly began grinding against him. Zoro was quickly getting irritated the longer Sanji managed to keep his mouth shut. He could tell that he was enjoying this, he even felt his cock twitch every so often. Zoro dragged his lips along the chef’s cheek, along his jaw and down to his neck, hoping he would get some sort of reaction.

He began sucking the skin roughly, surly turning it red and purple. He could feel Sanji’s jaw clench and as Zoro shifted his weight and moved his leg from beside Sanji’s to between them, pushing his knee as high as it could go he heard the whisper of a moan. He kept going, doubling down with some moans of his own which worked wonderfully.

Sanji was moaning and whimpering like a whore, even when Zoro pulled away to look at him he kept whining, tears pricking at the corners of his eyes. “Please,” Zoro grinned.

“Please what, Curly?” He asked while grinding more against him, groaning a bit while doing it.

“You know what.” He pleaded.

“I really don’t, remember I’ve got moss for brains.” He could hear Sanji whine a bit and just as he opened his mouth to speak, Zoro slipped his hand into his pants as if it were something he had done a thousand times. His hand was immediately covered in precum, he wrapped his calloused hand around Sanji’s burning hot cock and began to stroke him. Sanji all but cried at the contact before Zoro felt two sweaty hands grab his forearm, bringing his attention up to the other man’s face. His eyes were glassy, lips red from him biting them and he shook his head slightly. “You don’t want me to?” Sanji shook his head again but then swallowed hard and in a very raw voice said,

“I want nothing more than you to, but I’m gonna’ cum if you don’t stop,” his voice was shaky and cracked as he spoke. His grip loosened as Zoro pulled his hand from his slacks and sat up. There was a heavy silence as both men were trying to figure out what to do next, neither wanting to look at the other.

After a few minutes, just before Zoro was about to get up, Sanji sat up. He slowly pulled his legs from between Zoro’s thighs, unbuckling his pants and feeling relieved at the lessened pressure. He looked over, seeing the last of the abandoned shot glasses left by someone before them. He reached over, knocked one back before turning his attention back to Zoro who had become very invested in the cracks and dents on the wall behind Sanji.

It wasn’t until he felt Sanji’s hand on his chest, applying just enough pressure to tell Zoro that he wanted him to lay back. “I…I didn’t like the thought of you making me…and never offering anything in return.” His face was burning up but it was impossible to tell if it was from the alcohol or the sentence that left his bitten lips.

“You don’t have to…” Sanji was on top of him now, looking down at him. Zoro so rarely saw both of Sanji’s eyes that when he did he couldn’t look away.

“I want to, I know you’re dumb but you can’t be that dumb, right Marimo.” For some reason that name, that name that had always pissed Zoro off didn’t this time. The way he said it was different, the gentle touch of his hand in Zoro’s hair and the way his lips felt pressed against the Swordsman’s. It was sloppy, sure, it tasted of nicotine and gin but Zoro didn’t think he had ever been kissed like this.

At first, Zoro grabbed his waist, pushing his dress shirt up enough to feel skin. But as Sanji continued the kiss, the swordsman found himself wrapping his arms around the smaller man and pulling him flush against him. His hands went from his waist to his ass, loving the way the muscle fit into his palms. Zoro barely registered Sanji’s hands pulling at the bottom of his T-shirt, signaling that he wanted it off. Zoro reluctantly let go of his ass so he could sit up, straddling his hips like Zoro had done only a bit ago to him. Sanji pulled his shirt off of him then struggled off the tattered remains of his own. While he was doing that, Zoro unzipped his cargo pants but didn’t take them fully off. Sanji reached into the open pants and only a bit clumsily groped Zoro’s aching bulge. Even though it was clear Sanji was unsure of himself a heavy groan fell from Zoro’s lips as his head fell back against the crusty cushion.

Feeling emblazoned, Sanji awkwardly tries to wrap his hand around Zoro’s cock through his underwear. He fiddled, hoping for it to feel right in his hand but without much overthinking he yanked the underwear down and under his balls so it would stay. His hand wrapped slowly around Zoro’s shaft, stroking it with unsure hands, trying to get used to the feeling. Zoro on the other hand, was trying to control himself. He wanted nothing more than to tell Sanji how to do it, tell him to tighten his fist, cup his balls and for the love of god go faster. But he resisted, knowing that Sanji was still getting used to this and was going at his own pace.

Sanji was quickly getting more accustomed to the feeling, deciding he wanted more than this, he crawled up from between Zoro’s thick sun kissed thighs. He moved up along his sculpted form, leaving a trail of wet kisses that turned into him dragging his tongue along the man’s salty skin. Without so much as a first, second or third thought, he latched onto the swordsman’s nipple, flicking it with his tongue and feeling Zoro’s cock twitch in his grasp. He looked up through his lashes at Zoro, pleased to see his head was thrown back and a heavy sigh left his parted lips.

While Sanji was distracted by teasing Zoro, his hand had slowed to barely stroking his aching cock and Zoro was boardering on feral the longer it went without any motion. Sanji detached his lips from Zoro’s nipple and nibbled his way up to Zoro’s chin, loving the way he could feel his laboured breath against his face. “Jesus, Curly,” Zoro all but grunted, causing Sanji to pull back and look at him with a slightly concerned expression. “You’re fuckin’ killing me.” Zoro reached down both of his hands, leaning forward a bit to reach, he covered Sanji’s hand with his own and started guiding him to a pace that was less frustrating. “Need you to go faster.” Sanji sat back on his haunches, giving the other man’s cock his full attention now. Loving the way the girthy cock looked wrapped in three hands. Zoro watched Sanji who’s breathing was quick and his cheeks flushed, when he noticed Sanji nod, he let go and leaned back. A long groan left his lips as Sanji maintained the exact speed and pressure Zoro had set, he couldn’t help but blindly reach out for contact of any kind. He managed to find Sanji’s face, pulling his attention up to his face he sighed out a “Fuck, just like that.” Sanji moved his head so he could catch Zoro’s thumb between his teeth before closing his lips around it and sucking, his eyes fluttering closed. “Such a good boy,” In any other situation, Zoro would never have said something like that so early in their sexual relationship, but when he saw Sanji’s clothed cock noticeably jump he made a mental note to call him that more often.

As Sanji kept jerking Zoro’s cock with one hand, he reached into his briefs pushing them down so he could finally give his dick the attention it so desperately craved. Zoro quickly notices, grabs the waist of Sanji’s now open slacks and tugs him a bit. “Come ‘ere,” He says, wanting Sanji to straddle him.

Once Sanji resumes his position on Zoro, Zoro bats away Sanji’s hand that was still on his cock and replaces it with his, encircling both of their dicks and holding them tightly against one another. With one hand occupied, he uses his free hand to grab Sanji by the throat again, pulling him down until their lips are smashed together.

Zoro’s pace is fast and rough, and the kiss mirrors that. It’s all teeth, tongue, and moans which normally Sanji would be against but he is reveling in it. “P-Please don’t st-stop,” Sanji whines into Zoro’s mouth, biting the swordsman's bottom lip instead of his own.

“Told ya’ I could make you beg.” Zoro grunted, the corners of his mouth upturned in a cocky grin.

“Fuck you,” Sanji says, his tone was meant to be harsh but it came out as a whine.

“Would love it if you did” Zoro growls out, his pace on their cocks increasing until Sanji finally snaps, his cock spilling on Zoro’s stomach. He goes as limp as he can without getting his stomach covered in their cum, Zoro lets go of his neck and very subtly moves over so Sanji can collapse onto Zoro’s side to avoid the puddle. Zoro loosens his hand enough that Sanji��s cock is freed from the feverish pace he is going at to try to reach his own peak. It isn’t until he feels Sanji’s hand replace his own, mimicking his pace bringing him closer to his edge. Zoro can feel Sanji’s warm breath on his neck, and paired with the attention his cock is getting he doesn’t last much longer, cumming with a groan from far back in his throat.

They both laid there for a bit, enjoying their afterglow together. Zoro fidgets enough that he can wrap his arm around Sanji, pulling him even closer than they already were, given how narrow the couch is. Neither of them commented on this intimate gesture, both chalking it up to the post cum fog.

Zoro gropes the sticky floor blindly until he manages to find his forgotten t-shirt, using it to wipe up the cooling mess on his abs. Sanji took this as a signal to squirm out of the cramped spot he had between the back of the couch and the larger man, sitting up and watching Zoro, taking him in for a few seconds. Loving the way he could see his tan chest, minty treasure trail that was now slightly crusty with dried cum.He could even see some prominent veins leading down to his cock. “You always leave your cock out after sex?” Zoro joked, lifting his ass up enough that he could pull his pants back into place before stuffing his deflating cock back in.

“Do you always use your clothes to sop up your cum?” Sanji countered as he sorted himself out, watching as Zoro stuffed his soiled shirt in his back pocket so it dangled as he walked.

They both made their way out of the bar, Zoro pulling Sanji through the crowd towards the exit. The moment they were out in the cool sea air, Sanji fished around his pocket for a cigarette, lighting it before having to quickly grab Zoro as he started off in the opposite direction of the boat. They walked silently back to the ship, neither of them bringing up the fact that their hands had been intertwined since they had left the bar.

The silence was broken by Sanji just as Zoro was about to start climbing the ladder onto the Sunny, “They’re gonna know.” His gaze following the trail of hickies he had left all over Zoro’s chest and neck, some even going down to his hips and below the waist of his pants. Zoro managed to catch the slight shake in Sanji’s voice, squeezing his hand ever so slightly before letting it go and shrugging.

“We’ll just tell ‘em we found a set of twins or some shit. No one will ask you, and if someone asks me, I’ll make up something.” He started climbing the ladder, looking back at the blonde man who’s fingers were seconds away from getting burnt by the ash gathering at the end of his cigarette. “It’ll be fine, Curly” He winked and climbed the rest of the way up once he felt the other man begin to climb behind him.

#one piece smut #ao3 #sanji x zoro #one piece #zoro smut #sanji smut #zosan

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lunar-serpentinite · 1 year ago

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more assorted hjp headcanons

harry's relationship with touch, specifically with asking for and receiving touch of any kind, is very ehhh ?? touches are nice, esp from ppl he likes. but touch him for too long and he starts vibrating like a kettle that has had enough. touch him too suddenly and he's literally clawing out of his skin, and maybe yours too. touch him too often and he'd think theres some Plot going on. touch him too little and his abandonment isssues kick in.

in harry's childhood, every single request for physical aftection or reassurance has been met with sneers, flinches, looks of disgust and, at one very memorable time, a smack to the face. he stopped asking for positive physical contact soon after.

harry has never been to the sea or the beach before that time with the dursleys or when dumbledore took him the inferni cave. after his first proper and positive beach experience, he kinda wants a beach side house.

one of the songs lily and james used as a lullaby for harry was lavender's blue

harry thought of running away from the dursleys but things just start going badly whenever he tried

one of his fave ways to relax and unwind post-war is to fly out to the countryside with nothing but his broom, wand, and guitar to spend the day serenading the wildlife and pretending he's the only human being in the world

there's a whole small book published that has all of the magical species named after harry and hes fucking MORTIFIED

harry's fashion eventually evolves into something that resembles grunge, and by that i mean there's no statement to be found in his fashion choices. he gravitates towards darker colours since he thinks they help him hide in crowds better, and he developed a hobby of reforming whatever clothes he bought to make them feel more like his.

in fact, harry does a lot of customising of his things. hes a serial DIY-er and clothes reformer. nothing he owns looks the way they did when he first bought or got them. he says it makes them feel more like his, since they have his visible mark made by his own hands now

even before hogwarts, harry never thought abt what wld happen when he's an adult bc growing up to adulthood sounded like a luxury he cld never afford

once his life isnt in danger on the daily anymore, harry finds that he actually likes trying new things and new food, but only if other ppl arent perceiving him as he does so

one of harry's love languages is parallel play. hes quite content just being in the company of someone he cares about and theyre both doing their own thing without a word shared between them.

one of his fave foreign drinks is nom yen or thai pink milk

he actually did inherit a sizeable share of the sleekeazys hair potions company. the owner of the company, the dude who bought it from fleamont, actually offered to just hand the entire thing to harry bc Chosen One but he was like 'NOPE im fine not being in a position of power anymore thank u'

he was actually floored when he found out his grandmother euphemia potter was a slytherin LMAO

harry likes collecting random little trinkets that he finds in antique and thrift shops. he has a whole wall dedicated to his trinket collection back in his home

later in life, when he feels in his soul that he has settled and is finally free from the grief of his past, harry's stag patronus wld transform into a crow; transformation, change, freedom, and his love for the skies.

(his crow also pecks at draco's own koi fish patronus but it's neither here nor there)

#harry potter #harry james potter #harry potter headcanon #couldnt resist adding in a bit of drarry at the end there lol #sorry not sorry

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ma1eficar · 8 months ago

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I just finished the quest where you collect solas' memories and uhhhh I have some thoughts and they are not good

This is purely my own opinion and it's not at all positive so fair warning if you want to avoid bitching about the game

(major dragon age Veilguard spoilers under the cut, major lore-altering spoilers)

Haaaate what they've done with the Blight, the Titans, Solas and Mythal, etc

Hate hate hate it

They did not have to write their slave-freeing rebel as a disloyal murderer, but they did

And I hate it because (I'm going to show my irl political hand here) now more than ever Solas resembles that trope that mainstream media likes to do, of making your antagonist a person with leftist ideas addressing real and valid problems

but then you can't have your audience sympathize with the lefties toooo much so you write them doing cartoonishly evil shit, while also presenting a more moderate, less radical option as being better (i.e. killmonger, that cat girl rights thing from rwby, etc.)

They did not have to write him sacrificing his own unwitting friends and allies (the spirits) but they did

They did not have to have him commit a horrific unforgivable crime against the dwarves and Titans (also making him responsible for the most dangerous and evil thing in Thedas) but they did

And they did not have to present Mythal, an imperialist who owned slaves (unless they reconned that too idfk), as a voice of reason while also setting her up as a victim of evil leftists Solas' violence, but they did.

(And, might I add, they did not have to write Solas being willing to kill thousands of people in the first place)

I am pretty tired of this trope to begin with, but also the fact that they wrote Solas this way but still want me to sympathize with him is wild.

I will say I am still enjoying the game, because I quite like the companions and the combat style. But the writing is just. So disappointing so far. That's not even touching on their handling of the Antaam, and my confusion around the Crows.

My partner and I have spent the last few years doing a huge roleplay/writing project where we use the parts of dragon age we like as a basis, and change the stuff we don't like. And I just want to say I'm glad I have that, otherwise I'd be sad that this is where they went with ancient elves, Titans, and blight

#da:tv spoilers #datv spoilers #ma1eficar plays da:tv #da:tv critical #bioware critical

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zennihilation · 2 months ago

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Hard Lessons

Characters: Viago de Riva; Juan de Riva Words: 753 Summary: Juan takes the Fifth Talon Dancing. (Prev) (Next) (Full Text on Wordpress) Note: I am an idiot who deleted their Tumblr. This is a repost.

9:48 Dragon – 3 Years into the Occupation

Viago walked into the small warehouse in a district of Treviso less clogged with Crows. It left him exposed and he felt eyes following him the entire way. The note gave him no information save the location and instruction to show up at dusk.

And he did, where he stood in the middle of the empty warehouse, arms folded and growing more irritable by the moment. It didn’t take long for an elf to drop down from a rafter and land gracefully in front of him. Instead of their usual armor or more formal regalia, they were in simple black and navy trousers and a buttoned shirt. “You take stupid risks these days. I could have killed you so many times.”

“You were following me the entire time. Why drag me out here at all?”

“You don’t know that was me.”

“I saw you.”

“The hell you did.” Juan huffed.

“You will explain yourself. Now.”

“Shh!” Juan walked over to one corner, dragging out a chair that had a man bound to it though his arms were free. There was a bag that was hung over his head that when torn off, showed that he was still blindfolded. “This nice man is going to play music for us. He doesn’t know your name, so to keep it that way, I would keep the talking to a minimum.”

They went over, undoing the various buttons on his Guild Master’s jacket with practiced hands. The jacket was folded neatly and set aside. They didn’t need to see the man’s face to know they had already changed colors from rage and high blood pressure alone. “Take a breath, will you? I have three hours to teach you two important things that you will hate me for forever.”

“And then?” he asked, voice strained.

“Then I take you somewhere you will have a ‘practical examination.’”

“You will pay for this.”

“Trust me, I’m already paying for this,” they sighed. “Right. Lesson one.” Juan walked and stepped inches away from him. They knew they were as tall as the man’s potential dance partner, so the pairing was suitable. They took one of his hands, raising it, indicating for him to lead.

Viago sneered and wrenched the elf’s wrist, holding them in a lock and forcing them down.

To Juan’s credit, years of fighting this man had taught them when to give in. They bit back a yelp and went down to the ground. Even as they knelt, their glare back did not suggest any amount of submission.

“I know how to dance.”

“No, you know how to dance properly. I get to teach you to dance like everyone else.”

Viago’s eyes narrowed as they released the grip. “Oh? And what is lesson two?”

“How to do something for fun. Trust me, I’m not looking forward to it either.” Juan stood and took their position again. They looked over their shoulder, stamping their boot heel into the floor, “Hermano! Look alive! One, two, three!”

The disoriented musician nearly jumped in their chair. They scrambled to find their fingering on the guitar in their lap and started to play.

Juan took Viago’s hand again and placed the other on their back. “Just be professional and try to keep up.”

---

“Again!” The elf barked, immediately pulling the taller man back into starting position inches from them, one hand on their back, the other leading the dance. Juan was young but had the makings for a decent Crow Trainer. They were observant. They were exacting and precise. It was naturally another service Viago could offer at a decent price. He just didn’t appreciate being on the receiving end of it.

“Left!” Juan ordered, shifting their body and kicking their right foot back. “Signal with your shoulders and your partner will look in that direction. That’s how you know if you fucked up or not. Shift!”

Viago sneered. The instruction was coming in fast with no time to berate them for the audacity.

“Center! Hold!” Juan kept their eyes locked on Viago’s. The moves of the dance made a discordant connection to the enraged glare shared between the two. “Right foot spin!”

When Viago stepped his right foot out, Juan spun out to their left, the steel of their boot glinting as they slid against the wood. They couldn’t help the small flourish as they kicked out at the end of the turn before spinning back into Viago’s arm. When they settled on their feet, they had their classic wild grin. “Better! Again!”

#dragon age the veilguard #da fanfic #viago de riva #rook de riva #datv mongoose

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ducknotinarow · 2 years ago

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MM Raphael - All Symbol Headcanons please uwu

| Send me a symbol and I will write a headcanon about… For multimuse blogs, please specify! *disclaimer I aint a spoiler free blog I have stated before like with Helluva Boss, this is your warning now there are spoilers in this post.*

I love this little gremlin boy so much. look at his smile pure gremlin uwu from the full trailer we got I knew I would be satisfied with this take on Raph. I can be kind of picky but that's just cause Raph was a character I always loved. I do like that Raph's anger issue was his only character trait least not like all he is about but that they did focus on the fact Raph dose just kind of like to fight in general. I like that he is sort of aware of it though and seems to try and handle it but clearly doesn't know so he turns it towards his more violent tendencies. And dose seem to try and not take it out on people around him. He has anger in him and he's trying which is why I love that he seems to turn towards sports at the end of the movie cause its not often a part of Raphael shows often give much attention to that he loves sports too. I look forward to more from this franchise with my boy ;3; I really just like that you can see for all of the boy they know who they wanna be but havent quite learned who they are.

𝓕 : My muse’s handwriting. (Is it good, bad, difficult to decipher, do they prefer writing by hand or with the help of some form of machine, e.t.c.)

"I'm not the best with uh spellin, " One of the more stylized writing styles clearly. The boy haven't had proper education for years so I feel they learned a lot from what they saw and Raph liked the subway graffiti they would see when making their way back home and learned to make it his writing style. Raph tries to control his emotions carefully emphasis on tries here of course. Draws attention to himself as seen in a lot of fights he tends not to care much for the whole be stealthy thing when it comes to a fight. Even crowing to get said attention before jumping in. Raph has a more out going personality shown from his large lettering. The gaping in his writing shows Raph enjoys his freedom.

Tends to take being grounded from the surface not well at all and pitting the blame toward Leo. Being able to explore the surface is the only real freedom he had and he dose carry this thought into going to school. Of course the heavy pen pressure come from tension and anger he has. That he doesn't full know the best way to deal with yet. I think having Beep bop and Rock steady however will help a bit but having a friend who gets it will do him even more wonders since they are closer in age. Despite being outgoing the slant of his writing shows Raph is a bit reserved which we see when it comes to April he doesn't talk as much as the other do or did when around her compared to how he is around his brothers even around the other mutants he was a tad more reserved here and there. Or outside of fights. Im pretty positive they will likely be like Splinterson considering Splinter isn't Yoshi but I would be to surprised if they didn't find a way to make use of Hamato for this verse but i'm not changing my tag XD so still under Hamato even if he won't be using that name unless stated he will be Splinterson in MM.

✈ : My muse and traveling. (If they do it frequently and why, if they never left their home town, e.t.c.)

"Hmm I've been in the sewers, the subway, roof tops shipping yards-" Currently Raphael has only ever been around New York, they have gone to some pretty well know locations like Central Park or Madison Square garden, or stadiums but have yet to ever be out of New York. Of course, he likes the idea of maybe seeing more now that he's able to go to the surface. But hard to say if everyone is still willing to change their tune about Mutants. Even if they have been shown as Hero's this doesn't fully mean everyone and everywhere is ready to accept them or willing.

✿ : My muse and nature. (If they are an ‘outdoorsy type’, like the sound of bird’s singing, if they have never set foot in a forest, e.t.c.)

