#i literally cannot wait to get on that stage and make every last person uncomfortable

[hotmess-exe]

a few of the jokes i heard at this small stand-up joint the other night were unfunny in that confused, ""edgy"" way when people try to jump on the bandwagon of [x subject] joke but have no actual personal relation to or opinion of the subject.

so basically they need me.

[solosatan]

the best laid plans (satan/mc)

came across these flower prompts and felt particularly inspired by two of them because i felt like it really encapsulated the very early stages of lydia (my mc) and satans’ relationship also i promised the occasional original content so, here’s a very self-indulgent piece lol)

i might reblog the orignal prompt list too if anyone wanted to request something too -- this blog is still starting up so idk how much reach this is going to get especially for being self indulgent so if this flops ignore that last bit LMAO

pairing/basic info:

satan/gn mc (mc is named bc this is self indulgent and also written in 3rd person (mostly satan’s pov) but like, you could easily skim past the name)

prompt(s):

Acacia - a hidden relationship 

Tulip - an act of affection so blatant everyone someone notices

content warnings/general tags

minor swearing + a fade to black sort of ns/fw ref. still, minors dni, thanks! not extremely canon compliant (some of the details of lessons 19 & 20 are changed) but also not-not canon compliant -- spoliers for the newt syrup arc in s2 (cannot remember where that happened lol)

getting together/early relationship type story, very fluffy, very indulgent. lots of relationship discussion. also i’m a firm believer in the demons can sense others indulging in their sin headcanon so, guess where that goes.

~2k words, this really got away from me.

Seeing Lydia in person again after so many months apart had left Satan sitting, very uncomfortably, with a bundle of nerves sitting in his stomach. The months spent dancing around each other over the course of the exchange program. His almost-confession which he, like a coward, had pulled out of at the last moment, afraid they would reject him and leave him alone and heartbroken or, perhaps worse, afraid they would return his feelings and leave them both unsure and hurting after they returned to the human realm. His utter failure to compose himself when they finally, miraculously, did come back to the Devildom. (That one makes him clench his fists so hard his nails cut into his palms. They had fallen -- quite literally -- right into his lap, and he had been too dumbfounded, too stupid to get more than a few words in before every one else realized what had happened and Lydia was caught up in every one else’s excitement.)

So before dinner that evening, Satan could be found pacing between the pillars of books in his room, steeling himself to catch their attention over dinner and, just maybe, to finally confess once they got a minute alone together. He was determined to be charming, take things slowly with them, ensure that he wasn’t about to make an absolute fool out of himself.

Of course... the best laid plans always go to waste, especially where his brothers are concerned. The rest of the night is a blur. The revelation of the newt syrup’s effects. The dawning horror as he thought about what that meant for Lydia and his brothers. The same look reflected back as him as they met his gaze over the table. The rush of heat that came along with that shared glance. The renewed horror overcoming him as he realized what that meant for him, specifically.

How he had fled to his room, unwilling to embarrass himself in front of Lydia for the second time that day, and writhed in his unrelenting desire for what had felt like hours as he waited for Lydia to inevitably check in on him. The way he had blurted out his confession when they finally did come by, stumbling over his words in a plea that he was certain would make them immediately turn tail and run as far away from his room as possible.

The full body shock that had overcome him when, instead of doing just that, they commanded him to kiss them.

The way that the fulfillment of that command should have quelled the pit burning in his stomach, but didn’t -- and wasn’t that strange?

And now, here they were, up far before breakfast and having only recently disentangling from each other upon rising, desperately avoiding eye contact.

“So,” Lydia began, drawing out the vowel as if to give themselves as much time as possible before continuing their sentence, “we should probably talk about last night, yeah?”

Satan flushed, involuntarily recalling the events following their kiss and willing his body to play it cool. “I think that would be for the best, yes.” (Why was he talking like that?)

“Alright then. Well, first off --” Lydia willed themselves to make eye contact with him. “I’m sorry for ordering you to kiss me like that. You were under the influence of that -- fucking -- syrup, and I could have ordered you to do anything else to relieve the effects like I did for the others. That was...” They exhaled humorlessly through their nose. “Not cool of me to do, and I’m sorry.”

Satan paused before answering. “I did want to do that, though -- I would have even without the syrup. You don’t need to feel badly about that.”

“Even if that’s true --”

“It is true.”

Lydia shot him a playful, annoyed look, fighting back a grin. “Even though that’s true, that’s... not how I wanted our first kiss to go.”

“So you’ve thought about our first kiss?”

Lydia exploded bright red. “I mean...” Their eyes darted around, as if to look for an escape route. Satan laughed despite himself, snapping them back to reality. “Okay, yes! Maybe... Okay, dozens of time both before and after I left the Devildom -- are you happy?”

“And how did you imagine it going then?” Satan raised his eyebrows at them, gently needling their clear embarrassment at their confession.

Lydia smacked his arm. “That’s not important right now -- and frankly --” they gestured between the two of them, “kind of a moot point right now, wouldn’t you say?”

“I’d still like to know,” Satan teased.

Lydia groaned, flopping back down onto the pillow and covering their face. “I’ll tell you later,” they grumbled, peering out from between their fingers. Satan laughed.

“Okay well, ruined first kiss aside...” He gulped, suddenly at a loss for words. “How are you feeling... about all of this?”

Lydia sat up, looking equally lost. “Honestly? Really good. I mean, don’t tell the others, but you’re... kind of the biggest reason I jumped at the first chance to come back here.”

Satan’s face grew heated as he processed their admission, but before he could even think of what to say, they continued, now rambling:

“I mean. I guess I’m a bit nervous too, y’know? Like obviously I had kind of anticipated taking things a bit more slowly but...” They laughed again. “That’s kind of out the window now.”

“Agreed.”

“Not to mention the fact that all hell is -- quite literally -- going to break loose when everyone else finds out.”

Satan froze. He hadn’t even thought about that.

“Well,” he began, “we don’t have to tell them right away.” He shot them a conspiratorial look before realizing how else his words might be interpreted. “Not that I want to keep this a secret, I mean.” He re-calibrated again, thinking about how that might be misinterpreted. God, he was fucking this up. “Not that I see this as some sort of conquest or -- or victory or something -- I just mean --”

Lydia cut him off with a gentle kiss, threading her hands through his hair. “I know what you mean,” they laughed, smiling as they broke the kiss. “I think you’re right -- keeping things low-key for now would probably be for the best. It saves us from the relentless questioning you know we’re going to get and gives us time to figure out what our relatio--” they paused, forcing themselves not to make a rather embarrassing assumption about what Satan might want, “ -- what we’re doing.”

Satan coughed, suddenly wanting to avert his eyes again. “Well, for my part, I... am obviously very enamored with you.” (Why was he talking like that again?) “So, if you’re as interested as I am,” he tore his gaze from the floor and forced himself to look at them, face flushed, “I’d really like to pursue a real relationship with you.” (Sweet merciful fuck, that had come out clunky! What was wrong with him?) He rushed to rephrase: “I mean to say, I don’t want to leave things here,” he gestured to the bed, “I’d like to be with you, genuinely.”

Lydia’s eyes widened and Satan heard his heart beating far too loudly in his ears while he waited for them to respond. After what felt like ages, they finally replied, in a near-whisper, “I’d like that too.”

He leaned in to kiss them, smiling desperately against their lips as his heart soared, and relishing in the way that they leaned into it, returning his feelings measure for measure.

And then his morning alarm erupted into noise, thoroughly ruining their blissful moment. He shot his D.D.D. into the wall with an almost unintentional burst of magic (he’d have to fix that later) before breaking the kiss. “If we want to keep this under wraps,” he grimaced, “we’d better sneak you out of here before the others wake up.”

They nodded, resolutely, moving to get out of bed before realizing they were still fully nude. They flushed, face hot. Satan, realizing the same, gave her a playful wink before dutifully covering his eyes.

“You know it’s a little bit late for modesty,” he laughed, nearly unable to contain himself as he felt Lydia smack his arm playfully.

“I know that, but... still! I don’t want the next time you see me like this to be when I’m rushing around to find my clothes.” That shut him up right away, as his mind immediately zoned in on the promise of a “next time.”

Within seconds, Lydia had snapped him out of his thoughts. “You can open your eyes now,” they said, pulling his hands off of his face and giving him a quick peck, “I’ll see you at breakfast, yeah?”

He grinned, already looking forward to it. He watched as they made their way to the door before calling out to her.

“Wait, Lydia? Were you serious when you said that you didn’t order my brothers to do anything... like that to negate the effects?”

They stared at him blankly for a moment before bursting out laughing. “Yes, dummy! How could you even ask that?” They attempted to sober themself, still shaking. “I made Lucifer give me a very expensive bottle of Demonus from his stores,” they grinned. “He made me give it back right away, of course, but still, you would have loved it.” With that, they winked and left the room.

He laughed as they left the room, resolving to find a way to steal the bottle back for them when he had the opportunity.

____

Breakfast was, mercifully, off to an uneventful start -- although he found himself unable to make eye contact with Lydia as they all discussed the events of the night before.

Lydia slapped Beel’s hand away as he tried to sneak a piece of bacon from their plate, giving him a faux-steely gaze for a moment before softening and giving him the piece anyways. They turned their attention to Lucifer, tuning back into the conversation.

“I still can’t believe you made me give that bottle back, Lucifer,” they rolled their eyes, “so stingy.”

Lucifer bristled and shot Satan a glare in an attempt to silence his resulting chuckle. “If you really thought that I was going to let you keep that, Lydia,” he began, switching his gaze back over to them, “you’re an idiot.”

Lydia stuck their tongue out at him in response. Lucifer looked flabbergasted for the briefest of moments, before composing himself again. Satan locked eyes with Lydia across the table, and they both devolved into childish giggles. God  this felt good.

Asmo, for his part, went rigid in his seat as he took in the scene before him, and immediately locked eyes with Satan. Shit.

“So, Satan,” Asmo began, doing very little to hide the lilt in his voice. “You were the last one to get... taken care of last night,” his eyes flashed, and Satan saw Lydia pale across the table. “How did it feel? Was it just unbearable? Tell me everything.”

“I’m not doing that.”

Asmo huffed exaggeratedly. “Fine,” he relented, “but I at least want to know what Lydia blackmailed you into doing in exchange for relief.” He sighed. “You know, I was really looking forward to using those bath bombs for myself, Lydia,” he whined, shooting them a half-serious glare.

“They can always give them back to you, Asmo,” Lucifer chimed in, draining the rest of his morning coffee. Lydia looked back at Satan and made a face.

“Please, Lucifer, I’m hardly as selfish as you,” Asmo rolled his eyes before turning his gaze back on Lydia and Satan, who were both distracted by trying to outdo the other’s silent Lucifer-impression. Suspicions confirmed, then. “Besides,” he continued, “I’m much more interested in what Satan and Lydia got up to the other night.”

Lydia froze. “Sorry to disappoint, but I just used the opportunity to borrow one of the more rare books in his collection -- I’ve been trying to learn more about the reapers for my thesis, and figured I had a good bargaining chip.”

Satan smirked, they were a good liar, but he knew that it wasn’t going to fool Asmo, at least. Still, they’d better make sure the others didn’t catch on. “You know, I would have gladly loaned you that book without being coerced into doing so -- you’re welcome to borrow from me at any time, Lydia.”

Asmo stared between them, unimpressed, for the briefest of seconds before shrugging. “Oh well, I was hoping that at least one of us got to do something more exciting, but I guess our Lydia is too much of a cruel opportunist for that.” He wiped a fake tear from the corner of his eyes before returning to his breakfast. Satan and Lydia exhaled in relief, resolving to thank Asmo for keeping their secret later that day.

[mxvladdy]

Barbatos- True Form

It’s here! Thx for your patience's I hope it’s worth it :<

Last but not least for this series is: Belphegor  

Of all the demons you’ve met, he unnerves you the most. Not because of his demeanor or temperament. No, no you genuinely like him and his company. There is just something about him that unnerves you sometimes. He is just so hard to place.

You see- how can I explain this. The brothers are easy to understand’ easy to neatly categorize and compartmentalize in your mind as friend or foe. For as ancient as they are you do share some common traits. Family lineage for one. Traceable origins. It’s familiar, it’s comforting.

Hells, even Diavolo has an origins, a genealogy one could trace. A family made of stone flesh and blue blood. (He’d be happy to tell you about it too- if you have a few eons to waste).

But Barbatos? Barbatos had just always been- here...there? From the context clues you’ve picked up from Lucifer and Diavolo he was older than even the great kings of the past. He even helped raise the crown price. He grew in experience and expanded his talents, but never aged. Did he have kin? A bloodline? Hell did he even bleed? His very existence raises the hackles of your self preservation skills. 

If he is older than the old kings is he old then the concept of time itself? Does the idea of time really exist to him at all? 

The odd fight or flight feelings he gives you lessen and disappear over time though. He knows he can be quite uncomfortable to the human psychic and evolutionary survival traits instilled in you after hundreds of thousands of years fighting to the top of the food chain. 

It took you a bit, but one day you finally warm up enough to ask him about- well him. How he works, and what is relation with the idea of time even is. It was shot in the dark question. He is a notoriously private demon. But for you he will open up a little. Besides it’s not like you could do anything with the information anyway. Just promise to never tell Solomon. 

The best he can explain time to a mortal is in an analogy. If time was an object it would best be described as a stream or creek to him. And all the little minnows and guppies trapped in it’s currents were the beings of the three realms. While they are bound by the waters he would be the one standing on the riverbank. 

Most of the time he is happy enough to walk alongside the flow. Other times he enjoys simply dipping his feet in and watch it all pass him by seeing what it all does without his intervention. 

Others he’ll slip in himself and gauge out new deviations and channels of his own. He loves to see what flourishes in his hand crafted areas without intervention.

He does confide in you however. Despite his age and maturity he can still slip up from time to time. He is not infallible after all. Barbatos’s corporeal existence depends heavily on his emotional state and mental fortitude. If he is not careful he has a tendency to just-get swept up. 

One moment he is having a delightful time with you over a fresh pot of tea and the next… You had a lovely funeral. Wait- hmmm no. Honestly, humans can be so gaudy sometimes. He was actually offended on your behalf. The flowers weren’t even freshly cut. 

Ah well. Once he is stable he’ll simply dam this stream and kill the flow before this travesty would happen. Now where was he? Ah yes, do you think this blend goes better with Madame Screams or a human bakery? 

Truthfully Barbatos doesn’t use his abilities all that often. It gets boring real quick. But sometimes he is tempted. Anything to do with you is a struggle to be exact. Most streams involving you he is happy to let slip by. All the ones of you falling for the brothers, or his highness, even the angel. There are even a few of you falling for Solomon. Those he doesn’t wise to see. 

But the streams where you fall for him? The itch to look is overwhelming. Just a peek, a small taste of your favor. What had he done to make you his? Did he have a chance in this timeline? He always loved a good mystery. So he’ll bide his time and wait. 

Now naturally there are some other rules to his existence. Being constantly hyper vigilant of himself can get exhausting and he needs to rest. He doesn’t sleep though, not by human standards anyway. You’ve walked in on him “resting” once or twice. He calls it a stasis period. To you he looks like he’s frozen. Stock still and just standing there in his room. His lanky form flickering in and out of focus. After images appear around him, hundreds of different hims there but not. 

It’s an absorption stage, or so he explains. All the input from the trillion parts of hims scattered about all sharing like a hive mind their encounters and experiences. This is the one time every version of him is in sync and very vulnerable. 

While he can convene with all his scattered parts of him in stasis he still cannot be in the same visible area as them. One of the two would have to yield to the other. The weaker one reabsorbed quite violently. It is a most unpleasant feeling. 

After exerting large amounts of energy and not resting it can take him a bit to recover, and it is very noticeable. He lags hard after such instances, literally. The first time you saw him snapping and rubberbanding around the castle gave you a few more grey hairs then was normal for your age. He’s normally smooth movements were now choppy and stiff. It would have been funny if you weren’t so worried for his well being. The only thing to stop him is Diavolo himself having to throw his weight and power around to get him to rest. He hates being reprimanded. 

Don’t get me wrong though. He loves serving the royal family. The years spent in the Devildom have been an utterly delightful vacation. The menial labor and tasks keeps his mind anchored in the present and mutes all the other voices of him to a manageable static. 

Now when it comes to his form quite frankly even he has forgotten what he originally looks like. He has been in this form for so long he might as well call it his original form. You ask to see it once, beyond curious. If you could see it that was. Was he like Dia? A formless form? A mass of contradicting layers stack one on one on top of each other?

He is hesitant to say the least. He consults with himself on this. Have any of the others come across this yet? If not he promises to look into it for you. He practices with Simone, knowing that aside from Solomon he knows the limits of a human. Once certain he comes to you delighted to share himself with you.

He is so smol small. His form fitting neatly in the palm of your hand. He is warm and pulses like with a faint heartbeat. You can’t really make heads or tails of what his defined form really is though. His tiny form is covered in a glowing haze flicks of distorted images and sounds invade your senses whenever you hold him. But one thing you can sense in some kind of bony nodules and slender legs. Thousands of them all skittering and tickling your flesh, like an obscenely long centipede.

Now that you know of this form he likes to pop up from time to time when he misses you. His favorite spot to appear is in the breast pocket of your uniform. It’s dark and quiet and close to your heart. While he can’t talk in this form, the physical closeness is enough for the both of you. 

Mini Fic

“Be honest with me. Which one of me is your favorite?” You flip over onto your pleasantly full stomach. His tea sandwiches and cakes make you feel sleepy. You stretch out with a grunt of happiness enjoying all the little touches that were distinctly Barbatos. The blanket protecting you from the early morning dew smelt of elderflower and juniper. The fleece material was a personal favorite, soft, warm, and perfect. Even the foods had all been your favorites. He had crafted this all with you in mind. Surely you were the favorite. If he would put this much effort into it.

The demon in question hums from his chair. A steaming cup of tea resting lightly on his bottom lip. A perplexing thought. Each one of you was a delight to his many senses, so similar, yet so different at the same time. Like a reflection in a broken mirror. Each one so stunning and vivacious in a way only a human could be. Yet so few even glanced his way. “Does a parent have a treasured child?” He quips back. 

Your peal of laughter warms him better than any tea. “Ha! You must be an only child then.” You snort. He matches your smile, pleased that you were pleased. 

“Perhaps-” He takes a sip cutting off that train of thought there. He didn’t need to sour a pleasant morning with such melancholy questions. Was he an only child? Surely he at least had a sire. If he had such kin would they have not met by now? He was on every plane of existence that he knew of. Had they missed each other? Slipping past each other like ships in the night.

More likely they would be more like two similar ends of a magnet being forcibly kept away by their molecular structure than merely missed chances. Incapable of existing in the same dimension at the same time.

Ignorant to his inner turmoil you flip back over to your back eyeing the snack tray he refilled. “How much longer now?” He checks his pocket watch then looks out at the carnage below them.

The Battle of Omosu was in full swing. The ancient warriors below oblivious to the strangely dressed human and otherworldly man sitting on top of a neighboring cliffside to observe the preordained outcome. “Any moment- now pay attention.” He chastises you but without any heat. Pocketing his watch he comes to sit beside you on the fleece blanket. You scoot closer, happy to have his naturally warmer body beside you. The heat of which fends off the cold sea breeze. “There, look.” He points to a growing patch of bubbles by one of the enemy ships. 

The water turns turbulent, oily green, and black bubbles foaming on top of the surface. “Wow.” It was all you could manage to whisper. 

Leviathan enters the fray now, called forth by his pact barer. The great serpent emerges like a ghost from the depths. Invisible to the other mortals you watch fascinated as his massive tail wraps around a boat crushing it as easily as if it were a stick. Another capsizes, getting pushed away by his massive shoulder. 

The sailors fall into the choppy water mouths open in silent screams. They would not survive after hitting the water. Levi’s legion waits below, ready to drag them deeper down. Their bodies will be added to the Devildom navy. Something dark and humanoid darts around the remaining boats. From what you remember from class Levi had called forth an umibozu from the nearby depth for this fight. Its bloated grey body jostles the boats knocking more sailors overboard whole. The two of them make fast work of the enemy ships. The human sailors pick off the rest.

“Quite impressive.” Barbatos remarks. “I can see why humans want to make deals all the time. But what a terrible cost, don't you think?” 

“What’s going to happen to the pact holder?” You ask. 

“Depends on whatever Levi feels like. Mostly his holders are trapped in the depths of his realms. Left to the devices of their victims. But each brother is different.” The air around you both grows thick with your sudden fear. You rub subconsciously where your pact mark rested, eyes blank. 

He places a firm hand on your thigh bringing your focus back to him. “Don’t worry. Like I said the choice is up to the demon that holds the pact. I doubt you would be advantageous to the royal navy.” You chuckle weakly, still rubbing at the growing chill climbing up your arm. “Will this be enough for your project?” He removes his hand begrudgingly away from your soft leg. “It is getting late.”

You nod glancing back down to the battle. It was already over-with the great sea beasts and demons in the water, Takeda’s forces didn’t stand a chance. You don’t wait to see Levi’s victory lap. “Yes, thank you for your help.” You accept his help in picking up your books and supplies. “I hope Kinz is happy with this.” You had been having a bit of trouble in your history class with Professor Kinz. Nothing major, you had assured him. But if it continued your ranking within the school would be at risk, and with it your scholarships. 

“Any time.” Barbatos moves an elegant hand to the center of your back escorting you away from the edge. A door slowly emerges from within the mist. He grabs the semi-translucent knob and opens it for you. “I know it will be more than satisfactory.” 

“Ye?” You adjust your pack’s shoulder strap bracing yourself for the weirdness of time travel. “Think you can give me next week's lotto numbers? I’m asking for a friend.” Your teasing pulls a deep rumble from him. It was all in good fun, but truth be told he came to find that not keeping one of his many eyes on you had the most enjoyable outcomes. You little human ramblings and witty comebacks being one of them. You at least weren’t afraid to joke around him. 

“Now, who said I did anything of the sort?” He chuckles. Keeping a firm grip on your forearm he ushers you through the threshold. You clung to him hating the sticky feeling of the space between time. It clung to your skin, thousands of webs grab and pull at your clothes knowing that you were not supposed to be outside of their control. You were envious of the fact that you couldn’t experience it the way Barabatos did. To him, this was nothing more than the feel of a cool shower. The pulls of time merely buffering off of him. Hardly a threat like it was to you. 

He sees you off at the gate to the house bowing deeply as you hop up the front stairs waving at him. You had to hurry lest you be late for dinner. Once you had disappeared through the door he melds into the timestream once more emerging in front of your classroom. A week had passed and your paper was due. He was excited to see what you had gotten and just didn’t feel like waiting this time. He could indulge from time to time. 

The bell rings and your class files out. They pay him no mind. The prince’s butler was nothing to gawk at. He counts heads. His frown deepens when you do not appear from the lecture hall. Kinz leaves the room last, her heels clacking obnoxiously on the marble. “Oh! Good afternoon Barbatos, are my services needed by the prince?” She smiles showing far too many teeth to be considered polite. Their mutual dislike of each other was a poorly kept secret. But she had a talent that Diavolo needed; for the moment. 

He matches her predatory smile. “I was here looking for our esteemed exchange student.” Her smile falters, her hackles raising for a moment before her face goes blank. 

“They didn’t show up today.” She flicks her tail dismissively. “You know how pathetic humans are.” She challenges him, locking eyes with him like the fool she was. 

“Hmm. I do not share this sentiment, but it is unusual to have them miss class.” All airs of pleasantly evaporate from him. The cold fury of his ire permeates the narrow hallway. Kinz flinches, breaking eye contact with him. Her weak attempt at dominance is gone. “A moment if you will-” His voice brittle and laced with malice. “I shall return for you later.” He bows shallowly and blinks out of existents leaving the woman quaking in the hall. 

