#i mean not for my paycheck but for my mental health this is GREAT

[castawavy]

November Save MEGA summary (part 2)

before / next

hope you all enjoyed the previous summary, it was a nice walk down memory lane for me 😁❤ anyways let's just jump into the next one

so basically overall steve was really HATING working at Hogan's but June was just doing really well in general (enough to be the main earner in the household essentially so steve was able to quit his job)

june attempted to wingwoman raj again because things didnt really work out with kamala... LMAO

on friday she took a day off and decided to go for a job interview to join an in-house legal team

and very quickly she learned shed got the job 😁🤸‍♀️💖

on monday she let her manager Margot know she was resigning and officially handed in her resignation to the boss, boss, Jared. they were all super happy for her, and june was grateful to have had a good time working with them all

THEN, after that she visited her mom for awhile (who lives in Brindleton Bay, and caught up with her without steve or the kids)

that same weekend it was adelaide's birthday and they threw her a modest party (they are always paycheck to paycheck kinda ngl but june's recent job change / promotion means that things are getting better

bonus shot of the kids being EXTRA cute (they get on really well) 💖

very VERY soon after that, june attended a conference in Tartosa with her new team, which was a great chance to get to know everyone...

UNFORTUNATELY things got a bit flirty at the dinner 🌹😢 and the brunette guy behind june flirted with June and she did it back 😵 and yeah... nothing else happened but YIKES. my interpretation of june is honestly that she got a taste of what her life could have been like, without steve... the kids... bills etc, and she got a bit carried away by the glitz and glam of it all 🤷‍♀️ (sorry I do like my sims to have flaws, & like everyone else june is not perfect </3), but yeah as I said nothing else happened and june immedietaly felt AWFUL about it as she should (shes a loyal trait sim) 😘 but she did look stunning that night

when she got home it was extra bad as well because she had to face steve (and the kids) and it made he realise how lucky she had it, cuz steve also got her some champagne to celebrate her new job ☠😂

so... june confessed and told steve about what happened, and ngl even I was suprised he took it so well and was understanding + I think he appreciated she told him right away

also right after he mentioned marriage??? I think the two of them needed to talk about it cuz june always saw herself getting married I think and steve hadnt really considered it...

BUT YEAH drama / crisis averted AHAHAH sorry this seems really fast but I promise it had been brewing for some time - I think out of the two of them, unfortunately june is just a little bit more insecure than steve, because she has set so many expectations on herself & her mother growing up was very strict with her </3 overall I know she invisioned her life going differently, but when faced with that actual opportunity she didnt take it 😘❤🤸‍♀️

bonus picture of steve because we havent seen him for awhile now and hes gotten a lot healthier recently / working on himself and his mental health a bit (not quit smoking yet though) also raj came over and june seemed more like his best friend than steve because they were joking around so much 😂😂😂

also omg then adie had a bear phase...

😁 and that's a wrap for this summary but PHEW a lot of focus on june this time (I always love giving my sims really complex spouses)

before / next

[furiousgoldfish]

How do I decide a career field?

I mean my entire self esteem, self worth and self confidence is destroyed. I hate myself. I don’t think I’m capable of doing anything. I like art, even though it’s very hard for me to do I’m pushing myself to explore as much as I can. I am thinking of going into data analysis but it’s so overwhelmingly scary for me.

I have an MD, but i can’t pursue it because of my mental health issues.

Okay so I might not be the best person to talk about this, because I figured out that career just isn't important to me when I'm just trying to survive, so I don't think any field is worth chasing or putting effort into, for me at least! Job is just something that gives you the means to get survival resources and that is it.

Otherwise I really relate to what you're saying, I also don't feel like I'd be good at any field, don't feel like I'm made for anything and can't see myself doing anything specialized seriously. It's also very difficult to choose a field when you've never gotten to try bunch of things, never had experience doing stuff and you don't really know what you'd enjoy, what you like, or at least what doesn't feel too stressful, overwhelming and impossible.

It's incredibly impressive that you have a MD, that alone signifies great endurance, persistence and intelligence on your part, and it's awful that mental health issues prevent you from doing anything related to it (I feel the same tho, my degree is in the closet, never seen or used at all lol)

I think the best way to decide is to talk to people who work in various fields and ask them what their day-to-day work is like, and figure out where you see yourself, where you fall in easily, or at least what seems doable, not too stressful, not overwhelming. What doesn't make you hate yourself. I'm just doing cleaning but I couldn't be more pleased because it's very obvious when I've done well and it's so low stakes that pretty much nothing can go wrong. Nobody ever complains either. In fact yesterday I got a text message from a client saying I did amazing, I mean that kind of stuff is ideal to my mental state.

I think we're raised to believe that our career needs to be something very significant, something that creates a place for us in the world, the proof that we're useful to society and that we made something out of ourselves! We need to show off our success and our identity needs to be tied to what we do. And we need to be good at it and make a difference in the world with it.

Well in the current capitalistic climate, this is bullshit. The only socially useful jobs are the ones which get no recognition, no social acceptance, no praise, no acknowledgment, in fact you're looked down upon if you just do manual jobs that are incredibly necessary to keep the society going.

The jobs where you can reach high success and high paycheck - are the ones that make rich people richer, and that is not what I'm about. I mean it's not what anyone really wants to do, but it's the only thing that is considered successful and admirable, and I hate it, don't want to participate in it, makes me want to run away from capitalism.

And also it's a myth that you need to be really good at your job because people do bad jobs constantly and get paid and they don't feel bad at all, lots are bad on purpose and use their jobs to do evil, and get away with it, so there's no pressure to be perfect at your job. If it gets done thats all that matters.

So if you can find anything that just fulfills the purpose of getting your survival resources to you, go for it. If you feel like data analysis is what makes you pleased and happy, go for that. If art makes you feel good, you can do that too! You don't have to have only one job, you can change jobs multiple times during your life, it doesn't need to define who you are, you are not here to serve the society, you're here to survive and you can do your job for yourself only. It's supposed to serve you, not the other way around. You don't exist only to do your job. You exist to be safe, and happy, and fulfilled, and safe. A job is supposed to do this for you, and it doesn't matter which one, as long as you're not being tormented by stress and fear, it's fine.

So what I'm trying to say, the world should not pressure you into making a quick decision, you should take your time trying out stuff and finding what works for you, and what doesn't make you feel awful about yourself. And also if it helps, everyone has a sort of a low confidence when only starting! Everyone is bad at everything when they're starting. Confidence will come with experience, when you see yourself getting better at something trough the years, you will get a chance to gather some faith in yourself and know you're doing well. You can follow any interest you have, regardless of how well or bad you're at it, as long as it can secure you some income. It's okay to be bad at first too because everyone is kinda bad at first.

Also, I've seen some people incredibly confident in their work while doing an awful job at it, it was pretty scary. Like they were doing active harm to society and didn't understand how anything actually worked but boasted about how capable they are because they were picking up a high paycheck. When I think there's people like that, and then others are worried about not being good at anything, it makes me stunned. I truly believe that no matter what you do, you'll never do as much harm as some high-paid people out there.

I hope you don't have a horrible time deciding anon! It's a difficult spot in life for anyone, so don't worry if it takes a bit of time or if you choose something and then quit, it just brings you a step closer to what you actually like doing, and it's a good thing to try things out and pick out the one that works best for you.

