#i love you office crushes in horror podcasts

[kayotic-catgirl]

cant believe this episode made me speedrun getting a new ship right after showing me some psychosexual needle shit

[angelyuji]

heyy guyss... how y'all doing.... anyway here are some elias thoughts sorry if these are ooc... i havent listened to tma in a month and im on episode 161...

tw // spoilers for tma, creepy boss bouchard, nothing too crazy actually which is new for me lol

im watching smallville and catching up on another podcast and also taking 3 summer classes.... what if i kms guys... jk ;)

also hey babe this is for u @soupyboiii

the only way to meet elias is if you work at the archives. so the very first time you meet him is at your job interview. he's not creepy in a pervy sort of way but creepy in a... horror movie kinda way lol you felt like he was staring into your soul but he was hot so you forgave him.

you sit patiently, waiting to be called. you needed the job, with your savings account running low and your degree being of no use, you’d be willing to get on your knees and beg for a job. ‘if im gonna beg, i hope he’s hot at least.’

“(y/n) (l/n)?” you look up to see him. ‘oh fuck, he is hot’ he tilts his head at you and you jump up.

“hi! mr. bouchard, right?” you reach out your hand to shake and he takes it. his hand was cold and you felt a chill go down your spine. he doesn’t move, keeping your hand in place. you feel an uncomfortable prickling on the back of your neck.

“follow me.” he smiles and lets go of your hand. you follow into his office. he gestures to a chair in front of his desk. once you were both settled in, he looks over your file and gives you a once-over. “what made you want to work here?”

‘crushing loans’ “honestly, i’ve always wanted to work at a library! it’s very peaceful and i love to be surrounded by books, so when i saw the job listing, i knew i had to apply.” you smile.

he hums, “would you want to work with people or be down in the archives?”

you pause to think, ‘i’d rather work with people than a dingy basement, i guess…’ “i’d rather work with people. i’ve had a lot of-”

he interrupts you, “i’m glad to hear. do you have any other questions?”

‘are you married? do you date younger people?’ “i can’t think of anything right now.” you smile and shrug, sheepishly. he gives you an unnerving smile and you can feel your smile falter.

“you’re perfect.”

you rarely see him after that interview and the few times you do see him, it'll be glimpses of him leaving his office to meet the archival team or back.

in my mind, the day that like really sets him forward on persuing you would be like a one-on-one performance review or smth like that (im definitely not taking this from a fanfic i started and never finished or posted)

he listens to you talk about how much you love the job and get into your head to actually see what you mean... and what you mean is "i wanna fuck this guy". that piques his interest so he asks you the million dollar question.

"would you like to work in the archives? i think they could really use your skills down there." elias stares you down.

"sorry, what?" you were surprised at the offer. you hadn't said anything about wanting to work there, happy and content with your currect position and paycheck.

"of course, you would get a raise and a couple of other benefits, but i would love to work more closely with you (y/n)." he stands and moves in front of his desk, leaning against the table.

'more... closely....' your thoughts run wild as you feel heat creep up your cheeks. "i'm not sure how i could help, mr. bouchard." you wring your hands in your lap. elias leans down to grab your hands, softly. you feel his breath on your neck as he leans to whisper in your ear.

"please, love, call me elias."

need him!!!!

he kinda reminds me of william afton like when i think of boss willy i think of elias

except boss willy afton creep factor leans more to pervert while elias creep factor leans more into mysterious boss who also raises the hair on the back of your neck yk? iykyk as they say

anyway thats all i can think of rn bye :)

[creppersfunpalooza]

wouldn��t it be so silly if my ocs had tumblr

(0 notes)

🎀 metallia’s-banned-account Follow

there’s this one girl i absolutely fucking hate but i need to know what brand of hair dye she uses oh my god. completely unrelated note does anyone know the most effective way of prying open a window without causing permanent damage or any noise? thank you, luv lia 💜

🔁 bunnicula Follow

I’m reporting you.

(25 notes)

🪽 reaperofcupid Follow

HELLO TUMBLR!💞 Have any unresolved love conflicts? A crush you just can’t get out of your head? stop by for a free love potion! i’ll also grant additional wishes that are within my range of capabilities. tips optional (in the form of life force and/or magic <3). you’ll find me if and when you need me!~ xoxoxo

(205 notes)

🧿 priest-of-pawns Follow

going out on the TOWN!! turns out being in the church has some perks lol. we’re volunteering to oversee a few services. excited af. maybe i’ll even get to read some new people.

🔁 priest-of-rooks Follow

FUCK YEAH WE’RE GOING OUTSIDE 💯💯💯 NEW FRIENDS FRESH MEAT

🔁 priest-of-pawns Follow

let’s try to keep the body count low this time okay???

🔁 priest-of-rooks Follow

I’ll try!

🔁 the-church-of-ocellus Follow

aw, you two deserve to live a little. go wild! -celly 👁️

(6,368 notes)

⌛️ allthateverwas Follow

hAhA wAtch thIs gUyS

🔁 thetalesofarabbit’s-banned-account Follow

HELP. GET ME OUT OF HERE. PLEASE.

(1 note)

🌿 fairest-of-folk Follow

@reaperofcupid is a SCAMMER. do NOT buy from him!!!!! i want a REFUND!!!!!!

🔁 reaperofcupid Follow

bitch it’s free. i hope you know how stupid you look right now. now how about you explain your issue like a rational client?

🔁 fairest-of-folk Follow

oh nvm it’s working now :3!! i think!!

🔁 reaperofcupid Follow

lovely. now fuck off.

(15 notes)

🍬 mai-kandi Follow

shoutout to my girlfriend :D!!!!! who may or may not be an FBI agent!!!!!!!!! 💖💖💖 babe you can tell me if you are!!!!!!!

🔁 bunnicula Follow

Uhm. Not exactly. Love you too though! 🖤

(52 notes)

🔷 da-official Follow

Productivity is up 6%! Keep up the good work! New approved hypotheses and studies being released to the public soon!

🔁 the-black-rabbit’s-banned-account Follow

WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU????? WHO’S RUNNING THIS FUCKING ACCOUNT??? THAT’S NOT ME. THAT’S NOT ME. IM TRAPPED ON SOME STRANGE PLANE OF EXISTENCE. WHO’S PRETENDING TO BE ME???

🔁 tbr-official Follow

If anyone is aware of who was behind the impersonator account, please stop by my office to report them to me. Thank you, TBR.

(341 notes)

💉 dr-venstal Follow

Looking for volunteer drug testers! Your help contributes to a better future! You’ll get a free lollipop if you participate! <3

🔁 metallia’s-banned-account Follow

nerd.

🔁 dr-venstal Follow

Well, that’s a bit mean.

🔁 metallia’s-banned-account Follow

do i look like i care. go cry in the bathrooms or whatever you gay people do idc.

🔁 dr-venstal Follow

bisexual.

🔁 metallia’s-banned-account Follow

sorry do you want me to cry with you or something? yeah i’m bisexual so what?? do you think calling me that hurts? i was kidding about the gay thing. i also like girls. wow surprise. i kiss women. i am married to a woman.

🔁 dr-venstal Follow

I’m bisexual, Ophelia.

(532 notes)

🎸 yourfavoritebloodycunt Follow

new phone new account. apparently people thought i was a werewolf for a while lmao.

🔁 just-hollywood Follow

YOOUR USEENMAE IS RVRITUAH

🔁 yourfavoritebloodycunt Follow

HUH????!!!?!??

🔁 just-hollywood Follow

YOUT USERNAME

🔁 yourfavoritebloodycunt Follow

WHAT’S WRONG WITH MY USERNAME???

🔁 just-hollywood Follow

IT’SfyfucjUGNY BRITISH.

🔁 yourfavoritebloodycunt Follow

i’m deleting my account. kms. goodbye internet.

(13 notes)

💎 eshimaislegallyblonde Follow

Hellooo! Does anyone have room for a new flat mate?? I do have a certain price range, but I’m working on getting a better job at the moment <3. I love true crime podcasts, coffee shops, sweets, the color pink, and horror movies. I’m fine with all different kinds of music and I’m always open to new things! I’m looking for someone with similar interests, so that way we can develop a closer friendship!

🔁 o0spooky_lover0o Follow

YOU’RE MOVING OUT???????? :{

🔁 eshimaislegallyblonde Follow

oh god oh fuck callum you weren’t supposed to find this. look you’re really sweet but the weird screams coming from your room are starting to freak me out at night.

🔁 o0spooky_lover0o Follow

Oh. okay yeah that’s fair!!!! good luck!!!!!!!!! :3

(3 notes)

[nelson-riddle-me-this]

Top 5 Bond films!

Want to preface this with a few things. First, this franchise is hugely problematic and I do not enjoy it blindly. I did however latch onto it in middle school, and aesthetically and musically it was very formative. John Barry's scores for the series are still among my favorite film scores. His music is sophisticated yet straightforward and has inspired me greatly. Also the franchise has been a great way for me to learn about filmmaking and history. That being said, let's get into it.

Thunderball (1965) It was my first, but even if it hadn't been it'd still be my favorite. It's the 4th in the series and imo catches the franchise at it's zenith. I think it's the last film before the series grew 'too big for it's britches', striking a balance between the outlandish scope of the later films and the tighter and comparatively grounded espionage of the series' early entries.

Casino Royale (2006) I'm confident claiming that this is objectively the best movie in the series. It takes the character of Bond seriously but sill manages to be very entertaining and can I say glamorous? The action sequences are riveting, the cast is excellent, and it's perhaps David Arnold's best score for the series.

You Only Live Twice (1967) In so many ways this film has not aged well (Sean Connery in yellowface, for one...) and tbh it's been harder and harder for me to rewatch. But there is so much about it that makes for good "imagination fuel". The film mostly takes place in Japan, and it's a fascinating portrait of (at least a white British perspective of) Japan in the mid-late 60s. Though in some ways it's a sloppy film, there are times it makes great use of it's enormous budget - most notably Ken Adam's volcano base rocket silo set(complete with helipad and monorail), a gorgeous custom Toyota 2000GT sports car (roof cut off bc at 6'2" Sean Connery was too tall to fit inside), and a car chase involving a tandem-rotor helicopter and a giant electromagnet... Also, if you watched Totally Spies as a kid, this movie's where they got the whole 'whimsical slide dumps you into secret espionage office' shtick.

Goldfinger (1964) Though I prefer Thunderball, there's no denying Goldfinger is the series' most iconic and enduring film. This is where the style and tone of the series solidified. The cast is memorable, there are lots of iconic moments, though "Bond girl" Pussy Galore's arc is misogynistic (shocker, I know), homophobic, and deeply troubling. Acknowledging that, it's a compact and tightly-paced espionage adventure that manages to be very entertaining and has been a big influence on the franchise and in popular entertainment at large,

Diamonds Are Forever (1971) Honestly I wasn't quite sure what to pick for #5. I haven't seen most of these movies in ages. There are definitely better Bond movies, but I have an affection for the hot mess that is DAF, largely because it's probably my favorite of John Barry's scores for the series. On Her Majesty's Secret Service (1969) is pretty good despite how bland George Lazenby is. The Spy Who Loved Me (1977) is the best of the Moore era, but I DESPISE Roger Moore. I remember liking what I've seen of Dalton's 2 Bond movies, though I'm so foggy on them. Brosnan is fine, but I don't have the attachment to him that I do to Connery. Quantum of Solace (2008) I remember really liking and maybe that'd be a better choice for #5, but hear me out: Jimmy Dean (OF BREAKFAST-SAUSAGE FAME!) plays a reclusive Howard Hughes-esque millionaire, Charles Grey (OF ROCKY HORROR PICTURE SHOW FAME!) plays cat-petting villain Blofeld and even does drag, Shirley Bassey sings the title song which includes the lyric "touch it, stroke it, and undress it", there's cheezy casino source music [that played all day in my head in middle school], and hot ladies who crush Sean Connery with their thighs.

Also I recommend the podcast Kill James Bond! (recommended to me by @aeschylus-stan-account) if you're interested in something that unpacks the problematic history of this franchise in a fun way.

[livingwithhorrors]

I still don’t understand how Officer Frank Hawkins survived in Halloween 2018 to end end up alive in Halloween Kills.

I’m watching Halloween 2018 again and had seen Halloween Kills months back, so was super confused when they found him alive having remembered at least he got stabbed in the knock by the doctor, but seeing it again, dude got stabbed multiple times and then ran over cheer to head.

He looks totally fine in the hospital and I’m like what!?

If the doctor got an artery in his neck he’d bleed out fast. Depending where he was stabbed after that could be fatal or add to blood loss. Then add being run over, depending where and the weight and speed of the vehicle, that can break bones and crush you to death.

Where Halloween 2018 makes deaths feel finale, that if they shot Michael in the head he’d be dead, Halloween Kills pivots and changes reality to not only make it that Michael maybe invincible again, but the people of Haddonfield are hard to kill as well.

It makes me wonder if where they planned Halloween 2018 to be more seated in reality and Michael Meyers human and killable, it suddenly changes with Halloween Kills and I wonder if that is due to time between movies due to the pandemic and they decided to go back to a supernatural element or if it was planned before it.

I do know Halloween Ends has been altered due to Covid and it is going to be mentioned and perhaps play a role in the story.

Makes me wonder where Michael was during it and if he could catch it.

I have noticed they’re trying to make us question if he’s still alive or not or if it’s someone else doing it in Halloween Ends, a sort of Friday the 13th play if it did turn out that way, but I have my doubts.

My guess is it’s a red herring and Michael is a love and waiting.

What had he been doing for those years, don’t know if it will even be explained.

I thought until I saw a trailer last month they were gonna finish Halloween night 2018 in Halloween Ends, they sure made it seem like it with Laurie getting ready to fight.

At the same time I was going she can’t possibly go after Michael in that condition in reality, but how Halloween Kills was going, was as possible as everything else.

Halloween Kills is a huge time filler, but I did love The Horror Virgin podcast crews ideas on it and how different it would be if they did things a different way.

Laughing super hard at them talking about Michael vs the drone.

If you only ever watch two Halloween movies, Halloween 1978 and Halloween 2018 alone are a good pair and can be thought of as a pair to watch alone.

In my opinion those two can be considered a timeline in itself how the 2018 ends and then another timeline when you add Halloween Kills and Halloween Ends.

[leelee120000]

My Voice: “The Quarry” is a Spectacular Summer Slasher

July 12, 2022

Supermassive Games has published the newest game in their horror library. Famous for “Until Dawn” and the Dark Pictures Anthology, Supermassive Games has received both incredible praise and incredible criticism in response to their games. Their new game, titled The Quarry, is no exception to this tradition.

The Quarry is a fast-paced horror game set at a summer camp in a place called Hackett’s Quarry. You play as counselors trying to survive the night and investigate the mysterious Hackett family. As a fan of Until Dawn and a critic of the Dark Pictures Anthology, I found The Quarry to be a welcome return to form. It’s a a game that feels like a genuine spiritual successor to Until Dawn, with cheesy one-liners and all. If you’d like to play it blind, please go do so, then come back to hear my thoughts on it.

This article is a story discussion, not a comprehensive gameplay walkthrough. That being said, the game waits to reveal that the beasts are werewolves. I will not. We are working with traditional, full moon, old lycanthropy lore: werewolves. 

The prologue does a fantastic job setting up the story. I actually like the juvenile and cheesy ‘Officer Hackett is a bad guy – no, wait, he’s complex’ plot twist in the later game because few stories and games do camp right. This a game that knows it’s over the top, that it’s ridiculous, and that it has the freedom to be silly and stupid. What other modern game fulfills its genre so well? There’s a fundamental difference between being tacky on purpose and poor writing. That’s what I loved about Until Dawn and it’s what Supermassive has been missing since.

“Chapter One: Hackett’s Quarry Forever!” takes place two months after the events of the prologue. We see the last bus of campers leave, being waved off by the counselors. These are the main characters of the game and you will play as each of them. You learn about them through the game. For readability, I will list their basic information now:

Abigail – The art tutor. Abi is a caring and sensitive soul, she’s an artist who is always carrying a sketchbook. She has a crush on Nick.

Emma – The theater coach. Emma is an internet content creator. She hides her complexity behind her pretty girl persona. She is a people pleaser and perfectionist. She dated Jacob as a summer fling, and broke up with him today.

Dylan – The camp DJ / radio technician. Dylan is incredibly intelligent but uses camp as a break from academic pressure, so he can just be a typical guy. He is gay – evidenced by the fact his character has no options to flirt with the opposite sex. The player can have him fall in love with Ryan.

Jacob – The sports coach. He’s a jock who’s sweet and also a bit dimwitted. He thought his relationship with Emma wasn’t just for fun. He causes the entire night by secretly breaking the car, forcing everyone to stay instead of going home, so they can have ‘one last party together’.

Kaitlyn – The activities coordinator / nurse. Kaitlyn is a natural leader. She’s mischievous and likes to cause drama. She’s great at reading social cues and reasoning with people to get what she wants from them. The player can choose to have her fall in love with Ryan.

Nick – The cook. He’s a preppy Australian who knows he’s charming. His beast attack is unavoidable and his main purpose is to show the group they’re dealing with werewolves. Nick has a crush on Abi.

Ryan – The sailing coach / campfire storyteller. Ryan is quiet, shy, and a loner. He loves the paranormal and often listens to podcasts about it. He is the counselor who is closest to Mr. Hackett and is the only one who calls him by his first name. He also might know more than he lets on. Ryan is bisexual and can fall in love with either Kaitlyn or Dylan.

Other than giving a basic introduction to these characters and the location itself, the chapter’s main purpose is to set up the starting conflict. Jacob breaks the van and Mr. Hackett’s reacts by demanding the group just lock themselves in the main cabin for the rest of the night ‘for safety’. The group decides to party the second he leaves instead of listening to his warnings. This sets up the player for a hell of a night.

We know there are werewolves, but the counselors do not. Mr. Hackett’s reluctance in telling them is understandable. A big plot hole here is that he didn’t simply drive them to the nearby motel mentioned in the prologue. Also, why did they end camp on the day of a full moon?! That’s bad planning all around.

All in all, the plot’s quick start is appreciated. I sincerely thought we’d have at least one chapter of ‘party time’ before the werewolves joined in. That was quite the shock. I also love that instead of keeping the Hacketts to the shadows entirely, Supermassive made the creative choice of showing Bobby, and showing him saving Jacob, which gave us such important information about him.

LeAnne McPherson

[boombox-fuckboy]

hi! ik you just answered a recommendation ask so sorry!! but do you have any non-comedy sci-fi podcast recommendations? i really like stuff that's set in space and the mystery/drama genre. i loved wolf 359, so doesn't need to be 100% serious but at least semi serious. (also queer characters are a bonus but its podcasting ofc there are gonna be queer characters)

No apology required. Here's some Non-Comedy Space Podcasts I enjoyed.

Directive: Heart-crushing podcast about a man tasked with taking care of the sleeping passengers aboard a colony ship, over the course of 20 years. Reflections, happenings, and something that's not quite as it seems.

Erraticus: Three individuals - one who's not a comdemned criminal, one who's not a bomber, and one who's not an AI - find themselves together on a ship fleeing danger toward the edge of the edge of the solar system, and a dangerous conspiracy none of them signed up for. Not far in yet but I like the characters, banter, and the creator's policy to release episodes only on their own schedule.

Girl in Space: If you liked Wolf 359, please do not go past Girl in Space. The Girl in Space lives alone on a station, doing science, making cheese, watching Jurassic Park, chatting with the old AI, recording her journals... It's a pretty good life. Would be a shame if something were to change that. Really well made, performed, written. Queer.

InCo: Follows the travels of a disgruntled interstellar information trader, her peppy AI, and the strange boy they find floating in space. I sometimes have a hard time believing this is the product of one person, because they do such a good job at voicing, writing, audio, music, worldbuilding (oh, the worldbuilding). And, though subtle, it's queer!

In Transit: Aboard The Eurus, a ship bound for a new world, things are going smoothly: crops are growing, oxygen is high, morale is decent, and they're making great time. So when a series of murders following a notable pattern occur, they call in (or, unthaw) a specialist, one who must use all the skills, training, and limited resources she has to solve it, while trying to adjust to life 113 years after she last went to sleep. The mic qualities vary and can be a bit rough, admittedly, but I enjoyed the story and writing. Oh, and it's queer!

Janus Descending: Do you like horror? Perhaps having your heart torn out and ditched at the nearest wall? Janus Descending follows a xenopaleontologist and a xenoanthropologist who travel to a new world to study a lost civilisation, but find far more then they bargained for. A really interesting framing device: her tapes are from first to last (chronologically), and his from last to first, and they use this really well. I heavily recommend listening to the supercut instead of each episode individually.

Mnemosyne: Mnemosyne is an isolated space station with duel purpose, both prison and shady testing facility. The show follows the people involved in one experiment in particular, both in their daily lives aboard and as part of the testing of a potentially revolutionary piece of technology. It does have a healthy dose of humor in it, but I'd not call it an outright comedy. I would call it underrated. Queer.

Moonbase Theta, Out: Messages to Earth from the communications officer of Moonbase Theta, as the facility prepares for shutdown, both to the people overseeing the project, and to his husband. Season one has short episodes (listen to the supercut), but longer for seasons 2 and 3. Really well made, and very queer.

Novitero: The princess of a planet is banished until she can make up the excessive funds she's lost, and is picked up by a group of wanted criminals. From a shared interest in getting rich fast, they reach an agreement: the ultimate heist.

The Orphans: I could spoil this podcast, (it'd still be great), but I won't. It's very well made, set in the far future, features AI, unethical science, quality worldbuilding, heart-crushing tragedies, and a dash of political intrigue. A bit queer, but you'll need to wait til season 3.

The Pasithea Powder: The last major interplanetary war was full of atrocities, but possibly none more infamous then the creation of Pasithea Powder, a memory altering drug which was used to horrible effect and landed it's entire team of creators in prison. So when decorated war hero Captain Sophie Green sees one of them wandering free, worlds away from his prison, she gets in touch with a very old, estranged friend: one Dr. Jane Gonzalez, who's behind bars for the very same reason. Very good, and absolutely queer.