"Ehhh I dunno 'bout that. 'ike i'll go I guess if I gotta?"

Despite living in hiding this guy is a pretty much a city guy at heart he is so used to the loud sound of a buzzing and bustling city. But with his wild energy he might love going out to the woods.

☼ : My muse’s first memory. (Where it was, who was with them, how this memory makes them feel, e.t.c.)

"uh dunno I kind remember stuff as a kid like havin' nightmares and going to pops." I feel Raphael dose vaguely remember the one time Splinter took him and his brothers up to the surface.They seemed young but were able to start their training not long after. Raph sometimes had nightmares about the man that chased after them and would be the one to wake everyone else up and go to Splinter to sleep with. Dad is safe after all ;3;

☙ : My muse’s favourite food. (Bonus: A memory, be it good or bad, associated with said food.)

"Dose bulk up count as a food?"

Course it's pizza, but the bulk up in the crate during their shopping time was funny to me. Of course Raph always remembers the first time Splinter got his hands on a pizza for them. It was some of the first human food they ever tried and the most beautiful thing Raph has ever seen at that time in his life.

♬ : My muse and music. (What type of music they like listening to and in what context, what music they would never listen to, e.t.c.)

"Drake! he's the g.o.a.t!" Raphael likes Rap and R&B the most when it comes to music he dose enjoy Rock and heavy metal as well of course. But his favorite artis is Drake and if he could meet a celebrity he would want it to be Drake. he watched Degrassi solely because he found out Drake acted on that show. He might have a slight crush on the dude but he hasn't really figured that out himself. He also likes DJ Khaled, and Lil Wayne but course hes got his usual go to. He dose like a bit of pop as well here and there. He also will never admit it but some of the stuff Donnie listens to is kind of okay as he would phase it.

↺ : My muse and the past. (Do they live in the past and struggle to let go of past grievances, or move on more easily, is there anything in their past they want to forget, e.t.c.)

"Eh I sort of do maybe?"

Raphael in a way dose in that he's very aware of the situation he was once in, forever made to hide away from a word he just wants to be part of. Surrounded by the same four faces all his life. It sort of feeds into the little freedom he has and more he'll get. Raphael just wants to be able to meet more people experience things he never got to before all because he never really got to live before, not like how humans do at least. Going to school just being on the top of that list simply because it's such a normal mundane thing but something he thought he never have. That it never even occurred to him that humans themself sometimes aren't all given those same freedoms he thinks they are lucky to have.

☾ : My muse and sleep. (How much they sleep, how much they wish to sleep, if there is something that never fails to put them to sleep, e.t.c.)

"Eh not 'ike i got much a bed time? oh guess I do now?" Raph's used to staying up late seeing as it was the only time him and his brothers were able to out and about that Splinter could agree on with at least. So Raphael is far more used to being active at night over during the day going to take a lot is adjusting to the change least during the school week. Raphael likes to be up late still often going to bed late in night school night or not. Getting to sleep can be a bit of struggle so he tries to tire himself out in all the ways they tell you not to like aimlessly using the internet thinking he'll pass out. Sometimes he dose but ends up leaving his phone playing videos because of it. So it's always low on battery.

✧ : My muse and art. (If they have an artistic side or not and why, favourite artist if they have one, e.t.c.)

"I like the stuff I seen on the streets." I pick his writing style for a reason Raphs a fan of street art, he has watched humans in the cover of the night work on their own street art. Murals, tags and such that they come across the city always tends to catch his eye he thinks it looks cool. When he was learning to write he really wanted to sort of have a style like what he saw. Raph tends to doodle out his name and even brothers names with designs things he thinks fits each of them. Course later hell add another name with some hockey sticks and such. It's far more like graffiti he dose and sticker art. He came across some name tag stickers and will put his stuff on that to slap around the city when him and his brothers would run around for their errands in the past. Usually slapped on to the back of signs, street lights, even some bollards, or billboards. It's mostly either his name "raph" or styled stuff showing Sai.

❃ : My muse and social media. (If the muse is/would be on social media and why/why not, their general opinion on it, e.t.c.)

"Eh I sort use it?"

Raphael lurked in the past mostly making use of video platforms. He has a bad habit of falling asleep when watching tiktok and sending the videos to his brothers accounts. Once they get into school he will use twitter and snapchat, so to be in contact with some of the friends he's made. but he mostly sticks to texting apps like discord or whatsapp. Raphael just isn't much for social media but it was kind of the only way he could be part of the human world, so he did use it to just watch stuff. Mostly used it to watch dumb videos he found funny or keep track of news of stuff he was interested in. Like following Music Artis he likes.

✉ : My muse and others. (If they social and outgoing or more introverted, and why. If they prefer communicating with others face to face or in written form, e.t.c.).

"I finally got some human friends so 'hats cool." As I mentioned before Raphael is pretty out going in general, he's not shy or even close to being an intervert himself. But he can be a tad reserved as a person. When it came to meeting and being around April of course he doesn't shy away from talking and answering questions but he dose tend to hang back a tad. When they met superflys crew Raph sort of did the same once the idea of afight was dropped with this reveal. We do see him pretty ecstatic around Beep bop and Rocksteady however but he still seems the most comfortable around his brothers even when at the Dance he's a bit more playful with them. But we can see him being open around the kids hes befriending. He's a friendly person and likely willing to talk to anyone but it takes him a moment to warm up and be more okay with all his sides being shown.

Raph still wants very much to meet someone who just understands him in a way most don't. Raphael knows he has a lot of anger issue to work through and he tries to handle that best he can but it has made him pretty interested in things that come off more violent like things. Sport, horror movies, fighting in general. Raph isn't a bad person or even trying to be intimating well outside a fight of course, but his interest likely will sort of give him a rep in school as a tough kid, scary dog privilege basically. Look big and mean but when you know Raph? once again scary dog privilege hes loyal and pretty loving very outwardly at that.

Why meeting Casey is such a thing. Casey and Raph hold a bit of rivalry since Raph going into school he wants to just try out for every sport the school has to offer. Of course, this meant the hockey team as well. Raph liked the more contact sports like football over soccer so he tried for the team along with another kid. They were both good but the coah wasn't sure who to pick. Raph wasn't fully set on it but this stupid kid picking a fight with him made him a tad petty so they wound up getting into a fight. To which even after going home with a black eye he told Splinter in a very excited manner he had made a friend. Sure Raph has some like friends least kids he could get along with but I feel thats more outta of convince. Casey is the first person he kind of opens up around to with stuff he hasn't with his brothers even. That got long TDLR: Raph can be reversed and def has the aura of a scary dog like a pit bull so people can be a tad turned off from getting too close to him and his over ethuism for certain things. He got some humans hes friendly with who gotten past that but he can be a tad reserved deepening how comfortable he gets with someone else. And much like many dogs like Pits? Hes actually very friendly, and welcoming.

▶ : My muse and level of education. (If the muse has some form of education, what education they perhaps wish they had, e.t.c.).

"I only now going to school so?"

Anything Raph dose know was taught by splinter or something he abosrd growing up. I don't see him being the best student when it comes to school either. He dose great in subjects like Gym and even art a bit. (I like to think he'll take some art classes) but as for the rest? he'll have some struggles mostly Math and Science courses.

◐ : My muse and animals. (If they like animals and treat them well, do not care for them at all, e.t.c.).

" uh 'm a turtle?" I think Raph likes animals I feel i've said this with nearly all them so far? i really just think Raph is a cat person. But I feel MM also is pretty big on dogs as well. Which is why I keep saying hes got scary dog privilege haha. Dogs sort of match his energy but cats are nice and calming. I feel he treats them pretty nicely gently and with care knows ya gotta let an animal come to you sort. And when one dose? hes the happiest turtle in the world at that moment uwu

❒ : My muse and gifts. (If they are good/bad at finding gifts, good/bad at receiving gifts, good/bad at wrapping gifts, e.t.c.)

"ehh I try?"

I think Raph has found things for his brother like if he spots something they might like or related to it? he'll snag it when on their runs.

☘ : My muse’s relation with their family. (If they speak with each other and how much, if they are close or estranged, e.t.c.).

"I Love them I do jus'..ya know I wanna know others too? nothin' wrong with it?"

Raphael is very much a teen in that part of his life where he's trying to have his own life. Sometimes he can get carried away with it even no that it's something he can have, rather spending time with a friend over his brothers. It's nothing against them at all more him not quite learning that balance yet. But of course his brothers will always be his top priority when it comes down to it. His brothers mean a lot to him and they were his first friends as well. Nothing can ever get between him and them he will feel bad if any of them feel as if that is the case of course.

Raph very much tries to play cool around his brothers pretending he doesn't care but you can see how thats just an act. That he is playing to around his brothers. Sometimes he lets it slip like mentioning he would like to go to school never fully saying why though. Raph is very close to them all though openly joking around with them just being a full dork and getting up into to trouble like messing with Leo's sword and throwing ninja stars around. Despite him sometimes being annoyed with hoe Leo acts and can be you can also see how excited he gets when leo wants to join in on something for once. He gotta be close enough with leo to not be too upset hes playing with his sword. Even leo sort of joins in a bit when they are playing around on the roof. Raph seems to be able to get his brother into messing around.

Like Mikey dose when he tends to start most the jokes they get into even. Raph's clearly older brother side kicks in around them letting Mikey climb on top of him and such. And Raph being quick to jump in to try and help him and Donnie out when they need it that is. Doesn't baby either of them but is for sure there and ready to get in the mix of the danger.

With Donnie his twin uwu never letting this go when I can apply it. He dose pick on them a tad for being a weeb but it is outta of love, luckily anime is more main stream so I doubt Don will have to worry about being picked on for it but if he was? Raph would stand up for them in his own way "Hey he might be a a major dweed for likin' it and he is a major dweeb for likin' it but least he got better thing todo then pick on someone for it" type of sticking up.

He dose try and show some care into what his brothers like but it's cause he really just needs that himself in his life.

He loves Splinter and respects them he dosen't like be grounded but he'll stick to it and not break it even if he grumbles over it. Raph in part dose understand Splinter just looking out for him and his brothers. Sometimes that means he gets grounded or scolded but he dosen't always take it personally more that Splinter dosen't understand to which yeah some bits Splinter dosen't understand. But Raph still dosen't fault them to much for it. Hes still not ready to have a mom though and a tad grossed out on Splinters relationship but it makes him happy so? As for the rest of his family he is getting used to the suddenly abundance he has. He liked having more family around and is closest to Beepbop and Rocksteady, his sort like uncles he can be found with them the most when it comes to the extended part of his family. They sort of get the anger thing and often offer some advice when he's feeling just a tad ganged up on. I like to think they encourage him on his friendship with Casey since they are such an inseparable pair themselves.

#muse| hamato rapheal #madamkezzie #aflockoffeathers #[ you think first i hit first aflockoffeathers]#[ if you jump off a bridge its only cause i did first aflockoffeathers]#[our rivalry is no different than fire and rain forthehonorandtheglory]#muse headcanons #muse bio: hamato rapheal #meme anaswers #ic reply #stayed qeued #((like I know raph said it himself but I have a slight joke on why he drake its why i picked drake as a crush and why he watched a show the #were in and it is all related to you saying your mm casey lived in canada XD cause drakes form there and the show is a canadian show XD))

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thesummerstorms · 3 months ago

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17,18,24 from the worldstate ask for Rook :D

17. If Rook could switch factions, which one would they join? What would their reason be?

I think Arsinoë would be unlikely to voluntarily switch factions after having grown up a Crow. Not that it didn't occur to her that she could use the opportunity of her exile with Varric to fake her own death and disappear, but ultimately she would never be able to bring herself to.

Call it sunk cost fallacy, unhealthy loyalty towards Viago, a complicated love for Antiva, arrogant belief she can force things to change, fear of the Crows being angered and taking it out on whoever she joins up with, whatever. But she's too entrenched to leave easily or maybe at all.

That said, in a world where she either was never a Crow or was forced to remain in exile, I could see her freelancing for the Shadow Dragons if she somehow ended up in Tevinter. Even the Crows couldn't entirely kill her empathy, and it seems like the type of job that she'd find meaningful. Not having to hide her magic in Tevinter would be a plus, despite how terrible Tevinter makes magic generally.

18. How does your Rook feel about Spite? How do they deal with him?

I haven't done much more than hint at this so far, but Arsinoë actually "heard" spirits very early and easily as a child. It terrified her mother, and Arsinoë was admonished/instructed to hide the gift from a very young age. That was reinforced by being a Crow and watching the handful of Crow spirit mages were using spirit healing for torture/ eventually angering the spirits they called on when their gifts were used with malice / were more restricted and feared than other mages.

So Arsinoë spent almost her entire life denying she could interact easily with spirits until she had eventually talked herself into not hearing them anymore. She genuinely thought she lost the gift... Until Solas's blood magic + living in the Fade + dealing with Spite and Manfred and the Necropolis began to force her awareness to the surface again.

When that happened, I think it made her that much more wary of Spite at first. She promised herself she was done listening, and then here's Spite, already possessing Lucanis, and she can't shut it out so easily. Add in Lucanis's nosebleed that first day in the fade, and for a while she's quietly anxious. Her anxiety to deny that part of her magic makes it harder for her to deal with being able to sense Spite's presence and it's made worse by the intensity of Spite's desire to interact with her. She isn't even so much suspicious of Spite so much as afraid for herself.

That said, as Emmrich coaxes her back into actually listening for spirits, and she deals with all the Crossroads madness, she eventually decides Spite's probably the least of her problems, Fade wise. It helps that Arsinoë's nature compliments Determination/Spite and Spite is generally positive towards her as a result. Eventually, she comes to appreciate Spite for his own nature.

By the end of Veilguard she considers Spite an important person to her and part of her poly relationship with Neve and Lucanis. Spite's part isn't exactly sexual, isn't exactly romantic but also isn't not. It's complicated and too weird to define.** But Spite is hers, a much as either of her lovers.

** yes, I, the aroace DA player, have a bad habit of making too many quiromantic "what the fuck is romantic love.... But also I love you somehow, some way, for life" character relationships. No I don't anticipate ever stopping.

24. What does your Rook think of “The Crows rule Antiva. Treviso will be free.”?

She will openly roll her eyes at Viago when he says it despite the facts being entirely true or agreed upon. Yes, she intends to help free Antiva from the Antaam. Yes, functionally, historically, the Crows have shaped Antiva's course in history. But the pronouncement/refrain feels a little ridiculous to her as a catch phrase.

(she's also generally someone who thinks the Crows shouldn't be running the whole country ... But thinks any effort to change it at this point wouldn't be worth the harm it would cause to Antiva as a nation and she doesn't see anyone better for the job stepping up.)

Thank you for the ask!!!! These were fun to think about.

#Arsinoë de Riva #rook de riva

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buriedwithit · 10 months ago

Text

INTRODUCING: EZRA SHAW

⸻ ( oliver jackson-cohen, 37, cis man, he/him ) — Look who it is! If you take a look at our database, you’ll find that EZRA SHAW is a TRAM DRIVER that works in SECTOR 3. According to the file, they’re a mutant with the power of CORRUPTION MANIPULATION. That must be why they’re DARING and VIOLENT. If you ask me, they remind me of a grin full of sharp teeth, the acrid scent of smoke, and the feeling of being watched. They are affiliated with THE DAMNED.

basic information:

character name: ezra shaw

alias (es): shade

face claim: oliver jackson-cohen

mutation status: gen ii mutant ( corruption physiology )

distinguishing mutations: black blood, eyes, and veins across his body.

birthday: october 27th

sexuality: bisexual

moral alignment: chaotic evil

occupation: tram driver

work sector: sector 3

affiliation: the damned

3 positive traits: versatile, perceptive, witty

3 negative traits: conniving, self-centered, irresponsible

character summary:

after violently emancipating himself from his family, ezra has come from a settlement in europe to explore life untethered from his old bonds. naturally, that leaves him free to be the worst person ever.

questionnaire:

how do they feel about living in sol city? have they always lived there or did they travel from another settlement?

ezra is welcome to the change in scenery and the new opportunities that sol city brings him, especially with rampant corruption brewing. he's from a european-based settlement originally, but left to avoid persecution for criminal activity.

do they trust the council's leadership? why or why not?

the council is only interesting as far as it effects him, but i wouldn't say he trusts them. or anyone. he can sense the self-serving agendas from a mile away.

if they chose their sector and profession, why did they make that choice? if they didn't, why not? were they happy with their assignment or not?

he chose his profession upon applying for citizenship with the city and did so to more easily familiarize himself with the layout.

what's one object that they always keep on their person?

a lighter!

what is your character's ability (or abilities)?

corruption manipulation.

are they gen i or gen ii?

gen ii.

what can your character do? what are their strengths?

control and manipulate the forces of corruption, particularly of the moral variety. this allows him to take control of the minds and hearts of others ( with certain limitations ), resist damage, destroy bonds, augment/corrupt other’s abilities, and more.

what can't they do? what are their weaknesses?

the use of his powers comes at a heavy cost—corruption sickness. too little use will cause weakness, too much causes an overload which will physically corrupt him until he can expel the excess corruptive energy. he can’t control people or objects for long periods of time or at long range. he is extremely susceptible to any abilities having to do with purification.

is there anything else you'd like to specify about them?

his skin pattern is very much like a siamese cat in that his extremities are darker gray than his face and torso, minus the center of his chest. dark veins branch out from his heart to the rest of his body, until the color bleeds into his hands and feet. his eyes have no pupils and are completely black. instead of normal teeth, he has needle-sharp fangs. basically cannot pass for human in any way lol.

possible connections:

other damned members: in particular, the mutant(s) that recruited him! we could plot out the specifics but most likely murder was involved.

enemies: people he has wronged, yes, already. or maybe that just don't trust him! he is a crow of a human being with no respect for anyone else.

partner in crime: someone who he struck it up right with... because they're both terrible people who bring out the worst in each other! could be part of the damned, but doesn't have to be.

#armatask

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jahayla-writes · 3 years ago

Note

🎃~ my hobbies are music and writing, put it togethed and you get a singer/songwriter haha, so i spend a lot of my free time working out melodies and coming up with lyrics. (kaz brekker, romantic)

Lowering The Tides - The Power of Music: Kaz Brekker x Reader

Description: 14.5k wc reader is a crow and Kaz has long harbored feelings for her (cause as we know, the man can’t be honest about that) but when he learns her secret hobby it only intensifies his feelings.

Warnings: typical SoC warnings/material, mentions of trauma, violence, etc.

Obviously credit goes to Taylor Swift for the songs and all rights belong to her.

This is kinda long but hopefully you enjoy it!

“Are you going to be making this a daily occurrence Jesper?” Kaz asked harshly, barely glancing up at the sharpshooter from his desk.

“I don’t know what you’re referencing boss” Jesper lied, hands tightening on his revolvers nervously.

Kaz glowered at him again before turning back to his work without a response.

Jesper sighed and plopped himself in the one seat he knew he shouldn’t.

The crows often switched seats each time they’d enter depending on who would arrive first or how close they wanted to be to Kaz (or rather how far from him).

However, there was only one seat that never changed, and it belonged to y/n.

Of course Kaz would never verbalize this.

But he had made it clear to everyone that no one else would be tolerated in that seat.

Y/n had joined the crows quite some time ago and Jesper had watched in semi-silent intrigue for a long time as Kaz clearly developed feelings towards her.

Jesper knew not to push Kaz, as he’d only resist and possibly push y/n away as a result.

So until yesterday, he’d said nothing.

However, a heist had gone wrong the day before yesterday in which Jesper couldn’t help but notice the regret in Kaz’s eyes when he thought the three of them wouldn’t make it out.

It was not just the typical angry regret he’d have after a mission went wrong.

But instead, Jesper noticed Kaz’s eyes were frozen on y/n as she rested against the wall, accepting her fate.

In his eyes was a look of regret and guilt for getting her into this position, but also this burning regret and sense of longing.

The look told Jesper if Kaz were anyone else, he’d have asked y/n out ages ago.

So, Jesper of course made it his mission to get Kaz to act on it now that all three made it out fine.

As a result, yesterday and today Jesper had shown up to Kaz’s office to try and convince him to do so.

Yesterday hadn’t gone so well when Jesper was blunt about it.

Therefore Jesper tried something new today.

——

As expected, when Jesper plopped into y/N’s seat, he received a harsh glare from Kaz.

The same one that the other crows had earned when trying to sit there.

In fact, they’d received those looks for sitting there even before y/n was a crow.

Which is why it was shocking to them all when y/n unknowingly sat in that chair and while Kaz paused briefly, he didn’t glare or say anything.

He didn’t like people being that close, but y/n didn’t seem to bother him.

Jesper remembered poor Nina assuming the change meant that anyone could now sit there.

Oh how very wrong she was, and she learned that very quickly.

Y/n never seemed to notice, instead mumbling occasionally about how soft the chair was and that she was surprised they’d left the nice chair for her.

To be honest, if Jesper thought about it, he missed that sign and he just now realized Kaz had switched the chairs.

He must’ve done it after he first allowed her to sit there.

It wasn’t that the old chair was uncomfortable, but the one he had here was similar but much softer, newer.

He hadn’t realized it then, but as he sat here now it was clear.

Kaz had switched chairs so y/n was more comfortable and would want to sit in that chair and not the others.

It took all his strength to not smirk at further proof of Kaz’s infatuation.

As Jesper ignored Kaz’s glare, Kaz sighed and loudly set his pen on the desk, “do not even try. Move, now”.

Jesper bit his lip nervously, “if I move, will you talk to me?”.

“We are talking now, are we not? If you move, I will not call Rotty to drag you out by your toes” Kaz offered.

Jesper gulped and stood up, dejectedly sitting in one of the other chairs.

“Why won’t you tell her?” Jesper prodded.

“Tell who what?” Kaz asked, resuming his work.

