#i listed these two just to test it out honestly. i still have the original boxes and guidebooks for both of these so i figured it’d be fine

[celaenaeiln]

is the dickbabs romantic relationship always as bad as in Tom Taylor’s run or is it actually enjoyable in other runs? i want to read more of dick’s og nightwing run but ik dickbabs is a recurring thing and i strongly dislike what i’ve seen of it in modern comics (absolutely no offense to anyone who ships it!!)

also sort of related, but have dick and babs really been BFFs since grade school or is that new canon? i remember the initial new 52 run referencing him and babs as on and off but nothing about being childhood besties.

finally- what would you consider to be key dick grayson runs?

Surprisingly Dickbabs is pretty nice to read in other runs. I know this sounds weird coming from someone who hates Dickbabs as a ship but really it's only bad like 85% of the time and the majority of that is because of the Batgirl comics. Batgirl comics treat Dick like shit and it's a losing tossup whether he's treated well in Oracle related comics.

But to get to your point, Dickbabs in Nightwing (1996) was originally pretty good. Tom Taylor's run of Nightwing is the weird one because in every other run you have Dick + relationships whereas in Taylor's you have relationships + Dick. That being said, I highly, highly recommend reading the og one. At one point it does get toxic but Barbara leaves almost immediately after that and aside from that the ship was pretty nice for the most part.

Dick and Barbara have NOT been BFFS since childhood or whatever and this gets on my nerves that Tom Taylor and Hope Larson did that. This is one of the problems I have with the Dickbabs ship. Writers who write them love changing the story to erase Dick's friendships with the Titans. They literally love to pretend Wally, Donna, Roy, and Garth don't exist. BARBARA IS NOT HIS CHILDHOOD BEST FRIEND!! They literally keep deaging her and for what?? First she was like two decades older than him, then she's five years older than him, and now she's the same age?? Just let her be older! Barbara being the same age as Dick makes no sense because it takes away her maturity to turn her into this childish, selfish character she has no business being. She's not even enjoyable when she's deaged this far. I'm still on the she's 5 to 6 years older than Dick canon timeline and there is no way she was childhood besties with him.

The way I picture Dick and Barbara's relationship is this:

DC should've just let it at this, this was peak Dick and Barbara relationship.

Very narrow starting out list but some must read Dick Grayson runs are:

Nightwing (1996) - If you don't feel like reading anything else just read this

Nightwing (2016) - Really good up until Tom Taylor's run

Batman: Gotham Knights - pretty good and lots of cute Tim and Dick!

Titans (1999) - This is a must read if you're not interested in the original Teen Titans comics

Outsiders (2003) - Love him so much in this

JLA/Titans - Important for understanding his relationships with Titans and Batman

Nightwing (2011)

Justice League (2011) Issue #25 and Forever Evil - Same arc

Batman: Prelude to the Wedding: Nightwing vs. Hush

Robin era

Batman - One Bad Day: Mr. Freeze - If you want to skip the medal ages but still want to know what Dick was like as Robin, this comic is all you need to understand his character and personality and beliefs.

Batman Chronicles: The Gauntlet - Dick's gauntlet test!

Robin: Year One - For fun :)

Dick!Bats era

Batman: Battle for the Cowl - To get into Dick's batman

Batman (1940) Issues #682 to #713 - Batman Dick. Incredible. Dick was such a good batman and so fun to read.

Batman and Robin (2009) - Dick and Dami!

Batman: Streets of Gotham - Also Dick and Dami <3

Justice League of America (2006) Issues #41 to #60- Dick leading his own JLA team as Batman! SO FUN!!

Detective Comics (1937) Issue #864 to #881 - Honestly Batman Dick was so good I can't tell if I like Dick more as Nightwing or Batman. Obviously it's better for his mental health if he's nightwing but he just did such a great job as Batman.

Spy era

Grayson - YESSSS. Just everything about this.

Batman and Robin Eternal - It was really good up until near the end but then it got better again

Dark Crisis - Definitely, without a doubt, no question

Additional: The ones above are focused on him but if you finish reading this then Tim's Robin (1993) Comic is a fantastic one. He doesn't appear in every single issue but he appears a lot and it's a lot of Dick and Tim characterization. Also Teen Titans (2003) for more Dick and Titans relationships.

[shadaofallthings]

An Alfabusa Fan's Retrospective

So, lets start out easy with where I started: Like many people it was with "If The Emperor Had A Text To Speech Device". The first few episodes really betray how it all began: A bunch of /tg/ nerds (or at least /tg/ adjacent) fucking around making in lore jokes about how pissed the Emperor would be. You can tell very quickly though that something changed. They stop using slurs by like the 5th episode (or at least real life ones that still are being used to harm people). And then eventually all those bits of "Haha gay people" were recycled into a slow burn, likely gonna be tragic arc of two people who never had a chance to be together falling for each other. And of course, the custodes being given the "Its not cause you are gay, its not even cause you like showing your muscles off, its cause you are an asshole" treatment". It was fun to watch this silly parody turn into a real plot that wanted you to take it at least somewhat serious. It was also honestly pretty touching to see the creators become more aware people and to see things previously used for cheap jokes turn into real drama, instead of just a bunch of jokes where the punchline is a slur. And then there's Hunter the Parenting. See, TTS was in a lot of ways a test run. It might not have been that originally, but it was where a lot of the growth as artists that the crew went through happened. It was also their test run for making things bright and cheery and even fun without qualifier in a grimdark setting. But Hunter the Parenting is what they made with all that knowledge already in the bag. And WOW does it fuckin do it well. Its got action, mystery, intrigue, interpersonal drama, a canon gay couple who are totally not Kitten and Magnus made into normal people and who are canonically gay at each other in the first episode. Its also one giant mess of WoDfans kinda knowing what's happening behind the scenes and the authors making it even more fun when they give us more hints that imply its way bigger than what we began to imagine. There's something for everyone, aside from the homophobes, and that's beautiful in my eyes. And then there's Zero Viscosity. The Halflife Fanfic I didn't know I needed but now am excitedly wanting more of. They got the vibes down perfect, they know more lore than I ever will about that series, and they are having fun with the narrative sandbox that valve constructed for themselves. Its deeply fun to see the differences in perspectives at play between characters, and that punkish vibe of a bunch of weirdos society would reject under any other circumstances slowly finding themselves in situations where heroism is necessary.

Over all, Alfabusa content has been a wild ride where the people behind the name seem genuinely interested in being better people and making better and better work. It shows in the timeline of their work clearly, and I am excited to see where it goes in the future. They are some of the few creatives that can immediately and heavily get me invested in something new before I even see it and its cause they simply do not fucking miss with their core shit, and even when they miss with the peripherals they always try to make up for it. The list of people who can say that in my mind is fucking tiny and they are up there on it.

[nanabansama]

Be Worried for Mitsuba

I've seen a frankly concerning number of people say they expect Mitsuba to be fine after what happened in Chapter 110, and as someone who isn't fully confident he will survive yet, it bothers me a bit! As such, I wanted to bring up a list of reasons why I think Mitsuba could be in danger, and why people might be in for a rude awakening depending on how things shape out.

First, I wanted to bring up something that I don't think a lot of people know about. It's the official tag line for Volume 20.

This is from the Square-Enix website. It says: 「最初でさいごの夜遊び。」

This translates as "Their first and last Night Out."

I don't know about you guys, but this gets my warning bells ringing. It's obviously talking about Kou and Mitsuba's date at the aquarium. So if that was their first and also last one, then...that doesn't sound very reassuring, does it?

Now, a popular theory I've seen going around is that Mitsuba will turn Kou into his yorishiro. And while I think this is a delightful idea, I don't think it will happen.

While yorishiro can take human form, the two cases we've seen (Sumire and Tsukasa) were dead by the time it happened. We don't know if it's possible for it to happen to someone who is still alive!

I also want to direct your attention to the first Clock Keepers arc, when Kou got aged up to around Teru's age.

If you remember, Nene, unlike Kou, was unable to be aged up by Mirai because she had no lifespan left. This basically confirms that Kou will survive until he's in high school, less his fate is changed.

Note that he has no visible yorishiro seal, too.

Now...it's not like he still can't become one! But how likely is it, really? Do we even know if a yorishiro can age? And do we know if someone can stop being a yorishiro? We haven't found a way to get rid of a yorishiro outside of destroying it yet. Tell me, how cheap would it be for Kou to become Mitsuba's yorishiro while facing zero of the consequences?

Honestly, I feel the whole concept of a yorishiro cop-out is a bit cheap, anyway...not that I want Mitsuba to die, but it feels cheesy for him to overcome this by just realizing how important Kou is to him, doesn't it? Couldn't we have done that in the Aquarium arc instead of having this pointless, drawn-out segue?

It seems that for all Mitsuba has done, it just hasn't been enough, tragic as it is. I do believe Mitsuba has found something important to him, or is at least starting to...but it's all too little, too late.

Anyway, has anyone thought about a way for Mitsuba to get out of this situation besides getting a yorishiro? It's worth mentioning that Natsuhiko implied only a school mystery with a yorishiro could survive contact with his cursed blood, but I can't help wondering if there's another option.

Mitsuba's body has a unique constitution, after all. He's a Frankenstein amalgamation of several different weak supernaturals given an identity by the sense of reason taken from the previous Mitsuba.

He falls apart if he doesn't eat. When this happens, he can restore himself by eating supernaturals. He also craves human flesh, which also might be able to heal him, but that obviously hasn't been tested yet.

So here's my question: Could Mitsuba eat enough supernaturals or humans to cure his body of the cursed blood? Would he...try to? It's not like there aren't plenty around him right now...

And then what happens? Even if he only ate the plantlike supernaturals, those were humans. They could've been saved, as proven by when Teru defeated one and restored her back to her human form in Chapter 104. If he hurt any of them, then what would that mean for Mitsuba? And how would Kou react? Just something to think about...

Changing subjects, I think the fact that the original Mitsuba Sousuke's mother is present is interesting, too. I feel like she's incredibly important to the events happening to Mitsuba right now--she's here for a reason, that's for sure. Whether that's anything that'll change his fate or not is another thing.

And just to be clear, while his concern for the previous Mitsuba Sousuke's mother is pretty cute, I don't think it's enough to create a yorishiro out of. Heck, even if he was the first Mitsuba, I don't think his bond with his mother was strong enough to manifest as a yorishiro. (No shade, of course.)

I did point out in my Chapter 110 Spoilers post that she could just be here to watch her son die again, which is an idea I still kind of like. It's a bit poetic, no? Or maybe she will somehow be able to meet him one last time and get closure. I can't say for sure, but I feel like ignoring Mitsuba's mom in this discussion at all is a dangerous pitfall...

In any case, I hope this convinced some of you to start worrying for Mitsuba's life.

Huh? Which Mitsuba, you ask?

Who knows...

[ironwoman359]

Taylor Reads: 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea  

I have to admit, when I first started reading 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea by Jules Verne, I was surprised by how readable it was compared to H.G. Wells’s The Invisible Man, despite being nearly thirty years older. I embarked on my undersea journey with no small amount of optimism then, that despite the length being two to three times greater, I would finish 20,000 Leagues in about the same amount of time as The Invisible Man, if not even a little faster.

Unfortunately, the initial readability of the prose and drama of the narrative set up gave way to long stretches of novel where nothing very interesting happens and we are instead regaled with long lists of different species of fish, mollusk, and other zoophytes that our marine biologist protagonist is excited to study, but I as a modern reader found quite tedious. By the end of the book, I was skipping over entire paragraphs to bypass the fish and get to the next part where a location of note would be visited or an interesting character drama would unfold.  I found a reddit comment that sums up the book perfectly:

[ID: a reddit screenshot of a comment by u/burnaccount_12343 that reads “The book is like 70% fish, 20% fanboying and simping over Nemo, and 10% adventure.” End ID]

I made a post recently about how sometimes to enjoy older books, you have to put yourself in the mindset of someone from that time to truly appreciate them, and I still stand by that statement, but there’s another aspect that I forgot to consider as well: often, old genre fiction was serialized before it was published as a single novel. Trying to push through the entire 300+ pages of this book in one week was at many times a slog, but the original audience had bits and pieces of the story drip fed to them over 15 months, and if I take that into consideration, the repetitive lists of locations and fish are slightly more forgivable. Still, I can’t ignore the fact that I found large swathes of this book boring at best and frustrating at worst. 

Frustrating, because the parts that weren’t just a biology textbook in the guise of a novel were extremely interesting, and I wish that more of the narrative focus had been on the interplay between our four main characters. The setup here is really strong, and I think that it’s a huge part of why the story has endured for so long. I genuinely am finding myself thinking about the characters when I’m not reading the book, and just like The Invisible Man, there were many parts that were genuinely poignant.

However, I find myself at a loss on what rating to give this book, because while I can appreciate the parts that I enjoyed, and can appreciate the way its original readers would have enjoyed it (to say nothing of the political metaphors and references that went over my head as I am not a historian or literary expert), reading this book often felt more like a chore than it did leisure. For me, 3 stars is the lowest rating I’ll give a book that I still thought was ‘good,’ or at the very least, good enough that any problems I might have had with the book didn’t detract too significantly from my enjoyment. Often, a 3 star book for me is a somewhat generic ya fantasy, a cozy mystery without a super compelling mystery plot, or a book that I should have really liked, but had some problems in the execution. 

But with 20,000 Leagues, I feel as though my enjoyment was impacted to the point of non enjoyment, making me want to dip below the line and give the book a 2.5 out of 5 stars. And yet, that seems incredibly unfair, both for how this book has stood the test of time and for how much I enjoy the version of it that exists in my head, which is more than can be said for any other book I’ve given below 3 stars. I gave The Invisible Man 3.5 stars, and I wonder now if that was too high and the true answer is that both of these books were 3 stars for different reasons. 