[blueberryratz]

not asking for money; please send me resources

so i will potentially be moving soon - my family has taken financial hit after hit and its not looking good for us to be able to afford rent. my mother wants to house with my grandparents and i am completely uninterested in joining due to how far it is, the lack of space/privacy, and the fact that my old abuser lives there currently. since im 18 now this means i will have to find alternate housing by myself and i have very little idea what to do. please send me advice, suggestions, or any resource you may know on the following topics:

transport - probably my biggest issue. even if i can quickly get my license i dont have a car nor insurance. walking/biking to where i need to go is not ideal because my legs get fatigued and weak easily and if i need to bike to work and then do an 8 hour shift i think i would die. also there is literally no public transport where i live because texas hates me

housing - right now my best bet is most likely moving in with my step dad and paying him rent, but honestly if im gonna move out anyway i might as well see if there's any options i have for living outside my parents' house. some options ive thought about are the transitional housing for homeless young adults near-ish to me as well as finding a room to rent in the area im already residing

money/jobs - i currently have a job that pays $13.20 an hour but i just started this week and i haven't seen a paycheck yet. im currently flat broke. if i need to move out i may drop out of college and see about working full time for the first time and/or taking a second job

mental health - i currently get meds for free through a public program i utilized but im not getting the therapy i need especially for this stressful time. i have autism, ptsd, and osdd and need a therapist that specializes in those issues

physical health - as stated before my legs are not very strong and its impacted my work life multiple times previously to the point of losing my job. i have no idea whats going on with my legs and finding out what the issue is would be great so i can find solutions, but i don't have insurance and i dont know the first thing about getting ahold of it

i will update as i recall anythings else id like help with 👍 for a frame of reference i live in north texas. thank you for reading/reblogging/sharing suggestions :)

[aita-polls]

AITA for spending 1/3 of my paycheck on a Friday the 13 flash tattoo

**I am not the OP and do not claim the statements below to be my own** [Link to Reddit Post]

Okay so my husband (34m) is pissed at me (33f) for spending about 1/3 of my paycheck on a tattoo. So backstory to start. I have been unemployed for the last year, to focus on college work and my mental health, and I recently started a new job. When I got the job my husband and I agreed that I would give him 25% of each paycheck to help with bills. He also agreed that this arrangement would take effect on my second paycheck and that the first was mine to spend as I wish. Great, love that for me. Here lies the issue. My paycheck was around $350, I immediately put $50 into my savings. I have been wanting a Friday the 13th tattoo for years but I have never found one that jumped out at me until this year. A local artist put out a flash sheet and I fell in love with this really cool piece. So I booked an appointment and got the tattoo. It was $100. My husband has been lecturing me about how stupid and impulsive it was and how I shouldn't have spent 1/3 of my paycheck on something as stupid as a tattoo when I have a credit card bill to pay. He is barely speaking to me now and it's making me feel like shit. I'm so happy with the tattoo and I still have plenty of money to pay my bills and sustain me until my next paycheck, but he keeps bringing it up and telling me it was stupid. So AITA for spending 1/3 of my paycheck on a tattoo?

(More information from OP’s comments below the cut)

(INFO: Will you doing this require him to bail you out financially? Is he going to have to spend money he's earned to pay your bills, feed you, etc because you decided you wanted a tattoo? Or are you able to pay all your bill, food, rent, etc with the remaining $200?) Nope! I took in to account the bills and everything else I needed to pay before deciding to do it. My total personal monthly bills are less that $150. Everything else we spilt the cost of, and that is what my 25% will go towards. We own our house, my gas bill is less that $10 a month (I drive a moped) and my phone bill is $80 a month. I budgetd 150 for "bills and misc expenses"

(How is it possible that your half of all shared monthly bills comes out to $88?) It's doesn't. My PERSONAL bills are about 100. 25% of my income will go to my husband to put toward bills and the rest will be for my own bills, savings, and whatever else. 30% of my husband's income goes toward our shared bills like the mortgage, utilities, groceries etc. Thay 30% also includes his personal bills like gas and credit cards.

(Did you still pay your CC bill?) I did still pay my cc bill (I didn't even use the cc before I started at the new job once it was initially paid off so I wouldn't have a bill to pay while unemployed) I also put money into savings even though he told me I didn't need to since this first check was less than half of what I will normally be making. He made almost 3 times what I make and even though I will be giving him 25% of my pay (honestly I will likely give him more than that) I know that he will likely just put it in a savings account instead of using it for bills.

The credit card bill was less than $80. I used it sparingly because I knew I didn't have the money. IT was mainly for gas and medical co-pays and medicine. {(If your credit card bill was less than $80 then you should have paid it off)} I paid it off right after I booked the tattoo appointment

(That doesn't make sense, you say he makes 3 times what you do. If you get 350 a week, that's 1400 a month. That would mean he makes 4200. So how does he have 5k left over ?) The 350 was less than half of what a normal paycheck will be. Which is one of the reasons we agreed that I didn't need to give him the 25%

[marcholasmoth]

OSRR: 3653

today marks ten years since i started these entries.

the day i started was august 7th, 2014.

today is august 7th, 2024.

it doesn't feel like it's been all that long at all.

as i made this realization this morning, i was able to spend the day and think about how i've changed over the last ten years, about the things that have happened, about the person i've become. about what i would say to me ten years ago.

the long and short of it is this:

i grew up.

and i don't like thinking about it that way because that means my childhood is long gone, never to return. that everything from here on out is going to be hard.

so as i sit here crying, mourning that loss that i will never truly recover from, i also reflect on the personal growth i've made.

i have less tolerance for bullshit and i'm not afraid to have opinions. i found a group of people who love me for who i am and not what i can do for them. yes i am living paycheck to paycheck, but i no longer consider myself completely broke. i've gotten better at managing my time and my money. i've earned not one, not two, but three separate degrees, the highest of which was earned from a prestigious university. i have a close relationship with my sister. i've reconnected with some high school friends. i've lost so many other friends due to circumstances i was unwilling to accept any longer. i've loved and lost, but i'm happy to have loved. and even now, i have a partner who i've been with for more than half of the decade! and it's been wonderful.

i've had a dozen different jobs in different industries, i've used my knowledge to help people in a lot of places. i've made friends with people across the world and i've seen people blossom into who they're truly meant to be. and i know that everyone is a work in progress. so am i.

i'm not quite done yet. i'm almost ready to come out of the oven.

and maybe the closet, too.

in all of my thoughts today, the ones that have stood out the most have been of how i treat other people and my mental health. over the years, i've seen people from high school who i didn't really spend time around because they were in the "popular" crowd. i instantly recognized them. they were probably too busy to even try to think of where they might've known my face from. but i've learned that it's important to treat people with kindness, respect, and love, regardless of your personal history with them. that everyone deserves respect and dignity, regardless of who they are. of course, even i have my limits, but those who are out of the limits of my patience and care are usually bigots, fascists, neo-nazis, and any combination of things including any of those parts.

and my mental health - what a difference. it's night and day for how it is in my head. being properly medicated and stable and KNOWING that's it's more than "just depression" or "just anxiety" and having a therapist who understands all of it? it's a game-changer. it's great.

what i would tell myself ten years ago would be mostly about how it ends up and the process of getting there. you end up stable. you get a therapist who you love and who helps you get to the root of the trauma you don't even realize you have yet. you have people who love you more than you even know. people love you for who you are, mental illnesses, disabilities, and all. you take up crafting and d&d and playing games. you meet someone adorable and hilarious and he makes your days brighter. you lose your faith and your friends, but after all the anger and grief, you come out stronger than you ever thought you could be. and despite all of the horrors you see in the world, you're still softer than you think. you count bunnies on the way into work. you cry over your waitress, begging the universe to let her smile freely. you smile at and wave to a perfect stranger who doesn't speak your language on your way back to your car, even after a long day.

there's a lot of pain, yes.

but there is so much more beauty than you can possibly imagine.

see it. feel it. embrace it.

but most importantly, share it.