________________________________________________________________

An insult, a complete violation of the rules set by Diavolo himself. If the celestial council caught wind of such a flagrant disregard for your mental well being- the program would be in jeopardy. Hiding your death had been hard enough. But a room full of demons acting out unsupervised? 

Barbatos struggles to control himself. He could feel his grasp on himself waver with each passing second. His very self unraveling at the seams. Your tears fuel his rage.

Kinz stands over you mocking your relentlessness in front of your peers since the brothers were not present in the class. You had been so excited to test your merit on your own, believing that after getting to know the student body you could handle it. Diavolo approved, figuring his name and the program's initiative was enough to protect you- at least on campus. In theory, it seemed like a good idea, you were well liked among the student body. But that same feeling didn’t bleed over to this particular teacher it seems. A grave error on the councils’ part. 

Barbatos watches along with the rest of the silent class as Kinz burns your paper at the front of the lecture hall, berating you for “showing off” and “abusing your statues for brownie points”. You leave halfway through the start of class. A trail of salty tears and ashes left behind in your wake. 

Such disgustingly uncouth behavior. To a guest of the prince no less. To you. 

He arrives inside Diavolo’s office in a blur, filling the empty air by his prince’s side. The younger demon used to the sudden comings and goings of his most trusted ally didn't even look up from his paperwork. “Something the matter? You are getting a little wispy around the edges.” Diavolo asks signing off on a form. 

Barbatos inhales deeply focusing on his present self. The unneeded action of breathing, the expanding and contracting of his chest cavity was soothing. Not necessary for him, but nice. Yet another odd quirk he had picked up during his time in the Devildom. “Kinz has been putting the program in jeopardy.” He grinds out once he finally locks himself back in. 

“Oh?” Diavolo dips his pen in its ink well. “That is quite unfortunate for her. Do you suggest a council meeting on the matter?” Barbatos bites his cheek. 

“I believe her offense far outweighs just a slap on the wrist. I believe her tenure should be revoked. This isn’t her first strike.” 

Diavolo chuckles resting back in his chair. He gives his full attention to his butler who was bustling around the room, tiding an already spotless room. “I haven’t seen you this bloodthirsty since those scribes in Alexandria poked at you.” 

“I gave them a fair warning. As I have with Kinz.” He bristles. Diavolo waves a hand, willing to listen. “Kinz has taken up public humiliation and verbal abuses since the brothers are not around to interject. You know how she is. This will only accelerate in time if not nipped now.” 

“Is that what you see?” 

“I don’t need to to know.” 

Diavolo sighs deeply, weighing the pros and cons of losing such an asset. He already knew his verdict, as did Barbatos. Even without his powers, they both knew either one of them would bend for you. “Fine.” He returns to his desk of papers. “I will let you do as you please. Just don’t tangle things up too much.” 

“Thank you, my lord.” 

In a way, it was a pity. Kinz is- well- was one of the Devildom’s more esteemed historians. Her place amongst the upper echelon had been a commendable feat. She certainly lasted longer than the archivist and scribes that had come before her. 

 Barbatos stares in disgust at his once stark white gloves. But better soil a pair of gloves or two then touch her wretched corpse with his bare hands. Ugh. Was that some viscera on his wingtips? The cruor of it turns purple as it oxidizes in the open air. Perhaps he had gone a bit overboard. Though to him, it was merited. She had been a pain in his ass for years. Plus the past thirty or so versions of her had put up a bit of a fight. Once even he had walked in on a reflection of him taking her down for some other transgressions. He rolls his shoulders as a phantom twitch shoots up his spin. Merging consciousness was unbearable. Yet, as he went about his duties “cleaning” he realized he would handle as many as needed to see you safe. Fascinating. 

At first, he had debated with himself on at least keeping a few versions of Kinz around. While he universally hated her, there were a few less volatile Kinz floating around. If only to steal her work for the prince and his goals. But even without her, her discoveries and advancements would be found by others. He had even found a diamond in the rough, a potential successor. Given time to grow and which paths they take they could benefit Diavolo greatly. Even more than her. A gamble he was happy to take. With that discovery, Kinz’s faith was sealed. She was set to be only a figment of a memory left in his mind. The rest of the universe will never remember her.

 ______________________________________________________________

You stare bewildered at the aged bronze plaque on the door. Something about it didn’t sit well with you. But damned if you could place it. It had something to do with the name. Des Moines...Moines? Who in the hells was that? You glance at your schedule like it was your first day of school instead of your 150th. 

Room 325- Demonic history: Professor Des Moines Riel.

This can’t be right. Where was Kinz? You grab at your head crying out at the sudden violent throbbing that erupted between your eyes. The queasiness it caused was beyond description. It was enough to send you to your knees. Indecipherable images layer themselves in your mind, folding and stacking on top of each other. The mounting pressure scares you and then-

Nothing.

Bliss and clarity. Like sucking in a breath of fresh air after a near death experience. What were you thinking about again? How did you end up on the floor? Shaking yourself from your stupor you stumble back to your feet. The school hallway was too stuffy for some reason. You needed to walk away, especially from this door. Just looking at it made your stomach clench. Yes, you needed some fresh air. That’s all. 

“Is something wrong?” Patent leather shoes appear beside you matching your hurried gate effortlessly. You shake your head, not trusting yourself to open your mouth lest you start feeling ill again. Barbatos stops you with a gentle hand on your waist. He scrutinizes you, teal eyes roving over every inch of you. Shucking a glove he places a warm palm on your forehead. “You are clammy.” 

“I’m fine.” You lie through your locked jaw. “Just got dizzy for a second.” He looks alarmed. “Don’t worry about it- probably just one of those mysteries of the school.” 

“I’m not worried about it, but you on the other hand.” He looks up from your flushed face to the hallway you had vacated in such a hurry. The history wing. Could you? Impossible. “Is there an issue inside the department?” Had he missed something? 

“What? Oh, no really! Everything is great! I think.” You lean into his hand now resting idly on your cheek. It felt so good compared to your cold skin. “I just- I could have sworn. Is Riel new?” You rub at the bridge of your nose. A knot was growing between your eyes now. “Where is Kin-Kinel? You draw a blank. A name was on the tip of your tongue. You glance up at Barbatos. His hand on your cheek becoming stiff. “What?”

“Nothing my dear.” He recovers smoothly. The hand on your cheek slides down to your shoulder. “Perhaps you should sit out of this class for today? You sound like you're overworking yourself. I’ll make a note of it to Diavolo and Lucifer so it won’t be counted against you.” 

“I- don’t think that’s wise,” You argue meekly. “I have a paper to work on for this class-”

Barbatos ignores your weak plea. Drawing you close to his side he steers you down to the lower floor. “Nonsense. Why don’t we spend some time together? I can help you with that paper later as a trade.”

Hmm. That wasn’t a bad idea. If any demon could get you out of class and help you make it up it would be him. Maybe a little break would be good for you. Though you can’t remember why you needed it in the first place. 

[seoracle]

DRIVERS LICENSE; i

Pairing: Bang Chan x Idol! Gender Neutral Reader

Genre: Fake Dating! AU, Angst, Lovers to Enemies(?), Occasional Pining, Comedy, S for potential smut(??)

Summary: Y/N has become an overnight sensation with ‘Drivers License’, Breaking records left and right...But what if the press gets wind of the ill-matched lovers and their company decide it’s the perfect attention ploy?

Word Count: 3.2K

Warnings: Swearing (a lot near the end), Drinking mention

A/N: this was meant to be a drabble... now it’s becoming a series...i’m sorry

“...and the winner of Inkigayo today is...Y/N with ‘Drivers License, Congratulations!”

You step towards the center of the stage and take the trophy and bouquet from a rookie idol, who flashes a bright smile at you, but you can see the envy in his eyes. You once had that same hunger and ambition that he seems to reek of, it’s a reminder of how far you’ve come.

Taking the mic, you begin to sing a more sultry and edgier vibe than usual, which seems to gather more screams from fans than usual. You remember what Seulgi taught you and gaze at the camera lens with a subtle pout, trying to capture the angst of the song in your gaze.

It feels ridiculous, feigning emotions you no longer feel, singing a song you begged the company not to put out in a corset fitted shirt that’ll leave your ribs sore and reddened. It’s pathetic and cliche, you quite literally sold your soul (well, heart) for fame. 

“Yeah, you said forever, now I drive alone past your street…”

Everyone behind you waves at the camera, signalling the show is ending. You leave last, taking several confetti bits for your scrapbook, which is the only thing keeping you from remembering this is all real. 

Backstage, Iris and San are waiting in your dressing room, they greet you with proud grins and slaps on the back. 

“Well, if it isn’t miss twelve...no, thirteen wins in two weeks.” San praises, enveloping you in a hug.

“Could be thirteen by tomorrow~” Hums Iris in a sing-song tone.

A groan leaves your lips, while slumping into an uncomfortable chair. You tune out their excited plans for your makeup and hair tomorrow, San says something about an end of year Award show.

All you want is to go home to your empty dormitory and sleep.

When you finally arrive to the ‘comfort’ of your ‘studio apartment’ (box room), it isn’t long before you strip down to your pyjamas and aggressively rub off the layers of makeup that seem to cling to every pore and fine line of your face. The cold air from the fan soothes the aching of your body from your strict workout routine. You stay awake until 4am, reading comments from netizens and replying to fans on your fancafe, it  was hard not to become obsessed with checking what people thought; whether they loved or loathed you.

[+184 -93] Y/N is talented, but they look devoid of emotion since last week...maybe singing a song so personal isn’t a good idea….what if the person it’s about hears it…..

User FYL**8 was right, it had become draining trying to convey emotions you’d long let go of. Your debut song was fresh and fun, it didn’t garner much attention but at least you hadn’t had to fake emotions and relive your first heartbreak.

Although the memories of the breakup didn’t hurt as much, the happiest ones were the most painful. The feeling of ignorance, thinking he meant forever and believing him completely...it was all so distant yet felt a fingertip away.

That night you slept with a heavy heart, remembering what it felt like when he’d hold you close and right and kiss you on the head to soothe your worries. Why did it have to end? Why like that? You try to drift into a nice sleep after another exhausting day but to no avail, thoughts of him are flooding every thought. Has he heard it? There was no way he hadn’t, he loved to check out every ranking song for inspiration or for another artist to add to his monthly playlist. 

Would he get angry? Sad? Laugh at your pathetic feelings? He was right in the end, when it came down to it you only shared your feelings when it was too late.

Stupid Christopher fucking Bang.

It wasn’t often you’d refer to him as Chan, you had met him when he only saw it as another name for himself that he hardly used. Back when his hair had been fluffed up curls that he couldn’t contain and his light freckles weren’t covered by BB Cream. When he didn’t belong to the world and only loved you.

After months of forcing yourself not to, you hastily search “Stray kids Bang Chan + Y/N”, Then “Stray Kids Y/N” and finally “Skz Y/N”. The results are minimal and far inbetween, mostly tweets from fans wishing for a collab and oddly enough one person making edited photos of you and them, which are so convincing you have to remind yourself you hadn’t met them.

Thoughts drift to his friends, the ones who didn’t know Chris was even seeing someone and had been for over a year. They tried to sugarcoat it, say they forgot, it’s hard to keep track when you’re training and all that. 

The sinking feeling you felt when Minho asked how long you’d been together, guessing a month at most. When you did reply, ears burning with embarrassment he coughed and muttered “Oh.’, That had stung.

Everything had seemed so perfect, until you opened your eyes and saw it for what it was.

You don’t end up sleeping much, two hours at most, Then it’s time to get ready and head to the Broadcast Studio for today’s event. All you know is it’s a show about giving advice, the reviews aren’t great but you aren’t allowed to turn anything down because fame is a double-edged sword that you can barely grasp as is.

Iris and San are already waiting for you when you get there, within minutes makeup is being patted into your skin and your outfit is laid out on the chair next to you.

“Sleep more, Y/N-ah, I had to use a double coverage concealer to hide your dark circles.” Iris said in a fretful tone.

“I try, it’s hard being famous.” You reply jokingly, flipping your hair the best you can. Iris smacks your hand away and frantically finds her hairspray.

Within twenty minutes you’re dressed and not one hair is out of place, San pulls you aside with an uncharacteristically stern face. 

“The company have specific goals for sending you here, they want you to delve into a story of heartbreak to comfort today’s victim, while keeping anonymity and remaining as vague as you can.” 

Of course, even a show about helping others is fictional.

You nod solemnly and prepare to go on air, sitting on a cushion next to a popular comedian who doesn’t bother to even look at you. A well-known Streamer is on your other side and you begin polite small talk, which seems to irritate the host.

“We’re on in 3,2….1!” A sharp click follows the director’s queue and the host bursts right into the introduction.

After you’re introduced it’s easy to tune out, you couldn’t give a shit about that stuck-up comedian and the actress to their right. Instead you think of how the fuck you’re supposed to conjure up an emotional performance with little to no time to prepare.

‘My ex-boyfriend hid me for almost two years’ no, not even worthy of a cheap gossip magazine. ‘I thought my boyfriend loved me, turns out he loved his career more’ Maybe...but you sound too needy. 

“Today’s guest is Lee Chaeun of Suwon! Tell us your story, please.” 

You turn to look at the guest who walks onto the set and sits at the head of the pillow mats. She’s clearly a young girl, her baby face is covered by face-framing layers of shiny black hair and her eyes are already glassy.

“Last year, I began dating my crush after years of admiring him from afar...Everything seemed so perfect until last week….He dumped me by text message saying he needed space and now he’s with someone new..” Chaeun bursts into tears and the host fakes a sympathetic face and passes her a box of tissues.

“Ah, you’re young...you don’t know anything yet. This is a normal phase for teenagers, men realise themselves and break girls down so they become beautiful women. It’s just a case of a little girl not wanting to grow up!” Chimes in the Comedian, who talks about his falsities as if they’re facts.

The audience erupts into laughter and the heartbroken teenager lowers her head in embarrassment. Which only makes you more enraged, Who told that guy he was funny?

“Chaeun has every right to be upset!” You exclaim, cutting through the laugher like a hot knife. “When a relationship ends when everything seems alright for one person, it's cruel. Being blindsided isn’t a joke. It hurts and she deserves closure, and to move on someday to a better person..What happened to her shouldn’t happen to anyone!”  You barely register a gentle hand on top of yours, far too surprised by the fact there are tears dripping down your face. Crying wasn’t an option, so you pull yourself together and apologise to Chaeun and the host you cannot stand.

“Y/N, You seemed personally moved by Chaeun’s story, have you experienced a painful breakup?” The host asks curiously.

“You could say that,” You begin with a wry smile. “I was with someone who lived a double life, they were completely different when they were with other people...Things ended when I was still planning for future dates...it made me realise how fake they were.”

The guests all nod and you squeeze Chaeun’s hand, she smiles at you seeming relieved that she isn’t the only one who has felt this kind of pain. 

Everything goes smoothly after that, other guests chime in and the actress that seemed snobby is openly discussing her ex vomiting all over her Valentinos. You can’t help but wonder if the company really suggested this, or if it was divine intervention (Choi San, your manager). 

You don’t feel so alone anymore, everyone is guaranteed several things, two being love and heartbreak of some kind. 

“Thanks to singer Y/N and actress Sojung, Chaeun was able to feel a little better...Thank you for joining us on ‘Help No Counsellor!’, Join us next week when…’

“Choi San, you sneaky bastard.”

He tries to act surprised but a shit-eating grin soon overtakes his acting, Iris shakes her head and zips her makeup bag closed. It isn’t long until you’re all at The Min’s enjoying red bean bread and warm tea.  “What does inept even mean? I’m assuming it’s a good thing because Wooyoung kissed me after saying it.” San mentions, his lips curving upwards at the fond memory.

“I’d have to agree with Woo, it fits you perfectly.” You reply, circling around his question while Iris tries not to choke on her food.

Fits of laughter die down when you spot a familiar face, Lee Mijoo. 

Her blonde hair flows down her back in loose curls and her soft eyes seem to enchant everyone, admittedly even you for a short time.Behind her is a slightly taller figure dressed in all black and your stomach drops.They don’t seem to notice your presence, so you decide to use this valuable time to hide behind a menu. 

San and Iris try to play along best they can, but it is quite distressing that all of this has happened so suddenly, with no prior warning. But he did bring you here, a lot. So it’s amusing to see his date ideas haven't changed. 

As he’s walking past you he pauses, and you want to shrivel into a hole and die, He’s clearly recognised you but can’t be 100% sure due to The Min’s menu covering your entire face. 

“Y/N?” 

Shit. You cannot hide from this.

Slowly taking the menu away and placing it down on the table you smile at him, maybe a little too forced but it’s the best you can do. His hair is blonde now, his curls are long gone but his smile is as genuine as ever. 

Stupid Christopher Bang and his stupid ‘I-totally-didn’t-break-your-heart’ attitude.

“Chan, nice to see you. Still obsessed with their double shots?” You humoured, he seemed grateful for that.

“Oh, absolutely...and I see you’re still not saving any bean bread for anyone else.” 

You laugh, it’s a bittersweet one at best but nevertheless it’s a laugh.

'Well it’s great to see you again, I’d love to exchange numbers if that’s alright?” 

Without thinking you nod and oblige him, much to your friend’s disappointment which is evident by their glares. Mijoo exchanges smiles with everyone, who could hate her? She was funny, kind hearted and beautiful in every aspect. 

When they finally leave to their outside seats you breathe a sigh of relief and sink into the chair.Iris strokes your hair and San grabs more snacks to go, the walk home isn’t peaceful. It’s awkward and silent, which only makes your head spin more. When you drop off Iris you know a lecture is coming, San hates doing it but you know he tells you what you need to hear, even if it hurts.

“Look, I’m happy you were able to brush off all the hurt today but earlier on you were crying about….this. Don’t give him the power to hurt you twice.”

“You’re right, thanks Sannie.” You reply, taking his arm and smiling at the warmth of his (Wooyoung’s) fuzzy coat. 

Once San leaves and you get inside, it’s a matter of minutes before you hop in the shower and get rid of all the hairspray and mascara that’s been making you itch all day. The warm water soothes away your nerves and the impending frostbite from being outside in the cold for far too long. 

Once you feel clean and somewhat scalded you step out onto warm fluffy towels (cheap warm fluffy towels with holes in them) and get situated for bed.

Just as you exit the bathroom your phone rings and you answer immediately, it’s probably Iris wanting you to play a new Among Us mod with her. 

“Iris?”

“Uh, no, Chris.” 

“Oh.” is your initial reply, why would he call you at midnight?

“Where you asleep? I’m sorry I’ll call back another ti-”

“No!” You interject, much too eagerly. “No...it’s fine. I’m not even in bed yet.”

“Oh” He sounds relieved, much the opposite of you.

“I just wanted to congratulate you...The song, it’s great. What’s it like actually singing one you wrote?”

“Great,” You admit with a smile he can't see, “It feels...genuine. I Couldn't stand the thought of giving the song away.”

“I can see why.” He replies in an unreadable tone.

“Did it make you uncomfortable? Me singing...about-”

“No, why would it?” He cuts in, he sounds slightly agitated.

“Look, Chan, I’m sorry. I should’ve texted you, well I did but you changed your number. But it’s my story too, okay? I needed to heal somehow.”

Minutes pass with no answer, as if he’s trying to think of exactly what to say without getting more irritated or to spare your feelings.

“When did I become Chan?” His voice comes out wavering,and it hurts you.

“That’s what everyone calls you now, you’re not just Chris the trainee anymore.” You reply in a gentle way, trying to ease the building tension.

“But to you, when did I stop being Chris?”

“Probably when you broke my heart,” You deadpan, before adding a ‘kidding’ and bullshit reason.

“You weren’t kidding, but you broke mine too. Don’t make me the bad guy.”

This had taken you aback, you had been in a perfectly happy relationship for almost two years and then he changed his mind, said he wasn’t happy and it wasn’t your fault. When the fuck did you break his heart?

“When exactly did that happen?” You query, “Before or after Mijoo?”

Chan lets out a dry laugh, “Don’t talk about what you don’t understand.”

“Well what does it matter? You never told me shit anyways.” You snapped.

“That’s because you wouldn’t fucking listen. Maybe to you it was all sunshine and roses but I was struggling, I changed and outgrew us. I didn’t want to but you were stuck in dreamland where we’d debut at the same time and live happily ever after. I realised it wasn’t going to happen and set you free so you wouldn’t be embarrassed.”

“Embarrassed?” You bark,”Fucking embarrassed of what exaclty? I left that shithole you call your company by choice and worked my way up. I’m not embarrassed, but you should be. You’re a fucking sellout Christopher Bang.”

Before he can reply you end the call and throw your phone at the wall, it would’ve broken only for the forty dollar case the store assistant convinced you to buy. You burst into tears just like you had that night when it all came crashing down. He must’ve loved seeing you in pain, because he keeps doing it even now.

That night, you wish for everything to go back to a time before him and the heartbreak that followed.

It’s early on a Friday when you’re called into a board meeting with the CEO, Director and San, who looks like someone stepped on his clay masterpiece. You still haven’t been told anything and as the minutes pass by you wonder if they found out about you getting drunk at Club Suran several weeks back. What if someone saw San there too? What if–

Suddenly the doors open and in walks JYP’s CEO, followed by several others and finally Chris. He looks as confused as you, but you quickly look away before he spots you. Last night was still fresh in your mind and you didn’t need anymore reminders or conversations with him.

“Dispatch has sent us several photos of you two together, spanning several years.” Your CEO announces, an Executive pulling the photos up on the screen behind her. “Including one from yesterday.”

“That was a coincidence, we broke up a long time ago.” You admit, she seems satisfied with your answer and nods, which makes you remember that damned dating ban you have.

“Usually, we’d shoot down these rumours immediately...but this could be quite beneficial to both Stray Kids and Y/N.” JYP’s CEO adds, “Stock prices have shown a rise for both of your albums, and real time searches are at an all time high.” 

“I have a girlfriend.” Chan states, arms folded. “So that’s out of the question if you’re implying we fake a relationship.”

“Look Bang Chan,” Begins one of the Advisors, “It’s all for show, we’ll plan every detail and your girlfriend will keep her mouth shut if she knows what's good for her. Frankly, our sales aren't what they used to be and you need this, if you want complete musical and artistic control.”

Chan takes a while to think, you know this is all he’s wanted. Control over everything he and the boys put out there, with no censorship or edits by anyone else. Your CEO assures you you’ll also benefit from the agreement, including your debt fully cleared and money in your bank account as soon as you sign on the dotted line.

“How long does this last?” You ask, pen in hand.

“Twelve months, then you’re free again.” 

Chan looks to you for conformation and you ignore him, signing it and standing up to leave. You only stop to sign more formalities and then you and San head back to your local coffee shop. 

“Well, you sure have a funny way of moving on.”

[fruityoosung]

alter ego

pairing : wonwoo x reader

rating : fluff-ish???? lowkey promiscuos

trigger warning : tattoos, substance usage, wonwoo being hot

“choi y/n you’re with jeon wonwoo” the monotonous deliverance from the TA stemmed a sigh that left your lips subconsciously. you turned your head to the right and a steely, dark and unwavering pair of brown eyes met yours. jeon wonwoo, the quiet, dismissive but very intelligent classmate of yours stared into you for a couple seconds before turning back towards his own assignment on his laptop. you merely nod your head to nothing before the TA dismissed the class, causing the flock of students in the history lecture flee from the lecture hall with grace, ready to end their day or attend their next class. some students hung behind to discuss the matters of the assignment with their designated partners and you decided to do the same.

you took your own sweet time packing your laptop into your backpack before a tall, looming figure casts a shadows upon you. you finally had a clear look of him whilst before your eyesight were betraying you. he’s the typical, lowkey stand off, quiet but very attractive young man, a character you often stumble upon at some point of your life. most times, it was more annoying than attractive to you because people like him are very contemptuous and outrageously pompous. you shot up from your seat and stood in front of him, waiting for him to talk to you first since you didn’t want to leave a bad impression towards your project partner.