(Honestly, regardless of whether I give Leagues 2.5 or 3 stars, I think I may knock Invisible Man down from 3.5 to 3; the extra half star was a result of how strong I found the ending in the moment, but now a week and a half removed from it, the ending is pretty much the only part I still think about. This indecision is precisely why I do not fill out my physical book journal until the end of every month, by the by.)

[ronanceautistic]

It has been two years since my first fic was posted on AO3! So here's some fun fact about some of the fics I've posted.

southern nights: I wrote this the night after my grandma died lol. It feels a little obvious.

hounds of love: This was the third fic I posted, but the first fic I wrote.

Jig of Life: It was supposed to be much longer, but I got hit with writers block bad. I do wanna maybe do a rewrite of it at some point because I think it had potentially but was just lacking a bit.

A Promise That I'll Keep: A detail I only vaguely implied at is Robin's method of getting Nancy into the storm cellar - using a literal lead - hence why she got bitten.

blinded by the light: I do very often forget this fic even exists but I still love the comparison of grief to nuclear bomb testing LMAO. It's mental but I think it works surprisingly well.

I'm not here: Nancy's fate was decided on a blind Twitter poll - option a she lives, option b she dies. It got around 50ish votes (I can't remember the exact number), and her fate came down to one vote. Ironically, the vote I made on the nancybot account at the very beginning of the poll, is the one that saved her life. Nancy literally saved her own life in real life.

let my love open the door: Here are the invitation cards to the ten year reunion they attended!

the dream catcher: The concept began with the poems at the beginning of each chapter. The story developed from them.

she knows where she's taking me: This is the full route they took from the Denver QZ to Lenora

the stars, the moon: This day was originally conceptualised in the Grosse Point Blank AU, in that universe it's the day Nancy runs away from home. But in this fic, Robin shows up in time to stop her. And, I mean, thank fuck she did considering how her life turned out in the original fic.

we were younger: I list them in the end notes of the fic, but so much of this fic parallels canon Stranger Things, and I'm honestly impressed with myself how many connections I managed to fit in there.

what about crying whales: Aquarium is real life accurate thanks to a video tour of the New England Aquarium.

I just want to live in the moment: Not just in this fic, but I tend to write Nancy angst one shots in the present tense. I just like the feeling of time being fleeting, nothing being set in stone. It feels less like a story and more like inner dialogue.

call me when you get home: I was in a really bad place when I wrote this one, so the ending was a lot of wishful thinking for myself. OCD waxes and wanes, but it's fun to say that since writing it, I've felt the ending for myself.

tell me something about yourself: I really really like the concept of this one and honestly have never heard of any piece of media doing something like it before. So a lot of it was purely experimental, seeing if it even could be done well.

trapped between two lungs: It blows my mind that I even pulled this off, and blows my mind even more how positive the reception was. It was so much work, so much planning. Season 5 of this fic is undoubtedly the thing I'm most proud of. I wrote the entire final season of Stranger Things and I've had multiple people tell me the actual show couldn't possibly do it better? That's mental. Thank you so much.

Anyways here's to two more years.

[derekscorner]

Fated Rantings: The Grandest of Orders

Truly a grand epic

I don't know where to begin honestly. I thought that I would have it figured out once I had seen the anime but I don't. I started FGO nearly two years ago I believe after watching some Fate lore videos.

It was the free way to start but probably not the easiest starting point for the series. I have actually been clawing my way through the game as I watched all the other Fate works I could get a hold of.

If you were to look through my Fate posts you'll see that the first one is about Apocrypha and Astolfo even though that wasn't my true starting point.

But I grind no longer! Last month I finally finished the Solomon singularity on the mobile game and the night before last I finished the anime! And I'll admit that I didn't expect the anime of FGO would be that good.

I say that because despite the anime having three movies, a few specials, and a twenty something long anime it's not the full story. There is no logical way to fit FGO's initial story into an anime.

You'd have to commit to years with each singularity being an anime unto itself. So I say this again to warn you, you can not see the full story just through the anime alone.

This anime project they created is very much a companion piece to it's mobile origin. It is not like Fate Stay Night which has it's original visual novel version with various anime adaptions.

This is probably the one case in which a Fate project isn't a thing unto itself. You could watch it and research FGO to understand what's going on but I promise you that the emotional weight of the story will be halved that way.

Although, I guess you could read someone's long play of FGO on youtue if you wanted but good luck. FGO is practically a visual novel hidden within a gacha game.

Mashu Kyrielight

But enough of the warnings and intro, where do I begin? Why with the best kouhai in the world of course!

She's your main servant for this story and she's the one that bounces off the characters the most due to your insert character being silent in the game.

She does this less in the anime due to the PoV character being given a personality but I still consider her interactions more important. This poor girl is a test tube baby made with a woefully short lifespan for a specific purpose.

As a result of this origin and upbringing the poor girl is quiet and reserved. Her greatest desire is to just see a blue fucking sky. Do you know how tragic that is?

Chaldea resides in the Antarctic. The facility has windows but that area of the world will be lucky to see a clear sky one day a year. On top of all that her room is hilariously sterile with nothing but a glass roof and walls so that she can be observed.

These things aren't done to torment her, for that to be a thing Chaldea would have to see her as a person. No, it's done because they wanted her as blank a state as possible for their demi-servant experiments.

An experiment that goes bad quickly. They successfully summon and bond her to a servant but the servant is so appalled by what Chaldea has done that it immediately tries to kill the Chaldea Director Marisbury Animusphere.

This is only averted because Mash herself resists. From that moment on the servant, who turns out to be the knight Galahad, refuses to awaken. Considered a failure despite it being beyond her control, Mash is then kept around just because.

She chosen as a master candidate since she had the potential but for the most part Mash was seen as a dud by Chaldea.

Why is this important?

I'm not rambling for the sake of recapping. I want you to understand just how pure a soul this girl is. She doesn't hold grudges against people, she doesn't wish evil upon anyone, despite all of what I just listed.

That's why I find her interactions through FGO both in the game and anime more interesting than the main characters. She reacts to things in a pure and naïve way but never in an annoyingly naïve way.

She even explains why she calls your character or others "senpai". I mean, sure it's for the people that take the self insert too seriously. It's a gacha, it's Fate, let's not fool ourselves here, those people are appealed too.

But the other reason is that her life left is short and she's never left Chaldea before to experience life. To her, everyone is her "senior in life". It's silly but I also found it sad despite the story wanting me to find it sweet.

I found myself genuinely attached to this character in a sense.

I know I should provide better examples but FGO is so long that it's hard to really. I even mentioned her interactions with characters a second ago but I can't pick one that I like more than the other.

I talked about her dynamic with Lancelot in the Camelot posts but that's more to do with how Galahad views Lancelot (his father) which influences Mash.

I don't want to list the MC because they're a self insert. The dynamic between the two in the anime is good but Ritsuka himself is a bit bland so I can't exactly pick it apart.

Or perhaps I can't focus on a specific one because I liked all of them both animated and in mobile. She's a precious lil soul and I loved to see it.

Everything from her trying her best to be a servant in the Fuyuki singularity to her sacrifice against Goetia. Hell, I loved watching her fan girl over meeting Sherlock.

She's remarkably human for someone who thinks she isn't.

^ Both versions of this scene actually put a tear in my eye

Before I unintentionally make this a post about Mash I'll switch gears and talk about other characters in the Chaldean cast.

Such as our point of view character Ritsuka Fujimaru. The male version is referred to as Gudao by fans and the female Gudako respectively.

In terms of the mobile game I don't have anything to say, they're silent, self insert characters in the purest sense of the word. In the Type-Moon spin-off Carnival Phantasm the female is used in FGO skits.

I've yet to see Carnival Phantasm so I'll have to leave it out but it's worth mentioning that the female Gudako does have an animated self.

Instead, I'll focus on the male Gudao used for the FGO anime. Unlike my smartass PoV character or the unhinged Gudako from the spin-off this Fujimaru is given a very "simple" personality.

Not in the sense that they're stupid or slow on the uptake. They just do not flesh him out as much as they could due to his silent hero origins.

I find it a shame that they didn't but unlike many Fate fans I've seen I do not find this offensive either.

When they're bouncing off Mash the duo is as cute as can be but any other time Fujimaru will have a very optimistic or overly nice personality and that will either rub you the wrong way or it won't.

The only time this persona truly breaks down is when Mash falls against Goetia and he's ready to fucking throw down.

I'll even go out on a limb and say that Fujimaru does a few things well despite what I've just said. Sure, the fondness servants have for him is...uh something especially in the anime with his goddess count.

But I did see what the writers were doing. Fujimaru isn't some grand mage with a lineage nor any special powers. All versions of Fujimaru is literally just a normal person that somehow got to Chaldea after seeing a job ad.

However that is the point. In many Type-Moon works it'll boil down to a human vs a godlike or monstrous force. Fujimaru is that in the purest since.

I may joke but it makes sense for the goddess to be fond of him in the anime because he represents what a human should be and despite what the gods of Fate say they do love humans.

I'll even throw my hat into the conspiracy theorist ring and say that Gilgamesh's own inclinations toward aiding Fujimaru is due to this human fondness.

In his mind, the age of gods should be ended by the people of his era. He thinks the ordeal as a whole should be dealt with by human hands.

And despite everything Fujimaru has done that, six times over, seven once Tiamat is stopped. Again, I won't argue that FGO isn't pandering to a certain type of person but I do think our MC does right in those moments as well.

It's a normal human that convinces the goddess to turn on Tiamat, it is a normal human that fist fights with Goetia as the world is about to end, it is a normal human by nothing but the virtue of their choices that stopped Solomon's incineration of humanity.

I wish Fujimaru was given a bit more of a personality in the anime but I do see what they were going for and I can appreciate it.

Da Mona Vinci

Another Chaldean character that will grow on you in any version is Da Vinci. Why is Da Vinci a girl? Funny thing, there is no magical, logical, or even "fuck it" logic for the changed gender. Da Vinci likes beautiful things and made themselves as you see after becoming a servant.

How? I have no clue. I just find it funny that they chose the Mona Lisa as their appearance because that's a pinnacle of beauty to them. So yes, even in Fate Da Vinci was a man in life but as a servant she remade herself into her own painting which I find hilarious.

It's a testament to how silly Da Vinci actually is. She's every bit the genius she's reputed to be and can be serious and responsible quite reliably. In fact, you could argue that she's the most reliable adult there given that the only other options are Romani and what's left of the staff.

You sadly see little of her in action in the anime save for the Camelot films due to her role as a support but what scenes she gets in the anime never disappoint.

To be honest I'm not sure if she even has to stay in the command room or if she does so simply due her responsible nature of keeping it running or keeping Romani on task. The sixth singularity is the only time she really sneaks off to join you on a mission.

I also love how some of her inventions are just nods to old blueprints Da Vinci made in life. Like her vehicle she's so proud of or the small flying machine that hangs from her offices ceiling.

One of her weapons for combat is a literal fuck you gauntlet that just hits really hard. Da Vinci is a caster, that's equivalent to giving a bard a shotgun. The gauntlet even has a press like thing that makes it hit harder. Similar to when you see the mech from Big 0 finish off a monster.

By far her greatest feat is being the one being to earn even half of Romani's trust which is only seen in the final moments of the final singularity.

It's hinted that they're close or that she knows more throughout the whole story but you don't really see the gravity of that until Romani reveals himself. Speaking of which....

Romani Archaman

This fucker right here....he's shockingly complex? For most of FGO he seems like a silly and usually unreliable man but not a bad one. he genuinely cares about Mash when most do not and it is only by luck that he survives the initial bombing due to meeting Fujimaru while slacking off from work.

If you play the game you'll even learn that he's a fan of an idol called "Magi⭐Mari" whom I just learned was actually Merlin....which is a quandary that I'll save for later.

What makes him complex enough to discuss is his conflicting nature. He's the type to observe or run away despite seeing the gravity of something yet all it takes for him to take action is to see someone doing their best.

I would say that most of this is a façade but that'd be a half truth I think. He's genuinely this silly and clueless to some social cues but he is that way for a good reason....which is spoilers.

I'm going to spoil it so if you're some rare person who hasn't played FGO before this is your hint to skip ahead.

Solomon

The truth is that Romani is Solomon, the king of magecraft. The inventor of summoning magic, the last great king of a united Jewish kingdom.

More importantly, he fits into what you could call monstrous or inhuman. He had God's blessings and a miracle but he didn't really do anything with them.

Not for any morally or religious reasons, rather Solomon claims to have not had the freedom to do so. He wasn't free to be mad at humanities bullshit like Goetia was.

He didn't truly long for anything, he didn't truly live. Once he helped Marisbury win a grail war he simply wished to be human but even that was denied him in a way.

Right before Romani lost Solomon's clairvoyance he saw one last future of humanity going extinct. So now Romani felt compelled to work to stop that but fully lacking the powers Solomon had.

This is what makes Romani who he is. He was human for ten years but he says things he shouldn't and misses social cues among other things that come off as him being silly or somewhat introverted.

He just lacks the common sense as it were. You can't expect an inhuman being to just adapt instantly to the modern world in ten years. Especially when he was secretly using that time to stop his premonition.

The only person he truly opened up to was Da Vinci and I think that is due to how she is and her nature as a servant. She was summoned to Chaldea which would make her easier to trust than people within Chaldea who had been there years and possibly as sleeper agents.

Which is only more true when you realize that his other "friend" Lev truly was a sleeper agent. The anime movie glosses over it but Goetia actually planted it's 72 demon gods into the genetics of bloodlines.

One day Lev quite literally just became aware of his true nature.

I'd even argue that Romani took such a stance of being Mash's personal doctor because he identifies with her to a degree. She is denied being truly human and he finds that tragic.