SAYER: Crisp sci-fi horror. You are an employee of Ærolith dynamics on Typhon, an artifical moon orbiting Earth. A selection of ominous and highly advanced AI speak in your ear, helping you to adjust to your new life, and guiding you through your daily (and often disturbing) tasks. Pretty popular, but for a good reason.

Second Star to the Left: Follows a scout tasked with investigating a new world and preparing it for a new human colony, and the minder back home tasked with keeping an eye on her, as they each deal with various challenges, try to help each other from half a galaxy away, and become closer in the process. I really enjoyed this podcast. Queer.

The Strange Case of Starship Iris: When the shuttle carrying the crew of scientific research ship Iris explodes, Violet Liu finds herself stranded in space, the last survivor with no way out. Until her emergency broadcast is picked up by a passing ship. But the crew aren't who they seem to be, there's more going on here than anyone knows yet, and Violet must decide who she can really trust. Very queer.

To Starlight We Come: A very new podcast about a talented young thief who ends up working on a station as part of her prison sentence, a new program which claims to rehabilitate young offenders. She's been working her ass off, dreaming about returning to her lucrative life of crime and beloved girlfriend when she gets home, and it's all going pretty smoothly, until she's framed for murder. Now she's got to work out who the real killer is to prove her own innocence, or she's leaving the station early, and without an oxygen supply. Queer.

VAST Horizon: An agronomist tasked with kickstarting agriculture on a new world wakes on the ship before they arrive, to discover something has gone horribly wrong. The ship is adrift, nobody but the malfuctioning AI to be seen, and the ship riddled with issues, she must do her best to save the ship and herself, and work out what happened. Great sci-fi horror.

Hope you find something here you can enjoy

[ggukkieland]

📕BTS Fic Reads - 2021 March pt. 1

I appreciate all these fics as they’ve provided me comfort, distraction, etc during these times. So thank you dear authors. Sending you love 💖

If you end up checking the fics in this list, please don’t forget to show appreciation by reblogging or giving positive feedback to these authors 🥰.

Note: if link doesn’t work, click on author and go to their masterlist

🥕 Ongoing - most recent chapter [as of date this list was posted] 🥕 Completed - completed one shots | series 🥕 S - smut | F - fluff | A - angst 🌷 with commentary on completed fics (if reading these help)

--- Some are new, some re-reads, while some are past reads that haven’t been reblogged yet. Mostly mature.

🥕[Ongoing Series] - Social Media AUs (SMAUs)

Catching Feelings @na-na-na-nanna​ - MYG | smau | Goblin!Yoongi, Fantasy, must kiss humans to gain human emotions | Crack, F, A, S [12/?]

Cursed @bloomsuga​ - KTH | smau with written parts | Supernatural AU, Witch!Taehyung, Cursed!Reader | Crack, F, S, slight A ! [3/?]

Just Facts @yoongiiverse​ - JJK | smau | Rich Idol!jungkook, Model Dancer!Reader, Enemies to Lovers | Crack, F [5/?]

Kinda Hot @kimnjss​ - KTH | smau with written parts  | Campus Flirt!taehyung, Bestfriend!Reader, Bestfriend AU, College AU | S, F, A [15/?]

Made of Honor @suhdays​ - KTH | smau with written parts| best friend AU, made of honor!au (like the film) | F, A [18/?]

Best Man @yoontaethings​ - KTH | smau | enemies to lovers, player taehyung? | F, A, S (written) [6/?]

🥕[Ongoing Series]

🌹 Jungkook

Almost Home [reposted/revised] @angelguk​​ - JJK | 27k+ | Single Dad AU, Nanny, slight Fake Dating | A, F [2/?]

Bands @xpeachesncream​​ - JJK | 55.9K+ | Idol AU, Stripper AU | A, F, S [14/?]

Confident @h0neypjm​​​ - JJK | 13.1k | Fuckboy AU, Virgin!Reader | S, F, A ~ [2/?]

It’s a Heartbeat @inkofyoongi​​ - JJK | 23k+ | Enemies to Lovers, College AU, their parents are dating, Jungkook is the South Korean Patrick Swayze and this will turn into a Dirty Dancing!AU nobody asked for 🤭 | A, F, S [1/?]

No Harm List @crazy4myself​​ - JJK | 93.5k+ | Mafia AU, Gang AU, Slow Burn | A, F [10/?]

Normal Kind of Love @/yoontaethings - JJK | 2.5k+ | Actor AU, Exes AU, Enemies to Lovers | A (so far) [1/?]

Open When @iluv-hobi​​ - JJK | drabble series, 2.6k | idol au, established relationship, epistolary | F ~ [2/?]

Picture Perfect @cosmoguk​​ - JJK | 5k+ | parents AU, exes AU (divorced) | A, F | [1/?]

Sleepyhead series @jkstompers​​ - JJK  | 18.2k+ | College AU, Seatmates AU, Crush AU (lol is there such a thing) | F, S

Sleepyhead - “you fall asleep during class next to the uni heart throb jeon jungkook, will you fall in love as well?” 1.8wc

Just to Study - “your seat partner asks if you’re free after class, just to study.” 7.4wc

Passing Notes - “a year of crushing and jungkook’s finally asked you out on a proper date.” 9k wc

Supermodel @koogalore​​ - JJK | 10K+ | Exes AU, infidelity AU, Jungkook is a jerk, Curvy!Reader, talks of body image | S, A [3/?]

The Realm @nottodayjjk​​ - JJK | 3.5k+ | Mystery, Fantasy, OC wakes up in a dark place not knowing where she is, afterlife feels | A [3/?]

The Weeping @themfchase​​ - JJK | 6k+ | Medieval, Dystopian, War, Fantasy AU, Romance, angels/demons | A [1/?]

Wasteland @iridescentjin​ - JJK | 4.5k+ | Sci-Fi AU, Post-Apocalyptic AU, isolation | A (so far) [1/?]

Your Love’s the Only Hoax I Believe In @sparklingchim​​ - JJK | 12.7k+ | College AU, Fuckboy AU, FWB AU, Tutor AU, Unrequited Love | A, S [2/3]

🌹 Yoongi

Birthday Girl @btsarmy9593​​ - MYG | 22K+ | one night stand AU, Noona AU, Professor!Reader, Post Grad AU | F, S [5/?]

Daechwita @/jinings (temp deact) - MYG | 20k+ | servant!yoongi - king!yoongi, princess!reader, period drama, Historical AU | All that Yoongi knows is that King Park must be killed- he just didn’t plan falling in love with his daughter along the way. | A, F, eventual S [2/?]

Silent Dreams @starlightauroras-writes​​ - MYG | 5.7k+ | Best Friend AU, sleeptalking OC while dreaming dirty thoughts about her best friend | S, F [1/?]

🌹 Multi/OT7

Holy Trinity @koyalov​​ - JJK x KTH x PJM | 9k+ | FWB AU, infidelity AU (other woman), Rockstar AU, Band AU, Bestfriend!Jungkook, FWB with other maknaes (yes it’s complicated) | A, S  [1/?]

Playmates @scribblemetae​ - OT7 | 22.6k+ | Idol AU, Sex Worker AU, Strangers to Lovers | S [2/?]

Roses @heejinnien​ - OT7 | 12.7k+ | Crime AU, Mystery, Horror, OC becomes target of the unsub | A [4/?]

by Author

Foxymoxy [AO3] - (JJK)  been following this author since last year (A Sea of Indigo, Hybrid AU) and her fics are amazing. Currently subscribed to these three (out of four) fics which get updated weekly:  🌷

Meadow (Wolf, Shifter AU, Arranged Marriage)

Amended (Arranged Marriage, Fake Marriage, Police Office AU, Childhood Friends, Enemies to Lovers)

Lowlander (Fantasy AU, Enemies to Lovers, Fighter Jungkook)

@jimlingss​ Drabbles 2021

Three Peas in a Pod || Fluff || Namjoon || Single Dad!AU 🌷

Suspended, Seduced, Surprised! || Fluff || Jungkook || E2L

Lotus Blooms in Mud || Angst || Jimin || Historical!AU

Buttering Up || Fluff || Yoongi || Chef!AU

The Office Trip to Pound Town || Smut, Fluff || Taehyung 🌷

Snow White and the Park Ranger || Fluff || Seokjin 🌷

Humdrum Amore || Fluff || Hoseok 🌷

Awaken Again || Angst, Fluff || Namjoon || Sci-Fi!AU 🌷

The Soulmate Gift || Angst, Fluff || Yoongi || Soulmate!AU

Floof’s Tail || Fluff || Jimin || Hybrid!AU 🌷

Take What Isn’t Mine || Smut, Angst || Jungkook

Crocodile Tears || Fluff || Hoseok || Pirate!AU 🌷

🥕[Completed Fics/Series]

Namjoon

Little Red @/bloomsuga - one shot | 22.5k | Werewolf AU, got lost in the woods, inspired by Little Red Riding Hood | S, F, A

Pheromones @rmnamjoons​​ - one shot | 17.5k | Spaceship Captain!Namjoon, Botanist!Reader, Sci Fi AU, Pining | S, F, A 🌷

Stuttering @moonlightchildz​​ - one shot | 11.6k | Tutor AU, Underground Rapper, College AU, Secret Identity | F, S  🌷

There’s a Fly in My Soup @sahmfanficbts​​ - drabble | 1.8k | Cafe Owner x Customer!Namjoon, Cafe AU, Strangers to Lovers, Crack  | F, A (in form of one very stressed OC) 🌷

You’ve Got a Friend in Me @wwilloww​​ - one shot | 3k | Bestfriend AU, Roommate AU, interesting idea to reduce stress levels | S 🌷

Seokjin

All I Ever Wanted @hayjeon​ - one shot | 10k | Teacher AU, Enemies to Lovers AU | F, S 🌷

Voicemail @joonary​​ - one shot | 7k | College Podcast AU, Friends to Lovers, Pining, Bestfriend AU | F (💕fluffy day reblog)  🌷

What Made Us Feel Human @joonsgalaxy​​ - drabble | 2.3k | Neighbor AU, thought neighbor’s noise is due to sex but it’s something else, Crack | F 🌷

Yoongi

Accidents @jungxk​​ - drabble 2.4k | Dad AU, Comedy | F (💕fluffy day reblog)🌷

Are You Still With Him @/joonsgalaxy - drabble | 1.7k | Roommate AU, Producer AU, Friends to Lovers, secret pining, use of song lyrics in the fic | F (I really love how it made use of different song lyrics in the story) 🌷

Avec Mes Souvenirs @palpitate-hyperventilate - one shot | 3.5k | Nikita!AU, Assassin AU, Trainer Yoongi | A

Dad Yoongi + Pawful Experience by obiwrites (through reblogs of her old posts) - drabble | 2.1k | Husband AU, Dad AU, presence of Holly and one resistant Yoongi | F (ugh this is the cutest) 🌷

Earn It @sugasbabiie​​ - one shot | 5k | College AU, Professor AU, PWP,  PLOT TWIST! | S, A 🌷

Hidden Stars @jungblue - series [5/5] | 37.3k | Idol AU, Love Triangle, some reference to infidelity | A, F, S  (a reblog of old faves) 🌷

In Character @kookingtae​​ - one shot | 5.7k | Pornstar AU, “actor au where yoongi plays a burglar who breaks into your house and has his way with you.” | S 🌷

Listen Closely @avveh​​ - one shot | 12.2k | Office AU, Coworker AU, accidently received a recording of Yoongi 🌶🥵💦 | S (reblog) 🌷

Love Language @gukslut​​ - one shot | 5.3k | Established Relationship, use of the Love Language concept | A, S, F (reblog) 🌷

Overstayed Welcome @kaep-jjjang - one shot | 7k | secret crush on yoongi, yoongi to the rescue when a one night stand won’t leave, friends to lovers | S

Selfish @write-this-way-please - two shot [2/2, sort of discontinued] | 3.8k | Coffee Shop AU, kinda hated each other, then a bit of surprise by end of Part 1 | Part 2 feat Namjoon | S, A

Slip @kinglykook​​ - one shot | 5.2k | Roommate AU, Enemies (kinda), OC slipped | S (a rediscovered fic 🤩) 🌷

Tsundere @dovechim​​ - one shot | 11.2k | College AU, Resident Advisor | S, A (a reblog) 🌷

Hoseok

To The Beat of My Heart @jeonggukingdom​​​​ - one shot | 7.2k | Dancer AU, use of mirror 🥵💦| S, pwp 🌷

Written on Our Veins @army-author​​​ - two shot [2/2] | 33.2k | Soulmate AU (💕heart day reblog) 🌷

This is Not a Love Story @sincerelyourfangirl - one shot | 8.7k | breakup au, infidelity, but happy ending for OC | A 🌷

Jimin

Cordially Jimin @kpopfanfictrash​ - one shot | 6.1k | Office AU, Epistolary (through correspondence), Humor | F (💕fluffy day reblog) 🌷

Saturday Mornings @craztextae​ ​ - drabble | 2.2k | Pining AU, Strangers to Lovers(?), Plot Twist! | S 🌷

Girls Like You [Don’t] Run Around with Guys Like Me @ktheist​ - one shot | 4k | popular!reader x shy!jimin, Rich Kids AU, FWB AU, College AU, ends as CEO (PJM) and Racer (OC) | A, F

Taehyung

A Letter in Roses @artaefact​​  - one shot | 8k | Husband AU, CEO AU, appearance of Yeontan | F, implied S

A Timely Malfunction @/joonsgalaxy - drabble | 2.9k | time travel, friends to lovers, prompt:  “What? No, I never said that.” | F

College FWB Drabble + PDA + Miscomm @yukheii - drabble | FWB AU, College AU | F (seriously this is super cute) 🌷

Handsy @jinned​​​ - one shot | 3.7k | Roommate AU, Bestfriend AU, Childhood Friends AU, Pining | taehyung helps her during time of need | S, F 🌷

Hold Still @/joonsgalaxy - drabble | 2.1k | CEO AU, use of flashlight 🙈 | S, pwp ( I’ll Never look at flashlights 🔦 the same way again)

Not Even Close @lovetrivia​​ - drabble | a powerful 600 wc | enemies to lovers, college au, hookups | S, pwp, A 🌷

Of Mages and Swords @masterninjacow​​ - one shot | 40k | Fantasy AU, King Arthur AU, Royalty AU, Action, Romance | A, F 🌷 #holygrailfic

Potent But Not Real @whatifyoulivelikethat​ - one shot | 5k | Assassin AU, Office Worker Taehyung | S, A

Talk Slow @writtenwhalien​​ - one shot | 6.4k | brother’s best friend, Exes AU, never have I ever game | A, S, F

The Temp @jkeuphoriadreamland​​ - one shot | 8.2k | Enemies to Lover, CEO AU, Taehyung has arranged marriage with someone else (headed for divorce) | S, F 🌷

Jungkook

gets a separate post due to too many fic reblogs 😬 (see link below for PART 2)

I love to read so feel free to recommend a fic posted: 2021 March 24 link to other reading lists  | Mar Part 2

[seasonofthewicth]

Rowaelin Month - Day 9

prompt: co-hosts with chemistry

extras: podcaster!rowaelin, friends to lovers, tooth-rotting fluff!

word count: 2k

--

The podcast had originally been Lysandra’s idea.

She had deemed their regular conversations dissecting each of their dating lives too entertaining to keep to themselves and so it had begun. It hadn’t been very successful and they had only managed to wrangle a small number of subscribers, mostly consisting of their friends and reluctant family members. They’d had fun, but when Lysandra moved to the Southern Continent they hadn’t bothered to keep it up.

Then Aelin got drunk with Fenrys and his new roommate Rowan.

Her drunken self had thought it a fabulous idea to whip out her phone and hit record when Fenrys had begun to weave his story of the beautiful Asterin and her ruthless rejection, Rowan chipping in with quips that always made her cheeks feel a little warmer. That and the sparkle in his green eyes each time he looked at her.

She’d been intrigued by Rowan on day one. He was everything Aelin felt herself drawn to in one big package. Tall, handsome, tattoos, wicked sense of humour, didn’t take any shit, constantly gave her shit. She was charmed.

Until the podcast had taken off.

The inebriated episode featuring Fenrys and Rowan had landed her with a few thousand subscribers. And she had wanted to continue.

Fenrys had rejected her outright, claiming he didn’t need any more public humiliation, the Asterin story had been enough and she understood, but Rowan…

She’s not sure why she even asked Rowan. They weren’t friends, the episode they’d recorded had been the first night they met and they hadn’t spoken since but she’d laid the offer on the table anyway. Despite the fact that hearing all about Rowan Whitethorn’s dating exploits made her stomach twist.

What she knew of Rowan had told her he’d say no too. He hadn’t given her the impression of being particularly easy going, or that spending time with her in the absence of Fenrys would have been something he would consider. In fact, she’d wondered if he’d thought her desire to chat about something as frivolous as dating would be somewhat shallow or childish.

But then he’d said yes.

And so began their tradition. Every Thursday after his final class of the day and Aelin gets home from her office, she uncorks a bottle of wine and makes dinner. Rowan turns up at eight pm sharp each week, armed with a slice of chocolate hazelnut cake and his lilting and charming accent. They set themselves up at the desk in Aelin’s spare bedroom, each with a set of headphones and a microphone and they talk.

That started eight months ago.

Now they have hundreds of thousands of listeners, people who for some unknown reason like to listen to Aelin and Rowan. Aelin doesn’t get it, but here they are.

Aelin tucks her feet under her thighs and rests the arm holding her wine glass along the back of the sofa. They’ve just finished this week’s episode and she’s not ready for Rowan to leave just yet. He turns to her at the motion, a brow cocked in questioning. He looks good, very good.

The light from her TV highlights the cut of his jaw and plays off the silver strands of his hair, flopping onto his forehead. The green of his henley perfectly displays his golden skin and she’s desperately searching for glances of the swirls of ink that peek out of his neckline each time he shifts.

She thought that by spending more time with him her crush would fade. Except now she definitely has a thing for someone who has turned into one of her best friends.

“What’s up with you?” he asks, so aware by now of her moods. He knows when to wait and when to push her, when to joke and when to keep it real.

Aelin shrugs and the motion dislodges her neckline from her shoulder to part way down her arm. Rowan’s eyes dart down tracking the motion but flash back to hers once she speaks.

“I’m thinking about where we go next,” she says slowly. “I don’t know about you but I’m not dating very much recently and I wonder if I’m running out of funny dating stories.”

Rowan’s lips twitch and she uses the time before he speaks to desperately wonder what’s going on in his head. Then he moves his hand to her knee, his touch a comfort and a thrill, and her mind can only focus on that. Can only focus on how good it feels for him to touch her. She doesn’t have the capacity to worry where his head is at when his hands are on her.

“It’s not just you,” he says, on the same wavelength as her as always. “I don’t find myself on many dates anymore.”

He says it without even a whisper of shame, like he’s confident in why that is.

“I can’t tell if I’m thinking too much about the podcast,” she admits, “or if I just don’t want to do it anymore.”

He’s silent, which she usually uses as her prompt to continue, but his hand stays on her knee.

“I have an idea,” she says, shocked again as his eyes meet hers. “It won’t last forever, but I think it could give us a few episodes at least. We turn to other people. We get listeners to share their experiences, their horror stories, their life lessons, their advice, their failures. We give our comments, we compare them, we’re funny. I think it could work.”

She’s so nervous for his thoughts, his opinions matter to her, she wants his approval.

“I think it’s a great idea,” he says as a soft smile creeps onto his lips, tugging up his cheek and she wants to press her lips right there. “We can get people to submit their best stories, review them, add our own additions and commentary and we’re good for a while.”

He pauses, as though there’s more he wants to say. His hand on her knee squeezes and she craves more of his touch, wants his hand to slide higher, wants his fingers to entwine with hers.

Then he says, “I have an idea for an episode.”

She cocks her brow but he shakes his head.

“I need to think it through some more but I’ll let you know as soon as I have a more solid idea.”

It works and she’s relieved her lack of desire to date anyone who isn’t six foot four, silver haired and named Rowan Whitethorn hasn’t needed any expansion and hasn’t so far caused any major problems. Apart from the fact she finds herself getting lost when he talks, unable to respond right away because she’s too busy staring at his lips, his hands, his everything as he speaks.

She’s sure he’s probably noticed but he kindly hasn’t commented.

The idea to get content from their listeners leads her down a path she’s somewhat shocked to realise exists. She’s been trawling twitter to find their content and interacting with a lot more of their listeners and it’s led her to a small corner of twitter dedicated to her and Rowan.

She scrolls and scrolls through tweets that are convinced she and Rowan are either married, fucking or in love. Or if not yet already, they need to be. Aelin doesn’t disagree necessarily, but it’s weird to know people are thinking that, let alone tweeting it.

@/crochanqueen: Aelin’s laugh every time Rowan says something slightly amusing…. girl you’ve got it bad. He’s not that funny.

Gods, she hopes Rowan hasn’t seen these tweets. She needs to watch when she laughs.

“Next submission,” Rowan says, leaning forwards and speaking into his mic. He’s in his usual chair across from her and she has almost unlimited access to the sight of him in all his glory. No wonder it’s hard to concentrate when they record. “This guy says hi, I’ve got it bad for my best friend.”

Aelin swallows. She definitely needs to watch herself for this one.

“A tale as old as time,” she says with a breezy laugh.

“Right,” Rowan says, a tightness to his voice that wasn’t there before, before he turns back to his phone to continue reading. “We’ve known each other for a while now and we spend a lot of time together just the two of us and it’s as easy as breathing. We get along incredibly well, she makes me laugh and she makes me smile. She brightens my day.”

“Gods, this is so sweet,” she coos and Rowan gives her a tight smile. Okay, she’ll let him finish.

“She’s my best friend,” Rowan continues and Aelin bites her lip. “I want more but I don’t want to ruin what we have if she doesn’t feel the same.”

“Hm,” she says, twisting her hands on the table in front of her. She has to manage this one carefully, so as not to give too much away. “Is there any indication of whether she feels the same way?”