“we can work on the project at the uni’s library. is tomorrow afternoon okay for you?” he asked, you didn’t realise how deep his voice actually goes. with the thin-rimmed glasses resting upon the bridge of his nose and the cashmere knitted, cream coloured sweater he was wearing, his voice was very uncanny to hear.

“tomorrow afternoon is fine, i’ll e-mail you the materials and we can work from there.” you replied, it was uncomfortable to you while he stood inches away from you and actively studying your face. he nodded and gripped the strap of his backpack before walking away. you did not know how to feel, you cannot deny his attractiveness and the stroke of heat that travels through your body as he stood close towards you.

this should be fun right?

you waited at the table near the windows with your laptop opened in front of you. you’re currently sorting through the materials and crafting a rough draft of your part of the assignment. wonwoo wasn’t late, you were just very early since the professor of your last class couldn’t make it to the lecture. you didn’t realise the time has passed as you typed through your rough draft until the sound of the wooden chair striking against the floor broke you out of your flow of thoughts. you immediately looked up and saw him sitting down directly across from you. being the somewhat inviting person you are, you decided to acknowledge his presence.

“hi, did you have class prior to this?” you asked, fingers resuming to type last few lines of your last rough draft. ever since the TA assigned the project to the both of you, you’ve never spoken to him verbally other than a few

e-mails regarding the materials and the submission of his rough draft for you to proof read and check. you were astounded to receive that e-mail since it was barely a couple hours since the TA had assigned it. of course, being one of the smartest kids in your class, his rough draft was nearly perfect and you only had to tweak a couple words to fit the theme better.

“i had a business management class.” he replied, his fingers began rapidly typing on the keyboard and it grew silent from there. it was almost distracting.

what’s more distracting is his goddamn features. you discreetly studies him as you finish typing the draft. the way the blue light from the screen reflected onto the lenses of his glasses made his eyes appear glittering almost had your heart lurching. the way he chews on his lips and furrowed his eyebrows as he reread the paragraph he wrote made you notice the warmth spreading on your face.

what the fuck? you swore. you’ll never have a chance with him, for all you know he probably hates your ass.

you shook off your thoughts and opened the google docs app and began typing the actual essay for the assignment. the lines above yours kept increasing and you tried your best to keep up.

what you didn’t notice was the sly smirk and the dark pair of brown eyes travelling towards your face, revelling at the sight in front of him.

he can get use to this

you were deep in your work before his alarm rang. thankfully, no one else was in the library since it was growing late into the evening. you looked up and meet his eyes again. wow, does he have really nice eyes.

“i need to go. i’ll make sure to send in the docs to you latest by tomorrow” he said before frantically packing up. you were dumbfounded. he’s probably late for something but you didn’t bother to ask since it is none of your business.

“it’s alright, this project isn’t due for another three days. you can take your time.” you replied softly, not wanting to stress him out.

“thank you y/n. i’ll see you soon.” he said in his deep tone that made your stomach do a flip. for some reason, you think your name sounds perfect coming from his lips.

since it is getting dark, you probably should leave the building before it gets too late.

you were in a state of boredom. your part of the project has already been done hours after you reached your apartment. to your surprise, the apartment was empty. maybe your roommate decide to stay the night at their boyfriend’s apartment. soon, the boredom slowly became unbearable so you decided to hit up the club for any sort of civilisation.

a seductive, red lip gloss dressed your lips as your fix the earrings dangling from your ears. the all black ensemble you were wearing definitely gave you a sense of high charisma and made you ooze confidence, perfect for a night out and warding off weird men. the heels you were wearing added an extra two inch to your strut. even though it’s probably going to be hell for you to walk in, you sure do look really good.

you took a cab to your favourite underground club, ready to take on the night.

the flashing led lights grabbed your attention as soon as you stepped into the dark nightclub. the atmosphere of drunk people in their early or mid 20’s dancing and having fun is never foreign to you. the bass boosted underground rap song pierce through your eardrums and made you heart thump along with every bass kick. you felt a surge of energy flowing through your veins so you wastes no time and walked towards the bar, before ordering your drink of choice for the night, completely ready to get wasted.

you are now on your fourth shot of vodka and dancing your way in the middle of the club. you’re a pretty sensible person off alcohol but when a substance is coursing through your blood, you tend to get a little too wild. the light changed and another song arrived through the speakers. you decided to leave the dance floor and return back to the bar to get another shot of whatever the hell you wishes

now i’m on my way to whatever’s waitin'

뭐가됐든 go straight (go straight)

fuck what they’d be talkin' 'bout

(fuck they talkin' 'bout)

their opinion doesn’t count like ooh

a loud scream can be heard on the dance floor, everyone began to vibe to the new heavy hitting bass playing through the very big speaker. a younger looking boy with bleached blonde hair appear with three other men on the stage

로또 터뜨린지도 어느덧

두달이 됐지 (yup)

나름 높아져, 벌농 인지도

man, 그 누가 알았겠니 (you get me?)

불가능해 보이던 모든건

수영이나 갔다오라해

wait, enough with vernon

원우형 here’s the torch

이제 가서 소각해요 man

even in your drunk state you couldn’t miss the rhythm of his name on stage since you have been thinking about him ever since the project was assigned. the craved, intricately carved, glass of bourbon wrapped safely around your fingers before you began sipping on it slowly. the sight you see next was nothing that you could’ve ever expected.

the red spotlight shined through the familiar figure, though he’s dressed so differently from when you saw him last.

uh 주위에선 그래 가능성 로또래

내가 노력만 한다면

대박 쯤은 그냥 터트릴거래

별의 별 놈들은 나에게 한마디씩 던지지

내가 볼 땐 넌 백날 해도 안돼

난 답하지 난 아직 어린이

발전 가능성이 높은 나에 비해 전혀 없어 넌

옛말에 똥은 더러워 피해

째려도 전혀 안 무서워

비교하면 난 박잘타는 흥부 너도 따라해도

넌 박치에 가깝지 내가 볼땐 니행동을보면 전혀 노력 금물 uh

너는 옥타곤 지옥에서 기어

난 바쁘니까 엄마가 보면 놀래 가사노동

할땐 주부들만치니까

나도 놀랬지 가끔 너 보면 빡치니까

넌 을이 없게도 그리해놓고 어디서 여기서 갑질이야

the familiar deep and heart rumbling tone of his voice pierced through the speakers and into your auditory senses. you focused your eyes towards the stage and there you see him, the man of the hour, hyping the crowd up like it’s nobody’s business but his. what surprises you his outlook, he appears more confident, more fierce, more arrogant and a bad news to literally anyone regardless of gender and preferences. he ditched the usually

thin-rimmed glasses and left the piercing cold and sharp eyes out on display. a black tight fitting tank top fit snug against his broad shoulder and chest. the purple, satin outerwear that’s slowly falling of his shoulders reveal biceps that could be envied by a lot of people and the huge written tattoos splayed on his neck and collarbones are the most unexpected part of him.

the smart and witty lyrics flows out of his lips perfectly against the rhythm of the overdriven instrumental. his motions in sync with the beat of the music made it seems like he has been doing this since forever, he wasn’t foreign to anything. that is not the jeon wonwoo you knew. the jeon wonwoo you knew was a quiet, smart and dismissive, not the one that oozes confidence and charisma like it is a switch to be turned on and off. you could not believe your sight. your heart thumped loudly against your chest with the music. the drink in your hand is slowly disappearing from the cup and into your mouth. you turned towards the bartender and asked for a refill, the torch has been passed from wonwoo to another member of his underground rap team and all you want to do is accept this as a dream and resume your night.

the song finally ended and the crowd went batshit crazy. you were still leaning against the bar looking at the stage still reeling in at the fact that the person with the rap team is your fucking history project partner.

wonwoo shared handshakes with his member before making his way towards the bar, ready to end the night with some good ol’ alcohol before another day began tomorrow. to his surprise. he saw a familiar figure leaning against the bar, drink in hand and cheeks flushed red. oops, his cheeky little secret have been exposed by none other than the person he has taken admiration to. the surge of confidence he got really made him a completely different person.

you mentally prepare yourself as you saw him walking straight towards you. you fixed your posture to appear taller and more confident even though you’re still inches shorter than his six foot height. you almost curse at the sight of him with that smirk playing on his lips. he walked past you and motioned for the bartender.

“i’ll have what she’s having.” he pointed at you, eyes lingered towards your figure for a couple seconds which made you almost cower at the sheer intenseness of the stare.

“so what brings you here. i didn’t realise this is your type of gig.” the question hung from his lips

once his drink is safe in his grip, you muster up the courage to finally speak to the new personality you just discovered.

“i think that question is way more suited towards you no?” you replied, a hint of mischievousness apparent in your tone.

the bronze liquid flowed from the cup and down his throat.

“oh darling, you may find me full of surprises.”

a/n : the edit was made by v follow her @/lovetagon

[grimelords]

I have been unbelievably busy for all of 2020 so far. Starting a new job and crunching to finish an old one, it's been very good but it has also meant that I haven't had the downtime I'd have liked in order to write long screeds about when drums sound good in songs so my December and January playlists unfortunately never got finished. They will exist as 'lost' playlists in the grimelords canon where you will simply have to listen to them and have your own thoughts about the songs instead of having your judgement clouded by me saying things like 'this sounds nice' and 'I love when the guitar goes woo-eee'.

You can listen to them here:

December https://open.spotify.com/playlist/4crPEVSPwftPpWl14xUrXF

January https://open.spotify.com/playlist/25MP7onYLCwWRYBIi0u3yc

As far as this, my February playlist goes: It's great! It's two and a half hours. The songs sounds nice and the guitars go woo-eee. I was worried I wouldn't be able to listen to as much music with my new job but it turns out I'm listening to more than ever which is extremely nice. Please enjoy, and if you'd like to subscribe to this playlist please do so here: https://tinyletter.com/grimelords

Listen to this playlist here: https://open.spotify.com/playlist/3ZraEZOeS6qvVxfnz3AJS9

Ballad Of The Skeletons - Allen Ginsberg, Paul McCartney, Phillip Glass and Lenny Kaye: I had a dim childhood memory of this 1996 Hottest 100 funny skeleton song that my sister randomly brought up this month and was was shocked to find out that somewhere deep in my brain the part where the electric chair skeleton says “hey what’s cooking???” was still stored. I was also shocked to find out that the funny skeleton song I remembered from when I was a kid was actually a collaboration between Allen Ginsberg, Paul McCartney and Phillip Glass and was an unexpected hit on MTV and Triple J in 1996 for an as yet unknown reason.

I Can Go With You - Sam Burton: This song came up in my Discover Weekly, and I was so excited to listen to more of this 70s singer songwriter I've never heard of before who has no doubt had a long and illustrious career and was shocked to find out that not only is this song from 2020, it is also the first and so far only release by Sam Burton and his debut album is coming out sometime this year. I love how plain it is, and the first time I heard it it made no impression on me until a couple of hours later when I realised I was humming the melody to myself. It has this decepitive simplicity to it, and it sounds like a song you've always known which is really about as good a compliment as you can give a song. I also love this statement from him: “I was writing a song a day for 30 days as a personal challenge to myself. I Can Go With You came near of that practice and I considered it a throwaway at the time. After recording most of the album I still needed a couple more songs and decided to throw it on and we recorded it live followed by two others. When I listened back it ended up being one of the tracks I was happiest with on the record.” I love when artists are asked about songs and they have no divine inspiration to relate, just a process of daily work where they're like "well, I wrote it, like I always do. Did the chords and the words and everthing just like normal. I write hundreds of these things and this one came out pretty good. I don't know what else to tell you."

Wild Dogs - Colter Wall: This is a song by Billy Don Burns who you can probably expect to see on this playlist next month, and who as I understand it is one of these 'real' country guys that have been around for a million years and only ever had success when other people sang their songs. So it's very nice of Colter Wall to continue that tradition for him. I love the way this song takes the metaphor to a place of almost uncomfortable literalism, a tryst metamophising into something private, bloody and feral. The subtle way the lap steel whines slowly along in the background before stepping out and taking centre stage once the song picks up steam near the end is a marvel too.

Tom's Diner - Suzanne Vega: I had a live version of this randomly recommended to me by youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DkYPge6ZKSQ and it made me see this song that I'd always been sort of aware of in a new light and really properly appreciate it for the first time. Somehow I'd never noticed the last verse where it moves from literalism to memories, and of course that's sort of the moment that ties the whole song together. What I really appreciate about the acapella arrangement is that it feels like this is a song that's existed a million times before but she's the first person to actually write it down and record it. Everyone's made up a little dishwashing song or a little walking song, reciting some to-do list in your head. It's an entire genre that exists under people's breath for a few minutes and gets immediately forgotten.

If You Don't Know Now, You Never Will - Drugdealer: I could have sworn this was a Tobias Jesso Jr song. I really just assumed it was until I looked at the credits. It's such a nice song though and I'm glad this sort of 70s californian vibe is making a quiet comeback because it is just uniformly pleasant and it's nice to hear these sorts of arrangements, with the accenting violin runs and things like that. All the extra decorations and ornamentations that have sort of disappeared.

Crimson Tide - Destroyer: I absolutely love this new Destroyer album because it just feels like such pure uncut Destroyer. I’ve always thought of him as a sort of 400 year old vampire lounge singer who is just amusing himself at this point and so the cover art has really confirmed my suspicions on that front. The lyrics through this whole album are so good, the sort of stream of consciousness strangeness like ‘when lightning strikes twice the funeral goes completely insane’ that takes a on such gravity because he sings it with complete deadpan seriousness.

Truth (feat Alicia Keys and The Last Artful, Dodger) - Mark Ronson: I didn't really give this album a chance when it came out but ever since I found out Alicia Keys is good now (Time Machine) I've been looking for more good Alica Keys work and found one here. The Last Artful, Dodger is one of the worst artist names I think I've ever heard but she absolutely kills it on the way she says biiiiitch so I'll forgive it.

Surf & Turf - Boldy James + The Alchemist: Alchemist's production on this whole album is so incredible. He really just lets Boldy go and doesn't get in his way like good production should. Especially on the opening verse where Boldy James sticks with that loping flow for so long in 3s over 4 that matches that arpeggios in the beat, it's just a perfect harmony of rapper and producer.

Fat Mac - Duke Deuce: Misogyny in rap is a real issue that nobody seems really allowed to talk about because it's obviously very complicated, and this song some real classic 'stay in the kitchen' type woman hating in it and is basically incredibly callous and cruel throughout. However this beat is hot and there is also a part about a third of the way through where he says "fuck her till that pussy fart" and then makes a big fart noise, so.

Set It Up (feat. Trina) - Kamaiyah: I only found out about Kamaiyah's fantastic 2016 album A Good Night In The Ghetto about two weeks before her new one came out so I've been on a real Kamaiyah hype for a little while now. She's just fantastic. I love this song because I love the part where Trina seemingly out of the blue threatens to piss in my mouth. The first time I heard it I said 'wow!' out loud.

Come As You Are - Greg Phillinganes: There's something going on with the pop math in this song that I just can't put my finger on. It feels for all intents and purposes like this should be a hit. The melody is great. The big synth voice is great, it's got extremely fatty bass. It's great! But something about the structure of it is just off, it's got too many sections or something. Which kind of makes me love it more really.  

Devotion - Pure Bathing Culture: What surprised me the most about this song is the secret shredding happening throughout. It feels like a sort of clean and cool guitar that hasn’t existed in the wild since the Lethal Weapon soundtrack and it adds such an energy to this already completely wonderful song.

Paper Cup - Real Estate + Sylvan Esso: The production on this song is just so beautiful. The violin melody and the pillow soft synths really add such an extra dimension to it. The tone on everything really. The guitar in the solo. Every time I listen to this song I just want to listen to it again because it goes down so smooth.

Mark Zuckerberg - Nap Eyes: I’m a very big fan of the way this song transitions from a sort of TMBG novelty song halfway through into a lonely and beautiful thing instead. It’s like he got distracted and wandered off in the middle of his set but the camera followed him. I also haven’t heard a lyric in a long time that made me bark laugh so instantly as “And what does he do with all that sand? He collects sand right? I think I read that somewhere. Seems innocent enough.”

Viking Hair - Dry Cleaning: I fell in love with this band immediately on hearing this song. The way the spoken lyrics sit in a place of almost coherence, dipping between mysterious phrases and earnest admissions feels like Life Without Buildings for a new generation. I love the feeling of a huge crush at the centre of this song that comes through achingy in every single word, even when she's talking about abandoned refrigerators.

LeBron James - Do Nothing: This is my number one song this month I think. I've listened to it every single day and I cannot wait to see what this band does once they've got more than a couple of songs out. It's my absolute favourite kind of lyrics: the kind that sounds like you just wrote down every one-sided phone conversation you overheard on the bus and then the music is some halfway point between Black Midi and Franz Ferdinand. What else do you need!

Can I Receive The Contact? - The Spirit Of The Beehive: The Spirit Of The Beehive's album is one of the best I heard this month. The way the production incorporates sound collage and samples without diluting the immediacy of the songwriting is really something special that feels hard to pull off in a rock context but sounds effortless through this whole album. The way this shifts at the end into the odd time section is so great and really the way the whole album flows like one long track is just amazing. Please listen, I'm obsessed.

An Air Conditioned Man - Rolling Blackouts Coastal Fever: There is so much space in Rolling Blackouts songs. They just go and go, sitting in this great jam space without feeling shaggy. The tempo across the album stays pretty consistently at this breezy, upbeat, driving speed that makes it feel like as soon as one song ends the next one just picks up exactly where it left off. It almost feels like a studio confines them and they'd be better off just recording their album live at a show where every song can go for 8 minutes like it wants to.

Leak -Truth, yesnoyesnoyes- - Boris: I got to see Boris and Merzbow this month, which was a great treat for me but it was also at a seated theatre venue which was a very strange choice. Sitting down and clapping politely as Merzbow pressed the screaming button feels odd, like being at an 1800s World's Fair show about the wonders of electricity or quite literally like being the guy in the chair getting blown away by the speakers in the Maxell ads. I bought earplugs for the show but ended up pulling them out for the last three songs or so to properly experience it, and it was fucking great. Something I was thinking about after the show is that it's interesting how Boris mostly have clean vocals, and really approach metal as an idea from and angle that's more shoegaze than Slayer. Aside from the immense volume, there isn't a lot about their music that I would describe as agressive, even most of what Merzbow added to the set was just extra feedback frequency noise, not atonal agression. I don't mean this in a trve kvlt way, more like it's interesting how they've taken the aesthetics of metal and refined them into pure amplifer worship, in their words, by either playing straight drone, or just playing normal hard rock at inhuman volumes. Boris are very good is what I'm saying, and I can't wait to listen to more of their extremely large discography.

Nameless Streets - Defeater: I've never really listened to much hardcore and I'm not really sure why. I've listened to Defeater's first two albums to death though so maybe it's time to branch out. What I love about this song, and this band in general is the vocal delivery. In a lot of agressive music from metal to screamo, because the agression and emotion is always sitting at a 10 the nuance can get lost and it becomes a sort of white noise, but Defeater have a nice way of backing off musically and vocally here and there to let the hard hits really hit hard. The outro to this song is also some absolutely world class snare work, building a tension bed in the simplest way thats relieved when the rest of the band comes crashing back in.

Boys In Town - Divinyls: I love the true desperation in this song. The trapped in a small town, surrounded by fuckers stress that gives way in the second half to just screaming "get me out of here!!". I am also interested in the evolution of the phrase 'too much, too young' and would like to know whether this song is referencing the song by The Specials, and if the Defeater song on this playlist is referencing this song or The Specials song, or if all three came up with it independently. It's a simply enough phrase, I suppose they could have. Who cares, really.

Body By Crystal - Spike Fuck: Come on a journey with me and imagine a world where Alex Cameron makes good music. That's Spike Fuck! The sort of burned out, past their prime singer desperate for a hit in any sense type of character - except actually put together with some heart and emotion and not an 80s comic book writer's understanding of human lows. I cannot wait to hear more from Spike Fuck.

Rogue Wave - Aesop Rock: It is something of a marvel how consistently high quality Aesop Rock's work is. For all his verbosity and expansive vocabulary he seems to never veer into white guy rap god flexing for the sake of it. Even a song like this that's 3 minutes of dense verses with nothing resembling a hook doesnt feel exhausting, it just feels like a series of extremely pleasing words and images like "take it where the warlocks lock horns, soda pop, popcorn / top notch gore set to Bach over fog horns" that makes my brain go "nice".

Momentary Bliss (feat. Slowthai and Slaves) - Gorillaz: I love the strange rollout Gorillaz are doing for this album, building the tracklist one song at a time. It's a nice way to force close listening, especially in songs with odd structures like this. I love hearing how different prouction changes Slowthai's approach; on this and Deal Wiv It that he did with Mura Masa it feels a lot brighter than anything on Nothing Great About Britain and there's a playfulness in his flow that comes through accordingly. Gorillaz are always moving around musically but I love how much of a live band feel this has compared to the more studioy sound that killed their last album for me.

We Will Always Love You (feat. Blood Orange) - The Avalanches: I am so excited at the possibility of a new Avalanches album already, and this is the perfect song to have as a lead single because it functions more like a teaser. Like 'would you like an hour more of this kind of beautiful, loving dream?'

Tar Sequence - Lalo Schifrin: I found out a little while ago that the local news theme when I was growing up was actually this song from the score to Cool Hand Luke, and according to a bunch of other guys in the youtube comments it was the local news theme for a lot of stations across America as well. The scene is of a prison road gang working under the blazing sun, and I'm sure someone could write a thinkpiece about the soundtrack to the nightly news, and really the platonic ideal of news themes in general stemming from the score to a scene about prison labour. But not me! I'm just going to write this little post and say we all owe Lalo Schifrin our lives for inventing the sonic pallette of kung fu AND the news, which is an incredible achievement whichever way you slice it.

When You - Tha Pope: It's a little bit of a shame that footwork is 'over' now but I suppose that's the way of things. The intro to this song is an absolute all timer for me. The delay soaked tag, the extended organ lick and then a total gear shift into this shrieking vocal sample that sounds like something has gone wrong but is revealed in actuality to be the centre of the whole track. I absolutely love Pope's little adlib at the start, and halfway through when he brings it back - it injects some real humanity into this cacophonous, volatile song and lets you know someone's done this on purpose, they've not just turned every dial to 10 and pressed play.  

Jonny/Jonny (Reprise) - Faye Webster: I am absolutely in love with the tone of Faye Webster's voice and especially the way she slowly slides up to the note at the end of every line in the verse. This is a song that belongs to the great genre of songs that sound like they were entirely written and performed while laying on the floor and staring at the ceiling. The reprise here comes back at the end of the album and I love it so much. It feels like a Sex And The City monologue set to music, an underexplored genre I'd definitely like to hear more of.

Holes - Matt Berninger: Matt Berninger of The National covered Mercury Rev's Holes for a series of charity 7"s that Planned Parenthood are doingand I really love his take on it. It's a difficult song to cover because it is so beloved, and I think he does really well to not smooth out the arrangement into any sort of easy listening version. The rumbling piano and the extra vocals that mirror the original saw sound near the end are just wonderful. The part that always breaks my heart in this song is the "bands" line at the end and he really does it perfectly without being overdramatic.

Ta Aro - Nadia Reid: I love the way this song is just soaked in tension and potential energy. She has a beautiful way of holding a note just past the edge of her breath, like when she sings 'glory hallelujah' or 'I am stronger' and in the wordless refrain that just draws me in. Then the way it all closes in on itself and shadows close in at the end while it swells to this beautiful thunderstorm of sound. Just great.