In an odd sense, Goetia also identifies with Mash for that same reason. Both Romani and Goetia pity her for her life but while Romani is trying to make her as comfortable as he can with human experiences Goetia wishes to turn that into hatred.

Because both Romani and Goetia were forged from Solomon's inhuman behavior.

And it's tragic to know that even when truly human Solomon could not enjoy his time. Romani never got to live as he wished too and that's tragic in of itself.

Gonna have to make this into two parts

This has gotten a bit long. I expected it would since I had always planned to meld my impressions from FGO's game and mobile but there is way too much to put into written form.

Even what I end up having will be a fraction I think due to how long it's taken to beat Solomon's arc in the game and watch the anime.

That said, if you read this then by all means click my link below. I should have part two there by the time you find it.

P.S. A final bit of FGO lore for you. If you thought Romani and Da Vinci were cute or like an old married couple in a few scenes then relish in the fact that their japanese voice actors are married. Byeee~

========================

For my other experiences with Fate go here: https://derekscorner.tumblr.com/tagged/fated-rantings

[olderthannetfic]

https://olderthannetfic.tumblr.com/post/733536361807806464/you-know-what-medical-pet-peeve-i-kind-understand

To "answer" the first point: I know why it's a requirement, that's why I started of with "I kind understand it but I still find it stupid and hate it." I could have made it clearer that I know exactly why, but I didn't want to spend too much time on it. But to elaborate, when I was told about the requirement to take birth control, I also got an entire 10 page A4 pamphlet with every side effect and explanation as to what to expect, and what/why I'd need to do, and why I'd need to take birth control. I understood the reasoning they gave, but I also found it dumb because I'm just not in the "risk" category because I simply do not engage in any activities that could result in a pregnancy, nor would I have an interest in carrying one out if it still magically happened. Sorry Jesus 2.0. Also, I'm not in the US, and where I am abortions are legal and accessible.

As to the IUD thing. The dermatologists I spoke to, two of them, said that even if I did use a IUD I'd still be required to take birth control because it might fall out, and they also said that it's an issue of them having to prescribe the birth control together with the Isotretinoin. Basically the birth control and the acne medicine would have to be prescribed by the same doctor as a confirmation that I'm not doing it without birth control, and since they don't do IUD's it wouldn't "count" even if it was a valid option, which it isn't. No clue what happens if another doctor already prescribes a patient Birth control.

As to just not taking the birth control, I actually don't know what they'd do if you don't take the birth control, best case they don't care, worst case they might just deny me from getting the medicine I actually want I guess. I also don't know if the piss test also covers checking for the birth control, what I do know is that it tests for pregnancy, and you also get a blood test to test the liver status. Idk what more it does, I don't remember everything from the pamphlet.

There were no notes on what happens if you still get pregnant even if you're on the BC, I'm guessing you'd be taken off Isotretinoin. Not sure, didn't ask, I'm not planning on getting pregnant so it wasn't a question on my mind.

Also since I'm already talking about the pamphlet. If you are a woman, a person with an uterus, or are listed as female like on your birth certificate, you have to take birth control. Which was kinda funny because it seems to cover everyone except cis men. Menopause, transmen, even if you've had your tubes tied/hysterectomy you'd have to take it. And trans women, though I'm not sure if that was just a "cover our asses" and you don't actually have to take it if you have medical proof of being a transwoman.

It's honestly just very frustrating because I understand the reasoning, but it also makes people like me completely unable getting a treatment which could help me with a giant insecurity and give me a quality of life upgrade, just because I can't take birth control without giant side effects that could make my life much worse. Just because some people decided to fuck around and find out. It feels kinda like I'm being punished and forced towards a basically impossible choice, because of the dumb choices of others.

You know, just because some people are dumb, they ruin it for everyone who's not dumb.

TMI originally I took birth control to try and fix my skin, which is why I know the side effects on my body and stopped. I remember at some point in my teens my insecurity was so bad, and my mental health, if I had been given the information of this medication that could help me and then been basically told that I can't take it unless I again take a medication that I know causes me so much pain and I think I might have done something to myself. Like I mentioned when using birth control I had "bloating, nausea, periods , weight fluctuation, itchy for some reason, one even made me leak and then my breasts got so badly inflamed wearing a shirt was agony..." to add and explain it made my periods worse, including cramping and instead of helping with my skin it actually made that worse. I have no idea why birth control made me itchy but it also ended up with me constantly have welts all over my body because I kept scratching, maybe it somehow made me my skin more sensitive and "thin". I tried a few birth controls because my doctor back then tried to find one that worked, and none of them did.

--

You could be allergic to anything in the pills from the actual hormones to the dyes, though this description does sound like online descriptions of reactions to synthetic progesterone. Very annoying.

[trippygalaxy]

Your writing on Twilight, wild and time with a sleepwalker their reader is amazing!!

Is it okay to request a separate headcanon on four,sky and legend??

Ah geez, thank you!!! ☺️ but yes you may!

Pairing: Four, Sky, Legend x gn!reader (separately) Warnings: None Part 1 Part 3

Sky

Another worrier but is a lot more mellow with his concerns

He'll like to talk over everything with you and make a mental list of things he should and shouldn't do when it comes to waking you up.

The last thing Sky wants to do it cause any distress to you!

Sky is very much a cuddler and tends to wrap himself around your whilst you two slept. This meant that most days you actually couldn't really...sleep "walk" more like...sleep gesture.

Whoever is on night watch can see you flopping/wiggling your arms in Sky's tight hold while your hands gesture widely. It's very amusing to watch

Somehow Sky doesn't wake up even as your practical break dancing in his hold, which is somewhat concerning?? but that's a different topic for another day.

Despite this, some nights you do manage to break from his hold (which honestly? respect) and scroll around the the area as you pleased!

Now, most people would think that Sky would sleep through your sleepy escape but surprisingly Sky is quick to take notice of the lack of warmth and comfort he's know to expect.

So if the nightly watch hadn't stopped or brought you back to camp, expect a very panic but sleepy Sky to be rushing after you to keep you safe <3

Four

Is still concerned about your well being but honestly, he's kinda more interested in your nightly habits

Now! When I say this I don't mean that Four is glossing over the risks/concerns he has and is experimenting on ya-- he obviously has a nice sit down with you when the topic is brought up and makes sure that all ya'll ducks are in a row!

If you want, he can forge something to make sure you stay in one place whilst you slept. "You want to put me in shackles?" "NO! NOT SHACKLES---"

Four certainly has quite a few questions for you! I mean, you're the first person he's met that actually sleepwalks! That's bound to bring up a butt load of questions!

He'll obviously back down if you're uncomfortable with his questions and apologize for coming off as rude!

BUT if you are willing to answer, his eyes light up like the fourth of july (or the hyilan equivalent!) as he pulls out a note pad.....When tf did he have a note pad??

His questions tend to range from..."When did you start sleeping walking" to "what base instincts do you retain in your sleep?"

...While...testing one of his theories. You may or may not have clocked Four in the face...As an 'instinct'

Safe to say, yall experiments were shut down immediately afterwards

Legend

Mind immediately goes to worst case scenario!! Blood pressure is through the roof at the thought of something happening to you during the night

Legend starts rambling off questions, some that even took Time off guard for a moment.

"Are you cursed?! Is it some sort of spell? What deity did you piss off!" "Are you some secret night guardian thing? OR A GOLEM?! ARE YOU A GOLEM?!"

It's best for everyone if you cut Legend off from his anxious rambling cause if not...He's gonna go on for quite a while

might give himself some grey hairs too while he's at it!

Now, your origins of your sleepwalking doesn't matter too much (if its a curse than it does but just go along with it!) cause Legend will treat you the same no matter what

He will offer up any items or options that he has that might help with your nightly habits!

Being the hoarder he is, he has quite a few elixirs that will entice you into a magical slumber. His train of thought is that maybe you're not getting enough deep sleep or can't slip into that state alone!

Legend also has some items that do similar effects if you're not comfortable ingesting potions along those lines!

[yoditorian]

Lacuna - The Rewrite - Part 2

din/gn!reader

i split the original chapter into two upon rewriting, which is why the second half is missing

original part 2//series masterlist//main masterlist

word count: 3.1k // warnings: some swears, too many italics, that's literally it tho, still 18+ no babies

“-wiped out, no one survived.”

“Well, someone did.”

They’re arguing, still. And you’ve been delivered five meals since being directed into the small office for questioning. So it’s been at least a day, almost two. Probably. The voices in the hall fade, they must be off to discuss your situation with someone who might be able to make the decision. They’ve already searched you and your pack - already confirmed you’re not a spy for the Empire - so what’s the hold up?

You don’t hear a set of footsteps approaching the door, too wrapped up in your own anxieties about what might happen if they don’t let you in. Which is probably why you jump half a foot in your chair when the door slides open. It reveals a woman, dark hair and sharp features, deep green flight suit tied at her waist. She’s pretty, although she’s clearly not sure what to make of you just yet as she eyes the binders at your wrists.

“What do you do?” She asks, arms folded as she leans against the doorframe. You don’t answer straight away, not sure if it might be some kind of test, but at least she doesn’t look overly annoyed that she has to repeat her question to get an answer.

“Pilot, mechanic, fucking janitor - whatever, honestly.” 

“Triple threat,” Her voice is even, but she’s fighting a smile that gives her away immediately. Not a test, then. “What kind of experience you got?”

Shara has to admit that the rumours of a surviving member of the Corellian spy ring had piqued her interest. Jet fuel runs in the blood there, it’s a safe bet that whoever the generals had spent the better part of forty eight hours grilling has more than enough experience to hop straight into a starfighter. And with heavy losses in recent months, pilots are something the Rebellion is desperately short on. 

So she isn’t shocked when you start listing every planetside transport, every planet hopper, cargo freighter, gunship, and starfighter you’ve ever worked on or flown. The list is extensive, impressive honestly. It dwarfs the experience of many of her colleagues, and Shara can’t help the thrum of excitement in her veins. Not only are you an experienced pilot, but you’re a mechanic - a scrapper, the rebels need more scrappers. Too many politicians, too many people who are far too used to having every resource in the galaxy at their disposal. It’s a glimmer of hope, she realises, in a night becoming all too dark for anyone’s liking.

“So, you can fly anything?” Shara asks, no longer hiding the wide grin on her face.

“Anything.”

You’ll fit right in, she decides - there and then.

And you do, you slot in like you’ve lived your whole life orbiting Yavin.

They drill you like there’s no tomorrow, you’ve got the deep muscle aches to prove it but it’s thrilling. Your back hurts and it’s everything you ever wanted it to be. Where the Corellian spy ring was all sneaking and secrets, the Rebel base on Yavin IV is a full scale production. Every daylight hour is spent running the same manoeuvres in the main four fighters - before you know it, you could fly any one of them with your eyes closed. Despite the pain and the exhaustion and the repetitive nature of the training, you love it. But you’ve got your eyes on the prize.

A coveted position in one of the primary starfighter squadrons has conveniently opened up, its previous placeholder reassigned, and you’re not the only one who’s sure that the fourth bunk in Green Squadron’s barracks has your name on it.

“I know I don’t see you coming for my track time.” Shara Bey’s voice is loud and clear over the buzz of the hangar, and you can’t keep the smile off your face despite the ache deep in your bones.

“Maybe I am, are you finally gonna do something about it?”

Shara launches herself at you the moment you set your datapad down, a boisterous laugh echoing off the ships. You’re steadily climbing the ranks in training, the years of experience already under your belt make you more confident in the cockpit than the other new recruits and you’re not afraid to pull a stunt or two. A flawless dead drop recovery had earned more than a few nods of approval from some of the qualified pilots. Although the Commander overseeing the recruit training made it clear that it was definitely what landed you with patrol maintenance duty on top of your usual drills in the first place.

“I talked to Draven.” She says, and your stomach flips. You’re leaps and bounds ahead of the other recruits, for sure, but nobody seems to want to sign off on your training. There’s always something about required hours or simulation times or more drills. You’re starting to get the feeling that, while you’ve got enough support from your would-be colleagues, no one in command wants you in the air at all.

“I told you I would!”

“I know, I know. But look, if I ask it’s more like an endorsement.”

“Shara-” You’re talking over one another, but not missing a single word. It’s a talent that leaves the commanding officers astounded more often than not.

“He said he’d think about it, which in command language means no-” 

“Tell me there’s a but.”

“But,” She grins widely, “He told me if you get this next info grab done, he’ll put in a good word with my commanders. And my commanders know I’m not going in the air unless you’re at my nine o’clock.”

Shara’s been far more welcoming than just about everyone since the moment she’d rocked up to your interrogation room and asked about your experience. And, over the moon to find you wandering around the halls and out of the binders, she’d spent the whole of your first night curled up in your bunk in the recruit barracks - recounting every little bit of drama she could think of. By the morning, you know who was dating who, who wasn’t happy about it, which crews were rivals, and which held the fastest course runs. Hers, obviously . 

You weren’t as forthcoming with your own journey, only mentioning that you’d run with some rebels for a while on your home planet, made a few detours along the way - she didn’t seem too surprised, and you wondered how much of that she knew already. Ran’s voice, still, in the back of your mind reminding you that everybody has an agenda . But her eyes were so open, so kind, you’ve yet to see that slip. Shara Bey might be the first genuinely good person you’ve ever met.

“And Kes’s crew is due to swing by tomorrow, in case you’ve changed your mind.” She winks, although she already knows you well enough to know you won’t take her up on the offer.

It had come up that first night, somewhere along the way, when she’d started lamenting about the pitiful state of the dating pool. Not something she had to worry about anymore, thank God, but a nightmare nowadays if you were after anyone who didn’t have history with someone in their own crew. She was happy to get her boyfriend to set you up with one of his friends - Pathfinders, never on base long enough to establish a history with anyone, fine enough to pass the time, and strong enough to manhandle you a little. If that’s what you’re into. 

