#i mean i got asked and this is all aspects of how UNHEALTHY their relationship is

[keikakudori]

okay lu, list off the top 5 most toxic traits/most unhealthy aspects of aigin, go, before the mobs arrive thinking you actually don’t see them as unhealthy —

i never said they were not UNHEALTHY I JUST SAID THAT THEIR RELATIONSHIP IS HEALTHIER THAN THE ONE AIZEN HAD WITH SHINJI----

but top five you say? alright then, let me think here.

at the top of the list, we have that mutual murder attempt between them. and it was very much mutual; gin killed aizen. for a minute, aizen was dead. then he woke back up and he was going after gin in kind and that is probably at the top of the list. of course, we get to see the repercussions for it when the blood war rolls around and even in a canon divergent verse, this is not yet something that they have really hashed out yet.

we also have rangiku and gin's lack of communication in regards to "you took a piece of her soul you fucker---" which is there for sure. after all, aizen MIGHT HAVE changed things at least a LITTLE if he had been aware of that whole thing. of course, might is doing a lot of heavy lifting here.

though nothing sexual happens, there is an undeniable air of grooming that does hover around the edges of aizen's relationship with gin. yes, gin threw himself into his relationship with aizen wholeheartedly from the moment they actually and officially met, but aizen also had plenty of room to guide gin's growth. he never told him directly i want you to do this and this in regards to our plans but he preferred to make suggestions; if gin chose to go his own way? alright then. but there is that subtle aspect to them all the same.

when it comes to their sex life, sometimes consent is -- admittedly dubious, if almost lacking. that isn't to say that they don't listen to one another if the word "no---" comes into play (do they even have a safeword, cas? do they?) and it's meant, but just because it's not being said means that what's happening is great. of course, they're also both strong enough to stop the other if they really want to, but---

oh. and they're murder husbands. they have committed war crimes and unethical experiments together. like it is canon that aizen modified or crafted mestacia which led to kaien's death which led to aaroniero's birth so that counts. the toxic kicks in because they can have fun while committing these casual murders when it comes down to it. like that's not healthy i'm pretty sure.

we also have honorable mentions of

mutual manipulation of one another.

the lack of communication on important issues (they are both guilty of that).

the mutual obsession with one another; gin aimed himself directly at aizen and made sure that aizen paid heed to him. and then it just went from there.

the power imbalance that sat between them for years though aizen will absolutely assert from the outset of their relationship stepping past the boundary of sexual tension and into actual sex that gin is his equal. he's a captain now and while aizen is stronger than he is? gin's really not that far behind. years of weight training thanks to aizen's reiatsu.

and also the fact that gin would deliberately flirt with other people in front of aizen with the desired result of having aizen slamming him into a wall and snarling at him; this began when gin was a lieutenant and has persisted all the way up to their time together in las noches.

oh AND the fact that they're both absolutely possessive of one another while we're at it. that's one of the aspects of their relationship that is very prominent where they're both concerned; there is no chance of 'sharing' between them.

[alessiathepirate]

Scream

REFLECTION: Stu Macher x fem!reader; Billy Loomis x fem!reader

Summary: As she looks around the shrine, she can't help but reflect on how she has become who she is...

Notes: English isn't my first language. I apologize for any mistake I made while I wrote this short story.

This is the craziest thing I've ever written... I hope you'll enjoy reading it :)

Warnings: SPOILERS! (for mainly Scream 1, 5 and 6), unhealthy relationships, mental instability, blood, violence, referenced death

•••

Walking around the shrine and examining the collection of sold evidence made her realize that she is walking down memory lane. The knives, the clothes and the memories of the people who once owned them were all parts of her life; were all parts of her actions and then the consequences of those which made her into who she is today.

She wasn't the only one thinking that. It was enough to look at everyone else's expression to know they too were overcome by memories. They were all parts of the still ongoing franchise, they are still playing their parts in it, even if nowadays they have new friends to either suspect or worry about.

The most interesting and with that scariest part of the shrine was the costumes. All of them thoughtfully put to place, still holding the blood and DNA of both victim and killer.

That was the aspect she seemed interested in. Walking up towards it, ignoring the others' voices got her to a whole another world.

Nothing else, but her and the costume, her and her memories, her and her reflection on the glass.

'Billy Loomis' was carved into the cabinet where the glass ended, making the whole thing look like a trophy. It was one perhaps, but not without its pair. She never understood how only one was thought about as the original, when clearly two should've been put behind that glass.

Looking at the costume and then at the knife while she could see her reflection, let some pushed away memories up to the surface.

They were either memories from 1996 or the years before that and even though she should've thought about them as the lies and as the worst memories of her life, she liked those - maybe a bit too much. Even though everyone except the psychos out there thought about Woodsboro and about Billy Loomis and Stu Macher as a very dark part of a long timeline, she couldn't agree with them. She accepted that they are right. Murders aren't acceptable, threats aren't acceptable... But other than her moral code nothing else in her wanted to see that.

She didn't want to see that, because 1996 was the best year of her life - and the years before that held her happiest memories.

She remembered how she befriended the boys - Billy and Stu - and how through them she got to know Sidney, Tatum and Randy. But even though she liked all of them, her relationship with the two boys was stronger than others.

"I thought you invited me over to study." she remembered herself saying on a winter day after she arrived at Stu's place. Even now thinking about is, she still wanted to laugh at how quickly they took her backback and helped her take off her coat.

"Yes, but this is more important than some sappy project about Romeo and Juliet." Stu explained after he threw her backpack next to the coat hanger, stopping her from picking it up. He then put his hands on her shoulders, pushing her towards the living room.

"You mean the Hamlet. We have to make the project about the Hamlet. Sidney has to make one about Romeo and Juliet."

"Whatever! We can do that later, but now look at what we've got for you."

She looked at Billy with a smile. He held a video tape in his hands.

"What's that?" she asked with a small giggle, because Stu put his whole bodyweight on her as he hugged her and they almost fell.

"We'll have a movie night. We never had one with you so now it's time to make up for the lost time."

"All right, you've got me." she chuckled after she got out of Stu's grip, because he started to tickle her. "What are we watching?"

"You said you've never seen Halloween-"

"So let me guess, we are watching Halloween?"

They did. And they most definitely haven't done any schoolwork that day. They just sat on the couch with her in the middle. She had some popcorn in her lap. Her back was pushed against Stu's shoulder while her legs were stretched out across Billy's thighs.

And the amout of information she recieved... They used this and that for blood, they did this scene like this, that actor can be seen in another horror movies as well... It wasn't annoying at all. In fact she hadn't had more fun watching Halloween since that day.

The only problem they had was the fact that she wasn't scared - at all.

"What, you want me to climb on top of you in fear?" she joked and threw a piece of popcorn at Stu after she saw his expression and deduced the things he wanted to say. "Besides it's pretty hard to get scared if I have to sit between two experts who spoil everything."

She wanted to say that they were friends. And they were, she knew they thought about her as a friend at the start as well. Even though later she understood that that day they just wanted to test her and her fears. They wanted to see her reactions to know if she's really who they thought she was.

But later there started to be one issue in that friendship. Friends don't kiss. They don't make out or cuddle like couples do.

God, how awful she felt! She couldn't look Sidney or Tatum in the eye for weeks, and she had to avoid the boys for a while.

Her first ever kiss happened between her and Stu. It was very close to the end of a school year and his parents were away again. She had that strange feeling in her chest that said she's letting him down if she lets him be alone in that house. So she went there and baked some cookies with him to make sure he's happy - even though she's never seen him make the smallest frown.

And then it just happened.

First they joked around, made a mess in the kitchen and were about the start cleaning when he leaned in and kissed her.

Her first reaction was to freeze and just stand there in shock. But later she kissed back and held onto his shoulders, fearing she'll fall.

She didn't.

Her waist just touched the kitchen counter.

Thinking about it still made her stomach feel empty, her throat dry and her cheeks red. It was the softest kiss she's ever shared with anyone. She never imagined Stu to be able to kiss someone softly, but it seemed like she was wrong.

"This- isn't right." she said after the kiss ended and the sudden guilt overtook her. "You are dating Tatum. She's my friend. This isn't-"

"Why can't it be right if it feels good?"

She left his house that afternoon in a hurry, afraid to look back, knowing that if she did she'd go back in a heartbeat.

Kissing Billy Loomis was a whole another dimension. She knew he knew about what happened; she later realized he used that knowledge to weaken her and get what he wants.

He climbed through her window one evening and after she let him in, he started some small talk with her about movies. He didn't ask her about Stu or about the kiss, he just talked about the smallest things possible.

"Are you okay?" he later asked, after she answered with short sentences.

"Yeah."

"You're a horrible liar." he said with a smirk. "I can tell. I've known you far too long."

And that sentence alone made her tell him everything. And after he comforted her and hugged her, he ran his fingers along her cheek and then her hair. She looked up at him with a slight blush.

"Can I kiss you?"

That evening she had her second kiss with Billy Loomis, knowing she's the worst friend in existence.

It was a lot of back and forth from then on, until everything seemed to get back on track... Until the murders started to happen.