“Y/n, how you feel” Jesper whined, annoyed to be having the same conversation from yesterday.

“And how do I feel, Jesper?” Kaz asked, secretly hoping the sharpshooter who was experienced in this area could offer clarity for him.

Of course Kaz knew something was different in the way he saw her, treated her, felt towards her, etc.

But he couldn’t figure out why.

Well more like he wouldn’t accept the why.

He needed another explanation, one he hoped Jesper would find.

Jesper was surprised Kaz wasn’t as reserved as yesterday.

Yesterday Kaz had sent Jesper out of his room within minutes, arguing Jesper was delusional.

It wasn’t much better today, but it was progress.

“You love her” Jesper stated, staring at Kaz as if it were obvious.

“I don’t love anyone or anything” Kaz argued, “love only causes more pain and danger”.

The last part was mumbled under his breath but Jesper heard.

“But it’s worth it” Jesper argued.

“At what cost?” Kaz growled.

“What? What do you mean?” Jesper asked.

“At what cost? Hmm? Let’s say your delusional theory was correct, all confessing would do is put both of us in danger” Kaz told him.

Understanding Jesper needed more clarification himself, Kaz continued, “Rollins or someone else could use her against us -against me- I won’t put her in that situation…. Even if your theory were probable, which it’s not”.

“Life in the barrel is risky Kaz, while it’s sweet you’re worried for her” Jesper smirked, “one, you know damn well she can handle herself. And two, if Rollins or anyone else knew how you feel, yes it could be used against you. But they could use a lot of things against you, whether you admit it or not “.

Jesper thought of how angry Kaz would get if someone tried to harm the other crows, his touch aversion (people still speculated it has to do with all kinds of crazy ideas other than the fact he simply seemed to not be able to touch people), his need to handle Rollins himself (Kaz nearly lost it when another crew accidentally burned part of Rollins’s estate during a fight), etc.

He understood y/n could be a bigger one, but he also wanted Kaz to know how ignorant he was being towards one related concept.

“Not to mention…” Jesper said, taking a deep breath.

“Yet, I assume you are” Kaz remarked, steppling his fingers.

Jesper rolled his eyes and continued, “I assumed your inflated ego would make this obvious to you, but clearly not”.

Kaz glared at him, resisting the flushing feeling in his cheeks as he questioned if his ego was truly inflamed.

Reminding himself that even if it were, it’s what kept him alive, he prevented his cheeks from becoming red as he tapped his fingers together while glaring at Jesper.

“Are you so daft as to think anyone in the barrel or Ketterdam would be brave enough to try and steal from you?” Jesper asked.

“Kaz we sleep in a building practically filled with Kruge and no one batts an eye” Jesper laughed.

“If they were afraid of how Inej’s attacker lost an eye and was tossed overboard, they’d be petrified to even think of what would happen would someone touch y/n” Jesper said, shivering, “Saints, I don’t want to know myself”

“Not the time for dramatics Jesper” Kaz scolded, tidying up his desk to have something else to focus on.

“I wasn’t. It doesn’t sound like a typical Kaz thing to get into a relationship, let alone announce it, but it could work” Jesper debated.

Kaz knew Jesper was right, that wouldn’t be a typical Kaz thing.

But as much as he resisted thinking about what y/n deserved and what he wanted for her (while simultaneously ignoring the nagging question his mind asked his heart regarding why he was even thinking this to start with; not wanting to know the answer), he knew he wanted more than a typical Kaz thing or relationship for her.

Was this a way to do that?

Did he want that?

Kaz fought so hard for so long he didn’t even know what he, Kaz Brekker nor Kaz Rietveld, wanted.

He knew he longed for things.

Things like being able to enjoy physical contact, or saints, he’d settle for not getting violently sick during it.

Things like making y/n laugh or smile. She often would, but he longed to be the reason.

Noticing where his thoughts were headed, Kaz refocused on his current setting.

But one question kept bashing him, did he want y/n romantically?

“Ooh I stumped the bastard of the barrel?!” Jesper grinned.

“No. I am merely thinking. Why do you assume there’s anything more than a professional work partnership between y/n and I?” Kaz asked.

"If only your biceps were as think as your skull" Jesper mumbled, snickering.

Kaz’s eyes darkened as he glared at Jesper.

“Okay, okay. Kaz I’m not going to try and convince you. That’s not my place “ Jesper said, standing up, pleased Kaz was at least semi-cooperative today.

“Yet here you are” Kaz pointed out.

Jesper hummed, “yes well, I thought I was only needing to push you to act. I didn’t consider you hadn’t figured out your feelings yet”.

Kaz tightened his jaw and remained silent, unsure what to say.

Kaz knew he was acting unusual, but this was not an area in which he did well.

Conversations to begin with were difficult for him unless it had to do with business or lying.

And even if he accepted the notion that Jesper was something like a friend, Kaz struggled to be cordial.

Especially given the topic they’d been discussing.

It felt wrong to talk about y/n behind her back, good or bad.

It actually felt wrong to talk about her at all, he wasn’t sure he had the right to.

He’d shown no appreciation towards her nor even thanked her for the kind actions she would do for him and the crows.

Yet he felt a tug in his mind as if there was a desperate desire to continue talking about her.

Usually he satisfied that by letting his brain cycle his confusing and conflicting thoughts rather than talk to anyone about it.

Hence why this particular conversation was so challenging for him.

“So there’s nothing. If you knew, you would say as much. That tells me -“ Kaz complained.

“There’s not nothing Kaz. Not even close. But I’m not going to tell you. You’ll either stop doing it, act differently towards her, or otherwise not listen to yourself “ Jesper defended, walking to the door.

“Since you don’t trust anyone but yourself, trust yourself enough to look at this without so much animosity and fear” Jesper muttered, opening the door.

“I don’t fear” Kaz growled making Jesper laugh and walk away, closing the door behind him.

Kaz groaned, the conversation produced some help but not the way he’d hoped.

He wanted Jesper to just say outright what Kaz felt, as impractical as that is.

He didn’t want to have to face his demons, trauma, or answer the questions in his mind.

But if Jesper was right that y/n and Kaz being … well whatever Kaz could offer to be for her…, wouldn’t significantly increase her chance of harm… he was intrigued.

He knew he had felt some weird pull towards y/n but he didn’t want to risk confusing or hurting her if he’d misread it.

Kaz didn’t have many people he considered friends.

He needed to make sure these feelings he had weren’t just those of two close friends before he could decide how he felt and if he should act.

Therefore, as reluctant as he was, he began spending small amounts of time out of his office during times he normally wouldn’t.

It had been a few weeks and he was pleased by the conversations he’d had with her.

Albeit in small and usually unimportant settings, he found he enjoyed her company.

However, he still couldn’t understand if it was friendly or romantic.

——

As Kaz walked past y/n’s door, heading to yell at Jesper -Kaz having just been informed Jesper had exceeded his credit at another gambling den that night-, he stopped.

Kaz quietly stood as he listened to the sound of low music playing.

He couldn’t explain why but even as his interest peaked at the sound, he also felt some of his standard tension in his shoulders loosen slightly.

He waited for a pause in the music before knocking.

“Come in!” Y/n’s voice called through the door.

Kaz opened her door, stepping in as his eyes scanned the room.

He’d been in her room only a handful of times since she became a crow.

It looked nearly the same as he remembered it being the last time he was there.

The only difference was the scattered pieces of paper, with what seemed like music notes on them, and a guitar resting next to her bed.

“Oh, hey Kaz!” Y/n said, her tone displayed her surprise but she added, “I thought you were Jesper”.

Kaz found himself biting his bottom lip on the inside at the idea she’d been so excited for Jesper to come in.

Was he jealous of their friendship?

Or was the jealous that she might like Jesper as more than a friend?

“Jesper will likely be hiding all night” Kaz told her, standing awkwardly stiff by the door.

“Uh oh, what did he do this time?” Y/n laughed.

Kaz felt the muscles in his cheeks strain as if his lips wanted to curl upwards, “the usual”.

Y/n nodded slowly, “okay. What’s up Kaz?”

“I heard music” He said simply, shifting to stretch his leg.

Y/n smiled and blushed, “oh, was it too loud?”

Kaz shook his head once, “no… it sounded good”.

Y/n blushed darker, “did you want to come sit?”.

Kaz nodded slowly, limping towards her.

Instead of sitting in the only chair in her room, he opted for the floor next to her.

He carefully avoided the scattered music sheets around them and sat down and watched her.

“I didn’t know you played any instruments” he said, his voice quieter than normal but still as firm.

“Yeah… I can play guitar and piano” she whispered.

“I have never heard you play before” Kaz said.

Y/n nodded and while he was clearly only making statements and not asking questions, she knew him well enough by now that she knew better.

He never wanted to seem like he needed anything from people, even answers to questions he had.

“I don’t really play around people, I mostly do it because… well I find music to be really healing” she mumbles.

Kaz is silent but his eyes aren’t quite as intense, and she can see what might be a glimmer of genuine interest in them.

“It helps to get the words and thoughts out of my head and do something with them. And even just hearing it, especially when I can relate to the words or there’s calming notes helps too” she rambled.

Kaz nodded his head a couple times, “you don’t play then, you create”.

She looked away flustered, “I try to yeah”.

“Can I hear one?” He asked, shocking her a bit.

Not only did he actually pose it as a question and not a statement or demand, he actually wanted to hear her.

While she was nervous, she knew moments like this with Kaz wouldn’t happen often and that she should take advantage while she could.

“One of mine or a general one? I have some from the Little Palace, or Inej stole one from -“ y/n said and Kaz noticed she was going to keep going until he answered.

Which was fine, he already had his response, “one of yours”.

She nodded and bit her lip, “lyrics or instrumental?”.

Kaz felt his eyes scan over her body language as she asked to see if she was trying to hint towards which she was more comfortable with.

“The full thing” Kaz said, trying to make his voice not as demanding.

She seemed to notice and smiled at him, which triggered this weird feeling in his chest.

He made a mental note to return to that experience later when he was alone and could process it more, after all, one doesn’t normally experience that feeling toward a friend right?

Y/n nodded and Kaz watched as she seemingly searched for a particular sheet.

She took a deep breath and grabbed for her guitar, pleading with her hands to stop trembling with nerves.

It was rare for anyone to hear her play, let alone in private, in her bedroom, at night, with such focus and curiosity, and that person being Kaz made it much more surreal.

“You’re uncomfortable” Kaz said suddenly, “you are not required to do this”.

She shook her head, giving him a thankful smile, “I’m just nervous, you’ve never heard me before. That’s all”.

“I only want you to do this if you’re okay with it” Kaz said, his voice tense but quiet.

“I’m okay with it, but thank you” she nodded, “okay, so this one is about… you know what, you decide. Maybe music can help you too”.

“Because I need to be fixed” he said, hating that his tone came off harsh; he wasn’t mad at her.

Upon noticing that he said it as a fact and not a question, y/n quickly shook her head.

“We all have our struggles, histories, and traumas. No one needs to be fixed, just to feel heard, understood, and not alone. I try to write so it fits my experiences but could also hopefully help others who dealt with similar “ She explained.

“I’m not trying to fix you Kaz. You don’t need to be fixed, and I understand not wanting to share. I usually don’t either, music is my outlet for that so it doesn’t stay in and I don’t feel so isolated“ She told him, glancing at the sheet in her hand.

“Pretend as you might, or maybe you truly believe it, you don’t need to change nor do you need to be alone during hard times” She sighed .

“The lyrics may or may not resonate with you, but the instrumental aspect for this song is soft, open, and calming so I’m hoping at the least, it’ll help your insomnia” She grinned, “can’t hurt right?”

Kaz smirked and nodded in agreement, knowing if the song was anything like that of which he heard through the door moments ago, she might actually accomplish her goal.

As she strummed her guitar to the song, Kaz watched her delicate fingers slide along the strings, changing positions as the notes changed.

While his eyes were alert with deep focus, trying to absorb every detail, he could feel his body more.

He often ignored any pain or stiffness he experienced on a daily basis, only the worst of the worst with his leg ever went routinely noticed unless he aggressively focused on it.

So while it wasn’t an instant relaxation, the tone allowed him to feel more connected with his own body and surroundings.

After a few moments of only instrumental music, she began to sing, making Kaz’s bottom jaw loosen; not quite drop as he didn’t think he’d ever done (nor ever would do) that, but still shifted in response to her.

As she closed her eyes, getting into the song more and becoming more comfortable performing for him, Kaz made it his mission to focus on the lyrics and hopefully understand their meaning.

“I've been having a hard time adjusting

I had the shiniest wheels, now they're rusting

I didn't know if you'd care if I came back

I have a lot of regrets about that”

Kaz shut his eyes as he focused on the words she sang and soothing strums of her guitar.

He wasn’t sure who she was singing about or who the song was written for, but oddly enough he made his own connection to it.

When Jordie got sick and later died, Kaz went from feeling like he was on top of the world to feeling like he was swallowed whole by it.

“Pulled the [ride] off the road to the lookout

Could've followed my fears all the way down

And maybe I don't quite know what to say

But I'm here in your doorway”

He still wasn’t sure who this was directed to, but he very desperately wanted to know.

He couldn’t imagine the girl before him, who was exposing her heart through these lyrics, to ever feel that way.

To feel fearful, doomed, and uncertain.

They were sensations Kaz knew far too well, which only made him desire to erase her experiences with them.

While he felt his body start to tense as he envisioned her feeling this way, the next verse halted that.

“I wanted you to know

That this is me trying

I just wanted you to know

That this is me trying”

Suddenly Kaz was thrown back to memories of two very different situations.

The first that came to mind, as it often did when thinking of his past, was that of him trying to survive after the death of his brother.

He’d been only a child at the time, still sick from his own recent infection, and having just lost Jordie; not to mention what he did/endured in his traumatic trip back from where their bodies were discarded.

Yet, Ketterdam took pity on no one and he had to fight for his survival, alone; often in ways that made him physically sick and full of self-hatred at first.

He recalled having to give up his morals and the only thought he could hear his brain tell himself at the time was that he was simply trying to survive.

All of those horrid things he did, and has done since, were him trying.

Initially trying to survive, then trying to get revenge for his brother.

It felt perplexing to him that despite these intense recollections, his breathing stayed steady as she strummed her guitar.

Perhaps it was because her lyrics made him feel heard, as if he had confessed to her that while a part of him -the small remainders of Kaz Rietveld- hated what he had done, he always justified it as necessary.

Her lyrics seemed to imply that she understood how certain actions may not be ideal or may even come across as confusing or unacceptable to others while truly being a means of one’s trying.

The other vision that came to mind expressed similar sentiments to the meaning of her lyrics but a very contrasted memory to that of his survival.

In fact, it was almost as if the first vision was to be looked at as an explanation for the second one.

The second recollection this verse caused took him back to times in which he’d made attempts to show he cared.

Most of the time, the motivation/emotion being his actions in these circumstances went unnoticed.

So much so that by the time y/n had joined his crows, he’d long since deemed it futile.

He never wanted to show vulnerability or weakness as is, so when he’d cautiously attempt to do so and it was taken wrong or disregarded he felt worse than doing nothing.

That was until y/n entered the slat and his life.

He recalled standing outside of her door after a heist that was hard on her.

Kaz didn’t understand then, nor now, what it was that made that particular night harder for her than the others.

And while he felt like an enormous fool, he went to her door to help.

But he couldn’t get himself to knock, unsure what he had to offer her.

He couldn’t hold or touch y/n to console her, he was never good with words, and he has tried to avoid knowing her better to not get attached.

He did not know how long he’d been standing outside y/n’s door pointlessly before Inej caught him.

Inej noticed he didn’t even seem to sense her presence that night, evidently too focused on staring at y/n’s door.

“Just talk to her” Inej suggested, stepping out of the shadows in the hall.

“You know I cannot do that” he snapped, his jaw set.

“Then don’t. Just let her talk” She rebutted.

Kaz pondered that thought and accepted it as something he could do.

One Kaz nodded, Inej smiled to herself and quietly left him in the hall.

That night, when he finally did knock, he, like the lyrics she sang expressed, didn’t know what to say; not even to explain why he was there.

When y/n answered, Kaz noticed her ragged breathing and red eyes as if she’d been crying.

He despised the feeling of guilt he felt for not knocking earlier; he wouldn’t have responded that way to others, so why did he feel that way?

At the same time, he wasn’t sure his body could handle seeing her cry.

Just the mere presence of her bloodshot eyes and dried trails of tears on her cheeks made him grit his teeth to keep his mouth from contorting into a frown.

At the time, Y/n wasn’t sure if it was her exhaustion from the heist and her breakdown, or his presence alone, but seeing him at her door suddenly made her sleepy.

She later realized it was him, somehow he made her feel safer and more calm, almost at peace and invincible.

Y/n wiped her eyes and cheeks, looking anywhere but his face, “hi Kaz. Sorry, I’m a mess. Did I forget something?”

Kaz shook his head, “I’m not here for the mission”.

She squinted at him but let him in, stepping to the side so he had more room to get through the doorway.

“M-make yourself at home” y/n said, her voice horse, “I just need to…”.

Kaz stood wordlessly as his eyes bored into her’s as if they could confess everything to him.

Y/n forced a strangled laugh, “to clean myself up so I’m not such a mess, I’ll be back”.

“You’re not a mess” Kaz said, his voice flat but sincere.

Y/n brought her arms to her chest, her body swaying side to side, “th.. thanks Kaz. I’m going to splash some water on my face, do you need anything?”

Kaz shook his head, pressing on his cane for support.

When she reappeared from the bathroom, Kaz noticed the dewy texture on her skin from the water but overall she looked better.

They sat in front of each other, neither daring to say anything.

It was only once Kaz noticed the decreased time between her breaths, her fingers twitching in her lap, and the distant look on her eyes that he spoke.

“I will listen, if you care to share” he said, hoping it came across as comforting even if his voice sounded robotic.

“I’m not good at talking. I’m sorry… I just…” she mumbled, a quivering voice and lower lip.

“Do not ever apologise until you have something to apologise for. This is not that” Kaz told her, resting his hands on his knees, “we can sit in silence”.

“It’s not that I don’t want to talk to you Kaz. I just can’t talk about tonight…” she weakly said, looking away from his eyes.

“So talk. I don’t care about what” Kaz assured with a calloused voice.

“Not that I don’t like it, but why are you doing this?” Y/n inquired.

“I… hate seeing you like this” Kaz confessed, wanting to immediately bury himself alive.

Y/n smiled softly and covered her face with her hands, looking away shyly, “oh, well thank you”.

Kaz nodded, “ I will not ask you to talk about whatever happened to you, not unless you want to�� or you’re physically hurt currently,… just talk to me”.

They did talk they night, both of them.

Yes, it was mostly y/n as was to be expected, but Kaz joined in more than he anticipated.

Neither revealed anything major, but both seemed to find comfort in simply talking about nothing.

That wasn’t the only night Kaz had tried to show her he cared even if he was a miserable novice at it.

Other times he’d have someone bring him tea, but upon leaving he’d set it by her door; he knew she’d hear the tapping of his cane but would wait to see if he’d knock and ask to enter or not.

He often found his heart wishing he would do so, but his brain shut that nonsense down.

As a result, leaving cups of tea or a book she’d mentioned during one of their talks, making Inej alert him if she had skipped dinner, and greeting her arrival with a tender nod was the best he could offer.

He knew it wasn’t enough and that his inability to knock some nights likely made her remember how reserved he was and see him as distancing himself.

Which, in some way he was.

Dirtyhands despised even these small tries, seeing them as a futile weakness and vulnerability; making him not be able to make bigger attempts.

Whereas the side of Kaz that still listened to his heart -the part that managed to not be wrecked by the plague and Jordie’s death- drove him to try, even if he had to fight his instincts to do so.

——

“They told me all of my cages were mental

So I got wasted like all my potential”

Kaz opened his eyes, head hanging lower from the unconscious relaxation in his shoulders and neck.

He hated that he worried about it, but did she feel she was wasting her time and potential here?

It would be understandable, but still not something he wanted to have be true.

If not, when did she feel this way and who caused it?

He knew she had been overworked and manipulated as a child, perhaps that was it?

Or was he just trying to come up with something so he wouldn’t feel guilty?

“And my words shoot to kill when I'm mad

I have a lot of regrets about that”

Kaz relaxed more upon realizing she wasn’t singing about anything recent.

He knew because in all his time of knowing her, even when riled up or hurt she’d never snapped at anyone.

His inspection of y/N’s non-verbal cues informed him that she was genuinely regretful about that alleged past response.

That must be why she was more reserved than the other crows.

Kaz recalled moments he wanted to stand up to others in her defense when she tried to appear unbothered.

He never knew why, but now he did.

It was ironic to him that they both responded the same way -through harsh words- but unlike how he used it as a weapon of defense, she’d tried to stop by not saying anything during those moments.

But again, he felt heard and as if someone understood him and his natural responses, even if they formed bad tendencies.

“I was so ahead of the curve, the curve became a sphere

Fell behind on my classmates, and I ended up here

Pouring out my heart to a stranger

But I didn't pour the whiskey”

Kaz sighed as quietly as he could manage, not wanting to interrupt her.

He knew some of her past; he was Dirtyhands after all, and Dirtyhands wouldn’t hire someone without any basic knowledge on them.

——

So he connected the dots that this section of the song was likely referring to her always trying so hard, going above and beyond in school and her family (he recalled her taking care of family members even as a young child, something he himself had tried to do), and working so hard.

He also knew that she burnt out as a response to this and not feeling she succeeded.

Inej had told him that she kept pushing even as she left home and tried to survive alone (after not having a safe place with who was left in her family).

So it wasn’t surprising that one day her body gave up, having gotten so tired she passed out on her way to class.

That’s how in the end, she found Inej.