Purify - Neurosis: Someone had a tweet a while ago that was like 'listen to a new album every day in February and write about it' and I thought 'fuck it why not' and started doing that. I kept a little note in my phone of every album I listened to that I'd never heard before, and I ranked them out of 5 so I could remember which ones I liked. I ended up listening to 49 new albums which surprised me, and it was surprisingly easy to do as well so I've decided to keep doing it in March as well. Highly recommended. A nice side effect of constantly searching for new things to listen to is it's given me a chance to hear bands that I've always heard about and know the name of but never actually listened to for one reason or another, which is how I got to Neurosis. It's nice to hear this kind of industrial 90s metal that I'd only ever previously heard in Tool from another angle, and it is especially nice to hear bagpipes in a drone metal context - a thought I'd had independently about a week before hearing this album and was glad to have willed into existence before me.

Shallow Sun - Real Estate: Time! I love a song about aging that mentions specific years and ages so you can count along on your fingers. '25 in 2010... so he was 24 when they put out in their first album.. 39 in 24.. so he's... 35 now.. and i'm 28... which means I'm... 3 albums behind..'

Quand Vas Tu Retrer - Melody's Echo Chamber: I'll listen to any song in 5/4. It is simply groovy. This song is so beautifully textured it feels like you can just get completely lost in the sound while the groove moves it along.

Living Through Another Cuba - XTC: I think I've posted this song on one of these playlists before but fuck it, the more time passes the more I think this might be one of the best songs ever written and a complete and total encapsulation of the cold war mood. The absolute maniac resigned powerlessnes on full display, screaming and shouting about pullings fins from an atom bomb and the absolute certainty that even if the world isn't destroyed this time it'll all come around again soon enough anyway.

Time - U.S. Girls: I am a huge proponent of the long song at the end of the record as a concept, and really I believe every song should be the long song at the end of the record if at all possible. This amount of colour in this jam is just incedible, it never gets weighed down or waylaid it just keeps moving though an ever shifting kaleidoscope and I absolutely love it. It also reminds me of Los Bitchos who were on one of my secret lost playlists from December so it's nice to have their vibe represented here at least. This song also interestingly ties into a thought I was having this week about the limits of music wherein time is the only immutable constant. In all of life music is an inescapable constant of course, but in music especially compared to visual art or written art, time is an inexorable force. You simply cannot bend time in music, a song or performance will always have a duration that will define it, short or long, which cannot be muted or played with in the same way that rhythm or tonality can. 4'33" is a good example of that, being devoid of everything except time. When there is nothing, there is still time. Canyons of time.

Bad Magic - Weyes Blood: I got to see Weyes Blood a couple of weeks ago and I feel extremely blessed that I did. She's just amazing. She played this song solo as her last encore, and she's in a sort of interesting position of blowing up majorly on her fourth album so people (myself included) weren't overly familiar with her older stuff. So when she said 'this is a song called Bad Magic' everyone clapped politely and one woman right up the back screamed "oh my GOD??" which is the kind of personal, just for her, singular experience I'm always here for. Hearing this song for the first time in that setting has really made me fall in love with it. The thing that's always alienated me a little abot Weyes Blood's earlier work, and the thing she changed so dramatically on Titanic Rising is the structuring of her songs. Titanic Rising embraces pop songwriting so wonderfully where her earlier work was so much shaggier and harder to access as a result - but in this song I love it. This song is meandering and long and wanders around in circles and I'm here for every second of it.

Listen to this playlist here: https://open.spotify.com/playlist/3ZraEZOeS6qvVxfnz3AJS9

[liarinlife]

about.

please read on for an introduction to this blog, myself, and roleplay rules!!

i. introduction to the blog

hi! this is my literate roleplay blog for markus spieler, aka actor mark (character created by mark fischbach [markiplier] from the series who killed markiplier? and its universe). i’ve been heavily involved with his character since the creation of the series in 2017, but only started roleplaying and analysing him in 2019. that being said, it’s a deep dark rabbit hole, and I thought I’d finally make this blog!

i will be roleplaying on here as actor mark, whom I have given the name markus spieler, later changed to mark iplier. i roleplay exclusively literately and reserve the right to be a little exclusive with who i roleplay with: but generally speaking, i’ll do so with almost anyone.

that being said, there are some reasons I will not interact with a blog:

You are under 16.

Your character is an OC without much detail.

You are rude or seem intent on starting drama or controlling my muse.

You maintain the belief that actor mark is inherently and unquestionably evil.

You are consistently negative without tagging it on your blog.

You may be a lovely person despite these! However I cannot deal with drama or excessive negativity on my blog — it’s 2020 and the world is in enough of a state as it is without tumblr drama dragging me down too. I turned 18 recently and don’t want to roleplay with minors: not because of talent or skill in writing, because I know many younger writers who are incredibly skilled, but personal preference. Please don’t lie to me about your age — if I find out you have roleplayed with me and are under 16, I will block you.

ii. introduction to the mun

i’ll introduce myself a little! my name is nox and i’m 18 years old. i’m from the uk, scotland to be specific, and a trans guy (he/him pronouns please)! i’ve been writing and roleplaying for a multitude of fandoms since i was 11, and last july wrote a whole novel! i’m redrafting and editing it now, as well as working on the prequel (all of which you can find more information on at @noxstories).

iii. disclaimer

i do not own markiplier’s ideas or creations, nor do i claim to. they are his and his entirely. that being said, the writing and interpretation of this character are mine, based either on myself or my viewing of the character! please do not argue with me on headcanons - feel free to question them and i’ll happily explain them, but i will not stand for criticism or argument on headcanons!

iv. content warnings

this blog’s nature is also going to be dark. the actor’s story and background is not a happy one, and many replies will no doubt feature many of the following, implied or implicitly stated:

death, violence & gore, suicide, suicide idealisation, alcohol abuse / alcoholism, reality (and the lack thereof in markus’ mind), mental illness, unhealthy coping mechanisms, self harm, murder, betrayal, unhealthy / toxic relationships, cursing, the supernatural, body horror, manipulation, possession and a very unreliable narrator in the form of markus himself (his grip on his sanity isn’t entirely as good as it could be).

to avoid seeing these, block the tag “tw [insert trigger of your choice]”. that’s what i’ll be tagging things, so please keep yourself safe!

that being said, i will not do nsfw, not publicly, as i’m uncomfortable with the idea of other people [and potentially minors] seeing. flirting and innuendos are okay!

v. roleplay 

finally, the part that people are waiting for! these are my rules and regulations for roleplay, please adhere to them as much as possible. if you aren’t sure about something, ask!!

literate rp only please. i find non-lit or script rp incredibly hard to keep in character, because i prefer writing the thoughts on my muse too. the replies do not need to be excessively long, and i will try to match my partner’s length!

this is a multi-ship blog, but this does not mean i ship markus with everyone. i reserve the right to choose ships based on chemistry and how comfortable i am with the ship and mun. so please, don’t act as if your muse is already dating mine without having discussed with me first!)

due to the darker nature of this blog, as stated above, you must be 16 years or older to roleplay with me! please don’t lie about your age: roleplaying dark themes with those younger than 16 makes me wary.

please don’t godmod. i have made my muse the way he is for a reason and therefore assuming he will act in a certain manner or actually controlling him in the rp will instantly dissuade me from continuing. if you’re unsure about something, or it’s necessary to control my character, ask me before replying!

on that note, please don’t make your own character invincible, not entirely so. it gets stale easily and is unrealistic. powers and seemingly-invincible characters are fine, but please be wary. if your character consistently wins every fight or encounter, it gets tiring after a while!

I am 100% open for roleplay with duplicates!! i would prefer they were different from my version of the actor, but i think exploring the dynamic between two actors would be incredibly interesting!!

i won’t roleplay with personal blogs. sideblogs are welcome, and personals are welcome to follow, but please, don’t request a starter or roleplay, and do not reblog my roleplay threads or information to non-rp blogs. i would be excessively uncomfortable with this account making its way into the non-rp part of the fandom!

lastly, please don’t bug me for replies. i start oxford university this year and their summer reading list is insane, so i am working through that, and also run so many other blogs on tumblr, not to mention i am preoccupied with my own life - writing, studying, and friends. i’ll reply as soon as i find muse, and in return i won’t bug anyone else for replies!!

vi. brief portrayal of the actor

probably an important note - i do not portray or see the actor as ‘evil’. is he a bastard? yes. an asshole? absolutely. but he was manipulated deeply by the Manor Entity, and the events of the poker night were heavily influenced by It.

he is more of a rebellious pawn running away from his mistakes than he is an evil, scheming mastermind - an arrogant, broken coward who cannot face the consequences for his actions. his name is markus spieler, though he no longer goes by that name, instead preferring mark iplier; his stage name he adopted not long before he reached the peak of his acting career.

vii. conclusion

thank you for reading this far! this is a long post, but please don’t let it dissuade you from roleplaying with me. i love making new friends and will happily rp with almost anyone, as long as they’re a roleplay blog and 16+. a more in-depth character introduction will be posted shortly - as it is, here are my rules for now!!

[modernsocialmediaau]

take my love and run

Lauren's POV

First show done. Our FIRST official show from our OWN tour is done.

" Thank you so much San Francisco! " I screamed and waved to the fans as I awaited for the girls to say goodbye. I signed a few more autographs and took a few more selfies while I waited.

" You rock San Francisco! " Normani added, jumping up and down, joining me with the whole autographs and selfie session.

" We love you San Francisco! " Camila shouted while picking up the things on stage that the fans have thrown.

" Goodnight San Francisco! " Dinah said blowing kisses at the fans making them cheer louder.

" Thank y'all so much for coming to our first show! Y'all been great! We love you! " Ally finished and the show was over. We ran off stage trying to quickly remove our ear pieces while carefully placing our mics . After placing our mics we immediately ran to our dressing rooms while giving high fives to those that cheered saying good job on the way. The idea of performing is always so exciting, it's just such an adrenaline rush. It's like I'm in the concert with them not performing but actually enjoying the music and the people.

" --Jam session. " I heard Camila say taking me out of my head.

" I feel so blessed doing this with you guys. " Ally cooed trying to remove her costume, well struggling to remove her costume.

" Aw. Ally. " we all irrupted and looked at her  

" Alright girls great job! Congrats on the first show usually we'd go out or something but sadly not tonight seeing that we have to be at our next venue before 7 to get everything set up. So we need to able to leave here by 1 am. Is that possible? I promise you we will celebrate tomorrow night. " Janelle our manager asks popping into our dressing room. We gave her a simple yes tried to get everything done and be on the bus by 1 . I know it doesn't seem like we don't need that much time, but along with getting ourselves situated, we also had to clean our dressing room, the crew had to pack everything up.

" Lo! " Camila says catching my attention which was weird so I had one of those; ' who me? ' moments.

" Yes? " I turn around, finally answering her. She revealed a smile before saying;

" You're phone, " she shook my phone in the air indicating she had found it.

" Can you throw it, " I simply asked getting ready to catch the phone.

" No!- I'll just hand it to you, " she scolds holding the phone close to her

" Alright, " I turned back around to what I was doing, and decided that I'll grab it before I leave.

I was much calmer now, and the idea of Camila knowing no longer weighted on my shoulder. Mani was right if I don't act suspicious nothing will happen. I mean this is probably just a stupid crush that won't take much to get over, they do say time heals all wounds.

" Here you go, " Camila comes up behind me and wraps her arms around my waist trying to place my phone in the bag. Which made me uncomfortable, but I had to remember to act normal, but none of what she's doing is normal. Acting as if she can just pick up where she left off. But instead of moving away I placed my cheek with hers awkwardly. " Thanks. " i faked a smile. Mani looked at us for a moment and gave me a sympathetic smile with a hint of ' I told you so '.

" Here we go, you're back " she moves from behind me to next to me

I'm back really? Wow! Fuck I didn't even know I left. I immediately tried to shake off the rude remark and get back to replying.

" I told you, I was just nervous, " I smile through my teeth trying to hold the hurt in my eyes,

" Alright girls, you ready? " Janelle popped in again

Normani and I said yes while the rest said no. So we decided to head to the bus first.

" Do you feel better? " Mani ask while we put our stuff in our bunks

" Yes actually, " I sigh in relief

" Good, " she stops putting her things in her bunk and hugs me

" Okay. " I answer

" Ah, alright here's the thing, " I stop and look at her

" What? " she sighs and grabs my hand and we walk to the back room

" You need to talk her. " I stood there not knowing if I heard that right or I'm about to go crazy. She can't be serious about this, I'm literally going out of my mind about how to keep this between me and her.

" Mani we already talked about this, I can't and you know that. I literally just got over that fact that she iced me out for a year just so she can have a relationship with Austin or whatever she'd like to say. "

" Laur you're never gonna shake this off, an- "

" It's just a cru-"

"Stop lying to yourself! " she huffed shocking herself, she knew it wasn't like her to raise her voice at anybody like this.

" Lauren, you and I both know you are in love with her. No matter how many times she breaks you, you still get up and fight for her and the only way to get over this is to tell her or do something other than watching from a distance slowly dying. " she interrupts

" So what? I can be heartbroken again. So I can learn from putting myself out there, or so she can ice me out again. Maybe she'll do it for 2 years if I'm lucky. Yea, no thanks I'm good" I sarcastically answer

" No, so you can stop suffering, it's killing you, "

" I will never win. Whether I talk her or not I am still going to get hurt. " I explain to her

" Lauren you can't live a life of fear, " Mani continued

" Mani, I can't. And it's not even about fear anymore it's more about me protecting myself. " I started to cry again

" I'm sorry honey c'mere" she gave me another hug

" I know you mean well but I can't do much. "

•••

" Are we? " I questioned trying to hold the melody of sobs ready to come out,

" Of course, you guys are like friendship goals. You guys are practically dati- " before she could finish my sobs abruptly interrupted her

" No?! We're not! Last time I checked when you date someone you don't shut them out. You don't ignore them. You don't Mani you just don't! Especially over a fucking guy! Who doesn't even deserve her! " I huffed getting out of her hold, and began pacing the room balling my fist slowly.

" Woah. I thought you liked Austin? " she wondered, making me laugh in disgust.

" Ha! Your funny Mani. There are a billion nerves in my body and every single one of them cannot stand him. He doesn't deserved her! She could have somebody so much better than him! " I groaned walking to her bed and fell faced down onto a pillow, letting our a rather frustrated scream.

" Okay if he doesn't deserve her then who does? " I look up from screaming and saw her smirk.

Shit.

" I-i don't know, it doesn't matter. He just doesn't deserve he alright. " I answered looking her as seriously as possible

" I still don't understand why you don't just ask her what's happening? " Normani shrugged

" Don't you think I've tried? Mani? But she shuts me out, acts like I'm crazy. " I sobbed again,

" Well- " she began

" What Mani? What did I do to her? I want to fix it. " I cried

•••

" It's alright, let's get you fixed up before questions are asked. "

" Mani? Laur? " Ally says catching our attention

" Shit well we don't have much time but stay in here while I distract them, maybe I can put them to sleep or something. With one of those pressure point thingys. " Mani says

" Mani we are not spies, " I chuckled at her crazy idea.

" But we could be though, " she smiles sheepishly and left.

I closed and locked the door so I could fix myself up, while fixing my mascara I over hear their conversation. Most of them I couldn't make up, but I heard them all ask where I was. And I heard Mani's funny yet convincing excuse

* She's talking to her mom, *

* Oh I want to say hi, * Camila says clapping her hand

* You can't! * Mani yells and I couldn't help but chuckle.

* Why not? *

* She said it was pretty personal, *

* Shoot how personal could it be? * Dinah laughs

* It's kind of family matter, * Mani continued

* Is she alright? * Ally questioned letting out a little laugh at the end.

* Yea. Why don't we play never have I ever or something, * she says getting them all walk in front of her

I no longer heard them in the bunks, I unlocked the door and walked out to where they were. On the right side of the living area sat Camila, Ally and Dinah, while Mani sat on the left.

" There she is, " Mani says grabbing me and pulling me to her side, using me as some sort of shield. I guess the questions got a little too intense for her.

" So whats going on? " I sang trying to act as casual as I possibly could.

" Mani wanted to play a game, " Dinah said looking up from her phone and pointing at Mani, she added a quick pause before continuing her sentence.

" Girl it's not like we just performed a 3 hour set, or have been up since 6am " Dinah sarcastically counter, laying her head on Ally's shoulder.

" Alright I'm in, " I shrugged, slowly nibbling on my lower lip.

" Sorry guys, I'm really tired. Night." Camila sighed, grabbing her phone and waited to see if anybody else would go to bed.

" Yea ya'll crazy. Later. " Dinah nods in agreement and off they went.

There was an awkward silence for a good 5 minutes before we started a game. Most of the questions were common and nothing unusual " have you ever been drunk, or are you still a virgin things " between those lines.

" Mani girl this isn't really fun, " Ally said putting her hands back down to her lap

" Alright what do you guys wanna do then? " Mani ask crossing her arms

" Let's talk secrets, " Ally says making Mani and I exchange looks. Secrets was something rare between us girls but I think we can make an exception for this one.

" And by the looks of it, you guys have some juice, " she laughs

" Truth or dare, instead? " I practically jumped, hoping it could stop the shorter woman from squeezing the information out of us.

" Alright, but one way or another I'll get y'all to spill. " Ally smiles sheepishly

" Right, " Mani laughs, nervously playing with her sweaty hands

The truth or dare wasn't interesting at all. I mean I thought it was funny when Mani told Ally to put toothpaste on her lips for the rest of the game. I didn't see the significance, until a minute later Ally started fanning her lips saying its stings. And of course we couldn't have been mature about it, so Ally dared Mani to do the same thing only with horse radish. I knew if I kept playing it safe I would be call a pussy and Lauren Michelle Jauregui is no such thing.

" Well Lauren? " Ally says

" Dare. " I smirk

" Go up to the bus driver, and ask him to borrow his radio and say * everyone Lauren Michelle Jauregui needs to take a shit.* " she says gaining a high five from Normani

I glared at them both, but I knew it had to happen and it's not like it's the worst I've done. I walked up to the bus driver and turn back to the girls. But I only earned a gesture of "go-on".

" Listen man, I'm about to do something and I will not be proud to do said action. So I ask you to not judge me. " he gave me an odd look but then focused back on the road.

I picked up his radio and got myself ready. Not only will the people on his radio hear it but so will the bus. I sigh and took a big breath and said

" Lauren Michelle Jauregui needs to take a shit. " I say onto the radio making half of the staff run to the front and look at me

" Lauren." they all said at once while the girls laugh

" It was a dare calm down. " I put the radio back and patted the bus drivers shoulder

" Thanks, " I whispered and sat back down on the couch

" Happy? " I ask

About 2 hours into the drive our energy has died down. We only asked each other questions now.

" Truth, " I answer yawning

" Uhm okay how's it going with Luis? " Ally asked making me choke. Sure after the tour we got back together but before I left for this one we broke up again.

The only one that knows about his and I's break up is Normani. And no it wasn't because I liked Camila we both had mutual feelings about the break up this time. He said that he can't be waiting for me forever and I agreed, I don't think it would have been fair to just keep him waiting. Or to expect that he would still be waiting for me, not with all the touring I've been doing for 2 years straight. We agreed to be friends and frankly nothing has changed. I mean we've had quite the relationship since my career but we're okay now.

" Oh he's great you know college and stuff. " I lie

" That's good, I envy you guys getting through all this stuff. Long distance A plus girlfriend. " Ally added and I nod

" You've got Troy, " Mani laughed

" I'm getting really tired, I think I'm gonna go to sleep. " I stood up and gave them each goodnight's before disappearing into my bunk.

Just the thought of Luis made me want to talk to him again. Last time I saw him was when we had coffee before I left for LA. That was also the same day we agreed to break up but we still went out as friends.

I decided to pick up my phone and text him.

I laid in my bunk pondering things in my head until he responded.

I was starting to regret texting him, not only did he sound like Normani but now my eyes are so weary and tired I would fall asleep soon enough.

But before I could answer my eyelids were too heavy and I fell asleep.

-- February 28, 2015

Next Morning..

" Lauren? " someone whispered next to me, I groan in response

" No Mani, "

" Lauren, " the voice continued

" Shut up Mani and let me sleep, "

" Lo, " I haven't heard that voice waking me up in a long time

" No, "

" Lauren, " Camilla opened my curtain and began shaking me

" Later, " I pulled my curtain closed

" Lauren we have an interview in 2 hours c'mon. " she opens my curtain once more and I groan

" Fine. " next thing I knew she was laying next to me placing her head on my neck

" Yea well I'm up. " I turn around and pushed her onto the floor

" Ow Lauren, aren't you going to help me up? " she complained and stayed on the floor.

" Sorry Camila we've got an interview remember, " I playfully smirked and walked to the bathroom

[mcrmadness]

I was tagged by @froschimbrunnen for this Rammstein themed tag game, thanks! :D

Get to know me in 10 questions. Copy and paste the questions if you’re tagged, or if you feel like it.

Rules: There are no rules. Tag whoever you want. Don’t tag anyone. Tag yourself. You don’t have to answer all of the questions. Do what you please. Have fun.

created by: @vapor-stein

1. I’m curious: when did you discover Rammstein? I started listening to them in 2011 but I have known about them ever since Amerika became internationally popular and it was playing in the radio all the time in 2004. And because Finland is very much into metal music, Rammstein is very popular here too. And my dad has liked them a lot for a very long time so he often showed us their music videos even when I wasn’t into R+ yet.

2. Tell me your story. How did you discover them? Like I said, it was in 2011 when I got interested in them. I have never been into metal music and I always felt that Rammstein is way too metal for me too. But my siblings had got into Rammstein a bit before me and I remember doing German homework with my brother and we were listening to music, Rammstein this time. And the song Amerika was playing and I had known about this song for years and I didn’t find it bad, but also not that interesting. But I still started to feel like maybe I should still give it a try? And after the song comes their song Moskau. And that was it. That sounded actually good. And I asked my dad for the files and started to investigate their music myself and here I am now.

3. Favorite song? It’s difficult to say just one when all the albums are slightly different from each other and each album has its own best song. But I have to say that “Mein Land” is actually the first one to come in mind. I have liked it a lot ever since I heard it for the first time and it still is one of those songs that makes me feel as good as it did then. “Links 2-3-4″ is also a favorite, I really love the march rhytm in songs! And I like “Adios” a lot too, it has great drums and it’s a bit faster song too which is not that typical for them but it works really great. I also like “Zerstören” A LOT. And have to mention “Halleluja” and “Feuerräder”, those are great.

4. Least favorite song? Come on. I know you have one. I have more than one, Rammstein is one of those bands that have REALLY good songs but then also each album has several not-so-interesting songs. I guess everything just needs to be in balance :D But I mainly don’t really care about very slow songs so I often skip songs like “Feuer und Wasser” or “Rammstein”, I’ve also never really been into “Wiener Blut” nor “Stein um Stein” etc., you get the point.

5. Favorite album? Hmmm, this is a tough one. Mutter and Rosenrot have probably the biggest amount of songs that I don’t skip, and I also really like Sehnsucht, but then again I also really loved the 2019 album too, as it’s a very rare one because I don’t skip a single song. And I really like it how it sounds so Rammstein yet so different, and most of the songs have these little details that sound like they would be almost like easter eggs or tributes to their older albums, and that’s super interesting, because the songs still sound like completely new songs! So I think I’m gonna go with “Rammstein”.

6. Least favorite album? Probably not hard to count from here that it’s “Herzeleid” :D It also has some really good songs but most of the time is has a lot less melodies than the other albums and I really love music with lots of melody and layers. I think what appeals to me with this album the most is the rhythm and drums.

7. Something that speaks to you in the deepest sense of the word: a lyric? A specific song? I’m so bad with lyrics (with all bands) that I cannot say anything to this. I guess I have gone through all the songs with English translations when I was bored but I legit cannot remember the stories to more than maybe a couple of songs. I guess “Halleluja” is kinda interesing, and “Mein Land” is very simple what comes to lyrics and I kinda like it how the words go together with the sound so I guess I’m gonna say those. But I don’t have any song that would be somewhat special to me, those are the only ones I can remember now and not even that well.