Rowan glances back to his phone. “He says; there are moments where I think she feels the same, there are moments where I think I could press my lips to hers and she’d kiss me back. There are moments she looks at me and it looks as though it would be impossible for her not to feel the way I do.”

“She sounds like a lucky girl,” Aelin says almost wistfully.

“You think?” Rowan asks, and she’s not sure his question makes sense.

“Don’t you?” she asks. “If they have these moments, moments where he could kiss her and she’d kiss him back, the moments where they get lost in each other's eyes, I don’t think those things can be made up.”

She ignores the way she always feels as though she catches herself in these moments with Rowan. She ignores them and plows straight on through.

“If he’s having these thoughts enough that they feel like a moment, they probably are.”

“Damn, Aelin.” Rowan smiles across the table. “Any advice for the poor guy?”

“Oh, it’s simple,” she says smoothly, “he has to tell her how he feels. Don’t waste any more time, if you’re reading her this way and she’s your best friend I think there’s very little chance you’ve got this wrong. If you’re listening to this,” she says leaning forwards so her voice is clear in the recording, “get the girl. Take a chance, tell her how you feel. Start small, ask her to go on a date.”

Rowan nods, the movement a sharp jerk but a smile plays on his lips. He looks up to her, his eyes meeting hers.

“Alright, Aelin. Go out with me. A date.”

She laughs, a bright sound, not allowing herself to jump to conclusions. “Is that what it says?”

His eyes flick back to his phone before he locks it and slides it onto the table. “It doesn’t say anything.”

“What do you mean?”

She’s very confused now. Is he playing with her? Has he noticed the way she feels? Surely Rowan isn’t so cruel to mock her like this.

“There’s no submission, it’s me, it’s you. Go out with me Aelin?”

Her mouth drops open.

“Go out with you? You like me?”

She’s stunned okay? Cut her a little slack.

He laughs, a hand coming up to rub at the back of his neck. “This was quite possibly not my best idea,” he says. “To go about it like this. I thought it would have worked well.”

“You’re serious?” she says, a smile creeping into her voice.

“As a heart attack.”

She pulls her headset off, needing to feel this moment just the two of them. Rowan does the same, vulnerability shining in his gorgeous, green eyes.

“Rowan,” she breathes. “I’ve been into you since day one. I thought there was no way you were interested in me.”

She stands, rising from her chair and almost floating over to him until she stands between his legs. She gently rests a hand on his shoulder as she leans down. His hands come up to her waist and pull her onto his lap.

She settles with a smile as she reaches up to cup his cheek in her palm.

“I’ll edit this out tomorrow,” is all she says before she closes the gap between them, pressing her lips to his, sealing it with a kiss.

[sagamemes]

the sheridan tapes  📼  part two.   here and under the cut, you can find over 130 lines of dialogue from the horror podcast the sheridan tapes, specifically from episodes four to six, edited for roleplay purposes. some of these focus heavily on survival, war, science, and spooky stuff, but a lot can be used by anyone.  tw:  war, unreality, a mention of cannibalism, implications of manic behaviour.

❝  god, i hate snowstorms like this. not just getting caught in them, but the storms themselves. it feels like the earth’s trying to bury me alive every time it locks in like this. like nature’s rightly pissed off at all of us and doing its level best to crush us to death.  ❞

❝  that’s what yom kippur means:  the day of atonement.  ❞

❝  that wasn’t the first time i’ve caught him in my office, going through my stuff.  ❞

❝  normally i’d be annoyed at someone calling me young lady.  ❞

❝  thank you… you are so warm… thank you for letting me in.  ❞

❝  suddenly, everything fell into place. i made more progress than i had in about half a year.  ❞

❝  the thing i remember most was catching disapproving glances from my father every time i went to the library.  ❞

❝  why does time only run forward?  why does cause need to precede effect?  ❞

❝  no one knows if they can trust me with casework or not.  ❞

❝  i didn’t say i was interested.  ❞

❝  [he/i] was taken off duty and sent for psychiatric evaluation the next day.  ❞

❝  coffee. i was making coffee.  ❞

❝  i didn't mean to get stuck out here.  ❞

❝  that just goes to show how small humans really are in the grand scheme of things:  take away our tools and our toys and our technology, and we’re still just as vulnerable as we ever were.  ❞

❝  she was good at that:  making you feel like you were safe, like you could open up to her.  ❞

❝  i’m just going to cover that one up. no harm in keeping it out of sight for the moment.  ❞

❝  maybe there was someone in the stairs.  ❞

❝  i think i did the lion’s share of the talking, which almost never happens.  ❞

❝  i couldn’t get to sleep... i figured i’d get a head start today.  ❞

❝  i’m afraid i don’t have all of the details of your involvement with the… tragic events in [place]. and i don’t think i’m the only one.  ❞

❝  i’m still not sure i understand the whole tradition.  ❞

❝  whatever it is, it’s chasing me. i can hear it’s footsteps in the snow, i can hear it—  ❞

❝  when you work nights here, the less you really think about them, the better.  ❞

❝  honestly, i just can’t get it out of my head.  ❞

❝  snow is one of nature’s simplest and most effective ways of killing you dead if you aren’t prepared for it.  ❞

❝  i wish you’d tell me what you’re doing here. i could lose my job if anything gets broken or if you end up getting hurt in there…  ❞

❝  would you say you… considered her a friend?  ❞

❝  would you mind saying your name again?  for the recording?  ❞

❝  if that was true, then there was something—and as a scientist, i hate to say this—supernatural going on in that lab.  ❞

❝  most of them didn’t make it. a lot of them died afraid and alone, too.  ❞

❝  i know you don’t like listening to these things, so i just wanted to help you out with…  ❞

❝  if i could sleep, then trust me, i would.  ❞

❝  i’m guessing the new owners are trying to make this place seem less creepy than it already is.  ❞

❝  my schooling was expensive and unremarkable.  ❞

❝  a lot of them died afraid and alone, too:  ideal conditions for the making of poltergeists, in my experience.  ❞

❝  look, i’m sorry, but this really isn’t a good time for anything, so if you wouldn’t mind…  ❞

❝  basically, i was picturing a slightly creepier morticia addams. i couldn’t have been more wrong.  ❞

❝  now i have to deal with [name]’s aspirations to write drama..  ❞

❝  i promise i won’t get you sacked.  ❞

❝  i’ve never been very religious, but for some reason… it made me think of hell.  ❞

❝  i think it may have been a thank you.  ❞

❝  i’m working the graveyard shift and i noticed the lights were on.  ❞

❝  i shouldn’t be here. no one asked me to come in this early.  ❞

❝  everyone around here looks at me like i’m some kind of leper.  ❞

❝  i had to go home for a few hours. i’m already on thin ice around here, and i didn’t want to get in more trouble for screaming obscenities up and down the wall.  ❞

❝  it was… darkness. no, that doesn’t do it credit, the whole place was dark. this was just... void.  ❞

❝  if i’d seen her anywhere else, i’d think she was an athlete or a backpacker.  ❞

❝  better scientists than me have been bashing their heads into that particular wall since 1927.  ❞

❝  i just want you to know that… whatever you really are... you’re safe here.  ❞

❝  goats being goats, it would just come back the next day looking for food.  ❞

❝  i would like you to leave my office now… and i’ll ask you not to tamper with evidence in the future, understood?  ❞

❝  no, of course, i don’t have signal out here, so i can’t just call triple-a.  ❞

❝  what are you doing in my office—at four goddamn thirty in the morning?  ❞

❝  you ever wonder where the line is?  you know, between human and not?  ❞

❝  the funny thing i’ve noticed about war:  no matter how terrible the fighting is, there always seems to be too much waiting. too much quiet. too much sitting around, bored to tears between fits of chaos and violence, lost in routine while waiting for the other shoe to drop.  ❞

❝  a lot of people condemn them for that. we’re so sure we’d never resort to that—that we’d rather die than cross that unspoken boundary.  ❞

❝  i’ve been at the [workplace/institution] for ten years now. that’s long enough to know that the ones who ask questions are the ones who can’t cut it.  ❞

❝  the program blew every fuse in the lab. including the lights.  ❞

❝  it was soon after they left that i began to have trouble sleeping.  ❞

❝  perhaps we never knew each other as well as most friends do, but… we cared for one another.  ❞

❝  most of her questions are a bit above my pay grade.  ❞

❝  i’m trying, i’m trying! i can’t get the door open!  ❞

❝  i don’t know why she needed my help:  i think she had a better grasp of it than most science fiction writers.  ❞

❝  we both had places to be afterwards, so we kind of rushed. i really wish i’d taken the time to say goodbye.  ❞

❝  i guess some things just… don’t want to stay buried.  ❞

❝  it was completely against orders of course, but no one really noticed or cared that far from the front.  ❞

❝  i offered to buy him a cup of coffee.  ❞

❝  newspapers praised them at the time:  saw them as heroes of exploration and paragons of pioneer courage.  ❞

❝  i signed a lot of big, scary nda’s during my time there.  ❞

❝  i did the only thing that came to mind:  i took a grenade from my belt, removed the pin, and threw it.  ❞

❝  i doubt this storm will last more than a couple of days, and once it lets up we can sneak out of here and get going again. very, very carefully.  ❞

❝  given enough time, everything will rot away to its elementary components, and that, you can’t reverse.  ❞

❝  i really can’t see anything from inside the van.  ❞

❝  i knew there were a few experiments that dealt with some pretty high-level theoretical concepts, but i wasn’t directly involved with any of them.  ❞

❝  it’s a strange choice, but then again, he’s a strange man.  ❞

❝  i know, it sounds ridiculous. trust me, i’ve done everything i can think of to make that conclusion go away.  ❞

❝  scared the bejeezus out of a bunch of skiers, but they were nice enough to let me in after deciding i probably wasn’t a ghost.  ❞

❝  please… it burns my skin… please…  ❞

❝  i forgot how fast storms blow in up here.  ❞

❝  it’s not like i felt out of control:  it felt more natural than breathing.  ❞

❝  i didn’t know what i was doing, not at any conscious level. but one step seemed to lead to another, then the next, and then the next.  ❞

❝  it’s called a butcher’s shop in some places, but a mortuary in others. as much as i’d love to imply there was some sweeney todd style recycling going on here, i think the place has just been a lot of things over the years.  ❞

❝  god, these things are creepy as hell.  ❞

❝  if you wouldn’t mind, please, tell us what happened? in your own time, of course.  ❞

❝  it took a few long, nerve-wracking days to work up my courage and visit the section again.  ❞

❝  it’s not that odd to think that people ate each other out there.  ❞

❝  i didn’t think there was a ghost in my room or anything like that, i just kept hearing noises whenever i was about to fall asleep.  ❞

❝  i downed half a dozen energy drinks at 6 and called it dinner—i know, i know, it’s a nasty habit i picked up in grad school.  ❞

❝  they told me that the cpu and motherboard had somehow been melted into a solid lump of plastic and silicon.  ❞

❝  i mean, [name] was a pain in the ass, but at least he didn’t…  ❞

❝  my schedule was full, but i had something else fall through at the last minute. i had your number on my desk, so i thought i may as well call.  ❞

❝  i wonder if it was afraid, or if it even realized what was going to happen. it probably didn’t.  ❞

❝  i need to get more coffee. or punch someone. whichever’s more convenient.  ❞

❝  god, if that’s really how i sound…  ❞

❝  people think i write horror, but i don’t really think that’s true. i just write fiction with all of the comfortable little lies taken out of it.  ❞

❝  i have loved the stars too truly to be fearful of the night.  ❞

❝  i think he felt something about this place… some influence or power that needed to be destroyed, so he tried to do it the only way he knew how.  ❞

❝  well, it’s a tricky thing. the more realistic you make them, the more… unreal they start to look. i think it’s something about the eyes.  ❞

❝  i offered to stay late, just to smooth things over.  ❞

❝  maybe i can get some writing done while i’m stuck here…  ❞

❝  no child could grow up in a jewish home surrounded by books and not read at least one story about golems.  ❞

❝  i just wasn’t a good student, despite my love of reading.  ❞

❝  i have to say, i like your jane doe.  ❞

❝  she was a scientist herself.  maybe not formally, but her way of thinking, her insight, her methods... they were scientist’s qualities.  ❞

❝  seriously, what do i need to do to get a little privacy around here, a little dignity?  hang a  ‘ do not disturb ’  sign on the door?  change all my locks?  ❞

❝  maybe it was stupid, but i figured, ‘ hey, early december, not a cloud in the sky—should still be fine, right? ’  ❞

❝  jesus, [name], i wasn’t born yesterday.  ❞

❝  maybe doing this while it’s still dark outside isn’t the best idea.  ❞

❝  more than a century and a half have passed, and this place is still just as dangerous as it was then.  ❞

❝  now, [mr./ms./mx. name], i’m sure you know why you’re here.  ❞

❝  the [event] was a bust—only about a dozen people showed up all afternoon.  ❞

❝  i never put much stock in the idea of inspiration, but for the first time in my life, it felt like i wasn’t pushing myself through the muck of miscalculation and guesswork towards a solution. i was being pulled towards an answer that already existed.  ❞

❝  it felt like i was a few steps from finding out something fundamental. some truth about our universe that no other scientist had ever dared to dream of.  ❞

❝  huh. that’s… that’s weird. i could’ve sworn there wasn’t a sculpture back there before.  ❞

❝  apparently, no one had told them what i was doing, and i wasn’t actually cleared to leave.  ❞

❝  maybe he’s trying to make amends. keeping watch over these half-living things to make sure no harm comes to them.  ❞

❝  i expected the building to be wreathed in shadow and overgrown with cobwebs, but it's actually really nice.  ❞

❝  sorry, i was trying to get my recorder working, but it froze up on me so i had to find a tape for this old…  ❞

❝  okay. just… don’t get me sacked, alright?  can’t exactly retire on this salary.  ❞

❝  but if it was real—i don’t know if i somehow created it, or if it was feeding me information about itself before it appeared.  ❞

❝  i’ve never had a manic episode before, and i was well below the level of caffeine needed to cause intoxication. as far as i can tell, there isn’t a medical explanation for what happened.  ❞

❝  i don’t get the appeal of meeting real celebrities. it’s just a cheap shock of recognition, and nothing more.  ❞

❝  whatever this… thing was, it sounds pretty dangerous.  ❞

❝  are you familiar with temporal asymmetry?  ❞

❝  i just want to make that abundantly clear:  this /wasn’t/ the plan.  ❞

❝  right then, now let’s get started. please state your name and rank for the record.  ❞

❝  though my soul may set in darkness, it will rise in perfect light.  ❞

❝  a cracker of a book, young lady.  ❞

❝  no wonder they’re keeping them in storage. they’d give anyone nightmares.  ❞

❝  i was just going to finish out my shift unless… you want me to stick around?  ❞

❝  i went to the university, but don’t remember much of the years i spent there.  ❞

❝  having to study textbooks and essays day in and day out took all of the joy out of reading for a long time.  ❞

❝  we call paradoxes paradoxes for a reason:  no matter how plausible they seem, they can never really happen.  ❞

❝  i don’t know what happened to me that night. i still don’t even know if what i saw was real.  ❞

❝  when we look into the void for too long, we find the monsters instead.  ❞

[sugargaysides]

out for blood | episode 1

word count: 1092

warnings: blood, death

- - - - -

Footsteps were heard as the sun began to set. Not many people were out, most of them made sure to be home before anything could happen to them. They were those people who unfortunately lived in an area where the most murders were commited.

The streetlights turned on and on the sidewalk was a young woman, speedwalking home as she anxiously listened to the quick footsteps following her. She was sure. Sure, she was going to be the next victim if she didn't hurry.

The footsteps got closer and closer until they finally stopped. The woman found herself facing a wall. A dead end. A dead end for her, was the last thought she had before she screamed and everything turned black.

No one was out. Too afraid to encounter the murderer who's been deleting people's existence one by one. Nothing was heard. Nothing was seen. This was the sixth murder this week.

And it's not going to be the last, thought Virgil as he wiped the blood of his face. The woman lied dead on the floor with the man hovering over her, satisfied with his dinner. It was only a matter of time before someone found her body so Virgil swiped non-existent dust of his ripped jeans, poured her remaining blood into a wine bottle, and was on his way home, as if he didn't just cause another murder.

Oh well, the media will be happy to get a new story.

- - - - -

The light was on in his office as Logan absentmindedly took a sip of the blood he collected two days ago. As much as he prefered drinking the liquid straight from the body, hunting was always such a chore. Plus, he barely had time to go hunt every night for fun. Even though it was rather fun.

His mind wandered, his friend (who was human) left only a while ago. His friend (who was human and smelled good) was the only one he trusted. The only one he had in his long, mundane life. His friend (who was human and smelled good and whose eyes glowed when he smiled) had such sweet blood. If Logan could, he would sink his fangs into his friend's skin and never pull them out again but sadly, his friend was human. And therefore, mortal. Unlike him.

Logan sulked, but forced his mind to go elsewhere. His eyes landed on the newspaper. Another murder, another day. He wondered, if it was another vampire.

- - - - -

When Virgil arrived home, he saw only his brother's pair of shoes behind the door. Patton was out then.

He entered the living room, wine bottle in hand. His brother, Dee, sat on the couch, back turned to him, as always. Silently, the taller man tapped Dee's shoulder and held out the bottle, which his brother accepted with a grateful smile. He was content. So Virgil was too.

- - - - -

The playground was mostly empty. Save for a single sobbing child, lost and confused, sitting on the swing. His mother seemed to have forgotten about him. Not that uncommon, really. Patton was used to the sight of a lost child, crying and hoping to be picked up. Unluckily for them, Patton was the one who got to them first. Hopefully, their parents regretted not paying attention to their children, thought Patton as he neared the child.

Looking up at the sound of slow footsteps, the boy saw a friendly looking man approaching him, a sad and sympathetic smile on his face.

"Hey there, kiddo. Where are your parents?"

The child tried to explain through his tears that his mother had left with his sister, completely forgetting about the existence of her second child. Patton could sympathize. He held his hand out,

"Want me to bring you home, kid?"

The boy sent a grateful smile his way and took his hand, oblivious to the trouble he just got into.

The streetlights flickered as Patton and the boy made their way out of the playground and ignorant to the child's confused noises, Patton lead him into an abandoned alley.

The boy never arrived home.

- - - - -

The radio podcast told another story about a child murder. The city was already used to those kind of news. More and more people moved out but those who were foolish decided to stay. One of those people was Roman.

He just finished his set of sit-ups when another newsflash came through. A woman was found dead. Her shoulder completely ripped off. Roman shivered at the image that popped into his mind. He's been watching too many horror movies lately. But this was reality, wasn't it?

Only Lord knows, he'd be the next victim the news would hear about.

However, that wasn't the way he wanted to go out. Not by the hand of some killer. Maybe by a vampire's, he wouldn't mind that, would be honored actually.

If only...

- - - - -

Remus giggled as he hung up the phone. His friend just agreed to another meeting, or date as Remus liked to call it. To say that Remus had a crush on his friend would have been an understatement. He was sure he was in love. If only his friend loved him back...

Though he didn't want to admit it, Remus knew exactly why the older man agreed to be his friend. There was only one, simple reason for it but Remus had a hard time accepting it.

He rolled over in his bed, looked through his phone gallery and marveled at the few pictures he had taken of his friend. All of them, secretly.

Logan would riot if he found out.

- - - - -

The hard cover of a book hitting the back of his head awakened Remy from his slumber. Grumpily, he looked up just to see his boss' glare.

"You can't keep falling asleep on your shift, Remy," scolded Emile as he put the book back into a shelf. Remy only grumbled and adjusted the shades on his face. Thankfully, the library didn't have a dress code or Remy could say bye-bye to his fabulous wardrobe.

The radio beside him played the news. Remy barely batted an eyelash at the murder happenings. As long as Emile didn't die, he really didn't bother to care.

Though the older man would scold him even more if he voiced his selfless thoughts. Maybe Remy should start thinking of himself more...

- - - - -

WELL! this was the first chapter for my vampire!au. I really hope you like it! This is more of a prologue really, the pilot episode if you will!

(comment if you wanna be tagged in this!)

[tentpoletrauma]

Transcript of our A Nightmare of Elm Street (2010) podcast

Unknown Speaker  0:10   Welcome to Tentpole Trauma, the podcast where we look at movies that came with hype and high hopes, but left with crushing disappointment, either critically at the box office are both. freed from the weight of expectations, we seek to examine these underperformers under a new light parsing through the good, the bad and everything in between with the hopes of gaining a better understanding as to why they failed to find their audience.

Unknown Speaker  0:41   Warning, there will be spoilers. So if you haven't seen the movie that we're discussing today, I suggest you stop the podcast and go watch it. Then when you come back and listen, you'll get more out of the discussion. This episode, we examine the 2010 remake of A Nightmare on Elm Street.

Unknown Speaker  1:39   When West Cravens A Nightmare on Elm Street was released in 1984. I was a teenager, and though I did not see it in the theater, so my horror obsessed friends did and their reaction to it was nothing short of ecstatic. I caught up in video and saw the next two sequels in the theater. And though Michael Myers was more my slasher soon I was a Freddy Krueger convert. I lost track of the dream demon over my 20s but enjoyed the monster mashup between him and Jason for he's in 2003 Freddy vs. Jason. By the time a remake was announced in the late aughts, I was back into horror in a big way and was ready for more Freddy. And when Jackie Earle Haley, an actor I loved was revealed to be taking over for the iconic Robert England, and that the film was getting a decent budget to realize its fantastical dream sequences, I was hyped. Some months before the release, a friend of mine scored tickets to a preview screening of the movie, which I was only too happy to accept. There had been rumors of a troubled production as video director Samuel bear had never done a feature. But I was still hopeful it would be good. But the film we saw that night was a mess. It's hard for me to remember now 10 years later, what was different in the preview as compared to the official release. But I do remember the original opening scene took place at a high school party, and that the climax featured out of place religious imagery, and that at one point Freddy showed up in monk's robes. It was weird to say the least. When the film was released to the public, I saw it again out of curiosity and thought that improvements had been made, and that the movie had some redeeming qualities overall, but that ultimately it felt inconsequential, and that Jackie Earle Haley fell far short of the great Robert England. critics and fans were far less kind to it than I was another film made a profit it pretty much shut down the Platinum dunes remake machine for good. No sequel was ever announced. And Fred has been absent from our dreams and from movie screens ever since. So what went wrong? That's what we're here to discuss on this episode of Tentpole Trauma, the 2010 remake of the Nightmare on Elm Street.