[aelinschild]

First Sight, New Ground

Valencia - Test

Main Masterlist | DART Masterlist | Team Livery

Well, well, well. This is something I'm very excited to share! I'm quite the fan of MotoGP, so this is my attempt at mashing my interest together. (And mourning Jorge Martin's loss of the '23 season 🥲). I really hope you enjoy, and let me know what you think!

SYNOPSIS: Drama. Speed. Nepotism. Aelin is thrust into the everchanging spectacle that is the 2023 MotoGP season. And as the new Marketing Manager, she struggles to rein in the two riders she's responsible for, one more than the other. And Rowan Whitethorn is always up for a new challenge. WORDCOUNT: 4.7k GENERAL WARNINGS: Swearing, Alcohol and addiction, Mental health struggles, Cheating, Verbal abuse and messed up family dynamics, Crashes, Severe Injuries, Minor Character Death(s), Silly Stupid Rowan, more to be added

AN: There's a lot going on in this chapter- I apologize! It's very world-buildy, but we are diving head first into drama very soon...

Remelle: The MotoGP 2023 Season Begins; Switch up’s all across the grid are causing teams to already struggle to mesh out differences. Let’s hope this season will see less dramatics than last year…

-

Rolfe: …And Pre-Season begins! Welcome back to the track, and welcome to the very exciting – or what I'm hoping will be – 2023 MotoGP season! 

Mort: My sentiments exactly, Rolfe. And welcome back everyone. It's great to see all the spirit online and worldwide. I can feel the excitement in Valencia this weekend! But I must say, starting this year off with a bang–there’s already drama!

- 

This was certainly not Aelin's typical work environment. Or her typical job, for that matter. 

Standing at the large pane window of one of Ducati Valencia’s Offices, she looks out at the lively city. A far cry from her view two months ago at the HSBC headquarters in London. A far cry from anything relatively normal, really. Her foothold here was a new development. Since, in a matter of months, she had lost the renowned career that she had dreamed of. Had scrapped and fought for. She lost her corner office, with the view of London's city lights. She had lost her ample paycheck. And, as she thinks, she had lost her dignity along the way as well. 

By no means was this a personal decision. HSBC hadn't been doing well into its fourth quarter, and cuts had to be made. That was understandable enough. What wasn't? Aelin being cut. The clean-cut of the crisp letter on her mahogany desk on a very bitter morning. It had been clear that she wasn't even important enough to require a meeting. Not even important enough for a goodbye. 

Not only had the loss of her career brought forth the aforementioned reality, but it had drastically changed her relationship with her dear father. The one and only, Rhoe Galathynius. The oil tycoon, who had a greater love for wealth than his own kin. The man who claimed to work himself to the bone, but only came up for air after getting a papercut from counting his cash. 

After being cast off from HSBC – as if she hadn't been there for five years, running errands and fixing copiers, to being the Senior Head of Marketing for their English branch  – she was left with no job. And as an Oxford graduate, no less. 

And as if the humiliation of her new reality hadn't been enough, a local paper had picked up the story. The Galathynius golden child loses out! She could still see the sickeningly dark ink–burned into her retinas. 

But the shame didn't end there, why would it? No, of course not. Aelin’s lesson was far from being over, even if she hadn't had anything to do with her subsequent layoff. And as it happened, that paper had made it onto Rhoe’s desk one morning. The artfully woven piece, carefully balancing the general hatred for the Galathynius name and attack on Aelin’s character; there for his consumption. The paging to her father's manor in Hertfordshire shouldn't have been as surprising as it was. And the gloomy English weather punctuated her doom. Each droplet on the windshield startled her out of any possible chance to imagine other possibilities. Each drop fell solidly, slowly making its path before being swept up by the windshield wipers, cast off the rounded glass. Like an incessant insect. 

The indignity continued when Aelin had to explain to Rhoe why she was laid off. Why it was her fault. Why the company wanted her gone. Rhoe Galathynius was loyal – to name only. Anything done on her part to convince the bastard of a man that it was simply a company-wide layoff, inevitable really, resulted in at least fifteen minutes of lecturing and berating. He took her loss as a failure on his part. His child-rearing skills were not satisfactory, and now he had to account for his twenty-six-year-old fuck-up. 

Aelin wondered if her humiliation could have been any worse had she kneeled at his feet and begged for forgiveness. 

Regardless, Aelin had nothing to say for herself. She was laid off, a disappointment to the family name, and had no prospects. Where would she go now? Back to her flat, most likely. To soothe the ache over with some expensive red wine, and maybe sob. 

Rhoe Galathynius left her with nothing but a crippling feeling of guilt. Effortless anxiety. She felt her failure weigh her down even further into the mud her four-inch heels sunk into. Her driver was sympathetic at least, solely because she had told him to wait outside, knowing it would be a short trip. And so with nothing to think about but how her ribs felt like they were pressing into her lungs, squeezing them, suffocating her from the inside out, Aelin let the rainy drive – and subsequent two months – wash over her like a balm. 

That was, until, she got a call from Rhoe again, beckoning her back to Hertfordshire. And after two months of complete silence on his part; no comments on the paper’s reaction to her job loss – which was so unnecessary, she’s glad it was now mostly forgotten. She had shown up, without a crimp in her clothes, skin looking refreshed. As if the days had been spent relaxing, not withering. Arriving at the manor, Aelin found herself nervous. Not knowing what she was walking into. 

And she could’ve known, had she just read the papers she so diligently avoided. She could’ve seen that her ever-avaricious Father had purchased the title sponsor for the Italian motorcycling team. Had – in the last two months – plastered the gaudy yellow ‘Galathynius’ name all over the cherry red bikes and helmets. All over gear and t-shirts. He had procured a job for her, and he spat that at her as if she was a burden. As if he didn't take on the cumbersome task of purchasing a world-renowned racing team.

Ducati. Ducati Galathynius Racing. Rhoe Galathynius was now the proud sponsor of his own MotoGP team, one of the most successful in recent years too. How did he do it? Had Aelin read the papers…

-

Remelle: Can Ducati Bounce Back After Sam Cortland; Recently, Ducati’s older sponsor ‘Lenovo’ pulled out. However, it only became public at the end of the 2022 season. Many have raised eyebrows, citing that their exit was because of the passing of Ducati rider Sam Cortland at the Valencia GP last year. The catastrophic crash, killing the gifted rider moments before he would have won the ‘22 title…

-

Seated on a plush leather swivel chair, Aelin picked at her cuticles. Peeling back dry skin that burned when washed with the expensive soap at the Ducati Headquarters in Valencia. The silence of the room was punctuated every few seconds when the toe of her stiletto would tap the glossy floors. A meaningless rhythm. Tap, tap-tap. Tap, tap-tap. 

The opening of the door stunned Aelin out of her reverie. Standing from her seat, she was faced with Rhoe and Rourke Farran, Team Principal for Ducati. They were mid-conversation, and though it stalled as they entered, Farran felt no need to soften his words.

“Ah, Miss Galathynius, yes, welcome. Lovely. We’ll just be waiting on the rest of management before we can get started.” He trailed off, wandering to the head seat of the long conference room table. Rhoe stood near the door, a pensive look in his eye and a familiar rigidity in his frame. Aelin took it as her cue to take a seat. 

As Farran settled himself, Rhoe picked up where they had left off, paying no heed to his daughter's presence. And if he was miffed that Farran took the head seat, he didn't show it. Aelin sat two seats away from Farran, on his left. Rhoe took the right. 