And during those days when the attacks happened, when she wasn't comfortable staying home alone they weakened her. During those moments they started to form a weird understanding - they are friends, but with something else... They had some great movie nights, they hugged more than usual. She started to feel happy, living in denial.

And then at that party the reveal happened. The reveal that changed everything. She still remembered the blood, the way Randy was lying on the ground. The house she knew like the back of her hand became something unknown and scary. She remembered how scared Sidney was, she remembered the betrayal she felt when she had to look the boys she loved in the eye.

It was like she was in a movie they were explaining all those times. Almost everything felt familiar yet surprising. The twist was right, the corn syrup was from Carrie, the 'we all go a little mad sometimes' line was known by her... She knew everything yet she was still surprised.

But the way they spoke to her, the way they touched her or hugged her with that wicked grin on their faces was something soft. Something what felt comfortable and good.

And then...

"-final girl." her eyes became teary as she looked at Billy who still kept Sidney at the counter with the knife. She was thankful she didn't have to look at the edge of it. "Every horror movie needs a final girl. Remember when we explained it to you darling?"

She did.

"Well guess what, you got that role in our movie."

And she understood. She understood why they watched all those scary movies with her, why they explained all the production secrects...

But making her partake in it also meant they were sure she'd never snitch them out. And as she watched them she realized she wouldn't.

"Are you okay?" she got back to reality as a hand touched her shoulder.

"Yeah. I am. I just- remembered something." she answered as Sam, the daughter of Billy Loomis stood next to her, looking at the costume as well.

"You knew him, right?"

"Yes." she answered, not daring to tell the whole story behind that knew.

They stood there next to each other as she thought about Stu and Billy again. The blood after they stabbed the other was gushing from the wounds. And as they raised the knife again and again she saw her reflection on the bloody iron. Her reflection what was full of worry, but the fear was completely missing.

"Do you ever think about him?" Sam asked making her consider what she should reply.

"Sometimes, but it's more like a them. You can't have any memories of one of them without the other."

"They went crazy and stabbed you... I guess it really is hard to think about just one of them. Or about anything happy with them."

" 'We all go a little mad sometimes.' " she quoted, but after realizing Sam doesn't know the meaning of the sentence, she continued: "I still have some happy memories, you know. They played their roles quite well."

She touched the right part of her stomach, where the scar was still visible. The wound she got from them wasn't deep. They made sure it wasn't. But it still hurt, no matter how much Stu hugged her.

Looking at the costume behind the glass made her realize how much she misses them. No matter what they've done, what they made her into, she still loved them. They had a special kind of connection. She was their final girl - that part of the plan worked out flawlessly.

Sam opened the cabinet and she examined her expressions with a raised eyebrow.

"We need a weapon. For defense." she explained and took the still bloody knife.

"You aren't like him, you know. At all." she said, looking at the way Sam is holding the weapon as she took the handle of the cabinet and pushed Sam back a little.

She took a deep breath before she slammed the glass door shut, almost being unable to hide a smile at the sound of glass breaking. She looked at her reflection one last time as it broke to millions of tiny pieces.

Sam jumped a little and she could already hear Gale calling out from behind her.

Moments later she was hugged as different people muttered 'it's okay's. They thought it was an accident, it was completely accidental.

It wasn't. She just doesn't like injustice.

Gale was hugging her. She didn't know the truth, nor did Sidney or Kirby. Sometimes she thought maybe Randy has been the only one who suspected something.

She hid her feelings well and she burried the fact that she wanted Billy and Stu to succeed deep in herself.

As she looked at Ethan Landry above Gale's shoulder she noticed the slight headtilt and curious smile he couldn't hide. He turned towards detective Bailey for only a second, but it was enough for her to know the truth.

Their eyes met.

She tried not to smile as she acknowledged that they are now sharing each others secrets. After all: it takes one to know one.

[saintsenara]

How are you able to enjoy toxic/unhealthy/“problematic” ships/characters without feeling weird (for lack of a better word) about it?

I ask this because I want to be able to do this myself as it seems like a much more enjoyable way of engaging with fiction to me. I can get over some ships just being toxic and the characters not being good together and still enjoy their dynamic but I have trouble with the other ships that feel morally wrong. I know it’s just fiction but I can’t seem to get over the ick feeling I have when I think about those ships/characters. I feel like I’m being too puritanical about these things but I don’t know how to stop feeling like something is gross when I feel it’s gross…

Do you have any tips to stop jumping to moralizing ships/characters?

thank you very much for the ask, anon!

i'm going to be upfront that this reflexive gross feeling isn't something i've ever really struggled with - both in fic and more broadly. this is due to various personal idiosyncrasies, above all the fact that i've got disengaged boomer parents who didn't police our media consumption [my favourite book when i was eleven? lolita...] and that i'm a doctor, which is a profession which requires you to develop a very high threshold for what you find disgusting. the human body - at all stages of its life-cycle and its cycle of decomposition - produces a lot of different fluids... and it's also the case that [just as if you can think of it, there's porn for it] if an inanimate object exists, somebody somewhere has got it stuck inside them...

and so the situation that i find myself in is that i consider it infinitely less weird that i enjoy the odd bit of hot tomarrymort action than that i actively enjoy cutting through bone with a saw...

but, obviously, "get a medical degree" isn't particularly helpful advice...

i am a ride-or-die fan of the concept of stepping outside of your comfort zone. this is why i'm such an avowed multishipper - i think it's good for us as fandom citizens to examine the potential of our faves in relationships [romantic or otherwise] which are either not their canon endgames or which aren't our preferred pairings, and in situations which don't align with their canon experiences [whether that means making them suffer or giving them full-on fluff]. it draws out the multiple aspects of a character to consider them from these different angles - and it prevents us from getting so stuck in one interpretation of a character or configuration of a ship which means that it puts our backs up to stumble across stories which approach things differently.

but stepping outside of your comfort zone doesn't mean that you have to go enormously far. it may be that a reader decides - having only ever read teen-rated fics where characters' sex lives don't extend beyond hand-holding and forehead kisses - to take the plunge into an explicit piece filled to the brim with watersports and age play. it may be that a reader decides - having only ever read teen-rated fics for one canon pairing - to read a teen-rated fic for a non-canon alternative. both of these are entirely valid approaches.

by which i mean, our comfort levels and our thresholds for discomfort are subjective, they're personal. if there are ships or themes or characters you don't want to read about because they don't feel good... you're not doing something wrong if you avoid them. exposing yourself to fics you expect to make you uncomfortable can be useful - and fiction is certainly a way to explore discomfort which gives you much more control over the experience than encountering it in real life - but it's not something you're obliged to do to be active in fandom.

the thing you are obliged to do to be active in fandom is to be nice to other people, no matter what their tastes in fiction. this means, at its fundamental level, that when you see people who ship pairings or like themes which make you think "ew"... you keep it to yourself/the group chat rather than putting it on the timeline.

but, once this is something you've got the hang of [which takes a bit of time! but practice makes perfect!], something i feel can be a really useful way of overcoming a tendency towards knee-jerk moralising reactions is to just vibe in the vicinity of people you know like the content you instinctively feel is gross.

this doesn't mean you have to read any of this content - but you'll learn just by hanging out near them that the people who do are just... normal. one minute they might reblog a rec for a pairing you think "absolutely not" about, the next they might reblog a cat picture which makes you squeal with delight. you'll like some of their content, but not all. you'll agree with some of it, but not all. you might like progressively more of it as you spend time in their orbit - maybe they'll explain why they like the pairing or character in question and you'll think "huh, i've never looked at it like that" - or you might not. this is absolutely fine.

all of us - at one time or other - have made a black-and-white moralising pronouncement: people who think x are gross; people who like y are fucked-up, you'd never catch me doing z. and these pronouncements are different from our wider, societally-influenced moral codes - which are good things, otherwise we'd live in the purge - in that they're fundamentally ways for us to feel good about ourselves and our families and our friends by defining ourselves as better than a faceless other. we say "you'd never catch me reading that, it's foul" when we know [or think we know] that the friend we're talking to would agree with the statement. we are far less likely to say it if we know that the friend - whom we see as a human being who is beautiful in their imperfection and inherently worthy of love simply by virtue of being alive - was reading and enjoying that just the other day.

and so the best way to train yourself out of reflexively moralising ships or characters or tropes is to put a face to the faceless other who likes them. be intentional in sharing a space with fans of the stuff you feel uncomfortable with and, eventually, it just becomes background noise. you'll scroll on tumblr, say "well there we are, jane's written some more of her sirius/harry piss kink fic - although i'm not interested in clicking on it" and go on with your day.

because the other thing i think it's really useful to do is to train yourself into reframing your disgust as disinterest. there are plenty of things which i don't seek out to read - and some of these topics are completely benign and some are darker [i don't enjoy reading explicit non-con, for example] - but this is because i try to frame it as that i don't think these things would interest me.

this is still the maintenance of a personal comfort zone, but thinking of the content outside this zone as something you are disinterested in turns it into something neutral. when you think of it as something to be disgusted or grossed out by, it naturally provokes a visceral response which makes you look through a moral lens. thinking in terms of disinterest, instead, gives you sufficient detachment from this visceral response to recognise, interrogate, contextualise, and control it.

and - in time - this neutral reframing may result in you feeling more interested in taking the plunge into the ships and characters and stories you currently don't vibe with, once you don't have an instinctive disgust response as a barrier.

or it may not. and this is absolutely fine.