8. Unpopular opinion: about a member? A scandal? Anything? Not really. I am partially a fan and I own t-shirts and all cds and dvds etc. but I’ve never been SO into them that I’d have spent hours on reading about them. I rarely watch any interviews and mostly I know stuff only if I’ve read it from Wikipedia or from their dvds. I don’t think I have even watched all of the documents ON the dvds, but I believe I have at least seen all the concert dvds :D So I don’t think I have any interesting (nor uninteresting) unpopular opinion.

9. Have you ever seen them live? Tell me what you felt. Lol yes, 4 times so far (all here in Finland). In 2013, 2016, 2017 and 2019 :D The first three were all festivals. And what I felt? Well, for starters: I always feel like dying because of the bass. They almost always (except for last year) start the concerts with the bass going up so slowly you barely notice it, then you just feel like everything is shaking and I start to panic has my heart gone crazy and then I realize it’s just the GROUND shaking. And the 2019 one was even worse and I literally felt like my head was gonna explode because they legit did all they could at making it as loud as possible, I was wearing earplugs but the bass was SO FUCKING LOUD that I’m surprised the stadium even stands anymore. The whole ground was shaking and I’m sure the sound waves kept crashing into the walls and all and making it all shake even more. So it feels very uncomfortable at first and I’d say you don’t really get used to it ever, especially not when being a highly sensitive person. That is actually the worst part for me and I wonder every time why did I go there again when it always makes me feel like I’m dying. Yet I always do that. I guess I’m just stupid.

Anyway, can’t really see a lot because I’m short and there’s so many people always (over 30 000 people at the stadium last year, that’s the same amount of people that live in my town alone o_o), but I still think it’s worth it. Especially last year it was pretty good spot after all because the light show was incredible and if you stand in the front, you definitely are not going to see all that! And the fire is always very interesting because I’m terrified of fire, but somehow in their show it’s fascinating. And fire is such a powerful element because no matter how far you’d be from it, you can still feel the warmth within seconds. The show itself is also incredible, and I cannot wait for them to release this show on dvd so that I’ll actually see the show happening on the stage too, not just the light and fire show :D

10. Do you play any instruments? If you do, can you play any song by them? No I don’t, I used to play piano as a kid but then I stopped for whatever reasons. So no, I can’t play any songs from them, tho if I ever had an electric piano, maybe I could try something. But I’m the most beginner as it gets since I was ~8 when I played and stopped playing the piano.

I think I’m gonna tag @cupcakecurl, if you want to do this one! :)

[punkscowardschampions]

Tommy & Meena

Tommy: [Late enough that the clean up is done and she could've potentially heard about some of the drama but not late enough that if there's a mcwalsh party whereby Ali gets knocked up that he wouldn't already be drunk at that feels like a starting point] Tommy: Cá mbeidh tú ag fliúchadh na seamróige? 🍀🧡💚 Meena: I was about to go down to the restaurant, just hang out there Meena: Caleb and Drew were going to some party but I was not invited so 🤷 Meena: What are you all up to? Tommy: 🍻🥃 Tommy: but the vibe's more drinking ourselves to death, doubt you want an invite either, like Meena: I think that's most people's vibe but they sound happier/more in denial about it...? Tommy: Yeah, it's casually cultural Meena: Yeah? Tommy: You're not feeling patriotic today? Meena: I don't really vibe it any day Meena: but that's not important Tommy: that's a no for the Irish dancing then, alright Meena: We can try Meena: I look even taller when I'm not allowed to move my upper body though Tommy: 😂 Meena: no leprechauns here Tommy: any 🌈💰? Meena: no more than normal 💔 Tommy: I'll be right there then 🌈✨ Meena: That's your superpower Meena: I don't know how 🍀🧡💚 Gus has gone, you'll probably feel more at 🏡 where you are Tommy: It ain't feeling very 🏡 but 💌 received Tommy: I'll stay put, feet & upper body Meena: Why not? Tommy: long story Tommy: you'll hear the short one at 🏫 probably Meena: You don't feel like telling it, understood Meena: is there anything I can do? Tommy: I don't know how to, more like Tommy: you'd redraft it before you were done with the 1st for being too Tommy: unreadable Meena: Nonsense poetry is my specialty Tommy: Yeah? Tommy: maybe you should've been there to roll out the welcome wagon for my new sister Meena: New sister? Meena: Oh, do you mean your mum's baby Meena: not baby now, from before Tommy: she definitely ain't a baby now Meena: So, she came and it went bad Meena: I'm so sorry, Tommy Meena: how bad are we talking? Tommy: bad as it gets Meena: Is your mum alright, I mean Meena: stupid question, but Tommy: It's a fair question & I wish the answer was yeah Tommy: or there was fuck all I could do Meena: That's terrible Tommy: I've gotta go back to school, how can I? Meena: For them Meena: sometimes all you can do is give everyone a small sense of normality Meena: even when you don't want to, or think you can't go on yourself Tommy: Ali can't hold down the fort all on her own, alright, she probably can, but she shouldn't have to Meena: She won't be Meena: she has Carly, and me and Ro and, loads of people, really Meena: I promise we'll all do what we can Tommy: Don't start me on Ro, she wasn't even there Meena: Where was she? Tommy: Fuck knows Tommy: I thought she might be with you Tommy: or your brother Meena: She wasn't with me Meena: maybe Drew but I doubt it, he's been out and about everywhere all day, obviously Tommy: she'll be at home then Meena: Oh, that's a bit Meena: I understand under normal circumstances the pub on St Paddy's is not her ideal place to be but as it was Meena: anyway, that's all to say, you don't need to worry about Ali, she has a good support system to support your parents and take care of Rocky Meena: do you have people YOU can talk to and lean on at school? Tommy: yeah, Carly's ace with him & Ali to have lasted this long, like Tommy: I ain't telling anyone at school about this, loads of 'em already think I'm trash Tommy: or come from it Tommy: they've got a point now Meena: No, they don't Meena: your family are some of the best people I know Meena: you're not anything to be ashamed of Tommy: Everyone around here knows that Joe would be your brother's best customer except he don't carry the right stuff & now loads of 'em also know she's as bad, nah, worse Tommy: & that together they're Tommy: I can't even fucking go there Meena: People shouldn't judge him by that, never mind you as his family Tommy: They do though Tommy: keeping my mouth shut about it at school is my best option Meena: as long as you can express yourself and have an outlet through your work, I can't say I blame you Meena: you don't have to tell everyone everything Tommy: or anything Tommy: 🩰 will do Meena: I shouldn't say anything against words, given who I am and what I want to be but Meena: a comfortable silence can be preferable to words you're unsure of, words that hurt, or that you don't want to speak into existence Tommy: Yeah, I'd take an uncomfortable silence over that too Tommy: everyone's hurting & unsure enough Meena: if it's good enough for Maya Meena: 🤐 Tommy: I didn't mean with you Meena: You can always talk to me Meena: no matter the quality or quantity of your words Meena: you know that Tommy: okay Meena: but no rush on it Meena: obviously Meena: and I won't fill the silence with total nonsense, like Tommy: but those poems are your speciality Tommy: self proclaimed, like, but still Meena: Rude to doubt me Meena: 🥬🐢🐌👑 Tommy: Gimme one then Tommy: best shot Meena Though some at my aversion smile, I cannot love the crocodile. Its conduct does not seem to me Consistent with sincerity. Meena: 🐊💔 Tommy: He is basically a 🐍 with feet Tommy: You 🖋 that? Meena: Sadly not Meena: I'll try to write something as appropriate scathing for your brother Tommy: Or as 💔 for me, yeah? Meena: Of course Meena: what could be better to cheer you up? 😏 Tommy: as a feel good goes it's obviously unrivalled even by 🍻🎵💃🕺 Tommy: that's the level of your talent Meena: You're either that drunk or you wish you were...code red either way Meena: you could come to the restaurant though, if you actually wanted Tommy: Get ahead at waiting tables for when the West End fucks me off & over Tommy: good thinking Meena: Please Meena: your name is already in lights, I can see it Meena: 🤩 Tommy: as you said please, I'll come Meena: manners maketh the man do what you want? Meena: interesting Tommy: works on this one Tommy: how much of a man I am is up for debate, usually Meena: People are idiots Meena: and too invested in stuff that doesn't affect them whatsoever Tommy: like you said, practically a local celeb at this point Meena: still, what's going on in your tights is just not their business Tommy: that's such a you way to put that Meena: I'll choose to take that as a compliment on me having a consistent voice Meena: though the alternatives are 🤔 Tommy: take as I miss you Meena: Are you back for long? Tommy: Nah, they ain't that patriotic either Tommy: I shouldn't even be here, wouldn't have been if she wasn't coming Meena: That's shittier Tommy: maybe JC is trying to keep me humble before I get too 🤩 Meena: It's Patrick that needs to make a second coming to banish your brother 🐍🐍 Tommy: he's already done that himself Meena: Oh, that was the purpose of today then? Meena: I get it Tommy: if he had one Tommy: might have just been out of his 🧠 on whatever 💊💉🥄🚬 Tommy: or worse so 😍 over her that's all that he gives a shit about besides the above Meena: Wait Meena: he's what? Tommy: you'll hear about it soon as you get back to class, they were doing it for everyone to see Tommy: her purpose given what it did to my ma Meena: Jesus Meena: that's Meena: you're right, no words Tommy: at least he one upped Fraze, I guess Meena: does make that situation seem totally run of the mill in comparison Meena: I have heard it happens Meena: when people who are related but estranged meet Meena: it's like a thing™ Meena: not that that helps you personally, obviously Tommy: Really?! Meena: [sends articles like nerd] Tommy: fucking hell Meena: It's crazy Meena: like you know there should be some strong emotional response but you kinda get it fucked up or something Meena: I don't know, science isn't my forte Tommy: nor mine, but if anyone would get those kind of wires crossed, it would have to be him Tommy: Jesus Meena: at least he didn't have a wife and kids to leave or something like some of these people Meena: it's really sad Tommy: you didn't see her though, she's like Tommy: terrifying Meena: I don't think they have to be a hottie but it probably helps in some cases Tommy: 😂 Meena: how so though? like what was she like Tommy: Alright so if they were putting a modern twist on Frankenstein's monster for the stage she could play that, but she'd need serious anger management first Tommy: electroshock wouldn't be far off, funnily enough Meena: Okay, that does sound scary Meena: even if looks can be deceiving, is the moral my own life has hit home hard, sounds like the insides matched so Tommy: It was like if you took every teenage horror story my ma has told us, scraped off the sugarcoating and then mixed that with the worst shit Fraze has ever done when he's on one, you still wouldn't come close to the mark Meena: I know the sort you mean Meena: no matter how well Drew and Caleb think they do with protecting me, I've had plenty of people approach me asking for them, messing with me Tommy: this once I'm gutted you know what I mean then Tommy: 'cause fuck that Meena: mostly it's the former and it's stupid little kids who want some weed or pills, that's just annoying but yeah Tommy: you know boxing's footwork is dead easy, I could teach you what my dad taught me Tommy: any time you want Meena: thanks Meena: at least my height would finally work in my favour, right? Meena: better reach Tommy: bigger 🎯 too remember Tommy: you have to keep your guard up to protect that face Meena: sounds like you're saying I'm 🌚 Tommy: 😮 Tommy: that's awkward Meena: *frantically googles how to shrink head* Tommy: nah, it's awkward 'cause you grew into your head ages ago & I didn't throw you a 🥳 or anything Tommy: must of happened all of a sudden or without me realising Meena: grew into it?! Meena: so I was a bobblehead before, thanks so much 😂 Tommy: only slightly Meena: I'm only slightly 💔 then Tommy: don't be, it was endearing Tommy: you were a cute kid Meena: okay 👵 Meena: no need to patronize me Meena: my head is only literally big, not metaphorically Tommy: come on, a 🍭 is a great look Meena: Better than a pea-head Tommy: or a 🍐 head like I've got Meena: it's distinguished Meena: be gutted you don't want to be a character actor Tommy: nice save, you can teach me ⚽ when we're done with 🥊 Meena: Sounds good to me Tommy: 👍 Tommy: [show up boy cos the restaurant can't be that far from the pub surely] Meena: [have a nerdy but more chill time, Gus loves everyone he's a good egg, I say you should go to this party for the drama of it all sod it] Tommy: [agreed x 2 the restaurant would have such a nice vibe when Drew and Caleb aren't there which they obviously aren't rn and then yeah we can get more messy with it] Meena: [okay so the plan, we having a lovely time (given the circumstances tonight lol) then her boyf shows up] Tommy: [I just picture her bf being so underwhelming like no offense but he'd have to be someone that Tommy didn't clock on socials so when he realises he's like oh and then dials his campness up to 1000000 being that gay BFF stereotype which she would pick up on immediately cos that's not how he is with her except when he's hiding behind it cos things are uncomfortable between them. I just imagine him raiding Ali & Carly's makeup and wardrobe and making the gayest cocktails he can and getting Meena involved and stealing her attention] Meena: [he wouldn't be and he's also lowkey an arsehole as per her type so he wouldn't be all ❤ on her socials anyway, but all this can be a thing 'cos not seeing the gay boy as a threat and probably wants to get drunk so] Tommy: [don't beat him up Tommy you don't want her to think you're doing it for Drew and Caleb like reasons] Meena: [at least we know you two are distracted] Tommy: [thanks for also getting Carly and Ali involved in your gay antics because we all need whatever fun we can get] Meena: [until you gotta go pregnant Ali] Tommy: [lord, I hope Tommy has left by then] Meena: [lordt] Tommy: [casual 3way with your missus and the less attractive drug dealer in town] Meena: [thank god your genetics are solid underneath that mess boy] Tommy: [and we know Rio looks like Ali anyways] Meena: [you do alright out of it kids] Tommy: [it could be so much worse] Meena: [blame your dad for your insecurities grace] Tommy: [and your evil nan] Meena: [junie is just #unique like no one looking like you boy, the closest is fraze as your uncle] Tommy: [unless he looks like Caleb's dad because we don't know him] Meena: [who can say baby] Tommy: [anyway take a moment to appreciate all the Tommy and Meena dancing everyone, giving you that for free] Meena: [love that] Tommy: [soz shit bf he is a threat because their chemistry especially when they are dancing is ridiculous goodbye] Meena: [deffo gonna get mardy at that and go off to have an argument] Tommy: [are you happy now Thomas? Thought not] Meena: [awkwarddd] Tommy: [get drunker boy that'll totally make it better and not worse] Meena: [cry in the bathroom that's a mood] Tommy: [ruin your make up, oh babe] Meena: [everyone else is so wrecked you'll fit in] Tommy: [by not doing drugs you're one of the least messy] Meena: [exactly dr phil] Meena: [the next day] Meena: Have a safe flight back Tommy: Cheers, I'll probably just 💤 Meena: Can't blame you Tommy: did you get any? Meena: Yeah, I'm fine Meena: had to get up early to clean the restaurant though so not as much as I'd ideally want Tommy: had another 🌱🍏🍈🥬🌿🍐🥝🥒🌼 juice, yeah? Tommy: that's pretty patriotic, you know Tommy: better late than never, like Tommy: throw 🍊🍑🥕 in there too & you're sorted Meena: Yeah, I bet EVERYONE in this fair nation is starting a juice cleanse this AM, not having a fry-up, nah Tommy: 😏 Tommy: green eggs & ham would keep you in theme Meena: 🤢 Tommy: fair 🍳🥞🧇🥓🥐🥯🍞 then Tommy: take your pick Meena: are you gonna post it to me? Tommy: be messy if you're having 🍳 or 🥞 but saves me having to use any words Meena: Probably best to stick to non-perishables Meena: best option for us both, like Tommy: Yeah Meena: How was it, this morning Meena: before you left Tommy: how you'd expect Meena: Yeah Tommy: Bea has to leave too so Fraze's dramatics will take centre stage for a sec but Meena: Distraction is probably the best technique for right now Tommy: worked last night Meena: I bet the parties you have in London are even better Tommy: only 'cause we 🩰 ain't supposed to be partying Meena: and what's more fun than prohibition, sure Tommy: forbidden 🍏🍎🍐🍊🍋🍌🍉🍇🍓🍈🍒🍑🥭🍍🥥🥝 juice is my fave, can't lie Meena: 🙄😏 Meena: enjoy Tommy: you're not supposed to give me your blessing, sucks the fun right out Tommy: forbidden, remember Meena: I'm not a teacher Tommy: yeah you are, whenever Anne needs you Meena: Okay, smartypants Meena: there's nothing I could teach YOU Tommy: not with THAT attitude Meena: 🤨 maybe next time Meena: bring your own 🩰 Tommy: & 🥊 Meena: a look Tommy: the 🩳 are too Meena: what do you wear on your top half though Meena: leotard? Tommy: lads don't usually wear anything to show off 💪 Meena: Who are you showing off to? Tommy: The other lad of course, name a sport that ain't homoerotic Meena: not when you come back here Tommy: when I come back here most of all Meena: no boys in my classes Tommy: Anne's been a letdown from the very beginning, what can I say? Tommy: you're on your own, Meeps Meena: I'll survive Tommy: I know

[tellywoodtrash]

Sanjivani - Weeks 7 + 8

Overall Plot

Sid and Ishani are about 10 minutes away from hardcore Love. And literally every single person knows and is rooting for it (including the security guards at Sanjivani/Ishani’s apartment complex!!!!!), except the two idiots themselves. Shashank is still dealing with the fallout of the thing with Juhi and the admin issues stemming from their unresolved issues, but small mercies, his relationship with Anjali seems to be looking up. Nurse Philo's daughter Jessica has been admitted mere days before her wedding and found to have a terminal illness and it's heartbreaking as fuck.

The Medical Stuff

Lol, does Ishani's "sickness" count? She's pretty convinced that she's dying of something serious, the way she was charting her symptoms and kept getting diagnostic test after diagnostic test, so I think it should. Glad she's finally gotten a diagnosis and the prognosis looks promising! Other than that, Nandini got operated on successfully by the Shashank-Juhi team, and the only active case we have is Jessica's Stage IV cancer. But I think that's going to focus more on the emotional side of things (getting her the dream wedding she wants), since it's at such an advanced stage that it wouldn't respond to treatment anyway.

The Acting

Thank the lord above, they have started giving Surbhi comedy to do, which is where she really shines as an actor. Namit is most excellent at heart eyes, and his crying has improved from the first few weeks; dialogue delivery still needs to be more polished though. Jason and Kunal are being used effectively by giving them hilarious, snarky scenes while they drill some sense into Ishani/Sid. Robin is still pretty much in the background other than to pop up and deliver the occasional wisecrack. Very sad to see Rashmi go, she'd really won my heart as Asha. The seniors got to ease up on the angsty scenes these weeks and I'm grateful for that; it's nice to see them loosen up a bit and smile and joke around. Special mention to Vedika Bhandari as Jessica, who's just ridiculously adorable and sooooooo likable, that I already am having trouble at the thought of letting her character go.

The Characters

Sid: MY DUDES, I DID NOT EXPECT TO FALL THIS HARD FOR SIDDHANT FUCKING MATHUR, BUT WELP, HERE WE ARE. I honestly cannot believe that this boy exists on Tellywood. Where to even start with him in these two weeks? How much younger than his years he seems when he was imploring his mom to stay to meet Shashank; his heart eyes when he wakes up to see Ishani first thing next morning (after waiting to see her the whole night!!!); his bashfulness at all the love he's getting from the whole hospital staff; his good-natured humoring of Ishani's weird behaviour... He's just so unassuming and Soft. I can't really recall seeing this lovable a male lead in tellywood in forever (all I can think of is Hussain K. characters in the early 2000s, in Krishna Arjun and Kumkum and all.) But by no means is Sid a pushover who tolerates any kind of BS. He rightfully rips Rishabh to shreds when he tries to discredit his relationship with Ishani, and understandably calls Ishani out on her nonsense when she's evading her duties, but in a decent way. There is some against-the-wall-caging (because Tellywood), but in a non-threatening manner; he maintains an appropriate distance, does not touch her, and while he does talk in a raised voice due to frustration, never does it veer into yelling that feels dangerous, and he repeatedly asks her if he said or did anything that's making her uncomfortable to be around him. I found it a little strange that he was so vehemently in denial of his feelings for Ishani in last week's episodes, because he seemed to readily accept after his conversation with Guddu Mama (“Halwa banaa ke leke jaaoon? Usko achcha lagega?" with the most hopeful smile; calling Ishani a "bohut hi pyaari si princess" to her face and specifying that he specifically made the halwa for her "pyaaaaar se", being open to the idea of marrying Ishani when Nurse Philo/Jessica jokingly suggest it....) but I guess it would be pretty incongruous for him to instantly fall hard for Ishani AND recognize it, with his past as a "player". So I like that they brought in one of his flings to contrast how different his feelings for Ishani are compared to the other girls he's dated; and subsequently how he's processing his many emotions about the situation. Most of all, I love that his feelings for Ishani don't hamper him from doing his job right; instead they just make him more sensitive to understanding her and making her feel good in any capacity that he can. He came all the way over to her house to apologize for making her cry, AND MADE HER PARATHAS!!!!!!! He slept over, but respectfully all scooched up on her tiny couch! What a goddamn Good Boi. Also, him crying over Jessica's diagnosis? Heart-fucking-breaking. We should all be so lucky to find a doctor who cares about his patients THIS much.

Ishani (or lol as Guddu Mama calls her, "Pareshaani"): I really was expecting the absolute worst with this "Ishani has Loveria" track. And it did not start out well; almost 3 whole episodes were just her puerile lovesick imagination waale music videos and that goddamn CGI titli and I was just like jfc whyyyyyyyyyy. BUT THEN!!!!!!! They finally started showing us the funny side of Ishani, and it's succeeded in making the character lovably kooky, instead of just unpleasant to be around. Her panic attack in the bathroom where she legit thinks she's having a stroke and tries to literally shake off the crush, making all the first year residents repeatedly do ECGs on her, her awkwardness around Sid, the rant where she bemoans falling in love with Sid of all people, her child-like crying to Asha when Sid finally gives her a dressing down for acting idiotic ("Mujhe ITNA daanta! ITNAAAA! Aur unprofessional bhi bola! *violently stabbing finger in the air* UNPROFESSIONAL!!!!!!!!"); all of it was just hilarious as fuck. We're finally seeing the endearing side of Ishani's addled personality. I'm also very glad she got the much-required wakeup call from Sid/Asha, that she's being very unprofessional by running away from her duties, and hopefully from here on, she'll be learn to focus on her job, even with Sid's distracting presence. She's also made quite a bit of progress when it comes to her germophobia; but realistically: it's only with Sid (and Asha) - the two people she's really close to; she's still seen being touch-averse with the rest, but slowly getting better; letting children touch her, offering to shake hands with Jessica and Jignesh, etc.

Asha & Aman: I'm super bummed that Rashmi is being replaced as Asha, because she was honestly so good in the role; cheerful and hilarious in most of her scenes, gentle and sensitive with Ishani, helping her out as much as she can with this inconvenient crush... It's not an easy role, with the accent and all. I hope this new actress is as competent as Rashmi, who always highlighted the humour but without making the accent the punchline; it was always the things she said and how she chooses to word it. It's an important distinction, to not make the regional background into a caricature.

Aman is Aman as usual, lol; vicariously getting kicks thanks to the shenanigans of everyone around. Also, to my surprise, Aman and Asha live together! They offer up their place for a party for Sid; when Ishani freaks out that the cake he ordered isn't Sid's favt. flavour, Aman just shrugs "Meri Asha ko butterscotch pasand hai." I still don't really know what his equation with Asha is, but whatever it is, I love it. Asha's a self-sufficient girl, but it's obvious that Aman feels really protective of her and wants to see her happy always. I really hope the new actress maintains this ambiguous chemistry with Robin too, till the writers decide what direction they wanna take this relationship in.