Y/n had been taken by some creep that day but when Inej was working on a task for Kaz, she noticed an unusual presence lurking.

Y/n had escaped, and was fearfully cowering in a dark corner around the street, trying to stay hidden as she regained some strength and energy.

Inej knew most people would not notice her, and if they did, they’d ignore her.

But she knew the look in the girl’s eyes and felt compelled to help.

Inej hid y/n from Kaz in her room that night so the girl could rest at the slat for at least that night until she found another option.

Kaz stumbled upon y/n the next morning as the girl cut down an expensive tapestry Kaz hung just to show off their success.

He watched with a smirk as the strange girl slipped the item into her dirty coat, none of his crows or dregs noticing her thievery.

Instead of calling her out, he asked Inej to tail the girl to see what the stranger did with the tapestry , curious to her motivation.

If he knew her motivation, he had a chance to convince her to work for him as a dreg.

He already saw her potential, even if she wasn’t the quickest or most confident person to try to steal from him.

Her cut at the top of the tapestry was unbelievably straight and as close to the seam as possible, maximizing the resale value.

And the fact he’d been the only one to see her doing this was irritatingly impressive.

Inej told him what y/n confessed to her the night before when she took her to the crow club to ensure the girl wasn’t part a trap.

She told him she knew the girl would be selling the stolen item to support herself and whatever her next step was.

It wasn’t too long until Inej brought the girl back, Kaz letting her keep the tapestry, and offered her a job as a dreg to keep supporting herself.

However, there was a look of terror in her eyes and she declined his offer upon finding out all his Dregs had been tattooed to identity their loyalty.

Kaz pushed the offer again, being sure to note she would not be forced to bear the tattoo the rest did.

Inej was the only other one who had that waiver.

He wasn’t sure if she experienced the same thing as Inej or not, but he would not let a tattoo get in the way of gang benefiting from her skills, nor would he be the reason for that look of fear in her eyes to return.

It wasn’t too long after she accepted that Kaz promoted her to a crow, the rest being history.

——

Kaz closed his eyes again as she sang the chorus and he concluded she interpreted the whole ordeal, opening up to Inej, her refusing to drink away the night after a failed attempt the way the others did, and they way she would retreat to her room instead of arguing or defending herself, was all her trying her best.

All while she felt it wasn’t enough.

Kaz felt that deep in his bones, something he couldn’t help but understand and connect to.

——

“It was kind of you to share that” Kaz declared upon the end of her song, and to y/n, his breathy tone displayed what he actually meant.

“You’re welcome Kaz” she responded, watching as he nodded that her assumption was correct.

“I hope it helps” she shrugged, setting the guitar down.

“It did” he admitted, his voice more stable but almost calm.

Y/n grinned as she scanned him and found his muscles weren’t as stiff, his back actually arched ever so slightly; he was relaxing, because of her music.

——

Since that night, Kaz attempted more often to connect more.

After a few days he finally accepted that maybe she’d been right about music being healing; or maybe it was just her, or both.

Either way, she helped him without expecting anything in response, and she made herself vulnerable to do so.

He knew he should try to reciprocate even if it went against his instincts and he knew he’d likely fail.

Kaz didn’t push her to sing more for him, knowing it was a special, vulnerable, and purposeful activity for her.

Instead, he wrote her a letter, continuing their conversation from that night, and slid it under her door.

She returned the action and over the next several weeks, the conversation turned more sincere and personal.

Kaz nearly stopped abruptly, Dirtyhands wanting to take over, but by recalling the bright smile on her face the first time he opened up to her in the letter -even if it was in the most minuscule of ways-, he pushed through.

It wasn’t comfortable, for either of them, as it was unusual to instill that trust in someone.

But they tried, for the other.

Of course, neither one said this nor told the others, but it continued in private for a long time.

He knew it would not seem like a big step or display on his end, but it was for him.

Yet, as hesitant as he was, he soon found that watching the ink sprawl over the paper as it formed words and thoughts he felt he couldn’t say aloud.

Kaz also found himself anticipating her response, sometimes looking up from his desk at the faintest noise in hopes the sounds originated from her letter sliding under his door.

He wasn’t sure why she went along with it, especially without question or any verbalized acknowledgment to their routine between them.

But he was pleased she did.

——

One night, Kaz stood upon seeing her handwriting on the envelope slipping across his floor.

He opened it and read it over, making his usual annotations on it and notes of what he wanted to say back.

However, his hand froze and his chin twitched as his facial muscles resisted a pleased grin.

At the bottom of her letter, she added an offer to show him some of a song she’d been working on.

He was more than pleased to have the chance to hear more of her creations, especially without having to ask for it.

Kaz stood and grabbed his cane, heading for the door when he noticed a small shadow in the gap under the door.

He smirked, settling back into his seat, “Come in”.

Y/n sauntered in, a guitar in one hand and a sheepish look on her face as she sucked her lips in between her top and bottom teeth.

“You had a proposition” Kaz said, raising an eyebrow at her.

She blushed and nodded quickly, “I’m not done with it… but I wanted to share what I do have”.

“I have no objection but I am intrigued as to the sudden offer” Kaz said, his best attempt at telling her he was wanting to hear it but didn’t understand why she wanted him to.

“Well, I think it’ll explain that too “ She mumbled, biting her thumb’s nail.

Kaz tried to offer a smile but he had a feeling it looked more like a grimace.

However, y/n seemed to understand what he was trying to do.

She nodded and began to play the song for him, surprising him by the way she kept eye contact with him.

Her discomfort with keeping this connection to him was clear to Kaz.

But he watched as she fought through that and still found a way to express her sentiments through her tone as she sang.

Kaz could tell this was important to her, that she clearly wanted him to hear this song.

Unlike last time, he couldn’t always see himself in this song.

He was in no way innocent.

He of course connected to the opening verse and the angst associated with it, having experienced similar.

But the fact anyone could see him as innocent was inconceivable to him.

“Did some things you can't speak of

But at night you live it all again

You wouldn't be shattered on the floor now

If only you had seen what you know now then”

Kaz’s tight lips dropped, parting his mouth.

Realization hit him that this song was for him, about him.

He felt what could only be perceived as honor deep inside him that she’d taken the time to write him a song.

But the notion of being innocent, or her looking at him that way, felt wrong.

She stared at him anxiously, clearly unsure how he’d respond to her song.

Kaz took a deep breath, hoping he wouldn’t let his fear and confusion come across aggressively.

“You find me to be innocent” he said, meaning to ask it instead but his sharp tongue not cooperating with his heart.

She sighed, expecting this response.

“I know what you’re going to say Kaz. I’m not saying this in the traditional sense” she confessed, folding her hands in her lap.

“None of us are innocent. Maybe those in Ravka think they are, but they’re indirectly surviving only due the struggle of the rest of the kingdom and they know it“ y/n argued, pursing her lips.

“The difference to me is the reason why someone does they do” she admitted.

“Revenge is not an innocent motive” Kaz remarked darkly, cringing as he heard himself.

“Depends on who you ask Kaz. Revenge is driven by love and care you have for someone” y/n pointed out, popping her knuckles nervously.

Kaz swallowed thickly, leaving a moment of silence between them as he tried to not lash out.

He wasn’t mad at her, but he didn’t like the idea that she didn’t see the real him.

“For some. Not me. Revenge is getting even” he challenged flatly.

“Getting even for what?” She asked, raising an eyebrow at him.

Kaz shut down, snapping his head to her stare.

“I am not disclosing that. You cannot sing a song and expect my secrets in exchange. I do not owe you that “ Kaz barked harshly.

Y/n shook her head but held her ground, “I’m not asking you to Kaz. For Saint’s sake, I never expected anything in return. I thought you knew that Brekker!”

Kaz squeezed his eyes shut, clenching his jaw as he tried to form a way to undo what he did.

“I never said you owed me anything. I will be transparent, I thought we’d gotten to a place of minimal but nonetheless mutual trust” She signed, “but that never meant I expected to know your hidden past, traumas, or other secrets. For all the good that is Ghenzen, I merely was asking you what revenge was for in a general sense, Brekker. Not revenge against Rollins, or anyone particular. But rather, what drives one to seek revenge.”

Kaz’s eyes pressed together more firmly, his guilt and remorse only rising.

Taking it as a sign she should leave, y/n stood up and grabbed her guitar wordlessly.

“Don’t leave” Kaz croaked.

“What?” Y/n whispered, her voice quavering.

Kaz opened his eyes and y/n could see the pain in them, “please”.

She nodded slowly, settling back down where saw was before.

“That outburst should have proved my point” Kaz muttered, a husky sigh following.

She shook her head, making Kaz continue.

“You, y/n, are innocent, not me. You go out of your way for everyone. For me, even though I’ve done nothing to deserve it. You have made me feel better in ways I am incapable of explaining, and less aggressive … and you know how much of an ass I can be” He confessed.

“But, I’m still the same me I was. Clearly” he argued, waving his hand as if alluding to the tense scene moments before, “I’m still the same cruel and selfish person I always have been. You must realize this by now”.

“That you think you’re not innocent? No, it shows how you view yourself. You don’t get to decide how others see you “ y/n corrects.

“Which is?” Kaz asked, raising an eyebrow at her.

“Did you not listen to the song Kaz?” She groaned, but found herself smirking.

“I did” he nodded once, “but you must know you’re mistaken”.

She rolled her eyes, “You’re not going to convince me of that”.

“No?” He asked, something dark flickering in his eyes as he leaned on his desk.

Y/n watched as Kaz blurted out his past experiences, one after the other.

She listened intently as he tried to push her away by telling her detailed horrors.

Each time she could see the way his body would react to the trauma while his brain and mouth pushed through to list the next one.

After she learned about Jordie and Kaz needing to use his brother’s corpse to survive, she realized just how correct she was; he wasn’t cruel, he too was traumatized and trying to survive.

She saw his chest start heaving as his words started slurring together when he tried to move to whatever the next point was.

“Kaz, seriously, enough” She said softly.

“You still don’t get it?!” He snapped, his voice rough but cracking at the end.

“I used my brother’s body-“ he said, his eyes glassy and staring into the distance as his forehead started to sweat.

Y/n regretted coming here tonight.

Not because she didn’t want to see him or share the song, nor because she didn’t want to hear his stories.

But she hadn’t expected any of it and while she was pleased he was comfortable disclosing it, even aggressively, she didn’t want to make him panic.

“Kaz, please, you’re not going to change my mind, and right now you need to focus on breathing” She frowned, cautious to not get closer especially now that she understood the reason for his touch aversion.

He gripped the table as his shoulders trembled and he began gasping for air.

“Kaz, you’re okay” She began, “You’re alive, you’re safe. You’re not back there. I know it feels like that, I do. But you’re not”.

Kaz forced a shaky nod as he tried to utilize his coping skills.

“That’s it, just listen to my voice. Alright? Because right now, I’m here. You’re not alone Kaz… you never were. I’ll always be here” She promised tenderly, “even if you try to push me away, I’m not leaving. I know you Kaz, the real you, like it or not”.

It took several more minutes for Kaz to compose himself, nodding a thank you to y/n as she slid a washcloth over the table to him for his head.

She could see the embarrassment and exhaustion on his face.

“I didn’t mean to trigger all of this for you” y/n said and relaxed as Kaz nodded that he knew.

She sighed, “even if it had been an attempt to push me away, I’m honored you told me. You can always tell me anything. No matter how much you try to scare me off, it’s not going to work. Hate it, or me, if you must. But-“

“I do not hate you, or you trying” Kaz interrupted.

Y/n nodded and gave him a soft smile.

“I did try to push you away. As I said, I’m not good at this. I’ve never told anyone about him. It… feels wrong to keep him hidden “ he groaned, rubbing his hand down his face, “but I cannot form the right words for it or him”.

Y/n nodded along, staying quiet so he could elaborate if he wanted.

“Not that I want anyone else knowing what happened” he clarified, “or what I did”.

“But you want to get it off your chest and try to tell the positive experiences and feelings before it happened?” Y/n suggested, watching him struggle to explain himself.

Kaz nodded, lifting the corner of his mouth up to thank her for helping.

“I can try to help. It’ll stay between us of course. But maybe it’ll help” She offered.

Kaz looked at her notepad, “a song for…?”

She nodded slowly, “if you want. There’s no right or wrong choice “.

Y/n waited patiently as Kaz stared into space for awhile.

“Okay” his voice so low and show that she nearly missed it, “but I don’t know how long it will take to discuss those things”.

——

It had in fact, taken months, for Kaz to open up and share details of what he and his brother did before Rollins’s betrayal, before the plague, and before Jordie’s death.

It wasn’t a romantic experience to share these intimate moments with y/n but Kaz had earlier concluded he did in fact have those feelings towards her.

That only complicated the matter as he tried to push the feelings away and ignore them without doing that to her directly.

However, he found himself actually enjoying telling her these softer, more innocent, moments of his past.

He wasn’t sure if this was him trying to be more open for her or him trying to impress her with who he used to be and maybe one day could be again.

He wasn’t even sure if he believed it to be possible.

But if that’s what she wanted, he’d at least try.

During these several months, they continued with their letters, talking about other topics and routine conversation.

Kaz also allowed y/n to become a coping option for him.

It wasn’t easy and he still often questioned himself when doing so, but it was progress.

He had a handful of panic attacks as his mind would jump forward to the scene of Jordie’s death when trying to retell earlier stories but recalling why those things stopped happening.

However, each time, y/n had been there and he realized she helped lower the crashing tides in his chest threatening to drown him.

She probably didn’t even realize she was doing this as he couldn’t admit he needed her in any way.

But he appreciated it nonetheless.

——

Y/n came to his room one night, knocking and entering after.

Kaz looked up, his gaze a bit softer than it was months ago.

“I… ummm… is today a good day?” She asked.

Kaz nodded, “I can try, do you need something?”

She shook her head, realizing he thought this was about his touch aversion he’d been trying to work on lately.

“No, Kaz. I’m okay, but thank you” She smiled, seeing the hesitation in his eyes he pushed through to even check let alone offer, “I just… I finished the song”.

Kaz froze in shock before he curled his lips into a barely noticeable smile as a thank you and signal for her to show him if she wanted.

She took a deep breath, sitting across from him and put all her energy and compassion into this performance.

She needed him to feel heard and understood.

“No words appear before me in the aftermath

Salt streams out my eyes and into my ears

Every single thing I touch becomes sick with sadness

'Cause it's all over now, all out to sea”

Kaz blinked glacially slow as he hung on to every word.

“Goodbye, goodbye, goodbye

You were bigger than the whole sky

You were more than just a short time

And I've got a lot to pine about

I've got a lot to live without

I'm never gonna meet

What could've been, would've been

What should've been you

What could've been, would've been you”

Kaz’s breathing shook as he felt his eyes water.

But he couldn’t, he wouldn’t, close them.

He needed to live in this moment, experience this emotion; to honor Jordie, thank y/n, and heal himself a bit.

“Did some bird flap its wings ovеr in Asia?

Did some force take you bеcause I didn't pray?

Every single thing to come has turned into ashes

'Cause it's all over, it's not meant to be

So I'll say words I don't believe”

Kaz forced himself to step closer her to read the lyrics as she sang.

He knew he could never be able to repay her for this.

She had incorporated each thought and doubt he had, as irrational as they seemed to him, or how much she persuaded him they were not correlated.

As much as it hurt and though he felt the waves beating against his ribs, he focused on her voice as she sang the chorus.

He’d heard the chorus earlier and he’d follow along more intentionally to the chorus repetition next time.

For now, he numbly walked around her to be able to see her face.

He didn’t let his eyes close for fear the waves would overtake him.

Instead, he took in the moment and y/n’s presence.

While he’d always found her presence calming, she’d worked with him over the last several months on focusing on where he was and who he was with whenever this panic would hit.

Focusing on the fact he was alive, safe, and not in water, helped him lower the depth of the water when it would attempt to crest and suffocate him.

When he combined that with his intense analysis of every freckle, mark, eyelash, spec of color in her irises, or other detail on her face allowed him to be able to hear her voice rather than the lapping water resting around his lower abdomen now.

By paying attention to her voice, the compassion and beauty behind it, he was able to feel more connected to her, know she was safe, and stay in the current moment.

It also allowed him to feel cared for and loved, and while he’d deny it, he craved those sensations, especially from y/n.

They helped him keep his feet on the ground and not lose his footing underneath the waves.

He stared at y/n as she lowered her guitar slowly.

She could sense he was still processing so she didn’t push to hear his thoughts on it.

“I’m right here Kaz. Okay, we’re both here in your room, by your desk. Dry, safe, warm, and healthy. You can fight this, and I’ll be by your side the whole time. The others are downstairs, likely watching Jesper make a fool of himself” y/n rambled, recalling how Kaz said her voice helped, no matter what was being discussed.

Kaz broke eye contact and looked at his lap as he finally caught his breath.

“You can stop me if a song-“ she began softly.

Kaz shook his head, forcing his gaze up to her again.

“I needed it. It helped. I promise” he said, seeing the hesitation and concern in her eyes.

She smiled and nodded, handing him the paper she was reading from, “I made you a copy of the lyrics in case you wanted it”.

Kaz fought the formation of tears, blaming it on young Kaz having taken over just moments before and not the sentiment causing the reaction, and took the paper from the place she set it on the floor.

“Y/n” he whispered, his voice gravely.

She nodded, letting him speak.

He cursed his brain for not letting him say the words he needed to.

Instead, he elected to try and engage in some small form of physical touch, needing to convey the words his mouth couldn’t but also needing warmth to keep him steady.

His bare hand shook as he reached out and let his fingertips tap her’s.

She gasped softly and smiled at him.

They’d gotten to the point that on his best days he could hold her hand or wrist in his bare hand for roughly twenty seconds.

So this was very minimal in comparison to his full capabilities but they both knew it was much harder given everything he just relived.

She nodded at him as his fingers started to shake, assuring him he could pull away.

Kaz gave her a crooked half-smile, the best he could allow himself to let another person see (in private /behind her back it was much larger).

——

“Inej” Kaz’s voice boomed, his eyes furrowed.

The Suli girl sauntered over to him and waited for him to explain why he asked for her.

“Where is y/n?” He asked as he clenched his jaw.

It was late afternoon and Kaz hadn’t heard from y/n.

It wasn’t that she owed him her presence, he’d merely gotten used to it.

So much so that his hidden grin over the thought she’d slept in for once- instead of getting up early to help another Crow as she normally did - turned into concern when he’d noticed just how late it was.

He’d went by her room moments before walking downstairs to where the others were, hoping she’d simply isolated to work on her music and lost track of time.

But as Kaz reached her door, there was only silence on the other side.

Much to Kaz’s dismay, she didn’t answer when he’d knocked.

He’d once again returned their letter to her the before, her not slipping it under his door this morning being another sign something was off.

“Oh, umm” Inej rubbed her neck nervously, “I think maybe her room”.

Kaz raised an eyebrow and shook his head, “I don’t believe so”.

He wasn’t going to explain the actual reasoning to her so he added, “it’s far too late on the day for that”.

He expected the wraith to stare at him knowingly until he either caved or she moved on; likely the latter.

However, she frowned and nodded, mumbling a quiet “yeah. I know”.

Kaz wasn’t sure if he would find her lack of stubborn inquisition to be another cause for concern about y/n’s wellbeing.

But, her vague response and body language did concern him.

“What is it?” Kaz demanded assertively, “there is something you are not saying Wraith and I expect an answer”.

Inej gave him a weak glare, her mind clearly elsewhere.

“She seemed more reserved yesterday when Jesper dragged her with him for a bit, she’d come down for water I believe, but he begged her to stay for a few rounds” Inej told him.

“She did, of course, but she seemed… off. I tried to ask “ she said noticing Kaz’s stare, “but not just because it’s my job to know, Kaz. But she simply said she was tired and wouldn’t disclose anything”.

Kaz’s grip on his cane tightened as he thought through yesterday.

He’d had business to attend to that morning, leaving without seeing her.

When he returned, their note was in his room.

He recalled everything it said, but nothing in it alerted him to whatever was going on.

Not seeing her most of the day wasn’t super unusual when one of them had something to work on that day.

But they’d usually see each other at least once for a few moments.

Yesterday, after he’d checked the logs for the club, he had went to her room.

She’d let him in and he could tell she seemed different, less optimistic.

He told her as much, in as nicely of a way as was possible for Kaz.

Y/n told him the same thing she evidently told Inej, she was tired.

Kaz sensed this was in part true, and hoped that if she should be able to catch up on sleep, whatever the other problem was would improve as well.

So he’d let her rest, retreating to his room/office for the duration of the afternoon/night, only leaning to side the note back to her.

According to Inej, Jesper kept the girl from getting as much sleep as Kaz planned for her.

However, it still seemed off to him for y/n to be this way.

“Kaz” Inej spoke, breaking Kaz from searching for more signs and details in his mind, “I’m worried. This Isn’t they first time “.

Kaz squinted accusingly at her, clearly ordering her to explain.

Inej ignored the look, knowing it was Kaz’s way of showing concern for y/n as well.

“It isn’t frequent but sometimes she gets /tired/ and shuts us out more” she began, Kaz nodding as this was news to him since he had isolated from the group for a long time to not form attachments.

“Last time I had snuck onto the windowsill of her room and while she said she was tired, she was only lying there staring at the ceiling. I didn’t what to say and I knew I shouldn’t have been there so I never mentioned it to her” Inej admitted.

“Nor to me” Kaz rasped.

“Why would I Kaz?! You never seem to care about anyone but yourself or Rollins” Inej argued.

Kaz’s jaw tightened and he nodded once for her to continue.

“She’s since shut her curtains so I can’t be certain without completely violating her space and trust, but I suspect she’s going that now as well” inej sighed.

Kaz pressed his lips together in a tight line and nodded less aggressively this time, turning to leave.