Unknown Speaker  4:02   All right, I'm Sebastian and I'm here with Jennifer. Hello. And Rodney from the pod forsaken podcast. Hey,

Unknown Speaker  4:10   everyone. Hello,

Unknown Speaker  4:12   Ronnie. Why haven't you called? Have you ever thought of rebranding the podcast to rod forsaken?

Unknown Speaker  4:18   You know, I bring that up to my co hosts every episode before we record. And because there's two of them, they always outvote me. But I I'm with you maybe you want to have a word with them.

Unknown Speaker  4:28   This is why you kill your other hosts.

Unknown Speaker  4:31   Oh, is is that why there were seven hosts here at 10

Unknown Speaker  4:34   years to be more hosts for Tentpole Trauma, but they are gone now. They died in their dreams. Tell us a little bit about your podcast.

Unknown Speaker  4:43   Piper Sagan horror podcast is a horror podcast where we kind of do the opposite. I think of what you guys do. We specifically pick horror movies that most people have never seen or maybe never even heard of. And then we watch them. We tell you about them. We usually do a format where First, the beginning of the episode, we watch the trailer for the movie we're going to do next week, so that you can, you know, you can watch the trailer and decide if this movie is for you. And then, you know, we talked about the movie with no spoilers give you kind of a review, and then we dive in and just spoil the shit out of it. But the whole point is that like, as we were all horror fans, obviously, and after a certain point, you have to start digging deep to find good stuff, right? Like theatrical, hollywood movies kind of start leaving a bad taste in your mouth. And so we started the podcast to help horror fans find the really good shit that's either foreign or like independently made that you might not know about. It's just a passion project that I do with some friends. And we've had a very good response so far. Although no one's probably gonna look me in the eyes and say, I hate your fucking podcast, but you're welcome to.

Unknown Speaker  5:55   Well, I've been meaning to tell you.

Unknown Speaker  5:57   Now is your moment.

Unknown Speaker  5:58   No, no, I love your podcasts. Awesome. Well, that's great. We're talking about the 2010 Nightmare on Elm Street remake directed by Samuel bear. And the reason why I chose it is not because it was a huge financial disaster because it actually wasn't it actually cost about $46 million or something and made three times that worldwide so it's not a financial disaster, but I do believe that it effectively the fan and Critical response for it was pretty much toxic. And it pretty much stopped the whole Platinum dunes remake trend dead in its tracks and there hasn't been any more they didn't do any more. Friday the 13th they didn't do another Texas Chainsaw at all. They shut down Platinum dunes Michael Bay's production horror remake company. So I consider it a you know, Tentpole Trauma because it wrecked the party, so to speak. Let's talk a little bit about your own personal history with the franchise. Jennifer, what what is your history with the Nightmare on Elm Street franchise?

Unknown Speaker  7:11   Well, I saw the first Nightmare on Elm Street, pretty young, I saw a lot of are probably way younger than I should have seen the pattern. But I was just really into it. And I most likely saw it on I know there's no way I didn't know but didn't have a cool enough parents to take me to the theater to see it. But I did probably catch it either on VHS or on, you know, HBO or something like that. Not you know, whenever it became available, but I first you know, heard about it through friends who had seen it older friends, you know, so I already had an idea of who Freddy was. And, you know, like how kids do you know, you're talking it up and then this happens. And he's got knives for fingers and then he says this and so you know, that was all amped up and then I saw it and I liked it. I thought it was scary. And did you see the first film first? Yes, the original Nightmare on Elm Street. You saw that first? Yes, I have the the films of the franchise that I've seen the most are the first and the third. I've seen the dream warriors. That was on TV a lot. And I really I appreciate the first one I love the first one but I probably like especially when I was younger was more into three right? But yeah, that was that was my you know an initial history with the franchise. I it's not my favorite of the horror franchise. I mean, I do like Freddy, but it's not my go to you know, there's, it's for me, it's not as consistent as some other franchises are, as far as like having a number of films that I like to go back to and enjoy. There's some that are kind of tough to get through in this one. In my opinion. Rodney, how about you? How what's your history with the Nightmare on Elm Street franchise?

Unknown Speaker  9:02   Never seen any of them?

Unknown Speaker  9:08   Was I supposed to watch?

Unknown Speaker  9:11   Actually, I wanted to say first of all, thank you guys for having me on. I didn't say that. And I think your show is really great. And it's like I'm really pumped to be here and jazzed to talk about this. I'm we're pumped to have

Unknown Speaker  9:22   you run. Yeah, I can tell from my voice. This is my pumped voice.

Unknown Speaker  9:26   I can tell that you are really jazzed. I'm sort of like we're Jenna's. I, I don't remember what my first one was. I feel like at a sleep over. Someone showed me part three. I had parents who were very lenient. I remember seeing part four by myself in a theater. I think my dad would like take me to the theater. He bought me the ticket. And then like once I went in, he'd like, go to a bar and have a drink and be like, I'll see when it's over. Right? I've never like I like them. But Jen's right. These movies are so all over the map. There are really great ones. And they're ones that are so low that like I, they're barely movies to me. But in general, they have really creative kills. And Freddy Krueger is like one of the most iconic villains of all time. It's just that there's no consistency between the movies. That's my biggest problem, right? Like, I was showing my wife them, and we just skipped over part two. I was like, you don't need part two. It's not canon watch.

Unknown Speaker  10:23   Part two is amazing.

Unknown Speaker  10:24   No, part two is you

Unknown Speaker  10:25   can't get over it. No,

Unknown Speaker  10:27   part two. I did. Part two is amazing. Ronnie, I'm sorry. Wait, I've got it. I can't let you think that I don't enjoy part two. Okay, well, let's not go down the rabbit hole.

Unknown Speaker  10:36   Fair enough. Fair enough. But look, I I enjoy all of the Friday 13th movies. I've seen them all now multiple times. So, uh, I you know, I? I've always been a Jason guy. I hope that's not a problem. But Freddie's probably my number two. No, that's not true. He's my number three. Chucky would be number two.

Unknown Speaker  10:57   I'm a Michael Meyers guy myself, and he has some of the worst movies. So it's not really about who's got the best movies, just Who's your guy? You know, I will say about the nightmare series. What I do appreciate about it is generally speaking, even the terrible ones have a certain amount of imagination. Just the premise in itself is inherently imaginative. And I kind of have to give it to Freddie for that. There's always something even in the most terrible of them. There's always some crazy interesting nightmare scenario that makes either makes me laugh, or I really enjoy. But let's move on to the subject of remakes in general, because this movie was sort of the final nail in the coffin in some ways of the whole remake trend of the 20 Arts, the early aughts. So Jen, what is your feeling on remakes in general? Like, I know, you're a big Texas Chainsaw fan, and you're not a fan of the Platinum dunes, Texas Chainsaw remake, which sort of kicked off this trend. What is your general feeling on remakes?

Unknown Speaker  12:01   Well, with remakes I kind of feel like you know, I love horror. So I'm always gonna give it a shot. And my expectations are pretty low. When I'm when I'm watching these like I have nowhere to go. But up. Texas Chainsaw I'm just so particularly protective of because it's just, there's nothing like the first Texas Chainsaw where you don't really like the franchise you just like the first movie in the second one. I mean, I pretty much do. Yeah, that's that's a fact. I mean, I appreciate I mean three is okay. And I appreciate for for being you know, the weird version that it is. But yeah, that that's not one of my favorite remakes. I did like the Friday the 13th remake. I've seen I've saw that in the theater. And I've seen that several times sense. There's Yeah, I don't know. I mean, there's there's none that are really standing out that I'm like, Oh, this is you know, I've never once been like this was better than the first one.

Unknown Speaker  12:58   Look, there are remakes that I think are really good. I'll point to the ring. And the ring is an excellent remake. Agreed. I actually, I think it comes down to how much do you care about the original film and if you saw it, for example, I've and I know this might get me kicked off. But I've never been a big Texas Chainsaw Massacre fan. Like, I just never I saw it growing up and it never, it never impacted me the way that it impacts a lot of people. So when I saw the Platinum dunes remake, I was like, Hey, this is pretty good, right? Because I have no emotional attachment to it. But when I saw the Friday the 13th one or like the recent Child's Play remake, the Friday 13th one is okay. It's got some cool shit. But like in general, remakes just anger me because they're so clearly a cash grab, right? It's just like, yo, let's just capitalize on this thing. For money sake, when the original thing was actually a thing of passion. And every once in a while the remake is done by someone who is passionate, and you end up with something good, but it's rare. I mean, you point to like, Ocean's 11 as another great example. And that movie is fucking awesome. And that's a remake. But in general, if I see it's a remake, it's probably bad and I don't care.

Unknown Speaker  14:05   I am sort of weirdly optimistic about these things. I feel I'm in a sort of strange position there as a horror fan because I feel most horror fans are not like that. But I get kind of excited with with Texas Chainsaw I was I found I was very skeptical about that one because I feel that the original is such a specific thing that you can't recapture that you can't recapture that in the 2000s you can't recreate the 70s and the grime and just the atmosphere of the time that is so inherent in that film. Were something like Freddy Krueger or Nightmare on Elm Street. As much as I love the West Craven original and I love the West Craven original I like Part Two for its craziness horse. I love dream warriors. I generally think that's probably the most fun of all of them. You know, when when they announced that they were doing the Nightmare on Elm Street remake or reboot or whatever, they were pitching it as I was actually kind of excited at the idea of it because I thought, well, there's an idea that you could do now, it would still be just as relevant now. And with modern special effects, you might be able to really take it somewhere really crazy. So I was game for it. And, you know, I felt that most horror fans were definitely not.

Unknown Speaker  15:31   Yeah, I was I was up for it. I saw it in the theater. It was again, though, the way that I like I said, I approach remakes in general, where I didn't have the the optimism that you did. I was just kind of like, well, let's, you know, let's see what they're gonna do with it. Because I'm just, like I said, happy to get another horror movie. And, you know, it's, I do like, Friday a lot. And I want and I do like, Jackie Earle, Haley. And let's, let's see what's going to happen.

Unknown Speaker  15:59   So Jackie Earle Haley is Freddie was a draw was sort of a draw for you.

Unknown Speaker  16:03   Sort of because because I'm definitely a fan. Like, I like him a lot. I mean, there's several of his films. And he was this is when he was, you know, starting to make a comeback and do more stuff. And yeah, I was I was I was game.

Unknown Speaker  16:18   You know, it's funny. I'm with you, Sebastian. On this one. I was excited. I remember thinking, hey, platinum dunes has pretty much delivered above average contents to me so far, and it was rated R, and hey, they got Jackie Earle Haley, and he's done some great shit. I was jazz. I thought this was going to be a pretty good time, you know? So yeah, I saw that. I think opening weekend Jackie Earle

Unknown Speaker  16:41   Haley was sort of coming off of watchmen at the time playing roar shack, which, you know, has some similarities to Freddy Krueger. So I think people were excited to see him take on the role. If they were excited about it. They were excited to see him take it on because of horshack. And because of the other stuff he had done, he had done little children or something like that before, which had a sort of similar type of icky character in it. So it seemed pretty promising. Now the film is directed by Samuel Bayer. Do you guys know what his claim to fame is?

Unknown Speaker  17:17   Yes, I do now, but only because I looked it up.

Unknown Speaker  17:20   He directed the the Smells Like Teen Spirit video from Nirvana. And he also directed the bee girl video for Blind Melon. So you know, no rain. He's a guy who looked clearly has some visual talent. The weird thing and I remember thinking this at the time is, why isn't he directed any feature film until now, this was his first feature film, as a director, you would have thought coming out of you know, the 90s when Fincher and other guys who were video directors were sort of becoming big directors, you would have thought that this guy would have gotten his shot way before 2010 and Nightmare on Elm Street remake. But this was his first movie, I don't think most people knew that his of his pedigree going in. So I don't think it really made much of a difference to most people. You know, we get our sort of opening scene. You know, the movie sort of starts off I think like most horror movies of the era with a kind of creepy credit sequence where we get some flashes of little kids playing hopscotch and stuff. And then we get our sort of opening sequence, which takes place in the diner. We have the Twilight's Kellan Lutz as this tormented teen, and he sort of wandering around in the kitchen looking, you know, he clearly has gone into sort of a dream sequence and there's like, you know, hog heads and stuff. And we sort of get a glimpse of Rooney Mara as Nancy. Freddy shows up, and he wakes up. And Katie Cassidy, who's playing, I believe her name is Chris, but she's clearly modeled after the Tina character in the original. She was also in the show arrow, she shows up and they have this sort of conversation. He's initially just like, asking for coffee and normal serve them. So he's like being ignored. And you don't know at first, but he's dreaming. But then when he goes back into the kitchen, and it seems like he's in a boiler room, yeah.

Unknown Speaker  19:23   And then the all the gross like, animal heads and stuff, but not good. And then we see the glove swipe Adam, and then he then then we see him wake up, and his hand is cut. And so yeah, you know, it's 100% clear. That's what's going on. He was dreaming. And then he's talking with Chris, and she was also in some other remakes as well. She was in when a stranger calls and the, I think the black Christmas remake to where you see Nancy and she's talking to the guy from Jennifer's body, and there's like that's going on in question. Quintin Kyle gallon I think his name is Yeah. And yeah, so then we were that's all going on and then Dean has passed out again and then we get the him with the steak knife. And yeah, it's I don't know, I thought like, okay, we're starting off good here like this is like, I didn't see that coming Fred shows up and basically makes him stab himself in the neck with a steak knife. Yeah. And I thought that was I thought we were starting off strong.

Unknown Speaker  20:29   Overall, there's something weird about the scene, the way the movie starts. And maybe it's intentional that like, they want you to, they want to throw you off your foot right from the start because you're in a dream. But there's something about that whole opening scene where they just like they're cramming every character in the movie into this one diner. And the, the, the guy who kills himself, Dean, he's doing that thing in horror movies, where like, he can't just put a sentence together to explain what's going on. Right? He's just like, he's a mess. And he's like, Ah, man, don't close. Don't go to sleep, man. Don't you can't sleep. I'm like, explain to her why. And she's like, oh, you're just imagining things and, and like the hogs heads boiling in the in the pots and shit. This is going to be a recurring thing I'm going to talk about which is that the dream sequences in this movie are so lame and unimaginative. And I will give credit that when he stabs himself in the neck. That was awesome. It looks really good. Yeah. I also want to point out, did you guys catch that? I don't think went back because I went back and watch the trailer. This is clearly not the original opening they shot. He does in the trailer.

Unknown Speaker  21:33   Not only am I aware of that, but I saw an advanced screening of this movie. Oh, shit, yes. And it had a completely different opening sequence that this whole diner sequence was a reshoot the original scene that I saw an advanced screening it took place at a party. They were just they were just at a house party.

Unknown Speaker  21:55   That's what you see in the trailer. And so this diner scene feels like a reshoot.

Unknown Speaker  22:00   It totally is. 100%. That explains it. Yeah. So and I agree with what you're saying. It's, it seems like they're like, well, we got to get all the characters set up in the scene. And I think one of the drawbacks of this film, in terms of just its narrative is that it really sort of accelerates everything so that you can tell they're just like, Okay, we got to get the kids set up, you got to know who the kids are. And, you know, they're all having these dreams. And we got to know about the dreams and you know, like by the second scene, we're at a funeral. And now Chris is having more is having another sort of dream was that she sees her little self in front of the, in front of the coffin and for the Fred's glove comes out and slashes are. So you know, we're getting, we're getting thrown right into it. And we're learning about the gang and their dreams. And we're meeting Connie Britton and Clancy Brown as the parents. So yeah, I feel like there's definitely a sort of sweat Enos to the setup of the film where they're like, okay, we just got to get this thing going, like, let's go, let's go, let's go. This

Unknown Speaker  23:05   movie has no chill. That's what it comes down to. It's constantly, it's constantly trying to insist how cool and scary it is in every moment. And therefore it never has any dread. Again, there's, you know, the shooting of the diner scene, like, I like the lighting of it. I thought that was cool. I think

Unknown Speaker  23:21   it looks good.

Unknown Speaker  23:23   Visually, it looks good. Which I would expect from a music video director.

Unknown Speaker  23:26   Absolutely. Right. It's got a slickness to it. That is sort of in line with the Platinum dunes remakes in general. But I do think I think my primary disappointment in a lot of the dream sequences is really that they're just kind of rehashing what happened in the original film. And in some cases, they're doing it way worse. Yeah, like the porn Fred comes out of the wall. It's really underwhelming because it just looks like this CGI blob, peeling off the wall, where in the original Freddie? New notice I'm differentiating between Fred and Freddie. And that's because Jennifer and I own a Fred Krueger, action figure, his name? Krueger, and it's Jackie Earle Haley in his like gardener uniform.

Unknown Speaker  24:17   So you're the one who bought that.

Unknown Speaker  24:19   Yes. We go to Nancy's house and she's chillin with her iPod. She's doing like creepy drawings because she's a, you know, disturbed artist. That's when we get Freddie coming through the wall, which looks terrible. I think it looks so bad. And as I was saying, in the original, the effect is so cheap. It's just some tarp or something covered with paint. And in there, there's somebody pushing through the tarp. But it looks so much better than this CGI nonsense, which I'm sure was a lot more expensive. And just to put it out there. I'm not the you know, practical effects are always He's better guy. I'm just not I I like both things. I love a great practical effect. And I love a well done CGI effect. So I, you know, I'm up for them using state of the art computer imagery to accentuate Freddy and his powers. But this is just terrible. And it really sort of sets a bad taste in your mouth early on,

Unknown Speaker  25:24   right? But it's also like in the original there's like a creepiness the way it's slowly the wall slowly pushes in, right? Yeah. And this one is really like a blob that goes, ah, like as though they're trying to make a jumpscare out of it is the combination of the goofiness of the gras mixed with it's literally like the worst CG I've ever seen. It's tear it's like langdell lirs level in this one moment.

Unknown Speaker  25:45   Yeah, it's it's really bad. Well,

Unknown Speaker  25:47   I think also, it's it's not only is it doesn't look good, it's like it's such a forgettable moment. Whereas in the original it's, it's a memorable moment. Like this is it happens. So like you said, it's like rod happens so fast that it's like, if I would not have made a note of this. I would have forgotten it. Yeah, like that. That's and I've seen this movie multiple times. Now. Why? I don't know. But I have. Yeah, I don't know. I just think it's some it's it's such a blip on the radar. It's like really quick with her. She's like sketching this like Fred blobs out and then cut to where it Chris next where Chris like talking about to her mom about the photos. Like why doesn't she remember being in these photos? Because they had photos at the funeral? And where are more photos? Like I don't know. How do I know? You know, she's she's having the whole issue that she didn't think she met Dean until high school. Yeah. So like, how is she in these high kid photos? And mom's been super cagey about it. Yeah. So yeah, but it feels like that's that's how quickly it happens. Is this like blob with Nancy? Hey, Chris. Chris has questions.

Unknown Speaker  26:57   Yeah, it sort of plays into rod nice. This has no, this movie has no chill.

Unknown Speaker  27:01   There's so many, like, very forced, and sudden jumpscares you know, and like to be like when I was watching it. I genuinely was trying to watch it as though I've never seen A Nightmare on Elm Street film before I was trying to judge it as though it's just a movie called The nightmare killer. Right? And even under those criteria, it's so forced, you know, it's just like, there's so many moments of these just like a sudden CUT TO Freddy Krueger jumping out of the shadows with the loudest Stinger in the world. And then the scene moves on. Again, if I if I had if I use let me talk for an hour, I would just talk about how you shouldn't be allowed to make a horror movie unless you love horror movies. And if I'm sure you've done your research, but apparently Michael Bay offered this movie to Samuel Bayer twice and he turned it down twice. He basically had to convince him What a financial windfall, it would be for him. Right? And I gotta tell you, if you're a director, and someone offers you a smash, imagine someone said you can direct the next Freddy Krueger movie, would you

Unknown Speaker  28:04   say no, I would pop a million boners

Unknown Speaker  28:08   there's no say this. This guy said no. Thank you twice. So this guy doesn't deserve to be directing a Freddy Krueger movie. And that's what you end up getting is a movie that comes from someone who doesn't get what makes Freddy Krueger cool. And what makes movies scary, huh?

Unknown Speaker  28:23   Yeah, I mean, I mostly agree with that. But I do sometimes think we put too much of a premium on filmmakers being fans of things like, oh, if they're not a fan, they shouldn't do it. I don't really care if somebody is a fan of the movie or the property or not. If they can make a good movie, they can make a good movie. I would be more concerned about the fact that Samuel Baird never made a movie in general. Sure, let's add

Unknown Speaker  28:51   that on the pie like

Unknown Speaker  28:52   that. I would be more as from a producing standpoint that would give me pause more. But one thing I think he did a pretty okay job with is a cast. I think the cast is mostly pretty good.

Unknown Speaker  29:05   I like the cast. I like all of the kids. I'm like I said I recognized you know, a couple from other horror movies. And then of course, the like the adults like they've got some heavy hitters. I mean, Connie Britton's, a great actor, and so was Clancy Brown. I mean, those are the the two most recognizable to me. And of course, Jackie Earle, Haley.

Unknown Speaker  29:27   I did miss the drunken mom from the original

Unknown Speaker  29:30   Nancy's drunken mom. Yeah, I know this mom Connie Britton had it way more together. She was way more on top of things. She should have been into pills or

Unknown Speaker  29:37   something. You know, they should have had gotten her into oxy. Just to modernize it.