Dialogue of the Week: Asha [walking in on Ishani holding a sleeping Sid's hand]: Abbe! Humaare saamne toh badi "garma"phobic bani ghoomti hai, ab dekho Dr. Sid ke saath kaise touchy-wouchy ho rahi hai!!!!!!!!!!!

Rishabh: Fucking asshole. He Tried, but he's no match for the razor sharp wit of Sid, or Asha's jugaadu skills to relieve an overworked Ishani. Chal dafa ho, be! Manhoos kahinka.

Neil: He's really really enjoying Sid and Ishani's crushes on each other, taking the mick out of both of them at any given opportunity. I truly lmao-ed when he was seriously examining Ishani for an illness on her insistence and then eye-rollingly dismisses her with "Kuch nahi hua hai tumhe." Cutest snark bean.

Rahil: MY ACTUAL FAVE. Lmao, if Ishani’s got her little purple titli, then Rahil is Sid’s grownass plaid-shirt-wearing TITLA, who appears outta nowhere to serve up piping hot sass at his confused dumbassery. His acerbic, plain-speak snark seems to be the only language Sid understands (as opposed to the first years' gleeful teasing, or the good-natured ribbing of elders like Shashank and Philo and Guddu Mama), and him having to exasperatedly explain things to his boss-who-is-also-his-bff is just hilarious. I relish every single scene he appears in to the max! Also props to him for giving us the gem "same level ke ajeeb" as the OTP tag for SidIsha!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Shashank: A much better fortnight for Dr. Shashank! Two of his idiot babies are very obviously in love (that scene of Ishani showing him her reports and describing the butterfly through pantomime though, lmao) and now his relationship with Anjali is defrosting (the exchange about the surgeon she was interested in and how he wants grandkids from her??? The cutest!!!!) Things still remain frosty with Juhi though, and I don't understand why he won't just address the issue and clarify things in a straightforward manner, instead of dragging it out like this and making it awkward with his COS/mentee. Anyway, good on him for getting that win on Vardhan, but I feel like he needs to stop being so damn stubborn on his issues without giving reasons. It’s not helping matters around here, personally or professionally.

Juhi: Literally the classiest female professional on TV??????? She hasn't stopped holding Shashank accountable for how he sabotaged her career, but I love that she has sorted it out enough to work with him, but also engages in minor acts of pettiness like gleefully scraping his car with hers, cheekily grinning and apologizing saying she needed to get out some of the angst before they operated on a patient together. For what it's worth, I was fully on her side during the argument with Shashank about the machines for the hospital; it sounded like a good deal, but of course, she should have had the foresight to know Vardhan would try to do some kinda fuckery. She’s right in not really trusting Shashank anymore, but needs to be a little more prudent with how she proceeds while making decisions for Sanjivani. In a way, it’s really sad how she doesn’t really have any allies at her level. Shashank was the only one she could really rely on, and he went and blew that relationship up, and now she’s kinda adrift in the organization. I hope Shashank does good by her and repairs the relationship.

Anjali: Phew, finally a good break for Anjali. I'm ecstatic. She's realized that Vardhan's manipulating her and broken free of his gaslighting nonsense. She's much smarter than both Shashank and Vardhan thought she was and yes sis, play them both!!!!!!! She got her COS post, but also isn't playing by Vardhan's rules. Ultimate winner! But does she also have some romantic feelz for V? Coz that last scene between them had very intimate vibes, from the way she walked into his office and knew where the booze was, to her pouring him a glass and casually lounging against the wall like a wife/girlfriend would. She wasn't even really fazed when he grabbed her; either she's a hella strong woman who cannot be trifled with, or she's familiar with this side of him. I really hope it's the former coz she deserves someone who's a grown up version of Sid (*cough* Atul Joshi *cough*) who's super good and healthy for her, not this deceitful fuckwad.

Vardhan: What is his deal? No honestly, does he have some kinda personal stake in saving Sanjivani from financial ruin? It seems so, with how overwrought and devastated he seemed at Shashank exposing the machine waala scam. Also, the way he manhandled Anjali? Unforgivable. Die in a fire, scum.

Rahul: Still haven't seen him but apparently he's hiding in that secret room in the luxury ward? What the everloving experimental fuck is he doing with pregnant women who look to be unable to afford medical care? Nothing ethical, that's for sure. I have a feeling this will maybe tie up to Ishani's parents waala plot, but for the meanwhile, jfc, just reveal yourself man, coz this shit is getting scary as fuck the longer you go unseen.

Overall Rating: 5/5

[ellnaturae]

Strength is Compulsory

Who: Kitty Wilde ( @wildevvitch ), Tina Cohen-Chang ( @cohentoplaywithmagic ), Blaine ( @happilyeveranders ) Anderson and Elliott Gilbert. Location: Undique Stadium. Time: 24th May 2019. Summary: Kittina vs Blelliott. Triggers/Notes: violence, stabbing, homophobia, slurs.

Blaine usually doesn't come to Undique Stadium with a furrowed brow, one manufactured from anger. Its usual place are doubt, self-pity, and disappointment from how one-sided he's been in active duels, from how pointless his presence even feels. The last fight alongside Kurt only shows how different their caliber. Blaine feels alienated from his own body, his own magic, and try as he might to say things will change for the better, and he'll progress, he has an abject reminder he's stagnating. From the result of the battles, all he has received is hundreds of notes on his fellow students and how great they are with their magic and how Blaine just... isn't. But he can't allow himself to get inside his head when he's facing off with one of the most challenging people he's ever dealt with. Kitty Wilde. Blaine paces in the training room, wondering if Elliott's on his way or if Blaine should use their pendant, and he lets go of that cool piece of metal affixed around his neck when he thinks he hears someone approaching. Elliott enters the room, his expression matches his friend's frown but he hasn't seen him yet. He usually fights Kitty only verbally, partially because he told himself fighting her solved nothing, but mostly because he has to admit to himself she is a little... scary. Holy magic, potentially knowing the kneeling spell, it would be that crazy fight he told Santana to stop him from doing, but here he was, ready to fight her with all he got, influenced by the limit of his patience and anger. However, even in times like these, when an uncomfortable knot is starting to form on his stomatch wondering if this would end up anything but well, when he sees Blaine waiting there a small smile appears on his face and he feels a little better. Last time they fought it didn't go great at all, but his trust on Blaine was unwavering, and he believed firmly on them as a team. They could do this, right? "Hey, partner" he winks at Blaine as he stand next to him. Kitty was scowling when she entered the stadium and saw the brat Anderson and his Shedim. 'What an eyesore. Doesn't matter. God will give me His favor and I will WIN.' Kitty thought and raised her cross necklace to irritate Blaine and Elliott. "You two are going to witness God's love today. Repent now or I'll show you God's hatred." She threatened them. She stuck her nose up at the offending sights. Kitty was slightly nervous about Alena but she'd come when Kitty was fighting a demon. She had to. Tina was speeding her way to the stadium not wanting to leave Blainey Days, Elliott-Senpai and Wilde all in the same room together without her to defuse the tension or Kitty being Kitty. Rushing in, she grimaces as everyone was already there. Hopefully, bitter words had not been traded but as she walks in she was too late with Wilde threatening her best friends. "Don't underestimate them, Wilde," Tina calls out,"Pretty sure that these two can show you the most love than any god could." Blaine can't hide his dislike of Kitty Wilde when she strolls in. She's literally threatening us, Blaine thinks and stands closer to Elliott for support -- his or Ell's, that's debatable -- and fires back, "You'd be surprised today." Blaine gives Elliott a look, an encouraging one, when Tina enters in and doesn't know how to add to it. His relationship with Tina feels tenuous too, and Blaine's mind softly nudges him to remember what transpired with Rachel not long ago too. Does he know what Tina's thinking about too? What's going on with Tina and Kitty to make Tina stay with a legitimately vile person? Elliott looks at Kitty showing her cross and he touches his ear where he is wearing his inverted cross earring as a response. He gives a little squeeze to Blaine's shoulder and then places himself a couple of steps before him. He then takes a look at Tina wondering why she isn't on their side of this fight "Let's just start this" he says annoyed as Ziggy appears around his arm surrounded by smoke. He has never wanted to get into a fight more than he wanted today. Kitty rolled her eyes at the garish earring. "Queers just love ruining everything." She muttered. She doesn't listen to Tina because she doesn't need to. However, Kitty was eyeing the three of them to see what would happen. 'Who knows, this could be a trap. People aren't as loyal as they say they are.' Kitty was looking straight at Tina and ignored the anger brimming inside her. 'Those stupid anonymous messages from that raccoon bitch. Who's the liar here? Trashy? Or her?' Kitty tossed her pretty ponytail behind her and threw the salt across the ground to scare Elliott. She walked past them with a mean smirk. "Whatevvs, Trashy. Get on the stage and let's get this done. I have an appointment for nails later." She ordered Tina to stand in front of her. Tina was starting to become slightly anxious for this fight as her hands felt clammy taking out her phone in preparation.  Everything on the room felt on the edge, as she takes a look at Blaine who steps closer to Elliott who seems rather annoyed and boomed. Tina thinks back to the first time she physical met Kitty along with the brutal battle with Blaine. Even though it was training she didn't want that to happen again. Looking at the two boys, Tina never wants to find herself face to face like this with them. This was her doing what she thought was best.  She takes her place in front of Kitty, not because she was taking orders, it has just always been apart of their strategy to be like this. Standing with Kitty behind her and her best friends in front of her, the unease flurries more. If Kitty does hold back at least Tina would be in front to try and defuse it all.  "Wilde," she barks back at the order, facing Bee and Ell to ask them,"Same rules that we had at the SP torment sound good?" Blaine pulled a face at the slur Kitty threw at them and also at Tina's passiveness. "Not as much as hypocritical homophobes love to blame gay people for every instance." He said evenly but it was clear he was not humoring Kitty Wilde or even Tina when she looked at him as they took their places on stage. Unlike other duels, Blaine was seething when he bowed out of politeness of dueling courtesy. Blaine couldn't believe Tina taking her place like this. What exactly was happening at Zephyrus? "Ell, let me know if you need any backup." Blaine whispered. "Who attacks first?" He asked the two women in a polite if tight tone. Elliott frowns "Fuck you, fascists like you ruin people's lives" he looks at Kitty then back at Tina when she is a few steps away from him "Sure" he looks at her confused, he really didn't want to fight Tina, but he was starting to wonder if she did want to fight them. He never had doubted Tina before, but her behavior lately... He sighs and before he gets more serious and on position he turns to Blaine "let me know as well, you can count on Ziggy too" when he faces Tina again his face turns more serious. Kitty smiled at Blaine and Elliott's comments and laughed them off. clicked her tongue at Tina's suggestion and smiled behind her at the two weaklings in front of her. "Yeah, let's show them. This time we won't have St. Pierre or Boulder holding me back." Kitty boasted and pointed at the two of them with prejudice. "With God as my witness, I'll make you two see the light." Kitty couldn't see Tina's face and wondered if the three of them were plotting something against her. 'I can't trust anyone.' Kitty thought. 'I always get betrayed. The club. My parents. That bitch Alena. I need to strike first instead of being hurt first!' Kitty decided to take the initiative.

Kitty pressed her palms together to pray. "Heavenly Father, I’m but your humble servant, lend me your power. Fill your holy vessel with your magnificence! Soul Armament!" Kitty pulled something out of thin air. It was her glaive but it still had a cracked end. When Kitty grabbed it, she didn't feel any body there behind the weapon. 'Still being such a brat!' Kitty grimaced at Alena's absence. When that fish came back, Kitty was going to give her a talking to. "Heavenly Father! I’m but your humble servant, lend me your power. Fill your holy vessel with your magnificence! Shield your Chosen One!" Instead of protecting Tina, Kitty shielded herself. Kitty: (1d7 + 1d10)*2 Shield Kitty = ((5) + (10))*2 = 30 Over her shoulder, Tina with gritted teeth,"You are not going to be like that with them. Don't you even dare." All of this was already hard enough standing on the in between, Tina swears that it was getting hotter here the more anxious she was becoming. Kitty was in no mood to hold back evident from not even to wait to hear how she wanted to battle as she attempts to summon her Soul Armament but something, something was off about it, she tries to work out what it was but she only bared witness to her Soul Arment a handful of times.  Something pauses as the Bloodline Witch protects herself first, not Tina. "What the..." Tina is thrown off muttering under her breath. This was not how they did things. What was going on in Kitty's head? Tina snaps out of it as she looks at her best friends, both sporting a more serious look. A flat line upon her face as she summons one of her queens to the right of her.🔮⚔👑 ⚔️ 🔮  taking full form, in all its data glory.

Tina: 1d7+2+1-1:  1d7 Queen HP = (1) = 1 Blaine tries as he might to understand Tina's logic, he cannot. "Why are you over there?" He asks from behind his position, trying to get Tina's attention. "Why are you fighting us? Does Kitty have something on you? I just... I don't get you, Tina!" Blaine finally lets that last bit out. It's a bitter truth and Blaine's been skirting around it but now it's out there. Blaine sees another data creature summoned next to her and Blaine bites behind his lip and sees that he needs to take down the enemies.

Blaine: 2d6kl1 Attack Queen = (2+2) = 2 Blaine fans both hands out and casts, Esteemed one of wind, please help me clear my path! Blaine doesn't have a lot of emotional control and his mind is teeming with questions. The loss of focus makes his spell waver but it's enough to slice toward Tina's digital creature.

Tina: 2d7kl1-1 Queen Counter Blaine = (4+3)-1 = 2

Elliott hears what Blaine asks Tina, maybe what he was also wanting to ask but hadn't been brave to all this time either "I'm interested to know to..." he says as Blaine attacks. He takes that moment to concentrate if Blaine goes for the Queen, he will go for Kitty. He shakes his arm a little as if telling Ziggy, this is your turn. The snake slowly moves to his hand and starts disappearing into smoke, when the smoke disperses a rusted chain appears around the place where the snake used to be. He lets one of the ends of the chains hang and he starts swinging it in the air. 

Elliott: 1d6 + 1d5  + 2= (6) + (4) + 2 = 12

Elliott he throws the chain against Kitty's shield.

Kitty whispered back to Tina with a bitchy glare. "I'm going to be whatever I want with anyone, you're not my boss. You're supposed to be my battle partner. So battle. Or I'll fight by myself. That's what you want, isn't it, for me to be alone!" Kitty wouldn't let that happen. She wouldn't lose. Everyone would hate her if she did. She shook her glaive to throw one more attack when the light inside fizzled out. "Cheese and rice, what in Big Daddy God's holy name?" Kitty swore. The glaive didn't feel powerful. It felt like there was no magic inside. "Alena? Hello? Is this you?" Kitty yelled at her weapon. She wasn't paying attention to the chain thrown at her. It clanged loud against her shield and Kitty looked up to see that heathen demon had a Soul Armament too. 'That can't be right. God would never give...' Kitty was frightened.

Tina watches as her Queen is obliterated by Blaine's wind fading away into binary ones and zeros. Remnants of his cause her hair to flicker behind as she stun by his words. Despite being behind Elliott, his words were loud and clear. "You, don't get me?" Tina repeats in disbelief. "You seriously don't get me?" She repeats out loud trying to understand what her distant best friend was asking of her. "It was meant to be just us but then, then Kitty came in and I don't want you fight just her. I don't want to have Kitty fighting alone," she looks back at her Socium Partner. "That's all this is Bee! You too Senpai. This is all that it is." Rather clearly, it wasn't there was something more than just fighting face value.  Not attacking, she sticks with her plan to just to keep on summoning, this time to her left  🔮 ⚡ 🐉️⚡️ 🔮 her magic circle glows as she digitally constructs her usual partner.

Tina: 1d7 Dragon HP = (4) = 4

Blaine 's face gets hot from the disarming tone Tina takes up with him. What is he missing here? That's what he is asking from Tina, to fill him in. "Why? You could have told her no! I said no! But she's threatening people, and are we kidding ourselves when I say no one seems to respond to that? That we all think if we ignore that she'll go away? Why are you fighting with her, then? If you're so against her beliefs?! Why don't you want to have her fighting alone? She's the only one who thinks I should go to conversion therapy, and that Elliott deserved to be a slave! That's not all this is! This is more than just a simple duel, this is our lives here! How are we supposed to feel when you're on her side, and then say 'this is all that it is' without understanding why we'd be upset?!" Blaine moves forward. "If you don't want to fight me, that's fine! But don't stop me from fighting Kitty."

Elliott chain swings in his hands for a moment he stands there listening to Blaine, he has Tina right in front of him and he looks directly at her "Is that all that it is?" he asks echoing Blaine's sentiment "I feel like you are the one not getting it..." he sighs "You always say you are on our side, that you support what we believe in, and your words are beautiful and touching... I want to believe in you, because it's you, but... what are we left to feel when we see you standing in front of her?" he pauses " your words mean nothing if they are not backed up by your actions" he says bitterly and swings the chain up in the air ready to attack again.

Elliott: 1d6 + 1d5 +2  = (2) + (2) +2 = 6

Elliott sents the chain Kitty's way again.

Kitty: 1d6 + 1d10  = (2) + (3) = 5

Kitty didn't understand why Tina wouldn't just zap the two of them like she had done with Kitty in the past. What was her partner thinking. Was this a trap for Kitty? "Come on, move your digital summons! Hit them with your tech magic! You were so strong with them!" Kitty said to Tina hotly. She wasn't even listening to Blaine and Elliott talking. 'Who cares to listen to their dumb heroic speeches.' But she caught onto a part the Shedim had said and fired back, "Why are you guys acting like I'm not even here! Freaking notice me! I'm here!" She was getting angry. "Is this the secret plan with the three of you, to pretend I'm not here? Fine. I'll make sure you guys notice me. Get the hell out of my way, Trashy." She didn't want Tina to get caught under the beam even if Tina was thinking of betraying her. Kitty smashed the end of her glaive into the ground and it sparked with a little life. The glaive cracked more. Heavenly Father! I’m but your humble servant, lend me your power. Fill your holy vessel with your magnificence, let my spirit be yours, my body nothing, let it bear all wounds, all pain, all death, for my place is with you in Heaven, shed me of this mortal sin…  Kitty's body was sparkling with light.

Here is were the strain and voices tug in Tina's heart and in her mind. All the things that she had gone on ignoring blinded by her feelings, deniable feelings towards the toxic Bloodline. This is were all the lines seem to blur between feelings and the way that they rippled out, hurting, ruining and restricting lives.  She runs her palms pushing her away from her face to try speak without a crack in her voice,"Because I didn't wanna tell her no, I didn't want her fighting you one on one, either of you. Kitty is powerful and I think we know that." Tina looks between Blaine and Elliott,"Just because I'm fighting along side her does not mean that I believe the same thing as her. Please don't think that, that is nothing I ever want you to think of me. I'm not on her side when it comes to how she thinks we should live. But then...." she struggles and stammers,"One thing, one thing that no one else see's no one else see's is the reason why we have all be partnered up in the first place. After...after what happened that night with mom and dad..." Tina looks directly at them,"Kitty makes me feel safe. She strong, she can fight, she can heal she can protect. It's a feeling I'm trying to ignore and say that I don't need, I can't help it if that is the way that she makes me feel. Call me selfish for it but it's true." So lost in her own battling thoughts and emotions she vaguely hears Kitty until her voice is fuelled with anger and a bright light leaves from Kitty. That fear that trembles comes over her knowing the spell all too well. "Kitty, no!!!" Tina screams taking a step closer to Kitty's left.

Blaine replied, "Why didn't you want to? What's wrong with telling Kitty 'no'?! Who cares if she's powerful if she's evil. I don't care if she's strong, I'll fight her regardless because she's wrong!" Blaine saw Tina's face screw up and wished he could feel sad, but he couldn't. He couldn't when the sadness and pity and sympathy he was feeling for Tina dissipated when she moved away from Kitty, revealing what was behind her. Tina revealed she didn't feel secure with Blaine or Elliott. Only Kitty. Even if Kitty was the one threatening their lives. Blaine's blood ran cold at seeing the prone girl on the floor, glowing. He remembered the spell Kitty was doing. He remembered a year from ago. Kitty was facing Elliott. She was going to hurt Elliott and not even that -- Kitty's holy magic could kill Elliott. "No!" Blaine moved in front of Elliott, right in the line of Kitty's aim.

Elliott can't even react, everything is happening so fast. Tina runs aside, Blaine gets on the way, Kitty is... shinning? He acts by instint realizing Blaine is getting on the way to protect him, but he doesn't want his friend to get hurt either so he tries to move him aside.

Elliott: 1d6 to push blaine = (4) = 4

Blaine: 1d6  = (3) = 3

Kitty: 1d50*4  = (36)*4 = 144

Kitty didn't see anyone acknowledging her in their talk. Including her socius pactum. They were speaking around her like Kitty wasn't in the room. She couldn't respond due to the spell but she wanted to scream at them. She wanted to scream at Tina. Tina liked her because she was strong. So what about when Kitty was weak? Was she worthless? When Kitty was weak, didn't they all take advantage of it? Sister Quinn finally replied when Kitty told her about Alena's disappearance. Tina told Santana Lopez, the trickster, all about Kitty's moment of weakness in the desert. But they all pretended they didn't hurt Kitty. They pretended Kitty was the only one who hurt them. 'Nobody asks me if I feel safe. Only God protects me but sometimes I don't feel secure.' Kitty felt the power rise up in her though. She had to let it explode. And let my body burn up in your light of Justice, oh Heavenly Father!! She sent the blast in front of her. Whoever it was, they would taste Kitty's pain.

Tina was in a blind furry to by Kitty's side as she did the spell in a means to stop her with no knowledge how too. In her moment of desperation, she was not even thinking of the consequences to the people that were in front of her, Blaine and Elliott. Everything happened way too fast for her process it as Kitty unleashed her holy beam onto Elliott. Rationality hit in as her idiotic heart and foolish actions were leading to something that would be unforgettable and unforgiveable.

Blaine's readying himself, he doesn't want Elliott to feel the searing pain of holy magic, however something solid grabs him by the scruff of his neck, wraps a strong around around his shoulder and drags him to the side, near pushing him a good three feet away. Blaine lands in the ground in an uncoordinated heap as he hasn't been expecting it and the worst thing imaginable flashes in front of his eyes as the bright light overtakes everything, engulfing Elliott. Blaine shouts but he can't hear himself scream out Elliott's name. When the light is gone, Blaine scrambles up on his feet and runs to his partner's side. He skids on his knees and holds Elliott. "Elliott. Oh my--aether, no, no..." Blaine tucks his head in and can't help but tear up.

Elliott sees the strong light out of Kitty's body. Spreading. There isn't anything he can imagine, how this would feel, what would happen to him. And he is terrified but he is glad he did have time to move Blaine out of the way. This couldn't be good. His eyes are almost blinded and there isn't really time to react, the holy magic hits him. If he could think that time he felt intense physical pain when he was stabbed, it wasn't even comprable to what this was. There weren't words to describe it, it was like burning through inside out, as if his body could practically break in thousand pieces. And it drains him. There isn't strength in him, and he lets out a scream that makes his whole body tremble as he falls to the floor unconcious.

Her light was dazzling and blinding but how was it deadly and destructive. Tina watches in utter horror paralysed by Elliott's deafening scream, a scream that makes her blood turn cold. The scream echoes within her as flashes of other deadly screams play back fast: Blaine's from the number times she bares witness to him hurt, her own scream as she stands and watching as the moments unfurl. Her mother's own heart wrenching scream watching as her father falls hurt from the Pagan. Each times the moment plays the same: a scream, the one she cares about hurt and Tina Cohen-Chang only every standing there. Right now, the moment plays the same, all she does it stand there doing nothing, the only thing that tears this moment apart, Tina had made a choice. But her head becomes a furry between the logical, rationality and reason against complex emotions that dwell in her heart. How could the tech witch dare say she chose her heart when the sight of her the people she cares for most in the world, the two she would call her heart, she had broken and turn against? How could she say she thought with her heart? Elliott falls. Blaine to his side. Kitty is faint. And Tina does nothing. A choice was made with consequences that will last, unforgivable: making ties she once considered to be unbreakable cut and undone. There would be no coming back from this one.   