[astrangerthatlovesyou]

My two year anniversary with two of my insys partners was a few weeks ago, and my one year anniversary with my other is coming up! It got me thinking about how much our relationship (all of us are with each other) has evolved and grown, even though at times sharing a body has been a challenge.

As many of you know, we have P-DID. Because I'm the host, that means l've been front-stuck since I formed. I have access to headspace most of the time, but it's made having extremely committed relationships in the system a little difficult. I wanted to share some tips for insys partners!

These should work for systems with front-stuck members or no headspace. (It's worth noting, some of this requires co-fronting, which isn't easy/possible for all systems. These tips have also really helped me with mindfulness, grounding, and mental health and could definitely be modified for self love!

(TW: metions of food)

Some ideas for dates/spending time together

Play video games together

Share meals

Read together

If you feel safe, go places alone with them (ie: the zoo, a festival, etc)

Dance together

Just talk, talk as much as you can

Cook each-other’s favorite meals

Lean on each other

The most important thing we’ve found is communication, understand that there might be times that you wish the relationship was different. It’s okay to acknowledge that it hurts sometimes to not be able to interact in the meatspace. It also proves that you’re worth fighting for, that obviously being with one another is more important than the setbacks. In system relationships can be just as fulfilling as outerworld relationships, but they arguably take more work.

Tell each other everything. Understanding each other better than external partners could is a gift and a huge strength you should capitalize on. It’s also important to really lean into the emotional aspects of your relationships, this really helps foster intimacy.

Remember that you are still fully capable of hurting one another. Despite being in a system together, you still need to nurture your relationship. Things won’t be perfect, and there may be times you have to fight for your relationship.

In system relationships can still be unhealthy, make sure you’re being careful and not allowing mistreatment. If you feel like not being able to escape your headmate may make you allow toxic behavior, you should avoid starting a relationship.

Most of all, have fun, enjoy being together, relax! Insys relationships are absolutely amazing! You are so valid! You can still be “meant to be” even if you share a body.

My partners truly make me so happy, I want to be with them forever, they mean everything to me! I know it can be intimidating to start a relationship with a headmate, and it’s definitely worth asking if you’re truly willing to put an internal relationship first, but it really is the best decision I’ve ever made. I’m so in love, and my babies are worth every sacrifice.

[thuganomxcs]

SHIPPING INFO // ANSWER THE FOLLOWING FOR YOUR MUSES SO PEOPLE KNOW HOW SHIPPING WORKS ON YOUR BLOG.

WHAT IS YOUR OTP FOR YOUR CHARACTER(S)?

If we're speaking in the canon sense like in his universe I really do like the idea of yusuke x botan because I like the aspects of him with death...not to mention he's a devil now too soo. I still love Yusuke x Keiko tho just so the peeps know there's no hatred for our girl.

HOW LARGE DOES THE AGE GAP HAVE TO BE TO MAKE IT UNCOMFORTABLE?

Anything like a muse being a fucking minor and the other almost hitting their 40's. There's ONE particular verse that does this shit but this ain't about them. As long as you don't ship your literal grown man/woman with a literal definition of a child then I wouldn't have to be disturbed.

HOW FAR DO STEAMY MOMENTS HAVE TO GO BEFORE THEY ARE CONSIDERED NSFT?

The minute a hand touches a boob or the clothes begin to fly off I'm guessing it's considered NSFW.

ARE YOU SELECTIVE WHEN SHIPPING?

LOL I'd say I am..but people have known to just show up, write with me and in a day of our muses vibing we're already shipping them. I MEAN if I have to be selective I'd say..as long as she's a woman XD

WHO ARE OTHER CHARACTERS YOU SHIP YOUR CHARACTER WITH?

Where do I even begin?? First of all I gotta go with the one that started this and that's @belovedblossoms Hiyori. She was the first person I've ever shipped Yusuke with and that relationship has started from not so disney friendly beginnings but entertaining as shit. Then there's @lady-llewellyn El who just ruins the guy, I swear in this ship Yusuke is the innocent one in the relationship no cap. We got @itmeanspeace Shiloh, this one started off just plain physical until she became attached, lol look at me talk as if Yusuke didn't catch feelings too..probably first since he's still kinda technically a human. Give it up for @swordsxandxsakuras Nezuko, the first one to actually go the full nine yards with him to dating all the way down to married with kids. Then there's my homie @fatexbound Chie I wouldn't CALL it a relationship yet but they're definitely in that phase in getting to know one another. You know I gotta put my home girl @adversitybloomed Mulan, who's probably seen everything there is to who Yusuke is as a character, she's been with him as a pervert all the way to him being nice and doing stuff for people. She's also helped him with his family life might have bribed him to go to college but in the end Yusuke proposed to her and it's actually the first REAL proposal I've written as him. I also can't use the term ship without mentioning @bravesung old OC Alyssa, she was definitely a special one who refused to buy into what people said about him, and after discovering he was supernatural (to a degree) just like her it got them to bonding. She's probably believed in him more than he did in himself when it came down to school because she NEVER let him quit HELL she brought his ass TO school whilst he was still sleeping in bed, picture that in your minds if you will. I got good ships and there's even this unhealthy one right here with my girl @acoldsovereign Maiz, tons of ships starts with curiosity, cute moments and even love at first sight and this one is just violence, one devil often tries to get the other devil to dig into those natural urges and forsake his human heart (that literally isn't even working anymore) and just behave like a demon, there's also acts of public terrorism but he'd punch her right..and she'd kick him wrong, it's a tug and pull with 'em. Bruh this segment is getting long since belovedblossom also has other muses that are shipped with Yusuke too and i have a feelin we'd be here ALL day and I've still got a few to talk about. Just know I love all y'alls muses.

DOES ONE HAVE TO ASK TO SHIP WITH YOU?

Nah, I mean if we write and there's a connection then I'd say let 'em go for it. EVEN IF you came to me writing Keiko and you're worried about shipping with me cause you'd think it's forced and i'm obligated to because of the canon then don't. It'd still be cool in my book.

ARE YOU SHIP-OBSESSED OR SHIP MORE-OR-LESS?

I'm not ship obsessed but I would say it's a fun thing to have cause when you're talkin' to your homies and the muses come u you can talk about the ship, or how a song reminds you of them. Shipping whether it's romantically, platonically or familial, they bring us together as writers and we because better pals cause of it. Cause there's always something to talk about when we wanna forget about that bill we can't pay.

WHAT IS YOUR FAVOURITE SHIP IN YOUR CURRENT FANDOM?

Let me tell you something about my fandom on tumblr: It hardly exists XDD there's really only a handful of us.

FINALLY, HOW DOES ONE SHIP WITH YOU?

Simple, we write. If there's chemistry between the muses well then your muse has got themselves a partner. He's by no means an easy person to love but once you've got him you've got someone that'll be there for your muse indefinitely. And if ya wanna discuss the possibility then my DMs are always open..even if i'm terribly slow with 'em.

tagged: @vartouhix

tagging: Y'all gonna have to steal this one homies. Tag me when ya do cause imma read it.

[nerdygaymormon]

The Illusion of Choice - Therapy Session 10/17/2023

I think this is my fourth session with this therapist, and the sessions are quite unlike any other sessions I've experienced. We talk about books and philosophy and it keeps me a little off balance. I'm used to feeling like there's a plan that the therapist is guiding me through, but this feels very unstructured. It's not that I haven't made progress, but it's very interesting to experience.

One thing he does is reframes my life experiences in ways I never would have thought of, presenting me almost as a hero, and he is so convincing that I almost believe him!

Today he told me about a book he's working on, he's got 11 chapters written so far. It's about a detective in the future who from chapter to chapter meets different people and helps them find an answer to a question. In helping them find answers, the detective is also healing his own wounds. The thing is, each of these chapter is a metaphor for things people work on in therapy.

He shared a few examples with me, giving me summaries of 2 or 3 chapters. Then he asked me to come up with a concept for a chapter and a title to go with it. It's a form of narrative therapy to help me think about myself from an external perspective, a way to understand myself and my journey.

I came up with the title "Illusory Consent."

Consent is voluntary and uncoerced, it has to be authentic. The person giving consent has to be affirmative in communicating the consent, silence doesn't equal consent. Consent means being informed. Consent can be withdrawn.

The detective is perplexed that this person he encounters is upset with their choices. If this isn't what they wanted to choose, then why would they pick this? They consented to this.

But he learns that while it looks like the individual was free to make their own choice, they were manipulated. They were free to make the decision that others in their community approved of.