“Kaz, just take it easy with her” Inej begged.

He squeezed his eyes shut for a split second, offended by the notion he would be anything but when it came to y/n; especially in this situation.

“Wraith, if you ever catch wind of something troubling regarding y/n, I expect to be made aware of such information promptly” Kaz ordered, his tone deeply serious.

Inej nodded slowly, while she sensed Kaz’s feelings towards y/n, she hadn’t expected such a clear display of such.

Kaz sensed her apprehension and continued, “I am not asking. That is an order. I do not care what level the concern is, I will be told. If you are not capable of doing such, I -“.

“Understood Kaz, no need to threaten me” inej rolled her eyes.

“We’ll see, there better not be” Kaz muttered, departing from her.

—-

“Y/n” Kaz said, knocking on her door once again.

This time it actually opened, the girl having sensed the distress laced in his voice and worrying he was about to have an attack or something happened.

“What is it, is everything okay?” She croaked, o her head into the hallway.

Kaz looked her over, trying to first confirm she wasn’t physically injured , “ I thought I might find you here”.

She bit her lip, making Kaz see how chapped there were and how the end of her nose was red; she’d been crying.

He’d seen some redness in her eyes but no current tears so he hoped it was her tiredness only.

“Are you okay Kaz? Did something happen?” She asked quietly.

Kaz shook his head, “I am fine. Everything is fine”.

She examined him for a moment before accepting his answer.

“So… not to seem rude… but why are you here then?” She asked.

“You were not downstairs with the others and it has been awhile since anyone has seen you” Kaz stated, watching her reaction closely.

She nodded slowly, “I see. Well, thank you for checking but please, just go... I’m not the kind of person anyone needs to be around right now”.

Kaz squinted at her, his confusion clear in his eyes.

“Please. I’ll be fine, I just… No one needs to be around me currently. I’ll venture down tomorrow. Please leave “ She asked.

While he felt bad for ignoring her request, he sensed it was still the best thing for her, “I’m not going to leave, y/n. If that is what you want, You’re going to have to make me go."

She groaned, dragging her hand down her face and going back to her bed.

Kaz followed her in, closing the door behind him.

She closed her eyes and turned away from him, not wanting him to see her in this state.

Kaz took a seat in the chair next to her, waiting for her to speak, face him, or do anything.

After waiting impatiently for far longer than was normal for him, he spoke up.

“I know I may not be the most… comforting person. But if you want to talk, I’ll listen” Kaz offered.

He felt a nauseatingly sharp pain in his chest when she sniffled.

“I can’t” she whispered, “thank you but I can’t”.

Kaz pondered for a moment, “can you sing it?”.

He watched as she sat up slowly, wiping her face and taking a deep breath before nodding, “I think so”.

Kaz stood, grabbed her guitar and brought it to her before sitting back down.

She took a deep breath before she closed her eyes and began pouring her heart into the song.

“I have this thing where I get older but just never wiser

Midnights become my afternoons

When my depression works the graveyard shift

All of the people I've ghosted stand there in the room”

Kaz watched her closely, wanting to know how to help but doubting he could.

“I should not be left to my own devices

They come with prices and vices

I end up in crises

Tale as old as time”

Kaz frowned to himself as he contemplated that she’d been there for him more than he was for her.

He’d never been good at these things, but clearly she needed someone to help her so she wouldn’t get like this.

“I wake up screaming from dreaming

One day I'll watch as you're leaving

'Cause you got tired of my scheming

For the last time”

Kaz froze in realization; perhaps he understood more than he expected.

She’d been great at planning, or scheming as the other crows would call it, before she’d met Kaz.

He knew it had caused her issues before but hadn’t known that bothered her.

“It's me

Hi!

I'm the problem, it's me

At teatime

Everybody agrees

I'll stare directly at the sun but never in the mirror

It must be exhausting always rooting for the anti-hero”

Kaz sighed, wanting to be able to comfort her with a hug or even holding her hand but today wasn’t the best day for him.

Instead he listened closely until she was finished and set her guitar down.

Since he couldn’t offer her physical comfort, he opted for being as supportive as he could be.

“Why didn’t you tell me you felt this way?“ he asked quietly, his voice as deep as normal but lower in volume.

Y/n sighed and shrugged, “felt like a burden. No one knows. Inej suspects I think… but it’s hard to talk about”.

Kaz nodded twice, “but singing makes it easier”.

She nods in agreement, “yeah, it does. It helps me express it but it doesn’t change how I feel”.

After a few moments of silence Kaz sighed loudly.

“You know that…” he closed his eyes, “you know I’m not leaving right?”

“What?” Y/n asked weakly, staring at him with sad eyes.

Kaz opened his eyes and looked at her, convincing himself to keep being open with her, “Nothing you say, do, feel, or cause will make me leave” he admits.

Her lips curl slightly, “thank you Kaz. You know you don’t have to-“.

He shook his head, “you need to know. You deserve to. You were honest and open towards me, I’m working on doing that”.

She smiled tenderly, wanting to grab his hand but noticed he’d left his gloves on, “I appreciate that so much Kaz. I know it’s a lot to deal with, and I’ll be fine, I’ve dealt with it alone for awhile-“.

Kaz furrowed his eyebrows and shook his head again as she teared up, “it's alright... it's okay... you don’t have to do it alone again”.

He wanted to laugh at himself to how he sounded, how he let Kaz Rietveld come out so strongly in this moment.

However, when he saw how she seemed to relax at his words, he decided maybe letting the younger version of himself open up to comfort her wasn’t so bad after all.

“I’m here now, you are not alone” he said, the words kind and meaningful despite his gruff voice.

“You are stuck here with me. I have you and I’m not leaving. And neither are you” Kaz spoke, the current and past versions of himself fighting for dominance in his words.

Nevertheless, she smiled and sniffles softly, trying to hide it.

“Thank you Kaz, really” she said.

He nodded and offered her a half smile.

It was the best version of a smile he could offer, and while he knew his words weren’t the most comforting or romantic, he also elected to stay in her room with her that night in silence until she fell asleep.

Once her eyes closed, he expressed something he needed to say but couldn’t when she was awake, “y/n, I know you’re struggling. You must know I am grateful, you know…for everything”.

——

The next day Kaz noticed she seemed a little better.

She’d left her room by the time he went to check on her.

As he found her in the lounge with the other crows, he saw she was still more reserved than normal, but at least she wasn’t isolating.

Kaz knew it would cause rumors and debates among the others but he couldn’t help but sit down next to her.

She looked at him and nodded with a smile.

He nodded back, looking down at the newspaper on the table before him as if that was why he was there.

But the other crows knew better and they all smirked at each other as they watched y/n get more comfortable on the couch suddenly.

When the others split up for their individual errands and tasks, y/n asked if she could join Kaz in his room as he worked on the next heist; to which he quickly responded with a firm yes.

It had been at least thirty minutes since they’d entered his room and he began to work at his desk.

Yet, Kaz accomplished nothing.

He kept sneaking glances over at y/n instead of working.

While she was doing better, he could see her struggle.

“What are you thinking about?” He blurted as she once again stared into the distance instead of the book on her lap.

Her eyes snapped to him, her cheeks painted red, “oh.. um.. just”.

He could tell she was looking for a comforting lie or excuse but that’s not what he wanted.

“The truth y/n” he said firmly.

She swallowed loudly and nodded, “I just… Nina apparently had a bad day yesterday and I wasn’t there for her”.

“It is not your job to be” Kaz informed her.

“I know, but I just feel I’m not helping anyone lately” she frowned, “I feel I’m taking and not giving, you know?”

Kaz clenched his jaw and mentally groaned as he accepted his next action.

He stood up from his desk, leaning on his cane as he crossed the room to sit beside her.

“Y/n” he said, waiting until she looked up at him.

“I may not say this right… but” Kaz sighed harshly, “everything you've ever done for me... I notice. I see you and your care. I don’t deserve it but I’ve never thanked you properly before, so... thank you”.

His words were sincere and his voice cracked slightly as he forced them out of his lips reluctant to expose his feelings and make himself vulnerable.

She tilted her head as she processed what he just said, “Kaz, you don't need to thank me. You’d do the same and fix me up if I came to you, or your door with trouble, too”.

Kaz hated she knew this vulnerability but she was right and there was no way he would lie to her about it.

“If you knew that, Why didn’t you?” He asked, his tone clipped as he felt frustrated he exposed his weaknesses to her but she was still reserved.

“Why didn’t I what?” She asked, squinting at him.

“Come to me” he said simply, unwilling to explain why he wanted to know.

“I told you Kaz, I’m used to handling this alone. I’ve found most people find it burdensome so it hurts less to choose to do it alone than being abandoned and loneliness being the forced outcome” She rambled, looking away from his piercing stare.

A few moments pass before he asks firmly, “you didn't honestly expect me to let you face this alone, did you?”.

All y/n did was shrug and stare at her lap.

Kaz closed his eyes in guilt, if he’d just been honest and wanted to her, maybe she wouldn’t doubt his care to her.

Not long ago he wanted her to have no idea of his feelings to her, seeing them as a safety risk and vulnerability.

But now he felt horrible that it might have made her suffer.

“Y/n… regardless of everything I’ve said and done in the past, there isn't a single part of me that wouldn't open the door when you're knocking on it. You must know that“ he confessed, slowly setting his hand on her knee for a few seconds.

——

A few weeks had passed and y/n was doing much better.

However, when he looked up from his desk and saw her standing there staring at him, he knew something was on her mind.

He nodded silently encouraging her to talk.

“Be brutally honest Kaz, have I actually been helpful to you?” She asked.

Kaz could tell for some reason she was once again doubting how much her every act helped those around her, intentional or not.

He hated the doubtful look on her eye, prompting him to speak with Kaz Rietveld’s sentiments but on his recent experiences, “you came out of nowhere and you cut through all the noise. You stopped the waves. Do not ever doubt your helpfulness”.

——-

“Finish another song?” Kaz smirked, peering up from the map on his desk as y/n entered with her guitar strapped to her back.

She shrugged, “a few verses yes, they’re about the other day. About you not being good at showing you care in a way the others recognize”.

Kaz furrowed his eyes, setting his pen down, “I think you mistook-“.

“Shut up and listen Kaz” she laughed, sitting down on his bed.

“It is called Mastermind” y/n added, winking before she began to strum the first notes.

“If you fail to plan, you plan to fail

Strategy sets the scene for the tale

I'm the wind in our free-flowing sails

And the liquor in our cocktails “ she sang.

Kaz couldn’t argue with that part, so he leaned back in his creaky wooden chair as he listened closely.

“No one wanted to play with me as a little kid

So I've been scheming like a criminal ever since

To make them love me and make it seem effortless

Is this the first time I feel the need to confess?

And I swear, I'm only cryptic and Machiavellian 'cause I care” she sang, smirking at him.

Kaz couldn’t keep his bottom jaw from lessening in tension as it parted slightly from his upper jaw.

He’d never admitted it, even arguing with himself over it often; but she was right.

He knew he came off as harsh, strict, and uncaring but it was only because he couldn’t stand the idea of anything going wrong and being the reason someone got hurt.

Kaz knew better than to try and argue with her or lie that she’d gotten the motive behind his actions wrong.

So as she set the guitar to the side, he decided to thank her for the sentiment instead.

“Thank you” he said in his typical tense voice.

“For what?" She laughed, smiling over at him.

Kaz took a deep breath before sharing his truth, “For accepting me. All of me.".

Y/n watched him silently for a moment in shock before she sighed.

“Kaz, stop saying thank you. You being cared for isn't something that I’m rewarding you with. It is your right to have from someone who cares about you” she argued.

He shook his head, “you don’t understand… you make me want to be better."

“You don’t need to be better Kaz” she frowned, reaching for his hand and clasping it once he nodded his approval.

“We will continue to not see eye to eye on that fact, my dear y/n. But your music makes me feel like I actually can be” he confesses, his tone softening for a brief second.

——

“It should not be this way. I should have stopped it” Kaz blurted one day, crumpling the notes on his wooden table.

“What are you talking about?” Y/n asked, closing her book and looking over at him.

“Us” he whispered, staring at his desk.

“Us?” She asks weakly, uncertain where he’s going.

“Yes. We… we should not be like this” he muttered harshly.

“Like what? Kaz? What are we?“ she inquired, standing up to walk to him.

He looked away without speaking.

“Kaz. Is this you not wanting friends again?” She asked.

He gnawed on his lip, “no. Being friends is not the issue”.

“Then what is?” Y/n sighed, sitting in the chair across from him.

“Like I said, us. We are not friends. I do not know what the correct label is, but friends is not right” he rambled, hating the warmth in his cheeks.

Y/n suppressed a wide grin, bitting her inner lip to keep a straight face.

“Kaz, are you-“ she began kindly.

“I am not good at this y/n. I wish I was, but-“ he sighed, pressing against his desk in frustration.

“I understand. Here, this might help” she said, walking to the new guitar he got her last week so she’d have one in both of their rooms.

“I… well, I’m not great with confessions either Kaz. So I wrote this about my confusion, resistance or fear, and realizations…, and well…yeah, you’ll see” she rambled, blushing deeply as she looked at the wall opposite to him.

“We were supposed to be just friends

You don't live in my part of town, but maybe I'll see you out some weekend

Depending on what kind of mood and situationship I'm in

And what's in my system”

“I think there's been a glitch, oh, yeah

Five seconds later, I'm fastening myself to you with a stitch, oh, yeah

And I'm not even sorry, nights are so starry

Blood moonlit

It must be counterfeit

I think there's been a glitch, oh, yeah”

“I was supposed to sweat you out

In search of glorious happenings of happenstance on someone else's playground”

She explained she couldn’t figure out how to finish the songs hoping he’d confess his feelings.

But he simply thanked her for the song, his shock and persistent hesitation winning out over his desire to open up to her.

He felt guilty the moment he saw the disappointment on her face.

Yet, he had no chance to fix it as she faked an excuse to leave his room.

——

Since that night, he’d seen her less.

It had been a few days and he knew he messed up.

He hadn’t wanted to confess, knowing it made them both vulnerable.

But he hated that he hurt her and that she’d since shut him out.

She was still helping him when she saw he needed it.

But she was no longer letting him in when she needed help.

He saw it happening but did not know how to stop it.

After all, he’d been the cause of it this time.

——-

Kaz scribbled his signature on the piece of paper he’d been working on for the last few hours.

He took a deep breath and walked to her room, ignoring the pain in his knee as he bent to slide it under her door.

Kaz waited until he heard her open the letter before he walked to his room, hoping she’d respond soon.

——-

Kaz had given up his glimmer of hope that the letter helped in any way.

He still couldn’t express himself well, even on paper.

But he’d hoped he had gotten his point across.

He certainly was more honest and vulnerable than he’d ever been before.

However, it had been a few days without her entering his room and she had not written back.

So when he saw her enter his room that night, he froze in shock.

Despite what she’d hinted at the other day, Kaz felt this fear in his stomach that she’d reject him.

He had, in a very Kaz-like manner, told her his feelings towards her in the letter.

It was indirect, as was to be expected, but he knew she’d understand what he was trying to say.

She didn’t speak to him, instead walking to her guitar he still had resting carefully in the corner of his room.

Y/n took a deep breath, “I think… after your letter, this song I’ve been working on is finished now”.

Kaz was still frozen as he waited for her to sing the song.

“I began writing it to apologize for the times I tried to cut you out when I needed help, and you’d tried to provide that” she continued, looking at him nervously.

“But I didn’t feel I had closure to be able to finish it. Now I do” y/n admitted.

“My knuckles were bruised like violets

Sucker punching walls, cursed you as I sleep talked

Spineless in my tomb of silence

Tore your banners down, took the battle underground

And maybe it was ego swinging

Maybe it was her

Flashes of the battle come back to me in a blur” y/n sang softly.

Kaz recalled the stories she’d told him of her past as she sang this line; his own trauma allowing him to understand how flashbacks impacted one’s actions.

“All that blood shed, crimson clover

Uh-huh, sweet dream was over

My hand was the one you reached for

All throughout the Great War

Always remember

Uh-huh, tears on the letter

I vowed not to cry anymore

If we survived the Great War” she continued.

Kaz suspected this verse had to do with the night he tried to hold her hand after she told him a detailed recollection of a past trauma of her’s.

In her distressed and panicked state, she’d flinched and pulled her hand away.

He hadn’t taken it personally but knew she felt bad as it was a big step for him to offer her his hand.

He also noted the last lines likely referenced the letters in which he’d called her out for the dried tear stains on the letter she’d returned to him, demanding he know who caused her tears.

“You drew up some good faith treaties

I drew curtains closed, drank my poison all alone

You said I have to trust more freely

But diesel is desire, you were playin' with fire

And maybe it's the past that's talkin'

Screamin' from a crypt

Tellin' me to punish you for things you never did

So I justified it”

Kaz wanted to scold her for still being bothered by having rejected his touch that night.

But he knew that would only make it worse.

Plus he knew what it was like to be in that situation and that she had no control over the guilt she felt.

“All that blood shed, crimson clover

Uh-huh, the bombs were close and

My hand was the one you reached for

All throughout the Great War

Always remember

Uh-huh, the burning embers

I vowed not to fight anymore

If we survived the Great War

Uh-huh

It turned into something bigger

Somewhere in the haze got a sense I'd been betrayed

Your finger on my hair pin triggers

Hold you down on that icy ground

Looked up at me with honor and truth

Broken and blue, so I called off the troops

That was the night I nearly lost you

I really thought I lost you”

She sang with a whispery voice.

Kaz realized why she’d been distant lately.

She wasn’t mad at him, but she felt she’d been the one to ruin what they had by her indirect confession that night.

“We can plant a memory garden

Say a solemn prayer, place a poppy in my hair

There's no morning glory, it was war, it wasn't fair

And we will never go back

To that bloodshed, crimson clover

Uh-huh, the worst was over

My hand was the one you reached for

All throughout the Great War

Always remember

Uh-huh, we burn for better

I vowed I would always be yours

'Cause we survived the Great War

Uh-huh

I would always be yours

'Cause we survived the Great War

Uh-huh

I vowed I would always be yours”

She finished, her eyes closed until Kaz slowly pulled the guitar from her.

“You understood my message” he muttered, his tone far softer than normal.

She nodded, smiling softly, “I did. And I’m your’s Kaz. If I understood that part too, it being what you want”.

Kaz swallowed thickly, still feared for her safety but he nodded nonetheless, “it is”.

——-

Before they parted for the evening, Kaz needed to be sure she understood the other part of his letter.

“You know you can always come to me?” He asked, his voice barely heard over the wind hitting his window.

“I know Kaz” she smiled at him.

He nodded, “even if it is hard, you can sing it. I will fight to understand your meaning”.

She blushed, tapping her pinky against the back of his hand, “thank you”.

Kaz flipped her hand over, holding it for an impressive thirty seconds, “no, my dear y/n. Thank you for lowering the tides”.

“It’s the power of music Kaz “ she smirked at him, a large smile on her face.

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lys1 · 4 years ago

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Congratulations! You waited so patiently <3 This is another Asra x fem!reader for you. NSFW. 5218 words.

Playing With Potions

—————

The late spring morning air was warming up to be a balmy 75 degrees. You had your skirt pulled down and up, tucked in the back of the waistband, forming makeshift shorts. The shop was somewhat quiet, yet the din from the streets made its nimble way through the open windows.

You descend the ladder to the box of ingredients you were unpacking. They had come in the previous evening and Asra had promptly asked you to “organize them later”. Of course you said yes, the two of you shared this shop after all, and the work that came with it.

Asra himself was bustling behind the counter, sweeping the wooden floors free of the dust and fallen ingredients. He stops momentarily to pick up his cup of tea and take a long sip. The jasmine tea's steam billows into his face as he sighs with content pleasure.

The floorboards creak as you step down and Asra looks over at you, gaze soft. "How's the supplies look, dear?" He asks curiously, returning the cup to it’s coaster.

"Ah," you muse, counting the small containers in your hands. "Looks like we will be all set on lizard toes for a while, I think our supply captain read 1000 instead of 100." You can't help but chuckle, it couldn't be helped, at least you wouldn’t have to order more for a while.

Asra's eyes open a little wider, "oh my." He laughs, "I suppose we won’t". He sets his broom to rest against the counter and bare feet pad over to you, his deep-purple eyes examining the products.

You feel his hand settle on your waist subconsciously; a side effect of being close to one another. You breathe in lightly, smelling the sweet scent of coconut and honied biscuits wash over you. Asra's breakfast choice was apparent.

"Mm," you say, turning so the two of you were face to face. "You smell delicious."

Asra smiles, box in his hand now a little less important. "Care for a taste?" He teases, eyes falling to your parted lips. He sets his lizard toes aside and joins his other hand at your waist. You look up at him through your eyelashes and nod.

He is a mere millimeter from sealing the gap between you when the bell of the shop jingles merrily.

"Ah jeez," you huff good in good nature. "I forgot we have jobs and responsibilities."

Asra laughs at your obvious disappointment and steals a small peck. "Unfortunately, we have to eat somehow." He then turns away and walks back to the counter to greet the customer.

The man is short and has a little round face. He looks extraordinarily nervous, and this catches your attention. Yours and Asra's shop is well known in the city and the townsfolk trust their magicians. You hadn't seen anyone come in here looking so nervous, and maybe even a little embarrassed.

"What can I do for you, sir?" Asra asks charmingly, resuming his position behind the counter. Briefly you let yourself admire how nice he looks, comfortable in his shop and expertise, before turning back to the box you were supposed to be dealing with. Not, however, letting your ears miss the conversation.

"I," the man starts, already fumbling with his words. "I, well look. I need help." He finishes plainly, nervously clutching his shirt between his pudgy hands.

Asra smiles kindly, "many do." He says, tilting his head and examining his new client. "Are you here for a card reading? Need to get some answers?"