“And you can guarantee me the support of your riders? I’ve heard that they can be difficult…” Rhoe continued. His beady eyes, surrounded by weathered skin. His once luminous hair, clipped short to cover spots where it wouldn't regrow. He looked old. He looked worn down and easily breakable. But assuming that was a definite mistake. His age had nothing to do with his cunning, or viciousness. 

“Whitethorn and Westfall will give you no trouble. They want results. If you can provide that, they’ll be happy boys.” Farran scoffed. Tension palpable. 

Aelin folded her hands over each other in her lap. Sitting with her back straight and shoulders pushed back, she was the picture of poised elegance. Her hair was slicked back into a professional high bun, her makeup light. She would make no mistakes today, lest she trash her second chance. 

“Good,” Rhoe says as the door opens, and in filters other team managers and top engineers. All here for the pre-season testing. Pre-season testing, which Aelin would be studying. So as to learn how the team worked together, noting what worked and what wouldn't, because she would be managing the appearances now. Because this board room, the racetrack outside, the bright red ‘Ducati’ shirts– This was her life now. 

“Let us get started, shall we?” 

- 

Mort: Well, would you look at that! All those guys…

Rolfe: Haha, don't they look happy—the pre-season media obligations. Let me tell you, Mort, am I ever happy I’m not one of those poor guys right now…

Mort: No doubt! The theatrics this year certainly are something else. Though the fans love it. And I’m not going to lie, Rolfe, I do enjoy the candid interviews! They’re just so awkward…

Rolfe: It's almost like they’ve never made friends…

-

The noise was giving her a headache. 

The amount of people was obnoxious, and this wasn't even everyone. Ducati alone had over one hundred employees working to keep two overgrown men on bikes happy and successful. If you had asked twenty-year-old Aelin where she would be, especially when she was knee-deep in homework in Oxford's libraries, she would have never said a racetrack. Though it's funny how things work out…

After the tense meeting, where Farran practically bulldozed anyone with an opposing opinion, and Rhoe had scared the shit out of every employee who didn't have a contract, Aelin could help but wonder what she was getting herself into. Granted, she had no second option. It was this, or execution, probably. Who knows what Rhoe would have done had she said no. But, she did walk out with a collared shirt that she would be responsible for wearing whenever she was on the job. 

It was a starchy cotton, with red stripes down the sleeves and her name embroidered onto the left breast. She mourned the outfits that would never see the light of day. Somehow, though, she would make this work. 

She always did. 

She was not used to this type of… excitement. Working in an office for the past few years left a mark on her. She did not feel ready to step out in front of the entire Ducati team, much less coordinate all their actions for the next year. She had already been handed a hefty guidebook that outlined her priorities and responsibilities going forward. Press conferences, media attractions, and managing the two esteemed riders. 

The riders; Chaol Westfall and Rowan Whitethorn. Champions in their own rights. One familiar to the team, one not. Which was another slight bump in Aelin’s job. Making Rowan’s transition from Honda a smooth one. 

Rowan Whitethorn was an enigma. The four-time world champion was in dire need of something. Something that Honda hadn't been providing, hence the switch. Now the grumbly Scot is raining all over Ducati’s fine machinery. Having not won a world title since 2019, everyone in the paddock whispers about his retirement. However, the talented twenty-eight-year-old is far from retirement in Ducati’s eyes. And hopefully, he’s prepared to win this season. 

She had been briefed on him more than Choal; and that man's subsequent charm. But Rowan was quite the opposite. Determined, steadfast, and stoic. He was a legend of a rider. Loyal to the asphalt beneath him and the bike that makes him fly. With one goal in mind, one that hadn't changed in his decade of racing. 

This all made Aelin uncomfortable. She was not made to deal with people like this, so up close. She was no race enthusiast, hell, she hadn't known that motorcycle racing was this extravagant prior to her job now. The few times Rhoe had taken her to Silverstone were solely to watch the Formula One races, and those were merely background noise to the fact that she was outside of Rhoe’s manor. So navigating around this new terrain was going to be a struggle. One that most likely started with joining in on the festivities happening on the track.

-

Remelle: Ducati Debutes The New Sponsor; The bright yellow appearing on Ducati’s bikes this season isn't only a shock to the eyes, but it's a shock to the motorcycle world. It seems like the English Businessman Rhoe Galathynius was tired of oil fields and wanted his name on something new. 

-

Measured steps led Aelin to where the entirety of the paddock was accumulated. Racers, team managers, engineers and more were milling about. It was an explosion of colour, everyone suited in their team's shirts, sporting their pride. 

Aelin assumed that the riders were the ones milling further down the track. Stood under the lights, beyond where the crowd was thickest. Scanning the area, she spotted at least seven photographers. She’d have to enquire about the pictures they were taking and where they would be going. She made another mental note about that. And about setting a to-do list.

Still walking, Aelin scanned the crowd one final time before spotting Farran. He was just a little away from the greater congregation, stood next to another man. Farran had changed since she saw him in the meeting. He was in his red Ducati shirt, a large lanyard hanging from his neck. Next to him was a blonde man of similar height, who looked to be speaking very quickly to Farran. His arms flailed as he spoke, but the gestures didn't look excited. Rather, he wore a mean scowl and an orange and white Honda shirt. Ioan Jayne, she assumed. Aelin was briefed on him, head of Repsol Honda and nemesis of Farran. Or that was what she had gathered when reading Farran’s history with the man. 

The two men seemed to lean into a conversation with each other, but the animosity was visible from where Aelin stood. Staring openly, she watched as they were all but at each other's throats. Before Jayne threw his hands up and stalked away, leaving Farran. Signing, Aelin made her way over to Farran for what was sure to be an uncomfortable conversation. 

“Farran. Good to see a familiar face.” She was lying through her teeth. She had known this man for a few hours and had a weird feeling about him already. 

“Miss Galathynius-” He started, puffing his chest out a little and giving her an indecipherable look. 

“Aelin works. If you prefer.” She interrupted. 

“Aelin then.” Another smile, she felt goosebumps on her skin. There is something wrong with this man. She thought to herself, all while keeping up her artfully crafted facade of professionalism; smiling and nodding. “Right, well this will all be very new to you, but all the boys are just getting reacquainted now. There are some newcomers, not for us of course,” he laughed. “Unless we're counting Whitethorn. But he’s been around the track so they’ll all be sizing him up for this season.” 

He continued on, rambling about each of the guy’s weaknesses as if he had explored them himself. She wouldn't be surprised if he had. 

“I'll need you to organize some press things in the coming days. Photos, social media, interviews, all that bullshit that makes the fans wild.” He said more seriously. Turning to face Aelin directly. “Your father made a deal with me, and a part of that deal would be your success in this position.” Aelin was rooted to her spot, Farran’s dark eyes boring into her directly. Like he could see the part of herself that failed. “I will not have anything but excellence. Not from you, from my riders, from my team. See to it.” 

“Of course,” Aelin mumbled, twisting her hands. Taking a step back, Farran's eyes continued to follow her, still shrouded in some weird look, before a chipper voice broke the tension. 

“Farran!” A voice called out, the rough English accent undecipherable to Aelin. Both of them turned to see the newcomers. Aelin swallowed when their gazes broke.

Two men were approaching; Chaol and Rowan, she assumed. Going off the cherry red shirts each had on, and the confidence in their gaits. Something that could only be achieved by a world-class motorcycle rider. The brunette – Chaol – was walking ahead of Rowan, who didn't seem as pleased as his teammate to see their team principal. As they approached, Aelin realized that they were significantly more handsome than the pictures from online. Both of them looking more like models than the insane idiots the media made them out to be.  The blonde one was devastating. Rowan. Who’s face was set in a scowl-like look, obviously not pleased with the current state of affairs. 