To ensure the "correct" choice was made, several techniques were employed, such as only being given partial information, or not being told the extent of what they were agreeing to, that agreeing to this also means agreeing to all these things. Sometimes they were emotionally manipulated by having their family brought in to express how proud they are of you for your willingness to make a certain choice and then watching expectantly as the individual is asked if that is their choice.

Is this individual really free to make a choice if not making the "right" choice will bring shame and isolation from their community? Is it a choice if they are told that God only approves of one answer? Are they really consenting to all the ramifications of that decision if they can't understand them or weren't given enough information?

But the truth the individual is learning is that they didn't actually give full consent in any of those instances. They weren't able to give consent as a child for what they would do as an adult. An adult isn't stuck forever with a commitment made by a child who couldn't possibly understand the impact of that choice. It isn't consent if the people you rely on are clear about what the only acceptable choice is. It's not consent if you understood you were agreeing to one thing but didn't know it implied agreeing to a bunch of other things. It isn't consent if you can't withdraw the consent, circumstances change and so can our choices.

If a choice is no longer serving me, I am allowed to make a different choice.

Why would someone allow themselves to remain in a situation like this where they don't feel they have the freedom to make the choices they want to make? Because an important aspect of being human is relationships. We are herd creatures; we need other people. Compromise is required. But when does it go from compromise to unhealthy? When is someone willing to sacrifice so much? Likely when they don't see any alternative that will be better than where they currently are. Fear is a big motivator to stay in abusive relationships and communities.

The detective is a loner who bounces around, meeting people and helping them. He is free to make the decisions he wants. He learns that choices have layers to them. Being in connection and community with others is meaningful and important, but also means to make your own individual choice is harder and takes more courage because it risks losing so much.

[idontwanttospoiltheparty]

what is your mclennon take

All righty then, feel like I haven't been asked this in two years.

(throwback to @phoneybeatlemania asking me this on anon on like day two of my having this blog <3)

I wanna preface this by saying I'm hyper-aware that multiple takes more or less fit the facts. I'm often reading up on what people who disagree with me are saying and try to consider their arguments as seriously as I can. Because of this, I don't feel entirely confident committing to one single take; more, a spectrum of scenarios I find more or less plausible.

(putting this under a read more cause I'm annoying lol)

At this point you can't really convince me John wasn't bi; the evidence is ample and IMO conclusive. Combining that with things John said after the breakup, some of his behaviours and words while the band was together makes him being attracted to Paul seem very likely to me, and I generally operate under that assumption though I do try to sometimes consider other possibilities.

Generally, I don't really buy into the idea that Paul is (meaningfully) attracted to men for two reasons: 1) he's denied it + continues to do so, and I dislike going against someone's word without good reason and 2) all the evidence I've seen for it feels very… Circumstantial. It seems more like a post-hoc explanation for a bunch of not necessarily related behaviours rather than concrete proof. (for example comparing when Paul started growing a beard to when he and Linda got together and concluding a general "return to the safety of heteronormativity" in mid-'68 based on that)

That being said, that doesn't mean I think Paul couldn't possibly be bi and I do see how the fact that he's still alive means that anecdotes like the ones we have of John confirming his consistent interest in men would not have emerged as easily and readily as they did once John died. (and conversely, Paul has outlived most Beatle-era people; I doubt much will come out from that time period at all in the near future, unless his kids decide to share things, but loyalty appears to be the currency of the McCartney Clan so…)

And also, I've seen this implied multiple times so let me reiterate: thinking Paul is not attracted to John is not equivalent to thinking Paul had an in any sense normal friendship with John. I believe that, no matter what, John was important to Paul to a probably slightly unhealthy extent and I don't discount that he's referred to John as some type of soulmate.

Now, timeline-wise, I consider myself somewhat of an outlier in that I'm highly skeptical of the idea that John was attracted to Paul from the moment they met (and, for that matter, if proof of Paul's attraction to men emerged, this skepticism would extend to him as well). But I also don't have some timeline I'm personally subscribed to because I think the evidence on this front is convoluted and somewhat contradictory. I'd say it mostly indicates to me that either a) John experienced multiple waves of infatuation which ebbed and flowed over the years or b) he was somewhat possessive of Paul before he was actually attracted to him. (or a combination of these two) Another thing I don't feel particularly confident about is at what point this attraction would have become conscious (and I err on the side of not believing an unconscious attraction could have lasted especially long)

I usually try to approach them holistically as people and when I can leave the romantic/sexual stuff unaddressed because I think a lot of aspects of their relationship can be analysed regardless of the precise nature of their dynamic. On the other hand, I do acknowledge that both these men were very sex/love-oriented and thus I can't discount it completely.

[jyeshindra]

Hey hope this reaches to you with loads of love!

I have saturn leo in 8th house in natal chart (tropical) and this guy 😶‍🌫️ *I feel so shy bro* he likes me a lot and he is leo sun (I haven't really got a proper chance to ask for his birth time— like how to ask him?lmao; he would be so confused) so is there any like ykyk....future...? Many said that the sign we have in our 8h we can have some issues with them (idk if you're getting it or not— I'm sorry I just suck at english)

More info (tropical): I'm libra sun; mercury; jupiter , scorpio venus;moon, capricorn rising.

Thank you💗💗

Heyy! Sorry for the late reply :3 Just seeing this in my inbox now. Hmm...I'm no synastry expert and what you really need is a proper reading with both charts. Astrology works better in the totality, meaning we need to understand how all the pieces are coming together to make any sort of claims about how the relationship may play out.

What I can say from personal experience and my knowledge is that 8th House synastry is usually pretty intense. I've been the house person and the sun person in this situation and both relationships while platonic in nature, led to a lot of deep sharing of emotional truths, past painful experiences, etc, etc. He likely feels some sort of attachment or bond with you, after all the 8th house is a house of deep intimacy and shared resources. Perhaps there's an aspect of your relationship that feels dependent (to a healthy or unhealthy extent) or perhaps some fears come up in the course of this connection. Any journey into intimacy can be full of roadblocks and wounds that we must unearth and process.

Since you have Saturn there and Saturn can speak to potential fears, you may already have some restriction in the realm of intimacy and sharing with others. I'm unsure if Saturn is conjunct his Sun in your synastry chart but if it is, there's a lot of potential for growth and stability in your relationship. Saturn will deepen the energy and require concentration and effort, but the rewards are always worth it when it comes to Saturn. It's stabilizing quality could lend itself to a longer connection too. It just may take WORK. Saturn is lessons and some lessons are hard to learn! They force us to look at ourselves, which is not always a pleasurable experience. The Sun person will push the Saturn person to progress beyond their own limitations.

Also I feel like Libras and Leos just have a lot of fun together LOL. Leo can help Libra be a little more decisive while Libra can teach Leo to be a bit more collaborative and less egocentric. You've got Scorpio and Capricorn placements, so you may be a bit more private, but generally I've known Libras and Leos to enjoy being social, outgoing, and talking to different people. The romance in this relationship will be on ten and I'm sure Libra will appreciate such a demonstrative partner that Leo can be.

All in all, 8th House can be tricky and there's pros and cons. But, astrology is not definitive. You have so much power and control over your life and where that relationship goes. Trust your instincts and your perception of reality. All I can really do is speculate and give you my honest opinion.

But I wish you the best of luck with this guy :3 Relationships can be such a beautiful thing.

And don't be shy about asking for a birth time! I do it constantly and people are pretty receptive.

[maglors-anion-gap]

(@cosmic-walkers so sorry for the late reply - work was very busy this week. Posting our thread as a new post because I feel bad gumming yours up with a bunch of reblogs. RIP to everyone's dash tho, the ADHD is leaping out and this post will not be short.)

Note: the text in all the images has been copied into the image description function on desktop. let me know if for some reason it can't be accessed.

Anyway, cosmic-walkers and I had a really good exchange about maeglin and his treatment in text that got me thinking again about eol and the difficulties I've had engaging with his narrative even after coming around to a more nuanced.

I mentioned this in my tags and asked how folks go about repairing eol's narrative:

And I got a really thoughtful reply that, with permission, I'm sharing here so that more people can see it. Hopefully it is as interesting to you all as it was to me. (browse images right to left, top to bottom. comments organized in vertical order in each image).

Thank you @cosmic-walkers for taking the time to write that out for me. It absolutely makes sense, and I actually really love getting long messages because I feel like the length constraints of both tags and comments hinder free conversation.

Thank you @cosmic-walkers for taking the time to write that out for me. It absolutely makes sense, and I actually really love getting long messages because I feel like the length constraints of both tags and comments hinder free conversation.

I have a degree in public health, and my focus was interpersonal and family violence; I don't bring it up to toot my own horn, but rather to offer some context for readers here and to draw from as I analyze the patterns of behavior in the narrative.  For what its worth, I think that more nuanced readings of eol's character line up pretty well with frameworks for understanding unhealthy relationships, abusive relationships, and family violence.

I think it makes people uncomfortable to engage with the idea that abusers are humans.  I don't mean that people ought to feel a preponderance of sympathy for them (at the expense of their victims), but rather that humans have human triggers, motivations, and psychologies.  Of course, we are talking about elves, but *vague hand waving.*  I joke that my degree was the most expensive, circuitous way to get therapy, but it really did help to engage with concepts like family systems theory to understand my own life and move forward in healing past "that sucked and my abuser is a monster .... who somehow manages to treat everyone else well... why me?"