The man groans as though he is already exhausted with the conversation. "No, I already know what I need. I have the answers. I've heard about this place. The ways you can help people. I live an hour out of the market and I made this trip just to see you."

"We're flattered, for sure." Asra says calmly, you can hear slight annoyance in his tone from all the ambiguity. The visitor is none the wiser though. "To help you though," Asra continues. "I'll need to know what you need."

"Alright I need a potion," the man finally reveals. "One that will help me... with performance." His cheeks are redder than a bell pepper in the sun.

Asra raises a white eyebrow, "performance? Are you an actor?"

"No!" The man's voice came out in a strangled whisper, obviously trying to keep it down. You roll your eyes, chancing a glance over your shoulder. The shop floor wasn't that big, of course you were going to hear everything.

"No," he said again, this time a little more composed. "What I mean is... my sex life performance." The truth comes out. Your visitor wipes his forehead with a dirty rag from his pocket. "My wife and I well.. we've hit a slump," he explains. "And I've heard of potions that can help with that kind of thing. Stuff that will completely change the game." His eyes are shining now, imaging life post-performance potion.

Asra looks uncertain at best. "I see," he starts, shooting you a glance. "That.. does exists. But it takes awhile to make. And the price isn't cheap either."

You shove the last of the crow feathers into their designated drawer while listening. You have never heard of such a potion, but you were also still learning. Asra sounds a little unsure though.

"Price isn't an issue," the man sounds desperate. "I'll pay anything."

Asra sighs, he feels bad for the man wringing his hands before him, practically crying for a cure. "Alright," he finally concedes. "I'll make it, but you'll have to come back in the morning. This kind of thing takes all evening to brew."

Your customer nods vigorously, "I can wait." He says. "Tomorrow morning, yes! I'll be here!" His excitement apparent, he bows a few times while backing out of the door, tripping over his own feet.

The door closes with a sharp bang and the bell rings furiously. Asra blows air out of his mouth so that itf ruffles the curls between his eyes.

"Well," he says after a moment. "A sex performance enhancing potion was not what I was expecting to make today." He rubs his temples, eyes closed and looking thoughtful.

You grin at him from the shelf as you pick up the empty shipping box and rest it on your hip. "That's quite the name, I've never heard of a potion like that."

Asra laughs and opens his beautiful eyes to look at you. "Yes, you'll have to forgive me for not teaching you that kind of magic, it's not the.. safest." He ends uncertainly. "I don't even know how this guy found out about it. It's not talked about much amongst us magicians.. and it's certainly not a common one."

Immediately more questions than your mouth can keep up with flood your brain. "So how did you find out about it? And why isn't it safe?" You ask the two more important ones, eyes following Asra as he finds a piece of paper and quill to use.

He dips his quill in the register's ink well and starts scratching down what you presumed to be ingredients. "I've been studying magic for years, my love." He says simply, "and before you ask, no I haven't used it on myself." He looks up at you, mischief dancing in his pretty eyes. "I'd like to think my sex game is up to par." He adds innocently, licking his lips seductively when your ears tinge pink.

You brush imaginary dirt off your shirt sleeves and huff. "I suppose it's pretty good." You mumble. It almost feels like a lie to just describe it as "pretty good" but Asra doesn't need you to stroke his ego right now. You do that enough falling to pieces beneath him every night.

Asra is well aware of your attempt to keep him humble and laughs lightly. "And to answer your other question," he says, turning back to his ingredient list, "messing with ones body like this can be dangerous. You have to be very precise."

You nod as he explains, it makes sense.

Potions are always brewed in pots over a magic fire so you put yourself to work, removing a medium sized iron pot from a hook on the wall and carrying it to a fire stand. Asra is busy himself, opening various drawers and adding seemingly random ingredients to a basket he has looped over his arm. Iris petals, newt eyeball, and some shimmering gold flakes. You smile watching him, your gorgeous magician; smart and able.

In no time at all Asra has a bubbling pot of sweet smelling liquid stirring before him. You stand beside him, observing curiously.

"Why are you wearing gloves?" You ask, taking note of the large leather gloves that clad all the way up your lover's forearm.

Asra continues to stir and looks over at you, happy to hear your eagerness to learn. "I can't risk even a drop of this touching my skin. It's so strong, and will immediately absorb into anyone's skin, leaving them..." He shakes his head and trails off, amused. "That's why it has to brew so long, to burn off some of the potency."

Your mouth opens in amazement, taken aback by the idea. This is the real deal you decide, stepping back a couple inches in precaution. After watching the potion bubble for a couple more minutes you stretch and grab the watering can sitting by the floor of the door.

"I'm going to water the plants," you inform Asra, waving your hand briefly until the can is full of cool, crisp water. Gods knows there are at least three dozen inside and outside of the shop.

Asra is humming in confirmation that he heard you as you open the shop door to the plants hanging outside. You don't get very far before you're blindsided by a streak of purple darting through your legs.

Escape!

"Faust?!" You yelp, dancing around the squirming snake as she winds her way under and into the open shop. A loud, booming bark makes you jump again. This time a large hound dog is rounding the tight corner from the side street and barreling full speed towards you.

All hell breaks loose. The water can is up in the air, crashing wildly into the side of the building. You are thrown back onto the dusty floor and a mass of fur and teeth race past you, paying no mind to your yelling.

Help!

Faust is racing around the floor, narrowly avoiding the jaws of the angry dog she seemed to have aggravated. There's a large crash from inside and you cringe, hearing bottles break and wood crunch. You look back, scared at what you might find.

The shop is a disaster, papers strewn, vials broken, and potion pot toppled. Asra is groaning on the floor, obviously doing no better than the rest. You glance at him worriedly, taking quick notice of the potion he had been making spilled everywhere, even on him.

You snap your fingers and the dog's growl, who was cornering Faust by the bookshelf, turns into a whimper as you lift him up with your magic. "I'm sorry pooch," you sigh, "but we can't have you eating our friend." With a wave of your wrist the hound is out the door and down the street in an instant. The hinges creak and bell rings as the door is once again closed to outside.

Thank you!

Faust wriggles happily, red eyes glowing in relief. You guess she got up to some trouble with the local fauna. She slithers up the stairs quickly, leaving you to look around at the ruined shop.

"Ah, fuck," Asra's words cut through your thoughts like a knife. He's laying flat on the floor, chest heaving as though he just ran a marathon. Sweat glistens on his tan skin, covering him from head to toe.

You step over the broken bottles and kneel at his side. "My love?" You ask, unsure of what to do. It was obvious what had happened, it didn't take an expert. The potion that was supposed to be for your customer was now soaked into Asra's glowing skin.

Asra opens his eyes and you swallow hard. You know that look, and it nearly makes you start trembling where you sit. Lust is prevalent, clouding Asra's eyes until they're a dark amethyst color.

"You-" you start to speak but are cut off by Asra sitting up abruptly. His face is close to yours and his breath washes over your lips, hot and wanton. He looks positively desperate, just the sight of you sitting before him doing wonders.

"Please," Asra's voice comes out low and husky, he watches your chest rise and fall quickly as a result. "Can I please have you, right now."

You could almost call him asking like that soft and innocent, if it wasn't for the raw, hungry look he was giving you. His eyes were traveling everywhere across your body, leaving an invisible line that you could almost feel burning into your skin. Your lips parted and you let out a soft gasp, the power that kind of look had over you was astonishing. You shifted your legs under you subtly, feeling the result of the hot atmosphere low in your stomach.

"Tsk, tsk," you had to tease for a moment. "Closing the shop at midday for some fucking?" You reach up and cup Asra's cheek, feigning uncertainty. His skin on your fingertips burns white hot and you have to hide your amazement.

Asra's eyes narrow, he knew you too well. With a quick flick of his wrist you hear the deadbolt on the door slide into place. It's only a second later and both of his hands have found a place on either side of your hips.

"Why do you torment me?" he asks, pulling you close so your legs straddle him. "Can't you see I'm getting enough of that from this damn mistake of a potion?" His words are almost shaky, as though he can barely speak anymore. He presses his hips up to meet yours, and a soft sigh escapes his lips as he finally gets a little friction.

You dig your nails into his shoulders and gasp, the feeling of Asra so obviously in need is enough to make anyone go wild.

You can't resist grinding down lightly and Asra's eyes practically roll back at the sensation. "How can I say no to such a pretty face," you whisper, completely in love with his reaction.

That was enough for Asra and without added words he gathers you up in his strong arms and lifts you both. Your head falls back pleasurably when his lips find your neck. It only takes a few quick steps on his part to bring the two of you into the plush back room.

The purple cushions lining the cozy futon sink in gently as your back hits the mattress. The room has a slight pleasing haze as sandalwood incense burns at the table. The smell washes over your senses and a new wave of sensuality comes over the room.

Asra's hands hold you firmly as his lips continue to press lovingly into your skin. He hovers over you, one leg pressed between your legs, causing your hips to involuntarily move along his thigh.

"I need you out of these clothes," Asra groans, lips being stopped at your chest where your shirt has suddenly become a hindrance. He's already tugging at the hem, untucking the loose fabric from your waistband. You raise yourself to your elbows and help him pull the shirt over your head. At once it is thrown over Asra's shoulder and his eyes are set on your bare skin, drinking in the sight of his lover.

You smile at his admiration and lay back again, stretching your arms above your head and arching your back. You feel his hands on your stomach, traveling up to rest on your breasts. Your skin prickles with desire, flesh lighting on fire from his ministrations.

"How did I get so lucky," he breathes out, looking down at you with a look filled with love and passion. He rests the tips of his fingers on your nipples and swirls them lightly, leaving you to twist in torturous pleasure beneath his touch. "Everything about you is beautiful." Asra continues to flatter, lowering his head so his curls tickle your stomach. He licks a long line from the dip of your hip up to the valley between your breasts.

After a few moments of tasting your supple skin he moves his hands to the top of your skirt and tugs. You lift your hips in compliance and the fabric slides down your legs easily. Asra licks his lips as your body is finally fully presented to him.

"I could feast on you," he announces, voice lowered with need. "And I wouldn't go hungry in a lifetime." These words he whispers into your inner thigh, they tickle your skin softly.

You watch with bated breath as the man before you adores his lover. It's hard to keep your moans controlled as you feel his sinfully good tongue lick you in a way that can only be described as ecstasy.

Asra shifts into a more comfortable position, lying on his stomach and he brings your legs to lay comfortably over his shoulders. You shudder as you feel his hot breath flutter over your dripping slit. He doesn't waste anymore time and lowers his face to enjoy you.

Your thighs squeeze his head lightly as your body arches in response. Asra is devouring you as though you were a feast and it was the only meal he is to have in a lifetime. He grips your legs tightly to keep you from moving and covers your slit with his mouth, sucking for a moment on the tight nub at the top. He groans happily into your skin before moving down to lick your hole.

"Oh please, yes," you run your trembling hand through his hair and raise your hips up to meet his greedy mouth. He laps short, quick strokes first, stimulating you into madness.

After a moment he slows his tongue down to swirl languidly, looking up at you. You make eye contact and groan at the erotic scene of him eating you out. "That mouth of yours is too skilled for its own good," you whisper, fingers digging into his scalp, trying desperately to savor every swipe of his tongue.

Asra smiles against your folds. "I live to make you feel good, my dear." He says, pausing a moment. "You intoxicate me. Your smell, your taste. I couldn't get enough even if I had all the time in the world." He presses his lips on each one of your thighs with hot, open mouth kisses.

You blush at his words, feeling amazing under his praise. "Come here," you command softly, pulling on Asra's hair lightly to guide him back up your body. He kisses every inch of skin he passes before finally reaching your lips.

"Mm," he hums, taking your face in his hands. "But these lips, are like the finest honey in Vesuvia." He lifts your head so your mouths meet. It's a hot and feverish kiss, full of staggering amounts of love.

You press your body into his and relish in the feeling of kissing Asra. Your mouths are opened to one another and your tongues meet in fiery unison. While you enjoy the kiss you allow your hands to roam. Your fingers find his shirt buttons and you start to undo them as best you can, only a little distracted. It takes just a minute and you sigh happily into his mouth when you finally remove the annoying clothing.

You part a moment to admire the divinity of his body; prostrated before you. He was calling himself the lucky one, but you could probably make a pretty good argument for it being the other way around. He looked absolutely glorious in the hazy glow of the room.

As you reach for the waistband of his pants and rest your fingers playfully on the skin above it Asra breaks out in goosebumps at the fluttering feel of your touch.

"Ah," he breaths out, raising himself to his knees and closing his eyes. Clearly, he's enjoying the attention finally being on him.

"You are the one with the potion affecting them." You say, drawing a line from one hip to another. "It'd almost be criminal to ignore you for any longer." Your eyes fall to the bulge straining under Asra's pants, just begging to be free. A smile plays across your lips as his breaths quickens significantly.

"I.. wouldn't complain." He finally manages to say in a strained tone.

You smile, maybe a little too satisfied, and hook your fingers under the band. "I know." You chuckle, pulling. The trousers catch a moment on Asra's hardened length before slipping down to his knees. You take time to admire the sight before you, licking your lips. Asra is panting slightly, looking down at you lustfully as your eyes graze over him.

He grabs your head on either side and looks into your eyes. "Please," is all he can croak out.

You swallow thickly and you feel yourself dampen even more at his begging words. “I’d like nothing more" you say; need dripping heavily from your words. You lean forward and kiss the tip of his leaking slit lightly. Asra's body shivers with pleasure when your soft lips meet his aching shaft.

You take a breath before closing your mouth around his tip. Your cheeks hollow and you suck in deeply, enjoying the small sounds of pleasure emitting from Asra's lips. He groans even deeper as you finally swallow down his whole length, tip sliding down the back of your throat.

"Ah fuck, baby," he stutters through gritted teeth, fingers threading through your hair. He thrusts into your mouth without hesitation, reveling in the way you feel around him. The pace is fast and vicious, leaving no time for extra room for breathing.

You choke back your gasps and feel the involuntary tears prick at the corners or your eyes. Your hands fall to your sides as you let Asra use your mouth how he pleased. Licentious noises ring around the room as he sinks his member into your mouth relentlessly, moaning at each stroke and the salacious feelings that come over him.

His grip tightens in your hair as he pounds into your face. You open your mouth as widely as you can and take him in, ignoring the slight pain of labored breathing. The feeling of being used so mercilessly is intoxicating, and you close your eyes, enjoying the pleasure that overtakes you.

With a loud pop he pulls out of your drooling mouth, leaving you to be the one groaning in disappointment.

"I'm sorry love," he huffs dazedly, need heavy on his features. "But if I don't stop this now I'm cumming in your mouth."

"That doesn't sound so bad," you complain, sticking your tongue out so Asra can view how much you want it. His eyes darken considerably and he looks ready to break.

He takes a breath in sharply, steadying himself before holding your face gently in his hand. "As much as I want you fuck your face, that pussy of yours I know is dripping for me and I have to comply." He chuckles, running his thumb along your lip.

You whimper at his words, practically climaxing at the suggestion. You meet his eyes in a needy manner and nod. "Oh, Asra," you start, already seeing excitement flit across his face at the mention of his name. "I want you more than I can even describe to you."

To this Asra inhales sharply, thumb still hooked in your mouth. "Tell me how you want me," he says, barely able to contain his own desire.

"I want you to fuck me from behind," you begin, knowing exactly how to please his ears. "I'm going to cry and moan, and beg you for relief but you will know better." His eyes widen in ecstasy but you continue anyway. "I want you to give everything you can to me, without holding back."

Asra seems to snap right in front of you. His features immediately seem to plead for consolation. "You'll get what you ask for." He growls, fingers tightening in your mouth. You lick his thumb seductively and the action throws him over the edge.

Asra's hands fly to your waist and hold you firmly, you're flipped over; ass to the heavens greeting him. He swallows at the sight and digs both palms into the flesh, enjoying the feeling immensely. "So needy and ready for me," he groans, finger finding your entrance and slipping in easily. You gulp at the warmth of having fingers enter you. Asra is unrelenting and curls them cruelly against your walls.

"Just fuck me already!" You cry, unable to hide your desires anymore. You hear Asra laugh behind you, yet despite this you know he is dying to sink himself into you.

"Alright, alright." He concedes, taking your hips in his hands. "If you insist."

You feel his tip slide against your slit and shudder, craving the feeling of him inside you. It doesn't take more than a moment before you feel him start to enter you. You lay your head down, turning your face so you can watch Asra take you from behind.

His lips are parted in a silent moan as he relishes in the feeling of your walls around him. You sigh softly as he fully sheaths himself in you, a small tremor passing over your body from the pleasure. One moment, two moments pass as you both bask in the feeling of being connected.

"Give me your hands," he commands, slowly sliding in and out of you, giving no care to his agonizingly slow pace. Soft gasps are falling from your lips as you try to register his request.

Carefully, you cross your arms behind your back. It's no use to keep the blush at bay as you take in the dirty scene. Your face is pressed to the pillows, unable to move much as Asra takes your wrists and pins them to your back. Your ass is raised in the air to meet his rhythmic thrusting.

Asra grips one of your thighs with a free hand and quickens the pace a little. Your eyes shut tightly as your body responds. You can feel his tip hit deep inside of you with each snap of his hips. It's unrelenting and you have to catch yourself from begging for more.

You feel the fingers around your wrist tighten a bit as Asra's breathing speeds up behind you. You know that he's set on giving you as much painfully slow torture as he can manage himself, but you also know that potion is working against him. There's nothing he wants more than to let go and pound you into the mattress.

"Baby," you choke out, words bouncing along with your bodies. "I know you want to fuck me so good right now." Your voice is deep with seduction. "Please just fill me up like I know you want to." You finish your plea, watching his face with satisfaction. His eyes are darkened with desire. He takes just a few more strokes before slowly to a stop inside you.

"You asked for it," he warns. He only takes a moment to let go of your wrists and flips your body so you're facing him. He cages you in on either side and licks his lips as he stares into your eyes. His hungry mouth meets yours in a kiss full of fire. You can melt into it for only a second before you feel him grab your hips and pull you flush against him; Your cries drowned by his lips as he sets an erratic pace, skin meeting with loud slaps.

"Fucking hell," he groans, still kissing you between words. "You feel like heaven on earth. You're so hot, and I can feel your insides squeezing me." He explains, hot breath falling over your face. Your cheeks burn at his descriptions.

You loop your arms around his neck and press your chest into his. Your skin meets, shining with sweat and burning from love. Asra presses back, savoring the feeling of your nipples brushing against his.

You start to feel that familiar blossom of unreleased pleasure pool in your lower stomach. Asra's shaft is hitting you just right, sending jolts of satisfaction right to your core.

"Oh-" you stop and whine pleasantly when he shifts angles. "Fuck. Please yes, don't stop!" Your arms drop and nails dip into his biceps and you grit your teeth from the hot delight searing through your body.

"I couldn't even If i wanted to," Asra answers, words strained as his grasp on himself starts to crumble. His breath is leaving his lips in short pants now and you can almost see the resolve to hold on slip away before your eyes.

He falls into you, wrapping his arms tightly around your waist and thrusts into you with all of the strength he can muster. You bury your face in his neck and take hold of his hair. You can feel Asra's body shuddering to not let go.

You bring your lips to his ear and bite his lobe. "Won't you come for me sweetheart? Please empty yourself in me." You whisper.

Asra takes in a sharp breath and you hear him choke at your words. They were enough to push him over the edge and he rams into you with a low, strangled cry.

Your head falls back and your mouth opens in a silent scream as Asra lets himself go in you. Your legs shake violently of their own accord as you feel your orgasm wash over you, leaving your body in euphoric fire.

Asra's lips immediately find yours as you ride out your orgasms together. You kiss him passionately, all of your senses in overdrive. His kisses are soft, and sweet, a clear declaration of his love. Happiness rushes in like a flood as you enjoy the afterglow. After a minute Asra removes himself from you and joins you in laying down, sides still heaving from the activities.

"My dear, how I love you." He says with a smile, running his fingers in slow, soft circles on your stomach.

You turn on your side and look into his eyes. He looked content, and his cheeks were dimpled from his growing grin.

"I love you too," you return, hand falling into his. His skin was still warm. The two of you lay there for a while, out of breath and simply enjoying the presence of one another.

Eventually, Asra sits up and looks down at you with humor in his eyes. "Well, I think I can tell our buyer that we did an extensive review of his product and it does, in fact, work."

Your face breaks into a smile and you laugh at Asra's words. "Oh goodie, I'm sure he'll be thrilled to hear all about it."

#the arcana game #asra alnazar #the arcana #asra lemon #asra smut #asra x reader #asra x female reader #writing #fanfic #arcana smut #arcana #arcana fanfic #asra fanfic

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koala711 · 3 years ago

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Back to You

[Thoma X GN!Reader]

I have so many regrets, and my biggest one involves you.

WARNING(s): Grammar mistakes, cursing, angst-ish I guess? And hand holding •̀Ⱉ•́

Words: About 2-3k

Sorry I can't check it on my phone(and I'm not very versed in Tumblr functions)

The cries of joy and chatter was nothing but a background noise to you as you stood above it all in the crow’s nest, avoiding the activity and the land.

Why’d you even come here? Just to sit in the crow’s nest of the Alcor and watch others enjoy the festivities of Inazuma.

You looked back from the horizon and at the festival, noticing how some of your old friends were enjoying their time. Laughing and eating all sorts of food you’d tried to remake and ultimately failed at because even though you can cook, you couldn’t remember the ingredients in the food you didn’t know how to make.

It didn’t matter how many times you’d eaten them over the counter, piping hot and so delicious, it was all forgotten.

You continued to gaze off in slight jealousy until you noticed a familiar head of blond hair walking along the docks, stepping closer and closer to the Alcor.