“Chaol, how are you doing today mate?” Farran said as he went in for one of those man-hugs with the rider. They both slapped each other's backs a few times before releasing to stand a fair distance apart. Rowan didn't come any closer, he just nodded when Farran’s gaze swept over him. 

“Not bad. Saw Havilliards bike for this season,” He sucked on his bottom teeth, eyes roving over Aelin. “Might have to find a reason to be in their garage for something, you know?” The brunette rocked back on his heels, crossing his arms and shifting around. He’s ansty for something. 

Farran gave a contemplative noise, before gesturing to Aelin. “I want you to meet your new marketing manager. She’s your boss on all accounts for this season. Whatever Miss Aelin here says, goes.” Both Rowan and Chaol were staring at her now too, and Aelin felt a little overwhelmed under this much attention. She could see the curiosity on Chaol’s face, but Rowan didn't give anything away. If anything, she was a little miffed by his lack of response – to anything thus far. That would be something she’d have to work on. 

“Lovely to meet the two of you,” Reaching out, she held her hand out for Chaol. He grasped hers firmly, and she shook once before retracting quickly. He was handsome, that much was for sure, but he was also… peculiar. She wasn't sure. But when she leaned over to Rowan, she realized she liked Chaol significantly more. 

Rowan looked down at Aelin’s outstretched hand, a tense moment passed where she waited for him to do something. Finally, just when she was going to step back and accept defeat from the seemingly sullen man, he shook her hand. 

He had a firm hold, and the calluses on his hand scraped over hers and a way that sent shivers up her back. Pulling away abruptly, Aelin could feel Farran and Choal’s eyes on her. Rowan did not react to her retreat, and she was thankful for that because she did not want to think about how it felt to have his large hand in hers. 

Farran continued, prattling about race-related subjects, but Aelin was not focusing on him anymore. No, she was too busy trying to ignore Rowan’s green-eyed stare on her.

-

The greetings on the track had ended after what felt like far too much time, and Aelin was grateful to be able to rush off away from where she felt like she was being undressed by the Scot’s eyes. Taking a moment in a deserted hallway to practice her breathing, before she was back in the garage with the rest of the team to watch the new bikes get their lap times in. 

Standing near the back of the garage, Aelin watched as Rowan raced. The cameras around the track followed his bike as he artfully wove through corners. Screens below had engineers monitoring, and she watched as the speed went up, up, up. Hitting nearly three hundred kilometres on the straights, her eyes never left the screen. 

His lithe body was clad in the classic Ducati red. And the leather suit – that looked extremely restrictive while the riders walked – had never looked so flexible. Every movement was intentional, each millisecond that passed was a decision made. He was an expert in the sport, and the bike seemed like an extension of him. Each corner had him nearly kissing the ground, his protective knee pads made exactly for this reason. 

Everyone in the garage had their eyes either glued to the screen or a computer. These moments, testing out the Desmosedici GP23, were exceptionally imperative to the success of the team this season. Rowan’s custom bike, improved specifically for his body and riding style, was faring well. But the garage still held their breath. The bike was only a prototype, while it was modelled after last year and Ducati had the privilege of being a factory team, any issue would set the current progress back exponentially. 

As Rowan leaned into turn fourteen, Farran seemed pleased. He took his diligent stare away from the TV and moved to where Chaol stood at the mouth of the garage. Leaning in close so the other rider could hear, Farran must have instructed Chaol that it was his turn now. As the roar of Rowan’s bike grew in sound, Chaol situated himself, and some of the team members gave his bike a push, and he was off. Just in time for Rowan to park where he once was. 

The Scot turned the bike off and was quick to pull his helmet off. Revealing his sweat-mussed hair and the bandage on the bridge of his nose. 

Farran was ready with questions and was firing them at a pace that Rowan evidently wasn't fond of. He swung his leg over the bike and made his way to the dedicated corner for the riders. Ignoring Farran, he sat down on his chair and turned to where the screen was displaying Choal. 

Reaching for the Gatorade bottle and taking a long drink of whatever was in it, Rowan decided to grace the garage with his feedback. Swivelling to face Farran at his right, “Ye gonna pay attention to yer other guy?” Going back for another swig, he unzipped the top half of his suit. Leaning back and spreading his legs out, his eyes went back to the screen. 

What a team player, Aelin snorted. Drawing the attention of a dark-haired engineer. The woman studied Aelin for a moment, before making a sour face and turning away. Wonderful, She thought. Making friends already. 

Noticeably irked, Farran continued to push. “What do you think of the bike?” The room held its breath while Pretty Princess thought over the question. This was crucial. Chaol had been at Ducati for years, he knew the engines, and he knew the machinery. He knew they were winners–or had been at some point. But Rowan? He was going to be the defining factor of the teams’ success this season. 

“I could feel the engine–rumblin’. Powerful. It’s good, aye?” He nodded to himself, pleased with his response. The brunette woman next to Aelin stepped forward. 

“So no changes, right? You’ll be good to ride in Argentina on it?” She was assertive in her question. Her eyes focused directly on where Rowan was seated. She watched the rise and fall of his bare chest. Noticing the ink of a tattoo near his left pec. Shamelessly, as everyone waited for his response, Aelin traced the lines of his body. His long legs stretched out in front of him, the jawline that left her breathless, and his hair–Gods his hair. It was unfair how gorgeous men’s hair could be. The droplets of sweat collecting at his hairline, that would parade down his face to his jaw. Where they would fall the strong column of his neck. I need to get laid. Aelin looked back to where the engineer was waiting and took notice of the headphones around her neck. 

“I'll be ready to win, if that’s what yer asking.”

-

Aelin had left late. 

After four days of watching, planning, organizing, and anxiously overworking herself over upcoming media obligations, the time in Valencia was up. She had spent four days in a completely unfamiliar environment, around people who knew what they were doing. She could feel the imposter syndrome creeping up on her. But after it all, seeing the twelve guys who would be putting their lives on the line for a title and gaining no ground with either of the riders she was responsible for, she was ready for a break. She had relinquished, and gone to the inaugural party. What a mistake. 

Now, rushing from her hotel room this morning, and fighting off a killer hangover, she had quite literally thrown everything she had brought with her to Valencia in her pink suitcase before zipping it closed – catching her nice blouse on the zipper – and rushing to her Uber. It was a close call, and her driver had made sure to scold her for her tardiness before they were promptly speeding to the airport. 

In the backseat of the car, she had attempted some light makeup to try and erase the undereye bags. It didn't do much, but it was an effort. Her hair was a challenge she would not even begin to tackle. Sex-mussed and arguably better suited for a family of birds, it would remain in the worst high-bun the world had ever seen. 

All of this was fine. She was fine. 

And she was calm. Especially while hightailing it through the airport to her private gate so she wouldn't miss the jet her father had specifically arranged for her after he had left on the first day. What a committed sponsor. 

“Earth to Aeeeeee!” Lysandra sang from the other end of the phone currently glued to the side of Aelins face. They had been talking–Lys had been talking, and Aelin had been breathing so loudly she could barely hear her best friends quips about her evening and the party. The party. Aelin was so fucked. 

“I'm here- just keep… talking,” She puffed. Catching one of the screens and looking for her gate number. 

“No. I want you to talk.” She could hear Lysandra’s pout. “This party? What really happened?”

“Nothi-”

“Lies! I saw Aedion’s story, and you were definitely getting cozy in a corner with a certain somebody,” She pressed. Aelin knew it was going to be a challenge to get out of this one. “Tell me or I will find out. You know me…” She let the threat hang in the air. 

Aelin knew better than to leave Lys to her own devices. “Okay,” Huffing and puffing as her gate got closer and closer. “It was just a one-time thing! Nothing ser-”

“Ae! Tell me, godsdamn!” She interrupted. “I just want to know, pleasee!” Whining, Aelin prayed for something to prevent what would happen next. 