Family systems theory posits that abuse can arise in certain dynamics and be conducted by people who, in other dynamics, would not act abusively.  It asks us to describe both the overarching family system as well as the subsystems that exist between different members.  Noise in one subsystem echoes to impact the rest of the system.  It emphasizes the impact of boundaries (divisions, openness or isolation, emotional closeness), roles (patterns of behavior, and who may be targeted/blamed/scapegoated), rules (spoken and unspoken standards, traditions, and guidelines), and hierarchy (power, who holds it, respect and lack thereof).  People chafe against the the last concept, feedback and circular causality, because when applied incorrectly it can sound like the victims are provoking their own abuse - this is not true, and it should not be applied like this.  It only means that a relationship yields certain behaviors depending on its climate, and that once a pattern of behavior is established it becomes harder to break. 

When analyzing family systems theory, many people choose to pair it with the family resilience model, which prioritizes repairing the broken aspects of (sub)system relationships, hilighing positive characteristics and using them as strengths to propel other behavior change, and promoting flexibility, openness, and equitability of social and economic resources to stabilize (sub)systems to begin the healing process.  Of course, not everyone wishes to remain in contact with their abuser.  Of my two abusers, one I have cut contact with and the other I now have a healthy relationship with.  But, utilizing models and evidence based practice like this is critical to actually understanding and then remediating abuse and its damage.   

Edit 1/1/23: I forgot to mention the impact of stress on abuse. Many abusers release their stress, confusion, and concerns in the form of abuse because they don’t have another way to process and positively direct those emotions. This can be caused by lack of emotional intelligence or ability to self regulate and soothe, lacking interpersonal communication skills, poor modeling from their own role models. I’ve written evidence-based program plans for mitigating teen dating violence, and to make an impact you have to far in advance of the common age of onset of dating violence. We should be teaching stress management tools, emotional regulation, communication skills, and bodily autonomy is late primary and early elementary school. But many people connect dating violence and sex in their minds and don’t want to talk about it with kids. In reality, a lot of abuse happens because of disregulation, not because of inappropriate desire. This is compounded in real life by theories of power and hierarchical respect - if people feel like someone is of higher value than them, they treat them respectfully, but if they feel like they are the person of higher value, they feel it is within their rights (and perhaps a just affirmation/ defense of system hierarchy) to treat them as they please.

I bring all this up because after reading your comments, I tried using it to analyze the system of Eol, Aredhel, and Maeglin, and the subsystems between them.  We agree that as a whole, their family system is tense, unequal, and prone to violence (not necessarily the physical kind). Edit 1/1/23: everyone in the family is experiencing stressors, including Eol himself. The way he responds to these stressors is not healthy and has an impact on the subsystems of their family.

The subsystem of Aredhel and Maeglin is the easiest to analyze in some ways, and there's a wealth of knowledge to pick over.  The two of them are emotionally close, open with each other, ally with each other (as in, we do not canonically see either of them display pecking order behavior in which one abuse victim then abuses someone less powerful in another subsystem), and seem to have similar power distance (aredhel is his mother, but she is not characterized as being domineering toward him, and has about as much systemic power as maeglin in comparison to eol, though eol treats maeglin worse initially, forming a subsystem I discuss next).  

Eol and Maeglin form a fractious subsystem.  It is characterized by high power distance, emotional isolation (see: not naming Maeglin until he was far along in childhood), and Eol regards him more as a possession than as someone worthy of his respect and basic dignity (see: the attempted murder).  Resources is a more uniquely human concept, but Eol is the lord of Nan Elmoth, he exerts some control over the forest, he maintains his own staff and people, and he has the ability to forbid (and enforce) certain behaviors.  Maeglin spends more time with his mother than father (out of the house too, if memory serves, though this may not be so odd for elves) and dreams of running away to Gondolin, and it seems to me that Aredhel's tales of Gondolin (ironically, a city-prison of another sort) are so sweet to him because of his current family situation.  

Aredhel and Eol form the third and final subsystem.  I think it is important to note here that many, if not most, abusive relationships begin well.  At baseline, many abusers are adept at concealing red flag behaviors until they successfully lock down their victim.  But I am more interested in exploring the family systems model of abuse here (Eol is often analyzed using the characteristics of a serial abuser, and while some people fit that model, in combination with the terrible handling of race and culture in this arc, brute caricatures, and white damsels, I think it does more to reinforce an over-done reading that leans into rather than away from Tolkien's biases).  

As you so rightly mention, Aredhel and Eol begin their relationship with a certain degree of love.  We can see some differences in power, agency, and respect from the start - I am reminded of Eol enchanting the woods to draw Aredhel in.  However, this is a storytelling device common to fairy tales, even ones intended to be read romantically, and because I am a huge lover of the Ballad of Tam Lin I must be honest with myself and admit that this alone can be taken as a stylistic choice and not an indicator of purely evil intentions.  

The difference in power only grows as Eol forbids Aredhel to visit the lands of the Noldor; this puts her in a difficult bind, as she is also not welcome in the largest kingdom of the Sindar.  In general, controlling someone's movements indicates a paternalism and lack of respect that it's difficult to build a healthy relationship on.  Now, initially they do go about exploring together, and I think this is something that would have endeared Eol to Aredhel, something she would have enjoyed, something they could have found common ground in, and something that perhaps reminded her of old friends like Celegorm.  As their relationship degrades, we see mentions of that closeness, emotional openness, and equity of station disappear.  Now Eol goes about his business, Aredhel concerns herself with their son, and they wait until Eol is gone to flee.

On the topic of why people agree to the demands of abusive or otherwise toxic partners, when interviewed many people say that they would like to stay with their partner but that they just want the abuse/hurtful behavior to stop.  Now, it's not always possible to achieve that, but many people love their abusers. They make excuses to themselves, their families, and to the medical and legal system to protect them.  We cannot discount the impact fear, threats, isolation, and lack of resources have on this behavior, but it would be wrong to dismiss the emotional attachment many people feel.  I believe this is a valid reason why Aredhel would initially entertain Eol's demand that she not travel in noldor lands (additionally, she has only had experience with her brother at this point, and Turgon eventually relented and let her go, so perhaps she thinks she can eventually wear Eol down into relaxing his restrictions).  It would also explain why she pleads twice to save Eol's life. 

Now, I think their relationship, even before Maeglin was (lovingly) conceived, was poised to fall apart.  Eol cannot get past his opinions of the noldor, and while those opinions are not incorrect and are, on their own, valid to hold, he marries a noldor woman and has a half-noldor child with her.  I think a certain lack of trust in Aredhel, and lack of respect for her cultural background, lays the foundation for his abuse of their son.  I read some excellent meta recently about the functional impact of the Quenya ban, and the writer posed that by banning Quenya, the language and culture was associated with kinslayers - thusly, anyone who wanted to participate in political life in Beleriand (which required peace and intergroup co-operation) would have to disavow not just the kinslayings (despite being overwhelmingly kinslayers themselves) but also there heritage.  I can see this kind of mentality come out strongly in Eol's treatment of Maeglin: he is concerned that Aredhel teaching Maeglin about her family is like a poison to him, that any faith he has in his wife's good nature or his own ability to parent effectively and teach Maeglin about his own culture is overwhelmed by the canker of noldorin culture.  

I think this further corroborates your claim that their relationship slowly degrades from good to bad, because I don't think Aredhel would have tolerated that initially, and if we follow LaCE I'm not sure conceiving Maeglin would be possible with the degree of animosity we see toward the end of their relationship.  But I might push a little on the idea that the relationship between Aredhel and Eol was healthy up until the birth of Maeglin.  I think the introduction of Maeglin to the family, the creation of two new subsystems, the shift and echo of power within the system, all combine to catalyze abuse.  But a loving relationship does not equal a healthy relationship, and loving and being loved by someone does not mean that you have a true, deep respect for each other.  It is fully possible to be in love with someone, care deeply about them - and be unable to relate meaningfully to them, or understand their fears or needs. This is how I perceive Aredhel and Eol's relationship almost up until the moment she flees from him.

Now I have some loose end thoughts.  Regarding the impact of Eol's parenting on Maeglin, there is some interesting research on chronic fear in children that I refer to now.  Chronic (prolonged, or recurring) fear in children causes a host of acute and chronic issues later, both physiological and psychological.  Blood sugar, stress hormone levels, sleep health, capacity for and strength of emotional attachment, attention span, short and long term memory, sociability and antisocial behaviors, and rage are all negatively impacted by experiencing chronic fear.  Fear is a word that has certain connotations in people's minds, but in this context it can mean anything from living in a war zone, to experiencing abuse, to being bullied or growing up being discriminated against for any reason, to being food or housing insecure, to being routinely disciplined in an illogical/punitive manner.  Not all sources of fear are imminent physical threats (there is a reason it is a separate and unique felony crime, for example, for a child to witness abuse taking place even if the child is technically safe).  