You’d still been a little wary of sharing too many details about your history, something about how you weren’t interested muttered in the dark over the quiet breathing of the other new recruits. You could only tell her that you didn’t expect to see him again. He’d gone home, you didn’t even know where home was. She’d understood, with an arm around your shoulders and an attentive ear if you ever wanted to share more, although she made it clear that the offer of a muscular pair of emotionally unattached Pathfinder arms was always open.

It’s close to a year since you got scooped up by their spies for asking about the Rebellion, but Shara’s never failed to make it seem like much longer. Like you’ve been best friends, sharing lunches and secrets on the landing pad in the shade of her A-Wing for your whole lives. Even now, she’s looking at you like she knows you - backwards, forwards, sideways, inside out. Truth be told, she kind of does. It’s a closeness you’re sure you’ve never had with anyone, and you know you wouldn’t give it up for anything.

“Someone came here last week having never left his planet before and they put him on the training roster. You’ve logged more flight time than any recruit I’ve ever seen and we didn’t even have to teach you in the first place. I know you’re Draven’s golden child, but he can’t keep you on the ground forever, kid.”

“You can’t call me ‘kid’, I’m older than you.” You laugh, shoving her shoulder with your own.

“You’re ruining the moment.” She winks, pressing a kiss to your temple before she waves at a commander calling her name and makes her way to her ship.

The datapad beeps a reminder from its resting place on your tool trolley, you need to pack for your intel grab. It shouldn’t be a long trip, Draven had assured you, a simple in and out: information in exchange for protection and transport to the base. Protection and transport optional. He makes the hard decisions, you’ve learned during your time running the smaller missions for intelligence. The more important runs get given to rebels like Cassian Andor and the group of mercs you’d seen filing into the command room a few days ago. It was an odd combination, seeing people like that somewhere like this, and you know you shouldn’t have stared but you couldn’t help yourself. Weapons strapped to every empty space on each body, armour and clothes on a number of species from all across the galaxy. One of them had looked jarringly like you, although you hadn’t really gotten a good look at their face before they’d disappeared.

Just this mission, and you’d be in the air next week. Hopefully. It’s enough to get your feet moving towards the barracks to pack.

You only need the basics, a change of clothes and some medkit refills. Just in case. Except there’s still an empty space when you zip it shut, sitting heavy between your neatly folded shirts and the top of the bag, and you keep looking at your blanket. It gets cold in hyperspace, a voice in the back of your mind pipes up, and you decide that’s good enough reason as any to fold it in alongside your supplies. It smells solidly of the clean soap of your bedsheets, his scent - Din’s scent, a mix of metal and warmth - had faded before you even plucked up the courage to go looking for the Rebellion, all those months ago. You still hold it to your nose for a moment, just to check, before it too gets folded and laid in the top of your pack.

Now you’re ready.

Din isn’t overly fond of Nevarro. It’s not an unbearable heat, the dry plains are to thank for that, but he’s not a fan of days where the wind picks up and carries the sulphur of the lava fields under the lip of his helmet. The covert welcomed him back, more or less with open arms - though he’s not sure if their ever-dwindling numbers might have had anything to do with the warm reception. He hadn’t let them go without a cut of his pay for every job he’d done for Ran, always sending something back to the foundlings, so at least he hadn’t totally abandoned them. The Armourer decided he should be their beroya , their bounty hunter, and within days he found himself tracking a quarry in a system he’d never heard of. It was easy, really, to take the skills he’d garnered all his life and apply them to this. Paz had laughed with the familiarity of an old friend and told him that if a skinny thing like Din was their beroya , they were all fucked. So at least no one was openly angry that he’d left them.

The guild rep slides a puck across the table, metal scraping against the stone, and the blue hologram flickers. The human man staring back at him is unassuming, but the notes suggest otherwise. A former senator’s assistant, with strong connections to both the Empire and the Rebellion. Din nods, flicking the puck off and tucking it into his pocket without another word.

His loyalty is to the covert, to the Mandalorians. It always has been and it always will be. This is the way. But one mention of the Rebellion has his mind surging back to thoughts of you. Everything in his life seems to. Every time he sets foot on the Crest all he can see is you, bent double with your head in an access panel and a greasy rag tucked into the back of your pants. He’d see the sun and remember how you always used to turn your face to it, just for a moment, whenever the team ran jobs planetside. You’d never told him where you came from, but Ran had let bits and pieces slip over the years. In the looming shadow of the Razor Crest, Din wonders if you ever made it off the station. If you decided to drop everything and find the rebellion, the way you said you would when you were half asleep on his chest, your mind fucked out and hazy. He hopes you did.

The tracking fob brings him to a semi populated planet, somewhere near the border of the Unknown Regions. Vast swathes of land and water are completely uncolonised, left to nature, only a few cities dotted here and there over the whole planet. The bounty is evidently in possession of some brains, having chosen a mid-sized city to get lost in, and Din is almost disappointed that he knows it won’t take long. Wishes he’d picked a different puck, a little further away. Just to keep his mind occupied and out of more dangerous territories.

He stays vigilant, but pays no mind to the beeping of the fob on his belt. He can steal a moment, he thinks, to take in the area. To live the life of some extravagant explorer in his mind while he does a little recon, the life he might have led before it was cruelly snatched away in seconds on Aq Vetina. The last thing he expects to see when he walks into that crumbling little cantina is you.

Din spins on his heel and is out of the door almost as soon as he enters, slipping down the alley to the side of the building to catch his breath. He’s fairly sure you don’t notice - but his mind is reeling, echoes of the vows he swore as a child and the Armourer’s words swirl in his ears.

His loyalty is to the covert. His loyalty is to the covert. His loyalty is to the covert. 

But he only sees you. The way you always had time for him back on the station, how you told the others where they could shove it but always gave him a smile. You went above and beyond to help him without complaint when he asked, only ever got snippy with him when someone else had pissed you off first. He still remembers the way you felt in his hands, how you sounded, how you tasted. He still thinks about it on quiet nights, more often than he should. This is not the place to remember, there’ll be time for that later, although his body needs another minute to be completely convinced.

All he feels is guilt, once the blood comes back up to his brain. Guilt over the covert, over his vows and his creed and his people. But what’s more convincing is the guilt he has over you. Over how he just walked away, left you sleeping, and took the ship you’d spent months working on. Even if you were the one who told him to take it. You’re beautiful, still. Of course you are, you always have been to him. 

You notice when he walks in this time.

The sunlight streaming in from a window catches on the glass of his visor and your heart jumps into your throat. You don’t know if he’s spotted you yet, as he takes a seat at a table by the door angled away from you. Logically, you’d say it could be any Mandalorian. But you spent countless hours studying the way he moves, you had to know his gait to know if walking around a corner would get you killed or not. It almost had on more than one occasion. You could recognise his footsteps anywhere.

The untrained eye would think him relaxed, as relaxed as a man in head to toe armour can be, but you know better. There’s a tension in his shoulders, the same he used to get when Xi’an made another move on him with that grating giggle or Qin handled a blaster too roughly. His hand sits on his thigh, fingers splayed, ready to find the smooth contours of his blaster at any moment. Ever the soldier, never quite at ease. Apart from the last time you thought you’d ever see him, it seemed.

He leaves before you’re even done with your drink, sitting there for barely five minutes when he throws a couple of credits on the table for a drink he didn’t buy and stalks out. You sigh and down the rest of your drink, hoping it’ll quell the nausea rising in your stomach. It doesn’t, but you follow him out all the same.

You’re sure you were right behind him, weaving through the slowly emptying streets as the sun sets and the chill of the night begins to settle in, but now he’s nowhere to be found. Until you feel a set of eyes land heavily on your shoulders. You turn, slowly, and catch a glimpse of where he ducked into a narrow alley. The city’s full of them, but you’re certain he hadn’t been there when you passed it.

A long moment passes when you’re swallowed by the shadow of the buildings towering either side of you, a moment where he just watches you. You can’t deny you’re watching him too, carefully surveying his armour for new nicks and scrapes. There’s more than you’d like to admit to caring about.

“What are you doing here?” He breaks the silence, the tension, first. You shrug. 

“Working, what are you doing here?”

Din holds a small round disk in his palm, arm stretching out towards you as the holo flickers to life and you’re faced with your contact for the intel drop.

“Working.”

Fuck.

And that’s when a really, really bad idea starts to take shape.

i don't have access to my old taglist forms anymore so feel free to message or drop me an ask if you want to be tagged in future :)

[wonderfulworldofmichaelford]

Is It Really That Bad?

Grease is a delightfully corny musical filled with 50s nostalgia (mostly the good kind) and helped shoot the careers of John Travolta and Olivia Newton John to new heights. There’s a little bit of values dissonance here and there, but considering when it was made and what decade it was about, it could honestly be a lot worse. It’s easily one of the most fun and enjoyable musicals ever made, and it should come as no surprise the Library of Congress deemed this film significant enough to add to the National Film Registry. Is it any surprise a film like this had a sequel?

Well, yeah, kind of. Paramount didn’t think the movie was going to be much more than a modest one-off hit when it came out despite the 50s nostalgia of the time, mainly due to the spectacular failure of Columbia’s musical adaptation of Lost Horizon being such a spectacular bomb. Why risk making musicals when it seems they’re on the way out, right? But then Grease unexpectedly became one of the biggest films of 1978, and the execs got little dollar signs in their eyes. Sequel time, baby!

One problem, though: None of the original cast was available. Or, I should say, none of the original cast you’d give a fuck about was available. Travolta and Newton-John were already off to bigger and better things, which is a shame since they were both interested before it took them forever to get a script. Only Didi Conn (Frenchy) and Eddie “Mandark” Deezen (Eugene) were coming back. And, look, I love Dexter’s Lab but that wasn’t going to be made for like twenty years or something, so Eddie wasn’t Travolta-levels of star power. Still, Paramount was dead set on turning Grease into a massive franchise. We’re talking spin-offs, sequels, a TV series, the works!

But then the screenwriter for the original died, and the original director went off to make The Blue Lagoon. Of course, they found great backups! The screenwriter is a Canadian comedian who wrote Airplane II (the less funny one) and the director was the choreographer of the original stage and film versions of Grease! How reassuring! And then basically all of the actors they actually wanted in this didn’t end up getting in. For the male lead they wanted Timothy Hutton, but when that didn’t work out they tested Andy Gibb… who failed. They then went with an unknown, Maxwell Caulfield, and casting an unknown is always a gamble. For the leading lady, Pat Benatar and Debbie Harry were considered before they ended up going with an unknown by the name of Michelle Pfeiffer. And guess what! Those two ended up hating each other.

Oh yeah and the final draft of the script was only finished midway through production, without Frenchy in it despite her actress being there, so they just tossed the scenes they’d filmed into the movie anyway.

The end result was savaged by critics and did not really make enough to warrant the massive franchise Paramount was hoping for. The careers of most of the actors involved were damaged pretty bad, especially Caulfield, though Pfeiffer managed to et out mostly unscathed. Overall, the film was just a mess that these days is relegated to lists of the worst sequels ever. Hell, unless you read lists like that you might be unaware this film even exists, because it’s relatively obscure.

Still, it does have its fans, including Andrew Garfield of all people. It’s something of a cult classic in some circles, so surely there’s something of value to be found here, right? Is Grease 2 really that bad?

THE GOOD

Michelle Pfeiffer is pretty in this.

...No. Really. That’s it.

THE BAD

This film’s biggest problem is just how overexaggerated everyone’s performances are. Like all of the dance numbers feature every single character mugging the camera and just making the most absurd faces and movements, like this is a live action cartoon. And look, I love goofy, campy silliness, but there’s a fine line between corny and trying way too hard and this is firmly in the latter camp. Every single number is just ruined by this insufferable desire to be silly.

The other biggest problem is the songs. All of them suck. All of them are also about sex, and that doubly sucks. None of the lyrics are very clever, but all of them are fucking stupid. This might just be one of the horniest movies ever made, and I mean that as an insult. I’ve watched pornos less obsessed with sex than this film. This is all the more jarring because the first film was just filled to the brim with fun and memorable songs, but here? They’re all forgettable crap with no clear identity.

Maxwell Caulfield is a terrible leading man, and I say this as someone who has a hard time believing John Travolta is a leading man. At least with Travolta he does exude a sort of movie star quality; Caulfield just feels to me like a cardboard cutout of a person, or an even more wooden Anakin Skywalker than what we got in Attack of the Clones. Caulfield is just an absolute void of charisma, and it’s no wonder Pfeiffer thought he was a stuck up little shit.

IS IT REALLY THAT BAD?

Uh, yeah. It’s fucking bad.

I really wanted to enjoy this. I really did. I love stupid, campy, silly musicals! This should have been perfect for me! And yet it was one of the most tedious, miserable viewing experiences I’ve ever had. I didn’t laugh. I didn’t smile. I was not once charmed or amused by anything I saw onscreen. As a matter of fact, there were times where I just wanted to turn it off because it was just such a slog. The extended cut of Dawn of Justice is a more well-paced and riveting film.

Look, if you like this movie, more power to you. Lord knows there’s plenty of trashy films I absolutely love that many people wouldn’t agree with. But in my opinion, Grease 2 just doesn’t work, and the reason why is because it’s Grease 2. If this film was just its own thing and not trying to coast on the fame of its superior predecessor, maybe I’d be a little more forgiving. But that’s not the world we live in. We live in a world where this film with tenuous connections to the original is allowed to call itself a sequel.