Like a cresendo from piano to fortississimo and whole to thirty-second notes, curses began and cluttered in your head, watching him suddenly turn onto the ship and almost catching your gaze before you fell to the ground of the crow’s nest to hide.

Why did he of all people come here to fetch you?

“(Y/n)?” Thoma called out, taking careful steps onto and around the Alcor’s deck to see if he could spot your figure from above once again.

At your silence, he called once more.

“(Y/n)!”

It didn’t work.

He sighed, staring up at the crows nest that he caught a glimpse of you at, noticing how a bit of your (hair color) hair flew against the fiery orange sky.

“Beidou mentioned you were still in the crows nest,” he began, circling the post. “I brought some Tri-color Dango for you- you still like it, right?”

Dango...

It’s been quite a while since you’ve had the real thing.

You’ve tried to make it before, but you always had to substitute the matcha and sakura for other flavors available in the market that you could afford. So, the offer of it was very tempting to say the least. The only problem you had was that you’d have to finally talk to him.

Thoma let out a long sigh as he was met with no response once again.

Like an impatient mother, his foot began to tap against the wood, and his free hand was placed on his hip.

“(Y/n), I know you’re up there. Don’t make me have to come fetch you myself.”

Knowing Thoma and how he was with you, he was most likely serious.

It was always like this.

Whenever you hid away in your small corner of the either Mondstadt or Inazuma because the world seemed too hard for you, Thoma always seemed to know where you were and was always there to listen to your woes. Always seeing right through you and being able to comfort your soul.

In worry that Thoma would harm himself to get up the crows nest, you peeked down from above, immediately being met with shiny emerald eyes and a smile as big as the sun.

“(Y/n)!” He let out a sigh of relief. “What’re you still doing here? Don’t you want to enjoy the festivities?”

“Yeah, but...” How do you tell this man that he was one of the main reasons you couldn’t leave the ship? “It’s been awhile since I’ve been here! I’m a little nervous to return!”

It wasn’t a complete lie.

You were definitely nervous.

Thoma hummed, understanding your situation with the return. He himself was a little nervous to return to Mondstadt if he were to ever do so for their Windblume festival.

Seeing how the world you once knew has changed in your absence, and how people you once knew have evolved and maybe even become strangers. He's quite a positive person, but even he has to admit those kinds of thoughts get to him a little.

“Well...” Thoma trailed off with his eyebrows furrowed and his lips a little pursed as he thought to himself. “How about we go to the Iradori Festival together?”

The idea he muttered made a flush of warmth kiss his cheeks, but it wasn’t obvious in the warm light of the sun.

“What’d you say!?”

The distance between you too was so big, and with the voice carrying each others voices into the wind

“How about we go to the Iradori Festival together than!?”

Together?

Going to the Iradori Festival... together?

How in Celestia were you supposed to reject this offer in the kindest way possible?

You can barely even face Thoma after what you did, so how would you be able to spend the rest of the afternoon with him as if you were fine? As if everything was fine?

“I...” You trailed off, biting your lip in hesitance. “I don’t know, Thoma. Aren’t you busy with your duties?”

“No. I have today and tomorrow off, actually. The Kamisatos wanted to make sure I enjoy the festival at least a little bit because I 'work too hard'.”

Thoma seemed to have noticed the way your eyebrows furrowed at the last point, and began to wave his hands in worry.

“I don’t mind spending my day off with you, don’t worry!”

Just how were you supposed to reject him?

“... Alright. Give me a second to come down.”

‘Archons... Please help me.’

---

By the way you behaved alongside Thoma, it’d be hard for some to think you two were close friends because all you did was try to pull away.

Even now as you tried one of the games at the festival, you were a bit tense.

You let out a groan, watching as the last ring of yours bounced off the rim of the bottle and onto the floor. It was your 3rd try(3 tosses each), and no matter what, you seemed to fail and not get close to winning.

“I keep telling you, stop throwing it from so high,” Thoma nagged, pushing your hand a bit lower from behind. “You need to through it around here so it won’t bounce as bad. Put those archery skills to use.”

“This is a little crueler than archery,” you sighed, trying to avoid the warm blush on your cheeks to try and throw the ring once more. "These rings are so small they can barely fit around the bottles..."

With the help of Thoma, the ring skidded along the rims before it finally dropped into place around the neck of the bottle. The next two didn’t work out, but they were close.

That one toss was enough to win you both a small, handmade keychain from the shop next door. It was a little corgi a small pillow, sleeping the day away adorably.

“You should have it,” you suggested, holding out the keychain to him. “You helped me get it.”

“No, no, no.” Thoma pushed your hand back to you. “You’ve been trying so hard at this game.”

“But-”

“No buts." By the stern look in his eyes, you knew you were already defeated. "Now, the vendor I got the Dango from earlier isn't far from here. Are you feeling peckish at all?"

You didn't answer him for a couple of seconds, staring at him with an unreadable expression.

"(Y/n)?" He called a little worriedly.

"Oh, sorry," you hummed and looked down at your stomach. "I guess I'm a little peckish."

Thoma was quick to smile, grabbing onto your long sleeve and tugging you along.

"Alright! Let's go get some food!"

His determination made you feel at ease, and his smile made the butterflies in your stomach flutter like a newly birthed butterfly stretching its wings.

Thoma was still the Thoma you knew, and you couldn't help but be in joy at that factor.

As he met his friends along the streets of Ritou, it wasn't long before they departed ways and continued to stick by your side as if you were glued together, no matter the offer they made.

"I'm sorry," Thoma began with a sweat forming on his temple as he spoke to the elderly woman. "I'd love to chat more, but I'm enjoying the festival with an old friend. It's been a long time since we've seen each other."

And then again only a couple moments later as you two stood outside of the book signing event.

"I'm sorry, I can't help you right now. I promised my friend I'd show them around the Iradori Festival for the day. I'm sure that Mr.Imai wouldn't mind though! He's been helping around the festival a-... wait, maybe he's tired-"

And once again under the tree at the centerof Ritou.

"N-no, it's fine," he laughed, shaking his head at the offer. "There is no need to pay me for yesterday, I helped you because I wanted to."

As Thoma dealt with another person through this night, you couldn't help but look at your surroundings and notice a stand of books far from the two of you.

They were all new titles mostly written by Inazumans and one from a writer from Mondstadt.

The titles and covers were interesting, but what attracted you the most was the summary on the back of one of them, describing a small love story of one guy who found a woman in the woods wearing a strange mask made of glass.

So, you innocently picked it up to look at the first couple of pages to see if you'd like to buy it.

Once Thoma successfully rejected another persons request or offer, he finally noticed you weren't where he saw you last. He was already worried that these inturruptions on your night together were bothering your experience, so the idea of you walking away to something that'd caught your eye wasn't completely unexpected.

He found you standing in front of one of the book stands that was tucked away at the exit gate of Ritou to the rest of Inazuma.

Thoma silently gazed at you who had stuffed their nose into one of the books on sale. You didn’t realize it, but the book has completely engulfed you.

It was nice to see you completely at ease. He's noticed how on edge you've been tonight, and he theorizes that maybe the problem... Was him.

“Excuse me,” Thoma whispered to the saleslady of the bookstand, pulling out his small red pouch filled with mora. “I’d like to pay for that book they’re reading.” He noticed a small box filled with bookmarks and saw something he thought you might like. "And this, please."

She smiled softly, glancing at you and the book in hand.

“It’s 4,000 mora.”

He hummed, rummaging through the pouch and quickly counted the coins together to give to the saleslady in hopes he would be able to stop you before you got to a good part and leave you on a cliff hanger.

Pulling you out of your trance, Thoma placed a finger in the middle of the book and slowly pulled it down with an innocent smile.

“It’s been a a long while since we ate at the vendors," he began, pulling the book out of your hands and placing a cute tanuki bookmark in his fingers place before closing it shut. “There aren't any restaurants here open around this time, so how about we head over to Inazuma City and go to Komore Teahouse?”

As if it were a cue, your stomach began to grumble in the silent atmosphere this part of Ritou had.

Thoma chuckled, holding your book at his side and holding onto your wrist with his other hand.

“W-wait,” you stuttered, looking between his hand around wrist and the saleslady. “We didn’t pay-”

“Don’t worry,” Thoma laughed. “I already did.”

---

The two of you were a little ways away from Ritou at this point, but you haven't passed the village yet.

You'd forgotten how beautiful Inazuma was at night. How the moon shine in its waters and leaves like a blessing. The unique glow of the flora made the ambience of your journey even better. It really set the calm feeling of a normal walk to Inazuma City.

It was just you, Thoma, and no one to inturrupt the two of you.

"I'm sorry about all those inturruptions," Thoma sighed, kicking one of the rocks along the road. It was one of the main reasons he suggested the two of you to go to the city. "It was bothering your experience of the Iradori Festival."

"No, it's fine Thoma. I didn't mind too much. You're a very reliable and likeable person, you know. I'm not surprised more people came along to greet you."

Maybe you shouldn't have complimented him. It wasn't the best option considering how you've been tryibg your hardest to keep a distance, but the blush on his cheeks was worth it.

Thoma laughed bashfully, scratching the tip o9f his nose with a smile.

"You think so?"

"... Yes."

Once again, the two of you walked along the road in silence. The lamp that hivered in the air in your stick creaked and cried as it swung with each step along the dirt road.

It didn't feel awkward at all.

It was... comfortable.

You haven't been feeling all that comfortable throughout the whole festival experience, but the way Thoma's warm smile shone in your direction, it made your iceburg of nerves slowly melt.

He was so magical in some ways. Ways you'd never tell him about because you knew it'd make it harder to leave because you didn't deserve to stay by his side, despite the promise you made.

At least that's what you've been thinking even before you made the sudden decision of immediately going back to Inazuma for him.

Besides, that promise was something you'd already broken.

Unlike the majority of the Crux- which you have joined temporarily-, you stayed behind in Liyue as they made the treacherous journey to Inazuma upon the Traveler's wish of winning the tournament. Returning to Inazuma after your cowardly goodbye made your skin crawl, so you stayed behind.

One day as you were walking along the shores of Liyue harbor, the tales of the Traveler saving him from having his vision taken made your stomach boil over with regret.

It was a good thing that your friend, Zhongli, was not too far away betting on jade because he didn't have much else to do at the moment. He helped you to the parlor and let you rest in one of the spare rooms after he witnessed you topple to the ground at the alchemy table.

How could you just leave without a trace and not help at all with the vision hunt and sakoku decree?

People were suffering; losing so much of their souls as their visions were taken away so forcefully. Suffuring by being kept prisoner in the region they both loved and feared.

Just the thought of Thoma turning into a husk of a human made your skin crawl with horror.

"(Y/n)?"

Thoma's call brought you back to your senses, finding that you'd stopped walking not too long ago.

Your gaze could only meet the floor as your stomach gurgled in both hunger and disgust.

"I'm sorry for leaving you behind... again," you whispered, tightening your fists at your sides. The lamp slowly lowered until it hit the floor softly. "I-I didn't even say anything that time."

The blond was quick to come to your side and softly grip one of your hands in his. Needless to say, your fist melted against his as he engulfed them.

"I can't help but think that maybe, just maybe, if I stayed here, you wouldn't have almost had your vision being taken away from you," you continued.

Your voice was soft and weak, and you weren't able to meet his gaze that burned into your head, desperate to see your (eye color) eyes that were threatening to spill over with tears.

"It's alright," Thoma said, squeezing your hand back a little. "Everything turned out okay. The traveler was able to save me-"

"But what if the Traveler wasn't there? Then what would have happened?" Your words slowly began to quicken in a panic. "I can't help but hate myself for leaving you in this place when things were beginning to turn to shit! I should have stayed behind to help with the resistance but I didn't even think. I took that offer that night and didn't even think about what the aftermath of having you vision taken could do. Everyone thought a person would be fine, but I heard it turns people into husks- delusional husks- and just thinking about how many have and could have turned into one just because I was being a coward-"

"(Y/n)!"

You were silent, finding your gaze forcefully moved up by Thoma who cupped your face in his hands. Something about his furrowed eyebrows and shaking, emerald eyes made you a little nervous.

"You are not a coward for leaving Inazuma because of the Vision Hunt and Sakoku Decree, so don't you dare call yourself that.

"You left because it was for the best. Your love for exploring Teyvat and all of its mystery is something you have always loved since we were kids. You are a human. A person. Pretty much anyone wouldn't want to be stuck in a region against their will, so you left. So stop thinking about all the what if's because it all turned out fine, (y/n)."

"But I still left you... again." Your voice cracked as you brought your hands up to his wrists, finding a little bit of comfort in holding him back. "I-I promised I'd never do it again but I did and I didn't even say goodbye."

One random night, you promised to him over a hot pot that you would never leave his side. That Inazuma felt like home and that you didn't need to keep adventuring. That you'd never leave his side again.

Even Thoma was unsure you'd keep that promise because how could you do that?

"From the first day I met you, I knew that exploration has captured your heart and I've always accepted that," he whispered inches away from you, wiping your tears to the side with his thumb with a smile. "Even when you made that promise, I knew that you wouldn't be able to keep it somehow because you are meant to travel, (Y/n). It's not something you can just give up, even for me."

A couple of seconds passed as you struggled to get your words out.

An internal conflict of letting him know or not raged like a war for those seconds that seemed like hours, but you had to give an answer.

Before you knew it, one of the sides won.

"But I really wanted to..." You whispered brokenly. "I really wanted to..."

He thought you were going to be a little speechless over his words, but Thoma found himself speechless at yours.

Sure, maybe giving up a passion of yours for someone else isn't the best move, but it showed just how much you were willing to do to just stay by his side.

That's not something a person would say to someone that was only a friend.

That factor made the world seem so slow with each passing second for him now, finding himself unable to tear himself away from your (eye color) eyes that twinkled with your tears and the stars.

"You can still explore, (y/n). You don't need to give up your passion for me..."

One hand of his pushed back the messy, stray strands of hair that stuck to your face thanks to your tears.

You could feel his breath along your lips, and your hands tensed as soon as you noticed how close you were, but you couldn't seem to move no matter how much the butterflies in your stomach made you want to heel over in nervousness.

"I will always be waiting, because I know you will always come back for me."

Under the night sky of Teyvat, Thoma and you had always spent special moments together.

Whether it was your first tooth being lost, a reunion under the soft blue glow of Chihu Forest, or an overdue apology, the two of you always had your special moments under the moonlight.

Tonight, it was your first kiss.

#thoma x reader #genshin impact thoma #thoma x y/n #genshin imagines #thoma imagines #genshin x reader #genshin impact

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kirishimas-manly-eyeliner · 4 years ago

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➴ are we supposed to share a bed?

pairings: sawamura daichi, ryūnosuke tanaka, koshi sugawara, tsukishima kei, tadashi yamaguchi, shoyo hinata, tobio kageyama, yu nishinoya, asahi azumane x gn! reader (karasuno boys)

warnings: none! pure fluff hehe <3

KARASUNO BOYS WITH THE FANFIC TROPE: THERE WAS ONLY ONE BED (...and a couch.)

KEI TSUKISHIMA

good luck on trying to get him to go to sleep comfortably on the bed.

“i’ll sleep on the couch,” he deadpans, and flops over onto the cushion that is clearly too small for him. tsukishima stays there, caught up in his thoughts for a while. tossing and turning on the bed, his head nearly falling off the arm rests and his ankles sticking out in an uncomfortable position.

after a long day of practice, you nearly fall asleep as soon as your head hits the pillow. the only thing preventing you from getting a good night’s rest is the sounds of the couch’s old springs shrieking and creaking. “tsukishima, you should just lie down here instead... it’s a lot more comfortable anyway.”

you can hear him scoff with his head buried under a throw pillow. “no.”

there was really no way of getting through to him, was there?

but the problem was, right before you were about to fall asleep, right as your eyelids got heavy and you were finally about to go into a blissful sleep for the first time in months, tsukishima would keep moving around

you didn’t mean to be this cranky. you were exhausted. “tsuki, c’mon. you sound uncomfortable. sleep here.”

tsukishima immediately stopped moving. for a moment, you thought he might come and join you. he doesn’t.

but eventually, when he’s so uncomfortable to the point where he can’t stop tossing and turning and you’re sound asleep, he’ll crawl into bed with you WAYYY later. no way is he going to snuggle in bed with you while you’re still awake.

instead, with his body heavy from lack of sleep, he lies down next to you, praying that you don’t wake up, and falls asleep like a light.

you wake up with his arms wrapped around you.

TADASHI YAMAGUCHI

precious!! little!! baby!!

tadashi will say he prefers the couch-- not because he doesn’t like you, he’s just afraid of the actual part of sleeping next to you. he’s watched enough movies to know what happens when the two characters fall asleep on the same bed. they wake up, hand-in-hand, completely flustered-- and tadashi is convinced that he’d combust if that ever happened. he just wants to make sure that you’re comfortable.

“are you sure?” you ask. “you worked really hard today... and your serves were amazing! take the bed. i’ll sleep on the couch.”

tadashi shakes his head. “i-it’s okay. really.”

“mm...” you think for a moment, but then smile. “you can always sit up here with me, if you want.”

tadashi immediately wraps his arms around himself. “n-no! it’s okay! really! i wouldn’t want you to feel uncomfortable...”

you smile playfully. “don’t worry about it. i don’t mind, i know you wouldn’t do anything weird. come on. i’m tired, you’re tired, let’s just go to bed, yeah?”

after a few more moments of talking and trying to let yamaguchi know that you genuinely don’t mind, you convince yamaguchi to sleep with you on the bed instead of him going on the ripped couch.

he’ll be lightly hugging himself, afraid that if he outstretched his arms, they would wrap around you in his sleep. that was the last thing he wanted-- for you to feel uncomfortable around him.

(jokes on him, you two both wake up cuddling regardless)

SHOYO HINATA

without a moment’s pass, once you two settle into your rooms for the night, he throws his bags down, and DRAGS YOU DOWN WITH HIM ON THE BED

unlike the others, there’s no discussion on who goes on the couch and who goes on the bed. after games, hinata is always a little overly confident and ends up oulling you down on the bed next to him. he doesn’t even shower. he’s exhausted.

you laugh (his energy is contagious), “hinata-?? uherm don’t you wanna shower first?”

he laughs out loud, stretching his arms out. “but i’m exhausteeedddd!”

he fluffs the pillows in an insanely cute way and goes, “okay. i can sleep on the left side, you can sleep on the right so that we don’t crash into each other during the night. is that okay?”

you nod. hinata smiles before changing (and then he goes to rinse off) and plops onto bed, snuggling under the covers. he’ll casually get out his phone and scroll through the feed, maybe play a couple of games, and casually talk about his day with you, until he realizes that you didn’t respond.

he peered over, finding that you were sleeping.

he smiles softly, before the idea that he had actually JUST nonchalantly slept with you next to him, your face only a few inches away from his, and the realization finally settles in as his face burns against his pillow.

TOBIO KAGEYAMA

"I mean... If you want."

kageyama says that phrase at least ten times throughout the process of trying to figure out the idea of “only one bed.”

he’s trying his best not to be too aggressive or pushy around you, but it’s clear that he’s cranky and wants some sleep after a long day. his face is in a pout from exhaustion, his bags are sprawled across the floor and the last thing he looks like he wants to do is get a restless sleep on the couch.

“so uh,... do you want the couch or the bed-?” you ask. kageyama shrugs. but looking at how tired he is, his sunken eyes, and the way his knees were nearly unbuckling, you say gently, “i’m gonna take the couch.”

“okay.”

you take the couch and kageyama lies down on the bed, but exhausted as he is, a part of him is thinking with a twinge of guilt, “the couch must be really uncomfortable.. are they okay?”

so instead, kageyama peers over and finds you wrapping your arms around yourself from the couch, and he sighs, long and tired, and kind of just- STANDS over you on the couch like 🧍🏻 ...

“hey.”

you look up, confused and half-asleep. “...mmph?”

“sleep with me.”

the words tumble out before kageyama can stop them, but you’re just so heavy with sleep that you nod as if nothing had happened and flop onto the bed, your entire body sinking into the soft mattress. you wake up with a blanket wrapped around you, and kageyama on the floor from faling off.

RYUNOSUKE TANAKA

surprisingly, he has so much more respect and privacy for you than you may suspect. when tanaka enters the room, he’s lowkey kind of tense, but he sets his bags down and helps you, “uhem... do you need anything? tooth brush? tooth paste? extra blankets-?” he sees you as the most beautiful thing he’s ever seen. the way he stares at you is something that no one else can compare to.

you laugh. “nah, i’m good. but thanks!” you look around, pointing towards the couch and raising an eyebrow at how uncomfortable it looks. “you and i both had a rough day... how about we just sleep on the bed then? i-if you’re comfortable with it, that is.”

CONGRATULATIONS YOU BROKE TANAKA

this awkward blob who’s just insanely flustered because holy crow, his best friend AND crush is suggesting they both share the bed. he then flashes out a grin and a thumbs up, “alright! sounds good!”

you grin back as you two both get ready for bed and lie down.

and to confirm, he has absolutely no shame once he gets more comfortable and calm for cuddling you (with your consent BECAUSE CONSENT IS SO SEXY)

tanaka will talk about his entire day with you in such a free way. everything is so easy with him-- he constantly thinks that you’re the most beautiful person he’s ever laid eyes on and tries not to say it out loud every five seconds. tanaka will hold your hand and try to make you laugh multiple times just for the sake of it <3

YU NISHINOYA

"i-i can sleep on the couch! really!"

...he’s lying.

you know when you offer someone food, you know, just for the sake of being nice-- and this small part of you hopes that they don’t take the food?

that’s what nishinoya is casually saying, explaining that he can “sleep on the couch.” in reality, he just wants to cuddle next to you, hand-in-hand as you two casually talk about your day. he wants to play with your hair and kiss you and make you laugh. he wants to see you smile and cuddle you, wake up in the morning hand-in-hand as someone you can trust.