Unknown Speaker  29:43   Yeah. Missed up missed opportunity. I think

Unknown Speaker  29:46   weirdly, Rooney Mara kind of comes off the worst, which is too bad because she's our Nancy. I feel like the other quote unquote teens do pretty well. I like Kyle gulnur I actually like the actress who plays Chris. I think she does a pretty good job. But Rooney seems a little lost. She seems like she doesn't know what she's supposed to be doing. You know, her characters kind of supposed to be the dark one, I guess, because she does dark drawings. But she works at the diner, and she's kind of got, you know, a little sass to her. So it's kind of hard to get a bead on her. I think, you know, I think she's done some pretty good work over the years. But this, I feel like she seems a little a little lost here.

Unknown Speaker  30:37   You know, I see where you're coming from. I quit the whole time. I couldn't decide how I thought about Rooney Mara, for me. I think overall, she works because like, I believe she's in high school, and she's got a kind of a young face. And I yeah, I don't really know her as a character. But I get that she's like, she's tired and sad. And then she draws sad pictures, right? Yeah. For me. The problem for me, it is Chris. And it's not because of her performance. It's because she looks like she's 45 years old. And I did not believe for one second. She's in high school. Like, literally when she's like talking to her mom, I thought they were like friends, like at wine book club or something. I expected a scene for her to go pick up kids. And I couldn't understand why you would cat like she's clearly like 29 to 32 years old, and she made this movie. And I was like, why can't they just get actual, like 18 year old people to play 18 year old people. Having said that, if you can look past that. Yeah, she's okay. I don't think anyone in this movie is doing what I would call a good job. Everyone's doing a, an okay, job. If I had to give an acting award out. I'd give it to Clinton. I liked his performance the best.

Unknown Speaker  31:43   Yeah. Well, I mean, I think that's fair. But I also think that when you look back at pretty much any horror franchise cast, there are very few where you say, these are all award worthy performances. A lot of times the actors acquit themselves well, but it's not like I felt that these, this was all on par. They were all doing what they were asked to do and doing it. Well, but the big question is, Jackie Earle, Haley. Okay. Oh, boy, we are all pretty excited about Jackie, as Freddy or Fred, as it were. I remember seeing, you know, production stills of his makeup and I was like, Well, okay, I see what they're doing. They're going for like a legit burn victim look here rather than the stylized look of of Robert Anglin. And let's just get it out of the way. You know, Robert, England is iconic is Freddy Krueger, there's, you know, there's no way that anybody's ever going to play this character and not be compared unfavorably to to Robert England. It's his role, but I appreciated Well, they're going sort of a different direction here. They're trying to make it look more realistic. And you know, I did like his little tic where he he rubs his knives together. I thought that was a the one kind of cool thing he did. But I have to say, overall, I was fun kind of let down. One of my big problems is and this is not his fault. But he's a short man. And you can tell he's a short man. And a lot of the scenes, you know, you're, you're like, are we watching leprechaun? Is he? What are we doing leprechaun here? I mean, you know, he's just not a big guy. And it's kind of hard to make this little dude. be super scary. I think he has the attitude. He hasn't. I mean, he I wouldn't say he has the Freddie attitude, but he has an attitude. He has a very scary voice and a scary presence. But overall, I just found his stature and his look to be a little off putting.

Unknown Speaker  34:03   I had high hopes. Because I am such a fan. It's just it's this really, it just doesn't really work for me. Yeah, I

Unknown Speaker  34:12   don't have to apologize.

Unknown Speaker  34:15   I mean, but but I really wanted it to you know, and it's like even the semoran I was like, I don't know, it's just and i think it's it's just because Robert England is so iconic. I just that's who Freddie is to me and I know this is Fred Krueger cuz that's what we're referring to him is in the remake. And you know, I appreciate them trying to do something different and it's not his acting or anything like that. It's just I don't know, it's this the the character looks it just looks he looks strange. It's not scary. It's just it's not even like it's it's hard to look at or off putting or anything like that. It just doesn't I don't know. It just doesn't work for me,

Unknown Speaker  34:59   either. I'm totally with you, Jen. It's just wrong. And, and I am, again, trying to let go of the fact that he can't be Robert England, right? Like, you can't live up to that. So I kind of expected him to do something really different with the roll. And I'm with you, Subash. And the cool thing he does is when he like, rubs his fingers together, and they make that blade sound as like, yeah, that's cool. But that's it. I think the look of him. He looks stupid. Like, it's like, he's got these weird like, kind of buck teeth that make them look kind of dorky, right? And I know they're going for like a burn look, but like, he doesn't look disgusting. And he looks kind of gross, but he's not scary looking. And on top of that, what they do with his voice is like, he never sounds like he's in the scene. All of his his his dialogue has been recorded in ADR? Yes. And it's just like, it's like floating digitally on top of the scene. Yes. So it, I know that that's a choice to like, make it cool and creepy. But the whole time I was sitting there, I was like, why does this not work? Like, why is this not cool? And I was like, I don't know. He's just, he's just not cool. He's like, slow moving. His lines aren't very good. His delivery isn't really good. bad job, bad job. I was gonna say maybe you shouldn't hire famous actors. I'd rather just have no buddies playing my monsters. I remember reading a little bit about the production. And I think that the reason why his lines are so heavily ADR is because they rewrote a lot of his dialogue. They weren't happy with whatever the initial stuff was. And so they just kind of kept redoing it in post. And I feel like you can kind of hear a little bit of annoyance in Jackie Earle Haley, his voice, like, I've got to know, what's this line?

Unknown Speaker  36:48   Yeah, his lines are weird. Like, they're trying to be funny. But they're not really funny, cuz they're in this really tough, tough position of trying to live up to Robert, England's sort of famous one lines and taunting. You know, I think the only one I really liked is when he says like, Why are you screaming? I haven't even cut you yet. That one I'm like, yeah, that's pretty good. You know, but you know, he, you know, most of them are kind of creepy in a bad way. They play up the sirt, the child molester angle of the character that was only really hinted at and wisely. So I believe in the original. And so, you know, his lines are sort of coming from this perverted place a lot of the time, and I really don't think that helps sell the lovability of

Unknown Speaker  37:43   Freddie. That's kind of like what's I think doesn't sit well, for myself and sounds like you and probably Rodney as well as it's like, because we just knew him, you know, originally as a child murderer, and which is implied, you know, we don't there wasn't just killing there was probably other things that were going on that were terrible as well. However, now, it's all about the yuck stuff. And it's like, that's just that can't be funny. You can't have like, one liners and like be like creepy like that. And it's like, you just don't know what to do with that more. yuck, yuck.

Unknown Speaker  38:19   And less yuck, I think is the problem.

Unknown Speaker  38:23   You know what I think it is? Original Freddy Krueger, he there's a certain gleeful pneus to the fact that he gets to kill people in dreams. Even in the first movie where he has very few lines. You can tell he enjoys what he's doing. But this version is more like a suffering burn victim who's like condemned to this hellish fate. And he's, you know, he wants revenge, but it doesn't seem like he really loves being the dream Master, if you will, or whatever I know. He's not the remaster is actually that other girl but whatever, you know, I mean, yeah, yeah. And that's not even touching all the child molesters stuff, which I assume we're gonna go into more depth. Because that's like a major change. We're we'll

Unknown Speaker  39:01   save that for the last act because that's when it really comes into play. But I feel that it's in there even in these you know, opening sequences. He sort of leaning into this being creepy in a weird sort of subtly sexual way.

Unknown Speaker  39:17   Yeah,

Unknown Speaker  39:18   I did kind of think just because it's so weird. We moved into the second act. We have Chris, she you know, she's kind of freaking out. She's sort of learning about this past the shared past that they all have in this preschool. And you know, she really knew all these her friends, but they didn't. They don't remember each other. And there's this sort of dream sequence where she goes out and she's like, cheers her dog barking which the dog it was a really cute dog, but she goes out and the dog is Rufus. Yes. And but Rufus is dead. Fred has killed Rufus only in the dream, I think. I don't think Rufus is dead in real life unless Rufus was dreaming and He killed Rufus and Rufus his dream, in which case they should have definitely have had a dog dream. Yeah,

Unknown Speaker  40:05   I wanted to see the dog dream go into a nightmare like the dog running around the boiler room chasing bones that keep running away from him.

Unknown Speaker  40:13   I have a bone to pick with the boiler room, but let me get there in a second. I did kind of like it in an ironic way when she goes out to find Rufus and Rufus is dead and Fred's like, I was just petting him with his claws, I was like, you know, for this movie, that was a pretty good line. But really, you know, a lot of these things that happen in this second act build up are just sort of replays of what happened in the original

Unknown Speaker  40:44   one thing I think that was different was I don't recall I don't think I've seen the first one a million times I don't think that Broadcom to Nancy's house in the first one. Like is the guy Jesse? I don't think so. I mean, I only remember Glenn coming to her bedroom window.

Unknown Speaker  41:03   No, I don't think he does.

Unknown Speaker  41:05   I don't think so either. So that was something that was a little different as we get Jesse like stopping off at Nancy's right, like it covered in blood and all of that

Unknown Speaker  41:13   the suit only comes in through bedroom windows, he doesn't

Unknown Speaker  41:16   know what front doors are for. Not at all, just all about the windows. And one

Unknown Speaker  41:20   thing I want to say about the Chris murder scene is in the original, it was done with the old revolving room trick. And you see her kind of climbing the walls, because they've shot it with a stationary camera. But with a room that goes around in this, it's very clearly, they probably have a set with no real ceiling and they've got her on wires. And they're like throwing around the room and wires and then digitally erasing the wires in the ceiling and stuff and it's not bad looking. It looks it looks fine. But when you compare it to the ingenuity of the original, it once again comes up short

Unknown Speaker  42:01   you're spot on like it again, the the original is so much like it's so cool the way that original scene is shot. And this one she's flying around, and it's just not as powerful because it's not shot from the perspective of the guy on the floor. Her death is cool when she gets like split down the middle and blood wells up like it. It's a violent scene and I was like okay, yeah, but can we just briefly talk about how much time we spend with Chris as like the main character like yeah, we're on Chris for I didn't time it but it felt like 30 minutes before we actually like I know you we meet Rooney Mara, but it basically it tries to do the psycho thing where it's like, this blonde girl is the main character, but gotcha. And I'm like, but Ivor I know Rooney's the main character's name is Nancy, why are we wasting all this time?

Unknown Speaker  42:48   Yeah. Well, you know, I guess they're trying to fake out the younger crowd who is not familiar with the original, totally fair. But as somebody who is a fan of the series, it does sort of feel like they're being weirdly too slavish to the original, at least in that first half of the second act. Now, as the second act goes on, we, you know, we get things that are sort of new additions to the story, in the whole preschool backstory is not in the original, they have a vague sort of implication of stuff like that, and the original, but they really lean into it here. I don't mind that. I think it's, you know, it's I'm just glad that they're doing something kind of different, at least at that point.

Unknown Speaker  43:36   I will say that, out of all the things they could have named the preschool, they call it the bad ham squad. And I was like, Yeah, I know. It says bad, but that's bad ham. Yeah. Which is a really weird name. The name did anything. But the one the one thing I will give this movie some credit for, I mean, there's a couple others, but the fact that they all knew each other when they were kids, and they all went to the same school and interacted with Fred Krueger when he was alive. It makes more sense why the parents would be dismissive of their their nightmares, right? because they'd say your, your they would think you're having traumatic nightmares of that guy that molested you. That makes sense to me. As opposed to in the other vert in the original where it's like, That's funny. My daughter's dreaming of that man I murdered that she never met. Right? Yeah. So I and I do like the the idea of like, Rooney or Chris, whoever you want to say discovers it that like finding out that they're all connected and finding the photograph, and I do give credit for that because it does create like a breadcrumb trail for her to follow. Yeah, I didn't mind it at all.

Unknown Speaker  44:43   I actually also wanted to bring up there was something that I had forgotten about, and that I saw on this watch, which takes us to the bad ham school. It was that you know, Nancy's in the tub, and you know, you see Freddie's glove. Come on. But I'm like, and I was like, here we go, you know, we're just going to do what we did with that before. And they did a little differently, which I appreciated that. And also, they brought some technology into it because she had a cell phone alarm to wake her up now, which that wasn't available

Unknown Speaker  45:18   cell phones, which felt really outdated. Now they like they're super outdated 2010.

Unknown Speaker  45:24   Man, when I see outdated cell phones and movies.

Unknown Speaker  45:29   Those phones are so old.

Unknown Speaker  45:33   Anyway. Yeah. But yeah, I appreciated the addition of the school and that that whole thing, because I really did like that from the original as well, like in which they didn't go in as deep. But you know, just that it's a creepy, the creepy concept. So then after that,

Unknown Speaker  45:51   after that whole scene, like Quentin, basically, she wakes up in the tub, and Clinton calls and tells her Jesse is dead. Then we get this pre reg requisite scene and every horror movie where Quentin is researching. He's running low on his pharmaceutical speed, but he's researching on gigablast. All about dreams and stuff at the like coffee shop library. He and Nancy gigablast. The batum preschool. You know, how is fat ham? Bad? I mean, I'm like, maybe it's a reference to john batum, the director of Saturday Night Fever and the 1979 Dracula, but that's probably a stretch. And you know that I believe this is when they set up the idea of micro naps where you can you can just be so sort of fall asleep just for a few seconds. I have a feeling we might have saw an argument about this. So I'm excited. Yeah,

Unknown Speaker  46:56   I feel it's growing.

Unknown Speaker  46:59   I feel the opposite of whatever you I

Unknown Speaker  47:02   kind of like the micro naps idea. What do you think about that? Rodney? Do you like my

Unknown Speaker  47:11   fuck micro naps, bro.

Unknown Speaker  47:13   I think this is the dumbest mugging thing in the entire movie. And from this point forward, it becomes such a laughingstock of a film because of the introduction of this concept. I I literally hate it. I it basically is an excuse to have non stop jumpscares from this point forward. Yeah, I do like them?

Unknown Speaker  47:36   Well, first of all, it ups the stakes a little bit. Because you know, we're not just waiting for them to get tired and fall asleep. Now things can kind of happen at the at like any moment. And at one point there, they're back at the high school, I think. And that's when we get Nancy seeing the Chris character in the body bag, which is another visual reference to something that happens and the original one, again, not done as well. I totally agree with you. And you definitely are right, that now they've got licensed to throw jumpscares at you at a dizzying pace. So I'll give you that, that that is a noxious byproduct of the micro naps. But I do think that there's some fun to be had with them. And it allows things to happen, like, you know, one character to walk down a hallway and see, you know, scary vision and, and whatever. And it also allows for Quentin to have a micro nap. As he's at his swim meet. I really appreciated how pasty or Kyle Kyle gulnar or whatever it was, he's like really pasty. And you can tell that he's probably doesn't swim. And he's looking really uncomfortable in his little Speedo suit. But you know, he has a micro nap. And he wakes up in like a pool in a warehouse district. Like he just wakes up in this pool. And it's like outside. I mean, I guess it's a dream, so whatever. But then we're sort of treated to the origin quote, unquote, of Fred, where the parents are chasing him into this warehouse room, and they throw Molotov cocktails in the room and burn him alive. And as he's burning alive, he rips off his jacket to expose the striped sweater. Which I felt was it was a real forced reveal of the sweater.

Unknown Speaker  49:44   I'm like, bro, I've been watching your movie for an hour. I already know what his sweater looks like. This is not a reveal. Obviously that's the bad guy. Wait, I need to park on this moment real quick because I know you want to talk about the origin but that swim meets is the worst scene I've seen in almost any horror movie and it The scene I referenced whenever I talk about this to anyone the guy falls asleep while swimming. He's in the middle of a swim meet and he falls asleep. Someone wrote that and they like put it in a movie. It makes no sense, guys, come on. It's

Unknown Speaker  50:16   it's a micro nap right

Unknown Speaker  50:18   now, he's he just nodded off for a second in the middle of swimming.

Unknown Speaker  50:24   That's how powerful they are.

Unknown Speaker  50:26   You know what I'm gonna stay awake for three days straight just to see I want to see if I can fall asleep while I'm making a sandwich and then just wake up with the sandwich in my mouth. That's actually way more believable than swimming. All right, I've said my piece about this.

Unknown Speaker  50:38   But you guys we didn't we we forgot to talk about this is right before we get into the how Fred was burned with the Molotov cocktails or whatever. We did have that flashback. And I think we would we have to take a moment for this. Where we get to see Fred Krueger as a gardener. Mm hmm. Yeah, he's not. He's not burned. No, Lacy's looks very, very nice. And I got it. He's got like a kind of a strange Southern accent. And he's he's, you know, living in the basement of the preschool. Yes.

Unknown Speaker  51:13   Nothing, nothing weird about that. I mean, you know,

Unknown Speaker  51:16   be there.

Unknown Speaker  51:18   And just the gardener. He lived in the basement of the preschool. And boy, he loved you kids.

Unknown Speaker  51:24   Kids were his life. And we see him just so happy with all the kids.

Unknown Speaker  51:29   You have a job get an apartment. Why are you living in the basement of the school? And how come everyone is okay with this?

Unknown Speaker  51:34   Right? Like, how why were any parents okay with sending their kids to a school where the weirdo gardener lives in the basement? And it's okay. And he he like, it's okay that they go down there and do like art projects with him or

Unknown Speaker  51:50   whatever. Honey, did you fill out that application for the bad ham school? You know, they have their own on premises gardener slash caretakers slash kid blodger. babysitter?

Unknown Speaker  52:04   Yeah. So yeah, it seems a little seems like, you know, Fred got caught doing some stuff. So so they burn him alive. There's a really sort of bad moment where he runs out of the burning building, and he's on fire. But here's, here's my real problem with all of this is, throughout this movie, both before and after this scene, we get boiler room imagery. There's no friggin boiler room in any of this origin. Like he's not in a boiler room. Is he supposed to be in a boiler room and they burn them all? I mean, in the original movie, they burn him alive in a boiler room. And that's why the boiler room is sort of his primary dream, hunting ground. Like that's why he's always drawing people into the boiler room is because that's where he died. This isn't a boiler room. It's like some sort of like relay room. There's like, it's not a boiler room. And this always really bugged me about the movie, like why does he bring children? Why does he bring these teenagers into his dream boiler room, he didn't die in one

Unknown Speaker  53:09   because when he was alive, he always wanted a boiler.

Unknown Speaker  53:15   Like one day, I'm gonna move out of this preschool basement, the boiler room and My dream is

Unknown Speaker  53:21   to a suite boiler room.

Unknown Speaker  53:24   And your parents denied me that I'm gonna kill you all.

Unknown Speaker  53:29   You're totally right, it I it makes no sense in this movie, because because the answer to your question anytime you have a question, it's because that's what happened in the original right, I'll just do it again. But I come back to the point that the director doesn't actually like the movie. So he doesn't care about answering these things with any detail.

Unknown Speaker  53:47   Yeah, it really even when I first saw the movie, and I think I was a lot more forgiving on the movie than probably either view and move upon my first view. Well, no, actually, no, my first viewing I was not forgiving of it because I saw a test screening and it was pretty much resoundingly terrible. And we all gave it terrible marks. But then I saw it again, when it came out, however many months later, and I was like, Well, okay, they kind of improved it like, this is better, you know, good. I'm glad you took my notes.

Unknown Speaker  54:15   If I've learned anything from your from your podcast, it's that instead of just watching good movies, if I just watch the bad ones over and over, I'll start to like them.

Unknown Speaker  54:23   Yeah, I call it force feeding Rodney.

Unknown Speaker  54:27   Yeah, I've seen the Wolf Man 42 times now it's pretty good.

Unknown Speaker  54:32   It's It is hard in this movie. I'll give you that. We then we move on to Nancy watching a video blog because those were pretty hip back then. 2010 we get the Asian actor from the Friday the 13th remake I don't remember his name so I'm sorry.

Unknown Speaker  54:49   it's um it's it's an it well, I don't know what is his name in the I wrote down his name was Martin neon. I think that was his character names character that is Yeah. I don't know what his real name is off the top of my

Unknown Speaker  55:02   head. Anyway, he's in the Friday the 13th remake his main characters, and he's pretty good in that. You know?

Unknown Speaker  55:08   Yeah. No, he's He's good. He's like, kind of this kind of a stoner in that, right? Yes.

Unknown Speaker  55:13   Yeah, I think he's the dude, he gets the screwdriver. And

Unknown Speaker  55:16   here, he just talks into the screen. And then he's, you know, talking about how he can't sleep. And now he's being tormented by Friday. And then he like, smashes his head against the screen. So it's basically a snuff blog, because we are going to assume he's dead after that. And then we sort of get this, you know, Clinton comes back from his dream and he confronts Clancy Brown, who's his father, who is he a guidance counselor, he, he's a teacher at the school, but they never make it clear. There's

Unknown Speaker  55:49   I thought there was a line about him being the guidance counselor.

Unknown Speaker  55:52   That's what I thought, too. That was the only thing I could grasp on to for all i know, he was the principal, I'd have no idea. He and in Nancy confront dad about killing Fred. He says they might have made it up. This is also a frustrating moment in the movie, because at that point, I'm like, Oh, that's a good twist. Like they did it just didn't even happen. Like he was a he was a falsely accused. I feel like if they had gone in that direction, and I'm sure there is a draft of the script, where they did go in that direction, and then they chickened out. But I feel like that was a potentially a good twist that Freddy could have Fred could have been innocent.

Unknown Speaker  56:36   Even though I've seen this before. I'd forgotten that until when it popped up this time. And I was like, Oh, yeah, they're doing a whole like the McMartin trial, you know, type thing that what was that the preschool where you know, that the owners were accused of something? Yeah. Like, they were doing that the satanic panic stuff or whatever. Yeah. Which was all bullshit. So I yeah, I was like, oh, they're gonna do this now because that was the, you know, Quintin and Nancy were, you know, saying to Clancy Brown, we were just kids, we could have said anything, why didn't you go to the police? And I thought, okay, yeah, let's let's get this makes it even better that, you know, he wasn't a creep. Like he was unjustly murdered by the mob.

Unknown Speaker  57:17   Well, and it gives gives Fred a real reason to come after them, which I'd never really felt that he had even in the original film. He's like, why is he it never really made total sense to me. Why Fred is after the kids. And I felt like this cuz

Unknown Speaker  57:34   he's like, you guys totally stop my murder spree. And I'm pissed. So I'm gonna kill your kids. Like,

Unknown Speaker  57:41   I guess that's as good of a reason as any to come back from the dead.