Sighing, “It was-”

And as if the Gods decided to give Aelin one little win this morning, the attendant was at her gate and had recognized the sprinting woman. She moved to open the door to the stairs for Aelin to get to her jet. Motioning to Aelin to hang up her call, she gave the attendant the brightest smile–probably looking insane. 

“Oh no! I'm at my gate, I have to go Lys! I call you in a few hours, okay, love you!” And she hung up. Breathing in, out, and one more for good measure. She slipped her phone into her purse and handed her carry-on to the attendant whose arm was outstretched. 

“Welcome Miss Galathynius. Let’s get you to Argentina, yes?”

Taglist: @backtobl4ck , @goddess-aelin

Thank you for reading :))))

[trollprincess]

Okay, I’m going to be perfectly honest.

I don’t get to see my brother often. He lives with my parents for now, which means he’s only eight blocks away, but I work so much I barely see my family at all. Anyway, I asked my brother earlier this week if he wanted to go see Jaws at the drive-in tonight. I just want to hang out with my brother for the first time in months.

Small problem: my paycheck doesn’t hit my bank account until tonight. It’s currently in the red. I lost my debit card last week, so even when it hits I still can’t get it because my card didn’t come in the mail today. So right now I have absolutely no money at all.

SO. If anybody has a few bucks to spare so an overworked neurodivergent bisexual can go spend the night watching a great movie with her best friend/brother for the first time in months, I would really appreciate it. Because my brain is a bag of cats right now and Mama would like to watch Jaws and eat cheap drive-in food with my favorite person as a mental health break.

[millenniumdueled]

hey I know there's already so many posts going around d asking for help so I feel really disgusting doing this again, I feel like I don't deserve it when other people are suffering too but im

drowning

I had to call in to work Wednesday and call our emoloyee help line because I was feeling so suicidal over financial stress and now I'm once again unable to stop crying. I just got the paycheck that I was leeching off of during my time off and

I can't afford to pay my rent. I'm $200 short even after taking my savings down to the minimum of $300 I have to maintain to not get charged a fee. I have less than $2 in my emergency checking.

I don't really expect anyone to help. it's my own fault for using time off work as an excuse to go to the bar one night and to eat out twice and I knew damn well I had no business doing either of them I just got caught up wanting to go out since my mental health has been really, really bad and I've been really, painfully unhappy every single day. I hadn't gone out since emo night in February and I don't know how to make irl friends without going places that cost money. I'm so lonely and depressed I just really wanted a chance to make a friend and get to spend time with someone in person again. and I did, I had a great night and played pool and made a friend and we're planning to meet up again but

it feels so much like it wasn't worth it and I knew I didn't deserve to go out and have that fun and I did it anyway

I'm rambling but owning my own mistakes and actions is important to me. I want to be honest that I didn't get fucked over with bills, I did something stupid and selfish and ungrateful and spent almost $100 during a week off work just for funsies. it's why I hate hate hate HATE myself for having to ask for help. I should have to suffer the consequences of my actions so I don't do it again

I have a hair appointment this month I'm already going to have to cancel because I can't afford it. and that's fine, even though it means risking being blacklisted by the only hair salon I've ever not been disappointed or traumatized by

but with student loan repayment starting up again very soon, I can't. empty my savings. I can't lose my entire next paycheck transferring it early to pay my rent.

I can't take any commissions. I have one big one I've been putting off since January bc I'm scared of starting it and it never being good enough. I've been working on another "simple" commission for a month. I don't want to make promises that I can't keep. maybe in the future I can take some more, but I'm not even entertaining the option until I finish what I started.

my pay pal is @MRheuble and venmo is @jupitertrash, or I have tips set up on my personal blog

[brain-bumbler]

hey. hey. you know that one au you did? where dion got a job in the mailroom? think about it again. think about its wonder and greatness. and gimme deets 🤲

oh that is my greatest work ever. i will forever have so much to say about it.

Dion starts out not enjoying the job or looking forward to it, just doing it since his mom won't stop talking about how proud she is of Raz and Frazie, and he needs something to do to fill the hours. Plus a paycheck is nice.

But despite his reservations, the minute Raz walks into the mailroom Dion has his feet up on the table smirking like his swivel chair is a throne. Big brother instinct to show no weakness.

Raz is torn because this is sort of his brother making an effort to ger more involved in psychic stuff. He genuinely wants Dion to do better and learn to cope with the changes in their family.

But also, he's ten. The Psychonauts is HIS thing in his head. He wants Frazie to join him because she was his secret psychic buddy that he probably trauma bonded with and he wants to heal the divide between them. I think it'd be normal for him to not be 100% stoked about it. Like oh great, maybe the mailroom is where evil villains are made and Dion's gonna decide to turn to the dark side.

At first Dion is jumpy and standoffish with people. But luckily he unlocks the pure dopamine of sorting objects for his repressed adhd-autism brain. He completely zones out during his shift and then snaps back an hour after closing time when the packages stop coming. Holy shit stacking boxes of different sizes into cubes like tetris and then sorting them based on color, he's not showing it but his brain is just enjoying it So Damn Much.

He gets so hyperfocused that he forgets to slack off and act superior and grumpy. He clears out the blacklog in 3 days and then designs a new sorting system. It needs revisions but that just means more stacking and sorting fuck yeah!

Gisu was expecting him to skip work to come see her but he's in the ZONE and its hard to break him away from it. But after awhile it is easier to leave because he needs variety in his day, which makes flipping across the Motherlobe and finding new ways to deliver mail great.

He makes up challenges for himself. Can he sneak packages to people from the vents like a spy, something he'd never admit to thinking was cool? Can he do deliveries while playing "the ground is lava" in his head?

Also he keeps writing letters to Gisu that have to be "hand delivered" so they can meet up. Hollis lets it slip since he solved their budget crisis by discovering Nick was stealing money, and Dion is insanely effective at his work. If only she could get him to wear anything business casual.

Dion's biggest bad habit is skipping meals. He doesn't like eating in the Noodle Bowl without someone he knows, it makes him nervous. So if he doesn't bring lunch he ends up skipping it, or even if he dues he just throws it away without telling anyone.

He makes the mailroom the most popular part of the Motherlobe tour by putting on an acrobatics performance that enthralls all the visitors. Maybe he slips out some pamphlets for the Aquato circus, it never hurts to advertise!

Having the alone time and investing in something not related to his family is really good for his personal mental health and boundaries.

[axgmented]

a little bit of an explanation as to whats happened in my life, to keep yall up to date if you wish.

idk really how to start this off, so if it seems a little jumbled & out there I'm sorry!

it's been three years since i left my ex "husband". So by legal standards, no we weren't married. I had a place holder ring. Stayed with him for 9 years. He was emotionally abusive, narcissistic, and isolated me from my friends. Honestly, I can't even put plural for that-- I was "allowed" one friend, and that was the girl who is practically my sister from HIGH SCHOOL. And even then? it was a big to-do if I wanted to spend time with her. I never got to see my mother, who I have a strained relationship with already.

In those three years, I have bought a house (i dont recommend doing what I did. Just.. explore your options.) My situation was that my mother didn't want me living with her anymore and thats fine-- she is entitled to her own space and what not. I'm grown, 30 years old this year, and she has raised me so I get it. I bought this house hastily and to its credit it's a great little starter house for two people. Only issue is, it's small but like I said I just wish I had waited a little bit and shopped around, but I felt the quicker I could get out the faster I could get my cats back! And did.