So we can look at all this and apply this to how we think Maeglin thinks, feels, and interacts with the world considering his poor relationship with his father, the disintegrating relationship between his father and mother, his introduction to gondolin (and losing both parents), and then the discrimination he faces within Gondolin.  He moves from one system of fear to another system of fear, and the irony is that his father couldn't stand him for his mother's heritage and the Gondolindhrim judge him for his father's.  I think in some ways, Nan Elmoth and Gondolin are reflections of each other, and what happens when xenophobia, isolationism, and fear come into play.

Something else that came to mind while writing was that different groups of Sindar view the Noldor differently. Doriath views them as a challenger to the rule of Beleriand, and this is evident in how Thingol speaks of his kingship and the laws he makes.  Some Sindar go with Turgon to Gondolin - though the ruling class, and the historians like Penlodh are all Noldor, so while Maeglin was not entirely alone in Gondolin, he still was not truly free, and the historical record after his death is most definitely biased.  the Sindar in the north see the Noldor as allies - though again, similarly to the Sindar that took Turgon as their Lord, or the Edain immediately swearing to elvish Lords, I see Tolkien's bias and racial hierarchy creeping in here to determine "logical" progressions of events.  I think all of this contributes to a very tense environment in Beleriand, between the noldor and the sindar, between different groups of sindar, etc etc, and different groups would likely have different fears/reactions to the Noldor.  I think Eol was poised, with his cultural trauma, for his marriage to fail.  And he is mentioned in connection to Thingol, not Círdan, so his cultural and political context comes into play here.  Additionally, we have no idea how old he is.  Thingol (and Círdan too iirc) is old enough to remember the Teleri that left for Valinor; this is speculation, but Eol could be as well, which would at least contextualize his intense reaction to the kinslayings as an even more personal grief. 

This was a very long free-form way of processing what I think about Eol, and I think I can safely say I find him more interesting as a character now.  I really wanted to like him! I tried so hard! I can find something to like about almost every character in the legendarium (even if it's just a "wow that is such an interesting/stimulating way to build characterization").  And I think I can do that with Eol now.  I think there's so much to explore re: Nan Elmoth, his skill as a smith, and his relationship with the dwarves.  

I actually think it was you that posted about Feanor and Eol being similar, and the thought crossed my mind again as I was writing this up, firstly because of their similar passions, but also because I think they respond to stress, fear, and grief in a similar way.  Neither of them handle it well, and they take it out on the people around them.  In fact, I think it's great to contrast these two.  On the one hand, we have Feanor, grieving his mother, his father, the last bit of stability in Valinor, and feeling like he doesn't belong in that society, that he's tainted, and that everyone secretly hates him (Morgoth's brain worms aren't helping).  On the other hand, we have Eol, who is grieving the murder of his kinsfolk, and who views the arrival of the noldor as the colonization and the potential obliteration of his people (a valid fear to have, and corroborated by those princes of the noldor who cross the sea not to fight Morgoth but to obtain kingdoms of their own).  And of course, the threat of imprisonment in Gondolin for life is the last straw, and very important in my mind when considering what Eol does next.  

It just came to mind, but you could perhaps draw a parallel between Eol trying to kill Maeglin as a perverse mercy killing to spare him the pain of being an outcast in Gondolin, and Denethor trying to burn himself and Faramir alive to prevent their remains from falling into the hands of the Enemy.  Eol has a certain love for his son, and unfortunately it's the killing kind.  

Again, I really appreciate you taking the time to talk with me, and I'm in agreement with you!  It was really helpful to hear your thoughts.  In a way, it was kind of freeing to hear you say Eol was kind of crap?  The last conversation I had (years ago) with someone about Eol and transformative works, I got the distinct sense that they thought anything less than a fully exculpatory reading of Eol (and reworking the narrative to place the blame of Aredhel's death on "an accident" or "getting between Turgon's men and Eol") was not good enough to repair the narrative.  And don't get me wrong! I actually really enjoy AUs and canon divergence, and this arc is no exception!  

But sometimes I like to stick closer to canon, and pick apart the biases in the narrative and how they're impacting the characters, especially in an arc that is tied so closely to those characters.  I had a pretty firm grasp of the biases at play, but I didn't have as good a handle on the dynamic between Eol and Aredhel and that really tripped me up when I considered possible adaptations to their arc.

My final thought is that I hate having the only character of XYZ background be the villain.  I think the way I can potentially get around that is that because it's easier to repair Maeglin's narrative, it's easy for me to make Maeglin sympathetic.  As you said, Eol is sympathetic, and nuanced, but also kind of a shitty guy.  Whereas Maeglin is sympathetic, nuanced, does some things are are Not Well Adjusted, but also imminently likable once the narrative biases are stripped away.  Most of Maeglin's "Crimes" in the narrative are like "he was in love with his cousin, but he was respectful and didn't say anything about it, but she was a mindreader and found out anyway," and "wow he's so close to the king, that's suspicious (even though they're blood related and that's not a red flag at all)" and "he gave up the city ... to gain his cousin as a prize ... but he was tortured first,  so maybe it was the torture that really sealed the deal, not the cousin-loving?"  Sorry, abrupt departure from academic language into dark humor.  But yeah.  Fully fleshing out both of these characters - and maybe including some of the sindar of Gondolin and Nan Elmoth as OC's even? - is maybe the way to go.

[slickchickchocolatier]

so i was rereading hhp and this line caught my eye"..But if you’re ever the cause of my downfall, I’m taking you down with me." what it does this exactly mean? has heeseung ever thought about it deeply? the what "if" she did something hat would cause it

Hi love! Basically, heethan considers him and y/n as one. If he’s happy, y/n will be happy. If he’s in despair (that is if y/n was the cause of his agony) then he’s going to make sure she feels the same. Kind of vindictive really. He loves y/n and will never stop loving you, even if you pull off some stunt that hurt him, he’s just going to get back at you and still love you….but you may suffer a bit. While their relationship is beautiful in a lot of ways, it’s also technically considered unhealthy bc heethan is very much in love, but also very obsessed and possessive of y/n, not to mention is has a bit of this controlling vibe with y/n. It’s not too extreme but nonetheless, it’s still there. Y/n is all he can think about day in and day out and he’s just completely enamored with y/n.

He loves y/n deeply and has expressed that in so many ways (to include saving her) and so many times.

yet if she were to pull all the shit that his ex’s did, like leaving him or caused him grief by not loving him anymore, he would be in despair and he kind of would take things a bit far or extreme to get y/n back but in a brutal or vengeful manner. Heethan had some gf’s in the past that ultimately ended up being shitty women, but he didn’t really care and just tossed them without so much as giving them a second glance. He got disappointed but never really heartbroken, just a bit hurt.

but with y/n….he won’t let go. If she were to hurt him, he’s going to still love her and want her, but he’s going to hurt her right back. And that’s all I can say bc if I say too much more, it will spoil one of the upcoming one shot of the anon who asked “what if y/n tried to break up with heethan?” 😯 it’s going to be a good read but be prepared for some brutality. You’re going to see a side of heethan that hasn’t been seen, and while it’s technically canon or a part of the series, the mannerisms and the path he will take is very much canon in the aspect that if the situation actually happened, that’s how he’s going to do it. He’s coming for you whether you want him to or not.

[svartalfhild]

Headcanon that even though personality wise Ashton is more forward and dominant than Laudna, if they ever get into a relationship with her he is quite submissive physically.

He will immediately stop what they are doing if Laudna asks if they could kiss/hug/etc.

They are always happy to let her take the lead despite them being more experienced when it came to relationships.

Despite her playing Pate as a horny rat, Laudna is not necessarily that…interested(?)…when it came to things like that? Or maybe she is but she’s not entirely sure how to express it well? Either way, her relationship with Ashton is more of a romantic-platonic (?)/chaste/(?) for the most part.

Ashton melts when Laudna gives him careful and tender kisses along his cracks and near their exposed head. If they are near any surface/furniture/bed, Ashton is sure to lean against it and allow themselves to slide down along or sink into it while gently wrapping his arms around Laudna so that she can continue kissing and snuggling with them as he melts into a puddle underneath her kisses.

Ashton thought Laudna was fun-scary when they first met her; then again they weren’t a child and they’ve seen plenty of weird stuff before.

Ashton wasn’t jealous when Laudna went on a group date with the other ladies + Pretty the Ogre. Either because they didn’t have a crush on her yet, or because yes they did have a crush but he wasn’t that insecure or self-centered to act like she shouldn’t date anyone else. It’s her life.

Maybe he found out he liked her liked her — wasn’t just simply attracted to her — when they both almost got competitive about the possibility of having a drink with Ira, when Imogen suggested they both do a trio date instead of arguing about who got to hang with the Nightmare King. The thought that crossed their mind: works perfectly for me, I get to date the both of them!…wait.

Or maybe they found out earlier when he noticed her sad mood and tension with Imogen and they reached out, lent both an ear and shoulder to cry on, and offered advice because it hurts a lot to see her hurting.

Oh yeah, I've had some similar thoughts to a few of these points.