I’m gonna say that score is a little too nice, and this movie deserves something more like a 2. It’s not the worst thing ever and it’s sure to appeal to some folks, but boy is this just plain not a good film in my eyes. It really just feels like it's trying way too hard to be the original, and it's failing miserably at it at every single turn. It is one of the worst movies I've ever watched, but at least it's a bad movie where I can almost see the appeal. It just doesn't appeal to me.

[babymorte]

so im watching a list on worst to best resident evil games and every time someone does one of these they always talk about all the thing og re4 did first as far as mechanics and stuff and most of them were in dead aim first which like im not complaining (well i mean i guess i kind of am) and trying to not let the snooty resi fan in me out but like re4 wouldn’t exist in the way we know it if it wasn’t for dead aim. like you play dead aim and then play og4 and tell me dead aim wasn’t the blueprint. like im not saying this as someone who isn’t the biggest fan of og4 and trying to shit talk it im saying this as someone who is overly passionate about a game that doesn’t get enough credit for what it actually did to the gaming industry. like sure im overhyping the shit out of dead aim because it is inherently not great but if that game didn’t exist og4 wouldn’t either. i mean re4 is just diet metal gear but my argument still stands. i will die and leave my body to rot on this hill.

also also re5 is diet watered down gears of war and after playing through the first two gears games and going back to re5 for the first time in years makes me wish that i was playing gears instead…also dom over sheva all day. im sorry sheva i love you but don is supreme. im not ready for gears3.

but anyway……..

i also think i love dead aim because i think its it’s the first time i realised that capcom will release ‘bad’ games just to test game mechanics because they know us resi fans are psychotic and will buy whatever they throw at us. (also side note like i fully believe they never intended to release re:verse as a full game. capcom has enough money that they can afford to do this sort of thing. they’ll lose less money developing a shitty half hearted multiplayer game and keeping it in beta to gauge the reaction than just putting out a multi that people buy, hate, and then lose faith in the company; potentially leading to poor sales on future games. i think they learned their lesson with umbrella corp to not just make things to follow trends. like village is clearly a test run for what they wanted to do with 4s remake (also side note…i love the whole REmake/REmak3/re-three-make (i think that’s my fave honestly)/REm4ke (re2 doesn’t work i refuse to call it re-two-make i just can’t) thing like i always called the og REmake and the first time i saw other people doing it was the coolest thing cuz it just felt like we were all this giant hive mind. like every time i see someone doing it my heart fills with so much joy i don’t care how lame that sounds but ANYWAY.

i dont even know how i got on this tangent. my brain is just in resi mode apparently.

but what i was trying to say with them never releasing re:verse they’re clearly working on a multiplayer and part of me is thinking/hoping it will be for the multiplayer in 6 when they eventually remake that. that multiplayer was the only one i actually played online. it was legit so much fun. and they’re clearly working on outbreak. they would be stupid not to. they’ll definitely have to allow team chat because the original outbreak mechanics are trash by todays standards (not even resi streamers play it they only play with the team chat mod) plus it just makes it insanely difficult to play with people online who may not be great at these sorts of games or doesn’t know where to go and trying to communicate only by whatever lines the game allows you to use and only being able to hear other characters when they’re in the same room as you is beyond frustrating. i was definitely the kid that everyone got angry with for not knowing what they were supposed to do and just ran around being annoying spamming the voice lines. like it’s great as a single player game (maybe playing with friends) because it’s so immersive but it’s awful for trying to play with others. but all these multiplayer games they’re putting out they’re clearly making simple arenas shooters to test player/enemy mechanics and genre types without taking too much of a risk…right? or am i looking too much into it than i should be…which honestly possible knowing me. if that is the case it’s smart as hell if you can afford it. going back to my original thought…i also think re3 was to test for how leon would play in re4, like you could make the argument that’s why it seems so low effort in comparison to re2. like they were more interested in re4 that re3 was just another blueprint. like i do think capcom is playing 4d chess a little bit but i also think i have a major tendency to give capcom more credit than they deserve.

but fuck who would have thought the tables would turn between konami and capcom. like resi was commercially more popular but in the survival horror community (at least the corner i grew up in) silent hill was supreme. we watched resi fall from grace while regardless of how anyone feels about the room and downpour and all the other non team silent games they still have something to offer in their own way even if they make for bad silent hill games. as resi tried to go mainstream it lost what made resi resi and people just stopped caring while silent hill never really went away. people stopped asking for new resi but the need for another trip to silent hill was always being talked about. now capcom is back on top. resi dominating, and Konami is putting out silent hill skateboards (which are actually pretty dope but why the fuck who asked for this). like these modern resi games are what shinji mikami wanted resi to be from the start the hardware just didn’t allow for it. the original resi was supposed to be a co-op horror fps! like we need to be able to appreciate that aspect at least as snooty og resi fans who miss tank controls and fixed cameras so im just so so proud that the modern resi games exist as they do…but again im rambling…

I need to stop cuz im about to start an evil within tangent and we don’t need that now do we. but also i love that game. eh on the second…i never finished it but ive watched a lot of lore videos and i just like the first one better but regardless kiki you need to shut up and go make food.

[chichirichick]

Santa's a Little Late, but...

I had the honor of getting my wife from another life @anxietybard for the @sesecretsanta this year! Read the SoMa pining below or on AO3.

Title: Taking a Leap

Pairing: SoMa, background hints of Marie/Stein, Kid/Star

Rating: T

This wasn’t how I wanted to spend the start of my weekend, but that perfect little girl scout of a meister of mine just had to rope me into another one of her half-baked plans. “You know she has the combined genetic make-up of a dissection-happy scientist and a woman who breaks toilets.” 

“A toilet,” Maka corrected as if that made it any better. “And that was just a rumor.” Her prim little sashay ended at the mouth of the walkway. She turned on her heels, planted her fists on her hips, and that bottom lip popped into a pout before she seemed to think better of it. With as flat a line to her lips as possible, Maka griped, “I don’t know why you bothered to come if all you’re going to do is complain.”

This should not be my circus– should not be my monkeys– but staying home alone on a Friday night? I could count the number of Fridays—let's not mention other days of the week—I’d spent without Maka on one hand.

Way to make it sound like you’re a couple, loser.

Ah, and there was the spiral, right on cue. Not that this was anything new, but a few recent weird life events had sent me on more than one mental tailspin: this year, that idiot Star and our often emotionally stunted boss Kid had jumped an unexpected hurdle into each others’ beds.

To my fucking surprise, this ignited a shit-ton of issues for me– no, no, I have no problem with two dudes shacking up, even though thinking about either of those two having sex isn’t high on my list of joyful thoughts. It was just this goddamn hazy, dreamy truth that I’d always tried to hold on to: weapons always ended up with their meisters. I mean, there was no chance in hell that Liz or Patty could withstand more than a partnership with Kid, and Tsubaki already had the patience of a saint just being Star’s weapon, but… I don’t know. Just the idea that the sorta unbreakable bond weapon and meister have–

“Soul.”

Oops. I blinked as my brain scrambled back out of that catastrophic corkscrew to face the one I was in now. “Maka, are you serious?” I slapped on a slick grin for good measure. “I watched you make flashcards all week– I want to make sure Shelley has some fun.”

She rolled her eyes before spinning back to her original trajectory.

Mission accomplished– for now. I followed a few steps behind her, sorta mesmerized by the wave of her hair as she left it untied. That’s been happening more often… wonder if she’s tryin’ a new style or somethin’.

Wow, creeper.

My shoulders crumpled a little further as I sighed. Sometimes that little demon was a real piece of shit.

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Soul being there shouldn’t have irked me, and I honestly don’t even know why I complained. Why I was pouting. Why I was unable to even laugh at his—well deserved—joke about the myriad of activities I had planned.

It’s just…

This was a test. A pivotal, life-altering test. 

I hear it: Soul being here for a momentous decision? Of course– or really, it should be of course– but there was a giant roadblock. One that, if you asked me straight to my face, I’d deny even if you were threatening to pull fingernails. In my head, though… the moment played back perfectly in my mind:

Marie, someone who had filled at least a quarter of the empty spot my mother had left behind, wheeled behind curtains to give birth to her long-awaited bundle of joy.

Soul, taking my hand and squeezing as he gently chided: “Don’t worry– she’ll be fine.”

Me, frozen, watching the fabric flutter before my voice—so alien, so far away—croaked from my throat: “I won’t ever be a mother.”

Any flashback to it still sets my teeth on edge, especially as the moment fades out on Soul’s shocked face. I captured each one of those syllables and squashed it down, all while hoping that Soul wouldn’t let it die. I wanted him to question me– to challenge with some Soul-icism that was a comforting mix of mocking and mollification. Because I know why I said it, but I’m all too sure he doesn’t.

And there it was: a giant roadblock.

Well, as if not being in a relationship wasn’t enough of a roadblock.

Sometimes Soul’s not the only one with that dark little voice in his head.

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This was a disaster, and I hate to say I told her so, but I told her so. Okay, and yeah, I don’t actually hate proving Little-Miss-Can’t-Be-Wrong wrong. I’m not above smug satisfaction at being right, but watching Maka struggling against the will of a four-year-old had soured it just a bit. 

“I think it’s time for dinner,” Maka mumbled as the last of her confidence deflated.

“Actually–” Man, was I risking my entire life by grabbing her wrist and turning those tear brimmed eyes back to me. I was at a total loss as to why the hell she was taking it so personally, but I couldn’t let her drown in her own saltwater. “Shelley’s gonna make dinner. I’ll supervise.” You would have thought I’d dog-eared the page of her favorite book since the look I got was nothing but a bubbling cauldron of rage with a fine shimmering top of terror. What the fuck’s gotten into you?

“F-fine.” She fumbled over the word before forcing herself out of my grip. Without another peep, Maka disappeared into the archway to the living room, leaving me to feed a sigh to the ceiling.

“Do I really get to make dinner?” The hopeful little chirp sent my eyes back down to Marie’s mini-me. “Really, Soul?”

“Yup”—I ruffled a hand through her hair—“and just to warn you, I’m lazy. So you’re doin’ most of the work.” I made a show of drooping in the doorway, enjoying the way it made Shelley erupt into giggles.

“C’mon, Soul, c’mon!” There was plenty of tugging, dragging, and laughing involved before we made it into the kitchen. 

“Alright, show me the pots.” Not a second of confusion crossed that little face– Shelley instantly jumping into action and proving my point almost instantly. 

Well, my point if I had made a point with Maka, but Death knows she wouldn’t hear it. The irony? Kids this age are willful little know-it-alls who want to do, not be told, and least of all, be coddled.

Sound like anyone we know?

Since I had kept all that in mind, I was living the ideal: water boiling, sauce in a pot, and a very determined kiddo stirring with her big-girl spoon while I chopped. Shelley was practically preening while she inhaled the tomatoey steam. “Can we save some for Mama and Papa?”

“‘Course.” I couldn’t stop the laugh that followed as she wiggled with delight. Okay, so maybe the homicidal doctor gene didn’t pass down.

“Soul?”

I was busy trying to keep all my fingers intact so all I could do was hum out: “Hm?” 

“Is Miss Maka always so mean?”

My knife slowed, half because Shelley deserved careful consideration to her question and half because I needed to glance back at the door. No, there were no jade eyes scowling at me from the frame, but… ah, fuck it. “Not sure I’d call it mean. I know she doesn’t mean it that way, but–”

“Then why does Miss Maka keep trying to tell me what to do?” she complained.

“I know it sounds like she’s tellin’ you what to do,” I murmured, “but it’s more tryin’ to protect you.” I shrugged to buy time. What was her problem, anyway? What was the helicopter parent act that she had going on tonight?

“But I’m a big girl!”

Boy, did I want to snort out a laugh. There was too much irony again, and a part of me wanted Maka to be listening. “Yeah, you are, but when someone cares about you, sometimes they go a little haywire. Sorta wanna just wrap you up in their love to keep you from anythin’ bad.” Okay, so, maybe it wasn’t just Maka who should be listening. I stared down at my hands with a sigh, feeling the sting of that insight trying to needle into my brain. My heart didn’t want to budge, but… “Think you could take it as a sign she really cares, and we’ll work on it from there?”

Oh? And when are you gonna work on that yourself?

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I wasn’t sure if it was my ego or my heart that was more bruised, especially as elation followed the pair into the dining room. Shelley was precariously balancing a bowl of salad—is she old enough to do that?—while Soul steadily carried a pot beside her. The objections were on my tongue when Soul’s stole everything away:

Let her do it, he mouthed.

Oh, yes, definitely a strike to my ego. It yelped along with a myriad of annoyed petulant pleas: How does he know what’s best? Since when is he a child whisperer? How does he know what’s right and I–

I flattened a hand over my mouth as if the words were going to flee from behind my teeth. It was all so dark, so ugly, and it was getting me nowhere. My eyes burned as Shelley joined me at the table. Soul was quick to turn back and retrieve the pasta before sliding into his seat. I honestly wanted to disappear. This was all a failed experiment because every ticking moment was proving me right: I was only capable of needing mothering, not giving it and–

Soul’s hand tightened around mine, making me jump. For a moment, I was sure I’d see heads bowed and “Grace” starting on Shelley’s lips, but Soul was just watching Shelley serve herself. The little girl was in the throes of victory—even though some of the tablecloth had suffered casualties—while Soul ran a gentle thumb over my knuckles.

Holding hands wasn’t anything exactly new, but this… I risked another glance at his face, and while the turn of his smirk spoke “cool as a cucumber,” the light pink of his ears was that well-honed hint that he was nervous. About what? Nervous that I was– yes, Maka, duh. Soul could be dense about certain things, but I had to admit that he wasn’t about people’s feelings. He could read a room just as easily as sheet music.

I let my stare linger from that peony stain to the strong set of his jaw before rising to scarlet eyes that were now focused on me. “You ready to eat?”