I've also gotten a new car, a better position at my job (but fuck that place tbqh. grateful for the paycheck but man... 6pm-6am is ROUGH when you are chronically ill.) and....maybe....just maybe... a new partner. I've went from 21lbs to 150 (and that was honestly all in the first year-- I've maintained that weight just about constantly for 2 years running now).

But with new changes, there isn't always a silver lining.

My depression got bad, my anxiety worse, I've developed new health issues such as POTS (thats really fun to have in a warehouse work setting in the middle of summer), seizures (these are non-epileptic), and as of today, chronic hives (and I thought eczema was hard to deal with) on top of my insomnia just absolutely taking the piss out of me. Then one of my moms got into an accident on 4th of july weekend, my co-worker just had to be taken off of a vent because he was denied a lung transplant (guy was only in his 60s if best) & I've fallen out of friendship with what used to be a good coworker (who is now my boss...it's going exactly how you'd imagine lol). Something happened with my partners family, but that's for them to share if they wish.

So all in all 2024 has been absolutely KICKING my ass but I'm still here. I'm sorry for having to disappear for so long, but I do not have the spoons to be here constantly. I am trying to get back into the swing of things, since they're adjusting my medicines and trying to get me on the correct dosages and what not (i've had Serotonin Syndrome & thats' drastically cut what medicines I can have with my mental health, in half.

In short, thank you for sticking with me this long & I hope to come back in full swing eventually, but I'm just slowly trying to chip away at everything and your patience means a great deal! Small little note, my handle used to be Loh on here-- ive changed it to Runnii! (or Rune) and I hope you guys like it!

[lunarsilkscreen]

Why did I leave the military

In 2010, the repeal of don't ask don't tell happened, which was a landslide victory for gay men. But for Queer people in general? Iffy ground.

For the entirety of my existence I knew what I was, am, are. But gender confirming social policy and social stigma means you can't talk about it. Like the first two rules of Fight Club.

It exists, but you don't talk about it. Because quote: "It's morally and objectively wrong to wear clothes of the opposite gender."

That's the Line you can't cross. And yes, this includes Kilts if you're outside of the Ireland/Scotland area.

So if you're further than that on the queer spectrum, you look ambiguous, people confuse you for another gender, or they just can't tell. That is a moral and personal failing. One corrected through Hairstyles, clothing, and gendered perfume flavours.

So if you're a genetic men and other men are confusing you for a women, and other (maybe sapphic) women want to date you. They can't acknowledge that.

Just "Oh, we can't do that thing at all".

But the talk will go on behind your back regardless.

Some people look like me are upset because they aren't seen as the Pinnacle of masculinity. A trait I also shared, but not really cause it felt good mind you. I wanted to be a women. Right? At the very least, I was OK with ambiguity.

"so why the F*? Would you join the military if it would put you in the box?"

Oh you know, GI. Jane, the existence of the "Tom Boy". Video Games.

Plus I had a lot of reasons I couldn't continue staying where I had grown up, or with my family, or even continue going to college the first time around despite having qualified for the MEAP{ Michigan Educational Assessment Program } which awarded money to kids just out of high school for excelling at a test that summed up the entire school education.

Quick Google search says it's the "M-STEP" now. I dunno how many other students qualified. I just know I qualified for that *on top* of tuition incentive program.

To which people understandable ask what happened?

It was going great, but I had no way to practice for driving test to get out there. Had a friend, friend promised would help me. Which made me start the aid process. But that process had a two year limit on it.

That two year limit on it, along with no driver's license along with unstable home life, along with losing that friendship, because her words; "you're a bum". Along with whatever other list of grievances she had with me. Meant I lost that second year of aid. Gone. I need to stop trusting people.

So unstable home life, depression, definitely queer, definitely no friends. A friend of mine was joining the Air Force. And I thought "F* it, YOLO".

The complex reasons? That instability. That lack of future. The paycheck. And the possibility that I *might* be able to pursue my dreams that way.

So why the F* would I leave that behind?

In the Air Force, we're taught to lead from the front. I dunno if that's the same way in other branches, I assume it is.

At that time I was falling apart mentally, the only thing keeping me going was this knowledge that life sucked on the outside, and there was, and still is nothing out here for me. I re-enlisted for a little while, got to do a desk job with a lot of programming. But I was still falling apart mentally.

And when I went to pursue the reasons why, There still wasn't anything that I could do about it. Just me, and deteriorating mental health. And being Vaguely Queer, but not really getting along with other queer people cuz the community sucks. (most communities suck, but the gatekeeping in the queer community is something else man.)

And then, the cherry on top was the Executive Order by President Trump that trans people should be banned from serving in the military.

Many queer people accuse me of this being the only reason for it. F* them. You know why? Gatekeeping.

Excuse me for leaving on my integrity.

I could've stayed just a few more months until the end of my enlistment and not had to burn a bridge. But I used my other disability, let's just say arthritis. Because there's a list. As an instant out.

I could've waited and had the same benefits you know.

I could've stayed in and had a fulfilling career. Well, maybe. There was talk of a thing I was supposed to be up for. But it wasn't real until the moment I left. It wouldn't have stopped me from leaving either way.

But it was; A presidential declaration that the My (and by extension the Military's) Mental Health did not matter in the slightest. And the possibility of going back to a Job, Airline Mechanic, on a devasting weapon that had already taken a toll on my mental health.

And I couldn't deal with both of those possibilities.

So I saved what I could in order to bide my time for a job.

And everybody that I could've relied on back home. In any facet, I ended up being unable to rely on them, and with declining mental health that also didn't matter to them; made a string of decisions that put me in a bind.

And with no friends, and no backup, and relatively no voice.

I decided to protest the U.S. government. And Trump himself for being a megaphone for the Evangelicalsm that hated me. Made my family reluctant to support me. And just overall being Dick's.

Because, unlike those actually in the "queer community" I took a risk.

One that friends and family took advantage of.

I would say "calculated" but I knew what the ultimate price would be. Because I know how people act. I know how jealous and hateful and spiteful they are.

And they haven't proven me wrong yet.

[trekraider]

So. Work has been concerningly quiet for the last month, and it sounds like we're getting ready to start the renovation on the facility pretty soon. Which means I'm in a fun position of finding out my hours are going to become limited. I'm going to be forced from full-time into part-time, with no actual guarantee of how many hours I'll be able to work in a week. Which has me anxious and terrified. Because I'm obviously someone who loves change.

Luckily in December, I started working on some backup finance plans which has gone well. If I do end up losing out on my usual paycheck, I would at least have more time to devote to OF and working on my jewelry business with the hopes of being able to vend at markets. Having time available to create things would be tremendous for me and my mental health. It would also be a stepping stone to me being able to leave Houston and do what I do from anywhere I want.

I've been saying for months at this point that if this job doesn't work out, I think I'm just done with the funeral industry. And maybe Texas tbh. I don't know exactly what I could do instead, but my two current side hustles are a great start. And I've been putting a lot of work into online Community Management and Moderation, which I could turn into another gig.

I think I've felt the writing on the wall for a while now, so I'm glad I immediately started making preparations instead of just waiting to see what might happen. But it sounds like things are going to be kind of tough for a while going forward.

[restforthe-burdenedsoul]

It has been a hot minute since I posted anything. I feel like I blinked and almost an entire month passed me by.

M and I moved into his friend/ex’s house. That’s been an adjustment and I’m definitely finding myself triggered a lot. Her relationship with her wife is rough. I’m still waiting on my first check to see what we’ll be making and if this is the right choice after all.

The job is going alright. I’m trying to be patient and wait and see what it’s like. This is only my second week and while I don’t find the job to be hard (at least not once I get more familiar with medical terms), it’s again nothing I am passionate about.