I defs get the vibe that Ashton would let Laudna set the pace about a lot of things in their relationship, because she's much less experienced with those kinds of feelings and behaviours and has been so far removed from the notion of romance for herself for so long that it would probably all feel very new and confusing for her in a way that I don't think it would for Ashton. Because of that and because of her history of being manipulated, controlled, and belittled, it would be very important for Ashton wait for her go on many aspects of their relationship. I don't know that I would necessarily call it physical submissiveness on Ashton's part. Or at least I would say it's more complicated than that.

Ashton is clearly very protective towards Laudna, both emotionally and physically, and we know they are quite willing to grab her and move her for her own safety as well as challenge her unhealthy behaviours and the way she sees herself, and I think that would translate to some degree in how they move and occupy space around her as her partner.

Because the pair of them have such similar traumas, I like to think that would create a sort of back and forth between them of some days it's Ashton that needs that physical comfort and reassurance, because some days everything sucks so much more than usual, and some days, it's Laudna, because sometimes setting the pace means asking Ashton to take the reins. Some days, she needs the reminder that she's a person and she is loveable and there are people who want to help and care for her. In this way, I think they could achieve a very healthy balance in such a relationship.

Laudna and Ashton both strike me as aspec, so the idea that their relationship would be a bit more sensual than sexual defs resonates with me. Ashton seems like he's demiromantic and Laudna seems like she's somewhere on the ace spectrum. I've seen people say that Pâté is clearly evidence of Laudna's heavily repressed sexuality, but I see it as quite the opposite. A lot of ace people love making horny characters, because of a fascination with what is a foreign way of being to us, and I think she made Pâté Like That purely for the lolz, as any ace would.

One of the most healthy things about Ashton I think is his lack of jealousy (although he may still feel it and simply repress it like everything else; we don't know). He seems the sort of person who is much more focused on what makes the people he cares about happy than on how they feel about him. That probably comes out of some less healthy behaviours, but at least he still arrives at the right conclusion there.

There are lots of moments I think we could point to for Ashton and go "ah, yes, it could have been right there", but I will say, for Laudna, there's one moment that really stands out. If there's anything so far that would be a good point to say "she first really noticed Ashton there", I think it's the sandstorm conversation, because she makes a face at the end of that conversation that reads to me like a "huh, am I getting vibes from Ashton?" sort of face.

[aafrillia]

CHAPTER 1: ON DARK PLACE

A summary of the book Why Has Nobody Told Me This Before? by Dr. Julie Smith

“I don’t feel like doing anything…”

You see, I enjoy zumba and fitness dance a lot, but when I’m in a low mood, I just can’t seem to get up and move my body to the music. Even scrolling through YouTube Shorts or any social media feels like a chore for me, despite having a bit of addiction to it. I bet most people might relate to that feeling somehow.

We just don’t feel like doing things we usually enjoy. Basically, we feel like sh*t.

I recently picked up this self-development book again after a while. It's gotten kind of dusty in the bookshelves since I chose to read novels instead lmao. The book is a mental health self-help book written by Dr. Julie Smith with the title Why Has Nobody Told Me This Before? 

As Dr. Smith wrote in her book, she believes that what we feel is not just a result of our brain, but ‘it’s everything you do and don’t do’. It means it doesn’t just come all of a sudden, especially when we feel down. While receiving a gift or hearing good news can bring joy and good mood, experiencing low mood also comes from various unpleasant aspects of our lives such as from our habits, diet, relationships, career, living conditions and lifestyle. In fact, when we give in to those unhealthy habits and actually do that, it will just make our mood worse.

When we get stuck in that vicious cycle, our judgement becomes blurred and we think that nothing will change even if we try. Even more so, we end up hiding them away; avoid addressing them, and just bottle them up until we numb ourselves. That’s not a good way to cope with them, for sure.

Dr. Smith said that we actually have power to influence our emotions; meaning we can work on our own wellbeing and take control of our emotional health. She also said that our emotions are not fixed and don't necessarily define who we are, they’re only sensations we experience.

So if we feel physical and mental discomfort which often result from neglecting our sleep for screen time or anything we do out of FOMO, which are obviously things we cause ourselves, that surely would get us feeling low. Yet these are habits that we can change.

How?

First, we should be aware of all things that are influencing our experience; such as our thoughts, emotions, bodily sensations, and actions. It’s necessary to be aware of them because essentially these aspects come simultaneously to create our experience. Thus, we’ve got to break them down and recognize them one by one, so we can find ways to help ourselves.

This figure may help us understand how those aspects influence each other.

At first, noticing each of those aspects in detail wouldn’t be easy, but once we get familiar with what’s happening in our body and mind, we can broaden this awareness to looking at what’s happening in our environment, relationships, and how it’s affecting our internal experience and behavior.

We can ask ourselves these questions to help in recognizing those aspects:

When I am feeling this, what am I thinking about?

When I am feeling this, what state is my body in?

How was I looking after myself in the days or hours leading up to this feeling?

Is this an emotion or just physical discomfort from an unmet need?

There are a lot of questions, but sometimes we can find the answers, while other times, we cannot, and that’s totally OK.

To wrap it up, we have the ability to control our emotions, but it doesn’t necessarily mean those negative emotions would just vanish. It does need time and effort. By recognizing what’s happening in our body and mind, as well as everything around us, it will guide us to find ways so we can bounce back to feel like ourselves again. Have faith in yourself!

[mysticalserenity-tarot]

Hello, how are you? If you're offering free readings, may i ask for one please? I wanted to know how my life will change after my wedding? Meaning, what all changes will married life bring into my life? Thanks a lot for this opportunity 🙏. I'm C, sun sag, moon aries, rising scorpio. 🙏

Hii, C! sure you can 🤍

So for your reading I got: Ace of Swords, 2 of Swords RV, Page of Cups, and 3 of Pentacles (Top of the deck), and I saw multiple times The Devil card

The Ace of Swords is the card of clarity. It suggests a powerful spark or a spark of insights or transformation in your thoughts, that can usher in unexpected positive changes in your life through/after marriage. While this is positive card, the 2 of swords Reversed may point towards some communication challenges or issues, that may arise after the marriage, specifically related to misunderstanding, miscommunication, conflicts. The Page of Cups may suggest new opportunities and potential for growth and development in the area of emotions and feelings after through the marriage. Those potential of development and growth may usher from conflicts , however it's extremely important to have an open communication with your spouse. Tell this person every bad though you may have, every dark moment you may go through. He'll listen!

The three of Pentacles, which is the teamwork card, at the top of the deck may indicate that the marriage will involve a strong sense of teamwork, collaboration and mutual support.

As for the Devil card which I saw it multiple times while shuffling like my eyes couldn't miss it 😂 could be hinting at something more challenging, negative emotions within the marriage so it's important to communicate them with your spouse. It could indicate a need to work on some shadow aspects or unconscious aspects of one of you (or both) to avoid the potential for it to bleed into the relationship. So, it's a sign to pay attention to and be mindful of potential negative emotions and behavior. What I also see with the Devil is that there may be some obsession or unhealthy obsession from you or your spouse part, or even with eachother (jealousy, possessiveness for example), unless there's open communication. I know I always mention it but it's extremely important in every kind of relationship.

It's important to remember that the cards do not necessarily dictate the future, it's not set in stone. Instead, they offer potential guidance and insights into certain paths or potential outcomes.

[woefullyweird]

Hello, again

It's been awhile since I've written. Not because I have found clarity, healed my heart until it was something I thought I could consider whole, but sometimes you lose yourself. I don't mean in a sense of being depressed, down in a hole, I still had enjoyable moments, times of happiness. But that doesn't mean I am okay.

Sometimes in life when a lot hits us at once, we shut down. We flip that switch and go into a kind of airplane mode. I found that my world was falling a part in multiple aspects. My home life, my future, the boy I loved so much, all crumbling beneath me.

But where do you start? When you step into a huge mess sometimes it's hard to find a place to start. It's like pouring out the puzzle pieces and not knowing where to go when you don't have a picture and all the pieces are flipped over.

Instead of dealing with it, trying to find two pieces that went together. I got up from the coffee table and took a shower.

I still don't have any answers. I am swimming through mud trying to focus on basic needs. So what has changed?

I am willing to start acknowledging the mess in front of me. So, here it is:

I have always been family oriented. I have great parents and a wonderful community. They have been there for me always and listened to all of my problems. Though my family has never been considered normal, we make it work. With that being said, my family had a massive tornado hit us. Someone who I had loved, protected, listened to, supported, hurt the people I loved most. Fights between loved ones is a difficult feeling to go through. I have up until this point in my life never seen my parents cry. The role of child and parent had reversed. How does that work? There is no handbook on how to become the parent of someone who raised you until this point in your life. My parents told my intimate parts of themselves, insecurities, fears they had. I saw my parents in a whole different light.