Unknown Speaker  57:46   That's enough. That's sometimes that's all you need.

Unknown Speaker  57:48   Well, I yeah, I just think it would have been a nice layer two, you might have actually sympathized with Fred at that point that you know, when he's coming back for vengeance, because they really screwed him over. But they back out of that the climax, which is kind of lame. Okay, so now, here's where we're going to resume our fight about the micro naps because quainton has run out of his pharmaceutical speed. So they go to the pharmacy. And so that we had get this whole sort of set piece that takes place in the pharmacy where Quentin's trying to get his drugs, the pharmacist isn't going to let him have his drugs, Nancy's having micro naps in the car, and she burned, you know, she's got to burn herself with the car lighter, to stay awake. And then she goes into the pharmacy. And I think this is the best scene in the movie, for one reason, because it's not doing anything that was done in the original and doing it poorly. Because I think it's really cool despite the presence of the boiler room. I think it's really cool when she's sort of toggling in between. As Fred's coming down the the aisle and he's swiping in the dream and stuffs falling off the aisles shelves as he swiping. I feel like they really use the micro nap idea really effectively there to make a cool scene. Something we haven't seen before and A Nightmare on Elm Street film Rodney Tell me why I'm wrong.

Unknown Speaker  59:17   Because the scenes not really that good, because like, I like that she's attacked at the drugstore. But first of all, she knows she's being hunted by this like, vicious dream killer, but she keeps refusing any kind of drugs that will keep her awake, which is really weird. And then on top of that, he's like, I'm gonna go into the well lit drugstore. Do you want to come with me? She's like, now I'll just sit in the quiet dark car where I totally won't fall asleep. So it's already not making sense. But it also is when she gets attacked. Oh my god, how you know, like, it's the it's the way the editing is right? It's again, it's that opposite of being subtle. It's it's like cutting back and forth between the reality and the dream. Yeah, it's quality swipes and like knock some shit off the shelf. It's just like i don't know i think that i think the movie is so mediocre up to this point that you're just happy that Freddy Krueger slash nadder Are you

Unknown Speaker  1:00:10   saying me personally? Are you saying yes you know I honestly I honestly think there's some like clever filmmaking there I think it's a clever conceit it just i think it's it's got a level of ingenuity to it that I appreciate and so desperately craving in this movie.

Unknown Speaker  1:00:31   Well actually, I think I said to you when we were watching this I was like, Oh, I this is this is like the one thing that I remember from watching this before is because I remember the the scene I remember with the with the cigarette lighter in the car and everything. And I do also I have to tell you Rodney I was frustrated as hell the entire time with her not partaking in some sort of drugs of some sort. Because Yeah, thank you. Come on. Like Yeah, no that that was frustrating for me as well cuz I'm just like, I you know, I don't know what your deal is as to why you won't do this. And I trust me I get it. I come from a place of that as well. But we're dealing with Fred and micro naps. Well at least Nancy in the original she's like popping like no sleep or whatever like yeah

Unknown Speaker  1:01:17   oh don't know dose or whatever. All it's not on Naka. Nagas. Yes. Funny. Yeah, but I forget what it's called, like, no sleep or can't

Unknown Speaker  1:01:27   sleep. Yeah. Or something. Yeah.

Unknown Speaker  1:01:28   So yeah, she should least be doing like five hour energy drinks like crazy or whatever. Isn't that what the kids like to do? Get all hopped up on those, like snort Red Bull. Yeah, they should have done that.

Unknown Speaker  1:01:41   You forgot to mention important thing, which is that they tell you if you if you if you don't sleep for like 70 hours, you'll go into a coma that lasts forever. And then that's important later,

Unknown Speaker  1:01:52   I totally forgot that I that's one of those things that is just glossed over me even though I've seen this movie more times than any human being should be legally allowed to see it. But it does come back later. But I did not read forever register that they set that up in there. It's

Unknown Speaker  1:02:09   like when they're doing all their research, right? Okay, when they're using when they're using gigablast.

Unknown Speaker  1:02:14   I was just so hyped up on gigablast and micro naps that I just went right over my head.

Unknown Speaker  1:02:19   I kind of want to do like a comprehensive listing of fake search engines for movies and like what's the best what's the what's the champion? It might be gigabit and

Unknown Speaker  1:02:28   then start it like may do it as a start up and beat Google become masters of the universe.

Unknown Speaker  1:02:34   To be fair, I don't want to shit all over this drugstore scene. I'm going to go back after this and just rewatch that part because like maybe it's maybe I'm being a little harsh on it. You both seem pretty, pretty excited. And there are parts in the movie that are cool. Maybe this is one of them. So I'll I'm willing to give you the benefit of the doubt here. Even though I watched it last night and can't remember it. I appreciate

Unknown Speaker  1:02:52   that you're giving this movie any props at all, because I expected this to be a bloodbath. Or now we're down to our final two Quinten and Nancy, she gets cut and they so they go to the hospital. And did you did you recognize the nurse from the hospital do Did either of you recognize who this is?

Unknown Speaker  1:03:10   I had that moment of like she looks familiar, but no idea. She

Unknown Speaker  1:03:13   is the actress who played the original April O'Neil in the first Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles movie that Oh, yeah, she was the original April how exciting. I wasn't, I wasn't a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles guy. But I did put those together. They go back to give Nancy pain meds because the mom signs as Connie Britton signs off on it. Right and let me ask you this, What is she saying? She's like signing her over to like a mental institution or something? Or is it just to give her pain meds?

Unknown Speaker  1:03:47   It didn't seem like that, because like, they kind of do like a long shot on the document that she's signing. And I was looking at it and I'm like, it just I don't know. I mean, if that's what they were implying is like we're going to let you commit her something right? It said, I hereby swear that I did not burn a man alive for molesting my daughter

Unknown Speaker  1:04:07   20 years ago.

Unknown Speaker  1:04:10   No, it is the top something like permission to administer medical care. Yeah, I assume it's basically like I hereby give permission for you to like forcibly inject my daughter with sleeping meds

Unknown Speaker  1:04:20   right which Why do we need to have a shot of the document there? It's so they put emphasis on the document which was strange because if that's all it is, then who cares? We don't need to see this document. But then we get the moment where former April O'Neil goes to injector and she lifts up her hand and knows she's got the Freddie claw. Which

Unknown Speaker  1:04:40   micro nap

Unknown Speaker  1:04:42   Yeah, we'll see good use of micro nap there. You don't get that without a micro nap. No serie Bob.

Unknown Speaker  1:04:49   Yeah, Quinten like, grab some adrenaline out of a drawer. And like, dude, I watched this movie like 24 hours ago, and I don't remember what happens. They like yeah, they run in the car. And he's like, no, they

Unknown Speaker  1:04:58   just didn't even show them right Now that just shows them in the car when they come back to the room Nancy's gone CUT TO they're in the car and Winton's busting out the adrenaline to shoot it up, right. Like we don't even know how they get out.

Unknown Speaker  1:05:09   It's one of those like, I don't worry about it. There's we just need to get to the next scene. They get away. Okay, yeah. Yeah. So he quit and juices up in the leg up. And of course, I mean, you guys picked up right? His name is Quentin Quentin Tarantino. Epic shot. I don't understand the reference. There's a director named Quentin Tarantino who directed some pretty famous films over the last 25 years or so. And one of them featured very prominently in adrenaline adrenaline shot sequence, you should check it out. It's called Pulp Fiction. It's pretty good.

Unknown Speaker  1:05:45   Oh, interesting. Oh, yeah. I'll put on the list. Thank you.

Unknown Speaker  1:05:47   Yeah, yeah. So Clinton shoots up in his leg. They have their sort of tender moment where they're driving to the abandoned preschool in Quint Nasser out on a real date. And I liked this line, she sort of puts him off and he says, Well, why don't you sleep on it? And I was like, Alright, clever writing there. But then Fred shows up because they micro nap, I guess for a second and then they drive off the road. They've got to walk the rest of the way to the school.

Unknown Speaker  1:06:17   How did Quinten micro nap after he just shot himself up with adrenaline? Like, yeah, that was my one thing was I was like, I mean, maybe he's just that tired. I don't know. I mean, I'm not going to nitpick things. But I really, that was my honest thought was like, didn't he just take this adrenaline?

Unknown Speaker  1:06:34   Yeah, I'm gonna nitpick too, because the same thing happens when she burns herself with a lighter, like, your arm would hurt so bad that the whole point of doing it is so you can stay awake for like maybe 20 more minutes. So why go through all this? Like they get adrenaline in the injection his leg? If it doesn't have a purpose,

Unknown Speaker  1:06:49   fair enough. I think they're just trying to sort of set things up and then do reversals and then set things up. You know, I get it. It's definitely doesn't make total sense. But I also see they're trying to keep you engaged, like with things so but yeah, it doesn't really make sense. What also doesn't make sense is that this creepy fucking school is not been turned into like Kultury condos or something. It's still there. With the paint peeling off the wall and like creepy kid artwork all over the wall. You know, look, it's a horror movie. We need to have our climax take place in someplace creepy. You know, they set it up that this preschool was the place of you know, where all these terrible things happened, but it's sort of ridiculously art directed in that way that would never happen in real life. And then they find Fred's molesting cave, like they find his bedroom first, which still has his bed in it.

Unknown Speaker  1:07:48   Here's the thing that I don't understand, right? Because they make a big point about how they never went to the cops. And they just like, assumed he was molesting their kids. So the implication is that this place was closed down because you know of what Fred Krueger did. But from the perspective of reality, Fred Krueger just disappeared one day didn't come to work. So wouldn't have done the maintenance crew go downstairs and they like his like, his knife glove is still sitting on the table. Right? Right. It. It's literally like they're like, how can we run this place without good old Fred Krueger doing the lawn, close it down, just close it down? Shelly, they locked the front door and left,

Unknown Speaker  1:08:27   right, one of one of two things would have happened. One, people would have found out about these horrible things, and they would have torn the place down. or two, no one would have found out about these things. And they would have just kept the place running and turned his bedroom into another classroom or you know, it would still be a school. What wouldn't? It doesn't make sense that now it's the haunted town haunted house or whatever. It's not the Michael Meyers house, you know, I mean, it's like it shouldn't. That doesn't make sense. Because you're right, they don't go to the cops. So nobody should know that this was a horrible place.

Unknown Speaker  1:09:02   But I'll just assume that like they didn't pay their county taxes on time. And so the county just kicked them all out and chained it up.

Unknown Speaker  1:09:08   So they, they they find his bedroom, which still has his gross bed in it, which will actually come into play later. And then they find his creepy molesting cave, which is sort of another room in there. You know, and and just to put it out there, you know, we're making light a lot of this but we do are not making light of, you know, child abuse in any way. This is what makes the movie. I think, ultimately, no fun. I mean, I can deal with this in a horror movie context, if we're talking about something that's, you know, really hard and serious or whatever, but we're trying to have fun here with the thing about Freddy Krueger is that there's a fun element to him. And when you introduce this into it, like the fun is gone. Now he's just a disgusting creep, and I'm not on his side in any way, the way that you are with your favorite horror franchise characters where, you know, you secretly are on Jason's side and you're secretly with me at this point, you're just not on his side. And I think this is truly the tragic flaw of this film.

Unknown Speaker  1:10:16   I 100% had that same feeling and this is also your, your so you're possibly on his side, because only of what was mentioned earlier or alluded to that this was like, the kids had lied about it, right? Yeah. So then, like, at that point, you're like, fuck him up Friday. Like, you know, these kids lied like you were you were wrongly murdered by this mob. And then now, here's the like, the pitchers yuck, that are you know, he, he didn't do it. Like he's after them. Like the lion Clinton says, it's like, he's not after us. Because we lied. He's after us. Because we told the truth. And that just yeah, it's just that whatever you were hanging on to that this film was going somewhere, like, you just really feel like the wind just go right out of the sails. So it's like, and to make it even worse, Fred wants them to remember his abuse of them. Like that's specifically cited as his motivation that he wants him to remember. So it's sort of gross layer upon gross layer. So much gross. And just so like, just it's like there's nowhere to go. You can't go nowhere to go from here.

Unknown Speaker  1:11:32   A tiny detail earlier in that when you see the flashback of the Miss kids. There's like a shot of young Chris the blonde girl and you see that like her back has been like clawed and she's got scars on her back. So this this notion that like maybe they made it up is fucking nonsense cuz like she clearly came home with her back carved up, and you know, her dress torn up. So like, it's like the movies not even sure if it's trying to pull that joke on you or not. But Sebastian, you're totally right. I'm with Jason. I want to watch Jason murder a bunch of people, right? But like, it's hard to root for the dude that like raped a bunch of little kids. Like, that's messed up. And, and I'm a big fan of messed up content, like, give me the messed up stuff. But like, this movie just feels like it's going a little too far. And the fact that he keeps like bringing it up, it's just like, it makes it feel so icky. That you can no longer have fun. You're totally right.

Unknown Speaker  1:12:25   They have like a moment in one of the flashbacks where they show Jackie Earle Haley holding up gardener claw like that's where he got the idea to make the claw and I don't know or maybe he was climbing them with that not the knife hand but then they find the knife hand which is also not really set up in this movie. In the original movie. That's the weapon he used. And he right he put those in the furnace of the boiler room that he was burned in and they find you know, I think the mom still has them in the boiler room, their boiler at home or whatever so they really set up the knife hands whereas in this is Did he really have that knife hand glove in real life? Or is that just part of his dream persona and it was the gardening tool in real life? It's not made no

Unknown Speaker  1:13:21   because because when they go down into the basement Quinten and Rooney are sorry Nancy. On the on the table there's like one of the knife fingers as though he was like in the midst of assembling it like it was his life like he was like pretty soon my knife glove will be ready to go wherever those meddling at all.

Unknown Speaker  1:13:39   Right, so maybe he never got to finish his night knife glove project. And

Unknown Speaker  1:13:45   I think I think that's what it is.

Unknown Speaker  1:13:46   Okay, okay, well, that that tracks

Unknown Speaker  1:13:49   I think even in the original or I think it's the original though don't we actually see him making his

Unknown Speaker  1:13:54   glove? It's the opening looks like

Unknown Speaker  1:13:56   it's a whole thing. Yeah, that's what I remember with like the fire and he's like putting his glove together. Yes. So yeah, I see exactly. I mean, like there's so much care and detail going into like the glove history. Yeah. And the original that it's just to be so like brushed over now. And just yeah, it's it's it falls short to also mention more talking about the yuck going into once these Polaroids are found and that whole thing happens like the yuck gets dialed up so high, like all the up lines just start coming.

Unknown Speaker  1:14:30   Yeah, I emphasize that. It's hard to offend me. And this this scene really offended me like there's like multiple moments. I was like, that's gross like that. Take that out.

Unknown Speaker  1:14:40   Well, And to make matters worse, we go into the basic setup of the climax which is similar to the original, or Nancy, as you figured out earlier in the pharmacy. She pulled out a little piece of Fred's sweater, so she knows that she can bring some corporeal element of him out into reality. So she's going to go into sleep. Quentin is going to watch her. She's gonna grab Fred and pull him out. So she goes to his gross molester bed, goes to sleep. Quentin grabs a paper cutter blade off of an old paper cutter that's lying around to do some Fred killin. But of course, you know, it's stupid Clinton falls asleep. So we go into this big final dream sequence. We're both Nancy and Quentin are both sleeping. So they're sort of both dealing with the dream world. Quinn ends up in the boiler room that Fred never was burned alive in and he throws him around and he slashes them pretty bad in the chest. But then Nancy calls out and because Fred has kept telling her you have always been my favorite. You know, so he's really got a mad boner for so he goes chasing after and, you know, there's we get sort of a replay in some ways of the climax of the original film. At one point, she's in the original Nancy's running up the stairs and her feet sink into the stairs. And this time, she's running down a hallway and then she falls into like the rug and it's all bloody water, whatever.

Unknown Speaker  1:16:18   I like this part. Because Because Because he has one of the better lines here and he goes, how's that for a wet dream, right? And I was like, okay,

Unknown Speaker  1:16:26   that's one of the only lines that sound like an OTG Robert Anglin line, you know, that's something I could he would definitely have said. But so she falls into that falls into the water and falls through the floor and into her own bed at home. And now she's wearing the little girl out dress that she used to wear and this is where it really for me. This is where it gets really gross. No,

Unknown Speaker  1:16:54   I like the part where she falls through the ceiling too. It's a little CG. But this whole sequence with the bloody hallway while it's brief, I will give credit where credit's due I was like that part was well done.

Unknown Speaker  1:17:05   I also know I just was also I like the sequence with the hallway I like when she falls into her bed. I also appreciated that Quentin fashioned a weapon out of one of those giant paper cutters because those things have always anytime in an office or whatever. I'm like this thing is crazy. I'm just glad to see somebody using it as a weapon because it is and then totally like the Glenn before him. You know he did the Amash comes back again or you know that that'll happens. But I was here for all that it was fine. It was Nancy in the baby dress, where I just was like, I just can't, I can't and this is one more grow. Like, I actually took notes of the things because I was like, these are all so gross. Like, your mouth says no, but your body says yes. And I just wrote barf. Because it was just like, it's just so yuck. It's so yuck. And then he she, when she first runs into Friday, she says fuck you to him. And he says, that's a little fast for me. Why don't we just hang first and

Unknown Speaker  1:18:08   it's just like, and then he shows her bodies hanging on in the boiler room. That's just terrible. And I like it. And I like puns, you know, but this is just not it's not okay, none of this is okay. And he you know, he's running his one of his knife fingers like upwards skirt. And they it's it's really I won't say shocking, but it's it's surprising that this was a creative decision that they decided to go with because to rod knees point of director, whoever not really understanding the what people like about this series. You know, this is not what people like about the Nightmare on Elm Street series. This is not what they want to see Freddie doing.

Unknown Speaker  1:18:55   I think they really are just trying to be like, yo, let's like, we're gonna earn that our rating so hard, people are gonna love it. It just has aged really poorly. Also from like, I mean, this, why I brought up the coma thing is because the implication that he basically says here, right is like, I basically have kept you awake for all this time, specifically, so you would fall into a permanent coma. And I could just like, have you for eternity in your dream state? Yeah. Which is like, really creepy. But also, I have a I have a question I have to ask. That's a little icky. But like, if Fred Krueger is into kids, why is he into 18 year old Rooney Mara, right? Like, that doesn't really even make sense within the logic of the film.

Unknown Speaker  1:19:40   Yep. And that sort of occurred to me too, although I did, like I did. That was when he says that, about having her trapped there forever. That at least was a moment in the movie where I kind of got a little bit of like, Oh, you know, I mean, just because the idea I get sort of Things like that where I you know, concepts where people are going to be trapped like, find murder me stab me with a fucking machete cut off my head. It's all good. That's gonna be like two seconds and we're over but the idea of, you know keeping me in your dream world for forever and you know tormenting me is that that actually gives me kind of a bit of a chill. But yeah, it doesn't you're right it doesn't really track with the whole child molester idea that he be just as jazzed to do it to her now, I mean, they could have had her regress to a younger age in the dream like Why does she have to be that age and the dream but I I'm sure that was a bridge too far that they weren't even willing to go to go for

Unknown Speaker  1:20:47   even you hearing you describe it is making me uncomfortable. Yeah. Right. Like, well, there's maybe you should have directed there's no,

Unknown Speaker  1:20:54   there's just nowhere to go with that idea. Unfortunately, you know, I mean, I think they just they, it was a bad idea. They shouldn't have gone there at all.

Unknown Speaker  1:21:02   Like, I feel like if they thought that they were going to be edgy, or try to let you know, it's 2010 and we're just going to really, you know, earn their rating, like you said, or, you know, just try to have like a shock value. It just, it just came off dislike this. This this really poor taste like it just doesn't. It doesn't work. It doesn't work with what this film is.

Unknown Speaker  1:21:23   There's a little part of me that applauds them for trying to be gross. Yeah, they just fail at it.

Unknown Speaker  1:21:29   Yeah, it just doesn't work.

Unknown Speaker  1:21:30   I think that what they're what they misunderstand, and what a lot of people misunderstand about this slasher genre, especially when you're dealing with sort of supernatural characters, or supernatural adjacent characters like Freddy, Jason and Michael, is that it's more a fantasy thing in when you become a fan of these movies, you end up becoming a fan of the characters, even though they're reprehensible and horrible murderers. It's sort of similar to the way you feel about superheroes or you know, other fantasy characters. You don't want them to tethered due to the terrible horrible things that really happen in real life. It's fine for them to stab people and hack them apart. That's the craved part of us that is satisfied, but we don't want to see really horrible atrocities occur at the hands of these characters. They are in some weird way fantasy figures to us and we don't want to see that.

Unknown Speaker  1:22:34   Well said you some that are very well

Unknown Speaker  1:22:37   basically, you know, Nancy stabs Fred and then I with something but you know, he can't die in this world. If we do get the line. I'm, I'm your boyfriend now. Which you know, of course is a call back to the original question tries to wake her up, she won't wake up. So we get this scene where he shoots her in the heart with the adrenaline calling back to pulp fiction. This wakes her up and she drags Fred into reality. You know, they fight in reality, which is you know, pretty satisfying. At that point. She cuts off his hand with the paper cutter blade, and then slashes his throat and she says you're in my world now bitch. Which decent line I feel like that might have been said in one of the other movies but I'm not sure one of the other nightmare movies but I'm not sure yeah and that's basically it they burn the the creepy school and

Unknown Speaker  1:23:37   again Yeah,

Unknown Speaker  1:23:39   like learn from your fucking past. Also, why like they now have proof of like the burned dream killer that they fought in recount reality. Why don't they like take pictures call the cops be like, Look, we found Fred Krueger. Right? Like, it would help explain anything that they might need to explain right in case they're gonna be accused of murder. But they're like not let's just burn it all

Unknown Speaker  1:24:02   will not only So wait, so his body is still there right after they kill him.