[ellanainthetardis]

OMG you have to write about Effie surprising Haymitch with eatable lingerie. Please please please. I loved today's prompt.

It took a while but here it is! [X]

Sugar Rush

Haymitch was used to the Capitol’s crazy trendsbut this one took the cake – literally.

“What the fuck are you wearing?” he scoffed,forgetting to even grumble about her wake up call. Effie Trinket hiking all theway to his house on Reaping Day wasn’t unheard of, not to say it was more orless the rule. She didn’t trust him not to show up in his pajamas – and he did have something of a track record onthat front. Tossing drops of water on his face really wasn’t the worst she haddone to wake him up either so he simply grabbed the towel she had readied andstared at her some more because…

She looked like a giant cake.

A giant pink cake complete with white frosting,colorful sprinkles and the occasional sugar rose. And she smelt like a cake too. The sweet flagrance of pastry was almostoverwhelming in the dumpster he lived in.

She must have thought so too because shewrinkled her nose and headed straight for the window. It resisted but shepushed until it finally gave and fresh air blissfully came in.

“Go shower.” she ordered, regarding the messthat was his bedroom with obvious disgust.

“You’re not the boss of me, Trinket.” he growled,gathering the sheet around his hips because he had been too drunk to care aboutpants last night. Not that it really mattered because she had seen every partof him up close at this point but she was annoying him. He spotted the pressedsuit hanging on the door and he groaned. Trust her to force him intouncomfortable clothes.

“Please, go take a shower, Haymitch, so I cantrim the heap of hay on your head into something resembling a haircut.” sheamended sweetly with a bright fake smile. Her blue eyes were twinkling inamusement though and it was the only reason he didn’t fight her further. Whatwas the point when he would end upforced to go to that Reaping andready to her expectations, no less?  

He trudged out of bed, stopping just longenough to press a kiss on her lips that had her wrinkling her nose again at hismorning breath.

“Smartass.”he accused.

“And I am certainyour toothbrush would love to getreacquainted with your mouth!” she called after him.

He waved his hand at her without bothering toturn back. “I know something thatwants to get reacquainted with your mouth.”

There was a huff in answer and he chuckled tohimself as he turned the water on in the shower, brushing his teeth while hewaited for it to get warm. By the time he was done in the bathroom and cameback to the bedroom with only a towel around his hips, she had clearly gone towork. Trust Effie to put order to his chaos, he mused, as he took in theoverflowing clothes hamper and the floorboards that had previously been coveredwith dirty laundry. She had also undressed the bed but hadn’t gone as far as tomake it again – possibly because he didn’t have any more clean sheets.

“You need a housekeeper.” she declared when sheheard him come into the kitchen.

There too marks of her passage were visible.Dirty dishes had been gathered and left to soak and she had sprayed some sortof perfume in the air that was pungent but not enough to really cover the smellof rot, the window and the back door were both open too.

Fresh coffee was waiting for him on the tableand he made a beeline for it, dropping on a chair and resolutely not eyeing thecomb, hairbrush and scissors she had readied. He hated that part but he wouldrather have her cutting his hair that submitting to a prep team.

“What’s with the cake outfit?” he asked,leaning to snatch a bottle of liquor from the counter. She clucked her tonguein disapproval when he generously spiked his coffee but he ignored her. If hewas going to survive the day, he needed it.

She tugged on his hair with the comb as shetold him all about the latest rage in the city being a cooking show and how everything was about food right now… Hegroaned and rolled his eyes, too aware of the amount of wasted food the Capitolwent through every day. To make it a fashion accessory though… That was new.

“So it’s edible?” he asked curiously, reachingfor one of the delicately chiseled sugar roses on her waist.

She batted his hand away with her lips pursedand her eyes narrowed in warning. Nomessing with the outfit before the show. He got it loud and clear. The factthat she had scissors right next to his ear wasn’t lost on him either and he wiselykept his hands to himself. Her features immediately cheered up and she beamed,a slow secret smile stretching her lips.

“Why, Haymitch… Everything I am wearing right now is edible.” she purred. “Thedress is just… the appetizer.”

If that dress was meant to be sexy, she neededto think again.

But what she was saying was enticing though…

What did she have underneath? “You know I’vegot a sweet tooth.”

A sweet tooth that hadn’t seen a candy inalmost a whole year. And he was hungry. Very, very hungry. There was only somuch relief he could find with his own hand.

“A shame this house in so unsanitary.” shedeadpanned. “Head my words: hire someone.” She ran her fingers in his hair,contemplating. She must have been satisfied with her work because she startedpacking her tools. “Put on the suit I laid out for you. And, please, let’s not start arguing aboutties so soon. We both know you will wear it in the end so do not be difficult.”

“I’m curious…” He stood up slowly, very much inher personal space. What perfume had she spread herself with? Cotton candy? It was too strong, sostrong it made him a bit nauseous. “You want me to hire a young bird to bearound me all day?”

“I never specified she should be young.” Effiereplied, lifting a challenging eyebrow. “An old woman would do just as well ifnot better and she could probably use the wages. Or a man, even.”

“But so less easy on the eyes…” he taunted,smirking hard. “Might not be such a bad idea… Wouldn’t mind a pretty girl tolook at.”

Anger flashed in her eyes. “I think you areconfusing the role of a housekeeper with a whore’s. If you are so desperate, goto a brothel. And do not try to tellme there aren’t any in Twelve. I am fairlycertain you know all the secret addresses of houses of ill-repute.”

They were a few but he had never been there andhe would never start. It felt too much like exploiting human misery and it wastoo reminiscent of what the Capitol had had him do on occasions.

She was pursing her lips tight and openlyglaring at him and the sight was far too enticing. He leaned in and kissed her,insisting until her unyielding mouth gave under his and she responded in kind. Hishands found her waist and he nudged her against the table, distracting her withhis lips so she wouldn’t get what he was up to until she was too caught up init to care. Her fingers were tangled in his hair, tugging hard to guide hishead the way she wanted it… At some point, her nails ran down the side of hisneck, scratching more than stroking and he groaned against her mouth, juttinghis hips forward by reflex…

He was hard already and was it that surprising?It had been months since the lasttime. Months. Winter had dragged on andon and it was completely sick that hewas becoming impatient for spring and Reaping day just so he could get laid. Itmade him sick to the stomach to think that way, to let his brain be dictated byhis dick. And yet… There he was, desperate to get his way because…

“Oh! No, no, no!” she protested when he tried to lift her up on the table. Shehad cleaned it, she couldn’t object to it, yeah? Granted, he knew his housewas… Well, he knew it was disgusting and really not the best place for thiskind of stuff. For one thing, he tended to break bottles, glasses and platesand to carelessly brush the pieces aside and getting naked in this mess could potentially end up with shards inawkward places – and that was without even talking about the fact he hadn’tbothered cleaning in years. But shehad cleaned the table to lay out her haircutting tools and… “This dress is delicate, Haymitch. And it is reallymeant to be worn once, I cannot take it off.”

He took that in stride, his fingers tighteningon her waist. “Fine, then keep it on.”

He could work around that. He had worked aroundthat before. It wasn’t like they always bothered getting undressed when theyhad an itch to scratch.

“It is too fragile.” she insisted, coiling herhands around his wrists and pushing them away. “I am sorry but it will look awfulif the sugar roses break.”

He blinked at her. “You’re serious?”

She pressed herself against him and that was cruel because there was no way she couldn’t feel his erectionpoking her in the stomach. She pecked his lips, looking apologetic. “After theReaping.”

He shook his head at her, irritated and too hotand bothered to care that he was acting like a pressuring jerk. “I’ll see youat the Square.”

“Haymitch…” she sighed.

He didn’t bother answering her, storming out tohis bedroom where he immediately took matters in his own hands.

He was late and very much not caring when hemade his way to the Justice Building later on – missing a tie that had mysteriously ended up in the trash hehad finally decided to take out. Effie and the Mayor were already on stage and,useless to say, she didn’t look very happy with the way he looked. She cluckedher tongue as soon as he had climbed the stairs and started smoothing wrinklesoff his suit and trying to fix his hair. He grumbled and struggled against herhands but she was determined and stubborn. And annoyed by the lack of tie.

The Reaping put an end to their bickering. Hewasn’t in any mood to banter or fuck by the time it was done. The kids shereaped were too young, too scrawny and too visibly terrified. Effie did herbest but the boy started crying and Haymitch wrote him off right there and thenbecause to the Careers he would be an easy target and for the sponsors he wouldonly be pitiful. The girl wasn’t faring much better.

He left her the task of escorting the childrenby herself. Tired and angry by the whole ordeal, he preferred to head to thetrain instead of waiting for the goodbyes to be over. He knew there was littlechance on finding peace on board, that he would enjoy a few glasses at mostbefore she came to fetch him so he could be introduced to their tributes. If hewas lucky and he hid well, he would be buzzed by the time that happened.

He wasn’t,in fact, buzzed because his idea to hide in the dining room car had been a badone. She passed through it on the way to the bar car and she dragged him backto their new tributes with a lot of theatrics he could have done without. Thenext minutes were awkward on many levels. The kids were afraid of them both,that was plain to see, and if they were afraid of them…

He exchanged a look with Effie at some point,not surprised to find her smile strained.

By the time dinner rolled around and after theywere done sitting through an endless silent meal with only Effie’s pointlesschatter as a soundtrack, Haymitch had decided the best Twelve could hope forthis year was a quick death.

He disappeared right after they were done,leaving it to Effie to guide the kids back to the living-room car so they couldwatch the Reaping recaps. He didn’t need to see what the other tributes lookedlike. One look at his had been enough to know there was no saving them.

It was late and he was deep in his bottle bythe time his bedroom door opened. He was drunk but not wasted and he watched asEffie studied him and tried to determine how much exactly he had swallowed.

“Still too sober for this shit.” he told her eventually because she was just standing there,watching him.

She took that as her cue and closed the doorbehind her, hastily picking up the jacket, shirt and pants he had discardedearlier to place them on a chair. “Can’t you last at least an hour before making a mess of a room?”

“Yeah, ‘cause that’s our biggest problem right now.” he scoffed, taking anotherswing of his bottle. It was getting difficult to get wasted nowadays. Histolerance threshold was high and… Effie snatched the bottle from his hand andhe scowled. “Don’t you fucking darenag when…” He fell silent when she brought it to her lips, making a face as thetaste of tequila touched her tongue. She took two slow mouthfuls and placed iton the bedside table before straddling his thighs. He sighed. “Not in the moodanymore.”

Not now that he had put faces on the tributeshe was going to lose this year.

She plucked a sugar rose from her dress insilence and broke a petal that she ate silently, her eyes cast down. “Theywon’t last five minutes.”

That she was willing to admit that much aloudsurprised him because she was usually the one who kept up the pretense up tothe last seconds. She convinced the children they could win, she tried toconvince him that if he just mentoredthem right they might have a chance, she convinced herself that this year was theyear they would make it…

He never gave the kids false hopes.Never. He kept it realistic. But her cheerful optimism compensated that nicelybecause it gave them hope. They needed the balance between the two of them.That was how they mentored. That was how they worked.

“Gloomy isn’t a good look on you.” he said.

It earned him a sad smile but she still kept onmunching on her sugar rose.

“I am getting so tired of this…” she confessedin a whisper.

And he got it, really. She had been workingwith him for ten years by now. Nine years of failure. And he doubted they weregoing to win the Seventy-second Hunger Games so… It made it ten lost Games,really.

“You’re gonna quit?” he asked straight out. Italways got to that point. Escorts tended to come and go, only a few remainedfor the long ride, either because they wanted to be promoted to a betterDistrict or because they had developed a twisted sense of duty. Effie was inthe last category. However, they always came to a point when it was too muchand they were desperate to get out and forget. He didn’t blame them. If he hadbeen allowed, he would have given up a long time ago.

“No.” she sighed. “I will stay as long as theywill let me but you should know I am not sure how long that will be. I am wellpast thirty now and while Seneca is happy to have me on the staff, I am suresomeone will petition to have me replaced with a younger woman soon enough.”She waved her hand and ate another sugary petal. “I will stay with you as longas I can, though.”

The fact that they would soon replace her was areality he tried not to think about. Escorts rarely remained on board beyondthirty and it was unheard of to have one past thirty-five. The drones came withan expiratory date, it seemed. He wasn’t sure he would now how to do thiswithout her with him. She had made herself essential. She was his ally, hispartner… He had stopped minding being the only mentor in Twelve because… Well,she filled that role nicely. They were a team.

Those weren’t joyful thoughts and it didn’thelp his mood any.

He stole the sugar rose and plopped it in hismouth, chewing on it loudly, making her wrinkle her nose in disgust. “Manners!”

“Gloomy reallyisn’t a good look on you.” he insisted, his mouth still full of sugar.

She huffed but placed her hand on his stomach,her thumbnail not quite poking him in his bellybutton. “Perhaps you should puta better look on my face, then.”

“Can’t, sweetheart.” he denied, pluckinganother sugar rose from her waist. “I’m having dessert.”

“And who is stopping you?” she challenged,reaching on her side for the hidden row of tiny little buttons. He lifted hiseyebrows and enjoyed the show. She had been right before, the dress reallywasn’t meant to be worn twice. His bed was covered with coppers of sugar,broken roses and sprinkles by the time she had slipped it over her head andtossed it to the floor. She inspected the mess with a pout and eventuallyshrugged. “You can sleep in my room tonight.”

He had more urgent preoccupations than where hewas going to sleep.

He licked the sugar off his thumb, eyeing theweird piece of lingerie she had on. The bra was barely more than small candieson a string with two pink thin pieces of… Was it fabric or something else? Hecould hardly say because it seemed to have melt on her skin in some places.Whatever it was, it covered her breasts. The panties were very much the same.The outlines were all candies and the covering parts were that weird material.

It couldn’t have been very comfortable.

Her poutdeepened when she glanced down at herself. “It melted. It wasn’t supposed tomelt.”

“That’s edible?” he asked, propping himself onhis elbows, very much interested.

“I told you.” she grinned. “Everything I amwearing is edible.”

His mouth immediately closed on her breast andshe gasped. The weird pink thing immediately melted on his tongue. It wasstrawberry flavored. He ate it all and then moved on to the other breast. Shewas short of breath by the time he was done with that.

“I’m gonna have a sugar rush.” he snorted,rolling them over so she would be flat on her back and he could focus on thestrawberry flavored panties. He realized quickly that it covered everything but the interesting part. She mumbledsomething about sugar not having any place being down there but she was a bittoo busy wriggling under his tongue to be coherent.

She was a sight once all was left was thecandies outlines but she whined when he started capturing them between histeeth one after the other.

“You do not have to eat them all!” she complained.

That made him chuckle and he kept his hand busybetween her legs while he did justthat, making sure to never apply enough pressure to get her off. She was sofrustrated by the time he was done with her bra that he thought she was readyto murder him.

It wasfun though.

“You know I hate wasting food.” he smirked ashe moved on to the candies neatly lined at her waist.

“I hate you.” she claimed, letting her headheavily flop down on her pillow. “I am never wearing this sort of things again.Oh.”

She bundled the sheets in her fists and archedher back when his tongue found a sweet spot.

“Sure about that?” he challenged.

He was a bit mad with lust himself in the endand he spread her legs apart without much care to bury himself inside her,almost breathing out in relief at the familiar warmth of her. No wonder hishand was a poor substitute.

They did move to her bedroom after they weredone, mainly because his bed was full of sugary crumbs and pieces of candy. Hegrumbled about being forced to share her bed but let her snuggle close to himall the same, trailing his fingers up and down her side.

He was bone-deep exhausted now, the good kindof exhaustion, but it wasn’t enough for his mind to stop running in circles.

Clearly, she was on the same line of thoughtsbecause she let out a long sigh against his neck.

“One day, we will win.” she promised.

He wasn’t sure he believed her.

But it was a nice enough idea.

[the-grumpiest-of-faeries]

don’t reblog

this is just the ramblings of tired me, eyes stinging from makeup and tears

Like… what the fuck just happened. This past week has been a wild storm of emotions and things happening. Like, first I had to pull three all-nighters? Two of them in a row? During Saturday- Tuesday I got maybe between four hours of sleep total. TOTAL. I’ve never done anything like that before. Like, my professors just HAD to assign two presentations, two essays, an essay proposal,,, like? On top of that I had to do this FUCKING COSTUME for the school that was like a MASCOT COSTUME? I’ve never done anything like that before. I don’t do furry shit. I do ball gowns and dresses, that’s it. But they offered to pay me, so I said yes because I need the money. Little do my friends know but I’ve been very paycheck-to-paycheck the past few months. It’s been hard for my family and my dad is supposed to get a raise but the university is taking forever? I might have to go down there myself and scream at someone because my dad took over his old boss’ job like FIVE FUCKING YEARS AGO and hasn’t had his salary raised to that of his former boss’ salary…. Like wtf. So anyway, this week has been tough. Then I find out Thursday night that this girl I go to school with was hit by a car at an intersection I walk through several times a day. It’s an intersection I worry about, my family worries about, and sure enough, something awful happened. She was walking across a SIX LANE ROAD and a car comes speeding through, most likely plowing a red light and on their phone, and books it and disappears. Luckily a bystander saw the license plate but like WHAT THE FUCK. Last I heard Thursday night was that she was in surgery and that she was going to lose an arm. The next morning she had passed away. Like. This is a girl I knew. We weren’t friends but does it matter? No. She was kind, though, and always smiled at me as we passed each other. She was a kind spirit and a good person. In every class I had with her she brought light to the class and joy to those around her. She is gone too soon. Too fucking soon. The school is hosting a grief session on Monday and I want to go with Kellen but also like… we don’t want to intrude on her close friends who are obviously grieving more than we are. But we still have emotions we need to work through. We’re still affected by her passing. I had a class during the session but my teacher said we’ll start late so people can go without missing class…. I’ll probably end up going and sitting near the back. I don’t know. I just know that I’m hurt.So, as for today. My school did this drag show and as anyone who knows me knows, I love costumes. Naturally I decided to use my Ursula costume from Halloween and sing Poor Unfortunate Souls. All was well. Rehearsal went okay, I was ready. My AMAZING friend Anna did my makeup, as she’s done twice before, and I looked flawless. Easily the most makeup on anyone there, the best makeup job too, like…. And my costume took over $400+ to make, TWO MONTHS, about 80 total man hours, during school mind you,,,, this costume was amazing. I got up there on stage……. And they DIDN’T FUCKING DOWNLOAD MY SONG. THEY WANTED TO STREAM IT ON THIS SHITTY ASS SCHOOL WIFI. I HAD TWO FALSE STARTS BEFORE THE SONG FULLY LOADED…… LIKE WHAT KIND OF UNPROFESSIONALISM. So anyway, I swallow it with grace, do my little number, sing my heart out and almost murder my larynx, and I go sit down. I wait until the end and of course I’m one of the two finalists. The other finalist is this girl, Alex? I think? But my friends and I call her Anime because she always wears anime wigs to school….. like literally she’s such a joke. Anyway, for her show she did like a fucking strip-tease dance? Where she takes off articles of her clothes and throws them around? Like none of us consented to watching that, I know I wasn’t the only one who was uncomfortable during her performance. Like I don’t like seeing anything like that unless I’ve consented, which I obviously did not because it just made me feel gross and ALSO THEY DIDN’T EVEN ASK IF PEOPLE WERE OKAY WITH SEEING THAT. Like someone could have gone into shock for all I know. Anyway, so we’re the finalists and we have to lip-sync (which I DON’T DO. LIKE I CANNOT LIP SYNC AND I KNOW IT SO I DON’T????) but anyway I go up there, and wardrobe malfunction. My gloves slip down, so I fling them off. Applause and cheering. My wig flies off. SCREAMING. People are shook. Anyway, it comes time for the winner to be chosen and they do the fucking “cheer the loudest for who you want to win.” It should have been chosen by judges. The two finalists were chosen by judges, the winner should have been chosen by judges. You can probably tell from my salty tone but she one. I knew if I stayed there I would either attack that bitch, tear her apart, I don’t know… but something was gonna go down… so I just left. I went outside and walked around in the rain for a bit. It calmed me down. But fuck. FUCKING FUCK. This next week is going to be hell. And then I just have that week of finals and I’ll leave. I only have to make it like 13 days and I can leave. 

An open letter to Camille:

How dare you use Kellen as your messenger. If you knew her at all you would know how uncomfortable that would make her. It is incredibly disrespectful not only to her, but to me. As Luca and Moth said at the start of the show, Kelcie’s death has touched everyone at MCA, regardless of how well they knew her. I stayed it bed nearly all of Friday. Don’t think her passing is something I can just fling aside- it carries weight and affects all of us. It may have slipped your eyes up on that high horse of yours, but I recently made a costume for the school and was paid for it. Money is no object to me right now. Both I and my father have donated to the go fund me page for Kelcie’s funeral, but did you even think to consider that I was planning on donating the Moth scholarship to Kelcie’s funeral fund? Probably not, since you obviously think so poorly of me. I should have seen it as a red flag when you still were friends with Meredith even after I told her how she had emotionally and verbally abused me, how she had been such a horrible person towards me, yet for whatever reason I tried to see the good in you. Obviously there is no good in you. You’re too blinded by your own emotions to even consider that other people are hurting and OBVIOUSLY you think the worst of me, probably other people, despite the fact that we have never treated you badly or given you cause to think we are bad people. I’ve never performed before, this took a lot out of me considering my social anxiety. I’m not using that as an excuse for this day being hard for me, but it definitely took a lot of me coming out of my shell to put myself out there like I did. I was hurt, as ANYONE WOULD BE, when someone who basically did a strip tease on stage won. No one consented to that, it was vulgar and in poor taste, as is everything anime does (wig girl? What is her name anyway?). I am deeply hurt Camille. Hurt, and I’m done with you. Obviously you don’t care about my feelings or anyone else’s so I’m done putting up with you. Don’t ever speak to me again, don’t talk to me, just disregard my presence. Obviously you disregard my emotions and feelings, so you might as well disregard all of me. BYE.

[modernsocialmediaau]

don’t wanna dance alone

First show done. Moments after the girls bow, they all say goodbye.

" Thank you so much San Francisco! " Lauren screams and waves to the fans as she waits for the girls to say goodbye. Lauren signs a few more autographs and took a few more selfies while she waits

" You rock San Francisco! " Normani adds, jumping up and down, then joins Lauren with the whole autographs and selfie session.

" We love you San Francisco! " Camila shouts while picking up the things on stage that the fans have thrown.

" Goodnight San Francisco! Lemme here you again Bay Area " Dinah screams blowing kisses at the fans making them cheer louder.

" Thank y'all so much for coming to our first show! Y'all been great! We love you! " Ally finishes and the show is over. The girls run off stage trying to quickly remove their ear pieces while carefully placing their mics . After placing their mics they immediately run to their dressing rooms while giving high fives to those that cheer and saying good job on the way. The idea of performing is always so exciting, it's just such an adrenaline rush for these girls.

" --Jam session. " Camila shouts say taking Lauren out of her head.

" I feel so blessed doing this with you guys. " Ally coos trying to remove her costume, well struggling to remove her costume.

" Aw. Ally. " The girls all irrupt and look at her  

" Alright girls great job! Congrats on the first show usually we'd go out or something but sadly not tonight seeing that we have to be at our next venue before 7 to get everything set up. So we need to able to leave here by 1 am. Is that possible? I promise you we will celebrate tomorrow night. " Janelle their manager asks popping into the dressing room. The girls give her a simple yes and tries to get everything done and be on the bus by 1 .

" Lo! " Camila says catching her attention again, Lauren even has one of those;   ' who me? ' moments.