I think the money is gonna be great. They hired me at the highest they are able to pay me, meaning I have the higher end of experience they were requiring. I’ve been in training all this week for their documentation and kind of about my role. There’s not a ton to feel excited about.

My hospital (they have a ton of them) has a psych unit that I’m trying to shadow/train on. My boss said she would see if that can happen. Even then tho, I’m not getting to do any kind of psych support.

I think the paycheck will motivate me to keep pushing through and maybe the lack of satisfaction will push me through the rest of grad school.

I think at this point I’ve had enough experience to see that my passion really lies in the mental health side of social work and I can’t give up here. Hopefully this will serve as another stepping stone to make connections to slip into a job I want. There’s tons of mental health support roles at the hospital, I’m just not credentialed for them at this moment.

However, I did slip in through the back door with this one with my BSW. I’ve yet to meet another. Everyone else is MSW or LCSW. (There’s a couple things I can’t do at the job because I don’t have my masters). But maybe I’ll get lucky and be considered for another role in the future.

For now, I’m trying to be open with M about my feelings with work and our living situation. I’m feeling overall positive, just needing to make time to process my thoughts and feelings again.

[starkid256]

can i rant about how bad 2023 is for me rq?

ok so in the first couple of months of 2023 i was doing great. new year new me amiright. i was chillin on the crk wiki n shit and i wasnt doing very well in school but what can you do the us education system is flawed and nothing can fix it. i made a contest for people to draw strawberry crepe cuz that was the rage and all. once the deadline hit, i was ready to make the prizes.

i hit the biggest fucking roadblock in my life.

i just got hit with the worst burnout and depression i have ever had in my life. it took 11-12 days to write something with 1k words. this depression is still there. it pains me to even attempt to draw or write or anything. whatever, depression like this is very common. eventually, i moved on from the crk wiki and went to comic studio.

oh. comic studio. where do i begin?

to start off, if you dont already know, comic studio is a website to share comics. shocker i know. i met some friends on here from there. some of my moots i met from cs. and yet, it was the worst thing that ever happened to me. there was drama left and right, mainly centering some specific sensitive users that ive blocked on here, there were people sending death threats and threatening to kill themselves every day. and i desperately told them that their lives had value. all of this drama and suicide baiting was absolutely murdering my mental health in cold blood, so when i broke my kindle screen, i had an episode where i nearly killed myself. no one saw. not anyone irl, not anyone online except for a friend who didnt take it seriously. i didnt really draw too much attention to it anyways. btw, all of this was happening while my dad ran off with my now stepmom and was dumb enough to put himself into a mentally abusive relationship. my mom, who i live with, hates those two so much. also my stepmom is queerphobic and has internalized conservativity.

i got tumblr as soon as i got my first phone, near the start of june. i love tumblr with all my heart, but it fucking murders your mental health nearly just as bad as cs. i mean, what do you expect from a website that makes you think that all the problems of the world are your fault? i have met great people here, but it still fucking sucks.

the real nail in the coffin was when a user on comic studio (who i have now blocked on tumblr) made a half baked shitty "callout post" on me. i will say, i did do something wrong that i apologized for afterwards, but everything else was past drama that they brought up even though i had already apologized for all of it. i apologized, and decided that i should leave comic studio. and so i did. keep in mind that all of this has been happening while my main family (which means excluding my dad and step mom) lives paycheck to paycheck.

now flash forward to the present. im on my phone for 14 hours a day on average laying on the couch scrolling through tumblr and watching youtube and playing roblox wishing i was dead. i have no one to blame for this behavior but myself. i would hope that the rest of 2023 is ok, but i already know i will have a horrible rest of the year. yeah this was a rly big rant. ily guys and i hope your 2023 was better than mine.

[reinathevocaloid]

My Thoughts On The Act II Ending

AKA Why art cannot thrive under capitalism

I’ve been a major fan of Daiya No Ace/ Ace of Diamond since 2014, and I will forever be grateful that Terajima has created all of these wonderful characters who I love and cherish very much! This series will always be one of my favorites regardless of whether Terajima continues it in the future or not. Despite being such a long series filled with hundreds of characters, Daiya consistently has excellent writing, and is one of the few stories where I’ve found myself caring about almost all the characters (including the side characters) because they are all written uniquely and realistically. Also, it’s one of the few stories where I’ve legit read everything rather than simply skipping some chapters. But, this is all exactly why the current ending has left me feeling disappointed. So many plot threads have been left hanging, which includes the major ones that many fans have been pointing out: Eijun’s injury and the lack of summer Koshien. But, the biggest one for me is the current relationship limbo between Eijun and Miyuki. Regardless of whether you ship it or not, their relationship is the core of the series. Terajima himself stated that Daiya started because of Eijun meeting Miyuki rather than Eijun’s moving fastball or anything else. With that in mind, it feels incredibly unsatisfying for the story to end with so much left unsaid and so much miscommunication between the two. They both admire and believe in each other (and it consistently baffles me how many fans somehow miss this fact) but they still have no idea. The thing is, I’m sure Terajima is aware of all this. Besides being an excellent writer, he has stated in recent posts that he stopped not because he felt like the story had reached a conclusion but because he felt drained.  For 16 years, he has had to consistently churn out chapter after chapter of this series. Combined with how some fans constantly bash on his writing choices, it’s not surprising that he would lose the mental health necessary to continue. And, it just reminds me how messed up our current world is. We all live in societies that teach us that everything NEEDS to have a price. That people won’t do anything if there’s no money involved. This, however, is completely untrue since people worked together for thousands of years before monetary systems were invented. If humans didn’t naturally care about others and about doing things on their own, we wouldn’t be here in the first place because civilizations wouldn’t have developed. Not to mention the sheer amount of fanart, fanfiction, and other free things people create and do simply because they are passionate about something. Most of the best pieces of art were created because the person cared about it rather than because they needed money to survive, which is why swansongs of shows, movies, and games tend to save franchises more than a consistent slog of mediocre titles in order to meet a paycheck.  In the end, our current world has brainwashed people into thinking that art is something that has to be CONSUMED. That works of art are created for consumers to purchase, which leads to constant mainstream nonsense that’s made to please everyone and thus doesn’t truly connect or mean anything to anyone (examples of this is the large amount of spaghetti westerns back in the day and the superhero movies that are releasing now). Art should be created so that the artist can express their thoughts, feelings, and stories. This means that if you like that piece of art, that’s great, but that’s not the point. When I encounter a work of art that I don’t like, I’m still glad that it exists because the art will likely connect with someone else. Similarly to how I absolutely love certain shows, movies, and games that others hate, the things I hate are likely loved by someone else, and that’s how it should be. So, when people bash on works of art (like how fans have complained about Terajima’s work) it just demonstrates to me that they see his work as something that is meant to be made specifically for them to consume rather than something Terajima has made for himself. And this thought process is further exasperated by him being forced to create consistently all the time just to ensure that he can continue to survive in this world. If we lived in a world where people could create art without having to worry about making a living or catering to consumer expectations, the art would be richer and more complete. Instead we live in a world where artists are constantly burnt out and left with unfinished pieces that could’ve been so much more.  TLDR: I hope that Terajima will continue Daiya one day so that the loose threads could be resolved, but I understand that the immense pressure and mental strain of creating art in our current societies is impossibly unfair. I’m glad we have what we have, and I hope he gets some nice needed rest.

[gregorygerwitz]

It’s hell week at work which means I’m working a fifth day. Great for my paycheck, awful for my mental health.

It also means I can’t stay up and watch One Chicago tonight. So I won’t be online after work today. But I’ll try to watch all three shows before start of shift tomorrow so I can come online and talk about the episodes