I squeezed his hand, watching as that made the corner of his mouth twitch. Whether tonight was a losing battle or not, one thing was clear: I had Soul with me. That was always enough. “Yeah, I’m ready.”

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Fuck, I was starting to think I was insane. Suddenly, Maka wasn’t Maka anymore. Or, I dunno, maybe she was more Maka than she was before? Again, fuck. Because whatever funk she’d been in at the beginning of the night had suddenly lifted as soon as dinner was over. I’d seen the girl hangry before, but…?

Or your lame little hand-holding actually worked.

As if that’d ever be enough.

It was Maka’s turn since we’d hit the toiletries stage of the bedtime routine. That means—again, what the fuck—she’d settled back into the observer role. No more bossing– no more worrying over whether or not an activity was gonna leave toes and fingers intact. Just an enigmatic smile and eyes that wouldn’t quit following me around the room. I couldn’t tell if I hated it or liked it– again, just insane.

“Soul!”

I jolted at the call before steadying myself for the mosey down the hall. Shelley was tucked to her chin, Maka sitting there with a book poised. I watched the scene, a smirk on my lips. “Whatdya need me for?”

“You have to do the bear voice,” Shelley instructed.

“Apparently my voice isn’t deep enough,” Maka added with one of the only self-deprecating smiles I’d ever seen on her. I didn’t like it.

That sent me striding, moving to plop on the other side of the bed. “Lemme see.” Maka angled the book my way. I glanced at Shelley, seeing that childlike expectant smile. Next was Maka, and… well, there was some sorta expectation there too that I couldn’t exactly get a fix on. I didn’t have time for that thought; my little Goldilocks wouldn’t wait.

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I’d made some lame excuse to stand in the kitchen. Well, popcorn was a fitting one at least since we had time to kill before Stein and Marie got home. Each pop! had my nerves tingling– little beats of gunfire to rip little holes in my heart. I guess it was all the melancholy of letting my dream die.

I wasn’t so stupid as to create white-picket fences. Mantles with family photos in neat little rows. The sing-song voice of children playing in the yard.

We were, at best, soldiers. In my mind, only pieces of that would even be possible, and even then…

Roadblocks.

Unrequited love. My neediness. My stubbornness. My… well, everything since tonight had shown me the obvious truth: I’m not made to be a mother.

Because that was the core covered in the mud of those words I had said to Soul. I had watched Marie in her sacrifice and knew—so deeply that it wrenched my heart from its place between my ribs—that my mother had never done the same for me. Sure, there was the actual birth, but the unconditional love that came after? And obviously that hadn’t been passed down. My patience today—or utter lack thereof—had been the final nail in the coffin. I was too stubbornly myself, and the self that I was most certainly didn’t fit the motherly mold.

“Yo.”

I just about jumped for the counter, spinning quickly to catch Soul with an eyebrow raised as he stood in the doorway. “What?”

“Are you coming in this century, or am I starting this movie by myself?”

“I’m just trying to make sure all the kernels are popped,” I grumbled as I turned back to the bag circling in the microwave.

“Alright, little miss perfect,” he teased before his footsteps got lost in the hush of the carpet. “Don’t blame me when you hate the flick.”

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Maka was fidgeting even though I was sure I’d picked a total winner of a film– some stupid puzzle of a thriller that she could use that big brain to tear apart for two hours. Instead, it was me she was tearing apart, and not being a bit sly about it. Her finger was toying with the power button and after a few more circles she finally took the plunge. I was stuck staring at a black screen.

“How did you know?”

“Know what?” I could be a little proud of the nonchalant, bullshitting tone I’d actually managed to put into that. I still couldn’t fix the arms that protectively crossed my chest or the bit of a grimace that was tainting the side of my smirk.

“You don’t have to be modest,” she pressed, green eyes starting an inquisition. “I want to know why–how you’re so good with kids.”

I shrugged, but the stone in her features told me I wasn’t off the hook. “Sorta– yeah, I had cousins and stuff.”

“And stuff.”

Woo-boy, I was toeing a line, but… there was Solomon Evans, and then there was Soul Eater. I’d never been too sure about burdening Maka with the old me, and this was sure it. Still, I dipped that toe: “Before my grandma died–”

The start of that brought her eyes wider, sweetness– softness coming to her eyes.

“–there used to be a mob of us. Mom’s got three brothers and a sister and each of ‘em wasn’t shy about having kids. Wes and I are the only pair.” I swallowed the old urge to button my lips because she was hanging off each word with a death-grip. “But they were all younger. Mostly babies and toddlers, so I got used to that kinda kid.”

She just nodded.

I cleared my throat. “But when Grandma died, our idiot parents just fell into fighting about inheritance and all that stopped.” I suddenly realized that secret had been a rock in my gut, and while it still scratched me raw coming up, its absence was a weight I didn’t fucking miss. “Got used to it, so I missed it.”

“I’m sorry.”

Sure, she could be apologizing for the shit my parents did, but I knew there was more to it. Her eyes were a little too shiny, and that button of her nose was turning a light pink. Maybe my sense had been lost along with that burden, since I couldn’t stop the whisper: “Why’d you ask Marie to do this?”

She flinched and her lips buttoned tight.

“Maka,” I pushed.

Her reply was a sigh, her fingers flexing on the channel changer and threatening to undo the silence. I grabbed them, ruining her chance for escape. “How do you know I asked?”

“‘Cause,” I muttered back.

“Don’t you think I’m responsible enough for Marie to just ask me?” Any playfulness in that was erased by her eyes falling away from me.

“Bookworm”—my throat burned with the love I couldn’t hide—“I know you. Doin’ somethin’ like this… what were you tryin’ to prove?”

She blinked, the liquid no longer just a shine in her eyes but small rivers down her cheeks. “It doesn’t matter. I failed anyway.”

Her arms tensed, trying to pull back her hands but I slipped into a firm hold on her wrists. I wasn’t gonna let her get away, not if it meant she was gonna break somewhere on her own. “Failed at what?”

“I was no good at this,” she whispered as that horrible, un-Maka-ly smile plastered on her lips again. 

I wanted to roll my eyes. “Maka–”

“No,” she decimated that even with her softened voice. “I told you, right? I’m just– I won’t ever be a mother.”

Oh. There it was. Definitely not something I had forgotten, but we were sixteen. I fucking barely knew my own feelings let alone how to navigate hers. What I did know though? This was a deep hurt, and I most likely had this one chance to get it right. “The first time I held my cousin, I dropped him.”

Maka blinked, brows furrowing. “What?”

I produced at least half of a laugh thanks to the memory floating over my brain. “Not dropped-dropped, but yeah, he was nuts as a toddler and just threw himself everywhere, and since I didn’t know and hadn’t tried before, I made the mistake of trying to lift him when he was having one of those tantrums and pow!” 

“But–”

“But nothin’,” I spat. “You can’t just throw yourself into something and expect it to be second nature. Even meistering—you know, that thing that’s literally in your blood—didn’t come to you without practice.” I gave her wrists a shake for good measure since I could see the argument forming on her lips. “You think four hours with a bossy preschooler means you couldn’t manage a kid of your own?”

“Nothing I did was right,” she hissed.

“That ain’t exactly true,” I pressed. “You tried. That was the rightest thing you could do.”

The pause that came after had me just about ready to tear out my hair. It wasn’t until she fidgeted, sighed, and tossed her chin back towards me that she spoke again. “Rightest isn’t a word,” Maka corrected softly as her eyes finally met mine. Her smile was dull, but at least it wasn’t fake anymore. “And I don’t know about trying, but… Soul, this isn’t just you– ‘wrapping me up to keep me from somethin’ bad?’”

My stomach dropped. Of course she’d been listening—of fucking course—but did she get the insinuation there? Love. I had said love. Wrapping someone in love. And I– 

Well, no shit, Eater, she’s sure you love her in that lame weapon way. Don’t get ahead of yourself.

“I’m sorry– I eavesdropped.” For once, she did look a little guilty, but I missed out on it completely. I was staring at my hands, hoping that if the heat I was feeling was a blush, then at least the tilt of my head would hide part of it. “Thanks for standing up for me.”

“Like I said– you were tryin’,” I mumbled. 

The tangle of our hands was suddenly in the forefront of my mind, but as soon as I started to loosen my hold on her wrists, she slid her palms back into mine. “But you’re not messing with me, right?”

“Nah.” One syllable– that’s all I fucking had. She was holding my hands too tightly. I was suffering through slick palms. I was sure at least my ears were pink. I was–

“I’m glad you came.”

Okay, no more at least. If my whole face wasn’t a tomato, then Clapton wasn’t a guitar god.

“It’s funny…” The breathlessness of her laugh drew my eyes back to her face. I had seen that look on her face only a few times before: she was scared, but that elated kind of afraid like she was about to jump off some cliff. “I wanted to do this by myself, but I realized that it always ends up alright if I have you with me.”

Floor, say hello to stomach. Tongue, lose every last control over your muscles. Brain, bluescreen. Here was where that dark, oily voice would usually pop in to ground me again, but even that didn’t have the strength to overcome my hopes at that moment.

It’s not like I imagined white-picket fences. No stupid Macy’s photos in tacky frames. No kids clamoring around the backyard.

We were tools, right? Usually just means to an end, but… 

If there was one thing I did envision, it was having her with me. And sometimes, just sometimes, it was all the happy stuff that could come along with that.

“Soul?”

“Ah,” I tried, but my mouth was still full of cotton.

“I just wanted you to know that, okay?” Her fingers were slipping away. The fucking moment was slipping away, and I knew it, and–

“You’d be good at it,” I blurted.

Trajectory was momentarily paused, her hands hovering between us. “What?”

“Being a mom,” I stammered through, knowing that for once I had no plan. “Maybe it doesn’t feel like it now, but I know you. I know you’d learn, and I know you’d be good at it.”

I had hoped the crying was over with, but new tears blossomed in her eyes. “Oh.”

“And that’s– that’s not me keepin’ you from somethin’ bad,” I murmured.

She nodded, brought her hands back to her face, and did her best to clear the mess. Death, Maka might have been all blotchy and tear-stained, but I couldn’t help but think she was probably the most beautiful I’d ever seen. She was vulnerable, and for once, we’d actually talked about it. I couldn’t help but want that moment to last forever.

❄️❄️❄️❄️❄️❄️❄️❄️❄️❄️❄️❄️❄️❄️❄️❄️❄️❄️❄️❄️❄️❄️❄️

 I wanted to imagine that moment as another thread woven into our connection, and I wish that I… well, all that I could urge myself to do at that point was to plant my head on his shoulder and turn the movie back on as if it were any other night. My bravery does have its limits.

 At first, his heart galloped like we’d just finished a practice fight with Star, but after comfortably melding together over an hour, any thumping was replaced by his gentle snore. I laughed at the predictability: Soul always had a post-stress coma. 

I lifted my head to examine the tilt of his chin, the way his unfussed bangs slightly fell over his eyes. Soul’s mouth was slack, grumbles starting on each inhale. Gently, I tested his cheek with my finger, waiting to see if he was truly dead to the world. He was motionless besides the temporary creation of a dimple.

Wise Soul-isms that I had waited years for danced across my mind: 

You can’t just throw yourself into something and expect it to be second nature.

That was the rightest thing you could do.

I know you’d learn, and I know you’d be good at it.

I was unable to deny the burn that brought to my eyes, and I let it engulf me again. A short, sweet deluge bubbled over my cheeks, rinsing away the last of the bitterness that I’d held onto that night. My other fingers joined in– not to poke, but to slide until I had cupped his cheek.

“Thank you for… being you, Soul.”

I leaned, and my lips brushed against his other cheek.

“Maybe, someday, I’ll know the right words for you, too.”

❄️❄️❄️❄️❄️❄️❄️❄️❄️❄️❄️❄️❄️❄️❄️❄️❄️❄️❄️❄️❄️❄️❄️

Weird. Yeah, that was the only way to describe it. The feeling like you’re sure you left your wallet at home, but it’s in your damn pocket. Just something off and my brain was sending a muddled report. I tried to blame it on the disturbed sleep– Marie and Stein came home just an hour after I hit the true depth of my snooze.

Either way, gone was the storm-cloud Maka and here was the sunshine, her step light as we made our way back to the apartment. She was a few steps ahead of me, but somehow my little grumble was enough for her to turn a head over her shoulder. “What’s wrong?”

“Dunno,” I griped. “Wonderin’ if maybe Stein had the chance to poke around in my sleep.”

For once, Maka didn’t roll her eyes as expected. “Why would you think that?” Her attention faltered, the security door to the building pulling her in.

As I listened to the soft beep of the keypad, I let that marinate. Well, I dunno, Maka, you and I had a pretty heavy talk and then suddenly we weren’t. Yeah, okay, maybe that was the unevenness. Either way, I finally felt like I gained an inch tonight, so I wasn’t about to take a mile. “Y’know, just guts rearranged. Like somebody maybe had their fun while I was snoozin’.”

“Hm?” Her pitch faltered, climbing towards the roof.

Now, I had been joking—not that Stein wouldn’t take advantage of a free exploratory surgery—but that was definitely too much of a panicked frequency from her. “Maka Albarn–”

“I have to–”

Those lithe legs of hers were motoring up the stairs, already up to the next landing. Thankfully we weren’t teens anymore, and with my last growth spurt, she wasn’t leaving me in the dust. “Did that maniac–”

“He only ever did that to Papa, and–”

“Maka Albarn!” The final shout came with the slam of our door, pinning us in the quiet of the apartment after our cat-and-mouse chase.

Her shoulders were tense, back to me as she murmured, “It wasn’t Stein.”

“Uh…” was all I could manage. I didn’t think I was getting an affirmative, and my hands reflexively went to my gut to check my organs.

She pivoted quickly, eyes shining with determination. “It was me.”