Unknown Speaker  1:24:07   Yeah, she like cuts. She slashes his neck up and he like bleeds to death. And he's just dead body on the floor.

Unknown Speaker  1:24:13   Right. So like for the sequel? They should have not burned down the building. They should have called the police. They should have explained to them. Look, this is a guy that's been dead for. I don't know how many years? Like 15 years right? I guess there'd be no way to way to prove that because they never I guess found his body to begin with.

Unknown Speaker  1:24:33   They could do like carbon dating, I guess.

Unknown Speaker  1:24:35   But then you could do a whole sequel where like now we're dealing with a reality where you can like pull people out of dreams. Like what does that mean? Then you've got your dream warriors and all that. So yeah, missed opportunity there. But uh, so yeah, that's basically it until we get our Stinger seen where Nancy and mom returned home. And there's a mirror and Freddie's in the mirror. In the mirror, and he throws his claws out of the mirror and and they go right through mom's the back of mom's head out the front of her face. And her her eyeballs are on the tips of his fingers and it's really dumb. Yeah,

Unknown Speaker  1:25:16   it's literally just like the movie ends with a sign that says fuck you go home. Like, so. It's so like, to be fair, I think most nightmare I know she'd films and with like, this ridiculous Stinger that sort of like non canon,

Unknown Speaker  1:25:29   you know, a first movie has a terrible one. It's terrible. Yeah. So I mean, it's no worse than that. If we're being brutally honest.

Unknown Speaker  1:25:39   The first one is now the one where she gets like, sucked through the door. No, that's when she gets in a car.

Unknown Speaker  1:25:43   Yes, yeah. Oh, right. Mom does

Unknown Speaker  1:25:46   right. She gets in the car. The car like is a convertible that closes up

Unknown Speaker  1:25:50   with that has dried in there. It's got Freddie's sweater painted on it basically, on right comfortable roof.

Unknown Speaker  1:25:57   And then mom gets sucked through the What do you call it like the people

Unknown Speaker  1:26:01   know, it's like the, it's like glam. And

Unknown Speaker  1:26:05   it's a fancy name. I don't know, the glass above the door. That's like super small. So it's like, it's not for a person to be pulled through.

Unknown Speaker  1:26:13   Yeah, she suddenly becomes like an inflatable sex doll. And then,

Unknown Speaker  1:26:17   yeah, yanked through the tiny window in the door. So it's not like they had a lot to live up to here, because that's pretty terrible. But this is terrible, too. And then we get dream by the Everly Brothers or whatever, for the end credits. And that's basically the Nightmare on Elm Street remake. So let's move on to closing thoughts. Let's start with the positives. I'm going to say that I think this movie looks decent. It's decently you know, the production values are good. We forgot to mention the scene where Chris is in the classroom. And she has her dream. It's mirroring a scene from the original, which is done more gritty and better. But you know, there's suddenly she's in this dolt, you know, dilapidated, post apocalyptic classroom. And that's when we first get a good look at Fred at the chalkboard, there are some moments of nice computer generated imagery, that sort of hint at the potential of what a movie like this could be. Just in terms of production, design and production values, I think it's fine. Although I do agree that none of the dream sequences are as good as they could be. I think the actors overall were good. I think the film looks good. There's, you know, it doesn't look like it was, you know, poorly made. I don't mind the callbacks to the original. I mean, they're, they're, you know, beat for beat there at some spots. But you know, it's, it's fine. It's a remake. It's not, I'm not upset about it. But that's, that's what they're doing. You know, that those are, those are the positives, there's the scenes that stood out, like the pharmacy scene. I do like the scene that you just mentioned, as well with when she's learning about Sparta and and in the classroom, and we get to see Fred for the first time and his fingers on the chalkboard and all that stuff. Yeah, I mean, I'll go into what I didn't like, but there definitely are things that I like about it,

Unknown Speaker  1:28:23   you know, I think it's a case of liking by default. Right? It there's nothing in this movie that I will like want to show to somebody and say you've got to see this scene or this moment or this shot, because there's nothing in the movie that rises to excellence. Right However, there are there are things that are not bad or need to be shit upon like it is shot very professionally, this is clearly a they had a budget they had a good dp. The director has a pretty good eye, I would say half of the movie, there's some good stylish shit like some of the boiler room sequences the way the framing in the framing is done. I thought the the partner she's in the bloody body bag look great. Some of the kills wealth too fast, are very gory and violent. And I applaud that because that's sort of the reason you come to these movies. Right? And, and again, there were a couple one liners that I liked and, and having Clancy Brown in your movie is a plus for me every time I've he literally can't be in a bad Well, he can be in a bad movie, but he's never bad. So I think on my second viewing this time, it was a lot less offensive than I remembered it being I can I can say that, you know, but again, I don't think there's anything about this movie except maybe the part of the dude cuts his throat at the beginning that I thought was truly badass.

Unknown Speaker  1:29:41   What do you think went wrong here? creatively, I feel like I've sort of my main gripes with it creatively or the decision to back out of the idea that Fred is after them out of revenge because they lied. And then to go full child molester like, you know Go full child molester.

Unknown Speaker  1:30:01   I was thinking about was watching the movie. And I kept thinking I was trying to put my finger on. Why is this movie bad? And part of it falls under the category of like, just it's so bland. It's forgettable, right? But I, I now know what the problem is. And the problem is, in all the other Nightmare on Elm Street films, the dream sequences are these set pieces to themselves. They're like little short films, right? That you look forward to? Yeah, it's like, oh, you realize that person is dreaming. Some dread comes, Brady gets them turns into a fucking worm, or he like turns into a TV set. You know, like, the turns the one dude into a puppet with like, you know, the veins and shit. And that's why you come to the movie. But this version does away with that, because of the micro naps. It says we're not doing dream sequences. We're just here to have like, a scary guy with knives jump out of shadows. And so you are actually undoing the very thing that everybody wants. Right? Like, that's, that's all you actually want out of a Freddy Krueger movie. I don't care about his backstory, I don't even care about him killing people with the glove. I'd rather he doesn't kill anyone with the glove. And in this movie, it's the only way he kills anyone. And I think that's the biggest sin the movie makes is that it it takes the premise of a man who gets you in your dreams, and basically just turns him into a dude who stabs you with his hand in your dreams. Like, that's lame, guys. It's lame. What is our argue, I think in arguably the greatest horror movie killer premise of all time that a guy kills you in your dreams because that you can't not sleep. So there's, I mean, there I don't think there's ever been a better initial premise of a slasher movie. And I and I agree, I will maybe back down from the defense of the micro naps, just because you make a good point there. I think if they had done new dream sequences, and done the micro naps, I think there could have been something at least to make this stand out and be a little more memorable. Yeah. And, and again, I acknowledge, I acknowledge what you're saying that they put the micro naps in to try to up the ante and make it be like, Oh, he can come anytime I get that I just, I just think that they it's a missed opportunity. You know, like, you're gonna have a whole sequence in a swimming pool where the kid falls asleep. Let's make it a big sequence, you know, like really bad at it. But instead, it's over like that all the dream sequences start and then the person wakes up or they get killed. I understand that you want to recreate the first movie, but like, you're you're totally right, there is no better idea for a slasher film. Like, sooner or later, you're gonna fall asleep. And this guy is going to get you and going all the way back to the beginning this conversation when I said that all of the Freddy movies are like, up and down. And some of them are really bad, and some are really good. They all have really great death sequences. That's the thing. Even the worst of the movies have these nightmare scenes that you're like, Oh, that's twisted, you know? Yeah. And, and this movie is just like, I don't care about that part. I care more about telling you the backstory of how maybe this guy was a pedophile. But wink wink, he was so big shocker. Like, like, whether he's whether he was a pedophile or not. He's still murdering people from the beginning of this movie. So he's clearly the bad guy. So why are we making a mystery movie out of it? You

Unknown Speaker  1:33:30   know, if they announced, which I imagine one day they will, that they are going to try this again. I'm sure it won't be with Jackie Earle Haley or anything like that. Or Platinum dunes if they even exist anymore. Would you be interested in seeing it, Jennifer? Absolutely. Always. Neil got a hope for the best expect the worst and hope for the best. That's that's how I roll So yeah, I would totally go see reboot of this again in the theater. Absolutely. Give it a shot now. Just when they announced this movie, apparently he did. Screen tests with Kevin Bacon as Freddy Krueger before Jackie Earle Haley, which I actually think could work in a weird way at least Kevin Bacon has the sort of build and you know he's lanky and and you could do cool stuff with his makeup in his face. I also remember people banding around the name of Ben Foster, from you know, six feet under and he's actually in 30 days of night and stuff. I think he could have been he could be a good he's got a good creepy vibe. I think he could be a good Freddy Krueger. Rodney, would you be up for another attempt at this? Are you just gonna dig in your heels and say don't ever try to do this again?

Unknown Speaker  1:34:53   No as a like, Look, I I'm a horror fan. I I go see everything right like always Honestly, I have no idea why these large franchises don't just make make a new one every year. Like if I ran the studio, every fucking Halloween, maybe every 18 months, you would have a new fresh Nightmare on Elm Street film and a new fray a 13th. at like, like saw did it for like eight years in a row. Right? And like, Dude, it's not that hard. Like, I promise I'll come up, I'll come to your mediocre dream killer movie every fucking Halloween. Why is it take so long? Yeah, I'd like it to be a little better. But yeah, I will go to the next 10 remakes of this film franchise. I was

Unknown Speaker  1:35:34   just gonna say it is utterly baffling that they can't get these things. I mean, I think a lot in the case of the Friday the 13th series, it's because there's some sort of rights issues like going on. That's fair. I mean, that one's a no brainer. I put a guy in a hockey mask. I mean, what is the big deal?

Unknown Speaker  1:35:55   Three of us. If the three of us were arguing over the money, I'd be like, Look, guys, can we disagree every year that we argue we're not making any so how about we just split it three ways, right? We make we make one every year. Let's just churn them out. They act like everyone doesn't like Freddy Krueger, because they had a bad Critical response to this movie. Right? And it's like, No, we didn't like your movie. Try again. Do it again. Right? Yeah, you can start over be like Spider Man. Just keep starting over until you get it right again. Right. However I disagree with I read some articles about Kevin Bacon being interested in the role. And I gotta tell you, I think the misconception is that everyone thinks of Robert England is Freddy Krueger, but he became famous because of the role. Right? He wasn't a famous actor. And I think the minute you put a famous actor in the role of Freddy Krueger, the audience can't stop looking at him as the actor I kept seeing Jackie Earle Haley, just finally someone I don't know and make that the new Freddy Krueger and fill the rest of the cast with famous people.

Unknown Speaker  1:36:56   I think there's a sort of middle ground where you could get a character actor, somebody like Ben Foster, who most people don't really know who he is. I mean, Robert England was a character actor, he would been in other movies. It's not known. I mean, he's in, you know, a galaxy of terror and all sorts of stuff before he became Freddy Krueger. So I mean, I think Will anybody ever live up to Robert England? Probably not.

Unknown Speaker  1:37:21   That that's, that's the problem. It's it. They're, they're such big boots to fill, you know. And it's impossible to play that role without inviting everyone to compare you to Robert England.

Unknown Speaker  1:37:33   But but it I mean, I think it with the right person, it can be done where you can have, you know, both versions, both actors, you know, living in a world where you you can just enjoy both of them. Like I feel that way about having Bill skarsgard play Pennywise you know, it's like, first new Penny wises Tim Curry through the miniseries. And that's who just how I pictured him. And then here comes Bill skarsgard. And I'm like, I love him. And I think he also, you know, at least at that time, was probably toeing that line of not being, you know, super well known, but had done some notable things. And so he was able to slide into that and do his own take on it. And I am now you know, I like both versions. So I think it can be done. I think that that comparison is pretty good. But I also feel that, you know, there was only one attempted it before they made another one. Even though people were kind of hung up on Tim Curry's version. It wasn't like Nightmare on Elm Street where we got you know, six or seven whatever movies with one guy I think it's you know, the more more movies you make with one person, the harder it is for people to shake that I think people of our generation will never get over Robert England, I don't think there will there will ever be a version that will be able to compete with him. But I think it's such a strong idea that the temptation to not reenter introduce this character to a new generation is, you know, it's way too too much. You know, they're going to try it again. Because it's just such a good idea. And you know, I know those movies still exist and and young people can go and find them and watch them but like, Come on, let's let's be real. They don't want to do that.

Unknown Speaker  1:39:26   So there's money to be made in them Freddie and that Freddy sweater. That's basically what I'm saying.

Unknown Speaker  1:39:32   Yeah, I I'll back down on this, they easily could find a more well known actor who still just does a different version. I think you got to just get away from the Freddy Krueger. I'm so used to like I remember thinking, Heath Ledger was the worst idea ever to play.

Unknown Speaker  1:39:47   Oh, I did too. I was like, What?

Unknown Speaker  1:39:49   Really? Yep. And then we all saw the movie and we all went I apologize. I'm really sorry. You You're amazing. So I genuinely think someone out that maybe it is kevin bacon bacon. Maybe it is better. Foster well I guess we'll find out one day because they're gonna make another one that there's no way they just leave this where they left it.

Unknown Speaker  1:40:07   Well let's hope they do a better job but anyway thank you guys for being on this episode and I want to wish you both the sweetest of dreams.

Unknown Speaker  1:40:27   That about does it today for Tentpole Trauma. If you like what you heard, check out our social media presence on Instagram, Facebook and Twitter. Just look for Tentpole Trauma. That was easy, wasn't it? If you like us, hit subscribe, and leave us a sterling review on iTunes. If you dare. If you really like us, head over to patreon.com and get involved in one of our fabulous tears. You'll be glad you did. Want to communicate with Tentpole Trauma, send an email to Tentpole trauma@gmail.com we'd love to hear from you. And who knows, one day you may even get your email read on one of our shows.

Unknown Speaker  1:41:15   Thanks for listening, and we'll see you real soon.

[sunfish999]

Types of People, Kpop ver.

tag yourself haha enjoy

BTS

enjoy Starbucks, typically get an Americano. actually like snakes and most animals. read fantasy romance novels, and that goes for movies as well. when gardening, they prefer flowers, and like the aesthetic of a color scheme. “I’m in love with Khalid”. yellow walls, acrylic paints on wood. starry nights and writing fanfiction at 4:30am. can be bossy but is logical and fair when making decisions. screams at the tv during sports games.

BAP

stealing roses from a neighbors garden. passionate about anything they set their minds to. is sort of basic but in a cute way. lying in bed all day, quilts made by a grandmother. orange lotus soap with a basil scent. writing song lyrics or sheet music, playing the ukelele painted with flowers by your best friend. listens to depressing emo music but somehow it motivates them. cliche daydreams about crushes, can’t get over them even after being rejected. frilly socks and black tights. chipped purple nail polish. 

VIXX 

very sweet, into astrology. carries a picture of their little nephew in a leather wallet. clear phone case with the space gray iphone 8. likes holding hands with family members, friends, and lovers. lives near the ocean and always has sand between their toes. salty hair. a fresh, lemon scent with a hint of lavender. prefers pinterest over tumblr. “Jon Bellion is SO underrated”. very organized but has lots of things. black doc martens with doodles in gel pen. carries unscented chapstick everywhere.  

MONSTA X

tries to be an emo kid but really isn’t. has a lot of money but saves it all for ‘charity’ or ‘college’. aces school but always sleeps in class. mcdonalds all the way. laying in the grass on a sunny day. has some acne but is beautiful anyway. your average alternative music taste. down to earth, grows vegetables for their families. upside down herbs hanging from the kitchen window. is super athletic and most likely plays basketball. really good hearing but can’t see for shit. round glasses that are mismatched. 

EXO

singing in the shower, loudly, along with the music on your ipod. brushing your teeth with kids crest toothpaste. lives in jumpsuits and denim jackets. no one knows but they hate the dark. horror movies ftw. an entire shelf in their bedroom is dedicated to plushies. “yes i have to stand on this chair to take a picture of my food”. family camping trips every summer. plays the clarinet and looks forward to band camp. blasts lofi chill hop music whenever they’re in need of inspiration. pretty hands, no piercings. lives for doing anything with other people, will never hesitate to help out someone in need. 

SHINEE 

super nostalgic, keeps a memory box and still talks to childhood friends. That One Mom Friend. wants to major in psychology. keeps a dream journal and has a tumblr dedicated to psychic research. talks to their dog more than people. huge fluffy white comforter. listens to country music. likes the moments when it’s raining but the sun is out, and most wait for a rainbow but it never appears. doodles on your arms in crayola markers. cheetah print parkas are the way to go in winter. could be in a roller derby or bowling league. 

GOT7 

opening a window during a thunderstorm and just listening. forgetting to write in their diary. pressed wildflowers that are ugly to some but pretty to them. black fountain pens and nothing else. brings a smoothie to class every morning but never forgets fries at lunch. indie music is their jam. covers up the dark circles under their eyes with concealer, since they stay up until 3am. sleeping in super late on weekends and finally feeling refreshed. star of the soccer team and the lead role in the school musical. clumsy but charming. love at first sight. 

NCT 

making pinterest foodie recipes. prints out wikihow pages and keeps them in a notebook with them at all times. could read steven king at night without getting scared. screeches at jump scares but cradles spiders. is the world flat? probably does ballet or works out 24/7. keeps potted plants on their windowsill but can’t figure out why they keep dying. never turns the fan on while showering and then draws figures on the glass. drake is my spirit animal. phone is always at 80% but they never bring a charger anywhere. makes you go on the biggest ride at amusement parks or the biggest slide at waterparks. risk-takers and daredevils. 

BIGBANG 

ironically, watches the big bang theory. and the office. and parks and rec. along with friends. they really enjoy buttery popcorn but skip the salt. listens to 80s music. just above passing grades, hate attention. likes drawing with charcoal on big sketchpads. backhugs for their lover, kisses that send shivers up your spine. silver ring on their middle finger, wears a plaid fannypack everywhere. loves making jokes and is a living meme. lives on a large campus at the uni, works out with friends and is enemies with their roommate. eyebrow piercings and no-makeup makeup. carries a water bottle everywhere. 

DAY6 

works hard in school and their grades reflect that. has social anxiety but no one knows. pretty posters tacked on the walls. graffiti on the bathroom stalls and on train cars. champion chalk artist. always gets ice cream in a dish. two spoons, they love to share. sitting on the roof of a skyscraper and looking at how awake the city is. thrift store shopping. loves reading biographies and watching documentaries. listens to classic rock. 

TWICE

a cat fanatic. watches sherlock, doctor who, and supernatural. is a total geek. makes theories on every tv show ever. can’t fall asleep at night thinking about government conspiracies. gasps when people say they haven’t watched every star wars or read harry potter. “you mean to tell me you don’t know who BILBO BAGGINS is??” stargazing on the roof of your house. spilling tea on your sweater but just shrugging it off. will probably be a best selling author one day. smiles and says ‘have a great day!’ to everyone they see. the guardians of the galaxy soundtrack is everything anyone ever needed.

LOONA 

has a favorite poet. cringes at their freshman year GPA of 3.7. listens to podcasts. carries around an almost ripped rucksack so stuffed with books it’s a miracle it hasn’t burst yet. wants to major in philosophy but minor in math. works in a cafe that sells pastries. studies while perched on cushions that cover the floor of their room. falls asleep in random places. owns a pet bird. sings while baking cookies and played the flute in seventh grade. is fluent in french. 

BLACKPINK 

is into photography. annoys a lot of people but doesn’t let it bother them. smells like sweet perfume. idolizes Audrey Hepburn and owns a book about elegance. it’s on their coffee table. likes vintage hats and wears lace bralettes under everything. owns a record player that continuously plays classic piano records from goodwill. feels like they were born in the wrong generation. tries to capture their emotions with a camera. picks daisies and is an expert at making flower crowns.

RED VELVET 

has a sweet tooth. likes cookies and cakes and candies. desperately wants to travel to london. has an art instagram where they post calligraphy. plays card games every saturday. mornings in the saddle and stroking their horse. collects the eggs from their chickens each morning to make omelets. has quote decals on their walls. dazzling white smile and red lipstick. works as a nanny for the kids down the street. is always tired. listens to slow love songs and teaches ballroom dancing and waltzes. 

F(X)

is cool and they know it. pulls all nighters with ease, handles alcohol well. takes risks only because they have nothing to lose. is dissatisfied with life. predicted their own death and has written their will already. sells old notes and tests to younger students, as well as being an irish literature tutor. likes reading shakespeare. is the heartthrob of the school. stares out the window during class but can answer whatever question the teacher asks. ripped jeans and fishnets is a winning combination. is a black belt in taekwondo. only ever drinks hot chocolate. 

i don’t even know what half of these mean but tag yourself lmao this took years its 3:01am 

[centaurianthropology]

The Magnus Archives ‘A Matter of Perspective’ (S03E26) Analysis

Melanie takes the reins for this outing, and we get a statement that has been hinted at since early season 3.  After that, there are particularly fun revelations, then … well, then.  The good times just can’t last on this show, can they?

Come on in to hear what I thought about ‘A Matter of Perspective.’

It’s interesting to contrast Melanie’s presentation style from Jon and Martin’s.  She very much still has an entertainer’s training and instincts.  She’s the only one who cues herself and gives a clap like she expects cutting and editing after.  And yet she seems as gripped by the personality of the statement as they are. It’s hard to tell where her instinct for entertainment ends and the Archivist begins, but suffice to say she’s blurring the line.  She’s not as deep into it as Martin and Jon, but she feels it.

The statement itself is a different perspective on the Daedalus Station, this time from the elusive Jan Kilbride, who has been referenced several times this season.  He’s clearly someone touched by the Vast, and was picked for the mission quite specifically by ‘Mr Fairchild’, likely Simon Fairchild.  So we’ve had the person picked by the Lukases (totally isolated, saw the Earth vanish), and the Fairchilds (got sent so far out from the Earth he perceived the Vast). That probably means that Manuela was chosen by the People’s Church of the Divine Host.  One wonders what sort of experiment they requested of her.