For me, it started this unhealthy cycle of taking on the pain of the people around me. That's what you do for the people you love right? But my cup was overflowing, to the point that I could have filled a thousand cups with the amount of water I was trying to fit into one singular glass. I wasn't able to take a step back and realize how I felt about the whole thing. All I could focus on was taking care of my parents and being their shoulder to cry on. But where does that leave me? When will someone ask me how I feel? Consider how putting all their baggage on my back will affect me.

For me, that question really took a toll on me. I started thinking about the relationships in my life and the weights of give and take in each one. The more I looked, the sadder I got. When do people ask about me? When was the last time someone asked if I was okay?

When something bad happens and you need a shoulder to cry on, we all have that person that we go to, we call. For me, that was a man I loved, but I didn't truly have to myself. When I talked about deep things, brought up hard issues, he never shied away. He maintained eye-contact, asked questions, felt what I was feeling, tried to put himself in my shoes.

This was one of those moments that I needed to call him. I needed to be with him. My friends couldn't give me the clarity I needed. I never found the sympathy I needed. I knew he would have given me that. But, there is no him anymore. Because he isn't mine, he never was, and that was made even more clear when I saw him kissing her. His new girlfriend.

There was nothing to feel. No emotion. No feeling. Nothing I could think to say. I had lost something I cherished. And couldn't even mourn it in that moment. I still can't truly put into words how it makes me feel. I think that is what truly saddens me. I can't feel, like there's nothing to feel. But there is. I loved him. You never forget your first love. It always has a place in your heart no matter what.

...

After writing all of this, I don't know how to go forward. How to end this fat thing. I think it fits, there is no great way to end this. I don't know where I'm going. I have no plan, no idea. But I am hoping to find some clarity. I believe the first step is acknowledging it. Writing it all down, matter of fact. But now I need to dig, find out how I really feel about it.

[nadzhosny2]

Late night relationship advice on DM

Instagram DM is a weird place.

A recent conversation on DM with a friend late one night progressed into a full blown critique of the sort of relationships our generation have been engaging in, how far we have fallen, how lost we are. Now considering the conversation started because I posted a meme bashing the Netflix generation for not knowing how to watch tv without a pause button, how we used to fit a bathroom, bedroom and kitchen break all in one and when our sibling would scream “IT’S BAAACCCKKK”, we would parkour over the furniture to get back in time. They know NOTHING, these weaklings. Anyway, how we got onto the topic of relationships, I still don’t know hence my first statement.

I hadn’t given the topic of romantic relationships and love much thought for a very long time; COVID, work and traveling had me so occupied that it didn’t allow for such frivolities and I was quite happy to keep it that way. I was absorbed into every other aspect of life that I became comfortable with it not holding a place within it. I relished in my own company after years of neglecting it by constantly surrounding myself with others. The solitude became addicting.

I watched my friends find partners and navigate the turbulent waters of romance without knowing that I was taking mental notes of what I want and don’t want. So when my friend asked me how I manage being single, I said I have certain expectations and I won’t settle for less (I am filled with much wisdom, thank you for noticing). She proceeded to ask me what I look for in the hopes of setting me up, bless her sweet match-making soul. “Very basic stuff which apparently is quite difficult to come by these days; someone honest, trustworthy, funny and intelligent” was my response. She wholeheartedly agreed and hit me with a hard truth that still has me reeling, “is bare minimum that hard that we have to ask for it?”

We have been led to believe that being with anyone is better than being alone so we settle for whatever little the other person has to offer. That asking for more will be asking too much, hence the rise of “situationships” and toxic relationships. Our generation is chock full of them and we have become so terrified of being unattached that we would rather put ourselves through hell than be single.

Where is the sense in that?

Relationships are supposed to complement your life, not make it difficult. A partner should be someone who respects, values and appreciates you, which is the BASIC FOUNDATION of any relationship. If you don’t have any of these things, you are insulting yourself by staying. You are dating quicksand; they will keep dragging you down, further and further and there is no bottom.

Being alone is infinitely better than being with someone who does not deserve you and treats you as if you are expendable. Do yourself a favour darling and respect yourself enough to not accept anything less than what you are worth. Know the things you want and are unwilling to compromise over, if that means you’ll be single for months or even years, it doesn’t matter. I promise you it will be worth it and you’ll thank yourself (or me) for it.

Getting into or staying in a unfulfilling relationship because you’re scared to be lonely is the same thing as going grocery shopping when you’re hungry.

Now I’m sure you’re very confused so let me explain.

You’ll be willing to buy anything that satisfies your cravings when you’re hungry and will end up spending more money than you should on things you don’t need, are extremely unhealthy and you’ll regret profoundly rather than going when you’re full and satisfied so you’ll be mindful, look for the right things, the ones you actually need and are healthy and nutritious. Do you understand now? I’m sure equating an important life decision to food shopping is unconventional but it’s also genius. Don’t grocery shop when you’re hungry and don’t get into a relationship when you’re lonely- words to live by.

Spend time getting to know yourself on a deeper level, discover what your standards and boundaries are, what you value in life and in a romantic partner. Revel in your solitude and focus on bettering yourself. You will breathe a massive sigh of relief, one that emanates from the deepest recesses of your soul and you will be cussing yourself out for not doing it sooner.

When you feel good, you attract good; this should be a law. When someone exudes self esteem, confidence and self respect, it will deter all unworthy candidates from your direction. The opposite is also true and sadly is much more common. You can radiate loneliness and desperation and like sharks smelling blood in the water, the unworthy will pounce and leave you a broken, self pitying shell. Life is too short for that nonsense, DO NOT PERMIT IT.

Don’t you think there is a reason Shakespeare wrote sonnets? That millions of songs have been written about love? That magnificent art has been inspired by since the beginning of time? You deserve that butterflies in your stomach, moony-eyed, goosebump inducing, heart melting, passionate, growing old together sort of love that poetry, music and art speak about. Don’t settle for anything less.

A huge thank you to Jaisha for giving me the inspiration to write after 4 months of silence ❤

[novasdarling]

Headcanons

The Ask:

Yes I've been neglecting him too much!

TW: Yandere themes like kidnapping mentioned and stalking, sexual acts, unhealthy tendencies.

CHARACTERS AGED UP!

SFW

The moment he laid his eyes on you, he was completely obsessed. First by your looks. Then when he got to know you, it was your personality as well. Amazed at how someone could be so intriguing in all aspects.

Shinsou would be lying if he said he didn't notice how your outfit hugged your body. Watching as the material moved with you. It was hypnotizing.

He stalked you for a bit, though he would prefer it to be titled as “protecting you” cause that was what he was doing. Just watching over you, making sure no big bad villains got to you. He was a professional hero after all. It was his duty, plain and simple. So what if he mainly focuses on one civilian more than others. He’s still doing his hero duties. Still protecting the public, just with a narrower scope.

Shinsou knew everything after a few months, your favourite colour, food, movie. He needed to know it all. Perhaps if he did, it would make getting into a relationship with you easier. He already had a plan for you two to properly meet. You tended to hang around where there were a lot of villains. He wouldn’t be surprised if you got in-between an attack. It was highly likely especially if he used his quirk to get them to go in your direction. He could sweep in and save you.

Once he has you, he’ll be your sweet friend at first. He’s such a good listener. Always being up to message you no matter the time. He always managed to know when you were hungry and too lazy to cook. Inviting you out. His treat of course.

When he finally gets the courage to ask you out. Shinsou will make sure to get a yes out of you. I mean he’s already shown you how good he is to you. It’s not unexpected that you agreed to the date.

Shinsou panics a bit before the date. Worried you wouldn't like him, that you'd fear him even though you two had been talking for a while.

It wouldn’t be long till he offers for you to move in with him. You’d be lucky if he even waits 6 months after you guys start dating. Don’t say no, he might have to do something drastic if you do.

When relaxing at home you’re usually on his lap, either seated facing him or the T.V. Or even laying your head on his thighs. He just needed your contact all the time.

NSFW

Now it will take Shinsou a bit to gain the courage to actually get you anywhere near his bedroom, but make no mistake he would leave lingering touches on your body. His hands are usually on you, especially your thighs, they’re just so fucking soft and nice, how could he resist.

Not a fan of PDA, but once you get to either your place or his. He’s all over you. Kisses are left along your neck and collar bone. Hickies mixing in, the bruises he leaves on you are just so pretty, decorating your skin screaming you belong to him. They help those creeps on the street away, reminding you that you’re his.

When Shinsou finally does get you in the bedroom he tends to always start off slow and easy, almost lazy even. But after a while, when he realizes how much he loves to hear you whine and moan his name. Oh, he just can’t get enough. Needing to hear it all the time. Leading to him focusing on you and making you feel good.

He goes between being a talker and just grunting and moaning in your ear. Depends on how hard his day was. If he still has energy from his shift: “Oh, fuck baby. That’s it. Fuck you feel so good.” “I need you. I need all of you. All I could think about was you today. Driving me fucking crazy.”

Now when his day was a bit tougher, he tends to let his actions do the talking: “Fuck, so tight.” “So good. All mine.” “Yeah, take it, baby. Take it all.”

He will have you tied up in his capture weapon if you're being a bit difficult, even bratty. Just needing to have you, not wanting to deal with the attitude at that moment.