“Uh…”

A few steps and she was back in front of me, face now just two inches from mine as she challenged me: “And all it was was this.”

Her lips—fucking Death, her lips!—were right there, an inch from mine. It didn’t matter that they planted on my cheek, I was still sent. Out of order. Gone. 

Maka tried to maintain her bravado, but the next still came with a little of a warble: “Now, is that all that bad?”

“N-no,” I stammered. Since all my sense was gone, and my hands moved of their own volition, grabbing her by the shoulders. “No, I– I–” Her face flushed pink, sending me partially into a panic. This was a misstep– not what she wanted, and I–

“You what?” There was an ultimatum in that question, and the shining clarity in her eyes had me knowing she had already decided something and it was just time for me to catch up.

“Normally don’t people do that sorta thing when someone’s awake?” That murmur ached in my chest with all sorts of want. “Y’know, s-so the other person has the chance to…”

“To?”

To panic– to overload– to– I swallowed that all and leaned in, lips just stopping a centimeter from hers. “To ask for more.”

Oh, thank Death she giggled softly. Maka worried her fingers in the sides of my T-shirt for a second before she tilted on tiptoes. A kiss. A real fucking kiss. Not just weapon and meister. Not friends. Not roommates living in limbo. 

I felt her smile spread before she let go, giving me unnecessary space. Jade eyes shined up at me. “I should have known my actions always speak louder than my words.”

I sighed– this one full of contentment instead of the urge to tear out my hair. This time when I leaned, just our foreheads met, enjoying that closeness just as much. “And I’m always here to catch you when you jump.”

[wutheringmights]

I appreciate you asking ASAP, even if I couldn't get around to it until today. But that means I had a good 24 hours to think of everything I wanted to talk about.

And believe me, I have A LOT to say.

Generally speaking, I think the past section is the weaker half of the chapter. I think most of my chapters are unevenly matched like this, but it's really apparent here when the fever dream sequence worked marvelously while this one... didn't

Looking back, I think the framing device of the hands might have been the wrong move. It's too clunky and draws an unflattering amount of attention to itself, unlike the repeating refrain in The Long Winter (if you remember that one)

It gets a little more complicated when I think about how this strained, precariously balanced yet super off-kilter stretch of the engineer and Link's relationship was one of the many things I was initially super excited to get to; it's weird to know that I basically only have one chapter of this and it didn't feel as satisfying to write as I thought it would be

However, I think a lot of that has to do with how enjoyable and challenging I found writing how they got to this point and how much I'm honestly more excited for what's going to come afterward

So circling back to my poor prose this time around-- I will convince myself that the clunky refrain adds to how strange their relationship has gotten so that I don't feel too bad about it

Like, at the end of the day, this is the chapter where Link is at his happiest and the engineer is lively again, but they are both so deep in each other's bullshit that neither seem to realize that they're making the other miserable-- and that was interesting as heck to think about, even if my execution may not have been 100% there

Okay, prose aside, what actually happened this time around?

I said somewhere before that Link is bi, and no one said anything, I figured that there had to be a few people that noticed that I never had him actually go after guys; if that is you, now you know why

I deeply contemplated if Link outright stating that he's worried about any potential boyfriend being just like himself was too on the nose, but then I realized that in itself is such a loaded statement that isn't immediately obvious.

Or maybe I'm wrong about that. Who knows

There was originally going to be two execution scenes: one where Link insists on beheading the traitors himself, another where Link arrives late to find that the engineer went ahead and did it for him

The greenhorn originated as a character I referred to as the Gray-Eyed Soldier, which some of you may recognized from my list of deleted ideas

The Gray-Eyed Soldier was supposed to be a new recruit that Link was super attracted to but avoided due to his intimacy issues and fears of being accused of fraternization; but he couldn't stay away completely and would end up just lingering at the corners of this guy's life until he suddenly died on the battlefield

The problem with this storyline was that it would show Link temporarily obsessed with a character who wasn't the engineer, and I didn't want to give off the impression that Link's obsession was not as strong as it initially seemed or that Link himself was fickle

However, I still liked the idea of one of boys having this mini-romantic plot line, so I tested it out with the engineer and found this interesting story where you both feel bad for the engineer while also wondering how deeply he actually felt for this second guy suddenly showering him with affection

(Hilariously, the greenhorn was referred to exclusively as "the boy toy" in my notes, and it almost became his in-story epitaph)

(It would have been a sarcastic, bitter name provided by Link's inner monologue)

So... I should also talk about the neck scene, shouldn't I?

Here's the thing-- the neck scene opens a huge can of worms that I am not willing to discuss here. It needs it's own post. Right now, I will just say that I initially was not going to do it but it ultimately was the best way thematically for Link to shatter that promise of brotherhood

(I might talk about this more later, so I won't say more)

And finally, I am very excited for next chapter's past section, which is a good sign that you should be scared

Okay, onto the present

Re: Linkle's backstory-- when Lincoln was first taking Linkle with him, he had an entire mental freak out as he tried to do the mental math to figure out how he could give his newfound daughter the life she wants, whether she wanted an advanced education or to be a respectable noble lady

And Lincoln was doing all of this thinking trying to figure out how he could make any of those things happen when Linkle started yapping about how much she wanted to be trained as a knight; and he was like "oh thank god I can actually do that"

Dad of the Year, folks!

I did not anticipate how well Four and Lincoln would mesh together, which in hindsight is really funny; they're both two guys who will get shit done. Of course they would be friends

(But before teaming up with Lincoln, Four was of the opinion that even if none of them liked Lincoln, Time was an idiot for kicking out the guy who knew this Hyrule better than any of them)

Let's talk Meemaw

Back in chapter 1, Four is the only other member of the Chain besides Warriors to talk to Meemaw; this is because I knew she was going to help with the post-Kakariko Well escape, so I wanted them to interact early on

Meemaw has a line all the way back in chapter 5-ish where she says that she does not want to get involved with Warriors's dad side of the family; this was supposed to be a hint that Meemaw had a personal connection to the Harkinians you needed to look out for

As you may know, Meemaw is based on the literary character Mother Courage, whose first name is also Anna. However, her last name, Beck, is a cheeky reference to Linebeck

I have gone back and forth on whether I think Meemaw is a descendant of Linebeck, and I still don't know how I feel about it. So I took the ambiguous approach and left it vague enough that if I ever do want to commit to that idea, the groundwork is there

Lincoln and Meemaw's conversation was a delight to write. I did not anticipate that conversation being as funny was it was but they do make a good comedy duo

Lincoln's apology to Warriors was supposed to be next chapter, but when he called Warriors family, I just knew that Warriors was not going to let that slide

Alright, let's talk the Fever Dreams

Giving backstory through dream sequences is a cliche I really don't like, but there was no better time to tell you all what happened to Warriors before the story started; so I had to do some introspection to figure out what I didn't like about the cliche and landed on how I hated how un-dream-like those sequences tended to be

So I made it my goal to commit as hard as I could to everything being as trippy as possible without compromising on clarity

I played around a lot with how to define the dreams from reality

One of my original ideas was based off an out-of-context post on Gideon the Ninth I read that discussed how the prose's use of 2nd person POV emphasized how grief affected the main character; I wanted to use this technique to give off a sense of alienation, but it did not work

I eventually landed on only using em dashes to signal when a scene switched and just played up how being sick blurred that line of reality for Warriors

(Oh my god, this commentary is so long)

My warning to the reader that reality was about to get messed up was that conversation between Wind and Linebeck about if Linebeck was real or not (which also gave us another peek into how Wind deals with his problems)

I totally did not think I could ever find a way to get Linebeck in the story, but I am so glad that my beloved found a way

Everything about Warriors dealing with his mother's death was very personal for me, and I made myself cry a few times while writing it, so I hope you guys liked it

Speaking of his mom-- I want to make sure that Marigold has depth and is more than just The Dead Mom, which has been hard so far considering that she is dead and cannot participate in the story any longer

The blue-blooded girl in the dream was established in a previous chapter as a noble girl who was Warriors’s first kiss

Doing a remix of the official Masks comic was a lot of fun, and the transition from Four talking to Lincoln to Four in the scene is one my favorites in the whole sequence

In previous chapters, whenever Warriors dreamed of the Chain meeting Spirit and Mask, he always subconsciously paired Time and Mask up; so Mask fully replacing Time in a memory is the next step-up

I really wanted to use Warriors’s backstory as a way to explore how military recruitment preys on disadvantaged groups; Warriors was pushed into enlisting because it was the best employment option for someone who was at their absolute lowest and needed a way “out”

Even if Warriors wanted to be a knight, he obviously never would have gone down that path if he had any other option

My favorite little “trick” for blending reality and dream was to do two versions of the scene where Kat reports that she knows where Wild is; that idea came to me while I was walking to the coffee shop one day and I felt like a genius for it

Unlike the Kakariko Well, I actually feel like my version of the Lost Woods is interesting and unique

The scene where Warriors meets Gaudin was interesting to write-- I first wrote the scene straight with the conversation they had in reality, then went in and rewrote everything Warriors said and did; it was a complicated way to write it, but it was a lot of fun

That quick succession of scenes between Lincoln and Time arguing to when we revisit the opening sequence was also a ton of fun; figuring out how to build a conversation out of out-of-context lines from other scenes was super fun to write

(you can just tell that this entire part of the story has been a blast to compose)

The scene where the dog eats Warriors’s hand was originally going to be actual cannibalism as Warriors was going to bite into Spirit’s hand with the scene cutting right as he started to feast

Okay, that very last scene with Warrior’s dream of a family. Let’s chat.

Oh boy

Remember what I said earlier about how I experimented with trying to find ways to differentiate between dream and reality? One of the ideas I played with was having all the dreams happen to “Link.”

However, the story has had a very strict logic so far in that “Link” was only used for the past while “Warriors” was only used in the present; so my experiments showed me that if I used “Link” for the dreams, I would be breaking the established reality of the story

So of course, I used for the very last dream

Seeing “Link” there is supposed to be the reader’s oh shit moment where they realize that reality is 100% busted; and it worked so well

Especially since when the reader then saw “Warriors” used again at the Fairy Fountain, they would (hopefully) feel relieved to see reality  fixed-- a subconscious realization that the dreams are over and everything is okay

Also I want to point out that in that last dream, the engineer had this line where he said he was working on a “very important thing”; this was originally going to be a place holder until I could decide what Warriors would think the engineer would be working on, but decided to keep it because it would be funny if Warriors couldn’t even think of what it could be

And of course, we have Proxi in the story at last. I have a lot of plans for her, and I hope you guys enjoy her as much as I do

So the heroes in trouble are Twilight, Wind, Sky, and Legend; no one guessed that specific combo of boys, but a lot of guesses pinned Twilight and Wind correctly

I have known from that start that Warriors was going to lose his hand; this is going to be very interesting to write and I can already see a lot of people starting to work out the significance of him losing that hand in particular

But alas, we have yet to hit rock bottom. For everyone wondering how this is not rock bottom, let me ask you this: what would actually destroy Warriors? Chew on that.

[lynnaquinn]

So as I work on Rustbelt and Marked becomes the first book anyone will ever see of it, I grow more and more in love with the setting.

First off, recently because of other games, I've learned of a side of Post-Apocalypse media I never knew about, this honestly helped me develop the world into more of a unique setting. I never knew of the whole Roadside Picnic style settings.

But I digress, going back to what has happened.

So when I started arranging things, when the first book broke into three unique books, I rearranged what classes were in which Encampment Groups to have it make more sense to me. Marked went through huge changes in this in that I swapped out Dimensional and Lost to put in two of what I call "Blue" factions (reference to an in house categorizing of factions between Red, Green, and Blue, all lined up with the Terrain "Food Chain" and yes, these terms will change when final product is made.) I swapped the Rift-Scarred into a "Red" faction and then took the HUGE bite of putting the Ghostrunners as my "Blue" for book 1, making ECO the "Green."

The concept behind the world is that due to our fucking over nature, weather is so intense that we now live in what the corporations call Walled Cities. Through some "proprietary" tech that "wasn't given to them by something beyond us" the cities are shielded from the Apocalyptic storms happening outside them.

These cities are Capitalistic Hellscapes that sell different means of escapism almost like drugs; things like AR chips to remove the grime from your sight (or any other filter you choose,) splicing for cosmetics, and black bagging the homeless to "test new products on."

If the generator goes by its own failing or a storm getting in causing it, then for a brief moment a nuclear level event happens, ripping space and destroying the city.

The Rift causes the survivors to be forever changed. Some are scarred physically and mentally but gain psychic abilities, some become closer to the animal kingdom or even change themselves, and those unlucky to be connected to the AR slowly get their engrams dissolved into the digital aether.

You play the survivors of these Rift-Torn Cities within the first book.

Some rule concepts that used to be only some factions have also evolved to be an every faction thing honestly. These are things such as Leader/Unit Options and Archetypes.

Probably still need to figure more descriptive names for these hahaha.

Leader and Unit Options are a choice shared by Encampment Classes with similar themes that are a) Completely optional in your list, and b) meant to be thematic and fun. It is an option like having one of your Team be a Robot or an Intelligent Animal or what not or your Leader being a Cyborg or Hybrid or Splicer.

The Unit Option offers new equipment, the Leader Option offers new Equipment Sets for your leader, but you get to keep your leader type's ability. Both of these give stat changes to their stat line.

Originally I was only going to do one per the few that allow it, but now each faction gets 2 sets they can choose from and allows 2 Unit Options in their list instead of 1! This increased the original 2 sets to 5 now!!!

Archetypes were another "only some Classes had them" mechanic. They originally were replacing faction equipment on those Classes and offered a choice to the player that they HAD to choose one of.

Each non-leader originally had 2 equipment slots, the Archetype would take one of them presenting 3 that a player could choose from that were thematic to the class and each had 2 pieces of equipment that a unit only could have 1 of.