I love that we got to see Simon Fairchild again, even if only for a moment.  Of all the potential human monsters, I have a soft spot for this guy, who seems to me to be the horrific TMA version of a wacky wizard.  He seems to focus on people who were already drawn to the Vast, and then he gives them far more of it than he could ever want. He’s always struck me as the sort of character who knows perfectly well that most people he throws at the Vast end up dead, but he can’t see why that should be a bad thing.  He’s giving them what they want.  It might not come in a palatable form, but they still did want it, at least at the beginning.  Of all the parties in TMA, he often seems the most jovial in his perspective.

We know that he’s trying to find the Vast, and has been collecting pieces of it, experiences of its various facets.  I have to wonder, then, if Kilbride wasn’t his greatest success.  What Kilbride perceived between the stars, far out beyond our own solar system, seems as close as we’ve come to the whole of one of the great old ones. Something so vast his mind couldn’t even comprehend it, couldn’t pick out its edges or define it in any way besides its Vastness.  Was this merely another aspect of the Vast, or did he touch the being itself?  Could he touch the being itself?  

I feel like he hit the nail on the head when he stated that we cannot truly perceive the great old ones, and they can’t really perceive us on any meaningful level.  Their aspects interact with us, but more like we’d interact with ants or other very small insects we notice.  We crush them or brush them aside or sometimes just move them away.  Some of them we take a liking to for a brief moment, and we’re gentle with them, but we forget them soon.  That’s the best analogy to the great old ones I can think of.  The Vast is, in many ways, that enormous incomprehensibility made manifest.  

Once the statement was done, it was also interesting to hear Melanie’s reaction to it.  She seems startled that it’s done, but less so because she seems to be waking up from the sort of out-of-body experience that Jon and Martin go through.  If anything, she seems more like season 1 Jon (and I think there’s a reason those two clash so often, as they are remarkably similar in some ways), wanting to dismiss Kilbride’s experiences, particularly as he didn’t describe ever returning to the Daedalus.  She acknowledges the reality of the supernatural, yes, but without good evidence she has a hard time believing the statement.

Then Basira arrives, and their snarky chats are things I need a lot more of in my life.  The two actresses have great chemistry, and through them we got some wonderful little revelations about the other characters and how they’re perceived by Melanie and Basira.

The first thing that happened was the confirmation that Martin’s little crush on Jon is not only canon, but has probably been noticed by everyone except Jon.  Basira and Melanie both agree that Martin got rather hostile when he found out Jon was confiding in them rather than him, which is fantastic.  I’ve read that sort of thing into so many shows, only to have them deny it later. To have it outright confirmed by the other characters that Martin has it bad for Jon, and that his crush explains a lot of his actions?  Yeah, that’s awesome.  

And the awesome kept coming with the following revelation, second-hand from Georgie, that Jon is asexual. Apparently not aromantic, as he and Georgie did date for a time, but asexual.  It’s fantastic to see representations of various sexualities so seamlessly integrated into the show, and for each of them to fit the characters so well.  As soon as they got confirmed, it felt like an ‘of course’ moment.  Of course Tim is bisexual.  Of course Martin is in love with Jon.  Of course Jon is asexual.  It just works.

I don’t know if they planned on dropping these revelations during Pride, but it’s really fun nonetheless. I feel like this is the best way to do LGBT representation: by simply integrating it when it seems appropriate to the character and the situation.  By not making it some ‘very special episode’.  We got confirmation about Martin and found out more about Jon just through some office gossip.  It makes my heart happy (and, yes, the Dinghy shipper in me more than a bit pleased too). Like, seriously.  Fucking solid job, TMA.

And then.  

And then, Elias.

Fuck me, I wasn’t anticipating that poor Melanie’s dad was at Ivy Meadows, the nursing home taken over by John Amhurst and torn apart by the plague of insects and disease that accompanied him in ‘Taken Ill’.  That remains one of the nastier episodes of TMA ever, and to know that Melanie lost a relative to that, and didn’t even know is horrible.  Even more horrible was how she found out how her grandfather died, by Elias inflicting the information and possibly even some of the feelings he went through upon her.  

His desire to maintain control over those around him, to maintain a true stranglehold on the Institute, is horrifying in its scope and ruthlessness.  And we now know he can take information and plant it into the memories of those who weren’t there.  Turning the truth into a weapon continues to be his cruelest trick, and I hate to think what he might do to Tim or to Martin if they tried to turn on him.  

One thing’s for certain, I don’t think this is going to work out the way he wants it to.  He thinks that this will break Melanie, but she has a core of rage that I think will only get stoked by this.  She may well act cowed, but her mind is still her own. Elias can hear words and see actions, but so far as we can tell, he isn’t a mind-reader.  So Melanie’s can and will still plan.  She might not be able to directly research now, but that doesn’t stop her from plotting.  If he wanted to convince her that he didn’t deserve to die, this sure as hell wasn’t the way.  I think it’s fairly certain that Melanie will kill Elias, but the repercussions of that action … yeah, I worry.

Because Elias does use the truth as a weapon, so I have a tendency to believe him.  He obfuscates, but he rarely outright lies to people. He gets too much satisfaction out of hurting them with the truth as he sees it.  Do I think everyone will drop dead if he dies?  No.  But do I worry that whatever it is that is piggy-backing on Elias like the Archivist piggy-backs on Jon will jump to Melanie when she does it?  Yes.  And then Melanie would become Elias.  Maybe not instantly, but slowly the woman we know would fade, and Miss King would take her place.

Conclusions

An interesting statement (it’s always fascinating when this series really leans into the cosmic part of cosmic horror) from someone I feel like will hold significance in the future. You don’t bring up a character several times and then drop him after a single statement.  

But really, the real meat of this episode came after.  We got confirmation that every single male character in the series is a flavor of queer, that Basira and Melanie’s friendship is excellent and good, and that Elias is 100% the scariest thing on this podcast right now.  Hell of an ending to a good episode all around. This third season is of ridiculous quality, seriously.

And while so much horror is happening, and Elias is absolutely the worst, I am so very pleased with the level of queer representation we just got.  It fits with all the characters, it came out when it felt appropriate for it to come out, and it made my Pride Month feel just a bit more awesome.  Rock on, my very queer podcast.  Rock the fuck on.

[rt-reader-inserts]

Valentine

Pairing: Trevor Collins x Reader

Word Count: 2,391

Description: You find yourself alone on Valentine’s Day, working after hours on editing with nothing better to do. That is, until a certain someone walks in. (This was a commission for @trevc0, thank you so much!!)

Warnings: None!

It is… somewhat disheartening to see all your coworkers leaving the office, either with their loved one, with gifts from/for a loved one, or with plans to see their loved one when they get home. Meanwhile, you’re just staying after to catch up on some editing, seeing as you had the time for it. No partner means no plans so, it’s not like you have anything better to do. Work’s better than staying in, watching netflix, and thinking about how nice it’d be to be with someone tonight.

That doesn’t stop those thoughts from lingering in your subconscious.

With a deep breath, you try to keep you entire focus on your work. Balancing the audio levels of six microphones, finding the best footage to switch to at different points in the video, it’s at least an easy thing to get fully absorbed in.

So it startles you when you feel a tap on your shoulder, and you look up to see Trevor standing behind your chair, shooting you a smile as you take your headphones off. “Hey, (y/n), is there, uh, a reason you’re still here? Office hours ended like, ehh two hours ago.” You check your phone to see that it is, in fact, seven o’clock, and it surprises you how fast the time went by. (It’s not surprising, however, when you see your only notifications are from Twitter and Tumblr.)

“I just stopped by to grab my jacket, wound up leaving it since the weather was so nice, and then I saw the light was on and… there you were, editin’ away.”

You laugh under your breath, shaking your head slightly before replying, “I dunno, figured I could get some work done since I have no plans; plus, you dorks aren’t here to interrupt with your ‘shenanigans’ so…” You shoot him a grin, and he rolls his eyes.

“Wow, you walk in on flinchless kickie doo one time—”

“It hit me right in the face, Trevor; and I had a fuckin bounce house dropped on me one time?”

“ —alright well, yeah, but it’s not like that really interrupted anything. Just… delayed things a bit.” He fires back, crossing his arms with a slightly guilty expression.

“Yeah, yeah, whatever helps you sleep at night,” you tease, sitting back in your chair as you look up at him. “Is there a specific reason for tonight’s interruption? Outside of curiosity, of course.”

“Well, uh, since you don’t have plans or anything,” he rubs the back of his neck, gaze darting over to a random spot in the room before looking back at you, “would you, like, wanna go get dinner?”

As if to answer his question, your stomach rumbles, and you both laugh. “Yeah man, I’m absolutely down for dinner.” It doesn’t occur to you until after you’ve already answered the question, but you realize you have no idea what the connotations surrounding dinner are.

Well, too late now.

He shoots you another smile, moving to grab his jacket from the couch. “Better save your work then, cuz I’m a hungry boy,” you can’t help but snort at that. You’re a dork, that’s what you are. “And, judging by the whale noises, I’m guessing you’re in the same boat.”

“You know I’m the hungriest boy around,” you shoot back, spinning around in your chair and quickly saving what you have. “Honestly, I would devour the entire McDonald’s menu right now, and I don’t even like McDonald’s.”

“Dammit, there goes my plan for good ol’ MickeyD’s.”

With a slight eye roll, you sit and wait for your computer to shut down, placing your headphones on your desk.

You can’t help but let out a surprised gasp, almost squeal, when your chair suddenly begins moving backwards. “Let’s get movin’, kid,” Trevor says as he starts rolling you toward the door, unable to keep from chuckling at his own dumb antics.

With slight difficulty, you jump out of the moving chair, quickly stepping to the side and laughing as he stumbles through his momentum. “Hang on, dude, I can’t leave my bag behind,” you tell him as you walk back to your desk, “and I can walk on my own, thanks.”

“Well, if you insist,” he retorts, sliding your chair back to your desk as you pick up your bag. Tossing your phone inside, you turn back to him, and he smiles. “Ready to roll?”

“If by roll you mean walk, and not take my chair out in the parking lot, then yeah, let’s roll.”

“I mean, there aren’t any cameras around, so I think we can leave the safety violations at the office tonight,” he replies, walking backward toward the door as he waits for you to follow.

With a combination of a laugh and an exasperated sigh, you walk after him, hitting the switch on your way out.

The two of you wind up at a hole-in-the-wall Italian place, one that your coworkers have been raving about (and that was thankfully small enough to not be completely booked on Valentine’s Day). You’d felt somewhat embarrassed when you’d had to admit to Trevor that Steffie was normally your ride home, and you’d been planning on taking a Lyft home tonight. Of course he assured you that driving you home was no problem, and that it made things easier anyways, not having to figure out what to do with two cars.

He had a point, but that doesn’t stop you from being anxious about inconveniencing him.

However, the weird conversation you find yourself in does more than enough to distract you from that anxiety.

“Wait, wait, so hang on,” Trevor speaks through suppressed laughter, “you’re telling me— that you were afraid of swimming pools until you were nine??”

“Listen, it was a valid fear!” you defend yourself, crossing your arms in a slightly exaggerated manner. “I mean, at least at the time. Of course I knew that sharks probably didn’t swim in public swimming pools, but was I one hundred percent sure? Nope, and I wasn’t about to take that chance.”

“Had to wait until you were at least ten for that.”

“Now you’re getting it,” you shoot back with a grin, which he cheekily returns.

You’d been at the restaurant for only twenty minutes, when suddenly the waiter sets down the appetizer in front of you; it looks nothing short of amazing. Of course, neither of you are surprised, suggestions from the podcast crew rarely let anyone down. In all honesty, it’s really just the price makes the quality astonishing.

“Jesus christ, I could eat that entire plate in two seconds flat,” Trevor absentmindedly mumbles, and you’re drawn back to the present, quickly grabbing a ravioli as you narrow your eyes at him.

“You better fuckin’ not.”

He holds his hands up in mock surrender, fork still between his fingers. “Hey, I said I could, not that I will. You think I’m gonna pull something like that when you have a fork and knife at hand?”

“I mean, we have the same silverware, you could technically defend yourself, if it came to that.”

He rolls his eyes, leaning back against the booth, “Please, I was born to fence with silverware. I would crush you, easy.” He can only keep up his cocky demeanor for another small moment before cracking, shooting you a grin.

“Oh, is that so?” you raise an eyebrow before sinking your fork into the toasted ravioli on your plate, twirling it around as you hold it up. “I’ll believe it when I see it.”

You take a bite of the ravioli, and he’s quick to retort, “Are you challenging me to a duel? In the middle of this refined establishment?” His voice is practically dripping with faux shock and horror, and you can’t help but let out a small laugh.

“I’m just saying, you gotta be able to put your money where your mouth is, Collins.”

He smiles, grabbing a ravioli for himself as he replies, “Well, maybe sometime when we aren’t surrounded by innocent civilians, I’ll prove my fork dueling skills.” After a quick bite, he adds, “Besides, I don’t think that old lady would be too thrilled about it, our laughing was offensive enough.”

You glance over to where he subtly gestured with his fork, and see a very old couple. It’s almost as if the woman can sense you looking, because she immediately turns and meets your gaze, with a glare that you think could probably kill you. You return your eyes to Trevor, trying to hold back a laugh as you say, “Holy shit, yeah, no, let’s hold off on this duel for now.” He doesn’t have time to respond before you add, “She also definitely caught me staring so… pretty sure I’m on her shit list now.”

Trevor locks eyes with you, deadly serious as he tells you, “You better watch out, pretty sure that red wine she’s drinking isn’t actually wine.”

You mimic his demeanor as you lean in closer, whispering, “Can you see her reflection on any of the silverware? Is there any color in her cheeks, like, at all?” He quickly glances over, and shakes his head. “Well, fuck.”

“Listen, you’re cool and all, but if you’ve got a vampire after you, you might have to find your own way home tonight.”

Your eyes are still locked as you stay quiet for a moment, the two of you almost daring each other to break the stare, but then the corner of Trevor’s mouth quirks. You can’t keep from laughing at that point, and neither can he, neither of you paying any mind to the dirty look the same woman throws your way.

“If we get kicked out of here before my pasta shows up, I’m blaming you.”

Trevor laughs under his breath, grabbing another ravioli as he replies, “I mean, you’re the one staring at harmless old ladies.”

“You told me to! And I’m not sure how harmless she’ll be when she catches me in an alley, ready to snap my neck; did you see the look she gave me?” You try your best to keep your voice accusatory, but the smile on your face immediately betrays you. God, how could you not smile when this man was smiling right back?

“Eh, you’re a tough kid, you’ll manage.”

You laugh as you chew your next bite, swallowing before adding, “Thanks for that vote of confidence.”

“Oh, anytime.”

You’re not sure how someone’s smile can look so smug and so sincere in the same moment.

It’s surprising how easily the conversation flowed between the two of you at dinner. Sure, you talked to each other at the office, got on fairly well, but that was usually with other people around. You never expected to spend so much one-on-one time with someone and not fall into an awkward silence at some point.

And yet, here you are, in the passenger seat of Trevor’s car as he drives you home, the silence between the two of you something comfortable, safe. He hums along to whatever Spotify playlist he has going, tapping the steering wheel, and you watch the Austin city streets go by in a blur of lights and nightlife.

“I had no clue you were in the same neighborhood as me,” you break the silence, “but I’m glad you don’t have to go too far out of your way to get my dumb ass home.”

“Hey, I wouldn’t have minded going out of my way to get your dumb ass home,” he fires back, shooting you a grin. You roll your eyes with a laugh, and he adds, “For real though, don’t sweat it; Lyft fare is bullshit, and I’m more than happy to help.”

You smile over at him as you reply, “Well, thank you.”

He pulls his car into the one available spot outside your townhouse, meaning one of your roommates is out for the night, and he parallel parks with an ease you can’t fathom. As he puts the car in park, you unbuckle your seatbelt, turning towards him to say, “Thanks for the ride, and for the company. I definitely had a way better time than I thought I would tonight, working after office hours on Valentine’s Day.”

“Hey, anytime!” he says as he opens his door, and you get out of the car as well. “I had fun laughing at old ladies and disturbing the peace with you.”

“I mean, the latter is Achievement Hunter’s specialty, isn’t it?”

“Gotta represent the brand,” he adds as the two of you make your way to your door, both exchanging dumb smiles.

“So, can I ask a dumb question?” you ask, standing in front of your door, shifting on your feet slightly.

“Hit me with it.”

You know you’ll probably regret asking, but you’ll also regret not asking so, might as well. “Would you wanna, um, go out again?” Before he can even respond, you’re quick to add, “I understand if this like, wasn’t a thing, though; I just, figured I’d ask.”

He laughs under his breath, smiling down at you. “This definitely was a thing, yeah. I would’ve asked you out legitimately weeks ago, but I kept second guessing myself; and when I saw you in the office tonight, I finally kicked my own ass and said something, though uh… clearly not well.”

“Hey, we got there eventually, and I had a great time so, I’d say you did well enough.”

Your smile is incredibly teasing, and honestly, he looks like he wants to kiss you right there. But, instead, he settles for kissing your forehead, and you can’t fight the blush that rises to your cheeks. “I’ll see you tomorrow?”

“Bright and early,” you reply, unlocking your front door, “and I’m taking that as a yes, you do wanna go out again?”

“You’re a nerd.”

You stick your tongue out at him as he smiles, kissing your cheek before continuing, “But yes, that’s one hundred percent a yes.”

You’re practically beaming as you say, “See you tomorrow, Collins.”

“Bright and early,” he grins before walking back to his car, stopping before he opens the door. “Goodnight, (y/n).”

As you say goodbye and close the door behind you, you can’t keep from giggling to yourself, still blushing. Maybe, maybe Valentine’s Day was kind of okay.

If it was with him, anyways.

[nightmareonfilmstreet]

[Fantasia Review] THE MAN WHO KILLED HITLER AND THEN THE BIGFOOT Will Assassinate Your Expectations

The title says it all. It’s hard to write a spoiler-free review when the entire plot is in the title, but The Man Who Killed Hitler and Then the Bigfoot will still draw audiences curious as to how he killed Hitler and why he killed Bigfoot. Yet viewers will be surprised when they realize the real question: what are the mental ramifications on said man?

Sam Elliott, famous for his deep, soothing voice and bushy white moustache, is Calvin Barr, a WWII veteran with a dark secret: he’s responsible for the death of Adolf Hitler. You’d think he’d be hailed as a hero after returning from the war. Instead, he was forced to keep his mouth shut about the whole operation.

    Forty years later, Calvin is cursed to living a life of solitude. He has no friends, except for his loyal dog and his little brother Ed (Larry Miller), the local barber. Everything around Calvin triggers memories of the war, where he had to go undercover as an SS officer to get close enough to his target. When he’s not thinking about that one time he killed Hitler, he’s remembering more pleasant memories of the love of his life Maxine (Caitlin FitzGerald) and his repeated failed attempts to propose to her before shipping off. Unfortunately too, their story doesn’t have the happiest of endings.

Despite being a shadow of the man he used to be, Calvin has still retained his combat training. When three thugs try to rob him in the parking lot, he effortlessly knocks each of them to the ground. And yet, Calvin is not a violent person. For the most part, he is selfless and honest. “When an honest man is honest, he’s honest.”

    Little does Calvin know, he’s being trailed by government agents in a black car, observing his every move. One fateful night, he’s paid a visit by the FBI and the RCMP. They have heard of his past exploits and want to offer him a rather bizarre request: find and kill the Bigfoot, or risk the end of the world. He reluctantly accepts, being the only one who can pull off such a mission. Armed with only a rifle and a knife, Calvin ventures into the Canadian wilderness, where he will play a game of cat and mouse with the creature of legend.

Strangely, the assassination plots are not the main focus of the movie. The Man Who Killed Hitler and Then the Bigfoot is more about the melancholy of old age. Calvin will never be recognized for his greatest accomplishments. Not that he wants to be seen as a hero; he still feels remorse for killing Hitler. According to Calvin, Hitler was not history’s greatest monster – just a sad, angry man.

  “Robert Krzykowski has gifted us a one-of-a-kind experience that is both exhilarating and bittersweet.”

  Director/writer Robert Krzykowski has gifted us a one-of-a-kind experience that is both exhilarating and bittersweet. Sam Elliott is enough reason to see the film. He will warm your heart and bring you to the edge of tears. It’s also worth mentioning the stand-out performance of Aidan Turner as a young Calvin, optimistic and hopelessly in love, unaware of how life will eventually crush him into the lonely man he’s destined to become. At first glance, you wouldn’t think that Turner looks at all like Sam Elliott, until he grows a moustache, then the resemblance is uncanny. As for the Bigfoot, I found the bug-eyed costume design an off-putting juxtaposition to an otherwise heartfelt film.

One particular scene that made an impression on me is when Calvin, as a young soldier, meets with a Russian officer (Nikolai Tsankov) who aids him in infiltrating the Nazi ranks. In order to look the part, the Russian must shave Calvin’s beard using a straight razor. As he glides the razor across Calvin’s skin, the Russian goes into a monologue about whether or not it will draw blood, which will indicate the success of the mission. The whole act had me wondering if the officer was a friend or foe, who at any moment could slit Calvin’s throat. It was the most unnerving shaving scene I have ever seen.

    The one piece of advice I can give you, dear reader, is that you watch The Man Who Killed Hitler and Then the Bigfoot with no expectations. Do not expect it to be action-packed with a high body count, because you will be disappointed. Do not expect it to be a deep dive into cryptozoology or Nazi exploitation, because you will be left unsatisfied. Rather, this is a movie to watch with your dad, followed by a long conversation of what it’s like to grow old.

3 / 4 eberts

  The Man Who Killed Hitler and The the Bigfoot had its World Premiere at the Fantasia Film Festival. It’s next screening will be at this year’s Frightfest in London, UK.

Check out more of Nightmare on Film Street’s Fantasia Fest Coverage here, and be sure to sound off with your thoughts over on Twitter and in our Facebook Group!

  The post [Fantasia Review] THE MAN WHO KILLED HITLER AND THEN THE BIGFOOT Will Assassinate Your Expectations appeared first on Nightmare on Film Street - Horror Movie Podcast, News and Reviews.

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