“uHmMM... okay, you can take the couch then,” you say, completely oblivious.

a small part of nishinoya dies inside with those words. “erm, okay. goodnight!!” he’s trying to sound cheerful for your sake, but he can’t help but feel disappointed.

that’s what he wanted, right? you stumble over to the bed, your legs tired and knees buckling after a long day as you pull your covers over yourself. “mm, goodnight, noya!”

but later, you see that nishinoya is standing above the couch a lot like kageyama did-- contemplating whether or not he should speak out about wanting to go on the bed next to you or going on the couch. once he hears that you’ve stopped shuffling under your bed covers, he thinks you’re asleep and stares at you-- only to find your eyes staring into his.

he blurts the words out. “can i- i mean, only if it’s okay with you, can i sleep on the bed with you?!”

you hesitate, but then raise an eyebrow and your upper lip curls with a playful grin. “oh?”

nishinoya laughs and gives a small shrug.

“c’mere.”

KOSHI SUGAWARA

he's such a sweetheart.

sugawara knows that you work really hard to help the boys stay healthy. he knows the work you put into cleaning up and trying to decide what’s best for them and yourself. “you can pick! i don’t really mind. go ahead, do whatever you’d like.”

(a part of him is secretly begging that you choose to go with him instead on the bed. will he say that out loud? probably not, but he loves you so much and wants you to know that with every fiber in his body.)

“you can pick,” you say, for a change. there’s a moment where sugawara is surprised, but then relaxes and nods along with it. “i can, erm, sleep on the couch. if that’s easier for you,” he blushes and scratches the back of his neck. your stomach sinks. did he really want to sleep on the couch-

“but if you’re okay with it, we can both share the bed-”

“okay!” the words spill out of you before you can stop them. you clear your throat, trying to contain your excitment. “i mean. okay.”

sugawara laughs and takes your hand, and he props up the pillows (strikes me as the guy to have a playlist i am just saying) and asks you about your day.

he will definitely end up cuddling you in his sleep. in the morning, you wake up on his chest with his arms around you, and when you look on the other side of the bed-- you’re no longer alone. a soft smile with friendly eyes is staring back at you.

“did you sleep well, princess?”

DAICHI SAWAMURA

GENTLEMAN GENTLEMAN GENTLEMAN

he knows that you're private about a lot of stuff, but he'll definitely be a lot like suga and make sure whatever happens is best for you. daichi will make sure that above all else, you feeling comfortable is top priotity. he’ll try to be a good guy for you and let you make yourself at home-- heck, he probably brought lights or something in case you were afraid of the dark because hE’S JUST THAT CONSIDERATE

daichi, out of all of them, will immediately address that he’ll take the couch first. “i’ll take the couch. it’s been a long day.”

at this point, daichi’s brain is on autopilot after so long and he just immediately assumes that you’ll take the bed. he wants you to feel as rested as possible for the next day, so daichi is just about ready to flop around the couch, when you say:

“daichi... you should take the bed-! i can go on the couch. or we could share.”

HE DOUBLE TAKES

HE DOUBLE TAKES AND ASKS YOU AGAIN

a laugh bubbles up insdie your chest (he blushes and prays you can’t see it in the dark of the night) and you drag his arm to the bed, fighting back the urge to kiss him on the nose. “sleep. you deserve it, team captain.”

he leans back, grinning. “alrighty then. get plenty of sleep. i’ll be sure to see you tomorrow morning, angel.”

ASAHI AZUMANE

HE'S SCARED

HE THINKS HES TOO INTIMIDATING OR TOO BIG AND THAT YOU'LL BE UNCOMFORTABLE

asahi is practically soluting as if speaking to a general. “i’ll take the couch!”

he’s well aware that it’s too small for him. but if it means that you don’t have to deal with the idea of sleeping in the corner of the room with cobwebs, that was good enough for him.

you nod slowly, smiling gratefully. the couch couldn’t be that bad... right?

as you cuddle into your sheets, there’s a moment wher eyou open your eyes and finally look at the back of the room, to find asahi in a strange position-- his head is falling off the armrest and his feet are dangling from the front.

he’s shuffling, changing positions, but it’s clear that he’s nervous and isn’t too sure what you think of him like this.

“come here, big guy.”

you outstretch your arms and pat the side of your bed, and he doesn’t look to sure. it’s almost beauty and the beast all over again-- just the roles are slightly edited.

“oh-hkay!” asahi smiles slightly, the tips of his ears turning pink. “are you sure?”

you nod. “sure i’m sure. now come here, ‘m sleepy.”

asahi laughs softly and lies down, trying to avoid going too much in the center in fear of taking up too much space. “hey, it’s fine.”

you wake up with his arm as a pillow and your head resting on his shoulder.

🕭 reblog | comment | like 🕭

did you take care of yourself today? you deserve to, no matter what you got done today. remember to drink water to nourish your sexc body and to give you strength!! i love you so much and i’m proud of you, and know that the hq boys would be, too! remember to get plenty of rest and do what makes you happy above all else. if you needed to hear it today, you’re valid. and you are not alone.

join my family!

tag list!!: @kirishima-my-beloved @xuxisushi-1 @morias-ace @mrsbokutok @farfetchedparanoia @eunoianthia @missmorosis @tsumushima @moonhere @zatannas-wand @cookiewhoree @kozumegamecollection

☂ small little playlist for imagining scenarios in your head to help you sleep <3 ☂

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cassynite · 2 years ago

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6, 9, 16, 19 for Sparrow! <3

Thank you for the questions 🥺❤️ I love granular kinds of questionnaires like these, they always make me pause and think a lil bit about my characters a little more.

OC Character Development Questions

6. Does your character have recurring themes in their dreams?

Yea absolutely! Themes of her childhood before she was kidnapped appear constantly in her dreams--bright, sunny days, bright colors, large blooming flowers, the cliffs splashing into the sea with the wind blowing with enough force that it feels like she could jump off and it would be able to carry her. Climbing trees, great big reaching branches propelling her into the sky until she's on top of the world. Her brother, or pieces of him--his smile, his laugh, the way he talked so fast when he was excited she couldn't understand him, the way his hands always skillfully worked on the tiniest details of whatever he was creating--also show up frequently in her dreams. Freedom, flight, warmth, and family, that's what her mind draws for her in sleep.

9. Is your character’s current socioeconomic status different than it was when they were growing up?

Yes, Sparrow's status has changed a lot throughout her childhood! As a child, she was the younger sister of a very respected but very young engineer in a country where material needs were met as a matter of course. Crow's work and prestige meant that he and Sparrow were able to live quite well despite their young ages, though it was relatively humble. Away from the direct city, in a little house on a high cliff where others weren't as bothered by experiments on protoypes, Sparrow always had what she needed but wasn't living lavishly or anything. When she becomes a slave for House Arvanxi she ends up in a very awkward place in the household. She is property in Cheliax, the lowest of the low, but being a body double means that she also has to be seen and treated as Evaethi when needed. Because of this she's given fine clothes, a noble's education, and is separate from the servants and slaves--but if she makes a mistake, angers Gregoriath, or is otherwise defiant or doesn't live up to expectations, the punishments are as harsh as they would be for anyone else with a collar. Sparrow has gone without food, been beaten and whipped, and threatened all the while--because what she has here is still good, isn't it? Better than anything anyone else would give her as a slave. If she continues to fail to live up to the expectations of her position, Gregoriath can always sell her again. Pretending to be Evaethi puts her in a similar position--a noble, but not really, and terribly conscious of the fact--and Sparrow at the beginning of the game is prepared to strike out in the world with little more than the clothes on her back. Of course, when she finally closes the Worldwound and marries Daeran, she becomes a noble in truth--one who will never have to worry about any kind of material need again, and who can travel the world whenever she pleases. She's recognizable, a respected leader of the community, and far above any kind of status she'd have even dreamed of as a child.

16. Which does your character idealize most: happiness or success?

Happiness, full stop. Success in Sparrow's eyes is to be happy, to have found peace in herself and her surroundings and finally become allowed to live in a way that lets her be free. Material wealth, prestige, accolades--they're all pointless to her, secondary to gaining the emotional fulfillment that she craves.

19. What is your character’s biggest relationship flaw? Has this flaw destroyed relationships for them before?

Sparrow's biggest relationship flaw is her insecurity in its strength. She is always waiting for the other person to leave--for them to realize that she's not worth sticking around for, that her idiosyncrasies and her nerves are too much to handle and for them give up. It leads to her catastrophizing arguments, planning for the worst possible reactions and outcomes, and hiding concerns, criticisms, and complaints from her partner for fear that expressing them might make her too much trouble. It makes arguments--even over small things--monumental tasks to get through, and it's hurtful to the other person, because what does it say about Sparrow's view of them that she thinks they'll abandon her at the drop of a hat? This hasn't destroyed previous relationships because Sparrow never had previous relationships to destroy--every connection she made prior to the Crusades did leave. It does, however, create a few rocky points in Sparrow and Daeran's relationship after the Crusades end and they marry. They do eventually work through them, and Sparrow does learn to talk herself down from her first instinct to jump to the worst conclusion.

#cassy answers #aeoncoded #oc: sparrow #one day. i'll write the first post-marriage blowup argument she and daeran have #once i figure out what it's about lol

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thed4rkhand · 4 years ago

Text

planets through the first house

Planets through the first house

Ready for yet another astrology post? We’ll be covering the results of different planets when placed in the first house of a birth chart. Remember that astrology is super fickle and changes dramatically with sign placement, aspects and conjunctions. So without any further delay, lets get into it! Do reblog and like, it took me a lot of effort to compile my observations! Feel free to leave feedback!

Trigger warning- too many, these are just my observations. Also i didn’t proof read, so spelling mistkes could be there.

for Rahu, look at the saturn part. (north node)

for ketu, look at the mars part. (south node)

Sun in the first house-

When sun is in the first house of a birth chart, the person may be heavily influenced by their father. They may look like their father or have a similar personality. Such people tend to be perfectionists, its their way or the highway. They may have a tendency to gain weight easily, however if its in scorpio then they’ll dramatically shed it and gain it, in a loop. They are extremely magnetic people. They may deal with foreigners on a regular basis, or speak a foreign language. They may deal with the government very often and may work for the government as diplomats. They may obtain their higher education abroad. They can remain quite childlike till much older. They can be very protective of their community, traditions and religion, and aim to spread awareness about it. These people are actually rarely concerned with someone’s exterior, because often times such people have such good intuition and spiritual powers (some are literally called mystics because of this), they can literally see through someone. For this reason, they actually don’t like associating with too many people, despite having a very charming personality. These are the kind of people that keep searching for ‘the one’. People may approach them regarding projects first, and they may work for the government. They may have extremely powerful enemies, but they shall defeat them. They may be closer to their mother’s family and culture. They may have a peculiar accent when talking, and many people will compliment their speech. They may have frizzy and big hair. They’ll have heavy acne in their younger years. They’ll have small squinted eyes, often accompanied by crows feet. They’ll appear much younger, and so will their mother. Their mother might be very short. They hate being indebted and like paying off loans quickly. They’ll have beautiful hands, and they have a habit of growing their nails. Many of them like to sing. Their father could’ve been a teacher or worked in heavy research based fields, maybe even a musician or doctor. Their life may go through rapid ups and down throughout. They may be extremely fond of cattle and horses, and hate flying. They may interject and cut people off in conversations. They will fall for married people or people in relationships, they will be good cooks and feel alienated by their mothers. They may wear glasses early on, and also they’re into fire rituals or fire. (pyromaniacs?). you will critique people and say terrible things you don’t mean when angry. You will have a large forehead or a receding hairline. You’ll have nightmares and premonitions about death and illness. You might be very very fond of gold or golden colours. You will be argumentative.

Moon in the first house-

When moon is in the first house of a birth chart, the person is heavily influenced by their mother. They may resemble their mother or have a similar personality. Such people are extremely moody and are always preoccupied with other’s opinion of them. They may have a tendency to fluctuate between their body weight, and are likely to have body dysmorphia. They have short necks and generally are short in height too. They’re very critical and over-analyze everything and everyone. Sometimes, even unconsciously, they manipulate people to suit their needs and whims. They get side tracked too often and have difficulty focussing on one task at hand, often amounting to laziness in other people’s eyes, even if the native is extremely hardworking in reality. However when in comes to personal care, they tend to do things in a very half-hearted manner. These people are also prone to isolating themselves from others, especially when things get hard. Such people tend to be famous or popular in friend circles, or at the very least well known. They can be extremely picky people and often can be obsessive in their thoughts. They may follow their mother’s footpath professionally, and may want to pursue fields related to law, beauty/architecture and biology. Their mother’s were very involved in their life. Such people are always on the internet trying to look up astrology posts, tarot, etc. They like knowing whats going to happen and like to be prepared for it. They can be extremely manipulative when they want to be. They may see a lot of prophetic dreams, and their mother or them often have pressure buildup in their ears or can hear random sounds or voices. They enjoy looking at stars and the night sky. They enjoy a strange fascination for water and looking at people’s eyes. They could be into massaging people or have ‘healing hands’, or their mother could.

Venus in the first house-

When Venus is in the first house of a birth chart, the person is heavily influenced by their colleagues, significant others, or their families. They’re extremely swayed by people’s opinions of them, and often because of this are very unsure in their abilities. Big doe-like yes are often seen with this, and an inmate ability to gain beer-blotches on their face. They attract people to them. They may have bad relationships with their families, and their mother could have had a miscarriage just before them. They can be hyper sensitive regarding taste, smell and sound. They may be excellent singers or play musical instruments. They dress up glamorously for parties, but when at home or alone, they’re usually roaming around like they’re homeless. They suffer depression if they’re not looking their best even, heavily into working out and grooming. They may be extremely religious or spiritual and may mediate a lot. They explain concepts very well and can be some of the best teachers around. They usually attract female friends. They love the smell of musk and love digging deep and researching, even stalking. They could be into ancient civilizations and history, photography and art, gardening and plants, fascinated with concepts of violence and death. They sit on their bed and work, they love the sound of fire crackling and fireplaces, they gain when in relationships and love asmr sounds. The most competitive people ever and so very possessive of their own goods, also back and forth with morality (eg. One day spiritual and the next they love material goods, one day vegan and then back to being a non-vegetarian)

Mercury in the first house-

When mercury is in the first house of a birth chart, the person is heavily influenced by what extended family or acquaintances think of them. Such people are also very concerned about their health, and can be hypochondriacs. They may also at all times think that people hate them, without any reason. They could be great speakers or orators or writers. They can have a great imagination, that is extremely vivid and unique, especially as a kid. They may want to pursue careers related to beauty with such a positioning, or even theatre or music. They may have a very unique appearance, and may appear androgynous. For women, they could look like their fathers, and for men, they can look like their mothers. They may be into research and like getting to the bottom of a matter. They may always have this appearance of half-closed eyes, they never open them fully. This gives them this drowsy look. They love making spread-sheets and calculating their expenses. They could have liver or kidney issues. They may get into occult due to their siblings. A lot of transformation comes into their life due to their family and pets. They may want to live abroad. They may have addiction issues to substances like alcohol and drugs. They may have troubles with their father. May cause rifts between your mother and your father too, causes them to have a love-less marriage. They may be called snake-like, dream of snakes and walk with a very purposeful walk, they kind of sway alot. They may be extremely secretive in life. You may have lactose intolerance, and may be envious of other people’s success. You or your parents have a lot of unaccounted wealth. Such people could hear voices in their heads, see prophetic dreams and have fears of the deep water. This could make someone very tall as well. May be fond of children and old people. Either extremely thick eyebrows or no eyebrows. Dimples are very common. Long necks and dark circles, deep sunken eyes. Very cutesy appearance. Skin is discolored and if the position is afflicted, skin diseases are common. Long hands and loves instruments like the piano. You can separately raise your eyebrows and the most, I mean the most, theatrical ones.

Mars in the first house-

When mars is in the first house of a birth chart, they’re very conscious of their own opinion, or are always thinking that someone may be watching them, like paranormally. Also, they’re largely confident in themselves, for they don’t really pay that much attention to others. In fact they’ll go out of their way to rebel. They could have suffered through acne, heat boils and other skin diseases. They have frizzy or curly hair, and very reddish complexions. These are the people who blush so easily and prominently. You may have skin scarring with this, as simple as acne marks and freckles, to larger scars and burns. So expressive, the type of people who can separately raise their eyebrows. They tend to be the type who change their appearance so very often, from weight fluctuations, to piercings, to hair colors, wardrobe rehauls, and all. They can have an element of looking foreign or different. They may have huge eyes and they’re almost protruding or absolutely sunken, massive cheekbones or hallowed out cheeks. They may have this mysterious look to their eyes, and this always sad or lost look. Eyes are very red, and often they have issues like sinus or nose is always blocked or watering. They may have hidden wealth, also the type of people to have the type of personality where you would never suspect they’re into occult. They are very close or have some karmic relationship (could be negative) with their father’s brothers. They also always think about escaping, largely to forests and retreating there for a bit. Very into finding cures and deep research. Also love dears, might worship shiva and are addicted to coffee. Also fasination with the moon. People might attract stalkers with this. Hoarders and so critical everything and everyone, especially hoarders of photos. Photographs memory and love for photography and art. Love for music and music instruments, and may own one and keep it in their room. Fidget by tapping pens or feet, have to make a sound. Can be argumentative and terrible tempers. They love garlic and onion and root vegetable stuff honestly. Also weird affinity for horses and speed. Also they love seats with hand-rests, the comfy sink into ones. They’re the types who go for the head of the table seat. Also we’re you born via a c-section and not natural birth? Something is off about your birth, could be the only child.

Saturn in the first house-

When Saturn is in the first house of a birth chart, it makes people extremely unconventional and almost a social outcaste. They can sometimes have these half shut lazy eyes, where their eyelid is heavy and big, and they always appear to be drowsy. They may be alarmingly fond of animals, especially large wild animals. Also they’re absolute perfectionists, they just get up and destroy the things they created and don’t like. Also rain or thunder ASMR. They’re also neat freaks, they like their stuff kept a particular way and don’t go around cleaning their room or touching stuff. They are usually influenced by their mother and are quite close to them, unless you’re born in the evening or night time, then you’re absolutely like your father, resemble him and act like him. They may hear a lot of sounds very regularly, in their head. Could be schizophrenic or just hear loud thumping sounds. Possible love having musically instruments in their house and could play one, or they know a lot of musicians. They may be the youngest in their peer groups or colleagues, sometimes oldest. They do have old-soul personalities though. They love doing volunteer work at shelters and looking out for the underprivileged. Their upbringing could have been strict. They make friends from around the world, you’ll actually notice that they might have a lot of middle-eastern friends or be intrigued by their culture. They could have problems with their backs and legs. Further, they may be very no-nonsense strict teacher kind of person. They can also alternatively be the life of the party person, or both really. They could either be extremely happy and jumpy in public and really broody in private, or the other way around. They work so hard yet rarely get results. They suffer through a lot of ups and downs in life. Usually this gives an innate ability to lose weight and appear rather slender, also tall. This usually gives some kind of unique features to the face, large eyebrows, pointy cheekbones, small mouths, exaggerated features and this kind of drugged up look in their eyes. For women, this gives a curvy look to the body, with great breasts (in relation to proportions). People love cheese here, also they are great with children. They get blamed for cheating or other issues when they haven’t done it. You go against dogmatic thinking. You may attract men and women. Great looking feet and omg the obsession with shoes? Stop it already, you don’t need more. Also stop looking at the watch and making schedules, stop being obsessed with time, or really stop procrastinating.

Jupiter in the first house-

When Jupiter is in the first house of a chart, one is usually undeniably lucky in life. People with this placement tend to be tall, and if not then they have a big bone structure. They will have beautiful feet. They gain weight easily. They are heavily influenced by their fathers and spouses. They like scholarly debates and discussions and dislike arguments. They are fond of foreign cultures and the other dimensions, they believe in religious interventions and god. They can be a bit conservative in nature. They were either born in a comfortably rich household or will have it later. They or their parents own more than one property. Their mother has bad health, and could’ve fallen sick after giving birth to them or never had children after them. Their mother is spiritual. They could obtain higher education abroad. They could be into fields of liberal arts, especially law and academics (like wanting to become professors), they could alternatively also be musically inclined. They will have an enchanting speech and aura, and people will commend their oration. They can be into writing. They could enjoy traveling a lot. They keep looking for love, it is one of their priorities even from a young age. They feel connected to spirits or gods, and often feel that there is something off or unique about them. They may have clairvoyant abilities and may practice activities of the occult or astrology. They usually have on and off relationships in life. You chase people you like. You need intellectual compatibility in a relationship. Very choosy about clothes, friends, vacations and all. Don’t wake them up from sleep, they love sleeping, or alternatively never get enough sleep. You do things smartly, not with hardwork. You may be interested in real-estate. They get into spirituality very young, around 16 when Jupiter matures. They pretend to be more knowledgable than they are in certain areas, might fib. They’re proud of their occult knowledge. Their is a polarity in their personality that everyone sees and what their close friends see. Maybe they’re extroverted outside and very introverted inside. Or maybe they have family issues and never speak about it. Could be anything. Also a polarity in wanting material gains like status, success and money, and wanting liberation and wanting to become spiritual. They keep going back and forth. Also they keep changing their opinions on things. Notice they have good hands too. Also acne and scarring. Terrible tempers, and can be asexual or aromatic, or just don’t like to show that side to themselves. The letter ’t’ may be relevant to them, either in their name, their family, or their spouse. Don’t invoke spirits of the dead please, don’t keep trying to shift realities either, chill. They keep their nails long. People usually don’t know that a native is into occult, as they have a very different outside persona.

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