" Yes? " Lauren turns around, finally answering her. She reveals a smile before saying;

" You're phone, " she shook her phone in the air indicating she had found it.

" Can you throw it, " Lauren simply asked getting ready to catch the phone.

" No!- I'll just hand it to you, " Camila scolds holding the phone close to her

" Alright, " Lauren turns back around to what she was doing, and decides that she'll grab it before she leaves.

Lauren is much calmer now, and the idea of Camila knowing no longer weighted on her shoulder. Mani is right she doesn't act suspicious nothing will happen. If anything this might just be a stupid crush anyway.

" Here you go, " Camila comes up behind Lauren and wraps her arms around her waist trying to place my phone in the bag. Which made Lauren uncomfortable, but she has to remember to act normal, but none of what Camila is doing is normal. Acting as if she can just pick up where she left off. But instead of moving away Lauren places her cheek with hers awkwardly. " Thanks. " Lauren fakes a smile. Mani looks at them for a moment and gives Lauren a sympathetic smile with a hint of ' I told you so '.

" Here we go, you're back " she moves from behind Lauren to next to her

I'm back really? Wow! Fuck I didn't even know I left. Lauren thought to herself, but immediately tries to shake off the rude remark and get back to replying.

" I told you, I was just nervous, " Lauren smiles through her teeth trying to hold the hurt in her eyes,

" Alright girls, you ready? " Janelle popped in again

Normani and Lauren say yes while the rest said no. So they decide to head to the bus first.

" Do you feel better? " Mani ask while they put their things in their bunks

" Yes actually, " Lauren sighs in relief

" Good, " she stops putting her things in her bunk and hugs me

" Okay. " I answer

" Ah, alright here's the thing, " Lauren stops and look at her

" What? " she sighs and grabs Laurens hand and they walk to the back room

" You need to talk her. " Lauren stands there not knowing if she heard that right or she's about to go crazy. Normani can't be serious about this, Lauren is going crazy enough just trying to keep this between themselves.

" Mani we already talked about this, I can't and you know that. I literally just got over that fact that she iced me out for a year just so she can have a relationship with Austin or whatever she'd like to say. "

" Laur you're never gonna shake this off, an- "

" It's just a cru-"

"Stop lying to yourself! " Normani huffs shocking herself, she knows it wasn't like her to raise her voice at anybody like this.

" Lauren, you and I both know you are in love with her. No matter how many times she breaks you, you still get up and fight for her and the only way to get over this is to tell her or do something other than watching from a distance slowly dying. " she adds

" So what? I can be heartbroken again. So I can learn from putting myself out there, or so she can ice me out again. Maybe she'll do it for 2 years if I'm lucky. Yea, no thanks I'm good" Lauren sarcastically answer

" No, so you can stop suffering, it's killing you, "

" I will never win. Whether I talk her or not I am still going to get hurt. " Lauren explains to her

" Lauren you can't live a life of fear, " Mani continues

" Mani, I can't. And it's not even about fear anymore it's more about me protecting myself. " Lauren starts to cry again

" I'm sorry honey c'mere" she gave me another hug

" I know you mean well but I can't do much. "

•••

" Are we? " Lauren questioned trying to hold the melody of sobs ready to come out,

" Of course, you guys are like friendship goals. You guys are practically dati- " before she could finish Lauren sobs abruptly interrupted her

" No?! We're not! Last time I checked when you date someone you don't shut them out. You don't ignore them. You don't Mani you just don't! Especially over a fucking guy! Who doesn't even deserve her! " Lauren huffed getting out of Normani's hold, and began pacing the room balling her fist slowly.

" Woah. I thought you liked Austin? " she wondered, making Lauren laugh in disgust.

" Ha! Your funny Mani. There are a billion nerves in my body and every single one of them cannot stand him. He doesn't deserved her! She could have somebody so much better than him! " Lauren groaned walking to her bed and fell faced down onto a pillow, letting out a rather frustrated scream.

" Okay if he doesn't deserve her then who does? " Lauren looks up from screaming and saw Normani smirk.

Shit.

" I-i don't know, it doesn't matter. He just doesn't deserve he alright. " Lauren answered looking her as seriously as possible

" I still don't understand why you don't just ask her what's happening? " Normani shrugged

" Don't you think I've tried? Mani? But she shuts me out, acts like I'm crazy. " Lauren sobbed again,

" Well- " she begins

" What Mani? What did I do to her? I want to fix it. " Lauren cried

•••

" It's alright, let's get you fixed up before questions are asked. "

" Mani? Laur? " Ally says catching the two girls attention

" Shit well we don't have much time but stay in here while I distract them, maybe I can put them to sleep or something. With one of those pressure point thingys. " Mani says

" Mani we are not spies, " Lauren chuckles at her crazy idea.

" But we could be though, " she smiles sheepishly and left.

Lauren closes and locks the door so she can fix herself up, while fixing her mascara she overhears their conversation. Most of them she couldn't make up, but then she heard them all ask where Lauren was. This is what Mani comes up with,

* She's talking to her mom, *

* Oh I want to say hi, * Camila says clapping her hands

* You can't! * Mani yells and Lauren couldn't help but chuckle.

* Why not? *

* She said it was pretty personal, *

* Shoot how personal could it be? * Dinah laughs

* It's kind of family matter, * Mani continued

* Is she alright? * Ally questions letting out a little laugh at the end.

* Yea. Why don't we play never have I ever or something, * she says getting them all walk in front of her

Lauren no longer hears them in the bunks, taking it as a sign to walk out to where they were. On the right side of the living area sat Camila, Ally and Dinah, while Mani sat on the left.

" There she is, " Mani says grabbing Lauren and pulling her to her side, using Lauren as some sort of shield. In reality the questions got a little too intense for Normani.

" So whats going on? " Lauren sings trying to act as casual.

" Mani wanted to play a game, " Dinah replies looking up from her phone and pointing at Mani, she added a quick pause before continuing her sentence.

" Girl it's not like we just performed a 3 hour set, or have been up since 6am " Dinah sarcastically counter, laying her head on Ally's shoulder.

" Alright I'm in, " I shrug, slowly nibbling on my lower lip.

" Sorry guys, I'm really tired. Night." Camila sighs, grabbing her phone and waits to see if anybody else would go to bed.

" Yea ya'll crazy. Later. " Dinah nods in agreement and off they go.

There's an awkward silence for a good 5 minutes before we started a game. Most of the questions were common and nothing unusual " have you ever been drunk, or are you still a virgin things " between those lines.

" Mani girl this isn't really fun, " Ally complains putting her hands back down to her lap

" Alright what do you guys wanna do then? " Mani question crossing her arms

" Let's talk secrets, " Ally says making Mani and Lauren exchange looks. Secrets are something rare between the girls but Lauren thinks she can make an exception for this one.

" And by the looks of it, you guys have some juice, " she laughs

" Truth or dare, instead? " Lauren practically jumps, hoping it could stop the shorter woman from squeezing the information out of them.

" Alright, but one way or another I'll get y'all to spill. " Ally smiles sheepishly

" Right, " Mani laughs, nervously playing with her sweaty hands

The truth or dare isn't interesting at all. The game is fun for a couple of turn, especially when Mani told Ally to put toothpaste on her lips for the rest of the game. Lauren didn't see the significance, until a minute later Ally started fanning her lips saying it stings. And of course the girls couldn't have been mature about it, so Ally dared Mani to do the same thing only with horse radish. Lauren knows that at some point in the night the two will catch on at the fact that she hasn't asked for one dare and will ultimately be called a pussy. And Lauren Michelle Jauregui is no pussy.

" Well Lauren? " Ally says

" Dare. " Lauren smirks

" Go up to the bus driver, and ask him to borrow his radio and say * everyone Lauren Michelle Jauregui needs to take a shit.* " she says gaining a high five from Normani

Lauren glares at them both, but Lauren know it has to happen and it's not like it's the worst she's ever done. Lauren walks up to the bus driver and turn back to the girls. Only to earn a gesture of "go-on".

" Listen man, I'm about to do something and I will not be proud to do said action. So I ask you to not judge me. " he gives her an odd look but then focuses back on the road.

Lauren picks up his radio and gets herself ready. Not only will the people on his radio hear it but so will the bus. Lauren sighs and took a big breath and says

" Lauren Michelle Jauregui needs to take a shit. " Lauren say onto the radio making half of the staff run to the front and look at her

" Lauren." they all scold at once while the girls laugh

" It was a dare calm down. " Lauren put the radio back and pats the bus drivers shoulder

" Thanks, " Lauren whispers and sits back down on the couch

" Happy? " Lauren asks

About 2 hours into the drive our energy dies down. It's gotten to the point of the conversation where the girls are just asking each other questions.

" Truth, " Lauren answers yawning

" Uhm okay how's it going with Luis? " Ally asked making me choke. Sure after the tour they got back together but before Lauren left for this one they broke up again.

The only one that knows about their break up is Normani. And no it isn't because Lauren likes Camila. The break up has mutual feelings because Luis explains that, he can't be waiting for Lauren forever and she couldn't agree more. Lauren doesn't think it would have been fair to just keep him waiting. Or to expect that he would still be waiting for Lauren, not with all the touring she's been doing for 2 years straight and the future. We agreed to be friends and frankly nothing has changed. Besides their relationship has been through a lot, but she's thankful because now they are in a better place.

" Oh he's great you know college and stuff. " Lauren lies

" That's good, I envy you guys getting through all this stuff. Long distance A plus girlfriend. " Ally adds and Lauren nods

" You've got Troy, " Mani laughs

" I'm getting really tired, I think I'm gonna go to sleep. " Lauren stands up and give them each goodnight's before disappearing into her bunk.

Just the thought of Luis made Lauren want to talk to him again. Last time Lauren saw him was when they had coffee before Lauren left for LA. That was also the same day we agreed to break up but we still went out as friends.

Lauren decides to pick her phone and text him.

Lauren lays in her bunk pondering things in her head until he responded.

Lauren is starting to regret texting him, not only did he sound like Normani but now her eyes are so weary and tired she'll fall asleep soon enough.

But before Lauren could answer her eyelids were too heavy and she falls asleep.

-- February 28, 2015

Next Morning..

Seeing that Camila is able to a lot longer than the other three girls she put it upon herself to wake everyone up. Lauren is the last one she's yet to wake up everybody else, is in make up. From the past Camila knows how much Lauren hates being woken up especially when the lights are brought into it, as well as pulling blankets and noice. Camila hits all three when she goes over to Lauren's bunk. Camila pushes Laurens bunk curtain, letting the light in and slowly pulling on her blankets.

" Lauren? " Camila whispers, Lauren groan in response

" No Mani, "

" Lauren, " Camila continues

" Shut up Mani and let me sleep, "

" Lo, " Lauren hasn't heard that familiar voice waking her up since the end of the Harmonize America tour.

" No, "

" Lauren, " Camila fully strips her of the blankets and start shaking her

" Later, " Lauren groans pushing Camilas hands off of her, and closing the curtain

" Lauren we have an interview in 2 hours c'mon. " Camila opens the curtain once more. Lauren this time is facing the wall, Camila know she's got to think fast because they are leaving soon.

" Fine. " Camila climbs onto Laurens bunk and nuzzles her face into Laurens neck

" Yea well I'm up. " Lauren turns around and pushes her onto the floor

" Ow Lauren, aren't you going to help me up? " Camila complains and stays on the floor.

" Sorry Camila we've got an interview remember, " Lauren playfully smirks and walks to the bathroom

[artificialqueens]

Primary Care (a.k.a the Poundcake ficlet collection) 5/13 [Katya/Alaska] - Spoky

A/N: This interlude is pure genius. Why? It is so out of place and weird that it’s all right! It also leads the way very well to the next song no Poundcake and I hope this chapter does the same. So, it’s not exactly a filler chapter, but without this chapter the next one would make no sense.

Beta: apatheticskeleton. She’s so amazing she made it possible for me to post Ch4&5 close to each other as I they kinda link. Thank you. <3

Primary care   (a.k.a. the Poundcake ficlet collection)

Chapter 5/13 - ‘O, Brasil’

Instagram Theonlyalaska5000

A selfie of Justin. The photo has been taken on the backseat of a car. He is wearing a black Alaska T-shirt and smiling widely. He has red lipstick all over his lips and chin. The caption reads: ‘Nothing’s private.’

*

Snapchat Private chat between Justin and Brian.

Brian sends four different dickpics to Justin.

‘Which one is me?’ ‘None. They all taste like my phone.’

*

Twitter Alaska Thunderfuck @ Alaska5000

Are you coming to #DragCon ?! I’ll be appearing there. Get tickets here: #RupaulsDragCon @RuPaulsDragCon.

katya_zamo: You’ll be there?! I’m cancelling.

*

Twitter Katya @ katya_zamo

Just in! Happiness often comes in the form of a warm butt. #news #nothingsprivate

*

Private chat

Justin: Twitter, “Just in!” as in Justin? Brian: You’re smarter than you look! Justin: http://www.nytimes.com/2013/11/19/science/coldblooded-does-not-mean-stupid.html

*

Instagram Theonlyalaska5000

A photo of Alaska and Sharon on stage. They look beautiful. There is no caption.

*

Realistically speaking, Brian knows that Aaron is engaged to Chad, and that Justin has been flirting with him for the past week or so on social media. But it still makes him uncomfortable, and he doesn’t really know how serious Justin’s flirting is. Brian clicks the picture open and hashtags it ‘freakshow’. He doesn’t post it. Trixie is right. If he wants to get involved with Alaska, Needles will be present in the dynamic, if not literally and in person, then through media. It is actually one of the best reasons not to start anything with Alaska. Their every move would be under scrutiny by media, producers, employers, fans and worst of all, other queens. Brian can already hear Del Rio’s read on the topic: ‘Thunderfuck cannot get himself a real man, so she keeps sucking the souls out of her sisters until she’s the only one left standing.’

He really shouldn’t be starting anything with Alaska, because it’s just fucking crazy and it’ll hurt both of their careers, and lives, and hearts - if snakes even have hearts? Brian googles it.

* * *

It was 3am and Justin had just arrived to the hotel. He was absolutely exhausted. His phone made the  sound of a received SMS, which surprised him. Had it been a WhatsApp, a Snapchat or any other type of application message he would’ve ignored it, but he rarely got text messages from anyone anymore, except his mom, and so he made the effort to read it before going to sleep. The sender was his favourite Russian Hooker: ‘Did you know that snakes have hearts?’

Justin was confused. He wasn’t entirely sure whether he had accidentally done something sweet and Brian had figured it out - or if the weirdo was actually talking about actual snake anatomy. He took a seat at the sofa and started to type a reply. After two attempts of typing, when the autocorrects were not even funny, he got annoyed and pushed the call button instead - it was just easier.

Brian’s phone rang while he was reading about snake hearts and so he picked up without looking at the caller ID.

‘Yup?’

‘Who answers their phone with a ‘yup’?’

Brian froze for a second, but chuckled then. ‘Oh hi!’

‘Of course I know, I can feel it beating.’ Justin drawled in a voice that tried to reach Alaska, but didn’t quite make it. He really was beat.

Brian frowned. ‘What?’

‘… And I thought I was tired. Snakes. Hearts. Ring a bell?’

A lamp lit in Brian’s head. ‘Ah! You got my message?’

‘No, I just randomly called to discuss snake hearts.’

Brian smiled.

‘Well, you’re in luck! Because I have just learned that snakes have both renal and hepatic portal circulations and that the position of snake’s heart varies among species and, as there is no diaphragm, it is mobile within the ribcage. Snake’s heart’s position varies slightly with its ecological niche and phylogenetic position, and its mobility may facilitate the passage of relatively large prey. Snake hearts have three chambers: right and left atria and one ventricle. The right atrium receives deoxygenated blood from the systemic circulation and the left receives oxy-’

‘Are you actually reading some snake encyclopedia out loud for me?’

Brian was quiet for a moment. ‘I guess that depends on your position whether Wikipedia counts as a snake encyclopedia?’

Justin couldn’t believe it. He had to really make an effort to not to laugh out loud.

‘So you’re telling me I’m paying sky high phone minutes to hear a wikipedia entry I could’ve looked up free online?’

‘It’s not my fault you’re not smart enough to call me on WhatsApp.’

Justin had to admit Brian had a point. He promptly hanged up, opened the app and called back.

‘Yup!’

‘Now you’re doing that just to annoy me.’

‘Possibly.’  

They shared a short comfortable silence.

‘I’m in Rio,’ Justin said then and took a more comfortable position on the sofa.

‘Oh yeah? I’ve never been in Rio, but if I ever had the chance I would be certain to use a condom and enjoy the ride.’

Justin got the double meaning and rolled his eyes. He then realised Brian couldn’t see him.

‘Do you ever take anything seriously?’

‘Yes, absolutely. But it worsens my anxiety, so I try not make a habit out of it.’

Justin shook his head in amusement. He liked talking to Brian. It made him feel somehow comfortable - safe and secure. The memories and feelings from the dressing room when he had fallen apart and Katya had put him back together popped to his mind, as did the kiss they had shared the last time they had actually seen each other. The memories left an empty feeling inside him, which was amplified by Brian’s voice at the other end of the call.

He should’ve texted, Justin realised too late.

‘Hello? Did I lose you?’

‘No no, I’m here,’ Justin said quietly.

‘You alright?’ Brian asked and Justin could hear worry in his voice.

Justin squeezed his eyes shut and took a deep breath. There were so many feelings that it was hard to make sense of them. He was so tired and he really should’ve texted. Nothing made any sense. He couldn’t even remember when was the last time he had felt like this; like a complete mess; like nothing made sense and something was missing.

‘Justin?’

‘I’m sorry,’ Justin whispered. He could feel the tears coming and cursed. ‘Shit. Look, I need to go.’

‘Oh. Ok.’

‘Night.’ Justin waited no reply before hanging up.

It hurt. It fucking hurt. He just couldn’t do it, couldn’t give in. It would be the exact same story. He would build dream castles and talk about soulmates, love, and it would all come crumbling down. There was a tight feeling in Justin’s chest and tears rose to his eyes. It was hard to breathe.

He’d never been as afraid as with Aaron. Their relationship had been wonderful and beautiful, but he had also been so petrified with fear that he couldn’t breathe. He had started to suffocate and treated it with alcohol, drugs and then with sex - with a stranger. The handsome guy from Florida popped to his thoughts and Justin screamed inside. How could he have done that? To the person he had loved most in the world. Through his own actions his greatest fears had become a reality. The dream castles had shattered to pieces. It was hard to breathe.

He had once told Rupaul that he feared death, which was bullshit. He had been terrified of living, because he knew he would fuck it up, and he had, and he would again. He wouldn’t do it again. No, it would be easier to live alone than fear the time it would be over. He needed to consciously to think about breathing to do it, it hurt.

Justin didn’t know how long he had been crying when he heard the voice and the banging of the door.

‘I know you’re in there and if you don’t open this door, I’m going to wake up the entire hallway or the entire hotel if I have to!’

Aaron. Exactly the person he wanted to, and equally as much did not want to see.

‘I’m serious!’

Justin tiptoed to the door and opened it to see Aaron standing there, barefooted.

Aaron took one look at him and sighed. ‘Oh honey.’ He pushed the door open and collected the fragile boy into his arms. Justin was bigger than Aaron remembered, or maybe he remembered wrong? Whichever the case, he didn’t seem to fit into Aaron’s embrace as well as he used to.

‘Chad, close the door,’ Aaron said quietly. The name shook Justin’s foundation. It caused him to lose sight of every single string he had held onto to keep himself together and so he crumbled to the floor, sobbing. He was so tired.

‘Come on honey, get up, the bed’s right there,’ Aaron whispered and massaged small circles onto Justin’s back. ‘Come on, up you go.’

Aaron got the sobbing man onto the bed and started stroking his hair gently. ‘You’re just tired. You just need to sleep and everything will come together.’

It took only minutes for Justin to calm down in Aaron’s embrace and fall asleep.

Chad was sitting on the sofa, watching the two men on the bed.

‘Love?’ Aaron whispered gently. ‘Could you give me my phone?’

Chad nodded and handed the phone he had been fiddling with to it’s rightful owner.

Aaron re-opened the message he had received 22 minutes ago from an unknown number: ‘Hi Aaron, got your number from Detox. You’re in Rio with Justin, no? I think he needs help, he sounded exhausted. I think you know what I mean. Brian (Katya)’

‘All well,’ Aaron typed and thought for a moment. ‘Thank you.’ He thought again, erased the thank you and added ‘How did you know?’ before pressing send.

‘I’ve seen it before. It just sounded like that on the phone,’ came Brian’s immediate reply.  

Aaron raised his eyebrows in surprise. Someone really cared. He sighed and typed a ‘Thank you.’ before walking to Chad, who had returned to the sofa.

‘Come on, he’s fine now,’ Aaron whispered and offered a hand to his handsome fiancé.  

Chad glanced to the sleeping man on the bed, nodded and accepted Aaron’s hand.

They walked to their room and Chad closed the door in silence.

‘You ok?’ he then asked Aaron.

‘Yeah, why?’

‘You’re awfully quiet.’

‘Mm,’ Aaron nodded. He didn’t know why but it bothered him.

‘How long do you think Justin has known Brian?’

Chad shrugged. ‘I don’t know, little over a year?’

‘Yeah, that’s what I thought,’ Aaron said and walked to their bed. The couple snuggled up together and Chad kissed Aaron’s shoulder.

‘It took me over two years to see it coming, to recognise the signs. I didn’t even know you could hear it from his voice… And we were dating, we lived together,’ Aaron explained.

‘See what coming?’

‘Those exhaustion and stress induced panic attacks Justin works himself into.’

‘Mm,’ Chad nodded. He was silent for a moment and then asked uncertainly: ‘You’re jealous?’

‘No!’ Aaron exclaimed, but could see that Chad wasn’t convinced. ‘I guess a little. He’s thousands of miles away and could hear from Justin’s bare voice that he needed help. I spent seven hours today with him, on- and off-stage, and I didn’t notice a thing.’

Chad smiled gently, happily. ‘Yeah, because you’re not in love with him.’

Aaron nodded, surprised that Chad’s comment didn’t hurt. He really was not in love with Justin. Hadn’t been for a long time. He loved him, dearly, but was not in love with him. Did that mean that Brian was?

‘You know what I think?’

‘What?’

‘I think we should sleep.’

Aaron nodded and turned off the lights. He listened to Chad’s breathing, but couldn’t fall asleep. His thoughts kept going in circles and coming back to Justin. He knew had to do something or the feeling wouldn’t leave him alone. He checked that Chad was asleep and sneaked into the toilet. He was fiddling with his phone while trying to decide whether or not to make the call. Truthfully, it wasn’t fair on either of them - not on Justin, not on Brian. But he had to do something and at 4.30 am this was the only thing he could think of.

* * *

6295.08 miles away Brian McCook was just getting into a shower when his phone rang in the living room. He turned on his heels and took three long stride to reach his phone. He had just  swiped the screen to answer when he hit his big toe to a coffee table corner.

‘Дерьмо́! Fuckingshitmotherfucker!’

‘I’ll just assume you don’t answer all of you calls like that?’ came a rather surprised voice of Aaron Coady and Brian swore again under his breath.

‘No, I… Sorry. I hit my toe. Jesus. I think I’m bleeding. It hurts like shit!’

‘Yes, shit can be very painful,’ Sharon noted, amused.

‘Sorry,’ Brian said again. ‘You called?’

‘Yes. I have a favour to ask, and I’m sure you have work, or are busy, or something. But like… Look, I know about Texas.’

Brian rolled his eyes. Who didn’t know about Texas? Fucking gossipy Drag Cunts - there was nothing majestic about that bunch.

‘We’ve been in Rio for a week and we have another one to go and, let’s just cut to the chase - how would you feel about coming to Brazil?’

  —–

A/N2: Who can guess what Poundcake song chapter 6 is based on? ^O^