They work the same now, but with every faction having one, I've pressed the equipment limit from 2 to 3 to compensate so everyone can have some fun with the equipment outside of Archetype Choices.

Another thing was increasing D10 to D12 and upping the 4 basic stats on ALL models by 1. This was just to have better variance on odds.

Beyond that, swapping around Speed and Perception stats then changing Will to Grit really seems like a minor change, but honestly is one that feels important to me.

What other changes am I thinking of? As I've narrowed the books down to 4 planned, I thought of extending the 12 Classes in future books. But in the hours before typing this, I started to debate putting the upgrades just inside the books that have those classes. This would add alternative themes and options for each Class and related NPC Classes.

Just some thoughts hahaha.

[claudiajcregg]

3, 11 and 26 :)

I'm guessing this is for the fic writer asks from Saturday (and a few times before that), because the others are emojis. Thank you for asking, Kat! These were tough but I don't think I've ever gotten them.

3. What was your first fandom?

Bones. There were others before and around the same time, but Bones is the first one I'd consider a big fandom experience, whereas I was never too involved in other fandoms. Practically grew up in it.

11. What's an idea for a fic you've had that you'll probably never write?

Honestly? I'm not sure if I have those! Never say never. I end up writing a few words for everything, or outlining it just to test it out. If you had asked me in the spring, I'd have included the pregnancy au in the list. (Cop out answer because I don't want anyone to tackle the few original ideas I've had, lol.)

I'm not imaginative, so my ideas are generally rather bland (stats reflect that!), and the ones that are not I probably could not do justice… So those fics sit unfinished. I sometimes hear others who have had similar ideas who would probably do a better job of it, so I'm not in a rush to continue them. 🤷🏻‍♀️

26. What fic are you proudest of?

This one is funny because my automatic answer is all of them, which is an invalid answer to this question. I have never really considered myself a particularly good writer, despite how much I liked it, and think that my work is just mid at best... But a few of the stories have resonated/seem to be liked, and that amazes me. Even when I re-read my stories sometime later, I'm surprised by how decent some of them are!

I'll say two: my Big Block of Cheese 2008 story and the Portland-set fic. I wrote a long paragraph to say a similar sentiment: at one point ~soon~ after writing them, I knew I wanted to share them with people. (BBC was even more terrifying as I was on the sidelines, just writing nonstop for myself. Portland was while I was writing an AU I thought I'd post at the end of the year. It's been two and I still haven't.) There are probably a few more that I felt like that, but I just thought they were special.

[coolcattime]

oooo with the new saw movie coming out, would you be alright with ranking traps? or even characters in the series? the movies in general?

Hi hi hi! I'm super happy to rank off the traps! (See under the read more because it's a long ramble and like descriptions of gore + death because I have an option on death traps).

For characters, I don't think I could do a full ranking but for favourites: I love Amanda and John (so happy to see them getting to be the full main focus of Saw X), I really like Lynn from Saw 3.

So for the traps, I'm ranking each movie's traps individually. I think the list will just turn into a juggle if I tried to do this as an overall ranking.

But also this way I can discuss the traps I have thoughts on (which is less and less the more we great through films, partly from just fatigue)

I took these lists off the wiki, so most of the films are going to have a "this is not a Trap section" because I don't think some of these actually are traps. Also, I'm only ranking the Reserve Bear Trap in the original Saw, if it was in the list for 6 and 3D, it would just win.

Saw:

7: Drill Chair. This feels like an odd trap because like, it feels a lot more like Jigsaw just needed a distraction than he was genuinely testing the guy in the trap.

6: Flammable Jelly. This trap feels like so much. Flammable jelly, broken glass, and poison makes this feel like a bit overkill. I really like the concept, needing to find the combo in a mess of numbers with a time limit, but I do think it could've had maybe one fewer element. Though I do find it honestly hilarious that the guy is in the trap for calling in sick to work when he isn't sick. Like that's just so funny to me.

5: Zep's Test. This gets props for the really awesome end of the film where we get the reveal of John Kramer for the first time and the Hello Zep tape. However it does only work because Zep WANTS to abduct and hold hostage Dr Gordon's family. Like I know that, even by this point, Jigsaw has at least one apprentice and therefore could take Zep out if he didn't, but Zep shouldn't know that and he works in a hospital. Obviously John has been talking with Zep and I'll give him the benefit of the doubt of knowing he was the type of person to go through with the crime, but I still think this "trap" only works because Zep really didn't think of an alternative solution. 

4: Razor Wire Maze. I just think this one is neat. I know people have complaints about the reason for him being in the trap being self-harm, but I think that does work with John's logic (and I also know that in the original script he's there for something else). But this one feels beatable, and if nothing else it was the first.

3: Shotgun Hallway. Is this really a Saw trap? No. Should it be anywhere near this high? No. I just think it's fun. His head exploded.

2: Bathroom Trap. Escape room!!! What's not to love about this? Two guys chained to a wall, a dead body in the middle, and a countdown for one to kill the other. It's fun and that's good because it's the concept for the full movie. I kinda wish the films had stuck more for this formula of the main "trap plot" being mostly a bunch of puzzles with time for the characters to get to know each other (because I think death games are at their best when I care about the people dying).

1: Reverse Bear Trap. Look, it's just awesome okay. I love it. The design is cool. It's very survival but still feels like an actual challenge. There's a reason it got brought back in two other films, and there's a reason it's The Pigs power in Dead by Daylight, it's awesome. 

Saw 2:

Not a Trap: Eric's Test. I don't think sitting and listening for 3 hours is a trap. I do think the whole safe place is in a safe is very funny though. 

7: Electric Staircase. 

6: Magnum Eyehole. No one opens a door with their eye to the peephole. No one should open a door if someone else has their eye to the peephole. I think I can tell what the bullet of a gun looks like when looking into it and stop looking directly into it. 

5: The Furnace. This is where I think the good traps for this film begin. There’s something about this, I just think is interesting. Because you can get an antidote for free, no strings attached, it’s only the second one that even activates the trap. Right at the start of the film, someone could’ve been totally good with the nerve gas, but he just had to go reaching for the second one before passing out the first. Also, it feels beatable, which is always good.

4: Antidote Safe. Now this is how you do a psychological trap. Because this requires 0 murder, they could all get the numbers without anyone dying and then they have an antidote. But after losing 3 already (and a 4th while he's getting everyone's numbers) Xavier just decides to kill rather than, I assume, possibly being forced to fight over it. 

3: Razor Box. I think this is a really interesting idea. It feels simple, it feels beatable. Like even with both hands through, if Alison was taller (or someone else helped) then she probably could’ve got out okay.

2: Death Mask. aka the Venus Flytrap. I have never heard this called anything but the Venus Flytrap and I’m confused why the Saw wiki has given the page title a worse name. I just like this trap. Nothing wrong with a good death mask. (Guy definitely should’ve survived… like dude you’re eye is fucked anyway, get that key).

1: Needle Pit. I think the Needle Pit is so horrifying considering it’s also the only non-lethal trap in the series. Like it’s painful and terrifying (made worse knowing they had to halt filming because they dropped real needles in there by accident). It is truly awesome to watch Amanda just fucking dig through needles and seriously I cannot believe that Xavier drops the damn key.

Saw 3:

Not a Trap: Jeff's Trial & Jeff's Final Test & Amanda's Test

6: Pig Vat. I’ll be honest, I don’t mind the price of saving the judge being psychological rather than a physical toll on Jeff. I just, I don’t care about Jeff. To be fully honest, I’m not a big fan of the trap plots where it’s “here is one person who has to save everyone else” because it kinda takes the will to survive element out of it. A lot of this film’s trap plot kinda boils down to Jeff yells at a person before deciding to help, which I’m not a fan of and beyond that element I find this trap more gross than scary (and note, I fear drowning, I just can’t get my brain past rotting pig juice to find that bit scary).

5: Classroom Trap. Unbeatable and lacks any aesthetic I find cool enough to forgive that factor.

4: Freezer Room. Similar issues to the Pig Vat, but I guess I find the concept of freezing to death actually scary. 

3: Angel Trap. I know this is also unbeatable, but there’s something about this one that I just find pleasing. Even the crew call it elegant. Like if you’re going to make unbeatable traps, make them cool. 

2: The Rack. It’s cool, it’s so extremely painful, it’s Jigsaw’s favourite for a reason!

1: Shotgun Collar. I know logically this shouldn’t be my top trap for the film… but death collar!!! I have my likes for death game tropes, and death collars are high up there. It’s big and bunky which I don’t think I’ve seen any other death collar be and it definitely feels like it could’ve done the damage it eventually does to Lynn. The connection to John’s heartbeat is great, and allows for the twist when Jeff kills him. And, while I think there’s a deleted scene where it’s shown that Amanda’s key doesn’t actually unlock the collar, the idea of the key being in such close reach but completely inaccessible is great.

Saw 4:

Not a trap: Riggs Trial & Hoffman's Test (how is Hoffman’s Test listed under Saw 4 when it takes until Saw 6 for anything to actually come of it??)

8: Perez and Strahms Trial. I counted this as a trap only because a puppet exploded in Perez’s face and that wasn’t listed as an individual trap. I have no real thoughts about the exploding puppet other than why would you put your head closer??

7: Spine Cutters. We do not get to see what this trap does. That’s just kinda lame. I’m also a little unsure why he didn’t go to someone about the death trap when he clearly could walk around outside and had access to the police (sure knock out Rigg rather than tell him about the death trap), but I’ll just guess that he knew Hoffman was in on it?

6: Knife Chair. I honestly think the Knife Chair is meant to be a little bad. Like it’s John’s first trap… I think (the timeline kinda gets messier with Jigsaw). I will say, it literally falling apart, and John dodging his attack after so he just ends up in razor wire is funny, but it’s not a good trap.

5: Spike Trap. I’m not the biggest fan of contest traps. Like I don’t mind this one, I don’t particularly want an abuser to live, but it always feels a bit lame to see a trap set up as only one person having a chance.

4: Scalping Seat. A cool trap, even if I don’t think it would work realistically. I wish that it wasn’t reliant on Rigg saving her, but it also wouldn’t have set off if Rigg hadn’t activated it. So it’s kinda a mix. 

3: Ice Block Trap.

2: Mausoleum Trap. 

1: Bedroom Trap.

Saw 5:

I really like the core concept of the trap point of Saw 5 with the idea that everyone would have survived if they just worked together. That feels right. It is genuinely a really cool idea.

Not a Trap: Fatal Five Trial

8: Ceiling Jars

7: Shotgun Chair. This is genuinely so disappointing as a meeting for John and Hoffman. Like all the cool traps it could’ve been, it’s just a shotgun pointed at Hoffman.

6: Electric Bathtub

5: Water Cube

4: Pendulum Trap

3: Neck Tie Trap

2: 10 Pints of Sacrifice

1: Glass Coffin. I really really like the fact that Saw went for the walls closing up, you’re gonna get crushed and then they actually crushed the person. Especially since that was their idea because the first one was too hard to film. Like being crushed is an absolutely horrifying way to die, and I think it's awesome to see in one of these films.

Saw 6:

Not a Trap: Williams Trial

7: Explosion Bracelet

6: Oxygen Crusher

5: Pound of Flesh

4: Steam Maze

3: Shotgun Carousel

2: The Gallows. Maybe I like this one because it reminds me of the Ashley Josh trap from Until Dawn, but I do really like these kind of traps, despite how I still think that contest traps are a little lame (god I need to get back to Mianite Until Dawn at some point [because I planned so much I just like need the energy to watch the game while I write], or like… right a version of a scene where someone needs to pick between two people because I love the concept).

1: Acid Room. …I can’t get over Rodrick killing a dude okay. “You killed my dad, you son of a bitch” will forever be in my head. It is also thematic that the man who chose if other people’s get to live would be saved doesn’t get to save his own, even if it does seem a little against the Jigsaw to not prove your own will to survive.

Saw 3d:

Not a Trap: Pain Train (It was in a dream, it wasn't real and if was was real it would probably go between Lawnmower Trap and Hangman’s Noose), Bobby's Trial

11: Brazen Bull. Fuck this trap. Fuck killing a nice woman that did literally nothing wrong cause her husband is a con artist. This movie would’ve been 100% better if Joyce had been in zero danger and the threat to Bobby was being revealed to her as a con artist.

10: Suspended Cage

9: Cyanide Box & Sentry Gun

7: Wisdom Teeth Combination

6: Lawnmower Trap. This trap is less realistic than the one that literally takes place in a dream. How did they get up there? How did the survivor get down? The movie doesn’t care.

5: Hangman's Noose

4: Impalement Wheel

3: Public Execution. This is the one trap I think would work better than the original if it was set in a modern setting. Like put a couple of influencers in there and you got an actual good excuse for why it’s public.

2: Silence Circle

1: Horsepower Trap

Jigsaw:

Not a Trap: The Murders Trial

8: Edgar Munsen's Test

7: Leg Wires & Grain Silo Trap

5: Laser Collars

4: Chain Hangers. This trap I really think would benefit from the person being affected alone rather than the whole group dying. The idea that you can live super easily if you admit to the petty amount you stole that cost someone their live is so compelling, but it killing the whole group if she doesn’t admit it is just kinda ehh

3: Cycle Trap

2: Bucket Room

1: Shotgun Keys. We got to the pun! “This is your key to freedom” Yes! I love that they both could have survived and I love that John directly told them how. 

Spiral:

I haven’t watched Spiral. My best friend (who was the one that turned me onto the series, really likes it and wants to watch it together, which we just haven’t done yet). So this is done on vibes.

6: Ezekiel Banks Test

5: Glass Grinder

4: Wax Trap

3: Marcus Banks Test

2: Subway Trap

1: Finger Trap